#very few things make me want to do that but I guess 18 years worth of stuff and memories i have very mixed feelings about will do that to me
Text
the film (eddie munson x fem!reader)
summary: after finding a very interesting movie in eddie's trailer, you can't help but point out a very important detail...you and the girl on the tv look exactly alike.
pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader
word count: 4,678
requested?: yes
warnings/what to expect: SMUT (18+ MDNI), bestfriend!eddie, descriptions of a porn video, reader has glasses, teasing, kissing, dry humping, dirty talk, glasses kink i guess, oral (m receiving), cum swallowing, facial (yk), vaginal fingering, p in v sex, protected sex (yay!), praise, daddy kink, also gif's not mine
a reblog and/or comment on my posts really help me out as a content creator so thank you in advance if you take the time to do either!
main masterlist | stranger things masterlist
Like any other Friday night you found yourself laying in Eddie's bed, listening to him compose new music for his band. The scene has to be the best way to end the week. Watching Eddie play his guitar, half of his hair up in a bun while half fell loosely to his shoulders, the short sleeved t-shirt he was wearing did little to no attempt to cover his arms...
God, you love Fridays.
But your show was interrupted when Eddie stopped playing, unplugging his guitar before hanging it on the wall where it usually is before joining you on the bed. Both of you were with your backs against the mattress, looking up at the ceiling of Eddie's room.
"You're staying the night?" he asks.
It wasn't unusual for you to spend the night at Eddie's house. The two of you have been best friends since you were little, so sleepovers were a recurrent thing. Your parents love Eddie, Uncle Wayne loves you. You're always welcomed to stay, just like Eddie is always welcomed to stay at your house.
And unlike what most people would think, nothing has ever happened between you and Eddie. Not once in all your years of friendship.
Not like you haven't thought of something happening. Because you have. Far too many times.
You can't deny that even though you enjoy spending time with him, it's gets harder and harder to pretend like sleeping next to him isn't driving you insane. Because you can't do anything but lay there. You can't move closer, you can't touch him. You can't tangle your fingers in his hair and whimper next to his ear while he's fingering you underneath the covers, trying your best to stay quiet because your parents are sleeping in the room at the end of the hallway. All of that lives hidden inside your mind.
"Maybe," was your reply, still not entirely sure if his company is worth spending yet another night craving him. "Why?"
"I need to make a quick delivery down the block. I wanted to know if I needed to take my van or not, in case I needed to give you a ride home."
"Wasn't planning on leaving yet."
"Good," was his reply, that hint of a flirtatious tone in his voice, but the glimpse of it wasn't strong enough to let yourself believe he's actually flirting. Eddie stood up to walk over to his desk, the familiar lunchbox placed there. He took out a few bags before putting on his usual leather jacket and putting the bags inside the pockets. "Wanna go with me?"
"I'd rather stay here."
"Fine. Try not to burn my house down."
With that said, Eddie walked out of his bedroom. Shortly after, you heard the front door of the trailer opening and closing, meaning you're completely alone now.
You rolled to your side on his bed, getting into a much comfortable position. The small TV in one corner of his room catches your attention, and you figure you could watch something until he gets back. The remote control was on top of his nightstand, but shortly after trying to turn the TV on a couple of times you realized it wasn't working.
Sighing, you stood up from the bed and began pushing the little button that should turn the artifact on, but nothing was happening. The solution to your current problem appeared before you when you kneeled down to check the cable, realizing it was disconnected.
As soon as you plug the TV, you hear a series of loud moans coming from it. You jumped slightly at the sudden sound, your cheeks starting to burn a little when you realize what is going on.
Eddie forgot he had a porn film playing. Maybe he had to unplug the damn thing in order to avoid getting caught watching that. Was it Uncle Wayne the one that almost discovered him or was it you?
But before your mind could drift entirely that way, you focus on another much important manner that requires your immediate attention the moment your eyes land on the screen and witness what is going on. There, you see a woman kneeling in front of the guy that's filming her, a close-up to her face as she begins sucking the guy's dick...she looks exactly like you.
You were kinda shocked to see just how similar this person is to you. Same hair color, same eye color, same nose...even the same pair of glasses you wear. Could this be...? No way. Is...Eddie watching a porn film with an actress that looks just like you?
Fuck.
You were unsure if you wanted to watch the rest or not. Has he watched it more than once or was this the first time he's seen it? It was already halfway in so most definitely he has seen enough. Doesn't he realize how similar you and the actress are? Or did he get this film because you and the actress are very similar?
After hearing the woman moaning around the guy's dick for another few seconds, you finally decided to pause the video and turn off the TV as if nothing happened, going back to the bed and deciding to stay there. Maybe it's better if you don't touch anything else.
When Eddie got back, you were staring at the ceiling while laying on your back. He smiled your way, taking his jacket off and putting the money he got for the drugs in a safe place.
"You've been there the whole time doing nothing?" he asks jokingly, his back facing you while he counts a few dollars before closing the little box where he kept his money.
"Mostly," was your reply, failing to hold back the smirk forming on your lips.
"What does that mean?" he insisted, finally turning to look at you. The look on his face let you know he has absolutely no idea where this is going.
You were quiet for a few seconds before turning to point at the TV. "I tried watching cartoons..."
When your attention was back on Eddie, he looked absolutely mortified. His cheeks were red and he looked panicked, opening his mouth to say something but closing it when he realized he couldn't find something to say.
"Those weren't cartoons..." you teased him even further.
"You– I...How much did you watch?" he asked, walking towards the TV and staring at it, knowing there's nothing he can do now to prevent you from watching that movie.
"Not much," you replied, shrugging despite him once again not looking at you. "But it was interesting..."
"What? Why?" he blurts out nervously, turning to face you. "What's interesting?"
You can tell Eddie is mortified. His cheeks are still burning red and he's frantically moving his arms around when he speaks. He only gestures this much when he's nervous.
"Actually, I don't think I want to know," he added right after.
"It's a good thing...I think."
He somehow looks even more frustrated. You didn’t think that was possible. "You think?"
"Depends on what your answer is."
That comment certainly made Eddie more interested, stopping to protest about how uncomfortable he was to really think about what could happen next. If you say it depends on his answer...
"What is it?" he eventually asks.
Him being cooperative made you smile, sitting up on the bed, legs crossed and hands resting against the mattress at each side of you. "If I tell you the question, you must answer. And no lies!"
"Sure, okay," he dismisses it, curious to know what you had in mind.
You doubted yourself for a second before finally asking the one question that kept playing over and over in your head since you saw that movie. "The woman in that film...does she happen to look like me or was that the idea?"
Eddie scoffed, immediately shaking his head. "Nope! Nope! Not answering that!"
"You said–!"
"I didn't know that was the question!"
"Well...your reaction kind of answers it perfectly, anyway," you commented.
He looks ever more defeated, too self-aware to try to come on top in this situation, knowing he couldn't save himself. He was watching a porn film with an actress that looks exactly like you and you noticed. You know he jerks off watching someone that resembles you getting fucked over and over again, wishing that was actually you being completely wrecked by him.
There's no way he's winning this one.
"Why are you doing this?" he gave up, taking a seat at the very edge of his bed. "It's enough knowing you watched the damn thing, I don't need you teasing me about it."
"I'm not teasing you, Eds," was your reply, crawling to where he was. "Well, I was. But not in a bad way..."
Eddie leans back just slightly when he notices the way you crawl on top of him, sitting on his lap with one leg at each side of his body. A hand rests at the back of his neck, the other carefully traces up and down his sleeveless t-shirt.
His hands instinctively rest at each of your thighs as he watches you. The gesture makes you smile, leaning closer to him. His breath catches in his throat when he feels you moving on top of him, knowing you did that on purpose. The feeling of your pants rubbing against his black jeans wasn't nearly enough to help you ease the growing ache in between your thighs, but at least it was something.
"If it makes you feel any better, I'm actually flattered."
"You...you are?" he asks in disbelief.
You nod, the smile never fading as you move slightly closer, your face too close to his. He immediately wraps an arm around your lower back hoping that would make you stay right there, your noses practically touching at that point.
"Yeah. I mean, why wouldn't I like knowing you touch yourself thinking about me?" you asked innocently. "Because that's what you do, right?"
"Yeah...All the time," he was barely able to say, too focused on the fact that you were straddling him, your hips once again moving just enough to tease him. And you made sure to look at him as if you had no idea what your movements on top of him were doing to his body and mind. Like this wasn't driving him insane.
"Say it for me, please."
Eddie practically moans at your request. "I jerk off thinking about you."
"Yeah? And you think about all the stuff you could be doing to me if I was there with you?"
He nods after your question, silently begging for you to lean down and kiss him at this point. Or for you to start moving your hips faster. Or both. Both would be great, but either would be enough for now.
"Would you like to show me, Eddie?" you ask again, eager for this to escalate already.
"Can I show you?" he practically repeats, unable to still fully comprehend how did he managed to be in this situation with you on top of him, asking if he can fuck you like the many times he had fantasized about it. It's too good to be true.
"I'd love that," you reply, as if the fact that you started rocking your hips faster wasn't enough of an answer.
Just right after you said those words, you lean down and finally crash your lips against his. The second you're kissing him, Eddie loses all self control he had left, immediately starting to kiss you back as his hands gently grab your ass, forcing you to speed up your movements on top of him.
The kiss deepens, your tongue meeting his as the two of you continue to make out. You could feel his pants becoming tighter underneath you, letting you know how much Eddie was enjoying this.
You eventually move back from the kiss and, much to Eddie's discomfort, you get back on your feet and take a few steps back from the bed. Just before Eddie could protest about you being so far away from him, he stays quiet when he notices your hands grabbing the end of your shirt, pulling it over your shoulders and off your body.
It made you feel exposed, but you can't deny how much you enjoy having his attention. To know his eyes are scanning your body and the more he does the more turned on he gets. To watch him having to fix the fit of his jeans because it was almost impossible to keep them on with the boner he currently has. And you're the one to blame for that.
He watches as you reach to your back, getting rid of your bra too. The item of clothing fell to the floor at your feet but Eddie couldn't care any less about that, as he was way too focused on your now exposed chest.
Eddie was standing in front of you in no time, taking his shirt off and throwing it somewhere before capturing your lips again in a heated kiss while his hands cupped your tits. They were cold, making you hiss against the touch, but somehow it made it that much enjoyable.
Moans would leave your mouth anytime Eddie would pinch one of your nipples, gently twisting them with his fingers before massaging your tits however he wanted. Your sounds were muffled almost entirely against Eddie's lips.
You only broke the kiss so you could look at him, not wanting to miss his reaction the moment you got on your knees in front of him, your fingers tracing down his body until meeting his belt. Eddie's eyes got darker in anticipation, his mouth slightly agape as his breaths became heavier, watching you unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants before sliding them down his legs.
His underwear was still in the way, his erection more evident than ever now. He breathes out slowly the second he feels your hand palming him. The reaction makes you smirk, slowly tracing your fingers up to his hips, grabbing his underwear in an even slower gesture just to tease him a little bit more. You can tell Eddie is frustrated, his hips involuntarily rocking closer to you and his body tensing just enough.
But you finally decide to show him mercy, sliding his underwear down to expose his already fully-erect cock. You bit your lip at the image in front of you, once again looking up at Eddie with a smirk. The way you just looked at him nearly drove him insane, grabbing a fistful of your hair to guide you closer to him.
You gladly take him inside your mouth, all at once first before focusing exclusively on his tip, only to fill your mouth with every inch of him that could fit one more time, repeating the process. And you didn't care about being too messy or too loud, which encouraged Eddie to rock his hips faster. That, and the fact that you kept looking up at him through your glasses with a doe-eyed look while continuing to take him inside your mouth.
"Fuck, baby..." he grunts, gripping your hair tighter. "Your mouth feels so good...look so pretty like that with my dick down your throat."
You moan around him, loving to be praised like that for what you were doing. One of your hands travels under your sweatpants and panties, your fingers starting to rub hurried circles on your clit.
Eddie noticed the gesture. "Touching yourself while you suck me off, hmm? Can't wait to play with that pretty pussy of yours."
He continued to thrust in and out of your mouth, you meeting his movements halfway by bobbing your head. At the speed you two were going, the scene got messier and much louder, his dick coated with your saliva.
You knew Eddie was getting closer and closer, his moans increasing and his eyebrows furrowing closer together with each series of thrusts.
Eventually, you took him out of your mouth to start pumping him, wanting him to cum all over your face. It didn't take long for Eddie to do exactly that, his cum falling predominantly inside your mouth and over your glasses.
"You're beautiful," Eddie compliments you, the image of you still on your knees with his cum all over your face being his new favorite things in the entire world.
He watches you swallow what fell inside your mouth, using your fingers to clean around your chin before he walked over to his dresser to grab a few tissues so you could clean yourself. You take a few tissues for your face before removing your glasses, trying your best to clean them as much as possible before rubbing the glasses against the fabric of your sweatpants in an effort to clean them even further, making the stains disappear much better.
When you get on your feet and put your glasses on again, Eddie grabs your face with both of his hands and pulls you in for a heated, passionate kiss. Your tongues meet almost instantly and you moan into his mouth when his hands leave your face to grab your ass instead, squeezing the flesh there.
"I really made a mess on you, huh?" he mutters after pulling away from you, looking down to see a few ropes of cum still dripping down your chest. Just when you were about to move back to clean properly, he grabs both of your arms to stop you from walking away. "It's okay, I can clean it for you."
You lean your head back when you feel his tongue tracing its way across your body, making sure to clean everything off you. When he was done, you were quick to pull him in for yet another kiss, appreciative of him for helping.
Eddie guides you to the edge of his bed and you only move back from the kiss to lay down, gladly accepting his kiss again when he's positioned on top of you. His hands immediately start pulling your sweatpants down your legs and you allow him, lifting your hips from the mattress so he can easily get rid of them.
You're forced to move away from his lips when you feel his fingers touching you, his hand making its way inside your panties and his fingers already in contact with your clit. He rubs his fingers in slow circles, his head moving to hide his face in the crook of your neck.
"So wet for me already," he whispers. "Should we get rid of your panties?"
"Yeah," you reply, nodding eagerly. Eddie starts kissing your neck while his hands take care of removing your underwear. You feel him smile against your skin when you spread your legs wider for him, needing to feel his touch again.
Two of his fingers trace down your pussy until they reach your hole, slowly entering you as you let out a moan at the sensation. He pulls them out of you only to thrust inside of you again, this time faster, curling his fingers inside you.
He moves back from your neck so he can look at you, watching your face while he continues to finger you, smirking every time he would curl his fingers because he knows how much you enjoy the feeling just by the way you react whenever he does it. Your breathing would become heavier, your mouth would open wider, your hips would rock slightly faster.
"You like that?" he asks. "Tell me how good it feels."
"It feels so good, Eddie," you whimper, needing him to move faster already. You grab the back of his neck to pull him closer to your face again. "Faster," you whisper, your lips practically touching his. He increased the speed like you requested. "Shit, like that...keep doing that."
"Is this better for you?" he insisted, wanting to hear you express what he's making you feel as much as he possibly could.
"Yes."
"Are you gonna cum all over my fingers?"
You really tried not to lean your head back into the pillow, enjoying your face so close to his as he continues to say all these things to you. "Uh-huh."
He continued to make out with you right after that, fingering you impossibly faster now. The muffled sound of your moans encouraged him to keep that pace, knowing that meant you'll soon reach your orgasm.
You can feel him rocking his hips against one side of your body, already getting hard again with the sensation of his fingers moving in and out of you, your pussy just so wet all around him.
Eddie uses his thumb to take care of your aching clit while his fingers repeatedly curl inside you, making you grind your hips against him desperately. He moves back, admiring your face as you get closer and closer. "Want to hear your pretty sounds," was his explanation as to why he would stop kissing you.
He once again focused on your neck, his mouth sucking on the skin there. You knew that would leave a mark, but that didn't bother you in the slightest. The idea of Eddie branding you, claiming your body like that, only contributed to the knot in your stomach becoming tighter.
And he made sure to leave not just one hickey, but several. He would occasionally bite down on your neck, adoring to feel the way your grip on his bicep would tighten, nails digging on his skin and your back arching in response while your pussy clenched around his fingers. Your other hand was gripping the sheets underneath you, desperately wanting to hold onto anything because you were just too close, your body needing to brace itself for it.
You lose it when you feel his teeth biting your earlobe, letting out the loudest moan yet when you reach your orgasm. Eddie moves back again, not wanting to miss the show. The sight of you whimpering, still rocking your hips against his fingers, looking so needy and vulnerable for him. And he couldn't get enough of the look in your eyes when you stare back at him, knowing he did a great job just by the expression on your face.
Your hand reaches down to grab his wrist, silently pleading him to keep his movements as slow and gentle as possible, still sensitive from the feeling of your orgasm. He understands, his fingers carefully moving in and out of you one last time before moving his hand away.
Eddie looks at you with a grin, his fingers absolutely soaked with your juices. He didn't think twice before cleaning them off with his mouth, which has to be the hottest thing you've ever seen.
Right after, both of his arms are at each side of your head and he's leaning down to capture your lips in a very heated kiss, tongues meeting and teeth occasionally crashing as you both hungrily devour each other's mouths. You can feel him rubbing himself against your stomach, and you whimper at the feeling because you need to feel him somewhere else.
He only pulls away from you to reach for a condom from his nightstand. You sit on the bed, moving your hips further up to give him space to put the condom on before continuing what you were just about to do.
A smile appears on your face when you see he's done, chuckling when he grabs your hips and pulls you back down, your back pressed against the mattress as you return to your previous position. He was so eager for you and you can just tell by the way he's looking at you.
Eddie kisses you again, holding his weight with one arm while the other explores your body, fingers tracing down your hip to your thigh, grabbing your leg to put it over his shoulder. The position stretches you out even further, moaning in anticipation because you can feel how exposed you are for him.
One of your hands holds onto his bicep the second Eddie starts entering you. "Fuck," you let out in pure ecstasy, already wanting to have him buried deep within you.
You moan again when his skin touches yours, indicating he's fully inside you. When he pulls out, your available leg practically forces him back in by wrapping around him, which definitely took Eddie by surprise judging by the grunt that just escaped his lips.
"So needy of my cock, huh?" he teased. "It's okay, baby. I'll give you exactly what you need."
"Please, Eddie..." you moan, enjoying the fact that his thrusts increased. You were so wet, it was so easy for him to go in and out of you.
He continued to fuck you, the chain hanging from his neck tickling your own while his thrusts continued. Your leg hanging from his shoulder helps to make you feel him deeper than ever, making the experience that much better. He's reached places inside you you're pretty sure no one else has. Ever. And you wouldn't want any other person this seeded in you that isn't Eddie.
Only he can have you like this, a moaning and sweaty mess because he doesn't look like wanting to slow down his movements. He's the only one that would ever make you feel like this. No one can fuck you like he can, and you hope this isnt't the first and only time you get to have him inside you.
Your glasses were starting to fog because your face was buried in his neck while he continued to thrust in and out, forcing you to move your head to the side to avoid them making it impossible to see a thing. That gave him the perfect opportunity to begin kissing your jaw.
"I'm gonna cum," you announced, knowing that you wouldn't last when he's repeatedly hitting that sweet spot inside you, your nails digging harder on his arm.
"I'm right behind you," he replies, his lips barely breaking contact with your skin as he speaks. "Cum for me, baby. I want to feel your pussy clenching around me."
"Keep talking like that..." you were barely able to say, feeling you could come any second.
"I need to feel you squeezing my dick when you cum all over me. Make sure to say my name, too. I bet it sounds so pretty when you're screaming it for me while I keep fucking you nice and hard."
"Oh, fuck...Eddie!" you practically gasp, holding onto him as you reach your orgasm, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you completely lose yourself in it, enjoying every second of your release.
"That's it," he encourages, smiling down at you. "So fucking tight around me..."
"Please, give it to me, Eds," you're barely able to plead, still trying to ride down your recent orgasm. "I've been good for you, I need...please, I deserve it. Please."
"You've been so good," he agrees, practically hoping that would be enough hint that he also wants you to keep talking.
"I have. I've taken your cock so well, Eddie...don't you think your good girl deserves to feel you cum?"
"Fuck, you do. You deserve...you deserve it all, baby. "
You whimper underneath him, knowing he was so close already. You just needed to give him one last encouragement for him to lose it entirely. And you knew exactly what you needed to say to get him to break right there.
"Please, daddy. I need to feel you cum."
It was like a secret code only you knew the correct answer to. Or like a complicated riddle only you had the answer to. Because as soon as those words left your mouth, Eddie was rapidly reaching his own orgasm.
A few occasional profanities left his lips as he came down from it all, his hands still worshiping your body as he gave his final thrusts before finally pulling away from you.
He got rid of the used condom while you got under the covers of his bed, not minding to get dressed just yet. You could do that later. Right now you just wanted to rest in his bed.
Eddie got back and joined you underneath the covers. You were gladly surprised when he wrapped his arms around you, giving you a quick kiss on the top of your head. He didn't bother to put any clothes on either.
"So, was that better than your movie?" you asked jokingly, obviously knowing the answer.
"Much better," he replied instantly, which inevitably made you chuckle. "Don't think I'll need to watch that anymore if I can fuck you like this whenever I want."
"Yeah, you can forget all about that stupid film," you agreed, already waiting for the next time you get to have Eddie all to yourself like this again.
#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson smut#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#stranger things fic#stranger things smut#stranger things x reader#eddie munson imagine
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Hi! If you’re taking requests would you be interested in writing one where reader/MC had another boyfriend before she got together with Sebastian, then when her and Sebastian are about to have sex together for the first time she reveals she’s a virgin and he’s shocked because she was with her ex for a year and she admits she was saving herself for him knowing they’d eventually get together. He’s so sweet and careful and makes it perfect for her and puts her pleasure first the entire time. Maybe lowkey breeding kink too tied in with him knowing he’s the first and only to do so to her
Alright love, I finally got this written!
Worth The Wait
Summary: Sebastian finds out MC has been saving herself for him, and gives her a sweet, memorable first time.
Word count: 2674
Pairing: Sebastian x f!MC
Warnings: 18+, first time sex, cunnilingus, p in v sex, unprotected sex, breeding kink
Sebastian looked down at her, a stunned look on his face. They were alone in a quiet corner of the library, paying no attention to the homework and books spread out around them.
“Really? I’m shocked, honestly. I’m guessing that was your choice, not his.” Lowering his voice even more he muttered to himself “That guy is a bigger moron than I thought if it was his choice.” Flicking his eyes back to her face he smiled shyly at her, his eyes softening. “What exactly happened with you two, MC? You were together for a long time, why did it end?”
“That’s why it ended, because I wouldn’t have sex with him. I mean there were other things, but he kept bringing it up and wouldn’t accept that I wanted to wait. So I ended it. I was tired of hiding the real reason and I just couldn’t take it anymore.” Her face turned red as she realized she had said too much. Looking up at him, her eyes wide, she tried to backtrack. “I mean...I…He..fuck!”
Sebastian held her gaze, pure curiosity showing on his face. “What was the real reason, love? You know you can tell me anything.” Taking her hand in his, squeezing it, he gave her a loving smile, hoping that after six months of dating she knew he was trustworthy. “We’ve talked about having sex, what makes me so different from him. What changed?” He hoped he hadn’t just pushed it too far, he really wanted to know her answer.
She sighed heavily, standing up, walking away from the table, heading towards the bookcases. She looked over her shoulder at him, and he flushed as he stood to join her. He lost her when she turned the corner, letting out a small yelp as her hands came out of nowhere, grabbing him and pulling him behind the closest bookcase. “Oh, hey.” He gave her his best seductive smirk. “Fancy meeting you here.” Leaning in he pressed a soft kiss to her lips, relishing in the taste of her. “Why did you bring us here, love? Did you want a repeat of last week's extracurricular activities?” As she giggled, pulling his body closer he let his mind wander to last week. She had pulled him into a quiet corner of rarely browsed books, kissing him passionately. He could still feel the way her legs had wrapped around him as he picked her up, still hear his own breathy sigh as she had undone the first few buttons of her blouse, still taste the slight tang of her sweat on the soft flesh of her breasts as he peppered them with open mouthed kisses. Still feel the pain of her rejection when he breathlessly asked if she wanted to take this moment somewhere else and give in to their desires.
Looking at her now, there wasn’t a trace of the conflict he had seen in her eyes last week, instead she looked at him with steely determination. “No, I wanted to tell you why I never let my ex sleep with me.” She looked into his eyes, trying to judge his reaction. “I was saving myself for someone else. I was saving myself… for you.” She ducked her head, unable to look at him, a deep blush taking over her face. “It sounds silly but I knew the first time we met you would be so very important to me, and I would wait forever to be with you, deny myself to others so you would be my first. I didn’t think it would take us this long to get together, but you didn’t seem interested in romance during our fifth year and most of our sixth year either. I regret having dated that jerk in the first place. It feels like I wasted so much time I could have been spending with you.”
Sebastian couldn’t wrap his mind around what he’d just heard. “You…you were waiting for me? Fuck, MC, if I had known that I would have stolen him from you a long time ago. For the record, I’ve always been interested in romance with you.” He laughed softly, shaking his head. “Oh, the pair we make, love. I can’t believe we lost so much time.” Leaning in, he whispered against her lips, “Should we make up for it now? We’ve got four months of school left, I don't want to go another day without making you mine. Would you be okay with that?”
She surprised him again, taking his hand and pulling him back to their table, shoving her books and papers into her bag. He took it as a ‘yes’ and hastily collected his own possessions. He stopped her as they made their way down the stairs, heading for the library door. “Love, I need to know your answer. I need to hear you say it.” She didn't say anything, just pulled harder on his arm until they were in the privacy of the shaded Transfiguration Courtyard, where she rounded on him, crushing her lips to his before breathlessly giving him the permission he needed.
“Yes, Sebastian. Yes, I want to make up for it, and I want to start right now.” She kissed him deeply, her hands roaming his body. “Take me, Sebastian, make me yours entirely.” She pulled away, taking his hand once again, leading him to the Room of Requirements, the ultimate sign she was ready for this. They had spent a lot of time there together, but both knew it was her place, he was only a guest. The room shifted as they stumbled through the entrance hallway, a new door appearing on the wall across from them. She broke the needy kisses she had been pressing to his neck as they entered, rolling her eyes at just how intuitive the room was, knowing exactly what they would find behind the door.
Sebastian cocked his head to the side, curiously crossing to the door, his eyes widening and a grin breaking out on his face as the door swung open. She ducked past him, kicking her shoes off before flinging herself onto the plush bed, sighing as she sunk into the cool, black silk bedding, before throwing a small pillow at him, laughing as it hit him in the head. “Oh, you're gonna pay for that, love!” Jumping onto the bed next to her, he brought his hands to her sides, tickling her, enjoying her delighted laughter and the lovely shade of red her face was turning. “Merlin, you’re beautiful, MC. Have I told you that lately? Oh I have? Well let me show you this time.”
Gently rolling on top of her, he kissed her softly, slowly moving down her neck, kissing at the newly exposed skin as she unbuttoned her blouse, arching her back, slipping the garment off. Groaning at the softness of her, he relished in the high pitched moans she made as he took her nipple into his mouth. Looking up at her, swirling his tongue around the harding nub, raking his teeth over it before letting it slip from his mouth with a wet pop. “Do you like that, love? Does it make you feel good?” He pressed soft kisses to her breast as she nodded. “Should I do it to the other one? Use your words, please love, I need to know what you like.” Smiling as she let out a breathy plea for him to repeat his actions, he moved to her other breast, giving it the same treatment. Afterwards he kneaded the soft flesh, watching her face. “Do you want me to move lower? I’ll do anything you want, darling.” Hardly waiting for her answer, another breathy reply of encouragement, he kissed his way down her stomach, warm hands caressing her sides, before moving to the waistband of her skirt. “Can I take this off, love?”
He slowly undid the buttons on her waist, giving her time to change her mind in between each one, watching her face carefully. As the last button popped open, he gave her a final look before gently tugging the material down her legs, tossing it onto the floor with her shirt.
“You okay? Should we keep going?”
She looked at him, her desire clear in her eyes. “Yes, let’s keep going, Sebby.”
Hooking his fingers under her panties, holding his breath for reasons he didn’t understand, he slid them down her legs, groaning as he caught a glimpse of her pink folds when she lifted her feet off the bed. Large hands sliding up her calves then her thighs, he pressed kisses to her legs, slowly spreading them apart. He could have spent hours caressing every inch of her shapely legs, especially her thighs, but she was starting to squirm underneath him, her desire for more almost too much. Lifting his head from her left thigh, which he had spent the last two minutes covering in open mouthed kisses and small nips, he told her he would continue, not giving her a choice.
At eye level with her core, he took a deep breath, groaning as her scent washed over him, his mouth starting to water. Flattening his tongue he ran it over her folds, smirking at the needy whimper that escaped her. Throwing one of her legs over his shoulder, and wrapping his arm around the other, keeping her pinned in place, he lapped and sucked at her before focusing on her clit. Swirling his skilled tongue over the sensitive nub, he growled softly as his ministrations elicited delightful, desperate responses from her, her fingers tangling in his soft hair as she mumbled incoherently.
“Mmm, you like that, love?” Her hips started to buck, and she ground herself against his face, pressing him impossibly closer to her heat. He moaned against her, sucked at her folds, buried himself between her lips as much as he could, even slipped his tongue inside her, every trick he had to drive her wild. Judging by the way she was cursing happily and pulling at his hair, it was working. There was only one other thing Sebastian needed to do. Reluctantly pulling away he looked at her, breathing heavily. “I’ve got to stretch you out so you can take my cock, love. You’re still okay with this, right?”
Her whiny “yes” gave him a renewed vigor and he quickly dove back between her legs. Slowly inserting a finger into her, he steadily pumped his hand, allowing her time to adjust to the feeling before adding a second finger. His lips back on her clit, he tried to keep a slow rhythm, not wanting to hurt her, but the sight of his fingers disappearing into her quickly made him lose control. He pumped into her fast and rough as her moans grew more powerful until he felt her walls clench around his digits. “That’s it, baby, cum for me. Fuck, you’re such a good girl.” Her walls fluttering around him as wave after wave of her orgasm hit he never stopped his movements, desperately drawing out her pleasure as she screamed his name, pride swelling in his chest. When her internal grip relaxed he pulled his fingers from her, replacing them with his tongue. Slurping up her juices, he knew this was where he was meant to be for the rest of his life, pleasing this beautiful girl and no one else. Smiling like a fool he sat up, ripping off his clothes before leaning over her and kissing her deeply. “I love you, MC. Will you let me keep going?”
She pulled him in for another passionate kiss. “Yes, Sebastian, I love you too. I trust you, my body is entirely yours, take it, love.”
Groaning into the kiss, Sebastian felt his heart flutter, he couldn’t believe things had finally worked out this way for them, and now that they had, he was never going to let her go. Crawling on top of her, he lined himself up, slowly rubbing the head of his cock along her folds. He gave her a silent nod, a questioning look taking over his features. “Ready?” She smiled at him, nodding back. He pushed into her as slowly as he could, stopping whenever she dug her nails into his forearm, watching her face closely for any signs of pain or discomfort.
Both breathing heavily as he bottomed out inside her, he studied her face as she made an effort to control her breathing and relax her muscles. “I know you’re probably a little uncomfortable, but damn do you look beautiful right now, MC. So fucking gorgeous.” He leaned forward to kiss her, resting his forehead on hers. “Tell me when you’re ready for me to move, love.” Another minute passed before she whispered “okay”, her hands clutching at his muscular arms.
Setting an achingly slow pace, he thrust his hips, groaning at the tightness of her walls around him. “Gods you feel so good, baby.” She let out her first moan and he watched her slight grimace turn into a full blown smile of delight.
“Go a little faster, Sebby. Fuck, I never thought it would feel this good. Ooh, yes.”
Sebastian threw his head back in bliss as her words became incoherent whimpers, and quickened his pace. Steady, soft thrusts carried them close to the edge of their orgasms, but he knew it would take more to push them over. “I’ve got to speed up baby, I want to hit that spot inside you that will have you screaming for me.” Watching and listening for her signal of approval, he lifted her leg, once again positioning it over his shoulder, gripping it tightly as he drove himself deeper into her. He gave her harder, faster, deeper thrusts, hitting his target with every single one, her high pitched whimpering making him lose himself in the pleasure.
“Oh, yes, Sebastian. Fuck, I-I’m going to cum.”
Her words snapped him out of his trance, and he fumbled to get his words out in time. “Look at me, baby, is it okay for me to finish inside you? Let me fill you with my seed. Mark you as mine where no one else can. Let me claim you, MC.” He was so close, barely able to hold out for her response, his thrusts growing sloppy and wild.
She clawed at his skin as her orgasm washed over her, arching her back off the bed. “Yes! Sebastian, yes! Cum inside me, fill me up, mark your territory!”
Her walls clenching around him, the freedom her words gave him, the fantasy they fulfilled, the cries of her pleasure were everything he needed. A deep, guttural groan left his lips as he shot rope after rope of warm cum deep into her, his cock buried to the hilt inside her slick, soft folds. Her legs wrapped around him, pushing him even deeper, and he let out a blissful laugh before gently collapsing on top of her, his cock still twitching inside her. He smiled as her fingertips traced featherlight circles across his scalp, his chest rising and falling in time with hers as they caught their breath.
“That was amazing, love. Just like you.” He pressed soft kisses against her cheek, eyeing her lovingly. He pulled himself out of her and shifted to lie next to her, pulling her body flush against his own.
“Did that live up to your expectations, MC? Was I worth the wait?” He ran his fingers through her hair as she nuzzled against his shoulder.
“You were definitely worth the wait, Sebastian. That was an incredible first time.” She sat up, catching him off guard when she pushed him onto his back, climbing on top of him, straddling his waist. “But we’re not leaving this room until I can say ‘that was an incredible third time.’ We’ve waited far too long to do this only once tonight.”
Sebastian groaned as she rocked her hips and roughly pulled her face down to his. “I couldn’t agree more.”
#writing request#ask answered#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow smut#sebastian sallow x reader#sebastian sallow x female!reader#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow oneshot#sebastian sallow fic#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy smut#hogwarts legacy sebastian#hogwarts legacy oneshot
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can you tell us about briar and silas now
okay, so. this outline applies to the original ending of awesamdad, where Briar runs away for good when he learns Dream is having another baby and never comes back, and becomes a mercenary/bounty hunter/___ for hire. Scream Eureka is an alternate ending of THAT bad end. Okay? Okay.
20 years ago, Dream dropped off the face of the earth when Briar was given to him by DreamXD, Punz was naturally absolutely dumbfounded to being ghosted in the middle of all their business. Instead of throwing in the towel, he left the server to keep studying the research they started. Necromancy, blood magic, all kinds of things. Picture a wizard in a tall tower. Kind of like that. Studying old magic nearly entirely from scratch.
He makes a name for himself working miracles and curing the sick, and lands himself as something of a baron. He has a son, a bastard really, and Silas's mother wasn't very interested at all in being a mother, so she leaves him with Punz and splits when Silas is about... mmh, maybe 5? Between 3-5. Punz is like. Alright. Guess I'm taking care of this.
He raises Silas to the best of his ability, keeping in mind that he isn't interested in parenthood at all. Silas lives a very comfortable life with maids and money. He has a staff of tutors and people to train with.
Punz is raising him to be his little lab partner. From the time Silas can handle it, he's in the autopsy room watching his father carve runes on the backs of rib bones to make them weld back together. When he's old enough to stomach it, he's being taught how to harvest organs, how to turn them into ingredients that can be put into potions, etc.
Silas. Hates this. He has very little interest in carrying on his father's life's work. He sneaks out often, is a bit of a flirt, and is regarded by staff as a disappointment. He's incredibly smart, don't get me wrong, but he's not the type of teenager to do well inside stone walls. In his eyes, Punz cares more about that damn book than he does about his own son. (This isn't true. Punz is just. Well.)
When Silas is maybe 17/18, he and Punz have a huge fight that starts with Punz trying to get him to show some incentive in his studies and winds up with Silas running away for good. (Who gives a fuck about any of this when you have everything anyway? What else could you possibly want? Who gives a fuck about the revive book, what about what I want?)
Silas becomes a pretty successful mercenary and proud vagrant, never staying in the same place for long. A bird free from his cage! He drinks as much as he wants, goes wherever he wants, and never has to recite 7 different dialects of a runic alphabet ever again.
Briar runs away from home when he is about 17. Silas is a few years younger than Briar, and runs away when he's 17/18, which would make Briar about 22.
Briar has gained notoriety in several counties. There's quite a price on his head. A famous thief with infamous aim. Silas aims to take this price for himself, and takes the bounty offer on Briar's head.
Briar outruns him for a long time, but Silas is patient. Silas tires him out until he makes a mistake, and not even perfect aim can save him when he's cornered in a cave. Briar is clever, though, and in an attempt to save his own life he tells Silas that he can pay back twice the amount the bounty office has offered him if Silas will just let him live. He'll give 70% of his own revenue to Silas until he can work off his own worth.
Silas is amused. More than amused, he's admiring his opponent! Briar's been more of an equal match. For what Silas lacks in his combat skills, Briar makes up for, and vice versa. He's smart, he's put up a good fight, he seems like an alright guy. So, Silas accepts his offer.
Briar and Silas are now a duo. Part of the deal is that Silas has to be in close proximity 24/7 (he even has Briar sign a contract! Honor bound! o7) and Silas is quickly enamored with him.
He likes Briar's mystery. He likes how fiery he is and how he complains about everything, and how he can shoot a bolt through someone's iris (bullseye!) a mile away. He's intrigued with how little he knows about him.
Briar fuckin' hates this guy. He's loud and stupid and drunk and has clipped his wings. Briar hasn't been around people in years. He hasn't entertained a real conversation since he told his mother goodbye. He doesn't remember how to do it... the whole friendship thing.
As time passes, they grow closer. Genuinely closer. Briar opens up little by little and his cold heart thaws against his will. Silas has a joke running about interest rates, adding on fees with every small slight. (You ate the last slice of bread. That's 50 more gold coins!) He doesn't want Briar to pay off his debt and split immediately. He likes him too much. And he thinks Briar needs someone to be around. He's not exactly... stable.
Briar doesn't want to lose him either. But he's absolutely scared to death of that. He knows what loss feels like. What is feels like to watch someone's back as they leave. (Silas has never known what it felt like to love in the first place.) Briar is torn between sinking his claws in or running away. He doesn't want to be vulnerable for someone again, but he doesn't know what he'd do if he lost this.
This isn't helped by Silas being obviously, stupidly, horribly in love with him. Briar might even love him back. But he knows what love does to people. He saw it kill his mother slowly. He's scared to death of it happening to him. He lashes out when he feels that warm bloom in his chest, but Silas never leaves. Briar doesn't want him to leave- god, god, please don't leave. Briar kind of wants to kill him sometimes just to make it all stop. He knows, whatever happens, that he will never marry.
Silas doesn't think there's a single thing Briar could do that would make him leave. They're in it together for the long haul, okay? Honor bound!
They don't really know what they are. Sometimes, Briar allows Silas to kiss him just to pretend he can love someone without it destroying him. He'll be mean, horribly mean, prickly, awful to him the next day. Go away, get away, get away. But Silas doesn't seem to mind.
Silas just genuinely loves him. Briar is so scared of becoming his mother that he tends to emulate his father instead. He's so angry, so hateful, and it's just because he's scared. Silas is covered in (metaphorical) scratch marks but still insists on holding his feral little fox. Like it can be domesticated.
(Foxes mate for life. Did you know that?)
Somehow in the chaos they meet a balance. They work together, sleep in the same bed, share nearly every waking moment together. They're not a couple in name, but Briar would sooner rip out his own eyes than see Silas stand near anyone else.
There's an unspoken plea. Please don't leave me. I know I'm cruel and angry and mean and more like a frightened animal than a real person but I need you to be with me. Even if I bite.
And Silas doesn't know how this is supposed to go, and he doesn't care. He has his person. He's going to stay with his little fox.
Briar lets himself stay in debt, but has the money to pay it all in his enderchest. More than enough to pay it, actually. In case he ever needs a quick out. He likes having contingency plans like that.
The original awesamdad has an end, one where Dream falls horribly ill, on deaths door, and Nettle (14) goes on a quest to find the brother she never knew so that mom can see him one more time. Briar comes home (Silas in toe. Obviously.) and Dream makes a recovery.
Some top tier bullshit happens afterward but this is already So long and also supposed to be about Silas. So I'm fuckin' cutting it here I have a fic I'm supposed to be writing!!
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Christ, I remember trying to watch NGE last year and falling off a few episodes in because nothing was happening and I found other stuff to binge that was more entertaining. I knew most of the infamous stuff happens in the latter half but how is this show 11 episodes in and still ass? At least now I know why Eva is mostly known for it's ending, there's virtually no beginning and thus far very little middle.
It's not a bad show, but yeah, it's kind of a letdown for me. I've been looking forward to this for a long time now, and it just doesn't seem to be measuring up. Maybe my expectations were unrealistic, but Evangelion always seemed to be this really cool, popular thing, and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about.
All that being said, let me dial back some of my negativity towards this show. It has its moments, often quiet, subtle touches that I can't really document with screenshots and a text synopsis. For example, when the kids are making their way through the base during the blackout, Asuka needles Shinji the whole time, then tries to do the same to Rei, and Rei completely no-sells it, just refuses to take the bait. She doesn't dispute Asuka's claims to leadership, but she doesn't recognize her authority either. And yet, when Asuka finally comes up with an actual plan to defeat their enemy, Rei agrees to follow her lead. It's not a question of respect or disrespect. She's just waiting for Asuka to cut out the bluster and be sensible.
This show reminds me of other anime TV series I've watched in the past. Noir. Excel Saga. Cowboy Bebop. Tenchi Universe. Tenchi in Tokyo. The Gonzo Hellsing series. Revolutionary Girl Utena. I feel like I'm forgetting something else, but the point is that they all sort of share a similar story structure, maybe because they're all TV series with similar lengths.
A few years back, I learned about cours, a term for a three month period in Japanese television. It's about thirteen weeks, which is why so many anime TV series are aired in multiples of 12 or 13 episodes. Jojo season 1 was 26 episodes, which was used to cover both Parts 1 and 2, which worked out, because Part 1 was a little too short for its own 3-month run, while Part 2 was a little too long. Part 3 was like forty-eight episodes, so that's four cours. Parts 4, 5, and maybe 6 were three cours apiece.
Of course, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is based on a serial manga, but I'm pretty sure shows like the ones I mentioned above were wholly original, or only loosely based on a manga or OAV. Those shows, including NGE are designed to be 13, 26, or 39 episodes long, and the story is plotted accordingly. And they kind of operate the same way, spending a certain number of episodes introducing the characters, then doing a bunch of routine adventures, and then towards the last seven or eight episodes things start to get serious and the really plot-driven stuff happens.
I wouldn't quite call it a formula, but it explains why I keep finding NGE's pacing so familiar, even though I really haven't seen another show like it. I think what everyone remembers so fondly is the heavy stuff, where a lot of the secrets and mysteries get revealed, and all of these characters and relationships that have built up over the series get pushed to their limits. But if I'm right, that probably won't get rolling until Episode 18 or 19.
And if it is a formula, then it clearly works, or they wouldn't keep doing it. I guess that's just the difference between Japanese TV and direct-to-video stuff. I've been spoiled by shows like Hellsing Ultimate, where the episodes were variable-length, and organized for maximum effect, because there were no broadcast schedules or logistical issues to get in the way. I suspect a lot of these shows have a few weak episodes where nothing happens just to fill out the cour. They wrote 18 epsiodes' worth of story, but it has to be padded out to 26.
How you experience a show like NGE probably matters too. If I had seen Evangelion back in 2000, on the Toonami lineup, I probably would have only caught bits and pieces of it, eventually getting curious enough to make a deliberate effort to watch it all the way through and figure out just what was going on. That's how I got into Tenchi. I can imagine some small group of anime nerds getting together to watch NGE three episodes at a time, and if they're still somewhat new to this genre, it would blow them away. Sentimental value counts for a lot, but it's not something I can recapture just by watching it myself. But it's the best I can manage, and whether the show is good or not, at least I'll have the satisfaction of finding out.
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Greg Hirsch x Reader: Chapter 6
Hi everybody!! I hope you're all doing well <3 It is so dark and cold (I live in the PNW, near where the Twilight books are set, for reference lol) but I'm trying to stay cozy and keep my spirits up.
So what better way to do that than sharing another chapter! This one is very Christmassy and cozy, I hope you enjoy xoxoxo
Link to Chapter 5 (18+ minors dni)
Content Warnings:
Sexual content (less explicit in this chapter, but they still have sex)
Swearing
Reader is dealing with some body image issues. It's not the main focus but it is discussed.
Alcohol consumption
Estranged family dynamics mentioned.
“You’re sure you don’t want to spend Christmas with your family?” I asked Greg as we walked back to my apartment from the coffee shop, baked goods and coffees in hand.
“Oh, I’m very sure.” He laughed wryly.
“Not even your uncle—the one in Canada, I mean?”
“Nope.” He shook his head, taking a bite of his cake pop.
“Well, lucky me, then.” I smiled up at him, though I felt a little sad for him—somehow, I hadn’t realized things with his entire family were so bad. Not that things with my family had been great the past few years, either.
“They don’t think you’re real, by the way.” He waved his half-eaten cake pop at me, his eyebrows raised. “Yeah, they think I made you up. They call you my imaginary girlfriend.”
“What?” I scoffed. “Why?”
“They think I’m, like, lame and broke and stuff, I don’t know.” He rolled his eyes. “I mean, compared to them, I guess I kind of am, but it’s still like, come on guys.”
“That’s fucking annoying.” I scrunched up my face. “They sound like they suck.”
“I mean, yeah, most of the time.” He sighed.
“Well, if you ever want to prove them wrong, I suppose…” I started, pulling my keys out of my coat pocket as we reached my building. “I suppose I could go with you if there’s ever, I don’t know, an event or something where they could see us together.”
“For real, you’d do that?” His eyebrows shot up as he held the door open for me.
I considered it for a second. “I would.”
“But I thought you, like, really hated ATN?”
“I do.” I shrugged, leading the way up to my floor. “But I really don’t hate you, so. If it would get them off your back, it’d be worth it to me.”
“Wow, okay,” He said as we reached my door.
“I mean, if you think that wouldn’t be a good thing—like, if I’d damage your reputation by being your date, or anything, then I don’t have to, of course.” I unlocked the door and threw my coat onto the rack.
“Why would you—I mean, how do you think you’d do that?” He hung his coat and scarf and followed me into the living room.
“I don’t know…I mean, I’m sure they all date models and stuff, and I maybe…” I trailed off, unsure how to continue without sounding as insecure as I felt. “Would they make fun of you, because I’m not, like, perfect-looking and super skinny?”
“What?” His eyebrows shot up, and he sat down next to me. “Why would you even…even think that?”
“I just want to make sure that I wouldn’t make you regret bringing me along.” I said, unable to look at him. “I mean, I’ve seen the women your cousins have dated, and they’re all, like, tall and skinny and gorgeous. I’m nowhere near as…well, I know I don’t look like them.”
“Baby, no.” He said, taking one of my hands and squeezing it. “You are…you are literally so fucking beautiful. I would never, ever be worried about you…fucking embarrassing me. Like, if anything, you should be embarrassed to be seen with me.”
“Are you sure?” I looked up at him, to my embarrassment, with tears in the corners of my eyes.
“I’m—God, I’m so sure.” He cupped my face in his hands and pulled me closer, wiping the tears with his thumbs as they spilled over. “Why would you even think something like that?”
“I don’t know,” I said softly. “I mean, I do know, I guess. Just insecurities that I need to get over.”
“Well, I wish you wouldn’t be insecure, because you’re so beautiful, and also just really fucking hot, and,” He pressed a kiss to my lips. “I really, really like seeing you naked. And in clothes. I just like seeing you, in all forms.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.” I laughed, sniffling and swiping under my eyes with my sleeve. “Okay. I feel better now. Thank you.”
“I just—Jesus.” He shook his head. “They’re gonna be so shocked that somehow, someone as hot as you decided to even, like, give me the time of day, much less have sex with me.”
“They sound insufferable.” I squeezed his hand. “No wonder you’d rather hang out with me.”
“Yeah, um, you can say that again.” He scoffed. “Jesus. Anyways. Do you want me to plug in the tree?”
“Yeah, sure.” I smiled as he gave me another kiss, then stood up to plug in the lights strung around the Christmas tree we’d put up in the corner. We’d spent a free evening decorating it together with my old childhood ornaments, and he’d finished it off by putting the star on top, no stepladder required.
“Okay, so, do you want your present now?” He asked once the multi-colored lights were on, illuminating the dim room.
“Yes, I would love my present.” I sat up, knowing how excited he was about it. He’d been trying not to drop hints about it for weeks now; having to keep it a secret had been driving him nuts. His excitement was infectious and very endearing, especially since I’d grown up in a family that had been kind of Grinch-y around Christmastime.
“Okay, here it is,” He grabbed a flat rectangular package from under the tree and brought it over. “It took me so long to find something, but I do think I found something, like, worthy of you.”
“You’re so fucking sweet.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek and ripped the wrapping paper at one end, sliding the present open. As I peeled it away and saw what was inside, my eyes widened, flipping it over to the back cover, then inside to the front page.
“Oh, my fucking God,” I said, my voice pitching higher with each word. “How in the world did you find this?”
“Well, I can’t reveal my sources—” He started, and I swatted at him, laughing, unable to believe what I was seeing in front of me; what I was holding in my hands. It was, if my quick glance inside the front cover was correct, a signed first-edition copy of one of my favorite novels of all time.
“Greg, this is crazy.” I said, my eyes filling for the second time that day, but for a completely different reason. “I can’t believe…is this, like real?”
“Yeah, I mean, it was authenticated, if that’s what you mean. I made sure before I got it.” He smiled, putting a hand on my thigh and squeezing gently.
“Thank you so much. Oh my God, Greg.” I sniffled, unable to help it. “This is literally the coolest, most thoughtful gift I’ve ever gotten.”
“Hey, of course.” He said softly. “I’m really, like, really glad you like it.”
“Seriously. Thank you.” I looked into his eyes and leaned in to give him a lingering kiss, before drawing back and standing up. “Okay. My gift for you probably isn’t as good, but…” I grabbed it from under the tree and brought it back, sitting down next to him again and handing it over.
“Well, I’ll be the judge of that.” He grinned, ripping the thick envelope open and sliding out the card. He flipped it open, and the two tickets fluttered into his lap.
I waited while his eyes skimmed over the writing inside the card, then he picked up the tickets, and his brow furrowed.
“You got me tickets to see Hamilton?” He asked, looking up at me.
“Yeah. I mean, you said you liked the show, but I didn’t think you’d ever seen it live before." I pulled my shirtsleeves down over my hands.
“That’s…oh my God, this is literally an insane gift.” He kissed me, his hands bringing my face to meet his. “I can’t believe you got fucking Hamilton tickets. You don’t even like musicals.”
“I don’t, but you do.” I shrugged. “I can sit through it for a few hours, just for you. Unless you want to take someone else—”
“Okay, come on. No. We’re—we’re going, obviously.” He squeezed my thigh with one hand, looking at the tickets again to read the details. “I can’t believe you. ‘Oh, this probably isn’t that good of a gift’, that’s…you’re crazy.”
“Well, I’m glad you like it so much.” I kissed him on the cheek, curling up and laying my head on his shoulder.
"I love it." He kissed the top of my head. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” I took his face in my hands and gave him a kiss, long and slow.
I lit a spiced-cranberry scented candle, and we watched a Christmas movie together, snuggled on the couch with popcorn and our now-cold coffees. Halfway into the movie, we ended up just making out, and then moved things to the bedroom. The sex was slow, sweet, and vanilla, but I wasn’t mad about it.
“I’m just, like…I hope you know, I’m really glad I met you.” He said, stroking my hair as we lay together afterwards, coming back down to Earth.
“I’m really glad I met you, too.” I looked up at him and smiled, kissing him softly, then snuggling into his chest again. I could see it had started to snow outside my window, the flakes showing up under the streetlights, soft little flurries beginning to coat the bare tree branches. I felt a tugging on my heart, and I knew that I was falling in love with him, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it—not yet. I would tell him eventually, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment: the quiet, the warmth of our bodies pressing together under the sheets, the clean smell of him, the taste of him still on my lips. It was a nice moment, and I wanted to bask in it, letting it last as long as possible.
#hbo succession#succession#succession fanfic#succession imagine#greg hirsch#greg hirsch x reader#succession x reader#x reader#gregory hirsch
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On Ace Awareness Week, from a formerly unaware ace
Since Ace Awareness week is drawing to a close I figured eh, why not share my perspective as someone who didn't know what asexuality was until I was 22 and why teaching kids about asexuality is fucking important.
This is basically a long winded personal story. Not the most profound thing, but eh. It's our week so why not? (Warning: Long)
I'm also bi/pan (I use both for reasons I won't get into here but if you're curious just ask I guess?) and while THAT did not exactly go smoothly and is still a sore spot between my mom and I, I will say that not knowing what asexuality was during hs and most of college caused me far more anguish than anything related to me liking girls. It was just largely invisible to others.
High school and college became very isolating times for me. For a lot of reasons but partially because of my asexuality. My peer group talked pretty openly about who was having sex and when, and for awhile me not feeling ready was fine, but after a time I had to just learn to keep that to myself.
Occasionally I did mention things like not feeling like I could have sex with someone after only three dates, or after only a month. (Since I didn't know what asexuality was I reasoned that I would get the urge eventually in the relationship, just not as soon as my peers seemed to.) By college this got some pretty hostile reactions from some people in my peer groups. Mostly from guys but certainly not EXCLUSIVELY from guys. (A lot of patriarchal bullshit of the mid 00's was mixed in for good measure, not purely acephobia.) I was called abusive and manipulative for "stringing guys along" and "making them pay for x amount of dates with nothing in return". (I was back in the closet during college and trying to gaslight myself into forgetting I'd dated a girl in hs but that's a whole nother thing.)
I would hope these are things most college kids today wouldn't say, both because of having healthier views on dating and at least knowing what asexuality is. It's also worth noting I had exactly one relationship during college and it only lasted six weeks. So no I was not leaving a trail of broken hearts and blue balls in my wake. I was also happy to pay for my own dates but the one guy I dated would get absolutely FURIOUS with me when I suggested doing so.
In fact after that one relationship (which was when I was 18) I pretty much decided to just give up on dating until I felt ready to have sex in a timely manner. Even after I found out what asexuality was I still kinda reasoned it as something I had to get over. I didn't really think I'd meet anyone else who was ace so I still reasoned that sex would just be something I'd have to learn to tolerate if I wanted a relationship. So for 7 years I didn't date or do anything romantic with anyone. An occasional crush maybe, but I generally got over them before I even thought to try to pursue something.
When I was 25 I met my partner, and after being online friends for awhile we became a couple. Neither of us knew THEY were also asexual, that was just a happy accident. Or maybe our hearts knew something our minds didn't. I don't know, but it sounds romantic, doesn't it?
But even after that, there was one final round of acephobia from one of my hs/college friends. (I am not friends with her anymore but her acephobia is actually not a huge factor in that.) It's worth noting my partner was male presenting at the time and had not yet started to question that, so for the first few years of our relationship they were my "boyfriend".
This friend of mine was skeptical that a young "man" such as my partner would truly tolerate a sexless relationship. I assured her that my partner was ace, like me. She said I should be prepared for them to change their mind. I said if they did, they did. We would probably have to break up.
Her conclusion was that it was extremely fucked up for me "dump a guy for WANTING to have sex with you".
But at this point I felt more equipped to call her on her bullshit than I'd felt in hs and college. At least internally...I didn't turn the conversation into a fight but sometimes I kinda wish I had.
It's gotten easier, and honestly part of that comes from people in their 30's just not talking about sex as much. So if you're a younger ace and still feel like people can't shut tf up about all their sexing...they will eventually. Or at least tone it down.
But still, I think I would have felt less alone and isolated if I'd realized I was just some lone, broken person unworthy of love just because sex terrifies me. There will always be some skepticism and pushback, but I would have had a word for myself. A way to explain how I feel and that I'm not the only one who feels like that. (Not that being the only person who feels a certain way means you're invalid, but it IS easier when you can point to some article and be like "Look, here's me and how I feel and the others who feel that way".) I would have had the words to explain my boundaries and limitations.
And I hope nobody else has to feel as alone as I did back then. So yeah. Teach kids about asexuality. Both to prevent them from feeling like I did, but also to prevent them from MAKING others feel like I did by acting like some of my more douchehat college friends.
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little bit of a rant post? i’m not sure if it qualifies, i’m mostly just talking about my feelings. i guess that counts as a vent idk lol. but in order to convert to judaism where i live, i have to first complete an 18-week intro to judaism course. i’m more than happy to do that and i’ve been looking forward to it for a long time, but after thinking about it for some months now (since december-ish), i don’t think i’ll be able to start it until autumn. six months from now.
(putting a cut because this is a few paragraphs long)
it doesn’t sound like that long on paper but it feels like forever. i don’t want my impatience to be seen as immaturity, but i’ve been thinking about conversion for *so* long now (2.5 years, if i remember correctly), it kills me inside a little bit to acknowledge i need to wait even longer. especially since that class isn’t an actual conversion class, it’s the gateway to *begin* conversion. which obviously also takes a long time.
i know there’s good reason that everything takes so long, and i’m not upset about that at all. i know why conversion is so inaccessible, and i agree that it’s important. but ultimately i’m only human and having to wait even longer is just...so upsetting to me. i’m sure in the future when all this is long behind me i won’t care as much and it’ll have been worth it, but right now its so sad to me that i can’t take this class or begin conversion yet.
i’ve tried to have conversations with a few different rabbis so far and they’ve all brushed me off because i haven’t taken the course, yet. even if i told them i’d just like to chat and get to know them, since i know i’ll be talking with them again in the future, they just... don’t seem very interested? i understand hesitation to talk to me seriously about conversion right this instant because i haven’t made the first big step to starting it yet, but it only adds to the disappointment that they won’t talk to me long enough to even find out why i haven’t taken the class yet. i feel like i’m not even being given a chance and it still gets taken away, almost.
i know it’s all for good reason. it makes sense that conversion takes a long time, my impatience is my problem. it makes sense that rabbis are hesitant to speak with a prospective convert, too. but i feel like my specific situation (why i can’t take the class until later this year, physical proximity to synagogues, rejection sensitive dysphoria because of my autism, etc) feels really shitty and inconvenient. even if it isn’t actually. uhg.
have any other prospective converts had any shared feelings? i’m worried i’ll get told it’s a bad sign that i’m impatient and deal with rejection poorly, considering that those things are...obviously relevant. but it’d be nice to know if i’m alone in this at least </3
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Senior Year - Where we lose count
(part 7)
Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader/ y/n Henderson
Context: y/n is Dustin's big sister. The events of S1 to S3 have happened with y/n being a part of it to some extent. S3 ends differently with Hopper escaping the Russians with Joyce and Murray. Joyce and Hopper made it to Enzo at some point and they are now happily dating. Joyce didn't move to California so the gang is all together in Hawkins.
Dustin's and y/n dad died a few years ago. He was Hopper and Joyce's high school friend so they are very close to the family. Hopper is y/n godfather.
I don't know yet if some of the events of S4 will happen in this serie, but I can promise that Eddie will be safe if they do.
Summary: Y/n is starting her senior year as Eddie's starts his third one. They know each other from being in the same high school, but are not really friends. She likes him. Good thing her little brother is now a part of the Hellfire Club.
Warnings: (for the whole serie) mention of dead parents, mention of drugs and alcohol, swearing, slow burn, flirting, mutual pining, fluff, friends to lovers, smut 18+.
Author's note: I want this will be a serie. English is not my first language. Also, this is my very first time writing fanfic. Please feel free to comment and give constructive criticism. Thanks!
----
It's Saturday afternoon and Eddie gets to your house as planned to work on your chemistry assignement due on Monday. As soon as he parks his van, he hears total chaos coming from inside. He chuckles, guessing the source of said chaos. He opens the front door and what he sees confirm his theory. All the youngster are there, spread all over the living room and the kitchen. Eating sandwiches and chips. It's loud but you look so happy. You are chatting and laughing with El, Max and Will sitting in the living room. Dustin, Mike and Lucas are eating and arguing in the kitchen.
Everybody warmly greets Eddie.
"Guys, you need to clean up and leave soon if you don't want to miss the movie!" you say.
They all get up, hurrying to finish their lunch and put the dishes in the dishwasher. Getting ready to leave. Today's plan for them is afternoon at the movies and sleep-over at the Byers.
"Dustin, don't forget the banana bread!" you shout, grabbing the container and putting it in his backpack "You guys leave some for Joyce, Hop and Jonathan".
"I'll try my best" he says laughing.
You and Eddie watch as they all jump on their bikes (or skate) and leave for the movie theater.
You get back inside.
"Eddie, I have leftovers, i'm making us sandwiches!" you say.
He smiles. By now, he knows there is no refusing food from you. Besides, why would he refuse, he loves all the food you make.
"I'm sad the banana bread left with Dustin" he jokes.
"Don't worry, I hid our portions. I also have extra for Wayne". you answer.
"Of course you have Princess. I don't know why I was worried" he winks at you.
Yes, the nickname stayed, and yes you love it. Add the winks... goosebumps. You like Eddie a lot as a friend, but at this point you know for sure you love him and oh my do you want him. Is the flirting a game? You don't know, but boy do you enjoy it.
You both go to your bedroom with your food. Eddie takes a first bite of his sandwich. He moans and closes his eyes.
"Princess, even your sandwiches are heavenly. What's in there?" he says.
"Can't say, secret ingredient. Family secret" you reply.
"Wow, now I have to marry you to know everything" he answers.
You laugh "You want to marry me for my cooking skills?".
He gets that naughty look on his face and answers "Oh I'm sure you have plenty of other skills worth discovering"
You laugh...and you blush "Ok Munson, that was sexy. You win this round".
You both smile at each other.
"Ok, let's do this damn chemistry assignement so we can have a little peace for the rest of the week-end" you say.
After a few hours, you are both tired but you are finally done with the assignement. It's now dark outside. The only lightening in your bedroom is from the lamp on your desk. You and Eddie sit in a confortable silence at your desk. You start touching his forearm, tracing the bats from his tattoo.
"I like this one" you say.
"Yeah? I didn't know you liked tattoos" he looks surprised.
"I love tattoos!" you reply.
"Do you have any?" he aks.
"It depends, can you keep a secret?"
Eddie face is a mix of shook and amusement "You do, you totally have at least one! No way! I want to know!".
"Oh my God, Eddie" you laugh but you are also worried "I'll tell you everything but you have to promise to keep it a secret. My mom would kill me".
"I promise" he says, mimicking locking his lips and throwing away the key. He looks super excited.
"Ok, nobody knows. For real, nobody but you. I have two small tattoos. Got them at a small tattoo shop while I was in Indianapolis last summer".
"That is so cool. I did not see that coming Princess. Pleasantly surprised" he says with a big grin "Where are they?".
"Well, let's say they are well hidden so my mom can't see them even when i'm in a bathing suit".
"I think i'm gonna faint" Eddie says as he rubs his hands on his face.
You laugh "Are you blushing? Am I winning a new round?"
He stays silent for a moment. Face still in his hands.
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours" you say.
He takes his hands off his face to look at you. He is definitively blushing and you win this round. A victorious look on your face.
"Princess, you will be the death of me" he sighs.
You decide to push it further. You are alone with him. Nobody is coming home until tomorrow. And this proximity with him in your poorly lit bedroom is making your head spin with desire. Also, you did what to see all his tattoos.
"It's a serious offer" you tell him.
He stops smilig, still blushing but now also very curious "Really?"
"Yup, but you go first. Show me all your tattoos. And no lifting part of your t-shirt or pants. You have to take the piece of clothing off. That's the deal". And that was a pretty good deal considering you were wearing only a dress.
"Deal". He gets up and quickly takes off his t-shirt.
You stand up and get closer to him "Can I touch you?".
"... yes" he replies a little shaky.
You smile but don't look at him. Your fingers slowly and gently touching his tattoos. Some of them you knew he had, some are new to you. You get to his back to discover big bat wings tattoos. You continue touching, taking your time, contouring the tattoos. You can hear his breathing changing. You feel the goosebumps on his skin. And you enjoy it... a lot. You come back to face him, tracing the tattoos on his chest, slowly coming down to the one besides his happy trail and disappearing a little under his pants.
"The bats on your forearm is still my favorite one" You put your hand on his lower abdomen tattoo "But this one has the best placement for sure". He puts his hands on yours. Your eyes meet his and there is no doubt on both your minds. This isn't just a game. You bite your lower lip and you shiver a little.
"Your turn Princess. I want to see yours now" he whispers.
"You'll have to find them" you softly say has you turn around and hold your hair out of the way so he can unzip your dress. He gently does and your dress falls to the floor. Leaving you only in your underwear. Nice black ones of course. You were always ready in case the flirting would lead to more.
His hands and his eyes are exploring your body. Searching for your tattoos, but it's also way more than that. It's very sensual while being very respectful. No inappropriate touching, He takes his time, slowly touching you everywhere your skin is exposed and paying attention to your reactions. At this point, you can't help making little sounds. Moans and sighs. But you don't feel self-conscious at all. You feel confortable, high on Eddie. You feel on fire. You are really enjoying this. This is foreplay and you are in heaven.
After exploring your legs, he stands up, dangerously close to you. Close enough for you to clearly feel on your stomach that this was working for him too.
"I can't find them" he says.
You lustly look at him "Guess you are going to have to take my underwear off to see them".
He licks his bottom lip and takes your face in this hands "I really want to kiss you right now" he confesses.
You look at him and reply "I always really want you to kiss me".
He blushes, smiles and leans over to kiss you. His hands finding your waist while yours find his neck. And it's soft and perfect and everything you wanted and then hungry and full of more desire from both of you. He grabs your ass and lifts you up. You wrap your legs around his waist. You can feel him kiss you everywhere he can while taking you to your bed.
Finally, this is happening.
#stranger things imagine#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things#eddie x reader#eddie munson#eddie x fem!reader#eddie munson slow burn#eddie munson smut#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson friends to lovers#eddie x y/n#eddie munson stranger things
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Sergeant Bambi
Summary : a brief introduce to Sergeant Athea "Bambi" Diggory, my Original Character in Call of Duty universe by Captain Price to Kate Laswell.
Pairing: None
Warnings: possibly bad English especially the grammar (sorry, English is not my first language), inaccurate military term (I tried my best to do research) and I haven't written for a long time and this is the first time I write in English.
JUNE, 2020 1430
Washington D.C, United State of America
“It’s rare for you to ask to meet me so soon after last time.” A woman commented as a man with beard approached her, sitting in the corner of a coffee shop in the middle of the day. The man gave her a quick chuckle before taking another seat in front of the woman.
“What can I say, Kate, I had something you might find interesting,” the man finally replied. He put a brown file on the table, knocking it with his finger a few times to get Kate Laswell’s attention.
It proved successful as Laswell’s eyes almost locked to the file. Judged by the thickness of it, seems like it contained someone’s profile in there and pretty average—not so thin, not so thick. “Another addition to the Task Force, John?” she guessed.
“Straight to point... I thought American loves small talk,” he joked.
“You make it clear you want something. Why bother wasting our time?”
He nodded his head as he agreed. He pushed the file toward her confidently. “Yeah, I’d like to add another one,” he requested.
“Huh? Seems like you forgot one,” she teased him.
He let a small chuckle out, “No, not really. I just came across her and though she probably could be a good additional to the team.”
“And for you get her file by yourself, she must be very good,” she assumed while she took the file and Price just gave her a suspicious grin.
“You know me, Kate. I won't recruit just anyone,” he replied, sipping his just-arrived tea.
“What’s so special about her, anyway? You should understand that I can’t just add another personnel to the team just because you asked for it,” she argued. Her eyebrows furrowed, being skeptical even Price might have a good reason to make such request.
“Just read the file first, I’ll explain after,” he suggested, crossed both his hand and leaned his back against the chair. “I wouldn't waste both of our time if it wasn't worth it.”
“Fine.”
She took the file and started with the name on the cover.
“Sergeant Athea “Bambi” Diggory,” she read it out loud.
There was also a photo of a young woman with long wavy black hair and ocean blue eyes. Quite unfamiliar, she thought.
“She looks young,” she commented. “And she does look like a fawn,” she added another commented, pointing to her face feature and her callsign.
Then, she proceed to read the first page. Mainly because Price didn’t give any comment as he kept silence and let her continue with the file on her hands. As she read the first 2 pages, nothing really stands out except she was a capable soldier.
Full name, Athea Veronica Diggory aka Bambi. Born in 1998 and living in London. Height of 170 cm and weight of about 58 kg. Speaks three languages including English, Spanish and French.
She joined the British Army at the age of 18 before joining the Special Air Service two years later. Promoted to Sergeant last year for her outstanding performance in hunting terrorists and insurgents across Europe and the Middle East. Experienced in primary target elimination, tracking and reconnaissance, covert surveillance, close quarter combat, sniper techniques and demolitions.
Impressive but all seems normal to Laswell. At least, until she got to the interested part.
On the third page, there was a long list of Bambi’s deployment and all the missions she has carried out. But almost half of it was blacked out. So on the next pages, which contained reports of her missions, almost all of them were covered in black marker.
The other thing was the time when these secret missions were carried out. It could be seen that secret missions were carried out after several or between 2 official missions. And the time between the date of the previous mission and the mission after is relatively short. So it just means that these secret missions were carried out quickly.
Laswell thought it was weird because nothing out of ordinary from Bambi’s profile. She understood that she was a well-performed soldier, but to have a lot of confidential reports like this was unusual.
“What is it, John?” she finally asked.
Price sniffed. “That’s what make her special. Kate. Twenty-one years old, only four years of serving both in the Army and SAS but already got long list of missions and half of it was secret missions. Long list? Fine. Young blood got a lot of energy. But secret missions?”
“If it was Ghost’s, I probably could understand…” she almost lost of words at this point. Either she was amazed or worried about Bambi. “And you want her to be in your team?”
He nodded his head. “I had no problem with those secret missions. For me, those are nothing more than proves that she’s more than capable to be in the team.”
“What are these secret missions? Do you have any idea?” she asked.
This time, Price shook his head. “Nope. Not a single one. This is the most detail I could get. All I know, those missions weren’t on official record.”
“And what about others’ opinion about it?”
“They won’t know. The file they’ll get is the edited version. It will exclude all the confidential information. Just the official records,” he grinned, followed with his old man chuckles that makes Kate raised one of her eyebrows.
“How you got this then?” she confused.
“I got my sources. Don’t worry about it,” he reassured.
“Have you ever worked with her?” she once again questioned him, flipping pages of the files with her fingers.
“Only once but even then it wasn't under my command.” He took another sip of his tea.
“And you think she can work well with you?” she doubted him.
“Worth the shot,” he smiled confidently. Laswell wasn’t sure, of course.
“That’s not enough, John. You need a better reason,” she objected. Of course it wasn't enough.
No matter how much Laswell wanted to fulfill Price's request, she still needed a compelling reason to add additional personnel at this time, when they were about to start a new mission soon. But on the other side, Price was so eager to add this particular person with unknown reason for Laswell.
“I know. But you’d love her,” he tried.
With that, Laswell wasn’t convinced yet. She still had some things to consider even after reading some of the reports—that she could read—a few times. Too many secret will never be a good thing. But she couldn’t denied that she was intrigue.
“Fine. But we've already had a plan and you know that. We'll all be leaving for Verdansk in a few days. So I can't possibly include anyone new in the plan. For now, she could only be sent as assistance if the situation turned out of control. That's the best thing I can do,” she finally decided that made Price breathe with ease. He also smiled and Laswell found it annoying.
“I appreciate it, Kate. I’ll introduce her to you in person if it necessary.” Price stood up from his chair, ready to leave as the purpose of his coming here has been conveyed.
“No need. Since this was a last minute request, I’ll meet her after it's all done. I’ll give you an update if there’s any. Just make sure everyone is ready.”
“See you in few days, Kate.”
#call of duty#original character#cod oc#cod original character#call of duty original character#athea 'bambi' diggory#captain john price#captain price#john price#call of duty fanfic#cod fanfic#call of duty fanfiction#call of duty headcanons#cod headcanons#cod hcs#cod au#call of duty au
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so i’m gonna get down and serious for a second here y’all ok
tw: talk of suicide
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so like. listen: i’m super mentally ill. i’ve been in and out of hospitals and therapy, done many different treatments, had my own experiences, successes and failures and neutrals, and i’m always going to be sick. always. that’s just the fact of it.
i’m always going to have great days or weeks or years, and really shitty ones. and i’m gonna be suicidal and i’m gonna get This Close to going through with it. i got the closest i ever had, back in 2018.(? 2019? that area. memory hasn’t worked right in ages, lmao)
at 34 years old i seriously didn’t think i’d be here. i legit didn’t think i’d make it to 25, let alone 30. and those’re pretty big numbers.
thing is, i guess i haven’t done much and i live with a lot of guilt. i’m disabled. working, let alone living every day, is very hard for me.
but never. in my fucking life. would i have believed the sequence butterfly events that have gotten me here. if Future Me had come knockin’ on 18-year-old Past Me’s door. and let me in a few lil’ secrets. and actually? wouldn’t want to know.
i’ve dealt with a whole lot of personal hardship and heartache, bullshit flying day and night, the weight of my failures and catching fire and toxicity and crashing and crawling out and becoming a better person and making mistakes and doing it all over again just for one good year, and then have it all crumbling. it happens. it just fucking happens, mates, and sometimes, you end up in the hospital where you actually need to be.
but those opinions aside, what i’m really getting at here with all this buildup is this:
keep fighting.
the next year is a big number for some people. the next tomorrow, week, month. big numbers. day at a time. minute by minute. your brain is an asshole. hell, you might be an asshole. a new hour’s upon us: learn to grow past it. accept recovery. accept the next ten minutes. the new failure. the last one. a chance at success whatever the fuck it is you want to do next even if it’s eat gummy worms and rewatch Most Brutal Metal Scream 2012 for the 20th time today.
just live, mate. the days are scary and time goes on. i can only speak for myself and i say, thank fucking god i’m still here.
because never in my fucking life would i have thought my events would’ve taken me not only this far, but to accomplish this much. to meet these man people, to share their everyday with them. to make and break friendships, to watch them peter out, to pick up on them again. to keep learning and growing and making mistakes and making happiness for not only me, but others whom i love, and love me back, even if they’re a passerby stranger.
i’m goddamn proud of myself. life is hard. life fucking sucks sometimes. my experience is not yours, and yours is not mine, and we cannot fully understand each other because of it. we can only relate in our own way, but fact aligns in the world’s greatest way to say “fuck you” to everything else, to ever exist:
just keep fucking living. just. keep doing it, mate.
you’ll get there, wherever it is, in your own time. it sucks to wait. it’s shit to have to wonder when everything’s going to pick up because boy howdy has it been Ultra Bad for Too Long. but seriously.
i promise it’s worth it. i fucking promise it’s worth it.
just hang on. when you choose to hang on, when you choose recovery, choose to get better, to be a better person, to learn and grow and gain confidence and defend and succeed and flourish.. shit, mate. it’s not easy. it’s a constant process. but it’s you. that’s your gift to yourself. a wonderful gift.
life’s a piece of shit, but i’m glad i’m still alive.
i’m unhappy a lot, but i’m really happy for what i’ve done, am doing, and who i’ve met along the way, even as recently as this past month.
i’m really anxious and fraying, but i’m really looking forward to tomorrow and what i might bring to myself and others in the future.
self-love is hard. it’s gonna look arrogant and selfish to a lot of people. maybe it is, and can be, for sure. but i love me; i love my work. i love my skills and talents even though i despise many parts of me and my sick brain and what i’ve done to me, and done to others. that’s just life tho; and the world turns madly on.
but at least i’m alive.
i’m glad i’m here for it. and i’m glad you are too.
love u. see you tomorrow, and the tomorrow after that; and the tomorrow after that. 🥚💖
#ches writes#tw: suicide mention#ches writes heavy shit. ches has a moment where he's Having A Deep Thought There#idk jsut. thinking about the domino and butterfly effects man. life be wildin'. a lot's happened and happening and i can't be fucked lmao#i can't be fucked to not be so ferociously stubborn to enjoy my life now. i'm busy. i'm so super fucking Busy ok.#34 years old and i'm fucking trying ok and Good For Me.#and GOOD. FOR. YOU!! HIGH FIVE#ok bye~ 💖🥚🙏 kiss kiss#long post
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Sims tag
Thanks for tagging me @episims :)
1. what’s your favorite sims death?
old age with the hula dancers welcome but mostly i try not to let anyone die!
2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match?
i’m somewhere in the middle, i have a game thats more heavy on the semi realistic content and another that’s more maxis match-y.
3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight?
i wouldn’t say i cheat, but i do have them work out a lot to change back
4. Do you use move objects?
of course but i usually wait until the end of the decorating stage to do that.
5. Favorite mod?
i don’t use a lot of mods but i guess whatever one adds custom sliders or at least the bodyshop sliders to regular CAS
6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got?
Well my simming career started back in the sims 1 release days and I got double deluxe base game followed quickly by unleashed shortly after it’s original release.
7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing?
like LIVing
8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?
i am very partial to Malle, Echo, Abba, and my legacy founder VJ!
9. Have you made a simself?
in the past yes but i never really did much with her. there might be a saved file of her stashed away somewhere...
10. What sims traits do you give yourself?
very few outgoing points, plenty of nice points, a good handful of active
11. Which is your favorite EA hair color?
umm i tend to make lots of blonde sims but not with EA’s yellow blonde...so Brown I guess??
12. Favorite EA hair?
The shaggy surfer dude one
13. Favorite life stage?
Adult I guess
14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the game play?
i’m more in it for sim creation and decorating that playing or building.
15. Are you a CC creator?
yeah i’ve got a whole downloads tag worth of it but i wouldn’t say i am good at it and i don’t do it very often.
16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sims squad?
i’d like to think you’re all my friends but a few are closer/more interactive than others
17. What’s your favorite game (1,2,3,4)?
TS2 forever, with a special space for sims 1 in my heart
18. Do you have any sims merch?
no, not really my thing
19. Do you have a youtube for sims?
i tried dabbling in sims machinima at once point way back in the day, even had a couple voice actors record lines for the start of my little story. i made a little prologue video that i posted on youtube. not sure if it’s still around in some dusty corner of the internet....
20. How has your “sims style” changed throughout your years of playing?
while i have embraced and started leaning a little more maxis match since coming to simblr wayyyyy long ago, i would say it hasn’t changed too much, it’s still a mix of everything that i like and falls victim to my current mood and whims, but it’s maybe a little more cohesive now. i’d like to think someone could recognize twofee style decor or sim.
21. What’s your origin ID?
i don’t need it for sims as my install is off the discs but i think it’s twoffee
22. Who’s your favorite cc creator?
everyone who makes cc!! no way could you narrow that down!
23. How long have you had a simblr?
my archive says January of 2013 is when i finally gave up lurking!
24. How do you edit your pictures?
wow it’s been so long since i’ve done it, but i’ll crop, run a super old action i got from another popular simblr, then resize and be done. if i feel fancy i might add a little boarder shadow thing. but really not much.
25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next?
i just want more content of any variety. new hairs and clothes, new decor items, floors and walls, conversions from other games, new recolors of everything. maxis match and semi realistic. or even bringing back some long lost content. I have an entire folder of 2000s content on an old external HD that I would love to just plug into a fresh game folder and see whats in there. it was all stuff i downloaded to save while i was in college and not able to play but didn’t want to lose or forget.
i’ll tag: @charmandersims, @holleyberry, @ove51, @simmer-until-tender, @lurking-lilibeth, @andrevasims, @lifetime-want, @simoleontree, @grilledcheese-aspiration, and anyone else who wants to participate!
#i really do miss playing and the community#i hope one day to be able to be a little more active again#i hope everyone is well!#i saw a couple of older names pop up again#which is amazing!
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20 questions writer meme.
Thanks @jaggededges123 for tagging me
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
currently 181 (I deleted bunch of fics this year)
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
358, 578 at the moment (see above)
3. What fandoms do you write for?
mostly danmei and cdramas: svsss, mdzs, tgcf, nirvana in fire, qianqiu, the sleuth of the ming dynasty, devil venerable also wants to know, sk8, stranger things, erha, word of honor, guardian
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Worth More than Silver and Jade, moshang dragon au, 2.5k
One More For Dinner, hualian + baby wwx modern au, 700w
Late Night Discoveries, moshang modern au, 800w
Softness Stirring in the Heart Despite the Awful Clamor, bingjiu canon divergent au, 4.8k
Reward, bingqiu pwp, 1.3k
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
hmmm well... my social battery for fandom has dipped considerably in the past year or so, making it hard to think of what to say besides "thanks!". of course this means I have an enormous backlog of read and appreciated comments without a response😥
6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
The Journey Home, The Hollow Victory or Hold the Horrors Close with Both Hands
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
a much harder thing to pick than angst, A Chance to Have More I guess??
8. Do you get hate on fics?
yeah but far less than you'd expected for what I write. maybe 3 or 4?
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
yes and all kinds: tender, noncon, horror, comedy, angsty
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
sometimes. I usually only do it with characters belonging to the same creator but from different media
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not to my knowledge
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
yes, I was asked to translate my fics into russian a few times
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
no, I don't really think that would work for me?
14. What's your all-time favorite ship?
inapplicable to me, I'm too much of a multishipper
15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
my subs would hate to hear this but prob the mpreg moshang longfic. I originally wrote it for a big bang that I dropped and the current chapters were all pre-written. very dubious if I'll ever feel motivated to finish it
16. What are your writing strengths?
I'm told my characterizations are spot on
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
dialogue and word variation
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
as long as you know the language, it should be fine. I try to avoid it for obvious reasons
19. First fandom you wrote for?
um slayers(anime)? sailor moon? all my old fics were deleted by one purge or another, I cannot remember them at all now
20. Favorite fic you've written?
the fic I deleted
I'll tag @tehri, @crimsonrainseekingflower, anyone else who feels like it
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I feel like ranting. Since it's personal and not everyone may care, it's under Read More
I wonder if we are not a society that more readily accepts misery rather than joy.
For a few weeks now, I've started a job at a bookstore. I absolutely love it. There are a few struggles as I'm accommodating to standing so much and sometimes the hearing issues make it harder - but nothing I cannot stand. The actual part of the job, the main things: arranging books and talking to clients and talking to my colleagues, even the fact I go to work physically and is not from home is a plus for me.
The main downside is the salary, as I'd known. It's the minimum wage and is, frankly, at the limit of survivable. I can pay rent, utilities, some other thing I have to pay to and that's pretty much it. Does it suck? Yeah.
But still, not as much as working a corporate job. It was giving me literally all the mental health issues+ physical issues and it was not what was good to me.
And yet, my closest family... they act like they expect me to get running. Or I don't know how to put it. My older sister told me that she understands, and is happy for me, but I'll have to see in a few months if I won't get bored of it and of the routine. (The former jobs were way more of a routine than the actual ones are!) My dad asked me about the money instantly. Even some close friends of mine urged me at the beginning that working for a bookstore on a smaller salary will pose difficulties for me. (One of them is likely to read this. Bro, just so you know, I'm not shaming you or trying to vague blog. I'm just... making a point here I think.) I know their worries are well founded. Poverty is really harmful, living on a small salary and having no money can make you miserable. I suppose it is up to me to see what is more harmful, a job that I love on a smaller salary or a job that I dislike on a bigger salary.
But the point is...I don't know, it's tiring. If I complain about money sometimes, it's only because I am honest with my worries - I may very well not do that anymore to my family if it is going to stop them from looking at me like they're waiting for me to realize how horrible it is. Them saying that I'll see in a few months if I still like the job, as if I'm some idealistic 18 years old who thinks all is perfect. I went to corporate jobs because I feared being a dumb idealistic person and it was miserable. So I guess I'll just be a dumb idealistic person that is slightly happier with life and just accept and enjoy it.
I like it now, is that not what it matters? If I will not like it in 3-5-10 months, I will probably go, why does that matter? It feels like they're waiting for me to fail.
I know they aren't. They love me, they're worried for me and they ultimately mean well. Money makes world go round, and all that. But maybe if I make a life that I like living I won't need so much money to distract myself from the things I don't like about it. Is it idealistic? Probably. You never know when a health crisis can appear. You never know when an accident appears or a natural disaster, or like...anything that requires money. However, it still feels worth it.
Fuck it dude, if I die, I die. I want to at least leave a life I loved living.
Today I thought a lot about Mary Oliver's poem Journey
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For the past few years I’ve been making posts on New Year’s Eve about my life, so… gotta keep the tradition alive I guess!
Some things I accomplished this year:
Another year of maintaining my Duolingo streak. I’m still not confident in speaking Spanish but I feel like I’m making progress understanding it.
Paid off all of my credit card debt. I’m very proud of this one because I’ve been in debt since I turned 18 and got my first credit card, and I thought it was just a fact of life, but it didn’t have to be!
Saved up $10k for… idk, part of a down payment, day care costs for whenever I finally decide to have a kid, whatever! The world is my oyster.
Developed a healthier relationship with food. My weight loss goals ultimately didn’t pan out, I only lost 20lbs and gained some of that back over the holiday months, but I feel good about my mental progress.
Started exercising more. I joined the local Y and attended a variety of classes that I really enjoy going to, and I walked outside a lot when the weather was nice. I even hiked a couple of times! Which was a big deal for me considering how out of shape I was and how little confidence I had in myself.
Highlights of the year:
Going to Colorado!!! Absolutely my favorite thing about 2022 was the South Park 25th Anniversary Concert and the whole trip surrounding that, from visiting Fairplay, to eating fancy food at Wolf’s Tailor in Denver, to hiking up to Hanging Lake. Even standing in the merch line in the blazing hot sun for hours at Red Rocks had its moments. I definitely want to go back after Casa Bonita reopens in May.
Reconnecting with a friend who ended up becoming one of the people I spent the most time with in the back half of 2022. Going walking together and doing Y classes, having House of the Dragon watch parties, dinners and drinks… it’s just been really great having her around this year!
Hiking a full mountain to see the foliage. It was a small mountain in the grand scheme of things, but I still felt accomplished!
Just generally going out and doing things more, socializing and being active and not worrying so much about money. It put a dent into how much I’ve been able to save but you know what?? Worth it.
In general this year was a good one. I’m still miserable working at my waitressing job, but it’s necessary to be able to save money. Work in my career is going well, though - I feel like I connect with the kids even though I’m constantly worrying I’m not doing enough there. My mental health has been pretty stable, some hiccups here and there but nothing drastic. And my cats are doing great, thankfully! I even went on a date to end the year and I’m seeing her again tomorrow!
Goals for 2023:
Another year of Duolingo.
Save another $10k.
Get in better shape before summer so I can do more difficult hikes.
Lose weight… I should stop putting this as a goal but it’s tradition at this point.
Read more books!!
Practice drawing more often.
And on that note…
Happy New Year!
I truly hope that 2023 is good to all of you!
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Very long and self-centered work rant incoming.
I know I've referenced a few things about what a hard and weird time it is at work and honestly I've only said about 5% of the truth of what all I'm carrying and that is going on. The ambiguity around what happens w/ my role, in particular, is killing me. I'm not at risk of losing my job, but a major leadership transition is looming and it's all very confusing. The cut to the chase is that I don't know what my role actually is in the new FY, which starts in 3 weeks now. It's a total shit show and in the process, I've discovered that I could be making almost twice what I make now at different nonprofits in fundraising, in positions that carry about 1/3 the responsibility and weight of other people's roles/livelihoods, etc. (It really is true when you are someone who STAYS you get penalized financially.)
I've loved this mission and this team for nearly 14 years now but IDK how much longer I can wait through all this bullshit. Someone I know from the Austin nonprofit world reached out to me to offer me free career coaching bc she's getting her certification and needs guinea pigs and I don't mind being one because I just need HELP and some outside perspective on what I actually want to do as I am 18 years into my nonprofit career at this point.
At our last session she asked me if I ever think about what's best for me instead of constantly focusing in on what's best for this organization and like I knew that's a problem for me but I didn't KNOW-know it until she said it. It's sitting really heavy for me.
I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I'm going to for a second. I'm really good at my job. Like REALLY REALLY GOOD. Like award winning in my industry good. Like has a reputation as one of the few very healthy mangers/team leads of nonprofit fundraising in Austin good. (All 3 of my current direct reports at different times have told me they'll also plan their exits when I go, and I've successfully retained all of them for 5-10 years depending on when they joined.) Like have been attempted headhunted many times but haven't ever wanted to leave this mission before good. Like I wanted to see what's out there that may want me, and I've gotten 3 interviews w/in 2-3 days of contacting some recruiters or putting my resume out there good.
And it's all just making me so fucking sad because I don't WANT to leave, but I DO want to feel appreciated and seen and make the kind of money my peers are, for doing FAR FAR less work....or to at least feel as recognized by my current employer as I do these prospective new ones for how obviously awesome and valuable I am.
I've always been an authority-pleaser (ugh abuse baggage.) I've damaged myself tenaciously reaching goals that were too much, too hard, etc. I've been working now for 25 years in some form or another and I'm consistently told I'm a top performer...so why don't I feel like it here and now??? I started working as a babysitter and tutor when I was like 13, and I began pulling down "real" paychecks when I turned 16. Across the dozens of jobs I've had, I've never had a single corrective action taken against me...I've never been written up or fired. I barely have any listed areas of "needs improvement" on any of my reviews across ALL TIME. I don't say all of this because it's how i believe employees should act, but because I just want to paint a picture for you as to what a dream I am to have on a team because my sense of self-worth has been toxicly linked to what I do/produce and if I can get an A, and if the teacher/boss/lead loves me, since Day 1.
And HEY KIDS, GUESS WHAT??? It hasn't been worth it!!!!!
Thankfully, I do get to take care of myself fairly well in my current organization's culture and I do take time off and I don't have to pull crazy hours. But I also carry and "produce" and take care of way more than anyone else in my side of the org. Way more than anyone SHOULD. It's been admitted to me several times by leadership that I am "the agency's most precious human resource" (even if they don't make me feel that way by how I'm compensated or treated when it comes to this ambiguity.) But carrying this much means I've probably had 2-3 true incidents of burnout w/ my org in the pushing 14 years I've been with them, but I always somehow found a way to recover and get back to happiness or at least contentment.
I'm not sure if that's possible for me now, and it's largely due to the fact that our board doesn't know what they're doing and they are torturing someone who they really really depend on for the agency to stay afloat w/ unnecessary ambiguity. I'm drowning in the ambiguity.
#mine#work complaining#personal#turning off reblogs ofc. but as a reminder a ❤️ to me always = a lil sign of support#nonprofit life
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Its 1AM go to bed
Kinda just sitting here when I really should be in bed, but I’m too busy looking over a 4 year degree for cybersecurity or com sci software engineer idfk-
I don’t doubt I have the brain to fully make the transition from graphic design to com sci or something, but my god... Math is truly going to be the killer. I haven’t done ANY kind of algebra in about... gosh. Maybe a few years shy of a decade??
That’s going to be the biggest time and money waster. I don’t know if anything I did in community college is going to account for at least some of the more Gen Ed things, I’ll have to speak to a councilor about that. I ordered some extra sealed transcripts as well just in case.
No shame in starting over I guess. It’s crazy how we expect kids straight out of highschool to just hit the books hard some more to get that ‘good job’ they always told us about. My brain was fucking fried by the time I turned 18. I was sick of school, I didn’t want to be there and I had absolutely no plan. Didn’t know what I was going to do for a job. Graphic Designer is too broad for me, I need something way more specialized and something that’s going to be needed severely in the future. And computers are pretty much the only thing I care about/have interest in.
I dunno it just...
Feels weird that I have to start over in a way? This pandemic did a lot of damage everywhere though. Many folks have had to reinvent themselves n try something else, and really after this big move halfway across the whole country I’m not going to find a better chance. I have money saved up from my safety net, but I don’t know if that’s gonna be enough to solidly pay for a whole bachelors. It would be NICE! Certainly! I’m extremely hesitant about loans for obvious reasons. I don’t like that sword hanging over my head.
Just a whole lot to think about. I’m not thirty yet (almost though!) and really, age is just a number. If I gotta be in my mid thirties or whatever by the time I get a stupid degree actually worth something, just so I can secure a job that can pay a mortgage and allow me to live comfortably? It will have been worth it.
Sadly I am extremely allergic to hard work (so I say. I think it’s more how I feel, I’ll still saddle up but my god will I be dragging my feet), so I hope I don’t just collapse in the middle and want to quit.
I don’t think I will. Failure is not an option. It never was. I’ve always done very well in school, and I have no reason to doubt I will do well again. Maybe even moreso, coming at it with an older mind and much more experience than before.
It’s very difficult for me to not feel so hghnnghhgh about potentially wasting my time relearning math and other subjects I ain’t seen in a long time, but...if it’s what I have to do then so be it. I’ll figure something out.
It’s stressful just imagining it all right now but...
Kind of exciting too. Whatever happens it’ll be ok. Somehow.
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