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chronicowboy · 9 months

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tomorrow will always and forever now be today (tomorrow is our always and forever) | 43k

"Think I can get a hug from my best man on my wedding day?" he asks, quietly hopeful in a way that makes Eddie want to tear off his skin.

"Sure," Chris replies with a shrug, turning to throw Eddie a cheeky grin. "Dad, Buck needs a hug."

Two things happen at once then: Eddie has to plaster on a smile authentic enough to convince the one person on this planet that knows him inside out—except he doesn't really have to fake his smile, not at first, because of number two—he sees groom-Buck for the first time. And groom-Buck is every bit as beautiful as Eddie might have imagined him over the years. Happy eyes bright and blue, pink lips stretched wide in a beaming smile, cheeks flushed pink with joy, hair carefully styled and stunningly golden in the morning sunlight. He's half-dressed too, tux jacket still on the hanger on the back of the chair, so Eddie gets an unbarred view of Buck's white shirt stretched taut over his biceps, shoulders, abs.

For a moment, Eddie falls into the greatest betrayal his brain has ever laid out for him, imagining that he might have got to see Buck like this for the first time from the other end of the aisle if he'd just been brave enough to—

"I think he meant you, kid," Eddie teases as he drops their suits to the couch. He widens his stance, so Jee can run through his legs and evade another of Chimney's grab attempts, then he ruffles Christopher's curls as a steadying act before he's suddenly in front of Buck. And he tries not to think about the pathway cleared through the living room by Jee's chase, or the fact that they're under the archway between the kitchen and the dining table, or the knowledge that Bobby is an ordained officiant where he stands behind them. "Hey, Buck," he says softly, smiling genuinely now because this is Buck.

"Hey, Eds," Buck murmurs back, and it's the first time since they'd promised to have each other's backs that Eddie can't quite decipher the emotions making Buck's voice thick.

Eddie wraps him in a hug then, careful and detached as he can manage, but it's Buck in his arms, warm and alive and his for just a few more hours. He doesn't let himself hold Buck's hips like he used to before—before he'd realised why he'd wanted to hold Buck's hips so tightly—just splays his fingers over Buck's back and tries to focus on the soft cotton under his palms rather than the way Buck's temple rests so perfectly against his. Eddie stays there, for too long probably, fingers digging in too tight possibly, and squeezes his eyes shut when they start to water. He's clinging, and he tries not to think about how it feels a little like Buck is clinging to him too.

"Ah," Eddie huffs as he pulls away, taking two steps back just to be safe. He catches Maddie's eyes on him then, sadder than they should be for the happy tears she'd been crying just before he'd got here, and Eddie wonders if her big sister omniscience is working on him too. "Come on, Buckley. Got to make an honest man out of you sooner rather than later."

"Whilst we're on the topic," Chim intervenes, a wriggly Jee on his hips with two shoes on—finally. "Are we sure he should be wearing white?"

(OR: eddie gets trapped in a time loop on the day buck marries natalia)

@butchdiaz @danielsousa @shitouttabuck @alyxmastershipper @diazass @911-on-abc @folk-fae @stagefoureddiediaz @jeeyuns @piningeddiediaz @robsumagpie @athenagranted @prince-buck-diaz @eddiediaztho @carryingbears @ladydorian05 @made-ofmemories @sherlockcrossing @violet-rot @binickmiller @rainbow-nerdss @thatnamewill-probably-change @ducksbellorum @organizedstardust @mangacat201 @faggotjoness @sibylsleaves @kaseysgirl86-blog @daughter-of-winterfell @thisyearsloveisnow @goodiecornbread @wordsofdiana @thehumongouskargomice @xandromedan @acebuddie @girlnamedjesse @pirrusstuff @angstydiaz @haradrimculture @pinky-promisesss @starlingbite @dontneedmyheart @spaceprincessem @shortsighted-owl @buck2eddie @diazly

#sami rambles #SHE'S FINALLY HERE #ahhh im so excited for you all to read this one #please remember i gave myself carpal tunnel syndrome writing this and wrote through the agony #do compensate me with signal boosts kudos bookmarks comments asks etc.#911 fic #911 fanfic #buddie fic #buddie fanfic #buck x eddie fic #palm springs au

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bougiebutchbinch · 6 months

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On Izzy Hands

Popping this on this blog too, just so it'll show up in the tags... My superior alternate suggestions for a S2 ending are under the cut. We all know I'm right.

Honesty Hour time. The reason we were all like 'I bet he's going to die' is because WHENEVER a character has a cool redemption arc OR a queer character comes out and experiences genuine queer joy for the first time in their life, their mortality rate goes up by 90%. But it was such a disappointment to be proven right.

I think we all expected better of the writing team. They've committed to doing genuinely new and interesting things with this story in the past, rather than just trotting out tired old tropes! But... not in this case.

People say they want more Zuko-esque redemption arcs, but we can't have that if every character who was A Bit Of A Dick at first gets killed off. And... c'mon. The whole arc of Izzy finding a family in the crew, and healing after being abused awfully for ages, and finding happiness, and openly embracing his queerness and disability.... then just randomly getting shot by a dude? Not even as a dramatic 'protecting someone' sacrifice? He just randomly got shot?? And we're all supposed to feel sad about that rather than just kinda let down?

Yeaaaaah, I do not think they achieved what they were going for.

I understand that a lot of that was because they had to shorten the series SO MUCH more than they wanted, but still.... it would have cost nothing to let Izzy just sail away with the rest of the crew as the Captain of the Revenge, while Ed and Stede retired!! It felt kinda like they were building towards that all season! Hell, that would've been a more meaningful progression for all of their characters.

We could still have had the scene where Izzy tells Ed he has family and that he's loved! We could've had a fake-out death where we had all the drama and expectation that he would die! Then in the last scene he comes out as the new captain to officiate Lucius and Pete's wedding!

We'd have Ed and Stede letting go of Blackbeard for good and building something new together on land - but we'd also have Izzy finally moving beyond the 'Blackbeard' persona he helped Ed create (and, arguably, did more for than Ed!). He'd be a captain who actually gives a shit about his crew, but who has learnt from Stede and Ed the importance of being a bit softer and gentler rather than brutally efficient 24/7. He evidently already admires Zheng (the face journey he goes on when she downs the big guy at Jackiez is ... it's sure something!) and I want a million more hours of them interacting. I bet they could be a super-funny duo. Plus, he could inevitably drag Stede and Ed back in next season! And get revenge on the prince who shot him!

It would've been perfect.But no, they had to kill him off because the OT3 potential was too strong, and bury a career pirate on land. Meh.

I'm tempted to watch the next season, if there is one, just for Olu/Jim/Archie/Zheng, but I can't say I care that much about the writing anymore. I won't be crying if the show does stop here, but I will be crying over everything that could have been!

#izzy hands #ofmd #our flag means death #ed teach #stede bonnet #ofmd meta #blackbonnet #steddyhands #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd spoilers #dizzy izzy #izcourse

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munson-blurbs · 1 year

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I loveee your blog. I was wondering if you could do a fic about picking Eddie up from a party but he’s really really drunk and he promised his gf he wouldn’t go over board but he did maybe some angst and fluff. You can decide the rest. 🤍😁

Oops this got away from me. Sorry if it’s too rambly.

Warnings: some language, angst to fluff, insecurity

WC: 2.3k lol

You wish you could say you're sleeping when the phone ring at 2 AM, but you're still awake, cramming for your history test tomorrow. You've been staring at the review sheet for so long that the words start to go blurry. Eddie was supposed to study with you after his Corroded Coffin gig, but he never showed.

Brrrring!

The ring breaks your focus, and you grab the receiver before your parents wake up. "Hello?" you say cautiously.

"Hey, Y/N," it's Gareth. He sounds exhausted as he relays the message to you. "Eddie got wasted and is refusing to leave the bar until he can see you."

You sigh deeply, riddled with both concern and frustration. Eddie's on track to graduate this year--mostly due to your influence--and he's risking it all to get drunk on a random Tuesday night?

"Can you drive him to my place?" you ask, rubbing the bridge of your nose with your thumb and forefinger.

"Lemme ask," he replies, and you hear him call out: "Ed, we'll take you to Y/N, okay?"

"Noooooo," your boyfriend groans in the background. "Wan' her here nowwwwwww."

Gareth brings the phone back to his ear. "So, uh, that's a no-go."

"I'll be right there," you say through gritted teeth, pulling on your sneakers and grabbing your keys.

The Hideout is basically empty except for the members of Corroded Coffin. Eddie was slumped over in a barstool, resting his head on the counter. You march in angrily.

"C'mon, Eddie, let's go," you shake him awake. "We gotta get you home."

"Babyyyyyyy!" he exclaims, a drunken grin slowly stretching across his face. "Missed you s'much."

"You wouldn't have to miss me if you came over to study, like you promised," you counter, but you know there's no use arguing with him when he's this far gone.

Jeff scoots off of his stool and walks to you. "I'll help you drag his ass to the car," he offers, and you gratefully accept the help.

"Thank you guys for keeping him safe," you address the group, and they respond with weary smiles and a smattering of don't mention its.

You and Jeff guide Eddie to your car and usher him into the backseat.

"Wan' sit next to you, baby," he whines. "Wan' hold your pretty little hand and kiss your pretty little face."

You shake your head. "Lay down and just...be quiet, Eddie," you mutter, Jeff closes the door and wishes you good luck, and you thank him again before driving off.

"Y/N," Eddie pipes up from behind you, reaching out to touch your arm. You pull away as much as you can without jerking the wheel, "'re you mad at me?"

"We're not talking about this while you're drunk, Eddie," you respond shortly, annoyance evident in your tone.

He rolls over from his side to his back. "I hate when you're mad at me," he hiccups. "Just' wan' make you happy, sweetheart."

You want to scream at him, tell him that what would make you happy is him actually graduating this year, walking the across the stage to get his diploma, maybe even going to college with you. Instead, you clamp your mouth shut and focus on the road.

You leave your car running while you help Eddie out of the backseat and into the trailer. "You're not gonna stay?" he pouts, practically falling onto you.

"No," you reply tersely, "I have to get up in three hours to get ready for school. You know, that place you've been for six years? Where we have a huge history test second period?"

"Oh, shit," he exhales, and then laughs uncontrollably. "Yeah, fuck that place."

You bring him to his bed and place the garbage pail next to it. "In case you throw up," you remind him, heading for the door.

"You're really gon' leave me?" His laughs cease immediately; now, he looks like he's about to cry.

"Good night, Eddie," is all you can manage, too frustrated and disappointed to think straight.

Unsurprisingly, Eddie's not at school the next day. You successfully beg Mrs. Click to let him take the test tomorrow, saying that he has food poisoning. She buys the excuse, probably because of Eddie's newly-decent attendance record.

When he told you that he was determined to graduate, that '86 would be his year, you'd held him to it. You constantly reminded him of his goal, turned dates into study sessions, and had some pretty...fun rewards when he got answers correct. D-minuses and Fs gradually turned into C-pluses and B-minuses (with the exception of the "D" in O'Donnell's class, but you can't win 'em all).

You love seeing him motivated, tongue poking out of his mouth as he wracks his brain for vocabulary word definitions and math formulas. You love when he passes a test and hugs you tight, spinning you around, huge smiles on both of your faces. You love when he shows Wayne his grades with childlike enthusiasm, and the older man gives you a little wink.

You don't love Eddie's self-sabotaging behavior, and you plan to make that known.

That opportunity knocks earlier than you anticipate: he's sitting on your front steps when you pull into your driveway.

He looks up at you with his beautiful brown eyes. “Hey,” he says softly, fidgeting with his rings.

“Hey,” you respond. “Click said you can take the test tomorrow before school.”

“Thanks.” He bites his lower lip. “Can we, uh, can we talk?”

“Go for it. Explain to me why you thought getting plastered last night was a good idea.”

Eddie breathes out, puffing his cheeks. “After our gig, one of the regulars came up to me. He goes, ‘don’t see your girl out here tonight.’ And when I told him you were studying at home, he, um,” his eyes drop in shame, “he asked me what a smart girl was doing with someone like me.”

Your heart pangs with sadness, knowing how sensitive Eddie is about his intelligence, especially compared to yours. Still, it doesn’t excuse his behavior. “So a middle-age drunk makes a stupid comment, and you decide to get wasted?”

“He’s got a point, though,” he says sadly, “and it got me thinking...what if I don’t get into Indiana State with you?”

“First of all, he doesn’t have any point.” You take a seat next to him. “You’re smart; you just need help focusing on the right stuff. And second, we talked about that. You’ll go to Hawkins Community College for two years, get your grades up, and then join me.”

Eddie plows ahead, seemingly ignoring your response. “Or what if I get in, but I flunk out? Or realize that college isn’t for me?”

“Then you’ll figure out what you wanna do, Eds. There’s trial-and-error in it sometimes.”

He sighs. “I miss when I didn’t even try. Couldn’t be disappointed because I already knew I failed.”

You stand up and sling your backpack over your shoulder. “Sorry for ruining your lifelong pity-party.” You start to open the door, but turn around before the key clicks in the lock. “Y’know, Eddie, I really love you. I want you to graduate and experience new things, which is why I’ve pushed you so hard to study and go to class. But I can’t make you want it,” you give him a pointed look. “That has to come from you.”

“Well, maybe I don’t want that,” he shoots back. “And maybe we’re just too different.”

You take a step back. You’d thought this was just a typical argument, one that would be resolved with talking and time. “W-what are you trying to say?”

Eddie can’t even make eye contact with you; if he does, he’ll start to cry. “Thanks for talking to Click for me,” he mumbles, gets in his van, and speeds down the block.

Three weeks go by; weeks filled with tears and endless games of what-if that your brain likes to conjure up. Good things happened in that time, though: you found out you were accepted into Indiana State with a full scholarship. The first thought that crossed your mind, before even allowing yourself to celebrate, was I wonder if Eddie got in. That brought on a fresh batch of tears.

School is rough. You used to sit at Eddie’s lunch table, legs stretched out on his lap while he rested his arms on your thighs. You’d steal pretzels from his bag when we wasn’t looking, and he’d pretend to be furious when he’d inevitably catch you. Now you eat lunch alone in the library.

And the classes you have together? You do your best not to look at him, acting like he’s not even there. You’ve felt his eyes glance at you, but he quickly pulls them away. He’s made no attempt to reconcile, and you’re not about to force an unwanted relationship.

Finally, you decided to try and distract yourself, heading to Family Video to grab some movies. You definitely need to raid the comedy section, desperate to laugh after being sad for so long. You walk into the store, greeted by Steve saying, “Speak of the devil!”

He and Robin laugh at your confusion, so Robin explains, “We were just talking about you.”

“I figured,” you say amusedly. “Good things, I hope.”

“Just about how Harrington is going to fling himself off of Skull Rock if he has to hear Munson talk about you one more time.” Her answer is met with a subtle jab to the ribs from Steve.

You try to manage a chuckle. “Well, I’m sure he has nothing nice to say about me, since I ruined his ambitions of doing nothing for the rest of his life.”

Steve raises his eyebrows. “Oh, you don’t...she doesn’t know,” he turns to Robin.

“I don’t know what?” you ask, curiosity piqued.

“Um,” Steve hesitates, “Eddie’s still in love with you. He wants to get back together but he’s convinced himself you’ll say no.”

You roll your eyes. “He has a habit of thinking that, doesn’t he? I’ll reject him, colleges will reject him, the whole damn world will reject him.”

“Y/N,” Robin says softly, “isn’t that how it’s always been for him? His dad, the people at school...why would he think any different?”

Her words sink in, forming a pit in your stomach. “I guess...I just thought I showed him that I wasn’t like that.”

“And you did,” Robin reassures you, “but it’ll take time and patience for him to fully believe it. Right, Steve?” She turns to where Steve had been standing, but no one’s there now. “Uh, Steve?”

“Sorry,” Steve calls out from the break room. “Had to pee.”

You and Robin share a small laugh. Neither of you realize that he was lying until you hear the familiar rumble of Eddie’s van outside of the store.

“Steve, what did you do?” you hiss as Eddie parks and jumps onto the pavement.

“I’m fixing things,” he says with a shrug, pulling you into the back room. You hear the chime jingle and Robin’s voice saying, “She’s in there,” and before you know it, you’re face to face with Eddie Munson.

“I have something for you.” He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. You only have to read the first two lines:

Dear Mr. Munson,

We are pleased to offer you admission to Indiana State University beginning in the Fall 1986 term.

“You got in.” A few weeks ago, you would have pulled him in for a kiss so passionate, his legs would’ve turned to Jell-O. Now, you only offer him a small smile. “That’s amazing. Are you gonna go?”

Eddie nods. “Yeah. I won’t know what’ll happen if I don’t try.” He laughs after he says the last part.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothin’,” he averts his gaze, “that’s, uh, that’s what Harrington said to me when I was nervous about asking you out.”

“He’s always been good at meddling,” you mutter, not unkindly.

Eddie steps towards you, his hand softly nudging yours. “As soon as I got this letter, all I wanted was to tell you. I picked up the phone so many times but I could never work up the courage to dial the number.”

“I’m really proud of you,” you tell him. “But you should do what you want to do, not what you think I want you to do.”

He shakes his head. “I want to give college a shot. Don’t get me wrong, I’m scared shitless,” he admits shyly, “but I didn’t work this hard for nothing.”

“Well, then, that’s really good,” you offer weakly. “I’ll, uh, see you around.” You start for the door, but his hand gently grabs your wrist.

“Wait,” he blurts out, “please don’t go.” There are tears in his eyes. “I didn’t come here just to show you that letter. I...I still love you Y/N. So much.”

You swallow the lump in your throat. “I still love you, too. But...you said...”

“I know what I said. And I was being stupid, a coward, running away when things got scary.” You reach over to wipe the tears from his cheeks, and he lets you. “We’re different, yeah, but in a good way. You remind me to keep focused and stay motivated, and I remind you to enjoy yourself and break the rules every once in awhile.”

“We do make a good team,” you concede, allowing yourself to really look into his eyes. They melt you immediately. “But, Eddie, you can’t be getting drunk and blowing off your responsibilities any time you feel insecure.”

He nods. “I know. I don’t want to do that. It hurts me and it hurts you.” He sniffles. “Please, please take me back.” He drops to his knees and wraps his arms around your waist, making you giggle.

“Get up, dingus,” you say between laughs, borrowing Robin’s favorite insult. “I’ll take you back on one condition.”

“Anything,” he says, holding up three fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

“Don’t become that douche on the quad who plays guitar for the sorority girls.”

Eddie leans into you, pressing a smiling kiss to your lips. “That’s easy,” he says as he pulls away. “I only have one girl I wanna impress, anyway.”

#eddie munson #eddie stranger things #eddie x you #eddie x reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x f!reader #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things fanfic #fanfic #eddie munson stranger things #stranger things #requests

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fictionkinfessions · 9 months

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hey mpc! obviously no pressure to post this, just a suggestion since this blog has a decent following and we (supposedly) all like tumblr here:

reminder to everyone to submit feedback reports to tumblr.com/support!! @'ing staff isnt very efficient, feedback floods them with complaints about the new ui change!! we really should not let them think we're complacent about this, we're already dangerously close to both tiktok and twitter prior to this.

Shrug emoji oh sure I sent something but I have yet to see anything this userbase has done that has ever influenced tumblr staff. Well, positively, anyways.

Remember when partyjocker / partyjocking pointed out a tumblr staff was a huge harry potter stan and shipped like... underage ships? Aged up ships? Maybe, can't recall that detail right now. And maybe there's a reason there's rampant *isms and *phobes running around this site [because staff silence condones it or whatever that person said] Anyways, that person got banned for their troubles. And they just pointed it out, not even @/ed staff or the person's blog.

So like. Yell into the void, I guess.

Also remember all those silly log off for 24 hours protests? Yeah that shit didn't work. 'Pon Farr' is still banned here. Well, Pon Farr that isn't white or cishet, let's be honest here.

I'm sorry to be a negative nancy but realistically staff don't care. They never will. Longcat speed you if you do send something in. I will pray they don't ban your account for your feedback.

And yes I did send something in about this new layout. So there's that.

Connie / mod party cat!

#mod party cat #mod response #not confessions #mod party cat!

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blacktinnedpeaches · 11 months

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anyway - cw for eating disorder / weight loss talk. this is gonna get really long probably. im actually ok now im just typing to get my feelies out

my alpaca arrived today! it's really nice, i will buy the rst of it for sure

after my minor menty b earlier ben cornered me on the sofa and was so lovely about it all actually. i get the feeling that the ED stuff freaks him out more than anything else that one might call Cham's Madnesses, but he was v encouraging and kind + i think we're basically on the same page really - im genuinely ok but as he put it he's concerned ill be ok until the second i fall off the ok-cliff, and i know what he means lol ofc. he was like not really surprised by any of my feelings bc he (paraphrasing this) basically was like you like to talk about it like it's all in the past but in reality you've not spent any time at all dealing w/ your eating disorder thoughts (as opposed to behaviours) and i mean he's not wrong is he lol?? ah i hate it when he's right :/ he told me to put the brakes on re: the weight loss (to be fully transparent here ive been eating in a calorie deficit on purpose for ~9? months, and i say that only bc ive danced around the truth on here bc im v v v embarrassed that i "caved" to it) for the past ? years ive been fully on board w/ the idea that there is very little that separates purposeful restriction from "real" eating disorders + i am not sure where that leaves me now to be honest. i've said this before but i think the wedding + more specifically the fact that the bride is the absolute nexus of all the ceremony just freaked me the fuck out + the thought of looking how i looked in lockdown for this event was just unbearable and i was honestly just not able to cope w/ it. i honestly dont really know where THAT leaves me either - i feel in a v weird place atm with it all - it's not the same as when i was a teenager - im happy eating v varied foods and things i would have rejected outright when i was in my starvation era - like im literally eating 3 nougat bars for my breakfast atm bc i like them + they're fuckin delicious, which doesnt feel like big trouble. but the fact remains i have been purposely losing weight + betraying my own ideals for months. and i feel very frustrated that i wasn't "over it" enough to just fucking deal? just be a fat bride? ??? i cant even tell you how many hours of curvy brides boutique i have drilled into my own eyes to try and literally like force myself to believe that i as a fat woman was worthy of anything. oh my god!! in a slightly bleak way i do think that being more able to cook for myself now and making huge huge strides wrt contamination fear really just opened the door to this again. which would be v funny if it wasnt a bit tragic lol. THE MONKEY'S PAW... anyway as i said at the beginning i feel ok now + i guess im just wondering wtf to do now like i dont want to invite the devil to dance with me and i think that's inevitably what im doing every time i purposely restrict my intake but i also dont know if im strong enough to stop dancing?? i dont mean this to sound woe-is-me or anything like i am feeling quite pragmatic about it all i just am thinking like: how do i match my desire to feel beautiful at this huge event with my desire to not be a total bellend and finally: this is a personal blog, thi sis me typing about my feelings not an instruction manual for life, i am unsure if this is something i should be posting, but i think this is the reality for a lot of women to be honesttttt so idk if pretending it's not happening is that great either what should i do lads?

#like genuinely looking for input #i was planning on losing a bit more (yes i am self aware enough to read this and wince) but now im thinking like uh yeah

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sssssssssssscomplaining · 1 year

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why am i such a sad person. this wasn't meant to be me. i was the friend staring at my other depressed friends, confused because i couldn't understand and annoying because i couldn't help.

now here i am, typing in all lowercase looking over this blog full of my complaints. i'm even writing about sad girls and their actual disempowerment. yet i cant change.

i feel like the loneliest person in the world. and i know that's not true but i'll allow myself a little teen angst. as a treat. i have my partner and she's wonderful and we get along. but she's my only company.

and sometimes she will talk to me about how she feels lonely. and i don't mean to enter into a misery contest (especially one that is against her will) but i can't help but wince.

she has so many people who know her, and look up to her, and talk to her, and accept her, and play and talk and laugh with her. i know that you can still be lonely in a crowd, but these aren't strangers. these are friends she has known for years. that stick around. she exists to them.

i only really have her. and my family i guess. but i can't Talk to them. i'm once again, stuck in a little square room, alone with my thoughts. i think i have a real problem with feeling like i don't exist. feeling like i can't reach out into the world. to touch and to feel, to touch and to be felt. there has always been a curtain between me and the world. finn completely ignores me. we were friends. we were close friends. i relied on them, leaned on them, we went on walks together and talked about our lives. now they can't even look me in the eyes when we're in the same room. i heard finn and finn's gf footsteps coming through the ceiling, but i didn't once spot them for 3 weeks. i can't tell who the ghost is.

Almost no one reaches out to me. Ed does, which i appreciate. I should message him sometime soon. But no one reaches out to me who is in this city and could hang out. I messaged Phoebe from horrorsoc once, and we talked a little and it was good. And we used to talk every Friday before and after the movie. But she's never once messaged me, and she's been away from horrorosc for weeks. A failure in friendship.

Fransisca from Indonesia is here, of all people. My mom wanted me to talk to her. It almost felt like both of our mom's tried to push us together, like they were playing dolls. She didn't message me and i felt like it was either because she forgot i existed, or she felt awkward with how things ended in high school. so my gf convinced me to message her. and i did and it was good. we met up, walked around the city and the campus, sat down and talked for hours. it was really nice. and i felt like a real, existing person. made up of flesh and a body. a body that moves and feels, a body that is seen. and normal.

she told me to message her if i wanted to hang, i told her the same. but i haven't seen her since. it's been a week. i think i can see her this thursday at anisoc, but if not i will ask if she wants to check out the cat cafe in town, since i haven't been.

otherwise, i don't know what i would do. if i have the right to occupy her space and time. or anyone's for that matter. i want friends. i so desperately want friends. and i want to incorporate the world into me. i want to feel as though i am perceived as real. not just a shadow in the corner, or the accessory to my partner. to be ignored, to be overlooked, to be forgotten. i am simply sick of that.

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hasquetzorkukudoneanythingwrong · 3 years

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Interview

BB: welcome back everyone! So good to see you all here today! We're back for a 3rd time here on BB Channel! Like before we're joined by the lil cuties of Ed and Mari. But this time their parents have come to join!

Rex: hello...

Quetz: Hola!

BB: that wasn't a very strong greeting Rex!

Rex: I'm tired right now. Can't this wait?

BB: time waits for no one and neither does BB!

Mari: already this is super annoying! *sigh* so why'd you decide to bring them into this anyways?

BB: the people who follow this blog need to see how they're doing so long after Chaldea too! You two have had the spotlight for a while, so now you should share.

Ed: I mean... guess that's fair.

Mari: should anyone be dealing with this?

Rex: I'd rather not be here either.

BB: aaaww, don't be like that! This will be fun!

Quetz: that's a very hard sell BB.

BB: just humor me at least.

Rex: ...fine

Quetz: what are we even doing anyways?

BB: some of your interdimensional buds have sent in questions about how you guys are doing, and I'm here to get those answers for them!

Quetz: that actually sounds nice...

BB: what'd I tell ya!?

Rex: yeah yeah, pls get started.

BB: fine. First few are from my precious bombardier beetle! First one she asks: do you have any pets?

Mari: oof! Do we!

Rex: currently we have four dogs: 1 German Shepherd named King, a Pitbull named Sparks, a Dogo Argentino named Duke, and a Corgi named Marshmallow.

Quetz: but also we have a habit of adopting older dogs who aren't likely to get a home because of their age or rescues to give them a nice place to stay.

BB: aaawww, well ain't that wholesome?

Mari: we also have mom's bigass pterosaur!

BB: less wholesome. Next one from my dear yellowjacket: favorite foods?

Rex: PIZZA!

Mari: CAKE!

BB: whoa! Pump the brakes you two! No need to get too excited!

Quetz: ...honestly? I don't really have a favorite food. Just a bunch I like to eat and some I don't. If I had to choose, I'd say chocolate.

Ed: I'm a steak man myself.

BB: 2 sweets, and 2 savories. Next up! Who wakes up earliest?

Rex: Quetz

Ed and Mari: Mom

Quetz: ...I guess it's me... hehehe.

BB: honestly I'm not surprised. She's so damn athletic and even used to be a professional.

BB: next! Where do you all like to go for vacations and such?

Ed: mom and dad have a vacation home in Alaska.

BB: Alaska?! Why?

Mari: when warm weather is the norm for you it's nice to go to the cold to change things up.

Rex: yeah, it's actually very nice. Not too many people and beautiful nature sights.

BB: well to each their own. Another from my dear antlion: how long does it take to pick a movie or TV show to watch?

Quetz: hehehe, we're all so indecisive it takes ages to pick. It's not uncommon for us to give up after taking so long.

BB: you should work on that. This next one's interesting. My precious army ant also suggests a round of common household jobs and the like from each member.

Rex: hmmm

BB: she gave an example of like, who does the cooking?

Quetz: well it's both me and mi amor in that case. The kids aren't very creative.

Ed: hey! We're plenty creative!

Mari: no we're not, don't lie.

Rex: we only really ask that the kids clean their rooms and any messes they make. We handle most everything else.

BB: they should really show some independence tho. Can't coddle them forever.

BB: in the next one, Cadence asks about a house tour and if there's a jacuzzi.

Quetz: a house tour feels like it should be it's own thing.

Rex: yeah, but we do have a jacuzzi dude, so don't worry.

BB: next one's from Reen: she asks what would life be if you weren't in chaldea,

Rex: y'mean like now? I mean... it's a relatively normalish domestic life? With less work tho.

Quetz: si, I've made plenty from my lucha career before retirement we don't have to worry about money much. But mi amof still makes money just in case.

BB: well after that she asks: how was your life before and after meeting each other?

Rex: ...kinda sad. Aside from chaldea and saving the world, I was kinda just... stagnant. Go to work, go home and so on. Not much to my life before then.

Quetz: ...honestly, for me it was the same. After the age of Gods ended we didn't do much of anything. We mostly watched over humanity, I've been summoned in modern day before but that was rare and infrequent.

Rex: ...after I met Quetz tho... I dunno things felt... better? She kinda forced her way into my life after I summoned her and... I was more then ok to accept her... before long we had something beautiful...

Quetz: aww, mi amor! I'm so happy to hear that!

BB: ain't that sweet? Like me and my dear centipede. Final one from Reen: if you could build a dream home then where? (Can be in fantasy)

Rex: I mean... where we are now is good.

Mari: yeah, right at the border of a huge rainforest in the Yucatan sounds fine.

Ed: but what about the fantasy bit?

Quetz: hmmm... we don't really look at fantasy much. But maybe a castle of some kind?

Rex: or a Mayan temple? But with electricity and Wi-Fi.

BB: that's fair. Need those memes in your life. Now some from Kaz! First she asks: what kind of gifts do you give each other?

Rex: uuhh, well I like getting mi corazon custom things. Like some personal clothes, or even a portrait of the two of us.

Quetz: ehehehe, I like to spoil mi amor with extravagant things! Golden treasure and the like!

Mari: concerning...

BB: next, how would you spend the day if it's raining outside?

Rex: I actually enjoy rainy weather, so I like to chill near a window or even on the porch listening to the rain.

Mari: it's very soothing.

BB: how quaint. Last one from Kaz: whose good at cooking and baking?

Quetz: hehehe, that'd be me. Tho it might be considered cheating since I use my goddess power to help.

Mari: well no one else is the greatest normally so it's fine.

BB: a good 'ol better then nothing kinda attitude! Now we're back to Cadence but with more relaxed questions: what's the current house look like?

Rex: ....big.

Mari: like three stories tall with a DEEP basement.

Ed: like... 5 rooms too many.

Quetz: we also have an indoor pool.

Rex: the outside looks almost gothic, but partially taken over by nature.

BB: all this near a rainforest?

Quetz: si! Despite the size, all the nearby trees still tower over it.

BB: nature can get scary. I've seen worse and have been worse but still. Another one: how do family events function? Any specific holidays?

Quetz: ...most family events are just us... going somewhere nice to eat nice food...

Rex: do they mean bringing extended family? My family lives too far to visit often

Quetz: ...and I'd rather not speak of mine... things have gotten rocky as of late.

Mari: right, well for holidays we celebrate most standard one, like Easter and valentine's and such. For October we kinda try to combine Halloween and Day of the dead.

Ed: but Christmas is the most important for us! Mom and Dad always make the biggest celebrations for Christmas!

BB: gotta love the holidays! Especially when your mom is santa... still weird to say that. Next one! Any plans for the future?

Rex: eh... not really? I mean I want to prepare Maria to continue the family magecraft, since Ed has no interest.

Mari: someone has to continue on this lost practice.

BB: good to know it won't be lost to time like we thought. Next one! Daily life?

Rex: I wake up, eat, work on magecraft, spend family time, spend time with Quetz, go to bed.

Quetz: I wake up, workout, eat, workout, spend time with mi familia, lovely time with mi amor and then I sleep.

Ed: I wake up, take a walk, eat, practice soccer, spend family time, sleep.

Mari: sleep, sleep again, dragged to breakfast by mom, eat, eat again, mess with magecraft, eat, sit with everyone else, scroll thru my phone for hours, sleep.

Quetz: *sigh* mija, you need to change your priorities.

Mari: mmmmm... No.

BB: bad habits there Mari. Next they'd like to know if your in contact with anyone from chaldea? Other then me!

Rex: here's a real quick list: Marie, Mash, Kiara, Penth, Astraea, Martha, Ishtar, Gorgon, Jalter, The twins, your kids BB, etc etc.

Quetz: too many to list...

BB: nice you haven't lost contact! Next! About that Wedding?

Rex: well... it was eventful to say the least. Not long after completing the china LB. Most of the servants were invited, and most of Quetz's family showed up.

Quetz: si, Martha officiated it for us. Most of my family were so nice at the time... too bad that hasn't lasted.

Rex: let's not mention that...

BB: it was such a nice wedding! You two were so "nervous" you had trouble with your vows! How adorable!

Mari: why the quotes?

BB: no reason... now we're at the home stretch! Good 'ol Ash has some for stuff that technically hasn't happened yet, but you should still be able to answer! What responsibilities will Rex take on when he joins the pantheon?

Quetz: ...well he'll be largely a guardian of life on earth. Authority over things like the jungle itself, volcanos, and even snow... for some reason.

Rex: well it still snows in mexico... occasionally.

Quetz: and we'll be sharing authority over Venus! I wanted to share it with mi amor!

BB: cute! Hmmm, not sure if you cananswer this one just yet? Adjusting to God hood?

Rex: well I got to try it out a bit. Summoning lava and snow is... interesting. But also... my mind felt... odd... but also clearer? Not sure how to put it...

BB: I'm sure when you get there you'll get it... took me a bit after servant fest. And how did the other divinities react?

BB: actually I have some recordings of that to answer, so play the clip!

A screen appears showing recordings of some servants, one at a time.

Ishtar: eh! She's turning you into a god!? ...I guess you've earned it master...

Eresh: what!? Can you do that?! ...guess I won't see you in Kur... then again I don't think you have any link to Kur anyways.

Kama: do you really think your cut out for it? I mean... if it's just for you two to be together then I guess it's fine.

Astraea: godhood is a very big responsibility master. Are you certain you're up to it? Saving humanity is also a big task but at least that has an end point. This is... eternal.

Qin: oh! So you have decided to go for immortality after all?! Tho not the same as my methods, it is still good to see you two will be happy together!

Scathach: immortality? I've strived for death for so long... to see you go for immortality... Hopefully you'll find happiness, where I couldn't...

The screen turns off.

BB: very interesting! Most seem hesitant of it all... I for one think it's cute! Imagine in a thousand years you guys have a double date with me and my dear stag beetle!

Rex: ...a thousand years...

Quetz: still having trouble processing it all?

Rex: yeah... maybe when I get there... it'll be easier.

BB: now for today's final one! A scenario! One of you two goes berserk! What does the other do to calm them down?

Rex: well that has happened before... usually a nice hug is more then good enough.

Quetz: si! I've almost destroyed a few servants a few times until mi amor caught me in a hug! I can't bring myself to harm him... so I stop!

BB: sounds too easy... but I've seen that before so... I'll let it slide.

BB: well that's all the time we have for now! Hopefully you all are satisfied by the answers! We'll be doing this again, seeya!

Screen cuts out, the show's over.

Questions provided by: @hasbbdoneanythingwrong @havetheavengersdoneanythingwrong @has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong @renmeo @kazmetic @grievouslyxorvia

Other tags

@haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong @hasishtardoneanythingwrong @hasereshdoneanythingwrong @hasabbydoneanythingwrong @haskamadoneanythingwrong

#fate grand order #quetzalcoatl #wife #rexcoatl #mastersona #rex #bb #maria #eduardo

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omoi-no-hoka · 4 years

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Hey! I saw your blog today and I love it very much!! I see you're an open person so, I also have a question: HOW does one survive studying japanese at uni?? I'm in my first year and only my second (online haha) semester and we started out with Minna no nihongo 1 but we're supposed to finish Minna 2 by the end of this semester, same with Basic Kanji book 1 in the first sem and now Basic Kanji Book 2, all while also learning mostly of Japan's history and others in this semester. Exams will kill me

Hello! I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog! I am open to a fault lol. Let me recount my meandering journey through uni, illustrating my feelings through gifs of Noel Fielding because he is my celebrity crush.

Uni is such a difficult time for so many people, trying to figure out who you are now and who you want to be later. It wasn’t until my senior year that I realized what I wanted to do. I started writing out my university experience and it got super long, so allow me to just summarize my “Lessons Learned” here and you can read the rest if you want to know all the dirty deets lol. I double-majored in Japanese and English, so I think that my experience can perhaps be useful to people who are majoring in things other than Japanese as well.

Hard-Learned Lessons from Uni

Do not choose a course of study because it is “practical.” Choose it because it is something you love. Seriously. Nothing is more important than this point. Do not choose a major because “I’ll make a lot of money” or “My parents are telling me this is good for me.”

If you are learning multiple languages at once, you must give your brain time to organize what you learned from one language lesson before moving on to the next. You can do this by waiting a couple hours between lessons, getting up and walking around, studying one language in different space from the other, etc. Otherwise, it all becomes a terrible mess in your head.

It’s okay not to know what you want your career to be. It’s okay not to have a specific plan. Life works out one way or the other.

I know how expensive uni can be. (It’s been six years since I graduated and I’m still making hefty loan payments.) But don’t feel like you have to take a full courseload every single semester and graduated asap, particularly if the classes are hard and/or you are working. I took the maximum credit hours allowed every semester on top of working RIDICULOUS hours and it nearly killed me at one point. I’m not kidding.

It is not unusual to have an identity crisis and/or mental breakdown. Take care of yourself. Know when you are nearing breaking point. Seek out the help of professionals. Most universities have psychiatrists and therapists that will see you very cheaply.

Surround yourself with good people and look out for each other.

Do not rely on substances to ease your suffering because sometimes the remedy becomes the malady. Not saying you should avoid all parties or anything square like that, but just don’t be one of those people that parties every night and gets in over their head.

Let me preface this by stating that I’m an American, and our universities are stupid because they force us to take a ton of “general education” courses that are irrelevant to our majors, and many students spend their first couple years taking only a couple courses related to their majors and minors, and try to focus on getting those stupid gen eds out of the way.

Year 1: Oh Shit, This Is Harder Than I Thought It Would Be

I come from a town of less than 2600 people. Our high school prepared its students for the following career paths:

joining the military (boys only)

becoming a farmer (boys only)

welding, carpentry, or other practical jobs (boys only)

becoming a housewife (girls only)

So basically I coasted through high school never having to study anything because it was one great big joke, only I thought I was like super duper smart because I was in the top five of my graduating class of 48. LOLLLLLLLLL

I entered university as a German major, Japanese minor. (Japanese was not offered as a major at my uni). I had never studied German previously, but I studied Spanish and French in high school and I just had this feeling that German and Japanese were the languages for me.

The first semester, I had Japanese 101 and German 101 back to back, in the EXACT SAME CLASSROOM. I can’t stress enough how much of a mindfuck it was to go from thinking about Japanese for 50 minutes, having a 10 minute break, and then trying to switch your brain to German. IN THE SAME ROOM. It actually gave me headaches to try and make that mental jump. Managed to pull through the year with A’s in both, but German was much more of a challenge to me than Japanese. Which was really unexpected.

I also flunked several gen eds because I didn’t give a shit about them and skipped them and got placed on academic probation and was nearly kicked out of uni because of my poor grades

Basically, I was such a weeb that I had watched enough anime with subtitles and sung along to enough anime songs that I had absorbed about 90% of the first year’s worth of Japanese vocab and grammar through osmosis. I really did have the power of God and anime on my side.

Year 2: The Year of the Mid-Midlife Crisis and Mental Breakdown

There really is no gif that will encapsulate the level of turmoil I went through that year. I looked really hard for one, trust me.

It became apparent very quickly that I could not keep up with German. I ended up dropping it early in the first semester, which meant I had to choose a new major. Thinking of what would be practical to pair with a Japanese minor, I went for International Business for a semester, took Accounting, and realized that I HATE The Man, corporate bullshit, and also numbers as a concept.

All I knew at this point was that I liked Japanese but couldn’t make it a major. I also knew I didn’t want to transfer universities. So I kept taking gen eds, just barely passing them because to this day I cannot bring myself to put effort into something I do not care about, and also taking more classes related to my Japanese minor. It was the Japanese classes that saved my GPA and kept me from getting kicked out of uni.

At the same time, I took a creative writing course because that’s been a hobby of mine since elementary school, and I kinda thought about an English major, but then was like, “Eww I don’t wanna be forced to read books I don’t give a shit about. And also, what will I do with that degree?”

Also, at the same time, I was working full time, and often getting stuck working from 2 pm to 7 am (Yes, 15-hour shifts, because the overnight dude would call in sick last minute and I’d be begged to cover his shift), and then dragging myself to classes and drooling on the desks because I’d fall asleep.

Also also, I started to have possible hallucinations? To this day I don’t know what was going on, but either I was legitimately going crazy, or there was a demon following me around and being quite rude to me, making light fixtures fall and shatter inches from my head, throwing papers around my room, opening and closing doors, turning lights off and on, coming to me in dreams and doing some really, really traumatic things to me in them, and just standing in corners staring at me at all hours of the night. Had me so scared that towards the end of the school year I was waiting to sleep until sunrise, when it would go away. And no, I was not using any mind-altering substances of any sort. Not even going out and getting drunk.

So, yeah. Year Two was a hard one that I can’t believe I pushed through. Probably the darkest year of my life, I’d say. What got me through it? An unhealthy amount of energy drinks, friends, and my love of Japanese. Also Aerosmith.

Do I still see that demon? No. He vanished when the school year ended and I moved out of the dorms. Do I believe in the supernatural? Yes, to an extent. Do I think that what I was seeing was actually a demon? I honestly don’t know. I have had actual supernatural experiences verified by multiple witnesses, and a few years before Year 2, several friends and myself had seen an entity similar to what was following me around. But this one in Year 2 only did things when I was alone. So it could have all been in my head, and I will never know.

Since then, I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and also a form of insomnia that keeps me from sleeping through the night, and I know that my anxiety manifests itself in psychosomatic ways. In other words, my mind will take my anxiety and turn it into a physical symptom that feels real in every way, but is actually not occurring. So far it’s manifested as: sensitivity to sunlight, the symptoms of a stroke or heart attack, half of my face going numb, and headaches in my left eye. Once I realize that the symptom is just my anxiety, I can force myself to ignore and overcome it. But then my anxiety finds a new form to manifest, and the cycle repeats a few months later. It could be that my stress caused me to see this demon for a while.

Should I have consulted a psychiatrist and gotten help? YEP. If you find yourself struggling like that, seek help please. 💕

Year 3: Adrift But Afloat

I moved out of the dorms and into an apartment with my best friend, a Japanese girl I met in the dorms freshman year. I will call her Setsuko. Setsuko is basically the reason I graduated uni. She memorized my class schedules and took copies of exam dates, woke me up, forced me to go classes instead of skipping, forced me to go to the library and study with her, and cooked me dinner most days since she didn’t have to work like I did. I can’t express enough how much she did to improve my life outside of school and work, and how much that improved my mental health. She also acclimated me to lots of subtle things about Japanese culture just by living with her, and this helped me later when I moved to Japan. Thank you, Setsuko. 一生の恩人。

I was still doing those bullshit 15-hour overnight shifts way more than I should have, and also had the maximum courseload.

The Japanese classes got a lot more difficult in Year 3. But I loved them. They were the only classes I never skipped. I took more classes towards the minor like Buddhist Philosophy and Japanese History, which I really enjoyed. While polishing off more gen eds, I thought over what to do with my major.

My family and friends all told me that I should become an English teacher. I had always been good at words and at explaining things. But I didn’t really like the idea of being a high school teacher. I became an English major, though, because I knew that I didn’t hate English. Took grammar classes and HOLY SHIT did I hit my stride.

I realized that I didn’t like English lit. I liked linguistics. So I focused heavily on all grammar and linguistics courses, taking the bare minimum of literature courses required for the major. My GPA improved substantially.

Yet I still was consumed with this nagging fear. It was Year 3 and I still had no fucking idea what I wanted to do when I graduated.

Year 4: Clarity At The 11th Hour

Urged on by my “Don’t you dare get one of those stupid arts degrees that won’t get you a paycheck” parents, I decided that the most “practical” degree would not be “English,” but “English Education.” I began taking the English Ed classes with linguistics, grammar, and second language acquisition classes. The goal was to become a qualified English high school teacher who could also do ESL (since I had Spanish and Japanese under my belt more or less).

At the same time, I entered into Independent Study for Japanese with two other students. We were tasked with reading Izu no Odoriko, a classic short story. Independent study was its own beast. It required a lot more concentration and work on my part, obviously. But because Japanese was my first and foremost passion, I centered my efforts on those courses, and then on the others.

The process of getting certified to be an English teacher was lengthy and expensive in my state. This meant my graduation would be further prolonged, and I was worried about money, because I was already about $50,000 in debt at the time, despite working those fucking overnight shifts all the time that were eating me alive.

Then, during the summer vacation when my 4th year ended, I got a scholarship and went to Japan to study abroad. Education majors had the option to study abroad in several countries, and as luck would have it, one of them was Japan, and it was Setsuko’s HOMETOWN! The study abroad program itself was the first month of summer vacation, and Setsuko said, “Okay, just come stay at my house for the rest of summer vacation!”

Never have I said “yes” quicker in my entire life.

On the train headed from Sapporo to the town where I would be actually staying during my studies, I looked at the lush rice paddies and mountains in the distance and my entire heart just hummed with this “This is where you’re meant to be.” I knew then and there that I would move to Japan upon graduation.

What would I do there? Well, teach English, obviously.

My three months in Japan effectively aligned my entire life. My path had materialized before me. It was a roughly hacked, hard-to-see path through thick underbrush, but I could see it nonetheless.

Year 5: Let’s Hurry It Up, I’m Ready To Live

Come Year 5, all of my Japanese classmates that had been with me since freshman year were gone and I was alone. My professor taught me Classical Japanese through independent study, and it was the must grueling course I took my entire five years there. But I found it invaluable and am eternally grateful to him for teaching me, because you see Classical Japanese a lot more than you’d think you would in everyday life. Particularly in formal settings.

I still wanted to get certified to teach English in American high schools, because while I knew I wanted to go to Japan for now, I didn’t know if I wanted to spend my entire life there and I wanted a solid job opportunity when I came back to the states at some point.

However, the more education courses I took, the more I saw that the American education system was just as full of red-tape and The Man’s bullshit as corporate America, something else I rebuke with every fiber of my being. I also realized I’d need to take a 6th year of university, and that just wasn’t financially feasible for me. So I switched to a plain old English major with a heavy focus on linguistics and second language acquisition, and continued classical Japanese.

I took the remaining 3 gen eds online in the summer, graduated, popped up to Chicago to do a month-long intensive course to get the CELTA (Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages issued by Cambridge.) It’s the most widely accepted and revered certification for teaching English as a foreign language.

So in the span of five years, I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in English with a focus in linguistics and SLA, and what is technically a major in Japanese Studies. 40 credit hours were required for a major, and I completed 42 credit hours tied to my minor, so while it isn’t listed on my diploma as a major, I did the coursework. I also got a CELTA Pass B, which only 20% of applicants achieve and never expires. The grand total for all of this was roughly $100,000 USD in loans.

Post-Graduation

The week I came back to my hometown from Chicago with my CELTA in hand, I packed my suitcases, threw a going-away party, and then flew to Sapporo, where I began my first job after uni, teaching English to children aged 0-18 at a private English conversation school. I did that for three years before changing careers and becoming a Japanese-English translator/interpreter for a global company.

So how useful have my choices during university proven to be?

I’m sure I don’t have to explain that studying Japanese helps me tons with translating Japanese to English or living in Japan lol

Studying English grammar, linguistics, sociolinguistics, and second language acquisition has allowed me to recognize minute nuances that can make the difference between a successful and unsuccessful business negotiation when interpretation is necessary.

My background in education also means that I know how to present information clearly, concisely, and in a way that engages the audience. I am known as “The PowerPoint Pro” at work lol.

I also have a keen eye for performance evaluation, behavior analysis, and improvement action plans.

I offered English conversation lessons to coworkers for over a year, and now that is being done in other branches across the company! (Well, they were before COVID haha.)

I DO NOT RECOMMEND WORKING THE HOURS I WORKED WHILE IN SCHOOL. My grades suffered and I wish I had worked less and focused more on classes. However, by working 15-hour shifts and doing full days of classes, I developed a very good tolerance for overtime, which comes in handy in the Japanese workplace. Just last month I had three 15 hour days in the same week. Sweet, sweet overtime pay.

All of these facets have culminated in me earning a pretty nice promotion to 正社員 seishain back in February, which means I get nice benefits and basically my job is guaranteed until I die or the company goes under.

Should I decide to return to America someday, I will probably not go into the education field. Too much red tape. I will likely continue translation/interpretation for companies, because it isn’t too difficult and pays well. Though ideally I’d love to just make a living sharing cool information about Japanese and stuff, and maybe writing those stories that are bouncing around in my head when I should be working haha.

Do I think the debt is worth it?

Well, I don’t think I had any other option than to take out those loans. I didn’t have the means to learn the things I wanted to learn unless I went to university.

Unless Japanese work visa requirements have changed, you are required to have a bachelor’s degree in order to obtain my sub-type of work-visa, so I needed a degree of some kind no matter what.

Frankly, if I hadn’t gone to that university and met my best friend Setsuko, I don’t think I’d be where I am right now, living the life I am now. So just having met her is worth any price to me.

Paying off all the loans is daunting, especially when yen is weak to the dollar. There were months I had to ask my parents for help, especially early on. But now I’ve got multiple loans paid off, my salary has increased, and the “omg i have money and no supervision so I can buy whatever I want” idiocy has mostly gone away. But I did get a super sweet pair of blindingly silver Converses a couple days ago that I definitely didn’t need

Do I have any regrets regarding my time at university?

I still regret dropping Old English for a stupid English Ed class. Seriously, how cool would that have been? But I still have the textbook, workbook, and I contacted the professor last week and she was kind enough to send me a syllabus. God bless her. So now I’m working on that bit by bit, which is fun.

I wish I hadn’t been such a cocky, naive idiot my first year. Thinking I could just “show up for tests” was the stupidest thing. It messed up my GPA, and my parents forbade me from retaking classes so I couldn’t go back and fix my mistakes. I think I graduated with a 3.4 overall GPA out of 4, but my English major GPA was 3.9 and my Japanese GPA was 4.0. So it’s pretty frustrating to have those gen eds and my dumbfuckery mar my transcript like that.

I really didn’t party at all. Most all of my friends were straight-laced Japanese exchange students, and I was also working ridiculous hours so I just didn’t really have the time. A part of me feels like I missed out on that part of the college experience.

Recently I’ve been putting more effort into improving my creative writing by reading a lot of books on the subject. Not a small part of me wishes that I had gone with a Creative Writing major instead of English major, because I still would have studied all the grammar and linguistics. Then again, I do believe that creative writing can be self-taught.

I wish I hadn’t worked as much as I did. There were a lot of times I couldn’t complete assignments or I missed lectures because I was just so drained. It wasn’t even good money.

Well...I did not intend for this post to become as long as it has. I’ve been cooped up in my apartment with nothing but two goldfish for company for over a month now and I think I’m a bit stir-crazy. Thank you to anyone and everyone who bothered to read all of this and become my therapist for a bit haha. Love you all. Stay safe and well. 💖

#study japanese #learn japanese #university #college #study tips #mental health #love you all #asks are open #stay well #noodle-of-sunshine #noel fielding #studyblr #college study tips #university struggles #college struggles #study english #study english education #study linguistics

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