Alright, here are my Top Ten funniest guesses (+1 that I bet nobody ELSE will guess) for who Inquisitor Marrok actually is!

You are most welcome to correct me or let me know who YOU think is most probable.

And just to challenge myself, I’m NOT putting Ezra. Because that would be too obvious.

1. Barriss Offee

I’m serious when I say that this is probably the most likely.

We know that she is a very important character in Ahsoka’s life, the writers could be trying to mislead us into thinking that the Force User is a man when really we have no confirmation that they are. Plus Dave Filoni has said in interviews that he refused to have the character make cameos just because he wanted to save her for later. Also, many people already speculated that Barriss became an Inquisitor after Order 66, explaining the double-sided Inquisitor lightsaber.

2. Darth Maul

Their build is a little too skinny for Darth Maul, and also wow, he must really be getting up there. And also, he died in Rebels. But when has that really ever stopped Disney from resurrecting him? I just think they should keep bringing him back. For the bit. I want the opening scroll for the upcoming Daisy Ridley movie to contain the words “Somehow, Darth Maul returned…”

3. Bo Katan

I highly doubt this because her character arc on the Mandalorian is already concluded, but I can kinda see her doing this as like, a side gig. Homegirl is probably broke from paying off Mandalore’s restoration fees. She’s not a Force User unfortunately, but when has that ever stopped her? I like to believe that Bo Katan simply woke up one day and decided to be Force Sensitive and it all kinda worked out for her somehow.

4. Lux Bonteri

If this is the option David Filoni is going with, BOOO. Yet another character who isn’t Force Sensitive. If you really think about it, Dave Filoni probably wants to include someone with an important history with Ahsoka, someone close to her that she held dear and that betrayed her and that she still has lingering feelings for.

Well actually that person is Barriss, and yknow, she kinda went MIA. Sooo the next best thing we could get is Lux, I guess!

5. Anakin (Force Ghost)

Daaaad, what are you doing here?

Well, the ghosts of Obi-Wan and Yoda told him to fuck off and get a job. So here he is. He’s putting in the work! He’s logging onto his Zoom! Ahsoka is gonna be sooo surprised when he finally takes off the mask and reveals it was him along. Just you wait! It’s gonna be so funny!

6. Korkie Kryze

Now we’re really starting to get big brained here.

In Legends, we have Jacen Solo. In the sequels, we have Kylo Ren.

But in the Brand New Republic era? Hark, a new villain arises. Korkie is embittered about being left behind and forgotten by his biological parents, Satine and Obi-Wan. And now he is out for revenge against all the Force Users and Mandalorians who abandoned him. Mwahahaha. We should’ve known he would turn out like this, he’s a ginger after all.

7. Ventress

This would technically make Dark Disciple non-canon? But I don't think Dave Filoni cares, considering he hilariously made the Ahsoka novel non-canon. Ventress is obviously very powerful and capable of dual-wielding and she would make a great candidate for an Inquisitor. Plus her and Morgan Elsbeth are both former Nightsisters so points for rapport.

8. Anakin’s Evil Clone

Hey, I mean Palpatine HAD to start somewhere, right? He didn’t just create Snoke without practice. I like to think he tried making a second Anakin at first, only to discover that Clonakin was a huge pain in the ass and doesn’t wanna follow orders just sit on the couch all day eating the space equivalent of Hot Cheetos.

9. Cal Kestis but he’s evil now

This one pretty much goes against everything we know about Cal but hey, I’ll take a live action Cal cameo any day now. I’ve been on the frontlines defending my babygirl Anakin since day one, don’t even try to lecture me about the ethics of stanning Darksider Cal.

9. Mara Jade

OK no more messing around!! I'm serious this time!

EVERYONE LISTEN CLOSELY!

I think the reason why Dave hasn't made any references to Eli, or Ar'alani, or Vahnya must be because he grew up on the 80s Legends trilogy (not the canon trilogy). Whenever Thrawn is mentioned, there is a direct reference to Heir to the Empire. The same novel where Mara Jade is introduced as the Hand of the Emperor. Coincidence? I think not! Obviously, this must be part of Dave Filoni's master plan to softlaunch the upcoming top secret Thrawn series adaptation.

10. Starkiller

My only real proof is that his name (Marek, Marrok) kinda sounds similar?

Making Starkiller canon would create a whole bunch of problems for the Star Wars timeline. I think his origin story is too Mary Sue-y for even Dave Filoni to try and integrate into current canon.

However, it would be interesting to see a showdown between Anakin's two former apprentices. Interesting, but unlikely.

And finally, for my last guess, I will tell you exactly who Marrok REALLY is. Kathleen Kennedy told me personally, so don't get mad at me! She said it, not me!

11. Luuke (the clone Palpatine made out of Luke's dismembered hand)

This is the ONLY correct answer.

Us Timothy Zahn enjoyers know that this was really Luuke all along. I told you, Snoke isn't the first clone that Palpatine made! I imagine he had a lot of downtime and got bored and decided to fuck around, and that's how we got Luuke.

And yes, I would cast Sebastian Stan to play him because I'm petty AF.

It all started with Doc bursting into Xisuma’s office. Xisuma had just been about to take a sip of his tea, but a shard of the door landed directly in his mug, and he decided against it.

“Hello, Doc.” Xisuma said, putting down the mug sadly. “What’s up, dude?”

“That beady-eyed birdie and his smirking friend have me at my wits end!” Doc began pacing back and forth over the now-broken door. “They broke my machine, and giggled like little school children while showing me what they’d done!”

Xisuma hummed. “Beady-eyed… oh, you mean Grian and Scar! Yeah, I heard about that, what an unfortunate situation! I heard through the grapevine that you’re going to kill them, and badly. Sounds like fun.” He looked over Doc as he paced and cursed. Doc looked ruffled, lab coat in even more disarray then usual, and his crocs missing the straps. And on top of his head…

“Are the cat ears a… statement, or something?” Xisuma asked.

“Huh?” Doc felt for his head and tore the ears off with a growl. “Ah, fuck those ScarLand ears, forgot they were there.” He threw them into the garbage can by the door- he missed, and the cat ears just kind of flopped to the ground.

“Doc, I can see that you’re upset.” Xisuma held out a placating hand. “But is there a reason you came to my office? I know you’re more than capable of dealing with them yourself.”

Doc puffed out his chest at the complement. “Yes, yes, of course I am. I came here to ask a favor of you. You see, I have a plan- well, me and the hivemind have created something of deadly proportions. But the machine will take time to plan and build. I need someone to tell them off now, so they don’t forget that they were bad.”

Xisuma frowned. “Doc, it sounds like you think that Grian and Scar are children with no sense of object permanence or guilt.”

“They are children- look what they’ve done, and giggling the whole time!” Doc raged. “And they need to be disciplined like such until I can get to them.” He gave Xisuma an almost evil look that had him wondering if he would have to pay off the Minecraft board of ethics to look the other way for this DocM payback.

Doc seemed to have planned for Xisuma’s trepidation, and tossed a stack of diamond ore blocks onto his desk. “Please, man. I need time, and they must know of their crimes.”

“You know, I think I have just the person for the job.” Xisuma said, pocketing the diamonds. “They’ll leave Grian and Scar feeling very sorry for themselves indeed. You go do your planning, now, let me handle this.”

Doc cracked a smile. “Yeah? Awesome, thanks man.” He left, picking up the cat ears on the way out and stuffing them into his pocket.

Xisuma sighed at the state of his office, but picked up his communicator and made a call.

——

“Sit.”

“Already sat.” Scar said cheerfully.

“Not you, Scar, I was talking to Grian.” Xisuma replied, and gestured for Grian towards a wooden chair he’d placed under the HHH pavilion at spawn. Grian sat down, and Scar positioned his chair next to him.

“What’s going on, X?” Grian asked, crossing his arms and furrowing his eyebrows.

“Well, your recent actions against a certain DocM77 have not gone unnoticed.” Xisuma began, crossing his arms too.

“Oh my god.” Comprehension dawned on Grian’s face. “Are you going to lecture us on our bad behavior, X?” He began to laugh.

“What? Is that why you called us here?” Scar giggled. “Now, Xisuma, you��re a wonderful man, really, but you don’t exactly strike fear into my heart. But by all means, lecture away, tell us how bad we are. I’m sure we will be scared into being good little boys for the rest of time.” He wiggled his eyebrows at him.

“Oh, no, you see, I’m not going to be the one lecturing you.” Xisuma said with a smirk. “I’m just here as a teacher’s assistant, if you will.”

“Teacher’s assistant?” Grian asked, confused.

Scar looked at Xisuma, fear in his eyes. “Wait… you don’t mean-”

“Doc’s redstone? Really, guys?” Cleo landed on the ground in front of the pavilion, a frown firmly in place. Xisuma had to smother a laugh as he watched Grian and Scar gulp in fear at the same time. He’d had to pay Cleo thirty diamonds to come lecture Scar and Grian, but he had a distinct feeling he was in for a real show.

hello what are ur thoughts on the new hbomberguy video

OKOK SO I watched it from the hours of midnight to 4am, so I was kinda incoherent when posting that BUT I still do have thoughts.

Mainly I want to pummel James Somerton into the ground for multiple reasons, most of which H put more succinctly than I ever could.

It’s just so fucking disheartening to see someone like James Somerton be so successful off the hard work of people who have dedicated their lives to the stuff he’s ripping off of when those original authors are barely getting paid. It’s very hard to be an academic and watch this video because I know that if I were to write something academic about the queerness in media and publish it, which I plan to do out of college, there’s a very real possibility of James or someone like him finding the work, yoinking it and not giving me the credit, when I won’t get a fucking cent from the publication or him.

I hate that he’s getting away with it too, basically pulling the “I’m gay so I can’t be bad” card. That’s a fucking step BACK from the equal rights that LGBTQ people have been fighting for. By pulling this excuse, he separates the “gays” from the “straights”, putting each group under one black and white label- the straights are evil people who just want to put us gays down. That is a nasty idea right there. Follow that train far enough and you find yourself spouting homophobic rhetoric. Equal rights and seeing the LGBTQ community as equal to others means seeing them as human at ALL angles, the good and the bad. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you can’t fuck up. Hell, I’m gay, and I’ve fucked up more times than I can count! It just makes me human, and it doesn’t make me less gay. James Somerton is touting himself as The Gay Person Who Knows Everything, which is blatantly untrue, discredits every queer person he’s ripped off of, and separates himself from the other LGBTQ people who make content as “better”- there’s that seed of homophobia again.

AND HE KEEPS DOING THIS! He’s biphobic and misogynistic! He routinely attacks “straight white women”—who could very well be bisexual, but because they’re women they MUST be straight according to Somerton logic—and discredits the work of bisexual authors (mainly bisexual women) who talk about the struggles of the LGBTQ community because “they like the opposite sex so they wouldn’t get it”. He dips himself into transphobia in order to give his biphobia and misogyny some weight, misgendering ND Stevenson (who has been on record about his struggle with coming out and gender identity) and Rebecca Sugar (who has done the same) on multiple occasions. And it’s really fucking disgusting. It really fucking is. When he copies off of work that mentions the words “trans” or “transgender”, he covers those words with generalizations, which takes the transgender community out of the queer experience. So on TOP of being misogynistic and biphobic, he’s ramming headfirst into transphobia too. Which holy fucking shit.

I just. H said not to send hate to James or his team or anyone else talked about in the video on his behalf. I agree and I don’t want to do that. But I sure hope this video is enough to make James Somerton stop being the utter fucking academic supervillain he is. He thinks he can get away with it because YouTube doesn’t count as academia, but there is so much goddamn evidence against him at this point he can’t possibly get off Scot free anymore. I hope YouTube staff sees that video and takes his channel down. I hope Nick, his co-writer that he threw under the bus, gets compensated and a better job. I hope every author and filmmaker Somerton ripped off makes enough money from the video to pay for rent. This can’t keep happening. It just can’t.

Worn Out Dreams (Max x Adam)

Title: Worn Out Dreams

Summary: Adam has these nightmares from a while ago. And it's finally time to talk to Max about them.

Warning: Brief language, mentions of death and poisoning

A hug as the lights went out.

Kenny’s face on the screen, like Big Brother, watching him.

Two boots straight to the jaw.

Black umbrella to the head followed by evil laughter.

The clink of cans.

The taste of spoiled Monster.

A dirty tile floor with fading fluorescent lights…

“Adam?”

Adam’s eyes snapped open as he looked at the ceiling. Well, actually, he looked at the person hovering over him. Max. Max was here. They weren’t in the back halls of Reseda. They were in Indianapolis. Dynamite and Rampage. Not PWG.

“Everything okay?” Adam asked, working on getting his breathing under control.

“I’m fine. Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah. Yeah. I’m…I’m gonna go for a walk.” 

Adam threw back the covers and reached for his sweats. Max gently snagged his arm, stopping Adam in his tracks. He was scared to look at Max. Scared to break down when he was supposed to be Mr. Tough, Mr. Bay Bay, Mr. Perfect.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I think you should.”

“Just leave it alone Max.”

“Adam, please. Something is bugging you and…”

“I said leave it alone!”

Max let go of Adam’s arm then, causing Adam to cringe. Why did he always do this to people? 

“Max, I’m sorry, I…”

“I’m going to bed.”

Max crawled back into the bed they had just both been sharing, wrapping himself up in the blanket. Adam hesitated, wanting to go crawl back into bed and hug Max, to tell him he was sorry. But instead, he pulled on his sweats and hoodie and headed out into the hallway, closing the door quietly behind him.

****

Max didn’t think he had fallen asleep, but he must have. The sun was coming in through the sliding door that led to the balcony, blanketing the room in a soft light. Max stretched, feeling the cool sheets on Adam’s side of the bed. Max sighed, laying back against his pillow. Ever since he and Adam got together, Adam had these nightmares. And from talking to a couple of other people (namely Alex and Silver, not that he would EVER admit to talking to them), he found out that the nightmares were nothing new. He would wake up screaming, he’d be breathing heavily until the panic wore off, and then pretending nothing happened.

Max had a few snippets of what had happened to cause the nightmares, but nothing concrete. He didn’t want to pry, since this was an actual relationship and he had never really had anything like this before. But damn, he just wanted to go one night without Adam jolting awake and running away.

He finally decided to get up and go hunt down Adam and see what type of breakfast this podunk excuse for a city had to offer. He stood up and stretched and looked out the balcony door. That’s where he saw Adam sleeping. He had taken the chair from the small writing desk out there. He was folded up into it, legs resting on the balcony railing, arms wrapped around himself as he tried to stay warm. Max wrapped his robe around himself and quietly opened the balcony door.

“Adam?” Max gently touched Adam’s shoulder, making him jump and look around confused before his eyes fell on Max and he relaxed. “What the fuck are you doing out here? You’re going to catch something from this nasty Midwest air.”

“What time is it?”

“Uh, like 9 I think,” Max shrugged. “Shit man, you’re freezing. Come on back inside.”

“You sure you want me to?” Adam asked, standing and groaning as every joint in his body popped and groaned. Just another reminder that he wasn’t in his 20s anymore. Of four birthdays he never got to have, four years of holidays…

“Of course I do,” Max opened the door for him. Adam headed inside, the warmth of the room soaking into his bones. “How about I order us some room service?”

“Yeah. Uh, I’ll pay for it,” Adam set on the edge of the bed. Max rolled his eyes.

“You kidding? I’m gonna bill Tony for all this shit,” Max smirked before going to order the food. An omelet for him and the fluffiest pancakes for Adam. When he finished, he turned to look at Adam, who was staring at his bad in the corner. “You okay?”

“The dreams,” Adam started, taking a deep breath. “They’re from when I died.” Max froze.

“Died?”

“Wow, they didn’t go and brag to everyone?” Adam laughed a little.

“They? They who?”

“Kenny and the Bucks. The dysfunctional sister wives,” Adam looked at Max. “They killed me. Them and a friend that I think is dead too. Can’t even look at a can of Monster without tasting it in my mouth.” Max sat down next to Adam.

“If you don’t want to…”

“No. I need to,” Adam nodded. “I remember every little detail from that night. The type of Monster it was, the water spots on the ceiling tile, and the gear the Bucks were wearing. But then I also have these dreams of being someplace after that. Almost like a…a hell of some sort. One decorated in black and gold, with war games and regality and…fucking Roddy being there.”

“Knew he was a demon,” Max mumbled, making Adam smile some.

“Cutler told me that Malachi taught Kenny how to bring me back. I don’t know why they did it. I missed out on at least four years of my life. Four years that I can’t get back. And I’m just supposed to act like that’s normal…”

“No, you’re not supposed to,” Max told him. “Because it’s not and I don’t expect you to.”

“I just never felt comfortable talking about this. I’m not exactly an easy person to get along with. I’m kinda a scumbag.”

“Yeah well, so am I. And you’re my scumbag as much as I’m yours,” Max smiled. “Plus, I’m fucking a zombie, which is like, super cool.”

“Oh my god,” Adam laughed.

“Oh! I’m so calling you Undertaker now. When it’s time for bed, I’ll make sure you rest. In. Peace.”

“Why do you hate me?” Adam asked, but he had a big smile on his face.

“Hey I hate a lot of people, but I don’t hate you,” Max held his hand. “But I am plotting now on how to make Matt, Nick, Kenny, and Hangman’s lives living hell.”

“Hangman didn’t have anything to do with it though?”

“Well, you said the friend that helped kill you was dead, so Hangman is a proxy.” There was a knock then for the room service. As they finally dug into their food, Max started talking about developing a more powerful Kangaroo Kick to use on them, as well as other moves and traps. Adam just smiled and nodded as he ate.

For the first time in a long time, the hell inside Adam’s mind was quiet, and he could actually enjoy time with the man he loved.

The Fallen

A look into what happened the night everything went to hell.

“Pfft you sound like a dad-“ Axel was patching up a wound on their shoulder while on the phone with John. The past couple of days have been nothing but hell but in this small moment it was calm. Well calm enough for just being stabbed several times. “Excuse you, we both know I’m not responsible enough to be a father. I’m everyone’s favorite gay uncle. I’m really proud of you, kiddo. Make sure to rinse the wound again before wrapping it. And feel free to just wrap the shoulder, it looked like most of the blood was coming from your leg.” Axel smiles to themself. “Got it. And uh thanks for-“ They’re cut off by a weird murmuring. “Did you hear that?” “Hear what? Shit it’s midnight I need you to keep talking to me, okay Axel? Just ramble about whatever makes you happiest, try to focus on your inner light. Dispel the darkness.” Axel can barley hear John the noice getting louder. It sounds like radio static. The noise makes it harder for them to pay attention to Johns words. They knock the phone down accidentally as they cover their ears the noise not getting blocked out at all. It’s almost as if the noise is in their head. “Fuck…” Their voice is strained and in pain. “Axel please.” Axel can’t hear him. All they can hear is his voice.

“It’s time little Icarus~ Time for you to fall. Open a portal, step into the black. Your time has come.”

“Shit shit shit no I can’t do that no no.”

“Axel, whatever he’s saying, don’t listen to him. You’re a warrior of light, he doesn’t have any, so he wants to take yours. Don’t fucking let him.” But Johns voice doesn’t reach Axel. They can’t hear him over the god and the static.

“Get out of my fucking head.”

“Not until you come to the Black Agent~”

“I’m not going with you.”

“If you don’t go with me then I will take the General.”

“What…?”

“Oh or maybe I can get full control over Wiley! Or both! Then you would be responsible for both of their deaths!!”

“You wouldn’t fucking dare”

“Wouldn’t I? You or them Agent.”

“No.”

John continues talking at them. “I’m proud of you” is all that breaks through.

“If you fucking hurt them.” Their voice drips with hatred as if they could ever possibly make that threat come true.

“I won’t! As long as you get into the black and accept your fate.”

“Please just leave me alone”

“You must not care about your friends Agent. Right as things seemed to look up for them to? You really are a heartless monster.”

Heartless monster. Something they’ve been called many times before. Something they refuse to be again. They pause staring at the wall in front of them wondering if this really is that best option. With a look of determination Axel gets up. The wound on their leg hurts as they walk opening a portal.

“Axel…?” John asks hoping, praying, Axel is

still there.

“I’m sorry.”

Those are Axels last words before they walk through that portal. Leaving John alone on the phone as he begs for them to respond. They don’t all that can be heard is an evil laugh before their phone dies. Leaving John in a PEIP van Wilbur asleep leaning on him and Axel, dying alone. No one could save them.

@hatchetfieldocweek

eARC Review: The Society for Soulless Girls

A HUGE thank you to Netgalley and Delacorte for providing me an eARC in exchange for an honest review!

RATING: ⭐⭐⭐

GOODREADS SYNOPSIS:  

A sapphic enemies-to-lovers retelling of Jekyll & Hyde, this dark academia thriller follows two roommates who must solve an infamous cold case of serial murders on their campus after an arcane ritual gone wrong prompts another death.

Ten years ago, four students lost their lives in the infamous North Tower murders at the elite Carvell College of Arts, forcing Carvell to close its doors.

Now Carvell is reopening, and fearless freshman Lottie is determined to find out what really happened. But when her beautiful but standoffish roommate, Alice, stumbles upon a sinister soul-splitting ritual hidden in Carvell's haunted library, the North Tower claims another victim.

Can Lottie uncover the truth before the North Tower strikes again? Can Alice reverse the ritual before her monstrous alter ego consumes her? And will they give in to the ill-fated attraction that's growing between them?

RELEASE DATE: First published 7/7/2022, this edition 9/19/2023

See my full review under the cut!

If this is Jekyll & Hyde, let’s lead with the good:

I’m so glad to see a YA (ish? New adult might be a better label) novel featuring both lesbians and women’s rage.

I know, I know. It’s the stereotype: angry, man-hating lesbians.

But buried under the mockery is some barely contained truth.

Gay or straight, cis or trans--women are angry.

And we should be.

For so long we have been pushed and pushed and pushed. But when we bite back, we’re told that we’re monstrous. Crazy. In need of fixing. We’re told that we’re unnatural, that our place is under patriarchy’s boot heel.

No wonder we’re fucking angry.

Seeing a novel that both validates that response, that says women’s anger can be both provoked and just spontaneously exist because some of us are just born angry, is refreshing.

But the problem is that a novel isn’t just supposed to be about characters standing on a soapbox blaring out a message.

You actually have to tell a story, and craft it well.

Enter the bad:

This novel suffers from the imbalance between sufficient plotting/crafting of the narrative and moments of philosophical speculation. Too much time is spent navel-gazing to the point where the solution to the mystery doesn’t pay off. In the end, men are the guilty parties. (Which sort of feels like a cop-out. If the message is: ‘women can be evil, too,’ then let us be evil!) But supposed logic underpinning their actions doesn’t hold water. Somehow, we’re expected to believe men would both say ‘women need to be controlled, their evil is unnatural and must be stopped!’ and ‘let’s see how this unhinged demonic possession plays out’ can exist simultaneously. The whole time I’m left thinking: “why wouldn’t they be busy trying to either exploit this to look like heroes or shut it down? What’s their game plan in letting the soulless girls exist in the shadows for so long?”

Still, Stevens has writing chops. I marked several one-liners that either I found moving or made me smile. I’ve heard that she has a sapphic Dorian Gray remix next. Truthfully, I hope she does that one better justice.

rymin. discuss.

Depends on the day really. I feel like most the stuff I’ve drawn of them has been angsty and I like that but I want cute shit too and I’m trying to make more.....it’s just wips though 😭

I think when it comes to the cruel part I always go back to their separation period cuz some shit definitely went down for both of them that we don’t completely see and hnnghhh. It’s where I go insane thinking of Ryan specifically. Like he very clearly isn’t doing good at all, especially performance wise. He gets gigs at retirement homes where his "audience" falls asleep despite the music being loud. He tries just playing in the middle of a party and literally no one pays him attention. I also believe that despite his efforts, Ryan isn’t great at making friends or good impressions. Like idk I can definitely see him trying way too hard but everyone finds him weird or annoying. He can maybe get ppl to stay for a minute but can’t keep it up (ex. his girlfriends). Which made his separation from Min-Gi especially difficult, that’s the only person he thought cared about him, and then it seemingly isn’t true (to Ryan) after battle. He has to live with Min for the first time in his life, and he immediately tries to enter relationships with women to replace the pain left behind by Min (cough gay coding cough). And you just know how he’s trying so despite to make everything work, cuz if he doesn’t it’d mean that he was wrong, his dreams are unrealistic and stupid, and Min might be better off without him. Ryan could find an evil comfort in the idea that Min is just as miserable as he is, and he definitely tries to believe it when he returns because well. It’s fucking true lol. And boy is my man Ryan bottled up he would never say upfront that his solo career went awful because honestly if he did earlier in the season Min would go all bracket mouth smug about it akshjaka

As for the Min-Gi side it’s very uh. It’s far too relatable to me and I don’t like it 😤. I can very much understand why he didn’t wanna just up and leave with Ryan on such short notice with no plan, though I’d probably try to talk about that after singing our funny songs instead of leaving him on stage alone. But where’s the drama in that 🙄 these bitches are mentally ill. Min is then forcing himself to comply to whatever his parents want from him, very much ignoring his painfully strong need to play music with Ryan. There’s no future in music, he must be in FINANCE WITH AN EMPHASIS ON RISK ASSESSMENT. During his intense ass repression (and on the train) he fully believes Ryan is having the time of his life without him, living their dream. He won’t admit it though because he’s again, very repressed and stubborn. But you just know he gets that cassette from Ryan and listens to it 24/7 like "arghhhh....my homosexual desires are back 😤". Okay maybe not but it’s funny to imagine. It’d be pretty damn easy to blame everything on Ryan while acting like he’s in the right for being "smart" and "realistic", and I wouldn’t doubt the possibility that his parents compare the two and remark on how Min ended up so good through all that. And just the feelings of knowing you’re making your parents proud by living someone else’s life is just. OOF. Hits hard. If we go back to gay coding it would be pretty damn likely that part of the Uni Plan was the expectation that Min would meet a girl who he’d date and/or marry. And he plays the role of a straight man despite being desperately gay. So the whole "choosing the gay path despite the fact it won’t make your parents happy" thing is very good I’m always crying about it

This has become increasingly incoherent so that’s the angst shit I feed off of. As for fluff I like when they k-k-kiss 😳

X-Men Abridged 1984: Kitty Pryde and Wolverine

The X-Men, those rethreading mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!

(Kitty Pryde and Wolverine 1 - 6) - by Chris Claremont and Allen Milgrom

What we miss here is one panel where we see Wolverine smile a secret smile at being called ‘too tall’ for anything. (Kitty Pryde and Wolverine 4)

Alternative titles for this miniseries could have been: Kitty Pryde Has a Bad Day; or: Kitty Pryde Makes Terrible Decisions; or even: Kill Logan. What it should have been called is Shadowcat, but I’m assuming editorial nixed that option on account of it being too unfamiliar a name. 

At first, I thought this miniseries was a rehash of Magik and Wolverine. On the one hand, you’ve got the innocent girl who’s being corrupted by a dark mentor in a coming of age-drama; on the other hand, you’ve got Wolverine, Yukio and Japan. So, while Claremont obviously has some themes he likes to return to – you know, other than super-duper-powered women, airplanes and mind control – and this isn’t as fresh as it could be, by the last issue it all ends up working. It runs a little long and the beginning is a slow starter, but if you’re a fan of Kitty, go and read this. (If you’re not, just go read my excellent recap.)

After Peter dumps her, Kitty flees back home to Chicago to stay with her dad. Here, she can regroup, eat massive amounts of chocolate, go ice-skating… (The latter is not something I would do, but I guess it’s tough making an interesting comic out of someone eating cheese crackers in their bed while watching The Nanny reruns.)

Kitty decides to pay her father a visit at the bank where she works, but she discovers that he is involved in some shady dealings with some American and Japanese business men. They bought out the man’s family business, but still invite Carmen Pryde over to Japan! Sweet trip, man! And that’s when it happens:

Kitty’s bad decision #1: She stowaways (stowsaway?) on the plane to Japan.

I don’t know what is more questionable: the fact that that all Kitty brought along were her iceskates or those pink uggs-avant-la-lettre. (Kitty Pryde and Wolverine 1)

Kitty goes to look for a man called Shigematsu, the owner of the company Carmen is in bed with, and so:

Kitty’s bad decision #2: After finding some hints her dad’s dirty, stay the night in an empty office and wait for some random business dude to arrive. (In Japan.)

When she is inevitably discovered in the morning it becomes less of a: “what is this American girl doing on my couch” and more of a security guard immediately opening fire. (Dude!) Kitty, always a smartie, deduces that harmless companies don’t immediately start shooting at randos and thus, this company must be evil. (Well. More evil than most.)

Kitty’s bad decision #3: Attempt to steal money from an ATM but do it so badly that you trip every alarm and have the police come running.

Kitty’s bad decision #4: Escape the police through the sewers and get sick in the process.

Kitty’s bad decision #5: Spend a cold, rainy night on a porch of some sort.

Kit, you’ve got phasing powers. You should be able to steal money without triggering alarms and, when things go belly-up, you really ought to be able to find a better place to hide than out in the fucking streets. Jeez. 

In case you couldn’t tell, one of my major gripes with this arc is that Kitty just makes bad decision after bad decision in order for the plot to work. This is the same girl who killed an N’Garai demon all by herself. (Kitty Pryde and Wolverine 1)

Despite her wooziness, Kitty returns to the office and sneaks in. However, just at the wrong moment, she overhears Shigematsu, a creepy man called Ogun and Carmen talking about all that money-laundering they have been doing! Oops! 

Kitty gasps, betraying her presence, and once again, she has to run. She makes quick work of Shigematsu’s bodyguards and flees, ignoring her dad’s pleas and explanations. An intrigued Ogun, meanwhile, pulls some strings with Shigematsu: he will deal with Kitty, as long as her life is forfeited to his. Kitty, meanwhile, has remembered to use her powers properly:

While the thick, rough-lined style of Milgrom is not entirely my cup of tea, I do love the inventive way he uses paneling and perspective. If anything, at least the art in this series is superb. (Kitty Pryde and Wolverine 2)

Kitty, planning on going to Lady Mariko (ex of Wolverine, currently his 'it's complicated'), needs to catch her breath in the alley. And I guess this is what that string of bad decisions led to, because she’s sick, sleep deprived and confused, which makes her: an easy target. (I’m guessing? Because the whole ‘Kitty: Japan’s Most Wanted’-narrative beat doesn’t really get picked up on, so…) Anyway, Kitty is jumped by a man with a red oni-mask who knocks her unconscious with some roofie-powder.

Wolverine touches down in Tokyo and I think this might be the first instance of him triggering the metal detector gate… thingies because of his skeleton. A joke is born!

Kitty, meanwhile, gets a make-over, a haircut and a brainwashing, courtesy of Ogun. You can almost hear the dulcet tones of the shamisen.

Editor: “We’re done with telepathic mind control, Chris. None of that in this story, understood?” Claremont: “No telepathic mind control. Got it.” Editor: “Did… did you just scribble down ‘standard brainwashing’?” (Kitty Pryde and Wolverine 2)

Wolverine recruits Yukio to help out Kitty’s dad, and he reveals that Ogun used to be his sensei. Ogun, on his part, reveals that what he has done to Kitty was supposed to be Logan’s fate. As poetic justice, he means for his Kitty to kill Logan. (Uh oh!) 

While Yukio grabs Carmen Pryde from Shigematsu and runs away with him in tow (she can be depended upon, at least), an unfamiliar ninja gets the drop on Wolverine. A stink bomb is thrown to fool Logan's nose, and they fight. Wolverine, poisoned and weakened, does the smart thing and flees. After recovering for a bit, Wolverine gets the drop on the ninja. He sniffs her out, not believing who she is, but then he unmasks her! And then Claremont goes for his patented cliffhanger oh-no-they-might-be-dead fake-out:

STABBED THRU THE HEART AND YOU’RE TO BLAME DARLING YOU GIVE SHORT HAIR A GOOD NAME (a good name) (Kitty Pryde and Wolverine 3)

Yukio, never in the mood for much finesse, promptly drugs Kitty and drags her, Logan and Carmen off to some safehouse in the mountains. There, Wolverine recovers while Kitty returns to her senses. When Wolverine tells her what happened, Kitty laughs it off and tells that’s impossible, even though she lives in a world of telepaths and countless mind-control devices. 

Wolverine does the Karate Kid-thing and gives her a rake for the zen garden.

I don’t know whether to blame the artist, the illustrator or the editor, but perhaps someone should have spent a little more time conveying the idea of an actual raked zen garden?  (Kitty Pryde and Wolverine 4)

Logan then tells Kitty some ninja-fable which implies that Ogun is an immortal monk-dude – which, magic would explain a lot of this narrative, so we’ll give that a pass – and then tells Kitty that Ogun mentally imprinted on her. And then, he becomes sensei Logan-san and Kitty becomes Karate-Kitty. They get a full-on training montage (bring your own pan flute), while Kitty realizes the difference between Ogun and Wolverine. Wolverine might be a grueling task master, but he always gives her the option to quit, whereas Ogun just took what he wanted. Ogun’s path was easier, but Logan’s path offers her true mastery. And then, after a comic book montage…

What’s the Japanese equivalent of an eagle cry? Insert that here. (Kitty Pryde and Wolverine 4)

Now that Kitty has completed the challenge Wolverine issued in the first picture of this recap (aaaall the way up there), she decides she’s done. We get another Claremontian cliffhanger fake-out because it seems Kitty is returning to New York! Giving up on this! But, she is, in fact, going back to Tokyo to threaten Shigedematsu for daring to involve her dad in this sticky wicket! 

On the train there, she has a moment of deep, deep reflection: 

Still not sure if Kitty meant to draw Wolverine of Catwoman. (Kitty Pryde and Wolverine 5)

It’s funny how both Kitty and Jean have a tenuous relationship to their codenames. Both of them hardly get theirs in adaptations. My boyfriend, who only watches X-Men stuff on the screen, was shocked when he figured out that Jean Grey is officially called Marvel Girl and not, you know, Phoenix! And I think Kitty only gets the Shadowcat-moniker in X-Men Evolution. Unlike, say, Storm and Cyclops, these two characters are best known by their full names. Which is a shame, because while Marvel Girl is a silly remnant of the sixties, Shadowcat is a pretty badass name. So much better than Sprite or Ariel, which sound like soft drinks. Anyway, go Kitty go!

Back in Generic Japanese Mountain Town, Carmen is furious that Kitty left them again. He sort of blames it on Wolverine, but Wolverine volleys right back at him, rightfully blaming daddy!Pryde for this whole mess. Sure, Carmen may have started with noble intentions – rescuing his business, providing for his family – but he went along with everything, even when it became morally dicey. Carmen was like me at the company wet T-shirt contest: way in over his head. Carmen, cowed, shuts the fuck up.

Ogun, meanwhile, reveals that Wolverine used to be like a brother to him. To punish Logan for interfering, he means to kill Lady Mariko, which checks out for sibling relationships. However, Kitty predicted this: when Ogun strikes at Mariko sleeping in her bed (coward), Kitty jumps out! Sneaky sneaky. They fight again and Ogun evens the playing field by using Poison Powder which somehow prevents Kitty from phasing. (Sure.) Ogun also tries to control her mind again, but this time Kitty’s will is indomitable. Ogun, fed up with all these women thinking for themselves, decides to execute her.

That’s about when Wolverine steps in. 

What follow are a few great fight scenes. While Wolverine and Ogun fight, Kitty and Yukio fend off Shigedematsu’s henchman to protect Mariko and Carmen. Wolverine defeats Ogun by unleashing his berserker side – the chaotic wild side that foils so nicely to his rigidly trained ninja side – and after he has Ogun on his knees, he offers Kitty a choice. You know, that choice that always comes up when a grizzled veteran mentors the wide-eyed ingenue:

Would you have pegged Colossus? Will you kill?

Not to hate on the pretty ‘killing a defeated foe is wrong’ speech, but this coming from mr. Slicey-Dicey-I-Put-Several-Hellfire-Guards-On-Icey is laying it on a leeetle thick. (Kitty Pryde and Wolverine 6) 

Ogun, who does not understand that this is not the moment to try again, tries to stab Kitty in the back. Wolverine whispers for Kitty to phase and, as she does so, Ogun impales himself on Wolverine’s claws. (Which is just so fucking cool.) It also means Wolverine doesn’t immediately violate his own little speech, because Ogun technically did this to himself. 

Carmen returns to the scene, declaring it time for the denouement. He is willing to turn himself in to the police, even if he might go to jail for it. Good on ya, Carmen! (Don’t ever go to Genosha!) Kitty, newly ninja'd, has some sushi and then she, her dad and Logan return to the States.

And I think that’s it! Wolverine is still largely the same as he was before the series kicked off (except he used to be a secret ninja). He doesn’t even pick up a new personal nemesis, because unlike most of those (and X-Men foes in general), I don’t think we ever see Ogun again. He stays dead! Weird.

No, the most enduring legacy of this miniseries is Kitty Pryde’s new codename. And perhaps her penchant for making idiotic mistakes.

As a final note: Carmen might seem like a weird name for a Jewish man, but apparently it is a Spanish/Italian derivative of the Hebrew karmel (or God’s vineyard), so I stand corrected. L’chaim, Mr. Pryde!

Christmas Movies Ranked by How Anti-Capitalist They Are

It’s a Wonderful Life

Movies that make you want to pick a fight with the 1% and also weep with joy. Absolutely a classic and anti-capitalist at its very core. Will convince you we need to start oppressing landlords again.

“Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you're talking about... they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn't think so. People were human beings to him. But to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they're cattle.”

SAY THAT!!! George Bailey said fuck landlords, all my homies hate landlords, they have NO rights. Local man believes poor people are human, dedicates his life to helping them, and in his time of the need literally the whole town comes together to support him and his family. Class solidarity ftw!

“Remember no man is a failure who has friends.” Bitch I CRY EVERY GODDAMN TIME. 

10/10

Home Alone

Soundtrack goes hard, the wacky hijinks even harder. 

Loses points because the bandits had a prime opportunity to seize and redistribute some of the wealth from this ritzy Chicago neighborhood and instead they focus their energy on trying to kill an 8-year-old who outsmarts them at every turn.

2/10

Elf

A family favorite in our house. Touches on the overworking and mistreatment of employees through Greenway Press – Walter forced to choose between being with his family on Christmas Eve or losing his job, it’s implied Deb has a pet grooming business on the side to makes ends meet despite being a receptionist at a NY publishing company, etc.

Honestly most of the points come from Jonie’s underrated yet highly relatable storyline. She works in retail, exhausted and cynical towards the high-paced Christmas season which gives her little to no relief or reward, since she’s surviving on ramen noodles and using the employee showers because her water was cut off. Not expanded on enough to be considered a true Marxist piece but the effort is appreciated.

5/10

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Although the meme is correct in that Rudolph’s red nose becomes desirable only once it proves to be useful, it does get points for exposing the harmful nature of forced conformity and those alienated by these capitalist ideals -- Rudolph, Hermie, the island of misfit toys -- are given a place to belong despite the perceived “flaws” that before made them undesirable.

Also the elves definitely have a free dental-plan now thanks to Hermie and are hopefully on their way to unionizing. Fucking superb you funky little misfit.

6/10

Klaus (2019)

Turns a member of the bourgeoisie into a man I’d trust to carry my mail. Respect for postal workers this movie contains was ahead of its time.

 No direct takedown of the establishment but a heartwarming message -- “A true selfless act always sparks another” bITCH I may be crying -- that emphasizes the importance of giving to others even when there is no selfish motivation to do so, which is inherently anti-capitalist.  

8/10

The Santa Clause

Scott Calvin starts as a toy executive who takes part in the commercialization of Christmas. He was probably a business major so automatically loses points.

The Santa dynasty itself seems to operate under the cutthroat rules of the business world where you must overthrow (or in this case, throw him off the roof) the former CEO in order to seize power. 

Elves have not unionized or seized the means of production by the end.

0/10

A Christmas Carol 

THE ORIGINAL. Charles Dickens was not even in the neighborhood of fucking around with this one. CREATED the anti-capitalist Christmas genre!!

Rich man treats his employees like shit and gets terrorized by three ghosts on Christmas Eve. Force him to redistribute his wealth by dragging him through a montage of his most epic fails -- oh, hey, remember when your fiancé left you? -- and make him listen as all his employees and relatives complain about his stingy ass. 

They end this slideshow by throwing this dude into his own grave. DIRECT ACTION. 

Like damn, the ghosts really said, “If you hoard your resources and ignore those in need when you could directly improve/save lives with no cost to yourself, you will die ALONE and you WILL pay for your crimes in hell.” Literally watching this movie is a catharsis for anyone who is or has been poor and working class. 

I’m including all versions of this movie but a special shout out to the Muppet version because it fucks the hardest. 

100/10

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

Listen I’m not even in realms of joking with this one. This movie is THE anti-capitalist film of the holiday season. 

WhoVille commercializing Christmas and a fixation on consumer culture to the point where anything and anyONE who cannot be commodified -- aka the GRINCH -- is alienated? The Whos rediscovering that people should be cherished over material items once it all is stolen and they must confront how empty the holiday has become??

Cindy Lou becoming disillusioned in Christmas -- at an age that coincides when many children (those who celebrate Christmas at least) lost belief in Santa and had to wrestle with what the holiday means with the magic gone and they’re more aware of the rampant consumerism that taints the season?? Her resolve to find a meaning that goes beyond material consumption because if a holiday founded on goodwill doesn’t extend that goodwill to everyone, even those society deems undesirable, then what’s the point???

The Grinch despising Christmas because he is unable to participate and isolated from the Whos and also the better qualities within himself? His alienation serving to demonize him further as it allows the public to narrow his valid criticisms of the holiday down to him being different and thus inherently predisposed to evil?? And hmm isn’t it interesting that a LOT of this demonization comes via Mayor Augustus “generously paid for by the tax-payers of Whoville” Maywho, Mr. 1% himself.

The upper vs working class divide evident in the light show competition between Martha May and Betty Lou Who?? The opening scene of the shopping frenzy that mirrors our own consumerist culture and overworking of retail/poster workers??? This entire monologue:

“That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's always been about. Gifts, gifts... gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! You wanna know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your garbage. I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump. And the avarice... the avarice never ends! ‘I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue.’" 

MARXIST KING. MENTION IT ALL.

1000/10

She-Ra’s bisexual rep is damn good and this is why

EXHIBIT A: BOW -- his relationship with Glimmer, his short try with Perfuma, and his crushing on Sea Hawk, literally from the moment they met. I guess you can count his interaction with Kyle, too, but I personally found that to be more platonic even if I think their dynamic is interesting. 

“Your name is Sea Hawk!? That’s the coolest name I’ve ever heard!” (Cue Mermista letting out her longest uuuuggggghhhhh ever on her throne in Salineas)

I totally get it, Bow. This man’s stupid shiny mustache, titty window and massive ego also makes me lose all of my brain cells. 

“Sea Hawk is impressed with my knots!”

He went to Princess Prom with Perfuma!

They were so domestic in the portal that I’m not convinced that Glimbow weren’t dating in their “perfect” reality. 

Did you just jump into space for me?

More news on these two at 7.

I guess we can count this, too, but I think Bow was just using his masculine charm and sick biceps to distract Kyle from what’s going on behind him. Poor guy. 

This got super duper long because the rep is so vast, so I’m going to put the rest under a cut. I’m only going to use the canon bi characters, so this includes Mermista, Sea Hawk, Glimmer, Bow, Micah, Angella, Entrapta and an honorable mention of Perfuma who explored dating a guy but is canonically a lesbian. Apparently there’s no confirmation for this other than ND liking someone’s tweet saying perfuma is a trans lesbian. So her sexuality is up to audience interpretation. 

Image and text heavy below!

EXHIBIT B: QUEEN GLIMMAH -- her relationship with Bow and her chemistry with Catra. (If there is more I’m sorry, Glimmer is one of my favorite characters but she has so much going on that I can’t remember any other moments with romantic tension towards other characters.) One could argue she had moments with Adora, as well, but I saw them as more platonic. 

But dear God, this poor girl cannot win. People who don’t ship Glimbow seem to insist she’s a lesbian, or that Glimbow is a het ship. They definitely get the brunt of this bullshit and I’m sick of seeing it. 

First of all, she’s a walking pastel bi-pride flag.

when ur crush is paying attention to someone other than you

Like this girl nearly had a meltdown over her crush going to Princess Prom with someone else, she clearly loves him.

Get you a girl who will personally kick the shit out of your kidnappers. 

Glimmer’s fantasy version of Catra. There is no heterosexual explanation for this. 

SOMFT (Swift Wind must ship Glimmadora)

EXHIBIT C: SEA HAWK, his relationship with Mermista and his seven evil exes that they fought together. Canonically I think Bow’s crush on Sea Hawk is one-sided, but if Mermista wasn’t in the picture (or, you know, if they wanted to explore a poly relationship) I think they could have had something. 

Bow has been fawning over him all day and he still only has eyes for Mermista.

The bi-rate urge to belt out songs about your blushing beloved in public

I actually love that his fantasy version of Mermista is just her, but slightly more anime. This man wouldn’t change a damn thing about his beloved, but he might be a big fucking weeb. 

She’s too hot, he’s not getting anything done today

There is no heterosexual explanation for this. 

ND has confirmed this is Sea Hawk’s ex in a tweet (all of the s4 wrong answers became s5 canon), but....

I think they’re all his exes. 

Honorable mentions:

An attempt at flirting with a lesbian.

DT calling him Hot Stuff, bc yeah, the many ideas this gave me. But come on, read the room, DT. This poor man is traumatized, his fish wife is mind controlled and trying to kill him for real this time. 

DT is another enigma, like Perfuma. I can see them flirting with both masc and fem characters, so they might be bi or pan, but it’s really up to audience interpretation. 

EXHIBIT D: MERMISTA, her relationship with Sea Hawk, her massive crush on Adora, her flirting with Perfuma, and her inability to function around hot people.

Adora transforms into a hot, buff warrior princess right in front of her eyes. “That’s.... different...”

Mermista masks a lot of her emotions, just like I do, so I imagine this is going through her head in this scene: “Oh great, these two incredibly hot women are are in my space right now, time to die i guess”

“You see what I have to deal with?” That blush tho. “He’s just my ride” my ass, you aren’t fooling anyone, dearest. You have a fleet of ships, probably a whole ass navy at your disposal. Failing that, you’re a literal mermaid who could have swam there if needed. 

Look at how they’re standing -- she grabbed his arm first. 

Some not-so-subtle flirting with Perfuma. I love to imagine they dated when they were like, younger teens. 

More mermadora content for your viewing pleasure

Get you a girl who will help you fight your seven evil exes. 

As much as Mermista tries to hide her feelings, everyone knew this was the only way to break the mind control. Only someone she loved could get her to feel so strongly that it would override it (even if that feeling is annoyance, and if you’ve never intentionally and playfully annoyed your partner, you’re stronger than I am).

JUST! LOOK! AT! THEM! GOD THEY MAKE ME SO SOFT Anyways I’ve written like 250k words of fanfic about these two being in love if you need more 

EXHIBIT E: ENTRAPTA

To be fair, I don’t really see any references in the show to her being attracted to anyone other than Hordak and tech, but according to the SPOP Wiki, ND confirmed she is bisexual, and this first bulletpoint also touches on her attraction in the show as well:

The wikipedia isn’t 100% reliable but it’s a good place to start, I did go out of my way to pull confirmation tweets and stuff where I could find them. But being fanmade, the wiki isn’t always a great source of information. 

EXHIBIT F: MICAH AND ANGELLA

Another walking pastel bi-pride flag. 

To be fair, again: these two are only confirmed bisexual under the blanket statement that all of ND’s characters are queer. They still count, though, in my heart. We stan a short bi king and his tall bi wife. (I only teared up a little bit getting this screenshot)

Honorable mention: Perfuma, who, for all intents and purposes, I thought was bisexual until I read her wiki. Because this is how she’s presented in canon. 

God, I ship these two so hard though. I love when the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one ;~;

Scorfuma is pretty fucking cute too, though. I just think that it’s neat to also include someone experimenting with their preferences, too, if that was the intention behind her relationships in the show. 

Perfuma is widely regarded by the fandom to be sapphic, but just because she ended up with a woman doesn’t mean she couldn’t be bisexual. I think it could go wither way -- she could have been experimenting with her preferences and then determined she only wants to date women, or she could just be a bisexual person in a same-sex relationship. 

If you stuck around this long, thanks! I don’t want to pretend to be an expert on any of this, just a real bisexual person who sees herself in these characters and hates to see that all erased by fans of the show who insist they’re straight or heterosexual couples just because they’re opposite sex. Or, again, that because Perfuma ended up in a wlw relationship she is exclusively sapphic. Bisexual people are still bisexual no matter what the gender of the person they’re partnered up with is. 

resident evil village starters

❝ oh, keep growing! one day your head might actually fit your ego. ❞   ❝ running will get you nowhere. ❞     ❝ you don’t have to trust my words, but do you have any better options? ❞   ❝ you shouldn’t be out here. it’s not safe. ❞   ❝ i know you don’t like to talk about it, but can we really just forget everything and pretend it didn’t happen? ❞   ❝ well, what do you think? it’s hopeless, right? ❞ ❝ i wish it could stay like this forever. ❞   ❝ oh, such a disappointment. i thought we could join forces.  ❞ ❝ i don’t have time for this bullshit. out of my way. ❞   ❝ i don’t give a damn about your personal issues. ❞   ❝ it’s a pleasure to see you safe. ❞   ❝ just give up. flesh and blood will never win against me. ❞ ❝ quit acting so full of yourself. ❞ ❝ the clock is ticking. playtime’s over! ❞ ❝ ohhh, don’t give up! ❞ ❝ you think you can take me on? ❞ ❝ you should have never refused me.  ❞ ❝ these are the fruits of my power.  ❞ ❝ leave it alone. you are out of your depth. ❞   ❝ i’ve learned all i can from you. your worth as a lab rat has run out. ❞   ❝ no, no, this can’t be the end for me! ❞   ❝ i can’t escape from here... i can’t do anything! ❞ ❝ what are you talking about? you think this is a game? ❞   ❝ don’t get cocky. i’d kill you if you weren’t the trouble. ❞   ❝ hey, do you know anything about what’s going on around here? ❞   ❝ i’m not used to relying on other people. ❞   ❝ you’re the real deal. well done.  ❞ ❝ i gotta...keep going. ❞   ❝ i think it’s time you left things in my hands. ❞   ❝ my power is leaving me! ❞   ❝ do me a favor... try to stay under the radar. ❞ ❝ you don’t get it. you don’t stand a chance by yourself. ❞ ❝ alright, alright. i guess i owe you an explanation. ❞ ❝ you must be pretty tough, huh? ❞   ❝ all your power’s done is drive you nuts. ❞   ❝ i gotta say, i’m surprised you made it this far. it’d be a shame if something happened to you now. ❞   ❝ so you finally came to see me! everyone falls for me in time. ❞   ❝ it’s all i can spare. take it, take it! ❞   ❝ you’ve got fight, i’ll give you that. ❞   ❝ i didn’t want to keep it from you. i didn’t want to lose you again. ❞   ❝ i’d kill you if you weren’t worth the trouble. ❞   ❝ is there something you’re not telling me? come on, talk to me. ❞   ❝ you can hear it, can’t you? someone’s waiting for you. ❞   ❝ oh, careful what you wish for. ❞   ❝ i don’t want to die. oh, it hurts so much. ❞   ❝ don’t look at me that way. ❞   ❝ i told you to sit down. ❞   ❝ you’re the reason ___ doesn’t love me. ❞   ❝ hey, kiss me? ❞   ❝ if it’s for you, i would do anything. ❞   ❝ come on, it’s not that much further! ❞   ❝ you’re the only one to see me in this form. ❞   ❝ ugh, my temper got away from me. ❞   ❝ play with me some more. ❞   ❝ trying to get on my good side? ❞   ❝ i don’t know if it’s the scent of the flowers, but i feel light headed. ❞   ❝ in all my years, i’ve never been this overjoyed. ❞   ❝ look forward to what i have in store for you. ❞   ❝ mmm, that smells good. what’s that? ❞   ❝ you really should have taken my deal. ❞ ❝ truth hurts, don’t it?  ❞ ❝ i’ve waited so long. but dreams really can come true. ❞   ❝ you coward! come out and face me. ❞   ❝ quit hiding, asshole. i’m not letting you get out of this.  ❞ ❝ i won’t let you have it. even if you beg. ❞   ❝ this is my territory, and i won’t let you leave. ❞   ❝ damn, i’m so cold. my legs won’t work. ❞   ❝ local wine, too. but if you’re going to keep sulking all evening, maybe you shouldn’t have any. ❞ ❝ it’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you. ❞   ❝ you’re the last asshole in my way, aren’t you? ❞   ❝ well, at least we’re together. ❞   ❝ hey, now. think positively, all right? we talked about this. ❞   ❝ come now, don’t be shy. show me your terror. ❞   ❝ i would’ve sliced you to ribbons if they hadn’t stopped me. ❞   ❝ it’s only a riddle if you don’t know the answer. ❞   ❝ shouldn’t we face what happened there so we can live our lives without it hanging over our heads? ❞   ❝ rest while you can, because i will hunt you, and i will break you. ❞   ❝ this village is full of monsters. we can’t fight them! there’s too many. ❞   ❝ a dead body? wait...there’s more... ❞   ❝ you’re a lot like your father, you know. ❞   ❝ it barely flinched when i shot it. i feel like it’s toying with me. ❞   ❝ it’ll be fine. it’ll be fine. it’ll be fine. ❞   ❝ listen. you’re being played.  ❞ ❝ too bad you’ll pay for it...with your life. ❞   ❝ please won’t you stay with me? forever? ❞   ❝ you are lucky to die before your child. ❞   ❝ quiet now, child! adults are talking. ❞   ❝ there’s nothing wrong with my memory. you’re just being paranoid. ❞   ❝ this is...this is just too much. ❞   ❝ awww, you’re blushing. ❞   ❝ how can a man be ‘almost’ dead? that’s a question for the wise. ❞   ❝ what kind of sick medieval shit is this? ❞   ❝ i’ve spent a lifetime creating this moment...and you try to take it away from me? ❞   ❝ i’m sick of fighting you! ❞   ❝ why didn’t you fucking tell me right away? ❞ ❝ shut your damn hole and don’t be a sore loser! ❞   ❝ but i’m not paranoid, i’m just cautious. ❞   ❝ don’t get close to me when i’m cooking, babe. ❞   ❝ anyone who is anyone has heard of the likes of you. ❞   ❝ i haven’t cut open a man in a while. ❞   ❝ we moved here so that you wouldn’t have to deal with any of that, remember? ❞   ❝ why? why would you do this? ❞   ❝ i knew you would want to be involved. and this job is hard enough without civilians getting in the way. ❞ ❝ oh? you have something to say? ❞   ❝ tell me what’s out there! ❞   ❝ you’re still alive...? impressive. ❞   ❝ hey, are you listening? hey! ❞   ❝ exactly how much do you plan on annoying me? ❞   ❝ oh, no. they’re coming! ❞   ❝ do you have a gun? please tell me you have a gun. ❞   ❝ it’s not---nevermind. i’m sorry. ❞   ❝ drunk or not, you are welcome---and safe---in here. ❞   ❝ you know how to push my buttons. ❞   ❝ hey, don’t i get a say in this? ❞   ❝ you wouldn’t know proper manners if it slapped you in the face. ❞   ❝ i won’t forgive you, you bastard! ❞   ❝ why...why do you treat me the same as them? am i not your favourite? am i not special? ❞   ❝ at night, i hear wailing, as if ghosts roam the halls. ❞   ❝ quit your whining; we’re almost there! ❞   ❝ i’m afraid you can’t return to your old world any longer. ❞   ❝ how dare you bare your teeth at me. ❞   ❝ you couldn’t save them. they were already gone. ❞   ❝ in life and death, we give glory. ❞   ❝ can you even understand that humiliation?  ❞ ❝ even i can get angry. ❞   ❝ what the hell is that thing? ❞ ❝ we will meet again soon. ❞ ❝ let’s just say parts of the human imagination are better left alone. ❞ ❝ some treasures still lurk in this village. ❞ ❝ my decision is final. there will be no argument. ❞   ❝ everyone leaves me. even you. ❞   ❝ there is no safe! every sorry bastard out there has been ripped in half! ❞   ❝ come inside. the others are waiting. ❞   ❝ come with me. there’s something i have to tell you. ❞   ❝ what the hell is wrong with this place? ❞   ❝ the strong will destroy the weak. that’s the way of the world. ❞   ❝ no, we’re getting out of here --- together. ❞   ❝ but what i saw was...frightful. ❞ ❝ i suppose it’s what they call ‘the beauty of the grotesque’. ❞   ❝ you taught me so much and for that i will be forever in your debt. ❞   ❝ it is my curiosity that ties me to this place. ❞   ❝ please let me know if you’d like to strengthen your weapons. ❞ ❝ you’ll pay if i find out this is a lie. ❞ ❝ speaking of foolish questions, who --- what are you? ❞   ❝ if i don’t kill them then my life will never be my own. ❞   ❝ you are abominable. your deceit knows no bound. ❞   ❝ quit holding out, and get to the damn point! ❞ ❝ you’re the one who’s cursed. ❞ ❝ i hope you will be able to achieve your goal someday, too. ❞   ❝ that is why i had to leave you. i will regret never telling you goodbye. ❞   ❝ if i had but a little more time, i know i might be able to turn the tides of this battle. ❞   ❝ i can hear it shuffling about outside. ❞   ❝ and now you even try to steal my property? how dare you? ❞   ❝ ugh, just another simple little manthing. ❞   ❝ oh, good. i was just thinking of ways to pass the time. ❞ ❝ nowhere to go but up. ❞   ❝ where are you? show yourself! ❞ ❝ not without me, it’s too dangerous. ❞ ❝ shit, that was close. ❞   ❝ i heard explosions. what happened? ❞ ❝ you’ve dirtied my dress! ❞   ❝ you’re my daughter...now act like it! ❞   ❝ i don’t think we will make it through winter at this rate. ❞   ❝ the wounds are severe. i won’t last much longer. ❞   ❝ will you please stop talking in riddles? ❞   ❝ goddamn. it really is you. ❞ ❝ you sure of this? your body is, well, falling apart. ❞       ❝ how long have i been out? ❞   ❝ keep your distance. do not move until i give the order. ❞   ❝ i’ve got a tough guy here, i need some back-up! ❞   ❝ if my mom saw this shit, she’d think she’d died and gone to hell. ❞   ❝ shut your fucking hole! ...sorry about that. ❞   ❝ who are you? who sent you? ❞   ❝ please, be well. ❞   ❝ there’s more than we thought. watch out. ❞ ❝ to hunger...is to be alive. ❞   ❝ goddammit! why is everyone dying on me? ❞   ❝ hey! hey. don’t talk like that. ❞   ❝ my word, you truly are as strong as they say! ❞   ❝ don’t you love me? ❞   ❝ oh, you didn’t think i’d let you get away, did you? ❞   ❝ taken alive? dead? which would you prefer? ❞  

Shinigami Eyes (II)

Pairing: Corpse Husband / Reader

Summary: After you distastefully kill Corpse in a game of Among Us, he wants you to make it up to him and invites you to come over for the week.

Notes: Thank you so much for the love on the previous chapter, I’ve never gotten this many notes before. I hope you enjoy, and maybe leave an ask if you want to? I can’t promise I have time to do them, but I’ll pick out a couple.

Also, I might rewrite this. I kinda rushed it because I wanted to finish it by tonight, but there will be a final and third chapter to this afterwards. Please do let me know what you think.

Tag list CLOSED!

Shinigami Eyes - Pt. II

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

Impostor

You were teamed up with Sean.

Your fist violently slammed down on the desk. “Goddammit! I don’t want to be impostor anymore! This game has no compassion for my poor nerves.” It was the third time in a row now, and you were really craving to do normal tasks now without all the scheming. “Fuck it, I don’t care if they kill me. I’m just gonna do my thing without thinking about it.”

You decide to follow Toast for a bit to watch him do some task. You kill him in Laboratory. You vent back to Launchpad and take your time walking towards MedBay while the kill button restores. You meet up with Corpse, and follow him while pretending to do wires in the Y-hallway. You watched the green bar go up, and continued. Sabotaging and then fixing lights, you made sure your place with Corpse was settled. Then the body of Lily was reported.

As you expected, Corpse easily vouched for you as he’d seen you do a task. The round was skipped, though Rae was sussed for ‘chasing’ Sean, by his own words.

“Corpse, you’ve grown weak,” you muttered to chat.

You were in Greenhouse, and decided it would be best to kill him there and sabotage Reactor. “Sorry baby, but I can’t keep following you around.” You quickly set off Reactor and murdered him in front of the plants. “Your blood shall keep the plants hydrated.” You did an evil laugh. “Pretty sure that’s not how it works, though.”

You vented down to MedBay and as you walked out you met up with Rae. She’d be the vouch who would confirm you weren’t anywhere near Greenhouse. “I’ll just have to fix my own sabotage so they’ll never suspect me.” You helped her with the handprint, and noted Sykkuno and Felix being there. Sean sabotaged lights, you killed Sykkuno, and ran out to follow Lily into Laboratory. Felix reported the body.

“Holy shit,” Rae gasped. So far, five people had died. You only needed to kill one more person. “It was Felix!”

“Wait, what?” the man in question asked. “I was fixing Reactor!”

She mentioned that only you, Sykkuno, Felix and herself had been there and that you’d helped her do handprint. “Sykkuno must have fixed it, and then you killed him!”

Sean asked if you’d seen anything.

“No, the lights were out. I followed Rae into Laboratory after the scan.” Your voice didn’t tremble or raise, a tactic you’d taken up from the best lair in the group. Well, the one who was now dead. Oops. “I haven’t seen Felix this entire game, though.”

He was evidently at a loss for words, so the group was quick to vote for him.

Pewds was ejected.

Victory.

You thanked Sean for a good game who was laughing his ass off. “I can’t believe you did Corpse like that! Poor guy!”

“I deadass thought you were innocent,” Corpse replied, “I’m hurt.”

“Why do you still sound dark and menacing when you say something like that?!”

You agreed with Sean heartily, “He’s just salty I’ve bested him at his own game.”

“Hey now, no need to actually insult me.”

The group laughed. You decided to call it for the night, right before Corpse did the same.”

 ***

He was calling you again. “What is it this time, you salty?”

“Salty? Nah, never,” he said, but you weren’t convinced.

“Then why you calling?”

“What, I can’t call my friends after playing a nice round of Among Us?”

“Not when you lost the game and you call the person who you lost to. Kinda sus, dude.”

“Alright, maybe a little salty.” You smirked.

“Aw, you need me to make it up to you?”

He laughed. “What did you have in mind?”

A bunch of thoughts, most not rated PG-13, crossed your mind. You were suddenly starting to feel uncomfortable. This was probably just something innocent, which got twisted in your fucked-up mind. You shrugged, “Uh… I don’t know.”

“I got an idea.”

“What is it?”

“Come over this week. You said you needed a break, right?”

“That sounds more like you’re doing me a favour instead of me making it up to you.”

“I don’t have any friends. You’d be making it up to me by being the first physical person here in years. I usually don’t invite people over.”

“Wow, I’m flattered. So, you don’t consider me to be your friend after all?”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he chuckled.

“Sure, sure. Tell me that again when my presence suddenly brightens your life making you not want to get rid of me, ever.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.”

 ***

You walk through the gates following a hoard of people, all the while still feeling drowsy from not getting any sleep during your flight. At least you didn’t have any turbulence and landed safely. Glancing around here and there with no result, you figured Corpse would be waiting outside, until you spotted a figure clad in black a little ends away by the escalator. You were glad you were still awake enough to have found him, because he appeared to silently linger halfway behind a fern.

At least, you hoped it was him. The only indications were his clothes, mask and dark hair. You saw him run a hand through it, and identified the chipped black nail polish and familiar rings. Oh yea, that was him alright.

He seemed to be paying more attention to the floor until he saw two feet appear in his line of sight. “Hey,” you awkwardly greeted. A bit taken a back, he replied, “Oh, wow. Hey.” A mask was covering the bottom of his face, but as far as you could see his eyes were a very dark shade.

“Wow?” you repeated. He chuckled, scratching the back of his head. “Yea, sorry. It’s a compliment.” You held your elbow out in a safe-distance gestured hello, but he shrugged you off. “You’re gonna be staying with me anyways.” Suddenly in a daze, you felt him wrap his arms around your waist and instantly hugged him back. His baggy sweater felt warm and soft to the touch, and strands of hair tickled your face. You very much tried to repress your smile and blush, but how could you? Hugging someone wasn’t supposed to feel this good. When he pulled back he reached down to take your suitcase from you. “I don’t own a car, is it okay if we take a cab?”

“Y-Yeah, of course,” you stuttered, “But it’s on me. Same with food and stuff.” “Don’t worry about it,” he chuckled. “No, you’re letting me stay with you and a hotel would’ve been a lot more expensive than this. It’s my treat.” “Yeah, we’ll see.” He gave you a look and even with the mask you could tell he was smirking underneath it.

It’s about half an hour drive to his apartment complex, and it’s rather nice. “All that YouTube money paying off, huh?” you asked in amusement. “You’d know,” he replied. You insisted on carrying your suitcase up the stairs yourself, which he silently shook his head at, until after a few flights he noticed you struggling and settled on carrying the thing in between the two of you. “How many clothes did you bring?” “Oh, it’s mostly filled with bricks I might need to throw at your head.” He laughed at that.

His apartment was simple, but cosy. “Home sweet home,” he said, almost sarcastically. You furrowed your brow at him. “I’m sure you could’ve had it a lot worse.” He reluctantly agreed.

He helped you set down your luggage in what appeared to be his bedroom, where the curtains were still closed and the black bedsheets fresh. He had a few pieces of fanart up on his wall, and some on his closet. You turned to him and gave him a look. “You’re not sleeping on the couch.”

He quickly shook his head, “You’re not sleeping there. If you won’t let me sleep on the couch I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“If you’re sleeping on the floor, I’m sleeping on the floor.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” he murmured. “What?” “Nothing.”

He suggested playing video games as you were both too tired to do anything else. You’d landed quite late yet were still confused about what time it actually was. Flying is weird. You hopped onto his couch and grabbed a controller.

He sat down next to you, but suddenly seemed tenser than before.

“You okay? You can just go to sleep if you want to.”

He shook his head, “Nah, I don’t sleep a lot. It’s fine.”

You didn’t stop looking at him, though. He was still wearing that mask. “You don’t have to take it off, if you don’t want to. I understand if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“It’s not that, I just…” He took a deep breath. You hadn’t expected him to take it off then and there. You stared at him, your mouth slightly agape, controller barely held by your numb hands.

“Disappointed?”

It was as if he was expecting you to make a face or something, but you didn’t give him anything, except for a blatant “Nope” and an “Are we gonna play now or what?”

“You don’t have anything else to say?”

You shrugged, and looked him up and down again. “You’re kind of what I imagined you to be.”

“What’s that?”

“Handsome.”

Neither of you could stop smiling for the rest of the night.

You eventually forced him to sleep in his own bed, even going as far as to shove him into the room and keep your weight against the door so he couldn’t get out, so he eventually relented. “Inviting you here was a mistake.” “How come? All I’ve done so far is look after you!” “You’re a nightmare.”

You mostly stayed in for the week, which you didn’t mind at all. Being in such a closed-off environment with someone you got along with was nice. He attempted to get you to lift the weights in his room and succeeded for around fifteen minutes until you nearly dropped a dumbbell on your foot. You ordered take-out from his favourite restaurant, watched horror movies until you adapted to his sleeping schedule because you were too scared to close your eyes now, and even streamed a bit together with your friends.

“Wait, is Corpse with you?” Rae had asked.

“No, I’m at Corpse’s. He’s sitting across from me so I can’t see his screen but we’re gonna have to share the Discord unless you want to hear an echo.”

“Ah, man! You got to see his face, too?” Sykkuno whined.

“Stop simping, Sykkuno. You get enough attention from him already.”

“Don’t worry, I still love you,” Corpse said.

“Huh?”

It was probably a good thing that you got teamed up again, because you could indeed start to see his hands shaking right as the word ‘impostor’ appeared on the screen. You reached over and stroked it with your thumb. He smiled gratefully back at you.

“Just please,” he pleaded later that day, “Sleep in the bed. If only for one night.”

“No. I’ve heard about and now seen your sleeping habits. If you take the couch you’re never going to get any sleep.” You made a real effort to show him how comfortable you were – even though your back had started to hurt already after the first night – by crawling underneath your blanket and rubbing your head into the soft pillow. He snorted.

Next thing, you feel yourself being lifted by an arm underneath your knees and one around your back. “Corpse! Put me the fuck down!” you shrieked. You knew he lifted weights, but how the hell did he still have the energy as an insomniac? He ungracefully dropped you onto the matrass and turned the lights off. “Good night.”

You quickly got hold of the back of his hoodie before he could leave and pulled. He fell down next to you with a low huff. “Fine, I’ll sleep in the bed. But only if you sleep here too.”

“I snore.”

“Don’t care.”

For some reason, there wasn’t any tension or awkwardness. You were comfortable, and the soft rhythm of his breathing seemed to soothe you. He called out your name, to see if you were still awake.

“Hm?”

“…Thanks for coming over.”

“Any time.”

This was how you would spend the rest of the nights, and whenever either of you woke up suddenly curled up around the other, you didn’t mention it or move away from it. It was the first time in years Corpse got a few nights of complete rest.

You’re Ours to Protect

Had a weird dream last night. Thought you might enjoy it. 

Reader: F

Characters: Toshinori Yagi (All Might), Aizawa Shouta (Eraserhead), Yamada Hizashi (Present Mic)

Summary: Your time as an anti-hero might finally be coming to an end. With three pros on your tail it’s a miracle this didn't happen sooner. (Reader has a quirk but it’s not very important to the smut.)

Length: 4.5 K (I have come to the conclusion that I am incapable of writing below 4 K)

Warnings: non-con, yandere themes, slight bondage/restraints, voyeurism, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, anal fingering, anal sex, M/M/F, mostly clothed male, naked reader, slight cum swallowing, Eraserhead and Present Mic are in an established relationship in this fic. 

Hands were on your body, hands that shouldn’t be there. Your mind was stuck in a fog, your limbs so heavy you could barely move them. What was going on? You strained to remember, thinking long and hard about what might have led you here as calloused fingers blazed trails along your exposed thighs. You managed to wiggle your limbs a bit, shaking off the haze that muddled your brain.

You groaned, trying to open your eyes so you can get a better understanding of your surroundings. Your hands were restrained behind your back but it seemed your legs were free. You'd murder who ever had their fucking hands on you. As your eyes adjusted to the light you couldn't help but groan again as the figure in front of you came into view. You tried and failed to subtly use your quirk, this didn’t look good.

“Eraserhead. Didn’t realize you were still wasting your time looking for me. Not my fault I beat you to that criminal. Hero’s leaving trash like him alive is such a stupid concept. He was a murderer you know.” 

You looked around to the best of your ability as you spoke, you were sitting on a plush dark green couch in what appeared to be a relatively empty basement. You had been stripped of your gear, leaving you in your underwear and an oversized t-shirt. Two men were flanking you on the couch. The one to your left you didn't recognize. He was ridiculously tall, as well as skinny. Blond hair a mess as two long bangs hid his eyes from view. To your right was a pro you did recognize. His emerald green eyes sparkled in delight behind his civilian glasses as he grinned down at you. So it was their hands on your body currently. They’d die first then. 

“So, what does that make you?” the dark haired pro murmured, leaning forwards and somewhat regaining your attention. 

You ignored his question, opting to look about some more. There wasn't a one-way mirror or any recording device in sight. Were they interrogating you off the books? This whole situation seemed off, these were heroes right? They’d convict you and leave you to rot in a dingy jail cell somewhere.. but this didn't look like a normal interrogation room. 

“I know this is my first time getting caught and all but this doesn’t really seem up to protocol. Gonna haul me away after having fun or something?” You shifted your gaze to the obsidian eyes in front of you, leaning forwards to mimic his posture. 

Present Mic barked out a laugh, hand squeezing harder on you thigh much to your annoyance. “Sorry babe but prison won’t be your final destination! I mean after all y’aint evil, just a lil misguided is all, nothin’ three pros can’t fix.” He ended his sentence with a pinch to your leg. 

“If you don’t get your fucking hands off me I’ll kill you!” You snarled, turning and getting up in Present Mic’s face. The tall blond to your left pulled his hands back, scooting away as Present Mic continued to leer down at you. 

“HAH little girls got some bite, but we already knew that. Don’t think I didn’t notice you trying to use that quirk. I’m hurt now! You really would try to kill me huh?” he mocked with a fake pout, but you could see the amusement in his eyes. 

“I’m sure you’ve already realized by now you can’t use your quirk. It wasn’t easy making a device to cancel it out, but thanks to our newest colleague here the hardest part was collecting your DNA and picking what color collar we wanted.” Eraserhead leaned forward, fingers tugging on the collar you only now just realized was around your neck.

You tried to bite him, but he pulled back. If only you could wipe that stupid smirk off his face with a heart attack. Your quirk was the ability to clot blood after all. A handy trick if you found yourself injured, but even more so for killing once you learned how to properly control it. No one really batted an eye at an ischemic stroke due to the clotting of an artery to the brain. Well.. almost nobody.. 

“You have a very impressive ability,” the tall blond stated, “in all honesty we probably wouldn’t have caught on if we hadn’t watched you kill. You’ve induced countless of natural looking deaths, but upon closer inspection you target people whose crimes would have landed them in jail. Noble, but very misguided. You’re pretty reckless though, what if you had gotten hurt?” 

“So fucking what if I did.” You kept your eyes glued to Present Mic as you responded, trusting him a lot less than the man behind you. His eyes narrowed dangerously at your snarky rebuttal.

“Language young lady, and that’s no way to talk! What would compel you to risk your life, why don’t you trust your hero’s more?” 

You clenched your teeth in frustration but didn’t respond. You were done cooperating, not like you were doing much to begin with though.

The scrapping of a metal chair on concrete drew your gaze as Eraserhead stood up. 

“Back up Zashi, I’ll take over from here. Toshinori you’re fine where you are.” 

You couldn’t help but struggle a bit at his words. “What do you mean, what the hell are you going to do!? You insane or something? Just turn me in to the police!”

“You really don't pay attention do you. Hizashi already said you’re not going to the police. I don’t know what skeletons you have in your closet, or why you started killing people, but that will come out in due time. For now you don’t have to kill anymore. The three of us will take care of you, without the law sentencing you to life. We’ve been hunting you down for so long. We’ve been very patient, but right now you need us to help show you what you’ve been missing. Running around all by yourself, you must have been so lonely.” Eraserhead finished up his little spiel as he stalked forwards, looming over your sitting frame. 

“Don’t fucking TOUC-gah!” You had been so focused on Eraserhead’s approach you hadn’t noticed Present Mic coming at you with a gag until it was too late. 

“Yagi already asked you to watch that dirty mouth of yours, don’t worry though babe once you simmer down a bit we’ll take it out.”

“Ple-please Hizashi call me Toshinori we’ve been over this.”

You gave Eraserhead your best glare as he stopped in front of you. He smiled softly at your defiance before wedging his knee in between your legs and slamming his hands onto the couch, caging you in. Wait by show you what you were missing.. these hero's were going to..?

You tried to talk reason, but all that came out were muffled pleas. None of it coherent. 

“We’ve been watching over you for 5 months now kitten. Trying to find the best way to approach you but in the end taking you somewhere safe seemed to be the only logical solution. While getting this house ready for your arrival we all started to feel as if you belonged here all along. I know it’s not fair, we’ve had so much longer to get to know you, but you’ll know us just as well soon enough.”

It was official. These pros had lost their damn minds. They actually figured out how to justify what they were about to do to you. Your promise to only kill criminals was really coming back to bite you on the ass. 

You brought your legs up and tried to kick him off, but were quickly thwarted by two pairs of hands grabbing them and pinning you down. 

“Now now sweetheart none of that, Shouta here is just going to show you our conviction. No one will ever hurt you again now that we are here. Now that I am here” The last part was mumbled more to himself than the group. 

Something must have happened to these men to cause their hero complex to grow into something so twisted. But that was no fucking excuse for their actions. They needed therapy, not someone to play damsel in distress with.

Shouta lowered himself between your legs until he was kneeling on the floor in front of you. You tried to plead with your eyes, beg him to stop, but he met your gaze with something bordering love. That wasn’t good. Breaking eye contact he looked down at your underwear, bringing a hand up you held your breath as he gently brushed against your core. 

“You can’t even begin to imagine how much I’ve dreamed of this moment. You truly are something special, and yet you treat your life with such little regard it’s maddening.” He trailed his knuckles against the thin fabric as he spoke, your traitorous body sparking heat in your lower abdomen in anticipation. 

Pulling your underwear to the side he slowly began to slide his fingers up and down your progressively wetting folds. 

“Well now, someone secretly enjoyin’ themselves baby,” Hizashi all but purred, his hand squeezing your flesh while his gaze was transfixed on where his partner was violating you. You couldn’t help but let out a pitiful whine. It was absolutely humiliating being spread out before these three men. 

The noises your wet cunt were making were no help to your embarrassment, and they only got worse once the dark haired pro rid you of your last line of defense and began to insert two of his fingers. 

“H-how does she feel?” Toshinori couldn’t help but ask. His face was flushed red, along with the tips of his ears as his vibrant blue eyes watched Shouta’s fingers slowly sink inside you. 

“Tight, shit she’s tight. She’s perfect, so fucking wet for her hero's. I’ll work you open kitten don’t worry.” You couldn’t help but clamp down on his fingers at his words, earning a deep chuckle in response. 

“See now, such a good girl aren’t you. Prison is no place for you kitten, though if you want we can always role-play your wardens.”

Role-play my ass we’re already living it, was all you could think bitterly. 

As if he read your mind Shouta couldn’t help but continue to antagonize you, thumb beginning to make light circles against your clit as he pumped his fingers, adding a third and quickly burying them knuckle deep. Soft whimpers slipped from your mouth as you tried in vain to wiggle away from Eraserhead’s deft fingers. 

Hizashi was getting impatient, removing one of his hands to grasp your breast through the t-shirt you had on. His slim fingers began to pinch and rub your nipple, though his eyes never left your cunt. 

Toshinori was struggling in his own way. Raspy breaths with slight coughs as he grew more and more aroused. He too removed a hand from your leg, but instead made quick work of the zipper on his pants. Taking his semi hard cock in his hand he began gently stroke himself while watching your display. 

You truly were everything they had ever wanted. But you didn’t want this, despite your bodies responses to their ministrations. You could feel it, Shouta seemed to know exactly where to stroke as he worked you up tighter and tighter, velvety walls clamping down at your approaching climax. 

You found each man murmuring their own words of praise, anywhere from “That’s it baby girl, take all of Sho now,” to “Such a perfect princess, do you want to finish?” The man between your legs even adding to the mantra of soft words spoken to you. “So close kitten, see what good girls get. You’re going to cum for me okay?” 

He posed it like a question but you knew it was far from it. It was a statement, a matter of fact statement that you couldn’t deny even if you had tried. Your back arched, moans and mewls intercepted but not completely blocked out by your gag as you rocked against his hand. He gladly continued to finger you, watching as you came down from your high and only then removed his hand. 

You were panting hard, shame quickly washing away the pleasure from your orgasm. Sensing the shift in your demeanor Hizashi was quick to pounce, peppering your face in kisses despite your shifty protests and groans of despair. “None of that now babe, after all we’re just gettin’ this show started!” 

Shouta stood and moved out from between your legs, licking some of your slick off his hand before he wiped the rest on his black pants leg. “You got lube Zashi?” Hizashi paused his attack and shot the dark haired pro a million dollar smile. “You bet our babes cute ass I got it! Lemme find it, hold her Toshi.”

Toshinori floundered a bit, cock in hand as Hizashi shoved you closer to him, before jumping up from the couch. Eyes trailing down to his hand you couldn’t help but freeze in shock. Not only was this man stupid tall, his dick was frighteningly large. The older hero noticed your stare and couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at your expression. “Don’t worry princess, Shouta and Hizashi are going to help you today. My sides acting up so I’ll only be watching.” 

As if on cue the man was hit by a coughing fit, and much to your surprise he even coughed up some blood. Eraserhead was still looming over you, leaning over he gently rubbed the older blonds back as he tried to ease him through the pain. You didn’t dare move as all this transpired around you. What good would it have done you anyways? You were effectively quirkiness, and your fighting skills would be severely lacking against the two heroes you knew. You had no idea who this Toshinori guy was, but if he was close to Eraserhead and Present Mic you doubted he was weak. 

You heard Hizashi rummaging behind you through a dresser you hadn’t noticed earlier. Craning your neck, you peered over and cried out in frustration. 

“Tada!” He sung triumphantly, a small bottle of lube in his hand. “Act two can now officially begin!” You could only yell and wiggle about in protest, your arms still tied behind your back. Toshinori’s hand on your thigh moved to gently pat you on the head. 

“Behave now for them okay? If you’re good we can show you the rest of our home after this.” 

You jerked your head out from under his hand and yelled more incoherent nonsense out of frustration. You had expected anger to replace the adoring look in his eyes but you were only met with fond amusement. 

He stood up with a hearty laugh, erection still in hand as he grabbed Shouta’s discarded chair, sitting down facing the couch. Shouta was quick to take Toshinori’s place on the couch while Hizashi took up residence behind you. 

“I have a feelin’ this star ain’t a fan of the spotlight, no need to be camera shy babe.” You watched Shouta roll his eyes at his partner in crime before he began to manhandle you. Hands under your armpits he pulled you up and wrangled you onto your knees facing him on the couch. 

Hizashi slid one knee between your legs so you couldn't close them. Your tied hands couldn’t help but brush up against his clothed hard on, causing him to rut against you a bit in anticipation. 

Without warning he took a solid grip of your t-shirt and ripped it off. You squeaked in surprise, your face heating up as you realized you were the only person fully naked in the room. 

“Was it really necessary to rip my shirt?”

“Sorry about that Toshi! Didn’t want to delay the show with takin’ off her bindings yah dig? You rip them a bunch anyways so what’s another to the pile? But ain’t this just so much better, our baby girl on full display it makes my heart swoon!”

“Just get her ready Hizashi, and no rushing it, you don’t want to hurt her.”

“Aight aight sorry I’ll get to work, you keep her happy.”

Both men moved closer, pressing your body between them. They had propped themselves up on their knees and had you effectively stuck. Shouta gently placed one hand around your neck, giving your collar a tug, while the other trailed down and began to gently work your still wet pussy. 

You stared into his chest, trying your best to space out but jerked back to reality when you heard the pop of a lid behind you. 

“Don’t worry babe I’ll get you ready, I’m somewhat of a pro yah know?” 

That was when you felt his lubed finger gently prodding your other hole. You jolted forwards into Shouta who didn’t even budge in response to your full body weight. Hizashi simply shuffled closer, continuing to push until finally he breached you. You whimpered at the uncomfortable intrusion. 

Shouta's fingers lazily worked your cunt as he rocked his erection against your lower abdomen. Despite the fact that you hated the feeling of his growing arousal you couldn’t help but lean into him to try and get away from Hizashi as he slipped another finger inside. Tears slowly rolled down your face in frustration as the two heroes prepared your body. 

“There we go kitten, you’re doing so well. Just be patient alright and it won’t hurt so bad.” Shouta removed his hand from around your neck and placed it on your head, angling your gaze to the third member of the group you had almost forgotten while pulling you flush to his clothed chest so you couldn’t freely change your field of view. 

Toshinori was leaned back in the metal folding chair, which looked comically small with him sitting on it. His eyes were clouded with lust as he stroked his thick cock. His own pre-cum and spit adding obscene noises to his ministrations. He gave you a lopsided smile as you made eye contact, causing you to quirky avert your gaze. 

By this point Hizashi had worked three fingers knuckle deep into your tight hole, but coupled with Shouta’s work the line between uncomfortable and pleasurable began to mix together. A breathless moan escaped you as the two pros finally got their desired reaction. 

“She’s as good as she’s gonna get Sho, let’s say you and me start the finale I can’t take feelin’ her tight lil hole clamping down on my fingers any longer. Not when I got somethin’ much better for her.”

Your tears flowed a bit faster at your impending fate. This was fucking insane! You might have been a murderer, but you weren't expected to be a good person unlike these men. These heroes who were now violating you.

Since Shouta was in black sweatpants he merely leaned back a bit and pulled them down, cock springing free. He had a solid girth to him, red tip dripping pre down his shaft to his unruly black pubic hair. You heard a zipper behind you as the blond freed himself, though due to being squashed between the two you had no idea what to prepare for. 

Hizashi hummed in contemplation at your tied hands, currently in the way of his objective. “Bonds might have to go Sho, you get her hands?” The sleepy hero merely nodded grasping your wrists as Hizashi swiftly untied them. 

“Ready now primadonna?”

“Ha ha you’re soo funny Sho... but yes, shit, I’m fucking ready.”

You kept quiet this time, head pressed against Shouta’s chest as you listened to his rapidly beating heart. You gave one last pleading look to the lean blond watching intently from the sideline, but all he did was shrug his shoulders with a small smile on his face. 

“You’re going to do great princess don’t worry.” 

You felt the tips of each man at their respective entrance, Shouta's teasing your soaking cunt while Hizashi lightly probed your lubed ass. You closed your eyes and accepted defeat. They gently began to rut their hips, cocks sinking deeper with each thrust. You felt uncomfortably full as they breached you. 

“Oh fuck oh fuck I can feel you through her.” The blond quickly grabbed your breasts, tweaking your nipples like he had earlier. 

“Easy does it kitten, we got you,” Shouta groaned out. 

You weren’t a fan of Hizashi behind you, rocking forward into Shouta as they continued to fuck into you. He squeezed down on your wrists in warning, hot breath fanning the top of your head. It didn’t take much longer before they both had finally bottomed out. You groaned in distress while they groaned in bliss. 

“I’ve got her wrists you help her out alright, and take it easy.”

“Sheesh I heard yah the first time, I’ll help our lil girl out.”

Hizashi snaked a hand in between you and Shouta, finding your clit. 

They both continued fucking into you, Hizashi matching Shouta’s pace as they stimulated your body. You were angry, humiliated, and yet somehow you were so turned on it was embarrassing. You should be thrashing about, snarling into your gag, but instead all you could do was rock your body to their salacious tempo. 

Peeking your eyes open at a particularly hard thrust from Hizashi you saw Toshinori on the edge of the chair. You could just barely make out his raspy breaths and small moans over Shouta and Hizashi’s groaning. His brilliant blue eyes bore into your own. One of his hands worked his long shaft while the other was death gripping his clothed thigh. It almost looked as if steam was pouring off of him. Was he always that muscular?

You didn’t have long to contemplate Toshinori though, with a pinch to your clit Hizashi made sure to regain your attention. He had picked up his pace, throwing Shouta a bit off balance. He leaned down sucking and biting at your neck while rolling your perky nipple. Shouta felt your velvety walls clamp down around his cock, picking up his tempo to match Hizashi’s.

By now you were a mess. Traitorous moans fumbling from your mouth as the two heroes played your body. They had picked up an alternating tempo, never leaving you without a cock inside your body. The pleasure had you throwing your head back, leaving your neck exposed and making room for Shouta to join Hizashi in leaving little claiming bites all along your delicate skin. 

“She’s getting close Hizashi, we’re gonna fuck her through it alright?”

The blond pro behind you only moaned out something that sounded vaguely affirmative, eager to feel your tight walls clamp down on him. 

You were beyond fighting them, on the brink of orgasm all it took was one pointed thrust from Shouta to have you crumbling apart. You pushed back into Hizashi’s chest, his t-shirt sticking to your sweat soaked skin as you clamped down on both of them. Hizashi moaned into your neck, his quirk picking up a bit as he lost his composure. Shouta had released your hands, ripping off your gag so he could grab your face and crash his mouth to yours, swallowing your moans as your newly freed hands grabbed fist fulls of his shirt to stabilize yourself. 

As stated they continued fucking into you, dragging out your orgasm as your walls spasmed around them. Shouta’s tongue delved into your mouth, his own deep moans rumbling into you. 

“Go-gonna fuckin’ cum Sho, n- not much longer.”

In response Eraserhead reached behind you, grabbing a fist full of the blonds hair and giving it a firm tug which was enough to push him over the edge. 

“Sh-shit,” he wheezed, hips stilling as his cum filled your sore ass. “You fu- you fucking dirty cheater makin’ me finish first like that.” In kind Hizashi grabbed some of Shouta’s hair, pulling his mouth away from yours and up to his own. 

“Go ahead and cum in her Sho you know you want to,” Hizashi taunted between kisses. The familiar sound of metal against concrete drew your gaze as the all too familiar symbol of peace stood at his full height. Holy fucking shit it was All Might. 

The two pros ignored his approach, Shouta’s hips becoming a bit more deranged as he fucked into you. All Might reached in between the two and gripped your lower jaw, dazzling smile almost blinding you.

“Be a good girl now and open for me, you don’t have to swallow it all but I’d appreciate the effort.” He didn’t leave you with much of a choice finding it impossible to close your mouth with his grip, which at this point was very sore from the gag. The tip of his large member gently brushed against your lips as he shuttered at the feeling of your soft flesh. 

By this point Shouta was thrusting aggressively against your battered cervix, mouth locked with Hizahi’s as he finally reached his own release. His hips stuttered as warmth filled your cunt. 

Now all that was left was All Might. Your jaw strained to accommodate him, but he seemed to be more than aware of your limitations. He simply pushed the tip in, one hand stroking his shaft while the other gently pet your head. 

“So pretty,” he cooed down at you. “Just like that princess, I’m gonna cum now okay?” 

You simply kept your mouth open, tongue flat against the underside of his still cock as his cum filled your mouth. The bitter taste made you sputter, cum running down your chin as more took its place. After a couple more spurts he gently pulled away, some of the bitter substance sliding down your throat while the majority ended up down your chin and onto the couch below. 

All four of you were panting, frozen in time until finally All Might disappeared in a large cloud of smoke. The man you had originally believed to be some unknown hero named Toshinori now stood in his place, shyly looking down at you. 

“I guess that’s one way to show her huh big guy.” Hizashi jested. 

“I-I know probably not the most ideal but I couldn’t help myself,” he murmured a bit embarrassed. 

Hizashi and Shouta pulled out, their cum immediately running down your legs causing you to cringe a bit at the sensation. 

“You guys.. fucking suck.” was all you could think of at the moment. You waited for the rage, for them to berate or attack you, but instead all that met you was a chorus of soft chuckles.

“Figured you wouldn’t be easy to convince kitten, but don’t worry. Between the three of us you’ll come around.” 

These three men must have some thick fucking skulls to dismiss you so casually, that or their obsession was a lot deeper than you could even begin to comprehend. 

“Some fucking heroes you are,” you grumbled lowly.

“Some fuckin’ heroes we are indeed cutie! HAH get it? Cause we just fucked yah?” Hizashi laughed at his own joke while Toshinori and Shouta groaned. 

“Alright don’t make me gag you next, let’s just get everybody upstairs and clean up. We’ll do the house tour later kitten, for now we’ll just show you to your room.” 

“Mortal! You have freed me from my imprisonments! By the Grace of-“

Yeah, I’m gonna stop you right there miss magic lady. I’ve seen enough anime to have an idea where this is going and before we start: when was the last time you’ve been outside? Just so I can get an idea on how much of a gap there is.

Or Jaune finds some mythical artifact and now has to deal with the magical shenanigans that ensue.

Team ORNJ was in the middle of a mission until they were attacked by a small group of Beowulf. It's not something they can't handle, but unfortunately Jaune was just looking at the enemy, he didn't notice the hole next to him and fell.

Jaune: Ouch!

Nora (Phone): Jaune! Are you ok?

Jaune: Yeah, I'm fine.

Nora (Phone): Thank God. Don't worry, we'll get you out of there.

Jaune looks up and can see that is was a big fall. He looks around and see the entrance of a underground cave.

Jaune: I don't think you guys can get me out of the hole, but there is a cave. Maybe I'll find a way out in there.

Nora (Phone): ...Ok, just be careful.

Jaune: Don't worry. I'll be fine.

Jaune gets up and walks towards the cave. The cave is very dark but he uses the light from his phone to see. After walking for a long time he begins to see a light.

Jaune: It must be the exit or I'm already dead.

He gets closer and closer to the light, making it very difficult to see what is on the other side. He passes the entrance where the light is coming from, his eyes adjust and he can see that he is in a lake under the ground. The lake is surrounded by different types of plants and flowers. The light comes from other larger holes that are in the "ceiling" of the cave, but are covered in branches from the outside. Looking at the lake, Jaune can see a stone path that goes directly to the center of the lake. In the center, he can see a sword embedded in a stone. It is a beautiful sword. Its blade is silver, the handle is golden, and it has rolled blue leather for a better grip.

Jaune: Wow

He picks up his phone and tries to tell his friends what he is seeing.

Jaune: Guys, there is a kind of altar or magical place, to be honest I don't know what this is, but it looks great! You have to come and see it!….. Guys?….. Guys, do you hear me?

No luck, it seems that he is alone in this.

Jaune: Whatever. I'll take some pics and then show them the photos when I see them.

I walk along the stone path and take photos along the way. Upon reaching the sword, he takes one last photo of it.

Jaune: So cool. Can it be removed from the stone?

He grabs the handle of the sword and effortlessly pulls it out.

Jaune: That was easy.

He looks at the sword for a moment.

Jaune: So this is it. Just a sword that for some reason is well cared for?

Then the sword starts to shake violently.

Jaune: What the fuck!

He drops the sword on the ground and the sword continues to vibrate. He then sees that part of the lake started to approach the sword. The water lifts the sword and begins to swirl around it. So much water has accumulated that he looks like a water thrush.

Jaune: What the hell is going on?!

Then the water begins to take the form of a very beautiful woman and the sword is found inside her. She had long blue hair, a crown made of beautifully colored coral, she wore a snow-white dress, and her skin was light pink.

Woman: Son of Man! My name is Atheni. You have freed me from my chains, and with this I am very grateful. I promise that I will reward you for this great feat

Jaune: Holy shit! Really!?

Atheni: Of course, but first I have to get my power back. You see, a long time ago an evil King started terrorizing these lands. So from the ashes of death I was born with the mission of ending that-

She sees that Jaune is on his phone and he doesn't pay attention to her.

Atheni: Are you listening to me?

Jaune: *Puts the phone down* Listen lady, this is not the first time I've seen something magical or supernatural. It is part of my daily life at this point. Also, I've seen enough anime to know where this is going. So let me first ask you a question.

Atheni: How dare you talk to me like-!

Jaune: When was the last time you were outside?

Atheni: What? Well, the last time I was outside was in the year XX34

Jaune: In the year XX34! Damn, you look so good after all this time.

Atheni: *Blushing* Thank you, no wait, what year is it?!

Jaune: 2022

Atheni: Oh no....

Jaune: Yep

Atheni: *worry* Is the Armenia village still up?

Jaune: The what?

Atheni: Who is the king now?

Jaune: Well, we don't have kings anymore. Now we have presidents.

Atheni: What's a president? Never mind. Is the Palace of Minerva still here?

Jaune: *checks his phone* It was destroy in the war of 19XX

Atheni: What about the consulate of light?

Jaune: Dismantled

Atheni: The duque of Guacotecti?!

Jaune: They killed him and his whole family. No descendants left. Yikes

Atheni: The city of gold?!

Jaune: Stolen

Atheni: THE KNIGHTS ALLIANCE?!

Jaune: They died in battle

Atheni: TURIN'S GIANT FLEET?!

Jaune: In the bottom of the ocean.

Atheni: AGH!!! Is the Victoria Castle still up?

Jaune: Let's see. Oh, it is!!

Atheni: *excited* It is?!

Jaune: Yeah, but... is a White Castle now, a restaurant. The say is the biggest one in the world. *to himself* I should go there to check it out.

Atheni: *stressed* What am I going to do?

Jaune just watches as she freaks out with her new situation. He feels bad, but what can he do? It would be better to leave her alone.

Jaune: Well, I think it's time for me to go. So excuse me.

He turns around but is trapped in a water cage.

Jaune: What are you doing?!

Atheni: *Almost crying* You got me out of that rock. So now take responsibility and help me get my powers back.

Jaune: Hey, it's not my fault you stayed on that rock for so long. Also, I can't help you. I already have things to do.

Atheni: If you don't help me, I'll put a curse on you.

Jaune: *smug* How? You don't have...

*Poof*

Jaune: *Worry* ...your powers. What did you do to me?!

Atheni: I put a curse on you. This curse will make all the women in the world see you as something disgusting. But I'll take the curse off you when I get my powers back. So will you help me?

Jaune: Are you kidding, is that your curse? I see it as a blessing! Do you know the problems the women in Atlas gave me after this haircut? Too many!! Now I can finally walk the streets without being hit on by women!

Atheni: You piece of-!

*Poof*

Jaune: What did you do to me now?!

Atheni: *Smiles* Hahaha I changed the curse on you.

Jaune: What?!

Atheni: Now all the women in the world will see you as a handsome and irresistible man.

Jaune: NOOOOOOO!!!!

Atheni: Now, will you help me get my power back?

He calms down and thinks about it

Jaune: Yeah, whatever.

Atheni: Great, our epic adventure begins!!!

Jaune: I hate my life

Baji Being A Menace To Society (And Your Relationship) 2.0

Sequel to: Baji A.K.A. The Worst (Best) Matchmaker

Summary: Baji’s at it again, acting out-of-pocket and creating chaos for absolutely no reason, other than to see you suffer. In his own Baji-esque way, of course.

Pairing: Sano Manjiro | Mikey x Male Reader

Warning(s): Boku no Pico is mentioned, but there is absolutely nothing graphic; mentions of masturbation

Note(s): I am so sorry if it isn’t funny. Sadly, I am but an amateur writer, not a comedian. Still, I hope you all enjoy! ^^

"(Y/n), want some ice cream? My treat."

Usually, you'd be the first to jump at an offer for a sweet treat, especially when you don't have to pay. However, as of now, the word 'ice cream,' when said by Baji, instantly triggers your fight-or flight-response. Paired with the fact that he’s broke as hell, your suspicions only increase for the sudden indulgence.

Since you know you're no match for the long-haired menace, your body automatically prepares to flee, legs twitching to lurch into a sprint. Unfortunately for you, just before you can get the fuck out of there, your hand is being grabbed by Mikey, who leisurely begins to tug you along to claim your dessert.

“You like ice cream, right?” he turns to ask, eyes unbelievably soft when looking at you.

And because you’re weak for him, all you can do is nod stiffly, trading in your sanity for the pleased grin that spreads across his face, his confident strides thereafter likely a result of him successfully remembering another miscellaneous fact about you, as has been the case since you officially started dating him. From the most trivial of things, like which brand of pens and pencils you prefer, to the slightly more important stuff, like ice cream being one of your favorite desserts; he’s made the effort of remembering them all.

He really doesn’t need to do any of that, ‘cause you’ll love him either way, but the conscious decision to do so is what makes you love him even more.

Zoning back into reality, you shake your head to reorient yourself. It isn’t the time to be going over the reasons why you’re such a lovesick puppy.

No, there are other things to worry about, mainly Baji.

You squeeze Mikey’s hand as you’re led to the nearest ice cream parlor to try and calm yourself. It works for the most part, especially when you get a reassuring squeeze back.

‘Right,’ you tell yourself, ‘it’s going to be okay.’

After all, Baji wouldn’t do anything too drastic, right?

~~~

You were wrong. So, so wrong.

Despite nothing having transpired yet, every alarm in your head is going off, pounding at the door of reason to get you to wake up and realize that it’s Baji you’re talking about, the same person that sets cars on fire when hungry and punches the first unfortunate soul he passes by on the street when sleepy.

You really should’ve listened to your survival instincts and ran. Alas, it’s much too late to escape, leaving you to wallow in your anxiety, while you wait for misfortune to strike.

And strike it does.

“Please, don’t sit next to me. You make me nauseous.”

“That’s cruel. I bought you ice cream, and you treat me like this?”

Yeah, he may have bought it, but you refuse to eat it because of how intensely Baji is staring at you. Fucking weirdo.

"Oh, do you want some of mine instead, (Y/n)?" Baji accentuates his question with a sensual lick to his ice cream from the edge of the cone to the finessed peak, making you extremely uncomfortable as he stares you down with the full motion.

As slowly as he licks his frozen treat do you slowly raise your middle finger, eliciting chuckles from the other occupants of the table.

You think you won that mini battle, though?

Ha! Nope.

Baji mirrors the vulgar action, not once breaking eye contact as he dips the tip of his finger directly into his ice cream, pulls it out, and proceeds to lick that, too.

Disgusted, you promptly avert your attention elsewhere, praying that Baji won’t continue being, well, himself.

Your prayers fall on deaf ears.

"It's cold!" As soon as the exclamation leaves your mouth, your blood runs glacial, knowing that you've unintentionally played into Baji's trap. The appearance of a sly, almost feral, smirk when you whip your head around to glare confirms what you already know.

The curtain has risen, and you’re standing center stage in a performance you can’t break free from.

"Aw, can't let it go to waste,” Baji continues, reaching over to scoop the ice cream you’re 100% certain he purposely spilled on the front of your shirt, with his fingers.

Then, to your horror and everyone else’s shock, he asks, without an ounce of virtue to his name, "Want me to lick it off with my mouth?"

Chifuyu is seated on the other side of the table, hiding his face in his hands. “Baji-san...”

"It'll stain if it dries like that." Dear God, how you wish to un-see Baji batting his eyelashes at you.

“I don’t care!” At this point, you’ve resorted to clumsily scooting your chair as far away from him as possible, which isn’t actually as far as you’d like considering your surroundings. Hell, so long as you put some distance between yourself and the crazy bastard that wants to see you suffer, you don’t mind having to force yourself halfway onto Mikey’s lap. (The firm hand that keeps you steady by the waist proves that your presence isn’t unwanted either.)

"Geez, (Y/n), you're such a scatterbrain."

Seeing Baji sell the line with a slow tugging of his hair behind the ear has you torn between laughing and dying a little more. Truthfully, his acting is frighteningly impressive, and you would’ve applauded his performance, if not for the fact that the role he’s playing still haunts your dreams.

By this time, most of who accompanied you to the ice cream parlor have figured out what kind of drugs Baji is on this time, which also means that those fuckers have seen, or are at least aware of, the cursed trilogy of questionable porn that’s being reenacted before their eyes, with you as an unwilling co-star. Those that are puzzled as to why people are shoving their fists in their mouths to refrain from laughing are obviously God’s favorites.

“The fuck is going on? I wanna laugh at Baji’s dumbassery, too.”

“Pah-chin... I think it’s best you don’t know.”

Interestingly enough, the one you’re most concerned about hasn’t said anything yet, splitting his attention between observing the scene unfolding and eating his portion of a deluxe sundae.

Then, out of nowhere-

“I understand.”

You and Baji freeze where you are, each of you grasping the other’s collar, you to shove him away, and him to draw you closer.

“(Y/n),” Mikey says, your name rolling silkily off his tongue in a tone much too fond for his next words, “if you like roleplay, just tell me.”

...

“Huh?”

“I’m fine with pissing, remember? So, roleplay shouldn’t be a problem.”

Heat rises to your face at an alarming pace, and it continues to climb as Mikey takes your free hand in his, which serves not to comfort but to unintentionally remind you of the humiliating experience from a few months back. And just when you convinced him that you didn’t want anything to do with getting freaky with the body’s excreta, too.

“You’ve got it wrong! I don’t- arfghfgh?!”

Your prayer to help cool down your flushed cheeks must have been heard, but you’re pretty damn sure you didn’t ask for Baji to shove his ice cream in your mouth!

“Oh, yeah. (Y/n)’s a fuckin’ geek when it comes to roleplay,” the unhinged bastard speaks in your stead, indifferent to the nails clawing at his hand clamped over your mouth. “You should try it with him. We were doing a scene from his favorite anime.”

Mikey tilts his head, interest positively piqued. “Which one is that?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, leader?”

Mikey raises an eyebrow.

Baji opens his mouth.

You lunge.

It’s a series of events that happens in the blink of an eye and ends with loud crashing as you tackle Baji to the ground.

“Listen up, Baji Keisuke. We took an oath that day, and if you dare utter a word of what went down, I’ll consider that a breach of the code of secrecy and take you down, making sure you drown in a pit of your own shame and despair.”

Surprised to have been pinned down so quickly, it takes a while for Baji’s brain to catch up, but when it does, he’s frustratingly unfazed at the threat.

“Oho~ How scary. Too bad for you, I have no shame.”

“Not even if I tell Mama Baji where your porn stash is?”

That has the great Baji tensing up.

“You wouldn’t dare use an underhanded tactic like that.”

Your lips turn into a wicked grin. “Are you sure? I have as much dirt on you as you have on me, and like you, I won’t hesitate to use it to my advantage.”

If your grin is wicked, Baji’s is downright evil, showing off his sharp, gritted canines and all.

“You got balls, (Y/n),” he snarls, “but mine are bigger.”

The boy beneath you opens his mouth, and faster than you can stop him, he just...does it.

“(Y/n) (L/n) watched Boku no Pico and liked it!”

Silence.

Silence is all that’s heard for a good, long minute following the booming roar of the revelation.

You dare not look up to gauge everyone’s reactions, instead keeping your icy glare fixated on Baji, who looks smug as shit for having caused the glorious eruption of heat to spread like wildfire across your entire body, from the tips of your ears down to where your skin disappears under the collar of your jacket.

This...

This is war.

Taking in a deep breath, you answer his uncalled for declaration with your own thunderous shout of, “Baji watched Boku no Pico and jacked off to it! Twice!”

Baji laughs. “Oh, pray tell, saintly (Y/n), how many times did you jack off to it?”

“None of your fucking business, asshole.”

“Pretty fucking sure it is, since we were in the same room.”

Someone chokes, while you choke Baji.

“We. Swore. To. Secrecy. You. Asshole,” you practically growl, with each of your words accompanied by a ruthless back-and-forth shaking of the other boy’s person.

“Let up on the choking, dude. I’m not into that. You, however-”

Unable to take the ceaseless slander to your name anymore, you reel your fist back, but, upon seeing Baji’s cheek turned to you, jaw jutted out, as if inviting you to take your best shot, you hesitate. You know you wouldn’t be able to pack enough of a punch to actually leave an impact on him, which is terribly upsetting.

On the bright side, there’s still one tactic you can use that’ll be just as effective, a technique courtesy of your health teacher, who happily taught it to the class to use in case of an emergency.

Technically, it’s meant to be used to assess a person’s level of consciousness, but you suppose it can be used to get back at inconsiderate idiots, too.

“Ow! Ow! What the fuc-! Ow!”

You keep a straight face as you continue to rub your knuckles against his sternum, fully intent on delivering the worst possible pain to the current bane of your existence. It brings a sort of sadistic satisfaction to hear the ever prideful Baji’s screams of pain, and while it doesn’t completely undo the damage done, it does help soothe your wounded self-esteem.

“You want me stop? Beg for it.”

“Pissing, roleplay, choking, and begging? Goddam- OW!”

Your reign of terror comes to its untimely end when you’re lifted up into the air by the armpits, and through the haze of your power trip, you realize that Baji’s saving grace is Draken, who proceeds to carry you out of the parlor with ease.

“People are staring,” he coolly explains when you protest to having unfinished business.

Pouting, you cross your arms over your chest. “It’s his fault.”

Once outside, Draken doesn’t immediately put you back on your feet, until Mikey strolls out of the parlor. Only when the gang leader has his arms outstretched to you are you promptly deposited on the ground and taken into his embrace.

“Are you done letting off some steam?” is the first thing he asks you. Even though you can’t see his expression, the way he holds you and the way he cradles the back of your head, handling you with the utmost care, is indication enough that there will be no reprimand for, essentially, assaulting your division commander. (You would argue that it was an act of self defense against verbal harassment, but whatever.)

There’s just an overwhelming amount of love. So, so, so much love for each other.

“Yeah, I am,” you eventually answer, followed by a content sigh.

“Good.”

Naturally, that’s the perfect time for the tinkling of the bells above the parlor door to pilfer your attention. Baji’s appearance causes your face to morph into a scowl.

You cling tighter to Mikey, peeking over his shoulder to flip the ravenet off and mouth, ‘Go to Hell.’

As always, Baji answers your attempt to appear opposing with an obnoxious smirk.

‘See you there.’

~~~

“Boku no Pico, huh?”

“Draken, don’t laugh! Baji forced me to watch it!”

“All 3 episodes?”

“Twice.”

“...”

“...”

“Favorite scene...?”

“As if I’d have one.”

"Actually-"

“Ahh! Shut up! Why are you here, stupid Baji?! You live in the other direction!”

~~~

“Hey, (Y/n). Want to try doing the same thing with me?”

You look up, perplexed. Mikey literally just walked into the room, and that was the first thing he said to you.

“Do wha-?”

Your breath catches in your throat when you turn your head, only for you to come centimeters from bumping noses with him. And because he can, he lovingly knocks your foreheads together, too.

“It’s okay. I promise it’ll definitely be fun.”

You should feel ashamed for recognizing the same sequence of lines from Boku no Pico so quickly, though any coherent words are overtaken by an incomprehensible, high-pitched screech, a feat achieved solely by a teenage boy going through puberty.

A combination of shock and amusement crosses over Mikey’s features then. He’s never heard you make that sound before.

It’s cute. Strains the ears quite a bit, but cute.

While Draken lurks beside him, questioning Mikey’s standards of what constitutes as ‘cute,’ you’re sprinting across the room, red-faced, to Baji, who’s already grinning from ear-to-ear.

“Stop tainting my boyfriend, you piece of shit! Give him back his innocence!”

(Unbeknownst to you, whilst immersed in your fit of hysterics, your use of the word ‘boyfriend’ has a certain blond beaming.

“Did you hear that, Ken-chin? He called me his boyfriend.”

“Wow, congrats.”

Mikey either doesn’t give a shit or is simply too smitten to acknowledge Draken’s apathetic response.)

Baji blinks, unable to believe what you’re trying to insinuate. “Innocent? That little gremlin motherfucker?”

Both of you look in Mikey’s direction. When he sees you staring, he breaks out in a smile and throws a wave.

Your heart involuntarily skips a beat at the sight, and, okay, you’re convinced. Mikey deserves better than knowing of that cursed series’ existence.

Clearly, you’re down bad for Toman’s leader, and as such, Baji figures he can use that to quench his boredom for the day.

“Ooh, if only you knew what he gets off to.”

The tone in his voice instantly rouses suspicion. You narrow your eyes at him. “I don’t care what kind of porn he gets off to.”

“Porn? Nah, ya silly goose-”

“Don’t call me that.”

Baji ignores your comment as he moves to sling one arm around your shoulders, the other raising up to mimic an obscene tugging motion that no teenage boy is a stranger to.

“He jerks it to yo-”

BAM!

One second, Baji is lazily hanging off of your person, the next, he’s sprawled out on the floor, face down, and groaning in pain. You expect nothing less after witnessing him receive a rather impressive flying kick to the chest from Mikey.

Before you can assess the full damage, your view gets obscured by a pair of keys.

“Wanna take my bike out for a spin?”

Yes, you know Mikey is trying to divert your attention from whatever Baji was going to say, and, yes, you probably should check on the figure that has yet to get up.

But do you really care?

You take one glance at Baji’s concerningly unmoving body and quickly come to a conclusion.

You do not.

That being said, you quite literally drag Mikey and, by extension, Draken out of there, chanting an excited, “Let’s go!” on your way, abandoning Baji to wither on the ground.

Baji?

Baji feels betrayed.

~~~

"Chifuyu?”

“Hm?”

“Y’know, I was joking.” Baji flips onto his back with a grunt. “Man, who knew Mikey was all grown up?”

The vice captain of the first division hums, seemingly uninterested in his commander’s musings.

It goes quiet for a few minutes, the sole instigator of noise being Chifuyu flipping the pages of his manga.

Unpredictable is Baji, and the same goes for his train of thought.

“I should punch Mikey for kicking me.”

“No, you’d get beat up.”

“...”

“I should punch (Y/n) for Mikey kicking me.”

Truly, unpredictable and senseless.

“You’d still get beat up.”

Baji opens his mouth to argue.

“By Mikey.”

He promptly closes it.

“Fuck it. I’ll keep spicing up their relationship as payback.”

Sighing, Chifuyu closes his book to crouch down next to him. “Baji-san, with all due respect, you’re an asshole.”

Baji Keisuke has experienced betrayal twice today.

And he deserved it both times.

genre || romance?, greek mythology, 

warnings || implied smut, suggestive, death, agressiveness

pairing || demigod!johnny x reader, hades!jaehyun x reader

wc || 3,4k

collab || god among us by @yutasgalaxy

charlie's notes || this is a new genre for me, hope you enjoy it! i’m sorry this is so late, the writer’s block hit me like a truck for this one!

summary || there's something about death that is so powerful, no one can do anything about it. Except the woman that makes the underworld god crazy, she should die for the good of the humanity but she won't. Someone should make something about it, huh?

"So you despise Zeus but act like him having three men at home and me here? I should leave something to let them know I'm the alpha." You slap his mouth telling him you wouldn't talk about them, he just growls and grabs your hand harshly keeping you in place as his whole naked figure crushes you to the mattress, you sigh as the feeling of his lips start to leave kisses on your neck, the sloppiness and the aggressive bite marks are rewarded always after with heated kisses that only end when there's lips bleeding. He would always wait for them before you go, as he would check every single mark he left.

"That ma'am is really doing naughty stuff with people's money, huh?" Johnny nods as he gives details watching you get dressed with another dress you had in your bag. "Ok, noted. Did you really have to rip my dress each time?"

"You really piss me off, what can I do about it?"

It was a moment of impulsiveness and pure rage, all happened so fast it must be a fucking dream. Like the ones you usually have thinking how this world would be better without those people. Those you work for.

They have the blessing of the king and think everyone else is born to serve them, fuck deities and the powerful. As a mere mortal with no powers, you just gain money from your skillful hands and the embroidery that shines in the richest people here. Gold is property of Hades but are you really one to ask the god of the Underworld? You just have it a few days in your hands anyways.

Being short of money isn’t a problem either, you have people under your orders. Well, more like three young men that look like they need an older sister. You have them close because even in the other tasks that have nothing to do with gold filaments and needles, they are willing to help. So you'll always protect them.

Taking a bit of the evil rich's wealth and making them pay for their sins isn't a crime as your hands aren't stained with blood, right? It's just accelerating the process of Hades’ job.

The needle in this embroidery seems to fail as you look at the bruises on your right wrist wondering how such force on his hands gave you as much pleasure as pain, your eyes trail to your long nails that must leave marks on his broad back every time you meet. You don't have time to think of him as the mission is almost finished so Hyuck, Renjun and Jeno would come and you can enjoy a great meal after this.

"Y/N!" You giggled as your name is called, that sweet voice comes from the man that makes the best herbal medicine in the town. The amount of people he has saved from his knowledge is amazing, you leave the work aside to receive him with a hug when he enters but your smile quickly falls.

"Hyuck! They're going to kill him!" Renjun lets himself fall at your feet as the adrenaline goes wild through his body, his hands are trembling. Your ears suddenly hear your own thumping of your heart as Renjun's words sound far away and you start running.

He has been caught.

It's your fault.

I got you Y/N. Aren't I the best? When I return, you better sew me the most amazing shirt. I'll enter this time alone so you will wait and worship me later.

You don't remember how you arrived but Jeno is waiting for you at the door. He quickly blocks your way when he sees you taking out a dagger. "We promised we wouldn't kill anyone."

"I won't let him die, Jeno."

"You know we need you, right?" Jeno sighs as you nod at him, he lifts you up by the waist to enter from a secret entrance. Before you start climbing the rest, you turn around to see a really worried guy. You wish you could apologize for this but you can't.

Now that you think about it, he warned you about it somehow. Maybe it was fate, but looking down from a little window at Hyuck trying hard to maintain the smug smirk as life slipped through his fingers, simply makes you enraged.

That man chained up to the wall is being punished like his old times as a slave, he is shirtless and he is trembling. Deep wounds are all over his body and each one feels like yours as you promised it would never happen again.

"Say her name, little bastard. Who planned this?" Hyuck raises his head a bit and spits at the big guy in front of him, your body comes across the little window and you don't care if he says your name at this point. He laughs as the big guy groans, annoyed at his behavior.

'We should talk with Zeus and ask for wealth and powers, isn't this the most amazing thing to do? We help the poor and rich people kill each other when we help their secrets come out! Our hands are bloodless! Aren't we angels? We should be praised now.' Says Hyuck as you wipe his mouth, Jeno whines and you do the same to him, Renjun laughs and wonders how they are all so loyal to the promise of not killing anyone. 'We are not like them.'

"Are you going to die smiling at me, little bitch? How sweet of you, I'll tell your owner that so she'll get the fucking rules." The big man takes out a dagger and pushes it through his lower stomach, making him gasp loudly as you approach slowly. 

"You'll remember me even when Hades meets you, you were always below my feet always. And you'll die like that too." He suddenly loses the chains and lets him go so Hyuck falls and the man puts his left foot on his neck. After a harsh thump, he is not moving anymore.

You lose it then.

Pushing the dagger against the man that injured Hyuck repeatedly as you smile at his widened eyes. It's the same weapon anyways, so he is feeling how his weapon hurts, no screams stop you. Not even when his master appears and looks at you horrified, calling you out, not even her screams are enough.

That man hurt him before, he hurt a lot of slaves for fun and because of his master's orders. It was insane.

Just like you right now.

You finally stop when you hear Jeno's voice again. The blurriness of the scene is because hot tears don't stop rolling down your face, when you look up he is there hugging Hyuck's body. The thump of your heart never stopped and you are not brave enough to ask if he is still breathing.

Your trembling hands touch the big guy's body now covered in blood lifeless because of you. It's not a dream. You killed a person.

No matter how hard you try to stand up, your legs are not answering. You just push yourself away and crawl besides Jeno who is sat on the ground holding Hyuck in his arms.

You use the sleeves of your dress to wipe Hyuck's face, this habit of yours was his favorite but he doesn't wake up.

"It's not funny, Hyuck. Don't make me say 'please', just wake up."

"Y/N…" Jeno calls softly your name as he grabs the hand that caress Hyuck's face and takes a deep breath. "... it's my fault."

You slapped his hand and two fingers went to the man's neck laying between you two, your lips quivering when there's no signal of life. "It's my fault, death takes over him because of me so I'll stop it."

Jeno doesn't take your words seriously as his mind seems far away looking at his dead friend, his jaw is clenched and his arms hug him protectively. He doesn't notice when you take out the stone from his pocket.

"I'll go to Hades. Please take care and protect Renjun."

Before he can say a thing, you disappeared.

Jeno was in charge of taking the precious metals so he needed the permission of Hades, Hyuck robbed a stone from a demi-god who used to brag about a stone that meant Hades' protection. Somehow, you have to try talking to him to make a deal to save Hyuck, only the god of the underworld could help you.

Even saying his name out loud can doom you to the underworld where your soul would stay with him forever. But you can't lose him, there's no choice.

You run to the forest and scream his name out loud, begging for him to help you save Hyuck. He could punish your soul when you die twice as harsh for what you did, you would embroider the most beautiful capes in the universe if he wanted to, you could help him here if it's needed. There's no exact way to get to the underworld so you just hope for the best as you beg and promise things like you are not scared for your own life.

"Hades, please God of the underworld, I'm calling you because I have no one else to go to. Thanatos wouldn't hear me as I'm a murderer now. Please! I need your help!" You look everywhere searching for any signal but you don't feel like you are even heard, your own echo being the only companion. When your voice gets hoarse, you just sit down picturing the last time you saw Hyuck: being murdered for not calling you out, you want to scream and cry but tears won't fall as they should. Tears are a sign of giving up and you are not going to cry grieving yet.

You'll fight for your best friend.

"It's JaeHyun." Says a male voice from behind and you quickly stand up, searching for the dagger you have. There's none, still you put yourself in a defensive position and he smiles. "You shouldn't be so brave when I'm allowed to punish you twice."

"What?"

"I don't think you are this slow when you literally summoned me because of a friend, do you really think you can defeat death?" A subtle wind surrounds him as it turns dark around him.

You gulped at the man that has his neck full of drawings in full black ink. There's this soft black fabric around his body, his hair is slicked back, you could recognize his face from far away. This is also your first time meeting the God of the Underworld.

"How do I know you are not a dark magician trying to fool me?"

"I guess seeing someone breaking your loveable friend's neck may be shocking enough to not recognize Hades when you have him in front of you." He raises an eyebrow as you stay silent still searching for any sign of him lying. "You'll have to follow me."

"Where?"

"Where do you think we'll talk about saving a soul if not in the underworld?"

People despise him because he takes souls to the underworld and never returns them, even saying his name seems like a death wish. However, there's few options left and dark magicians wouldn't want to treat a slave.

Your feet seem to follow your thoughts and quickly walk towards Jaehyun. He smirks when your sweaty hands meet his as he offers them to take you to the unknown.

You quickly close your eyes and pray to whatever deity to see the guys one more time after this.

"You must be the people Y/N lives with?" Says a tall man as soon as he enters the cabin where Jeno and Renjun are watching in awe how Hyuck's wounds start healing but he doesn't wake up. If Jeno didn't see this, he was ready to run after you because it's been a couple of days since you were gone. 

Renjun quickly stands up and goes to meet the man, Jeno prefers to stay besides Hyuck as he observes the man with jewelry on his left ear. His weird clothes also makes him notice he's not from here.

"So he's not dead, huh? Of course he wouldn't die." He scoffed and Renjun let's a deep sigh, that means you are still alive. However, when the soldier tries to get closer to Hyuck, Jeno takes out his sword. "You don't want to, little slave. I just came here to give the message that your Y/N is alive so don’t make a fuss plus you shouldn’t be so cozy, your energy is coral when I talk about her.”

Jeno thinks this man is despicable but at least he had good news, you're alive. But where has he seen him before?

"Who asks Hades for help? Shouldn't you be sacrificing someone to Zeus? Why me?"

"As a mortal, I can't talk crap about gods."

"So you think crap about them." The amused smirk Jaehyun gives you makes you feel caught, he is Zeus' brother anyways. Your lips make a thin line as you shake your head, clearly remembering you are talking about his brother. “What’s exactly the deal you want to do with me?”

"Don't let Hyuck enter here, save him. He's still young and he deserves it, more than me. I could explain a lot of things he has done for people, he is not just my assistant-" Words come out hurriedly, the tint of anxiety is making you feel really small next to him.

“You know I can see people’s energy, right?” When he orders his servants to bring herbal tea, your cheeks flushed, Jaehyun laughs and continues. “Calm down first, you don’t need to tell me about it, I already know your little group of heroes.”

Your nervous behavior stopped and your hands got cold instantly, the sweat started to run slowly through your forehead. “Hey, hey. Did you really think you could basically take my place and punish sinners without me knowing that?” Racing thoughts start messing with your mind as you forget this little detail, you gulp when Jaehyun grabs your jaw softly but firm. “Were you mortals playing to be god?" He approaches and whispers in your ear "Did you want me that bad to notice you?”

Your jaw tensed trying to push him away but it was useless as his strong body didn't move an inch. "That's not true!"

"Why not? I like that, you've got protection for that reason. I don't like seeing you cry, your little toy alive would be your reward as I still get information from all of you."

"What?"

"I sent Johnny for a reason, sweetheart."

Jeno feels your voice and runs to you, quickly searching for your face and holding it with both hands. His restless eyes soften at your smile, he doesn't mention the man who came in the name of Hades because everyone is surprisingly alive and doing well as Hyuck finally wakes up when you appear.

Something feels off though.

You feel his hot breath on your neck, the way it tickles on your clavicle makes you leave a shaky breath, your lips make a thin line as you cursed because he smirked. It's ridiculous how you let him fool you.

"What do you want?" Usually, you would've put his hand on your waist or maybe caressed his face to tease him a bit. You don't move an inch as you look at him emotionless.

"Why are you being like this, Y/N? Aren't you in the mood of being wild and using me a bit more?"

"Johnny, if you wanted to give information to Jaehyun, you should've just told me you were Hades' dog first." You messed around with him thinking he was just a flirty asshat guard that always gave you information about the sins and corruption you chased silently with the others. His expression hardened and pulled away, so you finally met him and he told you everything he thinks. This sort of carnal relationship you both have wasn't in the order but it felt good and it was easier to keep the conversations private, it was ridiculous for him to talk with a mortal in public.

"He let you call him Jaehyun?" The scoff he gives makes you raise an eyebrow as he looks disgusted by it. 

Johnny followed such stupid orders of getting out of the underworld to search for an insignificant human because Jaehyun said so. You are interesting enough for Hades, who let only the people he treasures the most let them call him Jaehyun, you're ruining the rules of the underworld kingdom as no mortal has been there alive or under Hades' protection before, it's ridiculous for the God of the Death protect a person from his own kingdom! He even asked his most loyal soldier, son of Thanatos demigod to protect you? It's so humiliating, he wants to kill you himself. 

"Are you really asking me that? You fooled me! I thought you were on my side!" 

"Why? Did you think we were going to be a loyal couple or something like that? We are just taking information from each other when we are naked. Isn't it fair like the justice you fight for?" You are speechless, he is kind of right about that but he promised to not tell anyone. Maybe Jeno should take the lead in searching for new stuff now, he doesn't seem like someone who would protect you either, he looks at you from head to toe and maybe his roughness wasn't just passion, he genuinely despises you for a reason you ignore.

"Weren't you here to protect us? I guess you didn't get your master's orders."

"To protect your little lovers? I just came to make you sin, Y/N. And you loved it." He grabs you by the neck and talks against your lips clearly annoyed by your words as always, he wonders if that Jeno has already confessed to you. You don't even flinch at his behavior, there's a smug smile on your face. "You are not him, Johnny." "Do you really think I'm playing? I can send you to the underworld in a finger snap."

"Why don't you do it then?" 

He wants to but Jaehyun would have you then and why should a simple mortal be there?

Bring her to me Johnny, but don't kill her. Protect her and convince that lady to be part of my reign, she is punishing people in a sweet way as they pay in life for their stupidness. I don't know if she is a good element or not, find out first. If she is just defying me, tell me and I'll make her pay with the biggest punishments here alive. If she is good, I'll make her my queen.

And Johnny hated that he always ended up in your bed. With the stupid human who also hated him because he was to her eyes 'a dumb guard that took care of dirty business', he was ready to tell JaeHyun that you were defying him and to torture you because you can really seduce mortals and gods. But it was too late as you met JaeHyun, no matter his effort for you to not go to him, he even killed the ma'am and every witness of your good actions.

He has been running away from Hades as you were clever enough to notice his interest in you, using him as an alliance. Your words seem convinced that justice was the rule in this world as you mocked Zeus without saying his name as he didn't do anything to the bad rich. Endearing how you challenged everyone behind dresses and needles, you were really stupid and he would listen to all of this.

He just told the half of the stuff you spoke to Jaehyun, he feels he has the right to know and hide your secrets. Your stupid secrets.

"You don't know anything."

His burning stare doesn't stop as you peck his lips. "I hope you were not too explicit in details to Jaehyun. That would be too awkward."

"Why, you gave him your body too?" The harsh sound of the slap echoes the empty room, his own words make his breath hitch in rage. That would be fucking disgusting for him to even imagine. 

"You act like you don't care but you wish you could claim me, huh?"

"That's the most ridiculous question I've ever heard."

"Then answer it, Johnny. Why would you betray me for her if that's not the reason?" Says a very known voice from behind, he gulps. Hades is here.

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