#very important to me- i recently changed my last name for family reasons
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jeremy i do not mean to make this sound threatening but you are hiding something and i am going to find out what it is
#tsc spoilers#does he hate his last name#very important to me- i recently changed my last name for family reasons#what about that fourth sibling#what's his relationship with his mother like#why does his sister blame him for 'destroying the family'#is he in contact with his father#the sunshine court#tsc#jeremy knox#all for the game#aftg
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something suggestive about balls: pool table proxy wars in akechi's confidant, rank 7
There's only one thing you really need to know about rank 7 of Akechi's confidant, and it is this: it happens on the day of the incriminating murder phone call.
We know this for several reasons:
It can't be locked for the name change ("family-name-kun" to "given name")—Akechi never calls Joker by name in conf 7. In fact, unless I miss my guess, he never calls Joker by name during the confidant at all, other than when you say hello in Kichijoji—probably because his term of address changes on 10/31;
Futaba will later tell us the call was recorded "a few days" after she bugged Akechi's phone on 10/29. From 10/29 to 11/2 is four days;
Given the importance of confidant 7, especially the rivalry discussion at the end, it's inconceivable that it happens before Joker hears the phone call. He goes there in full knowledge of what Akechi is, and what he intends.
Lastly, 11/2 can be summed up as "absolute chaos":
First, Akechi meets you on the train platform before school. He tells you he "won't be seeing you privately like this any more", once your deal is concluded—well, of course not, you'll be dead.
But this chat is so important that it appears to have two forms, unlike all the rest of Akechi's train platform appearances. One, the one I got in my playthrough, is quite gentle in tone. The other is much less so, much more dismissive, almost third semester in its bluntness. Assuming they're both in game, I'd guess the first is if you have the confidant levelled, and the second is if you don't. It's not legacy dialogue from vanilla P5; this scene looks to have been added for Royal. IDK, I don't know what triggers the two different chats, or if the other is even in game—but I'd like to.
If you haven't yet been to the hideout since 10/29, Morgana will force you to go after school. That's to say: you must have done Akechi's first hideout meeting, the first hideout of the Sae's Palace mission, by this date;
Last of all, Akechi texts you in the evening, for confidant 7 and its violent change in tone. "After all, losing doesn't sit well with either of us. Am I right?"
If 11/2 isn't the day of the phone call, I'll eat a nest of wasps.
boys and their toys
So. Joker walks into Penguin Sniper for confidant 7, in the a. full and b. very recently acquired knowledge that Akechi is a two-faced killer who's gleefully planning his murder. And what does he do?
Akechi has a lot of revealing things to say about balls in this scene, but we're not really here for him. Because look at how Joker is standing.
[screenshots below the cut, yo]
That's his usual "I have a pool cue" stance, with the cue held in front of him. Here he is doing it with the squad (plus one traitor):
See the difference? When he's with the others, Joker's facing the table—like you would at a billiard table, like Akechi is doing in the picture at the top. But in the confidant, when he's just learned exactly how malicious Akechi's intent is, Joker's not facing the table at all. Joker is facing Akechi. And that means he's keeping that cue firmly between them—whether as a shield or an impromptu weapon.
Now, like we said before, that's a standard pose—if Joker is holding a pool cue, he will hold it in that way. But it's the strange angle he's standing at, facing Akechi and not the pool table, that turns it into a message of sorts.
What happens next? Akechi leans down to take his shot, laying out his extended listen-I'm-going-to-murder-you-soon-and-I-haven't-fully-rationalised-it-yet metaphor all the while. Joker's eyes follow his to the table to watch. But he never turns to the table. He stays facing Akechi, and he still keeps the cue between the two of them:
The next thing is that you answer his question—"Hm, that sure sounds like a psychotic breakdown to me"—and Joker uses his hand to gesture....
... but then he gets the cue back between the two of them again, lickety-split:
The next thing that happens is that Akechi—probably deliberately, as part of his extended metaphor—misses his shot. The two of them pause to stare at the cue ball—in the Japanese text, Akechi has explicitly mentioned it as the ball you strike that starts everything unpredictably rolling. But Joker still keeps the cue between them, and still hasn't turned to the table:
(BTW, here's our old friend the sad sprite—there are some really interesting uses of it in this scene, that are worth watching out for.) But now we get to the point. "But even knowing all of that, you're still not going to quit, are you?"
Their eyes meet; the cue is still between them....
You can say "I've made up my mind" or "I won't miss my shot"; both mean, essentially, "fuck you"; both get the same result.
But now. Only now, as Joker goes to take that shot, does he finally turn to the table, exposing himself to Akechi. (coughs)
He nails it. And then they head out into the street to talk about rivalry. But take a look at their positions now:
Note that Akechi has not moved; only Joker has moved. But now the picture looks different. Now, it looks like Akechi is the one defending himself.
Joker has moved in and taken his shot, dropping his defence and opening himself up to attack in the process. Akechi hasn't moved or altered anything he was doing, yet now he's on the defensive.
And Joker's shot was successful, of course. Just like it will be on 11/20.
this is reaching, you should be ashamed
I see your point! Let's go back in time and have a look at confidant 2, for comparison. Here are the boys in happier times:
See? Joker is facing the table. Even though he's talking to Akechi, and looking at Akechi, he's turned to the table.
Here's another. This one's more dubious because of the angle, which means he does have the cue in front of him—but again, you can see Joker is pointed at the table, not at Akechi:
Funny you should say that, kid. Rank 7 Joker is on to you.
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This happened a while ago but it's been bothering me.
In high school, my best friend (Hayley) and I briefly dated after we A: realised we weren't straight and B: had romantic feelings for one another. We didn't tell anyone about it at the time, and due to the circumstances behind her breaking it off, it just. Never came up with friends. It was a little on again off again for years due to her issues around commitment and vulnerability, and eventually I put my foot down and said I was over her and just wanted to be friends, nothing more.
Around this time, a mutual friend set her up with a friend of her boyfriend. I was the last one to find out in our friend group that she was dating Tim, and only really because she asked for permission to tell Tim that we had dated, because they were starting to get serious.
At this point in time, we were all about 23, so it had been over 5 years since we'd been romantically involved. Everyone in our friend group knew we were queer, but we weren't out publicly yet, and they still didn't know about Hayley and I dating. But I still agreed because I understood her wanting to be open and honest with him.
Fast forward a year and Tim cheats on her with his ex-girlfriend. I won't go into details about how messy this was, because a lot of it is personal to them, but the relevant part is that Tim justified this to his friend group by telling them that he'd done it because he was upset about Hayley doing it first.
He tells them all that Hayley and I had dated, naming me in the process, and lies that we (Hayley and I) slept together on a recent girls trip. We find out because one of his friends is a mutual friend's boyfriend, and suddenly all hell breaks loose because our friend group finds out Hayley and I dated, and both of us are not only outed, but rumours start spreading about us cheating.
It's important to note that I'm asexual, and have some trauma around being discussed sexually that I hadn't fully dealt with at the time. Tim never apologises to me for any of it, Hayley jokes to me on the phone while in tears that it's particularly ridiculous because I'm asexual, and the two of them get back together.
Here is the messy part. I don't bring up how I'm feeling, because I'm more concerned about Hayley's feelings, for various reasons, and I have a very strong people pleasing streak that I also had not dealt with at the time.
Fast forward two years and I am suddenly unpacking all this trauma, while also dealing with a lot of personal turmoil. My friendship with Hayley has become more and more strained as we grow and change as people, and I begin to realise that we haven't really been the same around each other for a while now.
This culminates in Hayley messaging me one day to say that she and Tim are engaged, and I, caught up in what was going on at the time (and I was also at work), don't immediately reply - partially because I'm figuring out how to word a reply I don't actually mean. Except I forget to respond and later that night, she messages me and essentially tells me not to bother.
I give her space, as she told me not to message her, and then she messages me two weeks later angry about me not contacting her. I am dealing with a lot that I'm not getting into here, including a court case and a death in the family, but finally I decide to just come clean.
I message her and apologise for not responding sooner. I explain that I'm still unpacking a lot of my own problems and trying to figure things out, and I'm realising that I haven't been comfortable around Tim since the incident happened. I explain that I don't hold it against her at all, because I didn't voice any of this at the time, but it also isn't something I can ignore. I explain that I feel like we've both been trying too hard to maintain a friendship that just isn't working anymore. I tell her that I would never ask her to put a relationship aside for my sake, especially with our history, and I don't want to put her in an unfair situation by making her feel like she's having to balance the two of us, but neither do I want to put myself in an unfair situation by continuing to ignore my own feelings about him and the entire debacle.
So I tell her, point blank, that I still care about her, but we've grown apart, and I think the healthiest solution is to end our friendship. I wish her the best with Tim and explain that this isn't anyone's fault, it's just that we were already growing apart and with everything that's happened, I don't think that our relationship is repairable.
Since then, I've not had much contact with the extended friend group for similar reasons, though I'm 90% sure they've sent a gift basket for my last two birthdays, they haven't attached a name or said anything about it.
I still feel terrible about the entire situation and sometimes doubt if I did the right thing, or if there was a better way of handling things. So. AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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Behind the Screen
The Beginning
On 20th September 2020 I posted my first ever Live Reactions on GCF in Tokyo. I was very nervous. In a world full of so much hate, would my attempt to go back in time to reminisce together and spread positivity be accepted? I wasn’t so sure. My idea behind the very concept of Live Reactions was because I was sick of so many fights about GCF in Tokyo. I wanted to show the true loving reactions to these moments, without all the drama that ends up going around in a vicious cycle. Thus, I started doing some research.
After I finished advanced searching on various social media platforms, I got ready to make the thread. I found myself quickly enjoying looking through old posts. It was fun and I think that’s a big part of why I am still making these now, nearly three years later. Plus the support. Once the thread was made, I posted it and actually hid my phone. I came back to it about an hour later and was very surprised to see such a huge response to it. At the time, it was one of my most popular posts and instantly there was a desire for more.
I decided to throw myself into it. If people wanted more, then I was happy to help with that! Especially when it was making so many people happy. I made a new Google Drive account and a spreadsheet to go with it, so that I could keep track of which Jikook moments I had already done or not. Over time, I would start formatting my posts properly and understand how the advanced search function worked on Twitter. I am a History and English major, so being accurate is very important to me. This gave birth to my second style of posts: Discussion and timeline threads.
The Unexpected
Though these threads are well received and made with a lot of love, there was a dark side to this that I have never really spoken about before. The jikooker hierarchy is a strange one and is one that I try to ignore, but with that comes consequences and a certain isolation. A group of jikookers did not like that my account had apparently grown from out of nowhere and started spreading rumours about me, my posts and my identity. This hurt because I had never spoken to these people before. I would love it if we actually conversed, because I enjoy talking to people and I like to think that I am a pleasant person. But they were not interested and instead they continued to try and tarnish my name. I decided to come out to my closest friends and just continued what I was always doing.
I mostly ignored the bullying and it soon stopped once they realised that I was really not interested in the drama. I never have been and never will. After all, that was the main reason I started this journey of making threads. To try and counter the hate and drama, I just never expected it from my own side. It made me more determined than ever and I also made a promise to myself, to make sure others NEVER experienced what I did. A good friend of mine recently revealed that I was one of the only ones that would reply to their curious messages about Jikook. I feel like this is also something important: How we are seen from the outside. We want Jikook to be recognized for their bond and their talent. But how can we do that if all we do is fight or act better than others? I will always be here to talk or help others, it’s just in my nature to do so.
The Present and The Future
In the last few months or so my life has changed dramatically, in real life and also online. I have lost family members, got a new job and I am currently on carers leave. I decided to bring my laptop in the hope that I could work on some posts whilst everything was happening. I have (somehow) managed to find a balance between both and now have a loose schedule that I try to follow. I also try to not pressure myself whenever there is a new Jikook moment to instantly start working on it. I used to get really stressed, but now I am much better.
One thing, however, is making this whole process rather difficult. Twitter. Or “X” as it’s now called. I can no longer just work on a post whenever I want to, I have to be time conscious. I currently have four accounts and have to rotate between them. Last night Jungkook went on We-live, with Jimin active in the comments. Jikookory happened. It was around 2am my time, but I’m still struggling to sleep in case I am needed. I decided to work on getting screenshots and it was hard. The search function does not work as well as it used to and my timeline is messed up on my backup accounts. There’s probably a case study that can be done here, but I just really wanted to work on a post without being restricted. I continued though, determined to show what others see. Sometimes we’re only aware of what is is happening in our own circles and not what is going on around us.
Those that are in personal spaces with me know my deep frustration with all of this. On my Birthday, my main account got double limited and then my second account got locked. It was not fun. However, I refuse to give up. I have already completed my scheduled posts for August and September and am (very slowly) working on posts ready for November and December. Assuming that “X” is still around then. If not, I’ll post elsewhere or here. And for those asking why I haven’t been posting on here, my account seems to be bugged and won’t let me post links or videos in text posts for some reason. No idea why. Guess I don’t have much luck with social media platforms.
With the way things are right now, this is a promise. I will continue to keep doing what I have been doing over all these years. It might be harder but I still have that same goal that I’ve always had: To spread postivity and appreciation for Jikook for all in a safe environment. Love you all.
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How does your adhd help or make more difficult your job as a doctor?
thank you very much for the ask, pal!
obviously, this answer needs to start with a little acknowledgement of my relative privilege when it comes to my adhd.
like many women, i was diagnosed as an adult, but i was lucky enough that this happened when i was still a student [six year degree coming in clutch - the fact that i had to pay for the diagnosis, not so much], which meant that when i qualified and started actually working, i'd had several years of taking medication and coming up with techniques to manage my life. i can very well imagine [particularly because i know so many people it's happened to] how much more difficult i would find doing my job if i had only recently acquired - or was still waiting for - a diagnosis.
as i've said, the reasons for my late diagnosis were primarily gender-related - i'm a cisgender woman, and so even though i have the more "classic", "male" version of adhd [by which i mean that i'm hyperactive, rather than the inattentive-type manifestation of the condition which is presumed - although not, in my view, entirely accurately - to be more common in women] i wasn't screened as a child because adhd was seen as a thing which boys had.
but they're also because the circumstances of my early life - above all, that my family wasn't housing- or food-insecure, and that my parents were able to have a work-life balance because of this - allowed me to cope well enough with the bad parts of being a child with an undiagnosed neurological disability to be extremely high-achieving while at school. i was in trouble all the time - as most of us were - but this was usually because i spent my time in the classroom messing around, safe in the knowledge that i could race through any work last minute and be completely fine. i was my teachers' nightmare, but it was for the extremely chic reason that all the consequences they threatened me with never came to pass. i was told for fourteen years of schooling that the rug was about to pulled out from under me if i didn't buck up my ideas. instead, i got top marks in every exam, i got into an excellent university to study a competitive subject, i got a first in that subject, i have also - as well as my medical training - got a phd, i'm in an interesting and unusual speciality. i have a lot of letters after my name.
this is because i'm astonishingly clever - and i won't apologise for stating that as fact - but it's also due to good fortune. adhd [especially adhd which is undiagnosed until adulthood] is enormously overrepresented in the prison population, among addicts, among those who have no qualifications, among the long-term unemployed. i think it's important to simultaneously recognise that - while i do think of myself as disabled, and i'm right to - i am very, very lucky in the treatment plan and support system i have. i could be in a very different position had even minor things about my childhood changed.
but with this context taken into account... my view is genuinely that medicine is the number one job for the dopamine-challenged.
i'm not going to go into details about my specialism on the public timeline, but it has several aspects which work really well for my brain.
it's usually very fast-paced and unpredictable. like many people with adhd, i am excellent at working under pressure [and i'm great in a crisis] and very much not excellent without it.
but even when we have slower days it still always feels like i'm progressing towards a tangible goal. like many people with adhd, i'm not great at visualising long-term things - i think in the now and the not-now - but my work relates to cases where the long-term goals and outcome are easy to visualise, and i like that.
it's an area of medicine which is, essentially, puzzle-solving, often in creative and novel ways. like many people with adhd, i struggle to maintain focus on tasks which are too repetitive - but i'm also, as we often are, very good at spotting patterns and details, i have excellent intuition, and i'm a very good lateral thinker.
it lets me be on my feet a lot, to be moving around, and to be doing things physically. my fidgeting has really been cut down by the ol' lisdexamfetamine, but the twitchy impulses which remain are channelled very nicely into being able to do things with my hands and have it count towards my workload.
it's very sociable. i get to spend a lot of time just having a natter with the nurses - and i always have someone around to body double with - but i also get to work with lots of other departments and other non-medical professionals, i teach medical students, i present at conferences, and so on. it's very busy, there's always something new going on, and something which interests me is guaranteed to pop up just when i'm starting to get a bit fed up with a sitting-at-my-desk task...
and the "this interests me" point is the key one, i think.
like many people with adhd, my issue isn't a deficit of attention, it's an inability to easily control the focus of that attention. i have a typically low tolerance for boredom, and i find it extremely difficult both to start and to concentrate on enough to complete tasks which don't interest me.
but i like what i do - i find it fascinating - and that means that i have a lot of attention to devote to it. i can't remember what day my bins go out or what my mam asked me to pick up for her from the supermarket, but i can remember endless information pertaining to the human body, no matter how grim the situation that body finds itself in.
it's taken a bit of trial-and-error to get to where i am - i found the surgical rotations of my training really tough, for example, because surgery is a discipline which is very repetitive, and which lacks that mystery-solving element which so appeals to me - but i'm in a place now where i genuinely think that having adhd makes me a better doctor.
and even the night shifts are worth it to not have to work in an office.
[no disrespect to the spreadsheet girlies...]
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Shipper Tag Game
thanks so much to @godotismissingx for tagging me again!
1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care anymore?
i'll be honest LOL i was oblivious in stuff like this when i was a teenager. yes, i'd drool over celebrities and characters, but i never knew shipping was a thing.
2. Which ship would you consider your first one?
i got into the fandom culture very late, so my first ship was joseph chandler x emerson kent from whitechapel
3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple?
i honestly don't remember. i got into fanfic pretty late too. maybe whitechapel as well?
4. Do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over?
nope
5. Did you ever get into ship discourse?
i don't really do discourse most of the time.
6. Did you used to have any no-otp or have it currently?
i don't know how you define no-otp. like is it just something you don't ship, or you hate? there are ships that i don't like, and i just don't mention them at all on my blog. if you know that i've watched a show or film, but i never mention or reblog a popular ship from the show/film, that's probably my no-otp...
7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read?
LOL i'm predictable, shi qiang x wang miao (shiwang) from three-body. i'm especially into reading fanfic recently. one of the first things i check every morning is if there's new shiwang fic.
8. Currently, do you have any OTPs?
shiwang has been living in my mind rent free for an entire year now, and i haven't gotten tired of them yet...probably never will...
recently i'm into cheng bing x pan dahai from the lonely warrior and tang chuan x shi hong from the devotion of suspect x.
and just to name a few other otps: guang hongfeng x zhou xun in day and night, lee joongyeop x cha jaehwan from chimera, lee chang x youngshin in kingdom; cheng fengtai x shangxirui from winter begonia, agron x nasir from spartacus, jack x ianto from torchwood, and my first whitechapel ship is always very important to me.
9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together?
i'm used to not having ships be 100% canon. what can you do? sigh!
10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting?
can't really think of anything
11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?
can't think of anything either...
12. What was your favorite crack ship?
i don't really have one...xD...
13. Who is the couple you read more fanfics of?
definitely shiwang...i kinda stopped reading fanfic in early 2019 due to the original sin/原生之罪 drama and a family incident...i might have tried some fanfic occasionally, but i generally wasn't in a mood for fanfic until three-body aired in 2023.
another reason is back then, most chinese fanfic writers don't really use ao3, so lots of fanfic for day and night and original sin was on lofter and weibo instead of ao3. and it's a pain in the ass trying to track fic on those sites. but now, most of the shiwang fic would be on ao3. and because shiwang is very loved in cfandom, new fic never stops coming.
i do read western fandom fanfic too, but definitely not as much as the chinese ones ever since i got back into cdramas in 2017.
14. What most of your ships usually have in common?
give me all of the dilfslove or dld (dilf loves dilf) LOL.
enemies to lover is something i always like. though how you define "enemy" would be very different in different ships. i also tend to ship work partners (detective duos; cop & some kind of consultant; villain duos)
15. What you absolutely hate in a ship?
maybe the lack of chemistry? if i can't feel the chemistry between the actors, no matter how romantic or hot the plot is between them, i probably won't ship them.
tagging @bahoreal @xinxiaojie @yohankang @zhivchik @a-very-fond-farewell @randomingoftherandomness only if you haven't done this and want to do it; also tagging any followers who want to do this.
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Highly Suspicious & Unfairly Cute Starters !
Taken from the 2023 novel by Talia Hibbert, Highly Suspicious & Unfairly Cute! Some of these have already been edited. You can change them however you see fit!
“If they turn up dead tomorrow, you’re boing to be arrested.”
“What is this betrayal?”
“Your grace and maturity continue to astound me.”
“You absolute living demon.”
“Is that how you speak to the greatest sibling of all time?”
“You don’t think I did this on purpose, do you? You know I didn’t. Right? (Name). Do you?”
“It’s shit, I know it’s shit, I realize we’re not friends or anything, but I didn’t mean… I didn’t want to hurt you. Of course I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Are you possessed? You are, aren’t you?”
“Has my room recently been declared public thoroughfare?”
“Maybe I’d be polite to you if I thought you were even physically capable of being polite back.”
“Do you enjoy pissing me off? Would you consider it, like, a hobby?”
“Tell me the last relationship you built. Quickly.”
“How can you justify all the things you said to them?”
“Be careful. Behave yourself. And stick with (Name).”
“Aw, (Name). You don’t have to beg.”
“Please stop saying that before I vomit all over these lovely pants.”
“What do you think I’m going to do, push you into a ditch?”
“Nothing. Just… I knew your quiet and polite routine couldn’t last.”
“I thought you liked it when I kept my mouth shut.”
“You were embarrassed of me. That was the problem. That makes you the bad guy.”
“One day they’ll find out how weird you really are, (Name). You know that, right?”
“The way I see it, we weren’t ever meant to be friends. Whatever we used to be was… accidental or circumstantial…”
“I can’t spend days at a time fighting with you, (Name).”
“Just… warm a person up first, would you?”
“If you went on much longer, I was just gonna push you until you laid down, then turn off the lights.”
“(Name) says a lot of things. They’re incurable positive.”
“Absolute trust leads to absolute heartbreak.”
“For legal reason, I can neither confirm nor deny.”
“I had no idea (Name)’s birthday was an issue of legal contention.”
“Newsflash, your entire family loves me. You’re the only one who needs to get with the program.”
“Cheer up. This is an experience. We’re living life on the edge.”
“Shut up. They’re cold.”
“I’m in turmoil. How could anyone eat at a time like this?”
“Fighting off bears in the woods must forge powerful bonds.”
“Nothing. Ineffectuality is your defining trait.”
“Don’t talk shit to them again. Leave them alone.”
“You’re avoiding a conversation about our friendship because you avoid your feelings.”
“I’m not like you. I really don’t have the whole emotional intelligence thing down.”
“I’ll stop being weird with you, and you stop examining the darkness in my soul, or whatever. Yeah?”
“Because it doesn’t matter. Even if neither of us did anything interesting in our entire lives, it wouldn’t matter.”
“You don’t need to be special or significant to have value. You’re just import, anyways, and people either see that or they don’t. They either love you, or they don’t.”
“Contrary to everything you just said, (Name), I know for a fact that you are very smart.”
“Are you telling me you’re not in love with (Name)?”
“But you know what I care about? Whether or not you’re happy with your bitter, vengeful choices. Are you? Happy?”
“Do you know what you just said to me? Or were you, like, in an emotional fugue state and you’re going to snap out of it and forget the entire thing?”
“You are so repressed.”
“No. When I pulled you on top of me and, you know, gazed dreamily into your eyes and said I liked you, I did not mean as friends. Obviously.”
“You shouldn’t be allowed to look at people like that when you’re interrogating them.”
“I’m not telling you not to have feelings. I’d never tell you what to do in your own head.”
“Is work the only thing people are supposed to dream about? I thought fantasies were supposed to be fun.”
“You’re not allowed to flirt with me while (Name) is in the building.”
“Do you know how annoying it is that intrusive thoughts come almost every time you want things to go well?”
“I shouldn’t feel like this. No one should be able to make me /feel/ like this.”
“Just kiss me. That’s all. What’s a little tongue between friends?”
“I spill my tortured forbidden guts and all you can say is it makes sense?”
“Buddy. We talked about this. Stop memorizing sad statistics.”
“I wish you’d trust me, (Name). I really, really do.”
“Why is your face doing that at this hour of the morning?”
“It’s my natural sunny disposition.”
“I’m not, like, helping you. Just glad I won’t be the only family disappointment.”
“Aren’t you angry at me? For… hiding it?”
“I know you wanted to end it, but I can’t just… suddenly change how I feel about you. I’m trying. All right?”
“The point is, I want to take the risk because I want you. And I trust you. And you’re worth it! Do you get that? You’re worth it to me.”
“(Name), are you sweating? What have I told you about bodily functions? Only in private.”
“Are you gonna propose when we go to McDonald’s later?”
#roleplay meme#rp meme#starter sentences#sentence starters#ask meme#ask prompts#inbox memes#inbox prompts#novel sentence starters#the way this book had me giggling & kicking my feet ....
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Recently I had someone piss me off about this very topic, so to get it out of my head it’s going here. Hi, welcome to the not well put together metas. Use this evidence how you please, but don’t harass anyone. Arguments are not owed to anyone. You can simply walk away if you don’t want to have it. And put your time into better things! Like this! A creative output! Go on, do ittt!!!! Make the negatives into something positive.
Tw for mentions of suicide.
In one of the very first scenes of this show, we see our wonderful, amazing, insecure, and downright unbearable to some degree, Bakugou Katsuki. He’s arrogant and most people think that this first action he ever does is irredeemable. Because telling someone to take a swan dive off of a roof so that he doesn’t try to get into UA (bc Katsuki knows that Izuku would find a way) is a really fucking shitty action and irredeemable.
This belief is true to a degree. But let’s establish a few points that are given to us. 1, this is out of character for Katsuki. The bullying no, but the extent of his bullying, yes. As pointed out here.
(Sorry for bad quality I wanted to get the official translation so I used my irl copy)
“You went too far today” aka “you went too far compared to what is the norm”. It’s not what he would usually do.
2, lip service. As stated on the can when he says this, it’s a tongue and cheek to Katsuki’s true beliefs. He doesn’t actually want Izuku to kill himself, nor does he believe it is Izuku’s fault. He is well aware of the severity of his actions the moment he makes them. The point of this scene is not to excuse his actions but to explain why he did them.
3, insecurity. The why of this scene. It’s a facade. Not what he truly believes.
But that’s the great part about his development; there is no justification. He just did it and it was bad. That’s honestly why I hate a lot of bullies in media. It’s always that they had a bad family life, or they were forced to, or they were protecting the mc. It’s never that they were a shitty fucking kid who was insecure. Now THATS the most realistic explanation. Part of the reason for why this is so common in media is because of how hard it is to do correctly. Mha does it in a phenomenal way. Katsuki never changes his personality, even when he gets his character development. He’s mellowed out a bit sure, but he’s still him. Katsuki. Bakugou Katsuki. The kid who yells at people when they tease him, the kid that still says “DIE” in every situation in heroics. He even made sure he kept most of his hero name. He didn’t just make it “dynamite”, he made it “lord explosion murder god dynamite”. He’s still himself.
The excuse will never appear. This is actually what a lot of bakugou/bkdk stans get wrong: there will never be an explanation passed what was given. Because it’s not needed to tell the narrative. No matter how many fanfics you write about it, or how many hc’s you add to it. In canon it will always remain this. Bakugou Katsuki did a shitty act, understood what he did was wrong, got passed their mis communications, did everything in his power to make up for it, and apologized for his actions. Standing side by side with Izuku. Your most important actions will always be what you do in the present over what you did in the past.
And my last point, which is just me putting this into perspective, but… you think that toga is more redeemable than him? What? Or Zuko? Hell, even fucking uncle Iroh. Name me a character that YOU think deserved their redemption arc. Was killing people or attempting to kill people better morally than telling someone to kill themself? You seriously BELIEVE THAT???
Face it. The reason why he is so hated for this scene is because of projection. Projecting him as a villain in dekus story. Someone for him to surpass and leave in the dirt. I fully understand WHY it’s so common, but if you’re gonna pick a fight, at least fucking get past the projection bit. He’s relatable, I get that. Fully understand that. Doesn’t make picking fights with people who disagree with you out of nowhere and unprompted any less bad.
(Also sorry for not posting for days, I’m back and there’s more stuff coming soon but for now, this is what you get lol. It’s my page and I can do what I want sibdodnd)
#before anyone comes to conclusions#this was something irl. I’m not just making a hate post out of nowhere bc someone pissed me off. people don’t affect me that much lmao#this still has tinges of my bitterness bc I keep being baited into arguments so I’m sorry to anyone bothered by that lol#that kinda makes this partly a vent then huh? well sorry peoples#excuse me for being kinda angry. I’m getting it out in a healthy manner!#midoriya izuku#mha deku#bkdk#bkdk brainrot#bakudeku#bakugou katsuki#bnha deku#mha analysis#deku midoriya#mha bakugou#mha katsuki#mha#bnha
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respond to the prompts out of character!
what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have? I wanted to write Anakin for years, but I don't half ass pick up any character. It's one of the reason why I keep my multi under 15, at all times. I have to have them fleshed out. I've been fascinated by Vader since I was a child. All my friends had Leia Halloween costumes. I just wanted to be Vader. Anakin intrigued me, as well, as I got older. I ALWAYS loved Hayden as Anakin. But, I spent years before ultimately choosing to write him. I had to learn mannerisms, ways he fights, his quirks, his emotional responses, and Vader, because Vader is Anakin.
is there anything you don’t like to write? Look when you play one of the biggest villains in pop culture, there is not much that is off limits. I refuse to ever write or AU him, as a Rebel. He would never be a rebel and I would never write him as such. I also only very rarely and only really for I think one or two people, will write him not falling. His fall is extremely important to what the chosen one prophecy needs, to fufill. I'm not huge on fix-it. I mean, sometimes I enjoy them and I will never change Hayden as Anakin's FC. I don't ship him with other males, with the exception of one and it's writer specific. I don't write smut on him to just write smut, but if it fits, I'm okay. I also don't auto ship.
is there anything you really enjoy writing? Angst, pain, drama, things that make you cry and hate life. I love happiness if we have like something dramatic too. The prequels are a tragedy. They just are. Anakin's life even before his fall, he may have been married, but he was at war. He has brief times with Padme for instance, when he does have happy moments, but war is something that was a lot of his life. I lean towards his destiny more towards trying to create a healthy family dynamic, that didn't exist.
how do you come up with headcanons? I have things knocking around my head and sometimes I get asks. I'm currrently working on one, for three days now based off someone asking me what I thought of one quote.
do you write in silence or do you play music? usually, the TV is on.
do you plan your replies or wing them? I wing them mostly or for the most part, I don't pre-read the previous reply always. I mean, I will sometimes, but with certain partners, I know how I'll react. Sometimess, I have to calm Anakin or Vader down if it's angst before I reply because he's a mess, who will say things, if I don't. But, my best rp partners understand his reactionary responses.
do you enjoy shipping? I love shipping. Just not having it forced on me. I'm open to a lot, if it it makes sense. I also love many types of connections.
what’s your alias/name? Tanya
age? Older than 30. I'm at the age where it says years young on Tumblr.
birthday? April 21st
favorite color? Cubbie Blue
favorite song? Anything off the Sons of Anarchy Soundtracks by lately Day is Gone by Noah Gundersen and Come Join the Murder; Also, Lightning Crashes by Live is a song I listen to a lot, Anything by Bob Seger when I need to feel close to my mom
last movie you watched? Red Dawn (not my idea)
last show you watched? One Tree Hill
last song you listened to? Ainsi Bas La Vida by Indila.
favorite food? Tough Guys by REO Speedwagon
favorite season? sprinter. it's that time in February - March, when it's like 70 but not miserable yet.
do you have a tumblr best friend?
For the last year and half and some change, 100% it has to be Mica (mayxthexforce) and Tori (bchemianrhapscody). With Mica, I have talked to her more than I have talked to anyone, in a time when things were really hard for me, after I lost my mom. But, there are others in the Star Wars fandom, and those are people who have been my friend, even when lies were told and I lost long-term friends. Some people aren't like bestie status but I adore them so much. More recently, I have been talking a ton to @story1ines of late and she is quickly becoming a close friend who I bombard with messages. I also adore @xx--ofmanythoughts--xx, who listens to my baseball ramblings.
I have been on tumblr rp for 13 years and there are people who have come and gone. I will always still communicate with the ones I was the closest to in the world offline, but I forever love my first rp friendship, the Rachel to my Puck, my main Tara to my Jax who I wrie with on Discord only now, the only Wendy I will ever accept to my Jax, my one and only Athelstan and Philippe @mcnsieur, who even though I don't talk to everyday by any means because life is busy, I literally can message her anytime. So many other people I am not remembering.
TAGGED BY: @mayxthexforce
TAGGING: @galaccias, @bchemianrhapscdy, @cagedpotential, @writtenxbeginnings, @story1ines, @mcnsieur, @xx--ofmanythoughts--xx
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A disclaimer before I share: Rebecca Kiessling has not been supportive of Jen after Abby Johnson had lied about her history. HOWEVER, something disgusting has happened recently that has put innocent victims at risk due to unethical journalism. From Kiessling’s Facebook page:
Friends, I'm going to change my social media habits and post my personal things for "Facebook friends only" because of my horrible experience with a reporter and because I've been harassed by people who I've blocked who still use others they know to creep on my page, or use fake accounts to stalk me, and then harass me - people who don't understand what "leave me alone" means and don't care how much they hurt others. I've had an open page since the beginning - roughly 2006, because I'm considered to be a public figure. I've enjoyed the opportunity to meet wonderful people from all over the globe - people who've heard me speak and would like to follow me through my open Timeline. I have a public figure page - Rebecca Kiessling Pro-Life Speaker, but more people have clearly preferred to just follow me on my personal Timeline as opposed to liking that page. I'm not Facebook friends with everyone I meet because there is a Facebook friend limit. As you've seen, I have posted personal things publicly because I haven't wanted to be one-dimensional. I value real connection - not merely posting about abortion and pro-life stuff all the time. My life is more than that, and I think that's an inherent part of my pro-life testimony - I'm a real person with ups and downs in life like any of you, but my life is valuable, just like yours. I've shared my tragedies and I've shared my times of joy. I've felt that posting real-life things, big and small, has fostered developing closer relationships with those I've met because amazing conversations arise when we share our lives, whether it's just encouraging posts, talking about the weather, hobbies, challenges or a movie we enjoyed.
With the recent release of The New Yorker article and the almost year-long experience of interviews for what was originally supposed to be an article about terminating parental rights of rapists, I now see the need to limit my personal Timeline. I've already hidden some personal posts and I'm going to permanently make all of my past posts private. I also had to make my friends list private because... The New Yorker reporter was somehow able to spend months scouring years of my public posts, and found one with my paternal cousin (once removed). In conjunction with my once-public friends list of nearly 5,000, was inexplicably somehow able to ascertain who my biological father is. I didn't find this out until I read the New Yorker article which said that the reporter had actually placed a phone call to the man who raped my mother. (He shockingly did the same with other rape victims interviewed for the story, despite his promise to protect them.) The article says my bio father hung up the phone when my name was mentioned, but according to numerous paternal family members, this man is still dangerous, has a bad temper, is extremely violent, etc. and recommended I never meet him. I want to be safe, my birthmom and family to be safe, so I've never met him and I've kept it all private for that very reason.
I have been through hell in my life and I don't have the bandwidth to deal with cyber stalkers. I've made certain that no one else can access this kind of information, but there are other cyber stalkers harassing me as well, including the Satanic Temple psychos who've harassed me since their leader took the abortion pill on-air when we were on a political debate program Fox 2 Detroit last March (I think it was.) I've blocked hundreds since.
I'm just done with it. My peace is more important. So please accept my apologies, but to the roughly 10,000 people who follow me on my Timeline who aren't actually Facebook friends with me, the posts from me that you will see will just be about pro-life activism, maybe some other encouraging things. But I haven't been posting nearly as much activism as I used to since my sons' deaths, so you probably won't see much from me. I'm so sorry.
For my facebook friends, you'll still see all of my typical posts. But I may narrow my friends list if I feel anyone isn't honoring healthy boundaries. If only everyone would just be courteous and willing to live at peace.
The article in question is here. Kiessling has not asked anyone to write to the New Yorker demanding apologies for putting victims in danger, but if you read that publication regularly and/or are subscribed, please consider demanding justice from the editors for allowing this journalist to act so unethically.
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[piofiore no banshou] vol. 6: dante - track four
4; epilogo del 1927. -dante falzone-
masterpost
✿
[00:06] God…
What a day that was.
They kept handing us booze, even when I said we’d had enough.
I know it’s New Year’s Eve but they all went a little too far.
Nicola thought it was funny so he didn’t even try to stop them.
They’re all ridiculous.
Even I opened at least one bottle.
Well… Giulia and the others ARE heavy drinkers, despite their age.
I guess it’s very Falzone-like to spend the last day of the year so boisterously.
This is the third time you’ve welcomed the new year in this mansion.
It feels like it was no time at all.
Come here.
You drank quite a lot too, didn’t you?
Your face is a bit red.
I don’t mind you getting drunk but I don’t really want other people to see you like that.
I know I’m being selfish but…
I want to keep your cutest expressions to myself.
I’m glad we got out after drinking a reasonable amount.
Everyone left in the salon probably intends to drink until the morning.
I intended to finish early but…
We don’t even have 30 minutes left until the end of the day.
Spending the end of the year with a lively group isn’t bad.
But I want to spend precious moments like this alone with you.
Ah, Carlo.
You were in my room?
I guess we weren’t alone, then.
I feel like Carlo’s been spending much more time in this room.
He must know that if he comes here his owner - you - will be here.
Yes, here, here. Good boy.
Carlo’s gotten big too, hasn’t he?
He was so tiny at first.
What do you think Leo said when he first brought him here?
“Doesn’t he look like you, capo?”
I remember lecturing him even now.
That really takes me back.
When I first brought you here, I tried not to interact with you at all.
You never know how things will end up.
Since meeting you, I think I’ve learnt something important. Not just as a capo, but as a human.
Before, I believed the right thing to do was to protect the current order.
But now I know that’s not enough.
I think I’ve grown as a man and as the Family boss.
If I hadn’t, I probably would have died without achieving any of my goals.
The numerous trials we’ve undergone over last year and the year before prove that point.
Well, I suppose this year was almost peaceful in comparison.
Things haven’t changed all that much, but…
At least nothing happened to put you in too much danger.
We even had time for the two of us.
Oh, I mean the three of us.
Do you think Carlo thinks I’m going to take you away from him?
I feel like he sees me as an enemy, recently.
I don’t want to fight with him.
But I won’t let you go either.
I guess we’ll have to fight when the time comes.
Yes, I’d prefer to come to a peaceful agreement.
I love you too, after all.
Good boy.
[04:45] It’s true that we’ve been spending more time in the mansion recently.
But the first half of the year was still a rush of confusion.
I suppose that makes sense.
Getting married is a once in a lifetime event.
The world around us changed.
Now you’re a Falzone in name and situation.
You had to make your debut and attend a flurry of social events.
I’m sorry for putting you through so much.
To be honest, though, you attending them has been a big help.
People get scared of me if I go alone.
Apparently I’m hard to approach.
And, when you’re there, the mood is much more calm.
Paris tells me that every time I see him.
“You’ve found a really good woman,” He says.
I’ve heard it so many times I’m almost sick of it.
He was running around like a child during the wedding.
He must have really been looking forward to it.
Well, I’ve known him since my father was alive.
I’m sure he was very conflicted about the whole thing.
I probably made him worry a lot without even realising it.
Ah, on the subject of my father…
Dominic is going to be a father next year!
We need to send him a present.
They’ve been trying for a long time.
The child hasn’t even been born yet and he’s already overly doting…
He said he definitely won’t let her anywhere near politicians or the mafia.
He doesn’t even know if he’s actually having a daughter yet.
Maybe fathers are just like that.
Jeremy said he can already tell his child is going to hate him for being so clingy.
Jeremy’s extremely straight laced but he’s a surprisingly good father.
Leo’s seen him buying sweets for his family quite often.
That’s right!
Leo’s determined to study English because of you.
I don’t know how serious he is, but…
If he does end up leaving the family one day, being able to speak English will be of great use to him.
Apparently there’s a girl he’s interested in.
I hope it goes well for him.
Giulia wants to go on holiday next year so she asked me for some time off.
She hasn’t taken a proper break in years.
I want her to be able to rest well too.
You’ve met her husband a few times, haven’t you?
Baltro is the Francesca family’s butler.
I want to talk about it with Nicola too, I think.
They were waiting for us to become adults before they got married so they didn’t marry until late.
I want to do anything I can for them.
When the winter break is over, I think Nicola will go back to America.
I don’t think we’ll move there any time soon but, depending on the situation, we might set up a main base there instead.
Nicola himself said life in America doesn’t suit him.
But it looks like he’s having fun to me.
He gets on well with people.
He’s already building real relationships and he even went to meet Gilbert recently.
It sounds like Gilbert is struggling.
There’s a lot he needs to relearn.
But he’s got business acumen and he has a great partner.
I’m sure he’ll figure it out without our help.
I can’t believe he’s a businessman.
It doesn’t really suit him.
Yes. Nothing suits him like the mafia.
Even if the time period doesn’t allow it –
Even if his title changes –
I think he still has pride in himself.
Maybe we should send him something sometime.
I hope it doesn’t get taken by customs like last year.
Even I get sarcastic sometimes.
That really was a stressful time.
But it’s all in the past.
I was thinking about sending him some wine.
What do you think?
Now you mention it, that red wine he ordered last time we dined together was really sweet and easy to drink.
It was lightly sparkling, wasn’t it?
You pay a lot of attention to him, don’t you?
I’m a bit jealous.
I want you to know more about me.
[09:44] For example, what do you know about me?
Yes, I prefer white wine to red.
That’s right…
I don’t hate small animals, or cats…
H-how did you know that?
I did have a bad experience with a sea bird once…
No, that’s enough. I understand.
You really know a lot about me.
But I think I know a lot about you too.
Carlo, you want to go out?
Cats do everything at their own pace.
Sorry for the interruption.
Now we really are alone.
I can finally hug you.
Ah, I ruined my hair.
Do you want to fix it for me?
I want to touch you too.
Did that tickle?
You’re so cute.
Oi, now, stop.
Goodness!
We’re so childish.
It’s not bad.
It’s only a problem because it’s so fun.
I feel much more childlike when I’m with you.
But I want to do things a child could never do.
Earlier…?
Ah, about how well I know you.
Let me think…
You find it surprisingly hard to stay still.
You can’t relax when you’re sitting still so you always try to find ways to help out.
And I know you’re brave but you’re also quite stubborn.
And you’re kind to people as easily as breathing.
I think it’s amazing how you will do anything for people.
The more I say the more things I think of.
I learn new things about you every day.
Even though we’ve lived together for two years.
And I want to know you more and more.
I’m sure there's still lots of things I don’t know.
I could dedicate my whole life to learning about you and it still wouldn’t be enough.
I want to learn every expression of yours and fall in love with all of them.
I want to get old and wrinkled.
And even then, I’ll wake up every morning and look at you and think about how adorable my wife is.
And then I’ll fall in love with you all over again.
I want to fall in love with every change we go through.
It looks like the day changed without us noticing.
You must be growing tired.
I promise to treasure you every single day of 1928, just as I have up until now.
I look forward to spending the new year with you.
Goodnight.
See you tomorrow.
✿
Dante Falzone.
Ishikawa Kaito.
#Piofiore no Banshou#piofiore#Dante Falzone#drama cd#Drama CD translation#kaito ishikawa#Ishikawa Kaito
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Author’s Notes below the cut
TW: Terrorism, bigotry (LGBTQ specific), societal violence, death, and grief.
Also a little rambly as often my worldbuilding notes are...
Since I didn’t make room to have a full fake article about this event I thought I’d expand on it a bit here. I’ve mentioned the Bombing At the Decks event a few times in passing but this is a very important moment in the history of the isles because of the sheer scale of how many people were killed in the incident.
The Decks is the name of the former building that housed the Viridi Parliament. There are three representatives from each Comiterra. Viridis has 15 of these administrative districts and since there was a mandatory session on that day at MINIMUM the building contained these 45 people and their necessary staff. However as this vote was incredibly important - they were doing a massive overhaul of the inheritance laws to allow adopted and “unclaimed” (bastards) children from families to be legally recognized by their families as heirs - there were a lot of media, spectators, and dignitaries (like Princess Sancha of Apricus) in attendance to voice their support for these changes. Honestly Viridis is kind of the last island to do anything progressive most of the time so there was a lot of positive energy around the event.
That being said, this ruling was particularly relevant to the Viridi royal family at the time because their proclaimed heir, Thea was/is gay and the despite the fact that she gave birth to her daughter, the state didn’t recognize her as an heir because her birth was not “natural.”
Anyway, the vote went off fine because the organization that orchestrated the attack did want this to happen. We’ll talk more about their goals when we meet their members down the road but the short is they timed the attack so the bombs went off just after the changes were confirmed because they benefited directly. The thought was that since it was clear they were supportive of the changes they wouldn’t be the focus of the follow up investigations but we’ll just say they misjudged some elements of their plan and were caught.
In the meantime though the resulting bloodbath is considered one of the darkest times in Viridi history. The few Comi that survived the attack were pegged as accomplices and hunted down and ceremonially drowned in the ocean by angry members of families that lost their loved ones. The royal family itself was impacted quite dramatically since whole branches of the family were present to support their heir and her child. Only five major members of the core royal house survived:
Prince Bastian, who was very unwell at the time and bed ridden. News of the event crushed him and he didn’t recover from his illness dying just a few days after the event. To be fair, he was VERY, VERY old. He’d been on the throne for like 70 years.
Doma Thea, who upon hearing that the ruling would not go into effect until the generation after her daughter, was furious and boycotted the vote with her wife. Unfortunately her daughter, who wanted it to go through for her own personal reasons, did attend and died in the event. Her guilt and rage over this led to her eventual abdication in favor of her niece Estra. She blamed the noble class as a whole for not being more accepting and “Would not be able to effectively guide people who do not respect me or my family.”
High Sister Neva, Estra’s older sister (seen singing the mourning song in this shot). She had taken Temple a couple years before and was serving as a Singing Sister at the Sky Spire on the border of Fideli and Apricus at the time.
Doma Estara, (aka Estra, the current Princess) she had wanted to attend but her father talked her out of it saying that she should be with her children that night since she had only really recently given birth to Zarina and had a difficult relationship already with her oldest child Poppy.
Dom Julian, Estra and Neva’s younger brother. He was attending uni abroad, which is pretty common for the family, and was discouraged from coming home for the vote cause “we have enough support, you focus on your studies.”
A handful of children from Bastian’s “unclaimed lines” also survived but they are not in the pool of succession and do not get a lot of attention from the press.
So anyway to wrap up this whole thing, processions and parades are a BIG cultural thing in the isles. So every year for the last 15 years or so (once things calmed down after the attack), Princess Estra has led a memorial walk from the New House (the royal palace in the capitol) to the former location of The Decks. Once they arrive she lights a big bonfire and they have a special communal mourning song together led by a high ranking member of the priesthood.
#ts4#the sims 4#ts4 royal simblr#ts4RoyalMedani#RoyalMedaniS2#RMedaniMediaPosts#SIPerioculos#HighSisterNeva#EstraNovari#EsaiMedani#SIWorldbuilding#ramble ramble ramble#ViridiRoyalFamily#SIW:Viridis
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𝕘𝕚𝕣𝕝𝕤 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕞𝕖 𝕕𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕔𝕣𝕪 - 𝕒 𝕞𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕝 𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕤𝕡𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖
|| Breadwinner - Kasey Musgrave || 28 reasons - Selugi || Fearless - Le Sserafim || girls like me don’t cry - Thuy || As it was - Harry Styles || Cry for Me - Twice || Motive - Ariana Grande & Doja Cat ||
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(—) ★ spotted!! SEO SI-EUN on the cover of this week’s most recent tabloid! many say that the 30 year old looks like IM JINAH, but i don’t really see it. while the ACTRESS is known for being INDUSTRIOUS my inside sources say that they have a tendency to be MELODRAMATIC i swear, every time i think of them, i hear the song 28 Reasons - Selugi
𝔽𝕦𝕝𝕝 𝔹𝕚𝕠𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕡𝕙𝕪:
Seo Si-eun lived in Gangnam her entire life looking over the rolling waves of the Han River.. Born to two gluttonous politicians, she had learned from an early age just how important it was to be a proper lady and a snake in the weeds. She spent the majority of her time in some stuffy elitist boarding school, riding horses, tending to Na-ri and forgetting what her parents' face actually looked like; the ultimate cross to bear when you’re the oldest daughter. Despite the expense of her personal autonomy, she loved every second of it. With every accolade, she was showered with luxury gifts which had been the currency of love in her home.
Between all of the refinement and instruction, Si-eun comforted some of that loneliness that she felt with movies. There was something calming about the lovable protagonist, sultry antagonist, and all of the adoring onlookers in between. It was in those moments hidden beneath blankets watching fuzzy old tapes that her true passion crystalized before her.
On the eve of her nineteenth birthday, her very last year of secondary school, she skipped her English course to attend an open audition for the drama Dream High. She landed the role of Kim Pil-sook. From that moment on, her life changed drastically. Si-eun had become a household name and a main staple in Korea.
Si-eun met her husband on set of one of her dramas and it was love at first sight. The two were fast in love and married quickly after meeting; a side effect of her love starved childhood. After five years and one compromising picture, Si-eun flew off the handle in a melodramatic rage and filed for divorce.
Since filing, she had effectively used her sister’s decision to come to the United States as a reason to make a splash in the international media and a way to get away from her husband.
ℂ𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤:
The One That Won’t Go Away- Her ex-husband who is innocent of all insane allegations and really just wants to reunite with his wife.
Ride or Die - Her second family filled with friends and allies who can handle her emotional outbursts
Golden Hour - A possible fling/friends with benefits situation where emotional attachment is unavoidable.
Blood is Thicker Than Water - Seo Na-ri <3
Co-workers, scene partners, etc.
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[cw self loathing, self-abuse, mention of suicidal ideation (nothing too descriptive), dissociation, mention of car accident — this does have a happy ending though, and all these warnings can be avoided by skipping the first three paragraphs. though a few are mentioned again in the last few paragraphs as well]
there's a part of myself that i resent. for years i've considered it like a controlling abusive monster in my head, one that i created. it's more or less an artificial intelligence that i put in control of my mind and body when i decided that i didn't want to live anymore. i didn't think suicide was a real option because i didn't want to hurt or disappoint my family and friends. so i just "quit" life. i, quite metaphorically, "logged out" of my own brain and put Something Else in charge.
the point of this thing that i created was that no one could even tell it wasn't me anymore. to prove to myself that if i behaved satisfactorily, no one would miss me. i would become someone else, replaced entirely. i named this thing [birthname], because that was its job— to be what i never could, to be the perfect actor and mask, to pretend to be what everyone wished they had in my place.
i lived like this for a little over a decade, experiencing increasing amounts of derealization and depersonalization until I was eventually driven to seek therapy after getting into a car accident and nearly severely injuring my best friend.
i've been in therapy for nearly two years now (with a several month break admittedly, due to factors outside of my control). in the first few months, i started feeling safer to be myself.
it all culminated when i asked my therapist to give me a reason why i should let my feelings do as they please when my mind knows so much better than them. she replied "well, why not?" in such a way that i remembered all at once that feelings are so important to leading a life worth living—in essence...i felt as if i had been asked why i shouldn't live, and i had no answer. i had, somewhere along the way, lost my reasons to abandon my life, and with that discovery, i flourished.
i discovered that i had a gender after all. i started using my preferred pronouns. i even found a name that suits me perfectly. the creature i named [birthname] slowly receded to the back of my mind, and i started learning how to be myself again for the first time in over 10 years. over the following year until present, i discovered i'm actually multigender+ xenogender, and i felt romantic attraction for the first time (though, i don't really intend to ever act on it). i also moved in with my queerplatonic partner who i love dearly.
recently, though, along with a major life change, [birthname] came back. something about adult expectations of me seems to be triggering in that regard. i was very scared at first because i didn't want to lose everything i'd found about myself, but i was surprised to discover that i was still here. i spoke with my partner and mother about it, and today i spoke with my therapist about it.
i guess i'm writing this mostly because i've spent a huge portion of my life hating the mask i've called [birthname]. and when i told my therapist about deciding to create [birthname] as more or less a persona to take over for me at one of my lowest points, she expressed joy and relief. i was so confused, because i felt like this was the source of so many problems. letting go of that mask was one of the best things that happened to me so i felt frustrated that i even created that persona in the first place.
but she said to me, "you survived." and it all clicked together. i wasn't ready to exist back then. and i still saved my own life. i created [birthname] when i was in a difficult place, in order to get through a time hard enough that the other option i was considering was death. the thing i chose wasn't "years of dissociation and misery."
what i chose was life.
and now that i have survived, i think, i can finally let [birthname] go. i want to put that old crutch of a personality, and that name, to rest.
i think, after all these years, i'm finally ready to call it my deadname. not dead as in disrespectful. but dead as in gone, passed away. served its purpose and released into the night sky. i like to think that like any other dead thing, my deadname served its purpose in life, and i want to give it respect even in death.
so, thank you, [deadname], for all you've done. and i hope we can both be free and at peace from here on out.
#self loathing#self abuse#self harm#suicide#suicide mention#suicidal ideation#mental health#derealization#depersonalization#disassociation#trans#transgender#nonbinary#non binary#non-binary#nb#enby#therapy#queer platonic partner#queer platonic relationship#qpp#qpr#squish#friends#friendship
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Hello!
Trigger warnings for hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, stuff like that.
So, I experience frequent hallucinations, mainly gustatory (taste) and visual, with the occasional auditory ones. I experience delusions (if I've understood the definition correctly, but that may be my anxiety) - mostly ones that people can read my thoughts, everyone wants to betray me, there's a camera in my head people are tracking me through, and, more recently, my family is trying to trap me and hurt me. That last one can sometimes be to the point where I have trouble realizing it isn't real and someone else needs to either guide me enough until it's over, or at least snap me out of a more intense moment where I'm physically doing something (yet to happen around said family). I also hear voices, particularly one that tells me everyone is out to get me and is overall very paranoid.
I have yet to bring any of this up with my therapist, particularly due to my physical reactions around the last delusion, and the fear that she may put me in a psych ward ("a danger to yourself or others" is extremely unclear when other people seem to make leaps to cliffs you could never even see based on a tiny thing you said), and my psychiatrist doesn't seem interested in telling me what's exactly going on, just in treating it (even though for me, having a name to it is much more helpful, mentally, than treatment - my brain is weird alright).
I was going to look into possible disorders, but I feel like I'm jumping too quickly, and maybe it's just something that's not connected to a disorder, you know? And even if it is, I don't have the first clue what to look at besides schizophrenia. So...I guess I'm asking for a little bit of support, validation, and a sprinkle of help if you can offer it? Sorry for the rambling ask with no clear goal, I'm tired and just thought I'd take the shot in the dark. Thank you for anything you can give, and I am so sorry if this is insensitive, rude, or confusing in any way.
Hi anon,
Please don't apologize! You do seem to have a clear goal, and this was not insensitive, rude, or confusing whatsoever!
So it sounds like you're experiencing a lot of hallucinations, paranoia, and even some level of delusions. It's causing you a lot of distress for a multitude of reasons, and you want to bring it up with your therapist but you're worried that your therapist will send you to a psych ward.
I think it's worth exploring the fact that you said your psychiatrist "doesn't seem interested in telling me what's exactly going on, just in treating it." I think it's important for your psychiatrist to be pretty much completely transparent with you regarding what they believe you may be dealing with or their thoughts for how to manage it. It sounds like your psychiatrist doesn't make you feel listened to or cared about - only on a surface level. That's not necessarily uncommon with psychiatrists, to mainly keep sessions to any medication changes etc. - but they should at least be transparent with you.
It's not apparent to me that you are a danger to yourself or others, so I don't believe you would be put in a psych ward even if you did disclose what you're experiencing (correct me if I'm wrong). That being said, I do understand how scary the idea of psych wards and being put in one can be, but consider that psych wards are ultimately there to ensure your sanity and safety. Also remember that if you are admitted, it won't be forever - my psychiatrist said that the stays are typically only for a few weeks. My sister was once put in a psych ward and she said it turned out to be actually quite fun, because she met a ton of friends who she bonded with over similar experiences and they'd often crack jokes about the whole thing. I think the fearmongering and antagonization around psych wards are unfortunately common, and while they have some merit (not all psych wards are perfect, some of them are bad) I don't believe that those anecdotes or attitudes should scare you out of getting the help you may need.
I think it would only benefit you to talk to your therapist about what's been going on lately. Please remember that part of a therapist's job is to be impartial, empathetic, honest, and nonjudgmental. I think being able to talk to your therapist about this will not only help you jump over the hurdle of confessing something rather vulnerable, but your therapist will only better help you find ways to cope with this, as well as getting a clearer understanding of your world.
We are not professionals so it's not really my place to tell you what disorder you might have, and so I do recommend that you perhaps ask your therapist about what they think it might be.
Please know that you're not alone, not only in your experiences but in your fears surrounding being honest with your psychiatrist or therapist. It's a big step to make so just be patient with yourself. You are valid. Please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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1,4,11,23,25,38,43 :>
1. Your first OC ever?
Strictly speaking, a blue and purple (and I mean CRAYOLA blue and purple) German Shepherd furry named Karma, that I made when I was 10 or something.
I really don't remember my first fandom OC. I'm not sure when I got "into" fandom. My most complete memory was Harry Potter, but that wasn't the first time I’d been obsessed with a media. Maybe the first time I was seeing and creating content within the context of fandom (as opposed to me @ 11 spamming a Redwall RP board with character submissions because I didn’t know what RP was, I just liked to make little guys).
I sure did make the Mary Sue-est of Sues to ship with Sirius. I don't remember her name at all but I do remember that she was genuine royalty but didn't know it until late in her "story," so she had like 6 names, because that's what I thought being regal was like. I think one of her middle names was "Tundra Aurora" I'm not shitting you. She was also an incomplete shapeshifter due to a tragic accident in her youth where she was struck with an errant spell (the one that uhhhh turns you into an animal. I'm NOT doing HP research in this day and age) and that somehow meant she could turn into any creature at will. Because of reasons. I really went off the shits.
4. A character you rarely talk about?
I almost never talk about Neira, Ayo's mom. She's traditionalist, for a Phindian, which means she tends to see people more as extensions of their value to other people and communities rather than individuals. That's what she thinks is most important. She's results-oriented and practical, a skilled negotiator. By the time she had Ayo (who was a surprise late pregnancy), she already had 6 kids and was tired of parenting. Not to say she didn’t put in the effort...but she was tired. Neira made a strong effort to lead Ayo in the right direction, but she let him be passed around with the families of her older children and cousins quite often, rather than keeping him strictly in her home.
She's strong-willed and emotionally withdrawn. She carries the trauma most adults her age do from the Syndicat's rule. Ayo never comes to see eye to eye with her, especially concerning his career as a pilot, which she sees as a selfish and frivolous pursuit. Neira openly regrets not sending him to a boarding school for part of his education, and sees his inability to serve his community and family as her own failing, as much as his.
I answered 11 in a previous ask. This post is going to get long, so
23. Introduce an OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?
I think Ayo has changed the most in his iterations. He used to be kind of bland. Still a pilot, still ran away from home to pursue being a pilot, but without any of the trauma or sensation-seeking coping mechanisms. Without any of the nuance or depth. He was just Astrid’s rock, originally. The responsible one in their relationship. It’s funny that the roles have fully reversed. He loved her deeply and put up with her emotional instability and flighty, violent behavior. I was very lonely and hardcore projecting when I created him; it showed.
I think he’s better now. He has purpose as a character outside of some vague sense of eternal love. He has an internal compass and goals that direct his behavior, reasoning that comes from within, not only because of his relationships. All of that has changed about him, and fairly recently (the last couple of years).
25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)
Uuuhhh in fandom I take pains to NOT make characters too like me because I’m boring and I’ve got Mary Sue trauma. But. It would be Ponnik, now that I think about it.
He’s a little overweight, totally average height, totally average everything. Smart, sure, but not a genius like Moralo or Osi. He’s really into hologaming, but usually keeps it casual because he’s got a family and a wife to support. He’s the emotional rock, the stable one, the constant. A homebody. A little boring to people who like to go out a lot, honestly. Has a similar sense of humor to me (maybe less meme-y than I am). He’s also got a fluid sort of he/they thing going on that’s pretty similar the blasé way I treat my own gender. Dad culture’s just got a certain appeal.
38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer?
You want technical perfection and physical power, that would be Astrid. But there’s no soul in her dancing, the way there’s no soul in any art she creates. If you want passion, that’s Ayo. But he can only dance at the club. Would be hopeless at something more structured like ballroom dancing.
43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess
Jesus Christ my standard OFC is the same character every single time I hop fandoms for any reason. I like stone-faced, icy girls with long hair, emotional constipation, and high cheekbones. They’re usually thematically tied to wolves or dogs, even if it’s a universe where I can’t blatantly make a furry (I’ll usually make a furry).
Outside my One True Girl, most of my characters are bi, in part because I gotta rep, and because it’s just easy to write a lived experience. They tend to have complex relationships with their families. Hard to find a character of mine that had a perfectly decent childhood (there are some). They tend to have some manner of mental illness or neurodivergency, even if it’s well-treated and doesn’t negatively impact their lives.
I tend to roll up traits I find funny or interesting like katamari around the concept of a character until it feels fully fleshed out.
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