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#these movies mean so much to me you have no idea
monstersflashlight · 3 days
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Demon's imprint
Demon x fem!reader || breeding, cum-play
Maybe you were a bit of a cumslut for your demon boyfriend, so what? You were always eager to take his load, whichever hole he chose. His favorite was your pussy, but he didn’t discriminate about fucking your ass until you felt it gaping, his cum leaking out slowly as he watched. Or fucking your throat so thoroughly you could taste him for hours afterward, sometimes so much you couldn’t swallow fast enough. But he made sure to feed it back to you, to make you eat every single drop.
“What are those pills you take?” He asked one day.
“Contraceptives.” You answered, trying not to appear as nervous as you felt.
“What are contra-captives?” He mispronounced, making you bite your tongue not to laugh.
“Contraceptives. They are pills that prevent me from getting pregnant.” You explained, trying to sound nonchalant, you could feel the anger rising inside of him, the room around you getting a few degrees hotter.
“They what?” He looked so offended and taken aback that you had to suppress another laugh. You could feel he was mad at you, and laughing wouldn’t be a good idea.
“So I can have babies when I desire. So I can choose.”
“You don’t want babies with me?” He looked sad and you felt bad about it, but it wasn’t the moment yet.
“Of course I do, but not now.” You were new in the underworld, and you needed to settle in your job before you could think about that.
He looked thoughtful for a while, staring at you intensely. You could almost sense the twists and turns his brain was doing. “I can beat those pills.” He finally said.
“What do you mean?” You couldn’t stop the giggle to erupt.
“I can fill you so full of my cum you’d get pregnant either way. I can breed you.” He deadpanned. You felt a rush of hot molten arousal pooling at your lower abdomen at his words. Maybe him breeding you was a hotter idea than you thought.
“That’s not how it wo-” You couldn’t finish that thought before he was bending you over and ripping the back of your jeans, impaling you on his dick and coming deep inside.
It didn’t work. Not that time, not the other thousands he tried. You were not sure he understood how the pill worked, or how it made it impossible for him to get you pregnant. He tried and tried and got frustrated every time your period arrived again. But he kept fucking you, filling you like you were his personal cumdump, just a slut ready to take his load every time he desired. And you fucking loved it.
You loved the feel of him filling you so deep, pounding into you until you screamed, and then fucking you again just to feel you squirm against him, overstimulated. It didn’t help that you loved when he filled you to the brim and looked proud as his cum leaked out your pussy. He used you as he pleased, always making sure to cum deep inside of you, pushing his cum right into you again. He was sure it would work eventually.
“I stopped taking the pills.” You announced one afternoon, both of you sitting on the couch watching a movie. He didn’t say anything, just stood there for a few seconds processing your words.
You didn’t have time to react. His response was instantaneous, he grabbed you and threw you over his shoulder, racing through the apartment until he reached the bedroom. He dropped you onto the mattress and undressed as your body shook up and down, finally settling on your back. You tried to undress, but didn’t have time before his claws were tearing down your favorite dress, your panties flaying over his shoulder at the same time. In seconds, both of you were naked and panting, his wings flapping behind him, like every time he got a bit too excited.
He parted your legs and drove right in. His tongue longer than a human’s could reach every single part of you, playing with your G spot like it was his favorite candy. He pressed, licked, moved and teased until you were groaning and moaning. His claws pinching your hips as he held you down. Those were gonna bruise so prettily. Your hair was probably a mess, and sweat was pooling on your throat as he drove you right till the edge.
And stopped.
You cried out, grabbing and scratching his shoulders, the base of his wings, anything you could reach to try to make him keep going. But he held himself over your pussy, breathing over your clit and making you shiver. He looked up at you, his eyes wild, there was something there that you never saw before. A hunger so primal you felt a shiver of fear run down your back.
“You do it.” He said.
Confusion filled you. “What?” He took your hand and guided it to your pussy, pressing slightly into your opening.
“The claws… I- I can’t control the claws.” You were flabbergasted, since you started seeing each other he never had trouble controlling his powers around you, but his hands were shaking and his claws were leaving red marks over your thighs as he tried to control himself. You shouldn’t find that as hot as you did.
You took charge and started fingering yourself, his eyes hungry as he looked intensely where your fingers disappeared inside of you. You felt self-conscious having him so focused on you, but he was always like that, a bit too intense, a bit too otherworldly. And you loved it.
You went straight in with two fingers, then three, soon four. You knew that wasn’t nearly enough for you to take him.
“I’m ready. I’m ready.” You chanted as he scratched your clit with his claw. The rush of danger and excitement as he toyed with you, your vulnerable areas at his mercy.
You both knew you weren’t fully ready, but the desperation and neediness for each other was so big he didn’t care. You would probably be sore for days, but you needed his dick inside of you. You needed any part of him inside of you ASAP. He pushed inside of you, slowly at first, but you squeezed your muscles trying to drive him in deeper, faster, and with a roar he grave in. He pushed inside of you fully, breaching you as you panted and cried his name. He was so big, so fucking big you could feel it in the back of your throat as he pounded inside your pussy.
It was fast, and raw, and completely phenomenal. He fucked you with abandon. Some primal urge inside of him was making him say all kinds of filthy things, whispering them right next to your ear.
“You are such a slut for my dick, my little human cumdump. You love to take my cock, don’t you? You love to be filled to the brim until you can’t form words, until you can’t stop crying because of how good it feels.” Your brain felt fuzzy, the pleasure so high you could just nod, urging him deeper, faster, rougher. “You want more, little slut? You want to be filled with my cum until it overflows? You want to take it all?” You moaned. He pushed your legs up, your knees next to your ears, he folded you like a pretzel as he pounded into you.
He grabbed your hair roughly, making your neck strain. “Look at that little slut, can you see it?” And then you saw it, the imprint of his cock pushing against your lower abdomen, making it bulge every time he drove in. The pace was frantic, his breath labored as you panted and trashed, unable to move much as he used your hole like a fleshlight.
Your vision blacked out, the sounds around you collapsed as your orgasm took over you. The whole world disappeared as you climaxed. In the distance you could hear him screaming his own release, but you couldn’t focus. You blacked out completely.
Who knew how much time had passed, when you came back to your senses you could hear him whispering. “Such a pretty pussy, all red and puffy.” His fingers, now clawless, were caressing your pussy, pushing back inside every drop of his cum that leaked out of your well used hole. You whimpered. “Aw, little human… So adorable all fucked out.” You couldn’t articulate words, but he didn’t care for a response, he pushed his fingers right back inside of you, hitting your G spot perfectly.
You were overstimulated, unable to speak, but he didn’t care about that either. He kept finger fucking you, playing with his cum inside your pussy until you cried out again, your climax making your body convulse as you cried. He laughed, looking proud of himself as he took a plug out of the box and plugged you right up. “Not a single drop can leave that pretty pussy until I say so.” He ordered. You nodded, too tired to argue, too fucked out to form coherent thoughts.
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anastasiabowe · 11 hours
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I hope this isn't too much, but, can you write about JJK (Nanamin Toji and Choso) men and how they have a plus size girlfriend, and can you make it nsfw? It's ok if you can't! Happy Belated valentines day!💖💖
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𝙏𝙤𝙤 𝙋𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩 𝙁𝙤𝙧 𝙈𝙚 - JJK men with plus size reader!
note: I loved writing this so much, this is one of my favorite requests! Also I'm making my way through requests for real this time💀
𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨:
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♡ 𝙉𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙞 - The Admirer
Not another day goes by without Nanami being infatuated with you. Nanami always stops dead in his tracks when he sees you every morning dragging your feet into the kitchen, lazily smiling at him as you wiped the sleep from your eyes. He always puts whatever he was doing or eating down so he can get up and help wake you up with kisses and coffee breath.
Nanami never found anything wrong with you whenever you looked unhappy at yourself. He usually asks you what's the matter and gets shocked every time you mumble out "I'm fat." It hurts him every time you say that, knowing saying it seals it deeper into your head, making it a reality. Nanami never knew what to say when you say that but the usual "you're not fat, you're beautiful!" Which he too knows is getting old. Nanami knew nothing he said would completely erase the idea from your head since he himself is quite fit and muscular. But, he does know one way as to which helps you temporarily forget.
"Not there, Ngh! I'm sensitive there!" You squeal when he is laying on you, softly sucking on your tits. You guys didn't have much time, but he knew how to get you going fast.
"just relax baby, you know this feels good." His deep voice rung in your ears as he slowly brought his hand down to your cunt slipping it under your dress. "You're so beautiful Y/n, especially like this. You make me insane for you, absolutely psycho." He groans as he felt how wet you were. Your lips were red and wet from you biting on them. Everything felt so good, and there was nothing you wanted more than to be like this.
Nanami took his time, even though you guys had a dinner to attend, he had to slowly bring you to your high so it could crash down in the ultimate euphoric finish. He knew you were close by the increase of you squirming and pushing his shoulder with your hand so he could give your boobs a break.
"Uh uh, move your hands." He lowly commanded as his fingers inserted into you. You let out a moan gripping the back of Nanamin's head pushing him deeper into your chest.
"I-im cumming! Don't stop Kento, please don't stop!" You begged as he sped everything up. His tongue flicked your reddened nipples and his thumb circled your clit at the same time as his fingers fucked you finally pushing you over into a coma.
You let out a choked moan and Nanami chuckled as he helped you ride out your orgasm, taking his fingers from your cunt and and licked/sucked them clean.
"So fucking beautiful, fuck, it hurts just to look at you so cute and perfect for me. Too perfect for me."
♡ 𝙏𝙤𝙟𝙞 - The Fondler
Always touching you somewhere. You used to think that maybe he genuinely didn't realize how touchy he was, but you soon realized that he knows what he's doing. You guys could be simply watching a movie on a 4 seat couch, and out of those 4 seats, only 2 were taken. He would be either pulling you as close as you could into him, if he'd be laying on you.
He seemed like the type to hate clingy girls but he's the clingy one in the relationship! I mean everywhere you go, he's maybe 3 inches away, body touching yours, and hands gripping somewhere, and what I mean by somewhere, it's ass, tits, or thighs. You guys would be in Walmart and he'd have his hand in your back pant pocket, every once and a while squeezing your ass cheek. You guys could be driving home, his hand obviously on your thighs, or you could be simply reading a book in bed, and he'd be laying over you, one hand on your tits and the other holding his phone as he scrolled or watched something.
"Fucking love this ass, but you already know that though." Toji chuckled as his hips and your ass collided every 2 seconds. He loved how your ass rippled when you both made contact. He loved how he could grip you hips and squeeze the flesh on them, giving him the perfect handles to fuck you into oblivion. He knows that no matter how much he loves you and your body you will always find some reason to fucking hate yourself.
All through this fuck session, he keeps finding more things that you had said throughout the day about how much you hated your tummy, hated how wide you looked, hated your thighs and how they rubbed against each other, how much you hated how your feet hurt all the damn time. He never hated any of those, he never hated you, he never disliked any part of you, actually, how could he? You were so fine in so many different ways that even he himself gets surprised by, but he shouldn't because you are ethereal.
"Can't. Fucking. Get. Enough. Of. You." Toji said breathlessly as he now had you in the mating press. His hard chest against your soft tits felt so amazing in a weird way to him. Having your cute face so close, and your thighs wrapped around him had him cumming faster than usual.
"Sh-shit baby, I'm gonna cu-" he groaned loudly as he finished inside of you. You giggled, shocked he came this quick, but also turned on by how hot he was.
He didn't realize how much you turned him on until he really started thinking about it. Shit, now he's gonna have to work on not cumming so fast just thinking about you.
♡ 𝘾𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙤 - The Overachiever
Choso always felt like he had something to prove with you, but definitely not in a bad way. He genuinely thinks you are way out of his league. Anything you complained about, he'd be there to do it better and more efficiently. If your feet hurt, he'd give you a whole massage AND he'd wash your feet. If you didn't like how the food tasted from a fast food restaurant, he'd go back and order a new meal telling them exactly what to do and how to do it better. He wanted to praise you, wanted to be there at your every need and desire. And when I mean every need and desire, I mean every need and desire.
Choso would do everything in his power to let you know how much he loved you. If you complained about anything you didn't like about yourself, that'd be everything he worshiped until you thought differently.
So when you complained about how your tummy couldn't fit into your jeans, he'd fuck you and fondle and praise how much he loved your tummy, "Fuck, I fucking love your tummy so fucking much, love it so much I wanna see it full with my baby, fuck imagine having my baby, oh that'd be so fucking hot." Even though you knew what he was doing and how it might be corny sometimes, it still made you love yourself so much more.
On that matter, if you weighed yourself and complained how you gained a few pounds, he will strictly fuck you by either carrying you or having you sit on his face, his favorite was the latter.
"Cho baby, I can't!" You whispered as he tried to tug you down on his face.
"Yes you can, and you will. Sit on my fucking face." His usual soft and cute demeanor was shifted into a dominant commanding demeanor. You only held yourself up by the help of the headboard, not even trying to lower yourself, afraid you might hurt him.
"Chooo, I don't wanna hurt you, please can we do something else?" You cried out. You did deep down wanted to sit on his face and have him ruin you, but it'd be so embarrassing if he'd tap your leg because he felt like you were crushing him. Choso only sighed and forcefully pulled you down catching you off gaurd. His arms locked around the base of your thighs, securing you onto his face. He even pushed his face up into your cunt to get deeper. You let out a moan as you felt him instantly sucking on your clit.
"F-fuck Cho, feels so good!" He chuckled sending vibrations straight to your core. His fingers dug into your thighs as his eyes rolled back. Your hand found its way to Choso's dick, you leaned back a little and started pumping his rock hard dick. You began to feel confident that he was okay, and you could finally relax, which Choso was so happy you did. You tasted so amazing, and he felt so amazing tasting yummy, and you touching him. Soon Choso came, and you right after. Your body shook as he continued to hold you down on his face, overstimulating you both.
Choso finally released his grip, letting you get off of his face and lay beside him. He had a cute smile on his face and looked so out of it. You laughed and he looked over at you. "We need to do this more often."
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sailor-aviator · 3 days
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Hey.
Go ahead and get settled because this will be...long, in true Liz fashion.
So, by now I'm sure most of you have heard what's happened. If not, you can search this blog for some answers or others for more.
I joined this fandom offiicially at the end of September after being a long time lurker. I had just lost my job and times were uncertain for me. I felt inspired to write, and as someone whose formative years were shaped by the fandom experience, I wanted to feel that sense of belonging again - to feel like a part of a community. I've talked about it on here before, but I started my fandom days in the original Hunger Games fandom when the first movie had just come out, and then I shifted gears towards the SuperWhoLock fandom. If you know anything about SuperWhoLock, then you know you had to have pretty tough fucking skin to be a part of any of it.
Of course, this was back in the day when fandom was an actual community and not authors having to beg for scraps of engagement and people thinking its a numbers game. I was a fairly large blog within the SuperWhoLock community (Waywardly-Carrying-On was the username), but I left fandom for a few years because life got hectic and I felt like I had outgrown the fandom itself as I was no longer watching any of the shows. As the years went on, I started to yearn for the fandom experience again, which is how I found myself dipping toes into several different ones.
I was so excited to publish my first fanfic. I had convinced myself that I wasn't a good writer (much to the chagrin of my irl friends), and I had put a pause on writing my original story. I wanted to write this idea about a cowboy and a girl using characters that I had grown to love like I did way back in my older days. So, I started posting, and I was so excited for the story, that I kept posting almost daily. MamaMay was one of the first people to embrace not only my story, but me as a person into the fandom. She made me feel welcomed and wanted.
Pretty much right off the bat I was already getting anons telling me that I was being too much and that I needed to calm down with all the posting. I was confused because...this is Tumblr. It's literally a blogging website? Why wouldn't I post? I decided to ignore the mean words (not before giving my opinion, of course) and kept on doing my thing. Well, the anons got continually worse and worse. I had a suspiscion as to who the anons could be, but I never had concrete proof. So, I experimented with blocking suspects until finally it worked. I'm not naming names because that's not my style, so don't even bother asking.
The fact of the matter is, some of you have entered fandom spaces for the first time, and you don't know how to act. You don't care to learn fandom etiquette as you've made abundantly clear by calling fandom olds every name under the sun while utilizing the anonymous feature. Newsflash, you're part of the problem. You're the reason why authors don't want to publish anymore. You are the reason that something that's supposed to be fun is starting to feel like a goddamn chore.
How many times can authors on here say that we aren't machines? We have lives outside of this website: family, friends, jobs, school, etc. Some of you really are just hellbent on making everyone around you miserable, and it's sad. You can't just leave well enough alone and let people enjoy something, no you feel like everyone has to enjoy it the same way as you.
Some of you go after authors on here because of some weird sense of jealousy too. I don't know why my shit blew up, babe, I really don't. But I started out with no followers and no support just like everyone else. I'll tell you what helped me though: following fandom etiquette and reaching out to other creators to build an actual community. None of this "I've reblogged three of your things and now I'm messaging you so that you return the favor." No, I reached out to make actual friendships which is what fandom is SUPPOSED to be. If someone was clearly not interested, it was fine!! I backed off and kept doing my own thing.
Some of you think being mean on the internet makes you big and bad. Guess what! It doesn't! It's loser mentality and I feel genuinely sorry for you. I'm sorry that people in your own life made you feel so small as to feel like you had to lash out at strangers on the internet who are just trying to have fun.
Anyway, this is my really long way of saying that I am taking a break for a little bit. I have no idea how long it will be - could be the weekend, could be a couple of weeks, could be forever. I need time to decide if this is something I want to keep persuing. If I come back, I don't know if I will remain a TGM blog or if I'll shift gears and hop into another fandom with a rebrand. Guess we'll just have to see.
To the people on here who have been a constant source of joy, laughter, and support: thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Your presence has meant everything to me, and I hope that my break sees me wanting to come back and giggle about the silly plane movie with you all again.
Nothing but love,
Liz 💛
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sparkles-rule-4eva · 3 days
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Alrighty! @number-one-shadisper-shipper and I binged the Knuckles series today, so time for thoughts! SPOILER ALERT.
I'll admit the show wasn't perfect. I've seen the negative reviews, and I kinda get where they come from. BUT! I did enjoy this show greatly! And I'm not here to complain. Time for some happy thoughts, y'all! 💙🤩
I think you need to have a love, not just tolerance, for the SCU in order to properly enjoy this show. I do have such, so I had a lot of fun with it.
There were definitely scenes from every episode that had me either squealing, laughing, crying, or flipping out. But my favorite was likely the first episode, because come on, we saw the Wachowski family! Most of them, anyway! While I missed Tom's presence, I was grateful for that comment from Maddie about him being "out of town," so he wasn't just gone for no reason.
The SECOND it showed our three space babies hanging out together in their room?! I SCREAMED. THE BOYS!!!!
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Tails sitting on his bed tinkering with one of his gizmos, Sonic rocking out to music with an air guitar, and Knuckles exercising from one of the ceiling planks. IT'S THEM!!! They're just hanging out, doing their thing, looking oh so much like brothers. And Sonic's narration at the beginning was GOLD. 🤣💙
Even though we didn't get enough of Maddie being a parent, we definitely got a nice chunk for it only lasting part of an episode. Maddie called Knuckles "one of our kids" (that had me SCREECHING). The angry mama vibes were GOLDEN. 🤣 The way she made breakfast for them, the "Boys, breakfast is ready!" I love the normalcy of it! Can't wait to see more in the future! (Her calling to them with "boys" is somehow just the sweetest thing and I'm melting.)
The poor mailman being like "I just wanna go home, man" 🤣
We were right, fellas, Knuckles had no idea what being grounded meant. 🤣 Although the way Sonic piped up with "Oh, I definitely know what it means," has me suspecting that Sonic himself has gotten grounded a decent amount before. 😂
Knuckles trying to talk back, and Maddie going, "ExCUSE ME?!" then just making those tiny, terrifying noises and Sonic being like "Bro don't mess with Mom when she's mad" (okay, he didn't say "mom" and that made me sad, but the mom vibes were 110% there so I'm here for it). 😂 And since Knuckles snuck out and later Wade said, several times, "Aren't you grounded?" seems to confirm that this entire show is basically what Knuckles does when he's grounded. 🤣 Although ... his comment about not being able to be grounded because he had no home made me very sad. 😭
I did not have an issue with so much Wade screentime! Sure, he isn't my favorite SCU character, but I love what this show did with him! I'd already seen his moments in the movies (like nearly shooting Robotnik in the face with an actual handgun). I like how they gave him actual family issues; a dad who abandoned him and his family, a realistic sister, a mom. Bad family memories. Awkward reunions. They could've made it a joke, but they didn't, and I greatly appreciate that. Especially since I've witnessed firsthand how painful family separations can be. 😔
All the emotional talks Wade and Knuckles had caught me off guard in the best way! The way they talked about their different family issues, the way they talked of betrayal from friends, and being left alone, hit way harder than I was prepared for. Especially that talk they had at the burger place in the middle of the night? Oof. Good talk right there.
Also, even though they took a "show don't tell" take with it, I loved how Knuckles relaxed more and more throughout the show. In the beginning, he couldn't rest, he couldn't sit back and have a genuine good time. But the more he hung out with Wade and his family, the more he learned. He learned about music and found "his jam" (that was literally amazing btw). He watched movies with Mrs. Whipple and ate snacks in the hotel room in Reno and watched more movies. He had his teenager moments of rolling his eyes and rebelling, but he was so well portrayed here, I loved it. I felt for him.
Despite the bizarre nature of the episode "Flames of Disaster," (we were cracking up so hard) I'm trying to glean bits of the truth of Knuckles's story from the crazy musical play that Pachacamac put on in Wade's dream. I mean, "Longclaw" and her tribe were there, and ... what the heck was that giant demon thing?! Iblis?! Does our Knuckles Wachowski have an actual history with freaking Iblis?!?! 😱🔥
I was deeply intrigued by the two main antagonists, especially at the implication that G.U.N. did seem to exist before the events of the first movie?! Did it exist, get disbanded after the Maria incident, then get reformed?! My brain is exploding. 🤯 I was even more shocked that they apparently died? I guess I shouldn't be surprised, the Wachowski kids don't seem to have much qualms about getting rid of the baddies for good as the game versions do. That was a terrifying phenomenon, what happened with the two rings. 🫣
And then the Buyer getting crushed by the giant glass ball 👀
Although in those last two episodes, I admit I was freaking out and legitimately near tears at Wade's seemingly having to "betray" Knuckles. Before the reveal that all was in good communication, all I could think was how relaxed Knuckles finally seemed, chilling in the hotel room, being excited about whatever Wade wanted to "show" him, questioning whether it was a song, him declaring that he was going to bring his favorite hat, 🥹 all I could think was of their previous discussions about betrayal from friends and family, and when Knuckles called Wade "my friend" right before the elevator doors closed, I just about sobbed. I was like "please, don't let him be betrayed, don't let him have come all this way and relaxed so much only to get 'betrayed' once again by someone he's come to consider a friend." 😭 We heaved a HUGE sigh of relief when it revealed he was aware of the trap the whole time. 😪
Maternal instincts went nuts when he got so badly hurt in that final battle 😭 I literally reached for the screen several times and was right back to almost weeping 🥲 And someone tell me I wasn't the only one noticing the parallel in that scene with Wade standing in front of his unconscious body the way Tom did with Sonic in the first movie. That, PLUS Knuckles's epic comeback, and his retrieval of his own power?!?! EPIC!!!!
The ending was abrupt, sure, but the pure joy on Knuckles's face after everything as he jumped up to high five Wade was just too sweet. 🥹
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So yes, even though I would have loved just a little more, a return to Green Hills, a reunion with Maddie, Sonic, and Tails, I adored this show. It was a wild ride, full of laughs, tears, excited screeching, etc. 💙💛❤️ I don't care what anyone says, nothing will make me hate it.
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flight0fthenavigat0r · 24 hours
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A Goodbye to The Bad Batch
I don’t even know what to say first. Because this is goodbye, but it is also everything but. But I suppose I should start at the beginning.
Just a couple of years ago I found my love for Star Wars. My entire life, as far back as I can remember, my dad has tried to get me into the fandom. Now, he’s not a fan the exact same way some of us are, he’d only watched the saga and the Mandalorian, funnily enough I was the one to introduce him to The Clone Wars and beyond, but it’s been a joy in his life for a very long time. I was never interested in it when I was little, but then I got a little older and Star Wars started to capture my interest.
One random weekend, I believe in 2021 or 2022, I decided that I was going to watch all nine saga movies in those forty-eight hours, and then start on my goal to watch every show and the additional movies.
This is, without a shred of doubt, one of the greatest decisions I have ever made, and one that I will never regret. I would not be the person I am had I not given Star Wars a chance.
It would sound ridiculous to anyone anywhere else, but this has become such a safe place for me that I know I can be honest.
Everyone finds that one thing that makes them happy like nothing else. A person, a hobby, a place, a fandom. Mine is the galaxy far, far away that lets me escape from my life whenever I need to.
The Star Wars fandom has its faults, and there is so much hatred.
But more than anything, there is love like no love I have ever experienced before. The love between fans and our love for these movies and shows is something I never expected to have in my life. But somehow, for some reason, it has all found a permanent place in my heart, and I couldn’t be happier.
At this time, the first season of The Bad Batch had just been released. I was branching out, watching The Clone Wars and then jumping to The Book of Boba Fett, though I’m not sure why I chose to watch everything in such a completely random order.
But then I started The Bad Batch.
I had no idea what Crosshair, Tech, Wrecker, Hunter, Echo, and Omega would come to mean to me.
I have dealt with a lot in the last few years. Nothing compared to others, but depression finds a way to wedge into your life. I love to be alone, but I don’t like to be lonely, and I have managed to isolate myself to a point of misery.
I found more comfort in The Bad Batch than anything else in my life, and I will never forget the joy The Bad Batch brought me in these last few years.
I began to write when I found Star Wars, and I was inspired to do so by The Bad Batch. Before, I had never felt so compelled by any one piece of media to add my own part of it to the world, until this. Writing has become another escape, one that gives me an outlet to continue the stories of characters left behind.
What I already knew has been reaffirmed, the lessons I have learned remain with me, and will even after this is over.
That it’s okay to feel afraid, because everyone does, and to make mistakes, provided you learn from them.
That feeling out of place for one reason or another does not make you unworthy of love, and having limitations with affection isn’t something you need to apologize for.
That being goofy, having fun, finding joy in the dark places, is just as vital a part of life as anything else, if not what we need more than anything.
That taking time for yourself, to make sure you don’t fall apart, even while taking care of others, is important.
That our worst moments can be one of two things, what consumes us, or what we grow from.
That being a young woman is not a detriment to your worth, intelligence, talent, or any other aspect of life, but is in fact what makes you strongest.
That what makes us unique and our faults are a part of who we are, but they do not define us, and we are so much more than the ideas people have of us.
My only regret is not making friends when I had the chance. I’m bad at that, opening up and putting myself out there, and I shy away from talking to new people because it makes me uncomfortable. But I wish I had been able to put that aside before it was too late and found people who love The Bad Batch the way I do to continue talking to, even after the show ends.
But to all the people who have supported me and who I have supported, thank you for being part of my Bad Batch experience.
It's very difficult to believe that this is it.
Though The Bad Batch has not been around long, it feels like it has, because as long as I have been watching Star Wars, The Bad Batch has been in its active run, and I’m so grateful I got to be here when it was.
I know that even when the credits roll for the final time, when the greater fandom forgets the show that they never really understood the way we have, I’ll be here, and hopefully, so will all of you. I think that the family brought together by The Bad Batch will endure, even if we go quiet for a while.
We’ll stick around, for the day the Batch comes back. Because I know they will.
Thank you Clone Force 99, the Bad Batch fandom, Dee Bradley Baker, Michelle Ang, the Kiners, and everybody who played a part in telling this story.
The impact The Bad Batch has had on my life has been profound, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. It’s been a wild ride, and I have enjoyed every second of it. It has been a privilege to be a part of this piece in the ever growing history that makes up Star Wars.
Goodbye, Bad Batch. Until next time.
“Change takes getting used to. You’ll see. Just give it time.”
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oldhalloweentape · 1 day
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🪨Venture (OW II) x (gn) reader headcanons⛏️
(Start of Romantic Relationship Pt. II Edition!)
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(Not my picture!)
(Not much to say at the moment, hope you enjoy it nonetheless!!)
(Pt. I)
- Ok so, in comparison to the more common outdoor dates, indoor dates are just as eventful, especially movie dates.
- Alright so, I think out of the other genres, horror is their favorite out of the bunch, with an emphasis on the older and more dated ones. The ones with folklore and culture references being an all time favorite.
- After all, folklore is a kind of history that can give a person insight into the life and tribulations people from different periods and eras had to deal with.
- Anyway, I believe Sloane loves to just overanalyze these kinds of movies, having to restrain themselves from doing so while you two are still watching the movie.
- Has an obvious love for the Mummy movies, you’d have to pry that from my cold, dead, and mummified hands.
- As much as they love it, they still get a bit miffed about inaccuracies that seem so obvious to them. You have to remind them that movie people don’t exactly care for such things as passionately as they do.
- It doesn’t stop at folklore themed movies, or even the horror genre, I mean movies in general are parts of history solidified in amber to them, and they reasonably like indulging in them.
- They especially love to be doing it with you, an arm wrapped around your shoulders, teaching circles onto the skin of your arm as they shove popcorn into their mouth.
- Avid popcorn lover, eats up most of it the second they get their mitts on the bowl. Make sure they get their own bowl because they can and will try to gobble it all up.
- Thinks they’re slick with it too, like goes and kisses your head as they take a healthy handful from your bowl, shoveling it into their mouth hastily, and proceeds to laugh with a full mouth as you smack them on the chest when you realize what they did.
- Besides that, there are also other activities, for example, Lego dates, specifically making things like Lego bouquets.
- Considering you both might not have the time to tend to actual plants if you’re both either in Overwatch or as archeologists, legos are a nice stand-in.
- The overall idea of them never wilting or needing to be thrown away is plus as well!
- They may get distracted more than once, lose a couple pieces, but the end product is generally sound and looks mostly like the image on the box. They’re so proud of themselves about it too.
- Yet another thing they’re proud of, a vase they made at a pottery class date you guys decided to do just because.
- It’s another way for them to talk about the history of pottery and the use of clay, getting too caught up with what they were saying more than once.
- In the end they were able to produce a vase, a bit misshapen but nice and sturdy.
- It becomes the vase you guys use for the Lego bouquet. Yet another way to remember those moments between the two of you.
- They’re used to doing things that take physical exertion, but will always have a great time while dating you, being able to share anything and everything that loosely reminds them of that particular situation.
- In a nutshell, every date can be extremely fun for the two of you, which only solidifies the connection between the two of you and the desire to have you as a permanent staple in their life.
(Hope I'll be able to conjure something else for the first kiss and beginning relationship pt. III!)
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tipsyleaf · 3 days
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The relationship between Violet and her mother since she’s an angsty teen now I feel would just worsen a little when she found out she was having a little brother. They were probably so close when she was little. It was already a little rocky (what teen girl didn’t have a rough patch with their mom at that age. Ik I did) but the addition of a new baby just means less attention for her. She was probably too young to process it when Cecilia was born cause she was little but being a teen and the idea of having a new baby must be rough. Especially as the months pass on and her mom tries to bridge the gap between them before he’s born, only thankfully it was fixed after he entered the world :)
(Oh it be so sweet conversation though. I can only imagine the moment they finally talk it out.)
It's late at night. You can't fall back asleep after waking up for Scottie's 2am feeding and you're down in the living room, watching TV in the dark. Violet comes out of her room to get water and sees her mother awake on the couch. She just walks past with her water bottle not saying anything at all and grabs water from the fridge. Moving to go back to her room you finally say something.
"Not even gonna say hi?" Violet stops as she's about to step into the hallway, looking over her shoulder and nods.
"Hi..."
"You wanna sit with me for a few minutes?" Violet nods again, walking over and sitting at the other end of the couch. This is the farthest she's ever been from you in a long time. The air is thick and tense as you both watch whatever you have on.
"You okay?" Violet takes a sip of her water, nodding again, but she won't look at you.
The silence fills the room again, making the TV way too loud to you as you start thinking.
"This reminds me of when you were 3..." You smile, finally getting her attention to look at you.
"You got so mad at your father for giving me kisses first before you when he got back from a work trip and you refused to talk to him for 2 hours."
"I don't remember that." She moves closer, curling up into your side. You put your arm around her and kiss the top of her head. Smelling her lavender scent with an even bigger smile.
"Of course you don't, you were too little... Are you mad at me?" Violet tenses up under your touch. You look down lifting her face up, her eyes meeting yours. Slightly damp.
"Not mad just... Left out." The realization hits you. Ever since the baby was born you'd been so preoccupied making sure Cecilia knew you still loved her and take care of Scott... You forgot that your oldest still needed reassurance, even at her age.
"Aw, sweet pea... I'm sorry." You hug her tightly, rubbing her back as she hugs you for dear life.
"It's okay."
"No it's not. You deserve time with me... I know you sure as hell need a break from your father... He's so far up your ass he could tell you what your insides look like." She chuckles, smiling for the first time in a while as you kiss her forehead.
"Can we spend time together?"
"Of course honey! If you want to spend time with me or ever just need me we please tell me. I grew up with grandma and I'm thankful for her but she smothered me... So I thought giving you space was the right idea. I guess I gave you too much."
You sit back, continuing to rub her back as she relaxes into your side, thinking about anything and everything you could do together.
"Okay... How about instead of you doing daddy daughter day with your sister you come out with me? You always look so miserable when you come home from those."
"Ah... We always do such... Kiddie stuff. It's boring but I just can't tell Dad."
"Well, we can do more adult stuff together... Like, get a Mani Pedi... Go shopping, eat and maybe a movie? Would you like that?"
"I'd like that a lot actually... Thanks."
"Of course baby. Anything for you." You hug her tight again, squeezing her to you as she groans.
"Mommy please, I can't breathe." You let her go, smiling and holding her at arms length.
"Did you just call me Mommy?!" She looks embarrassed for a moment.
"Felt right... Just don't tell Dad or neither of us will hear the end of it."
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1moonflame8 · 1 day
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Things I honestly believe Crowley would say
A) Today I will be as useless as the 'G' in lasagna!
B) Gabriel: Was that a threat?
Crowley: Did it sound like a compliment?
C) I'm sorry what language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.
D) You think I give a fuck who doesn't like me? Bitch my own family doesn't like me!
E) I would like to apologize to anyone who I have not yet offended, please be patient and I will get to you shortly.
F) I'm sorry I don't take orders. I barely take suggestions.
G) My idea of 'help from above' is a sniper on a roof.
H) Don't fucking bark if you can't fucking bite.
I) My entire life can be summed up to one sentence..."Well that didn't go as planned!"
J) My Mama didn't raise no fool. A fucking psychopath maybe but not a fool.
K) Crowley: I didn't do it.
Aziraphle: Then why are you laughing.
Crowley: Because whoever did is a freaking genius!
L) Aziraphle: You have to listen to reason!
Crowley: But reason is boring!
M) Crowley: If you're going to break my heart, can we do it outside?
Aziraphle: But it's raining.
Crowley: That way I can go all-in on my melodramatic movie moment!
N) Beelzebub: Are you insane!?
Crowley: Do you really want me to answer that?
O) I'm going to pretend I got a super important text and go somewhere that's not here so...bye.
P) Now that I made it weird, I'm going to make my exit.
Q) Crowley: Will you be quiet!?
Gabriel: I didn't say anything!
Crowley: Well stop thinking so loud!
R) If you tell me again that we can't do this, I'm going to kick you somewhere you're not going to enjoy.
S) Haster: Are you even listening?
Crowley: Yes, it just takes me a while to process so much stupid all at once.
T) Gabriel: Why are you glaring at me?
Crowley: I'm hoping you'll spontaneously combust.
U) Crowley: Did you just... agree with me?
Aziraphale: Oh I wish I could take-
Crowley: Nope! You said it! No take-backs!
V) Eric: Okay, what did I do?
Crowley: What do you mean?
Eric: You look like you want to rip my head off.
Crowley: Sorry, that's just how my face works.
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aeomianamoure · 13 hours
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Headcanon/smut emo txt, emo txt x Coquette reader, soft.
recently I have been watching slaughtering movies and while I was watching it I imagined emo txt being so yandere... Like Slaughtering every person who gets near their friend, just to make her feel distant towards every person she talks to except for them.. Reassuring it was fine.. Then.. For like after days of hanging out.. Emo txt teaches reader how to drink and listen to PTV, So after like making the reader drunk emo txt fcks the reader's brains out ackk I know this is too much but trust me this scenerio is making me feral, I wanted to writ but I can't explain it..
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— emo slasher txt!
warnings <3: !death, yandere txt! , reader is a sweetheart but very brain washed , !smut , !slasher txt , kinda mean txt (sorry.. at least they think ur pretty :D ) , txt r obsessive in this fic like hiding under your air vents to watch you obsessive (im sorry) , established relationship between reader nd txt !! (txt x reader as bestfriends through memories) ,, !smut , alcohol drinking ,, ddlg if u squint ,, daddy kink !! ,, reader is codependent on txt ,, dark n toxic txt who is good at gaslighting ): ,, !crybaby reader who’s sensitive
a/n <3: i promise what you’re requesting isn’t too much!! i just hope i did my best and you enjoyed this fic ):
“crying already babydoll?” you hear your boyfriends rough voice whispering in your ear as you try your best not to cry out loud at how aggressive your boyfriend was rutting inside of you
although you were quiet; you still couldn’t help yourself from letting tears fall down our hooded eyes feeling yourself grow more tipsy and tipsy as time went by
you let out a soft gasp as you felt your boyfriend above you dig his fingertips harshly into the cheeks of your face before leaning in so close to your face you feel his minty breath fanning over your nose; “you know you’re so fuckin’ pretty when you cry you know that right?” he laughs sickly lightly slapping your face giggling like some type of maniac when you flinch and cry more
“my pretty little girl takin’ it so good and you’re not even fighting back” your boyfriends tone was filled with fake sympathy as he sped up his already harsh thrusts on your poor pussy
you could barely speak, the alcohol and sex making you feel so far gone but still you were able to keep track of what’s going on and where your surroundings were
“bet chaewon can’t make you feel this good huh baby? she can’t make your cunnie feel this good like i do can’t she?” your boyfriend begins to rub your sweet pussy as he can feel you close up on him signaling you were close to cumming
you felt your blood run cold at the mention of your now dead friend; “w-what?” you reply shakily “you heard me baby can chaewon make you feel this good like daddy does? i bet she can’t she doesn’t even know how to make you cum like i do” your boyfriends tone grows more sicker and sicker as you begin to panic at the idea of him having to do with your friends death.
but you didn’t wanna question him about that right now, you just knew that you were on the verge of cumming and after a nod in approval from your boyfriend you finally did
that following night you lay weakly in your boyfriends big strong arms, watching him through doe wide eyes as he lazily takes a puff out of blunt building up the courage to ask what the hell was that question he asked you while fucking your brains out
but you gulped back your question; scared of his answer and scared of his harsh reaction if you questioned him
your suspicions grew worse and worse the more your friends were randomly disappearing although your boyfriend hasn’t bought anyone of them up since that night you were still scared
eventually though due to your boyfriend distracting you; you have forgotten all about your friends deaths. only thinking about one thing and one thing only your boyfriend
you thought about what to wear to make him compliment you, what to say and how to act to make him wanna take care of you since all you ever wanted was to be taken care of by him
“you don’t need your friends baby you have me and that’s enough for you right?” your boyfriend would grip on your chin as you’d tell him you missed your old friends but with wide glimmering eyes you’d nod at his words eager to please him making grin like the cheshire cat
you tried to remember how life was before you become so dependent on your boyfriend; and maybe tried looking for the warnings signs and clues that maybe just maybe he had something to do with murders going around town but you wanted to make sure first
you huff looking back down on memory lane; sure your boyfriend was a red flag but he was no killer sure he put you on drugs and alcohol but that’s what normal bestfriends do right? and even so he’d make it up to you by gifting you his favorite pierce the veil cds so it’s all good right? plus he said he would never harm you!
you decided to finally give it a rest; being so brainwashed where you couldn’t even tell what your boyfriends warning signs were so you gave up maybe you’ll never know why you felt so distant from everybody
that was until you were awaken with the feeling of blood drip down to your stomach; opening your eyes gently to let out the biggest scream as you awaken in a bed in a unfamiliar basement with your friend chaewon’s already decaying dead body tied upside down from the ceiling
your boyfriend smiling in delight when you cried out for his help; even though the signs were there your boyfriend really was the mass murdered running around town even obvious signs like a pair of butterfly knives you’ve gifted him for christmas which again you didn’t think was that serious was splattered with fresh blood that didn’t belong to you just below your feet <3
a/n <3: i hope i brought ur vision to life anon i tried :(
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sawtrappedirl · 1 month
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Do you guys know how embarrassing it was telling my English professor about Re-Animator. This is why I should never get asked what I like unless you are prepared for a conversation as long as the Fitness Gram Pacer Test Audio. I was literally jumping up and down and waving my arms. This is fr why no one takes me seriously. Bro acting like a kid who just got ice cream. I was giggling so much too. Embarrassing. At least she’s a fan now!!
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mc-tummy-blur · 10 months
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Wait wait wait Nimona was trying to build a connection with Gloreth after being rejected by animals and Gloreth was accepting of her despite being a shape-shifter but Nimona was seen as a monster by the village which then made Gloreth switch her opinions because her parents and the village told her that Nimona was a monster and tried to kill her then 1000 years later Ballister ended up building a connection with Ambrosius a descendant of Golreth and after being rejected by the knights throughout his whole life basically since training started young Ambrosius was accepting of him despite being a commoner but then he was seen as a murderer by the town which had made Ambrosius changed his opinion on him because of what he had seen and what the knights/Director were telling him but unlike Gloreth who while was reluctant at first to treat Nimona as a monster but then gave into hating her and wanting her to die like the people around her did Ambrosius had been reluctant throughout the whole ordeal but in the end stayed committed to Ballister because he loved him despite what everyone else was saying about him and its like the movie was already drawing parallels to how Ballister and Nimona were the same and viewed as outcasts/monsters/murderers but there's notable parallels to Gloreth and Ambrosius in how they were people close to Nimona and Ballister and it came to a point where they had to go against them but the key difference in what happened was the side they chose and the aftermath when they were being forced to chose a side and it really showcases how their generations were different thus their mindsets were different in handling the situation and its just exactly like in real life when it comes to queer people like people especially children can be conditioned to hate queer people with enough fear mongering/hate speech and that's exactly what happened with Gloreth in how she ended up treating Nimona and it was going to happen with Ambrosius but a saving grace was that he was much older so it was harder to change his opinions on Ballister that and he is in a different time period than Gloreth showing how things had drastically changed and advanced in many areas and i feel that the whole point with the parallel between Gloreth and Ambrosius is that times have changed and how even though our past generations have treated queer people like they are monsters and that we should hate them when in reality its not too late for our generation to treat them like equals and that we should love them like holy shit this movie is so insanely and unapologetically queer in so many ways that I did not imagine was humanly possible
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blueumbriel · 2 years
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He really is like me fr
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andthebeanstalk · 1 year
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One of the things I love about Glass Onion is the way that the camera and music work together to tell nonverbal jokes.
Like when Benoit basically has to hold Miles' hand to get him to the conclusion that someone reset the puzzle box Benoit lies about receiving:
Benoit asks if it's possible that someone reset the box, and Miles then declares that someone must have reset the box like it is this huge reveal - and the camera zooms out while the music subtly swells as though he really has figured out something smart, when actually he literally restated what Benoit just said.
#original#I love the reveal that he's not even a smart con artist he's just a piece of shit#he's just a shameless copycat that people keep enabling to do bad things bc they assume he knows what he's talking about bc he's rich#like that line in Fiddler on the Roof - 'it won't matter if I'm wrong or if I'm right cuz you're rich they think you really know!'#glass onion#knives out glass onion#benoit blanc#Daniel Craig#ed norton#I hope the YouTuber sideways does a video about this because he does incredible music theory videos about movie scores#and I bet there are a bunch of hidden meanings within the music that I have no idea how to pick out#that man is like a wizard to me I don't understand how someone can understand music that much!#So cool!#I started this movie like 2 hours ago and I'm barely half an hour in cuz I keep stopping to write film theory essays on Tumblr#oh Adderall you cad!#I have no regrets I feel like this is helping me understand film better. i care a lot about the language of Storytelling#and I must say my favorite medium is film. I am writing a graphic novel right now but if I knew I could just skip that part and make it#into a show. I would do that. I don't wanna draw that much! I like drawing! but I want to see it as a show!!#this is too many drawings!!!!!#but for various reasons the film industry is not really a great place for me - or even possible as a physically disabled person#hard to work yourself up to the director's chair when all the entry positions involve standing for 14 hours at a time#I hope that if I ever do manage to make my graphic novel into a TV show that I will maintain enough control over the project to ensure#accessible hiring practices and workplaces#but in the meantime I guess I have to make waaaay too many drawings#no I can't shorten the story I don't have that kind of control it is an epic saga and the world's longest Slow Burn and that is that
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thepoisonroom · 4 months
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one of the funniest things about my worst ex that i didn't even know until this year is that they tried to use romantic lines on me that they'd lifted verbatim from casey mcquiston's red white and royal blue
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feline-evil · 8 days
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Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.
#metalocalypse#jay talkin#I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level#for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda#changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is#don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men#his transness wouldnt change that#only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically.#Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band#is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name;#over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had#he becomes more caring more supportive#it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind#and learns how to be a kinder man.#all of which have no contradictions with him being trans!#In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences#i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways#to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring.#Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL.#at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it#so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine#i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt#but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues#and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does#again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol#AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans#do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model#I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA
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fragmentedblade · 12 days
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"Though I don't know exactly what you are or what you're up to... My bullets will find you — until then, you best find a casket store in Penacony, and ask the owner to reserve a good quality casket for you, imposter!"
Hardly could get more Western film than this
#That one scene in A Fistful of Dollars#The casket maker doesn't appear that way in Yojimbo if I recall#I love those films so much#Boothill has such a... soft youthful voice? I didn't recognise him at first. His voice is beautiful though#I talk too much#Boothill#The way he awkwardly laughs a little and asks almost shy 'Did I make a mistake?' lmao#I was wondering how he got her number and she gave it to him but gave him Black Swan's?#Or was Black Swan talking about Constance when she mentioned that 'she' who gave Boothill her whereabouts? Or someone else altogether?#He was kind of cute with that 'Did I make a mistake?' haha#'get that forehead clean and wait for me' this man is hilarious and has watched far too many movies xD#'are you asking me to write your will? Sure‚ go ahead' omg stop hahahahaha#'Not quite' responds Black Swan. Truly an elegant lady. I would have mocked him to no end#Hilarious too the idea or possibility of her apparently clocking him by the way he talks#'She's clearly not a Pathstrider of The Hunt. But you are‚ aren't you?'#Of course it could be context but it'd be funny if simplistic perhaps to think it's his manner of speaking lol#'go buy a bottle of Asdana's White Oak and warm it up‚ and I'll raise a glass to you' this man is hilarious and would be unbearable irl xD#I love the idea of an Emanator of Nihility existing despite the impossible. It seems very fitting#Also‚ unrelated‚ but I love Aventurine's little whimpers before his 'Didn't think you'd have the nerve to show yourself'#When Ratio claims he 'is the manager of this task' does he mean as undertaker or something real in the mission?#When he says Aventurine won't be seeing the Strategic Investment Department because he's the manager#did Ratio mean he will be the one dealing with the funeral or that there won't be a funeral at all because he's in charge?#I found this confusing
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