journalsofanaesthete - Tumblr blog

journalsofanaesthete · 17 hours

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I really love the idea of romanticising life but not in a way perceived on social media where it all feels like a compulsion of looking cute, clicking cute pictures and loving things. Honestly romanticising doesn't mean any of that, it's not about loving things forcefully but about appreciating things. It's about finding beauty in the chaos and celebrating it instead of waiting for a perfect moment or a perfect place. The idea of romanticising life is more about finding moments of peace in your daily life instead of wishing to escape your life. It could be you just drinking a cup of coffee on a morning but without any anxiety in your gut, it could be the colourful sky at the time of sunset, it could be you journaling in your cute diary, it could be the whispers of gentle breeze, it could be a mere look at the sky. Romanticism saves people by actually filling people up with so much of gratitude for everything and everyone.

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journalsofanaesthete · 5 days

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I'm the saint and the monster mentioned in my poems.

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journalsofanaesthete · 6 days

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Ek khat, "in aankhon ki masti ke mastane hazaro hai ki" CEO ke liye. (I wish you were my padosan)

To Disha, meri humraaz saheli aur meri kavita.

From alhad si Simran, ek kavitri aur lekhika.

Tu kisse kahaniyo ki shaukin, tujhe insaan pasand nhi. Tujhe kitaabon se lagaav hai, rishto se nhi. Unkahi baaton ki mehfil hai tu, manzil ki talash me bhatakti musaafir. Tere liye likhu to kya likhu?

Tujhe pata hai me kabhi kabhi tere bare me sochti hu ki tu kya sochti hai jindagi ke bare me? To me andaza lagaati hu ki shayad tu sochti hogi ki kya fuzool jindagi hai aur isse mujhe ye yaad aata hai ki shayad "Tang aa chuke hai kashm-a-kash-e-jindagi se hum, Thukra na de jahan ko kahi bedili se hum, Hum gamjada hai laaye kaha se khushi ke geet, Denge vahi jo payenge is jindagi se, Ubhrenge ek baar dil ke valvale, Mana ki dab gaye hai gam-e-jindagi se hum. -Hemant kumar." Phir jindagi se aage badh kar duniya ko kausne lagte hai "Ye mahlo ye tajo ye takhto ki duniya, Ye insaan ke dushman, samaajo ki duniya, Ye daulat ke bhuke ravaajo ki duniya, Ye duniya agar mil bhi jaaye to kya hai? Har jism ghayal, har ek rooh pyasi, Nigahon mein uljhan, dilon me udaasi, Ye duniya hai ya aalam e badhawasi, Ye duniya agar mil bhi jaaye to kya hai?" Kis liye hai ye duniya? Sawal bohot hai naa? Magar jawab nhi hai, Kyu ki mera khud ka yahi manna hai... "Gam is qadar badhe ki me ghabhra me pi gaya, Is dil ki bebasi pe taras kha ke pi gaya, Thukra raha tha mujhko badi der se jahan, Main aaj sab jahan ko thukra ke pi gaya..." Tu shayad apni dil ki baaton ko apne khayalato se bahar nhi aane deti hogi, hai naa?

Ye shuruat to kaafi sangeen hai kyu naa mahol ko me badal du, To jab bhi teri un aankhon se rubaru hoti hu to bas yahi khayaal aata hai ki, "Inn aankho ki masti ke mastaane hajaaro hain, Inn aankho se vabasta afsaane hajaaro hain..." Jitni baar dekhti hu utni baar mujhe yaqin hone lagta hai ki inhi aankhon ke liye likha gaya hoga ye sab, kyu ki jab vo un dilkash aankhon ko surme se sajati hogi to maano "Ek sirf hami mai ko aankho se pilaate hain, Kehne ko toh duniya me maikhaane hajaaro hain..." Iske maayne sach kar deti hogi. Me khud ye maanti hu ki "Ye uthe subah chale ye jhuke sham dhale, mera jina mera marna inhi palko ke tale, teri aankho ke siva duniya me rakha kya hai..." ab aage badhte hai warna kahegi sirf aankhon ki hi taarif karte hai sab... To vo vahem dur kar deti hu aaj ye bata kar ki agar me ladka hoti me to jarur kehti "Tere husn ki kya taarif karun, kuchh kahate hue bhi darataa hun, kahi bhul se tu na samajh baithe ki me tujhase mohabbat karataa hun..." To shukar hai me ladki hu aur ye bejhijhak keh sakti hu ki "Teri baat me gito ki saragam, teri chaal me paayal ki chham chham, koi dekh le tujhako ek najar, koi dekh le tujhako ek najar, mar jaaye teri aankhon kasam..." Tu waqai khubsurat gazab ki bala hai, To naa tu dusro ko dekh kar khud ko kam mat samjha kar. tu apne aap me ek chalti phirti gazhal hai vo bhi meri likhi huyi. To thoda khud se ishq jata, apni baatein kuchh yun bata, "Suniye to zaraa, jo haqikat hai kahate hain ham khulate rukate, in rangiin labon kii qasam... jal uthenge diye juganuon kii tarah, ye tabassum to faramaaiye, ye hai reshami..." Taaki me bhi keh saku "Haay kya hansi hai, mar gaye hum! ajii sunti ho, tum to kabhii aise nahi hansti ho humara qatl karate waqt! khair, hanstii hogii to bhii hamein kyaa pataa, bas ek nazar hi hosh uda deti hai ki bas..."

Me chahti hu tu is gaane ki tarah bane "Aao huzoor tumko sitaron mein le chaloon, dil jhoom jaaye aisi baharon mein le chaloon..." Me chahti hu tu apni kavitayein aur kahaniya puri kare, apni kitaabon ki shuruat kare, "Likh do! Likh do kitaab-e-dil pe koi aisi dastan, Jiski misaal de na sakein saaton aasman..." Kalam ka istemaal karti jaa anzaam ki fiqra na kar tu bas likhti jaa. Shayad jin manzilo ki talash tujhe hai vo tujhe apni likhavat me mil jaaye, kya pata. To ruk mat bas likhti jaa...

Ab teri baaton ke bare me kya likhu? Kaise tu kab kya bolti hai... tu humesha bas malaal ko le kar hi ghumati rehti hai. Jab kahi kisi baat cheet me koi dard ka zikra kar deta hai to tu jhat se keh deti hai ki meri to jindagi hi bekaar hai, jaise keh rahi hai "Ye kya jageh hai dosto? Ye kaun sa dayaar hai? had-e-nigah tak jaha, Gubaar hi gubar hai..." Aur to aur tu apne faislo ko bhi kausne lagti hai ki "Ye kis makaam par hayaat mujhko leke aa gai? Na bas khushi pe hai jaha... Na gam pe ikhtiyar hai" aur ek baar shuru hoti hai to rukti hi nhi, haqiqat ko bayan karti hi rehti hai "Tamam umr ka hisaab maangati hai zindagi... Ye mera dil kahe to kya ye mera dil kahe to kya ke, khud se sharmsar hai..." Aur aise chali jaati hai jaise vo tu nhi koi aur hi thi.

[Dayaar-place] [Gubaar-dust storm-dhool]

[hayaat-life] [bas-control] [ikhtiyaar-choice]

Aur teri baaton ke afsaane batate hai ki tu keh rahi hai "Koyi dastan sun lu, koyi dastan suna lu... Woh haseen dard de do, jise mai gale laga lu..." Aur kabhi kabhi apni aap-beeti batate huye tu kho si jaati hai, "Ye hai reshamii, zulfon kaa andheraa na ghabaraaiye, jahaan tak mahak hai mere gesuon kii chale aaiye..." Tu apne khwaabo ke bare me batane lag jaati hai, aur sunne wale bas sunte reh jaate hai. Apne khwaabo ko haqiqat bana lena, tu apne ghavo se unhe saja lena... Jindagi ek hi baar milti hai apne waqt ko zaaya na hone dena, tu usse apni khushiyaan sanwaar lena. Tu apne khwaabo ko haqiqat bana lena.

Hum dono ki baate to sab se juda hoti hai, jaise kabhi tu kehti hai ki pahado me chale jaate hai aur kabhi mahtaab ki baatein karne lagti hai to kabhi kehti hai "Kya ho phir deen rangeela ho? ret chamke samundar neela ho aur aakash geela geela ho." Aur mera bhi mann karne lagta hai ki "haan phir to bada maza hoga! Ambar jhuka jhuka hoga, sagar ruka ruka hoga, tufaan chhupa chhupa hoga." Aur aise hi hum pal do pal ke liye haqiqat se pareh khuli aankho se dikhne wale sapno me kho jaate hai. Aur humari baaton ka silsila kabhi is shaqs se le kar us kitaab tak, kabhi is shayar se le kar kabhi us lekhak tak chalta hi rehta hai.

Vese tu thodi adiyal aur ziddi bhi hai, tujhe jab koi kehta hai ki "tu ladki hai" to tu jawab dene se nhi katraati aur teri ye baat mujhe kaafi pasand hai. Tujhe koi kya kahega ki "Are yaar meri tum bhi ho gazab ghunghat toh jara odho! Ahan maano kaha ab tum ho jawaan meri jaan ladakpan chhodo." Tu shayad bina kisī khauf ke jawab deti hogi "Jab meri chunariya malmal ki phir kyon na phiru jhalki jhalki, koyi jo mujhako haath lagaayega, Haath na usake aaungi." Aur saamne wala chup ho jata hoga. Acchi baat hai ki tu bolne se nhi darti, tu apne mann ki malika hai... To pichhe mat hatna kabhi. Koi kabhi kahe ki "tu ladki hai" to keh dena "haa to kya? Me bhi kam nhi."

Pata hai, jab bhi tere bare me kuchh likhna chahti hu to soch me pad jaati hu ki kya ladki hai ye, raaz itne ki umar lag jaaye suljhate suljhate aur baatein itni ki waqt ka pata nhi chalta, bas itna hi kehna hai ki "Jab hum chale, to saya bhi apna naa sath de, Jab tum chalo jameen chale aasmaan chale, Jab hum ruke to to sath ruke sham-e-beqasi, Jab tum ruko bahar ruke chandani ruke..." Tu khamosh to rehti hai magar kehte hai khamoshi me bhi kai baatein, raaz rehte hai...

Aur tu jaise sab bhul kar bhakti me leen ho jaati hai sukoon paane ke liye, "Tum jalthal me tum ambar me, tum ho nagar nagar ghar ghar me, tum ho lahar lahar thar thar me, kaha nahi ho tum jag bhar me, damru ko bajane wale dushto ko mitane wale, tumko lakho pranaam tumko mera pranaam, shiv shankar bhole bhale bhole bhakto ke rakhwale, tumko lakho pranaam tumko mera pranaam..." insaano se thak haar ke bas bhakti me kho jaana hi to har dikkat ka hal hai. Aur tu samaaj aur logo ki soch ko apnaane se inkaar kar dena, kehna ki... "Meri duniya ab alag hai, logo aur in rasmo, rivaazo se pareh." Bhale koi ho naa ho tere paas me hu aur rahungi, yaad rakhna.

Sincerely yours always and forever, Simmu.

@whatsleftofdishaa <.💌.>

#kisi ne aaj tk koi letter ni likha mujhe #this is so special to me #can't even explain

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journalsofanaesthete · 8 days

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एक आस है तेरे लौट आने की जो इंतज़ार का दीप जलाए बैठी है

और एक मेरी हक़ीक़त की आंधी है जो रोज़ इस दीप को भुजाने की कोशिश करती है ~ dishaa

#journalsofanaesthete #spilled journal #two line poem #two line shayari #hindiblr #writers of tumblr #poetsandwriters #poets on tumblr #desiblr #spilled words #desi tumblr #writers and poets #indian tumblr #dead poets society #shayarcommunity #shayari #hindi shayari #hindi kavita #artists on tumblr

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journalsofanaesthete · 9 days

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If you could say one thing to a person who is no more in contact what would it be ?

Kabhi kabhi main sochti hoon ki kya tum bhi kabhi kabhi mere baare mein sochte ho?

Agar sochte ho to kya sochte ho? Aur jo sochte ho vo kis se kehte ho?

Kya tum bhi meri tarah apni kitaab ke panno ko humari kahaniyan aur kisse sunate ho?

Kya meri vali playlist aaj bhi sunte ho? Aur ab agar koi pyara gana milta hai to kisko bhejte ho?

Meri kavitayein sunke jo sukoon tumhe mila tha ab vo sukoon tum kahan dhoondhte ho?

Jis chand ki tasveerien mujhe bhejte the kya ab us chand ki tasveerien khichte ho? Agar haa to khichke ab kisko bhejte ho?

Tum kehte the meri ankhon mein tumhe puri duniya dikhti hai magar ab puri duniya mein tumhe jab ye ankhein nhi dikhti to kya karte ho? ~dishaa

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journalsofanaesthete · 19 days

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The voices in my head aren't poetic anymore. they don't recite me poems on loneliness or anxiety while I lie on the floor staring at the ceiling thinking about the sins I own.

The voices in my head aren't my enemies anymore. They have become my friends. And for them I ignore the whole world, shutting the door from percluding anyone to meet the friends I admire and adore.

The voices in my head don't speak anymore they just scream, scream at the highest possible pitch they could. They are as loud as the waves of the ocean no matter how much far I stand from the shore but I can still hear the noise they make.

The voices in my head are killing me yet I don't feel any pain because all the emotions, all the human emotions are very long gone. All that resides here is silence, numbness and emptiness.

The voices in my head aren't anyone else but me, I'm the voices in my head. Standing midst of a graveyard infront of the corpse that's been burned to ashes, ashes consisting of parts of me and my shattered dreams. ~ dishaa

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journalsofanaesthete · 25 days

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हम कुछ समझने या समझाने के लिए नहीं लिखते हैं

हम कुछ समझ ना आने पर लिखते हैं

अगर हम भी समझदार होते तो समझ की चादर में लिपटे दुनियादारी निभा रहे होते

ना कि अपनी कलम की सियाही से चीख-चिल्ला रहे होते

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journalsofanaesthete · 30 days

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A big shoutout to all the writers and poets who wrote everything we are going through right now.

#dishaa ke thoughts #dishaa posts #spilled truth #spilled thoughts #spilled words #writers and poets #dead poets society #writerscommunity #poets community #poetsandwriters #indian tumblr #artists on tumblr #desi blr #desiblr #desi tumblr

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journalsofanaesthete · 1 month

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We call ourselves humans but we tend to run away from the very thing that makes us human, which is our feelings. We often forget that our feelings are a part of us. For the longest time even I thought having feelings was embarrassing. And I know I'm not the only, one a lot of people still think like that. People think it's cool to desensitize themselves but honestly it's pitiful. You are not cool you are just pathetic for not being able to express your feelings. And I think that's where art comes in, as a way for you to express yourself, as a way to comfort you, as a way to make you feel less lonely and more humane, which is the beauty of art. So, I think art is something that can keep humanity alive.

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journalsofanaesthete · 1 month

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My intro/moodboard by my twin @alhad-maharani 😭🫶🏻

@journalsofanaesthete || @whatsleftofdishaa

@thatwannabegirlsblog

𓇢𓆸⋆.ೃ࿔*:･𓇢𓆸⋆.ೃ࿔*:･「✦Disha✦」⋆.ೃ࿔*:･𓇢𓆸⋆.ೃ࿔*:･𓇢𓆸⋆.ೃ

Disha, someone who can show you the right direction. Indeed she's the one who showed me direction in my poems through her eyes. But she's also a girl who can't decide between "Sita ramam" and "Laila Majnu" so we can tell that she's indecisive and has yet to find direction in her life. Hope, "disha" you'll find your "disha" as well as destination. <3

Chaand ki premika, kitaabon si paheli

Khud me rehne wali tanhaiyon ki saheli

𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯

I know you think about this everyday...

Till now I thought everyone has pretty eyes but when I see hers, I understood why Faiz wrote "teri aankhon ke siva duniya mein rakhha kya hai?"

"Padhne ke liye to humari aankhe bhi hai agar tumhe kitabon se fursat mile."

🌙🦢🐚🪞🪷Moonlight aesthetics🪷🪞🐚🦢🌙

Kabhi "vo noor ka jharna hai" to kabhi "chand teri roshani ka halka sa ek saya hai"

If you were a song you'd be:

A little about her:

Sitcom enthusiastic, also can't get over tragedies. Someone who should have been born into black and white era but (fortunately for me) she's here.

Conversation skills zero just like her interest in human relations. Despite her less talkative nature she's a girl's girl through and through.

Her variety of music and her fake scenarios are unmatchable duo.

She thinks about doing something productive everyday but forgets to comply due to her deep friendship with procrastination.

According to her therapy is expensive so she believes in clicking/saving pictures of moon, sky and sunsets.

She reads and writes to escape reality, just like everyone else she's hopeless romantic for fictional characters.

You can find her under sath nibhana sathiya memes and reels either dissing gopi or ahem ji or under her friend's writing posts appreciating them.

She dreams about going to hills and live their happily away from humans and their drama.

Shit posting is her favorite, just like her coffee.

Her love for her religion and old bollywood runs through in her veins.

She looks like silence and wind.

If I can change her name then I'd call her Saba(soft breeze).

Yaar, agar life me consistency mil jaaye to meri life set ho jaaye. -Disha.

Aur bas aise hi humari life us behen us karne me jaa rahi hai. ~

𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓍯

#intro post #introductory post #moodboard #alhad moodboards ✨#twin simmu ✨

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journalsofanaesthete · 1 month

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हो सके तो कभी कभी ख्वाबों में आके मिला कीजिए

हकीकत से तो जा चुके हैं, ख्वाबों में ही सही आ मुझे गले से लगाया कीजिए

फिक्र ना करें मैं इन मुलाकातों के बारे में किसी को नहीं बताऊंगी

आप बस मेरा हाथ थाम मेरे बगल में बैठ जाना, तब मैं दुनिया से छुपाया हुआ अपना हर आंसू आपके सामने बहा दूंगी

फिर आपकी गोद में सिर सुकून की नींद सोजाऊंगी

आखिर ये तो ख़्वाब है, यहां तो वैसा हो जाएगा जैसा मैं चाहूंगी

मगर फिर एक मनहूस पल आएगा जब मेरा ख़्वाब टूट जायेगा और मेरा सामना मेरी हकीकत से हो जाएगा

तब मैं अपने सिरहाने रखी आपकी तस्वीर को देख कहूंगी

हो सके तो कभी कभी ख्वाबों में आके मिला कीजिए

दिशा

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journalsofanaesthete · 1 month

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Poetry is the only way for me to scream without making any noise.

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journalsofanaesthete · 1 month

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मैं तेरी ख़ूबसूरती को अपने शब्दों में पीरोह ग़ज़ल रूपी माला बना दूँगा

सारी दुनिया से छुपा कर मैं अपनी ग़ज़लों में तेरी तस्वीर बना दूँगा

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journalsofanaesthete · 1 month

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From journal of March 19, 2024

No matter how many friends you have because at the end of the day all you need is a listener. Someone who listens to you, someone who listens to your endless rants, someone who listens to you even if they have no knowledge about the topic you are talking about, someone who listens to you not to reply but just to listen and to understand you. You know it's a basic human need to have someone who listens to you and validates you. And I find it very cute when someone listens to you talk about the same thing for the millionth time without looking disinterested.

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journalsofanaesthete · 1 month

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From journal of March 17, 2024

And you thought if you could change yourself and bend your personality a little you will be able to fit with them. So you tried to mould yourself in order to be liked by them. Tried to blend in by doing things they wanted to, tried to become more talkative or funny according to them, talked about things that never excited you, tried to be more feminine or masculine, tried to fit into their definition of normal. And you were so good at it that they never saw the real you and sadly neither did you. And in the end you lost everything, the people who were never yours and most importantly yourself.

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journalsofanaesthete · 1 month

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जब बेचैनी तुम्हें जकड़ तुम्हारी सांसें रोकेगी

तब सुनहेरे बादलों की एक चादर आके तुम्हें गले से लगायेगी और प्यार से सेहलाएगी

फिर तुम्हारी पीठ थप थपा उस पल को रोक

तुम्हारी खोई हुई सांसें तुम्हें वापस लौटाएगी

और इस बेचैनी को तुम से कोसों दूर लेजा कहीं छोड़ आएगी

~ dishaa

clouds this morning

11 March ,7:45 Am

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journalsofanaesthete · 2 months

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You know one of the best feelings is to be someone's favourite person. And I'm not just saying it romantically but also platonically. It's so cute how proudly they tell people that you are their favourite person. Out of so many billion people only you get to be their favourite person. Because only your company brings them comfort, you get to be the reason of their happiness. And the thing that gets me is you don't have to do anything except being yourself, all you have to offer is your presence. You being there for them is more than enough.

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