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bakugoushotwife · 9 months

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Bad Liar // katsuki bakugou

a/n: i got soooo carried away with this one lmfao no regrets though, i love bakubaby so bad and this is so self-ship coded no apologies :D this is probably my last piece before kinktober! i know i know boo hiss im sorry, im sorry, i'll probably still pepper in drabbles and headcanons just because :0

cw: suggestive, 16+ to read. bakugo is agressive as always, he has his own language lmao, possessiveness? friends to lovers, hiding it from the bakusquad!

wc: 2.9k

He can’t stand it. It was his stupid idea in the first place, but still, he finds himself knee deep in regret instead of ocean-water. And his friends make everything worse. Oh his stupid, stupid friends and their stupid gatherings and hang out sessions, just irritating him beyond belief. You weren’t included in this tirade, no. Never. You’ve never had a stupid idea in your life, other than agreeing to be his woman, he thinks now.

Denki and Mina would want to go to the beach. That’s so perfectly, stupidly, them. It’s the hottest day of the year, and Katsuki is miserable in so many ways it’s almost comical. Certainly he would laugh if it was happening to anyone but him. He’s already prone to hyperhidrosis due to his quirk nature, and the weather certainly wasn’t helping the matter. He looks like he’s been greased in baby oil or something slimy straight out of the sea. You on the other hand, look—he can’t look. You’ve been friends since your first year at UA, or as close to friends as one really can get with the explosive blond. You seemed not to mind his bristly nature, even when he got a little loud, you never flinched away from him or went out of your way to push his buttons like everyone else.

You were different. You invited him to read your favorite books and mangas with you, you introduced him to new video games and even offered to train together, something that anyone outside of Izuku ran away from. You were unafraid, he realized. He knows he makes it hard. He’s hateful and unforgiving, loud and brash. None of those are good qualities, he’s well aware, but you made him feel like they were. You laughed at his rude comments, only shaking your head or rolling your eyes playfully to disagree. When he got loud, you got louder, a tactic his mom first employed and something he hadn’t realized worked on him so well. No, you made those qualities feel endearing. It wasn’t long before he was inviting you to tag along with him too, teaching you how to make different dishes and even trying your hand at baking while he’s crouched over recipe books spouting the ingredients at you. He wants you to study with him, even if he hasn’t allowed anyone from the inner circle to join him willingly. He always invites you, and he never hides his casual requests for you to come back to his dorm for movies or the newest episode of your favorite anime. He’s completely smitten, clearly.

To everyone, really. It was obvious, even to you. Katsuki is nothing if not prideful, so you were certainly not going to burst his bubble, or allow any of the bakusquad to do so either. You knew he would work through his emotions and thoughts on his own, and he would come to you when he’s ready.

And yes, that took well into your adulthood. School was filled with tragedy after tragedy, you were happy to make it out of there with Katsuki, your friends, and your ability to become a hero still intact. The two of you worked for the same agency for the next couple of years straight out of high school, and that’s what helped him really understand just how different you are. You’re strong, the strongest woman he’s ever seen if he’s honest. Your abilities are insane, your motivation is inspiring, and your knowledge and instinct are only paralleled by his own. Perfect. You’re smart, beautiful, powerful, and so unique. He couldn’t stand it anymore, just watching from the sidelines as he tried to figure out why he was so enamored with you.

Turns out, jealousy is one hell of a motivator.

One day, when he was assigned a different route on patrol and you were sent off with a new male partner, it all made sense. He watched the guy put a hand on the small of your back, dangerously close to the elastic-wrapped mounds of your ass. His ass. He was fuming. The sidekick gave you an excited smile, championing himself lucky to be partnered with such a force–and beauty– as yourself. Katsuki saw it immediately, how the other sidekick was looking at you, it was painfully clear. He wasn’t worried, you would never give this extra your attention–hence how you throw the rando’s arm off of you and stomp away–what does piss him off though, is that other men cannot understand that you might as well walk around with his brand across your forehead. Was he not crystal clear? Even if he hadn’t known that you were unspeakably his, surely everyone else could tell? You two went everywhere together, never was one seen without the other, except for this fuckin’ dumbass patrol–and he was scary enough no one should even think about you in that way.

So he finishes his rounds as early as possible that day, making it back to HQ to meet up with you after your disdainfully different route. He’s pleased to see you alone, leaning up against a doorframe with your skin-tight hero suit still perfectly intact and clinging to your every curve. No drama, no danger, he smirks to himself in relief. The way you look back at him, though, that has his heart stopping in his chest. You look so at ease, your resting bitch face melting into a smile of succor. He can tell you’re just as relieved to see him, the way you jump from foot to foot in excitement tells him so. He can’t help but give you an arrogant half-smile, amused by and admiring your every move. The air is different, the space between the two of you spoke of something different than just friends. He throws his arm around your waist, and you can tell from the look on his face that he’s ready. His red siren gaze sparkles with a bit more intensity, his calloused fingers soothing circles into the curve of your side, even the smile playing at his lips says it all. You’re his now. He knows you know this, and you’re so good to him you won’t even make him say it, but it seemed that his little revelation was enough to change him in a way you didn’t suspect.

“Yer my lady now.” He says, no trace of annoyance, only a slight upturn to the corners of his lips.

“I know. Been your lady for a long ass time.” You chuckle, leaning your head over on his shoulder as you begin the walk home. You couldn’t wait to tell Mina–she would freak the fuck out that he finally made his move. Even more relieved would be poor Kirishima, the man on the receiving end of so many you-themed rants. Denki’s teasing may be endless–and Sero may be the only soul genuinely happy for everyone without making it a big deal. You know the last thing Katsuki wants is to make this a big deal. He was still working his way into emotional fluency, and you didn’t want them to stunt his progress–even though it was well intentioned.

It’s like he can read your mind, or more aptly the subtle knit of your brows and purse of your lips. He knows your brain is hard at work thinking, so he steers you home, his house of course. The weather was decent, cold like he likes. He lets you think, focusing on the sound of your boots crunching in the snow. “What’s going on in that fat head’a yours?”

You chuckle. “I was just thinking about how insufferable our friends are gonna be.” You say, icy fingers reaching for the solace you know awaits in his warm hands. He doesn’t fight you, cupping your hands in one of his. He furrows his brows, considering your sentence, yet his thumb still absentmindedly strokes your soft skin. He huffs after a time.

“We ain’t gotta tell ‘em. They’ll figure it out eventually anyway–let’s just enjoy bein’ us. Press’ll be stupid too.” He sighs out, not having considered the issues you two may face now, status and all. How annoying. He squeezes on your hands to convey his love.

You sigh. “God, so true. I didn’t think of that either.” You muse, smiling at the snowflakes collecting in Katsuki’s ashy hair and lashes while he stares at you. It can only ever be described as a stare, the intensity too much to be considered anything less. You slip your hands from his momentarily, and he frowns at the loss of you. He looks up and realizes you’re unlocking his door and sighing at the warmth that greets the two of you upon entering. Once the door swings shut, your hands find him again, though now you face him, and you dare to let your touch wander up his forearms and biceps before falling back down and reaching back up again. He enjoys the feeling, the soothing comfort of your strokes nearly causing him to sigh. He just hangs his arms around your waist instead, appreciating your beauty without fear now.

“S’ppose we’ll keep this ‘er lil secret then.” He drawls, gently pulling your body until it stops against his. You can feel his warm caramel-scented breath waft over your face, the heat in his eyes causing your own to rush to your cheeks. He smirks at that, cherishing every moment he can fluster you since it’s so typically the other way around.

You nod, unashamedly looking down at his lips. He doesn’t hide the sultry way in which he coats them, before letting them stretch into another, wider, predatory smirk. He forces your eyes back up to his with his two fingers under your chin.

“Sound good?” He asks with an arched brow. You nod again. He chuckles, one so deep it reverberates through his buff chest. He’s entertained, you’re absolutely falling apart just from standing so close to him now that all his feelings for you were confirmed. “Use your words and I’ll give ya a kiss.”

You force yourself to swallow, and then clear your throat, feeling frozen in place. He looks at you like you were the only person he could see. He looks at you with such insatiable desire, you’re rendered speechless just from a few touches and his carmine eyes dancing over your body. “Yeah–our secret.” You manage.

He nods his approval, sliding his hand to cup your cheek instead. His hand is so big his fingers reach over your jaw and into your soft, vanilla scented hair. He almost loses his confidence, your scent and the way you bat your eyelashes hitting him all at once. You always smell so sweet, even though you were actually spicy. He thought it fit you. You stand on your tiptoes to prompt him, your hands landing on his toned pecs. It brings him back to the present, and his heart actually flutters at what he was about to do. He swallows any nervousness and leans down, licking his lips a final time before he slots them over yours. You jolt him awake, the cool touch of your mouth sends warmth tingling through him, and you’re not doing much better. You feel like you’re melting as he pulls you closer desperately, unable to get enough of you.

And maybe, just maybe, that night ended with him becoming very acquainted with that beautiful body you proudly display today, at the beach, with all his friends, who still don’t know that you’re together.

That’s why he’s so impossibly frustrated, keeping his head turned and pretending to be entranced by the ocean waves. His friends are stupid, but they aren’t dumb. They’ve known for the longest that Katsuki’s head over heels for you, but upon your promise, they tried to give him less shit about it.

But Denki just can’t hold back this time. To think that he can’t see Katuski’s “sunburn”, the noticeable way he’ll look anywhere but you, and his overly sensitive nerves today is an insult to Chargebolt. He scoffs loudly.

“Hey Bakugou, you allergic to sexy?”

The blond’s head snaps to him and his eyes narrow in confusion. “What?!”

Denki chuckles smoothly. “You won’t even look at Y/N–and she is definitely sexy. That bikini is working overtime–”

“Say one more word about her.” He dares, sparks collecting in the palms of his hands. At the crackling sound, Kirishima decides it’s time to intervene. He holds his arms out like someone approaching a wild horse to saddle.

“Woah, woah–easy bro!” He chuckles nervously, but it gets Katsuki’s attention, at least enough that the threat of violence dies down. “I think what Denki’s trying to say is, normally you and Y/N are side-by-side. Is everything alright?”

Great. There was no way to win. If he looked at you, he’d surely pop a raging boner and that would confirm everything they’ve ever thought about him and his thoughts about you, but not looking at you resulted in their suspicion anyway. He huffs through his nose and scowls.

“Yeah? Just tryin’ not to be a perv like you two fuckers. Stop lookin’ at her–”

“Right. Okay.” Sero rolls his eyes at the longtime friend. “You know none of us give a fuck if you guys want to get together, right? In fact, we’re literally praying for it so you stop being so goddamn intolerable.”

“So you admit you have to fight looking?” Denki snickers. Katsuki eyes the two with the wrath of hell.

Kirishima gives him a defusing glare, sighing at his hot-tempered buddy. “I second Sero, but either way, we want you to have some fun, man. We know you can’t be having a good time sitting in the sand like this. Come play some volleyball with us!” He insists, dragging Katsuki to his feet.

Bakugo wrenches his way free of him, but follows nonetheless, scowling even deeper when Mina calls out, “Three on three! I want Bakugou and Denki!” She giggles, leaving you to team up across from him with Kirishima and Sero. He convinces himself that beating your ass in volleyball should keep your friends off your scent.

All goes well, for a while. That is until the rotation puts him directly across from you.

Denki was right. You are so sexy. And that bikini…how could you set him up like this? The fabric clings to your hips, disappearing into the folds of your dimpled and sand-covered ass. God, he shoulda never let you out of the house. His eyes finally move up toward your bust, almost laughably stuffed into your top. It’s so unfair. You’re ridiculously stunning, and he can’t help but think you did this on purpose. He can feel his blood rushing all at once, and he knows he must be staring hard. Before he can comprehend anything else, you’re running towards the net, beautiful body glistening in the sun, your sea-textured hair swaying in time with your chest as you jump and smack the ball right in his face.

Kirishima can’t stifle his laugh, and Denki nearly collapses in laughter beside the explosive man. Mina just puts her hands on her hips, trying to hide her knowing smirk.

Katsuki is prideful, arrogant, brash, unforgiving, loud, and hateful. You made sure to love and accept those qualities to an extent, and help him grow out of them in some others. One thing you’ll never be able to change is his competitive spirit–and you just took a cheap shot in his rulebook.

“That was a low blow. It doesn’t count!” He groans, swiping some of the kicked up sand from his tanned abs. He goes to pick up the ball when Sero challenges.

“How so? She just spiked it. That’s legal.”

And to his dismay, you play right into it. “Yeah, why’s it a low blow, Suki?”

Goddamn you. Batting your lashes and all. You’re challenging him too, daring him to keep lying or to come clean to all his friends. He snorts at you, clearly you underestimate who you’re dealing with. He’ll fuck you on the beach if you wanna push buttons–but he decides he’ll take a more moderate approach only because he doesn’t want anyone else to see you naked. You can’t back him into a corner without doing the same to yourself, so he just juts his chin at you.

“Because you wore that bikini just to piss me off ‘n make me tell our friends yer mine.” He growls, arching a brow and folding his arms over his chest. The friends in question are unusually quiet and deathly still, exchanging knowing and relieved looks.

You shrug, blushing a bit. He caught you, but it worked anyway. Only because he allowed it, but still. You hum your acknowledgement and motion for the ball back.

“You got me, baby. That counts as a point though. Ball’s mine.” You wink, that smug grin of yours enough to make his heart pound like it’s the first time he’s ever seen you. You’re most definitely somethin’ else, but he loves you to pieces, and he feels a lot better about being able to be just as pervy out loud as he wants to be.

He slings the ball back over the net, mirroring your smirk. Once again, he’ll never let you best him. His eyes shine with mischief as he winks and says for your embarrassment, “Oh yer still goin’ down, sugartits.”

#kyleewritesmha #last piece before kinktober works omg #bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou drabble #mha x reader #bnha x reader #bnha x you #bnha fluff #mha x you

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onlyplatonicirl · 24 days

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With every step Gradient could feel the constricting pants squeeze and rub at his hip bones. He frantically paced down the halls of the Omega Timeline Marriage Center, occasionally walking with his hands inside the pants’ fabric as to give his sore bones a break. “Where is heâ€¦” While searching for Casey, Gradient passed all of the picture frames of past weddings which hung on the red carpeted walls. One of them in particular caught his attention. There appeared to be a picture, more like fanart, of Ink in a rainbow tinted white dress and a deformed Error the destroyer stuffed in an uptight suit, which he had torn holes into. Geno and Reaper, Ink’s dads, Undyne and Alphysâ€¦ those where definitely real. But this, this one was definitely fake. At least Gradient thought it was. He didn’t remember Ink and Error getting-

Just then Gradient heard a noise echoing from some far off hallway. He knew that careless, janky yell anywhere! “Casey?” Gradient dashed down the hallway, ignoring the biting sores that the pants aggravated with each step. His large tunic dress thing swooshed as Gradient pumped his arms, his fists hidden inside the drooping sleeves. Gradient gained speed. That is, until he found himself flying horizontally with the floor, nose diving into the carpet.

“Gahhhâ€¦ Casey?” Gradient pressed himself up to his feet and spun in a dizzy circle. “Casey?” Gradient called again. But the human was nowhere to be seen. Gradient felt something drip down his cheek. He lifted a finger, swiped it, and tasted it. Blood! “Oh noâ€¦” Great, he would be greeting the entire wedding hallâ€¦ and Casey, with a bloody nose. And his hips BURNED. Miserable, Gradient continued full force down the hall, coming to a fork in the hallway.

“Gradient?”

“Casey?” Gradient hollered, trying to find out where his voice was coming from. But who could tell? Gradient took off wildly to the left, just in time to see Casey’s arm disappear behind the corner near the end of the new hallway.

“Casey wait!” Casey disappeared.

“Gray!”

Gradient rounded another corner. But no Casey. “Casey! Just scream!”

“Scream?”

“Yeah, like bloody murder, so I can find you!”

“Huh?”

“SCREAM!”

“OK!”

A scratchy, pre pubescent scream ripped through the carpeted walls. This was Gradiet’s chance. He knew that Casey wouldn’t be able to sustain the scream for long. He barrelled full speed down the hallway, left, right, right. (Imagine this in slow mo.)

He rounded a final corner, finding Casey with his back turned and head lifted to the sky, screeching in strange intervals that sort of resemble Gradient’s own speech patterns.

Gradient got an adrenaline rush at the sight of this gorgeous creature and sprinted towards Casey, who turned around and spread his arms wide open. “Casey!” Gradient launched himself into Casey’s arms, while Casey afterward lifted him into the air, twirling him about.

“Hehe. Wheeâ€¦”

“Gray, you idiot, where were you?” Casey asked, setting Gradient down. Gradient clung tightly to Casey and buried into his chest. It was quite an odd image, as Gray was at least a foot shorter than his human fiance. Casey wrapped his arms around Gradient, trapping him within a sense of warm comfort. “I’ve been looking for you forever. I couldn’t stand another minute of your m- uh, Ink.” Casey leaned down and kissed Gradient’s forehead, making the skeleton blush like madness. He looked up at Casey with lopsided eyes and a dopey smile stretching across his face.

where’s the grasey wedding, huh? 🤔

ANON IM PICKING U UP AND SPINNING YOU AROUND THIS IS SOOOO SO SO SO CUTE 😭😭😭

CASEY PUTTING HIS SCREAMING TALENT TO USE!! And omg the kiss on the head. Just kill me atp I can’t do this anymore /pos LOL

THANK YOU FOR THE MEAL ANON I LOVE THIS I will look at this for seven hours now

#ask lorel #anon #tcoti #casey tcoti #gradient sans #grasey #I LOVE THISSSS

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that-bl-bitch · 2 years

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Reveal your watch and rewatch drama list

I was tagged by @ommited-miscellaneously thanks! Cause I saw this and actually wanted to do this :)

Currently watching

Cherry blossom after winter- loving this a lot I already thought I was gonna like it before it premiered but I like it waaaay more than thought honestly I think it’s going to be the best KBL I ever watched

Cutie pie- at first I was not Vibing with this show but then I kinda changed the way I was thinking about and I realize it’s actually a really good show and I’m so excited for the next episode

Enchanté- yeah I like this show, good show, solid show

Koisenu futari- it took me so long time to find a way to watch this show and soooo much effort way more than I’ve put into finding a show in a while I forgot the struggle, I came to so many dead ends and I was this close to giving up and at like the third wall I hit I fucking got it, and I’m so glad I didn’t give up cause this show is fucking fire so far, I’m about to start ep 5, and dare I say the best asexual representation I’ve ever seen from show

La cuisine- this one is very classic cute and simple and I love it a lot it’s nothing crazy it’s very straight to the point but it reminds of the BLs I used to watch when I first discovered BLs and it’s like oddly nostalgic for me lol

Love stage!!- shows great, a little hard to find good subtitles but it works out

Physical therapy- I hate this show I’m only watching this cause I started it and I hate quitting shows especially this close to the end there is one pro to this show and it’s the the main couple do have some of the best chemistry I’ve seen like they can be doing the most mundane things and it gets me shy but even that isn’t enough to make me like the show as a whole

The tuxedo- this show is fine it’s 8 eps with a 20 min run time so not huge commitment so I’m into it even if it gets bad, so far so good I’m invested in the story so I’m not having a miserable time

To watch/coming soon

There are a lot of things I plan on watching like say Gap for example OMG I’m so excited but that would be a way to long long list so Im just going to do the stuff I plan on starting soon plus the April stuff I plan to watch

Dear doctor, I’m coming for soul- I’m starting this one probably today i was just waiting to get caught up on the tuxedo first and I just finished that yesterday

SCOY- I’m gonna start this as soon as start dear doctor, I was gonna watch this when it was first announced cause I was excited for multiple reasons but overtime I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be good so I changed my mind but then I changed my mind again cause it was only 6 episodes but then it updated to 14 and I was out again cause what if it was so bad i would have to stay cause I don’t like starting and then abandoning them unless it’s absolutely necessary but as it’s been on I’ve been keeping my eye on it and it’s peeking my interest so i think I’m gonna watch it even it is bad, I mean I hate physical therapy but I watched it from the beginning and I’m going to the end, I can do it for SCOY

Blueming- I’m so excited for this I think it’s going to be really good, if you didn’t know I’m not a huge fan of KBLs but so far this year they have been blowing me out of the water and there’s like a bunch I’m actually looking forward to which doesn’t really happen for me

Kinnporsche- finally will be watching this one but lowkey not sure if I’m gonna like it as much as I thought

Fukou-kun wa kiss suru shika nai- don’t know much about this one but the synopsis got me

What’s zabb man!- can’t wait to see my genY boys!!

Meow Ears up- Listen...... I hate shit like this absolutely hate shit like this and like heard talking of the show for a while and like obviously I wasn’t going to watch it but then recently they released a trailer and I was just around so I just watched it just for kicks and giggles‘s and I liked it alot like the main couple was better than thought they were going to be and the side BL couple was cute as hell then they showed a side GL couple and I died and I had to watch it and now it’s on my list and now I’m gonna watch a show where a man and a cat fall in love,,,,☠️ also just to add this trailer had no subtitles and still got me invested in the story somehow and the GL couple is like a sort of boss and assistant/ underling employee situation and oh god I love the power imbalance I have to watch it

Plus & minus

Star in my mind

Rewatching

And I’m not rewatching anything right now I only rewatch things when I have absolutely nothing else to watch and right now I’m busy enough

im tagging: @listeningwithearphones @missjennym @a-wilting-wallflower and whoever no pressure and sorry if you already got tagged and did this lol

#cherry blossom after winter #the tuxedo #la cuisine #Physical therapy #cutie pie #love stage #cutie pie the series #Love stage the series #enchanté #enchanté the series #dear doctor #dear doctor I’m coming for soul #secret crush on you the series #scoy the series #Scoy #kinnporsche #Star in my mind #star in my mind the series #kinnporsche the series

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zuffer-weird-girl · 3 years

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Red hair as roses, and turquoise eyes as orchids

"Dada look!" The bored and depressed blue eyes stood up from his lap to his 6 years old daughter, extending her tiny hands up high in the air.

"Be careful with what you're gonna do pretty doll." He manage to smirk a bit as she pouted, strands of red brushing against her forehead until a huge wave of flames of the colour blue danced around her hands until she jumped and a small prinkle of flames were throw in the air.

She laughed at the sign and clapped her hands in glee at her own little show as Dabi let out a chuckle at seeing the happines of his daughter... instead of him, Emika had the blessing of having a body that could tolerate the heat enough of his quirk that she inherited it from him. Your quirk itself being a huge help for the little girl to not have scars as her father's.

"Did you see Dada?! It was soooo huge and beautiful!!!" She ran towards him only to trip and thankfully landed on the brunette male's lap, giggling with a smile so bright that could've hury his eyes.

"Hmm. Almost like mine princess, im impressed." His hands carresed her chubby cheeks until he heard murmuring behind them.

Of course. Even with his disguise, that were people whose were going to mutter, say bad things... he lost count on how many times Emika had been bullied because her quirk was similiar with the most cruel and wanted villain....

And much to his dismay, Emika didn't take that... very well.

"WHAT ARE YOU WHISPERING ABOUT?! LEAVE US ALONE!" the little girl shouted and the adults only scoffed, picking up their kids and getting out of the park.

"You're going to scare off anyone with that attitude of yours princess." He muttered while carresing her red hair and picking her up as she scoffed.

"They cant say bad things about MY dada!" He smiled at the little girl and sighed.

"Yeah yeah, just lets get out of here before you burn things down."

"Thats something you would do!" She poked his scarred cheek. "Ne ne dada? We gonna visit mama right? I want to bring flowers to her this time!"

His eyes dropped at the ground as his feet carried them to the cemetery...

"We can arrange that."

"Mama was so pretty!!!" Emika squealed as Spinner and Toga showed her some photos as Dabi stared holes into their skulls.

Is not that he didn't wanted his daughter to forget or to not know about her mother... but it was painfull enough to have a father as a villain, now being a mother orphan was just more harder.

Emika couldn't go to school without being recognized as Dabi's daughter. So he brought himself the task to teach her things , being thankfull to his past self that he had studied enough.

"Yeah and she was strong as fuck too according to your dad there." Spinner grinned, showing a picture of you pinning down a hero on the middle of the street.

"Emika-chan, despite not meeting (Y/n) you look so much like her!" Toga beamed with a smile, fangs showing and the little girl giggling when Dabi just yanked her away from the two.

"Naaaaaa dada no bed time!" She squirmed as he carried her to now the comfortable room the league gotten ever since the incident with Shigaraki and Redestro.

"Dont complain or else Im going to take away your toy." He grumbled as the girl gasped and pouted at him much like you would do.

"You wouldn't!" She defies him with a cheeky smile although while settling down on the bed she shared with him.

"Try me." He smirked with a atched eyebrow making her laugh.

Some time passed and Dabi watched as the eyelids of Emika slowly dropped until she called him softly.

"This place we are now... we gonna stay or are the bad man breaking it and we have to move again?" His heart clenched.. she still had the memories when the league had captured that blonde kid and the heroes busted the bar...

With her own view, she saw the villains as the good and normal people despite Toga being a crazy assasin that loved drinking blood, Shigaraki a men that only wanted to destriy the world, Twice a bipolar man and the list goes on...

Emika saw the villains as good people, and the heroes as bad ones... after all, after she found out on her own that her mother died not because of childbirth, but because of a hero that accidentally killed her with a much too strong attack... and only because she wanted to protect the baby on her arms at that time.

So much blood dropped from his eyes... some even dropping on your lifeless body and on the crying baby he soon noticed that thankfully was alive.

He would never forget whem he craddled the baby on his arms and sobbed deyly as his child wailed at not having the warmth of her mother anymore.

Things were tough until they found the league of villains and had at peast a place to crash.

Emika was now soudly asleep as he sighed and brushed his hair.

"When the heroes come to us... I will make sure yoi stay outta of the mess Emika. But you will not like to know the truth about our origins..." he muttered as a scarred hand brushed her bangs and smirked when she nuzzled on his hand... reminding him of how you would nuzzle on him on cold nights...

"Time to sleep off huh? The more we sleep, the pess we have to face the reality." He muttered before laying down and bringing her close to his chest.

"Dada..." she whimpered as fat tears fell feom her turquoise eyes as she tremblingly holded the box of paper towels, helping him clean off the blood from his stapples as he took a final look on the mirror, his white hair finally at show for the first time in so many years.

"Hey," he crouched down and made his best to not wince "I'm fine. Daddy is used to this by now and-"

"bUT I'M NOT!" she yelled and punched his chest with her tiny fist as he frowned and holded her as she sobbed on his chest.

"...Is it true..?" He looked down at the tuff of red hair on his chest "That uncle Twice is not coming back..? That.. T-That grandpa did this to you..m that we are from the family of E-Endeavour?"

He frowned and wiped her tears away as she holded his wrist while sobbing at the loss of Twice, whose always played and made silly faces with her on spare times.

"Yeah... Im sorry for not telling you... but I thought that... Me and your mother actually decided that Emika (L/n) was better than puttingnon a fake and... well, not right name on yours."

"... which hero... killed... mama..?" His heart stopped... should he reaally tell her? She was only a baby of five years.. five fucking years... he was already damaged by society, but her was just a little flower growing...

"Princess.. I-"

"Who?!" She sobbed as his eyes dropped, a heavy sigh as he dinally sit down on the edge of the sofa as he put his hand on his face as the other helped her sit on his lap.

"... your grandpa."

Emika cried heraelf to sleep that night. Wailing that she hated the heroes, that she hated Endeavour, that she hated him for not telling her the truth for so long, that she hated having fo be a Todoroki.

Each word was a spike to his chest as he tried and eventually succeed on calming her down enough, from harsh sobs and eails to soft sniffles and the rest of the tears she had to sheed.

He hugged her just a bit tighter that night as one drop of blood fell from his eyes.

"I thought I could do it (Y/n)... I fucking promised you... but... fuck." He bited his bottom scarred lips to contain a whimper "Everything is just the worst now... why did you have to be so goddamn stubborn and risk your life dammit..."

"Is your fourth bowl of ice cream ya know?" Dabi muttered from his place on the miserable yet comfy apartment you two shared as you stared back at him with a spoonfull of your favorite ice cream on hand close to your mouth.

"I have the right. I'm pregnant. Leave me be." You made a show of putting the spoon on your mouth and moaning out loud as Dabi shooked his head in dismay before taking a place on your side ofbthe couxh before you two cringed at the sounds of the old mobile almost creaking.

"We need to got money to find a new couch." You muttered horrified, just apmost ending all of your money on baby supplies and clothes.

"Or I can just steal one." He smirked at the slight slap you gave to him.

"And have shitty heroes coming our way later? Nu uh mister... maybe just rob a bank though." You muttered before both of you chuckled as you laid your head on his shoulder as he subconsciously placed his hand on the sweel of your stomach and felt a kick already.

"She is going to be a daddy's girl. Im so sure of it." You giggled as he arched an eyebrow.

"How cam you say this already? We dont even know if it is a girl of a boy doll."

"I know is a girl. I just know it. And she has already a favorite parent." You carresed your belly just besides where Dabi's hand was layed on.

"You're exaggerating." He chuckled as he felt another kick "They are going to be a nasty oen though, they kick alot."

"She kicks a lot when your nearby or talking to her. Just like I said, a daddy's girl." You smiled sweetly at him and he never felt so happy...

He looked at your lips for a second as you narrowed your eyes playfully at him before your lips almost touched-

He woke up with a hand tapping on his cheek and soon saw his daughter looking down at him with a pout.

"Can we go walk?" She almost whimpered as he could only stare and slowly nod as he caught his disguise and a very own for her.

She clunged to the black bunny plushie as she walked with pinks connected to him as he stated down at her in worry until she gasped at a convenience store.

"Dada! Snickers!" She pointed as he smiled at seeing a bit of bright on her eyes once again.

"How about we get some, eh?" She nodded with a small smile and soon followed her dad inside.

While she waited for Dabi to get the snacks and pay for them, for once, she gasped when a purple haired boy at the same age as her bumped accidentaly to her making her plushie drop.

"Hey!" She called out with tears on her eyes, being emotionally damaged enough for those past days.

"I'm sorry." The boy said immediatly, kneeling and grabbing the plushie to hand it to her "Its yours?" He tilted his head as Emika grabbed immediatly.

"Of course it was! It was with me until you bunped on me!" Emika slowly dropped her tone of voice at seeing how the purple haired boy seemed genuily sorry as he aproached and bowed once again.

"Sorry, I just am here to grab some medice and a chocolate for my mom and dad. They're both sick and they dont know i went out so I needed to hurry." He smiled as Emika soon dropped slowly her guard down as she muttered.

"Is okay... is just that bunny is speacial to me."

"I can see why. Your mama gave it to you right." Her turquoise eyes widened as she frowned her eyebrows at the boy.

"Kinda of..?" She clinged to the toy "Why do you that?"

He closed his eyes with a tiny giggle.

"Well, she told me as soon as you started to tear up. She is always by your side aparently." Emika eyes darkned and she let go of one hand of the plushie to heat up her hand.

"Say that one more time. I dare you. My mama is not here." She almost cried until the purple boy touched her forehead with two fingers and soon she was not more in the grocery store, but in a blank space.

"HEY YOU!" she shouted "THIS IS NOT FUNNY LET OUT YOU FUCK-"

"Geez, daddy did not spare you of curse words then?" She froze and looked behind her and saw the sane woman Dabi showed photos of and was compared whenever she was laughing or making a trick on others.

She froze for a bit before silently tears started to fall and she hiccupped for a bit before dropping her bunny and running to you as you hugged her tightly.

"Mama! I cant believe-! Is you-! I-I-" she hicupped as you wiped her tears with your thumb and let some of your own fall.

"You're take so much of your dada im so happy... My little girl is just so beautiful..." you whispered as she sobbed while wiping her tears with her sleeve.

"D-Dada!" She gasped before smiling widely and grabbing your sleeve "Dada needs to see this! Mama he misses you a lot he need to see yo-"

"Im sorry princess..." you grabbed her cheek softly "I wanted to see your daddy just as much, but I cant...." her face fell a bit but soon nodded while playing with your fingers and hair.

"Mama? Why did you do it?" You hummed as she looked up hesitantly "Why did youbleave dad? Why... you took.. Endeavour attack..?" She asked sadly as you furrowed your eyebrows but soon closed your eyes and smiled.

"Emika... the day you were born was the day I was gone as well... but when I saw your grandpa recognizing me as a villain and blasted an attack close to where you were... I just had to. I had to protect the feuit of love that me and your father made..." you smiled sadly as she sniffed.

"But you arent with us..." she almost sobbed until you made her look up.

"Emika... Im so sorry for the loneliness you had to endure... the pain... that was the only dowside of the decision I made. My swest little girl..." you cuppex her cheek and wiped a tear "Thank you for letting me be your mother, and Touya for being your father..."

You touched your forehead with her as she noticed your body was slowly turning to tiny hints of lights and fireflies.

"Mama..?" She looked at you crying softly as you kissed her forehead.

"Emika, evertime you see a star in the dark sky it will be me watching over you and your dada... and please understand one thing," you got away from her as your hair floated majestically "Dying for you, was a noble sacrifice I did for love..."

She widened her eyes as she grabbed your hands as you giggled at her expression.

"Say to dada Im watching him too, and that loving him were the happier moments I spend... I love him and always will...after all, he is my canolli, dead or not, okay?"

The littpe girl gasped and looked at the place she was, the grocery store and the boy from earlier retracting his hand with a unsure littpe smile.

"It was your quirk... you... you made me talk with my mama." She says outstruck as the boy giggled but soon gasped at looking the time.

"I have to go! But I hope we meet again." He ran to the door with the bags before looking one more time behind to her "Call me Akira! See you soon Emika-chan!"

She stood there in complete shook before brushing her fingers on the tingling spot you had kissed on her forehead before smiling widely and giggling before knocking her daddy's leg as he grunted.

"Emika what the-"

"Mama is watching us!" She bounced up and down as he atood with a 'what the fuck' expression.

"What the hell Emika?" He grabbed the packs and carried her as he walked on the street.

"Mama said your name is Touya dada! Which I found strange at first but anyway! She kissed my forehead! Hugged me and said how much she loves me and you and is watching us! She is a star dada! A star!!"

His eyes widened. Emika didn't hear his speech to Endeavour. Emika didn't know his real name was Touya instead of Dabi as the league called him... so she was not imagining neither making things up.

"..so you saw mama?" She giggled and nodded while boucing on his arms. "... did she say something else?" He asked hopefully and she smiled widely as much as you would do.

"She said loving you was the most happier she got! And that your are her canolli forever!"

His steps faltered and almost that he dropped his daughter as his eyes widened... only you knew that god for saken nickname you gaved to him...

"Dada?" His daughter words and hands on his cheeks made him ho back to reality as he saw the blood on his little girl's fingers and worried expression "Are you crying..? Dada?"

"Heh..." he wiped with one thumb the blood before smilling at her and continuing walking "Nah. Must be one of my staples..." he stared up as his daughter rested her face on his neck. "Mama is a star then?"

"Ya.." she yawned "Watching us... I bet she is that one." The little girl pointed at the shiniest star on the sku as Dabi smiled...

"Yeah... I also bet on that one."

#dabi x reader #touya todoroki x reader #bnha villains x reader #bnha villains #bnha fanfictions #bnha fanfic #zuffer writings #dabi #touya todoroki #bnha oc

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carry-on-my-wayward-butt · 4 years

Note

He did? Umm.. what happened exactly?

(referring to this post)

my 11th grade chemistry teacher had an associates degree in liberal arts.

you know how in virtually every class you’ve ever had since middle school, your teachers made a big stink about the syllabus? she didn’t have one. this was her first teaching job, which she got because of her length experience as a substitute, not by her licensing qualifications. we were, at first, excited to have her, because she was a “fun sub” and we were 17 years old and stupid as all shit. we were the “normal chem” class in a system where the only other options were “honors chem” which was filled with children who actually know how to study (or cheat) and have an air of proper student activity, and “AP Chem”, which is clear enough if you’ve been an american student in the last 15 years.

she followed the mcgraw hill chemistry book in order of chapters, despite the fact that our state standardized tests did several of the chapters out of order. ever notice how you’ll suddenly be looking at chapter 11 when just last week you were on chapter 5, then the next week you’re on chapter 8? standardized testing is the reason. anyways by asking my friends in other classes who had chemistry teachers of relative competence, i was able to discern which chapters i should focus on, and while she was distracted with literally watching youtube videos all period, I was turning around in my seat and walking across the classroom helping my friends and enemies with the packets. (she was a two-packets-a-week kinda teacher.)

yes i said enemies too. the people i hated, i hated because they were sons of bitches i wouldnt piss on to put out a fire. i hated them so dearly i used to pray to god that they would bump into me so i could throw myself into the concrete and split my forehead open and get them expelled due to the blood-clause of our “zero-tolerance policy”. two of the kids in my class had, only the previous year, attempted to set my hair on fire.

i hated the teacher more.

it gave me extreme pleasure to see her fume and clench her fists when a student would say “i need help” across the classroom and she would move to get up and they would say “oh not you miss, im waiting for vicky.” jesus christ the only time ive ever felt a comparable high was when i was at a halloween party in college where i was literally so zooted i couldn’t move.

it got worse over time, her getting more and more angry, my ego growing larger and larger. i was a huge bitch in high school, i really thought i was the smartest bitch in the room at any given moment. severe main character syndrome. imagine that kind of person actually being right for 45 minutes out of every day. can you even comprehend the kind of frustration that would create? in a room full of little sociopaths who dont give a shit about anything but getting this joke of a class over with so they can graduate? your first real teaching job and they look right past you, the teacher, to this annoying little shit whose grades are completely abysmal? how are they managing to learn anything from a child who can barely speak in front of more than 10 people? who turns cherry red in the face of literally every authority figure in the building except you? who can’t concentrate and stay still in one spot for more than five minutes? all of your other classes behave! they listen! they sit down and shut up and do the packets! so what fucking gives!!!

so you say “fine, since you all HATE ME so much i just won’t teach then!!!” on literally week fucking ten of teaching. and instead of prostrating themselves before you, begging you to like... point at transparencies and read directly from powerpoints i guess.

and they all collectively say “okay” and let the chipmunk child flutter between desks and help them memorize formulas and mnemonic devices and shit. surely her grades will suffer if she’s constantly dealing with other people and you’ll have justification that her horseshit is “distracting” and “a detriment to her studies”. she got bored gave up on that after two days after nothing changed.

then we did the midterm.

except at the end of the exam packet was something we never learned because again, she was going through the book chronologically. because i actually enjoyed the chem book (so much that i stole it when the year was up lmao), i knew the material.

it was about lewis dots/structures. i couldn’t tell you a damn thing about it today but in december 2010 i absolutely knew that shit. i didnt have too much of a problem with it in the exam, but the students who had gotten to that point were complaining and at first she pulled that “you should have been studying independently uwu” shit but the class was about to get loud during exam period so she shushed us and said that when we get to that point, just stop, and she’ll mark it correct during grading, no harm no foul just keep it quiet. one of the more confrontational students called horseshit and said theres no way we’re trusting that and there’s definitely no way anyone will keep an entire classroom cheating at the instruction of the teacher quiet.

i offered to teach it.

she scoffed, rolled eyes, said “sure fine but you can’t get your exam back” and i said “okay.” so when everyone was to the point in the exam, we piled them all on her desk and i used the whiteboard to briefly and quietly explain lewis dots, used the book examples and problems, and helped the other kids understand. there were a couple exam questions that were lifted straight from the book problems so i skipped those. while teaching i realized i had gotten a couple wrong which sucked :( it was an incredibly stupid experience overall, and no teacher worth the paper their certification is printed on would have allowed that to happen. and fucking yet.

anyways everyone but me got their exams back and finished it and many of us passed, only a few of them did particularly well.

discussing the chem exam with friends who also took the chem exam, many students found their anecdote about the lewis dots to be confounding, for you see, the exam we took was not, in fact, the midterm, but the god damned final.

she had us taking the fucking final because she didnt read the fucking folders which read “midterm” and “final exam” on them

she was reprimanded severely and we all had to take the exam on different days, in different classrooms, sitting very far apart. after that she hated me even more. like girl it was your fault lmao i am literally a teenager grow up lol. anyways you can imagine how much more fucking insufferable i became, knowing how miserable she was.

it all came to a head in february when some students were giggling quietly following a minor fuck up on her part regarding bellwork. they were making fun of her like “are you sure thats not tomorrows bellwork lol” and a friend next to me did the “hey i need help wait no miss not you sorry” thing and when i answered him, she solidly snapped. blah blah YOURE SOOOO DISTRACTING blah blah YOU THINK YOURE SOOOO SMART DONT YOU blah blah blah and she was like demanding i leave the room and shouting at the top of her lungs at me “ YOU POISON THE MINDS OF EVERY OTHER STUDENT HERE. YOU’RE POISONOUS VICTORIA, YOU’RE A VIRUS IN THIS CLASSROOM.”

i will never forget that line as long as i live. it was like crack to me. i moved to open the door to leave and the vp opened it first. he escorted me to the office and asked me what happened, then told me to keep my head down in class from now on, and that if i wanted to help my friends i should give them my number and help them out on our own time. i was like “bro thats really stupid” and he was like “thats all we can do right now but i promise we’re working on it”

i lasted the rest of the year giving smug smiles as we did packet after fucking packet for the rest of the year. they were all take-home work. i wasnt comfy giving my number to my enemies. the class camaraderie ended.

the final was altered. my class took a different final than the rest of the normal chem classes.

i started 12th grade and got a solid case of senioritis. i told that story to anyone who would listen. while it was happening, i obviously told my favorite teacher everything as it happened. when i mentioned it senior year he was like “oh yeah i forgot about her,

she was fired over the summer.”

#let me tell you bitch i SCREAMED......#anyways im not sorry this was long #its literally the only cool thing thats ever happened to or about me so shrugs #Anonymous

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naoyatoudo · 3 years

Text

i need to rant about how zzs was treated in shl hold on spoilers for the end of the drama

still pissed. i hate HATE HATE that zzs was shoved to the side and became the little side piece to wkx’s story of revenge. hello? he’s the MC. ZZS is the MC. WKX is the ML. this is not the wkx story this is the zzs story, literally, he is the main character. why does he just drop back into the background at some point, shoved into a corner, used only to make wkx look good? hello? how the fuck is it that he was captured and tortured for days but no one asks after him or shows much care when he comes back...........it just goes to wkx’s stupid plan that he DOESN’T TELL ZZS ABOUT? HELLO?

and after wkx “dies” no one even thinks to keep an eye on zzs despite him literally trying to commit suicide to follow after him before. how the fuck could they just leave him alone?? and then even when zcl and jby and wx learn about him taking out the nails they just are like. ok bye :) at least zcl cries but THE FOCUS IS STILL ON WKX??????????? THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME OUTSIDE LIKE 5 MINUTES??? AND WKX OF COURSE HAS THIS WEIRD OOC MOMENT AND LIES TO ZZS AND ACTS LIKE ZZS DESERVES IT AS IF HE HASNT LIED TO ZZS MULTIPLE TIMES NEAR THE END DESPITE THE FACT THEY HAVE A WHOLE THING ABOUT NOT LYING TO EACH OTHER BUT WHATEVER. HAHA. WHO CARES RIGHT? AS LONG AS WKX LOOKS SYMPATHETIC AND GOOD! FUCK. IT’S SO OBVIOUS THE SCRIPTWRITER HAS A WKX BIAS IT MAKES ME FEEL ILL.

I’M SO ANGRYYYYYYY HOW ZZS WAS TREATED LIKE SHIT IN THIS. LIKE GREAT SO YOU TOOK AWAY HIS DECISION WITH HIS LIFE TO SACRIFICE YOUR OWN SO HE’D LIVE FOREVER AND TRAPPED ON A MOUNTAIN AND CAN ONLY EAT SNOW. ALONE. FOREVER. HOW KIND OF YOU. IT’S NOT LIKE YBY HAS A WHOLEEEEEEE EXTRA ABOUT HOW MISERABLE THAT IS OR ANYTHING IN THE NOVEL RIGHT? FUCK OFF. HOW DARE YOU DRAMA WKX.

NOT TO MENTION HOW THE COSTUMES AND MAKEUP WERE CLEARLY HIGHER QUALITY FOR WKX...LIKE REALLY? REALLY?????/ ASIDE THE NEW YEARS ONES IT’S SO STARK HOW MUCH MORE MONEY WENT INTO WKX’S LOOK. AND THE AMOUNT OF TIMES WE HAVE TO SEE THE SAME STUPIF FUCKING FLASHBACKS OF WKX YES I KNOW HIS PAST YES I GET IT I DONT NEED TO SEE IT EVERY EPISODE 3 TIMES.

THE NOVEL. IS ABOUT. ZZS. IT’S ABOUT HIM LEARNING TO MOVE ON AND SPEND HIS LIFE FREELY. WITH HIS OWN DECISIONS. AND BE HIMSELF. SINCE HE COULDN’T DO ANY OF THAT WHILE STUCK SERVING THE EMPEROR (PRINCE HERE, WHATEVER). AMAZING HOW WKX TAKES THAT AWAY FROM HIM AT THE END OF THE DRAMA AND IT’S PLAYED AS GOOD AND ROMANTIC. WKX’S REVENGE PLOT IS IN THE BACKGROUND AND IN THE END HE LITERALLY /LITERALLY/ CHOOSES TO LIVE SO HE CAN BE WITH ZZS. THERE IS NO SACRIFICE ON HIS PART. ZZS DOES NOT GET INVOLVED IN HIS SHIT EXCEPT TO SAVE HIM AT THE END. ZZS LITERALLY STATES WKX’S PLOTS ARE HIS OWN AND HE HAS NO RIGHT TO BUT IN IN THE NOVEL.

WHY DID YOU WRITE ZZS LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHO HE IS? I GET CHANGING THINGS TO MAKE HIM PALATABLE FOR A WIDER AUDIENCE BUT COME ON. AND HIS CRYING AND SIMPERING..LIKE..>???????????? EVEN THEN FINE. BUT THEN YOU TURN HIM INTO A SIDE PIECE WHO JUST IS THERE FOR WKX TO LOOK GOOD. I AM SSSSSO MAD AND I’M GLAD APPARENTLY CHINESE FANS ARE TOO (?) . he deserved better. he did not deserve to be cast aside so the limelight can be on wkx. i feel so bad for zzs and for his ACTOR because even with the actos everyone is soooo focused in wkx’s actor.

wkx’s actor did well don’t get me wrong, glad he is getting attention, but zzs’ actor did really well too.......ugh. the way people are so into wkx and just use zzs as a piece for him even in fics now..like whya re so many fics zzs crying over wkx dying or being a comfort for an upset wkx?? zzs is the one who is literally in pain every single day, was literally tortured and betrayed, lost EVERYONE from his sect, and the whole shit show with wkx’s fake death HE WASN’T TOLD WAS FAKE. SO HE HASTENED HIS DEATH. but no it’s all about wkx and wkx’s emotions right? fuck off.

i’m gonna write so much stuff for zzs. im gonna write jby noticing zzs is upset and confronting and comforting him. for a supposed best friend in the drama he didn’t do fucking much. idk why wx and jby were even there, in the novel they cure him but here they just. what give him medicine so he can live an extra week? wow great.

im so sad we didnt get to see all the things zzs thinks in the novel that show how affected he is by everything and how traumatized he is. i hate how they made his shizun this friendly father figure when he was a rough person who died and left everything for zzs to handle alone at FIFTEEN. i hate how they made zzs the prince’s cousin for NO FUCKING REASON when zzs was just some guy from a family in the jianghu who befriended the prince to help his sect survive.

why is it the series starts off well and with zzs as the mc and switches at some point to be the wkx show? i still like wkx but im so........disappointed. im so disappointed if my rants didnt say it enough ufbhvndskm, especially how the other characters dont notice how upset or pained zzs is at any point?? how the fuck did jby not??? amazingly zcl is the best with it...T__T

also why is it they fight constantly and even though zzs is literally right usually wkx is the sympathetic one and they never talk it through zzs just kind of goes back over to him and they act like normal?? hello??? yeah, uh, zzs was RIGHT. INNOCENT PEOPLE WERE LITERALLY BEING KILLED FOR WKX’S PLAN. YES ZZS WAS RIGHT. IT’S HIS LIFE IF HE WANTS TO JUST DIE FROM HIS WOUNDS AND NOT LOSE HIS MARTIAL ARTS HE CAN. does no one remember in the novel when wkx tries to destroy his martial arts zzs stops him with a “if anyone should understand, it’s you..” and wkx just stops and says “yes...i..i understand...” and respects zzs’ wishes???

what were their other stupid fights? oh yeah zzs again saying innocent people die and oh look he was right again. when wkx betrays zzs’ trust and does his fake death without telling him zzs doesnt even get mad at him. meanwhile wkx raged at him for choosing his own path in life that wkx didnt want...right, that’s good. then the fucking end with wkx saying it’s his turn to lie to zzs like he didnt before. i would punch wkx into the ground for that. fuck you asshole, are you kidding me with this shit??

also why did it take so long for zzs to realize who wkx is in the drama?? in the novel they figured each other out right away almost... why is zzs weaker physically and not as smart.. T_T and he took his disguise off earlier so the fangirls wouldnt have to deal with the “ugly” (wasnt even ugly) look...i know it would never have happened but i feel like wkx’s reaction to his real face was kind of understated. i’ve already said i dislike the shidi-shixiong thing but i do get why they did it so whatever.

im mostly mad about how zzs was picked up, slapped around, and thrown outside.........

scriptwriter why do you hate zzs.......?

#rant

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nightowlfandom · 5 years

Text

Yandere! Jeon Jungkook Smut- Until I Can’t anymore.

REQUEST FROM PROMPT LIST- RIGHT HERE!

31- You need to be taught a lesson.

40- I think you’re wonderful...those horrible people you’ve dated...they don’t deserve you

48- You deserve better...someone who cares about you

I am so sorry I didn’t get to this sooner, but I have like more than 10 other requests waiting to be finished, including ones I might have to start over...but you didn’t come here to hear me complain you can’t for smuuut

I also changed this request up a little! hope you don’t mind!

EDIT FROM FUTURE AUTHOR-CHAN-....I FORGOT AN ENTIRE ASS PROMPT FBGIEGBOIEWGEW IM SO SORRY

Also I’m really playing on the yandere thing soooo ya also trigger warning there will be slightly dark themes like almost getting abused and getting bullied please proceed with caution if those are tough subjects for you.

Leggo!!

...

For the past few weeks you had felt like someone was watching you, maybe it was paranoia or maybe you were onto something, you had no clue. it seemed as if lately you had to be more and more on guard but you didn’t know for sure. You felt an...uneasiness.

“Hey!” you were walking down the street when a familiar sounding voice caught your attention. You saw Jungkook jogging to catch up to you. “I was wondering when I’d see you again.”

“Hi Jungkook!” you cheer happily. “I haven’t talked to you in a bit. What’s new popstar?” you teased.

“Oh stop.” he chuckled. “I’m more interested in you, lovely.” he winked, making you heat up a bit. “How are you today beautiful?”

“Better now that you’re here.” you said shyly. You may or may not have had a small crush on Jungkook.

“Hm I’m glad.” he smirked. “Excuse me for seeming sudden but I’d love to take you somewhere.”

Your heart fell, you really couldn’t bring yourself to reject him, but you had a good reason for it.

“Jungkook...I-” you began. You stopped yourself when Jungkook tilted his head to the side like a puppy, his lips were on the verge of forming into a frown. “I’d love to.” you sighed, giving in. Guilt flooded your chest.

“Great!” Jungkook smiled. “I’ll cook for you, make you something real nice while we spend time together.” he grabbed both your hands.

“Sounds fun.” you chuckled, slowly feeling that guilt fade. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Jungkook smiled, but he noticed your hesitation at first. He was afraid that he had come on to strong, then again...knowing you, there was more at hand. He knew that something was eating at you and if he knew you like he thought he did, it had something to do with a certain other man who had been causing you trouble, but that was just him thinking about it.

“I’ll pick you up tonight, babe.” Jungkook winked. “Until then, wear something super pretty for me. Won’t you?”

You felt your face heat up again and you looked down at your shoes. “I’ll try to.”

“Perfect. Well I won’t keep you too long, you should get back to shopping. That jacket you were looking at just went on sale.” he smiled lightly, turning around.

The jacket you wanted went on sale?!! Awesome!.

“Wait a sec...Jungkook how did you know I wanted a-” you turned around to find him gone from your sight. “Weird...” you trailed off. “Might as well hurry up so I can get ready.”

...

“Hello there beautiful.” Jungkook was at your door, dressed nicely. “Perfect as always.” he chuckled. Okay it was the first time in awhile you had worn a skirt bu the didn’t need to stroke your ego that much.

“Oh hush.” you felt your face heat up. “I look a mess.”

Jungkook slipped his fingers under your chin and made you look up. “Never.”

“..O-okay.” you mumbled shyly.

“You ready to go?” Jungkook chuckled. “I plan on making the best food you’ve ever tasted so I hope you’re hungry.” He grabbed your hand.

“Yeah, hope you know I’m a real critic when it comes to good food.” you joked.

“Oh now I really have to step it up.” he replied, winking. You felt your face heat up again. Jungkook thought it was so cute, he admired your shyness. It was no wonder why he took such a deep interest in you. “Y/N...is something bothering you?”

“Hm? Oh no! I’m just..thinking.” you smiled. “Come on, let’s go.” you grabbed his hand.

Jungkook’s apartment was very clean and neat. His place was exactly as you pictured it. Not that you pictured it before...

“Have a seat! Make yourself at home.” he ventured into the kitchen.

“Actually...if you want I could help you cook. It’ll go by faster and we can talk and stuff.” you suggested.

“Y-Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” Jungkook replied, his smile widening. Just hearing you say he wanted you two to cook together made him even happier. “You can put your jacket on the couch and join me in the kitchen.”

You two began on dinner. Both your and Jungkook’s heart were racing. It was almost like you were a couple! Jungkook watched you giggle at one of his 5-star jokes. He watched you cut some vegetables, almost like a pro. He wanted to cook with you more.

“Kookie?” your melodic voice caught his attention. ‘All done.” you said after you caught his attention again. You gave him a nickname! He wanted to hear it all the time from you.

“Perfect.” he smiled. “We just have to do that and then everything is finished.”

“Cool.” you turned towards him. “Hey..you got a little...” you tried to tell Jungkook something was on his face.

“Hm?” Jungkook looked confused.

“Here. Let me get it.” you reached out your hand to wipe his face. You could have sworn you saw him lean into your hand a little all you wiped his face. His face was so cute that you could just-

You stood on your toes and gave Jungkook a little peck, not even half a second of your lips against his. It however, felt like a million years to Jungkook. His heart was racing and his brain went haywire feeling your lips on his.

“Oh my gosh I’m sorry I was ju-” Jungkook gently grabbed each side of your face and kissed you himself. This time longer. You almost melted into him. You instantly pulled back when you realized you had began to entangle your fingers in his hair.

“I’m sorry! What that too sudden?” Jungkook asked, afraid he had did something wrong. You instantly shook your head, a breathless smile on your face.

“No....it’s just I didn’t want you to burn the food.” you replied, making Jungkook turn around to flicker the stove off. You touched your lips a little...woah...just wow.

....

“So what did you think?” Jungkook asked you after you took your last bite.

“I take back what I said about you burning the food.” you chuckled. “Absolutely amazing.”

“It was better because you were in the kitchen with me...I’d say we make a pretty good team.” he winked. “Y/N...can I ask you something?”

“Sure!” you looked at him with bright eyes.

“...What do you think of me?” he suddenly asked.

“You’re great!” you replied without hesitation. “Absolutely amazing.”

“Y/N...I want to know your feelings for me.” Jungkook sighed. “Because mine for you are very strong.”

“What?” you were lowkey confused.

“I love you Y/N...ever since we’ve met.” Jungkook finally confessed, feeling the biggest weight off his shoulders. “I don’t just love you Y/N...I’m in love with you-” he was cut off by your phone ringing. You looked down and groaned loudly.

“Oh come on...” you sighed. “Jungkook I’m sorry, I swear I’m listening to you.” you grabbed your phone. You had let it ring then found you got a voicemail. You looked at Jungkook with fear in your eyes. “I’ll listen to it later.”

“Who is it?” Jungkook asked.

“Someone who I really didn’t want to think about today.” you shook your head. “It’s...very hard to explain.”

Jungkook nodded thoughtfully, even though he already knew (through extensive research) the name of the miserable punk you were about to say. Jungkook listened as you ranted about your shit stain of a boyfriend that you wanted to get rid of. Checking out other girls, talking shit about your friends, insulting your career choices.

“He even-” you stopped yourself.

“He even what?” Jungkook asked, raising an eyebrow. You shook your head. “Y/N”

“He began having his friends call me too...to tell me to forgive him and how I’d be lucky if he even took me back.”

“Y/N....is he bothering you.?” Jungkook asked seriously. “Tell me the truth.”

“...Yeah.” you finally said. “He won’t leave me alone even after I told him to jump off a cliff and die.” you looked down at your wrists. “I was so distraught that I almost didn’t show up tonight.”

“Y/N, You deserve better...someone who cares about you.” he made you look at him. “Someone who...”he scooted closer to you.

“Jungkook, you deserve better than someone who can’t even face their own problems.” you said honestly. You didn’t want Jungkook to think you were weak and couldn’t just punch Y/BF/N in the balls and walk off.

“I think you’re wonderful...those horrible people you’ve dated, they don’t deserve you...” Jungkook couldn’t tame the rage building up in his chest. He had the urge to...hurt someone. Not you of course, you were the love of his life...but anyone else in close range that looked like a threat wasn’t safe.

“ He still thinks that I want to be with him but I swear I don’t...I...like you too Jungkook.”B-but you probably wouldn’t -”

“Don’t finish that sentence my love.”Jungkook’s voice got deeper. Damn, it was weird when he talked like that...but somehow you liked it. “Would you like to be mine?”

“Uh...me?’ your jaw sort of dropped.

“Uh yes, you’re the only person in this room Y/N.” you looked at him. You had no idea what you saw, but you swore that you saw his eyes flicker, shine, or something. “I’ll treat you so good, like you deserve.” he kissed your cheek. “What do you say?” Jungkook wouldn’t jump to the part where he told you he what he would do to anyone who dare tried to cross you or him as a couple.

Jungkook kissed your lips, caressing the sides of your face. His lips were soft, but...still rough? How would you explain it? You slowly felt yourself fell back. You caught yourself on your elbows but still easing back. Jungkook slowly crawled over you. Your resolve to run away in shock was weakening.

“Jungkook t-this is moving really fast” you shook at Jungkook trailed his mouth down your neck. “Not that I’m not okay with this because I am I promise but.... I’m lowkey kinda of inexperienced.”

Jungkook laughed, still trailing down your neck with his lips. “Then I’ll take the lead, but I’d prefer we not do this on the floor.” he chuckled. “Sooo..up you go!”

“Wh-AAH!” before you knew it, you were in Jungkook’s arms and were being carried off somewhere into his apartment. Jungkook carried you to his bedroom, a smirk on his face and he threw you onto the bed. (Dude what is it with me and throwing people.) His bed was a plush surface, almost bouncy.

Jungkook crawled over your body, beginning to rid himself of his shirt. “May I?” he asked, playing with the hem of your shirt.

Shyly, you lifted your arms over your head and Jungkook wasted no time in yanking your shirt over your head. His lips found your collarbone. Jungkook fought the urge to leave marks and bruises all along your skin, but the urge won.

“Mmff-” Jungkook tangles his hand in your hair while his free arm wrapped around your waist. You had helped him ease off your skirt. Jungkook furiously unbuckled his belt, almost growling in a haste. He hiked his knee up between your legs, gently grazing you.

‘J-jungkook.” your legs shook in anticipation. You were taken aback when Jungkook suddenly pushed aside your panties. Useless lace shitty bullshit. Jungkook smiled.

“Stay with me from now on. Don’t leave me, don’t go anywhere without me.” he urged, positioning himself at your entrance. “Are you...ready?”

You shyly nodded. Jungkook had his hands on either side of your head.

“I’ll be gentle...I promise.”

.....

“Well today is a nice day do do something!” you commented. “What do you feel like doing today?”

“I don’t know. Would would you like to do today, beautiful?” he asked.

You were at your house with Jungkook. He had come over bright and early, but now you two were bored.

“Hm...what abo-”

You suddenly heard a weird banging on the door, followed by someone calling your name.

“Y/N! You open this door!”

“....A visitor I’m assuming?” Jungkook joked, but his facial expression showed that he was growing agitated and annoyed with whoever was knocking.

“Jungkook I don’t think you should get that door.” you warned.

“Hm, why not. It’s rude not to let a guest in!”Jungkook sounded delighted, it was almost scary. Jungkook opened the front door and Y/BF/N stormed in, looking absolutely pissed.

“So this is how you treat your boyfriend? I have to hear from my friends that you’re getting chummy with some pretty boy!”

“Ex-boyfriend.” you corrected. “We talked about this.”

“Shut up!” Y/BF/N barked at you. “This is the punk you leave me for?!?” he motioned to Jungkook who looked very nonchalant.

“Looking at you, I would say it’s quite the upgrade.” Jungkook said smugly. “You must be Y/BF/N.” he said tiredly.”You have been an issue in Y/N’s life for a while now.”

“Fuck off pretty boy, Y/N, you’re coming with me.”

“I suggest you not do that.” Jungkook warned. “You just might regret it.”

“And but what are you gonna do about it. She’s my property and I can do or say whatever I fucking want to her. “ Y/BF/N towered over Jungkook. Surprisingly Jungkook looked far from frightened, in fact he looked almost like he found this funny. He suddenly yawned as if this conversation bore him.

Suddenly Jungkook burst into a fit of laughter. Correction, he did find this funny.

“Ahh I didn’t want to get my hands dirty.” he shook his head. “But you leave me no choice.” Jungkook suddenly turned towards you.

“My love...turn around and close your eyes. It would be such a shame if...you witnessed.” he chuckled. Wait when did his voice start sounding like that? “Y/N? Beautiful, I would insist you listen to me it would be better if your pretty eyes weren’t exposed to such violence..” he raised an eyebrow at you. “Especially for what’s in store for this pest.”

When you didn’t move Y/BF/N laughed out loud.

“Just what the fuck do you plan on do- ARGGHHH” You were caught of guard when Jungkook grabbed Y/BF/N’s arm and in one swift move broke his arm. Jungkook punched Y/BF/N right in the nose, most likely breaking it. Jungkook grabbed his wrist and snapped it in the opposite direction.

“How dare you even think of trying to taint and harm living, breathing perfection.” he growled, pushing your now frightened ex to the ground. By this time you had followed Jungkook’s instructions and turned away from the scene, covering your eyes. You squinted your eyes shut, only hearing Jungkook’s punches land onto Y/BF/N.

“Y/N you’d better help me!” Y/BF/N barked.

Jungkook stomped on Y/BF/N’s shoulder, most likely dislocating it. “She’s my princess now.” stomp “She isn’t going to worry about your abuse or your worthless ass anymore.” he spat. stomp. Stomp...another stomp “I fucking warned you, you piece of SHIT! People like you infuriate me.”

You had never heard Jungkook so violent before, it scared you. You didn’t even realize your breath had begun to pick up.

“You have ten seconds to get up, and get out of my sight.” you heard him. “TEN...NINE...or so you want me to kill you next.”

kill, DID HE JUST SAY KILL!??!!

“Y/N?” Jungkook’s voice suddenly went soft. You heard his footsteps approach you. “Y/N it’s okay.” you felt his arms wrap around you. “You don’t have to worry about him anymore.”

You turned around and opened your eyes, looking up at him. You didn’t dare look at Y/BF/N barely moving body. You only knew he was still conscious because of his pained groans. You looked up at Jungkook who didn’t have a scratch on him. You couldn’t help but bury your head into his chest.

You cracked your eyes open to see Y/BF/N getting up. He had anger in his eyes but that quickly turned into him cowering like a little bitch when Jungkook turned back towards him, fury in his eyes.

“You know what Y/N?...You aren’t...w-worth it. H-have fun with your downgrade.” he suddenly began limping. “Don’t come crawling back to me when he turns out to be nothing but a-” he coughed. “But a hack.” he walked off. “

“Good luck with that.” Jungkook rolled his eyes. “He had better hope that’s the last we see him.” he mumbled. You were still surprised by what you saw. Jungkook must have noticed this because his face slightly fell.

“Do you still want to be with me?” he asked. You looked up at Jungkook. “I promise you, I would never act like that towards you. I wouldn’t never hurt you. I’d go to great lengths to protect you no matter what. D-don’t look at me and be scared of me. P-please?” Jungkook whispered. You were confused, maybe a bit weirded out but you still weren’t afraid of Jungkook, even if you did just see him take out a guy who legit worked out every day.

“Y-yes.” you answered without another word. You looked up at him. “Y-yes I still want to be with you.”

Jungkook sighed with relief. He would protect you, keep you from anything that even posed a potential threat to you. He’d go through great lengths to keep bad things from happened, even if it meant he had to hide things from you to do it...even if it meant..

“Now that that’s over.”Jungkook sighed. “Why don’t we just stay in and order takeout.”

(If I was allowed to, I’d make my Yandere requests a lot more sadistic...but until someone asks for that then...eh)

381 notes · View notes

quickeningheart · 5 years

Text

Twenty

The garage doors were shut, which meant either the gang was still out investigating, or it was later than Alley had thought and the Last Chance was closed for the night. She hoped for the former as she typed the security code into the panel on the wall, allowing the door to raise halfway before slipping under it.

No such luck. They were all back. She wasn’t particularly shocked to find people still inside the garage; she was surprised to find that Chris and Chex were among them. She hadn’t noticed either of their cars parked on the street.

“So, you totally blew off lunch,” Chex scolded as she bounced forward. “I was mad until I got your text. Man, that blows. I can’t believe—Holy hell what happened to you? You get into a fight or somethin’?” She stopped talking long enough to give the frazzled blonde a lengthy once-over.

Embarrassed, Alley glanced down at herself, noting the state of her clothes, wrinkled and liberally stained with grass and dirt. She was sure her hair was a tangled mess, their braids long undone. She couldn't even guess where the elastic bands had gotten to; she strongly suspected they were still back at the lake. “Oh. Uh…” She felt herself blushing under the scrutiny. “M-My pet rat just died.” She held up the empty box. “Throttle took me out to bury her.”

“What, did he try ‘n bury you along with her?” Chex jumped when Chris elbowed her sharply in the side.

“Ignore the birth defect. She suffers from chronic Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome. I’m sorry about your pet, Alley.”

“Uh, yeah. Me too. That bites.” Chex offered a sheepish grin. “Rats are cool.”

“It’s okay. I feel a little better now. I was afraid I'd just have to dump her body, but Throttle helped me bury her under a tree. It was kind've therapeutic. He carved her name into the trunk. Even said a little blessing over her grave and everything. It was really sweet.”

Charley and the mice exchanged glances, eyebrows raised all around. “Yeah,” Vinnie sniggered. “Real sweet of ‘im.”

Now it was Charley’s turn to make use of her elbow. “You gonna be okay?” she asked her cousin, concerned. “That’s a lot of bad news for one—”

“Holy shit, girl, is that a hickey?” Ignoring her brother’s exasperated sigh, Chex grabbed Alley’s sweater and peeled it back. “It is! There’s like a whole flock of ‘em!” She looked inexplicably delighted by the discovery, eyes sparkling with devilish humor. “Sooo … after burying your pet, I guess he decided to help distract you from your grief with a little wrestling and—”

She was once again cut off by a swat from her brother. “Don’t be disgusting, Chex,” he snapped. “She’s a human! He’s a giant rodent! There’s no way they could—”

“Says you,” Vinnie cut in with a derisive snort, stepping forward to sling a possessive arm around Charley’s shoulders. “From where I’m standin’, we can just fine, thanks.” Two jaws dropped, and Charley looked like she wanted to crawl into the floor.

“You mean … the two of you are—” Chris choked out.

“She’s my girl,” Vinnie confirmed proudly. “An’ I’m her mouse!”

Charley just sighed and shrugged in a what-can-ya-do gesture.

Chex’s shock slowly faded as a delighted grin reappeared. “Gettin’ frisky with the furries!” She nodded approvingly. “Dude, that’s hot.”

Charley and Chris both choked. Vinnie preened. Modo looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. Alley kind've understood how he felt. She groaned and wiped a hand over her face. “Chex, really?”

“What?” Her expression was all innocence.

“I’m goin’ to bed.” Alley stalked to the garbage bin to dump the empty box into it.

“Aw, come on, it was just gettin’ good!” Laughing, Chex moved to keep her from leaving. “What happened between you two while you were out burying things? And how come he’s not here?”

Alley was wondering that, herself. Damned mouse, throwing her to the wolves like this… “Nothing happened,” she growled.

“Your appearance would suggest otherwise,” Chex teased. “Come on, tell!”

Alley shot a pleading glance at her cousin, who merely raised an eyebrow in return as a small grin twitched around her mouth. Clearly, she would be getting no help from that quarter. Huffing, she turned to stomp up the stairs, only to run headlong into a furry body directly in her path. Startled, she looked up to find Stoker standing over her, shirtless, with a towel draped around his neck. His fur was damp, clearly just from a shower. “Yes,” he deadpanned, expression droll. “Do tell us what happened while you were out tonight.” He stepped back to look her over, face darkening as he took in the smattering of love bites visible under the open sweater. He reached out to yank its hood until it slipped down around her elbows, revealing the bruises peppering her throat and collarbone and even further, vanishing under her clothes. His eyes narrowed dangerously as he took in the suspicious hole in her shirt, dotted with traces of blood. She could feel the hot flush spreading over her skin, wanting nothing more than to crawl into a crack and hide.

“Did he attack you?” Stoker finally asked, voice deceptively soft.

She gaped at him. “Do you even hear yourself?”

“Yeah! She was obviously a willing participant,” Chex put in with a snicker. Stoker shot her an annoyed glance; she held up her hands in surrender and backed off, still smirking.

“Nothing happened,” Alley growled, stamping her foot.

“I can smell him all over you. Those bruises don’t look like ‘nothing’.”

Blush darkening, she yanked her sweater closed and glared. “It’s none of your business, either way!”

Chris shifted uncomfortably. “It’s getting late,” he muttered. “We gotta get back to the dorms or we’ll miss curfew.”

“But we just got here! You were soooo insistent on coming out and making sure Alley was okay. What happened to helping her in her time of need?” Chex asked, pouting.

He sneered. “Looks like someone already beat me to it."

Alley straightened, shooting him a wounded look. “That’s not fair!”

“Oh, don’t mind him.” Chex smirked. “He’s just pissy ‘cause his crush totally got laid.”

Chris’s face slowly turned a deep shade of crimson. “Blow it out your ass, Connie,” he snarled over Alley’s denials. “I’m going back to the dorm. You comin’ or you gonna walk?” He turned to stomp off.

“Wait! Chris…” Alley called after him. He ignored her.

“Ooooo, touchy. No worries, I can catch a ride!” Chex shot Modo a hopeful glance, who in turn frowned at her, the very picture of fatherly disapproval. She heaved a sigh, rolling her eyes. “Okay, fine. Should’ve drove myself. Hold up, Spaz, I’m comin’!” Mouthing a quick “call me” to Alley, she turned to trot after her twin.

Leaving Alley to face the wolves by herself. She gulped.

There was a long, awkward silence, during which Alley fidgeted nervously and considered making a mad dash for her bedroom. Of course, Stoker effectively blocked her route up the stairs, but there was always the fire escape...

"So," Charley began, effectively breaking the silence. "Can I take this to mean that you've become more open to inter-species relationships?"

Alley pursed her lips, nonchalantly picking caked dirt from under her fingernails. “I’m no longer … completely opposed to the idea,” she mumbled.

"How generous of Throttle, steppin’ up to help you overcome your aversion to our species," Stoker snorted, looking anything but happy. "Way to take one for the team."

Jaws dropped all around. Modo and Vinnie exchanged alarmed glances as Charley sighed heavily and wiped a hand over her face, shaking her head.

Alley calmly stepped up, hauled back, and delivered a clean uppercut directly to Stoker’s jaw.

His head snapped back as a startled grunt escaped. The force of the hit caused him to stagger back a step or two, where he promptly tripped over the bottom step and stumbled backwards, landing right on his tail, sprawled over the stairs. He gaped up at the blonde, who stood over him with an evil glare, shaking the pain out of her hand. “You’re an ass,” she hissed, stepping over him and marching up the stairs. A few moments later a door slammed.

He gingerly worked his jaw, rubbing the abused skin; he could feel the welt already swelling under his fur. Charley knelt beside him, her expression a mix of sympathy and amusement. “You okay?” she asked, shooting a scolding glance at Vinnie and Modo, who were trying (and failing miserably) to hide their snickers.

He let his head rest against the step. "Been better," he sighed

She grinned. “She clocked you a good one, huh? Need some ice?”

He huffed, insulted. “What do you take me for?”

She patted his shoulder. “I hate to say I told you so—"

"No, you don't," he snorted. "An' I know. I had it comin'."

She hummed in agreement. “I think you’ve probably got a bit groveling to do.”

He chuckled. “Stuck my foot in it, huh?”

“Sure,” she teased. “Your foot, your knee, your upper thigh…”

“Okay, okay. Smartass.” A grin twitched his mouth and he tossed his damp towel over her head. "Think she'll forgive me if I buy her another rat?"

"I dunno, Coach. Rate you're goin', you better make it a pony," Modo quipped, earning more snickers from Vinnie.

"I think she'll forgive you if you offer a heartfelt apology." Charley tugged on a lock of his hair.

"I was afraid you'd say that."

"You do know what one of those is, right?"

"Sure! It’s that thing where you tell your lady that you were wrong about everything in your entire life, an’ pray she won’t make you sleep on the couch for the rest of it.”

“Oh, stop it.” Charley laughed and delivered a playful smack to his shoulder.

He smirked and hauled himself to his feet, wincing when his back popped with the effort. He was gettin’ too damned old. His sleek black racer rolled over to him, and he hopped on with a grateful pat to the crankshaft.

“Where ya goin’?” Vinnie asked. “Ya ain’t runnin’ away, are ya?”

“Better let her calm down a bit. Word of advice, punk. It’s a lot easier to apologize when yer not too busy dodgin’ the blunt objects bein’ hurled at your head.” Stoker pulled on his wing-eared helmet. “‘Sides, I’ve got a few phone calls to make.”

“You realize there’s a perfectly good phone right over there,” Charley offered, bemused.

“Ain’t the right kinda phone, honey.” He gave her a wink before revving his engine and shooting out of the garage, barely missing the half-open door on the way.

~*~*~*~*~

After convincing the guys to go to the scoreboard for the night, Charley found herself standing outside of Alley’s bedroom. She took a fortifying breath, knocked lightly, opened the door a crack to peer into the room.

Alley looked up from her spot on the floor, where she was busily cleaning out the empty cage. “I’m not gonna apologize for hitting him,” she warned.

“I don’t expect you to.” Charley wandered into the room and made herself comfortable on the bed. “He deserved a punch.” She smiled at Alley's surprise; clearly, she’d been expecting a scolding. “Don’t hold it against him, though, huh?” she added. “Jealousy doesn’t look good on anybody.”

The blonde snorted and turned back to the cage. “Where is everyone?” she asked after a moment.

“Dunno where Stoker got off to, but I sent the other two home. I suspect they might’ve gone looking for Throttle.”

“They’re not gonna yell at him, are they?”

“Of course not.” Charley shrugged. “Not like he did anything wrong. Right?” She watched her cousin for a few moments, before nudging her leg with a booted foot. “So. You and Throttle, huh? How long has this been going on?”

“It hasn’t,” Alley muttered, dumping a tray of used wood shavings into a garbage bag.

“He’s been spending an awful lot of time with you, hasn’t he? Not that it’s a bad thing. I’m glad to see you’re both getting on so well, actually. But…”

Alley sat back with a sigh, running a hand through her hair. “It’s not like I went out there planning to seduce him or anything,” she mumbled. “We were just talking and then … and then he was kissing me and…” She flushed, glancing away. “I didn’t … hate it.”

“So, he’s a good kisser, huh?” Charley’s eyes sparkled.

The blonde shifted, blushing. “Well, honestly, it was kind’ve awkward,” she confessed. “I mean, he doesn’t even have lips! We didn’t quite … mesh.”

“Soooo … he’s a bad kisser?” The mechanic’s lips twitched.

“I didn’t say that.” Alley rolled her eyes, smirking. “Once we figured out what went where, it was actually quite—” She stopped, clearing her throat as her cousin laughed. “But then I had to go and bring up Carbine.” She sighed heavily, dropping the litter scoop and sitting back against the bed, drawing her knees up to her chest. “After that he got real quiet. Then we came back here. He dropped me off, and took off on his own. Said he had to clear his head.”

“Hmmm. Probably feels guilty. At least you stopped when you did. It’d be worse if you’d kept going.”

“I know.” She leaned against Charley’s leg. “But part of me wishes I’d never mentioned her name. Now things are gonna be all awkward between us and I don’t want that. I really like him, you know? I want to get to know him better.”

“Well, the fact that he made a move suggests definite interest. What kind and how much is another issue.” Charley sighed. “Carbine is the problem. Those two have been together for a long time, but I know their relationship has been pretty rocky at times. They hardly see each other as it is, and now that she's been made general, I don't imagine it will get any easier. What with her being on an entirely different planet and all…” She shifted. “Fact is, he might just be lonely, you know? And if you've developed any feelings for him, he might be picking up on that.”

“Oh, that makes me feel much better,” Alley grumbled.

Charley grimaced. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—I'm just trying—” She huffed and ran a hand through her hair. “I'm not very good at this love advice thing, am I?”

Her cousin offered a faint smile. “No, I understand. What you said makes sense, I guess. But what am I supposed to do now? Pretend like it never happened? I don't want to be just a convenient placeholder until he can go back to his real girlfriend."

Charley tipped her head back. "Well, I imagine you and Throttle will have to figure that out for yourselves,” she replied. “Either way, I suggest having a conversation. Soon."

“Yeah.”

The two women sat for a few moments, lost in their own musings. Alley finally shifted, breaking the silence. “So, Throttle said you’d gone to the college to try and break into the computers.” She raised an eyebrow. “How’d that work for ya? Did you have to flee a zillion security guards?”

Charley wrinkled her nose. “Please. Do I look like an idiot? I sent in backup.” She reached into her shirt pocket, withdrew an object and held it out.

“What is that?”

On closer inspection, “that” turned out to be a small mess of metal components, smashed microchips and hair-thin copper wires.

"It used to be an electronic beetle," Charley explained. "But it sort've met with a little ... accident." She sounded perturbed.

“You mean it’s like a robot or something?”

“Mmmm. Something like that. It’s essentially a spy cam. It’s purpose is to plug into a computer and wirelessly download information to another hard drive. In this case, my laptop. That’s what I was trying to do last night. As you can see, it didn’t work out so well.”

“What happened?”

“The secretary spotted it. Thought it was an actual insect. She brought a book right down on it. Feedback damn near blew out my eardrum, lemme tell you.” Charley huffed a laugh. “And that was the end of that. It was a good test run, at any rate.”

“Where did you even pick up something like this? Spies R Us?”

“Oh, it’s just something I cobbled together in my spare time.” She gave a casual shrug as her cousin gaped at her.

“Cobbled toge—Charley.” Alley pinched the bridge of her nose. “You cobble together a backyard tree fort, or a quick fix for a broken table leg. You do not ‘cobble’ a technologically advanced … robotic … spy beetle!”

“Sure I do!” The redhead grinned. “It’s just a prototype, like I said. I built it using spare parts. I needed to test it, and this was a good chance. Now I know its limitations. I’ll take them into account when I build an upgraded version.”

“What sort of limitations?” Alley asked, curious.

“For one thing, its signal range is too small. It only extends about twenty meters or so. I had to sit in a tree last night to get close enough to the third floor to maneuver the bug through my laptop. The commands weren’t getting through very well, though. It couldn’t read the order to disappear when the secretary showed up, which is how it got smashed. Good thing she didn’t look too closely and realize she’d just killed a robot. Adding working wings next time might be useful. It does climb walls pretty well, though.”

Alley shook her head, impressed. “I dunno, Cuz. I think you totally missed your calling. Why are you fixing cars for a living, barely scraping by? You’re like a real-life James Bomb with all this spy crap! You should be making billions selling it to the government!”

Charley hummed. “You know, I used to design bikes and stuff for small companies and private investors. Even had Washington sniffing around, expressing interest in my engines and a few of my weaponry designs.”

Alley stared. “And?”

“Martians crash-landed my hometown.” Charley grinned wryly at the blonde's expression. “I tried for a few months to keep working on my prototypes, but…” She sighed and shrugged. “The problem with private investors and the government is they’re all incredibly nosy. And they tend to be super paranoid about their investments. They wanna know exactly what they’re getting, how it’s all put together, what sort of equipment I use, where I get my parts… I couldn’t have the CIA poking around the garage with the guys constantly in and out. Three giant, talking alien mice would be just a little hard to explain. Not to mention where I acquired some of the more advanced components in my gadgets.”

“Yikes. I see your point.”

“Yeah. So, I just content myself with using my creativity to help out my best friends against the Plutarkian invasion. Little things like my spy bug will be a great help in the future. Once I perfect it, if we need info on Limburger's schemes, rather than putting ourselves in the direct line of fire, I can just send in a few of these little beauties to gather all the intel we need, safe and sound.”

Alley scoffed. “I dunno, Charley. That's all well and good, but isn’t putting themselves in direct line of fire sort of what they do? Being the psycho adrenaline junkies that they are and all…”

Charley snorted. “They might be. As for me, I have no such issues about giving my heart a few less attacks per month, thanks very much. Constant kidnapping never did sit well with me.”

#bmfm fanfiction #BMFM #Main Cast #OCs #Humor #Stoker's definitely got groveling to do #and Charley's a friggin' genius

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unknowngirl199424-blog · 5 years

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Pt. 3

Now being the pretty innocent girl i was. I smoked weed very occasionally. Drank every now and then. But that was it really. I smoked cigs. Stupid choice i made at an even more stupid young age. I was 13 when i tried it. 15 when i started smoking every day. (My parents knew, they didn't care) my younger sister had been smoking for years. She partied a lot. Drank a lot. Smoked a lot. Took a lot of pills. Would steal my moms pain pills that she needed from the back surgeries. Mom would run out at the end of the month and would bawl... Literally wail in pain. And it never stopped my sister. I caught her several times. Id get pissed. Ask her wtf she was doing, or why... But she never stopped. I never told... I was drowning in depression. It started when i was 13. After my grandma passed. I changed... She was my world.

My parents partied ALOT!

Used LOTS of drugs...

Ranging from just weed, to coke, to meth...

The first half of my life... From birth till... 14? I think was when they quit all the hard shit for good. They were just... Mom and dad. I mean i loved them, i respected them, but... I didn't have anything to compare it to. It was normal for me to walk in and see light bulbs just randomly on the coffee table.

It was normal for me to wake my sis up in the morning, helping her get dressed, teeth brushed, food in her belly and out the door waiting on the bus. Every day. We lived in the country about 20 miles from town where our friends were. So all we had was each other. In the summer as soon as the sun started to show, 7:00ish. My parents would rush into our room. One would wake up me while the other would wake my sister. Rush us up and to get dressed and outside. We'd be outside alllllllllll day long in the summer in Oklahoma heat. They'd have friends over and lock the doors. We played. Sometimes the friends would bring their kids and we'd run around and play all day. I was a tom boy. I had scarred bloody knees almost daily from wrecking my bike. Would just walk around the property we lived on. Played with our dogs. Pissed off snakes that liked to live in the barn or chicken coop. I ran a lot. BUT IT WAS NORMAL TO ME. They started to quit when i was 12. Then grandma passed. They started again. Didn't stop for good until mom was hurt and dad was fired for pissing dirty for weed, coke, and meth. He was rehired 6 months later. But shit was rough at the time. So after losing my grandma. I went into myself. She loved me, took care of me. Gave me what i wanted and needed. I basically broke. I was never really an over joyous kid. I was raped and molested by my cousin. And so i always carried pain. But grandma was who made me happy. She passed. And from that point in my life from 13 to 18. I cut a lot. I was emotionless most days. But some days I'd break and cry for hours. For the longest time i thought i was depressed because of grandma. But i realized... Depression is a disease. And once you get a good dose of it, it stays. It twists and folds and wiggles its way into every fibre of your being and clings. And bad things that go on add to it and over time, you are eye level deep terrified you're gonna go under soon and no one will notice. Well over the years shit was added. Once I realised i could.... Not feel the pain and sadness... I latched on. Over time the occasional smoking weed went to every day several times a day. Drinking came up for awhile but i hated feeling like shit the next day so i quit. My ex gave me a pain pill one day.

I realised that not only could i get away from the pain and depression, i could feel fucking amazing while doing so. So it started out ya know. Once a week. Just one. To 2 a week to 4 a week to at least 1 every day. When we went up north. Pills were every where. Drugs in general. And i wanted to experience things. We had fun. Went lots of places. Did lots of things. Parties, festivals, fairs, amusement parks, museums, art museums, craft fairs, art stores, book stores, malls, movie theaters.. Just... it was great. I met her friends. They were like her. We partied a lot. I was soley living in the moment for once instead of striving to please everyone else. It was a stupid choice. But it was my choice. Over the years. The fun with it stopped... it became a nessecity. She got shitty and mean sober and i was just as miserable. I wanted happiness not that. Her dad would give us pain pills every day and muscle relaxers. If we did literally anything for him he'd pay us in pills. My ex was also prescribed pain pills too! We'd go through them so quick and then he'd give them to us so we didn't go through withdrawal. By year 3 (2015) I'm 21. I'm working a few months here a few months there. Living the same daily cycle. My day didn't start until pills were thrown down my throat. The habit got bad. I was to a point i was taking fucking handfulls of pills. Daily. And didn't feel ok until then. The few days i didn't have them, i literally slept all day and all night. I was burying my issues with a dark coping mechanism.

I started falling out of love. I left her once last year and we got back together the next day. I told her she couldn't keep stopping me from leaving because it was making me hate her. She wouldnt let go. We stayed together for 4 months. I broke up with her and moved back to oklahoma the beginning of this year. But she was my comfort. Pills were my comfort. After being here for 4 months i let her come back. It was bad. I got back into pills again and one day i told her i didn't want to be with her anyone. She was here for a month at that point. But she wasn't trying to work. She wouldn't do anything. But look for pills. I told her i was done. She gave me some pills. I didn't know what they were but she told me they were for anxiety. And i was really upset. So i took them. We kept arguing. She kept giving me more. My parents stopped by to drop something off, i guess i was wayyyyy out of it. They leave. The fight blows up. I tell her i want her gone. She kept refusing. Idk what happened. It was like a light switch went off. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a steak knife and sliced my wrist up for the first time ever... I only cut my stomach and thighs as a teen. She came around the corner and saw what i was doing and broke a glass vase i had. She ran over and grabbed the blade. Started yanking it from me. I guess we fought over it pretty hard cuz all i remember was it flying across the room and when i got back 6 days later it was soooo bent up.

She kept going and going and i grabbed a piece of glass and cut, she got it away and i just collapsed to the floor. She tried hugging me. I screamed at her for being toxic for me. To not touch me. To just call my mom. My mom shows up. Its like 11:30 at night at this point and she freaks out. My ex starts shit with her. They argue. I scream at them that they needed to stop and mom took me to the er. I guess by that point i was in and out of consciousness. One thing i do remember was seeing an old teacher that i had from yearrrrs ago when i went to a vocational school to become a certified nurse aid. I really looked up to her at 17. Admired her. She was a Dr there in the er. It was humialting. I cried. I guess i pissed in a cup for em or something. I don't remember. But they told my mom (which i didn't find out till almost a week later) that i was overdosing. That all of what i took hadn't caught up and that's why i was talking really crazy and blacking out. I don't remember. But the next morning i wake up. There was a cop sitting next to my bed. 20 mins later im being handcuffed and put in a cruiser and drove over a hr to a phych place. Guess the dr asked me the night before what would happen if i went home and i said i didn't know. So they legally put me there for 5 days so i couldn't be any harm to myself.

5 good things about being put there.

1. I had no access to pills, alcohol, even cigarettes. So i was very very clear headed. The first time in almost 6 years. Had time to think about where tf my life has landed me.

2. I realized how fucking truly bad our relationship was. And came to the conclusion that if we stayed together. One, if not both of us was gonna end up in a casket. Whether it be from pills or not. It was gonna happen.

3. I realized that i deserved wayyyy better. Relationship wise. Life wise. I deserved someone who could push me in the healthy direction. Make positive choices. I felt like instead of maturing, i was still trapped in an 18 yr olds mentality.

4. I ended it. And that time i meant it. There's nothing she could offer me. That would make me go back. Not a million dollars, not a billion, not even all the stars in the sky. I have nothing for her.

5. I met someone who treats me amazing now. Who pushes me. Keeps me away from the shit. I've been pain pill free for 5 months and its staying that way.

And for once... I'm starting to actually feel happy. Genuinely. I was prescribed anti depressants, anti anxiety, and a sleep disorder med. I stopped taking the anti depressants because they made it worse. But im to the point where the good days finally out weigh the bad. And when the bad come, i roll with it.

For the new year. I have a few goals.

1. Continue all the hard work ive put into myself. Keep eating healthy. Keep exercising. Keep pushing myself forward. No more settling for less what what i truly want.

2. Stay tf away from pain pills. 👍 keep fighting that demon in me who whispers how good I would feel or how one wouldn't hurt...

3. Quit smoking cigs. They're killing me. My lungs hurt all the time.

4. Continue bettering my life. I got away from her for 4 months and i had my own home, vehicle, and a high paying easy job. Brought her back for a month, had a suicidal moment. But she's gone and im in a great relationship. And I'm fucking HAPPY!

5. Quit being so fucking hard on myself. I hate the way i look, i hate my body. But they can be changed. Stress over things that need it but relax more. I'm 24. I still have time.

I STILL HAVE FUCKIN TIME

#mine #personal #journal #diary #dear diary #my diary #my words #my escape #my post #getting better #one step at a time

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fanficsandothershit-blog · 7 years

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Ice Cold: a chandler riggs fic

A/N: ok so i had a request saying make a smut with ice so here it is lol. wow ok this makes me feel so weird lmao, Chandler has powers like the flash so keep that in mind too children.

WARNIGS: extreme smut, cursing

“HOLY SHIT!” you yell from the hall across from you and Chandlers shared bedroom “Babe, the thermostat is broken!” In a flash he’s behind you and you feel his hands rest on your hips, “Looks like you're gonna have to leave.” both of you already sweating, you feel his clammy hands run up your shirt an land just under your breast grabbing your ribs. He spins you around in one swift motion crashing his lips against yours. He speeds you over back to your queen sized mattress and lays in between your legs not breaking the kiss.You push his chest insisting you switch positions . He switched you over quickly and parted his lips begging for his tongue to enter, you parted your lips and he instantly dominated the kiss. He slips his grey cotton shirt over his head breaking the kiss, he sighs relieved by the cool quickly pulling off yours. You breathe out in pleasure as the cool of the fan hits your skin. Chandler sits up so you straddle his lap completely as he goes in to leave his marks down your neck then going back to your lips, grabbing your ass. He groans as you get remarkably close to his penis, you smirk into his lips and he pulls away feeling your smirk. “What are you smirking about? Dont think I cant feel whats going on in your pants? Theyre pretty thin babe.” he states smiling, “Oh shut up.” you say hitting his chest, “Damn youre cute.” he says pulling you back into the kiss. you grind on his lap until he flips you back over taking off his pants. “Its far too hot in here for those.” he says smirking, “Couldnt agree more.” you smiled, taking off your apparently ‘thin’ pajama pants. He hovers over you staring into your (y/e/c) orbs “Damn.” he says under his breath as he leans back. He looks down at your core and vibrates his finger while entering you, you let out a breathy moan at the feeling. He smirks as he puts his tip at your entrance, “Too hot.” he says a little flustered, you laugh and look up to realize he meant the heat from both you and the broken thermostat combine was just too much. he sighs and enters two fingers in you instead. He pulls them out quickly and you moan at the loss, “Oh shit I have an idea.” he says before speeding out of the room. You sigh thinking he didnt want to do it anymore, “Youre gonna have to do something! You cant get me this aroused and not finish the job.” you yell hoping hes still in the house. as you pull your hands from above your head and down to your clit his hand grbs you, “Dont you fucking dare.” he says. You smirked, “Took you long enough. Geez someone with speed seems like youd be a little faster.” you teased. “I got ice.” he said smiling. “For what?” He didnt answer your question but he quickly slipped a cube into your mouth, as you go to crush down he stops you, “No.” he says holding a hand by your mouth for you to release the cube into his hand. He brought it down your neck going over the places where his marks had already started to show then down you your breasts carefully going over your nipples until they hardened making sure you were cool. he quickly brought the cube down and rubs circles on your clit with the cube, you jump in surprise. “Chandler Fucking Riggs. Holy damn h-h-oly shit fuck. me.” you yelled. He laughed and used his speed to rub faster and harder going into your entrance and back out. Using his speed you were quickly back on his lap, he held the ice cube to your lips. “Bite it.” he insisted forcefully, you took it into your mouth and swirled it around your tongue. “Bite. It” he insisted again, “But babe. My teeth are sensitive..” you whined. “So is your clit but look who liked that.” he smiled as you quickly bit down on the ice.he pulled you up by your hips and slid you onto him, “Holy fuck,” he stated as he felt your cool walls, “You are ice cold. Holy shit and tight.” he moaned out as i started to lift up to grind back down again. “Oh Shit, youre so warm.” you moaned kissing his neck. quickly you her off the bed and he was holding you. He placed ice cubes all over the mattress laying you back down on it. “Fuck me.” you beg before he puts his warm length back into your cold place. “Oh woah woah woah.” he says pulling away. “Does little (Y/N) have no manners?” he says as you whine, “FUuk me please?” you say poutingly. He re enters you speeding up so his dick started to vibrate making you yell in pleasure, “OH GOD, I-I-I am soooo glad you ar-r-re a meta hu-uman.” you yell as he shakes the bed from going so fast.He sends you into a trance as he slows and whispers sweet things into your ear. His length pumping into you slower than ever send you over the edge, as you cum around him he moans, “Warmer than ever.” and you smile into his hair. Realizing he still hasnt cummed you flip him over, “Dont worry.” you say as you reach your hand into his ice bucket and reach to the bottom and let your hand soak in the cold water. When you look back over at him his eyes are closed. you straddle his thigh leaving space for your cold hand to do some work, “Are you ready babe?” you asking leaning into his ear, “OH fuck yes please.” he yells jerking his hips around miserable from the lack of attention. You put your cold hand around the base of is length and run it up to thr tip and tease your thumb around it, he starts moaning as you pump your cold hand up and down his large and wide length. “Oh thank god, its soo ho-o-ot.” he said in between breathy moans until he finished. “Well shit now im horny again.” you said mocking that despite having speed powers he really isnt quick to cum. “No worrys.” he says popping an ice cube into his mouth and setting your legs on his shoulders. He pumps in two vibrating fingers and you moan in surprise. Then he vibrates his face and tongue and licks down your flaps causing you to become a moaning mess. Your clit starts to crave attention from his tongue, your hips start bucking and he gets the idea as he swallows his crushed up cube. he licks around your clit causing you to come undone under his speedy vibrating tongue. “Holy fuck. I hope our thermostat never gets fixed.” you say in a shaky breath. “Oh god dont say that, Im still fucking dying.” you laugh as you get up and grab his hand, “Cold bath?” you ask smirking up at him. “I hope our thermostat never gets fixed.” He replys picking you up and speeding to the bathroom.

#chandler riggs smut #chandler riggs #twd smut #the flash smut #carl grimes #chandler riggs fic #fanfics #smut #ice #chandler riggs fics #carl grimes smut #carl grimes fic

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nightmaretyrantvantas · 7 years

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Cold eyes warm hearts- a allie and sasha oneshot of my fav oc pairing

Ok soooo this one is gonna be different from the other oneshots ive written. Instead of centering around ada(like they usually do) this will center around my ocs Allie Jones and Sasha Arlovskaya This is a oneshot that randomly came to my head Enjoy the Allie x Sasha~ WARNING THIS IS GONNA GET ANGSTY AND THERES GONNA BE YANDERE SASHA APPEARING IN THIS(TW: PHYSICAL ABUSE AND VIOLENCE AND SASHA COMMITING MURDER) (This is in 3rd p.o.v) “ i dont trust him” The american girl sighed rather heavily, picking up her milkshake and stirring it. “ cmon Sash give the guy a chance! Hes really nice and sweet and hes been really good to me the couple dates weve gone out on…"Allie tried to reason with her best male friend with little success, as the bellarussian simply narrowed his cold pink tinted slate colored eyes more and didnt touch the diner special plated in front of him. There was a world meeting this week in Allie’s father’s country so instead of hanging around the conferrence building Allie Jones dragged her cold, intimidating friend out to a local nearby diner. She shouldve known izzalia would mention her new boyfriend to Sasha… Sasha let out a grunt “i do not care. I do not trust him. I do not trust the gleam little sunflower described in his eyes. He does not sound good.” He argued firmly, crossing his heavy trench coat covered arms. Allie sighed again and took a sip of her vanilla and strawberry milkshake to come up with another counterargument. As she did she took in her friend’s appearance…his pale hair that was such a pale blonde it looked silver in the sunlight, his snowy skin, his frozen slate colored orbs for eyes, his slightly crooked teeth bared lightly in a snarl at her boyfriend-just the thought of him really, his strong broad shoulders and lanky appearing figure under that insufferable looking soot black trenchcoat and long sleeved dark blue shirt…… Allie shook away the thoughts and tried again. “Sash you havent even MET the guy yet! Just give him a chance and relax, i can handle myself just fine.” He responded with a grunt and took a bite of the large order of fries he had, one of the only things he really showed interest in eating. Allie gave a grunt of her own and chucked a fry at his face. “Dude seriously youre killing the happy mood of the whole damn diner.” At that his lips twitched up in the start of a smile and he rolled his eyes, easily swatting away the fry. “So sorry i am not a cheerful loudmouth like you Camellia.” Allie rolled her blood red eyes and ate her food, steering the subject away from her love life. And away from Sasha noticing the bruise on her arm. It wasnt that she was scared OF Sasha, no that wasnt it at all. Sasha was cold and could be intimidating sure, but to her she saw a cranky, smartmouthed, and overprotective boy that noticed things no one else but her own sister noticed. For good and for bad. She wasnt scared of him….more of his reaction to the finger shaped bruises on her arm, still freshly dark from yesterday. ‘he…he didnt mean it…he was stressed and was nice enough to make plans for us that i cancelled and forgot to tell him about…he had every right to grab me so hard and to yell like he did….’ Sasha sighed and nudged his food around. He knew she was hiding something, but Allie was….a complicated being to question. If you approached her bluntly about hiding something she’ll deny it and get defensive and skittish. But he couldnt ignore it either… Whether he liked it or not the loud, normally cheerful and foul-mouthed american girl had managed to situate herself into his life, his inner circle of trust, and biggest of all his heart. As he ate another fry he kept an eye on her, watching her movements and behavior for any hint of what was wrong with her. ‘she has been….skittish all day…hmmm….’ He was silent as she rambled about her dance lessons, seeing her sister and uncle mattheiu, about everything that happened between the times they saw each other in person that he didnt already know about. He lost all focus on her words though when she slipped off her leather jacket absently and waved her right arm in some kind of gesture. All his focus narrowed on the large, dark finger like bruises right below the tan girl’s elbow. “What.Are.Those.Allie.” Allie’s whole body tensed up and froze, her eyes widening. “….its nothing Sasha. Forget about them.” The bellarussian capital narrowed his eyes into a frigid glare and he grabbed her elbow firmly but gently, looking over the bruises with a low snarl. “Did He Do this? Does your father know about these bruises? What else has he done to you Camellia?!” Allie winced at his slowly rising tone and tugged at her arm to get it away from him. “C-christ Sasha calm down! No…dad doesnt know about it…he hasnt done anything to me…but…….yes….these are from him….” Her voice grew quieter and quieter as she spoke, shrinking back so subtly that Sasha let go and forced himself to calm down, eyes softening. “Camellia….” She smiled softly at him and rested her hand on his, her eyes lightening up in the way that made him relax. The light in her eyes was forgiving and happy. “Hey….its fine Sash. Youre protective of your friends…i know this…i shouldnt have hidden it from you….dont worry you didnt do anything wrong Sash. Im fine i promise they dont even hurt.” The two shared a moment of calmed silence before sasha set his other hand over allie’s gripping gently as they locked eyes… “Camellia…” “Sasha i…” She glanced away towards the door and sasha saw all the light die in her eyes as her face paled slightly. She yanked her hand away and forced a cheerful smile as footsteps approached them. “Allie! Baby i wasnt expecting to see you here…..with, a guy.” Sasha turned and glared at the tall male who stopped at their table, standing uncomfortably close to allie. Sasha saw the nervous twitch to the american’s fingers as she looked up at him. “O-oh hey Troy…t-this is my best friend Sasha. Hes in town from out of country and we’re just….catching up. Its..um…why i couldnt hang out today….” Her voice quieted seeing the human frown. Sasha gripped the table hard and blatantly glared at the human. “I am Sasha. You…must be the “boy friend” i have heard about.” His tone was as sharp and disgusted with the human as his glare. “ yeah im her boyfriend. Cmon allie you can hang out with…him…some other time lets go do something.” Before she could protest or refuse he grabbed her upper arm roughly and yanked her out of her seat. Sasha was seeing red when he saw her flinch a bit and allow him to push her around without fighting back. She grabbed her jacket and whispered a goodbye to the capital as she was dragged away. Sasha seethed and almost cracked the table when he punched it ‘that….bastard…is…dead…’ A few days passed and sasha was still seething, and allie didnt know what to do. They had been fighting and arguing viciously since what theyve both decided to call the ‘Diner Incident’. Almost every conversation between them turned into arguements and the guilt from it was eating Allie alive. She couldnt stand it, the tension between them. By the second to last day of the world meeting Allie was so distraught she had almost relasped, if her sister hadnt been there….. Allie shook her head a bit, not daring to even think about it. She was still clean, upset and miserable sure, but clean. She sighed a bit as she walked with troy down the street, blocking out her thoughts and the whole world really. That was a mistake. SMACK! She yelped in surprise and pain at the sudden harsh stinging in her cheek and looked at the human startled. “W-what the FUCK was that for?!” He glared at her almost disgusted and before she could react he managed to hit her across the face again, making her stumble into a wall. “ next time dont ignore me when im talking.” He sneered. Allie flinched back when he lifted his hand towards her, shrinking back. Then the next thing she knew Troy went flying down the sidewalk with a pissed off bellarussian and her whole world froze and tilted under her feet for a moment. She flinched at the crack sound his head made when it collided with the pavement, Sasha’s punch having sent him clear off his feet. But Sasha didnt stop there. He had lost it completely. And he was out for blood. Sasha didnt stop as he pinned the human down and started punching him over and over again, snarling and swearing loudly at him in russian as he did. The human boy had no chance to fight back or defend himself, sasha was ruthless and merciless. His vision was as red as his fists as he kept punching. “Sasha stop!” He snarled as Allie latched onto him and tried to yank him back, struggling against her to finish the human off. “Let.GO!” allie kept clinging to him and yanking him back. Sasha snarled at her persistance until he felt something wet start staining his shoulders. His whole body stopped moving. Allie was crying. His camellia was crying…. “P-p-please s-sasha…s-stop…p-please…” He blinked and the red cleared and he let his american pull him away a bit from the beaten and bloodied human, hugging her tightly as soon as he got the chance. “ im sorry camellia im so sorry do not cry camellia shh shhh im sorry it is ok now…” She hiccuped and nodded, looking up at him. Without thinking about it he leaned down and kissed her. It was awkward, wet and salty from her tears, gentle, innocent, a bit restrained, but allie enjoyed it anyway. She wiped her eyes when he pulled away and smiled “L-lets go back to the world conferrence building o-ok?” Sasha nodded but didnt move right away “You go ahead and start walking. I will call an ambulence. I insist.” She hesitated until he kissed her forehead and brushed a tear away, a rare soft smile on his face that made her cheeks flush red. “Please, my camellia, i insist. I will catch up with you shortly. Trust me love.” Allie nodded and kissed his cheek before she started walking away. When sasha knew she wasnt going to look back he grabbed the human and dragged him into a nearby alley, slamming him against a wall. He gave a small crazy smile as he stared at him. “ you will NEVER hurt, look at or touch MY camellia ever again. Understand?” He watched the human nod and smiled wider. Next thing he knew the human had a knife in his gut. “W-w-wha….” Sasha simply smiled even wider and stabbed him again, this time in the heart. “ no one hurts my precious camellia Allie and lives.” “So does this mean we are together now?” Sasha asked tentively to allie, hours later in the conferrence building waiting room. Both had been cleaned up and coddled and now they were relaxing on a comfortable couch. “Hmm…yes, yes it does Sash.” She murmured happily. Sasha smiled softly and kissed the top of her head, all traces of blood and what he had done wiped away. “Im glad my precious camellia….and…” “Hmm?” “You’ll be mine forever, da?” End. OK HOLY SHIT ITS FINALLY DONE HOLY SHIT THAT WAS LONG but im so proud of this right now @phantommoonpeople @canadas-googlesearchhistory @2pcanadas-googlehistory Alright guys here it is angsty yandere sasha! Hope you enjoy it!

#hetalia #ocs #hetalia ocs #yandere #some angst #yandere sasha #tol bean of death

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soup-of-words · 5 years

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28th april

It wasn’t a great event. It was actually trashy and people are scattered just everywhere. You and I decided to get a drink, (of course a bottle of beer) and so we bought. It was kind of a hassle, the cap wasn’t opened yet. Too tired to get it popped in the store so we decided to pop the cap on our own. at some broken steel pipe we did, and that’s how I got the bottle cap in my treasure chest (box full of weird stuff that I keep). Oh and the bottle broke too. We looked for straw until we got one and sat in front of the Capitol. ‘Twas a neat night, not the event. We talked about stuff, the silly and annoying ones about our exes. And laughed about some hilarious stuff, I can’t remember the things we talked about but yeah I’d treasure them.

After then, there were fireworks. It was shitty too. It’s too short for a show in the sky. It only lasted for a couple of seconds. But it was great. Fireworks. :)

For a short time we watched them play, listen to cringey growling and screams. soon enough, we got bored. decided to sit and just talked again. God knows what we talked about until it’s coming too late. tss How did we even get to that time when we were taunting one another, about going in San Pablo? was it about the bike? yeah, for sure because we were talking about bicycles.

you don’t know how hard-headed I am, and how a “brave-wanna-be” I am. from a sigh, I said, “ ... tara kukuhang pera” and there it started.

the rush, flushes, sweat and worry coming through at the same time. But I was liking it. It was too surreal, I was not believing it will happen but it did.

From my house, where I got my favorite hoodie and some cash... we headed to ride to get to buses. we were waiting and was taking too long. you made me took off my watch because you didn’t want to look at the time. It was genius, I was enjoying more. It was kind of a long wait and we were impatient. We needed to escape soon. SOON. In the terminal, I was still not believing it , so i’m calming myself down. I didn’t want to over-exaggerate and I don’t want to scare you away, I was too weird. Hopping on to the bus, looking for an empty seat, we got to seat to the back. God, it was so exciting!

i check my phone every once in a while, took out my earphones and we shared music. you told me I seem like that i’m that someone who likes guitar riffs, but I thought I wasn’t i hated the sound of guitar but I think I don’t? mehh I’m so confused.

i keep the tickets, treasures.

after an hour, we were there.

San Pablo! It was in fucking San Pablo! 66 kilometers away! We got off the bus, immediately took a trike to go to the lake (you look confused instructing the driver lol) and there we got to see the park we were both just talking about just a couple of hours earlier!

You don’t how thankful I am bringing me there. Really. Thank you from my softest heart and soul.

You know, we just met. But it was comfortable being with you. We were there, in the park. our hands on the cold railings,

The stars were heck beautiful. Too beautiful, it was sublime! we watched the sky as if it was the lake we came to see. But it was more that just the lake, it was a different world... That I was needing. you brought it to me. Thank you again. I remember saying “thank you” to you. Because I am. grateful. :)

we decided to walk along the lake, to see stuff. But we stopped in this some kind of a playground/exercise area? And there we talked. ooh before that, we saw the big dipper. back to the area. God knows how long we have been talking, it was so niceeeee. we talked about fliptop and shit. You were kind of surprised to have heard some girl to watch fliptop videos, and I mean... I know, I’m interested in those too. We headed along, walking. encountered some dogs. We got scared, but just walked anyway. CUZ WE WERE NINJAS RIGHT!? but it was too dark, we can’t risk. so we headed back. ‘Til we noticed someone in the dark... some guy. we were both hesitant, we were acting like nothing’s wrong. So to break the ice, and as a segway I told you let’s pretend like we’re beating one another in a walkathon, so there we increased pace. we ran and just started laughing, i was joking someone’s getting a pimple if they can’t catch up. AND WE WERE LAUGHING... IT WAS WAY FUN. LIKE WAAAAY FUUN! I was kind of liking you. We were just laughing... tsk. I never had that kind of fun before, with the adrenaline and fright.

Coming back, we took last pictures, ‘cause were going home. of course, we walked.

Commercial, I wanted to take shit. We saw Mcdonalds, so we went there. tried the hospital for a stop at a comfort room cuz i needed to take a shit but let’s roll to Mcdonalds.

We got to mcdonalds, you ordered the meal, chicken... while i’m taking a shit. We had a happy meal, and you maybe you don’t know but I really always collect happy meal toys but I gave it away . To your sis, this time it’s going to be for her. we ate, and laugh and talked again. and took picutres. I dared you to take a tray home and you accepted loooool. we got the tray. and then we walked outside. ran across the church, you took a photo of me and it was embarassing cuz people are looking. we headed. took some more pictures while walking... And there we were miserably waiting for a bus. Until one came along. We hopped in and got a seat. we talked how it is like Papertowns and you were Margo and I was Quentin. i knew it. You’re gonna hurt me. this time, I was getting kind of tired. not for long, I was really avoiding to act sweet or romantic because I’m scared . But this neck was fucking hurting so I asked if It’s okay to lean my head , you didn’t mind so I did. Legit, my neck was killing me. I had seek comfort, had a nap on your shoulder, ‘til i noticed you were leaning to my head too.

I wanted to say we were sweet, but I should not. we were sweet; you were sweet. There’s something in me that holds everything back. if it weren’t for it, I’d confess I like you.

1. Rafols likes you

2. You’re up to someone

3. I think I’m not fully healed yet

4. I like you

5. YOU MIGHT LIKE ME BUT YOU DON’T LIKE ME ENOUGH

you see , there’s a bunch of stuff I like about you. But you know ,I’m worried. Because I still yet to know the stuff that I don’t. I don’t want to waste our friendship. It was great and cute. But to think about being romantic with you, considering there’s nothing wrong and it’s possible and it might be real... I’m scared I’d lose another soulmate. Not you please, Simon was great but you were different. Not that I am confessing my feelings, but this is beyond that.

I’m scared, but I wanted to try to accept someone again. But this time, but if it’s not you it’s okay. i just hope he’d be that someone that’d stay until we’re real couples. (i know im still young but there’s nothing wrong with it you know) But if it weren’t , then thank you for having me in your life, our friendship was awesome! but you know, deep somewhere inside me is kind of hoping?2 i don’t know, i know i’m infatuated. You know that night, I didn’t want to end. You were the chaos I was looking for. it’s gonna be trouble but I feel like it is possible trying out being better with you. but if God’s plan is different, then it’s okay with me. No regrets, right? we can’t be possible too, if you come to think of it. you’re there I’m here, different schools, different worlds. It’s scary risking it. I know you’re a good person, both you and allen. I just don’t like losing people. so Rafols, she’s soooo sooo so so so so so important to me, much more important than you actually. sorry. But you know, it gets fucked up sometimes. also, you like my cousin, plus you’re up to a different girl. I don’t want to barge in, I respect you and the girl. Who am I?

maybe what i’m feeling right now is pure infatuation, and I don’t want to ruin friendships. and I am also not that kind of person that is desperate in getting into a relationship, I already accepted I’d tire lonely and alone but still hope that I don’t. I mean , “expect the worst, right?”. And I am that someone who wouldn’t always grab the opportunity, I’m shy and scared... so If it’d come, it will.

we finally got home, at the terminal at least. there’s no ride home still, so we waited an hour. we talked how we rocked that night. how we were real ninjas and everything was amazing. we got to go home, you walked me home.

I never really wanted to give the brain pendant away, but I did. it was my way of saying thank you. Thank you, for real. everything was almost magical. That was the best day of my life so far, I have conquered way too many things . So I got home, i gave you the pendant. and the last thing that came into my mind before saying goodbye was to hug. I don’t actually know why. But i feel like I needed to hug you. it was funny. I asked for it lol, “hug?” then we did lolll . i gave off a legitimate smile , like I was actually happy. after the hug, we waved goodbye.

‘Twas the best day ever. so far.

Thank you, ninja.

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broadwaybitchhhh · 7 years

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2016 year in review post:

january: spend a short time with alex before i fly to england and cry a lot and miss him the whole time. london was dope though. we got tea and i went on cool walks and went to dover and canterbury which was cool cause i later spend 4 months reading the canterbury tales. i kinda hated my whole program though so i was mean and grouchy to everyone. oops. sorry guys.

february: went to brighton which was really cold but kinda cool day trip. bennett visited, alex had flowers delivered to my flat in london which was really cute of him cause p sure i didnt get him anything (see: i suck), ummm more just exploring london, went to paris with craig and jack and lesley and andrea and that was a lot of fun. ate duck confit which was the best thing ive ever eaten in my life. also available in sandwich form in borough market in london, but much better cooked fresh in paris. ugh. no one does food better than the french. they’re so good at it. love france.

march: edinburgh!! scotland was dope. would def go back, only really spent a day there. and then alex came!!!!! that was super fun. ugh i love him. that was so fun. and then we went to amsterdam which was amazing. would totally go back. and then alex left and i was sad. but then caroline came!!!! and we had so much fun omg. great time. march was definitely the best month of the year. or june. but well get there.

april: went to barcelona with craig and his friends which was wild. loved barcelona. i actually drank for once and we explored so much and ate great food and had a great time. great trip. would love to go back to spain. everyone else in our program left, i went to the harry potter studios which was super cool, got way too high for 4/20 (surprise), went to a party at the kate spade opening store in london, hung out with natalie lots.

may: my parents came!! which was both fun and annoying. we went to fancy tea and harrods and the winston churchill war rooms and i tried to show them around but my mom was not a fan of public transit. then we went to greece. which they were expecting to be super warm but as i learned quickly in my semester europe is really cold always. but greece was great. santorini is beautiful and mykonos was beautiful but i never made it to athens so i guess i’ll just have to go back :/ also mom forgot her passport expired so that was wild. then they left and i had one day to get ready for natalie’s and my next trip to salzburg, vienna, and prague. salzburg was beautiful, but very quaint and nothing to do for more than a day other than sound of music shit. cute though. nice mountains. vienna was dumb. prague was pretty cool but then i accidentally ate this thing covered in walnuts which im deathly allergic to so i was dying in a bathroom for awhile before natalie convinced me to use my epipen and then we struggled to get the restaurant lady to understand the word ambulance but eventually they came and i got to go for my first ambulance ride!!! to the prague hospital!!! which was weirdly empty and kinda like a horror movie.... but yeah that was really bad but i got some funny snapchats from it. at this point i am exhausted of traveling and really just want to go home but i cant. at some point i forget when i buy an earlier flight home so i can surprise alex. then me and natalie go to italy which was wild. the trip to positano (while a beautiful town) took like 12 hours and we were miserable the first day but then it got much better. beautiful place. beaches were rocks though. transit is not good in italy. then we went to pompeii which was fuckin weird and we went to rome which was cool, i was mostly just chillen since ive already done the touristy shit there. natalie made a nice italian boyfriend. food was good. then we went back to london and i sneakily packed my things....

june: surprise alex by coming home a week early which was fun. very happy to be back in america. got dunkin, a pedicure, hung out on the beach with my mom and caroline, snuggled mr sam who was a little mad at me for leaving for so long, totally surprised alex. june was a good month. my mom threw me a surprise party which was fun (too bad i found about it lol sorry mom). good good month.

july: birthday! good weekend. then alexs birthday! we went to ocean city md which was fun. i visited turk in nashville which was fun. hung out on the beach a lot. having a beach house is nice.

august: mostly just chill at the beach the whole time. alex and i went to new york which was fun. more beach. cried a whole lot when i had to leave. summer was so much fun. living in new jersey is fun cause im so much closer to caroline now. love her. got my iud!!!! great decision. oh man thats one of the best decisions i have ever made with my life. great choice.

september: start tutoring at the writing center which has been a good, interesting experience. lots of snuggles. went to great falls which was fun but not much of a hike. started exercising again.

october: great brunch with carl phil andy and alex. wedding. i forced alex to date me a year ago.

november: election is super fucking depressing. thanksgiving. but then alex gets chance the pupper!!! which was a great decision. he’s so cute and such a good boy and i love him soooo much. we snuggled all morning today. and new years day. he’s pretty snuggly. not as snuggly as mr sam. but he’s a good boy.

december: somehow manage to get straight A’s for the first time in my life, go to new york with linda and mom which is fun, hang with carl, we got some great sushi the other night i got 4 rolls for $12 which was exciting. now she’s leaving for italy tomorrow (today) and another year is upon us. nye was boring i got too high and just wanted to sleep. sry guys. maybe next year. christmas was good though.

favorites of 2016:

-london, paris, amsterdam, spain, greece.... europe.

-duck confit

-spotify

-alex

-caroline

- new roomies are cool

-sam

-my fam

-chance the pupper

-my grades

-i feel blessed

people who i will not be talking to in 2017:

-people who add negativity to my life

-people who say you’re friends and then never talk to you again (cough bitch ass roommates)

#personal #year in review #margaux #life #me #alex #caroline

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notsohesitantly-blog · 6 years

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L O L OK I’m hormonal and pissy and also under more stress than I’ve ever experienced so I’m gonna rant

It’d be one thing if you were like “hey I’m kinda iffy about [redacted] because he seems really shady and I’m worried about your well being” because that’s valid and I’ve complained about him so much I really can’t dispute that BUT wow you can’t even lie and pretend it’s for my sake even tho! The lie is soooo easy!! Even I would believe you! I’m so annoyed and chagrined that you secretly want me to get back together w my ex even though I fucking HATE him, even though the relationship was horrible, just because it’d be more comfortable for YOU. I hate close minded ppl!! Ppl who would rather me settle and be safe and miserable than consider a new possibility

UGGGH IM SO MAD I’m mad because you didn’t listen to me at all, mad because you don’t care

Also it’s a forceful reminder of who my ex is and why I fucking hate him lol Gillian Flynn described men like him perfectly in gone girl when she said “men who find guilt erotic,” the sad pushy pathetic needy DISGUSTING men who manipulate with pity, no thanks, never again please

I would die — KILL myself — if someone felt about me the way I felt/feel about my ex. I’ve been completely heartbroken and wrecked and it took a year long shitty complacent ass relationship to make me realize I would prefer that over settling.

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somedaypast-thesunset · 6 years

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I tell him in plain language I haven't eaten and have no money for food. He offers to loan me money and that I can come over. But it's -2 and all my cold weather wear is garbage from the 5 min I spent just going to the store. He says he has to charge his phone. I'm like OK but u can also do it on your laptop. "yeah but then I'd have to find my wallet". I gave a huge exaggerated laugh because who the fuck responds to someone asking to eat like 5hat? He thinks my reply is weird. I tell him I assume he's joking so I'm laughing otherwise I'm just depressed. He replies, "do you need money now?"

SO GCDFHJFFDXDJKCFYBVXSSJKCF

DO I NEED TO EAT TODAY? DO I? GYESS NOT BECAYSE I WOYLDNT WANT TO BORHER YOU TO FIND YOUR FUCKING WALLET.

the only mature non combative response I had was no response because I'm not even dignifying such a stupid fucking question with a response. Fuck you man. Just fuck you. I'd get more respect sucking dick for 40$. Quicker too.

And I'm trying soooooooo hard and it's just nothing. I'm doing nothing but expending the absolute most amount of effort I currently have before becoming sooo exhausted and frustrated that I'm becoming impulsively violent - much like traits I had very young that I worked to control. Like my day consists of waking up and being brought home. I smoke weed, find a podcast or video or movie to listen to but barely pay attention and try to bring myself to do anything. Like changing my clothes from yesterday. Going out to get food (which if I do is my entire morning and I'm done after). Lately I want soooo badly to get back into my shit. I used to be productive. Like I lost alllllllllllllllllllllllll drive for anything. I cannot fathom going to a job. My whole disposition says I want to die every moment I'm awake. I watched this doc about this crazy lady who starved to death in an abandoned house on an occupied street like ppl walked by the house she had neighbors but she like actively chose to just starve and die. And everyone's so confused like oh the neighbors were there she could've gotten food but no. I get this lady. I am this lady right now. I am in an abandoned house that is my body and my neighbors can see I'm here but they don't care if anyone is home. They wouldn't feed me.

In some ways I was like oh no. This lady is me. But she was delusional. Like she made ppl up. I haven't ever. But I am becoming like my mother more and more but I guess I empathize more. This lady was so depressed like she really wanted to die all the time and she was miserable and couldn't keep friends and I get it now. I got it before but now I really get it because there's no choice anymore. At some point you like... You're standing on the edge of the abyss and then u let go and from that point on its just free falling out of control. You can't stop it once it's hit full momentum. And I'm screaming cuz I did the drugs. And I can do them again so I can placebo effectvmyself for 2 weeks and crash again. I am existing solely for the purpose of a few other ppl right now. Like I can't die right here because my roommate has to find it and he's the last person I want to find dead me. Like if a stranger could spot a body that is me, that'd be good. Or like a dog finds me first. I want to go in a forest. I want my body to refuel the earth and I want animals to tear me apart like when the Indians let vultures eat their dead. I'm dead you know. People have too much control. I'm used to no control and I embrace the lack of control one has in death despite society trying sooo hard. And I'm still there you know cuz I want to control when I die. I wan5 to choose and death is not about choice. And it's hard to die. Killing yourself takes like extreme effort. I cannot selfishly take my cats with me tho I want to. I want to die with my cat in my arms, the only thing that ever really loved me besides my dad. I just want to go far far out where it's no coming back. Like even if I last minute didn't want to I want to be so far out in the woods I can5 make it back in such condition so I just die because wanting to live is the moment of weakness. This is not a moment. I am not in a decade long moment. I am suffering and I hurt and the "system" is a fools game. Like it took 100 yrs to accept certain medications and procedures as fucked up because it takes society 100 yrs to figure anything out and like I guess my hope is that because we're evolving technology so fast maybe in 5 years they will know how to fix depression. They will look in my brain and s3e the suffering and fix it. And I'll flick a switch and my memories will be neutral in feeling, not ptsd.

It's not even ptsd anymore. No, it's not JUST ptsd anymore. It's the starting long term effects of poverty. It's like.. My own mental issues maturing with me as I'm getting older and it's not easier at all?

Like I tried to do my shop and realized its so half assed and like I can't be this age and present this level of effort. I can do better I just chose not to but I spend effort doing it half assed still. I took apart 80% of my jewelry and have yet to go back to it because why. And that's sad. Like I have to be careful now to maintain what I do have or I may not care enough to do it again. I have alllllllllllllllllllllllll the time in the world to do something. Anything. Any. Thing. And I've listened to 350 episodes of last podcast, know deeply a 38 yr old man I never met who plays video games online, watched anything deemed good on Netflix, am totally up to date on s3veral news websites and podcasts and I smoke like 400$ worth of weed a month.

I don't even want to know me.

But like.. I don't pretend I just don't talk. I talk to others, share commentary occasionally but I just don't talk about anything. I especially don't talk about how depressed I am because it just bothers ppl and creates both positive and negative opinions none of which are helpful to the illness.

So im very very secluded. And I used to use isolated but that's negative. That's saying I'm forced into it. I'm forcing it. I'm not. I actively choose it now so I am secluded and extremely private.

I'm still trying though? Like I don't even know why. Today I signed up for usertesting sites because I already do contract tests for consumer reviews so maybe I'll make some money but at the same time I feel like its another dead end. Just go work at McDonald's.

Art wise, there is so much I could do to revamp my shop. All new, well made jewelry. I need all new photos including ones of my art with close ups and stuff. I want to "graduate" my art skills a bit. Like really make nice well cut paper with borders for matting and start to sign my work and like all of this means higher quality so a higher price. I can do fucking better. And honestly I'm not doing anything else right now. My mind is completely disabled and to consider working is laughable now. I know I'm not going to so I can stop being anxious about it. Fuck em. I've been doing a depression project for charity cuz that's what I did earlier this year too but this one is more personal. I have 3/5 of what I wanted for my goal but at the same time what I made is so.. Average. It's not great at all. It's just iok and does the job and I tried my best but maybe I didn't? The fact 3/5 have all turned out with fairly major issues makes me feel less inclined to continue and the whole thing pointless cuz why give something to the homeless that sucks. So u can feel good?

I don't want therapy or medication. I deeply hate society and most of humanity. I used to be OK with it and I wanted to be apart of it but I was so shit on by so many people that I can't do it anymore. It's not worth it. 30 years of shit for like 30 y3ars of average? Cool.

Still trying tho. Still asked for money for food and I'll go hungry today but I'll havevmoney tomorrow I guess. That's life. Me and the 45 ppl on main St homeless. Somedays you eat Somedays you don't. He will probably realize at some point he made a mistake - hopefully. Because if I have to chase him for it, I'm probably going to hang out by myself tomorrow too.

I'm now worried I have no good winter clothes and my boots have holes in them. I'm already in super debt. I have to get a new jacket and boots before it snows. I could've gotten an extra 10 if I braved the cold for 25 min tonight but I'm just so tired I don't care enough. I can't talk to anyone about this. Then I'm just poor and a burden cuz I have no job and spend money on weed. And I did. I put myself far into debt just for weed. I'm now working on this plan that since I've quit smoking I must be up some money so I'll slowly build funds back up by not smoking and not spending crazy. Which even now sounds bullshit. But I'm trying the testing thing as well. If I get my shop up before Xmas rush. These are reasons to try but I'm only trying because d3pression put me in debt. If I wasn't this sad I wouldn't spend this money. I wouldntvlive like this.

Honestly until I get this money I don't even have funds for the bus to get my birth control. At the same time tho I was willing to sit all of this out and wait but I have like 7 days to be paid and I can't go 7 days without eating at all.

I spent myblast 3$ on cat food and honestly just this run down alone describes how insane I am. Like there's no way it's OK for me to be on my own to this degree. No sound psychologist would say yes 100% clearly functioning on their own in need of no assistance. If someone described this to me in my moments of sound mind I would be like this bitch is dead in atleast 5 years. Prob less. Meds aren't enough. Therapy is not enough. And I don't deserve to be in a psych ward because my capacity for reasoning and logic is fully there and it's unfair to have success in q team monitored to be released into the same conditions you know.

What am I doing when my father's gone? This because no one recognized that in a Co dependent relationship there are two people who are d3oendent not just one and instead of really assessing the situation people chose to think I was lazy and living off my father (even tho I was not) ignoring severe depression and suicidal t3ndencies. Thanks.

I am the abandoned house.

Today I was trying to get ready to leave when he said he still wanted to smoke from my bong and ohh where do I have to go that's so important. And it's not just him. It's anyone who knows myclife. They d3cided my time has less value because someone who's not them d3cided to pay me money in exchange for menial tasks. Since I don't have that my time is meaningless and they can not show up to qppts or show up late or leave late or make me wait X amount of time cuz I have all the time in the world. They work u know. But I no longer care. For the people who know me I'm no longer accepting this and just going about my lif3 without them. For those who don't, I'm no longer going to share anything about my life with anyone. I'm just as valuable as you. My time is equally of worth. Fuck you for ever thinking different.

Just remember - anyone else alive, not your problem.

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