#this is a vent I guess but whatever I’m just pissed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rashoumon-homo · 14 days

Text

Rant ahead, prolly gonna delete later

TW: gender dysphoria, fetishization of trans men in fanfiction

Idk if it’s just me but I’m a trans guy who typically won’t touch “trans male [character]” smut fics with a ten foot pole. I’ve found a handful that are respectfully written, but for the most part they make me feel so fucking uncomfortable. It’s like the (non-trans) writers don’t see trans men as real men. There’s frequent untagged feminization, excessively feminine terms, and an alarming number of pregnancy fics. I get that some people like these things, and I respect that, but that’s pretty much ALL that’s out there. It’s like they want to write for a m/m ship but only want to write m/f smut, so they slap “trans” on there. It’s so blatantly obvious that the majority of these writers have never done a drop of research on what it means to be trans masc, much less MET a trans masc person irl.

Not only that, complaining about it makes YOU the bad guy. I made a post on the AO3 subreddit back when I first joined it (aka before I knew better) just kind of venting about the way trans characters are written in fics. I was a lot more gentle and understanding about it than I’m being here btw. And instantly the post got flooded with comments saying that “just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean other people don’t.” Or “my roommate’s boyfriend’s brother is trans and he doesn’t care about that stuff.” Or that people are free to write whatever they want and if I don’t like it I shouldn’t be reading it. (My favorite one was “I’m cis but I don’t see an issue”) I ended up deleting the post.

Back in February there was this fic I read that did all that same shit and it pissed me off. Untagged feminization, afab language, the whole shebang. And I KNOW that author wouldn’t have treated the character that way if they were writing a cis man. For legal reasons, this comment was not written by me, but it was deleted by the author right away with no response.

I blocked them and moved on.

I guess what brought all these emotions back was a post I saw where someone was complaining about other cultures being written in an accidentally offensive way in fics. The same people who tore down my post (and others like it) were suddenly all into the idea of respecting the cultures you write, doing research on them, etc. How is trans culture any different? Why is it “um actually some trans guys like being feminized” but then “these cultural stereotypes are offensive and the author should do better?”

Not too long ago, I decided to start writing trans characters in fics. It was really tough for me, since I had to battle a lot of my own dysphoria, but I felt like it was worth it if it meant there was just one more fic out there to make trans people feel seen and respected. Being seen as a real man and being trans should not be mutually exclusive. It’s possible to be both. And it’s painfully obvious when the writer doesn’t see it like that.

If you’re trans and you feel the same way about all this, lmk. Sometimes I feel like I really am the unreasonable one and that I’m all alone here and it really fucks with my head.

And if you’re cis and wanting to write trans characters, I implore you to learn about us first. Trans people are not a shortcut to writing m/f smut. They have their own unique experience of the world that needs to be taken into account if you’re going to write them respectfully. Listen to trans voices. Please.

#rant #trans character #trans #transmasc #fanfic rant #gender dysphoria #tw dysphoria #transgender #trans man #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd fics #ao3 subreddit

20 notes · View notes

gojoandtojisleftnut · 2 years

Text

𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

Chapter 4: Babysitting

Pairings: Toji Fushiguro x female reader

Genre: slow burn

A/n and possible tw: not proofread. This took longer to upload, I was in Italy for a few days and generally I wasn’t in a good mood. Reminder Kaori is Tsumikis mama and Hikari mamaguro -> fem!reader, she/her pronouns that’s all for this chapter.

!Disclaimer!: after reader tells toji that it is indeed her phone number toji tell her to babysit for him on Saturday without giving her a choice and hangs up. That’s when she says “does he really want me to babysit his kids?” Tumblr won’t let me edit it and it doesn’t show up no matter how many times I write it.

Previous. Next.

“Toji? It’s late what are-” “Did I wake you up?” He didn’t. Actually you wished you had even got five minutes of sleep. “Um no actually I was awake. Is everything okay?” Worry laced with your words, your mind running laps.

“Everything is okay. Just wanted to, um- to see if I can still reach out you through this number it’s been a month since you gave it to me.” Well you see his words weren’t exactly lies. He couldn’t possibly say that he wanted to hear your sweet voice. “Um yeah well I am talking to you right now so I guess you got your answer.”

‘Does he really want me to babysit his kids? What?’ Your thoughts were cut off by the sound of your phone pinging.

0467 felicita street. Be there at 7pm

Goodnight kiddo.

You’ve decided that the best way to vent and actually have someone hear you was to talk to Wilfred. So here you are scrubbing the juice maker until it’s squeaky clean telling him all about yesterday’s events. “So he just called you and asked to babysit? I don’t know Y/n.” “Wilfred I know trust me. Like the audacity of this man. He asks me to babysit his kids while he’s what? Out with his wife?” Your boss sighs and takes the rag out of your hand.“The thing is Y/n, do you want to go? You always say the opposite of what you do when it comes to your feelings.” It’s your turn to sigh, shoulders falling in defeat. “I don’t know. I feel like if I go I’ll look like an idiot. Like I’m easy. Like I’d do anything for his attention. For a man that probably wanted an easy fuck once and now he found the easy way to dump his kids somewhere. You know what I mean?”

Toji hadn’t really realized what he said last night over the phone. Honestly he thought it was a dream until he saw the messages. It’s Thursday evening, he has approximately 48 hours to make up an excuse and find a place to take his wife on a date. ‘Damn Hikari, you and your signs.’ Toji sat on his bed staring down at his legs trying to process what he’s done. Would you think he’s taking advantage of you? Leaving you home with his kids while he’s out with his wife. When in reality he just panicked like a teenage boy talking to his crush on the phone and made up the quickest lie and excuse to see you.

I’ll be there on Saturday.

“Damn I’m a fucking idiot” honestly you’re digging up your grave with the choices you make. But for some reason you can’t decline. And it’s pissing you off. Your free will has completely vanished because of this man. A man that is still basically a stranger to you. As soon as you sent that text you threw your phone on the bed and ran out of your room to do anything imaginable to distract yourself from the possibility of him answering you.

Toji felt his heart flutter at your message. He was thanking whatever God was above that you actually agreed. Kaori was in the kitchen cooking when he came down and wrapped his strong arms around her, closing his eyes imagining it’s you.

‘Snap out of it Toji’ he reminded himself clearing his throat. “How about we go out on Saturday? I’ve found a babysitter for the kids.” “Mm is that so?” She spins around looking at him smiling. “Mhm. So what do you think?” “It’s a date mister Fushiguro.” She kissed his lips. Oh if only they were yours.

____

“Wilfred I swear to God I’ll kill myself. I’m lost and you have to keep me company on the phone.” It’s 6:47pm and finding Toji’s house was more difficult than you thought. “Y/n I think you need more friends your age. Don’t get me wrong I love you with all my heart, but calling your boss on a Saturday evening to keep you company on the phone isn’t normal.” “Excuse you. I do have friends they just- they’re busy.”

A few minutes pass by and you finally found the house. It wasn’t much. Small white family house, nice trimmed lawn, a few palm trees decorating it. It would be easier to find if you hadn’t put the address wrong into your gps. You check the time. It’s 6:58. ‘Right on time Y/n. Well almost’

You knock on the door and the realization of what you’re actually doing hits you like a truck. You don’t get too much time to think about it as the door opens revealing an all black dressed Toji. Black shirt, black slacks. ‘Damn’

“Y/n.. you came.” Looking at his face you see his green eyes wide, eyebrows a bit furrowed and mouth slightly agape. “Well duh, I told you I was.” ‘That’s it Y/n keep the cool act and he’ll never suspect that you’re actually shitting your pants right now.’ You giggle at your own thoughts making him look at you weird “what?” “Um nothing I just remembered something.” “Great. Well Uhm come in and I’ll tell you anything you need to know. It’s only going to be a few hours.”

Toji sits you and the two kids around the kitchen table to explain everything you need to know. You learnt the the little girl’s name is Tsumiki and she’s allergic to nuts. Megumi can’t sleep without a storytime, that the tv is broken and that they both have to take their vitamin gummies before bed. ‘Great. Got this. How difficult can it be-’ “Toji sweetheart I’m ready.” A woman comes down the stairs, brown hair in a bun, red dress reaching her ankles and a pair of heels. She was beautiful. You catch Toji looking at her with wide eyes and you couldn’t deny the feeling of jealousy build up inside of you. ‘You’re so stupid Y/n, thinking you’ll ever have a chance.’

Toji glances back at you. “Yeah I’m ready.” Kaori walks up to the table looking at you and the two children. “I’m Kaori, Toji’s wife. Nice to meet you. I’m sure you’ll take great care of my kids.” She gives you her hand smirking when she mentions that they’re hers. “Nice to meet you, I’m Y/n.” ‘Bitch’ you think. Toji clears his throat and ushers his wife to the car after they say goodbye to Megumi and Tsumiki. Before he exits the door he looks back at you taking your cheek I’m his big palm gently “Thank you kiddo. You’re a lifesaver.”

You both stay there for a few seconds longer. Longer than you probably should. He looks into your eyes before walking towards his car. His wife waiting inside.

“Okay kids it’s time to party. But don’t tell your parents.” The little ones looking back at you, smiles creeping up their mouths.

—

Meanwhile in the car. “Is that the girl from Juicenet? The one you were talking to?” “Um yeah she had mention she babysits from time to time.” He didn’t know if his wife could sense his nervousness or spot his lie but he couldn’t give much thought to it. His mind always going back to you.

—

23:00pm. Honestly having kids must be really tiring. You had them for four hours and you’re about to quit life. The house was a mess but you managed to clean it and put everything back to place. Toji and Kaori were still not home and you were dozing off on the couch. “Y/n..?” a tiny little voice came from behind you. “Megumi? What’s wrong little one?” The little boy rubs his right eye other hand holding his frog plushie again. “I had a nightmare.” You beacon the boy to come closer to you on the couch “come ‘ere”. Megumi slowly walks towards you and you grab him to place him on the couch with you. You take the little boy into your arms and cuddle him closely. “You know I have a lot of nightmares too. It’s okay though cause they’re not real. Okay?” Meg nods his little head and reluctantly hurried his head even more into you.

Time goes by and midnight comes, with it Toji and Kaori. They slowly walk into the house the only light coming from the lamp in the living room. “Go upstairs I’ll check the living room.” Toji tells his wife and waits for her to go check the kids upstairs. Once she’s gone he walks towards the living room, breath hitching at the sight in front of him. You cuddled up with his son on the couch looking like mother and son. He tiptoes towards you guys and crouches in front of you.

He places his hand on your knee shaking you slightly. Slowly opening your eyes you hum once you make out his figure. “Tojii” you whine. The sound makes him twitch. “Wait here kid.” He takes Megumi from your arms and takes him upstairs tucking him in his bed and reassuring Kaori that he’s okay. He jogs downstairs where he sees you still sitting on the couch putting your shoes on. “Y/n” Your name comes out more shaky than he anticipated. He crouched once again in front of you to take a better look at you. “How was your date?” You can’t even look at him, the tone of jealousy evident in your voice. “It was good. How were the kids.?” “Angels” ‘damn if he only knew we almost burnt the house down.’ Silence falls between you the atmosphere getting more awkward. “I’m glad they didn’t give you a hard time. Let me pay you.”

Toji is about to get up but seems to lose his balance tripping on your shoe that’s on the floor, making him fall forward. Hands flying to the back of the couch, body between your legs, your faces inches apart. You look at each other, the same expressions on your faces. “Um- I- you, you don’t have to pay me”. None of you moving an inch from the position you’re in. For some reason his breath feels closer the more the second pass. Looking up at him one more time, black straight locks falling in front of his face. He licks the scar on the corner of his mouth and leans in your hand flying to his chest.

tag list: @ys2800 @ackerfem @megumimind

262 notes · View notes

dworgynisbabe · 5 months

Text

i have a storytime to tell ooooo i’m pissed tf off

ok so i just did a run of mount olympus with a full team (a lvl 162 storm, myself an ice, and then a lvl 30 something death and myth) anyways when you do that dungeon w a full team and a high level one person will usually stay back with athena to do all the dialogue so everyone doesn’t have to keep running back and forth and it makes the run go faster, which i did, no problem right? people do this all the time its a thing, right?

WELL NOPE NOT TO THIS GUY I GUESS… when we get to the ares (aries?) fight the death guy goes, “nice of you to show up” which i took as a joke hahaha funny whatever but then we get to the zeus fight and me and the myth go in first and we’re feinting and trapping so the storm can just go off yk as you do but the death and storm DONT JOIN. they just run around the battle circle the whole time and me and the myth guy are getting our asses kicked cause we’re level 30s and shit anyways the myth dies and i have to hit w a non bladed blizzard cause there’s a bunch of shields on the mobs and the death guy comments “interesting” like wtaf?????

you’re acting all petty and childish cause what i did all the dialogue??? i didn’t join till the end??? i’m assuming the death and storm are the same person

anyways i’m sorry if this made zero sense i needed to vent about it or i would’ve gone crazy 😭 i wish i would’ve recorded the whole thing cause WOW

#i hate this game and i mean it this time #why are people so fucking stupid #you’re literally beefing with me over NOTHING #i fleed and ported back and they finished it w/o us #like okay go fuck yourselves #if i actually did something wrong i wouldn’t be complaining rn #which i didn’t #people do this all the damn time in that dungeon #get over it #wiz struggles #ava’s thoughts

9 notes · View notes

twst-drabbles · 2 years

Text

Dark Mirror 1

Summary: You show some pictures you took to the Dark Mirror. It eventually turns into a rant.

(I uh, I wrote this a while back cause I always felt that if I was in this world, I would be so full of anger and frustration at the situation I’m in due to being without magic. Feels difficult to stand on equal footing with anyone in a world that lives and thrives on magic. Excuse me as I make my own lore in this drabble.)

“Now this one,” you pointed to the group photo with a dinged up Grim, Ace and Deuce while you stood in the middle completely blemish free, “this one was the first photo I’ve ever taken with the camera. Right after the we came out of the mines and Grim and I got admitted.”

The mask in the mirror squinted before letting out a small, “Hmm,” of acknowledgment. “Admitted as a half of a whole student, if I remember correctly.”

Bitterness built up in you at that. Not even considered a full student but half a student. As though your lack of magic made you less than a person. And what doesn’t help is that your input on a lot of things held less sway than Grim because he had magic. Dumbass he may be, a lot of folks seem to gravitate towards asking for his opinion first.

Dammit, you came in the coffin. You’re an official student because the damn horse brought you here. Whatever qualifications this college had, apparently you made the cut despite what you lacked, so the fact that Grim of all things was your only ticket in kinda pissed you off. And the majority of your grade depend on him too.

Shit’s unfair.

“That doesn’t make you happy.” He simply stated, with no indication that it’s meant to comfort you, but still didn’t feel cold enough to tick you off.

“Of course it doesn’t. First few hours in this college and already I’m being looked down upon. Nothing says ”I’m lesser than you,“ then not even being considered a full student.” Probably not a good idea to vent, but you have a pretty good feeling this Dark Mirror isn’t one to prattle on on information not meant for the ears of others. “I know this is a place for magic to be cultivated, but ugh!”

You stuffed your face into your photo album. “I’d rather be a janitor than just a mere half student. But it’s too late to pull out now. It just, it just frustrates me that the only thing keeping Grim from being a full student is that the carriage didn’t bring him here.”

The mask blinked. “I suppose that is the case. Had he come in a coffin, he would’ve been assigned a dorm. But, I don’t look into those that haven’t been brought here by the carriage.”

You huffed. You weren’t really all the interested in being a student here. You’re more than content to just watch the others pop off their own magic while you stayed in the background doing cleaning and being paid, but, in your own need to have some protection, you kept Grim and suddenly Crowley decided your reward should be your admission. “If Grim and I end up separated, he at least has a good chance of survival, but I’d be dead within seconds if I meet anything with just a tiny ounce of magic. You’d think Crowley would give me some kind of accommodation or some magical tool to make up for my no-magic situation but…”

“I’m afraid such things either don’t exist, or are extremely limited.”

You scoffed. “Let me guess, it’s because people don’t want to waste resources on the non-magics when people with magic can use these tools so much better?”

“…”

You snapped your finger. “Figured. People in power really are predictable, aren’t they?”

You flipped through the album, adjusting the thing on your knees. “Well, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Let me show you some fairies I took pictures of. They sure like to pose when they can.”

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst-drabbles #twst-drabbles exclusive #drabble #night raven college staff #dark mirror #reader insert

150 notes · View notes

somuchyoudontknow · 10 months

Note

Now watch the new narrative be Chris Evans and his crazy fans. 🤦🏻‍♀️

If we get blamed for this breakup, it’s whatever. I’m over this shit and Chris. He claims to hate the internet but guess what if you actively participate in pr shit and need the fandom to the point you lead them on, then don’t act “surprised” when they do the most and find out Information about your little gf and now ….ugh I’ll be pissed if they run with the crazy fans crap.

Fans are so crazy, yeah crazy to take time out of their lives to make you feel confident to the point you’re concerned about your “ego”. Fans are so crazy to take time out of their Saturday to help you after you leaked your own dick pic.

Celebs kill me for thinking their fans are all batshit when they profit from the crazy and entire fandom especially while pulling pr stunts.

The general public keeps them wealthy and able to live lavish lives while many put their nose up at the “peasants” or know they can get away with crap so they do things, get a pass and then do something like holding the door for someone and easily gets praised for doing nothing special.

I’m sorry just venting but let Chris and his team pull that shit, I’ll go on an entire rant. He already blocked fans over this crap, isn’t our fault he’s dating a racist.

Oh no, it's fine. You can vent anytime on my blog 🤗❤💙

I have a feeling too, they have found the scapegoat for the breakup and it is us. We are now literally going to get labelled to be the cause of their breakup.

#alba-baptista #chris evans pr #chris-evans

9 notes · View notes

actualmichelle · 8 months

Text

venting below because I am still Alone and want to write out my thoughts. I miss talking to people :(

Vin is mad at me, I think (not that I blame him...). He was out and about a lot for an hour or so this morning, and snuggled with me when I first woke up. But after that he’s pretty much been under my bed except when he eats/drinks or uses his litter box.

Like I am pretty sure he’s just pissed but I’m still worried. He experienced a lot yesterday.... his rabies/distemper boosters, a rectal exam, gabapentin, the bejesus scared out of him re: the carrier, PLUS whatever constipation issues he had going on to begin with. I guess it makes sense for him to be a bit out of sorts, it has only just been 24hrs ago.

It’s soooo much harder when there’s no one witnessing this stuff here with me. I keep going oh he’s fine just give it a day or two for him to calm down. But then I swing wildly in the opposite direction and am like but what if....so and so happens or is happening??? Usually there’s someone around for me to talk to who knows the situation just as well. I suppose I don’t trust myself.

This is reinforcing my opinion that I probably shouldn’t have pets after these dudes. I love them very much but being the sole caretaker is too much for me, and that is what would end up happening eventually.

I think Kiki has been the only ‘easy’ one, for whatever reason. I worry about her because I worry about literally everything but she’s just so easygoing. Vee was absolutely the opposite, and Vin is kind of closer to Vee.

ANYHOW hopefully this is just a me being anxious issue rather than a ‘there is actually something objectively concerning happening’ issue.I suppose the best I can do is wait and see. Hopefully he starts bouncing back a bit more tonight/tomorrow.

#cat health #personal #cat illness #anxiety #nothing new really has happened just venting #it also doesn't help that I haven't gotten more than 6 hours of uninterupted sleep since Wednesday now

4 notes · View notes

fuck-customers · 2 years

Note

My one coworker is pissing me off. She’s always got this passive aggressive/condescending tone when she talks to me, just because I’ve only been here a few months. Always got this “holier than thou” attitude, like she’s the only one in the department who does anything right. But from what I can tell, I’m the only one who gets this kind of treatment from her (idk maybe one of the other newer coworkers does too, haven’t seen their interactions, but I haven’t heard anything from that person about it).

Seems like every time we do shift change she has some kind of problem with something I’m doing. For the record, I was trained by 3 different people (her included) and got different info from all of them. But I was told to mostly only listen to T, who was my main trainer when I started. But now T has mostly left the department, only working a shift if someone needs it covered in the event of an emergency, so I guess this coworker thinks she’s the top dog now (I’m gonna call her D from now on).

Today I came in for shift change and D was still a bit busy with paperwork, I offered to take over for her, but she said it wasn’t a big deal. That’s cool, I went to go sit with the nurses/doctor to wait until D finished, since there’s not much room in our area and standing around makes my back hurt (chronic pain). After a minute she comes up to me to give report and then wants to start asking me questions about how I do the job (a common occurrence)

“Do you walk the call sheets down to the floor?”

If necessary, then yes of course I do. But a lot of times the floor nurses are fine with me giving them call sheets along with admit papers (if we have an admit), or handing it off to the House Supervisor if they’re over in the ER. No one has ever had a problem with this. And besides, the ER is really the only department that actually needs the call sheets, because it’s the clerk’s job to notify the OR crew if we have a trauma coming in and get them here for emergency surgeries. So frankly distributing them to the floor and main admissions doesn’t make sense, but that’s another topic. And since I have chronic pain as it is, I’m going to do whatever I can to not have to walk all up and down the hospital every day if I don’t have to. If the floor nurses are willing to take it with the other paperwork, and they’re coming to the ER for that anyway, then it just makes more sense to do it that way.

“Ok well do you bring wheelchairs out for patients in the parking lot or waiting room if needed?”

Yeah if the nurses are too busy to take a wheelchair then I’ll do it without question, but otherwise it’s not even my responsibility to take wheelchairs out and transport patients around, as I’m not trained on doing those kinds of things and it could be a liability for me to do it. I don’t mind helping out, but still.

“Oh well that’s not what I was told [about me taking out the wheelchair]”

BITCH WHO TOLD YOU ANYTHING?? You’re not a supervisor, you’re a clerk just like me. I get if a fellow coworker was frustrated and venting to her or whatever, I’m not gonna get along with everyone all the time, but that doesn’t mean you get to repeat it back to me and try to hold it over me to get me to do what you want?? Like I said, it’s not my job to take wheelchairs out. If we’re not busy I’m going to continue to call the nurses and have them take wheelchairs out because it’s their responsibility.

And this is just some stuff D was nitpicking about /today/, there have been plenty of other times where she’s bitching at me about something else.

And she always needs to have all of our papers and wristbands and pens stocked to the brim. Like to me if we’re not down to the last 10-20 of any given thing, then we’re fine and don’t need to restock. But to her we could have 100 papers in their given slot and it’s not enough, like if the papers aren’t basically overflowing and stuffed into their slots we’re too low. She can say whatever she wants about that, I’m still not going to bother filling up all this crap unless it’s literally down to almost nothing. No point in wasting paper until you have to.

She also never empties the shred bin, even if it’s super full, but will get upset if anyone else forgets or leaves it “too full” (we can leave it about half full but it’s not supposed to be over that). For the record, I empty it every single shift I work, like I’m supposed to, and it seems like I’m the only one who does most of the time.

It’s just frustrating. None of these things are actual problems, just her being bitchy about nothing. And if something is an actual problem then you can go to our supervisor about it, but until that happens I’m going to keep doing things the way I was trained to by T, and the way that the nurses have said is okay.

31 notes · View notes

hiccupbutpurple · 8 months

Text

Mental disorders/conditions (whatever you wanna call it) are an explanation not an excuse

I saw a thing on Instagram today and I already having a bad day and it pissed me off so I’m talking about it to let go. Probs won’t explain it very well but I don’t care. I can’t fucking stand it when people seem to think that someone struggling with a mental disorder automatically absolves them of any responsibility. Because it doesn’t. It is a valid and understandable explanation. It doesn’t mean there’s no impact. It doesn’t mean that the person they hurt can’t be fucking hurt. It doesn’t mean someone is evil for looking after themselves.

Don’t be an asshole, don’t antagonise people just because they have a mental illness, but if someone is hurting you, you can be hurt. If you are in a situation that is dangerous, it doesn’t matter if that person has a ‘valid reason’ to treat you like shit. They don’t. You are allowed to put yourself first. You are allowed to leave. (And I don’t mean just in romantic relationships because people seem to forget other types of relationships exist.) You are allowed to be fucking upset and angry about it.

Giving some context (not really it’s just a vent without much info tbh) below but that’s the main part.

This is the self indulgent vent part but as a kid for probably around 6 years I got treated like shit because of someone who hurt as a result of their mental illness. I’ve now found out that he has a pretty serious disorder which is a very hard and awful thing to for someone to have to live with and I’m sorry he has too. However, he is probably one of the main reasons I have the problems I do. He not solely the reason, but I know I wouldn’t struggle the way I do without him. It took 6 fucking years (while trying to work out what the hell is wrong with my own self, my sexuality, all the other standard teenage stuff and my own home life) to fully stop communication with him and stop feeling responsible.

And it’s been years but I’m still constantly effected by him. I mean for fuck sake I have to deal with fears of him coming to kill me (I know realistically he wouldn’t but the fear is there). All the little ways too, like how he comes up in my thoughts randomly and suddenly I can’t stop (like now) or how apathetic I feel, especially when suicide comes up. Like that word is mentioned and suddenly I no longer care about anyone or anything and I hate that I don’t care, I care when it comes to fucking characters but if a real human being says they are suicidal suddenly my brain just goes ‘nope’ and it’s either anger or numbness and that’s not fair to anyone.

Honestly it’s smaller things that annoys me even more than the big things. The stuff that just bleeds into everyday things, it affects all my relationships and my life overall. I went through so fucking much because I was scared to hurt someone else, that I ended up hurting myself and tbh others as well. Cause guess what, my own issues that came about mostly as a result of that have made me act in ways that hurt others! Thankfully all my friends are in similar boats and it did make us able to have healthier relationships with each other and learn to set boundaries. So there are some positives.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg but now I’m getting tired again but I seriously hate it when people go ‘you can’t criticise someone with a mental illness’ or ‘you can’t blame them cause they have a disorder.’ I think the majority of people know this but sometimes I see stuff that just pisses me off.

#it doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge their struggles too #but if someone is hurting you you can protect yourself #that doesn’t make you a bad person no matter how you might feel #because trust me these things continue on #I will stand by this for as long as I’m alive #probably #vent #mental health #self harm #suicide #emotional abuse #now that that’s done I can finally study #hopefully

5 notes · View notes

bigskydreaming · 2 years

Text

Tbh I appreciate when writers tag their fics with ‘character bashing.’ I mean, in an abstract way, not like “oh I’m gonna be this person’s friend now because of this,” lmao. I don’t tend to find much common ground with people who insist on character bashing in fics. Character criticism is great, necessary even, but I think all of us are perfectly able to tell the difference between criticism and just outright bashing. And I honestly can’t think of any character where actually bashing them or seeing them hated on has appealed to me.

Like, I’ve def made the occasional venting joke about Stiles, Tony or Tim Drake, but I think anyone who follows me longterm understands that even in those cases, my venting is more about the fans of said characters shoving them down everyone else’s throats or crapping all over other fans’ fandom experiences because of them. Point is, its not really even ABOUT those characters, and its definitely not something I’ve ever carried over into actual depictions of them in my own fanfics.

(Full disclosure: I do see the appeal with actual villains who are like....literally meant to be hated, even if parts of fandom disagree. But yeah, just not gonna pretend that people hating on characters who are explicitly rendered as the Actual Bad Guy by a narrative because they’re genocidal fascists or rapists is interchangeable with people hating on the protag or main supporting cast because they failed to unconditionally Affirm and Validate a beloved character. The whole point of this post is Less Fake = More Better, y’know?)

But I’m just saying. This is why self-awareness is great. Give me a person who can be honest about their treatment of a character and just own "yeah I hate this character and I let everyone know it" over one who’s like "nooooo, I love all these characters equally, they’re all my precious babies, its just every single other character in every single one of my stories takes every single opportunity available to condemn, criticize and vilify this one particular character because.....of Plot Reasons. Its very important to the Narrative. That’s all.”

Like, I’m legit just never gonna read a fic that has character bashing explicitly in the tags. But that’s literally the point, y’know? I’m just....never gonna read a fic that has character bashing explicitly in the tags, so if you actually tag shit that way when you know damn well your bias about a particular character is on display in a fic (and if you encourage readers commenting with ‘yessss, hate this character/love the other characters ripping this one a new one’ like let’s not pretend you don’t have a clue) then like.....guess what? You’ll never have to worry about me or people of similar mindsets giving your fic a try and having Opinions on how blatant your hatred for a character is and how ugh your treatment of them is.

Just speaking for myself here, but contrary to what some people might believe, I sincerely DON’T go looking for fics and opinions that I know damn well are going to piss me off. The fact that I’ve always made an earnest effort to curate my own fandom experience and still inevitably run smack into any number of fics that disingenuously present themselves as one thing when they’re actually something else entirely....that’s usually a key contributing factor to me BEING Pissed Off when ranting about something fanfic related.

But owning your character bashing just saves any actual fans of a character time and saves you the headache of defending your right to want Character X to suffer because of what they did to Character Y or whatever. Like obviously you have that right,* but what’s your actual goal? To sneak-attack actual fans of the character with smear takes on their fave, or maybe to proselytize about how terrible the character is and convince people on the fence that Actually, This Character DOES Deserve This?

If those are someone’s actual goals then of course they’re never going to actually tag a fic with character bashing, true. But if you’re genuinely just looking to vent about a character you dislike or whatever, and be validated by other like-minded fans who feel the same way about them, then being open and forthcoming about a fic’s character bashing literally just makes things simpler for everyone, fans and haters alike.

And its worth considering: what IS a writer’s actual goal when refusing to acknowledge an obvious bias against a character, if people are taking it for granted that there’s nothing wrong with hating any given character for any given reason and this doesn’t need an explanation or warrant an apology? Its like okay, great....so when its painfully obvious that a writer hates a given character, but they insist on bending over backwards to pretend otherwise.....might want to put some thought into what’s actually going on there, y’know? People don’t usually claim that there’s nothing wrong with a certain behavior and then refuse to claim that behavior unless the thing that has them self-conscious or defensive is their own awareness they’re just using that behavior as a smokescreen for something else entirely.

Anyway, I’m just saying. Being forthcoming about your actual stance on a character is pretty firmly in your own best interest if you’re not actually defensive about hating on a particular character and not looking to start something with actual fans. If all you want is to share a Hater’s Stance about a particular character with Haters of Like Minds? What’s the actual downside to advertising your true feelings about a character and guaranteeing you attract your actual intended audience while warning anyone who isn’t part of that audience to stay away?

Just food for thought.

* Standard disclaimer that none of the above applies to writers or fans hating on various characters because Racism, Transphobia, Homophobia or other -isms or -phobias. Anyone who wants to defend the ‘right’ to be racist in fanworks, headcanons or comments needs to face up to the correlating admission that this means they’re okay with expecting people of color to bear an ‘onus’ of being faced with that racism, etc. None of that is what we’re talking about here, nor is it up for discussion on this particular blog. I don’t argue about whether or not water is wet, either. I’m aware there are people with different opinions on that too, but I don’t have to give a shit.

#anyway #like call me out for being an Opinionated Bitch or whatever and you'd be right to #but I'm just saying. owning your fandom experience is a two way street #and like. is it even YOUR fandom experience if you're never actually even owning your true #opinions on narratives and characters or is it actually just the popular crowd's fandom experience and you've glommed on for the ride #so you can feel shiny by association?#you do you but the latter feels like a big old waste of time to me. if I'm gonna sink as much time and energy into having a fandom #experience as I do then like. it damn well better be MY fandom experience. not putting all that out there just in service to someone else's #fandom experience while doing absolutely nothing to explore my own actual thoughts and feelings yknow?#can not think of anything less rewarding than Martyring Myself for the Internet Clout #not gonna be taking likes and reblogs to my deathbed but my opinions and memories of things I truly believed and/or enjoyed? those will #still be there

20 notes · View notes

the-unknown-void · 1 year

Text

Lil’ piece of my Alice fic as a treat

I’m resisting so hard, to not make a bunch of self-deprecating comments to keep your expectations low because I know that could be a little annoying but.. this isn’t the best writing alright? and it’s a little silly.

I hope you somewhat enjoy at the very least,,

And reminder ALICE SHEPHARD IS AN OC, SHE IS NOT CANON TO ANY HALF-LIFE OR HUNT DOWN THE FREEMAN CONTENT, and disclaimer this hints at my “Adam is a G-Man headcanon” so yah, just letting you know so you’re less confused.

And a little context, they’re in Black Mesa East, that part of Hunt Down the Freeman. And they’ve just cleared the place. (Tumblr wouldn’t let me keep my tabs >:(

As she walked through the halls, they seemed so quiet now that the gunfire and screams weren't a constant. She could even hear the rustle and clatter of headcrabs in the vents, her own breathing beneath the mask, footsteps- Footsteps?

Alice suddenly felt the sensation like she was being watched, strange because the Overwatch were almost always watching, it was a feeling she was used to. But this.. Felt like something else. She turned around, whipping out her stun stick just in case.

Everything became pitch-black dark so all she could see was the man in the suit and briefcase in hand. She bared her teeth; and although it couldn’t be seen, his gaze felt like he could. And that was frightening to her.

“Ms. Shephard, you should know by now that I have no wish to harm you.” He said, glancing at the sparking baton.

“How.. How can you..” Her voice stammered in shock.

“Whatever. Leave, now!”

When he didn’t move, she charged at him while swinging her baton; but when it hit, nothing happened! The man didn’t even react to the electric shock. It was like he was impenetrable.

So Alice stepped back, somewhat in disbelief. And the man smirked, annoying her further.

Since he clearly knew who she was already even with the mask on, she took it off to face the man for real, she wasn’t going to cower.

“You’re the reason Mitchell came back, aren’t you? Why else would you come back now after being gone for so long?” She didn’t waste any time, she wanted to get straight to the point. To which the man just looked at her, raising an eyebrow to the question.

“It was his choice to collaborate with the Combine, that is all I can say in regards to Mitchell. But I see you’re.. Not pleased with these arrangements, hm?” He casually adjusted his tie, the way he spoke was so.. Strange to her.

“Pleased? The Combine’s going to use me as fodder to make sure Mitchell stays in line! Of course I’m not fucking pleased!” She wanted to attack him again, but it would be pointless.

“Just leave me alone. Why are you even talking to me? You never did that before.”

“I’m simply keeping an eye on you, Ms. Shephard.”

Not answering her question, if Alice didn’t know any better she would’ve assumed his intent was to piss her off.

The man started to walk back into the darkness, keeping his gaze. locked on her until he was gone and the hall came back into view.

“Huh, I guess there is a human face behind those masks!” A voice came from behind her. Startled, she fumbled with her mask to put it back on and face whoever it was.

Mitchell’s second-in-command!

“When did he get here? Shouldn’t he be following Mitchell wherever he went? I didn��t hear anymore footsteps..” She thought.

Despite putting her mask back on, she got the same feeling from him as the man in the suit.. Like he could see through it, and he knew who she was.

“You’re just paranoid. He’s just a guy, we’ve never met before.”

So Alice decided to approach him, “Sir, I’ve been assigned to follow your men, and I was trying to find your captain.”

The guy looked slightly amused for some reason, resting one hand on his hip.

“The captain’s already left so you.. Can refer to me!”

“And what can I refer to you as, sir?”

“Adam, call me Adam.”

“Just Adam?”

He nodded, it seemed a bit weird to just go by your name and not a proper title in a position like that. But she could push that aside, if that’s what he wanted to be referred to as then there was nothing against it.

“You?” He suddenly asked.

Alice didn’t quite know how to respond, “Uh.. Protection unit #4130.. Or just 41.”

Adam looked at her quizzingly to her response but then shrugged and turned around, gesturing for her to follow him.

There was something strange about him, he seemed friendly enough. But she expected him to ask more questions, though something felt like.. he already knew all the answers.

Who was Adam really?

6 notes · View notes

imamotherfuckingstar-lord · 2 years

Note

What do you think about (in fics) the whole having sex without dating like not talking about the relationship or about if it’s a fwb situation etc thing? I’ve read a few where they’re friends and they have sex and it’s like what are they I need details 😭 they don’t talk about it and it’s crazy to me. Irl I either have one night stands or I date (I’ve tried friends with benefits and it’s not my thing) so it’s wild to me that the relationship isn’t talked abt by the ppl having sex lmfao like that’s crazy I’d be stressed tf out what do you mean they haven’t communicated what they are I’m going insane! Also I hate those fics where they’re friends then one of them fucks someone else and it leads to feelings being revealed and they get together like 😂 damn that’s crazy you have feelings for me and still had sex with someone else…but that’s just me! I guess I’m very? particular (for lack of a better term) with my relationships and who I have sex with but I also wonder how much life experience some fic writers have. Also I saw that one post of yours about Eddie being a virgin and I agree…I’ve noticed a lot of people making the reader be a virgin and Eddie’s experienced and that just pisses me off tbh like ok write whatever I respect that but damn 💀 can we just be a whore this time and not some innocent little thing 😂 and he’s some 20 year old guy too not a professional dom or whatever I’ve seen those too 🙄🫢 anyway this has been a vent bc I would sound crazy talking to anyone else abt this 😭😂

No, I totally understand wanting to be able to at least define what kind of relationship your in - be with FWB or one night stand. I know in movies, shows, fics etc there is a lot of just hooking up on the fly - but in my personal experience (I’m pretty experience, not bragging just stating facts) I’ve never just hooked up with a friend out of nowhere. I have had one night hook ups and have been FWB with two people before - but there had been things leading to that point. Flirtation, talking, etc. I’ve never really dated someone, mostly hooked up until I met my husband. It does seem kinda crazy to just fuck your friend but most cases, I think there is a build up. When I write fics, I try to make that build up apparent but I’m pretty sure I’ve been guilty of just having characters randomly hook up but there’s always a conversation afterwards. I don’t think the real work works like that fully. When it comes to not realizing your feelings and hooking up with someone else, only to realize said feelings - not a fan of that in writing either. I get it though for plot reasons, but I think there are better ways to convey that.

Now when it comes to Eddie being a virgin. Originally post is here - wasn’t my OG post, just added my opinion. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a virgin. Having truly know an Eddie in high school, I was completely in love with my friend Jeremy who was a metal head - Megadeth was his band, I can truly believe Eddie was a virgin. Maybe he got to second base, but no home run for him. My friend Jeremy, we had this thing going on for years and I ended up taking his virginity. Before that he was a total dud with girls. He was also a 19 year old kid. So it makes sense.

Lastly, I love venting! Thank you!

#anon ask #Eddie Munson is a virgin

8 notes · View notes

opinated-user · 1 year

Note

I think the vent post about a friend she can’t talk to is about Carousel, because it talks about friends attacking Lily and that only happened with Carousel, how her friends unfriended Lily after the breakup. So I’m guessing there’s some tension in the friend group where someone told Lily she has to be a better friend to Carousel, but she’s pissed because she was ready to hate her. So she’s vague posting about it because it’s all she can do.

that's still such a shitty thing to do. LO's a 30 year old woman and yet she makes this issue sound like high school drama between a bunch of teenagers. but even then, it has been a while that LO has been dropping hints that something is not fine between her and Carousel, just like she dropped hints about feeling frustrated about the break about Ginger and not being able to say anything about it, that always felt disrespectful and tacky to air to everyone. the "jokes" that LO wanted to make during the TOH podcast about how Ginger was too much of a weeb and that's why they broke up were gross, petty and two-faced, and then the fact she defended them when MO was rightfully shocked by that... if she has unresolved tension with those people, it's her duty to talk with those people, not do this childish vague posting. the rest of the internet has no business knowing all about it, especially without the other person's input at all, when all that happened is that two people decided they don't want to date her anymore for whatever personal reason.

if she can't bring herself to confront them about it like an adult, then save it for the therapist like she claims is helping her so much to stop liking certain kinks.

#lily orchard

6 notes · View notes

wireshockwithme · 16 days

Text

Diary entry November 21st 2023

I was extremely extremely angry when writing this and I’ve cooled down a lot since then and I don’t 100% agree with everything in it anymore especially the connection to transsexuality as a label for myself.

This piece (if you can call it that, it’s just a vent post really) is not a kind or generous towards men as a group, insert nuance wherever you feel like it, it’s a complex topic, you’re all adults.

This isn’t political theory, this is feelings, I trust you guys to understand that please please please

TW sexual assault and harassment

I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened earlier today with that guy at the craft store, I laughed about it when it happened, not really because it was funny, more so because that’s what I’ve learned to do in situations like these, I’ve been getting really tired of laughing.

What happened wasn’t something abnormal for me, it’s not like I’m not used to being catcalled, basically whenever I leave the house I confront the fact that more likely than not, by the time I return I probably will have experienced some form of violation from a man whom I do not know, this is something that is true for literally all the women that I know. Today stuck out to me today because of the sheer absurdity of the phrase “good girl”, this one is admittedly a first for me, the absolute perfect blend of humiliation, objectification, and the promise of violence that sums up everything I want to talk about.

Last year, while taking the bus home from school, I was groped by an older man with a greasy grey ponytail. It all happened extremely quickly and I didn’t really have a chance to react before he stepped off the bus. I didn’t tell anyone about it and I’m pissed that I didn’t. I didn’t want people to think of me as a victim, I still don’t. The act of violation by nature makes the person experiencing it small and weak, which is not something I want people thinking about me, I also don’t want people to treat me like I’m strong for going through something like that, it was kind of a traumatic thing!! It’s why I started wearing a messenger bag to school instead of a backpack. To imply that it made me stronger is to imply that it was worth it happening.

whenever shit like this happens to me I’m inevitably met with a “welcome to womanhood” comment that pisses me off like nothing else. I’ve lived my entire adult life as a woman. Im nearing the point where I will have been transitioning longer than I’ve not been. The comment is so insulting to me, I know what being a woman is, I’d venture to guess I probably know more about it than you (proverbial you) or any other cis woman does, whatever. I’m nearing the point when I barely feel any connection to the label “trans” anymore, I didn’t meaningfully transition into anything, I’ve kind of always been like this. I never had a boys childhood to the chagrin of the patriarchs of my family. I will never experience the world through the eyes of a man. I love trans people, I’m one of them I guess, but a lot of the time it kind of feels like this was just the default outcome for me, no one was shocked, I feel like I have a very different relationship to trans identity than a lot of others and it’s alienating a lot of the time.

As a woman I’ve learned that I need to be loud if I want to be heard, I need to be a bitch if I want people to listen. I’ve kind of built a Xanadu to this image of myself as bold and confident, a survival mechanism. The act of catcalling is just a reminder that whatever I do as a woman can be undermined in a second in the most humiliating way possible, it doesn’t matter what I do as long as there’s a man in the room. It’s a reminder “you can get as big as you want but I’ll always be bigger”, it’s a threat of violence that thrives on the status quo. In an instant I am transformed into the trout on the end of a strangers line, unable to speak and at the mercy of a dangerous man. It’s terrifying, it’s heartbreaking, it’s infuriating. I fucking hate men. I fucking hate that it’s so normal to me and to the other women in my life. I hope the guy I met today eats shit and dies painfully and alone, along with every other man who does this shit. I am pissed.

#diary

0 notes