Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

weird (not quite) autumn- one layer practice Mae with some vague leaves stuck on for funsies

:D

Gay people...

Guys I finished it!!!

Tom's line about Shiv being selfish and "find[ing] it very hard to think about me" is actually so telling because while it's absolutely true that she rarely takes his position into consideration, Tom never once thinks about what he can do to help Shiv unless it also benefits him.

Every single time he makes a move or sacrifice that might help her, it's always something that he thinks will give him a leg up. He volunteers to take the fall for cruises, not for Shiv, who is in no way implicated, or even for Waystar, but because he thinks it'll ingratiate him to Logan, and the second it seems like he might have to actually follow through on that, he immediately tries to get out of it and even throws Shiv under the bus. Meanwhile, for all that Shiv disregards his interests, there are a number of things she does that only help him, and she's the one who actually sacrifices something and undermines her position with Logan to beg him not to let Tom go to jail.

It just makes it so clear that no matter how much he might love her (and I think he does, in his own compromised way), for him their relationship was always built on the underlying assumption that it's her job to prop him up, but it's not his job to help her.

“Johnny helps Kenshi eat” yeah his ass

reblog art, goddamnit

Some doodles

(Yes ik the first pic is fake but it's silly though lmao)

(been relistening to cr2 some more) love so much when caduceus has his vry religious very ritualistic moments. its nice. love the slow methodical ritual of it all . love him talking to others like yasha or fjord about it and the extremely slow and careful wording of exactly what he wants to say . love him gently laying a body to rest or growing tea for it . its just niceys

hi!! first i wanted to say that ur art is so AWESOME and i'm going to start reading unfair circumstances as soon as i send this ask :D

but anyways,, i'd love to hear some of ur heart issues!vox hcs!!1!

(/nf of course!!)

thank you that means a lot!! And thank you for checking out the fic :3!! I don't have a whole lot of headcanons but sure :3!! I feel like with his powers he was just destined for heart issues....

But i feel like his powers would take a hefty toll on him.... iirc one of his monitors was displaying his heart rate during stayed gone....

so he has to watch himself to make sure hes not overworking his body too much....

i feel like he keeps track/records his heart probably daily just to make sure, probably like a portable monitor or maybe figured out a way to internally track it or smething....

His body is wired SO weirdly so he definitely has blood flow issues too.

i feel like he already had issues before coming to hell (and i like the hc that he died of a heart attack ;3 !), but when he got to hell it got so much worse..

When a cannibal falls in love with a fisherman... (all made using this)

You have to look at these