Day 9. Friendship

Friendships through the ages.

I! Included! My! OCs!!! Their names are Sammy Oswald-Wright and Ruben Fridman, one was adopted by Tim at age 12 after being homeless for two years and the other met the former for the first time as a child and held onto those interactions for the rest of her life. Together, they're going to kill The Operator with bombs :]

Also, they're in love. They are in gay love and kiss each other all the time

Here's the unfiltered version of the bros

January 5th, 2023 (Thursday)

I woke up at five to my back hurting (shocker) and went to the other bed. I was up for an hour and some how passed out with the heating pad on my back.

The baby was up at 7:30 (I fucking called it) I got up at eight. I took some vitamin b supplements to help get me going with much needed energy. I made an egg an hour later with toast. The baby didn’t touch her scrambled egg and I’m fucking mad. Eggs are fucking expensive.

I did some dishes while I was up and just so pissy. I didn’t want to work extra. They extended overtime from 10 am to 5 pm and again 5 pm to 8. I’ll work some more later for extra money. I got off of work around 12:15, and decided to go on a walk with the baby for half an hour. I would go longer but it’s too windy and cold.

It’s a nice way to clear my head from terrible customers.

I came back and had a snack. I closed the baby gate and ate alone. Until she eats her eggs she doesn’t get any snacks. She keeps calling her punch we make yucky and that’s all she gets. I won’t have another kid who turns their nose up to everything and only lives on fucking frozen burritos, Mac and cheese, chicken nuggets and peanut butter and jelly.

My husband has two kids live on that. I’ll be damned if A does that shit. I know two year olds are picky, but not this fucking picky. She asked for can-y (candy) earlier and I said no. I said are you hungry? Do you want your scrambled eggs and she said no. I guess you’ll starve 🤣

It’s a quarter to two, and I’ll take a nap and work a few more hours when she naps. I’m burnt out, exhausted and this day off hasn’t fully turned into shit, but it’s early 🤣

Cooking with Loona

Request: "i know requests are closed and i’m reallyyy sorryyyy 🥺 i’ve been going through a lot and i just didn’t have time and didn’t feel right enough to ask this: maybe cooking with loona??"

A/N: to the anonnie that requested this, i hope you're feeling better and ily ❤️❤️

(had to put a keep reading tab cuz the post was too damn long f)

- C

Heejin:

we’ve all seen the cement brownie she tried to give to chuu on her birthday vlive..... yeah....

she always skips like half the steps when she’s following recipes and then gets confused when her food doesn’t turn out the same like,, Heejins sweetie pleASE-

lowkey can’t cook but she thinks she can because you hype her up too much

like she will serve you a dish that will somehow be both burnt and cold at the same time and you still tell her she did amazing because it makes her so happy and that’s all that matters

your guys’ favourite thing to make together is probably cupcakes or cakes

because you get to bake them and Heejin gets to decorate them, and they always end up looking and tasting immaculate

everything in your guys’ relationship works better when you’re together, you two simply complete each other :’)

Hyunjin:

not only does she make the most kickass bread but girlie really is a chef of all cuisines too

you still don’t know how or where she even learned to cook so well but you aren’t complaining at all

whatever you feel like eating, Hyunjin knows how to cook it to absolute perfection and she always offers to teach you how to make your favourite dishes

you two also have matching yellow cat aprons uwu

the kind of girl to either kick you out of her kitchen for distracting her while she’s making a meal or else back hug you and help you stir a bowl with her hand over yours all romantically

it literally just depends what mood she’s in at that very moment

highkey loves loves loves cooking for you and surprising you with dinner after a long day, because her favourite thing to do is put a smile on your face :D

Haseul:

starts off really strong and sticks to the recipe... but then her mind wanders and she's like,,, well,,, what if i add this????

and you're like haseul,,,, please don't put chilli peppers in Kim lips birthday cake, i promise she can do without them,,,,,

she finds cooking in the dorms a bit stressful, doing her best to feed the hungry members after a long day of practice

so cooking with you tends to be a much more therapeutic experience, just you two, a bit of music and some tasty treats

but she of course brings back plenty of wonderful bakes for her members to enjoy too, they're literally her babies she is can't just let them STARVE 😔🙄😢

lowkey pretends she's having trouble stirring so you'll reach from the back and help her with the spoon all romantically

miss haseul you are not slick we SEE YOU

Yeojin:

yes she did in fact bejewel her cookery book

"yeojin... I can't even read the recipes, there's too much glitter!!"

"Well Y/N, sometimes, sacrifices have to be made in the name of beauty."

said sacrifices are usually cupcakes and cakes that don't rise, burnt food or just complete mush that doesn't even look like food

however, when yeojin is fully dedicated she can pack a mean lunch, sometimes she makes them for you when you're going off to school/work, and she always makes sure presentation is A+

prefers to just go out to cafes/restaurants on dates rather than cook

but that doesn't mean there haven't been times where you and her have been in the kitchen at 2am, trying to make a gigantic cake for you and all her members to share 😌

Vivi:

has the most peaceful, lofi cooking playlist ever

you two work in harmony, always helping one another but never tripping over the other in the kitchen

it's so harmonious it's like.... y'all were meant to be or sumn idk 😳😳😳

however if u try to eat any batter she will smack ur hand and be like no ⛔ that is for LATER hfhdhd

her hair always gets tied up in the cutest little bun when she's baking, and that along with her fairy apron makes her look like an actual princess

she also LOVES cooking/teaching you how to make her favourite foods from Hong Kong that she'd always make with her mom

those meals always help her when she's homesick, and with you by her side make her feel like she's not alone 🥺

Kim Lip:

CEO of pretending she has everything under control when in reality she has absolutely no idea what’s going on

“Uhhh Jungeun, is something burning?” “NOPE NOPE IDK WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT HA HA HA........”

wants to put your apron on you every time but she’s always way too shy to ask so she just resorts to back-hugging you until you get the hint and let her tie a cute little bow behind your back with the apron string hehe

makes pretty decent food when she’s not flailing around and panicking over a single grain of rice that escaped from the pot or something

however she refuses to admit when she messes up in the kitchen

like she could burn something to a crisp or use completely the wrong ingredients but she’d still eat every bite just to prove she’s the best cook in the house

if your food sucks she will tell you to your face, followed by a kiss so you forget about the fact she just roasted your cooking skills lol

Jinsoul:

Jinsoul gives off Hawaiian shirt drunk uncle at the family barbecue vibes who won't let anyone near the steaks

and you're like,, Jinsoul do you even know what you're doing????????? to which she responds - "food, heat, it's cooking. isn't that all i need to know?"

chaotic but refuses to acknowledge the chaos she causes in the kitchen

so when you have baking dates u have to keep such a close eye on her to make sure she isn't going to poison anyone with her creations

once she gets into it tho, she's grooving around the kitchen in her little robot apron, dancing to Christmas songs when it's not even Christmas and just 10/10 having a blast

not really the biggest fan of cooking but she knows you are, and since you help her build her gundams she does like to try and help our properly in the kitchen when she can

perhaps Jinsoul best girl???? perhaps??????

Choerry:

hello this sunshine absolutely LOVES baking, especially for others because putting a smile on someone's face is her main goal in life

she loves decorating with icing too, her go to patterns are smiley faces, flowers and the sun!

her playlists are always so upbeat, the two of you end up bouncing around the kitchen singing at the top of your lungs as you work

LOVES LOVES LOOOOOVES backhugs, especially recieving them,,, it makes her feel all worm and mushy inside hehe

also likes to kiss face icing off of your face, just to have an excuse to give you as many little pecks as she so desires

choerry always makes you a birthday cake every year, and she puts so much work into it, it absolutely melts your heart

plus it makes her happy to see you eating well and having a good time, she truly just is the biggest sweetheart :']

Yves:

she always says yes whenever you ask her to cook with you, but only because she just wants to flirt with you for an hour

"why do we need to make all this food, when the real snack is right in front of me? 😏"

cooking with you actually really does make her happy though, she loves that she can be so domestic with you, it's such an amazing break from her hectic life

also lowkey makes her feel like you're a married couple... and you best believe Yves can't wait to wife you up

she doesn't suck at cooking, but has often times gotten,,, ahem,,,, somewhat distracted and has prioritized making out with you against the kitchen counter rather than how long the food has been cooking, which ends up in a lot of burnt meals

baking with her is really a time, and has more than once ended in a very messy food fight because Yves wouldn't stop smearing icing all over your face 💔

her specialty is dialing the local takeaway and ordering food instead ✨ okay Yves Ramsey go off ✨

Chuu:

this baby girl is just torn between actually wanting to cook or just asking you to cook with her so she can get affection from you (as if she doesn't get that anyway smh)

backhugs except she won't let go

whenever she's making something she calls you over and she's like "Y/N is this okay?" and always asks for kisses as a reward for doing good

will feed you every single ingredient no questions asked

she loves surprising you with meals on very random occasions though, for example that one time she cooked your favourite food because it was the anniversary of the first time she got sick while dating you

she's actually a pretty good cook when she puts her mind to it though, she loves making good food that'll cheer people up when they really need it

btw you will be forced to wear matching aprons and they will be the pinkest, loudest and sparkliest ones that she can get her hands on ✨

Go Won:

have the fire service on speed dial before you even think about cooking with gowon omg

you literally also need to have indestructible tastebuds because she WILL destroy them

her speciality is starting fires and combining foods that were NEVER. EVER. E V E R. meant to be combined 😭😭

"babe come try this dish!! it's ramen mixed with coca cola, jelly and vegetable soup!!! it tastes GREAT trust me"

at the end of the day you just leave her be in the kitchen because at least she's having fun LMAO

(just always have a fire hydrant by your side okay??? she set the loona dorm on fire making chicken nuggets once...)

despite all her chaos, she somehow always produces something edible at the end and.... sometimes it actually tastes good too???

Olivia Hye:

lets you do all the work cuz she's worried she "might mess it up" when in reality she just wants to order takeout and cuddle instead smhhh

will probably follow you around the kitchen or rest her head on your shoulder while you do all the cooking, because this tsundere is secretly the biggest softie for you

she's actually a decent chef when she's motivated to help though

like she even put together a cooking playlist for you guys - which she very shyly revealed to you one time, a slight blush on her cheeks as she played the songs for you

cuz miss olhye is very much a romantic, she just doesn't have the confidence to show you all that yet hehe

her favourite is making desserts because well,,,, she gets to eat the batter and also gets tasty treats at the end

10/10 cooking backhugs also 🖐️😌

2021 Pride Month Oneshots - Day 2

30 Queer Oneshots in honour of pride month

Day 2 - Theyna

Ao3 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/31699466

Wattpad - https://www.wattpad.com/story/272023303-2021-pride-month-oneshots

Summary - Reyna is sick. There is a pride parade. Thalia is a bad cook. Thalia makes hot chocolate.

this is very low quality I wrote this at 2am sue me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Which fucking god decided that today was the perfect day to make me sick? I have gone through a war without getting sick, but now I'm stuck in bed for the most important event of the year because of the flu?!"

Thalia smiled, listening to her girlfriend rant. After the second giant war, both camps got together every year and hosted a pride event on June second. Demigods from all over the world came to the event, and some of the gods attended too. Unfortunately, this year Reyna got a bad cold the day before. She had been determined to go anyways, but the cold worsened, making her too weak to get out of bed, much less go to the festival. Reyna told Thalia to go without her, but she firmly declined.

Thalia poured her girlfriend a cup of tea and returned to the bedroom. Reyna was lying in bed, exhausted from her rant. It was rare to see the praetor so vulnerable. Reyna usually put up a strong front, an unmovable wall of confidence and determination. But now, she looked strangely defenceless, curled up into a ball shivering from the fever.

Thalia sat down on the edge of the bed, brushing the hair off the brunette's eyes. Reyna mustered a smile, sitting up to drink the tea. They sat in a comfortable silence until Reyna spoke.

"I'm sorry you have to stay with me today, instead of going to Camp Half-blood," She said, her voice rough from sleep and sickness. "You really should go. I'll be fine."

Thalia frowned, "I'm not going, and you don't have to be sorry." She brushed her finger over Reyna's cheek, "I'm your girlfriend. I want to spend time with you, even when you're a sniffling, shivering blanket cocoon."

"It's a burrito, not a cocoon," Reyna corrected, giggling.

"You've been spending too much time with Nico." Thalia snapped her fingers, "Oh right. He asked me to send an IM when you felt better so we could see the festival."

Reyna buried herself deeper into the duvet, "Go ahead. I want to see if Camp Jupiter won the decoration contest again this year."

Thalia rolled her eyes, creating a mist cloud and fishing around for a drachma. "We have Nico and Will. They are living rainbows. There's no way Camp Halfblood is losing."

Reyna stuck out her tongue, "Keep dreaming, babe."

"Do you deny that Nico is an absolute gay icon?"

"Of course not. I'm just saying that Camp Jupiter is going to win the float decoration contest."

They continued their friendly squabbling as the IM connected. A misty image of Nico and Will making out formed in front of the bed.

"Eww, get a room, you two," Thalia grimaced.

"It's your fault for IMing me," Nico argued, his cheeks red in embarrassment.

"Hey, Will," Reyna greeted the blonde.

"Hey, Reyna. How are you feeling?" The blonde smiled happily, putting his arm around his boyfriend, who was yelling something in Italian at his cousin.

Both boys wear decked in pride colours, the only time Reyna saw Nico wear any colour other than black. They had rainbow flags hanging from their shoulder as capes. Reyna could see other demigods strolling around in the background, laughing and chattering excitedly.

Nico finally seemed to notice Reyna, "Hey Reyna." His eyes sparked, "Before you ask, according to the leaderboard, Camp Halfblood is in the lead for the competition."

Reyna groaned as Thalia whooped. At the pride festival every year, the demigods voted best-decorated float. Neither camp had managed a running streak. Reyna had hoped that this year Camp Jupiter would win, earning them a two-year streak. But seeing how things are going now, she was sure Camp Halfblood would win.

Nico toured them through the festival, excitedly pointing out the parts that had been Will's ideas. At one point, they saw Leo run off in the direction of the lake, screaming, "RAINBOW FLAMETHOWERS MOTHERFUCKER." Not long after, an annoyed Calypso approached them requesting the location of a particular burnt chicken nugget.

Thalia noticed Reyna trying to yawn discreetly. The sick praetor was probably tired, so they said goodbye and cut the connection.

Reyna flopped backwards with a happy sigh, "I'm suddenly craving those rainbow crepes they had last year." Thalia immediately got up. "Thals don't you dare!" Reyna grabbed her girlfriend's hand and pulled her back. "Last time you tried to cook, you caused a blackout in New Rome."

Thalia pouted, "It was one time," she protested, "I'll be super careful! Please? I want to make something nice for you."

"Fine, if you're so adamant about making me something, I want a hot chocolate." Reyna kissed her cheek and let go. "And I want extra unicorn marshmallows."

Thalia gave a thumbs up and darted into the kitchen to make a cup of hot chocolate. Reyna smiled happily at her girlfriend. Thalia was an awful cook, so Reyna always cooked for them, which is why Thalia loved it when Reyna was unable to cook. It was a new chance for her to prove that her cooking skills had improved. Nine times out of 10, the attempt would end in disaster, but it was adorable to see her so focused and excited.

Reyna awoke to the heavenly smell of hot chocolate and the soft comfort of an arm draped over her. She ran her fingers through Thalia's soft hair as the girl snored gently, lying face down beside her.

Reyna picked up her mug from the side table. Thalia shifted in her sleep, moving her head to Reyna's chest, and the daughter of Bellona mindlessly resumed combing her hair.

Reyna sipped her drink, noticing the half-melted unicorn marshmallows with an affectionate smile. There was a scuffle at the door, and Arum and Argentum trotted in. Thalia had barred the dogs from entering because Reyna needed rest, but now that the daughter of Zeus was safely asleep, the dogs climbed onto the bed, snuggling with the two girls.

Today was not the celebration she had planned, but she felt a sense of peace, lying in bed, sipping hot chocolate, cuddling her amazing girlfriend and dogs.

'I could get used to this,' Reyna thought, sleepily placing her drink on the bedside table. She pulled Thalia closer and drifted off to sleep.

Fight For Love

Jax Teller x Chibs Telford x Reader

Requested by: @chibsytelford​ I have a request - Chibs and Jax want the same woman - she doesn't know them, so they compete for her attention by like buying her flowers or whatnot. You can decide who wins her, if either of them do!

Taglist: @talicat713​ @nothingeverdies​ @mrspeacem1nusone​ @teapartydreams​ @corebore123​ @khyharah​ @itmejado​

Parking your car in an empty space you slowly climbed out, every part of your body that could be crossed was right now. You was in desperate need of a job and ever since you moved to charming you had no luck that was until you heard Teller-Morrow was looking for a new mechanic. You literally jumped at the chance, cars where your life, blood and soul.

Glancing back at your car you smirked at the candy red fiesta ST shining proudly in the sun.

"You don't see many of them over here" a women smiled "is it an import?"

"Yeah she is" you smiled "couldn't live without my beast, what gave it away, the plates or the fact it's right hand drive"

"Both" she laughed "I'm Gemma"

"Y/N" you smiled "I phoned up about the mechanic position"

"Okay follow me sweetie, I will show you around the lot then we will have a chat" Gemma nodded.

As you was walking around the actual garage, you saw someone struggling, mainly because they had the wrong tool.

"I don't mean to intrude but try using the ratchet with the extender and the 20mm socket it will make your life easier" you smiled softly. "You will get slightly more leverage on the nut then it should crack"

"Thanks lass" the scott nodded swapping tools, a grinned formed on his face as he managed to finally get the blasted nut off. "How did ye know wha size from tha far away?"

"Cars are my passion, grew up working on them back home as my dad was a mechanic" you nodded, everyone always looked impressed that you knew your shit, mainly because there wasn't many female mechanics.

"I'm Filip by the way but everyone calls me Chibs" he smiled.

"Y/N" you nodded before following Gemma again.

Once she had shown your around she took you into the office, you was grateful it wasn't a proper interview.

"So from what you have told me, I am impressed with your knowledge not may girls know their way around an engine" she smiled "and I think you will be a good fit around here so can you start tomorrow?"

"Of course I can" you beamed "I can be here for 7.30, am I okay bringing my own tools?"

"Whatever makes you feel at home" Gemma smiled "I will get my son to follow you home and he can load them into the truck so you have them for morning, I will also get you some overalls and shirts with your name on"

"Thank you for this opportunity you won't regret it" you grinned at her.

After around 10 minutes a blond guy approached you.

"I'm assuming you are Y/N" he smirked.

"The one and only" you grinned lighting a smoke.

"Jax" he nodded "mom said you needed a hand moving some tools over"

"Urm yeah you might need to of yas" you smirked "let's just say I have a few"

"Not very often you get females in the mechanic game" Jax nodded as his eyes ran over your car "but something tells me you are a car girl"

"What gives that away" you laughed unlocking the car.

"Just a feeling" he winked "imma just get Chibs then we will follow you"

You leant against the wing of your car with a smirk on your face. Something told you that you was going to have fun working here. Seen as the two guys you had seen were very easy on the eye.

- - -

All the boys were chilling around the lot.

"It's nice to get another female around here" Jax laughed as he grabbed a beer.

"Aye, with ye on tha one" Chibs smirked "something tells me she's gunna fit in"

"Just one thing that's bugging me" Jax said sitting down "that accent"

"It's definitely a British accent but not sure where abouts" Chibs nodded. "Will ask her in the morning seen as Gem has asked me to be here for when she arrives"

Neither guy knew that they essentially were both infatuated with the same girl.

---

It had been a week since you had started at TM and you got on with the guys like a house on fire.

"Yo Y/N/N" Jax's voice boomed through the garage.

"Wha now Teller" You shouted from under the car you was working on "I'm kinda busy"

"Brought you lunch seen as you haven't stopped all day" He laughed

"Urm hate to brake it to you buddy" You laughed rolling out from under the car, grabbing your drink "Chibs beat you to it bout an hour ago"

"Bloody scott" Jax mumbled under his breath looking pissed off.

The last thing you needed was the boys starting a war over you.

"Jax it's fine, imma gal with a big appetite" You smiled taking the bag of food off him, instantly the smell of chicken nuggets hit you making your mouth water. "Thanks"

This had been going on for the last couple of days, one of them would buy you food or there would be two iced coffees sat on your tool chest when you rolled into work, you knew what was happening they were both trying to win you over. You wasn't going to lie you loved the attention. One day there was even a small bunch of flowers laying on your tool chest, you appreciated the gesture but flowers set your hayfever off but you didn't tell the lads that.

"You got any plans for tonight?" Jax asked offering you a smoke which you gratefully took. "There is a party tonight and you are part of this family now so you gotta come"

"I will be here" You nodded "But I will be working on the beast, she needs a tune up, new breaks and I've killed the tyres"

"That's cuz you race everywhere" Jax laughed. "I guess I will see you later yeah"

"Yuup" You nodded popping the p.

Not even 10 minutes later Chibs strolled up smiling at you.

"Ye need a hand Lass?" He asked leaning against the wall watching you bend over the engine.

"I'm good thanks Chibs just about done on this one" You nodded looking up at him.

"I might hang around for a bit if that's okay wi ye" He smirked.

"Knock yoursen out me duck" You winked

"You say some weird things" He chuckled shaking his head.

The party was in full swing, yet you was holed up in the garage, you was never one for parties, preferred the car scene, going to shows and meets but unfortunately none of that happened in Charming.

From outside the garage you heard arguing, but with your head in the engine bay you couldn't see who it was and could only faintly hear what they was talking about. Brushing it off you went back to working on your car.

It had got to the point where Jax and Chibs had ditched the party and was hanging with you. The banter was flowing and you was flirting with both as you all worked on your car until the early hours of the morning. 

---

Over the next month more gifts appeared, from flowers, chocolate, iced coffee, food. As much as you liked the attention, you didn’t know how much longer you would let it go on for. Both guys where constantly fighting for your attention and it was kinda making your head spin. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to choose, it’s was more you couldn’t choose, you had amazing connections with both guys and clicked over different things. Also you had been burnt badly in the past and wanted to give your heart a break from relationships.

Another day meant another argument between the two over you. Dropping your spanner on the floor, the sound of the metal hitting the concrete drew the attention of both guys.

“Look I am fucking flattered that you are both fighting for my attention but this needs to fucking stop” you said causing them to look shocked at your outburst. “I know what you are doing, all the gifts I walk in to, you are both tryna win me over”

“So who would you pick?” Jax asked cockily making you shake your head.

“Yeah me or him lass?” Chibs asked.

Sighing to yourself as you lent on the bonnet of the car you was working on, you hated being put on the spot. 

“Honestly neither of yas” you said watching their faces drop. “Look I moved from Derbyshire and over to Charming to escape my past, I was in a very volatile relationship, one that I finally put an end to after 10 years. So right now I don’t want love, I don’t want a relationship okay”

Both guys stared at you dumbfounded.

“You are both amazing and honestly if I had to chose I don’t think I would be able to, I click with both of you in different ways” you shrugged. “It was fun seeing how far you would take it, but now you are arguing over me every day I need to put a stop to it”

“A understand lass” Chibs nodded.

“So no more gifts, no more lunches” you smiled “well maybe don’t stop the iced coffees” you winked before getting back to work.

As the guys waked into the club house you could hear them bickering away like an old married couple. 

“We both know she would have chose me anyway” Jax laughed playfully pinching Chibs.

“Ye wish Jackie Boy” Chibs laughed.

You knew full well that whilst you was part of this crazy family they wouldn’t stop fighting for your attention. Let’s blame that on them other being alpha males. But you knew that you would never get bored whilst they tried to eventually to win you over.

Should you fight my F/O’s?

tagged by @wildcardwithaheart

*glances at my list* I am no mathematician but the odds, they don’t look like they’re in your favor. 

Lea

You know that saying? The one that goes “Don’t play with fire or you’ll get burned”? Yeah, if you play a game of rowdy rumble with the bastard fire man odds are you’ll come out of it charbroiled to perfection with Outback Steakhouse narrating your demise in the background. On the other hand, if a couple angry 15-16 year olds can kick his ass then so could you if you swing hard enough; in which case I could use a good laugh.

3/10― If he starts snapping his fingers ya gonna look like a burnt chicken nugget.

Ludwig 

He would really rather not fight you. Like, seriously, please don’t fight him. If you make it past the Glare™ then kudos to you, but honey, you got another storm coming. He’s got almost 150 years of experience under his belt and is built like a god. You’re like a couple grapes to him.

2/10― At least he’ll take you to the hospital.

Tooru

All he has going for him is slap damage― I mean, have you seen the marks a volleyball player can leave on a person when they hit you?? You’ll get some wicked bruises for sure, and he’s had a bit of experience dodging Iwaizumi’s tough love, but beyond that he’s what the kids call a chump. Please kick his ass, I’ll get the popcorn.

8/10― Talk shit get hit dummykawa.

The OT4

Obito― Ya I wouldn’t mess with the Ghost of Konoha. He’ll phase through everything and snipe your ass before you can formulate step two of your game plan. Unless he manages to trip himself in the first 3 seconds, you’re not gonna win, and even then the odds are too slim to be in your favor. 1/10― At least he’s not a dick like Kakashi.

Kakashi― If he bothers with you then he’ll unleash the kids on you first, and if you somehow make it past the little gremlins then you’ll get to play with the puppies. If another miracle ensues then he’ll face you, but he won’t put the book down and before you know it you’ll be strung up like the spring chicken you are. 0/10― He’s a dick, but you signed up for this.

Rin― Your first mistake will be getting distracted by her cute face and assuming she wouldn’t hurt a fly. Your second mistake would be letting her touch you. She’s a medic-nin with the power of the Sanbi and a lot of bombs on her side. -10/10― God can’t help you now.

Ace

Listen, if Lea is bad simply because he can manipulate fire, what do you think you can do against a guy that can literally become it? Unless you’re gonna really come up to me and say that you can turn yourself into a giant fire extinguisher then I suggest you start backing away. Oh, and did I mention that he’s fucking feral? He used to beat up giant tigers when he was a kid! Fucking lions and tigers and bears oh my damn. But if you wanna get your ass kicked then be my guest.

0/10― The risk you took was calculated, but man, were you bad at math.

tags: @dapper-ships-herself @daylightlullabies @dorky-self-shipper @shirorabu and anyone else that would like to play

ummm please do an angst blurb????? With roger

So i finally got around to writing one of these blurbs. I thought I’d put the two of these together in one blurb, hope that’s ok with you both!! This has really gone WAY past blurb territory and into full fic, i’m sorry I’m literally incapable of doing anything else pmsl

Word count: 2.5 k LOL

Warnings: angst, mentions of unplanned pregnancy and abortion, some language, one brief mention of sex, difficult themes idk

————————

6 weeks.

It’s John who’s the first of them to walk in on you. Satthere, sobbing steadily in Freddie’s bathroom, pregnancy test in your shakingfingers.

He takes the stick from you gently. His voice is calm andquiet.

“I think this says you’re pregnant, love.”

You choke out a shaky laugh.

“Yeah, no shit.”

You hear more people begin to file in to find you still sat onthe toilet, head in your hands. You look up and count five people now, stoodawkwardly in the doorway, Roger’s flavour of the month included. She’s lookingat you like you’re some sort of exhibit at the zoo. Your jeans are still aroundyour ankles. Not the greatest feeling ever.

“Who are you?” You direct the question towards Roger’s leggyredhead, violently swallowing a sob. “You don’t live here.”

It’s rude, and she looks offended, but you’re past caring.

“I’m… I’m Cheryl.” She says, voice sugary sweet and lacedwith hurt, and you feel like smashing her face in even though she hasn’t doneanything wrong.

“Do you know who the father is?” Deaky’s asking in thekindest, gentlest whisper and he’d have you sobbing afresh if there were anymore tears left to cry.

And you don’t even have to say anything. It only takes oneshattering look at Roger and then everyone in the room knows it’s his.

You don’t remember much of what happens after that- there’sa lot of muddled shouting as the bathroom quickly descends into chaos - but thelook on that poor girl’s face as Brian leads her away down the hallway is burntinto your retinas for the rest of the week.

10 weeks.

 You needed someone to come and pick you up from the clinicafter the abortion, they said. It was the rules. They couldn’t letyou take the bus home on your own.

Deaky turns up, bless him, bunch of flowers and a bag fromMcDonalds in his hands. You take one look at him and burst into tears,explaining to him through sobs that you backed out, that at the last minute,you just couldn’t go through with it. You couldn’t get rid of your baby.

“I’m so scared, Deaky.” You tell him later, sat in his carin the clinic carpark, stuffing your face with chicken nuggets that are gettingall mixed in with snot and hot tears. “Roger’s gonna be so mad with me, isn’t he?”

“Of course he’s not.” He’s reassuring you, voice soft. “He’llbe over the moon.”

You look up at him, full of doubt, searching his face forany sign of the same.

“He was gutted he couldn’t be the one to take you today.”

You thought of Roger guiltily.

You’d asked John to be the one to pick you up almost as soonas you’d gotten off the phone with the doctor. When you told Roger about it hisface fell a mile, but he’d covered it up so quickly that you’d chalked itup to your imagination.

16 weeks.

 He carries on fucking other women and you pretend you don’tcare. You don’t need anyone. Just baby and you, together against the world.

And it works for a while, until one day someone spits at youin the street and calls you a slapper while you’re waiting for the bus. You’rebump’s hardly even there yet - that’s how you know it’s gossip, and then suddenlyit’s even worse.

You want to spit right back. You want to call him an old dinosaur,tell him that this is the 1970s and that he should get with the times becauseyou’re doing this on your own, thank you very much.

But you don’t do any of that. Instead you spend the wholeride home with your face hidden in your big coat, burning with the shame of it.

You get in and dial Roger’s number, not really sure what itis you want to say but then a giggling girl picks up and you slam down thereceiver and cry.

18 weeks.

 You swallow your nerves and go to one of their gigs,drinking orange juice when everyone else is drinking beer, feeling massivelyout of place with your tummy – getting quite big by now - in the middle of thisskeezy bar. A girl Roger’s been flirting with looks at you and asks, “Who’s thefatty?” and he honest to God smirks before quickly wiping it offhis face and telling her not to be rude.

 That was it.

After that, you just couldn’t be the same around them. Anyof them. You drifted away from your friends as your stomach grew and grew,feeling more alone than ever.

 You’d have to drop out of college soon.

23 weeks.

 You had planned on telling him straight away, you reallyhad. It was just a bit difficult, willing yourself to go around there or to pickup the phone, to dial the number you’d dialled so many times you could do it inyour sleep.

It’s in the supermarket that you see him, down the breadaisle, and his eyes flash to your bump immediately then jerk away again, justlike everyone else.

“How’ve you been?” He asks his feet. “Feels like I’ve notseen you in ages.”

That’s what he always says.

“You must be pretty far along by now.”

“About six months.”

Neither of you says anything, and you’ve both moved to walkaway when you look back at him and add, almost as an afterthought: “It’s agirl, by the way.”

“A girl.” 

Roger nods stoically, but his voice cracks and hegives himself away. His eyes are watering, grip far too tight on that pint ofmilk he’d run in for. “Great.”

He forces a smile and your heart breaks.

26 weeks.

 You make yourself go around to Fred and Roger’s apartment.The baby’s been kicking all afternoon, and you decide it’s only fair her fathergets to feel it.

“We haven’t seen you in a while, darling.” Freddie says withpoorly disguised pity when he opens the door, and you want the ground toswallow you up.

For once, Roger’s alone. You go into his room and sit downon the bed and he puts his hands on your stomach, waiting for a kick.

He stares up at you expectantly. Nothing.

“Talk to her.”

He looks unsure at first, but almost as soon as he startsspeaking she kicks like mad.

“She knows I’m her dad!” 

Roger’s grinning, wild withexcitement, and then you’re sobbing again and his face falls.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, grabbing your hands and you pullaway, wiping your tears.

“Pregnancy hormones.” You say.

It’s only half a lie.

“Tell me.” He presses, brows knitted together in concern andhe’s just so hard to lie to when he does that.

“I just- “You struggle, flapping your hands around andhyperventilating through a fresh round of tears. “I just don’t know what I’mgoing to do, Rog.”

It tails off into a pathetic sob and Roger’s pulling youinto him, holding you as close as he can to his body with your bump in the wayand he’s shushing you steadily.

“Hey, hey,” He whispers gently, rubbing circles into yourback. “Your mum’ll come around.”

You’re shaking your head. No chance of that.

When you’d broken the news to your parents that there wasn’tgoing to be a wedding, they’d refused to give you any more support. You thought that they were just angry, that soon enough they would calm down and startacting rationally. But that was months ago and they still weren’t picking upyour calls.

“She hasn’t so far.” You said dismally into Roger’sshoulder.

“She’ll come around when she sees her granddaughter.”  He says with so much sureness, so muchcalmness in his voice that you want to slap him.

You pull away from him and look him in the eyes.

“Will you come around when you see her?”

It’s no louder than a whisper, but he heard what you saidfine well. You feel pathetic.

He can’t even look you in the eye.

~~~~~~~~

It’s later that night when the phone rings.

It’s him. You know that when all you can hear on the end ofthe line is his unsteady breathing.

“Alright.” he says when he finally speaks, and you can tellby his voice that he’s been crying. “Let’s give this a try.”

And at first, you’re so mad. You hiss and spit venom at himthrough the receiver. You can’t believe him. Don’t want to believe him.

“So you feel her kick and then all of a sudden your baby’sreal, is that it?!” You shout, and his answering voice is so low that it scaresyou into silence.

“Our baby was real to me the day you took that fucking test.”

His voice softens.

“I’m just- I’m an idiot, ok?”

You can’t speak.

“I’m stupid. I’m a stupidboy.”

“Rog-”

“-and I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry.”

You hear his breathing grow erratic as he pleads with you.

“And I just want us to be a family so much-”

Your tears are falling freely by now.

“But it just felt like you didn’t want me. You – you starteddistancing yourself from me and I didn’t know what to do and I just- I just hadto bow out.”

“I’m sorry.” He saysagain.

“Rog- “

“I guess I just-“

“Roger.”

He’s silent for a beat.

“What?”

“I love you.”

He breathes the biggest sigh of relief, and you canpractically hear him beaming on theother end of the receiver.

34 weeks.

 You and Bri sit giggling on the sofa, watching Rog sweat andstruggle as he attempts to assemble the flatpack cot.

There’s an old Christmas film playing on the TV in thebackground, and Rog and Bri are drinking mulled wine. You, the mum-to-be(everyone calls you that now), are drinking hot chocolate.

You’re just about letting yourself believe that this is whatfamily looks like. Not just you and Roger and baby but the boys as well, andVeronica – lovely Veronica, John’s girlfriend, who’s even bigger than you are.You’re so excited to raise your children together.

“Why am I putting this together here anyway?” Roger’s askingsuddenly, peering up at you from the floor over his complicated instructionleaflet and your gaze snaps up.

“What, Rog?”

“Well surely it’s going to be too big to get it through thedoor.”

You look over at Brian for any clues, but he won’t meet youreyes.

“So annoying that you live on the top floor, too.” Roger’s mumblingto himself, scratching his head absentmindedly as he wrestles with the endless foldingbooklet. You squint at him.

“Roger, what are you on about?”

He looks at you like you’re thick, over-pronouncing everyword of his next sentence as if you’re stupid, not pregnant.

“Well surely, it wouldbe easier to just put it up at ours instead of carting it half way across town.”

You’re silent.

Brian’s all of a sudden very interested in the TV remote.

“Or is this just a practise run?” He says. You click on towhat he’s saying all too late.

“Because- because…” He continues, unsure. Nervous. “Becauseyou’re going to be moving in once she’s born.”

He phrases it more like a question. More silence. You’dnever talked about this.

“Aren’t you?”

Roger looks between Brian and you, and then down at yourtummy, as if looking for his daughter to back him up.

“Aren’t you?” Herepeats.

When you don’t answer, he starts babbling.

Babbling about how Queen are actually starting to earn a bitof money now. About how his flat’s got more room than yours. That it’s betterthan nothing. That it’s just until you find something.And you’re here half the time anyway. And wouldn’t it make sense. To have both of her parents underthe same roof.

“Roger, I don’t know about this.” Is all you say, and it’sno louder than a whisper.

You know it makes sense. You’ve even thought about it beforeyourself. It’s just looking at himnow with his glasses on, putting that cot together and he looks so sad and hopeful and so like a dad all at the same time and it’s just too much.

“I’m not ready.” You say. “I’m not, I can’t – I can’t dothis.”

Suddenly you’re panicking about more than just apartmentsand you realise that you’re not exactly sure when Roger Taylor became thelogical one out of the two of you.

“Well you’re going to have to get ready.” He whispers, serious and sincere, and he crawls over towhere you’re sitting and puts his hands on your belly. “Because she’s coming.”

You’re silent for a long time, until you take his hands andlook into his eyes and nod shortly.

“Ok.” You hear yourself say. “Ok let’s do it.”

The relief on his face is really something.

He surges towards you for a kiss which you quickly deepen,and then he’s pulling you out of the room, stepping over the littered ruins ofthe crib and leaving Brian blushing furiously on the sofa.

~~~~~~~

“Do you really still… y’know?” Brian wonders quietly to Roglater, when he thinks you’re asleep lying in Roger’s lap. “Even when she’s thisfar along?”

“It’s actually pretty great.” He admits, and you can hearthe bashful grin in Roger’s voice as he says it.

“And anyways,” he adds a little bit later, stroking yourhair as you try not to smile and let on you’re awake. “We’re making up for losttime.”

—————————————————————-

3 years old.

 You smile at the memories as you watch your little girl toddlingaround the living room, babbling nonsense.

 It’s 1973, and your husband and hisband are scheduled to appear on television at 9 o’clock sharp. It’s well pasther bedtime, but just this once, you thought, you’d let her stay up. You thoughtit would be nice for her to see her daddy on the screen. He’d been working awayso much lately, and you were both missing him.

“Don’t you wonder whathe’s getting up to, when he’s away all the time?” People would always ask,and it used to annoy you. Not anymore. “Don’t you worry he’s got a girlfriend in every port?”

 You’d be lying if you said that the thought had nevercrossed your mind, especially in the beginning. But after thebirth of your daughter, it soon became pretty clear that there was only onegirl Roger would ever had eyes for again.

You hear the Top of The Pops theme tune start to play andyou smile vaguely as Daisy starts shouting excitedly about her daddy.

Your life had turned out to be quite different to how youhad imagined. But as you look up into the TV screen and see the love of yourlife smiling back at you, you realise that you could never, ever wish for it to be any other way.

A TayTay Approved Quinoa Recipe

So, I’m still deciding what verticals I’m going to focus on for MMF, but I wanted to share this recipe since I have a pretty picky eater on my hands. When TayTay was eating purees she was open to everything. There were very few things I made for her that she wouldn’t eat. But once we started introducing table foods, the pickiness began. *sigh* 

We’ve definitely been in a food rut with her and I’m literally tired of serving her chicken nuggets and veggie infused taters. Ironically, she’s open to food if you serve it to her from regular sized utensils. And it turns out that she’s a big fan of quinoa, as long as you give it to her from your own fork or spoon. 

Quinoa is considered a staple grain in a few parts of the world but has risen to prominence thanks to food trendies who are always looking for the next big thing. Truthfully, if you despise gentrification and the commodification of cultures, quinoa is a victim of that scenario. But socioeconomic think pieces aside, quinoa is a great alternative to traditional grains like rice which often get a bad name. However, quinoa can be about as boring as toast if you don’t cook it right. 

In addition to being gummy if cooked improperly, it can be really bland if you eat a batch with little to no seasoning in it. And up until about two years ago, every time I had quinoa, it was always some sad bland variation that made it forgettable in the dish but memorable as a “no-go” ingredient. Fast forward to earlier this year and since I’m *trying* to do the Mediterranean Diet, I decided to give quinoa a try in my own kitchen versus eating it as a neutral ingredient in bowls at places like Pret A Manger or Panera. So, this is my recipe/cooking style for making flavorful quinoa and the added bonus is that my daughter loves this stuff. 

Notes: I base my cooking steps off of this how-to quinoa article but I added much more flavoring. So, I’m not going into the deep details of why you should do each step. You’ve got eyes, go read the article from the link above. 

Ingredients: 

2 cloves of garlic half a lemon juiced salt pepper Adobo 1 packet chicken boullion  1 cup quinoa 2 cups water

Cooking Steps

1. In a pan or pot (really doesn’t matter) drizzle a little bit of olive oil (or the oil of your choice) and set the heat to medium/medium high (depending on your stovetop). 

2. Dice the garlic and add to the warm oil and allow to cook until garlic is translucent.

3. Rinse the quinoa thoroughly in water for 30 seconds to 1 minute. Use a small strainer for this step.

4. Squeeze excess water out of the quinoa and transfer to the pot/pan. Toast the quinoa to fully remove excess water. This shouldn’t take more than 5 to 10 minutes depending on your stovetop’s heat, but you might want to turn the heat down a bit to keep the quinoa from transitioning from toasty to burnt.

5. Add the 2 cups of water, seasonings and lemon juice and stir. Once you get a strong boil, give the mix one more stir and then set to medium. Let the quinoa cook for 15 to 20 minutes or until all the water is absorbed. 

6. Once the quinoa looks “dry” turn the heat off but let it sit for another 5 minutes. 

7. Fluff the quinoa and serve.

Now you have a yummy bowl of quinoa which is healthier than rice, super tasty and that little ones will love! 

all of them for Elizabeth!

p a r k e r

thank you for letting me ramble on about my bb

Their age?

25, she turns 26 shortly after the game begins!

Their sexuality/sexual preference?

Asexual, biromantic

Any siblings/Only child?

Twin brother, Ryan, and foster sister that died when they were 10.

Their favourite season?

Spring!

Who were/are their parents/guardians?

She doesn’t really remember many adult figures in her life before she was 10 - she remembers a priest that took her and Noah in, but that’s about it. She was found by her family at 10 - both of her parents are still alive.

Their gender?

Cis female.

Their date of birth?

9 September, 1992

What clothing style?

Uhm. It varies. She has her farm wear, casual, baggy clothes that are usually made of natural fibers, as well as subtle EGL.

What is their favourite food after a break-up?

Spaghetti!

Their favourite thing to do after a break-up?

Disaster movies.

What happens in the ‘honeymoon phase’ for this character?

….She doesn’t even realise she’s in it.

How many serious relationships have they been in?

Sharky and Jess are her first.

What is their nationality?

Half Japanese, half white American.

What languages do they speak?

Japanese and English

What is their profession/Education?

She has a business degree, though she didn’t really want the degree. She’s a horse breeder/trainer currently.

Their favourite comfort food?

Chicken nuggets!

What’s a food they hate?

Steak

Their music taste?

....Anything.

Literally. Cult music? great. Wheaty’s station? Fantastic. Post-Collapse survivor radio? awesome. Highwaymen radio? They have some jams!

Is there a story behind their name/meaning?

Uh... She’s an OC I’ve had since I was 16 lol - she started as Victoria, then Victoria Elizabeth, and she’s been Elizabeth Victoria since i was ~18.

Something they do that seems childish to others?

does setting things on fire count

What is their all-time favourite TV show?

Mad Men

What is their all-time favourite movie?

San Andreas!

How big is their family?

Her core family? 4 people. She doesn’t talk to them much, though, and happily counts the citizens of Hope County as her family.

Are they close to anyone specific in the family?

Nope.

Have they got any allergies?

Cats. She doesn’t care.

Eggs, too - that’s a little tricky to avoid in Hope County, but she’s figured it out.

Are they an emotional person?

Yep.

Do they get angry/lose their temper quickly?

She tries not to, but when she does... Boom.

What are some of their guilty pleasures?

Burnt-marshmallow smores, chocolate bunnies, riding her horse through John Seed’s property...

Do they have pets? Do they want pets?

She has a few horses and a barn cat, but no house pets. She’d love one, but it just... hasn’t happened.

Do they like kids? Do they want kids/have kids?

She likes kids, but is super awkward with them. She doesn’t really think that kids are in her future, and then uh... Sharky happens ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Who’s cuddle buddy are they?

Sharky and Jess!

Do they have any tattoos?

Nope

Do they have any piercings?

Nope lol

What is their hair colour? Is it their natural colour?

She had dyed her hair blonde before moving to Hope County, but she realised how difficult that would be to keep up while there, so she went back to her natural dark brown lol

Do they like musicals?

Yes!!

Do they like marmite?

Nope lol

Do they like glitter?

hell yes

Do they believe in the supernatural?

Yes!

Have they ever seen a dead body?

A lot.

Have they ever had a near-death experience?

Yup - back when she was a kid, she knows she had a few, but she can’t remember them.

Have they ever broken a bone?

Yup

What are they like when they’re drunk/what kind of drunk are they?

She doesn’t drink! She thinks she would be a sleepy drunk, though lol

Have they ever drunk underage?

She did, and that’s when she decided to not drink again lol

What is the first thing they do when they wake up?

....Rolls over and tries to go back to sleep.

Or: grabs a cereal bar before heading out to check on the horses. She’s not the best at eating properly first thing in the morning lol

Do they consider themselves popular?

Nope.

How do they like their tea/coffee?

Iced tea, no coffee.

What do they smell like?

Horses, usually lol - or lavender.

Are they a virgin?

Yes

Do they wear glasses/contacts?

Nope! She has reading glasses, but she doesn’t need them often.

Are they good at remembering significant dates? Anniversaries, birthdays etc?

she’s horrible with dates. Like, omg.

Guns for Hire

Ramsay Bolton x Reader

ao3

Summary:  You are the wife to the Heir of the Red Kings, Ramsay Bolton. living the undercover life of a mob wife has its perks, and you love your husband. But you find out something that seems to unfold a series of unwanted events…

Chapter 52: Wind of Change

[You: meet me in the den in 10.]

You stood there wondering if you had time to make it to your bedroom to change before having to be in the living area.

[Matt: already here.]

You'd better not risk it. Ramsay was already stressed and on the verge of a snap.

[Ben: 10-4]

[Alyn: give me like 5 min.]

[You: better hurry or I will break your knee caps, Alyn!]

You examined the ugly curtains as you walked down the hall. Those would definitely have to go. What century were they even from? Gross.

You entered the den to find Matt and Alyn, arguing over baseball teams.

"What's up?" Alyn asked as you took your seat beside him.

"I want to get Rams out for the night. He's turning into a cranky old businessman." You said with a heavy sigh.

"I can't go. Race night. Have a spot to defend." Alyn said with an apologetic shrug.

You frowned and shot a look at Matt, who quailed under your glare.

"I'm free." He said quickly as Ben walked in, looking rather angry.

"Stop yelling at me, woman!" He yelled as Carmen could be heard shouting from down the hall.

"Not even going to ask you, because you're coming. You could use a drink or five." You said as Ben threw himself in a chair with an irritable growl.

"Where we goin'?" Matt asked.

"Dunno. I'm always just along for the ride, you boys can choose."

"Well, what are you wanting to do?" Ben asked, eyeing you closely.

"Find someone for my husband to take his frustration out on." You said.

Ben gave an understanding nod, "right. Got a couple places we could go. Are you feeling expensive rich or just rich?"

You snorted, "does it matter?"

"Nah, rich people are shitbags." Ben chuckled, motioning to your group.

"Hey, don't include me in that. I'm not rich." Matt chuckled.

"Nah, you just now have temporary residence in a manor where people wait on you hand and foot, make more money a week than most do in a month, own a brand new Corvette with thousands of dollars of custom work done on top of the list price, and head a street gang with a bloody reputation." Ben laughed, "oh, and at the age of eighteen. You are such a little Ramsay."

Matt flushed, shrugging in defeat, giving a shy grin.

Ramsay walked in, looking your group over. So small now with Damon gone. And even Yellow Dick. You wondered if Ramsay would fill in Yellow Dick's spot?

"Well?" He asked, looking over at you.

"I have two of three." You said, hopefully.

"Who's being a party foul?" Ramsay asked, frowning.

Alyn raised his hand, "Racing tonight."

Ramsay tutted and sucked his front teeth, "ever find out what happened to the Stark girl?"

Ben shook his head, "nothing. She's a ghost apparently. Like the rest of her family."

"Hm." Ramsay hummed, "Well I guess it doesn't matter. Where are we going?"

"There's a new club that just opened up on the north strip, not our kind of place. But it's  No Man's Land. I'm sure we could drop some elbows on Lions and Stags. Got some men itching to make some money." Ben said giving Ramsay a sly grin.

"Then let's go drop some elbows. We leave in three." Ramsay smirked, glancing down at his watch.

"I don't have to wear a tie do I? I'm really not cut out for that." Matt hummed, pulling his hat down over his eyes, crossing his arms, and pushing himself back into the couch as far as he could.

"I won't make you wear a tie, but you're not going to look like a slob, representing me." Ramsay said, kicking Matt's dirty shoes.

"Yessir." Matt yawned, pulling a blanket over him.

You rose from your seat, stomach rumbling.

"Well, I'm going to go raid the fridge." You said leaving the Boys.

You stood there staring at the shelves of the refrigerator with a small frown.

"Whatcha doin'?" Kaden asked, from his spot at the bar, drinking from his straw.

"Well it would seem that your Cousin Damon is hungry, but nothing seems appetizing to him." You sighed, closing the door.

"What kind of things does he like? Maybe you could add them all together." Kaden said, eyeing your belly.

You laughed, "I don't think it would taste very good honestly. What do you have goin' on there?"

Kaden held up a dinosaur chicken nugget, "Abuela made me dinner before she went to help mama. You can have some if you like."

"Dinos it is, then." You laughed. He beamed.

You made a plate and sat beside Kaden, who kicked his feet against his stool.

"What kind of vegetables do you like?" You asked.

"Peas are my favorite. And green beans. And corn." Kaden said brightly, looking down at his plate.

"Hm. Me too. Uncle Ramsay hates peas." You said, pushing your peas around on the plate.

"Well he just don't know what he's missin'." Kaden said, chewing on his straw.

You laughed. He sounded just like his father. Children. Perfect miniature versions of their parents. For the sake of your sanity, hopefully your son was more like you, not that you were any better than your husband... But maybe not quite so wild.

"So... do you eat the head or the tail first?" You asked, examining the t-rex closely.

"Depends." Kaden shrugged, tearing into his nugget.

"On?" You asked, watching the boy with a grin.

"Oh, don't be stupid. It depends on the time of day and rotational tilt of the earth in the fourth year in the trans-something-or-another orbital... shit." Ramsay said with an air of superiority, yet finishing rather lamely.

You snorted and rolled your eyes, pulling your hand away from him.

"Get your own, good sir." You shrieked, waving your husband away.

"I'm afraid mine have all gone extinct." Ramsay sighed in mock sadness, glancing down at his watch, "they all moved from Jurassic Park to Jurassic World."

You laughed. Kaden crinkled his brows in confusion.

"Kid! Why did you let her force those nasty little things on you?" Ramsay said in distaste, looking down at the peas.

"We like peas." You said, sticking your tongue out.

"Yeah. We like the good stuff." Kaden pipped up, finally setting his fork down long enough to speak.

"Knock some sense into you, boy." Ramsay tutted, taking a seat beside you.

You looked at your husband fondly. He was quite a character. How could someone so full if anger and rage, and yet act like he had no emotions, be so charming and funny? How did he do it?

"Ah! There you are, tiny ese. I've been looking everywhere for you." Ben sighed, walking in.

"Sorry, he was my dinner date." You said, offering a smile, holding up your nugget and biting its head off.

"Nah, it's cool. Just didn't want my ass chewed by the devil woman." Ben said, glancing around hopefully for food, swiping a handful of nuggets from the tray. "You know, these are the best drunk food. Kid you not."

"Children." Ramsay tutted, rolling his eyes.

"Says the man with thirty boxes of Scooby-Doo gummy snacks." You said with a sly grin.

He shrugged, pushing his stool away from the bar and standing.

You finished the last of your food, "sweetheart, I enjoyed our dinner. Maybe we can do it again sometime. Maybe you can help me make pizza. I make really good pizza dough."

"The best." Alyn added, walking in, "right I'm out of here. Need to change tires. I'll be back sometime tonight. Don't plan on racing all night, but got some other shit to do."

"Like what?" Matt asked, walking in behind Alyn, swiping a soda off the counter.

"Your mom." Alyn chuckled, side stepping Matt's fist and shaking Ramsay's hand.

"Well, I'm going to go get dressed, I guess, while you three pregame." You said, sliding from your stool.

Ramsay slapped your ass as you walked past. You threw him a dirty look, heat rising in your face as Kaden giggled.

Halfway up the stairs you ran into Carmen.

"Have you seen my little one?" She asked.

"Him and I just finished dinner. He was still in the kitchen with Ben when I left." You smiled, pushing up the stairs.

You glanced out a window at a cloudy, twilit sky as you walked past.

"Whew. I'm getting too pregnant for this." You muttered, crossing your room to your closet. You glanced the dresses over with a small frown as the door clicked behind you. Grey fuzz and a tiny meow wound around your leg as you turned to see Ramsay standing there.

"There you are. I was beginning to worry you were lost somewhere." You said with a small smile, glancing down at Herman. You looked up at your husband, "what am I dressing for? Is it cold?"

"A bit of a chill in the air. Just be grungy. We are rich enough to afford that look without being looked down on." Ramsay shrugged, pulling his tie from over his head and tossing it on the bed.

You crossed over to him, slowly unbuttoning his shirt and kissing each bit of skin you exposed.

He drew a deep breath, resting his hands on your hips as you kissed across his chest. The cuts from the night before still hot and angry, yet scabbed over nicely... or as nicely as scabs and cuts went.

"How was work?" You asked, resting you cheek to his left breast and listening to his heartbeat.

"Fucking bullshit. Losing roughly twelve point five in sales, as everything burnt to the ground. Someone, and if I ever find out who, they are more than dead, set up some dodgy fucking insurance scam. So all building and replacing will come out of pocket. So that's easily another three to four months of lost income." He said bitterly.

"Yes, maybe... But, the bar opens next Saturday. And you've projected a decent amount of legit income from that." You said with an encouraging smile as you pulled away from him to find a pair of jeans and band tee.

"When is the last time you talked to Olyvar?" He asked, stepping into the closet with you, nudging the cat out of the way.

"Hmm... been a couple days. Why?" You said, grabbing a pair of jeans from a hanger.

"Just curious. You seem rather distant from him in the last few months." He shrugged, examining two pairs of jeans.

"We've all had a lot going on. He understands. But after the bar opens, we will be able to see one another a lot more." You said, sliding your pants down, and pulling your shirt off to change.

"Is it weird that I find you extremely fucking hot while you're pregnant?" He asked, running his eyes over you with a wolfish grin.

"I'm going to say no, for the sake of my self-esteem." You grinned, struggling to button your pants and finally giving up with a frustrated sigh.

Ramsay pulled you into him, nipping at your ear, "leave them like that. I will make it worth it."

"Is that so?" You purred, pushing a finger into his bare chest.

"Have I ever failed you yet, little mama?"

You gave an embarrassed grin, pulling a shirt from its hanger and sliding it over your head.

"How long do I have?" You asked, walking into the bathroom and crossing the cold marble floor to a vanity in the corner.

"Long as you want." Ramsay shrugged, leaning in the doorway and watching you as you plugged a curling iron in.

"Well, give me about thirty minutes and I will be ready." You said, looking at him through the mirror.

"Aye, aye." Ramsay hummed, pushing off the door frame and leaving.

×××

Ramsay helped you from the car, dropping the keys in the valet's hand and grabbed the teenager by the front of his shirt, "fuck her up at all and I will kill you. Literally." He growled, shoving the kid away from him.

"Y-yes sir." The kid nodded, eyes wide in fear, clutching the keys to his chest.

You grabbed Ramsay's hand and pulled him along, "stop being so grouchy."

Ramsay clucked, "I'm not grouchy, woman."

"Mhm, and I'm not almost six months pregnant." You replied, leading him to where Ben and Matt were leaning against a wall.

"Haven't seen that shirt in a minute." Ben said, glancing your shirt over.

You had chosen one of Ramsay's old band tees, as none of your shirts were long enough to hide the fact that your pants were unbuttoned and only halfway zipped.

"Yeah, guess I had left it in my closet when I left home. Shit ton of other things I forgot I had." Ramsay said, looking at the shirt with an almost uncharacteristically sad smile, that made you feel as though you should have chosen something else.

"Scorpions, man. Best concert ever. I miss Dame whistling 'Wind of Change'. He always did it at the worst times." Ben grinned with the same sad look.

You gave Matt a quick glance who gave you the same look. Two outsiders intruding on heartbreak.

Ramsay laced his fingers in yours and led you through the doors.

It was loud, dim, and you could feel the music drumming in your chest as people walked around wearing glow sticks and very revealing clothing.

You pulled Ramsay along with you to an empty table near the most vacant side of the club.

You made to sit but Ramsay pulled you into his lap as Matt and Ben waded through the crowd towards the bar.

You watched people dance, laugh, and shout at one another in loud, drunken voices as Ramsay rested his chin on your shoulder, occasionally biting at your neck.

Ben returned with a tray of shots, and a few moments later Matt returned with Tyene on his arm, who was closely followed by Obella.

You smiled brightly at them both and gave them brief one armed hugs.

Ben passed out the shots and Matt sat a glass of water in front of you as you shed your jacket, placing it in the empty chair beside you were a shot for Damon had been set.

"So glad you came. We have some news." Tyene said, sitting beside you and Ramsay.

"Well, spill the beans." You prompted, leaning forward to rest your elbows on the table as Ramsay ran his hand up the back of your shirt, tugging at your bra strap.

"Tyrion Lannister has been spotted, in the presence of some blonde. No one seems to know exactly who she is. Working on that. Cersei is going off the deep end. Really twisting the Tyrell's into doing all her dirty work. Heard she's about to put in for running for mayor", -Ramsay snorted into his glass- "Right? Anyways, Feds are crawling all over. Upturning every rock. Asking all kinds of questions to all kinds of people. Offering safety and amnesty for cooperation and shit. It's getting weird." Tyene finished by taking a long drink from Matt's glass.

"Maybe I should have Alyn drop the spot and not race tonight..." Ramsay said thoughtfully, glancing at his watch again.

You squirmed in discomfort as baby movements caught you unawares in the ribs.

"But you girls are safe? No problems from anyone?" You asked, glancing the club over and taking a sip of water.

"Not yet. Just a matter of time. With Papa's record, we will be targeted." Obella cut in.

You looked at the two girls and frowned, "keep your ears and eyes open, but don't engage in anything. Please. For your safety. The Boys and Kings can take care of the muscle. Report anything suspicious to me immediately. I will come by the shop tomorrow. I'm taking my soon to be sister in law dress shopping and all that jazz. Mostly I'm just ready to cake taste, but... whatevs."

"You didn't tell me that." Ramsay frowned, giving you a hard look and digging a nail into your back.

"Sorry baby. I guess I forgot. Kind of been a long few days." You said, offering an apologetic smile.

He merely clucked in annoyance, watching people walk by.

You leaned back into Ramsay who seemed to have melted into his chair as he continued to drink and light cigarette after cigarette.

"You okay?" You asked, kissing at his ear.

"Fine." He sighed, wrapping his arms around you, resting his hands on your belly.

"Liar." You hissed, grinding your ass into his pants.

He pushed his hips into you and let a smirk form.

"You are evil." He chuckled, sitting up straight and pulling you further back into him.

"I learned from the best." You winked, nipping the corner of his mouth.

"Have you found someone yet? I'm getting bored. This place blows."

"Bored? Well we can't have that now, can we?" You said, standing up and glancing around.

"What are you doing?" He asked, resting his elbows on the table and watching you through narrowed eyes.

"Making it a bit more fun." You grinned walking away into the crowd.

You glanced back to see Ramsay sitting there in momentary confusion before he rose from his seat, as someone bumped you in the arm.

You turned to see who it was. A very drunk man, who grabbed your arm painfully with a grin.

You looked at him in disgust and pulled away from him. You glanced him over quickly, taking his image in so you could find him later before pushing on further into the alcohol perfumed crowd.

You glanced around to find yourself alone in a group of strangers, all having a good time. It was hot and you quickly grew tired of people bumping into you, afraid someone may accidentally hurt your pregnant belly. You pushed through the crowd until the breathing air became a bit cooler, and moving space was more ample. You turned to give a sweeping glance over the crowd again, grinning in triumph that you had given your husband the slip.

You turned back around and stifled a small gasp as Ramsay pressed his lips harshly to yours.

"Nice try. But I believe you are now 'it'." He chuckled, pulling you in closer, and sliding his tongue in your mouth.

You closed your eyes, relaxing into him, running your tongue over his, tasting the alcohol and cigarette smoke.

He pulled away from you when you were both breathless.

"I found the man I want to kill." You panted, pulling him back in for another kiss.

"Show me." He murmured against your lips with a dark grin.

"I don't know where he went. But he's wearing a dark button up with a purple tie. Dark hair, grey eyes. Wearing a stupid smirk like he owns the goddamn place." You said, glancing around again.

"Dark shirt, purple tie. Got it." He hummed, tugging you back along to your table.

It was as if the heavens knew how to deliver, as the man sat at your table, having a seemingly good time with your girls, Ben, and Matt.

Ramsay caught your eye and you gave a tiny nod and shrug.

"And who is our friend here?" Ramsay asked in polite interest, eyes glittering in the thrill of the hunt.

"Names Cley. Cley Cerwyn." The man said, glancing you over again.

"Hm. That last name sounds familiar?" Ramsay said, pretending to take an interest and sitting at the table, pulling you possessively into his lap.

"Yeah, maybe. Family full of cops. My father worked a lot with Ned Stark and his son." Cley said with a nod.

Ramsay snapped his fingers and gave a mock gasp of shock, "that's right. I know your father. Or knew your father, rather. I stomped his fucking head in a couple months back. Real pain in the ass he was."

You watched the man stare dumbfounded at Ramsay, who motioned to Matt and Ben before the man could register what was going on.

"Let's go have a bit of fun." Ramsay smirked, sliding you from his lap as Ben seemed to do no more than pat the guy on the shoulder as he slumped forward, unconscious. Looking simply as a passed out drunk.

"Oh, I love when you do that." Ramsay chuckled, looking down at the man.

Ben gave a grin and a wink as you waved to Obella and Tyene.

×××

"Well, this is new." You said, glancing around the abandoned building.

"Just found it. Haven't used it yet. Just a run down apartment complex. Set to be demolished soon." Ramsay said, opening a door for you.

You entered the flat, glancing around the empty place bathed in the orange glare from the street light outside. It had the smell of a house that had been left to sit and rot. You glimpsed a mouse running across the floor to get away from you.

Ramsay grabbed your hand and tugged you into a small kitchen. The cabinets open, appliances gone, but the outline of them etched on the walls. Ramsay turned on the sink tap, grinning as the water came out. He had no doubt had the water turned on, ready to use this place at least once before it was gone. You assumed it to be like a tiny little hidden gem for him and his sick games. There sat a bucket, which Ramsay had grabbed up to start filling with water, and a simple wooden chair. On the floor beside the chair sat a box of surgical gloves, a flashlight, and a rusty looking knife.

You looked out the kitchen window, watching a stray dog forage through rotten garbage at an over flowing dumpster. You had never been to this side of town other than when Ramsay made you sit and wait in the Nova as he took care of some financial business.

"How, um... populated is this area?" You asked, looking back at Ramsay, who sat the bucket of water down.

He shrugged and lit a cigarette, "pretty dense. But if you're afraid of anyone hearing anything or seeing anything it's all for not. People around here don't trust cops and have a serious bystander effect disease. Nobody wants the cops over here. Too much illegal shit going on."

You simply nodded as Ben and Matt came in, dragging Cley along, depositing him in the chair, tying his hands behind him, and securing his legs to the legs of the chair.

"Thank you, Boys. You are both free to go." Ramsay said, running his eyes over the still unconscious man.

"You sure?" Ben asked, looking from man to Ramsay.

Ramsay nodded, "just be sure to leave the front door unlocked for me."

Ben chuckled, grabbed Matt by the elbow and they both disappeared into the dark.

You sat up on the counter as Ramsay flipped the flashlight on. He said nothing until a minute or two after you heard the front door close.

"What's up? I know you didn't want to do this for shits and giggles. You look ready to pass out any second with your pregnant ass." Ramsay said, lighting a cigarette and leaning against the counter you sat on.

You sighed, "you told me never to fuck up. So I won't. I never meant to. I just... I love you Ramsay. So I thought we could have a heart to heart while making hearts stop."

"You are just a bleeding romantic, aren't ya?" He laughed, exhaling smoke through his nose.

You gave a laugh, "Well, maybe a bit. But really baby, we need to talk."

"Fire away." He murmured, pulling gloves on and glancing over at the unconscious man.

"I spoke to your father today." You said meekly.

"Why?" He asked, picking up a bucket of water.

"Because I hate him and I'm tired of him hurting you." You said, sliding from the counter, pulling your own gloves, and picking up the knife.

"He doesn't hurt me, baby doll." Ramsay replied, dumping the bucket of water on the man, who awoke with a scream.

Cley's eyes were wide in fear as he struggled against his restraints, trying to make words but failing miserably.

"Yes he does, baby. Last night... When you were in there. I walked in. I was worried about you. I heard the things you said. The things he said. You were hurting and upset." You said gently, stuffing the man's mouth with a cloth you pulled from Ramsay's back pocket.

Ramsay turned to you and gave you a long, sweeping look through glittering eyes, taking the knife from you.

"Why are you telling me this?" He demanded, rosy patches appearing on his cheeks.

You gave a soft smile and stepped into him. You grabbed him by the front of the shirt and pressed your lips to his.

He did not kiss you back immediately, but you pressed your lips harder to his, sliding your tongue in his mouth. He opened his mouth under yours and cupped your face.

You pulled away from him when you were winded, looking up at him with the same soft smile, "I'm telling you because I love you. I'm tired, baby. I am physically and mentally exhausted. I'm no good at all this sneaky, secret keeping bullshit. I'm good at things like... cooking, and riding horses, and shooting skeet. I'm not stupid, but I am a bit slow. You're always going. And I don't understand how. Damon told me you had to or you get lost in your head. What does that mean?"

"Damon told you that, huh?" He said, raising a brow and turning to the man you two were supposed to be torturing.

"The day he brought those pictures. I think he knew something was wrong. Told me not to fuck up. Told me I'm the foundation and not to crack." You said, taking the knife from your husband, and pressing the blade to the man's chest to cut away his shirt.

"He just meant that I'm suicidal. Which is apparent. But sometimes it's hard for me to tell if I want to engage in self harm to feel the rush or to end the rush. I don't want to die, but I couldn't give a shit if I did." Ramsay shrugged, grabbing the knife back.

"Baby, what did your father do to you?" You asked, watching him lean over the man to slide the knife just under the skin.

Cley screamed out in pain, making violent movements and further damaging his skin as the knife hacked and sawed at him in his struggle. The blood came down thick and bright red, like a continuous stream from the sink tap.

"Why does it matter?" He asked, making a quick, complicated movement and peeling flesh from the man.

You looked away as an unpleasant queasiness set in.

"Please tell me. I want to understand. I want to help you heal, the healthy way."

"Torture I guess is about all that needs to be said." Ramsay said, slowly sawing at the skin where it was still attached to the body, and watching the piece of flesh fall to the ground.

"Like?" You coaxed, stepping behind him and wrapping your arms around him, closing your eyes tight, ignoring the screams of agony and torture.

"He beat me, raped me, burned me, shocked me, half drown me... You know, stupid shit." Ramsay shrugged.

You listened to the rumble of his chest with a deep frown.

"Why is he still alive?" You asked, a fresh wave of anger forming as you pulled away from Ramsay and took the knife from him, stabbing the man in the leg as he continued to beg and scream into the gag.

"Because, now I get to force my company on him, and he has to endure twenty seven years worth of lost time with his youngest son." Ramsay smirked, biting his bottom lip as he watched you wrench the knife from the man's leg.

"I'm going to kill him. I am." You said, baring your teeth and pointing the knife at your husband.

"Oh?" Ramsay asked with a wicked grin.

You sat in a chair, ready to recount your encounter, thinking next time you would just record it. If there was a next time.

You took a deep breath and began your story.

He made a face, lit a cigarette, and turned back to the man who seemed to have passed out in pain. He made a small tsking noise and pushed the bucket to you.

You picked it up to fill it at the sink, watching him out of the corner of your eye as he listened to you recite the conversation from today with Roose. His face remained impassive and no emotion registered as you struggled with the heavy bucket.

He glanced at you, stepping in to take the bucket from you. Your words had long since ended, but he remained silent as he dumped the water on the victim, sat down on the bucket, and pushed a burning cigarette cherry into an open wound.

You watched the man scream and writhe in pain, trying to get away from Ramsay, tears streaking his face.

If carving skin could be considered an art, Ramsay Bolton would surely have been the Leonardo Da Vinci at it. Even with his dull, rusty blade, he seemed to cut through the flesh like sharp scissors to wrapping paper.

He offered you the knife but you declined with a small smile, assuring him that this victim was for him to play with, and you would help him with the next one.

You looked down in surprise when your phone rang, and even more surprised when you read Chase.

You stepped out into the next room, "hello?"

"Hey, I'm working nights this week. And one of the guys said I missed the excitement earlier. So I asked what was up, right? Two feds came in. Took all the case information on Clay's death and also wanted a gander at courthouse records on who bought all the land around here in the last few months." Chase blurted quickly.

You frowned, "any idea what their names were?"

"No. But I'll text it to you. Stay safe."

"Always. You too. Keep me posted. Oh! And you and the whole gang better be here next Saturday night." You said before hanging up.

You slid your phone back in your pocket and walked back into the room. With a purposeful stride you walked over to Ramsay, took his knife, and gutted your victim.

"Hey! What did you do that for? I was having fun." Ramsay chided, giving you a very displeased glare.

"We need to go home." You said, annoyed you couldn't keep your voice steady.

"What's wrong?" Ramsay asked, narrowing his eyes at you.

"Chase just called. Said some Feds came by the station to get information on Clay's death and got the information about who has bought all the land in the surrounding area. I'm afraid it's those Lannister men." You said, heaving a sigh and pinching the bridge of your nose, "what if they connect it all to us? What if they threaten my parents?"

"Baby girl, they can't possibly connect us. Yes, some of the purchased land is in my name, but there's nothing suspicious about that. It's your hometown, we are rich, of course I'm going to buy up land there for you. It's clean land. Nothing on it but a couple of houses that need demolished. I've covered my tracks." Ramsay said, taking the knife from you and giving a sad glare at the dead man.

"Still, if they are Lannister's, they know." You said, fear setting in at the thought of your parents.

"We will go home and clean up and I will see what's going on." Ramsay said, kissing your cheek as he walked past you to the door. He suddenly stopped, turned, and beamed at you with a mischievous grin.

"What?" You asked, raising a brow.

"You. You're funny. It's like you have a vendetta against men with the name Clay." He chuckled.

You looked over at Cley, his insides slowly pushing themselves further out of his gut, and gave a shrug. "Yeah, maybe so. Fucking douchebags. Now, let's go home. I'm fucking tired."

Sweepstakes

10/14/15

Guess who’s going on a cruise in December? This bitch right here! :D

Finally, all these years of entering contests and putting my name into prize draws has paid off! I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise guys. A whole two weeks out on the beautiful blue sea. Away from stupid work, away from all my responsibilities, and more importantly- away from freaking winter.

I’ll make a special tag for my cruise album so you all can keep up on it. Hearts!

11/13/15

The more I read about the features this cruise is having, the more I’m getting hyped for it. I’ve been going to tanning booths to make sure I have a bod that isn’t pasty white. My mom’s super jealous, but I only got the one ticket, and I’m the one going on that boat!

Seriously though. Dream come true. Twenty four hour buffets and room service. Fancy dinners every night with waiters that dance on the tables. A stop on a vacant island in the Bahamas to spend a day chilling on the beach, sipping drinks and swimming with dolphins. Spa. Hot tub. Shows every night. I will never be bored.

Maybe I’ll get lucky and come home with a hot babe too ;)

12/18/15

12:41 PM

Gonna be boarding soon! And get this- it’s the maiden voyage!

The ship’s called the Maenad, which is such a weird name, I know. But it’s sooooo pretty! So white and clean! I just hung out with this super sweet couple. The girl’s name is Adrienne, she’s a blogger too, I’ll try to link you to hers later, and her fiance’s name is Emery, and he’s. A. Hunk. He’s got the bod of a god (hehe it rhymes!). He’s got a super sexy voice, so low and smooth. And his smile, holy shit, his smile! I’m in love.

Sucks he’s taken, but I’ll just BFF it up with Adrienne.

1:16 PM

Well, boarding happened late, and hooooly crap you guys will not believe it.

Two guys got into a fist fight like, right as we began boarding. I don’t even know what caused it! Maybe they got their bags switched or maybe they just got cranky, I dunno. But the big guy just turned around and started whaling on the other dude. The other guy started squealing before he went for the cheap hits, like kidney punches and groin shots. By the time security managed to pull them away, the big guy’s face was purple because the little dude managed to get him in a headlock. Little dude was apparently tougher than I thought, even though his nose was smashed in and bloody.

I doubt they got let on the boat with that attitude. :P

The room’s… almost perfect. I thought I was getting a room with a balcony, buuuut guess not. Oh well, it’s still a cruise, and I still got internet! Paid out the ass for it, but can’t seem to upload any pics. Ugh. You’ll have to wait till I’m home. I’m gonna chill until dinner.

6:39 PM

Disappointed again. Dinner was cold. I just wanted to enjoy the buffet dammit! If I wanted cold, chewy nuggets I’d go to McDonald’s.

Ugh. I guess first day was always damned to go bad. I’ll just watch TV, if I can get a connection. Although good news, I found out Adrienne and Emery are right down the hall from me! We’re totally going to hang out tomorrow.

12/19/15

2:21 PM

So glad I have Adrienne around. Because otherwise today would be laaame.

Spa’s closed. Which was my plan for the first day! Adrienne is super bummed too. Lunch isn’t as bad today, at least it’s not cold. Poor Adrienne though, she went for the Chinese noodle things and ended up biting down on a chicken bone. She ended up just having some soft serve ice cream while crying about how her teeth hurt.

Tonight’s the first dinner though. Fingers crossed we get them dancing to What Does the Fox Say!

8:07 PM

No dancing. And my soup had a really bad aftertaste, super bitter. Dessert made up for it though, brownies! I ended up sitting with Adrienne and Emery. Emery’s a pilot! Like actually licensed and everything, he even owns his own plane. I asked if he could take me up sometime and he laughed and said it was only a two seater, but maybe!

Ugh, I think the couple across the hall are having a fight. I think their names are Evan and Corine. They’re about my age too but they’re always at each other’s throats! Even before boarding they were bickering with each other. So dumb. Why am I the only one single on this stupid boat?

12/20/15

3:21 AM

Had a supersuper bad nightmare oh my god I almost want to jump off the boat and start swimming home.

There was all this screaming, and these poor kitties, oh those poor kitties, people kept grabbing them by the legs and pulling, just pulling, while they cried and tried to get away. Their bones popped and snapped and then they just tore apart like paper and sparkly lil bits flew out of them, confetti. It was glittery confetti like the stuff at my twelfth birthday party.

I wanna go back to bed and never wake up.

12:31 PM

Ugh. Slept something awful last night. I just couldn’t get comfy.

Turns out I had a nightmare too, judging by my post? I don’t remember it. So. WEIRD. I’m gonna spend today in my room. Just order in lunch and dinner. I need some me time. Meditate. Think of nice, happy thoughts.

Like Emery’s smokin hot body on top of mine. Yum.

12/21/15

10:23 AM

The spa’s open! I’m gonna hit that up with Adrienne today. She invited me to go with her, gossip about the super cute but so gay guys giving us massages and doing our nails. Ugh. I cannot wait. It’s going to be AMAZING.

3:21 PM

It was not amazing. It was not even subpar.

I’m gonna be honest and say it as it is: it was fucking awful.

First off, waaaayy overcrowded. There were a bunch of these really old wrinkly bitches with their saggy boobs practically hanging out of their bathrobes, yelling and teasing the poor masseuses and manicure people :(

The one doing my foot massage, I can’t remember his name, but I’ll call him Blue Hair because he has this really screwed up blue hair. You know the kind of hair where someone’s bleached and dyed it too many times? So ugly. He. Was too damn rough with my poor feet! I’m not even gonna go to dinner I’m so sore. He was so bitchy too, called me a whiner and that my feet smelled like cheese. My feet do not smell like cheese!

I was about to kick his stupid face when a really fat old woman started yelling at him about why she wasn’t being helped at this very second and how her feet were killing her and that she was going to complain to the people in charge when he like snapped? He got up and started yelling back at her, and it escalated so fast all Adrienne and I could do was watch.

Finally the old lady had enough of his sass and punched him across the jaw. Blue Hair was super twiggy so he hit the floor with a really loud thump. I didn’t see if he got up, I think the old lady was about to stomp on his head when someone finally pulled her away and out of the spa. I got the hell out of there, ditching Adrienne and just going to hell with this.

It was for the best though, Adrienne wasn’t mad or anything. She said she went in for the mud bath and oh my gosh was it bad. It smelled like actual feces and then someone started screaming about how there was blood in their mud. Like. A lot of blood.

Adrienne says someone probably was on the rag when they got in and just didn’t care, but ew! I was looking forward to it and now you can’t pay me to get near that spa ever again.

12/22/15

5:31 PM

Going to dinner again with Adrienne and Emery. Apparently tonight’s gonna be a dancing night! So excited. This is one of the main reasons I wanted to come, dancing waiters on the tables sounds like so much fun! I’m wearing my cute dress, I would be showing you guys pics but one, impossible to upload, takes too long, and I haven’t taken a good selfie all day! Ugh. Bad selfie days are the wooorst.

Oh, there they are now! Better go!

9:50 PM

That couldn’t have gone any worse.

First off, dinner was like, nearly optionless? The first night there was like a million choices, from exotic to elegant, but tonight I literally sat down and got handed an appetizer without so much as being handed a menu. I don’t even want to know what it was. It was some piece of dried out meat. Tasted a bit like pork, but maybe it was fish? Emery said maybe it was shark and that made me laugh, which helped.

Main course was burnt black steak. Not even Emery could joke about that, I swear his perfectly tanned complexion went gray when he realized the hunk of charcoal on his plate was meant to be steak. He flagged over a waitress and asked what the big deal was.

“Chef’s choice, fuck off and hit up the buffet if you’re going to be a bitch about it.”

I was floored. I heard wait staffs were so nice on cruises! I don’t think even Emery knew how to react.

The dancing though. I really, really hope the accident wasn’t as bad as it looked.

Our stupid waitress got up on Evan’s and Corine’s table, taking off her apron and swinging it above her head as some old tune crooned out of the speakers. Evan was super into it, making crude comments about the waitress’ panties while Corine fumed.

I’m not sure if it was the feedback from the speakers that made the waitress stumble or if Corine finally snapped and sucker punched her, but the waitress tumbled from the table with a scream. She slammed into the floor with a painfully loud crack and I saw blood pooling around her head.

We all got shooed out, the host apologizing and saying we’d all get a special dinner sent up to our rooms as an apology and that the woman would be fine.

BTW- still waiting on that special dinner. I’m so hungry I’d eat that excuse for a steak.

… Okay maybe not that hungry. My stomach’s still churning from the meat that may have been shark.

12/23/15

6:32 AM

Dinner was delivered ten minutes ago. It was the same damn steak from last night. It was so cold now though that it was practically rock solid, and I swear it started to smell a bit. It went into the garbage. I’m nauseated and super tired. I can’t get the sound of the waitress’ head hitting the floor out of my head. I really, really hope she’s okay.

Corine and Evan are having the LOUDEST SEX EVER in the room across the hall. I’m pretty sure the mainland can hear her orgasming, oh my god, SHUT UP.

12:13 PM

I think I saw someone get divorced at the buffet.

I was loading up on lukewarm french fries and half cooked chow mein noodles when the quiet argument turned up a few notches. I turned to see this middle aged couple screaming at each other while their little kids stood to the side, eyes like a deer’s in headlights.

No one even bothered to get in between them, I think she was mad about him letting their kids eat nothing but garbage all week, and he was mad she had a stick up her ass. It ended with her ripping off her ring and pitching it into the ocean. His face went purple with how pissed he got, screaming about how that was a family heirloom and all that shit. I got the hell out of there, they can get this damn plate back later.

12:31 PM

Holy shit the angry guy threw his wife overboard.

Emery ran in my room looking sick. He was tanning with Adrienne on the top deck when the woman, apparently her name was Delia, ran up there and she looked terrified. Angry husband Donald ran up after her and grabbed her by the hair. Emery tried to get up to break it up but he wasn’t even finished crossing halfway when Donald dragged her to the edge and threw her over his head into the ocean, telling her to ‘go find the fucking ring!’

I am. So glad I didn’t see that. I don’t know if she’s even okay, can you fall from the top deck to the ocean without, ya know, breaking every goddamn bone in your body?!

Emery’s hiding in here for now, he wants some comfort. Adrienne needed to be alone.

His hair’s so soft, I wanna pet it all day.

12/24/15

Christmas Eve and I’m so homesick.

I don’t want to go to the special ‘dinner’. Knowing what luck we’ve had so far, someone’s probably going to get frikken impaled on a dropped knife or something. So just buffet. Which has gone dramatically down in quality for how little we’ve been out here. It’s cold, it’s undercooked, it’s overcooked, it has a horrible aftertaste. I’m going a little crazy.

I just wanna be home.

At least tomorrow we’re on the island. Won’t blog until I’m back on the boat. Don’t think I’ll have signal.

12/25/15

10:19 PM

This was the WORST CHRISTMAS OF MY LIFE!!!

Okay, so the island was kinda nice at first. I saw no sign of Donald or his kids. Or Corine and Evan. But Adrienne and Emery were there! Emery helped me apply suntan lotion, and his hands were like a god’s. Adrienne got a bit pouty but she was happy after we went swimming together. She’s such a good friend. <3

So much was a lie though. There was no wait staff to bring us drinks. The dolphin meet up had to be booked ahead of time, which none of us knew, and by the time it was noon people were getting a lil testy. I mean, we were promised a beach haven and all we got was basically the same crap you get at home, except it’s salt water.

I heard yelling about half way through the afternoon and went to check it out. I thought it was just two guys rough housing in the water until I realized what the teenage girl next to them was screaming.

“Help! He’s gonna kill him! Oh my god, someone help!”

I ran into the water, Emery hot on my heels. The one guy was holding the other underwater, and I nearly puked when I realized the other guy had stopped struggling. I tried to shove the guy’s attacker but it was impossible, he was so much bigger than me and I just couldn’t move him. Emery tackled him so hard he sent them both down into the water, and I dragged the drowning guy up, trying to smack his chest to help push the water out of his lungs.

He wasn’t breathing.

I think the attacker was put in custody. The girl said they were just horsing around to get her attention when the victim accidentally hit the other guy in the dick. Apparently that was worth murder.

I want to go home.

I think I just heard Emery at the door, so I’ll end this post here.

12/26/15

I slept with Emery last night.

It didn’t mean to happen, it just did! He came to me for comfort because apparently Adrienne was being all cold, we were close, I set a hand on his thigh, our eyes met and just… fell into each other’s arms.

He told me this morning he’ll break off the engagement with Adrienne after we get back home. I’ve apparently showed him what it’s like to be with someone who cares. I feel so bad for Adrienne but… Emery’s so nice guys. He’s the perfect man. He listens, we have sooo much in common, and I’m sure Adrienne will understand that maybe he and I have something that we never thought we’d find with another person.

I still had awful nightmares though. Maybe it’s the guilt.

I shouldn’t feel guilty though. I shouldn’t.

12/27/15

12:58 PM

I’m suing this cruise line when I get home I swear to god THERE WAS BUGS IN THE FOOD

I was eating with Emery, having a good time, he took a forkful of noodles and was about to put it in my mouth when I saw the carrot start to twitch. And then it exploded and squirmed and buzzed IT WAS A FLY. There was. A fucking fly. IN THE FOOD.

I puked all over Emery and I’m so embarrassed, but just seeing it writhe while impaled on a fork was too much. I’m not eating another damn thing on this cruise. No way. I’ll starve myself until we get back home. We’re docking on the first. I’ll make it that long.

6:00 PM

I’m starving but oh my god I can’t stop thinking of that fucking fly. I almost caved and ordered room service twice but just. Flies. I can’t stand flies. They make me itch. Emery hasn’t been in to see me all day and I’m super depressed. Today’s the worst. I’m hungry, I might’ve just lost my new boyfriend, and I just want to be home.

11:23 PM

I think I heard someone die.

Corine and Evan were arguing, and then they were sexing, and then I heard Corine laughing while someone was choking and gasping. There was a thump and something dragging, and I’m too scared to get out of bed.

This is the worst fucking cruise.

12/28/15

9:42 AM

Adrienne knows.

She’s been at my door for half an hour, knocking and saying she has to talk to me. No way. No how. Am I opening that door. She sounds like she’s been crying, but I swear to god she’s going to kill me. I don’t know if I was imagining Corine murdering Evan last night but I’m paranoid as hell. I just keep closing my eyes and hearing that choking or seeing that poor kid get drowned by his friend.

Everyone on this ship is crazy.

10:30 AM

She’s left for now. Oh my god my stomach hurts. I’m so hungry. But if I leave I’m gonna get tossed overboard like Delia.

3:02 PM

She’s brought reinforcements. I hear Corine out there too. I’m so scared.

3:30 PM

They’ve gone for now or they’re just being really quiet. They probably think I have to leave sooner or later or have food ordered in. The only time I’m having that door open is when I’m all packed and disembarking this stupid fucking ship. This is a nightmare.

10:45 PM

I don’t hear anything. I’m scared to go to sleep. I’m scared to die. I’m praying. I’m praying so hard right now.

12/29/15

They broke into my room last night. But they didn’t kill me.

Adrienne and Corine just wanted to talk. And all we did was talk. And I feel so bad for thinking they wanted me to get hurt. I’m so selfish and stupid, I only cared about what I felt to not see what was going on right in front of me.

Corine is Emery’s ex. They were engaged too. She showed me pics on her phone of her wedding dress, and she’s so pretty. But he left her for another woman. She had no idea he was going on this cruise too until she saw him while they boarded. It’s why she was fighting with Evan in the first place.

Adrienne was tricked too. Emery left Corine for her, saying that he found out how to love again.

What a sack of shit.

I’m still refusing to eat, but the alcohol on board is better than nothing. We’re just drinking and bitching about men. We all got tricked by a sweet smile and nice words. What a cunt.

Corine’s suggested we confront him all together. I’m all onboard. I’ll take the wine bottle with me, it might be mostly empty but it’ll mean business.

12/30/15

It took a lot of talking. A lot of arguing. A little bit of force. But we all decided it wasn’t fair only one of us get Emery. So we’re going to share him.

Corine gets his chest. The chest she used to rest her head on as he promised to fly her to the moon.

Adrienne gets his arms. The arms that used to hold her tight and make her feel safe.

And I get his head. The head which has such beautiful lips that spilled nothing but poison and such soft hair that I love to pet. They’re better now that they’re silent. We’re all in Adrienne’s king sized bed, with our favorite parts of Emery. It took some tugging… but the pop of his bones coming loose was the most satisfying of sounds.

12/31/15

We’ll never lose Emery again. He’ll always be a part of me.

-PART 1- -While waiting for his coffee to brew, Kurtis looked at his kitchen and figured he should probably clean it.

“Should probably do the rest of the apartment as well,” he muttered. The time was 10:26.

-He stripped his pajamas and pulled up his freshest boxers, then poured small brown cat food nuggets into Crystals bowl. He flicked through his phones music folder: he remained indecisive and clicked random. Kurtis knew there were no new messages but checked anyway to reread the ones from last night. Received: 23:34 Toni- I’ll be free around noon so see you then. Sent-23:51 Kurtis- Yep, see you then. -He ignored the smell coming from the litter box and got started by unloading the sink from dirty pans, pots, bowls, plates, cutlery, a cracked 7/11 plastic Slurpee cup, candy wrappers and mug with a broken handle, then turned the tap to hot. He squirted purple dollar store washing liquid into the steaming water. Tiny bubbles formed rapidly and he loaded the sink back up to let the dishes soak: he turned off the tap, soaked a sponge and turned to the oven. -Kurtis wiped the orange and yellow grease droplets on the stove top, and picked up dry, burnt pasta noodles. There were some blotches of dried up pasta sauce that came off with a few scrapes from a blunt butter knife. He threw out the black and red strips. -Kurtis poured a dollop of cream into his coffee and took an unpleasant mouthful and re-soaked the sponge, turning attention to the counter-top. He cleaned the coffee spills which was engraved with bread crumbs and cleared the layers under the toaster too, The sinks water was hotter than he liked so he gave the kitchens laminate floor a quick sweep and took the garbage can from under the sink, to the living room. -Shawn's clothes were scattered on the floor, as well as his old torn up work boots with the landmines of beer bottles and cans, empty yogurt cups and bits of paper. Kurtis had let Shawn move in the week before. Shawn had moved to Edmonton Alberta to work on a high profile construction site for a year and had wanted to move back to the lower mainland British Columbia. Being old high school friends, Kurtis let him sleep on the futon and Shawn ate all his instant noodles in the short period he moved in. Shawn didn’t mind how small the apartment was either. -Kurtis felt himself starting to sneeze so he opened the balcony door. Cool, Summer air flowed into the living room and Crystal ran from under the futon towards Kurtis’s room. Kurtis had picked all the garbage and threw Shawn's’ clothes into the hollow foot rest. It was red and made of pleather. Like the cat, Kurtis’s Dad let him have it. -While placing the Virtual Reality Headsets on the charger, he found one of Toni’s ankle socks. He looked around for a second sock and when he couldn’t find it, got up and walked to his bedroom. He stepped over his own clothes and placed the shopping bag filled with Toni’s things onto his bed. When he dropped the sock inside it he caught a glimpse of what was inside. Specifically the sexy nurse costume Toni had bought around Halloween for him. The-day-before-Kurtis had convinced himself he was fine and folded it and place it nicely into the bag. Right-now-Kurtis yanked the dress out with a primordial fury and tore up the cheap fabric and threw it to the corner of the room. -Kurtis took off his glasses and locked himself in the washroom. He turned the shower to a steaming hot and let the condensation mist up. He took a spray bottle and sprayed and cleaned the toilet of the thin layer dust, puddles of urine and hair. His large body became pink and sweaty as he wiped the condensation from the mirror and the tiles in the shower and clean the sink of minty green tooth paste lumps. -He stepped out of the washroom and felt the cool air of the apartment. The sinks’ water had cooled down. He cleaned the dishes. -PART 2- -Kurtis turned off the vacuum cleaner and answered the phone. “Hey,” Kurtis’s stomach sank when he remember he didn’t hide the torn up nurse outfit. “Hey, I’m outside.” “I’ll buzz you, See you in a bit,” He hung up and quickly pressed the button to open the apartment buildings’ front door. -He panicked. His apartment wasn’t as clean as he wanted it to be. The bed wasn’t made, the garbage was full, his coffee was cold. He was hungry. The microwave wasn’t clean. He hadn’t showered. Kurtis took off his sweaty boxers and pulled on his pajama pants and an old hoodie. There was a knock at the door and he opened it. He forgot how much taller he was than her. “Hey.” “Hi,” Toni stepped in and took off her jacket. Kurtis saw her left fore arm. From wrist to elbow was hot pink. The time was lit in white light under the skin. “How’d that go for you?” Kurtis pointed. She shrugged and folded her arms, “The Stitching wasn’t bad. Was under a mood organ so didn’t feel a thing.” “Was it a full installation or still got your phone?” “Yeah still got it. Chickened out when I thought about what if scenarios of it breaking and having to get further surgery, right?” Kurtis stepped uneasily and put his hands in his pockets, “Thinking of further installs?” She bit her lip, “I once went to a concert and saw a dude with the inside of his mouth fully stitched. He had it light up in different colors which changed to the beat of the music. I don’t think I need anything like that.” Kurtis scratched his neck and said, “I’ll get your stuff.” -Kurtis walked to his bedroom while Toni stepped into thee living room and put her hand on the vacuum cleaner handle.She heard a bell jingle and looked down to see  Crystal, who was peeping out from under the futon. Toni squatted slowly, smiled nicely and held out her knuckle. Toni said “hey” in a high pitched voice. Crystal hummed threateningly and hissed, flaring her curved incisors. Toni stopped smiling and stood back up. Kurtis walked in with the shopping bag and Crystal galloped past him to the bedroom. “She still doesn’t like me,” Toni folded her arms. “She doesn’t like anyone,” Kurtis shrugged. “She’s been giving Shawn Hell.” “Shawn moved in?” “About a week ago. He sleeps on the futon and Crystal hides underneath, scares him, then runs away.” “That’s an asshole move.” “She’s guarding her territory I suppose.” “So being an asshole is more of a byproduct?” she joked. Kurtis didn’t say anything and handed over the shopping bag. Toni exhaled and accepted it. She looked inside the bag. “I found one of your socks,” Kurtis rubbed the back of his neck. “Couldn’t find the second one.” “That’s fine,” she looked up and away, “I was... yeah, thank you, that’s fine.” -There was a second of silence. They both breathed in the void between them. “I should get going,” Toni murmured and hurried to the door. “I need to clean,” Kurtis put his hands in his pockets and took them out. Halfway out the door came a muted “bye” and the door shut. -Kurtis inhaled deeply and walked into the kitchen. He stared at the microwave. His gut neither churned or felt full. “It’s fine,” Kurtis said. He sat on the futon and put on his Virtual Reality Headset. -PART 3- -Kurtis was miming the act of reloading a rocket launcher when he felt the air pressure of the room change. He paused the game and took off his headset to see the blurry image of Shawn shut the door. He put on his glasses. “Hey.” “Hey,” Shawn muttered. He was filthy and kept his work boots and tool belt on as he walked through the living room towards the balcony. “How was work?” “Oh, it was work” he opened the balcony door and sat on the chair he brought out there a few days earlier. He dropped his tool belt onto the wooden balcony floor. He pressed and pried on the heel of his new lace-less work boots and gasped when it was kicked off. He slid his wet sock off his foot and let it slap onto the floor. Then he took off his other boot. “Are you okay?” Kurtis almost laughed, “Do you need anything?” “Nah,” Shawn flexed and crunched his hot toes. He took off his work shirt to reveal his pale clean body that it covered. His arms were layered with sweat and dirt. Shawn leaned his arms onto his knees. “Just give me a minute. How’d today go for you.” Kurtis stayed on the couch, “Went fine.” “Went smoothly?” “Yeah, no issues, in and out.” “Good, good,” Shawn trailed off, continuing to scrunch his toes. Kurtis considered whether Shawn had lost interest in the topic or ran out of things to say. Shawn started talking again, “Did you go to the liquor store yet?” “Not yet. We still have a few hours until they come over,” “When are Sarah and Elsa coming over?” Kurtis check his phone, the time read 16:49, “Around 3 hours.” “Still fine with having people over?” “Yeah I’ll be fine with it. Elsa won’t be staying long and not drinking so really it’ll just be Sarah staying.” “Alright,” Shawn nibbled his lip then stood, his knees cracked. “I’m going to have a shower and when I’m done want to head down to get booze?” “Sure thing,” Kurtis picked up his head set. “What are you playing?” “Atomic Black Crypt.” Shawn thought for a second and then asked, “ What do you do in that?” “Mostly shoot giant bugs.” “Anything else?” “Sometimes all a man wants is a weapon and something to hate.” -Shawn nodded; he took a towel, a pair of boxers from the hollow foot rest and headed to the washroom. Kurtis took off his glasses, put on the headset and lay back. He returned to the ruined digital city. High-rises toppled, cars smoking and mashed. Kurtis raised his weightless bazooka and moved onward. He followed the map on his digital wrist. -He came across a nest of giant praying mantis’s: the generic soldier enemy. They hadn’t seen him yet so Kurtis took cover and looked up at the side of the buildings. Giant purple spiders hung and crawled on its sides; the artillery units. Kurtis aimed and curled his finger. -Sounds of the hissing rocket blasted in Kurtis’ eyes. His aim was true and the rocket hit and blew up a spider. It turned into a green goopy mess and the body fell, its death animation made its legs curl inward as it fell. Before retaliation, Kurtis reloaded and fired again, taking another spider down. The surviving spiders snarled and shot acidic white web at him. He dodged and dived, firing back. The praying mantis’ charged and were now upon him, claws raised. Kurtis backed away, dropping mines while still gunning down the spiders. The mantis’s stepped on the mines and blew up, legs, eyes and claws flew in the black, firey smoke. -Kurtis felt his stomach being poked repeatedly. He paused the game and took off the headset. He blinked several times and said “What?” -Shawn had been poking him with his big toe. He put his foot down, “Want to get going? Thanks for cleaning as well” -PART 4- “Kurtis!” Sarah bellowed and stepped in, giving him a hug, plastic bags of bottles hanged from her arms. Her head came up to his chest. Elsa squeezed in behind. “Hello,” Kurtis felt himself laughing in shock and hugged back. Shawn came around the corner. He’d already drank 2 bottles, “Sarah! Elsa!” “Hey! You’re back!” “I am.” “How it going? How’d Edmonton go?” “Was okay,” Shawn scratched his nose, “Want me to get those bags?” “You may,” Sarah handed Shawn a bag and they both went into the kitchen. Kurtis went to Elsa, “How’s your new job?” “Have you ever seen the steady process of a sheep embryo growing in goop inside a plastic bag?” Kurtis didn’t know how to answer. “It’s pretty great,” Elsa smiled. Kurtis laughed, “Could you give me a tour of your place?” “Yeah,” Kurtis felt the waistband of his pants slipping down so he raised them back up. From the kitchen Shawn asked Sarah, “What’s that?” "Got a light tattoo installed,” She placed the bag of bottles on the counter top and took off her jacket to show. Shawn looked; from the back of her hand to her chest was lit with white light, patterned like flowers, vines and spirals. "How was that installed?" "They used an electric needle to puncture these microscopic chips into my skin, unlike getting stitched which is more of a wire mesh. Less chance of the body rejecting it. " "I thought you wanted to be a teacher?" stated Shawn, "Teachers aren't allowed tattoos." Sarah smiled and said "I didn't get a tattoo for the longest time because of that; but with this it lights up and turns off whenever I want. The skin looks a little darker but other than that, I can blend in perfectly." "Very creative of you." Shawn and Sarah began to mix drinks while Kurtis led Elsa into the living room to look around and examine the apartment. Crystal galloped from under the futon and through her legs."The fuck?" Elsa watched it go. Kurtis stepped up, "Just Crystal, is all." "Your Dad's?" "Technically mine now. When Dad was packing he didn't want to keep her so I did instead." "Was she adopted?" "Yes she was. My Dads' boyfriend wanted to get an exotic hybrid." "Why'd he adopt?" Kurtis shrugged, "Wanted good karma probably. Apparently doesn't believe in that anymore." They walked down the hallway towards the washroom. They heard Sarah and Shawn laugh. "Was probably the price that was the final straw," Elsa said, "Hybrids are generally expensive to feed." "Do you make hybrids at the Pet Store?" "Nah, we just get orders and grow the clones. Pot bellied pigs are the most popular." "Why?" "Smart little things. Before cloning, there was a level of uncertainty if the pig was going to remain small. Some fake breeders selling regular piglets only to have them weigh 200 pounds in a year. So, we clone and grow so they stay small and extra cute." They stepped into the washroom."I like it," said Elsa, "so pink." "I hate it. Look at this stupid thing," Kurtis pulled back the shower curtain and pointed at the shower head. Elsa saw it was lower than Kurtis's head."Oh no. That's hilarious." "See what I mean?" "What do you mean?" Shawn came up behind Kurtis, shot glasses in each hand. Sarah with him also holding shot glasses. "Here take this." Kurtis accepted it and smelt the spice and cinnamon burn this nostrils, “What is it?" "For you," Elsa said, she looked at the shower-head and laughed, "how'd you fit in there?" Shawn answered, "he has to bend to wash his hair." "That's hilarious," Sarah put down the other shot glasses and pulled out her phone. "Get in the shower and drink." "What?" Kurtis laughed uncertainly. "I want to see," encouraged Elsa, unfolding her arms, "It'd be funny." "We'll be taking shots too," Shawn held a shot glass reassuringly. Kurtis couldn't find a way to squeeze past them. The three of them had inched their way closer and closer to him. He moved back further and further, one leg after the other until he was standing in the bath tub. There was no way to escape. "Cheers!" Drank Shawn. Sarah clicked her drink with Kurtis and drank.Kurtis brought it up to his lips. The smell burned his nostrils and he sipped. "Drink!" called Elsa. "Why you sipping?” Sarah's forehead was pink. "Do it," laughed Shawn. Kurtis did. He couldn't breath for a second and gasped. His eyes and nose were scrunched up, his ears and face fired up  "Oh God." The flash went off on Sarah's' phone and everyone cheered, Shawn laughing and flicked the light on and off repeatedly. Sarah's light tattoo shone in blues and greens. Elsa cheered, "next one." "Here," Sarah already pushed the glass into Kurtis' hands. "Oh no." "Do it, you're supposed to," Shawn persuaded. He wasn't holding a glass. "Yeah do it, go nuts," Elsa took her phone out. Kurtis clenched his fingers to a fist and drank. His eyes stang from the fumes and watered up, glasses fogging. Elsa took a picture. Kurtis tried to laugh along with them. Then they offered him one more and he drank it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kurtis collapsed onto the futon and groaned deeply. Shawn and Elsa played beer pong in the office room. Kurtis thought about the time he made Toni a bubble bath; she found out that he used regular dish soap and called him a dumb-ass and they laughed.Sarah sat next to him, her arm a deep red. "How's it going?" "I'm going to explode on someone." "Well," she stroked the hair on his arm, "let's not do that. Do you want me to go through your phone?" "Why?" he thought about how Toni once backed up into a lamp post outside the apartment building. He laughed and said 'how'd you miss that?' and she replied 'I thought you were backing me up.' "To delete pictures of her. It'll help you cope." Kurtis's legs were numb, he held his sweaty forehead and groaned deeply. "What are you thinking about?" "This morning," Kurtis started, " I cleaned up and she came round for her stuff then left. It was so easy. I wasn't expecting that. I don't think I wanted that." "Must've been awkward with both of you." "I know," the sweat was cooling down, he felt icy, "but we couldn't say anything?" "Maybe it was for the best." Kurtis sighed. He barely said bye to her. "Let me go through your phone. It'll help." Kurtis handed it over. He watched Shawn chugged his beer and continue playing beer pong with Elsa. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Elsa left early. Shawn and Sarah drank together then sat with Kurtis. Sarah in-between. They put on Virtual Reality Headsets and chose a Deep Space Reality from the most popular list.  From there they floated in the great digital nothing to marvel at the giant Horse Nebula. Plumes of hot glowing dust and asteroids soared around them. Although the quiet of outer space was an option, there was a deep echoy soundtrack to really sell the feel of being out there. They could feel the chill, the vastness and loneliness of it all.Shawn's chest tightened as he held his breath and reached his hand for Sarah's'. She held his and squeezed. Shawn breathed easier and squeezed back. The view faded and now they floated above Jupiter's giant red eye. It spiraled in an ever lasting hurricane. They watched the chaos of it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Sarah stroked Kurtis' shoulder to wake him, "Common, let's take you to bed." They removed his headset and Shawn let Kurtis lean on him on the way to the bedroom and flopped him on the bed. "Oh God this is comfortable." "Glad you like it, probably better than the futon," said Shawn. "Think you'll be alright?" asked Sarah. "The cat," mumbled Kurtis, "sorry it smells in here." "It's fine." "No it isn't. I don't like it either but didn't do anything about it." "Just go to sleep," said Shawn, he held Sarah's hand. "It’ll be better tomorrow." "Goodnight," said Sarah. They started to leave. "Shawn," Kurtis reached out. Shawn turned at the doorway and Sarah kept going, "What's up mate?" "I tore up her dress." "What?" "I feel bad about it. I think she wanted it back but I tore it up. I think she thinks I kept it for pervert reasons." "What dress?" ""Her nurse dress. I tore it up and threw it away. I'm not a pervert." "I don't think you are." "What if she thinks I am and tells people?" "Doesn't matter," said Shawn, "You're out of her life and she's out of yours." Kurtis didn't know how to feel and before he could reply Shawn interrupted, "Get to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."