Every now and then..

Despite my busy schedule and the hectic work life here, I still remember you every now and then. Or is it just me missing my childhood as a whole? A part of me somehow misses you less as the world slowly returns to normal, but I still keep you in my thoughts.

Vice President

I'll make this short:

They have offered me this position, or should I say, he has offered me the position of becoming his VP. I feel truly honored to be considered for this role, but I don't know what to make of it. I am not even sure if I truly deserve to be in that position. He wants me to oversee all 7 companies while he focuses on his business in the Philippines. The offer is enticing. He asked me what my dream car is, and he knows I have always wanted a Benz. I will be receiving the average monthly salary of an RN. I am not sure if that is right, but I guess I will have to think about it very carefully.

Do I have to reconsider the monetary value of it to me? A great career opportunity for me perhaps?

Or I focus on my quality of life once I accept the role?

Falling in love can indeed feel like a conscious decision at times. It's like navigating through a spectrum of emotions, where we have the power to choose whether to delve deeper or keep things surface-level. Perhaps it is a blend of admiration and curiosity, tinged with the apprehension of making it real at the same time.

Vague, I know. Let’s keep it that way.

I remember now

While I was watching Fruits Basket last Saturday, a flood of memories rushed in my core memories. It's like unlocking that grand sense of nostalgia, and with each episode, I remember more vividly why I was once tagged as "Miss Mukatawa" or "Miss Smiling Face" during my second year in high school.

Back in 2009, I watched the 2001 version of Fruits Basket, and little did I know then that it would leave such a lasting impression on me. The character of Tohru Honda, the series' protagonist, resonated with me deeply growing up. Tohru's infectious aura and unwavering positivity, even in the face of adversity, mirrored traits I strived to embody.

Reflecting on those days, I realize that I was indeed that person – the one others turned to for advice and comfort during difficult times. Even today as an adult, I come across people who would seek me out for these sole purpose. I got that inspiration from Tohru's character.

Going back in my middle school years, I was bullied in 6th grade because I had a big forehead and I tend to overreact. Girls from my class would intentionally speak ill about me right into my face and would try to embarrass me in front of the whole class. Even my English teacher, who until now I cannot forget, would intentionally try to make me feel like I'm that stupid girl who cannot even answer what the word "humble" meant. I lost my best friend since 1st grade from that point on and everyone turned their back against me - leaving me with no one but myself to rely on. I’m an introvert even to this day and I believed bullying was the main cause of that.

My early high school years weren't my proudest of years. I made mistakes, stumbled, and sometimes fell short of my own expectations. I got associated with the wrong sort and often left this impression of a "play girl" from those who didn't know me well. I thought I was not meant to meet people who had good intentions and friends would leave me at the end of the day.

Yet, it was during this time that I forged lasting friendships and experienced my first love. These pivotal relationships helped me grow and redeem myself in ways I couldn't have imagined. At eighteen, I thought I had life figured out, believing I knew what was best for me and those around me when, in reality, we're just beginning to navigate life's complexities.

A decade later, with the wisdom and perspective that only time can offer, I see things differently. I realize the decisions I made back then, though not always perfect, were part of my journey and shaped the person I am today. Perhaps if I could go back in time, armed with the knowledge I possess now, I might make different choices. But then again, maybe not. Some paths are meant to be walked, mistakes and all, for they lead us to where we are meant to be.

In revisiting Fruits Basket, I not only reconnect with the series that once became an inspiration for me but also with a part of myself – the "Miss Mukatawa" persona I once embodied. I wonder where that part of me is at right now. I think adulthood sucked that energy from me and left me with nothing to bear. Piece by piece it's starting to make sense, but all I can do for now is reminisce all the good things that happened then. I'll always cherish those memories and I would like to read this entry again with a positive heart. I wonder if I will still remember by then.

Leadership Lessons from Game of Thrones: The Importance of Decisiveness

One of the most compelling aspects of Game of Thrones is its portrayal of the consequences of indecision. Characters who second-guess themselves often find themselves betrayed, undermined, or ultimately defeated. The show teaches us that in positions of power, uncertainty can be fatal. When leaders appear unsure of their decisions, they lose the trust and respect of their followers, leaving them vulnerable to rebellion.

I think all the learnings I've seen from GoT is worth pondering as a leader and as a follower as well.

Idk.

Really, idk.

Do you ever find yourself trapped in the labyrinth of your own memories, wandering down the what-ifs of the past, despite knowing well that those chapters have long been closed? The way we keep revisiting moments, people, and emotions that have ceased to exist in the present. Yet, there we are, like moths drawn to a flickering flame, unable to resist the pull of nostalgia.

I've often pondered over the incessant need to peek at the long bygones, as if the ghosts of my past still linger, waiting to be acknowledged. It's a bittersweet memory, one that leaves me questioning why I subject myself to such emotional turmoil time and time again.

Perhaps it's the human condition, this innate desire to reminisce and romanticize moments that once held significance in our lives. Or maybe it's the lingering hope that by revisiting the past, we can somehow rewrite the narrative, mend broken bonds, or find closure where it eluded us before.

But the truth, harsh as it may be, is that the past is just that – past. Those people we once held dear, those moments we cherished, they exist now only in the recesses of memory. And yet, despite knowing this, we find ourselves unable to let go, clinging to fragments of the past like shipwreck survivors clinging to driftwood in a vast ocean.

It's a peculiar blend of blessing and curse for me, this sentimentality that courses through our veins. On one hand, it allows us to cherish the beauty of bygone days, to hold onto memories that have shaped us into who we are. But on the other hand, it binds us to a perpetual cycle of longing and regret, trapping us in a perpetual state of what-ifs and could-have-beens.

I wish I possessed the power to simply switch off that part of my mind, to erase that unwanted part of the past and start anew with a clean slate. Maybe it feels liberating to break free from that tormenting limbo of nostalgia, to live fully in the present without being haunted by my past of what once was.

As I journey forward, may I carry with me the wisdom I gained from those momentary lapses, but never allow it to weigh us down or hold us back. For in the end, it is not the ghosts of our past that define us, but the courage and resilience with which we face the unknown future.

Why Thursdays are my time machine to 2011

There's something special about Thursdays. While many see it as just another day leading up to the weekend, for me, it's a portal to the past. It's the day when I can indulge in a little nostalgia trip through my high school Spotify playlist.

As I hit play and let the familiar tunes wash over me, I'm transported back to 2011, a time when life seemed simpler, and every moment was tinged with excitement and possibility. The songs on this playlist are more than just music; they're the soundtrack to my teenage years, filled with laughter, friendship, and young love.

Listening to these songs, I can't help but smile as memories come flooding back. I remember hanging out in Jenicole, eating our favorite chocolate moist cake, watching Thursday night's movie at home with friends while doing our Physics project, our Saturday NSTP clean-up drive, and the refreshments of ice buko in the canteen. And of course, there are the moments spent with that special someone, feeling butterflies in my stomach and believing that anything was possible.

But as much as I cherish these memories, there's a bittersweetness to them now. They serve as a reminder of a time that has passed, never to return. As I navigate the responsibilities and challenges of adulthood, those carefree days feel like a distant dream, preserved only in my mind and in the melodies of my playlist.

Yet, there's comfort in knowing that I can revisit those moments whenever I choose. On Thursdays, I carve out time to immerse myself in the nostalgia, to relive the highs and lows of my youth through the songs that defined it. It's a reminder that no matter how far I stray from those days, they will always be a part of me, shaping who I am and guiding me forward.

So here's to Thursdays, the day I set aside to reminisce about my past and embrace the memories that still bring a smile to my face. And though I may be a world away from 2011, even thousands of miles away from my hometown, the music remains a constant companion, reminding me of the younger me and the joy my past brought to me.

PH Healthcare workers in the States and realizations

Stepping out of my comfort zone for nine years was undoubtedly one of the most transformative decisions of my life. Little did I know then, that this leap would lead me on a path filled with enriching encounters within the healthcare industry. Every day, I engage with a diverse array of individuals, each with their own unique stories and experiences, and it has been nothing short of a breath of fresh air.

One such individual who has left a lasting impression on me is our 78-year-old admitting nurse. Despite her age, her spirit remains vibrant, and her journey is nothing short of inspiring. A Doctor of Medicine graduate from UP Diliman, she shared with me her remarkable past as a pediatrician in PGI and as a professor teaching Pediatrics at UP Diliman College of Medicine. However, in pursuit of better opportunities, she made the bold decision to relocate to the United States. Here, she reinvented herself as a Registered Nurse, accumulating two decades of invaluable experience along the way. Her story serves as a poignant reminder of the vast opportunities available to healthcare professionals in this country, opportunities that often surpass those in our homeland.

Equally striking is the story of our Director of Patient Care Services at Western Hospice, a distinguished dentist who once ran her own practice in Paranaque. Despite her success in the Philippines, she chose to leave it all behind to pursue her dreams in the United States. Her courage and determination are a testament to the universal truth that being a doctor is not merely a profession but a calling—one that transcends borders and challenges us to constantly seek growth and fulfillment.

Reflecting on these encounters, I am filled with a sense of pride and admiration for my colleagues who have fearlessly pursued their dreams. Their resilience in the face of uncertainty serves as a constant source of inspiration for me. Moreover, their stories underscore the importance of embracing change and stepping out of our comfort zones—a notion that has guided my own journey in the healthcare industry.

As I continue to navigate this dynamic and ever-evolving field, I am grateful for the invaluable lessons I have learned from those around me. Each interaction, each experience has broadened my perspective and enriched my understanding of what it means to truly make a difference in the lives of others.

It comes with the job.

Accepting my current role as the OM for home health invokes dealing with the hardest and the most uncomfortable conversations. It drains so much of my energy. It's literally affecting my mental health, and I think I need to practice how to deal with it more and learn to separate work from personal.

I'm starting to wonder whether I am called for this profession or not. I hate it. But at the same time, I should learn to be grateful for opportunities - big or small. I have to remind myself that this job entails a lot of hardships and ups and downs. It will never be like laying on a bed of roses. It is not an easy job.

But I know I will learn to get by.

Small joys!

As one grows older, we begin to realize how much the small things in life matter. When I'm at work, listening to the soundtrack of School Rumble gives me a boost of energy to power through my day. Sometimes, I find myself reminiscing about the good old days, and I can only look back on those small joys.

Partly right.

It's lonely up here. People will disagree and not like you for your decisions and the way you manage things around.

That's okay. But it definitely is lonely to be part of the management group.

Winter

"Under the celestial tapestry of the night sky, we are all but stardust dreamers, weaving our wishes into constellations."

Time travel

It's truly fascinating how photos from the past can transport me back in time and makes me feel as if I'm reliving those moments all over again.

It was this sense of longing and nostalgia all of a sudden that I felt for the people and experiences that I once cherished while I'm with them. Seeing those genuine snippets of the friends I once had and that special person who holds a special place in my heart to this day is still vivid - it is as though that momentary happiness only happened yesterday. Even though we both have gone on to lead separate lives, I think this innate sense of excitement whenever I revisit those moments from the past when we were both young and carefree is what truly makes me giddy.

It's safe to say that those momentary moments spent with them and that particular person from high school were some of the best memories I've ever had. Those memories I can truly appreciate and remember will remind me of the wonderful things life has to offer me in return. Frankly speaking, adulthood evokes us to be sentimental fools, and I can't help but laugh about how an idiot like me, despite being thousands and miles away, could still remember these things from my hometown.

I think I will always leave my heart there.

The Pleiades

It was a serene and quiet night when I took Coco for a walk outside our apartment complex. Thank God I lived in Foothill Ranch so I can at least be closer to nature even though I still live in a city. As I looked up at the night sky, a familiar constellation caught my eye.

It was the rosary-like constellation visible in the northern direction to where I was standing, and it immediately stirred up feelings of nostalgia and longing within me. I couldn't help but gaze at it for a moment, reminiscing about the time I walked down the streets of Malita, basking in the same cluster of stars sometime 14 years ago.

The fact that the constellation was visible to me, despite being 7,000 miles away, was truly remarkable. It made me realize that the night sky is something that connects us all, even when we're so far apart. Looking up at the same stars and constellations, no matter where I am in the world, is a comforting thought. It reminds me of our place in the universe and how small I am in comparison to its vastness. The notion that the constellation might be thousands or even millions of light years away is mind-boggling. Yet, it still shines bright and evokes a sense of awe and wonder within me.

Moments like these make me appreciate the beauty and grandeur of the universe we live in. Meanwhile, I had to spend about 30 minutes out because it was freezing. I wish it's summertime again.

Connections

At this point in time, I can always vouch for the fact that you can never ever force connections with people. May it be connections at work, the colleagues you never get along with no matter how hard you try, or even the friends you have. Despite your efforts to make it work, you can never force a relationship if the other person doesn't feel the same way.

It's just the way of life for me. Me and my unlucky chances of having good friends in this lifetime is probably one of the rarest things I can ever attain. Is there something wrong with me?

It's 3:34 am and I find myself unable to sleep. Thanksgiving is just around the corner, but lately, I have been preoccupied with thoughts about work and my personal life. My mind is filled with so many thoughts that it has caused me to develop a headache.

I wish I could go back to the past when I was genuinely happy. Though life was a struggle, I was happy then. Please don't get me wrong, I am grateful for everything that life has to offer and the way God has arranged things for me. However, I can't help but feel that the happiness I seek is the kind of happiness that comes with living in the province, away from the noise and chaos of the city. I will try to close my eyes again and imagine those moments so I can fall asleep again.

Tired of shit

The feeling of being unreciprocated is becoming annoying. It's as if my existence only matters when people need something from me. Whether a listening ear, just someone to vent to, or financial assistance (which I don't have the luxury for the latter) I'm always there for them. However, when I need someone to be there for me, I'm left alone.

It's disheartening to feel like just a tool for people's convenience. I have never preferred one-sided relationships, but I still support them when they need me. It's a double-edged sword that often leaves me feeling drained. People often misunderstand my intentions, and it's frustrating to feel like I'm not appreciated for the good I do. For instance, I recommended two of my colleagues to work in the office, and they were hired because of my recommendation. However, they betrayed me, leaving me feeling hurt and disappointed.

A friend, no, a very close friend of mine called me a week ago only to tell me that his significant other told him to call me because I'm the only constant person in his life - his college barkada dismissed him in a way, not sure about that. But he was nowhere to be heard nor seen when I called him because I needed someone I could talk to.

It's hard to find good friends, and I feel like my unlucky chance always leads me to the wrong ones. At this point, I'm slowly becoming desensitized to this feeling to the point where I don't give a shit anymore. I'm tired of this shit. If I do not respond to you totally, I'm at a point where I don't care whether you stay in my life or not.

The only person I can count on at the end of the day is Dennison. As we grow older, we lose friends, and it's probably why most of the happy relationships don't have any good friends on the side. Now I understand all the married couples losing friends because, at the end of the day, it's going to be your partner who will be there for you.

I'm so done.