I love reading. -Laurell K. Hamilton - Blue Moon

Have you ever felt like your wired so differently that you must be wrong? That everything about you is just not right? Like your logical response is not that of those around you in some social situations?

Example: I get told I was spoken extremely poorly about to a friend who "participated" in said convo. I go to a friend and ask for her side, receive it and accept it. But will not tell on the person who told me because they cared and wanted to look out for me so I won't throw them under the bus. So now said friend is angry at me because she wants to know who's "lying on" her.

My logic is, convo was had(you admitted this), I was told about it, I came to you instead of getting angry, I accepted your explanation.

If anyone should be upset and angry about this shouldn't it be me?

I mean am I wrong? Or am I really just that fucked up?

Someone help me wrap my mind around this. Then tell me how to cope please.

Who else soul gets the shit erked out of it when a woman gets a position of minor power due to sleeping with their boss and acts like they are the most amazing person ever?? Talking to people like they are less than shit under their shoe? Taking credit for shit they aren't doing? Having a good time laughing it up while everyone else works. Does so close to nothing yet takes the most praise?

God, these are the women that make working in a man-dominated Job so 🤬🤬🤬🤬 hard.

The men that allow this are just as bad.

End of rant.

When you no longer in love with the job you fell in love with a year ago because people suck. Sigh.

When your 2 weeks away from finishing college Biology, and you have reached the point of not carrying if you fail. I think it's time to step away from classes for a while. Smh.

Because date night is important. That is all. 🥰🥰🥰

I love when I have warned people not to tell me things (gossip) that they do not want others to hear, because I'm not about that life;I'm a say what you mean and stick to it kinda girl (Special surprises are a different story), Then they rattle off something to me because they can't keep their trap shut and get butthurt after I repeated it.

Umm.. News flash darling, you were warned. Don't want people to think you're an ass?

1- don't say it (write it down if you have to get it out)

2- keep your statements factual

3- don't back up over yourself when confronted with it, stand by it.

I'm not going to stand by while you talk shit then play the victim. Oh no princess, Not this Queen.

When your an emotional wreck because your baby starts crying while your softly explaining to him he doesn't have to say sorry every time you ask him not to do something.

His anxiety level was so high today. I cannot explain the pain felt for him and how much my heart hurts every time something like this happens.

He's 10 so I wonder if the hormones are starting to get to him. ✨Sigh✨ or maybe I'm just bad at this mom thing. 😔 Time for bed I think...oh wait I'm still at work. 😞

I have decided that since this is mostly for me, and the few people who want to come along for the journaling ride I'm just gonna talk about everything. So things may get a little weird, loud, quiet, triggering. So if you plan on staying buckle up because things around here are real. Right now I'm beyond annoyed with these hormones that are for my PCOS, iron deficiency, and hypothyroidism. I wasn't small to begin with (thanks thyroid) but I'm just so damn bloated and large now. It's such a kick to my already hurt self-image. Not to mention the hair loss. I know ive done some wrongs in my past (nothing unforgivable mostly growing up stuff) but do I really deserve all this? I'd take being a size 10 again. Plz thyroid God? Plz?

As a woman, I will never understand why we are punished monthly. Or why our reproductive organs are so sensitive and susceptible to so many issues. It's like, oh you were responsible? No pregnancy? No STDs? Congrats! Have some painful shit to deal with. Oh, you're getting older? Here deal with this stressful and painful shit to deal with. I'm convinced "God" is a woman. Only we are this spiteful.

This was wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing. As his mom, I do understand a lot of what you're saying and we deal with what we can as best we can. I know that we fail him often because we are learning this as we go along with him, but we will never stop being there with him. I am going to think I. Some of the things you said and see if I can find new ways to make his world a little better. Again thank you so much.

Self-esteem. How do you explain to a semi-verbal autistic 10-year-old boy that he is perfect in every way, when he has started to say things like "I disgusting", and when I tell him he is smart he says " not so much". It breaks my heart and I give him all the love and reassurance I can. But how do I get him to understand it's not just lip service? How do I reach him? How did he start thinking like this? My 💔 is a mess right now.

So I did a thing. I finally finished ordering the stuff for my wax melt/candle-making hobby. Shipping it becomes something more than that, but I am good with it being a hobby for now. I'll start putting it all together once my biology class is over and I'm positive I'm not going to continue being in massive abdominal pain. I have an apt on the 3rd. Hopefully, we get some answers and solutions then.

Self-esteem. How do you explain to a semi-verbal autistic 10-year-old boy that he is perfect in every way, when he has started to say things like "I disgusting", and when I tell him he is smart he says " not so much". It breaks my heart and I give him all the love and reassurance I can. But how do I get him to understand it's not just lip service? How do I reach him? How did he start thinking like this? My 💔 is a mess right now.

It ALWYS has pockets. Those are for the side stories. 😉😏

someone, reading my writing: wow great story!

me, sticking my hands in the plotholes: thanks it has pockets :)

Just sitting at work, in pain tonight. Nothing like a horrible case of PCOS to make the day/night feel longer than 💩. Taking a work class because I am far too efficient at my job. Starting to feel like I need a change in my life. A break from the monotony. How are you feeling?

Wow. So it's been about a year since I've been on here (or something close to it.) I started to feel alone and even tho I've never been a person with followers, it has always helped to just write things out. Even if no one reads them. I have been working, homeschooling, going to college, taking care of the house, and trying to start a fun hobby business, so you can imagine I am overwhelmed. Well about 3 nm months ago I started having reproductive organ issues and due to covid, I have been waiting for tests to be done. March 3rds apt. should give us some answers and maybe lower my stress level. I have also made the hard decision to take a break from school after this class. I'm starting to not care about my homework anymore and we all know that is a dangerous path to walk when in college. I'll keep you (myself?) updated I guess. TTYS. ❤