#to be fair I have more than vibes but comparatively to what the finished fic should be it's not much
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maybe a az x reader where it's halloween and the girls are dressed up and matching in the cute scandalous outfit and bunny ears? and their having a good time at rita's dancing while the boys stay at the table watching the girls? just in the mood for some halloween vibes! 🎃
kitten.
author's note: i promised myself i'd hold off on writing until i finished crescent city but this is too good to pass up. this isn't my usual full-fledged fic but i figured it would be better than nothing. fair warning, this got a little out of hand so there's definitely smut under the cut.
you and the girls decide to dress up for the all hallow's eve celebration at rita's. mor dresses up as a cheetah, complete with a gold dress and spots on the side of her face. feyre decides to go as a bat, all clad in purple with pointy ears and plastic wings. the valkyries are in matching witch costumes. amren refuses to dress up and goes as herself instead.
the boys are all waiting at the bar. rhys somehow talked cas and az into wearing vampire costumes. faux fangs and red capes should have looked absurd, but something about seeing azriel in a dark suit with his hair slicked back was such a turn-on.
as soon as you walk into rita's, your mate cannot seem to keep his eyes off of you. he had no idea what he was expecting when you said that you would be dressing up, but it certainly wasn't this. you were wearing a tight, latex catsuit that hugged every curve of your body. if that wasn't enough to give him a heart attack, the matching whip and thigh high boots threatened to send him into outright cardiac arrest. you looked like something that crawled right out of his filthiest fantasies and he loved every second of it.
the front of his pants would tighten uncomfortably and you'd shoot him an innocent little smile across the room, knowing full well how aroused he was because you could practically feel his desire rippling down the bond you shared.
you'd be an absolute tease throughout the whole night, dancing and grinding with your friends while you swayed your hips to the beat of the music.
azriel would watch by the bar with his brothers, barely paying attention to whatever conversation cassian and rhys were having while he watched you from the lip of his glass. at this point, the burn of the whiskey was nothing compared to how hot and bothered you were making him.
feyre would chuckle as she nods to the boys. "looks like we've got an audience." you'd smirk in return. "we'd better give them a good show then."
you'd take feyre's tattooed hand in yours and guide them to your hips as you grinded against the high lady. she'd throw her head back in laughter, probably at whatever suggestive comment rhys was telling her through their mental connection. the two of you would make a bet on which mate would break first.
azriel would lose instantly. he'd come up behind you without you even realizing that he'd gotten out of his seat while feyre winks and scurried off to dance with the high lord, who was now approaching the dance floor.
your mate's large hands would clamp down on your hips, pulling you against him while he kisses the back of your neck in greeting. "this wasn't quite what i was expecting when you said you were dressing up," he'd say in that cool, husky voice. you'd blink up at him, fluttering your lashes innocently. "you don't like it?" azriel's hazel eyes would darken as he lowers his voice. "i fucking love it. my little kitten."
the nickname coming from his mouth would sound like the filthiest thing anyone on this realm has ever uttered. the scent of your arousal would cloud your mate's thoughts as he breathes all of you in.
you'd chuckle and wrap your arms around his neck, tugging at the cape hanging between his wings. "i honestly thought rhys would come up with something more ridiculous," you'd tease.
azriel would only smirk. "sorry to disappoint, kitten." he'd hook his fingers through the whip tied around your waist and pull you closer. the wicked grin that spreads across his face would be the picture of sin itself. "i guess you'll just have to whip me as punishment."
you'd blush. "you're such a tease, az."
azriel's lips would brush against the shell of your ear. "that's rich of you to say. the sight of you in this costume is enough to bring me to my knees." his hazel gaze would settle over you and you'd know that you were really in for it tonight. he'd turn you around and brush his erection against your backside while you exhale sharply. "is that what you want, kitten? to have me crawling on my hands and knees for a chance to taste you?" his lips would brush against your neck, awakening a familiar aching sensation in your core. "you should know that i'm not above begging."
you'd grind against him as a slew of curses flies out of his mouth. "i'd never dream of making my mate beg," you'd say with a sly smile. "if you wanted to take me right here and right now, you know damn well that i'd let you, azriel."
it's not long before he's dragging you into the men's bathroom. his kisses would be wet and hot, hungry to taste every inch of you as he presses you against the closed door. azriel would taste like whiskey and mint and you'd get lost in his lips as he perches you up on the marble countertop.
he'd be so impatient with the catsuit, zipping it down so that the cool air kisses your bare skin. you wouldn't be cold for long because azriel's then trailing kisses to your neck, collarbone, and breasts, only to stop just below your navel. he'd part you legs further apart and growl at how wet you already were for him. azriel would run two fingers over your slit and your arousal would glisten on his middle and pointer finger before he brings them to his mouth to taste you. "already so wet for me," az says with a grin. "i meant it when i said i'd get on my knees for you."
your mate would quite literally kneel before you and hike your legs over his shoulders. he'd sink the faux fangs into your inner thighs with a smirk before discarding them and eating you out like his life depended on it.
the thing about azriel is that he's a giver. he'd eat your pussy like he'd been starved for years and you were a feast laid out just for him. he knew where to lick, suck, and swirl, his expert tongue knowing exactly what spot to give attention to. azriel would stop at nothing to make you cum over and over again on his tongue.
with your fingers curled in his hair and your thighs clenched around his neck, azriel would make sure to coax you through the peak of your pleasure as your back arched against the mirror and your moans bounced off the walls. he didn't give a damn if anyone heard. in fact, he wanted the entirety of rita's that it was him and him alone that could make you lose control like this.
just as you rode out your orgasm, he'd replace his mouth with his fingers, plunging two of them into your pussy while his thumb rubs circles around your sensitive clit. he'd take great pleasure in tilting your head back and kissing you deeply, swirling his tongue against yours so you could taste yourself on him.
"that's it, kitten. only i can make you cum like this."
you'd pant as he licks up every last drop, kissing the inside of your thighs gently while you rode out your high. his face would be flushed and his lips dripping with your juices as he comes up from between your legs.
your mate is so gentle as he wipes you down, brushing your hair back and making sure to check that you were alright. he'd kiss the top of your head and give you that smile - the one that only you got to see. "i love you so fucking much."
you'd giggle. "i love you too, az."
azriel would beam as he helps you off the countertop. "have i mentioned how much i love this costume on you?" he'd flick the faux ears perched on top of your head. "though i have to say, i think i'd much prefer it on our bedroom floor."
you'd smile. "i think i would too. do you want to go home and test that theory?"
azriel would open the bathroom door, lacing his fingers in yours. "i thought you'd never fucking ask."
#this was...feral of me#but i am not sorry#azriel#azriel fic#acotar#azriel shadowsinger#azriel acotar#azriel x reader#azriel x you#azriel smut#azriel drabble#azriel fluff#masterlist#jess writes
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Maaan, I'm so bad at spotting nature metaphors, what's your favorite to include in your writing?
unhinged_prosody 🕺
Hi! 🕺
I'm putting this under a read more because I waffled on for a fair bit and it's not even about the base game 😭
So I'm including animals under nature because, well, they are nature - and I personify people as animals a lot in my writing (just in general, not even specific to this fic, i do it a lot about myself too, especially in my poetry)
Because we're all just animals! It can be degrading - depending on how it's done - but not all of the time.
I compare Harry to a dog a lot (nothing new there, there's a couple lines in game that reinforce this) but I think my favourite dog guy description came from one of the Kim chapters:
the captain's father; a man so old he should be retired, but sits at his desk chain-smoking. Something he's done for longer than you've been in the RCM. Maybe longer than you've been alive. As you penetrate the haze surrounding his desk his bloodshot eyes rise to meet your own. He reminds you somewhat of a saggy hunting dog, all lethargy and wrinkles.
Because i have no specific appearance in mind for the man (i.e. hair colour/ eyes/ whatever) as it's unimportant. S'more about vibes 👌
Gotta give a shout out to bird metaphors because they formed the theming of these fics in the first place! The peregrin falcon antique shop, references to ducks and geese across fics, the whole scene with the disabled duckling, the name of the case, "Imprinting", the series title "birds of a feather flock together", i just really fucking love birds.
Lmao anyway, you can tell that I REALLY like a metaphor if I turned it into a mind project (not nature related, but same with the "one man castle" thought project for Kim repressing his emotions)
So I'm dipping back into "Imprinting" because this one metaphor formed the basis of me writing over 250k about two fictional detectives last year...:
PROBLEM:
You were a man drowning in the sea of vices.
As you gave in to the waves and consigned yourself to your watery grave a gloved hand pulled you from the brine. *He* cradled your baby bird form in his palm and raised you from the ashes of the phoenix: Tequila Sunset. You have well and truly imprinted upon Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi.
SOLUTION:
You were drowning and he gave you a reason to float.
It's not so much that you imprinted on him, it's that you follow him by choice. You've shed your baby down-feathers and are more than able to walk on your own now, but do you want to?
BABY BIRD
IMPRINTING
DOWN FEATHERS
THE DEATH AND REBIRTH OF A PHOENIX
BOSH BOSH FUCKIN' BOSH 👌👌👌
But my ABSOLUTE favourite nature metaphor at the moment is the flowers metaphor for Kim's repression. Because when I was a teenager up until my mid 20s (going THROUGH it, not relevant) this was my outlook on love and human connection, too:
CONCEPTUALISATION [hard: success] - Don't plant flowers: they'll only wilt.
CONCEPTUALISATION [hard: success] - Love says 'These flowers were cut so you could buy them. They wilt - already - in your hand and that is *your* fault'.
I am now 27 and in the Springtime of my life, this man's 44 and approaching his own no matter how badly he's trying to beat it off with a stick. When I was in my early 20s, I was fairly convinced I would die wholly unloved (even in the beginning of the relationship I am still in!) Not the case! Healing is possible and I truely believe - or rather I know now - that there is no age cutoff.
This metaphor isn't finished yet, but it represents catharsis 🌱
#Thank you!!!!!!#THIS GOT SO LONG SORRY!!#Anyway yes i really like talking about the writing itself if you're ever curious about Themes and Motifs then hmu#Or keeping sending me weird shit it does make me laugh#Jean anon i've been thinking about you all weekend 😭#DUCKLINGS THAT DROWN#IMPRINTING#Hey thanks for the ask by the way#typing this all out just snapped me out of writer's block!
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I’m late with the writers ask🧍🏻♀️
THAT BEING SAID
🎀 - give yourself a compliment about your own writing (do it again🔫🧍🏻♀️)
🤍 - what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?
🪄 - what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?
🕯️ - was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?
And an extra one I made up because I can:
👀 - Do you have any scenes of any of your fics that didn’t make it into the fic?
GLaDOS voice you monster (affectionate)
🎀 give yourself a compliment about your own writing
I’ve literally done this once this week. is that not enough for you? don’t answer that
okay: last time I talked about making writing tangible. this time I guess I want to talk about language, I guess? I try to choose words with a lot of care for feel and connotation so I can communicate the right ideas. editing for word choice feels a lot like running my fingers over sanded material looking for rough spots: I can feel the parts where the words don’t fit, and can usually find something that clicks in more smoothly.
conversely, for tense scenes where I want it to feel abrasive, I can usually find a word for that too. I love to describe, as I’m sure you can’t fail to notice. I’m actively trying to avoid being too discursive with it, so striking a balance between action and feeling and description is a work in progress.
🤍 what’s one fic of yours that you think people didn’t “get”?
I don’t know that I have a fic that fits this description, honestly, except maybe echoes and reflections on a technicality: you haven’t seen enough of the repercussions of the divergence event to see how the au will pan out compared to its original ‘verse. I don’t particularly think that’s a fair answer, though, considering it’s sat at a published prologue and that’s it.
a question of time might be an answer for a similar reason, but not because readers don’t “get” it, so much that I just… haven’t told you everything yet. I’ve been purposefully holding some things back so that, post-finale, if/when you reread the earlier stuff should feel different. I want it tainted by your knowledge of where the story ends up. I want you to see the whole story in a different light for having finished it. I want it to echo in your mind when I’m done.
I… should probably finish writing chapter 8.
🪄 what is you post-writing/sharing aftercare? How to you take care of yourself/celebrate yourself after you’ve finished a fic?
ohhh alright so. I don’t do much in terms of celebrating, really, though I’m usually very happy to publish. it’s exciting. I tend to take a few minutes to reflect, sift through my notes and save them. I save a finalised copy of published fic/chapter bc inevitably I change stuff on the final edit that isn’t in my working doc. then I kinda just coast on vibes for a while. listen to music. think about where I’m headed next
🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn’t think it would take you?
hard? less so, but last call surprised me. I was expecting a quick 5k pwp about Connor banging someone in a bar bathroom and I did not write that
when I started writing it I ended up hitting a block with character personalities, which has already pretty much solidified in my mind, which meant I had to resolve their various flavours of idiocy before I could get to the smut fun part. it ended up being a lot longer and a lot more emotional than I expected, and get a much warmer reception than I thought it would too.
it’s a very self-contained setting too, which was not intentional, and that surprise me but in hindsight—I really didn’t notice that we don’t leave the bar until after I’d finished writing it.
👀 do you have any scenes of any of your fics that didn’t make it into the fic?
oh this is rude bc you KNOW the answer is yes. I write a lot of background that doesn’t make it into the fics, extras that clarify background conversations to help me get ‘voice’ right, or to help make sure I can keep the continuity of non-POV characters’ plot lines. I’ll give you a couple of examples because I’m a tease, but if you want anything more you’re gonna have to ask very nicely
towards the end of last call you’ll find this:
Face under control, or so you hope, you sweep your eyes down the bar. You’re caught at once by Hank and Connor, stuck in an animated conversation that looks very much like an argument. Neither has noticed you.
On your approach you find you can hear nothing at all of what Connor is saying, but the pitch of Hank’s voice carries further. You catch tone first, then words, but the only part that make sense is the phrase something about it spoken as an exasperated rhetorical question, and a softer if you’re sure.
Hank spots you, after that, so you raise a hand in greeting, as you usually do, and bring him the drink he hadn’t had chance to order before.
Neither Hank nor Connor seems to suspect you overheard part of their conversation, but Connor at least still seems lost in thought. Hank and Ben bicker amicably, discussing the music, some case from work, the Gears game from last week.
wonder what they’re discussing? well, Connor mentions it later, but I wrote the conversation in full at some point — Connor doubting himself, Hank telling him that after everything that happened, if he wanted something more than friendship, he was going to have to make that abundantly clear.
sketched out but not fully written as well was Hank scheming a little with Jo: asking about the stock check, how long it would take, was it near the back office behind that sticky door… commenting that it must be quiet back there… laughing into his drink when Connor has his own little lightbulb moment. Connor knows all of this, of course, but takes it a intended: encouragement to, in Hank’s words, do something about it… if you’re sure this is what you want. ✨
a question of time has a BUNCH of loops ideas I didn’t use, but some I’m planning on showing as fragments or messing with more in the finale, so you’re not getting any of that; I have a lot of subsequent notes for let him hear because I got far too carried away with that fic. I have a LOAD of backstory half-written for unbruised, mostly relating to what became of Jericho and it’s people, the fall of CyberLife, and Talia’s association with Connor and Sixty. I wanted good solid groundwork for plot but it’s unlikely to make it into the fic—it doesn’t add much, it’s just useful for little fragments when I need to give context to those relationships.
lastly, and most recently: made for me.
two things I half wrote but didn’t include: nines’ phone call when we meet him for the second time, who he was talking to, what they were talking about; then, later, his entire conversation with Sixty while the others are out of the room and can’t hear them. Let’s say Sixty is perceptive in a way that Nines rather wishes he wasn’t. 😏 He knooooooows that Nines is up to no good ✨
send me an emoji from this fic writer ask meme✨
#I knew this would be long. raya this is your fault#misc: fan works#misc: ask meme#blurredout10#I have so many little fragments I’ve cut#it’s borderline concerning#asks#KISSING YOU#filthy like tho#😏
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Master Post
Hi! Welcome! This is where you can find all of my work and things related to it. There will be links to fanfics, Spotify playlists inspired by some of my fanfics, and some art I made to compliment my fanfics. No comics or anything, I usually go for more artsy stuff than telling a story via art. That’s what Google docs is for!!! Anyway on with the list.
Healing Promises - Completed
Healing Promises is the first fanfic I ever made, so it’s not the BEST quality. I’ve gotten better. The POV moves around a lot and I shoves a bunch of different tropes in here. I tried to make it funny, i don’t think it worked. You can see a summary of it in the link, it’s finished. When I first started writing it, I got inspired by an animatic. So I expanded on that idea, not really expecting it to be a big thing yet. Had no plot planned, it just kinda. Formed. It was SUPPOSED to be a fanfic where Leo faces struggles, confronts some problems, and finally starts the path to healing. But I don’t think I did it right .-. I’m not kidding when I say I WISH I could rewrite this better because it turned into such an interesting plot but I just executed it poorly compared to what I now know I can do. But a lot of people seem to like it so. It exists.
A photo I made for Healing Promises. No I do not care about it enough to add a watermark lol it’s a stupid drawing but I think it’s funny.
The Silly Room - Completed
This story is about Raph’s trauma with the Krang. Specifically the aftermath. He may have gotten rid of the Krang gunk that physically consumed him, but it’s only a matter of time before Krang One works his way back into Raph’s head via the Krang hive mind he’s still attached to and tries to take control a second time. Donnie is working to find a way to stop this,researching what’s going on in the first place, and faces his own fair share of struggles as he watches his brother get worse and worse. As things progress, the use of trigger warnings will become more regular. Mainly descriptions of violence and medical emergencies.
This story has a more cemented POV. Mainly Raph, but I rely on Donnie’s POV for a decent chunk of the story for a bit. It’s more than twice as long as Healing Promises is, and has a better plot and pacing if I do say so myself. I REALLY wanted heavy Raph angst and so I made it and I love it.
This is the cover for The Silly Room. You can find other art for this fanfic under the tag “The Silly Room”.
Here’s a playlist I made based on The Silly Room! Think of it like a trailer of sorts. This is the kind of vibes this story gives off. Fair warning, I was going for creepy manipulative possessive vibes. So if you don’t like that then this playlist isn’t for you. But I love it. Every song has some sort of meaning and was put there purposefully. Some have more meaning than others but they all definitely do. Yes, even the tinker bell song. Not every meaning comes at face value.
This Is Why You Never Go To New Jersey - Completed
This is a Halloween fic I made for this year, it’s just 5 chapters but if you like spooky haunted churches and angst, then you’ll like this.
A playlist for it if you want it :)
What If It Was Raph? - Chapters 5/?
The title pretty much explains what this is about
Turtle Tot Fanfic - yet to be properly named or written
This is basically is Raph, Donnie, and Leo were turned into tots! Like that deleted episode we didn’t get :( except… I make it last through basically all of season 2. I make my own changes, so not EVERYTHING that happened in season two happens here, but I try to stick as close to the important canon as I can. I think I want to start it somewhere between the episode Air Turtle and The Hidden City Job. Not sure where exactly, but something like that.
I actually am looking for someone to help me develop ideas further and fill in blanks for this! Each chapter is going to act as an episode, and the show had more than one person working on things and pitching ideas. So I see no reason why I can’t do the same thing :D! If you’re interested, here’s a link detailing things a bit more. It’s very important that my boundaries are respected if you agree to help me.
When I have content for this fanfic, you’ll find it here!
<3
That’s all for now! I have an Instagram that let’s you know when chapters come out for any ongoing fics I’m working on, right now it’s every Saturday at noon. QR code to that Instagram below because I can’t figure out the link👇
#fanfic#rottmnt fanfiction#ao3 fanfic#angst#ROTTMNT#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#Spotify#the silly room#art#digital art
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@bittermachine sent the deep fic writer asks list to me in Discord and asked a whole bunch of them. I figured I'd go ahead and post my answers on tumblr in case anyone else was interested! And of course anyone is free to ask more from the list as well.
6. what's the hardest part of the writing process for you?
Getting out a first draft. Once that's there the revision and editing process is a breeze, even if involved. But actually getting words down is sometimes an extremely painful task.
7. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?
If I don't receive feedback or support I'll drift along from project to project when my brain decides it's ready to write something. If people vocally support something I've written and say they want more, that tends to get me thinking about what 'more' would look like and sort of guide my interest that way for my next projects.
9. what's your writing process like?
Sit at computer, open Scrivener (which I have customized to look like the AO3 theme I read in, Reversi), open a cherry Bing energy drink, and start writing. From there I tend to have two modes: distracted, where I can't focus for shit and end up tabbing out often to scroll tumblr or twitter so I don't feel like exploding when the words won't come, or hyperfocused, where I'll sit down and write literally all night or until the fic draft is finished. There is no in-between for me.
10. how has writing positively impacted your mental health or overall mood?
I've used it to vent heavy feelings before back when I was writing for the Homestuck fandom, but it's also helped me find a fair few friends I wouldn't have found otherwise. It's a good hobby for connecting with people.
12. What’s your perfect environment to create/write?
Cool but not cold, quiet or with instrumental music that fits the vibe and doesn't distract me, no strong smells unless they're sweet (I'm very sensitive to smells), a dim or dark room, a second screen for research, an ergonomic keyboard and a comfy chair, nobody else around, and an endless supply of Bing energy drinks.
Yes, it specifically has to be Bings. I hate the taste of most energy drinks and tea and coffee but the original cherry Bings are a delightful way to perk me up and help me focus. They're also just part of the routine at this point - I think I pavlov'd myself into only being able to write with them or something, back in my Homestuck days. Something else cold and carbonated can at least help me focus in a pinch if I don't have Bings though - it's really the cold bite and the carbonation that help me more than the caffeine.
13. Do you take pride in your writing, or does it embarrass you? Why?
Pride, of course. Not in the sense that I think I'm better than anybody else, but why would I spend the time creating and sharing something I wasn't happy with? Also I have no shame. Live life free of cringe and judgment.
14. Do you compare yourself to other writers? In a positive or negative way?
Sometimes, and usually in what I guess would be a negative way. Either "wow they write so much, how do they do that?" or "wow, this is so good, I wish I could be that good/write like this." But then at other times I'll come across fic that's wildly ooc or has terrible grammar/spelling/formatting and I'll be like "but at least I'm not *this* bad" and click back out lmao. So it probably balances out.
Occasionally I'll see a fic that's just terrible or has a concept I don't vibe with that has more views/kudos/whatever than mine but in that scenario I tend to just lament for the state of fandom nowadays (old man shakes fist at cloud meme: "so this dreck is what's popular nowadays!?") But I'm aware comparing yourself to others is a bad habit so I try not to do it in either direction, it just manages to sneak through sometimes anyways.
17. What’s the best engagement/interaction/feedback you’ve received from someone who’s read your work?
Hard question but probably the fact that a few of the people that subscribed to me back during my Homestuck years read my Genshin fic even if they don't play Genshin. I personally don't tend to read fic without the context of the series because the interest just isn't there for me, so it's a huge compliment to me that someone would like my writing enough to stick with me through a fandom change.
18. Do you only write when you’re inspired, or do you try and sit down at specific times and write no matter what?
I usually only write when inspired because it's like pulling teeth otherwise, and not worth the time and frustration. It's a hobby, not an obligation. But by 'inspired' I really mean 'focused' because there are plenty of times where I have inspiration but I'm running up against a mental wall when I try to write.
I've been having this issue recently trying to write Foul Eggacy 3 - the whole thing is plotted and outlined, I have 2.5 scenes written, but for the past few weeks every time I sit down to try to write I only get a few paragraphs written even if I sit all night because I just can't focus and the words won't come easily. I'm trying to push myself more than I usually would on this one because I'd like to release it before Baizhu's release in 3.6, but I won't force it. I'm only going to release it before then if it's done and I'm satisfied with it. I want to get it right the first time.
19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include?
I don't really think there's such a thing as an 'ideal' fic but. I guess the dream would be to someday be able to write a longfic of people falling for each other convincingly, with good pacing, a believable scenario, and the hottest fucknasty sex as a payoff for sticking with it. It doesn't have to have much in the way of 'plot' as long as the character and relationship development is good.
I'm just not great at longfic because of my focus and memory issues; I often have to reread what I've already written even in a one-shot fic if it gets too long, to make sure dialogue and tone stays similar throughout a fic and I didn't forget anything. Something like the Foul Eggacy series is already pushing my boundaries since I have an entire AU constructed for it, so I've had to reread the first two fics multiple times while outlining/writing 3 to remind myself what I've already revealed to readers, catch the foreshadowing I dropped, etc. And of course lots of note-checking! But the bigger the work or series, the harder it gets. I have massive respect for people that write good longfic because of my own difficulties with it.
20. What’s the greatest gift you’ve gotten from your writing?
Friends and a degree of confidence! I've met a *lot* of people over the years through my writing, people that came to follow me on tumblr after reading my fic or talking to me in comments, some of who ended up being good enough friends that we talk regularly on Discord.
As for the confidence, I certainly can't say writing fic has 'fixed' my confidence issues, but getting even a kudos, much less a nice comment or a reblog/retweet/rec of my work, really boosts my mood. And it's nice to feel like putting fic out there is giving back to fandoms that pull me through tough times. Like yeah, I'm sure there are plenty of writers I'll never be as good as - but that's fine. As long as I'm putting a net positive into the world with my fics, helping someone get through a bad day by reading about their fave being wrung dry, that's enough for me.
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So... @thosebrookfieldgirls mentioned some of their scrapped pairings for their fic. I have a fair share of my own. I won’t go into spoiler territory for this, but I will say some of them.
I was thinking about shipping Addie (Yuu) with Vil and Malleus, before going with Jamil.
For Vil, some of his actions throughout Pomefiore were so toxic that there was no way that I could justify a romance between them. He later becomes her boss, so that made it even more of a “nope” for me. (Honestly, out of all of the other guys in the game, I think he’s the follow up choice. They share a bit in common personality wise, and they’re both into media/acting. If he didn’t pull that shit, they could’ve been a cute couple. Leona is another possible choice, but that inkling came out more as I worked on Savanaclaw and even then I think their current later dynamic works better as is.)
Shipping her with Malleus felt too cliche. I also altered his role in the fic, thanks to thinking he’s so OP that nothing ever challenges or touches him in the canon and wanting to correct that, so things might play out completely differently in regards to him compared to the canon. (Including one major aspect of his character’s outlook/arc revealed in Book 6, but since my fic is gonna go full on FMA 2003 after Scarabia...which is Book 5 in my series and my worldbuilding is different anyways, I really don’t care.)
I ultimately shipped her with Jamil since they had a lot of chemistry together in my rough drafts. They have a fair amount to connect over, including culturally. (MENA and latin american cultures have a lot more in common than what it might first appear.) He seems like someone who she’d open up too. The idea of a rich girl falling in love with a servant, despite princes and celebrities attending the same school, gives off a ton of Aladdin/Jasmine vibes and is just fucking adorable.
When Book 5 was coming out in Japan for the first time back in the Summer of 2020, I was planning my own take on Pomefiore. As the arc went on, I liked the canon version A LOT more, so I altered my outline to resemble that version more. (Still not doing the same retreatment for the last few for multiple reasons.)
But in my initial draft of that arc, I was gonna make it more like Mean Girls where Epel hates Vil’s treatment of him and tries to get back at him. Like I said, dumb idea for an arc. I like the canon version far more. However, in this version, at one point I was thinking of making a Epel/Jack/Vil love triangle. As the canon arc played out, I noticed that Deuce took a shining to Epel and thought that it would aid both of their development, so I shrugged and went with that instead.
There are also numerous potential side pairings that I’m playing around with as is, which I won’t say who exactly thanks to spoilers, so I might make a follow up posts 5+ years down the line when I finally get to the last arc. xD (God I need to finish my next fucking chapter and get Savanaclaw done before the end of the year...)
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a little jealousy — yoo kihyun
request: hiii! can i request jealousy!kihyun? that song just has me in my feelings lately. maybe smth cute with kihyun noticing reader has been a little close/interested in the other boys (shownu?? hehe) and him trying to be extra appealing and get their attention but reader doesn’t get it until he finally gets all whiny and needy and “please just look at me!”
a/n: just in case i need to say this: being possessive and extremely jealous is not attractive and please don’t treat people like they’re objects you own. this fic doesn’t contain anything like that but i felt the need to bring it up.
word count: 2.1k
content: sub!kihyun, dom!gender neutral!reader, it’s actually not soft dom wow look at me, oral (male receiving), hickies, nipple play, ruined orgasm, you just kinda stare at him a lot and he thinks it’s hot, the first 2/3rds of the fic isn’t nsfw it’s just kihyun being sad :((
summary: kihyun wants your attention, but it always seems like you rather give it to shownu. that changes one night when suddenly he has it all and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.
maybe kihyun is just paranoid, but you’ve been getting way too close to shownu as of late. he doesn’t know if you’ve always been this close, if his growing crush (honestly, it was much more than a crush at this point) was the reason it was becoming more obvious, or if you were doing this on purpose. why do you feel the need to tease and taunt him like this? do you even know what you’re doing?
but… the way you look at him has to be something. you look at shownu with such bright eyes, you seem to lean in closer when he’s talking even though you’re right next to him and you’re literally touching thighs god why do you do this to him—
“kihyun?” you call out, breaking him out of his daze. he glances up at you, worried your gaze can see right through him and read all his thoughts.
“y-yeah?”
“shownu and i are gonna go grab coffee for everyone, do you want one?” you ask. if he didn’t think about what you were saying, he’d be in heaven. you were talking to him and your voice was so soft and pretty and oh my god he was so irresistibly in love. unfortunately, he hears exactly what you say, loud and clear, and it ruins any thoughts of bliss he might have had.
“no thank you,” he mutters, if a bit too harshly. he can’t help the tone, his heart is breaking as he speaks, but he rushes to correct himself when he sees the dismayed look on your face, “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to say it like that. i’m just… having a rough day.”
you soften immediately, “oh, don’t apologize, kiki,” oh the way that nickname rolls off your tongue makes him want to hear you say it forever, “do you want to talk about it?” you ask, sitting beside him with a hand rubbing his back softly.
but this isn’t the kind of thing he can just talk about, not right now, and certainly not with you. he’s both conflicted, wanting all your attention, but before he can even answer, shownu is calling you away, and suddenly you’re already leaving him. you wave, smiling, though there’s still that worried glint in your eyes, but it vanishes the second shownu says something funny, and kihyun is left completely baffled.
—
hyungwon knows what’s up. he always seems to know what’s wrong with kihyun. it’s aggravating, because kihyun doesn’t want anyone to know his pathetic feelings of inadequacy, “i get it, shownu’s taller, more muscular, funnier, nicer, more—”
“i get it, hyungwon,” kihyun groans.
“—but, if you would let me finish, i also think if you would quit being a whiny loser and actually try to woo y/n, at least then you’d have a chance,” hyungwon explains. kihyun visibly loathes where he’s going with this conversation, but hyungwon doesn’t care, “y/n is never gonna notice you while you cry about it to me—”
“but i didn’t cry about it to you, though,” kihyun mutters under his breath.
—
“you look really good today,” you smile, taking a sip from your coffee. kihyun’s startled by your voice, causing the makeup artist to scold him a bit for making her mess up.
“yeah?” shownu smiles back. they were at a photo shoot today, with kihyun was still getting his makeup done when you started talking to shownu. he watches your conversation out of the corner of his eye. when more people in the room start talking, he can’t exactly make out the things you say, but he still sees the way you touch his arm and he still sees the way he looks at you like you’re everything.
because you are.
—
“i can’t believe i’m doing this,” kihyun whispers to himself, pacing back and forth.
to give context, minhyuk had overheard kihyun’s conversation with hyungwon, where he definitely didn’t point out just how much better shownu was. nope. that didn’t happen. minhyuk, being either the gracious friend or the devil that he is, decided he wanted to help, “what’s so bad about it? i think it looks good.”
there’s a lot bad about it. it does look good, to be fair, but seeing himself in this outfit makes kihyun flustered beyond compare, “you know how i was raised, minhyuk! this outfit is too…. somehow it’s both too much and too little,” kihyun yells, “god it’s so low cut. and this jewelry is a lot.”
“kihyun, either don’t do this or stop complaining,” minhyuk says, and kihyun just groans in response. he could just talk to you, like a normal human being, but no. he has to go along with minhyuk’s elaborate plan to capture your attention. this definitely won’t end well.
“fine, but promise you’ll delete the pictures you take afterwards,” he pleads, “this is so embarrassing…”
—
honestly, kihyun was disappointed. you barely did more than a double take— probably because you weren’t used to seeing kihyun wearing such an outfit— but didn’t even question it.
“c’mon, it’s not the end of the world, buddy,” minhyuk rubs his back, trying to comfort him, but it’s not helpful. it’s embarrassing to him to want your attention so badly just for you to give it all to someone else. , “besides, maybe scandalous isn’t their vibe, what if we tried—“
—
and try they did. kihyun really did whatever he could to get your attention, but it just wasn’t enough. you always went back to hang out with shownu, get coffee with shownu, sneak out in the middle of the night to go get snacks with shownu. kihyun was just convinced you were dating at this point, or, at the very least, you had feelings. and it hurt so much, because all kihyun wanted was your attention, your praise, your voice calling his name, and it wouldn’t happen so long as you wanted shownu more. he really tries to not harbor any resentment for his poor clueless leader and friend, but he just can’t.
but here you both are. it’s 7:35 pm, in the kitchen of the dorm, and kihyun is ready to hear ‘oh! kihyun! do you know where shownu is?’. he’s ready to be let down, disappointed, and miserable all night. he’s ready to once again be hit with the fact that you always choose shownu over him, over everyone else, but that doesn’t stop him, ”hey, y/n.”
you hum in response, and kihyun doesn’t know what to do with that. you frustrate him so much, making him want to pull his hair out. your attention is locked on your phone as you type, and kihyun doesn’t want to think about who he knows you’re talking to.
“hey, can we talk?” he murmurs softly, and you look up for a second, before nodding.
“just let me finish this text—”
“please just look at me!” he cries out, and it startles you, but he’s already started so he might as well finish, “i know shownu is more important to you, but please, just once, look at me instead.”
“what does that mean? you’re important to me, kihyun, i just didn’t think…” you trail off, but he’s invested in a response, eyes burning holes into you with their intensity, “i just didn’t think it mattered. you never seemed bothered.”
“yeah, well i was,” kihyun turns around to start pacing again, because god he really didn’t just say that, “i’ve wanted you attention for so long, but no. you always gave it to shownu, you were always with shownu, ‘oh i’m going to the store with shownu, you want anything?’, ‘shownu wanted me to ask you if you wanted us to bring dinner’, shownu this, and shownu that! i’m sick of—” kihyun turn to face you, and before he gets the chance to finish, he sees that you got up from the table seat you were at and are face to face with him. he feel so much smaller and less intimidating when you glare at him expectantly like that.
“you’re so sick of what, kihyun? finish your sentences,” you mumble coldly, and he’s left speechless for a moment, before pulling himself together.
“i’m… i’m sick of not being what he is to you,” he drops his head, because staring at his feet is easier then meeting your gaze. he sees you nod, though he’s not exactly sure why, but then your hands grab hold of his waist, and when he shrieks in surprise, you already have a plan for that. you lean in to kiss him before he makes too much noise, and he begrudgingly pulls back for a moment, “woah, w-what?”
“are you uncomfortable?” you ask, but he shakes his head, “then what’s the problem?”
“i-i’m just confused. why are you…?” he doesn’t even know what you’re doing, all he knows is that he wants it more than anything. he just needs to know why. are you doing it because you feel bad about what he just confessed? do you also have feelings for him and he just severely misread the situation?
“kihyun, i don’t love shownu, i don’t even like him like that,” and kihyun lets out a breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding. it’s like a weight off his shoulders after so long of hold it up, “and you’re prettier, if it makes you feel better,” you murmur, leaning in to kiss his neck, and god he feels so weak. he feels flushed at your compliment, his reaction is so physical that he’s sure you sense the way his body shivers at your words before relaxing with your kisses. your lips against his skin felt like fire and he was dying to get burned.
“oh g-god,” he breathes as you pull him away from the kitchen, into his bedroom. he’s in a complete daze as you kiss him deeply. he kisses back with a feverish intensity, and a soft whine leaves his throat when you pull away.
“tell me if you want to stop,” you mumble, pulling at the hem of his shirt, and he takes the cue to throw it off of him as quick as he can. you immediately make quick work of his chest, making it a beautiful canvas of bruises he doesn’t want to ever heal. he holds you close because god he finally has your attention and he doesn’t plan to give it up now. you kiss his stomach a bit, holding his waist tightly so he can’t squirm even though he’s really ticklish and you know that.
but that doesn’t last long when you’re pulling down his pants and rubbing him over his underwear and god he’s so hard it’s becoming painful. you pull of his pants and underwear until he’s completely naked, and it feels more revealing and more embarrassing because he’s just realized that you’re still fully clothed. however, you seem to read his mind, because suddenly there’s a gentle hand massaging his chest, and though he wants to whimper at the way you’re rubbing bruised skin, he doesn’t, “tonight is about you, kihyun. you wanted my attention, and now it’s yours.”
but he can’t handle this, he can’t handle your intense stare, the way you keep eye contact even when he’s so flustered he has to look away. even as his length disappears into your mouth (he honestly could have cum from just the sight of that), you still keep looking at him. he groans loudly, and he suddenly is aware of how loud he’s been. the others aren’t home yet, but… they will be soon.
any thoughts of the others disappear when he feels a sharp pleasured-pain when your mindless playing with his nipples gets harsh. he could easily cum with just your mouth on him, but you’re doing so much at once, and still staring at him that he’s just left to lie there and take it all. it’s not like you’ve accepted any attempts he’s made to pleasure you at all, so he resorts to just giving in and letting you focus on him, and he swears if you could you’d be smirking right now.
and suddenly, his body jerks, and he cries out loudly. you pull away just as soon as his orgasm is triggered, watching him hump the air helplessly, trying for more stimulation and miserably not getting it. the poor thing looks wrecked already, his hair’s damp from sweat, his hands grasp the sheets so tightly, and he’s babbling nonsensically, “w-why…?”
“oh, poor baby, what’s wrong? you got what you wanted, right?” he supposes you’re right, technically, but that was still so, so cruel, and by the way you’re smiling, he can tell you enjoyed being so mean to him. and the idea that you did was so enticing, “what do you say?”
“t-thank you,” he stutters, and you cup his cheek, cooing slightly.
“don’t worry, little thing, i’m nowhere near done with you and i doubt you’ll be as dismayed as you are now by the time i am.”
—
taglist: @lovingonrepeat @neosincity @sub-hoshi-enthusiest @rosethefae @staranonthoughts @maknaeronix @multidreams-and-desires @mellowriting
#monsta x#sub monsta x#monsta x x reader#monsta x drabbles#monsta x smut drabbles#monsta x smut#monsta x fic#monsta x fanfic#kihyun#yoo kihyun#monsta x kihyun#kihyun x reader#kihyun smut#sub kihyun
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A few thoughts on writing longfic
I’ve had this post brewing for a while and I figured since today is a Friday I might as well let it out into the wild.
First off, this is not writing advice. I don’t feel qualified to give writing advice. This is a few observations I’ve made over the course of trying to write something that feels, well, long. Fandom is full of excellent authors writing long chaptered fic, but I don’t see a lot of people talking about how they go about producing such fics. I remember feeling like long fic was really out of reach for me when I started writing again in the summer of 2019 after not writing for years and years and I wanted to talk a bit about how that changed for me. Of course, this post comes with all the caveats that there is no need to ever write long fic if you’re not feeling it. Some of my favorite authors write mostly or only oneshots! But, if you are interested, here’s my lengthy, self indulgent, and entirely personal take on ~the longfic process~ below the cut.
First, to get this out of the way: long fic is anything that feels long or complicated to you, the author. “I’m working on my long fic” can mean that you’re branching out from microfiction to write something that’s 2k long, or it can mean you’ve got a multi-part 800k epic. There’s no objective measure of if something is “long fic,” Your own personal definitions can also change as you grow in confidence or change your focus as a writer (a little over a year ago when I finished Doubt Thou the Stars are Fire topping out at 31k, that felt very very long to me. Now it feels….still long, but not very very long.)
Here are a few specific things that helped me write something long. I don’t know if they will be interesting for anyone else, but at the very least writing these down has been a fun way for me to reflect on my own process.
Practice exercises. Ok, this is going to sound exceedingly obvious, but writing one shots prepares you for writing chaptered fic. Here’s what I mean more specifically: if you know you want to write (as a totally hypothetical example) a chaptered fic set in America in the summer that relies heavily on a nature metaphors, is written out of chronological order, and features a melancholy tone--it helps to write a few one shots like that before you embark on the Big Fic. Just like artists tend to do sketches before starting a big piece, it’s very helpful to write something small that gives you a feel for the ~vibe~ of what you’re trying to do in the long fic. It’s helpful for all the usual reasons--you get to know a specific version of the characters which helps plan out a character driven plot for the long fic--but it’s also helpful because you will learn if the tone and mood of the fic has enough staying power to capture your interest for the long haul. For instance, I have a few unfinished chaptered fics that have a humorous tone. I wish I had done more short humorous fics before starting them, because I would have realized that I don’t currently have the mental stamina to hold up a humorous tone for the length of a chaptered fic (hopefully that will change and I will finish Last Days some time this century!).
Plan it out ahead of time. I used google sheets for The False and the Fair. I do not think God intended google sheets to be used for fiction, but that was not going to stop me. On a more serious note, I think the best tool for planning fiction is the one you’re the most comfortable with--the notes app in your phone, handwriting, word, google drive, sheets, chalk board, summoning circle, the blood of your enemies, etc. The reason I chose to use sheets is that I knew from the very beginning that I wanted certain things to happen at specific places in the story--for instance, I wanted the first kiss to happen at the end of the first third of the story and I wanted the “reveal” about the mine accident to happen at the end of the second third of the story. But, I didn’t know what was supposed to go in between those elements. A traditional outline for a story at this point in development might have looked like:
Meet cute
Kiss
Reveal
Ending
But, what my brain needed was to preserve the blank spaces in between these story elements, and specifically to preserve the right amount of blank space between these story elements so that it didn’t end up, for instance, that the first kiss was halfway through rather than a third of the way through. In this way, I found google sheets an invaluable tool for pacing in the early parts of the planning process. I simply made 30 rows assuming 30 chapters, and started plugging in the elements I knew I wanted in the locations I wanted them. Then I filled in the blank spaces by asking myself “how do we get from X plot element to Y plot element in Z amount of chapters.” I’m not a mountain climber, but I’ve often thought about the first things that go into the spreadsheet in terms of mountain climbing terminology. In climbing, a crux move, which can be anywhere along the route, is the most difficult move of the route: if you can’t do it, you can’t do the route. I think of the first things that go into the planning spreadsheet as the crux moves of the story, the most important pieces around which everything else turns. It was not an accident that those were also all the first scenes of the fic that I wrote; if I couldn’t do those scenes, I couldn’t do the story the way I planned it so I wanted to know early on if I needed to make changes.
Make changes if you have to: even though it helps to have things planned in advance, don’t resist the story if it tries to change on you while you’re writing it. Usually the feeling that you have to make changes stems from having a plot that is not entirely character driven. As you write the story, the characters reveal themselves and sometimes the plot has to change to change with the characters’ motivations. Here’s an area where fanfic writers have a leg up on everyone else: if you write fic, you already know the characters really well. That means, (in my experience anyway) it’s less likely that you’ll have a surprise character development which leads to a rethinking of the whole plot. Less likely, but not completely unlikely, unfortunately.
Lie to yourself: The False and the Fair was supposed to be 90k words. I thought that sounded reasonable, a little less than 3x the longest fic I had ever written. Now it's 161k and will probably top out a little over 170k. Ooops. But I never would have set out to write something that long. I wouldn’t have thought I could do it, even though anyone more experienced looking at my plans for the fic probably would have laughed at the idea I could cover all those plot points in 90k. Ignorance is bliss. Protect your ignorance.
Scrivener: Long fic for me means “fic that is long enough you can’t hold all the parts of it in your head at once.” That’s where Scrivener comes in (or another app if you’d rather, but I really like Scrivener for the ability to see the project either linearly or as condensed notecards). You can put together an organizational scaffold in Scrivener that allows you to move back and forth between the forest and the trees. So, for instance, you might be going for a jog and come up with the perfect line of dialogue for chapter 27 when you’re only up to chapter 5 in terms of writing progress. With Scrivener, you can go home, and put that dialogue in the “bucket”/index card/whatever for chapter 27 without compromising your ability to see chapter 5 clearly or muddying up your google doc. You can then use the fact that you’ve started writing bits and pieces of the later chapters in conjunction with the tool of lying to yourself that, actually, you’ve written a lot more of the fic than you realize and that when you get to chapter 27 it won’t be as hard as chapter 5 because you’ve put in the groundwork already. In my experience, this lie turns out to be true about 50% of the time, which is better than 0% of the time.
Digestible mini arcs: The False and the Fair was originally broken up into thirds. I thought it would be 90k and 30k was the longest I had written, so thirds seemed to make sense. Also, 3 is a nice, time honored storytelling number. I think it’s good to give yourself seemingly achievable milestones along the way to completion. These milestones (for me anyway) lined up well with the “crux moments” I’ve described. If you’re someone who likes to write out of order, writing your way to an already written milestone can feel like sailing to an island where you get to rest for a bit from the stormy seas before setting out for the next island in the archipelago.
“It's all part of the process”: I’m categorically incapable of describing things without resorting to running metaphors, and so I apologize in advance, but I am now going to do the insufferable thing of comparing writing a long fic to running a marathon. Here’s the thing with a marathon. You are not going to feel good every step of the way. We all know this. It’s a marathon, it’s supposed to hurt a little bit, especially at the end. In the same way you literally cannot write something novel length or even novella or long short story length without, at least at some point, feeling bad about yourself and your writing. But you also can’t run a marathon if the whole thing is agony, and for most people, it’s not--your meat sack shuffling along the course is subjected to the slings and arrows of all sorts of weird body chemistry that only happens when you push it to its limits. So, you’ll be in agony and then the endorphins will kick in for a while and you’ll be thinking “this isn’t nearly as bad as everyone said,” and then you’ll drink some water at a rest stop and feel like a God for half a mile before you crash and you’re in agony again until that one perfect song comes up on the playlist...and you get the idea. Writing something long, for me at least, is a bit like that. There are massive ups and downs. The key for me is to just understand it’s all part of the process, a necessary step on the way to the finish line. If the fic is 10 chapters long, at some point you have to write chapter 5. Just like you have to write chapter 5, at some point you also have to go through a bit of despair before reaching the end. It is unfortunately non-optional. In fact, despairing is something you can check off your list each time you’ve done it. Cut dialogue tags, check. Feel awful about my writing for thirty minutes, check. Write ending section, check. Often I feel that the stress and shame and fear that come with bad emotions while writing are worse than the bad emotions themselves. It really helps me to remember these emotions are all part of the process and nothing to worry about. If I didn’t have them, then I would worry!
I certainly have plenty more to say about writing, but this ramble has gone on long enough. If you’re interested in any of this stuff, please feel free to send me an ask.
I would also love to know more about everyone else’s writing processes, so feel free to pop into my ask box to talk about your own approach too! I am very interested in this stuff!
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Jo’s Top 10 of 2020
I see lots of artists doing that thing where they post a piece from each month of the year... unfortunately my content creation isn’t necessarily consistent and it’s hard to track what month individual fic chapters were posted in, but I figured I’d do something similar and post my Top 10 pieces of content I created in 2020, what they’re about and why I love them. I actually did get a fair amount done this year thanks to the lockdown, but I’ve narrowed it down to these ten that I’d like to reflect on. (To be fair, I’m probably forgetting something huge. Feel free to leave comments if you think I passed over something important lol.)
10. Friendship in the Horde (meta): This is something I’d wanted to write for a while but finally got around to finishing in February. It’s basically a sociology paper lmao, an analysis of the social hierarchies and systems of the Horde. It was also a convenient excuse for me to gush about Catralonnie, an underrated (friend)ship. But honestly this was an important piece for me because I have always identified with the Horde characters way more than any of the rebels (other than Adora, who grew up in the Horde) and part of why is how they are in an unsafe environment and end up forming relationships that are helpful for survival but hinder them psychologically. And I think to understand the Horde characters and really evaluate their motives and choices you need to understand this first.
9. The Sting in My Eyes: On the surface this is just a run of the mill hurt/comfort oneshot, but it was a really important post-canon processing fic for me. I had a lot of feelings about Catra’s relationships with Shadow Weaver and Melog in season 5, particularly about how Catra must have felt really conflicted after Shadow Weaver told her what she wanted to hear all those years but in a way that felt unearned and out of the blue. It was really cathartic for me to write a scene where she struggles with those mixed feelings but has Adora and Melog to help her process them. And I had long associated the song the title is from with Catra and Shadow Weaver’s relationship, and the way she died trying to redeem herself really solidified that connection.
8. Hail Mary, chapter 6: This was supposed to be a short chapter mostly about the backstory between Catra and Scorpia in this au, with some Catradora yearning thrown in. It evolved into a massive, sprawling thing that is very atmospheric in terms of how the setting and vibes are described and how in the moment it feels. Hail Mary is like that sometimes but that type of narration is usually about football games rather than parties, so this chapter was a fun change of pace in many ways. It was really nostaglic for me to write too, the nerves of being a teenager at a party with your crush and how intense everything feels. And the Scorptra stuff really is delicious, it was nice seeing them have that conversation they never got to have in canon and truly make up, and the tiny sliver I added of Catra’s earlier history was heartbreaking in the best way. So this was not what I intended to write, but it turned out way better for it.
7. A Better Son or Daughter (AMV): I’ve done other Adora AMVs, but this one is really my iconic piece. The song is perfect for Adora, so perfect it’s on Noelle’s Adora playlist. The vid itself is a character study about Adora’s mental health struggles and the way she represses them, as well as a tribute to her resiliency and her eventual triumph of getting to a better place in her life. This is a song that gives me a lot of feelings and once I was making it about Adora it gave me even more, so this was a very satisfying piece to complete. I wish Noelle had gotten a chance to see it but oh well, maybe down the line.
6. Hail Mary, chapter 12: This is the chapter that much of the fic had been building to, Catra and Adora in conflict because Catra finally got the chance to be Adora’s hero and Adora shot her down. It’s painfully analogous to canon, both in terms of how (I suspect) Catra felt in Thaymor and Adora’s tendency to victim blame because she’s so pragmatic. There’s definitely some tones of Taking Control in there but Lonnie does a much better job of examining Catra’s psychology and needs than Glimmer did in canon (a writing error imo, Glimmer should have had more insight). Adora just wants to help but sometimes in her quest to do so she disenfranchises others, and this was a much needed look at that aspect of her character. It’s also an excellent illustration of what it’s like to play a peacekeeping role in an abusive household and how stressful it is trying to protect others while also protecting yourself.
5. Unstoppable (AMV): This is not my favorite Catra AMV I’ve ever done, but it might be the cleverest. The soundtrack is a song about mental illness masquerading as a song about being a bad bitch, which is basically Catra in a nutshell. The lyrics are incredibly fitting for her and her arc as it develops over seasons 1-4. The vid itself takes a hard turn in the interpretation of the lyrics, going from talking about how no one can stop Catra to how she can’t stop herself because she’s in such a terrible sunk cost fallacy spiral, and I think I got several death threats over that twist lmao. As someone who primarily deals in angst, there’s hardly a better compliment to be paid.
4. Demons, chapter 31: This one got real dark on me. The concept of this chapter was originally an examination of how comparing abuse can get really dicey but you also have to respect that other people have had different experiences from you and you have to be careful not to equate things or make it sound like you’re talking over someone else. I guess it’s also a bit of a look at how autistic people (like myself) will often explain why they can empathize so others know they understand rather than saying empty platitudes, but that can come off as insensitive or like they’re making things about them. I mean, in this case Adora kinda was making things about her, but she was provoked into it by a parade of comments insinuating she didn’t suffer at all, which was also unfair. Anyway it’s one of the more important Catradora fights in Demons and something I’d written bits of over a year prior, it was that important to the plot, but it also took a turn I was not originally planning. I finished the chapter when I was in a really bad depressive and self-loathing spiral and that bled onto the page, but it worked perfectly for Catra in this scenario... that push and pull of feeling like the world has hurt and victimized you mixed with knowing you’ve done some bad things yourself and feeling like you don’t have a leg to stand on when mourning the ways you’ve been hurt. It’s intense as all fuck but it’s excellent.
3. Hail Mary, chapter 11: Speaking of dark Catra content, this chapter... whew. It was really something else, to read and to write. I have written flashbacks in Demons that are more detailed and even include explicit violence but because those scenes are always in flashback form I never really got the chance to sit in the head of an abuse victim waiting for the other shoe to drop for an entire chapter like I did here. It’s quite different from the rest of Hail Mary stylistically and is both highly sensory and extremely internalized. It took me back to some terrifying moments in my own life so it was difficult but also extremely cathartic to write. It’s important too because it really sets up where Catra was at mentally heading into her big fight with Adora, and that chapter is in Adora POV. This chapter is ranked so high simply because it’s... polished, as @malachi-walker put it. It almost is its own story within the story and really noteworthy as a piece all its own.
2. Demons, chapter 26: This chapter is very similar thematically to Hail Mary 12, just based in the canonverse. It deals with one of the core (but highly neglected by fandom) conflicts between Catra and Adora, where they both need to feel like they can take care of and protect the other but also detest feeling weak or vulnerable themselves. It leads to Adora’s ego making Catra feel disrespected and Catra’s behavior confusing Adora and making her think she’s an ungrateful brat rather than someone who needs so badly to be needed, just like her. There’s definitely some power struggles in this chapter but finally they’re able to get to the heart of it and seeing them talk it out is so satisfying. Getting this chapter published was also important to me on a personal level because, like I said, this aspect of their conflict and relationship is rarely acknowleged for how important it is when really it’s one of the deepest conflicts between them in the series. It’s a scene I started writing pretty much as soon I knew I was extending the fic into something longer because I just needed them to have this conversation, so finishing it was so satisfying.
1. Satisfaction, chapter 3: This chapter took me a really long time to write, both in terms of time to get it published and time I actually spent working on it. It’s the crown jewel of a fic that’s really important to me and I had to get it just right, so I spent more time agonizing over every detail and rewriting things to get them absolutely perfect than I usually do (I’m a perfectionist anyway, but this took it to a whole other level). But in the end it was worth it, because this chapter is damn fine. It’s really hot, as you’d expect from a smut fic, but it’s also an excellent character study of how both Catra and Adora were affected by their abuse and trauma and the issues it raises for them in terms of sex and intimacy. Also, come on, we need more BDSM fics out there that focus on the actual point of it all (the trust involved) and promote communication and do the character work to explain why they might be into it in the first place.
BONUS (from December 31, 2019): One of my favorite pieces of 2020 technically came out in 2019, but I posted it on New Years Eve so most people first saw it in 2020. It’s an absolute banger of an AMV called I’m Not Jesus that’s all about Catra and Adora’s anger towards Shadow Weaver and their refusal to forgive their abuser. Funny enough this came out before Adora’s iconic “I will never forgive you” line, and Shadow Weaver definitely made things more complicated with how she went out, but I think the sentiment still applies.
#2020 recap#happy new year#writing#vidding#fanfic#spop#catradora#demons#hail mary#satisfaction#the sting in my eyes#a better son/daughter#unstoppable#i’m not jesus
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Strictly Confectional.
a/n: part whatever of the prize buck series, slight spoilers of tua season 2 so you HAVE been warned but like if youve read the comics nbd, smut warnings, klaus being sorta dominant for once, slight sensory deprivation kink, unprotected norty bits (wrap it up folx), canon drug references, rehab references, drug use, cursing, the title of this fic is from a lemon demon song which warrants its own warning, my usual run of the mill warnings etc.
Halloween is a fucking ordeal when you work at an occult shop and date a personified ouija board, and that’s putting it lightly. Even more of an ordeal considering Klaus decides to go cold turkey for the holiday week without warning you. Of course it was easy to figure out what was going on. The his and her’s morning joints you typically had resting on the windowsill became yours and yours joints. He had exactly one beer since last saturday, and halloween was still a day away. It was starting to get a little spooky. Your boss Margie hated Klaus on a regular day, claiming he threw off the vibes her store was supposed to give off. She was a highly superstitious woman and you wouldn't put it past her to actually notice if Klaus agitated any of the spirits that were probably attached to the things you sell. Realistically, Klaus’ presence did in fact stir up the spirits in her store. Lots of victorian era mourning hair bracelets and taxidermy probably made before your birth would do that. He always claimed the store was extremely loud, but still liked to visit you when your boss was running errands because you were there, and he can't help that he gets bored easily. Klaus’ being there never went unnoticed by your boss, even if he was gone by the time she came back. But this whole cold turkey thing was new for him. Even Diego and Ben said he had only tried to do this one other time, and it was during the apocalypse that never happened that you still think might have been a case of mass hallucination. You weren't sure what his reasoning for it was, since he was just sober enough to conjure Ben any time enough for you to see him and speak to him, even if he was a glowing blue apparition that you compared to the Tupac hologram from Coachella that only appeared for a few minutes. This week was a lot of Klaus having the usual headaches and shaking that come with coming off alcohol, but probably heightened because you know the ghosts don't just shut up when he wants them to. He hasn't been sleeping well unless spooned by you and hushed to sleep with the cool beginnings of fall air blowing through the window.
Friday morning you get your first cryptic answer as to what's been going on with him.
“The veil is thinner on Saturday, I want to try something I haven't been able to do since the sixties,” is the only explanation he’ll give as he kisses your fingertips and holds the door open for you at the shop. Of course, it has something to do with the sixties. Normally you wouldn't pay much attention to his family’s antics because you knew something was going on there that probably didn't concern you, the exception being that time he pulled you back to the sixties briefly and you were handed a briefcase meant for an old man before ending up back at home. You still aren't sure how you made it back to your shift at work that day but Margie hasn’t looked at you the same since. She probably thinks you're a freak like your partner. Which, fair.
His answer doesn't give you that much clarification, but it's better than nothing which is usually what he gives you in warning for his ideas. But anything testing the limits of his powers is usually good for the both of you, because it's a testament to growth and confidence just as much as the pieces of furniture you're slowly accumulating. Sure, there are still bad days. There are still terrible days for the both of you. The more he learns to control his abilities and the more furnished your apartment becomes, it's almost more like you're becoming real functioning people and you can consider yourselves part of that human race you've heard so much about.
Your shift at work is… different. Friday is typically a slow day, but the holiday weekend packs your store in a way you can barely keep up with. The quiet baroque music generally wafting through the air is interrupted by quiet “ewwws” and “what is that?”s from people who normally wouldn't be setting foot in a store like this being dragged in by their spookier friends. You've sold hundreds more than you usually would, but the quiet almost holy spell of the place is broken today. At least the day passes quickly with all the sales you make.
You can feel Klaus coming before he even presses his face into the glass window, smushing his lips and cheek into the glass like one of those slugs in an aquarium. Maybe there is something to be said about the veil being thin and all that. When his tongue darts out to join the rest of his face on the cold surface, you giggle, but then begin to wonder if you're getting a taste of what all the ghosts see when he tries to get in contact with them. He pulls back and waves before putting a hand on the door, a silent question of if it's safe to enter. You shake your head no because your boss is in the back room, but he only has to wait ten more minutes.
Those ten minutes pass slower than the entire shift before that. Just knowing he’s outside has you almost itching for his touch. Since when were you so needy that ten minutes felt like torture? Blame it on the fucking veil or whatever. Your hands are clammy by the time you clock out and bid Margie goodbye,while she reminds you to show up at work in costume tomorrow. Only she doesn't know you fully plan to come dressed in one of your partner’s silly superhero outfits from when he was a teenager.
Klaus is all too happy to kiss you open mouthed the second your figure is out of your workplace, and you willingly ignore that it's the same mouth he just smeared all over the side of a storefront because you're all too happy to kiss him back. One thing about his little cold turkey experiment that you’ve been loving is how potent his sex drive has become. His hands grip your hips like a vice as you continue kissing on the short three block walk and up the flight of stairs to your apartment and travel down to your thighs as you fumble with the keys in the dark of the setting sun not facing the only window in the building that faces the front door of your apartment. It's always a testament to your will when he gets like this as there's nothing you'd like better than to just ride him on the steps in front of your door, but there's just something about doing it in the privacy of your apartment that you like better.
But it's seconds before you feel the key sink into the hole and the tell tale click of everything being pushed into place, and the door gives way almost not soon enough for the two of you to clumsily barrel through it. Now Klaus under normal circumstances is a sexual being, but this cold turkey sobriety and focus is new, and makes you feel wanted- maybe loved- in a way you've never felt before in your life. It's not just that he wants to get off, he wants you. He wants to get off with and for you. Specifically you. Which is the sexiest feeling in the world, you've decided.
You barely put your bag down before he's pulling your coat from your shoulders behind you and growling in your ear.
“Now we’re trying something new tonight, okay baby?” you barely get out an affirmative nod before he finishes, “good, just trust me, I've got you in safe hands.”
You let him take the lead as he strips you bare in the middle of the studio apartment, which feels much bigger than usual, maybe because he’s still fully clothed. His movements are greedy, hands sparing no touch on even an inch of your skin, grabbing and caressing as if it was his property, which in a way, you'd be glad to grant him ownership. He takes control of you, your body not moving in any direction he does not will himself.
“Close your eyes,” he whispers as his hands find their way to your chest, and you do. You hear him sigh, and maybe a breath of “that's right” as his hand slides up to touch your face, making sure you listen to directions as well as he wants you to. You can hear him start to breathe a little heavier as he presses his leather clad crotch into your ass. He chuckles as you return the pressure, wiggling your hips a little to entice him, before he spins you around and presses your hand into the buttons that hold his pants up on his bony hips. Your eyes are still closed, that’s good, he thinks as he rewards you with a kiss. Your hands make quick work of the buttons, despite your impaired senses, and he shimmies the pants to his ankles, where his boots prevent them from falling any further.
“Wait a tic- wait, just…” he trails off and falters a little, you notice, before commanding you again, “stand there and touch yourself. I gotta get these boots off but if you open your eyes it'll ruin what I have planned for us.”
You comply and focus on the smells and sounds of the room as you part your legs a little further and trail your fingers down. There's a heady scent in the air from stale weed smoked this morning and the sickening sweetness of the strawberry hookah set out and packed for tonight, which now would probably be left to the wayside, you note, as you feel wetness collect on your fingertips even at first contact. You focus on the sound of his laces as they smack the hardwood floor as your middle finger rubs slow calculated tight circles on your clit. You don't dare pick up the pace or try to touch yourself in earnest at first, unsure of his intentions for the night as a soft sigh of a moan leaves your parted lips. You hear a loud dull thud, and then another. He must be done, you think, as your fingers pick up the speed, just a little, just enough to make you whine at your own actions. And he is, his boots are discarded near the door, but this isn't a view he's going to give up that easily. Its not every day someone is obeying his commands, fucking themselves and whimpering his name uninhibited like this. He smiles as he watches, and you can feel his eyes on you. You wonder what you must look like, shameless, wanton, on display for him. But then you feel a hand wrap around the wrist of the hand that's between your legs and he pulls it away from your body. Then the chill of the fall air hitting your wet fingers, then his wet mouth engulfs them, sucking. The action sending shockwaves up your arm to the joint of your shoulder, the entire arm pliant for him to use as he wishes. This is what being with Klaus does to you. Your body instinctively wants him to use it. Once he's content with licking every drop of you off your fingers, he moves your hand from his mouth to on his shoulders, and surges up to gather you in his arms, yours moving to grab him and stabilize yourself in return. He carries you to what you assume is your bed and settles you on his naked lap, his hard cock finding shelter between your thighs. He kisses you hard and deep, focusing on his tongue greeting yours, then pushing it out of his way as he explores your mouth. You've been so good, keeping your eyes shut for this long, and tells you so as he grinds up, the head of his cock just barely brushing against where you want him most.
His hips rock up and down, up and down, tantalizing and teasing you. Your moans and keens whenever he happens to hit the mark are music to his ears, something he holds so incredibly dear to him. Even with your eyes closed, when he looks up at them he can still see the love behind them. It's an acceptance he’s been struggling to find in modern times, until you. It’s the full trust you give him with your body and mind. He remembers every scrap and detail you’ve given him since he first tucked you into bed that day in the clinic, and hoards it like treasure. The way you’ve slowly opened up to him like dropping a trail of breadcrumbs for him to follow, your willingness to work to give him what you can. You’re guarded for a lot of the reasons he’s so open. But you make the choice to be open to him, and he’s thankful. And as he shifts your bodies to thrust inside you, as your mouth falls open into an ‘o’ shape, he decides he wants to take everything you’ll give him, bask in the affection you readily shine on him, as long as you’ll shine on him. Tonight he wants to impress you.
You’re being so good, really so good. You haven’t opened your eyes once, not even to peek. You’ve just held on tight and let Klaus take the lead. It’s kind of kinky; really. Letting him be in control, losing one of your senses, blindly kissing the parts of skin you can reach, which you think is his chest and shoulder. Even as he shifts you, holding your legs now as he shifts the position a little more. It’s not uncomfortable, but never a position you’ve been in before. You can tell by the way your thigh muscles quietly burn that you’re pretzeled up in his lap, with him thrusting deeply up into you.
The way his thrusts hit inside you is delicious, each time he bottoms out earns him another moan falling from your lips against his skin, always vocal for him. This time your moans are uncontrollable, the way he controls the action is undeniably sexy and undeniably the Klaus of it all, the way he can toe the line between gentle and rough, the care he puts into every motion. He makes sure to use his entire body to get you off, and tonight he’s really trying to go above and beyond.
“Okay-“ a moan from deep in his throat, “open your eyes. Don't scream!”
The first thing you see is the blank white smoothness of the wall, specifically where it kisses the ceiling. At just above eye level. Your head has to be, what, inches from the ceiling? and. wait. What?
If you weren’t clinging to him for dear life, you certainly were now. He hisses then groans at the feeling of your nails digging into him, sure to leave shallow little crescent moon marks on the tops of his biceps. The ceilings are tall enough that Klaus can stand on top of it without his head brushing the ceiling, and you were somehow floating right up there.
Immediately Klaus sees the panic that crosses your features and shushes you, comforting, but not unlike how someone tries to calm a child or a pet.
“Hey, look! I haven’t levitated since 1963. I thought it would be a nice surprise, I can stop if you need, we can lay down,” Ever the sweet man, he’s instantly trying to make sure this is okay or if he’s crossed a line. But you shake your head no. Honestly, fucking freaky at first, but then its fucking freaky, and you are down with it. Up with it.
“No, no... I like this. Do your worst.”
The words are barely out of your mouth before he leans back, bringing you with him. Now you can sit up, and give your body a little bit more space than he had been giving it before. You figure you could ride him like this and push against the ceiling for support, which actually, was Klaus’ whole idea behind this. Great minds think alike or whatever. So as he keeps thrusting you start to shift your hips back to meet his. It’s weird not having anything below you for leverage for your legs, but maybe if he does this again you can figure something out.
Instead it’s this steady grind, him up, you down. Now its less of an honest to god fuck and more of a writhing midair to make each other come.Instead of his worst like you’d asked, its incredibly intimate in a way you usually aren’t. But that's enough for the both of you. The ceiling does wonders to help your arms press you down into his pelvis, rocking yourself up and down on him while your legs dangled. You were honestly impressed by the way he was able to keep himself so horizontal. Maybe his being trained in combat as a teen gave him core muscles you didn't realize he had. All of these thoughts of muscles are quickly swallowed by Klaus, Klaus, and nothing but the way Klaus was making you feel at this very moment.
If any one would have seen the two of you climax, which happened at the same time for once in the hundreds of times now that you'd fornicated, one would have seen from the top of your window two legs go rigid before two bodies floated down back to where human bodies should be with surprising grace, the owners of those bodies kissing everywhere one each other that they could reach. He kissed your neck, your chest, your face, long strong fingers brushing your hair soothingly as his back hit the mattress. He slides out of you unceremoniously, at which you pout at the loss of him, but only to shift and tuck you into his side as his arms still cradled you close.
“So, as lovely and thrilling as that was, why did the veil or whatever need to be thin for you to do that?”
“Well, it didn’t, but I wanted us to get in the holiday spirit a little more, like that scene in Poltergeist.” He punctuates the sentence with a kiss to your temple as he slides off the bed, and gingerly walks over to the kitchen. He’s turning on the stove, then using tongs to place a coal onto the heat.
“If I torch this for hookah, will you take this bowl with me?” as if everything that just happened was commonplace. An everyday occurrence.
All you can do is nod.
#klaus hargreeves x reader#klaus hargreeves imagine#klaus hargreeves smut#klaus hargreeves fanfic#my work#prize buck series
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So @captain-aralias did one of these and invited other writers to do the same. And I wasn't really going to because it feels a bit late now and also I've done quite a few other year in review posts for 2020. But then I got to thinking that it would be really nice to have one of these for each year to look back on and compare, which convinced me. So, here we go!
If you’re a writer, I’d also encourage you to steal this. Tag me on your post so I can see your thoughts! 🥰
List of Complete Fics for 2020
1. At the Top of a Tower, With You- General, 900 words
2. Use Your Words- Teen, 16k
3. A Man of Letters, or Five Times Baz Retreats and the One Time He Doesn’t- Teen, 54k
4. To the Manor Borne- Teen, 43k
Total: 4 fics, 113k words
Every one of these fics was written for an event, which, realistically, is the only reason they got finished. I have so many ideas I'm working on all at once, and I came into fandom with a focus on making art, so to actually find the motivation to sit down and write/finish/post a fic was entirely deadline based. And it's a technique I'm sure I will also employ in 2021.
Best/Worst Title?
Well, I've mentioned a few times before that I usually have a title before I have much in the way of a fic concept. I don't really dislike any of the my titles, because they all did exactly what I needed them to do, which was help me focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the fic. Comparatively speaking, though, I can answer this.
Best: Use Your Words - succinct, idiomatic, a book quote/motif that also has the potential to be a spell, does what it says on the tin, is probably what all of us are constantly yelling at Baz and Simon to do throughout the books and the fic itself
(Honorable mention to A Man of Letters because that title forms a perfect heart shape when viewed on mobile on AO3. ❤️)
Worst: At the Top of a Tower, With You - this is also a quote and it fits the fic perfectly, but it is a bit of a mouthful and it has a comma in the middle of it, which, while I love commas, feels a bit off-putting in terms of a title - also, it's always kind of bothered me that it's a Baz WS quote used for a CO-era Lucy POV
Best/worst summary?
Again, I don't really dislike any of my summaries.
Best:
To the Manor Borne: The gang decides to spend Christmas together at Pitch Manor. Romance, hijinks, and holiday cheer ensue.
Anything that lets me use the word hijinks is always good! - it's short and sweet - it does a fair job of setting up the premise for the fic and giving highlights, without giving anything away
Worst: A Man of Letters
I'm not going to include this one because it's so long, I had to cut down the version I posted on tumblr to fit in the AO3 field, which is really why I rank it below my others - it effectively sets up the world of Simon and Baz in Regency England prior to where the story starts, but it is prohibitively long - and it's set up, not summary, so it also loses points for not doing what it purports to do - I could have said exactly what this fic was in one sentence: "Simon and Baz meet at several Regency-appropriate venues over the course of a London season and reflect on their acquaintance in letters", but instead I did the full book jacket version because it was more interesting to me.
Best/Worst First Line?
Oh, this is interesting. I can honestly say that I have no idea where this will go. Going to pull up my docs and find out! Okay, since I only have four fics to consider, and I'm feeling split, I'm going to do two for each. I feel good about my words, but I will say that half of my first lines actually provide information, and the other half are incomplete thoughts. Those were stylistic decisions I made, but when taken alone, it does somewhat limit the effectivness of a sentence when it can't stand without the rest of the paragraph. Perhaps that decision will lure readers in for more?
Best:
In the end, we wind up at Pitch Manor. (To the Manor Borne)
I know that you won't be surprised when I tell you that I do not like writing letters. (A Man of Letters)
Kind of interesting that these both contain key words from the titles 🤔
Worst:
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this. (Use Your Words)
I love how the title seems to be answering Baz's question when the two are put together like this 😂
Strange that it should end here, where it all started. (At the Top of a Tower, With You)
The title also seems to complete the first line in this one, too. I'm learning about my writing as this goes on, so that's cool!
Best/Worst Last Line?
Hmm. Okay, again, no idea. Also, a little leery of including last lines for anyone who hasn't read the fics they're from yet. (Tho I guess it's unlikely those people would be reading this😆) But let's see what we've got.
Use Your Words and A Man of Letters have very similar final lines, and both are somewhat spoilery.
Best: The ending of A Man of Letters felt risky to me, in the way that it is formatted and changes tone from the rest of the story. It was something that happened as I wrote it and I loved it. I had no idea if readers would like it, if they would feel like it worked as an ending, but I felt strongly enough about it to let the entire fic hinge on that and I think it really paid off. So, without giving you the actual last line, which is only one word, I'm going to say that one is my best ending.
Worst:
To the Manor Borne: "Carry on, Simon."
It's not bad, it's just not mine.
Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, fewer than you thought, or about what you predicted?
I did not set out to write any fics in 2020. I was supposed to be taking a break from writing. I've been an aspiring novelist for half my life now, and have been going through major ups and downs with my writing. I decided I needed to re-evaluate and figure out if writing was something that was even going to be able to make me happy anymore. The answer is: YES! Just…not original fiction. At the moment. I'm happiest when I can write for the sake of writing and not have to DO something with that writing. Which is why discovering fan fiction was AMAZING!!!! 🥰🥰🥰
To actually answer the question, yes, I wrote more than I thought I would. I also wrote exactly as much as I thought I would, simply because these were all things I signed up for (with the exception of my Countdown fic, but I committed to it as if it were something that required a sign up).
I have a lot more ideas for 2021, but I don't know how many of them will come to fruition. I'm not putting pressure on myself to have to do anything beyond what I sign up for again, because it did work out so well for me starting off.
What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?
I mean, the pairing and the fandom were in no way a surprise. 😆 They're my only ones, so those were both a given. The genre is also not surprising.
What's your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest?
A Man of Letters, without any hesitation. I adore it so much. It's the kind of fic I know I will unabashedly sit down to read over and over, even if I'm the one who wrote it. I had one reader to please and it was ME. By far, my most self-indulgent fic.
Okay, NOW your most popular story?
That depends on the metric.
To the Manor Borne leads in Comments (107), Kudos (153), and Hits (1992), and Use Your Words leads in Bookmarks (26).
But since To the Manor Borne is top in 3 out of 4 metrics, I'll say that one.
Story most upderappreciated by the universe?
I mean, the least popular by a wide margin is At the Top of a Tower, With You, but I don't know if I'd call it underappreciated. It's short, it's angsty, it's got a very unusual style, it's Lucy POV, it's the first fic I wrote and posted. I didn't really go into it with high performance expectations. I'm proud of it, I just didn't expect it to be popular. It would be nice if more people read it, but I'm not broken up over it.
Story that could have been better?
I'm not even going to touch this one. Everything can always be improved upon, but if I go down that route, nothing will ever be done. This is one of the things I have come to appreciate about traditional art versus digital. With traditional, there is only so much you can do before something is permanent and you have to live with it. It's an exercise in letting go and acceptance. Digital is flashier and more flexible, but I could (and have) spend months on a single piece and never feel satisfied, never stop tweaking. I think that's also the reason I started to hate my novels.
Sexiest story?
Based purely on overall vibes, I find the understated tension of the Regency the most appealing, so I'm going to say A Man of Letters. I didn't actually stray into sex territory in any of my fics (though Simon and Baz have had sex by the time To the Manor Borne starts, and refer to it, and probably do it "offscreen"), but A Man of Letters is the one that feels sexiest to me. Lots of thirsting!Baz and feral!Simon and sensual hand touching (how risqué!) - and YEARNING. That, to me, is the sexiest vibe of all. So. Much. Yearning.
Saddest story?
At the Top of a Tower, With You - for this one, I tagged "angst without plot" and I stand by that. It's Lucy losing her connection to Simon at the end of CO and trying to find a way to reconcile herself to leaving him alone again. I gave it as much of a hopeful bent as I could, with the refrain of Baz's spoken "love" to cling to, but it's very sad.
Most fun?
To the Manor Borne - All of my fics have their fair share of angst, but this one also has some good, silly, holiday fluff thrown in. Since I wrote it for the Countdown, each chapter was based on a different prompt, which led to this one going in all sorts of directions no single fic probably ever should. Plus, it has the most Shepard, and Shepard always makes things more fun.
Story with the single sweetest moment?
Oh my god. I don't know. No, never mind. I do. It's To the Manor Borne, but it's split between the two gift giving scenes, the Constellations and Secret Santa/Gift Giving prompts. These were private moments between Simon and Baz, sharing themselves with each other, being vulnerable, and communicating. It's the gifts they give each other, yes, but it's more so the reasons they chose those gifts, and how they show part of themselves and share their love for each other, through those gifts, that had me in tears writing those two scenes. I'm super proud of them.
Hardest story to write?
Use Your Words - it was written for an exchange and that made it really hard to write it knowing there was this pressure of making my gift-ee happy with the fic. I'm proud of it, and they really liked it, but the anxiety was too much for me.
Easiest/most fun story to write?
A Man of Letters - if there is a fic better suited to me as a writer, I haven't met it. I started writing after reading Pride and Prejudice in high school, so I started out writing Regency and I spent years and years and years of my life obsessed. When I transferred into college, an administrator I had never met before heard my name during orientation and said, "Oh, you're the Austen scholar." (It is a small, private college, and I was a transfer, so the pool of students was even smaller. But still. Many years later, I'm clearly not over it.) I also did my senior thesis on an epistolary novel (Frances Burney’s Evelina), and my English Lit emphasis was for that time period. So, I felt like I had been preparing for this fic my entire adult life. 😂
Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?
I don't think so. I tend to let my writing be dictated by the characters, so I'm always following their lead. Sometimes they'll do or say something that surprises me and takes me down a route I didn't necessarily foresee, but I don't think there was ever a point where one of them did something that made me rethink who they are as a character.
Most overdue story?
I will say A Man of Letters, since that one felt like a culmination of my seventeen-year-old self's wildest writing dreams. But I should probably say the Scooby Doo AU I still haven't managed to finish, because that one has been a WIP since I joined the fandom. Oops. (I'm hoping when I look over this in a year, I can feel smug that it's finally done.)
Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?
Writing at all was a risk for me! And writing fan fic for the very first time! Writing an entire fic told only through letters. And then ending it in a completely different style from the rest of the fic. Doing a multi-chaptered fic for the Countdown, using a different prompt for each chapter, and publishing a chapter every single day for thirty days (with the exception of two days that had art). Signing up for fandom events in the first place!
What I learned from taking risks in my writing is the same thing I learned when I took risks in my art this year. I have a much better appreciation for what I've done when I push myself, I feel better about the end product, and I like it longer. I think it's really good for me to challenge myself creatively.
This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most?
Oh boy. Um. Therapy! Both Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne had their big HEA moments built around sending Simon and Baz to therapy. I don't think that's likely to change for future fics, either. I feel like therapy as the theme for 2020 seems very fitting. (Also, I think I keep sending the boys to therapy because I'm trying to get myself there…)
What are your fic writing goals for next year?
Just to write what I want to write, have fun, not put any pressure on myself, and to take risks in my writing and my art because it will help me to grow.
#fan fic year in review#my fic#at the top of a tower with you#use your words#a man of letters#to the manor borne
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All of My Wrongs - Chapter One
Pairing: Topper x OC and Rafe x OC
Summary: As her first day in the OBX comes to a close, she finds herself getting to know one of the two boys. She begins to analyze him and articulate certian feelings and she likes the dynamic they have going on. Yet, she’s still cautious. She doesn’t want to just dive into the first friendships she’s ever had.
Word Count: 2.7K
A/N: Sorry if these first chapters come off as boring. Its going to be a slow moving fic in order for me to really build connections with the characters. I really like it though and I hope you do too... Let me know what you think! I really want some feedback on this...
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I sat on the edge of Toppers bed and stared at the two boys in front of me. They put off extremely different auras. Topper was softer, less guarded than Rafe. However, he was much sadder in a way. He seemed troubled and anxious all the time. Rafe just seems frustrated with the world. He had tense muscles and rage in his veins. Both of them let their flaws surface. They didn’t know how vulnerable that made them. They didn’t know how their flaws could be used against them.
“So, Aurora,” Rafe said. “You never answered me. What’s your story?”
“What do you want to know?” I asked. Rafe took a seat next to me on the bed. He pretended to make a thinking face and if my eyes could roll any harder, they would’ve. He told me to tell them whatever I was willing to. That was so vague, where do I begin? Is this how normal people make friends? By asking vague questions and judging their answers.
“If you’re so interested in her, can you take her back to your house? My mom will kill me if she found out I snuck a girl in,” Topper said. “Especially if that girl isn’t Sarah.”
Topper basically shoved us out of his front door and I sighed. I knew my parents were going to kill me for not being at home in the morning, but Skip did lock me out… I listened to Rafe ask me if I was coming. I scoffed and ran through the rain to his car. I slipped in and shivered a bit. His car was messy and filled with fast food wrappers. My nose wrinkled at the smell of gym clothes in the backseat. He apologized upon seeing the look on my face and told me that he wasn’t expecting company tonight. He laughed and asked if I was hungry. I felt my nose wrinkle up a little bit and wondered if he was going to offer me a leftover, but instead we pulled into a McDonald’s. I hadn’t even noticed I was hungry until he mentioned something, but I also didn’t have any money.
“What do you want?” he asked. He glanced over at me and I told him I was fine. He continued to ask and told me it was on him. He didn’t seem like the handout type though and I couldn’t figure out if I wanted to be indebted to him or not. Finally, I gave in and told him I would take a mcnugget meal. “Was that so hard, buttercup?”
I rolled my eyes at his sarcastic tone and reached for the bag. He easily pulled it away before I could grab it though. This was a game to him. I could tell by the way his eyes stared at me. I felt my stomach rumble and crossed my arms over my chest. I didn’t like the fact that he thought he would toy with me. Usually, I wouldn’t be so irritated, but it was late. I was wet and tired, but more importantly, I was hungry. We pulled into his house and somehow it was even bigger than Topper’s. He snuck me up to his room, which was surprisingly neat compared to his car. I sat down at the desk and waited for him to give me my food, however, he only took out his and unwrapped it.
“Let’s play a game,” he said while taking a bite out of his burger. “You can have your food when you answer some questions for me, fair?”
“What do you want to know?” I asked again. This time he looked at me with intent. He asked me why I moved here and how we had money. It felt almost like a business inquiry more so than the beginning to a friendship. He was curious about my status and trying to figure out if I was a good addition to his inner circle. He was looking at me as if I was an investment. He opened his mouth to ask another question, but I interrupted.
“Are you aware that you give off a Chuck Bass vibe?” I asked. He asked me who that was. I asked him if he had ever seen Gossip Girl and he shook his head. He said it had “girl” in the title and therefore it wasn’t for him. The more I observed him the more I saw it though. The cold exterior that hid his deserve to be accepted or some other insecurity. He was definitely the type to put people down or push people away to cope with his own issues. “Don’t worry about it, Bass. Know this though, I’m no Blair Waldorf.”
He asked me if I gave everyone bad nicknames. I ignored him and asked him if I could have my food yet. He wasn’t done with his questions though. He asked me about why I moved so much. He asked me things that were a little deeper than the general get to know you questions. He wanted to know what I wanted after high school. He asked about my dreams. He asked me what made me insecure. He was trying to find my weaknesses. He was one step behind, because I had already figured out his.
“Rafe, can I please have my food? I'm really hung-” my words were cut off by a sneeze. I shivered as his ceiling fan blew cold air down on me. Even though I was in Topper’s sweatshirt, my shirt underneath and my shorts were soaked and freezing. His expression softened as he tossed me the bag. I opened it up and ate some cold fries. I watched as he rummaged through his drawers. I shoved a chicken nugget in my mouth as a pair of sweatpants smacked me in the face. He told me to change and walked out of the room. I let out a small laugh as I realized he was trying to be nice. I slipped out of my wet clothes and into his sweatpants. I removed my top and bra before sliding Topper’s hoodie back onto my smaller frame. I let out a yawn as I finished up my meal. I looked around and wondered if he had just left me here for the night.
Just as I was about to lay down on the bed in front of me, he waltzed back in with nothing but a towel around his waist. I covered my face, embarrassed, causing him to chuckle at my innocence. He closed himself in his closet to get changed as I tried not to think about his finely painted abs or how his hair looked wet. I had to admit that Rafe was handsome. He came back out in boxers and a t-shirt on. He plopped down on his bed and waited for me to lay down.
“Um… is there like a guest room I should go to?” I asked, nervously.
“You’re not as snarky now,” he pointed out. “Just lay down, I’m not gonna touch you. Well, not unless you want me too.”
If I could smack that smirk off of his lips I would. I hesitantly got into bed, my mind swirling with all the thoughts about waking up next to a boy in the morning. I pulled the covers over me and tried to find warmth, but my skin still felt like ice. I shivered a bit and heard him sigh.
“C'mere,” he mumbled, opening his arms up a little bit. I looked at him and he let out another dramatic sigh. “It’s just for body heat. You can push me off whenever you feel like it. I just can't have you getting all sick in my house. It’s not like I’m into you or anything.”
I moved closer and his arms wrapped around me. I smiled knowing that this was his attempt at being nice. My body unconsciously cuddled closer into his chest. I breathed in the sweet smell of his body wash as he held me against him. Everywhere his body touched mine was burning now. It felt like flames against my skin.
“You’re weird…” he mumbled to me with a chuckle. I pushed at him a little bit. “Hey, not in a bad way… Just not in an Outer Banks way.”
“Sorry I don’t fit your standards,” I said sarcastically. I was used to not fitting in. That was nothing new to me, but when he said that, my heart sank more than usual. I wanted to fit in here. I wanted to stay here until I went to college.
“If you want to fit in, you have to come to Midsummers,” he said. I asked him what it was and in all honesty, it sounded like a nightmare. The rich kids and their families getting together to honor people for doing nothing? It sounded like a joke. “Trust me, you’ll hate it. But, if you wanna fit in, I’ll take you. Show you the ropes. You can be my plus one.”
“Okay,” I said, after thinking for a while. I glanced up at him and his eyes were closed. His face was so close to mine though. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried not to think about how I was cuddling with a boy I didn’t even know. I tried not to think about how I just agreed to see him again. Instead, I just kept my eyes closed and drifted off.
The next morning I woke up to the sound of his door opening. My heart leapt out of my chest as his arms tightened around me. He groaned as the light filled his room.
“Dude, were going to be late for our tee-time!” I heard a familiar voice say. “Holy shit, man. Hey Aurora… You coming golfing with us?”
I pushed Rafe off of me and sat up embarrassed. I greeted Topper and tried to ignore the embarrassment burning my checks. I told him I’d rather die than go golfing. He smiled as he looked back and forth between Rafe and I. I rolled my eyes and told him I had to use the bathroom. I walked down the halls when a girl popped out. She looked my age and she stopped in her tracks when she saw my sweatshirt.
“You must be the girl who was with my boyfriend last night,” she said, sizing me up. I let out a laugh as I recognized her from photos in the house. She must be Rafe’s sister and Topper’s girlfriend.
“Actually, I’m the girl who’s accompanying your brother to Midsummers,” I said firmly. I didn’t want her to see me as a threat. I watched as her face flushed with pink and her words then became flustered.
“O-Oh! I’m so sorry,” she said. She extended her hand. “I’m Sarah Cameron.”
“Aurora Lansing,” I said. What was with everyone and handshakes here? She smiled at me and told me that she had to run, but it was nice to meet me. She seemed nice, but something about her gave me the impression that we wouldn’t get along very well. I went to the bathroom and made my way back to Rafe’s room. The boys were in there, waiting for me. I gulped, knowing that I was about to get my introduction into country club life.
I shifted uncomfortably as I say in the golf cart. My arms were crossed over my chest as I watched them joke around. I could name at least six different places I would rather be than at a golf course. I pulled awkwardly on the short skirt I was given and sighed. I narrowed my eyes on Topper. So, he was dating Rafe’s little sister. She seemed into him from the impression I got this morning, so why was he so worried? Then my eyes shifted to Rafe. I noticed that there were endless pictures of Sarah in the house, but how did that leave any room for him? I just couldn’t quite figure these two out.
“You having fun yet, buttercup?” Rafe asked. He leaned against the cart and swung his club a bit.
“Ha as if, Bass,” I muttered. “Why am I here?”
“So we can bond, obviously,” he said, with a chuckle. He threw his head back when he laughed. It made me smile. “So, do you have plans tomorrow?”
“No…” I said.
“Great, let’s go dress shopping for Midsummers. You're going to need my help. Plus you have to match my suit,” he said. I laughed when Topper yelled over that it was awful. I watched as Rafe’s expression changed. “Hey, buttercup. Can you go get me some water from the clubhouse? Just put it under Ward Cameron’s tab.”
I looked around to see what he saw, but there was nothing there. I nodded and drove off. I parked outside of the building and looked around. This was nothing like what I had ever done before. Usually I would be helping with hurricane relief right now, but instead I was partying with the upper class. It felt a little wrong to be honest. I wondered what my parents would think when I got home. I grabbed a water and told them to put it under Rafe’s dad’s tap. They didn’t even think twice.
On my way back, I was driving down the path when I saw a boy on the ground. I slammed on the breaks and got out, helping him sit up. He was bleeding pretty badly.
“Are you okay? Can you walk?” I asked. He looked at me with a confused glance. He told me he was fine. I wondered why he was being so cold. “Hold on, I’ll go get a first aid kit!”
He stopped me though. He told me that he didn’t need my help. He dismissed me quickly, getting up on his own. He told me he did take handouts and that I should go back to sipping lemonade by the pool. He walked away quickly as I stared at his back, jaw dropped. I was just trying to be nice. I scoffed at the interaction and slipped back onto the cart, trying to find Rafe and Topper again. They were finishing up their hole.
“Took you long enough,” I heard Rafe say. “Did you get lost?”
“No…” I muttered. “There was this boy on the ground. He was really curt with me, but I was just trying to help him…”
Rafe asked me what he looked like. He asked me if he looked like a golfer or a worker. I told him neither. The boy was in everyday clothes. He was in a brownish/red shirt and swim trunks. Rafe sighed and sat down next to me. He told me that I had probably seen a Pogue. He told me about the island rivalry and how they always would pick fights with them. He told me the Kooks were the good guys.
“Us, Kooks, we work hard,” he said. “They’re jealous of us because we have money. Money that we’ve worked our asses off for.”
I didn’t know what to believe, but that boy was so rude to me for no reason. What kind of place was this? He told me not to worry about it or them. I sighed and nodded, watching them finish their round. I tried to push all the thoughts from my head, but I couldn’t.
When it was all over, the boys dropped me off at home. I walked in and was met by my parents. They stared at the outfit I had borrowed from Sarah and told them not to ask. I knew that wasn’t going to stop them though. I told them about how Skipper locked me out of the house and how I made some friends. I left out the part where I stayed the night at Rafe’s, but I filled them in. I told them about the island rivalry and Midsummers. They looked at me with an expression I’ve never seen before.
“It’s nice to see you breaking out of your shell, Rory,” my dad said. He was right. I was breaking out of my shell.
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Tag List : @outerbankslut @jellyfishbeansontoast @jiaraendgame @bricksatanakinswindow @outerbongs @kiarascarreras @ilovejjmaybank @potterheadhollander @rudths @spilledtee @queenieloveswriting @multifandomlovess @starlightstarkey @tomhardybby @diverdcwn
#topper thornton#outer banks topper#obx topper#topper#topper x oc#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe imagine#rafe x oc#outer banks imagine#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks#obx#obx netflix#sguymon21
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Alright, I finally read Reincarnation no Kaben
AFTER MONTHS (it’s probably been a month? My mind doesn’t keep track of the days) I FINALLY CAUGHT UP TO RNK. Ty to Okita anon for the recommendation (*￣3￣)╭💕💕💕 I absolutely loved it.
After this I’ll start on the other recommendation you gave me. I kept a bit of a log of my reading journey under the read more tag.
Major spoilers for literally everything in RNK up to ch 53 “Withdrawal”.
Oh, and I’ll finish answering all my leftover asks and I SHOULD have a fic done by tomorrow. I was so ready to write and then I got up. Now I’m back to bed.
I’m just gonna write this as a log since I read super super slow and I’m only on ch 7 at the start of writing this but I’m really liking it already. Though to be fair. I love everything okita anon recommends haha. I remember you saying you were simping over Kouu and I haven’t gotten to the part where he appears but I wanted to quickly google what he looked like to prepare myself and I see this:
Well. That’s reassuring.
I was actually kinda surprised by how many western figures were in the manga since I know there are only like 7? Around 7 western figures that pop up in any anime/manga but seeing people like Albert Fish was kinda surprising but I really liked it. Also, at the end of certain chapters they write little bio’s on them so you get to know more about them was such a nice touch. I also love that the tradition of making males -> females still stays strong even outside the fate universe hehe.
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Literally, the next chapter I see him. AHHHHHHHHH. Well maybe not him but his eyeballs.
This guy lowkey reminds me of the MC’s brother but it’s 99% because he has the same long ponytail. I wouldn’t be surprised if the brother was apart of the the Greats. Honestly, Ein reminds me of those really hard headed girls that are actually really kind on the inside but aren’t good at expressing themselves (maybe because that’s pretty much her character). I also like that Ein doesn’t like males but she’s hiding behind this guy. At least, I’m..99% sure this is Ein.
I FUCKING KNEW IT. AS SOON AS I SAW HE GOT A THEIF TALENT I COULD FEEL THE SOLO LEVELING VIBES IN ME. HE CAN STEAL TALENTS I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! I’m surprised that Neumann didn’t say anything and Haito seems to be aware of it.
Edit: Ah okay, I understand a bit now but it almost seems like Haito is the only one aware of Toya’s second talent.
Edit 2: Okay, as much as I love power hungry MC’s I’m really glad they didn’t make Toya into that. I am such a softie for sympathetic and kind MC’s like these even though it’s been done so many times. I’m really glad this didn’t feel like a rehash. I mean, some points some of the stuff Toya says it does but it’s fine, I don’t mind that. I actually gave a crap about him since I usually prefer the side characters (I UNDERSTAND ANON, I CARE ABOUT KOUU SO MUCH AHHHHH) but HAITO?? AHHHHH.
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I like that Izo always has the same hat in every adaptation he’s in lol. Istg, cats are always op. Schrodinger seems so strong and the parallel universes are my absolute shit. Sometimes I think, in one universe I did this and in this universe I’m not. Would I rather stay in this universe or be in the one where I am actually productive. Usually I pick the productive universe and actually work but sometimes I’m a bit of a slacker haha. I think this is my approach to a lot of things in life. But I digress, I don’t wanna get too deep into my life.
I can sorta sympathize with the sinners. At least the ripper guy to say the least. I love love love unhinged characters that just want to basically destroy the world or at least have fun. But then you find out- wait they are actually sympathetic oh no. That’s how I felt about Djoser in “im the great priest imhotep” (please...i beg...someone read this...I’m so starved).
As much as character development and rooting for the hero is cool and all, I just want to simp for the crazy “let’s burn the world to the ground” kinda character. I’m also so glad Toya doesn’t automatically become evil and try and steal everyone’s talents because he does seem like a good person and I really don’t see him suddenly switching fields so when he saved (I don’t remember names I’m sorry), the undead solider it was really nice. Proves that he still has his humanity and isn’t strictly relying on the branch of sin.
It makes sense that he wants to steal talents since he never had one (and it was kinda out of left field when he killed Vlad and we just never addressed that ever again haha) but to see him actually consider his actions and if he actually want’s to steal his teammates talents feels right to me. Poor guy doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends so this is the first time he’s ever seemed to have companionship, aside from Haito, so I really hope he doesn’t attempt to steal their talents. I think I’m thinking of the slime? That time I got reincarnated as a slime manga/anime. Where he’s the pokemon catcher of skills. I thought that was where it was going.
But I do kinda like how selfish Haito and Toya’s talent stealing relationship is (I mean, later it develops but my first draft of writing this I wasn’t there yet). I’m not sure if selfish or like self-gratitude/pride is the right word but it’s kind of a breath of fresh air. Rather than Haito trying to contain or “help” Toya’s inferiority she’s actually encouraging it and using her own talent for her own...acknowledgement? Er, yeah let’s go with that.
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This. This interaction. I love this. Like, genuinely love this. We need more of this. Two people from opposite sides finding some common ground and their fight to the death is less about morals or whose on whose side but for themselves. I love that. This is actually some wholesome stuff.
Edit: AHHHHH CATCH MY UGLY CRYING IN THE BACK BECAUSE ALL THE “SINNERS” ARE ACTUALLY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. IM DEAD. YOU’VE KILLED ME.
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I KNEW IT! YOU CAN NEVER TRUST THESE KIND OF PEOPLE!! I’m going to slap the whiteboard on this but if I see any “goofy” character I’m immediately sus of them.
As much as I hate that Hitler is getting drawn as a small child I really like this. I know the whole, oh I killed your friends but I’m letting you go because you express humanity but I’m gonna finish my death with a sympathetic line, can be annoying to people but idk I really liked this.
Honestly this and the undead soldiers death hit me hard ngl. This manga might not have my favourite art style during some points compared to like main stream manga but it has some really beautiful scenes.
BOOM CALLED IT, though it’s pretty obvious lol.
THE PONY TAIL NEVER LIES AND HES DA VINCI IT MAKES SENSE NOW
He looks so cute lol. I like that Seiya has the talent of being talented in everything while Toya has the talent to steal other talents. Seiya can probably only cap his power by his own physical/mental abilities with Toya can pull a solo leveling and go further beyond. Thinking of it like jack of trades vs master of none type deals. Though, I might be thinking too hard on this. I like that this man is actually humble but I really wish there was a tiny bit more to him since we only get this one interaction/backstory but the manga isn’t completed yet. I really hope we get to know about Seiya more;; like how he became da vinci or etc.
Everytime I see Neumann I look at that comic sans type and it kills me on the inside. But I love that her eyes are 01 just, mwah perfection. These little details that aren’t that big but it’s soooo nice. I also ahem, unhinged character heart be still. It’s really nice reading manga in bursts because you can see the art progression and damn does she look good.
tiny fang appreciation post.
ngl i’M HARD SIMPING FOR THIS MAN. It’s the pony tail, I have such a thing for guys with long hair (and this is why genshin broke me) but man the art really picked up here.
I didn’t get into it but OKITA ANON I GET IT. KOUU??? AHHHH. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE??? As much as his whole “war” was a bit questionable in the beginning and tbh I still don’t really get it I like that he knows he’s not the same as the other Greats but still tries to help the other “sinners” in a way only he knows. That’s why Seiya was so important;; I get that he wanted them to have a fun death and to be understood but idk, the whole war idea and having them kill each other (especially the Hitler fights because I understand the others since they reached some kind of acknowledgement) but nonetheless, what a great guy.
Nightingale gives me mad masaki vibes from chainsawman. I hate them and I can’t wait for you to fail, but the inner part of my is cheering for you because unhinged characters are my shit. I feel really bad for Neumann, I had suspicions she wasn’t actually like that since it’s sooo out of left field but I’m really glad the manga seems to know what it’s doing. I really wish we got more Kouu interactions with everyone tho.
NOW THIS. THIS IS SOME WHOLESOME STUFF. I WANT THIS. I REALLY WANT SPIN-OFF OF REALLY SAD ANIME/MANGA/STORIES WHERE ALL THE DEAD PEOPLE HANG OUT. That’s how I’m feeling about JJK and the scroll segments or BSD WAN that just came out. IT’S SO WHOLESOME TO SEE EVERYONE NOT TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER.
UGLY SOBBING IN THE CLUBBB AND KOUU AND CHARLOTTE AHHHH. I hate how this is phrased but the respect I have for Hitler?? YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD THAT IS TO TYPE?? Kitazuka is cool tho, I really like him. Some god given talent. I’m hard simping over him but I really hope we get to know more about him later.
Getting smug mona vibes, I love this.
AHHH IVE NEVER FELT THIS UPSET OVER AN APPLEEEE. I’M ACTUALLY UPSET. IF HE DIES IM ACTUALLY GOING TO CRY MY HEART OUT.
THE FAMOUS SLAP
I’M SORRY WHA- SLENDERMAN?
Oh..wow. Okay, be still my heart. When I first saw her I thought she was really pretty but now I’m absolutely smitten. God damn, can I please have some more crumbs on these characters before they die;;
AHHH SAME GIRL FUCKING SAME????? I adore these small panels and translator notes. It’s a real breather after the sad 3am hours talk these characters go through.
Yagyuu. Jesus christ. WHY ARE ALL THE DEATH SCENES IN THIS MANGA ACTUALLY SO PRETTY AND STABS ME IN THE HEART??? that’s it. goodbye. im fucking out. im actually so upset rn. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?
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In conclusion, and I should probably re-read what the characters say and not go off on memory because I’m about to get really deep. I really like how they phrased why they wanted to stop the branch of sin. That there are people just like Toya and Haito who, if they never found the branch of sin, could still probably lead respectable and okay lives. That there was a “them” in another universe that didn’t go down that road and that they want to be in the same universe as “them”. I know this sounds really confusing if you haven’t read the manga but going back to what I said about the parallel universe stuff.
There was a universe where Toya and Haito didn’t rely on the branch of sin, that even without their talents from becoming a returner, they could still live a happy life given their own personalities and attitudes. It was kinda moving since in the beginning, Toya wanted a talent so badly and now that he has one. He’s realizing that wait, I don’t need a past life talent in order to live. Honestly, I hard relate to that because I totally agree with him. If you have a talent you can probably live a very happy and comfortable life that other factors wouldn’t matter if you just have that incredible talent. Thinking of it as a painter or artist, if you had actual god-given talent you wouldn’t need to worry about other factors since people would naturally seek that talent. So you end up comparing yourself to others and setting that limit on yourself.
But that’s okay, it’s completely natural and I’m not saying it’s horrible if you do this. Fuck, I do this all the time. I’m not saying the manga is changing my life but it’s kind of refreshing that it get’s talked about since other adaptations of this just make the character super OP. I understand wanting to have that incredible talent, fuck who doesn’t? but you don’t need it in order to live earnestly in the bigger picture sense. Not everything you do has to be productive and honestly, learning to be okay with having fun is nice. Just being okay with who you are right now, even if it isn’t perfect in your eyes, you still have time to build upon yourself and your own talents but doing it for yourself.
But I probably missed the point and I’m going way to deep haha. But I really enjoyed reading this and thank you once again to okita anon for the recommendation^^ I always love everything you send me and I’ll start reading the next one. If anyone else has any recommendations let me know!
#WOW WHAT A FUCKING TRAIN RIDE#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#ALRIGHT TIME TO GO CRY MY HEART OUT#JESUS THIS ACTUALLY SO BEAUTIFUL???#PLEAE PLEASE PLEASE READ IT#IK THE BEGINNING MIGHT SEEM A BIT WEIRD WITH SO MUCH INFORMATION THROWN AT YOU BUT DO IT#IT GETS SOOOO GOOD LATER#ITS GETTING SO GOOD RN BUT I NEED TO WAIT FOR UPDATES#OKITA ANON YOU ARE SUCH AN MVP FUCK I LOVE IT#BUT YOURE ALSO KILLING ME#super duper fucking i love you i actually love you mwha#okita anon#lovely anon#anon ask#reincarnation no kaben
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Howdy there!! Who are the li’s you fancy the most from LITG??
hi! thanks for the ask!
i honestly dunno who’s my top answer, cuz they’re all interesting in their own way
I’m only going to talk about female LIs cuz the only male routes I’ve finished are Bobby and Jake, and I tapped through most of Jake and only ended with Bobby on my first run cuz I never unlocked Marisol, so I’m not the best source lol
Talia:
She’s just so chill but has no problem standing up for MC, she has her back no matter what
Which, like, what a queen
She’s the original and only one of 4 LIs, which maybe it’s just me, but for a game based on an incredibly heteronormative reality show, allowing representation for queer audiences from launch is such a big deal and so cool to me, so Talia’s kind of special in my mind
She was also my first LI so nostalgia points
And she’s such an easy LI, not much drama on her route outside of Lucy, just her having MC’s back as the boys make themselves look like idiots
And she has so much potential, like I know some people think her only personality trait is fancying MC, which I mean, is a little fair, but there’s so many opportunities for her in fics and headcanons to develop the good amount of information we got on her in 13 days
I absolutely love how self-aware and confident she is
She just went for what she wanted, struggled a bit with commitment at first, because who wouldn’t, but after that it was smooth sailing
Like obviously what she said in the Beach Hut at the beginning of the season wasn’t great for MC, but she knew exactly what she wanted out of her time on the show
She was confident in herself and her sexuality so much so that she was just down to have a fling with a girl and not worry about how it would effect the show
And then she *coupled up* with that same girl, not even giving a shit about the rules or anything
A queen
Allegra:
I know she’s not an official LI, but her arc is what got me into writing so she gets a million points for that
I love what could have been done with her progression if she was given an actual route, I’m a sucker for some good enemies to lovers, but alas, she’s canonically a bad bitch with a lot of internalised homophobia yet enough confidence to ask MC out
I still love her
Marisol:
I know so many people hate her, and I get it, but I do really like her growth
Maybe it’s cuz I’m pretty analytical too, but her analyses never bothered me or anything, and now that I’ve played her route so many times, it’s pretty obvious that that’s a defense mechanism, and I understand that
She very much so has a “figure their weaknesses out before they have a chance to figure mine out” attitude, and I’m 99% positive it’s because of the ex that Elisa reminded her of
So not only has she been burned in the past, I’m willing to bet it was by the only woman she’s been in a serious relationship with
I really have no problem with her commitment issues, it’s understandable, and I can really empathise with her fear of coming out, it’s absolutely terrifying even if you’ve accepted it and bought a flag, saying the words can be really difficult
My biggest issue is her entitlement and immaturity, I guess?
Like her using Graham to make MC jealous just feels like an excuse to crack on with him and still have MC available for when she’s ready
I understand her being scared to couple up, but playing games to distract herself just made things with MC worse
And unless youre on her route, and sometimes even when you are, it’s clear to me that she expects things and has no problem saying what they are, but going after them is a problem?
Like her going after Lurik even though they don’t have a connection, or Gary even when he’s with Hannah
But then it never works and she gets sad and I melt because I’m weak
ALSO, can I just say how awful it is that Lucas and Henrik don’t pick her unless they have to???
Like cmon she deserves MC after that
And when they finally couple up? And she’s all soft? The GROWTH ohmygod
Anyway I love who Marisol became, maybe not everything she started out as, but definitely the person she ended the season as, more confident and self assured and willing to be vulnerable
It’s precious
Elisa:
I still haven’t done an Elisa route
I tried to a couple months ago, but dumping Marisol felt so cruel, what the hell was Fusebox thinking with that??
I do really like that they learned from their mistake though, even if they went in the opposite direction
From what I’ve seen of Elisa, she can be pretty sweet, I’ve seen her described as a Lucas-Bobby hybrid, and while that’s not the most interesting personality to me, I will say that she’s a really cool character that FB messed up on
Why did they make her a straight up villain???
And why ONLY her???
None of the other female LIs have been villains or had such a complete 180
Like her going from shouting at Chelsea, who is literally meant to be MC’s ride or die and the person outside of your LI that youre supposed to want to defend and avenge, to “i cant even sleep because im pining so hard”
I know the treatment of black women has been discussed before, specifically in regards to Hope and Erikah, and it is by no means my place to speak on it, but I definitely think something’s going on with Elisa
Anywayyyy, I love her archetype
The celebrity and influencer has so much potential, to the point that I wrote a one shot without even knowing her lmao
And she’s so confident in a way that’s so different from Marisol
She doesn’t even care if MC’s happily coupled up, she WILL get in her pants and I respect that
In conclusion, Fusebox did her dirty and I’m probably going to try and retcon some canon for her in the future
Lottie:
Ohmygod
Lottie
A goth babe
Lottie
Yeah, anyway, so I love her
Her growth is just unbeatable in my opinion
Yeah, she still has her flaws by the end of the season, but she went from ready to rip everyone’s throat out to biting her tongue around Hannah
And her and MC???
And the development between them???
Ugh
No matter what way you swing it, you’ve either got best friends to lovers or enemies to lovers and I adore both
And her aesthetic is one of my favourites, I’m alt myself and having a character like that is just so cool
My Runaways MC is a ball of sunshine with some hidden darkness specifically because Lottie’s such a dark cloud but can start shining with the right person, and that’s my absolute favourite trope
But man were the wedding episodes a cop out
Why couldn’t they give her the Noah treatment? Or the single treatment? Where they just get together after the show? Same with Hannah, why are they giving such an intense confession after who knows how long of literally nothing, like no communication even????
Don’t get me wrong, I kinda simultaneously love it for the angst and yearning, but it just… makes no sense?
So yeah, amazing bat lady that I seriously vibe with and wish my MC could have wifed up
Hannah:
I know this is a little controversial buuuut
I fucking love Hannah
But only OGHannah, Returning Hannah was butchered and I will never let that go
And it was such a toxic message too, that she needed to change herself and her appearance just to get a guy to like her?
Fuck that, Original Hannah was amazing and perfect exactly as she was
I love her trope, too, the naivety and how obvious and clear it was that she’s still learning about the world and relationships, to the point that it’s going to get her in trouble
And her obsession with fairy tales?
Fucking adorable ohmygod
I started a fic a while ago that I think I’m gonna scrap, that just indulged in the fairy tale metaphors and stuff because I just love how cute it is lmao
If she wasn’t dumped, I think she could have had amazing growth alongside Lottie, and their friendship/kinda, probably, most-definitely-if-MC’s-not-there-more-than-a-friendship growing together would have been so good
In an alternate reality Hope was dumped instead, and that helps me sleep at night
I firmly stand by the fact that Noah should have been the deciding factor between Hope and Hannah/MC, where Lottie said something that screwed with his head earlier in the day to make sure her friends were safe
Noah should have saved Hannah/MC and Hope should have returned with Rocco, hellbent on revenge and proving herself
That would have been so good for Noah stans and such good drama, that actually made perfect sense
Hope was fully expecting that she’d get picked by Noah because they’d spent three days attached at the hip and then to just… not have that happen. It would have driven her insane and if there was then a scene with MC where she just like, gives up
Like she’s spent the past two days grafting Noah but he won’t make up his mind and she’s just done and MC can comfort her or fight with her and you just get to humanize her make her vulnerable and hurting and I fucking WISH they did something like that, even for RHannah
And Hannah’s growth in the Villa would have been so amazing
I think her idea of a perfect guy is definitely too much, and I’m not advocating that she settles by any means, just that she could have learned that there are things more important than money
That conversation on day 1 where you choose between money, kindness, and intelligence still baffles me
Like why are you a gold digger Hannah?!?!
Why don’t you just want a Prince/ss Charming???
Her and Hope should have swapped and I don’t understand why they weren’t
I mean, I do really like Hope, but Hannah’s just so cute and has so much to learn and her struggling in the Villa just to have a lightbulb moment with MC would have been precious and now I want to write it dammit
Anyway, Hannah is adorable and had so much potential and she never should have returned if they were just going to scrap everything that made her Hannah, except for snooty literature
I wanna listen to her rattle on about Belle and Mulan and every other Disney Princess and what they meant for representation and progress in media and then compare them to their original stories like a dweeb and I would have melted on the spot
Like yes, please tell me more about how gruesome Cinderella is
She should have shown up at the finale and hugged MC and been innocent and sweet so I could have just lost my shit for like a half hour
But stan OGHannah, burn RHannah
AJ:
Adorable, precious, denied an arc outside of coming out
I am not exaggerating when I say that I cried at 4:30 in the morning at her blushing face when playing the first two days
It’s just so fucking cute and I’m a sap and I don’t know why it made me cry, but it did okay?!
And her coming out was such good representation!!! By far the best thing in Boat Party, and I’m so proud of the progress FB’s made in queer representation at the very least
I know she’s pretty one dimensional, but most of S3 is unfortunately
Her being available right off the bat was also such a win, I’m positive it’s the reason she had so many stans
If her and Yasmin had switched or her and Lily, they would have been the ones that were dominating Reddit polls and stuff
And I know she’s written as masc but I just can’t really see it? Like I can’t see her in a dress, but outside of a few clothing items, I guess I just can’t see it? Maybe androgynous is more the word for my image of her, like definitely a mix
She’ll wear a skirt under the right circumstances, but never a dress, a crop top with a flannel, her prom outfit that’s like a frilly jumpsuit, stuff like that? idk im not a lesbian
Her route for me was so glitchy, but I know that if MC’s stolen from her by Yasmin, Tai, or Ciaran, she has some really cute scenes and I wish I could have seen them
And I know some people were ragging on her for the eyelash at the end of the scene but I thought that was just a perfect callback - maybe it’s the writer in me
Basically, AJ’s adorable and why did Ciaran have to split her and MC up, not cool dude
Yasmin:
I forgot I was doing a Yasmin route a while ago, but from what I’ve seen and played, she’s really sweet
I hate that she’s almost nonexistent outside of her route
Give us a mysterious musician friend, you cowards!
I saw that she sings to MC on the final date and damn is that cute
Her eyeshadow kinda throws me off, but her stuffed animal makes up for it
And I’m salty that Yasmin the Lamb disappeared too, that was such a nice detail that made me start a Yasmin route
She’s distant and self-assured, but has a soft, gooey, nostalgic center and I wish we saw more of that, even if we weren’t on her route
My final thoughts on Yasmin: An artsy indie icon that I really need to stop getting distracted from and finish her route
Lily:
Again, don’t know much about her, but she seems really cool
Her shaving her head between the finale and Boat Party is such a flex and I wish she did it right before Boat Party so we could see her in all her bald glory
She’s into cars, right? And… architecture?
Idk, I barely remember my own name, let alone a 10 minute date from months ago
But I’ll definitely get around to doing her route at some point, maybe just to write for her, we’ll see
Elladine:
I know she’s not an LI, but MC so should have been able to run away with her
I missed that option in S3
I kinda get why they didn’t do that, but Boat Party’s just so messy in general
And I would include Genevieve here, but she’s so cute with Seb that I’d feel bad splitting them up
But Elladine had actual problems with Nicky!!!
Why did they mention it for it to never pay off??
And I’m so mad that the hype around her died when it was revealed she wasn’t an LI or the badass of the season, because I still adore how sweet she is
I also want to brag that before we got a name I was calling her Emma and that’s just on example of my almost psychic-ness
But yeah I wanted Ell to be a run away option and I’m salty that she wasn’t
Know what, fuck it, Viv too, she’s smart and cool as hell, let us love these awesome women FB, you cowards!!!
I have no idea who would be my number 1 based on canon, but if we’re talking hypotheticals, I think my answer, as strange as it is, is Hannah.
I just love what she could have been, but by no means what she is.
It’s so awkward to know her for three days, not see her for three weeks, then spend a couple more days with, a couple weeks at most, just for her to write a whole ass book about MC?? And tell her about it with that hair????
No thanks, I’ll stick with closeted sapphic horse girl nerd Hannah because I guess that’s somehow my type??? Oh god what the fuck I swear I’m not a total weirdo
#asks#can it kc#okay but im loving doing this they're so fun wtf#but thanks so much for the ask!!!!!#litg
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2, 5, 6, 8, 15 please -hazel
hiya hazel !!! <3
2. How many fics are in your WIP folder? i was afraid of this question. i don't have a wip folder. i am going to count manually. give me a moment please. okay i guess it kinda depends what you count as a WIP. by my count, i have 21 fics that i consider myself actively intending to finish. i have a great deal more that are simmering on the back burner, that i have plans to become motivated to work on someday but am in no rush to complete. and then i have a fuckton of, you know, snippets and ideas that aren't really anything yet but hopefully will be. short answer: So Many.
5. Show me your favorite under-appreciated fic; why do you wish it got more attention? uhhhhhh ive seen people doing this for their own fics or for others so i'll do one of each i guess!
of my own i think my favorite underappreciated fic is my waves meet your shore ever and evermore, aka the jalex breakup fic. i understand why this one got significantly less traffic (heavy angst, kinda lengthy, jalex which is a less popular pairing compared to any 5sos ones, etc). regardless i'm super proud of it. i'm not hurt or anything but if i could zap any one of my fics to make it be more popular than it is i'd probably do that one because i worked on it for a long time and put a lotta heart and soul and tears into it lmao and i am a big fan of it. also it's one of the longest fics i have on my ao3!! third longest maybe? which is neat
i guess it's kind of hard for me to gauge exactly how "underappreciated" a fic is when i'm not the one keeping track of how many comments and how much interaction it gets (i mean i don't even really keep track of interaction on my own fics outside of comments so lmao) ooh okay i was just scrolling my bookmarks and i have a contractual obligation to mention this one: We Dance Along by miss @ashtcnirwin, a fic based on change my mind by 1d because i wanted one. i have no idea if this fic is underrated or whatever but i love it and it's kind of short which means there's a good chance it is because short fics are easily overlooked but we dance along is sooooo mmmmmm it's just soooooooo mmmmmm i love it. i love it
6. What fic is on your back burner, waiting to be written when you feel your skill matches its potential? well. now you see. a couple of days ago i probably would've said frat cake. i am not sure i'm allowed to say that anymore. there are a lot of fics that i started writing, hit a wall, and then decided to abandon until my brain felt like i could write them again. post apocalyptic au, for example. or the vegas fic. i don't know if i'll ever finish the vegas fic. i'd really like to but it's HARD i don't even. yeah. we'll see.
8. What do you find appealing or unappealing about askbox fic prompts? appealing: the pressure is WAYYY off, which is always a relief. i feel like when i'm writing my own fics i get caught up in trying to build a world around the characters, and i suck at worldbuilding and i hate it. with askbox prompts nobody is expecting a detailed universe. you can just throw four guys into a car and say they're on a road trip but since you're only writing ~1.5k of their trip you don't have to say where they're going or where they're coming from. i love that. you don't have to include any defining details, which is awesome. ALSO another great thing about askbox prompts, they encourage me to think outside the box, because a lot of the time i'll either (1) get prompts multiple times and have to figure out different ways to use them so the fics aren't identical, or (2) get a prompt that clearly is supposed to have one kind of vibe, in which case i like to try and see if i can deliberately subvert whatever vibe the prompt is supposed to have. i like a challenge.
what is NOT appealing about askbox prompts is that i have so fucking many of them. and also that once i get out of the askbox prompts mindset (of not worldbuilding) (and instead getting caught in creating a Universe that is Very Good) it's hard for me to get back into it. and i have so fucking many. So Many Of Them. although to be perfectly fair what i have aren't really askbox prompts so much as prompts that were sent to my askbox. i like ones that are just lines of dialogue, those are a lot of fun and typically not that difficult.
15. What are some of your favorite tropes to write? Do they match the ones you read? i don't know! i have no idea what the answer is to this question. i don't even know how to define or identify a trope. i love friendship and i'm working on writing more fics that are just friendship fics cos honestly i think it's absurd how much i talk about friendship for someone who's posted a grand total of two friendship fics. i guess like two and a half or something. but the point is i should write more of them. i like college aus when they're written by people who understand how college works. friends with benefits when the fic doesn't include smut. anything involving kitchens obviously. the tropes i tend to write and even ones i prefer to read also change with my emotional/mental state lol like i was writing a fair amount of kinda bittersweet/angsty/ambiguous ending stuff for a few weeks this summer and i really could not tell you why i was just in that state of mind but straight fluff just felt too Much for me. now i'm into it again. it really depends.
writing asks
#hazel is it just me or have i started to adopt some of your speech mannerisms#i feel like i call things neat way more than i used to and i feel like that's because of you#damn i sure elaborated on every single one of these huh#i said So Much wow#yowza#well thank you for indulging me hazel#ask#anonymous#hazel#allsassnoclass
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shatter your illusions of love
catch me writing hannibal fic in 2018, i guess! so a sort of au idea that has always fascinated me is ‘what if margot and alana had met in season 2 instead of season 3′ because although they don’t interact in the former, there are so many interesting ways their arcs are weirdly intertwined and paralleled.
so this is just a little ‘what if’ scenario. honestly i considered setting it closer to the end of the season because that has it’s own potential, but in the end this turned into “vague flirting while shit still hasn’t hit the fan yet.”
rest assured though that there’s still plenty to be sad about
and margot is still kind of immediately smitten, god bless her
It’s snowing the night she meets Alana Bloom, although beyond that Margot can’t say there’s anything particularly remarkable about the evening. It’s not all that charming to meet someone while standing outside your psychiatrist’s house -- she’s certain Doctor Lecter wouldn’t appreciate her lingering, but Margot has learned that there’s opportunity in her moments away from his prying eyes. She certainly found opportunity in Will Graham. Now she wonders what some of his other patients might be hiding.
It’s a breach of privacy, almost definitely, but maybe she’s become too desensitized to that sort of thing to care. Either way, it’s easy to justify the same way she does everything else: stay afloat, keep the upper hand, survive.
As universal an instinct as survival may be, of course, Margot’s learned it to be a pretty flimsy justification in most circumstances where it tends to apply. Somehow, Doctor Lecter legitimizing the concept hasn’t made her feel much better about it.
But she’s not in therapy to feel better about herself.
The woman who comes up the walkway a few moments later, though -- she doesn’t look like a patient, somehow. It’s not that she’s pretty and put together, though she is (Margot knows from experience that the most fractured people can have very clean surfaces), but rather something in the way she approaches her destination. She’s lacking the kind of steeled apprehension that Margot has come to associate with patients of Hannibal’s. She’s a little too open.
And thus, a little harder to open with than Will was. Margot smiles languidly at her anyway.
“You’re not the most unconventional person I’ve ever seen walking in or out of this building. But I have to say, I’m intrigued.”
The woman stops, caught off guard, and stares at her for a heartbeat. “...And you are... ?”
Margot considers briefly. If she gives this woman her name, there’s a chance it’ll get back to Hannibal. If she doesn’t, she makes herself inherently notable, and it almost definitely will. “Margot Verger. I’m a patient of Doctor Lecter’s.”
“Oh.” She can tell by the way the woman raises her eyebrows in mild surprise that Hannibal hasn’t told her anything about their sessions. Which, she supposes, is a point in the ethical practice column for once. “...Verger. As in...”
“Meat packaging, animal cruelty, and family dysfunction,” Margot finishes for her dryly. “That’s us.”
The woman’s lips twitch. Margot thinks she might have been mildly taken aback, but it’s hard to tell. “Quite a legacy to have following you around.” Then she holds out her hand politely. “Alana Bloom.”
“Not a patient, then?” Margot takes her hand after brief consideration - a downplayed version of her usual hesitance with physical contact - and lets the touch linger a fraction of a second longer than necessary. She’s really only flirting with flirtation, at this point, but she supposes the recent success with her plan might have her feeling bold.
“A colleague,” Alana corrects with an easy, if slightly reserved smile. “Of Doctor Lecter’s.”
A colleague. Margot looks Alana over more carefully, wondering how much she should read into that. “You don’t really seem like his type.”
Alana raises her eyebrows a little, and Margot pauses a bit stiffly. “...I didn’t mean that as an insult. A compliment, if anything.”
“Uh huh. So I take it your sessions aren’t going well.”
Margot actually has to smirk in earnest at that. “I don’t really have a gauge for that sort of thing, but I suppose it could be worse.”
It’s skirting around the truth, which Margot doesn’t imagine Alana would take very well. Whether or not Alana would actually take her at her word that Doctor Lecter’s been encouraging her to kill her own brother, it would almost definitely set things off balance. She needs to be careful. There’s already something a little questioning, a little worrying in Alana’s eyes.
She wonders how much Alana actually knows about her colleague, and tries not to linger on the thought. She doesn’t need more things to feel guilty over.
“You’re, uh,” Alana tilts her head a little, at last. “Coming a long way, aren’t you? So something about it must be worthwhile.”
Margot shrugs. “My brother’s paying, so I thought I might as well take advantage. I guess he must have been feeling guilty.”
Mason, of course, has never experienced anything remotely like guilt, but it’s an easy enough point to test the waters with. But Alana either sees through it immediately, or doesn’t ask because of whatever boundary she thinks she’d be crossing. “Sounds like something a guilty brother would do,” she remarks instead, though Margot notices she’s watching her a little more carefully. “You should take advantage while you can. Any college loans you still need to pay off?”
Margot can’t help but find her charming, reserved as she’s almost certain Alana is being. Which is fair, since she hasn’t exactly been forthcoming herself. “I didn’t know psychiatrists had senses of humor.”
“I’m funnier than Doctor Lecter. Easily.” Alana’s teasing smile fades a little, but she continues earnestly, “And I’m joking with you because it’d probably be inappropriate for us to have a personal conversation.”
She blinks. It’s honest, at least.
Smoothly none the less, Margot responds, “Then it’d probably also be inappropriate to ask if you drink wine.”
She’s definitely flirting now, and maybe it’s reckless, maybe the prospect of finally being free of Mason has already made her a little too impulsive -- but then, Alana seems a little too principled to even take her up on a one night stand.
If she’s the kind of ‘colleague’ who visits Hannibal Lecter after his office hours, anyway.
At the very least, Alana takes it in good spirits, with a short, surprised laugh that’s sort of contagious. “Beer, actually. Preferably.”
“Huh.” Margot arches an eyebrow, not openly amused, but sort of playful. She looks Alana over more pointedly this time.
“Are you going to tell me I don’t seem like the type again?”
“I was actually planning to move on to seeing how you felt about whiskey.”
Alana tries to stifle another laugh. Margot finds herself mildly intrigued, if for no other reason than she’s getting a little more than a ‘straight woman who’s politely flattered’ vibe. And admittedly, Alana’s -- well. Intriguing. By virtue of who she is.
“I’d -- honestly, going drinking with a beautiful stranger sounds like the exact kind of thing I could use to improve my...” Alana pauses contemplatively. Suddenly Margot notices how tired she looks. “...Year, really. So thank you. But -- we really shouldn’t.”
“For all kinds of reasons,” Margot finishes for her, because despite having initiated this, she knows that all too well. Maybe there’d been something that felt safe in the unattainable. Still, she has to make an effort not to get stupidly hung up on Alana calling her beautiful.
“Yeah.” Alana smiles at her ruefully. She seems to linger on the edge of... something. Margot isn’t sure whether she should be wary of whatever Alana’s debating asking her, until Alana decides against it. “Besides, I should head inside before I’m late. And you should get back to your car, it’s freezing out here.”
It sounds enough like genuine concern that Margot has to quickly smooth over being taken aback. At any rate, the temperature out here is practically tropical compared to the chill she’s sure she’ll receive when she goes back home, but Alana doesn’t need to know that. If she’s somehow managed to look past Margot’s family reputation and form some kind of vaguely positive impression, Margot would prefer it stayed that way. Even if this is only a chance encounter.
“Mm. So much for clearing my head.” She lets Alana interpret that as she will, moving past her to start off down the walkway. The smoothness of her exit, admittedly, is ruined by her compulsion to look back over her shoulder -- which she does, of course. Alana is still watching her, and she tilts her head questioningly when their eyes meet.
But all of this is too precarious. Margot can’t bring herself to say anything, even if a better person probably would have.
Alana seems like a smart woman, she tells herself. If there was any reason for her to be worried about Hannibal, she would’ve picked up on it.
It’s a sentiment riddled with holes, and it doesn’t make her feel much better.
#the main tags seem like theyre still kinda active so ill just#hannibal#marlana#fic#anyway. was there anything else i was gonna say about this?#idk possibly ill write some more of this verse but only if i have time/inspiration coming up#but i have missed these two
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