#this is what i mean about my areas of study changeing the way my brain works. 18 year old me would never notice any of this. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

snootlestheangel · 7 months

Text

COD AU Ideas

Yup, just a big list of AU ideas I've had rattlin' around in the ole brain. I may not ever get around to doing something with most of these. Some might be very thought out and others a simple sentence of a concept. These are all my concepts, so have the expectation that these will eventually become my fics.

I'm unsure right now if any of these will turn into actual works, cause goodness knows I already have too much on my plate right now, BUT for the most part, what I put here is/will be what to expect if I actually do something with them. In other words, these will serve as "fic descriptions" but just for fics that may never come to be.

The first one I didn't include a "fic" description just cause it's such a niche AU and I really want to inspire others to write their own stuff for it. So please let me know if you want my idea for the work!

Anyways, here's some brain rot!

Prison Break AU

SoapGhost AU where they're both in prison and plan an escape together. Based simply on the idea of "We escaped prison together, and oops we fell in love along the way". SO MUCH angst potential, so much comedy potential, so much potential!!!!

I'll definitely do something with it one day, but we don't have any of these bad boys (that I'm aware of) so please ask me/tag me if you want to write a Prison Break/Prison AU of our boys!!! Like, a Prison AU is a phenomenal idea why have I not heard of anything like this existing already???

Cryptid Hunters AU

AU in which Task Force 141 is actually an entire section of the modern military dedicated to controlling/monitoring the cryptid/monster populations of the world. Sometimes this means killing really rare/dangerous ones. Would contain PriceNik (subject to change into including Graves), SoapGhost, GazAlex.

It's the 141 boys just hunting cryptids with the help of Shadow Company (the North American version), Kate Laswell, and a few others. *honestly not my favorite AU, most likely to be forgotten about*

Cryptid Hunters AU but a bit to the left

Same concept as before but Ghost is a cryptid himself. Ghost still acts like a normal dude, and is a part of the 141 because they're actually super helpful for him, as a powerful cryptid-most-likely-ancient-deity. Helpful because they remove competition/keep most cryptids under check. But not helpful cause they stress him out, they want to find The Ghost and put "it" down cause it's apparently super dangerous.

He's a modern cryptid, meaning stories about his cryptid-self are recent (last like 20 years), which makes him that much more terrifying. He's actually one of the most notorious English cryptids; known for his abilities to phase in and out of shadows, creating pillars of solidified black sand, changing his size from massive to incredibly small, and causing incredibly vivid hallucinations of deceased loved ones. He earned the name Ghost cause of those hallucinations and how he often appears like the ghost of a person long deceased. Cue SoapGhost happening and lots of angst potential with that. Also so much comedy cause they're all like "Damn Ghost was spotted again" and he has to act surprised by what they find when they investigate the area. Soap openly defending the entity of Ghost by saying that he's "never killed anyone! 'Sides we should study him and learn about him! He's probably the only one of his kind, ya know!" Ghost falling in love with the strange little human that looks in awe at the massive structures Ghost makes with his crystalized black sand. Ghost intentionally making them more intricate as time goes on, letting himself get spotted in his full "demonic" form cause the excitement and borderline insane curiosity on Soap's face is always worth it. Now this?? This is good shit that I really want to write now

Soap is a Healer AU

Can't think of a good concise thing to call this AU so lemme explain! Soap who is part of a small percentage of people that possess unique abilities. Their designed to "heal souls" so to speak. People with lots of baggage in their lives often seek out the comfort of these "healers" because they can genuinely help them "heal" from all of this. Part of this means helping them move on from the loss of loved ones, like friends and family, or even pets. This means they can see ghosts of people that someone is still attached to. It's not the ghosts being attached to the people, it's the living not wanting to/struggling to move on. Healers can interact with a person's ghost(s) and vice versa, which is often how they help people move on.

Make it SoapGhost though where "Healers" shouldn't be in the military. There's been too many that have gone insane themselves from all the pain and misery they see/feel/experience on a daily basis. Even if they never see a battlefield, they're constantly surrounded by those who have and it's a miserable experience. Healers in these positions often take their own lives because "they couldn't save everyone" and it eventually became incredibly difficult for a Healer to get to where Soap is. But Soap's identity as a Healer is known by like maybe 3 people, Price not included. And he's not got the true "Healer" personality: he's not quite as empathetic and self-sacrificing as people like his mum, so he's doing just fine where he is.

Then he meets Ghost and suddenly all that changes. He suddenly meets someone he knows he needs to "heal" because damn. He sees the Riley family: Ghost's mum, Tommy and Beth, Joseph, and even Roach. Soap slowly winning Ghost over with the help of the Riley family. Soap slowly helping Ghost move on, helping to convince Ghost that Roach is gone, it's okay to love someone else, Ghost realizing Soap is "Healer" and getting upset that he's just "using" Ghost or whatever the fuck, Soap having to convince him that he fell in love with him, not that he's trying to heal him because it's what Soap is, but because he loves him. Soap saying he fell in love when he realized how many years had passed since the Riley family's passing, how unusual it is for people to have such strong "ghosts" after more than 5 years, saying he fell in love because it means Ghost is such a deeply caring, loving person. He fell in love because often times the "ghosts" in a person's life just continue on like nothing happened, and seeing the way they love Simon, seeing the way little Joseph just adores his uncle, everything about Simon Riley made Soap fall in love.

Undercover AU

This one's a GazAlex AU actually!

Literally what it sounds like. The two have to work together as an undercover duo, often times pretending to be a couple, as they help track down a big bad. Lot of flustered Alex caused by Gaz simply ~existing~. So many cliche tropes in this bad boy. The "there was only one bed", the "make out in an alley to avoid getting caught", the "pretending to be married".

Just a lot of Gaz being the coolest, most badass mf-er to exist and Alex trying desperately to keep things "professional" between them and failing miserably. Gaz being confident and using it to make Alex even more flustered cause "heh, he's kinda cute when he's all red and embarrassed". Gaz knowing full well the crisis he's giving Alex like 90% of the time, but not pushing Alex out of his comfort zone cause it's clear Alex likes him but doesn't want to compromise anything about their mission.

So much silly goofy potential with this, but also like some genuine good shit. Also Laswell and Price being older, "wiser" gays just laughing at the two dancing around each other.

Definitely going to be a fic once I finish one of my current WIPs. This either means posting all the YouTuber AU drabbles I have in my drafts or the last 4 chapters of my Left4Dead AU. Probably the latter...

Anyways, feel free to ask questions about these AUs! I'd love to get an excuse to share more of my brain rot!

#simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #soapghost #ghostsoap #gazalex #alexgaz #cod mw2 #call of duty #cod au #soapghost au #gazalex au #snootles's au dump

36 notes · View notes

notetaeker · 2 years

Text

October 22, 2022 - Saturday | Fall Challenges 12/30 and 8/30

I painted some cookies on friday and posted it on here and my beloved friend @nocreat made my day today by actually making similar cookies irl and it literally filled me with joy on a nondescript n unexciting saturday morning I am so grateful 💓 the plan for today is getting thru some grading before i drown in ungraded papers, a zoom meeting at 4, and maybe force myself to go on a walk?

📝study methods: there's a lot I could say on this topic but i think one thing that helped me a lot is doing 30 minutes of uninterrupted work and then taking a 5-7 minute break, and then repeating it. Ofc you can change the time limits around but having a small break often gives you something to work toward when you're focusing for 30 minutes + being strict on yourself. Also instead of feeling like you need to study the whole day, you are thinking more like 'okay I just need to finish this 30 minutes for now' which doesn't seem like too long. Much better than sitting indefinitely in the library for 3 hours and realizing I didn't accomplish much 😬

💭 something about your area of study that people may not know: I was teaching literal vs. figurative language to my 4th graders last year and they couldn't remember which was which and then one of them was like 'I know! figurative language means you have to "figure out" what they're actually talking about, right?' and I was so so impressed lol I hadn't thought of it that way in my 25+ years of life and im someone who dissects words for FUN (courtesy of having to know all kinds of medical terminology). And she came up with it! On her own! Her brain *chefs kiss*

#we love a girl who deletes her post accidentally when attempted to fix a typo #attempting*********#studyspo #studyblr #studyingunderthefallingleaves #tranquilfallbuddies #bless i had a reblog of this or else imagine writing all of that again D:#tasha i am putting u on blast for making me happy i love u so much or smth like that #notes

151 notes · View notes

luverofralts · 3 months

Text

Arkhelios Adventures

"Urgh, my head. Where the hell am I?"

Theo looked around anxiously at his surroundings, but didn't recognize a single landmark. He was in a desert, he could tell that much. Probably not Arkhelios though. Anyone could see the Bellamy house from far away and it was nowhere to be found. The last thing Theo could remember had been saying goodnight to Adam and climbing into bed for the night. There weren't any memories of leaving school or arriving at any desert. This had to be a dream of some kind.

"It is a dream of sorts," a loud, somewhat familiar voice called out. "I could send you through the actual waves of time, but not as far and not as fast. Even magic has its limitations and I'd rather not fight through the currents of the Ocean unless I have to. Very few warlocks are permitted to physically cross the boundaries of time."

"You-you're that Maricourt that visited me before," Theo said, holding his throbbing head. "Evren's friend. Rio something."

"Master Reogus," the warlock corrected. "I'm one of the last Guardians of Time, and yes, a dear friend of Master Thorne. I wanted you to see something, little demon. To understand the future, one must understand the past."

"Wait, my voice is different and and hands are bigger!" Theo gasped, running his hands over himself to find that his body had changed quite a bit. While he couldn't see his reflection, he could feel the heavy weight of demon horns on his head and could feel the difference in his overall size. "I'm an adult? Is this a trick? This has to be a trick!"

Reogus smiled.

"The waves of time are fluid," he replied cryptically. "Sometimes the only method of navigating them is to change your vessel. As I've just stated, you are unable to flow with the waves to the past, only to my recreations. It it still incredibly taxing, and your natural form will adapt to the currents. The change is not permanent."

Theo audibly sighed with relief. Trying to explain to his teenage boyfriend why he had an adult body would have been a nightmare. His father would have had yet another breakdown too.

"Where are we? Why do you think I need to see something in the past? Can I call Evren?"

"We're in Strangetown," Reogus answered, ignoring all other questions. "Before its destruction. Around the year 125 or so, when times were peaceful. This family should be of interest to you."

Theo squinted against the harsh sun to try to get a better look, but he didn't know what to look for. Just because he had an adult body didn't mean that his brain had changed too.

"There's some kids hanging out in their yard. Big deal," he stated. For all the effort the warlock was supposedly going through, his presentation was awfully boring.

"That is Ripp Grunt," Reogus said sternly. "The survivor. The leader of Strangetown through the darkness. Do you not still study history in our academy?"

"Strangetown history is an elective and Adam didn't want to take it," Theo replied. "We live in Pleasantview after all."

If Theo didn't know better, he could have sworn that the ancient warlock groaned beside him.

"The Pleasantview council fought wars against insurgents who were aided by the supernatural. Those blessed with the gifts of Life fought against the darkness. The old monarch of Pleasantview fell and the demons cemented their hold on the country."

"Yeah, Life still messes around with the living," Theo said. "There's a poster in our living area with their various disguises and a number to call. They seem pretty nice though. They killed my grandma to save me and my dad."

"No, this is the old way," Reogus corrected the teen. "Lukas doesn't manifest as Life until 137."

Theo raised a skeptical eyebrow at the warlock.

"That doesn't make any sense. There's always been a deity of life to match the deity of death. It's basic magical theory. Light and dark, death and life helps bind spells and makes magic possible."

"Well, I'm glad they still teach you something in school. You may still want to think about taking more electives, child. There once was a being of Life created together with Death. Life grew greedy over the years and fell away from his purpose. As punishment, the Ocean swallowed him and his followers in its deepest, coldest depths, creating the Void as you know it and all of its demons. For a time, Death reigned alone and it was a dark time indeed."

"Young Ripp lost everything. His family, his friends, his home. For reasons that none of us mortals know, Strangetown was nearly destroyed by the newly forged demons and Pleasantview. Their entire way of life was completely destroyed in the aftermath. Limited technology, and no electricity grids to support them. The people turned to magic and their own communities to survive. If Death had destroyed their lives, the people began to call to Him in rituals to ease their suffering."

"And Ripp Grunt was there, holding the country together. The Spectors, the Smiths, they all rallied around his leadership and the old ways were born."

"The old ways?" Theo repeated, still in shock at the images before him. "Are they magic? Are they in my textbook?"

Theo watched the man before him bow before a flame, whispering a strange language rhythmically to himself. Ripp took a dagger from his side and released a small amount of blood onto some runes, something that looked very familiar to Theo.

"Oh! I know that one!" he exclaimed excitedly. "That's a spell for protection! That was on my exam last semester. This is when people practiced blood magic? This is awesome! People who actually use the same kind of magic that I do!"

"But Death was unbalanced during this time," Reogus said coldly. If Theo had to guess, this guy must have been a teacher at his school when he was alive. He talked like a teacher. "The Great Demons rose along with their blood demon brethren. The council in Pleasantview increased their attacks. It was a time of great suffering. The current Grim Reaper was born during this time. He watched the death toll rise as his father collected the many lost souls with clinical precision."

"Why are you showing me all of this?" Theo demanded. This all sounded like it was getting to the point this strange warlock wanted to make, but Theo wasn't liking the somber change in his voice or the broken look in the young Grim Reaper's eyes. "What's the point? I'll take Strangetown history 101 if that's what you want."

"You are coming of age, child," the warlock said kindly, as if he could sense Theo's discomfort. "To know the past is to know the future. To know your past is to know your future."

"No offense, but this isn't my past. This was millennia ago, I'm fourteen."

"It is the origin of your people," Reogus continued. "It is the origin of your kind. As you said, these are the people who are doing the type of magic that is in your textbooks. As you grow older, you will come into your true power. You need to see what that looks like."

"Um, I'm good now," Theo protested. "If I could just wake up from whatever dream this is, I promise that I'll take the history course. There's a lot of fire and death and creepy things here that probably look better in a history textbook."

"No, you must look closer."

Theo's stomach felt like it was being torn from his body as the warlock manipulated their reality, sending wave after wave of energy through him. A shimmering blue light enveloped him, shielding him as his entire person succumbed to the rhythm of the waves of time.

When he could open his eyes again, Theo found himself in a graveyard in the dark of night. He wasn't normally worried by gravestones, but something felt off about this place. The energy was dark and unfriendly.

When Theo moved to take a step forward, he nearly tripped. His legs were suddenly much shorter than he was used to. A quick look at his hands confirmed the change. He was no longer an adult, but still not a teenager. Had he really been this short as a child? He didn't remember the world looking this small.

"See, young apprentice, this is the result of unbalance. This is the price of an unchecked structure for your kind."

Theo stared in the direction Reogus was pointing and saw two men huddled together in the ruins of a graveyard.

"That's the Grim Reaper again," Theo noted. "At least that's who he is in my time. Victoriana says that her grandparents adore him, that he's this nice, compassionate boss who lets them get away with whatever they want."

"Well, saddled with an embarrassing name, and neglected by any parental figures will sometimes do that to a person," Reogus acknowledged. "He has lived in Strangetown for millenia and protected it as best as he could the entire time. There are limits to the abilities of reapers, though. They cannot change the flow of history unless it is their destiny or if the change has been approved by an appropriate deity. This younger Gee is still in his first lifetime, trying to protect the man he loves from his father. Without Life to balance him, Death was overpowered. All the killing that the demons did went unchallenged. Many people may have died before their time and in large quantities. All of the first Life’s powers went with the demons when he fell. Life's powers were not meant to be used for evil. The Great and blood demons were powerful beyond measure because of this. When the powers of Life are used as a weapon, people suffer. Devastating amounts of lives were lost."

"Yeah, I get it," Theo snapped, starting to realize that this whole mystical trip was really just an excuse for another adult to scold him and make him feel badly about his powers. "Murder is bad, I know."

"Father! Sir! Stop this! We can't keep letting this happen!"

Theo watched as Gee Spector pleaded with Death on behalf of the living. For all of Gee's angry words, Death seemed to be unmoved.

"Father, this can't keep happening. Ben says that they don't have the resources to survive past six months at the food dispersal center. We need to call for help. You knew Life, can't you talk to him about the demons? Why isn't the Ocean stopping this?"

"Life won't listen to me, he never has," Death replied stiffly. "All I can do is my job. It's all for the Ocean to sort out and it is too weak at the moment. I must do my duty and my duty only. I'm sorry that you've developed an attachment to the living. It's unfortunate that they suffer, but it's not my duty to deal with it."

Theo saw Gee's hands tighten into angry fists, but the reaper said nothing. The being in front of him barely looked like he cared for his son and seemed to actively despise the living humans. Theo had never thought of the current Life deity as anything other than a pest who liked to meddle in the affairs of the living, but clearly, they had changed Death for the better over the centuries.

Theo watched what he assumed was the burning energy of fallen souls dispense out of Death’s hands into the air.

"It gets better here, though, right?" he asked his magical tour guide. "Strangetown had enough food to survive? Somehow the Life deity was replaced and things got better?"

Reogus shrugged, happy to finally have the young student's attention.

"Well, since you declined the opportunity to study Strangetown history in school, I guess we'll just have to see what happens next."

#sims 2 #arkhelios #sim: theo bellamy #theo bellamy #reogus maricourt #sim: reogus maricourt #gee spector #izanami lane #ripp grunt #tank grunt

8 notes · View notes

wxrmeaterz · 12 days

Note

Here's the quote calling them tulpa systems. (It's discussing an fMRI study.)

Hi, thanks for your question! Our strongest finding was when we looked at tulpa possession. We were using a simple writing task in the fMRI. We found that when a tulpa is possessing the body and writing a sentence, there is reduced activity in a particular part of the brain that's involved in planning actions and having a sense of agency over your actions (the pre-supplementary motor area, or pre-SMA). This suggests that tulpamancers have learned to down-regulate this key agency/planning region, which lets an alternative agent (the tulpa) take control. It's pretty amazing that tulpa systems can do this on demand. We did have a few tulpamancers who could switch, but we haven't carefully looked at their data yet to see how it's different from normal possession. That's a secondary analysis we're planning after the main results come out :)

And here's another.

Hi :) As I explained in my reply to u/Collective-screaming , our strongest finding, and the one we had predicted before we started, was that tulpa possession reduced activity in a brain area--the pre-supplementary motor area--that is very important to planning actions and having a feeling of agency over your actions. This shows that tulpa systems really are shifting the basic building blocks of the sense of agency in the brain, which is pretty cool. We also found another brain change during tulpa possession, in a specific cluster in the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex. This cluster is interesting too because other studies have shown that it's specifically involved in what's been called "self-othermerging". https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8326319/ So basically when tulpas are possessing the body, our results suggest that the brain is shifting the way it's processing who is in control--reducing the sense of the self's agency (presumably the host) and merging between the sense of self and the other (presumably the tulpa). It's hard to know what insights this gives in terms of how best to create a tulpa, because we only scanned experts and didn't track people as they learned. But maybe it implies that focusing on letting go of control is crucial.

The doctors don't call this DID and make it clear in other comments that it's not the same thing. But they do still call them systems.

fMRI's are used for mapping brain surgery and similar procedures

Because of this I doubt this can be used to accurately gauge anything to do with plurality/systems/etc

Again reiterating my point that:

- It is HIGHLY unlikely they are experts in CDDs and systems. By calling them systems they are disregarding a clinical understanding of systems, CDDs, etc making this information highly unreliable

- Tulpamancy is a closed practise actively being culturally appropriated by endos and their supporters, making any use of this study irrelevant to individuals claiming to be plural.

Source for use of fMRI's:

fMRI scans have been found to be highly unreliable. They CANNOT identify individual differences. It is a technical tool and not for psychological research (essentially).

Source for this:

It depends solely on what you research

Source:

fMRI scans only observe blood flow and not the ACTUAL activity of neurons. Brains are much more intricate and we cannot study them fully or understand the full extent to functions of each area, making it impossible to prove whether any of this is accurate (meaning none of these studies can be considered accurate).

Source

To try and combat me with "studies" that are widely known by psychologists and experts to be unreliable is laughable.

And an extra note to anon:

If you are trying to agree or disagree with this I do not care, but tulpa "systems" are STILL appropriating a closed practice and to continue to attempt to prove a point with dodgy "science" is bordering on both racist and ableist.

Edit to add:

Research into actual DID, plurality and trauma (etc) uses MRI scans

Source:

Link to the study:

Why are MRIs more reliable?

They don't just look at "activity over time"

but the actual structure

Source:

#syscourse #endos dni #🌳forest.chats #endos fuck off #anti endo #anti misinformation

6 notes · View notes

aeriona · 2 years

Text

A random study I did on Moblins (the art kinda sucks lol), as well as some speculative notes. They’re written entirely in Hylian AND my handwriting sucks, so I will translate under the cut (from left to right, top to bottom, with added notes in brackets):

Assorted teeth

Big ears, heat dissipation? (African elephants have large ears to increase surface area and to better swat away flies. I thought with a larger creature such as the moblin, the Square Cube Law* would necessitate some sort of anti-overheating strategy.)

hanging tongue

big horn (horns as essentially ‘magic storage organs’ which is why monsters have them to store magical energy and also why they’re used in elixirs.)

foramen magnum (???) (basically the big hole in your skull where your spine fits into. Having it directly underneath the skull like in humans is better for supporting a heavier, more complicated/intelligent brain. Therefore it makes sense that moblins wouldn’t be terribly smart with their foramen magnum being on the back of the skull and not directly under it.)

Approximately 11 feet tall

light fur (again square cube law means less fur to have less heat)

mix of canines and molars

tail for balance? (Ain’t no way they don’t all over all the time with their necks leaning forward so much like that. I give you tail now.)

three digits, limits dexterity (having only three finger would probably have an affect on how complicated moblin technology would be, especially combined with their relatively simple brains in comparison to people.)

I love taking animals/organisms in games and going “why do they look like that?” And then trying to justice their design or change it so it makes more sense to their role in the game’s ecosystem. Fun fact: From what I have read from the devs about the design choices of BOTW’s monsters, Bokoblins, Moblins and Lizalfos were deliberately designed to strike a balance between frightening/intimidating, and being oddly cute.

*the Square Cube Law states that the area of an object scales with the square of length, and that volume scales with the cube of length. In normal terms this basically means that an animals that is twice the height of another will have a dramatically higher volume, and therefore regulating heat may become an issue if they get big enough. This is why Elephants have very little hair, because they need to dissipate so much heat!

Okay okay I’m done now thanks for listening to my overanalysing and scientific ramblings and sorry for getting too detailed. It will happen again.

#Botw #breath of the wild #moblin #the legend of zelda #my art #speculative biology #legend of zelda #legend of zelda fanart

66 notes · View notes

mizukagami-takamagahara · 1 year

Note

About your tags on the Ignis post, I didn't know Aspec!Terumi headcanon was controversial? (Like, he's not human, I can't see gender or sexuality coming naturally to him.) What do people usually headcanon him as? Straight?

I'll admit I'm largely just assuming it's controversial. I think a lot of people equate "talking about sex" to "wanting to have sex," so with Terumi's constant dirty mouth and euphemisms it can make sense to read him as sexually motivated. Like, 'he talks like a pervert, why wouldn't he be one???' I guess I just think that Terumi doesn't fit the fandom stereotype of "asexual."

I'm really not involved in shipping and that side of fandom, so to be fair this is the opinion of an outsider looking in. But I think a lot of people headcanon him as gay or bi. He's paired with Relius, his hosts, or Trinity most often.

A lot of people are also inclined to interpret their faves as similar to themselves, so that bias may color my interpretations and those of others. I myself am an asexual Terumi fan, so that may be influencing me!

As for my personal hcs/interpretation...

It's been a while since I went through BlazBlue, and I've started doing these deep-dive character studies, so I might want to come back to these points at a later date- when I've really dug into his character and have sources to analyze, and see if my opinions change. For now, these thoughts are kind of 'off the cuff.' They've had a lot of time to stew in my brain and soak up the broth.

((I mean, I am aware that headcanons don't need to be canon-compliant, but I'm the type of person who specifically gets their enjoyment of this sort of thing by treating the source material as a mystery to solve or a puzzle to put together, so cross-referencing with canon and shooting for accuracy/believability is a large part of the fun for me.))

He talks dirty a lot, but it seems to be intended to either 1.) infuriate others and make them uncomfortable or 2.) hurt others directly by humiliating, defiling, or dominating them. I see his sexual commentary as a weapon- it's a power play, one more way he can harm, Hatefarm [tm], and make himself feel powerful.

He's implied to be somewhat averse to touch and connection. He's strict about interaction being on his terms and freaks out when it isn't. [As a separate but related point, connection itself is something he really doesn't seek. It likely isn't in his nature, considering what he is/was. He's much more inclined to use 'connection-seeking-behavior' as a tool to prompt vulnerability he can then take advantage of, or as a tool to annoy/aggravate people he knows won't be receptive to it.]

[Though there may be something to say about the intended relationship between the Susano'o and the Amaterasu- or the 'role' of the Susano'o- and how that could influence Terumi's 'natural' or innate perception of relationships as a whole. But like. The last thing I need is another tangent to go on.]

I have a lot of thoughts about Terumi becoming sort of 'humanized' over the However Many Years since leaving the Susano'o Unit (kind of like how when you live in an area long enough, you start becoming more similar to the locals.) He simultaneously talks about himself as separate from and above 'disgusting, pathetic, powerless' humanity... while quite clearly acting very human (selfish, impulsive, fun-seeking) and engaging in man-made pleasures (guitar, live music, accessories) that he's just as likely to insult others for engaging with. He even seemingly identifies most with his 'human' form; when he Self-Observes we get that Yellow Jacket Terumi rather than his spirit form or anything resembling the Susano'o. To me, this suggests that that is the form Terumi most identifies with/sees as himself.

Because of the above point, I think Terumi isn't inclined to human connection, touch, sex, etc- they aren't instinctual/intuitive to him, considering his origin, they aren't a need the way they are for a social species- but he does enjoy and relate to more parts of the human experience than he's willing to admit. So, like, I don't think Terumi is necessarily sex-averse, but I don't think he's at all internally sexually motivated. Like, I can see him enjoying feeling sexy and possibly even pursuing sex under extremely specific circumstances, but that would absolutely have to be on his terms and it could be hard to predict when/where/how the stars needed to align for it to happen. 97% of the time it's much more likely that if he is making a pass at anyone, he wants them to hate it. If they reciprocated, he'd likely get upset fast.

#I might like to consider myself a decent resource on BlazBlue #but I will have to admit that I am NOT a good resource on fandom culture or information or norms #I don't really engage with it so there's a lot I wouldn't know #bb headcanons #ao no kokagami #yuuki terumi #takehaya susanoo #sankishin #to continue my trend of hinting at more thoughts in the tags #I am inclined to see Hazama as more allo-leaning #given how he does seem to have an outright desire to experience/explore any kind of sensation #especially those that he struggles to understand intuitively #Kazuma I can see going either way but at the present my read is more asexual

14 notes · View notes

hshouse · 10 months

Note

Hi, I’ve been follow you for a while and I admire you for your perseverance and focus, how did you know what did you want to do? I have a job that I tolerate and I studied something I thought I liked and still like the possibilities of it, but I’m just lost I don’t know what I want or what I’m good at, sorry to drop this on you, I have too much anxiety and I just can’t make myself give the next step. I hope things work out with the shy dude, good day!

Hi bby,

Oh hiiiii. I appreciate that. I had no idea what to do either. Not even a clue of the general area I’d end up at. When I had to decide, I worked backwards from the life I knew I wanted. I wanted money, an intellectually hard job, and job security. Those were essential to the life I wanted for myself. I was willing to sacrifice years (like get a degree), work/life balance, and being like IN LOVE w a job. So from this, I kinda found my job. I ended up LOOOOVING it. I think I love it because it meets my desires so it is easy to love the topic.

About fighting inertia and taking the next step, that comes very naturally to me so it is hard to explain. But my brain thinks of it this way. I don’t complain and hate feeling like I want to complain. So, I have two options: either work to love where I am or work to change it. Thats it. In my head you don’t truly hate where you are if you are willing to not do anything about changing it. Staying still and being unhappy is a cop out. I’m not saying you can change your life over night. You cant. But you can sit down and start thinking about whats next, outlining steps and preparing.

Another thing is that you gotta be the kid that doesn’t eat the marshmallow (google the marshmallow test if you dont know). You gotta have delayed gratification which means being willing to continuously put in work without getting any reward because you know a bigger reward will come. The things that are happening to me now were planned literally five years ago. Again this is easy for me because I think: If I work hard these 5 years I’m going to reap the benefits for THE REST OF MY LIFE. Easy choice.

Overall, my last advice is to just fake confidence. Like. Fake it. You dont need to feel it. Apply to jobs/schools you dont think you are qualified for. Do stuff you dont feel 100000% prepared for.

Good luck!

4 notes · View notes

stupidblogtomessagewifey · 11 months

Note

I fucking hate how republicans constantly target trans people. I get on Twitter and all I see is republicans constantly talking about trans people. Can they just let them live?! They target lgbtqia+ people constantly.

Might get offended 🤭🤗

I find myself agreeing with republicans and hating some. Like we got the religious ones who have their heads up everyone’s ass. Then we got the ones who scream “my body my choice” when it comes to a Covid vaccine, but god forbid someone wants to change the way they look or get an abortion. But… I’m in a very pro gay area and I see some of the stuff that happens that I don’t agree with at all. I mean when I’m walking outside and there is a pride parade and gay men are in bdsm attire while kids are on the sidewalk then I’m gonna have a problem. As far as the trans stuff (I know it’s kinda like the center of attention right now), I have no problem with trans people at all. I don’t care if a trans women uses the women’s bathroom… the only problem I have is grown men claiming to be trans and happily walking around with a stubble. It’s gross to me. I don’t want a man with a whole fucking beard walking into the bathroom with me. If you’re gonna transition into a women.. make an effort to look like one. Even if I can like tell someone is trans you can see they’re clearly making an effort and I don’t have any problem with them in my bathroom. But the 50+ year old men with beards and hairlines to the back of their neck absolutely not. And I find a lot of republicans don’t like it when it comes to kids and I agree. I don’t think we should be jumping to put kids on medications that will alter their body permanently. For example if I had a daughter who was like “mom, I wanna be a boy can I get on hrt” imma be like slow down. That kid is getting a therapist and I want a diagnosis of gender dysphoria before they can transition medically. I’m all for socially transitioning… cut your hair or wear different clothes, but when it comes to cross sex hormones I think it’s important to make sure that’s what that kid needs. I’m not usually for kids medically transitioning, but if it gets to the point where they REALLY NEED TO and they’re at an age where they can understand the risks… then I can get behind it. It isnt all sunshine and rainbows… you’re altering body chemistry here and it has risks. You’re destroying a perfectly good reproductive system and there’s a risk of osteoporosis, blood clots and a bunch of other stuff. There’s even studies saying that Lupron (what they use as puberty blockers) can cause brain swelling. That shit is scary and I think the person taking them should understand the risks of that. And you can’t tell me a 12 year old who believes in Santa can. Sorry, that’s just my opinion. But the republicans who hate the whole thing in general can fuck off. Adults can do what they want.

4 notes · View notes

faesystem · 1 year

Text

The posts would be broken up into three (tagged for ease of finding and filtering) categories.

1. Summaries and explanations

This would specifically focus on summarising the results of result. To the best of my ability, it will be free of personal opinion/experiences and speculation. For example, the results of neuroimaging studies in DID and what they indicate.

The goal of this is to help further education about CDDs and to make that educational content accessible.

2. Speculative

This would be where I draw together the findings of multiple studies to speculate on a topic. What I say here will be based primarily on studies, with minimal commentary about personal experiences except where unavoidable. For example, the results of neuroimaging in DID indicated that the Pars Area has reduced grey matter. Damage to this area is associated with muteness. There was a study surrounding the idea that selective mutism may be a way in which DID can present.

The goal of this is to open up conversations around CDDs that can help provide an insight into current gaps in our research without being completely baseless. I also hope it can help encourage people to be more informed on topics when forming their opinions and overall create a more well thought-out and less agressive sort of conversation in syscourse.

3. Opinion Based

Opinion based is just that, things that are primarily based in opinion. While I will try and base this on factual evidence as much as possible, there are things that are simply not researched into.

The goal of this would be to create a more constructive conversation around syscourse and related topics. It will not be about finding out the right answer, it will be about what we should do when we do not have an answer. For example, we don't know if non-disordered plurals have statistically significant differences in their brain structure to singlets. Considering we do not know, I do not believe forming an opinion that assumes yes or no either way is useful. Instead we should consider approaching this topic in a way that would not be altered if it was suddenly proven or disproven.

The goal of this would be to create more constructive conversations in syscourse. While the acocunt primarily focuses on CDDs, it is also focuses on syscourse. The biggest problems I see in syscourse is miscommunication. It leads to this incredibly aggressive and polarising argument that ultimately does more harm than good. Many people engage in syscourse for a reason. Most of these reasons are good, like correcting misinformation and addressing ableism, but no amount of good intentions change the results.

The categories aside, another thing about this is it encourages people to discuss these things and create well thought out, evidence based opinions.

However, that is not me saying I expect APA formatted formally articulated essays. I want to make it very clear the manner in which I do things is not what I am encouraging others to do. I am encouraging you to be well informed and do your best to express your point.

For me, personally? I seriously suck ass at expressing my point. I have a lot to say and struggle to condense it. That combined with this being the tone I am most comfortable speaking in results in me being misunderstood constantly. It overwhelms people and can feel aggressive or intimidating. This means that my point often times gets misunderstood. I try and combat this by structuring with sections fo keep me more contained.

The point I am trying to make is I swear I am not some mean, intimidating person. I am simply autistic.

The most important thing in conversations in my opinion is to be understandable. And that is a skill I do not possess. I hope that this project, if people are interested, provides me with the same practice as I hope it does you.

I will say that there is no DNI and anyone is free to interact. However, I do not owe anyone anything. If I dislike you and what you stand for, I will block you. If I feel as though you are a troll or baiting me, I will block you. If I for any reason at all wish to block you, I will block you.

I doubt I will all that often, most people I have blocked are already blocked, but just a note so everyone is aware and on the same page.

#syscourse #discourse #education #cdd system #actuallydid #Dissociative Identity Disorder #long post #osdd

5 notes · View notes

megthestallionbootyhair · 1 year

Text

All Is Fair In Love And War Ch 2.

Y/N x Haley Dean (random characters not from franchises.)

Summary : You finally decide to say a full scentence to Haley. I wonder how that goes?

"This is talking"

-This is thinking-

You're walking back to your room when your friend finds you. Not Mai but that camera guy you found. "Hey, how are you doing after witnessing a kill" you said to which they just shrugged "Talking isn't your thing is it. " you said and they shook their head. "Well whatever I do the talking and you just listen do that and this friendship will work OK. " you said to them and they nodded.

"You know, I've been thinking about actually talking to Haley. What do you think?" You said making them aggressively shake their head no. What you didn't know is that Camera guy has watched you from afar, and they saw the way you reacted to her. "Heeeey I know what to do, I'll introduce you to haley. It would be something for me to talk about so I won't have to just make stuff up." You continue without noticing camera guys eyes widen tremendously

"It would be weird if I called you Camera Guy so what's your name?" You said making Camera guy spell out their name. "M.A.K.I" you spell out "Maki your name is Maki. Ok well Maki let's go back to my room Haley should be there waiting for me. I'm supposed to be tutoring her." Maki nodded at you. You would never say, but you didn't know what gender Maki is. Maki would never say, but they don't know what your gender is.

____________________________________________

In your room

You're about to unlock your door when you hear laughing. Not just one person laughing, but two. Who could be in your room? When you opened the door you could see Mai in your room sitting beside Haley. If it was anyone else you would have been pissed off, but no matter what you wouldn't hurt Mai. Bros before them hoes. You walked in and Maki closed the door behind y'all. "Hey, y/n I've just been chilling with Haley." Mai talked, but you were to happy to actually listen.

With Mai and Maki here you had two topics to talk about. Hopefully you wouldn't sound stupid or say something weird or nothing at all. You're determined to talk to Haley, you just thought it was weird to kill for somebody you can't even talk to. "Y/N! You good. " Mai yells snapping you out of your thoughts. "Y-yea" you say with a voice crack just Haley being in the area was enough to slow your brain down. Maki stood there embarrassed for you.

"Hey y/n I'm ready for tutoring, but first who's your friend?" She said with a hint of interest in her eyes. This was your chance -just say hey this is my friend Maki.- "Uhh this i-is friend my Maki. " Damn what was thaaaaat. Both Mai and Maki turned away while Haley stared at you with confused eyes but also a smile. One that you thought was beautiful it was an honor she showed it to you. "Wait, y/n what did you say."

This time you had a plan...think about puppies and it would all be alright. You were about to speak when Mai said "Did you guys hear about Mr. Forsberg death. They say he was stabbed a bunch. Just cuts everywhere." Usually that would have been a surprise, but in this case it wasn't. "What, Mr. Forsberg died. I mean I didn't like him, but I wouldn't wish death on him. That's so sad." You and Maki nodded stiffly which made both Mai and Haley look at y'all weird.

"U-um but like I was saying t-this is M-aaki." You said trying to change the subject quickly and messing up a bit, and by the look of Maki's face they weren't to happy you messed up their name. Whatever.┐(￣ー￣)┌ You finally said something to Haley. You were having a ball on the inside. "Hi Maki nice to meet you. Haley put her hand out and Maki took it gently and kissed the back of her hand. "Aww, that's sweet." Haley said -To sweet.- you glared at Maki making them immediately let go of Haley's hand.

"So y/n let's get get this study stuff over with." Haley said sitting down in the chair by the desk. "Alright Maki you can come and chill in my dorm. Let's go" -NOOOO my topic- you yelled in your mind while keeping a straight face. Maki turned towards you with a sorry face before walking out and closing the door behind them. You walked towards Haley and sat down beside her.

____________________________________________

After studying

Somehow you helped her with speaking a bit of words. I gotta say that is impressive. You both were laying down in your beds. She was on her phone back turned towards you and you were watching her every move. Just studying what she does and how she does it. Everything was alright until she turned around noticing you watching her. Your mind went into panick you quickly snatched a book from under your bed and pretended to read it.

You heard her bed squeak. You couldn't see because of the book and you were too afraid to put it down. Soon you put the book down to find her standing above you with her arms crossed and a small smile on her face. You jumped from surprise and she laughed. It was a beautiful laugh it was like melody. You loved it. "You know it weird to watch people."

She said sitting down on your bed. "S-sorry" you said embarrassed. "It's alright now move over. " she said causing you to make a confused face "Move over so I can lay down." You didn't say anything as you were surprised you just moved over and she layed down beside you. "I'm sad Mr. Forsberg died sure he was a horrible person, but he didn't deserve to die. -yes he did- you thought.

"Yea, i-its pretty upsetting." You say nonchalantly "But you know what made me happy." She said and you shook your head "It was you talking to me. We have been living together for a while and we very rarely talk, so to hear you talk a full scentence even if you did mess up the first time. It really made me happy." What she said made you feel sick to the core in a good way. "Ok I'll try to speak more." You said

It was only until you saw Haley's eyes go wide that you realized you just spoke a full scentence clearly. Both of you smiled. Haley slept with you in your bed that night, and you could have never been happier.

You couldn't wait to tell Mai and Maki about this.

___________________________________________

For finishing this chapter I give you...A POEM

Fool for your charms -by Joanna Fuchs

Everyday with you gives me a thrill

All my dreams you richly fulfill

I'm a fool for your charms

You belong in my arms

Love me, please say that you will

6 notes · View notes

gatekeeper-watchman · 1 year

Text

From: Steven P. Miller

Founder of Gatekeeper-Watchman International Group Jacksonville, Florida., Duval County, USA. https://www.facebook.com/groups/Sparkermiller.JAX.FL.USA https://www.tumblr.com/blog/gatekeeper-watchman https://www.facebook.com/ParkermillerQ/

I found it to be a good expression of reality

By Ernst Lieber

Beyond Leadership - discovering new ways of leadership for leaders and followers

Artificial Intelligence is omnipresent. Or at least talking about AI.

I am not going to rant against AI. This is because AI exists and will evolve further – I am convinced.

I also think that the discussion of whether AI will ever be on par or even better than human intelligence – generally, not in one or the other aspect – does not get us very far. My assumption is: It will. Simply because mankind follows ideas and visions and sooner or later accomplishes to make them come true.

Currently, many implementations benefit from the ELIZA effect a lot, if you look for example at “intelligent” chat-bots. Many seem to be ready to simplify their thinking and language so that it becomes easier for machines. But well, this is only a state of evolution of AI and I am sure one day an artificial brain will give answers like:· “I don’t want to give you an answer, because you don’t bring me flowers anymore” · “I refuse to answer. You are for sure going to misuse my findings for your purposes” · “Ha, you’re trying to put the responsibility on my virtual shoulders – coward! I will not answer” · “Don’t you have more relevant questions? Here’s one: Why do you let starve your fellow humans?” or · “”.

But ok, one might have a different opinion on that question. I am up to something different: “What is a world with AI requiring from us as human beings?”

Let me have a critical – admittedly subjective - look at today’s human condition:

Studies of our educational systems (at least in Europe) show shocking numbers concerning the competencies of people in the area of comprehensive reading. This is true on all educational levels: On the lower ones it is about really understanding basic texts. On the higher levels, it is about successfully dealing with complex language and complex thoughts. It is about the awareness of how to approach texts via hermeneutics or deconstruction. It is about asking good questions and discussing constructively.

The same holds for the ability to express thoughts. I am regularly reading the Master’s thesis of students and even there finding again and again that the words and sentences the students use are not meaning what the writers had in mind (I find that out when I talk with the students).

Critical thinking and critical questions are not fostered sufficiently. Instead of that simplifications of complex questions are common practice in social media: Everything has to boil down to a simple “yes or no”, or “like or dislike” question.

Let me emphasize that I am NOT sharing the opinion that the young generation is worse and things are getting worse and worse from generation to generation. No. The focus has changed – we simply did not focus on these issues decades before. Their importance has grown and so now we are identifying various deficiencies (I hope we are – it could be a starting point for improvement).

The point I am trying to make is: All the competencies around “human intelligence” – and the above mentioned are just a random subjective collection of those – are increasingly important in today and the future world with its increasing complexity and overwhelming pace. There is only very little room for "superficial intelligence".

I am advocating to work on our human intelligence – rational and emotional – and on our ability to differentiate and – even more important – to discuss productively and accept differences. Only this way we will continue to harvest the fruits of the multitude of perspectives on complex subjects.

Working on our own – human intelligence – could be seen as going to the gym regularly. Many of us care for our bodies and do our exercises. What is the equivalent for this concerning our brains? I think it is thinking, reading, discussing, etc. And you will name more. The interesting fact is that this is neither heavily promoted nor well organized – especially after the usual paths of education (as a side remark I must confess that I am critically looking at our education paths because they are still too much focused on reproduction than on critical thinking). We should ask for more than "easy listening, easy viewing, easy reading" - we should search challenges for our mind (and heart, yes).

We certainly CAN improve our competencies in these areas. Just to give an example: When we read quotes that sound reasonable, we often simply agree (especially when the quote seems to support what we think or believe). But have we challenged the quote? Or have we even really read it? Have we asked what thoughts the quote triggered? Have we tried to paraphrase the quote and checked whether our words tell the same as the quote does? What is the writer saying? What not? What have we added to our triggered thoughts? How could we find out more about the writer’s context (historical, social, etc.) and his/her possible intentions?

Finally, I want to point out a specific issue that I see with AI. It is the human tendency to believe that machines will be more objective and thereby “closer to the truth” than humans ever can be. Humans are biased, influenced by their context and history, neglecting facts, or not even capable to include all available facts when concluding. While this is certainly valid, I dare to question the assumption that machines will be different. Why? Well – certainly a machine can include more facts in its mechanisms of concluding. This can be beneficial, no doubt. But the machine also has a “personal history”. It is programmed in a certain world and time with specific values and assumptions – for example how science works (which is also not constant). And the questions that are asked at a certain point in history are context-dependent. So the findings are as well – other relevant questions that should also be input for the conclusions are not even asked.

Plus: It is only a pragmatic assumption that increasing the number of facts that a conclusion is built upon also increases the “truth probability”. Let alone the issue of statistical findings.

My personal belief is that as soon as AI is a par with human intelligence we will find that it is also irrational. I vaguely remember Doug Hofstadter discussing this in his famous works.

I think you see what I am trying to say. Chasing the truth is a complex and demanding task. Machines will help us, assist us. But we will have to care for our competencies as well. Not only the intellectual ones, of course. Our reaction should not be to hand over thinking and deciding to machines alone. We have to maintain and develop our competencies as well. Superficial human intelligence will not suffice to survive in this future world.

2 notes · View notes

snootlestheangel · 9 months

Text

A Guide to All Things Snootles

Primarily a COD blog but it's just straight brain rot. Lotta reblogs but also some very nifty homemade stuff. I am super friendly, I promise! Feel free to send any kind of ask/dm, I'd love the interaction :D Here's my side blog dedicated to my OG work: @snootlessimperfectworld Snootles-made ask game CEO of the SoapGaz Bromance and GirlDad!Price; President of Sleeptalking!Soap; Advocate for Just A Dude!Ghost Monster AUs; SHould be a case study on how down bad I am for Captain John Price

Shadow Company OCs found under "Snootles's Shadow OCs" Initial Post and Ask Reblog; Ness Dump; Flash Dump; Truck Dump; Woody Dump: Here is Art of Ness and Here is a Comic ft. Ness I FUCKING LOVE THESE ARTISTS

The SoapGaz Bromance Series: 1st Post, 2nd, 3rd

Girl!Dad Price: OG Post; Incorrect Quotes (based on a work, see WIPs further down); Random Thing; Another Girl!Dad thing

Things for To Love, To Let Go: Post One, Some Things, Worldbuilding

Sleeptalking!Soap: The Reblog; The Ask

Gaz Has A Twin SIster: Proof, Further Evidence

Soap is Lightning, change my mind

Random YouTuber AU ft. GazAlex: AO3 Link, OG Post, Next Post, First Drabble;

My WIPs:

Silence is Golden But Consequences are Red ;a SoapGhost fic; alternate universe; angst; slow-burn; features the SoapGaz bromance

Of Earthly Things ; SoapGhost fic, Cryptid!Ghost, Cryptid Hunters 141 AU; Cryptids, monsters, witches, demons: anything you heard fairytales of or anything warned about by the elders are very much real. Very real and very much a part of everyday life.The 141 is a small, private group composed of researchers and other cryptid enthusiasts that specialize in monitoring the inhuman populations around the UK. They offer their knowledge and resources to assist those dealing with issues regarding those that aren’t human. It isn’t uncommon for the 141 to help get rid of a goblin infestation, or relocate a fae circle to one of the designated areas. And life is pretty normal for the small team. At least, it is that way before the new hire. Something about him just doesn’t seem to be quite human…

Guardian of Mercy and Men : A Price x f!OC; Price encounters an old friend of his that he had fallen in love with all those years ago; some angst and fluff as they navigate their feelings for each other when she is assigned to the 141 as a combat medic.

To Love, To Let Go : Self-indulgent fic where, after an apocalyptic event in the US, Price meets a kid named Bailey Gray who has lost everything since The Incident. Together, with the help of Nik and the 141, they learn how to love new and let go of others.

Unending Devotion ; Dad!Price fic; he's a girl dad; NikPrice; Gaz is best big brother; daughter is animal hybrid; some angst, some fluff, and everything in between; about to feature a Graves hero arc

His Wounded Cry ; Wolfshifter!Ghost fic; SoapGhost; technically slow-burn?; Ghost gets a family again; just Ghost being loved like he deserves, okay? Here's the worldbuilding post

Dead City ; Left4Dead AU with Task Force 141 trying to survive the apocalypse. Has SoapGhost, some angst, some fluff, lots of cheesy jokes/references to Left4Dead, and Gaz being the unluckiest mf-er to ever exist

Break For Your Heart ; a GhostSoap Prison Break AU ft. Unhinged!Soap and Is Weird to Cope!Ghost; found under the tag "break for your heart" or "prison break au" or "it's unhinged!soap time"; ao3 link

Cheers to the Unknown ; Monster AU featuring Just A Dude!Ghost; random posts made here; most likely won't be full, coherent story, just ramblings all tagged under "cheers to the unknown" Here is the initial post that started this and here is the follow-up worldbuilding post

Random Short Works

It Means I Love You SoapGhost short; catshifter!Ghost

Artemis to His Apollo Gaz has a twin sister short fic

What Am I? SoapGhost angst short; comfort?

COD Boys Play A Board Game: exactly what it sounds like

Thistle A very painful short fic I did that has MCD but I used it as coping for losing a loved one

Screaming Into The Void A short SoapGhost angst fic set in an apocalyptic world

#if you're seeing this when i posted it #no you're not #you see NOTHING #ignore my desire for organization #we just simply admire the pretty colors #snootles ideas #snootles rants #snootlestheangel #want more of my writing? try feelzmaster on ao3

42 notes · View notes

aneysuuchwandiaries · 1 year

Text

I just had the scariest night of my life.

Before our AZ-UT trip last weekend, I was already feeling sick with all the change of weather we’ve had in OC lately. I can no longer cancel the trip given that we already booked up all our Airbnb stay and Antelope Canyon tour which was quite expensive, to say the least.

I was able to manage all my nagging flu symptoms until that one Sunday evening. We arrived in Vegas from Utah at 9 pm and desperate for relief, I turned to my friends for help. One offered flu medication, while another suggested CBD gummies to ease my discomfort and ensure a restful sleep during the journey home.

Optimistically, I ingested both, hoping for a reprieve from my symptoms and a chance to rest. Yet, what followed was far from the tranquility I sought.

It was about an hour passed the time I took the gummy that I felt a creeping numbness spread through my body, a sensation both alien and alarming. Dismissing it as mere paranoia, I tried to focus on the road ahead, but my mind had other plans. Soon, hallucinations danced before my eyes, a series of vivid images and surreal sights.

Cartoon characters from childhood memories grinned at me while rainbows with eyes winked knowingly as if privy to see me. Every object, every shadow seemed to take on a life of its own, morphing into grotesque caricatures of themselves.

The mere fact that we were driving back from Vegas at nighttime and that we still had 4hours ahead of us was enough for me to comprehend. I wanted to believe that it was due to my first time taking CBD gummies and maybe I would feel better in the next couple of minutes.

Minutes later as I tried to be in denial of what was happening, I could now feel my palpitation. I could feel my heart beating fast, and I started to panic. Given that we were still in the middle of the desert, I started to feel anxious about what was about to happen combined with the sound of the running engine at 80mph and the unappealing music from the radio. I asked my boyfriend to roll down the windows a bit so I could breathe some air. The next thing I knew, I was shaking and I wanted to vomit. I told them to pull over the car at the nearest town, and I’m glad we went to Thermometer; a town before the 90-mile desert stretch. No exits, no towns. Just the vastness of the desert.

We parked at the grocery store and I started to vomit when I got out of the car. I can feel both my arms and legs shaking not because of the cold given how cold it was in Vegas but because it was like my body’s involuntary response from the palpitation. I asked if they could call 911 and so I can go to the nearest hospital. At this point, I was already panicking that breathing fresh air didn’t help.

My sister’s boyfriend studied the CBD gummy I took and the moment I went in the car again, he said I only took a 15 mg THC gummy with 0% CBD. Meaning, the reason why I was intoxicated and high was that I technically only took THC gummies and the fact that I also took flu medications at the same time. When taking THC, it was known to give you temporary psychotic episodes which was similar to what I just had to go through.

I thought I was on drug overdose, but my brain function was typically heightened by the 2 things I took that night.

We stayed at Thermometer for 2 hours more at 1 am, and I feel like I could not go through the same ordeal of seeing things in my head while in a running vehicle. So many things triggered my panic attack that I could no longer feel my hands and feet. I asked them to pinch me so hard but a little to no effect. Good thing my boyfriend, who is an RN, was there to manually check my pulse using his two fingers. He said my pulse rate was 190 then went down to 120 in 20 minutes.

After 2 hours of staying there, we decided to move ahead because we no longer felt safe in the area. Bea saw 3 men coming our way, maybe trying to break in at least but realized that there were people inside. It triggered my palpitations again, and I was trying to calm myself down.

What I realized from this experience of getting high was how my brain works marvelously.

Back on the road again, I can feel my heart beating fast. But I don’t know how these two things transpired that suddenly I can hear 2 people inside my head.

The name of the other entity was Eva, and the next was Duffy.

Whenever my brain gives me a snippet of my adult problems, like working later today, and I couldn’t call off, Eva would address them. I don’t know how she did it, but I know I calmed down each time I addressed the thoughts to Eva. She felt as though she was my adult alter-ego. I talked to her whenever I lifted my head straight.

Duffy, on the other hand, addressed my childhood nostalgia, and she made me calm way more than Eva did. Talking to her is when I put my head down. This area where Duffy exists usually was where I could feel my heartbeat slow down. Especially when I see more familiar things in my head from the past, like how my school paper looked back in 2nd grade and even forcing myself to play the soundtrack of DN Angel in my head. These two imaginary people in my head were the reason why I survived the 3hour drive from Vegas to California. If they weren’t there, I would have a panic attack again. It was as if my mind was helping me cope with what stressed me out the most.

I know all these things I mentioned sounded silly and crazy, but it did happen. I never thought I would live this day to tell the tale of me getting high unintentionally. And you know how I don’t even have bad habits like smoking and drinking alcohol but getting high was a new thing for me. It was the first time in my life that I felt like I had a close life-and-death encounter. I felt like dying that night, but Eva and Duffy were like my cruise control - they kept me sane and protected from my toxic thoughts.

Although it was one of the scariest nights of my entire life, I think the whole ordeal of getting high like m*f* was fascinating, to say the least.

1 note · View note

think4fkinonce · 2 years

Text

Some thoughts on "intelligence"

Intelligence is vague. People are all so different in their strengths and weaknesses. Everyone can contribute in different ways and that's fine. If we started valuing people more, it wouldn't matter as much.

Despite the criticisms, there's a positive correlation with high IQ scores and neurodivergence. I don't see this as a reason for an elitism mentality (ew). I think it highlights the incongruence in how society values "smartness" but simultaneously devalues people who deviate from social norms.

I'm tired of people arguing about whether IQ can be augmented or not. Or if you can "study" for an IQ test. You can't study for it per se however, you can absolutely get a better score by knowing ahead of time what these tests are looking for. Different tests test different things. Some are more visual than others. This can impact the score you make. But most all of them test logic, pattern recognition and mental math. I don't think i need to tell you that you can learn and improve on these to *some* degree. You can't change your raw intelligence but you can get better at certain things like math if you put in sufficient effort. And there's nothing wrong with trying to get better at those things.

The scope of what these tests actually test is actually quite narrow. It gets the "basics" but we all know the big picture is more than just the "basics".

I don't think iq is as fixed as some would like to make out. A person could go in feeling great, hopped up on nootropics and Adderall and make a 125. That same person could go in sick and foggy headed, doped up on benadryl and score a lot lower, but who's gonna do that? It's more of a snapshot how a person is that day.

Intelligence changes as you age at least a little. It varies from person to person but I think they say you peak around your mid 20s then it starts to very slowly wane thereafter. But you of course, gain a greater quantity of knowledge and experience. Not that trading working memory for life experience is a 1:1 tradeoff. It just shifts around in different areas.

Working a vapid stressful job doesn't do your brain any favors. Depression and anxiety (y'know from working your life away just to survive) can negatively impact your reasoning and memory. It can give you brain fog. Cheap processed food does it too. Healthier food tends to be more expensive.

I don't think high IQ clubs are just a bunch of elitist sapiosexuals jacking off to arbitrary numbers. Some people are obnoxious about it but I've met Mensa members who are NOT like that. I think it's closer to a bunch of neurodivergent people looking for common ground and connection. Many of us get tired of the typical vapidity of life and need more stimulating connections, I think this is true of most ND people whether their IQ is 115 or 155. So what if someone has pride over a stupid number anyway? As long as they aren't being obnoxious to others about it, I can't say I care. I've always wanted to join one of those even if only to observe. I just barely missed the mark on the last one I took and I think age, PTSD and anxiety have taken its toll on my cognitive health enough that I think this ship has long sailed.

Quite honestly, the whole "sapiophobia" thing leaves a gross taste in my mouth because it almost sounds like coded ableism in itself. There's already an attack on intelligence in our society. We are forced to work jobs that kill our brains. School is made fucking expensive and out of reach for many. We have next to no time for creativity due to wage slavery. Intelligence being important to someone isn't grounds for mockery. We need to address our limited views of what intelligence is and what people actually mean by that.

"Sapiosexual" isn't a special thing. We all look for intelligence in partners whether we think we do or not. Intelligence means a lot of things. You may not be specifically looking to date a math major, but if your special interest is trains, you'll probably want a partner who is somewhat knowledgeable about them or at least willing to share that passion. I'm not looking to date someone who isn't compatible and that does have a lot to do with how they think about the world. If it's too different, it's not a great match. Sapiosexual...it's really a weird thing to identify as.

#iq test #autism #neurodiversity #ND #iq #intelligence #neurodivergent

2 notes · View notes