A Funeral for a Living Ghost
An excerpt from my upcoming ficlet about religion and mourning and the process of letting go
Hob Gadling had a bad habit of attending his own funerals.
It had started in the early 1500's. He had taken something of an extended vacation, traveling to the Holy City of Rome, finally restored to its former glory after languishing for years while the Papacy resided in France. When he had returned to London after twenty or so years, his beard grown in and his hair significantly lighter from the southern sun, he had been welcomed back by his neighbors as his own son. He had been forced to, on the spot, spin a tall tale about his dear father, who had met his demise under the hooves of a draft horse. The entire town, good Catholic Christians that they had been, had insisted on a funeral. Last rites and all, they had said, and Hob had been too touched to refuse. The majority of the attendees hadn't even known him; they had simply known of him, had heard stories from their parents about their old friend, Robert Gadling.
There hadn't been a body to bury, for obvious reasons, but he assured his neighbors, to the best of his ability, that the body of his father had been laid to rest in Rome. Not home soil, but holy soil nonetheless. Still, his neighbors insisted that there be, if not a funeral, a service. A commemoration of his life, of everything Robert Gadling had done for his community and once again, Hob was too touched to refuse.
The church had been quiet; the kind of quiet you could feel in your soul. It was the quiet of respect, of mourning, of a great and terrible sorrow. In that quiet, Hob Gadling found himself thinking of his own father, the father he truly had lost, and found that the stinging tears prickling at his eyes were as real as any he'd ever shed.
For the first time, he had allowed himself to mourn his friends; those he had known, the parents and grandparents of those who filled the pews of the church, those he had seen be born, those he had seen take their first steps and babble their first words, those he had attended weddings and funerals for. He had allowed himself to mourn that version of Hob Gadling, the name he would never wear again, the person he could never be again, the life he lived until he could live it no longer. He had mourned, and then he had left.
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🥀The Shadow in the Mirror🗡️- ONE SHOT [Pre-Stellarium]
⚠️CONTENT WARNING⚠️: Hallucinations, Delusions, and Graphic Depictions of SH
A rewritten piece of one I did back in 2022. This was originally supposed to be a quick piece to showcase Venueri's destructive tendencies that turned into 5 pages of nonsense very quickly.
As the TW above says, please keep in mind that there will be heavy SH in the story.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:**:・゚✧*:・゚✧
✧ Sitting at the vanity in her expansive yet so empty bedroom, Venueri stared at her reflection with slight contempt.
VENUERI: [“Look at yourself…”]
✧ Brushing the parted bangs more to the side, her eyes locked onto the marking that decorated her forehead.
✧ Her brows furrowed,
VENUERI: [“...why did I inherit this?”]
✧ With her pupils akin to slits and her vision going out of focus, she could hear the voice of someone play in her head.
MALUM: [“I love your markings, Venueri! There’s no need to feel shame over them.”]
✧ Such simple words, words that would once bring her comfort, now made her nauseous.
✧ She gripped the edge of the vanity with such strength that her claw-like nails made new grooves in the wood.
VENUERI: “Calm down… Calm down…”
✧ An useless effort, she knew that, she has done this before.
✧ Feeling something move behind her, she manages to shoot her eyes back up to the mirror before her.
VENUERI: “!!!!”
✧ She froze in place.
MALUM: “...Venueri.”
✧ She couldn't make a sound as her winged ears lowered in panic and fear.
✧ She felt like she was going to vomit.
MALUM: “Why did you do it, Venueri?”
✧ Those were words that have haunted her for years and years.
✧ The shadowy figure stared her down from over her shoulder as she tried to mutter out an answer.
VENUERI: “I��I…I didn’t—”
✧ The shadow shook his head.
MALUM: “I trusted you, Venueri.”
✧ Her hands trembled as he spoke.
MALUM: “You betrayed me.”
✧ The shadow moved closer, making her want to curl up and hide.
MALUM: “You could have saved me. Us.”
VENUERI: “What could I have done…?”
✧ The part of her mind begging her to think spoke out before an onslaught of laughter came from behind her.
✧ Their whispers like the cicadas in the summer buzzed in her ears before a hand gripped her shoulder
MALUM: “Ven… I’m right here.”
✧ She looked into the blurry face of the man behind her, his smile managing to feel the same as it used to.
✧ With her shoulder tense and her breathing becoming short, she waited for him to speak.
MALUM: “You’re… a protector, right?”
✧ His smile was charming,
MALUM: “Why didn’t you help us?”
✧ The water began to well in her eyes,
VENUERI: “I…”
MALUM: “Surely we were worth protecting.”
✧ Every word was another bullet wound to the chest.
VENUERI: “I couldn’t save you… Mother would have—”
✧ She could barely get that out before the Malum that stood by her now began speaking again.
MALUM: “Why did you allow her to do such things?”
✧ She knew the answer to that.
VENUERI: “Nothing could have been done; Mother’s words are absolute!”
✧ She glanced back at her own reflection for a split-second.
✧ She looked horrified.
✧ Malum shook his head in seeming disapproval.
MALUM: “Absolute? Simply because she labeled herself as a God?”
✧ Tears made themselves known as they dripped down her cheeks.
VENUERI: “She punishes us if we don’t!”
✧ Images of her sister’s arm being ripped clean off her body in a ruthless display by their Mother flashed for a moment as if to remind her of her place.
✧ Somewhere deep down, however…
MALUM: “You deserve such punishment.”
✧ She somehow agreed.
✧ As if commanded, her eyes take their focus off the mirror and to a knife that laid only somewhat hidden under a cloth.
✧ It’s the least she deserves.
✧ The voices of others chattered endlessly as the shadowy figure of Malum gestured to the clean knife.
MALUM: “You know you do.”
✧ Like she was possessed, her hands reach for the knife while the chorus of voices grew.
✧ “You deserve this.”
✧ “It’s only fair!”
✧ “You should have saved them.”
✧ “You’re too weak to do anything.”
✧ “You’ll never be able to protect anything you love.”
✧ Her fingers wrapped around the handle of the knife a little too tightly as she brought it closer to her person.
✧ While her grip was choking, her hands still shook.
✧ She hesitated for a moment,
MALUM: “You know, it really makes me happy when you bleed.”
✧ Any other state of mind and Venueri would have known those words did not belong to her dear friend.
✧ But, here– now…
✧ The tip of the knife met with the pale, porcelain skin of her arm.
VENUERI: “I deserve this…It’s the least I can do…”
✧ The blade slices open in a clean line.
✧ The jeering and mocking voices become softer as her world seems to spin.
✧ Another cut is made hastily.
VENUERI: “I’m sorry.”
✧ And another.
VENUERI: “It should have been me.”
✧ Soon, the warm red of stardust and nebula blood is dribbling down to the hardwood floors and onto her nightgown; her whole arm is covered in large gashes.
✧ The sight and scent of her own blood made her feel dizzy.
VENUERI: “I’m a monster; a demon– a devil.”
✧ The knife in her hand moved from her arm to the marks on her hands.
✧ The knife made quick work in mauling up her hand as she sucked air in through her gritted, sharp teeth.
MALUM: [“I love your markings, Ven—”]
✧ Markings…
✧ Those words from the past made her look up into the mirror once again.
✧ Markings….
✧ Her eyes lock onto the mark on her forehead.
MALUM: [“The Goddess is your Mother?”]
✧ Words like knives come flooding to her head.
✧ Snarling and throwing the knife down, she opts for her sharp nails.
✧ She no longer bothered to hide her sobbing as her nails like claws scratch and claw at her forehead.
✧ The stardust and nebula red drip down her face while she wails,
VENUERI: “Why?! Why?!”
✧ What she was exactly asking and to whom was beyond even her.
✧ Her tears and blood mix together, the stinging of her wounds making her even more delirious.
VENUERI: “Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be them?!”
MALUM: “Venueri, I—”
✧ She swore she could hear Malum saying something, the outside world felt so far away even though he was right there.
✧ The voices of the others whispered mockingly, of how she was repenting, of how her blood and suffering was so small compared to those she had failed.
✧ Hands laid gently on her shoulders, urging her to look up.
MALUM: “Venueri.”
✧ He opened his mouth, but she didn’t hear anything.
✧ Just the crackling static and nonsense filled her ears.
VENUERI: “I’m hopeless;”
✧ She spoke to the reflection in a daze.
MALUM: “Venueri.”
✧ He speaks her name again.
VENUERI: “Worthless.”
✧ She looks at Malum’s reflection as it twists and contorts.
✧ The smile he wore filled with blood, dripping down his face.
✧ The bloody holes she had left him with start taking up his body.
✧ So… many… holes…
MALUM: “V e n u e r i…”
✧ She could see that he was wrapping his arms around her, but she couldn’t feel him.
✧ She was numb.
✧ The Malum that stood before her met her eyes, somehow, in the mirror.
✧ The words he would say synchronizing with those of the past long gone.
MALUM: “I love you—”
✧ And within a flash—
✧ All of them vanished. It all went utterly silent.
VENUERI: “What?”
✧ Bewildered, Venueri goes to stand from the chair.
✧ Her eyes, now dull and lifeless, glance around the room.
✧ Where did they…?
✧ The weight of a thousand suns seemed to suddenly fall upon her, getting heavier with every step she took around the room.
✧ When she finally made it to the large bed, all her strength was spent, and she fell over onto the covers.
✧ Her eyes drooping, she somehow still finds the energy to mutter to herself.
✧ Her questions to her Mother and her pleas would fade as she slowly allowed the urge to rest finally overtake her.
✧ Closing her eyes, her consciousness would fade, allowing her a small moment of peace.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:**:・゚✧*:・゚✧
*:・゚END゚: *
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