Tumgik
#we already discussed meds
scentedluminarysoul · 9 months
Text
My therapist agrees that I most likely have ADHD
So I'm the agender, asexual, asthmatic, ADHD'er who is probably also autistic.
Damn, now I really wish I was aromantic, too
4 notes · View notes
ink-asunder · 7 months
Text
Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.
#also “”“”medical necessity“”“” is NOT an excuse here.#ive been to plenty of doctors that thoroughly discuss a range/timeline of treatment and explain it IN DETAIL before saying “thats what i-#-recommend“ instead of just going ”okay were gonna do this. im gonna explain the prep to you a mile a minute and if you have any follow up-#-questions im just gonna repeat part of my spiel with no clarification. and if i cant answer your questions too bad :)“#not to mention how many doctors just force you to do things that WILL NEVER WORK#like one therapist tried forcing me to do emdr when i was only IN HER TOWN for the summer and i had no internet access when i was at college#im pretty sure emdr takes several weeks to work and i did not have that kind of time available to me. i couldnt just drop out bc of ptsd.#also the number of times ive had to decline an ESI is stupid. I've already had 2! they didn't work! i had a bad reaction to the meds!#why am i being forced to do it again?#also back surgery. i cant do that because i am a white trash rural kid and our home (which we built ourselves) CANNOT be accessible enough#for spinal surgery recovery. but i went to the surgeon and he was like “thats valid! and also surgery literally wouldnt help you so idk why-#-they sent you here.“ : l It's cool to be right all the time lol#its like. no wonder i developed medical demand avoidance after so much traumatizing and malpracticy bullshit in my life#demand avoidance#medical demand avoidance#chronic illness burnout#chronic illness#chronic pain#medical tw#ptsd#disability#medical neglect#medical trauma#vent#this might be too personal. if i do delete it ill have it rb'd on my boar-deer-whitetrashbutterfly blog first#idk i just havent really been able to find anyone else talking about this specific effect of being chronically ill/disabled.
23 notes · View notes
healingheartdogs · 1 year
Text
All of my planning and worrying didn't matter because he went on his own last night at home and it was traumatic as fuck for me and Selene both.
15 notes · View notes
jvzebel-x · 8 months
Text
🦋
#ive been in kind of a depressive low point for. a sec now lmao.#it swung down after the months of Bad Mania in response to the meds balancing out i think idk.#either way ive been in a weird state of disassociative depression for a couple months now#but i can feel it swinging back as the month goes on&we get closer&closer to autumn lmao.#right about now for a couple different reasons is when my Internal Balance starts to shift yearly in response to the anxiety#that i wasted all the sunshine. 🫠🫠🫠#idk. its putting me in that weird spot where my depressive episode isn't exactly Over yet#but i can already feel that buzzing in my bones going on lmao.#its also bringing up weird thoughts i guess as my brain scrambles for actual reasons to be so anxious#&just like when i wake up in pain that always bleeds over into reasons to be Angry not Anxious bc Angry is easier lmao.#like hypocrisy has been a topic of discussion in my life recently bc of everything back home&if i let my head spiral for too long#ill end up back at the point where my shithead ex told me for 3yrs that i was a hypocrite w double standards#w his primary example being that he Let Me talk to other guys but i didnt Let Him talk to other women#w the one sole example being how after i moved my entire life across an ocean to an entirely foreign place where i had no support but him#i was made extremely uncomfortable when i found out he'd been talking to his ex during the entire process.#so my attitude toward that translated into i guess a weird boundary that i never actually set bc he enjoyed to call me a hypocrite lmao.#its just weird having my thoughts slide from discussions about hypocritical actions involving Lahaina&its handling by the fake state#over to old thoughts about how i just let someone call me a hypocrite to my face for years bc he wanted to w no actual reason lmao.#&this sort of All Over The Board weirdness is really only something that happens in these strange Inbetween times for me.#... pls for the love of everything holy let this fucking be over soon lmao i solve these problems Poorly bc these time periods#wreck my impulse control lmao.
2 notes · View notes
vydumaj · 9 months
Text
both my mom and my sister really need to contact hospitals rn and it’s stressing me outttt
2 notes · View notes
knifewieldingenby · 2 years
Text
Sometimes I think about my PCP who, despite getting me registered for medical marijuana, wouldn’t fill my adderall at the start of the semester until I had a negative drug test (her choice, not required by insurance) vs my NP who, after telling them I eat edibles every night to help me sleep because the five different meds they put me on didn’t do shit, responded with “well…I mean, if it’s working, why not?”
7 notes · View notes
cobrakaisb · 2 months
Text
ballad of a homeschooled girl
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
summary: a new arrival at camp half-blood is anything but extraordinary, but your attachment to the broody head counselor and claims of a mother who supposedly has no children cause suspicions to arise
word count: 3.9k
featuring: broody!luke who is somewhat soft for reader, angst, reader seems delulu (but she’s not trust 🤞), mostly primer for my upcoming luke series  
series masterlist ||| next part
the air is humid, causing the sheets to stick to your already clammy skin. you shift in the small cot, peeling the bedding off your skin, relaxing when the cool breeze caresses your arms and legs. it’s peaceful, and your chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm. just as you’re about to cross back into dreamland, a girl’s voice causes your eyes to open. 
“she’s waking up! look!” she yells, and you know that she’s pointing at you. 
you sigh, propping yourself up on your elbows. you look around drowsily, trying to make sense of your surroundings. it’s when you make eye contact with a girl who has light pink hair, that you realize you’re no longer walking down a busy city street, hustling through the crowd. confusion settles in, and you wonder how you ended up in this infirmary, and whatever happened to that crazy lady who was trailing you. you open your mouth, trying to speak, but the girl just shoves a cup with a straw in it towards you. 
“drink,” she demands. 
you hesitate, uncertainty clear on your face. how can you even trust this girl? she seems to sense your emotions, because her hand rests gently on your forearm, pushing the drink closer to your chapped lips. 
“drink,” she repeats, and you nod. 
a small sip can’t hurt, you decide, and your lips wrap delicately around the straw. as you drink the liquid, you realize that it tastes like the pina coladas your dad would make with the fresh pineapple from the farmers market over the summer. you smile fondly at the memory, relaxing further into the uncomfortable mattress. you sigh in relief, feeling the throbbing in your head diminish. the tranquility, however, doesn’t last for long because the girl with the pink hair returns. 
“i’m anna,” she starts, taking a seat on the edge of your bed. “how much do you remember before you got here?” she continues. 
“where is here exactly?” you ask, shifting in the bed to put some distance between the two of you. 
her eyes widen, and something along the lines of confusion and distrust cross her features. she doesn’t say anything, just spending a few minutes analyzing you. a wave of self-consciousness washes over you; do you really look that distraught? 
“you have no idea what you are, what we are,” she mumbles. there’s both amazement and sympathy in her voice. 
“i’m a girl, if that’s what you’re asking,” you snap, crossing your arms over your chest. 
she laughs at you. “you’re in for a rude awakening,” anna replies between giggles.
the next day, you're walking out of the infirmary with strict instructions to go see chiron. you have no idea who this guy is, but all the med staff assure you that you’ll know when you see him. it’s only when you come face to face with a half-horse, half-human -- a centaur -- that you understand exactly what they meant. he smiles at you, and you assume that he’s trying to be comforting, but you still feel so uneasy.
“come. we have a lot to discuss,” he says, resting a firm hand on your shoulder as he leads you towards another room in the old victorian house. 
you nod, walking along the veranda towards an open-aired room. the walk feels like a thousand years, as other campers point and whisper in your direction. you want to shrink in on yourself, but you don’t. miraculously, this air of confidence envelops you, and you march into the room with steady and sure strides. the other person in the room looks at you and chiron. he’s older, adorning black sunglasses and holding a diet coke. he rolls his eyes at the sight of you, getting up from his adirondack chair, grumbling about how much he hates kids and wishes he could have a drink. you raise your eyebrows, looking to chiron for an explanation, but he just shakes his head. 
“sit, then we’ll talk,” he promises, gesturing to one of the empty seats. 
once you’re both seated, it’s quiet. you don’t really have anything to say to the older man in front of you. you’re still confused by anna, and all the cryptic comments she made these past two days. you have no memory of how you got here, or why. nothing makes sense to you. 
chiron seems to know that though, as he says, “i understand this can all be very confusing. so let’s start with the basics. you’re at camp half-blood, a safe haven for demi-gods. for people like you.” 
he pauses for a moment, probably expecting you to say something, but you don’t. instead, you turn to the left, staring out to the water. it’s so serene, completely contrasting your inner turmoil. when chiron realizes you don’t have anything to say, he continues on:
“here you’ll prepare for battle, complete quests, make friends, and live your life free of worry. at the end of the summer, you’ll have the option of returning home, or remaining as a year-round camper. for now though, i’ll have one of our older, more experienced demi-gods give you a tour. unless of course, there’s something else you’d like to discuss?”
the way he’s looking at you suggests that you should have more to say -- some deep dark secret waiting to be revealed -- but you don’t. he waits, but once you don’t acknowledge his words, he sighs, rising from his seat. you follow, moving towards the door with him. as you hand grasps the handle, it tumbles open, and your body moves forward. thankfully, you don’t crash to your feet, or collide with the person in the doorway, but your cheeks flame in embarrassment. 
when you look up, you’re surprised to see a boy. he looks to be about your age with his tall stature and muscular frame. his face is blank, almost bored looking, except for the hints of anger and annoyance in his brown eyes. his jaw is firm and locked, as he crosses his arms and gives you a once over. he hates me already, you think, and while you wish you didn’t care, it stings just a bit. 
“this is luke, our head counselor. he’ll show you around camp, and help you settle into the hermes cabin, your temporary home,” chiron explains. 
you nod towards luke, but don’t comment on anything chiron says. without another word, he turns on his heel and marches down the steps of the front porch. his pace is brisk, and his long strides make it hard for you to catch up with him, but you manage. once you’re walking side by side with him, it’s quiet between the two of you. he doesn’t point out any of the details, and his speed makes it hard for you to actually absorb anything. 
“if you’re gonna walk so fast, the least you could do is explain what everything is,” you snap, annoyed.
he stops walking all together, huffs, and turns to face you. in the bright light of the sun, you notice his scar. it’s pale white and risen above the skin, alerting you that it’s still fairly new, and runs from the corner of his eye to his jawline. he should look scary or intimidating, but you only think that he looks angelic. you gasp softly at the realization, lips parting. his eyes dart down to your mouth, and there’s something almost sinister in his gaze when he finally starts talking. 
“archery range, lava wall, and training arena,” he grumbles, pointing out all the spots closest to you. 
instead of looking at all the places, your gaze is still focused on him. he rolls his eyes, facing forward and continuing on his walk. 
“if you’re going to ask me to point stuff out, at least pay attention when i do,” he snaps. 
now it’s your turn to roll your eyes as you follow him towards a horseshoe of cabins. each one is different and seems to represent their own thing. as you’re walking past the center, you notice that there are two lone cabins in the middle. you freeze. your head tilts as you observe the cabin on the right. you feel a strange pull towards it, and start following the invisible string tying you to the building.
“what are you doing?” luke asks, and from his tone you know his arms are crossed. 
“i need to go there,” you explain, looking over your shoulder at him. 
“the hera cabin?” he questions, following you. 
you nod, continuing on your path towards the cabin. you climb up the stairs, and tentatively touch the door handle. it creaks open, daring you to come inside. you turn back to luke, who’s waiting at the bottom of the stairs with an uncertain look in his eyes. 
“i have to go in here, but i have no idea why,” you explain, feeling something close to bashful. 
he nods, swallowing an imaginary liquid, before climbing up the stairs after you. he waits patiently behind you, his left shoulder grazing your right as the two of you stand on the porch. you want to go inside, need to go inside, but the rational side of you is preventing you from doing so. it all feels like a trap. 
luke, noticing your unease, mumbles, “there’s a barrier. nothing can hurt you here, not like they could out there.” 
he doesn’t clarify what the other there and in here are, but you know exactly what he means. the creepy, often imaginative figures you’d see out in the city aren’t present here. you haven’t felt their presence since you woke up in that tiny bed in the infirmary. whatever is drawing you to this cabin, is something else, a higher being. before you can continue to deliberate, you push open the door and step inside. 
it doesn’t look much like a cabin, rather a temple. the entire thing is made of marble, complete with large columns from floor to ceiling. on the walls, there are several engravings, and when you look closely, you recognize them as peacocks. your fingers trace over the intricate design, and your sense of anxiety quells tremendously. when you look towards the center, at the giant statue, you feel somewhat relieved. 
“this is my cabin,” you announce. the statement shocks both you and luke. 
“what? no it’s not. hera doesn’t have kids, that’s zeus’s job,” luke says. 
“c’mon, time to go,” he continues, grabbing your shoulder and trying to push you out the door.
you dig your heels into the floor, refusing to move. you know everything you’ve said so far sounds crazy, is crazy, but you have to be here. you try to come up with an explanation, anything to make sense of the situation, but remain empty handed. 
“you’re right. let’s just go. sorry,” you reply, letting him lead you back out the door and down the stairs. 
it isn’t until you step foot in the hermes cabin, his cabin, that you realize your duffle bag is missing. all the other kids, which is a surprisingly large number, have various personal belongings scattered around their sleeping area. some of them have comic books, others have small trinkets, and a couple even dare to show off their stuffed animals. luke walks further into the cabin, the crowd parting like the red sea. they’re quiet, and watch eagerly as he opens a closet door and pulls out a well-loved sleeping bag. the whispers don’t start until he waves you over, and places the item directly next to his bed. 
“you sleep here,” he mumbles, pointing to the spot on the floor. 
“what? i told you about the other cabin,” you shout, frustration present in your voice. 
the hermes cabin is quiet, all of them listen in on your conversation with their head counselor, their older brother.
“and i told you to drop it,” he replies, and there’s a subtle warning in his voice. you can’t decide if he’s trying to say this isn’t the time or place or if he’s insinuating that you’re fucking crazy and he wants nothing to do with it. 
“where’s your stuff?” he asks, completely changing the subject. 
you notice he does that a lot, but answer, “i don’t know. my duffle’s missing.” 
his eyebrows furrow at your words, and he crosses his arms again. he throws his head back, gritting his teeth. 
“alright! who took her stuff? cough it up, let's go!” he shouts. 
luke’s met with silence, which irks him even more. he turns away from you, facing the swarm of pre-teens and teens. he flashes them his most unamused look, one he’s been carrying with you all day, but continues to wait patiently. 
“somebody better own up to it, or i’m taking away dessert privileges,” he announces. 
the room immediately grows noisy with everyone whispering to each other. some kids are trying to determine who it could be, while others are fully putting the blame on their siblings. there’s even one girl who whispers about how luke never does this for anyone, so you must be special. 
you try to come up with an answer to luke’s question. who took your bag? but you can’t seem to figure it out. you know you had it with you when you left your dad’s house, but then things turned messy extremely fast. you remember the strap when that weird dog thing followed you into the alley, and how you grabbed it by the handles to shove it in the overhead compartment of the amtrak. but after that, everything gets kind of blurry; days melting into one. finally, you decide that it must not have made it to camp. 
you tap luke’s bicep, and he turns away from the crowd to meet your eyes. “i don’t even think it made it here,” you whisper, biting your bottom lip. 
luke sucks in a breath, nodding his head before turning back to the crowd. “never mind guys, as you were,” he dismisses. 
you crouch down, hoping to set up your sleeping bag and take a nap, but he stops you with a hand on your arm. he gestures for you to follow him with a tilt of his head, and you agree. he leads you towards the back of the cabin, outside a supposedly hidden door. when you step out into the bright sunlight, you stop and let your hand cover your eyes, but luke is already walking towards a forest. you follow, easily catching up since he’s walking slower, and match his strides. once the two of you are far enough into the woods, out of the earshot of nosey campers, he sits down in the grass, beckoning for you to follow. 
“tell me everything you remember,” he says, a serious look on his face.
you look down, fingers twiddling with the strands of grass. you pull your knees up to your chest, wrapping your right arm around your kneecaps as you continue to braid the grass with your left hand. from your observations, you know luke is anything but patient, but he doesn’t push you to say anything. he just sits there, palms splayed on the grass as he leans back on them, looking at the fluffy white clouds and clear blue sky. 
“i don’t know how i got here. i keep replaying everything in my head, but i wasn’t even near the woods. then, i was just here,” you whisper, finally looking towards him. 
you find that he’s already looking at you. intense brown eyes meeting your lost and confused gaze. he nods his head, signaling that he’s trying to process your words; looking for a meaning in the code, one that even you can’t decipher.
“why’d you leave?” he asks, and you stop fiddling with the grass. “your house i mean…why leave?” he continues.
he’s looking down at his bright red converse, and there’s a certain vulnerability in his gaze that you’re all too familiar with. you raise your eyebrows at his expression, thinking about what his question reveals about him. maybe he doesn’t have a family. and that thought just makes you sad, so you decide to answer him honestly.
“i love my dad, but there were too many odd things happening, things he couldn’t explain, and stuff my therapist didn't believe. there were winged horses, their manes the color of the pitch black night. or dogs the size of a dumpster, and then that brunette lady who follows me around everywhere. i just wanted to keep him safe, so i left,” you explain, meeting luke’s eyes for the second time. 
“i get that, wanting to protect your family, i mean. i’d do the same for my sisters,” he replies. 
you hum in acknowledgment, leaning back on your elbows and extending your legs in a straight position. you tilt your head back, enjoying the warm sun on your exposed neck, and the soft rustle of the flora around you. you turn your head, eyes squinting to look at luke, and your gaze is immediately drawn to the scar on the left side of his face.
“what happened to you?” you ask, tentatively. 
luke sucks in a breath of air. his jaw clenches and anger swarms around in his already dark eyes. his hands ball into fists at his sides, and you realize that maybe that was too personal of a question.
“you don’t have to answer,” you backtrack, “it just seems like a story worth telling.”
he laughs bitterly, “it’s not. my dad sent me on a fucking joke of a quest, and this was the result. all pain, no glory.” 
you frown at his words. you don’t want to pity luke, because you know that luke doesn’t want that from you. he wants people to understand him; to listen to his feelings of resentment and disappointment, and despite only knowing him for an hour max, you decide that you’d do that for him. 
“don’t beat yourself up about it. the gods are stupid anyway, my mother’s cabin doesn’t even have a bed for me to sleep in,” you say. 
there you go again with the mother thing.
“your mother can’t be hera,” luke announces, finality in his tone. 
“i know that. but i know that she is. she’s the one that’s been helping me; the one who brought me here,” you explain, finally making the connection.
luke shakes his head in disbelief, “i think you’re going crazy from lack of food.”
you open your mouth, ready to protest his accusations, but luke cuts you off with a fierce look and wave of his hand. he stands up from the grass, holding his hand out to you. you huff, but wrap your hand around his, as he helps life you off the ground and to your feet. once you’re on your feet, you go to remove your hand from his, but you find yourself face to face. he’s already looking at you with a mix of admiration and curiosity. no one’s ever looked at you that way, and you can’t fathom why he is. 
“what? is there dirt on my face?” you ask, pulling hand from his to wipe at your chin. 
he laughs, loud and joyous, then answers, “no. you’re just different.” 
you huff, again, and cross your arms defensively. “my therapist says i’m just unique,” you say. 
luke laughs again. his shoulders shake and he has to stop walking to gain his composure. you wait the few minutes it takes for him to collect himself, and feel the smile taking over your features. there’s something enchanting about his laugh, you think, and that thought scares you. you shouldn’t be getting this attached. not yet. 
“can we go to lunch, please? i’m so hungry,” you complain, breaking the aura of radiance and joy.    
the sound of your voice sobers luke up, and he nods in agreement. he doesn’t even acknowledge you any further, just walks through the path in the woods, towards the center of camp. his strides are back to being quick and long, and you struggle to keep up with him. but you chose to ignore it; you shut him out. 
the walk back feels infinitely longer, and you’re relieved to see the dining pavilion. it’s a large mess hall, with picnic tables inside the building as opposed to out. each one of them holds various campers, and you notice how there is a giant fire pit burning in the middle of the room. it seems counter intuitive; no need for the warmth of the fire in the stifling summer heat, which becomes more apparent now that luke’s cold nature is back. 
you chance a look at said boy, and find that he’s already watching you. without saying a word, his hand comes to rest at the small of your back; palm splayed on the region between your jean shorts and the hem of your bright orange camp shirt. he gently pushes you forward, and you comply, following his lead. as you walk, you hear the campers whispering. they’re not subtle. 
“that’s the new girl.” 
“anna says she’s crazy, has no clue what a demigod even is.”
“i heard she’s not even a real demigod, just someone to bewitch luke.”
“oh he’s bewitched alright.” 
you clench your jaw at their words, an angry fire in your eyes. you hate when people talk about you behind your back, and you’re not afraid to let these thirteen year olds know that. you whip your head around, so fast you’re surprised you don’t whiplash. as your mouth opens, ready to spew out insults, luke pushes you forward and away from the culprits. your anger only shifts from them to him. 
“what’s your problem?” you demand, stopping in your tracks to face him head on. 
“i’m not the one with the problem here,” luke mumbles. 
for some reason, that statement hurts you more than it should. you laugh bitterly, blinking back the tears that are threatening to come out. it’s been a day and everyone already hates me. 
“right, i get it,” you reply, stepping away from him when he tries to reach out for you.
“no that’s not what i meant,” luke says, desperation in his voice. 
“fuck this. i don’t even want to be here anyways,” you announce. 
before he can say or do anything, you’re out the door.
you wander through the camp grounds, fighting off tears. there’s no reason for you to be acting like this; people have always hated you, so why would camp half-blood be different? because it was supposed to be different, you thought. the path you meant to take, back to the hermes cabin, veers off course until you’re standing in front of the hera cabin. you don’t hesitate this time, to climb the steps and take refuge inside.
once the door closes, and the lock clicks, you come face to face with the looming statue. her eyes pierce your soul, and you sink back in on yourself. it’s a statue, you remind yourself, and that boosts your confidence somehow. you look her in the eyes, and swear her gaze meets yours. 
“why would you bring me here?” you ask, voice wobbly from the tears. 
“i hate it here! and i hate you!” you shout, stomping your foot like a child. you feel like a child. 
you sink down to your knees, forehead coming to rest on the ruffle of her toga. the marble is cool and smooth against your hot skin. the temperature change grounds you, and slowly, your tears subside. 
you decide, in that very moment, that these people won’t see you cry. ever.       
859 notes · View notes
hopal-foropal · 2 years
Text
psychiatrist keeps referring to some of my behaviors “coming from [my] adhd” so I’m thinking i may have to accept that I might have adhd soon
1 note · View note
lostfracturess · 4 months
Text
【 ꜱʏᴍᴘᴛᴏᴍꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇꜱ 】 ch. 03
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
x pairing professor!gojo x med student f!reader (medical au)
x summary he's arrogant, self-centered, and he's your professor. renowned for his brilliance in neurosurgery and infamous for his allure. too bad you have to work with him on this research team. now you're stuck with dr. satoru gojo, delving into the complexities of both the brain and the heart—and of how far you'd go for a love that could destroy not only him but you as well.
x wc 6.9 k
x warnings [18+] this story contains substance abuse/addiction, (rough) smut, mature themes, self-destructive behavior, (heavy) angst, mentions of death / illness / blood / abuse, graphic medical procedures. reader discretion is advised.
x author's note i hope you like slightly longer chapters, i didn't know when to stop with this one really. anyway, thank you for reading and feel free to leave your thought, i love to read them! & pls like or repost if you enjoyed, it means the world ♡
series masterlist + playlist + ao3 + wattpad
<- prev chapter | next chapter ->
Tumblr media
"So, anyone else feeling like their brain is about to explode?" you half-joked.
Yuta looked up from his notes and nodded. "Definitely. I keep getting the side effects of beta-blockers and ACE inhibitors mixed up."
The university cafeteria buzzed with the nervous energy of students prepping for exams. You joined Toge, Yuta, and Maki at a corner table, each of you clutching a much-needed coffee. The air was thick with the scent of caffeine and the sound of pages flipping.
"Statins?" Toge muttered as he rubbed his temple. 
"They're primarily for lowering cholesterol levels," Maki answered quickly.
Yuta let out a frustrated sigh. "Right, right. And anticoagulants? I still can't wrap my head around those."
You leaned forward. "Anticoagulants inhibit clotting factors in the blood. They're essential in preventing thrombosis and strokes."
Yuta gave a resigned look. "You two sound like walking textbooks. I'm sure I'll fail."
"No, Yuta, you've got this," you reassured him, though he seemed to be brainstorming backup career options already.
Suddenly, the atmosphere of the cafeteria shifted as Gojo and Geto entered. It seemed like the crowd naturally parted for them, their confident strides carrying them through the sea of students. You found your gaze irresistibly drawn to them as they joined the line, chatting casually. 
Gojo's eyes quickly scanned the room and landed on your group. His gaze met yours for a brief moment. Your stomach fluttered. Was it the intensity of his gaze or the fleeting memory of the dozens of painkillers in his car? Perhaps both.
Geto also turned around. He broke into a warm smile as he saw you. 
Hm, at least he was not angry with you anymore.
"Looks like the big guns are here," Yuta joked under his breath, nodding toward Gojo and Geto. "Do you think they ever get exam jitters?"
"Doubt it," Toge said.
Maki rolled her eyes. "Focus, guys. We need to ace this exam."
Your group returned to your notes. Gojo and Geto picked up their coffee and found a seat not too far from yours, granting you an unobstructed view of Gojo. You tried to concentrate, but part of you remained acutely aware of his presence. 
Every so often, you stole glances at him, watching how he discussed something with Geto. His muscles flexed subtly with each animated gesture he made. There was an undeniable air of confidence that radiated from him, making him stand out effortlessly in the crowd. 
He was dressed in his usual white button-down shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, revealing the intriguing play of veins along his well-defined forearms. The dark blue slacks he wore were tailored to perfection.
His disheveled white hair was slightly tousled, as if he had run his fingers through it. You could see his jaw flexing as he articulated his points, each movement emphasizing the sharp lines of his face.
The sight was distracting, to say the least.
As you watched them, you couldn't help but think back to what Gojo had said to you in his car-how he had the audacity to accuse you of wanting to have a threesome with them. Heat rose to your cheeks.
"Hey, are you even listening?" Maki's voice pulled you back to reality.
You blinked. "Sorry, just got distracted for a moment."
Yet Gojo's presence lingered in your periphery. You stole another glance at Gojo, only to find him already looking at you. His lips curved into a faint smile.
Suddenly, you noticed that Geto's eyes were on you as well. The moment his gaze met yours, you felt caught like a deer in headlights. You quickly looked away. Geto said something to Gojo. Gojo merely shrugged, his expression unreadable, but the faintest smile played on his lips.
The rest of the time in the cafeteria passed in a blur. 
While you and your friends were engrossed in a last-minute review, Gojo and Geto began gathering their things to leave. They stood up and chatted casually as they strolled towards the exit, which happened to be in your direction.
Yuta checked his watch. "Time to head out for the exam." You all started to pack up. As you rose from the table, a sudden presence brushed against your back, making you turn.
"Oh, sorry about that," Gojo said. But there was a twinkle in his eye that suggested the touch wasn't entirely accidental. Before you could react, he leaned closer, his breath warm against your ear. "Good luck with the exam. Though, something tells me you won't need it."
Gojo straightened. His gaze held you captive. You watched as he and Geto made their way out, with Geto swatting Gojo on the back of his head as they left.
"You're so fucked," Maki commented dryly, catching you watching them.
─── ·✧· ───
A week had passed since the exam. 
Life at the university had returned to its usual rhythm. You were in class with Toge, Maki and Yuta, the lecturer's voice a steady drone in the background as you all scribbled notes. Midway through the lecture, your phone that lay on your desk lit up with a message.
[3:32 PM] Gojo: Meet me in the lab after class. 
[3:32 PM] Gojo: Btw, you passed your exam. Congrats. Got a little gift for you too.
You stared at the message, puzzled. It was unusual for professors to have exam results ready just a week after. How did Gojo know?
[3:33 PM] You: What gift?
[3:33 PM] Gojo: It's a surprise. Why spoil it now? Come and see.
[3:33 PM] You: What about my friends Okkotsu, Zenin and Inumaki? Did they pass too?
[3:34 PM] Gojo: Can't say. I may have obtained your exam result in an unethical way.
[3:34 PM] You: Oh, too bad. Guess I must skip the lab today then.
[3:34 PM] Gojo: Are you fucking with me?
You didn't reply to that. 
After all, he wasn't the only one capable of playing games. You set your phone down, a slight smile on your lips as you turned your attention back to the lecture.
[3:52 PM] Gojo: They also passed.
[3:52 PM] You: Great. See you in the lab.
You turned to your friends. "We all passed the exam," you announced in a hushed tone.
Maki's eyes widened. "Seriously? How do you know that already?"
"Unethical ways."
Yuta let out a deep sigh. "Shit, that's some great news," he murmured, his usual worry lines smoothing out.
Toge nodded with a satisfied sound.
Suddenly the professor, who had been lecturing about biochemistry, paused and glanced sternly in your direction. "If we could have less chatter and more focus, please."
Your group quickly composed themselves and turned their attention back to the lecture. Yuta shot you a last smile.
As the lecture came to a close, you and your friends gathered your belongings and made your way out of the auditorium. The hallway outside was bustling with students discussing the lecture and making plans for the rest of the day. 
"I can't tell you how relieved I am. I was sure I botched the beta-blocker section," Yuta said as you walked.
You suddenly spotted Gojo casually leaning against a wall across from you, his arms crossed over his chest. His piercing gaze instantly locked onto you as you exited the auditorium. He tapped his fingers on his folded arms.
As your group began to drift towards the exit, you halted in your tracks. "You guys go ahead. I've got something to take care of after class."
"Alright, catch you tomorrow then," Yuta replied, clapping you on the shoulder.
You lingered in the hallway, waiting for the last students to leave. The corridor quieted, leaving you and Gojo alone. His intense gaze never wavered. He pushed himself away from the wall and strolled over to you.
"You've got quite the nerve, first-year," Gojo remarked.
You met his gaze squarely. "I could say the same about you, professor. Perhaps we should be more careful about being seen together outside the lab."
Gojo flashed a mischievous smile. "Concerned about starting rumors?"
"It's your reputation on the line, not mine."
"Ouch," he said, putting a hand over his heart in mock offense. "And here I am, offering to escort you. That's quite gentlemanly, don't you think? Even after you managed to rile me up."
You rolled your eyes. "I'm perfectly capable of walking myself."
He leaned closer. "I know, perhaps I just want to spend more time with you." He started to walk towards the lab. "Come, I have something to show you. Something tells me you'll love it."
─── ·✧· ───
Once inside the lab, Gojo led you to a table where a mysterious box lay hidden under a cloth. With a dramatic gesture, he pulled away the cover, revealing what he had teased as a 'gift'.
Your eyes widened slightly at the sight. "A brain?" you said, then turned to Gojo. "You have quite a unique way of pleasing a woman."
Gojo's smile broadened. "It's a human brain, specifically for us to practice on. I figured some hands-on training might be beneficial for the surgery, so I got us a few. It's a first for me too, so I thought, why not be thorough?"
You stepped closer to the table and peered at the brain encased in its protective glass. You grabbed the preserved organ and held it up, mesmerized by the sight.
Gojo watched your reaction. "Beautiful, isn't it?"
"It is." You nodded, unable to tear your eyes away. "Where did you get them?"
"Let's just say I had to pull some strings. Rest assured, they're from deceased donors, ethically sourced, of course."
"I know you've been worried about making another mistake in surgery," he said, his voice softening. "So, I figured the best way to prepare us is with hands-on practice."
You turned to face him. 
"We'll use these brains to meticulously go through each step of the procedure," he continued. "It's the closest we can get to the real experience. Practicing on actual human tissue like this will provide a depth of understanding that no model can match. By the end, you'll be thoroughly prepared for the surgery."
You placed the brain back on the table. "You did this for me?"
"I would do anything for you." Gojo closed the distance between you. He stood unusually close, his presence almost enveloping you. He leaned forward slightly, placing his hands on the table on either side of you, holding you captive between his arms.
Your back hit the edge of the table. You leaned back, trying to regain some distance. "What are you doing?"
He held your gaze, a hint of playfulness returning to his voice. "But just so you know, I have my ways of pleasing a woman. And not just by gifting her a human brain."
You leaned back even more. "Is that so?"
However, the distance was quickly closed by Gojo as he leaned in even closer. His breath warm and close, his lips almost grazing yours. "Absolutely," he murmured. "I'd be more than willing to demonstrate, if you're interested."
You raised an eyebrow, your heart racing. "Forward as always, Gojo."
Suddenly, in one swift motion, he reached out. His hands grasped the back of your thighs. Before you could react, you found yourself falling back onto the table. Your breath hitched. Gojo leaned over you, his blue eyes intense and piercing.
"You have no idea," he murmured, his voice deep and resonant. "If you weren't my student, I'd have already shown you just how forward I can be." His words were laced with an implication that sent a thrill through you. "'Be sure, I am a patient man, but even I have my limits."
His hand traced a path along the back of your thigh, the other firmly planted on the table above your head. Trapped in his gaze, you were acutely aware of every point of contact, the heat emanating from his body, and the undeniable pull you felt towards him.
"Maybe you should consider not seducing your student, then," you countered, your voice faltering slightly, betraying the effect he had on you. Your body seemed to act on its own accord, your legs instinctively drawing closer to him, as he stood between your parted legs.
"You could tell me to stop at any moment, yet you haven't," he said. "Interesting, isn't it? It's almost as if you're as curious as I am about where this might lead."
His face drew nearer, the space between you shrinking with each passing moment. Your breaths mingled. Your hand wandered to his arm, grabbing onto him, feeling the firm muscles beneath his shirt.
Your body craved his touch, despite the rational part of your mind screaming caution. But in that moment, it was impossible to resist the magnetic pull that drew you closer to him. You found yourself inching closer, your heart pounding in your chest. 
His gaze held you captive, and you felt as though he had the power to steal your very breath with a simple look.
Oh god.
If anyone were to walk into the lab now, there would be no plausible explanation for this compromising position.
His breath was warm on your skin, tantalizingly close to your collarbone. "But don't worry, first-year. I do love a good challenge. Especially one as intriguing as you." 
His body pressed against your open legs. In this position you could clearly feel the stretch in his pants. Your core melted. "There's just something about the way you resist, yet-not quite."
His hand ventured to the inside of your thigh. His fingers traced a path along your skin, edging daringly close. You arched into his touch. His lips caressed your collarbone, his touch light as a feather. The anticipation was nearly unbearable, a delicious torture that held you in its grip. 
"Even though your body betrays you every single time," he said before tightening his grip on your thigh. He pressed closer to you, the unmistakable hardness of his erection grinding against you. 
A moan escaped your lips and you could feel him smile against your skin. He lifts his head just enough to peer into your eyes. "Oh sweetheart, I'm dying to hear you moan my name."
Just as Gojo's fingers came dangerously close to brushing the sensitive area between your legs, he withdrew abruptly, leaving a void where his warmth had been. He straightened, a semblance of control returning to his expression. "Perhaps it's time we should get to work, don't you think?"
Was he for real?
You lay there for a moment, panting heavily. Pulling yourself up to your elbows, you managed a breathless, "What?"
Gojo, now a few steps away, nonchalantly adjusted his pants, something inside of them clearly troubling him. "We have a surgery to prepare for, remember?"
He said that as if he hadn't just nearly fucked you on the lab table.
You sit up completely. "I hate you."
Gojo chuckled. "You're so easy to play with, first-year," he remarked, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Consider it payback for making me 'borrow' your friends' exam results from my colleague's laptop."
You watched him for a moment, your frustration simmering beneath the surface. The way he could shift so effortlessly from intense intimacy to professional demeanor was both infuriating and intriguing. 
With a groan, you let yourself fall back onto the desk and stared up at the ceiling. As you lay there, you heard Gojo walk away, his footsteps echoing through the lab. "Leaving already, Gojo? Need a quick break to blow off some steam?"
Gojo returned a moment later with a tray of surgical tools. He shot you a sly grin. "Why? Interested in watching?"
"Keep dreaming."
Gojo laughed. "You're quite amusing, first-year. We both know you'll surrender sooner or later. But don't worry, I can wait."
He began meticulously arranging the surgical tools, shifting the focus back to the task at hand. "Ready to begin?" he asked, glancing over at you.
You nodded.
─── ·✧· ───
In the following weeks, your routine consisted of meeting in the lab every day after class to prepare for the surgery.
The sessions were rigorous. Gojo's dedication to perfection and precision became more apparent with each passing day. He was a taskmaster in the truest sense, his expectations high and his attention to detail almost obsessive.
You thought Geto was strict, but Gojo operated on an entirely different level. His standards were exacting. He accepted nothing less than absolute precision. Every incision, every maneuver you practiced under his watchful eyes had to be flawless.
Maybe he was a maniac.
He sure was a maniac.
It was late.
You were hungry and tired.
However, once more, you and Gojo stood side by side to rehearse the procedure yet again.
"Now, stabilize the area while I insert the implant," Gojo instructed. You reached for the micro-surgical tool on the nearby desk and followed his directions precisely, maintaining a calm and steady breath to steady your hands.
Gojo led the way with inhuman precision. You mirrored his movements flawlessly. "Gently retract the meningeal layer," he guided. "Perfect, now hold it steady."
As the hours ticked away, you repeated the procedure over and over. With each repetition, you drew closer to seamless synchronization, your actions becoming increasingly fluid and intuitive. 
"Stay concentrated, we're almost there."
You slowed your breathing. "Inserting the implant now," Gojo said. Your eyes followed Gojo's hands as they maneuvered the tiny neuroimplant. "Hold steady," he murmured. "Slight adjustment to the left, that's it."
It was then that you noticed the slight trembling of his hands. In the blink of an eye, the tool in his hand slipped ever so slightly, causing a visible tear in the brain tissue.
"Damn it," Gojo muttered. "I'm sorry. Let's reset and try again."
The second attempt began much like the first, perfectly in sync. You both worked in silence. The only sound your synchronized breathing and the steady hum of the overhead lights.
But the second attempt didn't go as planned either. A small but significant misstep by Gojo resulted in further damage to the fragile brain. After the third failed attempt, Gojo took a step back from the table. His hands trembled.
"Fuck," Gojo hissed again, tearing off his gloves. He ran his fingers through his hair.
You set the instruments back on the table. "What's wrong? You good?"
It was unusual. He never made such mistakes. He always had the most steady hands, so why was he struggling with every attempt now?
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need a break," he said, frustration etching lines on his forehead. He walked over to a nearby bench, where a forgotten cup of coffee rested. He picked it up with a shaking hand. You observed him closely. 
"Gojo, your hands..."
"I'm fine."
Oh, he was so clearly lying.
You walked over to him. "Don't tell me shit, what's going-?"
But before the words fully escaped your lips, Gojo's hand cramped. In an instant, the porcelain succumbed, shattering in his clenched fist. Coffee spilled over the bench in a dark, staining flood. A sharp curse escaped him as he released the jagged remains of the cup.
You bridged the distance between you. "God, Gojo," you exclaimed, quickly clasping his injured hand. "You're hurt."
"It's nothing."
"Yeah, keep lying to me," you retorted, locking eyes with him. "Sit down."
"It's merely a scratch."
"Just sit down, Gojo. Let me take a look at your hand."
With a sigh, he sank into the chair, watching you as you gathered the medical supplies.
"Fortunate it's your left hand," you remarked, pulling up a chair to sit beside him. You cradled his hand in your lap. Porcelain shards were buried in his palm and fingers, blood began to pool around the punctures. "Looks like you'll need a few stitches."
"I'm not sure I should trust someone to stitch me up who struggles to even find a vein," he quipped. "You know, this is a surgeon's hand." 
His attempt at humor fell flat. You were not in the mood for jokes. He flinched when you started to remove the porcelain fragments with tweezers.
"Don't worry. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's stitching up wounds," you said quietly.
You meticulously removed each fragment. The room was silent, punctuated only by the occasional clatter of tools. After ensuring no debris remained, you cleansed the wounds. 
Unfolding a suture kit, you glanced at Gojo. "This might sting," you cautioned, beginning to stitch the deeper gashes.
Gojo's jaw clenched. He remained silent, his eyes following your every move. After a while, he spoke, breaking the quiet. "You're pretty good at this. How did you learn to stitch so well?"
Your hands paused briefly, surprised by the question. "I mentioned my mother wasn't the same after my father's death. That's how I learned it."
"I'm sorry," he murmured, his gaze shifting away.
You completed the last stitch and bandaged his hand carefully. "There, all done." Standing up, you began to clean the area. Gojo flexed his fingers, testing the mobility.
"Thank you," he said. "It's really good."
Without facing him, you asked, "You won't tell me what's wrong, will you?"
His silence was your answer.
A sigh escaped you. Gojo then stood, breaking the momentary stillness. "I need to grab something from my office. I'll be back soon," he said, his tone somewhat distant.
You nodded and watched as he left the lab. The door clicked shut, its sound echoing faintly in the now empty space. The quiet hum of the lab enveloped you.
Time ticked by, and the lab's clock hands moved steadily forward. The quiet was pervasive, broken only by the occasional sounds of the building settling for the night. You glanced occasionally at the door, expecting Gojo to return, but there was no sign of him.
He did not return to the lab that night.
And he was not in the lab the next day.
─── ·✧· ───
"Can you imagine having surgery with these?" 
Yuta joked, pointing at a set of rusty scalpels. His face scrunched up in mock horror.
Maki laughed. "I'd rather not. Makes me appreciate modern anesthesia."
Toge added a quick quip, "Unbelievable."
You and your friends decided to visit the local museum. Today, it was hosting a special medical exhibit, which naturally piqued your interest. The warm sunlight filtered through the museum's large windows, casting a golden glow over the exhibits.
As you walked through the halls, the exhibit unfolded in a series of medical histories and advances. There were sections dedicated to ancient medical practices, rows of archaic surgical tools that seemed more like medieval torture devices, and interactive displays on modern surgical techniques.
Amidst the array of exhibits, one particular section caught your eye. To the casual visitor, the subject matter might seem unappealing, but you found it absolutely fascinating. 
You excused yourself from your friends and approached the exhibit. It was a quiet corner of the museum, away from the more popular attractions.
You were so engrossed in reading a panel that you hardly noticed the approach of another visitor. It wasn't until you heard a familiar voice nearby. Your heart froze for a moment.
"I knew you'd be drawn to this," Gojo remarked, his presence suddenly beside you. He was observing the same exhibit, a soft smile playing on his lips.
"Stalking me again, professor?"
"Purely coincidental, I assure you. I couldn't pass up this exhibition. Turns out, today's the only chance to see it."
You turned to face him. "You've got some nerve, Gojo. You left me alone in the lab, disappeared without a word, and then ignored all my messages. You can't just act like nothing happened."
His face softened. "I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to hurt you."
"If something's wrong, you need to tell me. This isn't just your project, Gojo. It's still Geto's project too. Your actions will not only affect me, but him as well."
"You're right."
Exhaling sharply, turning your attention back to the exhibit.
After a moment of silence, Gojo spoke again. "What are you doing afterwards?"
You turned slightly. "Hm?"
"Go out with me."
His invitation hung in the air between you, leaving you momentarily speechless. You turned to him, searching his expression for clues. "Go out... as in a date?"
"Call it whatever you want," he said. "I just want to spend time with you."
"This will only lead to trouble, you know that."
Undeterred, he stepped closer. His bandaged hand gently lifted your chin, urging you to meet his gaze. His height forced you to tilt your head back.
"I'm aware of that," he said. "But I don't care. I can't ignore this any longer... whatever this is between us. And I don't think you can either."
"Give me a chance," he implored, his eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that felt almost tangible. "One evening. That's all I'm asking."
Time seemed to stretch out as you mulled over his request. "One evening?"
"One evening."
"Okay, one evening," you agreed.
A subtle smile played on Gojo's lips. "I'll wait for you outside."
Then he leaned in, as if to steal a kiss. But the sound of approaching footsteps quickly halted him. He withdrew his hand, leaving a trace of warmth where his touch had been.
"Talk about a small world," Yuta exclaimed, his eyes landing on you and Gojo, who was already keeping a professional distance.
Maki approached Gojo with a friendly greeting. "Quite a surprise seeing you here, professor."
Gojo responded with his usual charm. "Ah, the future of medicine, all gathered in one spot. Seems I'm not the only one drawn to this exhibition."
"I hope you're not here to quiz us, Dr. Gojo. We've had our fill of exams for a while," Maki said.
"I wouldn't dream of torturing my students outside of class."
Toge muttered something under his breath, earning a playful nudge from Yuta. "Don't jinx it," Yuta whispered.
The group moved through the exhibition together, with Gojo occasionally offering insightful comments. Eventually, he parted ways with you and your friends. He cast one last glance in your direction before saying goodbye.
As you and your friends continued exploring the museum, Maki nudged you playfully. "It's funny how Dr. Handsome always seems to be around you, isn't it?"
"It's just a strange coincidence."
"Yeah, sure."
You rolled your eyes. 
The rest of the museum visit passed in a light-hearted mood, with occasional teasing from Maki about Gojo. The sun was beginning to set, casting a beautiful golden hue over the city streets as you made your way out.
"Oh, wait," you said suddenly, patting your pockets as if searching for something. "I think I left something back in the museum. You guys go ahead; I'll catch up."
Yuta looked concerned. "Do you need someone to go back with you?"
You shook your head. "No, it's okay. I won't be long. Don't miss the train on my account."
After a moment of hesitation, your friends agreed and continued towards the subway station. You waited until they were out of sight, then went back to the museums's entrance.
"Hey, first-year."
Gojo's voice came from behind, startling you slightly. You turned to find him approaching with two cups of coffee in hand, steam rising into the evening air. His face lit up with a smile as he saw you waiting.
He handed you one of the cups. "Thought you might like some coffee. Just regular, though-no Red Bull mixed in, sorry," he said, a playful tone in his voice.
"How disappointing."
"Shall we go for a walk?"
You nodded.
The bustling sounds of the city surrounded you, the sky painted in vibrant oranges and pinks by the setting sun. The streets pulsed with the city's evening energy. Walking alongside Gojo, you sipped the warm coffee.
"Aren't you afraid of someone seeing us?" you asked, glancing around subtly.
"Are you?" 
"It's not like we're making out or anything," he added. "Unless you'd like to?"
"Don't push it, Gojo."
Your gaze fell on his bandaged hand. "How's your hand, by the way?" 
He switched the cup to his other hand and flexed the injured one. "It's healing well. Thankfully, a really skilled surgeon took care of it."
You rolled your eyes.
"Are you nervous about the upcoming surgery?" he asked.
"I am," you confessed. "You never seem to get nervous."
"Well, that's because I'm an exceptional neurosurgeon."
"Ah, sure, I forgot. You're the miracle doctor."
"Not really," he said. "I mean, I've always had a knack for it, but university wasn't always easy. It took a lot of effort to get to where I am now. Just like you. We're not that different, you know."
You observed him for a moment before asking, "Why neurosurgery?"
"Could ask you the same. What made you choose neurosurgery?"
"Why would I choose any another field when neurology exists?"
He chuckled. "Thought so."
"Plus, the patients are usually sedated, so that's a plus for surgery," you added.
"Ah, the mark of a true neurosurgeon's ego."
The evening had deepened, and a chill began to settle in the air as you and Gojo walked through the city streets. The vibrant energy of the day had given way to the serene calmness of the night. 
Streetlights cast a soft glow on the pavement, and the occasional sound of distant laughter and the hum of a passing car filled the air.
You wrapped your arms around yourself as a cool breeze seeped through your clothes. Without a moment's hesitation, Gojo halted and began to take off his jacket. "Here, wear this," he offered, draping it over your shoulders.
"But won't you be cold?" you asked, concerned as he would be left in just his shirt.
He simply smiled. "I'll be fine."
You slipped into his jacket, the sleeves oddly long on your arms. It was warm and carried the faint scent of his cologne. 
Gojo seemed unfazed by the drop in temperature as he watched you. He raised his hand to your face and ran his thumb gently over your cheek. His gaze fell to your lips. The bustling city street seemed to fade into the background as Gojo's proximity enveloped you. 
People passed by, a sea of faces lost in their own worlds, their voices fading to a distant hum as you and Gojo stood in your own intimate world. His thumb brushed over your lips, parting them slightly.
"Tell me, do you ever wonder what it would be like if we gave in?"
"For someone who says he's patient, you're really pushing it, Gojo."
Gojo's eyes darkened. His gaze locked onto your lips as he leaned in just a fraction closer. The world around you blurred, the bustling street becoming nothing more than a distant backdrop.
Gojo's lips curled into a seductive smile. "Maybe you're just too irresistible."
"Or maybe you only want me because you can't have me."
"Whatever the reason, first-year. The important thing is that we both want it."
The chemistry between you two was undeniable, the tension in the air thickening with each passing moment. You leaned in closer, your lips tantalizingly close to his. "And what do you want, professor?" you whispered.
You both knew the risks, the lines that shouldn't be crossed, but in that charged moment, it was so damn hard to resist. Every inch of your body craved for his touch.
His hand wrapped around your wrist, pulling you closer, eliminating any space between you. "I want to taste those lips of yours, to feel your body pressed against mine."
You breathed in each other's air as his parted lips hovered dangerously close to yours, yet not making contact. "I want to hear you scream my name," he whispered as he pulled you even closer with a sudden tug. His fingers dug into your back in a way that was almost painful. "Hear your soft pleas all night long."
Suddenly, the sound of screeching tires. 
Without a second thought, Gojo turned you around, using his own body to shield you from the street. Not far from where you stood, a horrific car crash had unfolded. One of the vehicles went airborne before crashing onto its roof with a sickening thud.
For a moment, you both stood frozen, processing what had just happened. People began screaming and gathering around the site of the accident. Without having to exchange a word, you and Gojo sprang into action, adrenaline pumping through your veins.
Gojo sprinted towards the mangled car, while you rushed to help the other vehicle.
As you reached the car, you saw the driver still inside, his head resting against the inflated airbag. You pushed open the driver's door. The man lifted his head slightly, blood dripping from a gash on his temple.
"We're here to help," you said. "Can you tell me your name?"
The driver mumbled something incoherent, his eyes struggling to focus. You carefully assessed the driver's condition, checking for any obvious signs of injury. His airway appeared to be clear, and he was breathing, albeit shallowly.
You continued to talk to the driver, trying to keep him conscious and engaged. "You've been in an accident, but we're going to get you out of here safely. Can you tell me if you're experiencing any pain?"
He didn't respond. You gently touched his head to tilt it towards you. You probed around the wound on his temple, checking for any underlying skull fractures or deformities.
"Do you know where you are? Can you tell me what happened?" you asked, trying to gauge his cognitive function. The man tried to speak, but nothing intelligible came out. His speech was slurred, and he seemed to be losing focus.
Then you heard a strained sound that resembled Gojo's voice. Looking up, you saw Gojo straining against the wreckage of the other car, trying to free the trapped driver. A nearby bystander was helping him.
You turned back to the driver in front of you. "Please stay still and try not to move until help arrives, okay?"
You went to a nearby bystander and instructed him to go to the driver and keep him still and engaged in speech. You hurried over to Gojo. He carefully pulled the woman out of the mangled car and laid her gently on the asphalt. Gojo hovered over her, checking her vitals.
"She's barely breathing." He leaned in to listen to her labored breaths. "She needs an emergency tracheotomy, now."
"What?" 
Your heart raced at the thought. There's no way you could do that here.
"Your jacket pocket, the right one," he instructed urgently.
Still wearing his jacket, you quickly reached into the right pocket. Your fingers found something, and you retrieved it. It was a sealed straw from the coffee Gojo had bought earlier. You handed it to him without a word.
"Now, the inner pocket on your left."
Reaching into the inner pocket, your fingers found a small, elongated case. "What's that?" you asked as you handed it over to him.
He opened the case, revealing a scalpel.
"You keep a scalpel with you all the time?" you exclaimed.
He briefly looked up at you with a sly smile. "Quite handy right now, don't you think?"
Without wasting a second, Gojo made a small incision in the driver's throat, skillfully inserting the straw to create an airway. It was unorthodox, to say the least.
Just then, you noticed a trickle of blood seeping through the sleeve of his shirt. "You're bleeding," you said. He must have injured himself on the jagged metal while freeing the woman from the crashed car.
Gojo glanced down at his arm. "It's nothing."
The wail of the sirens grew louder as the paramedics arrived, quickly taking control of the situation. Gojo immediately began briefing them on the condition of the injured.
"I'll go with them to the hospital," he said, preparing to accompany the paramedics. But as he turned to leave, you grabbed his shirt.
"I'm coming with you."
"You should go home, get some rest."
"You wanted to spend time with me, so spend time with me, Gojo." You looked at him. "You wanted a whole evening, and it's not midnight yet."
He pondered for a moment. "Then come."
Climbing into the ambulance, you found yourself in the midst of medical equipment and the paramedics as they worked to stabilize the driver during the transport. The confined space was filled with the sound of medical equipment and hushed, urgent conversations. 
Gojo relayed the details of the incident to the team. It seemed as if he knew them, as he addressed them by name.
As you glanced at Gojo's arm, the bloodstain on his shirt was growing. You turned to one of the paramedics. "I need antiseptic and gauze."
The paramedic seemed a little taken aback by your firm tone.
"Now," you clarified.
"Uh, right here," he replied, pointing toward a nearby drawer.
"What are you doing?" Gojo asked as you moved around the ambulance like you owned the place.
You sat down beside him and seized his arm, rolling up his sleeve. His firm skin felt hot under your touch as you cleaned his wound. "You really are my personal doctor, aren't you?" he remarked, his lips curving into a faint smile.
"You should just take better care of yourself."
His eyes locked onto yours. "I guess I do need someone to watch out for me. Also, with your perfect stitching skills, I'd never let anyone else touch me."
You huffed. 
"Quite a first date, huh?" you quipped as you continued tending to his arm.
"So it is a date?"
"In your dreams, Gojo."
Then the ambulance arrived at the hospital.
Upon arriving at the hospital, the atmosphere was a flurry of activity as medical professionals worked diligently to care for the injured. Gojo quickly turned to you.
"Wait for me in my office," he instructed, handing you a set of keys. "I need to assist here and finish the necessary paperwork. I shouldn't be long."
You nodded. Before you could react, he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. Then, without another word, he left. Your heart raced. 
Clutching the keys, you made your way through the corridors of the hospital, searching for Gojo's office number, which was written on the keys. The adrenaline that had fueled your body slowly faded, leaving a trail of exhaustion in its wake.
Entering his office, you were greeted by bookshelves lining one wall, filled with medical texts and various journals, while a desk cluttered with papers and a laptop occupied another corner. The room looked quite different from his office at the university. Still, it had a warmth to it. 
It even had his scent.
You looked down at your clothes, stained and dishevelled from the night's chaos. You rummaged through Gojo's belongings and found what looked like a gym bag. Inside, you found a clean shirt and a pair of sweatpants. They were undoubtedly his, large and probably loose on you, but they were clean.
He wouldn't mind, would he?
You looked down on yourself again. 
Yeah, whatever-even if he mind.
It felt strange to change into his clothes, but at the same time oddly comforting as you noticed his faint scent on them. You sank into the couch in his office, the events of the night replaying in your mind. The room was quiet, except for the distant sounds of the hospital at night.
You gazed up at the ceiling, then turned on your side and closed your eyes. Exhaustion gradually overcame you until sleep began to claim you.
Sometime later, the sound of the door gently opening stirred you from your sleep. Through half-closed eyes, you saw Gojo enter the room. He paused for a moment at the sight of you sleeping on his couch, a soft expression crossing his face.
"Gojo?" you murmured, your voice still heavy with sleep.
He moved quietly toward you, dropping to his knees before the couch. "Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?"
"I'm good," you replied, still wrapped in the warmth of his clothes. "How are the drivers?"
"They're stable. Don't worry."
Then he stood up again and moved to lie down on the couch behind you. You shifted slightly to give him more space, feeling his presence close to you. "How's your arm?" you asked him. Gojo settled down on the couch behind you, a soft sigh escaping him as he found a comfortable position.
"My arm's fine," he reassured you with a soft smile. "Thanks to you."
You turned onto your back, your eyes meeting his as he propped himself up on one elbow. His face hovered close to yours. "They look good on you." His hand reached out, gently brushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear. "My clothes," he added.
"Sorry, I just wanted to get out of my dirty clothes."
"I don't mind."
A smile played at the corners of his lips. "You should've seen yourself out there," he said. "You really bossed those paramedics around. I'm sure they'll remember you."
"Well, if you keep hurting yourself, guess I'll have to keep patching you up."
Gojo's laughter filled the room, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he smiled at you. "You can stitch me up anytime, doc."
"You better not make a habit out of this."
He chuckled softly, his thumb gently stroking your shoulder. "I'll try my best."
Lying there, side by side, you both gazed into each other's eyes. The room was filled with the soft light of the moon outside, casting gentle shadows across his face. Silence settled between you, the only sounds in the room were the soft breaths you both took.
"We do make a good team, don't we?" Gojo's voice broke the silence. "And I'm not just talking about in the OR."
"Are you implying something?"
"Nah, never."
As you let out a yawn, Gojo adjusted his position, lying down beside you. "Come here," he said softly. His arm encircled your shoulder, drawing you close to him. 
Instinctively, you nestled into him, your head finding a comfortable spot against his chest. His heartbeat, strong and steady beneath your ear.
The warmth of his body, the gentle rise and fall of his chest with each breath, brought a sense of safety and calm. You could feel the tension of the day slowly ebbing away. His fingers trailed lightly across your back, drawing absent patterns.
"You know, this is quite close for a student and a professor," you muffled against his chest.
"Is it? Should I go?"
Your fingers gripped his shirt, holding him in place. "No," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "Don't go."
A smile played on his lips. "I'm not leaving you," he whispered. He leaned in, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. Then, he cuddled closer, the distance between you seeming to disappear.
Gradually, sleep began to claim you both. You drifted off, entwined in each other's arm. The office was quiet, save for the soft sound of your synchronized breathing and the faint, distant echoes of the hospital's nocturnal life.
Tomorrow, maybe, you would care about the consequences.
But not today. Not in his arms.
─── ·✧· ───
<- prev chapter | next chapter ->
x a/n: i hope you like slightly longer chapters, i didn't know when to stop with this one really. anyway, thank you for reading and feel free to leave your thought, i love to read them! ♡
🏷️  @sad-darksoul @aerithsthingss @mylovelessnightmare @bbyxxm @musababy @neuviloved
424 notes · View notes
dfortrafalgar · 3 days
Note
would you be interested in a more Platonic type fic? Like being good friends with Robin?
alternatively if it has to be romantic: Law being forced on a disaster of a date only to meet a super helpful (comic) bookshop employee and she starts seeming cute when he finds out she has similar interests? (Boy probably went into cardiac arrest at first when someone caught him not being broody)
hope this isn’t too much!
and you’re doing awesome!
thank you so much for your request, anon!!!! im actually going to use both of your ideas, but i started with the Law one because that hit seriously close to home. ive been on some absolute TRAVESTIES of dates in the past, and i needed to write law suffering through a similar fate or i'd die!!!!! I hope you enjoy, and pretty soon I'll post your platonic Robin request as well! I love writing platonic stories just as much as romantic ones <3
An Out.
Law x Fem Reader
Law made the mistake of letting his friends talk him into a first date… and now he desperately needs an out. Fast.
Warnings: an absolute disaster of a first date for our wonderful nerdy man. modern au, implied college setting, some mild slight suggestive language but nothing more than that
Tumblr media
Trafalgar Law tried in vain to recount the series of events that led up to this very moment.
There was the dusty apartment floor discussion about how the med-student hadn’t gotten laid yet, which was followed by a raunchy comment about a girl in someone’s class, it was revealed that this girl was single (‘and ready to mingle’), and her number was forcibly input into Law’s phone.
For the week that followed, he was inundated with flirty texts from this girl he had never met in person.  He was forced to send her a picture of himself, mostly to get her to stop blowing up his texts every hour, and that was the next mistake in the line-up of unfortunate events.
Turned out she had a thing for facial hair.
Then, instead of getting pestered with general flirty messages, it was general flirty messages that were ramped up to a nine.  ‘I’d rip your clothes off if you give me the opportunity,’ kind of nine.
Law knew he was a virgin, but at least he wasn’t this desperate, nor did he have any inclination to be.  If anything, the texts he received from this stranger were making him want sex even less.
And yet… he was still pushed into this.
A date around downtown with this girl.  She clung to his arm, tried to loop her fingers into his, and yet had absolutely no interest in anything he had to say.  At all.
First red flag: she mentioned her ex.  Three times.  In four minutes.  Everything was about what he did wrong to upset her, no self-awareness to be found.  Second red flag: the clinginess.  Law hated public affection, but any attempts to urge her to give him space resulted in a childish pout and her arms caged around his, almost pulling him to the ground.  Third red flag: she couldn’t give two shits about Law, in any sense of the word.  She wouldn’t stop talking about herself.  Her looks, her clothes, her favorite music, her favorite shows to binge watch, her distaste for the area of the city they were in, her distaste for the lunch Law had [regretfully] paid for, her distaste for the speckled jeans he decided to wear…
He could feel the premature wrinkles forming in between his eyebrows the longer the date went on.  He was starting to wonder if he’d have to throw out the shirt he was wearing later.  It already reeked of the too-strong, powdery-scented perfume she bathed herself in.
“Where do you wanna go?” she suddenly asked, still tugging on his arm.
“I kinda want to stop by the bookstore before we leave,” he suggested, his feet already carrying him, and by extension, her, along the sidewalk to a small bookshop that had just recently opened.
“The bookstore?  What kinda guy brings a girl to a bookstore on a first date?!” she demanded, showing off yet another childish pout.  It wasn’t a good look on her.
‘A guy who knows this girl’s not getting a second date,’ he wished he could say.  Instead, all the snarky remarks stayed locked inside his weary brain, bouncing around like a caged lion desperate to escape.
The girl didn’t make any motions to ditch him to his nerdy reprieve, and instead followed on his heels as he pulled open the bookshop’s door, the familiar, calming scent of new books, fresh paper, and ink filling his nose.
“It smells gross in here,” the girl huffed.
Aaaand there went Law’s fleeting moment of peace.  Out the window.  Down fifteen stories and splattered on the pavement.  He needed to violently restrain the eyeroll that begged to appear.  His ocular nerves ached to be a dick in the pettiest way possible.  He inwardly hoped that by dragging this girl to the most unassuming bookshop would encourage her to leave, call a friend or get a cab to take her back to her home, but alas, she stayed glued to Law’s side like a lost dog.
She followed behind him as he blindly perused shelves of new and pre-owned books, Law’s feet subconsciously guiding him to the back of the store where he knew the comic books would be located.
If anything would turn this girl off for good, it had to be his love for all things superhero.  His comic book collection would dry her up like a dessert in a drought.  Or at least, it fucking better.
His eyes lit up as he approached the expansive comic shelf, immediately spotting the latest print of Sora: Warrior of the Sea- Volume 10.  It had finally been officially localized, and he had been saving some of his spending money for this very moment.  He eagerly grabbed the book from the shelf, thumbing through the pages.
“How old even are you?” jeered the girl by his side.  “Comic books are, like, little kid shit.”
“I’m five years old,” barked Law, refusing to look toward her as he continued to analyze the pages of his favorite series.
To the average onlooker, they both probably looked like complete jackasses towards one another.  And while Law was at least brave enough to admit that his behavior was certainly petty, he felt like he was warranted a Get Out Of Jerk Free card for all the painful hours of suffering through this atomic catastrophe of a date had put him through.
“Whatever, I’m going to find a bathroom,” the girl finally groaned, releasing his arm and trudging through the aisles of books toward the checkout counter to ask an employee where the bathrooms were located.
Law watched her go out of his peripheral vision, refusing to exhale a sigh of profound relief until she was completely out of his line of sight.  With shoulders that finally relaxed, free from the overbearing tension, he turned his focus back to the comic in his hands, continuing to thumb through the colorful pages of artwork.  He flipped the book around to examine the price, smiling at how reasonable it was.  He filled his arms with a few other comics from a series he had been meaning to pick up, and retreated toward the cash registers to buy his books.  The sooner he got his treat for this ordeal, the sooner he could get out of here, call this girl a taxi home, and spend the rest of his life as a willingly single comic book mega-nerd.
But reality wouldn’t let him off the hook so easily.
Not when the girl sitting behind the register thumbing through another copy of Sora Volume 10 was an absolute bombshell.
When she looked up at Law, her eyes quickly went wide.  She placed the book under the register counter and eagerly leaned forward, her hands supporting her over the counter.  “Are you alright?” she asked, her voice laced with worry.
Law cocked an eyebrow, confused.  “Yeah, why?”
“That girl you’re with is making you miserable.  You walked through the door looking like you wanted someone to grant you a mercy killing,” she huffed.  Her eyes were clearly concerned.  “Are you dating her?”
Law felt his guard dropping without even realizing it the longer he was in the presence of this cashier.  “My friends set me up on a date with her, but I’m having the absolute worst time of my life.”
The new girl’s own eyebrows angled downward in concern.  “Do you want an out?”
“A what?”
“An out,” she repeated.  “An excuse to get her to leave you alone.”  Time was running out.  At any moment, she could leave the bathroom.
Law frantically looked back and forth between the cashier and the small, short hallway that led to the single restroom.  With pleading, golden eyes, he silently mumbled, “Yes, please.”
The cashier kept her eyes on the bathroom door as she began unloading Law’s hands, spreading his books out on the counter to make it look like she was busy ringing out his purchase.  Law watched with an analytical gaze as she fumbled with his items, clearly buying time until the bathroom door opened.
He didn’t have time to ask what she was plotting.
The second the door cracked open, the man’s shirt collar was violently clenched in the cashier’s hands as she pulled him over the counter, smushing her lips into his.  Law’s fingers flexed in thin air as he froze, brain completely fried as he was frozen in this sudden kiss.
His first kiss.
“What the fuck?!” the girl screeched, exiting the bathroom in a frenzy as she booked it toward the heated exchange happening over the cash register.
The new girl pulled herself away from Law’s face, but only enough where she could display her best rendition of a weary, tired war-torn wife waiting on a cliffside for her husband to return.  “Baby, please just take me back!  My life isn’t complete without you!”  Her voice was cracking as she fake-wailed, her grip on Law’s shirt never faltering, not even once.  The few customers who also occupied the store turned to stare at the commotion, frazzled and befuddled.  “Nothing in life is as good as it was with you!  I’m in shambles!  You were the best sex I’ve ever had!”
It took a few moments for Law to catch on to the ruse.  As soon as he put the puzzle pieces together in his mind, however, he was grabbing the wrists of the cashier and bringing his lips back to hers, closing his eyes and trailing his arms up to grasp her face.  Completely disregarding the fact that they were still separated by the heavy check-out counter between their torsos.
“You were dating someone?!” snapped the original girl.  “Why didn’t you tell me?!”
Law pulled away from the cashier’s lips, his own skin immediately feeling fifteen degrees colder from the loss of her contact.  “I wasn’t.  Until now.”
The new girl put her arm around Law’s shoulders from across the check-out counter, her deft fingers caressing his skin through his shirt.  “I’m sorry, but I’m taking him back, I can’t stand to be without him any longer!  The sight of him with another woman…” she made a show of clenching her chest, “makes me sick!”  She was damn good at this, in a way that almost made Law concerned.  The fact that she was pulling all of this out of nowhere, and the fact that her first course of action was this drastic, made Law’s heart flutter in his chest.
“Ugh, whatever.  This place sucks ass anyway.  I’m going home.”  She finally shouldered her bag and marched out of the shop, her feet stomping across the hardwood floor until the sound of the front door slamming closed finally made the cashier release her arm from Law’s shoulders.
And once again, the man was feeling oddly cold without the contact.  He glanced at her as she started ringing up his items for real.  “You’re… a good actor,” he blurted.
The girl hid her face in her arm with shame, an awkward laugh bubbling from her throat.  “I’m so sorry, I was trying to think of what to do to help you but when the door opened I panicked.”  Her eyes were focused on her work.  “I’ve been on some absolutely awful dates myself, so I understand.  Sometimes I’ve wished I could have Prince Charming swoop me out of the movie theater where a guy made fun of me for my interests the entire run-time.”
His jaw went slack.  “Are you serious?”
“Deadass,” she replied, quick as a whip.  “Insisted on holding my hand the entire time.  I think he was convinced that I had taken him to see a horror movie because I wanted to act scared in front of him, but his hand was so clammy and sticky the whole time.  And not in the endearing ‘Aww he’s shy!’ kind of way.”
Law wished at that moment that he had more charisma.  He was sure one of his friends would be able to pull a witty, flirty quip from their asses like it was nothing, but Law’s personal dictionary of flattery was nonexistent as it was.  He balked while he listened to the cashier who just took his breath away lamenting about her own poor experiences with dating, and he was sure that her example in this moment was only one of many.  Instead of continuing the conversation, his mind blanked.  He stated, more like whispered, “That was my first kiss.”
The girl’s hands stopped scanning his books halfway through.  Her wide eyes darted up to Law’s, her jaw slack.  “It… It was?”
“Yeah.”
Her hands flew to cover her mouth, eyes wide with shock.  “Oh my god… oh my god, I’m so sorry!”  She dropped her head onto the counter, covering her despair with both of her arms now.  “First kisses are supposed to be special and I just took your’s away from you…”
Law shocked himself by smiling at the weary display in front of him.  “If it makes you feel any better, that was far better than the date I was on.  But I’m sure you already knew that.”
She picked her head up, a trembling hand grabbing one of his last books to scan.  Her eyes nervously darted back and forth as she silently worked, once in a while sucking her bottom lip in with her teeth before releasing the flesh.  She was clearly lost in an intense inner turmoil.
“It’s really alright,” Law muttered, now growing shy himself.  He was just now realizing the gravity of what had happened… and how truly adorable this girl was.
She tapped a few buttons on her cash register before finally making eye contact with him again.  “You are a pretty good kisser… you’re really sure you’ve never done that before?”
He affirmatively shook his head.  “Never.  I’ve never been… popular with the dating scene,” he muttered.  “Hence this awful set-up date.”
The cashier’s eyes went wide again momentarily.  “That’s kind of surprising to me… I would think someone like you would get any girl you wanted.”
Law backpedaled.  “What does that mean?”
She pulled his total up on the small screen that faced him.  She was turning away from him as if to hide her face, her entire expression teeming with a child-like embarrassment.  “Well, you’re crazy hot, for starters.  And you like Sora, clearly.”
Law felt a smirk emerge on his lips.  “Is Sora one of your only qualifiers for a decent partner?”  He began to rekindle some of the confidence he had lost throughout the day.  The longer he spent in this girl’s presence, the more he felt the tension in his body leaving.
She grinned, the stress in her shoulders from her own actions finally releasing.  “Only guys with fluffy black hair and golden eyes that read Sora, if you want my honest answer.”
Now this was flirting.  Law had to admit, he was pretty pleased with this sudden turn of events.  The atmosphere this girl radiated was immensely calming, allowing him to chip through his reinforced walls just enough to feel like a somewhat normal person.  He started to wonder if she could break through his barriers even more.
“What’s your name?” he finally asked, taking out his credit card and swiping it through the machine to finally cash out his order.
The girl excitedly revealed her name.  “And your’s?”
“Trafalgar Law,” he replied.  “I go to North Blue University for med school in the next town over.”
“No shit, so do I!  I’m getting a worker's license there,” she added, her expression shifting from one of moderate happiness to one of excitement.  “I doubt we’ve had any of the same classes, but we should hang out sometime!  Get coffee, maybe talk about Sora…”  Her voice trailed off, her eyes growing soft.  “Unless you’ve been completely turned off to dating after what you’ve clearly just been through.”
Law took a few moments to ponder over her words, watching as the receipts for his purchase slowly emerged from the thermal printer.  “I think I can make an exception this time.”
The smile that broke out on the girl’s face may as well have blinded him.  She was truly dazzling, even in her ratty-looking employee apron and an oversized T-shirt accounting for her work attire.
Law placed his new assortment of books into his own bag, the girl snatching his receipts from the printer and stashing one of the copies in the drawer below the counter.  When he looked back up, she was holding out his second receipt, folded in half.  She gave him a fond smile when he took it.
“I hope you’re able to relax later today, and enjoy your books!” she called, waving to Law as he exited the store.
Once outside again, the air felt clearer now that he was alone.  The day was still young, hardly a cloud in the sky and a pleasant breeze coasting through the city.  He looped his bag over his shoulder and opened the receipt, peering at what was written on the backside.
Call me for Sora… and for just me ;) <3 1125-354-9854
223 notes · View notes
sl-ut · 1 month
Text
sweet dreams
ended up having a baby dream during my nap and thought it would be a v cute burb concept for my sweet cliches series
set in this universe!
abby noticed that something was wrong with her girlfriend almost immediately after she returned from her morning run. she had, of course, left quite early and had been very careful not to wake her cranky pants gf up, but started questioning what she might have done to piss her off already when they hadn't even truly spoken a word.
y/n was in the kitchen when she got back, mixing herself an iced coffee and barely even responding to abby as she came over to kiss her good morning. abby shrugged it off, thinking she was still too tired, but when she rejected her invite to join her in the shower????? that's when she knew something was up.
she spent fifteen minutes in the shower, taking the extra time under the piping hot water to think it over. she knew it wasn't about her leaving a mess before she left; abby was the neat freak in the relationship, so it was usually her getting annoyed by clutter, not the other way around. they'd been on good terms last night, they had even found time in both of their busy schedules that allowed them some spare time to get it on...was it not good? abby thought she'd seen the telltale signs- the whimpers, the heaving chest, the swelling nail marks on her back... she'd never seen y/n fake it before, so she wasn't sure what she wasn't picking up on. unless... what if she had only ever seen her fake it???
then abby goes into panic mode. she finishes her routine as quick as she can (under ten minutes, our low maintenance queen!) and rushes out to find her girl curled up on the couch under a fluffy blanket, not even glancing her at abby as she took up the space next to her.
"what's going on in that pretty head of yours? and don't say nothing."
the girl frowned before she stubbornly responded, "nothing."
"did i do something wrong?"
"no."
"then what's the matter? i don't like to see you so down."
"it's stupid."
abby scooted closer, pulling her girl onto her lap, "i could never think that anything to do with you is stupid. please tell me."
"fine, but you have to promise you won't laugh."
abby rolled her pretty blue eyes, "on my own life, i promise i won't laugh."
the girl let out a deep sigh before she mumbled something under her breath.
"gonna need you to speak up for me there, baby."
"i had a dream that i was pregnant and then i had our baby, and we lived in a cute little house with a dog and we were so happy..." she sniffled, "and then i woke up and none of it was real."
abby was silent for a moment before a small smile and chuckle began to crack through her forced serious expression.
"abby!" y/n slapped her arm when she finally broke out in full laughter, "you promised!"
"i'm sorry baby," she held her tighter to her chest to keep her from moving away and began to rock her, "i'm sorry. that was just so cute, if i didn't laugh i was gonna cry."
"i miss our baby."
abby was in her last year of med school, and thanks to her big beautiful brain (and her trust fund), she was remotely debt free. the two had already discussed their plans to start looking for a house in a nice neighbourhood as soon as abby graduated and got a permanent placement somewhere, but the discussion of kids had sort of been sidelined up until now.
the blonde shook her head, "i can't wait to meet our baby. just give me a year, and then we'll start making that dream come true."
y/n beamed with happiness, curling into her girlfriend's beefy arms, "i can't wait to carry your baby."
"trust me," abby chuckled, "i can't wait to put a baby in you. i bet i'll get it to stick first try, but i'm all about consistency. i'm thinking five nights a week minimum."
both girls giggled at abby's joke, snuggling closer together in a peaceful silence before y/n finally spoke up once more.
"abs... you know you can't actually get me pregnant, right? i mean, you're in medical school for god's sake."
284 notes · View notes
nanamiya3 · 8 months
Note
Hello! As an SA survivor, I really appreciated your story with Naoya. My comfort character is Nanami and I was wondering if you could write something similar? Where reader has an anxiety attack bc of her trauma and finally tells nanami about it? She’s worried that he won’t accept her and nanami reminds her he’ll never do that. It’s a heavy topic so I completely understand if you want to pass on this! I appreciate your writing regardless so thank you for taking the time to write & post these stories :)
hii! i'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond (can you believe my last post was almost half a year ago :0) but thank you for the ask! i made this absurdly long because i love backstories but i hope you like it :)
-
nanami x fem reader (she/her pronouns used) - fluff & comfort - pet names (darling, sweetheart, baby) - wc. 7.7k
-
please note that there are mentions of SA (nothing explicit/graphic) after the little "exhibit" sections are over. if you aren't comfortable with mentions of past SA (ex: nanami asking if someone has "hurt" reader) please don't read past the little "exhibit" scenarios or don't read/expand the post at all :) again, it's pure fluff in the "exhibit a, b, c" parts, after that SA is discussed/alluded to
-
Nanami Kento is an exceedingly patient man.
Exhibit A: The time you were an hour late to your first date.
“Come on, just trust me on this one!” Shoko exclaims as she pelts you with blueberries—your blueberries.
“Hey!” You glare at your best friend, snatching the bowl of fruit away before any more berries end up on the floor. “Do you know how much blueberries cost these days? They’re not in season right now and—”
“Blah blah,” Shoko sticks her tongue out at you. “I’m not saying you have to marry him.. It’s just one date!” She pauses, tone becoming uncharacteristically serious. “I’ve been friends with him since high school… He’s a really nice guy, very respectful.”
“Oh?” You quirk an eyebrow at your roommate, laughter bubbling over your lips. “Very respectful,” you’re giggling now, “I’m sure he’s veryy respectful.”
Shoko groans, hands scrubbing at her face. “You’re unbelievable—I need a cigarette,” she mutters.
“You’re unbelievable! You’re a med student who smokes!” you cry out, flinging an accusatory finger at her.
Shoko just snorts, waving a dismissive hand in your direction as she pats at her pockets for her lighter. “I’m serious though, I think he would be good for you.”
“Sure, he’s exactly what I need,” you reply dryly. “What was his name again? Nanami something—”
“Kento,” Shoko chimes in.
“—Nanami Kento,” you finish, twirling a blueberry between your thumb and index finger. “I’m sure he’s a great person. But you know there’s a reason why I’m never home when your guy friends are over…” You trail off, shrugging as if you’re unbothered, but Shoko sees the way your brows furrow and lips tremble. “Plus, I’m too busy with my dissertation and research to try to have a life,” you huff, easing the tension with some lighthearted humor, popping the berry into your mouth.
Shoko rolls her eyes at you good-naturedly, waggling her brows as she tries to lift your spirits. “What if I showed you a picture of him?”
-
Two photos, a not-so-slick mention of Nanami’s height by Shoko, and a sworn testament to his upstanding character later, you fold.
-
You, 6:47 PM
hey! i’m running late right now, there was an emergency at the lab. can we push the date from 7 to 8? i’m really sorry :(
Nanami Kento, 6:50 PM
Yes, of course. I hope everything is okay, take as long as you need.
You, 6:51 PM
thank you so much! again, i’m really sorry. i should be there by 8 :)
-
Nanami reads your text, slipping his phone into his pocket as he sighs. He had already arrived at the restaurant by the time he saw your first message—it’s too late to leave and come back now. He takes a seat in the waiting area, glancing at the bouquet in his lap. Shoko had threatened to break both his legs if he so much as breathed at you wrong tonight—he hopes you won’t find the flowers too much for a first date.
Nanami thinks back to what he knows about you. He remembers the first time he was at Shoko’s place: you were nowhere in sight (much to the dismay of Gojo, who kept asking Shoko to play matchmaker for him), but Shoko just explained that you were studying late at the library. Every time after that, it was another excuse: Shoko’s roommate can’t come because she’s busy in the lab, busy at the library, busy writing her dissertation, busy running simulations, busy reading papers, busy being a TA, busy meeting with her advisor. He’s only seen you once while at your apartment, and that was because he accidentally walked into your room thinking it was the bathroom: You’d been hunched over your desk, back to the door, and Nanami had immediately walked right back out into the hallway upon his realization that bathrooms didn’t usually contain beds and desks, shutting the door as quickly as possible so as to not disturb you. You hadn’t even turned around by the time he was gone.
That was the first and last time Nanami Kento ever saw you. At least until last week, when he received a text from Shoko detailing your contact info and a winky face, phone lighting up with a call from your roommate moments later.
“Hello?”
“Kentoooo!!! Guess what??” Shoko’s voice is all high pitched and giggly, barely containing her excitement.
Nanami thinks he knows exactly what she’s up to. “What is it?” he ventures.
“My roommate just agreed to go on a date! With you!!” Shoko’s glee is apparent, even through the tinny speaker on Nanami’s phone. “I just sent—”
“I never asked her out,” Nanami cuts in. He’s frowning slightly: not entirely opposed to the idea, just hoping Shoko hasn’t gone and planned your marriage without his knowledge.
Shoko’s sigh echoes loudly over the line, and Nanami winces at the earful he’s sure to be in for. “I know,” she’s rolling her eyes now. “That’s why—if you would just let me finish my sentence—I sent you her number so you could ask her yourself.”
Nanami’s quiet for a moment, thinking it over before he asks, “Why are you doing this?”
Shoko doesn’t miss a beat. “Because you’re both losers with no lives,” she laughs a little at her own joke, then slowly considers her next words. “And… I think you would treat her well—I know you would be good to her, and she deserves that.”
Nanami can tell how much Shoko cares about you, from the way she spoke about you to the way she threatened to buy 51% of his start up’s shares and tank the company if he ever hurt you. Yeah, he really hopes you don’t think he’s coming on too strong with the flowers.
So, Nanami sits in the restaurant patiently, checking his phone ever so often to make sure he hasn’t missed any messages from you, smiling and telling the hostess he’d like to wait a while longer to be seated. And when you do show up—17 minutes earlier than expected—he’s all smiles and reassurances. You’re feeling (and looking) frazzled, apologies spilling out from your mouth like a dam let loose as you follow him and the hostess to your table. But Nanami’s the quintessential gentleman: waving away your guilt and apologetic expression, pulling your chair out for you, handing you the beautiful arrangement of flowers, pouring you a glass of water to help calm you down, insisting you call him Kento.
And though most people wince and attempt to change the topic when you talk research, Kento’s patient as he listens to your ramblings on the roadblocks you face, the students you have to teach, the lack of common sense in the lab. He makes a point to ask questions about your research, finding it interesting because you find it interesting, loving the way your face lights up when you get to describe the implications of your findings.
You hate to admit it, already hearing Shoko’s “I told you so!” in your head as you think to yourself, but Nanami Kento might just be exactly what you need.
Exhibit B: The time you spent 4 consecutive days with your head in a toilet bowl.
Shoko Ieri, 1:58 PM
dude, what the hell are you doing right now???
Nanami Kento, 2:01 PM
What do you mean? I’m working.
Shoko Ieri, 2:01 PM
what could possibly be so important with your company that you’d be working right now??
Nanami Kento, 2:02 PM
It’s 2 PM on a Monday… Am I not supposed to be working right now?
Shoko Ieri, 2:02 PM
you’re so fucking dense you would sink in the dead sea. your girlfriend has been throwing up all day and you’re WORKING?
Nanami Kento, 2:02 PM
Throwing up? What do you mean??
**Incoming call from Nanami Kento**
“Hey assho—”
“What do you mean she’s been throwing up all day?” Kento’s voice is tinged with urgency and worry. “Is she okay? Are you there with her? Can you check her temperature? I’ll be there in—”
“Dude,” Shoko cuts in, “Don’t act like you didn’t know. There’s no way you didn’t know—I mean she’s been hurling like crazy since this morning, and you’re an asshole for not checking up on her.”
Kento’s shocked, and still extremely worried, trying to just get Shoko to focus so he can make sure you’re okay. “I really didn’t know, Ieri, she hasn’t texted me at all today.” His voice is strained, concern evident in his tone. “Please tell me you’re at home with her—is she okay?”
“Well…” Shoko considers how to best put your condition so as to not cause Kento a heart attack, a little confused on why you didn’t tell him anything. “She’s been throwing up pretty steadily throughout the day and she’s got a pretty bad fever.”
“How bad are we talking? I’m driving over right now.”
“104 degrees… 104.6 last I checked,” Shoko winces as she says it, knowing how bad it sounds.
“Oh my god.” The absolute terror in Kento’s voice makes Shoko wince even harder. “Ieri, we need to get her to a hospital—this is serious.”
Shoko shakes her head, reporting dejectedly, “She won’t go. I tried a couple hours ago but she said she doesn’t get paid enough by the school to afford an emergency visit.”
Kento’s at a loss for words.
“She said she’ll be fine since I’m ‘basically a doctor,’” Shoko finishes bitterly.
“T-that’s not… You’re not… Y-you’re just a med student—that’s not the same thing—” Kento thinks he might have a heart attack.
“I know, I know,” Shoko sighs. “But, I don’t think it’s anything too bad. She isn’t throwing up blood, her breath and heart rate are both pretty stable, and she was conscious enough to talk back to me when I tried to get her to the hospital.”
“Okay,” Kento says as he takes deep breaths, trying to not think about you dying or suffering or—“Okay. Okay. Okay. I’ll be there soon, then. We can talk later.”
“Alright. Drive safe—I don’t need another patient to look after,” Shoko jokes before hanging up.
5 minutes later, a stressed Nanami Kento is on your doorstep, rushing in as soon as Shoko answers the door, barely listening to what she’s saying as he moves towards your room. And then he’s inside, kneeling before your bed as his eyes dart over your figure, murmuring a gentle, “Hi baby, how are you feeling?”
You blink your eyes open, trying to pull yourself out of that feverish fog blanketing your mind as you slowly register who’s in your line of sight. No… It can’t be. How did he find out? He’s not supposed to be here—you didn’t tell him for a reason.
“Ken?…” You rub at your eyes, sitting up with a whimper as a wave of nausea hits you square in the stomach. “W-why are you here?”
“Because somebody told me you have a 104 fever, and it wasn’t you,” Kento tuts, tone disapproving but eyes gentle.
“Ieri…” you mumble, shaking your head slightly.
“Ieri,” he confirms, shaking his own head—this time at you. “We’ll talk more about that later… Right now, I need to make sure my darling is feeling okay.”
Your mind is still foggy, but your lips quirk up into a small smile as you tease in a small voice, “Your darling is feeling superb.” You give him a weak thumbs up and cheesy grin. “I feel great.”
“Really? Because there’s a bit of vomit on your chin right now,” Kento deadpans, secretly relieved you’re feeling well enough to joke.
And then you cry out in mock outrage, regretting it almost immediately as you clutch at your middle, the outburst costing you a fit of spasms and pain in your stomach. Kento’s mood sobers instantly as he gently rubs at your back, asks if there’s anything he can do for you, adjusting the pillows behind you to help ease you into a more comfortable position.
“You should go,” you whisper as you reach up to grip his hand.
“Now why would I do that?” Kento asks, smiling softly as he feels your hold on his hand tighten.
You turn your face into the pillows, mumbling out a muffled, “I’m sick… and gross. I can’t let you see me like this.” You groan, turning your head back to look at your boyfriend as you caution, “And you’re going to get sick.”
Kento just smiles as he cups your hand between his own. “You never look gross, and I won’t get sick because I don’t overwork myself.”
You huff out a tired sigh, weakly swatting at the hands wrapped around your own as you slur, “It’s rude to torment the sick and dying,” and turn on your side to face the wall—away from your amused caretaker.
-
For the next three days, Kento—with the help of Shoko, (not quite) M.D.—looks after you as you miraculously manage to regurgitate every bit of sustenance you consume. He’s cleaned that metal “throw-up” bowl on your nightstand—meant to be used in case you couldn’t get to the bathroom in time—more times that he can count. He’s changed your sheets, helped you to the bathroom, and dutifully cooked light soups and stews, spooning them into your mouth before inevitably patting your back reassuringly as you throw it up into the toilet. Most of all, he’s poked and prodded you with that goddamn thermometer: if you had the strength to, you’d steal it right out of his hands and tell him to quit being a mother hen.
But Kento just can’t help his worrying. To take care of you, he’s been staying the night over, sleeping on that couch in the living room he’s definitely too large for. Even Shoko feels a little bad for him, watching him dutifully set alarms for every other hour so he can check up on you throughout the night. The two of them work in tandem to make sure you’re okay, combining the power of Shoko’s education with Kento’s sheer stress to maximize your care.
And when you finally come to—when the haze clouding your thoughts finally clears—he’s just as patient and gentle as he has been over the past few days.
“You’ve gotta stop overworking yourself, sweetheart,” Kento murmurs into the top of your head.
“I can rest when I’m dead,” you protest, twisting from your position on his chest to make a show out of the dramatic wink you send his way.
Kento groans. “That’s what I’m afraid of,” he says with a sigh, helping you curl back up on top of him.
You giggle, breath fanning out against his collarbone, amused by Kento’s exasperation. “Thanks for taking care of me though, Ken. You’re the best,” you whisper softly, turning to pressing a kiss against his neck.
“Of course, darling,” he replies quietly, voice full of love. Then, louder, feigning nonchalance, Kento announces, “But if you don’t start taking better care of yourself, you’ll be on your own, and I’ll just watch from a distance and say ‘I told you so’ when you get sick.”
“You wouldn’t do that to me!” you pout, frowning at the thought of him purposely ignoring you.
Kento sighs, pretending to be upset, “You’re right. I wouldn’t do that.” He reports dejectedly, “I just love you too much,” practically able to feel your smile at his words against his skin. “But—” he leans down and tilts your head up to look at him, thumb and forefinger holding your chin in place to maintain steady eye contact. “—the next time you’re sick or in need of help, you’ll tell me directly.” His voice is serious, as firm as his grip on your chin and it makes you nervous, like you’re in trouble, eyes darting around to avoid his gaze. “No trying to hide it, no making me worry. I shouldn’t have found out about your fever from Ieri—you should have told me yourself. I don’t want you hiding things from me, especially if it’s about your health and well-being. Got it?”
You’ve tensed up against Kento, heart hammering in your throat as you feel a wave of guilt wash over you. His free hand moves to soothe your back—trying to show that he’s not angry with you—as he drops his hand from your chin, eyes tracking the way you hang your head to avoid looking at him.
And then, after a bout of anxiousness, you nod, stealing a glance up at Kento to gauge his mood as you start, “I’m sorry, Ken, I didn’t mean to worry you.” You take a deep breath before you continue, “I just didn’t want to bother you. I knew you’d drop everything if you heard I was sick and it wouldn’t have been fair for me to take advantage of you like that.” You pick at a piece of lint on his shirt, avoiding catching his eye and aiming for humor as you add, “And nobody wants to watch their partner throw up, it’s gross. I couldn’t let you fall out of love with me like that.”
Kento cracks a smile. “Darling, if you think throwing up in front of me is going to make me stop loving you, I need to do a much better job of showing you how much you mean to me.”
You huff out a laugh at that, but he’s not done, cupping your hands with his own as he looks down at you. “And you’re never a bother, baby, ever. I’m never going to be upset with you for letting me know you’re not feeling well—and you won’t be ‘taking advantage’ of me by letting me know. It’s my own choice to take care of you and it makes me happy to do it.”
You’re looking down at where Kento’s hands are wrapped around your own, but you nod, letting his words sink in as you duck your head back down into the crook of his neck. “Thanks, Ken,” you whisper, trying to hide how relieved and emotional him saying that makes you feel. “That means… a lot to me. I’ll promise I won’t hide things from you anymore.”
Your boyfriend smiles, replying with a soft “good girl” as he runs his thumb along the back of your hand. He’s glad you’re opening up, and as you doze off on him, exhausted from your past couple of days and lulled to sleep by the comfortable silence and gentle caresses, he feels a surge of affection settle over his heart.
Exhibit C: The time you he won a stuffed lion at the fair.
Today is a special day. There are no papers to grade, no students to teach, no presentations or talks to prepare, and your research has reached a point where you can confidently take a few days off to rest. Naturally, you decide to optimize this golden opportunity by doing only the essentials: Scheduling a long overdue doctor’s appointment, deep cleaning your apartment, spending as much time with Kento as possible, going to the fair…. Just the essentials!
So—essentially—you’re at the fair with Kento, ignoring your ever growing list of responsibilities in favor of overpriced food and rigged carnival games. Kento’s already sporting a large tote on one shoulder, ready to collect all the prizes you’re eager to win.
Three hours, six stuffed animals, a pizza, two churros, a basket of fries, five rides, and a petting zoo later, you find yourself surveying the prizes on display in front of the cursed ring toss.
“Awww, Ken look at that one!” You’re pointing to a stuffed lion sitting amongst the prizes. “It kinda looks like you, don’t you think?”
The face Kento’s making right now can only be described as… distaste. “No… Love, I don’t see the resemblance.”
“No, no, no, look at the color! It looks just like your hair,” you exclaim, gasping and pointing once more as you realize, “Hey! It even has a little frown on its face! Do you see it Ken?”
“I don’t frown that often,” Kento says with a frown. “I’m quite happy when I’m with you.”
You burst into a fit of laughter, wishing he could have watched himself say that. “Sure, Ken,” you drawl, patting him on the shoulder as you get in line for the game, set on winning his lion-lookalike.
However, after 4 tries and an absurd amount of money, you decide to call for backup.
"Kennn," you singsong as you turn to look at him with big, pleading eyes. "Can you help me win this game?"
Kento's heart sinks, feeling conflicted. On the one hand, he'd do anything to make you happy. On the other hand, if he helps you win the lion, he'll spend the rest of his days hearing "Awww.. Isn't he just so cute?? He looks just like you, baby!" about a stuffed, over-evolved house cat.
But, in the end, the little angel on his shoulder (with a voice that sounds suspiciously similar to yours) wins. As Kento steps up for his try, he half considers putting no effort in and losing the game just so you won’t be able to correlate his good looks to a stuffed animal. Then, he (or maybe the little angel up there) decides he can’t do that to you—it would just be too cruel.
So, Kento gets ready for his turn: rolling his sleeves up, passing you the bag on his shoulder, and sighing without meaning to.
His first try is a failure. Each of the 5 rings supplied magically bounced off the bottlenecks, frustrating him to no end. “This game is rigged, sweetheart. We should find something else to play,” Kento grumbles, turning away from the booth with an irritated expression.
You shake your head, insisting, “But this is the only game we’ve seen that has that stuffed lion!” Then, you bring out the big guns, clasping your hands together and widening your eyes, begging, “Please, Ken..”
Aaaand…. He’s a goner, always so soft and willing when it comes to you.
Reinvigorated by your pleading and determined to make you happy, your boyfriend sets out on a mission to win you that stuffed lion.
After his first try, Kento sighs so hard you think you might physically feel the wind from it tickling at your forehead.
After his second try, Kento turns to you and drops a sweet little kiss on your nose to remind himself why he’s subjecting himself to this frustrating torture.
After his third try, Kento runs a hand through his hair, readjusting his sleeves with more force than necessary as he squints menacingly at the table of glass bottles.
After his fourth try, you tug at his wrist, telling him, “You don’t have to keep trying, Ken. It’s okay.” You feel guilty watching him get more and more frustrated, but he smiles, patting the back of your hand as he tells you it’s okay.
After his fifth try, Kento looks up at the stuffed lion as he takes a deep, calming breath, trying to stay focused on winning the prize and not how annoying this blatantly rigged game is.
After his sixth try, you’re seriously impressed by Kento’s ability to remain calm. You practically had steam coming out of your ears with each of your missed throws, but he’s taking this like a champ—maybe you’ll read some of his self help books to learn his ways.
After his seventh try, Kento curses under his breath, beginning to lose his cool.
After his eighth try, Kento thinks it might be time to start believing in a deity: Maybe he would have won on his first or second try with divine intervention on his side.
And then! After returning to purchase almost ten consecutive attempts and officially creeping out the worker managing the booth, Kento’s fourth ring finally finds its place around the neck of a bottle!!
You jump up and down and clap in celebration, elated by Kento’s victory. He immediately turns toward you, excitement written across his features as he wraps you up in a hug. You’re giggling and pressing kisses onto his cheek, murmuring thank you’s against his skin as you both grin ear to ear—both entirely too old to be so elated over a win at the carnival.
And even as you tease him, holding the stuffed toy up next to his face in comparison, he thinks his patience may have just paid off.
Nanami Kento is an exceedingly patient man.
That’s why, as you break down in front of him, he’s patient.
Just minutes ago, you’d been okay—you’d been more than okay. Seated on Kento’s lap, breath heavy as he scattered kisses across your face—moving from cheek to nose to lips to forehead—you’d been beyond okay.
Nothing had been too out of the ordinary: though Kento wasn’t a voracious and demanding lover, the two of you had shared more than a fair amount of kisses and “makeout sessions.” And you enjoyed these kisses, these “sessions,” but you also enjoyed keeping it at that, never progressing further than a few wandering touches and a lost shirt or two. Kento, always happy to follow your lead, to respect your boundaries, would never press further when you’d break away and ask to go to bed, to watch the movie, to cook dinner together.
Tonight, you planned on spending the night together at Kento’s apartment. Falling asleep and waking up next to Kento might be one of your favorite things in the world: his hair is always perfectly mussed, voice deep and raspy, and touch gentle and loving. You always wake up happy and warm all over when you feel his arm around your middle, breath hot on your ear as he murmurs a low “Good morning, darling.”
So, you show up at Kento’s place at around 6, a bag of groceries on your arm, just like usual. The two of you work together in the kitchen, each spoon feeding the other small taste-tests, just like usual. Dinner is a quiet, romantic affair, intimate and sweet, just like usual. After the wining and dining, you two curl up in bed and watch an episode of that show you’re slowly making your way through together, just like usual.
And when you end up straddling him, TV already shut off, fingers gently twisting in his soft, golden hair, Kento thinks he can get used to this being added to your usual. His hands are splayed out across your back, keeping you close to his chest as he smiles into your swollen, kiss-bitten lips. And when he starts dropping sweet little kisses—like a saint delivering small blessings—all over your face, who are you to hold back that little whimper in the back of your throat? Who is Kento to deny the surge of desire flaring low in his stomach at your reactions? His hands slip underneath your shirt, playing with the band of your bra as you squirm against him and tilt your head up to kiss him again. He moves further—further than he’s ever gone with you—and runs a finger along the underside of the waistband of your pants, brushing a knuckle against the soft skin of your pelvis.
That’s when everything changes.
The second you feel Kento touch you lower than your stomach you freeze up, jerking away from the soft kiss you’d been caught up in. Your eyes go wide and you scramble off of his lap, breath frantic as you try to calm the spike of panic blurring your senses. You’re trying to keep an eye on Kento—on his movements and expressions and demeanor—but it’s hard with how suddenly you’ve become overwhelmed and it makes you feel scared, the way you don’t know what exactly he’s going to do next.
It was just one touch, it’s okay. He doesn’t know, he didn’t mean it, he wasn’t trying to... It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s—
“Sweetheart? Are you okay? I’m not gonna hurt you, it’s okay,” Kento tries to soothe you, but you look at him like you’re… scared of him and he hates himself for frightening you so bad.
What happened?
He thinks he might have an idea of what may have set you off, and as your breathing becomes more and more erratic, he begins to worry.
“Baby,” Kento starts, tone gentle. “Has someone ever… hurt you like this? By touching you?”
The way you flinch at his words is enough to confirm his suspicions, but Kento stays quiet, waiting for you to respond.
You don’t want to tell him. Your eyes keep darting around, nervous gaze cast down onto the blanket as you think about how you should lie—
But, wait. You promised Kento that you wouldn’t hide things from him, that you’d tell him things about your health and well-being. You really shouldn’t lie to him, not about this, but you really don’t want to tell him.
You don’t want to tell him because you don’t want him to say that it was your fault, that maybe you deserved it. You don’t want to tell him because you don’t want him to start treating you like you’re dirty or shameful, like an embarrassing secret. You don’t want to tell him because you don’t want him to get angry at you for not telling him sooner, because maybe he wouldn’t have loved you all this time—wasted all this time—if he knew. You don’t want to tell him because you don’t want him to tell you that it isn’t a big deal, that you don’t have a right to be so upset over something like this, that you’re overreacting. You don’t want to tell him because you don’t want to ruin this peaceful little thing between you and him with your own issues and nightmares. You don’t want to tell him because—
Crap. You’ve been stuck in your own head for too long. The air feels thick with an awkwardly long silence as you scramble to mash together an appropriate response, but Kento’s patient and he waits without judgement, kind eyes filled with worry.
And you really don’t want to tell him, eyes welling up with tears because you’re stressed and anxious and not sure about what you’re supposed to do.
Finally, you decide to just lie, choking out a pained, “No—” as hot tears spill over your cheeks. You feel horrible and guilty for lying, knowing that Kento has never been anything but upfront and honest with you, but you’ve never been as good and brave as him so you let the lie spread its wings and shield you.
Your breath is coming out in short, stuttered pants as you try to fight the wave of anxiety attempting to drown you, hands coming up to cover your mouth in an attempt to muffle your choked sobs.
You feel horrible.
You feel horrible for lying.
You feel horrible because you ruined the moment of fun you were having with Kento.
You feel horrible for this breakdown, even if you know you can’t help it, because Kento doesn’t deserve to have to deal with this baggage he didn’t ask for.
You feel horrible because being with Kento has helped you come so far out of your shell, but now it feels like it’s all been ruined, like no matter how much progress you make, you’ll never be able to fully heal, fully escape.
You feel horrible because you can’t get those memories out of your head.
You feel horrible because you keep thinking about the last time someone touched you where Kento did.
You feel horrible for ever correlating Kento and his goodness to that person, even if it’s just in your head, even if you can’t help it, even if it’s involuntary because you’re scared.
You just feel horrible. You feel horrible about everything. And when Kento reaches for you, moving to try and gently tug at your wrist, worried about your frantic breathing and the way you seem to be trying to stop your breathing altogether with your shaking hands, you feel even worse.
When you see Kento’s hand move toward your face, you flinch so hard you choke, gasping behind your palm as you squeeze your eyes shut, shoulders tightening up with fear. You’re so on edge right now and your vision is too blurry with tears to properly gauge if he’s angry at you or not, so you just figure he is. You figure he’s seen through your lie and he’s upset with you, upset for a multitude of reasons that just overwhelm you further. You figure that if your tears dried you’d look up and find an angry Kento looming above you, brows pulled low and lips stretched into a disgusted sneer.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Kento gently murmurs, pulling his hand back, interrupting your self-destructive thoughts. “I need you to take a few deep breaths with me—think you can do that for me baby?”
Numbly, through all the noise in your mind, you follow Kento’s voice like a lifeline, nodding with an uncoordinated jerk of your neck.
“Good girl,” he praises you kindly. “Now I’m gonna need you to move your hands away from your mouth,” Kento instructs, adding softly, “Gotta stop holding your breath sweetheart, gotta let yourself breathe, even if your breathing isn’t quite right yet.”
Taking a shuddering breath, you nod again, dropping your hands from your mouth. But, once your hands drop, you stop trying to control your gasping breathing and begin to panic at the heavy heaving of your chest. Now, you’re breathing too irregularly and awkwardly: inhaling when you need to exhale and exhaling over your exhales and struggling to just take a solid breath in because your lungs won’t listen.
Because you’re breathing too rapidly, you’re simultaneously suffocating and breathing too much, escalating your panic. You’re scared and getting lightheaded and it’s too much—one hand comes up to muffle your mouth again almost immediately.
However, this time Kento is prepared, and his voice pulls you back to reality as he murmurs, “Ohhh, baby. It’s okay, it’s okay.” His voice is low and sweet and it makes you pause, instinctively wanting to listen. “I know it’s scary, but you have to keep your hand away from your mouth. Don’t try to restrict your breathing—there you go, there’s my good girl.”
You’ve tugged your hand away again, placing it in your lap as you blink up at Kento through watery lashes.
“Alright, sweetheart, now I want you to focus on your breathing. I’m going to take a few deep breaths and I want you to try to match your breathing with mine,” he says gently. “Does that sound okay?”
You nod shakily, panic ebbing slightly as you listen to his familiar voice and begin to follow the slow rhythm he sets.
“Inhale…. Exhale…”
“Inhale…” Exhale.
Inhale… Exhale….
“Good girl, that was perfect. You’re doing amazing, love,” he praises. You know he’s just being kind—your breath is stuttering and you’re involuntarily mixing up the inhales and exhales—but Kento’s reassurance makes you feel safe and calm regardless.
After a few more cycles of breath, the dizziness fades and oxygen begins steadily flowing through your lungs as you follow Kento’s lead.
Inhale… “Exhale…”
“Inhale… Exhale…”
Inhale… Exhale….
As you continue to try to control your breathing, you reach out to pick up his hand, trying to silently bridge the gap between you two, making the small first move to show him that you’re slowly becoming more comfortable and grounded. He lets you lace your hand in his, thumb comfortingly brushing against the skin of your hand, the touch gently reassuring you that you’re safe.
Soon, you feel confident enough to wordlessly move towards Kento, letting him wrap you up in a comforting embrace. Being in his arms always makes you feel better, and now that you’ve calmed down enough to realize that he’s not going to hurt you, you press yourself into his chest, searching for his steady patience and gentle manner. Your breathing has evened out, and your mind has cleared enough for you to begin flipping back on what just happened. Kento stays quiet, letting you sort through the cascade of emotions you just experienced, but the silence doesn’t feel hostile—it’s welcoming and patient.
You were kissing Kento, and then he.. he touched you and it freaked you out, and then he was talking to you and… And then he asked you a question. He asked if… He wanted to know if—
Oh my god. You lied to him.
Oh god. You need to apologize—own up to what you did and tell him the truth. But as you think about what to do, your breath begins to stumble over itself again and your heart rate picks up, anxiety taking over your senses.
Your eyes fill up with tears and you look up at Kento, saying in a small voice, “Ken? I… I lied to you… earlier.” Your words are continually interrupted by an emerging pattern of involuntary breaths and hiccups, but you continue on, “I… When y-you asked… S-someone has hurt—hurt me.. before… I lied to—to you.”
You’re fully crying now, and Kento tries calming you down, rubbing your back carefully, heart sinking at your tears and the way your breathing begins to turn into struggling gasps again.
“Oh, darling. I’m so sorry,” he murmurs into the top of your head, continuing to gently soothe your back. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Thank you for telling me—my brave, brave girl.”
Kento’s heart hurts. It hurts knowing that you’ve been hurt in the past, that you’re sobbing in his arms because someone hurt you. It hurts knowing that you felt too scared to tell him the truth, and it hurts even more knowing that you feel scared to admit that you lied. He wants you to feel comfortable with him—to know that you should never be scared of him.
“I-Im,” you choke out through gasping breaths, “‘m sorry—I’m sorry, so—sorry. I’m sorry, K-Ken.”
You’re not sure what you’re apologizing for, you just know that you need to be apologizing for something. Maybe you’re apologizing for lying. Maybe you’re apologizing for having been assaulted. Maybe you’re apologizing to try to appease Kento so he won’t be as angry with you for your betrayal—for not being the person he thought you were. Maybe you’re apologizing for not letting him continue to touch you—for stopping before you’re hurt again.
But Kento just shakes his head kindly, patting your back good-naturedly in response. “It’s okay sweetheart. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. Shhhh, shhhhhh, you’re okay, it’s okay, shhhhh,” he coaxes gently.
“I’m sorry—sorry, ‘m really sorry f-for lying to you.” You keep apologizing, barely registering his words to you. All of your guilt from everything has cumulated, and though you’re apologizing for lying, deep down you’re apologizing for much, much more.
“It’s okay, darling,” Kento tells you quietly, ever so patient as you choke on sob after sob. “I’m not upset with you, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m not angry, baby.”
His voice is so achingly gentle, and the way he rubs circles into your back makes your heart break and shatter. How can a person be filled with so much good? You expected anger and rejection, but Kento is being so accepting and sweet it makes you break down into tears. After being mistreated for so long, it feels odd to be embraced so wholly and kindly, and you feel like you don’t deserve to be treated with so much care.
Kento, however, is on a mission to make you feel better. He gracefully waves off your apologies, insisting that it’s okay, that you have nothing to be sorry for. Instead, he apologizes, bowing his head as he begs your forgiveness for overstepping your boundaries. When you shake your head vehemently, insisting he didn’t do anything wrong, he just scolds you gently, “You don’t need to take the blame for everything—it’s okay to give yourself a break. I know I hurt you, and I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I’m deeply sorry. I pushed you past what you were comfortable with and it’s not your fault, it’s mine.”
That makes you go quiet, the silence split only by your uneven and choppy breathing—remnants of the tears still sporadically tumbling from your lashes. Kento’s apology is earnest, and his insistence that you not blame yourself makes you see the situation in a new light.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe it’s okay for you to give yourself a break once in a while. Maybe you didn’t do anything wrong and you’re just so used to being told it was your fault that you’ve come to believe it. Maybe, even if he didn’t mean you any harm, he still hurt you, and you deserved his apology for the way it scared you.
You’re silent for a little while longer, but then you reach up and pat him on the head, fluffy strands of hair ruffled by the act of affection.
“Thank you, Ken,” you tell him with a sweet, forgiving smile. “Thank you for apologizing, but I don’t blame you for what happened. You didn’t know my exact boundaries and you didn’t mean to hurt me. It’s okay, really.”
However, there’s still one more thing in the back of your mind bothering you.
“But… Do you still.. want to be with me? I mean, does it bother you that—that—” You break off, unable to finish your sentence.
“Hey, hey, hey. Look at me, love.” Kento pulls back slightly, one arm cradling your back as the other moves to wipe at a stray tear on your cheek. “This doesn’t change anything, okay? You’re still the same person I fell in love with, and I’m not ‘bothered’ by anything about you. Nothing about this is your fault, and I would never treat it as such.”
You nod, relief written all over your face as you breathe out, “Okay, okay.”
“Seriously,” he huffs. “Where are you getting these silly ideas from? I would never leave you, especially not over this.”
Kento seems almost offended that you think he’d stoop so low, tapping your nose as he clucks his tongue in disapproval. You just shrug self-consciously, a little flustered by how sincere he’s being.
“Okay, then,” you sigh dramatically, scrubbing away at the last of your tears. “I guess I’ll have to just take one for the team and stay with you forever—since you’re obviously so obsessed with me.”
“Oh yeah?” he murmurs, a smile twitching at the corners of his lips. “You’re quite generous, entertaining this obsession.”
“Yup,” you confirm, waving a dismissive hand as you continue in a conspiratorial whisper, “It’s your lucky day. I’m running a one-night special where I grant the favors of my fans.” A grin is slowly making its way onto your face, and your smile bleeds into your tone when you tease, “Don’t get too excited though—I know it’s big news.”
Kento has the most lovesick look on his face as he looks down at you, shaking his head in amusement. “Well, I’m certainly one lucky fan.”
And you giggle at that, wrapping your arms around his middle as you snuggle into his hold. “You’re my favorite fan,” you mumble into his shirt, pressing your cheek against his chest to listen to his steady heartbeat.
“Hey, does that mean you have other fans you like?”
bonus:
“What are you watching?” You ask, poking your head over Kento’s shoulder to peek at the video he’s watching on his phone.
He jumps up, shutting off the screen immediately, stuttering, “N-nothing, darling.”
You’re unconvinced, reaching for his phone as you squint at him. “Really? You seem awfully jumpy for someone doing ‘nothing,’” you deadpan. Then, you narrow your eyes, accusing, “You better not be watching extra episodes of that kdrama you said you hated without me. I know you secretly love it—it’s okay, you can admit it!”
You’ve got a smug grin on your face and Kento doesn’t even try to fight it as you enter the passcode to his phone (your birthday, of course), accepting defeat and rubbing at his temples as the screen unlocks to the Youtube video he’d been watching. He’d rather endure the teasing than try to wrestle the device away from you and accidentally hurt or scare you in the process.
“‘Helping Someone Who Is Having A Panic Attack,’” you read out loud, glancing up at your boyfriend as your eyes widen, grin slowly fading. You click on his watch history, jaw dropping as you see his recently played videos.
What Is A Panic Attack?
How To Help Your Friend During A Panic Attack
Signs Of Hyperventilation And How To Stop Hyperventilating
Best Breathing Technique To Calm Panic Attacks And Anxiety
What NOT To Say To Someone Who Is Having An Anxiety Attack
“Oh my.. Oh my god. Oh my god, Ken.” Your eyes have welled up with tears. You can’t believe he’s been researching how to help you—you don’t even have words to describe how emotional this makes you feel.
Kento has a sheepish look on his face, a little embarrassed you caught him binging those videos. “Yeah… I uh..” He clears his throat awkwardly. “Just wanted to… yknow…” He shrugs, and it’s pathetic and lame and it makes you love him that much more. “Wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing… Just in case you ever get… scared.. again.” He coughs a little, looking self-conscious. “Not—not that I think it’ll happen again but—”
You cut him off before he can get another word in, practically suffocating him as you wrap him up in a tight hug. Your arms around his neck are squeezing, but Kento doesn’t make any moves to stop you. Instead, he wraps his arms around your waist, turning his head to press a kiss to your cheek as you whisper, “Thank you,” voice thick with emotion.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
if you've made it this far: thank you for reading :) please take care of yourself, and for all of my survivors out there, please know that it's not your fault, never will be your fault, and never has been your fault!! i love you all and i hope everybody has a great rest of their summer :D
593 notes · View notes
mangocustard16 · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
SEVENTEEN'S REACTION TO THEIR S/O BEING DOCTOR/SURGEON
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
genre: fluff warnings: fake diseases, mentions of ER, hospitals, accidents and blood lmk if i missed someting wc: 512 a/n: i really wanted to use the 'spin wheel thingy' so i chose 6 members using this also i have zero medical knowledge so don't come at me with for the medical terms
mingyu
excited to use all the cheesy pickup lines he learned from the internet
“Doctor! I think there’s something wrong with my heart. It keeps fluttering every time I see you.”
super proud, brags about it everywhere
got a cold and called Hoshi to tell him that he couldn't come for practice cuz he got rhinorrhea
acts like he gains medical knowledge just by being in your presence
seungkwan
loves absolutely loveeesss to introduce you as Dr. Y/N
would cringe whenever he hears you talk about surgery or every time you describe a particular night in the ER
doesn't understand patient privacy, don't get him wrong he respects them
but whenever you tell him about a specific patient, he has to know their name to relate more to the story
brought back a hurt dog so that you could help him heal
"Baby I’m not a veterinarian! Take out the car we need to go to a vet"
joshua
you had been out of med school for about three weeks and had applied for different hospitals and hospices but no one had gotten back to you
joshua was very supportive, driving you to all the interviews and buying you meals
As you stared at the floor soaking in the rejection, you felt a little sad and upset when the doorbell rang and the mailman dropped off a mail
you asked joshua to read the mail for you, not having the energy to get off the couch just to read another "We regret to inform you." letter
"Dear Dr. Y/l/n, we would like to first thank you for your application to work at our hospital, we hope you can come by to discuss your working hours by-"
"I'M IN!" You screamed throwing yourself into joshua's arms
jeonghan
he knew that being an EMT was a very emotionally taxing job and that you've to desensitize yourself towards accidents to help the patients
but boy is beyond shocked when he sees you in action
someone had accidentally slipped down the stairs and hit their head
you jumped right into action and called an ambulance while a pool of blood surrounded their head while everyone around you froze 
scoups
He would be so happy you were a doctor and that you were so smart 
he would love to see you talk about work and patients and speak about some things he didn’t even get
would be your number one supporter
loves to wear your coat and act like a doctor
"Sneezes, headache, and pelvis pain.... yeah you just have noseadvisitis, there is no cure it just comes with old age byee"
expect lots and lots of fake medical terms cuz he loves to pretend like he knows medicine
dino
everything's fine as long as you are not descriptive about wounds 
urges you to describe your day at the hospital
but grimaces at the mention of blood
finds it kind of weird that you don't smell like the hospital
homeboy always thought that the doctors smelled like the hospital, but is internally grateful that you don't smell like the hospital
is very nosy whenever he sees you studying
"I thought you already passed med school? What are you studying for now"
@kflixnet @k-films@k-labels
taglist⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅: @bangchansbae @haecien @aaniag @aaasia111 @weird-bookworm @gigification @bewoyewo if you want to be added just send me an ask ♡⸝⸝
reblog if you liked !!
211 notes · View notes
skzsauce01 · 5 months
Text
What Was I Made For
Synopsis: College is hard, but it's even worse when you're a pre-med student and it's even, even worse when you don't want to go into medicine. Fortunately, the ghost that haunts your apartment is more kind, more annoying, and more helpful than you ever thought possible. College AU, ghost AU.
Warning: alcohol, bad parental relationship, mentions of death
Word Count: 6.2k
Pairing: f!reader x ghost!Kim Seungmin
A/N: Good luck with exams and classes!
Tumblr media
“Honey, I’m home,” you call. The handles of the reusable grocery bag you picked up from a club booth at the beginning of the semester are already starting to fall apart, so you’re forced to flip on the light switch with your shoulder blades. You glare at Seungmin, who is lounging on the couch, staring at the ceiling. “Could you at least pretend to help?”
“What’s the point? I can’t even eat whatever you bought.”
You sigh and set down your haul onto the tiny kitchen island that doubles as a dining table. When you make a big production of taking out your groceries, Seungmin still doesn’t look up. Despite his inability to eat food, he usually shows some interest, if only to judge your snack choices.
On the counter, bananas in a plastic produce bag to prevent fruit flies, and a new roll of paper towels. On the top shelf of the fridge, a tub of Greek yogurt that Seungmin makes fun of you for liking. Assorted salad mixes in the crisper. A whole rotisserie chicken and a carton of eggs on the middle shelf. In the cabinet goes a party-sized bag of barbeque chips, a pack of chocolate chip cookies you don’t want to discuss how much you paid for, and a box of protein bars. 
You take the last item out of the bag and hide it behind your back. You hover over Seungmin. “Guess what I got?”
“A bag of potatoes that will grow spuds because you can’t finish them all.”
“That was one time! Try again.”
He guesses wrong again and again, so after the fifth attempt, you hold your prize in front of his eyes. “A better vegetable peeler, just like you told me to. Are you proud of me?”
For a moment, his sullen eyes brighten at the memory of you struggling with your old peeler. He watched with great amusement as the flimsy blade repeatedly got caught on carrot skin and you grew more infuriated with each catch. In the end, you gave up and ate the skin, fuming with each bite of your meal. Seungmin laughed so hard, you thought he would lose control of his physical form and slip through the floor. 
He sighs, all of the joy escaping through his lips. “Yeah, sure. Sorry, it’s just one of those days.”
“We all have them. Hey, why don’t we do something tonight? I’m done studying, so we can watch a movie or play Mario Kart or something.” You plaster a smile on your face. “Fun, right?”
“You’re never gonna get into med school if this is how you work.”
Despite his admonishments, he sits up and swings his legs off the couch to make room for you. He didn’t choose an activity so Mario Kart it is. You leave your peeler on the coffee table and grab your joycons. When you flop beside him, tossing the blue one in his lap, he grumbles as he’s jostled around.
“I don’t even wanna go to med school,” you remind him. He already knows since it’s all you complain about these days as the MCAT draws closer, but that’s never stopped you from repeating yourself.
“Wow, what a problem. I’d die to go to med school.” 
Without thinking, you snort. “Too late for that.”
Seungmin has been dead for nearly two years. The old apartment complex burned down in an electrical fire, and due to the housing demand in the area, the university quickly built a new one in its place. Sure, you suspected it was probably haunted, but rent was on the cheaper side, especially for a single room, so you moved in and learned about your unofficial roommate during your first night. You thought you were going to faint when you saw a stranger leaning over your stack of practice books, and you thought you were going to be killed when he simply said, “I was also pre-med.”
“Sorry,” you meekly say. Why is the Mario Kart music so cheerful? It would be worse if it was sad, but the upbeat tune just makes your mistake more poignant. “I shouldn’t have—”
“Well, you’re not wrong,” he interjects. “Doesn’t matter. You better not pick Birdo this time.”
While you normally would have fought him six ways from Sunday for Birdo, you choose Yoshi instead and pick his favorite circuit to start off the night. He makes no comment about your sudden generosity, but you both know the reason. There’s no such thing as pity in this household, but apologies are aplenty.
Tumblr media
When you come back from your anatomy lab the following day, whatever guilt you felt is gone when Seungmin holds up your pack of cookies with a disapproving look. You must have forgotten to put it back in the cabinet before you left. Either that or Seungmin rummaged around your belongings when the roommate contract stated that he could not and would not.
“You seriously paid for these?” he says. 
“They’re good! And artisan,” you huff as you snatch the package from his hands. You hope you didn’t crush any cookies in the process. “I support small businesses.”
“They haven’t been a small business or artisan in, like, twenty years. How did the cat dissection go?” 
You reach for an overpriced cookie and snap off a piece with more force than necessary. “Fine. A little gross, but I guess I’m used to that by now. You wanna see the pictures I took?”
He tries to feign nonchalance, but his body seems more substantial, less ghost-like as you scroll through your camera roll. Even though he oohs and aahs at the most inappropriate images—you really don’t think the digestive structures of a cat deserve that much admiration—you can’t help but smile. He hasn’t looked or sounded this lively in weeks. You thought it might have been your snark rubbing off of him, but he always has a biting remark at the ready, remedied only with his good-natured demeanor. Of course, that demeanor has been slowly crumbling, so to see him be his usual self again feels good.
Satisfied, he lets you take your phone back. “Sometimes I miss lab. I hated doing the lab reports though; have fun with that.”
And just like that, your happiness goes out. “That’s tomorrow’s problem. I should study before work. You wanna help me out? I hate physics.”
Look, if your roommate were a pre-med student, had unlimited time, and no other obligations, you would force them to help you study, too. Plus, Seungmin loves MCAT practice, so it’s a win-win.
To your surprise, he doesn’t jump at the opportunity like he typically does. Under normal circumstances, he would be scouring the living room for where he last left his flashcards. Instead, he says, “Why don’t you take a break?”
“A break? You, of all people, suggest that I take a break when you were just telling me about my bad study habits? Who are you, and what have you done with Seungmin?”
He rolls his eyes. “I didn’t realize you wanted to do physics that badly.”
“I don’t. This is weird from you though.” However, after a moment of contemplation: “Whatever. Pick a show to watch. I’m gonna draw.”
He selects House because he’s still Seungmin after all. This is the show that inspired him to go into medicine, and is, as he’s mentioned many times before, “the greatest show on the planet.” It’s entertaining, you admit, and you do like seeing all of the obscure medical cases Dr. Gregory House solves, but it’s a grim reminder of your parents’ dreams for you. With the dialogue of the characters echoing in your head, you sketch a frog sitting on top of a stack of pancakes. You initially bought your tablet for note taking, but it really is much better as a tool for art. 
“It’s always animals, plants, or dessert now,” Seungmin remarks, craning his head to get a better view while you continually pull your screen away. “What happened to your big fantasy pieces?”
“Rule one: no looking until I say so. Rule two: no questions unless I say so. Remember?”
He ignores you. “You used to do a lot of those things when you first moved in. With the crazy landscapes, guys with abs in crop tops, cat-ear ladies with fancy dresses, villains who you definitely wanted to—”
“I get it!” Your face is blazing. He makes your artistic—purely artistic—interests sound so much worse than they are. “I’ve just been busy with life, so I don’t have time to work on them anymore. Anyway, animals, plants, and desserts are cute.” In a smaller voice, you add, “And they make me happy.”
Just like pictures of a flayed cat makes him happy.
He goes quiet and lets Dr. House fill the air. While he pretends to be engrossed in the show, you turn back to your sketch to fix your frog’s eyes to be less downcast. No sad frogs allowed.
Tumblr media
You don’t remember exactly when the dread began, but you do distinctly remember glancing over the syllabus for your genetics course and wanting to collapse. Each item was manageable by itself, but the totality of the class, of your future classes, of your future hurtled at you at full force. For so long, you convinced yourself you could do it. You would complain the whole time, but at the end, you would be addressed as ‘Doctor’ and you would be happy. Your parents would be happy, so you would be happy and realize that it was all worth it.
Even if you cried every night, it would be worth it. 
You took a deep breath, looked at the list of assigned textbooks, and pulled out your credit card. You went through more dire situations than this stupid course. This would be easy enough.
Tumblr media
Two weeks after the art fiasco, you finally test out your new vegetable peeler on potatoes. Your friend gave you five for free since she was having trouble finishing the large amount she bought. While you stand over the sink, humming a song your neighbor has been practicing for the past week, Seungmin is hunched over the coffee table, doing something secretive with flashcards. He’s been working on a new set of them since the art fiasco, which makes no sense since you have a perfect set of a thousand that you bought online. But no, he has been toiling day and night to create handmade ones. You don’t even want to know where he got the supplies.
Well, you already know where and how, but if your neighbors come knocking, you know nothing.
In fear that you’ll “ruin the surprise,” you have been forbidden from even stepping foot onto the living room carpet. Really, there’s no point because you can get a glimpse if you lean across the island. Nevertheless, you keep your eyes on the growing pile of potato skins. You have five potatoes worth of fries to make.
Ten minutes later, when you have moved onto slicing, Seungmin declares that he’s done. He places the baking sheet you left on the island onto a chair and triumphantly sets down his masterpiece.
When you pick up the topmost one, you can’t help but smile. Alongside the words “absolute threshold” is a cartoon rabbit with alert ears. Tiny music notes are dotted on the top edge of the card. 
“To make your studies less stressful,” he says. 
You don’t have the heart to tell him that you’re always some degree of stressed but nevertheless thank him. The flashcards are adorable, even if Seungmin’s drawing skills aren’t the best. “Newton’s first law” has an indistinguishable creature kicking a ball, and “law of independent assortment” features some of the strangest plants you have ever seen.
“I love them.”
“What do you think of my art skills? Better than you, right?”
You laugh and turn back to your cutting board. “You should’ve considered art school instead of med school. Professional artist Seungmin,” you muse. “I can see you in galleries and museums.”
“Don’t forget the history textbooks. Why didn’t you consider art school? You would be perfect for video games or something.”
For some time, you did consider art school. You spent the first two years of high school daydreaming about sitting behind an easel, translating a model’s likeness onto paper. Perennial paint splatters on your jeans, permanent charcoal stains on your fingers—that was the only way you wanted to study human anatomy. 
“My parents. You know how it is. Can you season the fries in the bowl?”
While Seungmin dumps copious amounts of salt, pepper, and whatever random spices he picked from the cabinet, you reflect on your teenage self. A part of you knew that drawing would only be a hobby, but another part kept hoping your parents would come around. When Hyunjin’s parents announced he was going to study chemistry, your mom wondered why he didn’t choose art when he was such a good artist. In fact, half the neighborhood, whose children went into STEM fields one way or another, were shocked he chose chemistry. Of course, if their own kids had opted for non-STEM majors, they would have been livid. Just like your parents had been.
“Did you ever think about not going into medicine?” you ask as you add more potato slices into the bowl.
He adds a swirl of oil to the mix. “No. It’s all I ever wanted to do. I volunteered at the hospital in high school, got an internship at a clinic here. I was studying for the MCAT and then…”
And then the university’s outdated housing killed him. It sounds horrific when phrased like that, but it’s more truthful than “Promising Young Pre-med Student Kim Seungmin Dead After Apartment Fire,” as the city newspaper headlined. His student ID photo smiled earnestly at readers, and a recent picture showed him posing in a lab coat.
It hits you then. Seungmin is dead. You knew this logically; you saw the articles, passed by the vigil, and signed the student letter demanding better accommodations. Then you forgot his existence until you applied to live in this building and when he appeared in your bedroom, you forgot about his death. Despite witnessing him walk through walls and tiptoeing around his deceased status, Seungmin has never really been dead to you. He’s your roommate who sleeps in the living room, your study partner who loves all things related to biology, or your friend. He’s too alive to be anything else.
“Did you preheat the oven?” he asks, breaking you out of your spiraling thoughts. Your body went on autopilot, and now the baking sheet is covered in pale potato sticks.
You glance at the dark oven and head over to do what you should’ve done twenty minutes ago. “My bad.”
“You’re the one eating these. Can you even finish all this?”
It’s far too much, but what else were you going to do with five potatoes on the verge of going bad? You suppose you could have not accepted them from your friend. “I can try?” you say, more to convince yourself than him. “I’m no coward.”
“Really? Then why do you hide when we watch horror movies?”
“That’s different. Mario Kart while we wait?”
“I call Birdo.”
Despite his declaration, you’re the one playing Birdo while he settles for Waluigi. Seungmin gloats when he hits you with a red shell, laughs when you fall off the track, and celebrates when he gets first place. He’s practically corporeal, alight with hopes and dreams you wish were your own, but he’s only the echo of the past. Meanwhile, blood flows through your veins and oxygen into your lungs, yet you’re stuck in a potential future you don’t even want.
Tumblr media
At the end of fall, between your human biology midterm and that stupid philosophy paper, you break. It’s during one of your MCAT practice exams, so you at least can cry at your desk. You can’t even cry without guilt; your mind immediately starts trying to reread the problem you’re stuck on through your tears, as if trigonometry will solve your crisis. 
It feels like an elephant is sitting on your chest. Every time you think you’ve calmed down enough to begin again, another wave of sobs overcomes you. Just holding your pencil makes your throat tighten.
“Are you okay?” Seungmin’s voice is slightly muffled by your bedroom door, but you doubt that a thin piece of wood concealed your cries.
You choke out, “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“... No.”
You swing open your door with sardonic fanfare, spreading your arms like a ringmaster. Seungmin makes no comment about your swollen eyes or your sniffles. You almost wish he had.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asks. He takes a tentative step into your room, and when you nod, he lets himself fully in. It’s been several months since he’s last been inside. Unmade bed, cluttered nightstand, paper-strewn desk—nothing much has changed. He sits on your chair, resting an arm on top of the throw blanket you’ve thrown over the back.
“I don’t know what there is to talk about,” you say after a moment of silence. “I hate class, I hate work, I hate my life. A breakdown has been long overdue.”
You stare at the floor, afraid to meet his gaze now that he’s seen you like this. Ever since you discovered Seungmin, you’ve crafted the perfect blasé attitude to accommodate your new living circumstances. He leaves you alone sometimes and stays cordoned off in the shared spaces to give you privacy, but you don’t break apart in your apartment for good reason. You’re open and raw like a bloody wound. Will he want to patch you up with bandaids, or will he pick and prod?
Pick and prod, you pray. Make some flippant remark about how easy you have it, how he wishes he could be in your position instead. Because if he does, then the situation must not be that bad.
Softly, Seungmin says, “What can I do to help?”
Your heart drops to your stomach. “I don’t know… I should probably get back to studying anyway.”
“Really? Are you serious?”
“What else am I supposed to do?” you snap. Seungmin at least has the decency to look sheepish. “The MCAT’s in July, and I don’t even understand half the things I’m supposed to know. I’m barely getting C’s in philosophy and art history because of it. That’s so humiliating.”
“Have you thought about, you know, not going to med school?”
A harsh laugh rips out of your throat. “Every single day. But it’s too late. I’ve already wasted four years, so what’s another four?” That doesn’t even include residency.
“You’d hate it.”
“Story of my life.”
The room goes quiet. Maybe you were too severe with your words, but how else do you explain it? 
“What if you became a medical illustrator?” he abruptly suggests. “You’d know exactly how to draw everything. It’s perfect for you. And it’s still STEM-related.”
It doesn’t matter if it’s in STEM. Your parents laid out your options very clearly: doctor or disappointment. Some career choices were less disappointing than others, but they would still be disappointments.
“I need to study,” you say.
He stands up from your rightful seat at your desk. Softly, so very softly, he says, “I’ll let you get back to it then.”
“Thank you.”
He shuts the door behind him and leaves you with your despair. True to your word, you return to your practice exam, this time without crying. Your mouth is dry the entire session, but you don’t dare drink any water in fear that rehydration will trigger your tears. It’s stupid but keeps you holding on. 
When you check your answers and review terminology, you refer to the set of flashcards Seungmin made for you. He didn’t expect you to use them, but his drawings have helped you better memorize the definitions. You shuffle through them, occasionally trying to figure out the relationship between whatever Seungmin drew and the word written. Other times—but not enough for your liking—you know exactly what they mean.
The rabbit from “absolute threshold” stares at you with lopsided eyes, and Mendel’s warped pea plants grow beneath your fingers. The whole world blurs.
Tumblr media
A month after move-in, after too many beers and barbeque chips, you asked Seungmin, “Why do you haunt only me? You can travel through the whole building, but you’re only ever here.”
He gestures at the room with a sweeping flourish. “This used to be my apartment. Sort of. They changed the floor plan, but this is the approximate location of where I lived, so when you moved in, it felt like fate.”
“Ah, a med school sufferer to keep you company.”
He laughs, but it sounds insincere. “How drunk are you right now?”
You glance at the row of empty cans you lined up on the counter. One, two, three, four, five. Five and a half, if you count the one in your hand. “Pretty drunk, I think.”
“So you won’t remember what I tell you, right?”
“Probably not,” you lie. “What is it?”
With a sad smile on his face, he says, “I haunt you because it’s like seeing someone live the life I could’ve had. Would’ve had.”
Tumblr media
Your outburst doesn’t go forgotten, but you and Seungmin dance around the topic with the grace of a seasoned ballerina. You show him your grocery hauls, he scolds you for buying expensive cookies. The two of you play Overcooked instead of Mario Kart and pretend that Overcooked will strengthen your friendship instead destroy it even further. Seungmin is really bad, embarrassingly so. 
“Are you going to the party this weekend?” he asks as he drops onions all over the floor. There’s no health department in the game.
“I would ask you to be more specific,” you say, “but we both know I’m not going to any parties. Go chop the onions.”
“You need friends.”
“I have friends. Who do you think keeps us giving us potatoes?”
He scoffs. “That’s not a friend. That’s an enemy. We need more dishes.”
While you wash a stack of dirty dishes, Seungmin dashes between prepping ingredients and watching the timer on the soups. As expected, he doesn’t take the pot off the stovetop quick enough, and soon enough the whole kitchen is in flames. You scream at him to get the fire extinguisher, he wades through the sea of onions, and the level ends with a single gold star.
You set your joycon down and lean your head back. “Three stars or nothing” is your motto when playing Overcooked, but perhaps you can make an exception for Seungmin.
“Why’d you ask me about a party?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. Seems like a college student thing to ask. And a college student thing to do. Go to parties, I mean.”
“Not for us.” You stretch your arms and legs out, knocking your socked feet against the coffee table. “When have you ever seen me willingly leave the apartment?”
“Never,” he admits, “but you should enjoy your youth.”
Whatever mutual agreement you thought you and Seungmin had does not exist. You have long known that you would have to sacrifice your twenties for your future. There would be good moments among your struggles, but so many of your memories would be of test prep and studying. As your parents so eloquently put it, “You can draw after you retire.” 
“That’s funny coming from you,” you say. You wave a hand in front of his face and observe the way his eyebrows scrunch together. “Are you really Seungmin?”
“Do you know any other ghosts?”
“Do you actually regret dedicating so much time to studying?”
“No. I mean, I went out when I could, but you…” He mindlessly thumbs the buttons of the controller as he tries to find his words. “Well, maybe I do a little bit, but it was fulfilling. Or was going to be anyway. You’re miserable. I’ve never seen you without dark circles or eye bags.”
How needlessly observant of him. “Thanks. It’s the quintessential college look.”
“Take care of yourself.” He raises his joycon and nods at the TV. “Let’s go again. Three stars only.”
And just like that, you and Seungmin go back to pretending as if everything is fine, like the last few minutes were idle chatter about the weather. You yell instructions at him, and he retorts back with something snarky; all is well.
Tumblr media
You suppose you should have realized why Seungmin asked you such out-of-character questions two weeks ago. Death anniversaries don’t typically go onto your calendar, but you could have made an exception for Seungmin. How did you forget? As you walk down the stairs, a wave of guilt washes over you.
The annual university-held vigil occurs on campus, but the apartment complex has their own small affair in the courtyard. Framed photos of the victims huddle together at the base of a half-wall. Already, there are several flowers and notes strewn about, and you add your own carnation to the pile. You have a note as well, and it burns your hand as you debate whether to leave it or not.
Twelve people died that night. “Only” twelve, as some papers reiterated. Twelve out of three hundred doesn’t seem too horrific given the state of the fire, but that’s still twelve people dead. Plenty more got injured trying to escape, and they aren’t honored at this memorial. The living don’t get commemorated—they live with the memories of the day, and that’s remembrance enough for the public.
“Hey.”
No one else is around, so you say, “Hey,” back to Seungmin. He disappeared for a few hours, and you assumed he would be gone until sunrise. In the days leading up to his death anniversary, he has grown increasingly depressed, looking vacantly out the window and mouthing words to himself. You idiotically thought he was just having one of those days.
“How are you holding up?” you ask.
“Fine, I guess. Good turn out this year,” he remarks as he kneels down to pick through the gifts. “The construction workers didn’t even show up to work because of superstition or something.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I know, it’s just…” You wave the folded notebook paper in your hand. Maybe you should’ve bought some stationery after all. “Read this later. I’ll see you whenever.”
You gently place it beside your carnation, return back to your apartment, and lock yourself inside your room. It’s too quiet, and you’re too restless. Your head tells you to do practice problems to burn off your energy, but all you’ve been doing as of late is listen to your head.
As you sketch an anatomical heart—underneath a completely necessary and painstakingly accurate rendering of a male torso—your bones say that this is right. 
Tumblr media
To Kim Seungmin, a star that went out too soon—
You deserved so much more than this. I don’t even know what else to say because nothing feels more appropriate. 
I’m living in your old apartment—where it used to be, at least—and I can’t help but feel that I’m living the life you should have had. Sometimes I can feel your presence when I’m studying. I can hear you reciting definitions and shuffling flashcards. When I’m really losing my mind, I can see you sitting on the couch watching House episodes with me. It’s comforting and terrifying.
You already know this, but I don’t want to go to med school. I hate it and I hate being a disappointment to my parents, but I hate being a disappointment to you the most. You should be in my place, so I thought I should try and complete your dream for you at the very least. I’m already miserable, so I should make the most of it. For a while, I thought this would make you happy, but it’s been making you sad and worried recently. I thought if I could make you happy, then it would be worth it, but I’m realizing it’s not, but I’m too scared to leave this path. Sometimes I don’t know who I am without med school looming over me, and it 
I wish we would’ve met earlier. You’re an amazing person, full of light and kindness. The world is darker without you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done and for everything that I didn’t do because you deserve so much better than whatever you’ve been given.
Tumblr media
“Do you want to talk?”
Seungmin’s upside down face appears between you and the iPad you have been holding up with both arms. Philosophy review is simultaneously boring and maddening, but you have a final to be studying for. You should’ve started much earlier, but twenty-four hours of cramming has not failed you when it comes to general education elective courses yet.
“Not really,” you say as you push his face out of view. He’s corporeal at the moment, so your hand meets resistance rather than going right through. “I’m busy.”
“Did you apply for a ‘biomedical visualization’ program? That’s a medical illustrator thing, right?”
You don’t need to look at him to know he’s thrilled. Since the memorial, you began looking into medical illustrators as a backup plan. You only meant to learn about the basic requirements, but curiosity got the better of you, and you attended an online informational session. Seungmin overheard bits and pieces because of how thin the walls are, you got cagey when he asked, and he put his endless hours of free time into detective work. 
“I didn’t apply. I’m just looking around. Now go away.”
“The living room is a communal space. So you’re considering it then?”
You don’t respond and bring your iPad closer to your eyes. To read the tiny notes on the margins of your classmate’s notes, of course.
Seungmin cackles and claps his hands. “You are! This is good! Why are you so morose?”
“Because you interrupted my studying? I have less than ten hours to cover three months of content.”
“You’re deflecting. Are you worried about your parents?”
“Morose and deflecting,” you murmur. “Two gold stars for your vocabulary usage.”
“Are you?”
You shut your eyes, envisioning the stern faces of your parents when you announce over dinner your plans to spend your life not being a doctor. Their expressions morph from confusion to anger to grim when they realize how serious you are. 
Are you serious about this? You’re not even sure yourself. It feels like you’re in high school again, holding onto a shred of hope for a future you aren’t allowed to have.
“What if I lie to them?” you say. “I tell them I got into a school that’s super far away, go there, and return when I’ve firmly established myself as an illustrator or whatever I end up doing. It’ll be too late for them to do anything.”
“That’s one way to do it. But wouldn’t it be better if you were upfront?”
You groan and turn back to your classmate’s notes. What is it like, you wonder, to not be crushed by the weight of approval? What is it like to know you won’t be scorned for your choices? No matter what you do, someone—your parents or Seungmin—will be upset.
Tumblr media
“Upset” is a very mild way to describe your parents’ reactions. After six cans of celebratory beer—you passed all of your classes this semester!—you called your parents to tell them good news. Somewhere between the silent congratulations and questions of your home arrival, you blurted out, “I think I’m gonna do biomedical visualization. Medical illustration. Art. It’s still medical-related, but not a doctor.”
And after a lengthy discussion filled with shouting, you’re not allowed to come home this year or ever again. CALL ENDED flashes on your screen, but you grip your phone so tightly you can feel your heartbeat in your fingertips. Your whole body is tense, flushed with indignation and shame. No tears come. You expected something like this but nothing to this extreme. Their words echo in your ears.
Ungrateful. Selfish. Disgrace. 
Logically, you know you’re none of those things, but you can’t help but feel they’re at least a little bit right. You sink into your desk chair and wait for the inevitable knock on your door. To step out of your own accord would be mortifying. 
“Are you okay?” asks Seungmin.
“I’ve been disowned in every way except legally,” you answer as you let him inside your room. “What do you think?”
“Sorry.”
“No, it’s…”
It’s not fine, but your mouth started saying so by default. You perch on the edge of your bed and stare at the stack of practice books that have been untouched for two days on your dresser. They would belong better under your bed where they’ll be out of sight.
Suddenly insecure, you ask, “You’re not gonna leave me, right? You’ll still help me peel potatoes and let me know when my artisan cookies are on sale?”
He chuckles. “The only way you can get away from me is by moving or by graduating. I’ll be here. Instead of nagging you to study, I’ll critique your anatomy.”
“That’s against the rules.” Nevertheless, you smile at the thought of Seungmin hyperfixed at your artistic renderings and comparing them against pictures from a textbook. “Thanks.”
Seungmin smiles back, and he radiates so much warmth that you forget it’s winter.
Tumblr media
EPILOGUE
“Honey, I’m home,” you call. 
You nearly trip over the door sill in your heels but catch yourself in time. Wearing heels to commencement is a bad idea for more reasons than one. Clutching your friend’s graduation bouquet, you flip on the light switch with the back of your hand and glance over your apartment. Other than the dozens of boxes scattered across the living room and kitchen, nothing else belongs to you; goodbye coffee table you stubbed your toes against too many times; goodbye peeling school-issued couch. You half-expected to see Seungmin lying on it, staring at the ceiling like he used to. 
“Seungmin, where are you?” When he doesn’t answer, you try again. “Anyone home?”
You wander around the small apartment, checking behind doors and furniture like you’re playing hide-and-seek. He’s nowhere to be found, and you go through the apartment again in a frenzy. He could be in a different part of the building, but he always knows when you’re looking for him.
“Where are you? Seungmin, this isn’t funny! I know you can hear me.”
It takes twenty minutes, but you eventually realize he’s gone for good. No goodbyes, no hugs, no teasing—he just waved you off to your ceremony and shut the front door. You knew he wouldn’t be able to help you move out, but you thought he would still be here when you returned. He researched additional art classes for you, suggested works for your portfolio, and consoled you whenever you were overwhelmed. It’s a knife to your heart that he’s not here.
In between tears that you don’t allow to fall from your eyes, you carry your boxes of belongings to your car. You have a new place to call home, but two perfectly nice housemates and a dog aren’t good replacements for a ghost who annoyed you from sunrise to sundown.
Tumblr media
I hope you find this note eventually. I know we have the rule where I’m not supposed to go through your belongings, but since we’re not going to be roommates any longer, I hope you’re not too mad. Completely unrelated but you’re really good at Mario Kart. So good. Birdo was designed specifically for you.
Congratulations on graduating. You’ve worked hard this year. Could have worked harder sometimes but you did it! Relax a bit during your gap year and enjoy your youth. Those art classes will be easy for you. Biomed visualization will be easy after pre-med studies.
Stop rolling your eyes and sighing. You know I’m right.
I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. I know you wanted it, but I don’t think I could have handled it. The truth is that I was ready to go a couple months ago when you started compiling your portfolio. For two years, I didn’t know why I was still here. At first, I thought my unfinished business was about the circumstances of my death. (Stop wincing. I’m dead. It’s a fact.) Then the administration stepped up. They did the bare minimum, to be honest, but at least changes were made. When you turned up, I thought I was supposed to fulfill my dream of going to med school. Turns out, I still have no idea what exactly why I was here, but seeing you live the life you want and choose the future you want makes me feel like business is finished.
To L/N Y/N, a star that will keep shining for decades to come—
I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve done so far. There are so many opportunities waiting out there for you, so don’t be afraid to take any chances. I’ll be with you always.
318 notes · View notes
mymoodwriting · 16 days
Text
Tumblr media
Request for Anon (yandere ABO!SKZ) 4.1k, yandere, ABO dynamics, manipulation, house arrest, nightmares, hallucinations, kidnapping, restraints, aggressive behavior, memory loss, hints of stalking (@starillusion13)
“Can I go out with you guys today?”
“You already know the answer to that.”
You were washing the dishes after breakfast, staring out at the yard through the window by the sink. Minho came up from behind, wrapping his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder and taking in a soft breath of your scent.
“My little omega stays indoors where she’s safe.”
“But-”
“Your alpha knows best.” Minho said with a low growl. “Remember.”
“Yes.”
“Hm? Yes what?”
“Yes, alpha, you know best.”
“Good omega. Have you taken your meds yet?”
“No. I was going to after I finished doing the dishes.”
“Then let me help.”
Minho pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek before stepping over to the medicine cabinet. He grabbed your pill bottle and got a glass of water as well. He came back over behind you, lifting up two pills to your mouth.
“Open.”
You took the pills into your mouth, drinking some water when Minho held the glass to your lips and tilted it up. Afterwards you playfully gagged, getting another kiss on your cheek.
“Good girl.”
“Why can’t I go out again?”
“We’ve talked about this, baby, it’s dangerous out there.”
“But if I go with you guys, then you can protect me.”
“We only go out when we need to, and to get important things. We’re not out there having fun without you, love. I promise.”
“Still, you guys don’t even let me in the yard. Isn’t that unfair?”
“It’s for your safety. I can’t imagine what I’d do if something happened to you.”
“Nothing’s going to happen to me, that’s why-”
“This topic is not for discussion.”
You whimpered when you heard Chan’s voice, glancing over to see him a few feet away from you and Minho, arms crossed over his chest. He had a stern look on his face, but upon seeing you with your head down he softened up.
“We’re just keeping you safe.” Chan explained. “You’re an omega, our omega, and it’s in our nature to protect you.”
“I know…”
“It’s too early to be butting heads, so why don’t we talk about this later.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’ll help you with the dishes.”
Chan shooed Minho away, standing by your side and helping you out, taking your mind off the previous conversation. For as long as you could remember this had been your pack. Of course you weren’t born into it, but were brought in. Chan built his own pack, and you were their prized omega. You were certainly loved by all of them. At first you had no issue with staying in the house, it was a two story building with a basement, and there were plenty of things to do. There was always someone to keep you company, but as of late you’ve had a yearning to go outside. Yet their rules stated you wouldn’t even go out into the yard.
It was kind of ridiculous, but time and time again they’d tell you this was all to keep you safe. The scent of an omega could drive a wolf insane, and the last thing they wanted was to put you in danger. They never let another wolf near the house, let alone you, so going outside and letting the wind carry your scent was definitely not something they were gonna let happen. You understood their intentions, but you had to admit it was kind of suffocating. You wanted to feel a cool breeze against your skin, and the warmth of the sun wrapping you in a blanket. There was a lot you missed, but you didn’t want to upset your pack.
You had your own room in the house, but you always slept with someone else. They didn’t like the idea of leaving you alone at night, or at all really. Even when they went out at least one would stay behind, but there were always exceptions. One morning after breakfast Chan told you that they would be going out, all of them, which meant you had to be alone for a few hours. You tried to tag along but they all shot down your idea. Being alone for a while would probably do you some good too, finally able to have some long overdue peace and quiet. You saw them off, wishing them well on whatever it was they were off to do, and telling them to hurry back.
Your original plan was to sleep, but as you looked around the house you saw that there was much to do. So instead you began cleaning, wanting to get chores out of the way and get ahead of somethings too. Come noon you were still alone, so you just fixed yourself up something simple. It seemed like they wouldn’t be back until later, which gave you plenty of time to make dinner. You hadn’t made them a special dinner in a long time, so now was your chance. You gathered up all your ingredients and got to work, which helped the time pass. Once you had everything on the stove you found yourself washing whatever dishes needed to be cleaned. Once again you found yourself staring out at the yard.
It was just you in the house, so maybe you could bend the rules a little bit. You made sure everything on the stove was cooking and then decided to open the back door. You were immediately hit with a gust of wind, bringing a smile to your face. You stepped out onto the porch and sat down, taking in a deep breath. It was nice to be outside, even if you couldn’t step out further and touch the grass. You would have loved to have a garden where you could grow vegetables and care for some flowers. You had presented the idea a few times, but of course it was denied every time. You were supposed to stay indoors where it was safe.
While outside you made sure to keep your ears listening to the stove, but you also wanted to hear the animals roaming around. You had your eyes shut so you could take in your surroundings with your other senses. Because of that the sound of running footsteps didn’t alert you. In fact it was kind of nice. You could hear as the creature ran through the woods, paws digging into the dirt, the rustling of the surrounding flora as it passed by. It wasn’t until your ears caught a growl, one you recognized, that you opened your eyes.
You saw a giant wolf charging right at you. Immediately you crawled back, making it into the house. Your heart was racing from fear, and before you could think to get up and shut the door the wolf lunged at you, pinning you down. It growled in your face, and you couldn’t help the whimper that escaped your lips. You shut your eyes tightly, knowing better than to try and fight this. The growling was making you tremble and you didn’t even notice when the other had shifted, that is until a hand grabbed your face and forced you to look straight ahead. You didn’t need to be told to open your eyes, finding Hyunjin on top of you, eyes glowing a fierce red.
“What the hell were you doing!?”
“Nu… nothing… I swear…”
“Is there someone here with you!?”
“No! No one-”
“I’m not so sure I believe you.” 
The rest of the boys came into the house, minus Chan and Minho, seeing that Hyunjin had you pinned. Before they could ask what was going on Hyunjin was barking orders to check the house for any possible intruders. They didn’t question it and began looking around the house.
“Hyunjin… there’s no one else… I swear…”
“You’re an omega, any alpha with enough power can make you do whatever they want.”
“I…”
“There’s no one here.” Felix reported. “Just our scents.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
“What the hell are you doing, Hyunjin!?”
Chan and Minho caught up with the others, walking in on a strange scene. Chan immediately yelled at Hyunjin, getting him off of you. For a moment you thought you had been saved, but then Hyunjin opened his mouth.
“She was outside!”
“What?” Chan growled, looking down at you. “Is this true?”
“I… I was just on the porch!” You explained. “I wasn’t really-”
“What have we said about going outside!”
“It was the porch! And only for a bit.”
“What if someone saw you?”
“I was paying attention to my surroundings and-”
“You didn’t see me coming.” Hyunjin remarked. “Not until it was too late.”
“Cause deep down I knew it was you, so I-”
“Enough.” Chan cut in. “You should know better than to talk back to your pack.”
“I… I’m sorry.”
You had stayed on the floor throughout the conversation, and while the yelling continued you pulled your legs up to your chest, trying to make yourself as small as possible. You were scared and visibly shaking. Chan sighed and knelt down before you, gently reaching over to pet your head and get you to look up at him. His eyes no longer had the anger that his voice carried, but instead were calm and reassuring.
“Y/n, you know how much we worry about you.”
“I know…”
“There’s a reason we don’t want you stepping outside, not even an inch. Don’t you trust us?”
“I do…”
“I’m sorry we raised our voice, we didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know…”
“Good. Now, I see you were making dinner. We’ll finish up here, so why don’t you go with Felix and Jisung to take a nice bath. Okay?”
“Okay…”
“Good girl.”
Chan helped you up to your feet, gently pushing you towards Felix and Jisung. They each took your hand and led you upstairs. You were still a bit shaken up, but the two were already assuring you that everything was alright now. Jisung stayed with you as Felix ran the bath and made sure the water was warm. You undressed first, getting into the bath and the two others soon followed. You rested between Felix’s legs, his arms wrapped around you.
“Sorry about earlier.” Jisung mentioned. “Hyunjin was eager to get home and ran off first. He went overboard with how he reacted.”
“Hm.”
“You know we just want you safe. Which is why it’s important to stay inside.”
“But I miss the outside…”
“You have everything you could need inside and with us.”
“I don’t have grass, or dirt, or flowers, or-”
“We got your point.” Felix interrupted. “We’ll talk to Chan and see what he says.”
“You guys always say that…”
“Y/n, you’re making my heart hurt talking like this. Let’s talk about something else. What were you making for dinner?”
“I… I was making your favorite.”
“Oh, can’t wait to eat. You always make the best stuff.”
“Thanks.”
Even if the topic was off the table, it still lingered in your mind. You knew they just wanted what was best for you, but you never really had a chance to talk about these things with them. You let it go for now, smiling through dinner. Come bed time you went off with Seungmin, getting goodnight kisses and a few more apologies, especially from Hyunjin. You didn’t say much else on the matter and went to bed, curled up in Seungmin’s arms. For the most part you always slept well, but this time was different.
You dreamt of the outside, being among the trees and walking around the woods. It felt nice to take in the fresh air, looking up at the blue and seeing the clouds. You knew this was a dream, but you didn’t want to wake up. You were merely enjoying nature when you heard some footsteps. You called out to whoever was there, but no one answered. All of a sudden the sky was filled with storm clouds and it began to rain. You didn’t know which way was home, but you began to hear multiple footsteps around you. It was making your heart race, and then you began to run. You had no idea where you were going, but you knew you had to get away.
The footsteps followed behind you, and between the rain and splashing in the mud you had no idea how many there were. It was hard to see as the rain got thicker, and you could barely make out your surroundings. In your fear you wound up stumbling in your steps and collapsing to the ground. A loud roar filled your ears and you found it impossible to move. You were frozen in place by some external force, and all you could do was shiver in fear. You suddenly felt someone grab you and flip you around. All you saw were red glowing eyes, multiple pairs. In that moment all you could do was scream, but you didn’t just cry for help, instead calling out to someone to save you.
“Jongho!”
🖤
You jumped awake, breathing heavily and trying to steady your senses. You grabbed your head, feeling your hair stuck to you from all the sweat. You were about to get up when you felt a hand grab your arm. You screamed but when you saw Seungmin’s concerned eyes you apologized.
“… sorry…”
“Are you okay?”
“I… I think so…”
“Did you have a bad dream?”
“Yeah… I don’t-”
“Who’s Jongho?”
“Huh?”
“Jongho. You screamed his name just now.”
“I… I don’t know…”
“Why did you scream for him?”
“I don’t… I don’t remember…”
“You should have screamed for me if you were having a bad dream.”
Seungmin yanked you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you tightly. You had your face buried in his chest, your nose being filled with his scent. It was soothing, giving you a sense of warmth you couldn’t quite explain.
“You don’t need anyone else. I’m here for you, okay?”
“Hm…”
“Let’s go back to sleep, and no more bad dreams.”
You managed to fall back asleep while curled up in Seungmin’s embrace, sleeping peacefully through the rest of the night. You didn’t wake till morning, Seungmin right there with you watching you with a soft smile on his face. Once he knew you were awake he began petting your head, telling you how lovely you looked with the morning light on your face. The nightmare you had earlier was already faded in your memory, and you happily got up with Seungmin and joined the others downstairs for breakfast.
It seemed that your life went back to normal, except something had changed. You found yourself staring out the window more often now, and this longing to go outside only grew stronger. This house was no longer feeling like a home, but a cage. You hate that sensation, knowing very well you were loved, but it was getting harder to deny the truth. You weren’t supposed to set so much as a foot outside the door. Even when they were all around you couldn’t step outside. You always had to remain in doors, and that reality was starting to become unbearable. You didn’t even bring it up, knowing how the conversation would end.
Eventually your own frustrations culminated, and you had trouble sleeping. You’d toss about for a bit before managing to fall asleep, but on this night it seemed impossible. Thankfully you hadn’t woken up Jeongin with your restlessness, and so you decided to sneak out of the room. Maybe a little walk around the house and some water would help. You quietly made your way down to the kitchen, getting a glass of water and standing by the window. The moonlight illuminated the night, providing you with a beautiful view. You could only imagine what it would be like to bask in such beauty. Then it dawned on you that it was a possibility.
You looked around the house from where you stood, listening carefully. Eight heartbeats could be heard, all beating with a soothing rhythm, meaning everyone else in the house was asleep. It was risky, but it was a chance you were willing to take. You carefully walked over to the backdoor, slowly turning the knob and pulling the door open. You only opened it enough for you to squeeze through and step outside, quietly closing the door behind you. Once it was shut you let out the breath you were holding. You slowly stepped off the porch and out into the yard, looking up at the night sky filled with stars. It was so beautiful. A gentle breeze passed through and you took in a deep breath. There was something so nice about the fresh air.
You walked towards the trees, wanting to stretch your legs a bit and telling yourself that you’d be back before anyone knew you were gone. It felt incredibly freeing to be outside, and you knew this was what you needed more than anything. While walking about, keeping the house in sight you suddenly heard a crack of thunder. You crouched down from fright and looked up to the sky. There were no storm clouds, and the night air was still cool, no sign of rain in sight. You might have just been hearing things, but it sounded so vivid. You were completely alone, taking in a breath and continuing your walk. As you did so you suddenly heard a roar of thunder. It didn’t scare you this time, but then you felt rain coming down on you.
You glanced up at the sky again, met with nothing but stars, yet you felt the rain on your skin, heard it as it hit the flora around you. As you looked around your vision was blurred as if it was raining, yet you were completely dry. You heard footsteps out in the woods with you, but it was away from the house. Curiosity got the better of you and you walked towards the sound, ignoring the chills you were starting to get from the phantom rain. The footsteps began to get louder, and you heard a few more approaching. That’s when you began to hear voices, and even if you couldn’t make them out well, they were familiar to you. It was your pack after all.
“What are you doing out here, pretty thing?”
“I… I was just collecting some herbs for my pack…”
“You shouldn’t be out in the rain.”
“I’ll be heading to my pack now.”
“We could be your pack.”
“Uh… I have one… we-”
“You’re the only omega there, do they treat you well?”
“How… how do you…”
“You’re really pretty, you know.”
“Thanks… I really need to get back to my pack.”
You stopped when you came across a peculiar scene. You saw yourself standing under the shade of a tree, trying to shield yourself from the rain. Chan, Jeongin, Felix and Minho were there with you, slowly surrounding you. The sounds of more footsteps approaching caught your attention and you saw the others approaching. You had no idea what was going on, but this was all so vivid to be some kind of dream.
“You should get cleaned up first, our place isn’t far.”
“It’s okay…. I don’t mind the rain…”
“We don’t mind either.”
“I have someone waiting for me… they shouldn’t be that-”
“They can’t smell you in the rain, and I doubt they can hear you either.”
“I… I…”
“Why don’t you come with us, omega.”
You saw yourself immediately bolt into the woods, screaming for someone. It was the name Seungmin had mentioned before, one that felt familiar too, but there was more.
“Jongho! Yunho!”
Without realizing you had been following yourself, and saw how the other boys chased after you. One moment they were in their human form, the next you had eight wolves after you. In the blink of an eye you were running, your heart racing. You were no longer a spectator, but the one running in fear. So many memories began to flood your mind. Like you had said before, you came out with some of your pack mates to gather herbs when the storm clouds suddenly appeared. You thought it’d be a light rain, but it was clear now that the storm would last a while.
You wanted to return to your pack when you were suddenly approached by strangers. Because of the rain you were unsure if they were humans or werewolves at first, but once they began to speak you knew it was trouble. It was always a struggle to convince your pack to let you go out since you were an omega, their only omega. Then the present dawned on you. Chan and the others, they weren’t your real pack. You knew that of course, but this was something else entirely. You didn’t choose them as your home, they had taken you from it. As you realized that horrid truth you were tackled to the ground. You tried to get back on your feet, but instead you wound up on your back with a wolf pinning you down. Red eyes glaring at you.
“You shouldn’t run from your alpha.”
“You’re not my alpha!”
“We will be.”
You tried once again to break free, only to feel someone grab your leg. The wolf got off you, but you began to be dragged away. You screamed and kicked, but that did nothing to help your situation. Once again you called out for your pack mates, but you couldn’t be certain that they could hear you. The rain was mixing with your tears, and all you could really see was red. That was always one of the most terrifying aspects about yourself. As an omega you’d always find yourself submitting to an alpha, and you had no idea how many of them were here.
“Y/n!”
The sound of your name snapped you out of your daze. You were lying on the ground, alone and dry, seeing that it was still night. Your head was still foggy from all the mixing memories, but one thing was clear, you had to run. You quickly got up and began to run, not knowing where you were going, but needing to get away. The sounds of others chasing after you only pushed you to run faster. Although the unfortunate reality was that they had you outnumbered, and you weren’t even in your right mind. Too many things were swirling around in your head that you weren’t paying enough attention to where you were going. You tripped over an exposed tree root and tumbled to the ground. Before you could get your feet under you a foot was on your back pinning you down.
“What have we said about going out!” Changbin growled. “You’re in a world of trouble!”
“Let me go!” You cried. “Just let me go, please!”
“You must have had another bad dream.” Jeongin crouched down next to you. “It’s okay, we’re here now.”
“No, no you’re not my pack! You’re liars!”
“This is why we don’t let you outside.” Chan mentioned. “You get all kinds of funny ideas in your head.”
“I remember that night! You had been watching, and waiting… waiting for a storm and… and-”
“Enough.” Minho barked. “We’re going back home, now!”
You continued to cry and scream as you were dragged back, trying to hold onto anything you could, but they were far too strong. When you were back in the house you felt your heart sink, starting to realize why they kept you locked up. Even when they were gone, their scents filled this house, kept you docile and under control. Now you were back in your cage. Although this time around you went somewhere else. You were taken down to the basement, a place you hadn’t been to before. They put you in a room, chaining your leg to the wall.
“No, no, no, no, what is this? Please-”
“Quiet!” Chan roared, causing a whimper to escape your lips. “Let’s just all calm down.”
You crawled back until you hit the wall, pulling your knees up to your chest. You were shivering and trying to make yourself as small as possible. Chan slowly approached you, reaching over and wiping away your tears, ignoring how you flinched from his touch.
“I’m sorry, baby. You had us all worried when we couldn’t find you.”
“… please…”
“I know you must be confused, but we love you. We’re your pack, and we’re just trying to keep you safe.”
“… why… why… you’re not my pack…”
“Sh, sh, sh, we are. We’re your home, and we’ll help you learn that again.”
“Again?”
“You’re our precious omega, we won’t lose you.”
“…”
“Just take a deep breath, and listen to your alpha, okay?”
“I-”
“Listen to your alpha.”
“… okay…”
“Good. Now let’s refresh your memory.”
84 notes · View notes
sevcasejay1chicago · 6 months
Text
The War Within- Jay Halstead, Kelly Severide, and Matt Casey
Summary: You have epilepsy and the stress from the week causes an episode.
Warnings: POSSIBLE SPOILERS, epilepsy, vomiting
��———————
One of the first things that you discussed with the guys when you began dating a year ago was that you have epilepsy. You, Matt Casey, Kelly Severide, and Jay Halstead had been friends for years before dating, but you had managed to keep away from any and all situations that caused your symptoms to flare. It was easier to make those excuses with all of your friends around, but some situations were harder to avoid, without causing suspicion, while dating. Of course, the boys understood and all kept an eye on you. Throughout the beginning of your relationship, you had two longer episodes, but both were mild and did not require medical attention. Luckily, since they were mild and all three of your boys were there, you were able to get comfortable at home with your guys surrounding you and keeping watch for the rest of the night. After many small scares and many nights spent together just to be in each other’s company, mostly to keep the boys from stressing out over you, you all moved in together 2 months ago.
You had been extremely stressed out this past week. As a nurse in the Chicago Med ED, you are pretty use to emergency situation and work related stress, but this week of unusual flesh eating bacteria had you in a bundle of nerves. You knew that a seizure would come eventually, and have been pleasantly surprised by the fact that one hadn’t happened yet, but you tried not to focus on the what ifs while you and the boys had your date night.
Because of the week everyone had and to make sure you were in a comfortable environment incase something did happen, you all opted on a game night. So, you sat on one couch with Jay at your side, while Matt and Kelly took their spots on the opposite couch. You tried to fight Jay when he talked about arranging your couches to face each other with the coffee table in the middle and the tv on the wall over the fireplace, which was at the end of each couch, but it was best for nights like these or just cuddling with two on each couch while watching tv.
The first thing you noticed was that your heart was fluttering. You figured it was the excitement of [your favorite game], so you just brushed it off. However, you couldn’t ignore your symptoms anymore when Jay wrapped an arm around you, commenting on how you were sweating and shaking. You took hold of Jay’s thigh, attempting to ground yourself as you gave in to how anxious you felt now that their full attention was turned to you.
“P-please. I-I can’t.” You whimpered out, anxiety creeping into your voice as your body took over and you were seconds away from losing full control.
Matt pushed the table out of the way as Kelly helped Jay lower you to the floor and push the couch back. Matt raced into the kitchen for a bucket, your rescue inhaler, your rescue nasal spray and some water, knowing that you often get sick after bad seizures, and this one was already progressing more quickly than usual. Thinking on his feet, Matt quickly grabbed a fresh hand towel before sprinting back into the living room.
Kelly was laid out a little ways away, keeping eye contact as your body started to shake, but you were still somewhat coherent. He was whispering words of comfort as Jay kept his hands lightly on the shoulder and hip that was off the floor, keeping you on your side. Matt placed all the items he brought onto the floor a few feet away from your head as he sat and waiting for your full on seizure.
“Baby. I know your scared, but you gotta let go.” Jay murmured, brushing a few flyaways back from your face. “Your just hurting yourself more. We are ready. We have you. Just let it happen.” Jay soothed, anchoring you onto your side again.
You whimpered, tears sliding down your face. Almost as quickly as the sound came out, you zoned out, and then let your eyes flutter closed.
“She’s out.” Kelly informed your other lovers, moving toward your feet to get out of the way.
“Here it comes.” Jay muttered, feeling you lock up under his hands.
Then the full seizure started. You jerked around, head flinging back as your arms locked into your chest and legs kicked out. Kelly and Matt moved the furniture further away as Jay kept you on your side as best he could without hurting you. All the boys kept saying encouraging words, knowing you might not hear them, but they felt this was all they could do in their own helpless state.
Matt had thought to turn on his stop watch when the seizure started and looked down after a while. “Shit. It’s been 3 minutes. Help me get the spray in her nose.” Matt said to Kelly.
Kelly nodded, carefully walking around you to gently steady your head. Matt leaned over you from behind and sprayed the rescue medicine into your nostrils. Within thirty seconds, your movements slowed and you went completely still under Jay’s hands. All three boys breathed a sigh of relief, glad that you seemed to be coming out of it.
When you started flexing your hands, Kelly reached over and took one of your hands in his. “Hey baby. Take it slow. You just had a seizure.” Jay said, speaking slowly as you often had trouble concentrating immediately following a seizure.
You hummed, leaning back into Jay’s knees, head falling into Matt’s lap. Slowly, you brought your free hand up to your mouth, wiping away the saliva that had dribbled out while Matt wiped your tears.
“How yah feelin?” Kelly murmured, leaning down to kiss your forehead after wiping your brow with the hand towel Matt brought.
“Tired.” You slurred, slowly sliding a hand down to your stomach. “Kinna sick.” Your eyes welling with tears. As if having a seizure wasn’t bad enough, you also had to have an extreme fear of vomiting.
They all nodded and Matt silently moved the bucket closer. They carefully watched every move you made. Every now and then, you would twitch a little or whine as your stomach churned. Some color some coming back to your face, even as you fought the nausea down. They knew you were uncomfortable and probably wanted a shower, given that you had an accident during your seizure.
“Hey babe. Ready to sit up and try some of your water?” Kelly asked, running a hand over your head to push back some flyaways.
You nodded, letting the boys slowly help you into a sitting position. Jay had you between his legs, back propped up against his chest to support you and help you calm down more. You flushed as you eyed the small wet mark on the carpet before quickly paling. Luckily, Matt was still keeping a close eye on you and shoved the bucket under your chin before you could process what was even happening.
You cried out at the end of the first dry heave, immediately panicking. Jay made sure that he had you stabilized as Matt stabilized the bucket and Kelly took your hand, rubbing your shoulder with the other.
“Shhhh. Just breathe. It’ll be over soon.” Matt cooed, lowering his voice to a soothing baritone that he knows helps calm you.
“Just let it happen and try to relax. It’s okay sweet girl.” Jay mumbled, kissing the back of your neck.
You only threw up a little bit, having been scared of this exact situation and barely eating all day. The dry heaves stuck around for a few minutes before you were left gasping for air. Audible wheezes were the only thing that could be heard as the boys tried to let you calm down. Kelly, without saying a word, gently shook your inhaler as Jay grabbed the water from the coffee table a few feet to his right.
“Here sweetheart. Shhhhh. Just try to breathe for me. You need to wash your mouth out so that Kel can give you your inhaler.” Jay soothes, lightly pushing the cup to your bottom lip to prompt you to open. You did, quickly swishing your mouth out and spitting in the bucket.
Matt left, taking the bucket to empty out and to start a bath for you. Jay settled you into his chest again, slightly swaying to try and calm you. Kelly prepped your inhaler and the chamber attachment before holding it to your lips. He counted down and then counted your breaths as you inhaled the medication through the chamber, allowing the inhaler to open your lungs again. Once you were done, Kelly put tue medication aside and stood, taking you in his arms and carrying you to the bathroom with Jay on his heels.
If you’d like to be added to my tag list, please comment below! Thank you! ❤️
Tag list:
@treehouse-mouse
@shadowmeadowsworld
@sorry-i-spaced
@zephyrmonkey
@allisonargent144
@amie134
@lane-rodgers-barnes
@pensfan5871
215 notes · View notes