#yes i know i am traumatised from him i see it now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dancermk · 6 months

Text

HELLO MY FELLOW TRAVELERS!

I, like many viewers, have been completely entranced by Hawk and Tim’s love story in Fellow Travelers. As a mature queer person, this show has been very emotional, and I am deeply invested. (I WILL riot if Tim doesn’t get to die in Hawk’s arms, and know that he is, and has always been, loved by Hawk.) But I digress.

Something that I have been fascinated by are the differing opinions that have surfaced about the characters, especially Hawk. I’m not looking for any arguments here, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is simply mine. To me, Hawk falls hard and fast for Tim. He breaks all his own rules for Tim - they topple over like a house of cards.

When we are introduced to Hawk, he’s cold and heartless with the men he hooks up with - they are nothing more than a body to fulfil his sexual needs and desires. He doesn’t do repeats and he doesn’t bring them home. But Tim, he instantly begins returning to, gets him a job, then allows him into his own apartment, etc. When Tim pushes back, Hawk relents further, letting him in emotionally, sharing parts of his past, crossing lines by introducing him to others in his circle, and so on.

Hawk is a traumatised man, carrying guilt and anger and shame, and a bucket load of fear! Yes, he has some internalised homophobia, but interestingly, he’s also extremely righteous about his homosexuality -and I don’t believe he thinks being gay is wrong in any way. (His response to his father is indicative of this).

I can personally say that I’ve never thought it was wrong to be queer, yet I spent much of my life hiding who I was and feeling shame. It’s an odd thing! Perhaps it is that the shame forms purely from what is outside of us, while what is inside of us can love another person of the same sex, knowing it is right and pure. Perhaps these contradictions between self and society are what causes so much pain and conflict?

But back to Hawk. Hawk is undoubtedly most affected by his teenage first love experience. A love that he fucked up through his own fears (fear for many men is unacceptable and a sign of weakness), and now carries the burden of believing he is responsible for their death. Hawk doesn’t allow himself to love again, until Tim. And we see many times throughout the show how much Hawk fears losing Tim. And in the end he’ll have to face that fear. I think that, in part, not attempting to have a life with Tim, is also fuelled by his fear of fucking it up and losing Tim - so it’s easier to just not attempt it! In episode 7, when he loses his son, part of that spiral is Hawk recognising that he can’t really prevent loss, and he wasted his life trying to be something he’s not - still losing his child and Tim along with it.

But Hawk is a survivor! And no one has the right to hate or judge him for it. I don’t think some young people truly understand what it feels like to live in a world where who you love can put you in jail, and destroy your life. I grew up in the 70s/80s and my experiences were bad enough, but I try so very hard to think about what it was like before that! When being queer was a crime and a mental illness! That’s pure terror! And for Hawk, he chose to survive the best way he knew how, and he wasn’t able to change because that’s fucking hard when all you’ve known is living in constant ‘fight or flight,’ and when have chronic trauma and experience collective trauma.

I think in episode 8 we’ll finally get to see Hawk grow - I certainly hope so - because he deserves to be free. Our beautiful Skippy has been free for some time, and while we mourn for the cruelty of a world that would take such a truly decent man, I am glad he got to live freely. Being closeted is the worst kind of suffering- a compartmentalised and fragmented existence where you are never truly whole, and therefore can never be the best version of yourself.

Before I go, I just wanted to also talk about being in a closeted relationship-which I experienced in my youth. I think that Hawk and Tim’s intense and toxic and exquisitely beautiful relationship, in part, arises from this. Because two closeted people in love live their relationship in secret, in a bubble, only in certain rooms, with none of the outside world reflected back at them. It becomes the two of you against the world. It’s so insular. Hawk and Tim literally live their 1950s relationship within two rooms - their apartments. All their memories are held within those walls. And it only belongs to them. They know each in ways that no other living soul does. It’s all-consuming and often unhealthy, but also stupidly romantic.

Anyway, sorry for this long winded post that no one will read and is likely full of grammatical errors because I’m tired! This atheist is praying we get everything we need from episode 8! Acceptance, forgiveness, understanding resolution, healing and a whole lot of love! ❤️

Cheers queers! 🏳️‍🌈

PS Matt and Johnny are exquisite on and off screen and I am so thankful to them for bringing these characters and this story into our lives!

#fellow travelers #hawk and tim #hawkins fuller #tim laughlin #hawk and skippy #matt bomer #jonathan bailey #lgbtqia #queer media

193 notes · View notes

jayden-killer · 6 months

Text

Unforeseeable incident.

(Loki x fem!reader).

summary: you agreed with your best friend Thor to come to Asgard, expecting you could take well the interdimentional voyage. Well, you didn't. And now you're stuck in a certain prince's bed...

warnings: none. This is a LOKI AU!! This takes place in an universe where Loki was never traumatised by Odin and the events of the first Thor movie don't happen!!!

☆

Hot.

What I felt on my skin was a suffocating heat that left me no time to breathe.

I could feel the drops of sweat on my forehead, and my breathing was straining as I regained consciousness. Until I opened my eyes with a startle. As if I were drowning in the open sea my lungs filled with all the air possible; I inhaled, I exhaled. I did it a second, then a third time, until my breathing settled. My first thought, looking around the room decorated with antique ornaments, illuminated by the light fire from the fireplace, was that it was certainly not on Earth. Had I been abducted? By aliens? Perhaps I sounded tempting for dinner.

Definitely.

All the thoughts in my head distracted me from the slender figure and well dressed in green and golden armor. The raven hair was well combed backwards. And those aquamarine eyes that reminded me of the salty expanse that I loved so much. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw me awake.

"My apologies, young lady, I didn't mean to startle you" was his kind voice.

"I am.. where?" That’s all I could say in the throes of curiosity and fear. If I was kidnapped, I had to at least know the name of my kidnapper.

"I offer you my sincere apologies on behalf of Loki, God of Mischief, son of Odin, and Frigga, brother of Thor and future King of Asgard". He bent down at the bed foot, his face quite close to mine. I could see the delicate features of his face, his lips rosy and thin...

Wait a second. Asgard. Thor..

Oh.

Now my little neurons were connecting.

My hand hit my forehead hard, making the slap ring throughout the room. The raven-haired boy let out an amused laugh. "Your brother is an idiot if he thought I would survive the Bifrost trip," I said, rolling my eyes.

"My brother is many things. Among these, he do not have any sense". He smiled again. "Foolish brother..."

"Right.."

Sitting down, resting my head on the soft (royal) pillow, I still looked around the lost room. It was clear that Asgard, one of the worlds of the Nine Kingdoms, had just come out of a chapter of the ``Lord of the Rings``. Everything seemed so... medieval.

"Make me guess, Prince Loki..."

He raised a hand in dissent and laughed. "I do not approve of the use of real titles, I find them retrograde. We may also be a different people from you Midgardians, however..."

This time it was my turn to interrupt him. "Midgardians?"

"Ah, yes," he smiled. "Mortals. Humans. Earthlings. Which one do you prefer?"

"Every of them, as long as you don’t use earthlings. It looks like I'm talking to an alien." I shuddered at the idea and he couldn’t help but laugh. He moved to the edge of his large bed, standing beside me, while maintaining a distance between us. "I will never do it again, I swear to the gods."

"But you are a God," I pointed out.

"Ah, correct answer, but I am not a superior God."

My eyes shrunk into two small slits, confused. "Okay, go ahead."

"As I said, you mortals are not accustomed to the use of our means of transport. It was clear that you would not be able to pass out at the end of the journey. No wonder my bum-head brother didn’t show you the instructions".

Now I was more confused than before. "Are there any instructions on how to cross it?"

"We’re not barbarians!" he replied, offering me a mischievous smile from those who knew each other. Then he stood up, not looking away from mine. He kept his smile curved towards the corner of his cheek, turning the bed and walking towards the door. Meanwhile I remained on the bed, never breaking the visual contact between us. It was intense, a visual contact that implied that between us it would be a deep future connection.

"Your Asgardian clothes are resting on the chair at the bottom of the room," he said softly, keeping the gold-plated knob in his hand.

"I’m going to have a chat with my stupid brother. You, instead, take it easy, Midgardian."

I think he meant the change of clothes.

Before he could let me fight with my thoughts soft eyes turned towards my direction with a mixed look of curiosity and malice, saying with confidence: "I expect to see you take part in the annual welcome back ceremony of the eldest son tonight. Don’t be late, Odin doesn’t like to wait". With this, he closed the door behind him, and I swore on my life to hear him sniggering. I think it was the third or fourth time I turned to look at the room I was in, in a state of confusion. As much confusion when I wondered aloud if Thor, in another universe, had measured his boldness better.

#marvel imagine #marvel x reader #loki x reader #loki laufeyson x y/n #loki x y/n #loki laufesyon x reader #loki laufeyson #loki series #au!#au #one short #imagine #mcu #oneshot #tom hiddleston #loki x you #loki laufeyson x reader #loki

202 notes · View notes

xxx-silhouette-xxx · 1 year

Text

Am I the only one disappointed with season 3 of The Mandalorian?

Contains SPOILERS - so skip if you don’t wanna know

Tonight was, painful.

I’ve REALLY been trying to hang on with an open mind but after tonight, there’s no going back.

And I’ve got some things to get off my chest.

Din Djarin has had NO character development from the sacrifice he made for Grogu’s life. This has been inarguably, the biggest disappointment for me. I was hoping for a season of exploration of a man’s moral compass and worldview being hauled upside down, a young boy who’d been orphaned, traumatised and taken in by a cult that raised him with titanium religious beliefs. Who grew into a hardened bounty hunter but gave up everything he knew for the sake of a lost child. Became shunned for protecting said child and despite doing what he felt was right, strived to seek redemption and forgiveness. There was so much potential for Din as a character in terms of growth and development, all of which was swept under a rug within the first two episodes. He has instead become apart of Disney’s formula of “the boss ladies side bitch” with nothing to add to the scene but his catchphrase “this is the way”. That and the sudden revival of his hate for droids even though he had been working on that issue in past seasons.

Grogu is more or less the commodity Disney grew cash dollar signs in their eyes over for the sake of product marketing and just have him doing cutesy shit for the sake of being cutesy.

And then there’s Bo Katan.

Now disclaimer - I’m not the type that hates an actual person for a character they play. Yes, I’ve never liked Bo Katan (that much I’ve made clear in recent posts) but I also think that Katee Sackhoff does a brilliant job playing a character as such. And to see her come to life in season 2 was incredible and to me, Bo Katan from season two is the REAL Bo Katan.

Because I’m sure as hell disappointed with what they’ve done to her character in season 3. Bo Katan was a terrorist who broke away from Mandalore unable to accept a new direction in leadership from her own sister. She massacred and terrorised innocent people, she plotted towards the death of her sister, splintered off from her terrorist group after the throne of Mandalore was taken by Maul and continued to fight against his loyalists and later the empire itself.

And we all saw the look of death on her face when Gideon pointed out that the dark Sabre belonged to Din

This isn’t someone I was rooting for but this was someone who didn’t know when to give up and would go to any means possible to get what they wanted. This is the same woman who made an oath in the throne room of Mandalore, saying that an outsider would never rule the people. The odds were against her in many ways yet she still fought like hell…. Where is that woman? And who replaced her with Disney’s first emo teen princess whose suddenly forgotten her xenophobic upbringing?

And as for Lizzo and Jack Black’s appearances in episode six?

My partner said it best when he commented that they turn the whole show into a parody of itself.

Personally, I found Christopher Loyd’s character as flat as cardboard and an absolutely pointless goose chase used to build up momentum all to throw away the opportunity for a twist ending.

It really breaks my heart to see the series diminish into what it has. The whole reason people fell in love with the show was due to Din and Grogu’s father son dynamic and that’s all been thrown to the side in favour of other characters, setting up for the future of other shows and tying off the ends to the sequels.

Season three completely lacks the drive and purpose of the previous seasons.

It should and could have been so much more than what it is.

And Din Djarin deserved more depth in his story then to be abandoned to the side lines.

#the mandalorian #mandalorian season 3 #din djarin #pedro pascal #star wars #mando #mando spoilers #mando fanfiction #katee sackhoff

390 notes · View notes

blingblong55 · 11 months

Text

To live without- 141 + Alejandro

Based on a request:

Hii can I make a request for some angst?? Maybe the reader having an argument with the TF 141 + Alejandro, inside the car or anywhere resulting to a break up?? Cause I'm a sucker for angst, thankss 🫶

F!Reader, angst, established!relationship, break-ups, cheating (not all)

A/N: This will be in 5 parts

Part 1 (John Price), Part 2, (Soap), Part 4 (Alejandro), Part 5 (Ghost)

It has been a stressful few months for him, between his job, you, his own safety and yours, let alone the current argument over his birthday. It's why you and he are now in the car, having this argument.

Gaz:

The end of you started months ago when his job was his only priority. And like any other soldier, he kept you by his side, feeding you just enough love and attention to keep you hooked for a few more months. You weren't to blame, you loved him because he consumed your very last thought. What you had for him was pure love, nothing more.

And he knew that from the very beginning. Your love was so innocent and sweet, but that once sweet love you held for him to take was burnt down. The constant arguing, his absence, the one-sided love and his job. It all came down to how he delivered it, "Happy birthday!" you hug him and he pushes you away. "Not now, dear," he says in a rude and cold tone. The past mission left him tired and traumatised but that still wasn't an excuse to push you away, emotionally and physically.

You frown a little, he knows damn well you are an emotional person, it's what drew him to you, that and how much you cared for everyone, you were...are so kind it's such a sight to see for him. He sighs, "Look, I just want to be left alone." he looked at you, a stern face and tone in his voice. You nod, "Okay...I..baked a cake for you...should be in the fridge," you tugged at your jumper, feeling awkward now.

"Well, see you" he not once looked at you, eyes on his phone. You nod and walk out of his flat. You finally let go and cry, meanwhile, he can hear this all and listens as you cry your way down the hall. Before you go down the stairs, his mates come up the stairs, "Oh hey r/n! excited for the party?"

Hurt to know he wanted you out to have fun. Yes, you are a kind person but once someone does something to hurt you, that's when kindness leaves you. You walk back to his flat, open the door and march towards him, "a fucking party? And here I thought you needed space!" his friends know best and wait outside, letting you two talk it out.

"I just don't need you here today.." he admits. You scoff, "So what, this whole time you just have me around when you need fucking stability?" you by this point were hurt and furious.

"No, look...you are so...fucking sensitive, the guys can't make a joke without you getting hurt... it's seriously annoying me"

"They make jokes at my expense, make fun of who I am...call me names you know damn well have a bad past for me.."

"Maybe if you weren't such a fucking little bitch it wouldn't hurt!" he raised his hand and quickly put it back down.

That was it, the last point that had to be given so you could finally walk out. And once you finally left his place, his friends walk in and cheer him up. As the party continued, his friends got more drunk, they opened the fridge, taking hold of the cake you made.

Carrot cake just like how he loved it. You must've spent time learning to do such a thing for him. They smashed it and all he could do was watch as the last proof of love he had for you died down with the rest of the night.

348 notes · View notes

queenshelby · 10 months

Text

Yes! Mr Murphy (Rewritten)

PART 25: THE VISIT

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Lots of Angst, Age Gap, Teacher x Student, Pregnancy Loss, Infertility

Cillian’s PoV (starting with a little backflash)

As soon as Dermont hung up on Cillian, Cillian jumped out of bed and got dressed. He told Kit that he had to get to the airport right away and, of course, that night, she wanted to know what was wrong.

“Did something happen with Nina?” she asked concerned but Cillian shook his head while throwing his clothes into his small carry-on suitcase.

“No. I mean yes…” he stammered while ensuring that he did not forget anything in the room, which included his tablet, wallet and travel documents.

“No? Yes?” Kit asked. “That’s not an answer Cillian!” she then said before telling him that she was going to go to the airport with him, regardless of what happened.

“Y/N is in hospital. She had surgery and I need to see her” Cillian reluctantly explained after Kit would not relent and that, of course, made her sigh with frustration.

“Jesus” Kit spat, annoyed. “What’s wrong with her?” she then asked, pretending to care but Cillian did not know as, by this point, Dermont had no idea why you collapsed.

***

The following morning and after having been denied visitation the night before, Cillian arrived at the hospital as early as possible, being 8 o’clock, the start of visitation hours.

At this time, Nina was still in bed, catching up on some well needed sleep while her aunt, Orla, looked after her.

Connie had dropped Nina back off at Cillian’s apartment last night, after he had arrived back home just around 2 o’clock and, unsurprisingly, Nina was still awake and consumed with worry about you.

Nina was traumatised by what happened the day before, making her already increasing anxiety even worse.

Despite the fact that Connie had told Nina that you were doing fine now, she wanted to visit you and Cillian’s response to this was “let’s give her some space” without admitting to his daughter that he wanted to see you on his own first.

This was because, Cillian knew that, after what Connie had told him last night, he could not take Nina to hospital with him just yet. At least not until he spoke to you and ascertained how you were feeling. Connie had indicated to him that you may have had a miscarriage or experienced a pregnancy complication of some sort and this was something that surprised Cillian.

“There was a lot of blood Nina said and she was then transferred from the ER to the maternity ward” Connie told Cillian last night which caused his chin to drop.

“She was pregnant?” he asked with some shock and confusion as this was the first he had heard of it.

“I would say so, but I don’t know” Connie explained before running her hands over Cillian’s hands in a comforting way. “I am sorry Cill. I really am” she then told him, to which Cillian sighed.

“Fuck. I need to see her” he told her before attempting to do exactly that, without success. He was turned away by the hospital’s security staff and was told to come back the following day which, of course, he did.

At hospital…

Thus, just ten minutes past eight and after making his way to the maternity ward, Cillian was shown to your room but, as soon as Emma saw him, she raced towards the door and prevented him from entering.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” she asked angrily after, just an hour ago, having read the article about him and Kit in the Irish Times. Clearly, he had moved on so there was no way she would allow him anywhere near you, she thought.

“I am entitled to see her, Emma!” Cillian thus told her sternly while trying to get to you, which is when Emma started to curse at him and allowed her hand to slip, leaving a red mark across his cheek.

“You’ve got some fucking nerve, don’t you?” she spat before tearing up inside. She felt as emotional as you did after almost having lost her best friend and the lack of sleep certainly did not ease her reaction towards Cillian’s attitude.

“I’ve got some nerve?” Cillian asked as he, too, was upset and confused as, by this point, he was not sure whether you were still pregnant or not.

“She almost died, alright! Because of you!” Emma cursed, being unreasonable herself as her very own emotions began to overwhelm her.

“Because of me?” Cillian asked full of rage and anger before starting to curse as well, making a scene in front of the nurses. “You just fucking…” he began, pointing the finger at Emma, before aborting his sentence. “You know what, I don’t need this shit. I am here out of curtesy, nothing more” he then told her and Emma’s chin dropped.

“Curtesy?” she asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

“Yes, curtesy. She is still my daughter’s dance teacher and I still care for her even though I didn’t even know that she was pregnant, alright?” Cillian told Emma while tears slowly started to build up in the corner of his eyes. “But, I assume that this was yet another thing she just did not tell me, just like her real age” he then went on to say, causing Emma’s hand to almost slip again but, luckily for you and Cillian, she restrained herself.

“Oh my god Cillian, get the fuck out of here. She doesn’t want to see you” Emma then began to tell him which is when, finally, you interrupted them both.

“Emma, it’s fine. Let him come in” you said and, with that, just after Emma had told Cillian to get lost, in no uncertain terms, he decided to confront you and if it was not for the strong painkillers you were on, you would probably have slapped him as well for how he handled the situation.

"Why did you not tell me? I did not fucking know..." Cillian said as soon as he walked into the room. He was upset and confused and somewhat hungover.

"That makes two of us Cillian! I didn't know either. Now are you done accusing me of things?" you asked after having overheard his conversation with Emma which felt like a kick in the guts for you as he made it out to be as though you probably kept the pregnancy from him on purpose.

“You did not know? I mean, how did this even happen?” Cillian then asked, panicking, as, by now, he was well and truly plagued by disruptive thoughts as well.

“We had sex” you chuckled but, unfortunately for you, as soon as you did as little as smile, your abdomen began to ache from all the incisions and stitches.

“Seriously Y/N” Cillian said, not seeing the humour in this at all while you had already made peace with your situation.

“Apparently my implant was ineffective” you then began to say, causing Cillian to interrupt you.

“You said that you were on the pill” he exclaimed before asking you what an implant was, to which, of course, you provided him with an explanation. You also told him that, during your one-night stand, you simply told him that you were on the pill to avoid any more unnecessary questions.

“I just figured that all these hormonal contraceptives are pretty much the same but, unfortunately, with mine, there was a recall in the US which I was unaware of and, as result, it became ineffective” you told Cillian before throwing around terms like ectopic pregnancy, fallopian tubes and endometriosis.

“So, you lost the baby?” he then asked cautiously, trying to make sense of all that you told him.

“No, I lost the pregnancy Cillian. There was no baby to start with and, even if there was, you would not have had to worry about it. I grew up in foster care as you know and I most certainly would not have kept a child that I cannot, myself, support. I do not want children of my own and this was not something I lied about to you. So, no matter how much you accuse me of being untruthful to you, the only time I ever lied to you was when I lied about my age and I only kept this lie alive for so long because I knew that I would lose you if I had told you the truth” you told Cillian as your emotions finally got the better of you and you started to cry which, too, made your abdomen hurt quite a bit.

Your admissions left Cillian speechless for a minute or two and it was not until started to moan in discomfort from the pain that Cillian took your hand into his.

“How are you feeling? Should I call a nurse?” Cillian asked with concern while you clinched down hard on his hand and shifted to a more comfortable position.

“No, I will be okay” you then told him while, finally, loosing the grip you had on his hand.

“Of course you will be. You are a fighter and one of the most amazing people I know” he told you, trying to comfort you but what he said made you somewhat angry instead.

“And yet you avoided me like the plague for the past two weeks. You even resigned from the Gaity school, because of me” you spat while pulling your hand away from his.

“I couldn’t see you Y/N. I just fucking couldn’t” Cillian told you while trying to comfort you again by placing his hand on top of your forearm which also was not what you wanted him to do.

“Fair enough, but at least, you could have responded to my message about James. It was fucking urgent, you know” you cried while pushing his hand away and, just as you did, Emma approached you both to check whether you were alright.

“What message?” Cillian asked and confusion was written all over his face.

“Don’t play me Cillian” you told him nonetheless, knowing that he was a good actor.

“I don’t know what you are talking about” Cillian insisted while pulling out his phone and looking through his messages.

“I sent you a message almost two weeks ago” you told him, but he could not find any and showed you that he had never received a message from you since the night of your birthday.

“Well, James is back and he is playing hardball” you thus told Cillian before explaining to him what happened. You told him what James had said to you and talked about the threats he made, wanting to expose you both after having followed you around, all the way to Cillian’s apartment.

“James clearly the court order and now he is threatening you?” Cillian chuckled after you took about ten minutes to explain to him what happened.

“He is threatening us, not just me” you told him angrily as, seemingly, he thought that this was funny.

“Listen Y/N, James has never been the smartest. He broke his order by stalking you and if that backfires on him, he will get much more than just a bad school record. There will be criminal charges” Cillian explained which, of course, made sense.

“Okay, so what now?” you thus asked while Cillian put his phone back into back of his pocket, thereby ignoring the three missed calls he had from Kit.

“You don’t need to worry about it. I will get my solicitor to handle it. You just concentrate on getting better, alright? Because god knows those kids will not make at finals without you. At least this is what Nina tells me” Cillian joked and this, too, made you laugh uncomfortably again for which Cillian apologised.

“How is Nina?” you then asked after the pains subsided again.

“She will be okay” Cillian told you before telling you that she really wanted to see you.

“You can bring her in if you like. I can pretend not to know you much even though I am pretty high on pain meds” you joked, really wanting to thank Nina for getting an ambulance for you and performing first aid after you passed out.

“She would love that” Cillian told you before, somewhat surprisingly, he said something else you did not expect.

“And you know that, if you do need anything, you can text me, alright?” he told you before giving you a somewhat awkward hug, for which you had to work around all the monitors and tubes.

“Okay visiting time is over” Emma then said, watching the situation unfold and, with the view to protect you, she told Cillian that you needed your rest.

This time around, Cillian nodded and responded politely to her request for him to leave and, whilst you did not know why she was so incredibly upset with him, you were soon to find out as you picked up the paper that Emma had disposed off on the floor.

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy fanfiction

139 notes · View notes

thehyperfixationspeedrunner · 1 month

Text

This is me trying

On ao3 too

Summary: It's been a month since what Cardan has been calling the "reptile accident" when he decides to get up before Jude, not knowing the consequences.

OR these two are traumatised and they may not acknowledge it, but I will.

Trigger warnings (already put in the tags but I'm not sure if I did it right so better safe than sorry): panic attack, cussing

It's weird how easily you fall into routine. It's barely been a month since what Cardan has started calling the "reptile accident" or the one he likes best "revealing his true form" (although that one isn't used in front of Jude, she's not sure why but she prefers it that way). Anyway, it's been a month since Cardan has been transformed into a snake, since Cardan and Jude has started to live together as the King and Queen of Elfhame but they have already established a routine, even if neither of them has noticed it until today.

Jude is always the first to wake up - Jude was raised by a general and Cardan by a prince, so that part is obvious. She dresses first, giving Mr. Lazy time to sleep, and then she wakes up sleeping beauty even though he always complains that while there aren't people busting into the room saying he's late, she's waking him up early. He never says he hates it. Jude suspects is because he can't lie. From then, Jude orders breakfast while Cardan dresses up, and they eat together before having to deal with their royal obligations.

Today, however, was different. Shockingly, Jude was able to have some good 6 hours of sleep and woke up a bit disoriented. See, this is the bad part about sleeping a lot. When you wake up, your senses take a while to turn on. That's definitely the reason why Jude barely sleeps, at least that's what she tells everyone when they ask her. Because of that, she took a bit to notice that she was alone in bed, which triggered something in her brain. She instantly gets out of bed and starts to look in every corner of their room repeating to herself that everything is fine, Cardan just woke up earlier and is dressing up or putting the hundred of layers that he puts every morning because "I know I look impressive naturally but I am the High King, Jude, I have to look perfect". Except he is nowhere to be found.

See, a small but important part of this quickly created routine was when Jude woke up and she would always look to the side and see Cardan relaxed and asleep, would look at his chest rise and fall and make sure that, yes, he's alive and, no, this last month was not a fever dream, he really is here. Without that confirmation, Jude is starting to spiral, and the fact that Cardan is not in the room doesn't help.

She tries to take a deep breath. She's the High Queen goddammit, she can't panic every time a minor routine change happens. But the truth is that she cannot take the deep breath. She cannot even take a small breath. She's pretty sure she's not breathing at all. But she has to because Cardan needs her. Jude goes through her options: one, he did wake up earlier, got knocked off in the room but somewhere hidden where she didn't check; two, he got knocked off somewhere in the castle and his unconscious body is lying there; three, he got abducted while he slept; four... Maybe last month was a fever dream. No, she is not going to think about option four.

While she does a more precise search through their room, she also tries to think of who would do this. He's the King of Elfhame, so it's obvious that he has a lot of enemies, but she is not remembering anyone who's this mad at him right now. However, her hands are trembling and there's still not enough air reaching her lungs, so maybe her memory is not the best at the moment. You were almost deadly stabbed before the incident.

Ok, he is not in the room, so option number two. This one is not the most likely. If someone knocked him off, they wouldn't just leave him in the middle of the corridor, and Faes don't just slip, so he couldn't have knocked himself out. Besides the palace is huge, it would take too long to search. Maybe you were less healed than you thought. Option number three it is. There are three windows in the room. The climb is hard but not impossible, she has done it herself while having a major injury. A major injury that could have been infected. Jude shakes her head and checks the three windows. None of them is broken and they are all locked from the inside, like they were when they went to sleep, which she knows because she always checks that before going to bed. Unless the person was a master spy (which is an option), she doesn't know how someone pulled that of. The other way into the room is through the door, so she quickly opens it, revealing two knights part of her security.

"Was there any disturbance last day?" She would be surprised that her voice somehow didn't fail if she was at all worried with that right now.

"We heard or seen nothing different than usual, your majesty."

"Have you fallen asleep or abandoned your post anytime during your shift?" The knights were visibly offended by that, but she had to clear all her options.

"No, your majesty. Is everyth-" Having her answers, Jude closes the door, leaving the knights to their jobs. If she was in her right mind she would have noticed that she was still in her bed clothes, her hair was mess, the room was worse and her hands still trembled and her breath was still labored. But she was not her in her right mind. Cardan is missing- He was not here at all. Her husband is missing and she is going to find him. Maybe he was taken outside their bedroom and there is going to be some kind of clue outside of it.

She is about to open the door again when a thought crosses her mind. The lover's bedroom. There is a pathway between that room and the High King and Queen's room. That is how whoever took Cardan got in. No one got in. Hallucinations caused by infections are common, at least for mortals. She slides through the pathway towards the other bedroom but is met with a similar scenario. No window was broken and all of them are closed from the inside, same with the door, no signs of breaking. Stop looking for what you won't find. You know you can barely remember anything after cutting Cardan's head off. It was the serpents head. You know that's the same thing. There was a battlefield where you broke down. You could have easily been stabbed. I would remember it. Would you? Sometimes, our mind purposely forgets traumatic memories. You could have passed out. No. You could have dreamt. Stop. Cardan is dead and you have been feeding yourself this fantasy because you can't deal with the guilt. STOP. You killed him and now you're living in a world without him and you'll keep living in it because that's the reality. I SAID STOP.

Jude. The sound of something breaking. She can't do it. She can't go back to those three days. She can't live without Cardan's mockery. She can't live without his laugh. She can't.

JUDE. She's shaking now, or someone is shaking her, she's not lucid enough to understand. God, he's her anchor. She doesn't know what to do without him. She wants to go back to sleep. She wants to go back to their routine. She wants to hear him complain about waking up early again. She wants to feel his fingers playing with her hair again. She wants-

JUDE! Cardan. She opens her eyes (since when were they closed?) and faces the love of her life's face. He looks adorably worried, full make up and hair nicely treated. She can't help but smile. "Cardan" she whispers, trying not to force her voice tired from screaming and crying (curious, she doesn't remember that). She puts her head in the space between his neck and shoulder and he starts rubbing circles on her back. "Stay" she pleads. Because that's what she's doing, pleading to the universe to let her stay in this fever dream, to have more time with Cardan, even if it isn't real, even if he's dead, even if that's her fault and there's just her to blame.

"Always" and that pisses her off. Because that's what Cardan would say, that's how Cardan looks, that's how Cardan acts and this mind prison has no right to be this close to reality.

"Liar" she spits. He looks mostly confused and a bit hurt but she doesn't care, this isn't real so nothing fucking matters.

"Jude, I would never abandon you-"

"But you did!" she's close to screaming now, but she doesn't care, her voice was cracking, but it doesn't matter. She has to get this out. "You abandoned me for three days because of that prophechy bullshit. You left me to rule Elfhame while simultaneously dealing with the schemings that my father and the frozen royalty was fucking doing and the fact that the love of my life was a goddam snake and then I, and I-" she can't get it out, she still can't believe it.

"You saved me."

"I killed you." she is fully sobbing now, but she can't stop. She gets up (she was sitting down?) and keeps going "You're dead and this is just a manifestation from my brain, because somewhere else I'm also dying and I hope I do because I can't live in a world where you're not. I physically will not be able to continue without you!" She sinks into the floor using the bed as support and Cardan sits in front of her. He has a puzzled expression in his face. They stay some time in silence, Jude catching her breath and Cardan trying to put pieces together.

"Why do you think I'm not real?" he finally asks, his voice tiny as if he's afraid of the answer.

"You weren't there." Jude matches his tone. "When I woke up. I always check to make sure you're there because if you are, then that means you're real and I'm not dreaming. At first, I thought you were kidnapped. That's why I'm here, I thought this was how whoever took you got in."

"My wife, scheming even when she's panicking." he's looking at her with that adoration in his eyes that never fails to take her breath away. "Let's keep scheming, shall we?" He looks at her, waiting for an answer so she nods. "You say that you are dreaming, you're in this coma and you can't wake up. Well, let's test this theory. Did you know that you can't read in dreams?" Another nod. Cardan gets up, picks a book from the bedside table and hands it to her. "Well, can you read?" The answer is yes. The book was a mortal romance that she was sure she had seen in Cardan's hands. That meant that this was real, Cardan was here and she hadn't killed him. Immediate relief washed over and with that came more tears that she hadn't noticed when they stopped. God, she was a mess. This is ridiculous, she is being ridiculous. Trying to look less like she just had a mental breakdown over nothing Jude attempts to clean the tears that don't stop. Of course this is reality, of course Cardan just woke up earlier and went to do god knows what. She's the fucking High Queen and she can't stand when her husband is out earlier, can't keep a cool head, can't-

"Stop." Cardan gently takes the hands that are trying to hide the tears that keep coming, why don't they stop? "Don't do that." His tone is gentle but secure and so goddamn grounding, how does he do it?

"Do what?"

"Close yourself. I could see the moment you realised that this was the reality because that was the moment the mask came back on. You're probably thinking that you don't have the right to feel this way because you can't show weaknesses or whatever bullshit your mind thinks of." Sometimes it's scary how well he knows her. "Don't close yourself from me." He is rubbing circles with his thumb on the back of her hand and it feels so right, everything about him feels so right.

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not." His tone is becoming more frustrated. "This is obviously bothering you, but I had no idea and because of my ignorance you just had a fucking panic attack." Her eyebrows went up. "I may have been reading about mortal psychology, but that's not important, what's important is," he moves his hands to cup her face and cleans the tears - that have finally stopped - with his thumb. "You don't have to pretend with me."

"You're one to talk." She retaliates but doesn't push him away. "You haven't said another word about those three days since I asked what it was like being a snake on the same day you stopped being one." Cardan laughs because he's Cardan and he laughs when he's nervous and he is not the only one who knows the other too well, she can see in his eyes that the thought of having to speak of those three days of hell terrifies him as much as her.

He moves to her side and sighs. "We really are made for each other, aren't we?" He seems to consider something before saying. "Let's make a pact. Whenever we want the other to open up, we say a code word and they have to do it after we reveal something that has been bothering us. No lies, no tricks, just the plain truth. Deal?" He gives her his right hand. It is always dangerous to make a deal with a fae, but this is Cardan, they have passed the backstabbing phase when she came back from exile. She takes his hand and shakes it.

"Deal. But we have to choose the word, something that we won't say normally."

"California." The place they went on their honeymoon instead of being on the two weeks celebrations of the Mortal Queen's victory over the serpent. The place where they were just two teenagers in love and not The Queen and King of Elhame, not the warrior and the prince, not the people with traumatic childhood, not the two broken pieces of what should be two whole people.

"Sounds great."

"I said it, so I start." He takes a deep breath and speaks. "I woke up earlier today because I had a nightmare. I wasn't someone trapped inside the snake like people like to believe, I was the snake. When the snake died, I died, even if for a few seconds." Jude takes a sharp breath, she always took comfort in the fact that she hadn't cut his head, but what was trapping him, that he hadn't felt anything. Cardan notices and takes both her hands and looks at her straight in the eyes. "I don't blame you, nor will I ever. If I say something assumimg the opposite, you have the premission to cut my head because that is not me. But as I was saying, when I saw you taking out the sword, I couldn't help but feel relief, but when you dealt the blow I, I-" another deep breath "I couldn't feel anything. I don't remember anything. I died. And that terrifies me. I was. I wasn't there. I replay that in my mind countless days, but today was so vivid, I couldn't fall back asleep, so I got out. I needed fresh air. I needed to be alone with my thoughts. I should've come back when it was time to wake up, I should've woken you, I didn't know that you needed that, but if I did, I would have done it."

They stay a few moments in silence, taking deep breaths and deep in thoughts.

"Your turn."

She wants to sugar-coat it. She wants to say that it wasn't that bad, she doesn't want to see guilt in his face even if it isn't his fault. But Cardan didn't sugar-coated when he revealed that what she did hurt him even if he knew it was going to hurt her. So instead, she says:

"Those were the worst three days of my life. I honestly thought it was going to be ok when we were negotiating with Madoc. That we won, they were going to surrender and we would be fine. Then I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe when Grimsen said that only death would save you. I went to Baphen, I went to the Old King, but all of them had the same answer. Somehow I had to rule the fucking kingdom while grieving a death that I didn't believe in. On top of all of that the court of teeths was on my throat, making plans to try to turn you and me into their puppets like their daughter. The relief that I had when I saw you alive was bigger than anything I thought I could feel, but the time between that and when I cutted the sna- your head it was my lowest. It was a hole and I was at the deep end with no way out. I cannot live without you." She stops to look at him. Look at his black hair and his eyes that look like black holes. His pale skin and his small mouth. No, she can't imagine a world without him. But that moment was close, so close. "I am so scared that I will go back to that void, I'm so scared that the universe wasn't as kind as I thought, I'm so scared to not wake up next to you."

He puts his arm around her shoulder and she puts her head on his. Jude looks up and sees tears running down Cardan's face, so she hugs him, feeling his other arm surround her. They stay silent for some time while Carden cries in Jude's shoulder and Jude just holds him close, all her tears wasted a few minutes ago.

"I'm sorry." Cardan was the one to break the silence.

"Not your fault."

"Liar."

"I wouldn't lie to you." It's the truth.

"May I remind you that you said you were fine while bawling your eyes out a few minutes ago?" OK, half true.

"When you have a nightmare, find me. I don't care if I just went to sleep, I don't care if I hadn't slept in days, I don't care if I'm not even asleep and you have to drag me out of my work, find me."

"When you feel like this is not real, find me. I don't care if you have to send someone to do it, I don't care if you run around the palace screaming my name, I don't care if I'm in the most important reunion, find me."

They break the hug to look at each other and say at the same time, "Deal".

"Sooo, do you want to have breakfast in bed and completely run away from our responsibilities?"

"We're the King and Queen of Elfhame."

"Exactly, there is no one above to stop us."

"We have an entire kingdom depending on us."

"Well, as the High King, I order you to stay in bed with me."

"As the High Queen, I'm going to refuse that order."

"Come on, you're mortal, you can say that we are sick or something." Jude's going to retaliate, but honestly? She's exhausted and spending the night in bed with her husband doesn't seem the worst idea.

"You are a horrible influence, do you know that?"

"Does that mean I win?"

She sighs. "Yes, you win."

"Yay" He says, getting up and doing a little spin like a child who was able to negotiate bedtime with their parents. She can't help but smile at his shenanigans.

Next, he does an extremely exaggerated bow and continues. "After you, my queen."

At that, she fully laughs, takes his hand and goes down the pathway with him. She hates being vulnerable, but with him, it isn't that bad. How do we take the armour off? A piece at a time. She feels like they just took another one.

-‐----------------‐-----------------‐----------------‐----------------

So, I had this idea since I finished Queen of Nothing and since I didn't see any fic like this I decided to make it myself. The characters may be a bit OOC, I'm not tha familiar with them. I am not a writer and my first language is not English, so apologies for any mistake. 🫶

Btw this was way bigger than I thought, no idea how many words, but damn, I'm having a brain riot.

35 notes · View notes

queen-of-scissors · 2 years

Note

I need more of that content i wonder how will they react with minecraft or fucking roblox because roblox has a LOT of games

AWW yeaaa more ideas timmeee

Also you didnt specify if you want a cult au but i kinda did it like that. Sorry

ROBLOX

Roblox is basicly an another excuse to use "the creator of thousand worlds butt

İf you tell them it has alot of other worlds in it, you're gonna be the...

GOD OF MULTİVERSE

Now for me, i only use roblox for Tycoon or horror games, Tycoon games just fits the Vibe as a creator of tevat

But horror? Oh boy..

Now we know that hu tao is gonna be so impressed by the spooky stuff you show (prolly exept gore but yea) and she is gonna be the one that gives you the title;

GOD OF HYPERDEATH (no wdym its an undertale reffrence?)

İ remember seeing a game in roblox that were about surviving a super caotic natural dissasters. İf you play those types of survival games first of all, your followers gonna cry.

"oh how much pain have one went through!"

Especially archons are gonna be all over you if you play the natural disaster one,

"BAAL STOP USİNG THUNDER YOU'RE SCARİNG YOUR GRACE!!"

"İ AM SCARİNG THEM??? YOU ARE THE ONE THAT MADE HURRİCANES!!!"

meanwhile you're like: "i didn't survive anything-"

But your acolytes only get sadder because "you were so traumatised that you dont remember???"

Ninguang asks you to give normal people a lesson on how to survive a natural dissaster. Especially to those that dont have a vision.

But??? Acid rains aren't realy possible??

Anyways now you're the:

THE LAST AVATAR (your choice of words)

MİNECRAFT

Oh boy a tricky one

İt all based on how you explain minecraft.

"its a survival game about surviving the wild but there are monsters that come out at night"

Ah yes, another survival game, you seem to like that as a form of sport! Dont be suprised if you see some of your acolytes actually going for extreme survival sport to honour your name (childe, xiao, maybe zhongli, Cyno etc.).

They won't make it a secret oh no no, they want you to be the judge of who can survive the longest (before you pit an end to the competition).

Cyno found your job a perfect name even!

MAAT, GOD OF JUDGMENT (i legit looked through mythology for this lmao)

"its a survival game but everything is a cube"

Hehe venti is gonna call you a "blockhead" but before he can even say it he gets silenced by zhongli.

But you say that for him, loud and proud!

People are too afraid to use that as one of your titles, and if you say its fine, theyre gonna see it as you're testing them. But you and venti found another way to use this funny nickname;

Behold!! The

Rock.

(hehehe rock)

"its actually a survival game but you can create whatever you want in it, so-"

"wait a minute, did you say... Creation?"

Wrong choice of words got you in this one. Theres no going back.

Now people belive that you use that world so you can do a quick plan of what you are going to do in other worlds. That world must be SUPER important to you, And since Tevat and that world are actually kind of (not) alike, that also means that you also like this world other than the rest!!

Oh if they knew...

İf they knew what you did to all those poor villagers... And even sheeps (i see you and im calling the cops)...

"did you know that in that world, you only need to feed people to get them pregnant?"(not realy but its fun to leave some detailes to imagination :P)

W h a t.

They hope that that world isnt where you are from originally. BECAUSE YOU'D GOT SOME EXPLAİNİN TO DOO- zhongli would be on watchlist istg

Anyways you're the VİLLAGE TAMER now

-------------------

Hope you like it, i used every bit of my English knowledge and last 2 braincells for this.

But it was fun! İm open to more ideas! (İ can only do the games i know/played so sorry if you do request but couldnt answer 🙏)

#genshin sagau #sagau #sagau brainrot #sagau x reader #self aware genshin #genshin x you #genshin isekai #minecraft #roblox #genshin x reader #genshin impact sagau

573 notes · View notes

leofiat-bunny · 8 months

Text

After The Scene™

Then

Chen Yi woke up, stumbled through getting dressed, and - when he couldn't find Ai Di - checked his phone. Then he sees the text from the night before. He sends his guys out searching for Ai Di while he goes to hq to speak to Boss about BZY.

When Boss tells him what happened - a bit exasperated but not surprised that Ai Di didn't let him know - he doesn't yell at Boss mostly because he's frozen. He's stuck trying to process "Ai Di will be in prison for as long as BZY is, which will be some years".

Since then he's been more uptight than ever about never setting a foot wrong. When he messes up THIS is what happens. He's legit traumatised by it.

(As said elsewhere, it's no small miracle Chen Yi didn't give himself alcohol poisoning after losing Ai Di.)

If someone else went over his head to leave the gang he'd be annoyed but accept it.

But Ai Di can't go over his head because Ai Di doesn't belong to the gang, he belongs to Chen Yi.

Now

Chen Yi doesn't understand why he's being avoided because "Ai Di thinks I hate him" requires "Chen Yi hating Ai Di" to be a concept that computes and he'd have an easier time dividing by zero.

Chen Yi has long accepted that if Ai Di kills someone, that's on Chen Yi for not being there to stop him.

Of course "killing someone" and "betraying Chen Yi" are very different propects.

As for the betrayal of taking advantage of his drunken state, I don't think Chen Yi will process it like a normal person would. He was raised in a gang. It would be more strange if his moral compass wasn't a bit wonky.

Yes, he could process it by switching their places but I'm not sure he'd really allow it to rest with him?

Almost: if my pet bites me, that's bad; if I bite my pet, that's unforgivable?

(He doesn't think of Ai Di as sub-human or stupid, that was just the best simile that occured to me)

Even if he really allowed it to sit with him, by far the greatest betrayal was leaving.

Meanwhile

Ai Di will do anything to avoid hearing Chen Yi say "I hate you". He knows😒 it but he can't take hearing it.

Except Chen Yi came for him, brought him back, prepared his favourite foods. Ai Di doesn't know what's going on but he does know that hope has no place here.

He's unforgivable and maybe Chen Yi wants to hear Ai Di's excuses before passing judgement, maybe he's been telling himself that Ai Di would never have done that to him.

Ai Di can't stay for the realisation.

He has no place by Chen Yi's side and never will again and he deserves whatever Chen Yi does to him but he can't.

Ai Di is collarless and will remain that way until he's ready to stop running.

Soon

Are we recovered from ep 9? No? Shame, I wanted to break you again.

Well, I have (spoilery) ammunition, so I'll give it my best shot.

I trawled their youtube channels for clues and!!!

(Partially ninja'd because I am a slow bunny)

Next ep

Better pic of outfits for colour convo:

And then

Chen Yi has a tried and tested way of getting Ai Di to come back.

And it still works. Quelle surprise.

Until

Remember what I said about collars? I thought that before finding this and I just lost it.

Give the wardrobe department a raise. And a bonus. And shares. And a prize.

But what is he trying to pinky promise?

"Even if you die tomorrow, you must wait for me to die first. Only then can you die."

"One second. I will give you just one second, then I'll follow."

(I transcribed the subs: 就算你快掛也要等我先掛你才能掛

一秒只讓你一秒我隨後跟上

According to google translate:

Even if you die quickly You have to wait for me to hang up first Only then can you hang up

One second Just give you a second I followed later

Then I tidied it up a bit, hopefully without moving away from the meaning

I found an official sub where they translate it as

"Promise me that you won't die before I do" "One second, Then I'll follow up right away"

Bonus point? Guess which outfits are in the cover image:

They got to privacy but not home 😊)

#kiseki: dear to me #chen yi x ai di

117 notes · View notes

snailsdraw · 1 year

Text

[Start ID: 6 pages of HLVRAI narrative doodles about the Science Team's first meeting with the Spore Launcher.

Bubby waves Gordon over to a small lift enthusiastically: "Gordon, come look at what I found! Right this way." Gordon, however, is wary: "I dunno, man. Should I even be trusting you to lead me places? You remember what happened the, uh, buh- the last time, so sue me for having a hard time believing it's safe up there." Bubby gives him a tired look: "Gordon, I've long put that behind me-" "YOU???" Gordon cuts in incredulously, "YOU'VE put-" Bubby ignores him and continues: "And- Yes! I would like if we could get going now."

But they do not get going, because Gordon is now mad. The lift makes its way up without them. "Look, buddy," Gordon starts, trying to keep him volume under control, "I don't know if you think this is some sorts bit? Or me being uncooperative- I am GENUINELY traumatised by what you did. And Benrey. Can't forget him. The fuckin' TWO of you can-" But Bubby isn't having it, and dismissively he says: "Yes, and I apologised. I didn't expect that to happen, you know. I did tell you that." The lift comes back down with a surprised Darnold. "Oh! You guys made it," Darnold says as the lift comes to a halt. Bubby's face brightens as he sees him, and he points out the thing held in Darnold's arms: "Oh good, it's that thing I wanted to show you!" All eyes follow Bubby's finger down the purring lungfish-like alien in Darnold's hands. Gordon is horrified: "What the- what the hell is THAT?? Should we REALLY be touching the weird alien creature- killing machines- in this place- Come on, you guys…"

"Well, y'see, Dr Freeman," Darnold begins matter-of-factly, "those creatures were- y'see, they weren't in tubes. Un-tubed creatures, now they're the ones you gotta look out for. But this one is fine. I should know. I made the potion in the tube I found her in!" Gordons squints at him: "What the hell is he saying?" Bubby's mouth hangs slightly agape. He does not answer. Darnold continues, undeterred: "I recognised it immediately from how I, uh, blacked out for 2 minutes after tasting it." "You WHAT?!!" Gordon yells. Bubby regains his voice. Something Darnold had said about making potions for tubes had left him uneasy. "Darnold, did you aid in my creation?" he asks in a small voice, too quiet to hear over Gordon's volume. "WHY WOULD YOU- You're supposed to-" Gordon stumbles over his words, perplexed by Darnold's actions, "Weren't you, like, terrified of dying just a minute ago- WHY would you drink something you didn't even RECOGNISE??!" "Look-" Darnold tries to interject, but Gordon presses on. "YOU COULD'A DIED, MAN!!" Sensing that Gordon is finally done, Darnold sighs: "Look, I understand your concerns, Dr Freeman, but what IS a scientist if not someone who observes and makes sense of his surroundings?"

Gordon pinches his nosebridge and screws his eyes tight shut: "I dunno…Alive? Usually?" "I do this for a living, you know?" Darnold counters. Bubby folds his arms, unimpressed: "That's no attitude for a scientist, Gordon. How do you think we got so famous as a research facility?" Gordon groans: "From all the shit that's going on now, for sure. The media's gonna run with this for weeks-" He cuts himself off with an exhausted sigh: "I'm done with this conversation." Gordon pulls his hand from his face and gestures to the alien creature in Darnold's arms: "What's, uh, what's that thing you found there, bud? You know it's not dangerous. What else d'you got? Know?" Darnold's eyes wander upwards in thought, stroking the creature absentmindedly: "Well…she didn't try to take my head off when she saw me, that's one. There were two others in the intact tubes nearby. Hers was broken."

As the creature begins to purr under his hand, Darnold smiles slightly: "Oh! And that she seems to enjoy being pet…which was quite surprising." "I couldn't find any written information on their species," he continues, "so I've elected to call them the, uh…Gubbs…after the sound they make." "The Gubbs," Gordon repeats, unsure, "Right, okay-" Bubby raises an accusing eyebrow at Darnold: "That's not what we agreed on." He raises an intelligent finger, recounting: "I remember clearly stating that they looked like mini Hubble Telescopes, and that we named them "Hubbs"." Darnold frowns at him: "I- no, you- I recall no exchange of that nature, Dr Bubby." Overlapping him, but quieter, Gordon mutters: "The Hubb- I mean, I guess? Kinda? But-" Bubby jumps back in to correct Darnold: "Of course, you do! It's much like the James Webb Telescope you kids are more familiar with these days." Gordon freezes.

"Gh- The-" Gordon stutters, and it takes him a moment to find his words, "J-James Webb." Bubby begins to say "Yes", but shuts his mouth right before the word leaves. "James Webb," Gordon continues, shaken, "I'm not trippin', right? He said that. James-" "…yeah, I, uh…" Darnold says, equally at a loss, "…I don't know what that is." Gordon points at Bubby: "How do you know what that is, it's not even-" his voice drops into a harsh whisper, "It doesn't even exist yet??" Gordon sucks in a breath. "Bubby," he tries again, carefully "How do you know what that is?" The old man is silent for a long beat. "Hello, Gordon," Bubby says. The defult NPC dialogue line catches Gordon off guard so hard he wheezes in surprised laughter. "You can't just-" Gordon wheezes for breath. "That's Dr Coomer's line-" As if on cue, the stout elderly scientist appears by Bubby's side. "HELLO, GORDON!" Dr Coomer greets chipperly. Gordon heaves a heavy sigh: "Hello, Dr Coomer…" "Hello, Dr Coomer!" Bubby beams.

End ID.]

Previous parts found here: [Part 1.] [Part 2.]

#ohhh the classic collapsing of time into a singular now. what are they putting in the clocks these days? /j #hlvrai #hlvrai darnold #hlvrai gordon #hlvrai bubby #snail's art #id

275 notes · View notes

feralforfrank · 2 years

Text

LOVE CONFESSIONS IN THE DARK.

BRADLEY "ROOSTER" BRADSHAW X FEM!READER

summary you've been tasked to grab your clean clothes from the laundry room during a storm. little do you know, a certain someone has a similar task.

cw ANGST, but it's the last time. FLUFF. kind of bad writing. storms, thunder, the dark. feelings!!! miscommunication fr, definitely not how the navy operates, but idc. NON-DESCRPTIVE READER. TELL ME IF I MISSED ANYTHING.

a/n THE LONG AWAITED LAST PT3 IS HEREEEE. im feeling kind of...weird about the ending. i like it, but i dont love it. i hope you peeps enjoy it, though!! sorry for taking so long to write and post it :/

masterlist | taglist

Sunday noon came around quicker than you wanted it. You'd slept until eleven and elected to stay in bed until it was time to eat. When that time came, you ate Penny's homemade burritos that Nix had sneaked in without the boys seeing.

The two of you ate in your bed and then laid back down. Phoenix was literally on top of you, her hands supporting her head. If Hangman were to walk in now, he'd never let her live this down. Badass Nix with messy bed hair, practically cuddling her heartbroken friend. It was a rare sight.

"I'm exhausted, Nix. I wish I'd never opened my goddamn mouth." You sighed, rubbing your temples.

You were tired. After your confession, you raced back here, flopped under the covers and cried, much like the night before. You wanted to take everything back—every word, movement and facial expression. Rooster hated you, and that was the only way you could get close to him—the hatred—but now you've shattered that wall.

He doesn't like me. I ruined whatever connection we had. Fuck that stupid mouth of mine. Why did I have to react so poorly both times? He's not mine. I want him to be mine. No. Yes. Fucking hell, this headache. Can't we go back to normal—our normal? That has been your train of thoughts for God knows how long, and it was seriously tiring you out.

"Everything will work out for you. Rooster is full of surprises," Phoenix responded reassuringly.

You looked at her weirdly. "What kind of fucking riddle is that? Have you lost your mind?"

She just laughed, sitting up. "Shut up. I know what I'm saying."

You were about to reply when the screech of the bunkroom door caught your attention. "Oh my God!" Fanboy shouted, closing the door again. "Am I interrupting something?"

You snorted. "Have you never heard of knocking?" You yelled back.

"What are you doing on top of each other, man?" He sounded traumatised. You giggled.

"None of your business!"

"Whatever, man. I came in to tell you it's going to storm real hard soon. Prepare for a blackout."

"Okay, thanks!" You hear the shuffling of feet moving away from your door and groan.

Phoenix makes a move to stand up. As if she knows what you're thinking, she speaks up. "I'm not going."

"Oh, please, Nix! You know how much I hate it down there! Especially if it's storming out," you whine but to no avail.

"You're in the Navy, for Christ's sake. And it's a quick job. Go in, grab the clothes, and come back. I already put them in the dryer. You only have to fetch them."

You groan but get up as well, blindly searching for your phone and earbuds. If you were going in that dark, scary laundry room, you'd at least do it your way. And who's a better companion than Taylor Swift?

—

It was early in the evening when all lights shut off. The heater in your room stopped groaning, and you concluded that the expected blackout was happening now. Nix was sleeping in her bunk above you, and you sighed. You'd put off going to the laundry room in hopes of Natasha changing her mind, but there was no way you were getting out of it now.

You really didn't want to face Bradshaw, and there was a big chance you would in the hallways. Unfortunately for you, no one has invented time travel yet, so you're destined to bump into him at some point. You work together, for fuck's sake. It's impossible to ignore him forever.

So, you gather yourself, put a hoodie over your t-shirt with the nearest civilian shoes, and plug your earphones before pressing play on Taylor Swift and blindly find the door. The backup generator is up and running, for the hallway lights are on.

A few people are conversing and leaning on their bedroom doors. Some greet you with a nod and a smile, and you shoot them one back, ducking your head so as not to be spotted by your friends—who are likely hanging out with Rooster.

You arrive at the laundry room and immediately get to work. There's no one else in here, and it's cold. You feel like a child, shivering in fear as if a ghost will pop up from a corner. The music is blasting, and you're grateful, for the eeriness of this place makes you jumpy. Fuck, it's so dark.

Unbeknownst to you, Bradley was also on laundry duty. He'd put it off as much as he could, even paying Hangman to do it once. He hated the silence in that freezing room and how far away it was from everyone.

So, here he was, trying to walk as quietly as possible; so no admiral ghosts pop up to scare him. Lucky for him, he only had to put them in the bin, press a few buttons and be out of there in seconds.

He's startled when he sees you. Well, he spots your back, but he knows it's you. The unmistakable Taylor Swift tune reaches his ears. Bradley leans against the doorframe, watching as you bop your head and slightly move your hips while you hum the lyrics.

He chuckles. Your undying love for the singer was the cause for your callsign, although not many people knew that. You made up a story about how quick you're in the air—that's why people call you that. But he knows.

And he loves his knowledge over that little detail about you because it's so significant. Bradley loves memorising things about you—from how you struggle to french braid your hair to how you like Heineken beer more than Corona because you don't like the stupid connection it has to Fast and Furious.

I miss you. The words are on the tip of Rooster's lips, but he doesn't dare say them. He wanted to give you space and time to rethink your words because—surprise, surprise—he's been in love with you for God-knows-how long. And he wants you to love him back, truly, but he doesn't want to freak you out. So, he'll gladly settle with watching you dance to Taylor while trying to hide the fond smile taking over his features.

A loud crack of thunder startles the both of you. The place goes completely black. Bradley moves off the doorframe, but you drop the half-filled basket with a gasp. A soft fuck escapes your lips, and Bradley decides to close the distance between you and help.

His hands look for your waist, wanting to help you up. He hadn't thought about how isolated you were from the world. You don't have time to move away from the hands circling around you, and a yelp escapes your lips when you hit something solid. One earbud falls off in the process.

You fight to move away and swat the person—God, please let it be a person and not an actual fucking ghost—with a shirt. You cry for it to get away, but the arms find your waist again while the person hushes you.

Bradley. It's Bradley. He's holding you tightly, shushing you, and you gulp deep breaths, trying to calm down. Your heart beat fast from what has happened, and because holy shit, Bradley Bradshaw is holding you.

You have to move away—your skin is on fucking fire. So much for ignoring him.

You push him, turning on your phone's torch. "What the fuck, Bradshaw? I almost had a heart attack." You hit him with the shirt you're still holding.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I was here to do my laundry, but the lights went out." He leaves out the part where he watched you dance. "I heard your basket fall, and I wanted to help."

And suddenly, oxygen is no longer making its way to your lungs, and your whole body is tense. Bradley is right here, in front of you, staring at you with his hands on his hips. And he also knows how you really feel about him. He has to go now.

"You, uh, you can go do your thing," you stutter, pushing your hair out of your face, your eyes never finding his. "I'll finish this on my own."

"No." It's nothing but a statement. "I'm not leaving you all alone down here."

Your heart warms, and the corner of your mouth lifts oh-so-slightly.

"Aren't you doing your laundry?"

"Fuck that. I'll do it tomorrow."

"Alright." You get back to picking your clothes out of the bin.

The silence between you lies somewhere between tense and comfortable. You feel at ease with Rooster here, knowing that no harm will come to you before him, but you can't help but feel awkward since he knows about your feelings now. The lights turn back on, and you have to make your blush disappear before he notices.

You ignore how your stomach turns—butterflies and anxiety—and close the washing machine bin's door when you finish. Well, you at least try to. The door won't latch, making you look like an idiot pushing the washing machine for no reason.

"Here, let me help." Oh my fucking God.

Rooster is hovering above you now, his hand replacing yours. He pushes the machine's door hard, and you hear the satisfying click.

You can feel his breath down your shoulder, but you try not to tense. Your head spins to him involuntarily, and your eyes meet his. Your eyes fall from his eyes to his lips, and he does the same. Oh my God. Does he want to kiss you?

Your question is answered three long seconds later by him crushing his soft lips onto yours. It's like how all those novels and poets describe it. Instant fireworks. Your body tingles, and your heart pounds so hard that you think it'll rip off your chest. His hand encircles your waist, and you tighten your hold around a random shirt.

He's doing this out of pity. And just like that, the dream you've had for God knows how long is shattered by your own thoughts. You have to pull away.

"W-We can't do this, Rooster."

Your eyes meet his as you touch your lips. They're tingling, scratch that, your whole body feels like it's been electrocuted. He looks hurt and confused as he pants a few feet away from you.

"Why?" It sounds so sad.

"B-Because you don't like me, Rooster. I know you hate me, but I don't want something I've dreamed of for so long to get destroyed because of your silly antics." You sound even sadder.

"Is that what you think?"

"It's not a thought, Bradshaw. I know it. I've seen it with my own eyes." Tears have gathered in your eyes. Fuck, those mood swings.

Bradley exhales deeply. "I don't hate you, Swift. Never in my life have I felt what I feel when I'm around you. I feel all hot and tingly when you walk past me. My cheeks burn like a kid when your comments involve my love life, because deep down, I want you to be the protagonist of my fantasies, not some random girl I met at the Hard Deck.

Your jokes and your talent, your wit and your beauty—I love them. Your charm and ability to persuade everyone into doing chores for you are my favourite. I love listening to you talk, sarcastically or not, because you always have something to say.

Do you know how many times I've eavesdropped on you and Phoenix so I could learn more about you? I know about your hatred for Fast and Furious movies, your obvious Taylor Swift adoration, and the one time you got hammered and thought you were talking to her.

I love knowing all those details about you, and it's not because I can use them against you. They're what make you...well, you! You're nothing like the girls I've met in my life. You're extraordinary, and I..."

He hesitates.

"Is this...Did Natasha put you up to this? I swear I don't want your pity and fake love confessions, Bradley. You don't have to pretend to be in love with me—"

"But I am! I am madly in love with you. The kind of love that is so dangerous and—and so crushing. I want to be with you every second of the day, annoy you, and make you smile. It's all I've ever wanted for years now."

Your eyes are wide and glossy, eyebrows raised in shock and confusion, and so many emotions.

"I love you, Swift," he confirms.

"Prove it." Your words are merely a whisper.

Despite the hard rain and thundering outside, your voice is the only melody in Bradley's ears. And he doesn't hesitate. He crushes his lips against yours again, this time with hunger, passion, frustration and love. You kiss back with just as much force, but before you know it, you're pulling back, gasping for breath.

Bradley's hands are cupping your cheeks, and his forehead is touching yours. Your breaths mingle as you stare up at him. Your fingers grip his shirt tightly.

"Is that enough proof for you?" He whispers.

You lightly shrug. "I still haven't forgiven you for almost calling me a slut." That's a lie—you have. You forgave him as soon as your head hit the pillow yesterday. He didn't mean it.

He sighs a long, sad sigh. "Please, let me make it up to you. I was a—a jerk. A complete and utter idiot. I don't deserve your love, but please, I need it. Give me a chance to prove how much I love you." Your heart clenches, and a smile tugs at your lips.

"You can make it up to me as long as you want, Bradley Bradshaw."

He smiles back, and you think; this is it. This is heaven on earth. Bradley Bradshaw—the man you've longed for so long—smiling at you with nothing but adoration. You're heart feels light and free.

You don't want the moment to end.

previous | next

—

[ taglist: @roosterschanelslut @mak-32 @maverick-wingman @amnmich @mattyskies @wildcole @gretagerwigsmuse @bespinnn @collaps3r @oikawasblueearbud @rip--tide @barryswifey @fanboyluvr @spookys-girl @lonelywitchv2 @j-deimos @heywheresemily @avengersfan25 @piceous21 @sarahjoestewy-blog @n3ssm0nique @mouseymagines @xx-kate-xx13 @vaporub4ever @reading-rosa @marie1115 @dxvanadeline @plaboneruda @awesomebooklover17 @darling-seraphina @kenobiow @tw1l1ghtlvr @desert-fern @melody-death @studentville-struggles @bordelhoe @this-is-a-bad-idea @giuliamunson @graysondanvers @danielmarie @kwanimations @erinnn-brry @mvnsons-slvt @wrathspoet @eberles @shatfairy @alexxavicry @oksloan3 @messers-marauders-prongs @marvelsimps ]

1K notes · View notes

doodlegirl1998 · 1 year

Note

I don't get the hate all might recieves from this fickle fandom while Aizawa gets praised over the moon.

Yes All might have told izuku to give up first but I don't see anything wrong now or even when I first watched season 1. The man has more experience and has already seen his fair share of cruelty over the years. He knows the difficulty of being a Hero with a quirk and even with all of that power, It took him losing his stomach to beat AFO. All might was being realistic here. He didn't want to be reckless & give false hope or encouragement here. Also he didn't laugh or outright tell him to quit. He told izuku who had no power to try other ways to become a Hero which was being a policeman.

2nd what did izuku do before meeting all might?. Absolutely nothing. On top of being quirkless He didn't have a strong physique to back it up. Sure he wrote analysis on quirks, heroes and villains but that's not gonna help in the longer run. All Might wouldn't know what Izuku would've gone through in life till this point. He doesn't know izuku was suicide baited. I'm not bashing Izuku but trying to see this from AM's side as well. Maybe he could've seen Izuku's behaviour to determine that the kid was abused but then again the man was also in a hurry and probably wasn't in the right frame of mind after displaying his long kept secret to a middle school kid.

Still All Might fckin apologized for his earlier comments and approved Izuku. He helped izuku get in shape, and gave his quirk. Encouraged him time and time again positively.

Wtf did Aizawa do? Ridiculed Midoriya infront of everyone. Never apologized. Never once supported him and always put izuku's abuser on a pedestal. Heck izuku should've been in top 10 in the apprehension test. He had better physical stats than Denki, Jiro, uraraka ( yeah she wasn't OP with her quirk during that time and had a lot of stamina issues), Koji, Mineta, Toru, Ashido to name some. Are we sure Aizawa didn't rig the exam?. Narrative protected that POS. Never once encouraged Izuku, never helped him when he was struggling with his quirk. Never even bothered to train his students in quirkless combat but went out of his way to tutor Shinso. His only good points are being a good hero and a good gaurdian for Eri but that ain't enough for getting this much praise. He knew Iida was going after Stain but didn't do anything.

All Might has flaws being a teacher but he at least tries his best to help Izuku with his problems and always been there for him. He encouraged his students every time. Trains them and has always been there for them unlike a certain someone.

All of All Might's good points outweigh Aizawa's by a higher margin.

End of my rant, i just see this as too unfair how fanfics bash All might for no fuckin reason while it coddles Aizawa. Especially the Dekuverse fics. Heck Hori himself treats All Might like shit in canon. The Izuku solo arc is a good proof.

All Might deserved better both in Canon and in Fanon.

Hi @bakutrash 👋,

I get it in the sense that the fandom follows suit of what the story itself is doing - AM gets critiqued more than Aizawa by the narrative (since Aizawa is Hori's favoured mouthpiece) and the fandom follows suit.

Dadzawa as a trope is also largely wish fulfilment. The wish to see 1A as a family and the wish to see Aizawa as the 'stern mentor/ father figure with a heart of gold' archetype. When Aizawa is not this - especially not to Izuku.

If anything All Might is Izuku's key mentor / father figure in the story. He made his mistakes in regard to Izuku but made up for them and apologised. AM also does his best to learn how to be a teacher and be supportive to Izuku and take care of him. Aizawa never does and Hori parades all of his actions as logical so the fandom (at large) doesn't critique him for them.

All Might is traumatised but Hori rarely focuses on it (unlike Aizawa's trauma), so it gives him less sympathy and exploration from it by the fans.

All Might fought a battle only his power in OFA could win. It was quirkless Izuku acting to save Bakugou that made All Might aware that Izuku had potential and that he shouldn't have been so hasty to judge him. All Might also didn't know Izuku took to analysis and suggested alternatives to heroics he felt more suited to a quirkless person.

Adding to this, All Might also began Quirkless himself so it's unlikely he would actually hold extreme Quirkist views like I've seen in some bashing fics (actually looking at Canon Aizawa displays more quirkest attitudes than All Might*.)

Yet the majority of the fandom focuses on All Might's intial refusal of Izuku's dreams and scapegoat him for Izuku's lack of self worth. - The narrative does this too, disgustingly through Bakugou's mouth, not acknowledging once that Bakugou and poor Teachers to Izuku (like Aizawa) are the cause of it.

Did Aizawa rig the exam? I think (and a lot of others critical of Aizawa) think he did. As you rightly pointed out Izuku should have been higher in the quirk apprehension test than he did (especially since he trained religiously and followed a training plan made by the Number One hero for months!)

Unironically, Aizawa at the beginning of the story seemed to dislike Midoriya, and consistently he has favoured Bakugou over him (more on this point later.)

He also viewed Bakugou's bullying as a "rivalry."

Why is this?

Other than the actual reason - Aizawa is Hori's Mouthpiece and therefore have him be Bkg's biggest simp to try to make us like him - there are two options.

1) Aizawa is either not as observant as he thinks he is (supported by him falling asleep all the time - so obviously by doing this he would miss things.) 2) OR Aizawa is malicious and thinks Midoriya needs to toughen up and deal with his bully like he did.

Neither of these options make Aizawa look particularly good. But 1) has room for growth and 2) does not.

Where is the logic in the Quirk Apprehension test? It favours those quirks that Aizawa claims he dislikes that the entrance exam favours - those flashy and combattive quirks such as the ones that belong to Bakugou, Todoroki and Yaoyorozo.

Additionally, singling out Izuku like that, on the first day would be realistically massively damaging to a student and to the classes morale overall.

Would you be comfortable with a 'third parent' (as these homeroom teachers are meant to be) or a teacher in general who does that to a classmate or to you the second they show they need some help? I wouldn't be...

Where is the logic in favouring Bakugou (who essentially a worse version of Aizawa's bully at U.A - Sensoji) or Shinsou who didn't work for his dream of Heroism and only attempted to skate in on his powerful quirk? These should both be characters that Aizawa (from what we are narratively told about him) dislike. Yet Hori does not allow this to occur as Aizawa is Hori's favoured mouthpiece and Hori wants him to have a mini me in Shinsou.

*- There appears to be a degree of quirkism ironically at play here. Bakugou is favoured because he is confident and has a quirk that is "perfect for heroics".

Whereas Shinsou is favoured because Aizawa sees someone like himself. The other students - Aizawa isn't shown to care all that much (aside from the additional to the story artworks.)

And as for Eri, Aizawa seems to care for her but honestly we don't see her nearly enough to judge whether he's actually a good guardian. There's also the fact of Aizawa seeming to struggle to take care of himself and how he treats his students so realistically, would he be a good guardian to her?

In universe, in spite of all logic, Aizawa has apparently been teaching as 'hardass ExpellZawa' for years without consequence - against himself or UA as an institution .

And Aizawa has never once reflected on the long term damage that all of his trauma response methods would do on all his students - not just the ones he expelled.

Hori never even had Aizawa question himself at any point - because the fact that he's Hori's mouthpiece means Aizawa is never meant to be wrong so he never believes himself to be. That stunts him as a character.

Even the revelation of Kurogiri as KurOboro didn't make him do this.

Aizawa, as he is in canon, is heavily traumatised, too set in his ways and too much of a mouthpiece for Hori. Hori also either doesn't see the point of or the interest in having Aizawa grow from his mistakes and heal from his trauma - which is a shame.

Whereas All Might, as he is in canon, is also heavily traumatised, has been crapped all over by Hori but is shown to do his best in learning and growing from his mistakes - both as a teacher and mentor to Izuku.

Final thoughts:

Sorry I responded with a rant of my own!

Personally, I find Dadzawa fine in a fic, as long as it has DadMight too OR has Aizawa make up for his mistakes to the class and grow as a mentor.

However, as time has gone on and I've got more into MHA, I find it really irritates me to see a fic bash All Might. Especially using Aizawa to do so, when in canon Aizawa has done much worse as a teacher - especially to Izuku and his past classes.

I stand by the opinion that although Canon!Aizawa may care for Class 1A as he currently acts - he should not be a homeroom teacher or have his trauma responses be praised as 'logical teaching.'

#anti bakugou katsuki #anti bakugou #Anti Aizawa Shota #mha critical #Aizawa Shota critical #Bnha critical #Aizawa critical #Shinsou Hitoshi critical #Give expellzawa a therapy and recovery arc #He should not be a teacher as he is #But he deserves to heal from his trauma

81 notes · View notes

collectionoftulips · 6 months

Text

So I was rereading The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (still working my way through the reread) and I went with a friend to see the new movie and here are some thoughts on Lucy Gray and Snow and all that stuff, in case anyone is interested, particularly the differences made between the book and the movie.

The first thing that stood out to me was the difference between (from what I could tell) book!Lucy Gray and movie!Lucy Gray. In the book, I think that Lucy Gray is much more of an ambiguous character compared to how she was in the movie (I wonder if it was to help make the main message of the film clearer (in classic 'beat you over the head with the metaphor' Hollywood fashion)). There is so much emphasis placed in the beginning of the book on how Lucy Gray adjusts her appearance, how she makes sure that she looks as good as she can - a tendency that is clearer in the book when she and Snow more overtly also strategise what she should sing when she's on television. The book makes it clear that they have had discussions about what she might or might not perform to get as many sponsors as possible before the event and he is surprised when she ends up singing something other than what they had discussed. To me, it felt like that the book spent more time showing us how similar they are to each other by showing how they manipulate people through impression management. Lucy Gray in the books is okay with singing for strategy, while in the movie, she insists on maintaining some sort of 'authenticity' by only singing when she is inspired to do so.

Something to acknowledge, of course, is that Snow is a character who fundamentally trusts no one. He is aware of Lucy Gray's tendencies and perhaps they are overemphasised to us as the reader because in the book we spend so much time in his head. Perhaps the ambiguity around Lucy Gray is merely a reflection of Snow's suspiciousness, but I like to think that she is similar to Snow in that she knows that there is power to being likeable to the right people and sometimes that's the only card you can play when the odds are stacked against you (Snow's sense of being wronged is obviously much more a product of his own delusion, while Lucy Gray's is much more real). It might be counter-intuitive, but I think having Lucy Gray and Snow be more similar on that level would make the deeper themes of the movie clearer: discussions of 'human nature' is fairly reductive and people have the capacity of both good and evil, sometimes at once, and if you assume the worst in people on your quest to power, you will probably draw that out but also that's how you become a ruthless dictator.

The fundamental difference between Lucy Gray and Snow in the end is that Lucy Gray believes in the good in people, and Snow does not.

So why am I going on about this? Well, partly because these thoughts have been floating around in my head, but also in terms of the romance aspect of the film, I thought it might have some potentially interesting implications. Mainly, do I think that the romance between Lucy Gray and Snow was genuine? Yes and no.

Yes in the sense that they did have a connection and whatnot, but also no for a few reasons. Firstly, because I think one of the main aspects of why Snow becomes attracted to Lucy Gray is because his vanity is flattered. He likes the idea that this now immensely popular girl likes him, that he managed to win her over, that despite that he's Capitol and part of the Games, she trusts him. He likes the idea of the romance, once he gets to District 12 (I'm not there at the rereading yet though) it's not like that he has a lot else to do, and it would make sense for him to try carve something out with Lucy as a backup as it looks like his future in the Capitol for all intents and purposes is toast.

Secondly, I think Lucy Gray is genuinely intrigued and attracted to Snow. But she's also someone who was deeply betrayed with the Reaping, deeply traumatised, and still reeling from the breakup that caused her to be in the Games. Then this handsome, charming man shows up who seems to care for her and goes above and beyond expectations as her mentor. At the start, she is very aware of the fact that he's Capitol is in the back of her mind. She also knows that she needs to keep him on side while she is in the Games (as she clearly sees that he's more invested than 99% of other mentors and she is gaining advantages from that investment that other tributes could only dream of). But over time, he demonstrates that he wants her to survive and he helps her out. When he then shows up in 12, she is surprised and she never expected to see him again. But he seemed to be a good person from everything he did for her in the Games (some of it she could barely guess at), and she's now basically forced to live in the same district as her ex and the girl who made her compete in the Games. He shows up, seemingly offering this fairytale and she happily goes along with it - after all, she likes him well enough. But she also has very little sense of who he actually is and she's (probably) still hurting a bit too much from her previous relationship for it to be a relationship where she is truly and deeply in love.

And then when she realises that he set up his seemingly only friend to be killed, she realised that her dream prince is actually not the kind of man she thought that he was, and that everyone is expendable to him. She is the apple of his eye at the moment, but eventually the shiny romance of it all will fade, so the best thing to do was to escape.

I don't know, maybe I just like the idea that Lucy Gray and Snow were people who had potential and that they were essentially two people who the world had broken in two, clinging to each other, and if it wasn't for Snow's narcissism and ruthlessness, if he had essentially been a better person, they could have really had something.

#the ballad of songbirds and snakes #lucy gray baird #lucy gray x coriolanus #coriolanus snow

32 notes · View notes