#they shit with the bathroom door open and I love that for them
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Roomie!sukuna doesn't even get horny for anyone other than you anymore. You have the wettest, nastiest pussy he's ever seen- and he deserves the best so nobody but you will do. You're fucking so many other fine men now that you dont even give him a second glance when he walks out the shower in just a towel to tease you. And oh, his temper when one of your hookups pick you up and you don't come home for the weekend. Or even worse, they stay for the weekend. Sukuna has never let a girl sleep over at the apartment but now there are two colognes in the bathroom, two pairs or men's shoes at the door, and he can almost never see you in the living room without some other man hanging off your side
read the other parts here! : part 1 part 2
he’s literally so embarrassingggg it’s not even funny. he’ll walk around and flex his muscles, smirk on his puffy lips as the water drips down his ripped torso. he stands outside your open door, you’re looking down at your phone deciding on whether to spend the night at choso’s or nanami’s (pick choso, nanami gets up at like 5 am 🙄), “showers empty..” sukuna basically purr’s, resting his arm on the doorway.
and you literally could not give less of a fuck💀
you just nod, mumbling a ‘thanks’ as you focus on putting both their names in a generator and letting that choose your fate for the night. let’s just say sukuna was extremely angry when a motorcycle pulls up and you just giggle and hop onto it, kissing the stupid leather clad boy while throwing on the custom bikers helmet choso had made for you. and to top it off, sukuna had to physically restrain himself from blowing up your phone on where the fuck you are??
messages;
ryo<3: didn’t see you this morning
you: i’m staying with choso for the weekend! sorry, should’ve told you last night:/
you: i also won’t be home after wednesday satoru is taking me to this festival! i’ll send pics😋
ryo<3: have fun 👍
omfg he’s losing it. he literally will spend the whole time in the gym, refusing to be in the empty apartment for longer than eight hours for sleep. he feels like there’s a cement brick in his chest when you’re whisked away by these men. but nothing is worse than when he stays over.
he being satoru.
it was becoming a huge issue. his longest “sleepover” was a week. a week where you weren’t even home for half of it. but sukuna was. he was there for all of it.
there was now a third toothbrush taking up countertop space in the bathroom, he would find satoru’s clothes in the wash (which would always somehow be in there whenever ryo specifically had to use it??), and gojo absolutely loved to make out with you everywhere but inside of your room and sukuna started to hated it. publicly claiming you in front of the guy who literally made it possible🙄 unbelievable.
let’s just say you take a break from bringing satoru over, doing your best to settle the tension at home. but sukuna couldn’t let it go, not when he stares at the stupid fucking blue electric toothbrush and knows that it’s only temporary.
at this point he didn’t even give a fuck about the other guys, you can keep them as long as he’s added onto your roster.
it’s been a while since the two of you had a movie night. something that used to, at the very least, happen once a month has been delayed due to your extra activities. the two of you relaxed into the couch, the movie was a random one you found choosing whatever looked the best by cover and for the first time in a while, sukuna felt like he had you.
“did you buy the candy?”
“shit, yeah. i think i left it in my room?”
“go get it while i make the popcorn!” you smiled up at him, your eyes sparkling excitedly. you looked so cute and soft, and ryo got a glimpse of your cute pink panties when you bent over to grab something so he was feeling just as good. he could already picture the little damp spot he’d create after teasing you and then force you to beg and make it up to him.
he thought about it the whole walk to his room, picking up the bag and then back to the living room, fantasizing about what he plans to do. and just as he’s about to turn the corner, a head of white fluffy hair is laying on your lap, legs spread to take up the full length of the couch. and the only seat available? the one farthest from you.
“i hope you don’t mind, satoru said he missed us!”
us… sukuna looked down at gojo, looking at the content quirk in his lip while he snuggled into you more, moving one of your hands into his hair to play with it. ryo’s eye twitched before he put the bag down and went back into his room, the door slamming behind him. the noise makes you force satoru up, a pit forming in your stomach. you didn’t want sukuna to feel uncomfortable in his own house—
“damn, what’s he so mad abo- he got macha kitkats!? mmm~”
*bonus*
sukuna is literally in his room about to dry heave because??? what alternative version of himself gave him such bad karma?!? in his room like this;
but quietly, because he DEFINITELY doesn’t want you to see him like this. such a fein🤦♀️
a/n: i didn’t put smut because i didn’t want to get repetitive BUT should we finally let sukuna get a taste?? part 4 where he finally gets her?? lmk🫶
*not edited*
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#chubby reader#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk smut#gojo satoru#jujutsu satoru#sukuna x y/n#sukuna x you#jjk sukuna smut#sukuna smut#smut#ryomen sukuna x y/n#ryomen sukuna x you#ryomen sukuna smut#ryomen sukuna#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna x reader#poc reader#jjk sukuna x reader#jjk choso#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#jjk asks#anon ask#ask me anything
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I do love the idea of an unhinged reader. Not like brutally unhinged but... like the kind that is harmlessly annoying and is just a brat to Task Force 141.
Like the mother fuckers nickname is Menace and they're somehow still alive after everything so they make it everyone's problem.
They're great at what they do, amazing even— but no team wants menaces like Menace, not even the heavens nor the hells want the damn person.
This is the same Menace who wears a devilish half-mask, but only above their mouth so people can see their shit-eating grin (think similar to the ghoul mask above) as they leave small firecrackers under the lids of toilet seats, or so people notice the way their lips curl up in mock disgust when someone is talking.
Menace who only goes through with the SAS training to one up another soldier they despised, enough to have sicked a pack of squirrels on that they personally hand fed a few days after— they even bonded enough with the little fuckers that when they were finally transferred out to be someone else's problem, the squirrels would steal the remaining soldiers foods.
Laswell, whose grand idea of knocking the boys down a peg since she's tired of their shenanigans includes getting this Menace of a person to join 141 with faint threats of blackmail— to which Coporal Menace respects, leading Kate to being the only one who is not subjected to the dumpster fire that is about to happen, but is only encouraged by her wife.
Price, who in his right mind, nearly rejects the idea of this misfit joining because of their turnover rate but gives in when Laswell tells him it would be worth it— that her wife likes them and they're an excellent solider after all.
Immediately upon arrival, Menace lives up to their name— pissing on the side of the building as if to mark their new territory before deciding it would be a good idea to rile up the behemoth of a man by asking Price: "Didn't anyone tell the poor bastard that Halloween was four fuckin' months ago? Look at 'em he looks emo."
It wasn't until then that the poor Captain realized how much of an untamed brat his new corporal was— only to be further set in after the first two weeks on base.
Sure Menace got along with Soap, but they were far too alike for Menace's likings and Gaz, sweet sweet Gaz, gave them a few too man odd glances and playfully snide remarks for their liking— meanwhile Ghost had made them scrub the bathroom from top to bottom with a small sponge, and well they could already see the forming regret in Price's eyes.
So Menace did what they did best.
It started out simple: silently attaching balloons on strings to the back of their clothes without them noticing, flipping all of the furniture upside down during the middle of the night, purposefully mocking every single move of one of the operators for a full day, sugar in the salt shaker or salt in the sugar dish, you name it they did it.
Glitterbomb the captain? Oh yeah, and there's still glitter in his mustache.
Tied the two sergeants' doors together so that neither could open it? Done and done, they were locked in their rooms for a good hour until someone cut the rope.
Move the lieutenant’s furniture two inches to the right so that he would constantly stub his toe? Yeah, you can practically see him fuming after every trip to his office.
And what irked the lads the most? Menace kept getting away without being caught— managing to even out sneak Ghost, which the only reason for it is: Menace knowing they don't know what they look like without that mask. So obviously they take it off and blend in with the many other people on base.
They made a fool of their sergeants, their lieutenant, and their captain and it was time to get back at the cunning prankster— but Menace grew suspicious. Usually they would have been booted out by a normal team by then, but what Menace came to realize a bit too late was that Task Force 141 was not normal.
And reality came to a head when Menace was called to Price's office to collect something— only for that something to be a bucket of ice cold water falling onto their head and for the captain to tell their now soaking wet and cold Coporal: "Game's on, brat."
#cod mw2#gaz cod#ghost cod#john price#kyle gaz garrick#john soap mctavish#soap cod#price cod#call of duty x reader#cod x male reader#john price x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#honestly can turn this into smut#menace reader#task force 141#tf141 are totally brat tamers while also being brats#tf 141 x reader#drabble
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casual
jaemin x afab! reader - 6.6k words
warnings- smut, jaemin can't commit for shit, some jeno x reader, jaemin calls the reader a slut, drinking and smoking, oral (m and f), fingering, pet names (princess, pretty girl, babe), overstimulation, unprotected sex
"not that loser again," chaewon groans as she watches you check your pinging phone for the millionth time. you rolled your eyes at her as karina scoffed, "girl, he's for the streets. please just block him and move on. you're hot. you can pull someone new easily." you gave them a sad smile as you packed up your things, "i have to go." you sped walked into the parking lot where jaemin was leaning against his car. when he spotted your figure he got into his car and started up the engine. you opened the passenger seat and threw your bag into the backseat. "hey jaem," you settled into the passenger seat of the car. you were quick to notice the bright pink acrylic nail on the door. you sank down into the seat as he gave you a kiss on the cheek and sped off towards his house.
"isn't that the girl you always fuck on the dorm couch?" jeno asked jaemin. he turned around and followed his gaze to your figure across the room. you were pressed up against the wall with a man in front of you. he recognized the 'fuck me' eyes you were giving the man as he was all too close to your lips. jeno patted his arm, "man, if you're jealous maybe you need to ask her out. "no, it's just casual."
casual is the word that rung in your ears since the day you met jaemin at a party for his frat. he had just fucked you dumb as the party echoed downstairs. your legs were shaky as you tried to get yourself decent, but as you looked over at him, you saw him throwing his shirt on casually. his eyes locked on yours before he left the room, "no attachments. remember, this is just casual."
obviously, the two of you had different versions of causal. casual to you wasn't this fancy dinner with his parents. they sat across from you as you sat next to jaemin. "honey are you okay?" his mom asked. you smiled and nodded the best you could with jaemins index and middle finger dragging along your walls under the table. "i-im fine. can i just excuse myself to the bathroom?" you asked. they nodded, concern filling there eyes as you fixed your dress and quickly ran off. "son, go check on her," his dad waved off jaemin who happily stood up and left behind you. that's how you ended up bent over his sink as he moved in and out of you. your moans were muffled by his hand over your mouth as he pounded repeatedly into you. for a moment, you forgot there was nothing casual about being fucked against the bathroom counter as his parents sat out there completely unaware. the thoughts were quickly pushed out by your incoming orgasm. jaemin fucked you through your release and then came inside of you. he waited for you to fix yourself up before leaving the bathroom. you stared at the makeup running down your face and the strands of your hair that stood up. "it's just casual." you reminded yourself.
you were cuddled up to jaemin's chest as he played with your hair. nothing had happened; he just called you over and pulled you into his arms. "you're pretty," he said, kissing the top of your head. you smiled and looked up at him, "so are you." "we make quite an attractive duo, don't we," he left a soft kiss on your lips. no matter how sweet the lingering taste of his chapstick was, it wouldn't overpower the bitterness you felt as he left kisses on your lips as if it were nothing. he always did it. he would kiss you with the passion of 100 men or leave sweet kisses on your lips as though he were in love with you. you hated the soft kisses more than anything. with every feather like peck, you imagined the white picket fence house and two kids but were soon pulled down to reality.
you were at yet another frat party with chaewon and karina. you hated them so much, especially after meeting jaemin. the reason why stood about 6 feet in front of you with his tongue down another girl's throat. "i'm surprised you haven't gotten mono yet," chaewon handed you a red solo cup filled with some mystery liquid. "you need to move on already. he's a bum," karina groaned. "he's nice," you could feel the tears brimming in your eyes. "do not cry over that loser," chaewon grabbed you harshly by the shoulders. "what you need to do is get some non diseased dick and show him what he's missing by playing around." you nodded, downed whatever was in the drink, and made your way through the crowd, knowing exactly who your target was going to be.
naturally you had met jeno within the first couple of weeks fucking around with jaemin. you knew jeno was attracted to you but had some kind of bro code going on. you were quick to find him sitting on the couch, smoking a blunt. you sat in the empty spot next to him, making sure to get as close as possible. he adjusted so that his arm was around you, pulling you into his side. "you saw him, didn't you?" he pressed the roll to your lips and you happily took a hit. "yea. it's nothing serious between us, so it's whatever." "so that's why you came to press on me? because it's whatever," he let out a low chuckle. you put your head on his shoulder, already feeling the weed mix with the alcohol in your system. "if he can go around with other girls then I can be with other guys. it's only fair," you pressed a kiss to jeno's jawline. "careful princess," his hand moved down to grip your waist as you continued to leave open mouth kisses and marks around his neck. he swiftly pulled you into his lap, so you were straddling him. you took a quick glance up and locked eyes with jaemin who looked like he was about to kill jeno. you gave him a smirk before you got up from jeno's lap, taking him by the hand and pulling him upstairs.
jeno watched from his spot on the bed as you cried into your hands. "i just want him to want me like i want him." you were pacing back and forth around the room. "yn that's how he is. did no one warn you?" he replied. "they did and i'm a dumbass for fucking around with that loser, but..." you let out a scream that you hoped was drowned out by the music downstairs. "you're in love with him," jeno laughed. you threw yourself face down onto the bed next to him, "i hope his dick breaks." jeno let out a louder laugh. "i hope so too. being his roommate is rough. maybe if it broke, he wouldn't have a girl over every night." "you're so not helping right now." you got up and gave a light punch to his arm. "if it makes you feel better he's never been as consistent as he is with you." you rolled your eyes and said, "Yeah, that makes me feel so much better. a new girl every night makes me feel a million times better." "just tell him you like him. trust me, he doesn't even know it yet, but he likes you back," jeno stood up and stretched. "i'll tell him we fucked if it makes you feel better." you stood up and followed behind him, grabbing his hand, "yeah we can tell him that."
contact with jaemin after that night had been minimal. "don't tell me you're stressing over that dumbass," karina sighed loudly. you were sitting beside her, jumping at every notification. "i'm not," you lied right through your teeth. "i saw you and jeno go upstairs at the party. why not get one over on him and start fucking his friend?" she stood up from her seat next to you. "maybe. good luck on the test," you pulled up jeno's contact and sent him a quick 'jaemin there?' text.
you paced back and forth in jeno's room. "is this going to become a reoccurring thing?" he asked. jeno was sitting at his desk shirtless for whatever reason and doing what looked like calculus homework. "no but why won't he text me?" you punched him repeatedly on the back. he spun around, grabbing your hands, "he's jealous, that's why." as jeno said that, the door swung open. "hey bro, have you seen my-" the clear voice of jaemin was cut off mid-sentence when he saw the two of you. he quickly walked out of the room as you freed yourself from jeno's grasp. "well now he really thinks we're together," jeno said. you stood there frozen for a moment before throwing yourself onto jenos bed, kicking and screaming into the sheets, "he hates me!" "he doesn't. he's just jealous. he probably hates me, though."
you rummaged around in your drawer, looking for the white lacy bra you had taken a liking to. "what the fuck, where is it?" you mumbled to yourself as you took out everything from your drawer. you sat on the floor with your back against the dresser, thinking back to where it could possibly be. if you could see your complexation right now, your face would probably be drained of color. you pushed yourself off the floor and made your way to your bed. you sat on the soft white sheets as you shakily picked up your phone. you stared at jaemin's contact.
hey jaemin ik we havent talked in a while and
you're probably not too happy with me but
do you have that white bra i really like
as soon as you sent the text, you practically threw your phone to the other side of the room. it took 15 minutes for a notification ping to come from your phone.
i think so. come over
you couldn't fight the smile forming on your face as you got up, grabbed your bag, and rushed out of the house.
you knew the directions to jaemin's frat house better than you knew your way around your childhood home. you rang the doorbell and bounced on your heels as you waited for someone to answer the door. you were met with the face of mark lee. "dude it's been so long," he said as he pulled you in for a hug. you returned the hug with a huge smile on your face, "it really has." out of everyone in the frat, mark had always been your favorite. you two became close through your late night cravings when you stayed the night with jaemin. mark was always up late, strumming his guitar in the living room as you made ramen. you would listen to him play, eventually growing into you eating in the living room as he told you stories about Canada and explained the meanings of each song he played on his guitar. "Is that yn?" another voice piped up. you pulled away from mark to look in the direction but were engulfed in another hug. you could recognize from the grasp the man had on you that it was haechan. he was another member of the frat you had a natural gravitation to. he had been your lab partner in your first year biology class but quickly became a close friend due to the amount of time you spent around the frat. mark and haechan were also the first to warn you about jaemin. you pulled away as he asked, "why are you here?" "why do you think?" you sighed out as you walked farther into the house. mark nodded, "figured. he's in his room." "I could treat you better. you need to leave him already," haechan whined. you just laughed as you walked up the stairs to his room.
you knocked on the door and pushed it open, not waiting for a response. jaemin was sitting on his bed but stood up when you walked in and said, "it's in the top drawer." you went over and opened it. it was the first thing at the top, along with a lipgloss you knew wasn't yours. you sighed as you picked up the bra and closed the drawer. you turned around and dropped the bra, nearly jumping back at the sight of jaemin so close to you. you tried to take a step back but bumped into the dresser. he held your chin with his thumb and index finger and lifted your head up until your eyes met his. "so jeno huh?" he smirked. you wanted nothing but to kiss the smug look off of his face, but you stayed strong, just nodding. "i'm not yours, jaemin," you moved away from his grasp and tried to move aside but he trapped you with his arms. "oh yea?" "yea. i was never yours to begin with."
jaemin moved some of your hair behind your ear. "you have quite the attitude now, princess." you could feel your resolve weakening with every inch he moved closer. all you could do was stare up at him. "no words now?" his nose was practically knocking into yours. you decided to close the gap, kissing him with as much force as you could muster. your hands found their way into his hair as his found their way to your hips. he picked you up and moved you to the bed, breaking the kiss. he was quick to move on top of you and pin your hands above you so you couldn't move. you squirmed in his grasp. "such a slut. fucking my friend and now wanting me?" he tsked. his kisses trailed down your neck to your collarbone. you let out whimpers and moans as he left love bites and hickeys all over. "jaem the door," you tried your best to free yourself of his grasp but his grip only got tighter. "what? don't want jeno to see how good I can fuck you?" he let go of your wrists so he could take off your top and bra. he was quick to rid himself of his own shirt. "gonna be a good girl?" he asked, leaving a soft kiss on your lips.
the kiss left you unable to speak, only nodding and staring at him. "use your words pretty girl," he tapped your cheek lightly. "gonna be a good girl," you whimpered out. his hands had found their way into your pants and his fingers were hovering over the wet patch on your panties. "does jeno get you this worked up," jaemin's fingers moved the thin material out of the way and slipped into you. "only you," you threw your head out as he moved in and out. he could feel the way you were clenching around him as he hit the gummy spot inside you with his index and middle finger. jaemin knew your body better than you knew your own so he could tell from the way you clenched around him you were close to your orgasm. he pulled his fingers out of you and you stared at him wide-eyed. "dont you think you deserve some punishment for being a slut? fucking my best friend and then coming back here. what would jeno think, pretty girl?" he pulled off your bottoms and moved down so that he was eye to eye with your clit. "jaem please," you whined as he kissed the inside of your thighs."have patience, princess," he said as he kissed your wet clit.
he flicked the bundle of nerves with his tongue as he started to suck and lick at it. jaemin always ate you out like a starved man. at first, you had been hesitant to let him after the bad experiences you had with your ex boyfriend but jaemin was quick to reassure you. you could feel your release coming quick again and you were a little embarrassed. you realized he was under the impression jeno had fucked you but in reality you hadn't been with another person since the last time you were with jaemin, which was around a month now. "close," you managed to get out, pulling at his hair and arching your back. "let go, princess. i got you," he pulled away for a moment to say but quickly got back to work. with those words, you allowed yourself to release all on his tongue. He continued to kiss and lick at your clit, overstimulating you. you pulled at his hair as you begged him to stop. it fell upon deaf ears as he continued to eat you out. jaemin knew if you really meant it, you would call out the safe word you two had made up around your second meeting. he continued to eat you out through your second release. he pulled away and made his way to your lips.
you pulled off his pants and boxers. "ready to repay the favor?" jaemin asked and sat on the edge of the bed. you nodded and rushed to your feet, only to drop to your knees in front of him. he tapped your lips with his cock in his hand and you happily opened up, taking his tip into your mouth. you could already taste the salty precum as you took more and more of him into your mouth. he threw his head back and let out low groans as you moved your head up and down his length. jaemin was never shy about the noises he made. it was another shock you got after being with him for the first time. he grabbed a handful of your hair and pushed your head down until you took in all of him. you gagged and dug your nails into his thighs as your throat adjusted to him. he waited a second before using the grip on you hair to move you again. you closed your eyes and focused on not gaging as he continued to use you. "eyes open, princess," he said between groans. you opened your eyes and stared up at him. the sight alone had him faltering in his grasp, allowing you to move on your own again. he came down your throat, and you pulled off him with a pop.
you climbed back onto the bed and laid down. jaemin moved on top of you and lined himself up, "ready? he never asked before he fucked you, so you hesitated a little before nodding. "we don't have to. i mean you can leave now if you want," jaemin was fumbling over his words as he rushed to get off of you. "please just fuck me already," you said, grabbing his hand. he smiled and kissed your nose, moving on top of you again and thrusting into you. he bottomed out and waited for you to adjust to him. you nodded, and he started to move. your nails dug into his back, and he lifted your legs to allow himself to move deeper into you. "jeno didn't fuck you this good huh, princess?" he said as he quickened his pace. "no one like you, jaem," you babbled out. you continued to babble his name as though it was the only word you knew. he hit your g-spot repeatedly, making you clench around him. your release hit you line a train, shaking and clenching around him. he was quickly behind you, opting to let out inside of you. he collapsed onto the empty spot next to you as both of you caught your breath. after a few minutes of silence, he broke it, "you should leave before jeno gets here."
"and I didn't even get my stupid bra I hate him," you screamed from your bed. karina sat on her bed across from you and chaewon was on the desk chair. "i cant believe you," chaewon groaned. "he's never made me leave right after sex before. what does he think i am? a piece of meat?" you cried. "yes!" the two yelled in unison. "you need to ignore him. block him on everything. he's no good for you," karina tossed her pillow at you. "i can't" you watched as the pillow dropped right in front of your bed. "give me ill do it," chaewon walked over to you and held her hand out. maybe a jaemin cleanse is what you need. you put your phone into her hand and fell back onto your bed. when she handed you the phone back, his number had been deleted, and any trace of him in your life was gone.
"she blocked me," jaemin yelled out. everyone around the table looked up at him. "which one?" chenle asked. there was some snickers from the other guys. "i'm not some common whore; what do you mean, which one," jaemin glared at the younger boy. jeno started laughing, hitting the table as he nearly choked on his food. jaemin switched his glare from chenle to jeno, "anyways. yn blocked me." "it's about time," haechan clapped. "it was bound to happen," jisung patted jaemin on the back. "you're all my biggest haters. i've done nothing wrong," jaemin went to check your instagram and noticed he was also blocked there."dude i mean you have led her on for a while now. girls are always blocking you, so why does it matter," mark asked. "it's different," jaemin sighed and placed his phone down. "how is it different?" the older male asked. "it just is." "so you like her?" jisung asked from beside him. "what happened?" renjun walked into the room, sitting on the other side of jaemin. "his crush blocked him," haechan responded. "oh yn?" renjun turned to jaemin who groaned and buried his head in his hands. "well dude, you fumbled, so now you need to find a way to get her back," chenle said as he stood up, excusing himself from the room.
it was hard to avoid jaemin when it seemed like he was everywhere you went. "he's doing it on purpose. just ignore him," chaewon said as she picked at her sandwich. "im trying, but it's hard when he's literally everywhere." the nerves from trying to avoid jaemin all day had severely affected your appetite. any glimpse of him had you feeling nauseous from anxiety. "think with your brain, not your pussy," karina scolded you. "what if i gave him one last chance," you whined. "be serious. he's been on his last chance for 10 chances now," karina hit you in the back of the head. "what good does he serve you anyway? and dont mention his dick," chaewon's question made you think for a moment. "see nothing," the black haired girl said. "he's nice to me," you pouted. "no he's nice to your vagina." "i need air," you said, standing up and walking out the cafeteria doors.
the school's campus had a lot of greenery. you always loved walks around the campus because of it. however you had no time to enjoy it as an all-too-familiar person walked up to you. you tried to walk faster, but he grabbed your wrist, keeping you in place. "please just talk to me," jaemin begged. you were about to give in, but decided it was finally time to stand your ground to the man, "let me go." "please. i didnt do anything wrong; please talk to me," jaemin begged. the sentence made your anger completely wash over you. "you didn't do anything wrong?" you laughed. "you never do anything wrong. leading me on for months is completely fine. so is treating me like your girlfriend and then telling me there's nothing serious between us? oh also fucking other girls but getting mad at me for even talking to another guy is completely okay too." "you had sex with jeno and i didn't say anything," jaemin tried to rebuttal, but you just scoffed at him. "i didn't. i didn't have sex with anyone. i went to that room and complained about you the whole time because i like you, jaemin. i've liked you since the moment i met you. but you're too much of an idiot to even realize what's going on in front of you. i'm done with your games, jaemin and i'm done being just another body," you turned on your heel and sped away from him. jaemin stood frozen in his place. the only thought that ran through his brain was that he fucked up big time.
you sat on your bed, crying into your hands. you sobbed from the anger you felt. his words echoed in your head. did he seriously think he did nothing wrong? did he really think screwing with your feelings was okay? you also sobbed from the sadness of it all. you missed him. you missed sitting on his bed as he helped you with chemistry homework. you missed the late night talks about the future and your lives, but the memories were overtaken by the anger of how you were just another girl to him.
"why did you tell me you two had sex?" jaemin yelled at jeno who was seated on his own bed. "i didn't tell you shit. you jumped to that conclusion on your own. all i said was, i went upstairs with her," jeno watched the brown haired man pace around the room, the scene all too familiar from the last time you were over to talk to jeno. "i'm such an asshole," jaemin groaned. "glad you've realized," jeno said, standing up and patting jaemin on the back. "it's going to take a while, but she'll come around. just don't screw it up in the meantime. which means stop fucking random girls every night." jaemin nodded in response. "i have class, but i'll try to talk to her after," and with that final word, jaemin was now alone in the shared bedroom. he laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. he definitely fucked up big time.
"babe whats wrong?" karina had walked into the room and was met with your figure bundled in layers of blankets and crying. "maybe i messed up," you wiped your eyes and moved over so she could sit on the edge of the bed. "messed up what?" she pushed some of the hair from in front of your face back. "with jaemin. i think i messed up," you cried harder as you told her what happened on the walk. she let out a soft sigh and pulled you into a hug, "listen. me and chae might give you shit about him, but if you're sitting here sobbing over him, then maybe there's things we don't know. if you like him this much then go for it. we'll support you." you sobbed into her shoulder and clung to her. "wanna go get ice cream from the cafeteria?" she asked. you pulled away and nodded.
it had been a week without contact with jaemin. to say it was hard on you was an understatement. you felt too embarrassed to unblock him and dm him like a normal person but every time you saw him in the cafeteria, you would feel a pull to talk to him. however whenever you started making your way over, he would walk away as if he had a fifth sense for your presence. "don't look now," chenle nudged jaemin at the table. jaemin looked up from his phone slightly and was met with you laughing with your friends at the table across from his. he didn't say anything and just looked back down at his phone. "she still has you blocked?" haechan asked. jaemin chose not to respond. the answer was already clear. haechan just groaned, "why can't you two just make up already?" I miss having her around." "no you miss someone doing the dishes," jeno sat down next to jaemin. "listen you just need to talk to her," jeno said. "i can't. she blocked my number and my instagram. how am i supposed to talk to her," jaemin put his phone down and put his head in his hands. "like a normal person. just walk up to her," mark chimed in. all jaemin could do was let out a groan and put his head down on the table.
it had now been a month since you cut jaemin out of your life. after that first week of regret, you started feeling better and better. you felt less on edge as the days went on. that's probably how you ended up at a frat party with chaewon and karina, who disappeared within the first few seconds. haechan had found you a few minutes into standing against a wall and pulled you into the kitchen, where the makeshift bar was set up. it had started with haechan making you do one shot with him. then mark walked in and you did one with the three of them. by the time you knew it, you had lost count of how much was in your system. you were stumbling around until you bumped into someone's broad chest. you looked up, and your eyes started to glaze over as your gaze met jaemins. you felt a tear slip down your cheek as the shocked look on his face only grew. you tried to get an apology out and move away from him but nothing came out. you tried to move back but stumbled over your feet. a strong arm wrapped around your waist, and a soft sigh was let out, "lets get you upstairs."
you were situated on jaemin's bed as he rummaged around for spare clothes for you. he pulled out an old t-shirt and pajama pants and laid them down next to you. "i'll turn around and close my eyes," jaemin said, facing the wall and shut his eyes, as to respect your privacy. it was a little ironic seeing as how many times jaemin saw you in your natural state. there was some rustling before you spoke up in a hushed tone, "can you help, please?" the quietness of your voice was something jaemin had never heard before. if it weren't for the silence of the room and the door drowning out the party downstairs, he would have never heard you. he turned around knelt on the floor in front of you. he slipped off your shoes and placed them on the floor next to the bed. he then undid your pants and slid them off you, replacing them with the pajama pants. he stood up and smiled as you lifted your arms up for him. he was quick to replace your disregarded shirt with the new one. as he folded the clothes and set them on the dresser, you spoke up again, "please dont leave me." your voice was shaky, and it broke jaemin to a million pieces to hear you so torn down because of him. "are you sure?" he turned to face you. "i need you to stay," a tear slipped down your cheek. he moved to pull you into a tight hug as you sobbed into his chest. you had fistfuls of his shirt as he stroked your hair, "i'm not going to leave, princess. not again. i promise." he whispered to you. eventually the sobs got quieter, and your breathing evened out. he laid you down on the bed, covering you with the cover. he was about to get up and move to jeno's bed until he realized you still had a handful of his shirt. so there he lay in his jeans and t-shirt with you cuddled into his chest and his arms wrapped around you as if you would fade to dust at any moment.
you woke up with a throbbing headache, but that was the least of your worries after you tried to shift around but couldn't move. you were too scared to open your eyes but you found the courage after you realized your arm was falling asleep. the first thing you saw was a chest. you followed it up and saw jaemin's sleeping face. you tensed up for a bit and quickly scanned your body, but you found yourself completely dressed. you relaxed, trying not to wake him up as you slowly wiggled out of his arms. his grip only gor tighter as his eyes fluttered open. he had a soft, peaceful look on his face as he tried to adjust to his surroundings. once he realized what was going on, he practically jumped out of bed. "i'm so sorry. i meant to sleep in jeno's bed i forgot," the apologies stumbled out of his mouth as you sat up and let out a laugh. "it's alright. we didn't do anything, right?" "no. of course not. you were drunk," jaemin ran his hand through his hair and began to fidget with his fingers. "we need to talk," you two both said at the same time.
"you first. i probably did enough talking last night," you could feel how sore your eyes were and assumed you had been crying, which also took you to the conclusion you let something spill. "yea you did and i'm sorry for being such an asshole. if you dont want to forgive me it's okay but i'm so sorry. you're the best thing to happen to me and i don't know how i fucked it up so bad," jaemin sat on the bed in front of you. "i forgave you a long time ago," you cupped jaemins cheeks in your hands, wiping the tears he didn't even know where coming out. "i'm so serious about you this time. please just give me another chance. ill treat you how you should be treated," jaemin put his forehead against yours. "and how should i be treated?" you asked. "like a work of art," jaemin's lips were ghosting over yours. "well show me how serious you are," you closed the space between you two.
the kiss was gentle, unlike all the others you two had shared. this one was slow, and nothing felt rushed. you could taste the fading vanilla of his chapstick as his lips moved rhythmically against yours. you pulled away but moved back with your arms wrapped around his neck. you pushed him back, and his hands met your waist. he pulled away, "we don't have to." "i want to," you said, moving on top of him to straddle him. "you sure?" "i've never been more sure in my life." he locked your lips again as his hands moved underneath your shirt. you broke the kiss so he could lift it over your head. he flipped the two of you over, taking off his shirt and then fumbling with your bra. he left open mouth kisses down your neck and towards your chest. he pulled away, "you're so beautiful." you could feel your face going red. this wasn't the first time he'd called you beautiful, but somehow it felt different. "i love you," the words slipped off your tongue as if it was a natural statement. jaemin smiled and kissed your forehead, "love you too." you smiled and started to pull at the button on his jeans. he helped you take them off along with his boxers and then took off your own pants and underwear.
he pecked your lips before sliding into you. the two of you let out matching groans as you fluttered around him. although you had told everyone you moved on from jaemin in the month the two of you weren't together, you found it hard to have sex without thinking of him so the stretch felt almost unnatural. you dug your nails into his back, eliciting another loud groan from him. "you can move," you said. he nodded and started to rock back and forth. he kept a gentle rhythmic pace. it was different from all the other times when he would drill into you with no care, moving hard and unsteady, just looking to chase his own high. he kissed you again, and he moved a little faster when you started to squeeze around him. you kissed him back, moaning into the kiss. you were close and he knew that. his hand traveled downward, rubbing circles into your clit with the pad of his thumb. you were first to come, leaving a white ring around his cock. he fucked you through the orgasm, pulling out and coming on your stomach when he felt it hit him.
he stood up, throwing on sweats and walked out. you threw your head back and sighed, thinking this was the same as all the other times you had been with jaemin. you were about to get up and gather your things when jaemin walked back in with a towel. he gave you a confused look and went over onto the bed. "lay back down. i got you," he said, cleaning you off with the towel as you let your head fall back onto the pillow. "i thought you were going to leave or kick me out like you always do," you were quiet, and jaemin could sense the sadness in your voice. "i told you yn. i'm serious about you. i want this to work," he threw the towel into his laundry bin and found an oversized shirt for you. he slipped it onto you and then laid next to you. you were hesitant to move closer to him, but he pulled you into his chest and kissed the top of your head. "i want you to trust me. i know i haven't been that trustworthy for a while but i need you to believe me." you looked up at him with a small smile on your face, "i trust you. i've trusted you for so long already."
you sat on your bed, recounting the events to karina and chaewon. both of them were speechless by the end of it. "so what happened after?" chaewon broke the silence. "we took a nap and when we woke up we had a talk on how we wanted to take things slow," you were giggling and kicking your feet on the bed. "even if we dont like jaemin that much we support you. this is the first time i've seen you come back from a hookup with that man with the weird post sex glow," karina said, making chaewon nod. "how do i usually look," you tilted your head, staring at the two across the room. after a moment of thinking chaewon responded, "like a bus hit you." you were about to argue with her until your phone lit up. you were quick to pick it up, seeing it was a text from jaemin.
meet you in the park in 10?
you were quick to text back
yea see you there
the days flew by and soon enough, they became weeks. you were walking hand in hand with jaemin around the dimly lit campus. he suddenly paused, making you stop and turn towards him with confusion written all over your face. "be my girlfriend," he was practically yelling from nerves. "jaem quiet; it's nighttime," you scolded him, your voice hushed. you then processed what he had asked you, "wait what?" "be my girlfriend," he repeated. you tackled him into a hug, kissing all over his face. he caught you in his arms, stumbling back a little, "is that a yes?" you nodded and left a kiss on his lips, which he happily returned. so much for being casual.
#nct jaemin#jaemin imagines#na jaemin#jaemin smut#jaemin#nct smut#nct dream#nct scenarios#na jaemin smut#jaemin scenarios#jaemin drabbles#nct dream smut#nct dream drabbles#nct dream scenarios
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“i love you, i love you, you’re the fucking love of my life baby, you’re perfect, wanna be with you forever,” paige says to me, kissing my neck while we lay naked in her bed. she never really says this stuff, only after we’ve fucked and she’s itching to go another round. i always cave. “mhmmm, paigey, i love you, please touch me,” she touches me, does what i want, then holds me close to her naked body and falls asleep, mumbling how she’ll never leave. I fall asleep, because she’s a warm body and i love her. she’s the love of my life.
I jolt up from a dream. a dream of a baby with two moms, one blond and one with my face. it wasn’t real, it never is, but after dreams like this it makes me hurt on the inside. i turn over to muffle the silent sniffs that always come from the empty feeling dreams like this leave behind. the body next to me moves, and a cool hand comes up to brush my cheek.
“baby.”
“paige.”
“what’s wrong? did i do something? can i help?”
i sniff, then curl against her, expressing, “i need a baby.”
she looks at me for a moment, perplexed, then kisses my forehead.
“you’re so tired darling, go back to bed”
hm.
paige gets back from practice at normal time, but she isn’t acting as normal as she usually does. normally she’s excitable and tells me all about the shots she made, the plays she set, everything. today she’s just here. my phone lights up, with a text from ashlynn shade of all people. i rarely talk to her. i go to the bathroom to open it, because maybe paige shouldn’t read it.
i read the first message and sink to the floor, back pressed to the wall.
ash shade
hey. i think you should know that paige keeps saying…things about you.
what kind of things???
ash shade
well, she talks about how you’re always going on about wanting to settle down, get married, have kids. and she said that “you’re the love of her life. she just doesn’t want that. not now, not ever”
paige gets over her mood later, and we do our usual dance around the obvious issues. she pretends not to notice my faked enthusiasm, and i pretend not to notice the fact that she never once tells me i’m the love of her life. when she falls asleep, i don’t. i wonder when she’ll break up with me. it has to happen soon, there’s no chance it won’t. i’m taken back to the first conversation we had, where she told me that if sex with me was half as good as talking to me was, then soon enough we’d be pushing strollers. but i guess that’s over.
“cmon bro, don’t fucking be like that,” paige taunts me, rolling her eyes at my words.
“don’t you dare bro me, paige. i have a right to be fucking mad, you’re shit talking me to your teammates then coming home and banging me like i’m some one night stand! how about you stop being like this,” i scoff, spitting venom at her words.
“well bro, if you need to know because you’re so insecure that you can’t stand someone saying anything about you, the team asked how we were doing and i told them we wanted different things. fair enough.”
“if we want different things, there’s no point in staying together when we both know where this is going to end.”
“Fine. fuck you and fuck your rings and your cradles.”
“Fuck you,” i say, finalizing what had been brewing since we turned on the fire.
paige leaves, slamming the door and shouting profanities. i lock the door, turn around, and stand in our my bedroom. her hoodie is on the floor. her hoodie is in my arms. she’s the loss of my life.
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Gurll, lavender is my go-to reread everytime. Ig u are taking requests (😂🫶🏻), I would really like to see how Joel found out Doc was pregnant of Sylvie and those sweet pregnancy exchanges - like him being worried (‘cause in the original we skip the whole pregnancy). 😎
OMG Hi Bestie!!!
So you'll see some of this in Girl Dad, a canon one shot I did for Doc's birthday back in October. You see some of Doc panicking about Sylvie on her birthday because she's never made it further in a pregnancy and her birthday has just such an awful personal history for her and Joel loves her through it. We also see Joel being just a precious father to his newest baby girl.
BUT... here's some more of the pregnancy for you ❤️
Expecting
20 years after your first pregnancy, you find yourself expecting again. Things are a bit different this time. A Lavender Drabble.
Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader from Lavender
Warnings: Pregnancy. Smut adjacent. No use of y/n. 18+ only Minors DNI
Length: 2k
September 2, 2024
The first time you threw up, Joel was on patrol.
It's not like you'd gotten your period since the two of you had started trying but you didn't put much stock in that. You'd never been regular and you were nearing menopause now. Missing a period or two was hardly monumental.
But the nausea the morning you woke up alone was.
You rocketed to the bathroom, doubling over the toilet, everything left in you from the night before coming up.
"Shit," you whispered, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand as your stomach still churned.
You knew this feeling. It had been a long time but you knew it.
And you knew you should be happy about it. It wasn't like last time. You and Joel were together now. Not just together, you were married. Things were secure - as secure as they could be in the apocalypse, anyway - and you were trying for this.
But it was still the apocalypse.
It was no small part of you that thought this wasn't going to happen. That you were going to try and try and then menopause would kick in and you'd never have a child you made with Joel. You'd resigned yourself to that a long time ago, that you'd never be a mother to someone that grew inside of you, never raise someone that you'd brought into being through love. You had Ellie who was your child in every way that mattered and that was more than enough.
But you were pregnant. You were sure of it. And you should have been happy about that - thrilled, in fact. Part of you was. The rest of you was terrified.
What had you been thinking? Bringing a child into this destroyed world? Would Joel even still want this now that it was real and not some imagined, idealized thing on the distant horizon? How were you supposed to protect a baby from the horrors of this reality? Even here in Jackson there was fear and risk and you'd gone and done this on purpose.
You didn't tell anyone, though the nurses at the clinic could tell you were off all day. You assured them that you were fine while trying not to panic. What if Joel changed his mind? What if, when faced with the reality of it, he didn't want to bring a baby into this world?
You threw up again that afternoon, the sickening feeling hanging around after everything came back up and you tried not to cry.
Joel got home after Ellie was already in bed that night, his patrol keeping him out late. You were pacing the kitchen when you heard the front door open and close quietly, the squeak of the floorboards under his heavy boots.
"Baby?" He frowned poking his head into the kitchen. "What're you still doin' up, it's late..."
"I know," you smiled a little, looking him up and down and taking stock to make sure he was still in one piece. "I'm glad you're back."
He smiled back, coming all the way into the kitchen to take you in his arms and kiss you, gentle and deep.
"You and me both," he said. "Gettin' too old to be sleeping rough like that, feel like I did my time with that shit getting out here..."
You laughed a little and nuzzled into him, breathing in the sweaty, woodsy scent of him.
"What's wrong, baby," he whispered, his arms enveloping you totally, holding you against him. "Can tell you got somethin' on that big brain of yours."
You pulled back from him just enough to see his face, his arms still holding you loosely. His face was smeared with dirt, the grime of the trail and sweat on his skin and his eyes were soft and warm and like home.
"I'm pregnant," you said softly. Those eyes got wider. "I know we've been trying but... It's real now and..."
"You're pregnant?" He breathed, stepping back from you, his hands going to your shoulders. You nodded, tears stinging the corners of your eyes. "Oh Baby..."
He took your face in his hands and kissed you again, so hard you could taste the passion on his tongue.
"Really?" He asked, his eyes searching yours as he pulled back from you and taking your shoulders again. You just nodded again, your heart pounding. "Fuck, that's... that's amazing, we're gonna... Baby, you're pregnant!"
"Yeah," you laughed a little. "Yeah, I am... You're happy?"
"Happy?" He laughed back. "Baby, I'm... I'm so far beyond fuckin' happy that word don't even begin to cover it."
He got to his knees in front of you, his hands on your hips, sliding around to cradle the small of your back as he looked lovingly at your stomach.
"You're pregnant," he said, awed, almost to himself. He pressed a kiss to you, over your womb, before one of his hands came to hold you reverently there. "Our baby is in you, right now."
"Yeah," you smiled, voice wet. "Yeah, they are."
"That's amazing," he whispered before looking up at you. "You're amazing, you're the most amazing thing I've ever seen..."
You ran your fingers through his curls before cupping his cheek.
"Thank you," you said, your whole being feeling lighter now, knowing that he was really in this with you.
"For what?" He asked, getting to his feet and pulling you against him again. "You're the one doin' all the work."
You smiled a little.
"For wanting this with me," you said quietly. "I was afraid... I'm still afraid. But we can do this."
"We can do this," he echoed you, kissing your temple. "You, me, Ellie, this baby. We're a family. We can do this."
You put a palm over your womb again, cradling where the child you'd made with Joel was growing inside you.
He was right. You could do this.
But things were different after that.
Joel hovered. It reminded you a bit of when he first came to the QZ, back when he thought his fear was something he could push past if he just got close enough. You’d be working at the clinic, turn around to pick something up and then Joel would be there. You’d be relaxing on the couch and decide you needed a cup of water and, the second you started to move, he was up instead asking what you needed.
“I’m perfectly capable of getting my own drink, you know,” you said a two months after you’d told him you were pregnant and Joel had damn near held you down instead of letting you go to the kitchen. “Also capable of walking to the mess hall on my own, making my own lunches…”
“All the work you’re doin’ growing my baby, I should do something,” he replied, bringing you a glass of water. “Seems like this is the least of it.”
You might have believed him if it wasn’t for the other things, too.
You’d become insatiable during pregnancy, all but demanding sex at least once if not twice a day. You couldn’t get enough of Joel but he seemed to be able to get enough of you.
It was close to Christmas when you finally brought it up, Joel’s hands more gently roaming over your skin rather than with any desire or need.
“We don’t have to do this if you’re not interested, you know,” you said, hoping you didn’t sound too desperate.
Joel frowned, looking over your face for a moment.
“What?” He sounded completely puzzled. “Why would I not be interested?”
“I know I look different now,” you ran a hand over your growing bump and took a deep breath. “It’s OK if you’re not as attracted to me at the moment…”
“In what fuckin’ universe am I not attracted to you?” He asked, his eyebrows knitting together. “Baby, if I could spend the rest of my damn life inside you, I’d be a happy man.”
Your confusion must have shown because he brushed your hair back before adjusting your face to look at him.
“What’s goin’ on,” he asked gently. “Why are you saying this stuff.”
“You don’t touch me like you used to,” you said quietly, hoping you didn’t sound too wounded by it. “And it’s OK if you don’t want me like that right now, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t really want and…”
“Baby,” he cut you off. “I’m gonna stop you right there. I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted you more than I do right now. Not when I first met you and you were some hot young thing, not when you first got off the plane to come visit, not when I first saw you again in the QZ. Seeing you grow our baby is the most beautiful, most sexy thing in the damn world, don’t go thinking otherwise.”
“Oh,” you frowned. “Then… I don’t understand. What’s going on?”
“I just…” he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before looking at you again, a pained look on his face. “I’m scared, baby. I’m scared in a way I ain’t been since we came to Jackson.”
“Joel,” you whispered, running your fingers through his hair. “We’re OK here, we’re safe here…”
“I know,” he said. “You’re safe from infected and you’re safe from raiders but… baby, what if you get hurt? You’re the doctor here, what if something happens to you or the baby? What if there isn’t someone who knows how to save you? What if I do somethin’ to you on accident, what if I’m too rough because I’m caught up in touching you the way I want? I can’t risk that, baby, I can’t.”
“Oh Joel,” you breathed, pressing yourself closer. “You’re not going to hurt us. I promise, you’ve never been too rough with me. If something doesn’t feel right I’ll tell you but it’s OK. We’re safe. You’re safe.” You guided his hand to your breast, his large palm curving around the soft flesh. “And I want you to touch me, really touch me. Please.”
He was cautious at first, hesitant. Now that you knew he was afraid, it was easier to see it on his face and feel it in his touch. But you guided him through it, holding his hand, reassuring him, until he was lost in you and things felt right for the first time in months.
You learned how to head things off after that. When he would appear in the clinic, you would give him a kiss and tell him how you were feeling. If the baby was moving, you’d guide his hand to your stomach to let him feel them alive inside you. When you needed something at home and could see that he was restless and distracted by worry, you’d ask him for help. You started meeting him at the gates after patrol so he could see you and touch you as soon as he was back, feeling how he relaxed when his hands were on you.
When you went into labor, though, you were worried. You knew he was afraid but then, so were you. You were afraid not just of what could happen, of how it would hurt under the best of circumstances, but of how to help Joel through it, too.
But he sensed what you were doing right away, so in tune with you now. He climbed into the bed behind you, pulling you back so your head was resting on his chest.
“Don’t you dare worry about me,” he said, kissing the crown of your head. “I’ve got you, baby. Got both of you.”
You smiled a little as the contraction eased and he held you a little tighter.
“I know you do,” you relaxed into the firm, strong body of your husband. “I know.”
#fanfic#joel miller x female reader#kit answers#send asks#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x oc#lavender#lavenderversary
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𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 ✧ ����. 𝒄.
pairing: ex!rafe cameron x f!reader
warnings: angst, physical injuries, blood (it's brief), objetification of reader (not by rafe).
word count: 1,1k
the vibrating sound of your phone on the bedside table startles you a bit. even with your vision blurry, you manage to read rafe’s name shining on the screen. it’s late, the clock marks fifteen past two, and getting a call from him at this time is worrying, but fighting the fatigue, you answer his call.
“hello?”
“it’s me. you home?” his tone is urgent, which worries you even more. he’s definitely in trouble.
“why?”
“are you home or not?”
“yes, rafe. why are you calling me?”
“i’m at your door and i need your help right now.”
he hangs up abruptly and you sigh, anticipating yet another stressful interaction with rafe. it’s in situations like these that you wonder why you gave him the time of the day for almost a whole year of your life.
rafe is trouble, and you want none of it.
you quickly get up and head to the entrance of your small house. small, but yours. all the furniture, even if it is second-hand, is yours, as it was bought with your money, earned with a lot of sweat, something rafe will never understand.
as soon as you open the door, you come across a bruised and bloody rafe, which scares you. before you can say anything, he enters your house and sits on the tiny couch.
the scene is deplorable.
“rafe! what- what the hell happened to you?!”
“been in a fight, alright? i just can’t come back home looking like this.”
“in a fight with who?”
“i doesn’t matter. just help me.”
you sigh, tired and irritated. rafe is difficult to deal with. he beats the others out of tiredness and that is irritating. you go to the bathroom and grab a small bag with first aid items, and return to the living room right away, sitting next to him on the couch.
he winces when you pat the cotton ball on his bruises, but you don’t feel bad at all. this is what he deserves. you avoid looking him in the eye while you’re cleaning his face up. you know you can’t resist his baby blues.
you take his hands in yours. the contrast of size is beautiful, somehow. his huge, calloused hands with golden rings have always been attractive. his knuckles are red and quite swollen. you clean his hands up and only hear rafe’s huffs when he feels the sting of the rubbing alcohol. you might be doing that on purpose.
very quickly, you put some bandaids where you find necessary and bandage his hand up, where it’s swollen.
“all done.”
“thank you.”
oh, he knows the magic words. you know you’ll regret it, but you have to ask.
“what happened, rafe?”
he sighs and leans back, taking a deep, exhaustive breath.
“it doesn’t matter, y/n. it’s solved, it’s done.”
“you woke me up in the middle of the night, came over unannounced and made me patch you up. i deserve to know what the fuck happened and if i’m in trouble.”
“you’re not in trouble.” he clarifies, as he passes his fingers over the gauze on his hand. “one of barry’s friends said some weird shit about you.”
“who said what?” you frown.
you never really liked barry, let alone his “friends”. they’re beyond shady and you hate how rafe keeps them in his life.
“you don’t want to know.” you cock an eyebrow and rafe sighs once again, defeated. “babe, it’s inappropriate, don’t make me repeat it.”
babe. you forgot how much you loved when rafe called you sweet nicknames. yes, rafe is an overall asshole, but he isn’t all bad, you have to admit it. the thing is that he actively lets his bad side take over, and you can’t handle that.
“say it.”
“it was bryan. he, um… he said he… um…”
“say it, rafe.”
“he said he hoped to be the next in line to be inside your c-”
“okay, i get it.” you feel like crying and throwing up, but you maintain your composure. “he said that because he wanted to get to you, rafe, that’s all. i’ve never even spoken to him.”
you don’t know why you’re explaining yourself to rafe, but you feel like you have to. for some reason, you don’t want him to think you’re a slut that fucks every guy. deep down, you want rafe to realize he lost something really great, but that day may never come.
“i know, i’m not worried about that.” he says. “i just don’t want him near you.”
“rafe-”
“i know we’re not together anymore, and i swear i’m not being controlling, but bryan is bad and i don’t want him near you, ever. okay?”
“okay.”
after your response, rafe seems to relax a bit. he closes his eyes and his smug makes a comeback.
“you should’ve seen his face. what a bitch.”
you roll your eyes and chuckle.
“thank you for defending me, but really, let them talk. they just want to get to you.”
“now they know what happens when they speak of you.”
there’s a brief moment of silence between you both; it’s comfortable.
rafe seems tired, and you really don’t want him to leave, but you know it’s not going to end well if he stays over.
it’s been over four months since the definitive breakup and you’ve tried to go no contact with rafe, but it’s hard because you live in the same place, you have the same friends and rafe never wanted to stop talking to you.
“i still feel like i need to protect you,” he says, breaking the silence.
you lay next to him, your faces being so close, your noses are almost touching. this is dangerous territory, but you don’t care at this point. you touch his cheek so softly, he closes his eyes again.
he leans in, trying to get to your lips, and they touch briefly, before you lean back, effectively rejecting his kiss.
“i think you should go.”
rafe stares at you, clearly hurt. he gets up from your couch and leaves.
if you could, you would do everything necessary to make this relationship work, but that means changing rafe completely, and you don’t know if you’re in love with rafe, or are resigned to the crumbs of kindness he gives you.
no relationship should survive on small moments of love, and you’re no longer satisfied by the thrill of having a good moment with rafe.
when you broke up with him, he begged you for another chance, but you had already given him a thousand chances. you’ve played this game before and you ended up hurt and slightly traumatized.
you can’t change rafe and he doesn’t want to help himself, so there’s nothing left for you to do.
i love feedback, tell me your thoughts! <3
#my writings#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron oneshot#rafe cameron imagine#outer banks#drew starkey#drew starkey x you#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey oneshot#drew starkey imagine
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Hi!! I saw your post about being open to req's and was wondering if you could do a yandere jjk x reader one!
Snow leopard hybrid gojo would not leave my mind and i've been rotating a scenario in my head about reader smelling a bit too much of other men. But they aren't dating and gojo's is starting to go insane about it and so confronts reader bout it.
i mean you could do it without satoru being a hybrid, i don't really mind. i'm just craving for a yan gojo rn
I AM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE
HOLY SHIT- SCHOOL SUCKS
BUT I'M ALMOST DONE YAY
Warnings: slightly possessive Gojo, crappy writing, maybe full on possessive Gojo, Gojo having a scent kink thing, so mdi (?) 18+ (?), Gojo really loving your smell and but also calling you smelly (I’m scening a slight theme with my writing…)
As always lmk if I miss anything and this isn’t proof read so grammar mistakes 🫶
———-
Fem reader!
‘Jesus Christ I want to quit my job’ was all that was running through my head as I walked up the sets to my home, my feet crying out for relaxation after the horrible treatment of a 9-hour shift. All I want to do right now is to curl up in my bed and cry.
I open my front door, and at the same time, my phone starts to ring off. Huffing I close the door and set down my bag, I awkwardly shuffle through my pockets to see ‘Gojo’ lighting up my screen. An exaggerated sign escapes my lips as I answer the call. “Hello?” My horse voice spoke out, “I’m coming over! I see you off of work” a very happy Gojo responded to me, I looked down at my disgusting work clothes and the overall quality of how I felt, “Gojo- look, I don’t feel like hanging-“ “Great! I’ll be over in 5 minutes.” Was all I heard before the abrupt sound of the call being hanged up. I roughly made my way to my bathroom, if Gojo is coming over might as well look decent.
The thing with Gojo is, that he has been becoming increasingly clingy to me. Especially knowing days when I have work it’s almost as if there’s some sort of thing growing inside himself. I tend to brush him off whenever he buries his head into the crook of my neck, his long lengthy arms curled tightly around my stomach, or when he invites himself to stay the night but insists that I wear his clothes. I brush it off as Gojo being himself as he is usually very overly touching with everyone in his life- but sometimes- sometimes, it feels a little off.
I sighed as I heard my front door opening and closing I wrapped a large towel around my body. I run my fingers through my wet hair as I cringe at it being tangled up. I slip on an old hoodie and a pair of shorts, using the towel to dry my hair I set out of the bathroom and I’m immediately pushed against the wall nearby. My vision gets clouded by a mop of white hair and twitching light grey ears, as Gojo buries his head into the crook of my neck.
“Mm-Gojo!” I yelp in surprise as I place my hands on his solid chest trying to move him off of me
Keyword: trying
Gojo slips his hands down my arms, creating goosebumps in his wake as he grabs my hands with his own and places them around his midsection. His own hands find home on my hips as I feel an aggressive sign flow out of him. “M’ not Gojo, it’s ’Toru to you” his voice is horsed, and Gojo buries his head more into my neck- if that’s even physically possible. “You smell like other guys.” Gojo bluntly says,
I raise my eyebrows at him, my hands are mindlessly playing with his Snow White hair. “What do you mean ‘Toru?” I ask, the man-child before me lets out a groan. He raises his head from my neck and stares at me with his ocean-blue eyes. My heartbeat picks up as I feel my face heat up. Wordless Gojo tilts his head to the side, his eyes turn to something more obsessive. His pale hands travel up my body to cup my face, the air in my lungs gets stuck in there.
“You smell. Every day, every single day you always smell and it’s driving me insane.” He leans into me, our lips inches apart as his eyes dart down to my lips. “You should only smell like me, only be with me. I can give you so much baby.” His right-hand caresses the side of my face. I shake my head
“ ‘Toru you..” I let out a shaky sigh “You don’t want-“ “I know exactly what I want baby.” Gojo cuts me off, his breath growing more aggressive.
His lips move to the shell of my ear. “I want, no- need you baby. I need it so badly you don’t even know the depth of it” he whispers in my ear as he goes back to face me. “You need me to, I’ll prove it to you.” I nodded my head, allured to the words Gojo was feeding me, our lips connected as he immediately pressed the kiss. His arms cage me against this wall. My knees feel like they are going to give out.
“I’m going to show you just how much I need you baby.”
—————
A/n: this isn’t really that yandere, kinda forgot about that while writing this LMAO
#astromaxi#jujutsu kaisen#please please please#jjk satoru#jjk x reader#yandere jjk#jjk gojo#jjk asks#jjk x you#jjk fanfic#gojo x y/n#jujutsu gojo#gojo x reader#gojo saturo#gojou satoru x reader#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#gojo smut#gojo x you#hybrid#shitty writing#pls help#going to sleep now
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Murderer POLY 141 x kidnapped reader
Part two of this
They all seemed to enjoy it at first but the longer they spent playing this “game” the more real it got. Their psychotic brains confusing obsession with “love”. No they didn't love you. At least, that's what they told themselves every day as they fucked your brains out. It was hard to just stay with one guy when they seemed to be forcing their ways into your life.. And you.
So instead you wanted to “discuss” the truths with all of them. You couldn't live in a lie, you either tell all of them or none of them and let them find out. The latter option was least desirable.
So you sent them a message, a quick meetup at a private joint 3 blocks down. A perfect underground cafe you always were fond of. The mood, the music, and the secrecy. Barely anyone knew about the place.
“Be there at 8, don't be late!”
You were scared sure, but what would go wrong?
—
Your hands fidgeted at the hem of your top. You couldn't help the jittery feeling racing through your body.
“Its going to be okay”
You whispered to yourself, trying to catch your quaking breath. Why was this so hard for you!? Its not like they were in love..
It was too late to back down anyway as you descended the steps toward the dim light. The air was thicker then usual, a familiar smell flooded the area.. It was overwhelmingly strong but you brushed it off.
The door opened with a chime, and the smell got stronger. It wasn't rotten.. But more ash-like. A strong burning smell with a mix of..
“Hey!”
You spot the group on the wall near the fireplace. They seemed to be getting along, chatting like they knew each other forever.
“What took ya so long” Gaz scooted over, setting the large black bag onto the ground.
“Should’ve came later, we were setting bets on how long it’ll take”
“Pay up soap, she came 10 minutes late, I win” ghost nudged Soap’s elbow, holding his hand out for the money.
“Stop playing around, the little lady here clearly got something important” Price stared at you calmy, he seemed to be the only one giving a shit-
You giggled at the sight. All of them seemed so close, it would be easy to assume they were friends from a glance.
“Do you guys know each other? Cause that would make this a lot.. Uhm worse”
“Course we know each other luv, we’ve been friends since.. Shit how long’s it been?”
Ghost leaned back, crossing his arms against his chest. Fuck this was going terribly.
“Cant remember”
Soap shrugged, taking another swish of his water, ice cubes clinking on the side.
“I guess we can talk about this over some food..”
You look around, finally realizing the place was quiet. Completely empty. The counter had no one behind it, the kitchen was silent and no one occupied any other booth. They looked at you, all smiles and rainbows, like nothing was wrong.
The air became thicker.. The fire burned brighter, dropping sparking ashes across the floor. They seemed oddly happy, I mean oddly happy like they didn't notice the place was a dead zone.
“So why’d you tell us to come here” Gaz slipped a hand over your shoulder, which didn't surprise anyone like you thought.
You clear your throat, reaching for your bag to pull out your phone. Yes you decided to write some notes on your phone to prepare.
“So.. Uhm you se-”
You look down at your purse, slipping your fingers into the smaller pockets.. Before noticing a small object at the front of your shoes. You realize the white material on the tip of leather was a surprising red.
“I wanted to..”
Your sentences were cut short as you slowly slipped your foot back.. A small puddle of blood smeared across the floor beneath where your shoes were.
“Go to the bathroom first!”
You smile, quickly standing up with your phone in your hand. You giggle awkwardly and calmly walk towards the lady's room. Quickly opening the door and gently closing it before you run to the sink. Your face flushed pale, as you feel yourself gag.
“A.. A TO- Tooth”
You scream impulsively.. Immediately covering your mouth with your hands. You watch the door through the mirror, praying none of them heard.
You look down at your shoe, it wasn't a hallucination, the blood still seeping into the leather, leaving a thin trail of drying blood across white tiles. You grab at your throat, trying to calm your breathing. No ones here. The staff. Cashier. Waiter. No one. No one is here.
You look to the door, only option was to book it right? The burning smell seeped through the doorway.. As you finally realize what that smell was.
The smell of Flesh
You run to the bathroom door, slamming it open..
“Hello princess.. All ready?”
#cod#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#captain price#captain john price#gaz cod#gaz x reader#soap x reader#soap mactavish#poly 141#price x reader#cod x reader
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ORANGE COLORED SKY 🏜️ || The Ghoul x Fem!Reader
𐚁⊹₊ ⋆☆
AHHHH! The first chapter is getting so much love and attention! I can’t believe it- This is making me cry! I love you all so, so much! SUMMARY: After two hundred years of some much needed beauty sleep, reader wakes up and realizes she has been given a second chance at life.. only to look like a piece of scorched summer sausage.
TW: GORE + GHOUL CANNIBALISM? + A BRIEF MENTION OF A “BIG IRON” 🔫
og gif made by: @lousolversons
“Don’t they know it’s the end of the world..”
“..‘Cause you don’t love me anymore.”
As your limp body fell to the brown, dead grass beneath you, you look up at that disgusting orange sky with such hatred and contempt before — Darkness. Nothing but darkness shrouded your senses alongside Death’s eery, cold chill.. At least death provided some relief for your decrepit, burnt body.
You finally felt.. free. Free from life’s fleshy binding that attached you to the mortal plane. Free from life’s troubling trails and tribulations that would’ve dragged like heavy chains on your body until the weight of them became too much. Free from pain, free from suffering, free from fear — Free from the horrible world itself.
…Until some asshole decided to turn the damn lights back on.
You woke up with a loud gasp and almost immediately, the pain of hunger and thirst was overwhelmingly evident in your facial expression. “Fuck- W- Water..” Like a zombie who was ran over by an 18 wheeler, you stood up on your little “Bambi” legs and looked around the wasteland that surrounded you. Nothing but patches of dead grass, cracked and crumbled dirt, and the occasional tumbleweed was all that you could see — Besides the dilapidated remains of Mr. Shit-Stain’s house.
“..How the hell is this thing still standin’?” You rasped out as you fumbled towards the tumbledown remnants of the house, the P.O.S. glass shard still sticking out of your leg like an annoying family member that never wanted to leave when it’s Christmas- or any holiday for that matter. Carefully stepping over the pieces of glass, you cautiously entered the house through the large broken windows and looked around what used to be a living room. Some things were still standing, like the couch, the television (minus the ginormous crack its screen had), and one of the most rinky dink coffee tables you have ever fuckin’ seen. “..Pretty sure ‘Bobby’ picked that shit out-”
You cut yourself off by letting out a much needed laugh and after a few minutes of laughing and snickering like a hippie high on mary jane, you staggered on over to the kitchen.. and that’s when you saw your saving grace- THE FRIDGE! Somehow, that piece of metal was the only thing unscathed from that damn blast! You thanked the heavens for this one of a kind gift that you most definitely deserved and you opened it to find-!
…A shit ton of mold and one dead and pretty large roach. “…After all I’ve fuckin’ gone through, I am gifted THIS?! THIS IS WHAT I GET?!” After kicking the fridge door shut, you went to pinch the bridge of your nose only to find out that you no longer had one. That’s when you finally looked down at your hand and your arm. With your heart now starting to collide with your ribcage, you quickly inspected both of your arms and then both of your legs, noticing how one of your arms was more skeletal than the rest of your limbs. “No, no, no, no..!”
You quickly ran around the decayed bits and pieces of the house until you finally found what used to be a bathroom. Immediately gazing into the shattered mirror, you saw how your once beautiful and youthful face had now become twisted, corrupt — grotesque, if you will. On one side of your face, it resembled shattered porcelain and your eye was milky white.. the other side was just a burning memory of what you used to be.
After a few minutes of pulling yourself together, and pulling that damn piece of glass out of your leg, you finally ventured out of the house and back to the “wild, wild west” of Lost Angeles (see what I did there?), and began your little adventure to find something to eat and at least a pond to drink out of. As you hobbled around the wastelands of an already wasteland-like city, you finally stumbled upon the rotting “corpse” of someone who looked just like you. He had the same red, fleshy blotches all over his face and his entire body, and his nose was missing as well. You guessed it was some type of peculiarity people like you shared.. well goddamn-
But something else about him struck a tender little chord in your hungered state.. His chest cavity was busted wide open, like the doors of a Golden Corral on a Sunday afternoon. Your mouth started to salivate, your stomach started to rumble, an animalistic growl spewed from your vocal cords.. and you ran as fast as your legs could, despite your leg that was still in its healing process. Once you were right next to the decaying and rotting body, you quickly dropped down to your knees and began to feast.
Dark, thick blood covered your hands, your chin, and those sweet lips of yours as you stuffed your mouth with that man’s flesh and what remained of his organs that once nestled underneath his ribcage. The only thing that was left whole was his heart.. his delicious, succulent heart. Slowly, you lifted his blackened heart out from his body and began to suck the little bit of blood that dripped out from the aorta, lapping it up as if it were the best water you have ever drank.
“Oh, sweet heavens above!” -were the first words you have uttered in a hot minute when you finally had your hunger satisfied — your thirst quenched by your newfound animalistic appetite for flesh and blood. “..Fuck- Thanks for your help, sir.” As you stood up and wiped your bloodied hands on your top, you heard the familiar sound of a gun getting cocked.. Well shit-
“Hold it right there, missy.” That voice.. That southern twang.. That teeny tiny lisp that’s barely noticeable unless you really listen.. You quickly whipped your head around, but instead of seeing your beloved cowpoke with those sweet dimples you love oh-so much, you saw someone who merely looked like him. You let out an audible gulp and reached your skeletal hand out towards the creature’s face, but he stepped back in response.
“..Cooper?”
“..Y/N?”
Your vision slowly began to fade in and out and the one to catch your collapsing body was that sweet, tender man you knew and fell so deeply in love with before The End. “I got you, missy.. I got you.” Were the last words you heard before you finally gave into the darkness once more. The Ghoul cradle you close and tight to his chest — Oh, how he craved feeling your comforting warmth against his own once more. How he yearned to hear your sweet, gentle voice again. How he ached to gaze into those kind eyes of yours; those pools of life that he had to be careful with because he didn’t want to drown in them.
Now, he’s finally got you safe in his arms..
..Or does he?
———————
I apologize for this chapter being shorter than the first one so consider this chapter 1.5! I was a little busy today with some personal stuff but you all asked so kindly and I hope you all liked this one as much as the first one!
TAG LIST: @lexiway121 @onyxclown @hellolettuce444 @leo4242564 @minaxcarter @a-case-of-attachment @hiddenworld666 @looneylooomis @sunnexaltation @coolrobloxkid28 @enaelyork @foggyturtleknightangel @ghcstvibess @haleymaccosplay @classaysstuff
#the ghoul#the ghoul fallout#the ghoul fanfic#the ghoul x you#the ghoul x reader#cooper howard#cooper howard fanfiction#cooper howard x you#cooper howard x reader
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Toji meeting your parents
Toji meeting your parents
He didn't want to meet your parents, he didn't even want to think about it.
Just like any kind of boyfriend, He felt tensed and nervous about it.
Ever since you brought that topic, he kept telling you he was busy with missions.
He made sure that his missions collided with the days your parents either visit or when you bring up him meeting your parents.
He knew for sure your parents would never like him, he's a old man who gambles and kills people. AND he lives in the streets before he moved in with you into your apartment.
After some time you noticed that Toji had really become avoidant about the topic of meeting your parents, you wanted to talk to him.
"Toji, Can we talk?" You spoke as he froze in his spot, It can only mean one thing to Toji.
And that is headaches, He hates talks like these it stresses him out.
He sighed as he followed you to the bedroom.
"Toji-" "Yeah, I don't wanna meet em." He interrupeted you.
"Why?" You asked, "You know why." He replied.
You sighed, "Don't be like that Toji"
"But, I am like this." He said
"Toji, I'm the one with you, not my parents I love you for who you are. The reason why I want to introduce you to them is because, I want my parents to meet the man I love. And even if they don't like you, I do and I don't care what they say, If it makes you uncomfortable I understand it, I won't force you." You said as you hugged him.
"No one can stop me from loving you." You whispered to him as you kissed him goodnight.
After that talk Toji stayed awake that entire night thinking about your words, it gave him a huge headache.
No one, had accepted him for who he is except you and his ex wife. He knew he was hard to love, especially since he doesn't know how to recieprocate any kinds of feelings except anger and contempt.
He still doesn't know how to stomach having a relationship with you.
But your words got him thinking, after a few weeks, he had thought about it.
"I'll do it." He spoke while he was eating his breakfast.
"Do what?" You questioned him as you think of the things he might mean, then it hits you.
"You'll meet my parents?" You smiled in glee.
"Yeah, don't expect me to be nice and shit, or them to like me. Because clearly you know who I am." He said as he continues to eat.
The day came, where he's about to meet your parents.
He tried fixing himself, he bathed, brushed his teeth, changed into acceptable clothes and then he hid his weapons.
He was anxiously waiting inside your apartment feeling tensed, sweating.
"Fuck this is harder than killing Special grade curses and sorcerers." he grumbles as he heard the door knob open.
He felt his heart sank as he stood up walking to the door as you introduced your parents he stood quiet.
You all sat down at the dining table as your parents introduced themselves.
"Toji Fushiguro..." He introduced himself
Your parents didn't think much about it, since you already told them about him so your parents were adjusting in this case.
"So Toji, I'm happy you've met our daughter, we've never thought she'd find someone." Your mother joked.
"She was rotting on our basement for long as I've remembered" Your Father added.
"Mama! Papa!" You yelled
"What? It's true." Your mom said as you all laughed.
Your parents didn't need to know anything more about Toji. They already heard alot from you.
You were already old enough to make your own decisions and they're just there to guide you whenever you need them.
Toji was shocked that your parents weren't disgusted at him.
Your parents told stories about you to Toji so Toji would ease himself with them.
Which ends up you being embarrassed, you knew that Toji would tease you all about it later. But you were happy that you noticed that Toji was being at ease.
You stood up and excused yourself at the bathroom.
Toji knew that there might be a confrontation in this period, since you weren't here anymore.
"Toji let me be frank, I don't know who you are or where you came from. All I know is that you make our child happy, that's what matters, but hurt her you'll regret it I promise you that." Your Father said
After that you came back.
The meeting went well as you exhaled sitting on the living room clearly tired.
"I hope they didn't give you a hard time." You said as you looked at him.
"It went better than I expected." Toji said
"Why do you think so?" You curiously asked him.
"Met my ex wife's parents, didn't go well. Her parents asked lots of shit. They found out that I'm a piece of garbage not fit for their daughter. They wanted us to break up." He said as he was pouring water on a glass.
To be honest, it also went unexpected on your side as well. Usually your parents would also interrogate.
But you knew they'd understand you and your decisions because you were already an adult and you were thankful for that.
But it was probably because you've already told your parents about him.
*Flash back*
"Mom, I love him. I know you think that he isn't good for me, But I don't care I'm a grown adult who can make her own decisions."
*End of Flash back*
You and your parents argued alot about Toji that made you really stressed out that you had to drink meds.
But you didn't care, you'll stand your ground.
#jjk#jjk toji#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen toji#jujutsu kaisen toji fushiguro#toji fushiguro#jjk toji fushiguro#toji x reader#toji x you
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Kinn and Porsche work for me because they’re so GROSS together. They make dumb dick jokes, they share pre-bj bread slices, they blow their morning breath on each other, not to mention the Dutch oven incident. They immediately give “couple who’s been together forever and are completely comfortable with each other” vibes and that’s SO sexy to me
#kinnporsche#kprewatch2023#kp#they shit with the bathroom door open and I love that for them#gross married couple stuff is my weakness
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last night i had a dream that had something to do with reading a fic abt . well i wanna say "a haunted forest diner" but i've already written a haunted forest diner fic and it was not at all like that. anyway, it was this haunted forest diner fic in the sense that all its patrons were old forest gods of like decay and shit and in order to sneak in, you had to transform into like a deer, and apparently i was a supremely graceful jumper for a stag
but anyway i dreamt that that was a fic that i had apparently read and commented on months ago, but for w/e reason i had never read the replies to, and the author had replied that i seemed like a cool person n that they would have loved to have read some stuff i had written "but it seems you do not have any genshin works up..."
and honest to god all i could think upon reading that was literally "lol skill issue"
#and then i dreamt that i got one of those defeat the 8-12 hilichurl comms in genshin n i was like fine fine w/e#but after killing two i somehow figured out that they were not trying to kill me but instead trying to kidnap me to be their medic#and i was intrigued enough to be like 'okay' n sat down on this white blanket thing they had set aside for me#n one of my friends (don't remember who) was like 'yo you good?' n i was like 'yeah they just want me to be their medic'#n my friend looked at me suspiciously n was like 'well the comm isn't over you have six more to kill but if you need me i'll be over there'#n she pointed to where the trumpets i knew in high school (minus cody? i think?) were having sectionals under some trees#it was definitely trumpet sectionals but for whatever reason my brain decided to edit out cody So fucking True get redacted idiot#anyway so i just waited around in the warm sun untild a bunch of humanoid creatures started coming down the hill#i think they were supposed to be bosses or smth but none of them are in gnshn even tho we were def in mond or liyue by this point#and they all had different colored faces but anyway my friend was like 'THIS IS WHY WE HAVE TO DEFEAT ALL THE HILICHURLS!!!'#'BECAUSE IF WE DON'T THEN THEY'RE JUST BUYING TIME FOR *THESE GUYS* TO COME!!!!'#n i was like 'oh shit!!' n we started fighting them n they were really tanky but we got most of them except for the blue one#and so i went back to the haunted diner place n entered it as a human n went upstairs where i found the author in my dreams#n she said that we couldn't talk long bc the blue guy was after me but she'd distract it by joining its side#and also there was like this whole subplot in between abt like uhhh exchanging love for power i think? idk i don't remember rn#i just remember that the author temporarily exchanged some of her like. goodwill or smth to buy me time to prepare for my fight#with the blue guy and so i hiding in the bathroom listened w my ear pressed against the wall as she became corrupted n then it was#my turn to fight the blue guy n i opened up the door n stuff but then i woke up :c#anyway so that was MY dream diary for today everyone leave your own recent dreams in the replies and we can have a discussion lol#花話
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The cats are named Luna, Harry, and Roman. They are all special and stupid and I love them.
#their full names as given by my mother are Luna Lovegood. Harriet Pawter. and Roman Weasley.#Roman is 8 and very fat and Very dumb. I love him so much he smells like shit and steals food directly off peoples plates mid-meal.#No one in this damn house stops him and my mom encourages it so I gave up on trying to teach him otherwise lol#Luna is 4 she has all the brain cells and all the attitude. she hates everyone who doesn't live here and lets them know by glaring down#from her perch until they leave. When it's just us tho she Demands cuddles several times a day.#Harry is 1 and is small and fast and Loud and she doesn't like when doors are closed and cries and cries until I let her join me in the#bathroom. where she proceeds to try to eat toilet paper because I am not entertaining enough while peeing or whatever.#she is also Evil but we hope that is related to age and boredom and she will calm down soon#all three cats are snuggle buddies which is impressive and we are lucky to have such good tempered cats#Luna also knows how to open doors. Harry splashes the water out of their fountain. Roman kicks all the litter out of the boxes.#Menaces all of them#Beloved menaces#no one asked (me)#no one asked (cats)
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going out at night is exhilarating
#so i was on call with my friends#and i was like “you know what i should go to the park for shits and giggles its 3am”#so i went#and i realized my phone was dying#so i decided to go back#and on my way back my phone died#which was fine#but that meant that i couldnt keep talking to my friends#so i was on my way back#and i realized the last time i went to the bathroom was 5 hours ago or more#so im standing on my doorstep now trying not to awaken anyone#and im also trying not to piss my pants#i open the door (and have to move a mountain of stuff out of th way because i never use this door i only used it tonight for ease of access#and before i can even close it or take off my shoes i BOOK IT to the bathroom#i have the piss of my life and then come back out to close the door#then i have a mini-panic because i thought i lost my keys#turns out i just threw them on the bed in my rush to piss XD#and then i finally turn my computer back on and get back on with my friends and type this post#this all happened in the span of 5 minutes btw#int'l friends i would love to get on a call with you all sometime and show you the park at 3am#hopefully without almost pissing my pants through lmao
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Hits Different (...'cause it's you) (1)
«« I trace the evidence, make it make some sense Why the wound is still bleedin' »»
PAIRING: kim mingyu x reader
SYNOPSIS: Kim Mingyu was the first friend your brother had brought home for dinner. Fast forward a couple years, his toothy smile and pierced ears would wedge their way into a permanent place in your heart. Nail to a coffin, never to escape.
or;
in which you get rejected by the only boy you've ever loved; a rejection you can't quite shake off.
GENRES: based off of 'Hits Different' by Taylor Swift, brother's best friend!au, brother!seokmin, fluff, angst, smut (in part 2) [MINORS DNI], friends(?) to lovers, university!au.
PLAYLIST: right here!
WORD COUNT (full fic): 40k (im actually embarrassed)
Part 1: 20.2k | Part 2: 20k
masterlist
WARNINGS : slowburn, angst, fluff, mingyus a bit of an airhead and an ass, reader has a hard time managing her feelings, lots of frustrated tears, one sided pining, user toruro x minghao make an appearance, swearing, there's another woman (gasp,,,,,but shes cool so), Nayeon is a darling, Seungcheol is kinda annoying here but we love him, smut tags in part 2
(Comments from @toruro): "oh shizzle", "yeah bitch", (on jihyo) "mother", "ME X HAO FIRE EMOJI", "men (derogatory)"
[A/N]: Tumblr is annoying and won't let me post the entire 40k in one go so i have to break it up (part 2 is out tomorrow!!!) i hope you guys enjoy this, thank you for all the love on the teaser, i hope this is able to live up to the hype, thank you so much for being patient with me <33 (ty @toruro for encouraging me when i felt shit ab this gkjnrgvkjrng and beta-ing ofc)
As someone who could vomit at the mere thought of throw-up, you tried not to stare into the toilet bowl as you emptied your guts in this questionable club bathroom.
It was proving to be easier than you’d anticipated, naturally, when your eyes were blurred with bubbling tears. Were they because of your wretching or the feelings that churned in your heart? You can’t be entirely sure, nor can you find yourself having the mental strength to figure out. There’s a banging on the door behind you, one that sends your already aching head into a hurling spin.
“Open the door, I have water for you, it’ll help!” You hear Mika blare from the other side, concern lacing her voice.
You try to blink the tears away but they cascade down your cheek anyway, rubbing at them furiously before preparing to haul yourself off the disgusting bathroom floor. Taking a deep breath was a horrible idea, you realize when an atrocious mixture of scents hit your nostrils, cringing visibly.
Washing your hands at the sink took you another five minutes, scrubbing furiously at your palms and nails with the dollar store soap the club graciously placed in a fancy dispenser, pumping more than a normal amount to rid yourself of the paranoia of tainted hands.
Unfortunately for you, your palms were tainted with entities beyond mere soap and water’s powers.
It was evident with the way you exited the bathroom feeling perhaps worse than you went in. Mika was nowhere to be seen in the hall, moving along to the private room where the rest of the group was to find her springing up as you enter.
“You weren’t answering, so I left. Here, water, I told you to be careful with what you drink; you haven’t had a bite to eat either.” She reprimands.
“Sorry,” you smile sheepishly, not having a reasonable excuse to give her.
Joshua peeks over her shoulder, “You feeling any better?”
The water is slow to go down as you sputter before replying in a hoarse voice, “Yeah. Way.”
To be fair, the water did help. But it was you who was the problem, blaming the alcohol for the behaviour all your friends knew perfectly well where it was stemming from. Not a word was said though, for your sake or their own. You wrap up quickly after that, Joshua insisting to drop you off home himself, quoting how Seokmin would have his head if he left you in the hands of a taxi driver in this state — age gap be damned. You can only thank him as he pulls up to your destination, hoping you’ll remember this in the morning to return the favour in the future.
“Before you go, can we talk for a second?” he piques, halting you as you remove your seatbelt.
“Sure, yeah. What is it?”
“I’m not gonna ask if you’re doing alright, not when you’re gonna give me the same answer as always. But…please take care of yourself. You’ve been drinking quite a bit lately, and it can’t be helping you at all”
You listen to him silently, not a thought in your brain. But you nod anyway.
“Thanks for looking out, Shua. I’m…I’m probably not gonna be going out for a while, you’re right,” you reply, quietly, a small smile on your face that you can only hope is reassuring.
“I don’t mean lock yourself up, either. You don’t give yourself a break and then try to make up for it by drinking your self faint every week, that’s never gonna help you. You know that.” He speaks in a soft, soothing voice, a hand coming up to pat your hair before landing on your clasped hands on your lap. “You know what, I’ll pick you up tomorrow night, we can go the fair just me, you and Seok-”
“I have class tomorrow.”
“Like showing up hungover is gonna help you retain any information. Just skip.”
You sigh a deep exhale, deciding to simply be upfront. “I kinda just wanna stay home for a while, going out’s kinda making it worse. I think rotting in front of my laptop’s what I really need right now”
Throwing in a tinkle of a laugh, you hope you’ve sold yourself.
“Alright,” he sounds slightly unconvinced but doesn’t push you further, “I’ll drop in to bother you tomorrow though, don’t try stoping me”
“Okay,” you say, smiling a little wider. “I’m gonna go now, goodnight.”
“Wait!” he stops you once again, right before your about to shut the door. “Have you talked to Mingyu at all?”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Shua. Night”
With that you’ve slammed the door of his car shut, missing the ghost of a “goodnight” that leaves Joshua’s lips as he watches you walk inside the building.
“And stop staying out so late at night! What were you supposed to do if Joshua wasn’t there?” Seokmin rants as he walks back and forth grabbing you water and pills as you finish your forced breakfast.
“Take a taxi?” you suggest sarcastically.
“What? And get me called to the station to identify your body parts when some dude decides he wants to play cannibalistic butcher?” he screeches, and it has you wincing and grabbing onto your head at his volume. You dramatize it a little, hoping he’d shut it with his nagging if you gained some extra sympathy. He doesn’t stop talking, but he does tone it down.
“Whatever, I’m not going out anymore.” You push your plate and bowl away as you hop off the stool and stalk off to your room, making as much noise as possible in the process.
Your brother calls after you, but you don’t stop. Your head was pounding,
“Are you gonna take your meds? HELLO? Or do you enjoy the feeling of having your head split open?” he slams open the door of your room mid-sentence, going on at your blanket-clad figure on the bed.
“I’m going back to sleep.”
“No, you’re taking your fucking meds.” A cup of water is thrust into your hands as you pick up the pills from Seokmin’s open palms, swallowing before he decides to shove it down your throat himself.
He waits on the edge of the bed, checking to make sure you actually swallowed the pill instead of hiding it under your tongue like you’ve done since you were kids.
“I’m not stopping you from going out if that’s what you think I mean,” he starts, a lot softer this time, and you’re taken back to your conversation with Joshua last night. “You’ve been going out and coming home wasted a lot more than normal lately. I don’t know if it’s because your college agendas are finally catching up to you or what.”
“I’m just…My friends are always out and I wanna be with them, it’s normal,” you grumble, disappearing deeper into your sheets.
“You’d tell me if something was bothering you, right?”
‘Yeah, yeah, now shoo. Your voice is making my head hurt worse, I doubt Advils are immune to your yapping.”
“Fine, fuck you too” he mumbles, leaving the room only to pop back in a second later. “Mom called last night, told her you were at a study group. Might wanna call her back before she catches a flight herself.”
You wave two fingers up in a salute from your flat position on the bed, hearing him close the door. You don’t sit up until you hear the TV blare from the living room, knowing he had parked himself on the couch and has his attention diverted.
The headache wasn’t actually that bad, you just really wanted to be left alone, and your brother had a habit to do the opposite when asked, so it had to be done.
What on Earth were you supposed to tell him, anyway? That his best friend in the whole world rejected his sister on the spot when she confessed her decades long feelings? That she was ruining her liver and kidneys every weekend over a rejection? By his best friend in the whole world?
Yeah, that’s an easy conversation.
Snuggling into the covers you try not to think back to the abomination that was your birthday party just a few weeks ago, but your thoughts yank you there anyway, as if to remind you of every wretched detail of the encounter like it was wasn’t already burned into your frontal lobe like a brand.
You were on a high; too happy, too excited. It’s not like you were expecting anything for your first birthday at uni anyway, you were too old for pink blowout parties and too young for the madness of college level clubbing. You were excited for takeout with your brother, to sit in front of the TV for the rest of the night, maybe even stick a candle in one of your burgers and call it your cake. Plans were changed when you walked into your home, ready to wind down for the night and celebrate in your own way.
It was a full house, food and drinks everywhere, complete with a loud “SURPRISE” as you walk through the door. You remember hugging both your brother and Mingyu when they tell you they did all of this for you, an overwhelming feeling overcoming you as you grip them tight, hoping it’ll transfer all the gratitude you couldn’t express.
You’re breathless as the night progresses, trying hard to focus on the conversations at hand, trying to be a good host. Failing miserably, you can’t force your gaze from wandering every few minutes, searching for Mingyu in the crowd, watching him move his mouth as he talked, throw his hair back as he laughed, smile that beautiful, beautiful smile of his, perfect teeth on display.
It had been bliss these past few weeks, the lingering smiles he would give you, the flirtatious attempts never gone unnoticed. The smoothest of words slipping right off his tongue as he gave you eyes that twinkled and sparkled and blew air directly into the embers in your heart. You would still yourself as they would happen, like the mirage would crack and shatter if you even dared to breathe; it felt unreal. After all these years, you realised soon, Kim Mingyu may have began to like you.
You’d be lying if you said you were completely sober when it happened, drinks were passed around and as the birthday girl you didn’t seem to have a choice to back down, already a little hot and wide eyed barely halfway through the night.
And when Mingyu doesn’t interact with you all night, you go to him as the numbers in the house dwindled, cornering him as he collected bottles in the kitchen.
“Hey!”, he sounds enthusiastic, “You having fun yet?”
“Yeah, thanks again for doing this.” your remember fidgeting with your fingers and nails, digging them into each other as you let yourself spew.
“Are you gonna say thank you at every chance for the next six months? It's your first birthday away from home. Besides it was Seok’s idea, I just helped out.” He had said, beaming.
“Mingyu, can I talk to you about something…?”
You sigh loudly as you replay the memory, face pushed into the covers as you bite back a scream at the blood rushing to your head.
Stupid. Idiot. Absolutely brainless.
“Oh.” He had breathed out when you had spilled your entire heart out to him standing in that kitchen, visibly taken aback at your abruptness. “I…I’m sorry I’m not quite sure what to say.”
You still remember that sickening feeling, that big ball of junk and emotions that sank lower and lower in your abdomen, settling a deep hurt in your chest that made it difficult to breathe.
Laying in your bedroom, weeks after the fact, you can still feel your breathing go slightly erratic at the memory, hot tears springing your eyes, burning before you wipe them away. You were aware how baffling it was, how you were letting it affect you to this degree, but you justified it with the years you had remained quiet, yearning on the sidelines.
You deserved to wallow in this pit.
At least that’s what you thought. But after last night you wonder if you had stopped indulging in the sorrow and let it ruin you instead. A sigh escapes you at the thought of ending yet another night in a dirty bathroom, makeup smeared and guts removed, misery becoming the only thing you were allowed to feel in the aftermath.
You reach for your phone on the bedside table, flicking through your unread messages, barely registering a word as you leave them opened and unanswered. There wasn’t an ounce of willpower in you even after a full night’s sleep, turning your phone off before shoving it in your bedside drawer, forgotten. You take a moment to stare at the ceiling, having no energy to get up to turn your lights off. Until the doorbell sounds.
Of course you knew who it was the second you heard, but the voice paired with your brother’s conversing outside was enough to have you catapulting out of bed. You slap your hand over the switchboard, turning off all your lights, moving across the room to pull your curtains shut, cascading complete darkness in the room. You fly under the covers as a last effort to convince, covering your face with the sheets just as you hear a knock.
The door creaks open slightly as Seokmin calls out your name.
“Are you up? Mingyu’s here, he brought coffee.” He whispers slowly. You don’t respond.
He calls out your name one more time before you hear the door click shut. You don’t move till you hear his muffled voice on the other end, “She’s knocked out, her head was hurting, better let her rest.”
Heat pricks the sides of your face as your body finally relaxes, borderline embarrassed at how you were hiding from him like a middle schooler who thinks she’s in love. Which you were at one point; now you're a college kid who thinks she’s in love.
You try not to focus too much on the sounds coming from outside, burying under the covers to attempt at sleep for real this time. Eyes screwed shut, you can’t help but open them at every other intonation. There was no way you could figure out what they were saying if you tried, between the door and the TV, it was all a taunting buzz in your ears.
You do end up falling asleep. But only after you hear the droning of the TV turn off, and the distinct goodbyes as the front door clicks shut.
Keeping to your promise, you stay away from late nights for the next couple of weeks. Joshua so far as commends you for declining invitations, offering dinner on him on one particular phone call.
“You know, I was serious when I said I was proud of you.” Joshua voices solemnly as you attempt to cut a strip of meat onto the grill. You snort as a response.
“I wasn’t like, an alcoholic, you’re making it sound worse than it was.”
“It was still bad for it to affect you in that way. Takes a lot to get back up from heartbreak”
“Especially one that’s lasted for nearly a decade.” You sigh as you give up on the meat, handing the scissors and tongs over.
“Are we still talking about that?” He raises his eyebrows.
A smile makes its way to your face, nibbling on a radish, “No.”
“Good. Because we need to talk about if we want our noodles hot or cold.”
“Seok! SEOK! Where the fuck did you put my pimple patches?” Your screams echo across the house yet garner no response. Opting to yank open the fridge, you dig through through the box of face masks to find them possibly laying at the bottom, forgotten. Seokmin bounds into the kitchen, towel in hand as he pats at his damp hair.
“What?”
“Nothing,” you huff, shoving the unfruitful box back into the cabinet, "you used up all the patches.”
“Patches? Pimple patches? We’ve been out for a month, just use this tube in the drawer.” Pulling open the drawer, he rummages for a moment before emerging with a sickly yellow tube of what looked like poorly marketed toothpaste.
“You want me to put this on my face?”
“Yeah, it works, zit on my nose was gone by morning.” He stuffs the tube back in the drawer not before squeezing a small amount on his fingers to dab on your face.
“Ew, get your dirty hands away from my face.” You grip his wrists before he tries to move in further.
He does nothing but shush you, shaking off your hands as you grumble in silence, letting him finger paint on your face. You move up to fix a roller on your head, undoing it before rolling the bit back in, resulting in another “tsk” emitting form your brothers concentrated face.
“Okay, enough! I don’t have that many zits.” You pull away as Seokmin moves to wash his hands.
“Are you going to bed right now?” He asks as you move over to the door.
“Yeah. I’m not going to sleep, though.”
“Gyu’s coming over, you were asleep when he was here last too.”
It seemed as though every bone in your body rattled against your flesh.
“When is he coming?” You ask quickly, frozen in your spot.
The doorbell rings.
“Right now, I guess.” He snickers to himself.
You can only watch in mild horror as he moves to open the door, words escaping you. You follow behind him, trying to stop him, yet not doing much other than reach the front door yourself, fingers frozen yet mildly trembling.
“Wait!” You finally whisper-shout, “Don’t open it!”
Seokmin pauses to give you a look, “Why? He’s seen you look worse, it’s fine”
The door wrenches open before you can protest any further, a cartoonish moment of the hunched figure of you, hands out in a nearly there grip. You’ve failed, and the chorus of ‘hey’’s reach your ears in almost a mocking manner. There’s a conscious effort on your end to not look up too high, keeping to chest eye level for your own sanity. What you find once your vision clears from the white blur, is that there’s not one, but two people at the door.
Mingyu’s brought a girl.
Standing behind the door meant there was no immediate attention on you, which should have been a perfectly good opportunity for you to book it to your room, but you don’t. You stand there instead, staring at the back of their heads like a child in wonder.
Once you are noticed by your brother, he winces at your appearance, a silent apology, like he didn’t know about this new guest either. Or he was apologising for what he was about to do next, you wouldn’t know, because you wouldn’t be hearing him out when you throttle him later.
“This is my sister”
All three sets of eyes are on you now, a moment of silence as they take in your appearance. The grandma nightgown, in all its blue and collared glory, does absolutely nothing to boost your confidence in front of the very pretty lady, whose hair cascades down her back, whose skin stands as clear as a summer sky.
“Hi!” She breaks the awkward silence first, “I’m Jia, it’s nice to meet you! I’ve heard a lot about the both of you.”
What?
“Mingyu has a hard time keeping his mouth shut, I’m not surprised.” Seokmin tries to joke as he motions for the couch in the centre of the room. You catch him kicking a stray sock out of the way as he urges them to sit.
With the way your brother is acting, you don’t doubt this is his first time meeting this girl. Mingyu is yet to clarify why he would bring a friend to the house unannounced, but something tells you you already know. You remain on the sidelines, inching away to the hallway slowly, trying your hardest to not bring attention to yourself.
“I haven’t seen you around campus ever, are you new?” Seokmin prods, his voice slightly on edge.
“Oh, um-” Jia begins but is cut off by Mingyu as he speaks for her.
“Jia doesn’t go to our uni, we met at Seungcheol’s, we’ve been dating for a couple months.”
There it is.
“Oh! Couple months? How come I didn’t know?” You don’t miss the hurt laced in your brother's words, your fists clenching slightly at the oncoming silence.
“That’s on me, sorry. It’s just…I didn’t want anyone to know ‘cause I thought he was playing around when he said he liked me, I wanted to see if he was being real or not.” She laughs nervously, and you see the back of her head move as she talked. You can’t help but note the arm that’s swung across the back of the couch where she sat. “Please don’t be mad at him! I promise it was me that stopped him.”
You don’t hear too much of what happens afterwards as you slip away into the crevice of your bedroom, standing in the entryway in absolute silence, attempting to absorb what you had just witnessed outside. Approaching the full length mirror on the other end, it takes a lot out of your to bring yourself to look straight into it, regretting it immediately as you acknowledge your appearance.
Of course, the woman who actually succeeded in winning over the man that rejected you had to witness you in the unappealing yellow paste that your brother graciously dotted all over your face, not leaving the giant rollers in your hair to cut you any slack either. You could cry about it, but you don’t. Instead you lay back in your bed, sniffling in the dark, just as you had the last time Mingyu was over.
It’s significantly easier to drown out the voices this time round, especially when your mind is preoccupied with a couple months. Your birthday was a couple months ago, does that mean they started dating right after that conversation? Or were they already offical and you had waltzed in with your princess dreams about your brother’s best friend being in love with you.
It made perfect sense at the time, and no sense at all anymore as you wonder why on Earth he was being so forwardly flirty with you if there was another girl all along. There’s a bitter taste in your mouth as you recall how he had quit perceiving you altogether after that night, and you can’t help but mentally commend Jia for testing him by keeping it quiet. Especially when he was going around flirting with his best friend’s sister.
It didn’t take long for you to guage Mingyu’s reputation when you first dropped into university, the senior having made himself a reputation none less similar than he had in high school. He was popular, but with his outgoing personality and a face like that it was hard not to be liked. Your brother was right there beside him, living it up as carefree college kids, suddenly remembering he now had a little sister to tend to. You were grateful for the both of them for being there to help you take your first baby steps, all the rites of passage and which professors sucked the least, not leaving the leaky water fountain to never drink from.
That was when Mingyu’s (supposed) advances had begun.
You’re projected back to first semester, when both of them had dragged you to the same couch outside, talking about an “important thing you should know”.
“You walk into class one day, expecting nothing out of the ordinary. Your professor drones on as usual, your classmates look bored as usual, you’re tired as usual. But then!” Seokmin breathes in sharply, and you hear Mingyu bound to the other side of your vision, emerging on the opposite end of the room with a backpack swung over his shoulder.
“The man of your dreams walks by…” Seokmin continues and you snap your head towards him in a panic, suddenly afraid he had found you out. He’s busy though, making ethereal hands in Mingyu’s general direction, while the latter walks in comedic slow motion like he’s in a K-drama b-roll, complete with passes over his hair and a nonchalant yet controlled expression.
“What is this about?” It comes out snappier than you had intended, but you’ve had one scare already.
“Just!” your brothers hands turn from graceful to clenched, like it was you he was trying to squish you for interrupting him, “Listen, alright?”
“The man of your dreams walks by,” he goes back to his narrator voice, “and you wonder where he’s been all your life. You start talking, you’re enamoured. You start thinking about introducing him to your parents, what your wedding’s gonna look like, what your kids are gonna look like!”
Your face is becoming increasingly warped the more you listen to him speak, not being able to fathom where this was going.
“But no!” It’s Mingyu that speaks this time, pushing a jolt out of you as he slams the backpack on the floor, pointing directly at you for added effect, “You’re better than that!”
“What the fuck-” you start, but are shushed by a physical finger on your lips as Mingyu shushes you. Seokmin slaps his hand away.
“Our point is, that you’re probably gonna come across someone who you think is your next boyfriend.” Your brother continues, “But lucky for you, you have two seasoned professionals here to tell you that it’s nothing but fresher’s fever.”
“It’s a new place, new people, loads of new experiences; you’re bound to latch on one of the first couple pieces of meat. Our advice is don’t, because it will happen to you. But you also now know that your just in a deluded stage right now. Give it a semester before you start dating people, trust.” Mingyu finishes for Seokmin as he thumps down on the couch next to you.
“So all of this was just another stay away from boys lecture?” You raise your eyebrows.
“Yes and no. You can date whoever you want,” Seokmin answers coolly before quickly adding, “but not right now.”
It was laughable, the thought of latching onto another person when you’d been trying exactly that for years. To have anyone catch your eye, to have anyone sweep you away from this madness that came in the form of Kim Mingyu. Neither of these seasoned professionals had a thing to worry about though, because you weren’t latching on anything that came out of this institute. You had already done so, in a stage more impressionable than this, years and years before any of them knew of the dangers of young girls and new boys in their vicinity.
“Okay, I know you’re like on a self inflicted party ban and all that…” Joshua starts the second he places himself at your table, still haggard looking from jogging across campus.
“Don’t even try.” You warn with filled cheeks.
“Girl, let him finish.” Nayeon chides next to you.
You exhale through your nose heavily, going back to pick at your tray as Joshua continues.
“Cheol’s throwing a little party tonight to celebrate the end of midterms.” He starts, “You should come, it's only gonna be a handful of people.”
“A handful?” You repeat, unable to bite back the amusement in your voice.
“Come on, your brother’s going as well! You’ll be fine, I promise we’ll keep you in check.”
“I don’t need to be kept in check, I’m fine.” You grumble.
“Perfect! Nothing stopping you then, I’ll pick you both up at 8.” The words are barely out of his mouth before he’s back to sprinting out the vicinity, garnering looks from oncoming traffic, off to his next pestering destination
“I don’t think I’d explicitly agreed.” You voice.
“He got what he wanted.” Nayeon snorts, “Whatever, we’ll get ready at my place after this.”
“Weren’t you guys worried about me? Now you’re actively dragging me to parties.” You drop your utensils onto the tray.
“Too much of either isn’t a good thing, you went from forgetting what home looks like to exclusively holing yourself up in there.” She stabs a piece of potato with a chopstick and tries to pry it in your mouth. “Besides, Cheol’s parties are always super intimate, they’re all gonna be people you know, don’t worry.”
‘Super intimate’, as Nayeon had put it, had amounted to at least fifty people as you take in the crowd at the floor of the house. Despite not being packed to the brim, it was still coming out to look like a full house, random items already scattered across the floors in true frat party fashion.
“Do you want a beer?” Nayeon asks, dragging you to the kitchens by the hand as you crane your neck to spot people.
“Uh, no. Is there juice?”
“Um, there’s a questionable looking fruit punch.” she wrinkles her nose at the blaring red bowl on the counter.
You sigh, grabbing a cup, “I’ll risk it.”
Joshua was air the second he had walked in with you, whisked away to socialize with his own hoard of acquaintances, leaving both you and Nayeon to fend for yourselves. You’re yet to spot your brother, granted you’d only been here a mere five minutes, his rowdy demeanor making him quite easy to spot in usual circumstances.
Taking a casual sip of the electric red liquid you’re forced to make a face as you register the flavour, alerting Nayeon, who was too busy fiddling through multiple crystal bottles.
“What? Is it bad?”
“What the fuck is that?” You sputter in astonishment, wondering how the bowl was already half empty. “Who’s drinking this stuff?”
She grabs the cup from you before taking a gulp herself, emerging the same gagging mess you were, eyes watering at the taste. It seemed almost comical when Seokmin shows up behind her, waiting to greet only to find both of you doubled over. His eyes move over to the potion in Nayeon’s hand and passes a knowing look.
“He’s brought The Whole Shabang out of retirement.” He states like it was the obvious answer.
Nayeon spits first, “Are we supposed to know what that means?”
“Cheol got drunk one time in freshman year and mixed every ounce of alcohol he owned into one big bowl of despair. We retired it last year when the bowl broke and stained his counters. But anyway, beginners are supposed to dilute it before downing it.”
“That’s great and everything but why is it so red?” You ask.
Another voice speaks from behind you, turning around to find Seungcheol himself. “There’s an entire thing of food colouring in there, gives it an edge don’t you think?”
“I’m scared of you.” You deadpan, a sour expression remaining on your face.
Seunghceol is quick to suggest the backyard for some fresh air to distract from the flavour it’s left in your mouths, commenting on the nice weather. Neither him nor your brother stick around for too long though, dipping at the holler of their names somewhere inside. You’re comfortable though, despite being blocked off by a concrete railing, the stairs make a nice haven for the both of you to lie down and stare into the clearer than usual sky. Cheol was right, it was nice outside.
“I can’t lay down like this, I need to get a drink.” Nayeon announces not even five minutes later.
“Why didn’t you get one when we were there?” You groan, but she doesn’t respond as she hops back inside, throwing a promise to be quick in the air behind her.
The wall supports you as you deflate into it, legs sprawled across the steps in disarray. Nobody could see you anyway, taking full advantage as you practically manspread. The side of the pool that’s in your vision is empty by grace; calm save for the giant flamingo floaty that bobs itself into view from the edge of the wall you lean against. A breathy laugh leaves you at the sight.
The railing on your other side is mostly concealed, you can still make out the wicker sofa set, complete with an unlit fireplace. It’s unoccupied, for the time being, as you register a conversation floating closer and closer to your ears. Wondering if Nayeon had brought friends, you stand up quickly to look over the railing to check for her face over the sliding door that leads inside.
There’s no Nayeon in sight.
But there is Mingyu.
His mere presence knocks your butt back onto the concrete the second you see him stumbling over the threshold with a hoard of his friends, nothing short of his picturesque party strut. There was little reason for you to hide from him at all, considering the very possible notion that he would look right past you if you happened across his line of sight. Space floating in, he’d ignore you for your sake or his own, perhaps even both.
For now, he’s seated himself with a few other people on the wicker sofas, leaving you hugging your knees to your chest, head on the concrete wall with the lingering feeling akin to that of a trapped mouse. Closing your eyes, you blow out air in an attempt to relax yourself, take light of the situation you’ve found yourself in. You could get up and leave in this very moment, possibly go unnoticed if you stalked back inside before they began their rattle not meant for your ears.
And yet, you find yourself unable to move, not even when you hear their topic shift to Mingyu’s new beau. Suddenly you wish you’d moved inside the moment you saw him.
“Was it you that stopped Jia from coming to parties?” You hear somebody ask.
“Why the fuck would I do that?” Mingyu grumbles, he pauses and you assume he’s taking a swing of his drink. “We started going out and suddenly she didn’t wanna come, that’s fine though, it isn’t her vibe anyway.”
There’s a snigger that moves across everybody seated, you hear loud thwack before Mingyu speaks again, “What’s so fucking funny?”
“This girl’s made you work for it, huh?”
“Isn’t that like, his brand? Don’t look at me like that, you’re the one yapping about liking a challenge all the time.”
“Yeah, remember Minji?”
“I still think she was only pretending to not like you, her clique was always smacking at her to straighten up when you’d come over like we couldn’t see everything.” You could almost hear the eye rolling.
“Change the subject, will you?” Mingyu proposes, sounding exhausted at the prodding already.
“I apologise for the ex talk and nothing else.”
There’s a pause for another choke of laughter across the group, and you wonder what it was that they found so funny.
“I don’t know if I should say this…” Somebody begins, but is cut off by Mingyu.
“Then don’t say it.” He snaps, but you don’t miss his own jest.
“I honestly thought you were gonna date Seok’s sister at some point. I mean, common consensus is that bagging your best friend’s sister is… what you’d call a challenge.”
What the fuck.
You feel your eyes drifting closed at the turn this conversation has taken, wishing to simply fall asleep at what it’s come to. Somebody speaks up.
“Nah, that’s like, the grand slam prize, that one comes after he’s done hanging with the side quests.”
The situation is making itself out to be something out of a fever dream.
Mingyu tsks, and you note a jostle happening through the gaps of the railing. “I’m leaving.”
You find yourself hugging yourself tighter, eyes shut like he wouldn’t be able to see if you couldn’t see him. Not that it was possible unless he peered directly through the railing in his peripheral.
“OKAY! Okay! We’re kidding.” There’s a pause. “Okay, but really…”
Another pause, this time longer. You hate how you can picture the ghost of an exasperated smile on Mingyu’s face, a bite of his lip perhaps, dejected at the shoulder with his longing, distant look. You hate how your mind fills the gaps of him the railing won’t allow you to see.
“Seok’s not the type to beat me up if I dated his sister. And besides…” He sighs, halting his words.
“Besides what?” Somebody chimes in.
“I’m not interested in going after someone who’s chased my tail for the past fifteen years.”
There’s a chorus of hisses and oh’s, a few bounts of laughter in their disbelief. You can feel your stomach twist, heat pooling your figure.
It would’ve been better if his words had hit you like a gong, maybe the aftermath wouldn’t have felt as horrid. But the connotations crept up on you like a million spiders making their trek up to your brain, waiting to stick their crawlers in the bits that would allow those words to hold meaning for you. You can feel the electric red of Seungcheol’s god awful concoction begin to rise up in your throat like bile; burning, imprinting.
Mingyu had said what he had said. And everything was in it’s place, in finality.
Despite the nearly four year age gap, you and Seokmin had co-existed without the semblance of an older-younger duo. It was mostly owed to Seokmin's shy nature, and his difficulty making solid friends. That, however, didn’t last long as your brother progressed through middle school.
You had met Mingyu for the first time when Seokmin brought his first ever friend from school home for dinner.
Despite being barely nine years old and half spoon fed by your mother at the same table, the prospect of Seokmin’s new friend was equal to you having a new friend – which caused enough excitement as you brought your favourite cartoon books into your brother’s room to show this new person after dinner.
As the following year progressed, you saw less and less of your brother, and more and more of newer faces of ‘friends’ that you weren’t allowed to play with. It was distressing enough to be told by your mother that something of your brother’s was not yours, but even more so when you were kicked out of the room by Seokmin himself for the very first time.
It wasn’t as trauamtising as it felt in the moment, because you grew to find your own group of friends, doing the same as you’d kick your brother out for being annoying – except unlike you, he was doing it on purpose.
Mingyu was a recurring face, one that was nicer to you on the days your brother was meaner, more forgiving on the days your relatively new middle school was relentless. He fit himself in your life easier than you had realised, more comfortable than you soon found you were comfortable with.
“Did you take my guitar picks?” Your brother bursts into your room just as your about to fall into your after school nap, grip loosening on the book in hand.
Jolting awake at the sound of loud voice, you don’t respond as you attempt to orient yourself.
“Well? Did you?” He demands again.
“What? No, I don’t know where your stupid guitar pick is.” You grumble. “Get out.”
“It’s not in my room that has to mean you took it, where is it?”
Mingyu emerges from behind him, hand on his arm as he tries to pull his iron grip off of your doorway. “It’s probably just in your bag, you haven’t even looked!”
Kicking the covers off, you sit up in a disarray, progressively annoyed at your brother for ruining your perfect descent into dreamland.
“I don’t have shit, you just suck at keeping tabs on your stuff!” You grit.
There’s a stagnant pause as he stares at you from the doorway. You can sense it coming. And it does.
“MOM! SHE JUST SWORE!” He yells into the hallway, bounding to where your mother was, leaving an unsure Mingyu in your doorway.
Surprisingly, you were just glad he was gone, wanting to melt back into the covers. You make eye contact with Mingyu. “I really don’t have it.”
“It’s probably in there somewhere, he’s just not looking.” He mumbles, standing a little awkward. “Um, go back to whatever it was, I’ll close your door.”
He does so, allowing you to finally slump back into your pillows to go back to your nap.
You find out quickly that you couldn't sleep after that.
The controller is becoming increasingly uncomfortable to hold. It doesn’t help that you’re brother is chewing on his four additional pieces of gum behind you on the couch, making obnoxious comments about your gaming form.
You’re also sitting a foot away from Kim Mingyu on the floor, with whom you’re forced to battle out on Mario Kart.
“Why’re you clicking the buttons so hard, chill out.” You heat Seokmin say, continued by his wet chomping right by your ear.
“How hard is it to chew with your mouth closed?” Mingyu grits.
“What? Like this?” Seokmin leans over to Mingyu, chewing even louder, mouth wrenched open and closed right into his ear. Mingyu makes a sound before falling to his side, covering his ears at the ghastly sound, pushing him back with his free hand to shut him up.
You barely crack a smile at the unfolding, watching them continue to wrestle half on the floor. It’s noisy when you set your controller down, chest heavy, unfolding your legs to walk into the hallway to your room. Unnoticed.
You only reemerge to feed yourself, inspecting the fridge for possible leftovers. Settling on an apple, you’re closing the fridge when you see Mingyu walk in, seemingly taken aback to see you there. You freeze with your mouth still attached to the apple to take a bite.
“Oh! Where’d you go when we were playing? Didn't notice you gone till I got him to spit that wad of gum out his mouth.”
“Uh, just tired. Took a nap.”
He hums in response and you're just about to leave when he starts talking again.
“Hey, did you move the popcorn somewhere else? Could’ve sworn it was in here last week,” he mumbles as he rummages through a cabinet.
“Oh. Um. It’s in the pantry.” You move before you can think, grabbing the box and slamming it on the counter, pausing briefly before reaching for the popcorn bowl and setting it on the counter next to it. “Here.”
You don’t wait for a reply before grabbing your apple and moving out the kitchen, only to bump into your brother at the door.
“Where’ve you been?”
“Napping,” you say, moving around him to go your own way but are stopped yet again as he calls for you.
“We’re gonna watch a movie! You can lie on the couch.”
Turning around, you catch sight of your brother still in the doorway, and more intriguing, Mingyu also expecting an answer from inside the kitchen behind him. You gulp as you attempt to remain casual.
“Nah, I’m good. You guys have fun.”
You’re nearly at your door when you hear your brother speak. “She didn’t even ask what we were watching.”
Nayeon catches up with you before you notice, pulling your headphones away from your ears to announce her presence, not slowing down as you walked to campus.
“Are you still upset about that Mingyu thing?” She asks when noting your silent demeanor. “We talked about this, come on.”
“Yeah and we concluded that it’s not an easy thing for me to just get over.” You huffed.
“You know what he’s like…”
“Which is why I should’ve seen this all coming.” You turn around the corner with her.
“That’s not what I meant either.”
“I don’t know what came over me that day. I was doing so well for so long and I had to go ruin it because I’m – I deluded myself into thinking I had a chance.” You’re breathing heavily when you find a table in the air conditioned common room, yanking your bag off and slumping into the sofa. “None of this would’ve happened if I just shut the fuck up.”
“What wouldn’t have happened?” Seungcheol plops down next to Nayeon, butting into the conversation.
“Aren’t you intrigued.” Nayeon muses.
“Especially when it’s none of my business.”
“Charming.”
“Anywho,” he sighs, throwing himself back against the couch. “I’ve been tasked with rounding people up for an assignment.”
“Are you gonna experiment on us?” you ask, referring to his chemistry major.
“Nah, this is for an elective. Faculty needs volunteers for a photography class.”
“So they need models?” You ask.
“I mean, anyone who signs up is automatically a model, so yeah they need models.”
“Are we getting paid?”
“You get to say you modeled for me.”
“How convincing.” Nayeon deadpans.
You’re stifling a snicker as you see Joshua walking up to where you were sat, planting himself next to you.
“What’re we talking about?” He asks, pulling his laptop out almost immediately.
“Nothing, just how Seungcheol needs a reality check,” you sigh.
He barely acknowledges the comment, going straight to business typing away. “Hey, you're staying for the summer right?”
“Ew,” Seungcheol voices.
“I am,” You confirm.
“For what?” He sputters.
“Is this you offering to pay for a round trip?”
He silences quickly after that, giving room for Joshua to ask his next question.
“Are your parents coming for your brother’s grad?”
“Mhm, only for the night, though.”
“Oh, did you hear back from the bookstore too?” he asks.
“I’m gonna apply right before break, I’m swamped right now.”
“Let me know when you do, the restaurant might need another hire, you could work there if you want.”
You make a face. “Appreciate the sentiment but I don’t think I’m in the right state of mind to be working in customer service.”
Joshua’s hands freeze over his keyboard as he breathes out a delayed laugh. Nayeon mimics him.
“Right state of mind?” Seungcheol’s eyebrows are furrowed. “Wait, what were you talking about before I sat down again-”
He’s cut off by a voice bellowing your name from across the common room. All four of you perk up at the sound, locking in on Mika aggressively pointing her wrist at you from yards away. You sit up with a jerk, checking the time. You were nearly thirty minutes late for your lecture.
“Josh, move.” You basically climb over him to get out of your seat, waving a hasty goodbye as you sprint to an exasperated Mika.
“I’ve been waiting outside the hall for ages, you said we’d go in together!” she chides as you both speedwalk.
“Sorry, I lost track of time…” You huff out a breath. “I just started talking about…whatever.”
“Why’d you have that face on in there?” she asks.
“Huh? Oh, I was-”
“Nevermind, I don’t wanna know.” She picks up the pace and reaches the door before you do, rendering it impossible for you to speak to her after that.
You’ve forgotten about it by the time you come home to an empty house, both Mika and Nayeon in your arms. It doesn’t take long for them to make themselves comfortable on the couch, looking at you expectantly like children waiting to be fed. You do that, courtesy of the half eaten pizza that sits on the coffee table.
“I think you need to get drunk,” Nayeon voices from her end of the couch.
Mika is immediate with her response, “Don’t encourage her.”
“Hey!” You pout, “I haven’t gotten drunk in a while.”
“Keep it that way,” she shudders, “don’t need another Mingyu fiasco.”
Your chewing slows at the sound of his name, a strange feeling settling in your stomach at the thought of him. Setting down your half eaten slice, you brush off your fingers.
“I mean…” Nayeon starts after a long pause.
“We don’t. Need another Mingyu fiasco, I mean.” You cut in.
“If only he’d learn to shut up.” Nayeon grumbles, a sour expression on her face.
Mika’s been shifting looks between the both of you, seemingly confused. “Am I missing something?”
Despite not having the intention, you find yourself telling her what you heard while enclosed in the staircase. You attempt to keep it concise, for the sake of your own sanity, but Nayeon’s grumbling is only pushing you deeper into a rant. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t let a couple frustrated tears make their way down your face.
Mika’s response as brisk as your explanation was passionate, brushing over the topic quickly before you got too heated. You appreciated it.
“Have you considered signing up for the photography thing?” Mika asks.
“You know, I was thinking about that too.” Nayeon pulls a finger up in signed patience to wait till she finished the remaining pizza in her mouth. “You should do it. It’ll put your mind off…him. You’ll be busier too.”
“I have a million things to do, I’m busy enough.” You retort.
“You’re busy studying at home. Where he could drop in at any point of day.” She points.
Your open your mouth to rebut again, only to close it as you fail to find a reason to deny her point. “Okay, still!”
“Just – think about it, okay. It’ll put more on your plate but maybe it’ll help.”
That was the last of your Mingyu talk, not that you could carry on when your brother comes slumping into the house after his class, stealing a slice of pizza as he makes his way to his room. He’s slumped at the shoulders, and you egg him to take a nap before he collapsed on the living room floor.
Both Nayeon and Mika are quick to leave after that, leaving you with leftover pizza and your thoughts.
You sprawl your things out on the coffee table, taking advantage of the silent house to get some work done. Nayeon was right, as you think of the prospect of Mingyu entering at any given moment to bother your brother as a constant threat.
It’s not until your prepping dinner with Seokmin that the project is brought up again.
“There’s leftover Chow Mein Mingyu made yesterday, shove that in too.” He yawns as he pushes the box over.
You can only stare at the box in mild agitation, contemplating if you should simply chuck it into the garbage chute. Unfortunately, by experience, you knew Mingyu made really good Chow Mein, so you begrudgingly slide the opened box into the microwave to heat up, deciding you’d push Seok to eat it before you have a chance to take a bite.
It’s silent while you eat, Seokmin still in a daze from his earlier nap, shoving spoonfuls of noodles in between bites of pizza. It’s not until your halfway through eating before he jolts up slightly like he’d just remembered something.
“Did you hear about that volunteering thing from the photography department? They want models for some project.”
“Oh, yeah.” You pause, thinking back to what Nayeon had proposed. “Are you gonna sign up?”
“No, but you should.”
“I don’t know, I still have a lot of prep for finals.”
“You get extra credit if it helps,” he notes.
That was news to you. There’s a frown on your face as you deny, “No, you don’t.”
“They’re doing it ‘cause they weren’t getting the response they wanted. I found out just now too, they’re gonna put it up on the bulletin tomorrow. Might wanna decide before then.”
There were no questions asked after the realization, blue light of the laptop casting your face aglow in the darkened room as you hit the big blue Confirm button on the website. Skimming through the subsequent email, you find you won’t be needed till next week, the date and time making it’s way to your calendar.
Now, if you had known what the next week truly held for you, there was no doubt you’d be sending in a cancellation email at first chance.
But you didn’t know. So you simply went to bed, falling asleep to the vague idea of searching for modeling tips on youtube during the coming weekend, entertaining the mild possibility that this might be the thing that puts you at peace at last.
The photography classes are held in regular lecture rooms, as you find out as you file into the sparingly filled hall at the date your calendar has graciously alerted you for. There was an image of a larger, more spacious area for a discipline pertaining to the arts, yet to be fair, the idea of having to create this form of art within a four walled containment did seem a little counter productive.
Nonetheless, you find yourself seated in a spare chair, waiting for the clock to hit nine on a Saturday morning for the shuffling professor at the front of the room to begin. Your eyes make passovers across the gradually filling room, searching for a semblance of Seuncheol’s bright blond hair to wave him over. There’s no sign of him five minutes before the minute hit twelve, and you’re thinking about slipping to the restroom before it can to kill the remaining time.
There’s another person filing into the room as you rise from your chair, and you pause in attempt to recognize Cheol in the grey zip up.
Except you don’t find Seungcheol, not at all.
Mingyu is walking into the classroom, gaze sweeping across the hall as he seats himself in the front bottom row, head thrown back as he sifts through his perfect hair with his fingers.
You aren't sure why your brows furrowed like they did, or why you planted your butt back onto the chair with the force that you did; especially when all you wanted to do was book it out of the room in full velocity.
He was taking this class. Of course you knew that, especially when it was all he would yap about at any point he graced your presence.
You can feel your purpose in the room fade to nothing as you register him as a unit. You want to blame someone, but you know it’s all you fault. You knew he’d be here; if your mind had only thought fit to remind you at any point in the past week.
In regular Mingyu fashion, if he’d seen you, he does nothing to show it as you find him unraveling a loose thread off of his jacket. You keep your eyes on him, remaining mortified at your blatant disregard to the information that Mingyu was also in this class. Come to think of it, it was probably Mingyu who told Seokmin about the added credit in the first place. You want to kick yourself for not questioning your brother’s apparent magical source of information.
There’s nothing that can be done as you feel Seungcheol finally slip into the seat next to you just as the professor in the front of the room begins to speak. You’re not in the right headspace to make conversation, so you're grateful for the small acknowledgment as the professor begins to drone.
“Each student has been given a theme to work with, they’re all different and given to the people whom I saw fit for the job. You’ll be receiving your packets with your theme today, so remember to pick them up from the front desk before you leave,” she begins.
“As for your models,” she switches to the next slide over to reveal a spreadsheet full of names. “Their names will be right next to yours, the photography students.”
The entire room lurches forward as a unit, eyes squinted and whispers exchanged as they search for their partners in the sea of names. Seungcheol is zooming in on the picture he took with his phone, eyes zooming over to find his name.
“Hey, I found yours!” he announces, moving the phone over to you.
He’s zoomed into your full name on the screen, and your moving the picture aside to see the name across from it. Except, you find you wish you hadn’t.
—Kim, Mingyu.
If you needed more confirmation that the universe was simply against you, you’d gotten the message as you prayed the letters would morph into something else before your very eyes.
You seem to have been staring at the name for too long, because Seungcheol snatches his phone back from your grip to see for himself after you refused to answer his questions of what the name next to yours was.
“Oh, it’s Mingyu! That’s easy, you're basically related.”
You wanted to slap him.
Before you can stop him, he’s yelling the boy’s name across the room amidst the growing chatter, the biggest, stupidest grin on his face. “Mingyu! I found your model, she’s right here!
You wanted to squeeze Seungcheol’s neck till his head popped off.
Mingyu turns around at the call, registering his friend’s words despite the growing noise. He registers you and you watch as he turns his head back at the projection, like he was confirming it was true.
Of course he’s as petrified as you are, if not more. But the embarrassment of his apparent disbelief made its hot way into your stomach and chest nonetheless, your breakfast threatening to make its way back up.
By the time the professor’s done with her bit and the room has begun to file out, you’ve found yourself standing outside the lecture hall in uncomfortable movement, shifting your weight between both feet and fiddling with the straps of your bag. Every passing face sends a jolt though your stomach as you calculate how jarring it would be if you left right this second without seeing him.
You're counting his steps inside your head, how he’d shuffle for his name on the packet he’s meant to receive, counting in any conversation he’d start with a friend or with the professor. A thought occurs to you, and you wonder if he was searching for you inside. You’re weighing between walking inside and leaving altogether when he makes the decision for you, walking out of the room, booklet in hand.
There goes the toast blaring its way back up your esophagus.
“Hey,” he says unceremoniously.
You respond with an unreasonably meek “Hi.”
“Seok didn’t tell me you signed up for this.” He points casually.
Well, Seok doesn’t need to tell you everything.
“Oh, I told him while he was like half asleep, pretty sure he thought he dreamt it.”
Mingyu snorts a little at that, a slight smile appearing on his face as he pictures a sleepy Seokmin.
“I can imagine,” he says, before he’s brought back to the matter at hand by you.
You clear your throat before you begin to talk, expression remaining neutral. “Do we need to get started right away?”
“Oh.” He seems a little taken aback at your forwardness. Like he didn’t know why you didn’t want to make small talk with him. “Uh, I don’t even know what theme I have yet. I’ll read over the packet and plan a couple things out before you have to come in.”
“That’s great.” You hold on the straps of your tote. “Text me when you need me.”
With that, you had spun on your heel and stalked away, not leaving room for him to retort with anything at all. You don’t look back.
Nayeon can do nothing but gape as she watches you hold back frustrated tears, picking apart the grass under you as you curse the heavens for your horrible fate. She’s absorbing the situation as you wallow, finding the words to say.
“Fuck, this is my fault,” she breathes out.
“No!” You gasp out, furiously wiping away the irritating tears. “It’s not. I just forgot, it’s my own fault. You were right for trying to get me to do it, it just…”
“You can’t ask to change partners?” she asks.
“I can’t!” You wail, “I’m supposed to not care, how is this me not caring?”
It was ridiculous. Truly. You were sobbing like a child over this, screaming about wanting to not care. But you did care. Too much. Nayeon can do little but hold you as you sniffle into her lap, feeling sick to your stomach at your own childish behaviour.
“Why am I crying about this, this is stupid.”
“You’re stressed, hon, that’s it. You’ve got a lot going on and this just multiplied it.” She’s running a soothing hand over your back. “Just let it out, you need it.”
You emerge from your hunched position to sit up straight, sniffling a little less as you calm down. “Should I withdraw from the project?”
“I mean, if you really want to,” she says softly.
“But?” You sense her apprehension.
“But, maybe you should give it a go.”
You can only blink at her with wet lashes.
“Think of it this way. You need to… build resistance, keep yourself around him regardless. There’s bound to come a point where you start to feel…nothing.”
“Are you trying to work exposure therapy on me?”
“Maybe? If that’s what it means. If you take yourself out of the project, it shows that you care. You need to pretend to not care before you can stop feeling the real thing.”
There’s a pause as you attempt to find reason in her words.
“Listen, I may be talking out of my ass, and if you do end up doing it, it’s gonna be hard – like a lot, but–”
“No. You’re making sense.”
“I am?” She blinks, taken aback at the realisation that you may be listening to her. You nod quietly, “You’re right, I can’t keep running away.”
“So, you’re gonna do it?” She confirms with wide eyes.
Once again, you find it within yourself to nod.
Yeah. You were gonna do it.
Being in Mingyu’s presence and feeling nothing may be the goal, but you realise quickly it’s going to take you a while to restrain the trailing eyes that follow him wherever he goes. Nayeon had warned you, but you realise you may be slightly ill-prepared.
The theme is light. Vague to you but he doesn’t seem too bothered by it. He isn’t looking at you as he talks, eyes darting between the laptop screen and the plethora of papers he’s scattered on the coffee table. “I don’t really have a colour preference for this one but a a deeper blue or a purple would fit pretty well with the sunlight on here.”
You can only nod along in mild understanding, most of your effort exerted on trying to keep your eyes on the screen where he’s pulling up a color wheel. “I probably have something.”
“Do you still have that button up Seok bought you? The one with the stripes?”
You recall the deep blue shirt your brother had gotten you for your first in class presentation, picturing it hung still in your closet. “Uh, yeah I do. I’ll wear it.”
“Bring options, whatever fits the colours. No turtlenecks or crewnecks though…” Mingyu continues to talk, taking notes for you in the process. Your mind, however, is somewhere else.
You hate how your mind takes you to a murkier place, one where the thought of him retaining memory of your closet pieces unprovoked has your neck tingling and your cheeks lifting. Trying to snap out of it before he notices your dazed expression, you pretend to flip through the couple papers in front of you, noting nothing.
“Other than that–” he’s cut off by his phone ringing on the table. Both your gazes dart to the caller ID, and you immediately wish you hadn’t as you register the pink heart on the end. Jia was calling.
He barely spares you a glance as he excuses himself in a mumble, something about being back in a second. You watch him leave through the cafe altogether, emerging on the other end of the glass walls in your direct vision. For the nth time that day, you find it impossible to tear your eyes away from his positively elated face, teeth out on display as talks to his girlfriend. You wonder what they’re talking about, if her face is beaming like his own, wherever she is.
You zone out as you wonder what it’d be like to be the receiving end of an expression like that. To have something within you to be worth his smile, his mumbled pardons and his uninterrupted space. There’s a part of you that wonders if its greed – you’ve gotten to see him nearly everyday for the past decade, perhaps you’ve run your tickets dry.
You realise quickly that Mingyu is no longer in your line of sight as you feel a ruffle on the chair as he sits back on his seat.
“I think we can wrap up here, let me take the first couple shots before I can see where to go with it afterwards.”
You sense his eager want to leave, and you cannot help but beat him to it for your own sake.
“Alright. I’ll see you friday then.” SLiding out of your seat, you make a halfhearted attempt at shuffling his papers in a neater pile, throwing him a half smile before grabbing your bag.
He isn’t watching you leave, you know that. Yet you find yourself refusing to slow down or look back till you round the corner, letting your shoulders finally slump and your pace to come to a temporary halt. It takes you another beat before you begin walking again, breathing in slowly as you navigate your way through the moderately crowded sidewalk. Nearly ramming into a fire hydrant, you shake off the seize that remains in your body, picking up the pace hoping it’d promote less thoughts.
It works, as you unlock your front door, finally shaking off the autopilot. Shifting to the kitchen is easy, rummaging the cabinets for your hidden stash of moonpies with the intention to devour the family box whole. You’re contemplating texting Seokmin to bring you actual food as you make your way to your bedroom, wanting nothing more than to let your covers absorb all the feelings that make you human.
You find it unfortunate as you catch sight of yourself in the full length mirror and the outfit you’d put together before you had left. Your mind goes back to pandemonium as you take in the details, wondering why on earth you’d put in so much effort for a conversation that lasted less than an hour. You tear your eyes away before you begin to truly hate yourself, ripping your jewelry off as you make a beeline to wash your face clean of the makeup you’d put on.
It becomes increasingly difficult to look at yourself even in the bathroom mirror, moisturizer going on more aggressively than what’s good for you. You feel a sting in the back of your eyes and owe it to the face wash.
It’s easier once you’re in bed, your laptop at the ready, and a text on its way as you bug your brother to bring you your favorite burger and milkshake combo. You put your immediate faith in your moonpies for now as you rip the first one open, letting the sweetness bring you a deluded happiness.
“His name hurts.” Your voice comes out echoey, the sound reverberating in the cavern of your chest. The shot on the table is inviting, but you can’t help but feel nauseous at the thought of downing it. Your fizzled out sprite is being good to you, so you let it.
“Hearing you talk about him hurts,” Mika slurs, slumping down onto the beanbag she’s dragged onto the scene, joining you and Nayeon next to the couch.
Letting out a loud sigh that you doubt she can hear over the bass booming across the house, you settle to rest your head back on the couch backrest, staring into the ceiling. “Imagine what it’s doing to me then.”
“I don’t need to.” You can hear the exasperation in her voice.
“Oh, hey, Hao!” Nayeon drags next to you and you lift your head up to see Mika’s boyfriend join her on the already tiny beanbag. He huffs out a hey between a slight smile, slumping almost entirely on his girlfriend. She pats his hair in silent regard.
“I read this research paper about how they can delete the memories out of your brain squiggles,” Nayeon pops in.
“Since when do you read academic material for interest?” Minghao mumbles, fingers busy playing with Mika’s hair.
The pair continue to bicker as your eyes trail across the moderately packed house, the party looking more lowbeat than any other Seungcheol extravaganzas. Not that you were complaining, but when you spot a certain someone, it’s hard not to.
Mingyu files into the kitchen with your brother in tow, beaming face evident over the island as he pours himself what looks like orange juice. Your mood is instantly soured.
“What study was that again?” You poke at Nayeon, the image of the man you wished for gone burned into your forebrain. She glances over to the open kitchen and realises what you’re talking about, coming around with a face of her own.
“That one’s gonna be a hard one to scrub out. But it’s okay, even the toughest stains succumb to bleach that’s strong enough,” she sighs. You’re barely listening to her analogy, not when he’s standing right there rendering it impossible for you to look anywhere else.
“You sound like a commercial.” You can almost hear the crinkle in Mika’s nose as she comments, and you can’t help but breathe out a laugh.
The rest continue with their conversation as you remain quiet for most of the exchange, eyes filling your heart heavy with the way they remain glued to the figure far out into the kitchen. It was less about the fact that you just wanted to look at him and more of how it was forcing you to think about your predicament; something that was weighing you down yet something you couldn’t help.
You can’t be entirely sure how long you managed to stare without getting caught, but when Mika calls your name out harsher than expected, you snap around to divert your attention.
“Huh?”
“Sixth time’s the charm, huh? Get it together, he’s not gonna look at you,” she huffs as she slumps back onto the beanbag, alone this time as you note that Minghao is gone.
It takes you a moment to gather what she had said, mouth gaping open and close as you try to conspire a proper response. “I wasn’t trying–”
“No. Save it. It was my fault for thinking I could sit here without having to sit through more of your Mingyu bullshit.” She’s shuffling out of her bean bag with mediocre difficulty, exasperation on her face as she trudges away to sit with her boyfriend and his friends on the seats on the middle of the floor.
The air seems to have knocked out of your chest as you find the capacity to process what just happened. Seemingly forgotten Nayeon was also here, you note the hand she places on your elbow as a sober attempt to get you to look at her.
The rest of the night passes in a nauseous blur, none that you could really make sense of. You bid Nayeon goodbye as you assured her you’d go home with your brother, waving goodbye to blurred taxi lights as she leaves you alone in front of a dwindling house.
The breath you let out is shaky as your feet remain planted on the concrete, the remnants of tonight passing over you as they came. Deciding you owed it to yourself, you let the tears well up in your eyes. As tired as you were of crying over what was essentially the same thing over and over again, you let yourself tire yourself out once more.
The party was over, and you knew that because you were walking home alone, hoping Nayeon would forgive you for lying to her. But you couldn’t possibly explain the tear stains on your cheeks to your brother, not when he knew nothing. It was better that way; you refuse to be the person that potentially ruins a friendship that’s lasted longer than any other.
You try to keep your sniffling to a minimum as you trudge slowly in the dark, not bothering to wipe your tears. Your stomping grows louder the more you grow frustrated with your thoughts, and it proves not too well for you. There’s a pair of headlights throwing light onto the oncoming street, illuminating you in the process. You want to kick yourself as the realisation settles in, praying the car would simply pass you. Considering the late hour and the fact that you were alone is hitting you at the worst time, wondering if you could pretend to make a call as you walked.
It’s a black sedan that rolls up next to you, slower than what’s considered a normal speed on an empty street. It honks and you nearly halt, owing to the shake that passes through your knees. It honks again, and you can’t help but look to the side to find a window rolled down.
Mingyu sits on the driver’s seat, leaning over to the empty passenger side to grab your attention.
“The Uber’s free! So is the driver,” he yells out the window. “Hop in.”
“I’m alright. I kinda wanna walk.” You shift your weight between your feet, the distance adding an awkward feel.
“Wasn’t asking. It’s the middle of the night, I’m not letting you walk alone.” As he speaks, another car passes from behind him, slowing down. You note the look the other driver is giving you through the window, and it’s enough to convince you to step into Mingyu’s car.
“I think we’re way past the point of formalities, don’t know why you hesitated.” He chuckles as he motions for you to click on your seatbelt. You fumble with it for a moment, his own fingers coming to the rescue to latch it on. You retract your fingers before they can brush with his own any further.
Settling into your seat, you choose to look forward as he picks up speed. “Uhm, just wanted to walk, it was nice outside.”
“Take someone with you next time, it’s nearly midnight,” he warns.
There’s a twinge of annoyance that emerges in the back of your mind for some reason, despite knowing full well that he was right. You just didn’t want to hear it from him.
It’s silent for a bit as the radio plays an uncharacteristically upbeat tune, prompting you to wonder if it was just you who felt the atmosphere pressing in on your chest.
“Did you not bring your car today?” he asks out of the blue, eyes remaining on the road as you glance up at him. One look at his side profile and you’re turning your gaze away.
“No, it’s at the workshop. I came with Nayeon.”
“Why didn’t you leave with her?”
“I…” You pause. “I told her I was gonna go with Seok.”
“Hm. That didn’t happen.”
“It’s like I said,” you mumble.
He hums again in response, dropping the subject.
“Listen, are you…are you okay?” he starts again and it has you looking back up at him.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” You try to hide the bitterness in your tone but it proves difficult.
“I couldn’t help but overhear but I was sitting right there. Hao was talking to Mika about something she’d said to you, about…” He trails off. “I mean, you looked a little upset, I just wanted to ask if you were okay.”
You bit your tongue. Hard.
He knew you were staring at him, he knew you weren’t over him. He knew you were still standing on the same square confinement from months ago. Never changed.
“I’m fine,” you reply, snappier than you had intended.
“Are you sure? I felt like I should’ve said something but Nayeon was right there so I thought…” He sounds unsure and when you see him look at you, with eyes filled with an emotion that makes you nearly gag, you almost lose it. You did not want him to pity you. Nor care for you; especially when it came from a place that nullifies your feelings. You didn’t want him to care for you for the sole reason that you were his best friend’s sister.
“Mingyu, I think it’s best if you drop it.”
“Of course. But it might help if you wanna, you know, feel your feelings.”
Fuck no, you weren’t crying in front of him. Not when you're sure he’s noticed the tear stains on your makeup.
“Mingyu, I said drop it. I don’t need your help, I don’t need to feel anything, I need you stop feeling like you’re obligated to care about me because you’re not.” The words come tumbling out before you can stop them, irritation laced in every snap and dent.
He says your name in an attempt to smooth you over. It only lands him in more trouble.
“No, listen, I get it. You’re uncomfortable about everything but you feel like you need to check up on me at the same time, and I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to worry about that. What happened, happened, and it’s my job to pick up the pieces because it’s my fault. You don’t need to meddle.” You’re breathing hard as you finish, finally settling back in your seat.
He’s already pulling up to your building, heat still penetrating the silence. You unbuckle your seatbelt, mumbling a thanks for the ride.
“Seok’s staying at Cheol’s tonight,” he calls out as you shuffle out the door. “Remember to lock the door.”
You stand sheepishly holding the open door as you nod quietly. “I’ll see you tomorrow for the shoot.”
Middle school was harder than you thought.
Not that you expected it to be easy, but you remained hopeful nonetheless. Fifth grade came plowing for you with an unexpected vigor, which you were feeling especially as you gripped your red marked paper with a vice grip.
It was Mingyu who had found you on the kitchen island sniffling, waiting for your mother to come home and ask you for your dreaded test results.
You drop your head in shame (even more so) when he asks you the inevitable question of “what’s wrong?” Your voice comes out as a mumble. “I failed my first test.”
He blinks as he stops in front of the fridge, opening it to emerge with a carton of chocolate milk and two monsters. He slides the carton over to you as he takes a seat on the other chair.
“Well, what did you get?” he asks as he pops his can open, ears studded black from the piercings he’d gotten done.
You mumble out the number in incoherence that has him hunching down to hear you.
“What?”
“A fifteen!” you finally huff out in exasperation.
“Hm. Better than me I think I got a two at some point. Don’t worry about it, it's not the end of the world.” He says. “D’you want me to turn that into a seventy five?”
You look up confused. “How?”
“You’ll see. Get me your test. And a red marker.”
On that day, Mingyu aided you in your first con, pulling lines to turn the one into a seven right before your eyes.
“There. Now don’t let her look at it too hard or check your answers. And only give it to her if she asks for it.”
He had left back to your brother’s room with the spare can of monster, leaving you to stash your test into your bag and move to seat yourself in a more natural position. You’d gotten away with it as your mother pats you on the back for your first attempt at a fifth grade paper, leaving you with a lesson to work harder, and a memory that stayed with you for years.
The following day is met with a pit of guilt sitting in your stomach before you could even recall the events of last night.
There’s little that you can do to prep as you’re supposed to change at the studio anyway, pushing the remnants of your makeup products into a pouch as a second thought. Your hair seemed fine, deciding you’d see to it if it needed changing when you got there.
You push your departure as far as you could, finding more things to do and more chores to finish before you were due to leave. It takes you a final look at the time before you finally decide to trudge to the door with your things. You cross paths with Seokmin who’s only just coming home, looking worse for wear. He barely acknowledges you as he makes a beeline for his bedroom, disappearing.
He’s probably fine.
By the time you get to the studio Mingyu is already in the middle of setting up, immersed in the switches behind giant studio lights. It’s dark, save for the one studio light thats already on, casting a light on the white backdrop, a single stool sits at the front. Looking around, the place casts an eerie atmosphere, the unattended stations and dark back rooms casting a shiver down your spine despite the Afternoon light outside. Perhaps you were acclimated to the hustle and bustle in behind the scene videos of photoshoots, yet here it was just you and Mingyu.
He doesn’t notice you come in right away, and you’re thankful for the opportunity to recast your words in your head, waiting to be uttered as soon as you say your hellos.
“Oh, hey,” he says normally.
“Hope I’m not too late.”
“No, you’re fine, I’m nearly done setting up,” he says, as he switches the second studio light on, doubling the glow in the room.
“Oh, okay.” Your voice comes out as an uncharacteristic whisper. “Uh, listen, Mingyu, I just wanted to apologize about last night. You were only asking and I was being too harsh.”
He picks up his back from his bent position to look at you, hand coming to rub the back of his neck. “Oh, no, don’t say that, It’s me who should be apologising. I shouldn’t have pried when you said you didn’t wanna talk about it. I’m sorry, really.”
You're opening your mouth to rebut, nails clashing onto each other as your fidgeting gets worse, but you decide to end it. “We’re both sorry, let’s just end this here.”
Both of you have slightly uncomfortable smiles on your faces as Mingyu continues to fidget with his cables and equipment. It went smoother than you’d thought, silently thanking him for keeping it from getting awkward – more awkward than necessary anyway.
“These ones are gonna be basic studies, establishing the usual studio lights in the beginning before we move to the more experimental shots.” He drags his own stool forward to sit directly across from you in front of the plain white backdrop. “Did you bring another black top?”
“I did, do you want me to change?”
“Not yet.” He positions the camera higher, looking like he’s ready. “Okay, relax your body. Shoulders back, chin down. Okay, now a smile, really small, barely there.”
He snaps his first photo and you nearly knock yourself backwards on the stool, lights going off at the shot damn near blinding you.
“You good?”
“I thought the flash was just gonna be your camera.” You frown, coming round.
“Nah, you’ll get used to it. Okay, back in position.”
He takes a couple more pictures, urging you to make miniscule changes to your poses, whatever feels good. You find yourself loosening up, your posture aiding you instead of working against you. “Try putting your hands on the stool, yeah like that, lean forward. Chin up a little more.”
The directions continue from behind the camera as he continues to flash away, and you do your utmost to not let the lights disorient you too much. He lets you take a break when you make a comment about the pure thermal energy in the room, your face no doubt shiny and red from the lights. You’re done after you take a couple more pictures after an outfit change, rendering you free to leave within the hour.
“I think you’re done,” he announces, stretching as he leaves his own stool. “I’ll send you deets for tomorrow, we’ll probably get a lot more done.”
“Oh, cool.”
Gathering your stuff doesn’t take you as you go up to tell him you’re about to leave. You find him fiddling with cables, packing everything up before leaving himself. You make a split second decision, dropping your bag before announcing yourself.
“Let me help.”
“Huh? Oh no, it’s fine. I just need to shove them in storage.”
“That’s alright, I’ll help. What d’you want me to do?”
“Uh, Maybe unplug all the ports, and um, turn the lights on too, I guess. It’s gonna get dark if you don’t.”
Cleaning up was easier when those god awful studio lights weren’t overheating the entire hall, collecting cables and putting equipment back into their places. It was over before you knew it.
“Is your car back from the workshop?” Mingyu yells from inside one of the side rooms collecting his stuff.
“Not yet, I’m getting it back on the 15th. Ordered a cab.”
“You’re going home from here, right?” He emerges from the room, arms in the middle of slipping into his jacket. “I’ll drive you.”
“No, it’s fine I have to meet Nayeon at uni and–”
“Even better, I was going there too. Come on, I just need to kill the lights.”
You’re out of saviours, evident as you slide into his car, yet again with no choice. It’s meant to be a short drive, considering the studio is barely ten minutes away from where you need to be, yet it feels like an impromptu road trip with the way the roads seem to stretch.
It’s significantly less awkward than last night, perhaps owed to him not being as inclined to make conversation, unlike last night.
By the time he’s pulling up, you already have your bag in hand, a thank you frozen on your tongue as you register who it is that’s standing outside the library. You groan internally as you see Nayeon waiting for you, immersed in something on her phone. Praying she stays occupied, you rush your, “thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow,” as you hope she doesn’t see you slip out of the familiar car.
She does notice. Looking up at the sound of yout door opening, she catches clear sight of you stepping out of the car, Mingyu in the driver’s seat. You can tell she’s subdued her reaction, but the eyebrows gives her away as they shoot up at the sight. Trudging up to her is a nightmare and a half, dreading the questions she’s going to ask as you hear Mingyu rev away.
“Are my eyes deceiving me?” she breathes out, eyes wide, mouth open in jest.
“Quit it, I have work to get done.” You choose to lead her straight into the library where you know she won’t be able to ask you any more probing questions.
That doesn’t seem to sedate her though as she continues to whisper a million questions, watching you pull your stuff out.
“I had a shoot with him today, he offered to drop me off and I couldn’t say no!”
“Oh my gosh!” she exclaims a little too loud, owing a couple nasty surrounding looks her way, including yours. She continues quieter, pulling your laptop away from you so you’d pay more attention to her. “How’d it go? Did you pose all sexy for him, did he look nervous?”
“I did not pose sexy, I posed normally, because I have a conscience,” you snap, yanking your laptop back from her grip.
She’s smiling like an idiot, unaffected by your annoyance. “Is he gonna drop you off after every shoot? Oh my god! Don’t you dare get your car from the garage, give it to Seokmin, or, or, tell them to keep it!”
“Nayeon, shush!” It’s your turn to whisper shout at her gradually increasing volume, pushing her to quit leaning over the desks.
“Okay, okay.” She sobers up.
“I’m supposed to be getting over him, why are you so happy about this? Indifference, remember? It was you who brought it up.”
“Yes, but you can’t tell me it doesn’t look, I don’t know, like, you know!”
Once she’s a little less giddy, you finally tell her about last night – leaving out the bit where he droppped you home for the sake of the library and its inhabitants.
“I mean, I know we aplogised and everything, but I felt a little less… on fire around him. Other than those stupid studio lights, those were turning the place into a sauna. But I could meet his eyes without hyperventilating,” you explain, eyes downcast as you speak.
“I imagine his eyes were covered with that camera anyway, but progress, I guess,” Nayeon comments.
“Maybe I needed to get mad at him to feel better, I don’t know. But it feels like I’m making progress for the first time.”
“I told you this would be good for you, give it a couple more weeks and it’ll be like Mingyu never happened.”
It takes a conscious attempt to not scoff. Like Mingyu never happened to your heart. That’s a heart you can’t recognise.
The first time Seokmin had brought girls over was a day you couldn’t forget, no matter how hard you tried.
You were padding down to the kitchen, still bleary eyed and pyjama clad from your nap, making a beeline for the fridge to get a glass of water. Your trip is cut short, however, when you realised the living room was not as empty as you expected. It’s a crowd (to your eleven year old self, anyway) of people your brother’s age. You catch a couple familiar faces, friends of your brother who visited often, Mingyu is part of the lumps on the couch with them.
What stumped you, however, were the girls that were seated in between, eyes equally trained on you as everyone else in the room.
“Oh, who’s this Seok?” one of the girls asked.
“My little sister. D’you wanna say hi?” he asked you, neck craned to look at you.
“Uh. Hi,” you whisper, gulping.
There’s a chorus of hi’s that came bounding at you. You could feel the embarrassment creep up your entire body, feeling conscious for the first time in your life. They were staring at you. They were smiling, but you hated it.
You weren’t thinking as you turned around to sprint back upstairs, not missing the tinkle of laughs coming from the living room.
“Oh, she’s cute,” you had heard. That had you nearly starting to cry.
You’d be lying if you said your little crush on Mingyu hadn’t started blossoming for a while at that point. Being younger meant you were constantly fighting to be seen, even more so when you’d do anything for Mingyu to look at you. Hogging your brother’s bean bag until you were kicked out, putting sparkly clips in your hair before you went to the kitchen, laughing especially loud when you knew he could hear.
And yet, despite everything, for the very first time, you hated that Mingyu was looking at you, watching you idle and awkward while he sat next to a bunch of prettier, older girls.
That night was of many firsts, including the first time you had ever cried over Mingyu.
Mingyu claimed this was the last shoot, that he’d be done after this final set of shots.
You’re having a hard time though, because he’s decided his studio for the day was gonna be at the top of a mountain at the asscrack of dawn.
“We have fifteen minutes,” he announces.
“To live?” You heave, crouching on the gravel to give your body a break.
“Till sunrise,” he interjects, reversing to get to your crouched figure. You feel him grab hold of the straps of your bag, swinging it over his own shoulder. “Come on, just a little more.”
“You’ve been saying that for an hour.” You groan, picking yourself up off the path to resume your trudging. Mingyu stays next to you this time.
“Did you pack your entire house in here, the fuck is this so heavy for,” he grunts.
“You're the one asking for a bajillion outfit changes, I’m just doing what you asked.”
“One change of clothes and a compact doesn’t weigh this much, are you disposing a body up here?”
“Might be yours if I don't see that damn railing in a minute.”
“I think you're hungry,” he huffs out.
“I think I need to never agree to do this again.”
“Salavation!” he yelps as he sees a vending machine in the distance, quite literally glowing (with its fluorescent lights).
“I don’t need a water bottle, Mingyu, I need to lie down.” Your voice grows more gruff by the minute, legs nearly giving away.
“No, the vending machine means…” He bounds up the last couple leaps to the glowing box with a burst of motivation. The slope turns flat at the horizon. “We’re here.”
Nearly falling to your knees at the sight of the long awaited arrival point, you drop to a nearby bench and lay flat on the stiff wood.
“How long till I need to look presentable? Because if it’s anything under thirty minutes, I’m tapping out.” You declare.
“I can give you five minutes, take it or leave it.” He barely sits down as he speaks while already unzipping his camera bag. The thought of lifting your arms is excruciating, so you rest your tongue and bite back a whine.
By the time you do find it within yourself to swing your legs back over the bench, the sky is shifting to a smoky navy, urging you to hurry up as you dry your sweat. You’re cringing as you press powder on your unclean face, but power through the final touches as you stretch while standing up straight.
The first rays of sunlight are just coming through as Mingyu calibrates his lenses, trying to figure out the best shots in the limited time frame you have. You listen to him as he directs you where he wants you, contorting your face into something akin to faux serene. It’s near impossible when the frown has molded itself into your face after what you’ve put your body through today.
“Think happy thoughts.” Mingyu calls out from behind his camera.
“Oh, I’m thinking real happy thoughts. Like the ice cold shower I’m about to take when I get home. My clean bed that’s gonna be nice to me when I lay in it. The leftover pasta in the fridge. My moonpies.”
He has to bring his face away from the camera to throw his head back in a breathy laugh, smile as wide as it could go. It does things to you, but you ignore it.
The summit isn’t entirely empty, noting a few people leaning against the railings, rendering it mostly quiet. All the more jarring becomes Mingyu’s phone as it blares into the silence, causing the both of you to jump at the sudden sound.
He checks the caller ID only to silence it and slip it back into his pocket.
You don’t get to ask who it was calling him so early in the morning, but get your answer when he immediately announces he’s done with his shots. The sun is higher up at this point, casting a more even orange glow across all the eye could see.
You suppose he’s in a hurry to get home, seeing as he has someone waiting on him. “Should we leave then?”
He swings the camera strap around his neck, forearms on the railing as he admires the view. “Give it a couple more minutes, I need to mentally prepare myself for the next hour.”
It’s hard for you to deny that, so you let yourself place your head into your crossed arms over the railing, staring into the glow. It’s silent for a while as the rays hit your face, warming you more than you’d like. You don’t make any effort to move though, deciding to appreciate the view while it was here, doubting you’d ever make the trek up here again. Not willingly, at least.
There’s a camera shutter that goes off next to you and you find Mingyu fidgeting with his camera as he tries to begin packing it up. You would help, but you’ve found yourself refraining from touching anything when it comes to his actual camera setup, opting to watch as he disassembles his lenses and pushes buttons to power off.
By the time you're trudging down the path you’d come up from, it’s bright and sunny, rendering it warmer than before. Going down, however, is proving easier as you appreciate the reduced strain in your calves, letting the recent conversation take you to a smoother route.
“When d’you think your gonna be done editing?” You ask at some point, the thought occurring to you that you’d only seen a couple pictures that he’d taken so far, oweing to his disapproval showing you all the raws before editing.
“Kinda have to get them edited and annotated by the due date, so probably by the end of the month.”
“D’you think I could get the ones you edit?”
“Why? D’you wanna kickstart a portfolio?” he muses.
“I think it’s normal to ask for my pictures you took of me,” you grunt.
He laughs it off. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll send them over.”
Mingyu doesn’t drop you off home this time, both of you slipping into your own cars at the base of the hiking trail, bidding your goodbyes. You’d gotten an earful from Nayeon for getting your car back from the garage so quickly, and while sitting in a car with him wasn’t so bad anymore, you choose to retain that distance regardless. This was work, You’re doing this because you have to, and the stupid extra credit that roped you into this in the first place.
Alas, as you start your engine, eyes cast towards Mingyu’s number plate right up front, you can’t help but feel…sad… remembering this was your last shoot. As emotionally vexing the experience was, you had grown to look forward to his discreet location pins and outfit plans, growing more comfortable with him by the meeting.
It almost felt like you and Mingyu were friends.
Your brother’s graduation was an ordeal to say the least. Your parents flying in was a plus, getting to see them at least once for the summer, even if it was just for the day.
The night is wrapped up fairly quickly, a big dinner with yours and Mingyu’s family to congratulate the freed graduates from their academic shackles. It dials back when Mingyu announces he’s gonna take a summer course for now to keep himself busy, wanting to wait a little before job hunting. Seokmin seems to express the same, wanting some time off for himself before entering the corporate world.
It’s when you get home and your brother is sending you all the pictures of today that you note one that stands out. It was of you and Mingyu, an inevitable one as your parents took turns to make sure everybody got solo shots with everyone.
You’d applaud the enthusiasm, but it was particularly unfortunate for you when the camera was thrust into your hands as Mingyu and Jia posed for nearly fifty pictures. You wouldn’t mind usually, but it just felt like a little too much in the moment.
Despite everything, you find yourself clicking on the Save button on the picture where you’re smiling a little too wide right next to him, for the sake of yourself.
Summer break rolls around with no more hiccups, if you’d count finals as anything other than strenuous. You were happy, with a new job to keep you company for the next three months as you lament not being able to go home.
Getting the job at the bookstore was easy, your shifts were reasonable and it didn’t pay half bad. You would’ve guessed they were desperate for a hire, but you appreciate the activity regardless. It’s not really hard work, you find out quickly. Manning the desk, shelving deposits and restocking supplies. Monotonous tasks yet ones that you find yourself slipping into quite easily.
After the last shoot at the mountain, it was basically radio silence from Mingyu. Not being able to catch him the rare chance he stopped by the house, both of you swamped with the end of semester throw up. You doubt he’d noticed, and you despair at the fact that you did, even if it was just a little.
“Oh, great, you’re here!” The owner greets you as you walk into the store, all smiles. She was a sweet lady, nicer than any other boss you’d ever had. “Was just waiting for you so I could leave, my daughter has a play she’s putting on today!”
“Oh, sorry to keep you!” You rush to set your bag down as she picks up her own things, coming around from the table to take her leave. “Hope the recital goes well, tell her I said good luck.”
“Will do.” She smiles before adding, “Oh and, somebody called an hour ago asking about our book bundles, he said he’d come in to check but he hasn’t yet. Thought I’d let you know in case he asks about the phone call.”
“Got it,” you confirm, waving as she walks out the door, “I’ll see you tomorrow!”
Breathing out a sigh, you find yourself relatively free this afternoon, a slow weekday as you pick your current read out of your bag to get comfortable for the long shift. You’re nearly through the halfway point when you hear the first jingle of the day, the bells attached to the door making their familiar chime
“Good afternoon!” You look up to greet the customer, dog earring your book before standing up from your seat.
The person who’d walked in wasn’t just any customer, you soon realise as you recognise the familiar shag of hair. Mingyu was here.
“Oh.” You can’t help but let it out when you register him, his own eyebrows shooting up at the sight of you behind the counter. Your next greeting comes out a little dumbly. “Hi.”
“Hey. What’re you doing here?” he asks, eyebrows furrowed as he takes you in.
“Um,” you glance at your obvious name tag. “I work here.”
“Oh, right, Seok mentioned you started working at a bookstore.” He throws his head back at the memory. “Hey, was it you over the phone earlier today? Didn’t sound like it.”
“Oh no, that was my boss, my shift started like an hour ago.” You confirm.
“Ah, I see.”
The silence is awkward for about five seconds before you jump into action. “You asked about a bundle over the phone?”
“Right, um,” he pauses to fish his phone out his pocket, scrolling for something. “It’s Jia’s birthday coming up, and there’s this book series she’s been wanting. Here.”
You need to remind yourself to pat yourself on the back for not shaking as you received his phone, mind remaining in the moment. “Oh yeah, we have those. Let me grab ‘em for you.”
He follows you through the columns of shelves as you navigate to find what he was looking for, stopping in front of the shelves. “There’s three of these, I can put them in a sleeve for you. Probably put a bow on it too if you want.”
“Okay, perfect. Do you guys have LP’s too?” he asks.
“Uh, yeah. Hold on, let me put these up front.”
You lead him to the back of the store. “The selection’s pretty small, the first shipment only came in like a month ago. I’m not sure if you’ll find what you want here.”
“She’s been talking about getting more LP’s after she got a new record player. Hasn’t mentioned anything she wants though,” he voices, thumbing through the selection.
“What does she listen to normally?” You ask before quickly adding, “So I can, maybe, help pick something she’d like.”
“Uh, older stuff? I should’ve snooped before coming, fuck.” He mumbles, thinking hard. “She barely plays it when I’m around but most of her LP’s are like Frank Sinatra and…Duran Duran was it?”
“Hm…” You hum as you flick through the dated section of the stockpile, “How’s this?’
He’s taking a look at the record you’ve handed him, scanning the tracklists on the back. “I’ll get this, I guess. I can always bring her around to get more that she likes.”
“D’you want a bow on this?” You ask, referring to the books you’re putting into the set sleeve, “You can pick your colour.”
He’s quick to pick the lilac ribbon, watching you as you tape it prettily on the box. You’re trying to curl the ribbon at the ends when he tries to make conversation.
“When does your shift end?”
If the man wasn’t quite literally buying a birthday present for his girlfriend (or if you had any memory of your own birthday), you’d think he was trying to hit on you. But he’s not. You know that.
“Ten-ish. Closing’s on me so I could technically leave an hour early and no one would know.” You snort.
“Everyday?” he asks incredulously.
“Minus weekends, the family takes care of that. They just need someone for afternoons and evenings on the weekdays. It’s not like I’m taking summer classes or anything, and it’s easy work.”
“Well, you’ll be pleased to find out you’ll most likely be available on the 27th of August, then.” He sing songs as he fishes his phone out to pay, a cheeky air in his expression.
You blink at him in confusion, waiting for him to explain. “Was I supposed to get that?”
He pushes his shoulders back, content expression on his face as he continues. “There’s a cultural art exhibition in two months, and I, have just found out I’ve been shortlisted for a spot.”
“A spot? Like to display your photos?!” You drop the card machine with a thud.
“Your photos. Prof liked the project so much she submitted some of ‘em as entries. It was super short notice, but they liked them, I guess.” His grin is wide, one that you find impossible to not reciprocate. “I just need you to sign a consent form and I’ll be all set to start prepping.”
“That’s insane, Mingyu, congratulations!” You exclaim, genuinely excited. “Are you gonna be using the same pictures?”
“Yup, I just need to fix the editing with my prof before they go up. You’re the first to find out, I just got out of the meeting.”
There’s a mix of hesitation before you utter your next proposal, a split second of bewilderment at what you were about to suggest. “Come over tonight, we can celebrate with Seok. Bring Jia along too, we can celebrate an early birthday.”
“I’ll see, she might be taking a bus home tonight for the weekend, might have to bother you by myself.”
The ache in your cheeks didn’t stop until well after Mingyu had left with his cargo, the elated feeling remaining for even longer after the fact. There was a point where it took you convincing to rid yourself of another intrusive, uneasy feeling, like you were taking a step back by being happy at his announcement.
It was, however, safe to call Mingyu a friend. Safe to be happy for him. Safe to have your heart swell at his achievement, having watched him work hard for it.
It was safe to feel.
This was horrible.
Truly.
You were trying to ignore it, the strange thumping noises coming from under your car, like it would go away if you pretended to not hear. There was a sliver of hope for you, barely five minutes away from home that you’d make it before your tire decided it had enough of trying to grab your attention.
But then it started screeching, and you had to stop before you caused a road fire.
“Tire? Didn’t you get them changed like last month?” Seokmin asks over the phone.
“Didn’t know new tires were immune to industrial blades, too. Are you gonna tell me I got ripped off?”
“Mingyu has a scissor jack, I’ll tell him to come to you.”
“Wait! You have a scissor jack, too! Why can’t you come?” You sputter at the sound, glancing at the 21:42 on the dial.
“He has my scissor jack, he’ll change it for you.” He grits back. “Besides, I’m not letting this face pack go to waste I just put it on.”
“Seok!”
“Stay in the car, lock the doors till he gets there.” He grounds.
“Seokmin!”
Beep.
The bastard hung up.
“Ugh!” you break from a tightened jaw, slamming the car door shut with passion as you huff into your seat, waiting for Mingyu.
Was Mingyu busy at 10:30 PM on a weekday? He was, actually.
He’d scrambled to finish up the last of his meeting with his professor, wrapped up in planning for the exhibition despite the two month time frame he’d been given. Exhibitions were a lot of paperwork, as he was finding out as he sweet talks Jia over the phone, promising to be with her within the next five minutes. Well, ten maybe, he has to grab butter from the store.
She sits on the kitchen counter as Mingyu makes her favourite. A strenuous task, but he’s willing to go through the double frying to make up for the time he’s lost. It’s not until he’s doing the post dinner dishes while Jia’s picking a movie in the living room that he’s met with another dilemma to handle.
He’s deflating as he stands, phone to ear as he listens to Seokmin about your situation. Glancing at the near 10:30 PM hand on the clock, he finds it difficult to refuse, especially when he’s told you’re alone and stranded on a highway. He thinks to Jia in the living room as he tells Seokmin he’s leaving the house to get to you.
He’d only be gone for barely 20 minutes. He’s changed plenty of tires, this should be quick and easy.
Slipping into the living room is easy, wrapping his arms around Jia from behind is even easier. It’s when he has to open his mouth that he begins to falter. Twenty minutes, he reminds himself.
“I have two I’ve heard are really good, you can pick which one we watch first,” she voices as she fluffs the pillows on the couch, ready to tuck in for the rest of the night.
“Babe?”
She spins around in his arms, coming up to fluff his flat hair too. “Hm?”
“Seok just called…”
Her face falls as he talks despite his best attempts to assure her he won’t be long.
“Twenty minutes?” she parrots, wanting his word.
“Fifteen.”
Whether Mingyu would keep his word is something he’d find out, but you had kept your word to Seokmin, staying in the car, doors locked till you saw Mingyu’s car pull up behind you in the rearview. The wretched scissor jack that’s caused all of this sits in his own boot as he yanks it out to bring it over to your car, where you stand arms crossed, face dejected.
“Were you waiting long?” He asks as he immediately crouches to fit the jack where he wants it.
“No, not really,” you reply. “I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here, if only Seok remembered to take the stupid scissor jack–”
“No, no, it’s okay. I wasn’t doing anything.” Lies. But you already sounded apologetic and he didn’t wanna hear you apologize any further.
“No, it’s not okay. The idiot’s relaxing with a stupid face mask on while you have to come out here and change a fucking tire, God, you have class tomorrow too, don’t you?”
“Not until the afternoon, I’m in the clear.” He springs up from his crouched position, pulling the jack with him. “Open the boot.”
Placing the scissor jack in your boot, he continues, a little breathless. “There, I’ll tell Seokmin I left it in your car. Or, you could do that.”
“Thanks, Mingyu. Really.”
He does nothing but flash a smile, doing his best to convince you you weren’t an inconvenience before having to see your apologetic face again. “Alright, I wanna see you drive off before I leave, go on.”
By the time Mingyu’s slamming the door of the house shut, it’s eighteen minutes on the dot. Jia doesn’t say much, excited to have him back in her arms.
“Wait!” he suddenly yelps, once he’s tucked in with her.
“What now?” she groans.
Mingyu’s bounding back to his bedroom, emerging a few moments later with a dark paper bag. He goes back to sit next to her on the couch, sliding the bag and its contents towards her.
“Here. We’re not gonna be together for your birthday, might as well give you your present the night before you leave.” His eyes are glinting, hopeful.
Jia expresses her thank you’s commenting on the ribbon and his LP choice, grinning widely.
Your name comes tumbling out of Mingyu’s mouth before he can stop himself. “She helped me pick it out!”
“You…took her with you?” She asks after a moment.
“She worked at the store! I didn’t know till I went there either.” Mingyu’s voice grows increasingly enthusiastic, seemingly unaware that his girlfriend was growing slightly irritated. “I’ll take you there when you get back, the selection’s small but she’ll probably help you pick out something you’d like. I only had to give her like two names before she figured it out.”
“Oh, that’s nice,” she comments, tight smile on her lips as she collects the book sleeve and the LP, placing them back into the bag and leaving them on the floor next to her.
Mingyu is blissfully unaware of the fuel he’s added to growing embers, munching away on his popcorn, eyes trained on the TV and its stimulating colours.
“I was talking to Jihyo the other day, super random but it came up while we were talking about you,” Jia starts experimentally.
“Huh?” He has her attention. And when she mentions your name, the part of him that’s always wondered when she’d bring it up comes out of dormancy.
“She said she…I don’t know, she said she liked you at some point, Like a lot, and for a while.” Jia sounds unsure, like she didn’t know if it was a good idea to bring you up.
Mingyu sighs as he rears himself for the inevitable conversation. “It’s—well, it was—just puppy love. I was around all the time and I guess she latched, I don’t know.”
Jia pauses, eyes remanging trained on the movie. “Does it make you uncomfy? That she liked you? Maybe she still does.”
“It doesn’t matter, does it? I’m around Seok which means I’m sometimes around her by default. Can’t help it. I mean, the photography thing kinda just happened but, I don’t really care. And she seems over it.”
Mingyu is rambling. He can feel it. Which is why he tries to end the conversation right there, tone nonchalant as he hopes the topic breezes past.
It doesn’t.
“You seemed pretty adamant in leaving, though.”
“Huh?”
“When she called just now.”
“Seok called, I had his scissor jack!”
“Why couldn’t he have grabbed it for you and helped his sister himself? He has a car too.” Jia’s paused the movie at this point, moving away from his arm she was leaning on, shifting to look at him fully.
“It would’ve taken him forever, she was alone in the middle of a highway at nearly eleven, you wanted me to leave her there?” Mingyu finds the conversation ridiculous, and it shows in the irritation that rises in his own voice.
“Mingyu, you can’t be upset with me right now,” she breathes out exasperated.
“I’m not? I get that you’re upset, I haven’t been around as much but you also know what this exhibition means to me. I need to put everything I have into this and it’s only for a couple months–”
“Mingyu, it’s not just the exhibition!”
“Jia, I can’t know if you don’t tell me what’s really bothering you, talk to me.” Mingyu’s begging at this point, wondering how it’s come to this in the first place.
“You can’t expect me to be okay with you going around wherever, whenever, when I know what kind of lifestyle you’ve come out of not even six months ago!”
Mingyu had come a long way from his galvanizing tendencies, doing absolutely everything he could to convince Jia he was serious about her. Unfortunately, this was not the first time his past had been brought up; in an argument or in a light hearted setting, and he wasn’t particularly fond of it.
“Are we in six months ago? Are you saying I’ve done nothing substantial for you to think I’m still fucking around? Either give me an instance or figure out what the real issue is!”
There’s a plaster of suffocation in the room, neither soul speaking a word. Until Jia finally speaks. “I wanna go home.”
It didn’t matter to Mingyu if she was expecting him to grovel, to ask her to stay and talk about this further. It was clear she wasn’t about to talk about anything pertinent at all, and definitely not tonight. He was tired, and frankly wanted to be alone right now.
“Fine.”
Silence penetrates all of his air for the entire car ride up until he’s entering his apartment for the third time that day. Not bothering to clean up the living room, he thinks he does himself a service so as to not be reminded of the past couple hours. He’s casting the place in complete darkness before moving to his room. Might as well get some work done.
There’s a conscious effort to not start slamming things, he succeeds mostly, his graphic tablet receiving the short end of the stick. Turning on his monitor, he’s met with his ongoing project still brought up on the screen.
It’s a picture of you. One he took in a greenhouse off the outskirts of the city, something you complained about extensively as the heat ruined both your mood and your hair. You were smiling regardless; a wide, happy smile as you looked into the camera, petunia’s and dahlia’s framing an illusion around your figure.
Mingyu feels the tension in his muscles begin to relax, his breathing evening out after what felt like hours. He becomes almost excited to pick up his stylus and work on the photo, the set up allowing him to dive right in. There was barely any work left, moving on as he finishes the photo and saves it.
It isn’t until he happens to click on the the last folder, the one where you both caught the sunrise after a strenuous hike. He can’t help but break into a hint of a smile at the memory of your broken figure at the pathway, cursing him for bringing you here so early in the morning. The pictures had come out good, especially when Mingyu opens a particular photo at the bottom of the folder, an extra from his initial round of editing for his actual project.
It’s of you (of course) with your chin tucked into your arms as you gaze at the scene from up above, beyond the railing. The sun is up higher at that point, but the cast remains as the top half of your face that wasn’t tucked in your arms is lit in an orange glow, eyes glistening like stars during the day, wide and beautiful.
Mingyu remembers the shot. It was an accident.
In an attempt to fiddle with the settings to turn off the camera, he ended up snapping a picture instead. The distinct click was noticed, never bothering to check what came out of it when he stuffed his camera back into his bag, nor when he sifted through his SD card.
It was like he was seeing the picture in a new light, and the potential it had to become something worth ogling at. He wonders what had come over him when he had placed the photo as a secondary option without another thought, lamenting at what could’ve been his actual final piece.
He stares and stares, attempting to draw maps of color rendering in his mind, yet all that comes up is his eyes zeroing in on your own. How they glisten. How they sparkle.
Part 2
#mingyu#mingyu fluff#mingyu smut#mingyu fic#mingyu imagines#mingyu scenarios#mingyu angst#seventeen#seventeen fluff#seventeen smut#seventeen angst#seventeen x reader#seventeen scenarios#seventeen fic#seventeen imagines#svt#svt fluff#svt angst#svt smut
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a very tired miguel who gets home from work and gets babied by his woman
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It's close to 9pm as you're lying on your bed. keeping your focus on the book you're reading, one that you failed to keep as a part of your routine due to your busy schedule with work. being a fashion designer has it's perks but it also has its dark sides too. especially when it comes to dealing with snobby ass clients
as you are about to flip to another page, you hear the front door opened. keys rattling against the ceramic bowl with a loud sigh follows after. a soft smile appears on your face soon as you realize who it is
“miguel? Is that you?” you softly call out your husband’s name while putting the book down.
"si, mi amor" he appears shortly by the doorway. your tall and handsome fiancee adorned in an unbuttoned white shirt that showcase a bit of his chest and paired with black trousers. a simple work attire but never fail to make your knees wobble. the sight could put any Greek Gods known to a man to shame.
your heart breaks a little seeing how tired he looks. his eye-bags are coming off too strong. a constant reminder on how he has been working himself far too hard despite you telling him to take it easy. but that's just how he is, stubborn.
"how's work my love?" you ask, watching him undress himself, revealing his exposed toned chest before putting the clothes away with the rest of his dirty ones in the bathroom. "I take it, it wasn't a good day?"
"you could say that" he replies tiredly, grabbing a pair of sweatpants off the chair and slipping it on. "trying to get ahold with the new recruits is a fucking job, Peter's been getting on my nerves and I'm working on advancing the technology we have right now in order for it to be easier to identify every single anomaly's DNA we've come across to. But the amount of hypotheses and research I've done are nowhere near close to how I want them to be."
"i would ask Tony Stark for help but que cabron esta muerto" he breathes out a sigh, pinching the thick skin between his brows. "I'm drained, mi amor... i can't fucking do this shit everytime--"
"no hey.. stop" you shake your head, hate having to see your man fronting a distressed look in his face. “come here, Miggy” you pout at him patting your chest for him to lay his head,
he sighs heavily. plopping into the bed and carefully lays himself on top of you. pounding head finding comfort in the warmth of your chest, snaking his big arms around your waist.
you put your arms around him, locking him tightly as your soft lips kiss his forehead making him purr.
“my pretty baby. exhausted aren't you? hm?” you ask in a cooing tone. he hums -- which sounded like a growl to you-- with a nod before nuzzling himself closer. “oh my poor poor baby... my handsome man. always working himself to the bone” another kiss on the forehead
“come up a little closer, hm?” you ask as he barely shifts his body. too lazy and far too comfortable in your arms like this for him to move.
you run your fingers through his soft hair, moving a piece that’s covering his forehead. looking down to see him close his eyes, yet not sleeping.
it’s so funny to see how this freakishly large- broad man who always seems to bring a cold presence that scares everyone off at work—which is technically true— then turns into a huge softie and a love puddle for you in a split seconds.
it’s truly a privilege that you’re the only one who gets to see and feel this
“look how cute you are, baby… do you know how cute you are, hm?” you coo at him, lips kissing his nose and the sharpness of his cheekbone. trying your best to console him in hopes of washing his stress away.
he lightly shakes his head. “no” a curt reply rolls of his mouth, drawing your body closer to him if that's even possible.
you pretend to gasp dramatically at his answer. fingers still stroking his hair lightly. “you don’t?! oh no! we have to fix that! you’re the cutest *kiss* most handsome *kiss* hardworking *kiss* man I’ve ever known” showering him with compliments in between kisses. he breathes out a small chuckle that muffles against your chest.
it’s obvious that miguel rarely gets treatments like this, he’s no one to shy from things but you're his only exception. the only person who truly can get him blush like a little kid when he's shown the slightest bit of affection.
“who’s baby are you hm? are you my baby?” a smile graces your lips as your eyes casting down to his pretty features.
“me. I’m your baby” he mumbles, tightening his grip around you. "always be your baby"
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inspired by @webslingingslasher their frat!peter work yall is making me [REDACTED] please go take a look!!
#miguel o’hara x reader#miguel o'hara x fem!reader#miguel o'hara blurbs#miguel o’hara imagine#miguel o'hara#miguel o'hara fluff
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