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ink-stains-and-constellations · 15 days

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I have been asked to share the slideshow, so here it is. (Cool transitions unfortunately not included.)

The art in the background was made by @ yuumei-art.

I did my best with the explanations and flags and stuff, but let me know if I am blatantly misinformed and it requires editing. Also, just to be clear, this slideshow was meant for people who know me in real life, including the people who don't know much about queer stuff, so I was trying to explain it in a way that was easily understandable. It's been edited so there's no personal information included because, you know, privacy, but everything else is the same.

Transcription under the cut in case you can't read the slides.

Slide 1: I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON (I think.)

Slide 2: COMING OUT Hi! I’m queer. LGBTQUIA+. Not straight. Whatever you want to call it. I have debated for a long time over specific labels, and I think I’ve finally come to a conclusion. Curious? Here’s an explanation!

Disclaimer: these are just my personal experiences and the labels I currently identify with. The labels I use may change in the future, or they may not, who knows. Also, I am not speaking for every other person who uses these labels, nor am I a walking encyclopaedia on queer matters. Questions are welcome, as long as they’re respectful and coming from a place of genuine curiosity and a desire to learn more, but I may not have the answers to all of them. I know you may find some of this confusing, not understand some of it, or think that I’m too young to be able to tell, but I ask you to be respectful of my identity anyway. At the end of the day, I’m just a person, too.

Slide 3: I'M ASEXUAL (ACE FOR SHORT) Asexuality is defined as a lack of sexual attraction. This means I’ve never looked at someone and thought that they were hot. Asexuality is an umbrella term that a lot of different identities fall under, but I’d say I’m a pretty textbook ace; no sexual attraction, period.

Just because aces don’t experience sexual attraction doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sex – there are some who like it, some who don’t really care, and some who hate it. I would say I’m sex-repulsed, which means I fall under the latter category. I find sex kind of gross, things like sex scenes in movies or discussing sexual topics make me uncomfortable, and I don’t want to have sex with anyone.

Sex-repulsed aces are also called apothisexual, which is a microlabel (essentially a subgenre) that falls under the ace umbrella. I usually just call myself ace or a repulsed ace, but apothisexual works too.

Slide 4: I'M AEGOROMANTIC Aegoromanticism, also known as anegoromanticism or autochorisromanticism, is defined as enjoying the idea of romance, but feeling little to no romantic attraction and not wishing to take part in romantic activities oneself. It’s a microlabel that falls under the aromantic umbrella. Aegoromantics may like romantic media, have romantic fantasies, or engage in shipping within fandoms, but they won’t typically want a romantic relationship in real life, and there’s a certain disconnect between this idea of romance and themselves.

I like the idea of romance and enjoy things like romantic media, fanfiction, and the occasional dating sim game. I also like watching other people be cute and romantic with each other. However, the romantic fantasies I have had with me in them are idealised and often in third-person, and I really don’t care all that much about finding a romantic relationship for myself.

Slide 5: SINCE I'M AEGOROMANTIC, I'M ALSO ON THE AROMANTIC SPECTRUM (ASPEC FOR SHORT) Remember how I mentioned aegoromanticism falling under the aromantic umbrella? Aromanticism is defined as a lack of romantic attraction. Arospec is the term used for any identity that, like aegoromanticism, is a microlabel or closely related to aromanticism, and thus falls under the aromantic spectrum/umbrella.

I’m aegoromantic, but I also identify as aromantic (aro for short), since I’m under the aro umbrella and I feel little to no romantic attraction.

Just like with asexuality, a lack of romantic attraction doesn’t mean aros don’t want a romantic relationship. There’s aros who like romance, aros who don’t particularly care, and aros who are repulsed by it. I don’t really care either way when it comes to myself.

Slide 6: SINCE I'M BOTH ASEXUAL AND AROMANTIC, I'M ARO/ACE Aro/ace is the term used to describe people who are both aromantic and asexual. (You don’t have to be one to be the other – there are aces who feel romantic attraction and aros who feel sexual attraction.)

Slide 7: BUT YOU CAN'T BE ARO/ACE, YOU'VE HAD CRUSHES BEFORE! (AN EXPLANATION OF THE DIFFERENT FORMS OF ATTRACTION) There are multiple different types of attraction. Some are more commonly known, and some you may not have heard of before.

Sexual Attraction: You almost certainly know this one. In fact, you’re probably more qualified to explain it than I am. Apparently, it’s wanting to have sex with a certain person, or something like that.

Romantic Attraction: You’re also probably more qualified to explain this one. From what I can tell, it’s wanting to be in a romantic relationship with a certain person.

Aesthetic Attraction: This is when you like how someone looks – but it’s not the same as sexual attraction. You’re not looking at someone and going ‘they’re hot’, you’re looking at them and going ‘they’re beautiful’; admiring them aesthetically like you’d admire a sunset or a nice painting. (Fun fact: I mistook this for sexual attraction back before I figured out I was ace. I was shocked to learn that considering someone ‘hot’ wasn’t just liking how they looked.)

Platonic Attraction: This is when you really want to be friends with or otherwise platonically close to someone.

Sensual Attraction: This is when you want to touch someone – but again, it’s not the same as sexual attraction. This is more like… hugs. Hand-holding. A nice snuggle.

And there are many more! These are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Many people experience multiple forms of attraction simultaneously – for instance, being both sexually and romantically attracted to someone is the norm in romantic relationships – but they aren’t necessarily a package deal. I experience aesthetic, sensual, and occasionally platonic attraction, but not sexual or romantic. Some people have romantic attraction but no sexual attraction, and some have sexual but not romantic, so you could get an aromantic bisexual or a heteroromantic asexual. Forms of attraction that aren’t sexual or romantic are often referred to as tertiary attraction.

Slide 8: MY CURRENT RELATIONSHIP STATUS In conventional terms, I’m single, since I’m not in a romantic relationship.

However, I don’t count myself as single, since I’m in a queerplatonic relationship!

Slide 9: WHAT'S A QUEERPLATONIC RELATIONSHIP? A queerplatonic relationship, also called a quasiplatonic or quirkyplatonic relationship, is a dedicated relationship between two people that is outside the bounds of conventional romantic or platonic relationships. It has the the deep love, and the commitment to each other that you’d expect in a typical romantic relationship, but it’s explicitly not romantic. There aren’t any clear rules for what counts as a queerplatonic relationship – instead, each individual relationship establishes their own expectations and rules as to what they’re comfortable with and expect from each other. Sometimes it’s like a super best friend, sometimes it’s nearly indistinguishable from dating from an outside perspective, and sometimes it’s something else entirely. Queerplatonic relationships blur the line between romantic and platonic.

You can think of it like… committed non-romantic life partners. Queerplatonic partners are each others’ people. They often do things that are traditionally considered romantic, like snuggle, hold hands, give each other small kisses, live together, sleep in the same bed, and generally show more affection and closeness than is common in most platonic relationships. Some even get married or parent kids together. They’re much more than just friends, but the relationship doesn’t involve romantic attraction, nor is it defined as a romantic relationship. Some people have both a queerplatonic partner and a romantic partner; however, many also don’t. It’s entirely up to the people in the relationship to decide what their boundaries are and how their relationship works.

Slide 10: WHAT'S MY QUEERPLATONIC RELATIONSHIP LIKE? We see each other as committed life partners. We’re planning to get a house together eventually. We would consider it cheating if either of us had a romantic or queerplatonic relationship with anyone else without the explicit consent of all parties involved.

The specifics of our relationship and boundaries are our business, but we might answer questions if you’re respectful about it.

It started out as a close friendship, and just kind of… grew closer, until it wasn’t quite a friendship anymore, but wasn’t romantic either, so we wanted a new term to define it. After some research, we settled on queerplatonic.

It is not romantic, but it’s love all the same.

Slide 11: GENDER AND PRONOUNS I’m cisgender, female, and use she/fae (both she/her and fae/faer) pronouns.

Cisgender is when you identify with the gender you were assigned at birth based on your sex. Female needs no explanation, I’m sure.

Pronouns can be connected to gender, but they don’t have to be. I use the pronoun sets that make me the most comfortable, and those are she/her and fae/faer.

She/her/hers/herself is a fairly standard pronoun set, conventionally connected to a female or feminine gender.

Fae/faer/faers/faerself is a neopronoun set that has connotations related to faeries. Different people use them for different reasons, and they’re not exclusive to any one gender. Personally, I use them alongside she/her because I like the way they sound and make me feel. I also see it as a reference to the myths of faerie changelings and their connections to autistic people.

Slide 12: WHAT ARE NEOPRONOUNS AND WHY DO PEOPLE USE THEM? Neopronouns are any pronouns that fall outside of those conventionally or typically used to refer to people – essentially, any pronouns that aren’t she/her, he/him, or they/them. Common neopronouns include it/its, xe/xem, ey/em, and ze/hir.

People choose to use neopronouns for all sorts of different reasons. They may feel it expresses their gender identity better than conventional pronouns, they may enjoy the way using them makes them feel, or they may just like how they sound. Anyone who wants to can use neopronouns, no matter their gender.

Neopronouns aren’t just an internet trend or a phase, and they’re just as valid as conventional pronouns. They aren’t ‘made up’, either – or at least, they’re just as made up as the rest of language is. Some of the earliest neopronouns were coined as far back as the eighteenth century! They may be unfamiliar and awkward to use at first, but everyone deserves to have their chosen pronouns respected and used, even if they aren’t what you’re used to.

Slide 13: HOW TO USE MY PRONOUNS She/her/hers/herself: You likely already know these and have been using them for me.

Example: Stella walked to the milkbar to get icy-poles for herself and that friend of hers. She left her phone behind. I wonder when she’ll come back.

Fae/faer/faers/faerself: It may seem confusing, but these pronouns are used in the exact same way as she/her pronouns! Pronounced ‘fay’, ‘fair’, fairz’, and ‘fair-self’.

Example: Stella walked to the milkbar to get icy-poles for faerself and that friend of faers. Fae left faer phone behind. I wonder when fae’ll come back.

I know that it may be confusing, and I understand if you want to continue using only she/her for me. However, if you’d like to give it a shot, I’d appreciate you using fae/faer too! You can use either pronoun set, or switch it up a bit and alternate between them.

Slide 14: TO SUMMARISE: I’m aegoromantic and asexual. I fall under the aromantic spectrum, so I consider myself aro/ace.

Sexual attraction and romantic attraction = no. Romance in fiction and as a concept = yes. Aesthetic, sensual, and sometimes platonic attraction = yes. Sex = ew, absolutely not. Romance = meh.

Deep non-romantic love: YES. Just because I’m aro/ace doesn’t mean I don’t have a deep love for my family and the other important people in my life.

Romantic relationship = no.

Queerplatonic relationship = yes.

A queerplatonic relationship is a dedicated relationship involving a level of love and commitment that is similar to what is typically seen in romantic relationships. However, it’s not romantic.

I’m cisgender, female, and use both she/her and fae/faer pronouns, abbreviated to she/fae for convenience.

Fae/faer pronouns are neopronouns, and are used in the same way that she/her pronouns are.

Neopronouns are basically any pronouns that aren’t she/her, he/him, or they/them. They’re just as valid as conventional pronouns and should be respected. I understand if you find my neopronouns confusing and would rather just use she/her. However, any attempts to use fae/faer alongside she/her would be appreciated.

Slide 15: AND... YEAH. NOW YOU KNOW. Any questions, or can I go back to eating garlic bread?

I got bored today and made an entire slideshow explaining my sexuality, romantic orientation, relationship, and pronouns.

Am I out to anyone but my partner and my brother? No.

Am I planning to come out to anyone anytime soon? No.

But if I ever need to explain any of it, I have a slideshow.

#slideshow #queer #lgtbqia+#asexual #aromantic #aegoromantic #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroace #apothisexual #queerplatonic #queerplatonic relationship #qpr #queerplatonic partner #qpp #she/her #fae/faer #neopronouns

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