#yes i am including everyone who exists irl in that.
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cabin pressure is so wonderful because you just have to accept at some point that everyone at their core is just an absolute fucking loser. except for carolyn knapp shappey.
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just an update?
Hello my maggots, Asmi here. I'm really sorry that I haven't replied to a lot of the stuff I've been tagged in/reblogs/DMs, it has been a... chaotic two days. I promise I'll get to them soon, as soon as my mind calms down a bit (to its ordinary level of chaos, I mean).
In an update on the 10khaos, for those who haven't heard, my hair is indeed now Crowley red, the Discord server is made (and currently broiling in utter madness, the Youtube channel has also been made and I have an idea for the first video, and I will soon set forth and adopt the Crowley, Aziraphale and Adam plants.
So as for the irl mind stuff, it's basically that the red hair brought up the question of whether or not I'd be able to go through with college, design school starts in May-ish.
(um mild tw for bullying and a mention of transphobia, skip the next two paragraphs if that is a trigger for you)
I've been in college before, that was design too, for three months. And I had to drop out because I was being isolated and bullied by everyone there including the dean, as well as a lot of transphobia and discrimination on the basis of mental health issues.
Soooo... yeah. There's also the fact that the new college will be far more conservative and I live in India and it's all really a shit of a mess. So my mum asked me to think about whether I wanted to do distance learning instead, since I already am a designer and have done projects.
It's a lot to think about. And my head is being all messy, ya know how it is. If any of you have advice or experience with distance learning, that would be amazing, actually.
(Also my family were kind of really mean about my Crowley hair)
(Oh well)
(I love it and I have you amazing maggots so)
Anyway yes I just wanted to say what was going on so that you know why if I don't respond immediately to things going on :") And if you want to interact with the other maggots, the Discord server is always there, links get messed up on posts but I'm sure @arkytiorlecter or @howmanyholesinswisscheese will send you the invite link if you need it. It's in one of my posts, but things do tend to get lost on my blog, don't they?
No matter what I want you all to know that you are so, so loved, you are more than enough just by existing and being your beautiful selves, and you have made my life immeasurably better. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I love you I love you I love you maggots. I promise I'll go through the notes soon and cause chaos :") So beware. It just might take a day or two for me to get back to my usual frequency of chronical onlineness (which is my happy place muehuehue).
Have a wonderful day, and remember to eat and sleep and hydrate and take meds if you need to.
All my maggoty princely love for you,
Asmi
#good omens mascot#weirdly specific but ok#asmi#maggots#10khaos#just an update#asmi10kpocalypse#lgbtqia
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I've been absent from tumblr for nine days because I was in Philly for a 800 person twitter con (whose constituents roughly map onto the rationalist tumblr diaspora, culturally). I was tweeting up a storm in conjunction with meeting twitter people irl and barely checked tumblr.
The con itself stretched over a long weekend, but I arrived four days early for preparties and stayed two days for postparties. I am on the plane right now, returning home. I got about twelve weeks of normal socializing in nine days. In the last four days I was taking small amounts of Ritalin to get through the day. That sounds bad, but that's how much I valued talking to weird internet people and having unique interactions that you cannot have outside of festivals.
The last iteration of this con last year had 300 attendees. At the time, I had 180 twitter followers, mostly from the times tumblr melted down and everyone including me advertised where they were elsewhere, as insurance. I munchkinned the hell out of socializing at the first con, got an additional 100 active followers that provided enough attention for a self-sustaining poasting reaction, and am at 2500 now.
I'm approximately the same person on twitter that I am on tumblr, except I don't post my erotica (my twitter followers skew more heavily male, so I'm less willing to be sexual) and I'm more strategic about seeking clout. I like to think I stay away from the clout-chasing things I find really gross (like having takes about politics nonstop, or starting beef), but I currently treat getting twitter followers as an enjoyable game.
It's nice to have a place where I'm explicitly seeking power, as it is nice to have a place (here on tumblr) where I'm explicitly not. My tentative plan is to hit 10-20K and then push the "trying" lever to off. I know a number of "microcelebrities" who get no stalkers or murder threats, but can go to just about any major city and have a place to crash, or people to show them around. That is what I want for myself.
I explain this not very flattering thing as context for what the con was like for me.
Most of the time, I exist socially the way most people do – avoiding risks and being discreet with dissent to keep the peace. I think people go to events like this one or Burning Man to get a freaking break from having to do this – as long as the con is full of reasonably mature and interesting people, the atmosphere becomes wonderful when they coordinate to drop the pretense for a week. I ran into a person who had a bad interaction with my acquaintance a few years ago, and told him I thought poorly of his actions but wanted to hear his side of the story. (The ensuing interaction was illuminating and pleasant.) A guy came up to me and observed that he'd made several conversational bids this year and last year, I had seemed to dislike this every time, and asked if I would prefer he never approach me again. We proceeded to have an extremely autistic debugging conversation, in front of several of his friends, about whether we should speak again in the future. (The solution: yes, he can try again, but pick a question from Askhole – don't inflict small talk on me.) I ran up to Famously Evil-Alien-Vibes-Having Economist Robin Hanson and said, "I have nothing to say to you in particular, but I find you interesting and I want to hang out," and then we argued for an hour about the fertility crisis. After asking for blessing to say something negative, I told a blogger whose blog post that I'd otherwise really liked that there had been one aspect that I found disingenuous. We had a good back and forth after I said this.
What I found so addictive about this con is that my popularity-seeking drive and my honesty-seeking drive – both of which I somewhat repress most of the time – were not only expressible, but in harmony. It is quite inappropriate to be super open and openly autistic in most social contexts. Here, I could say exactly what I meant, and as long as I delivered it in the right way, people would like me for it. The conversation where the guy started with "You don't seem to like me, should I never talk to you again?" should by most predictive measures have been awkward and unpleasant – but I got the sense, steadily, that he (and his friend who eventually joined in) liked me for how I was responding to him. All I had to do was, literally, just say what I really thought, and it somehow all worked out.
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Ek khat mere pyare bade Bhai ke naam
@hectorfrombritain
You chose this name "HECTOR" for you , if we go in the literary sense it means to talk to someone in a bullying way - irony of this fact that you can never do that.... And so I nicknamed you "CEDAR"
One of the most sweetest, kindest being I ever met....
These are my feelings for you in the form of writing cause we are writers we do not speak we bleed ink on paper...
So ye khat aapke naam from aapki chhoti behen Clover aka me Kaya ek kaviyitri aur lekhika....
Mere pyare penguin bhaiya that's why I nicknamed you cedar cause Its metaphysical properties promote peaceful thoughts and help interpret messages from your inner self. Cedar supports us on spiritual quests by reconnecting and grounding us with earthly roots..... And I attribute all these qualities with you...
So Cedar bro , intellectual baatein karne wale samajhdaar bhaiya
Dear Bhai,
I first interacted with you via a reblog post and I was amazed by your thoughts on my writing then we had a very small chat on dm that's it.... then I joined the discord server but there too we never chatted much cause I was busy in creating a ruckus for myself
But now since we have started talking , I never felt as if I never had a word with you on the contrary it feels as if my day is incomplete without sharing words with you....
Someone beautiful as their existence
Someone who is dearest to me....
Honestly love the way you talk , and might I tell you you need to teach me about Greek mythology , you are so intelligent and intellectual means how just drop the secrets dude...
Although I am not there irl with you but I'll always be there for comforting you....
Never feel as if you are alone in something cause you have a little sister with whom you can share anything...
We are always together in everything although not physically but whenever you see the stars and moon remember that they bind me together with everyone and whenever you feel alone just look at them somewhere I am doing that too...
They bind me to you
Being one of the most supportive person and still doubting yourself is not good that's why I included earlier "Look at you comforting others with the words you wish to hear" , you are one of the bestest person out there so learn to trust in your abilities...... (I dare you say something contrary and see what I will do🔪)
You feel like a soft melody after constantly being irritated by pop music...
These are your vibes according to me :-
I still remember the day you told me your penguin story gosh I am still not over it , it was so cute and wholesome....
You know how I am the bubbly talkative af girl and to am extent I can say maybe nakchadi hu (still can't believe you though I was rude ) but you are the contrary mature, intellectual, introverted but that's what makes us brother and sister...
If I had to say you were a colour I'd definitely say you are green cause Those with Green color personality strengths tend to be perfectionistic, analytical, conceptual, cool, calm, inventive and logical. They seek knowledge and understanding as well as always looking for explanations and answers....
As if fictional character fight me but I will always say you are Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice cause you give off those gentlemen vibes...
Now imagine we met and you know my obsession with Polaroids so think these pics as them...
I know deep down sometimes (always) just like me you think about things about what would happen but isn't it the part of growing up...
अजीब दास्ताँ है ये, कहाँ शुरू, कहाँ ख़तम
I associate these lyrics with you cause our friendship was something very unexpected....
Last few days were tough for me so thank you for always being there for me and supporting me throughout....
I lost my faith in friendship way too early but thanks to you and few others that you revived it....
Now imagine me playing a guitar and singing this song to you...
I been tryin' to do it right
(Hey) I been livin' a lonely life
(Ho) I been sleepin' here instead
(Hey) I been sleepin' in my bed
(Ho) I been sleepin' in my bed
(Hey)
(Ho)
(Ho) so show me family
(Hey) all the blood that I will bleed
(Ho) I don't know where I belong
(Hey) I don't know where I went wrong
(Ho) but I can write a song
(Hey)
I belong with you, you belong with me
You're my sweetheart
I belong with you, you belong with me
You're my sweet
I dedicate these lyrics to you...
Just so you know I love you to the moon and back and I always appreciate and cherish your existence....
As always I'll dedicate these songs to you and as of its voice note I'll send it to you...
Now I think I have spoken enough
So signing off Cedar bro,
With love always
Kaya 💗
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Reasons I dislike Nancy Wheeler:
1) She just feels super two dimensional to me ngl. Even without taking a look at her character arc and actions, she kinda just.. exists for me
2) her whole personality can basically be summarised as: Independent woman who likes boys and guns. Yes I can and will look further into that if wanted in another post.
3) She is so condescending? Like all the time! Her opinion is the only valid one apparantly and everyone else is below her. Examples of this include: her treatment of Robin, her treatment of the kids, her treatment of Fred and many more.
4) She insults literally everyone. S1 begins with her insulting Steve's intelligence (which i have a lot of issues regarding not just for Nancy but all of the shows characters and I will follow up on this). S4 she insults Fred, a literal child following her guidance, for having differing opinions, IN THE 80S!! as people like to say when defending the shows harsher aspects.
5) her character literally never develops. S1 she began investigating Barbs death and never stopped. Held her feminist ideals *THAT I AM NOT AGAINST FTR*. Got given a gun and boys. And that was it for her. Every single season for her goes the exact same: Something bad happens, Nancy investigates, people doubt her and laugh, gets given a speech to carry on, is proven right, shoots the bad guy.
6) Does not seem to overly care about anyone else? S1 she did not GAF about anything going on unless it affected her. Will went missing? gosh Mike stop acting childish. Barb goes missing? Why is the world so unfair! Nobody is listening to me!
7) Like, she was only really investigating for her own career? In s3 and 4 in the least. She may have posed it to everyone else that she cared about the odd events, but she just wanted to be the first to get the good story. Like talking to Wayne Munson in the beginning and trying to invoke sympathy for her plight. It was just.. Not It for me.
8) she is selfish. Like i get she is a teenager, and teenagers are selfish, but... I would not like her irl unlike the other characters. Not one bit. She is always in everything for herself and she refuses to out herself in other peoples shoes for even a second. Mike is distraught over Will? Lets go have sex with Steve and argue with Mike. Steve wants to pretend a literal TRAUMATISING event didnt happen because he is also, a literal child? Nah he is bullshit. Jonathan decided not to fly down from California, despite literally being poor and having siblings to look after whilst pulling away from a ldr? Nothing she did there was wrong obvs.
9) the way she treats her partners is so horrible. Lets recap. S1- is dating Steve. Okay, so she lies to him about what she is doing with someone who TOOK PICTURES of HIS house without consent. Does not include him, her boyfriend, in her thoughts, and leaves him with the impression she is cheating on him. S2- still dating Steve. Lied to him for a whole year about her thoughts on their relationship. Gets drunk and calls him and their relationship bullshit while implying he is a murderer for something that is not his fault. Acts like it is not her fault when confronting him the next day. Proceeds to fuck off with Jonathan and have sex with him before even ending the relationship properly, and that is after insisting that there will never be anything between the two of you. S3 she just absolutely does not listen to a word Jonathan says and does what she wants whilst expecting him to drop everything for her and follow her around. S4 she puts the blame of their failing relationship on Jonathan and flirts with Steve.
10) she is really entitled. She is like the definition of a spoiled. She is handed things that she wants on a silver platter and is applauded when she gets it? Like she comes from what looks to be a upper lower/ middle class family in a nice meighbourhood with two parents, wanting for nothing, and does not seem to understand when people do not have the same constraints as her. Like she is okay to drop her job at the change of a hat but others actually need the money to survive? It is canon that Jonathan worked A LOT to help pay bills, and babysat Will, and she just, did not understand.
11) she gets applauded for doing the bare minimum. She showed up to help Eddie purely for the inside scoop and because she would look bad otherwise, and is HCed to be his new bestie? She tells Jason to fuck off? Shoots Vecna AFTER it has been set on fire? Like Hopper BEHEADS a whole ass demogorgon after being tortured and starved in Russia, but gets so little recognition.
12) literally risks getting her friends and family locked up/killed by the US government, for her guilt over killing Barb, and the want of a good story to publish. Like they were willing to shoot a shit ton of people for a child abusing lab who had no ides there was a child abusing lab *cough cough Benny*, and shoot a bunch of 11 year olds. They would have had no qualms about getting rid of them all!
13) literally abandons Mike, her BROTHER to go with her fresh BF at the end of s2! She was definitely not needed there, in fact she would have been more useful at the house with Steve and the kids, but nope.
14) Doesnt have a good relationship with her mother for what? Her caring? Like Karen Wheeler has her faults (Billy. Thats enough said) but noone can say she does not care about her kids. And Nancy just takes that for granted. This one is a personal slight, because a parent that offers up good advice, support and genuinely cares? That would be the life!
I am going to stop myself here, because I could probably go on for hours ranting. If you want to discuss any of this with me feel free to drop mw a message or something! No hate though please! I respect everyones opinions and will gladly take part in RESPECTFUL debate about any of this!
#stranger things#stranger things 4 spoilers#nancy wheeler#anti nancy wheeler#anti nancy#anti stancy#anti jancy#anti ronance
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20 author questions
tagged by the lovely @badcatholichusband
1. How many works do you have on AO3? 11
2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 153,683
3. What fandoms do you write for? Succession
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
This is not therapy — Roman chooses to go see Dr. Kellman on his own, which she identifies as one of his “strengths.”
Once upon a poolside — She knows by the knock that it’s him. That, and she was half expecting him to come crawling to her, a glutton for punishment. What she’s not expecting is to see him already punished: the blood on his shirt, the tear in his suit, the bruise already forming around his left eye. Not again, Logan, she thinks, only to remember that they’d entombed him that afternoon. Just another hurt-comfort fix-it fic immediately following S4E9.
Soft like silk — roman/gerri with twice the silk blouses (my magnum opus)
I know a place — season three of succession but it's Shiv who's weird about Gerri
Something unholy —something about “in costume” put the image of Roman in a priest’s collar in my head and I can’t get it out. A silly, sick, sexy, and heartwarming romp. In response to: Roman/Gerri autumn date. Takes place in a simpler time (season 2). I am going straight to hell.
5. Do you respond to comments? Not really but I would like to start because I love comments and am so grateful to everyone who reads my fic!!
6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angistest ending? Honestly I’m not sure how White Ferrari will end, but I’m thinking it will probably be that one. As for existing fics, probably Once upon a poolside, but it’s not even that angsty. I’m all about hurt/comfort on a micro and macro level.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Soft like silk or maybe This is not therapy.
8. Do you get hate on fics? Only one time and it wasn’t even really hate but someone was like “Gerri’s too mean” and I was just like “uh-huh.” because that’s how I like her.
9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? I pretty much ONLY write smut lol. The kinky kind??
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Yes I love them. Honestly my Hacks one I think is the craziest. One day I’ll finish that. And my Veep.
11. Gave you ever had a fiction stolen? No! But Soft like silk has inspired some stuff and honestly that counts for like a billion kudos
12. Have you ever had a fic translated? no
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no but I would! hmu!!
14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? oh god this is so hard — I really am just absolutely obsessed with bisexual icon Gerri Kellman and will pair her with anybody (even her husband Baird!) but Shiv/Gerri I think
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Meditations in an emergency. I am going to finish I know a place one day but there’s just a lot of pressure (from myself) to make it good (plus I have to rewatch the end of S3 to put myself back in that place/time.
16. What are your writing strengths? kink/smut, dialogue, accuracy to the source material, character complexity (according to my wife who betas everything)
17. What are your writing weaknesses? Self indulgent background on the Kellman family, commas
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? my French isn’t good enough
19. First Fandom you write for? Sherlock (I used to write Irene Adler/Kate the maid, so that’s telling of a number of things)
20. Favorite fic you’ve ver written? probably This is not therapy because I’m a therapist in real life and it was fun to just disregard literally every single element of what that’s actually like and have fun with the idea of Gerri being Roman’s therapist
tagging anybody who wants to do this including my IRL wife @thegables and romangerri folks like @catherineflowers29
#fanfic#succession#succession fanfic#romangerri#shivgerri#gerrolina#not making any promises but this is making me want to take up i know a place again and FINALLY finish it#I could also do a season 4 shivgerri#that would be interesting#since I’m having so much fun with a pregnant character in white ferrari
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Why are people so mean to you? You're literally one of the nicest people of interacted with on the internet
Long answer below cut
Many reasons, though none which are actually legitimate lol. I mean, yeah I can absolutely be a massive fuckin ass, BUT if I popped off on someone, it's because they really, really, really put time and effort into having got me to that point.
Another reason is that a certain person who used to be a 'friend,' ... Well it's a whole can of worms but ultimately, the final result was her purposely lying in order to set me up to make me look like a terrible person, then wrote an entire ass book of a callout which was 95% just blatant lies and beyond distorted 'truths' to the point it wasn't even true.
Additionally, people make just... wildly incorrect assumptions about me ("sanity thinks he's better than everyone and has the biggest ego!" Or "sanity is so mean!")... despite knowing jack shit about me. It's so baffling given the fact my blog and everything I post is my CONTENT. I am not my content, I am just the creator.
Let's see... What else...... OH! I'm very edgy boi. And have very dark humor. GOD FORBID!
Oh, another reason is because even though I don't talk about it... Like... Ever. I have been open about the fact that, yes, I do look at and watch gore tapes. However, I never brag about that (anyone who does is fucking stupid), it's not a flex. I very vocally discourage people from going to look themselves, and have never, will never, tell anyone how to find it let alone send them direct links. I've been asked by people before, I blocked all of them without replyiny. AND SO, WHY DO I WATCH GORE? I am an extreme horror creator. I am a splatterpunk author and artist who does a lot of horror illustration that include gore. It's legitimately for RESEARCH /serious. And that should be obvious to anyone. I'm also going to mention that yes, real gore footage and images are completely legal unless it involves CSA - that is beyond illegal. Just the thought of that type of gore makes me physically ill. I never never nor will I ever look at illegal gore. Kids being harmed is a massive trigger for me and ugh- i just want to puke at the idea of someone seeking it out.
Hmmm...OH! Because ASF is my favorite movie. Why is it my favorite? Because it IS uncomfortable. It portrays horrific things that happen in the real world, and shows these things graphically. It's not supposed to entertain, IT'S SUPPOSED TO UPSET YOU. Yes, I'm working on a video essay explaining the importance of ASF.
Aaand people are sent into tizzies over...😨😨 EXTREME HORROR😨😨 SERIAL KILLERS THAT ARE ACTUALLY A REALISTIC PORTRAYAL OF SERIAL KILLERS 😨😨😨 GOD FUCKING FORBID?! UNACCEPTABLE 🙄
Also, because Julius and Killian are supposedly me fetishizing mlm. I AM A PANSEXUAL MAN. And frankly, if people actually bother to read about their dynamic then go talk to MLM folks IRL... You'd realize that Julius and killian are the farthest thing from fetishizing.
Hmmm... And at the core of it all? Yes, this is going to sound up my ass but the ultimate reason? Jealously.
It seems like more people hate me than actually do, just because the ones who hate me are really fucking loud and can't keep my name out of their mouth (even though I forget or don't even know they exist until they somehow wind up on my radar). And a few certain people have about 50+ alts that they use to never stfu about me.
As for Chris Piss, that's completely different from the usual stuff. Slimebeast is...sure something.
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A humble, maybe desperate, request
Hello!
I am writing regarding the whole kji vs hs mods/bbh drama going on in the mewerp community right now. I would like to apologize in advance if my English is unnatural as I am not a native speaker. Also forgive me if I am not sending this where I should, I never had a tumblr blog and I am not too sure how it works.
I am a former member of the rp close to Jongin’s mun and I would like to have a sincere heart-to-heart between me and you guys.
Right now I am very concerned about my friend. Clearly neither side handled the issue well, yes, including my friend, and there were many mistakes that only escalated things into the mess that it became. So I was hoping that now that the incident is over, everyone would be able to close the chapter and move on. But now, I see other people bringing the topic up again and again in this blog. I see people who weren’t involved in the first place coming with their own versions of what happened, ranging from baseless lies to half-truths and quotes taken out of context. All this is only making mun upset again and urges them to respond to everything, even days later, which makes me terribly worried about their mental health despite them telling me they are fine. I am aware that my friend is definitely not the only one hurting from this all, but I am focusing on them because they are the ones I am close to and I see them dealing with it every day. I would like to clarify that no, my friend doesn’t know that I am sending you this message, so this is not me trying to throw a pity party. But at this point, I feel like, as a friend, I need to do my duty and try to step in and stop this madness. These things can have real life consequences, for everyone, that I am terrified to even think of and I just don’t want my friend to get stressed any more than they already have.
So, please, I beg you, from one person just trying to enjoy the internet to the other, please don’t post asks related to the HS incident anymore. Yes, I am aware this is a lot to ask for, I know this blog is dedicated to gossip and tea and it has the right to exist just like any other blog. I also acknowledge that people have the right to express their thoughts related to anything they want without censorship. I’m not trying to dictate what you should do with your own blog that you have 100% the right to run however you wish. I know that your intentions aren’t to hurt anyone irl. I’m not even opposed to reopening discussions about this incident after some time, when all parties have cooled down and can talk about it more objectively. What I’m trying to do is protect my friend’s mental health and hoping that by doing this, other people’s mental health will be spared too. Yes, you can say I’ve reached a point of desperation. I really just want peace, first of all, for my friend; but I also think it would benefit the rest of the rp too if the conversation died down and everyone gets back to enjoying the rp experience. At the end of the day, we all just want to enjoy our hobby and forget about the stress behind the screen. I just think everything has been dragged out way more than it needed to be and we’re not even having healthy discussions anymore, it’s just rants after rants that do nothing but everyone or someone…
As mun’s friend, I will also do my duty and have a serious conversation with them about everything and convince them to close this chapter too and stop responding to messages. Please help me by not posting asks anymore or at least limiting them as much as possible. I am very worried and I just want us all to move on, I truly feel that it’s time for us to close this messy chapter.
I know this is a lot. I know you’re not obligated to listen to me, nor are you obligated to respond. Either way, thank you for taking the time to read my message and please consider my proposal.
I hope you have a good day.
admin note: we will post the pent up hs asks in our inbox right now that came before this to be fair, and reblog this so it remains at the top after!
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Pokémon Reborn Screenshot Let's Play: Chapter 2
Welcome, anyone and everyone coming here from Chapter 1! If you’re one such person, then I must have been at least somewhat entertaining for you to have come here for more.
So! The second installment of my Pokémon Reborn screenshot Let’s Play. I actually planned on posting this yesterday, but I discovered that Tumblr has a "daily image upload limit", which...because of how many parts this chapter is, I ended up reaching, so I had no choice but to wait until today.
As alluded to in the previous chapter, I’ve decided on a new method of taking notes for commentary as I play the game- and by that I mean I’m just taking brief notes using the Notepad app on my phone off the side while I play. Quicker than writing out all the commentary as I go, right? I vibed with it pretty well throughout the making of Chapter 2- you can see the change in results for yourself, with how much longer this part is compared to the last one (hence my issue with the image upload limit).
Also- another slight change to how these are being written.
In order to make it less awkward for me to distinguish between me X (the actual real-world person writing all of this) and the in-game X (the player avatar Pokémon Trainer) in my writing, I will henceforth be referring to my player character in these posts with an actual name, that name being: Xera.
Why didn’t I just give my character this name in the first place instead of naming her after myself, you ask? Simple: I did not consider how off it would feel writing-wise to keep trying to refer to me myself IRL and my player avatar differently when the names are literally the same.
Normally, naming my characters after myself is fine for me- calling my player avatars in certain games “X” is second nature by now. However, normally I’m also just playing games myself, alone, I’m not usually writing down commentary and posting it publicly. Therefore, there’s no need for me to distinguish which is which in writing, because I’m not writing down anything. So, to emphasize: this is for my own sake, you’re all able to tell the difference I’m sure, but this is to make writing recaps and commentary easier for me in the future.
Don’t worry, Xera will be just as much of an avatar/player surrogate as ever as I simultaneously attempt to develop my own sense of character for her; yes, these can and will coexist, you cannot stop me.
Oh, speaking of recaps!! What actually happened in the last part? Well, in summary:
I chose and named my avatar (one can just say “X” is like a nickname for her or something if they want), at the same time discovering brunettes don’t exist in this world and thus choosing to be someone with white hair instead.
Xera meets Ame, a fellow white-haired lady who is also the manager of the Reborn Pokémon League and is thus trying to recruit other Trainers to sign up for it.
Ame brings up an Incident(TM) in Reborn’s semi-recent past that wrecked the League and almost left the region abandoned. She does not elaborate.
Ame also asks Xera if she had some message/password for her (she didn’t). She still does not elaborate.
A fedora-wearing ghost figure appears, then disappears just as quickly. Shortly after, the train we’re all on crashes into the train station (called Grandview Station) and explodes.
Just before the explosion, Ame is able to save Xera by tackling her and herself out of one of the train’s windows in a certified “MISS PRESIDENT LOOK OUT!!” moment.
Xera awakes to find Grandview Station in ruins, with everyone else on the train (including the other Trainers) presumably killed.
A green-haired woman named Julia arrives on the scene, drawn to the sounds of explosions and death and destruction. Ame is not amused.
Ame determines that this was a deliberate attack and heads off to help with the investigation, instructing Xera to go look for another Trainer who was supposed to register as well. She is to then head for a building called Grand Hall, where she will receive a starter Pokémon.
After Ame leaves, Julia properly introduces herself: a cheerleader with a love of all things explosive and also the Electric Gym Leader.
Absolutely no technical issues with Tumblr and private post URLs took place at all, everything was uploaded correctly the first time.
And now- the second chapter! Let’s see how this’ll go with the changes to commentary-writing and avatar naming I brought up.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Part 15
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Possibly my biggest problem with trying to make hard and fast rules about what kind of Problematic Subjects (TM) people are Not Allowed to Like or Create At All is that it's always so EXTREMELY limited in scope, so reductive about what constitutes "problematic", that it functionally ends up sorting stories into "as common-sense-bad as serving fried babies in the stands at a puppy-kicking contest and thus depiction of it is just as evil because if the story is fun or cathartic in ANY way someone might take it as saying it's good to reenact (because that's what common-sense-bad means, that people can be convinced it's good that easily)" or "wholesome perfectly imitable aspirational goodness that you should strive to recreate in the real world, no flaws, this is what utopia looks like, this is the ideal", and NOTHING in between exists, CAN exist...
And because human emotions are an irrational mess, this ends up meaning that a LOT of stuff showing some MAJOR unexamined biases ends up getting defensively shunted into the latter category.
How?
Hey, booktok! Look at this far-future military culture bravely standing up against aliens who are, by both their culture and their very genetic nature, just too evil and warlike to EVER reason with! Nearly 30% of the named characters are women including our lead couple and we have two trans characters too and we EVEN take 20 whole seconds to address the reasons that a military still exists at all so there's nothing sexist or problematic here! It's all but a post-patriarchal utopia! Never mind that everyone still looks down on survival skills like textile creation and sewing and gardening and cooking as soft frivolous nonsense only applicable to homemaking, that's a TRUE FACT and definitely not just an internalized bias because the author lives in a society where those are ~for giiIiIIrrRrRrllLLs~, and there's nothing even slightly questionable about the fact that the innately evil aliens are basically orcs transposed into a sci-fi setting, shhhh, orcs have never been written in a way that carries any kind of baggage, no more questions, don't you want cute lesbians surviving against the odds? What are you, some kind of homophobe!?
This also carries over to relationship dynamics; consider how...for all they get held up as the height of wholesome cuteness, coffee shop AUs aren't ~unproblematic~ at all. Sure, in the context of the story we can tell that the character cast as the barista is interested, but if that were a real-life situation? The only one who would be able to know if they're interested or not would be them, thanks to the limitations of Customer Service Mode. You can't ethically enter a relationship with someone in a situation where they don't have a safe way to firmly and unambiguously say no, and guess what, that's what most coffee shop meetings are! You see unproblematic fluff; well, when you call it that I just see workplace harassment. I'm not gonna say anyone can't write or enjoy these AUs! But I AM gonna side-eye the hell out of anyone who insists they're ~perfectly wholesome goodness~...at least, as long as the characters don't have an age gap greater than 2 years or so; if they DO have an age gap (and yes it still counts if it exists in canon but not in your fic) THERE'S an irreconcilable power dynamic! The only one in play here. Everything else about this scenario is 100% imitable and wholesome and healthy and fine!
...yeah. No. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.
See, one of the big problems with the whole Irredeemable Media mindset is that it declares that if you DON'T make that argument, and make it convincingly, you're not allowed to like this thing and still call yourself a Good Person; if you do like this thing, and you can't justify why it's wholly Unproblematic and totally okay to reenact irl, you're morally equivalent to an actual, literal child molester (and that one is not hyperbole but in fact the most common accusation flung over this).
But the problem is, Liking Things is an emotional response, not a rational choice. Liking Things is not something you consciously decide to do after evaluating that the Thing is 100% consistent with your worldview; it's just something that Happens.
So, look. To simplify it to a short paragraph, media analysis is supposed to work like this: you examine the piece of media and the events in it and the world it illustrates, you ask yourself what context it was written in, you ask yourself about the culture it originated from and how that influence shows in the end result, you ask yourself what about it resonated with you, for better, worse, and neutral, and from there, at the end of the process, you draw your conclusions about What It Means and how it relates to real-world issues and human behavior and whether or not you'd recommend it to others, and if so, to whom.
But when you follow this liking-media-is-a-one-to-one-reflection-of-one's-real-world-values mindset, what often ends up happening is that you get the process backward and engage in some dangerous circular reasoning: You Like This Piece. You Are A Good Person. Therefore, This Piece Is Good. You Like It, Therefore It Reflects Your Values, Therefore Its Values Are Good. It Is Not Problematic, Otherwise You Would Not Like It.
Ironically, that approach is far more inclined to make you want to accept some really fucked up ideas because your favorite piece of media contains them, than delighting in liking problematic trash ever would. Why?
Because you're not analyzing a piece of media, you're defending your own entire character. Your value as a moral human being. Your inherent goodness. Your ticket to heaven. You're defending all of this as if you're on trial. In order for You to still be Good, your favorite piece of media must also be Good, meaning everything about it must be Good. Those space orcs don't have any racist baggage, because they're not human! There is certainly no history of Black and indigenous people being compared to races of inhuman monsters; in fact, anyone who points out how their broad noses and war paint and the dark tones of their blue skin do indeed have some Implications in racial coding, those people are full of shit, those people are the REAL racists for making the comparison! And, and anyone who suggests that your coffee shop AU, when read through a lens of realism, is just as questionable about consent as any pulp bodice-ripper, and that both of these subgenres use romance genre conventions as a shorthand for consent instead of showing it explicitly and that's okay as long as the target audience also understands what's going on - no, absolutely not, clearly this is just a bad-faith argument to hold up an ACTUAL problematic ship, you're nothing like those trashy edgelord authors, see, the barista laughed at and leaned into the flirty joke, no one in the history of customer service work has EVER done that as a professional courtesy or to prevent a conflict from escalating while silently wishing the interaction was over and wondering if the customer is going to stalk them after their shift, or at least no one is a good enough actor that if they were thinking that you wouldn't be able to tell, the consent was totally clear and totally illustrated 100% realistically!
Whereas, if you just admit to yourself that, yeah, okay, the author of Fight The Aliens And Make It Lesbian definitely tried to make something overall positive, and oh boy did they ever deliver in terms of letting a diverse cast be action heroes and examining how that kind of stress can affect a person and how people can still find joy in the direst of situations, but they still had some unexamined biases that show through and it's worth addressing so we can do even better in the future; or that actually, yeah, the reason the customer/barista meet cute is fun to fantasize about is because the nature of the narrative eliminates the uncertainty about everyone's intentions, even though it's every bit as inimitable as professor/student in reality (and holy shit more people need to be aware of that actually, workplace harassment is fucking rampant) - that shows far more moral integrity than trying to jump through hoops to justify these things. Under the other model, you were bending over backward to give these things a pass to prove you weren't a Bad Person for liking them, and in the process defending some genuinely indefensible ideas and irl behavior. Now, you're just letting yourself be a human person with emotions that don't necessarily equal something you should act on, or even that you would ENJOY acting on - I mean really now, when you stop and think about it, would you actually want to try and flirt with your blorbo over the cafe counter when you get nervous even just ordering coffee from a normal person?
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me, a doc x tommy truther til i die, watching these anons like omg the girls are fightingggg
im just kidding, literary discourse and media analysis is ALWAYS good and i don't think theres enough of it in fic spaces (it's always "it's just fanfic it's not that deep" YES IT IS i love thinking and having thoughts about everything). so here's my opinion that nobody asked for i just can't resist LMAOOOO
the great thing about fiction is that you (both reader and writer) can safely explore and experience things that you otherwise wouldn't be able to, including things that would be dangerous irl. joel and doc's relationship was never perfect (even pre-outbreak), they lose each other for years and both go through insane amounts of life altering, major trauma, and then find each other again. of course the relationship is going to be toxic this time around! the idea that finding doc again would have been enough to make him overcome having his only child murdered in front of him is insane to me and im SOOO glad you didn't go that route when writing.
i get what people are saying when they say it's too much/toxic/bordering on abusive for him to treat doc this way. it is toxic and it is abusive but it's also a very realistic depiction of a toxic relationship ("even though it's bad and he's bad and it won't last i'm choosing joel instead of moving on"). he isn't a good guy and people forget that because he's a walking HOT SINGLE DADS NEAR YOU! porn ad but he's robbed, killed, and tortured people, some of which didn't deserve it. it's never confirmed in canon that he didn't sexually assault people pre-ellie and pre-qz when he was out there. i don't even think it's IMPLIED that he never did these things (other than hating david). point is, he kinda sucks if you think about it too hard. in a different timeline every therapist in the country would tell joel and doc to go 100% no contact and joel would have an abilify prescription.
but alas, this is fiction! these people are not real and these situations exclusively exist as a combination of letters on a screen. i know it's technically a joel x reader series, but am i the only one who doesn't see myself as doc? she's a whole oc at this point (side note: what's everyones doc fc? mine is dianna agron slay). i think that could be another reason people are hesitant with how joel/doc are playing out; they see doc taking him back without him doing much begging and it takes them out of it because it isn't something they would do. which is fair and i have no rebuttal for that! there's no right or wrong way to read. keep doing you besties but plz don't take back a toxic lover just because they grovel omg
tldr joel/doc = toxic but they aren't real and also they live under a fascist regime during the apocalypse where italian 4 cheese cheez its don't exist so cut them some slack alright if i had to live in those conditions i would be worse than both of them
this incomprehensibly long take brought to you by my love for literary discourse, my decade of experience in therapy, and my autism that makes me overanalyze every aspect of everything that exists :D
OMG BABES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
I love all the conversation around this fic and that people have different interpretations and feelings around it (even if sometimes I’m like “wait here’s why!!”)
But yes ultimately, these are two very traumatized, hurt people who are trying to survive and that drives soooo much of their choices.
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Fuck it, DSMP loveposting because i'm feeling emotional.
I just am so grateful to be a part of this community and to be able to connect with other fans and even the content creators themselves. When I first got into the dsmp I was a very cynical, bitter, hopeless person and I genuinely think the dsmp helped me get a better outlook on life. But it was rewatching the disc finale, months after everyone else had, in late September, that I fell in love with this story. For all of the silly bits and fooling around, I feel there is a genuine message portrayed by the story, whether implicit or not, to not give up hope.
Because even though the world is a careless apathetic place, there are people who are still kind. There are people who look at this vast expanse of the universe, the universe that says nothing. And despite it all, they say "I love you." to the people they love. And even though nothing lasts forever, even though death is inevitable, they still love and they still create attachments and they still keep on keeping on.
This whole story meant so much to me, and although it will end eventually. I don't care. As long as fans of it exist, as long as fanwork still continues, and as long as we remember, it will keep on living for me.
The content creators are essentially folkheros, telling their modern tales to an audience separated by time and place, but together because we're all so passionate about one thing. And yes, some people twist that, they are creepy, mean, and toxic. I know. But I have met some of the kindest, funniest people through the dsmp fandom, including IRLs!
So with all that being said, thanks to every dsmp streamer for making this possible. It was an honor to tune in live to my first ever lore stream during the Las Nevadas finale.
Here's to 2 years now of wonderful stories, and here's to many more to come.
#dream smp#dsmp#mcyt#dsmpblr#dsmp lore#the wren hops#sorry for being sappy i need to get this out of my system
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"[Rung's] an old size null who could be your great-great-grandparent for all you know. (now, whether or not people react positively to that aura is a different matter)". (froid for one hates it) AND THE "Froid theories include confusion between guardian and Endurae relationships" am I reading too much into these two statements? Cos I currently feel like the "I've connected the two dots. I've connected them." But it's probably a "you didn't connect s***" moment
first post referenced and second post referenced
BADHFOGLDJFSLGHHGJFKZH WELL. I MEAN. YOU ARENT EXACTLY WRONG I GUESS???
nobody based on irl Freud who comes up with that kind of psychological model and projects such weird assumptions onto everyone else can have the healthiest internal life, and certainly not the healthiest perception of/relation to other ppl. combine that with a (homoerotic?) obsessive, bitter professional rivalry with someone who genuinely would rather forget he exists and you get a bajillion potential different unbalanced dynamics going on in Froid's mind. i don't really like getting into his headspace bc i don't like him as a person, so that parallel was unintentional/maybe subconscious, but the idea that he despises Rung because he is both attracted to and comforted by his presence is hilarious
why yes i would love to watch Froid being utterly, unsustainably messed up thank you. mmm the Problematique *chef's kiss*
#he also hates rung bc he feels threatened by him so. theres so much going on here#meanwhile rung LITERALLY doesnt start crap with him until froid crosses a boundary and then rung gets snippy#this is entirely on froid and he is a one mech rung hater club for no good reason at all#froid#rung#good aspects of mechas long life: they can accomplish a lot; dont have to pass down info while theyre still alive to work!#bad aspects of mechas long life: it only takes one guy gaining influence in his field to mess up the whole thing for millions of years#yes i know freud had his own stuff and contradictions and changed his mind blah blah this isnt about him
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welcome to my twisted mind
Making a lil intro post to pin because I have oversharing problems and my bio is getting weirdly long 💕
To my OCs whomst I love and cherish
Important stuff!
So waddup my name's Two, I'm 25 and my pronouns are they/them. I'm also aromantic and gray-ace irl but that does not apply to traumatized fictional men, traumatized fictional men could get it any time no questions asked.
I follow and interact from my main @szammy!
This blog contains any and all random animation movie/series and comic content plus a concerning amount of fox Gotham, as well as whatever else my hyperfixation will zone in on next week. It fluctates man. I have no control. I never had control. Smallville is my favorite as well as my most beloathed, I bought all the dvds and refuse to watch them out of dread. From what I've gathered, that's the normal reaction to the show.
This blog is also pro-minding-my-own-business I DON'T CARE what other people ship or don't ship and I'm not gonna start drama. Tumblr's been so mean lately man. Also seeing as I am an adult there will be untagged nsfw if I so please so be advised of that! Curate your own online experience. If my existence offends you in any way don't follow, or even block me, I promise I won't take it personally. I love you. You're allowed to leave.
Other stuff (please excuse the wall of text oh my gOD)
I'm a ✨shameless✨ self-shipper with an obsession for oc creation and then making said ocs smooch canons. I draw super cringe self-indulgent art of that but you'll never see it 💜. My main blorbo is, if it wasn't obvious, (Smallville!)Lex Luthor my beautiful my beloved my bastard. It started out with Smallville Lex but by this point I love all versions of him and yes I'm aware my taste in men is questionable. He's my horrible little husband and I'm biting him <3
I'm actually pretty new to this whole fandom, I never cared about anything DC related at all until late april 2022 when some random ass person in a fucking warrior cats discord server grabbed me and violently yanked me down the hole with him. Y'all the hyperfixation hit STRONG I never stood a chance and now I live here and everyone else has to deal with me.
Other interests include my beloved Jason who I owe my life, and apparently also Gotham!Alfred because that just happened?, depending on whatever I'm feeling at the current time of day. (He'd treat me right lmao.) No, I will not elaborate. Listen I do not choose the special interest, but I abandoned shame years ago and if my brain says we're doing this then that's how it is.
Lastly please enjoy a picture of my beloved daughter Maddie as I am a proud single parent of a wonderful cat and I show her off every chance I get 💜
#intro post heehoo#if you saw me post this before it was ready no you didn't#tumblr did me dirty man#i promise i am very friendly and more shy than i appear tbh#please come be my friend#i need attention 24/7 and my sweet little Maddie is overworked lmao
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“ To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
- Oscar Wilde
December 13th, 2023
Hello, to anyone who may come across this. I’m sure this isn’t the regular content people make on Tumblr but nevertheless!
Over the past few months, I’ve had quite the experiences. I’ve graduated high school! ..But I was also unemployed and unhoused for the summer, so it’s not all roses. We lost our family car too-which, living in an unwalkable city? That makes getting anywhere virtually impossible. It’s been a struggle, however it’s not exactly something I’d call “unusual” for my life. I’m not here to talk about those shortcomings, but to talk about how it’s been living afterwards.
I’m doing fine, for the record. I live in a relatively good home, and I take my medication on schedule so no problems there. It’s just- I think I’ve gotten pretty lonely. Now, for context, I’m a seventeen year old autistic person. I have never known not being in grade school until this year, and I take a strong liking to my routines. I honestly didn’t realize how badly it would affect my scheduling and ability to stay functional??? But here we are, regardless.
School seemed to be my only outlet to the outside world, apparently. I lost SEVERAL things, including: my interaction with peers (and the ability to socialize), a routine that flows properly throughout the day, and my educational source!!! I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT MY EDUCATIONAL SOURCE!!! I’m a lover of learning, sue me. Losing this huge chunk of time and interaction in my day has rendered me, like, practically useless. I can’t connect with people my age nor can I reach out to MAKE connections, it’s like being away from other teenagers has made me forget How To Teenager. Is this an autism thing? Possibly. I’m just so completely lost on what’s relevant to people my age and what I should be doing with my life. I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way, it’s not like being lonely is a brand new concept. But I don’t know, it feels different when you’ve been the outsider your whole life. The crux of autism, really. Yes I’m okay with being different, but am I? I have no clue how to act or dress or talk, I have no peers around me anymore to use as a socializing guide. Kinda feels like I’m regressing, in a way. Not to make this about how my autism sucks, it doesn’t suck and I wouldn’t change being autistic. I just wish I knew more about people.
I don’t wanna make this seem like some “oh, woe is me!” situation. I know it’s not special to be a little upset that you’re missing out. Except, when you’re living in a small town that doesn’t really consist of anything but regular, average people. I have, like, two friends IRL. I refuse to join any sort of dating or “friendship” app, but without viable transportation or consistent interaction with people, I’ve become distanced from everyone. I’ve taken to tumblr to express this because well, growing up on tumblr was where all the weirdos were. So maybe, just maybe, if you managed to get through this whole post, you’ve felt the same once in your life. Or even now. I just want to connect with people, or at least know that someone gets what I’m saying.
I’m not sure if this is like, gonna be a blog, or if I’ll even feel not embarrassed enough to post more. But I hope that if you read, you know a little more about me now.
I most definitely have more to tell, if in case you wanna listen.
Goodnight everyone!
- beforethekettlecalls (they/them)
#writing#writers on tumblr#actually autistic#dear diary#hell is a teenage girl#therapy#my version of it anyways#LOL#blogger#personal#real life#i need friends so bad oh my god#poetry#autism#lgbtqia#lgbtq writer#autistic experiences#self care#blog#daily life#mental health#isolation#agoraphobia
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For fanfic ask: 😅😈🧐🙋♀️
Thank you, Nonnie! To everyone who has sent me a prompt: the wind got scary and I took an edible and now I'm high. But I will answer every single prompt in due course, even if it takes me a minute!
😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?
Not in this fandom, but I wrote a spanking fic with a particular line that makes me want to crawl inside of a box that is dropped from a 747 into the sea.
😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?
See: every cliffhanger in Soul. Also, their first kiss was originally planned for waaaay earlier than I ended up letting it happen. Because I am mean.
🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?
Depends on the story. With Soul, I've been using a lot of google maps and wikipedia to find places for them to go, then a lot of random searches to find out what those places might have been like in the 80s. I have also sent them to some places I've been, but even then I have to google random shit. (Like yesterday, for example, when I was working on a certain chapter and had to look up "when did the Wildhorse Saloon open?" followed by "line dancing nashville 1980s" so guess where the kids are going?)
🙋♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?
Oh God, yes. So many people, including my therapist. I never shut up about it. Granted, I rarely if ever share my AO3 alias, but yeah. I have no shame about my hobbies, and I have a lot of fandom friends who do cosplay and shit, so nobody's judging.
These are fun, thank you again, Nonnie!
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