#they just didnt. so. what am I supposed to do
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okay, since the trailer is out, heres my obligitory message to the lmk fandom:
tag your spoilers
"but its just the trailer right now" not everyone watches those. i almost didn't because i like to be completely surprised. not everyone has watched it and not everyone is going to watch it
"what if its not plot related?" its still a spoiler. and a lot of people have different ideas of what is and isn't plot related. i've had major things spoiled for other fandoms cuz ppl didnt think they were that important, but they were to me
"how am i supposed to know if something is a spoiler?" if it has ANYTHING to do with the trailer or s5, its a spoiler. it doesnt matter if its just an outfit or an interesting pose a character is making. its from the new season, be it the trailer or the show itself, so therefore you need to mark it as so
if you really dont want to take the time to put "lmk s5" or "lmk s5 spoiler" for some reason, then at least put a page break and a warning
like this (dont worry there arent actual spoilers under the cut):
possible s5 spoilers!
like that. its that easy
for those that dont know how to do it, you click this button
its the same symbol on mobile too
and if youre posting on tiktok, please put a warning before the video that gives fans ample time to scroll away if they want to
i got spoiled for major things in s4 and was devastated because of it. so please, lets all tag accordingly this time? my rule of thumb is tagging a minimum of 2 months after the english comes out, but i personally tag past 4-5 months just to make sure.
okay, thats all from me. happy s5 yall! lets be kind and respectful to each other and the new studio <3
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man idk I think u just want ur fave to move on :/ pitting hatchling against two separate ppl isn’t very fair. they deserved the win my dude. if theyre gonna sweep let em sweep
lmao something something “look what the lobocorp girlies have to do to mimic even a fraction of hatchling’s power” or whatever
ig hatchling is just so doomed by the narrative they had to get double teamed so they could lose. double doomed by the narrative eh
Okay so I wasn't going to answer this at first but just. Real quick. Have you ever run a tournament? Not sarcastic, genuine question, have you? Because these things are a LOT of work. Like, I was SHOCKED at how much goes into these
So of COURSE I'm going to be biased! It's my tournament! If I'm not biased, if I have no one I'm rooting for, then it becomes boring and I won't want to work on it anymore. So for me, yeah, I do want Lyf to win actually. What's the point of a poll if the runner isn't so invested in the topic that they have their own personal favorites? Idk it would just seem really tedious to me to set up brackets full of people I don't give a shit about, but that's just my perspective
I am not denying that Hatchling is completely doomed though! I genuinely thought they could pull through, and I think the only reason they didn't is because it seemed like the poll only hit the Outer Wilds community two days before it ended. Which, still, coming back from a 70/30 split to then be that close to making it 50/50 is incredible, props to the Outer Wilds fans!
As far as I can tell, Carmen and Lyf both come from very small communities. This is the first time in the entire tournament that the small guys actually had a shot, and I am sorry that the Hatchling couldn't pull through. In all honesty, even after they teamed up, I thought Lyf and Carmen were dead. I did NOT think they would survive even together. So this was more a pleasant surprise for me, and not really anything planned.
Feel free to make your own tournament though! I'd love to vote for the Hatchling!
#if lyf and carmen die then they die#and we will continue on without them#they just didnt. so. what am I supposed to do#ALSO. there was not a single universe where they would not team up#because what the hell else am i supposed to do after a PERFECT 50/50????? kill one of them anyway?????#i hope this doesnt come off as rude. i tried not to read your ask as rude either#im just#poll runners get so much shit and no matter what you do people are going to be upset about SOMETHING#so i might as well make sure that i support my favorites as much as i can#because then people will still be upset but at least i sneaked in a little fun#between the people actively insulting jon and the sonic fans getting a bit upset their guy was up against a meme#the blocking sprees helped. the assholes are mostly gone. but goddamn. you cant win them all can you#doomed by the narrative showdown#asks#-R
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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Transcript:
Machine.
Does my ass look fat in this armor?
Audio source
#ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#ONE QUESTION. DO IT JIGGLE?! (i am swiftly beheaded for this)#its not obvious due to the helmet but hes supposed to be somewhat looking back at the 'camera' bro got caught in 4k. do u understand#i debated giving v1 a blank stare vs having more of an eye so i kinda went in the middle#in the source he says 'what do you mean yes?' afterwards but it didnt match the pic so i cut it out#i spent way too long on the art i will never do that again#chat never spend 20+ hours on a shitpost worst mistake of my life#future shitpost art will be a lot simpler like the stuff ive posted in the past i just was not normal about this#posts that put me on the 'cannot be left in a room with gabe' watchlist#who am i kidding i was already on the list#my art
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suicide cw
look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am.
ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.
this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.
He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!
you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.
it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions.
what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT.
am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!
yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).
The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.
#warning: do not read this post if you want me to be nice to james somerton. i am extremely mean in this post.#before anyone accuses me of shit i legit never contacted him myself or anyone involved. i am someone who witnessed this behavior repeatedly#again. i hope hes alive and well. the fact is him lying about this WOULD BE THE IDEAL SITUATION. BC NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THAT. but.#he HAS to forever be the victim in his eyes. attempting doesnt automatically mean youre free of sin.#its just terrible to see that regardless whether or not he did do it#its very clear his attempts to run away from his consequences are working on some people#we need to acknowledge that if your shitty ex friend can weaponize a threat to kill themselves#so can this internet person after being called out for horrendous shit#like what was the alterative? what were people supposed to fucking do? be nice about it?#yeah as if poc and trans women arent historically given shit for being 'too mean' about wanting justice.#this isnt just the plagiarism this is the fact a white dude has been parading himself as THE speaker for the gays(tm) but has been using hi#gayness to shield himself from his misogyny racism transphobia and antisemitism#its very clear regardless this means that ppl r going to side with him and then give him benefit of doubt#if you cant handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen dude. this is the consequences of your fucking actions.#hes a disgusting person who cant handle being told no so hes going to drag everyone down with him#like. idk this entire situation is frustrating to me.#its also frustrating ppl trying to be moral abt it like 'see! i knew this was bad all along!' no you didnt. shut it.#for the record im like mainly talking abt twit watching those spineless uwu cutesy ppl basically saying hes done noting wrong#oh and also alt righters who are clearly weaponinizing this where u know they wouldnt give a shit if a right ytber did this.#james somerton#idk might delete this later its just. ugh...
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Au idea I'll probably never write:
Steve as seven au, BUT he escapes at the same time as El in season 1. They get separated after Benny's, when seven tells eleven to run and definitely kills a couple government agents to give her more time.
So the a plot of will being missing and Mike finding El? Standard canon except El is ALSO looking for her brother and is worried about him. She sees that he's mostly safe and tries to help find will but also insists she go to her brother soon.
B plot of barb and Nancy...idk I haven't really thought about how that'd work without Steve's kickback. Maybe they go to a party (like actual party not the five person hangout) together and get separated and no one notices barb disappear from the edge of the lawn. Idk
The C plot is seven, kinda bloody and definitely cold, wandering out into the middle of the street, and one Robin Buckley almost running him over with her bike. She immediately clocks "guy who seems pretty fucked up" about him, and offers him a ride to her house. But Robin has never been the most coordinated of people and biking with a(admittedly probably too skinny) teenage boy sitting in her package rack is hard, and combine that with a guy driving like the devil's after him, they end up swerving of the road.
Eddie steps out, apologizes profusely, and offers them a ride. seven is sceptical, especially when both of them pause when he tells them his name, but does end up in the van. He finally gets a chance to breathe once they get to the Buckleys', and Robin gets him some leftovers.
He sits in front of the tv set to a blank station, tucks his head into his shirt instead of blindfolds, and tries to see El.
He sees her older, with flowers braided through long hair, laughing. Too far. He sees her with short curls, a patterned button down, eating something in a cone beside a mustachioed man. Too far again. He sees her tiny, scared, holding his own small hand. Not far enough.
Finally, finally, he sees her as she knows her now, mostly, standing beside a group of children and in front of a monster in a large room.
Eddie and Robin have no idea why their new friend? Has turned the tv on to static and is hiding in his shirt, but figure he's had a rough day. He pops his head back out, blood dripping from his nose, and grins, telling them he knows where his sister will be.
Anyways blah blah blah El sees where people ARE Steve sees where people have been/will be (based on where/who they are right now. Futura is constantly in motion etc).
Idk season 2 would happen very similar as canon minus stancy break up (they never date and are just friends) (also Steve tells Robin and Eddie he and El are safe and they pass it on to the kids) El finds Kali, Steve fights demodogs, etc etc.
But I want a (pre?) season 3 scene where Robin and Steve are hanging out as soulmates do, door closed because they are discussing Sensitive Subjects (gay shit) and giggling like schoolgirls. Hopper, in all his disappointed dad glory, opens the door and starts in on a rant about keeping the door open three inches.
Steve, bitch that he is, just tilts his head to the side and says "but that is for when we are with people we date. I am not dating Robin."
Hopper, not yet picking up what's happening, sighs. "Kid. It's about propriety. You can't be alone with Robin, because what if you do start dating. Then it's. You have to set an example for El!"(it would be a nice move bringing up Older Brother Responsibility, except...well.)
"but we aren't. I am dating someone else?"
"still need the door open three inches, pal. When El is home, at least"(El is almost always home)
"we do! And you complain about the loud music!"
"wait. Who are you dating? I thought Nancy was dating Jonathan still. She barely comes over." Hopper please pick up what Steve is putting down oh my god.
(hop has forgotten Robin is there and she is trying very hard not to make noise but Steve keeps meeting her eye sometimes because dear god. truly an iconic moment in friendship history.)
"yeah obviously. Eddie comes over all the time, though."
"what does Ed- oooh. Ah. I see. That's why you keep the door open even though he complains."
Steve nods like Hopper is the dumbest man on the planet. He might just be. "Yes. Because you said El had to and she asked why I didn't have to so then I started to leave it open when Eddie was over. At least Eddie doesn't laugh at you to your face"
"Eddie laughs behind my back?"
"he said you didn't know we were dating but I told him of course you knew, the door is open three inches."
Hopper clasps Steve's shoulders and looks him in the eye. "Steve, I need you to keep telling him that. And not mention this very awkward conversation we had."
"because he was right."
"he doesn't need to know that."
That's all I got lmao (also check the tag ramble I added lol)
#steve Harrington#robin buckley#eddie munson#el hopper#platonic stobin#steddie#steve and el#steve and hopper#steve is seven#finda writes stuff#hopper versus his childrens' boyfriends and his ongoing mission to have SOME authority over them#but anyway i love steve is seven aus but only really see ones where he escapes before el so thought this would be nest#*neat. also i love hopper adopting steve fics hehe#hop goes to joyce after this and is like. okay so he didnt tell me but thats because he thought i knew am i a bad dad#'hop. what are you talking about' 'steve and eddie are dating' 'yeah. what about it' 'i didnt know'#'theyre all over each other' 'so are him and robin! i thought they were just affectionate!' 'oh my god' 'no one else can ever know joyce'#'eddie sleeps over all the time' 'robin does too' 'the nicknames' 'robin calls steve babe' 'the whispering?'#'once AGAIN he and robin ALSO do that. how was i supposed to know he was dating eddie when he and his best friend also do that stuff?!'#'okay. thats fair jim. but what about the kissing' 'joyce.look into my eyes. he also. kisses. robin.' 'are all three of them dating?' 'no'#'huh. on the lips?' 'sometimes. its a playful smack.' 'and eddie?' 'okay admittedly. now that i think about it. very different than Robin
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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Sitting here wishing my ADHD was more severe just so people could realise I actually have a problem-
#adhd#probably adhd#undiagnosed neurodivergent#undiagnosed adhd#stuff like this makes me doubt if i have adhd at all#i tried to explain how when i was doing my gcse preparations i would take a day to do an essay#“oh it takes us a whole week”#NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEAN#I HAD A WEEK TO DO IT BUT I LEFT IT TO THE LAST DAY#ON THE LAST DAY I COULDNT PROCESS THE QUESTION#I KNEW WHAT IT WANTED. I KNEW WHAT I SHOULD WRITE. BUT I ALSO DIDNT#i love english. both language and literature#but it would take me hours to even work out what i was supposed to write unless it was under timed exam conditions#when it was timed the panic would put me into hyperdrive#but i only realised last night that maybe taking a full day to work out what to write on a simple essay might not be normal#but then people point out that this kinda thing is normal and i just. dont know.#do i have adhd or am i just giving myself excuses for being slow#or do i expect others to be so much faster and see myself as slow in comparison#im so sure i have adhd but i dont know either
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phone calls my detested
#i had to make a vet appointment and Wow i am not cut out for this whole independent adult thing lmfao#i had to write down a little script for myself...#i feel so bad for the receptionist i was stumbling and 'uhhhhh'ing my way through that call#fuck and when i was supposed to end the call. i didnt realize#I DONT KNOW THE PROTOCOL OKAY#do i hang up??? do i say bye??? she didnt say bye so was there something else i was supposed to say#she hung up so Yay but oughhhhhhh what the fuck#youre telling me people just Know how to carry a conversation? they just Know the routine? sounds fake#i had to rev myself up for the call too#put on a hat. put on sunglasses to trick my brain into thinking we're outside doing things thus fabricating confidence#phone in one hand fidget-dodecahedron in the other. Pacing#my brain is a normal brain that works perfectly fine thanks for asking#absolutely unprompted#i feel so connected to my neanderthal ancestors when i have to make a call#theyre being stalked by a smilodon... i have to talk to a person... same Fear <3#no but fr whenever i have to talk to someone my thought process shuts down Completely and i forget that im a living human being#fight or flight - neither. freeze and play dead#i think in my next life... i would like to be... a decorative plant#perhaps one of those tall ferns outside a seaside barbecue restaurant#i'd Win at that life. id be so good at photosynthesizing & rustling in the ocean breeze
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Template by @juni38
Im going to be completely frank with you all... and admit that I read these options and wasn't sure how to take this chart,,, so uh. Under the cut is Another Version. I'd apologize but I've given you the option to keep scrolling ¯\_(･･)_/¯
(If you notice characters missing on Kim's side, I probably figured she doesn't know who they are lol)
For the record,,, if they *wanted* me to pull their hair-- *is shot several times before I can continue*
Uhh Matthew is here because I have been converted fully on he/him or enby lesbian Matthew I think. He lives in my brain rent free now, very gender. I'd pull his hair but also I think he mostly just deserves to have it played with nicely.
And Scott's here because 1) I enjoy trans Scott, 2) Kim Pine Brain Rot possibly, 3) idk he's like,, the exception. God damnit, I've fallen for the inexplicable Scott Pilgrim Effect. What the fuck--
I did think about doing this chart like everyone was actually applicable to my tastes, but even if they were I think the ones I didn't put up would have to fall on the caress side bc I just don't feel that way abt them lol.
Again, not to say that's the case for the gals over on that side,,, I just think I would want to be gentle w them shxkdjsdhbd with the exception for Lynette who probably deserves to have her hair pulled, but again I fear she would Hurt Me,,, but maybe in a fun way,,,
Anyway No One Look At Me....
(,, also,,, Ramona is so far over bc I think she would enjoy it,, otherwise she'd be closer to Kim in that section. Same thing w Roxie)
If anyone actually looks at this version, I'm not opposed to doing a version like this for Kim btw! Just ask for it so I feel like I'm not just Dropping This and scurrying away
#sp comic#meme#kim pine#id tag more people but i Do Not Have The Strength....#also i like Living and I think the idea of more people seeing the suggestively taken one makes me want to Die a little#(not to say you cant reblog this or whatever im just being dramatic shdjejsdhdhgdd I am generally a fairly Reserved person)#for the kim chart- i based my other scott placement on the interaction theyve had here! i think if they interacted for real or more often +#+ he'd end up definitively in the Pull Roughly suggestion with most people#ooc#he maybe if i finish edits for everyone i could try this w the au stuff. kit's thoughts might be different here...#hey*#also let me know if i forgot anyone??? i thought abt including the robots but. no hair. and gideon the cat has Fur so. on technicality-#but like barring parents and peter i think i got most people#i guess if lainey was here she'd go somewhere in the middle or right? w/out knowing what she'd be like#FUCK I DIDNT MEAN TO POST THIS. I MEAN IT'S HERE NOW SO IM NOT REMOVING IT BUT I AM S C R E A M I N G I WASNT READY#ah i forgot crash and the boys actually. thats why i wasnt supposed to post this yet#uhhhh Pull Roughly for like all of them. except trasha. trasha gets head pats and a juice box#except for on Kim's chart. on Kim's chart she's in the pull roughly section I can't lie to myself. she hates that kid 😭 also on that note +#+ knives should probably be in the middle section. like she wants to pull it for her having copped her style and being stupid abt scott.#but I didn't put her there bc I feel like even if she wants to she wouldn't ya know? knives is a Precious Angel after all
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this morning has been so laughably crazy LOL
#couldnt get shit to work on the day of a big work release so i drove an hour into the office and didnt tell my team#bc they live way closer than i do and have shown up when ive done this before#and maybe i should have i just didnt want them to also come in#but then as i am getting my shit done the guy im waiting for a call from WALKS IN and sees me in office and well#we get what needs to be done done but now im like god my coworkers are going to be like why didnt you say you were coming in WE wouldve come#and i dont know how to say that i didnt say anything cause im wearing jeans and flip flops this was supposed to be an in and out situation#i fr thought no one would be here#well. im stuck now lol#i shouldnt have worn sandals
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#missed my social media activities from 2 months ago#not a single art flop#art that i had fun doing is actually art that people love too#hell my vikdecai art are fun and people hate me for it but i once got 5k likes from it and it felt so good like yay everyone loves vikdecai#idk if its shadowban or not#but now my art doesnt even reach 100 likes#10k “followers”#not even 100 likes#i know its because they didnt interact with me in a while so they cant see my post until someone famous rt it#but whennnn#i fucking hate that#also a bunch of mutual artists that i admire are suddenly unfollowing too#what the fuck#i hate it so much#i know the fix is to just get a viral tweet#bcs 2 months ago the engagement increase was caused by one with 20k likes#but how am i supposed to do that when even my art cant reach 100 likes#it feels shit knowing how i enjoyed drawing this and then posting it and people say oh its fucking shit#dont even deserve a like#let alone let their followers see my art#disgusting#the artist should fucking die#fucking fag drawing gay shit#only pure white gays can draw gay shit#fag from indonesia like me should die
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The more I think about it the more I like the idea that mike was supposed to be the 4th and final sacrifice and him going to California kicked off every problem that Henry had in his plan, like it was Chrissy, Fred, max, and then mike. The plan was take max out for El and take mike out for Will, by the time they come back to Hawkins for the funerals all the gates are open and Wills mental state is worse for wear and for the first time he's without Mike, his rock. There's no longer anyone to pull him from the brink which makes Will perfect to manipulate and finally get on Henry's side for good. But Mike leaves and he suddenly needs a new number 4 so he finds Patrick and then max, his number 3, finds a loophole so he has to take Patrick instead as 3 and max becomes his final sacrifice. It all worked out in the end for him and Will was still drawn back but the only hitch in his plan is still Mike. He's still alive which means he needs to get rid of him in some way if he's ever going to have a chance to get to Will
#thinking thoughts thinking so many thoughts#which is why mike would be getting vecna'd without a clear reason as to why#bc hes not killing him to open a gate he just really REALLY wants him gone and yk 'if you want smthn done right you have to do it yourself'#i think the idea of mike screwing up another one of his plans is funnier than henry waiting for him to leave#bc chrissy was killed while mike was still in hawkins#but anyway its whatever fkbdbsbs#stranger things#mike wheeler#st5 speculation#st4 analysis#will byers#will byers has powers#byler#mike gets vecna'd#and the fact that patricks was weird and different and he didnt have the build up that everyone else did#....and mike is the only person who left hawkins#the potential flashbacks when henry reveals that he was supposed to be in Max's place....like the max reveal#when she was popping tylenol and getting nosebleeds and having nightmares#i am clawing at the walls#'i thought you were done. you got what you wanted! the gates are open! hawkins is in ruins!'#'oh dont be so naive michael.'
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i know the fascism intrinsic to zionism is obviously apparent on the face of it but it is really illustrative of Something that it has my so-called liberal father posting links to fucking prageru videos trying to manufacture consent for the murder of palestinian children
#i seriously dont know what to fucking do anymore i feel so lost and bleak and cant go to anyone with it#one of the posts was so deeply disturbing i find it utterly unforgivable. one of the most truly depraved things ive ever read#hopeless fruitless pointless#i cant fight him but i cant just smile and wave. Whats my option here. Cage cage forever.#i dont think i can ever forgive this and the worst part is i cant forget it lol#when we first started fighting when i was in high school it was about zionism!!! that was pointless too#but when he said shitty things then i didnt have a record of what he was saying. i’ll have this screenshot forever#how am i supposed to talk to him tomorrow without sobbing. Lol.#i have to go blow my brains out#delete later. I guess
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thinking of no capes au bruce with his still vigilante kids except he didn't drop out of med school and got a phd and helps to run Leslie Thompkins's clinic, and one night one of the batkids get injured so they take him/her to the clinic and see bruce there and their just like "BRUCE????" but with the spiderman pointing meme
I see this and I raise you: AU where Bruce is still Batman, the batkids are still robins, yet they have no idea their Dark Knight Mentor is their dad, infamous sugar baby, Bruce Wayne
#asks#bruce wayne#i just think of jason being like YEAH WELL WHAT OTHER JOB AM I SUPPOSED TO GET (bruce knows they do what they do)#AM I SUPPOSED TO MARRY INTO MONEY LIKE YOU DID#and later to batman. '' i didnt mean that. money is money and i don't care i just hate his husbands so much.#''#au
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angela
hi this is Really Funny but also this just got me thinking that. yknow. angela never really Did get to leave the library did she. like, regardless of if she Completes Her Plan, she still just... shes still just In The Library. all that work to Leave Her House and she just Doesnt Get To. thats fucked up
#pikasks#projmoon#i am so good at taking serious things and making them silly and taking silly things and making them sad. itseems. sjskjfj#i am not supposed 2 be awakw right now pardonme#its so fucked though somehow i didnt really piece that thruline together. im so sad.#makes this place to feel the freedom of living and yet she lives there; dies there; binds herself to it.#i need t rewatch the pale librarian alt but man. man. girlie what are you doing. why are you doing that. girlie please#girlies when they bind themself to the cycle; completely unaware of how tp function without it#completely trapping them in that same cage they wished desperately to escape from the beginning#girl it isnt rebellion to tie your own leash girl please this aint it#and then the other one is yknow. They Just Get Evicted. does she even leave there either? or is she still just hanging out?#graahhhh this is why its so hard t look into limbus all this shit will happen and ill just sit there like ';; i wonder how angelas doing...'#anyway . windowsmoviemaker dissolve effect disappears.
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