#this is stimulation of sorts
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choreman is the beautiful love story between two men who are so deeply morally fucked and repressed and who have been through hell together but who are still both. at their core. deeply boring and uninteresting people. their ideal date is going out to a nice restaurant together and sharing a bottle of wine. they go home every night to a picture perfect apartment that they clean together every sunday afternoon and read medical journals next to each other on the couch. they play video games together on the weekends semi-regularly and it’s the closest either of them ever get to having a hobby. on special occasions chase gets foreman a new tie and foreman gets chase a new cologne and then they have sex in missionary and fall asleep at a reasonable hour.
#they yearn to be normal and they could achieve normalcy in each other#i mean. theyre both fucked in the head so theyd definitelh both WANT to have crazy kinky sex together#and do exciting things#but i think what theyd most value in each other#is that they understand each other’s desire to just be regular and boring#and to be at peace with each other#they both have stressful jobs they dont need that sort of constant excitement/stimulation in their personal life#choreman#robert chase#eric foreman#house md
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i need a griddlehark roadtrip type au but they would kill each other chapter one i fear
#tlt#griddlehark#like two feral cats in a taped up box#shoutout 2 the bumbleby roadtrip au i read it was nice and they went 2 walmart it was just a Little too fast paced 4 me i need sckl type of#slow burn. ALSO shout out 2 the griddlehark au where they commute an hour to and from college that has sort of the vibes i'm looking 4#maybe i'll draw it myself. ough#i need help stimulating the brainworms tho :pensive: and i don't have anyone 2 do that with. maybe if i think hard enough i can do it#sap says
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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what do you think about hikaru being unemployed, though? 👀
that's just what it's like being an adult with executive dysfunction
... but on a more serious note, I do like that Hikaru's ch.12 epilogue has her go "I've gotta get into university right out of high school; if I take a gap year I know I'm never gonna be able to push myself to work again". It's like that post that said "having ADHD is like being a shark, if you stop moving you straight-up die", haha.
She still needs to find ways to manage her underlying problem, but at least she's got a better grasp on how her brain works now. She knows that she has to ride her productivity as far as she can take it; she can't take long breaks in the middle or what little motivation she can muster will completely fizzle out. Having to stay constantly on the go isn't sustainable in the long run, of course, but learning this about herself is a step towards figuring out healthier coping mechanisms!
#hikaru being 28 and constantly telling herself ''i'll go job-hunting tomorrow'' is so real that it hurts#i sort of wonder if she'd benefit from stimulants but i know those don't work for everyone#but finding good strategies for working with your brain's limitations instead of fighting against it can be extremely helpful#magia record#kirari hikaru#asks
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Jeddy - James comes home after graduating from Hogwarts. For @phoebe-delia who is always willing to listen to my writing woes and help me shake some ideas out of the annoying mass I call my brain.
So I have two ideas of how this would go. The first one:
Teddy is an auror, or maybe a field healer who works with the aurors/curse breakers/unspeakables.
Teddy and James got together over Christmas break in Jamie’s 7th year. Not sure on the details, but obviously James has to finish school and Teddy’s schedule doesn’t always line up with Hogsmeade weekends so they’re limited to writing letters.
And Teddy is meant to be at James’ graduation but he gets called out on a mission that goes longer than planned and doesn’t make it back. And James obviously understands, Teddy’s been doing this job for a few years and James knew what he was getting into. But he can’t deny being a bit devastated to not have his boyfriend there to see him graduate
We don’t really have much info on how hogwarts graduation works, so in my mind it’s like my own high school experience - graduation happens about a week before all the other years break up. And as part of that, the 7th years travel home on the Hogwarts Express the day after graduation, just their year, as a final rite of passage. Even though they’re legal adults by now and most of them have their apparition license
And so Jamie rides back on the train, expecting to be picked up by his parents, and probably the entire Weasley family that isn’t still stuck at Hogwarts
But instead there’s Teddy, still a bit grimy and frazzled from the field, and James fucking launches himself across the platform. Feet barely hit the ground
And it’s that jump, catch, spin moment from all the cheesy rom coms, and even though he denies it later Jamie definitely cries, Teddy doesn’t even try to deny it. And they don’t really have a reason to be so emotional - it was one day longer than they’d expected to be apart. But they’re both home and James is going to move in with Teddy (don’t tell his parents, they don’t know yet) and they’re young and a little bit stupid still but a lot in love.
But I also had another idea because I got struck by the idea of librarian Teddy. In big glasses and chunky knits and permanent ink stains on his fingers:
James has been outwardly flirting since he was about 15 but “you’re underage, Jamie, and I’m practically your teacher”
And James turns 17 and argues that Teddy is not an actual professor, just a “stuffy librarian” - a phrase that gets him ignored for a few days until he produces an unholy amount of Teddy’s favourite chocolate and a completely overboard apology
But Teddy stands his ground and is annoyingly un-flusterable
At their wedding Teddy finally admits to casting a lot of wordless cooling charms whenever Jamie entered the library to try and stop himself from flushing
And to be honest James does understand and respect Teddy’s boundaries - and Teddy knows he does - but it becomes a bit of a game to try and rile Teddy up
Cut to Jamie’s graduation. As mentioned above I think the 7th years would take the train back, but it would be the day after because it takes so long. So James is just like, hanging out in the common room or something the evening after graduation, probably planning to sneak out to the party that the professors definitely don’t know is happening (even though it’s happened every year for at least a hundred years…) and a little first or second year pops up “Mr Lupin says you’re needed in the library now”
And James hopes of course, but you never really know with Teddy. It’s just as likely James still has a book out that he’s forgotten to return
But as he opens the doors to the library a hand reaches out and yanks him inside. He can’t even fully see Teddy, what with there being no light apart from a few flickering candles, but he hears a rough “you’re not a student anymore” before he his pushed up against the door and kissed within an inch of his life.
I’d like to think that James becomes a professor, or an auror who does regular lectures or something, and that he continues to visit Teddy in the library and try to get him flustered
Don’t tell anyone, but it’s usually James that ends up flustered, when he walks in and teddy is talking to some students, his hair all ruffled from absent-minded hands and a smudge of ink on his cheek and his eyes alight with enthusiasm as he imparts knowledge about some niche topic or other.
James definitely makes use of the cooling charm trick.
If you want rambling dot points with my headcanons, send me a character/pairing and a situation/theme and I’ll do my best to answer it in a vaguely timely manner!
#my writing#kind of#my rambling headcanons#my brain can produce that but not sort it into an actual plot line#send me characters and scenarios to stimulate my writing brain
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fuck my (baka) life
#im keeping up well on quitting other things#but alcohol is just. really hard#I'm not really in the physically dependent sort of thing. but emotionally i really want/need it very VERY often#like right fucking now!!!!!#doesnt help that there's basically fuck all to motivate me in the moment to NOT drink#I'm on my meds right now which is one of those 'dont mix' types. but because it gets both working more#so drunker easier and faster. and the stimulants the same#so then part of my mind is 'well easy drunk so hell yeah' but it's obviously VERY bad for my health to do that#but man. fuck me#fuck my shit up#fuck my life#AaaaaAAAAAA
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unfortunately i dont believe stimuwrite is working for me
#shame u_u ah well it was worth a shot#remember how i literally cant do anything else when watching the beating u unconscious asmr#becos like. idk it literally grabs hold of my attention i think its too stimulating#the soundscape. is doing that to me#i know its like Then just turn it off?????#but then its basically a normal word processor. at which point that is also not working clearly LMAO#its also very likely that this is not and has never been a stimulation issue#there is some sort of other mental blockage going on <-fear#i say its not working. actually im doing the thing of having it open and then doing everything in my power to avoid actually starting#its possible (unlikely) that ... maybe if i actually start. typing dfhgsdfb gvdfg
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guys i made a post on facebook today for the first time in 5 years BYLER NEEDS TO COME BACK THAT IS DEEP CRISIS LEVEL BEHAVIOR
#byler#no im not okay thanks for asking#i am resorting to all sorts of bad choices for some sort of mental stimulation
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mornim
#so tired#gonna run thru that penacony story asap 💪#or maybe just sort out that new stimulated universe event (?) i can't really tell where the event is#posts.nae#im so eepyyyy aaaa
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Bart was raised by a video game.
Kon was raised by TV.
Thad was raised by a computer.
And that's the problem with each of them.
#comicsposting again#BA: fastest attitude alive#KE: all I got is who I am#TT: sort of like twins#(not that Kon was literally raised by TV in the same way the other two were by VR / an AI...#...but a LOT of his implanted memories seem to be of TV/movies so that's where his understanding of the world comes from)#the Weird Upbringing Boys#this is why they each have the (lack of) social skills that they do#Bart's off in his own world and requires constant stimulation#Kon needs to be the center of attention at all times and doesn't understand what healthy relationships look like#and Thad is detached and calculating and fails to consider the human/emotional factor
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Getting a good hit of indica that’s a little stronger than vapes I had last time after I ran out of my indica is Hallelujah Praise The LORD and that kid with ADHD
#…#I need indica or antipsychotics both to function. an upper and a downer of some sorts. stimulate then depress. over and over again. daily.#TBH one of the dreams/goals that I still haven’t let myself let go of despite knowing the stats and likelihoods of the outcomes….#well anyway one of those dreams is to somehow fix this. to meet a doctor who has a treatment plan or life change idea that works on the drug#dependency / the ‘maybe’ acquired brain injury issues.#the ‘is this idiopathic narcolepsy or is this ABI from drs or would you consider this probable narcolepsy from ABI from drs or?’ issues.#the ‘it’s harder to put together a clear understanding of your health overall’ comments followed by silence bc they don’t need to say it lol#it’s hard because no one has known what my health ‘should’ be like. know one has any labs without me on psychotropic medication combos.#they have partial proof from brain scans for the conclusion that my brain was just .fried to deal with me/make me easy and good. didn’t work#and they don’t even need proof to know that medication combos in their own profession shouldn’t be used together or are only used together#in extreme cases with no options left that they immediately fucking jumped into and were lucky I didn’t DIE so many times but fuck yeah#now my brain hurts and I’m not how I was beforehand but don’t rlly know why or how to express it#and I feel alone there and then I have bitch ass doctors telling me to Just Stop The Meds For A Fee Weeks :-)! …..Dr u have no idea huh do u#a few weeks? give me 3 days before I’m having a psychotic episode that’s severe enough to warrant police arrest or 911 called for me.#that’s thousands of dollars in a legal psychiatric hold. and that’s if someone catches the signs on time before I potentially harm myself or#like yeah no I’m sorry doc but i can’t just Simply Stop or Substitute anti-anxiety drugs when I’ve had them holding me together b4 puberty.#anyway I’m still. hoping I’ll find some info somewhere or stories and people like me who figured something out or anything idk#because my medical testing is interfered by medications that I cannot stop taking (mainly benzodiazepines) without losing my mind now. bad.
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Wowzas, it's Kasperbot!! He is real!!
#wtnv#welcome to night vale#wtnv 158#kasper rhodes#kasper rhodes wtnv#gart#To me he. stuck various thin metal scraps into his head to stimulate antennae!#not to mention he also. sharpened his mouth a bit#anyways if he didn't die i feel like half the time he'd just be doing his own thing#and the other half he'd be doing his job#but in such a way that there are just. multiple shallow pits in the sandwastes#he is compelled to sweep the sand up by sort of. digging w his broom#not to mention how he'll just randomly zone out sometimes#anyways so sorry for my kasperbot lore and i hope you all enjoy!#Yippee!!
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anyone else keep slipping back into bad habits and unhealthy coping mechanisms not because you can't do better or you don't have the skills or motivation to stick to a better lifestyle but because the vibe of your life just feels wrong if you try to be like, healthy
#this was the hardest thing about quitting smoking to be its just a loss of so many vibes that i enjoy. like obviously i was#psychologically and physiologically addicted to nicotine so it wasnt vibes but like i think the sort of#loss of the feelings in my life that smoking caused and the vibe of being a smoker was much hardeer to cope with than like#nicotine cravings or whatever#its kind of interesting bc a lot of this stuff i KNOW it makes me feel worse and i know its not good for me and i dont particularly WANT#to be doing it but also i do want to be doing it bc it gives me something i just cant get otherwise. and like#the experience of being a healthy good person isn't the same. it doesnt feel as interesting#its less novel and less stimulating yk#ugh its all the adhd isnt it
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Something about a hair bit too much caffeine + my adhd meds makes me feel nearly as out of control as I am when I'm drunk, but more productive. Will I interrogate how I often feel like my best self when I'm a little out of control, and will I make better choices in this regard? Not this week!
#this isn't an alcohol thing btw I Reckoned With That A Few Years Ago#stimulants certainly are A Thing though. i just feel so much happier when my brain has that boost in focus#and then coffee buzziness is just fun even on a bad day#the combo makes me feel more social and aso capable of nearly anything#(within reason - not in like a manic episode sort of way; think a Frat Boy's Overblown Self Confidence in myself)#idk dude i'm probably thinking about this a little TOO deeply#but im so bad about getting fixated on the good feelings some substances give me and i know addiction (mostly to alcohol) runs in the famil#i get worried about anything i like too intensely. especially when it affects my functioning in good or bad ways#most likely im needlessly pathologizing something but if im not doing that then im most likely dead. so!#ann with an ie
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