I don’t understand why Kishimoto never added Kakashi having thoughts about Gai when he died in the pain assault. It’s like he doesn’t want his relationship with Gai to have depth but then adds all these interactions and feelings that show how much he means to Kakashi.

He thinks of his dead friends and family, he thinks of Konoha 11, but he doesn’t think about his longest and biggest support? Not even a passing thought?

Might Gai is Kakashi’s best friend and rival, he isn’t a nuisance to him and he doesn’t think he’s less than him. Their relationship has substance and evidence to show how much they care about one another, im sick of Kishimoto and his constant need to diminish it then prop it up and then diminish it again. How can he be so inconsistent with relationships and character writing??

Dear Baby Boomers...

"When you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression."

Older friends, come in! Sit down! I'm so glad you came.

Can I get you a water?

So listen. As your friendly neighborhood geriatric millennial, I need you to understand something. It's important, and it's going to hurt. But pain can be a sign of growth, and I want you to hear this from a friend. So know that this comes from a place of love.

So nu. I'm gonna ease into this by making sure we're on the same page with some ideas.

You know Bob Dylan's song, "The Times They Are A-Changin'," yeah? It might not have been THE anthem of your youth, but it's certainly one that's held up over time. It speaks to the ever-continuing cycle of change and the need for members of the previous generation (and those in power generally) to "get out of the [way] if you can't lend a hand."

Thing is, younger generations have been asking older generations to listen, to understand, and to help the culture progress since time immemorial. And older generations have traditionally pushed back. So your generation's experience of pushing your parents' generation into begrudging acceptance of civil rights, feminism, et al, isn't new.

But y'all came up with some great turns of phrase to express it. One of my favorites, technically coined by Jack Weinberg (5 years too old to be a Baby Boomer) was "Don't trust anyone over 30." It was an offhand phrase said in anger when Weinberg felt that the reporter interviewing him wasn't actually listening, but was instead looking for ulterior motives so that he could dismiss the message of his protest.

But the phrase stuck, and it was used not only as a rallying cry, but also as a talking point by older folks who wanted to dismiss the New Left as a bunch of whiny brats, rather than people we now know were on the right side of history regarding the war, police brutality, and so on.

So with that in mind, in the words of The Who, let's talk about MY generation, and the even younger generation just starting to come into their own.

You know how a few years ago, there were a whole lot of women in the #MeToo movement who were talking about their experiences with men and how they constantly feared sexual assault? And then you had a whole bunch of idiots coming on saying "Not all men!" because they weren't used to their demographic being the target of negative criticism? Yeah, they were idiots, and you knew it. Of course "not all men." But the MeToo movement wasn't about hating men. It was about hearing women and understanding their fears.

And by and large, you understood that. You were pretty solid on it. Good for you! No, seriously, I'm really proud of you for continuing the fight for feminism that you were on the front lines of back in your more enthusiastic years.

And you know how #BlackLivesMatter has been a thing for several years now, and how it's really a continuation of the Civil Rights movement that you grew up in? But of course, idiots tried to reframe the narrative by saying "All lives matter!" And you knew that that was just a smokescreen. Of course all lives matter, but once again black lives were being treated as if they don't matter. And the reason you recognized this was because was all familiar to you. It was the same scene you remember playing out on your 12" black-and-white screens decades ago, where protests erupted against an injustice (frequently assault or murder of an unarmed black man) and the resulting police violence shook the conscience of the country.

So you stood with BLM, or at the very least listened and acknowledged when it was explained to you. We appreciate it, truly. We do.

But here's the thing. You're not the only ones we were talking to. And a whole lot of the "all lives matter!" and "not all men!" crowd? They were from your generation. Now, not all of them, certainly. We definitely have our regressive stooges in Gen X and Millenial age groups. But let's be honest, a strong majority of the people raising a ruckus against "these kids today, with their PC woke brigade cancel culture" are members of the Baby Boom generation. And those who aren't? Well...they have the same kind of regressive attitude that comes from being the third generation out.

You know...like your parents and grandparents were when Dylan wrote his song. When your social circle embraced "Don't trust anyone over 30."

There's a frustration that comes from trying to explain something important to people who appear to not wish to listen to you, but are instead spending their time looking for reasons to discredit you, or make you feel inferior, or find any excuse to belittle you and the incredibly important message you're trying to express. When you get to that breaking point, you need a way to ripcord out of the conversation in a way that expresses not only that you're through pretending to maintain civil discourse, but also that you recognize that there was no intent for honest dialogue in the first place. You need a shorthand phrase for "You're a dishonest, condescending jerk who couldn't care less about doing the right thing or about the lives of anyone other than yourself. I am through wasting my time casting pearls before swine. Good day, sir! I SAID GOOD DAY!"

Weinberg felt it in his interview.

You've undoubtedly felt it yourself, countless times.

My generation feels it constantly. And we've come up with a pretty good phrase that encapsulates our frustration with those in power who've apparently forgotten the lessons of the past and are happy to sit in apathy in the middle of the road and never lend a hand.

And that phrase is "Okay, Boomer."

Oof. Yeah.

I know.

It stings. A lot.

And I can hear you screaming at me right now. "How dare you judge us based on our age! This is ageism, pure and simple! It's hate! Not all old people! All ages matter!"

Shhh, shhh, it's okay. You're in a safe space. We're friends. No one is judging you.

See, just like MeToo wasn't denigrating all men, and BLM wasn't saying that non-black lives didn't matter, the use of "Boomer" here is not about age. It's about the same progressive vs regressive divide you experienced when you were young, that was largely drawn along generational lines.

Not all Baby Boomers are "Okay, Boomers," and not all "Okay, Boomers" are Baby Boomers.

If you're with us on the issues, if you're supportive of people's self-identity and fight for equality, then it doesn't matter what age you are. You're gold.

But if you get told "Okay, Boomer," it's not about your age either. You've just been told that your approach to the conversation indicates to the speaker that you don't want to engage on the issues in an open and honest manner.

It means that you've probably hit a blind spot in your experience which is incredibly common and nothing to be ashamed of, but is also something that needs to be addressed.

It means you've upset the person talking to you, and they've given up trying to be reasonable with you.

It's not hate speech. It's not ageism.

It's a wake-up call. For the times, they are a-changin'.

Weinberg aged out of the demographic he framed in his statement 5 years after he made it. But from what I can find online, he continues to this day to fight the good fight. He was an anti-war activist and a union organizer before becoming a champion of environmental issues. He turned 81 earlier this year. A statistical tally in the Silent Generation, he was nonetheless clearly a member of a young Baby Boomer movement in their prime.

You can stick with us. Join your voice to ours like Weinberg joined his voice to your generation's. Like Martin Luther King (born 1929) did. Like Abbie Hoffman (1936), John Lewis (1940), Gloria Steinem (1934), Bertrand Russel (1872)...

There's plenty of room on the right side of history to be an older person that the young'uns can trust, a mentor we can talk to, someone who will actually *listen* to us and help us move the culture forward.

Or you can be someone who embodies the cause of the admonishment "Never trust anyone over 30."

But if you decide to do that, if you choose to close your ears to the pleas of the younger generation because they don't show you deference and respect? Then you're not a Baby Boomer, a phrase once used to dismiss your generation as youthful, idealistic, and unreasonable.

Then you're just an "Okay, Boomer."

Ghost of you - Part 5

Summary: When your answers doesn’t fill in the blanks properly, the only option is to move forward. A/N: Two in a row, ‘cause I’m nice like that. Thanks for those who left comments and likes, reblogged and gave me any kind of support. You’re amazing! I mentioned that this would be slow burn, right? Trigger Warnings: Violence, language, mentions of death… If you find others, let me know.

“And all the things that you never ever told me.”

My encounter with Fury left me felling scarred and open. I knew a name; I knew who I used to be. I knew things about me, but they felt so foreign, like they belonged to someone else. Maybe, because it did. I wasn’t Lara, but was I Ghost? Later that night, I was assaulted with the woman’s… no, Carol’s crash, Carol going away scenes once again. My head was an utterly turmoil.   It became obvious that my memory from Carol leaving, our brake-up, came after the accident and not in the sequence that Hydra played in my mind. Bastards. They led me to believe that I was useless. That all I was authorized to feel was void, emptiness. What did I feel, now? Besides this rage masquerade as fire, what was left to feel? What was permitted?

I looked at the door as soon as I heard the locks. Romanoff enters my accommodation and I get up, not too fast to not startle her. “Miss Romanoff, fancy seeing you here without bodyguards.” She glares at me. “Thought didn’t worth the effort to protect them.” She’s flashes me a tide smile. “It came to my attention that you’ve met Fury.” I nod. “So, how should I call you now?”  She takes two steps closer and leans at the table. “Lara? Or do you still prefer Ghost? I shrug “All of them makes me uneasy. None of them seem to fit.” “Hm. Maverick then.” “I never said that this one was good either.” “Well, we need to call you somehow.”  A grin is scaping her lips. “We?”  I blinked and she was looking at me from the door frame. “Come. I’m afraid that you’re starting to rust.”

Agent Romanoff didn’t want revenge, but she definitely wanted payback. And God, that woman is almost too fast for me to keep up. Almost. After being in my accommodation for so long, I was indeed a bit rusted. However, my muscles loved the exercise, and it did wonders to my brain. Fighting against such good opponent kept me focused on our spar. First time in days that I stop to think and overthink about my misery. Romanoff came with one of those Widow’s combos that I menage to dodge and block a few, but one kick reached my shoulder while her elbow found my temples.

All of a sudden, I’m standing in a bar. My mind’s eye was caught in something like a foggy screen and oh my, is this a memory? I had a drink in my hand while the other one was resting in a sling. I was feeling like shit, so much sorrow coursing through me, all I could… I feel a slap in my good shoulder. I look up to see a tall man offering me a pool cue. ‘Come, the winner gets free beers.’  I look at my drink while I say. ‘Thanks, I’m good. I’m not in the mood.’ He nudges me. What part of mood, he didn’t catch? He speaks. ‘Oh c’mon, Mav. Danvers’s accident is tragic and all, but c’mon… or are you just sad about your injured arm?’ Fire starts to spread throughout my chest. ‘Excuse me?’ He leans in the counter. ‘Look, all I’m saying is that you guys weren’t even friends, none of us were. She was too cocky. Guess Miss goody two shoes couldn’t even drive a car, let alone fly a jet.’ The fire was consuming, was bursting out of me until it reached its peak. Complete forgetting about the sling, my hand moved to the back of his head so, so fast. Next thing I knew, I was knocking his head in the counter. He looks up with his nose covered in blood. ‘Bitch!’ He charged at me. He knocked me down and my head hit the floor, but I needed to put this fire out, I wouldn’t stop now, I needed to vent my rage. I failed in protecting her from dying, but I sure won’t fail in protecting her memory from this scum. After exchanging punches and kicks, I held him in a chokehold. ‘Never, and I do mean never talk about her like this, Specht.’ I looked up to see an audience. ‘I’ll kill anyone of you who dares to speak of her.’ I let go of him and left the bar. When reality finds me again, the first thing to reach my ears is Romanoff’s voice. “Maverick, are you alright?” “Yeah, I’m good. Why?”  She scoffs. “I hit your head and then you stop fighting, kept looking nowhere, like in a trance.” “Oh. I… I’m sorry.” Her voice is softer when she speaks again. “What happened? Do you need me to call, Bruce or Dr. Cho?” “What? No, no. I’m fine. It’s just… I had a vision, I don’t know.” I rub my temples to ease the pain in my head. “I think that I saw a memory, after you hit me, in a moment I was here sparing with you and the next I was in a bar having a bar fight with a man.” “You were a fighter even before, huh?” She joked and I shrugged. “Are this visions or memories assaults a common thing?” I frown trying to make it simpler. “I’ve never had another memory except being left behind and the Crash in a loop. Guess I’m just confused. Do I need specific triggers to remember things or is this my brain fighting Hydra’s brainwashing?” She gives me a look that I can’t decipher. “I’m sorry all of this happened to you. Let us help you.” “Help? With what? Will you guys erase my memory again?” “How long will take for you to start to trust us? We won’t hurt you.” Trust? Her question caught me off guard. How can I trust, when I don’t know what trust is? “I want to believe in you but all that I know is Hydra. Guess I’m afraid of this being just smoke and mirrors.” Her brows were so furrowed that probably hurts. “It’s not. And I’m here to help.” I narrow my eyes at her “Why are you being nice to me?” I open my arms to show the sparing room “Bringing me here, offering help… I’m the enemy, Miss Romanoff.” She shakes her head. “No. You were a victim who were weaponized, yes. Nothing, but another casualty.” I’m still not convinced, and she knows. “Look, Fury trusts you and I trust Fury. Remember all those Hydra’s bases and facilities that you gave us?” I nodded. “We paid a visit to a few of them, the intel you gave us matched so far.” “Does this mean you’ll let me go?” I asked. “Do you really think that you would be safe out there?” Her green orbs are boring into mine. I sign, looking away. “Stark’s Tower is one of the safest buildings in this world.” “Then, what are we?” What am I, prisoner with benefits? A smirk makes its way to her lips. “The enemy of my enemy…”

 Surprisingly enough, Romanoff led me to the tower’s kitchen and offered me a sandwich for lunch. I’m a bit uneasy with this interaction, don’t know how to act, don’t know what to expect. I take my surroundings to mentally calculate an escape route, she knows the place, but I believe that I could fight with her if she tries to kill me with a butterknife. She doesn’t try to make small talk and I’m glad. To fight, survive and punishments are the only interactions that I’m used to. I don’t know how to function in a normal life, if that exists.

I recognize a newcomer, Captain America in all his glory. Romanoff puts a plate in front of me while speaks. “Hi, Cap. Joining us for lunch?” “What is she doing here, Natasha?” “Everything she told us matched so far, Fury trusts her. Since she’s helping us against Hydra, I’m willing to give her the benefit of doubt.” “If Black Widow is willing to trust you...” He offered his hand for me to shake. “I’m Steve Rogers. Captain America if you will.” I took his hand in mine. “It’s a pleasure, Sir. I’m… hm.” I let go of his hand, suddenly I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. “I don’t know how to introduce myself.” A humorless smile grace my lips. “Guess Hydra never taught me that part.” “I think we should call her by her call sign. Maverick.”  Widow supplies With a shrug, Rogers says. “It’s catchy. And if I called you Major, you’d outrank me.” He whispers the last part “I wouldn’t like that; Tony could use you against me.” The Redhead sitting next to me let out a heartly laugh which is soon joined by Rogers’s and I’m mesmerized. So, this is how people function in daily basis. I always wondered if being caged in a dark room waiting to be called for missions was only my reality or everyone’s. Guess that seeing them here, so relaxed having a meal in a wide kitchen with a meaningless conversation was answer enough. I’m amazed how light, how comfortable they seemed to be with each other. I wonder…

“Mav?” I’m brought out of my reverie by Romanoff’s voice. “Sorry, what?” “I said that your intel about anti-aircraft weapons were crucial to help us reach Hydra’s bases unscathed” Rogers says. “Didn’t thought they would have so many.” “As I told miss Romanoff before, everyone was paranoid. Even with all the guns, defenses, and secret locations. Nothing could ease their fear. Now I know that they were afraid of you.” I chewed a bit. “Have you guys closed all the ones I gave you, already?” “Not yet. We’re looking for something. So, we’re choosing our targets according with your intel and ours.” I looked at him. “What are you looking for?” This was a sensitive subject, if his subtle shift was any indication. He was uneasy to share this with me. Couldn’t blame him, though, I was still enemy. An acquaintance enemy, but still. “It’s a high-tech device. Extremely dangerous, especially in their hands.” I didn’t miss the way he chose the word ‘their’ indicating that I wasn’t part of ‘them’ and I appreciated the gesture. This device tough… “There is a lot of facilities build for experiments. Those were the ones always exchanging data, research, personnel…” I was deep in thought. “But there was this one in Sokovia. They were always asking for more subjects, or volunteers as they called.” I wet my lips. “I was ordered to be the stealthier that I could, my hole unit stayed there. I was the only one to come back.” I looked up to him.  “Have you guys tried that one, yet?” “Sokovia?” He repeated. “No, there’s little to none about Sokovia in our files. Isn’t an old building with ancient, abandoned equipment and vehicles?” “There’s nothing old and abandoned in Sokovia, mister Rogers.” I rest my fork in my empty plate. “On the contrary, they are the busiest. They’re just keeping an incredible low profile.” He turns to Romanoff. “Nat, contact the team. We’re going on a trip.” “Don’t forget your jacket.”

--------------- 

Apparently, Sokovia was a huge success with a very big H, because I was invited to a party, by Tony Stark himself. Now, my dilemma was increased, if I didn’t know how to act in a simple conversation. How do they expect me to function in a party, with their friends and a lot of them knows who I am. Plus, I’ve never been in a party. This is bound to be a disaster.

Yep. I was right. There was a crazy robot giving a speech about Avengers being nothing more than killers. Then, all hell broke loose. I’m fighting killer robots in a fancy party room. Without thinking, miss Hill handled me a gun. Guess that ‘the enemy of my enemy’ is really a thing around here. In the end, my metal arm did more damage. As soon as Thor’s hammer crashed the last robot, the party was over.

Bookworm.

SUMMARY: You’re lucky enough to meet your favorite Pro Hero Red Riot at your local libraries a few times and you slowly begin to pin after him but you’re not a fool- he’s a Pro Hero and you’re a simpleton civilian, nothing could ever happen- which is why you decide to go on a blind date. You’re stuck in a loud and noisy club, and Kirishima’s the last person you expect to see there, sliding into the stool that was once your date’s. 

PAIRING: ProHero!Kirishima Eijirou x fem!reader

THEME/GENRE: romance, pining? [ONE-SHOT]

TW: mentions of drugs, cursing and attempted physical and sexual assault.

Copyright © 2020-2021 by Veles.

A/N: I wrote this oneshot with this prompt! 

- “Hey,” A says, sliding over on the bar stools to get B’s attention. “Don’t drink that. I think your date’s trying to drug you.”

this is my first Kiri fanfic! lmk what you think! if you enjoyed, please leave a like, reblog, follow and/or comment! i really appreciate the support! fb is always welcomed ^^ 

as for my mha anonnie, i’ll start working on your request! afterwards i’ll be focusing on finishing the bonuses of model for me, then resume with ‘a letter to my love’! i also have a secret project coming up <33 

‘’In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.’’

You bite your lip in excitement as you flip through the pages of the book, feeling your heart soar at Mr. Darcy's words. However, your peaceful moment was quickly interrupted by a loud voice. You sigh in annoyance and strain your ears in a pitiful attempt to block out the bothersome voice, but it only gets louder.

 ''Where is it? Darn it...'' Slowly, you raise your gaze from the book. You spot a guy in the aisle in front of you, that you managed to see through the empty spots of the bookshelf and once you recognize the guy- you freeze.

It's Red Riot. One of the top Pro Heroes and your favorite Hero. He's the manliest hero in history! You make sure to inhale and exhale shakily before you pass out from shock. 

You pinch your arm to make sure you aren’t dreaming. Red Riot, a top Pro Hero, fussing in the same library as you?! A small sting of pain confirms your suspicions- it’s reality. 

If it wasn't for his red spiky hair and teeth, you wouldn't have recognized him. Slowly, you take a deep breath and walk into the aisle he's currently standing in. A smile breaks on your lips when you see him searching through several books, fussing and muttering under his breath. 

''H-Hey,'' your voice is low and you stutter more than you'd like, but it's loud enough for him to hear. He immediately raises his head and smiles brightly at you.

''Hi there!'' the toothy grin on his face makes your cheeks warm up.

''I, it looks like you're struggling with something. I don't work here but,'' your eyes dart to his outfit. He's wearing a black hoodie of Ground Zero and a pair of black sweatpants with red sneakers. It's simple but looks irresistibly good on him. You quickly avert your gaze.

 ''I thought you could use some help. Is there anything you're looking for?'' your grip on the book tightens. 

His face brightens- more than possible, you believe- and he nods.

''Thanks! Yeah, I'm looking for a book called Pride and Prejudice?'' your eyes widen. 

''Oh,'' you say. It's the book that you're holding. 

Kirishima seems like an eager reader- who are you to deny him the book? You've read it twice, it won't harm you to share it for once.

''Here you go,'' you raise the book with a smile. 

Kirishima raises an eyebrow. He doesn't accept the book and you cough awkwardly. You hadn't even mentioned which book it was.

''Oh! I'm sorry for not explaining earlier,'' you feel like an idiot as your face warms up. ''I had the last copy of Pride and Prejudice.'' The Pro Hero's face immediately lights up and he takes the copy in his hand. His finger brush against yours and the touch makes you slightly shiver. Not in disgust nor pleasure but...something else. Though short-lived, it’s a pleasant feeling that makes your heart speed up. 

You quickly retracted your hands with a strained smile. 

''Wow!" he stares at you and then at the book with awe. ''Thank you so much! That's so manly of you!'' your heart flutters at the compliment. ''Are you sure you don't want it?'' 

You're quick to shake your head with a polite smile. ''No, it's fine! I've already read that book two times...'' you laugh awkwardly and much to your surprise, Kirishima laughs with you. His laugh isn't forced and sounds like music to your ears- masculine but so cheerful that it makes your body relax.

''Okay then,'' he smiles toothily. ''Thanks um....,'' you quickly realize that he's asking for your name.

''Y/N!'' you make sure that your voice is clear and confident. ''I'm Y/N L/N. It's a pleasure to see you around, Mr. Red Riot,'' you cringe at the odd honorific but Kirishima smiles warmly.

''You can call me Kirishima,'' he walks past you and squeezes his hand on your shoulder.

''It's a pleasure to meet you, L/N! See you soon.'' he shoots you one last toothy grin before pulling up his hoodie and walking away from you.

You're speechless- you've just had a proper conversation with your favorite Pro Hero- and barely manage to wave in response. 

The next week, you were back at the library. You had been a bookworm since a child and while some found solace in friendship and social gatherings, you found peace and solace in books.

This time, you unconsciously made sure to not look like a homeless like you usually do- and wore a pair of skinny jeans, a loose t-shirt, and a pair of vans. 

A part of you said that it was in case you bumped into Kirishima again, but those were just silly fantasies. He was a busy Pro Hero, defending the citizens of Japan. What chances did you have of bumping into him again at the same library?

Turns out that you had every chance in the world since you spotted him slouched in a chair, a new book in his hands. You smile warmly at the sight of him. His red hair makes him even more noticeable but thankfully, the area he's in is pretty much empty so no one has noticed the Pro Hero.

''Hello, Kirishima,'' a smile plays on your lips as you look down at him.

He immediately perks up at your voice and quickly rises from the chair, greeting you with a lovely smile.

''Hey, L/N! I'm glad I caught you here. How are you doing?'' his voice is earnest and you fight back a blush. 

''I'm doing great, thank you. How are you doing, Kirishima?'' you sit down on the chair next to him and he quickly repeats your actions.

''I’m doing okay, but I feel better now that I’ve seen you,'' you can't help but stare at the faint blush that covers his cheeks. Did he blush because of you? Was he...flirting with you?

You giggle at the thought and smile at him with confidence.

''So, what did you think of the book?'' you inquire. You notice that his right foot is tapping the floor repeatedly- is he nervous?

''The book?'' he sounds confused for a couple of moments. ''Oh! I loved it! The writing was so alluring and I think it was quite romantic,'' he grins widely and you can't help but agree with him.

''I'm glad to hear that,'' you smile softly. ''Are you here for another book?''

Kirishima nods vigorously and you laugh quietly. He seems like an eager child.

The two of you engage in some relaxed chatting- exchanging some gentle touches and by the end of your conversation, both of you are blushing.

You continue to visit the library weekly and so does Kirishima. He's incredibly kind, respectful and such a gentleman, you can't help but develop a small crush on him.

It brings you immense joy when he asks you out on a date. It's nothing too fancy, he told you with a sheepish smile. The two of you would meet at a park and perhaps get some coffee.

You wait impatiently for the day of your date. And finally, you're starting to get dressed for your date when your phone rings with a message. The contents make you frown.

Kirishima: Good evening Y/N,

Kirishima: I'm so sorry, but I won't be able to make it for our date today. Some Pro Hero business came up.

Kirishima: I hope you can forgive me. Can we reschedule?

Your heart drops and all your insecurities begin to seep into your heart. A part of you wants to believe him- he's a Pro Hero, after all, his agenda must be pretty busy- but the insecure part of you suggests that he decided that he wasn't interested in you anymore.

You type out your reply with a heavy heart.

Y/N: It's okay, Kirishima

Y/N: Sure, let me know when.

Once you send the message, you immediately call your best friend. Your date being canceled has put you in a foul mood and your best friend always knows how to cheer you up.

                          ━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

''I think you should try going on a blind date, Y/N?’’

‘’You two aren't dating after all and I think you should still have your options open,'' your friend suggests but you frown. By the way, she phrases it, sounds like she's considering your romantic partner options as objects.

''Actually, I know just the guy!'' your friend exclaims. She drops her yogurt on the table and claps her hands together.

''You do?'' you ask absentmindedly, swirling your yogurt with a wooden spoon. Your eyes drift to the customers that are entering and leaving the yogurt shop.

''Trust me, you'll love him. He's extremely attractive, charming and I can guarantee that at least if you don't date, you'll have a great night,'' she winks and you laugh briefly. 

Maybe your friend was right. There was no reason why you should limit your options. 

You're a nobody, a mediocre citizen, the insecure part of you whispered. He's a famous Pro Hero. Did you expect a date with him? He’s way out of your league. 

The insecure thoughts make you swallow visibly and shove yogurt into your mouth in an attempt to distract yourself. 

Your friend's words lead you to your current situation- standing outside of a loud club. Clubs weren't particularly your favorite spot, but the guy had told you to meet him there. He said he would show up in a denim jacket, black tee-shirt, and jeans. His hair color was a light brown.

You patiently waited for him to arrive since you had arrived early. Once you spotted him between seas of people, you wave vigorously with a forced smile. 

The moment he spotted you, he smirked and waves back. You've only known for a couple of seconds, but there's a feeling of dread and fear boiling in your stomach.

''Hi!" you eagerly greet him once he's in front of you.

There's a confident smirk on his face and he introduces himself as Fumihiro Bando. The two of you quickly slip inside the club and linger at the bar, having a light conversation.

Even though he hasn't done anything wrong yet, there's something about him that you can't wrap your finger around. Something about him makes you want to run away, but he's been nothing but polite to you, so you decide to brush the feeling away.

''Here,'' he speaks loudly over the booming music and hands you a drink. ''I'll be right back, I'm going to get more drinks,'' You open your mouth to disagree but he quickly turns around.

A sigh escapes your lips as you toy with the straw of your drink. He was attractive- you couldn't deny it, but you didn't feel any type of connection with him. Not to mention that something about him didn't feel...right.

“Hey,” A voice speaks up next to you. You stop nursing your drink and turn to the left, and stifle back a shocked gasp. An oddly familiar bulky redhead is sliding into onto the stool next to you.

Kirishima is sitting next to you and the look on his eyes makes you furrow your eyebrows. Being so close to him makes you blush and goosebumps rise on your skin, he's so close that you notice how he smells like. It almost feels...intimate. 

You aren't strangers with the man, he's talked to you before in the library but this is different- it feels different. The environment isn't like before. You're not in your usual baggy clothing and neither is he- you're wearing a revealing skin-tight outfit that accentuates your body and he's wearing black jeans, a white tee-shirt that presses against his muscles and to top it all of it, a black leather jacket. He's oozing seduction. 

It seems that all the confidence you gained from the alcohol evaporates and for a few moments, you feel painfully sober as you attempt to speak.

''H-hi...'' is all you can manage. Even though you sound like an idiot, Kirishima offers you a sympathetic smile before his gaze drifts to the drink in his hands. His eyes narrow.

“Don’t drink that. I think your date’s trying to drug you.” his voice drops down to a whisper. Your eyes widen and your hands immediately loosen around the glass you were carefully holding seconds ago.

''What...?'' you swallow nervously and search for an answer in his expression. He seems to be on alert- his eyes are constantly changing focus- surveying the entire club.

''How do you know that?'' you murmur. ''Why...um,'' your voice dies down when you spot your date from afar. He hasn't spotted you yet and he's weaving through crowds but it feels like someone dumped a bucket of insects on your head. You can feel goosebumps crawl all over your skin.

Kirishima seems to notice this and presses his hand on your back, steering you away from the bar.

''Let's go,'' he whispers in your ear as you rise from the stool. ''It's best if you lose him. I'll get you somewhere safe, okay?'' 

You can barely walk and keep up with his long strides, your legs are trembling and your toes feel numb. 

During the entire time, Kirishima keeps his hand on your back- it doesn't lower or move at all, but he keeps his grip firm as he helps you weave through the crowds of dancing bodies. 

Once the two of you are outside of the club, you breathe in the fresh air and feel your body tremble harder. 

Kirishima begins to rub circles on your back and whisper comforting words. You can feel your breathing regulate and you slowly regain your composure.

''There you are.'' the cold voice of Fumihiro Bando makes you freeze.

Kirishima turns around to face him and places you behind him.

''Hey there,'' Kirishima's tone is friendly, but his eyes are narrowed. ''Do I know you?''

Fumihiro scoffs and looks at the redhead with disgust.

''Ditching me for another guy? I've barely met you for a few moments and I can tell you're a fucking whore,'' he snarls. 

Your pride stings with his words and Kirishima stiffens at his words.

''That isn't very manly,'' he says calmly. ''Apologize to her. It's unmanly to disrespect woman.''

Fumihiro snickers and steps forward, glaring daggers at Kirishima. 

''Why don't you shut the hell up and fuck off?!'' Fumihiro pushed Kirishima, but he didn't even budge. The push did absolutely nothing to him. Fumihiro seemed to notice this, as he swallowed visibly and took a step back.

''Do you realize who you're talking to?'' Kirishima said coldly. ''I would calm down if I were you.''

He scoffed and glared at the redhead. 

''What? Your gym muscles aren't scaring anyone, buddy.''

''Those aren't gym muscles, you dickhead,'' a new voice growls. You jump and tighten your grip on Kirishima's arm. 

A tall, lean but muscled guy with spiky blonde hair and blood-red eyes steps out of the club and glares at Fumihiro- and it takes you a minute to recognize who it is- Pro Hero Ground Zero!

Oh dear, you think. Your legs are jittery- meeting two Pro Heroes in one day? You're ready to faint.

''You're disrespecting the Pro Hero Red Riot, you piece of shit,'' Ground Zero growls. Fumihiro's eyes widen. ''And me, by being here. Now fuck off before I get angry.''  Fumihiro scowls but scrambles away and once he's out of your eyesight your body relaxes. Kirishima brings you forward, a hand on your back. Ground Zero's narrowed eyes drift to you.

''Thanks, Bakugou!'' Kirishima says with a toothy smile. 

''Tch. Whatever. Who's this?'' his tone is brash and rough, but you can tell he's good friends with Kirishima. 

''Oh! This is Y/N, a friend of mine,'' your cheeks feel warm. 

Bakugou grunts and gives you a nod of acknowledgment which you return with a small nervous smile. 

''I'm going to walk Y/N home, Bakugou, so I'll head out early today. See you,''

The blonde grunts in response and retreats into the club. Once he's gone, the environment is oddly silent. The faint echo of the music inside the club makes the walls vibrate. You swallow nervously and raise your gaze to Kirishima, who's already watching you with a comforting smile.

''Thanks,'' you murmur. And then you realize how everything must've looked like- the moment he canceled out on your date, you left to leech onto another guy. God, you slightly cringe. This is not good.

''It's not a problem,'' Kirishima's voice is smooth and lighthearted, a big contrast to yours. 

You sigh and pinch your nose. ''I'm sorry, Kirishima, I...'' you trail off. Kirishima clutched your right hand and squeezes it. He offers you an understanding smile.

''It's okay, Y/N. I don't want to imagine how you felt and I'm sorry for canceling. I was really busy that day.''

Your heart feels heavy at his words. He's so sweet and nice your heart feels like it's about to explode.

''I know Kirishima but, I shouldn't have gone on this date. My friend convinced me into going and the dude tried to drug me...'' you groan and force down the desire to cry. ''I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry. I'll understand if you don't want to see me again...''

Wiping your eyes harshly, you lower your gaze to Kirishima's fancy shoes and sniffle.

''Hey, hey,'' he grabs your chin gently and presses a hand on your shoulder.

''Don't feel bad, sweetheart. It's not your fault. I'm not mad, you don't owe me anything, okay?'' he murmurs the last few words, brushing his finger on your chin.

''Th-thank you.'' without hesitation, you lean forward and wrap your arms around his back.

''You were free to reject me or decide to move on. I won't judge you, because it's your decision and not mine. Okay?''

His bright red eyes are staring directly into yours. Your entire body feels body and you sniffle. 

Your hug takes him by surprise- he tenses before relaxing and wrapping his arms around you. He's so tall you can barely reach his collarbone. You sniffle and bury your face in his chest.

''I'm sorry for crying... I've just had a long day.'' Your words are muffled but Kirishima understands them perfectly. 

''It's okay,'' he rubs his hand in circles on your back. ''You have nothing to apologize for.''

The two of you stand there for a few minutes until you gain back your composure. His arms are warm and strong, you feel at home in his hold. 

Sniffling, you pull back and rub at your eyes. ''Thanks for watching out for me, Kirishima. I don't know how I can ever repay you.'' you bow politely.

Kirishima chuckles. He smiles crookedly and crosses his arms over his chest.

''Of course.'' 

''Well...you could repay me with a date.''

Your face warms up and you smile. 

Kirishima's grin widens and he steps forward. You giggle at his actions.

''I'll be looking forward to our date. But for the moment, I think I'll walk you home. Is that okay with you?''

''So...'' you fiddle with your keys. ''Thanks for everything, Kirishima.''

You nod and smile brightly. Kirishima smiles and the two of you begin to walk towards his car.

The two of you exchange a comfortable conversation during the car ride and before you know it, Kirishima and you are standing at your doorstep.

He smiles in response. ''Call me Eijirou.''

Your eyes widen but you nod in response. Before you can lose the little amount of courage you've gathered, you stand on your tiptoes and press a kiss on his cheek.

''Thank you for everything, Eijirou.''

His eyes widen and you giggle as you watch his face redden and his hand hovers over the spot you kissed him.

''No-no problem!" his voice is squeakier than usual but there's a bright grin on his face. 

''I'll text you in the morning?'' he asks uncertainly. You nod and unlock your door, stepping inside your house.

''I'll be waiting for your message,'' you say with a teasing smile.

Kirishima smiles and nods. ''Good night, Y/N! Sleep well.'' 

You softly bid him goodbye and close the door behind you. With a smile, you lay on your sofa and press a hand over your beating heart.

The way Kirishima makes you feel is a powerful feeling- scary to an extent, but you're more than ready to explore this feeling with him. 

a/n: as always lovelies, please leave a like, reblog, follow and/or comment if you enjoyed! <3 have a good day! 

genuinely curious: do you think that the depictions of homophobic abuse and violence towards lgbt characters in tlou2 outweighs the portrayal of their other experiences and happy moments of love/self expression? is it bad representation if the lgbt characters go through strife and pain as well as being happy and allowed to express themselves? i feel like there are valid criticisms to be made, but views on lgbt rep tend to be pretty polarized, either "it's great" or "it's bad" with no nuance

I think a big issue I have with the characters and representation specifically in The Last of Us 2 is that in the game the characters feel like they were created solely to serve a point in the plot, the game’s tone is progressively bleak (and the violence is gratuitous), and the inclusion of bigotry also felt unnecessary.

As a disclaimer, I’m not saying tlou2, Naughtydog, or even Neil Druckmann is simply homophobic because the gay character gets in fights and all that, but for me personally I felt that the treatment of lgbt characters in the game made me uncomfortable and wasn't satisfying. I’m glad they weren't outright stereotypes, but I’d like it if there was a bit kinder treatment of these characters. It just really feels like nd heard they didn’t do diversity well in the first game and just threw in a bunch of poc and lgbt characters without really thinking... I don’t think what happens is homophobic, but it feels very thoughtless.

The characters in tlou2 are not well done, I’m not sure what happened between The Last of Us and tlou2, but they do not feel the same at all. Every character in the game feels very weak and the player themselves cant name 10 facts about each one, even characters like Abby or Dina (I’m excluding Ellie and Joel because they already existed). This applies the most to Jessie imo, but I’ll only discuss Ellie, Dina, and Lev since they are the lgbt characters in the game. in tlou2 Ellie is just the vengeful character and as Neil put it, “the villain.” tlou2 could have been a wonderful opportunity to add more to her story, but here she’s basically just the traumatized girl who likes girls and is playing the guitar to remember Joel. Dina is basically the player’s partner who is randomly benched halfway through and from a narrative point she is something that Ellie can lose, you learn she has some ability with tinkering, she is Jewish, bi, has a sister... and not much else. Finally Lev feels like the main justification to sympathize with Abby, without Abby he is introduced literally being hunted because he is trans. Every character in the game is like this, but with these three very prominent characters, it’s disappointing.

Next, for tlou2 the violence seems to be double what happened in tlou, being much more detailed and forcing you to look at what is happening (Ellie getting her face smashed in and Abby threatening to kill Dina and its good because she is pregnant). Tlou was able to thread the needle concerning this successfully; having Ellie being kidnapped, hunted, and almost being sexually assaulted to immediately having the famous scene where Joel and Ellie pet giraffes. Tlou also (to my knowledge) did not have those shock value moments 2 constantly has, and when there is violence its rarely explicitly shown. Now in tlou2 this is almost the opposite, instead of going back and forth between intense and calm scenes, the sequel seems to steadily go downhill in tone. I know that these specific characters arent being hurt BECAUSE they’re lgbt, but its still not good to see.

The happiest moments are the beginning with Dina and Ellie, but while they're having fun and making out together what’s happening? Joel is currently getting his face caved in by Abby. Halfway through the game after Ellie and Dina are beaten, it seems to go back up in tone, but ooc tommy forces Ellie to turn back to revenge and the whole thing comes crashing back down. “I’m afraid of ending up alone” Ellie chooses to leave Dina and Ellie’s life is now hell going all the way back to Abby. After all this Ellie comes back to their house but her family is no longer there. Ellie is alone. I have a huge issue with the ending and it’s that you are explicitly shown that everything there is sad. Nd doesn't make “letting go” of Joel a relief, and they don’t show any implication of Ellie reuniting with Dina. Our lesbian protagonist is now living her worst fear, even though she did the “right” thing and spared Abby. Lev’s ending is clearly better because he’s affiliated with Abby, but it doesn’t change that throughout the story he’s repeatedly hurt and has a similar fall to Ellie after Abby thinks she finds the fireflies, he is never explicitly shown recovering from being made a literal slave and almost crucified.

My last issue is that the bigotry is entirely uncalled for, especially in a world that is as already violent as they’ve made tlou2. One of the most striking moments to me in tlou2 is Dina saying, “What’s this” referring to lgbt flags, indicating she has no concept of pride for being bisexual. Ellie also has no clue and they joke about the erotica and thats the end of that. Later Ellie is called a slur. The man who does it isnt exactly punished and Ellie is forced to make up with him later. That scene and the scene at the end somehow included Ellie, but clearly were about Joel. The last flashback is used as a tragic “Ellie could have forgiven Joel but he was killed :(” scene, there’s very little focus about her sexuality positively. Ellie and Dina are also never openly gay, the one time they are (in a room full of maybe 50 people) Ellie is called a d*ke. Ellie’s previous gf is scrapped except for subtle concept art and notes and she only has one conversation in the beginning mentioning a her.

Then on the opposite side of characters, Lev’s entire story outside of and before Abby is being hunted simply because he is trans. He’s deadnamed multiple times and even Abby cluelessly says it (??). There’s endless reasons why he could have been hunted (hell, just simply wanting to leave the cult because theyre so violent), but nd went with this... for some reason. Him being trans is also never discussed in a positive way other than Abby’s weird attempt to make him feel better by giving him a toy (”Hey, I know your group you grew up with and family literally wants you dead, but uh, would a toy help?”). Lev THEN goes BACK to the people who wants him dead, and we’re shown that his mother has viciously attacked him and he accidentally kills her due to this. Him being trans is never mentioned again... I don’t think we have to exactly hide homophobia in fiction, but I personally do not play a game to get called a slur, I can find that irl. Also if these things were to be included, they could have at least shown comfort after, but they don’t. The scenes are simply more shocking violence and are never mentioned again, simply skipped over. Nd used these characters being lgbt as an excuse for them to be discriminated against for it instead of anything positive.

Their advertising of Ellie kissing a girl in 2018 and in 2020 having her be called a slur instantly after what was shown to us is just SO jarring... Nd and their stans like to say, “Well if you don’t like The Last of Us 2, you’re just homophobic.” but that’s honestly so ridiculous. There simply can’t be more instances of oppression than acceptance and think you're doing something good?? Revealing Lev’s deadname gives people an opportunity to be transphobic, having Ellie be called a slur and lash out at Joel after gives people a reason to be angry at her there. You simply can’t include these things if it can do the opposite thing that you want. The point of including minorities in fiction should be so people can related and identify with these characters, not as some virtual reminder that people will hate you specifically for these reasons. It should not be too much to ask for a character you are like to be treated well and nd not listening to fans critique the game is sad,

I suppose I appreciate the attempt at inclusion, but it feels like a failed one that I preferred would not have happened, or at least had been strongly corrected. It would have been different if maybe Ellie had reunited with Dina apologizing, Abby telling Lev she supports him, Joel saying he loves Ellie, or even Dina and Ellie talking about being gay in some way thats anything other than making out and calling each other “babe”, but idk... that didn’t happen. Dina and Ellie are clearly supposed to be the main rep, but I feel like they really missed things they could have mentioned. This rep really reminds me of Life is Strange, but I can’t decide if dying or ending up alone and depressed at the end is worse. I’m probably missing more things but yeah... It would be cool if my lesbian protagonist did not have to be traumatized for an overdone, useless story.

Broken trust

Hello again welcome back to Dino’s blogs can I just say thank you all of you for supporting my blogs I appreciate it I try to lighten up the moment including the most dark moments I try to lighten up the moment. So the fun part trigger warnings there is suicide attempts, Self-harm and a MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING for sexual assault  I will warn you again before the mentions I just don't want anyone to get triggered I AM NOT HOLDING BACK on details as I'm tired of keeping this a secret.

Here we go this blog is probably the hardest one I've written to be honest it's taken a lot of courage it's a big thing to say 'I am a victim of sexual assault on several occasions', but here we go: 

 So I don't trust many people I didn't know how to for a while. I didn't know what love was until recently I didn't know what it was to be cared for until university. So why don't I trust people you ask… oh, you hear that *Choo Choo* oh look it's the trauma train gotta love the trauma train chugging throughout my head.

So yeah I have been sexually assaulted on four occasions by two guys one was at school and the first year at college and the second was two times in the first year on the university.

So this isn’t sexual assault or rape but in this there’s mentions of rape and bullying.

But I also had an encounter with this guy online who pretended to be a girl who was 14 and from my school and followed me on Instagram it was normal until I was revising looked at my phone and they had commented ‘I’m going to rape you and your family’ and ‘I will burn your house down with you in it’ so there you goooo *distant choo choo*. So I mentioned it to my classmates they mentioned it to my childcare teacher we will call her Brown she reported it to the police they came in and talked to me Brown said she’d come with me so she did she was lovely I miss her. I showed them the screenshots that I took before he deleted his account and his comments they said they will keep me updated later on that month they were coming in again as he’d been targeting other students this time Brown couldn’t make it so the school nurse came with me she’d been helping me a lot with my problems and we spoke again about it they tracked him back to India but they never pressed any charges they had to wait for Instagram to get back to press charges but they never did (FUNNNNN YAYYYY more trauma) so yeee that’s the time I was threatened.

Just another warning going to be talking more about sexual assault and rape here.

School as you know already was hard, but it wasn't until GCSEs in year 11 like a week before I sat my first  exam I had a friend at the time we will call him ‘Oliver’ he was my friend since year nine he waited until I was at the age of consent so 16 here (He was 17, so it's not like he was 40, but he was held back a year). So he invited me around his house to game and revise, so I took him up on it, of course, he was my friend at the time the day came around I was excited to be able to go to his and chill for a bit instead of being at home.

I got on the bus I was wearing jeans and a hoodie and of course a shirt (I told you this detail to show you clothing is NOTHING to do with what a rapist wants.) But yeah listened to music. He met me at the bus stop, and we went back to his (WE WAS NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP). I had been there for a few hours, and he closed the door and locked it he looked at me weirdly as he grabbed the remote out my hand I laughed "what you doing" he said nothing and just started kissing me I pulled away, but he just picked me up and put me on his bed he kept kissing me I told him to stop (his parents had gone out by the way).

He continued to until he forced my jeans off and took his pants and stuff off and continued to rape me I laid there I gave up trying to fight this off I stared at the ceiling trying to focus on other things besides what was happening. I remember watching a spider crawling around the ceiling wishing I was the spider (preferably being squished) and not the person being raped.

After he was done with me, he got up smiled at me and said 'I love you' I didn't respond. I had no emotion I felt numb in fact.

He looked at me and said 'If you ever tell anyone I will make your life hell' after this he opened his door and let me out I left the house shaking and got around the corner where he couldn't see me looked around no one was there I sat on the floor and cried and had a massive panic attack. I got the bus and went home.

Trigger warning for suicide attempts and self-harm

I sat on my bed with my plate of hot food steaming away, of course, I didn't eat it. I stared at it, thinking about the events of the day. I threw the food away said good night to my family came back in my room. I sat on the bed and cried I took a blade out and cut my wrists pretty badly I found some tablets and took an overdose as well as kept cutting to make the cuts deeper and worse in hope I’d bleed out and die a lot of the cuts scarred, and I can still see today. I fell asleep on the bed holding the blade, and I woke up and cried at the fact that I didn't die in my sleep. Looking back now I’m glad I didn’t die in my sleep cuz this way I got to feel love and trust and be cared for and all that.

The next day I acted like nothing happened went into school. No one noticed anything was wrong. I didn't ever tell anyone about this until I met people I trusted in university. After this incident, I stopped talking to him. He still continued to follow me around the school then I started spending time down learning support where teachers used to be.

So there school was said and done in a few months I didn't see this shithead for a few months (yes a few months... fun)

So I did exams, and that was fun then the joy of the first year of college happened. Oliver was also in the college I was in and I didn't know until I spotted him and unfortunately, he spotted me after that he decided he wanted to follow me around the college so when I could I’d stay in the classroom or the bathroom.

So another fun joyful trigger warning here…

It was the morning I was walking to college, and I didn't realise he’d spotted me while he was on the bus it drove past me, and he got off in town, and by this point, he had realised I wasn't interested but guess what that didn't stop him...yay (to be honest I don't think anything will stop a rapist who knows exactly what they are doing. They don't give a shit about you will fuck anything that moves...sorry).

He proceeded to follow me, so I tried to lose him it didn't work he caught up when I thought I’d lost him I was in the woods (hey I thought I’d lose him in the woods it was stupid I know) he pushed me to the ground and raped me again this time I focused on the birds they trigger me even today I tried to fight it off, but every time I tried to do something he would say 'shhh' or smack me around the face, so I gave up and again focused on something else like the sound of the birds.

After he was done he kissed me and said exactly the same thing he had said the first time about hurting me if I told anyone so I didn’t I was scared shitless. I went into college again felt numb I went to the bathroom and had a backup blade on me in case urges got back and I cut myself again wasn’t an attempt to kill myself yet (that fun will come later) I went into my lesson didn’t concentrate much I had tutoring maths she noticed something was wrong I just told her I was tired (indeed tired of living…and the trauma over my shoulder) I got through the day and stayed in the classroom until like 5pm I finished at 3pm but I was scared shitless. I walked home in constant fear of being raped again I got home sat on my bed and cried a lot tried to kill myself again this time was overdose then went to a multi-storey where I was gonna jump but people on a server I was on on discord talked me out of it I went home got shouted at for going out fun.

So those nightmares and traumas and flashbacks never stopped I still have them now thankfully I moved college after this met some good people but I never knew how to trust people with stuff as the one person I trusted in school raped me it’s like when he raped me the rest of the happiness that was left over from me was sucked out of me and I was left a shadow of myself a shadow of darkness and depression and suicidal thoughts and cutting my pain away.

So in 3rd year of college there was this stalker I spoke about in the anxiety blog but what I didn’t mention is the time he tried to sexually assault me he pulled me into a driveway and started trying to rape me and brushed his hand on my crotch I walked away and went into a supermarket and hid for a while when I got courage I went home. Thankfully he didn’t go too far as I didn’t give him chance to.

So yeah college I got semi better and started to gain trust of a small handful of people when I came to university I realised people can be good so I started to trust people again and realise what friendship really was. I began coming out of my shell a bit more talking to people I managed to make friends not many but I was happy with what I had.

I trusted people for once in my life since the first rape but this wasn’t for long *choo choo* yes you’re right trauma time yay. So I met this guy ‘Aiden’ he was weird at the start. He kept pressuring to come over to mine I gave in my flatmate said she’d stay with me with her mate but she left me after a while with her mate I begged her not to leave but she did left me with him the monster who took my trust again. (We also now refer to that “friend” as Rebitcha instead of Rebecca).

I was in the common room of accommodation we was sitting on the sofa chatting and I went to the bathroom it was a disabled one both doors locked and I forgot to lock the other one. I locked one but I went to the bathroom and washed my hands (cuz I’m not a detty pig sex ed reference) and unlocked the door to see him stood there waiting for me he then said he had feelings for me I said I don’t feel the same about you sorry. He said ‘I don’t care’ grabbed me by the chest on my jumper pushed me against the wall and kissed me I told him to stop please. He continued to rip my trousers off and rape me in the bathroom I had nothing to focus on this time so I closed my eyes and wished it would end wished Rebitcha never left me here with the monster who had no remorse he had no feeling afterwards he got up dragged me off the ground said get changed threw me back into the other part of the bathroom and closed the door and he then left the common room I came out crying and shaking. I saw he had gone (the fact that he got an uber to get here means this rapist took effort to get to me cuz he knew I was weak and not that strong physically so couldn’t fight him off).

A lot of the details here are missing and fuzzy because my protector alter Cody took over and we sort of shared this carriage of the trauma train so neither of us really remembers all of exactly what happened.

After this came the creepy messages on snapchat where he’d say things like “maths then fuck” he would try so so hard to get me out of the classroom alone so he could do it again. He was addicted to being a dickhead. He wouldn’t stop then in winter once I was walking home from uni I spotted him and got faster back then I didn’t  have anyone to walk with back in winter in the uk it gets dark at like 4pm so my lesson finished at 5 he was there and decided ‘Hey here have another fuck ton of trauma’ *choo choooooo* and he basically did the same but outdoors near the university in a hidden area so no one could see he had his hand over my  mouth so my screams were just muffled moans and you know he’s a fucked up creep cuz he enjoyed it in fact that probably made him horny I dislike this guy.

At this point I was tired of the trauma of keeping it all inside I told my friend he was there for me I was terrified to talk about it as he wasn’t in my university we both thought it would be a good idea to tell this person we will call her Alex the Snake (you’ll see why later) so we did she was “supportive” but was pushy for me to go to the police she’d constantly bother my mates and me and come over just so she can force me to go my flatmate knew it all it was Rebitcha again who had abandoned me in the common room with him. One night I remember this a lot they came over to force me to tell the police I was suicidal that night and they all left me and went to sit in Rebitcha’s room while I was alone YOU KNOW WHAT THEY FUCKING DID they stabbed me in the back saying how I probably made it up and shit meanwhile I was in my room talking to my friend on a call he was trying to talk me out of suicide we was on call when I fell asleep as I was a danger to myself I put their bags and shit outside the door and locked it I was done with them. I fell asleep and woke up it was 2am and they had just gone you know where they went yeah the fucking police station AFTER I HAD SAID I DON’T WANT TO GO they went on their own. I messaged the group chat and asked they LIED AGAIN and said they’d gone to McDonalds.

After this night I didn’t trust anyone really I didn’t know how to trust them anymore they had broken my trust so much it was like a mirror had been smashed on the floor and the bits all over the floor.

This snake continued to go behind my back with my flatmate go out together all just to bitch about me the snake only wanted to get gossip about me from my flatmate and she did was a bitch about me I went to these people who helped I had some help from them. The university did fuck all only one of my flatmates was supportive she’s my best mate now she’s been there I never really talked to her about this I am still very very traumatised by this and still don’t trust people very well.

The snake stopped me going to the thing I enjoyed the most the thing that took my mind off of the rape I stopped going to musical theatre in fear she’d come up to me and talk about it even though I’d asked her thousands of times not to bring it up I will never EVER forgive her for what she did in a way she fucked me up almost as much as the rapist did. It sucks being raped I can’t explain how it feels you feel like it is your fault the guilt consumes you so much it’s like a vulture waiting for the animal to die but stalking it until it dies the trauma being the vulture. The Snake continued to torment me with trauma asking about it all the time like how it happened she didn’t believe me.

You the reader here can believe me when I say all of this or don’t. Simple. It happened and I’m the only person who knows 100% it happened because I was on the receiving end of the sexual assault other people were not. But I don’t care what others say I know what happened I was the one person there like I just said the trauma train spent a lot of time at the sexual assault stop. But being sexually assaulted makes me who I am today I wish it didn’t happen because I still am severely traumatised and have nightmares but I’m getting there slowly I find talking really helps me this helps it’s been so hard to write for me taken 2 times longer than another blog but it’s a very hard thing to talk about.

But being sexually assaulted isn’t that rare sadly it happens to a lot of people.

Whatever race sex sexuality whether you’re wearing a space suit or just a swimsuit you can be a victim of sexual assault please please don't keep it to yourself please talk to someone because this is such a stigma. Yes sexual assault is still a stigma you know fuck it men can BE RAPED TOO it’s not just woman okay men speak out its okay to not be okay you can cry. You know boys DO cry. Even with women its hard speak up you feel like no one will believe you feel like a failure because it happened to you but it isn’t your fault nothing is your fault you can’t help that some people can’t keep their dick in their pants or their tits in their shirt. SO DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF if you are a victim of rape or abuser physical, mental, sexual, financial and medical abuse (Gypsy rose who.)

None of it is your fault it’s the abuser they need serious help if you abuse someone and abuse them in any way do me a favour fuck off unfriend me and block me please. I don’t want abusers in my life. But if you’re a victim I have put some helplines alongside my email please email me if you need me it WILL stay between us unless I think you’re going to kill yourself because I care about you please don’t kill yourself I care and don’t want anyone dead except maybe rapists hmm... *sharpens knife*

Being raped really messes with your mental health and the way you feel like you can’t turn to anyone being abused is like you’re thrown to the beast and it tears you apart into pieces and enjoys every moment then it moves on to its next victim in the distance *choo choo* The trauma train following closely behind.

I have put some links below that might help you I have also put my email below please don’t hesitate to message me anytime you need to talk I’ll keep it private and between us and us only anyways I’ve said that #ADHD. But I’m recovering still from this trauma one day I will get through it I now know how to trust people again.

And you will too.

Stay strong my blogger beans.

Love Dino the Dyslexic Blogger xx

 My email: [email protected]

 This morning-https://www.itv.com/thismorning/articles/rape-helplines

 Rape crisis-https://rapecrisis.org.uk/

 Mind-https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/abuse/sexual-abuse/

 Nhs-https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/

 Supportline-https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/rape-and-sexual-assault/

 Metroplitaion police they have some helpful rescources-https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/rsa/rape-and-sexual-assault/support-for-victims-of-rape-and-sexual-assault/

In The Future -- A Roger Taylor x Reader Fic [part 4]

Read the Past Parts Here! Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Word Count: 4k

Trigger Warning: Alcohol, Talks of Sexual Assault, Anxiety Attack

Did I sleep with her?

Roger paced the floor of his flat.

He didn’t think it was out of the question. You were gorgeous, and he could see his drunk self hitting on you.

Roger has forgotten girls he’s slept with before, leading to some awkward and uncomfortable conversations once meeting them again. This event occurred a year ago, you had told him, it’s a clear possibility that your image may be stuck in the subconscious of his brain.

The problem is, he’s never had to work alongside a past hook-up.

What am I going to do?

He cursed himself for whatever his past self did to you. From the short amount of time you’ve spent together, he has thought you were a great person despite the cold shoulder you gave him at first. The way you attempted to open up to him was a breath of fresh air, people don’t usually trust him with matters that cause them to feel vulnerable.

Roger wanted to find a friend in you, and he became insanely upset with himself that he may have ruined that chance without even realizing it.

I’m not going to let the fact that we slept together get in the way of a friendship.

--

The day of the weekend gig comes much faster than you could have intended. You spent another day with the band between the recording session and now. Getting the chance to talk to Roger was on your mind, it wasn’t fair that you left him just to guess what you had to say, but getting him alone without alerting everyone was something near impossible.

You weren’t excited about the show. Ever since that night a year ago, you had avoided large crowds in small spaces as much as possible. Just the thought of being surrounded by that many people, the possibility of another attacker being there with you, begins to be too much. You hoped you could just hang in the back and not have to experience things similar to that night, you feared that might be too much for you.

You also pondered the idea of not telling Roger, which is not out of the question. Still feeling helpless about what happened to you, and awful about the way you left the person who saved you, you feel as if maybe it’s easier to not face it.

Going between this possibility and just telling him the truth cross your mind at every hour of the day making your head spin at insane speeds. No matter how many times you think it over, you can’t decide what option causes the least amount of pain for you, and Roger.

When you met with the boys yesterday, they again asked you if you were coming to the gig. You continued to assure them that you wouldn’t miss it, but they still seemed skeptical given that your original answer was a sidestep towards no. You knew you’d end up going, not wanting to miss a chance to support the band you now represent, but everyone else wasn’t so sure. Even Miami asked you, he must have gotten the word passed along from the boys.

As the hours drew closer, your anxiety rose. Not knowing what else to do, you called Gracie. She picked up the line on the third ring.

“Hey, favorite person in the world,”

You let out a nervous laugh. Leave it to Gracie to be a ray of sunshine when your thoughts seemed bleak. 

“What’s wrong?”

She could always pick up when you weren’t feeling well, even when you’re miles away.

“I have to go to a concert tonight,” you told, hoping that simple explanation would be enough to convey how you’re feeling.

Gracie sighed. “Oh hun, is it for the band?”

“Yeah,” you sputtered. “And it’s at a small pub, and do you want to know what’s worse of all,”

“What?”

“The band I represent is the same band we saw last summer,”

The line hung in the air for a while, and you wonder if the connection had dropped. Only after a few, long seconds, Gracie answered.

“I thought this band was called Queen,”

“They are, they switched their name, I didn’t recognize it,”

She started at a string of questions that almost came too fast for you to recognize. “Is he still the drummer? Did he remember you? Are you still wanting to work for them? How are you feeling about it? How bad is your anxiety right now?”

You internalized each question, prepared to answer all.

“Yes he’s still there, no he didn’t recognize me, yes I still want this job, and I’ll be honest, I’m not doing great,”

You could hear Gracie struggling for words, not knowing what to say to you. Would anyone know exactly what to say?

“Darling, I’m so sorry, but maybe this will be a positive experience. Maybe you’ll go and have a good time and all those memories will start to wash away. And remember, you can leave, no one's holding you there,”

You nodded, even though you knew she couldn’t see it.

“Have I ever told you, you’re the best?”

“Once or twice,” you could almost hear the smile from across the line.

Suddenly, you heard a car horn from outside your flat. At first, you ignore it, assuming it’s not for you, but when it goes off another time, this time with two beeps, you thought you should check it out.

“Hey, uh, Gracie, there’s a car horn outside and I think I should go see who it is,” you told her hesitantly.

“Be careful, I love you,”

Hanging up the phone, you moved to your front window to check the car.

Not expecting to see anyone you know, you are met with the sight of a man you wouldn’t mistake in any situation.

Slipping on some sandals, you opened the door to your flat.

“Freddie?” you yell at the man sitting in the car with his window down.

“Y/n, darling! I’ve come to pick you up!”

Walking out towards the car, you were still wondering why Freddie Mercury is sitting outside your home.

“But why?” you asked, still not quite understanding.

He grinned. “It’s not that I don’t have fate in you, love, but I wasn’t sure if you’d come if I didn’t drag you out myself,”

Laughing in disbelief, you arrived at the side of his car.

“Well, I don’t have all day! Go, get dressed, it’s a big night for you,”

“And why is that?”

He slid off the sunglasses he was wearing. “Why, dear. It’s your first gig night as our official assistant to the manager, of course!”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his theatrics, he must really want you to come.

“Alright, give me five minutes,” you said, turning back towards your flat.

“No more, no less,” he yelled after you.

Following the rapid events that took place in your bedroom to produce the look you’re sporting now, you checked the time to make sure you didn’t take long. As you hustled down the stairs of your flat, you are not surprised to see Freddie still sitting there taking a drag of his cigarette.

“Darling, you are truly a vision,” he gushed as he caught sight of the dress you threw on.

“Why, thank you,” you replied, getting into his car with him.

The drive with Freddie is filled with him talking, to which you are thankful, he took the pressure off of you. It was a stark contrast to the other drives you’ve had over the past few days.

“Aren’t you excited?” he asked.

For the first time in a while when thinking about a concert, your answer is overwhelmingly positive. “I actually am. I’m not going to lie to you, you picking me up has made a lot of my nerves disappear for a while,”

Freddie looked over to you and smirked. “I have that effect on people,”

You scoffed, a laugh pulling at your throat. “You’re ruining the moment,”

“People have told me that I tend to do that as well,”

This left both of you laughing, but the laughs didn’t last as long as you hoped. Freddie’s demeanor shifted slightly as he thought through his next words.

“I can’t help but notice, and I don’t mean to pry, but is everything alright between you and Roger? You seem so comfortable around the rest of us, but there seems to be tension with you two,”

He left off, leaving you room to answer how you’d like. You appreciated this, not feeling like the rest of the boys need to be involved in whatever’s happening between the two of you.

“It’s nothing really. I guess our personalities just don’t mesh well,”

“That’s interesting to me,” he started. “When I first met you I thought the two of you would get along great. I could tell you’re reserved, and he is anything but. Those two things usually compliment each other well,”

You sighed. “Yeah, guess not this time,”

Thankfully, Freddie pulled into the pub parking lot as you finished your statement. He parked the car and took the opportunity to grab your hands, placing them in his own.

“I’d like to let you know I don’t believe you,” he smirked. “But just know this, if there’s ever anything you’d like to talk about, anything at all, my ears are always open. Whatever you say is safe with me. I think you’re a great person, y/n. And I hate to see you struggling, and I can tell, you’re struggling with something,”

The comments take you aback. No one, other than Gracie, has ever said something close to this too you. He may never know this, but what Freddie was doing was something that meant the universe. You felt as if you could trust Freddie, and you’re glad someone like him had walked into your life.

“Has anyone told you you’re pretty great, Freddie?”

“And yet, another thing people tell me a lot,”

As the two of you exited the car, he slung an arm over your shoulder. The two of you walked into the pub like that.

You don’t know what you expected upon entering, maybe a nauseous feeling, maybe your fight or flight response kicking in, but neither of those things happened. You felt, normal. You felt content, and that feeling is better than everything you were anticipating.

Following Freddie, he takes you back to the makeshift dressing room the pub had created for them. In reality, it’s a small side room attached to a hallway with a single bathroom. The hallway led to the stage. The set up was modest but quaint and cute.

“Boys, the real queen has arrived,” Freddie announced as he led you into the dressing room. Brian’s head perked up at the noise, and his mouth turned to a smile.

“Y/n, I’m so glad you’re here,” he said, jumping up and engulfing you in a hug. A second hug from Deaky soon followed. As you let go from John, you see Roger had also gotten up to greet you. Not knowing how he planned this to go, you let him take the steps toward you before giving you a hug as well. It was short, but it was a gesture. A gesture that said he was done acting odd towards you.

“I didn’t think you’d come,” he spoke as he pulled away from your embrace.

“It would have been hard not to when Mr. Mercury pulled up and wouldn’t leave until I got in the car,” you giggled.

“What can I say, she couldn’t miss this,”

The boys returned to their pre-show prep, and you did your best to stay out of the way. As show time approached, you checked the floor of the pub, which was quickly filling up. Your anxiety started to creep in again as men, and women, started to fill the front of the room near the stage. You returned to the hallway, doing your best to keep the ‘worst case scenarios’ out of your head.

“Glad you could make it,” Miami called, joining you in the hallway.

You attempted to swallow the thoughts buzzing in your head. “Wouldn’t miss it,”

Miami went on to explain how a gig works. The band would go out and you both would stay back to make sure everything got off the ground smoothly. As soon as the first song goes off without a hitch, the two of us are free to enjoy the rest of the show from the floor.

Hey sweetheart, can’t find your friend?

The boys went out and introduced themselves to the crowd. As the first song began, you could help but hope there were problems with the set. You didn’t want to see them fail, but you also didn’t want to go out there.

A smile from Freddie in the direction of you and Jim was the all clear, everything went perfectly. The cruel truth of what you were about to face became a reality. You pondered making an excuse and asking to stay off stage instead of joining the crowd, but a chance was forced upon you that you could never provide for yourself. You never thought you’d take yourself to a crowded concert ever again, but this situation was not a choice.

You decided you were done living in the past.

Following Miami, he led both of you to the dimly lit bar, the music still in full volume from upon the stage.

Always the best boss, Miami ordered a drink for you and himself. You hadn’t wanted to drink tonight, in fear of too many factors lining up with certain memories, but you figure having one to slightly loosen up your anxieties wouldn’t be the worst thing for you.

Sipping on the drink you got the chance to enjoy the boys’ music again, but this time in front of someone who wasn’t Jim or yourself.

The set progressed without a hitch and they had the audience completely encapsulated. Since the first night you saw them perform, you had a feeling they were going to be amazing someday, and now you get to watch from within it all.

Anxiety was one of the last things on your mind, and as you looked over the crowd of people that loved the music as much as you did, you had the urge to join them. You wanted nothing more but to push your way through everyone and stand in the front, enjoying the music that you spent every day listening to and loving.

The small bit of alcohol in you is enough to push away any anxious feeling that may be conjuring within your head.

You started to stand up from the bar stool and Miami give you a puzzling look.

“Where are you going?” he asked.  

“To the front,” you grinned.

He laughed a bit and shook his head. “The boys told me you hated crowds,”

“I do, but not at the moment,” you gave him a reassuring nod and started your way towards the stage

To distract yourself from the disappearing personal space around you, you kept your eyes on Freddie, keeping yourself grounded and in the moment. Your ability to sneak past people still being a strength of yours as you find yourself in the near front, very close to the band.

Your eyes still on Freddie, he scans the crowd and finds you. A flashing moment of surprise crosses his face as he sees you among the rest of the people who are lost in the music as you are. He dazzles you with a smile and shoots you a wink as his showmanship boosts up levels upon seeing you enjoying the show, as if your image gave him a shot of adrenaline.

The current song comes to a close and the crowd around you roars.

The boys have really got something here.

“I love you all,” Freddie screams into the mic. He allowed the crowd to cheer again before calming himself down and addressing the people in a calmer matter. “I’m speaking for the boys and me when I say that  tonight is very special, not only are we announcing our American tour, but we are also joined by some amazing people who have just become part of the Queen family,”

The crowd erupted again, assuming Freddie is addressing them when speaking of the Queen family, but you know in your heart that he’s talking about you. He found you in the crowd once again and blew you a kiss. Your heart swells at the simple gesture. You find yourself elated with happiness, for the first time in a long time you feel part of a family.

“We have two more songs for you, thank you so much again for joining us tonight!” Freddie yelled to the crowd and on cue, Brian started a riff on his guitar beginning the song of Killer Queen.

The crowd moved along to the rhythm, mirroring Freddie’s movements on stage. This song was your favorite off the new album, and you found yourself lost in the lyrics as you went from member to member, watching them all get lost as well.

The music fills you from your toes up to the top of your head, it sets something off from deep inside of you, a feeling you’ve been missing from avoiding concerts. The vocals move through your ears to your heart as it pounds a similar rhythm, matching the song. Every muscle in your body is buzzing as you reach some sort of a high from the music. The bass can be felt in your chest as Deaky’s playing reaches a new part of your soul, making it feel as if it’s been lifted from your body.

With the ending of the song, the boys transition seamlessly into the finale: Keep Yourself Alive. You scan the face of the boys you’ve so quickly gotten close with, going from one to the next.

From Freddie, to Brian, to Deaky, to Roger.

To Roger.

To Rog.

Back to the night a year ago.

In your head, the music stops. For a few moments, the room is quiet and everyone halts. Looking around, you feel as if everyone in the crowd has their eyes on you, but their eyes make you uneasy, as if they have danger laced behind every glare.

The room starts to close in, their faces becoming the one of your attacker.

Thoughts, memories, words flood your head as the protective dam you had built to keep you from your own mind comes crashing down around you.

Hey sweetheart, can’t find your friend?

Why is this happening?

Don’t struggle, Princess.

I thought I was better.

You’re going to enjoy this.

I thought I was past this.

I bet no one’s touched you like this before.

No.

Please.

MAKE IT STOP!

Returning to the moment, your heart felt as if it was in your stomach and your legs wobbled so much you feared they would give out any second.

Your eyes look up and Freddie is looking at you.

“All you people, keep yourself alive!” he sung, seeming to deliver those lyrics directly to you, his face plastered with worry as he saw your pale face and shallow breathing.

I have to get out.

I have to get out.

Get out.

Get out!

You pushed with everything in your body to reach the backstage area. There was one member of security standing in your way. He attempted to stop you from reaching the hallway leading to the dressing room, but as he recognized your face and observed your panicked demeanor, he let you pass.

The dressing room is your intended destination, but you quickly realize you don’t want the boys seeing you like this. Throwing open the door to the small bathroom, you ducked inside, locking the door behind you. You collapsed on the ground and did your very best to focus on the cold tile beneath your fingertips.

Your shallow, dense breathing is the main thing you hear, but you can also recognize the sound of footsteps as they neared where you were hiding.

“That show was amazing!” You heard Roger yell to which Deaky and Brian backed him up.

Freddie spoke next. “Yeah, brilliant lads,” His voice was dejected, distracted. “I have someone I need to speak with quickly, I’ll catch you boys in the dressing room in a few,” he explained. No one protested, but it was as if you could hear the confused reactions to Freddie’s excuse.

Many people entered the dressing room across the hall, but one pair of feet stayed back. A few moments passed before a quiet knock could be heard on the door. You didn’t respond. The knock came again, but you still said nothing. No one needs to see you like this.

“Y/n? Darling are you in there?”

You didn’t respond.

The doorknob jiggled.

“Y/n? I know it’s you, love. Everyone is accounted for out here except for you,” he prodded.

You’ve been found, there was nothing you could do now. Freddie was going to come into the bathroom whether you fancied it or not.

“Y/n--”

You cut him off by unlocking the door.

In an instant, the door swung open and Freddie met the sight of you balled up on the floor. His face dropped. Freddie closed the door and locked it behind him. Crouching down to your level, he wrapped his arms around you, neither of you said anything.

The weight of his arms caused the room to expand back to its normal parameters and your chest to loosen up slightly. Minutes passed before either Freddie, or you, say anything.

He shifted his weight and joined you sitting, his arms not leaving their tight hug on you. “Darling, what happened? You looked like you were having the time of your life, then just like that, you were not,”

“It’s nothing, Fred, just a little anxiety over the crowd,”

He exhaled into your hair. “I don’t want to overstep, love, but this seems like a little more than just some anxiety,”

His comment made you laugh, it was an empty one. “I don’t think I want to talk about it,”

“I know it’s hard, whatever has got you feeling like this, but you have so many people here for you, including me. Whatever you tell me, it stays between us,”

You need to tell someone. You need to tell--

“I was at a concert a while ago, and I lost my friend in the crowd while I was very drunk, and this man offered to help me find her. Before I knew it he… he…” your sobs took over.

“Shh,” Freddie confronted. “It’s okay, I’m here,”

Taking a deep breath, you continued. “He grabbed me, picking me up. The crowd was so thick, I had nowhere to run. He took me into an alleyway and sta-started touching me--”

“Oh darling,” Freddie cut you off, not needing to hear more to understand what had you in this state. “Love, I am so sorry,”

His grip tightened on you as he allowed you to sob into his chest. “The boys and I would never, ever, let something like that happen to you again,”

Freddie didn’t know how true that statement was.

You decided not to share more details about the night, specifically about the fact that it was at their concert. And the fact that Roger was the one who found you. This was for another time, you already felt like too much of a burden as it was. 

After more minutes passed, Freddie spoke again. “C’mon love, let’s get you home, I’ll drive you,”

You conceded your position and let him help you get to your feet. Freddie peaked his head out the door and assured no one was in the hallway before the two of you entered. The weight of your body fell into his side as you relied on him for the strength to walk. You were nearly at the back exit before footsteps entered in the hallway behind you.

“Y/n?” a familiar voice called.

You didn’t turn, but Freddie did. “Roger, this is not the time,” he spoke, calmly.

He neared the two of you. “Why not, what’s wrong?”

With that question, you turned around, your eyes meeting the striking blue ones of the drummer.

Roger’s face noticeably fell at the sight of your pale face and tired eyes. “Y/n..?”

“Please,” was all you managed.

He didn’t move, but Freddie did, pushing open the door and guiding you out to his car.

And with that, my fic has reached 12k+ words. That’s so exciting!

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Man In Uniform {Part 8}

Fandom: Avengers/Marvel

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warning: N/A

Writer: @imaginesofeveryfandom aka @thequeenofthehobbits

Summary/Request: James Barnes is the local neighbourhood cop known for saving cats from trees and walking people home at night. It just so happens that he lives in your apartment building, in the apartment across from yours.

Prologue X, Part 1 X, Part 2 X, Part 3 X, Part 4 X, Part 5 X, Part 6 X, Part 7 X

Man In Uniform Tag List:

@superwholockian5ever @theasparagusawakens

Walking out the hospital on your own two feet, no crutches, no wheelchairs, no hand supporting you, was amazing. To finally have that damned crutch off was amazing. You found yourself running to Bucky’s car a happy laugh leaving you, you were sure you looked strange to those around you, but you honestly didn’t care. There was a freedom in being able to run again, to not be so conscious of the heavy weight of your leg.

“Someone’s happy” He’s grinning at you as slid into the passenger seat and do up your seatbelt. Bucky’s happy to see you so lively, he hasn’t really seen that at all the whole time you’ve been staying in his apartment. You’ve been relatively subdued, struggling to sleep, annoyed at the damn cast on your leg, and generally quite quiet. But he liked seeing this new side of you, the pure joy from something so simple as the removal of a cast.

“I am. I can run! I can walk! I can take a shower properly!” Oh the joys of being able to shower or take a bath without worrying about your cast, without one leg outside the water. The joys of being able to sleep properly and curl up on a sofa without the damn thing getting in the way.

“You coming to the precinct or am I dropping you off at home?” You know you should look at the new leads Bucky has, see if any of the faces he’s pulled up seem familiar. With the cast off you feel a little lighter at the thought of going to the precinct, that and the fact that so many of his colleagues seemed decent. That night out was one that helped you relax and it’d be nice to see a few of them again.

“Precinct, you need me to look at photos, right?”

The ride is filled with idle chit chat, discussions about which pizza toppings are better and which animal could take over the world. It is light hearted and 100% not serious, a far cry away from the conversation you had about his ex-fiance.

The precinct isn’t as busy as you expect it to be when the two of you walk in, a few people being processed and police officers filing paperwork, but generally it seems quite quiet. None of the drama you’d seen on all those cop shows growing up.

“Y/N!” You smile at Natasha and Sam as the two of them reach you. “Look at that! No cast!” Natasha seems just as enthusiastic as you about the removal of the awful thing.

“I know! That thing was awful!”

“Last time I had a cast I went completely stir crazy. They’re such a pain, useful as they are for your bones.” It’s strange that you went from being terrified of ever meeting these people to comfortable and happy talking with them. It was a nice development, you supposed knowing a few police officers was always handy. At some point you’d be back in your own apartment again and wandering around the city on your own.

“I’m glad to be free of it, to be perfectly honest.” Bucky had wandered off to his desk, letting you continue to talk with Sam and Natasha, while he got files out. Part of him wanted this case finished, part of him didn’t because that way you’d always be around.

“You here to look at those pictures for Barnes?” Sam askes and you’re once again reminded that you’re here to do something that you probably won’t even be able to help with. You didn’t really see an identifiable face when you were attacked. The most you really got was that the person in question was light skinned. Strong. You wished you could help more with everything.  

“Yeah, I don’t know how much help I’ll be but…” You trail off as your attention is drawn by a feminine voice that grates on your nerves. One of those voices that would sound lovely if it was trying to be snide and stuck up. Your eyes follow the voice to see Dot leaning against Bucky’s desk. His arms are crossed and you can tell he wishes she was anywhere but in front of him.

“I see you’ve downgraded in the company you keep.” There’s a gesture towards you and you smile at her sarcastically. You resist the urge to put your middle finger up at her, although by the looks of Natasha she might just do that for you. If not worse. Natasha was strong, muscular and impressive and it seemed she’d officially grown a soft spot for you.

“I’ve downgraded, really? From a cheat?”

“Maybe if you had been better I wouldn’t have looked elsewhere.” You get the feeling in the back of your neck, the one that says ‘protect’ and you find yourself starting towards the two of them despite the face you knew that Bucky could look after himself. He was a grown man after all.

“Really? You’re trying to blame me? What did I need buy you enough shiny things? Not fulfil your wanton desires? Really, Dot?”

“Maybe you just weren’t man enough?”

“Or maybe you were a selfish, conniving bitch who found an equally shitty man.” You step behind her and watch her turn to you, having the gall to look offended at your words.

“How dare you!” Part of you takes joy in the prissy way she stamps her foot and scowls. Upsetting a horrible person was something that had a small amount of satisfaction. You generally as a rule tried to be nice and appreciated everyone, but that had gone out the window the moment she’d started on Bucky. Heck, the moment you were told she cheated on him.

“Are you going to go cry to your shitty boyfriend who’s an even worse cop? Or no, why would you? All he probably cares about is the thing between your legs.” Part of you feels a little bad, so unused to being mean, but part of you knows she deserves backlash for coming here and trying to upset Bucky. It had been long enough since their break up that she should have just left him alone, but you had a feeling that she enjoyed tormenting him, enjoyed throwing it in his face that she had been with someone else.

“Ugh!” You watch her storm off with a sense of satisfaction. She deserved it. Rumlow did too, unfortunately he could definitely pick you up and throw you into a wall…probably best to stick with defending Bucky from red haired exes than strong ex-partners.

You smile to yourself for a moment, you feel better than you have in a while. There’s a independence, strength you’re finally feeling again. Maybe you can go on after everything, maybe you can go back to your apartment one day and feel okay, feel safe.

"You didn't have to do that." You’re drawn out of your thoughts by Bucky. You turn to see him looking at you with an expression you can’t quite identify. Part of you worries that he’s pissed off, that you shouldn’t have interfered.

"You help me, I help you." You lean against his desk, picking up a snow globe with the Statue of Liberty in it and shaking it up and down. His desk is rather eclectic you notice, all sorts of things he must have collected over the years placed around papers and a computer. You’re sure there’s probably even more things in the drawers.

"That's different...you got assaulted by a burglar."

"Yeah, well you got emotionally assaulted by your ex-girlfriend and he technically is a girlfriend burglar."

"A girlfriend burglar?"

“Yeah. I mean…okay, so technically you can’t ‘steal’ a person, but…” You realise that maybe comparing a girlfriend to a steal-able object isn’t the best thing in the word, but technically it wasn’t inaccurate, right? You could take someone away from someone else….in a sense. Even if in this case the girl chose to go behind his back.

You focus on the snow falling inside the snow globe, still not sure if he’s unhappy that you stepped in, before a hand takes in from you and forces you to look at him. He’s smiling at you softly, like he knows you’re unsure about everything.

“Thank you.” He means it. You know he means it and you wonder if he’d gone so long without others stepping in. He seemed like the type to tell everyone he could handle it even if he couldn’t.

“You’re welcome…so these photos, let me have a look?” You step around to his side of the desk and watch him pull out photo after photo, all mug shots, presumably previously convicted and all women this time.

“If you can rule out any of them…that would be great.” They are an array of all types of women and you quickly rule out a few based on ethnicity alone…but other than that you find yourself unable to do much. You didn’t see the burglar’s face, you didn’t hear their voice or really notice their physical built. You only knew they were light skinned because of the small patch of skin at their neck and wrists that was on display.

You feel rather useless and wish you could be more help. Surely having been attacked you should have known more, but you didn’t. Ultimately you just want the person to be found and want to go back to your normal life. To go back to work and to your apartment.

As much as you adore being around Bucky, you do miss your own space. You’d get your own privacy and so would he and…maybe you could still spend time together after all this blew over. Maybe he’d like to go on a date…being in your apartment again would mean you could finally take the risk and ask him…but not just yet.

Denkiweek day 1: Future⚡️Pro⚡️Teamwork

It was just another day at the hero agency for the Pro Denki Kaminari. He came in that morning with an unknown boost of confidence. Feeling like not only looking his best, but doing so as well. He eventually sauntered in the agency’s locker room to change into his costume. However as excited as he was to finally put his look together, having bought a new choker and wanting to put his hair back in a ponytail, he unconsciously felt as if there was an empty space next to him. It was most likely because him and Kirishima would always change and conversate every morning in the locker room, aside from all the time. The reason he wasn’t there that morning was because he had to head out earlier for a special mission in the city. Denki was ok with that, but still he missed his daily dose of comments from the red-head while they changed. During the mornings when they were together, they would always help each other look their best, poke a little fun, talk about what they’ve been up to lately, even though they were basically always together so there wasn’t much one could say without the other already knowing about it, and they would even give each other great and meaningful words of encouragement. Kirishima was especially skilled in doing that, he’d always has been since their high school days, and Denki has deeply appreciated it since then too. It helped him out of many ruts when sometimes he felt he couldn’t ever be strong enough to become a hero, but seeing where he is now he could definitely owe it to those who supported him, especially Kirishima. It made him feel great knowing that Kiri would always be by his side. So reflecting on that he figured he’d make due without seeing him this one morning, along with renewing his appreciation for him too. After that, and finishing getting ready, he walked back out meeting the other heros who seemed to be discussing an emergency. He was about to cut in, until there was no need hearing his alias called out. “Hey! Chargebolt, I need you over here.” Said one of the heros. “Yeah, what’s up.” Responded Denki, walking over quickly. “We got a situation here.” The hero said as he pointed at the map simulation on the table in front of them, that seemed to pin-point the exact location of villains in the city. “There’s a huge group of villians right here in the center of the city. This is no problem, but it seems more of them spread throughout it too.” The hero explained as Denki focused and hung onto every word he was saying. “What I need is for you to take out this group right here, it is said that they are the communication and navigation team for this whole thing. Basically the eyes in the sky, if you get rid if them then everything will be disorganized on their end. Making it ten times easier for all of us to take the rest of them out. You get it?” Denki completely understood, but was still a little nervous. They’re basically asking him to take out the most important asset of their whole operation, but he immediately shook that feeling off. He knew he could do this, and if Kiri was here right now he would tell him the same thing. Knowing that gave him all the confidence he needed to answer the next question. “Can you do that for us Chargebolt?” Asked the same hero. “Leave it to me!” Answered Denki confidently. They all then set out to complete their mission. However later on when Denki went to do his part, things were not going as planned. Everything started off well, he was able to stealthily find out where those villians were and began his assault. He went all out on them with his electricity along with delivering a few swift blows, taking most of them out. However when it came to the last guy he wasn’t only strong, but appeared to have a quirk that made him impervious to his electric attacks. Still determined to take him down he pulled out all his tricks, but nothing seemed to work. He eventually pushed way too hard and ran out of energy. Logically after years of training he no longer went brain dead when this happened, he simply ran out of energy and needed a moment to refuel. However he couldn’t find this moment with the villain still trying to take him down, so he instinctively ran just to get a good minuet away from him. He got away as fast as he could, but the villain was still close on his tail and getting closer. He wouldn’t be able to do this much longer, so he decided to make the smart choice and call for help using his headset. It would help to call out to any hero in the area since it became a new requirement for all heros to wear at least one communication device for situations like this. “Hello anyone, this is the stun gun hero Chargebolt, I need backup!” He urgently said into his headset, dodging everyday items trying to slip away from the villain who’s only concern seemed to be catching Denki at the moment. “Hello, I need anyone the villain is gaining and I am out of energy!” As he said the next line the villain only seemed to be getting closer and closer as Denki turned into an ally to avoid causing danger to anyone on the streets. “I need backup now the villain is in high pursuits!” He said as the villain was practically on his tail. He started to panic until he finally heard a response on his headset. “Chargebolt this is Red Riot coming in for backup, but I need your location.” Denki’s heart practically fluttered when he not only heard a response but heard that it was from Kiri. However he remembered the moment at hand and immediately responded. “Red Riot, I am in the large connection of alleyways in middle of the city I’m still being chased so look out for-AHHH!” He was so caught up in talking to Kiri and telling him where he was, that started to unconsciously slow down his running so the villain eventually caught up to him, and slammed him on the ground. “Chargebolt are you ok?! I’m coming as fast as I c-” Before Kiri could finish the villain smashed Denki’s headset just for the heck of it and slammed him against the wall. “AHHGH!!” Denki winced in pain from the impact. Then the villain slowly began to squeeze him in his large hands cutting off Denki’s airways. Denki tried his best to resist but the villain still kept going, his breathing was becoming narrow and he started to feel lightheaded until he heard footsteps and yelling coming from somewhere. “LET HIM GO!!” Yelled Kiri as he jumped from atop the building Denki was slammed into, then he hardened up and threw himself into the villians face knocking him back and making him release Denki. Denki fell to the ground and paced his breathing, smirking as he looked up at Kiri who was currently trying to fight the villian back. After a few moments Kiri landed a good blow on the villain knocking him down giving him time to turn back to Denki and help him. “Hey Denki are you ok?” He said reaching out his hand for him. “Y-Yeah I’m fine, thanks.” He said taking Kiri’s hand and standing up. “But that villians not gonna be when we’re done.” Denki said with sudden determination. “Yeah I’ll go kick his butt.” Kiri said before he was stopped. “No! Eiji, didn’t you hear me just say ‘we’re’! This guy is really tuff! So we have to have a plan and most importantly we have to work together!” Denki exclaimed concerned. “Yeah, totally, of course.” Kiri responded snapping out of his small daze determined to take down this baddie. After that they noticed that the villian was starting to get up so Denki quickly conveyed his plan to Kiri. “Ok here’s the plan, while the villian was trying you make me go unconscious I noticed that the only reason why my moves wouldn’t work on him is because he’s wearing armor that makes him resistant to elemental quirks. But I also found some of his weak spots while trying stay awake, and there is a huge one on his back. You think you can pry that open for me?” “Yeah totally lets do this!” “Together?” Denki said holding his arm up, with a balled fist. “Together!” Responded Kiri bumping their arms together hooking them securely. They gave each other determined and passionate looks before they carried out with the plan. Kiri ran full force towards the villian, delivering heavy blows. Denki had to stay back for just a second so he could recharge enough to deliver that final blow they needed. He couldn’t stay back the entire time though, Denki said they were going to do this together and he meant it. So after a moment he ran towards the villian too, and started attacking the lower part of his body hoping to get him off balance. Thankfully they eventually succeeded and as the villian fell Kiri pried open the back of his armor and called out to Denki. “CHARGEBOLT NOW!!” Denki ran over and electrocuted the exposed spot, as Kiri instinctively hardened up. It took every jolt that Denki had left to finally knock out the villian, so when he finally collapsed Denki collapsed with him. When the job was finished Kiri let go of the villian and quickly went to Denki’s side, sitting him up against the wall so he could rest easier. Some time passed after Kiri called for assistance, some heros and police showed up to pick up the villian and check out Denki. Kiri assured then that he was ok though and he just needed to rest so he would just take him home. After everything was taking care of, Kiri started to head home carrying Denki on his back. A few minutes passed an eventually Denki nodded awake. “Well hello sleeping beauty.” Said Kiri Denki sluggishly punched him before responding.“ So how did everything turn out?” “Great actually, after you passed out some heros and police came to pickup that trash then after checking you out I took the honor of carrying you home.” Kiri explained “Hehehe well thanks for that.” Denki responded “No problem. Ya know you did really great out there, not only did you beat that group of villians down but you were still able to take on that tuff one with some awesome observation skills, that was super manly. Plus I’m glad I joined in, its super amazing fighting with you we make a great team.” “Hehe yeah we really do.” Denki said genuinely. “Hey Eiji.” “Yeah Denki?” “Thanks.” “Oh no problem dude, you can always count me in on a brawl.” “Yeah but not just that.” “Then what else?” “Thanks for..being my teammate, and being by my side, and always being there when I need it. I really do appreciate it all, and have ever since the start. Just thank you Eiji, you’re the reason why I’m as good of a hero as I am.” Denki said lowly but with no less gratitude, in fact he even gained a little more. “Of course Denki, and I just want you to know that you are a great hero, and I’ll always be your teammate.” Kiri said looking back at Denki with compassionate eyes. Denki gave Kiri the same look and wrapped his arms around him and gave him a big aqueeze while Kiri warmed up to the hug. When Denki released Kiri continued to walk them home as they talked the whole way there. “Ya know since your awake, you can walk yourself now.” “Mmm, nah I’m feeling lazy.” “There’s a shock. OW! I thought you were too tired to use your quirk.” “Yeah, but making you shut up takes no effort.” “Pfffft haha oh really.” “Yeah really hehehe.” They continued to talk and laugh their whole way home, feeling they had a pretty productive day hero-ing and bonding.

Do not reblog this. Text from the ex.

I want to rant safely. If you have anything to say to me about it, PM me–trust me, I really appreciate and welcome your support right now.

Those of you who are following me, it’s because I messaged you to let you know that I’d deleted my old blog because my ex found it. It sucks that I can’t feel safe even when anonymous. Only one personal real life friend knew about the blog, and while I trust her, I wonder if she let it slip. So I made this new one.

My ex texted me to gaslight me about the things I posted in said blog. And I got a panic attack reading his BS. I questioned everything, and in the end I actually have solid evidence and people backing me up to prove that he is a lying scumbag. Thank goodness for that or I’d be a complete mess right now instead. And thank goodness for the counselor who said that an anonymous blog is a perfectly healthy outlet.

This text is largely about things I said in a post I’d written about how he would insert himself into situations where he knew he wasn’t welcome so he could play the victim. My point at the end was that’s a similar tactic to what Milo Yiannapoulus does and that’s why he goes to places where he knows he’s not welcome. So you have context.

Here’s the text:

—————————————

K, apparently I need to remind you that I was sexually assaulted by a board member at [NAME REDACTED] and that was why I dreaded returning there to see or perform in shows. It had nothing to do with isolating you from your friends (which I do not remember [NAMES REDACTED] being at the time, anyway). I was scared to go back there because I knew I would have to face my attacker (remember when he grabbed our tickets and ripped them up right in front of us?). For six years together, you never accused me of making all that up or “playing the victim,” but now, because I broke up with you, you assign blame and false motives to things I had no control over.

I went to Applebee’s that night after confirming with three people that you would not be there. I am not actively trying to run into you places. I have moved on and have a new life that you are not part of. It’s you who are stuck in the past after two years apart, both in the theatre community and on your blog.

It takes a lot of nerve to write a blog about gaslighting when much of what you write in the blog is completely made up (I think [NAME REDACTED] and I would remember you having a bloody nose that night) and the things you did to me are purposely left out to make yourself look like a victim.

You know what *is* a deliberate manipulation strategy and a tactic of emotional abuse? Lying to your current boyfriend about your ex (He tried to poison me!) and claiming he is tormenting you just by existing. During the first run of [SHOW REDACTED], you write long, harassing e-mails to [NAME REDACTED] every day but then came to me and told me he was tormenting you, even though he had moved on and never engaged you at all throughout the entire run of the show. Now you do the same thing to your current boyfriend, playing the victim and obsessing over a relationship that ended over two years ago so he will be terrified to leave you because he sees what a hell you make life for the men who had the audacity to break free of you.

And no, it is not “harassment” for me to contact you (or [NAME] or [NAME] or [NAME REDACTED]) when you defame me on social media and I confront you about it. It is harassment for you to continue to torment me with these rants that have nothing to do with the person I am now and, in many cases, are about a person you’ve made up in your head who I never was.

My existence does not revolve around you. If I go to Applebee’s with old friends, that is not about you. If I go to see my friends in a play, that is not about you. If Milo Yiannopoulos goes to speak at a university, that is not about you, or me, or the theatre. Stop making everything about you. And if you’re going to write a blog about abuse, maybe you should stand up for the real survivors of abuse, instead of concocting a fictitious past where you are one of them. —————————————

The response I will never send because I do not want to start with him:

Paragraph 1:

1) I know he was sexually assaulted at the theater where he isolated me from. (Actually, I technically don’t, but I do believe him on this.) But his attacker had long since been banned from that theater during the time I brought up. 2) If he wanted to avoid the theater even so, I would understand. But there was no reason to tell me I wasn’t allowed to go. Furthermore, he based all his reasons around me not being allowed to go around the producers and how they had allegedly mistreated the two of us and not around his sexual assault. He tried to convince me that they were all against me and would try to hurt me. 3) The specific incident I mentioned in the blog where he isolated me from these people was again years after he had been assaulted, and he decided to tell me AS I WAS ON MY WAY OVER that he would never trust me again if I went. These people spent a lot of money on my meal for their ceremony and he made me cancel last minute so their money was wasted. Why not tell me earlier? Because he wanted them to hate me. 4) For months, he would not allow me to audition there because of his own personal beef with the theater. Yet ONE WEEK after he left me, he told me he was going to audition there. (He didn’t. I’m really grateful because I did! And that’s where I met my current partner!) Why, if this theater was so traumatizing to him that the thought of my going there was ripping him apart, did he even consider it? 5) Again, attacker long since gone–but no, I do NOT remember the incident where he ripped up our tickets in front of us. He told me that story later, that he ripped up our tickets so we’d have to sit with him. I have never once sat in a theater with his attacker and if the incident happened, it was not with me. 6) Never accused him of faking his assault because I’m not an asshole, I genuinely do believe he was sexually assaulted. But I never thought he was playing the victim until I realized how entrenched in emotional abuse I was. I internalized everything as my fault. Including my own disability, which he convinced me was my own fault many times. (As in, why didn’t I go get a treatment at a certain time. And also, my complaining about pain was abusive and manipulative. He told me that.)

Paragraph 2:

Maybe he didn’t try to go hang out with the cast of the show the night I was there because I was there. But three people? Nearly everyone in that theater hates him and he had only one friend in that show. When he came to hang out with the cast, several friends texted me to say that no one was talking to him except this one friend. Everyone else hates him and not because of me–because he was a jerk to a lot of people, and because of the animosity between him and the theater. Like I said in that blog post, there’s blame on both sides to that, but the fact remains that he purposely went to a place where he’s hated and then his one friend treated him like a victim.

Paragraph 3:

HERE IS WHERE WE GET TO THE FUN PART. He tells me that most everything in the blog was made up. He gives me an example where he makes it sound like someone else is calling me a liar with him to try to convince me that I’m lying to myself. It’s no longer his word against mine, he has a witness! …Guess what? I texted that witness, and what did she say? That she has not talked to him for two years because she’s unfriended and ignored him, and that she definitely remembers the incident that I made up! I’m really glad he gave an example with a witness because damn, was it easy to verify that he is a gaslighting liar in this case.

Paragraph 4:

1) So this first part is somewhat true though highly exaggerated and I wasn’t lying. I had an ex boyfriend who became a roommate a while after we broke up. He kept spraying something in the apartment that he knew I was having strong reactions to and had gone to the hospital. I had written confession from him and medical bills. So yeah, the fucker poisoned me, it’s not really a strong choice of words here. I sent him a few emails trying to get closure at times, most of them while still living with him so that I could articulate it properly. I never said the guy’s existence was tormenting me, though a few years later he walked in to the DMV where I was and I got an anxiety attack from seeing him. (Goddammit.) I was more furious at myself than at him for having the reaction, because oh right, my ex made me think my disabilities were my fault and I was abusing him when I was in pain. 2) But. How DARE he bring up my current partner and tell me that he is too afraid to leave me because I make life hell for the men who “break free” of me? This part hurt the most because I’m always insecure about being loved. I almost didn’t tell my partner any of this because it would be “proving him right”. He really messed with my head on this one. And even when my partner reassured me that he loved me, I didn’t believe it until he gave third party evidence from his friends that they’ve never seen him this happy and healthy before.

Paragraph 5:

1) I have never defamed him on social media, and neither have any of the people he mentioned. Those are other people who have blocked him because he was a jerk to them on social media. None of us posted his name to anything. In fact, the only time I even mentioned anything he did post-breakup was when he hacked into my Facebook and I still didn’t mention him by name. All I said was that my Facebook had been hacked and I needed friends not to share my private info with others because they are making me unsafe. Never said anything about him on Facebook, only on this private Tumblr. 2) How am I tormenting or harassing him by writing a private blog that none of his friends will ever read, nor do mine? His name isn’t in it, I didn’t send it to him, and nobody is harassing him about it because they don’t know it exists.

Paragraph 6: I know the world doesn’t revolve around me. I hope you feel super special that you hurt me badly enough that I get panic attacks reading texts from you two years later.

And a PS: he writes a public blog, with his name attached to it, in which he talks shit about his ex girlfriends (not by name, but still recognizable) and wrote a fiction piece that trash talks the theater he isolated me from. Oh, and he has written about abuse in the Good Men Project. So maybe if he thinks he’s so abused, he shouldn’t send a huge long vindictive thing directly to that ex who allegedly manipulated and emotionally abused him.

See? I’m doing mine anonymously, not to him. Try it sometime.