#what if they don't like the truth etc etc
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the thing that annoys me the most about the bullying claim among the stark sisters is that they talk about how much it affects Arya that she thinks she’s ugly and such and like she does, but she’s so much more worried about being “bad” she killed a boy. She’s also going through poverty and war and starving and being introduced to cults/bands of “justice” by murder
but nooooo she totally is more affected by being called horse face despite being compared to SOOOOOO MANY PRETTY PEOPLE AND THAT MEANS SHES GOOD (never mind that good looking=good person should NOT BE YOUR BASIS)
I think most people, and especially girls, know exactly how it feels to worry about your appearance and feel ugly and unattractive, and I get that this is a particular pain for Arya, who apparently has never been called pretty except by her dad one time in AGOT, in an offhanded comparison to her aunt Lyanna. I don't think attractiveness is the most important thing to validate in any child, but I do think that it is good and nice to affirm to your child that they have their own beauty, so that they can then negotiate their relationship with that word from a safer place in adulthood.
It's not about telling your child they don't look a certain way (e.g. no good telling Brienne she's a normal height and her nose is hardly crooked at all), but that the way they look is something unique to them and something they should take pride in, regardless of what others say. Like I think it's an OOC moment in the show, but I think it's sweet when Olenna tells Brienne she looks 'marvellous' or something. She's not saying 'you look like bella hadid', she's saying 'I love the way you look!' to a woman who has received nothing but insults (despite looking like fuckin. Gwendoline Christie lmao). that is nice. it's not the most important compliment anyone can receive, but it embraces divergence as positive.
as it goes though, Arya is a pretty girl and it's just weird that the adults found countless compliments for Sansa and none for Arya. and that's why I find it so bizarre that everyone wants to pin Arya's self-esteem issues on Sansa, a prepubescent child!! like, would Arya have taken these insults so hard if Cat had stepped in and said 'don't listen, you're a lovely girl and your father says you look just like your aunt Lyanna! sansa i am telling you off for calling people names'. children are always going to call each other mean names! it is one thing that is practically guaranteed to happen in any sibling relationship, and anyone who says otherwise is an only child or lying.
but it is much harder for a child to manage that hurt if they're getting called those names, and society seems to be reifying to truth of them at every turn! Septa Mordane is calling her ugly! Cat is calling her a mess! Ned has never complimented her till AGOT! etc! she has never received a compliment before! so how on earth can you say 'and Arya's self-esteem issues can all be traced back to the playground bickering between she and Sansa and Jeyne' when Arya is obviously getting the same message from what seem like far more authoritative sources! is it not worse that those sources are all complimenting Sansa all the time and never Arya? does that not make it worse when Sansa acts like a child about it? like!!
and yeah I agree that there are other more painful insecurities Arya is struggling with. I do think at least part of the reason that this argument keeps coming up in fandom is that people keep trying to claim that Arya's story is similar to Brienne's, in that she IS ugly according to society's standards and that's ok! which isn't true, Arya is canonically a pretty kid with a dirty face and unbrushed hair. that's all it is. so if we could just accept that, there'd be no excuse for the insistence that this is an important aspect of Arya's story.
because it isn't. like im sorry but the ugly duckling means nothing when there are plenty of people who don't grow up to be swans. they get called ugly as children, and they get called ugly as adults. look at Brienne: she has suffered far, far worse prejudice as a result of her appearance in childhood, and she doesn't get the catharsis of growing up pretty to show them all how wrong they were. Brienne has been treated like a fucking monster for how she looks, all of her life. this is a character for whom her appearance IS actually an important theme, and it will be meaningful to see her realise it's a strength, and find love etc. I'm sorry but Arya growing up to be beautiful doesn't mean shit to me lol. I fully accept it's canon, but it is not a meaningful story beat, in a story with people like Tyrion, Brienne and Sam. Arya's story has so many more fascinating themes about identity, trauma, justice, war, friendship and family. if Arya was pretty all along, why should I care?
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Okay, I want to play too. Building off of @dustorange's post and @silverwhittlingknife's post
I think, how I would play this: the circus still happens obviously.
And then Dick dies when he's 16 in circumstances similar to Batman #408, where Dick is shot by the Joker and it causes him to fall to his death. (Dick has to die by falling. To me.) Bruce isn't able to catch him.
Bruce is obviously devastated. Going off of Silver, we'll say no Robin!Jason in this AU. Jason can get away with stealing the tires off of the Batmobile of an extremely grieving Batman. As a treat.
Tim is also devastated. I usually have Tim being 3 at the circus, so I guess he's 11-12 when this happens.
I think the fact that Dick was the only Robin in this scenario means that Tim is more reluctant to push himself as a replacement Robin. That and the fact that his HERO Dick Grayson died means I think that he's slower to act.
Eventually though, things get bad enough in Gotham that he does just because someone has to and he ends up as Robin. We'll handwave the details for now.
I think that Dick should get to come back to life during the Knightfall Saga. As a treat.
He comes back to Gotham just in time to see that there's a new Robin and watch Bruce get his back broken.
Tim's been Robin longer before Knightfall in this AU, so he's got a little more experience, but he's also 14, and while Bruce is lying in the Batcave and they don't know whether he's going to wake up or not, and he's fetching the medicine in that one comic, he runs into this unknown, edgy looking vigilante who blames him for Bruce getting his back broken and it's just everything he's been thinking to himself.
Dick sticks around in Gotham long enough to see that there's a new Batman and of course Bruce has someone else he can get to do that. Of course he doesn't need Dick. He runs off to go do like, black-ops vigilante work somewhere.
I think he and Tim do run into eachother once more before Dick leaves town though and Tim's like 'I know I'll never be as good as the first Robin, but that just means I need to learn everything I can' and tries to bother Dick into teaching him stuff because he can tell that this mysterious vigilante is way more skilled than him.
Dick mostly avoids Gotham, but I think they keep running into each other, coincidentally. Tim ends up teaming up with him during Contagion instead of Catwoman and they're both in Paris at the same time etc etc.
And eventually on one of these team-ups, Dick does a quadruple somersault and Tim sees it and everything clicks together and he imminently runs away because that's Dick Grayson and Tim has been talking up the first Robin all this time and it's a lot okay?
I think this is about when No Man's Land happens so Tim goes to go hide in Gotham and help out Batman and become a National News story and all that jazz instead of thinking about it.
But afterwards, Tim is ON THE CASE. I think he doesn't tell Bruce about this because if Dick hasn't told Bruce then he probably has his reasons? And what he was actually wrong? (Even though he knows he isn't)
And then, um, let's put the Dick and Bruce finally confronting each other during Bruce Wayne: Murderer/Fugitive because Dick comes back to Gotham when he hears that Bruce murdered someone because he doesn't want to believe it, but I think he also can't have that same bone deep belief in his innocence that he does in canon because of all the estrangement.
So he attacks Batman and demands to know the truth (without revealing who he is) and Bruce won't answer. Bruce also doesn't know how this mysterious vigilante knows he's Bruce Wayne/got accused of murder, so he low key suspects DICK of framing him, which normally he'd be too busy being Batman full time to care, but here he also recognizes some of Dick's fighting style so he starts investigating him to uncover the mystery.
Meanwhile, Tim noticed that Dick is back in town, so he's trying to recruit Dick to help him get to the bottom of this. He knows Dick's identity now, but he doesn't tell Dick that, he just drops various hints that he knows and hooks Dick up with a line to Oracle (who he has also not shared his conclusions with other than a vague 'there's something about him')
And hmm somehow this all resolves with like, Dick's identity getting out and him and Bruce talking face to face. Bruce is just so desperately amazed that Dick is there, meanwhile Dick still has various issues that are not resolved and it probably ends with Dick running away again and Bruce holding himself back from chasing after him like he desperately wants to. Because if Dick doesn't want anything to do with him then that's just his right because Bruce WAS the one who got him killed.
He does stalk Dick from afar though. Just without initiating contact. Tim and Barbara are more pushy about trying to hang out/talk with Dick in the aftermath.
To skip ahead, I think Bruce leaves Dick the Batmantle after he 'dies' as this last ditch attempt to share how much he loves and respects Dick.
And this getting long so I think I'll call it here.
#batman#dc#bats + birds + affiliated#my au ideas#tim drake#dick grayson#bruce wayne#last of the flying graysons#tim tag#utrh dick au#havendance writes#carthago delenda est
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i think one thing that's always been interesting to me is that people really believe/take for granted that the federation's goal is the islanders' happiness, when we really don't have any way of knowing if that's the truth. cucurucho says it a lot, claiming to care about islanders' happiness above all else, and it's been scattered throughout some federation lore (as well as being hinted at with the reset cinematics), but that doesn't mean it's actually true-- it could still be a smokescreen of what they really want. which, imo, is not happiness.
if it's all one big experiment, supposedly one of many, the idea that this one is the one that involves seeing what happens when islanders are happy is not a provable thing still, nor is it clear what that actually means to the federation. does happiness mean the islanders are content to remain on the island? does happiness mean building relationships and connecting with others? does happiness mean self-fulfillment (something deeply immeasurable)? it's not clear what it means to the federation, nor if that is their true goal. it could be that that has nothing to do with their goal, and is a complete misdirect. it could be that cucurucho's prime directive is the islanders' happiness (not that it's very good at that), but that's meant as a tactic to stymie islander curiosity/resistance. it could be any number of things.
and i think viewing it from a more meta lens of "we cannot tell what is or is not the truth; not only are all character povs biased but so is the larger narrative presented to us." i think comparing this framework to something like the good place is helpful, in that when you assume that what you're presented with is the truth and don't look at the setting critically, you will miss the fact that things presented to you as fact by any kind of source (including the framework of the medium itself or the established setting) are suspect and should be examined further.
i can even put it in a smaller way; there are ways within a limited character pov to present things as directly happening when they are not, and these are ways that mcrp creators have utilized. playing out an event that did not actually happen, canonical hallucinations, dream sequences that are not explained as such, physical representations of metaphorical experiences, etc. etc. are ALL things that mcrp creators of done. tricking your audience is an incredibly interesting and at times vital part of mcrp. so if just one creator within their own pov can do it, why can't the whole narrative? why can't you be convinced you're in a different genre, why can't you be convinced that the physical location your characters are placed in is someplace that isn't?
all this to say, i think a major issue in terms of analyzing media like this is allowing yourself to go along with assumptions without thinking about why you're falling so easily into them as truth. making all of your lore assumptions based off the notion that it is objective fact that the federation cares about and has the goal of islanders' happiness means you are going to miss details and fixate on others without looking at the full scope of possibilities. which i think was a serious issue during the height of investigation/mystery stuff-- people fell into the trap of "i KNOW this to be true" without considering the man behind the curtain. sure, cellbit found documents indicating that the federation was founded on isla quesadilla-- considering who sent him on the trail of said documents, who's to say that that's the truth?
i think bagi is a particularly interesting investigator when it comes to this kind of thing-- she's VERY good at holding onto a lot of different possibilites in her mind, even going so far as to act on a lot of them at once, and that means she doesn't take anything for granted. having all of the data in front of you, without attempting to skew it to a theory you already have in mind (which i admit is very difficult to do! humans are biased and are geared towards pattern recognition), is an important skill when it comes to any kind of data analysis or investigation.
anyway idk where i was going with this i just started thinking about like. what is involved in good theorizing and how focusing on something you believe to be fact can lead you in the wrong direction, and i think the idea of the islander's happiness as the federation's main goal is one of those very fraught assumptions people get caught up in.
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Outsmarting the Ego: The Physics of Evil
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Some thoughts about Ch 419 - character agency and origin
I'm way behind, but wanted to add my 2c on the debate relating to the AFO "twist" and what it means for Tenko to have AFO at the core of his existence. It made me think once again of the Shouto-Shigaraki parallels .
I didn't take it quite as bad as some of the fandom, because:
we kind of already knew AFO was behind it, we just didn't know the full extent
unlike a lot of people, I didn't think that Tenko being saved by vestige magic hugs, sidestepping Tomura's adult personality and going hand in hand with child!Izuku to fight the big bad would have been a good conclusion.
I also don't think that Tenko not having any agency is necessarily a bad thing. You see, my favourite character, Shouto is a lot like Tenko. His birth, his quirk, the loss of his family, every trauma that shaped him as a child leads back to Endeavor. He's born to be his weapon to use as he wishes.
His lack of agency doesn't make him a boring character. In fact, I find it fascinating how the story shows us Shouto clawing back his agency, identity inch by painful inch, until he's able to stand firm and say - so I can AFFIRM the reason for being born. So let's look at saving Shouto, because I do think it's kind of a blueprint not only for saving Tenko/Tomura, but to Tenko/Tomura rising to save others.
And if we remember Shouto's journey - yes, it starts with a moment of a hero reaching out to him, reconnecting him to his child self who was told that he can choose who he wants to be, he can be a hero.
Notice though how being reconnected to his child self, is not an insta-save. Baby!Shouto doesn't just take over UA!Shoto and erase his personality or past mistakes. Shouto himself has to do the work. He has to face his own shitty choices, like giving the cold shoulder to Inasa or not seeing his mom for a decade and try to reconcile who he is NOW after the abuse, grooming and being driven by negative feelings. Taking ownerships of his mistakes (even if the source is Endeavor) is one of the ways to emancipation.
But it's also not a straight path. Shouto experiences being faced with his childhood dream as a nerf (just like Tomura did now lose to AFO) because of the trauma and doubts he carries. He momentarily loses his will to fight.
For people who never had agency in their lives like Shoto or Tomura, the simple truth that you get to make choices is hard to internalize and the constant doubt whether it's a choice you make by yourself or are you just walking down the path your "creator" set out for you remains.
And how could it not? Shouto wants to be a hero and wants to be not like his father who is the No 1 hero now. It's a contradiction, no? And it takes Shouto 200+ chapters to come up with an answer to reconcile the tension - he wants to be a reassuring hero - something Endeavor never was. Having this goal in his mind, he's able to accept more and more of the tools his father gave him - his quirk, Endeavor's techniques, even gear that looks like his father's - because as long as he's rooted in his own will, his own goal, he gets to keep his own identity, he gets to affirm his reason.
This is why I want not some idealized child Tenko to vanquish AFO. I think it's much more powerful if the person who makes a return is Tomura (who is also Tenko, but I use Tomura as a shorthand for his adult self, the person who he has become).
And while it's undeniable that AFO is deeply at the core of Tenko's origin (just like Endeavor is for Shouto), I also think he's gaslighting Tomura when he says Tomura never made a choice. And I'm talking about the League here specifically.
The bonds Tomura created with Touya, Toga, Spinner, Compress, Twice, Magne, etc - are fully choices he made. AFO let it happen - but the League (a place for outcasts to be accepted) are Tomura's choices.
Just as for Shoto the friends he made are instrumental in him earning his agency, being able to affirm his existence and not crumble from tragedy, the LoV is the key for Tomura to start to claw back his own.
And that's why I think it's narratively desirable for them to be part of Tomura's endgame (also to mirror Deku who would be fully an OFA/All Might creation if not for the friends and allies he made for himself and who all come to his aid in the end).
The League is also the place where the Tenko/Tomura faultlines can be reconciled into a whole. Tenko's desire to be heroic (to play with the outcasts) and Tomura's desire to stand with his allies/friends (the villains). So it boils down into a moment of wanting to be the Hero of the Villains. That's Tomura affirming himself right there. This is not AFO's path for him, but it's him reintegrating everything he has become, his truths and understanding of the world, his bonds that shaped him into that childhood dream. (It's like Shouto's "reassuring hero" moment).
And I think Tomura losing himself to the trauma, PTSD, etc. momentarily is ok too. He lost the rage that drove him forward (like Shouto in the final of the Sport Festival) and is untethered right now. He will need to find a positive emotion to become his drive to take him forward.
But his power will surface with the right trigger, just like Shouto showing up at the Stain fight wielding his newly liberated fire to help Deku was the real pay-off for their Sport Festival fight. (But only after Shouto digged deep inside himself and went to face his mother, face the existence he was given and the hurt it caused to his family with the actual reality.).
I think Tomura will also need a "deep dive" to compare his perception of the world to the current reality. Is society as passive and worthless as his perception of it? The heroes all fighting together, the civilians pitching in feels like there is a change compared to the passive hero society he remembers. But I think the real trigger should be / will be the LoV coming in. Because is it true that AFO made him choose them?
The LoV despite their bonds being real and deep couldn't save each other because they were all spiralling deep in their own traumas. But now Toga and Touya also had their own moments of reconnecting with their child self and having that child's original desire fulfilled (for Tenko - a hero came, for Touya - his family watched him, for Toga - someone accepted her as normal) but of course it's not a magic solution.
Because that moment would have saved the child they were, but not enough for their current selves. They will also have to make their own choices going forward. I think all of them can find the reason to face AFO now - Toga still wants to protect the things she likes, Touya maybe able to move beyond his father's reasons and look for his own, but not from a revenge perspective, Spinner is loyal, Compress I think will also come.
How, you ask? Well, Kurogiri is still black with bits of white. He still has in him the conditioning to protect Tomura, but also infused with Shirakumo's genuine care. I think just like Oboro helped the heroes to round up everyone, Kurogiri will round up Tomura's allies.
And once they are there, Tomura will rise up to them and will be the hero of the villains, joining forces with Deku and everyone to finally finish off AFO (and maybe save his friends). Because even with the little agency he had over his life, those choices were his alone, and he will be able to root his identity in that.
#bnha meta#bnha 419#tomura shigaraki#lov#todoroki shouto#afo#shouto shigaraki parallels#bnha parallels#shimura tenko#class1a reads bnha
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I was watching Commander Pierce, today and had some thoughts. I feel like, this is one of those episodes where the viewer is supposed to think Hawkeye is being a jerk with his "leadership style," and how he overdid it etc. etc. but the more I think about it... the more I feel bad for him. I don't think he was actually at fault here as much as initially thought.
Hawkeye knows who he is. He knows what his faults are and doesn't try to pretend they aren't there. He even says he isn't fit to lead. His insignia is a cringing chicken. He doesn't know how to give orders. He legitimately gives every reason putting him in charge is a bad idea - and not one person takes him seriously. I feel like sometimes, throughout the show, this theme reappears. People don't listen or take Hawkeye seriously because he says things in such a way that makes it sound like he's cracking a joke - but behind every joke there is some semblance of truth. And it feels like an argument could be made that that particular consideration isn't often awarded to Hawkeye. It's the exact opposite of BJ - who delivers a lot of very telling statements calmly and collected and no one pays any attention. Like when BJ says in Our Finest Hour that the war has made him angry, and we all act surprise (the only person who doesnt is Hawkeye) when he lashes out in BJ Papa San. It's the same idea. They aren't taken seriously, and that feels like the most dehumanizing thing, which in turn feels like commentary on soldiers/draftees in general. They are just chess pieces in one large game that never seems to end.
But anyway, Hawkeye doesn't think he can lead, but he really is a natural leader. He leads by example and by not following protocol. By thumbing his nose at rules and regulations - and that is actually working until the influx of wounded and the lack of physical hands available to help. So he defaults to the only option readily available to him. The "army way". There are rules and regulations and standard operation procedures, that in theory, are supposed to help lead. They are supposed to be ways to get themselves to the other side of a situation. So Hawkeye tries to abide by them, use them to his advantage, but with people who are conditioned - by Hawkeye himself and commanding officers continuously allowing it to happen - to NOT play by the book. So what do they do? They lash out at Hawkeye. They make him out to be the worst leader and doing a terrible job - which isn't entirely fair to him.
Hawkeye didn't have the confidence in his own natural abilities to lead and to get them through everything, and fell victim to thinking the "army way" was designed to actually help.
And while I think BJ was honest upon his return, and did exactly what "Captain Pierce" would've done, I don't think he was actually mad at Hawkeye or "Commander Pierce." I think it's one of those situations where he wasn't mad, just disappointed. I like to believe (re: it's possible and I'm in no way saying this is absolutely what happened but it's open for interpretation) BJ was the first person (maybe the only person) to recognize that Hawkeye would've done just fine if he had led as himself and not tried to be the exact thing he normally despised.
Thanks for coming to my messy MASH talk.
#commander pierce#analysis#i dumped all this on bard and thought it wasn't really terrible#but i still don't want to tag it in multiple ways in fear it gets ripped to shreds because#as always i'm here for a thirsty time not an intelligent one
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How do you think Amy was affected by being the only living human to know of the elves?
-🦢 anon
We've seen a little of how it affected her--for example, she'd mentioned keeping an eye out in the news for happenings that might be Lost Cities related. I'd imagine she's also constantly wondering if what she knows (history) is the truth, and comparing her home to the cleanliness, crime-free (mostly), vibrant Lost Cities. That she's more critical and questioning as a whole
I think for her this is also very tied to being the only one to remember Sophie, which is even more impactful. Not only is she keeping elves/ogres/etc. secret from everyone, including her parents (who she has a good relationship with). She has to live with the fact her parents don't remember they had another daughter, that said daughter is in constant danger--they don't even remember their own kidnapping.
So any emotional turmoil Amy has from her parents being taken and tortured while she lived alone with strangers she has to deal with on her own--or to reach back out to the elven world, but she's not supposed to have a lot of contact.
She lives playing a role that is both her and slightly not. Responding to a different name, with different friends, and a family that will never be what it used to. Acting like it's all she's ever known.
I imagine the immersion means she loses herself in it sometimes, but other times she wonders if everything's okay with Sophie. If the elves are at war, and if it'll reach her world. What she can do if it does
She's in a position of immense powerlessness, and she knows it. She tries to overcome it, but the world is so much bigger than before now, and she can only do so much. That has to take its toll, even if its worth it to remember who she is
#kotlc#kotlc character analysis#amy foster#quil's queries#🦢 nonsie#long post#also i know amy's a different person but if i found out magical creatures existed and I was just a simple human#not only that but my ONLY SISTER was inhuman?#that would devastate me#she was a byproduct of sophie's creation#that would fuck me UP dude#let me innnn to the fantasy clubb
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The night when these stars sigh
Joel Miller x Male Reader
Request - pedro pascal characters but if u do i was wondering if i could request a male reader x the mandalorian or joel miller (up to you) that’s based on the song open arms (solo version) by sza. the request wouldn’t be a song fic it would just be the story the song is telling.
•
if u follow the song exactly it’s mostly angsty but u can do whatever u want with the request, fluff, smut, etc. i don’t mind. thank u any way 🫶
You and Joel started dating three years ago, and you and Joel fell for each other fast. You never had strong feelings for anyone before and you opened up to him and told stuff about yourself that you never told anyone. Joel did open up to you and he felt happy when you were next to him. You and Joel always spend time together, learning everything about each other then you and Joel say those three words to each other.
You and Joel went to the cabin in the woods for the weekend. But you notice he is acting strange again, but you ignore the signs because you are in love. He isn't affectionate like before, but you figured he was having an off day. You sit next to him and hold his hand but seconds later he gets up and moves and you don't say anything. You watch him go outside towards the lake. Joel wanted to say something but hesitated to tell you. He doesn't know how to start the conversation and he just becomes more distant.
Hours later, Joel did notice you stopped being affectionate with him.
“Whatever is bothering you, you can talk to me about it,” You said.
“Nothing is bothering me, Y/N,” Joel said.
“Joel, I know when you are lying but okay we won't talk about it,” You said.
You and Joel know each other very well. During dinner, you and Joel didn't say a word to each other. You went to bed early but he didn't sleep next to you, he fell asleep in the living room.
———-
The next day, you and Joel started to have a good time by the lake. But you didn't mention yesterday because you didn’t want to ruin the moment. Joel kissed you on the lips then you and Joel went into the water.
“Are you having a good time?” Joel asked.
“Yeah, I’m having fun today. What about you? I thought you weren't going to get in the water” You said.
“I changed my mind, Y/N,” Joel said.
“Yeah,” You said.
Later, you and Joel sat on the dock to watch the lake. You wanted to hold his hand but he moved it away and you didn't say anything. Joel feels bad for moving his hand away but he had to do it, he noticed you are acting different around him but he doesn't blame you.
While walking back to the cabin, Joel doesn't walk next to you. He is walking in front of you and you sigh, the good time went away. While at the cabin, you tried to kiss him but he moved away.
“Joel, what is wrong with you?” You asked.
“Y/N, I-”
“Tell me the truth, Joel! You are different around me, why” You said.
“Y/N, we can't be together anymore. You should be with someone else, this won't work between us” Joel said.
“Are you fucking serious? Why did you make me open up to you? Or why say I love you!?” You said.
“I’m sorry, Y/N but this has to end between us. You deserve to be happy with someone else” Joel said.
“We have been together for three years going on four. If you didn't want this then why you didn't leave me alone from the beginning. You knew that I been hurt before in the past. Out of all the people in the world, i didn't expect you to hurt me, Joel Miller��� You said.
You are doing everything to hold back your tears, but he did notice your tears. His eyes are watery and he does care about you.
“I thought I could make you happy and give you what you wanted but I can't. I’m sorry for hurting you, Y/N I’m really sorry. But we don't belong together” Joel said.
“Screw you. I fell in love with you but now I see that you never truly loved me. I’m so stupid to actually think someone would truly love me” You said.
“You deserve to be loved -”
“Save it! Don’t give me that fucking speech, how I deserve to be loved. I gave everything of myself to you. And you do this to me after three fucking years!” You yelled.
“Y/N… I’m sorry. I don't want to lose you, I still want you in my life. I want to be your friend” Joel said.
“Go to hell, Joel. I have enough friends” You cried.
You walk away and he doesn't go after you. He heard the bedroom door slam hard and you sat on the bed and cried. Joel sits on the chair and wipes the tears away.
An hour later, you packed your clothes. You take out your cell phone and block his phone number. You struggled to delete every picture of you and him together, but you did it. You sighed and you tried to hold back your tears again. You grab all your clothes and put them in the duffle bag, now you hate yourself for falling in love and opening up to someone. It was your first time falling in love and opening up to someone.
You left through the back door in the kitchen. Joel didn't notice that you left and you didn't bother to say goodbye. You walked towards the highway and a stranger gave you a ride to the bus station. Joel gets and heads upstairs and he doesn't see you. He started to look for by the lake then back to the cabin and he cried again. Now he knows that he lost you forever and you would never forgive him.
✯ ✫ ✯ ✫
Joel hasn't seen you since that day at the cabin. He did search for you but he had no luck finding you. He just wants to make sure you are okay and he felt sad when you blocked his phone number. You and Joel don't have the same friends and he went to your apartment, but the landlord told him that you moved away. But he started to panic because there was a post-outbreak virus in town and everywhere else. He is hoping that you are safe and he starts to wish, that he could contact you.
#joel miller x male reader#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller imagine#x male reader#male!reader#male reader#male reader fanfic#male reader insert#the last of us imagine
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thinking abt how.......maybe when mike blurted out he loved el and actually said it...... he realised he didn't actually feel that way abt her so couldn't say it from that point on bc................bc....bc friends don't lie.........................
#like maybe he WAS fully convinced his feelings for el were romantic up until that point but after that he's been acting off bc he Knows now#idk im just trying to make it all work in context#what if they don't like the truth etc etc#like i just cant accept that this is just mike being bad with words and he'll say it in vol 2 like LAAAAME................#like he's not *that* bad. he's just bad with THAT word. yea yea his parents don't say it bc they don't love eachother etc#but what abt the stancy parallel then !
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director Rob Bowman on the hallway scene in The X-Files: Fight the Future
(1999 DVD audio commentary) — “ 'I need you, I need you.' That’s a theme of the movie – Mulder needs Scully. And never before has he come to that understanding quite so strongly as he does in this story. So she’s running because she’s afraid that he’s going to talk her out of it, and so the best thing she can do is hit the elevator button and go, go, go. She never makes it. That’s her first mistake.
And Mulder also knows that that’s where she’s headed, is out the door. So he’s got to tell her why it is that she’s so important to him, and tell her once and for all that in fact the whole time that the two of them have been together that she has made him better, that she has made him feel not like an outcast, not like discarded FBI trash, but somebody worthy of her friendship, and that, as he says, has made him a whole person.
So in a scene filled with such virtue, people expressing their highest thoughts and feelings towards each other, you come to a sort of pinnacle of respect and mutual admiration that it leads to an intimate moment that neither of them expect, or were working towards. It just sort of happens. You just keep arguing and arguing, then suddenly it’s not an argument, it’s 'We’re for each other, we’re for each other.' And we come to the opportunity of the kiss for the first time. But it’s not out of lust, it’s not out of any of the obvious reasons, or typical reasons. It’s out of just absolute overwhelming respect for each other. Out of that respect becomes an emotional response, where you transcend logic and thinking and it becomes more visceral and human.
The only place for him to go, in my mind, to express the next thought is to kiss her. And how do we do that in The X-Files fashion? Which is, you never give them anything that they want. You just lead them down the road and say 'Ah, that’s all you get.' And then, because of the bee, the moment is abrupt and abbreviated and stops short of the zenith that the audience is wanting.
But we don’t want to end by cheating the audience. We’d like to at least add up in parts a kiss. So there’s the idea, in the spaceship where Mulder is trying to rescue Scully, and just when they get to the vent exit, she collapses again, and she passes out and she’s not breathing. What do you do when somebody’s not breathing? You give them mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. So you’ve got the intention of the kiss and the physical act of them touching mouths. I believe in Chris’s mind the idea was you take those two, add ‘em together, that’s a kiss. Sort of in frustrating X-Files fashion that’s a kiss. And I think obviously there’s more gained for the audience out of the hallway kiss, and I don’t think anybody really walked out thinking, 'Well, they sort of did, because if you add the two together…' but it doesn’t matter because the idea is they were going to. As a story point, that counts as the kiss. They didn’t stop themselves, something else entered the scene and interrupted them, so…"
#''in frustrating x-files fashion'' do u hear me laughing? no? that's because I'm not#anyway. I do like what he says here tho <3#about the moment creeping up on them unexpectedly. the respect for each other as the base of their love. they didn't stop themselves etc.#and in all honesty. 'you never give them what they want' IS the x files fashion. and that's why the scene works this way#'they' being mulder and scully. they don't get what they want (the truth) only little bits of it without real resolve. and#that's why it's good that they didn't truly kiss and I will die on that hill i guess sfkfjs#txf#fight the future#*
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Understanding 18th Century
There's a prevailing problem I've noticed in interpreting frev: people not really understanding that this was 18th century. Oh, they understand it on an intellectual level, but they still apply today's worldview to it. And you can't do that if you wish to understand wtf was going on.
(This is not about anyone here nor a shade at anyone in particular. Just a trend I've noticed, especially in bad takes).
All historical periods have this problem where people interpret things from the point of view of our own time. So that's hardly special about frev and 18c. But a tricky part is that 18c saw the development of things that we still use today (constitutions, voting system, etc.) that it may seem like it's more similar to our world than it actually was.
For example. The voting system. They had it and so do we. Except they were assholes who didn't allow women to vote. (Which is fair criticism, but people often forget that not all men had the right to vote either - so any criticism of exclusion should take that into account. Was it really about women per se, or about their ideas on who can and cannot make a free and rational vote? What is that they saw wrong about women and certain men voting? - Their attitude sure sucks, but if we ask these questions we understand better what was going on vs just going "sexist men", which only explains part of the issue). Or: journalism. They had political slander and so do we. But uuugh, their slander was so openly personal and often ridiculed someone's looks/sexual practices in supposedly serious political attacks - wtf was that? Or: trials. Of course we all know how trials are supposed to be done and what kind of arguments/evidence they should include. The fact they focused so much on character slander is incorrect and ridiculous, and...
Stop. Instead of assuming that they "did it incorrectly", think about: 1) how we do these things today is a product of decades/centuries of development; they didn't have that. They were only inventing it for the first time. 2) They did stuff according to their cultural beliefs. If they focused so much on character assassination as an argument, it means it was significant for their worldview.
You might not like it (and fair enough) but it's not possible to understand what was going on unless we understand how they thought and what they knew and what their worldview was. Which is not easy. It's not simply about knowing the state of scientific thought or what they believed about the world. Understanding how this affected the way they thought and how they interpreted things, or how they build meaning and conclusions - none of that is easy. But we have to question our assumptions, even if we're unable to see things from their pov. Because that's the only way not to arrive at wrong conclusions.
Similarly, many terms what they used had a different meaning to how they are used today (or, at least, they were understood in ways dissimilar to how we use them). Concepts such as despotism, tyranny, dictator, terror; also some seemingly easy to understand terms like "being a moderate" or even "patriotism". If we assume 18th century people used them in the same way that we do, we won't be able to understand wtf they are talking about.
#this is not about 18c or frev specifically#but it's a good example#many bad takes about frev include this lack of understanding#coupled with interpreting past with present#and it's bad#and hey it's not just about frev#royalism too#like i am not a fan of louis or marie antoinette but their actions too have to be interpreted from 18th century worldview#like of course they did stuff that they did#they fought for what they believed in their souls was the truth#natural hierarchies aming humans and the monarch's right to rule etc.#and many of people - not just rich and powerful- also believed that#i don't think any of that is good but it was a worldview they operated under#so to understand their actions we need to know that#or anyone's action#not to excuse it but to understand wtf was going on#because applying our understanding cannot explain it#frev#french revolution
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when u've just been through the most harrowing experience of your life (your brother lied to you) (and also u got a gf) and then have no idea what the end fight of the movie is about even though you're the main character of like, life,
(source)
#AU where Thor assumes off what Loki is saying that he's the adopted one and Loki is freaking out because of the stresses of being heir#like oh that's terrible Loki I'm sorry everything got dropped on you like that at once I'm so sorry here I'll help you adjust to kingship#which inadvertently ends up with Thor calming Loki enough for him to stop the bifrost plot and no longer thinking he would kill him#Thor like I don't care if we're not blood and in hindsight i treated you terrible thinking I was going to be king and wage wars and such#and Loki starts talking about how he killed Laufey (again with NO CONTEXT loki buddy get a grip)#and Thor is like oh surely that was traumatic having to slay the enemy king for the good of Asgard... I will vouch for you luring him Loki#etc.#Language!#L!#Sif and the Warriors 3 will not fare well with Thor supporting his brother as king i think dksjfvhsdbf after all their effort sajdkf#whenever Odin wakes up Thor confronts them and asks who his real parents are and Odin and Frigga are like >.> 'i didn't tell him' <.<#maybe he phrases it like ''i would like to hear the truths of our parentage from you yourselves'' so they're like uh oh
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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step 1 of watching suits: haha fun plot! look at this little guy pretending to be a law school graduate. yeah this won't have any consequences whatsoever
step 2 of watching suits: oh this little guy and that bigshot lawyer have some good chemistry. yeah they're both committing a crime by having him work at this new york big law firm but it's fun :)
step 3 of watching suits: they're actually facing consequences to their actions now, but oh god i don't want to see either of them lose. yes, they did something terrible but don't we all want to feel a bit special. don't we all feel stuck. doesn't our own ambition swallow us whole. don't we feel insanely loyal to the person who gave us everything. we're going down together. if you go, i go.
#caroline watches tv#suits#anyways. biting them. shaking them.#staring at the characters and laughing nervously because yes i know that they're doing awful things#but also i feel so much for them#i do feel quite a bit for mike because it's like. that frustration of knowing you could have been someone but then something happened#and you were shunted out of a life that you always wanted to have. and you're scrambling to get it back. you're trying so hard.#and when someone presents it to you on a silver platter. yeah you're gonna take it.#and also like. harvey.#like. yes he's morally grey or morally bankrupt (depending on who you ask) but it's like. you're this giant of an attorney who never loses#and you recruit this guy who you know is lying but you're never going to give up on him. you don't want anyone to leave you but you also#don't know how to ask anyone to stay.#which isn't much of an excuse for like. helping commit fraud.#but also. harvey can pretend he doesn't need anyone but the most pathetic truth is that he needs people so badly#and he has no idea what to do with that.#and tbh. i think when he saw mike. he saw a glimmer of something real and earnest and immediately decided to keep him.#and there's so much irony in that? the most genuine person he's ever known is also someone who's going to defraud an entire law firm#something tragic about that but also something so intriguing. anyways i'm normal about this show#i'm normal about them. etc.
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(kind of replying to gabi here) i think. people are either radically accepting or they aren't.... okay it's complicated but in general i think someone either tries to keep an open mind and understands that sexuality is inherently transgressive and we don't choose what excites us or what kind of fictional relationships/people we're preoccupied with as a result of our personal histories and trusts people to be smart enough to not be shaken by depictions of immorality ((and also!! trusts themself to find the people who are good In The Real World or as a friend or a companion in life or whatever we want to call it.. bc insecurity often comes from "how will i know if my friends are morally good and i won't be excluded from the moral community bc it turned out my friends are shitty or they break social norms. and how will i be protected from my friends' potential wickedness"))..... or they aren't like this and then we never belonged to the same group
#:P i reckon.#like by definition posers don't exist. because i have my principles and if you have those you don't get fooled so easily#my only principles are don't be a hypocrite and try to be nice though. i feel that's all anyone can ask of#another person: be truthful and care about others and try for others to improve. recognize your flaws etc#within that you can read or watch or roleplay anything you want anything at all. it's all grey and not black and white and that must be#accepted#but that's just a theory A GAME THEORY (← what i say instead of saying that's just my opinion)#kata.txt
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[TUVOKTOBER: Day 20]
Workforce.
TEXT:
"I know this must be confusing for you but you're ill, very ill, and you must accept that reality if we're to have any hope of treating you. You're suffering from a syndrome on which I happen to be an expert. You say you remember me and I don't doubt it - what you're experiencing now is a relapse. I helped you before and I could help you again if you'd just-"
A great, near overwhelming sense of shame and error washes over Tuvok as he realizes that he's begun to cry. It's the same sense that something is dreadfully wrong which has plagued him for the past few days - that he is wrong. That something terrible has been done to him. That he is behaving shamefully. But even as he feels this there is a stronger feeling, rising above all else: DO NOT TRUST THIS MAN.
"…If you'd just listen to me. All this nonsense, all this turmoil. Don't you want it to end? Don't you want help? I can't help you if you're going to act like this. You're one standing in the way of your own treatment, I'm sorry to say. I hope, with time, you'll see that."
END.
THOUGHTS:
Based on this line from 'Workforce'
But it did also remind me of that scene in 'Plato's Stepchildren' where Spock was forced to laugh and cry and seemed both distraught and enraged by it. That and the fact that Ravoc says Tuvok accused them of 'stealing his katra' - essentially his soul, tells me that this is a very difficult thing for Tuvok. Not only was he brainwashed to forget about his old life but he was made to act in a way he'd find shameful, antithetical to the person he is and has worked hard to be. It's like a double loss almost since for Vulcans, their control is a very important part of their identity.
I wonder what the process of returning to himself again was like for him. It's not only remembering the details of his old life but mastering his emotions once again - something we've seen in both Spock & T'Pol is difficult for Vulcans to do once they've begun expressing and experiencing emotions without the blunt distancing of logic.
#rambling under the cut#st voyager#st voyager fanart#tuvoktober#Tuvok#st voyager workforce#bea art tag#angst! angst! angst!#Tuvok lowkey went through the goddamn ringer this episode#no resolution to that either#spent most of the episode trying to uncover what the hell was going on - trying to warn his fellow crewmates - getting captured and#drugged etc etc and then he' literally has no lines after that. The episode also has almost no allusions to Janeway & Tuvok's friendship#which I feel was really a missed opportunity. Instead it's preoccupied with two romance plotlines.#I get why they did that but c'mon...you couldn't even have it mentioned? Like by Chakotay when he's trying to get Janeway to remember?#Or at the very end? It could've easily been a Chakotay-Janeway-Tuvok thing. BOTH Tuvok & Chakotay were working to try to reveal the truth#and help Janeway + the crew but it's just a Janeway-Chakotay thing in the end bc they're doing a romance. WHATEVER.#other than that & the fact that I don't care about one romance and hate the other one - Workforce is such a good episode to me <3
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