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kendrixtermina · 5 months

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Giving Doctor Who a New Chance, Part 1: The Star Beast

I like how in the opener the Doctor ends up running into Donna due to plain old Chronic Hero syndrome, rushing towards someone who looks like they needed help

I appreciate that we got a realtime example of Donna just missing a spaceship

her concern with stacking properly is a good establishing moment for viewers who maybe don't know her yet

It's interesting how Donna ended up giving away the money - not doing what he thought she would do

Making Donna's kid trans was a great move now that the UK is known as a rather trans-hostile place

sylvia is interesting - she seems like someone who feels guilty but is sort of going overboard with overcompensating for it rather than truly helping

badass protective - which is probably how Donna would be as a mom, some of the character development stuck despite the memory wipe, small-minded

Another Unit Scientific Advisor!

You can tell the Doctor is having a tough time with how he spills his problems to the Unit lady. Though you can also see 14 isn't quite like 10, not quite as emotionally constipated. 12 had this whole arc about spitting out the words though then chibnall didn't do anything with cause he couldn't write characters to save his life. I guess 13 was supposed to look like his (franky offensive, carricaturish) idea of a private person? At least this keeps the tendency of each incarnation being a contrast to their predecessor. Insofar as 13 had enough personality to be contrasted. Chibnalls characters are all emotionless planks of wood - and I'll better stop ranting now

i like the unit lady

It's a charming detail how Rose sells things on etsy. I betcha anything she has a tumblr

// war flashback to Ryan's increbliy generic youtube channel that was never used to characterize him in any way & then forgotten about //, & the detail is added in a kind of loving, relatable way whereas Chibnall kinda mocked the guy for listening to affirmations, for example

Ah it's so nice to have actual CHARACTERIZATION again

Like this just told us that Rose Noble is creative, but also feels responsibility to help her parents.

And her making little plush aliens is immediately lied to her feeling lonely & alienated because of how she's bullied

CONSISTENCY beyond just what is currently needed for the plot yes please. This should be the bare minimum but Chibnall went 8 episodes without giving Yasmin ANY defining traits or moments

So nice to have CHARACTERS with EMOTIONs and TRAITS

I just KNEW the Doctor was getting another Mom slap the moment the moment he showed up

the definite article XD I got that reference, esp in what looks like an Unit episode

oh noes theyre shooting up Donnas house

i love how he just naturally hands the sonic to Donna without thinking

It's extremly Donna-like to worry about her house during the alien attack

I like the resonating the wall trick coming on again - if you saw this straight after EoT, you'd still get the sense that the Doctor got more experienced.

Donna's neighbor missing everything cause he's listening to music is a mood

I love the impromptu judge wig XD

Been a while since I heard "shadow proclamtion". That was common the first time RTD was running the show

I LOVE how the twist & how the Doctor deduced it from the Unit soldier not being dead. The idea that you can know someone by their method

Also love the doctor trying to outfox the Meep but getting a tad too confident there

Also like how Donna absolutely picks up that Sylvia knows the Doctor & demands the truth, but also having a moment of vulnerability

the story's a bit over the top & cliche, though. I mean I can partially forgive it because the ep is really much more about Donna, but not a fan of the over the top cliched villain. though, this RTD is the guy who made the fart episode. he was good at concepts a lot of the time, but yeah...

The wheelchair stun darts are cliche, too, but I DO like the general twist of the unit lady realizing the guards have been mind-controlled & saving the team. She seemed competent earlier. Makes me miss Osgood a bit. One hopes wheelchair lady will keep showing up in UNIT episodes.

I love Donna taking the initiative here to run off. (characters NOT being planks of wood & making self-motivated decisions! Oh im so glad we're rid of Chibnal's trash writing)

Do like the moment. Donna still having her unimportance complex, the Doctor's response that she isn't not just because he doesn't think anyone's unimportant but because she is so important to him, "why does it have to be you" Yeah David Tennant is still good at pulling ppl's heartstrings, his resigned tone when he begins reciting the 'password'

The password being similar to that time Amy had to unlock it!

Donna's first concern upon "waking up" being that she gave away the money is soo her.

Catherine Tate really shines here how she instantly retrieves the... the fast talking thing from Journey's end??

She gets so excited at getting to blow up the alien tech XD

Again praise be to Catherine cause you can tell how the hole of self-doubt that was there (though not as much pre series 4) is just FILLED with confidence.

He just doesn't give a fuck if they shoot him when he thought Donna was dead

The thing where it's less lethal now because some of the energy passed down to her kid is neat, but I don't like the idea that the personality traits of Donna's kid are attributed to the metacrisis thing. Although I suppose it could be seen as more of a nudge or inspiration

I really like the touch that the Doctor remembered the names of the alien soldiers & spoke of them to their superiors, and that he neutralized the meep non-lethally. He's an actual pacifist again with lika a worldview, not just regurgitating lines about "not liking guns" out of context

I HATE the women's intuition thing. I get that they were trying to like affirm Rose's gender as real here but I hate it. It's essentialist and I hate it. I'm gonna treat it as just a joke Donna & Rose did cause they would.

Though I DO like, & find it very appropriate that Donna & Rose themselves are the ones to think up the solution & having it sort of come from Donna's grounded, down to earthsy nature. As a counterpoint to how the Doctor kind of over-ruled Donna's will to sort of unilaterally save her against her will & taking the burden onto himself. (Not that one can blame him too much for what he did while panicking, trying to save his besties' life. )

I love the Doctor fanboying over the new "desktop theme" & praising the TARDIS for the design choices

Such a nice touch that both the Doctor & the TARDIS remember Donna's coffee preferences. It's all about the little things.

David still got it with the "it killed me" line

I do notice that his delivery, while similar, in some aspects, is still markedly different. 14 is more emotionally honest than 10, but also less hyper, he carries himself a bit 'heavier'.

Like I feel some of that subtle distinction in nuance comes down to that when the Dr. turned into 10 it was "for" Rose (so the charme & energy etc were dialed to max), but 14 is "for" Donna, in a way, though he didn't know it at the start.

AAAAnd Donna immediately returns to being a supplier of grounding common-sense advice. Cause she is right about the big goodbye thing

that's a lot of pyrotechnics for just one coffee. Donna must've spilled it into the worst possible spot. That would be the sort of luck they'd have.

Soo. it was an episode without Chibnal's terrible, flavorless writing. I liked some of the story beats though not over the top wowed but I feel like this is the first act of a longer play & the emotional penny is probably still to drop.

#doctor who #fourteenth doctor #donna noble #rose noble

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floating-above-sea-level · 5 months

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Queer SecurityWaiter/DreamTheory headcanons (part 2)

Featuring lots of Mike being trans. Mainly that, in fact 🫶🫶🫶

Mike:

-I said previously that he always assumed he was straight cause he’s never been attracted to dudes, but then I remembered “oh yeah wait he’s trans that doesn’t make sense” so to explain that, I feel like he’s one of those trans guys who kinda always saw himself as a boy, even if he didn’t really have a way to put it into words, plus it’s not like he really thought about attraction and dating much, so when he was younger, he probably was one of those “girls” who didn’t fit in with other girls, had mainly guy friends (out of the few friends he had lol), and thought romance and dating seemed gross, so he wouldn’t talk about it unless other people brought it up, and he’d have to fight for his life every time he tells people that he in fact DOES NOT HAVE A CRUSH !! (No one believes him because no one ever believes that. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was one of those kids who just named some random classmate that he thought seemed vaguely interesting just to shut people up)

-I’d say he probably came out as trans at around 18, after he graduated. He probably knew he was trans earlier than that, maybe like somewhere around 15-16, but he didn’t want to deal with coming out and transitioning socially so he stayed in the closet until it was easier to kinda just…cut people out lol. He’s stealth and kinda just transitioned best he could without people questioning him, which wasn’t hard with his parents falling out of the picture and not really staying in contact with anyone from school (frankly I don’t imagine he was very popular lol) so like…yeah

-had a “looks like a lesbian with a boyband/justin Bieber type haircut” phase somewhere in his teenage years. Kinda didn’t care when people rumored about his sexuality. He didn’t date anyone so it just doesn’t really matter, but if people asked him directly he’d just say he’s straight cause again coming out as anything just seemed like a hassle

-had his first and only date (before Ness) at like 19/20 years old, and (as far as I’ve heard from the people talking abt the apparent fnaf movie novel) it’s canon that the girl didn’t wanna go on a second date because “his eyes were too intense” (autism💥💥💥) it was some random girl who asked him out, maybe a coworker or smth who thought he was cute, and he just said yes cause he didn’t really know what else to do and figured he might as well since it’s certainly generally considered embarrassing to have never gone on a date before as someone old enough to be in college (which he didn’t go to cause 1: money 2: he had to take care of Abby 💔💔💔) then after he was like “yeah I was right idk what the hype is about dating seems lame” (he’s a little dumb /j)

-he’s in his mid-late twenties, and I think his been on T for like 2-5 years, so he probably started T somewhere around 20-23. Again, realistically, no idea how he’s affording that, but…he did it 🤗🤗🤗

-the day this man discovers trans tape is the day this man finally learns a bit of peace (not as much as top surgery obviously but certainly more than regular binding)

-I reiterate once again that he binds so unhealthy. Wears his binder at home, wears it out, wears it when exercising, wears it from when he wakes up till he goes to bed, and he only takes it off at night because he literally HAS to and even then he still wears a slightly tight sports bra cause bro is NOT DEALING WITH THE BOOBAS (someone please stop him please good god how are his lungs still functioning)

-god at dressing to pass. Knows all the hacks. Even before T he passed pretty well, he just looked young. He knows all the right exercises to shape his body in certain ways, knows all the right kinds of clothes and materials to hide and accentuate the right things, dresses and acts like a man pretty easily because bro is just like that, he’s the kind of trans guy who’s basically just a cis guy with titties /hj like i said before he uses man soap (3n1 energy), he gets man haircuts at man haircut places, he wears man shoes that give him some extra height (being very stereotypical and gender-roley here but that’s legit just how he is)

-on that note, man’s height dysphoria is AWFUL !! Not to call Josh Hutcherson short (though let’s be real he is a short king and he owns that shit ((still taller than me though 💔💔💔)), but Mike is 5’5, which to some people is short even by women’s standards, so yeah he definitely wears thick shoes and shoe lift things to help him get closer to around 5’7-5’8 on a good day, and he definitely lies abt his height when he can get away with it

-the kind of guy who gets dysphoria over literally everything (“do I look like a woman when I sit like this?” “Are my eyes too feminine?” “I feel like how I’m walking is gonna out me” “the color pink cannot touch my body” “no I can’t sing that song, it’s sung by a woman” “does the way I hold this look girly?” “Why does my smile make me look like a girl” “this shirt makes my chest look big” “do I write like a man??” etc etc. all while he literally has a beard and is built like a brick /hj /lh)

-generally speaking could not and never has cared less about romance and dating and sex and all that UNTIL NESS HAPPENED AND NOW THIS MAN IS HEAD OVER HEALS IN LOVE WITH THIS SILLY LITTLE TWINK MALEWIFE FEMALEHUBBY THEMBOSS 💥💥💥

-k sorry he’s just a little fruit but like literally for one person and one person only other than that he is/would be chronically bitchless and be pretty ok with that

Ness:

-has a type (trans people 💥💥💥 t4t royalty 💥💥💥) /hj

-but low key on a real note dude doesn’t really actually have a whole lotta preferences he just likes gays and autisms /hj

-does drag both ways and eats it up hardcore

-crossdressing doesn’t exist he just is gender. What gender? Yes.

-I literally can’t think of anything serious to say abt Ness’ queerness they’re just so 💥💥💥

-just a little fruit what do you want me to say

-THE girlfriend-boyfriend

-WHAT DO I SAY ABT NESS SHES JUST SILLY 💔💔💔

-my girlboy boygirl who just loves their little guy failure soggy cat of a man WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY ?? 💥💥💥

anyways that’s it I think I mainly just wanted to talk abt Mike’s transgenderism more which like can you blame me no you can’t he’s my meow meow 💔💔💔

#securitywaiter #dreamtheory #fnaf #fnaf movie #mike schmidt #ness the waiter #ness x mike #mike x ness #queer #trans #neurodivergent #audhd #headcanons

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aether-friskets · 8 months

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Why I Headcanon Waylon Park as a Trans Guy?

it came to me in a dream.

ok but jokes aside (well not entirely it DID actually originate because of a dream i had getting interrupted by a nonexistent video essay on the topic... dreams are weird man), i do want to try talking about my reasoning for this (although it's totally legit to hc a character as trans purely because you want to!! thats totally based also lol), because maybe it'd be interesting to hear the lens through which i saw this game? idk lol but i'm doing it anyway... below the cut in case it gets long

Ok immediate prefaces, A: i doubt this was actually the intended at all and i'm not trying to say it's canon, just saying why i read it that way :3 and B: this will probably be a rambling mess and I apologize, I'll try to make it somewhat make sense.

I guess I'll start with: a whole major thing of Outlast, is fighting to tear down this large corporation, that is like. the embodiment of shitty systems that exploit people (this post by bry mentions that general topic, although more focused on miles' angle). It's worth noting because, to me at least, fighting these sorts of systems really aligns with a lot of queer folks (and basically any group that gets fucked over by the system, which is most of them loll). There's like, this whole thing of Waylon seemingly fitting that image of the ideal typical man, with the wife and kids and a job, but he has to risk all of that to do what he feels is the right thing.

(Oh yeah, I guess quick tangent on that note. Yes I know in canon we literally see his dick lmao and also we know he has kids, which you might think would deter my hc here. but A: i already said ik it's probably not canon, i can still read into it regardless. B: intersex ppl exist. C: phalloplasty and other similar procedures exist. D: ppl can have kids in non-traditional way. so im prob not gonna cover that element of it more)

My brain hasn't been able to help but interpret his whole journey in a queer way, because i played it as a teenager still in the throes of understanding my identity and place in the world, so in the end this might not even make sense to anyone else. But, I'm trying to explain, so I'll continue to regardless.

I kind of saw it as Waylon hiding in the protection of an "ideal" life. On the surface he looks like he's in that American ideal family, but it's a subversion. He's only one of them because they think he is. Because he doesn't step out of line. Unlike Miles, who's more outspoken about issues, who seemingly has no one around him. He's treated as part of this "ideal" world, while working in the background to try and stop the exploitation and immoral acts going on.

When he's caught, when he's seen as something more complicated than first imagined, he's cast out. Lumped in with the same people being exploited by Murkoff already. He isn't "human" to them anymore. He's something else. Something they don't like.

Although the violence brought upon him is by the variants, it is still in part Murkoff's doing, since they fucked these people up via these experiments to a point of heightened violence and just generally ruining their lives more than they already had been by whatever they had done prior. That being said, they are still responsible for their own actions.

the stuff with Eddie is definitely the part that most resonated with me through this lens. I remember first playing it, and he scared me the most, for a lot of reasons. One of which being what he represented. He's The Groom. He wants someone to be his Bride, and you're it, even if you don't want that. As someone who's aroace AND already knew at that point that i wasn't a girl, this guy felt like a human embodiment of the pressures to fit what was expected of you. That one day, you'll be married and have kids. If you don't, then you're worthless.

But it's interesting especially, because Waylon IS married. He has kids already. He has that family. The difference is, in this hypothetical trans lens, he's not "really" in a traditional family. He's "pretending", as some might see it, because he's not "really one of them". Being Eddie's Bride is the situation that would've been expected of him, but he said "fuck that", and did his own thing.

Plus, like, with Eddie in particular, you will NEVER be what he wants. He will try to make his perfect bride, but you'll never be it. Even before Mount Massive, no one was what he wanted, judging by all the people he killed. He's a broken man desiring something but never liking his options.

Also just fucking. these lines from eddie make me lose my mind.

That part of you the world sees, they think it's perfect. As God intended. Even these idiots and lunatics see it. There's something special about you. On the surface. But when they look deeper, when anybody with eyes to see looks at what you truly are. That's why they don't trust you. You're not what you're meant to be. Not yet. This place can see into your mind. And the things you've done. Oh, they're a sin, darling.

like HELLO??

I know it's probably just Eddie rambling but it felt like he reached through the screen and grabbed me by the throat like.

Anyway in actual relation to my point. uh. Remember the thing I said about Waylon being a "fake" typical family? This kind of relates to that. Like, on the surface, he seems like he's got this perfect typical American family, he's "as God intended" (which. bro. i swear that exact phrase has been used against trans people so many times). But if you look closer, you'll realize there's more to it than that. Also like, going from the "as God intended" line to the thing about the things he's done being a sin, like hmmm. Maybe I'm reading into that too much, considering we know Eddie wants to make you into his Bride, so of course he's gonna think stuff like that. But still. It's a bit interesting to me.

Plus, it's interesting how, despite having a wife and kids, he's still more... feminized, I guess, than any other characters in this game. Both in the game itself, and within the fandom. Like, not just Eddie literally calling him a woman and trying to make him his bride, but also stuff like a variant near the beginning calling him a "pretty flower" before threatening him, Andrew (one of the staff) licking his face at the beginning of the game... A lot of violence and sexual-ish acts that are often directed at women in media. Even Frank, who I don't have as much to say about here, has some weirdly sexual undertones to his whole cannibalism thing.

This isn't entirely related but one part of the game that still sticks with me but I don't see mentioned as much, is near the beginning. Those guys stabbing the dead staff member. One of them remarks that "there are no observers here" and "do you think you're different? Something special?", which I think helps cement the whole idea that he's treated the same as the rest of people being exploited by Murkoff now. There's no turning back to that "ideal" life you were hiding in before. Hell, that's definitely reinforced more at the end of the game, when you choose to publish your footage, knowing Murkoff will come after you for it, and probably ruin your life. Maybe there's more interesting things to glean from that, but i thought they were interesting lines nonetheless.

anyway, overall I know this is probably just the ramblings of a trans/generally queer person reading WAY too much into a character that I happened to resonate with when i played the game, but i thought maybe it would be interesting for others to understand what would lead me to this conclusion? Anyway, that's all i've got on the subject right now, so I hope it was at least a little interesting.

#outlast #outlast whistleblower #waylon park #im risking tagging this even tho im embarrassed lol #i feel like this will all sound silly #but i guess its a personal view/experience #not a objective truth #so like w/e #anyway i wrote this despite having a project due today that i havent started #:P #i may die

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fan-mans · 11 months

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Punch out wii but make it pride

Or gender and sexuality headcanons for the lads cause it's pride month lmao.

{Note that these are not my only headcanons, just the ones I stick to most often. Yes, i have imagined everyone as trans already :P. }

Glass Joe:

Bi and Trans.

Struggled with a lot of internalized biphobia after his transition and is only now accepting his attraction to men as a man.

Very happy with his transition and is currently considering bottom surgery. However, the endocrinologist that works with the WVBA is abusive and refuses to dose his T properly. This has left him stuck not only without his hormones for transition, but left him very sick due to his naturally low T levels. No one knows he's trans and he has no idea.

Von Kaiser:

He's pretty out of the loop when it comes to labels so he doesn't use them. The best label for him would probably be Grey Aroace, with no gender preference when he has had crushes.

As for his gender, he generally considers himself cis but is very relaxed about being called she/her and interacting with femininity, which has made him question himself a little.

Disco Kid:

Gay gay homosexual gay. He is, in no uncertain terms, not attracted to women. There was a short time where he tried to be attracted to women, until his uncle came out to him and made him feel safe not to be in the closet anymore.

Very feminine and gnc, preferring to be called a 'queen' above all else in relation to his gender. Out and proud (He can't really hide it, lol) and will beat the shit out of anyone who says anything negative about him or the other boxers queerness.

King Hippo:

Aroace king with no desire for anything outside of friendships and family relationships.

Hippo Island culture has 4 genders based on social roles. There's male, female, a third gender that encompasses a mixture of both, and a fourth that does neither. People of this fourth gender not only have the most flexibility in what they can choose to do, but are also free to practice most cultural taboos freely. Hippo is apart of the 4th gender, being comfortable with being labeled as trans and nonbinary, though says he's male to American media. He isn't agender- his gender is part of a social class and should not be conflated with anything else.

Piston Hondo:

As stated in my first headcanon post about him, he finds hard labels restricting. Depending on how he feels on a given day and who he's talking to, he'll call himself queer, gay, bi, and pan- sometimes all within the same conversation. He's very cool with open relationships and is currently enjoying a friends-with-benefits situation with Don and Carmen.

He's dipped his toes in femininity, but it wasn't for him so now he's cis+. He does however, choose to use feminine pronouns in Japanese because he prefers the way they sound.

Bear Hugger:

He's bi with a slight preference for men. He adores his wife, but is always a little heartbroken to tell all the pretty men who swarm him at gay events that he's married.

Cis but not an asshole about it. Very supportive and protective of his trans friends even if he isn't the most knowledgeable about some things.

Great Tiger:

Demi romantic/sexual and only attracted to men when he has developed crushes.

He's been exploring his gender for a little while now and still isn't sure if he's genderfluid or not so he sticks to calling himself gnc.

Don Flamenco:

Struggled with accepting his bisexuality due to his religion for years. When he finally did though, he was much happier and opened his relationship with Carmen. They're cool with just about everything except they have 1 rule- their romantic love is only for each other. Don's the type to fall in love easily, so this was hard on him. However, Carmen is his one and only and has stayed true to her for many years.

Currently, Don is denying his complicated gender feelings. He began suspecting he was bigender but quickly shut it down and has since been trying (And failing) to stuff it down with machismo.

Aran Ryan:

Bi and a trans man.

He comes from a long line of bisexuals, to the point where his parents/grandparents believe everyone is at least a little attracted to multiple genders. Aran has always been open to dating anyone and has no preferences whatsoever, aside from not dating cis people.

His parents and grandma initially rejected him when he came out as trans. After Aran ran away and came back a few years later, they mended their relationships and are now fully supportive. He did some not-so-legal stuff to transition and still gets his T off the black market due to lacking proper medical records and distrusting doctors. The only part of his transition he regrets is getting top surgery. He felt he had no choice in the matter and it put a lot of financial, emotional, and physical strain on him. He's stealth at the moment but wouldn't mind people he trusts knowing.

Soda Popinski:

Gay gay homosexual gay. Due to the Russian government's involvement in his career he can't safely come out. His mother and sister know and are very supportive of him.

He's had some funny gender feelings for a while now, but cannot explore his gender due to the government on his back.

Bald Bull:

Bi but closeted. He knows coming out would cause a shitstorm in the press and hides his sexuality as much as possible. He doesn't know how supportive his family would be were he to come out to them but frankly doesn't care enough about them to do so.

Cis and very respectful of trans people. He used to be more close minded out of confusion more than anything, but has since opened up and become a strong supporter of trans rights both in the US and Turkey.

Super Macho Man:

Aro and pan.

He's uninterested in romance whatsoever and trying to bring up his romantic life will only upset him. He's got a huge polycule of fuckbuddies where everyone is very happy (Macho most of all).

Cis+. He tried being trans for a short time, asking his friends to call him a different name and pronouns but left the situation more affirmed of his gender than anything.

Mr. Sandman:

Switches between calling himself bi and pan, finding both labels useful and important to him in their own ways.

Very gnc in daily life and has labelled himself nonbinary before. Currently considers himself cis as he finds being nonbinary isn't for him.

Little Mac:

Straight and trans.

He figured out his gender young and transitioned as soon as he turned 8- something he and Doc had to fight for hard. He's currently getting back on T after being assured the WVBA would cover it and let him compete on it. He doesn't do well in surgery so can't get top surgery, but he doesn't mind as he enjoys binders and compression tops a lot.

Though he's had crushes on guys, his love for women is more common and intense so he just calls himself straight.

Doc Louis:

Bi but refuses to call himself that. He thinks his relationships with me don't count as they were all either very short or former roommates. He really doesn't think he deserves to call himself bi.

Cis and very supportive of Mac's transition. All he wants is his baby to be happy and he'll accept whatever Mac wants to do for himself.

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boblittlepage-blog · 1 year

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I'm Confused About Something...

A brief update for the uninitiated, which probably means everyone. Sometime back, I attempted to strike up a friendship with noted online semicelebritytype Indigo White, who you may know from her many productions of video entertainment not intended for younger viewers (do the math). Yes, I first came across her the same way most guys do (let's just say my prostate has never been healthier), but then I started watching her YouTube videos, and was very impressed with her intelligence, sense of humor, and levelheadedness. I'm very drawn to intelligence, and decided this is someone I'd actually like to know. And through chats during live streams and interactions on Twitter and Fansly, things seemed to be proceeding nicely. I'd like to think that I made it clear that I wasn't just another dweeb who'd parasocially bonded to some e-girl, that this was genuine affection for her as a person. Seeing that in writing makes it sound weird, but so be it, let's move on.

Some time ago, Indigo came out as trans, and was now a boy. Despite the change in personal pronouns to he/him, and now sporting shorter, Beatle-ish hair, nothing much was going to change content-wise, no plans for surgery or hormones (which begs the question of just how trans was Indy actually, but we'll not deal with that here, or anywhere else for now, it's largely irrelevant).

Okay, fine, I'll play along, so long Indy didn't feel the need to undergo anything permanent, (again, usually an indicator that something else is going on, not gender dysphoria), so no harm no foul.

In the meantime, I've gotten to know several detransitioners online, and heard their horror stories about how they'd been suckered into the whole gender ideology thing (which, by the way, is the creation of a very sick man, John Money, a pedophile who should be listed right alongside Joseph Mengele for the work he did directly with a couple of twin boys, both ending in suicide, but also for his sham "work" being baked into the psychiatric and medical industries before the true horror of his acts were finally made public. The result is that actual gender dysphoria, the kind where major gender reassignment surgery is the only workable treatment, has largely been pushed aside for people who are suffering from other, less serious issues, generally from some childhood trauma, like puberty in general, and turning garden variety identity crises into reasons for these sufferers, largely teenagers, who we must remember are still highly impressionable are generally stupid, to permanently wreck their biochemistry and mutilate their bodies).

So, during one live stream, I get wind of Indy trying to work up the courage to get what is euphemistically referred to as "top surgery", i.e., a double mastectomy, for no other reason than a long time hatred of them. Turns out Indy got those DD tiddies pretty much full force, virtually overnight, and besides being literally painful, anybody who's been to school between the ages of 9 to 15 can fill in the blanks of what the reaction of the other kids was. Also keep in mind that the amygdala, the lizard part of the brain that handles trauma and triggers the ol' fight-or-flight response, doesn't differentiate between actually life threatening situations and a snide comment from a 4th grade teacher at the wrong time, trauma is trauma, and can have life altering effects, especially in kids. We're generally not even aware of this happening until pointed out to us. Digging through Indy's Tumblr, apparently there's some additional trauma back there, that is triggering enough that I'm not going to even try and ask about it, but we're still talking a response to trauma. One day, it'll have to be dealt with, not just painted over with a big ol' "Congrats! You're Trans!" label. That's not therapy, that checking a box so somebody can make a boat payment. Since lives are at stake with this nonsense, I get very pissed off.

Anyway.

Back to the case at hand. I, hoping to spare Indy the kind of life wrecking pain I've seen others going through, began pushing for the alternative of breast reduction. Less invasive, faster recovery, and coming to the conclusion that, yes, Indy's tits WERE too big (5'4", 110 lbs, shouldn't be any bigger than a B, maybe closer to an A).

Enter the Affirmation Brigade, standing by and cheering Indy forward to go forth and be sliced up like a Sunday roast, to advance the cause of TRANS RIGHTS! Which I see as an attempt to validate their own sorry existences at the expense of someone else's health and well being. Well, during an engagement with one of these ghouls, things got rather heated, and more than a little ugly. I don't particularly regret anything I said, I would've preferred it didn't have to be in the form of calling out the other person as a butcher. Not because it was inaccurate (it wasn't), but because it was somewhat undignified.

Cue another set of angry DMs with Indy, demanding that I knock it off or get banned. I'd said everything I felt needed saying, so feeling no need to press the issue any further, certainly not publicly, I agreed. And things got more or less back to normal.

However, I reached out to a noted doctor who deals with the whole trans issue, and, with a couple of links, one to Indy's Twitter profile, the second to the coming-out video on YouTube, and asked for a professional opinion. Mainly, I wanted some guidance on whether I was doing the right thing by trying to be the lone voice against the affirmation chorus, trying to make the point that major invasive surgery over a personality issue is probably a very, very bad idea. Had I pushed too far, or should I stand my ground? One of the recurring themes I'd been hearing from detransitioners was that nobody ever challenged them, made them stop and think it out, WHY did they think they were trans? Could it be something else? Let's figure this out BEFORE we start lopping off perfectly healthy body parts, and see if we can find a less bloody and traumatizing solution. We live in a world where unless you blindly affirm the choice, you're a (fill in the blank). Well, sorry, but if the Emporer is walking down Broadway bloody starkers, I'm gonna say something.

Fast forward to a couple days later, this has gotten back to Indy, and the response in DM was thermonuclear. What right did I have to do this, I'm insane, etc., etc., and that was it, I'd been given too many chances already, I was banned, with the final shot being, and I quote, "Unblocking you to say one final thing. If I didn’t have the support i have and live where i do, what you did could have gotten me killed. Think about that. Fuck you."

Okay, back that up a little.

I posted a link to a PUBLIC Twitter page, with a link to a PUBLIC YouTube video (which Indy posted herself/himself TWICE, and has pinned to various other social media sites), disclosed no information, and only asked for "a professional opinion." (For the record, the only response I got back from the doctor was "Nope.") How in this, or any other reality could that endanger anybody? Did I overstep? Okay, I'll grant that. Wasn't the first time, pretty sure it won't be the last. But possibly getting Indy killed? Sorry, but I need to hear the twisted logic that comes to that conclusion, because I ain't seeing it, and I took Logic in college, I know a thing or two about false premises and the strange places they lead.

I would like to rebuild this relationship, if possible, but I'm not holding my breath. Clearly what I did incensed Indy, and it's not likely it'll be easy to walk that back. I would still like to have that explanation, though. If you're gonna throw down something like my being responsible for possible manslaughter, I think I'm at least owed that much.

Again, Indy (if you've read this far), my DMs are open, and I did give you my phone number, provided you haven't deleted the DM (doesn't seem like it, because I've still got 'em on my end). I'm ready for peace when you are.

#itsindigowhite

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eyeslikewatercoolers · 8 months

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It's Not Where You Come From (Kerri-centric, pt 1/2)

Long awaited, but here's the first half of the Kerri adoption fic, as part of the Wedding Planner AU! This takes place about 9 months after the events of Dearly Beloved.

Also for those who are not from the US, here is some information about FMLA. This fic also includes mentions of child neglect, transphobia, and theming around the US foster care system.

Read on ao3

Kerri’s been watching the driveway all afternoon, waiting for the familiar State of California vehicle to pull up. She has an open library book in her hands, but she’s barely read a single sentence. Soon enough, her CPS worker arrived, rolling the black bag filled with her and other kids’ files.

Kerri’s gotten used to this weekly routine for the past six months and has realized that she had no choice after being placed in foster care. She knew she would be stuck in this rotted system until she would turn eighteen and would never be adopted. Who wanted a pre-teen who came out as trans, and then her birth parents just gave up?

The preteen waited in the bedroom that she shared with her foster brothers. She wished she lived in the girl’s bedroom across the hall, but after her foster parents went back and forth on her situation, they decided it would be best for her to stay in the boy’s room. But she had the bed by the window, so at least she was grateful for having that.

After about twenty minutes of waiting, she heard footsteps walking down the hallway and opened the bedroom door without knocking.

“You’re wanted downstairs.” Her older foster brother told her before plopping down on his bed with an older-generation of an iPhone. Kerri was pretty sure that it didn’t have service on it.

Kerri said a quiet thank you and left the book under the pillow. She’s had her stuff stolen before and couldn’t take any chances.

Her foster mother and the CPS worker welcomed her into the living room. She sat in her usual seat that she resides in during these weekly check-ins. Her hands busied themselves with the loose thread on the arm of the chair.

“I’ll leave you two alone, then.” Her foster mother politely smiled as she left the room. Kerri would consider her as one of the better foster parents, only if she allowed her to grow out her hair and wear girl’s clothes.

The CPS worker started asking her all the standard questions. Is she being fed enough? Is she being treated well? Kerri’s answers always remained the same yes’s and no’s, and whatever short answer would get this meeting over with the fastest.

“I’ve got some news for you. I’ve already talked to your foster mom about it and she thinks it’s a good idea.” Her CPS worker said as she was putting Kerri’s file back into the bag.

Kerri’s head tilted slightly in curiosity “What is it?”

Her CPS worker took a deep breath “Remember when we tried to find you a placement within your family, but they all said that they couldn’t take you in?” Kerri nodded. How could she forget? She didn’t have many known relatives in the area. Her mother was an only child, and her father moved from Hawai’i to California. Her grandparents and her mother’s cousins in San Diego had all said no to Kerri living with them.

The only other family she has ever heard about was her father’s estranged brother, who cut off all contact almost twenty years ago.

“Well,” Her CPS worker continued, “You have an aunt who lives in LA, on your dad’s side. She was hard to track down, she changed both her first and last name years ago.”

“Wait, my dad didn’t say he ever had a sister.” Kerri crossed her arms and leaned back in the chair. “All he had was a brother that wasn’t in the family anymore and…” her voice trailed off, realizing that this could be the same person. It felt like a long shot to ask, but she had to rule out the possibility.

Kerri swallowed her nerves “Is she like me?” she quietly asked.

The worker nodded, “She is, her name is Sasha. I haven’t tried to contact her yet because I wanted to see how you felt about it first.”

She did have a blood relative out there. But Sasha cut off all contact with her family, as she might not want to be found again. Kerri wanted to be mad, but she could understand where Sasha was coming from if that was the case.

But this could also be her way out of the foster system, even if there was a big chance that Sasha didn’t want anything to do with her family. There was only one way to find out.

“I want you to try to contact her. I really want to meet my aunt.”

The following week, the CPS worker came for another visit, but she was alone. Kerri watched the car from the bedroom window for a few seconds longer than usual to ensure no one else was in the car.

Kerri didn’t want to feel disappointed, but she couldn’t help it. She felt frustrated that a relative she’d only known about for a week hadn’t appeared yet. Maybe her worries about Sasha were correct. This woman did not want anything to do with her family anymore, even if Kerri was just some kid that wanted to meet her aunt.

The CPS didn’t mention her aunt either during the meeting. It was the same routine as every other week, some questions that Kerri’s answers never changed. As the CPS put away the files, Kerri blurted out, “What about my aunt? Have you tried to contact her yet?”

The worker took a steadying breath before answering Kerri’s question. “I’ll be honest with you. I did call her, but I didn’t want to get your hopes up.”

Kerri’s voice lowered slightly “Why would I get my hopes up?”

“She said that she wasn’t sure right now. She told me she would think about it and call me back as soon as possible.” The worker explained carefully.

“Oh.” was all Kerri could respond with. She knew she had nothing to lose from the CPS worker contacting Sasha, but Kerri felt as if she lost the last possible connection to her family.

Better get used to the foster system since Kerri is stuck in it for the next six years.

Another week passed, and Kerri watched from her usual spot by the window for her CPS worker to arrive. Kerri accepted that Sasha didn’t want to meet her, as big of a pill that was to swallow. It was fine and nothing had to change in Kerri’s life now. She needed something stable, as there were too many changes in the past year alone.

The California state car pulled into the driveway and stepped out from the driver’s side was her CPS worker. Same black rolling bag and it will be the same meeting she has every week. Kerri pulled down the blinds, she wouldn’t miss anything new outside that she hadn’t seen before.

Kerri stopped paying attention to the time, actually reading her library book when her foster brother barged in the room.

“They want you downstairs, and there’s some lady there too with them.” He said in a bored tone as he pushed open the door, then went to the end of the hall.

“Wait, what lady?” Kerri asked with no response. Could it be Sasha? Did Sasha agree to meet her?

Turns out, it was Sasha who was downstairs in the meeting. Sasha was everything Kerri could ever dream of being one day. Her long dark hair was in a high ponytail, and her warm green eyes looked at Kerri without pity. Her aunt was stunningly beautiful and kind, and Kerri was nervous about making a good impression on her.

Each time Sasha asked her a question, Kerri could only manage to answer in short, simple responses. It took Kerri until the end of the meeting to settle her nerves and feel comfortable around Sasha.

“Is there anything you want to know about me?” Sasha asked her directly, and Kerri looked up at Sasha in front of her and noticed a ring with a set diamond on her ring finger.

“Are you married?” she asked, pointing to the ring.

Sasha smiled warmly and looked at her ring “Yes, I am. My wife and I just got married this past spring, and she even surprised me with the best honeymoon trip to Hawai’i.”

Her aunt was married, lived in LA, and went on a surprise honeymoon trip. Sasha seemed to be doing great for herself, Kerri couldn’t wait to get out of the system if that life was possible for her one day.

Sasha came back the next week and the following few weeks after that. It took a while for Kerri to warm up to her aunt, but she looked forward to her visits from the CPS worker and Sasha.

She learned a lot more about Sasha during the following few weeks. Sasha owned her own wedding planning business in LA, which was one of the coolest jobs Kerri could ever dream of.

Sasha didn’t mention her wife very often, as all she mentioned to her was that her spouse worked nights and they had been together for almost three years. Kerri didn’t even recall Sasha mentioning her wife’s name. She mostly spent the time during meetings listening and asking Kerri about herself.

One day, Kerri came downstairs for another meeting, and she saw there was another woman next to Sasha. She didn’t remember meeting this woman before, she was a couple of inches taller than Sasha and had cherry-red hair and sharp brown eyes.

“Who is this?” Kerri asked as she found her seat in the living room. She looked at her CPS worker and Sasha.

Was this a new CPS worker? A new foster parent? A random woman looking to adopt a pre-teen? The last option was the most unlikely, but a girl could dream.

“I wanted you to meet my wife.” Sasha said, putting her hand gently on the woman’s shoulder “Kerri, this is Anetra.”

Anetra leaned forward to give Kerri a pleasant handshake “Nice to meet you. Sasha has told me a lot about you.” Kerri noticed a faint scar over Anetra’s left eye as they shook hands. Anetra’s hands were long and willowy, a distinction from her athletic figure.

Kerri couldn’t tell if Anetra was shy or didn’t have much to say at all. During the meeting, she watched Sasha’s wife (or maybe Kerri’s other aunt? She wasn’t sure what to label Anetra) and her reactions. Anetra didn’t talk much, so that was all Kerri had to go by to get a first impression.

Anetra’s face didn’t change much either. She laughed with everyone, nodded, and smiled when appropriate, but that was about it. Kerri couldn’t tell how Anetra was feeling, maybe bored? Mad? Like she didn’t want to spend her afternoon with her wife’s niece in a foster home? Kerri had no idea what to think of Anetra.

A couple weeks after meeting Anetra, the Department of Social Services granted approval for the Colbies to take Kerri out of the foster house for day visits. By this time, Kerri’s aunts were visiting without the CPS worker and taking her out for afternoon visits.

These visits quickly became Kerri’s favorite time of the week. They took her to the parks in the neighborhood, coffee shops, and sometimes the beach (weather permitting). Kerri spent most of the time talking to her aunts and learning more about their lives in LA. She learned that Sasha started in wedding photography and recently got back into the hobby after their honeymoon.

It took a while longer to learn about Anetra, but she learned that her other aunt did competitive taekwondo until she was about sixteen. But that was about it, Kerri realized that Sasha did more of the talking out of the couple.

One week, Sasha came by to pick Kerri up to spend the day at the nature park, but Anetra was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s Anetra?” Kerri asked as they got into Sasha’s small black car.

“She had a rough migraine this morning, so I told her to stay home and feel better,” Sasha said as she started the car and buckled her seatbelt.

“Oh, that sucks,” Kerri said. She wasn’t sure how Anetra felt about having a kid in her life since she was so hard to read.

“Yeah, but her best friend, Marcia, is coming over and bringing her some medicine and food from our favorite Thai place later. So she’s in good hands.” Sasha smiled, pulling out of the driveway and down the street.

Kerri’s spent barely two minutes with Sasha today, and she’s already learned two things about her elusive aunt. Maybe Sasha could tell her more about Anetra while they were out today.

“I think that’s the same one that Anetra has a tattoo on her chest.” Sasha pointed to a butterfly that was on a milkweed leaf in the nature center’s butterfly garden.

“Oh, it’s pretty.” Kerri simply said.

Sasha looked at Kerri, eyes full of concern “What’s going on? You aren’t usually this quiet.”

Kerri took a deep breath, “Can I ask you something about Anetra?”

Sasha nodded as she led them to a nearby bench, “What is it?”

“Does she not like kids?’ Kerri blurted out without warning and saw Sasha’s confused stare before continuing.

“I mean that she’s hard to read, so I can’t tell what she’s thinking. She doesn’t talk much either.” Kerri said in a rush, hoping that Sasha would understand what she was saying.

Sasha smiled at her, but not in a mocking way, “Do you know how many times I’ve told her that she has the meanest-looking resting face? Her scar doesn’t help much, either. She’s just a quiet person, but it takes her a bit to warm up to people.”

Kerri sighed in relief, “So it’s not that she’s bored or mad or anything?”

“No, and she absolutely loves kids. Whenever the florists at the store bring in their little boys, Anetra will come by just to play with them.” Sasha laughed to herself.

The scar comment stuck out to Kerri after she felt her nerves from before untangling themselves out of relief. “Then how did she get her scar? If you knew her before she got it,” she asked, hoping it wasn’t a rude question.

Sasha stood up from the bench and invited Kerri to join her in continuing their walk “I’ll let her be the one to tell you that story one day. It was scary when it happened, but we can laugh about it now.”

“Really?’ Kerri started walking alongside her.

“Yes, it’s a good reason we don’t have much glass in our house.”"

Weeks continue to go by, and Kerri notices that the visits with Anetra and Sasha change slightly. They never acted differently, and they still talk to her and take her to different places in San Diego.

But at first, the visits aren’t as long as before. It wasn’t noticeable to Kerri when the visits ended about ten or fifteen minutes earlier than usual until it happened week after week. She never mentioned this change to her aunts, thinking they might not have been paying attention to the time.

Then the visits become much shorter than usual. Most visits consisted of about half an hour of going to a park, talking, then dropping Kerri back off at her foster home and leaving to head back to LA. She tried asking why her aunts left sooner and sooner, but they always gave vague answers to Kerri’s frustrations.

“We want to beat traffic on the way home.”

“There’s a meeting we need to get to.”

“We have something early to get to in the morning.”

Kerri grew more frustrated when she heard these answers to her constant questions. And with the frustration also came worry.

She was worried about what the sudden change in her aunts could result in. Were her aunts not wanting to see her anymore? After months of visits, they decided they didn’t want Kerri in their lives.

Kerri tried her best to keep the negative thoughts at bay until Anetra and Sasha didn’t show up one week when they were supposed to. They didn’t call her foster parents to tell them they wouldn’t be there. They didn’t give Kerri a heads-up during the previous week.

The driveway was empty all day, and Kerri would know since she watched it from the bedroom window until it got dark out.

It was the saddest she’s felt since getting placed into foster care. She felt sadder than when her parents brought in an old suitcase and told her to pack what she needed. Even sadder than saying goodbye to her younger siblings. And much sadder than keeping her hair short and wearing hand-me-down boys' clothes for months.

She told her foster mom that her stomach was hurting and didn’t want to eat dinner that night. Her foster mom gave an understanding nod and told Kerri she would keep a plate in the fridge whenever she was hungry. She stayed in the bedroom for the rest of the night, never getting hungry enough to get her plate until she fell fast asleep.

Days later, her sadness turned to anger. Kerri felt angry at her aunts, she felt angry at her CPS worker, and she felt angry over almost everything in her life. How dare they string her along for months and then suddenly not show up when they were supposed to? How dare her CPS worker bring up contacting Sasha months ago just for Sasha to stop showing up one day?

Her CPS worker was visiting that day, and Kerri was almost too pissed off to meet today. But she was required to go to these meetings, so she grudgingly headed downstairs when she was called.

As she was answering the CPS workers with a hint of venom in her voice, there was a knock at the front door. She tried to keep her eyes away from the door as she heard Sasha’s voice thanking whoever let her and Anetra inside.

Now Kerri felt like she was silently fuming. Her aunts didn’t bother showing up a few days ago just for Kerri, but they would show up to a boring meeting with her CPS worker when they didn’t even have to be there.

“We’re sorry we couldn’t make it the other day, we’ve just been so busy this week.” She heard Anetra explain as they found their seats on the couch.

“Is that why your visits are getting shorter too?” Kerri asked her tone sharply pointed with her anger. She looked at her aunts, and both had small looks of surprise.

After a few seconds of silence, Sasha spoke to her wife and the CPS worker “I think it’s about time that we tell her what’s been going on with us.” The other two nodded.

Kerri tried to soften her voice “Tell me what?”

What was going on with her aunts? Were they getting a divorce? That would have explained why they had been leaving sooner and missing visits.

Kerri looked up to see smiles on Sasha and Anetra’s faces, and confusion grew as she listened to what was said next.

“We’re getting guardianship over you,” Sasha said in a gentle, yet excited voice.

After a few seconds of the thought of guardianship settled into Kerri’s mind, she managed to say “You two? Want to be my guardians? You do?”

“We do, It’s been a long process, but we just need to sign a few more papers, and we’re approved to be your guardians,” Anetra said, as Kerri watched all the adults in the room carefully.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she asked.

“We wanted to wait for it to be official before we said anything to you. We weren’t sure if the state would approve us since we’ve only known you for a few months.” Sasha explained.

“Does that mean I get to live with you in LA?” she was met with nods as she felt euphoria flood her chest. She’s finally getting a real home again, and a home where she’s allowed (and encouraged) to be herself.

“We’ll be back in about a week to help you pack and move. I’m taking some time off work since it’s the off-season, and Anetra is taking a few weeks of FMLA so we can help you get settled and enroll you in school.” Sasha explained helpfully.

“So what do you say, Kerri? Would you like having your aunts as your guardians?” her CPS worker asked, but already knew the answer.

Kerri nodded and felt tears spring to her eyes. The two women in front of her noticed and jumped out of their seats, and gathered the pre-teen into both their arms.

This was her first hug in almost a year and one of the best in her lifetime. She felt Sasha’s fingers run through her hair and Anetra gently rubbed her shoulder and back.

Kerri didn’t realize it until years later, but she was finally with her parents. They weren’t the ones who gave her life, but who would provide the unconditional love she always needed.

#wedding planner au #rpdr s15 #rpdr fanfiction #rpdr s14 #my writing #my fics #background sashnetra #cw child neglect #cw minor transphobia

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autisdicksimmons · 1 year

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I could literally talk about all of Simmons’s body issues for hours (no I’m not projecting ahaha) but yes he’s trans and struggles with disordered eating and he’s trans and he’s autistic and all combined those things give him a super hard time enjoying functioning as himself especially in body-related ways (these thoughts are gonna be disjointed deal w it sorry dude)

But like, the way that he gets after Grif when it comes to food, and drinking, and smoking, and everything else? Yet despite this, we know that he has quite the self-destructive streak (crying and punching mirrors) which makes him a huge hypocrite— so why get after Grif like that? One could say that it’s because he has his body parts, but that can’t be all true because he’s still getting mad at Grif before the surgery, so it’s just things that he finds inherently undesirable traits— traits that have anything to do with a lack of self control, which Simmons believes himself to have. Not to mention the fact that he doesn’t seem surprised at all when Sarge uses withholding rations as a punishment— so either A. Sarge does that a lot, which could be true though we never see him do it after season 1 B. He’s accustomed to this as a punishment.

I think B is most plausible, given Simmons’s general demeanor and upbringing. He gets mad at Grif for not doing anything to earn food, then “overindulging” anyway, where Simmons views food as just that: something to be earned. Likely he was sent to bed without supper as a punishment as a kid, or forced himself to study through meals or similar behaviors at the very least. In my own mind it goes further than that, but his relationship with food is definitely complicated (especially with his mentioning going vegan after having to eat a dog at a previous outpost??? Holy shit that’s a trauma). Especially being trans (bc he is) even though he speaks far more positively about his mother than his father, the way that body issues get passed down from mothers to their afab children? Even if it wasn’t an intentional thing on his mothers part, those things are too easy to pick up

More on the having to eat the dog thing too, that history of food insecurity/starvation, plus being generally food anxious, is definitely something that lends itself to rationing and portioning and keeping their stock organized… which he does. And then consistently gets mad at Grif for eating more than his planning has allowed for. What’s one of the first things we learn he’s been doing in season 11? Growing fucking cabbage. Which, for one, how, but also the fact that he’s the only one of them to do something like that says a lot about who he is. Stupid, anxious about food, and resigned to the fact that no one is coming to get them (or at least planning for that scenario).

Not to mention, trans people are WAY more likely to develop ED’s than cis people, and I don’t even need to go into all of the reasons I think he’s trans bc I feel like that’s a separate post and I’m sure someone else has already summarized it better— but anyway, picturing a young Simmons, struggling to fit in and be good enough for his parents and not hate himself entirely and have control over something? Yeahhh OOF plus, I’m also not explaining why I think he’s autistic rn, but adding autism to the mix? Having difficulty with certain foods and textures makes it hard to want to eat to begin with, and with the kinds of pressure he seems to have faced as a child to be strong and tough and athletic and generally not his nerdy self, having sensory problems probably made it just that much harder, making him hate the way his body responds to things other people, “normal people,” can handle fine, returning him to that cycle of self-hatred, and that’s just within himself ignoring all of the bullying we know that he’s faced. It’s no wonder the dude showers in his underwear still, like, bro’s self conscious and anxious and probably just generally does not like his body.

Also his ass is literally a fax machine. That’s gotta do a toll on the psyche

#dick simmons #rvb #red vs blue #animal death #trans dick Simmons #autistic dick Simmons #long post #food #tw ed descussion

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acertainmoshke · 10 months

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Time Traveling Anthropologists update

In honor of having 2 people on my tag list, meaning it now meets the actual definition of a list, I thought I’d let y’all know where I am on this project.

Part 1: Actual Writing

I am deep into chapter 2. Chapter 1 covered Esther’s first day of work. We learned a bit about how the world works in the 2080’s and met her team. This book takes place almost entirely in the past, but future volumes will explore the future more. So, let’s meet the team!

Esther Dahan: 24 years old. The POV character. Esther is outgoing and a bit awkward. She can be intense and has something of a temper but cares deeply about equity. She is the team linguist, unofficial fighting/weapons expert, and generally ends up being in charge of daily life routines. She speaks 6 languages fluently but is also in charge of collecting linguistic rules for languages that no one knows today. She’s Jewish—there are no borders anymore, but her great-grandparents on her mother’s side were from Russia and her father’s family was from Israel. She’s bisexual. When not in the past, she lives with her parents because renting an apartment only to give it up every year or two would be impractical.

Tony Mourad: 24 years old. He is a bit goofier, fond of lightening the mood, but can also be genuine. Like Esther, he’s pretty loud in general and intense about things he cares about. They will become best friends over the course of this book. He is the expert on fashion, fabric, and and manufacturing history. His hobby is the history of clocks and calendars. He is Muslim and, though he grew up in LA, his family is Iraqi and his mom was born there (when it was still Iraq; the no borders thing is pretty recent). He’s gay and currently rents a small house with his brother, which his wages continue to help with when he’s gone for work.

Valentina Pérez: 25 years old. In this book she’s generally fairly grumpy, distant, and cool. There are reasons for this and they are Spoilers and she’ll be less so in the future. She mostly keeps to herself and is much less interested in the studies they’re doing than her teammates. Her job isn’t even anthropological; she’s the team scientist. This involves multiple jobs actually that they’re just lucky they have a single person qualified for all of them. Her main duties involve sending data home using the circuits in the Time Machine, doing general maintenance on it, and keeping them healthy. She is not a doctor but she has studied immunology and is in charge of vaccines, basic medical care, and the decision when a situation requires returning early for proper care. However, most of those jobs aren’t constant, so she’s always getting drawn into the work of the others and having to observe or write up things for them. She’s a lesbian, has a 2-year-old daughter, and has been married for 7 months to her wife. She’s from Cuba and learned English in college. Their office is based in New York, so their work is mostly in English, but widespread speaking of other languages is more acceptable, so around the office there are plenty of people she chats in Spanish to.

Minerva Myerson: 39 years old. Unlike the others, she isn’t new to the office but joined at its inception 6 years ago. She has been on 3 previous missions and was made a team leader when the religious studies department expanded. She’s generally good humored, charming, and has a fairly loose leadership style. She does get snappy when people break the rules that are there for good reasons, but is otherwise fairly even tempered. Yes this is a little loose and I will develop her character more soon. Her specialization is food history, including how food fits into cultural contexts and the expectations surrounding eating. She’s also formatting and compiling the ethnography, since she has previous experience. She is a black trans woman from New Orleans who lives alone with no kids so she actually does rent apartments temporarily in between time traveling. I think she’s straight, but again am still developing her character.

Chapter 2 has a time skip—16 months in their personal time and 4 months into their time traveling mission. So far we’ve explored the city of Samandar a little, markets and the walls and the way houses work. They have a fairly expositional team meeting and then, a couple days later, Esther is taken by her 3 unofficial “guides” on an expedition to meet warriors returning from the capital of Atil. Her guides are 3 12-year-old girls largely because they have the time and interest to share their lifestyle with a foreign stranger. Also because I thought it would be funny to have 9th century horse girls. So they go to the corral and discuss horse care, which I 100% made up but I think is plausible. Next the men will return and Esther will start talking to Boker largely to fact check the kids’ excited reports on the way warriors work.

Part 2: Outlining

I split the plot into 3 sections: murder, mystery, and [redacted]. I finished the outline for the first part, which actually focuses on anthropology and romance and culminates in the murder, and now I’m working on the second part. As I said before, I haven’t written a mystery before and I think some hints and evidence are going to probably be added in later drafts. I have, though, come up with the first 2 suspects and the actual guilty party. I’m just beginning to figure out who says what and what evidence they discover.

Thank you for listening if you made it to the end of this post! I just realized I haven’t talked much about it yet since I’ve been writing.

Tag list: @amielbjacobs @kingkendrick7

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youofsomesong · 1 year

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Friends Describing Starkid Characters (part 4)

(There will be spoiler pictures from Nerdy Prudes Must Die, so look at your own risk. They show up after Curt)

james

typical nerd

he has a letterman (i mean its in the photo)

this looks like the harry potter one (yup)

this information does not help me at all though (yes it does!!!)

gregory (front) and william (back) (noooooo)

they are in a relationship (oh 100%)

the gun in the underwear is for later tonight theyre spicing things up

(i have the better picture of peter, dont worry. but i wanna see if theyll realize its the same character)

montgomery

nerd but he knows your name, address, social security number, and credit card information and it not afraid to use it

megan

tired barista (SAME)

good at names and faces (not same) (same bestie)

knows martial arts

quincy francis iv

a cowboy with absolutely NO cowboy skills

saw a horse once and went “cow!!”

oh theyre also gay gay homosexual

nobody knows about their relationship though (well...)

elizabeth (left) and grace (right)

theyre into cosplay

businessman businessman businessman

slightly below average at his job but covers for it by being likeable and social (jfhkjasdhf thats not true)

his name is ronald

marco

theatre kid

rebecca

a proud trans woman who will take no shit

OH MY GOD WAIT

THATS UMBRIDGE ISNT IT (...maybe)

jafar (whats with my friends and thinking achmed is jafar???)

tried to sneak in an aladdin picture with the starkid. im onto you (youre not though cause thats achmed, not jafar)

bridget

likes reading

not very popular but a nice person

patricia

she has a pufferfish on her head

shes a strange one

still kind of popular though??

jasmine and jafar (this one im 87% certain) (youre half right bestie)

they pulled a switcheroo

that other one was aladdin and i was wrong (you were wrong but youre still wrong)

rachel

big fan of the little red riding hood story. made it her entire personality (jksdhfjdksh bestie)

thats a classic jack right there

total asshole (a bit, yeah)

sells drugs to minors (but he doesnt. he loves hannah like his own kid)

that previous guys brother but this ones a good person and keeps getting pulled into his brothers crap

his name is riley

definitely has pronouns

not straight (oh he 100% is not straight)

generally well liked but has one specific enemy (more like we love him but we hate him)

looks like a noah to me

self proclaimed “party animal” (everyone hates him except like one person whos pretty neutral about him) (lies. we all love him)

name is... liam (derogatory)

andrew garfield in disguise (askjfdhakjs)

thats all

“tall dark and handsome” (has platforms in his shoes)

daniel

NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE PHOTOS!!!! CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK

thats a whole zombie fr fr

name was revoked

but his name WOULD have been zachary

watched “the last of us” and liked it way too much

became his favorite character

straight man (derogatory) (kajfhasdhf i dont believe max is straight AT ALL)

the woman is bi (grace is repressed bi, what did i tell yall?)

her name is haley his name is michael

he needs to put his shirt back on (no he does not. he is hot)

goshdarn jessica

Mean Girl ™️ (i mean...mariah was regina george...she was in mean girls...)

manny

generalized anxiety disorder (if he wasnt first labeled as obnoxious teen i would say yes. but he did have that whole waiting for hot chocolate line(s). oh and xe did not connect that the petes were the same character. i did not tell them that either and idk if i will tell him)

MARKIPLIER?

thats it

dyed hair and pronouns

quinn

at this point in time i did tell them that nibbly and blinky were not female even though both are played by women (and the fact that i hc nibbly as agender)

thats a rowan

absolutely slays

also has pronouns

liked wreck it ralph

naruto fanboy

his name is blake but he asked people to call him by the name of his favorite character

(nobody does)

this one is a big fan of sonic

has a sonic themed backpack and lunchbox

morgan

jeremiah

i see an anime shirt hes an anime stan (well thats obvious)

has at least two twitter accounts dedicated to anime (honestly wouldnt be surprised)

#starkid #team starkid #starkid black friday #black friday #a very potter sequel #A Very Potter Series #the guy who didnt like musicals #the trail to oregon #Firebringer #twisted #twisted the untold story of a royal vizier #spies are forever #nerdy prudes must die #nerdy prudes must die spoilers #npmd #npmd spoilers #tin can bros

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cosmic-day · 6 months

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The Star Beast: have seen it and didn’t love it. Thoughts, spoilers and negativity under the cut :

To start with the good: having positive trans representation in a mainstream show like Doctor Who is hugely important in the current climate and the episode was in many ways worth it just for that. Am I getting some innocent amusement from imagining the reactions of NMDs who (somehow) imagined RTD would save them from the show being ‘woke’? Why, yes I am.

The Meep was a lot of fun, the new TARDIS interior is gorgeous, Shirley Bingham was great and I hope to see more of her.

Despite my issues with Ten, it was fun to see Tennant again. Still not sold on the Fourteenth Doctor as a concept, but give David Tennant credit for playing him just differently enough that I could believe he came after 11/12/13, annoying catchphrases notwithstanding.

However:

I don’t know what the fuck any of this had to do with celebrating sixty years of Doctor Who.

A lot of the charm of this episode for most people will be having Donna back, but as I am the one person in this fandom who is not a Donna fan, that just left the plot and I think the most generous word I can think of is “flimsy”.

Five minutes in and we get the “Rose” fakeout. RTD please shut up about Rose challenge. Also it turns out that Rose named herself Rose because she inherited the Doctor’s memories, oh fuck off. If that’s the reason, it should have been Susan.

Rose being trans/non binary because the Doctor is non binary is a weird way of saying that being trans is a normal part of the human experience.

The whole handwavium around Donna getting her memories back. Look first of all, I’m glad she did, because that ending never sat right with me, but the main reason it didn’t sit right was because of the horrible consent issues around the Doctor removing Donna’s memories against her will, and that is not even addressed.

Also, the execution of it just felt cheap to me. It’s such an RTD move to hype something up and then handwave it away – I mean, does anyone else remember that she already got her memories back in The End of Time and all that happened is she had a nice nap – and so the more they built up the whole “she will die” the more annoyed I got, and sure enough, hey look, she’s just fine!

Now, I could kind of accept that the metacrisis energy had passed to Rose. But the next scene was so cringeworthy and not in a good way. The weirdness of the whole “we let it go” because we are wise, compassionate, lovely women unlike you male presenting time lords was extremely WTF. I don’t know if RTD thought he was attempting feminism with this but it just came across as patronizing. Also, ironically, that kind of gender essentialist “women lovely, men horrible” shit is RadFem 101.

And finally – if you’ve been keeping up with the rumour mill, you will know why I laughed in despair when Donna spilt her coffee on the TARDIS console. There is a leak in the wild which so far has proved almost completely accurate, down to predicting the spilt coffee kick-starting the events of Wild Blue Yonder, and if it’s also right about how The Giggle ends, then all I can say is - buckle up, kids. Shit’s about to go down.

#doctor who #rtd2 electric boogaloo #the star beast #mamma mia here we go again doctor #oh ok fuck it yes I have to start calling him the fourteenth doctor #cosmic posts #dw spoilers #doctor who spoilers

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adultswim2021 · 1 year

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The Boondocks #28: “The Story of Gangstalicious Part 2” | February 4, 2008, - 11:30PM | S02E13

A follow-up to the first Gangstalicious episode. In this episode, we find out that RIley has continued to be in touch with Gangstalicious, who sends Riley free CDs and other merch all the time. It’s evident (and eventually confirmed) that the reason for this is he’s effectively sending Riley these care packages as a hush payment. The punchline from the first episode (Riley in extreme denial about Gangstalicious’ sexuality, that is) carries over to this one; Riley just thinks they’re good friends and still believes that he hallucinated Gangstalicious’ doing a big gay kiss on the lips with another fella.

Ganstalicious has a song called “Homies over Hoes” which is tearing up the charts. In fact, Gangsatlicous has never been hotter. He even debuts his fashion line on Regis and Kelly, which is just ridiculously gay stuff. Riley, still oblivious, proudly wears the gay guy stuff, while Grandad panics about his grandson becoming a gay dude. Riley stays in denial, even in the face of a tell-all book written by a woman who was rebuffed by Gangstalicious for being gay reasons. Eventually, Riley confronts Gangstalicious and asks him point blank if he’s gay. Gangstalicious still denies it, and Riley wholeheartedly accepts his denial at face value. And that’s the end.

This is a really funny one, but it may not be to some people’s tastes. The harsh gay panic on display from some of the characters will come off outdated or just unfunny to plenty. It’s important to note that this was an era when I think most gay-panic comedy was written with some degree of irony, or at the very least it was presented that way after the fact by a lot of creatives who weren’t done going to the gay jokes well. It’s, of course, absurd to be homophobic, which is why it’s funny when we write a character calling another person gay, that kind of thing. Nevermind they are reaping the benefits of having chucklheads from the midwest just taking those jokes at face value and enjoying them wholeheartedly.

A lot of these jokes are weaponized now for various battles in modern culture wars. I have a distaste for anyone taking stuff like the “You know how I know you’re gay?” scene from The 40 Year Old Virgin and balling up their fists in outrage either that those jokes ever existed or that current movies aren’t telling jokes exactly those ones anymore. Please just let being gay or trans be normal. I promise, it’s much more important than being able to see gay jokes in new movies. You can still watch this episode on HBOMax right now and laugh at it in the privacy of your own home, if you want. We don’t need the same gay jokes that were told about Michael Jackson to be told again about [I literally have no idea who to put here, sorry!].

But basically, yes, the only truly sympathetic character here might be Gangsalicious himself, who has to continue living a lie. Riley is homophobic because he’s a dumb kid. Granddad is homophobic because he’s an old stupid man. Thugnificent and his crew are homophobic because they are cowardly, literally seen shaking and hiding from the gay man at their doorstep they originally agreed to collab with. Huey is even guilty in this episode because he might directly benefit from Riley’s perceived gayness and get his own room. This episode accurately reflects a time when being homophobic was just the easiest path.

I’m probably giving the episode too generous of a read here. I have no clue how Aaron mcgruder feels about gay people. I personally don’t know how actually homophobic the jokes are meant to be. The disclaimer at the start is rather coarse, and if that’s the only thing we have to go on then this episode probably deserves some flack. But I thought the episode was funny, and it might be in part due to the mental gymnastics I did to make it reflect my own feelings a little more. And at the end of the day, aren’t my own delusions the most important thing in the entire world?

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #the boondocks

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bigbarabelly · 2 months

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I love your mpreg art. It gives me like gender euphoria. I'm filled with the urge to get knocked up and be a dad. It's a bit confusing because I'm a Cis dude, but I'll figure it out. You're awesome.

Anon

AAAAAAAAA anon ;; LISTEN OM REALLY GLAD like whether y’all take my art as just spank bank fodder or more I’m still very grateful for the impact and reach it’s had letting ppl figure their shit out like I did. Gender is weird even when you align with your shit. Like when I first started transitioning and figured out I was trans yearssssss after discovering this fuck ass kink LMAO. I didn’t know a lot about the whole spanse of identities and chromosomes and intersex stuff. There’s so much overlay into everyone’s unique circumstances from hormones and genetics alone to how you were raised and what you were exposed to at pivotal development points, and then the broad overlapping distinctions and identities that give us closure and group support of ppl in the same or similar niche coming together. I get dysphoric still over my body but at the same time I’m cool with it most of the time and that in itself helped me understand trans is all over the place. You don’t have to be super dysphoric or dress to fit the look. You just be.

and preg as a kink/fetish/interest what have you is just an idk deeper look into our mortal animal need to breed and the deeper psychological need to create family and social support around us because at its core we crave contact and acceptance from each other and instincts to make a better generation. Not including the separate just kinky want to breed without committing to domestic life family LMAO. But ye Call me a man but my genderqueer ass is still ok, and wanting, to like embrace that part of what’s considered a “female” thing to do of raising kids. I’d still like a dope ass penis but I’m also ok indulging this fuck ass pussy and just enjoying being here.

A lot of this is a jumbled mess so take from it what you will and ask any clarifying questions on my opinions LOL but like tldr wanting this is not as crazy as it seems???? LMAO its closure in a sort of like new exploratory way as you figure out yourself, whether you change labels or not, but it feels good and right just being yourself. And I personally think it’s super cute and wholesome seeing that want in others over something as raunchy as preg kink to as simple as just wanting to be a parent and carry your own child regardless of the genetic organs you’re dealt

TLDR ILU ALL AND TYSM ;;

#anon #breplies #bring back that ask answer tag here I think #tldr #smooches u

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thessalian · 2 months

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Thess vs A CrapSack World

So basically the world is really, really fucked up right now. I can bullet-point a lot of it, or at least I can try.

GENOCIDE BAD, OKAY?

And across the pond from me... Not seeing nearly enough about the fact that "old white dude quietly trying to get shit done as leader of his country but also maintaining the status quo on genocide" is still better than "old orange-ish dude who will destroy your fucking country and exacerbate the genocide if you let him get in again"

Apparently standing up and shouting "GENOCIDE BAD" is enough to panic people in this country so hard that folks are spinning fantasies about some Israeli Deep State controlling all of us (yes, actual government officials are saying this shit, and not even really getting condemned for it - look up Lee Anderson sometime) and start hinting at new anti-protest legislation (as if we didn't have enough of that) because "mob rule is replacing democratic rule". Says the man who nobody voted for.

Everything is way too expensive. And is only getting more and more expensive as time goes on - especially here, since we're having the worst effects of Brexit hitting us in stages and we're just about at the worst of it now.

The wealthy are blaming us for not wanting to work too hard for too little money, and for not buying enough to keep industries running, and generally fucking over everybody to keep their profit margins going ever-upwards. I can almost see the upcoming destruction of the bubble, but apparently we're going to go into "dynamic pricing" first, to make us pay more even for essentials depending on some AI's idea of when they can fleece us the most. Basically I'm tired of being a money-stuffed pinata to be beaten on by our corporate overlords until cash comes out.

On a personal note, I just had to register for postal voting and have no the fuck idea who I should be voting for because for fuck's sake, they're all as bad as each other at that point. I could probably focus on my constituency, but this is such a safe Labour seat that it barely even matters. Still, I'm not going to hike up a fucking hill to exercise my democratic rights, even if I don't know if there's anyone I can actually in all good conscience vote for.

Further personal note: just about every fucking part of the government seems to hate trans people. They all seem to be making the statement about "I know what a man is and I know what a woman is and there is no confusion about that", with the underlying suggestion of "man = penis, woman = vulva", which ... dear gods. We've got people asking, "Were the two kids who murdered a trans pupil really evil?" like, "Yeah, they fucking killed somebody, but ... well, it was only one of those..."

Final personal note: I am still so fucking tired of being disabled. I want to go out to the yarn store in my area, because ... y'know, good yarn, learning to crochet, yadda. Plus some other errands - I need gluten-free pasta, which they ran out of for my big monthly grocery order, and some other stuff. But I'm having to plan this entire trip in the most strategic way you can imagine because ... well, pain. I am so tired of having pain.

So there's all of ... y'know. This. And sometimes I don't know how I don't just despair myself into the ground. Because I can't do anything about most of this. Hell, I can't do anything about any of this. It just sits there, being shitty.

However. I had a really helpful therapist once, after I had my really major breakdown, and she said that the whole thing where I was grabbing at anything that might have the remotest chance of making me even briefly happy was a good instinct, and I just had to learn to do it more consciously. So. As small and shallow as some of these things are, here are my things right now:

I have the most awesome friends.

On the subject of friends, I have D&D nights.

I have pretty decent parentals, all told.

I have a new-old book (an old favourite I haven't read in a long time, and picked up for my Kindle recently)

I have a week off work, so I can recover a bit from the ow.

I have the first game I've pre-ordered since Dredge, which will be available in just over two weeks.

I have a trip to the yarn store ... and the yarn store has a shop cat.

That'll do for the time being. It may not seem like much, but it's a good bulwark between me and despair. I remember enough about my really major breakdown to know I really need those.

#Thess vs the world in general

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