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yzafre · 1 year

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The longer I think about Coded's story, the weirder it gets to me, especially the Castle Oblivion arc. I didn't really care about it for a long time because it didn't actually impact the character arcs of the Original versions, and the data characters weren't set up to come back ever, so What Was The Point, but - but -

When I actually sit down to look at what's happening, it just gets Weird. And reveals some interesting things about the characters in a strange, sideways-direction.

Like... You've got an imprint of KH1!Sora, constructed by the Disney crew, in this extended stand-off with an imprint of KH2!Roxas, being master-minded by an imprint of Namine, both of whom were presumably pressed into the journal during the prologue-week when she had access to Roxas's data.

Which, there's my first point: Namine, what the fuck. She felt she needed to pass on a message, okay, but like... Okay. Okay, so if we just had the CO segment, then we could say this is, like... just a recording of her. Don't think about it too much. Except, the first arc was sort of showing that these data-versions are/become their own people. With their own hearts?

So, for someone who has angst about just being a shadow of someone else, to then purposefully create an offshoot, that's just supposed to be a shadow of herself.... Huh.

That's not even getting into the Roxas copy. Because what. WHAT.

Like, she made a copy of Roxas at his worst emotional state to help her in driving a point home to Sora. That's... hm. She needed help, but also that cannot be fun for this poor guy. (Don't get me wrong, I love Namine, but I love her as well-intentioned but distinctly flawed in execution, like everyone running around during the Days time-period)

And if I'm right about when she grabbed his data, then this is a Roxas who never saw Axel come try to find him, never saw Axel die. Because, okay, okay. Here's what real-world Roxas has by the time he confronts Sora at the end of KH2:

Saw Axel try to get him back, even if in a very questionable way and he had no idea what was going on at the time

Got a sort of closure with his friend with that fight (and, like "see you in the next life", did he think Axel was actually dying there?)

Possibly seen Axel doing... something? In the background through Sora's eyes?

Definitely saw Axel die for Sora, which is implicated to wake him up and prompt their confrontation

Also seen... everything Sora's done. All his friends, the worlds he's touched, the things he's done.

All this colors that final fight in KH2. But this Roxas. This Roxas presumably copied from before all that. He's just. Stuck there, in that horrible moment.

That's such an interesting what-if! What if Roxas really got to rail against Sora in person, and speak all the bitterness that was festering at the worst point in his life. Absolutely no catharsis of any type before he walked in - no seeing his best friend again, no symbolic end-of-vacation, just... this. An empty white space, and the guy everyone wanted more.

And he's so aware of being data. A copy of a copy. Like, Namine, I know you've internalized DiZ's propaganda on nobodies and turned it into a weird self-destructive peace, seemingly passing that on to your imprint, but this guy has not, and he is not handling it well.

And sure, here he gets some kind of resolution with Sora in the end - but it's not even a Sora that matches up with him!

Because! Okay! In KH2 Sora and Roxas are sort of, like, on the same track in the story. They've been alive through the same events, been impacted by the same-ish people. Sora is missing a lot of pieces, but he's aware of the Organization and Nobodies, and... honestly, he's in an entirely different mental & emotional state than he started in.

But this Sora? This is KH1 Sora! Younger! Has accumulated much less baggage! His real-world corollary may not have even reached the point where Roxas is a thing, if that makes sense!

So you've got an echo of Roxas at his most ragged, who hasn't gotten any of the things that helped real-world!Roxas to start processing things, versus an imprint of Sora at his freshest - his brightest, you could say.

It's just.... it's just such a strange "what-if" story, you know? In the end, data-Sora makes a very mature choice regarding hurt, and this version of Roxas gets... some kind of closure, thank god, but...

Well, for me, I wonder if this really accomplishes what Namine thinks it accomplishes? She wanted to see if Sora was ready to handle the 'hurt' of everyone connected to him. But, the Sora that made this decision... is not the Sora that will be making in the real world. They may share the same... base personality, soul, if you will, but a huge point of CoM is that memories make up so much of who you are. Your experiences change you, even subconsciously. So, the Sora stepping into KH3... Would he reach the exact same conclusion as data-Sora? Or would it be... slightly to the left?

I don't know. I don't know! I don't think my thoughts on this game have really solidified yet. The whole set-up is just so weird, it exists in this weird space where it has such little impact on the main arc of the series, I sometimes have to just sit and turn it around in my head. What does it tell us about the characters? Or maybe, what does it tell us about the themes of this world? I don't really know. Sure is interesting, though.

#kh #re:coded #kh coded #this is very incoherent I know #these are half-baked thoughts I wanted to scream into the void and see if the void would blink back #the way the data-versions reveal things about the originals #without being them #and through contrast as much as mimicry #is holding my attention #like that marvel “what if” concept #everything just slight to the left #yza talks about a thing

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mmorpg-escapism · 9 months

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What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

What memory do they revisit the most often?

(multiple questions bc im evil :3)

Evil? You? Nahhhh.

Answers under the cut tho (sad character stuff ahead)

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

"I hate waiting."

Assuming she has to be conscious for this... The Scions (well, Thancred and Yda specifically) timed her once. She made it to 7 minutes 23 seconds before she was overwhelmed with the boredom and got up to go find a target dummy to beat up.

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

"I try to support them. It's nice to learn new things from someone who loves it."

She's got a lot of Emotional Baggage ™ that lends towards not outwardly showing a lot of unguarded enthusiasm, but she's managed to surround herself with a lot of enthusiastic people (and Urianger), so they've slowly been drawing it out of her. She'll go along with nearly anything just to learn more about the world around her, so while it's hidden under a layer of "don't show weakness to anyone", she loves learning about what makes them happy.

...Though if they catch her fresh out of a sparring session, the guard is way down and the curious joy is way more visible.

What memory do they revisit the most often?

"I... don't want to talk about that. Ever."

Emotional Baggage ™ was no joke. Part of why she can't sit still or feels unable to express herself outwardly like her friends can is because of the Bozja Incident and subsequent lab imprisonment/experiments, which she ends up dwelling on uselessly if she is forced into downtime. (She'll get over this somewhat after Shadowbringers, but it is The Memory she uses in that one moment in Endwalker). The other memory that revisits her in the form of semi-regular nightmares is the chaos of the raid that took her bio family from her.

It's not all bad, but that would also be spoilers for stuff I'm going to actually write. Let's just say there's a good memory or two that will be what keeps her going during some of the rough spots.

#a realm rewritten #answering asks #a realm rewritten: asks and memes

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alanshee-keeper-of-realms · 1 year

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My name is Alanshee Valera,

I've made mistakes I've made choices but I've changed sometimes not in the best way and honestly I feel misjudged right now,

I'm seeing a therapist and she answered a lot and there is going to be a astronomical amount of baggage needing to be unpacked with me, if you see me elsewhere leave me alone please during this time because your baggage may be amongst that.

This is why when things come back up, I don't know how to handle it emotionally this is me saying I am sorry, but I don't feel emotion and that has caused hurt sprinkling I don't know how to communicate properly and you got yourself a shitstorm

From birth I have had a stressful household and if you look at modern sciences on how bad that is for somebody, even in the womb affected by the cortisol levels of the mother, I learned at a young age to detach myself emotionally and this leads to problems my therapist is currently working on me to reattach emotions and reorganize my memories and emotions of each of these memories so I can actually feel them,

This is what led into the fight over these last couple of days, me genuinely not understanding why nobody was getting where I was coming from and utter confusion over the reaction of others.

If you don't know me personally, and they can lie about this if they want, but my truth is, I can't remember what I did two years ago. I'm like an amnesiac patient. How can one get better when they can't even remember what they did?

All I can remember is that Monday and the emotions of hurt pain and agony, especially when I look at the art and photos, each of them that I love and still do because somebody drew them of my beloved creations,

And at the time it was out of appreciation for my own creations, at least that's what I thought.

That same creator has now done what they have done and just added more baggage on top that I will now have to sort out with my therapist as I don't know how to make this situation out and I guess that's why I don't know when to stop,

I don't know that I can choose I don't know how to be human because from my young age I learned to again disconnect myself emotionally from any stressful situation and I'm not talking five six years old I'm talking one to two years old, all of my life

I've been like this so for now this page is abandoned I do know one emotion I am feeling right now and that is fear that is genuine fear because of Diioodles post I think they were looking for me to cry no I'm just afraid for my family my little sister my mother my father who did not ask to be dragged into this,

Even if you think that you didn't people are cruel and they've been dragged in before so yeah I feel genuine fear because I've seen what people of this fandom do to people they don't like, call me a pro shipper when I am a neutral and I will stand by the fact

Labels are stupid and lead to more fights Democrat Republican, anti-pro shipper what is the difference? All I see are two groups fighting. So why are we forcibly labeling people I didn't understand that at time I will admit,

When they said don't call us that, I immediately apologized again, the emotional aspect of disconnection. I don't think of the factor of the fights. All I know is that they were seemingly open to listening to darker subjects,

they need to look at themselves and realize that with me they had no boundaries and that led to both of us ending up hurt, because I was blindly fumbling around not knowing where their boundaries were and they didn't know where their boundaries were

For all of them,

All I knew at my core is I need to defend myself immediately because I have people attacking me that maybe she can't change because nobody took the time to realize that there's something blocking that change, like I said I'm in therapy now have been for a couple weeks we are still in the very very early stages,

It's just today that my therapist realized that we need to work on not only me recognizing my emotions but also digging into my traumas and trying to correct them put them where they need to be and help me actually carefully connect to them because my brain has them disconnected.

I'm sorry for the pain I caused but I would like acknowledgment in the future of the pain you have caused Diisdoodles like I said both of us hurt each other especially now that you have me afraid for the safety of my family, one thing I actually constantly care for because if anything happens to them I'm done.

And I'm sorry if this doesn't come across right again, communication problem this is just how fucked up I am, I don't know how to communicate how I'm feeling what are the core aspects of being Human, I only know the pain the hurt and the agony I feel

Whether or not you genuinely believe me this is my truth

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skinni-girls-eat-books · 3 months

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Friday, January 26th, 2024!

12:38am busted a nut and it felt great, awesome way to start the day lol. Also so glad I deleted the emails, I don't even remember what they said and soon they will be totally forgotten :) I already feel more at peace.

10:26am still feeling better, haven't heard from him day #2 (new record!) I want to get away from him he's toxic and doesn't know it/ believe me/ won't do anything about it. Just worry about me lol.

10:47am there's nothing wrong with doing things with your own company btw. Just be safe and you're literally fine ❤️

10:58am FUCK I jinxed myself what the hell 😂 retarded ass I told him I miss him (as a friend) and he said thanks that makes me feel better.... 😑 Glad you feel better bro (no shit I never did anything to you too make your feel bad RIP) literally what? I can't.

4:02pm had some lunch earlier and took a 3? Hr nap very needed, sleep is important!! And I only had like 4-5hrs last night so this makes sense!! I am a girl who needs lots of sleep especially when I am wanting to achieve my best mental health!! Do not feel guilty that you slept in the middle of the day you needed rest!! I love you ❤️

5:18pm laundry in the wash, trash taken out and I'm going to pick up BC RX. I love summer and warm weather but I have to be ok with sweating lol!

Pros >>> cons :) of going outside

11:15pm oops got drunk and watched too many relationship videos = bad. My heart hurts. I want him to feel pain. I fucking hate him and I want him to know (mmmmm maybe this is what I'm manifesting/ loa??) Fuck him fuck him fuck him I hope he gets fucking cheated on ong stupid prick narcissist. Fuck you you're no longer in my life fuck you and your small dick frfr.

I am a beautiful person, with a heart and soul that would NEVER do that shit to someone and that's why I know I'm fucking better. Someone with empathy, with half a brain, would not do that to another human being especially one they've known for years. I know I'm better, kinder, more loving, more respectful, more empathetic, more genuine and real AF, smarter with more emotional intelligence, more confident in myself not to need some half-ass bitch in my life, I'm going to get farther in life than he can even dream of, I get bitches on days I don't even shower bro, I have bitches hitting me up fucking constantly since you left and literally all their dicks have literally been bigger and fatter than yours and they've all been nicer more straight forward at least tbh 😂 bitch you are the bottom of the barrel and I'm the cream of the crop you could not pull me now with your little bitch ass bro wtf so fucking unconfident and with so much mental baggage and mommy and daddy issues the only flex you have is your physical body that's literally so sad and I will fucking stand on this shit, if you only pride yourself on physical appearance and ability but have nothing psychological or emotional or financial or support to provide,,, you're literally a walking dildo I'm sorry but literally please fix your fucking mental before you come at me!!!! I said what I said and I have felt this way for a while, kinda like a woman just being a fleshlight with no emotional or intellectual contribution to the relationship JFC I CAN'T it does go both ways for men and women.

Y'all are so immature and I am above you both I said what I said my confidence scares both of you coward bitches and I will get so much farther in life than the both of you combined x2 I stg because I know my mf worth and I know what and who will not take up my mf time and space. Y'all are so peabrained and act like fucking high schoolers, there's really no point in talking to y'all either bc of the stereo effect with y'all just tell each other what the other wants to hear, enabling the never ending shitty ass behavior with your insane mentally and morally wrong ways of justifying your actions. Nonsensical which is WHY it's so confusing to people who follow LOGICAL thinking..... That cognitive dissonance is the star of the shit show.

Fuck you and good riddance, can't wait for my birthday to know true fucking peace of mind. ❤️

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chaoticipseity · 1 year

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One thing about trauma recovery that's really weird to me is when you have these little random ah-ha moments.

Like I have a lot of activities I used to be very passionate about, but stopped doing during the really low points or they've got too much emotional baggage around them. So I do the work to unpack everything and start reclaiming those things I used to love and it's great because I still love them and it makes me feel more like myself.

But I'll also get really frustrated because my life used to revolve around these things and I can't get all that passion back. It's frustrating not being able to burn through books, spend hours at the drawing table, or even not getting the same kind of joy out of video games and tv.

But then it'll hit me that I would throw myself into these things as a form of escapism. And now I'm at the point where my life is peaceful and happy. I don't need an escape so I don't desperately cling to these things for comfort or soothing like I used to. I still like doing them, but they're normal hobbies now. I think that's a pretty fair trade-off.

#personal #trauma #recovery #hobbies #interests

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1-1-s1ay-2-2 · 2 years

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Those who pose and those who know

Because there comes a time when you gotta do what's right for you whether it's right for anyone else or not. People will give you grief about doing what you need to do for yourself. Some folks will go so far as to attempt to "guilt-trip" you for doing what's BEST for you.

They'll try to make you feel bad about it...or about yourself.

Some people who claim to love you will be toxic, as to express negative feedback about you putting yourself first and making decisions that reflect the regard of your own wellbeing -- instead of theirs. Some folks really do get butthurt because you wanna do what's best for you.

It's like that hurts people's feelings to think you actually want to make a good decision for yourself. If your good decision takes away their manipulation, power, and control over you, they will do their best to keep you from making the right decision.

People will be like...but you should do this instead.

They might not say it outright, but their negative actions and lack of genuine encouragement will speak volumes. And you don't even need ears to hear what they'll have to say.

Pay attention to their actions, their body language, whether they smile at you when they speak. You can always tell when a person is authentically happy for you, or if they are secretly rooting for your demise...waiting for it even. Those people are the posers in your life.

They've been holding you back for quite some time. You need to recognize how they devalue who you are, how they degrade your actual worth, and how they perpetuate the old habits you need to break free of to break the toxic cycle of letting them have power and influence over you and your daily, personal decisions.

The last thing they want is for you to gain your freedom from them.

They want to keep you small and in that awkward spot between "a rock and a hard place."

Your suffering brings them a weirdly twisted comfort because they know they have you right where they want you. Learn to recognize true love from intentional love...or...love with a personal agenda.

The authenticity of their love is everything. Their intent is everything.

Some people love you for their own reasons: because of how it makes them feel to love you, or what you do for them by loving them, the pseudo self-worth they might feel you give them, or because you help them not feel lonely or alone.

It could be for physical reasons. It could be for emotional or mental or spiritual reasons even...but if it's still for their own self-gain, it's not true love. True love loves and does without thinking.

If they love you for themselves without actually loving you for you, for who you are, for what you believe, for how you speak and think and act -- their love for you isn't unintentional...it's not unconditional.

They love you with the intent of what they need from you. Their intentions are skewered, and so too will be their love for you.

They love you when they got the time...but not on their dime.

They love you "when they can" or if things are "just right".

They love you when life is on a "high" for them -- and it's easy or convenient to love you.

That kind of love is a lie, and in the end, it screws you.

It took me decades of my life and loving the wrong people to figure this stuff out for myself. My personal experience is just that, my experience with the people who have been in my life for the last forty-six years. Some of those experiences, while some were positive and nurturing, were toxic and abrasive.

It left me with a lot of proverbial "baggage" but also, it taught me how to find the "silver lining" in almost any situation.

I guess I have that to be thankful for.

But I digress...

It's not the end of the line. Loving yourself starts with loving God. You're never alone in any of your decisions. You're never alone at all.

#posing for love #explained #slay faith #slay the day

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phoebe-delia · 2 years

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Phoebe's Ultimate Drarry Playlist

@ginnyxdarling-1, you asked me to list the songs that I think best encapsulate Drarry. You were very sweet to inquire, multiple times I might add, as to whether I was putting too much effort into this. And I did. But you see, Jet, you know as well as I do that when our ADHD brains are interested in something, they will sink their claws in and not let go until they're satisfied.

As you can guess, there are mostly Taylor Swift songs on here *gasp* shocker I know. But there are other songs by other artists, if for no other reason than to prove that I listen to *some* other things. (But in my defense, Taylor has songs in so many fucking genres and styles that I can satisfy pretty much any musical craving with her music. I fucking love her.)

Anyway, on to the list! I'm going to list the songs by other artists first, and then all the Taylor songs in their own category since there are so many of them. There will, of course, be a little explanation for each song. (There also may or may not be self-recs in there if I wrote a fic for a song.)

Read on to see my essential Drarry songs listed in no particular order. Enjoy!

"I Hate Myself for Loving You" by Joan Jett:

Why it's Drarry: I think the title sorta speaks for itself, doesn't it? It's not a perfect fit, but here's what I imagine. Drarry have been secretly dating sorta on-and-off, but Draco wants more/to go public. So, naturally, rather than communicate, he makes Harry jealous in some club. Harry storms over and pulls Draco away from the stranger and kisses him in front of everyone.

Stand-out Lyrics:

I hate myself for loving you Can't break free from the things that you do I wanna walk but I run back to you That's why I hate myself for loving you

"Savior Complex" by Phoebe Bridgers:

Why it's Drarry: This, to me, is Drarry trying to work out their baggage from the war, both with each other and their own individual trauma. It's going to mean a lot of vulnerable, emotional conversations, but it's worth it for them both. And it'll be easier than they think. Also the title, I mean c'mon that's Harry right there.

Stand-out lyrics:

I'm a bad liar With a savior complex All the skeletons you hide Show me yours, and I'll show you mine

Read I fic I wrote for this song here!

"Dark Side" by Kelly Clarkson:

Why it's Drarry: I need to write a songfic for this and I will, probably soon. But, as you can probably guess, this song is Draco admitting to Harry that he has a lot of issues and asking him to be there to bring him back to who he really is, who he wants to be when the self-loathing kicks in. It's so perfect for Draco, my goodness.

Stand-out lyrics:

Or will you stay Even if it hurts Even if I try to push you out Will you return? And remind me who I really am Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's a picture perfect But we're worth it You know that we're worth it Will you love me? Even with my dark side?

"The Thrill of First Love" from the musical Falsettos:

Why it's Drarry: Oh my GOD the bickering. This entire song is JUST BICKERING AND FLIRTING!!!! *imagine me flailing emphatically* Marvin is Harry from Cursed Child, and Whizzer is so Draco it almost hurts. I want so so so bad to capture this dynamic for a fic...somehow. I don't know how, yet, but I'll figure it out I swear. Go listen to this song you will thank me later.

Stand-out lyrics (ALL OF THEM! Seriously GO listen to this song. You don't need the musical's plot context. But I'll give you this): "We ask for passion at all times/We stand for passion and drink this toast/Still it's awfully trying/And we're not denying/That of all the lesser passions/We like fighting most."

"History" by One Direction

Why it's Drarry: This, to me, is Drarry about to break up because they've been fighting a lot and it's strained. But it all ends up okay! They decide to do whatever it takes to work it out. They love each other more than they want to be prideful, and they're determined to stay together. They're happiest together, and they'll fight for each other. Plus, they have a lot of history ;)

Stand-out lyrics: "You and me got a whole lot of history/We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen/You and me got a whole lot of history/So don't let it go, we can make some more, we can live forever."

⊱ ───────{.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

All the rest of these are Taylor Swift songs :)

"The Way I Loved You"

Why it's Drarry: This song is perfect (PERFECT) for a Drarry make-up break-up fic (...more on that in a minute). It just perfectly captures their dynamic if they were to have a secret relationship that ends because they're scared of public reaction. One of them (Draco in the fic I wrote because I couldn't bear to do Ginny that dirty) starts dating someone else who should be Societally Perfect for him, but he misses the other man so much. Their relationship was dramatic and a little turbulent but it had passion and chemistry and all the things we love about Drarry. And, of course, they get back together.

Stand-out lyrics (seriously the whole song is perfect but):

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain And it's 2:00 a.m. and I'm cursing your name So in love that you act insane And that's the way I loved you Breakin' down and coming undone It's a roller coaster kinda rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you

Read the fic I wrote for the song here!

"Superman"

Why it's Drarry: This is Draco falling fast and hard for Harry in the early stages of their relationship. Honestly, this is a little OOC for Draco, too sickly sweet and hero worship-y. But the sentiment is there in a lot of ways because Draco does have a lot of admiration for Harry and sees him as an imperfect hero. Plus it has the theme of saving people, which is pretty real for them.

Stand-out lyrics:

He's got his mothers eyes, his father's ambition I wonder if he knows how much that I miss him

(RIGHT???) okay also:

And I watch superman fly away Come back, I'll be with you someday I'll be right here on the ground When you come back down

"I Know Places"

Why it's Drarry: This is basically the opposite of "Ours." It's Drarry in a secret relationship or a new one, and they're avoiding the media and haters as much as possible. They've got to find stolen moments together away from the rest of the world.

Stand-out lyrics:

Baby, I know places we won't be found and They'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down 'Cause I, I, I, I know places we can hide I know places I know places

and

They take their shots, but we're bulletproof (I know places) And you know for me it's always you (I know places) In the dead of night, your eyes so green (I know places) And I know for you it's always me (I know places)

Read the fic I wrote for this song here! (it's technically a sequel to another one but you don't need the context to understand)

"Call It What You Want"

Why it's Drarry: This song, out of all of Taylor's discography (thus far), best captures Drarry's post-war dynamic. It's just lovely for them. This song is great because it's about them facing the world, despite their baggage and damage. They seek comfort and strength in each other. They don't care what people want to label them, because how they feel and treat each other is more important. It's great for Draco after the war, slowly rebuilding himself, learning to forgive himself, and letting Harry forgive him. He's starting to believe that he deserves the kind of love Harry wants to give him, and he'll learn to trust both himself and Harry.

Stand-out lyrics: (okay, truly all of them, so this is gonna be a lot, hang on.)

My castle crumbled overnight I brought a knife to a gunfight They took the crown, but it's alright All the liars are calling me one Nobody's heard from me for months I'm doing better than I ever was, 'cause

My baby's fit like a daydream Walking with his head down I'm the one he's walking to So call it what you want, yeah, call it what you want to

and

And I know I make the same mistakes every time Bridges burn, I never learn, at least I did one thing right I did one thing right

and

I recall late November, holdin' my breath Slowly I said, "You don't need to save me But would you run away with me?" Yes (would you run away?)

See the fic I wrote for the song here!!

"The Archer"

Why it's Drarry: Well, really it's Harry. It's soooo Harry, my poor baby. He's processing a lot of trauma. This song really captures that, and it is almost scarily, eerily accurate. Like. I'll just show you the lyrics.

Stand-out lyrics:

Easy they come, easy they go I jump from the train, I ride off alone I never grew up, it's getting so old Help me hold onto you

and

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost The room is on fire, invisible smoke And all of my heroes die all alone Help me hold onto you

and

All the king's horses, all the king's men Couldn't put me together again 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends Help me hold onto you

The fic I wrote for this song is the third in a series of three ficlets. I am very proud of all three, and you can read them all here.

"peace"

Why it's Drarry: This is similar to "Dark Side" in some ways. It's Draco asking Harry to stay with him even though he's not easy to be with. He's prickly and difficult and sarcastic, but he'll always be loyal and ultimately loving. He wants to be enough for Harry, and he knows they face challenges, and he'll do his best but being with him is going to bring criticism. It would be easier for Harry to marry Ginny and become an official part of the Weasley family, but Draco loves him and wants to do his best to be the right person for Harry.

Stand-out lyrics:

I never had the courage of my convictions As long as danger is near And it's just around the corner, darling 'Cause it lives in me No, I could never give you peace

But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm If your cascade ocean wave blues come All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Your integrity makes me seem small You paint dreamscapes on the wall I talk shit with my friends It's like I'm wasting your honor.

Read the fic I wrote for this song here!

"gold rush"

Why it's Drarry: This song was the one that inspired me to write Taylor Swift/Drarry songfics in the first place, actually. It's perfect for a pining Draco, IMO. It's about wanting someone so beautiful, so perfect, and so beloved by everyone, and you hate yourself a little for wanting them so much and feeling so raw and vulnerable around them, but you can't help it.

Stand-out lyrics:

But I don't like a gold rush, gold rush I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch Everybody wants you Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you

and

What must it be like To grow up that beautiful? With your hair falling into place like dominoes My mind turns your life into folklore I can't dare to dream about you anymore At dinner parties Won't call you out on your contrarian shit And the coastal town We never found will never See a love as pure as it 'Cause it fades into the gray of my day old tea 'Cause it will never be

Gleaming Twinkling Eyes like sinking ships On waters so inviting I almost jump in

Read the fic I wrote for this song here!

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syubub · 3 years

Text

May 13th Reading

Definitely long awaited and way bigger than I intended it to be so buckle up.

Funky disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards!

Oh boy. The continuation of yoongis soulmate saga.

(Note frome future me: it's not proofread but I'm hungry. Sorry for mistakes!)

So so so so

Let's start.

I started with all the normal jazz. Connecting with his energy and shit. Same as usual same old same old. Platform= same same. I was like, "hey, let's talk about your soulmate and the whole may 13th shit" and we connected via energy stringy thing to the forehead and such. I was intresting bc my end of the string was kinda my energy color! Neato. Looks like some rest has really done me good!

Okay, here's where I start actually asking shit. I made notes at this point before the reading as I usually do. I'm just gonna insert the screen shot here.

The 14 thing really fucked me up. You'll see later. Also, when I got the whole Pisces Jupiter thing I had to do me some googling bc we established that Jupiter went into Pisces ON May 13th so I was like?? Am I missing something?

I was. I forgot that it goes retrograde and then co.es back to Pisces on December 28th. And I do indeed think it to be significant.

The shit about temperance makes a lot of sense. In yoongis first soulmate read I flipped my shit bc he was like, "You're gonna get temperance reverse" in regards to a card for his soulmate and I was like "pft whatever. Don't play me like that"

And then I got temperance reverse. It's been a significant card from the jump.

I asked him if he had any advice for his soulmate and that's what "Don't wait for big things, you'll miss the small ones that lead you to bigger things" and "Look for facts before assuming" and "Don't try pushing it, forcing it won't make sense" and "A spade is a spade/ ace is an ace" and "Don't make ill informed guesses" all were

Now this part:

"Union has happened , yet to on the physical"

Gave me some hints thankfully because he straight up said no more hints.

This ties back into the whole Jupiter thing too. The seeds are/ have been planted and now they have to grow before they can be harvested.

Well Mr. Yoongi, I'm impatient and I don't want to wait. I want to see you in love pronto.

Anyways

He showed me a little dream box/ trinket box looking thing and a super vague Keychain with no further explanation... so... there's that I guess.

I can't quite decide if "Don't make ill informed guesses" was a tongue-in-cheek pike at me or if it was genuine advice to his soulmate? He just loves to not explain things.

Now let's begin the monster read.

So. The first row of cards

I asked the question, "what the fuck was May 13th and what was it's purpose in regards to your connection"

Important is what it was lol. I interpret this as them finding their footing and this being the starting point of the genuine foundation being layer. Like they've been manifesting eachother for a while but May 13th marked the start of them making the real life changes in their actual lives that will be the set up for them meeting.

The seven of coins is about thoughtful planning and creating security/ stable plan. The tower is essentially ripping away anything and everything that was built on unstable foundation and challenging/ testing your character (an extremely rude awakeing if you will). Judgement is releasing the past so you can rise above it and confronting yourself as you are (Also legit awakening) the queen of coins is financial security and self confidence in your abilities. Ten of coins is prosperity and abundance and most of all, stability. Eight of wands is explosion of potential and rapid movement. Temperance is awareness and balance between physical and spiritual. It's also that quiet peace where you find balance.

So. Seeing all those cards it really does seem like maybe his soulmate took on something new that could lead straight to union? Same for yoongi. I'd like to analyze and recent or new-ish habits or hobbies he's picked up?

Moving right along though. I asked what the 13th did for each of them in their personal life and personal journey. Kinda like what came as a result of that energy? Let's start with yoongles

This was really intresting to me. I think he definitely gained some form of clarity about the situation with that sun card. The 5 of cups tells me that either he was kinda forced to confront some of his flaws in a way that he was trying to avoid or he had to consciously let go of something dear to him? Could be something he had to leave behind because it crumbled with the tower moment but he didn't see it coming or didn't know that it was time to part with it? With that queen of wands though fits beautifully with the sun! Its like he's found warmth after a long winter. Definitely found a spark of compassion and generosity from a place of happiness and love rather than anger, fear, obligation or pitty.

I asked for clarity cards/ anything else that may 13th signified bringing in and we got the 2 of cups and 10 of swords. I have two thoughts. Either he let go of a relationship that he was already in because he didn't feel as though they were particularly compatible anymore (Also ties into the above section) OR the 13th had made him very much consciously aware of his soulmates incoming status and he is now preparing and working on himself for when this person comes. The 10 of swords would be him releasing the past and the pain and any ill fitting behavior that don't vibe with him any longer. Yellow really seems to be working for him by the way.

Soulmate time

Lol. All signs point to his soulmate genuinely starting a new venture. New creative pursuit that will bring them good money. 10 of pentacles is abundance, prosperity and stability. The ace of wands is a new creative spark and passion and it's the first big steps into something new. The 2 of wands is "the world is in the palm of your hands" vibes. Choices need to be made swiftly and with the ace of wands I think they will be. With the heirophant too, it will be a well informed decision because they've been manifesting this and has been searching for all the possible information.

As for clarity, we have the moon. Damn. Soulmates been doing that shadow work. Dredging up all their bullshit and getting rid of it while still taking the time to sit with it and release it so nothing is unresolved. Also probably extra creative due to all the emotional baggage being thrown out. (Definitely helping with the ace of wands vibes tbh)

Now for the bad boys in the middle

The question I asked is what those individual changes (detailed in the last two sections) will bring for the bond and I just can with them. These fuckers. I am so invested in their love story bc it's so... them? And just so fucking ROMANTIC. UGH I CAN'T.

Back to the point. High priestess, 4 of wands and the lovers. The high priestess is deep knowing and insane intuition, the 4 of wands is the purest joy and marriage and the lovers is well, the lovers.a magical union.

FUCK DUDE I NEED THIS TO BE A ROMCOM.

For the row of bottom cards

I asked if they had anything at all to add so I'm gonna explain each card individually bc I think they could be individual tid bits of shit.

Knight of coins is good news about finances/ money looking promising and organized work (also dependability!!). Death is all about transformation, the beginning of a new chapter and accepting in order to move foward. Ace of coins is spiritual and material abundance and also a reminder to keep grounded. Page of swords is confidence, important news coming and really good insight! Roots out secrets or hidden things like a truffle pig. The star is promising potential, healing and guidance from an enexpected place. The two of cups is a soul connection, love, intuition especially in regards to another person and a good bind. The emperor is self awareness, foresight, fearlessness to achieve a goal and confidence. Eight of coins rev is poor discipline and skating by on low effort.

Now to the sides!

Yoongi is the left, soulmate is the right.

So, let's begin with yoongi. The first two cards are anything he wants to say to his soulmate. Wheel of fortune and three of swords reverse. I take this as "its all in divine time/ it's destiny" (wheel of fortune) and "trust your intuition. It's okay to get hurt, you just need to remember you can always pick yourself up" (3of swords rev.)

We have now cards that I asked what he was learning through this process/ in this time. Be positive and first step.

The last two cards are affirmations he wants to give his soulmate.

"When I introduce joy to a situation, I change the vibrational frequency of what's happening around me" and "directing my focus onto what's thriving creates more of what I want"

Now for soulmates cards (same structure)

Strength and eight of swords. "You're stronger than you think. Take every part of yourself and acknowledge it. You're a force to be reckoned with" (strength) and (soulmate snapped at him on this) "the only thing holding you captive is you."

Now we have peer pressure (I think soulmate is learning to say "fuck you" and "fuck off" to people who have a set idea of how everyone should be living their lives), emotional healing and open your arms to receiving.

Then we have "its good to feel good" (lol I feel like yoongi definitely needs this one) and "when I connect to the spiritual realm, I open the door to recieve divine guidance, clear direction, and great wisdom"

The last stretch my friends.

So. Completion, leave behind the things that no longer serve you. Exist in the present and don't keep mulling over the past or any future happenings. Magic, pay attention to the magic around you. Listen for the signs of the universe and take them as they come (essentially listen to divine guidance) . Be open minded but logical as well. Luminous warrior, try focusing on the good in yourself instead of berating yourself for every small flaw. Spiritual path, self explanatory. The blade, your power can be a weapon when used willy nilly (most often wounding the wielder) or it can heal. Don't fear it but also consider how you choose to utilize it. The give away, be greaful for the sake of being greatful for it, not because you want something in return. The rain maker, manifestation station. Create with the tools you have because you have everything you need in order to manifest. "Don't take life personally"

Now we have heaven sent.

""Let yourself be helped" assistance is coming your way so act on it and say yes"

" This Oracle also comes with the message that you are to trust in the things that you feel and say to others without knowing why. It moves them. You might not understand, but through trust you are allowing yourself not to overthink and censor yourself. As such you are able to become a vessel through which the spiritual gift can be passed on to others. Don't block yourself. Let life happen through you. Only benefit can come from this."

And free from judgment, free to love

" If you have been asking life for a solution to a specific difficulty you have been having, this Oracle comes with the message that a solution is in gestation right now. This situation is already being sorted out and the resolution will come to fruition very soon. Hold tight and wait for the eminent birth of that resolution."

" This Oracle also brings you a message about love. You may find that you are loving, or soon will love, in a different way. You may worry about this love, given that it defies what you have known or been taught about love. Perhaps you are becoming able to love another tremendously, even though you don't have much of a personal relationship with them. You might question if this love is real. It is real Kama it is just happening at a different level to the love and attachment you experience when you are involved in a personal relationship with someone. It is not more or less, it is just a different facet of love. It may be that you are opening up to love the planet and her creatures, including the animals, the ocean dwelling life, your own body, the trees and so on, more than before period you may feel passionately purposeful about giving your time and energy to causes that protect and nurture the Earth and her creatures. You are affirmed in this love too. The universal mother is operating through you to nurture life. She will support you in your work, so that you can continue To come from love and not become drained, depleted or lost in despair or fear of futility. Instead, you will be energised and expanded by your dedicated service to life."

" Finally, this Oracle has a message for those who may be feeling alone or lonely in a need of greater nurturing from others. You are asked to stop, relax, centre and settle into your body to feel your connection with life itself. The air in your lungs is the same as the air that moves through the trees. The water in your blood is the same water that fills the oceans and is moved by the phases of the moon. The flesh of your body is the same substance as the body of the Earth itself. The heat in your digestive system is the same fire and heat as that from the Sun. Feel this connection, then do something nice for another without agenda. Make a donation, even if just a small one, smile, say a prayer, sent out a good thought or make a wish for another. That's it. You have connected to life again and in doing so, life can connect with you. And so it shall.

And that's all for the cards but but but.

Someone (either my guide or yoongi) was like, "do a song. Do a song. Do a song." And I was like, "oki doki, sounds good.

So I asked what numbers I should try refreshing and then it hit me. The number 14 came up before the reading and it seemed a bit misplaced? So I did 14 shuffles and look what popped up

You gotta be fucking with me.

Istg these fools will actually be the death of me dude. Euphoria is so romantic and I lowkey feels like it describes a bit of what their bond must be like.

YOONGGGIIII

Anyway,

I came back to the platform to be like, "thanks homie" and it was weird bc he was practically pure energy? Like usually I visualize his energy as what his physical body looks like because it's easier to comprehend? But nope, he was just a big shimmery glob of energy.

As I was going to disconnect, a few things happened. I felt tingly and the platform was vibrating almost? So I was like, "hold on, what the fuck is this?"

And then

It hit me

"MIN YOONGI IS YOUR SOULMATE HERE??"

I could tell this fuckin asshole was smug even in his blue glob form.

The color was... blue like yoongi but also a light lavender/ pink kinda vibe. Pretty damn distinct.

I was so stoked and I thought we'd all get to chat and I could yell at his soulmate for being an elusive asshat

But Mr smug butt had different plans.

My dude dropped a little marble thing in my hand and I was like ??? And he was like, "you'll know when you need it" and I was like ?????

My guide took pity on me and said, "it's just a representation on information that you've been given but it isn't the proper time to unpack it yet"

Cool cool so like and energetic zip file that will release itself whenever it damn well pleases? Cool cool cool.

(Asshole)

Anyway, I genuinely think that my excitement of this whole situation must somehow also influence how yoongis energy handles my prodding? Like what the fuck is this marble bullshit?

To top it all off, he gives me a friendly shove off of his platform.

Thanks, buddy.

Now we are here. And as always, I'm left with more questions.

My main take away is that amay 13th through July 28th will be all the foundation and ground work and December 28th 2021 through May 10th (11th? 9th?) 2022 will be a more likely time for physical union and actual relationship stuffs.

Anyone who knows more about astrology please feel free to chime in on this whole Jupiter in Pisces bit! My understanding is super surface level!!

~~~~

That was a big boi and now my thumbs hurt real bad. Hope you were entertained by the chaos.

#bts #bts tarot #bts reactions #yoongi #bts imagines #bts readings #yoongi imagine #bts suga #min suga #suga #min yoongi

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swashbucklery · 3 years

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I stopped watching SG years ago (due to lack of time not bc I didn't like it) but I have to ask - is Lena really becoming a witch? Are they going full Morgana again?

I've been enjoying SG a lot, anon! You should catch up if you have more time later.

Look. LOOK I am going to go on a tear here because like. Yes YES allegedly Lena is a witch do I know what that means NO all I know is that she went to Canada and a lady in a cave in Newfoundland was like LENA YOU LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOUR DEAD MA YOU'VE GOT THE GIFT and the gift is apparently witchcraft.

(Except that she didn't say "ma" she said "mother" and I think this is my one main grievance vis a vis the Newfie accents in that episode but that's a different post.)

And this is very polarizing on the internet, because people - this may shock you - have opinions about this storyline, which are various. And look. This show has uhhh not very many episodes left the crux of this season WILL BE everyone finding the magic MacGuffins and making a Beebo together and also apparently starting a Jane Jacobs book club you can accept that or you can be mad forever, you know? Life goes on.

But I think the reason I'm so into it is - yes yes on the surface level it's objectively very funny and also Canada. But also it's actually a very interesting arc for Lena, and a neat way to give her a storyline that actually pushes her to work through a lot of the unresolved baggage from S5 on her own, without her driving motivation being Winning Kara's Affection or Kara's scenes being totally monopolized by her relationship with Lena. Because: look. The unresolved thing for Lena is and has always been her struggles with ego and hubris. She's very smart and that's never been in question, but its how she uses that intelligence and the ways that, when she's hurting, her emotions often push her to weaponize her intelligence and do really hurtful things. And last season was, in a lot of respects, a wake-up call to the fact that like - she's done harm before but it's never had consequences the way that the Hope/Non Nocere project had visible consequences. Which I think Lena needed to see to understand that she can sometimes be at real risk of hurting people she loves if she feels they've hurt her first and that's like - not great!

And magic is such a good trope for a character like that because the themes that go well with it are often the interplay between power and ego and self and control. Magic is science elevated to another level, and just like science a very clever person can do very real harm - even if they don't mean to - by inventing the wrong thing or giving a great invention to the wrong person. Which Lena in 6a coped with by just like. Divesting herself of LCorp and removing the temptation of Accidentally Getting Mad And Doing Evil Science, but that doesn't really address the root issue of like. Lots of people get mad and don't accidentally do evil science, you know?

(This is also nearly-beat for beat the Willow late-series throughline in Buffy and I'm going to make a million references about it ok I cannot be stopped.)

I'd argue that it's not "full Morgana," but in a lot of ways Morgana is the archetype that Lena is pushing herself not to be, you know? Morgana is a very hurt, very lonely girl who uses magic to hurt people who have wronged her right back, and there's a part of Lena that really could go there, always.

So what I love about this arc is that this is kind of baking that potential into her as a character. She has to think things through, because there's much greater risk that she could Accidentally Get Mad And Magic Murder A Guy To Death since it's a part of her! It's a way to give Lena the chance to learn for herself how to work with those parts of herself and be the good person she keeps trying to be and that's cool. That's so much cooler than just the surface-level trope of like. Floaty pencil magic book aesthetics and I want to dive into it a lot!

#maybe it's not just kara who is cookie dough #maybe lena is cookie dough even more #you know?#do i want to write the fic where lena just sort of wanders around fogo island learning coping strategies #probably not but also kind of #it's compliCATEd #do i want to write the fic where lena buys fogo island in a fit of pique #because the food isn't very good #and if she's going to learn to do magic she NEEDS to have a decent vegan power smoothie for breakfast #also sort of maybe #i contain multitudes etc #lena luthor: something something powerful magic #lena luthor: is the b'y that builds the boat #tagfic #my fic #supergirl spoilers #supergirl #cw dcu feelings

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saranghanuuu · 3 years

Text

PERKS OF DATING A YOUNGER GUY I LEARNED AFTER WATCHING CHINESE DRAMA FIND YOURSELF + REVIEW!

1. He has less baggage

This means that he has more time to attend to your needs and wants unlike an older guy with a demanding schedule and lots of responsibilities at hand.

2. He's more open-minded and adventurous

They are open to having new experiences and won't judge you for veering off the path you should stay on.

3. He's infectiously energetic *ehem*

Need I say more? A younger guy's youthful sense will surely find unimaginable ways to impress you!

4. He puts you on a pedestal

A younger man will appreciate your maturity and experiences and will admire you for it. They're also most likely take advice from you without letting it bruise their ego.

5. He'll make you feel young

Be prepared to relive the fun parts of your younger years with him.

It's not so wrong to say that the May-December relationship is taboo, especially among Asians. Most people I know had this inkling that when a younger guy hooks up with a woman way older than him, it could prolly mean one of two things — the guy's a paramour or she's a sugar momma. I'm honestly not a fan of it either on the premise that women mature faster than men. Let's be real, an immature relationship is a disaster. But now that I'm in my late 20s, and a hopeless romantic single at that, I kinda pondered over this. It suddenly occurred to me, what if one day I’m caught up in the position of being pursued by a younger man? Will I let the stigma affect me emotionally? Or will I take the risk ‘coz all is fair in love? I still don’t have a definite answer to this question. However, watching Find Yourself served as an eye-opener for me to look at things from a different perspective.

Find Yourself is a 2020 Chinese drama starring Song Wei Long and Victoria Song. It tells the story of a 32-year old Executive Director who never *even once* experienced dating. Given her age and career stability, she receives constant pressure from the people around her to find someone to marry and has since frequented blind dates arranged by her family, friends, or colleagues. But this girl is just someone who swears by the "spark" - no spark, then no point to the relationship. She may be old for fantasizing over first love and such, but she still yearns that it'll naturally come to find her someday. Until her thirst for real romance is quenched by a 22-year-old guy who started working as an intern in her company at his brother’s request.

Although hesitant at first due to their huge age difference and the societal views, she went out with him on the condition that they'll keep it a secret for the first 3 months. If everything went well, she agrees to publicize her relationship with him.

Let’s start off with the good things...

I just can't with this drama...! This so beautiful, cute, relatable - especially for a woman in late 20s like me.

Plot-wise, it was well-imparted and makes perfect sense, touching a looooooot of relationship aspects in 41 episodes. Not only did I enjoy the happenings between our main couple, but our side couples' stories are very interesting too.

This drama pretty much straightened out my prejudice about age-gap relationships.

Light-hearted, just the way I like it! Every episode will make you smile and/or laugh hard.

Sexual tensions overload and superb kissing scenes! Let those hormones rush in. Not awkward to watch 'coz They. Did. Not. Hold. Back. Ack! If you're single, be prepared to feel MORE SINGLE watching this drama.

Well-written lines that will make you feel real emotions. The words will shoot you straight to the heart.

Acting-wise, the casts, from the mains down to the sides, did a super fine job in conveying the sentiments of their characters. My highest admiration goes to male lead Yuan Song, not (only) because he’s young, hot, and handsome, but because his youthful vibe made me reminisce the paradox of my early 20s awww. Anyways, in the beginning, I am sort of confused why (of all girls) he fell head over heels with our female lead He Fanxing who's obviously out of his league. I even suspected him of taking advantage of her naivety in matters of the heart. But as the drama went along, our dude proved himself genuine... That he's sincerely just a guy who's deeply in love with a woman... That indeed, true love can exist in this kind of relationship. Both Yuan Song and Fanxing emotionally benefited from each other and it's so lovely seeing that.

⚠️ AND SORRY BUT THIS IS A SPOILER ALERT⚠️

Halfway through the drama, our main couple called it quits. I'm somewhat grateful that it happened. Their break-up scene is just so powerful I had to rewind it many times. Not because I liked seeing them suffer from the consequences of their incompatibility. Rather, I loved it 'coz it became the turning point of their relationship.

Their love is premature, to begin with — trust isn't mutual, commitment is one-way, only showing each other's good sides in fear of the relationship turning sour, one is willing to compromise while the other wants to avoid responsibility, filled with doubts and insecurities. During this break-up phase, we were shown the difference between how kids and adults behave and decide in a dilemma. I suddenly remembered this one line delivered in the drama which I agree with — "Only kids would choose one or the other. Adults find solutions". The break-up also served as our main couple's period of contemplation about who and what they want in life. It taught them how to fully embrace their offbeat romance against the norms. Fortunately, things wrapped up into a sweet end.

And of course the bad...

Hmmm... Maybe I'm just not used to it but am I the only one who thinks that this drama is quite lengthy? Yes, I enjoyed it but it's not a good one to binge-watch. It took me almost a month to finish this I nearly drowned haha. Honestly, there were parts they could've just compressed instead of dragging it for too long. One example is Ye Luming and He Fanxing's relationship trial. Ooohhh I hate this part it brought shivers down my spine ugh. Well truth be told, Luming and Fanxing are compatible and better off as friends. They jive so well, and I give it to them that they're both adults who can only understand adult things.

But when Luming all of a sudden became a sneaky character to an intolerable point... Ah, I don't know anymore! Seeing how compelled Fanxing is to being Luming's girlfriend got under my skin. Although these ugly parts eventually became a good contributory factor to Fanxing's realization of her true feelings towards Yuan Song, but still...! I also hated Fanxing at one point for being so gullible in love. But yeah, I had to swallow it because that's her character setup in the first place. It should be expected of her to be hasty and dubious about it.

On the other hand, I wished they've been generous in showing us more about how Yuan Song and Fanxing's relationship is going after the public reveal. I've been waiting for this the entire time (they could've done so much more in 41 episodes' length!) so I'm quite disappointed.

After watching the second season of Well-Intended Love, I admit I lost interest in Chinese dramas. So watching this restored my faith in them. I even have a list of C-dramas lined up now! But I have to move on from this one first before I start another. It's not as easy as I thought ㅠㅠ

What do you think about this drama? Are we on the same frequency? ❤️

If you haven't watched this yet, watch it now. As in 지금부터 RIGHT NOW. Highly-recommended!

#find yourself #下一站是幸福 #song weilong #victoria song #chinese drama #romance #comedy #drama reviews #yuan song #he fanxing #chinese #romcom #cdrama #may-december relationship

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tothedarkdarkseas · 2 years

Note

D'you think Murdoc would choke Stu if given half the chance?

Love this question, been having a big think about it between constant background work.

The answer is more or less yes, with several asterisks and not at all in the same way that I think Stuart chokes Murdoc. For starters, I think Murdoc would do anything Stu asked him to; if, hypothetically, Stu were to indicate that he wanted to be choked, I think Murdoc would respond and do as he's told. I don't think this scenario is very realistic though, at least in my version of the characters, as I don't imagine Stu would be especially interested and would definitely not say as much to Murdoc, whom he holds in a special codependent contempt-- it's a lot more likely he'd let Paula do it when she suggests it, with a bit of curiosity of his own, and in the end I don't think he'd like it very much. However, if the question is whether Murdoc would choke Stu unprovoked simply because the opening is there... not in a sexual context, no. I don't think so, at least. I can envision the two of them fighting before or after intimacy at some level and in a physical altercation I think Stuart is always first to go for Murdoc's throat, but I think Murdoc is very much willing to take low blows and give as good as he gets when his fight response is triggered, so I don't reckon he considers anything to be off the table no matter how much he otherwise reveres Stuart: he'll choke, he'll scratch, he'll bite, he'll grab or kick for the balls, he'll bend a wrist backwards almost to breaking. In all, he'll make his personal life a lot more unpleasant following this big blowout, considering his keyboard player's got a hand brace on and his favourite bedfellow's holding a bag of frozen peas on his cock. Bad move.

This also raises the question of whether Murdoc wants to choke Stuart, and I lean toward no. Not necessarily a hard no, not in a misty-eyed, quivering lipped "I'd never hurt you, my love" sort of way-- I think he wants to give Stuart a smack and a throttle as much as he wants to smack anyone, at times more, it's just much more common that he wants Stuart to smack and throttle him-- but I do think there's heavy baggage between them that Murdoc only does an effective job avoiding during the earliest phases, when he's completely fried on speed. I think there's something more appealing in their dynamic when Murdoc isn't at the extreme poles of abusing Stuart nor moping tragically over never wanting to hurt him again, but rather standing uncomfortably in front of the road signs that can't point him where he's going anymore because they've got graffiti over the top telling him what a cunt he is, how much he looks like his father now, how a sack of scum and shit walking and talking like a man can't fool the real people forever. I just think it's interesting if he wants the man wholly but doesn't want the honesty that makes the man whole. I think it's interesting if he goads Stuart into being "as bad" as he is by allowing him that freedom to hate him, to choke him, to use him, and he's quite wrongfooted when Stu isn't able to reconcile them being this way regardless of the unkindness he feels toward Murdoc. He is in fact most skittish when faced with Stuart's own miserable swells of regret and (not even particularly positive) emotional investment in his actions-- or maybe that is calling it too much, maybe it's more like Stuart's inability to detach himself from his actions so completely as Murdoc can. Whether we're talking about the denial and hedonism of phase 1-2 or the regret and rejected redemption following phase 3, I think it's more compelling when Murdoc doesn't want Stu to yield, to be smaller, to take less or give more for Murdoc's sake. It's not just that I don't really write Murdoc stepping higher on Stu's knelt back, I just don't believe Murdoc wants Stu to kneel.

I'm not saying there's no world where it could happen, but it's definitely not the same motivation or energy that leads time and time again to Stuart's hands pressing on Murdoc's throat. I'm sure Murdoc finds the thought appealing, but less appealing than he finds Stu's retaliation.

#headcanon posts #long post #sorta!#sorry this probably got off track and makes less sense by the end #i just kinda spitball my words out and then run

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roswelldetails · 4 years

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RNM 2x06 - Sex and Candy

EPISODE SUMMARY:

Maria’s (Heather Hemmens) investigation into her mother’s disappearance leads her and Alex (Tyler Blackburn) to the home of a mysterious boot maker named Travis (guest star David Anders). Meanwhile, on her journey of self-discovery, Isobel’s (Lily Cowles) night out leads her into the arms of someone unexpected. Finally, after making some major scientific strides, Liz (Jeanine Mason) is dealt a devastating blow. Geoff Shotz directed the episode written by Rick Montano & Vincent Ingrao (#206). Original airdate 4/20/2020.

DETAILS:

Max and Isobel's fight:

Lights start flickering when Max starts getting aggressive and then get brighter as he gets more worked up.

The first attempt to expel it seemed like he was causing an earthquake. He blew out all the windows in the gym, knocked Isobel down, and there was shaking. But it didn't seem to go beyond that room - no damage is seen when Michael arrives or around town.

Note, after the earthquake thingie the lights go out

His hands are doing the electric power thingie and THEN he also grabs the lightning.

I think Isobel used her telekinesis to stop it and then push it away, which seemed to work...but if so then why couldn't Noah do that last season?

Was it the sheer volume of electricity? There was definitely MORE than with Noah.

Michael uses his telekinesis to manually reset Max's heart. This is very smart of him. Note that he's using his own heart/pulse to get it right.

They are using the antidote to Liz's serum to try to heal Max's mind.

Michael says that they've been giving him antidote injections for three days (time jump).

Three days of antidote and no new memories for Max.

Isobel remembered her blackouts within a few hours of getting injected with the antidote in 1x10.

Note: Liz hesitated using the antidote this way in 1x10 because Isobel could still be dangerous and they didn't know about the 4th Alien yet. There doesn't seem to be a similar hesitation with Max. Because Liz trusts him more? Because him forgetting her is more personal? It's not like there isn't a chance that Max is still dangerous…

Maria arranged a Mexican market in the Pony parking lot to subsidize her income.

Buffy the Beagle is Forrest's dog!

Maria comments that the meteor shower makes animals act strange. And humans too.

Forrest and Maria are organizing an open night mic at the Wild Pony. Free drinks for performers.

Maria clearly approves of Forrest and Alex getting to know each other. She smacks Alex for his awkward flirting.

The bootmaker's farm is about an hour outside of town.

The Science:

Kyle and Steph are watching a "surgical separation of craniopagus twins".

Craniopagus Twins = twins attached at the cranium/head. (Aka not a heart surgery).

"Did you know, ever since 1947, twin births in Roswell are higher than the national average? Maybe it's aliens."

Speaking of awkward flirting…. "You're just my favorite person I can't stand."

The Spanish:

Le cambio una bolsa de chiles para mi papá...for the free fries next time you come to the Crashdown.

Liz is bartering. She says basically, I'll trade you a bag of chiles for my papa for free fries next time you come to the Crashdown.

Note, the captions for this are wrong and use the Spanish word for grasshoppers instead, but you can clearly hear Liz say chiles. Thanks to @rosaortecho for pointing that out to me.

Max says:

I'm trying to eat clean. Uh, tiene carne seca sin como se dice, preservativos.

He's trying to say, basically, does the jerky have preservatives.

Quiere carne a sin preservativos?

Basically, you want meat without condoms?

Lo siento. Uh, no lo entiendo.

I'm sorry, I don't get it.

Él quiere decir conservantes.

He means preservatives.

Gracias. Estoy embarazado.

Thank you. I'm pregnant.

Michael asks Max who he's texting. Max says everyone has been messaging him but Cameron is the only one who hasn't responded, which isn't like her.

Wildly curious who he was texting though. It's not like he's a social butterfly. His mom? The sheriff? Who? As I pointed out to some friends the other day, he spent his 21st birthday getting trashed with his SISTER. This is not a trait of a guy with lots of close friends.

Just as another note, Michael says he ghosted her. When exactly was that? Yes, Max ran out on her in the middle of a handy in 1x03, but they addressed that the next day. She "broke up" with him in 1x07, but they were still good right up until she left town.

Isobel:

"Does he seem different to you?"

Alex and Maria playing "Never have I Ever" in the car. Good way to do background on characters.

Maria has never cheated on a boyfriend

Alex has never been in a real relationship. Not even "Kellie Sommer-something".

Alex says that whenever he was with a woman he was trying to disappear. Except for Sophomore year after Battle of the Bands. Seven Minutes in Heaven in Haley Moore's hall closet. Alex and Maria kissed and it was Maria's first kiss (and boob graze). She always thought she'd marry Alex. Had to come up with a new plan after he came out.

Alex says "I did too."

"Kissing you in that closet was the first time in my life that I enjoyed touching someone."

Max picks up Liz for their first date…

Just as a note, Save Tonight was the opening song in the pilot of OG Roswell. During the "oh, Max Evans is staring at you again." exchange between Liz and Maria. So, it might go well with new beginnings or something ;-)

The Science:

"Psychogenic amnesia limits retrieval of stored memories, but if we light up your limbic system and gustatory cortex with some familiar signals…"

"Your milkshake might bring all my memories to the yard?"

**Note, second reference to this song in the context of Liz bringing Max milkshakes. First was in 1x06 by Isobel. Hmm. 1x06 and 2x06… maybe they should crack this joke in 3x06 too.

"Sometimes when people wake up from comas they have different personalities, different tastes even…"

Everything you ever wanted to know about psychogenic amnesia:

But, my main takeaway is that it's a specific type of amnesia where there's abnormal memory function but no brain damage or other clear cause of it.

Limbic system:

Basically the part of your brain that stores emotion, behavior, and long term memory.

Gustatory cortex:

Basically the part of your brain that processes taste.

Maria compares Michael to Chad because he starts fights and lies. Alex disagrees and lists ways that he was doing good things:

He lied to protect his family from Alex's family.

He shouldered the burden of a murder he didn't commit for ten years so that Isobel didn't have to.

He pushed Maria away to protect her - which might be a good thing too because of all his baggage.

First Date:

Max went to Ranch camp one summer and dislocated his shoulder while trying to read Lord of the Rings on horseback. #nerd.

Liz references the gala as not their first date, but there was also the desert in high school. I guess she doesn't count that either.

Side note: Cam and Liz talked about him peacocking in 2x03, but that kinda felt out of character at the time to the Max we knew. This Max DOES seem like he's peacocking a bit. Got dressed up, taking Liz horseback riding. He admitted to trying to one up whatever they did together before. Just an interesting (to me) observation.

Liz looks panicky when Max suggests truth serum (because Science!Liz probably could make truth serum), but once she realizes he means whiskey she's like, "oh yes, that's fine." Oh Liz…

Diego details:

They were engaged just last year

Liz left without saying goodbye

Bioengineer

They were working together on the Denver study

They would come home and keep talking about work

He had ideas to help improve it

They both spoke The Science

He pushed her to get better at The Science

When the funding was cut she realized she loved the work more than him

Liz couldn't figure out how tell him that so she packed her things in the middle of the night, hit the road, changed her phone, and blocked him on Facebook.

**This is the first time LIZ has mentioned social media. Interesting given the crap Maria keeps giving her about it!

Travis and fresh warm milk. What is up with it??

"Nice ring. Does it keep you from burning up in the daylight?"

David Anders introduces himself as Travis.

Just as a point of interest, Maria researched enough to find the bootmaker, figure out where he lives, but she didn't get his name???

Vampire Diaries/Originals reference.

Travis says he can't help with car stuff.

The milk was from a cow named Jennifer. He milked her for the last time today. (Creepy).

Weird contradictory statements from Travis:

"You're the best thing I've seen in a long time."....

"Mm, I'm sorry. So many customers and all their ugly faces get all sewn up and stitched together in my mind."

"Yeah, that's the woman that bought them boots. While back. Nice lady. She paid cash."

Second reference to animals behaving strangely during a meteor shower:

"Meteor shower's got my girls singing a bit off key tonight. Jennifer, she likes a good lullaby."

"Okay this guy is going to turn us into skin suits." (OG reference? Or just general sci-fi?)

Meteorchella at Planet 7 (Coachella-style party during meteor shower?) with any excuse to add sparkles!

Kyle says he's at Planet 7 because he's trying not to hang out with people from high school.

Isobel says she's trying to have fun without feeling like prey.

Don't think the details of Kyle/Isobel dancing matters all that much, but as a point of amusement I'll share that in the panel on Tuesday night they shared that Lily whispered something different to Trevino on every take...And they got progressively dirtier to the point that she finally felt like she crossed a line and profusely apologized. Also the lick was a Lily addition.

Max's confession about killing the drifter:

Kind of an interesting thing, comparing the first version of the drifter story in 1x06 to the 2x06 version. 1x06 was more dramatic, but 2x06 was more personal, I think.

1x06

"There are moments that define our lives, and there are moments that divide our lives. Incidents that separate us into two different people: who we were before and who we will be after. Forever…One day we were children and the next we were something else. I was a killer. Michael an accomplice. And Isobel...Isobel was broken."

2x06

"I killed a man once, on a camping trip. This drifter came out of nowhere, attacked Isobel. I wasn't even thinking. I killed him. With this. I arrest people who kill people. Most of them usually regret what they did. You know, you can just tell that they're forever broken. It's like a piece of them dies with their victims. So when I could feel that darkness, like I had to kill, I wanted Isobel to let me die. Because I couldn't risk hurting even one innocent person. Cause life just wouldn't be worth living."

Kind of an interesting narrative choice to confess to murder on a first date and then have the girl just brush it aside.

"No, it just hit me why you're so happy and idealistic, and I feel like an idiot. You are that way because you don't remember me. It's a clean slate. It's like when you got out of the pods with whatever memories you had erased it's probably for your own good."

"Last I heard you were the love of my life."

"Your cohorts, they left out some details. Cause if you had your memories I'm positive the worst thing that's ever happened to you is connected to me. And I can't bear the weight of making you remember that again."

**Note, second time this has been implied. Last time was by Michael in 1x08 regarding the alien symbol.

"...it's gotta have some connection to us right? Maybe it was something we saw somewhere before the crash."

"Sorry, are you, Max Evans, acknowledging that we must have had lives before we hatched out of the pods? You never want to talk about home."

"Hey, Roswell is home. Look, I'm sorry man. You're right. I've spent a lot of time not talking about where we come from or why we're here. Keep thinking I can pretend the past away and just be normal. But if Isobel's blackouts are some alien thing, then I need to know more. Okay, and this symbol? That's all I have to go on. I mean don't you think it's strange that we don't have any memories? I mean, no parents, no language. We weren't infants, man. We were seven."

"I just figured our memory faded. Over 50 years in those pods. Maybe it was just time. Or maybe whoever put us in those pods doesn't want us to remember."

Travis and Trevor's house...with added bonus of his ring that Alex comments on.

Leather ribbons/strips on the wall are for (from?) Hayley and Gertrude. More cows, I presume.

There's also a framed Purple Heart on the wall next to a photo of Travis?

"War really messes with a man's mind. Gets it all twisted up.

Timeline issue!! Alex says Mimi was missing for 3 weeks, but according to the clearly established timelines in 201-203 it was 4 weeks (or a month ish). I wrote about this here:

Maria put her jacket on a scarecrow to trick Travis. And did she leave it there?

(Answer: yes. She doesn't wear it for the rest of the episode. Smart of her, actually).

Michael sees Trevor come out of the house and is about to shoot him. Maria immediate knew it wasn't Travis and threw herself in front of Michael's gun

Trevor shoots Travis.

A bullet from the Crashdown shooting falls out of Max's journal. Does it look like it has blood on it? Or maybe just ketchup? If it's THE bullet it would make a lot of sense that he kept it hidden - evidence that Liz was shot. See this comparison between one of Wyatt's bullets in 1x02 and the one Max finds in 2x06

"Sorry about my twin here. He's had a rough go."

"Combat does not make you an axe murderer."

"No, it wasn't the combat. It was the R&D. If a paramilitary group ever asks you to take part in a study, you run the other way. He showed up a few weeks ago. Locked me up out back. Lucky y'all showed up when you did. Gave me a chance to escape."

R&D is a military acronym for Research and Development. (Aka...The Science.)

Priscilla - the cow Mimi's boots were made from.

This is literally the only direct information gained about the boots from this little sleuthing excursion.

Well, and that Mimi paid cash, which isn't like her.

Side note - I didn't really know what Paramilitary meant, so just in case any of you are also not good with military stuff, Paramilitary groups are like private armies. Like, I dunno, the private security firm that Jesse and Cam discussed in episode 2x04. 👀

Male doctor operating on Steph clearly states:

"All right we're approaching an arterial junction."

A female doctor replies and its less clear. What I hear is...Blood gasses are back? Anyone else hear something that makes more sense than that?

He replied something like...the stint through here

She says something about pH levels.

Max admits that he didn't know what would happen when he decided to bring Rosa back. He just wanted to fix the worst thing that ever happened to all of them.

"I can't believe we were Shyamalan'd by an evil twin."

I think Alex is referring to the twist ending? Or maybe just the insane axe murderer stuff.

M. Night Shyamalan wrote and directed the Sixth Sense, Signs, Split, etc…

During this scene is the first time we see Michael's tattoo… it's on his arm. I struggled with getting a cap of it, but I know there are gifs going around.

I had every intention of detailing the dialogue in the trailer scene, but before I could get to it, Carina posted the script, so I didn't think it was a good use of my time. Here's the script:

The next morning, Alex calls the Sheriff from outside the trailer for an update.

The Sheriff tells him that Travis and Trevor burned their home and ran...weren't caught by the sheriff. Which means we may not have seen the last of them.

The Spanish:

"Oh my God. Dios mio, Max. I took off your pants before I even said I love you. I'm some kind of zorra."

Dios mio basically is Oh My God! So Liz really was spiraling. She went, "Oh my God, Oh my God..."

Zorra - female version of Zorro. Basically a vixen, bitch, prostitute… the internet has all sorts of fun words that it translates into.

"I call this one Visceral Werewolf Part 2, dedicated to my boy Chee Chee, may he rest in peace."

Can we have more Bert? Bert is the best. Also kudos to his goofy friend who is wayyy too excited about this.

Forrest's slam poem:

Locked up for days,

Time slipping away,

On my knees I would pray to break free from this cage.

But bargaining for keys, you forget hidden fees.

And wishing for what you’re missing ain’t the same as living the dream.

And now I’m fighting to stay on this side of the cage.

Even though I know a part of me wishes I’d stayed.

Ain’t no prophet or rebel or savior or devil

Could have predicted, fought, cheated or leveled.

A life with potential that’s squandered,

A comfortable cell is a question I ponder.

Am I a free man or a prisoner wanderer?

Max's memory flash:

Young Max, chained to the ground as described in 2x03.

Max looks scared.

He's dressed all in white like the 1947 aliens after the crash (As shown in 1x12 and 2x03).

He's in a cave or something like a cave.

Holes in the wall are glowing an orangey red color.

The ceiling is like the alien ship material with the alien symbol in it.

A figure approaches from behind him, bends down, and places a hand on his shoulder.

It mirrors the figure approaching Nora in 2x03 and touching her shoulder before burning the military men...probably the same person? Noah? The stowaway? Someone new?

After the figure touches Max, he looks at the hand, and then a red glow lights his face.

MUSIC:

1. Xocoyotzin Herrera "Esperanza"

2. Jose Luis Lepe "La Carreta"

3. Eagle Eye Cherry "Save Tonight"

4. Lousiana Red "I Done Woke Up"

5. Whissell "Magnetic"

6. Stop Dead "Alchemistress Dance"

7. Orville Peck "Turn To Hate"

8. Kim Petras "Close Your Eyes"

9. Orville Peck "Queen Of The Rodeo"

10. Moontricks "The Fall"

11. Years & Years "Hypnotised"

12. Jordan Critz Feat. Birdtalker "Through Your Eyes"

This time I couldn't find the Whissell and Stop Dead tracks on spotify - however the Stop Dead track is referenced at being by Chelsea Dawn in the closed captions. Which I did find. Trying to confirm this. Let me know if anyone else had better luck!

#roswell new mexico #rnm season 2 #rnm spoilers #rnm 206 #sex and candy #episode details #long post

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omegangrins · 4 years

Text

A Treatise On the Doctor

I don't know how to start this. Because I think of Peter Capaldi's words when he said that the only thing required to be a Doctor Who fan, is kindness.

I like 13 and think Chibnall is doing his best job writing the show.

So I struggle to write this because I am engaging against that very unkindness in the Doctor Who fandom, and trying very hard not to be angry back. "Allways try to be nice but never fail to be kind." But I've begun to wonder more and more if those who speak so loudly against the show really know what the show itself is about.

Enough of talking about other people though, cause frankly they're only important as set-up for this conversation. And again, I'm working kind.

So here's what you're gonna learn from this lifelong fan (and the best Tl;dr you're gonna get):

1. The Doctor sucks. From the very beginning. People complain about character traits now that have been around as long as the show.

2. Due to the Doctor's suckage, they tend to do more harm than good. (And because of this, most of the Doctor's "friends" along the way have been, well, let's leave it at the air quotes for now cause it's a damn big list of "BOOOO!!!".)

3. All of the showrunners and writers and actors and editors and everyone else has allways knows this and has played it this way.

4. And last but not least, since this is a time travel show. If you wanna know what and why stuff is happening now, look it up. Everything that happened before is allways in play.

5. None of this is bad, and in fact, it makes the show morally grayer. It's about kindness at all costs. Even your own.

A. First things first, the hard thing. The Doctor is not grrrreat. I mean, sure they try, but they fail a lot more often. In Extremis, a majority of those fatality index counts come from people the Doctor failed to save. That's why it's worded so specifically as "cause of death". All the death's caused by the Doctor's very interaction with time and lack of saving those around them. And part of it's not their fault, but more often than not, the Doctor says I can save you, and can't, won't, or chooses not to.

And that would be alright, but it took them over 1000 years to realize they should start letting their companions lead lives outside of theirs so THEY DON'T DIE. A bit too long as someone who claims to be better.

Not to mention how many times the Doctor is dismissive of their companions and the people around them only to use them for their help and just bug off again. If they truly cared and wanted to help, they would stay and listen in between adventures. Their lifespan is near infinite anyway. What's a few extra Earth hours with some friends you made along the way. You know, maybe fix some of the psychological and emotional damage created by encountering things behind a human's original scope of reasoning. But nope, we gotta go adventure more, byyyyeee!!

So when people talk about these qualities in 13 in a negative aspect I have to laugh because I'm not sure if they understand the joke. Cause we're talking about an alien that grew up around a species calling themselves Time Lords. I try not to blame them too much for it. 1 had to learn how to be hospitable to humans and it's been a bit of a slow learning curve ever since.

B. After the Doctor survived the horrors of the Time War and happened upon a human companion they felt worth connecting to, what did they do? They took Rose to watch her planet burn in front of her eyes. Great, first date, amirite?

And that's a little bit of companion damage. Do you know that the Doctor is responsible for the almost complete genocide of the Silurian race across multiple occasions. I am legitimately surprised there are any left after all of the ones the Doctor has killed. Like before, they cause destruction either purposefully or accidentally or simply by force of being there.

Remember before how I said that the Doctor just flies away. Yeah, they leave a lot of problems behind when they do (something that I can see Chibnall is planting the seeds of). If you had a time and space machine and practically unlimited capabilities and you choose to just leave after a situation and not check up on them from time to or see if there are any other underlying crises to be solved. But oh no, "gotta follow that rule of time and keep going even though I stopped in the first place because of how interested I was.". This is why 9 has a great arc about this. He thought he killed all the Daleks. They came back. He thought he'd gotten rid of the Slitheen. They came back. He thought he saved Satellite 5 from aliens. But opsies, they came back. And look! They're Daleks. Which he "finally" got rid of.

The Doctor just bounces around all carefree and without an ounce of care for themselves, their companions or consequences unless there's consequences for themselves or their companions. Then they get indignant.

Is that really kind of the person you want flying around fixing things in time and space? Who knows. But at least they are trying. Most of the time the T.A.R.D.I.S. lands somewhere and the authority figures are the most pretentious bull-headed pigs you can find. To me, I laugh cause it seems like both sides end up getting a taste of their own medicine. Usually with the bull charging to death in a sad glory while the Doctor wiles on metaphorically about not being as good as them.

But again, as a "superior" alien with "advanced" technology and "culture" you'd think they'd just know better already. But that's all part of the character. The Doctor may be in flux, but true change is difficult. The real hero of every story is the other people BESIDES the Doctor.

Cause the title is Doctor *Who* . The Who being half of the title, despite having less letters. It's the constant question of "What and why and who is that crazy person that's trying to help?" Why do you think they keep flying back to Earth? (Besides set construction reasons.) They've grown as attached to us as we have to them. And at this point, a lot of their saving us is guilt and embarrassment at having a hand in our timeline.

This is also the same reason the Doctor dumps companions in a fluff. Baggage. Every time a companion gets too heavy to carry the memories of... off they fly.

Except for 13. She's stayed. To this end, we can see how the Doctor changes. Not on our smaller, human timelines, but on the timeline of a god with way too much power.

D. With that in mind, we go Classic. It's the Who you need to consult if you wish to make any critique on what's happening now. Because how can you know how a part operates inside of a whole without seeing the whole part?

Cause I don't know if you've watched it but it can be rough, and I don't mean in the sense of production value (which admittedly they do a fairly decent job of using what money they had. A problem the BBC plagues to Doctor Who to this day.). The 3rd Doctor shits on every one they call friends constantly and then turns around expecting help. 4 did the same. Then 5 masked that contempt with a plucky face and a cheeky word. But it was still there, bubbling out of 6 and 7 as the inability to suffer fools gladly and using their own righteousness to enact change in their companions. A trait that kept going til an entire war and regeneration was used solving the question of "Doctor Who?" Only for them to try and forget twice more by putting on their pretty grinning faces and running away from it.

And I'm only talking from a companion perspective. Each of the Doctors has enacted their own form of genocide on countless species. Sure, it's to "save humans" but at the end of the day you'd have to ask yourself if we're really worth that blood. And this is all in the Doctor's history. As much as they claim better, they're hands are still gushing red.

The Doctor left Jo because she fell in love. They drove Adric to put their life on the line in order to feel adequate. The entirety of the Silurian race has been wiped out fivefold under their watch, with one time by their hand itself. Same for several other singular and unique species you won't be able to find elsewhere in the universe. 7 used time travel to enact a personality change in Ace while simultaneously using her as a pawn in an interdimensional war. The Time War itself. Sure it got erased but the Doctor still did those things ("War" Doctor or whatever nonsense titles they feel necessary to delude themselves). The entirety of Amy's childhood was destroyed by their presence, and Rory got erased. Twice! Sarah Kingdom. We know the list. Hell, the Doctor whisked Barbara and Ian away because they wanted to teach the snobby humans some lessons.

They may have a time machine, but we have the bill of their actions. This is where 13 excels. Because they're trying to be better than themselves. They've learnt the lessons of all those years traveling and the failures they wish they could reverse but don't as a way of keeping a scoreboard of pain. It's not perfect by any means, but look at 12 needing cue cards to understand and react to human grief under duress. They've come a helluva long way. After 50 years, I'm inclined to believe better. After all, it's what the Doctor would want.

E. You know how people like the ASOIAF series because it offers up morally complex characters existing in a morally complex world where black and white are harder to define than grey? Have you ever thought of Doctor Who as the same? Strip past the fairytale and adventure and "wibbly wobbly timey wimeyness and it's just people reacting to situations. We're just harder on the Doctor because they're hard on us. You could go round and round on who's the bigger killer, but at the end of the day Time Lords and humans fight and feel about the same things. It's allways been a joke to pretend otherwise.

That's why I love the Timeless Child. Not for making the Doctor anymore special but for saying that even despite having all of their specialness ripped away and repurposed to create a lie of a society then having the memory wiped of said event, the Doctor broke out of their mold, stole a TARDIS and told the Time Lords to fuck off. That's not a Captain America/Superman hero. That's Batman in space with a society of Lex Luthor's. Gotham and Gallifrey. The Doctor saw what they were a part of and broke free, without even knowing the more horrifying truth. Cause it's the thing I see many fans missing because they're so preocuppied with the Doctor being special. The thing that made the Doctor different was their ability to know the difference and walk away to find better. Now, the Doctor has a reason to go back and find out why they never stopped running.

The Time Lords might be the greatest monsters in the universe. It is in the name. "Lords". Those who would lord over us and impose their will with a banthium fist.

And this is a children's show.

C the thing is, the people who made and make this show all collectively rail against one thing: Hate. Kindness is the way of Doctor's. Even if they're sawing off your leg, it's to do the kindness of saving your life. This is because the people who make this (United Kingdomers) have seen centuries of war and conflict and oppression enacted by their own country in the name of progress. And they want to see it no more. Look no further than any of the Doctor's adventures with UNIT. Allways advocating for peace and being ignored for the comfortable war-cry. It's why it's hard to blame the Doctor when we do very similar and often worse (though we don't have time travel.... yet). The creators of this show know better, see better, and wrote better, to know that the powers that be nipped would nip their creations and sanitize them. So they wrote their messages so strong that you can feel them from the future. They're powerfull enough that even across eras they have all collectively moved me to write this.

That's another point I have to laugh at people saying Doctor Who has never been in your face about progressive politics. The Green Death. Survival. Trial of a Timelord (Yes, all of it. Sit down and power through.) The Happiness Patrol is one of my all time favorite episodes for going there in this regard. People may poo poo but history has its' eyes on you. Doctor Who loves taking potshots at the issues of the day. As long as you don't make the aliens black of course. Make them all the colors of the rainbow but never make them black. That'd be too on the nose (That's something they used to say back in the day! Crazy how far we've come).

So bravoa to Chibnall for continuing the legacy of Doctor Who. From where I'm standing, he's not doing anything different than any other showrunner before him. Cause if you want to argue canon, you at least have to know what created it. This show owes what it is to those Classic eras. And if you think Chibnall is shitting on those years and your childhood.... well, then why did you read this whole thing?

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paralumanleadmehome · 4 years

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Worthless Necessity by Kirite_Ryujin (a fanfic review)

Hello once again and this is my 3rd fic review. Interestingly enough, I'm seeing a trend in the reviews I've been making so far, and that they mostly have their own tags. Abused Midoriya for Bough Breaks, Selective Mute Midoriya for Canary, and Vigilante Midoriya for this one - not that these tags are their main tags but you get it, I hope.

Okay. Let's do this.

I'm not entirely sure when I started reading Worthless Necessity or if I found it via Vigilante!Midoriya tags or Parental Nezu tags but either way, I definitely love this one.

For starters, I'm a complete sucker for anything that gives us a not-so-sunshine Midoriya because as much as this cinnamon roll lights up every room he enters, the fact that he hurts makes him more human and therefore more relatable.

But before that, here's the story's summary:

Quirks aren't everything in this world, nor is your family status.

Animals are treated less than humans, even though they have the capacity to feel emotions and think for themselves. They're pushed away, merely because they're not human. Nezu? Heck, he's so smart, everyone's scared of what would happen if they got on his bad side. Half the society, at the very least, still think that he's just an animal.

Midoriya? No quirk, he's ranked even lower, less than human. At least Nezu still had a quirk.

At least, that's what they thought.

Warning: This fic contains depression, suicide, self harm, etc.

And in my own words:

In a world where quirks mattered, to be quirkless was the same as being one man against a hundred - to be the minority in the vast majority - and it is no surprise that very few even make it out alive.

Midoriya Izuku barely makes it to the few that lives - only to find out that he has a quirk that doesn't allow him to die. But what does that make him then?

What I like about this story is the complexity of Midoriya's views about humans and quirks, all stemming from his past. Orphaned, mocked, and abused, Midoriya has seen the worst sides of humanity and has proceeded to remove himself from it despite working in it as a vigilante. I call him complex because of the heavy burdens and baggages that he carries and I love how the author does a wonderful job in weaving a world that sadly shows the broken and twisted reality that made Midoriya the way he is. He is an angry, hurt, and broken soul yet he loves fiercely and loyally. He has such a strong sense of justice and heroism that no matter how much he hates humans, he admits to himself that not everyone is as bad it seems - but this is also where it gets tricky.

Midoriya knows deep down that not everyone is out to get him. He admits this himself in a later chapter where he reasons that his vigilantism is due to the fact that not all humans are bad apples - yet at the same time he is so far lost in pain and fear that he believes that even if not everyone is out to get him, no one he meets is okay enough a person to not hurt him. And as much as it pains me, I also love that this shows just how much he distrusts the society he moves in. This is also proof that he has so little self-preservation and care (if any, even) that he believes that the people he meets would only want something from him and that sooner or later, whatever he builds will come crashing down, and that to keep up relationships is nothing but a drag.

Honestly, I think it's a little heavy, but for someone like me who's been dealing with suicidal friends as early as 13 (I'm in my mid-twenties now so) it's also something I can easily manage, to the point that the heavy parts are something I can claim as angst. However, for those of you who want to read it, please make notice of the tags and trigger warnings. No matter how good a story, protect yourself, too.

So yeah. I also like the fact that weird as he might be, people are still out there somewhere who are willing to help him and my heart goes out to all those people. The UA teachers and a few bits of 1-A, it just helps me remember that no matter how messed up life can be, there will always always be people who are willing to lend a hand. It won't be easy to see them. Heck. Maybe they'd come five years later into the picture. But if there's anything that gives me hope in this story, it's that if you fight long and hard enough, you will be found. But it's a journey.

Personally, I'd like to make this longer but my head's been swimming in a lot of things so I think I'd be ending this here.

However, if the author is reading this, just know that I love love love so much the USJ chapter because gosh darnit my heart goes out so much to Midoriya and everything that he has done there and ajdjabflafkf all the other kids, too??? They've lived up to everything they've learned??? I can't even sldbdbdbsjadh I'm so happy for them. It's honestly my fave chapter so far. Either that or the Sports Festival. Close gaps.

I'd try to make a proper review if I can sometime in the future.

Here is the link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20279443?view_full_work=true

#bnha fic review #fic review

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