#i shouldnt have worn sandals | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

themeed · 3 years

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ive. never worn a bikini. like. not since puberty started at least. the few times i wanted to, at first, mum told me it would dall off. which. fair. i was very active as a child. she let me have a tankini. and then. next time she told me i was fat and it wouldnt look good on me. in more words, but that was the point of it. she mightve been trying to protect me, knowing she was assaulted... but i was. 13? 14? i just wanted to feel good about myself.

and she. contradicted that. pretty directly. she did that a lot really. encouraged me to wear conservative clothes, high collars, made disgusted faces and disapproving noises if i showed any amount of cleavage. did everything short of outright calling me a cow. pretty sure she did Actually say "you dont want to look like a slut do you?" at some point. though it was phrased more like "those are clothes that only sluts wear." aimed at leggings. low cut anything. tank tops. crop tops. long shirts with super short shorts. short shorts in general, or anything that went higher than 3 inches above the knee. miniskirts. hell, some sandals!

i just. i wanted to feel good about myself. and thats. affected me deeply. and it stems from HER judging other women for things they shouldnt be ashamed of. i think shes afraid and turning that into disgust. as if that mindset of "wear more than them so theyll get assaulted instead" has EVER helped someone. as if clothes are to blame, as if how we as a society talk about sex and consent isnt the thing we need to change, as if she ever called out my uncles weird touches and comments when i was younger.

as if she actually cared and bothered to educate herself instead just. acting on the societal norms and her own sense of fear and regret and trauma that she never fucking bothered to work through fully.

i. think i hate her for that. what shes contributing to. how she made me feel. how it affects me even now.

im gonna add this to unlocked memories.

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pozobetaz · 7 years

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11 Questions Tag

Tagged by: @lookingglasswolf

1. Would you rather meet a time traveling wizard or a friendly dinosaur that’s capable of speaking English?

A time travelling wizard, because what the fuck would a dinosaur talk about? Id probs learn a lot more from the wizard cuz time travelling is awesome.

2. Do you prefer waffles, pancakes, or neither?

Both is fine, waffles are better than pancakes but Id take either.

3. What’s your favorite article of clothing to wear?

Does it have to be clothing tho? Because Id pick my schechers sandals for sure.

4. What’s a moment in your life that you wish you could have approached a bit differently?

There were a few times that I wore my heart on my sleeve and got hurt. Or that I held onto someone that I shouldnt have for way too long. I wish I could be able to see someones true intentions before trusting them or getting too close. I tend to assume that the way I feel about someone, that they equally feel the same about me, and that is not the case.

5. If you could master any musical instrument, which one would it be?

Piano!!!!!!!!!

6. What word do you tend to use the most in conversations?

like, uhhh

7. What is one of the best days that you’ve ever had?

I would have to say that entire 5-day span of my trip to Izumi in November 2011. I know that might sound lame? I really don’t get out that much. And the bonded weeabo love we all had while we were there. I got to meet an amazing bunch of people and do some completely crazy shit with them. It was a rollercoaster of feels, an overall amazing experience that I will never (and hope to never) forget for the rest of my life. (11/11/11 never forget)

8. How would you feel if someone tried to hand you a spider?

Im going to assume its a pet spider and that it would be harmless, Id be freaked out for a minute but its not like Im going to squash someones pet spider that would just be rude.

9. If you have a favorite video game to play, which one is it?

League of Legends, and I only say that because I play it so damn much. You should have asked to name 3 of my favorite games for 3 of my favorite consoles! If so my answer would have been

1. Mario Bros 3 - NES

2. E.V.O. - SNES

3. Knights in the Nightmare - Nintendo DS

10. Name one of the coolest pairs of pants that you’ve ever owned?

BROOOOOOOOOOO when I was like 15 I found a hidden tub of clothing that my parents had from the 70s- early 80s that had been stored. My dad had these amazing flare jeans and I altered them so they would fit me and I fcking wore them until they couldnt be worn in public anymore hah. Im super sad they dont really make TRUE ‘flare’ jeans anymore..

11. If you could do anything at all right now that you really wanted, what would it be?

I would go to a beach somewhere. Put my feet in the water. Walk on a pier, eat ice cream. Watch birds fly by. Sit on a towel under an umbrella drinking an ice cold wine cooler. Ohhhhhh how I miss the beach :(

#im sorry carlie #i dont have the energy to tag anyone lol #tagged post

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