I know SEVERAL afab nonbinary people who, as soon as they came out as nonbinary - immediately began dressing in ridiculous hyper-femme outfits they never would have worn before.  A lot of people see this and say shit like “Theyfab” or say they are only nonbinary for attention.  After all, look how femme they are.

But to me, this makes perfect sense.  When you are forced into the category of “woman” against your will, femininity is a chore.  It’s a job that you have.  As soon as you say no, I’m not a woman, suddenly femininity isn’t your job anymore.  It’s not a requirement.  It’s just a fun hobby you can get into.  Or a little treat sometimes.

Hey, if you follow me and use the term "theyfab" as a slur for my siblings, fucking unfollow me.

Your hurt does not legitimize your fucking transphobia, and never will.

You are not some righteous crusader against transmisogyny for shitting on non-binary people. No, not even if their presentation seems like it aligns with their agab to you.

Theyfab Flag!

Image ID: A 7 striped flag. Colors, in descending order, are: pink; salmon; light gold; white; light purple; violet; pink. End ID.

Theyfab is a slur/insult thrown at AFAB nonbinary people, especially feminine-presenting AFAB people. I am reclaiming it. This flag is for other people who reclaim it. The reclaimed theyfab stands for celebrating femininity when freed from girlhood, being connected to your AGAB, body, femininity, and/or she/her pronouns without that invalidating your identity, separating gender from presentation, transmasculinity and transneutrality, detaching oneself from girlhood, and acknowledging the transmisandry and the misogyny that AFAB trans people face. Not all theyfabs will relate to all of these, they're just possible experiences that might effect why someone would identify with theyfab as a term. It stands against reducing trans people to their AGABs, destroying the norms that trans people must be traditionally masculine, feminine, or androgynous to be valid, supports pronoun nonconformity and gender nonconformity especially when done by trans people.

Anyone who is AFAB and nonbinary and/or transmasc and/or uses they/them pronouns and/or neos can reclaim this term. Additionally, anyone who's been derogatorily called "theyfab" can use it, regardless of actual AGAB, identity, or pronouns. It's my belief that slurs can be reclaimed by the people they hurt and the people like the ones they hurt.

If you cannot reclaim theyfab, but you support what this reclamation stands for, support people who reclaim it, and wholeheartedly support transmascs, transneutrals, and AFAB trans people, you can use this tf ally flag!

Image ID: A diluted version of the theyfab flag with an ally symbol in the colors of the theyfab flag, not diluted

Why I reclaim theyfab:

I have not personally been called a theyfab, but I feel I am the person they'd want to mock the most. Of course, I hit the basics:

• AFAB

• Nonbinary

• They/them

But also, I am:

• Bigender, with my primary gender being hypergirl

• Feminine presenting

• Cisgender, fully identifying as cisgender, and sometimes cistrans but usually just cisgender

• Don't want to transition

• She/her

If I wasn't above working for transphobes I could have been their theyfab mascot. I want to reclaim theyfab because despite being feminine presenting, despite still using she/her pronouns and still describing myself as cisgender, and despite being a girl, I am aporagender. I am nonbinary. I am all of these things and me being a girl, a girly girl, doesn't invalidate my gender and just because I prefer she/her pronouns doesn't mean I don't wanna be called they/them quite a bit. I am not any less valid for how I present or for the rest of my identity than any other nonbinary people, even those who fully medically transition.

Pro tip: if you don't want trans people reclaiming the slurs you literally made up, or stole from fucking 4channers to misgender and oppress them, simply do not fucking call people brand new slurs invented specifically to denigrate them! It's literally not difficult! You don't get to fucking call people slurs invented just for them and then get mad when they reclaim them!

When will truscum and TIRFs learn to stop being bigots.

[ID: A Three panel MS Paint comic, titled, "Reclaiming slurs: 'theyfab'", dated "September 9th 2023". Panel 1 shows a group of three grey figures grinning with evil eyebrows, labled, "bigoted trans people and their transmisic cis friends". They are all shouting together: "Hahaha!! Theyfab!!! You're a pathetic theyfab!!! Just a pathetic woman pretending to be trans for attention!! Theyfab!!! Theyfab!! You think you're oppressed for having a p***y!!! Theyfab!!!" The person they are pointing and laughing at has sad eyebrows and a small frown, and is labeled, "a trans man or nonbinary person who wants equal rights, probably doesn't even use they/them pronouns". The second panel shows the victim throwing their hands into the air, shouting back, "Okay, yeah, I'm a theyfab, and I'm proud to be trans! You got a fucking problem with that?" while the crows of bigots stares in silence. The third panel shows the bigots now colored red, throwing their arms into the air and screaming in all caps: "You disgusting transmisogynist special snowflake!! You can't reclaim the slur we made up to call you!!!!! We're the only ones allowed to call you slurs!!! Stop reclaiming the slurs we call you you fucking faker!!!! You're supposed to cry about it not reclam the slur we literally invented for you!!!! Special snowflake!!! Transmisogynist!! Why aren't you crying?!? Stop being proud of being trans!!!!! You make the real trans people look bad!!!!" The victim mutters, with one hand on their hip and eyebrow raised, "Oh, you're not even being subtle anymore, are you?" Large text at the bottom of the comic reads: "Pro tip if you want to have morals: If you don't want trans people reclaiming slurs used against them, simply do not invent brand new fucking transmisic, exorsexist slurs. It's literally not difficult." End ID.]

Another pro tip: if the people who call you the slur get enraged by you reclaiming it, that means reclaiming it is working. Keep up the good fucking work.

flag id: eight flags with 5 stripes, with the third being slightly larger than the rest. the top left flag's stripes are faded blue, dull light pink, white, cyan, and blue. the top right flag's stripes are pink, dull light pink, white, cyan, and blue. the upper left flag's stripes are faded blue, dull light pink, white, light pink, and bright pinkish-red. the upper right flag's stripes are pink, dull light pink, white, light pink, and bright pinkish-red.

the lower left flag's stripes are faded blue, dull light pink, white, light green, and green. the lower right flag's stripes are pink, dull light pink, white, light green, and green. the bottom left flag's stripes are faded blue, dull light pink, white, light purple, and indigo. the bottom right flag's stripes are pink, dull light pink, white, light purple, and indigo. end id.

banner id: a 1500x150 teal banner with the words ‘please read my dni before interacting’ in large white text in the center. end id.

hemab | hefab shemab | shefab theymab | theyfab itmab | itfab

anon asked for alternate itfab and hefab flags and i figured i'd make alts for all of these flags to match! they use the amab stripes from this flag, the afab stripes from this flag, colors from these pronoun flags, and purples for it/its pronouns (inspired by these flags).

tags: @radiomogai, @genderstarbucks | dni link

real cool to see theyfab shit on my feed guys. I know that its an internet brain poison thing that irl has such little impact. I get that human nature is that when we are harmed we want to spitefully hit back where it hurts. but the lack of understanding/lack of caring that using the word theyfab WILL hurt others that you dont intend, especially on a site where the posts are the content and there is a large, mostly silent audience, sucks. It's so much the energy of like "I was bullied, and now I get to be the bully" as opposed to "I was hurt but I want to limit how that hurt affects others as I heal." And no, I'm not asking for people to be a perfect victim, but there are consequences for instigating and perpetuating hurt. People say the term only applies to those who weaponize their agab, and I find that argument weak considering I've already seen the term used against people literally the exact same way trender and tucute were and are. I think a lot of the use of the term is social posturing to feel good about being in the in-group. I get why, because many trans people are isolated and desperate for a place to belong, but doing it via throwing others under the bus makes things worse for everyone. The solution to transmisogyny will never be enbyphobia, idk what to tell you :/

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Twitter had a login wall on their search tab, as a result people who don’t have a Twitter account can’t access linked search results. Can you post a screenshot of what you linked in your reblog of the theyfab post so people who don’t have a Twitter account can see what you linked?

(etc.)

some references wrt timeline questions.

'theyfab' just say you're transphobic and leave tbh

I’ve come to appreciate they/them girls lmao nothing triggers a TiM more than a theyfab who is a “femme- presenting trans-identifying cis women”

seething

Hemab | Hefab

Shemab | Shefab

Theymab | Theyfab

Itmab | Itfab

Villainpunk, also known as evilpunk, is a punk subculture dedicated to the reclamation of demonization, a rejection of the social norm of goodness, taking pride in identities that carry a stigma. It can be shortened to vilpunk.

Lord the transmascs you put on this earth to be computer science majors are calling each other theyfabs

takes i've seen defending the word theyfab (used pejoratively, as opposed to self-identification):

it's a "tool" used to call out transmisogyny among afab transmascs + nbs (yeah sure, just like slurs are "tools" used to diminish the humanity of other groups of people.)

it serves a "privilege check" for the homogenous afabs that have taken over the trans community and exercise their theyfab privilege to silence trans women

it's camp, just an edgy joke, used to call out how "loosely" defined nb is . also you're homophobic if you don't like it because it's camp and not liking camp means you hate gay people (???)

if you don't like it, it's probably because you're a "theyfab"

bonus rancid take: transmascs innately hate trans women because of sublimated envy.

being a boy-doll is fun until someone gets weird and calls you "theyfab"

"theyfab is just used to criticize the transmisogyny of AFAB nonbinary people!"

you aren't even exclusively using it for nonbinary people who use they/them pronouns though, not that that would make it any less inherently exorsexist and transmisic. You people will literally call a trans man or any nonbinary person, even ones who don't use they/them, a fucking theyfab.

You do not get to invent/steal brand new fucking slurs and then get mad when people call you out for calling trans people slurs.

If you have to invent slurs to call people "to criticize transmisogyny" you're not criticizing transmisogyny, you're just looking for a good excuse to be a bigot. If you can't criticize bigotry without literally calling people slurs, you have no fucking business criticizing bigotry. Because you don't even fucking know how to do it.

Especially if you think trans men, transmasculine people, and nonbinary people talking about the specific forms of oppression we face (Transandromisia, exorsexism, mispergeny, ect), is fucking transmisogyny all on its own because you can't fucking stand admitting that other trans people are also oppressed in ways you aren't.

Just because Julia Serano, a racist fucking transmedicalist, wrote a shitty book in 2007 lying about trans men, nonbinary people, and other culture's genders so she could declare that trans women were always the most oppressed in every situation no matter what, doesn't mean the rest of you get to keep doing it.