How to Rehabilitate a Jock in Four Months Part 12
We're back babey :DDDD Happy to announce hiatus is over fellowsssss but also TW for this one Steve has a panic attack. Also thanks as always to @stevethehairington for betaing and supporting and generally just being the best friend a person can ask forrrrr also @thefreakandthehair for listening to me ramble about this endlessly. When I say I was working on this for two months, legitimately for the entire two months I was working on this
Part One Part Eleven Part Thirteen Link to Ao3
Step Twelve: Watch Him Stumble
In terms of gigs, this probably had to be one of the best sets Eddie had ever played. The energy was off the charts, the crowd was in it with them at every step, and best of all, Steve had been smiling the whole time. Even the power going out had a certain panache to it. Like a final zinger to finish off the wicked guitar solo in Breathless that made Eddie’s heart race every single time he played it.
Was it ideal to have to sit in the dark and wait for the lights to come back on? Not by a long shot, but there was no denying that the ending of the song had been one hundred percent bonafide metal.
All in all, Eddie wasn’t that pressed about having the electricity cut out. It wasn’t the first time the power had died during one of their shows, and it wouldn’t be the last. The Hideout was a total dive, basically a shack at the edge of the woods with an electrical system that was shoddy, at best. The band’s equipment had blown a fuse so many times that it was practically routine for the owner to have to go downstairs and reset the box halfway through their set.
“What’s going on, Dan?” Eddie asked as he saw the bartender’s flashlight start to come up from the basement. He was eager to get going again, unwilling to lose the killer vibe coming from the crowd.
He also wanted to be able to see what a certain ex-jock thought about the song he had just played. But that was neither here nor there.
“Shows over, boys!” Bar owner Dan shouted, listening to the moans and groans from the patrons before sighing and walking over to the low stage. “Flipped the breakers twice, but nothing. Must’ve been somethin’ else that blew the power. We’re done for the night.”
“Damn it,” Eddie swore, scuffing his sneaker on the ground and strumming a discordant little note on his guitar for emphasis.
Of course this happened on the one night he was actually trying to impress someone. Of course.
“You can leave whatever you want to here for the night,” Dan offered, waving his flashlight around, “It’ll be hard enough to find your way out of this place without trying to lug around all this equipment too.”
Eddie didn’t care about the equipment. He cared about the fact that Steve’s first time seeing him play had just been totally wrecked by a stupid power outage.
“Thanks, Dan,” Jeff said for all of them as Eddie continued to scowl, trying to push down his disappointment before it could grow into something impossible to manage.
The bartender nodded once, turning and walking towards some of the patrons to give them the news, leaving the band to their own devices.
“This blows,” Eddie groaned as soon as they were alone, mood still incredibly sour.
“You’re just mad you didn’t get to show off for Steeeeeve,” Frank teased as the others started to pack up in the dark. Even if they were leaving their stuff there, they still wanted to leave it in a somewhat organized fashion.
“Stones and glass houses, Frankie,” Eddie said warningly, turning to where he knew Frank was around and glaring. He was not above calling out the other boy’s very obvious crush on Janet at this moment, nothing was off the books when he was this annoyed. “No, I’m mad our set got slashed in half cause of a dumb power outage.”
“Mhm, sure,” Gareth said, drawing out the word in a way that grated on every single nerve Eddie had.
“Guys?” Janet’s voice floated over, stopping Eddie before he said something he regretted. Janet slowly came into view as she walked over to the stage, looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable.
She was alone.
Eddie’s anger vanished as a pit began to form in his stomach.
“Where’s Rocky?” Frank asked, walking over to stand next to Eddie.
“Where’s Steve?” Eddie emphasized before Janet could answer, looking around into the dark of the bar. It was hard to see anything but lumps bobbing and weaving about, but none of them seemed Steve-shaped. Still, there was no way Steve would just leave.
Right?
“No clue,” Janet answered, rubbing her arm, “Steve was acting weird right before the power went out, and now we can’t find him. I sent Rocky to go look around.”
Weird? What did ‘weird’ mean? Weird was the kind of word that only made even more questions. Did Steve totally hate the music? Was he having a bad time? Had Eddie completely misinterpreted everything he had thought from before?
But before Eddie could put any of these fears to words, Rocky’s silhouette came into view.
“He’s not in the bathroom. I even peeked into the ladies just to be sure,” Rocky reported. Janet made a disgusted little sound, reaching over to smack the younger boy upside the head and give him a disappointed scowl.
“Hey!” Rocky snapped, getting out of Janet’s line of fire, “Not cool. I’m just looking out for a fellow party member.”
“He’s not in our party,” Gareth muttered immediately, stepping around his drum kit to come stand with the rest of them. Eddie didn’t bother to fight with his best friend or even comment on his stupid little jab. He was too busy freaking the fuck out over the fact that the guy he definitely wasn’t crushing on had seemingly vanished into thin air.
“What do you mean weird?” Eddie asked, hating the way his heart was starting to pound.
“He was like really distracted? And looked kind of freaked out. Not just annoyed or uncomfortable, but scared,” Janet said, trailing off with a grimace on her face. She looked like she had more to say, but nothing else came, and an stilted silence fell over the group.
Scared? Steve? The words just didn’t seem to fit together. Eddie couldn’t imagine Steve being afraid of anything. He went headfirst into everything, confident to the point of nearly cocky, so sure of himself Eddie was sometimes jealous.
“Maybe he just didn’t like the music?” Gareth offered, but his tone was weak. “Used the power outage as a way to slip out?”
“No,” Janet said firmly, shaking her head. “He… Something wasn’t right, guys.”
Something wasn’t right.
Eddie knew this feeling. It was that heart stop stomach drop moment. The deer hearing the first snap of the twig under a hunter’s boot, a rabbit sensing that a snare was nearby. It was the same way he felt when he was walking around town and saw a car full of douchebags tailing him, or he went to the woods to make a deal only to find no one sitting at the picnic table.
There was something dangerous happening, something that instinctually made Eddie want to run for the hills.
Something scary. Something that was a threat.
He needed to find Steve. Now.
“Maybe he’s just outside having a smoke or somethin’,” Eddie said, trying and failing to sound casual. “Let’s go look.”
Eddie carefully placed his guitar in its case and hopped down, walking towards the direction of the front door and hoping the others were following. He would go on his own if he had to, but he really, really, didn’t want to.
Luckily he heard the pattern of footsteps following his own, and Jeff bumped his shoulder against Eddie’s as they approached the exit. Eddie took a millisecond to be grateful for his loyal batshit insane buds, then he was back on task.
“Steve?” Eddie called as he walked out the door, mentally sending a prayer to whoever might be listening that Steve would be standing right there, waiting for them to come join him.
No such luck. There were a few drunks milling about, a couple making out against the side of the building, but no sign of Steve’s pretty boy hair or his soft sweet smile. Eddie’s heart began to race impossibly faster.
“Steve! You out here?!” Eddie shouted, hating the panic that was starting to enter his tone. He turned his head in every direction, but he couldn’t see any sign of Steve.
“He’s long gone, Eds, can we go back inside now? It’s fucking freezing out here,” Gareth asked, rubbing at his bare arms and shivering as the frigid winter wind raced past them. Eddie could barely feel his own body, but he ignored both the cold and Gareth’s words, walking towards his van.
Steve was there. He had to be. He had to be, or else Eddie was going to lose his mind worrying over what was probably nothing, and he might say something incredibly stupid when they actually found Steve, and that would ruin everything they had worked so hard to build.
Luckily for Eddie’s increasingly fragile mind and heart, he spotted a shape sitting near the van. Eddie practically melted in relief, jogging around to the other side of his van, needing to see Steve’s face.
“Well if you wanted to dine and dash so bad, Harrington, you should have-”
Eddie cut off the idiotic quip he had been in the middle of saying, struck silent by the state he found Steve in. All of the relief he had been starting to feel instantly vanished, replaced by a bone deep dread that overtook Eddie’s entire being.
Steve was on the ground, his knees pulled close to his chest and his eyes staring firmly at the gravel. He was still as a statue, barely even blinking, and his breathing was shallow and uneven. Eddie could see him shaking from where he stood, trembling like a leaf in the wind as he continued to just stare at nothing.
Something was wrong.
“Steve?” Eddie said softly, reaching out slowly as he edged closer to the other boy trying to get his attention. “Sweetheart? What’s going o-“
Steve’s hand darted out the second Eddie’s got close enough to reach, fingers latching onto Eddie’s wrist in an iron tight grip that instantly sent a dull ache racing up his arm. The physical sensation was uncomfortable, painful, but it was the look on Steve’s face that hurt the most.
Steve’s eyes were boring holes into Eddie’s face, staring him down with a flat blank glare that looked completely wrong on his features. It was almost like he was looking through Eddie, not really seeing him, just dealing with the threat that was coming towards his body.
It shouldn’t hurt. After all, Eddie was used to people in this town seeing him as a scary person. He didn’t really bat an eye anymore when people switched to the other side of the street as he walked past, and he didn’t care that much about the way mothers would grab their children’s hands if he started to approach.
But something about the way Steve’s protective instincts had deemed him a danger just cut right to Eddie’s core.
“Steve it’s-it’s just me,” Eddie stuttered out, trying subtly to pull away from Steve’s death grip.
The combination of his quiet voice and tugging must have tripped something in Steve’s mind, because a hint of recognition flew across Steve’s face, and he instantly dropped Eddie’s wrist, going back to curling both of his hands in his hair and pulling, shaking silently as he let his gaze fall back to the pavement.
“Eddie, back up,” Jeff ordered the second he was free, stepping forward.
“Jeff-“
“Eddie, he’s having a panic attack,” Jeff said firmly, interrupting his friend before he could start trying to argue. “Back. Up.”
A panic attack?
Eddie had seen Jeff in the throes of a panic attack before, and it was nothing like this. Usually Jeff would hyperventilate, gasp for breath as his limbs moved almost uncontrollably. He would babble out anxiety fueled rambles until the moment passed, then usually retreat into the safety of solitude for a while as he tried to piece himself back together.
Steve just looked… gone, lost somewhere none of them could reach him.
But Jeff would be the expert on panic attacks, so if he said that was what this was, then Eddie just had to trust him and hope he could help Steve. Unwillingly Eddie took a single step back, falling into line with the rest of the group who had crept over at some point, and were now all staring at the scene with a mixture of horror and confusion.
“Hey Steve, it’s Jeff, do you recognize me?” Jeff asked calmly, keeping his tone even and clear. He seemed completely zen, unphased by the very frightening moment. The only way Eddie could tell anything was amiss was the way Jeff’s fists were clenched tight at his sides, an easy tell that he was trying to keep his hands from shaking.
Steve looked up when Jeff started speaking to him, giving one short nod after a prolonged pause.
“That’s good. Can I come sit by you?” Jeff asked, starting to step closer. Instantly Steve seemed to be back on guard, stiffening up and pressing his back even harder against the van. Jeff took the shift in stride, taking a step back and holding his hands out.
“Alright, alright. I’ll stay right here. That’s better?”
Another pause. Another short nod.
Jeff took a second to think, then slowly slid down so he was sitting across from Steve on the ground of the parking lot, crossing his legs and taking a long calming breath.
“Do you know where you are right now?”
Yet another pause as Steve contemplated the question. Eddie watched as Steve’s blank look shifted first to confusion, then to fear as he shook his head. Steve’s lip started to wobble as his eyes turned glassy and filled with fright.
“That’s okay,” Jeff said soothingly, clearly trying to get ahead of whatever was starting to grow inside Steve’s mind. “You’re at the Hideout in the parking lot with me, Jeff. Our other friends are here too. Eddie, Frank, Janet, Rocky, and Gareth. You came to listen to the band play tonight, do you remember that?”
Steve nodded, letting out a long slow exhale, a bit of the tension in his shoulders dropping. His hands slowly slid out of his hair, fingers playing with the loose gravel of the parking lot.
“I think you’re having a panic attack,” Jeff explained. His words were blunt, but his tone was still soft. “Have you had one before? Do you know what caused it?”
Steve’s jaw clenched up even tighter. Eddie found his mind starting to count the seconds, needing something to do in the moment in order to stop himself from speaking.
He got up to thirty four before Steve finally opened his mouth.
“The lights,” Steve whispered, sighing and reaching up to pinch at the bridge of his nose. “It was… it was the lights.”
“Lights? I don’t- It was… it was just a power outage, Sweetheart,” Eddie blurted out, unable to hold his words back. His mind was racing to try and fit the piece into the puzzle, but no matter how he thought about it, Eddie simply couldn’t comprehend how the lights of all things caused Steve to fall into such a panic.
He looked back at the rest of the group, seeing if any of them had any clue what was going on, but they all had the same confused fright on their faces.
“No. It wasn’t,” Steve stated immediately, his voice firm and set. His eyes were hard again, and he was staring at the ground with a mixture of hate and fear that made Eddie’s stomach clench up tightly. “It was not just a power outage, and I need to check on my kids.”
“Steve-“
“I need to check on my kids,” Steve repeated, interrupting Jeff harshly. Now that the tension was broken, the words seemed to be coming easier, and Steve cleared his throat before continuing, “My bag has what I need, but the doors were locked. I got out here and then the doors...”
Steve trailed off, looking lost.
“I’ll grab your bag,” Gareth offered, startling them all. He held his hand out for the keys, and Eddie gave him a look, raising a brow. If it was anyone else, Eddie wouldn’t even hesitate, but Gareth offering to do something for Steve of his own free will was like the devil offering to tie Jesus’s shoe.
“It’s okay, I got it,” Gareth said, softening his voice, something far too close to pity in his eyes as his gaze flitted over to Steve, then back to Eddie, conveying without words that Eddie leaving Steve at this moment seemed like a bad idea
Despite the tension of the moment, a part of Eddie relaxed. Gareth was just being Gareth- the good Gareth that Eddie knew was hiding under bitchy mean Gareth that had cropped up out of nowhere. Eddie tossed him his keys and the rest walked to the other side of the van, talking in harsh low whispers that Eddie couldn’t quite make out.
“This can’t be happening again,” Steve whispered when it was just the three of them, a breathy half laugh escaping alongside the words as he wrapped his arms around his knees and tucked his head down. “God, it’s really never gonna be fucking over, is it?”
The question was obviously rhetorical, Steve probably wasn’t even really talking to them, but a physical pain started to grow in Eddie’s chest from the utter defeat radiating off of Steve in miserable waves.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m not going to ask,” Jeff stated, taking the risk to scoot closer and maneuvering himself so he was sitting next to Steve, his back flat against the van, “but, while we’re waiting for them to get what you need, do you want to try a grounding technique?”
“A what?” Steve asked, just barely raising his head. Jeff began to explain his favorite grounding technique, using short and easy to understand sentences to go over exactly what he was suggesting. Steve uncurled ever so slightly as Jeff was speaking, his full attention on the younger boy. Even Eddie was caught in the lull of Jeff’s tone, his heart starting to finally flow down.
Then he heard his name.
“Eddie.”
It was Gareth on the other side of the van, holding Steve’s bag up and giving Eddie a wide eyed look of horror. He gestured for Eddie to come over with a jerky handwave, and Eddie gave him a look. Wasn’t the whole point for Eddie to stay? Why was Gareth trying to pull him away just as they were starting to make progress.
“Eddie. Now,” Frank whispered harshly, his head popping up next to Gareth’s. He also looked freaked the fuck out, still far too pale.
“I’ve got him, Eds,” Jeff said in that same soothing tone pulling another deep breath and watching as Steve obediently copied the motion. “Go see what they need.”
Eddie really wanted to just say fuck it and stay exactly where he was, but Steve was starting to get some color back in his cheeks, and if whatever was in that bag would help, then Eddie needed to get that for him.
So, very reluctantly, Eddie walked around to the other side of the van, leaving Jeff and Steve alone.
“What?!” Eddie snapped the second he was out of earshot of the two boys, throwing Gareth a harsh glare. If this was another trick or some weird tactic to fuck with Steve, then Eddie was going to seriously have to reconsider their friendship at this point.
“Look,” Gareth hissed, shoving Steve’s bag into Eddie’s hands.
Eddie peered in the bag, still annoyed and confused. It was all normal stuff. Well, a little weird. Steve’s car keys, a flashlight, a walkie-talkie… a first aid kit… and…
“Why does he have a knife?!” Gareth snarled, looking more terrified than angry.
“Lots of people have knives,” Eddie said, trying to sound calm. The words came out strangled, falsely cool in a way that made it obvious to all of them that Eddie was just as uncomfortable as they were.
“Okay, but why does he need that right now, Eddie?” Janet asked. It was a good question, but one that Eddie couldn’t possibly come up with an answer for.
Why did Steve need a knife right now? Why would he even bring it with him tonight?
“Eddie? What’s going on?” Jeff called from the other side of the van, still blissfully unaware of the latest update to their situation. Eddie shook his head roughly, dropping the knife back into the bag and zipping it up, holding it behind his back as he rounded the front of the van again.
“What is it you need from your bag, Steve?” Eddie questioned, keeping his voice firm as he stared down at Steve.
“My walkie-talkie?” Steve answered, a picture of innocence. He had one hand flat on the ground, and the other tangled up in Eddie’s necklace, his thumb worrying across the face of the guitar pick. Then Steve's words came back to him.
I need to check on my kids.
Hot shame flooded Eddie’s stomach as he remembered exactly what had led to all of them snooping in Steve’s stuff. Steve had just wanted to reach out to the kids, that was all. The knife wasn’t really that weird in retrospect, just another overprotective Steve thing. He wasn’t about to get stab happy on them, he just wanted a way to protect himself if it became necessary.
Eddie could understand that.
“Is it not there?” Steve wondered, some anxiety starting to leak into his tone the longer Eddie just stood there. “I’m sure I brought it, but-”
“No, I have it right here, sweetheart,” Eddie said, interrupting the thought before it could even form. He tugged the walkie-talkie out of the bag and handed it to Steve, sitting on the ground next to him and watching as Steve flipped it on and switched the channels, taking a deep breath before holding down the talk button.
“Guys?”
He let go of the receiver, and immediately there was an explosion of voices as the kids all began to scream over each other, shouting Steve’s name and endless questions. It was impossible to make out exact words in the mayhem, but Eddie wasn’t interested in that. He was busy focusing on Steve.
Despite the fact that he was still trembling, the pinched brow and nervous look in Steve’s eyes faded the second he heard the kid’s voices. He sighed, leaning his head back until it softly hit the van, letting the tension fall from his shoulders as his eyes slipped shut.
“See? All okay,” Eddie murmured, needing to add extra reassurance now that he thought he could. Steve shot him a weary little smile, rubbing the guitar pick around his neck once more before pushing down the talk button once more.
“What are we dealing with?” Steve asked, about to put the walkie-talkie back down before the sound of shoes on gravel caught his attention. As Gareth, Rocky, Frank, and Janet walked back around the van, Steve continued “and I’m not by myself right now, so don’t say any stupid shit.”
“Who are you with?” Lucas’s voice said from the walkie-talkie, sounding tinny and electronic.
“And say over next time. Over,” Will added.
“The fucking ‘over’ bullshit,” Steve said to himself with a roll of his eyes before picking it back up. “I’m at the Hideout with Eddie, now what are we dealing with?!”
Silence. Eddie looked at Steve with a raised brow, and when Steve looked around in annoyance, Eddie caught his eye and mouthed the word ‘over’.
“Jesus H,” Steve muttered, looking up at the sky as if begging God to help him. “OVER!”
“Well we don’t know that yet, Steve,” Dustin promptly responded the second Steve’s finger left the button, his tone dripping with far too much sass. "We were too busy looking for you! Over.”
“I’m gonna kill them,” Steve stated, rubbing at his temple, “I’m legitimately going to kill them.”
“Everybody shut up,” A new voice barked. Eddie knew it from somewhere, but he couldn’t place it. She wasn’t one of the kids, Eddie knew that much, but he couldn’t figure it out. “Steve, Jonathan and I will be at the Hideout in five minutes. Do not move. Over and out.”
After a few seconds of staticky silence, Steve groaned, pushing the antennae of the walkie-talkie down and turning it off.
“Of course she’s coming here. Of course,” Steve whispered, unknowingly mirroring Eddie’s exact thought process right after the power outage.
“Wait, wait, wait. Was that Nancy Wheeler?” Janet asked incredulously, her jaw hanging wide open.
No. Nope. There was no way.
“Yeah, it was,” Steve said with a sigh, forcing himself into a standing position and stretching his shoulders.
He was completely nonchalant about it, like it was perfectly normal to have your ex on walkie-talkie speed dial, and it was only natural for her to come collect you like a haggard housewife the second she thought you might be in trouble.
“Nancy Wheeler, your ex girlfriend,” Eddie said dumbly, just to be sure he wasn’t being punked.
“The one and only,” Steve said dryly, becoming more and more himself with every second. It was like hearing Nancy’s voice had flipped a switch, and the vulnerable nervous Steve that had been sitting on the ground by his van was gone in an instant, replaced by a flippant easy going boy that looked like nothing had ever happened to him at all.
It was bizarre, uncanny in a disarmingly normal way. Eddie had always kind of admired Steve’s coolness, how nothing seemed to phase him.
Now it just felt… not disingenuous per say, but more layered than it was before. It wasn’t completely an act, but Steve was definitely hiding so much more than Eddie ever could have assumed.
“Why is Nancy Wheeler coming here?” Eddie asked slowly as he stood up, watching Steve like a hawk and looking for any kind of micro change in his expression. He got nothing. Steve was a brick wall.
“Even if I could tell you, you wouldn’t believe me,” Steve said with a wry smile that didn’t look much like a smile at all. Before he could say anything else, they all heard the sound of tires squealing nearby, and a pair of headlights peeled into the parking lot. Steve moved like a man possessed, jogging around the van and towards the car still speeding into the lot.
“What the fuck was all that?” Rocky said, asking the question all of them were wondering. Eddie shrugged, following Steve’s path and watching as Nancy Wheeler jumped out of the passenger seat of the still parking car, ignoring Jonathan Byers' shouting at her from the driver’s side as she strode towards where Steve had stopped.
“What the hell, Steve?!” She snapped the second she had pulled herself away from the car. “No one knew where you were. You didn’t tell anyone, or leave a note, or anything. What were you thinking?!”
“What was I- Nancy, what are you talking about?” Steve said defensively, turning around to briefly give Eddie a ‘can you believe this’ look before turning back to his ex who was still fuming.
Eddie didn’t really know anything about Nancy Wheeler, it wasn’t like they ran in the same circles whatsoever, but he certainly had never expected to see her like this. There was two high spots of red on her cheeks, and her eyes were flashing in a way that just screamed danger.
“You can’t just disappear out of nowhere! Do you get how irresponsible that is?” Nancy asked rhetorically, not giving Steve a second to answer before she barreled forward, “Mike and the others wanted to make a search party and start riding around on their bikes looking for you. What are you even doing here?”
“I didn’t realize going out was a crime,” Steve said in a moody tone, crossing his arms over his chest and giving Nancy a cool glare.
Things were quickly devolving between the two of them, and as much as Eddie wanted to intervene, he hung back and observed. That was the thing most people didn’t realize about him. Eddie could be quiet and listen when it benefitted him.
“It is if you don’t tell me where you are!” Nancy exploded, throwing her hands up as she did. “Especially if it’s because you’re hiding that you’re doing something dangerous.”
With those words she poignantly turned her glare towards Eddie, as if he personally was holding Steve hostage. Steve’s face screwed into a dark scowl and he stepped so he was back directly in Nancy’s view line, blocking her from the others.
Protecting Eddie from her.
That shouldn’t have made him feel as warm as it did.
“Nancy. I don’t know how you forgot, but let me remind you- We. Broke. Up,” Steve said, each word punching directly out of his chest and exposing just how raw that still fresh wound was. “You’re dating Jonathan now, so what I do, and who I’m friends with, and how I spend my time isn’t your problem anymore.”
“Nance,” Jonathan said, trying to grab Nancy’s arm. She pulled away from his grip, stepping close to Steve.
“Yes, it is my problem! You are still my problem!” She shouted.
Eddie would’ve chalked it all up to crazy ex-girlfriend disease and dragged Steve away from the fight, but something strange was developing. The anger was quickly draining away from Nancy’s features and all that was left was a painful grief, the kind that made Eddie want to turn his head and find anything else to look at. This wasn’t just a jealousy thing, or psycho ex behavior.
This was something more.
“Look, I know we broke up, and I know that’s my fault, but first the lights flickered, then power went out, and none of us could find you,” Nancy said, looking down at the ground as her voice began to waver and her features inevitably turned towards tears. “You weren’t at your house. It was empty, and it was just the pool, and no one there, and I thought- I thought-”
Eddie would never know what Nancy had been trying to say, because Steve enveloped her in his arms at that moment, holding her gently against his chest as he shielded her from the rest of the world.
There was a momentary flare of jealousy that ignited in Eddie’s chest, a second where he felt a blinding, irrational hatred for Nancy Wheeler and everything she was. But then Steve was holding out his other arm to Jonathan, who hesitated for a second and looked extremely uncomfortable, but came closer nonetheless, all three of them sharing an exhausted hug. Jonathan and Nancy put Steve between the two of them, joining their hands between his shoulder blades as they held him close.
Whatever was going on here, it wasn’t romantic. No need to be jealous.
Not that Eddie had any right to be jealous in the first place. It shouldn’t matter that Steve seemed to have some sort of weird magnanimous relationship with his ex and her new boyfriend. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t his concern.
It mattered. It mattered so much.
“I’m fine, see? Right here,” Steve said, slightly muffled by the two people still holding him like he was the most precious object in the universe.
“You can’t do that,” Nancy managed to gasp out, clearly in tears given how thick her voice had gotten, even if Eddie couldn't see them. “I can’t lose you too.”
Too? Who had Nancy lost?
The questions were only continuing to mount, and Eddie wondered if you could get a panic attack just by standing close to someone who had just had one. It was certainly getting harder to breathe the longer he looked at the three of them.
“You’re not losing me,” Steve said firmly, as if he was writing it into law just by saying it out loud, “we aren’t losing anyone again.”
“You can’t know that,” Nancy said, her voice so soft Eddie almost missed it. As she did Jonathan looked up, hooking his chin on Steve’s shoulder as he made eye contact with Eddie.
“Guys,” Jonathan called, reluctantly pulling away and nodding his head towards the rest of Hellfire who were all still standing there. Nancy quickly wiped at her eyes and Steve stepped back, putting distance between him and the couple again.
“Hopper went to the lab,” Nancy said, picking her words slowly and carefully. “He dropped um… her off at my house with the rest of the kids.”
Her?
“How is she?” Steve asked. Well, he knew, but Eddie was still in the dark. Who could ‘her’ be? Nancy had a little sister, didn’t she? Maybe she had a tendency to run off or something.
“She’s freaked out. She passed out when the power outage happened, but we don’t know why yet,” Jonathan answered, wrapping his arms around his stomach.
Steve sighed, swiping a hand across his face and turning around. He jogged over to grab his bag, slinging it over one shoulder as he walked back over.
“Let’s just go. I don’t want to leave the kids alone right now,” Steve said, slipping back into his role as babysitter as easy as breathing. Jonathan and Nancy both nodded, waiting until Steve was in line with them before starting to walk to the car.
It hurt almost, being forgotten, dismissed. It was like they had never even existed, like nothing else that had happened tonight mattered.
It wasn’t like Eddie didn’t know he and the others weren’t Steve’s first choice of friends, but having it so blatantly thrown in his face didn’t feel all that great. There was an extra sting when Eddie considered exactly who those first choice friends were.
Steve would apparently rather spend time with his ex and her new boyfriend over Eddie and his friends.
Whatever. No problem. Eddie shoved the feeling down in his chest, deep where it would bother him all night long, but where it wouldn’t come out in mean lashing words towards anyone else.
But, as he spun on his heel and went to go stomping back towards his van, a shout behind his back stopped Eddie in his tracks.
“Eddie!”
Steve was running over to them, the back passenger door of Jonathan’s car still wide open. He slid to a stop right in front of Eddie, panting just a bit as he reached up towards Eddie’s neck.
“I totally forgot,” Steve said apologetically, expertly unclasping the necklace and reaching over. Eddie shivered, sucking a sharp breath in as Steve’s arms wrapped around his neck, fingers just barely grazing Eddie’s skin as he returned the necklace to its rightful owner.
“I had a really nice time tonight,” Steve murmured, looking up at Eddie with those big cow eyes and a bashful little smile.
“Really?” Eddie said, thrilled but unable to believe it. Steve was probably just being nice, that was all.
“Well, before,” Steve amended, his cheeks turning a soft red as he took one step back, futzing with Eddie’s necklace so it sat perfectly in the center of his chest. “I really liked your band.”
“I’m glad,” Eddie managed to stammer out, both hating and loving the way his entire brain was turning to mush the longer Steve had his hand on his chest. Steve had liked the band, he liked the music.
That didn’t mean he liked Eddie, but there was no denying the thrill that was shooting up Eddie’s spine.
“Seriously. Thank you,” Steve said, patting Eddie right above his heart once more before mercifully pulling away. “It was nice to just get to be a little… normal.”
“Anytime, Sweetheart,” Eddie replied, biting his tongue before he could do something stupid like promise that Steve could be normal with him whenever he wanted.
“By the way you guys are all invited to my place for a Christmas Eve Eve party! It’s on Friday,” Steve said, turning to address all six of them. “I was going to mention it on the ride home but well- Anyway, we’re doing a yankee swap, so bring a present. Oh, and invite Kaiden too.”
“A what?” Frank asked. Eddie also wasn’t sure what ‘Yankee Swap’ meant, but he was never going to turn down an invite to a party. Especially a party at Steve’s. The Harrington house hadn’t been the subject of a rager in quite a while, but if this was going to be anything like those parties, then it was not one to be missed.
Plus it meant more time with Steve.
“Dude!” Jonathan shouted from his car.
“Coming!” Steve called back. He gave Eddie a quick flash of a smile before starting to run towards the car, waving a hand behind him as he did.
“It starts at seven. See you then, Babydoll!”
And then he was gone, disappearing into the car and driving away before any of them could give him a proper answer.
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So I've asked you this in private, but I thought the rest of your followers should see this as your thoughts are quite entertaining.
What is your opinion on the idea of stuff like this being the only acceptable method of pornography?
*cracks knuckles* Let's get the easiest part out of the way first.
Saying Something Is "Female-Friendly" Is Just Marketing
I'm sorry (not really) to be the one to state the obvious, but at best labeling any kind of pornography as "female friendly" means "most of the people that enjoy this are women" - which is very different from saying "ALL women are into this" or "No guys are ever into this." It's the good old "this cartoon is for boys, that one is for girls."
It's not a radical statement, it's not revolutionary, and it is at best a morally neutral mention of a random statistic that is being used to find the best demography to advertise to and at worst just pointlessly trying to force people into boxes with that they are/are not allowed to enjoy based on their gender.
Don't believe me? Well, too bad because this image you're seeing is literally part of a facebook ad for a porn site. The name of the site and of the artist they were working with can be seen at the top in the uncut version. Like I said, it doesn't matter how "radical" these claims of "this product is made for/by X minority group" pretend to be, at the end of the day it's just marketing.
"Oh, but people obviously support the message it's sending anyway!" True... but that message is at best filled with poor word choices, and full on terrible at worst.
Consent - Important In Real Life, Meaningless In Fantasy
In the context of this being an ad for a porno site, I think it's safe to say "Consent-based" is just a way of assuring viewers that every actress was fully consenting to every sexual act and was not pressured into anything in any way, which is the bare minimum.
HOWEVER, I've seen plenty of people misunderstand or flat out lie about the "consent-based porn" term means. Like I explained, it is meant to be about the ACTORS consenting - but their "characters" don't need to consent to anything because they are not real. A hardcore CNC fantasy with the actress pretending she doesn't want the sex/is not enjoying it while her co-star pretends to force themselves on her is STILL consent-based if the actress playing the victim role can stop the scene for literally any reason and even walk out completely if that's what she wants.
Unfortunatelly, because kink-shaming is still very much a thing, people act like that is crossing a line and totally counts as legitimate assault - even in videos that the actors before AND after the scene mention how excited they are, how great it was, openly discuss their kinks, etc.
Nobody needs to watch something so extreme if they don't want to, but I have a serious problem with people saying stuff like that shouldn't ever happen. If the people involved in the role-play are doing it WILLINGLY and can back down at any moment, then it isn't in anyway immoral.
Sexual Attraction Is NOT The Same As Respect/Acceptance
Once again, I'm sorry (not really) to be the one who has to tell you guys this, but "representation" in porn is meaningless because:
1 - It doesn't matter how many porn videos there are of any minority group - each individual person picking something to watch will only click on the ones that show people with the body-types and genders they are attracted to, doing stuff they personally find appealing.
2 - "This kind of porn is popular" does not in anyway translate to "this is what society deems morally acceptable". A ton of homophobes LOVE lesbian porn. My country, Brazil, has always had porn with trans people and crossdressers as one of THE most popular trends - yet we are also the country that commits hate crimes against them the most, even when compared to places where being trans or crossdressing is literally a crime that earns you an authomatic death sentence. Incest porn has been obscenely popular everywhere for decades yet most people STILL find the thought of real-life incest absoutely repulsive.
3 - "I am not usually/ever attracted to people of group X" doesn't authomatically mean "I HATE people of group X." Just cause I like red-heads and brunettes, doesn't mean I'll be commiting hate crimes against blondes. If that was how things worked, sex-repulsed asexuals would hate literally all of humanity.
Wanting porn to be inclusive is utterly pointless because sexual attraction is 100% morally neutral. Which brings us to...
What Even Counts As "Objectification"?
Once again, if by "Don't objectify people" we are talking about how "Just because you hired this person to star in a porno, it doesn't mean you can just ignore their consent, comfort and safety for the sake of your fetish" then yeah, that's the bare minimum.
However, if you're saying "don't objectify people" as a way to say "Don't make the video too graphic/obscene/kinky" then we absolutely have a problem here because, my guy, it's porn. It is all about letting us see hot people looking slutty and fucking in great, explict detail.
"Oh, but these sexual acts are humiliating and gross!" To you, maybe. But not to the actors that are very willing to do it. I've had some of my fetishes be called both deeply disturbing and gross AND the most vanilla shit ever. That kind of stuff is 100% subjective, and the only people who can say "I felt disrespected/unsafe/abused" are the actors themselves. Once again, if THEY consented, there's nothing wrong with it regardless of it appealing to you or not.
"Oh, but we'd be wasting an opportunity to educate people/give X group more representation"
If I ever click on a porno and there's a two minute intro with the actors, both belonging to some minority group, talking about how one of them is also historian and the other is a astronomer, I will STILL only care about seeing them fuck even though I love both history and astronomy - not because I don't think they can't possibly know what they're talking about since they are sex workers or because of some kind of bigotry, but because, surprise surprise, I only check out porn sites for the porn. That's what EVERYONE does.
Hell, bad porn can be used to educate people. 50 Shades is awful and a ton of ignorant people think it is 100% accurate to how BDSM actually works. However, this has led to entire groups of people who are actually kinky to discuss REAL BDSM with vanilla people and educate them on how it can be a great thing. And, of course, there's people that enjoy those shitty novels/movies but KNOW they are not accurate representiation of BDSM because they are aware that PORN IS JUST FANTASY, NOT A GUIDE TO HOW SEX SHOULD WORK!
"But it's so shallow to focus only on these people's looks and know literally nothing else about them!"
Yes, and? Being "shallow" isn't always bad, and feeling attracted to someone solely for their looks is not a crime.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a goddamn fanfic writer and I was once the classic "teenager that totally thinks she'd have a chance with that famous rockstar that is old enough to be her dad", I KNOW that the thought of a real connection (emotional, intelectual, etc) CAN be hot - but there's nothing wrong with "These two people whose names I don't even know look hot, I wanna see them fuck, then I'll go take a nap and never think of them again." These porn stars are not crying themselves to sleep because people whose faces they've never even seen don't know anything about them other than how they look without clothes on.
"Female" Pleasure - Yet ANOTHER Hollow Marketing Term!
Seriously, that last one REALLY irritated me because it's one of those things that tries to sound progressive, but are meaningless at best and downright sexist at worst, because it implies:
1 - There must be a strict separation between "female" pleasure and "male" pleasure. A sexual act cannot possibly be enjoyable for both the guy and the girl, and gender prevents men and women from EVER being into the same thing (as a woman that finds more porn that fits my taste in "male-centered" sites than in most "porn for women" sites, this one gets on my nerves).
2 - Pleasuring one's partner cannot possibly be enjoyable - so, say, a girl cannot possibly enjoying giving her boyfriend head, and vice versa.
3 - Sex is a competition and women NEED to win because "female" pleasure is apparently more moral than "male" pleasure (hence the "ALL porn can and should be 'female' friendly")
4 - ALL women are turned on/turned off by the exact same sexual acts, and the level of pleasure they get is always exactly the same. Preferences are not individual and never change over time. (Seriously, a woman directs a sex scene between two actresses, the editor is a woman, and all the viewers are women - which one will speak for her entire gender and decide what "female" pleasure looks like? You see how silly this sounds?)
Conclusion
Sex and sexuality can never be over-simplified like that, and fantasies are just harmless fun.
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