This is a super personal question so I completely understand if you choose to ignore it but I was wondering about your experience with the whole aro ace thing.? I just, I'm having some questioning confusing thoughts about things and there's such a wide range of things out there when you google I just feel like everytime I get close to being close to someone I panic and want to run because the idea of it isn't what I feel like its suppose to be. I don't know, I just feel kinda broken.

hey bud, sorry this took me a minute to get to, i had a pretty packed day. anyways, i'm gonna do my best to respond and hope i have something useful to say!! i'm always willing and happy to talk about this stuff, i know how hard it can be to muddle through and how unhelpful a lot of stuff out there can be. i'm gonna talk generally about my experience being and especially figuring out i was aro (and ace, i suppose, because while i don't really use the word 'asexual' anymore to define myself because people tended to ignore the aro part and focus on the ace part when the aro part was the part that i felt was more directly relevant to my life anyway, more important to my identity and understanding of myself + others, it like. it would still be accurate to describe me as aroace, i think!) and how i figured that out and some things i hope might be helpful. (this ended up being very long, lmao, sorry)

also - the first and most important thing is you aren't broken. no matter what the reason is you're feeling like this, you aren't Broken for not being comfortable with certain types of relationships or expectations. there's nothing wrong with that, and i'm so sorry you feel that way. i felt like that for a long time myself, and sometimes i still do, and it's terrible.

i don't really remember a lot about how i figured out i was asexual, back when that was a term i regularly and actively identified with. i remember that i freaked out at first, like. panicked about it, wholesale, and i could only really get myself to calm down about it when i reminded myself over and over that i was still 'normal' that i could 'still date and love and have relationships'. which is obviously an arophobic way to present asexuality, and was a huge warning sign of the massive internalized arophobia i was dealing with. it took me a WHILE to accept i even might be aromantic, never mind start identifying that way.

after i concluded that i was aro, it didn't really... get easier, not right away. not for a while, actually. when i first directly identified to myself that 'i am aromantic' i had an epic freak-out that outshone the way i freaked out at my (then) asexual identity by a hundred-fold. i'm talking i literally for over a week afterwards had regular, as in several times daily, panic attacks about it. given my family situation and the way society as a whole portrays and expects friendships to be temporary, situational things that fade as people 'grow up' and get 'real' relationships, i always saw romantic relationships as my only chance for actual love and the ability to build a safe and loving family. i was petrified of being alone and unloved, and that something was deeply wrong with me or missing from me for being unable to love the 'correct' way.

(obviously, this is bullshit. dominant western us american society and the narratives we're exposed to through it are... wrong. i am a person who feels a lot of love very deeply and profoundly, for the people in my life and the world at large, and i am in turn deeply and profoundly loved by the friends that have come to form my support system. i'm getting married in may, to someone with whom i have a completely platonic relationship, and relationship is one that is loving and intimate and happy and exactly what we want it to be.)

i really, really relate to what you say about how every time you get close to 'getting close to' someone you panic and want to run because that's exactly what i did - provided by 'getting close to' there you mean like, in a way that has the potential/likelihood to turn romantic and/or sexual. i always really wanted to be close to people, see above, but it always felt like i was going to have to accept that the only way to get that was to be with them romantically or sexually, and so that's what i figured i wanted whenever i felt warmly towards someone or wanted to be physically or emotionally closer to them.

when i hit high school, that was the point at which it seemed... weird that i wasn't dating and wasn't dating and wasn't dating while it seemed like everyone else was and people were getting Weird about me not dating. and so i dated. or.......... tried to. two or three times, i tried to date, with people i thought were genuinely lovely and fun to be around who i wanted to know better and wanted to develop more emotional and physical intimacy with. (i'm a physically affectionate person, and this is important to me. this was another reason that i was upset about identifying as aro - it felt like things like frequent hugs aside from brief squeezes with friends leaving events or something, cuddling, etc, most if not all types of physical intimacy were just. lost to me. which is also not the case! it's all about the specific boundaries and comfort levels in individual relationships, not the nature of those relationships. for instance, i have a very hard time sleeping lately because once i spent time sleeping in the same bed as my fiancee, i just. never want to go back to sleeping alone. and that's something i never thought i'd get to experience, but i have, and it's wonderful.)

returning to the point, these attempts at dating did Not Work. as soon as it became about dating, about romance or attempting to enter a romantic relationship, my entire Self revolted at the idea. i felt physically nauseated even just thinking about the person i was trying to date, and in one notable case with a very sweet boy in my high school freshman class when i was 14/15, we went on a few dates and do a dance together, and then the bad feelings and panic and revulsion built up in me until i sent him a frantic text essentially going I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE LEAVE ME ALONE and avoided him at school to such an extent that if i saw him in the hall i'd walk the other way. i did Not handle that well, as we can see. he was a good, lovely person, and he didn't deserve that. i actually looked him up on facebook a few years later and sent a message explaining and apologizing, and he was very sweet about it, no hard feelings, and we wished each other well.

so yeah, turned out i was aromantic, and accepting that was a huge step into no longer trying to force myself into things i didn't want and never wanted, with anyone, ever. (this goes for asexual too, since you mentioned aro and ace, which again is a like. Accurate Term for me but not one i use actively a lot anymore.)

additionally, the older i got the more annoyed and repulsed i felt by romance in fiction. fandom was a huge part of my life in my teens (and now!) and fictional narratives have always been monumentally important to me. they're how i've communicated my feelings and experiences, understood myself and others, and found meaning - and also just something i found very fun. fiction and fandom in particular also have increasingly drove me out of my fucking mind with the extreme, overwhelming emphasis on romance often to the exclusion and degradation of all else. it started out confusing and irritating me, and got to the point of being actively triggering for me. i joke sometimes that recently i've become more romance repulsed by the day, but it's true.

also, and i know this is a common one for people who are ace or aro or both - one of the bigger barriers to my choosing to identify as aromantic (and asexual, when that was relevant), outside of internalized arophobia and my fears associated with it, was the question of 'well, how do i know for sure.' it's hard to prove a negative, you know? what if i was wrong? what if i just hadn't met the right person yet? what if it changed? and it took me a while to reach this point but where i'm at now is like. well, maybe! so what if i am wrong? so what if i do meet someone later in life that i end up attracted to? that doesn't make anything about my current life wrong or untrue, and it's no guarantee. the identity label of aromantic has brought me more comfort and understanding and joy in who i am and where i fit in the world than i can express. so i'm going to identify this way, loudly and proudly, and if that changes later on, which it might but i frankly doubt it, i will never regret the time i've spent as aromantic and in the aromantic community.

this was a particularly helpful post when i was sorting things out at first. i don't know if there's anything useful to you on there, but it was a help to me.

i guess mainly it's just. that's how i sorted through things, i suppose, and as for you - how do you feel? what do you want? if you don't want to engage in sex or romance, you don't have to. period. ever. you have the automatic right to a permanent and unquestioned disengagement with sexual or romantic relationships if you do not want to have one. and if you panic when you try to engage in that sort of relationship, then maybe that's something you should listen to! i know that it was for me, it was a very clear message that i Did Not Want to do what i was trying to make myself do because i thought i had to do it. if you don't want that, you don't have to engage in it. period. ever. and there's nothing wrong with you if you don't want to or choose not to, either.

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt

if you opened discord’s april fools day loot boxes how long did it take you to get all the items? it took my friend 18 boxes but me 65 and i want to see how bad my luck is

I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them

People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human

“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”

“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”

“Yeah!!”

“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”

“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“

“How illogical”

“That’s what I’m saying!!!”

oh that same old familiar tune, where have i heard it before?

oh, right with you.

this took me a little while to complete- the uncompressed file size ended up being 101mb. . . beeeg file,

I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -

I am fine with "the audience" -

downloading my fics

printing my fics

copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics

sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3

making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss

doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc

I am not fine with "the audience"

doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity

feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever

Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.

Enjoy the fandom things.

Sorry but Kabru is so fascinating to me as a character, in a pure mechanical sense, because of what Ryoko Kui does with him. Everything about him is a red herring. He's deliberately introduced as some kind of rival for Laios, a party leader who is hopeless against monsters but absolutely brilliant with people both in and out of combat, and who has good reason to oppose him.

By the end of chapter 31, you might even think Kabru's going to end up as some sort of anti-villain, an antagonist with the best of intentions who nevertheless tries to foil our hero's plans. He wants to defeat the Mad Mage himself, he suspects Laios of being too irresponsible to be trusted with control of the dungeon, and his crew even thinks that Laios's party stole from them (and they're kind of right!). All signs point towards an inevitable showdown.

And then ... none of that happens.

Confrontation over the stolen treasure? Kabru is literally too smart to fall for the classic miscommunication trope and correctly decides it's not worth making a big deal of.

Kabru's deadly PVP skills? Aside from trying to take down Falin, he never fights another human again.

Wanting to be the one who defeats the dungeon? Turns out he was only doing that because he didn't think any other adventurer would have people's best interests at heart, and he's more than willing to play a support role in the whole affair.

Thinking Laios is up to no good? He really did just want to get to know the guy more. He has his misgivings, but ultimately ends up trusting Laios with his life.

Is Kabru going to get some sort of comeuppance for hating monsters and not appreciating their ecosystem? Well no, he has good reasons for hating monsters. He ends up wanting to learn about them through Laios's eyes, but he's never forced into any "Wow, guess I was wrong about them!" revelation.

Hell, even his implied ladykiller ways, which might lead you to think he'll end up being the stock "chivalrous lech" type of character, don't really manifest. He has a lot of opportunities to act flirtatiously around women, but doesn't. He's just a guy whose natural charisma makes him into human catnip.

And that's all hysterical to me, to pull it off. It's a fascinating way to tell a story. To introduce a character explicitly as a rival, potentially even a villain, and instead make them a deuteragonist. It's like a magician making a coin disappear, then slowing down their trick to show you the misdirection. "Did you see what I did there?" they ask with a wink. "The coin was in my other hand the entire time."

*slaps table*

Listen!

There is something super sweet and healing and hopeful about Gale, "I was groomed and still don't realize it and had 'sex' with the Goddess of Magic via mental/spiritual/astral projection regularly. Also, I'm kind of addicted to magic." Deciding to approach you first to flirt with "You being all sweaty after battle is so fucking hot."

Because it's Real. It's physical. Yeah, it's horny, but it's the realization that the mortal realm can be equal to the godly one, if not superior, despite it being different. Like, he's not Losing something by not being with a God and he can heal.

i never understood ppl claiming percy has never suffered the consequences of his loyalty. you're talking about percy "i know the prophecy said my friend would betray me but these are my friends they wouldn't betray me" jackson, who walked into a remote part of the forest with luke and almost died in book one. you're talking about percy "kronos told me point-blank there was a traitor but i can't imagine any of these ppl betraying me" jackson, who decided to stop looking for the traitor and moved on. you're talking about percy "nico is acting suspicious and very clearly hiding something from me but he's my friend and i trust him" jackson, who walked into nico's very obvious set up and almost got himself held hostage during the titan war. percy is so loyal that he cannot fathom betrayal until it's happening, and it has nearly killed him multiple times.

the inherent homoeroticism of "no one gets to kill you but me"

i absolutely love teenagers. i told a group of them about my work and asked them what their demands for the united nations would be and they debated among themselves and told me to "tell them to make doner kebab three euros again". yeah man i'll ask

mombin pt 6 and look who showed up

(1)(2)(3)(4) (5)

REPLICA PLAYLIST

MUSIC UNDER CUT

I have been receiving requests for any songs that inspired Replica, so here, have my personal playlist. Sorry it’s not Spotify/Soundcloud but they don’t have some of these songs available so uh… guess you’re stuck with YouTube vids. For fun I'll include my personal titles for them (which might give a few hints of what to expect in the future/end).

Replica Main Theme - “Die for You” by Grabbitz Like Father Like Son Like Brother (Omega and Shelldon) - "As Above So Below" by Alistair Lindsay Mikey's Theme / The 1st Vision - "Suzume no Tojimari" by Nanoka Hara Military (Mad) Dogs / Central Park Colony - "Imperium" by Madeon Shanghai - "Icarus" by Madeon Boom Goes the Donnie-mite (Mikey/Donnie vs the Sweeper) - "The Red Zone" by Mitsuoto Suzuki The Day the Sky Bled Red - "7 Seconds Till the End" by Nobuo Uematsu Going Out Like a Boss (Raph and Leo) - "Agape" by Nicholas Britell Remembering the Right Way (Mikey and Leo) - "The Souls of Many" - by Alistair Lindsay Mystic Hands / The 2nd Vision - "Am I Dreaming" by Metro Boomin x A$AP Book 2 Trailer - "Sea Dragon" by Covet 7 Years Later - "Iron" by Woodkid Leo's Theme / Attack on the Labor Camp - "Ego Death" by Polyphia Omega's Theme - "Touch" by Daft Punk Flat Lines (Omega Alone) - "Die Toteninsel Emptiness" by 1000 Eyes Spear - "Monsters" by Tommee Profitt Final Protocol - "The Kraken" by Katie Dey Rise / Epilogue - "Close in the Distance" by Masayoshi Soken & Tom Mills

I will admit, it's a little embarrassing since you can easily see the patterns of what I've been listening to for the past year or two. I swear I listen to more than just videogame OSTs, these songs just jive well with the story and I often find lyrics distracting when brainstorming scenes. Regardless, the music I listen to is such an important part of my creative process and some of these songs really defined the scenes I now have locked in my head. So I figured it was only fair to give them the credit they're due.

I will continue to add to this playlist, and will note in comic updates when one of these songs is applicable!

you know i think it would be absolutely hilarious if after some time Percy would get so fed up by Mr. D never calling him by his actual name so Percy would just decide to do the exact same thing to him and start calling him anything but Mr. D/Dionysus

like mr. D would be like "Hey Peter Johnson" and Percy would turn around and with a straight face be like " yes, Dave?" and everyone else is just watching horrified like wtf Percy? do you want to be turned into a cockroach????

or Percy would be talking with someone and be like " Derek told me-"

" who..?"

"you know our camp director? god of wine and all that?"

"......you mean mr. D./Dionysus "

"yeah Dylan...so anyways he told me-"

and then it would become this thing between Percy and Mr. D where they would always try to come up with the most stupid and outrageous wrong names to annoy each other as much as they possibly can

everyone is horrified at Percy and just waiting for Dionysus to smite him but Percy and Mr. D are secretely having a fucking blast

Because I have just seen this specific thing for the second time, I would like to say:

If I reblog your art, I do not expect you to reblog (or share!) my fic in return

If I comment on your fic, I do not expect you to comment on (or read!) mine in return

My enjoyment of anyone's work does not come with strings or expectations

My friendship is not a bill that you will have to pay later

That's it!