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cheriladycl01 · 2 months

Note

Could you do fic for Checo Perez with wife reader? He had some insecurity about his abilities to race against the grid and she just hugged and comforted him. Add something else to it if you want to. Tag me later Thanks!! :))

The pressure is insane… - Sergio Perez x Wife! Reader

Plot: Checo replacing Alex was probably the best thing to happen to him in his Formula One career. However, so much pressure comes from being in that second Red Bull seat, not just the team but the fans too, and Checo doesn’t like the pressure on him.

Credit to checorita for the GIF

When Checo came into the seat, and performance wasn’t great, people in the team told him it would be fine and to keep his head up because everyone knew he was getting used to how different the Red Bull Car is thanks to Max’s driving style.

But at it came to his second season, and it didn’t seem like things were improving much, Christian kept talking to him, explaining what was expected of him as if he hadn’t already informed him over 100 times.

He was just struggling with a car that was clearly built for their main driver, which is why Pierre crumbled under pressure and it’s why they couldn’t put up with Alex when he didn’t learn the car quick enough for them.

The gave Checo the benefit of the doubt throughout 2022, but when Red Bulls most dominant season came around it was without a doubt that your husband had to step up.

And in your eyes he had, getting two race wins under his belt, but he wasn’t consistent enough for Christian and it seemed that he wanted Checo to be actually challenging Max more.

It got worse when the Ferrari and McLaren started to beat him despite being in the worse car, and it was deemed a ‘driver issue’

Sergio felt awful, for a man who had been racing for as long as he had, he never felt doubtful of his abilities to put on a show and drive to the best of his ability.

But now, in the Red Bull seat, he actually understood the words ‘under pressure’ because he was under it constantly.

“Baby what’s wrong with you, you’ve been jittery all week” you ask your husband who was currently watching over some of his old races with a notepad.

“Hmmm?” He asks not even throwing a glance in your direction.

You knew he wasn’t listening.

“Well I just think that when aliens invade Earth that we should have a bunker ready and prepared so that you and I can help create a new civilisation after the government kill them all …” you say trying to grab a reaction from him.

“Hmmm yeah that’s really nice” he starts but then he looks up and his head cocks to the side as if his brain just processed the words you said. “Wait what?” He asks.

You chuckle and little bit happy to have his attention.

“I just wanted to see if you were listening, I asked what’s been up with you lately” you say softly, taking a seat next to him, reaching over to grab the remote and pause the race he was observing so his full attention was on you.

“Nothing wrong, I’m fine” he lies.

“Hermoso, we’ve been married for 6 years, I know when somethings up” you smile taking his hand into yours and kissing the back of it softly while watching for his reaction.

“I just … nevermind it’s stupid” he sighs looking down.

“None of your feelings are stupid baby, please let me in” you say calmly.

“I just feel like, I’m so singled out on the grid. You’ve got so many amazing drivers and then there’s me. Lewis is a 7x world champion, and and Max my own team mate has won 2, and he’s probably going to win this year by a landslide and then there’s Fernando again he has two championships, and then you’ve got all this new talent in Lando, and Charles and Carlos and now that Oscar is here, it’s getting tough” he admits and you softly smile at him.

“Where have all these doubts come from honey?” You ask, you knew he didn’t think he was the best driver, but he never once compared his abilities to individual drivers.

“Christian said that if I didn’t improve he’d replace me with Yuki, Liam or Daniel and that i might not even get a AlphaTauri seat as a replacement” he says putting his face in his hands with a soft sigh.

You pull him into a hug in which he nuzzles his head into your neck.

You are an incredible driver, there’s just such an insane amount of talent on the grid right now, you being one of them. World champion or not baby, your still one of only 20 drivers in the world that are here! Your a race winner and I’m so proud of everything you’ve done. You are incredible” you smile wrapping your arms around him while you feel him shake a little, presumably where he’s crying.

“Im just awful at it all. Driving, being a husband … you’ve been asking for a baby for 3 years and I keep telling you no because I’m so career focused but I can’t even seem to be good at that career” he complains and you almost laugh.

“Oh honey, I think you forget you are without a doubt the best thing that’s ever happened to me, child or no child. And where you aren’t ready because your at a point in your career that is crucial, I’ll always understand that darling. You are all I need, you are all I want. And I married you because I’m happy with you” you say tightening your hold on him.

“You know, I would never not be ready to have a kid. If you want one, we can have one. I’d never say no” he argues wiping his eyes and looking at you, only for you to release a breath of relief.

“Thank god, that night in Saudi Arabia really stuck” you admit and he cocks his head to the side not understanding. You take his hand and place it on your stomach, there wasn’t much of a bump, but a slight and minuscule weight gain was there. Enough that when he run his hand over your tummy he could feel it.

“Are you saying?” He asks and you nod.

“I know, I know it’s not the right time because your so stressed and I’ve been so nervous to tell you because I know you’ve had a lot on your plate since being in Red Bull and it was such a shock to me” you start to ramble thinking you should have waited.

“No this is the best news ever! This has made my day, my week, my year even!” He smiles before lifting you up and twirling you round.

“I love you” he says pulling you in for a kiss, happy with life.

And now he didn’t have anything to worry about, as long as he was able to provide for you and your child or children in the future he knew he could handle the pressure because now there was something else riding on it!

A/N: hey guys I didn’t realise tumblr only lets you do 50 tags per post! So I’m not sure what to do about taglist anymore? Any suggestions?

Taglist:

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @daemyratwst @lauralarsen @the-untamed-soul @thewulf @itsjustkhaos @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @summissss @gulphulp @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhhhh @georgeparisole @youcannotcancelquidditch @tallbrownhairsarcastic @ourteenagetragedy @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @lilypadlover @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @dark-night-sky-99 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @laneyspaulding19 @malynn @viennakarma @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @seomako @urdad-hot @tinydeskwriter @ironmaiden1313 @splaterparty0-0 @formula1mount @styl1shl1v

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #formula 1 x you #formula 1 #formula one #formula one fanfiction #sergio perez x you #sergio perez imagine #sergio perez x reader #sergio checo pérez #sergio perez #checo perez #sp11 x reader #sp11 #sp11 x you #sp11 fic

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theraggedygirl11 · 2 months

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Baš ja, koji nisam verovao da za nekim biću lud

Bojan's POV

Kris' POV: AO3 - Tumblr

SUMMARY: In a world where Heaven and Hell exist, angels and demons are constantly fighting and killing one another. What if a demon easily dominated by his emotions falls in love with a stoic and cold angel trained to kill demons?

PAIRING: Bojan Cvjetićanin/Kris Guštin

WARNINGS: swearing, blood, implied violence, hurt/comfort, implied suicide, emotional rollercoaster, enemies to lovers, hint of jance in the background

WORDS COUNT: 5.094

LINK: AO3

NOTES: Hello! Welcome to my first ever BoKris fic. It all started from this post by @arctixout and that damn tag (for reference: #stoic angel!kris and demon!bojan who's slave to his emotions and then they somehow fall in love wait who said that). And what could I do? It was too juicy to not write something out of it! So here we are.

Besides, as you can see from the title, I used Bluza (Youtube video and lyrics+translation) as my inspiration (and background music while writing), and this songs plays a role in the plot too 👀 yeah, I know we all think this is a BoJere song, but in this fic it's a BoKris fic, you'll understand why

Also, thanks to my beta @anxious-witch!

Last but not the least, I did this aestethic/moodboard trying to match @arctixout gifs

“You should talk to him.”

“Why? He's a demon. He's impure, a damned soul.”

“And you love him.”

“Angels can't love. He started corrupting me.”

“Angels can love and they must love. It's not corruption.”

“How can you tell it's not his corruption, Jan?!”

“Because I fell in love with a demon too. And I accepted it. Go to him, speak to him. He’s singing for you.”

When humans think about demons, the mental image they have is that of a terrifying creature, maybe with huge bat wings, a tail with an arrowhead at the end, claws, horns, red skin, maybe even hooves instead of feet.

Well, we do have a tail, and wings, and claws, but nothing alike of what you see in those pictures, and not every demon has them. We own a human form, just like everyone on this planet, that we use to roam among mortals. We have feelings, desires, hobbies, friends and families. Our only drawback is being born a demon from demon parents. We are guardians in Hell, we just watch over the damned souls who doomed themselves to suffering.

Heaven knows this, angels too, but they deliberately chose to not see this, to hate us, and they kill us with no hesitation when they find us on Earth. They think we are impure beings that don’t deserve to live.

And this is what led me, a demon, to meet the most beautiful creature ever seen on every plane of existence. I fell in love with an angel, I don’t even know his name, but I will discover it.

He almost killed me, I was terrified for my life, but he stopped when our eyes met, the sharp point of his dagger barely touched my throat. Something exploded in my chest, my heart was beating so fast. I've never felt something similar to what I felt at that moment.

And since that night I find myself staring at the sky so often, during both daytime and nighttime. Am I a hopeless romantic that waits for his angel to come and get him? Oh yeah, you can bet on it. And I'll wait for him to appear for eternity, if necessary.

* * *

“Bojan, come on!” Shouts Nace, one of my dearest demon friends. “We are late!”

I turn my eyes in his direction. I was staring at the sky, again. As always, no signs of my angel. He will appear, I’m sure of it, but this is not that day. I sigh, then reach Nace and Jure.

“Still looking for that feathered ass?” Jure asks.

“I…yes. I’d like to meet him again.”

“It’s better if you forget him, he will try to kill you again the next time he sees you,” says Jure while looking me in the eyes.

“He’s different. I’m sure of it. He didn’t kill me.”

“No, but he was about to,” replies Nace. “You know better than us that those winged assholes can’t be reasoned with.”

I lower my eyes, aware of the truth behind Nace’s words. We lost so many of our demon friends because of angels. But maybe…maybe he’s not like the other angels. I saw something in his eyes, something different, this sparkle.

With this thought in mind, I followed Nace and Jure to our destination: there’s a concert of a human band we all like, so we decided to go. We enjoy music so much, we also joke about forming a band together and tour together on Earth, among mortals, but that would put too much attention on us. It’s too dangerous. But at least we can enjoy concerts and gigs!

I’m dancing, taken away by the rhythm of the songs, when my gaze meets familiar eyes in the crowd, two amazing blue-green seas. I completely stop, and so does he. The music and every other sound disappears along with the people around me.

We stare at each other for moments that seem to last decades, blue into brown, light into darkness, Heaven into Hell, a perfect but forbidden combination, something that should never exist.

This magic spell breaks when I feel a hand on my shoulder and immediately after a tight grip. I turn and see Nace on my side, who is harshly staring at my angel. Jure appears on my other side.

I turn again towards my angel and I see two other people near him, one of them with dark and long messy hair and a beard, the other one with shorter hair but well combed and a trimmed beard. They are definitely angels. And they know we are demons.

The guy with messy hair steps in our direction, but my angel stops him, raising his hand and using it as a barrier. The dark-haired angel steps back and quickly glances at his friend. No one says a word.

“Bojči, let’s go,” Jure whispers into my ear, then grabs my arm and pulls me away.

I keep looking at my angel until I can no longer see him in the crowd.

In the next weeks Nace and Jure forbid me to go to the surface, but I sneak out. Every other demon could tell that my self-preservation instinct got fried because I want to talk to that angel, at all costs.

I keep looking at the sky, searching for him. Waiting for him to show up. And every single time nothing happens. But I’m stubborn, I won’t give up.

Tonight the sky is clear, stars are shining bright, and there's a small crescent moon. I'm lying on a patch of grass in the middle of nowhere, around me only trees and mountains.

Suddenly a shadow partially covers the sky above me.

“What are you doing here all alone?”

I startle and stand up immediately, recoiling scared. When I recognise the person in front of me, I wide my eyes and open my mouth in surprise.

“Angel,” I whisper.

It’s dark, but I can sense his piercing blue eyes on me. He’s tall, taller than Jure and Nace too. His cheekbones are prominent, I can for sure cut myself while stroking them. Maybe I’m a masochist, but I want to touch them and feel them under my hands and bleed for him. He’s standing straight, rigid like a soldier, or maybe a general, I can’t tell his celestial rank.

“I repeat, since you seem to not understand my words, what are you doing here all alone?”

Shivers run down my whole body, his voice is…ok, this might sound cheeky, but yes, his voice sounds angelic, a slow caress of a lover on my back down to my waist.

“I was looking for you.”

“For me?” He’s surprised.

“Yes, for you. I wanted to talk to you, angel.”

Now he’s confused. Well, not every day a demon comes looking for an angel. I go closer to him, moving slowly.

“I’m not armed,” I show him my hands. “You can check on me. This is not a trap.”

His eyes follow every single movement I do, even more carefully when I’m in front of him. I stare at his face, stunned by his beauty. I lift a hand to touch it, but I stop mid-air. No, I can’t touch him, my dirty hands can only ruin his perfection.

“Why do you want to talk to me, exactly?”

“I…I want to know you, angel.”

“I beg your pardon, you want to know…me?”

“Yes,” I nod. “You are amazingly beautiful, angel,” I let slip this comment, without realising.

I notice a weird red-ish colour on his face. Did I just make him blush? I chuckle, he replies with a shy smile. Oh, he’s so wonderful! That smile almost made me melt on the spot.

“Would you like to…I don’t know, come grab a coffee or anything else to drink?”

Who said that angels and demons can’t get along well? They must have never met an angel, then.

My angel, whose name is Kris, is a pleasant company. Well, he’s still a little bit rigid, but since that night when we had a couple of drinks together in a bar he became much more open and relaxed and he smiles so much now! Oh, I adore his smile. And his laugh too!

We started going out together here and there, but every time it happens, my heart almost explodes out of joy. I can’t wait to see him again and again and again. Jure and Nace are worried for me, but I feel safe around Kris. He’s not like the other angels.

Our “dates” are pretty diverse. Sometimes we just hang out in some park or in the middle of wild places; once we sat on a cliff for hours, we talked and we observed the environment, at least Kris, I was too busy looking at him with heart eyes. Some other time we choose a city and we explore it, we can just appear anywhere in the world, a perk of being supernatural creatures!

This night though is special. Tonight I will confess my feelings to Kris. By now we have been seeing each other for some months and I’m completely sure about my love for him. Yes, I, a demon, fell in love with an angel, I’m not afraid of saying it, I want to shout it from the top of a building.

I’m putting on some makeup. I’m in front of the mirror in the bathroom of a small apartment I rented for when I’m roaming around on Earth. Jure and Nace are with me in the room, they are still worried for me.

“Are you sure of what you are about to do?” Nace asks.

“Yes, never been so sure in my long demonic life,” I reply.

“But he’s an angel, Bojči,” Jure whispers. “He’s dangerous. What if he’s playing with you?”

“He’s not, Jurček. I see how he looks at me, he…I think he’s in love with me too,” I glance at him through the mirror.

“Angels are sly creatures, you can’t trust them,” Jure adds.

“They say the same stuff about us, you know?”

I smile at my reflection. That black eyeshadow with glitter is perfect for me, my eyes are shining. “I love him, I’m going to tell him this. Tonight will be a special night, nothing can change this.”

We hear the sound of wings in the living room. He’s here.

I almost run in the room, a huge smile appears on my lips when I see him. He’s wearing beige trousers, a shirt with light colours and floral designs and a silver jacket. He’s from Heaven, no one can be mistaken. And his clothes collide with mine: I’m wearing black trousers and a black t-shirt, when we’ll go out I planned to wear a bright red leather jacket. He’s the good boy, I’m the bully, the bad boy.

“You are stunning, ljubavi .”

“You…too, Bojan.”

I notice his eyes passing over me. I turn and I see Jure and Nace.

“Oh, yeah, these are my dearest friends. This is Jure,” and I point to the blonde demon. “And this is Nace,” I move my hand towards the tattooed demon. “They are safe, they won’t hurt you. I ask you to do the same.”

“...fine,” he grants. His eyes turn back to me. I notice hesitation in him.“You put on makeup.”

“Yes, just for you. Do you like it?”

“You…look good.”

I grab his hand. “I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes and follow me.”

I practically pull Kris to the bathroom, where I make him sit on the edge of the bathtub.

“What are you trying to do, little demon?”

“I told you, it’s a surprise,” I reply while I take the palette I bought the other day. I start putting makeup on his face, I chose a wonderful golden eyeshadow for him. I admire my work.

“You are otherworldly, ljubavi . Open your eyes.”

Kris opens his eyes and looks in the mirror. I observe his reaction: I can read astonishment in his face.

“Gold is your colour. It suits you perfectly.”

“I-It does,” he whispers.

I smile and kiss him on the cheek. “We can go, then. I have other surprises for you, my angel.”

Our first stop is at a wonderful restaurant where we had already eaten so many times because it’s Kris’ favourite. I let him order whatever he wants and then pay for the whole dinner. We talk about many topics, but Kris is weirdly more silent than usual.

“Is everything ok, ljubavi ?”

“Yeah, sure, don't worry. I…had a rough day in Heaven, that's all.”

I smile fondly at him, then gently grab his hand and slowly stroke its back.

“Now it's time for you to relax, then. Enjoy this night out.”

Our eyes lock. I see him relaxing a bit, the shadow of whatever happened retreating.

Once dinner is finished, we take a long walk into the city centre. It's almost summer, the temperatures are pleasant, so many other humans are around. We blend in, looking like a proper couple, even because we are holding hands.

When we arrive at our final destination of the night, I bring Kris to the top of a building, so we can be alone and closer to the sky, his home.

“Why did you bring me here?” Kris asks.

I shake one hand in the air, around us many candles appear and some slow music starts spreading, embracing us. I turn towards my angel and offer him my hand.

“Would you like to dance with me, Kris?”

He looks at me, confused, but then takes it. I lay my other hand on his waist and smile at him. We start dancing, slowly. My angel is a bit embarrassed, but he tries to follow my lead.

“Just let the music flow over you. Hear it inside of you and allow it to take control over your body,” I whisper to him with a tender voice.

A few seconds later Kris is more relaxed and we are dancing more fluidly, following the rhythm and the melody. I can’t stop smiling while I look at my angel. He’s so beautiful, so ethereal, so perfect. I can see stars reflecting into his eyes, an entire galaxy in which I could lose myself, bewitched by its beauty.

We keep dancing along with the music, but the more we dance, the more I see a shadow coming back in Kris’ eyes, until he leaves my hands and takes two steps back.

“We can’t go on doing this, Bojan.”

“Why not? I don’t understand.”

“Because we can’t! You are a demon, and I’m an angel. We are not supposed to…mingle.”

“We are not mingling, ljubavi . This is a romantic date between two creatures who have feelings for each other.”

I grab the angel's hands and look him in the eyes.

“Kris, I'm not the monster Heaven teaches you to despise. You saw me, you got to know me.”

“You are still a demon, Bojan, no matter how you behave or what you do.”

“And so? What does it change between us?”

“I'm a freaking angel! We are supposed to fight each other, not…doing this, dancing alone like two teenagers in love!”

“Only because we are not human teenagers? Because we come from two different places? Because others tell us that we should hate each other?” I clutch his hands between mine. “You know me,” I repeat. It’s the truth, we have been seeing each other for some months now. I bring one of his hands on my chest, right over my heart. “This heart is yours, ljubavi , and no one else’s.”

“Bojan, this is wrong .”

“Kris, I love you. What's wrong with that?” I feel my heart sink into my chest. “You…don't love me?”

“No, Bojan. I don’t love you. Let’s stop pretending.”

My heart stops beating in that exact moment and I feel my head spin. The ground under my feet is crumbling. I’m falling even if I’m right in front of Kris, my angel. I struggle breathing.

“I-I’m not pretending.”

“Don’t lie, Bojan. You are a demon, all demons do is lie. You know who and what I am, you saw weakness in me because I didn’t kill you that day. You are corrupting me because you want me to lose my wings!”

“I know you are an angel and nothing else! I-I don't want you to lose your wings!” There’s panic in my voice, and maybe it’s showing on my face too. “I’m not lying!”

“You want to bring me to the path of perdition! You want me to fall, just like Lucifer.”

I let Kris' hands go and recoil, stuttering. My heart is clenched, it can’t beat.

“I-I’m not, Kris. I-I don’t want to-”

“Stop lying!” He shouts and his eyes begin shining out of celestial power. “You are a filthy demon. You don’t change, you just want to destroy us.”

I recoil again, scared, I even fall on the ground. I stand up then turn and run away as fast as I can. Tears sting my eyes violently, they want to come out and a few seconds later they manage to do so. My makeup is for sure ruined and dripping down my face.

I feel like an idiot. I hoped that Kris would be different, but what was I thinking? He's an angel, those creatures are heartless killers when it comes to demons like me. Their hatred for us is blind, almost innate. I just got another proof.

Nace and Jure were right. Angels and demons are not meant to be together. Then why did I, a demon, fall in love with an angel? If we are supposed to be mortal enemies, then why was I destined to lose my reason for a celestial creature that would slaughter me just because I am what I am? Just why? Will I ever get an answer?

I’ve been locked in my room in a building in Hell for…who knows how much time. I don’t want to see anyone, neither Nace nor Jure. I keep crying, stopping the tears coming out of my eyes is difficult, or dare I say even impossible. My heart is shattered.

Why are demons born with such intense feelings? Why can’t we control them like angels do? Or are we cursed to be dominated by our emotions exactly because angels don’t have them?They teach us that the universe needs balance, so if angels can’t feel, someone else must feel double the time.

I wrap my body with my arms, trying to look smaller. My tail is out, wrapped around my leg. It’s a pathetic endeavour to not feel so alone and abandoned.

I wince when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I open my eyes and see Nace sitting by my side. He’s visibly worried.

“Bojči, what happened?”

I sob. “Y-you were right about him. He-he’s a heartless angel, just like anyone else of them,” I stutter, my voice is trembling.

Nace lays on my bed, facing me, then pulls me over to hug me. I plant my face against his chest. I feel his hand running up and down my back.

“Not every angel is heartless.”

“He is, Nace!” I shout, utter despair in my voice. “He is! I showed him my love and he accused me of trying to corrupt him! I-I gave him my whole heart and he laughed at me, he stabbed it with his ice dagger and killed me-” I stop. I can still hear his words in my mind. “H-He called me a filthy demon, Nace. After all I did for him and showed him, I-I’m still a filthy demon to him.”

My friend says nothing, he just stays there and cuddles me, attempting to make me feel a little bit better.

And since that day I kind of started feeling better. Well, it’s more of a euphemism. Let’s say that I was barely surviving. I came back to my chores as a demon, but now I don’t smile anymore, or very little. I’m quiet. I prefer to stay alone than in the middle of a crowd. With me I have a small notebook in which I write my thoughts, ideas, feelings, and also lyrics. I can’t be a singer in the human world, but no one can stop me from writing what I feel, what I experience.

This is how I wrote a song about my angel and how I fell in love with him. It has a stupid name too. I can write good songs, but I’m not able to name them. I will find a better one, one day. Hopefully.

“What are you writing in that notebook?” Asks Jure while sitting next to me.

We are in the human world, more precisely in a park. We needed some fresh air and some sunlight.

“It’s nothing…” I answer.

Jure leans forward to read. “Is this about him?”

I nod. There’s no one else in my mind. I don’t like his presence, he’s haunting me, my mind is working against me.

“It’s really intense,” Jure whispers. “Do you really love him?”

I nod again. “I know I’m a stupid demon. I should move on, forget him, but I can’t. He doesn’t love me back, he said it,” I sigh. “I’m just hoping to forget him as soon as possible. Maybe writing this stuff will help me process this stupid feeling.”

“Love isn’t stupid!”

“My love is absolutely stupid. An angel, Jurček! I’m a freaking demon and I fell in love with an angel.”

“You are not the first one.”

“Yeah, and how many of them survived? Are they here to tell their love story? No, Jurček, because angels killed them. I’m lucky I’m still alive.”

Jure pushes me with his shoulder. “Don’t lose hope, Bojči. There’s always time to change.”

I look at him. I don’t believe his words. Months have passed since my last moment with my angel, his shiny eyes are still impressed in my mind. He was about to kill me that night.

No, he won’t change. Kris is an angel, full stop. He’s born to despise demons like me. I just need to accept that, but it will take time.

Is this despair that is guiding my actions? Possibly. Will I regret my decisions? Almost certainly. But if I can’t be with my angel, then I’d rather be dead, maybe slaughtered by him directly. That would be pretty ironic, wouldn’t it? A demon executed by the angel he’s fallen in love with. There’s poetry behind all of this. Maybe demons will use me as an example to the younglings to warn them to not fall in love with angels if they want to live.

I tried to forget him, move on, but every time I close my eyes, I see him. He's haunting me. And with him also the lyrics of the song I wrote for him.

I’m in the middle of an abandoned industrial area. I prepared an amplifier with a microphone and a computer. I recorded some music for my song and I will perform it for the first (and last) time here, hoping that my angel is listening to me and will come to…I don’t know, to do anything. I’m ready for whatever he will decide to do to me. Included death.

I test the volume and the music. Everything sounds good, so I play the music and I start singing, looking directly at the sky.

“ Stolicu primakni, ruku mi dotakni, noćas ti si moja muza, ja u ritmu tvoga bluza ću da plešem bez prestanka .”

Nothing. The sky is blue, there’s not a single cloud, not a single sign of feathered wings. I continue singing.

“ Soba nam je mala. Ja ko pijana budala, a ni čaše nisam popio. Ja mislim da sam se zaljubio u tebe. Baš ja, koji nisam verovao da za nekim biću lud. Za tebe, kao u pesmama i filmovima ljubavnim, staviću zvuk .”

Still nothing. But I won’t lose hope, I will keep singing for him. He will show up, eventually. I just need a sign, Kris, please, I’m begging you.

“ Samo se okreni, baci pogled prema meni. Preći će tišina sama kilometre među nama dok jednom srce otkuca .”

Now it’s again time for the refrain. Some tears started running down my face, but I continue singing, I must, even if he won’t appear. I need to take these feelings out of my heart or it will explode. Maybe it will be my heart to kill me and not my angel.

I see something in the sky, then the clear sound of wings hits me. I lower my eyes and I find Kris right in front of me. I see his three pairs of wings. A seraph, I should have guessed. Of course, I fell in love with one of the most powerful angels in the sky. When I do something, it’s always something big or I’m not happy with the result.

I kneel in front of him. Now I’ll sing the last part of my song.

“ Ne palite još svetla, još samo jedan tren da se nagledam lepote te. Ne palite još svetla. Ne prizivajte dan. Spasite me, smislite neki plan. Ako svane sunce, ostaću sam .”

The music stops. I’m looking at my angel, finally here for me. I’m breathing deeply, my heart is racing in my chest. My hand that’s holding the microphone is shaking. I’m afraid of what might happen, but at the same time I’m relieved.

“You came,” I whisper.

“You called.”

Silence falls again between us. Kris slowly approaches, his facial expression is cold, hiding every emotion. I have pure angelic power in front of me, a deadly machine trained to kill my kind, and I’m looking at him in adoration.

“You know I should kill you right now because you are on Earth and not in Hell, right?”

“Then do it. I won’t fight, I won’t run away. If I can’t be with you, I’d rather be dead.”

Kris averts his eyes and presses his lips together, then talks.

“You are an idiot, Bojan.”

“Yeah, I know, ljubavi . Love made me lose my mind in a way I didn’t think possible.”

“You said that in the song.”

I chuckle. “Maybe it’s just one of the many flaws that make us demons so imperfect in front of you angels. I was so unlucky to fall in love with you, but I don’t consider myself unlucky. I had the best moments of my life with you, I don’t want to change this for anything else in this world, not even a place in Heaven, if this means that I will lose my ability to love so strongly.”

I let the microphone fall on the ground and grab Kris’ sword, he has it in his hand, then I lay his sharp point right on my heart.

“You are here for this, no? Killing another impure soul that doesn’t follow the rules.”

Kris looks at me, finally. I smile, those eyes are so cold and so beautiful at the same time.

“Don’t make me do this, Bojan.”

“It’s ok, ljubavi . It’s ok. It’s…it’s your nature, you have been trained to do this your whole life.”

My voice trembles with emotions. Tears keep running down my face. No, I realise I’m not ready to die. I want to live, to be with him, but I know I can’t. It’s not allowed.

I feel the point of his sword pressed against my chest. In a few seconds it will reach my heart, and it will stop beating. I close my eyes.

But nothing happens. I’m still here, alive, breathing. I hear a metal sound against the ground, then two hands cup my face and I feel warm and soft lips pressed on mine.I open wide my eyes. Kris is kneeling on the ground in front of me and he’s kissing me.

I close my eyes again. I kiss him back, desperate to feel him, to make him feel my love through that act. I gently grab his wrists.

When we interrupt the kiss, I touch Kris’ forehead with mine. I keep my eyes closed, trying to process what just happened.

“Please, let it be real,” I whisper, without even realising it. “Please, please, let it be real.”

Kris chuckles. “It’s real, Bojan.”

I open my eyes and part a bit from him, just to look him in the eyes. “Real-real kind of way or…real-I’m-in-some-sort-of-Heaven-for-demons-because-I’m-dead kind of way?” I ask.

My angel gently strokes my cheeks, then leans forward to kiss me again.

“This kind of way, my little demon,” he whispers against my lips. I shiver thanks to that lovely nickname. I hate being called little because it reminds me of my lack of height, but I’d let Kris call me whatever he wants, just to hear his voice again and again.

“I’m your little demon, then?”

Kris nods while looking me in the eyes. He caresses my lower lip with his thumb. His touch is so gentle, shivers run down my spine again.

“What made you change your mind?”

“Your song. I had feelings for you, they developed pretty early, but I…wasn’t acknowledging their existence because I never had the chance to fall in love with someone.”

I jump on Kris to hug him, sending us both falling to the ground, so I end up on top of him. I burst out laughing.

“Well, now you have someone right here.”

My tail appears behind me and shakes in the air, showing my happiness. I kiss him on the cheek, then giggle when I see him blushing. A couple of tears run down my face, but this time they are out of pure and simple joy.

* * *

I've been a demon my whole life. I grew up fearing angels, but nothing could have prepared me for what fate had planned for me. I fell in love with Kris, an angel, a seraph. Our relationship began with the worst scenario possible, with him trying to kill me. And yeah, I might be dumb, because I fell in love with him in that moment, but now we are happy together. And I wouldn’t change a thing about us.

Heaven and Hell finally united thanks to the love between an angel and a demon.

#bojan's pov #bokris #bojan cvjetićanin #kris guštin #annies writes #my writing #joker out #joker out fanfic #baš ja koji nisam verovao da za nekim biću lud #love's the death of peace of mind

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three--rings · 1 year

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You should read Little Mushroom

Hey guys! As followers know, I've just finished reading this cnovel and I'm here to do a formal rec of it.

What is Little Mushroom?

It's a chinese danmei (BL) novel by the author Shisi, originally published online, now available in official English translation from Peach Flower House.

What's it about?

This is a post-apocalyptic dystopian sci-fi novel where the protagonist is a mushroom.

What??

Yeah, he's an actual mushroom. Most of the Earth is a wasteland of radiation and mutated monsters, which means things are WEIRD AS FUCK. He comes from a particularly weird and dangerous place, and somehow he achieves sentience. His spore (child? infant? egg?) is stolen by a human and he finds a dying human called An Ze so he takes this human's form and memories and becomes human-shaped and calls himself An Zhe. Then he goes seeking out more humans to find and save his spore.

Okay, and this is a romance? With a mushroom?

Yes. Though this is honestly one of the danmei I've read that is lightest on the romance. Really the star of the show is the world-building and questions about humanity and ethics.

Characters:

An Zhe: The most adorable mushroom ever. You will love him. Everyone loves him. He's just a little mushroom trying to navigate a weird human world without the humans discovering he's really a "monster."

Lu Feng: The Arbiter, a judge authorized to kill anyone on sight that he suspects of being contaminated with xenogenic (monster) genes. And he does, a lot. Seemingly cold and unfeeling, hated by many if not most of the human population because he, yanno, keeps killing people, even if it's necessary to protect what remains of humanity. He spares An Zhe, though.

Other characters: Well, most of them don't last long. It's a vicious world. There's a lot of death. There are some nice side characters towards the end, though.

Why should I read this?

Look, it's just a really great book, okay? It's a book about a fairly grim future for humanity, and the things humanity is forced to do to survive, and dystopian elements and the struggles that result. It's about big ethical questions and big existential questions about whether humanity deserves to live and what the point of struggling to survive is...whether there is any hope for humanity and whether there's any point to hope at all.

And it's all told through the POV of a mushroom. Come on!

For all that, it's not a dark novel. The first half in particular feels pretty light, mostly because of the POV, granted. It's really funny in a lot of parts, but the undertone, the background is always this fairly grim stuff. Really unique juxtaposition. The second half gets deeper and really digs into the existential questions. And yeah it made me cry towards the end.

Minor spoilers from here on

But it does have a happy ending for the main characters and the romance, and a hopeful if not entirely happy one for humanity as a whole.

The romance is fairly light on the ground in this. An Zhe is a mushroom and he doesn't really understand sex or romance or have much interest in it for most of the book, despite people constantly trying to GET him interested. Lu Feng is clearly in the background developing feelings, but An Zhe is oblivious and just worried about his mushroom concerns, yanno? Eventually there are feelings-realization and they end up together, but it's still doesn't feel like a traditional romance. I'd say it's very ace friendly even if there are hints of sexual off-screen stuff.

Other reasons to read it:

It's short for a cnovel, and it flies by. This was my main vacation reading that I took to the pool and it was perfect. And I FLEW through vol 2 in a couple of sittings.

It's got a very nice translation and you should support this lesser known novel getting an English publication from a publisher that isn't Seven Seas.

Where do I buy it?

Both physical volumes are available from Peach Flower House. Or you can get ebooks from various ebook sellers, including Amazon. (Right now Amazon also has the paperbacks, but when I was buying they didn't.)

More Info.

#little mushroom #xiao mogu #threerings' recs #danmei #cnovels #小蘑菇 #threerings recs books

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behaemoth · 5 months

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I love that bg3 put omeluum in the game bc of the role it plays when compared to the emperor. The emperor who at every single turn is playing some kind of manipulation, who is trying to constantly convince you there’s some hint of humanity in there, that he’s just a person like you trying to save the world from something terrible! Just like you! And all the lies he’s told he tooootally planned to tell you the truth when you were ready you just weren’t ready yet and actually every time youve caught him in a lie he was honest with you after!!!!!! Like that means there was no lie in the first place.

On the other hand you have omeluum who holds up no pretense to be anything other than a mindflayer. I don’t think it even particularly tells you it’s not like the other girls, it’s like yeah man, I eat brains, what can you do. It doesn’t do anything to try and convince you to trust it, it’s just relatively kind in the face of your situation & curious about how your head isn’t exploding into tentacles. And it has a cute little research station with a nerdy little bf in the underdark where they just want to study and learn stuff.

And when it came time to save omeluum I would have killed everyone on earth to do it but by that same point in game anytime the emperor had anything to say to me I was rolling my eyes and sighing so hard. Someone smarter could make this point better I’m just really glad they included a neutral to good mindflayer who doesn’t engage in any trickery to not be seen as exactly what it is

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #omeluum

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linkspooky · 1 year

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What are your thoughts on the Al ghuls?

My second favorite dysfunctional family (behind Slade Wilson, his ex-wife, his butler, his children and Terra which I collectively call the DeathFam). The Al Ghuls specifically Ra's Al Ghul and Talia are my favorite batman villains, sometimes anti-villain, and in Talia's case sometimes Anti-Hero (My Girl's got range.) Since you asked my thoughts I will try to give them as organized as possible but warning there are a lot.

1. On The League in General

The League, the Lazarus Pits, and the mythology surrounding them is one of the coolest parts of DC Lore in general. In my opinion the best portrayals of the league are when they are one hundred percent genuine about their ideals. One joke I like to make is that Poison Ivy and Ra's are both environmentalists, but unlike Poison Ivy R'as actually has a plan and resources. Ra's love for the world and his desire to save it is at the core of his character, and the reason he will not let himself die, or let go in any real way because his work is not done.

One aspect I do not like about the league is that they are supposed to be antagonists, but I wish Ra's plan was more developed than "kill a whole bunch of people so the resources can be split amongst the survivors." That's such a disagreeable plan Ra's point to make about how the whole planet is dying and nothing superheroes do is really fixing that problem is kind of lost. It's also as dumb as movie Thanos idea to snap and destroy half the life in the universe. If I were to tweak it, I would make Ra's agenda more in line of a communist revolution. That is get rid of the capitalistic systems that drive the destruction of earth's natural resources for endless production and profit. That change would make some of the leagues motivations and methods much more sympathetic.

The league would still be villains however, because even if in this tweaked versions their methods are understandable they're still a big huge cult. Which is an aspect that a lot of fans and sometimes comic writers seem to miss. In the microcosm (Ra's personal family) and the macrocosm (the whole league) the league is a cult centered entirely around Ra's ego, his ideals, his wishes. Even if you can sympathize with their ideas of revolution and go "Hey, that might work" the League is still going about it the wrong way because they constantly prey upon vulnerable minors and people on the edge of society and then raise them up into loyal pledges to a cause. A lot of real life fringe groups do this too. In this version the league recruits members because it's easier this way, which is in line with Ra's character. The whole conflict with Ra's is that he just will not let go of control, he talks about how he wants an heir to take over everything but that's never going to happen because he won't even let himself die. You could fix this too, take the league out of Ra's hands, reform it, and it could be a more genuine force for good. So yeah, my take is less the league isn't good because they assassinate politicians and have more revolutionary ideals, but rather the league is bad because they regularly groom minors.

2. Ra’s Al Ghul

Here is a comic panel of Daphne from Scooby Doo sword fighting Ra’s Al Ghul, mostly because I love it.

Ra’s is THE Batman villain for me. If the Joker represents Batman’s completely anti-thesis, then Ra’s is Bruce, all of his ideals, his nobility, taken to their most logical extreme. He’s the definition of the noble demon. If you want to ready story arcs that I think show off Ra’s at his best, there’s the “Tower of God” storyline where Ra’s finds all of Batman’s measures against the Justice League he prepared in case any of them turned evil and then decides to use them himself. Then there is “Injustice 2″ which is one of the better depictions of Ra’s where he is at his most genuine to his goal of environmentalism and even at points sits down at the table to talk with the superheroes in a more peaceful manor on how they could be doing better.

If the Tower of God storyline did not explain it to you, Ra’s reflects Bruce in good aspects and bad ones. The same relentless dedication that Bruce has to saving Gotham, Ra’s applies to the whole world. Ra’s also like other batman villains shows how a generally positive trait like Bruce’s insane levels of dedication can easily turn into a flaw. Bruce has no powers just his martial arts training, but just will not give up under any circumstances. Ra’s determination gets him into a horrible cycle of corrupting himself worse and worse over the years both due to overuse of the pits and also frustration at a world that refuses to change, and also shows in his inability to surrender power in any real way.

The way Ra’s treats his direct family, and the league as a whole is also a dark mirror to Batman and the Bat Family. Now, I don’t believe that Bruce is raising up hero sidekicks as child soldiers... Suspension of disbelief people! However, Ra’s genuinely does treat all of his children as tools for his agenda. As much as he has the capacity to love them, their needs and desires will always come second to his use for them. Ra’s is undeniably a groomer not in the sexual sense but in the sense he is using his position of power raising up and manipulating these minors to shape them into what he wants them to be.

Ra’s also represents Bruce’s paranoia and the times where he abuses his position as patriarch of a family to manipulate his kids lives. Ra’s is undeniably the one who holds the most power in the Al Ghul family, and he uses that imbalance in power entirely to his own ends. What he creates is a cycle of generational abuse that lasts all the way until Damian. Ra’s also represents Bruce’s sometimes toxic ideas of masculinity turned up to 11. My man is a 400 year old misogynist. He is obsessed with ideas like divine birthright, dynasty, legacy as shown by the way he once again treats his children. His oldest son is disqualified for being albino and therefore having a defect, Nyssa and Talia are disqualified for being born women. The fact that Bruce represents his ideal heir and he is a man with money and power the peak of what society considers is masculinity is you know, telling of his opinions towards gender. Bruce and Ra’s are both carriers of family legacies, who devote all of their money and power to their genuinely good goals, but Ra’s seems to believe that might makes right, the money, resources and bloodline he has makes him inherently better or even chosen. Which cycles into the reason why he will never let go of said power.

3. Talia Al Ghul

Talia is my favorite member of the family, she is also hardest to talk about because she suffers from two things number one being wildly different depending on the writer, and two orientalism. Now I won’t discuss this much not because I don’t think it’s important but because I’m not qualified to talk on such subjects and a practicer of the “stay in your own lane” philosophy. The orientalism in Talia’s character is undeniably there, and also a part of a pattern in DC where female brown mothers are regularly villainized to make their white fathers look better. I think Grant Morrison’s take on Talia is inherent dehumanizing of her and kind of reducing her to a plot object, and also a deviation from the original ideas her character was meant to represent. I think also Talia has a habit of being reduced to her relationships to the men in her life rather than her own person with you know thoughts and feelings. Women have those. The league also as a whole is orientalist as a concept there’s really no getting away from that.

Just as an example of how Talia and Damian’s relationship could be better depicted than it currently is in comics. There’s a storyline in the fourth season of Young Justice that I really like (even though I don’t like the cartoon that much) which explores the family dynamic between Cheshire, Roy and Lian. Cheshire attempted to stay with Roy to raise Lian for awhile, until she went back to the lifestyle and could not give it up. Her sister Artemis eventually goes after her and it’s revealed that Cheshire left Lian with Roy not because she chose being an assasin over her but Cheshire believes she is inherently bad and harmful person and has too much in common with her abusive father and if she is in that kid’s life she will only hurt them. It also ends on a hopeful note that if Cheshire puts the work in on becoming a more emotionally healthy version of herself she could return to that household.

Now that that disclaimer is out of the way (please don’t yell at me for this I love Talia. If you want to discuss it further please use my askbox, I don’t like it when people reblog my posts to argue with me.) The most interesting aspect of the Demon’s Head is the generational abuse storyline. There’s no two ways about it, Talia repeats the cycle with Damian. That’s what makes abuse generational. Once again the whole storyline from conception of Talia having a secret love child with Bruce is kind of orientalist but you have to work with the plotline you got. At least until somebody retcons it.

Now I am going to go on a long diatribe on how Talia repeating a cycle of abuse that starts with Ra’s does not make her an inherently bad person. This is where I am qualified to talk because I’ve done a lot of research into this subject! Talia grew up in a cult. Not only that she was the direct daughter of the cult’s leader. In the microcosm Ra’s family is what you would call a Narcisstic Family Structure: a family centered around one person’s individual needs where the other’s needs go underlooked. In the macrocosm it’s a goddamn cult.

People view members of cults as either stupid, or immoral for joining because they imagine it could never happen to them, but the way cults work is by preying on vulnerabilities every single person has.

No one joins a cult voluntarily; they are recruited into it. There is lack of informed consent. Everyone has vulnerabilities. Possible situational vulnerabilities include illness, the death of a loved one, breakup of an important relationship, loss of a job, or moving to another city, state or country. [x]

Haruki Murakami wrote a book named “Underground: The Tokyo Gas Attack and the Japanese Psyche.” It is a non-fiction book containing several interviews of victims in the aftermath of the Saren Gas Attacks. This is a real life event where the Aum Shinrikyo Cult convinced its members to release Saren gas in several subway trains. While the attack was viewed by society as an act of fringe extremists, the cult was made up of members who were educated people, doctors, lawyers, who were still somehow convinced this was a good idea.

The interviews highlight many intriguing aspects of the Japanese psyche. Work was a high, if not central, priority for most of the interviewees. Isolation, individualism, and lack of communication were also strong themes which were common throughout many accounts of the attacks. Many of the interviewees expressed disillusionment with the materialism in Japanese society and the sensationalistic media, as well as the inefficiency of the emergency response system in dealing with the attack.

The book also includes Murakami's personal essay on the attacks, "Blind Nightmare: Where Are We Japanese Going?" In this essay, he criticizes the failure of the Japanese to learn from the attacks, preferring to dismiss it as the extreme act by a group of lunatics rather than analyze the true causes and prevent similar events from occurring in the future.

I bring this up once again to reinforce the idea that anyone can be preyed upon by a cult, and Talia was literally born into that environment. Clts also operate with a specific method of cutting off their members from the outside world to cut off their ability to leave (BITE: Behavior Control, Information Control, Thought Control, Emotional Control). Talia grew up in an environment where most likely all her social interactions and her contact with the outside world was controlled by Ra’s and only Ra’s because in most versions her mother dies early in her life usually in some horrific way.

That’s not even getting to the kind of parent that Ra’s is. He is always a really outwardly loving parent to Talia, but that love comes with a big huge asterisk. Ra’s loves his children until they either have a defect, or they decide to be someone other than what he wants them to be, at which point he either cuts them off, or relies on emotional manipulation to regain control. Talia’s only parental figure was both extremely loving, but made it clear that love was conditional. Even if Talia tries to live up to Ra’s expectations of her and be what he wants her to be, she’s immediately disqualified from actually taking on the mantle she was groomed for her entire life by being a woman. Even the original concept of Talia’s character who is much more anti-hero than anti-villain chooses her father over Bruce at times because Ra’s conditional love is what she knows, whereas Bruce’s love for her is something she does not understand fully even if she desires it.

I’m going to bring up my favorite comic book character Terra here. Terra was also a character who her creators have said several disrespectful things about and she was not created by the best of intentions. However, Terra is a unique character because she is one of the few grooming and CSA victims who is allowed to be downright unlikable, to show her trauma in what are considered to be traditionally bad ways. She’s a character with flaws and agency and stuff. Terra represents a specific kind of fifteen year old kid who usually does not get help and adults believe is a lost cause. Characters who carry Terra’s trauma either magically get over it, or they are just reduced to weak, pitiful shells. I’d rather have Terra be the mess she is than either of those things. It’s honest to a reality that certain people face, and also shows victims who would not normally get sympathy.

I just went to great length to establish the horror of Talia’s upbringings so she’d undeniably be affected by it. I won’t even mention what kind of mother Talia is because wildly depends on the author, but the decision to raise Damian in that cult rather than try to leave is her perpetuating the cycle. This is something that happens in real life too, parents who are preyed upon by cults will either drag their kids into it, or raise them up in that same life when they are young and vulnerable. It’s undeniably something she did to Damian and deserves to be called out on.

If Talia shares Ra’s nobility and idealism she also reflects his bad qualities as well, his belief in special people, of causes that succeed individuals, of noble purposes. Especially since these are toxic ideas that Ra’s has essentially forced onto her. I don’t even think Talia is past the point of redemption or incapable of learning to be a better mother, because while abuse is a chain it’s also a chain that can be broken.

4. Damian Wayne / Al-Ghul

To begin with I don’t think Bruce is a good parent to Damian, and Talia is a bad one. They both kind of fail Damian in equal and totally different ways. I don’t believe Robin is a child soldier, but right away making Damian Robin is kind of a mistake because Bruce makes him Robin to try to fix some perceived flaw from being raised by the League, when really Damian is more or less just a ten year old kid reacting how any ten year old kid would if they were groomed their entire life and had that kind of destiny practically forced upon them.

The difference between Talia and Damian is of course, Damian got out of there which gives him a unique opportunity that Talia didn’t to make connections outside of the League and to the outside world and therefore learn to think in different ways then how he was raised to think. Damian represents the chance to break the cycle of generational abuse passed down from grandfather, to mother, to son.

Because like I said Damian reserves the right to call out his mother for not choosing to put him first, but at the same time Damian undeniably loves his mother. Even in the storylines where they have a strained relationship at best Damian is fiercely loyal to her because essentially Damian and Talia want the same thing which is to have a loving family of their own, and to be their own people outside of their usefulness to other people (cough, cough, Ra’s).

Damian’s character arc tends to repeat a lot but there are more modern storylines that are pushing Damian in this direction where his goal is a reconciliation of the past and to be able to move on with a healthier version of their relationship. Ra’s getting shot in the head helped a whole lot.

Damian represents a chance to break the cycle for both himself and his mom, because like I said Talia isn’t an inherently bad person, or a bad parent, she just like anybody else has an opportunity to grow and develop as a person especially if one day she gets to finally move on from the league. People can be influenced by circumstances, but also circumstances change and in better environments people have a chance to do better. Damian isn’t obligated to forgive either parent for the ways they’ve failed him but at the same time he clearly wants a connection with both of his parents, and is willing to work with them on it.

It is funny how Damian typically gets portrayed as the edgy Robin, because in my mind he’s actually one of the most normal ones. He acts like a thirteen year old boy, with the needs of a thirteen year old boy, he desires a normal life outside of capes and costumes. He just has been told he’s the chosen one all his life and that’s had an effect on the way he views the world. Damian has every chance to break the chain that Ra’s started though, and that’s probably where the comics should go if they didn’t repeat the same plotline with him like nine million times.

#league of assassins #league of shadows #batman #ra's al ghul #talia al ghul #damian wayne #al ghul family #demon's head #dc #dc comics #dc comics meta

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igotanidea · 2 years

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Workaholic insomniacs : Matt Murdock x reader

request by @pinksirensong: 132 from the "Choose for me - prompt list" with Matt Murdock

132 was "I haven't slept in four days." It did not indicate which one of them :D

***

I think I might be dying. I am tired to the point where I can’t even close my eyes and get some rest, my mind is racing and I’m suffering with too much thoughts causing my head to drift dangerously to the brink of explosion. Life and job has been too much lately. Of course I knew getting a job in Hell’s kitchen would be … well, literal hell. Sure, I was aware that being a detective who loves one’s job is not exactly a piece of cake. I suppose I just did not see this much coming on me.

At this point, as we run an investigation I work almost 24/7. I haven’t slept in four daysand it slowly starting to show. The fact that someone constantly wants something from me so I can’t finish anything does not help. It’s nearly midnight and my team is still burning the midnight oil, our effectiveness inversely proportional to the efforts. Seems like the more we try the less we get. Did I mention my head hurts?

“I need air” I mutter to the operation chef, agent Nadeem “just five minutes of it”

“Go, agent. Take a break, we all could use it” he mutters

“Was that an irony, Nadeem?”

“Sorry. I guess I became a bit grumpy because of this case”

“Yeah, didn’t we all. I’ll be right back I promise and then you can go get some distance.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so” he shook his head “you know me, not going anywhere until I’m done.”

“I know, but your wife will kill me If I let you keep tormenting yourself this way. So no sir, you are next in turn.”

“Women” she rolls eyes.

“You men would be truly lost without us” I smirk and walk out the room with cameras tracing my every step. Being the only girl on the team can be hard sometimes. They have tendencies to undermine your skills and abilities, treat you like a porcelain doll even if you would take down most of them and sometimes make some inappropriate jokes. Good thing our supervisor is a woman. That make them halt a bit. Oh, and I am extremely good agent. Otherwise, I would not be put on this case at all. Besides, there are also benefits. You get your own room while they camp together, you can eat as much food as you want without being judged and you get to understand how the brain of a man works. Or at least get a closer look. I mean, all of this agents are my friends, and even if we banter and fight sometimes we would give life for each other. Especially agent Dex, the sniper, the first one on the defense line. He actually saved my life once and that is kind of debt I could never fully repay. Lately he has been acting strange but I won’t interfere with whatever business he has going on. If he want to talk, he knows where to find me.

Because of all the security and buffers It takes almost fifteen minutes to get out of the building, each second longer than the previous one. The latest rate of suicide victims had raised significantly and therefore the access to windows on the highest floors are limited. Unfortunately, FBI are always located high. Ironically the key figures claim it’s for security. Waving my pass in front of the bouncer’s eyes I finally reach the revolving door and leave the dirty and suffocating space behind me.

The cold, autumn air of hell’s kitchen instantly make me clench the coat tighter around my shoulders and I shiver a bit. I love my city, seemingly empty at this hour, but under the surface still pulsing with life. Driving cars and sounds of carriages, few people walking the streets and occasional shutting makes it all so real. It’s good to come down on earth and sense the surroundings after hours and hours of keeping your head in the documents. Yes, the world is full of violence, unfairness and all those negativity that comes from being human. On the other side, however you can always get hope upon looking at the rising sun or listening to the wind rustling in the wind.

I wasn’t always like that. I use to march through the world like it was a war zone. Straight from point A to point B. Absolutely focused on saving time and getting all my tasks done. Surrounding? Ain’t nobody got time for that. I was an agent and we don’t really have time to devour the singing birds or other stuff like that.

It changed when I met a man, who has all his senses, except one, sharpened like a new-bought pencil. He made me stop and wonder about the sounds, the smells, the feelings. It was something utterly new, like opening eyes to the world after a long dreamless sleep. And it ended up with me in a hospital, seriously hurt during field operation because I got distracted. Yes, Matt Murdock had and still has a lot of negative impact on my life. And our relationship is complicated and damaged in hundreds different ways, but we just can’t be without each other.

“Agent”

“No.” I turn around and spot a red-dressed silhouette in a dark alley. “No!” I repeat firmly shaking my head.

“You don’t even….”

“I’m not giving you anything, Devil”

“Oh, come on, please” he pleads with this tone that in other circumstances would make me give up just because of a single word and give him anything.... Stop! Stop! You are at work, get yourself together, dirty thoughts aside. “I need some information.”

“Those are strictly confidential and you know it. I don’t need any trouble besides those I already have” I pointed at him angrily.

“Come on honey, you know I can figure it out faster than the FBI. Just give me something to work with.”

“No.” I stand my ground “Drop it, Matt”

“Shh!” with one firm move he grabs my hand and pull me into the dark alley where no one could see us, his hand on my mouth “do you want to compromise my identity, sweetie?”

“You are a threat to yourself, so I don’t think there’s much I can do to make it worse” I mutter trying to yank free of his hold and failing spectacularly.

“Honey….” He mutters nuzzling my cheek “why can’t we get over with this. You know, because of this I haven’t slept in four days.”

“Well I know the feeling.”

“Wouldn’t it be lovely to spend some time together after closing the matter?” he pulls me closer

“Careful Murdock, I got a gun”

“Well, I got batons”

“You can’t win this conversation with me”

“Well, shall we try? I’m a lawyer.”

“Oh, well, I am a woman so don’t even try!”

“Karen would….”

“Oh, low blow! Now we’re done here.”

“Why?” he slightly moves back pouting,

“Karen, seriously? You know how I feel about you getting a civilian involved.”

“So it’s not about us anymore?”

“Look, you dumbass of a vigilante” I sigh “You have masochistic tendencies. And it’s fine. I’m used to it as long as you are doing it on your own responsibility. But I’m not going to help you with getting yourself hurt, all right? My conscience would not take it.”

“But….”

“No buts, Matt. Drop it.”

“Is than a command, agent?” his voice becomes dark and serous under this mask of his and this leaves me no choice.

“Yes, it’s a command” I pierce him with the coldest gaze I can produce on my face and even if he can’t see it, I know he felt the ice in my whole posture.

“Well, too bad I don’t listen to those. And you know you can’t do this without me!” he turns around and jump on the nearest set of stair disappearing into the night. Damn him!

***

“did you come up with something substantial on your visit to the outside world?” Nadeem asks seeing me back, coattails running loose, hands in pockets uncharacteristically angry “What happened?”

“Nothing” I snap but his admonitory gaze put me back in my place “sorry. Just some relationship trouble”

“Oh, I can surely relate to that.”

“I know, but that’s no excuse. I’m sorry. But, on the bright side I actually think I may have an idea and a trail that is worth checking.”

“Do tell” Nadeem fixes his gaze on me in anticipation for any detail that can help the team and for the first time I notice the tiredness and weariness on his face alongside with a few grey hair in his dark shag.

“You know, there was this little thing in the files. A symbol” I flick through the documents “here it is, see” I point to the almost invisible pictogram of a blue spade on the building in the background of the photo. “I know where I saw it.”

***

“FBI! Everyone on the ground!” the force team kick the door down and barge into the mansion with me and Nadeem close on their feet. I guess I was right since we have four of our suspects lying on the floor with their hands handcuffed. Mission completed.

“Good job, agent” Nadeem puts a hand on my shoulder as a token of congratulations “I bet this would get attention from the high level. Maybe you would get an investigation on your own.”

“Nah. I would decline that. You and I we make a good team, agent Nadeem, don’t you think.”

“You are a pain in my ass.” He smirks and in his case use of such words means he feels we do work well together.

“I’ve heard that many times before and I’m still here”

“Let’s head back. We have some interrogation to do. This is not over yet.”

“I’m more than happy to do so. And we were so lucky to get here first” I say to no one in particular.

“What do you mean?” Nadeem frowns at me

“Oh, no, nothing. It’s just… lately TV has been claiming that FBI and police are inept and Devil of Hell’s kitchen does all the job. Guess they were wrong.” I meanly stress out the last word noticing a single streak of red sneaking behind me.

***

“Did you have fun?” when I get back to my apartment Matt is already there

“By proving you wrong? By winning the race with the daredevil?” I tap my chin in consideration “Yes!” I grin in satisfaction “So much of it! And rumor has it I’m up for promotion”

“Good thing the Devil decided to left the matter in your hands”

“It is, right? A lot of luck. Or maybe rather a lot of competence and observational skills. Not to mention intelligence and fast thinking.”

“Well thank you” he chuckles

“I’m sorry Matt, but I was talking to my reflection in the mirror. Did not see you in there.”

“Talk about a low blow” he hiss in pain.

“where?” I move towards the couch perching on the edge

“Nowhere” he tries to move away but wince again.

“Matt,….”

“I’m sorry” he sighs closing his eyes “I should have never doubted you”

“You shouldn’t have” I agree “but it’s a habit, right? You do it every time you are on your vigilant shit.”

“I’m sorry”

“No, you know what it’s fine.” He looks at my direction a bit confused “you weren’t Matt., then. You were Daredevil. And I was not your girlfriend. I was an FBI agent. Two different lives, four different person.”

“Do you have any mental problems I should now about.”

“See, that was Matt.” I smile “what I mean is that in our… other life we are supposed to be enemies. After all you steal my job and I hate that. But all this spiting and fighting and teasing while we are both in suits are good. We get better don’t you think? Trying to prove something.”

“As twisted as that is you may be a bit right.”

“Well I mean I get better, you seem awfully savaged, more than usual. Losing your proficiency?”

“Is it an agent talking or my girl?”

“Your girl” I smile and he grabs my hand kissing my knuckles gently.

“Well, like I said before I haven’t slept in four days and that’s an effect.” I stay silent waiting for him to continue and after a while the words come “can you stay with me? I need you close to me.”

“Sure I can” I snuggle next to him, forgetting about the job, the stress and the fight some agent has with some vigilante. We’ll deal with that in the morning, now it’s just boyfriend and girlfriend making themselves cozy in a shared bed.

#matt murdock #matt murdock x you #daredevil #matt murdock x reader #daredevil x reader #matt murdock x y/n #daredevil netflix #daredevil x y/n #daredevil x you #matt murdock imagine #daredevil imagine #matt murdock one shot #daredevil one shot #mcu #marvel mcu #marvel cinematic universe #marvel imagines #marvel imagine #marvel one shot

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fuckingloginwall · 1 year

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✎ I Love My Selves

✴ Post-Standard Imposter AU ft. Your Self-Insert (or at least one of them)

—☵☵☰☰☰☵☵—

One second Teyvat was drooling for your death, the next you were the most beloved deity in the world.

Pretty hard to believe the latter given your first impression of this nightmare, one you'll never wake up from.

Said nightmare was constantly proclaiming it's love for you, right after trying to kill you . . . Yeah you've seen enough horror to know where this is going.

But all humans need to be loved.

You'll never turn to Teyvat for that, and nobody from Earth can fill in that role, nor will your trauma let you reassure yourself, so what do you do?

Practice self-love, but with extra steps.

—☵☵☰☰☰☵☵—

⌡ 🔏 Reader from Faraway, be on guard, Cults, Religious Themes, and Mentioned Execution, are features of these pages. ⌠

⌡ 🔏 Do come and tell me if there are any other details I have failed to alert thee of . . . ⌠

—☵☵☰☰☰☵☵—

The Crowning Of The True Creator, a seven-day-long festivity all of Teyvat was celebrating alongside the execution of the Imposter.

It was supposed to be a joyous occasion, one of prayer and salvation for Teyvat after daring to obey the Fake. One where you and your creations would forgive and forget, pushing aside the past and making way for a glorious future.

Or it was supposed to be.

Predictably, gods—or at least those human enough—never forgive and never forget something as wretched as witch hunts and attempted lynching.

You know this better than anyone else.

And as if that wasn't enough you were declared The Creator, the creator of a universe coded and drawn by the hands of a corporation you had no part in.

And all of this because of some funky gold blood in your veins? Bah! It was all bullshit!

You were no imposter and you were no creator, but because of your flesh and blood, nooobody believe you.

So all you could do was smile and nod. Smile and nod to the every word of these cultists, your captors.

It was during one song speaking of your alleged Infinity Powerful Abilities™️ that you couldn't help but wonder . . .

. . . that yeah, you have no powers, but what if you did? What's the harm in trying out?

During a heavenly break from the masses, in the privacy of your gilded cage, you poured all your focus into trying to create a special somebody. Somebody you did create.

And create you did.

There they were in front of you, your self-insert, made from your personality and your desires. Somebody you lived through.

And the best part is that they understood you, were bearable (maybe even better!), and you freaking enjoyed their presence, flaws be damned (or even welcomed)! even those you hated in yourself and everyone else

For the rest of the week you two were glued to the hip, conversing with one another and doing as you wished. Never mind the cultists you had to please and expectations to meet! You had a friend to be besties with!

For your Self-Insert it was a realization—to say the least—that they didn't exist before you brought them here. Their memories and stories, their world, those they knew, everything was just fiction you dreamt up. Once upon a time they weren't real!

But they were real now, and your the reason why.

And you were somebody who lovingly made them, lived the unreal reality alongisde them. Someone who handpicked each part of their every being and loved the gestalt for what it was.

Not the forgone past. Not the potential future. The current now.

You poured your soul into them, brought to them to life—

"—and the universe said 'I love you because you are love.'" Recited your creation to whoever it was they humored.

'And so too was the universe loved' they'd think to themselves, but Teyvat purged that certainty from you. Nevermind the past. Just as you had, they would lend the same love given to them. Love you held for them, and thus yourself. After all . . .

Those stupid Allogenes may have been your characters to play with once upon a time, but they were your real Vessel, one whose very being was a part of you, and nothing could change that . . .

Your self-proclaimed Acolytes would watch with envy. Was it shameful to hold such a grudge towards something tailormade, so trusted, so perfect for such a purpose?!?! Yes. Yes it was.

But how are the creations of a forgotten body ever to compare to an art piece, that of the current self?

—☵☵☰☰☰☵☵—

Comment below any "[they] would not fucking say [or do] that" moments you experienced while reading this one lol

A break away from my own Imposter AU.

Reader assumes that since they didn't actually participate in making Genshin Impact, only seemed to have Gold blood to make them stand out, and zero memories of any past life, that they weren't really special, just unlucky enough to be the product of the cult's obsessions but that wasn't the case lol.

So yeah, since you're stuck here, might as well make the most of it and see if you truly have powers to make and break

You have the power indeed! You use it to make your Self-Insert real and break the hearts of Teyvat once again!

Why have a cult that tried to kill you when you can have your Self-Insert with you instead?

You're SI's thoughts on you? obvs they have some love for you, but what kind of love that is, is up to you.

Also you consider your SI your only creation lmao

Anyways worldbuilding

The Crowning is an event every nation spends seven days celebrating, and The Creator attends the main event in a different nation each day. So for example, Day 1: Mondstadt, Day 2: Liyue, etc., etc..

Lots of fighting on what order the Creator's visits would go in. It's whatever you imagine.

For the most part Teyvat pray, sacrifices and gives offers to the Creator. Partakes in purification rituals to be cleansed of sin (cuz of the Imposter Hunt and Imposter being deemed the Creator) and spends the rest of the day celebrating the Creator's descent.

But the day the Creator is in the nation? It's all jubilation and sky-high celebration. That's when the celebration of the Nation peaks and everyone is trying to at least get a glance of the Creator. The next day they presume as scheduled afterwards.

Once reader's Self-Insert comes into being and is brought into public eye, word spreads fast, especially to the next nations the duo is to visit.

Opinions are split.

Because during the event, the Creator has personally created a being, somebody who takes up all their attention, giving less attention than before to their worshippers, favoring them just like that.

The nations before this are glad to have more acknowledgement from the Creator than the nations yet to be visited due to the SI's abscence.

Others are estatic that the Creator's newest creation is going to bless the nation with their pressence, and revere the Creation almost as much as The Creator. Others are salty that the Creator made their Creation after leaving their nation.

Some don't complain about the Creator's Creation. For one, Teyvat irreversibly hurt the Creator, and it makes sense for them to turn to another Creation they could actually trust. The favoritism was inevitable.

Or maybe they think something else.

#✎ my creations #✎ I Love My Selves #gicau #genshin impact cult au #reader insert #gender neutral reader #genshin imposter au #tw cults #tw religious themes #tw mentioned execution #tw obsessive behavior #sagau #DAMN YOU GUYS RLY LIKE THIS ONE /POS

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rebeccalouisaferguson · 11 months

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The sci-fi thriller series Silo has wrapped its first season on Apple TV, where it debuted as the No. 1 drama in the history of streamer. And boy, do we have questions.

Based on Hugh Howey’s trilogy of dystopian novels, Silo is the story of the last 10,000 people on Earth, whose mile-deep home protects them from the toxic and deadly world outside. However, no one knows when or why the silo was built, and any who try to find out face fatal consequences. Rebecca Ferguson (Mission Impossible franchise) stars as Juliette, an engineer who seeks answers about a loved one’s murder and tumbles onto a mystery that goes far deeper than she could have ever imagined, leading her to discover that if the lies don’t kill you, the truth will.

Ahead of the season finale, Deadline was granted an all-too-brief interview with Ferguson, who addressed the show’s arrival during the pandemic and what it was like to constantly run up and down those stairs.

DEADLINE An apocalyptic drama coming out during a pandemic. Did you wonder whether people would want want to watch a drama like this because of the hell they’ve already been through?

REBECCA FERGUSON It was so odd. Obviously I see the relationship to Covid. This might sound really weird. I love shooting this show so much. It is the biggest joy in my life. Just being able to go onto set, even if we were behind masks. I didn’t even make the parallel in my head until doing interviews. And I was like, ‘oh my God. Yeah, of course.’ How claustrophobic and weird, but no, in my head I was pushing forward with our story and just so happy we were able to shoot it. I wasn’t even thinking about the pandemic. And I also think it is quite important for us actors to not make the parallel to the world of the lockdown. The world that you are watching is our true reality, right? So there shouldn’t be a shock effect or a feeling of claustrophobia. It’s our world. It’s all we have seen for the last 200 something years.

When you began this project, did you want to know, or did you feel you needed to know what was on the outside of the silo before you began shooting?

FERGUSON If you’ve read the books by Hugh Howey, who is a very intelligent human being, it’s not just one answer. It’s a grander picture that gradually unravels. So yeah, of course I knew about it. I did all the research I could and read all the books. What I found interesting was how I loved the world in the silo. I love the world of not knowing and then gradually opening up the possibility of getting out. What does that do to our psyche? Not over why we’re locked in, but more about what’s out there?

What do you think about Showrunner/EP Graham Yost’s work, adapting these books for the small screen? It seems like a behemoth task.

FERGUSON I’m in awe. It is very tricky. I was a part of the process with the script. Graham has shared this story. It wasn’t anything I wanted to go out with, but it kind of falls into the category of your question. I didn’t love the first draft of one of the episodes when they offered the role to me. So I turned it down. We had an ongoing conversation about it. And I said, ‘no, thank you. I’m gonna move on, but these are my notes.’ And then I went, but I kept on coming back to the story. I kept on asking my agents, ‘have they cast it? Who have they offered it to? And, I dunno, I was so drawn to it. Then they came back and they had done a change. They had adapted all of my thoughts. And I realized how good they were at understanding narrative from my perspective as a female actress, as the lead of the show and what I was after. But also the drama, the tension, the things that it lacked from a visual point of view that I had felt in the book. I did nothing other than basically complain [she laughs] and said,’ I’m not feeling it.’ They went back to the drawing board and presented something else. I saw within one change how quickly they could adapt something into a visual spectacle. That is so difficult when you read a book because you think, how do we process this? How do we get all of this in? Do we make this guy a woman? How do we make it equal? And I got all the answers from just asking and hearing and seeing the changes they could do, just like that. Graham is phenomenal, along with the people he works with.

I feel like you burned a ton of calories on this show because you were always running. What was that set like?

FERGUSON I am so proud of this set. Number one, it’s a family. Everyone knows each other. There’s no hierarchy. Everyone loves each other and everyone wants to come back. And we’re acting on sets that are some of the biggest I’ve ever worked on. I mean, the silo, for various reasons is not a hundred and something floors like the silo is [in the show], but it’s enough for me to get really fucking tired running up and down.

Did it feel as claustrophobic making this show?

FERGUSON To be honest, and I don’t know if I should say this, but the sets are so huge that you can’t feel claustrophobic. The studio isn’t locked. It’s not a reality. We are outside. But what I did feel a couple of times was exhaustion. We worked so hard, all of us. And I remember being on set once, and I just felt tears coming. Like, I started choking up. I was in the helmet. It was one of the last sequences, and I was tired. I was really, really tired. And the focus puller looked at me and just went, ‘do you need to go out?’ I thought, no, no, I’m fine. I need to push through. Come on, let’s do this. And he looked at me and went, ‘no, we’re not running. We’re not doing anymore. Go out.’ And I walked out, took the helmet off, and I burst out crying. I think maybe it was a lack of sunlight or something, or I was tired or emotional. I don’t know what it was. But that’s the first time I realized, actually, what it does to a lot to us. We just forget when we’re inside because we love it. We love what we do. We’re all there. And it’s so nice to have someone who has your back and looks at you and goes, ‘you need air. You need some real air right now.’ Get outside, grab a coffee and come back.

Silo has already been picked up for a second season and is currently in production in the U.K. It is produced for Apple TV+ by AMC Studios. The series is executive produced by Yost, Howey and Ferguson, alongside Morten Tyldum (Defending Jacob, The Imitation Game) who also directed the first three episodes, Nina Jack, Fred Golan, Rémi Aubuchon and Ingrid Escajeda.

#rebecca ferguson #interview #silo apple tv #silo #wool #silo spoilers

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dialovers-translations · 1 year

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Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Azusa [VAMPIRE ENDING]

ー The scene starts in front of the Sakamaki Castle

*Rumble rumble*

Azusa: Why...Why do all the people I wish to protect disappear...!?

*Woosh*

Kanato: Che...How am I supposed to know!? It’s not my fault!!

*Woosh*

Azusa: ...I’ve had enough of it...! ...Stop getting in my way!!

*Woosh*

*Rumble rumble*

Kanato: ーー Uwah!?

ー Kanato collapses

Kanato: Ugh...

Azusa: ...Fufu. Hahaha. I’ve finally got you cornered...

Kanato: Kuh...

Azusa: Kanato-san...This is...the endーー

*Thud*

ー Azusa hears Ruki’s voice in the back of his mind

Ruki: ( ーー Don’t do it, Azusa! )

Azusa: ーー !?

...Ruki...?

( Where is his voice coming from...? As if it echoes directly inside my head... )

Ruki: ( ーー Cut it out. You’ve done more than enough. You don’t need to get any more blood on your hands. )

( Remember who you truly are, Azusa. You’ve always been a younger brother we could be proud of, aren’t you? )

Azusa: ...I am...to all of you...?

ー A flashback ensues

Yuma: Kou and I are really grateful to have ya in our lives, ya know.

Kou: Exactly! Thank you for always being there for us!

Azusa: ...Uu...

Ruki: ...Of course, I am thankful to you as well, Azusa.

Azusa: ...You too, Ruki...?

Ruki: Yes. ...While it’s true that there might be some things you can’t do anymore because of your arm.

And I realize this greatly bothers you as well.

However, you are still indespensable to me.

I rarely ever voice this out loud, but I count on you.

If you hadn’t been there for me as my little brother, I doubt I would have been able to make it this far.

Azusa: ...Ruki...

ー The flashback ends

Azusa: ...Ah...Aah...Right...I...

I don’t...actually want to do this, do I...?

It’s just...I wanted to keep everyone safe from any risk, that’s all...

Ruki: ( ...Yes, exactly. Remember everything that has happened up till now, Azusa. )

( Take a look at Eve. She is the one you want to protect more than anyone else, no? )

Azusa: Eve...? ...Yui-san...?

...Ah...

I...Hold could I do such a thing to her...ーー

ー Azusa falls to his knees

*Thud*

Kanato: Azusa!?

Azusa: Uu...I’m sorry...I’m so sorry.

Not just to Eve...But to you too, Kanato-san...I’m sorry...

...What have I done...?

Kanato: ...

Monologue

I was pushed away by Azusa-kun,

and after that...

What exactly happened to me, I wonder?

Everything faded to black, I’m not quite sure myself.

All I know is that I could constantly hear Azusa-kun’s sad cries,

echoing inside my head.

I have to go see him right now.

That desire welled up inside of me.

And then.

I wish I could tell him straight-up,

that everything will be just fine... ーー

ー Yui opens her eyes

Yui: Ugh...Nn...

Yuma: Oi! Are ya alright!?

Kou: M-neko-chan!? Thank god...You woke up.

Yui: ...Where is Azusa-kun...?

Kou: If you’re looking for Azusa-kun...He’s over there. But he hasn’t been acting like himself this whole time...

Yui: ( Azusa-kun is looking at the ground while crying...? )

( I have...to go to him. )

Ugh...

ー She slowly gets up

Yuma: Wait, are ya sure ya should be gettin’ up all so quickly!?

Yui: Y-Yeah...I’m fine.

You two take care of Ruki-kun, okay...?

ー She stumbles over to Azusa

Azusa: ...Hic...I’m so sorry...All of you...

Eve...Ruki...Kanato-san...Kino-san, you too...

I...What on earth have I gone...Uu...?

Kanato: ...Ah god, could you shut up already?

How many more times do I need to tell you? I don’t know how the others feel, but we’re good.

I’ll even forgive you for standing up to me and trying to kill me.

So could you stop crying already? It’s annoying.

Azusa: Uu...Uu...But...

Yui: ( ...Ugh... )

Azusa-kun...

Azusa: Eve...?

ー She embraces him

*Rustle*

Yui: Don’t worry, Azusa-kun. Everything...will be okay now.

Azusa: B-But...

Yui: ...It’s fine. I’ll forgive you in everyone’s place.

So please dry your tears? I’ll be with you forever...

Azusa: ...

...Yui-san...I’m sorry...I’m so sorry...

Monologue

ーー The fight came to an end.

Ultimately, with Kino-kun showing up,

both in in front of Kanato-san,

as well as the Kings from the other clans who came to witness the execution,

the situation at the Demon World calmed down.

It was all his fault.

As soon as the word about this spread,

Ruki-kun and the others were no longer framed as traitors.

I wonder why exactly,

Kino-kun decided to join hands with the Church to get rid of all Demons,

despite being a Vampire himself.

What we discovered while looking into him,

is that he was somehow related,

to Karlheinz-san.

I am sure that it must have been feelings of resentment,

from the fact that he was never acknowledged as his son,

which pushed Kino-kun to do all those things.

If perhaps Kino-kun,

also had someone he shared a strong bond with like the Mukami’s do,

then perhaps all of those horrible events which went down,

would have never happened at all.

Ruki-kun was somehow saved,

and was promoted,

to be Eden’s very own caretaker.

Azusa-kun and I,

are living here in Eden with the others.

ーー And then.

While I and his brothers were there to witness the event,

Azusa-kun once again gave up his own arm.

Because none other than himself,

wanted to do so.

ーー He shall keep his family safe with his heart.

It would appear,

that those words Ruki-kun spoke to him back then,

have been deeply engraved inside his memory.

ー The scene shifts to the hallway at Eden

Yui: ...

( ...We’ve been through so much. )

( I honestly didn’t think Azusa-kun would decide for himself that he no longer needs his left arm... )

( But...Azusa-kun finally understood. That there’s something he’s capable of. )

Ruki: ...Oi, what are you daydreaming about?

Yui: ...! Ah, my bad...

Yuma: God, you’re as much of a doofus as ever.

Kou: Oh come on, don’t be so harsh on her. We’re nervous as well.

Yuma: ...

Come on, you’re gonna hand this to him, won’t ya? Hold it already.

*Rustle*

Yui: ...Are you sure? We chose it all together, didn’t we...?

Kou: Of course?

You’re the one Azusa-kun loves the most, so I’m sure he’ll be even happier to receive it from you!

Yui: O-Okay...!

*Knock knock*

Yui: ーー Azusa-kun, I’m coming in, okay?

ー They enter his room

Yui: Azusa-kun, do you have a minute?

Azusa: S-Sure...?

...What’s wrong? You’re all here...

Yui: ...Well, actually...ーー

*Rustle*

Yui: Here, for you. It’s a present from all of us.

Azusa: Eh...?

Kou: We picked it out together. Come on, open it!

Yuma: There’s somethin’ really important inside, so don’t ya dare drop it, ‘kay?

Azusa: O-Okay...?

ー Azusa rips open the present

Azusa: ...Eh...?

...Hey. Is this...!?

Ruki: ...It’s a prosthetic arm made especially for you.

You’ve done so much for us up till now. ...So consider it our way to thank you.

Azusa: ...!

T...Thank you so much. But are you sure...I can have something so wonderful...?

Kou: Ahー God. How many times do we have to tell you? You don’t need to deserve everything in life.

Next time you say that, we might just take this present back, do you understand?

Azusa: ...Y-You can’t do that...

Yuma: Then go ahead and try puttin’ it on. It’d be a shame to leave it in its box forever, no?

Yui: Right. Try attaching it right away?

Azusa: Y-Yeah...!

*Rustle rustle*

On certain CGs, little black roses will appear on the screen. If you click on them, you get an extra line of dialogue.

“This time for sure, I’ll grow stronger so I can protect you...Eve, I love you.”

“You’re the only person, I won’t let anyone else have. You are my very own Eve...So I’ll never let go of this hand.”

Azusa: ...Ah...!

...Hey, look. Does it suit me?

Yui: ...Yeah. It’s a perfect fit, Azusa-kun.

Yuma: It doesn’t have any special powers or anythin’, but I’m sure ya prefer this one, don’t ya?

Azusa: Yeah...This is perfect.

After all, to me...It’s a wonderful present, which shows how deeply connected we all are, more than anything else ever could...

Thank you...Everyone. ...Thank you, Ruki.

To you in particular, Ruki...I can’t express my gratitude enough...

When I had lost all hope...I could hear your voice. That’s how I managed to snap back to my senses...

Ruki: Didn’t I tell you? You’re always there to save me.

That’s why...It only makes sense I’d also be there when my younger brother is in a pinch.

Azusa: ...Yeah.

I’ve got all of you protecting me...Looking after me, don’t I?

Yui: You do, Azusa-kun.

Azusa: Hey...Yui-san?

Yui: Hm...?

Azusa: No matter what happens...My love for you will never change...

But...I’m not as powerful as Kanato-san...and I don’t have any money either...

So even if you stay by my side...You won’t be able to wear pretty dresses, and I might not be able to treat you to delicious food either...

But will you stay by my side regardless...?

Yui: Fufu, of course I will.

I honestly could care less about pretty clothes or yummy food.

What is most important to me...is you, Azusa-kun.

Azusa: ...Thank you.

I promise to keep my mind strong... keep you and the others safe from here on out...

Azusa: So from here on out...Please remain by my side, okay? ...Nn.

ーー THE END ーー

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #azusa mukami #lost eden #diabolik lovers translation #leazusaending1

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hellsingmongrel · 1 year

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That sure was a fuckin’ JOURNEY

(Spoilers, AGAIN, for Trigun, Trimax, and Tristamp) Welp. I hyperfixated on the entirety of Trigun Maximum that I got through it in like a day combined of reading, and that was WILD. Actually had a headache from fixating so hard and from all the megasads, but now that I’ve seen the conclusion, I’m feeling a lot clearer in my brain.

What made me kind of cackle at the end was that Meryl and Milly. Became REPORTERS. People who complain about Meryl being a reporter in Stampede can just sit down. It’s canon. They just moved the timelines a bit. Also, HOLY SHIT was that the most “The Power of Love and Friendship” solution to the battle I’ve ever seen out of a magical girl anime! And honestly, it made SO MUCH FUCKING SENSE. Needle-noggin’s unending, exasperating pacifism actually did save the world! Who would have thought??? And I sure as Hell did not expect EARTH to still be functioning and sending out rescue ships!

NGL, though, there was a stretch where I legit was worried it wouldn’t have a happy ending AT ALL, and boy did that make me even more worried! It was SO DARK. So much death and horror and actual sexual assault (which is the one that I REALLY didn’t expect, and especially not with the character it involved, wow, :U) Nor did I expect Knives to come out of it on the other end actually going “...Wow, ok, yeah, I was a shit.” And for a while, there, it felt like a TOTALLY different story than it started off as!

Nightow did a good job of bringing it back around full circle at the end, and in such a way that yeah, Vash was having to be back on his bullshit all over again, but he didn’t have the weight of everything he was running from emotionally weighing him down like he had before, which made it seem so much nicer! Sure, he’ll have to deal with people getting hurt and killed, but it seems like he’s not going to be putting the blame for literally every little thing that happens on his own shoulders.

I gotta say, when it comes to Stampede, I’ve seen some people saying that the Knives we get in episode 11 is super out of character and he would NEVER do what he did, but man. I gotta say. After reading the entirety of the manga, I do not agree with that criticism. There was a time there when he SUPER tried to shut down any compassion he had for Vash, so I can totally see him trying to use him for his own goals. I’m still excited to see how they handle the rest of the story they’re telling with the new series and stand by my assertion that Stampede Vash should be wrapped up in blankets and given cocoa and lots and LOTS of therapy and hugs and cuddles and head pats and told everything’s going to be ok. But he seems like a much younger Vash, who you only saw a few times in Max, but who had the same sort of naivete. It’s an interesting reimagining for the boy, but it all still feels very much like our favorite donut-addicted doofus.

Also, I have mountains of Vashwood feels that I don’t have the current capacity to handle and will have to stew on for a while, because GOOD LORD that was one hell of a fucking ride in THAT regard, too. Meanwhile, literally his relationship with Meryl and Milly feels almost like the protective, constantly-worrying parent. I know Meryl and Vash is a huge ship, and that’s totally valid, I just do not see him feeling that way for her at all. o_O The part where she was bawling and he was kneeling down to talk on her level had HUGE “adult talking to an upset child” vibes for me and nope. It just reinforced the “This man looks like he’s barely old enough to drink, but he’s literally old enough to be everyone’s great, great, great grandparent!” He still lights up like a giant golden retriever puppydog when they show up, because he adores the fuck out of the insurance girls, holy shit! It just doesn’t seem romantic to me at.

All in all, I gotta say, when I was big into anime and manga, Hellsing was my top favorite and Trigun was my second favorite, solely based on the Trigun anime. But after the really unsatisfying way Hellsing ended for me, and after seeing the way Trigun Max was done, it absolutely blows Hellsing out of the number one spot for me. It’s just SO GOOD! I was seriously doing myself a major disservice, not reading it for so long! Not that I had much control over supply chain issues for very small rural towns with little access to foreign goods.

There’ve been rumors that Dark Horse is planning a special edition rerelease of the manga (same as they did for Hellsing a few years ago, apparently. That’s on my bucket list) and I will ABSOLUTELY be buying those if and when they do! GIB GIB! LEMME HAVE PHYSICAL COPIES! I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED!

#Trigun #Trigun Maximum #Trigun Stampede #I'm probably forgetting some things I wanted to say #but my brain is a literal pile of goo right now #so Fuck it.

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incarnateirony · 4 months

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MAAM. MAAM THATS NOT HOW THAT WORKS MAAM NOT EVEN IN MAGIC LAND MAAM. CHECK THE FUCKING CHEMICAL BALANCES IN YOUR WATER FOR THE CHANGES. ALSO YOU ONLY LEARNED ABOUT USING JERICHO BLOSSOMS FROM ME WHICH WAS PART OF MY WORK, THANKS FOR CATCHING UP AND TRYING TO BE A HORTICULTURIST AFTER ME TOO.

Cernunnos and the fuckin jericho blossom. [rubs temples]

You know this woman constantly talked about having a black thumb and killing plants? "I can't even keep a cactus alive." She didn't even want to be assed to water her grandmother's plants and she had like one potted vine thing that she let grow like a ragdoll until it'd start dying and water again. Second I got my own place I planted my own garden that she couldn't kill. I start a weed business. I start banging around in her brain and she's suddenly a big plant master with her holy water

fuck me running

You are being replaced.

Also "the jericho rose only behaves if" holy fuck. It's literally a plant. The plant, with its revival function, should work anywhere there is water, and a climate that won't develop mold or mildew/rot from oversaturation. You're fucking up if you can only make it "work" in one place off of your weird biases.

That's not magic Shea, that's incompetence.

Jericho blossoms have no native property that would make them affiliated with Cernunnos beyond you being too ignorant to find a more locally appropriate plant. Jericho Blossoms are from the other side of the fucking WORLD.

You didn't pick it because it's a Flower That Represents Cernunnos. You picked it because you learned what it was from me, and it was the Closest Associable Thing You Could Imagine for Cernunnos.

Anyway thanks for communicating things I couldn't dig out of your mind, like another way to jack your altar. Odds are your flower freaking the fuck out any time it's not being charged actively is me, so lmao ok. Sis it's all me. You literally signed your address to me, there ain't shit for warding you can do about it. I own that house, not you.

I need you to keep in mind you're the same dumb cunt that made the lemons and alkaline post, because you're too retarded to understand that plants need different levels of acid in their water. Or that Al-Qali started in alchemy like all these motherfucking processes as above so below you understand negative fucking zilch of. Yeah, KC region has chokingly high alkaline, what you're experiencing is you Put The Metaphorical Lemon In The Holy Water and now it's acidic enough for your plants to break down the native minerals in the city deposits as food and make a better biodome

Thanks for coming to my Ted Fucking Talk of "projects Shealyn has negative IQ points in but tries to mimic me on anyway"

What you're experiencing is your holy water is turning acidic. There's no pre-installed Make Plants Grow Just Cuz blessing included as a feature on holy water as a default, life itself is a complex art. Again, not something you can just wish vaguely at. Your holy water is turning acidic, Shealyn.

The plants you are describing, by and large, thrive in a 5-7 ph, depending, with about 6 as a sustainable average that most could do ok in. The regional tap water runs 8.5-9 or even higher depending on where you are, so without the acid, they get rootbound and that's why they dwarf. You were growing dwarfs. Your holy water is turning acidic and ironically, MY plants are thriving now, see how that works?

You are being replaced.

Even your holy water is adding to the breaking down of the minerals. As above, so below, bitch, you're being broken down. It's all acid and lemons in here, baby.

I REPEAT. YOU ARE EXPERIENCING YOUR HOLY WATER TURNING ACIDIC TO THE TUNE OF ALMOST HALF ITS PH VALUE. AT LEAST A THIRD. THE ACIDIC WATER IS FLUSHING THE SALTS FROM THE BODY OF THE EARTH THAT HAVE BOUND THE PLANT'S GROWTH AND ARE CORRODING THE MINERALS TO BECOME FOOD.

ME EAT YOU WHOLE.

GO AHEAD. GET AN AQUARIUM KIT. COMPARE YOUR LIKE SHOWER OR BATHROOM TAP WATER OR SOME AVERAGE NEW TAP WATER THAT HASNT BEEN FILTERED TO YOUR ALTAR WATER. IF YOU AREN'T LYING ABOUT THE PLANT CHANGES THEN THERE IS GOING TO BE A NOTICEABLE ACIDITY DIFFERENCE.

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collectorcookie · 1 month

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Oughfgshfh thinking of oz and figaro's development as characters. (Spoilers for uuuhh everything ozfi until ms2 i guess)

The way oz gets better while figaro gets worse. Figaro is the one who grew up with humans, he's supposed to have this having-emotions-and-morals thing down but he doesn't. His village dehumanized him for being a wizard. Yeah, he might have been revered as a god but that's also dehumanization. Serving others is the only way he knows how to love. Being needed is the only way for him to feel loved. And oz needed him. He needed him BAD.

The twins loved and cherished figaro because he was their first true connection to the outside world, outside of themselves, but they protected and taught figaro, they never needed him. So he never felt loved. But oz? Oz was a very high maintenance child, i imagine. And the twins were not really the best at raising people, figaro knows this from first hand experince. It's like the twins are the traumatised parents generation who pass that trauma onto their kids (except they are the first generation ever and the trauma is the cruel and endless world in face of semi immortality), figaro is like the eldest daughter who has to raise their sibling because the parents don't know shit, and oz is the high maintenance child everyone needs to pay attention to. And just. The way that it was figaro of all people who wanted oz dead because "but what if he becomes evil and try to conquer the world" but then when oz wanted exactly that, figaro was like "Do you need me to help you conquer the world? Can i help? Pls let me help" like i need to squash this dude like a bug.

And then. Arthur became a thing in their vaguely-family-shaped small community via oz finding arthur dying in a snow field. Originally, oz wanted to kill and eat arthur but then fifi was like "how about no. Keep him for a while. See how it feels" and that's because, unlike oz, fifi and the twins actually still lived in close proximity to humans, so fifi knows a thing or two about raising children. And fifi had to constantly look over oz so that oz doesn't accidentally kill arthur. Lo and behold, after tremendous effort and guidance from fifi and the twins, arthur grows up under oz! Oz develops emotions! For the first time in his 2000 years of life, oz can now have feelings!

Except arthur was taken back to the castle. And, as depressed as oz is about this, he doesn't try to bring arthur back, or even visit him. He knows arthur is a whole ass prince and that he loves humans and that humans need him, and there's nothing in this world humans are more terrified of than oz, so he just lets arthur go, much to his heartbreak.

AND FIFI. UGH. THE TALK BETWEEN OZ AND FIFI IN ANNIVERSAY 2 STORY. Where fifi asks him "why tf did you just let him go??? You liked him???" and oz retorts with "well why did you let faust go? Wasn't he your student? You liked him too?" and figaro is like "Don't even bring that up, you wouldn't understand, we might have both lived 2000 years on this earth but YOU have only had emotions for the last decade. You wouldn't understand" and oz just had to be like "....ok". IT HURTS IT LITERALLY HURTS SO BAD. FIFI CAN YOU STOP PUSHING OTHERS AWAY. OPEN UP TO PEOPLE SOMETIME DAMN. ALSO WHY JAB AT OZ LIKE THAT.

And then. God. Main story 2. The one where oz finally tells EVERONE that arthur is going to die. Where he, once cold and uncaring to the world, is experiencing fear for the first time in his life. Begging others for help, shaking. And most importantly he is opening up about his emotions to others about it too, like damn. All the other wizards like shylock and faust were like "oh wow that must be mad hard to talk about, thank you for trusting us. We will try our hardest to prevent arthur from dying". And that reminded faust of something. And guess what happens after that. Fucking faust drags figaro out of the room to ask figaro "did you actually ever tell anyone that you, too, are literally dying as of now?" and figaro answered "Lol. Lmao. No."

After that whole ass fucking speech in anniversary 2 where he's shaming oz, GUESS WHO SUCKS AT EMOTIONS NOW???? NONE OTHER THAN FIGARO FUKCNIGN GARCIA FOLKS.

And he goes on and on about how "i don't want my loved ones to look down on me" and "pity is the worst form of scorn there is" and he literally has zero consideration for his loved ones if he suddenly dies out of the blue. He has SUCH a stereotypical northern way of thinking where his pride is above all, even in death, and it makes me SICK, because he hated north country and he hated north culture and he literally migrated south because of that. BUT THEN HE GOES AND SAYS THE MOST STEREOTYPICAL NORTHERN ATTITUDE BULLSHIT LIKE OKAY MAN.

It hurts because oz is usually described as personification of the north but now he's loving, caring, scared, vulnerable, open.

And figaro is the one who is responsible for oz becoming like that but he himself never managed to develop human morals and emotions.

And also WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONLY FAUST KNOWS FIGARO IS DYING. THE HELL KINDA BURDEN IS THAT. THAT'S SO CRUEL.

Aughfhsj. Directly after this is a scene where akira asks oz "have you noticed that figaro is getting weaker?" And oz answers "well he is pretending to be a southern wizard, he is merely concealing his powers" LIKE NO ONE WILL KNOW HE IS DYING BECAUSE THEY ALL THINK HE IS HIDING HIS POWERS, NOT THAT HIS POWER IS ACTUALLY DECLINING. WORKING OUT PERFECTLY FOR YOUR LYING ASS, DOESN'T IT, MR. GARCIA.

Narrative of figaro is actively getting worse while oz is getting better hurts so bad, man.

#oz mahoyaku #figaro garcia

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felikatze · 1 year

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Adol Christin (Ys series): Adol is a guy obsessed with adventure and an uncanny knack for being in the right place at the wrong time. The Ys series follows his chronicles throughout the various lands of Fantasy Europe, as Adol fights gods, makes friends, and attempts to satisfy his endless wanderlust.

Why I like this dude: Insane little bumper car of a man. Don't let his silent protagonist tendencies fool you; this man is insane. Just a pure adrenaline junkie. Also vehemently aro. To me. He could never get a girlfriend (or a boyfriend, if Ys9 is anything to go by), because Adventure Comes First. His bff dogi has just learned to accept this. The way he just Lights Up at any hint of excitement in Ys9 is just adorable, man. Ignore how often I've reblogged art of him in a maid outfit.

Kanata Kanbara (Disciple of the Lich: Or How I Was Cursed by the Gods and Dropped Into the Abyss): Kanata has been chosen by the gods to be isekai'd. When he implies he'd rather continue on Earth with his cat, though, the gods retaliate by dropping him into Cocytus, the deepest and most dangerous dungeon of all, in order to turn his demise into a quick horror flick. He survives only through the help of the Lich Lunaere, who has no ulterior motives in training him beyond belief and just wants him to be prepared for how much more dangerous the outside world is than the abyss. yeah.

Why I like this dude: LNs can have a problem where they "run out of premise." When Kanata escapes the abyss halfway through volume 1, i was afraid. i was then incredibly delighted when it turns out Lunaere's training broke his damn brain. He's constantly afraid of something dangerous popping up because Lunaere trained him in the Demon Hell Dimension, and through sheer happenstance (i.e: the gods trying to kill him for his impudence), his fear keeps getting validated. He aquires both a student who he immediatly inflicts his new Lunaere-isms on (she is a normal person and terrified to leave), as well as a god-like homonculus daughter he has to be responsible for. It's fucking great. A polite young man who has undoubtedly broken under his circumstances but soldiers on anyway.

#Feli's Blorbo Brawl #ys series #disciple of the lich #CRIMSON KING ADOL CUZ I'M BIASED HELL YEAH #crimson king ily so much #aprilis decided adol should be goth and she was so true for that #who's excited for ys10 hell yeah

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inutaffy · 1 year

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🧍🧍🧍

im not sorry. im pulling up a chair and you will be stuck here for a millennia

SO. NUMBER 1. “do you know why you’re leader of this team?” “well uh yeah. bc i asked to be? u said it wasnt bc of my skills.” THIS RIGHT THE FUCK HERE. OKAY. BITCH.

LEO ALREADY HAD SO MANY DOUBTS ABT BEING LEADER MAN ITS AWFUL. LIKE. FUCK. and this isnt to say that leo is like confident in his abilities bc HE IS. HE REALLY IS HE KNOWS HE’S GOOD WHEN HE NEEDS TO BE but like that doesn’t immediately get rid of the feelings of inadequacy, ESPECIALLY after he got beat down by shredder in s2 and the earth got destroyed in s3

to him, he’s just leader bc he asked to be, nothing special abt it. its not bc he’s the smartest or the strongest or fastest. he just asked and splinter said lmao sure why not (LISTEN I KNOW THAT THAT WASNT REALLY SPLINTERS REASONING. leo was always gonna end up as leader bc he IS GOOD AT IT. he knows how to lead n he’s inspiring or whatever but he doesnt say this to leo until later) so to him there’s NOTHING STOPPING HIM FROM BEING REPLACED IF BE SCREWS UP ONE TO MANY TIMES. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? IT LITERALLY MAKES EVERYTHING MAKE SENSE. like the shift in how he views leadership after s1. how he CONSTANTLY sacrifices himself for the cause bc WHAT ELSE IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN THINGS SPIRAL OUT OF HIS CONTROL?? just. dude. i fucking hate this. he sacrifices himself at any minor inconvenience (not really but 😐) and i hate that it makes since. he is only leader bc he asked, there isnt some special skill keeping him in this position (THERE IS. the others would be soo screwed if he wasnt leader. they’d make it obviously but DAMN) so he’s easily replaceable, and if something goes wrong to the point where he needs to REALLY get his shit together and DO SOMETHING TO FIX IT, HE SACRIFICES HIMSELF. BC WHAT ELSE IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO. he does it when they had to destroy the technodrome, he does it when he goes to fight shredder alone, he does it when they needed to get that black hole generator piece from that one lady, and he does it when trying to destroy the triceraton mothership. its the worst thing in the whole fucking world

number 2. “i knew that one day you would grow up to be the leader of this team, and when I pass on to be like a father as well.” OUGH. this hurts me so much. this is damn near the center of a good chunk of raph and leo’s fighting. not ALL of it obviously bc they’ve got their own stuff to work out but this definitely plays a part bc above all he wants leo to be HIS BROTHER. not his dad. NEVER HIS DAD. leo IS NOT their fucking dad and when he tries to act all high and mighty it IRRITATES HIM. WHICH IS SO VALID BC WHY ARE YOU THE WAY THAT YOU ARE. STOP. SERIOUSLY. WHO ARE YOU. yk? like fuck. he doesnt want leo to parent them dammit. imagine your dad dies or something and then your older brother is trying to fill that gap instead of taking time to GREIVE

AND TBH. I DONT THINK SPLINTER MEANT IT LIKE THAT EITHER. splinter probably meant this in a “when i die i trust you to take care of this family and be there for each other and support each other” way. not in a SINGLE MOM WHO WORKS TWO JOBS WHO LOVES HER KIDS WND NEVER STOPS WITH GETNLE HANDS AND THE HEART OF A FIGHTER IM A SURVIVOR kinda way

this gets lost in translation tho bc leo totally takes this and runs in the opposite ducking direction for a while which just

NUMBER 3. AND THEN WHEN SPLINTER OFFERS HIM SOME ADVICE/WISDOM LEO JUST. HE CLOSES HIS EYES AND SHAKES HIS HEAD AND TELLS HIM THAT EVERYTHING IS FINE. YOU ARE FINE. BC HE NEEDS THIS TO BE TRUE LIKE. ISNT THAT JUST AWFUL? you watch your dad get killed in front of you, then you go back in time and save him, only for him TO STILL DIE. that is AWFUL MAN.

“i dont get it, you’re fine father. is there something your not telling me?”

I HATE EVERYTHING. leo is dodging EVERY hint that his dad could die soon, he refuses to even entertain the idea. like at all. and its so fuckinf sad bc he is clinging to this hope that no matter what everything will work out fine just like it did before, they’re going to come out on the other side bruised but whole, and it HURTS bc that is not what happens at all. splinter is still killed right in front of them and they carry his body away and bury him and that’s it. that’s fucking it and it’s TERRIBLE.

and its not just awful bc of that its awful bc splinter is trying so hard to prepare them for this, he knows he died once, and has come close numerous times, so its gotta stick eventually right? so the least he can do is make sure his family isnt without closure yk? he can make it so that he torn from them without any warning or goodbye, without something to remember him by, so he goes and he has a moment with each of them in this season before he gets killed and it hurts me so much bc he’s trying to gently prepare them and its just. ough. OUGH. can we just take these mfckers out of situations ffs

NUMBER 4. THIS SHIT.

HIS FUCKING FACE???? AS THEH WALK AWAY???????? KILL ME NOW PLEASE???????? he literally just wants his family to be ok and theh ARENT and it hurts me so. his brothers and dad look so fucking happy too but just. OUGH. the HORRORS man the horrors are coming

anyways. timestamp 3:25am. this is just my rambling from the first few minutes and these are all the scenes from the clip i tagged u in. we haven’t even gotten to splinters death or what leads up to it yet, things are deceptively calm rn and im so scared

GO TO BED

#its 130am for me 330 for you im trying to restrain myself from posting embarrassing things and ranting n raving about shameless and #and you should WE should sleep #literally this is more work and dedication ive ever seen you put into school #we need to get you on payroll for this #fucking tmnt quizzes and see how you do

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