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prodigal-explorer · 10 months

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anaroceit week - day four - it's alright

@anaroceitweek

prompt: rom-com/everyone is trans

relationship: platonic (could be interpreted as romantic/pining) anaroceit

word count: 1.7k

(cw -> transphobic parents, self-hatred, gender dysphoria)

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“I thought we told you to stop using that name with your teachers.”

Janus froze as he watched his parents scroll through his computer, unable to move as he did nothing but stare. He should have known not to leave his screen open while getting a glass of water. By now, he should have learned that his parents didn’t consider Janus deserving of any sort of privacy.

“I did stop,” Janus lied through his teeth. “Mr. Diaz just forgot, that’s all. He’s really forgetful sometimes.”

“What made you even come up with such a dumb name anyway?” Janus’ father asked, poison in his voice. “Janus. The name we gave you is much more beautiful.”

“Maybe I don’t want beautiful,” Janus muttered. “Maybe I just want something that’s me.”

“Your melodramatics are getting old,” Janus’ mother said. “You’re seventeen years old. You need to start acting like an adult. I don’t care what your silly little friends are doing, ruining their bodies and their reputations with all this stupid, disgusting, “trans” stuff. But you aren’t getting pulled down with them. They’re never coming over here again.”

Janus flinched, but upon hearing his mother's words, an idea popped into his head, and he looked over at his window. No, he tried to tell himself. Too risky.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said. “Can I please finish my homework? It’s due at midnight tonight.”

“If this happens again, your laptop is being taken,” Janus’ father warned. “You can do your schoolwork the old fashioned way. That’s how your mother and I did it, and we turned out just fine.”

With that, they left, and Janus was finally able to breathe again. He went and deleted the email from Mr. Diaz after reading its contents, and then deleted everything else in which he was called by his true name. As Janus watched his deadname flash across the screen more times than he could count, he started to feel a deep, unstoppable self-hatred collect in his stomach.

This wasn’t fair.

He tried so hard to be who his parents wanted while also being who he truly was. But the two things were impossible to balance, and Janus was starting to wonder if he would have to just pick one. There was no way to make everybody, including himself, happy, and maybe it was time to just stop trying. It was getting too hard to hold everything together; to keep every secret and hide every bit of contraband.

Before Janus could stop himself, he found himself tearing his pillowcase off his pillow, shoving a toothbrush, his meds, and his most masculine set of pajamas in. Today, after all, was definitely a masculine day, much to his parents’ disappointment. Sure, Janus didn’t mind presenting as feminine sometimes, but honestly, he felt much more at home when he was able to shift and transition how he presented depending on what made him feel the most euphoric on any given day. And the least dysphoric. That part was important too.

The last thing Janus grabbed was hidden at the bottom of his closet, underneath his bin where he kept his socks: his pronoun pins. The ones he grabbed to wear said “He/Him”, but he took the other two just in case he felt the need to change it out at some point.

It wasn’t like Janus to go to anybody’s house without texting first, but this was an emergency. After a very risky adventure of climbing out the window and jumping into the nearest bush, Janus was off to the Mendozas. He was just desperate to clear his head and get one night away from his control freak parents. He needed to be somewhere where he could just be himself, without being scared to death of being discovered.

And the Mendoza house was the best place Janus could think of to do just that.

Carla had told Janus that he was free to come over whenever he wanted. God, he hoped that she wasn’t just being polite. Carefully, and starting to regret such an impulsive decision, Janus knocked on the door with a timid reluctance.

It wasn’t Carla or Remus who opened the door. Of course it had to be Roman’s bright, shiny eyes that looked into his and his goofy smile that appeared when he realized that it was Janus he was looking at.

“Janus!” Roman cried out, “Oh my gosh, are you here for a sleepover?? No way, I was just thinking about inviting you and Virgil over! I would invite Logan too, but tonight’s star-gazing night, and I wouldn’t wanna distract them from that.”

“True,” Janus hummed nervously, shifting weight between his right and left, causing him to sway awkwardly. “So…does that mean it’s okay for me to come over for the night?”

“Of course!” Roman said, “Come in, come in! You can put on a movie in the living room if you want.”

A smile grew on Janus’ face. He loved movies, especially when he was watching them with Roman and Virgil.

“I might just have to take you up on that,” Janus teased softly, ruffling Roman’s hair before going to sit down on the familiar couch.

Carla was sitting on the recliner, typing on her laptop. She smiled kindly at Janus, and the action made Janus feel a hundred times calmer, somehow. Carla always seemed to have that effect on people, and it was mystifying how she did it. But at the same time, it made perfect sense. Janus figured that anybody who stepped up to the plate of being Roman and Remus’ foster mother had to have some tricks up their sleeve when it came to comforting. Though Roman came across as fearless, Janus was one of the only people who Roman allowed to see in his most vulnerable, fear-stricken moments of honesty, and he was certain that Carla had seen even more than Janus had.

Curling up into a ball, hugging his knees to his chest, Janus picked up the remote and surfed through all the different streaming surfaces. Rom-coms were a guilty pleasure of Janus, and a very un-guilty pleasure of Roman’s, so Janus figured that it was a safe genre choice. When he finally settled on Candy Jar, Roman came over to sit next to him, but he gave Janus a decent amount of space, clearly unsure of how close Janus was comfortable with him being.

“Virgil said he can stay the night too!” Roman disclosed with a grin, rocking back and forth on the couch while swinging his legs. “It’ll be the best sleepover ever.”

“Yeah,” Janus said, starting to relax just a little more. “The best.”

He pressed start on the movie, but didn’t let it play, wanting to wait until Virgil came around. His stomach was still tumbling, thinking about the inevitable flurry of phone calls and text messages he would get from his parents when they found out that he was gone. Luckily, Janus wasn’t ever dumb enough to tell them Roman’s address. If they tried looking for him, they wouldn’t even know where to start. But even so, the thought of seeing their faces, hearing his deadname get spat at him like venom, made Janus want to curl up into the blanket Roman had passed to him and hide inside forever.

An arm looped around Janus’ shoulders, squeezing him ever so gently, and reminding him that he wasn’t there. Roman didn’t have to ask. He was the first to admit that he wasn’t the smartest, but in a way, he was. He got people in a way that Janus could never understand. It wasn’t exactly like he could read their minds, but he always seemed to have a trick up his sleeve to make everyone in the room happy. Maybe it was just a part of who he was, or maybe it was something he carefully practiced. Either way, Janus closed his eyes, trying to bask in Roman’s warm existence.

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. Janus jumped, and Roman leapt to his feet to get it. Virgil bumbled his way into the living room, his body hunched over and his eyes vacant and tired. Janus sat upright immediately, leaning forward on the couch to try and get a better look.

“Virgil, are you okay?” he asked. “You look horrible!”

“It’s- fine…” Virgil mumbled, sitting down beside Janus, still holding his stomach. His ears were tinged red. “It’s nothing. Reall- ow. Oww, fuck-...”

“Did you get stabbed??”

“No!” Virgil cried out, finally tearing his hands away from his stomach. Perfectly devoid of injury. “I’m just on.”

Janus’ eyes widened in understanding, and then softened in pity. He knew how hard this time was for Virgil, and really, for all three of them, it was challenging. Janus could say he was lucky because he sometimes felt feminine during these days, while Roman and Virgil had no source of euphoria anywhere, knowing that their bodies were betraying them, and doing something that didn’t match who they truly were. It was hard to even think about, much less endure and talk about.

“I’ll get you a heating pad and some chocolate,” Roman said. “Do you want the racecar one?”

Virgil groaned before nodding. “Yes please,” he mumbled through gritted teeth.

The racecar heating pad at this point was a Mendoza family tradition. Roman used it for his cramps, and Virgil and Janus eventually started using it for theirs too. Silly as it was, it made the whole ordeal feel just a little less dysphoric and a lot more lighthearted. Janus pressed play on the movie as soon as Roman came back with the warm heating pad and a big bowl of fun-sized chocolates.

“Ugh, I hate rom-coms,” Virgil joked, wrinkling his nose in mock disgust. “They all have the exact same plot.”

“No, this one’s different, I swear!” Janus reassured. “It’s funny. You’ll like it.”

“Both of you be quiet, I wanna hear the movie!” Roman cried out with a laugh, resting his head on Janus’ shoulder.

Maybe things sucked right now, and Janus didn’t even want to think about what it would be like at home tomorrow after sneaking out. But at least in this moment, it was alright. Roman’s arm went around Janus once again, and the heat from Virgil’s heating pad warmed Janus’ leg, and Janus had forgotten how good Milky Ways were since his parents never allowed candy in the house.

And Virgil’s cramps were killing him, and it was obvious that Roman was worried sick.

Things weren’t perfect. But they were alright. And that was good enough for Janus.

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fossilizedhysterics · 1 month

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sanders sides beach episode when

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tangerineseed · 1 month

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Recognition of the self ^_^

#trans #transgender #idk what else #um #self portrait #janus

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januscorner · 7 hours

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Why I think Holyghost is T4T

So we know Grace’s mother respects trans people as she uses Ziggs’s proper pronouns, so it’s not to much of a stretch they’d accept a trans daughter. Grace’s main colors are Pink, Blue, and White (the colors of the trans flag) to the point where she even colors her sign that way

We don’t know that much about Max’s personal life however we can peace some stuff together. We know he has a bad relationship with his dad referencing his dad calling him “a little cuck” maybe because he doesn’t accept him, his reference to Judas likely means his family is Christian only adding to it (obviously not all Christians are transphobes but a good amount of transphobes are Christian)

He seems to be friends with Steph or at least former friends, telling her to get behind him at the Old Waylon Place and offering to protect her. While obviously guys and girls can be friends they’re relationship to me at least reads as childhood girlfriends after one transitioned (from my own personal experience as a trans guy) Also adding to the betrayal and him calling her Judas.

And finally Max’s over performance of masculinity. Max is stereotypical toxic masculinity in human/ghost form. I think it at least started as overcompensating so people see him as a boy although soon after he just went mad with power. Pete mentions knowing him sense the fourth grade, Hatchetfield is a small town so while there are a few different schools a lot of the people at Hatchetfield High probably knew him before he transitioned and maybe even told the people who didn’t. It’s really hard to get people who knew you before you transitioned, especially cis people, to see you as your gender. So Max becomes the epitome of toxic masculinity, they have to see him as a guy now. Plus it’s pretty common for AFAB trans people to lean hard into masculinity at the start of their transition regardless of how they actually want to look.

Also us seeing Max shirtless doesn’t mean anything sense it’s all in Grace’s head, Grace might not even be aware Max is trans (after all who would tell her she doesn’t have friends)

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where-are-the-spooky-gays-2 · 9 days

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*materializes into existence*

I've been inspired by 👑 anon talkin' about trans!Virgil, and so I present to you... transfemme!Remus.

This is all in a highschool au setting bc Brainrot (lol).

Remus, who keeps her name but usually goes by "Re" or "Rem" bc well her closest friends and her brother call her that anyway. Rem that's like "gender is a fuckin' puddle on the damn floor, it spilled and it's sticky and it get fuckin' everywhere like juice and glitter" and dresses whatever fuckin' way they want to (which can be inconsistent styles). Rem who feels she/they is the best fit for them. Rem who has a very supportive twin brother, and Roman's first question when she came out to him was "Can I still call you Re?" and Rem was like "yeah :,)" and thus some happy tears from Rem because, oh hey my brother's really there for me oh oh okay, akdjasdasjd.

Rem who has a very supportive and chill-about-gender-because-screw-gender-roles type of boyfriend.

Virgil is that boyfriend who gives a death glare to anyone who even looks like they're about to be mean to his partner about her being trans. He went on anxious autopilot once when Rem wasn't feeling well and asked them if they needed period stuff. It took both of them a second to be like "wait" and they laughed about it bc Rem doesn't get periods nor have they ever gotten them. Virgil is that boyfriend who sees Rem in literally anything and gets this lil awkward blush. His joyfriend is pretty and he is very queer, thank you very much. Rem always teases him when he blushes at her, but she feels secure in the fact that her partner finds her pretty in anything she chooses to wear.

Omg, the amount of fuckin' jokes Rem would make out of being trans. They won't ever stop. They see a semi-truck on the road that has the "trans-" prefix in its name and makes a joke out of it. Roman and Virgil will laugh and snort and snicker with her about it. Trans jokes are fuckin' hilarous (says a trans person), especially when you're making it with fellow trans peeps (*cough cough* trans/nonbinary!Janus is here too *cough cough*).

When Rem is feeling dysphoric, or when she sees herself in the mirror and can only see a him staring back and it feels off? Well, ya see, their brother is always there for them when they're feeling low or bad. They're twins; they've been through thick and thin, even through all of their arguments and bickering, they always make sure the other knows they won't leave. And of course Virgil is there for his wonderful girlfriend and her friends (Janus, especially) are there within seconds. They've got an entire squad of supportive and genuinely caring people by their side.

Rem who likes being called partner/girlfriend but joyfriend is her favourite.

And so yeah: transfemme!Remus :3

T4T Dukexiety my fucking beloved I fucking L O V E this!!! It's S O fucking sweet at how supportive Re's boyfriend and twin along with their friends are <3 She's a transfem baddie who doesn't give a fuck about how she dresses and their Emo boyfriend won't hesitate to sock a bitch if they even dare try to fuck with his joyfriend (Also unrelated note I am literally giving you the title CEO of Wholesome Creativitwins Oatmeal because oml /positive)

#as a transman can also confirm that trans jokes (made by fellow trans people) are in fact hilarious #dukexiety #creativitwins #remus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #ts remus #ts virgil #ts roman #ts janus #sanders sides #thomas sanders #asks #answers #oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat #not a countdown

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mycocam · 7 months

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Ich, Janus

#my art #original art #artists on tumblr #digital art #janus head #trans art

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emoprincey · 1 year

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Hot take

#sanders sides #janus sanders #ts janus #thimkjng abt trans sides tonight #i do think she/they Janus is a brill concept tbh

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unfoxmeart · 1 year

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In Vivo

For my elders, those here and gone.

#angel #angel art #body horror #digital art #queer art #biblical angel #i mean not really but also kind of #trans angel #trans art #janus #multiple wings #evil eye #plan to do more janus themed work in the future #my shit #anyways here they are & im kind proud of them for the moment #be willing to put him up on my redbubble/teepublic if there was want

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ivnvnva · 2 years

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/41584683

#sanders sides #dukeceit #ao3fic #remussanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #demus #sander sides fic #Goth janus #goth janus #punkremussanders #emovirgil #spanish remus sanders #trans janus #ts janus #ts remus #ts virgil

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homosexual-radio-host · 1 year

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Sander sides on you coming out as trans (ftm)

Logan

You have something to tell me? it's important? ok what is it?

he actually puts his book down for you

Oh you're trans? Thank you for telling me I am aware that that is a hard thing to do, what would you prefer me to call you?

Suitable name, pronouns noted, thank you for trusting me

Will slam transphobes with logical reasoning about how they are idiots

Will also slam transphobes with whatever he happens to be holding

He does occasionally lose his temper as we've seen

(Name) Have you taken off that binder at all recently? No? Well that won't do, completely unsafe, You know that can actually negatively affect potential at top surgery...

Patton

Hiya kiddo! of course I got time to talk:D

You're trans? Oh wow that's great thanks for telling me kiddo! What are your pronouns?

Oh well that's a swell name kiddo (Immidiately gives you a cute little nickname based on it)

Would be the type of guy to get you stuff with the trans flag on it

"Here kiddo this sweaters got trans colors :D"

The type to passive aggresively correct people

"Where's (name)?" "She's over there" Envoke blank stare and "I don't see any she's... Oh but there's (Name) great i'll go see HIM"

Roman

You're trans? Why wonderful, Now there are two handsome princes!

He/him, got it, any new title? Ah a wonderful name prince (name)!

Will stab ppl who misgender you intentionally with his sword

Takes you shopping

Judges your fashion sense

Virgil

What is it? Oh ok, cool, so he/him then? and (name) sick

He only lets you borrow his hoodie, with anyone else it's on sight

Also a passive aggresive corrector

But if it's repetitive and obviously intentional he might hiss

"Holy shit it's he/him even im not that fucking stupid" (To the dismay of Patton at that slight self deprication

Teaches you to do eyeliner

You two would go insane to Mama by mcr (Emo trans anthem)

Janus

Hello (Dramatic drawl) "He/him and (name)? Ok"

Idk how to write this because he's a liar but I feel like he would want to be genuine abt this at least

Don't want his lying to make him seem transphobic

Obviously I don't care (name)

Would go OFF on transphobes, he is the drama he would literally scare them with just his words

Oh yea cause it's SO hard to remember one thing

Take off the binder. Yea no use lying I AM lies, take it off

Quietly supportive

Remus

Yea I know you're trans I read your diary, Now as I was saying can I eat your deaodorant? Oh who am I kidding I'm going to anyways

If someone is transphobic he would probably just hurt them, physically, maybe eat them idk

Om nom bitch

He would offer his clothes but you wouldn't want them for a multitude of reasons

Gross, stinky

Also don't trust him to shop for you he would get you the ugliest things ever on purpose

"So she" "He" "Right so anyways she" *kills them*

At least he gave em one chance

#sander sides #headcanons #logan sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #trans

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