“ dopamine detox ,, and why you should delete all your social media right now

"just five more minutes" and then you end up scrolling on instagram or tiktok for hours. i know that feeling. even if you know rationally that focusing on the really important things ( such as studying, working, learning from books or whatever ) is much healthier for you and your future, you can't help it.

you know that start studying for the exam you have next week will benefit you much more in the long run, but you still prefer watching tiktoks and scrolling on instagram. you could say that is pretty obvious: one activity is easy, and doesn't require much effort, whereas the other one is difficult and implies that you are focused.

but it's actually like this? so then why some people manage to be consistent in studying, or working, or exercising? they simply just have more motivation than you? and how can you start having the same motivation as them?

to answer this question, we have to take a look to a very important molecule produced by our brain: dopamine.

dopamine is often considered a pleasure molecule, but it's a false belief. dopamine is actually the molecule that makes us desire things, and it's that desire that gives us the motivation to complete every kind of task. for example, your brain doesn't release dopamine while you're eating a cheesburger, it releases it while you're going to mcdonald's to buy it, because you anticipate that the food will make you feel good, even if it actually makes you feel worse.

to your brain, it doesn't matter if the high-dopamine-activity is damaging to you.

your brain organizes priorities based off how much dopamine is expecting to get:

if an activity releases too little dopamine, you won't have the motivation to accomplish it.

if an activity releases a lot of dopamine you'll be motivated to do it, and repeat it over and over

so, which activities releases dopamine? basically, any activity where you can get an immediate potential reward releases an high amount of dopamine. but if you know that there's not an immediate reward invoved ( such as in studying, where the reward is in the long run ) your brain will not expect to release much of it and you'll be less motivated to do that task.

nearly everything releases some amount of dopamine, even drinking water when you're thirsty, but the highest amount of it is released when you're getting a reward randomly, for example while playing on a slot machine. even if you loose money, you eventually expect to get a bigger reward.

therefore it is not so surprising that the most additive social networks ( tiktok, instagram, pinterest ) are designed as slot machines. you don't know what the next post or video will be, but you expect something great, so your brain releases a large amount of dopamine.

in today's society our brains are overloaded with stimuli that induce an unnatural production of dopamine ( scrolling on social media, playing video games, watching internet pornograhy, etc. ).

it's frightening that people don't know how harmful this lifestyle is: our bodies have a biological sistem called homeostasis, which means that our bodies keep the internal physical and chemical conditions at a balanced level, whenever an imbalance occurs, our bodies adapt to it, for example, when it's very hot our body temperature rises and we start sweating to cool down.

but homeostasis manifests through tolerance too. for example, someone who hardly ever drinks alchool will be tipsy after one beer, on the other hand, someone who drinks alchool on a regular basis will need two, three, four beers in order to get drunk, because their body has developed a tolerance to it. it's not much different with dopamine.

so if you get used to large amounts of dopamine, you won't be able to do the things that you did before, because they don't produce as much dopamine and it's more difficult to motivate yourself to do them. once your dopamine tolerance gets too high, you are no longer able to enjoy low dopamine activities.

as if you were a drug addict, there's only one way to get out of it: you have to perform a dopamine detox. you have to avoid all high dopamine activities in order to allow your body to adjust to a normal level of dopamine production and start finding motivation again in the things that improve your personal growth.

it's not easy, you will be nervous and frustrated, maybe you won't make it through a full day without social media, but day by day it will get better and better, and eventually you'll be able to appreciate small things again.

imagine that you're eating your favorite food - for example, chocolate cake - every single day. after a while, chocolate cake doesn't taste good as before, even if it's literally the same cake. on the other hand, if you eat it once a month, it will taste great, because it's not something you've gotten used to.

this is exactly what dopamine detox does. be safe guys, and start recovering now.

[ source: https://youtu.be/9QiE-M1LrZk ]

I've been in multiple tumblr fandoms over the years and the same shit comes up over and over again wrt arguments about how we all engage with our chosen media on here, so here are a few things to keep in mind that have helped me along the way:

Not everyone is going to engage in the same way as you, and that's good, actually. Some people are purely here to gush over the things they like. Some people are here to do deep analytical breakdowns which will include criticism. Some people are cheerleaders. Some people are haters. A lot of people are a mix of both depending on what they're talking about on any given day. It's all good and valid, and it's what gives this space variety, allows us to learn from each other, and keeps it interesting.

The filter, unfollow, and block functions are your friend. If you love a mutual but hate the volume or the way they talk about a certain thing, just add it to your filtered tags (relatedly: tag your shit so people can filter you when needed!). If you consistently don't vibe with the way a person chooses to engage on here, just unfollow them. If you find them actively offensive or detrimental to your mental health, hit that block button, baby. We are all anonymous internet strangers and no one will die.

Someone expressing a different opinion from yours is not a personal attack on you. If someone hates a thing you like, they are not calling you stupid for liking it. If they love a thing you hate, there's nothing wrong with them, they are just taking something different from it than you are. That shit is all about you and your own insecurities, don't try to put it on them.

Vague posting is rude. If you want to directly respond to something someone said to get better clarity about what they meant, reply to their post or shoot them an ask or DM and talk to them about it. If you simply want to express a counterpoint without directly engaging them, just post your own take without vaguely alluding to them and building what is almost certainly a strawman of their original point. People you're vaguing can see you on here, folks. Don't be a dick.

Credit and reblog other people's ideas when you are building on them, and be kind to the creators who provide the artwork that make this place so special and unique. Reblogging is the lifeblood of this website. It's the only way people get to see content that is by anyone they don't follow, and the gifmakers on here in particular put in so much time and effort to give us beautiful images--share their work and tell them you appreciate it! You also don't have to agree with every single word of a meta post to reblog it (why would you expect to, it comes from a different brain than yours), and you absolutely should be crediting people and sharing their words when they sparked something that inspired your own thoughts. This is just being a good community member.

Embrace the difference between meta and fanwanking. Meta writing is analysis of the actual media content as it is presented, with arguments based in the canon text. Fanwanking is doing your own work to fill in gaps or create headcanons to supplement the canon text. Some people prefer content that leaves a lot of gaps because they love to creatively fanwank; some people prefer to be told complete stories without having to do all that extra work to make them make sense. These are both very cool and fun ways to engage, but when you're fanwanking be aware that those ideas are all coming from you, not the actual media being discussed, so others might not vibe with your interpretation.

When posting your own opinions, try to be clear about where you're coming from and why. If you have a personal experience or bias that is affecting your read, own it. If you're looking at a piece of media from a specific angle related to your own interests and learning, say that. It helps other people to know where you're coming from and why you're thinking about something in a certain way that can then help them puzzle out why they feel differently.

You don't owe anyone your presence here, and you don't have to express opinions on everything or respond to tags or asks if you don't have anything to say. Sometimes you might just want to take a break from posting, some things in the discourse might just flow right on by you, sometimes you will not have a firm opinion on a debate. You can post as much or as little as you want. You can suddenly decide you don't want to talk about a show anymore. You can not log into your tumblr for days or weeks at a time. Do you, boo!

Most people come to tumblr because they do want to engage with others, and this place can be a lot of fun if you just take what you need from it and let things that aren't serving you go.

Lessons of Saturn in Romance?

I have seen in life of Leo risings (Aquarius in 7th house), Saturn placed in or aspecting 7th house, Saturn in angular houses (1/4/7/10), even Saturn in 5th house (aspects 7th house in vedic) that there is a strange thing that happens. Contrary to the idea of romance that it has to be love and display of emotions, these natives are living a relationship of responsibilities, duties, transactions, hard work. Their relationship is not unconditional, that you are "loved" because you are so cute and pretty and creative and funny; you are "loved" because of your usefulness, reliability and capacity to work hard.

A native I know who went into marriage hoping for dinner dates, singing, dancing, romantic evenings, luxury and aesthetics; but instead their marriage is all about work, work, work. Life keeps throwing challenges at the couple in one way or the other. "I have never relaxed in this marriage, there is always something happening" - the native said to me. I notice native watching movies and listening to romantic song, perhaps daydreaming how an alternate reality would be like, one where things were easy and they did not have to work so hard to keep the relationship going.

A native I know who lived in a lot of imaginations of marriage had to learn the hard way that marriage is not about looking pretty and doing romance, it is rather about you being helpful and useful to your partner, learning things to keep your brain sharp, putting intellectual effort into marriage. Intellectual effort is not easy, it is too hard work to read and learn and understand. Their relationship will only work if the native puts mental and intellectual hard work and also be disciplined because you cannot read and learn at your leisure.

What I mean to say is that some natives have it easier where they get married and travel, hang out, post pics on social media, chat with each other and they do not really challenge each other or put too much effort into relationship. After wedding, they set into their roles and adjust to it, it is a kind of leisurely marriage. On the other hand, Saturnian couples are the ones whose married life is all about discipline, hard work, challenges, figuring things out. Their life path is such that unexpected challenges keep happening all the time. Life keeps pushing them to the challenges even if they do not want to fight.

These natives even wonder why their reality is so different from that of other people they see around them or on media. Since they are not aware of Saturnian impact, they live with a sort of "grass is greener on the other side" feeling. Many natives do not know about astrology and their birth chart, they are caught up in the sociocultural norms but keep resentment because rather than being fun and lighthearted, their romance is all about emotional control and challenges. Maybe they just have too many financial, social, career problems or the partners themselves are too demanding and have high expectations that they have to keep working to fulfill them.

Lessons of Saturn are hard to figure out. Even the internet communities suggest that "love should be unconditional, you do not need to work hard for love, if they cannot love you for yourself then go find someone else". But we know that in real life, it is not so easy to go find another partner just like that. We know that even in the new relationship we will face the same challenges because we have not resolved them. And life is not really that full of opportunities that everywhere you go you find single people looking to date you.

Saturnian couples are the ones who are faced with so many challenges that they start disgusting at love. They cringe at the idea of it, they might even be repulsed by the idea of love because they realize that all this is mere fantasy, childish, narcissistic desires. It is strange, isn't it, how the romantic love is not the same for every couple depending upon their planetary placements? These natives are not necessarily born cold hearted but with age and life experience, they gain maturity and eventually realize that their life path is more challenging than the average.

Emotions associated with Saturn are that of guilt, shame, heaviness, tiredness, discipline, monotony, feeling trapped, feeling stressed and feeling restricted in expressing their desires out of fear that they will be shunned or that life is already so challenging then how can they desire fun and adventures.

There must be some value in hardships; unfortunately society and media do not talk about Saturnian relationships, they are rather seen in philosophical discussions.

🍓 🥤 🌿 for the ask game!!!! <333

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

one of my favorite k facts tbh. i invented fanfiction at jesus camp with my new friend eden. we clutched each other on a hillside while a god rock band performed below, puffy with mosquito bites and illicit ideas, and whispered to one another of the members of our mutual favorite band, what if they kissed each other? we were 13 years old. camp was so in-the-middle-of-nowhere you could see the whole milky way at night, the thickness of it. the grass got wetter and wetter the longer you sat in the dark, hiding from the flashlights of your counselors. every few breaths you'd see a shooting star, til you were numb to marvel, til that was just what the night sky looked like and you expected it everywhere. it was magic and no one had ever thought of it before, boys in bands kissing. when we went home to our separate cities, i started handwriting fic (decorated with gel pen! this was the year 2003) and mailing it to her in hot pink envelopes. imagine my surprise when i discovered the internet.

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

one of my favorite fics i ever read was a girl!one direction story about squirting. here it is: you change, water sea by got2ghost

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

love this question, as someone who has struggled in the workplace to maintain the same creative energy i had access to in school.

for creativity: read. read endlessly. try to understand on a granular, sentence-and-word-level, why you like the things you like; what makes a line funny, what makes a line scary, what draws you in to a writer's style vs pushes you out of it. what do the books you can't put down have in common? read things that challenge you--long-form novels, old novels, things way outside your preferred genres. and try to have lots of experiences in the time you aren't writing. try new things! paint something, walk down a block you've never been on, look in people's windows, cook a new meal, get coffee at a new place, go for a drive, listen to someone else's favorite record, listen to a record you hate actually, go to a new store and just look around, touch fabrics, dance, have conversations, travel for no reason, watch videos on youtube about new skills you don't intend to master. READ NONFICTION, especially essays. try to avoid doing the same things you're comfortable with or things that feel easy for a whole afternoon. bury yourself in sensation. chase pleasure. let yourself play.

for writer's block: write anyway--in a journal, in your fragmented notes file with ideas, edit or polish something that's already written, get one sentence out. i like to set a timer for 20 minutes and give it a proper try (this means staying off tumblr and my phone) and then, if it doesn't lead to anything, i'm off the hook guilt-free, because i made an effort. try writing in a different notebook, with a different pen, in a different place, even in a different font on your computer. set yourself challenges like, write a 100 word story. write a specific type of poem like a villanelle. respond to a prompt or create one for someone else. if there's a part of the story--or a different story--that feels more easeful to write and you're just trying to get there, skip to that part. to be quite honest, writing in a notebook away from technology is the #1 thing that helps me just keep moving. it breaks me out of distraction and perfectionism cycles. it feels good to fill pages, even if it's with words you don't even up using.

the other part is, accept that our brains won't do what they won't do. great writing is not created by use of force. the biggest thing i have learned about myself is that if i can't write, there's something wrong. maybe the characters in my story aren't making sense, maybe the plot is boring and readers will be just as bored as i am, maybe i need to go back and rewrite something to end up in a better place for the next scene, maybe i need a week off from a story because i'm burned out on it and i should write something else or nothing at all. but most often there's not something wrong with the story--there's something wrong with my life. i don't have the time or the energy; i'm giving too much of the best parts of myself to the wrong thing; i'm trying to write at the wrong time of day for my energy level; i checked my email first and now my concentration is entirely shot; i need to work fewer hours if i want to write more; i need more help around the house if i want to write more; i need to just let it be dirty for a while and skip my chores if i want to write more, etc. figuring out what you need to actually feel like writing--learn to feel that again!--and making it possible to set other things, even important things, aside in order to write when you feel it, is so huge for me. making a commitment to the practice of writing and not the product of it. if you're doing that, you can relax. take care of yourself and fix the imbalances in your life. the ideas will come. writing is organic and we are organisms. given space and time, things will always change from how they are right now. let yourself and your creative practice ebb and flow when it needs to instead of forcing it to be something it's not.

thank you for the ask darling sorry i ranted at you for twenty fucking minutes!!!

A Reylo Retrospective (or: The Friends We Made Along the Way?)

After a New York City SNL weekend, I typically write a flaily recap of the incredible show experience on my way home. (See my unabashedly joyous recap posts from Adam’s 2018 and 2020 shows. :)) My friends and I sadly did not make it into the show this time, so I decided to write a recap post of a different kind. This is a retrospective of my years in Reylo/Adam fandom so far, and why they’ve been the best years of my life.

In December 2017, I saw TLJ in theaters for the first time. Like many of you reading this, my life was irrevocably changed in the span of those hours. We all remember the moment when we felt it happen. Maybe it was when Kylo took off his helmet in front of Snoke and bared those wounded eyes. Maybe it was the moment when all sound cut out and the first force bond opened. Maybe it was the moment Kylo appeared shirtless - hot and broad and so so vulnerable. Maybe (as it was for me) it was the moment when he and Rey locked eyes in the throne room, then turned back to back in a slow motion, world-tilting moment that changed everything. Without fail, this is always one of my favorite things to talk about with Reylo friends both new and old. Recalling the moment. That lightning strike of realization that you were seeing something that would indelibly change who you are.

It’s impossible to describe the experience to people who didn’t share in this particular epiphany. But whenever I attempt to do so, I usually phrase it something like this: When I say TLJ changed my life, I don’t just mean the movie itself. I mean that moment was a gateway. It connected me to a community, friendships, and experiences that would beautify and enrich my life in ways I could never have expected.

In June of 2018, I made a hare-brained trip to the Nantucket Film Festival, where Adam would be speaking on a panel with Noah. The event was small, located in a humble school auditorium. I sat in one of the first rows, mere seats away from Greta and Joanne. Adam came onto the stage, and he was everything and nothing I expected. Larger than life. Impossibly small compared to the explosive impact of his presence. An unassuming, compelling, inexplicable force that made my heart race and my stomach swoop. The impact of his presence is something I still can’t describe. This riveting, authentic persona; this irresistible gravity in the way he carries himself; the way he seems to hunch into a body that nonetheless strains the seams of the world around him. I couldn’t take my eyes off him the entire time, and my heart never calmed down. To this day, it still hasn’t. 

Then came September of 2018: Adam’s second SNL appearance and what would be my first time attempting to go to the show. In the week leading up to the show, the undertaking truly gave the impression of insanity. I took an overnight bus to NYC on a Thursday night, and upon my arrival at 5 AM I went straight to join the Standby Line with my humongous backpack and all my things in tow. It was still dark, raining, and I truly contemplated my own sanity as I dug trash bags out from my backpack and bagged all my things in effort to keep everything dry. Then the sun rose, the rain petered out, the one internet friend I’d planned to meet there joined me in line, and as the Friday hours flew by, solidarity and excitement warmed the steadily-growing line. 

When I think back to those ~24 hours of mania, I remember spontaneous pizza parties with new line friends; I remember spirited conversations in the midnight hours about Adam’s filmography and all our respective moments of epiphany that led to us being there - on a NYC street at midnight for a mere chance of watching our collective fave on SNL. I remember random Reylos watching our updates on twitter and sending us food, snacks, and Starbucks in line. (Literally never forget the bike delivery guy who, with a befuddled expression, announced he had a pizza delivery for “….the Reylos in the SNL line???”) I remember the camaraderie, the utter silliness, the crafting of homemade signs so the hundreds of passers-by would stop asking what we were there for. (Ours said ‘What: Saturday Night Live. Why: Kylo Ren.”) I remember the hours flying by, and the utter euphoria of it all - enough to keep us (mostly) warm in even the smallest hours of Saturday morning.

In the show’s Dress Rehearsal the next evening, I sat with three girls I’d never met before that weekend. They’re still three of my best friends to this day. We exchanged numbers after the show that evening and started a group chat (“Designated Adam Drivers,” obviously). In the five years since, every single day that group chat lit up my phone meant it would be a good day. In the years since then, we’ve shared countless experiences that would never have even knocked on my door of possibility, were it not for this miraculous thing called the Reylo/Adam gateway - that spark of recognition and understanding that turned us from strangers to soulmates. 

Since then, we’ve shared almost an embarrassment of riches in terms of experiences together: Four in-person (one virtual) AITAF shows, five Burn This performances/stage doors, the profound highs and lows of the TROS London premiere, Adam’s January 2020 SNL show, Steven Colbert and Seth Meyers appearances, and an array of film festival premieres. (TIFF 2019 for Marriage Story and The Report; Cannes 2021 for Annette; Venice 2022 for White Noise.) Not to mention that last year I went to visit one of those 2018 SNL besties in Australia (along with the other Aussie bestie I met in the 2020 SNL line). 

I realize the above list reflects privilege in terms of my opportunities and work flexibility to travel, and that someone could read the above and think I need to chill the fuck out. But I wrote out that list in attempt to convey the broadening of horizons, the ageless delight, and inexhaustible joy that such a shared passion brings into one’s life. It’s a bright beacon of the kind of excitement most people leave behind in childhood. It’s a reminder of the intangible sources of wonder and inspiration that come from within. It brings together people of disparate ages, backgrounds, and nationalities with a kind of innocent enthusiasm it often feels this world needs so much more of.

Of course, one could always argue this common binding spark is the foundation of fandom culture in general. But I’ve cycled through my fair share of other fandoms pre-Reylo/Adam, and nothing has ever compared to these wondrous heights. And going on six years since my personal TLJ moment, I still feel the conviction in my very toes that nothing else ever will.

In parallel to my real-life adventure squad, these last few years have also seen the cultivation of friendships with other Reylos and fic authors online. Never underestimate the power of a single AO3 comment or twitter DM to spark profound connection. What started as a group of online friends quickly transcended the bounds of cyber space. My “pocket friends” don’t just live in my phone; they’re the people I look forward to telling about my day, the ones I lean on in tough times, the ones whose support and love I know to be constant, no matter physical distance or timezones. They’ve become the indefatigable group of girlfriends my teenaged self might have dreamed up to feature in my adult life. And even as some of us may move on from Reylo/Star Wars, its ties are timeless and unbreakable. We are more than a group of people who cohabitated the same particular corner of the internet for a time. No, we’re kindred spirits who recognized in each other the same values, the same challenges and struggles, the same fears and anxieties, the same hopes and joys. We recognized and nurtured in each other that rare, safe space for our true selves. We were drawn together by this silly, fantastic shared obsession, and together built something real and true that grew well beyond it. 

So why am I writing this terribly sappy and self-indulgent post, you wonder? Well, I suppose my motivation came from the bittersweet experience of this weekend. I suppose it came from the conflicted emotional response I had to not making SNL this time. It came from the moment I realized that while the disappointment felt crushing, I will nonetheless cherish this SNL weekend right alongside the others. 

And why should that mean anything to you, dear reader? Why should you care about my sentimentality? Perhaps because - even if we’ve never spoken either in person or online - we each shared the moment, at one point or another. The moment that led us here - to me writing, you reading, to us sharing this particular little corner of the world. Perhaps because the highs and lows I experienced this weekend are not unlike the wins and losses we all share in this fandom space. The point of this post is not to wallow in temporary disappointment, but to celebrate how far we’ve come in this shared journey. The point is to cut through the haze and the frustration, the scandal and the hurt, to recall the purity of that shared emotion that first called us here. The point is to dedicate a moment of reflection for the love and enthusiasm that guided and shaped all this in the first place. 

To many, Reylo is divisive, even maligned. Nothing we say or do can ever change their warped view. We can, however, know in our heart of hearts that we share something unique and powerful. We can support and love each other; we can see the best in each other. We can fill our shared corner of the world with that magic we each discovered when we stepped through that gateway for the very first time.

you act as if people drawing and posting porn involving minors is normal behavior. not every CSA or COCSA victim is going to be comforted by people fetishizing the thing that traumatized them, acting like people being uncomfortable with DRAWN CHILD PORN is somehow taking resources away from victims is disgusting. Not to mention I doubt a good chunk of the larger artists known for drawing ~risque~ shit involving kids are all somehow CSA survivors. Not everyone who draws children and adults getting it on is a victim, what excuse do they have for making our trauma wank material? Pitching a fit about how people having an opinion about and acting like they're some bogeyman because they said it's nasty to sexualize children is a bad look. you say bog's obsessed when you've filled the recent posts with his tag with you whining about them. grow the fuck up and learn that "block someone if they post shit you don't agree with" can go both ways.

oh hey, someone with their name attached to an ask, haven't got one of those in a while

Anyway

(1) "you act as if people drawing and posting porn involving minors is normal behavior."

I mean, if we're going to be honest, a lot of things about erotic fantasies aren't "normal", so I don't really care about that word usage? That means nothing.

What I care about is actual harm, and there is no actual hard proof that these stories/art/fantasies/whatever *on their own* lead to a greater increase in CSA or grooming.

We know people may use it, but that's because groomers use everything. But we learned that we aren't going to hold candy stores on lock down, but rather teach kids about "stranger danger".

(2) "not every CSA or COCSA victim is going to be comforted by people fetishizing the thing that traumatized them"

Cool, I never said that. But it is undeniable that many other victims have found sanctuary in engaging with this fiction in one way or another, or even RECOGNIZED they'd been abused because they saw a fic tagged 'abuse' and connected it to their own life experiences.

What they need to do, if it has an adverse affect on their emotions, is learn to manage tags and their internet bubble.

This may surprise you, but I also don't like lolisho stuff. However, I manage to keep myself safe with proper internet use, not interacting with lolisho accounts, etc.

This can be made difficult depending on the exact site (twitter has always been a trashfire and it's only gotten worse), but the answer is to work together to find a way so that both parties can exist.

(3) "acting like people being uncomfortable with DRAWN CHILD PORN is somehow taking resources away from victims"

.....Yeah, I never said that either. Did you go to the wrong blog?

(4) "Not to mention I doubt a good chunk of the larger artists known for drawing ~risque~ shit involving kids are all somehow CSA survivors"

The problem here is that no one has a magical radar for detecting who's "actually" a CSA survivor or not. You can only ask, and, frankly, a lot of you can't be trusted with that information.

I know this from experience, where I said "this anime lady having mid-boobs isn't a sign she's minor-coded" and someone decided that meant I was lying about being a CSA survivor, or else I'd have agreed with them.

(5) "what excuse do they have for making our trauma wank material?"

I mean, one, they're not making "your" trauma wank material. They're not thinking about you, or me, or anyone at all. They're thinking about an anime character or whatever.

If we restrict writing/etc on "did they experience this exact trauma themselves", then we'd have to cut out a LOT of media.

secondly, I know for a fact that one of the theories to why people have rape fantasies is because of the stress of being marginalized in some way, where their sexualities constantly judged and there's no "right" answer which doesn't immediately contradict itself.

(for example, women having to fight between the cultural expectations of "whore" or "prude", so their brain provides a fantasy where they get the great sex but none of the responsibility because the choice was taken from them)

I'm sure some equally fascinating answers could be given for stuff like lolisho... but that would require you approaching people in good faith, recognizing that they're human, and not deciding from the get that they're evil boogeyman who want to hurt YOU specifically.

(7) "Pitching a fit about how people having an opinion about"

That you frame it like this indicates, at least to me, that you don't know how this conversation started out. It wasn't just bogleech "having an opinion". It was bogleech making unsubstantiated judgment calls, and doing things like taking a trans person's words out of context so he could make them look like a pedophile and send his rabid fanbase their way.

Add in him not listening to actual scientific studies and pedojacketing any CSA survivor who doesn't listen to him...

And that is the problem.

(8) "you've filled the recent posts with his tag with you whining about them"

yeah, I got asks about him. Other people were also criticizing him. I tagged with his name so that people who were sick of him and had his name muted and on a blacklist etc could avoid seeing him.

I don't know why that's a struggle to understand. It's basic consideration.

That he's the kind of guy who looks up on his own name on Google search is far more embarrassing.

it’s been a really powerful year for like mental health acceptance and self confidence building which inevitably means, when you’re as fucked-up as i am, that periods of that always then make you realize how much else is still wrong

at this point i think that as someone with C-PTSD i can’t expect to live a “normal” life in terms of how i interact with other people.  i really...don’t think that will be possible.  this level of acceptance has been my thing this year and it’s really been helpful to defy toxic positivity/disability porn culture and be honest and open with myself about the reality.  it will never happen and that’s that.  so i have to figure out what kind of “normal” i think i can realistically achieve and of course adapt that over time as needed.  but there’s no way i can have what other people have--in offline or online spaces.  and it’s actually sometimes worse to think about the latter because of the common belief that “oh you’re WEIRD you can’t make irl friends but can make Internet Nerd Friends” but to be totally honest i have some of the same problems in both spaces.

i was just reading about how exposure therapy for people who find it impossible to be in successful relationships with others is...duh, nearly impossible when you are triggered by relationships with others 😭 i keep trying to find alternate explanations but i think my actual complex trauma diagnosis kind of covers everything. 

it’s very difficult to be in a social setting when you kind of can’t keep up in a “group” and “group” to you literally means more than one other person.  i like...stop existing.  i feel like this caged spectator.  as the conversation goes on i start losing the capability to try to put a sentence together to get a word in.  like those people who are “locked in” and can only move their eyes.  if this happens the only thing that can kind of end it is if one of the people leaves or someone mercifully brings up something i’m very good at talking about, but i feel hurt after, like i’ve been hit by a bus and am picking myself off the ground.  i used to have these very big, very scary dissociative episodes that were kind of cinematic, and i haven’t had one since 2014 but i’m realizing that i think i have smaller ones all the time. i complain a lot about my work team but we also were weirdly close to the point where i just told my coworker that i have Trauma so if i ever just seem like....weird or off that’s why--sometimes my mind just goes elsewhere and i don’t realize until it eventually returns to me and i realize i’ve been sitting in a room of people staring blankly at a wall for....a LONG time.

(the thing is...my brain doesn’t shut off so...It’s that i’m looking inside my head you know?  the outside world just ceases to exist for a while.)

and like, jesus, everyone in the know agrees i’ve been doing “so much better” socially. this is so much better? i can’t even hold a conversation in a groupchat (unless it’s the deathpond because the deathpond is just. magical.) i’m so deeply afraid of other people.  not afraid of their judgement or something, but like, the crux of it is that Other People in Groups are going to happily watch me die because of something inherently wrong with me that makes me deserve this from them, and i can’t tell people i need help because...i can’t trust Other People in Groups.  by the time i was in pre-K or Kindergarten i knew my parents couldn’t help me with my problems and i lived in a constant state of random fear that would appear out of nowhere, which is pretty developmentally fucked up for a child less than six years old.  i used to want to tell them to please help me--but i was also a disturbingly smart and intuitive kid, and i remember thinking, i can’t tell them because the only thing that will help me is to “take it out of my head.” and they can’t reach in and take it out, so it will just continue. and indeed--that is the only thing that would have helped me!  i wasn’t properly diagnosed with anything till i was 24, and i had been to many therapists before that.

i’m not sure why i’ve written all this out.  i used to write stuff like this on my tumblr but then stopped because of how public it is, but whatever.  i guess i just want people to know.  i want to have good relationships with others and laugh in groups and have fun. but it’s just too hard for me a lot of the time.  sometimes i can handle it but other times it’s not at all possible.  i just have to learn to accept that i won’t fit in. i might truly never be able to. it’s hard to accept.

any tips on how to write?

hiya anon!

im probably not the best source for this particular question, i can only offer personal experience and advice youve probably heard a million billion times. i would suggest going onto youtube or just the internet in general with this question and look for sources with professional writers/those who have the kind of genre expertise youre looking for

academic writing is not my forte- i can write a research paper, but im definitely not a source to seek advice for it

creative writing is what i mainly do, and a lot of it is fictional creative writing. ive been writing since i was about 7 or 8, and that came about due to meeting a friend who shared a mutual love for the warrior cat series by erin hunter. we wrote about our own oc's and made up our own clan, and at the time, we had no idea that what we were doing was called fanfiction. it was just a fun outlet for us that we only shared with each other, and it wasn't until a little later when we were a tad older did we start writing more original works. it was actually around the time that unbroken (that 2014 war film) came out that we both got really interested in writing war stories, so that was a new horror/thriller genre we got into. my writing path has essentially been fantasy -> fanfiction -> thriller to present day, where i do still dabble with thriller/horror but i mostly write fanfictions

so, all of that to say, what i learned from all of that is to love what you love and extend your creativity to it, and then beyond it. read or watch things you like, explore different but adjacent genres, find a favorite author or movie producer, remember certain lines or phrases or story-tellings, and just tinker around a bit. i didn't start sharing any of my writing until well into my teen years because i was still learning, and although thats perfectly fine to keep your writing to yourself until youre comfortable, if you want to improve, then taking the risk of judgment is necessary!

however, i've also just always had a natural predilection towards writing. you could say i am "right brained" since reading and writing have always been very natural things that i also happen to enjoy! not everyone is going to have a natural "closeness" to writing, even if they do enjoy the process of it or like to read, so some people will need to put forth more effort than others to achieve the desired result

writing is hard work- it takes a lot of brain power sometimes and can be very tiring. i get burned out all the time, from both reading and writing, and sometimes it can be difficult to enjoy things since im always looking for inspiration or ideas on what to write and how to write it. but dont get discouraged if the process is more difficult than expected! like anything you do, of course it takes practice and time and effort. ive been told a couple times that people wish they could write like me, and though im flattered, it took a long time to get where im at (over a decade) and i am still very much striving to improve and find ways to expand my creativity!

writing is just a hobby for me, so i dont take it as seriously as a professional writer might. i write because i enjoy it and its a great way to connect with others, but when it gets too stressful or im no longer happy doing it, i stop writing and i take a break. i can do that because this is a hobby for me and thus no obligations are being tied to my production rate, so if its the same for you anon, i would encourage also not to take any of it too seriously!

it's all well and good to hone a craft and try to be the best at it as you can possibly be, but dont let it stress you out if youre not the best or the fastest writer out there. this is life, and we're all just trying to have a good time, so why stress about it, you know?

I think the original thesis was that one's art will inevitably lack the character and authenticity that compels and invests people if it's created precisely to cater to people's expectation, rather than what compels and invests the artist. Which I entirely agree with and genuinely see no legit counterargument to.

But that's what has somehow mutated into the 'you should make art for yourself and yourself alone, people's engagement is simply a nice bonus' thesis that regularly crosses my dash lately. And I get the sentiment behind it, I do !! Especially in a time, it seems, of people engaging less and less with fanworks. I however have much more reservations towards this statement, and would go as far as suggesting that it is counterproductive, in a time of people engaging less and less with fanworks.

Because, writing in this very case, but that goes for art in general, is meant to be shared. Art is about making connections, it’s a conversation. It’s saying ‘this is how I see the world, is this how you see it too ?’, and it expects a response. Stories were told long before they were written, and we started writing them to ensure they would be passed onto future generations, because we wanted to share them beyond our finitude. But to our peers that were there now, we kept telling stories because it’s not simply about transmission, it’s about reaction. Why would you tell the epics of great heroes if not to galvanise your audience ? Why would you elaborate horrors that chill your own bones if not to frighten your audience ? And why would you tell these stories if not to know whether they did galvanise or frighten your audience ? Why tell these stories if not for the comfort that your peers find courage, or fear in the same things that you do ?

Of course it’s an easy thing to overlook in our epoch where stories are most often recorded, in solitude, and then ‘consumed’ asynchronously, often also in solitude. Stories nowadays are written and read much more often than they are told and heard, and I see how we’ve come to disregard the need for response. However, something I have been formally taught as a librarian in that same epoch, is that people read because they seek something, and not for sole distraction. I believe people write for the same reason.

I can promise you as a writer that I make up stories for my own entertainment entirely. I wish you could see side by side the history of my first 5 years on AO3 and the monumental amount of potential fics I have elaborated in the same timespan. The act of writing was Difficult for me for various reasons during that time, so I never gave this myriad of stories a shape that allowed to share them on the internet. Because I was content enough vividly imagining these characters and situations; essentially, telling myself these stories. I believe other writers may need to tell themself their stories in a more tangible manner so they write them out, and then do so for themself solely.

However, if I have started to write regularly as of late, to compose and shape my stories into a form to convey to the best of my ability what my brain envisioned to a reader’s brain; if we writers put our stories out into the world for anyone to see, it’s because we want to share them, we want them read, we’re extending ourselves out to say ‘this is how I see the world too, this is how I feel too’. And we want to know that we aren’t alone in seeing the world as we do, in feeling as we do. We put our stories out instead of keeping them to ourselves because we want, and need response. As have all the storytellers that came before us.

So I honestly won’t suffer seeing another post on my dash telling writers that they need to write for themselves and disregard engagement because we do !! We write for ourselves !! But we share our writing publicly because we want, well, to *share* it. Because that’s an integral part of being human.

And if you are a reader who think that commenting on a fic is solely an ego boost for the writer and that a much-less-time-consuming kudos is ego boost enough, or that a story is between a writer and themself solely and that voicing your feelings about it is superfluous, I’m begging you to reconsider, your vision and what writers are truly offering.

I just looked through your recent asks from today and I personally think everyone trying to inform you of stuff you’re already aware of are wasting their time, while I’m not right-wing, I have the brain capacity to realise not everyone is going to follow my views and I’m capable of dealing with that fact, unlike many others I’ve seen you replying to.

Actors are normal people just like everyone else, just because they’re in the spotlight more than the average person shouldn’t mean they instantly conform to whatever views their fanbase desires, it’s unrealistic for people to hold that expectation of others.

If you as an individual choose to not engage with content relating to this person, then do so as you please but keep your mouth shut about it, not everyone keeps to know nor cares. I’m a FTM guy and I will personally choose to continue engaging with his content as I enjoy him as an actor, have consumed his content for years at this point (namely his role as Mark Hoffman in the Saw franchise) despite any transphobic things he’s said (nothing of which I’ve seen proof of).

To anyone saying the same shit about past posts, things that have apparently been said etc.. please learn that the world doesn’t revolve around you and not everyone cares about what you have to say, each person is their own and has their own views. Consume his content or don’t, you don’t need to vocalise your thoughts on the matter.

I'm just in awe than someone was able to draw such strong conclusions and write him off as basically the worst person in the world based on two very vague instagram posts from years ago and the fact that he follows some right wing accounts, which doesn't really mean anything.

Did he ever actually say "I hate women and LGBT people"? Did anyone actually ask him about his worldviews and opinions, or reasons why he follows these accounts? Or is it just projection, and people just want to feel better about themselves by being internet keyboard warriors and giving themselves the false sense of actually doing something and fighting the 'good fight'?

If you want to understand what fascism really is and how to fight it, read Hannah Arendt. Read Viktor Frankl. Read some testimonies and accounts of the actual Holocaust victims. Read Strangers in Their Own Land, to draw parallels, to understand how it happened that fascism is currently rising in the US and what should we do about it. Don't get riled up by some C-list actor's instagram account, which doesn't even have that much influence. Even if he does have opinions leaning right, writing angry messages to strangers on the internet won't actually change anything. Neither will writing 'whore' and 'tits' under every post of the character he plays. It says nothing about him and everything about the person posting it.

Tumblr's Problem

For a long time, I've heard about "Tumblr's Community" and how toxic it is or how divisive it is and I honestly didn't get it. Why would that be? Is it just an age thing? (I hear most people on here are on the younger side) is it just how this community has come about from dealing with certain issues? None of that made sense. Then I tried to engage with someone in a comment section, and It happened. I hit a character limit. Suddenly my attempts to engage in an honest discussion came out pithy and curt....Just like Twitter.

See, I'm a social media manager. I am, sadly, very familiar with a variety of platforms and their quirks. I often think of it as being a warlock to a fey creature. Trying to talk to people about how algo's work honestly makes you sound like you have figured out a conspiracy of Pepe Silvia. I had thought Tumblr would have been a great place for discussion because you can make really long posts like this one, however, I hadn't really tried to do a whole lot of commenting. When I hit that character limit on a sensitive topic, I knew what the problem was.

Capitalism...again

See most algos and AI on these websites have one thing they care about most. Keeping you clicking and engaged on the website. They have had years of practice with this too. It's why Facebook is the pit that it is today. (https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2021/10/26/facebook-angry-emoji-algorithm/)

Have you ever wondered why Twitter never increased its limit despite many people asking for it? This is why and the same is true for Tumblr. The more limited people are to comment, the harder it is to figure out who is coming at you in good faith.

I'm not surprised, this is after all my personal social media brain dump place, I don't exactly expect Tumblr to be better (a simple scroll on the home screen shows how bad the algo use is for this website). However, I am disappointed. That feeling you get when you get a notification? That feeling of dread that it's someone going to make your day worse? It all stems from this anger formula. We are intentionally pitted against each other, fed with cookies and pats of likes and shares while having our noses rubbed into every bad opinion out there with no hope of discussion to find common ground or how we could be better. Every person is bad and an online troll waiting to pounce.

It doesn't have to be this way. As a social media manager, I have the strange position of sitting in the space between "The internet is a curse and we are better off without it" and "The internet is the best thing to ever happen to us/my interactions online are the be all of humanity's advancement and advocacy"

The internet and to that extent, social media is a tool. Like most tools, it's about how they are used and by who. Thoughslime had a video that is called "The internet is communist as hell" and I agree, however like many things capitalism has come in and has tried to wrestle it into submission and a tool for its own use. It's a testament to the inherent leftism of the internet that it has allowed resistance to this. (You just have to look at current Twitter to see it. If Capitalism had full control over the internet, we'd all just have to deal with muskland with no other alternatives, which is exactly why tech bros are obsessed with the "everything" app but that's a slightly different conversation)

Social media has allowed disenfranchised voices to reach out to each other and find solidarity. Social media has allowed right-wing conspiracy theories to become more easily available. Social media has allowed people to connect with those who they never would interact with, facilitating exposure to new a pathway from fear. Social media has caused apathy, despair, inaction, and other mental health issues. etc etc

The Luddites have been conveniently labeled as "anti-tech" when in reality they were the workers who designed and maitance of the very machines they supposedly feared. They were mislabeled because it allowed the ruling class to sweep their concerns under the rug. Concerns like worker replacement in a world that refuses to take care of people unless they provide for the ruling class. Shoddy workmanship in exchange for mass-produced shitty goods. etc. A lot of the problems that we face today.

Social media/algos/AI is no different. These things should be tools to further our lives and make it easier. However, instead, the capitalist hand reached in and snagged it for their own use.

Do not fall for the anger, the despair, the apathy, and especially the illusion that humans are only one thing. Let us work for the day when we celebrate new technology and jobs becoming obsolete/safer because it means more free time for all.

A world where people get what they need and are able to use the tools to contribute to their abilities.

Hopefully soon.

(TL:DR Fuck social media/tech/ai being used to oppress but never forget they are OUR tools and should be working FOR US)

the Mario Movie Post

ok SO heres a more expansive post listing my Thoughts on the mario movie. HUGE spoiler warning under the cut btw

it was....good! i keep comparing it to the sonic movies in my head bc thats what ive seen a lot of other ppl doing, and i think, compared to those movies, this one is a “safer” adaptation of the source material; and ofc this isnt an inherently good or bad thing, but it may influence ur opinion if u were expecting a more derivative adaptation like the sonic movies, which take more risks and creative liberties. id rank the mario movie below sonic 2 (the greatest movie of all time btw), but idk if id put it above or below sonic 1; ultimately, like i said, it depends on whether u prefer the adaptation thats “safer” or “riskier” in terms of what its trying to accomplish.

anyway, here r some things i rly liked abt the movie!! warning for me gushing abt bowser bc im in love with him btw ASDLJKADS

bowser is the greatest character in the entire thing ofc. not surprising at all ASLKJDSLKJDS my big beautiful monster husband he is SOOOO GOOOODDD like.....hes the most expressive, full of personality, and jack black gives an AMAZING performance as him. his fucking song???? the princess peach love song??? beautiful. lovely. i love bowser so fucking much......like yeah he “kidnaps people” and “tries to kill innocents” or whatever but errmmm he does it in the name of love so its ok uwu my big strong cuddly ferocious teddy bear i love him I LOVE HIIMMMMM KLASJDKLJASDLKJ HES SO PERFECT HES A SWEET LOVEY DOVEY DORK BUT HES ALSO FUCKED UP EVIL AND POWERFUL AND WILLING TO CRUSH ANYONE WHO STANDS IN HIS WAY GOOOODDDDD I WANT HIM SO BAD

animation is gorgeous, including the environments and character models. say what u want abt illumination but u have to admit their actual animation game is pretty damn good and this film is no exception

i rly appreciate all the references and easter eggs! i like how they used music from the games in various ways, and how they incorporated the different worlds/levels.

i LOVE the little additional bits of lore they added!!! ive been a huge Mario Lore Enthusiast pretty much since i first learned how to use the internet so this was very satisfying to my autistic brain ALSKJLKDASJ

as far as specific lore elements go, i loved getting to see mario and luigi’s parents (+ extended family!!!). u dont understand for the longest time the only CANON picture we had of mario and luigis parents were these images from the end of yoshis island ASKLDJSLAKDJ so im very happy we got more detailed designs for them

i love the backstory they gave princess peach!! ive always wondered why she rules the mushroom kingdom despite not being a toad. i hope they expand on her story more if they ever make a second movie bc i think it would be rly interesting to know more abt where she came from!!

i LOOOVE the kongs so so much......ty mario movie for finally ending the debate abt whether or not dk is cranky kongs son or grandson SALKJDALKSJ also i love dk’s characterization in this too, his friendly rivalry w mario was rly funny

i love love LOOOVVE the sibling dynamic between mario and luigi. Bro They Are Bros

i like the incorporation of the power-ups and how they work

king bob-omb is there. i like him :)

and now for some criticisms (note that these r all pretty minor, there wasnt rly anything i Disliked abt the movie which is admittedly more than i can say abt the first sonic movie actually LKSAJLKD):

a lot of the characters just kinda felt flat, especially compared to bowser who has the most personality. luigi is the only one i can think of who has any kind of significant “arc.” peach, toad, and dk dont rly have any kind of significant character growth, while mario’s arc is just kinda....He Learns To Get Better At Fighting And Navigating The Mushroom Kingdom i guess. to be fair mario games in general arent rly known for focusing on character development (w some exceptions like the rpgs, but none of that development is rly focused on mario himself), but that ultimately just made this movie’s writing pale in comparison to the sonic movies (which arent perfect (except for the second one) but still)

luigi didnt rly do much throughout the whole thing.....i liked him a lot in the beginning, but he spends most of the movie being captured. i DID like the fight scene at the end where mario and luigi team up to beat the shit out of bowser tho!! i just wish we got to spend a little more time with luigi so his arc had a more satisfying conclusion

Why didnt they credit grant kirkhope for the dk rap. wtf nintendo/illumination

but yeah those r my Thoughts. overall it was a pretty good movie, id maybe give it like....7/10? 7.5/10? it wasnt Great but it was good. definitely better than the Other mario movie thats for sure LKASJFLKJS

🦋🕯️💌 for the emoji ask game!

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

Not really insecure about anything these days? I've posted a truly absurd amount of fic and my previous fandoms include Harry Potter (TERF author can go rot) and MCU (... character roundabouts abound and the tonky stans refuse to admit it) so ... fandoms don't scare me much, I'm liberal with the block and delete buttons and I'm pretty confident in my own writing ability and general standing as a fanfic author.

I think the only thing I tend to worry about is my tags? I always either miss something, or tag something in a slightly weird way there's probably something better for. If you ever notice a fic of mine that could do with either tag pruning or an additional tag - please do let me know. I once managed to forget to add Whump to a fics tags and only remembered when a commenter mentioned it, I promise, I will not be mad.

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you’re not a social person/experience social anxiety?

See, I am Bad At People. I had very few friends going up and whether or not I have any neurodivergency (unknown, not unlikely, Dad almost definitely is, but I also have trauma from bullying and a shitty ex to complicate matters) I don't always socialise so good. I tend to observe social interactions and write them well, but outside of my close friends I get very antsy about interacting with new people.

This is why, generally, I stay in my own lane on tumblr; I'll post my metas and analysis here or in response to asks and only occasionally add them to other posts - and then posts by either people I know or, for whatever reason, feel comfortable enough to add to. I used to be a lot more fighty but frankly that intersects with my social shit badly and I am trying to keep to things which spark joy, even if people being wrong on the internet regularly makes me want to fight them.

Anyway. Comments are also easy because like - an awful lot of people don't respond to your comments? And it's a massive load off my anxious back to know I can just leave a comment and probably won't get any response. And then, if there is a response, it's often delightful because I wasn't expecting it and it's to a comment I probably put way too much thought into which means there's often something fun to discuss. Likewise - I love when people comment on my work with clearly thought out considerations and I know, from my own experiences, that many don't expect a reply and it'll be a nice surprise for them.

And, like I said - I'm trying to keep to things which spark joy. Spreading that joy in fandom is one such. World sucks enough - lets not add to it.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

So uh.

I reblogged a meta from @exhaustedwerewolf a lil while back and it's because of that meta that Kash is now eating my brain apparently? I have gained a new blorbo. I will be resuming my other WIPs soonish - the intense rush of writing has definitely tapered off some - but uh. Now I have 2(.5) new WIPs, centring on Kash and Zahra.

Oops?

Look I just really like poking at characters and their trauma and Kash and Zahra are both fun and drastically different examples.

Anyway so uh.

From what we hear of Kash's backstory, that boy was raised in a cult? I'm so glad I've listened to the Gangster Capitalism series on Liberty University and read/watched/listened as much as I have to stuff about cults and cult-like entities and abuse within those structures because uh.

Boy has some shit to pick through!

(It's extremely engaging.)

dump 1 - 12/3/23

dear internet,

well i made this account months ago but never posted, so why not start now. i've been told to start journaling for years but i dont really like writing, it hurts my hands, so why not type it. i saw a post about someone reading their old entries and now i kind of regret not listening to the ones who told me to keep one.

anyhow, i decided this would be a fine place to put my adhd brains thoughts so i don't burden people with my 200mph brain. it's my own spot on the endless internet and if anyone finds this and somehow takes interest in what i say, that's pretty cool.

i'm not sure what to write specifically so i guess i'll start off with my day. it was an average day i guess. i had some unexpected things happen but i'll get into that later. it was a bit frustrating since i finally had the motivation to clean my room, i even had a plan to reorganize it a bit since my tv and xbox are in a pretty inconvenient spot so i don't really get to use it. but then, my mom told me to clean my room, which instantly made my motivation disappear and all i've done is clean up some cans i had in there. it's a bit annoying since i was even a bit excited to change it around but after being told to do it, i just don't want to anymore.

anyway, to the more interesting part, my ex randomly texted me after our mutual friend suddenly asked me if i still had feelings for them out of no where (i don't, i like someone else). it was strange and i'm not sure how to feel. i didn't expect them to say they miss me, i feel bad having to say i don't really feel the same but i can't lie, that's worse. i was in a rough spot mentally when i was with them, i couldn't go back even as just friends, you can't be friends with someone you loved (at least in my opinion). if you can, you were never in love or there's still feelings, and i don't have feelings for them.

as for my new crush, i like her a lot. we have a lot in common but i've also grown very interested in knowing about the stuff we don't. she's a year older so it's difficult seeing her in school and such, i wish i knew how to have more conversations with her since they don't really go too far, i guess that's the downside of being similar, we're both introverted and more quiet. she's really nice though. i ended up telling our mutual friend i liked her but after that, she promised not to tell, but also said she'd ask about me to see if there's anything there. she never updated me on that or if she even did it but since then, my crush has been snapping me back less. it makes me nervous, i trust the friend but i hope it's just a coincidence or something. i don't know. but yeah.

i guess that's it for my day. tomorrow is monday, not looking forward to school really but oh well. i signed up for badminton with my friend though and i'm nervous but excited for tryouts! hopefully we make the team. i don't know when tryouts are yet but soon i hope. i haven't played a school sport since like 4th grade so i'm a bit scared, especially since i'm not very athletic compared to others and i hope they don't judge too harsh, i think i'm pretty decent at badminton. it's been my favourite for awhile.

so yeah, i don't have much more to talk about right now. to whoever sees this, i hope you enjoyed my random brain dump.

until next time, see you! :D

MY DAD WAS THE DEFINITION OF GASLIGHT GATE-KEEP GIRL-BOSS EXCEPT FOR HIM IT WAS

MANIPULATE, GATE-KEEP, GASLIGHT, GOD COMPLEX.

IN THAT EXACT ORDER.

also girlie I feel so fucking BAD for you like- 😭 you should be able to use the fucking INTERNET without having to become a licensed secret fucking agent, and you're not 8??? you are literally SIXTEEN??? this is why websites like Tumblr are so important because gay neurodivergent teenagers need an OUTLET TO 👏BE 👏THEM👏SELVES👏 they can't be isolated from the world because how to you expect them to FUNCTION it in it without any experience IN IT???

THIS WEBSITE IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS TO HAVE EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND THE FACT THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE ISOLATING YOU FROM BASIC FUCKING SOCIAL MEDIA IS LITERALLY SO SAD OMG.

✨🏳️‍🌈Gay People Online🏳️‍🌈✨

protecting sheltered, isolated, gay, neurodivergent, teenagers since 2010 probably (i think)

bestie i’m crying tysm 😭😭😭😭 it’s a struggle but we’re getting by and I ADORE TUMBLR IT MAKES MY QUEER NEURODIVERGENT BRAIN SO HAPPY BC PEOPLE LIKE U ARE ON IT <3333 ooof give ur dad negative girlboss points from me we don’t stand for that shit at all

GAY PEOPLE ONLINE RLY DOING THE WORK THAT LISCENSED THERAPISTS SCHOOL COUNSELORS AND MILLIONS OF PARENTS AND ADULTS IN SCHOOL SYSTEMS AND THE GOVERNMENT COULDNT 🙏🙏🙏🙏

I don’t think any statement is coming from Percy and people need to stop expecting one. The fact is, no one has to acknowledge rumours or allegations on the internet unless law enforcement is involved. So far not a single one of these girls has gone to the police. They are accusing someone of a serious crime and they don’t want the police to investigate. This is the most glaring red flag to me. Aries herself said she was scared of being sued. Why? If she’s telling the truth, why won’t she or any of these supposed victims involve authorities? They keep saying how there are other victims but why do all these victims think the right recourse is a social media smear campaign and not reporting the actual crime? It makes zero sense. They can make thread after thread on Twitter and it means fuck all in the real world. Not a single mainstream publication has picked this story up for a reason. Netflix won’t address anything as Percy has not been arrested or charged. All of these people calling for consequences when Aries and her crew haven’t done anything to make sure of that other than implicating themselves in the distribution of child pornography and revenge porn. Not to mention building a huge case for defamation of character. I’m sure Percy has been advised to keep quiet and a month from now, the cancelpercy brigade will look even dumber than they already do.

Honestly, I still wish he would make one, but to be fair, the Twitter mob would never listen to him. They are so set on believing those accusations that they forgot to use their brains.

There is still no real evidence that percy has sa anyone, only their words. Which should be taken with a grain of salt because their story keeps changing. Like Aries constantly goes from knowing him personally to not knowing him at all.

For me it is very weird that they're only saying it now. I understand from personal experience that it is hard to come forward, but to only speak out about it on twitter and not going to the police seems kinda fishy for me.

Last month, aries made a post on Facebook saying that she brought her assaulters to court, no mentions of percy. And last week she said that she didn't go to the police. She now is claiming that they don't have proof because instagram updated their app and now all of their dms are gone (which only happened to them, I still have mine from 2016).

They are constantly changing their stories and adding things that have nothing to do with their original accusations.

For the nudes: It is so fucking sad and disturbing that they're sharing it everywhere. He still was a minor when he took them and they made NO point in proofing that he really shared it to minors. they only posted the photos themselves. And now Aries was very happy that people were spreading it like crazy. All of them committed a crime by sharing them. It makes sense that they now closed their accounts. They were already deleting tweets, like the one where Aries said that people were ruining her fun or where she was scared of getting sued. Maybe they started to realise what they had done.

But of course their silence is not proof that they're guilty, this is only reserved for percy

And the twitter mob is eating everything up. The first accusations didn't stick so now people are trying to find something else they can cancel him for. For example his instagram likes from 4-5 years ago or accounts he's following. It has become sort of like a witch hunt. Nothing will stop them from harassing everyone until their happy. They already started to harass Hunter on his birthday, which must be horrible for him and percy.

I am sure that the rest of the cast and netflix know something we don't. Pretty sure netflix would do a background check on their actors before hiring someone. And the fact that no one has said anything about it. Not even the media has said anything (only one gossip account on Instagram and e!news).

Saint Laurent also mentioned him on twitter and instagram. Of course the twitter mob isn't to happy about it. Now they're harassing them to delete, claiming to do it in good faith.

Sadly I think whatever he will do it won't be enough. Those who don't believe him now, won't believe him if he decided to speak up. We can only hope that Netflix and the rest of the industry is smart enough not to listen to twitter accusations without proof