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mycrofts-gunbrella · 3 years

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Caring is the Greatest Advantage- Part 3 (Mycroft Holmes x Reader)

AN- Thank you for the patience for this one! My little boy has been unwell so it has taken a little longer than I had hoped but here is the third instalment! It’s a little shorter than the others but that’s because I wanted to contain the angsty part in one chapter, the next ones will hopefully be longer..

This one is a little more angsty, a lot more emotional, but I’m quite happy with the outcome and I hope you are too! As usual, please let me know any thoughts/feedback! And enjoy!

Word Count: 2510

"Is it just me that finds Stephen Fry a bit.. sexy?" You spoke, watching the television as Young Ones' Scumbag College competed on University Challenge. "I don't know what it is about him. He's just.. got such a lovely voice, and he's so sodding clever and his CLOTHES- got much better looking with age, mind." Mycroft only hummed, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.

"Hmm.. He's not really my type." You laughed and petted his head fondly.

"You don't have to be gay to find another man attractive Myc." You mused. "Me and Greg talk about it all the time, though he fancies Hugh Laurie more, especially in Blackadder." You laughed, thinking back on the memory of Greg's fondness of George in the Blackadder Goes Forth series.

"I'm aware that sexuality and attraction are not the same, Y/N. I am comfortable enough in my own heterosexuality to appreciate another man's features. In fact, I very much agree with Gregory's view on Mr Laurie. Stephen, however, is not my type. The few people that did speak to me in University used to tell me I reminded them of him in the way I behaved but, and I quote, 'without even a lick of his humour, you miserable bastard.' Thus, I cannot look at him in that way." He laughed a little and you cleared your throat.

"Oh.. uh, yeah I guess that makes sense. Not the humour part though, you're actually hilarious and they missed out big time." You tried to avoid the point where you'd deemed Stephen Fry sexy in every way he was similar to the man who was laying in your lap, and just hoped he wouldn't bring that up.

"He definitely got the looks side of things though, particularly as General Melchett in Goes Forth, though I am not particularly fond of the facial hair." He screwed up his nose in distaste, you fighting every ounce of your control to not say he looked a bit cute. "And certainly didn't have the waistline that 21 year old Mycroft had."

"Speaking in the third person now, are we? Well, Mycroft, Y/N is comfortable enough in her friendship that Y/N thinks Mycroft can be sexy in his own ways too." You teased, partly embarrassed, but equally just trying any way to improve the man's confidence, even by a little. Mycroft choked a little on his own saliva and had to sit up to regain his own breath. Too far? "Sorry." He shook his head 'no' but didn't speak. In his moments of regaining his composure, Mycroft watched you. Processed in his head what you had said- 'was it a joke?', he couldn't read anything on you that would suggest that, though his eyes were glassy from the choking- watched as you panicked, then subsiding the panic to concern as you made sure he was okay. All these things, he thought, he didn't deserve. He took a deep breath and reached for the television remote, pausing the show and settling back on the other side of the sofa. It had to be done now. Done while his brain was allowing it, before he got attached... before he got attached even more. He couldn't keep pretending it was okay, keep accepting your compliments and your kindness, couldn't allow himself to go any further in his.. attraction?

It was always unspoken between the two of you- your not so subtle hints to Mycroft over the last few years hadn't got unnoticed, Mycroft would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that he felt the same way, though this was perhaps the most open you had been; he would always put it off, try to think of reasons why you shouldn't be more than whatever you are now- most of the time it circles back to work, your busy schedule at the Yard and his unpredictable working hours mostly, saying to himself that it would simply be pointless, that you wouldn't see each other. But he knew that was a lie- you see him as often as you can, even if it's just for an hour on lunch, and everyone knows he would do his best to move empires to have you over for dinner had it been a while, quite literally actually.

Then there was age, you were in your mid-to-late twenties, he in his forties, though that argument also fell flat after you had mentioned your last long term relationship had been with a man your elder, amongst many of your interests in celebrity males that you had mentioned being closer to his age than yours- and, on his behalf, it was usual for a Politician to walk into formal dinners with a younger woman on arm. In the end, it all went back to the real reason Mycroft put everything off, a reason he hated admitting to even himself. Mycroft was scared.

Having been the age he is with no sexual experience, no previous relationships, and not even many friendships, he was terrified he would humiliate himself and you would leave him completely. You were both adults, both clever, you both knew there was always 'something' there, but without you ever acting upon it, Mycroft decided to live his life keeping you as a friend rather than risk not having you at all. He felt guilty enough having you here anyway. He couldn't allow you to keep stroking his hair like that, or letting you sleep in his bed with him, hold him as he snored, when it was for completely other desires in his own mind, not without speaking to you. No, that wouldn't be fair- even if he didn't fully understand everything himself and was still incredibly scared. You needed to know the truth, about everything, and, if there were the slightest chance you'd forgive him, he had decided he couldn't wait any longer, couldn't put it off anymore, he wanted you to carry on doing those things, wanted to continue the nights you would stay in his bed. But Mycroft wanted it to change, he wanted to be able to start the night with a ghost of his hand on your hip, without waiting until you were asleep to bring himself to have that courage, to wake up next to you and not feel the awkward need to move so soon, just to stay a little longer. Christ, Mycroft wanted every cliché in the book with you, and it took him until yesterday to realise how much he wanted that, after nearly losing you. And he needed you to know, even if it risked it all.

"Y/N I-"

"I know, I'm sorry, I took it too far I was just messing about.. Not that I didn't mean it, I wasn't joking about you.. You are very attractive, but it was inappropriate.. I shouldn't have said it.. I just wanted to help.. though I don't think it did, might have made it worse, actually.. Didn't want to say anything and let you find out.. like that.. not that it matters.. because I AM happy JUST being your friend, over the moon, actually.. so I don't want you to think I ruined that... Because I know you don't feel.. like that.. and you're not saying anything which is scaring me a little because you're always talking.. Not that I don't like that.. I love you talking to me, you've got a lovely voice.. and.. and I'm going to shut up again.. sorry.. again.." You rambled, a lot, too much.. far too much. Mycroft tried to process everything, his eyes closing at every word. You were making this so much harder for him, admitting everything like that. Mycroft hunched forward in his position and braced his elbows on his knees, index and middle finger of each hand holding the weight of his head by his temples.

"No just.. Just stop talking for a moment." Mycroft snapped, cutting you off as your mouth opened to speak a little, the small jump back made his gaze soften. "Please." He spoke softer, apologetic. "I can't.. talk about that.. not yet. Not until you know.." You went to speak again but his head tilted, eyes containing a rare glaze of vulnerability, trying to stay in contact with your own but constantly dropping back to his lap- a silent plea to stay quiet, be patient and just give him a moment. And you did. Turning your body completely sideways, you crossed your legs on the sofa, hands resting folded in your lap as you encouraged him to continue with a brief nod of your head. "I fear if I don't tell you of yesterday's happenings in this very moment that I never shall, and that is far too selfish, even of me." He took a deep breath in. "But I just.. need a moment. A few, likely, throughout." You nodded your head again.

From there, Mycroft began to explain everything that had happened, told you of his sister, where she had taken him, Sherlock and John, what she spoke about, what she tried to get them to do. His voice cracked every so often, knuckles whitened as his fists clenches, creases formed in his trousers where he squeezed his hand on them, but you listened to every word and stayed silent- eyes welling with small tears. Mycroft spoke of the screen, told you of the snipers that were out there, targeting Ms Hudson and Molly. Your body stiffened as he added Lestrade to the list, feeling your throat tighten a little at the mere thought of losing Greg. Mycroft pressed on, told you about how Eurus tried to make Sherlock choose between him and John, told you how he'd tried to convince Sherlock to just shoot him, how Sherlock refused and threatened to shoot himself. His voice went breathless at the end of that, the idea of losing his brother so easily still fresh in his mind. You loosened your sitting position and leaned over, taking Mycroft's hand in your own and squeezing. He sighed again and closed his eyes.

"Please, don't." He whispered, trying to fold his hand into a fist to escape your embrace. You didn't let go and offered your other hand on his back in support as you watched a stray tear fall down his cheek. "I said don't!" He shouted, moving from your touch and standing up from the sofa, beginning to pace as his face contorted into more pain, another tear following the path of the last. You sat back, watched him, didn't take the anger to heart. "It was my fault! All of it!" He ran his hands through his hair and tugged, moving them after to wipe the droplets from his cheek.

"Myc it's ok-"

"It isn't okay Y/N! No part of any of this is even remotely close to okay!" He stilled now, posture going back rigid as he looked at you, eyes bloodshot and glassy. He told you of his Birthday present to Eurus- five unsupervised minutes with Moriarty- and started his pacing again. "A man died yesterday because of me. Sherlock, John, Greg, Ms Hudson, Molly. They all almost died yesterday. You almost... you almost died yesterday." His breath hitched again, lip softly quivering at the end of his words. You tensed a little and frowned, confused and urging him to elaborate. "They weren't the only people on the screens, not the only ones with a red dot on their heads, Y/N." Gaze avoiding you now, turned completely to face the wall rather than look at you at all- giving him a chance to compose himself, steadying his voice. "I saw you, you were happy, just dancing and making tea, but at any moment you could have... and it would have been my fault. And I know I should have told you yesterday, it was selfish of me using you the way that I have without letting you know everything. You could have been gone before I could tell you everything, before I could explain how I feel about you, and it all came rushing to me the moment I saw your face on that screen. I’m so sorry, for everything, for ignoring everything, for being the reason you almost-" The last thing Mycroft had expected was the feeling of arms around his waist, the feeling of a head resting between his shoulder blades, soaking the shirt with tears. You sniffed, holding onto him tighter as you cried into his back.

"It's okay Mycroft." You spoke, voice croaking from tears. "They're okay.. I'm okay. And you're going to be okay. I'm not going anywhere." The relief Mycroft felt from your words ran through his body as he slumped a little, left hand holding on to where yours joined on his stomach, his right lifting to his eyes where, in a very rare moment, he allowed himself to weep.

***

Neither of you were too sure on how long you stayed like that, Mycroft being held in your arms as he quietly cried into his hand, you into his back, but it was long enough that your feet were beginning to ache and Mycroft had become silent a short while ago. You attempted to loosen your grip but Mycroft quickly grabbed back at your hands, holding them to him again. You changed your tactic and instead circled round until your hands remained together on his back, you now at his front and you gave him one last squeeze before guiding him backwards to the sofa, taking your place next to him but keeping your arms around him.

"I'm sorry." His voice was broken, quieter than usual. You shook your head and fought the urge to cry again.

"Don't." You spoke, sliding a hand down to hold his own that rested on his thigh. "Don't apologise Myc. You didn't do anything on purpose, you were just trying to be a good person.. a good brother. We're both still alive. Sherlock, John, Greg, Ms Hudson, Molly, they're all fine, and I have no doubt that it was partly due to you that they are still okay- whatever the three of you did in there, it worked, and that's all that matters to me." Mycroft shifted, his eyes finding yours once more, scanning, searching, trying to find anything that showed you were lying, that you didn't trust him anymore, but he couldn't find anything.

"But I-" You placed a hand at the back of his neck and leaned forward slightly, your lips meeting his briefly for a few seconds before pulling back. It wasn't desperate, or longing, or out of lust- it was everything Mycroft needed. Everything that let him know that you weren't going anywhere, that you still wanted to be around him, to be with him. He relaxed but didn't speak, his hand beneath yours just turning to allow your fingers to lace together as he let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. You rested your head against his shoulder, smiling softly as you felt his own rest atop yours before falling into a comfortable silence.

#mycroft #Mycroft Holmes #bbc mycroft #bbc mycroft holmes #mycroft x reader #bbc sherlock #reader insert #mycroft holmes x reader #mycroft holmes x reader smut

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unpretty · 3 years

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astielle ch 28 spoiler ask dump~~

anonymous asked:

Tauril-form is puberty, because that's when his voice changes. Abysscale-form is college-age because that's when he goes to his first orgy.

anonymous asked:

You called Abysscale-form college-age (which does not preclude teenage sexscapades given the ages that go to college) and that tracks with how I think of Tauril-form as going through puberty (because of the voice-change). But if Tauril is the horny teenager that's kind of sad. Because as Minnow has pointed out many times That Dick Will Kill.

not each other, it won't!! although i imagine taurils sleeping with each other would have the bro-iest vibe. very bill and ted. taurils also have Options with people who aren't giant bull centaurs, it's just awkward is all. fortunately for everyone taurils are actually adults and are not full of hormones, they just have zero impulse control and when they like someone they want to impress them and spend time with them and it doesn't necessarily occur to them to get their dicks involved in the situation (karzarul's mind was elsewhere the first time he was a tauril)

anonymous asked:

When Violet said monsters make the best mercenaries and throw the best parties I didn't think about it, but the fact that all the impyrs came into being with swordsmanship skills equal to Lynette probably had something to do with the former. Even if ten isn't that many, THEY COME BACK. (Eventually. In, like, a month.) And the others probably learned from Lynette, even if they died. Lynette's unintentional teaching, back again.

they learned from the best murdering them repeatedly

anonymous asked:

When Ari is repopulating, and he skips Black Drakonis, he says "Makes sense." But he's surprised when Violet points out that Black Drakonis is missing, so it sounds like he at least had a theory/assumption at the time for why she was skipped, but it doesn't match with the new information.

he initially just assumed that black drakonis had managed to avoid being killed the whole time, which made sense because she's a big dragon and she can just fly away if someone is trying to murder her. but generally if a bigass monster is alive someone is going to see it, especially her, because she likes finding population centers to try to guard.

anonymous asked:

"It also occurred to him that trying to get Minnow to act like she lived in a society since they were young may have negatively impacted his sense of what constituted an acceptable thing to say to a person while his dick was out." Is just HILARIOUS.

anonymous asked:

Honestly I can relate to Leonas cause just last week I was like 'I keep falling asleep in class maybe I should develop a caffeine addiction' and one of my friends was like 'pls eat more food' so I started to actually have breakfast and an after work snack and I magically stopped falling asleep in class

anonymous asked:

Minnow's hips don't lie, but castle ruins are strangely deceptive.

everyone who wasn't following along when astielleblogging intersected with kink taxonomy hell is going to be so confused if/when minnow finally gets stuck somewhere

@9ofspades asked:

Ari is my favorite again and I want him to have actual eternity to be happy with his poly soulmate throuple together. And also his big monster family. Also I think he's wrong about what the core of the Heir and Hero are - both of them have, deep in the core of their souls, the fact that they are Monsterfuckers.

for the record i have a post in my drafts with all of your readalong asks and i still haven't decided what to do with them but i enjoyed them IMMENSELY

anonymous asked:

>looking for food >ask the cook if their food is earthy or wet >she doesn't understand >pull out illustrated diagram explaining what is earthy and what is wet >she laughs and says "it's good food sir" >buy some food >its wet

@ivylaughed asked:

I love the tumblr meme references in Astielle. The guards bringing their own knives; there being an infinite variety of brassica oleracea; the fucking chocolate guy. I'm half-waiting for a children's hospital/color theory reference. Thank you for the easter eggs.

i'm glad someone read 'chocolate birdhouse' and immediately thought THAT FUCKING CHOCOLATE GUY AGAIN ashjasd

anonymous asked:

I just wanted to say that as a plant nerd and forager I deeply appreciated Minnow's surprisingly accurate botany lesson.

unfortunately all the books that leonas gave minnow are still at her house and so she cannot cite sources for the existence of hemlock, queen anne's lace, and giant hogweed

anonymous asked:

“I think you overestimate people’s willingness to admit when things don’t make sense to them," lmao Minnow has a point

will the two men she is with learn from this and start admitting when they don't know things they think they should and are confused? absolutely not.

anonymous asked:

XD Ari hears "Kavid" and immediately attempts a strategic retreat.

anonymous asked:

“‘you should get dressed’ is a complete sentence.” Is making me laugh.

it's probably for the best because if he actually had known all three of them were out there it would have taken him like an hour to get ready and he would have had at least one breakdown about how none of his outfits were good enough and it was all nari's fault

anonymous asked:

Kavid: I will be happy to HAVE YOU ALL *lascivious eyebrow wiggle* at my earliest convenience.

anonymous asked:

"he gets smaller" "in this weather who doesn't?" KITTY PLZZZ

anonymous asked:

I can't decide whether I love or hate Kavid - I have a very Specific idea in mind for his voice, though I admittedly can't figure out where I'm pulling it from. He is an Excellent character though. Lovely chapter as always :D

anonymous asked:

Before, I was entertained by Kavid. Now I love him.

anonymous asked:

Kitty, Kraven and Kavid have similar speech patterns on purpose, right??? Right?????

i was honestly imagining some kind of nonsense faux-european what-country-is-this-even-from hollywood accent but imagining that he has sounded extremely russian this whole time is extremely funny

@rose-and-bones asked:

SHE HAS A TYPE aghfgstjs

minnow having a thing for obnoxiously pretty men who think they're great aka self-recognition through the other (horny)

@speakingintothevoid asked:

“You are,” Leonas said, “an egotistical, self-important fop.” “Ye-e-es,” Kavid said without shame. “She has a type, does Starlight.” I! LOVE!! IT!!! Makes me almost think of Violet and Karzarul - our point of view character being faced with a version of themselves who are more comfortable in their own skin and our boys not knowing why that annoys them

@keleviel asked:

I rescind my earlier mild disdain, Kavid is great. Is he actually The Greatest Of Bards, or is that just more showmanship?

he rocks about as hard as you can rock on a lyre, which is probably harder than you'd think (especially if you brought a lot of drummers) (which he does)

anonymous asked:

Jakshahshsh every time a new astielle chapter comes out i read it at least twice. Kavid i love you. Leonas i love you also you fucked up lil man. And karzarul the seat. And minnow the mischievous. and just. poor nari. existing in the same world as minnow and her all-powerful boyfriends and also kavid. nari needs a raise

she really does

anonymous asked:

Bruce in Office Meeting and Leonas grabbing the wine when Kavid starts talking about Imperials solidarity.

anonymous asked:

"You would like to compare notes?""Always." Brilliant. Leonas to a t. Loving this interlude with kavid. Snuggly tipsy leonas is a treat. kavids talk of how the weather makes all of us smaller had me cackling. Also this batshit imperial conspiracy is gr8

anonymous asked:

I am suddenly much less comfortable about Leonas performing medical experiments on Minnow, though no fault of his own. :(

@mooseman13579 asked:

Leonas finding out about the weird sun empire truther stuff: haha I'm in danger

the real unanswered question is how much of this is news and how much of it is stuff he already knew and assumed was normal

@thegayknee asked:

Holy shit this is it, isnt it. This is how they fix karzarul's reputation and expose Leland. With the power of Kavid

anonymous asked:

Karzarul's Questlog: "Work on our Image" updated, The Tale of Hollow Monsters delivered to bard.

anonymous asked:

just how many of her lovers is minnow going to recruit into her questing party

she should probably be swapping people out to keep their levels consistent but instead she just keeps karzarul and leonas as her companions for every single quest

@flying-butter asked:

"Details! I need details!" "The king sucks." This is every conversation with any of the trio. Minnow likely knows how to complete half of Ari's quests and Leonas the other half, but no one talks about anything without prompting.

minnow just assumes that everyone knows what she knows because she can't possibly be the brains of the operation and meanwhile karzarul and leonas are both busy having shame

anonymous asked:

i was so excited for the lore drop but the moment Leonas sat in Karzarul's lap my brain just shut off

@themaidenisdeath asked:

oh yes, as we all know, "all business" and "taciturn" are the first words that come to mind when we think of Minnow. It reminded me of when she met Karzarul and he told her she was particularly chatty for hero. Sorry Kavid, you're just neither a Sweet, Considerate Monster with a Dick of Steel And Tentacles To Match™ nor a Twink Prince With Silky Hair, Dom Tendencies And Weird Dietary Beliefs™

@halfdeadfriedrice asked:

"what Hero business?" / "I'm the Hero. All my business is Hero business." You tell em Minnow! And then it turns out to be Quest relevant after all; all business is Hero business Also kavid's last night's makeup and messy convertible couch covered in laundry with half-empty wine bottles on the floor is THEE most visually resonant, I feel like I am visiting a college friend

leonas got very lucky that there weren't any cigarette butts floating in that wine because in his mood he might have just drank it anyway

#original #astielleblogging #writeblogging #astielle spoilers

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supercorp-hosie · 3 years

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My thoughts for Legacies 316: (here we go again😂)

(I’m combining after thoughts with live thoughts)

1) The soundtracks for this episode are amazing, they fit very well even for Finsie that I heard that a lot of people were complaining on Reddit.

2) I finally get my team Sowanby! I just feel so much from them! They kind of make a great team, but please, do not go on another heist again. You both sucks at that! The holes are, the museum don’t have a fucking alarm for Leonardo DaVinci’s work? Are you kidding me? And Landon beating the shit out of the guard but not putting him out first is so dumb. The worst is Cleo calling Landon’s name so loud, I can’t😂😂😂😂😂😂 you don’t want people to be on your back when you have the Malivore threat going on guys! And ha! You guys are on the headline! That’s why I really feel like these supernaturals are so outdated and solidified from modern technology, even in 2030! Are you going to tell me everything technology will still be the same like now?? Come on, there’ll be cameras watching everywhere. Like they can see Cleo using magic! I need my Trimini (or bridge) coven and Hope starting to integrate the supernatural world with the modern world. About Trimini and Hope future career, click here.

3) the line about “many who shaped it are never acknowledged” I stand! After that, about the key card my random thoughts were about Landon being the one that stole the key card😂 just out of the blue and I’m proven wrong though.

4) Landon bonding with Cleo!!!! They thought the same way, and “I can promise that anyone that have to get to you, they have to get to me” is so strong! But the scene after, is the moment I started really doubting Landon, the look is too alarming. But there are still Sowanby scenes😭😭😭 and the melted heart mud... I mean I genuinely believed that the spell didn’t work because Landon is also mud himself. But in hindsight it is horrific, like the serial killer is just standing next to you but and the signs are right in front of you.

5) Malivore mud being artistically friendly! I can’t haha! Oh and when Holarke walked on Sowanby inspiring moment🤣🤣🤣I can’t, they act like both of them are cheating on one another it’s hilarious. Thank you for acknowledging each other Holarke and Sowanby🤣. By now, I should have known that’s MaliLandon. It’s humiliating because Holarke and Sowanby got me so happy that I didn’t see the clues lmao! Because there’s this line: “Following the footstep of the Renaissance greatest man? ” but this thing, Cleo only did it with Leonardo, with whom she slept with......

6) And damn, after that, I felt like a FOOL, CLOWN, WHATEVER after that! All I have for team Sowanby is fake 🙃🙃🙃🤡🤡🤡 Anyway we still have to admit that the promise still stand true right, cuz it’s literal.🤣🤣🤣 MaliLandon fulfills his promise by eating Cleo. TYPICAL.

7) Holarke! Clarke is still handsome as ever😍. We can see his presence is clearly affecting Josie and making Hope giving him information. Can we talk about how cute is he sleeping soundly here?

8) Lizzie being the only unaffected queen here. AND IT’S FINALLY LIZZIE’S TURN FOR “AD SONNUM” I can totally see her pleasantness in doing that to somebody after being on the receiving end🤣🤣🤣 Josie and Hope had done it before so now we actually see her doing it. I somehow feel completed.

9) The look Hope and Josie shared. Hosie!

10) Josie is going to be the death of me! I like her look. And how the camera moving upward gosh! And I’m totally digressing here, what is a razzleberry? And what is a slush? I have no idea what they are, I just feel like tasting what she tasting now. Lizzie’s line, crashing and splashing😂 Am I colour blind? Cuz I really can’t tell whether Hope is wearing dark blue or dark green 😅 if it’s green, then the traffic lights colour are back again lol. If blue, then Hosie matching clothes! Did Finsie ever have matching colours? I’m just wondering.

11) Hosie scene! They talked about how seeing Clarke traumatised Josie~~ damn and Josie says traumatised is her permanent resting state. I mean even on her birthday she was buried alive lmao. And Hope wants to help Josie stop the traumas by sacrificing herself to defeat Malivore, like by literally dying. Which she didn’t want because she didn’t want to live forever.

12) Holarke scene again! I love all those banters and their dynamics😂😂 how Hope is the only one that trusts Clarke now. The mimic spell! It’s their thing😍😍. Oh it totally surprised me that Clarke isn’t mud man anymore. I’m really happy for him, because he finally break himself out of the abuse! It seems like triad is totally gone?? But I still kind of think that there may be something more? And Clarke’s reaction to Hope opening the artefact! 🤣🤣🤣 and the way that Clarke sensed the familiarity with Cleo! Yea boy, she’s the inspiration to the creation of you.

13) Clarke keeps calling Hope and Landon kids🤣 how’s the feeling of getting kid!Hope kicking your ass and saving you😂😂😂 oh she’s totally your equal. Frenemies at best! YES! I love Holarke bonding. And the fact that Clarke being Hope inspiration to believe in friendship and her family now can help her to defeat Malivore, I Stan! Don’t lose sight of the corner! Josie! Lizzie! Clarke! Yes you have them! I’m glad that Clarke didn’t die, I’ll be so mad because the writer would be bringing him back for nothing. Oh the incendia is painful, affecting me more than the fake looking MaliLandon eating Cleo. The height difference again🤣 with Holarke this time.

14) I love Maleb clothes, not really shipping them just short form for their bromance😂 but I do enjoy if there suggests shipping cuz it’s fun! Love that them being supportive of each other, superheroing, and the hero name🤣🤣they’re clueless too. Poor Kaleb and Cleo. I really need his backstory 😫

15) about hero names, I’m still having playback of “blursome and essential” in my mind. MG is looking at the mask longer than Kaleb, I feel like he’s missing Ethan, like a lot. Another thing is, since we see the effect of someone else being compelled so clearly, but we never seen Ethan’s compelling effects. Or it’s a budget matter? They must be kidding right? So maybe Ethan is really faking it? So that leads us to Lethan....

16) if my suspicion is true, then damn, Ethan is using Lizzie to get into SBS? I’m worried for Lizzie’s wellbeing. Also the look on Josie when Ethan drives near tight after she said like some eligible will fall out of the sky🤣🤣🤣 the timing is impeccable lmao. For real, Lizzie wanting Ethan to be Hope’s rebound after her kiss with him in the trio imagination, is ....so the trio is now sharing guys now? Jandon is still there in the history! It’ll be like a very messing love multi-triangle😌😌😌

17) the way Lizzie talked about how Hope is perfect the whole way and judging by the day when they arrived at SBS? That’s very long! Lmao, Lizzie are you sure you’re not in love with Hope? Hizzie rights! (I don’t even know when I started to ship Hizzie, it’s a mystery🤣) I think I can only talk like that about my love. Why don’t you make you and your sister Hope’s rebound? I’ll be happy with what I get🤣

18) The decision to bring Ethan on a tour, is so bad. What if ethan ended up enrolling SBS and Alaric can’t deny the application? Did she ever think of that?? And Josie and Mg is going to face the consequences in the near future🤣 dreadful! From there I already felt the cliche sweetness that when you’re trying to be a wingwoman and ended up “selling” yourself out🤣🤣 fuck CW for cutting the scenes of Lizzie’s epic facial expression when she was slapped with her own words😂😂😂anyway, it’s no way she can refuse the ask out after 315 where Lizzie still thinks that she can’t be the chosen one when Hope is there, but someone actually chooses her even after all the Hope is perfect speech. As much as I mourn for Methan and Mizzie, I’m happy that she got someone to tell her that. But I think they’re destined to backfire😅

19) so does the Mizzie “will they won’t they?” officially end here? I’m confused. Btw it’s really a way to mention Sebastian’s death being relocated permanently 🤣 oh wait...she knew that that prison world is destroyed forever right????? Someone save me.

20) okay I have to go back before Ethan picked the twins up: while Lizzie is actually worrying about themselves being stranded, Josie is just more concerned about Hope? Hosie! Poor Josie, she never sees that she is Hope soft spot and can totally make Hope happy too. Look at your dumb joke at 103, Hope’s laugh is magnificent too. It’s because of you. And yes I’m with Josie, I just ship Hope with herself and her axe right now, don’t put her with anyone for at least 5 more episode please.

21) The one that doesn’t dissolve into goo! Now is Clarke! And the both of you my dear twins. Btw, the dna thing, where Clarke confirms that dna is still toxic... so it applies to Landon too right? And it’s now just more overwhelmingly apparent that handon sex is without protection. Yea so much for epic love. And this is about the possibility where (hopefully) it’s not MaliLandon when the sex scene happened.

22) Finsie time! I got to say, it’s really improving. Their scene is beautiful, finally. That feeling that they’re nice together is now going on continuous for me. I’m happy for them! They are now stepping up on Hosie, not derogatory, I’m just seeing some parallels from hosie here. The disclose of Ethan broken arm, where Hosie has done, before that there’s Clarke’s traumatising Josie thing with Hosie. Next, the focus on the hand holding, I’m thinking of 207 and others. The “me being here with you”, with hosie 308 “then I’ll be here with you”. The whole thing is very comforting for Josie. The hug is good too. We can see that they finally have some nice scene and the bgm is good for them.

23) I have no idea what is magical agronomy, so I look it up. Again, that shows how Josie love plants, like someone in Reddit said they observed that Josie’s side of room has several plants. And in 307, the herbs, that she remembers. I think it can help a lot if Hope is starting a magical technology company. Josie’s interest in that can come in handy. They’ll make a great team. About TRIMINI INDUSTRIES tap here.

24) we are still missing Jed here. Justice for Jed. We need Jed real first name. Did anyone notice when the super squad faces MaliLandon there’s no werewolf present? They’re really downplaying that huh? But maybe I can be satisfied that they are not making Finch being there but not Jed.

25) We need to address this thing about Handon. It’s like one and a half time that Hope couldn’t recognise that Landon is not Landon right? We still have to give credits to her memories shared with Cleo actually make Cleo kind of recognise the difference? So half a time. I agree with Josie’s words that Landon makes Hope happy. I mean, yes, most of the time they failed in working but there’s still sweet scenes between them. So that’s actually what makes Handon tolerable. They are what makes me only do facepalm rather than skipping them. So yes of course Hope has happy moments with Landon. Just that it doesn’t mean that they’re good together.

26) it’s always Landon’s bros that first find out Landon wasn’t Landon😂 this time is Clarke. It’s Clarke that tell Hope, “Landon will never leave you”. That’s the inconsistency of the writers, not counting MaliLandon’s time, it’s still two times. And there’s time that some will argue that Landon’s feet literally walk away from Hope. So...that’s not true, do not stuff that in our throat anymore. “I always thought you two are destined to be together” is this the writer way of saying they’re not doing Handon anymore or otherwise? Cuz “thought” is past tense and “are” is present tense. I’m tired. It’s normal that Hope still wants Landon to be happy and still love him. But after the breakup, when she still doesn’t know that it’s MaliLandon, the “still dying to get Landon again” is obsession. Girl, it’s derogatory to your self-esteem. “If a mud man like me can beat his fate, maybe you kids can too” yea that’s Handon going on.

27) we shouldn’t need to be told that Handon is epic love multiple times. We should be able to feel them, see them ourselves. Why did I start approving Finsie now, because instead of them being only all talking and no showing, now we see them working well (until now). I have been widely accepting to any other legacies ships and why I never ship Handon? So really these multiple telling us that how good is Landon to Hope, is not working. I’ve never been so frustrated.

28) Let’s appreciate the Handon parallel with 101. It’s interesting that how Landon is inside the cage and Hope is outside the cage again. The meaning of the cage has deep meaning here. Handon first kiss is in the cage, that kind of mean that their love is trapped there. Like how their relationship being so troublesome and bound by these fateful encounters. The lights are quite similar, handon always has this blue lighting for them, which sometimes it’s kind of weird. The first time it is Hope decorating the ceiling with stars for Landon. It’s sweet, but also implying that what Handon has is the false beauty of them and not keeping the cage symbolism in mind. In other way of interpreting it, this is the writer foreshadowing their endgame. Cuz they’re trapped there, no way in no way out.

29) I think I’m not the only one bothered by the mostly lack of real Landon appearance in s3. As we can see how MaliLandon words sits so right about, Landon not belonging to SBS if it weren’t Hope. Then he leaves with Cleo, that’s a thing for Sowanby too, they still don’t have roots with the school, and it’s a great bonding between them, friendship or not. It’s the bond between them that matter. In 314 315, we always see that the students were totally fine without Landon. Like the three trios paralleling? It’s sad that Landon is like bouncing here and there in SBS but never really belong. And now the writers kind of ripped his personal development. So now he has neither his pheonix powers nor fighting skills, great? And even Hope’s growth too. We are seeing her moving to a good direction and the writers have to drag her back in the hell hole. Hope needs to not always looking at Landon for her happiness, it’s not good for the both of them. Like MG said, be your own person.

30) THEORIES regarding Landon: a) It’s MaliLandon all the way? I hope not, it’s reminding me of Lost Girl that one of the characters slept with the father personating the person she loves, and got pregnant. Tell you what was more alarming? When the episode ended, I was recommended to move on to Lost Girl on CW seed. It’s disgusting! Why do you want to help make me hate Handon? I don’t even hate them initially! I’m like struggling to be logical and lean on the positive side here. Why I can’t move on from this possibility: first, I’ve always headcannon that Malivore has partial control over Landon. Like how Landon actually wasn’t lying in 102 103? That’s Malivore. And Handon, as genius as always, doesn’t talk about it. Second, the way that Landon dissolved, he was human back then, but he turns into goo? how does it even work? If he is human, toxic to dna will make him die, not become goo, right? Even if that wasn’t a problem, it can also be MaliLandon trying his luck. Third, Malivore purpose is to make the perfect legacy, he will totally give it a try to make tribrid-Malivore babies. Fourth, during the inspiration from Cleo, MaliLandon has Landon’s memories, enhancing the theories that Malivore has partial control over Landon, so even if it wasn’t MaliLandon, it’s still partial-MaliLandon. Fifth, after the inspiration, MaliLandon said that he doesn’t need Hope to tackle his problem or for his purposes, which means he initially wanted Hope, thinking getting to Hope can help with his purposes. It’s really not a far-fetched.

31) THEORIES regarding Landon: b) it’s real Landon during sex, but Malivore got him in the prison world. While having Landon’s personal growth ripped and Handon still dragging out are not pleasant at all, this is still a more pleasant theory for me. At least Landon did start fighting for himself after sometime, and while the sex is still partial-MaliLandon, at least it’s not MaliLandon. (I’m always using at least for Handon 🙃) maybe we can still have Landon fighting skills? Cuz I was happy for him about this though. But I just don’t think so. The evidence for this theory is, my feeling about Landon in 306 is that it kind of fits Landon personality, but he did start his violence there. Another thing is the letter. There’s care in “to whom it may concern”. However, that can be just me being simp. And there’s also possibilities that the partial control from Malivore is cultivating Landon’s behaviour starting there and slowly taking control. Because making a deal with the devil always has its consequences. It’s either that or Landon was taken after the letter.

32) regarding the picture above, i just want to point out about another interesting point about the structure of the scene, if you scroll back and see sowanby picture with the door and another bonding talk, you can se that there’s always pillar and frames that’s framing or trapping them together. Like Handon. I mean that’s totally MaliLandon, so this pointing out is not mean to be romantic. It’s just a thought about how devastating that Cleo is stuck in something her whole life, especially the picture structure that implies that she’s stuck with MaliLandon again.

33) overall I’m thinking this is a good and disgusting episode. With all the unexpected twist, it’s really good, there’s actually layers in showing us that Landon is not Landon every time. Then those bonding. The soundtrack, the scenes. Disgusting, is about the theory, and how we are all tangled back to Handon again after we finally have some fresh air. Not to mention the always surprisingly convenient that Landon always has an excuse when we see Landon did something bad to Hope. Like he can never be making big mistake while only having little questionable doings that can’t possible tarnish him being the perfect person in the show. The first time he lies, Malivore controlled him. During the pageant competition, he is justified to walk away when he totally chose the wrong timing to ask that question, leaving Hope alone breaking in front of such important event. 207, monsters are coming for him, he’s protecting people by leaving. Musical episode, he needs to cross boundaries because it’s bound to be, without further reasoning it with Hope, when Hope specifically was very respectful of him in 111 about his songs. And now, this. That’s not him, we can’t blame him. He will never be blame for something big because the writers is biased. Very biased in making that Landon is better than anyone else in the show, so he’s the perfect guy for Hope. Like no one can compare with him. He’s almost perfect. Perfect than Hope.

34) Reflect on what Hope did in 308, MG is kind of right, she shouldn’t have touched it without fully prepared. Because it totally let Malivore running out free instead of him being an originally contained problem. It’s for the good view in whole. Heroes make hard decisions. There’s still the hair thing cut from Hope and Golem!Landon.

These pictures is my work, while it’s easy to get it yourself, and not that I’m professional in doing this. But I still did screenshot them one by one and did some editing. So please like or label the sources when you save or use it. ♥️

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potteresque-ire · 3 years

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Concerning the incredibly far and deep reach of CCP’s propaganda, the narratives the government can spin and call the truth; does ‘the common normal populace’ actually know what’s really going on?

Hello everyone!!! Happy Chinese New Year!!

I’m grouping these asks because if I hear them correctly, they’re all related to this question: how much do people in China know about the atrocities committed by their government, and why don’t they do something about it?

It’s a difficult question, isn’t it? A potentially upsetting one too, just to think about. My answers are more opinion-based, more personal this time. Since there’re no polls about what people know, they have to be based a little more on my own impression, which has more chances of error. Please bear with me and proceed with caution ...

As with people in most countries, what people know is hugely dependent on individuals. Specifically, re: politics, I can think of at least three reasons why people don’t have the facts

1) they have limited access to information 2) they’re being lied to about what they know 3) they’re not interested in current affairs.

1), of course, is what most people think about when it comes to China. You’re right, Anon(s), that VPN use is indeed rampant in the country and is essentially an open secret; there’re no official numbers but surveys have estimated the number of users can be up to 100 million, most of them being youngsters. They use it to do exactly what most of us would imagine: gain access to things they don’t have otherwise. Instagram has been (sporadically?) blocked since 2014 September and so while users may have set up their accounts while being overseas, it’s indeed, (very) possible, that they’ve set up and maintained their account under VPN use.

Wait, you may ask, so you mean the Great Firewall of China doesn’t exist?

That’s exactly the official stance. Not because of private VPN use, but because individuals/companies can apply for a license via their telecommunications company to visit all internet sites. Hence, the government’s claim that the Great Firewall doesn’t exist—you’ll be let through as long as you ask (and we’ll watch your every step)! There are also no explicit laws prohibiting the use of private VPNs; only a handful of arrests associated with private VPN use have been made and only since 2019, and the punishment is considered light—no imprisonment, just fines. It is, in contrast, against the law to *provide* private VPN services, and while companies have been shut down, the crackdown has still been incredibly sluggish by Chinese government’s standards, especially when the Xi regime has made its intention of banning VPN known and directives have been issued for that in 2017.

Why has VPN continued to enjoy this “grey existence”? Because without VPN, a lot of foreign businesses would leave—some, for example, require the most efficient online tools developed outside China to track the foreign markets, and talents have rejected job offers in the country when they realised they couldn’t get on their favourite social media. The science and tech sectors also rely heavily on VPN—programmers relying on Google to search stackoverflow, for example, to find known solutions to bugs.

VPNs have also served political purposes—Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Chinese Communist Party (CCP)-critical communities all over the world are all painfully aware of the Chinese government’s practice of hiring its own collection of internet commentators (”50 Cent Party”), and at times, mobilising their youths (gamers, fan circles) to scale the Firewall and astroturf, throw insults at the “CCP enemies” and bomb message boards with pro-CCP messages.

Also, a significant fraction of VPN companies, both in China and overseas, have been reported to have Chinese ownership, by companies with government connections. These VPN services provide a false sense of security for those who do not enjoy having big brother peeking behind their backs while acting as surveillance tools that extend beyond the country.

(Please be careful about free VPNs).

The next question: If until now, users of private VPNs only rarely get into trouble, what’s holding them from scaling the Great Firewall and learning the facts?

It is this: the law isn’t about “climbing the wall”, but what one does outside the wall.

Article 6 of the 2016 edition of Cybersecurity law states the following:

第六条　国家倡导诚实守信、健康文明的网络行为，推动传播社会主义核心价值观，采取措施提高全社会的网络安全意识和水平，形成全社会共同参与促进网络安全的良好环境

Article 6: The State advocates sincere, honest, healthy and civilized network conduct; promoting dissemination of the core socialist values, adopting measures to raise the entire society's awareness and level of network security, and forming a good environment for the entire society to jointly participate in advancing network security.

What this article implies is this ~ legally, Chinese citizens are bound to the Chinese government’s rules of good internet conduct, regardless of whether they use VPN to get on the internet. As with many Chinese laws, however, the vagueness in wording invites more questions than answers. Is it getting on Twitter, a banned website, “sincere, honest, healthy and civilized network conduct”? Obviously, it’s illegal to interact with other users about the Xinjiang’s internment camps, but what if one only goes there to talk about their favourite stars, because on Weibo supertopic they can’t even mention the stars’ name, can’t ahkgkhagjkfaskjgdf about their favourite fics? What if one goes there to discuss a M- or E-rated fic? Where is the line drawn and given its vagueness, will that line move tomorrow? How?

Most people, therefore, have opted to simply stay away from VPN. After all, China offers its own version of many of the fun websites out there (Weibo-Twitter; Instagram-Oasis; Tiktok-Douyin; Youtube-Bilibili). For those who do use VPN, they tend to stick to websites that are unlikely to cause issues (such as Instagram; Instagram became an issue when Hong Kongers started to upload information about the protests on there).

Now, let’s proceed to 2): People don’t know the facts because they’re being lied to about what they know.

There’s a difference between having access to facts and knowing that they’re facts. This is among the most painful lessons, perhaps, for those who followed the politics of the United States in the last few years (please forgive me for the US-centric-ness of the following few paragraphs!). Even with equal access to identical information, people can vary a LOT in their understanding of what are facts and what are lies.

This illustrates the power of propaganda—and propaganda in the US isn’t even centralised. Some media outlets and individuals (political leaders and analysts) have more say on what should be viewed as the truth, but parties without significant power—small foreign and domestic interests, fringe political organisations, conspiracy theorists, regular folks—have also made critical contributions to the “fake news” phenomenon in the US. There haven’t been apparent coordinations between these parties; little concerted effort has been made to create one coherent story out of the many tales told.

In China, the propaganda effort is centralised, coordinated, free of distractions from competing story lines. The One Story the government decides on is repeated, over and over again, on newspapers, in shows, in textbooks, on signs on the streets, on social media. To put it another way, when it comes to political discourse, the country is designed to be an echo chamber with 1.4 billion people. Over time, the One Stories inevitably become firmly held beliefs—so firmly held that even if the people are exposed to facts, they no longer believe in them.

This is especially true when the source of the facts are countries with strong traditions of freedoms of speech and press, where the facts are often laid out with a critical eye to the administration and with vastly different opinions attached to them. While we view the latter as evidences that the values we embrace are alive and well—a critical eye to the administration means the Fourth Estate is doing its job, and the different opinions means freedom of speech gets to live another day—people who haven’t been exposed to these values tend to interpret these things as signs of weakness of the government. They may think the Chinese government is better than its counterparts elsewhere because no one is penning scathing criticisms against it. They may think the Chinese government is stronger because it unifies the opinions of their people—the failure of which, they’ve been taught, would lead to social chaos and economic free-fall.

The Chinese population has also been “immunised” against the truths that may be exposed about their government by a propaganda talking point used since Chairman Mao’s days—that the “Imperialist” western world, particularly the United States, is always scheming its downfall. The phrase often used is 美帝亡我之心不死 (”The heart (intention) of Imperialist US to bring us down will never die”). Unfavourable truths exposed must therefore be part of the “bring down China” scheme. This decades-old demonisation of the political apparatus of the US and Europe also prepares the people to accept what most would see as outrageous conspiracy theories: for example, in March 2020, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs claimed that the US Army intentionally planted COVID in Wuhan during the 2019 Military World games. “Foreign interference” becomes a frequent and convenient scapegoat for policy decisions gone wrong, sometimes to a (somewhat) hilarious effect ~ for example, a Taiwanese journalist calculated the cost required for the CIA to fund the 2019 Hong Kong Protests, as the Chinese government had claimed—and it turned out that the CIA was too poor to do it.

(Many of us in the US would probably laugh at the idea that our government is capable of secretly paying 2 million foreign-language speaking strangers to show up together in one march.) (It can’t even get the COVID relief payments to its own people right over a period of months.)

(Fun trivia for turtles! As 美帝=“Imperialist US” is the synonym of a feared, imaginary super-villain—super organised, super efficient, super everywhere and super impossible to take down—c-BJYX, the indestructible No. 1 CP fandom in China, has been nicknamed “美帝 cp” by those not so enamoured with it.)

Finally, there’s the psychological factor. Once a set of beliefs becomes personal truths, listening to alternatives can be very upsetting (for those in the US: imagine the blue voting block made to listen to Fox News). Hence, even when people gain access to the facts later—for example, when they study/work abroad, even emigrate—they often don’t take advantage of the access. Instead, they remain logged in in the Chinese social media sites where they’re comfortable with not only the politics but also the language and the friendships they’ve built, and continue to immerse themselves in an environment heavy with CCP propaganda. They remain defenders of the Chinese government; some have even gone out and harass people who disagree with it, in the name of freedom of speech that their country of origin never offered to them.

Censorship, of course, is an important component of building a One Story echo chamber, and I should add a note about it: censorship in China comes in vastly different strengths. The restrictions on LGBT+ issues, for example, are fairly lax, relatively speaking—“homosexuality” remains a term one can find on their internet and a topic the administration continues to address, and while BL dramas are censored, their adapted versions, along with highly publicised discussions of their original material, have so far been tolerated. The strictest form of Chinese censorship would’ve allowed neither: any mention of the 1989 June 4th Tiananmen Square massacre , for example, is immediately removed, including any hints that the event may have happened. When the former leader of the Chinese government, Jiang Zemin (江澤民), was rumoured to have passed away, the censorship apparatus went so far as to remove all mentions of Jiang, which also happened to mean “large rivers”. Chinese netizens therefore joked that major rivers had ceased to exist in China that day, as one couldn’t find any information about them online.

(LGBT+ activists have therefore remained optimistic about the future of their campaign, despite the current state of affairs. To put it simply: the Chinese government has bigger fish to fry. Sexual minorities haven’t had major clashes with the administration, haven’t embarrassed the Chinese government with their demand for rights as the ethnic minorities—the Uyghurs, the Tibetans, the Mongolians etc did. Political dissidents, including the millions in Hong Kong, are also (far) ahead in the ranking of fish size.)

For most issues, the censorship effort sits somewhere in the middle and is often inconsistent over time. The people, therefore, often have knowledge that an event has happened — even when the event is considered, beyond the Great Firewall, damaging to the reputation of the Chinese government. However, critical information is often missing in their knowledge, or is heavily distorted. For example, overseas Chinese citizens have insisted that the motivation of the 2019 Hong Kong Protests was economic, echoing the longstanding CCP propaganda that Hong Kongers have been jealous of China’s prosperity (reality: China’s GDP per capita was $10,268 USD in 2019, and Hong Kong’s, $48,713—more than 4 times higher). They missed out a critical fact: while the fast economic growth of China has created some unease—Hong Kongers have always known the Chinese government has only tolerated them and their freedoms for their ability to generate wealth—what has truly ignited Hong Kong’s anger is the Chinese government’s violation of the 1984 Sino-British Joint Declaration, and the terms it had agreed upon to get back the then British crown colony. Hong Kong hasn’t been demanding autonomy and freedoms because it’s a troublemaker, but because these things were promised to the city as conditions of the 1997 handover. As residents of the world’s third largest financial centre, Hong Kongers are diligent drafters and executioners of contracts (which international treaties are) and above all, faithful believers of them. For an asker (the Chinese government) to claim a contract as “historical” because it has received the goods (Hong Kong) and no longer feels a need to pay (allow Hong Kong 50 years of freedoms and autonomy) is offensive to the principle, the very heart and soul of the city.

(Gg’s former boss was a Hong Konger, and his experience working for him was a rather accurate reflection of Hong Kong’s view on business. What made an impression to Gg—that the posters should be without rips and misprints, even if these imperfections were not the fault of the design company—is a no-brainer to the Hong Konger in me reading the interview. Delivering high quality goods and services isn’t an act of kindness but rather, of professionalism and respect for the contract.)

(This interview is a highly recommended read, for those who’ve missed it!)

(One more example of “conveniently missed critical information”: remember GG’s show on Chongqing? Did you know the underground bombing shelters were not built by the Communist government, but the Nationalist government that was still ruling China during WWII?)

Anyway, where was I?

Right. We’re getting to 3): People are not getting the facts on the political situation in China because they’re not interested in current affairs.

Some—well, many— people are not interested in politics.

Some of you may be thinking: well, I’m not interested either. I follow politics because it’s important.

Why is it important? Because political engagement means you can do something about the many ills of the society, speak for those who cannot, force the government to change by voting, by voicing your opinion, by going to marches and protests etc.

What if you follow politics and still can’t do most of these things? What if, if you do choose to do these things, the price you pay may be astronomical? Will you still follow politics or devote your time, your energy to something else, something you’ve got more control over, something that won’t be as saddening, frustrating because it’s something you can actually change?

3) is therefore intricately related to why people often don’t do anything, even if they manage to find out about the facts.

There’re no national elections in China. Marches and protests are practically banned because while the Chinese Constitution guarantees the freedom of assembly (as it does freedom of speech and press; Article 35), it also explicitly states that "Citizens of the People’s Republic of China, in exercising their freedoms and rights, may not infringe upon the interests of the State, of society or of the collective, or upon the lawful freedoms and rights of other citizens.” (Article 51) — ie. the freedoms and rights only go as far as if they do not stand in the government’s way. Social media and all communications platforms are under constant surveillance, and so only opinions tolerated by the government is allowed...

And so, the fact, social ill that has broken your heart—you can’t tell for sure if it isn’t talked about because the government has censored it, how many people know about it and more importantly, how many among the people who know about it will agree with your take. If you break your silence and voice your concerns, how many people will have your back, even if you also conceive them as victims of the social ill? If the social ill is the lack of rights of a minority group, for example, will they appreciate your speaking out, or will your “rocking-the-boat” make things even worse for them? A heavily watched net means communications with the oppressed/vulnerable social groups are often filled with obstacles, if not outright impossible. You don’t know how these groups feel; you don’t even know how many affected individuals are there. You watch the and news and shows and they all talk about how wonderfully things are going; how everyone seems so hopeful and positive and happy with their lives—are you the only person feeling that way? Are you wrong? If you speak out then, will you be yelling into the void, or worse, yelling at the police who “invites” you for a chat in the police station? To speak for those who do not have a voice to speak, are you ready, willing to take the risk of also becoming one who no longer has a voice to speak? Is your family ready?

To put it another way: the opportunity cost of “doing something” about the political situation can be astronomically high in China, compared to the opportunity cost of us doing something similar in our own country.

If I want to support the LGBT+ population in my part of the US, for example, I can do so effectively with minimal investment and most importantly, with minimal risk. By pasting a rainbow flag on this Tumblr post, for example, I’ve already signalled to those who need support on this issue that I’m ready to give mine. And this “signal” of mine will join the hundreds and thousands on the site, collectively telling the activists doing the “on the ground” fighting that they’re not alone; that they have my vote of support. I pose no danger to myself in doing so; no one will accuse me of, arrest me for infringing upon the interests of the State and the Collective. The rainbow flag, a display of my stance, will not turn into a blurred blob the next time I look at it, transform overnight from a symbol of solidarity to a warning sign to those who may wish to join the cause. There’s no danger for me, even, to carry an actual, huge rainbow flag to Pride, perform my activism in person. I don’t have to worry about my phone already giving away my identity as a protester to the government, especially in post-COVID times. I don’t need to watch out for plain clothes pretending to be my allies. I don’t have to look at the many surveillance cameras present and wonder if I’ll get blacklisted as a troublemaker.

Am I still being tracked and taken pictures of? Possibly. But for this cause, at least, I’m not afraid that these information will be used to arrest me. If I were arrested, I know there'll be lawyers and activists who would come to my aid. LOUDLY. ANGRILY.

I’m not afraid. Period. I’m having fun. And I doubt I can say the same if I try to carry a rainbow flag to Tiananmen square and march there.

This vast difference in the opportunity cost of taking political action is the reason why I’ve refrained from demanding those who live under authoritarian dictatorships to stand up for their neighbours who’ve been oppressed / bullied by their governments. I’ve refrained from criticising them for looking away, minding their own business. Do I wish they’ve take action? Of course I do. Am I aware that their lack of action is potentially more harmful because of the frequent atrocities happening around them? Yes. But I also understand that going on a fight is far more frightening when one doesn’t even have a sense of how many will join their side of the fight; I understand that fighting for what one deserves—freedoms, rights, justice—should never equal martyrdom, and just because a regime has elected to put equal signs between the two doesn’t mean those equal signs should ever be there. I remind myself that, to ask the people in any authoritarian dictatorship to stand up for a political cause is to ask them to make sacrifices that we, as people in relatively free societies, do not need to make when standing up for the same cause. In a country where a father demanding the truth about the milk product poisoning of his own son got jail time for “eliciting social disorder”, to stand up for even a single issue, no matter how small that issue is, requires courage that I’m not sure I have.

I can’t ask anyone to do anything I may not be able to do myself.

And this is why I, too, have chosen to support these people, even if many of them are single-issue activists, even when many support the Chinese government on other issues that matter. For example, the late Dr Li Wenliang, one of the eight COVID whistleblowers in China who passed away from the disease, was an opponent of the Hong Kong Protest, but I still (greatly) appreciate, respect him for what he did. As long as they’re not actively helping the government to cause (more) harm to others, as long as their cooperation with their government falls within what is demanded of them as citizens, they have my support. Why? Because most people who speak out in China cannot afford to stand up for more than one cause before it becomes dangerous for them. Because even if it’s only a tiny vulnerable social group, one small minority that makes a tiny step towards more rights, more freedoms, more justice, it’s still a victory in a country where rights, freedoms and justice are luxury items for those with neither political nor economic power. Because those who’re not part of the ruling class cannot afford to cherry pick their allies, cannot afford to in-fight when the ruling class already holds absolute power. Because I still believe in pay-it-forward, that most people who’ve benefited from someone standing up for them, even for one small incident, one minor cause, is more likely to stand up for someone else.

This is, admittedly, not always an easy choice to make—not for me, at least. I do get frustrated, can’t help but think at times that those who subscribe to and spread propaganda are, to a certain extent, corroborators of the atrocities committed by their government. (So, to those who’ve felt this frustration, you’re not alone!). And the Hong Konger in me has every reason to be furious with everything about China right now—all I could think of, when I listened to Gg singing 異鄉人 Foreigner the other night, are all the Hong Kongers fleeing the city now, as refugees, because of their political beliefs.

But for now, I’m hanging on. I’ve been able to tell myself that given the country’s political reality, given its tradition of collectivism (which tends to view confrontational dissent with scorn), the paths to freedoms, to equal rights and acceptance, will not be the same as what I’ve seen, what I’ve wished for. They’ll likely be slow; They’ll likely be long and winding, taking three steps forward and two steps back; they’d likely be unexpected in places, offer us surprises —

And since it’s Chinese New Year / Valentines and I’m feeling brave (irresponsible?), I’d venture a little bit of speculation and say this ~ yes, I’ve wondered if one of these many paths may be trodden, intentionally or not, by two beautiful male idols and their millions of turtles. Is it wishful, fantastical thinking? I’d be the first to admit the answer is yes. But the BJYX scheme has been so well executed as of now, so effective that I can’t help but wonder if it’s leading towards some sort of a goal, whether devised by the humans involved or by the gods/Fates who, as c-turtles have said so romantically, have been writing an original BL story with our favourite boys. The goal may be personal —simply two people being able to act more like themselves again under the spotlight—or a bit more ambitious…

… Because the sneakers + ice-cream post did catch my attention (will probably have to devote a post on that?). Another small incident that has caught my attention, unrelated to Gg and Dd but can significantly change the path they may be trodding, is this — in June 2020, People’s Daily, the state controlled newspaper, boasted its country’s increasing friendliness towards the LGBT+ communities on Twitter . While the tweet was met with skepticism and soon removed, the message it sent is this: the Chinese government may have figured out the the Western world (in particular, the younger generations) view LGBT+ rights as a measure of progressiveness. While I’m still leaning towards the government maintaining a tight grip on LGBT+ rights within its borders, with the strengthening call to boycott 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics because of the country’s poor human rights record, I can see a glimmer of possibility that the same government may do the unexpected and cater to the queer community for the sake of propaganda. As I mentioned, the queer community hasn’t caused much headache for the Chinese government, and so it’s far more likely to be chosen as the “benefactors” of such a “we’re a human rights champion too!” propaganda campaign than, say, ethnic minorities and political dissidents. Promoting dissemination of core socialist values has always sat high on the CCP’s agenda list, and its target audience has always included foreign, non-Chinese populations; this effort is known as 大外宣—“The Great External Propaganda”. And who better to cast as leads of an international propaganda campaign on LGBT+ rights than two of its own stars who’ve already demonstrated loyalty to the government, who’ve already garnered international fame from a TV series widely viewed as queer, and who may actually be queer?

(And if—if!!!— this ever happens, may I ask everyone to please consider doing the following? Please do not feel a need to express gratitude. Please do not act as though it’s a gift. Celebrate as you would celebrate anyone in a free country exercising their birthright to live, to love the way they want — no less than that, no more than that.)

(For those who’ve asked ~ as international fans, not allowing the CCP to modify our expectations of how a government should behave may be one of the most effective ways to protect Gg and Dd.)

(I call this learning from the best: get the goods we want (more rights for the people in China), refuse to pay the cost (subscribe to CCP’s propaganda), and RUN! ❤️💛💚)

#pie metas #yizhan #bjyx #pie answers

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thetypedwriter · 3 years

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Gideon the Ninth Book Review

Gideon the Ninth Book Review by Tamsyn Muir

It would be only a slight hyperbole to say that a million people have either recommended this book to me or have told me to read it. I’ve heard for years now that this book is incredible and extremely well written and beloved by many. So, if that’s the case why did I wait so long to read it?

I don’t have a good answer. Sometimes a book is on your radar, but either the time isn’t right, other books take priority, or in my case, it’s adult fiction and I held slight trepidation that I wouldn’t love it as much as everyone else in the world seemed to.

Thank goodness, that didn’t end up being the case and I’ll get into why in a moment.

First, Gideon the Ninth has the most amazing descriptive sentence belonging on any front cover of any book ever.

I shall put it here for prosperity and awe: “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space!” -Charles Stross.

Now, I don’t know who you are Mr. Stross, but that has to be the best sentence written in the English language since its conception. If that isn’t enough intrigue for you to crack open the novel then I truly don’t know what is or what it would take.

That being said, Mr. Stross wasn’t entirely accurate, but that’ll be clear soon enough.

The novel surrounds our main protagonist, Gideon Nav, or, known as Gideon the Ninth, the primary cavalier to the Ninth House necromancer. Essentially, this world takes place in a different solar system with its own sun star known as Dominicus as well as nine planets also known as the Nine Houses.

Each House has a specific specialty for what is known for, and as summarized helpfully, but also overwhelmingly, at the beginning of the novel, the Ninth House is also known as the keepers of the Locked Tomb, House of the Sewn Tongue, and home to the Black Vestals.

This meant nothing to me at the beginning and quite truthfully, I still struggled to remember throughout the novel who belonged to the Third House, or the Fifth and what that quite meant, as once again, each House has a reputation and expected skill set that precedes them.

Not to say that it was poorly written because it wasn’t. Muir just has a lot of characters with specific titles and while she actually does quite a good job of categorizing them and helpfully reminding you who is who, I still struggled with just the sheer amount of information and people.

Normally, this would be a massive criticism, like it was with the cast of characters in Lore but in this case it’s not Muir’s fault. She’s giving me all the information necessary to understand. It was just my brain that struggled trying to recognize and categorize everyone. If anything, I’m excited to re-read Gideon the Ninth and have it sink in like a second skin eventually.

Having this large cast of characters, the book revolves around each of the Nine Houses (except for the First House) sending their best necromancer, a wielder of both thanergy (death energy) and thalergy (life energy) in the form of a House Adept, someone who is able to wield this kind of energy either in bone magic, flesh magic, or spirit magic.

In accompaniment, each Necromancer Adept has a primary Cavalier, a trained fighter that is both protector, companion, and often, necessary energy suppliers to their Adept in both horrendous and acceptable ways.

The goal of these pairs, having been sent to the First planet, is to become a Lyctor, an immortal servant to the Undying Emperor. The catch is that once the Necromancers and their Cavaliers arrive on the First, the shuttle departs and they are trapped in an abandoned, dilapidated, once-regal and great mansion that boasts hundreds of floors, secret doors, and mystery upon mystery.

Each pair expects a streamlined process to Lyctorhood once they arrive, a methodical procedure, perhaps some training, and ultimately a test. What they don’t expect is a mellow man by the name of Teacher that claims to know nothing about the process himself, but is the overseer of the First.

What follows is a mind-boggling search to become a Lyctor and unravel the mysteries of the haunted palace. What the pairs don’t expect is the death of their own, gruesome murders at the hand of someone in their very own positions and an evil danger beyond any of their imagination lurking in the mansion.

This novel was a great concoction of mystery, action, interpersonal relationships, character growth, dazzling descriptions, and world building.

The world of Dominicus and the Nine Houses is expansive and rich, something that I haven’t been able to sink my teeth into, and not for lack of trying, but because it is so deep and so layered that I simply need to take several bites to get it all down.

The mystery is fulfilling and strangely, to me at least, reminiscent of a game called Danganronpa. If you know what that is, and even if you don’t, it centers around the idea of a murder mystery, but where the killer is one of your own and the mystery is trying to figure out not ony the who, but the why of what they are doing, amongst a slew of other deadly riddles.

Gideon the Ninth is the same. As people continue to get picked off and brutally murdered, as a reader you find yourself trying to puzzle out not only who, but why someone would commit such atrocities and the motivation behind it.

The plot itself of Gideon the Ninth was extremely satisfying and alluring. There were times where I personally found that novel bogged down with excessive description, but it was usually broken up with Gideon’s personal brand of crass humor, a very much needed breather with the expansive exposition, that, while extremely well done, well researched, and well written, did get a tad boring from time to time for me personally, even if it allowed for clear imagery as well as adding to already well formed world building.

In addition to the plot, all of the characters were well done and as fleshed out as they could be considering the amount of characters involved. First, even though this is set in a fantasy sci-fi setting, each of the characters seemed realistic and like they could potentially be real people.

A large criticism of books I often have, especially in YA, is that the characters often come across like caricatures, and not real flesh and blood humans with both positive and negative qualities.

Each character, some developed more than others, have both flaws and strengths, even the main characters, which I highly appreciated. Not only does it make the story more real and palatable, but it also is just more interesting to read about as it’s actually based in humanity and the nature of human beings rather than some perfect carbon copy of one.

Gideon as a narrator was hilarious. She was often crass, blunt, horny, humorous and ignorant. But on the other hand, she was also an extremely talented fighter, actually very sweet deep down, forgiving, and loving.

This mix in a main character was a welcome one in addition to making Gideon feel like a real person, despite all the bone magic and necromancy, and often her thought process and dialogue made me laugh out loud.

Another main character, Harrowhark Nonagesimus (What a name!) is Gideon’s Necromancer and main companion. She’s bitter, rude, spiteful, and ruthless. She’s also hardworking, intelligent, and stubborn.

If you’re catching the pattern here, Muir isn’t just writing archetypes and passing them off as characters. She’s writing complex and nuanced personalities that are intriguing and interesting and well developed.

I could get into the other plethora of characters like Camila, Dulcinea, Palamedes, Magnus, Judith and so on, but this review would be a thousand pages long so I’ll just settle for saying that every character was well done and lovingly crafted and not one of them, even the annoying ones, were characters that I hated.

One important thing to note was Muir’s writing itself. It was incredible. Such descriptions! Such characterization! Such detail! Such vocabulary! I was supremely impressed with her writing as a whole and often found myself having to look up words that I had never heard of in my life (always a welcome change of pace). I was blown away by her sheet talent and creativity.

The last two things I have to note might get me in trouble.

One, the ending for me was...bittersweet. For fear of spoiling someone, I won’t get into details, but I found it both lacking and simultaneously making absolute sense. I wanted both more and yet, found that everything was just enough. It’s hard to put into words, but if you know, you know.

I do have a slightly sinking feeling though that the ending twist will somehow be undone in the sequel. I don’t know if this is true (although I will eventually find out), and I can’t decide if I’m going to be happy or dismayed by it.

Such conflicting feelings are in of itself homage to Muir’s skill as a writer and the complexities of her tale.

Lastly, the one aspect that might get me into the stickiest of predicaments: Harrowhark’s and Gideon’s relationship. I don’t know if I like it or not. On the one hand, I absolutely love it. It's a hate-to-love slow burn, which really is the only way an OTP makes its way into my heart. I love that they’re so different and yet so compatible, one flesh and one blood and all that other nonsense.

They see each other as equals, as adversaries, and I adore that dynamic in any pairing. I also love the F/F representation of some badass women and that they’re not traditionally attractive and beautiful.

One of my favorite lines came from the end of the book where Gideon describes Harrowhark’s face as, “bitter” and “hateful”. I just love when characters aren’t conventionally gorgeous and yet beautiful in the eyes of the beholder and all that jazz.

Now. Onto the problems.

Harrowhark’s and Gideon’s relationship is kinda...toxic? It grows into something less so, but it definitely starts off that way. I really hate imbalances of power of any kind and Harrowhark definitely has power over Gideon, power that she creully abuses. I asked myself: if Harrowhark was a man and treated Gideon so abysmally for years, and then Gideon eventually forgave him and loved him despite everything, would I think differently?

And the answer is yes, yes I would.

Is that fair? Probably not. But I can’t help but think how the dynamics change with the two of them being women, and how in my opinion, I think more is forgiven of Harrowhark because of it, even when it’s not deserved.

Now, Harrowhark is a complex character and has traumas of her own, but I just can’t help but think of all the things she did to Gideon and the things she took away from her and forced her to do and then think of them together and it’s...not great.

Overall, my feelings on their relationship are complicated (which is a repeated pattern when it comes to Muir’s writing) and I don’t mind that it’s complicated, it makes it interesting, but I also would be bereft to mention it here. I look forward to seeing how it develops and if my feelings change and grow on the matter as well.

In total, Gideon the Ninth is a fantastic read. It has everything you want inlaid with characters who not only push the plot along, but incentivize you to read more. It has complicated issues and complicated characters, but that means it’s nuanced and complex and juicy enough to bite into.

Don’t do what I did and wait years for this novel. If you need a good read, you don’t need to look any further and then let yourself be swept along for the necromantic ride.

Recommendation: “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space!” -Charles Stross. I mean. Come on people, what more can you ask for?

Score: 8/10

#gideon the 9th #gideon the ninth #tamsyn muir #harrowhark nonagesimus #adult fiction #book blog #book review #Book Recommendations #book rec #favorite books #LGBTQ fiction #lgbtqbook #F/F books #F/F romance #8/10

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kiisaes · 4 years

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my favorite bnha ships o(≧∇≦o)

i’m a multishipper (as impossible as that sounds, since i literally ONLY post bkdk LMAO) so i thought i’d make a post documenting my favorite bnha ships! keep in mind that even if i don’t list a ship, it doesn’t necessarily mean i hate it, it’s just not one of my favorites

thought i’d do this to spread some more positivity!!! bnha’s got plenty of cool ships!!! i’m also making this so that if you absolutely hate a ship i list, you can spare yourself the trouble and unfollow and/or not interact :^)

it’s 3 am. expect incoherent rambling. (these are in no particular order btw!)

BAKUDEKU

do i have to explain this. at all. KJDFJD

i’ve actually always loved this relationship, literally the moment the two were introduced, but i had to grow to love them in a more intimate sense, if you get me... i love bakudeku’s dynamic -- it takes the enemies to lovers trope to the absolute limits and enemies to lovers is already one of my favorites! i think the fact that they have such a deep history together while simultaneously having such a rough and complicated middle school relationship really boosts their potential to improve in the future :’)

basically the entire series puts a huge emphasis on their development and how even the worst relationships with the worst communications and the worst personalities can still come out triumphant!!! i especially like how their relationship focuses so much on airing out the bad while simultaneously tackling the good, and how despite their differences they’re still one of the strongest duos.

their lives are so intertwined, they have been from the very start, and i can’t wait to see them finally overcome their obstacles and stand side by side!!! they are the rawest form of soulmates to me; their relationship is some real cinematic poetry ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐

(also, the second bkdk fight that occurs in s3 is still my number 1 favorite scene in the series HAHA)

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TODODEKU

this was my first bnha ship!!! it holds a place very dear in my heart :’)

though i don’t draw this one nearly as much anymore (which is hilarious given how it used to be my absolute #1 favorite), i enjoy their unproblematic, helpful relationship! their dynamic’s all about healing and self-realization and it’s so symbiotic and it makes my heart go aflutter!

there’s so many scenes that i enjoy between the two, since they’re both so chaotic in their own ways, but its in the way where they enable each others’ chaos and it ends up being largely entertaining. regardless, their overall respect for one another is also super cute, even when they’re not yelling and acting way too instinctively LOL

whenever i want some cute fluff art between two fluff boys, my go-to is usually tododeku :) i always feel at ease when they’re together!

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KIRIBAKU

similarly to tododeku, i really found myself enjoying this one when the second half of s1 and most of s2 happened! they’ve got a really fun relationship full of mutual respect and admiration (/^▽^)/

i particularly like how kirishima is the first person bakugou sees as “on his level”, if that makes any sense! i also like all good things to happen to kirishima, because he deserves it!!!

there’s plenty of scenes where the two of them are being so casually touchy and it’s really cute <3 there’s little drama in this one, but sometimes you need a ship with little drama!

and yeah, the hand-hold scene from kamino still lives in my head rent-free

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KIRIMINA

(there’s no gifs of them from the anime...!)

originally i didn’t really care for this ship, because i thought it was a little tacky putting one warm-color-haired character with another warm-color-haired character, but i was so wrong! these two are so adorable, and especially after reading kirishima’s backstory in the manga and how he was so inspired by ashido’s inherent “manliness”, i couldn’t help but fall for their cuteness!!! <333

i’ve always loved the thought of kirishima dying his hair because of ashido, and even adding the little horn-like spikes thanks to ashido’s horns. SO CUTE!!! AAAAAAA

also, a fic that i read a while back actually helped me appreciate this ship as well! i can’t remember the name though o(_ _;o)

anyway, despite not being one of my favorites at first, they’re definitely one of my favorites now!!!

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TODOBAKU

i love these two idiots so much LOL

their personalities are so starkly different -- stoic, calm princely boy x literal ball of rage -- but they manage to work really well together, both on and off the field. i especially like how their relationship starts sour, but unlike bakudeku, they don’t really have to go through too much to get on the same page (due to not having a prior relationship).

i also really like how bakugou claims he doesn’t want to be friends with todoroki, but todoroki is all for being friends with bakugou and almost purposefully uses that to tease bakugou. please give me more snarky todoroki!!! d=(´▽｀)=b

i hope there will be more todobaku moments, because todoroki’s total denseness is so entertaining against bakugou’s trigger-happy sensitivity and i love watching them be stupid together.

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KIRIDEKU

(THERE’S EVEN LESS KIRIDEKU GIFS!!! NOOOOOO!!! well, please enjoy this lovely gif here by pumpkincalico!)

kirideku is just a really pure ship of mine -- it’s two sunshine boys paired up to create the ultimate sunshine!!!

i don’t really have a whole lot of deep analysis for them, because from what i’m aware of, they don’t have a lot of narrative significance. however, that doesn’t matter to me because i think it’s so cute that kirishima clearly thinks deku is super manly and cool and expresses his admiration for him all the time!

i think their relationship would be full of lots of smiles and pro hero fanboying :’)

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KAMIJIROU

these two are the classic “calm, cool and collected x total dumbass” ship that i absolutely adore <3 this dynamic used to be one of my absolute favorites when i was younger, but i still really love it now and kamijirou is the perfect example of it!!!

i love how kaminari helps jirou gain confidence in herself and her talents, whereas jirou helps kaminari gain confidence in his quirk and his usefulness in battle! because these two round each other out in that sense; jirou is relatively proficient in her quirk and kaminari is pretty sound in himself as a whole, so they help each other with the aspects that they’re not so confident in!

or maybe i’m just looking too into it. who knows! i just really love their mutually beneficial dynamic (´∀｀)♡

(also, they get bonus points for both being music people and being major players in their band! that’s so cute!)

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MOMOJIROU

basically my thought process behind this one is “jirou has two hands but they’re both holding momo’s hands”

they’re canonically good friends, which i think is just so adorable, but they’re also always hanging out regardless of the scenario! i also enjoy their taller gf, shorter gf duo, not to mention their clash in styles (elegant and intelligent x spunky and individualistic)! <3

i don’t have a whole lot to say about this one, i just really enjoy how their differences match really well with each other.

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BAKUKAMI

i don’t know how i grew to like this one. but i just do

stupid blond x explosive blond. when put together you maximize the chaos and the panic. also, kaminari canonically calls bakugou “kacchan”, which is normally a name only deku uses. that’s my defense!!!

there’s absolutely no reason for me to enjoy this ship as much as i do, but i just DO. SO. YEAH.

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IIDAOCHA

(i have no idea what their ship name is, i just searched up iida x ochako and that name seemed to appear???)

i like them in the same way as someone would like ron x hermione: the main female character falls for the second guy instead of the lead. at least, that’s the connection i get when i ship these two HAHA

anyway, i really like their aesthetic dynamic, namely square x circle, because that’s absolutely adorable!!! and the fact that they’re good friends and trust/respect each other mutually is also super cute <3

out of all the ships that include these two, this one is my favorite （*’∀’人）♥

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IIDATODO

(again i couldn’t find a gif from the anime itself so here’s a lovely one by crackncheesy!)

i have NO clue how i ended up liking this one but i think they’re really cute together??? they are around each other a lot since they’re members of the dekusquad, and i just think their personalities would be this soft mishmash of a relationship????? if that makes ANY sense

i can’t really explain this one, i just really like it hehe

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KIRIKAMI

ketchup x mustard!!! red light x yellow light!!! dumbass x dumbass!!!

they’re usually bros in my head, but i equally adore when they’re stupid boyfriends together. it’s what both of them deserve! (*≧▽≦)

this is also a small thing, but i also like their clash in body types, since kirishima is naturally stockier and kaminari is naturally slimmer. it’s the little things, lol

anyway, i really like their duo and the potential to see them as something more!

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MIRITAMA

they’re so cute!!! the official childhood friends to lovers ship in bnha!!!

i really don’t feel like i need to explain myself here, the series really made it obvious that these two have such a beautiful friendship and care for each other so deeply! i’m always a fan of ships where someone inspires the other so much, they change their life, and miritama takes that to new heights!!! (≧∇≦*)

aside from their clearly differing personalities, i also enjoy their complimentary designs -- mirio is light, amajiki is dark... the fact that even their facial features and their body types contrast is just such seamless character design and it makes me so happy inside <3

anyway i don’t talk about the third years much because i’m not as well-versed in bnha post-s3, but i just really love their relationship!

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ok that’s it!!! there’s probably way more ships that i adore that i’m missing but it’s 4 am now and i really cannot be thinking harder than i already was when i wrote this up so please enjoy and thanks for reading B)

#bnha #mha #bakudeku #tododeku #kiribaku #kirimina #todobaku #kirideku #kamijirou #momojirou #bakukami #iidaocha #iidatodo #kirikami #miritama #bnha ships #becki rambles about stuff

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nelllraiser · 3 years

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sharks and strippers | group birthday chatzy

LOCATION: a frozen pond in the forest. PARTIES: @chasseurdeloup, @divineluce, @beatrice-blaze, @whatsin-yourhead, @connorspiracy, @phoenixleah, @notsoharsh, @corpse--diem, @detectivedreameater, @letsbenditlikebennett, @halequeenjas, @walker-journal, @seizethecarpe, Jack SUMMARY: nell’s birthday party has a surprise guest.

It was technically still two days until Nell's birthday, but with that actual day of celebration stuck right in the middle of the full moon and during the beginning of the work week, it had made much more sense to have the party today. The three Vural girls had pooled their magic to freeze over the pond they'd found to make a suitable outdoor ice skating rink, and hired someone to rent out skates for those that needed them. Fairy lights were hung around the perimeter of the new ice rink, and not all that far away was a bonfire pit already stacked with wood and marshmallows for s'mores nestled into the surrounding snow. Somewhere nearby was a speaker to play some music to skate along to, but perhaps most important was the little tent and table where guests could find an assortment of alcohol. Whoever said intoxication didn't mix well with ice skating hadn't watched their friends hilariously fall on their asses countless times. The spicy aroma of mulled wine and hot toddy filled the air along with irish coffee. In addition to the winter drink staples there were also the typical options for the more traditional. As she waited for others to arrive, Nell paced by the edge of the rink, realizing perhaps a bit too late that a magical invitation might not be all that intuitive for everyone receiving it. "You don't think they'll get lost, right? I mean- if you saw a golden trail come from an invitation you'd follow it, wouldn't you?" she asked.

Kaden wasn’t really up for a party, but this was for Nell. And the invitation was from Bea. So he’d make a brief appearance. Plus, it was a decent distraction. Might as well. And he knew it would be a sight to see. He ripped the invitation, followed the golden light and ended up in the middle of the woods. Of course they made it a magical invite. It took a while to get there, but none of it felt like the middle of the woods. It was decorated to the nines, as expected. He dropped his present off at the table that looked like it was meant for that sort of thing and saw the set up for alcohol. His first stop. Easily.

Luce leaned against one of the tables that had been set up, her hands tucked in the pockets of her jeans as she stared at the ice skating rink she and her sisters had put together. The effort had taken more out of her than she'd thought it would and, right now? She just wanted to sit down. She didn't even really want to be here. But, after all the shit she'd put Nell through, she had to be here. It wouldn't be fair to Nell if she wasn't here at least pretending like she was enjoying the party. Wandering over to the drink station, she made herself an Irish coffee and took a sip from it. Fuck that was good. They might not have access to the family bank account anymore, but they could still throw a good party. "We're witches. They'll figure it out." Luce said with a shake of her head. "Happy Birthday, Nellie." She added, doing her best to smile in a way that she hoped was convincing.

"I think you're overthinking things," Bea told her sister with an amused smile. "If they don't find it with that, they'll hear the people eventually. Or they can just call one of us. They have my phone number." She went over to the tent with the alcohol,"What do you guys want? I'm getting an Irish coffee." She would be skating drunk later and no one would be able to convince her not to.

The invitation was a little strange. Remmy had fiddled with it for a while before realizing that it was asking them to literally rip the piece of paper in half. As soon as they put that together, they realized that was definitely a very Nell thing to do. Or maybe it was just witches that would do stuff like this. They wondered if Morgan had ever done a fancy invitation thing like this, as they followed the trail through the trees and came upon a lake, frosted over. Nell was there, and they spotted Bea and Luce as well, waving over to them and giving a slow trot over. "Hey! Happy birthday Nell!" they said, trying their hardest to stay bright and happy. They didn't need to think about other stuff right now. Held out the card they'd made her. "Sorry it's not much."

Connor had been happy to receive the invitation to Nell's birthday, but that had led to his tiny dilemma of what to get as a gift. He'd asked Bea for some ideas and brainstormed based on what he knew about her. She seemed the sort of person who would just get whatever she wanted regardless. Ultimately he'd decided on a punny t-shirt that had a cactus on the front with 'Don't Be A Prick' written under it and a six month cactus subscription service so Nell could try out a bunch of different types. He wrapped up warm, like Bea had suggested, following the trail to the party. He put the gift on the gift table, looking around for someone he knew before heading to the bar where he ordered a simple beer. "Hey," he greeted, recognizing Kaden, and recognizing Bea's photo from her online account.

As the invitation led Leah to Nell's party, Leah couldn't help but feel equal parts excited and anxious. It was always a blast to celebrate with the Vurals, but the rumors that they were going to be ice skating had her worried about exposure. She wasn't cold at all, but she was still wearing her heaviest coat, gloves, and a hat. She made her way right to the alcohol tent, knowing full well that's where Bea would be. "Surprise me", she said with a grin, still holding Nell's present under her arm. "Where's the birthday girl?"

As people began to filter towards the party, it seemed that Luce's and Bea's words had come true. With an instantaneous wave at those arriving, Nell greeted everyone with a wide and eager smile, just happy that people had showed up. "Hi guys! Thanks," she said to everyone that greeted her, already bouncing towards the bar where people were seeming to gather. "I'm glad you guys are getting your alcohol before you get on the ice. Then it can be my gift to watch all of you fall." In a moment she was grabbing her own drink in the form of a hot toddy, having already asked for it before the festivities began.

Harsh lurked in the shade, waiting for the sun to dip just a bit more. At least it was getting dark earlier and earlier now. He wouldn't have to wait too much longer to grace Nell's party with his presence. He ripped open the invitation, blinking at the sudden spill of golden light. Witches, they always had the best toys. He followed it, careful to still stick to shady patches where he could find them, just in case the setting sun had it out for him. It didn't take too long to wander his way to the end of the golden path. He dropped his small, neatly wrapped present off with the others before glancing around, grinning when he spotted Nell. He lifted a hand in a little wave before heading over to inspect the booze.

Kaden gave Connor a small wave as he ordered a hot toddy. "I see you all went all out," he said to the sisters. "I expected nothing less." He recognized a number of familiar faces and expected more would file in as the night went on. "Have to say, I'm worried about the ice skating. Did you bring magical first aid kits out here, too? You might need them."

“There’s no location,” Erin pointed out as she inspected the invitation. Keys in hand, jacket on, present in tow, she was ready to head out the door when she realized this one crucial piece of information. How did she miss that when she’d originally received it or when she had made the initial RSVP with Bea? She started out the door anyway, pulling her phone out, hovering over the older Vural sister’s phone number again. “Are you ready to go?” She called back to Marley, narrowing her eyes, scanning the invitation for the fiftieth time. With all the heaviness surrounding them lately, Erin had actually been looking forward to this. She dialed the number and shrugged at Marley as she waited. “I think there’s a typo or something. I'm calling Bea now,” she said, holding it out to her.

Marley picked up the invitation handed to her and read it over once, before rolling her eyes and looking up at Erin. "It literally says right here to rip it in half," she answered, not waiting for Erin to say anything before taking the paper and ripping it straight in half. She handed the two pieces back to Erin before pulling on her jacket. "There better be alcohol at this party," she mumbled, "I don't do parties without alcohol."

Connor smiled over at Nell. "Darling, people are going to be falling arse over tit by the time this is over. If watching people fall is your idea of a good time, you're gonna have a hell of a birthday." He spotted Leah, giving her a grin. "Hey, thanks for the book help the other day." He glanced around. People were still trickling in. "I hardly know anyone here. Some of Nell's friends are kinda old."

Bea grinned at Kaden as her phone rang. "Hello, this is Bea, if this is about the party rip the invitation in half. It'll guide you to us. Bring a jacket too!!" She answered chriply.

Ariana had followed the little lights from the invitation with a fascinated look on her face. While magic was over her head, she found it to be too cool all the same. The little glowing lights led her up to an outdoor ice skating area. She could hear the chatter before she approached and smiled when she saw some familiar faces. She waved in Nell and Connor's direction and brightly greeted, "Happy birthday! Hope you don't mind- I dropped your gift off by your house because it would have been a pain in the ass to carry home. You'll see what I mean."

There were too many people by the alcohol. And, when Luce's choice of who to talk with were between Remmy, Kaden, Leah, some random white boy who was calling people old? Christ. No fucking thanks. Slipping away from the crowd of people, she took her steaming cup of Irish coffee and made her way over to the fire that was roaring off to the side. She didn't care much about the heat or the smores, she was just glad to be out of the fucking away. She'd hang around and make sure the fire was going. She'd do her part to make this a nice birthday for her sister. Glancing across the fire, she pointed at the sticks that were left for people to stab marshmallows on. "If you want smores, go nuts."

Nell waved over at Harsh as he greeted her, hoping the sun would set a little faster so that he'd be able to join the festivities a bit more freely. Nevertheless, she waved him over to the bar where everyone was. Laughing a little she quickly said to Connor, "Why do you think I specifically chose an ice rink? Watching my friends make fools of themselves is my dream." Then she was grinning at Ariana, waving yet again with vigor. "It's that big?" Nell chuckled curiously. "So are you gonna skate with me?"

Connor raised an eyebrow at Ari's mention of her gift. "Bruv, what do you mean? Too big? What'd you get her? A life-size sculpture of Greg the dog?" he asked with a chuckle. He lifted his beer in a small toast. "Happy birthday to Nell, happy party-day to everyone else. I'm Connor, by the way."

Jasmine decided she maybe should have worn more practical heels for this little follow the light to Nell's birthday venture. Normally, she was all about the whole being extra thing, but today, her feet were not particularly feeling it. For Nell, it was all worth it. She'd had a gift in hand that she set down on the table as she approached. She gravitated toward Bea and huffed, "Leave it to you to go all out down to the invitation, Beatrice." She scanned the crowd and waved at a few familiar faces.

Ariana tried to muster her most serious face as she answered Connor's joke. "Obviously. What else would I have made Nell for her birthday?" At Nell's mention of skating, she lit up. Given most of her skating past had included playing hockey, but skating just for skating's sake was always fun too. "You don't have to ask me twice. I love ice skating."

Harsh glanced around, finding a few familiar faces. Huh, it really was a small world. Or a small town, whatever. He followed Nell's wave, casually keeping himself out of the sun. There were enough shadowed spots that it shouldn't be too obvious. "Thanks for the invite, it's pretty cool out here." Trying to catch Kaden's eye, he gave him a little nod. "Hey man, didn't know you were gonna be here. I really need to get out more, I can't remember the last time I went to an actual party."

Remmy,confused, watched Luce slink away and over to the fire pit. They furrowed their brow, but chose to ignore it for now, and smiled at Nell. Moose was already rolling around in the snow, happy as ever. The one person Remmy didn't recognize yet introduced himself as was Connor and they waved. "I'm Remmy," they said, nodding, "and I think I'm gonna try skating!" They backed away and headed over to the table full of skates to rent and picked out their size. They plopped down, put on their boots, and stood up. They hadn't been skating in ages, but how hard could it be? They gave a pointed glance towards Luce at the fire pit before stepping out onto the ice, watching Moose tentatively test it out before deciding to sit happily in the snow at the edge.

"I do have some magical first aid kits, just so you know. I'm prepared for a few scraps," Bea told Kaden. She looked over at Jasmine with a shrug,"You remember how her birthdays were as a kid. She deserves all out." Bea and her friends had always been the few people who came to Nell's birthday parties when she was young. Her classmates, and even the kids in the coven, had avoided Nell. Her sisters had to give Nell a good birthday, especially after how this year has gone for them.

Connor nodded, giving Remmy a smile. "Nice to meet you, mate. Once I've finished this beer, I might grab a pair of skates myself. Hopefully still got enough of my ballet co-ordination to not make an absolute dick of myself." He edged a little closer to Nell, lowering his voice. "How do you know the old people?"

Erins’ mouth gaped as she literally tore the invitation. “What are you--” Almost at the same time, Bea answered and confirmed her question before she could even say anything. Lights appeared out of thin air. “Oh. Thanks. See you soon.” Of course. Magic. That was pretty cool actually. She hung up and led the way. “We’re going to a 24 year old’s birthday party. If there’s not alcohol, I’m leaving,” she joked. Kind of. But if she thought the lights were cool, the frozen pond that definitely shouldn’t be frozen in this weather was just as cool. She moved towards the first familiar face she saw, surprised to see her realtor with Bea, as well as a few others that were less pleasant surprises. “Oh, great,” she mumbled to Marley when she saw Kaden, waving towards Bea and Jasmine. “Please tell me you see the alcohol.”

Ariana snickered to herself as she heard Connor whisper about the old people.

Leah R Sipped her sangria, eyeing the rink cautiously as she walked closer to Bea, Kaden, and Jasmine. "How good are those first aid kits at healing broken bones?" she teased playfully. There was no way she would be out there skating today, but it would be fun to watch her friends tumble over each other. She glanced at Kaden, giving him a short, tight smile, before she looked back to her friends. "That stripper dude that came to your birthday isn't coming, is he? I think it's probably too cold for a stripper."

Luce wasn't surprised by the way Remmy looked at her and she let out a sigh. This wasn't the time or place for drama. Taking another large drink from her cup, Luce looked at the fire and nudged it with magic. The flames turned a slight blue color as she helped it burn a little higher. Glancing over the firepit, she watched as Jasmine, Erin, Marley, and a few other stragglers made their way into the party. What the fuck kind of shoes was Jas wearing?

It took a quick moment to lace up her skates, and in another second Nell was making her way to the ice with her drink still in hand, beckoning the others along. Nell's snicker was quick to join Ariana's before she said, "You know old people need attention, too. If you don't pay attention to them that's how they get wrinkles." Her tone was purposefully loud enough for anyone in the vicinity to hear."

"I sure do," Marley answered, because she'd scouted out the bar table the second she'd gotten there. There were a few familiar faces around, including Langley, of course, but she really didn't care. She didn't exactly want to be here in the first place, but Erin had bullied her into going, and she did kind of like the littlest Vural. Even if she was annoying. Mostly. She split away from Erin and headed towards the bar table, not waiting for her, sunglasses snug on her face. The sun was bright and it was making her head hurt to look at, and this place had just the cure. "Mexican coffee," she said, pointing at the tequila and then the big pot of coffee. "Put a little extra love in it, too."

Jack hadn't expected to be invited back to an event by a Vural after the last time, and definitely not socially rather than as a performer. As he eyed the ice and his breath curling in the cool air, he was kind of glad of that though. He couldn't quite show off his incredible abs and biceps to the crowd in his coat, but there was no amount of clothing that could hide his immaculate silhouette. He slid over to the bar with a casual grace. "Hey Bea, how are you doing?"

Jasmine nodded as she remembered Nell's birthday parties when they were kids. She never quite understood why other kids didn't show up but she was glad Nell got to have something this special now. Even if she did have to walk out here in heels. Skates would actually be a nice change of pace. "Point taken. Next time just warn a girl and she'll wear chunkier heels." She nudged Bea's arm jokingly and gave Kaden a wave. She was just going to gloss over the fact she thought he was a stripper up until a couple of weeks ago. She smiled brightly as Erin approached and said, "You could not be more right, Erin. I need a glass of wine."

Kaden gave Harsh a nod back. "Yeah, I've been friends with Bea for a while now. Nell's had to put up with me at enough dinners over at their house. Guess that earned me an invite." In truth, he cared about Nell, too, but admitting that was different. "How do you know the Vurals?" He blinked in confusion as he saw the stripper from the last party walk in. It was... outdoors. And cold. There was no way they were going to be subjected to this again. At least no one was asking him to strip. Again. For now. Putain. "I think I'm going to need more alcohol for this."

Connor snickered, lightly elbowing Nell. "Oh, better make sure you give them all the attention then. Especially that truck-sized man over there." He could see the sheer size of the man's muscles even beneath the layers of clothing. "Is that Remmy person cool? I'm trying to decide how long is socially acceptable to wait before I ask to pet their dog."

"Not good at all," Bea replied. She wished she could drag her friend out there, but the risk of her breaking wouldn't be worth it. "You could hang out of the edge of the pond? We could try to skate around there if you wanted." She let out a soft laugh as Leah spoke,"I invited him actually. He's sweet and here he comes now!" She grinned at Jack,"Hi! I'm great, so glad you can come! How are you?" She looked over to Jas quickly,"Try the mulled wine! Jack, do you want something to drink?"

Harsh couldn't bite back a laugh. "Wait, you had a stripper at your party? Okay, I clearly need to party with you more often." He turned his smile toward Leah. "Hey, don't think we've met, I'm Harsh." Looking back toward Kaden, he shrugged. "Nell and I hang out sometimes, I haven't spent too much time with the others though. I guess now's a good time to change that."

Jasmine laughed al Nell spoke more loudly. "Yeah, if you don't believe in the old people. They just wither and wrinkle away." She shot a glance over in the area Kaden, Erin, and Bea were standing. She shrugged and looked over to Remmy and asked, "Hey, do you mind if we pet your dog?"

Ariana laughed al Nell spoke more loudly. "Yeah, if you don't believe in the old people. They just wither and wrinkle away." She shot a glance over in the area Kaden, Erin, and Bea were standing. She shrugged and looked over to Remmy and asked, "Hey, do you mind if we pet your dog?"

"Oh hey!" Nell exclaimed as she spotted the enormous man seemingly appear out of thin air which was...quite a feat for someone so large. "Have you met, Kaden?" she asked, pointing towards the man in question. "I think he's actually looking into the stripping business if you have any tips for him," she said in a hushed tone to Jack. Then she turned back to Connor. "Yeah, Remmy is great! And if Moose isn't working I'm sure they'd be fine if you asked to pet him. He's a good boy." Then she turned to Ariana, trying to tug her friend towards the ice with her.

Leah shrugged, not at all put off by not being able to participate in the more physical activities that her friends enjoyed. She was used to it, honestly. "I'll just hang onto the side if I get the urge", she teased, right before her eyes went wide at Bea's next words. "You, invited him? Are you buds with an immaculately sculpted stripper now?" Leah felt heat rise to her face at the idea of it, remembering how forward the man had been at Bea's party. A stranger's introduction was the perfect excuse to calm herself down from the embarrassment. "I'm Leah,” she said with a smile, shaking his hand. She wondered if her body heat crept through her gloves. "I'm good friends with Nell's sister, haven't missed one of her birthday parties yet." She smiled as she looked around at the other members of the party, most of whom she'd met at least once before. "Everyone here is pretty cool, mostly anywhere. There are a few stragglers", she said, her gaze falling to Kaden.

Connor nodded a hello to the other person close-by that he didn't know, who had introduced himself as Harsh. Ariana, in true form, wasn't shy about asking about the gigantic Leonberger. "Well, I don't see a vest on him, so I guess it's okay to ask." People were heading towards the ice, so he decided to go and rent some skates too.

A long, elongated shadow moved under parts of the ice, bumping against the ice occasionally.

Bea pointed at the ice and laughed, "Look, a shark."

“You and me both,” Erin grinned at Jasmine. “I didn’t know the whole town knew the Vurals.” She wasn’t surprised to see Marley already ordering something for herself and followed suit to the table and ordered a glass for herself. “I thought this was supposed to be a kid’s party?” She joked, watching the crowd. Not that she was complaining. She leaned closer to Jasmine, smirking, lowering her voice like she was sharing a secret. “Also, did I overhear someone say there’s a stripper?”

Luce tossed a fresh couple of logs onto the fire and brushed the bits of bark off her hand. Walking away, she made her way back towards the ice, moving past Leah, Jasmine, and Bea. Raising an eyebrow at Leah's words and pointed glance at Kaden, she raised her eyebrows. As she neared the edge of the ice, Luce frowned. There was a dark shadow under the ice-- what? What the fuck was that? Looking over at her sister, Luce rolled her eyes. "It's probably just a piece of driftwood." She said, though she kept her eyes focused on the strange shape.

Connor turned his head at the mention of the word 'shark', furrowing his brow. "Oh, nah, not more White Crest bullshit. It's a birthday party, bro."

Nell saw the shadow moving beneath, and for a quick second wondered whether Ma'al's tentacley ass had decided to make an appearance. Was that cult appropriate? "Maybe it's Squidward," she chuckled, remembering the demon who had lived in the lake.

Jasmine tilted her head and gave Leah a questioning look as he gaze implied Kaden wasn't cool. She barely refrained from asking about it in the moment. Instead, she smiled brightly at Jack. "It's nice to have you here as a guest." Though she did slightly prefer his stripping attire. "Mulled wine it is." She agreed with Erin and said, "They really do, but it's good to see a familiar face. How do you know the Vurals?" She laughed at the mention of there being alcohol and a stripper at a kids' party.

Remmy stopped in the middle of the rink at the mention of 'shark' and glanced around their feet. They noticed the shadow swimming around under them then over to the edge. "Is that, like-- possible? Is he okay? Do you think he's scared?" they asked, skating over to the edge back near Moose and trying to scrape away some ice with the pick of their skate. "Should we do something!?" they asked worriedly.

Kaden rolled his eyes at Leah's pointed comment towards him. What he did to piss her off other than existing, he didn't fucking know. At least he knew why Marley and Erin disliked him. That was good and earned. His brow furrowed at the mention of a fucking shark in the pond. "Only in goddamn White Crest. What is it?" he asked as he approached the ice, drink still in hand but reaching for his knife, just in case.

Bea laughed,"Are you shocked that I became friends with him? He was fun at the birthday party and I love having connections with performers." She kept her eye on the shadow, "Luce's right, it's driftwood, but I'm also right and it's a shark. Driftwood shark. Sharkwood?"

Luce glanced over at Remmy, blinking at their question. "I really don't think that it's a shark. Bea's joking. Or hitting the irish coffee too hard." As Kaden walked up, hand going to the knife on his belt, Luce scowled at him. "Stand down, Ranger Rick. It's nothing. We would have noticed if there was a damn shark in the pond." Right? They would have noticed, right?

Connor hadn't even got to the skate rental booth. He'd turned to watch what was happening with the shark. He doubted it was spiritual in nature, so an exorcist wouldn't do any good. Instead, he stood at the edge of the pond, a little ways back. "Of course Kaden's got his knife." He wasn't complaining when the guy had helped with his Snicker Snacker problem, but at a birthday party? Only in White Crest.

With everyone distracted, maybe Marley could just slip away and go home. Erin seemed to be having fun with her actual friends, anyway. The woman she was with was one Marley recognized from somewhere. Like...a post sign or an ad for something. Marley squinted at her, luckily her gaze hidden behind her glasses, but she wasn't exactly being subtle about it. She sipped her coffee and plodded a little further away, sitting near the fire pit but away from most of the others gathered around it. Where the _fuck_ did she know that woman's face from?

Nell took note of her own knives that were nearly always on her person, not pulling one out but all too willing to take a tease at Kaden despite the hypocrisy of it. "It's the only way he knows how to make friends." It was...actually somewhat true considering all the people he'd to mistakenly hunt and then befriended.

Harsh returned Leah's handshake, more than a little grateful that her gloves probably hid the fact that he was a little colder than he should have been. "Nice to meet you. If they throw a lot of parties like this, I've got to get myself invited to more." The word 'shark floating around turned Harsh's head, his brow furrowing. Well, it probably wouldn't be a White Crest party without some kind of insane nonsense. He casually sauntered a little closer to the ice, trying to catch a glimpse of the supposed shark. "Well, if it's not hurting anyone, or itself, maybe we should leave it be for a bit."

Ariana looked down at the ice and tried to decipher what was underneath it. "Doesn't look like a shark." She peered over the ice as she tried to get a better look before shrugging and deciding to skate anyway. "Come on," she motioned for Nell and Connor to join her while also laughing at the joke's at Kaden's expense.

Leah shook her head with a laugh, grinning. "Listen, I don't know why anything shocks me anymore. As long as you think he's cool and he won't give me a lap dance, I don't mind getting to know him." She tilted her head as the attention turned to a figure under the ice. "A pond shark? It's pretty unlikely". It was more likely a Selkie or a mermaid, here in White Crest. She hoped whoever froze over the pond checked for anyone alive underneath, first. She nodded at Harsh's comment. "Yes, let's let it Bea. It's probably just, uh... saying hello!"

The shadow swam another lap of the pond at unbelievable speeds, banging its tail against the ice where the crowd was.

Remmy shrugged, then, looking at Luce and then everyone else who just didn't seem to care about what was under the ice. Whatever it was, it probably was okay under there. Still a tad nervous, Remmy stood back up and skated backwards, slowly, away from Luce and towards the middle again. "Should we at least give it a little place to get out?"

Erin should have been better prepared for that question. Any which way, her connection with the Vural’s was wildly illegal. “Oh, just family friends,” she shrugged, taking a hearty sip of the mulled wine. And then another when there was sudden talk about a shark in the pond. “Sharks and strippers. Why does this feel appropriate for a Vural party?” Maybe she should have been more worried about whatever was floating down there but she couldn’t bring herself to do more than drink again. Erin glanced over at Marley and narrowed her eyes. “Are you…good?”

Connor wandered over to Jasmine, almost like a child returning to a mother's side during a time of crisis. "Hey, do they have pond sharks in White Crest?"

Jasmine vaguely noticed one of the women staring at her. It wasn't entirely uncommon, her outfit did look great. She decided to stay at the table with the alcohol at the mention of a shark in the pond. It wasn't surprising to see Harsh check it out more closely. Ever the hunter that one was. She stayed close to Bea as she had no need to see what animal was in the pond. "I don't know what it is, but I think I'll let someone else figure it out." Not a ghost, not her problem was her mentality for today. Especially with a hunter present. She still felt eyes on her so she opted to smile and wave.

Luce jumped back as the shadow moved under the ice and began to smack against the ice. "Fuck!" She swore, startled by the sudden movement and noise. Glancing over at Leah and the random dude next to her, Luce glanced around at the people who were gathered. Pond shark, or whatever the fuck it was, didn't wanna be in there. At Remmy's words, she nodded. "Yeah. That sounds like a good idea. Outta the way, people." She said before raising a hand. A small flickering blue flame appeared on the ice and began to melt through. As a hole began to form, Luce snuffed out the magic and then drove the heel of her Doc Marten into the weakened section of ice. Kicking at the ice, she broke open a small area of water and looked down at it. "Uh... shark? You there?" She asked, feeling real fucking stupid as she did.

Harsh grimaced. Alright, that probably wasn't normal. Pond sharks were one thing, but aggressive, turbo, pond sharks were probably worse. He glanced around. "Alright, maybe it's time to get off the ice." He drew a little closer, watching as Luce took charge. "We should give it some space. If it's confused, it might bite anything it gets close to."

Bea watched as she sipped her coffee. It was mainly whiskey, but she was happy with it nonetheless. Pond sharks were exciting and people seemed to be intrigued by it. "I gotta thank whoever put the shark in the pond, this is fun," She wondered if Luce did it as a surprise like Nell had hired Jack for her party.

Jasmine nodded. "Family friends, good stuff." She gave Bea a smile and explained, "I've known this lovely lady since kindergarten." Her attention turned to Connor as he approached and she gave him a pat on the shoulder, "I know the lake used to have a squid. Don't know about pond sharks."

Connor was too stupid to be scared of whatever was in the pond, and instead opted for excitedly intrigued. He sensed he was about to watch one of the Vural sisters do some magic and was thrilled at the prospect. "I love that."

"Wait, I wanna see what it is!" Nell told Ariana as she tried to skate away. "Maybe he just wants a drink..." she mused before tipping a bit of her drink onto the ice as if she were making an offering. "Here you go, Shark-Boy."

Jasmine pouted and scooted up towards the edge of the ice. "It's probably just a fish!" Maybe not in White Crest, but she wanted to skate. "Oh my god," she laughed as Nell poured out a drink on the ice. "You're really giving a whole new meaning to pouring one out for the homies."

Marley felt like her name was right on the tip of her tongue, the mystery lady at the table, but she couldn't figure it out. Grumpily, she sipped more of her coffee, finishing it off before standing up and heading over for another. While she waited, she looked at Erin, then to her companion. "I know you from somewhere, don't I?" she asked, rubbing her eyes briefly before glancing sideways at Erin. "Peachy keen," she said with a grimace, "I've got coffee and alcohol, what more could a girl want?"

Ariana pouted and scooted up towards the edge of the ice. "It's probably just a fish!" Maybe not in White Crest, but she wanted to skate. "Oh my god," she laughed as Nell poured out a drink on the ice. "You're really giving a whole new meaning to pouring one out for the homies."

Jasmine tilted her head and tried to gather if she recognized the other woman. "I don't think we've met, but I'm Jasmine. You've probably seen some of my advertisements around town." She raised her glass towards the woman and said, "Good to meet you."

Bea inched closer to the crowd, she wanted to see the shark. "Do sharks like coffee?"

Luce scowled as Nell leaned over and poured her drink into the ice. "Don't do that. You might... drown it? Can coffee drown sharks? Or is that poisoning?" She asked, looking around for anyone who might have more than a high school freshman biology background.

Adam busted in late pretty sure his ass was grass for getting 'delayed'. However when it turned out that the lady of the hour was peering as some shark circling beneath the ice, siblings and dumbasses in tow, Adam promptly decided to take a swig of birthday wine earlier

Connor couldn't hear all the conversation that was going on surrounding the shark, but he'd decided to forgo getting his skates for the time being. He put his empty bottle in the recycling and ordered another drink. "Well, whatever it is, Kaden is about to go all Crocodile Dundee on it's arse, so I'm not worried about it.”

Leah glanced toward Bea as she inched closer to the pond, pressing her lips together. "I don't think they do... but are we sure that's even a shark?", she wondered aloud. She sipped from her sangria again, she was far too sober for this.

Remmy skated over a little closer to the hole Luce had made and watched with the others, wondering what might come out of the hole. "It-- I...don't think sharks can drown, Luce," they said, a little confused. Could they? "Don't they like...breath water? They've got gills and stuff..." They looked over at Luce and Ariana, pouring stuff onto the ice and into the hole for him. "Maybe we're scaring him by all standing around. SHould we give him some space?"

"It's a shark for sure, I have a degree in this," Bea told Leah seriously, though they both knew that was a lie. "Do you think the shark can get caffeinated?" Seeing Adam, she waved,"Adam! There's a shark here!"

Jasmine took a sip of her mulled wine and looked towards Kaden. Crocodile Dundee? She trusted Harsh to handle it more if it was really needed. "Right, well, he can have fun with that then. I'll be over here enjoying my wine away from the wild life."

Adam threw up his hands and said. "People told me NOT to bring my guns to a party! What the Hell!"

Jasmine shook her head at Nell's gun nut boyfriend.

Connor had watched Adam stroll in. He hoped the guy had brought Nell a bloody good present for turning up late. She didn't seem too upset about it though. "That's Adam. He's just... special."

“Oh, I remember the squid,” Erin shook her head. Boy howdy did she ever. “Jasmine’s the one who got me set up in my apartment, actually,” she added, glancing at Marley, though it was hard to keep her attention off of the group circling the hole in the lake. Leaning against the bar, she ordered another drink. “They look like they’ve definitely got it under control.”

Luce raised an eyebrow at Adam's outburst before returning to the hole. There wasn't anything going on at the moment, but that didn't mean it wasn't gonna pop out of the ice and try and eat them or something. Poking at the water with her boot, Luce looked at Remmy. "Shark's got stage fright? I mean, I've heard weirder shit, so you might be onto something there." She said before shuffling back a bit.

One minute, Dave had been scouting out whether there was any Gryndylow in this tiny pond, beating the pond bottom with his fin to disturb whatever was down there and get a feel for it. The next, he was resurfacing and had banged his head against a lid of ice. No way in hell had it been anywhere near cold enough to freeze over the entire pond in the ten minutes he'd been down there. But it had. Dave had swum around and around, looking for any gap, and had bounced his body against it to try and break the ice until he had a headache. It was only then that he began to worry, the oxygen in his arteries slowly running out. When he'd noticed shadows moving over the ice, he'd tried to get their attention, banging on the ice. Suddenly part of the water warmed up, and he felt the ice crack through his whiskers. Dave swam up quickly, poking his heavily scarred snout out of the water to breath deeply. Imminent threat of death solved, he now had to address the seal in the room: that there shouldn't have been a seal in this pond, and that there definitely shouldn't have been a loose leopard seal on this side of the equator.

As soon as the seal's head broke the ice, a look of slight disappointment came over Nell's face. "Oh. It's a seal." A shark would have been cooler.

"Oh, yes! Right! That's where I've seen your face! On the bench outside the precinct! You're the realtor gal, Jasmine Hale," Marley said, excited suddenly, that something, finally something could come to mind without hours of sitting and thinking about it. She sighed with audible relief and grabbed her next drink, sliding up next to Erin, suddenly much less moody than before. She leaned against Erin as she held her hand out to Jasmine. "Marley Stryder. Nice to meet you. For real. You're like half a celebrity in this town, considering your face is everywhere."

Adam looked at Bea with a scowl that betrayed just a hint of disappointment that a deadly predator hadn't shown up at a social occasion. "It’s a fuckin seal.”

It struck Connor that he'd been the first to ask how Nell knew all these old people, but now he was the one hanging out with them all while the rest of them were skating. "Jas and I only met after I'd found my beach house, but she's pretty good at her job. I bet your place is sick." He turned his head at the commotion as the shark - which actually now revealed itself to be some type of giant seal - emerged from the icy water. "Don't stab it! Or shoot it!" He called, stepping closer to the ice. "Just... I dunno, let it wobble off or something."

"Well, it looked like a shark!!" Bea isn't sure why anyone believed her, but it was nice to know her influence. "Do seals like coffee? Or whiskey?"

Ariana stopped skating as she saw a seal emerge from a hole in the pond. A seal. In a pond. Was it Ricky or Skylar? She'd never actually seen them as seals before so she skated closer to the opening. She eyed Adam and Kaden to see what their reaction would be. "See, it's just a seal. No reason to not skate."

Kaden was waiting for a monster of some sort to pop out from the hole in the ice. It was absolutely the sort of thing that would happen in White Crest. When he saw a seal, a leopard seal at that, all he could say was "putain de merde." There was no reason a seal like that could be in a pond unless it was a selkie. He really should stab it. He would have a year ago. But for now, he sighed and put the knife away. "Leave the seal alone."

Harsh glanced at the weirdo yelling about guns. "Yeah, I still don't think shooting it is the best idea. But I think we should all give it some space, like they said," he noted, nodding at Remmy. His eyes went wide as a seal poked its head up out of the ice. Well, that was new. He moved closer carefully, kneeling near the open hole. "I think it's alright, but uh, I wouldn't give it any alcohol."

Luce swore as the ice was broken and a big fucking animal poked its head out of the water and huffed. "What the fuck is that thing doing in our pond?" She asked. Looking over at Nell, she realized her sister was right. It was a seal. And now Adam had figured it was a seal. Okay, apparently everyone was a fucking zoologist or whatever. "Yeah, what the pasty british kid said. No one attacked it. Just stay away from the hole and let it have room to breathe or whatever."

A seal? Wait-- it wasn't-- Remmy blinked and focused on them. No, not Skylar. Sighing with relief, they skated back over, still keeping a distance. "Umm, are you okay mister seal? Or um-- misses seal? I can't-- I don't know seal genders..." they looked over at everyone else, up to Luce, shrugging. "Maybe they got stuck? Do you need help? I think there's a river close by..." But no one else seemed to be moving to try and help the surprised looking seal. "Should we help them?"

Leah laughed at Bea, shaking her head. It was definitely not a shark, then. But a seal, which meant it was a selkie, which meant they probably needed some room to breath. "Maybe we should leave it alone", she said, agreeing with Kaden for once. She was surprised that he wasn't attacking it, didn't hunters hate selkies, too?

"Big seal," Bea observed. "I'm kind of disappointed that it wasn't a shark, but a seal is cool too." She considered her little sister's friends for a moment, before speaking to the crowd,"Don't try to pet the seal too."

Adam disappeared off to the greenhouse for a time and returned with some plywood planks. Merrily slide-swearing his way out to the pond, Adam proceeded to cover the hole so people didn't plunge in.

If Dave had been able to hear the reaction and thoughts of everyone there, he would have been offended. As Immo's most murderous character, he was definitely more dangerous than the average shark.

Connor couldn't even be upset at the pasty British kid comment, considering it was true. "Yeah, see?" He swallowed another mouthful of beer, deciding he was actually going to get his skates now. He joined the others on the ice within a few moments, but not too close to the seal-hole. "Come on, mate. Weirder shit happens in this town than pond sharks and pond seals. As long as it isn't eating anyone, it's fine." He looked over at Adam, who'd returned with some planks. "Dude, I know you're a football player or whatever, but you know seals need to breathe, right?"

As the wood covered the hole, Nell tried to pour a little more of the hot toddy through the planks of it, figuring the seal should also have a good time. "It's okay- maybe he just wants a drink."

Adam peered down at the seal whose hole he was boarding up, give him a long "Dude we gonna do this or naw?" stare.

Luce shrugged at Remmy's suggestion, shaking her head as she stared at the seal that still had its head poking out the hole. "I'm not about to try and get that thing outta here, I'd get my hand bitten off if I tried to help it out." Watching as Nell moved to pour more alcohol on the animal, Luce grabbed her sister's arm. "C'mon, don't fuck with the wildlife." She chided. "How'd you like it if someone dumped a hot toddy on your head after you got out of bed or whatever?"

Dave carefully considered his options, breathing deeply. They'd forget this, right? Regular humans would talk about the weird fish they'd seen. Just as he'd gotten enough air for half an hour, that fucking kid he'd met in the underwater cave that one time began boarding him up. I damn well saved your neck back then he thought aggressively at Adam, slowly slinking back into the water. As a hot liquid was poured on him, he jerked back in clear discomfort, diving back under the water. He'd have to wait until they fucked off before leaving.

Erin raised a skeptic eyebrow at Marley, her mood suddenly brightening. Didn’t have time to question it as the creature was revealed to be a seal. “Aw, a seal?” Wait, a seal? Her first thought went to Skylar. She doubted it was her but she started gravitating a little closer. “Jesus Christ, Nell, stop pouring alcohol on the seal!” She yelled.

"Aww, oh no," Nell said as the seal obviously didn't like her offer of a drink, not having meant to pour it on the seal. "Sorry!" she called down into the hole even after the seal had disappeared. "I can get something colder if you want?"

Adam murmured "Hey uh Nell....did you like...brain-warp this seal in here..or?"

Remmy frowned, a bit sadly, as Adam started boarding up the hole the seal was in. What if it was a selkie, like Skylar and Ricky? What if they were worried or scared? But they didn't have too much time to contemplate this, as the seal recoiled and dove back under. "Ahh, wait-- oh," they sighed, "bye seal." Waved at them before standing up again and looking down at Luce. "Are you gonna sulk by the fire pit the whole time, or?" they asked, raising a brow. "Don't tell me you don't know how to skate."

Nell considered the question for a long-moment in her inebriated state, wondering if she had actually Summoned the seal here. "...maybe? I don't think so. No- if it was me it would have been a shark. A shark would have been cooler," she lamented once again.

Kaden shouted out at Nell, "What did I say? Leave the sel-- seal. Leave the seal alone." He grumbled and went to refill his drink. He was going to need a lot more to deal with this.

Harsh rose as the gun weirdo moved to board up the hole. Well, crisis apparently averted then. He so needed a drink. Hands in his pockets, he wandered back over to the drinks table to grab something strong.

Adam gave Nell a helpless 'babe your crazy is hot but it scares me' grin and stood up to awkwardly scoot his way over to actually get some skates

Ariana kept skating around the ice and her features brightened up as she saw Adam grabbing skates. "Finally."

Bea looked over at the older crowd around her, "Do we want to get on the ice too?"

Luce looked over at Remmy, squinting as they waved "bye seal" to the weird fucking seal chilling in the pond they'd commandeered for the party. Okay then. Well, that was enough excitement she could take sober. She needed some real fucking alcohol. "I do know how to skate, but I'm sure not gonna do it when that," She gestured to the recently vacated airhole, "is swimming underneath us. Did you see those teeth? It'd fucking bite off a leg. I'm gonna drink is what I'm going to do."

Leah glanced at her friends, deciding what might be best to do. "I'll just walk on the ice, not skate. That's way less chance of me falling in, right? Walking and holding onto the side." Somehow, the drink in her hand was already empty, and a warm haze surrounded her vision.

Jasmine took another long sip of her wine and happily said, "Absolutely. Now that I know nothing in the pond will try to eat me, I'm game."

Connor skated around with Ari and Nell and Leah and now, Adam. "Are you the only one underage?" he asked Ari, giving her a little smile. "Don't worry. Fuck pre-gaming. We can post-game at my house now that it's not infested any more."

Kaden sighed. "Are you going to make me?"

Adam looked back at Connor with a frown, wondering if the infestation was ghosts or cockroaches or satan or something but decided not to ask. He tied up his skates and began breaklining across the pond, perhaps unsure of what 'casual skating' was.

Remmy shook their head. "Scaredy cat," they teased, before skating away. Moose had been following them along the outside of the pond, running back and forth, making sure to stay away from the hole. Finally, he settled into the spot next to Luce, laying down next to her as he watched Remmy skate away. They were choosing to have a good time, Luce could stay behind and be grumpy all she wanted. They skated up to Nell. "Wanna race?"

Jack was better in high heels than skates, but he got on the ice with enthusiasm. "I don't know what all the fuss was about that big fish," he said with a shrug, flexing his gorgeous muscles as he skated about with perfect grace - even when he lost his balance and fell on his ass.

Ariana knew Remmy wasn't talking to her, but couldn't resist a good race. "Hell yeah she does. I'm getting in on it, too."

Marley took another long sip, watching as everyone finally dispersed once the seal was gone and the hole was boarded up. She looked over at Erin, who had started walking towards the pond as well, yelling at Nell. "Ah, leave her alone," she said, grabbing at Erin's arm, tugging her back, "it's her birthday. Let her be crazy." Besides, she wanted Erin to stay with her. "Wanna roast marshmallows? I hear those are supposed to be good or whatever." Plus, she'd never done that before, and she kinda really wanted to try.

Connor was more than happy to join in one the race, provided they all stayed away from the hole. "Oh, I'll play too, but can I please pet your dog after? He's so cute."

Bea put on her skates and waved to all her friends. "Come on! Have some fun! See Jack is having a great time!"

Adam zipped to the far side of the pond and produced a 'flag' from the jersey under his jack, holding it up high for the races to take their places.

For the rest of the evening, Dave would periodically resurface in that tiny hole to breath, and spent the rest of his time judging everyone at their ice skating skills.

Erin winced when the muscle-y hunk of a man she could only assume to be the stripper hit the ice hard. She wanted to skate but she got the impression Marley wasn’t ready yet. “Sure, marshmallows sound good. But don’t think you’re getting out of getting out there with me,” she said pointedly before following Marley to the open fire.

Seeing Remmy come up beside her, Nell didn't hesitate to answer. "Hell yeah I do!" she echoed Ariana's sentiment. "I can start us off." Then she began a countdown. "Three...two...one...go!" On the word 'go' she didn't hesitate to playfully shove both Remmy and Ariana as she took off and Adam worked his makeshift flag, trying to get a cheap head start by throwing them off kilter. Then she called back to Erin and Marley. "Yeah! Leave me alone!" she laughed as she skated on, carefully avoiding the hole in the ice. Despite the seal, and perhaps even in conjunction with the seal, the warmth of the party had her grinning as she raced around the rink, unable to think of anything she'd trade this party, company, and seal for.

#sharks and strippers #chatzy #wickedswriting

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thepurplesquip · 3 years

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Ben 10/The Greatest Showman AU Chapter 3

Co-written by me and @minecraftninjerkid

Ben decided to get to work on gathering aliens, starting with Kevin’s old friend, Argit. He knew he was getting into risky business using them as a part of the show, but he knew no one great ever got to where they were without fighting the flow.

He soon arrived at a shack in a run-down part of town that was known as one of the only safe havens for aliens. Ben made sure it was the right place from Kevin’s instructions before he knocked on the door.

“Who’s there?” Ben heard a voice ask from behind the door.

“Uh, my name is Ben Tennyson, I’m looking for someone named Argit.” Ben said.

“If you’re here because he owes you money, get to the back of the line,”

“The opposite, actually. I wanted to see if he wanted to work at my museum.”

There was silence for a moment before the door opened. Ben looked down and saw a half-porcupine, half-possum humanoid alien. “So, what, you want me to be a janitor or something? Cause if so, you got the wrong guy,” Argit spat.

“No, nothing like that. You see, I’m putting together a show and I want you to be a part of it,” Ben explained.

“I’m a businessman, kid, not an item at a freakshow. You think I WANT to be ridiculed and laughed at?” Argit asked.

“Well, hey, they’re ridiculing at you anyways, might as well get paid for it,” Ben joked, internally wincing at how harshly it had come out.

Argit didn’t seem to find this joke amusing as he slammed the door in Ben’s face. Exhaling patiently, he thought about his next words carefully before he spoke. “Look, I want you and other aliens to be a part of my show, to show people that aliens aren’t monsters. To show that they can actually do some good. When people see you, they won’t see some freak…they’ll see someone who’ll get the respect they deserve.”

Ben’s little speech seemed to be more convincing, as Argit soon opened the door. The smile on his face told Ben that he was in. “So…how much we talking in terms of pay here?”

After getting Argit on board, Ben got to work making flyers, calling for the attention of other aliens as he and his sons put them up around town. The flyers ended up getting someone to point him in the direction of another alien.

Soon Ben and his sons ended up at a carpenter’s shop as they walked in to see a female human/Kineceleran hybrid speeding around the shop as a male human/Tetramand hybrid was carrying and moving large amounts of wood with his four arms.

“Whoa…” Ben was fascinated at the sight of them, catching the attention of the hybrids as they stopped what they were doing.

“Can we help you?” the Kineceleran hybrid asked Ben.

“Ben Tennyson, showman in the works. I came here to see if you both would want to be a part of my show,” Ben informed her.

“Sure, sounds fun,” the Tetramand hybrid growled, getting defensive. “Why not hand out pitchforks and torches at the concession stand while you’re at it? Sales will go nuts!”

“I’ll handle this, Manny,” the Kineceleran hybrid calmed her friend before turning back to Ben. “Look, I’m flattered you don’t seem to hold the same grudge humans do against us, but this show idea of yours just isn’t safe for us. If you must go through with it, leave us out of it. We aren’t really interested in being a part of anything like that.”

“Now if you’ll excuse us, Helen and I have work to do,” Manny snorted, making it clear Ben’s visit was over.

“Hey, wait!” Ben protested, not keen on giving up so easily. “Please, you both have amazing abilities and I want to help other people see how amazing you two really are.”

“No one would want to see aliens like us in general, much less in a show,” Helen said dejectedly.

With the glare Manny was giving him, Ben was certain they would have no choice but to walk out if Cody didn’t do what he did next. He walked up to them and gave them a small smile before handing Helen one of the flyers.

“I know that people don’t understand you, but they will,” Ben said softly as Helen and Manny looked at each other. One decisive look later, they decided to give Ben’s show a chance.

Those three ended up being the first of many. Soon, other aliens were lining up out the door to see if they too would get hired for Ben’s show.

“So, Alice Parker and Alan Albright, was it?” Ben asked as an African American boy and a Hispanic/African American girl sat across from him. “What can you two do?”

“We do trapeze and fire dancing,” Alice explained.

“Is that so? Do you prefer being in a human form or are you comfortable in your true alien skin?” Ben wanted to know, noticing they both looked entirely human.

“No sir, I am,” Alan corrected. “She’s all human.” Standing up, he turned into his Pyronite form, causing flames to cover his body.

Ben was delighted. “Yes! This is exactly what I’m looking for!” He then cast an uncomfortable look at Alice. “Though, I’m not sure if you’ll be a good fit for what I’m looking for.”

“With all due respect, we are a package deal,” Alice said warningly. “So you either take us both or we walk.” Alan nodded in agreement.

Ben was silent for a moment, thinking this over before gave them his answer. “Well then, you’re both in!”

“Uh just so you know, people aren’t gonna like it if you put us on the stage,” Alan pointed out. “Same can be said for most of your troupe, I’m sure.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Ben said with a smirk. “I’m counting on it.”

Soon, Ben was able to get his acts together as he and the other aliens were backstage getting ready for their first performance. Helen peeked out of the curtains to see the surprising amount of people that came. She hid back behind the curtain, afraid that the people wouldn’t want to see her or the other aliens. Ben put on his top hat as he went around making sure everyone was ready while also slightly over-emphasizing few of their features to make them stand out more.

“Alright everyone, the crowds waiting. Let’s give them a show!” Ben announced as the curtains opened, causing Manny and the others to come out as the audience seemed surprised, yet intrigued by them. Ben then noticed that Helen was missing as he saw her hiding behind the curtains.

“Hey, come on, they’re waiting,” Ben said as he went over to her.

“For what?” Helen asked, still scared to go out.

“For you. They don’t know it yet, but they are gonna love you. Trust me,” Ben said as he pulled her out into the open where the audience gasped at her before Ben gently gave her a small push of encouragement towards the rest of the group.

Helen was still nervous, but saw a young boy in the crowd give her and the others a smile, giving Helen and the others a bit of encouragement that they needed.

Soon Ben came out and they performed their show, which the people learned to love and adore. But amongst his fans were critics, especially one that went by the name of Will Harangue, a well-known icon in their town. But being well-known did not equal being well-mannered, as Ben was soon to discover.

One night after a show, Kevin came into Ben’s office. “Have you seen this?” Kevin asked as he dropped a newspaper on Ben’s desk that had Will’s column on it as Ben started reading it.

“Criminal. Degrading. Circus,” One out of those three words sparked an idea within Ben. “I like circus, it has a nice ring to it.”

All of a sudden, Ben heard a commotion outside. He ran out and saw a few unsatisfied townspeople getting into a fight with his troupe.

“What-” Ben tried to ask Alice as she darted past him, but he then realized she was holding a metal pipe, no doubt aiming to swing at the angry mini-mob. “Hey! That’s enough!”

Alice looked back at him with a “what do you mean ‘that’s enough’?” expression. “Everyone inside, now!” Ben ordered as Alan and the others quickly went inside.

“Run along, you freaks! Your master’s calling!” one of the townspeople barked nastily.

“Hilarious. Now, shoo!” Ben pushed the loudmouth back into his crowd as the townspeople walked off. After they did, Ben turned to Kevin before handing him the newspaper. “Make sure this review is printed on every paper in Bellwood, and half priced tickets to anyone who brings it in. I might have just found our new angle.”

His show continued to gain more and more popularity and would regularly be sold out as he embraced the previously degrading circus title he had been given. As Ben finished another performance with his troupe, he looked out at his audience that were cheering and applauding for him. He knew that he had managed to fulfill his promise to his troupe.

The best part of it all? He wasn’t nearly half as done. Not by a long shot.

#ben 10 #ben tennyson #ben 10 omniverse #ben 10 oc #ben 10 original series #ben 10 omniverse oc #courtney lawrence #Alice Parker #ben 10 au #ben 10 fanfiction #the greatest showman #the greatest showman au #Oc x character #oc x canon #AU fanfiction #fanfiction

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queen-scribbles · 3 years

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Full of Surprises

Here we go, first Inquisition Commander!Fenris AU fic. :D I’d like to thank @lethendralis-paints for introducing me to the idea, and promise there will be Fenris POV in later pieces; this one just wound up sticking with the Inquisitor’s for basic set-up. ;)

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Kerith Adaar was a hard woman to rattle.

The nature of her business called for a certain level of implacability; being able to roll with new information or circumstances as if you’d planned for them from the start. These were the most bizarre “new circumstances” she’d ever found herself in--sickly green hole ripped in the sky vomiting demon, sealed by the same green now shimmering under her skin--and she’d managed to keep her head through it all. Adapt. Like she always did.

Which made it almost hilarious that the thing to throw her off when demons, murder accusations, and the wreckage left of the Temple of Sacred Ashes couldn’t do it, was an elf.

In her defense, this was not just any elf. If his appearance--snowy hair and dull white tattoos that trailed down his throat to vanish under his armor--wasn’t enough to justify her surprise, there was also the fact he was an elf. In a position of obvious authority. In an organization begun under the auspices of the Chantry. The Vala-kos had done enough jobs for Chantry-affiliated persons, Kerith was well acquainted with how many of them viewed... others.

She managed to curb her curiosity through the ensuing conversation among her new advisors--spymaster and ambassador, both human, and the elven commander. Best to remain focused on the more important issues; how things stood after the Chantry denounced them, spirited debate over what they should do next and who they should ally with to close the Breach for good. Given their shaky standing in the eyes of all available options, it was decided all they could really do was meet with the one person currently willing to speak to them; a Chantry Mother working out in the Hinterlands. There were already scouts in the area attempting to make contact, Kerith could depart as soon as she received word of where, precisely, to go.

With that decision made, they all went their own ways, to attend their own business. Kerith shivered slightly as she stepped out of the chantry’s warmth, weaving sideways to avoid collision with a huffy nobleman in the doorway. He grunted something rude under his breath but she ignored him in favor of pulling her coat a little closer. Her time spent in Ferelden had not accustomed her to cold as much as she would have liked.

Kerith made her way through the village, secured supplies for the pending trip to the Hinterlands, and conversed with some of her new allies as she wandered before finding herself down at the training ground, not entirely by accident. She leaned against a post meant to hold a training dummy and watched her--well, their, this wasn’t just about her--apparent military commander lead what remained of the Inquisition’s forces through rapid-fire drills. He’d armed himself with a greatsword after leaving their council meeting, and wielded it with grace that spoke of hard-earned skill. Just one more angle to the enigma he presented.

“You have good form, Commander,” Kerith commented when there was a pause.

He flicked a glance in her direction, barked for the recruits to take a break, and then joined her. “Fenris,” he reminded her. “As I said before, the title is unnecessary. Did you need something, Herald?”

Kerith shook her head as she pushed away from the post. “Just getting to know people. And it’s Kerith; this ‘Herald’ business is unnecessary as well. I’m not that special.”

“Are you certain?” Fenris asked with a dry chuckle. He nodded toward the soldiers he’d been training. They were all staring at them--her--and a few whispering to their fellows. “They seem to think you are.”

“Wonder if that’s due more to what I am” --she tapped one of her broken-off horns--”or who I am, the Herald of Andraste, who glows and can close the little demon-spewing holes in the sky.”

“Hopefully the larger one as well, if all goes to plan,” he said, inclining his chin toward the greenish shadow that marred the clouds about them.

“Hopefully,” Kerith nodded. The Mark pulsed faintly, in time with the Breach, and she curled her hand into a fist. “And hopefully soon.”

“Indeed, I believe that would please everyone.” Fenris loosely crossed his arms and arched a brow. “But you said you wanted to talk.” One side of his mouth curved briefly higher. “I suspect you have a specific topic in mind?”

“You would be correct. A couple actually, if you’ve the time.” She ran a hand over her hair, capturing one of the narrow dark grey braids to absently weave between her fingers as she continued. “How did you wind up here?”

“I walked,” he deadpanned. “Or rode, when it better suited.”

Kerith rolled her eyes but laughed. “Enlightening. Though I meant more how did an elf get named military commander for a Chantry organization?”

He shook his head. “It isn’t.”

“I know it’s--we’ve--been denounced as heretical now, but that is how it started, isn’t it?”

Fenris gave another small shake of his head. “It was begun by Cassandra and Nightingale.”

Kerith snorted, picked at the end of her braid. “I’m pretty sure, as the Right and Left Hands of the Divine, Cassandra and Leliana are considered part of the Chantry. Or at least were; that may have changed with the whole ‘founding a heretical movement’ thing.”

“But they did not begin the Inquisition to be an arm of the Chantry; it was in answer to a threat. While they would have welcomed the Chantry’s support, this”--he paused to gesture at Haven and their set-up--”was their intention regardless.”

“With or without approval,” she murmured as she tipped her head in easy concession. “Still, folk like us are hardly the typical first choice of Chantry types, you must admit, no matter how well-suited. Especially for positions of authority.” She flexed her Marked hand and muttered, “Not that they got much choice with me...”

Fenris chuckled. “Kerith, you’ve spoken to Cassandra, have you not?”

She nodded. “Only a little beyond the council, but yes.”

He fixed her with a dryly amused stare. “Does she seem the sort to care in the slightest if her actions are typical in pursuit of her goals?”

Kerith laughed. “Can’t say she does. And I see you’re just as skilled with words as you are that sword.” Tattooed, eloquent, combat-trained... She shook her head with a rueful smile and muttered under her breath in qunlat, “Where did she find you?”

“Antiva,” Fenris answered in common with a faint smirk at the surprise Kerith didn’t try to hide. “Hard on the heels of a particularly nasty band of slavers. She made an excellent case, and I could leave my pursuit in... very capable hands. Ones I trusted to get the job done. So I left with her, and we returned only a few days before the Conclave was due to start.”

“Mm.” Kerith pursed her lips. It was a straight forward story, if notably light on details. But she could pry for those later. “You speak qunlat?”

“Yes.” He cocked his head, studying her. “I must admit to being equally surprised you do. From what Nightingale had found, you were raised Vashoth?” He waited for her nod of confirmation. “I would not have expected that to be something passed along to you, under those circumstances. Most who leave the Qun wish to abandon it entirely.”

She smiled thinly. “Some parts of your heritage you just can’t avoid.” Others you don’t want to. “But it came in handy once I was looking for work of my own. Vala-kos were the only ones who’d have me, and some of them don’t speak much common. But we all know qunlat.” She scuffed a foot through the snow, then arched a brow at Fenris. “Where’d you learn it?”

He averted his gaze out over the lake. “I... spent some time in Seheron. It’s always useful to know the local tongues of anywhere you find yourself staying long.”

“It is,” Kerith agreed. “Seheron also where you learned to fight like that?”

“One place of many,” Fenris replied with a small shrug, his crossed arms tightening fractionally.

She was well-versed enough in body language to pick up this was not a favored topic, at least not for public discussion. “I learned from many places as well,” she said, her hand drifting toward the hilt of one dagger. She let a beat of silence pass before changing the subject. “You really think the templars are the better option for dealing with that?” She jerked her chin toward the Breach.

“I do,” Fenris said with a nod, the tension that had stiffened his spine starting to bleed away.

“Cassandra and Leliana made a good case for seeing if the mages can’t give the Mark more power,” Kerith said, part idle comment, part seeing his response.

He shook his head. “Better to attempt suppressing the Breach itself than tempt mages with more power.”

There was a vehemence behind the words that made her raise a brow, but she decided against pulling that thread just yet in favor of staying on track. “You believe they can? To the extent we’d need?”

“In sufficient number, yes,” Fenris replied, rolling his shoulders.

“That’s the trick, isn’t it?” Kerith chuckled ruefully. “It’s hard to find sufficient number of anything right now.”

He answered her chuckle with one of his own. “That’s what we have you for, isn’t it, Herald?”

She rolled her eyes and laughed. “Well played, Commander. I’ll do my best to drum up a sufficient number of allies, whichever course we pursue.” She looked up at the Breach again, bit her lip in thought. “It’s so big,” she murmured to herself. She curled the braid’s tail around her thumb. “Can’t imagine what it’s going to take to close that son of a bitch....”

“It will be quite the effort, whoever you call upon for help,” Fenris said, running a hand through his hair. “Will you have to open it again, as you did last time?”

“Void’s teeth, I hope not,” Kerith groaned, shuddering at the memory of the Pride demon they’d had to battle, one of very few things that had ever made her feel small. She rubbed her forearm subconsciously, even though the remembered wound had been healed with nary a scar. “I don’t relish the thought of another fight like that.”

“Understandable.” His weight rocked foot to foot and back as he recrossed his arms. “It was quite the battle, from what I hear.”

“Would likely have been worse if not for those of you watching our backs,” she returned with a half-smile. “But yes. It... was not fun. And I hope nothing similar is required to close it for good.”

Fenris hesitated the briefest moment before voicing his thoughts. “If it were, the templars would also be a great help in that fight.”

“...as opposed to mages, who would perhaps be more vulnerable to demons.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s something for me to consider, since mine will apparently be the final word on the subject.”

“You are the one with the Mark,” he shrugged. “You are the one who can close the Breach. That lends your word on the matter extra weight.”

“Just what I always wanted,” Kerith said wryly, which earned a chuckle. She glanced at the restlessly shifting soldiers. “I’ve taken enough of your time, I’ll let you get back to it. I appreciate the conversation.”

“As did I,” Fenris replied, inclining his head respectfully.

He returned to training the soldiers as Kerith walked away, and she couldn’t repress a smile when she realized he’d learned as much about her as she had him. And with hardly a direct question. You’re just full of surprises, Commander Fenris. She didn’t know who to thank for dropping him in their laps--Cassandra, probably--but she had a very good feeling about the Inquisition’s military commander.

Surprise that he may have been.

#queens fic #commander fenris au #f!adaar #fenris #oh god here we gooooo #dai #and there WILL be later pieces bc i love the concept of this au #i just dunno when they'll materialize bc we're moving into ''must write christmas present fics'' territory #now to figure out his hairstyle....

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traumatized-motherfuckers · 3 years

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CPTSD relationship patterns on repeat

Listen wherever you stream, search “complex trauma” and subscribe. Or, find episodes, blog posts, and a private support community at t-mfrs.com

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Things I’ve gotten good at throughout this Trauma journey:

Seeing connections between where I’m from and where I am

Thinking for the first time about where I’m going

Letting myself have emotions

Letting those emotions go

Redirecting my energy and attention away from ruminating

Being accountable for my own feelings

Being accountable for times of being a shithead

Listening and validating other humans

Listening and validating myself

Recognizing what circumstances do/don’t work for me

Realizing how my codependency plays with relationships

Letting go of self-hate inner critic talk

Reframing events with reasonable views

Accepting myself, even when I first want to thrash myself

Semi-consistently caring for myself

Setting realistic boundaries and goals

Sleeping

Things I’m still shitty at:

Letting my overwhelm skew reality

Anxious self-slave-driving

Being a snarky turd when my head is overloaded

Taking on other people’s energies and emotions

Trusting myself in all areas of life

Forming healthy relationships.

Okay, it’s that last one that has me most perpetually fighting feelings of panic and doom.

This seems like an apt way to kick off the new year. I think a lot of us have questions about relationships and would like to improve our operations in 2021. I can also tell you, this one is extremely appropriate looking back at the last year of my life.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in the past few spins around the sun has been how romance does - and definitely doesn't - fit into my life. I think 2020 was particularly packed full of important lectures and pop quizzes, many of which I failed. It felt like knowing that the correct answer was C, but finding my hand filling in the circle for A every time, anyways.

This is a terrible ideaaaa... and I'm doing it. Pause for about 2 months. Now I'm upset that it was a terrible idea.

Yeah, it's been great. But I have no one to blame but myself. Because as much as I've worked on this trauma management life of mine, I haven't done a good job of working on the relationship aspect of it. I've let my usual patterns dominate. And that's what needs to be examined today.

I mean. Can someone tell me about healthy relationships in functional terms? What IS that even?

Look, I’m not hoping that someone will pop up and share some, “mutual respect, good communication, trust, support, care, similar goals, similar beliefs…” sort of shit. I fucking KNOW about the idealistic, flowery terms that all the light-hearted couples counselors recommend establishing for a happy relationship. I get it.

I’m not ignorant when it comes to the ways humans should interact. I’ve had enough experience with friendships and relationships, alike, to understand the basics of person-to-person interactions. I know I talk about myself like I’ve been a feral child locked in a cage for 20 years, but the truth is that if you met me on the streets I’d probably seem like a normal, well-adapted, personable human being. That Leo Ascendant component of my personality tricks people into actually thinking I’m an extrovert who wants attention. (Hilarious, explains a lot of comments I’ve gotten in my past)

Nah, I’m not asking for the trite descriptions of a healthy partnership that everyone who’s ever been friends on a basic girl’s Facebook has seen before in cursive writing on top of a washed-out pink-tinted field. Those are empty sounding words that I don’t believe most couples manage to put into action, no matter how many selfies they take together or labradoodles they adopt.

For me, Fuckers, the mystery isn’t, “in a fairytale world, how do two humans interact to have a lifelong bliss factory?” Respect, trust, appreciation, mutual understanding… blah blah blah. What the fuck ever.

The real question is how.

And, shit, let me just be honest with all of you - not just the Patrons who’ve already heard my personal bitching - it’s on my mind because I did a thing I definitely should not have… recently, I got into a new romantic relationship that I definitely was not looking for. I’ll spare you all the details today, but know that I’ve entered it kicking and screaming, and it’s caused me a lot of grief already.

Let the life shittery begin! Can’t wait to be destroyed.

Today, I want to bring this personal fire burning in my gut into the podcast. Motherfuck me, if it hasn’t become difficult to ignore… plus, I know that a lot of us Traumatized folks are in a similar boat when it comes to relationship confusion, unhealth, and destruction. So let’s just count the ways that I have no idea how to do this right and I’m destined to be let down by my poor choices.

This time around, I'm bringing you a list of all the ways I tend to fuck things up with other humans. In part, due to Complex Trauma. In other part, probably due to my own personal shortcomings. Listed in no particular order. On a later date, I'm going to be revisiting a lot of these patterns as I examine how early life set a lot of us up for a lot of abuse acceptance in greater detail. Stick around for those continuations on romantic disaster, if this sounds like you, too.

I'm talking about:

Partner choice: Musicians, narcissists, and addicts

Emotional codependency

Mistrust

… That turns into willful blind belief of their words

Inadequacy

Parenting analogues

Authority figures & disappointment

Misdirected commitment

Learned helplessness

Partner choice: Musicians, narcissists and addicts

Who has bad taste in partners? Over and over and over again? It’s me! And probably a lot of you.

Maybe that’s not fair. Maybe they’ve been wonderful guys who just didn’t mesh well with my inner or outer world… but I can tell you, there have been some similarities, and they don’t bode well for a happy future together.

You know me by now. Difficulty connecting with “normal” humans, no interest in small talk, a huge fan of deep emotional honesty, a bit gritty and assholeish, tends to be repelled by anything too widely embraced by the general public, definitely comes with a difficult past, fears of the future, and ongoing challenges in the present.

So, who do you think I get along with? Ivy leaguers with stable, supportive families, an optimistic outlook, and a 20-year plan? Or equally messy and complex humans with a set of neuroses handed down from their unexamined early traumas that make them similarly bitter and disillusioned with life? Just… probably hidden from immediate sight.

Grown men who’ve responsibly built a life for themselves with ambition, personal insight, and balance? Or man-children who’re still figuring out that they can’t drink every night of the week if they want to be functional in life and financially sound? But... with their addictions hidden behind “an appreciation for fine whiskies” or a necessity to sample the craft beer they brew.

Independent, confident humans who have no problem running their own world like a boss and trust that I’m capable of doing the same, with integrity and respect? Or distrustful turds who need me to be in their sight, half-directing their lives at all times unless I’m aiming to be accused of cheating, lying, and being unable to care for myself? Only… they hide their controlling and aggressive tendencies behind go-with-the-flow facades in the beginning.

If you guessed “B” in all three examples, you are correct!

Plus... so, so many musicians. Like, the last 6 of them have either subscribed to guitar or drum camp. And that hasn't been a purposeful decision - those are just the men I get along with until we hate each other.

It's always a rapid connection, a mutual respect for our interests in the arts, and a shared shitty attitude that starts out directed at the world and ends directed at each other. So many emotions. So many ups and downs. So many proclamations of "I can't live without you!" until the day we run in opposite directions and never look back.

Is that a coincidence? Or are all musical folk a bit wild? I hate to generalize, but I can tell you with great amusement that if you start typing "Are all musicians..." into Google, it will autocomplete with "cheaters, narcissists, and crazy." It also suggests "rich," but I can tell you for a fact that isn't true. The narcissist thing... uh.... very well might be correct. But I'll leave that for someone else to study.

So, I don't know what to make of this trend. There do seem to be some commonalities between the musicians in my past life - and they do seem to be categorized by the instrument of choice. For instance, drummers are never concerned with my time, and guitarists are emotional catastrophes. But what do I know? Can't make sweeping conclusions... I, at least, need a larger sample size. With my track record, I'm sure I'll have the numbers soon enough.

Congratulations if you predicted nothing but unstable disasters in my past. It's true, I’m an idiot. Okay, that’s not fair. No inner critic talk. Get out of here, Pam and Karen.

The fact of the matter is, I am a terrible judge of character when I start sensing a connection. I tend to connect with people who have complicated lives and inner worlds, just like I do. And from what I can tell, that is always my downfall.

Challenging connections

Let’s go ahead and chalk this one up to never having close connections or support growing up.

You know what I always wanted, hoped for, and idealized as a kid? Someone loving me. Another human actually understanding my weirdness and signing on for more. The idea of a human who wanted to know what I thought and felt. The option of spending time with someone and feeling cared for. Also, somebody finding me attractive, instead of being repulsed by my ass-length ginger hair, flat chest, dorky hand-me-downs, bleach-stained horse sweaters, and buck teeth... also would have been a dream come true.

I’m pretty sure that growing up lonely didn’t help me in any regard when it came to my later-in-life relationship problems. Starving for connection apparently puts you in a state of deprivation, where you’re likely to think anything is better than the empty feeling inside. You know, just for the rest of your life or so.

To this day, if I meet someone and we’re able to converse without abundant clarifications or apologies for the prickly things that come out of my mouth as dry humor or unbendable opinions… we’re on a roll. If we can connect over shared perspectives on humans, life, and psychology… things are getting more serious. If we can honestly talk about the ways we’re horrible to ourselves and joke about our shared challenges in figuring out what the point of this shitty slip-and-slide of life is about… uh oh, this might be a real connection.

And so, it makes sense that I connect with all the most complicated people you’d ever meet. And we connect INTENSELY. I’m complicated, myself, and I look for folks who can accept it without their heads exploding. I’m never going to be happy holding conversations with Sports Bar Joe or Pretty Boy Blaine. They’re never going to understand the internal strife that dominates my world. I’m never going to understand how they can be all *happy,* *close with their families,* and *laid back about life.*

Gross. I can’t even say the words.

But give me the angstiest, most anxious, most misunderstood dude on the block, and we’re likely to get along swimmingly. We’ll talk over beers until the birds start to chirp. We’ll joke in our native tongues, playing with words, obscure references, and dry humor as if we’ve known each other for 25 years. We’ll share secrets about our tumultuous inner worlds and the ways that we can’t seem to get our heads on straight enough to keep our ships on course.

And the next thing you know, we’ll be incestuously connected with a somewhat false sense of intimacy that erupts out of the gates. “No one has ever understood me the way you do. I can really be myself around you. I’ve never had such easy conversations about this shit before.”

… That’s about the point when I lose all perspective. There’s a tunnel running from my face to this dude’s heart. I stop seeing things for what they are. I project a kinder, gentler, more well-intended personality on the subject of my feels. I quickly turn a blind eye to all the shit they’re doing that I wholeheartedly hate or otherwise cause my red flags to be unpacked.

I feel like I know them, inside and out. I feel like I can help them - like we can help each other - to sort through this dumb world we’ve been born into and all the circumstances holding us back. A real Sid and Nancy storyline emerges. No one gets him like I do. If only they could see the things I see. We’re just two broken souls who found each other, a little rough around the edges, but we see the diamonds underneath. And we’re in this battle together from now on.

Yeah, right.

Sooooo… This is how I wind up with the unpredictable narcissists who seem like nice guys, the secret addicts who keep their substance abuse hidden from everyone, and the emotional abusers who are ready to leverage my mental health admissions against me the first time they get the chance. Dudes who have highly emotional worlds and no idea how to deal with them. Men who don’t want to explore their own shortcomings and instead choose avoidant courses in life.

And, again, the musicians. So, so many musicians. I really am coming to think that they’re the most fucked up people of all - and that's saying a lot coming from me. Generally speaking, I've seen that there’s no sense of personal responsibility, an obsession with themselves, and a hidden inferiority complex that turns them into bitchy little dogs when they feel threatened. What’s with that, anyways? Can you guys try to be more original in your plight to be the most original?

Okay, anyways. Sorry to keep dragging on musicians.

The point is, my attempts at relationships start out on the wrong foot. Choosing the wrong partner is a pretty surefire way to dash all hopes for those fluffy ideals I mentioned earlier. No one is going to respect me, listen to me, or support me when they’re too busy dealing with their own alcoholism, abandonment issues, and narcissistic flailings… or, not dealing with them, to be more specific.

We aren’t going to be able to work through things when they’re consumed with being the king of the world, hiding from all negative emotions, and trying to keep their head away from analysing their own actions. Hell, it’ll be difficult to even find the time for serious talks, since they’re so busy traveling to band practices, hustling away for barely-paying gigs, and staring at their social media while they count the ways they’re victims of the universe.

Choose imbalanced, mentally ill, self-serving partners… get unhealthy, controlling, unpredictable relationships. Pretty goddamn obvious. And yet, I still can never seem to see the full picture of the human who’s caught my attention through the fog that’s created by the connection of our shared dysfunctions.

I guess this is where that, “love yourself and get yourself healthy first,” sentiment comes into play, so the connections don’t continue to be as disasterious as your personal experience is. Hopefully I’m on the right path in my own journey, at least. Also, a lot less starved for connection. I got y’all Motherfuckers in the Discord community, for starters. And I’ve become determined to live a life where I support myself and rely on no one outside of Archie’s snuggles, for finishers.

Step one: Be careful about who you deem a good person, just because you can share self-deprecating jokes about being nutjobs and similar musical interests. Learn to choose someone who isn’t an even trashier trash human than you are. It’s a start.

Emotional codependency

Hand in hand with forming connections that include deep emotional outpourings and admissions of all the dark things we hide from the light at our office jobs… comes codependency.

I’ve said it before and let me say it again… I didn’t understand codependency until very recently.

In my mind, it was akin to those creepy couples who won’t leave the house without each other, have the same friends, interests, and opinions on everything... and possibly wear matching cat shirts. Those people who never spend time with other humans because they're too busy being shoved up their partner’s ass. The folks who call to check in on each other throughout the day when they’re at work. Gag. Particularly, I imagined those pathetic girls who cry when their boyfriend is out of sight and post 12 pictures a day of them together.

Rightfully, I scoffed and insisted that I didn't have problems with codependency. That’s not me. But it turns out, this view isn’t quite right, so much as I was being an uninformed asshole.

Codependency doesn’t mean you’re a needy, incapable human being who sucks the life power out of someone else, like I used to think. Codependency is a two-way relationship defined by poor boundaries and non-existent emotional regulation. Two humans who see their experiences as one, all the way down to how they feel and how they deal with how they feel. (i.e. turning to their significant other for comfort and emotional control in a time of need instead of working through it by themselves). Relationships where the emotions are transferred from party to party until it's unclear who’s bringing what dish to the gathering. Waking up not knowing how your day is going to be, because it depends on how someone else feels about theirs. Emotional enablement city.

Oh, yeah, when you put it like that, I definitely have issues with codependency.

For me, the codependency is largely going to be emotional. In the past, I didn’t know how to have a relationship of any sort without having a third influence in the mix. There was the person, myself, and our shared emotions... that often called more shots than either of us did.

Because I tend to be on the empath scale (although I do everything I can to fight it out of defense), I think I’m naturally tuned into other people’s emotional and energetic states, for better or for worse. When someone walks into the room with a bad vibe, I feel it to my core. I become so uncomfortable that I take it on myself to try to “fix” the problem for them, and in doing so, I avoid the negative sensation, myself. This is negative reinforcement, if anyone wanted to ABA with me.

That being said, clearly if my boo is having a hard time… it’s not okay. They’re in a shit place and therefore so am I. I must do whatever I can to make it better. To sit down and talk in circles with them, if that’s what relieves some of their tension. To commiserate about how unfair the circumstances are. To validate the negativity that they’re projecting and wallowing in.

Don’t worry though, this goes the other way, too. In the past, I have fully expected my romantic partners to alleviate any inner discomfort that I’ve felt. If I was having a low-down day, I wanted them to cheer me up. If I was full of anxiety, I wanted them to find a way to release it. If I was frustrated with a work situation or coworker, I wanted them to be as angry and indignant as I felt.

So… I guess that doesn’t even sound too off-base to me, at least not when I’m leaning on my teenage expectations of what relationships are supposed to be. In my head, it was always completely ideal that I would wind up with someone who could essentially read my thoughts and comfort me like my family never did. I just wanted someone who would be by my side, thinking about me all the time, and working double time to make sure I was keeping my depression and anxiety on the up-and-up. Is that too much to ask? Uh… yeah, it is.

Maybe in a fairytale love story like the ones I saw in teenage romance movies growing up, this is the perfect way for two broken misfits to interact. “We’re both so damaged and hurt that no one has ever really seen us - but now we have each other to lick our shared wounds.” Yeah, romantic. Also really fucked up and dangerous in the real world.

The problem is, after a few months of this, it gets pretty hard to determine what’s my experience and what’s yours. The emotions become so transitive that it can be invigorating, immersive, overwhelming, and exhausting to be in each other’s company, depending on the day and the event. Living together or essentially sharing a residence makes it much worse - there’s no physical barrier between us, so that emotional barrier is even less existent. We don't have to try to text about our woes, we can just unleash them the moment we step foot in the door. Ready or not, your night is about to be ruined by my day, and vice-versa.

How does this go wrong? Uh, let’s count the ways.

1. My emotional management was never up to par, in the first place. Having your feelings catapulted my way effectively pushes me off the balance beam that I was already wobbling on. If I was having a difficult day but holding it together on my own through coping techniques and reasonable thinking - fucking forget it, that’s over now. We’re both in a shitty state now. Great. In the context of trying to recover from mental health issues… yeah, it’s a fucking disaster. Being retriggered by your partner or sucked into a depressive undertow when you’re trying to make positive change is a losing battle.

2. I never learned how to cope with my own emotions. There was generally someone else for me to hurtle them at, and our subsequent hours of bitching would give me the comfort I was looking for. I didn’t need to learn to manage my feelings - I always had a glorified babysitter to keep me alive. I never had to be accountable for my inner world. I never had to look at things with logic or reason. I could let myself spiral and trust that my best friend or boyfriend would catch me before I slipped down the drain.

3. It becomes impossible to talk about issues - personal or shared. When you’re already sharing emotions there’s an explosive effect when conflict is brought up. Neither one of us knows how to handle our shit, we expect the other person to hold us up with kid gloves, annnd now that person is the source of my distress? We’re both completely beside ourselves, upset, hurt, and angry… and it’s towards each other? Now who the fuck do we call? There's a huge sense of confusion and betrayal. No one has the skills to de-escalate the argument or return to a normal emotional state.

4. How do you break up when half of your existence is in the body of another human? You can’t mentally or emotionally separate yourself from them. Physically separating yourself feels like ripping out a few of your organs and leaving them on the streets. And, who’s going to keep you afloat when you’re going through the pain of the break up? That’s the job of your partner, afterall… can’t have a vacant desk sitting here. It’s best to just suck it up and stick with it. No one would understand what you’ve both been through together, anyways.

In a word, that’s codependency.

Not what people think it is. Not what our culture describes it as. Not so easy to spot until you’re educated and honest with yourself… plus, probably viewing things through the lenses of hindsight.

Definitely a sneaky recipe for disaster when you let it take over a well-intended, emotionally transparent, highly connective relationship. And, Motherfuckers, I’ve always tended to.

Head to t-mfrs.com for more!

#cptsd #healcptsd #just cptsd things #cptsdsurvivor #cptsdwarrior #cptsd problems #cptsd romance #trauma #ptsd #childhood ptsd #childhoodtraumarecovery #healingcomplextrauma #relationships

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dxmedstudent · 4 years

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As a longterm single person... or a person who was single for long times during parts of my life, I’m usually very onboard with shifting the focus. But it feels like this entire article is a lazy missed opportunity. It somehow manages to alienate me even though I really, really want to be able to agee with it. For a start, the article does nothing to address that yes, society does highly value romantic relationships at the expense of other meaningful relationships, and pressures people - particularly young women, to conform to the expectation to be in one. The expectation to be in a relationship and how we are treated when we’re not in one goes far beyond people valuing sex. I’ve talked about this at length before, so I’ll skip over that part for now. It doesn’t even touch on how ace or aro people experience such a ban - you don’t have to be in love or having sex to miss a significant other - the key is in the ‘significant’ bit.

“And while I know there could be some troubling long-term consequences to this legal accident, I can’t help but feel that the frustration of many is misplaced.”

No. This is your first mistake. People are allowed to be frustrated that such a rule renders physically continuing intimate relationships if you live apart illegal. People are allowed to be frustrated that they can go to primark, risk coronavirus at work, use the tube, but aren’t allowed to hug their GF. Hell, people are allowed to just be annoyed they can’t go to the pub. It might not be a priority, but I wouldn’t write in whining about how other people miss something that I am not personally fussed about. “It means we can’t go to the pub, to a party, or to a friend’s house to sit on the sofa with a bottle of wine laughing our heads off; we can't have our families round for Sunday roast; we can’t even go inside if it starts to rain during one of the permitted back garden gatherings of six.”

But fundamentally, we can have a party. We can see 6 friends or family outside. We can share food with them. We can use the bathroom. We will soon be allowed to start going to establishments to eat and drink. However rather hilariously, the article somehow manages to paint sitting on someone’s sofa as equally (or more) important than romantic and physical intimacy with a life partner. Who cares that some people haven’t been able to see their intimate partner at all, much less so much as hold hands in 3 months, when I wanna sit on someones sofa!

I get it. These rules are still wildly different to our usual lives. You’re right, it sucks that we also can’t enjoy platonic touch. Hugging a friend, patting someone on the back. Just being able to be indoors and have a meal. But the rules let us live out a much closer approximaiton of life with friends - which is a start. Now, I have friends who run the full tactile spectrum from ‘absolute huggers’ to ‘don’t touch me’. I miss a good hug or just being able to sit beside each other, but for the most part I can easily enjoy most of what I can do with friends under the current rules. Apart from sit around playing board games together, cos you can’t do that 2m apart and it’d be less than ideal to do outside. This has still had a big impact on our social lives - particularly if you live apart from friends as I do. So I feel you. I can’t just up and drive over to most of my friends’, and even if I did, sitting around outside for a couple of hours wouldn’t be with the long trip. When you’re not allowed indoors or to stay the night it makes the kind of socialising many of us do much harder. It’s the same for me seeing my family, too. So I get it. It’s just that being banned from being within 2m of someone has a much bigger impact if you’re in a romantic relationship. Because physicality (and not just sex), and spending lots of time together is a bigger part of the deal when it comes to having a significant other. Many people aren’t overly physically affectionate with friends - I know many people who barely do beyond a handshake or stiff hug - and that’s fine. These laws just take away a much bigger dimension from a romantic relationship, than from most platonic ones.

On the Facebook group I run for single people, those who live alone simply want to know when they will be touched again. And by touch I mean simply a pat on the arm, a cuddle from their mum, their best friend holding their hand. These are simple things, but are so important. They matter to people just as much, if not more, as whether they have a 'significant other' sharing their bed - but you wouldn't know that from the discussion around these new rules.

See, this is important, so maybe lead with this? It’s heartbreaing that many of us effectively have been banned from all human physical contact. But that doesn’t mean intimate relationships aren’t important to others - and complaining that those people are commenting on how it affects them is misplaced. Ths is not a competition between whether it’s worse that we can’t hug our friends or our boyfriends. Not being allowed to see an intimate partner is also depriving you of cuddles or simple gestures - a lot more than just sex.And yet the article frequently chooses to frame it as a ban against hookups when it also affects many people in relationships who can’t move in at this point in time. I’ve seen people complain that they can’t spend time with or touch their partners of several years, for example. But actually, we also shouldn’t have to minimise the importance of sex, even in a casual setting. So let’s get onto that. “Those grieving for those they've lost to Covid-19, I’m sure, are far more interested in when they can hold their loved ones than when they can next hook up. Headlines about sex bans must feel particularly grating to them.” News just in: holding your loved ones and sex are mutually exclusive. You know, if any of us lose loved ones, we’ll be heartbroken and it will suck whether we can’t hug our sister who lives far away, or our boyfriend who we don’t live with. Please don’t use cheap emotional blackmail to suggest people can’t miss both or that both can’t be one and the same if you love your partner. I’d argue this probably says a lot about what the author thinks about relationships or sex, but I hope it’s just poor writing. “The uproar about the apparent ban on sex also plays into the rather sixth form idea that absolutely everyone is having loads of sex all the time. God forbid a few of us have to wait a few months for our next chance.” Also, tangential much? People aren’t upset because they can’t go 3 months without sex, they are upset because 3 months in a pandemic without any intimacy with a loved one is hard, especially if you’re in an intimate relationship that got suddenly cut off. Because that person and their support and cuddles is particularly important to you. This is also a weird double standard: It’s apparently OK to be devastated because nobody can give you a hug, but god forbid you are sad about being entirely separated from a significant other against your will. Also, apparently we’re all fantasists playing up how much sex we’re having. I don’t understand why this article comes across as so weridly moralising, but it does. Reducing sex to hooking up is moralising behaviour: and as someone with an interest in sexual health I have to state that it’s not up to you to put a value on sex for someone else. I don’t like it being illegal for me to hug my sister, or ... yes, have sex with my boyfriend- or you know, hug him too since this isn’t about sex alone. But I’m not here to police if someone doesn’t like the rules because they just miss sex. Whoever they have sex with. Sex is a fundamental part of being human for most people. Intimacy is core to many people’s mental health, particularly in a relationship, and that need is valid. Physical intimacy in general is a massive part of intimate relationships. It’s taken decades of progress for people to accept that sex is valid and enriching, not shameful. I’m worried that yes, behind our attitudes lies the still pervasive social attitudes that sex is dirty, wrong, and something for us to police if it doesn’t fit the bounds of what we consider acceptable. We haven’t eliminated harmful attitudes to sex, and the desire that others get to decide if vulerable populations like disabled people or the poor are allowed to have initmate lives. This is about how easily rules can be used to oppress or police others - as they have been in the past. What happens to sex workers? To our LGBTQ friends if someone decides that gay sex is riskier? It’s worth noting that intimacy is only illegal if you live apart - favouring those rich enough to have the space to move in together and the married. The poor, those living with others, those who aren’t ready to take that step, those who rely on sex to make a living - face an entirely different set of rules. It’s worth asking yourself why it’s OK to move in (and risk exposing each other) but not OK to visit the person you’d be allowed to expose all the time. Why it’s OK for the government to draw a line on which relationships matter, and when - and what hoops you have to jump through. This isn’t new - out LGBTQ friends will tell us this was always a thing. But we need to be ever more vigilant as our personal lives are policed more and more. “Nobody is talking about this” is legitimate criticism when we’re talking about a horrifying event people may be unaware of, but lazy writing when we’re talking about something that both evidently affects many people and ... is being discussed. It allows you to fill an article with righteous indignation about how people aren’t doing something rather than just... doing it. As it is, I’ve read multiple articles about people missing grandchildren, wanting to see recently born babies, missing their friends, struggling with this whilst being single. I’ve read articles about the lonely and vulnerable. And actually, more articles about all those things when you add them up, than I’ve seen about romantic relationships. Which is great - because this pandemic and the lockdown are having a massive effect on a lot of people in many ways, and it personally interests me that we record those experiences and share them. I’ve even seen so many articles about people missing going to the pub, or which restaurants they wish they could visit. And that’s OK, it can be the little things about normality that we miss. I miss museum dates, for example, and there wasn’t even any sex involved! We all miss normality. And I’ve had those conversations in real life, too. These conversations are important, but it’s possible to have them without downplaying something that doesn’t matter to you when it obviously matters to other people. I have been single for long periods of time; I’d be the first to suggest here’s more to life than romantic relationships. Hell, at times that was my absolute last priority. I’ve lived away from friends and family - I am not new to loving people at a distance, and it’s still been hard despite my having the experience to deal with it. If anything, this pandemic just shows how those links feel very different, when we’re not able to travel. Suddenly everyone feels much further away, and I re-evaluate just how happy I am to live far away. For what it’s worth, I think we need more articles highlighting how difficult it is to manage all sorts of interpersonal relatioships at a distance as lockdowns ease. And as someone who’s in a romantic relationship, the pain of bieng isolated in all these spheres just isn’t the same. I miss hugging my mum. And I miss my friends. And I miss my boyfriend. It all hurts. Looking at her own personal examples, the crux of the matter isn’t that she can’t see her family or friends - it’s that most of them live far away, and even if they live nearby, she’s not allowed to hug them. I’d love to hear more about people’s lives - what they are missing, what they hope to be able to do soon. And I can completely empathise with her: I wish I could see my sister, too: I’ve only seen her once since lockdown, briefly and under social distancing. I miss my friends - we live far apart but that used to be easier to bridge when we weren’t under lockdown. I have friends’ babies I’m yet to meet. New BFs yet to be introduced, etc. Weddings we’ve all missed. I can fully empathise with the author’s frustration at being unable to do these things - it has truly had a significant impact on my life this year that I’m mssing out on many of these things too. But that doesn’t in the slightest make it any less awful that I can’t be with my boyfriend, too.

#sex and relationships #jesus christ #i would never have predicted I'd be out here talking about how sex is important to people #it isn't even that important to me personally most of the time #but come on #long post #covid-19 journal

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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The butt slap was ad libbed according to the writer. The whole it was the bi bookend to the waitress slap was not a thing. SIGH. This stuff kind of proves how a lot of queer meta is a lot of guesswork that rarely pans out. Posters in the background that must mean a thing, suddenly don't mean that thing. Macho male posturing about triplets suddenly becomes "but who says they were women" like if queer men actually brag the same way straight men do! They don't! Triplets = women. Come on! CRINGES

I’ll take “passive aggressive ‘I’m a tired concerned fan’ masquerade” for exhibit 3, as if anything I’ve talked about was at all contingent on the ass slap, and as if I’ve been engaging at all in that corner, and as if honestly that detail was even marginally relevant beyond something to chuckle at with a smile.

Lmao even the genders of the triplets are literally irrelevant in this conversation, that’s the most hilarious fucking thing. This fandom is so wrapped up in its own hilarious and frankly, half-hysterical dialogue that they get caught in the strangest hair splitting that honestly, when you’ve never plugged into this ridiculous escalation culture? I don’t… think you realize how funny it is to watch.

How Funny-Unfunny. Laugh or you’ll cry. The fact that you even GALAXY BRAINED up this post with those arguments and really thought to bring this to my wall.

Literally guys what kind of ridiculous hetnorm culture have you been not just saturated into but trained into drawing *the most* regressive arguments and giving it platform? I recently just listed a whole assed adventure in literal queer representation history. Like, the way actual cinema history works. And it’s messy, and it’s sloppy, and half of you would flay the content, but it’s us, because people are messy.

Aside from that, whether or not you clearly haven’t watched Oz,as coffeebrainblog has pointed out, or any of the groundbreaking films that DID do the kind of bold representation work this fandom implicitly footstomps for – unless you really watch your share of documentaries – Tongues Untied, even if it’s intersectional with the black community; Learn. Your. LGBT. History. Before. Engaging.

If your entire premise ends up centrally featuring what is, essentially, alt-right viewpoints (eg not gay if the dicks don’t touch because ewww; three+somes in regards to generational closeted queer culture, or certain preformances of affection expected of characters in the show, all kinds of shit the LGBT community has talked to death and explained and featured and held LONG DIALOGUES WITH TREMENDOUS NUANCE)

And here’s supposedly socially liberal tumblr or whatever with people explicitly going to 1. unearth these mindsets (if not actually having internalized them) 2. Delete content 3. use arguments entirely premised in like, ignorance of how many decades of LGBT discussion because someone literally chooses to elevate alt right thinking as if it’s even an argument angle to bring to the table in the year of our lord 2019.

You REALLY THINK a fucking middle aged LGBT male political rights activist who was writing polemic commentary about LGBT representation via incrementalization BEFORE SUPERNATURAL EVER EXISTED much less before he wrote on it – what, is writing this content for the alt right conservative demographic he drops Trumps America burns on at any time? Or that he has no idea how to arrange queer content, which I’m sure you have other hilariously disconnected-from-the-text-value arguments like this original anon. You know, it’s not a mix tape bro, because anyone in the actual represented character demographic would know what that is, it’s just a tape of songs Dean likes. Yes, literal argument of hilarity heard. No, absolutely not relevant to the discussions of our canon and not whatever the mythical monolithic GA this fandom dreams up yeets themselves to either.

So this shit? Yeah nah. Miss me with that fam. Watching people still trapped in hetnorm ideals and heavy internalized dialogues talk down their own content while disregarding actual lgbt media representative history and the political activist author on deck that has been open about this very same issue is some whole other form of Dumbass Circus people are choosing to perform.

Not to mention this new bizarre purity culture of representation people will only accept now that no actual rep guideline discussions ever came up with, we just want to be “represented” by people who don’t sometimes do bad things. And yes, the nature of conservative representation has also been dogged to death by Bobo, along with packaged heteronormative picture framing of gay men ala Pete Buttigieg. And no, what you think is “conservative representation” (eg, haven’t popped out in a coming out ceremony that was full central text, haven’t been illustrated in bed even if the straight couples don’t anymore, haven’t kissed even though… the straight… pairings… don’t…. ) Conservative means all these fucked up ideas framing this conversations right here and right now officer.

Well that and in the other corner the people that keep trying to bring incest into LGBT discussion. Which IS, according to representation guidelines and again, decades of internal discussion that is already WELL PAST any of the arguments someone with their Ao3 ship has come up with and spun this fandom in circles about – generally, it’s actually conservative rhetoric to try to include that in LGBT discussion too. Which is why it’s banned to begin with. It’s defamatory because it’s literally a slippery slope argument used to strip us of rights. And no, we don’t want it here, and we don’t claim it and we never will and this was settled decades ago kiddos, right alongside pedophilia and beastiality which, surprise, are all summarily forms of rape. No, “consensual incest” got put down like a fucked dog too years ago, don’t. Don’t start.

So even the fandom’s habit of trying to blend “all ships [in fanon] are equal” into “all ships are equal” in the representation field already pitched you more right-of-center than america is with the rest of the world, and then everything after that has been one downhill spiral anchored in a thousand representation activists that don’t know representation history. A lot have come around. Thankfully there’s a very low volume of y’all that haven’t started tuning in to the LGBT middle aged man you’re saying you’re here to represent. There’s poorly-trafficed failed tumblr threads and a handful of anons, and beyond that, a few people mistakenly choosing to cycle this regressive dialogue by what ultimately amounts to social pressures skewing perception. Now just waiting for everyone to catch on to how illusory those social pressures and perceptions are.

Literally ignoring decades of nuanced discussion of LGBT cinema media representation elevating voiceboxes of LGBT men, and the voice of an LGBT male author in the demographic, who was politically active before some people here knew how to read. What a bizarre “representation” discussion.

So before anyone starts talking representation in canon, why not go back and review queer canon. Yes, that big list I posted. That is literally a list of queer representation canon, long before you ever started yelling about a gay angel.

#i don't do stan bullshit #but if i stan one person #i stan bobo berens #his level of galaxy brain #actual galaxy brain #not like nonnie's idea of galaxy brain #has made such vicious commentary ON the fandom #and this bullshit right here #on such a high level it just whiffed by everybody #but that's a whole other topic I've banged on about #seriously guys #if you're going to act like this is about activism #educate yourselves on the history of it all #wtf #i can't emphasize this enough #bobo is actually dean and cas(visual) demographic #i'm p sure we won't find a 2 billion year old agender guy to ask how to rep #so middle aged is probably the fairest demographic for him too #respectively #but that all said #all this young activism #bobo was once a young activist too #and he wrote shit #and we've held entire discussions about this shit #and yet we're still sitting right fucking here #and now Bobo's an old but still progressive activist #and standing in front of ice walls #and then bringing you lovely queer content #and this is what the fandom does to the discussion #i can't

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purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

921

LOL was gone for a while to attempt doing that ridiculous 5000 survey myself again and I really thought I was going to breeze through it this time. 2 1/2 weeks and 2500 questions later, I need a fucking break. Need normal surveys plz.

What was the best thing to happen to you this week? Got to visit Gabie today! I brought Cooper as well so that she, her sisters, and their puppy Tofu could finally meet him. Fun day, but I am beat. The blackout yesterday also made me revisit painting, and that felt so good too.

Where do you put your keys when you get home? It always differs, idk why I never picked up a routine. Sometimes I set it on the dining table, other times on the decorative table in the living room, and other times I bring it up with me to my room.

Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee? I preferred hot (warm would be more accurate) for the longest time but once I went iced, I never wanted to go back.

What's your phone background picture? I recently changed my lock screen to one of Audrey Hepburn. My home screen is still Hayley Williams.

If you could move to any country, what would it be? Anywhere with a clean and honest government sounds like heaven.

Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? No. Can’t say there’s a lot of them here in the city, and I’ve never seen any in my trip to provinces either.

What's your favourite movie from the 80s? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Do you have any posters, paintings or other artwork on your walls? I have at least one of each of these, yes.

What would your dream wedding be like? Huge. I’d want a long guest list, expansive food choices, and acts that can provide good music throughout the evening. I never really throw parties for myself, so I would want at least my own wedding to be big.

Would you ever take a trip to space if given the chance? Yesssssss.

How do you cope with anxiety? I'm lucky to have found different outlets, so that said I usually choose from taking surveys, watching a favorite channel on YouTube, turning to my dogs, going to social media to see dumb memes, or taking a nap altogether. Of course there’ll always be those days where none of these work out and I’ll have to just cry through the anxiety attacks until they’re over.

Are you expecting any phone calls or emails? I’m expecting an email from my college, yes. I’m currently applying for civil service eligibility and they’re asking for documents that only the college can provide, so I emailed them a couple of days ago asking for assistance, and that’s considering we’re still under a lockdown and most offices are still under skeleton staffing.

What's the weather like in your part of the world right now? LOVELY. I actually wear oversized sweaters to bed now and I even managed to wear a thick denim jacket out today. The rainy weather has settled beautifully, and I’m perfectly fine with 24ºC-28ºC everyday.

What was the last takeout food you ate? My mom bought me and my siblings a chicken sandwich and chicken nuggets each from McDonald’s last week.

Who makes you laugh the most? Definitely someone from my college barkada. I can’t decide whether it’s Aya, Kate, JM, or Jum; they’re all equally hilarious as fuck.

Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? See these questions are always weird to me because my country has its own naming customs; it’s basically a mix of American and Spanish customs. We have two first names (where Westerners would understand their second ‘first’ name to be their middle name) and our actual legal middle name is our mother’s maiden surname (which I think doesn’t apply at all in the Western world). So to answer this I’ll go with our own customs and say that no, I don’t know of anyone who has the same middle name as me. It’s not a very common surname anyway.

What did you have done the last time you saw a dentist? Had a tooth removed. I don’t think it was a wisdom tooth; it was just a tooth at the back of my mouth that had been in pretty bad shape for years but was only discovered at that time.

What does a successful relationship look like to you? I believe the formula is different for every couple. Like I value constant communication and checkups, but others might not feel the need to be clingy or update their significant others all the time.

What do you like to put on your baked potato? Don’t really have these a lot, but I remember when my mom used to make baked potatoes with bacon and cheese and those were unbelievably good.

What field of science interests you the most? Biology. <3 I’m sure I would’ve taken up medicine if I only wasn’t so bad in the rest of the sciences.

What's the closest shop or restaurant to your house? There aren’t any nearby shops since I live in a gated community, but once you get out of the village’s main gate, the first thing to the left is a McDonald’s. To the right is a small complex with a hair salon, burger place, music school, and one of those boujee stores that sell hype clothing.

Do you have any family that live in another country? So many relatives. We’re Filipinos, man. We migrate everyfuckingwhere. As far as I know I have family living in the US, Canada, Vietnam, Japan, China, Australia, and New Zealand.

What colour is your couch? Gray.

Do you know how to care for plants and keep them alive? Not at all. Every single plant that I’ve been given as a gift or party giveaway has died on me.

What was the most memorable birthday you've had? 18th was awesome. Cruise trip, hotel stay with friends, Tiendesitas + noodle date with Gab. How I got away with three separate celebrations without my parents saying anything about it I’ll never know.

Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains? Beach. The area where I live is mountainous as it is; as someone who’s always lived and studied in the city, a trip to the beach in the province never gets old.

What do you do for work? I don’t have any yet but I’m waiting for openings for our national agency for either history, or culture and the arts. My plans have shifted recently and I’m now eyeing to work for either instead of rotting away while underpaid at a corporate agency.

Have you ever been to see the circus? No. I wouldn’t be interested either; they all just seem so harsh and unethical.

Are there any words that you hate or make you cringe? Sure.

What is the best house you've ever lived in? The one we live in today has been the most comfortable; but I also hold a lot of nostalgia for my dad’s parents’ house in Tondo because of how raw Manila life was there. Life wasn’t pretty, but it did feel real.

What was the first CD you ever bought? The first CD I actively wanted my parents to buy for me was probably the High School Musical soundtrack, heheh.

Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yeah, always. Wanna make sure my shirt is tucked in properly (if it is), or that my jeans aren’t cuffed funny or whatever else.

What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? I’ve mentioned this before but it was the Indian dessert gulab jamun. Really did not expect the flavor that came in when it hit my mouth.

Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? I’ve never had a legit job, but when Jeuel quit the org a couple of years ago because of ~irreconcilable differences~ between him and us officers in the executive board it did feel a tad bit dramatic and passive-aggressive.

What movie reminds you of your childhood? Shrek 2 or The Game Plan.

Do you know why your parents named you what they did? The singer named Robyn was really big then and they ended up being fans of the name.

Do you have any bills that need to be paid? None of my own. My parents usually pay the family bills immediately, so I don’t think we have any pending payments for now.

What do you like to dip your fries in? Mayonnaise.

Is your house clean or messy right now? It’s always clean as my mom is extremely tidy.

What was the last email you received? It’s one of the job-hunting websites I’ve signed up for, giving me job alerts for new openings in my chosen industries.

Do you know someone who speaks without a filter? Yeah and I know people who do it responsibly and those who just come off as tactless.

Are you in any social groups? We call our college group the Daydrinkers, since our friendship began when we started constantly hanging out at nearby bars at like 2 PM, during our breaks lol. I used to be in a barkada in high school but Angela and I broke apart from that since we couldn’t deal with Athenna’s toxicity anymore, though I still keep in touch with most of them, like Chelsea and Kaira. Since then Angela and I have formed our own group consisting mostly of Angela’s friends from architecture and Hans’ friends from Ateneo.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Sigh, around 4. I don’t know why it was so few, but it also means that I’m currently drowsy as all hell at 9:03 PM. I will most likely turn in for bed after this.

What's your favourite kind of museum? Those that cover history, so museums that have artifacts and fossils and shit.

Do you believe in alternate universes? I like the idea, and I love literature that explores the idea of alternate realities, multiple universes, pocket universes, etc. Whether or not I believe they exist...idk. I don’t think about it that much in literal terms. < Yeah pretty much. Gaby Dunn wrote an amazing piece on multiverses and that was what got me to find comfort in the idea.

Whose house did you last visit? I was at Gabie’s place this afternoon. We had burritos, talked about career prospects, and puppy-sat our babies.

What games do you play on your smart phone? I turn to 1010 when I’m bored or anxious. I have like 30 other games but I never touch them lol, but I do keep them should the time be right to whip them out.

Have you ever been to Los Angeles? I have not.

What was the first concert you ever went to? Paramore, February 2013. I was a late bloomer; kids my age started going to concerts at least three years before that.

Do you know anyone who is colourblind? I don’t think so.

What's your favourite season and why? The wet season, because it’s colder and I hate the heat during the dry season.

Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? I’m the eldest.

If you had to make something for a potluck, what would you make? I recently watched this phenomenal recipe for 48-hour chocolate chip cookies that looked absolutely bonkers when they were done baking. I’d for sure give those a try for dessert. If that fails I’d just buy the food so that what I bring is more guaranteed to be good.

What kinds of decorations do you put up at Halloween? My family has never cared much for Halloween. It’s not even a legit holiday, so as much as I love Halloween I don’t think I would spend for decorations myself to decorate my own place. The only instance I imagine doing so would be if I have kids of my own who may want to get into the Halloween ~spirit.

How many tabs do you have open right now? In my current window, eight.

What's something you've been meaning to do but keep putting off? Taking another online course, just because it’s great to learn new things and earn free certifications while at it. I haven’t been doing a good job at being consistent with them, though.

What's the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day? Facebook since it’s my primary social media now. Literally never thought this day would come.

Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah but it’s been a while.

Who was your favourite music artist when you were 16? This was the time I was slowly moving away from my punk phase and inching closer to Athenna’s music tastes, so I was into acts like Hozier, Banks, Daya, Twenty One Pilots, etc.

What are three things you usually always have in your fridge? Water, bread, eggs.

#survey #surveys

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lampmeeting · 4 years

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since i can now do this ldsfk 1-Metalocalypse (obvi) and 2 Chickles back at you :3

oh HELL yeah *rubs hands together* okay this’ll be long so i’ll do a cut

Favorite character: PICKLESSSSS

Least Favorite character: everyone says rockso and like I GET IT he’s revolting, but my ultimate least-fave is toki’s dad. fuck that old man.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): CHICKLES, HAMMERTOOTH, uhhhh (what else is there?? i’m kidding) nathan/abigail, charles/magnus, nathan/toki

Character I find most attractive: oh fuck don’t do this to me. i have too many types!! i can’t pick! fuck. i’m just gonna say charles. even though it’s magnus. wait. no. it’s pickles. charles. toki. fuck. magnus. i can’t do it dfkgjhf

Character I would marry: realistically?? like, i would say charles but unless i’m a member of dethklok i’m gonna be getting like .02% of that man’s time. honestly i would pick toki or nathan. toki would be so sweet and attentive, all the huggings and kissings, awww. nathan i feel would be the same, but only in private. you gotta kinda work on him a lil bit haha.

Character I would be best friends with: my heart says pickles but my soul says murderface. i would FOR SURE laugh at one of his off-hand under-his-breath comments because that’s just what i do, i fucking laugh at everything, and he’d be like OH? someone thinks i’m funny?? and then my life would never know peace (in a good way)

A random thought: i wanna hear all the dethklok albums from before the show started. like that album where their abs were airbrushed, wtf did that sound like?

An unpopular opinion: season 4 was good. :O i feel like i hear the sentiment from quite a few people that season 4 on the whole was bad. i love all the seasons equally actually.

My Canon OTP: CHICKLES. may i present to the court, exhibit A *points to my icon* (shhh no, let me dream)

My Non-canon OTP: toki/magnus :’) i think this is just about as non-canon as you can get, really. but the heart wants what it wants.

Most Badass Character: DEFINITELY charles.

Most Epic Villain: sorry, mags... salacia.

Pairing I am not a fan of: i think i’m willing to at least entertain most any ship. i’ve read some interesting things for sure. i draw the line at seth/pickles though (i’m glad that doesn’t really seem to exist anymore? it was around more back in the day).

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): aside from magnus and abigail, who both needed WAY more screen time?? i would say dr rockso in a sense. he was sort of that kooky rascal you wave your finger at when he gets in trouble, and then they had to go and do the whole dory mclean thing. and i get the point of the episode, but after that i wasn’t rooting for rockso anymore and he kinda became more of this sinister kinda figure? i dunno. i think that whole angle could’ve been done away with and it would’ve been a lot better. also him trying to fucking drown toki in the christmas episode. 8( ouch, man.

Favourite Friendship: probably nathan and pickles, since they’re the lynchpin of the whole outfit.

Character I most identify with: pickles with some toki on the side. :’) ahhh.

Character I wish I could be: i wanna be that girl that nathan was dating for a while, the one the boys end up befriending and playing scrabble with. i want to be their friiiiiiiiiend

OKAY CHICKLES TIIIIIIIME

When I started shipping them: WELL....okay so i actually just went back and looked at my old deviantart account and the first drawing i did of them (yes i’m linking to 14-year-old art pls don’t judge me) was on Oct. 18, 2006, so like...the dethfam episode hadn’t even aired yet. god damn. there was someone in the sausage festival livejournal community who had drawn the two of them, and then i fucking went ravenous for it real quick and it became like the only thing i drew for months hahaha. i had been nickles up until then. :O

My thoughts: MY THOUGHTS??? this is so vague. i have many thoughts. uh, for one? they’re perfect together? the straight-laced workaholic and the lazy degenerate? yes please, gimme. they’re like yin and yang, opposites attracting. and yet i feel like, once they get past that, they realize they’re both so similar at their cores. and pickles helps charles loosen up, and charles gives pickles some structure. they both give each other someone to lean on when shit gets bad. pickles can be a surprisingly good caretaker when he wants to be. :’)

What makes me happy about them: everything?? i really don’t know how to adequately describe just how much i love them and just how much that means hahah... you ever ship something for 14 years?? i know some of y’all have. it gets in your blood. that’s like over a third of my life right there. not to be dramatic or anything hahaha but they’re important to me. that ship helped get me through some rough months back when i lived alone in a crappy apartment, and it’s hilarious to me that i’m getting back into it hardcore like i was back then considering everything that’s going on right now, just current events-wise and personal stuff-wise.

What makes me sad about them: god damn, anything about those 9 months charles spent “dead”. anything post-doomstar. anything snakes ‘n barrels where they’re together for a short time and then never see each other until charles becomes dethklok’s manager. pickles pining after him for like a decade after the band forms. or charles pining, having to watch pickles party and do drunks and sleep around. or BOTH of them pining and not realizing it, or REALIZING IT and not acting on it because what if it hurt the band somehow? maybe charles wouldn’t want to jeopardize it but pickles would be okay with it, and charles would have to be the one to say no. ahhhhhhhHHHHHH

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: oof, i agree with you here, Ash. i’ve read a couple fics where, like, the bdsm aspect wasn’t even fun. i probably know the exact fic that left a bad taste in your mouth because there’s one specific one i’m thinking of that left a bad taste in mine (actually two...). like i had to actually get up from the computer and go do dishes hahah... uck. but yeah. don’t like charles being abusive to pickles. i think pickles does like some punishment from time to time, and he definitely has some daddy issues. but i don’t want it to get fucking sinister haha y’know? pickles, at his heart, is a good-times guy. he likes good feelings. he wants to feel nice. and charles, at HIS heart, is all about service.

Things I look for in fanfic: are they in love or just hooking up?? i mean i’ll take either at the end of the day, but i’m a romantic and i need the love, i crave it.

My wishlist: give to me all the fics about snakes n’ barrels chickles. how i haven’t written one baffles me (though i did have that huge plot write-up from months back haha...i should turn that into a real fic sometime). would also love a huge fic about their marriage, complete with canon-typical buffoonery. fics about them retiring together. ;0; fics about them just having nice peaceful moments. literally just.....any fic haha...

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: my soul literally begins to shatter apart if i consider them ultimately ending up with anyone else hahaha... other relationships can come and go, but at the end of the line i need those boys to be together. <3

My happily ever after for them: after galaktikon II, dethklok has kinda run its course. the band uses their near-infinite resources to help rebuild the earth. shortly after, it’s pickles who proposes in a surprising turn of events. shaken after the battle, he doesn’t wanna waste any more time. they get married barefoot on the beach probably in like fiji or something (pickles’ idea) with friends and family present (the okay ones haha, also magnus is there with toki because this is my dream, damnit). pickles has white flowers in his dreads in lieu of a bouquet. T~T everything goes well, no one crashes the wedding. they have a lovely honeymoon there when everyone else leaves. pickles says he’s decided to retire from music, but it’s not long before he’s working feverishly on new music in the home studio at their new place. some real expansive stuff. he’s kinda doing it as a weird therapy, coming to terms with some stuff. he never gets clean but he’s not using drugs and alcohol as a band-aid for his problems quite so much anymore. charles retires from managing bands (he doesn’t have the heart for it if it’s not dethklok) and ends up doing the adjunct professor thing whenever he gets bored. but he practices guitar a lot, pickles teaching him some advanced stuff, they jam together sometimes. he takes up sailing because it’s something he’s always wanted to do but never had time for. after pickles releases his first solo album, charles takes him on a long, romantic sailing trip. everything is perfect, everything’s gonna be good forever. 8′) forever. the end.

#SORRY THAT HAPPILY EVER AFTER QUESTION REALLY ACTIVATED ME #i went into a trance i think hahah #anyway thank you T~T i love ranting about them #insomniac-pens

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starfiretheninja · 4 years

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The Photo is Mightier Than the Sword- Teen Titans Zine

So I was a pinch hitter on the Teen Titans Zine! While my piece didn’t make it into the final zine (how dare more writers not drop out = P), this was good practice for me. Besides, I shouldn’t pass up a good opportunity to write more Cyborg/Starfire friendship using an idea I’ve had for a while. Thank you @teentitanszine for hosting this and I hope you all enjoy!

“Starfire! Starfire!”

“Remember your manners, sweetie!”

The heroine turned her head to the call, joyfully surprised to see a child running towards her. The child’s mother followed shortly after, pulling a small device out of her purse as the girl skidded to a stop.

“Hi! I’m Marie and you’re my favorite and canIhaveapicturewithyou?” she asked in rapid-fire. Marie bounced on her toes, expression unabashedly excited.

Cyborg, who had been walking with Starfire, aww-ed and elbowed her playfully.

“Looks like you’ve got your first fan.”

Starfire absolutely melted at the adorableness and eagerness of the girl. Flattered that an Earthling would ask any favor of her when she had arrived on the planet not long ago, she instantly agreed.

“Hello, Marie! Of course, you may! Tell me, what do your people use to take pictures?” she inquired.

“Mommy’s phone! Did you hear that, Mommy? She knows my name!” Marie squealed excitedly. Her mother smiled, relieved that her daughter’s day would be made.

“Yes I did, sweetie. Stand next to her and smile like I showed you,” she said gently, opening the phone and holding it out in their direction.

“A phone?” Starfire puzzled. From her understanding, ‘phone’ referred to ‘telephone’ which was used to transmit sounds from one device to another. Were they also capable of photography?

Next to her, Cyborg patted her shoulder, a warm smile taking over.

“Here, Star. You see that?” he asked, pointing at the woman’s phone. Starfire nodded. “Phones have cameras built into them, and they can take photos. All you have to do is smile at it until she’s pressed the button? Alright?”

“It’s easy!” Marie piped up, taking Starfire’s hand in hers. “And you can’t blink because Mommy will have to take it again.”

Starfire looked closer at the phone, spotting what looked to be a shutter mechanism on the back. Her face brightened, excited to be documented as one of Marie’s happy memories. Closing her fingers around Marie’s small hand, she answered,

“I see. Come little friend, we will make sure that this photo is full of smiles!”

“Yeah! Lots of smiles!”

Cyborg stood off to the side as Marie’s mother took a few photos. Both girls were ecstatic and had a difficult time keeping still. Afterwards, Marie’s mother showed Starfire the photo and thanked the Titans for their time. Marie said goodbye and skipped down the street with her mother as Starfire waved after them.

A few moments passed, and a bittersweet thought occurred to Starfire.

“Oh, it would be most wonderful if we also could have photos of our joyful times. I fear I may not be able to remember them all.”

“I mean, you can.”

“How so?”

“Your communicator has a camera option. Robin insisted it’s mainly for taking evidence from crime scenes, but he never said you couldn’t use it for other things,” Cyborg said, a grin forming.

Gasping loudly, Starfire whipped out her communicator and shoved it into Cyborg’s hands.

“Please show me how to find this feature! I will use it to the upmost of my ability.” she declared, her enthusiasm brimming so much so that she was floating. Cyborg simply couldn’t say no to someone with such childlike eagerness.

Moving to stand next to her, Cyborg explained how to change the settings between camera and video call, as well as how to view her photos. Starfire followed his instructions with diligence.

“Like so?”

“Perfect!”

Click!

Upon viewing the photo, Starfire squealed and threw her arms around Cyborg’s neck. Thankfully, she mainly squeezed his metallic armor instead of his skin with her alien strength.

“Oh, thank you, friend Cyborg! I shall cherish this memory for as long as I live!” she gushed.

Moved by her sheer joy, Cyborg patted her back and tried not to sniffle.

“Anything for a friend, Star. Now come on, let’s show off your photography skills to everyone else.”

After a few months of honing her craft, Cyborg had to hand it to Starfire that she could take some of the most unexpected photos. Every so often he asked if she took any interesting ones lately. The highlights included her Tamaranean food unexpectedly exploding, Beast Boy looking like a floating mishmash of animal limbs mid-transformation, and Robin in the middle of face planting on the gym floor.

All Robin asked of her was that she did not release any of her photos to the news outlets, especially the tabloids.

Other than the unintentionally hilarious, great-for-blackmail material, Cyborg found that Starfire liked to take photos of herself on outings with their friends from a bird’s eye view. Always floating, no matter the context. And frankly, it made for unique angles that Cyborg wished he could reach.

One day, Cyborg took a photo of himself grinning proudly on a stack of crates overlooking the T-Ship. He didn’t want to forget what a great waxing job he did before the Titans inevitably dirtied his creation on their next mission. Starfire, who happened to pass by at that moment, asked if she could look at his photo. Cyborg complied, and Starfire gave him a wide smile.

“This is most impressive! You managed to capture the entirety of the T-Ship despite its substantial size,” she complimented.

“Ah, it’s nothing really. I was just proud of my baby,” Cyborg blushed, rubbing the top of his head. Starfire shook her head.

“It is not nothing if it has meaning to you,” Starfire said in a serious tone. Then, clapping her hands together, she said cheerfully, “And besides, this angle makes the ship look very shiny!”

“Well, thanks! I wanted to make sure all the work I did this afternoon was well documented. But it’ll be a while before I can take a better shot than you,” Cyborg added. He realized that it sounded as if he was demeaning himself, but in reality, he truly admired Starfire’s artistic vision. Her uninhibition in what should be captured stemmed from her lack of understanding of Earth’s standards for how a photo should look. That was a rare gift.

Luckily for Cyborg, Starfire took his complement as intended. But let it never be said she didn’t know how to try to boost another’s self-esteem.

“I am certain that you will be able to best me in ‘capturing the shot’. With due practice of course, as I have explored the world of photos for many months now.”

She meant it in the friendliest way possible. However, an idea sparked in Cyborg’s mind. He would never be able to beat her weight-lifting records or outrace her in the obstacle course. But perhaps this was a test that he could prove to be her equal in.

“Is that a challenge? Because I need one right now. Beating BB at Go Racers! is almost a given at this point,” Cyborg proposed, waggling his eyebrow.

Cyborg always craved new ways to seize the day. And a friendly competition with his friend was the perfect novelty to take on.

Starfire took a moment to consider his offer.

“A photography battle? Certainly unusual, but perhaps not unprecedented. What are the conditions of said contest?” she inquired, wanting to ensure fair play.

“Best photo with a fun background and interesting angles by the end of the week wins. Beast Boy will be the judge, he’ll actually be fun about it.” Cyborg held out his hand. “What do you say?”

Starfire paused, then gleefully smiled. She took his hand and shook it, taking care to not crush it by accidental enthusiasm.

“If you insist, then, how do you say, it is ‘the on’.”

And so, the battle began.

“I demand a rematch! When did you even make the time to visit the Arctic Circle?” Cyborg practically shrieked, his pitch rising much higher than normal.

In response, Starfire merely blinked.

“Everyone was busy, so I spent no more than a half hour to fly there, play with the cubs, then return. Although the mother was very displeased to find me with her babies and prevented me from staying longer.”

Cyborg’s metallic shoulders slumped, having been defeating so easily by innocent bear cubs.

“Oh, come on! How is that fair? It took me three days to track down the best view in the city and you don’t even need a plastic globe to make your way north. Back me up, man,” Cyborg begged his green friend.

Beast Boy, having barely contained his snickering up until this point, wiped a tear from his eye. He was drinking in every moment of Cyborg losing to something couldn’t tackle with a snarky remark or by hacking a software.

“Sorry, dude. But you just can’t beat fluffy polar bears. Seriously though, they’re so adorable!” he turned to Starfire to fawn over them.

“The most adorable! And they waved their paws at me like a human. I did not know bears were capable of mimicking such behaviors.”

Cyborg couldn’t take it. He may have been at a disadvantage not being able to fly at light speed around the globe, but he would find a way to win fairly if it killed him.

“Okay, new rule!” he declared, reclaiming his friends attention. “The photo has to include something that’s part of America, location or otherwise. I can drive anywhere within a couple hours, but I ain’t about to fly to India just to get the Taj Mahal in the frame.”

After pondering for a moment, Starfire nodded her head.

“I suppose that is a fair rule to abide by.”

Beast Boy promptly raised his hand.

“What about the White House replica in China?” Beast Boy asked. The other Titans stared at him, confused as to what he had just said. “What? Robin lectured me on knowing the difference between authentics and fakes the other day. And he wouldn’t let me forget that a fake White House exists.”

“Wait, really? Why would they- anyway no it doesn’t count. Has to be made in America or it’s out. Just you wait, Star. The next one will steal the show,” Cyborg promised, setting his fists on his hips.

“Not if I find another difficult-to-track treasure first!” Starfire leaped up, eager to engage in competitive combat once more.

“Oh, Cyborg! May we include this location in our ongoing competition?”

The Titans latest mission had called them to the heart of Amazonia. While the weather was a mixed bag of hot and muggy and drenching rains, no one could deny that the colors and wildlife were beyond gorgeous. Even Raven cracked a smile at the moss-covered sloths creeping along the overhead vines.

Cyborg considered her suggestion. It would be a shame to not capture such a spectacular place in photograph form. And besides, he didn’t want to exhaust all of his American bucket list locations too quickly. He wanted something left to explore on his next road trip excursion.

“Well, we are both here at the same time. New rule: as long as we’re both here on a mission or for some other reason, this area is game.”

“Game?”

“He means you can include it in your game,” Raven said in her usual monotone.

Starfire lit up, already brimming with the possibilities that the dense jungle offered.

“Most excellent! I will have many tropical animals to find once our mission is complete.”

“Just don’t go swimming in the river. I’m pretty sure that water’s teeming with piranhas and it wouldn’t be any fun if you lost your arms to some hungry fish,” Cyborg joked.

Starfire, having become wary due to multiple white lies Beast Boy had told her to get a laugh, frowned at this ‘advice’. She was still deducing how to tell the difference between a practical joke and a helpful truth.

“How do I know you are not attempting to dissuade me from an exemplary location? Most of your body is likely resilient to the razor teeth of these piranhas, so is that not an ‘unfair advantage’?”

Starfire recognized that they had different strengths, but she was assured that the rules were set in place to keep their competition fairly balanced. She wasn’t about to let her friend trick her into losing a prized photo.

Cyborg started running calculations on how much damage he would sustain were he to be attacked by a school of piranhas. He figured that it would be minimal so long as he kept his head out of the water, so maybe it was worth a shot.

“Now that you mention it . . .”

“Don’t even think about it.” Robin warned him.

“Beast Boy, you must assist me! Cyborg will surely win as I have no new photos to offer this time,” Starfire lamented. She had wracked her brain all week for a stellar idea, but she was facing what Raven called ‘artist’s block’. Nothing seemed good enough and time was quickly running out.

While he was impartial on who won, Beast Boy did prefer to help Starfire as she was less likely to know what was available to her. Alas, having fried his brain on another all-night movie marathon, he was utterly incapable of helping his distraught friend.

“I don’t know if I can. I’ve exhausted any ideas I had. And you’ve been to pretty much every monument on the planet,” he groaned.

“I know of many other planets that would provide excellent ‘drop of the backs’, but that is against the rules.”

“We could always try hitting up Titans East. Maybe Aqualad knows a nice beach somewhere on the coast,” Beast Boy suggested

“I am not so certain he can help. I believe I overheard Robin say that he was on an important mission in Washington,” she recalled.

“Well then, where else can we look? “I know a place.”

The Titans nearly jumped out of their skins, not having realized Raven had practically materialized in the hallway. Then, processing what she said, they latched onto her.

“Dude, where?!”

“Please tell!”

Raven sighed, putting up with their grips on her shoulders for the moment.

“You need something American, right?”

The two Titans nodded hurriedly, releasing their hold on her so she would continue.

“What’s an American landmark that’s not on Earth?” Raven started cryptically.

“Uh . . . Satellites?” Beast Boy suggested, earning a deadpan stare from Raven.

“Does America extend past the atmosphere?” she said irritated.

“Okay probably not,” the changeling tapped his fingers together. “But seriously, what are you thinking of?”

“In layman’s terms, think of something red, white, and blue,” Raven hinted, hoping that they would get it this time.

A light bulb went off in Beast Boy’s head.

“A flag! The flag!” Beast Boy shook Starfire’s shoulder excitedly. “Star, there’s one on the moon. It’s perfect!”

Starfire gasped loudly, her earlier despair giving way to a wave of creative energy and hope. There was no way she would roll over in defeat this time.

Enveloping Raven in a tight hug, she swung her increasingly disgruntled friend in a circle before releasing her.

“Oh yes! Thank you, Raven! Please keep this a secret, as I wish to surprise Cyborg tomorrow.”

Raven was too busy getting the oxygen that was squeezed out of her back into her lungs to reply for a moment.

“You can count on me not to blab,” she wheezed, her ashen grey color returning to her face.

“I need to get my camera ready. Cy’s face is going to be priceless,” Beast Boy said with a devious grin.

“Oh Cyborg,” Beast Boy called in a sing-song voice to draw Cyborg’s attention from scrubbing down his beloved car.

“I believe I have bested you for this round,” Starfire said gleefully as they approached him.

“Aw now hang on, I’m pretty sure I have this in the bag,” Cyborg said, holding his chin confidently. Pulling out his communicator, he presented his work before the two. “Booyah!”

The two gawked before the image. Cyborg was standing on a rocky ledge along the water, sun low in the sky, while a killer whale was arching in a leap above him. It was perfection.

“Free Willy? Dude, how?! I thought I was the only animal charmer around here,” Beast Boy sputtered in disbelief.

“I do not understand. Is Willy the name of this particular killer whale?” Starfire inquired.

“Let’s just say I ran into Aqualad in the Pacific Northwest and he owed me one,” Cyborg answered cheekily.

“Some mission, Cy!”

“You may have the composition on your side, but mine was not crafted by trickery,” Starfire huffed.

“Yeah! Star’s got a one of a kind original in her pocket,” Beast Boy bragged.

Cyborg made a ‘come on’ motion with his fingers, his confident expression never cracking.

“Bring it.”

Putting on a dramatic pose, Starfire flashed her creation before Cyborg proudly.

“Behold!”

Cyborg squinted, trying to comprehend what he was looking at.

“Wait. Is that- no way!” Cyborg’s jaw dropped.

Cyborg didn’t even flinch when Beast Boy’s communicator shutter clicked to capture the moment.

“Priceless!” he giggled.

“If I recall correctly, the flag was indeed made in this country. So, this location is well within the terms of the game,” Starfire elaborated, trying to ease any feelings of inferiority that Cyborg might feel from this loss.

To her surprise, Cyborg burst out laughing. Gripping his gut, he belly-laughed so hard that he began to shed tears. Catching his breath, he gave Starfire a brotherly slap on the back.

“Dang girl, you really got me this time. Maybe I should get up there sometime. The T Ship could use another test run,” he laughed even more. Starfire laughed along with him, joyful that she could be both a good friend and competitor to Cyborg. The photography was enjoyable, but it was moments like these that truly made her days memorable.

“We agreed on no plagiarizing, friend Cyborg. I am certain you will prove to be a strong foe next time,” she said playfully.

“But this time, I think we all know who the winner is,” Beast Boy remarked, still marveling over the blackmail material he got on Cyborg.

“Titans,” a voice cut in.

The giggles died down as Robin strode up to the Titans, crossing his arms as he stopped before them.

“I just received a message from NASA, saying that Starfire was up on the moon near their equipment. And I’m guessing she wasn’t in on it alone,” he said sternly, raising an eyebrow.

Starfire ducked her head shamefully. “Are you upset?” she asked meekly.

Robin’s expression almost instantly morphed into one of surprise and concern.

“What? No- of course I’m not upset with you,” he said gently.

Cyborg coughed something Robin just barely comprehended, earning a glare.

“But my point is I don’t want anyone heading into government protected areas. We don’t want them to think we’re up to anything suspicious,” he said calmly.

“We understand, Robin. My apologies for getting ‘carried away’,” Starfire nodded, regaining her confidence seeing that Robin was only looking out for the welfare of the team.

“Leave it to Robin to add another rule around here,” Cyborg grumbled.

“I totally get what you’re saying, and, before you continue, I would just like to add that Raven totally set us up,” Beast Boy piped up.

“Care to repeat that?” Raven said, standing behind Beast Boy.

Beast Boy’s shriek echoed throughout the Tower.

#starfire #cyborg #teen titans #fanfic #robin #of course there's a hint of robstar how could i not?#i write

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eryiss · 5 years

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Chapter Two ~ Sunset

Summary: When Lucius was told his father was retiring and he was to inherit the company, he was overwhelmed. Naturally, he confided in the advice of H’esper Legal Firm on what to do with his new acquisition, with the expectation of sound legal advice and nothing more. And while he gets this advice, he finds himself much more interested with the handsome intern with deep freckles and a statue of a bird sitting on his desk. [Quillucius | Modern Au]

Here we go, the second part of my Quillucius fic. I hope you all enjoy it, I’ve really liked writing for them and hope to do it again. They’re very wholesome boys.

You can read it on Archive of our Own, or under the cut. I hope you all enjoy it!

Chapter Two: Sunset

Friday; 11th October

Quill smiled as he walked towards the docks of Gustheaven, Lucius standing beside him with an equally content expression painted across his features. Quill knew this for sure, as he kept glancing up towards the other man to make sure he was enjoying himself. Every time he did, the brunette felt both reassured and delighted that he was the person who was accredited to putting such a beautiful expression on Lucius' face.

The two of them were on their first date; first official date at least. As Quill had been the one to ask Lucius out, he had insisted that he be the one who organised where they went. Lucius had agreed without any arguing, and the large smile Lucius had worn told Quill that it would be difficult to do something that Lucius wouldn't enjoy.

And while he wasn't a date aficionado, Quill liked to think what he had planned was perfect for them.

He had remembered the play that Lucius had insisted he watch as soon as he could from their first meeting in the coffee shop, as well as remembering that Lucius said he would watch is as many times as he could and would never be bored of it. It only seemed natural that it was involved in their first date; and the beaming expression on Lucius' face as well as the constant chatter about how perfect it was, which started the moment he saw the theatre and lasted until the show began, told Quill he had made the right decision.

The play had been good. But quill was distracted by the man he was watching it with.

After that, he had intended to take them both for a meal at a tavern that did the best pub-style food Quill had ever tasted. That was where the night had hit a slight roadblock, as the restaurant was apparently being renovated for a few days. That was something that hadnt been mentioned on the website, when Quill had booked their reservation. Earlier the same damn day.

A small amount of panic had followed after finding that out – it was a Friday night; any good restaurants would be fully booked by now – but Lucius didn't seem to mind. He stated that Aila had given him a cheat day on his diet, and if Quill didn't mind then maybe they could go to a fast food place he knew that served the best burgers in the city along with having an extensive menu of milkshakes that were apparently to die for. The fact that the man – who Quill had to remind himself often was a millionaire – was happy to eat a burger and fries made Quill's panic dissipate immediately and made the date even better.

And Lucius seemed to be enjoying it too, given he was sipping one of his two milkshakes.

He had insisted he only wanted one, but seeing his eyes flicker between them both on the menu told Quill otherwise, so he got them both.

They hadnt eaten in the fast food place itself, despite there being a lot of space. Quill, while they waited for their food to be cooked, realised that they weren't that far from the docks, which had a public pier anyone could go to. It wasn't tourist season, meaning they would probably be alone and have a perfect view of the ocean while they ate. When he proposed this to Lucius, the man had beamed perhaps more so than when Quill had ordered the multiple drinks for him.

The blonde really did have an expressive face.

That was how they found themselves walking towards the ocean, Quill holding a brown paper-bag containing their food while Lucius held the drinks. The one he was currently drinking was in his left hand, while Quill's and his other was balanced well in a cardboard carrier. Quill glanced up to see him happily sipping his caramel and Oreo milkshake, and grinned a little.

"You like watching people, don't you Birdie?" Lucius commented after removing the straw from his lips.

"Well," Quill frowned, not sure where Lucius had gotten this idea. "I suppose I do, don't I."

Quill did like watching people. Well, being more specific, he liked being aware of what was going on around him; he was more of an observer than someone who liked to interact with things. He hadnt always been that way, in his teen years he had been something of a show-off actually, but had mellowed out through time. He suspected that the focus on wanting to know what was happening around him stemmed back to the accident. He quickly rid himself of that thought; he was on a date and didn't need to bring himself down like that.

"I'm a little jealous, Birdie," Lucius admitted, still smiling. "I've never been all that good at stepping back form the front of things. I went to a yoga retreat once and it was so boring I could have just died. Sometimes it feels like I'm never calm."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing, though," Quill commented. "I don't remember the last time I was at the front of anything. Too busy looking out for everything that could go wrong."

"I suppose we balance each other out then, don't we Birdie," Lucius grinned, nudging Quill's side with his elbow.

"Guess we do," Quill smiled, before continuing. "And it's not just you that finds meditation and yoga boring. I think everyone does but we've tricked ourselves into thinking it's good for us when all we do is sit down."

"Right!" Lucius agreed loudly, and Quill laughed at the passion in his voice.

The two men walked up the old pier, which was as empty as Quill had expected it to be. They walked to the end of it, the sound of gentle waves accompanying them from the beach below. Though there was a selection of benches they could sit on, Lucius had insisted that they had made it this far and there would be no point in that if they didn't get the best possible view of the ocean. Quill agreed, so they sat on the end of the pier, with their legs dangling over the edge.

Placing the bag of food between them both, Quill looked over the ocean. It wasn't still, but the sun glinted off it as it began to set, and it look altogether rather beautiful. Quill glanced to the side and towards his date, seeing the sun lighting up Lucius' face. He, too, was altogether rather beautiful.

After enjoying the moment for a few seconds, Quill routed though the bag of food and brought out the burger he had gotten for himself. He watched as Lucius did the same with his own food, putting the large bag of fries between them both.

"Sorry it's not anything spectacular," Quill apologised again.

"You can only say that because you haven't had any of it yet, Birdie," Lucius smiled, taking a bite of his food.

"Still, I wanted to make this all fancy and it didn't exactly work out."

"You don't need to keep apologising, Quill. This is lovely," Lucius smiled, and Quill believed him. The fact Lucius had used his actual name meant he was being serious. "Besides, it's not like I still burst into tears or throw a tantrum when I don't get my way."

"Still?" Quill asked with a small smile.

"Well, I'm not proud of it, but I used to be a tiny little bit spoiled," Lucius spoke with a blush on his cheeks. "I'm not anymore, I don't think, and I've become a lot stronger and more independent now that I know Aila and Nova. You've met them, you could probably guess they wouldn't put up with me if I was that bad."

"No, I doubt they would," Quill chuckled, imagining how the tall redhead would react to the overly spoiled image of Lucius Quill was now thinking of. "How did you meet them. You seem… an odd bunch."

"Oh, through university actually," Lucius smiled. "I ran into the wrong lecture hall and Nova was the nicest person there and helped me get where I needed to be. She already knew Aila, but me and her didn't get along very well at the start. We didn't argue or anything horrible like that, but I don't think she understood why Nova liked me and I thought she could be a little brutish."

Lucius then went on to explain the turning point of his and Aila's friendship. They had gone on a weekend away together and rather than booking a hotel as Lucius had expected, Aila had taken them camping. Lucius hadnt been happy about it – it was all muddy and squelchy and he'd worn white clothes that still had yet to be cleaned correctly – but he had stuck it out non the less. What really clinched Aila's high opinion on him was when the owner of the campsite, a Mr Brookstone, tried to get them to pay almost three times what they owed, and Lucius had been the one to stand their ground and refuse to let them be taken advantage of. Apparently it was the first time Lucius had shown any backbone in front of the redheaded woman, and she respected him at least slightly from that point.

Quill had laughed along with the story, maintaining the idea that Lucius was born to entertain. The way he went on little tangents about the small details he remembered – such as the first-time mud went into his boots and how horrible it felt – and the visceral descriptions he managed to conjure were hilarious.

"So," Lucius asked after finishing his story. "How did you and Sentry meet?"

"Erm, in hospital actually," Quill admitted, looking to his lap. "We were the only two people in the ward and since the visiting hours were strict, we could only keep each other company for most of the time. And we just became friends after that."

"Oh. So it's true that every cloud has a silver lining," Lucius smiled. Quill was almost sure he responded that way as to not pry into why they were both in the hospital. He appreciated it.

"I suppose so," Quill agreed, looking out over the sun. "I've been meaning to tell you, you know how you suggested that I try and get into cartography again? Well, I've actually been looking into it and I'm going to start doing it again, I think."

"Birdie, that's fantastic!" Lucius beamed. "Have you don't anything yet? Can I see it?"

"Nothing yet," Quill laughed at his friend's enthusiasm. "All I've done is ordered the ink and asked if Sentry can help me get my old desk out of storage, but it's something. And I should say, it might take a while before I can produce anything. It's been a while, and I'll probably have to relearn how to do everything with only one arm, so don't expect anything soon."

"But when you're ready, you'll show me right?" Lucius was grinning again.

"You'll be the first person I come to, I promise," Quill smiled, and Lucius seemed to be ecstatic as the prospect.

They continued to eat their food, talking as they looked over the rising tide and the setting sun. Once their food was done, Lucius moved the bags to his side and shuffled closer to Quill, so that their sides were touching as they watched the ocean. It didn't take long for Quill to relax against the feeling of Lucius against him, and even slightly rest his head against the man's shoulder. Lucius grinned and didn't say anything.

Sitting in silence for a few moments, Quill was glad that the restaurant had been messed up. This moment, shared between them both as they watched nature at its most beautiful, was perfect. It was if a god watching over them had placed them in the right position for the best date possible.

"I'm glad we came here," Lucius commented. "My nanny used to take me here for a special treat. It was always nice, but I used to think it was missing something," Lucius looked down to Quill, who was looking back up at him. "I think that something was you, Birdie."

Quill blushed under the soft gaze of his date, the comment making Quill's heart beat that little bit faster. Lucius was still looking at him with an expression that could be seen as adoration, if Quill wanted to be arrogant. The brunette had no doubt that he too was wearing such an awestruck expression, as in that moment Lucius seemed to be the exact personification of beauty. Quill couldn't seem to look away, nor did he want to. The rest of the world was shut out around them, condensed into just the two of them and the moment they shared.

Lucius was perfect. His multi-coloured eyes glinted and so perfectly fitted Lucius in every possible way. His clear, blemish free skin was soft under the light of the evening sun. Looking further down, Quill's eyes lingered Lucius' thin, pink lips.

He inched himself forward a little.

Lucius did the same.

Both men were leaning forward slowly, Lucius raising his right hand to gently cup Quill's cheek. His touch was featherlight, but it made Quill's lips part slightly as he leant further forward. They both continued leaning further forward, getting closer by the second until, finally, their lips met in a kiss.

It was slow, cautious and a little messy. But perfect.

Though it seemed to last an eternity, they broke away after a few seconds. They pulled apart just to look at each other in the eye, both wearing smiles at what they had just done. Quill leaned forward again, bringing them into another kiss that Lucius seemed to be more than happy to reciprocate. Quill brought his hand to Lucius' shoulder so he could lean further in, while Lucius now had both hands on Quill's cheeks and was cupping them as if his face was a treasure of some kind. They were blind to the world around them, too engrossed in one another.

The second time they pulled apart, they kept their foreheads resting against each other. Both men were blushing bright red, but had no intention of moving further than absolutely needed.

"So," Lucius spoke after a few seconds. "I've never kissed a Birdie before. I would have thought that the beak-ie would have been a bigger problem."

For a second there was silence, then Quill burst out laughing.

He buried his face in the crook of Lucius' neck, who joined Quill in his laughter. Both men were loud and unabashed, overtaken by a flurry of laughter at the ridiculousness of what Lucius had just said. If anyone had been around to see them, they probably would have thought that the two men were either drunk or just idiots, but neither man cared at all. Because that moment was just between them, and couldn't be tainted.

It was perfect.

-~~~-

Sunday; 24th November

Lucius wasn't the type of man to kiss and tell. He was a gentleman, a well-behaved man of the world who knew where privacy was needed, but the evidence was as plain as day. He had spent the night in an apartment that wasn't his own; he had forgone his usual nightly moisturising routine; and, to put it in polite terms, his pyjamas were folded neatly in their draw rather than being on him as they normally would be.

That was all anyone needed to know about how he woke up that day.

He wore a large smile on his face as he did wake up, and the arm that was wrapped around Quill's stomach pulled him a little closer. His boyfriend was still sleeping soundly – an adorable sight that Lucius had, more than once, considered taking a picture of – and the blonde had no intention of waking him. Nor would he leave the bed until absolutely needed.

After their first date, and subsequent first and second kiss, the idea of returning to anything platonic became absurd. They went on more dates and, within three weeks, they had become an actual couple. Lucius couldn't fight back the smile he wore every time he thought back to that.

He pressed his lips against Quill's cheek, watching him stir for a moment before calming again.

How adorable.

Lucius had, despite what many people thought, always been the type of man to wake up early. There might have been a reason, but Lucius didn't care all that much to look for it, as he was too busy adoring his boyfriend. Quill always seemed to radiate calmness in some sense, but when he was sleeping all the stress in the mans face left him, his occasional movements were slow and unhindered, and the small noises he made would never fail to make Lucius grin and feel all warm and lovely inside. Waking up and cuddling his boyfriend was one of Lucius' favourite things to do now.

With a tired smile, he shifted so that his head rested on Quill's chest and he was correctly cuddled up against him.

He thought back to the first time that they had shared a bed with one another. Quill had been a little nervous, to say the least. It was the first time he had seemed self-conscious about his arm, and it made Lucius sad. Quill had gone so far as to pretend he normally slept on the left side of the bed – which he clearly didn't as all his chargers and a bottle of water was on the right bedside table – so Lucius would sleep facing the side of his body that had an arm. Lucius had called him out immediately and made sure to kiss away all those horrible little doubts about himself.

Besides, cuddling up to Quill's left side was great! He could get as close and clingy as he pleased and didn't have to worry about squashing Birdie's arm or cutting of circulation. It was perfect.

After looking at his adorable boyfriend for a little while, Lucius gave Quill's chest a little nuzzle before closing his eyes and relaxing again. He knew he wouldn't get to sleep again, once he was awake then he was awake for good. Well, not 'for good' as in indefinitely, as he would have died from exhaustion before his first birthday, but that was beside the point. He just wanted to cuddle with his boyfriend and have a nice relaxing morning.

This was lovely~

He didn't know how long it had taken, but eventually Birdie had woken up with a small, tired whine. As Lucius looked up to see his boyfriend waking, he felt Quill's arm wrap around his waist and pull him closer.

"Morning Lucius," Quill murmured, his voice all croaky and tired and cute. "You haven't been awake for too long, have you?"

"No I don't think so," Lucius smiled. "Besides, even if I had, this is nice."

"Yeah, it is," Quill agreed, leaning down and pressing his lips to the top of Lucius' head. "Shame we can't stay here all day."

"We could if we wanted to," Lucius pouted a little, burying his face further into Birdie's chest and smiling; it was rather comfortable being down here, and he would happily stay there for as long as possible.

But as Quill had said, they couldn't stay there all day. Quill was still a lawyer and had a lot of work to get through, even when on the weekend, and Lucius had now committed fully to his aspirations of getting work in costume design. He was making his portfolio as solid and varied as he possibly could, as it was soon coming to the time of year where new productions would start to arise in theatre. And with new productions came the need for new costume designers, meaning this was a pivotal time in the year for Lucius to start working.

That was something that had become habitual for the two. When they had nothing planned for the weekend, they would work side by side on their respective projects. This usually occurred in Lucius' apartment – his studio was there, and he had more than enough desk space for Quill – but as all Lucius was doing was drafting concept designs, they had slept at Quill's apartment and would spend the day there.

"Come on," Quill continued, nudging Lucius and getting a moan of complaint in response. "You know, I've got you a present. But I can only give you it if you get up."

Lucius' eyes cracked open at that, and he looked towards Birdie with a slightly suspicious expression. Lucius liked presents, both giving and receiving, so the idea intrigued him, but he couldn't shake the idea that Quill was lying to him in an evil plot to get him from under his warm comforter. Deciding to trust his boyfriend, though, he slowly removed himself from Quill's person and sat up against the headboard, cocking an eyebrow in a silent question.

Quill chuckled and left the bed, walking to the closet with Lucius' gaze on him constantly; they were dating, he was allowed to look if he pleased! He watched as Quill pulled something out from his closet and presented it to Lucius, who lit up at the sight.

A robe! A beautiful black fluffy robe!

Admittedly, it was a small thing to get excited about. But even from his position in the bed, Lucius could tell that it was the exact same fabric as his robe at home; possibly even the same brand. Lucius loved his robe, and to have one at Birdie's apartment as well just was perfect. He leapt out of the bed, wrapped his present around his body – it was so comfy – and then wrapped himself around Quill in a hug.

"Thank you Birdie," Lucius nuzzled Quill's hair. "I love it."

"I'm glad," Quill smiled. "I'm going to have some coffee, d'you want some?"

"Yes please," Lucius said, giving Quill's head a kiss before letting him go.

They were soon in the kitchen, Lucius sitting at the small table wearing only his special new robe while Quill brewed the coffee; much to Lucius' chagrin, he had put his pyjamas and his dressing gown on. It was an old piece of clothing that, if Lucius had his way, would be replaced. But Quill seemed to like it, so Lucius could cope. Even if the stitching was frayed and wonky.

Leaning on the table, Lucius watched as Quill navigated his kitchen. Lucius loved Quill's apartment, it was homely and had lots of warm colours coming from the filled bookshelves and oak furniture. More to the point, though, was how Quill seemed so in his element in his home. It was clearly designed with him in mind, both in terms of aesthetic appeal as well as practicality. Almost everything could be used with a single hand, and the few things that couldn't were simple enough that his prosthetic could pick up the slack, not that he could be bothered to wear it in the mornings. Lucius was glad Quill no longer felt self-conscious about not wearing it.

Watching Birdie move around was fascinating. His movements were fluid and fast, as if well-rehearsed and perfected. He could flick the coffeemaker on, grab two mugs and close a cupboard in a single movement, and he clearly wasn't hindered by his lack of an arm.

"You okay?"

Birdie's sudden question had snapped Lucius out of his admiration for the other man, and he sent a slightly guilty smile towards his boyfriend. "Sorry, just thinking."

"You sure? You looked like you wanted to ask something," Quill probed, leaning on the counter and looking towards Lucius.

"Well, its just that- and don't answer this if you don't want to," Lucius began. They hadnt really talked much about this subject, and Lucius didn't know where he stood exactly. "It's that, well, I was curious about…"

"How I lost it?" Quill picked up where Lucius left off, smiling to assure his boyfriend that he hadnt offended him. "You can ask, I'm not offended by it."

"I didn't want to force you to talk about it if you didn't want to," Lucius admitted. "But yes, that's what I wanted to ask."

Quill smiled again, and the coffeemaker dinged to show that it was ready. He quickly poured out both of their drinks and brought them to the table that Lucius was sitting on. He joined, sitting opposite his boyfriend so that he could look him in the eye as he spoke. He took a single sip of his coffee – which Lucius guessed was probably too hot given the wince on Quill's face – before looking up with a gentle expression.

"It was a car accident," He began, and Lucius watched his face as he spoke. It was hard to read. "I was coming back to college after the winter break. It was pretty late, so the roads were basically empty, so I was going a little faster than I probably should have been. Always liked driving fast, made me feel like I was flying. Ironic, given what you call me."

Quill laughed a little, and Lucius joined him. He was cautious though, not speaking.

"Anyway, it started to rain. Well, that's an understatement. It was a pretty nasty storm. But I didn't slow down because I thought it was a straight road and what was the worst that could happen, I'd see a car coming a mile away," He laughed again, perhaps bitterly. Lucius couldn't tell. "What I couldn't see coming, though, was lightning."

"You got hit?" Lucius asked, eyes wide.

"Not exactly," Quill's face darkened a little. "It struck just in front me. Scared me half to death, so I swerved. Roads were wet, so I couldn't stop and went straight into one of the poles holding up a sign. The pole must have been rusted or corroded or something, because it crumbled where the car hit it, and brought the sign down right onto me. Well, my arm to be specific."

To explain his point, Quill had brought his hand to about where his left shoulder would have been. Lucius winced, not able to imagine how it would have felt to have a highway sign cut into him that deeply. He tried not to think about it, feeling a little nauseous on Quill's behalf.

"There was a hospital nearby, thankfully, so they got to me quite quick," Quill continued. "But the sign had gotten pretty deep and it wasn't exactly sterile. So, they said a lot of stuff about blood loss and possibility of infection, and the end result was they needed to amputate. I was under the anaesthesia and they were operating on me before I could really process what it meant."

"I'm sorry Quill," Lucius frowned.

"Birdie," Quill corrected. He knew Lucius wasn't the type to let this effect how he saw him but needed to make sure it wouldn't happen. "And you don't need to be, it's not like you can change it. Besides, that's how I met Sentry, we helped each other along and get better."

"Can I ask what happened to Sentry?" Lucius asked, not sure if he was pushing it.

"She was in a coma, a little bit before I got there, she woke up but still needed to be under observation," Quill explained. "She had some amnesia as well, so when she was going to therapy to help that, I was going to a physio so I could adjust."

"Must have bene hard for you both," Lucius almost whispered, thinking back to all the trivial things he used to complain about. He still sometimes did get angry at things that probably didn't matter.

"At times, but we kept ourselves cheerful. Kind of made jokes about it," Quill smiled, seemingly thinking back to his time in the hospital. "I used to come up with little general knowledge quizzes for her, and she used to challenge me to arm wrestling contests when the nurses left the room. It felt like, if we could laugh at it all, it wasn't so bad."

That was when Lucius broke, tears prickling out of his eyes and he leant over the table and pulled Quill into a slightly wonky hug. His waist was awkwardly digging into the table, but he didn't care as he wrapped his arms around Birdie and hugged the life out of him.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Birdie," He whispered.

"It's okay," Quill assured him. "I also probably wouldn't have met you if it didn't happen. I had to take a year off from college so I could get back on my feet, and the reason I got my internship with H'esper was because he came to one of my third-year lectures. He said that I impressed him somehow – I thought I was just asking too many questions; I was a bit like Nova when she found out what Sentry does – but he liked that. But if I hadnt had been held back for a year, I might have missed out on working with him and meeting you. So maybe you and Sentry act as a way for god to apologise to me."

"Well," Lucius chuckled, smiling. "That's a nice way of looking at it."

Quill grinned and Lucius would say it was almost mischievous. "What else have I done to deserve a millionaire with a dick big enough to shag be into the next life?"

Lucius was sure he looked a little like a goldfish after that, and Quill just laughed.

"You're not feeling sorry for me now, are you?" Quill continued, obviously trying to break the tension, and Lucius joined in on the laughter. The room felt considerably lighter now, even if Lucius wasn't exactly sure how to feel; a vulgar comment about how good he was in bed with almost the direct opposite of a heart to heart about a traumatic event that his boyfriend had undergone.

Quill also looked more relaxed, and while Lucius couldn't be sure if it was because he had gotten the accident out in the open, or simply because the conversation was over, the blonde couldn't help but feel glad they'd spoken about it. It would no longer hang over them.

Their normal morning routine took over again, with Quill deciding that he wanted to have pancakes for the breakfast so making more than enough for the both of them. Again, Lucius watched him as he made his way around the kitchen, not hiding how impressed he was with Birdie. Though, he doubted he would be much less impressed if Quill had two arms; Lucius was by no means a cook whereas Quill seemed rather good at it. Or maybe he was just very skilled at flipping breakfast food, something Lucius doubted he could do.

They ate together, Lucius only eating slightly slower than normal so he could prolong actually working. He did love his work and designing was one of the most fun parts, but this particular project had been causing issues. He wanted to show how he didn't rely on colour by designing clothes more gothic and drab; but the idea of creating something drab neatly made him come out in hives.

Lucius insisted on doing the dishes after they ate, and as he was attempting to scrub off a particularly resilient bit of pancake batter from a pan, a thought struck him. He looked over his shoulder towards Quill.

"Birdie," He spoke up, getting his boyfriend's attention. "What do you do at Christmas?"

It was the dishes that had reminded him. Christmas dinner was one of the few times the entire Elenasto family sat down for a home cooked meal, and Lucius had been on dish washing duty; his sister was on drying. As a child, it was the only real chore he had done, so he always made the connection.

"I don't really have anything planned," Quill admitted. "Usually me and Sentry go to dinner somewhere. She doesn't have any family left and I hardly ever see mine anymore. Is there something you wanted to do?"

"Well, I was actually thinking that maybe we could have Christmas together," Lucius beamed at his suggestion. "I know Daddy and Mummy aren't coming back, and my sister's spending it with her wife and kiddies. So I thought we could all have a big Christmas lunch as a group. I know Nova's family live in a different country and she never lets me buy a ticket for her to go back, and I think we're the closest thing Aila has for family, so at least we'll all have somewhere to go."

This had been something that Lucius had wanted to do for years now; have a group Christmas rather than a family one. While he loved his family, it always felt artificial. He knew that Nova and Aila had spent their last few Christmas's together and it had sounded lovely, with Aila cooking an apparently amazing turkey in an old fashioned and rustic way. Now he had a great chance of joining them, and having Quill and Sentry there would make it even better.

"That actually sounds really nice," Quill smiled. "I'll ask Sentry next time we meet up. What made you think about it though."

"Oh my thoughts always wonder when I'm relaxed," Lucius smiled, looking back to Quill. "And I've got the best idea for a Christmas present for you. I can't tell you it though, it's a surprise, but I know you'll just love it."

Lucius then went on to talk about exactly how great their Christmas was going to be together. About how they could decorate their apartments together and make them look perfect. And then they could drive to the countryside and find a farmer's market and get all the food Aila would need for their Christmas dinner. If they wanted to, they could even try and make a traditional Christmas pudding and set it on fire before they ate it!

He wondered if Quill knew he was the kind of man who would happily keep his decorations up into march if allowed. If not, he would figure it out soon.

Lucius had to stop his over-excited planning of what they could potentially do when he felt Quill wrap his arm around his waist and press his lips against Lucius' neck. It made the blonde relax against him again, just as he had when they were cuddling in bed.

"As much as I could spend hours discussing this with you Lucius, we promised to do work today," Quill mumbled, though Lucius thought he seemed to be enjoying this hug as much as Lucius was. "So we should probably get dressed and start before the day ends."

"Fine," Lucius pouted a little. "But the second we stop I'm teaching you how to wrap presents properly. Like colour coordinating the paper with the little ribbons and bow-ys."

"I'll look forward to it," Quill promised, and Lucius believed him with a large grin on his face.

-~~~-

Monday; 9th December

"Quill, you need to stop second-guessing yourself," Sentry's voice came through the lawyer's headphones. "It's a great idea, and I'm sure he'll love it."

The brunette was sitting at his desk outside of H'esper's office. He was on his lunch break, having decided that he should call Sentry so he could get a second opinion on something that he had been debating in his head for days now. He looked at the picture on his monitor with a harsh gaze, analysing it with scrutiny and perhaps an overly critical eye. Even knowing that he was probably expecting too much of himself, he couldn't help but think something was wrong as he looked at the picture.

He used to be better than this, surely.

The picture was a map. It was of a famous fantasy world, the most popular world he had drawn when he had made such maps for his commissions. He knew this design well, which was why he had chosen it as his first attempt at drawing a fully sized map since getting back into it. But he couldn't help but focus on the flaws.

There was instances where he had caught his sleeve in the ink and smeared it unintentionally; times where his grip on the pen had either been too tight or too loose and had effected the strength of the ink; and a collection of other mistakes that jumped out at him.

"I just think that if I'm going to give him something I made, it should be perfect," Quill said back, leaning back in his chair.

"Unless after you sent me the picture, you scribbled all over the canvas, this is perfect," Sentry insisted, and Quill almost scoffed at the idea. "And even if it isn't perfect, do you really think he'll mind. He wanted you to get back into drawing, and he'd be proud and happily accept whatever you made him. You could draw him a big smiley face and he'd love it."

While that might be true, he couldn't shake the idea that just because Lucius would like something it didn't mean it was the best, he could give him. Lucius was special to him, and Quill wanted to give him a Christmas present that encapsulated his feelings towards the blonde. He wanted to give him something that told Lucius how comfortable he felt around him, how he appreciated that he could look past his flaws and simply liked Quill for being Quill. He just wanted something that he knew Lucius would love.

Though, now he thought about it, maybe an imperfect map would fit into all of those categories.

But if he could make Lucius something better, he should.

"Maybe I should start again," Quill commented, minimising the picture and getting back to his work. Even though he was on his lunchbreak, he was pretty overwhelmed with his work and would have to multi-task.

"Don't," Sentry insisted. "It's perfect. You said yourself that this was the first map you've drawn since the accident, and that he's the reason you're doing it. It's special and you know he'd love it."

"Yeah, maybe," Quill relented, though still wasn't sure. "I should get back to work. See you later."

"Bye Quill," Sentry said, obviously smiling. "He'll love it."

"If you say so."

Sentry laughed, said goodbye again and ended their phone call. Quill sighed, wanting to believe what Sentry had insisted but seemingly unable to. He didn't often doubt himself, but whenever he did it was usually rather all-encompassing. It wasn't helped that, whenever they discussed their Christmas present, Lucius seemed incredibly pleased with what he had planned. Quill wanted to give his boyfriend a gift he was equally pleased and confident in.

He tried not to linger on it, though. He opened up a contract that H'esper had emailed him with the request he looked through to see if he could find any inconsistencies or exploitations. It was something he often did now, and while it did sound boring, he actually rather enjoyed it. Contracts were logic and easy to understand.

Not like making a present for someone.

As he always did, he gave the entire contract a quick read through to understand what the main purpose was, and to see where the person who drafted would likely try and get more than they were owed. After that, he started to look at each clause in more detail.

He managed to get around twenty minutes of uninterrupted work before his phone started to buzz on his desk. He glanced down, expecting to see Sentry checking up to see if he had burned his map or something equally ridiculous, but instead was presented with Lucius' name followed by a series of rainbow emojis; below was a picture of Lucius that he had taken of the blonde without him knowing. He had an expression on his face that could only be described as soft, and Quill loved to see it whenever his boyfriend called him.

Accepting the call, he leant back in his office chair and relaxed. If past experiences were anything to believe, talking with Lucius over the phone would leave working practically impossible. Lucius' enthusiasm was boundless, even over the phone.

"Birdie!" Lucius all but shouted. "They said yes. I got it and they said yes!"

"Slow down, who said yes?" Quill frowned, eyebrows furrowing.

"Remember a couple weeks ago I sent my portfolio to all the production people who are casting for their new musicals and plays and things, well one of them was impressed. So I just had a meeting with her and brought some of the outfits I've already made and we talked about it and she like what I'd done. Birdie, they offered me a jobbie! I'm making all the costumes for the entire production. I'm so excited!"

"I can tell," Quill chuckled. "I'm really happy for you Lucius, it's great."

"Thank you Birdie," Lucius grinned. "I know you're busy so we can't go out to lunch, but would it be okay if I came and had lunch in your office with you. I've just got so many ideas and I need to get them out; I'll bring that nice soup you like for you."

"I'm sure that'll be fine," Quill smiled. "And you don't have to bribe me with soup, y'know."

"I know, but I just wanted to sweeten the deal," Lucius was almost definitely grinning.

"The deal's pretty sweet with just you in it," Quill chuckled, though was red at his own words. He then practically whined. "Please don't make a big deal about what I just said."

"Fine fine," Lucius chuckled. "But you're very cute, Birdie. See you soon."

"See you, Lucius."

Apparently the theatre that Lucius had been interviewed at wasn't all that far away from Quill's office building, as it took hum less than ten minutes to pick up a large pot of the soup that Quill had grown to love and make his way to the top floor of the building, which was just long enough for the redness in Quill's cheeks to die down. Honestly, he didn't know what it was about dating Lucius that brought out those stupid lines from Quill, but he felt himself crumbling every time he said one. At least Lucius seemed to like them, which made the self-inflicted embarrassment worth it.

When Lucius did arrive, he was holding a large clothing bag in one hand and the pot of soup in the other. He beamed at Quill when he turned the corner and, after placing the clothing he held onto the back of a spare chair, leant over Quill's desk to place a kiss on his lips. Quill smiled, leaning back with slight redness on his cheeks.

"It should be nice and hot and steamy," Lucius smiled, placing the soup before Quill, who opened it and was met with a big waft of steam.

"Thanks," Quill smiled, taking the plastic spoon from his boyfriend with a smile. "So, before you burst, tell me about it."

Lucius grinned and, without wasting a second, started to explain everything about his new job. Apparently, it was a relatively small production but had a large amount of funding behind it, meaning that Lucius had a large amount of financial freedom. The musical itself was a surrealist gothic comedy, meaning that Lucius would basically be allowed to make his clothes as weird and unusual as humanly possible. There was also a lot of costume changes and one song included a wind machine, so Lucius was going to make good use of it by having the character wear a cape that would bellow and look amazing.

The blonde seemed as though he didn't need to take a breath as he kept talking, and Quill loved watching it. The passion his boyfriend made Quill grin every time it showed itself. It was just utterly endearing.

"Anyway, how's work going for you?" Lucius asked, leaning back in his chair with a wide smile on his face. "You must have some important people coming in here. Any little bits of blackmail for me?"

"You know it's all confidential, Lucius," Quill chuckled. Lucius obviously hadnt been serious.

"I promise I won't tell anyone. And I'd never lie to my cute little Birdie," Lucius grinned, though decided to drop the subject as he opened the sandwich, he had brought in with him. "Seriously though Birdie, anything new happening yet? Am I gonna see you in a courtroom, showing off about how many bookies you've read and putting bad people in jail?"

"Doubt that'll be happening anytime soon," Quill laughed, before glancing at the monitor again. "There is something, actually, that might be pretty big. H'esper actually asked me to be on a case as an actual lawyer, rather than just the intern."

The offer had come earlier in the week, and Quill had been conflicted about it. While obviously he wanted to do it, this was part of his dream job after all, he was still unsure about his actual abilities to do so. It would consist of a lot of debating and, while he had seen H'esper and other members of the company do this a lot since he started to work there, he wasn't sure if he would be able to actually do it himself. He couldn't even flirt with his boyfriend without turning into a blushing mess, and he was possibly more comfortable with Lucius than anyone else he knew.

But as he looked towards the aforementioned boyfriend, he was met with an elated expression of pride. As always, Lucius' overly expressive face left nothing to be confused about, and it was clear that he was very happy with the news. Which also implied that he thought he could do it, which was admittedly a confidence booster.

"That's so great Birdie," Lucius confirmed his opinion. "Tell me about it. Well, as much as you're allowed to."

"I don't know much yet, other than its corporate and similar that your case. But this is apparently a lot more vicious," Quill explained. "But, H'esper did say that if it goes well and I prove that I'm ready, I might get a promotion into being more than an intern."

"Birdie!" Lucius grinned. "That's amazing."

Despite his anxiety about the job, Quill couldn't stop himself from agreeing. He smiled. "Yeah, guess it is."

"It absolutely is!" Lucius insisted.

It was. This was the first time that he had accepted that this could be a good thing for him, as Lucius' enthusiasm for the potential promotion was infectious beyond belief. He laughed a little as Lucius got up from his seat and wrapped his arms around Quill in a small hug, with the brunette reciprocated with a smile.

The two continued their lunch for a short while longer, moving away form the topic of their work life. They discussed further what they were planning for Christmas, now that all of their guests had agreed that they could make it. After that, they discussion turned into anything that came into their minds, something that Quill liked doing. Talking nonsense with someone that he truly cared for was highly underrated.

Eventually though, Quill's lunch hour ended. The brunette was glad that Lucius didn't need to be told Quill needed to get back to work; the blonde seemed to respect how much time Quill's work took. It was a small thing, but nice.

As he left, he leant over the desk and gave the man a short but delightful kiss. When he excused himself – taking the remains of the soup and spoon with him – he explained that he would be at his apartment throughout the afternoon so he could work on his secret project; Quill was almost sure that the secret project was whatever his Christmas present was. The wink the blonde sent him suggested that his guess was correct.

"Well," H'esper's voice said from behind Quill, making the man jump in his chair. "That was adorable."

The brunette slowly turned in his chair to see his boss smiling down at him, and couldn't help blush at the fact his boss had seen his conversation with his boyfriend. "Heard that, huh?"

"Only when he said goodbye," H'esper explained, walking past Quill's desk and towards the elevator. "I like him. It's nice that he's here, the two of you bring a little bit of happiness here. You should keep him."

Quill's boss didn't stop walking as he spoke, turning the corner and apparently walking towards the elevators. This left Quill alone in his office, unable to fight off the small smile that had formed on his face after his boss's words. He had no doubt that he would try to keep Lucius for as long as he possibly could.

-~~~-

Wednesday; 25th December

The apartment had never looked like this before. It had so much personality in it, whereas previously it had felt a little stale. Lucius could only say that in retrospect – before the changes had occurred, he had thought his interior design skills had been rather good – but not he had seen the light and didn't think he could ever go back.

It was sort of an amalgamation of both his and Birdie's things. Law books and novels now rested on the coffee table, Quill's laptop bag hung beside Lucius' coats beside the door, and scatter cushions were everywhere; Lucius had previous hated cushions, now he loved them. But all these small changes that had occurred via apartment osmosis were nothing in comparison to the biggest change in the room: the Christmas decorations.

Previously, Lucius had decorated his home with the eye of a designer. He took into account trends, popular colour schemes and even suggestions from décor magazines. This time he had gone the traditional way; warm colours, a large tree, stockings over the fireplace and a gingerbread house on the kitchen counter.

What really made it great was that he and Quill decorated together.

Lucius had never enjoyed putting up decorations until then. It had been great.

"Do rich people have magic ovens or something," Quill said from the kitchen, holding out a baking tray covered in pastries. "They were only in there for like two minutes. It's ridiculous."

"I've told you Birdie," Lucius smiled. "You need to put some of that fancy big city lawyer money into your kitchen."

The two had awoken only a little while ago at about eight in the morning, which was shocking for Lucius as he usually woke up about four on Christmas morning and refused to get back to sleep; he supposed that his cuddly Birdie made for a good teddy bear. Nova, Aila and Sentry would be arriving at about eleven, allowing the two men the time to have a slow, lazy and relaxed morning before they had to worry about other people. They were both taking good advantage of this time shared together.

So far, they had opened family presents and the smaller gifts from one another, deciding to open their main presents from the other after a drink of coffee. Even in his tired state, Lucius had loved the amazing pair of gloves that suited his style perfectly from a new boutique called 'Arcane Focus.' Quill too had loved his present from Lucius, which was a spyglass from an antique's shop that Quill had offhandedly mentioned liking.

That must have been over a month ago. Even Quill himself had forgotten about it.

As Quill as prepared their breakfast, Lucius couldn't stop himself from glancing at the two gifts still wrapped. The large box wrapped in brown paper and with a string bow was his gift to Quill, and the rectangular gift wrapped in shiny white paper and purple ribbon was Birdie's present for him. He was excited.

"You really are like a child today, aren't you," Quill chuckled, placing the plate of pastries on the coffee table and pressing his lips against Lucius' temple.

"Yes I am," Lucius said proudly. "Christmas is a day for fun, and Children have fun the best."

Quill just laughed at his boyfriend, placing two mugs of strong coffee down and sitting beside Lucius. As they now naturally did when they were alone together, Lucius cuddled up to his left side and rested his head against Quill's shoulder. Quill couldn't help but think about how much of a postcard moment this was; they were cuddling under a blanket in front of an open fire on Christmas day. It was perfect.

As relaxing as the cuddling was, it was also rather funny for Quill. It was obvious that Lucius wanted to get to the gifts – either because he wanted his own, or because he wanted to see Quill's reaction to his – and the fidgeting and faster-than-usual eating made that obvious. It was cute.

"Go on," Quill said after a few minutes. "Before you explode."

Not needing to be told twice, Lucius removed himself from the blanket and picked up both presents from under the tree. He brought them both over, placing Quill's gift for him on the coffee table and his gift for Quill on the man's lap. The large, somewhat puppy-like grin on his face told Quill that he was to open his gift first; nobody could say no to an expression like that.

He opened the gift carefully, removing the paper to see a plain white box. When he opened the box, he saw something made of a soft brown fabric with gold trimming, and a smile found itself onto his face. When he lifted it up, his suspicions on what the gift were proven correct.

It was a cloak. The same cloak he had designed for the bird statue.

He looked over the clothing as if it were made of gold, running his hand over the soft fabric with a soft smile on his face. It was exactly the same as the one he had first designed for his old character, with even the correct pattern throughout the edge of the cloak. It was almost surreal to be holding something that he had thought up in his head, and he looked towards his boyfriend with a smile on his face that was barely restraining a slight number of tears.

"Lucius," Quill's voice quivered slightly. "This is so nice. I-I don't really know what to say. It's perfect."

"Well, I did have to make a few changes. The shade of gold is a little off," Lucius explained, though Quill didn't know how he could see that. It looked identical to him. "And I did have to make a few adjustments to the fittings. I wanted to make it so you could wear it comfortably with and without the prosthetic."

That was when the first tear came. It was stupid, really. But part of the reason Quill liked to wear his prosthetic in public was because of clothing. Wearing a coat of jacket with one sleeve empty drew attention to his lack of an arm, so to have something that was designed to alleviate this anxiety just showed him how perfect a person Lucius was for him. Further proving this was the fact that Lucius had pulled him into a large hug, burying Quill's face into his chest.

"Don't cry Birdie," He soothed, and Quill chuckled.

"Sorry. It's just that you're so lovely," Quill admitted, leaning up and pressing his lips into Lucius' chin. The blonde was holding him too close to get his lips. "You should probably open your present before I make a bigger idiot of myself."

"You can't be an idiot around me; its impossible," Lucius smiled, removing his arms from around Quill, taking the present from the coffee table and placing it on his lap.

He was less careful when opening his present; he liked the wrapping to look nice, but he also liked getting at the present as fast as possible. He had opened it upside down and was presented with the back of a large picture frame. He turned it around carefully, now showing more care as he didn't want to break whatever his boyfriend had gotten him. When he saw what it was, the smile on his face warmed the entire room.

Quill had made him a map. He had taken the time to draw a map all for Lucius. And it was the most beautiful piece of art in the history of the universe.

"It's not perfect," Quill blushed a little, looking at the gift. "There's a few things that-"

"It is perfect," Lucius said, looking at the map with a large smile. His eyes were almost sparkling. "There is literally nothing that could possibly be improved about this. This, and your beautiful face, should be put in museums as they are the only things in the world that are perfect."

Quill laughed, his boyfriend seemed to love hyperbole. He knew that Lucius would just give him more compliments if he showed any more doubt. "Is it only my face that you think is perfect?"

"Well, there's some other things. But that's hardly appropriate for a Christmas morning, Birdie."

Again, Quill laughed at his boyfriend. "So you like it then?"

"I love it. It's amazing. I can see why you got paid for doing it. And I get one for free. Oh I must be so special," Lucius sighed in his melodrama, and Quill chuckled again. "Where should we hang it. I think putting it over the fireplace is where it deserves to be, but if you'd prefer, we can put it in the bedroom so it can be private. But we have to hang it up."

"I think… maybe over the fire would be nice," Quill smiled, and Lucius beamed again.

For the rest of the morning, the two found themselves enraptured by the other. Eventually, as time had gone by and the eventuality of their friends arriving became more likely, they finally pulled apart from each other and dressed for the day. As he left the bathroom after his shower, Lucius was met with the wonderous sight of Quill inspecting himself in his new cloak in the mirror. He looked beautiful, and if the blonde didn't have wet hair then he would have cuddled and kissed his boyfriend without a second hesitation. But he looked all beautiful and Lucius didn't want to run the risk of him getting soggy.

Quill's insistence that they get dressed apparently was well founded, as the doorbell rung only a few minutes after they had finished getting ready; Quill had decided that he would wear his cloak throughout the day. Lucius had absolutely no complaints, especially as he saw this just moments after hanging his new map above the fireplace.

The three guests came at the same time; apparently Aila had needed help bringing all the food and Sentry had been happy to oblige. As they greeted each other, Sentry realised that the cloak Quill was wearing was the same as the one she had modelled earlier in the year.

She didn't say anything. She just watched the couple with a smile.

After exchanging more presents with each other, Aila began to start cooking. Quill watched her work with curiosity, not having taken her as the cooking type. But as she seasoned all the food, made good use of the broth and the balanced all the times without once looking at the clock. She explained that, after being kicked out of her care home at eighteen, she had taken up cooking seriously; she needed to eat to survive and might as well make the food taste as good as it could be, so trained hard in home-style cooking.

His watching was cut short when Lucius wrapped an arm around his waist and turned him around. Quill looked up to his boyfriend with confusion.

"Look away Birdie. The evil woman is putting your best friend in the oven," Lucius shouted with clear melodrama. Quill could see Aila roll her eyes as she closed the oven door on the turkey. "Don't force yourself to watch. The fact that she's making you eat it is more than traumatising. Don't make it worse for yourself."

"You are the most ridiculous man on the planet," Quill chuckled, looking into his eye. That was when the realisation hit him. "Lucius, I love you."

The words had left his lips before he could stop them, but he didn't feel any regret. It was true, even if their relationship was somewhat new, he loved Lucius. The man was absurd, loud, overly confident, randomly put extended words with a 'y' at the end for no reason, and Quill loved all of it. He was so perfect to be around, Quill loved every moment of it, and he wanted to let his boyfriend know how he felt.

"I love you too, Quill."

Lucius' voice had quivered slightly, and his smile was so honest that Quill found warmth overflow him. They leant towards each other simultaneously, embracing in a kiss. Lucius pulled Quill a little closer, with his arms around his boyfriend's waist. Quill had placed his hand on Lucius' neck to pull him closer.

After they pulled apart, they were both blushing and looking into each other's eyes. They seemed to realise at the same time that they had kissed in front of their friends. That didn't cause them from pulling apart, though.

"Birdie," Lucius smiled. "Look up."

Quill did, and as he looked up, he saw Lucius quickly bring his left hand above them both. He was holding mistletoe, which had been sitting on the countertop beside them. Quill looked down towards Lucius again, smiling softly.

"You really are ridiculous," Quill laughed, leaning up and kissing Lucius again.

"I prefer creative," Lucius defended himself, smiling. "And you're not any less absurd, Birdie."

"Suppose I'm not," Quill admitted.

They leant towards each other again, kissing in each other's arms, surrounded by the people they cared for. It was perfect.

#quillucius #quillek ad khollar #lucius virion-elluin elenasto #Quill x Lucius #rollonsunday #high rollers #aerois #fanfic

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