Hollow Knight Carving by thewoodcarvingman

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.･ﾟﾟ･°˖✧ please dni if nsfw/kink, dd/lg, map, radfem, or transmed ✧˖°･ﾟﾟ･.

✧ video by soapy.goodness ✧

Mobei-jun wants to smooch too.

Give him a moment he's learning.

when you think about it, there are some funny implications to the system deciding that shang qinghua needed to get imported into the story from his character's actual birth, rather than coming in later. or to the system bringing shen qingqiu in later, rather than from birth

options are like

there is no way that shang "accidentally just says the quiet part loud" qinghua could ever convincingly pretend to be someone else. he's too weird. either everyone in the sect needed to meet him as a weirdo and just be like "occasionally shang-shidi speaks in tongues but he's done that since we were teenagers so it's just His Way" or else they'd never stop thinking he was possessed

bringing shen yuan into shen jiu's childhood never would have worked. mr. 3rd son of a wealthy family who has no actual sense of self-preservation would be dead before puberty, so the system just patched him in later.

the system never planned to bring in shen yuan at all, but somehow airplane's butterfly effect actions killed shen jiu via qi deviation before he could actually do his most important tasks, so shen yuan getting stuffed into his role was less of a delicate machination and more the panicked flailing of a cosmic intern.

shang qinghua's real punishment for his literary crimes was being made to go through puberty twice.

Look, i know that Shen Yuan died a virgin and while he had no sexual experience he canonly kissed before getting with Luo Binghe, but do y'all know what would be hysterical in my opinion? If Shen Yuan had a gaggle of ex girlfriends he left behind when he died. Now, you may be wondering, what's so hysterical about that? Well, for one, it just tinkles me pink to think that the same guy who indirectly died from how angry a webnovel he dedicated a great amount of time commenting on made him actually got/could get bitches but decided that verbally abusing Airplane over his shit writting sounded more fun. I also think that knowing the system he'd at some point fall victim to some type of plant or curse that'd force him to name all of his ex lovers out loud unless he wished to die while the rest of the sect watches. Can y'all imagine Yue QingYuan, Luo Binghe, Liu Qingge and fucking Airplane's faces while he's there naming "Yu YaoYao, Mei Ling, Jiang Qin, Fei Liao" plus who else with a pained look on his face while trying to guess if middle school and internet relationships also count??? Plus, i just know he rationalized any lack of sexual thoughts he had towards his exes with "Well, i can't think sexually of a woman who's not my wife, that'd be disrespectful"

My Lawyer is going to Get Your Ass.

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Would be funny if he got so mad he choked on that bun and died.

Also I can't draw good backgrounds so don't look to closely at anything and everything will be fine

there is always tomorrow

Who wants to bet Peerless Cucumber has an entire fan base within the pidw’s fandom? Potentially even bringing in a portion of pidw’s readers who just want to enjoy shen yuan just loosing it in the comments.

Like sure, some of the fandom’s definitely there for the toxic masculinity and papapa, but I guarantee you there’s an entire section dedicated to gleefully watching the fandom sewer rat being feral.

First news Luo Binghe saw after he escaped the Endless Abyss.

Airplane-bro is definitely Michael Cera and Cucumber-bro is Aubrey Plaza.

Shang Qinghua: Hey Cucumber Bro would you slap your best friend in the face for a million gold?

Shen Qingqiu: I would punch you in the face for free.

Shang Qinghua, on the verge of tears: I’m your best friend?!

when I first started self-shipping: maybe this character would like me back. we’re sorta dating. oh, and maybe I’d be friends with this character? they might find me annoying…

me now: this character would always have my back. we’re friends until the end of the line. multiple characters have unrequited crushes on me. my f/o has dedication to me like no one’s seen before. we’re madly in love. we’re best friends. we’re soulmates. it’s even deeper than that.

Shang Qinghua strikes me as the type who would only pursue a particular cultivation skill if it had some utility to making his everyday life easier or some specific task more doable, not even register that he'd achieved anything impressive with his cultivation in the process, and then carry on firm in the belief that this is a normal skill that every other cultivator has probably already acquired. Because if it's useful, why wouldn't they?

Like he thinks cultivation is cool and all, but (as can be evidenced by some of his writing choices) he's not really interested in it for its own sake. So everything he chooses to pursue has a reason. Usually that reason is "letting him be done with this tedious task so that he can possibly scrape together some free time, or at least more time to do other tasks."

This is why, despite sword arts being very cool and dashing and all, Shang Qinghua doesn't really bother learning a lot of swordsmanship or fighting skills. There are pretty few situations where wielding a sword is useful, most of those situations are ones which Shang Qinghua doesn't want to be involved in, and nearly all of his martial siblings are better at and more interested in fighting anyway.

He knows that martial prowess is popular and attractive, but it's boring. Sword drills? Dull as hell. There's a reason he came up with a super cursed sword that let his protagonist immediately win almost any fight, with consequences that just led to more interesting drama or conflicts to write about. His fight scenes were at least as boring and repetitive as his sex scenes, let's be real.

The end result is that Shang Qinghua's cultivation is probably deeply weird.

Like he's done muscle-reinforcement but not for combat, it's so that if he needs to he can literally pick up a recalcitrant ox and move it. He mastered inedia because remembering to eat and finding a moment to do it during An Ding's inventory week was harder. He introduced flying carpets to the setting after he transmigrated because figuring out how to transport items on some compatible spiritual device that was bigger than a sword blade, and could thus hold like a chest of goods or baskets of supplies, was way too convenient to pass up. He has selective knowledge of various skills, like alchemy, medicine, smithing, etc, things that are usually only brought up at the master level (thanks to his author knowledge cheat) but he doesn't know most of the basics of those skills, and he only deploys his knowledge for like, hyper specific tasks largely unrelated to the field.

He probably drives Mu Qingfang and Wei Qingwei crazy because he'll drop expert niche knowledge that they know is expert niche knowledge into a random discussion out of the blue, but then can't actually sustain a conversation about it because he doesn't know all the usual accompanying information. Mu Qingfang counting slowly backwards from ten because somehow Shang Qinghua knows that a super rare tonic made from a believed-to-be-extinct plant can bestow temporarily telekinesis to those who imbibe it, but doesn't know anything else about the medicinal uses of the plant, the history of the tonic, or other tonics that can achieve similar results with varying side-effects. But he knows what this one hyper-specific thing will do and he knows, very very vaguely, how to make it. Somehow.

Which would be less weird if it was just one thing, because people do pick up odd bits of knowledge or skills from unexpected places now and again. But it happens all the time. Seemingly at complete random! He also, as said, doesn't just do it with knowledge but with skills. No idea of basic leveling up, Shang Qinghua singles out what he wants from a process and then just does enough to get it and skips everything else that usually goes with it.

I bet he's like thirty before it comes to light that he has no idea how to actually do basic meditation, or something, and Yue Qingyuan does that thing where he smiles placidly while dying inside because how? Shang-shidi is a peak lord! How does a peak lord not know how to meditate properly?!

(In Shang Qinghua's defense, meditating involves spending a lot of time just focusing on one's self and not doing anything else, and he is a busy man! And he actually has mastered a form of meditation, but it's a kind Cang Qiong doesn't usually teach and that you do while also performing repetitive tasks. Usually those repetitive tasks are things like "repeatedly punching the exact same spot on a tree until the tree topples" but Shang Qinghua's are more like "reviewing a thousand nearly identical requisition forms and eating melon seeds at a steady rate" type stuff. When other people expect him to meditate he just sits quietly for a minute until they leave.)

Shen Qingqiu/Shen Yuan: Spoiled rich milf, grew up rich, married richer, honestly really sweet but a bit out of touch, thinks tiping any amount less than 50 dollars is tacky

Shen Qingqiu/ Shen Jiu: Bitterly divorced Milf, took ex to the cleaners during the divorce, receives a fortune in alimony and child support, even if he doesn't have kids

Liu Qingge: Not a milf or a dilf, mom's new boyfriend that doesn't know how go to act around you, will take you hiking and i mean that as a threat

Luo Binghe: Also not a milf or a dilf, he's either the weird kid in your class that's oddly into your mom or the guy that gets with your mom after your dad mysteriously dies, he's nice to you tho

Yue Qingyuan: Dilf of the wet cat variety, ex took everything in the divorced and he wishes they took more, pays triple the amount of child support even if he doesn't have a child

Shang Qinghua: Not a milf or a dilf, weird uncle that sells car insurance coded

Tianglang-jun: A dilf, plain simple

is this meme too niche? enjoy it anyway

Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)