Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

i am at the point where if i dont finish now i'll newer finish so yeah the rest of the gaaaaaang

I can't stop thinking about FNAF: The Movie

i will not mianitepost in 2023. therefore i am allowed to mianitepost in 2024.

i would leave design notes but im not that person anymore and no one reads them also fuck you

i was originally going to do another pass at this where i edited out more of the loud ass dw music bleeding through but i think if i get hung up on that i will never post this so here it is...my amy and 11 sick and twisted codependent relationship thesis in AMV form. the girls who get it get it

song is i wanna be adored by the stone roses <3

happy [late] valentines day!

coming right at ya w/ some Lumini

(this took way more days then it was supposed to ._.')

these might be the cutest towas ever. sorry i don’t make the rules.

"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

rereading pandora hearts music inspo [ID: Vincent gently hugs Gilbert, one hand on his back and the other on Gil's head. Gil is embarrassed and a bit sad, Vincent has a warm smile. Everything is in warm yellow and dark blue tones, there are few warm yellow stars. End ID]

We finally have them all 🥹🤲

Original pics on Kuroshitsuji's official twitter account

now that im checking up my sketchbook, i might as well share these things

scugs

BTS Memories 2016: Making of Blood Sweat & Tears MV Yoonmin Being Yoonmin (feat. 2seok dissociation)

Best flavor of Lawlusan: Law and Sanji having a conversation about Luffy that keeps tipping back and forth between “He’s so reckless and stupid sometimes it literally makes me want to tear my hair out WHY is he like this why does he never listen I cannot STAND him” and “God I love him so fucking much. He saved me. He saved me and he’d do it again and again if he had to and I still can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have him. And to have YOU”

James: I love you

Reg: oh finally, I was wondering when you'd get up the nerve to say it

James: what???

Reg: I heard you practicing in the shower like a week ago

James: and that didn't freak you out!? It's not too soon for me to say it?

Reg: no, cheri, I've loved you since the moment you smiled at me.

James: aww

Reg: and that was with no rehearsal

James: you little-

2nd year sumi laying down the law

You can call me 'your muse' only so many times without getting your face smooched off