#tw homicidal ideation | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iwillbreakyourfuckingskull · 2 months

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Kinda uhhh realising maybe it's not normal to masturbate while having daydreams about being violently abused to death when you're like 4 years old every night before bed. Maybe it is not normal that some of your earliest memories are of you lying still with your eyes open and holding your breath seeing how dead you can be in your bed after imaging yourself being murdered. Maybe it's not normal when strange men walk up to your mom after you did belly dancing for a school play when you were 7 to tell her how great you were at it and how you were so captivating. And for my mom to brag about me appealing to a strange father like that. And for her mom to brag about it too. How I was so charming and beautiful and smart and a natural performer. How I was groomed by my own grandma for her own sadistic pleasures of manipulating children into doing what she wanted. A little song bird in its cage. A puppy doing tricks for its family. A child wanting to be loved by being useful to their family. A sister wanting to take on the burden of being the perfect doll to protect her younger siblings without even understanding that that was what she was doing. A little girl acting without even thinking. Just going along as if she didn't have free will. Just like a robot doing what it was built to do when you press the button. Don't think. Just do. Don't think. Just. Do.

I am so overwhelmed. I am fatigued. I feel so isolated and lonely. I cant tell anyone I know. I dont have many clear memories. My body remembers, but what precisely it's reliving, I don't know. Im scared to know. I want her dead

#tw csa #tw inc*st #tw sa #csa victim #csa survivor #tw hypersexual #tw sui ideation #csa vent #tw homicidal ideation #levi.speaking #my.posts

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screahms · 3 months

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*puts axe in your hand*

why are you hitting yourself? why are you hitting yourself? why are you

#tw murder #tw mutilation #dark humour tw #dark humor #dark humour #cw: gore #tw g0re #mine #tw homicidal ideation #romantic homicide #homicidal ideation #screahms

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us-costco-official · 3 months

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i dont struggle with homicidal thoughts, no, i’d say im pretty good at those ! :)

#tw homicidal ideation #kind of #from the shelves of costco #this is ! joke ! guys #but i mean.#iykyk i suppose i’ve talked to some people about it lmao

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traumatizedjaguar · 2 years

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Until there’s nothing left.

#traumacore edit #angercore #tw trauma edits #tw abuse edits #paincore #ventcore #my trauma edits #traumatizedjaguar #tw bullying #tw bullies #actually bullied #tw #picture of little boy on top of another little boy beating his head in bc he was being bullied and needed to let out his homicidal rage #tw homicidal ideation #tw sui ideation

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caspersickfanfics · 1 month

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Trigger warnings: extreme angst! discussions of torture, homicidal/suicidal urges, death/murder, extreme violence (all in a fictional context)

I've been having some Thoughts about Tighnari getting kidnapped and tortured but like. It's not your typical torture set-up. He gets drugged with something that makes him want to hurt and kill anyone he comes into contact with, and it escalates with his emotional reaction to the person. So he's more cruel with people he's closer to.

The rest under the cut since this is out of my typical range and I'm sure not everyone will enjoy this kind of thing. If I actually wrote this fic I am sure I would include some emeto because I am me, after all, but it wouldn't be the focus unlike most of my stuff.

Basically: evil Tighnari

And then!! *rubs hands together evilly* Cyno/Kaveh/Alhaitham come to "save" him not knowing what's gone on. Cue them getting caught off guard, seriously wounded and still trying to fight him so that they can help him. But they're at a disadvantage because they're all reluctant to hurt him. Anyway this all culminates in Cyno having to one-on-one Tighnari because the other two are knocked out or getting help. Tighnari snaps out of it briefly and suddenly it's all worse because it's clear he's been fighting against it this whole time, and he's apologizing begging Cyno to kill him because he doesn't want to hurt anyone else. Cyno is exhausted and devastated and ultimately decides to go down with Tighnari, because he doesn't hve the energy for self-preservation when this is what's being asked of him, except something happens - Collei shows up and is in danger, maybe - and Cyno ends up fatally injuring Tighnari, entirely on instinct.

He's a mess for a handful of seconds, but then he realizes he can use his vision to jolt Tighnari back to life. And he does, but he was already severely wounded himself and it takes everything out of him. He pushes himself further anyway, because Tighnari still needs healing. Cyno needs to get him help. So he carries Tighnari to the Bimarstan. On the way, Tighnari wakes up in unimaginable amounts of pain and begs Cyno to take care of Collei. He passes out and Cyno thinks he might be dead but keeps going anyway out of sheer determination. They're both in really awful condition when someone finds them and actually gets them help.

Essentially just me torturing the entirety of the Sumeru gang, and especially CynoNari. They do get a happy ending though!!!

(If folks are interested in this, please let me know. I'm not sure if it will ever be written as a fic, since that would take me a significant amount of time and energy as it is so far out of my comfort zone, but the more I know that people want it, the more I will want to write it!)

#cas chats #tw homicidal ideation #tw suicidal ideation #tw angst #tw murder #tw death #tw torture #tw violence #to write #not sure if this is making sense i am /so/ sleep deprived #thinking about this got me through two long drives and now i'm stuck on it lol #i've never actually tried writing heavy angst before but #idk i might try...#cyno #tighnari #genshin impact #kaveh #alhaitham #collei

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pezpenser205 · 6 months

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i give psychotic/schizospec people a bad name because i Do actually want to murder people all the time.

not all of us are like this its just me seeing everything around me as a sign that im actually destined to become a killer of either other people or myself and hearing everything people around me say as some kind of meticulous jab against me crafted by the universe that controls the side characters in my life to make me specifically snap and kill people or myself. like the universe is Trying to Make Me a murderer and ruin my life forever or to force me to take my life from me. its like everything thats happening around me irl is Tailored to make me upset and agitated until it builds to the point i cant take it anymore.

im introspective and analytical enough to realize that all of the above is ridiculous but not logical or in control enough to not feel the emotions that would be associated with that situation and not consider my actions as if it were a real thing thats happening to me. like i specifically look for signs that its Not Real to ground myself but i just end up noticing proof that it is. idk i feel dangerous or like everybody around me is taunting me.

another big problem im having is the thought process "if its a delusion i wouldnt know im delusional so its not a delusion if im assuming it is so its actually happening rn" so is there a counter to that

#op #tw suicide mention #tw homicidal ideation #tw delusion #idk ask to tag

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rockydonetale · 3 months

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Post-DoneTale Frisk...

[Trigger warning! The follow image contains: healed cuts, scars, and visible bruises. Has text that mentions mental health issues and an ED, though nothing graphic about the image itself!]

LORE AND SCRIPT BENEATH CUT!

Rocky, the hunter of monsters...

___________________

(TW for (only mentioned!) AFRID, C-PTSD, trauma, other mental health issues, starvation, injury, illness, dying!)

SCRIPT (Which is HEAVILY edited from what's on the actual picture!)

Older Frisk: Age 15.

Always wears oversized patchwork jacket. (Though I didn't draw them wearing it for design purposes.)

Weapon of choice: Red scissors.

Omnisexual. They/Them/He. Agender.

Autistic. Dyslexic.

Wounds never fully heal, scars always remain between resets. White scars from Magic injuries. Redish scars from Physical injuries. Bruises still healing.

Personality much closer to Chara's. (Ironically it's Chara normally keeping them from genocide route.)

Outfit reflects Frisk and Chara from Undertale, and the SOULS.

Struggling with C-PTSD, ARFID, and other mental health issues.

SOUL is... missing something?

Multiverse traveler. (Each Reset, rather just dying or full reset, sends them to a new AU.)

Still reckless, but now add unsolved trauma and a hatred for Monsters.

Always cold. (Due to lack of nutrition.)

Always tired, yet rarely sleeps. (Insomnia.)

Gets ill/Sick easily.

Normally wears leggings and gloves as well.

Genuinely cruel to monsters, as in their timeline, monsters are the root to all their suffering and pain and war.... so on.

Similar to most Frisk's in the world, Chara haunts him. However, Chara is like, "Dude, chill the F out..."

Soul has returned to it's actual self, DETERMINATION. But, the middle of it is gray, due to Frisk not being... complete.

Only 4'2 due to lack of nutrition. (Wears platform boots to be taller!)

Random facts about them!

Has canonically lost the game to starvation three times.

Has a pet rock named 'Rune' (reference to Runo, even if they technically didn't meet in this timeline)

Eyes were originally green, due to eyes being known as the 'Window to the soul.' And green is the opposite of red, basically saying that Frisk was the opposite of who they thought he was...

Rocks rocks, a lot.

Hey, he might be homicidal to all monsters, but they still have a specific interest in rocks! (Geology)

All stats maxed out. (100 HP, 100 DF, 100 ATK, etc!)

Always carries a sewing kit in their jacket!

(ALL OF THIS WAS DRAWN AND MOSTLY WRITTEN BY COAUTHOR @thelunarsystemwrites!)

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ghost-of-a-slave · 2 months

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Attraction is not action. We all already know this if we're being truly genuine with ourselves. Attraction is feelings, actions is doing. I extend this personally to wants.

Somebody wanting to do something does not make them bad. What makes someone bad is the doing of an action that causes harm to another person with full awareness it will cause harm and full clarity of mind while doing the action.

My necrophilic disorder is not the same as me going out and desecrating a corpse. I fucking despise the people who chose to do such things and refuse to admit that they are in the wrong. It's horrible to do that to somebody who's passed on that would have never wanted that- it's bound to hurt the family of the living and depending on the religious beliefs held could be doing something horrible and causing harm- even further. We understand as humans that others religious beliefs hold a lot of weight and importance to them as such it is a necessity to honour them in order to negate harm (in cases where honouring others beliefs causes less harm than not honouring them if someone believes you must murder due to their religion for example- it should not be respected as there is far more harm in murdering another than religous punishment). My disorder comes from traumas I have endured and a forced mental association with death and sex. It is something I would NEVER act upon because I am not someone who is currently evil or in need of redemption. (Where I do bad and fail at being a good person is in interpersonal relationships and lashing out when triggered- it is nowhere near the level of harm that these actions would cause).

My issues with homicidal ideation in part due to my ASPD do not necessitate that I go out and murder somebody either. People understand with suicidal ideation that it doesn't always mean you will actually act on and commit suicide. The risk may exist but the majority of people who deal with it don't go out and do it. And yes, there is far more wrong with killing another than killing oneself but the same basic mechanics are behind both. Even if I at times genuinely want to kill somebody I will never do so because my morals and better judgement tell me to do so would be wrong on every level. I am capable of wanting without action, I am capable of desire and feeling while knowing such desires are irrational or harmful if acted out. I am capable of choosing to not do harm.

People are just scared of admitting that attraction, desire, and want does not force people into action because it requires accepting that the people who have hurt you in the past chose to do that harm. That they even if they had desires had every opportunity to never hurt you the way they did and they decided to hurt you anyways. It's helplessness at the reality that one cannot control the actions of others. A true helplessness that is known quite well by existentialism.

It's okay to be scared of this it's okay to be upset and terrified. It's not okay to take it out on others.

#pro para #para safe #paraphile safe #paraphiles please interact #attraction not action #attraction is not action #philosophy #mental health #tw sui ideation #tw homicidal ideation #ideation tw

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dark4pink · 2 months

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Second week being an internet in a mental clinic and I'm so fucking close to kill my classmates, or maybe light myself on fire, that would be less painful than dealing with this people

#地雷女 #地雷系 #landmine girl #地雷系女子 #jirai kei #jirai girl #landmine kei #vent #jiraiblogging #college vent #tw homicidal ideation #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent #tw anger issues

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sotogalmo · 2 months

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7:51

Some hcs for CC (mostly projection<3):

C.C in a sense is used to death. He's used to talking about death. His father talks about, his brother, his mother(? if he does remember her), and maybe his sister. They talk about death like it's a scary thing..but he's somewhat fine with it. It's another stage of life (but he's also, of course, scared of it as well. He's human <- that's what he's been saying to himself as long as he was alive. "I'm human. I'm human. Emotions are a human thing, so that means I'm human"). And he knows that memories last so much longer then the body does.

CC doesn't care about gender<3. But kinda does at the same time. Toxic masculinity and such- the year he was around for were not good for him

C.C (going with the hc that William first started killing with dead animals), has seen dead bodies(or mainly blood & gore. Never the body itself: due to FNAF4, and some lines from that game). Just dead animal bodies. He blames himself for what his father has done. And his father knows that he saw (also going with the midnight motorist game, of CC being the runaway kid + the idea that C.C knows more than anyone let's on). But he regrets it so much, & stays so so quiet about it. So the others don't know? Or maybe only one doesn't know. CC doesn't bother with that fact though, since he's alone & knows much more then they think he does. And maybe since he knows how rotting works, maybe that's why his nightmares have holes/some parts that are missing

C.C has had thoughts of homicide & suicide. It goes both ways(to himself/others(suicide/seeing one's suicide) & others(homicide)). But he doesn't act on them. He never would. He just thinks & then forgets about it. That's the way he copes, and it's helpful to him. He can forget about it(only for a little bit. He can't escape it though. His brother is here, his father might be coming back later: no doubt hiding some dead bodies of animals. He can't stop feeling angry at everything & everyone).

Since he's too much of a coward to do any actual self harm(or self harm that is very visible & worthy of medical needs). He does some bruises on his legs(already can get cover up quick, and no one really cares about him). Many reasons why he does this (to feel something, punish himself: when he's already punished, I feel like it gets worse when he's locked inside his room(he's able to leave when he says he's sorry & wont do it again & he knows what he did is wrong & he's going to listen), release overwhelming emotions: anger - pulling hair, and to block memories as best as he can: slapping himself). But bruises are the main route he goes with

Whenever he was emotional or close to saying anything about himself("failure", "robot", etc). He would sometimes be compared to Bon's Burgers(if Fazbear Entertainment(but nothing bad happens) exists in TWF then BonsBurgers(but nothing bad happens) exists in FNAF. To me)'s animatronics. In the sense that he's very similar to how they are programmed?? I dunno. I like to think that Fazbear Ent. made personality for the characters, and while BonsBurgers did as well I like to think it was very minimal. Not much but simple lines, yk? And CC does a lot of the same thing: crying, blaming, etc. on loop and on loop and on loop and on loop. Everytime something goes down / he's also semi-compared to Felix(here he gets over his addiction), only when he was like, the drunk sad man at bars.

CC thinks that Felix is like him due to that information. But Felix got over his addiction and here CC is.

Forgotten.

Dead.

Just numb.

He feels cold.

He wants to be happy like Felix is.

Why can't he?

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 3 months

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Tw intrusive thoughts about hurting people and harm happening to family members

Right so idk where else to ask this so I'm here lol. Are intrusive thoughts still intrusive if they don't bother you anymore? I still get thoughts about physically hurting people. I have absolutely no intention of acting on them and I recognise that they're just thoughts and don't make me a bad person, but they just don't bother me anymore. To make it more confusing I do still have other intrusive thoughts that do bother me! Most common being something bad happening to my mum

Hey anon,

I'm not sure that intrusive thoughts must bother you in order to be considered intrusive thoughts. You can learn to tolerate, accept, or live with intrusive thoughts without being bothered by them. So based on that logic I would say they could still be considered intrusive thoughts, but others are welcome to weigh in. I'm glad to hear they don't bother you and I hope you're doing alright. Our inbox is open to you if you need anything.

-Bun

#trauma talks #tw homicidal ideation

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openheartsurgeryonghosts · 5 months

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I like to think there's a special kind of anger that comes with my sadness. When I'm sad, I'm not "I wanna kill myself" sad, I'm "I want to die, so everyone else has to die as well, society cannot continue without me."

If I'm not happy, if I'm not finding anything simple and easy and want to just dissapear from existence, everyone else has to dissapear along with me. I fantasize about blowing up the world because I see absolutely no point in living just to live. I do nothing, I sit on my couch, dissociating to the sounds of the tv, waiting for something to happen.

But I want to do more so bad it makes me angry. Why can't I just have gotten good grades in school? Why couldn't I have gotten into a good university, studying to become someone amazing, someone renowned in my career? It all seems unfair. If I don't get to become someone important and seen, what's even the point of it all.

It's unfair that none of this easy.

#vent post #tw sucidal ideation #tw homicidal ideation #actually dpdr #actually npd #npd safe #npd #actually cluster b #actually narcissistic

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snixx · 3 months

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kavya?? no, kaevyes 😎🗡

#get it. like kay. vy. a- *GUNSHOTS*#this is so bad I'm sorry. im dying trying to catch up on 4 lectures for my math quiz tomorrow. while I'm in in my dsa class #yes were gonna have a dsa quiz and a graded lab in like ten minutes. idc #girlblogging.pdf #tw homicidal ideation #kaevyass???#i am an ass #ok bye I'll get back to studying

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iwillbreakyourfuckingskull · 4 months

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When your psychiatrist says that there's no more available treatment options for you left in this country

#fucking hate this country and every single politician and psych worker #so yall didnt do shit to save me from my family and now you have no help for me?#how i love having a complex trauma disorder <3333 #fuck this shit #they are lucky im not the only guy in this body #levi.speaking #my.posts #psych critical #tw homicidal ideation #tw violence #tw violent imagery #tw violent thoughts

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traumatizedjaguar · 3 days

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Control and manipulation over a person is a form of bullying known as antagonism/antagonization.

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soberqueerinthewild · 14 days

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Just randomly remembered the boss I had when I was 22 (technically she was my boss’s boss’s boss actually) who was helping me develop a plan for an extremely difficult client (who I was struggling working with to the point where I was having recurring dreams of him killing me primarily because he used to tell me a lot that he was having homicidal thoughts about me)

Anyways, in trying to help me be less distressed while working with this client, she told me that her ex husband once told her “I can’t make you feel anything” and though he was terrible she said he was right about that and we have control over how someone makes us feel. And now reflecting on this, I just want to tell her, no baby girl he was not right, he was probably a gaslighting jackass who made you doubt your own experience so he wouldn’t have to take accountability for his behavior.

I did quit that job shortly thereafter and have no idea what that woman is doing now but I hope she isn’t giving that same advice to other unsuspecting 22 year olds

#random ramblings #tw mental illness #tw homicidal ideation

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