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deepmochi · 1 year

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Hi can you do Lilith in 12th house ?

Hello

˚₊· Lilith in the 12th house ˚₊·

Note: this Lilith is not like the others; here things are hidden, and sometimes the native doesn't even notice. It took time for them. [These images aren't mine.]

˚₊· This Lilith can be so hard to read that others just categorize them as "crazy" or "weird ones".

˚₊· They are considered mystic with a detriment. Usually, they have strong reactions due to emotions. Emotions like anger come from emotional repression.

˚₊· Their beauty is scary to others but also desire to others who are already committed.

˚₊· They may spend too much time alone or in their heads. They may have an internal monologue type of thought.

˚₊· They are the "other woman" especially aspects of Venus (all aspects). The reason is that men or women see them as an escape from their problems.

˚₊· They are intangible to society and sometimes even non-productive. This is a capitalist view.

˚₊· These natives can have mental issues, the most common one is anxiety or insomnia.

˚₊· I have mentioned this, but at some point, they were perceived strongly as the "odd" ones; they could have been victims of bullying. Then, gain a certain level of popularity for their looks and "funny" self. After that, they are scared to show their real self.

˚₊· They tend to absorb emotions or energies; be careful of your friends and environment.

˚₊· They know and see things others call illogical or unreal.

˚₊· Pisces rules the 12th house, so it's not a surprise the native is aware of spirits and supernatural things/creatures.

˚₊· They can be delusional about people like their crushes or romantic partner, especially with Venus aspects.

˚₊· They have a natural gift for mystical things, but they also know their risks. So, they avoid them.

˚₊· Mental institution is prominent, again, they probably visit them at least one time or respect them a lot.

˚₊· These natives look naive or dissociated from reality.

˚₊· People get triggered by their innocent and call them delusional or dumb. They are sub-estimated a lot by colleagues and others in general.

˚₊· Men can see them as prey or something to corrupt; little they know. If the native know their innocent privilege, they can use it to their advantage.

˚₊· Lilith is really good at manipulating your deep emotions and pretending she didn't know what she was doing.

˚₊· They were called to be normal or more social in their childhood. In adulthood; now, they can mask themselves in social settings.

˚₊· People want to see their bodies; this Lilith may not be as provocative, wear provocative clothes, or have prominent physical appearances like the 1st house and 8th house natives, yet they are perceived as undiscovered. People want to see the uncovered "naked ".

˚₊· Continuing with the undiscovered body, the native may avoid bikini pictures or limit their social media. People have voyeuristic tendencies toward them.

˚₊· Some may think of them as a nymph; they have this innocent not in a Hollywood-twisted way. Deep down, some natives don't know the world's real face; others know and try to ignore it.

˚₊· They get hurt when people betray them; this is when Lilith gets mad and starts destroying things.

˚₊· Depending on the sign of Lilith, the native's way of self-destruction is when they ignore the red flags.

˚₊· This Lilith is the most shocking one; the native needs to take time and compassion to see who they truly are.

˚₊· They may isolate, but Isolation is okay to some extent. As a social being, you need to go out. You are worthy of friends and social experiences!

˚₊· They need to recharge energy very often, especially if they work with many people.

˚₊· You think, talk, and act differently than others. You are just different. It's okay to admit that. Stop comparing yourself to others.

˚₊· Your shadow is behind you waiting to be asked for a cup of tea. Don't be scared, she feels isolated, too. Go and befriend her, and gain a new friend.

˚₊· The unknown part of Lilith can save her and destroy her. She has the power, but it's hiding it behind the veil.

˚₊· People want a piece of them without remorse, but little do they know that karma always comes right away.

˚₊· You are a ending; for good or bad you know when to end things. If you don't know when to end something, escapism appears.

˚₊· This Lilith is very healing, but without boundaries, they become very toxic to themselves. In extremes, she enjoys self-pity and denies her mistakes.

˚₊· Their seductive style comes from healing and wisdom. People come to you for an out-of-this-world relationship. With them, others feel like they transcend. Trantic sex kinda thing.

˚₊· As you get older, your Lilith becomes erratic or healed. The result depends on how much you have restricted yourself. So, just balance out your quirks and society's standards. Society doesn't define you.

˚₊· Other people but especially women think this native hides something?! she cannot be real? they say. It's true, though, she hides her real essence because others call her crazy. In other words, this native is hiding something that she doesn't even know.

˚₊· Men can see them as "not like other girls" or "too real to be true". Women may think they try too hard. In reality, this native searches for different hobbies or experiences without trying to be perceived as "special". They just feel odd.

˚₊· Their too-nice or too-good actions are perceived as "weird", but they are being a decent human.

˚₊· They use escapism in different ways, not all natives use drugs or alcohol. Your sign will tell your coping mechanism.

˚₊· They have their standards for spirituality even if they believe in a specific religion.

˚₊· In order to find balance, the native should walk to the unknown without judgment. Forgiving the part that she rejects without knowing (consciously). Allowing all the parts to be her.

˚₊· Also, if you have this placement, you may feel connected to some characters like Wanda, luna Lovegood or Heleana. Any character that doesn't fit the standard or is misunderstood. It's like you see through their issues.

Just take what resonates with you. Take care <3

credits to: @deepmochi

#lilith in the 12th house #12th house #astrology #astrologynotes #deepmochi #astrology community #astro notes #lilith #lilith astrology #Pisces #lilith in pisces #astrology notes #2023 #art #spirituality

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thisisthinprivilege · 10 months

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i don't understand how people can deny thin privilege and fatphobia when so many people suffer with restrictive-type eating disorders. comments about weight and fatshaming started being aimed at me was i was just 9 years old, and a lot of people i know with eating disorders have gone through the same thing. you can't tell me fatphobia is fake when it gave me anorexia.

We are still in the dark ages of medical science. We still have a very foggy understanding of how social conditions impact general health. Health outcomes, when not genetic or directly attributed to some impactful thing from your environment, are treated as something that patients can at least partially control. Childhood EDs are mostly blamed on things like parenting, perfectionist behaviors or other aspects of a child's personality, peer pressure, and social media.

It's understandable to some extent because what can doctors prescribe to "fix" a toxic culture? Yet, they can say, "Fix these behaviors, change schools, take away phones, lock the fridge, take parenting classes" or whatever, and people come away thinking the doctor actually did something useful for them when it's the toxic culture and it's not going to go away.

If you hide the kid away from aspects of the toxic fat-hating culture, then they'll just be exposed later as an adolescent, or at college, or in young adulthood. Thin privilege and fat hatred permeate all aspects of life, and it's only getting worse with the moral panic over fatness in children. Health classes are filled with diet culture and fatphobia, which gives ammo to kids who are flexing their thin privilege and want to gain more social status by bullying fatter kids.

What kids need is some exposure to fat liberation and acceptance, but good luck combatting the pearl-clutchers of the moral panic, who have positions of power in public health departments at the local and federal level. We can't even have a cold-virus pandemic without pearl-clutching over fat people.

-ATL

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iplaywithstring · 1 year

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In 2020 my daughter (then 13) told me she had been looking at some stuff and she thought she might have ADHD. I had not considered this possibility before she brought it up, but with about 5 minutes of reflection, it made sense. We were already running on the assumption that my husband (her dad) has ADHD and our home had a lot of adhd-friendly ways of doing life and honestly some signs (time blindness, fidgeting, hobby-hopping, distraction) were overlooked.

Being that it was 2020, everything was slowed down and backed up, but being people with privilege, we were able to pay for a private psychologist to do a full assessment. It took about 3 months and ended up with a generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis and an evaluation that boiled down to "she probably has ADHD but she does really well in school so deal with the anxiety first and see if that fixes things". Took that to our GP, who basically said "I don't know what to do with this" and prescribed Prozac, which increased her anxiety so we stopped it and asked for a referral to a psychiatrist.

It took almost 18 months to get the appointment - meanwhile she had no supports, no treatment, and no follow up from her GP. At that appointment, the Dr revised her diagnosis - she absolutely has ADHD, but she's good at school, so no need to treat it. However, because she didn't respond well to the prozac and she "gets really sad sometimes" (that was actually the question he asked, no probing, or clarifying, just "do you feel really sad sometimes", to a 15 year old!), prescribed a mood stabilizer because she might have a mood disorder (bi-polar disorder). My husband (who was there for the appointment - I wasn't able to go) was so shocked and confused he just said thank you and left.

We did not fill the prescription for the mood stabilizer. No issues with taking medication when needed, but she showed no signs of excessive mood swings - she had also just had her first break up a couple weeks before the appointment. While waiting for the follow up (where I planned to advocate for treatment for the actual thing he said she had, not the theoretical maybe thing she might struggle with) I saw ads for a private clinic specifically for ADHD diagnosis and treatment. I was nervous - I've got medical trauma (it comes with chronic illness) and did not want to be seen as shopping around for pills for my kid, or ignoring medical advice, or any of the other things that would make getting her treatment more difficult.

So my husband went first - made an appointment, filled out the forms, got a diagnosis and treatment plan. It was so easy and affirming and validating for him, and since starting the treatment he's been so relaxed! He might also be able to stop his anxiety meds (he also has a GAD diagnosis, which might be wrong based on how inattentive type ADHD works).

My daughter had her first appointment this week, it felt so good. She was heard and understood. Her experience and struggles weren't overlooked. She was validated. The NP doing the appointment even mentioned how it's harder for intelligent kids to get diagnosed because they are able to mask so well and too many people just look at school performance. She has a follow up next week to go over a treatment plan. The NP even said she would look at medications not in pill form as my daughter has issues swallowing pills.

I can't express how excited I am. She's 16 now, in grade 11, and things have been so much harder on her in the last year. I'm hopeful that between the treatment plan and coaching, the transition to university will be gentle and she won't face the same breakdown so many people (especially women) with ADHD go through in early adulthood. I'm hopeful this will help her to see her strengths and to not feel so overwhelmed and broken most of the time.

It took far too long and was much more difficult (and expensive!!!!) than it should have been to get to this point, but I am so glad we have a plan now and that she feels good about it!

#this is my life #adhd #parenting

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one-abuse-survivor · 3 months

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Hello. Al anon here. I am sincerely sorry by the ammount of asks that I do.

I wish that I wouldn't have the reason to write this for longer than a few days after my second ask.

This is mostly a rant. There are mentions of threats so if you need or don't want to read about those feel free to discard this post.

I have said before that I haven't gotten into the verbal and emotional abuse my parents do. Since my first ask I could see bmuch better and recognize the things that they are doing and it is really bad.

My mother doesn't even flinch on name calling me. She called me scrungy when I told her I want to save up money and didn't hesitate to call me slurs. From cow to bitch, calling me lazy or selfish when I don't do what she want to. The worst part is that she is doing this even in front of strangers. When my brother brought her girlfriend they teamed up on me and then joked about how I was leaving the room so soon.

Also for some reason she feels like yelling at me (Because she can since she is my parent) and have toxic remarks. (Like the fact she said to me yesterday after I said that I will study that maybe if I closed the game that I would actually do something, which given I am at the moment sick and was dealing with mental breakdown just put salt into the injury) She loves to say that I am the whole reason why my adulthood is so hard despite the fact that most o the time I have to stop what I am doing to deal with the stuff that she has done to me, said to me or didn't do and yet this is what she frames as her love, as her caring for me. That "If she didn't love me, she wouldn't insult me and would not care about me at all"

And even that is very hardly true. She takes caring of my basic cares like... giving me food or fixing my winter jacket as privileges. I am privileged to have parents who provide food and clothes for their child and that I am disrespectful because I have stopped taking her "jokes" (Insults aimed at me or hidden threats of taking stuff from me such as phone) and stopped reacting to them. She yelled at me and said I am spoiled and that I have so many privileges. (As mentioned before basically the basic needs a parent should provide)

Sometimes she does even lie. Like saying that I have the freedom to say my opinion, despite the fact that when I just voiced I would need to get shoes after I have seen that the spending habits have changes she went on complete tantrum yelling at me, make fun of me saying I will learn one day how to ride a car and then accusing me of not talking about them with this issue, which I literally did before she threw the tantrum....

I also know this is intentional because every time she does something like that I can be sure she will be love bombing me for couple hours. She never apologises, she explains her behavior or puts the blame on me. (In better case) in other case she doesn't even acknowledge the situation. It is really apparent that she is trying to hold her control over me. Especially because now she is aiming at my phone and my social media, where most of my friends are who emotionally suport me in this situation.

The worst part is, that now that I know this is abuse and I am no longer taking the abuse or trying to engage, because mental health is already damaged and I don't want to continue this, my mother have gotten worse and worse. Now it is slowly moving to threats. That "she will tear my head off" if I won't talk to her or if "I want her and my father to stop the privileges that we are giving to you"(Which you can read as do you want us to pull away even the basic care we give you) and I will be honest. I am starting to get afraid how far they will go, especially because the threats are starting to get common and I haven't even done anything to them. I was just silent and I tried my best to not react to them and the feeling of not feeling safe in the household that I am in is rising and it is so hard to even think where it could go on from the threats.

Hey again! There's nothing to apologise for regarding the amount of asks, but I'm also sorry that you're in a situation where you need to reach out so often.

Gosh, I'm sorry things have escalated so much. You've had to endure so much verbal and emotional abuse, as well as horrifying threats and insults. No one deserves to be treated like this. No one deserves to be this scared for their safety.

I'm glad you can recognise that all of this is abuse, and that your struggles are a consequence of you being traumatised, and not proof that you're worthless like they're trying to make you believe. I hope you're proud of yourself for recognising their abuse. It's not an easy thing to do.

I understand how helpless it feels to not know how to react to abuse, because even showing no reaction at all is taken as the "incorrect reaction" and met with even more abuse. The unsafety that comes from knowing there's literally nothing you can do to placate them when they're abusing you is extremely traumatic, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I'm so sorry they're putting you through this 😞

I hope things haven't escalated more since you sent this :( sending a big big virtual hug your way ❤️

#Ask #Al anon #Vent #Threats tw #Threat tw #Verbal abuse tw #Emotional abuse tw #Insults tw #Love bombing tw #Victim blaming tw #Death threat tw

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phlve · 1 year

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Subtype Trait Structures: sp2

Dependent

Of the three subtypes, this is the most dependent, although he shows a self-sufficient and independent facade. He distances himself from his family with the idea that distance will diminish his dependence, but it does not, because he compulsively establishes dependent relationships to ensure his protection and survival. He is chameleonic and his great intuitive capacity allows him to captivate others.

He seeks to relate to people with a strong character to compensate his insecurity, but with this he "loses" his freedom, sticking to the role of being loved for being cheerful.

He projects aggression because he does not contact with courage, which would allow him to set limits, since he lives wanting to please everyone.

Shy

It is a very noticeable trait in this childish character. Shyness is related to the fear of exposing oneself if there is no certainty of recognition.

The passion of privilege hides a search for confirmation and a deep lack of self-esteem. Since this character does not want to acknowledge that he has limits and also does not contact this low self-esteem, he hides if he is not sure he will succeed. He prefers to hide behind "I don't know", "I don't want to" or "I can't", in a childish way, rather than not admit that he does not feel he does not measure up. He also plays shyness and shame as a childish charm of a seductive nature, with which he avoids confrontation.

Victim

He tends to project blame, as seduction tries to make you see only what others want to see. The crazy idea behind it is that "to be accepted you have to hide the bad". He blames the world for his difficulties and problems, otherwise he would have to take responsibility for his actions and change. It is easy for him to act as a victim when he does not feel understood or appreciated, although most of the time he prefers to close the chapter and leave the relationship.

Idealizer

When you are a child and depend on adults in every way, you idealize them by seeing them as great, decisive, capable, protective, independent and determined. If those adults around him do not give him time to digest what is happening to him and thus make his own decisions, the E2 conservation learns to leave them in the hands of the elders.

The conflict is that he arrives at maturity with an idealized image of what it is to be an adult, assuming that upon reaching adulthood, getting married, having children or starting to work, the characteristics of an adult will magically and automatically emerge in him.

Compares

This type of E2 has an inordinately high criterion of competence, that is to say, a perfectionist and obsessive ideal self, which is what makes him so motor. This stems from a feeling of inferiority for not feeling loved and, on the contrary, abandonable. The difference with E4 is that he uses pride to get love and not to be abandoned. The conflict is that he lives comparing himself, disadvantageously and advantageously, with everyone. This fosters a disdainful attitude (raised nose), like royalty looking down on others.

Necessity

The underlying theme of the E2 conservation is that he doesn't feel valuable enough or worthy of being loved. So he does things for others, seeking to be needed, because he assumes he won't be abandoned and the other will return protection. He doesn't realize that he ends up getting overwhelmed and angry when he is asked for something. And, as he doesn't know how to set limits, he does it with attitudes of rejection and annoyance, looking more like a tantrum child.

Fantasizer

Many conservation Twos read avidly since they were children, seeking to feed their emotions. Claudio defines them in his workshops as constrained adventurers, that is, they long to feel free and to travel and to be able to do and undo and, failing that, they read. Above all, they read novels that allow them to break taboos, which they assume "bind" them. They feel that their reality is too narrow, and in fantasy they achieve things they would not otherwise achieve.

Tomboys

Physically they tend to be swallowing girls, reflecting less age than they are. Women wear little or no makeup and relate better to men than to women, behaving asexually with them.

Condescending

As the Two conservation believes that he is only loved when he is nice and good, he tends to be condescending (he says yes to everything), without stopping to think about whether he wants it or not. This leads him to accept commitments that later weigh him down and he reluctantly fulfills or abandons without warning.

In condescension there is a disdainful tinge towards others, a look that considers them inferior beings in need of support and affection. Sometimes, it is mixed with humor producing mockery, sarcasm or cynicism.

Hypersensitive to Criticism

Difficulty in making self-criticism and receiving criticism from those around him triggers the core of devaluation he keeps inside. It manifests itself with irritability, crying and feelings of incomprehension and anger, since it awakens the fear of not being accepted and, therefore, loved.

It is difficult for an E2 conservationist to accept his mistakes. Even if he knows he is incompetent or expresses it: that is far from being able to tolerate having his faults and shortcomings pointed out to him. This is seen in his outbursts and anger, which can end in emotional explosions full of claims to the one who criticizes him.

Envious / Fear of Envy

The E2 conservation seems not to experience envy at first glance, since he compensates for his downward comparisons by showing an attitude of abundance and superiority. Envy, human and inevitable, is hidden as a way of covering up shortcomings and avoiding competitive disadvantage. He can live it secretly, letting out some lapses of indifference and apathy for the people he envies.

The person of this character not only hides envy to himself and others. He is also afraid of being envied, because it remains unprotected. To feel the envy of others is to expose that one is powerful, that one has something that others want. And she fears the aggression of others. Being envied, she could be the object of rejection, criticism and disaffection; so she will flatter and dissimulate to cover up her privileges or most desired qualities, she would even show herself to be anti-pride, in order to be safe and sound.

Tender

The meaning of 'tender' is someone who is affectionate, loving and kind. It generally refers to childhood, to explain a delicate and docile way of being because of one's young age and experience. The E2 conservation is a person who especially highlights these traits, who invites that soft and gentle experience. This characteristic, in which she conducts herself with utmost naturalness, is a way of attracting protection, of being cared for, which guarantees her to remain intact and away from the complications of the rough and tumble of life and relationships.

Possessive

The possessiveness of the E2 conservation arises from the desire to merge with the other, in search of the security that he is always available, to ensure that he does not live the experience of abandonment, or the protection and satisfaction of his basic needs.

Possessiveness also has to do with the difficulty of seeing people as "other", different and independent. For this character, this would be a threatening mirror of his fear of emotional independence. In the end, the other is an object over which to exercise power.

Jealous

Jealousy, typical of emotional characters, is in E2 conservation connected with the neurotic need to be the only one in the place of privilege, in the heart and in the life of the other. They also have their roots in the triangulation experienced as a child, when the father or the mother involved him in their jealous competition against each other.

Arrogant and Egocentric

The proud arrogance of this character manifests itself above all in believing that what he wants or thinks must always be taken into account and confirmed. It is not that he believes he is intellectually right; it is rather the arrogance of one who claims the first place, a capricious haughtiness.

Sadistic

The sadism of E2 conservation seems contradictory to his tenderness and condescension. It is expressed in an evident way when he feels not consented to or betrayed (in the sense of not satisfied in what he wants). If the other is not at his service or attentive to him, he will easily be the object of raw rage and mistreatment reinforced by the intuitive capacity of this character to "catch" the weak side of the other. It is also sadistic in its way of coldly wounding and leaving the other with no possibility of rescue.

Paranoid and Controlling

Paranoia explores in an obsessive and emotionally blind way when the Two conservation projects on the other the manipulative dynamics that he himself practices when he wants to please or conquer the powerful place of privilege. When he feels that someone does not support him unconditionally, or has to confront someone he considers superior for some characteristic, he immediately feels him as a rival, an enemy that can take away his place. There he deploys his aggressive and controlling weapons with the crazy idea of having the right to attack whoever threatens him, even fantasizing plots.

Castrating and Vindictive

If someone disappoints him or feels him in competition, he is very skilled at humiliating and attacking him to the point of making him a harmless rival. This manifests itself especially in couple or sibling relationships, as if he feels entitled to make the other pay the price for being submissive to his orders or whims. But also if he feels offended, criticized or abandoned, taking away the other's power is a way of taking revenge and thus re-establishing his preeminence.

Self-indulgent

As a character based on the idealization of himself, he forgives everything. This forgiveness shows his intolerance of limits and reiterates his childish attitude, whereby everything must be allowed. He thus compensates for frustration or contact with low self-esteem, hidden by the permissiveness granted to a child. It is a trait in short circuit with the fear of being an adult.

Inconstant

The Two-preservationist is intolerant of discipline; any work that entails effort or renunciation is seen by him as something impossible to sustain. Obviously, he justifies himself with lies or devaluing the objective. He also solves the obstacle by delegating the task. This dynamic is basic to remain dependent on the other and to nurture his pride, unaware of how this intolerance prevents him from regaining inner security as an adult.

Source: PDB Wiki

#personality theory #personality types #typology #enneagram #enneagram subtypes #instinctual variants #enneagram 2 #type 2 #2w1 #2w3 #sp2 #enfj #esfj #esfp

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aptericia · 1 year

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***Personal rant, not anything cool***

Making a vent post because I'm still awake at 6am and am very sleep-deprived >:( Also I'm guessing a lot of other people have had similar experiences and that makes me feel better.

So today I was chatting with a close friend who was excited for public schools' break next week. They asked if I had any sort of break (I'm homeschooled) and when I answered no, they said something along the lines of "well, your school is basically like a break anyway, since your workload isn't very high :)" They didn't say it in a resentful way, and I think it's likely that their workload is higher at the moment (I very much Do Not like talking about my personal problems and schoolwork most of the time, so we haven't really compared), but I felt a bit defensive at the comment, so I spent some time thinking about why.

I realized that other comments that have made me feel that way weren't about my homeschooling, but about my decision to pursue an art career. A parent has said "I don't mind if you want to be an artist, but I think you're so smart that you could be doing science or anything else you want to." A sibling has said to my face that they could never be satisfied going into art/entertainment even though they enjoy it, because they want a job that does good for the world. The advisor at the community college where I take classes made jokes to me about how if my sister got a good job, she could financially support me when I become a starving artist. I feel like I'm constantly being reminded that I'll grow up to be a lazy, unaccomplished burden--and that it's because of my choice to take such an easy, meaningless job.

Sometimes my lifestyle feels like that as well. As a homeschooled student, I have a lot of flexibility. I get to choose when I wake up in the morning, what classes I take, etc. Although I have problems with sleep and mental health, I constantly see worse talked about on the internet, or by my friends. I'm also extremely privileged--in addition to being homeschooled, I'm able-bodied, cisgender, White-passing, and a native citizen. I'm financially secure and have a supportive home life. My atheism and aromanticism, while not the "default" by society's standards, can be swept under the rug more easily than some identities. I feel like have the environment to take on a lot of work and accomplish a lot, so if I'm not doing that, it must be because I'm lazy.

In my worst moods, I feel almost betrayed. I want to say to my parents and teachers, "if art is such a shameful career, why did you encourage me? Why did you make me think it was okay?" or "why didn't you make me work harder and do things I hate doing? Now I'm not used to effort and hardship." I start to wish I didn't have so many privileges, or that I was abused, so that I would have a reason for slacking off so much (yes, I know that's messed up and unfair to people who have had to deal with those things).

On a purely personal level, I usually feel that I have balanced my work and rest reasonably well. I get good grades, I know basic things like how to buy stuff and cook and look up what I don't know, and I take breaks for my mental health. However, other people's expectations still affect me (and even if that weren't true, I wouldn't feel comfortable trusting only my own judgement). Although I'm meeting the requirements I feel like I need to, I'm still scared that I'll be completely unprepared for adulthood due to being "spoiled" so much as a kid. I still feel guilty that I appear to be doing so much less work than my peers. And I still feel like a failure for not doing more to "help the world".

Anywayyyy rant over, but I'm genuinely curious to hear what other people think. I'm sure other artists, privileged minors, etc have similar feelings, so how have you dealt with them? Do I sound completely nutty and make no sense? XD

#ramblings #personal

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grazinginthefield · 4 months

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I have just seen the Barbie movie, and I was bawling for 80% of the film. I was wondering why it was making me so emotional.

I had to unlearn all kinds of shaming tendered towards women because of how badly it was ingrained in my head. A woman who shows her cleavage or wear short skirts are supposed to want attention from men, and that they lack dignity for that. A woman who's curvy or fat is not supposed to be pretty or attractive. A woman who speaks up is supposed to be just whiny and irrational. A woman cannot be a leader because apparently, during her period, she cannot be trusted with decisions.

Then in my tweens and teenage years, I got expose with the contents of feminism and women empowerment. It came to the point where I started to have growing distrust in men. All those pathetic ideology were catered for men's pleasure. Suddenly, in my mind, they are only there to hurt us. When I get to start liking someone, I immediately find what's icky about him and how petty he actually is. And it was like that all those years.

But I had to understand that recognizing their privileges does not mean I had to hate them. It does take a lot of strength, because for most who I am starting to appreciate, would then make objectifying statements. It does determine who's willing to be called out and learn from it, from those who don't.

Next for me was the frustration of how we are pitted against each other, how we're programmed to just agree with our husbands or boyfriends. When I was a younger, I had an altercation with a married couple, I looked at the wife, thinking, "You should be on my side. You should know how it is to be a young girl being intimidated by a man." Or when a woman agrees or stay quiet when her man body-shames me... no, we should both be calling him out for it. Don't agree with him.

So coming into adulthood, I unconsciously started to despise the concept of being a wife, but not of motherhood. I know that's probably ironic but focusing on being a "wife" alone, for me it was all about us being taken away by a man. It is probably more honorable than that. But that's what it is in my head.

I have a very competent, qualified, and intelligent friend, who has so much potential if she only decides to pursue her career. She's very reliable and strong, and she was a student leader when we were still in school. I felt a bit sad when she got married when she was still in her 20s. I know her husband loves her, but it did feel like her potential has been constrained now. And slowly, it has been starting to feel like that. Is the next step for my friends really being tied up to a man? Will those men help pull them up, or set them up to societal expectations of a wife?

I opened this up to my sister, who was very sympathetic to me and helping me find the reason for it. She said, maybe they weren't just getting the support they need for their professional endeavors. Or that's where they just really see themselves and nothing's wrong with that.

But why can a man be a husband and still pursue his professional endeavors?

I struggle with this now being in a relationship.

Watching Barbie made me realize all that, and applying it to myself, first, I should not condemn my friends for doing what they love and believe in. They need to be receiving support and encouragement from me, not these frustrations I'm harboring. Second, I shall not set myself down for my partner and that I have to be certain that the compromises we're making is not only for his benefit nor solely for mine.

#barbie #women #personal

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sunspira · 1 year

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the secret to almost all identity and label discourse is describe what your experience means to you, don't try and describe what the other experience means to other people. don't try to pin down what sexual attraction feels like for allosexual people when describing your asexuality. because if you're ace you don't know what other people feel and will inevitably misrepresent the nuance. if you're pan, describe what that means to you. do not try to describe and define what bisexuality means or is or feels like to others. if you're not bi, you don't know and time and time again people have misrepresented the nuance and put random assumptions onto bisexuality while trying to define pansexuality. if you're trans or non-binary, express and define what that means and what that feels like. but don't try to define what being cis is or feels like (aside from the privilege aspect of course. do try to discuss how society protects and favors cis people!) don't try to discuss how cis women love being women or love girly dress or interests or anything like that, or that cis men love being guys and enjoy activities and media aimed at men and boys. because obviously it's not that clear cut and completely fucks over both gnc cis people and gnc trans / non-binary people by forcing something as personal as gender onto others. just worry about what being trans or non-binary or genderless means to you! and keep pushing for the right to be that and to have your community and label honored and the healthcare or social support you so deserve and need. again, when i say "your experience" i'm talking about the inner matters of "how do I know if i'm ace, trans or not etc", not matters of privilege or oppression that occur after coming out which can be much more defined and compared. but the experience of "what makes a cis person know they are cis" can't so easily or universally described, especially not by someone not living it. gender is always a personal matter with endless nuance! we can only definitively that they're not trans or non-binary and have zero interest or connection to those labels or communities (besides allyship). and that's more than enough.

because bottom line, many of these experiences do overlap, and that's ok! but gatekeeping what it means to be someone else. don't box in anyones gender because you fear you need yours to be entirely different from theirs for your label or community to exist. it absolutely does not need to be different in every way! the spectrums cross over and sometimes have more in common than not. but the labels and communities THEMSELVES are still worth having!!! don't let right wing reactionaries tell you that exact and precise divisions are needed in order to define yourself and advocate. it does not! pansexuality doesn't have to be definitionally or officially any different from bisexuality to exist or to make the person feel good and feel at home with the label. one person who doesn't feel sexual attraction during adulthood and then starts having sexual attraction in their late 20s might prefer to use the label allosexual late bloomer. another might prefer to label that time period of their life as when they were asexual or say they're on the ace spectrum. both of those make sense. one butch in love with a woman might feel like they are non-binary and that is the eureka answer to who they are, and another butch gnc lesbian might feel they are proudly a woman but in the lesbian sense which is its own thing apart from woman of the straight sense. and use he/him pronouns lol while still feeling found in labels like butch lesbian and if asked would probably call himself a cis woman. which is fine! there's peace and solidarity in just worrying about who you are to you. and not how unique that feeling definitionally is to the vast compounding layers in everyone's souls

#the lego movie is for he / theys and barbie movie is for she / theys post made me think of this #because if they had said 'the lego movie meant so much for me as a young he/they idk why' that post would be fantastic #it was trying to say 'she/they people like the barbie movie' that was so dense #it's hard to explain but if someone is pan and accepts it might be the same definitionally as someone who likes to call it bi . i love u #but if that pan person says im pan because pan means liking anyone and bi means somethingelse. gETyorhandsOFFme. bi already means anyone

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meanbihexual · 2 years

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7, 17, 27, 37, & 47 for any of your SWTOR babes!

So I have 9 developed (ish) OCs, so I just assigned them randomly to numbers without looking at the questions first, and I definitely got some combinations that I probably wouldn't have picked on my own, so I definitely am stretching some creative muscles on this one.

Thank you for sending me these @storyknitter!

I'm also putting a cut because this got long.

7. Favorite way to waste time? Feelings surrounding wasting time?

Safi: So Safi doesn't actually learn to waste time until well into adulthood. The Tiisheraan enclave was run by a very busy, very efficient Jedi who expected the people around her to be the same way. It's hard to blame her, given that she was running an enclave and a creche in, essentially, the mountain wilderness, and you know shit got crazy, but it didn't exactly teach the kids in her and her colleagues' care how to relax.

Safi's time on Tython with Orgus was largely spent learning how to slow down and take a breath in between Doing Things, but even after she figured that out her free time was mostly spent meditating, doing chores, or taking care of other little things that needed to be done.

Kira is actually a really good influence on her, because Kira knows how to have a good time AND take care of things, and she balances the two pretty well, so she definitely pressures Safi into really spending time doing things just for fun or even not doing anything. Especially after the Emperor's Fortress, when Safi was really struggling with meditating and really anything about being a Jedi, Kira helped her to discover that sometimes it's okay to just stop and do something meaningless.

Safi definitely continues to struggle with it, though, and funnily enough it's when she and Theron get together that she finally starts to figure it out. Theron is physically incapable of relaxing when she meets him, and seeing it in him and wanting to help him just goof off sometimes allows her to see the value in wasting time and really learning what she likes to do when there's no higher purpose to be served. (The same thing happens to Theron in reverse, as well, and they actually turn into semi-sane people eventually.)

Once she realizes that wasting time can be beneficial and that it's actually pretty fun, Safi likes watching holo-soaps (don't judge her), gardening, swimming, and listening to music.

Phila: Reading trashy romance novels all the way. Phila LOVES them, and the more ridiculous the premise, the better. In a weekend with nothing going on, she can easily devour five or six of them, along with a rancor-sized portion of Alderaanian chocolate.

She also loves to dance, although she doesn't usually consider it a waste of time. Before she decided to join the army, she was seriously considering a career as a professional dancer, so she likes to work dance into her workouts and also just uses it as stress relief.

Phila is fine with wasting time as long as everything important is dealt with first.

17. Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

Ixaila: Ixaila is the closest thing to Sith princess that exists in the Empire. She's the heir to two prominent pureblood families, she was raised in wealth and privilege and style, and it definitely shows in her wardrobe, which is so extensive that it takes up a room the size of a (large) shuttle at her estate. She rotates out what she has available on her ship every few months, and she only ever brings a small fraction of what she owns onboard, but it's still enough for her to crew to eyeroll extensively when it's rotation day.

Ixaila always looks put together. Vette has commented more than once that Ixaila is the only person she knows that can come out of battle looking like a holo-model (if they were modeling for a post-apocalyptic type deal.) Whatever outfit she has on, you can bet it's the highest quality, designer version available in Imperial space (and sometimes outside of that, too.)

As far as colors go, she favors blacks, reds, golds, and the occasional red-toned purple, and for fabrics she likes options that are rich and soft. A lot of her pieces are cut simply but really shine in the details, like embroidery or beading.

If she has any particular dressing rituals, she hasn't shared them with me.

Jy'tana: Functional all the way. It's a bonus if it looks nice, but she's always going to go for the outfit that makes the most sense for whatever she's doing. She doesn't really have any rituals for dressing, but she does have some superstitions regarding how she dons her armor and prepares her blasters for battle. Unfortunately, if she told you what they are, she'd have to kill you.

27. What is their biggest regret?

Amytis: Amytis is still percolating in my brain, but based on what I know so far, I'm going to say that she let Lana get away the first time. And the second time, too, actually.

Amytis and Lana meet for the first time on Hoth, when the consular is doing whatever Chapter 2 bullshit is happening at that point. They end up snowed in together, and, as is a Moral Imperative in fanfic, fall tragically in love and do some Doomed Lovemaking.

Of course, after the blizzard is over, they're faced once again with the fact that they're on two opposing sides of a war and have really only known each other a very short time, so they end up going their separate ways.

They end up repeating this pattern during SoR and finally end up staying together after that, but they did lose several years together.

Katt: I haven't solidified a lot of Katt's story after SoR, so from prior to that, it's that she wasn't able to save her father after her mother died.

When Katt was a child, her parents were spacers, and she and her younger sister Liri were raised on their ship. They went all over, transporting freight (both legally and not so much), seeing new planets, never staying in a new place long enough for it to get boring. Katt absolutely loved it.

When she was about 10, after making a run to a planet somewhere in the Outer Rim (Katt can't even remember the name, now), her mother got sick. The illness moved fast; one day she was fine, the next she wasn't, and in a week she was dead. Whatever it was affected her brain; she forgot who she was, who her family were, all sense of time and space and environment.

Understandably, this was terrifying for Katt, and really fucked her up on Taris when she was dealing with a disease that literally steals people's Space Humanity.

After her mom died, though, Katt's dad was destroyed. He made his way back to Coruscant, left his two daughters with his older sister, and started taking suicide smuggling runs that no one else would. It didn't take long for his actions to catch up with him.

Of course, none of this was Katt's fault, and even though she knows that logically, she can't shake the emotional sense of regret that she should have done more, been more, to keep her father alive during that time.

37. Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

Tsia: Tsia definitely starts off more analytical and as her story progresses she becomes more emotional. I would love to give more details here, but I haven't played the agent story in like, 6 years, and I really need to do that again so that I can develop her more.

47. How do they express love?

Ynnara: In public, usually very sarcastically. Sometimes people wonder if she really does love her wife, until they see that unrefutable proof that she does (typically in the form of "I will kill you, slowly and agonizingly, if you do anything to make her even slightly unhappy." Ynnara has issues, but she's a Sith, so...)

In private, however, Ynnara is ridiculously romantic. You know those Jane Austen heroes that spout off the most heartbreakingly romantic monologues at any given moment? It's like that. She also is very physically affectionate, so kissing, hand holding, sensually draping herself across her lover, she's got all that down.

And, of course, tons of sex.

Adira: Adira is basically a giant golden retriever with the capacity of a labrador puppy to get into trouble. So her love looks like a lot of well-intentioned disasters, enthusiastic physical displays, and occasional heart-meltingly tender moments.

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pop-punklouis · 1 year

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about your graduating anon and your response

i graduated in december last year, school year starts back up in march so i said "im gonna take two whole months, i'll worry about finding a job in march" to have somewhat the same two months of summer vacation and like that structure im used to since i was five. now february is coming to an end and i should start worrying about finding a job but i just don't know where or how to start i *am* frightened. i went to the supermarket the other day and thought to myself "i should get my school supplies" and my dad was like "you're not in school anymore" and i was left standing like this 🧍🏻‍♀️

i feel so clueless dbdjsjs i don't know where to go from here i need someone to hold my hand and guide me through adulthood im bedridden with anxiety (not really, well kinda a bit)

i am privileged enough to have a dad who's not pressuring me to get out of the house and find a job, money is tight at the moment but we're not struggling but i feel so fucking useless being 25 and not having a job and now i don't even have the excuse of being a full time student xbbdhdjdndb

my dad however insist on taking it slow, this is the last time i'll ever have this much time to just not stress and relax and have "me" time because once I find a job and get into the rhythm i most likely won't stop until i retire so it's okay to just be free for a bit, ive been studying my whole life to the point i don't know what i am if im not in an academic environment and it feels like i've been stressed since before i left high-school

I don't know if there was that much of a point to this whole rant just it's okay to be scared about your future after graduation, it's okay to take a break if you are able to, everything will work itself out eventually

it’s almost like you’ve been walking around in my brain with this ask 🙃 it’s always good to be reminded that we’re not alone and a lot of people are struggling with this after graduation. like it’s one thing to know it but it’s another to hear someone personally talk about it yk? so i’m giving you the biggest hug 🫂 things will work out for us somehow, someway and we’ll be able to venture out into the world without all this fear and burn out. love you grey

#grey

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fourfoldmom · 24 days

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Guilt&Grace: Mom Guilt and Breaking Generational Curses

The other day as I sat in the recliner finally being able to breath after getting all the kids down for bed, I felt a wave of sadness and regret. The same questions rang in my head,"Could I have been a better mom today?' Could I of yelled less, and played more. Maybe I should've said yes to the mess, just for the memories. Was I too strict and need to be more lax. As these questions swirl in my head like a building tornado I start to question my own traumas. Hoping every day I don't make my children live as I did with generational curses that I try to break free of.

My mother was always a cruel woman. Mainly to us girls, which she had 3 of, but never to my brother. She never hugged us girls, never called us beautiful unless we were dressed to impress guests or strangers. She rarely said,'I love you." to us or checked on our mental health (those days that was still a subject of taboo). My brother was always important, he received the affection us girls lacked all of our lives. Being the only boy earned him an instant ticket to grace and softness. Something my two sisters and I craved but never obtained a fix for. My sisters shared a father and my brother and I shared another. As we got older each set of kids went to go live with their respective fathers never to see or speak again until adulthood. I thought when I moved in with my father at the tender age of 8, it was my chance to finally get some parental affection I only read about in books and seen other girls receive in school. I was sadly mistaken.

The treatment towards me and my brother was night and day at my fathers. My dad being a single father my entire life and no females to go to for advice, made it nearly impossible for him to relate to me as a male, and he never seemed to figure out his role as a "girl dad" either. I had to watch my brother have endless amounts of freedoms and privileges, while I was living a life closed off from a lot of healthy teenage and adolescent experiences. When I first got my menstrual, my dad treated me like I was gross, that it was something more to be hidden than to be celebrated. I couldn't blame him on that one I suppose. Clothes shopping every school year was already terrible, but it was even worse when I began to physically mature. My brother always got more leeway on the clothing he could wear, but I was stuck to graphic tee's and loose jeans so none of my growing curves would be noticeable. Up until my junior year in high school I never owned a real bra or thong, until it came to the point when I was finally able to shop on my own due to getting my first job. Dating was out of the question for me, as I watched my brother snuggle in bed when his girlfriend would come over or go to his friends houses as I was told I had no business being out after dark .Despite my father pushing me away and doting on my brother, I still idolized my father. I wanted to be a "daddies princess" so bad it crushed me when I never got to be. That trauma of never feeling good enough to my parents followed my into adulthood. I was bound and determined to never make someone else feel like I did.

I begged and pleaded into the wind when I had my first child that I would never allow myself to treat my children with such passive and callous behavior. I would do all the hugs, all the affirmations, the constant reminders that my children were important and meaningful in my life. Every new toy or trending item they wanted I would provide, no questions asked. Until the day came that he was here. I was scared to have a boy at first, but his beautiful tan skin, black hair and pout lips made him something out of a baby catalog. Beautiful, small and precious. I vowed to protect him, mentally and physically. When he turned two, I had his little sister, I was so excited, I had a boy and a girl. Now was my chance to make another human being, feel the love and admiration I always seeked! I suffered from postpartum depression after my daughter. Motivation to go the extra mile was practically non-existent, everyday was simply bare minimum survival and necessity. Things went on like that for almost a year until therapy and proper medication came into play. I finally was able to see the goal and sunshine again. As time went on i went on to have two more little girls. My home and heart were filled to the brim. I was really settling into my role as a mother and homemaker happily. Then came the divorce.

My childrens father an I met at 17 and 19. We shared the four children together and went on to get married at our 8 year mark. There were a lot of up's and down's in our marriage, which is typical. It's when it became more harmful than peaceful that it was time to call it quits at our 10 year mark. It effected me more than I anticipated and my mental health once again declined. If I wasn't busy beating myself up over the failure of my marriage, I was beating myself up about being depressed about it and not keeping my promise I made to myself and my children long ago. It was a real pitty party for awhile, until I finally got into therapy again and redid my medication. I was back to feeling A1 again.

I finally was able to keep my promise. I always remind my children of how strong, smart, funny, and beautiful they are. That their part in my life is the most important thing to me. There are days I slip and fall. Maybe I yelled all day and never said I love you. Maybe I forgot to apologize when I knew I was wrong. I could've been more involved, I could've tried a little harder, more effort, more happiness, more memory building, more time spent, more, more, more, more, more. Until I'm sitting in that recliner at the end of the night, massaging my temples replaying the day. Its like the saying goes,"I'll be okay, I just have to be dramatic first." It fits so well. I will call myself every name in the book, beat myself up; me vs me. Then when I'm done, i brush the dust off and look up to seeing one of my babies walking into the living room to give me a goodnight hug and kiss and tell me they love me, which i return the gesture with some might. I may of had a bad go at this day, but the good days out weigh these bad ones. I may be an adult, but I deserve to be graceful with myself. Im allowed to be angry, I'm allowed to be sad, exhausted, overwhelmed, over stimulated. I've cared so much for my children and their happiness and feelings that they've finally reached the age where they can radiate that love and affection freely into others when they see a need. So when I am feeling these things, they treat me the same way I treat them. With kindness, patience, understanding and love. That's how I know I broke the generational curses. They show me everyday that the chains broke with me. The links rusted, withered and flown like dust into the breeze. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be available. Be open with your emotions, teach your children these feelings are okay, then teach them they are still loved even after. You'll be proven everyday through their actions and reactions that you're doing such an imperfectly perfect job! You've got this mama, don't let the hard days shadow all the beautiful ones to come and pass!

Until next time beebs,

Sage Summers <3

#parenting #mental health #momlife #kids #children #trauma #childhood trauma #trauma recovery #divorce #relationships #healing #self reflection #grace #compassion #singlemom #sagesummers #blog #mom blog #life

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peanutbutteresque · 2 months

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wanna know something funnier than 24? 25!!!

a twenty-five first timer's piece of mind

turning 25 was never something i look forward to nor felt excited about but still feel damn blessed for it because growing older is a privilege denied to many. if fortune favors me, i will get to see plenty more birthdays after this one, and hitting the big and heavy 25 will eventually become ancient history. getting older is just a natural part of life's journey, something we can't avoid. but why do we often define ourselves by numbers? they really don’t mean anything other than the significance in our own minds. especially 25, why does it feel like a landmark age, something so anxiety-inducing for some people? imagine rolling with life without worrying about how many candles are on the cake or without blurting out our age every time we meet someone, simply without having the weight of age on our shoulders.

on the first day of being 25, i woke up feeling the same as i did the day before. hitting the halfway mark between 20 and 30 didn't suddenly make my life different. everything was still the same, even now, on the third day of being 25. despite the initial feeling of nothing changing with the arrival of being 25, the idea of a quarter-life crisis is still frightening that i found myself caught in a whirlpool of "should be, would be, could be," questioning every decision and comparing myself to unrealistic standards. sometimes, we ourselves are imposing unto our very selves a timeline for what we should achieve by the end of this year or before we get to a certain age (don't get me started with social pressures) when we should just be, having the capacity to live in the present moment and experience it fully, acknowledging the emotions and processing it, giving ourselves the time and space we need before moving forward.

reaching the age often deemed a symbol of true adulthood, but your inner child is still running the show can be tough because i still find myself getting upset over trivial matters. i read somewhere that as we get older, we tend to have fewer friends. it's a hard pill to swallow for me because compared to last year, the birthday wishes i received this year were lackluster. i know i might seem petty for this, but it's something that means a lot to me. i've always cherished birthday wishes and enjoy putting effort into making others feel special on their special day, so was it wrong of me to expect the same level of effort in return? 👉🏼👈🏼 well yeah, note to my sisters and brothers from the future: it's not about the length or extravagance, just something that feels sincere and personal. let's make each other feel truly special on our birthdays! 🥰

#turning 25 and its bits and bobs #mid-life crisis??? more life quarter-life slices!!!#adulthood #getting things off ur system leads to a good deep sleep #the first two paragraph coming in serious tone and the last is just pouring out one's heart....oooff adulting much?

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utteringsofamadone · 5 months

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Something I can't get out of my head...

CW: content (I lack the foresight to be more descriptive, let alone the consideration to recognize what deserves such a thing)

It was around 4 years ago.

I was walking through the city streets of downtown Charleston, South Carolina at witching hour. The road was empty but for streetlight and storefronts, and just past the lights a block away a person, riding towards me on a bicycle.

"Can ya help me, please?" called a voice as the cyclist approached. Seeing his bulky jacket and haggard demeanor, I took him for one of the many homeless people who frequently sought the kindness of strangers, myself included. Typically, I might have considered walking with him to an ATM to give him some cash. I'm privileged enough to be Tall and Imposing enough to dissuade most danger, and kind enough to rarely invite it, after all. This time, however, I was recently without a job and soon to be moving away-I didn't have any money.

"I don't think I have any means to help you, unless you want to bum a cigarette..?" I offered sheepishly as the man on his bicycle was nearly upon me.

"Hell no! I'm tryna get of this bike, can you hold it steady for me?" It was at this point I noticed a large bag of handyman's tools on his shoulder opposite me. I hastily moved to hold the handle bars of his bike as he cruised to a stop at the curb by the sidewalk I was walking on, and reached for the bag on his shoulder.

He stepped off his vehicle and turned to face me, graciously proclaiming his thanks. He asked me to walk with him a moment, and started leading his bike back the way he had come. It is at this point in the memory that I begin to doubt my perceptions...

He told me he "Sensed trouble in me, turmoil." This conversation was only a few months after a recent brush with an intense goal of ending my own life by way of poison tea, the same way civil war soldiers received mercy should their injuries prove too severe. It may seem selfish of me, but this life has long weighed rather heavy on me. I am tall, white, attractive, and skillful enough at masking my neurodivergence that I can usually receive acceptance from anyone I am willing to lie to. Keeping up with lies is exhausting, though, and the only way these qualities benefit me are if, when, and how I am willing to exploit others in order to bring that benefit to fruition. I am not a skilled enough negotiator to pull off changing minds, save for those who know me long enough to pick up on any examples I try to live by. Obviously I chose life...

Before I could respond, he continued, "if you have never had a home, you will never grow like this here tree, you see? This tree has been here for years, decades, and has good, strong roots. To be like a tree, you need to grow your roots! Now, it don't gotta be here or now... but it better happen sooner, rather than later!" By this point in our talking, we had stopped to stoop near the corner on the block I had first noticed him riding from. Shortly after, he picked up his heavy bag of tools, got back on his bike, and rode away... I still remember his paint speckled sneakers to this day. I saw him once more before taking my leave from that city, he was amongst many people as I walked past the park he was standing in. He disrupted his own conversation to call out to me, "Remember what I said! Grow them roots, and be good to people. Like me!"

Certainly that man had no way of knowing I grew up in no particular home, over 40 rooves above my head before I reached legal adulthood, and several more by that point... and to this day, 4 years later, I struggle with the mission I was given that night. What soil could possibly be worth growing roots, in a world held up by draining the very land in which I ought to grow them... It very much reminds me of why I hate the way that Nazis have taken the phrase "reject modernity, embrace tradition," because by my best estimation it was human tradition to revel in progress. The so called "traditions" these neo-fascist shitheels support can arguably be called a symptom of modernity: expectations that a standard order be adhered to... Before men [falsely] claimed dominion over women and land, tradition was to help one another at all costs, no?

This seed is beginning to wither, with no roots beginning to sprout.

Oh, , , what is there to be done?

#activism #yapping #mystery #musings #environmentalism #sustainability #human rights

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britishsimp · 1 year

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Not meant to be

Warnings: Swearing, sad ending

Not my story it was created by my friend

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's nice to fall in love, not until you finally hit the ground.

The spotlight is on us now, we are dancing in the middle of so many people, It's his 21st Birthday, in those 21 years, I've been by his side for 12 years, and I've loved him for 12 years.

You know the feeling that you both know that you're not JUST FRIENDS but at the same time you can't call what relationship you have as LOVERS because there is no label, no assurance, no commitment held.

But I'm fed up, I'm fed up with our set up like this; owning, blocking, flirting, even though it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be because there are no rights, There are no rights because we don't have any – I'm not his, He's not mine.

I'm going to confess.

We swayed to the rhythm of the music, and I couldn't help but be mesmerized by his smile. It was as if nothing else mattered in the world but the two of us on the dance floor.

As the song came to an end, he spun me around, we then continued to look at each other's eyes

''h/n, I li-''

''I know'' He said, cutting my words off

I was so confused, he just smiled at me.

We go back to our place earlier, he'll blow candles first.

It's okay! I still have a lot of time, the night is still long.

After blowing his candle, he took the mic, and there he began his speech ''Good evening to all of you, and thank you for being here tonight to celebrate my 21st birthday debut. I am honored and grateful to have you all here to share this special moment with me. Turning 21 is a significant moment in any young person's life. It marks a transition from adolescence to adulthood, and it comes with newfound responsibilities, privileges, and opportunities. I want to thank my friends and family who traveled from near and far to be here tonight. Your presence means the world to me, and I am truly grateful for the effort you all made to celebrate this milestone with me. And of course, I want to thank my parents for organizing this incredible event. Without their guidance, I would not be the person that I am today. Without them– I wouldn't be able to live this comfortable life that I lived my whole life, but as I grew up.. I realized that living a comfortable life without purpose is not what I really want,''

Everyone at the event looked at each other and whispered

''after a few days, I will go to Paris, I will live there and I will continue my studies. Mom, dad I'm sorry but... I'm stepping down from the position as heir to the company''

His mother's mouth was covered, while his father's eyebrows were already meeting

''A lawyer, that's what I want to be. I want to help people and be able to make changes. For me, being able to pursue that is better than living this comfortable life, this comfortable life where I can get all the clothes I want, I also studied at one of the most expensive schools in the country, every morning someone prepares something to eat, wear'' Until now, he was still smiling "I believe that sometimes we need to let go of the past and start anew. Again, thanks for attending my birthday party everyone-''

I can't seem to finish his speech anymore, I ran crying, I heard our other friends calling me but I ignored them.

I'm now in an empty hallway

Someone grabbed my hands ''y/n wait-''

''What is that, h/n? Are you not done yet? Are you going to reveal something else?'' I said, trying not to cry

''I'm sorry, I like you too but I'm not yet ready..'' he said

I couldn't stop myself from crying

I was ready to risk it all but I guess I'm not someone he's worth risking for

He stepped closer to me then he hugged me "God damnit h/n"

At least once in your life, have you ever considered choosing me?

Can't I be there while you chase your dreams?

Can't we chase each other's dreams together?

#imagines #my story #original story

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julianottheastrologer · 3 years

Text

19 Secrets about Leo

Please ... this type of post is done with my own knowledge, please don't take everything too serious

This series is made to show love to our sun signs, for me no matter how many details you look for about astrology, the person knowing how their sun sign works is already the best thing, it is our greatest light and we need to know it better than anything else.

The secret list is made by this person, the description is mine.

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🌟 Think differently - trendy clothes are kryptonite for leonina, they want to be different and stand out, that's why they look for tools to be more unique, they are the type of people who will look for new things and probably say “I started to like XXX before to be famous ”.

🌟 Curious - they love to know and talk about what they know, but also because they don't like to miss out on anything, they will always have some detail on the subject, curiosity persecutes them and don't be surprised to see them in journalism, blogs or research.

🌟 Don't make me a clown - Leos don't like to be made fools, they will take revenge and directly, without litanies.

🌟 Forgive, will you? - Lions do forgive, but they do it for themselves, they know that the only one who will take this feeling of grief with will be them and that is why they leave people behind.

🌟 Intense love - they love romanticism and that is why they demonstrate it as soon as they can, romantic dinner and love letters are normal activities for them and for all the meetings they have had they know the theme song.

🌟 Catch fire - they are creative in sex, they want to demonstrate their love of body and soul and do what they can at the time of sex to show in the body what the soul cannot speak.

🌟 Charm - they are naturally showman and that is why they get along very well with the public, show that they care for each other without losing their own shine and like to be the guiding light of a crowd.

🌟 I want success - Leo people are born brilliant and want to live life very fast, they have the determination to leave their mark wherever they go and that is why in childhood they are very curious, in adolescence they already start working on their projects and in adulthood they study a lot to succeed.

🌟 They hide feelings - they are people of all or nothing and that is why they can hide their characteristics too much that they do not like, if they are more extroverted they will be very extroverted and forget some qualities of the introvert and this happens with the opposite side, but this part that they hide consume them.

🌟 Danger - no, it is not for the friend, it is for you Leo, they are so curious and passionate that they experience more extreme and dangerous lives, bonding with addictions that do not help at all.

🌟 Creative mind - governed by Apollo, lord of the arts, they have many creative skills such as sewing, writing, painting, but what they should bet more on is music.

🌟 Normal people - those who speak of the leos always speak as if they were stars and that is why they want to shine alone, but in the leos' heart they live a romance with their soul mate every day, they want to get involved with the one who will make them the happiest.

🌟 I am difficult - Leo are hunters and that is why they make themselves difficult prey, to get the attention of a Leo you need to understand that they are the ones who are managing to date someone very unique, deluxe edition, and not that you are giving the tips.

🌟 Strong opinion - they have a strong personality, like their fiery brothers and still being their fixed one, they likes to be challenged about their point of view and power to win the discussions and battles with a firm hand.

🌟 Politicians by nature - when they realize that not everyone has the same privilege as they do, they fight for everyone's rights, like to speak and put the pains of the world on social networks.

🌟 Storytellers - they love a romance and a romantic book, so they tell about their life and character as if they were in a book, with details and magical subjects that interest them and make their lives more exciting for others.

🌟 Sensitive - ruled by Apollo, the Leos have the sensitivity granted by him, since he also rules the fortune tellers, so they also absorb energies that misaligned their nature, and they are likely to seek reiki or alignment of chakras.

🌟 Lie detector - they catch the lie in the air as if it were a divination, they let it hang until they find it necessary to cut it.

🌟 Protection or jealousy - they are known to be overprotective and like to take care of their loved ones, because they don't like lies and are sensitive, they can put paranoia of betrayal on their head and carry a ball of jealousy on their feet.

#madam saturn #astrology #astro notes #astro observations #sun sign #leo #leo sun #5th house #zodiac #horoscope #madam astrology

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