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#with having them have those tragic heart wrenching moments

thehighladywrites · 5 months

Text

I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater…

Pairing: azriel x reader, the ic, lucien and elain, and helion mentioned

Summary: angst, no happy ending for him, a bit ooc azriel bc he’s an absolute ass in this. also I can’t make elain the villain bc I love her. bittersweet ending, cassian and feyre being the most wonderul people ever. some swearing, like a tiiiiiny nsfw scene, like it barely counts, but i’ll warn you anyways.

Author’s note: yeah, this was inspired by heather, so definitely listen to it while reading💔 i just think this was the perfect day👀 never again am i writing angst, plus i might have been a bit dramatic when said this was gut-wrenching, i don’t think this was very angsty, just a bit tragic. but i hate angst so any angst is gut-wrenching in my eyes🤷🏽‍♀️ also there’s no revenge better than rising above…

Word count: 6,5 k words

If you see any grammar errors or spelling mistakes, no you didn’t ❤️

"Y/n, I practically hear your teeth chattering. Here, wear this." Azriel removed his sweater, passing it to you with a hint of concern in his eyes. You bit the inside of your lip to keep from smiling, he was always so thoughtful and observant. It was on of the reasons you fell in love with him.

"It's okay, Az, you'll freeze." You attempted to return the warm clothes, but he firmly pushed them back, fixing you with a stare that left no argument.

"I won't freeze. You know I'm used to this weather. Bet you miss your old home right about now." He alluded to your home court, The Day Court where the sun always shines, and standing on the balcony on a crisp December morning doesn't make your fingers feel like they'll fall off.

You arrived in Velaris to assist with document translations, given your expertise. Your services were in high demand across various courts. And initially, a month-long stay extended to two, then three. Eventually, enchanted by Velaris and its people, you asked Helion if you could make it your permanent home. The support of your friends added to the whole experience.

You slid into Azriel's warm sweater, feeling its comforting embrace. The fabric whispered tales of comfort and safety, an unspoken promise against the biting cold. As you adjusted to the newfound warmth, your heart felt a different heat—one that spoke against the unspoken feelings you had towards him. The subtle scent of his cologne lingered, intertwining with the softness of the fabric, creating a scent that seemed to make your heart flutter twice as hard. In that moment, you couldn't help but let the warmth of the sweater mirror the warmth within you.

“ Feel better?” You nodded, avoiding his eyes in fear that he’d be able to see the emotions portrayed on your face.

“ Thanks, Az. For the sweater and all. It’s really warm.”

The corner of his lips twitched as his eyes remained on you, “Keep it. It looks better on you than it ever did me anyways.”

He grabbed your hand before you could respond and walked back in, closing the balcony doors. Stuck between friends and something more, you felt lost. Wanting to confess your feelings to Azriel but scared it could mess things up, you were torn. The shared laughs felt like good friends, but those lingering looks sparked a longing for more. Balancing this act, you wrestled with risking the friendship for a shot at something deeper. In the middle of all this, you were standing there, not sure which way to go.

As you hesitated walking further with him, Azriel noticed you stopped walking and furrowed his brow. "Hey, what's up?" he asked, his eyes reflecting genuine concern.

You wanted to tell Azriel how you felt, but doubts held you back. As you looked at him, the sweater felt heavy with unsaid words. You wondered if it's better to say what's on your mind or keep it to yourself. Fear answered for you as you shook your head and gave him a reassuring smile.

——————

Later that day, during dinner, Azriel asked you to meet him in the upstairs library while your friends were distracted, to which you accepted, head spinning at the possibilities.

In the quiet sanctuary of the library, the air thick with unreadable energy, Azriel's eyes met yours. Without a word, he closed the distance and gently pressed his lips to yours, a silent acceptance of the feelings that had lingered in the unspoken spaces between you. The unexpected kiss marked a sweet transition between friendship and the uncharted territory of something more.

——————

For over a year, you and Azriel kept things under wraps, not really calling it a relationship. It was a secret, a kind of unspoken understanding. The stolen moments and shared looks formed the backbone of whatever it was between you. You regularly fell in each other’s beds and spent intimate moments together. There was however one specific night you’d always cherish.

You were in his bed, cuddling after he gave you yet another amazing time. Your legs were h thrown over his hips as you occasionally kissed his plushy lips. He held you tighter and ran his hand under your sweater. His eyes were lidded as he whispered intimately,

“ This sweater looks so fucking good on you, please never take it off. I’ve never given anything to another woman, but there’s something special about you. I love it when you wear it, like a reminder that you’re mine. No one else will wear it.” He pulled you closer and kissed your neck and collarbones. His hot breath made yours hitch as he fondled with your stiffened nipples.

Your attempt to come up with a response faltered as he brushed over another sensitive area, prompting a moan to escape your lips.

————————————

But as time passed, the lack of clarity started to wear on you. The hidden nature of it all was both a source of comfort and frustration. You yearned for more, a real relationship, a label to put on what you had with Azriel.

But with the war and Feyre's sisters entering the scene, everything got complicated. Your attention got scattered, and the chaos made the unspoken thing with Azriel less of a priority for a while.

————————————

After the traumatic and bloody war, you tried to seek Azriel for comfort, but he busied himself with Elain. His focus seemed to be on her, making it hard to find a moment to reconnect. The situation left you feeling unsure about where things stood between you two.

As the days went by, you noticed Elain entering Azriel's world completely, capturing his attention in a way that left you filled with jealousy and pit growing in your stomach. Her presence became a subtle intrusion, and the shared moments that were once exclusively yours now seemed to be scattered between you and her. The laughter and conversations, once intimate, now carried a different tone, a rushed tone to hurry away to Elain. A pang of jealousy crept into your heart, and the undefined nature of your connection with Azriel began to feel more fragile. The fear of losing him to someone else tugged at your emotions, leaving you questioning the unspoken relationship you had shared for so long.

You couldn’t even blame him. Elain was a sight for sore eyes, a beautiful girl with an even more beautiful soul. She had only treated you with kindness, giving you thoughtfull Solstice gifts and advice when needed.

You couldn’t justifiably be mad at her.

You’d pick her over you too.

—————————

Maybe you should just face your problems head on and ask him for some advice to break the newfound ice. His grunts were heard as he punched cassians face, getting some blood on his knuckles. Approaching him in the training pit, you hoped he wouldn’t dismiss you. “ Hey, Az, can we talk?”

Looking at you with an unreadable expression, he sharply replied, “Yeah, sure, quick. What's up?”

You tentatively asked, noticing his mood, “ Um, you wanna go for a walk? I haven’t seen you for a while. Also, we’re supposed to meet tonight, are you still up for it?”

He glanced around, eyes searching for an out, “Can it wait? I've got something I need to take care of.”

You felt dismissed as he didn’t even address what you mentioned and used whatever power you had left and asked, “ I just thought-“

"Look, I'll catch up with you later, alright? But yeah, I guess i’ll meet you tonight." After Azriel quickly walked off, you felt a sting from his unintentional rudeness. He had been acting like this for a while now and they way he hurriedly accepted your offer was making you feel like a second choice. But why? You did want to meet him and he did say yes, so why in the mother’s name did this feel so…?

Trying to shake it off, you found a quiet spot to gather your thoughts. Doubts crept in, making you wonder if his abrupt exit meant something more. Left alone with unanswered questions, you thought about having a straightforward talk about where you stand in his life.

“Hey, you okay? What was that about?” Cassian’s tone was so gentle and inviting and it almost made you spill everything right there, but he already had his own issues and problems with Nesta so you didn’t want to burden him further.

"It was nothing. I, uh, I'll see you later, Cas." You hastily departed, your eyes stinging with impending tears.

————————————

He was late. Again. This had happened seceral times before and despite agreeing to see him tonight, his prolonged absence weighed on you. Feeling a bit pathetic, you rose from your armchair and slipped under the covers, opting for a deep, dreamless sleep.

————————————

As war flashbacks filled your mind, and a suffocating panic took hold in the middle of the night, leaving you sweating. You threw of your sheets, gasping as you made your way to door. Desperate, you rushed to find Azriel, your heart beating louder than the echoing footsteps in the quiet hallways. You hoped to find comfort, a break from your horrors, as you hurried along.

Turning a corner, the world shattered around you. Azriel and Elain stood in an embrace, lost in a kiss that felt like a thousand daggers piercing your chest. The air in your lungs disappeared , replaced by a crushing weight that threatened to swallow you whole. Time was lost as you grappled with the horrible realization that the sanctuary you sought was crumbling before your eyes.

Your Azriel wasn’t yours anymore.

Your Azriel wasn’t ever truly yours, a taunting voice spewed in your head

Quietly, your broken heart mirrored the shattered moonlight, pain etched into you, stranded in heartbreak's silent hallway where quiet screamed louder than war's echoes.

He had chosen to be with Elain even though he promised you he’d see you.

———————————

Your heart was in your throat as you went downstairs for breakfast. The memory of Azriel shoving his tounge down Elains throat was still so fresh and it made something in you ache.

The dining room buzzed with the voices of friends and family as you dropped into a chair between Feyre and Lucien, saving space for more seats in front of you. Glancing to the right from your plate, you noticed Lucien, as he cut into his eggs. Oddly, you hadn't known he was back, despite being good friends. Ever since he learned about his father, he'd been curious about your old home in the day court, where his father ruled. You two became fast friends, and you promised to take him on an exclusive trip there anytime he wanted.

“ Hey, Lucien. How was your trip and when did you come back, I didn’t hear you enter yesterday.”

Yeah because you probably cried yourself to sleep, maybe that’s why.

He flashed his charming smile, tilting his head with playful eyes. "Missed me, Y/n?" he teased, laughing as you playfully punched his arm. Only he would crack jokes so early in the morning.

Deciding to tease him back, you couldn't resist digging into the details of his trip to the continent. You never got tired of his adventures, loving how he narrated them with grace and humor, making you feel like you were right there with him.

"Yeah, so what if I missed you? I enjoy having you around, Luc. But seriously, spill. Did you take down any monsters? Save any damsels in distress?"

Lucien chuckled, leaning in with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Well, I did fight off a swarm of overeager pigeons. Does that count as saving the day or just a triumph against feathery creatures?" he quipped, his laughter infectious.

You howled at the thought of a flock of birds surrounding your friend, pecking at him while he irritatingly tries to remove them.

The room fell silent as Azriel walked in with Elain, and your laughter faded.

A mix of hot and cold flashes hit you as you saw Elain wearing your sweater.

The sweater Azriel gave you a year ago—the one that meant a lot to you.

The one you had grown to love and was a reminder of what could be.

The one that cemented your feelings for him.

He gave it to Elain.

The one he was kissing last night.

The one he swapped you with and then got irritated when you tried to approach him.

The one who was mated to the seething male next to you.

The weight of everyone's stares bore down on you as Elain and Azriel took their seats in front of you and Lucien. Feyre and Cassian's eyes felt like lasers on the side of your head as you couldn't look away from your sweater now worn by Elain. Confusion gnawed at you – you'd tossed it into the laundry basket, yet there she was, flaunting it. The fact that Azriel didn't seem to care only added to the bewilderment, even when he knew what it meant to you. Irritation sparked in you as you got ready to chew him out, because who the hell wears something that doesn’t belong to them. And maybe Elain didn’t know but Azriel sure as hell did and you had enough of whatever bullshit this was. But before you were able to speak up, Feyre beat you to it.

“Elain, where did you get that sweater? I’m pretty sure it’s y/n’s.” Everyone looked back at Elain as red colored her cheeks, she meekly looked at you as she sputtered her explanation.

“ I hope it’s okay y/n, I didn’t know it was yours. I was in the laundry room with Azriel and I got… Well I, I um, got dirty, so he handed me this shirt and told me it was okay but I should’ve asked. Do you want it back?”

Numbness was all you could describe what you felt like. There was no way to miss the insinuation. They fucked and he gave her your sweater to wear after. And she didn’t even know it was yours, so you didn’t blame her. You found a new level of respect for Lucien, because you weren’t even mated to Azriel and you felt all this pain. You couldn’t even begin to imagine how he felt.

Not having the energy for this you gave her a sweet smile and said something that made Azriel’s eyes stay on you the rest of the meal.

“No worries, Elain. The shirt means nothing to me. Keep it. It looks better on you than it ever did on me, anyway.”

You casually picked up your fork, trying to eat away the tension that lingered in the air. Throughout the meal, Lucien remained tense next to you, his mate leaning against the shadowsinger, his arm around her. The gesture practically shouting that he didn't care about Elain's mate sitting across from him, much to Rhysand's dismay.

"Lucien, I'm full. Do you want to accompany me to town? There are a few things I need to get, and I could use some help carrying them." You extended your hand, and he took it, ever the gentleman, placing it so you held onto his arm with a smile.

————————————

Reaching the pathway to the town square, the open nature felt like a breath of fresh air. Despite you and Lucien being able to winnow, a walk through the cold December morning seemed necessary to clear your head. Glancing at Lucien, you sensed a shared need for clarity. Unable to contain it any longer, you decided to spill everything, the weight of unspoken words demanding release.

“I’ll be honest, I suspected something along those lines. I mean you weren’t being subtle about it. But the sweater threw me off.”

“Oh, I suppose our subtlety is not relevant anymore. Lucien, I just want you to know how much I appreciate you and hold you in high regard. Feel free to share anything; I'm here to listen. I can't even fathom how hard it must be when you're mated.”

His sad laughter echoed, tugging at your heartstrings, confirming that it wasn't an easy situation. As he opened up, every word he shared made perfect sense, resonating with what you were feeling.

After wandering around The Rainbow, sipping hot chocolates, and sharing your thoughts, you headed home. However, upon your return to The House, you were greeted by a pacing and visibly upset Azriel. Furrowing your eyebrows, you looked at Lucien who looked just as confused as you. Azriels pacing came to a halt as he quickly made his way over to you.

“ Where have you been? I looked for you everywhere. Why where you out with him?” Hot fury coarsed through your veins as you snapped at his tone. Just who the hell did he think he was?

“Where I am and who I'm with isn't your concern. Now excuse me, I'm going to my room. Lucien, I'll see you around. Thank you for your help.” You stood on your toes, giving Lucien a kiss on the cheek, and then briskly walked to your room, leaving Azriel with his thoughts. Though he certainly didn’t think very long as his footsteps inched closer behind you.

Azriel stood before you with a tense expression. “Why were you with Lucien?” he demanded, his eyes searching for answers.

As much as you missed him and ached for him, there wasn’t a single planet where you’d let him disrespect you and then demand answers like some jealous boyfriend. Anger took over as you stood tall and laid everything for him.

“Listen, I don’t know what you think you’re doing but you can’t talk to me like that. Lucien is a good male, you should know, your fucking his mate and he hasn’t murdered you yet.”

His face was back to it’s neutral state, the state of the shadowsinger and spymaster of the night court. He stepped closer, jaw tight as he spewed words that made your blood boil.

“I don’t want to see you around Lucien again. I don’t care that you’re friends because it looks like you want to fuck him. You belong to me and I don’t share.”

The possessiveness normally would’ve turned you on as it once did when a male tried to hit on you a few months ago. But this just made you want to punch him clean across his face.

“Azriel, I’m not sure you’re hearing me. I may see whoever I want because you’re not my father or mate or anything. And I’m not a thing, I do not belong to you so I will do whatever pleases me.” You stepped closer, interrupting whatever he was about to say.

“Unless you’re actually disturbed, then you’re capable of understanding that you’ve chosen Elain, you’ve neglected me and have chosen her. I don’t blame you, the heart wants what it wants. But atleast grow a pair and say it to my fucking face. How dare you come to me and demand I stop seeing my friend?”

“ Y/n, let me just-”

“ No, i’m saying what I’m going to say then me and you never have to talk unless it’s absolutely necessary.” The last bit of anger you had, fired up the question you had been asking yourself for a while.

“Why did you give her my sweater when you said you’d never give it to anyone. Why would you ever give her what’s mine? From my laundry basket? Are you truly heartless or just plain stupid? And why do you care about what im doing? You’ve made it clear we’re over.” You swallowed back your tears, determination winning over the burning behind your eyes, no fucking way would you cry in front of him.

His words devoid of any sense of emotion rattled you. He ignored everything you said as he gave his stupid answer.

“First of all, it’s just polyester. You’re acting like a child over a shirt. And you’re my mate, so I think I get some say in who you see.” As if his words triggered something, an obnoxious golden thread snapped itse in your chest. The weight of it heavy with sadness and betrayal.

He looked bored and uninterested as he stared you down. “I’ve always wanted a mated and when you first arrived, the bond snapped into place, hence why I fucked you for over a year. And I almost told you about it but then Elain came along and I realized I love her more than I want a mate. You know, The Mother is cruel, she should’ve just made me and her mates so we could’ve skipped this ugly little moment. Oh well-”

A grunt escapes as he staggered back from your punch. That arrogant, hypocritical piece of shit knew you were his mate, he knew it every single time he bedded you, he knew it when you cried and laughed, he knew it when you told him how much you wanted one.

He knew and he didn’t care.

A whirlwind of emotions hit you as the bond intensified. A headache crept in as you turned away and left in silence, your head filling with questions.

How could you face him without the urge to punch again? Did Elain know all this? Did anyone? How could you stay here without wanting to kill him? And why was your face wet?

You halted, a trembling hand reaching for your face. Tears flowed, and a humorless, empty laugh escaped you. You hurried back to your room, sobs breaking through. Collapsing onto the bed, waves of sadness, heartbreak, and betrayal overwhelmed you.

————————————

You stayed in your room, wallowing in self-pity for the next few days without eating or seeing anyone. The House put several plates of food on the table next to you but you just felt nauseous. Your friends had reached out and tried to talk to you only to be met with your silence, it speaking loud enough for them to understand you didn’t want to see anyone.

A knock made you snap your head up as the person persisted. Irritation sparked in you as the knocks kept up. Letting out a sound of annoyance you got up, letting your legs get adjusted from the days of not using them, before strutting over and throwing the door open only to be met with by Cassian and Feyre.

“ Oh, what are you doing here, I think I’ve made myself very clear. I’m really not inte the mood for this.” You sensed an intervention and there couldn’t possibly be a worse time. They ignored you, much to your dismay, and just stepped in and plopped down on one of the plush sofas that decorated your room.

“ Y/n, we haven’t seen you for almost a week. I’ve accepted you don’t want to see anyone but i’m starting to get really worried. Please know that whatever’s burdening you doesn’t have to weigh on your shoulders alone. We’re here for you and if you don’t want to talk to us then maybe Azriel? I know you like each other and have some connection.” Your stomach dropped when she mentioned his name.

"No, absolutely not Azriel. I never want to see that lying son of a bitch ever." They appeared alarmed and confused since you always spoke highly of him. Feyre and Cassian were the only ones aware of the true nature of your relationship with him. They had supported you, and were the only ones shocked about the sweater Elain wore, knowing its significance to you.

"What do you mean? What did he do?" They rose to give you a hug, noticing your eyes glossing over. Sitting on either side of you, they held you as you poured out the details. In the safety of your friends’ embrace, you told the painful details of Azriel's betrayal. The room echoed with the weight of your emotions as they listened, offering comfort and understanding.

"I feel so stupid. I know he's my mate, but I still feel betrayed. He made it clear we were just sleeping together, but there were so many mixed signals, and I just... I don't know. I have no anger left; I honestly don't care anymore. And I know it's not Elain's fault because she doesn't know we're mates, but I'm afraid I'll hurt her if I see her near Azriel. Gods, I really admire Lucien. I wonder how he's gone this long without breaking down." You shook your head as you looked to them. Their expression was laced with sadness and anger towards the spymaster.

“ I’ll kick his ass today at training, I’m so sorry honey.” Cassian was filled with conflict and anger at his dear friend being put through this. And Feyre didn’t look better as she glared at the door as if Azriel might suddenly appear. They were finally both mated and could imagine the pain of their mate doing something like this.

“ Y/n, do you want to come with me and stay at the River House? Maybe some time away from him will do you good. Lucien is also staying there and he has been down lately too. I’ve talked to him and your situations are very similar. Maybe you should talk to him.” Feyre held your hand, her voice gentle as she gave you a smile when you nodded, accepting the offer.

Cassian walked over to your closet and packed you a bag of clothes while Feyre led you to your vanity and brushed through your hair. She pulled it into one of the simpler styles you usually went for. You went onto the bathroom and took a quick shower. Cassian knocked softly and handed you a change of clothes. You felt an overwhelming gratitude for your friends caring nature as tears welled up in your eyes. They approached with laughter, and it sparked a genuine smile from you. Gods, you loved your friends.

—————————

Azriel flew back to The House after spending the day with Elain and dropping her off outside the River House. Though he loved Elain, she hadn’t reciprocated his feelings and it grated his nerves. He threw away a perfectly good mate. She should be loving him back too. As he entered The House, the unusual silence struck him. Cassian and Nesta’s typical noise was absent, and the absence of any sound from you heightened his worry. Azriel anxiously opened doors and searched every corner, looking for any sign of anyone.

He remembered that it was Sunday, the day of their usual family dinner. He let out a sigh of relief and changed before flying to the estate.

————————————

Your wineglass paused mid-air as Azriel walked in, placing a kiss on Elain's shoulder. She glanced at Lucien, subtly distancing herself. Despite her evident discomfort, Azriel nonchalantly put his arm around her. You felt bad for Elain. Maybe she wasn’t feeling Azriel anymore but didn’t have the heart to tell him.

A snarl ripped you from your thoughts as Lucien stood up looking murderous. Elain looked up at him with a hint of relief as Azriel simply pulled her closer and stared at him, face unreadable.

“Get your arm off her before I kill you.” Luciens voice came out gritted and you instinctively moved away a bit, not daring to get too close to the seething male witnessing his mate feel uncomfortable. Lucien was a levelheaded male and it took a lot for him to get really angry, so anyone with half a brain knew not to tread to closely. Rhysand next to him, stood up aswell, sensing that there probably would be a fight, ready to intervene.

“You’re going to kill me? I’d like to see you try.”

That was definitely the wrong thing to say because Elain frowned and pushed his arm away, making her way over to Lucien, calming him down by grabbing his hand shyly. He still held eye contact with Azriel, slightly smiling as Azriel grew angry.

“Don’t lay your hands on her again. If i ever see you making her uncomfortable, I’ll hang you with your own insides.” Elain looked at him with wide eyes and dragged him further down the table.

“Okay, what the actual fuck? What is going on and why are you looking at y/n like that?” Rhysand’s voice broke whatever trance was going on. Your interest peaked as your eyes slid over to Azriel’s only to find them filled with his usual boredom mixed with anger.

You let out a laugh, not being able to stop as you thought about how ridiculous he was being.

“ Well, let’s see. Azriel is my mate and he kept it hidden from me since the day I met him. Oh, and we fucked around for a year or so before he became a dick and started ignoring me, stopped coming to our planned meetings and I finally understood it was because of Elain. But I don’t blame her, I blame him. Hmm… what else? Right! He knew about us being mated and wished he was mated to her instead, and look how that turned out. The one you left me for doesn’t even want you anymore Azriel, how does that make you feel, mate?”

You bit out the last words with poison as you gave him a half smirk. Elain approached you, as everyone soaked up the information. She held your hands in her shaking ones and looked at you with a pained expression.

“ Y/n, please believe me, I didn’t know you two were seeing each other, let alone were mates. He told me you were just friends and nothing more. Had I known, I wouldn’t have ever been with him. And if i’m honest I thought i wanted to be with him, but I want to get to know my mate.” Before she could ramble on you pulled her into a hug, feeling bad for her. She hadn’t know and still apologized.

“Elain, I assure you, I don't hold any blame towards you. I'm happy you want to get to know Lucien. Trust me, he's genuinely funny and nice when he's not being a sarcastic ass.” Laughter filled the air as you and Elain shared a moment, lightening the mood.

You let her go as she got closer to Lucien. No matter how much you wanted to seek your mate out for comfort, you couldn’t let it happen. You knew there was only one thing left.

“ Azriel, I reject the bond. I don’t know how I can ever be with you after this. Not only did you lie to me, you lied to everyone. I’m never going to trust you completely and I think we need to work on ourselves. But it won’t be with each other.” With that you turned on your heel and left for your room, leaving behind a shattered bond and pleading a mate.

———————————————

Azriel's three-month-long begging for a second chance haunted you, likely triggered by witnessing Elain and Lucien's kiss in the courtyard. While you were happy for them, a lingering sadness stayed you, realizing you would never experience a shared bond. Azriel had robbed you of the beauty of a mating bond, and forgiveness felt out of the question. Suffocated by him, you made your way to Feyre and Rhysand's office, ready to ask the dreaded question that had lingered within you for a while.

“ Come in!” Feyre’s gentle voice probed you to open the door as you slithered in. They both looked at you with caution. After breaking the bond, you had been bedridden for three weeks. The physical and mental toll it took on you was overwhelming and some days you questioned your decision. But then you remembered what led you here and just powered through.

“ Guys, I promise I feel much better, so please no more mother-henning. Especially you Rhys.” Feyre let out an amused giggle as Rhys just narrowed his eyes in mock irritation. The weight of what you had to say hung heavy on your shoulders, but you knew they'd support you. Opting for honesty, you decided to rip off the bandaid.

“ I want to move back to the Day Court. I love it here but I miss my home, my siblings, my parents, my friends. I wasn’t supposed to stay this long and even though I love velaris, I can’t live here so close to… him. Not only that but I’ve been sending letters to Helion and he is very eager to meet Lucien and has asked me to check if he wants to come.” You decided to drop the last bomb, asking them for a huge favor.

“I also wanted to see if you could erase my memories of Azriel. Not everything, just the whole fiasco. I genuinely want to move on, and I feel like I won't be able to if I keep dwelling on it. Believe me, I've tried to avoid him and the situation for the past months, but the thoughts still linger.”

They were silent for a moment, likely speaking to each other through their mind. You met their saddened eyes as they nodded.

“I'm sorry you feel this way, Y/n. I genuinely wanted you to feel at home here, but of course we won't force you to stay. We'll erase the memories, but only if you promise to visit someday. Perhaps even let us come to you? I've heard the Day Court's sun is not to be played with, almost rivaling the Summer Court.” You giggled and nodded at Rhysand's words, tears streaming down your face – a mix of happiness and sadness. Overwhelmed with emotions, you embraced them as they gave you a big hug, one of the last you realized.

————————————

You surveyed your now empty room, memories of passionate moments and heartfelt kisses with Azriel lingering in the air. It felt like a distant past, a different life, a different version of you. Shouldering your bag, you descended the stairs. Rhysand had winnowed all your belongings back to your old quarters in Helion's palace. Lucien and Elain, already packed, awaited you at the breakfast table. It was time to share one last meal as residents of this house.

After announcing the news, Lucien and Elain asked if they could join you, insisting on the top-class tour of the court you had promised him. Delighted, you agreed, more than happy to bring your friends along as you all headed back home.

The table was filled with your friends as you shared one last meal, Azriel's seat empty as he was out on a mission. Unable to face him in fear of lingering emotions, you insisted on leaving while he was away.

Feyre stood at the head of the table, a mix of emotions visible in her eyes. She cleared her throat, capturing everyone's attention.

“Today marks the beginning of a new chapter for Y/n, Lucien, and Elain. Though farewells are always bittersweet, we must embrace change and growth. Y/n, you've been a cherished member of our court and a life-long friend, and while your path diverges, our bonds remain unbroken. Never forget that you will always have a home here.”

She smiled warmly, addressing each one individually, “Lucien, my first and dear fae friend, Elain, my kind older sister, your presence has brought joy to our home. The Day Court awaits, and I have no doubt that your light will shine brightly there.”

She raised her glass, “To new beginnings, may your paths be lit by the stars that connect us all. Safe travels, my friends.”

The room echoed with the clinking of glasses, a heartfelt farewell lingering in the air.

————————————

After tearful goodbyes, Feyre and Rhysand exchanged a glance, understanding the weight of your request. Pulling you aside, Feyre spoke softly, “Are you ready for this?"

You nodded, feeling Rhysand place a gentle hand on your forehead as Feyre held the back of your head. Together, they wove their magic, erasing the memories of Azriel and the pain attached to them. As the magic settled, you blinked, a new easiness in your eyes.

Rhys offered a reassuring smile, “May this bring you peace on your journey, Y/n.” You gave them a final hug, walking back to Lucien and Elain and winnowed back to your home.

—————

TWO YEARS LATER

At Helion's annual grand ball, you moved through the crowd, the vibrant atmosphere alive with laughter and music. You glanced around as you spotted your friends.

Approaching your dear friends, you hugged and greeted all of your friends, updating them about your life as you heared the uptade of theirs. Then, unexpectedly, you found yourself face to face with Azriel. His expression revealed a mix of confusion and curiosity. This was the first time you had met him simce you moved. Your friends told you that he was often gone on long missions, only staying briefly to report to Feyre and Rhysand before heading back out. Unbeknownst to you, your friends had slowly decreased their conversations and meetings with Azriel and he was now more of an employee than a friend. They loved both of you but there was no way to just let him back in as a dear friend after what he did.

“Hi, Azriel. It’s been a while. How’s everything going?”

He nodded, "Indeed. I must admit, I'm surprised to see you here."

You chuckled, “Really? I mean it is my home after all. Why is it shocking?”

Azriel furrowed his brows, "I thought... after everything, you hated me."

Your eyes widened in confusion, “Hate? I don’t know what you mean, Azriel. Why would I hate you? You’re a dear friend of mine.”

Realization dawned in Azriel's eyes, “Your memories...” But before he could continue, Rhysand pulled him away.

Azriel's realization hit him hard. The weight of the moment pressed upon him, and he felt a deep sense of remorse. Seeing you free from the memories, both good and bad, brought a profound ache.

He swallowed hard, the truth settling heavily in his chest. He had caused so much pain that you chose to erase him from your mind. A sickness crept over him, the regret of his actions piercing through as he watched you move through the ball, blissfully unaware of the history you once shared. Surrounded by the festive atmosphere, he felt a deep loss and the haunting echo of an irreversible mistake.

You looked happier and healthier than you had ever been. Deciding to not disturb the peace you created, he simply disappeared into his shadows, seeking out their comfort as he always had.

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crematedcow · 7 months

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She couldn't simply surrender what had been the very essence of her life, the one thing that no one was supposed to have the power to take away from her. Her freedom? Nobody was acutally free. Her love? She could find a way to cope with it. Her child? A heart-wrenching sacrifice, but she could endure it. Yet, this vital part of her, this very core of her being – she would never allow anyone to snatch it away.

And that marked the tale of a parasite.

Of a Patron and Its Chains is a 18+ interactive fiction in a fantasy and steampunk setting inspired by the worlds of The Witcher Series and Fullmetal Alchemist. You are a seasoned hunter tasked with tracking and eliminating dangerous supernatural threats. However, your story takes a turn when you decide to become also a pactbearer.

In this realm where the intricate dance of magic and technology creates a canvas of possibilities, one could easily envision an idyllic existence.

The ability to traverse into other realities, though often at a steep cost, promised rapid advancement that could border on madness. Yet, amid these innovations and developments, lurking dangers remained ever-present. The very act of opening portals to other realms could inadvertently usher in creatures not meant for this world, seamlessly intertwining them with reality.

It was a world where the choice was to either be the hunter or the hunted, and most succumbed to the latter fate. However, your father instilled a different path in you. As a hunter of those creatures, he ensured you absorbed all the survival knowledge you needed before eventually got wrongfully accused and executed, a tragic turning point that reshaped your plans. Rather than simply following in his footsteps to become a hunter, you decided to become a pactbearer.

Summoning a Patron, a legend from diverse worlds and realities, your mission was to unite with fellow pactbearers. Together, you would confront an encroaching evil, all while seeking the fulfillment of a cherished wish granted by a god. Yet, even with the support of numerous companions and your trusted Patron, each victory over a monstrous foe revealed a looming threat waiting just beyond the horizon...

You are the hero... right?

This is an 18+ interactive fiction that is being written on Twine.

be a hunter that kills monsters or embroils into unwanted drama

fully customizable mc from appearance, pronouns and personality

several sidequests to develop your skills as a hunter (includes: Possession, Witches, Ancient Beasts and more)

a beastiarium with further information to every creature you meet on the way

the big world of Vestria & Co. with a lot of lore that you can all uncover - or not!

a cryptic voice inside your head that occasionally breaks the fourth wall

meet the other pactbearers and their patrons and decide what relationship you want to have with them

choose what animal-form your patron is going to have

a total of six companions (including your patron) who will be with you a majority of your journey

all of them are romancable, plus a hidden romance option for those who can be patient

lots of parental issues!

figure out the truth of your world, or fail to do so - there is no right or wrong

and a... cow?

CONTENT WARNINGS: depicitons of death, violence, mental illness, gore (in the territory of body horror), animal cruetly and death, abuse, pornographic content, strong language

More might follow

DEMO TBA

CURRENT WORD COUNT: 21000+

but nothing demo ready yet

The RO's include:

✸ Cú Chulainn (M/F)

In ancient tomes and tales, Chulainn stood as a formidable legend — an indomitable hero whose laughter echoed in the face of enemies and even death itself. They reveled in the thrill of combat, never yielding without a proper battle. Yet, such was the image you held dear until the moment you summoned them into your realm, making them your esteemed Patron. The being before you shattered the illusion you once cherished. No longer did they exude the vigor of a warrior; instead, bitterness clung to their spirit, entwined with a profound disdain for the world and all its inhabitants. Longing for the solace of death they once fervently evaded, Chulainn relinquished their ardor for combat, dismissing it as a hollow pursuit devoid of significance. As a consequence, their role as your Patron proved less than… helpful. Nevertheless, a flicker of optimism lingers within the depths of their desolate heart. Perhaps, against all odds, you possess the power to reignite the flames of purpose within them, offering a renewed sense of hope and the chance for a remarkable new beginning.

✸ Lysander/Lysandra (M/F)

Within the illustrious court of the High Queen, there exists a figure of great repute: Lys, a distinguished servant renowned for their unparalleled ability to fulfill any given task. Their name has become synonymous with perfectionism, as they consistently meet and surpass the lofty expectations placed upon them. The mere mention of their name evokes awe and respect throughout the courtly corridors. Alas, despite their esteemed standing, Lys remains a figure of divisive sentiment. Whispers and murmurs abound among their colleagues, swirling in a ceaseless cycle of gossip. Tales of their rigid and occasionally insolent demeanor dominate these conversations, yet there is another facet that elicits both awe and envy in equal measure. Lys possesses an unparalleled loyalty to the High Queen, a level of devotion that others find almost unattainable. Yet, the reality surpasses the worst of these rumors. Lys' nature transcends the bounds of mere unpleasantness, particularly in their interactions with you. Adding fuel to the fire, they perceive you as a sort of rival, amplifying the tensions between you. One can only wonder if it is merely a facade in an attempt to hide their weakness or the reality of their identity.

✸ Holographic Entity "Holly" (F)

Holly, the Patron of Lys, assumes the guise of a long-haired housecat, but her true essence hails as a revolutionary from a distant reality, a realm of unparalleled advancement far beyond the scope of Vestria. For Holly, her presence in this foreign world feels akin to embarking on an elaborate holiday excursion plucked from the very pages of historical books she once heard of. Her insatiable curiosity serves as the driving force behind her existence, propelling her to seek new experiences and infusing every interaction with a buoyant energy that suggests no challenge is insurmountable. Unafraid to vocalize her thoughts and opinions, Holly fearlessly shares her insights, even when they clash with those of her companion, Lys, particularly when the subject of her candid musings centers around you. Or at least, that is the impression you choose to hold. Her unabashed honesty may lead some to believe that she is a simple, unassuming creature. However, the more time spent with Holly reveals that there is much more to her than meets the eye. After all, one cannot lead a revolution based solely on a smile and an unfiltered mouth.

✸ Elli Agilulf (M)

The Blessed Ones, the esteemed right and left hand of the Night Church, are figures known to all who have ventured beyond the confines of ignorance. Cloaked in an aura of mystery, their veiled faces lend an air of both authority and enigma. Among their ranks is Elli, who strives to embody the idealized image of a Blessed One. He adheres to a code of silence, speaking only when necessary and responding with a detached aloofness. True to form, he carries himself with an air of subtle intimidation. However, beneath his carefully crafted facade, Elli is easily rattled by even the slightest inconvenience or a quick-witted remark, his frustration and anger palpable despite his hidden face. He is short-tempered and stubborn, a nature that clashes with the expectations of his position. As a Blessed One, he is expected to be a mindless automaton, devoid of thoughts or personal desires, but Elli's mind is a swirling vortex of thoughts and emotions, overflowing with complexity. Perhaps it is this contradiction, this clash between his true nature and the expectations placed upon him, that makes Elli an actual enigma. You do feel yourself challenged when he decides that you are a criminal to-become.

✸ Irydion (F)

Irydion holds a perspective that challenges the notion of victory being achieved simply through diplomatic agreements and signed papers. To her, a war is not truly won until she has exacted revenge to those she deems responsible for the suffering inflicted upon her country. As a member of the militia, she is fueled by a desire to fight, her hands trembling with the power of her magic, ready to unleash it upon her enemies on the frontline. While others may perceive an undisturbed silence on the battlefield as a sign of these so called peacetimes, Irydion remains vigilant, recognizing it as a deceptive tactic used by the enemy to lure her into dropping her guard. Too bad she is always a step ahead of those who seek to harm her people! Her selfless dedication to protecting and caring for her fellow countrymen is unwavering, even if it means being seen as misguided or paranoid by those who don't fully understand her. Irydion's allies may acknowledge her kind-hearted nature, but they also recognize her single-minded determination and unwavering belief in the necessity of fighting back against an enemy that is just a shadow. Irydion does not care for these rumors, knowing that regardless of how many may stand against her, they will eventually come to understand the truth of her cause. She remains steadfast, believing that time will prove her right in the end. After all, you believe her… right?

✸ "Junius" (M)

Even as Irydion's patron, the line between their roles blurs, with Junius' approach to her and other humans carrying an arrogantly nonchalant air. His actions, delivered with ease and naturalness, ridicule or charm one without noticing. With a mere lazy wink or a mockish bow, he effortlessly asserts a sense of superiority, deliberately refraining from putting genuine meaning or depth in his antics. Maintaining an elusive detachment, he keeps others at arm's length, preventing them from ever truly getting close to him. Despite his mysterious past, he carries himself as if the weight of secrets hold little significance to who he is. Junius' personality dances on the edge of daring, akin to playing with fire, drawing allure and enticement from the very act itself. He fearlessly indulges in flirting with married women and engaging in challenges with those of higher social standing, defying conventional norms and embracing a provocative existence. There lies a subtle irony in his guise — a wolf rather than a lion — his pride speaking for another form. And even in conversation, he adeptly maintains the facade, never allowing his act to waver, leaving you to question whether it is indeed a carefully crafted performance or indeed the reality of his character.

???

If it wasn't the work of gods, maybe it was fate that brought you together.

And several other characters you meet on your way across the country; other pactbearers and their patrons, tragic lovers, a noisy priest, ill-ridden villages (there is only two but it's weird it happened twice), two twin-rulers who don't seem to get along, a talking book, and more.

#twine if #twine game #twine wip #interactive novel #if game #twine #wip #i was kind of forced to post this #interactive fiction #oapaic #im not a native english speaker pls be nice #of a patron and its chains

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pineapple-split · 5 days

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Ok ALSO (and then I promise I’ll shut up and dive in to the celebratory rewatch): EVEN IF IT WERE TRUE that Black Sails only has queer subtext (and let me make it clear, it absolutely is not true) that still doesn’t invalidate it as a piece of media?? The queer characters aren’t the only reason we love this show. We love this show because it’s beautiful.

It’s heart-wrenching. It dares to ask the questions “what if your civilized society isn’t all that civilized? Who does it leave behind? Whose blood is it built on? What lengths will people go to and what will they sacrifice for even the tiniest bit of agency and freedom in a world that is actively trying to kill them? Are they justified? Can you even make that judgment call?”

It’s a story about storytelling. It has narratives within narratives and foils and tragic flaws and parallels and overarching themes that begin in the very first moments in episode one and last all the way to the end. It’s a Greek tragedy put to the screen. It’s still so hopeful somehow, even when so many things fall apart. It’s the epitome of “the love may not have been enough but it’s important that it was there.” The writing is wonderful (mostly, I have a few hangups but that’s not important here), the cinematography and score is almost reverent. People who worked on this show still gush 10 years later about how it was their masterpiece.

Those headlines of “the best show nobody watched”? There’s a reason for that. Those of us who love Black Sails love it passionately, and the complex and wonderful queerness of it is only one of the reasons.

#Black Sails #phew ok I’m done #only positivity from here on out

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foggysirens · 2 years

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i think what made the last episode of kenobi, and the kenobi show as a whole, so special is because it really just reminded us that the heart of star wars is love.

we see it full force with beru and owen. both willing to do anything to protect luke. put their lives on the line for him. we see it in beru immediately jumping into action. we see it in owen's claiming of luke as his own. his son. their son. in the looks on their faces when they see luke again, the utter fear that he may be gone. because while obi-wan could most likely feel him in the force, for one gut wrenching moment owen and beru thought their boy was gone.

we see it in breha and bail. their odd, funny little girl finally home and you can just feel their joy. their pride when leia is unapologetically herself. and how when obi-wan talks to leia about her birth parents, she instead looks to them. those who have raised her with a fierce love and kindness. how when she looks to them, they look back with so much love.

we see it in obi-wan and anakin. obi-wan apologizing to anakin, and we have to wonder how long those words have been building inside him? and then the tragic acceptance that there is no longer that person there to love. that his ten years of grief, maybe longer, was over something that was not his fault, that he could have never succeeded in preventing. but at the same time, we know that obi-wan still holds his love for anakin. it's just that darth vader isn't him.

and don't even get me started on obi-wan and his love for luke and leia. how leia was the one to pull him from his isolation. become the man he was again. how watching over luke is his motivation to stay that way. how thinking about them literally is what gives him the strength to pull himself up from the ground. honestly obi-wan and the twins deserve their own post.

star wars has always been a story about love. it can, after all, ignite the stars. and the kenobi finale has captured that fully, making it feel like the most truly star wars show in ages.

#star wars #kenobi series #kenobi spoilers #obi wan kenobi #luke skywalker #leia organa #beru whitesun #owen lars #breha organa #bail organa #anakin skywalker #also reva and her love for her friends and how her want to avenge them took her down a dark path #that made her lose sight of what they would have wanted #and lose sight of herself #and how eventually her love for them and realizing her loss of innocence wins #mj.chatter

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pininghermit · 9 months

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Dare I Desire (Chapter 5)

Pairing: Adrian x Male Reader

AN: Enter arc 1

Your heart breaks. Every sign of rejection pushes you into a place darker than the one you has ever been. Neither your voice, your face, nor your confession ignited the bond for Adrian. A sense of foreboding rises in your mind as the voice of your bond simmers letting go of its usual fierce growls.

You finds yourself closer to the possibility you had been pushing to the farthest corner of your mind.

Mates or soulmates as the world knows of them, are rare. They are usually legends mentioned in fairytales or metaphor for deep, purest, and truest of love. Two people made of same soul. Fates bound by the creator of the world.

The world has moved on from such notions. Yet, they exist. In a world full of thousands of existences, there are some born yearning other half of their soul. Born with names etched on their bodies, shared senses, synchronized pain and pleasure. Some way or another they were connected to each other. It was as if even the materialized world failed to numb the song their soul sang.

You treasured your song from the very first moment you became aware of it. You truly did. You looked for it for the long years of your life. But now it paled as realization made its way to you.

Despite all the pleasant and mythological tales of love, adventure, and fate; there were some born with a broken soul. Some who became the tragic background characters. Those whose soul remembered it half only for it to be unaccompanied by the other half. Unable to reunite but unwilling to let go.

Not all the legends speak of happy endings with forever afters as their last phrase. No, some stories were of lovers born to love another whom their spirit remembered. Those tales detail the same longing and yearning as others but they shift. They differ where the other half of the soul, the other mate does not linger where one does.

Unrequited love that ends with heart wrenching sobs and teary-eyed audience.

How did you become part of such legends? Did Adrian not feel anything? No anticipation of getting to know you more? It remains a mystery.

You knew such a fate was deserving of you. After your delay and your inculpabilities...you were undeserving of such a love. Yet, it hurt. It hurt more than the punch you received minutes ago.

But you stand up from your crouched position. You have to figure it out. You have to make sure that Adrian indeed does not carry the bond within him. For if there is even an iota of possibility…you would be damned if you gave up. Still, if Adrian remains untouched by the song that surrounds your entire being then…you will not trouble the dhampir with it. It would be a burden just for you to carry.

Dusting your coat, lost in thought, you finally turn to Adrian. And you still. The dhampir is taut with tension. Posture ready to attack or to defend. You should have expected the retaliation. Your mate’s guard is up and walls impenetrable by any reason. The useless voice of your bond rushes out from its confine to bark at you to—‘make it right.’

‘Yeah, there you are, my primal self.’ You would have rolled your eyes at yourself if you could have done that. It is truly astonishing how annoying your own self could be. It makes sense why Adrian finds it the same.

“Please relax. I have no intention of attacking you.” As expected, your voice does not work. Adrian remains on edge now with an additional element of the floating sword right by the corner.

“Leave.” The dhampir states. A command mingled with an unuttered threat.

You try to remember all the stupid tales that Cenfrith made you go through on your frequent adventures. Your brother, one of the triplets, the eldest and the wisest in lore, who could be quite a bore when it came to adding unnecessary details. You raid all those memories, you are pretty sure Cenfrith would have brought up the subject of mates at least a dozen times.

Adrian is there still glaring at you. “Stay any longer and you won’t be leaving anytime soon. I would not mind anoth-”

“I CAN WALK OUT IN THE SUN,” in hindsight, it is quite stupid to scream it but blame it on the sword inches away from your throat.

“Aren’t you even the slightest bit curious how I, a pure-blooded vampire, can walk out in the sun?” A curious light gleams in Adrian’s eyes. An emotion other than rage or guilt.

“You have seen me out in the day. You have seen the light touch me. Does it not intrigue you?”

“How,” Adrian whispers in the silent room. The sword remains but the dhampir’s tense shoulders relax a bit.

The beginnings of a plan formulate in your mind as you mentally note to thank Cenfrith for all his stories. Blending into your decided role, you conceal your relief. You hide all the uncertainty behind the mask of a practiced suave smile. A smile well-known in Asor.

“Ooh Adrian, believe me, I shall tell you everything.” You ignore the snarl that Adrian directs at you. Trusting your instinct, you step forward towards the blond half-vampire. “I will tell, but on one condition.” You almost drop your uncaring façade as you notice your mate’s anger shift into a milder annoyance.

“What condition?” You try to ignore Adrian’s expression that is suspiciously similar to his condescending look reserved for his Belmont friend.

‘Play your cards right, younger brother,’ an imaginary Saewig unhelpfully supplies.

Gathering your wits and courage, you try your luck. A gamble worthy of your future. “I will tell you 6 possible reasons for my tolerance to the sun, and you—” You hurry as you spy Adrian’s conflicted expression. “You must guess the right one. Each will be revealed with an anecdote. In the end, if you guess the right one, you will have your answer. However, you must make your choice only after you have heard all of my tales. Some true and some made up with a pinch of exaggeration. Dare you make a bargain?” You extend your hand and Adrian stares at you. For the first time, your mate looks at you. You do not retreat your hand as you patiently wait. It makes you look somewhat idiotic, but one must win some, lose some…

“Once you make a bargain, you must stand by it, Adrian, son of Dracula. And you can’t threaten me in the process,” you add as an afterthought. “I might have learned a thing or two by being with the Fae for so long.”

The dhampir hesitates. ‘Please do it. Give it a chance,’ you plead in your internal monologue as you put on your cocky grin. You pull in your inner Saewig, the hunter, your brother who flirts with an entire forest full of magical folk. You try and wish for it to work. ‘I am a cocky bastard who just challenged you. Take the bait. For once, don’t be smart, Adrian.’ For once, the room is noiseless, but you are almost dizzy with the mechanism of your own mind.

“What if I fail to answer correctly?” Adrian finally asks.

You do not falter. You do squeal internally like it’s no one’s business. “If you fail, then you may never know.” With a nonchalant shrug of your shoulders. Your mate looks assured (as he can be) and sufficiently challenged by the answer.

“Alright then,” the ice-cold hand finally meets your own. You do not flinch. You get close to it but do not. Adrian instantly slips away his hand as if burned by the touch. Ignoring the slight pinch in your heart, you muse ‘This is the last time you fall for a bargain. I’ll teach you better.’ You mentally promise Adrian who remains widely unaware of it.

“Well then, go on…” Adrian motions as you both stand in the room. Did he indeed expect you to tell the tales standing there?

You swallow your pride and move, but not to the chaise you had occupied some time ago. Instead, you walk toward the corridor of rooms you had caught a glimpse of earlier. “I will, but…” you pause as you glance back to find Adrian following you, “first I must find a room for myself.”

“I will not—” Adrian immediately interrupts with an objection.

“Ah! No threats.”

“Tell the damn story, that is the bargain.” Well, not exactly, you wonder, as the sword makes another entrance.

“I will,” please don’t hate me, you wish. You saunter your way back to Adrian with a schooled expression of faux calm. “However, nowhere did it specify the duration of our bargain. These stories are truths or at least parts of it are. They are experiences and secrets kept from the world. I will reveal my story once you prove yourself to be worthy of it.” You know that the prideful side of your mate will not just let that go. And you do find yourself grateful for that.

“Till then, you must wait and finish a task for each of these tales. Which I insist begins with a shower for both of us.” Adrian glares, and you smile, catching your own innuendo. “Separately, of course, if you insist.”

#alucard #castlevania #bottom alucard #mates au #alucard x male reader #male reader

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voidgenesis · 2 years

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this. THIS. THIS. I keep hearing the sentiment of "rhaenicent?? alicent deliberately caused the death of rhae's children and her downfall!!!" WE KNOW! and it's absolutely heart wrenching to see that it lead to that.

like I haven't seen any rhaenicent stan who genuinely wants to see them together again? because we are all very well aware that ship has sailed and what remains now are the tragic remnants of two people who once loved each other. THE ANGST. THE PAIN. THE TRAGEDY THAT COMES WITH IT. from what I can see that's what RAs are here for, the idea that it's possible for two people whose souls used to be so closely binded to destroy each other ultimately is just.... intriguing and compelling to some.

most of us are rooting for moments to come that shows "the love was there, maybe it'll always be there but this hatred and pain is so much bigger. and the both of us have to deal with that." they will hurt and tear each other mutually so bad in the future, both parties will wish for the head of the other. AND WE ARE VERY WELL AWARE OF THAT. I'm not here to hope for some lovey dovey-ride in the sunset, sudden redemption moment, alright?

I know the writers has said something about maybe there's still "hope" for Ali and Rhae in the future being foreshadowed by that torn paged Ali kept all these years. But personally, I think it's way past that. I don't think it'll be good to go down the route of "ooo maybe I can still forgive her!!1! kyahhh!!" when Rhae literally lost Visenya and Luke bc of the Greens. If the writers see it that way, I think most of RAs don't share those same sentiments. Don't lay that on us, we're just here for the childhood sweethearts to ultimate nemesis pipeline.

#lmaooo pls don't start any arguments tho i dont have energy for if I'm just here rambling #also stop bringing up the book source WE KNOW THAT IT DIDN'T EXIST THERE but show! Dany/Missandei is a thing tho??#even tho in the books they have a motherly dynamic just like how book! alicent/rhaenyra was #rhaenicent #rhaenyra x alicent

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tuxebo · 1 month

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I love angst especially when it’s like tragic angst love. They love each other but they know they can’t be together. It’s so cruel and I love it

oh my goodness, you speak to my soul on another level.

those bittersweet moments filled with nothing but love and joy, constantly sabotaged by ticking clock in the back of their mind. a reminder that no good things are permanent for them, that no matter how good this is; it has to end. and when that person keeps their tragic finale to themself. cherishing the pure love on their lover's face, untainted by the agony that entangles their heart. the innocence and passion of it all was unconditional, even if not for forever.

oh, and don't even get me started on when that right time comes. person protecting their love's heart from their broken hands or whatever external reason for their relationship ending, watching their person find their person. that maybe if they weren't as much of a coward as they were back then, their person would still love them. revisiting their secret place, building the dream home they built together in their hearts; anything everything to try to soothe that constant lacking.

but specifically when they both know they can't be together? even worse. one who copes with it with jokes and how they both knew it was inevitable and the other who is gut wrenched even though they ran the scenario through their mind a thousand times. two who tell their friends, one making jokes to fill the awkward silence and the other silent as their roam endless thoughts in the pursuit of some sort of peace.

two who reunite, the jokester married and the heartbroken waiting. time, years, have passed, but their dynamic is all the same. one making the same dumb jokes like their heart was light for the first time, the other hanging on to each word like they were words just for them, crafted by angels. two grown adults reduced to nothing more than two longing kids because no time would ever be right for them.

#౨ৎ⋆ anne’s annotations ˚｡⋆#thought i'd come out of hiding for this one.#angsty love stories #oh how i love them #i love sitting in silence with people i care about and i can imagine lovers like this doing the same but moments like that are the closest #things they get to relief #ugh <3

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derangedandbestfriend · 1 year

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a little something i just wrote about trevor in the aftermath of michael's death

death wasn't new to trevor, so his first kill didn't affect him as much as it probably should. the sight was disgusting and terrifying and he'd never forget the smell of burning flesh, but it didn't turn him crazy or overwhelmed by guilt. soon, with the career he chose, he became so accustomed with death, that it didn't even scare him anymore. the suicidal thoughts and lack of care for his own life were a big part of his life since childhood, so that didn't bother him either. death was safe, death was familiar.

but nothing, absolutely nothing could've prepared him for michael townley's death.

it wasn't brutal by any means, at least not by his standards, but that didn't stop it from being the worst fucking thing trevor has ever witnessed. those few tragic seconds were enough to traumatize him for the rest of his life.

every time he closed his eyes he saw michael's lifeless, bleeding body. it wasn't like in all these movies michael forced him to watch. it all happened so fast, there was no time for last words, last wishes or last kisses.

trevor used to hate michael's movies. they were all fake and unrealistic and he watched them just for michael's sake. but now he wished so fucking badly to have something straight out of them. he wanted nothing more than to sit with michael's head on his lap during his last moments and tell him everything that he was too afraid to say before. how his love only grew from the moment they met. how michael was the only thing keeping him alive. how he wanted to cry and scream and destroy everything in sight whenever michael would go back to amanda. how, despite the growing distance and resentment between them, trevor would still always choose michael's life, michael's safety, michael's happines over his own.

he wondered if michael would let trevor kiss him then. he was always so reluctant to display any affection in public, the fear of his biggest secret being discovered was too much. and trevor understood that, he really did, but that didn't mean his heart didn't sink every fucking time michael refused to even grab his hand when someone could see them. maybe the cops would be enough for michael to shut off completely. or maybe, just maybe in his last moments he'd finally stop caring about other people and be himself, even if just that one time. maybe the truth about their hidden love would even make it to the news alongside the information about their deaths. what a perfect fucking way to be remembered. trevor philips—michael townley's partner in crime, best friend and lover.

but he couldn't have that. michael died in mere seconds, his last words were meaningless and so many things were left unsaid between them. he wanted to scream.

he thought about their actual last kiss and how he was the only person alive who even knew about it. michael held him just a little tighter than usual. they were just about to get inside that fucking cash depot and there was desperation in michael's eyes before he pulled trevor in for a long kiss that was broken only when brad yelled at them from around the corner. it was beautiful, heart wrenching and so emotional that even thinking about it made trevor want to smash his head against the nearest wall until he passed out.

most of the time he did.

#im so sorry this just popped into my head #idk if that's even consistent and makes any sense but yeah hope u like it #trikey #trevor philips #michael de santa #gta v #gta v fanfiction #my fic

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booksareboring-blog · 7 months

Text

Babel

Babel, or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators’ Revolution by R. F. Kuang

This review is long overdue. I started this blog with the intention of committing to it and it has now been about two months since I last posted. I rejoined a short-term work contract and this blog was put on the backburner. One thing I am proud to admit is that I never stopped reading. I am however disappointed in myself that I was so quick to ignore what I set out to do here. I now have a week off between jobs, and am recommitting myself to this blog. I have a lot to catch up on so there should be a quick succession of posts before reaching the more irregular schedule of “however long it takes” before finishing each book. This blog is for myself more than anything, and for my own sake I once again commit to maintaining it, and posting a review with each completed book.

Babel takes place in a Victorian England shrouded in the magic of translation. Words are etched onto bars of silver that then bring their meanings (or lack thereof) into reality. The story follows a boy taken from his home and recently deceased family in Canton by a mysterious English scholar. The boy, Robin Swift, is taken to England, where he is trained and sent to Oxford university to become a translator, someone with the knowledge and ability to use this magic of words for the benefit of the British Empire. Robin becomes fast friends with his cohort, other students taken from their ‘exotic’ homes with their ‘exotic’ languages to become assets to the empires growth and domination through the use of silver.

The novel is ultimately about colonisation and protest. The British Empires control of a world-changing magic gives them dominance over their vassals and enemies alike, and the fulfilment of its own needs comes at the detriment of the world around it. The students of Babel, the translators’ institute of Oxford University, are merely assets. They are a knowledge base of language, taken by the British Empire to fuel it’s magic needs. An almost jarring reality to this world is that it is not so unlike our own. While England’s society heavily depends on it’s use of silverwork in Babel, it only reflects the truth of our own reality, that the western world is built off of the resources of others and that their power was built through colonisation. Kuang first creates characters and settings through which the reader can connect with and become emotionally involved in whilst the horrors of the outside world remain external to the events which the reader and the characters are viewing. This make it ever the more beautiful when Kuang turns it all around and brings the grim to the forefront for a heart-wrenching and tragic tale.

Kuang’s prose was gripping from the offset. She is detailed and attentive in what she chooses to show or not show in every moment of the novel, in what she chooses to make clear to the reader and what she chooses to hide beneath the surface. The footnotes Kuang inserts throughout the novel, historical facts and anecdotes much like you would see in a non-fiction, begin to blur the lines between the historical reality and the fiction of her novel. This all compounds to strengthen the message behind her novel, the foundations that western society is built on are laid bare and undeniable. The novel may be a fiction but the higher thought it invokes in the reader leans only towards what is external to the novel, something every great art piece aims to do.

It is easy for me to say that this may be my new favourite novel. I have always been attracted to fantasy in my reading but have also previously found myself picking out dark academia as my favourites. To see those two genres married into one novel that is beautifully crafted and deeply thought out, it is no wonder that I was so immediately enthralled by it. I plan to continue reading R. F. Kuang’s work and am excited to write about it again. The scholarly tone that Babel is written with is something I hope to engage with more in the future as it is clear to me that it suits my tastes well.

I will leave this review with something that is going to make me sound all too repetitive. I commit myself to writing these reviews as I read. I will not delay in writing them again and upon finishing a novel I will plan an immediate date to give myself time to write and post it. And I suppose another peace of repetition will be the sentence following (with a bit of editing because I didn’t like the way it sounded anymore).

Happy reading folks. Don’t think too hard about the book you’re on right now, just enjoy it.

#book blog #book #bibliophile #books #booklr #book review #bookworm #r.f. kuang #babel an arcane history #babel rf kuang #babel #babel or the necessity of violence #rf kuang

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girlactionfigure · 8 months

Text

It was an “emotionally wrenching and heart felt” performance.

“Surrounded by burning candles, performing on a grand piano and accompanied by a small orchestra of violins,” his rendition of this famous song “spoke to many of us who were suffering from the terrible tragedies in New York, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.”

It was just days after 9/11, when Neil Young performed the iconic song, according to a site dedicated to Neil Young News.

Although the song was banned from radio in the immediate aftermath of 9/11, “because envisioning a world where we all got along was at odds with the public demand for bloody justice,” according to Consequence, Young believed it was the right song to sing.

Pulse Magazine wrote that Young's performance of "Imagine" on the Benefit telecast was "one of those moments you never forget."

“When disaster strikes, musicians respond the way they know best: with song,” wrote Katy Waldman of Slate. “As composer Leonard Bernstein said three days after John F. Kennedy was assassinated, ‘This will be our reply to violence: to make music more intensely, more beautifully, more devotedly than ever before.’”

“In times of trouble and grief, there is one song that millions of people turn to for inspiration and solace: John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s ‘Imagine’,” according to writer Martin Chilton.

The “Imagine” album was released on September 9, 1971, touching “the world with its hopeful message about the need for global understanding,” wrote Sari Rosenberg.

This is a new story on the Peace Page.

~~~~~

“For nearly 50 years, credit for this song - "Imagine" - has gone to one writer - John Lennon,” according to NPR.

That changed in 2017, after Lennon himself admitted his wife Yoko Ono should receive co-credit. Lennon explained in 1980 “a lot of the lyric and the concept came from Yoko.”

“Ono's 1964 book of conceptual poetry, ‘Grapefruit,’ contained verses like, imagine clouds dripping and imagine goldfish swimming across the sky. She also contributed to the song's theme of a world without borders or religion pulling people apart,” according to NPR’s Neda Ulaby.

In an interview with David Sheff, shortly before his death in December 1980, Lennon also shared that Dick Gregory had given him and Ono a Christian Prayer-book which had inspired him to write the track. “The concept of positive prayer…If you can imagine a world at peace, with no denominations of religion – not without religion but without this my God-is-bigger-than-your-God thing – then it can be true.”

“When ‘Imagine’ was released, John Lennon said that the world was too focused on trivialities and ‘the thing we should be talking about is the violence that goes on in this society.’ It reached No. 1 following Lennon’s murder in December 1980 and entered the UK charts again in 2012 after Emeli Sandé recorded a cover for the 2012 London Olympics,” according to writer Martin Chilton.

“Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ is arguably the most loved song of all time,” according to writer Joe Taysom. “The track captures Lennon crying out for a fairer world . . . As the decades go on, ‘Imagine’ has morphed into a tragically appropriate tonic to whatever travesty is currently tearing the world apart.”

“It’s not surprising that musicians turn to this particular work in the aftershocks of tragedy,” according to Waldman. “For one thing, ‘Imagine’ is a song that musicians continually turn to, period: The Broadcast Media Inc. found it to be one of the most covered songs of the 20th century. Its simple, versatile structure has seduced and inspired hundreds of artists, among them Lady Gaga, Emeli Sande, Etta James, Davie Bowie, Pink, Eva Cassidy, and The Persuasions.”

More than 200 artists have performed or covered the song, including Joan Baez, Elton John, Diana Ross, Peter Gabriel, Melissa Etheridge, Dave Matthews, Dolly Parton, Seal, , India.Arie, John Legend, and Julian Lennon.

“The ritual arguably began on Dec. 9, 1980, when Queen covered the song at the Wembley Arena, one day after Lennon died. Stevie Wonder played it during the closing ceremony of the 1996 Summer Olympics to honor lives lost in the Centennial Olympic Park bombing. . . . In 2004, Madonna joined the ranks of “Imagine”-eers when she reinterpreted Lennon’s ballad at an aid concert for victims of the Indian Ocean tsunami.”

“Though the song was banned from radio in the immediate aftermath of 9/11,“Neil Young recognized its potency, singing it at a memorial concert, ‘America: Tribute To Heroes’”, according to Chilton. “Coldplay performed a version after the terrorist attacks in Paris in 2015. Following discord around North Korea in 2018, ‘Imagine’ was the natural choice for a group of Korean musicians to perform at the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics.”

“It’s now become the go-to song when it comes to grief or mourning,” wrote Taysom. “This is down to the tangible sense of hope that rings out from ‘Imagine’ and an overriding feeling that everything will eventually be okay.”

~~~~~

“It returns to us most bittersweetly when something bad happens, when we are casting about for answers and consolation,” wrote Waldman. “The writer John Blaney called ‘Imagine’ a ‘humanistic paean for the people,’ a kind of secular prayer. Rolling Stone described it as ‘22 lines of graceful, plain-spoken faith in the power of a world, united in purpose, to repair and change itself.’”

“The song also derives considerable power from its historical context. Lennon, shot down before his time, reminds us that the universe can run ramshod over idealistic people. That knowledge makes ‘Imagine’’s plea for peace and brotherhood all the more poignant. On the other hand, the fact that the song persists, even though Lennon is gone, speaks to the enduring strength of his fantasy. If ‘Imagine’ captures the fragility of our hope after a violent or destructive event, it also reveals its tenacity.”

The legacy of the song was most perfectly summarized by President Jimmy Carter, who noted: “In many countries around the world — my wife and I have visited about 125 countries — you hear John Lennon’s song ‘Imagine’ used almost equally with national anthems.”

After Neil Young completed his rendition of “Imagine” after 9/11, reports were he “appeared to be on the verge of tears.”

Chilton says, “Decades after its original release, this popular music masterpiece, a model of simplicity, continues to inspire people of all races and creeds, offering the listener a momentary respite of hope in a troubled world, especially in the beautiful lines:

‘You may say I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one

I hope some day you’ll join us

And the world will be as one.’”

~ jsr

[Image, courtesy of Noam Galai]

The Jon S. Randal Peace Page

#9/11 #Imagine #John Lennon

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paper-lilypie · 2 years

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I admittedly know very little about fnaf outside of security breach so every new post you make with the Aftons is like a punch in the throat as I learn something new about the lore (I love seeing it but I never expect what's coming). You telling me Michael Afton became Freddy??

(ah yes. the Aftons. The Tragic Trio and peepaw willy. those guys. love those guys. Welcome to the circus spjsshehshe)

Does Michael become Freddy? Uh. Oh boy okay so

No.

Technically.

We don’t think so. So far

Well.

OKAY SO there’s this whole thing called the “Glammike Theory” but it’s just that— a theory. Okay? Okay. It’s an idea, where Michael Afton (right after passing away during the events of FNAF 6) actually went to possess Glamrock Freddy for the events of Security Breach due to leaving his work on Earth incomplete (his “work” being ending his father’s wrath once and for all. And that idiot Always Comes Back god damn it).

Still, it’s mostly a very entertaining and heart wrenching concept to dabble into, even if it isn’t canon at all. It’s very fun. Filled with potential!!

If you wanna know a bit more, I can list off some things off the top of my head that can feed into the concept. There’s not many hints and clues that support the theory BUT!! People have pointed out the following:

Freddy’s notable instant protectiveness over Gregory, a character modeled to highly resemble Michael Afton’s younger brother, the Crying Child (from FNAF 4). If we go with another theory that Gregory is, in fact, a robot version of the Crying Child, then that would explain Freddy’s strange attachment to him further. (This second part is supported by other details of the game, but that’s another rabbit hole we’re not getting into here.)

The very peculiar (and very noted) moment where Freddy first offers to help Gregory escape.

“I want to help you. Maybe they want to help you too.”

Only for Gregory to reply:

I doubt it… for some reason… you’re different.”

And this scene is never explored again. It mostly feels like Scott is poking us with a stick going “look! Look here! Pay attention here!” And it’s been a nice conversation people like to apply to the bullet point mentioned prior (like here!!)

The whole ordeal in Security Breach where while climbing down to the depths to face Burntrap, Freddy oddly muses in a strange tone how “all his friends are down there” (referring to the molten mass of animatronic parts that is Molten Freddy. Who is also technically Ennard (Michael’s foe from Sister Location). People speculate that if this were Michael speaking, his “friends” would be the other kids seen in FNAF 4 helping bully his brother, all of them wearing Freddy, Chica and Bonnie masks matching Michael’s Foxy one— the detail rises when remains of these specific animatronics are seen tangled up in Molten Freddy’s mass of wires and cables.

Again with Freddy’s immediate protectiveness over Gregory, it’s been said that it might be Michael redeeming himself for what he did to his brother when he was alive. He’s making amends and doing things right by taking care of Gregory instead.

Freddy, unlike the rest of the Glamrocks, is unaffected by the Afton virus. Also unexplained much in the games (that I know so far!!) but it might be because while the others are animatronics and nothing more, Freddy has a soul inside him already pulling the strings. Michael.

I’m sure there might be more, but I guess this can feed your brainworms a bit? It sure feeds me everyday lol.

Anyways TL:DR: Glammike Not Canon, only fun idea. :)

#fnaf #five nights at freddy’s #glammike theory #glammike #michael afton #glamrock freddy #it’s 12:32am I’m tired lol sorry if this is incoherent

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the-pale-goddess · 2 months

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Hi hildee!! Missing you here. I was feeling angsty and thought, What would be the reason for Ethan and Tiffany to divorce (cheating can't be the answer). I know it is not possible, but let's imagine a parallel universe where they did. What is the plausible reason behind it? And how will they navigate their lives since they work at the same place? Will they find someone else and move on, or at some point in the future, will they give their marriage a second chance?

Ahhh, loveliest Anon, I miss you too—horribly so! Can’t thank you enough for still thinking of me and E&T ❤️❤️❤️

It’s common knowledge that I live for angsty AUs, but I must admit that your ask inspired a disgustingly fluffy fic idea first ksdjksjdksj Your power, hello?! I couldn’t be more grateful because you helped me settle on a quite important canon HC I couldn’t figure out for the longest time! I wish I had more space to pursue this tooth-rotting fluff…Sadly, with my poor health and everything going on in my life, it seems impossible at the moment.

Still, you’re waiting for angst galore, and I’m here to deliver…

I received a similar ask in the past, and I still stand by my answer—I can’t think of any circumstance that would break them up. Canonverse E&T go through a pretty solid character development; both of them worked on their personal issues and unresolved past traumas, finding inner wisdom and integrity so crucial in overcoming any obstacles that could endanger their relationship.

However…You made me ruminate on the topic again. What if...They would somehow...Skip this long and difficult process? I can picture (1) particularly heart-wrenching scenario in which divorce would certainly happen 👀 As you can imagine, anything that had the power to dissolve their bond and force them to separate must be huge and tragic.

I feel terrible even thinking about this entire AU…So buckle up! I’ll try to paint the scene and address your questions. Please, don’t hate me ksdjfkdsjfksj

TW: neonatal death

Tiffany was 38 when she got pregnant for the third time. Though it was a dangerous gamble, E&T put their trust into medicine and hoped for some luck. Unfortunately, the nightmare possibility became a horrifying reality: she developed preeclampsia. At first, the danger seemed contained; both the mom and the baby were closely monitored and taken care of. But her condition suddenly worsened, the severity of disease calling for a premature delivery.

While Tiffany was fighting for her life, Ethan had no choice but to make an impossible decision—a decision he reached with zero hesitation. He wouldn’t risk losing the love of his life for a 60% survival rate a baby born at 24 weeks would have. Despite receiving the best possible treatment in the NICU, the little one didn’t survive the night.

While canonverse E&T would certainly navigate through such a traumatic event with unwavering mutual support and dedication to recovery, AU E&T would spiral into the darkness. Instead of making an effort to communicate properly and listen to each other, trying to understand those conflicting emotions raging inside them, they would focus on the misery, fuelled by those underlying personal issues they failed to address back when it was expected.

Gravely depressed, Tiffany was furious with Ethan’s decision. She thought he should have tried to save the baby no matter the cost. It was obvious that the loss she suffered clouded her judgment. If given the choice, she would have to agree with Ethan. She studied the case obsessively every day, went through all the possible outcomes, and the baby truly stood no chance. But she could be saved; she had to fight for her two other children—the ones that already had a life, the ones counting on her, trying to grasp what happened. That was perhaps the essence of her anguish: she had no choice, no say in this, no chance to meet her tiny daughter, to say goodbye. She couldn't fix it. Grief poisoned her mind in ways she could never predict.

Ethan was too fixated on his own sorrow and the absurdity of his wife’s resentment to actually see past her pain and empathize with her extremely fragile state. The fact that she was so willing to leave him and orphan their children for a slim chance of saving a fetus? He couldn’t understand her reasoning. He wouldn’t understand her reasoning. Yes, the loss affected him too, it affected all of them. But there was no other choice. She had to see that, right?

The tragedy struck them in separate bolts, and they landed on different paths, too consumed by their own agony to meet half-way and reconcile. Inevitably, the connection between them began to dim and they grew apart. With no emotional support from Ethan, Tiffany became distant as she struggled to get better. Ethan fell back into the old patterns and put his emotional defense back up high. He started spending the majority of days at work, neglecting not only Tiffany, but also NJ and Letty.

Every attempt to patch things up led to cruel arguments and blame-shifting. Eventually, Tiffany recognized it all went too far and saw only one solution to their problems: she filed for divorce and full child custody. After a short yet intense custody battle, they reached an agreement that allowed Ethan to have the kids for the weekend.

As soon as the divorce became final, Tiffany and the children moved to NYC (no surprise here, I guess kdjfksfjksfj). Ethan would visit them most of the times, but on occasion Tiffany would fly the kids to Boston and spend the weekend there, strolling through the city with old friends.

NJ was 9, and Letty was 6 when the divorce happened, so I imagine it was unbearably tough for them to process, especially with all the mess happening prior. But they’re the kind of troublemakers that would 100% come up with a genius plan to Parent Trap E&T and bring them back together lol Would they be successful? Well…Only if both Tiffany and Ethan went to therapy and dealt with their inner problems first. Then, I presume, they would be able to have a heart-to-heart with each other and see if there are still some remnants of trust and compassion left in the ashes of their relationship. Despite all the bitterness and trauma, the love between E&T remains intact, so it all boils down to whether they would allow themselves to open up to the frightening idea of reconnection and the risk the second chance carries.

Ooof…That was extremely painful to conjure up and felt even worse as I was writing it down ksdfjksjgksj Nevertheless! Thank you for the ask, dear, I'm sending you lots of love ❤️

#i didn't proofread this #i wrote this with tears streaming down my cheeks kjfksfjs #angsty angst and AU shenanigans #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey x mc

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trinitywc · 6 months

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On chapter 15 of Endless Winter currently, and loving every moment of it but the lead up to some projects and finals is gonna gear up within the next week so I won't be able to finish as fast as I would like to. Given that, I wanted to verbally dog ear my place & jot down some thoughts before they escaped me (particularly my appreciation for the way you portray character dynamics and the nuance you provide that I could sit and stew on for hours).

I've been enjoying Rutherford and Pinefrost's interactions a great deal. I get the feeling he loves infodumping about his interests, and particularly likes how good a listener, as well as perceptive, that Pinefrost is. She's sharp in more ways than one! and I also particularly adore the way Pinefrost often uses his explanations and points when he is explaining things to her as an anchor for her wandering mind during the present in a way that doesn't make her feel as though she's out of the loop or excluded unlike past scenes when the gang is discussing whether to stay or leave the domicile. Those two bounce off one another so well, and in such a way that it makes it so apparent how isolated Pinefrost has been even amongst her surviving group, and even before that when Creek Clan was still intact. Her loneliness has been really keen in previous chapters, and it's nice to see her feeling like she has a companion that shows her just as many new things as she can with honing Rutherford different skills.

That being said, while I really enjoy Rutherford, I don't know if I trust him fully. He's been dependable and a great source of support for the group, but I can't help wondering about his intentions. Perhaps he just wants company! But it strikes me as odd that he's giving away resources when he was so skeptical of Pinefrost giving Sedgenose her fresh kill, and is directing them all out of the city purely out of the goodness of his heart and during the thick of winter, no less. It makes me wonder to what end he plans to act as a tag along with the group, and not to mention he'd have to make the entire trip back to the city by himself once they get to the river! He seems like too much of an intellectual city slicker to want to rough it with the gang when/if they reunite with the clans... clan??? (Creekwood consolidation with the survivors perhapseth???) Surely he's not doing all this JUST because he met our intriguing mule headed protagonist, could he?

Crackpot theory but maybe he's not leading them to where he say he is- but then again he hasn't lied even with the explanation of the atom to Pinefrost. Crackpot theory #2, he seems to have observed Pinefrost's reluctance to leave, and her feelings of insecurity that she confided over what they have the possibility to come back to with the clans and I have to wonder if he'll use that to either isolate her (unhealthy option) or encourage her (healthier alternative!!!) to stay with him instead. The summary certainly implies so! Crackpot theory #3 combination of both #1 & #2.

Then a random comment and some purely satirical jokes that are essentially nonsense, feel free to skip;

"She had one option, and that was through. Through the winter, through the atom."

SO INCREDIBLY METAL, LOVE THIS. HAUNTING, GUT WRENCHING, TRAGIC IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE- A CAR CRASH YOU CAN'T AVOID OR REDIRECT. So much of ch 11 in particular to be honest! Rutherford's entire explanation left me with dreams. I left it waking up and checking my little kitty cat's nose for black ash.

Pinefrost: Oh yeah we knew this would happen, sedgefrost had a vision from star clan that the great light would take us out :/

Rutherford: the FUCK? the HUH?

Everytime Sedgenose or Woolycloud have an interaction with Pinefrost, I'm that one twitter reaction video, "-and she's the mother, she's mother earth, she is mother gaia, she is YOUR mother 👁👄👁"

I AM ON THE FUVKING FLOOR WITH THOSE MEMES THATS SO FUCKING FUNNY

Good luck with your exams!!!

"I get the feeling he loves infodumping about his interests, and particularly likes how good a listener, as well as perceptive, that Pinefrost is" - It’s kinda shown but Rutherford starts talking to Sedge and Wooly first before diverting to Pinefrost, he couldn’t get the same conversation about the world and atom and stuff from them; they really just click. If they had a glass porch table and a bottle of wine they’d talk for hours and hours. They are both very curious cats, for better or worse.

"Those two bounce off one another so well, and in such a way that it makes it so apparent how isolated Pinefrost has been even amongst her surviving group, and even before that when Creek Clan was still intact" - they do have such good chemistry imho. I wanted Rutherford to be a friend for Pinefrost, genuinely. She is a very lonely little cat. As is he, they are both on each others level, she is able to understand his city/atom terms where other cats cannot, and he is eager to learn more about the world outside the city. Pinefrost needs that understanding/knowledge of the world to feel more secure, and Rutherford gives it her in spades.

"it strikes me as odd that he's giving away resources when he was so skeptical of Pinefrost giving Sedgenose her fresh kill, and is directing them all out of the city purely out of the goodness of his heart" -everything is a means to an end ;) As for your theories… i love em both. I love getting people’s midway theories!

There is no way but through!!!

#THANK U SO MUCH OMFG #the fucking MEMES #DAMN BITCH YOU LIVE HERE #and yes we are houndpelt pedro pascal shaming in this house #asks

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adracat · 3 days

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So I have a feeling I'm gonna ramble on here, so tl:dr is basically I love your writing, thanks for sharing. With that out of the way:

I started by reading your G Witch myth analyses here on Tumblr. TBQH a lot of it went over my head, but I enjoyed them all (went through a mythology phase in like elementary school, so it's been a minute, but I still casually enjoy learning about myths). Then I saw you have fics on AO3. And as a millennial on the interwebs I am aware of the site, but as someone generally in the ace sphere of things I haven't actually spent any time over there. Anyway, I found your Law of Causality series and because my Sulemio brainrot is boundless I read As Above So Below. And boy howdy did I enjoy that. Like, read it a few times. The story telling is really good, and I love the little notes you stick on at the ends of the chapters. Now I am not a Prospera fan, so I didn't read Chaos and Night for a while. But eventually I decided I liked your writing enoughto give it a try. What can I say, I truly enjoy the world you concocted and wanted more of it. I'm glad I did, because I think that may be my favorite of the three stories. Still don't like Prospera as a person in general, but you wrote her so well. Like, girl, don't go making those stupid-ass choices. But obviously I see why she did, because her characterization comes through so strong in your stories, so she really had no choice in her decisions (tragically, yes). But, not to state the obvious or anything, Notrette is the one who steals the show. My favorite of your characters. The times where she is so open and honest and vulnerable in sharing her feelings with Prospera kills me every single time. She gets the best lines due to those situations. Like there are at least three times where she bluntly asks Prospera to stay in the garden, and that's not even counting the handful of times she asks for them to be a family. Damn. We all know what's gonna happen, but it doesn't make that knife's edge any less sharp. I have many favorite lines of hers, but up there is when she come back from Delling and tells Prospera she was only able to do it by thinking of her. Man, that whole interaction gets me every time and I gotta take a moment to pause and reflect. Absolutely heart wrenching. Anywho. Their toxic, tragic relationship is just so dynamic. Plus, again, all your mythology easter eggs were delightful. I thoroughly enjoyed looking up the different names and stories as I came upon/recognized them. (I'm actually naming a new character of mine in an upcoming ttrpg I'm joining after one of the gods I learned about and then did a deeper dive into late one night.) I'm sure there was quite a bit that slipped past my notice, which is a testament to your vast knowledge of a wide variety of deities across different cultures. Theophany was like a sweet afterwards/gift when it came out. Loved how it ties in the two stories, and how the two relationships mirror each other. Devastatingly so, and also in a beautiful way. I will never get over Prospera always being so firmly rooted in the past that she kills off so many healing futures she might have had. And how Suletta refuses to do the same, even without knowing her mother's tragedies, and is able to focus more on her present with a certain amount of forethought as well. Ugg, cycles indeed. I have, of course, read your other G Witch fics (the finished ones anyway, will get to the last one when it's completed). Those are great as well, but I mostly wanted to gush about your Law of Causality. I have read each story multiple times now. Just last night I finished reading all of them, in order, in their entirety. I can't get them out of my head (kinda want to go and reread my favorite parts again already) which is what lead me to reaching out to you. I'm not sure if this is poor etiquette or whatever, and I'm not an elegant writer like you, and it's certainly obnoxiously long, but I figured I've gotten so much enjoyment from your writing I ought to let you know. So. Thanks.

This made my day! Thank you so much for the gushing praise. Law of Causality possessed my soul while writing it, and I honestly think it may be the best thing I've written purely on a cohesive and thematic level. I wanted people to dive deep into everything I was doing there and think about why certain references were chosen. I'm looking for a moment to actually do a lengthy write-up on the stuff that may have been too obfuscated lmao. The two pairings are complimentary and contrasting tellings that I loved bringing to life. Prospera I knew would be a hard sell for people, but I'm glad you gave it a chance! Notrette's lines were a treat. (Ngl I reread too for them) I'm glad I wrote her saying the wildest off-the-wall shit to contrast Prospera's self-inflicted misery brainhole. It's incredible to know my work is seen and appreciated <3

#g witch #adracatwrites

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aranict · 8 days

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Book asks! 9, 12, and 19 please :D

OOooh that was a hard one!

Wall of text incoming :D

9.if u were stuck on an island and could only have three books w u what would they be? (series would be counted as one cuz as i said so)

The Coldfire trilogy by C.S Friedman

Havenstar by Glenda Larke

Deathless by Catherynne Valente

Those books mean a lot to me, to be fair they are the only books I went back to re-read right after I finished them. Each one has a different appeal, either due to its story, or its characters.

Coldfire is a masterpiece of how to write a dark fantasy tale with The Most Memorable Villain (™) in the genre, whose moral decline goes far more than the lust for power; Tarrant is an once hailed saviour, a killer, a martyr, a master of demonic forces and unimaginable powers, who yet manages to have such a strong presence in the world, that even the main hero - Damien, the equivalent of the upright cleric of light - is drawn to. Damien’s own change of beliefs and attitude to him towards the series is beautifully executed and more importantly, believable ; in the end of the series, they are both changed, moved by their respective rigid values and beliefs, into camaraderie and understanding. Even if the book shows its age sometimes- its 34 years old by now - its flaws can be overlooked in favour of the fantastic worldbuilding and the memorable main characters.

Havenstar is perhaps the most underrated standalone novel I have ever read. Again , published in the early 90s and relatively unknown, it has one of the most original concepts regarding the impact of magic and such forces - magic is chaotic, unpredictable, and seemingly controlled by demons, having disastrous effects when used without care. The land itself is changed, where magic is present in abundance, with magic users being hunted as servants of the dark. People rely on mapmakers who can see and chart the ever changing landscape to travel - people like the main protagonist, who takes it upon her to pick up her father’s work in mapping out the unstable wild lands. Keris is forced in one such journey to work with a man who is bound to the dark - Davron, a magic user, who represents the evil she has been taught to hate all her life. Only things are not what they seem, and Keris comes to understand that what she has been shown about magic is not quite true, and to see the plight of a persecuted people first hand, which helps here to grow out of her taught prejudices and narrow mindedness of the society she has been brought up in. Keris and Davron’s gradual transition from hate to understanding and eventually, to something more, is a masterfully told enemies-to-lovers story, which again, puts newer works on the genre to shame. I could go on and on about this book, but I would rather you just read it instead :)

Deathless is… I don’t really know what to say about this book, it walks the fine line between genre fiction and literary fiction, the prose is a work of art in itself, a lyrical, dark fairytale inspired by the Russian folklore of the Tsar of Life and Death. I do not think that I have read a love story more profound, more memorable, than that of Marya and Koschei; their love is something terrible to behold, bound to surpass the bounds of life and death. A fairytale told in the age where magic dies, the a dark , twisted story with the backdrop of the political turmoil and wars of the 20th century. It just something that you have to read :)

“I do not tolerate a world emptied of you.” :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

12.a book/book series u wish u could read for the first time ever again?

I think that I would want to re-read the Malazan Book Of the Fallen series again, and re-live all the beautiful, tragic, heart-wrenching moments of this epic like the first time. It’s the pinnacle of epic fantasy for me, the kind that you cannot really describe in a short summary. It has the right amount of action, character development, insane lore and magic - think D&D but in a more mature setting. Gods walk the earth, magic tears the realm and the sky, legions battle impossible odds…It’s military fantasy, at its best, with politics, power plays between gods and mortals and flawed, tragic characters. Add to that the masterful writing of Steven Erikson, who writes a D&D fantasy like it's a Greek tragedy, and come on, what’s not to like?

Provided, they are difficult books. There is a lot of philosophy and symbolism thrown in and the prose is quite heavy, but… it’s beautiful :)

19.a book u came across randomly but ended up loving it?

Ok, a really random read that I actually enjoyed quite a lot was Anthony Ryan’s A Pilgrimage of Swords. Although I’ve read quite a lot of Ryan’s works, I found this novella by chance while browsing books on the kobo store. It is not a full length novel but it’s exceptionally good, reads a lot like a D&D party adventure , a party of people thrown together on a quest. However, this is Ryan we’re talking about, so the worldbuilding is terrific, and the main character , the Pilgrim, is just a chef’s kiss kind of morally grey character, who is equal parts intimidating, sarcastic, utterly likeable. :)

Thanks for tagging me!!!

#aranict rambles

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