man if you're voting for biden just to vote against trump, just say that. we have got to get over this harm reduction shit when what we really mean is harm reduced for us, me, mr american and literally nobody else on this bitch of an earth. if the only and most emphasized thing we do to reduce the harm our president and their platform does to the living is vote, we are reducing nothing. for anyone or ourselves, because voting alone doesn't challenge the trajectory of anything. it buys 4 more years before we have to do it all again, if that. thinking this way is what promises having to think this way again, and again, and again and again. in 2024, who american leftists vote for 1 day of the year matters little compared to what we do the other 364.

The Lost Sister - Part 8

Synopsis: Xaden is known as an only child due to his sister who 'died' during the Rebellion. Little do they know she didn't die and has been so close this entire time.

Garrick Tavis x OC A/N: Wasn't going to double post today but I'm feeling generous with it being Valentines Day. Sadly nothing super romantic about this one, but I promise some really good stuff is coming soon! I also have a few more one shots, but my requests are open if you have any more you guys want to send through! The Lost Sister Masterlist | Masterlist

The rotunda is empty as Imogen and I enter. Everyone in the dining hall eating. The feeling of being alone should unsettle me given recent circumstances, but after today I feel like that’s behind us.

Usually I would feel her eyes on me, but as she approached me in the hall I had no idea. Though I had been a little distracted at the lack of Garrick, Xaden and Bodhi at dinner.

She leads me over to the edge of the rotunda, and sits on the ledge, leaning up against one of the pillars. I copy her on the opposite side. For a few moments we sit in silence, looking out over the trees and mountains. It’s beautiful under the moonlight. In the distance I occasionally see dragons flying around. I wonder if one of them will be mine come threshing.

“I’d say I’m sorry for how I’ve acted towards you and what I did today. But I’m won’t. It’s just my weird way of processing this I guess.” She finally says, still looking out over the trees. “But, I can’t assure you it won’t happen again.”

I slowly nod my head. “Thanks, I guess.”

She looks over at me as if confused by my response.

“Not going to lie I was expecting a different response out of you regarding this. Also kind of surprised Garrick isn’t attached to your hip after what I did.”

I can’t help the laugh that escapes my lips. “Yeah well I kinda ran off after he told me he had feelings for me and I haven’t seen him since.”

She narrows her eyes at me and the look she gives me is like she thinks I’m crazy. Which honestly, I definitely am.

“You ran off?” She emphasises each words.

“Yeah.” I lean my head back on the pillar and sigh. I was such an idiot. “I ran off. Like an idiot. And now he’s nowhere to be seen.”

She shakes her head and laughs at me. “Well if it’s any help, I don’t think you haven’t seen him because of what happened. With Bodhi and Xaden also both gone, and from what I could see their dragons to, I think something’s come up.”

I nod. She’s right. In the last few weeks it had become almost normal for the boys to disappear some nights without much warning. But it still felt like it had to do with me. Maybe they went out to help Garrick clear his head. But if that was the case I’m sure either Xaden or Bodhi would have come to see how I was.

“I’m sure Garrick has told you are history and why I’ve been the way I’ve been?” She finally says after a few minutes of me swimming in my own thoughts.

“Yeah, only took me weeks of asking and then snapping at him in the healers quadrant before.” I tell her, earning a laugh out of her.

“I knew I’d like you. Even if I hate how much you have Garrick wrapped around your finger, I can see why.” She says with probably one of the first genuine smiles I’ve seen on her since I’ve been here. “And honestly I did this to myself. He always said he couldn’t give me more than something casual. That his heart lay elsewhere. He never said who, just that they were part of the rebellion casualties. And then you showed up.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause any issues. Though was inevitable with everyone thinking I was dead for the last few years. Though I didn’t know Melgren’s plan till the night before conscription day.” I look away from her back out over the valley below us.

I catch the sad look that passes over her face as she studies me. “Don’t be sorry. You being back, as much as its annoyed me in one aspect, has been good the the guys. But can you promise me one thing?” She says as she stands.

I look over at her and nod.

”Don’t fuck it up. He deserves to be happy. And you definitely make him the happiest I’ve ever seen him.”

And with that, she turns and leaves me alone in the Rotunda with my thoughts.

Imogen’s words hang over my head. Don’t fuck it up. Easier said than done. Part of me is over joyed that Garrick shares the same feelings. Though looking back I’m an idiot for not seeing it sooner. I just put it down to us being best friends. Yes he wasn’t like that with Xaden, but I was a girl. Of course our friendship would naturally be a little different.

But part of me is also terrified. What if it goes badly? What if it puts a divide in the dynamic of our group. I couldn’t live with myself if I came between Xaden and Garrick. As much as Xaden is extremely loyal to Garrick, Xaden would pick me over him without a question. It would destroy him. But he would do it. And that’s not something I’d want him to do.

So I do the stupid thing and avoid them. Which sadly is quite easy with how little they are around. They’re in our daily battle brief class, wedged up in the back corner. I know cause I feel their eyes on me despite not turning around to see if they are there. But when it comes to challenges, their appearance is few and far between. And if they are there I do my best to blend into the crowd. As best as I can with my hair colour. Though I haven’t dyed it since arriving, and at nearly 2 months in my natural dark hair has started to shown through. Rhiannon and Violet keep telling me to let it grow out as it looks good with the dark red.

But outside of classes, I rarely see them. I get glimpses of them, but most nights they aren’t at dinner. Imogen makes comments about them being sent out for drills and such. Must be part of being a third year. Though I do notice they are gone more often than the other third years.

A few times Garrick tries to catch me after battle brief or find me at challenges, but somehow I manage to get away. I’m not quite ready to have the conversation he wants to have. But I can’t avoid it forever. A few times I nearly cave when I see the pained look in his hazel eyes. Pain I was causing. Pain I’d seen in Xaden and Bodhi’s eyes as well.

Soon our gym time turns into Gauntlet training with presentation day around the corner. So far our squad has done pretty well. Only one casualty so far. One I had to watch Violet almost be apart of. She hid it but I knew how much it killed her on the inside. She was yet to fully complete the gauntlet and today was our last day of training before presentation day tomorrow.

As we walk up the stairs to the gauntlet my heart drops. Not only is Xaden standing off to the side, Garrick is with him. It wasn’t uncommon for leadership to watch their squads do training on the gauntlet, so far neither had turned up for ours. Of course they show up on the last day.

Rhiannon who is next to me must notices something is off and follows my eyes to where Xaden and Garrick are.

“Why do you look so scared to see Xaden and Garrick?” She asks.

I hadn’t quite built the relationship with her that Violet had, but it was getting there. But I hadn’t told her about my interaction with Garrick after the challenge with Imogen.

“Remember how he took me to the healers after my fight with Imogen?” I whisper to her so the others around us don’t hear. The last thing I need is gossip spreading about this while I’m still figuring my own feelings out.

She nods. “Yeah I remember. Practically rushed over and scooped you up in his arms before you could get off the mat. Was quite romantic.” I roll my eyes at her.

Our group comes to a stop in front of the gauntlet, Xaden and Garrick making their way over with Emettiro. Both their eyes locked on mine.

I lean closer to her. “He might have confessed he’s essentially been in love with me for years and years despite me being dead and I kind of panicked and ran off and have been avoiding him ever since. Which also means avoiding my brother.”

She shakes her head and chuckles at me. “Girl I could have told you he was in love with you. No one looks at someone the way he does with out being in love.”

I go to reply but Emettiro calls us to start running the gauntlet. And I’m glad Rhiannon and I end up near the front, being one of the first ones to go. Though I doubt Xaden and Garrick are here to try talk to me, as much as they may want to. At the end of the day, they want the wing to do well.

I step up as Rhiannon takes off, my eyes meeting Garrick’s. His face is a mask and I can’t read it at all. I can tell he’s upset though. He’s never like that with me. I’m one of the few he never puts a mask up for. Xaden on the other hand is intently focused on Violet who is behind me. Before I take off up the gauntlet I offer Garrick a quick smile. For a brief second before I take off, his mask falters and his eyes soften as he gives me a tight lipped smile. The entire way up the I feel his eyes following me. He’s yet to see me climb it. And probably won’t tomorrow as most of the leadership wait up top for their squads and wings to pass the gauntlet.

I reach the top with ease. Yet again Melgren’s training had really prepared me for this. I’d barely had any issues getting up the gauntlet in the first day. And most times I caught up to or passed the person in front of me. As much as I didn’t want to think it. I was grateful for his training over the years. I turn around to look down the gauntlet to see both Garrick and briefly Xaden looking up at me. Both look happy with how easily I made it up. Xaden’s gaze drops to something below me. Violet is yet again stuck on the last parts of the gauntlet. And dare I say, does Xaden looks concerned? His eyes shift up to mine. We both know she needs to find an alternate way up the last part of the gauntlet.

Part 9

@riorgail @going-through-shit @fw-gt @bbkissme99 @xceafh

ok one post about the ign interview bc the bit about the evil route just hit so weird

putting aside my initial reaction that it's a condescending way to treat your audience, it's like genuinely—what's the point of an evil run? what do people want out of that? many possible answers, my main one would be to explore a character with different motivations. but they went with, 'let the player indulge the worst impulses they're assumed to have and then punish them for it,' and, why?

yeah, killing the tieflings is heinous and feels bad. but discussion that takes the scenario itself as a given and goes 'how could you the player choose to do this horrible thing, of course there's less content, what did you expect' like man...i wanted to see the other option in your branching-choices rpg. you, the writers, have full control over this whole setup. a secondary/evil route could have been anything. you chose to make it this. why put it in if it's a narrative dead-end that just exists a moral gotcha? why center the big act 1 choice point around that?

it feels like a dm going hey dipshit, if you keep killing all my npcs there's not going to be any story, which, fair. but you're making a video game, you hold all the cards. why so much focus on rebuking the worst kind of players when you're free to just not write avenues for that kind of behavior into the plot

it's like they're wedded to one conception of what an 'evil' playstyle is that they feel obligated to but don't really respect or want to write for. by dnd law, we HAVE to include The Evil Route where you kill everybody indiscriminately, but if you take it you're bad and you should feel bad. and again, just....why spend the resources on smth you have contempt for. it doesn't have to be wanton destruction. there's a thousand more interesting ways to do dark side characters. why not come up with an alternative way for PCs to interact with the plot that you're actually enthused about writing?

another toffee analysis by sage h silentfire

I've been sitting on this analysis for a while, and I was going to touch on it briefly in a project I'm working on, but a talk with my therapist allowed me to put it into words and in greater detail than before. So here it is:

Why exactly do I like Toffee so much? It's a genuine question. He's the target of many different questionable writing choices, barely focused on, and forgotten within seconds of his death. We know so little about him he's basically a generic doomsday villain. The fandom is worse to him: popular interpretations paint him as cruel, arrogant, spiteful, and even, surprisingly enough, stupid. The word "sociopath" gets thrown around a lot, which, ableist. He's emotionless. He has no empathy. He's unable to connect with people. While liking villains is somewhat acceptable nowadays, it's always with the expectation that you like them because they're evil, not for any deeper reason. And with Toffee, because he's so poorly written, that should be the reason you like him. Because he's evil, and that's awesome.

But that's not why I like Toffee.

See, I am autistic, and that's never going away. I get more stereotypically autistic by the year, as I grow and become more independent, and my newfound independence clashes with my family and the society I live in. I'm weird, I'm moderately smart, I'm quirky. But more critically, I have no close friends because I literally don't know how to make and maintain friendships. I feel painfully aware of the potential emotions of everyone around me, but I don't know how to act on that awareness and communicate effectively with people, leading me to assume the worst. I have had meltdowns in crowded spaces that went completely unnoticed because I was "too subtle". I even worry that I'll die without any of the stories I want to tell – without my story – being told, because no one wanted to learn it.

Sound familiar?

So yes, I like Toffee. Even think he's a halfway decent person morality-wise, not just a villain. He expresses emotions weirdly, but he does express emotions. He is staunchly not willing to sacrifice his plans for others, but he still takes time to be nice to other people regardless. He didn't kill Moon and Marco when he could have, even though they were trying to kill him. He is empathetic enough to manipulate people and smart enough to take control of any situation, and he does it while not expressing emotions in ways others would expect. He's so much like my dream self fr.

And he dies the unquestioned villain, never getting the chance to tell his side of the story. The only perspective that we do get is filtered through the lens of his murderers. 

"But Sage!" you might be saying. "What about Comet?!"

Well. I do count Comet's death as one of the questionable choices the writers made (it makes very little sense with Toffee's character, wouldn't he manipulate her into a better deal? It feels a little like the writers were like "Oh shoot, we haven't made Toffee evil enough to 'deserve' his graphic death, let's... uh, let's make him kill Moon's mother for no reason!"), but I can understand why Toffee did it, again through an autistic lens.

See, autistic people like me aren't taken seriously. Not about our areas of knowledge, not about our views and beliefs, and especially not about matters of our physical and mental health. We're treated like weird baby dolls that are expected not to have meltdowns or criticize their "superiors". Or we're embarrassments, time bombs just waiting to go off and mortify whoever we're with. Growing up, I was never able to be right, or even have a point. Oh, there were minor disagreements my guardians let me "win" and then would weaponize during the more serious arguments, but whenever we got into screaming matches, I was always the one in the wrong. We didn't even apologize or talk it out after arguments; it was always expected that I would realize I was wrong eventually and it was swept under the rug with all the other skeletons of long-dead arguments and left to simmer into resentment. 

But there was one surefire way to make a dent, one I discovered recently and that has actually saved my life.

In the summer of 2022, I was put on a new medication. Long story short, I did not sleep for two weeks. I was in shambles, and I needed my mother to raise hell from me, because she would not let me do it myself – my psychiatry goes through my guardians, and I didn't even have the psychiatrist's number at the time. But she wouldn't do anything. The psychiatrist thought things would level out eventually, and my mother thought what the psychiatrist thought, nevermind that I was actively getting worse and my sleeping pills were getting less effective by the day. I begged her to raise hell like I knew she could, and she sent a mild phone call gently suggesting that things still weren't ideal. I could feel myself slipping away as everyone who was ostensibly taking care of me sat and twiddled their thumbs.

So I got personal. I deliberately started a big blowout. I convinced her that things weren't going well, and this little game of chicken with my health wouldn't result in the perfect, uncritical, angelic autistic daughter she so desperately wanted. I got into a screaming match, I listed everything she had ever done wrong, and I told her to shut up and stop spewing weak justifications on how my pain wasn't her fault, actually. I hit her where it hurts. I hurt her back. I hurt her.

And it worked. Hurting her made her take me seriously and I was back on my old meds before sunset. I slept well that night. And I will never regret it. 

So maybe Toffee's plan to overthrow his colonizers with the death of Comet didn't end in monster victory. But if it weren't for the eleventh-hour dark magic, it would have. And Toffee's people were oppressed and the victims of genocide for ages. They were the small band of rebels fighting an evil colonizing empire. They were ideologically in the right. They kicked and clawed and bit until they found something to hurt, and then they didn't hesitate. Because no one took them seriously, and they still wouldn't have taken them seriously unless they did something damaging. Comet sure didn't; her chapter is a continually escalating series of microaggressions. Moon didn't; she doesn't seem to care about the conflict at all before Comet's death. Who else would take him seriously? Mina? The High Commission? Glossaryck?

So while I don't think he was totally in character in killing Comet, I do understand more than others why he might have done it. 

Because Toffee is like me, for better or for worse. And he could have been great for me and people like me. But he wasn't. He was assumed to be evil and left to die immediately. Because people like me are always the bad guys.

In short,

Exhibits:

Toffee's emotions, courtesy @butterflyeffectiveless:

Comet's continually escalating microaggressions:

Additional source for Toffee being autistic:

because i'm autistic and i like him

the end.

In your recent post about Amber grooming Tara… how does Sam not notice or do anything about it? Isn’t she older in that AU and would therefore be even more careful and protective of Tara, as she’s in her care? Like, she’s not there in canon so she can’t do anything to stop or prevent it. But if she’s around I don’t really see a way for Amber to get close to Tara once Sam starts having bad feelings about their “relationship”. What do you think?

Easy to say, not so easy in reality.

Hicks and Sam are close, and she's close with Wes and the twins. Sam's 5 years older than them, but they're basically her best friends and her family, and therefore Tara's family too. She trusts them to look after her sister. Amber and Liv she doesn't know as well, but they trust them and like them, so Sam learns to get along with them too, and Tara is as friendly with them as everyone else.

She doesn't feel weird about Tara clinging to Wes or the twins, she doesn't feel weird about her whispering in their ear or having secrets. So why should she feel any weird when Tara does the same to Amber or Liv, just because Sam's not as close to them? Sam's dislike of Amber is due to personality conflict - but Amber's abrasive personality isn't targeted towards Tara, she's actually nice to Tara, so Sam doesn't see a problem with letting her be around her like she does with everybody else. Not only that, but it would be very apparent if everybody could hang with Tara except one.

Up until Tara was 13 (&¾), it was genuinely just a 'normal' friendship, albeit an unbalanced one. Amber likes that Tara hung onto her every word, she liked the 'hero worship' that having a younger friend gave her. She knew that Tara had a crush on her and would tease her about it, but she never thought about her that way until Richie pointed out how much power she had over her and how she could use that to mess with Sam. Part of Tara's problems with Sam were genuinely just her being a teenager and acting out, but they were also encouraged by Amber, because Amber thought it would be funny, but also because she wasn't wrong.

They would fight about things like Tara going round to someone else's house to do homework, staying late after school, she wanted to go out to the shops by herself, she wanted to keep playing soccer. All things that normal people her age were able to do, but Sam was hesitant if not downright objecting to them. Sam's been looking after Tara her whole life, and has literally been her legal guardian since she was 7. She's having a hard time dealing with the fact Tara is growing up, and Tara's beginning to push against those boundaries. One big argument they have is Sam catches Tara kissing a boy. It was a perfectly innocent peck and the boy is blushing more than she is, but Sam doesn't take it well. It causes friction.

That's not all on Amber, and Sam accusing Tara's difficulty on Amber only makes the arguing worse. Sam accuses Amber because she's a convenient scapegoat, she's close with Tara in a way Sam thinks should belong solely to her, and she already doesn't like her. So by the time Amber does start to act differently with Tara, it's so much harder to notice because Tara's already made her friendship with Amber more secretive and hidden from Sam - not that Amber would have been stupid enough to be intimate with Tara in front of her or others. And like, she's nearly 14, she has a phone and email and access to the internet, they communicate a lot that way. There was so much more to their relationship than Sam or the others got to see.

Also you just... never expect that from a person? Like, what sort of fucked up person would do that, ya know. Just cause you don't like a person doesn't mean you assume the very worst of them. As far as Sam's concerned, Amber just doesn't like her and is putting bad ideas in Tara's head to irritate Sam, and that's not wrong.

MUSE, CHAPTER 15 (PRESENT)

— warning: profanity, mentions of infidelity, mature scenes included, smut is included in this, chapters jumps from past to present, college au (past), luxury rich adults (present), intercourse in a car, usage of spit, gagging, slight praise kink, angst, this chapter lowkey setting up for the messiness, reader implied to be black, kinda like a hbo sitcom in my head — chapter summary: the journey of nanami gaining y/n's trust back starts right now.

— previous chapter. masterlist. taglist. ao3

NANAMI KENTO WAS ALWAYS A FAMILY MAN. His family was quite known in Japan. With his mother being a well-known jeweler and his father being an established lawyer, the bloodline was as successful as it can get. He understood that his family strived for the best and they weren’t expecting anything but the best. The outrageous idea of him being an artist nearly put both his parents into a retirement home early. They expected him to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a lawyer, but he just couldn’t. With being one of the most successful artists in the world, they managed to finally let go of the disappointment of him being an artist. However, they still wanted control of his life by choosing who he will be married to—which blew up in their face and is the reason why he was meeting with them in the first place.

As he made his way through the restaurant, following behind the hostess as they led him to a table in a secluded area for privacy—the artist was not only met with his parents but his grandfather Karou also. His grandfather was old, very old—but he still had a mouth on him that caused Nanami to sulk into his seat in embarrassment. “Good Afternoon,” Nanami exclaimed as he took the seat across from his mom and next to his grandfather. 

“We heard the news. I can’t believe we didn’t know, we thought we did so much research on that woman and her family,  sweetie.” His mother rubbed at her temple in shame. “I’m so sorry sweetie, I can only imagine how you feel having to fall out of love with her due to this.” She sighs.

The thing is, Nanami fell out of love with Serena (or should he say Lana) a long time ago. He felt stupid that he didn’t listen to his heart to break it off. Only thinking about disappointing his parents if he broke off the engagement and how horrible of a PR disaster that would be, now knowing that Lana was a con artist. Deep down Nanami knew that Lana knew he was never in love with her. He just didn’t know how long. 

“Give me a fuckin’ break Kento!” Serena yelled as she was sipping from the bottle of wine. “You’re still in love with that woman.” 

Nanami had his back turned away from her as he was washing dishes. He knew that she was just drunk, on her fifth glass of wine for the evening. He had an important meeting in the morning and he didn’t have time to indulge in any arguments with her tonight. 

“I’m engaged to you, not her!” Nanami finally spoke up. 

“It doesn’t seem like it. Ever since your gala, you have just been acting differently.” Serena argued back as she placed the bottle down on the marble counter. 

Nanami knew that was true. Y/N and him slept together here in this house before Serena and himself moved into it. Afterward, all he could see was her. Y/N L/N. When he had sex with Serena, that’s all he saw was Y/N. The mere memory of them having sex as if they were back in college swirled around his mind. Serena just wasn’t like Y/N. While Y/N was this genuine and kind person, Serena was the complete opposite of that. 

Nanami turned around to look at Serena—meeting the glare she was giving him. He dried his hands using the dish towel and crossed his arms over his chest. “Then leave, Serena. If you’re so sure about this. Leave.”

Nanami should have known right there that Serena was only there for his money. What type of woman knowingly stays in an engagement when their fiancé is in love with someone else? Then again what type of man stays in an engagement when he’s in love with someone else? Nanami couldn’t put the full blame for the situation on his parents or Serena, he had to take the blame also. For lying to Y/N to even pretending to be in love with someone like Serena. He couldn’t even forgive himself for his actions, so he highly doubts Y/N would. 

“We would like to apologize, son,” His father spoke up, completely interrupting Nanami’s thoughts.

“As you should. You both should be ashamed of yourself for even trying to dictate his life.” Karou spoke up.

“Dad.” Nanami’s mom spoke firmly. “Please don’t start.” 

“It’s true. We wouldn’t have to worry about the PR disaster to come if you guys just let the kid do what he wants,” Karou explained. He nudged his grandson’s side and gave him that grin he always gave him. “You trusted him to major in what he wanted to do despite not agreeing with it—and you see where that got him.” 

Nanami could always count on his grandfather to be the voice of reason in the situation. He watched as his parents shared a look before excusing themselves from the table. They probably had to talk about what to do in a situation like this. After all, they did help create it. Nanami leaned back into his seat before Karou broke the silence. 

“Ken, do you still keep in contact with that one girl?” Karou asked as he looked at him. 

“What girl, grandpa?” Nanami asked.

“Don’t act so stupid, that pretty one. She always had such a bright smile when guys would take me to my doctor’s appointment together when you were in college.” 

Nanami chuckles at his statement, “You mean when you would not go to your doctor’s appointment unless I brought her with me.” 

“It’s nothing wrong with that,” Karou answered slowly. “I think you should contact her again, when you’re ready, of course.” 

Nanami sighed. “It’s complicated. You wouldn’t understand,” He adds. “I think I messed that up a long time ago.” 

“Of course, ‘cause you’re stupid and spend too much time kissing your parents' ass.” 

“Grandpa!” 

“It’s the truth.” Karou took a sip of his water. 

Nanami watched as his hand shook while he lifted the glass. He knew not to help his grandfather do such a task simply because he would only complain. “She was caught in the crossfire of this Serena situation and I may have burnt my bridges with her badly.” 

“Okay? So rebuild these bridges.” Karou said just as Nanami’s parents returned to the table.

He watched as his parents shared a look before his father was speaking. “We are so sorry son. We take full responsibility for trying to control your life so much. Now you have to worry about this woman possibly ruining your reputation.” 

“There’s proof of her being a con artist, she most likely went along to con someone else. I just want to move on from this.” Nanami responded. “I can’t fully blame you guys since you were just trying to do what was best for me. However, for now—I have to go rebuild some bridges I burnt down with somebody..so excuse me.” He stood up from the table and walked away.

Before he got further away from the table, he turned to see his grandfather giving him a thumbs up and poorly executed wink. Nanami chuckles before heading out of the restaurant. He had to make amends with Y/N and he would do anything to do that. Even if there is a possibility that she didn’t even want anything to do with Nanami, he still hopes that she would forgive him at least. He couldn’t live a life where the one girl he cared about didn’t at least know how sorry he was. He could live without the two of them not being as close as they used to, but—he couldn’t live with the thought of Y/N not hearing him apologize. 

As soon as he got into his car, he zoomed to Y/N’s office as if his life depended on it. His mind raced with what he would say to her. Well, he should start with sorry. Yeah, he’ll start with that and just go from there. The insane thing about all of this is that Nanami still kept in contact with Mariah. Mariah still emailed him about ideas for the collaboration with himself and Y/N, which he had to admit the young fashion designer had some amazing ideas. He still thought the idea of combining his art and Y/N’s fashion could be good for both of them. It could open up their career to so many different things. 

When Nanami arrived at Y/N’s office, Mariah who was at her desk eyes bulged out her head seeing Nanami. She quickly stood up trying to catch up with his prideful strides. “Uh, what are you doing here?” Mariah asked.

“I’m here to apologize to Y/N. I know I don’t have any flowers or anything, but I need her to know that I’m sorry.” Nanami looked at Mariah with the most heartbreaking eyes.

She felt like if she were to utter Y/N’s name, the man in front of her would break down crying. Mariah would shake her head, “No, this isn’t a good time.” She exclaims.

“Is she in a meeting right now? I can wait.” Nanami said.

“No.”

“Zoom call?” 

“No.” 

“Designing something. I know she hates when people interrupt her doing that.” Nanami admits. 

“No.” 

“Then what?” Nanami asked.

“I know about your fiancé being exposed and the quite interesting cabin trip, but I think she and Toji broke up. I mean they technically weren’t dating—but it really hit her. She just doesn't want to be bothered right now.” Mariah says. “She’s been in her office crying here and there.” 

Nanami’s lips formed a straight line. He didn’t expect Toji and her to call it quits, again. It felt like college all over again. Nanami was a little too familiar with a situation like this. So, he knew exactly how to chair the woman up. “Do you have a vending machine here by chance?” He asked.

Mariah’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. She would nod her head. “It’s down the hall to the left. Right next to the break room.” She admits and Nanami nods, not saying a word to Mariah, and walks down to the hall. 

When he found the vending machine, his chocolate brown hues scanned over the variety of things in it. He figured she would have this specific snack in it considering how she loved them so much. He pulled out his wallet to grab the yen bills to pay for them. As he watch the snack and the drink he paid for drop down to the slot, his mind was racing about what he was going to say. Maybe it was because this time it was so different. In college, they were always on good terms when he consoled her. Now, he felt like it was a bit hypocritical for him to attempt to give her some advice to make her feel better—when he knew he was most likely the reason why she and Toji fell apart in the first place.

When he returned to Mariah, she glanced at the snacks in Nanami’s hand. Her brain couldn’t comprehend what he had planned considering that she had attempted to use food to make the woman feel better also. She even went to that pizza place that sells this pizza Y/N loved. However, last time she checked Y/N had let the pizza grow cold before asking Mariah to put it in the break room fridge as she was attempting to color something in her book. 

“Are you sure about this?” Mariah asked. “I just feel like you’re the last person she wants to see, after Toji.” 

“I’ll be okay. I just think she needs to let out the frustration she has inside of her. If I have to be the one to receive the harsh blows, I’m okay with that.” 

The grasp Mariah had on Nanami’s sleeve loosened as she would step back. Her lips curled in a sly smile—hoping that her boss would at least open up. Even if that meant receiving the harshness first. Nanami had knocked on the office door twice. He didn’t even hear a come in or go away, so he slid into the office and glanced around his surroundings. Y/N was tapping away on her computer, her eyes never leaving the screen and you could hear her faint sniffles from crying previously. Nanami took a couple of steps forward towards her dress—the woman in front of him was so into what was on the computer screen, she didn’t even notice that he had walked in. His lips parted to greet her but when her eyes landed on his, those eyes that once lit up like the brightest stars at night when she saw him, started to water. Her lip gloss-covered lips began to quiver and soon she’s burning her head in her arms on her desk and back to crying. 

Nanami placed the juice box and box of pocky sticks on the desk in front of Y/N. Her head was buried in her arms as she was mumbling something in German, which he was sure was some random profanity word he taught her when she found out he knew German. He could hear her mumbling something, but couldn’t quite understand her. However, her hand did reach in front of her grabbing the juice box he placed in front of her. 

“I know I’m the last person you want to see right now, but you haven’t kicked me out yet or yelled at me—so maybe I can help you feel better.” Nanami adjusted himself in the seat in front of her desk. “So, I shall wait here until you’re ready to talk..just like old times” He adds.

The memory of sitting in her room listening to her color in some design she had to redo for class in a frustrated manner after her professor had made her redo it. Or when she got into an argument with her parents and gave everyone the silent treatment. Nanami always patiently waited for her to open up to him because he knew she would do the same for him in the roles were reversed. 

So he was sitting in front of her desk flipping through a fashion magazine as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. The sound of the miniature desk clock on her desk ticked with each passing minute while the two of them sat in silence. A silence both of them were deeply familiar with. That was between soft swallows from the juice box, and Y/N finally decided to speak. “Why are you here? I’m still mad at you.” 

“I know and that’s not stopping me from leaving,” Nanami responded while his brown-colored eyes never left the magazine he was reading. 

He heard her let out an annoyed sigh before she’s typing away on her computer once again. Occasionally he could hear her munching on the pocky sticks he brought. “So you’re not leaving?” She asks.

“Nope. I met with my parents and grandfather before coming here.” Nanami says. “They apologized for their trouble, but I can’t fully blame them or Serena for the situation. I’m sorry, Y/N.” 

Y/N sipped from the juice box and leaned back in her seat. Her eyes finally met with Nanami’s. “Okay and?” She carelessly asked. Her shoulders sluggishly slouch as she leans her head back to be met with the headrest of her chair. 

“It’s going to take more than a lousy sorry for me to forgive you. What you did hurt me and caused a drift in not only our friendship but the friend group as a whole. All of you knew about it except Mei, but no one told me. No one! You guys let me continue to be so dumb when you had Serena all along. So, I can’t accept your apology, not right now.” She pauses to let out a weary sigh before continuing. “But I hate myself because I messed up something that could have been so good for me because deep down you oddly have a place in my heart.” 

Nanami was taken aback by the words that left Y/N’s mouth. His lips parted to speak, but the sound of her phone interrupted the two. He leaned back in his seat as he heard the familiar voice of her former mentor from college Ari Aiko. Ari Aiko was facetiming one of her former mentees with a huge deal for her.

“My love it looks like you have been crying. Have you been crying?” Ari’s voice chirped through the phone. 

Despite the woman being in her fifties, she still had the voice of bright sunshine. Every person in the fashion industry knew who she was. With her vibrant fashion, various fashion shows, and even brighter personality. It is important to note that she wasn’t always like that—Y/N practically changed the woman during college when she was mentoring under her. 

“I’m okay. I just had a rough morning.” Y/N sighs, her eyes darting to Nanami wondering why he was still sitting in her office intruding on her phone call.

Nanami who caught the dangering stare would begin to stand up but Ari’s words stopped him immediately.

“Well, I hope the news I’m about to tell you—stop those dreadful tears. I was rereading over your pitch your assistant sent me weeks ago. You know the collaboration with that handsome artist Nanami Kento. I love the idea of it and hosting it in Paris. I’m hoping you two are still working on that. Although, the gossip has spread around quite quickly that his engagement is off the tables.” Ari was blabbering on nonsense. 

“Uh—I don’t think—” Y/N’s words were cut off by Ari.

“I am willing to sponsor it.” Ari immediately says.

“What?” Y/N asked in shock.

“I would sponsor it. I’m extremely grateful that your assistant didn’t pitch the idea to that lady over at America’s Vogue. It’ll be a good look for you, him, and me. Plus, it will be such an amazing thing in the fashion and art industry.” Ari explained. 

“Okay, but define sponsor? Everyone has different definitions when it comes to investing their money into something.” Y/N’s eyes glance at Nanami who had taken the seat once again and eagerly was listening.

“You’re still as stubborn as can be my love. Just please let me sponsor everything. You two focus on making sure you have models at the show, actual fashion and art to display, a very nice guest list, and a good ass afterparty.” Ari admits. 

Nanami glanced at Y/N. He’s quickly grabbing a sticky note and pen that was on her desk and writing on it. The note stated that, if she didn’t feel comfortable taking the deal—don’t do it. However, the look in Y/N’s eyes was the same look he saw when she hosted her very first fashion show for Paris Fashion Week. It was a look of drive. A quite attractive look to him. 

“Fine. You want to sponsor it, I’m not going to decline that.” Y/N says. “I’ll have my assistant contact your assistant to set up a meeting sometime next week.” 

“Of course. Hugs and kisses.” Ari blew a quick kiss at the camera. “Also be sure to bring the artist with you—after all, it is his artwork that will be on some of your clothes and being displayed.” 

“I’ll let him know. Have a good day Ari.” 

With that Y/N ends the FaceTime call and tosses her phone on the desk. She leans back in her seat and forced a smile on her face. 

“Well Kento, I guess you can use this time to work for my forgiveness.” 

“I was planning on doing that anyway.” Nanami bluntly admitted. 

During that moment of them being boxed in her office, she gave him a sly grin before rolling her eyes and muttering something in German before going back to what she was doing on her computer. Occasionally, picking up pocky sticks to nibble on and not realizing that Nanami was deeply serious about the newest tasks in front of him. That was work for her to trust him again and come up with ideas for their collaboration. 

This was his time to redeem himself and fix something he had broken. 

TAGS — @maydayaisha @eiflawriting @cloudsinthecosmos @woahhajime @sawamurawife @po3ticb3auty @daichisbunny @heyitsiyanas @pulchritxde @classic-les @jazzyangel242 @kunaigirlx44 @savantsoulfinder @protectpancakes @littlemochi @astennu @keke97 @r-xochitl @cosmiic-7

Be My Favorite - Retrospective on Episode 1 and Repression of Desires due to Fear

For a full day in the pilot of Be My Favorite, Kawi operates as if he’s in a dream when he time travels back to the past. This is one of my least favorite tropes, usually. What’s the fun in a character in an exciting scenario if the character isn’t even cognizant of it? Often, I yawn and simply rock back and forth in my chair waiting for the protagonist to realize what has happened and to start thinking with their brain. And when I first watched the show, I also expected a time loop rather than what we got, and didn't realize what was actually going on.

Be My Favorite, would make me love Kawi spending an entire day back in his college life without realizing his actions have actual consequences, because of how many consequences this actually has, and how his remedies what Kawi's first vice was, or at least the first that I feel was tackled.

Kawi – and we realize later, Pisaeng’s – vice is cowardice and letting things happen around them out of fear. This manifests very differently for both of them, but in the case of Kawi, when we examine a lot of his biggest hangups, it is all centered around inaction. Not making friends. Not telling Pear he’s her secret buddy. Not convincing his dad to go to the hospital. Not getting his friend back. Not doing any of these things that he still regrets. And Kawi, when faced with issues, runs away. He always, without fail, used to run away from all of these scenarios.

But thinking he’s dreaming, we can see Kawi for who he really is. A menace! An annoying, bratty, childish menace. And Pisaeng is immediately attracted to Kawi because he’s genuine, and acting out, and is oozing with the same pain he has – loneliness. This is ultimately what changes the past forever. Kawi can’t go back from now on. He’s bonded to Pisaeng irrevocably, to the point that one night is enough for his future to be as his best friend and future best man (and for Kawi to be doing what he never did before, dancing confidently while drunk in front of everyone in that timeline in a way he never would have).

Pisaeng is similar to Kawi, not living his life in full self-actualization. He’s hiding his sexuality, unable to confront it despite knowing about it. He’s unable to fully be honest with Pear, and in fact, we see that in his original life, he never confronts it And it makes sense. We see that he rejects the superficial “friendship” he has with his former friends, namely Not, but while this is better for Pisaeng (and the correct decision to make, as Not is a total asshole) Pisaeng doesn’t have a friend except for Pear, and he cares for her dearly.

And so of course Pisaeng decides to marry Pear instead of confronting himself honestly. Is it a good idea, and what truly caring for someone should mean? No. It’s an awful idea for everyone. But he does it out of fear and an unwillingness to live his life honestly and to act on his true wants and desires (and later, it is Kawi who gets Pisaeng to break from this and to confront Pear head on, being honest in a way the original Pisaeng was unable to).

And what Kawi has to struggle with now is that now that he’s acted, there’s no going back. He’s changed the past by being himself and taking action for once, and he has to stay that way (this is also why Be My Favorite's type of time travel works so well for the show – what Kawi does in the beginning, taking action and fundamentally changing things – it can't be undone).

There is no way out of the maze he’s walked into without choosing things, making decisions, and becoming a fuller person. At this point, he wants Pear. Pear wants Pisaeng. And Pisaeng, now, he will soon realize, due to his actions in the past, wants him. Kawi has acted. And now Kawi has to go down the painful path to gaining maturity, which he avoided in his bubble of miserable inactivity the first time he lived his life.

Redoing your life is the main conceit of this show. But as the future starts to be rewritten, what the perceptive viewer realizes is that what Kawi needs to learn is what he truly wants, and what kind of a life is a truly fulfilling life. And to get what you want, to be happy, you need to always be truly present. You need to live your life with no regrets. To think back on the past a decade later and think I’ve got everything I wanted. For all you'd ever do different after time traveling back be nothing.

This is what Be My Favorite teaches us. To live honestly, bravely, and to inspire the others in your life to do so as well. Kawi learns to make the most out of his life, and because of him, Pisaeng does as well. And they live happily, holding each other's hands, together. And they're so much better off for it.

Performance - Chapter 10 (Part 19)

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring

Characters: Hokuto, Wataru

Translation Directory

She once told me something when we were together on stage - that performers and authors are only fully qualified once they have followers.

Time: Spring Last Year

Location: Inside a Train

Hokuto: ……

(…Ah, how inconvenient. I dozed off.)

(Where am I now? According to the announcement, we're at a station that's rather far from my destination...)

(It's not like me to oversleep.)

(This is no good. I let my guard down too much, even though I was aiming for a perfect attendance reward.)

(I'm the class representative, I need to diligently go to school.)

(Well, even if I attend class, I won't be able to learn anything worthwhile... is something I could conclude, but.)

(It's not pointless. No helping it, I'll get off at the next stop and head back.)

Wataru: Ho~ku. To. Kun♪

Hokuto: ...Ah, President Hibiki, good morning. Why are you also riding this train? Isn't Yumenosaki in the other direction?

Wataru: My, I really can't surprise you at all. I expected it, but it's still disappointing.

Hokuto: My bad. I'm used to seeing bewildering things, so I think I'm a bit desensitised.

Wataru: As expected from a thoroughbred of the acting world. From my point of view, your environment is envious, you know? It must be exciting every day, is it not?

Hokuto: No, it's normal.

Wataru: Right. It would be normal for you, wouldn't it?

Hokuto: What do you mean... Stop pestering me, it's annoying. We shouldn't be whispering on a train.

Wataru: Sob sob. Even though you used to follow me around to the point it was an annoyance when you first joined the club...

Perhaps you've recently lost all interest in me, and become cold.

Fufu. Despite not remembering a single technique no matter how much you're taught, you ask the same thing over and over again without getting discouraged, and so...

I found you to be a pain.

But it feels lonely for you to not ask for my guidance anymore.

Hokuto: Hmph... That's because the more I learn from you, the more I feel the difference in our abilities, and end up at a loss.

I figured I'd grasp the basics first, so I've been studying various things.

Wataru: You truly are good at pretending to work hard. Even though no-one will scold you for not taking it step-by-step, or for skipping the process to reach the conclusion.

You can acquire other skills that way, you know?

Hokuto: Pretending to work hard, huh... I suppose that's how a mediocre person like me looks to you.

Wataru: What are you sulking about? I'm sure you're also a genius of some sort, though I'm unsure in what area.

However, "genius" is a special type of flower whose cultivation methods differ from person to person, so there's a chance it won't sprout through normal means.

Tomatoes and watermelons are similar, but ultimately different; you are a watermelon that wishes to grow like a tomato.

Someday, your stem is going to break with a snap♪

Hokuto: I don't understand what you're talking about.

Wataru: Well, that's fine. This is just idle chit-chat without any real meaning, after all.

Hokuto: Chatting is a waste of time. It'd be better spent reading a book.

Wataru: Books may have truths written in them, but they're never the genuine thing.

In this world, the answers to any question that exists are infinite, or human.

Therefore, you should enjoy the actual process of connecting with people, and repeatedly asking questions.

Hokuto: President. ...I don't really care, but stop pointlessly pulling at my braid.

Wataru: No~ I feel some kind of affinity with it.

Are you copying me? I'm happy if so~ we look just like brothers♪

Hokuto: I don't want a brother like you, I'd end up comparing myself to you and getting an inferiority complex.

...When I first entered the school and said I was going to join the Drama Club, my mother tied it for me.

For some reason or another, I've kept it up. Tying it each and every day is a pain.

Wataru: Aah... it's your mother's work, is it? She's got quite the discerning eye.

Fufu. She once told me something when we were together on stage - that performers and authors are only fully qualified once they have followers.

Hokuto: Followers...?

Wataru: People who mimic your style, and imitate your work.

It's a common occurence for something to become popular, and then have an overflow of similar works trying to recreate that success.

The ones who spring up like that are followers, and only once they're born are you a full-fledged performer...

And I still have none, so I was denounced as being half-baked.

Hokuto: Are you on bad terms with my parents, President Hibiki?

Wataru: I wonder? I took it as a loving pep talk, as all other people did was praise me as a superior genius.

"That's not true," she said, "you're still an inexperienced novice"…

When your mother laughed scornfully at me, I felt like I'd been saved.

[Act 7 • Directory • Chapter 11]

The Witch from Mercury Reaction

Episode 5: “Reflection in an Icy Eye”

In hindsight, I should have probably stopped at the ad break to start because I have so many thoughts to organise. A lesson for next week.

First off, I must shamefully admit that I was disappointed that the “Icy Eye” in the title was referring to Elan and not Miorine. I knew it was going to be one or the other, and I was obviously hoping for the latter. We’ll get an episode focused on her, not next week by the looks of it, but we’ll get it.

I was just thinking a few days ago that I wanted to know more about the duelling records of the other members of the Duelling Club, although I was specifically thinking of Elan. I got the feeling that if any one of them could have beat Guel if they wanted, it would be him. In hindsight, I wish I could have been wrong about that.

It seems its rare for him to accept duels, meaning he doesn’t do it on a whim or some ego trip, they have a purpose like testing his skills or the capabilities of his mech.

I’m coming to the conclusion after this episode that everything about Peil Technologies is downright creepy at best. Even the fact that they have four co-CEOs, how does that even happen? Are they quadruplets or something? At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were clones of the same person.

But the major bombshell is Elan being an artificial human that isn’t even referred to by name by the Co-CEOs. Given the number they refer to him by, he was likely not the first “Elan Ceres”. Considering what they were working on, I wouldn’t be surprised if a few “Elan”s died piloting Gundams, only to be replaced by the next “Elan”.

So now we know why he was interested in the “witch”, Suletta. He thought she could be like him, but he needed to confirm whether the reason she could pilot Aerial and live was the mobile suit or the pilot.

Can I just say, I was cringing at how everyone, mostly the girls, just kind of assumed it was a date. At least Suletta didn’t seem entirely convinced. Hopeful, but not convinced. Probably because Elan is straightforward and says what he means, if it was a date, he would say it is.

Also, I have to ask, why is Chuchu’s response to everything always violence?

Jealous Mio-Mio is jealous. Who is surprised? However, she has every right to be concerned about this not-a-date, and unfortunately her concerns were completely validated.

Now Guel’s reaction is interesting. I don’t think it’s so much jealousy as it is genuine concern for Suletta. He’s spent more time around Elan than the girls have, and even if he doesn’t know anything about him, he probably is very weary of him. Meanwhile, he’s seen first hand what an honest, kind-hearted, but sensitive person Suletta is. He might not know what’s exactly is going on, but his intuition is probably telling him something is very off about this situation.

When Elan was doing his subtle interrogation, there were a few interesting details to note. The most noteworthy for me was how Suletta feels when she pilots Aerial, which is implied to be the opposite of what Elan expected, but something we’ve seen first hand. Suletta feels most at ease while piloting Aerial, there’s no apprehension and certainly no pain, and a huge contrast to how Suletta usually acts outside the cockpit. Which is probably very different to how Elan feels about piloting the Gundams he has. The part about Aerial being family is also a critical point, though one that Elan cannot comprehend since he has no family.

Elan believes he found his answer, and it wasn’t the one he wanted. He wanted Suletta to be just like him, someone who could understand him and hus suffering, but she is not “special” at all. Aerial is the special one. At least, that is his conclusion. Those of us who watched the Prologue know it isn’t that simple. What he knows now is still outweighed by that which he still does not know or understand, some of which was actually hinted at in the answers Suletta gave him.

The first time Suletta gets to see any emotion from Elan and its anger. The idiot bought his own lie, and now he feels betrayed. Well, he’s not the only one there. Suletta thought he was kind, now he’s blowing up on her and tearing at the feelings she shared in confidence and she doesn’t understand why.

And then Guel shows up and shit escalates.

And now Suletta knows how Miorine feels. At least all Suletta wanted when she challenged Guel is an apology, she had no idea that Miorine’s engagement was part of the stakes.

Also, can we talk about how Guel repeated Miorine’s line for the last episode what seems to be word for word. The line about the members of three branches being “the enemy”. And of course, Suletta who is honest to a fault immediately points out that includes Guel himself.

Are my eyes mistaken? Did Chuchu really comment about Miorine being “mean-spirited”? She’s not wrong, but this is Chuchu we’re talking about. The girl who wakes up every morning and chooses violence, calling someone else “mean-spirited”.

So as much as I wanted Guel to win this one, he had no chance in hell. And indeed it seems his recklessness and impulsive did work against him.

Elan’s Gundam has its own drones and it will be interesting to see how they stack up against Aerial’s.

So the end there, Guel’s mech was completely immobilised and Elan could have easily finished it quickly. Instead, he chose to cut the whole thing to pieces, slowly and aggressively. And rather than cleanly cut off the blade antenna, he ripped it out with his mechanical hands. This isn’t the same, cool and collected Elan we’ve saw at the start of the episode, he was aggressive and needlessly violent.

And now he’ll get his duel with Suletta, and he has named his stake. Logically speaking, it makes sense that he and Peil Industries want it to learn its secrets, but I also think a huge part of this is because Elan knows it will break Suletta to lose her family, and he wants to hurt her.

And through all of this nonsense, Miorine is completely ignored even though this affects her. As bad as Suletta felt about Guel and Elan fighting over her, this situation is even worse for Miorine because of how there was zero consideration given to her. Suletta didn’t even tell her she agreed to the duel beforehand, and she is supposed to be the considerate one. Even though I know Suletta’s not going to lose, there’s a good chance this causes a rift between them that they’ll have to fix

As for this upcoming duel, Elan has already made one critical mistake, he’s underestimating Suletta. She might not be an artificial human created specifically to pilot Gundams, but there’s a reason why she’s piloting Aerial and not her mother. It was Suletta who first woke Aerial up and formed a connection with her when her ace pilot of a mother couldn’t. It has nothing to do with what she is and everything to do with who she is. Aerial is special, she’s one of a kind, but no one understands like Suletta does. There is some kind of symbiosis between the two

As for Elan himself, I think his revelation has knocked a few screws loose. Which might be a good thing, he’s more likely to make mistakes if his anger gets the better of him. It’s also possible the pain he feels when he ups the Permet score will make it difficult for him to keep a clear head, which is not a problem Suletta has to worry about.

The only thing I’m wondering right now is what Suletta’s stake will be. Knowing her it will probably be something simple like asking Elan to explain to her how he honestly feels, but that’s just pure speculation on my part. She might surprise me.

No apologies necessary! I don’t always have something to reply, so I didn’t expect you to be on the lookout for a message anyways lol

I’m definitely right with you when it comes to the feelings of disappointment and frustration. This manga introduces a lot of intriguing concepts that I want to see pay off properly, but the longer we’re strung along the less confident I am that those things will be fully explored. Especially when the characters who represent different aspects of these themes disappear for months at a time. Like Shinya who has a defining trait of not getting riled up and acting on his desires. That’s part of the reason I did genuinely want to know your take on Mahiru’s goals bc I think looking at the characters is a good way of analyzing different positions on the spectrum of things. Although bc a lot of characters seem to have contradictory philosophies, even if they can all agree that God’s way is wack, I can’t see them all agreeing on how their world should look. Generally they don’t wanna be controlled and don’t like the current state of things, but if they all band together and succeed in making a change… then what? Do we resurrect ppl willy-nilly without consequence? Is everyone immortal now? Is it wrong to let someone die if you resurrect them after? Basically, a power vacuum and a shit ton of questions emerge once you get rid of the current rules. Even so, I’m still hoping for a satisfying conclusion even though it’s hard to imagine getting one within the next century 😐

True enough I suppose, but I still feel bad.

Exactly! I feel like that feeling of 'will this even get properly explored' is just intensified with how much we jump around. In general, I'd say we always tend to circle back to concepts and plot threads that get mentioned, BUT the roundabout way we often get there can just be frustrating.

Oh, I agree with all of that. Characters are undeniably the strongest point for this series as the plot itself is WACK af and all over the place, but as you say, it can be a bit hard to pin them down when they keep popping in and out of the story and ESPECIALLY when you look at Vampire Reign in its own bubble separate from C@16, whether that be because one hasn't read it or just for analysis sake. Again, a story should be able to stand on its own without side content imo, and it's sometimes crazy to think about how much weaker OnS's story gets without the added context C@16 brings. A talk for another time though. But yes, all their separate goals and viewpoints. I agree with what you're saying. It's why I feel so unsure about how the story is going to go. In concept, everyone teaming up makes sense since that's kinda just a standard trope-y thing, but they have different views on how they want the world to end up like you said. I'd imagine Yu's view would win out since he's the protagonist, but the other main parties' philosophies are strong and have been in the making for long periods of time. They're not just going to toss everything to the wind and join Yu because he says he'll make sure everything works out... or at least they SHOULDN'T if the story is going to be a satisfactory one, and that's what worries me. It's hard to imagine getting a satisfying ending with what we have now. Things will have to develop a lot to get there, which is why your last comment here is so true lol. We have no hints that OnS will be ending any time soon, so there's time, but if we keep wasting chapter space with pointless banter or information that we've already seen multiple times, I'm going to lose it. We're never gonna get there lol. I've said it before, but while I'm usually all for character-building banter and recaps/reminders (when relevant and necessary for the later here), I'm approaching my wit's end when it comes to Kagami wasting chapter space. Maybe "wasting" is harsh, but how many times have we talked like this and had a "another chapter spent not really accomplishing much of anything/moving the story forward :/" conclusion? Too many.

Tangentally related to all this, but since you bring up characters, I have to say, Kagami's use of them can be SO bad at times. Characters just disappear! I get that with how the story is, some characters, Shinya and the rest of Guren squad in particular, won't get as much spotlight, but the amount of times characters inexplicably disappear is noticeably high. I wouldn't say that they're necessarily representative of different aspects of the story, so they're less relevant, but for example, Narumi where are you?? He has to be the most egregious case of this. At least we know where Shinya is right now. How about Lacus who has that whole thing with Yoichi? And with Lacus comes Rene, though he's less significant. Also, while they're not plot-relevant at all as far as I can tell, we also haven't seen the likes of Chess and Horn in FOREVER! It is what it is I guess, but it'd be nice if we had SOME acknowledgment of these disappearances if we really have to have them. Narumi's continued absence being unaddressed entirely continues to be absolutely baffling.

"i can certainly understand why you would think the concept of tons of people knowing your amazon reviews would be embarrassing, but quite frankly, almost all of the topics we discuss here would make us uncomfortable if it was about us."

That is true. But i think there is a difference between discussing things within a circle of people that won't really leave the platform, like the anon discussions on your blog, and people sharing stuff on tiktok to go viral. We know that most things discussed here probably will never reach Evan unless he or his friends chooses to search his hashtag on Tumblr, which i doubt they do. It's different however when there is certain information circulating on every social media platform and private info boiling up to the surface. I think the likelihood of his sister, family friends or Haley seeing it is much bigger and idk... i would feel mortified. I feel like we are too comfortable seeing Evan as a celebrity and expecting him to endure privacy invasions because of that. He is a celebrity but he is a human first of all, who enjoys acting and sadly his profession comes along with being a public figure. However he isn't like most celebrities, he hates the public part of it and he values his privacy very much. He just wants to be a normal guy and is doing everything so he can continue living his life as a normal guy. I'd like to say again that I'm not blaming anybody for posting the information. He should have been more careful in the first place and not share his Spotify name with Frances, but sadly it's too late and he wasn't taking that into account. The thing that gives me the most discomfort is that this information is floating around uncontrollably and will likely find its way to Evan one way or another (if it hasnt already) and i just know it's going to give him the biggest freak out and my heart can't take it.

a couple of things:

1. i’m not really sure what you mean when you say you believe certain things stay within this platform. most people who have tumblr also have other social media, so it stands to reason that things will circulate from time to time. i genuinely wonder how evan or his friends and family would know about anyone discussing his spotify or his amazon profile, or really anything about him without searching for fan discussions. if i asked someone outside of fandom, who never visited any fan pages, about evan peters spotify profile they would be clueless. i think you're viewing this like evan and his social media burner accounts are somehow just outside of the circle of his fandom, and it would be easy for him to accidentally stumble onto this stuff; in reality, if he does not engage, that would be like saying because i have a twitter account i know what happens in pedro pascal's fandom. i have no fucking clue what anyone knows or doesn't know about him because i am not in any way affiliated. unless evan, his friends or his family purposely interact with fandom this information is not on anyone else's radar besides those of us who are super interested in evan peters. but if they seek it out, then it stands to reason that they will see things that are likely to make them uncomfortable. i'm sure it would not be pleasant for anyone near him to view the conversations we have about the domestic violence situation, but that doesn't mean i'm not going to broach that topic. if anything, i do wonder why are you not more bothered by that than evan's amazon reviews? not attacking you, i'm genuinely curious because to me, one is so much more sensitive than the other

2. evan's spotify being discovered precedes frances. i don't place any blame on evan for sharing it with anybody, it's reasonable to share your spotify with friends or family or your girlfriend.

3. i understand and find it respectable how much evan lives his life like a normal dude. however, he is not you or i. we live average, normal lives with jobs that do not make us of interest to the public. no matter how humble, evan’s career as an actor has made him a multi-millionaire and given him the many wonderful life perks that come with that. the downside is that you will not enjoy the privacy that a normie like myself gets. fans finding your amazon reviews might be embarrassing or weird, but i don’t think it should cause any deep emotional turmoil. especially because there is nothing literally tying it to evan, neither is his spotify account. he could easily deny it and just say this is a weird fan theory, because we have no literal proof it’s his.

finally, i totally get that your comments are just coming from a place of concern that evan would be made uncomfortable to see us discussing these things, i am not taking it as a condemnation or you trying to shame folks. and i am not in the business of policing anyone's feelings. if that's what you feel, it's valid. the premise of this blog is, by nature, intrusive. as respectful as we may aim to be, discussing a stranger's personal life is still an intrusion in most peoples' eyes. i am of the opinion that when you become a celebrity, interest in your personal life is a part of the fame package that you do not get to opt out of. there's always positives and negatives in anything you do. i hate getting up early, but my job requires that i am available in the morning most days. i have a fruitful career that affords me financial freedom and a lifestyle i enjoy; so i will get my butt up in the AM despite not enjoying that part, because i feel the good far outweighs the bad. i know there's plenty of aspects to evan's career he probably doesn't love, but the good outweighs the bad for him.

and ultimately.. this is a gossip blog. i have utmost respect for evan and a deep fondness for him as a person and an actor, but at the end of the day, i do not know him personally and i can't really say what he would or wouldn't feel. but i have a feeling he wouldn't love the premise of a gossip blog dedicated to him.

I don't go here but thoughts on Izzy Hands

Okay, first off, it is very funny that you sent me this ask in particular because when I added the tags saying I might end up writing an essay for the right prompt, “Izzy Hands” is one of the prompts I was thinking of. But I think I can do this, I think I can be (kind of) succinct by focusing on the points where I disagree with general fandom. (At time of posting, I'm sitting around like 1000 words so like. Lol. LISTEN this could've been 700 pages long, this is still RELATIVELY short)

I’m going to go ahead and assume you’ve picked up enough through osmosis to recognize the main characters because I have not shut up for multiple months, and neither has a good chunk of this site lol.  So here we go!

I think a lot of the OFMD fandom disagrees on what Izzy’s primary character motivation is -- A lot of people tend to think it’s internalized homophobia and/or toxic masculinity. At this point in my viewing, I personally think it’s neither. I never really thought it was internalized homophobia, and while I still think he has *some* traits that could be tied to toxic masculinity (more on that later), I think he demonstrates a lot less of it than I initially assumed.

So what is Izzy’s main motivation? In my personal opinion, it’s a combination of jealousy and fear. The jealousy, I think, is pretty obvious -- Ed gives affection to Stede that he used to give Izzy, and Izzy obviously wants that back. I talk a bit more about the mutual toxicity of the Ed/Izzy relationship in this post, but I won’t dig into it too much here.

I think a lot of what people view as internalized homophobia also fits into this jealousy category. Izzy is obviously an asshole in a lot of ways that could be read as homophobic -- the “oh daddy” scene where he mocks Lucius and Pete after walking in on them having sex, as well as all the times when he disparagingly refers to Stede as Ed’s “boyfriend.”

And yeah, those moments are dick moves, but I don’t really read them as internalized homophobia -- Rather, I think his anger at Lucius and Pete is because they have an actual relationship, whereas he just has to pine after Ed, who doesn’t see it (see, we’ve spiraled back to jealousy!). And all the “boyfriend” scenes, well… quite frankly that feels more like an angry comment that Stede is Ed’s boyfriend. Not that Ed has one. (I think Izzy would be angry and jealous over pretty much any partner Ed had that wasn’t him, but like… Stede???? He cannot stand Stede). So yeah, I don’t think Izzy is homophobic! I think he’s jealous.

The fear, though, is a bit different. This is the piece of the puzzle that I think people usually wrap up as toxic masculinity, and I see why (I did on first watch!). But I genuinely don’t think that’s what it is. Izzy *is* violent, and he’s very much an asshole -- He puts an awful lot of energy into trying to get people to do what he wants them to do! He’s not good at it, but he certainly pushes far past the point where he should -- He’s the sort of person who tries to get the response he wants through brute force and constant nagging.

So sure, this behavior is bad. But when trying to tie it into toxic masculinity, the question is really, why does Izzy act like this? Toxic masculinity usually corresponds to acting masculine in the way that society expects you to, even if it’s harmful, and honestly? I don’t think Izzy gives a fuck about societal norms. There are plenty of times when he could’ve called out members of the crew for being “weak,” but he never really does.

What I think Izzy does care about is staying alive. And as for how this relates back to Stede -- well, Izzy (and the crew) doing what Stede asks and being less competent is a great way to get killed in the normal pirate world (i.e., the world outside of Stede’s influence). So I don’t think this aspect of Izzy’s character is toxic masculinity -- I think it’s survival instinct.  And that survival instinct is built on his inability to adapt to the situation rather than anything to do with masculinity itself.

Personally, I have a lot more sympathy for Izzy since my first watch -- When you evaluate his actions within the environment before Stede arrived (i.e., the grittier pirate world), the genre swap is absolutely a good chunk of his problem. In Black Sails, he’d be doing *great.* The issue is that the world he was in prior to the show is no longer the world that he’s in, and he can’t adapt to it!

ANYWAY, that’s an overview of my opinions on Izzy. I could also go more into the wealth disparity here (Stede bought the world to play pirate and that was never an option for Izzy), as well as why Steddyhands (Stede/Ed/Izzy) is my current ship of choice for Izzy, but both of those are entirely different posts and this response is already ridiculously long, so I’m ending this here unless people ask lol

Tbh I feel you. I been thinking that it's definitely harder to create a healthy relationship being a lesbian compared to being straight because there's less options. we all want a healthy relationship with a partner who we find attractive and finds us attractive but that's actually so difficult nowadays especially for someone like me who don't fit in society's beauty standards. Main thing is to create a healthy relationship. That's key because ngl I think the toxicity on wlw relationships is higher compared to straight relationships. And idk why

Hey anon :(

I’m so sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment. And I know it might mot mean much coming from me considering all the things I whine about on here, but just know you deserve love and respect in a relationship. If you aren’t getting that you are allowed to walk away. You don’t have to settle for less then the best. You deserve someone who finds your beauty and loves you for it, both inside and out. I know I complain on here all the time about feeling ugly s I know I can’t necessarily take that pain away, it’s something that’s hard to move away from, but just know what’s considered conveniently attractive changes all the time. Not to mention what someone considers attractive could be different then what you do. I just know with my whole heart there are women out there that will look at you think “oh my god I’m weak, you are gorgeous and taking my breath away. You are everything I’ve fantasised about”. And waiting can be hard , believe me I know waiting can be so painful, especially when you feel like you are running out of time or you just need to take what’s given because you are scared of missing out. But those women who will love you and adore you and see all your beauty are out there. And you deserve them. And they will be so lucky to have you. I believe in you anon, so just hang on. I’m sending you lots of love💕💕💕

As for the toxicity comment I think I’m a bit too out of the loop to really know , I’m sorry. I know there are societal conventions I see between men and women that are dating that confuse me and or make me uncomfortable, so I feel glad I don’t have to deal with them. But I’ve never dated a man before so I don’t know what it’s like. And my only proper relationship with a woman was so short lived that we didn’t really go through any relationship issues. So I don’t really know which one would be more so. But what I do know is being LGBT can be a very traumatic thing and trauma can really affect the way our brain reacts to things. I also know especially for people on my age range (which I’m going to assume you are apart of lol) there are so many influential online and irl subgroups and cultures for lgbt people all trying to tell them what’s the correct way to date women or who is allowed to do what or how you should aim for certain things. There are stereotypes that have a similar impact. So when your guide book on how to do something is either based around stereotypes or groups of people all acting like they know best on how to be gay when they themselves are just young 20/30 year olds, things can get a bit messy. It impacts your own experiences and expectations as well as the women you could potentially be dating. Straight people have this too, just on a larger scale. Because at the end of the day we are just people and people tend to do things like that lol. But I think when you are in such a small community that’s already so divided and hostile it can make navigating that toxicity even harder. Because sometimes it feels like no one has the answer. And I know I probably don’t either. But I do know you deserve love, you deserve compassion, you deserve empathy and that there ARE women out there who can give that to you. I’m genuinely so sorry if you’ve had toxic experiences in the past , I really am, and I wish you all the best with healing from them - but there is still good out there, even if it doesn’t feel like it I can promise you there is, and you deserve to find it. And I really believe you will anon!! You seem to have such a lovely soul and I know someone will really appreciate that one day. But until then, I hope you can love and appreciate that part of yourself ☺️💕💕

I hope you have a really wonderful and beautiful day 💖💖🌸

Turning Tables: Origins (Part 6 - ”Couldn’t. Past tense.”)

Summary: The heroes of Paris have faced many twists and turns in their lives. Navigating being heroes, their feelings for each other, breaking free, and all of the things that life piles on them over time. Things don’t turn out how they would have expected. Feelings can be complicated and parents can be cruel. Life has a way of turning the tables, but sometimes the scariest and most unexpected turns are actually for the better. Many of these twists began after Chat Noir and Scarabella fought Hack-San, which led to Ladybug having a very important conversation with her partner. ////////////////////// Part 1/Master List | Prev | Next Rated: T Read on Ao3 | Wattpad ///////////////////// Adrien stared at her with wide eyes. “I said it, okay? Do I really have to say it again?” Marinette hid her face in her hands. “Me? I’m Buttercup? Seriously?!” He pouted. “So, all this time…” “I’ve been turning you down because I was in love with another boy.” Marinette looked back at him. “Who was YOU.” “Wow.” Adrien glanced behind her. She’d removed some pictures before he came over, but he’d seen her walls before. “So, I’m guessing the photos of me on your walls weren’t just for fashion purposes?” “Oh my gosh. Shut up!” She glared at him.

“I’m just teasing you!” He laughed. “To be fair, I have definitely pretended our action figures have kissed on more than one occasion and I’m constantly checking the Ladyblog for new pictures of you.” “What a dork!” She said. The reality was she was jealous of the way he openly confessed to her while she could never manage to do the same to him. “But I can't say I’m surprised. At least you were honest with me about your feelings. I can’t even talk to you.” “I’m sorry I made you nervous.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean to, Marinette.” “Seriously?! It wasn’t your fault. I just got really into my own head about the whole thing.” She groaned. “Alya was right. I've been overdoing things to compensate for not telling you!” “What do you mean overdoing things?” “Just overcomplicated plans to try to confess to you and…” Marinette let out a nervous laugh. “You know what, we don't have to dive into all of that right now. Do we?” Adrien lifted an eyebrow and shared a look with Plagg. “Um. I guess not? But that’s why you acted so different around me? Am I really that intimidating? You should know you can always talk to me about things Marinette. Even when I didn’t know you were Ladybug, I’ve always wanted to be a good friend to you.” Hearing the hint of sadness in his voice hurt her. They could have been closer friends a long time ago if her heart hadn’t caused her mind to spiral into chaos every time he was around. “I was so stupid. I’m sorry. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s just sometimes my mind goes into these negative spirals or overcomplicates simple things.” She grabbed a pillow and contemplated screaming into it.  “All I had to do was talk to you. Even if you weren’t interested in me in that way, we could have just been past that. We could have been better friends. I don’t know what I was thinking. I realize you wouldn’t have been cruel to me if I confessed and you weren’t interested in me that way. I just let myself get so nervous and kept thinking of how everything could go wrong. Ugh.” “You tend to shy away from simple solutions in the spots as well, m’lady.” He smiled at her. “Isn’t it strange that you’re usually the one to pull me out of those moments when I panic? I mean, as Chat Noir.” She traced her hands along the seams of the pillow. “Yet, I was panicking over you? I even asked you to help me with your confession to you?! This is mortifying!” “To be fair, that overcomplicated thinking has been a positive thing for you as a hero on multiple occasions. It helps you understand your Lucky Charm. It has it’s pros and cons, but it's definitely not entirely a bad thing. As far as the confession, it was really beautiful.” Adrien said sincerely. “I mean, the genuine one not the whole ‘two suns’ thing. That one was a little over complicated.” “Shut up!” Marinette threw the pillow at him. To her annoyance, he just caught it midair. “I wanted it to be good and I wanted to practice, since I can’t even really TALK to you!” He laughed at her and she scowled at him in confusion. “Couldn’t.” He said simply. “What?” “Couldn’t. Past tense.” He shot her a wide grin and chuckled. “You are absolutely not allowed to say you can’t talk to me. What exactly is it you think we’re doing right now?” Marinette gasped. Tikki looked at her holder fondly. “He makes a good point.” “I can talk to you!” She made her way down from the loft to stand in front of him. “I’m not even tripping over my words! You mean to tell me we could have just had regular conversations this whole time!?” “I guess?” Adrien tilted his head and shrugged. “I’m honestly just glad you don’t hate me. I used to wonder sometimes.” “I definitely don’t hate you and I’m sorry the way I acted ever made you think that might be the case.” “We could both apologize all day.” Adrien realized. “Our situation wasn’t one we chose and It made everything too complicated.” “Are you two going to kiss?” Roarr asked suddenly, reminding the duo of the other kwamis in the room. “WOAH!” Marinette jumped back to give Adrien more space.  “Roarr! You can’t just say stuff like that! What if he finds me super unattractive now that he knows who I am and I was too much of a coward to even confess to him and—“ “Stop!” Adrien’s voice cut her off. “I do NOT think less of you, Marinette. I want to make that crystal clear. I’ve had a crush on you as Ladybug for a long time, that is true. But I’ve admired Marinette you for just as long. You are so creative and amazing. My feelings are complicated right now, but you are beautiful and an incredible person. We have a lot to sort out. Heck, if a relationship like that is something you’d like to try I wouldn’t be opposed to it. If that’s something you’d even want. I mean, I know Chat Noir isn’t exactly your type.” “My gosh, we are so annoying.” Marinette huffed. “Huh?” “You being Chat Noir doesn’t make me want to date you any less, silly cat! Well, aside from the whole possibility of Chat Blanc happening.” She cringed for bringing it back up. “Outside of that I just know the person I was crushing on also happens to be my incredible partner. You’re already one of my best friends. Of course I'm still willing to try but—” Suddenly she paced back and forth. “But what if we date and we break up dramatically and hate each other and that’s what caused Chat Blanc!” “You’re going to call me reckless for what I’m about to say.” “And what is that exactly?” “Honestly, this whole Chat Blanc thing makes me want to try the dating thing even more.” “You’re right.” She gave him a deadpan stare. “That does sound reckless.” “I’m serious. I don’t want our lives to be dictated by Shadowmoth and fear of what he might do.  If we want to date, we should date. Not be so afraid of what might happen that we never know how it would have worked out. I mean what I said earlier. I don’t think Chat Blanc gave you the whole story, I don't think he could. You admitted there must have been more.” Adrien folded his arms in front of him. “And now that I know Chat Blanc is a possibility I know that I have to be more aware of things that could cause me to be akumatized. But after all that we’ve been through together, I have enough faith in us to believe even if we argue, even if we breakup, that we will still be friends when all is said and done.” Marinette turned her back to him and looked at Tikki with tearful eyes. “He’s right isn’t he? We can get through anything together? If it doesn’t work out it won’t be the end of the world right?” “You are two of the best holders we’ve ever had.” Tikki replied. “That timeline happened back when Shadowmoth was still Hawkmoth. Obviously, a lot of things are different now. You are both stronger. You know each other’s identites. You know the stakes if you let Shadowmoth get to you." “You’ve also learned the importance of actually talking to each other!” Plagg sneered. “Plagg!” Adrien scolded the kwami. “It was a compliment!” Plagg rolled his eyes. “Was the ‘actually’ part really necessary?” The blonde sighed. “Adrien, it's okay. I don’t blame him.” Marinette turned back around and reached out to scratch between Plagg’s ears. “He cares a lot about you. I’m glad you two have each other. But obviously I’ve learned my lesson or we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Now would we?” “It’s some good progress, Pigtails.” Plagg smiled at her. “Tikki is right. Don’t get too mushy about it but I think you two are suited to handle just about anything together.” “Aww, he can be sweet when he wants to be.” Tikki hugged him. “Yeah, yeah.” Plagg reluctantly accepted the hug. “Well, I refuse to let Shadowmoth, or the fear of what he might do, control my life. We should be able to date if we want to or be friends or whatever life has for us without worrying about what he’s going to do. If we let him stop us from living our lives, that sounds like a win for him and a loss for us. My life is controlled enough as it is. I don’t want that from my father AND a supervillain. I don't think it’s reckless for us to try to live our lives or for us to make our own choices. Whatever happens we can handle it together. It’s you and me against the world right?” Adrien paused. “But what do you think?” Neither of them noticed the knock at the trap door. Neither of them realized that the kwamis had suddenly dropped to the floor and froze like Andy’s toys in Toy Story. “You know what?” Marinette poked her finger at Adrien’s chest. “You’re right. I’m not going to live in fear. Adrien Agreste, I think you should be my boyfriend.” “Well, I think that sounds like a great idea.” Adrien smiled determinedly. A gasp from the now open trap door brought their attention away from each other. They turned to the noise, both of them blushing as they realized that they’d just become a couple and someone else was there to witness it.

uncharted waters; for harusoie 300 days

[ 05.11.22 ♡ late post ] 

Two hearts, from two different worlds, meet and collide.

ACT I

Genta knows he shouldn't be greedy. After all, he already has everything he needs. A big family who loves him for who he really is; a childhood best friend he could, and he would, trust his entire life with; and an honored kingdom he has pledged eternal loyalty to till his final breath. The path to his future lies right before his eyes. It's the path everyone around him expects him to pursue. It's the path he himself originally chose to take, but no longer wanted to tread. "I want to be beautiful." Genta flinches and reflexively retracts his hand to seal his own lips in apparent haste. Being unable to filter his own thoughts mixed with a flurry of emotions like he usually does, indeed pisses the hell out of him. He desperately wanted to take that sentence back. But upon looking up, the faint glow of the moon's rays traveling in mini ripples across the depths of the ocean, he knew there ain't no way such an insincere wish will ever come true. The mermaid returns his disgruntled gaze to the sodden piece of thick paper in between his fingers. A human.

He mentally repeats the word over, and over, and over, and over. His thumb gently tracing the image of a distinctive figure that only humans possess. Genta shakes his head, somewhat hopeful that he could perhaps awaken from this unpleasant reverie. He doesn't.

The human imprinted onto the paperーa photoーGenta's captivated. They had a genuine smile on their face, as they held their posture in a way the mermaid never dared imagine possible. "Wow...” If he's being honest, he wants to do that too. If he's being completely honest, he wants to be like them, too. "A-Anyway, I wonder what their name is..." Genta mentally wonders. "Are they fond of the ocean? Would...would we ever get along if we meet each other someday...?" Several dozens more of questions popped into the mermaid's head simultaneously one after another. And he knows that, as utterly absurd as it sounds, there is only one way to answer quite his peculiar set of queries. "...No." The mermaid steals one last glimpse of the photo he denies having cherished even more than his beloved kingdom for the briefest of moments; before mercilessly tearing it into shreds. Through gritted teeth, Genta vows to never again let his heart be so easily swayed by the bittersweet fantasies his mind conjures up to make himself feel at least a little better about the kind of circumstances he was fatefully born into. Until, that very choice led to his doom.

His mates often caught him sneaking out right after class ends, just to take 'a quick peek' at the surface of the water for 'no particular reason'. He got called out for it by his mom too when she heard about the rumors. "I-It ain't true, Ma! I was only checkin' somethin' out, I swear!" But no one believed him. Genta promised to ignore his greed and just live the life already planned out for him. It's a hundred and twenty percent safer that way and he's totally aware of that. But the more he lies, the more he tries to make a fool out of himself, the stronger his desire becomes, the harder it is to fight his greed.  And that's when he snapped. The very people he once called his beloved family, his most trusted friends, and the kingdom he was supposed to serve all turned their backs on him for being the 'ungrateful siren who knows nothing about contentment'. "Tell me," the mermaid pleads, both hands clasped tightly before his chest, "how can I be a human?" A forbidden being, a familiar octopus any sane person would immediately recognize and avoid as fast as possible, raises an intrigued brow. "And why should I do that?" The water around this area feels a tad bit too dark, utterly heavy and suspiciously eerie, even. Goosebumps begin to cover both of Genta's arms, as a sharp chill zooms down the middle of his back. He was always reminded to never go anywhere near here, as a child. He obediently, blindly obeyed that warning, of course. But alas. A decision for life or death has been made. The order of things shall be made different, tonight. Ignoring the uneasiness rising from the pit of his stomach, Genta clenches his fists; perhaps to make himself remember the lengths he said he was willing to take in order to finally satiate his selfishness. With a sigh as deep as his resentment, he continues. "Please. I need to get outta here. Who knows what they'll do to a traitor like me, so please! Please, I need yer help..." "Well." A tentacle reaches out to touch his chin and his body trembles upon the sudden contact. "I do know of a way to turn you into one but need I tell you that what you're asking for comes with a certain priー"  "ANYTHING!" Genta shrieks, eyes welling up in desperation, "Anything, I'll give you anything, you can do whatever you want after this, just please turn me into a human!" The octopus creature smirks triumphantly; as if they had won the biggest, grandest lottery of a lifetime. "Then your wish, is my command." And with a mere snap of their fingers, Genta blacks out.

ACT II Genta dreams of being pulled ashore. Which he finds completely odd. He knows how to swim, he has a pretty tail, he can even breathe underwater because he's an actual living mermaid for crying out loud; so just why in the world is he being dragged out of the ocean? The answer to that is beyond him. "Hey... Hey!" Oh, he stops. His position shifts too, so now he's lying on his back. Weird, though. He can't feel the lower half of his body. "Hey, wake up. Wake up! Can you hear me? Are you okay?!" Too many questions. Genta mentally frowns. He very slowly pries his eyes open, forcing himself to awaken from his slumber, and the bright, blinding rays of the scorching sun greets him in an instant. "Ow..." "He's awake!" a voice exclaims, "He's awake! Thank God, I knew you would make it!" Genta tries to sit up but the pounding in his head betrays him immediately. "Ah!" "Careful!" whoever is the owner of the voice catches him right before he falls back into the water again. Good save. But their brief happiness ends there. "Sthop. Humgging. Mwe." Genta sternly instructs. "Hm? Are you saying something?" Spitting out whatever was in his mouth, firstーhe refused to know all the details about itーwith a more modulated voice, and more force this time, he reiterates, "I said. Stop. HUGGIN' ME!" Genta shoves the person, the human away from him as hard as he can and they, in turn, tumble back face-first into the ocean. That moment's also when his ear-piercing scream shook the entirety of the coastline area they're currently at. "GEEZ, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?" the person, the human lets out a complain equally loud and startled as he is. "YOUー" Genta points an accusing finger at them; his round, lilac eyes could almost already pass as two, three hundred and sixty degree spheres encased in his sockets. "WHAT DID YA DO!?" "Excuse me?!" the person, the human shouts at him again in reply, "that should be my line!"  A handful of tourists enjoying their time at the beach literally had to stop and stare towards their direction out of either confusion or curiosity. But with such a heated commotion taking place, they were going to need more than just an audience to cool things down. And it was only when the assigned lifeguard that day approached them to 'Keep it down a bit!' did they indeed shut up at long last. Cheers to the authority of direct intervention. "Hmph!" The two culprits tore their glares away at the same time; so they're now facing two opposite sides while sitting right next to each other. "Geez, just how ungrateful can you be?" Genta's companion whines, "I literally saved your life!" "Hah?" he rebukes, "Whaddya mean, 'save my life' crap? It ain't even like I was drownin' or somー" "That's precisely what was happening, Mister." He froze. "...Hah?" "You were drowning! In the middle of the ocean! If the lifeguard had not seen your unconscious body just floating around two seconds earlier we wouldn't be arguing like this right now!" Genta couldn't believe a single thing he's perceiving today. First, feet. He has too feet. Instead of two fins protruding at the end of his tail, he sees two feet. Attached to his legs, attached to his hips. And he's wiggling them, feeling them, trying them out as you read this particular sentence. Second, he was... drowning? So what he first saw that seemed like nothing but a simple dream, was actually the real deal. He was so close to death. No wonder it all appeared very wrong to him. He then made a cognitive promise to himself to be more careful next time. Especially now. Now that he's also a human. Genta clears his throat. Nothing much has changed, he concludes. The most notable one is his missing tail though, and he's still quite unused to not having it but then again this was what he signed up for. He has reached the point of no return. He's a human now, and not anymore some ugly siren his fellowmen despised and looked down on so much. He was reborn anew. This is his special chance for a new life; a fresh start. A satisfied chuckle then escaped through his slightly parted lips once the realization dawned on him. "...Why are you smiling all of a sudden?" "Hah? Was I?" "Yeah." "Oh, sorry. T'was nothin'." An awkward silence. Genta should think and act quick. He must not let any human (and technically any mermaid, too) soul know that he isn't, in fact, born human. So if his memory serves him right, and proper manners in his realm don't differ much from those of this realm, then the next, most polite thing to do is... "Sorry about earlier." Oh. A simultaneous apology from both parties. His companion's eyes grow wide, apparently astonished. And so does he. "Nah, I mean it. I'm really sorry. And, well... "Thanks. For savin' me." Genta feels (un)surprisingly light after that. He steals a subtle glance to his side but unfortunately he is unable to decipher why his companion's cheeks have a pale pink shade to them. Or perhaps he just didn't want to jinx himself and risk hearing that the reason doesn't actually have anything to do with him. He held his tongue from saying that out loud, though.  "O-Of course!" they stammered. "Just gotta do what you gotta do, right?" Genta nods in agreement. "Yeah, yer right." Another glimpse of his yields another small smile from them as a result. Genta's getting the hang of this; he starts to wonder how much more he'll grow as a person, as himself in this world. It fires him up and excites him for plenty new reasons. Ah, but then again he must not forget the most important detail. "What's yer name?" he finally asks and earns a light chuckle for another blunt attempt at trying to keep the conversation alive. Efforts are highly appreciated, nonetheless. "Soie." they replied, after a short pause. "You? Oh." They stop for a while, upon catching sight of Genta's little struggle which made them laugh at how silly he looks. "So... Sho... Soeー" "Sow-whee." "Sow-whee." "Perfect!" they cheer, "and you, sir? I believe I deserve to know yours as a reward for my courage today." "Ya sure talk a lot." He's one to speak. "Not like I mind though, but anyway," Genta takes a deep breath. One, massive hurdle is blocking his way and it takes literally every ounce of him to grab onto its handle, hurl himself over it, and land safely to the other side. "Haruto," he says, whilst recalling the meaning of the beautiful name he admires so much, in his head, "call me Haruto."  If he can get past some stupid hurdle, surely, he too can live in a world he was never supposed to learn about, yearn for, and step foot in, yes?

To be continued...

It Changes, like Water (CH. 3)

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Summary: Akari has just met Gaeric for the first time and is still a little rattled by the experience. Ingo tries to reassure her by telling her a story.

Content Warning: Blood, bodily injury, and wild animal attack

Notes: I've made this in honor of Monsoon-of-Art and their PLA mer au (and just a touch from a different au where Gaeric acts as Irida's guardian). Many of the scenes in this fic are directly inspired by their work, there mer stuff more specifically. I've been a big fan of them since I started playing PLA and I've only grown to love all their characterizations of some of my favorite characters in all of Pokemon.

Just before we get into the swing of things, I should mention that much of this story is based off my understanding of the coastal waters of western Canada and Alaska. That's why you'll see mention of char and lamprey, you can find both in that region. While not entirely faithful to the actual location of the Hisui region, I thought it was a nice balance of environments from the Arctic Ocean to around Washington state in the US.

This is also where I first mention the Nobles and you'll see I do not change their names in the coming chapters. I thought it would prove to be a little confusing if I called them by the animals they're based off in Mons mer au (this will be more clear in the next chapter). I'm treating the names (Lord Avalugg, Lady Lilligant, etc.) like they're genuine titles, like the Duke of York. There were many Dukes of York, but they all went by the same title. Sorry if it seems confusing.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! Don't like to read on Tumblr? Read it here on AO3.

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As the autumnal equinox approached, Gaeric spent many hours teaching Irida how to defend herself when she was in the water. The girl was still far too scrawny for her age, but that began to change with the migration patterns. The clan began to prosper again, which meant that Irida was expected to see the elders more regularly and start learning about her duties to her clan. However, it was abundantly clear that she had gained… certain undesirable traits from her pseudo-guardian. She frequently mimicked his irritable attitude and sever distaste for Diamond Clan. She never made it to her lessons because she was usually asleep during the day, just like Gaeric. Irida was not interested in her position, she wanted to continue her life as it was. She had grown to see Gaeric as an older brother and, like any younger sibling would, she would mimic his every move.

This worried the elders and the rest of the clan. Palina, the only other person who Irida found even the remotest of kinships with, did her best to influence her – but that influence only went so far. Gaeric carried on exactly as he was, the protest of the elders falling on mostly deaf ears as a sort of retribution for allowing his mother’s death to be a passing footnote in the clan’s history. They had told him to watch over Irida, that was his only instruction, and that was exactly what he was doing. He was a brash, angry, and mourning teenager who was forced into a position of guardianship, and nobody seemed to want to understand that from his perspective. He couldn’t have predicted how Irida would latch on to him and he to her – although he would never admit that- and now they were asking him to just let her go?

“What are we looking for today?”

“Char. Its mating season for them, so we’re headed inland today. Watch yourself. There’ll be a lot of predators. If we’re lucky, we’ll get a good haul.”

The warning was not without merit. Gaeric remembered his mother warning him about the same thing. Although her primary concern had been bears, there was the off chance of sharks. He was collecting various equipment - a few spears and a make-shift trident he fashioned for the less dexterous Irida, and a few nets for their haul. After such a lean winter, a haul of fatty salmon just sounded divine, and he had hopes that this would somewhat get the elders, and the likes of Palina, off his back.

“Where are you two headed?”

Speak of the devil. Gaeric pointedly kept on task, but Irida was gleefully explaining their plans to her other sibling figure, even if she was being scolded for missing another lesson in favor of this trip. The girl puffed up and said that the lessons she learned were boring when she could be going out to explore their territory and learning how to hunt and provide for her fellow clan members. That made a smug grin appear on his face, even if he kept his head low to conceal it. He could imagine Palina rolling her eyes in agitation as she gently, but firmly tried to reiterate the importance of the elders’ teachings.

“Gaeric can teach you about hunting and gathering, but they can teach you about our history and about the importance of our nobles. Your father told you about the nobles, right?”

With lightning like reflexes rarely seen on land, Gaeric had whipped around and had slammed his hands down on either side of Irida, leaning closer to Palina with a snarl. The intimidation did not fail and actually made her lose her balance and topple backwards, blinking up in astonishment as Gaeric huffed down at her.

The topic did not come up often but mention of her parents made her deeply upset. Irida was pressed up against him, motionless but at least not crying. He still wasn’t sure how to deal with crying after all this time. It was like she was still thinking about what Palina had said when she responded.

“Yes…”

“W-Well, you should go see the elders. They could teach you a lot more about-”

Palina glanced up at Gaeric looming over her, his stance protective behind the small girl.

“They could certainly teach you a lot more about that.”

The smallest mer did not reply, but she removed herself from the conversation by crossing the cavern and sliding through the hole into the sea. Now that the initial shock had worn off, Palina was upright and shoving Gaeric back with just as much ferocity as he had displayed. He looked remarkably unfazed and went back to packing his stuff up for their hunt as Palina berated him.

“Don’t you ever lunge at me like that again!”

She hissed, baring her teeth which almost made him roll his eyes.

“Why do you suddenly think you know what’s best for her, Gaeric? The elder are worried that she’s not going to want to take up the mantle because of what you’ve been teaching her.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe they should have reconsidered that earlier.”

He could hear the stress in her voice, obviously someone had been putting a lot of pressure on her to try to win Irida over. Since either he or Irida herself stymied her every time, it was clear Palina was on the receiving end of some backlash. While he could understand her position, he didn’t feel wholly sympathetic. He hadn’t been asked, he was simply told to watch over Irida, and he had done as he was told. Now everyone wanted to have a problem with it. A year and a half of raising her like she was his kid sister and now the elders wanted to scoop her up to start training her? Talk about being late to the game.

“She’s going to be our leader – she has to learn about our traditions and teachings at some point. You can’t shelter her forever.”

Just under his skin, his blood was boiling but he just focused on what he was doing. Palina was just in a bad mood, letting off steam at him because he was somewhat the source, but not exactly the pressure. He was leaving soon anyway; no point being held up by an argument where there would be no victor.

“The rivers are dangerous this time of year and you know it. What are you going to gain from bringing her with you? Valuable experience from being in life threatening situations?”

“Hey!”

He barked, jerking around and narrowing his eyes at her.

“I was also going to take her to some of the shrines. Cut me a little slack here Lina, I’m not total moron!”

She stared back at him, completely incredulous, as if asking herself how this little detour would solve any of the issues facing their young clan leader. She turned away and started making her way back out of his cavern with a derisive snort.

“Whatever Gaeric, but if there’s a single hair on her head missing, I swear to Sinnoh above, I’ll leave nothing left of you but catfish food.”

This only earned her a scoff. The bag securely in place, Gaeric clambered through the hole and into the water. A short distance away, Irida was chasing after some fish, but it was like she had no real interest in it. Something in her movements seemed sluggish and preoccupied. The contents of her thoughts were not too hard to figure out. He didn’t say a word. Irida saw him coming her and stopped, Gaeric placed a hand to her back and steered her in the right direction.

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