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#either way ive been in a weird state of disassociative depression for a couple months now
jvzebel-x
·
9 months
Text
🦋
#ive been in kind of a depressive low point for. a sec now lmao.
#it swung down after the months of Bad Mania in response to the meds balancing out i think idk.
#either way ive been in a weird state of disassociative depression for a couple months now
#but i can feel it swinging back as the month goes on&we get closer&closer to autumn lmao.
#right about now for a couple different reasons is when my Internal Balance starts to shift yearly in response to the anxiety
#that i wasted all the sunshine. 🫠🫠🫠
#idk. its putting me in that weird spot where my depressive episode isn't exactly Over yet
#but i can already feel that buzzing in my bones going on lmao.
#its also bringing up weird thoughts i guess as my brain scrambles for actual reasons to be so anxious
#&just like when i wake up in pain that always bleeds over into reasons to be Angry not Anxious bc Angry is easier lmao.
#like hypocrisy has been a topic of discussion in my life recently bc of everything back home&if i let my head spiral for too long
#ill end up back at the point where my shithead ex told me for 3yrs that i was a hypocrite w double standards
#w his primary example being that he Let Me talk to other guys but i didnt Let Him talk to other women
#w the one sole example being how after i moved my entire life across an ocean to an entirely foreign place where i had no support but him
#i was made extremely uncomfortable when i found out he'd been talking to his ex during the entire process.
#so my attitude toward that translated into i guess a weird boundary that i never actually set bc he enjoyed to call me a hypocrite lmao.
#its just weird having my thoughts slide from discussions about hypocritical actions involving Lahaina&its handling by the fake state
#over to old thoughts about how i just let someone call me a hypocrite to my face for years bc he wanted to w no actual reason lmao.
#&this sort of All Over The Board weirdness is really only something that happens in these strange Inbetween times for me.
#... pls for the love of everything holy let this fucking be over soon lmao i solve these problems Poorly bc these time periods
#wreck my impulse control lmao.
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