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rhoorl · 6 months

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Are You on Mute?

Pairing: Benny Miller x Female Reader

Word Count: 3.5k

AO3 Link

Summary: You’re working from home and on an important call when Benny returns from the gym and has other plans for you.

Warning: Smut, with some plot? Established relationship. Oral (f receiving), unprotected P in V (practice safe sex IRL), Benny Miller comes with his own warning. Unbeta’d. I wrote a lot of this on my phone so forgive any errors. A/N: Benny was just hanging out in my head waiting his turn as I write my other fics and then got impatient and kicked down a door and was like, hey, can you write something for me? So, this is it. I could not think of anything else until I got this down on paper. Here’s the initial mood board that got this idea kicked off.

You groan when your alarm goes off. The monthly meeting with your international-based team is the reason you’re up at this ungodly hour. Luckily, Benny is still fast asleep, curled on his side facing you. It takes everything in you to not lean over and brush the hair out of his face, but you don't dare disturb his peaceful slumber.

His hair has gotten so much longer since you first met. He’s never confirmed it, but you’re fairly confident now that he's intentionally grown it out over the past several months thanks to an off-hand comment you made one of the first times you trimmed his hair as a favor. You still remember how mortified you were when you let it slip that you thought he'd look hot if he grew it out. As embarrassing as it was, it finally gave him the push he needed to ask you out.

He stirs slightly but doesn’t wake up as you slip out of bed and pad over to the bathroom to get ready. Checking your phone, you remember that this morning consists of back-to-back meetings, including your department’s all-hands call where you are on tap to share your team’s updates for the month.

Since getting your promotion, your boss has been trying to give you more and more responsibility and this meeting is one of them. Even though you loathe public speaking, you appreciate the opportunity. And Benny is your biggest cheerleader too, so proud of not only how quickly you’ve been able to move up the ranks, but that you're finally back doing something you love.

Since you are going to be on camera quite a bit today, you decide to actually do your hair and put on some light makeup – a far cry from your usual work-from-home routine where you couldn't be bothered to put on contacts most days. You head into your walk-in closet, closing the door behind you so you can turn the light on and not disturb Benny, whose snores you can hear through the closed door.

You want to stay comfy so you decide to keep your sleep shorts on and just change your top to something professional. Oh, the joys of only appearing from the chest up in a small box on a screen. You grab your favorite sweater, laughing to yourself at the exchange you know you’re bound to have with Benny. He’s going to ask you how you can wear a sweater in Florida during the summer and you will remind him that it's because he and Will insist on keeping the house at a frigid temperature.

Heading back out to the room, you slip off Benny’s shirt you slept in and put on your bra followed by your sweater. You finish off the look with a necklace Benny got you for your birthday. He stirs a bit, stretching his long limbs and reaching for your spot in the bed as he yawns.

"Hey sleepyhead, got that early call, go back to bed," you whisper, leaning over to give him a kiss on the forehead as he mumbles something about how pretty you look and turns over.

You rush to the kitchen to brew yourself a cup of coffee and grab a muffin your neighbor dropped off over the weekend. Settling into your desk you reach for your favorite pen and notebook, log onto your computer, and click on the calendar invite to launch your first Zoom call of the day.

The meeting drones on and on. About a half hour in, the door softly opens and Benny pokes his head in. He's thrown half of his hair up in a bun, the bottom section flowing down to his shoulders. He's dressed for the gym wearing a cut-off shirt and basketball shorts. Just the sight of him sends a delicious shudder through your body, remembering how he expertly took you apart last night.

"You on mute?" He mouths to you, eyes moving to your laptop.

"Yup," you quickly glance over.

"K, well, I'm gonna go to the office real quick and then the gym. Should be back by lunch."

"Sounds good."

"Love you. You're gonna kick ass today babe."

You smirk, looking over to him, "Thanks, Bun. Love you too. Say hi to Will."

He laughs at your nickname for him and softly closes the door.

The meeting ends early so you have time to get up, stretch, and refill your coffee. As you wait for it to brew you look outside, admiring the flower beds. Deciding you're due for a change of scenery, you relocate your things to the kitchen table for your next meeting.

________

You're second on the agenda to speak, the nerves starting to build as Tim from operations gives his update. Your boss pops into your shared chat with some words of encouragement that make you smile.

Your senior vice president then announces that you're taking over for your boss for today's update, congratulating you on your recent promotion. You take a deep breath, click yourself off mute, share your screen, and begin going through your PowerPoint deck.

You feel yourself absolutely crushing it, thankful that Benny let you run through your presentation the night before. You only have a few more slides left when you hear the garage door followed by the slam of Benny's car door a few moments later. He opens the door, stopping in his tracks when he sees you at the kitchen table.

“Sorry!" He whispers while wincing, looking apologetic.

Your eyes shift quickly from him back to your screen as you continue on with your update. Off camera, you wave him in so he tiptoes inside and drops his bag. Glancing up at him, you clear your throat, trying to not react. He clearly had a vigorous workout, his shirt clinging to him like it's painted on. He also has all of his sweaty hair wrapped up in a low bun.

A mischievous look flashes in his eyes, seeing how affected you are by the sight of him. You can feel his gaze on you as you continue. On another quick glance up you see him pulling his hair out of the hair tie, shaking his locks loose before flipping his head down and back. It's honestly not fair how good his hair looks after doing this, hair perfectly tousled and messy.

You lose your train of thought, pausing for a second to grab a sip of water to compose yourself. It doesn't help that you can see Benny out of the corner of your eye leaning against the kitchen counter looking at you. You just know he has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, loving the effect he has.

"Ok, I think that covers our updates. Any questions?" You ask, looking across the boxes on the screen for any follow-ups.

You groan to yourself when Renee from HR has a question, she never listens and always makes people repeat themselves on these calls. As you listen to her question, you look up from your screen to see Benny. He's got a dark look in his eyes and a half smile as he starts to peel his shirt off revealing the six-pack he's been working so hard on, much to your delight.

You let out a shaky breath before responding to Renee as he saunters around to sit opposite of you across the table, drinking the last of his water bottle. You see the bob of his Adam’s apple out of the corner of your eye.

Despite his intense stare, you cannot bring yourself to look at him, instead pressing your thighs together for some relief. The slick starts to pool in your underwear.

"Great, well, wonderful update, we'll move to events next," your senior vice president chimes in, continuing down the agenda.

You click the mute button and let out a shaky breath.

"You on mute?" Benny whispers in a voice lower than his natural register.

Leaning forward, you bring your elbows to rest on the table making a fist with your hands in front of your mouth to hide your lips as you talk.

"Yup."

"You're fucking amazing you know that." His eyes soften as your eyes shift to him, so much adoration on his face.

"Thanks, baby. And thanks for not making noise in the kitchen. But make yourself something to eat, you must be hungry."

"Oh, I'm starving sweetheart," he winks and you whimper. He's teasing you and having fun at your expense. "It was so hot watching you, boss lady. I'm just sittin' like, that's my girl, she's a badass."

You smirk, amused at how turned on Benny gets when you're in work mode despite the fact he really doesn't understand what you actually do. It was sweet how enthusiastic he always was in his encouragement of you and your pursuits.

"Well, thanks. But seriously, we have like another half an hour left so don't wait up. Eat.”

His tongue glides across his bottom lip as he cocks his head to the side, looking slowly from your eyes to your lips. “If you insist.”

He slides the chair back and drops to his knees, crawling underneath the table. You figure he must have dropped something until you feel his hand wrap around your ankle, causing you to yelp.

“Fuck you scared me,” you said behind clasped hands.

“Shh…you’re in your meeting,” he murmurs as he trails kisses up your calf, making you giggle.

You try hard to keep a poker face and not react as you feel both of his calloused hands grasp behind your knees. He keeps kissing up and down your legs, his stubble tickling you.

“B-baby, what’re doing, I’m on a call,” you’re nearly panting. He’s shuffling to readjust to find a better position. You know he can't be comfortable since his tall frame barely fits underneath the table as it is.

His mouth is greedier now, skimming up your knees to your thighs. He stops briefly as he moves his hands up to the waistband of your shorts. Again, you are trying to keep your face neutral when all you want to do is let your eyes roll back in your head and let him hear how much he is turning you on. Benny always loved how vocal you were. As his long fingers curl underneath your waistband you feel his frame move up as he tries to pull down your shorts.

“Shit,” he hisses as his head hits the table. “Fuck.”

“You ok?” you move your head down to look at him, finding his bright blue eyes looking up from between your legs under the table.

“Yea, uh…little help?”

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, bringing your index and middle finger to rest over your lips as you try to not move your mouth too much while you tell him you can’t fucking believe you’re doing this right now.

He palms your pussy causing you to exhale sharply. “You seem pretty ready to me,” he chuckles, tapping your hip so you can lift yourself up and help him take your shorts and underwear off in one move.

Your breathing is picking up now as you sit there bare, Benny between your legs, as you listen to Don from facilities drone on and on about…parking spaces? You honestly aren’t sure and have tuned out the meeting completely.

“Babe,” you whine, waiting for his next move as you slouch in the chair a bit to give him a better angle.

His fingers come to your folds, spreading your lips apart. You hear a low, guttural sound coming from under the table, making you squirm with anticipation over what he may do next.

He’s made strides in his oral game since you’ve been together. You suspect Frankie has something to do with it, knowing his friend has to have given him some advice or tips. Some of the new moves he’s put on you in recent months sound a lot like what Frankie’s girlfriend mentioned once when all the girls met up for a night out. Regardless of how he’s gotten there, you have benefitted from his willingness to practice and get better.

He licks a long steady stripe up before stopping to focus on your clit, flicking his tongue as his large hands come to knead your soft flesh from your hips to your ass. You rock into him off instinct, and you’re dying to reach down and thread your fingers through his hair and tug his face closer to you.

The steady murmur from the call suddenly stops and you refocus to see everyone staring at their screens like they’re waiting for someone to talk. It’s then you register Renee repeating a question directed to you.

You pull yourself off of mute, clearing your throat and trying to keep calm as you reiterate a point you previously made during the call. Meanwhile, Benny starts fucking you with his tongue. You cough to stifle your whimper, and you reach down to grasp Benny’s hair and pull him off of you. He kisses your thighs and you can practically feel his smirk, the smug bastard is loving this.

When you’ve sufficiently answered Renee’s question, you put yourself back on mute, triple-checking your screen before you chastise your boyfriend. “Benjamin Spencer Miller, you are a fucking menace.”

He snorts, “You love it.”

He starts working you over again, your breathing picking up as you stare at the clock in the lower right-hand corner of your computer screen. Benny can sense your frustration. He moves back to your clit, one of his fingers breaching your folds and pumping in and out of you, a second finger added not too long after. You lean back in your chair, bringing your palm over your mouth as you moan into your hand.

“Ok, well team, great updates from everyone. I’ll give you all back some time in your day. Have a great one.”

With a tight smile, you quickly wave to everyone on the screen before abruptly slamming your laptop shut and sliding your chair back.

Benny crawls from under the table, hands on the ground as he looks up at you, his chin glistening from your slick. His hair falls over his face, covering his eyes as he shakes it off.

You cock your head to the side and roll your eyes. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“You loved it,” he moves to kneel in front of you, his hands resting on your hips as he rubs circles. “Plus, I had to get you back,” he winked and then winced as he straightened his torso.

“Your back is killing you isn’t it,” you run your fingers through his hair.

“Yea, it really fucking is, that angle was shit” he laughs.

“Well, how about we go somewhere more comfortable?”

“When’s your next meeting?”

You look at the clock on your oven, “Don’t have another one til 1.”

“I guess that will do,” Benny says as he gets up and you see his shorts tented.

“Babe, that’s like in over an hour from now, I’m not gonna last long once you start again,” you giggle into his kiss, tasting yourself on his tongue.

He works your sweater up and over your head and undoes your bra with one hand, eliciting a groan from you as he cups your breasts once they’re freed.

“It's not enough…could have you all day and it still wouldn't be enough,” he smiles into your kiss, walking you backward down the hallway to your shared bedroom.

Once you get to the room, he kicks the door shut behind him. “On the bed.” As you shuffle yourself up the bed he tilts his head from side to side. “Over under… three.”

You roll your eyes, “Jesus Christ, Benny. Seriously? You’re gonna make a bet on how many times?”

“Over or under three,” he persists with a mischievous smile.

You rest your elbows onto the bed, as you ponder your response. “Push.”

“Clever girl, Will teachin’ you about sports betting behind my back, huh,” he laughs.

“Benny. Please don’t talk about your brother while I’m naked, that’s like the biggest tease.”

He throws his head back laughing. “Sorry. Anyway, where were we?” He arches his eyebrow.

You open your legs for him, running your hands up your thighs as he takes off his shorts and practically sprints over to the bed, making you giggle. He has such a knack for oscillating between hot and sensual and downright goofy and you love him for it.

It doesn’t take very long until you’re screaming his name as he takes you apart with the deliciously lethal combination of his tongue and his fingers.

“There’s one.”

He doesn’t even look up at you as he starts again. Your grip on his hair presses his face so close to your pussy that you hope he’s able to breathe. You buck your hips up as he brings his forearm to rest on your lower stomach helping pin you down. It doesn’t take long until you feel the pressure starting to build as you spill over the edge.

“Two.”

You bring your hands up to your face, brushing your hair out of your face, and giggling. “I can’t believe you’re fucking keeping score.”

He chuckles as he skims up your body, stopping every so often to kiss or nip along the way. You can feel how hard he is as his dick rests along your thigh. He now moves his attention to your breasts - one of his favorite parts of you. You roll your eyes knowing that he stopped here because his competitive ass is definitely going to make you come one more time before he actually fucks you.

He alternates palming your breast and teasing your nipple between his thumb and middle finger. For your other, the one he realized long ago is the more sensitive of the two, he uses his tongue to flick over your hardened nipple before taking the rest in his mouth. He keeps at this for a while until your brain starts to short-circuit and your breathing grows ragged. You’re thankful that Will isn’t home because you can't help the sounds Benny is pulling from you.

“Three.”

“Ben I swear to God if you don’t get inside me right now.”

He looks up at you, a coy smile coming across his face, “Yes, ma’am.”

He shuffles to line himself up, and just as he’s about to push himself in you bring your hands to his shoulders and roll him over so you’re on top.

“Oh no, I get to play a little too,” you bite your lower lip as you lower yourself on him, both of you letting out a groan.

He brings his hands to your thighs, trailing them up your body. “Fuck, you’re still so fucking wet. You feel so good, baby.”

You start to rock, loving the way he feels. It’s his turn to throw his head back now, whimpering as you pick up the pace. The room is filled with squelching sounds and your combined moans.

“C’mon baby,” he pants.

“Fuck, Benny. S’good, I’m so close.”

He snaps his hips up a little harder and you feel him deeper, finding that spot that you never knew existed until Benny.

“B-Benny, fuuuuck,” you scream as you fall over, whimpering in his ear and you come again. It takes a few more thrusts before you feel him fill you up, a ragged moan coming from deep in his throat.

You both still for a moment, catching your breaths. He kisses you, cupping your face with one hand as you thread both of your hands through his hair to keep him where he is as you work through the aftershocks.

When you finally pull back, his eyes dart between yours before a mischievous smile comes back across his lips.

“Don’t you say it, Ben.” you roll your eyes, laughing at his feeble attempt to not crack up.

“Ok, I’m sorry.” He snorts before kissing you again. He groans slightly as you pull off of him and sits up on the bed, pulling you to his chest. “I love you.” He kisses the top of your head. “And I’m so proud of you, boss lady.”

This nickname still makes you laugh. It was refreshing to have a partner who not only cared about your career aspirations but who encouraged it and cheered you on.

“I love you too Buns.” You rub your fingers along his chest.

“You know who’s amazing?”

You laugh. He's going a bit overboard with the praise. “Who…me?”

He shakes his head. “No babe, me. I made you come four times. I win!” He pumps his fist.

“Jesus, of course, you’d say that,” you laugh, smacking him on the chest before cuddling into him, your safe place. “Shit, I really need to get back to work.”

“Anymore calls today?” He raised his eyebrow.

“A couple, but I’m taking them from the office because I know you can’t fit under that desk.”

“Ooo sounds like a challenge,” he waggled his eyebrows, tickling your side as you both laughed.

A/N: If you made it this far, thank you for reading! I’m still dipping my toes into the smutty waters, but how can you resist Benny?

I’m tagging @musings-of-a-rose @itspdameronthings @bloodyinspirationaldemon @laurfilijames @secretelephanttattoo @anavatazes @undercoverpena @legendary-pink-dot @for-a-longlongtime @trulybetty because you all either commented or reblogged my mood board - sorry if you didn’t want the tag!

#benny miller fanfiction #benny miller x reader #benny miller x female reader #benny miller #triple frontier fic #triple frontier

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sepublic · 2 years

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TOH Gallery Nucleus Info!

All right! The Gallery Nucleus livestream just ended, so here’s some info and trivia I found relevant!

When asked what they would’ve liked to see in S3 that they couldn’t fit in, JBO said “more dates”, while Cissy replied merely “Detention”. Sarah wanted to see the kids go to school, and Shawn Responts suggested one of the demon kids visisting the doctor, and us learning about demon physiology that way.

JBO continued his answer, saying he’d like to see the kids explore more via a road trip, with so many options; Maybe Maine where they’d be trapped in a lighthouse, or a haunted, mossy Charleston. The group joked about Hunter driving, or Vee disguised as an adult.

Sam Bosma would’ve liked to see them visit a comic con and see some Cosmic Frontier stuff, especially for Camila!

Cat Harman Mitchell suggested a grocery store; In exploring concepts for the Thanks to Them end credit illustrations, one idea was thrown out of Amity and Hunter looking suspiciously at a banana; Which, I guess that means the Demon Realm having bananas was retconned, Amity is also really sheltered, and/or Demon Bananas are much deadlier than human ones, hence Amity’s distrust. Gus and Willow would’ve been stoked by a bottle of mustard, which I find connects nicely to Gus’ ‘mustard ravioli’ recipe that he thought Camila loved!

Eden Riegel said she’d like to see King visit the human world and become a youtuber!

Amity’s witch outfit from the S3 montage was designed after Vivian from Paper Mario… Vivian is a trans girl, could this mean…?

The Duolingo homage initially looked too much like Garfield, so they had to change it.

In designing the Boiling Isles, they looked to Flemish and Dutch architecture, avoiding Gothic because it was too obvious and also complicated; Hieronymous Bosch paintings served as inspiration. The one thing that was too gross even for Dana was Latissa, AKA the Titan’s armpit, which initially had a lot more hair follicles.

It was confirmed that in designing the Boiling Isles, they had this idea of the Titan trying to regenerate, hence all of the fleshy masses, body parts, too many bones, etc.! Which can I say, as someone who guessed and analyzed all the way back in Season 1A… I CALLED IT!!!

JBO also mentioned that in early drafts, the show’s sixth episode (of S1) would’ve had Camila in the Demon Realm!

Likewise, he revealed that Belos wasn’t always Emperor; Originally, there was going to be an insect ruling family, with the current ruler being Emperor Pupa. However, they were stuck in their cocoon and had yet to emerge because of Belos, who claimed to be the only one who understood why the cocoon screamed; They changed the idea as it was too complicated and weird. VERY reminiscent of the Titan’s will, the implication he’s still alive and trying to regenerate, showing glyphs, not to mention the giant heart in the throne room…

Vee is around Luz’s age, at about 15-ish! All the kids would be entering Sophomore year, while Hunter is a Junior!

According to Rebecca, Dana said the timeskip was a few months, and the exact number didn’t matter, because in the end the characters would still act the same. Tbh, I respect that; Writing the main story and keeping in mind what matters, really does take precedence over the little details in the back imo.

Luz’s palisman egg is in her fanny pack!!! She took it with her into the Demon Realm!

In regards to the QnA, the first question asked that for writing a show like TOH, where everything comes full-circle, what was solidified?

JBO said that the main and only thing (and this can change!) is knowing exactly who the characters are. One of Dana’s great strengths is the cast, and having believable characters that you could know what they’d do in a situation. One thing that’s hard about TOH but helps make it what it is, is that the writers had to throw out a lot of stuff to get to what they felt was real and right. You go in with characters and think you know what they want and need, but that can change; It’s really about knowing what feels real. JBO also said that Dana had certain visuals/images she wanted for the ending of the show from the start!

When asked what surprised them for making it in, even if it was too gross; Andy Garner-Flexner brought up the magic shop the kids visited and all of the references, like the Ness shirt. They also put some Pokemon Team Aqua and Magma costumes in some boxes too! Fun fact, Andy’s husband asked him to hide a bunny for him in the background of S2 near the ending.

Surprisingly, some stuff would be gross or messed-up, and they’d make it even worse, only for the execs to love it; Like Flapjack’s death scene! Oof…

The crew had to avoid religious connotations for background books, so a D&D manual called “Advanced Sinning” was cut. Showing guts was fine, but no Donald Duck; Shawn wanted to put in a Donald Duck easter egg, for the implication he visited the Demon Realm or was even from it. Copyright was the hardest thing to get past execs in general… They tried to get Disney’s version of Hades on Luz’s wallpaper, but had to settle for the videogame instead. Cat can’t believe they got away with Hollow Mind and Lilith’s ice cream scene.

In regards to favorite fan theory? Sarah Nicole-Robles explained she didn’t know the plot in advance, so when she got the scripts for S2, she wondered if Hunter would be a homewrecker for Lumity, but was relieved and confirmed that no, he’s a SIBLING. Rebecca loved the Collector Luz theory, and JBO joked about the “Lego Eda” theory being right, their plans for a spin-off of her… Not to take it too seriously but this does remind me of my theory about the Collector turning everyone into toys…

In regards to a premise for a TOH spinoff, Sarah said she’d love an MTV cribs one-off of the Owl House, a tour of the rooms. Cat wanted a Lilith show about her historian adventures; Maybe a How I met your Mother style flashback show for the adults as teens, and how they got to the point they are now.

Andy wanted a Raeda prequel; JBO wanted to explore the deep past of the Demon Realm and the world beyond the isles. The characters would be unconnected to TOH’s on the surface; Different characters in a different part of the world. Rebecca joked about a Hooty spin-off.

In regards to the hardest character to work on; For JBO it was Belos… He was hard to write because he’s from so many different places and lived lots of lives in the Demon Realm, they had to ask does he have a set slang, a way he talks? Does he talk like a colonist? Likewise, Belos’ plans and motives are a secret for a good portion of the show, so it was tricky figuring out how much to reveal and when throughout the show.

Andy said that because he asked Dana, they changed the way they did glasses in side-profiles! This change can also be seen in Them’s the Breaks, Kid; Was he responsible for that too?

For Cat, one challenge was how short King was; They had to go for the shortcut of him riding on shoulders. This is because they’d want to do shots of characters, but not show their feet, but King was so short he’d be cut-off; So they went for the “Pikachu solution” to keep him in-frame.

When asked what their palismen would be, Sam Bosma said a penguin; Rebecca wanted a deer/elk, anything with antlers to stab with and use as a melee weapon in conjunction with magic. Andy went for a mole (which is also his fursona), JBO asked if anyone had a moth palisman? Shawn said he’d be a giant ground sloth, about the size of the Bat Queen, that he’d have to drag around.

Cissy went for a honey badger, since it could get stuff done; Be mean for her when she’s too nice. Sarah brought up a puppy, dragon, octopus (this last one reminds me of Thanks to Them!), Cat would be a puffball cat; The opposite of Ghost’s sleekness, just fuzz and eyes.

When asked what Hunter’s first day at Hexside would be like, JBO said that he’d simply “turf out”. Rebecca said he’d get eaten by a locker, as did Sarah; Rebecca explained Hunter would make the mistake of putting food into his locker, so the next time he opened it…

Cissy of course said detention. Cat said Hunter would get lost; Rebecca said Flapjack would have to help, and everyone cringed because y’know, JBO said that was too soon.

Someone asked how they approached fleshing out Camila through a dream sequence? JBO explained that from the start, they KNEW she was a good mom and wanted what was best for Luz, and not in a super wrong-headed way either. But at the start of the show, all we had was that she sent Luz to camp, so it was hard to reconcile this take with that action. It took a lot of thought, how did this happen? Everyone had their own experiences with their moms worked in.

In the end, the writers realized they’re all at that part of life where you realize your parent is their own person and doesn’t feel any older than anyone else. So when they looked at Camila as her own person and not just Luz’s mom, that helped them make their breakthrough on her character.

Andy brought up as another bit of Camila characterization was the background, and all of the queer community books she was reading; Not only does she support in one way, but she’s learning. And in regards to what Camila went through after Manny passed…

In the background, you can see signs of things being unfinished in the house; A lot of things incomplete, boxes not yet unpacked. It’s like a stand-still in time; Camila couldn’t keep going with some of these things. There were still boxes at the end of the hall with the family photos, it was half-painted. Given the short runtime, they really used the background and environmental storytelling to flesh out Camila this way.

When asked what coven they would be, Andy mentioned he thought of this answer in anticipation of that type of question, on his way to the event. He considered Oracle or Construction but decided on being a wild witch. Rebecca went for Abominations or Beastkeeping; JBO also wanted Abominations, so he could get to the bottom of what this thing is that he’s making, and talk to it; Is it bad to have it blown up every other second? Someone jokingly suggested what if Abominations were just Titan boogers.

Cat chose Illusions, Shawn opted for Potions and Oracle. Sam Bosma went for a smaller coven from Covention, like the Tiny Cat Coven. Sarah decided Bad Girl Coven was a cop-out answer, so considered Plant or Beastkeeping, ended up really feeling the former today. Lilith would be Emperor’s Coven; Just kidding, it’d be beast-keeping to keep all eight-legged friends far away. Eden chose Bard Coven.

When asked about the human outfits they liked, Bosma mentioned he loved the Cosmic Frontier ones; They always had the red and yellow in mind as a DS9 reference, but he still experimented with other colors.

At one point, Dana couldn’t decide between two Gus shirts; So she flipped a USB drive instead of a coin, and with that opted for his Dinosaur shirt! Cat said Hunter’s wolf shirt was a vibe; Andy mentioned they ‘tortured’ Matthieu Cousin by asking for more and more costume variations, until he said he needed a break for his wrist. Andy said Amity’s fits were good, Sarah concurred that Amity looked so hot and was killing it.

When asked if Flapjack ever tried flapjacks, Sarah said objectively yes. Rebecca figured he probably did; Andy suggested it was because of Camila, and Flapjack was told he was eating flapjacks too, but didn’t know if they were good.

(This led to a question among the group of whether palismen had taste buds, which they figured only Dana could answer. We know palismen hate the taste of goreberries, so the answer is yes!)

When asked what the characters’ zodiac signs would be… Dana prepped Rebecca with an answer ahead of time for this; She told Rebecca to tell them that Earth’s astrological calendar didn’t exist in the Demon Realm, they didn’t even have the same number of months. It’s a much more confusing system and they can’t answer that question; There’s thirteen months and 666 days, and the animals associated with each month are worms or other tube-shaped creatures.

(Andy did say he HC’ed Willow as a Virgo since he was one too and related to her. This isn’t canon however.)

When asked what anime the kids would like, Andy brought up My Hero Academia, Naruto, Yuyu Hakusho (which inspired his fashion choices). JBO said Gus would really get into a show about some dude addicted to gambling but also GREAT at it, always finding a way to pull it off; Like a mahjong anime.

In regards to their favorite creature/demon, it was the skin-eating fairy from the first episode for Cissy, whom Eden voiced! Cat said Hooty was a disgusting work, Rebecca liked the little version of the Owl Beast and had a plush on hand of it! For Andy, it was Titans. Bosma liked the detention guards, and…

Shawn said he liked the Bat Queen; And in their discussion, JBO revealed she wasn’t the Titan’s palisman (pointing out he was too big for her), she just belonged to a giant who lost her. Shawn liked her story of becoming a ruler after that incident.

And that’s it! Very illuminating stuff about production. Very sad to hear the Bat Queen’s backstory here, since it likely means we won’t have it addressed in S3, nor will the writers retcon her as the Titan’s to fit it into the remaining storyline. Thrilled about what we heard of the Titan’s regeneration and Belos’ original story concepts, especially since I WAS correct in likening him to a beetle in Season 1B, after all! Between this and Titan King, my earliest S1 theories have been getting vindicated, babey!

#the owl house #luz noceda #emperor belos #philip wittebane #the owl house hunter #the owl house bat queen

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shootingstarrfish · 1 month

Note

Hi I wanted to ask one of my fav obey me artists this question: Least favorite to favorite characters? If you wanna say why, that'd be cool. If anything! Please have a nice day!

hii there!!! dearest anon stop being so nice you're going to make me cry AHSHDHD thank you,,, <33333

but what a fun question! for anyone who doesn't want to read my stupid long explanation for each character i will leave this tierlist here! all tiers (except the first tier) are organised by most to least liked within the tier from left to right

no i dont hate lucifer, it's just facebook relationship status (aka complicated <3)

i have plenty of opinions though so i'll go ahead and give some explanations too!! >:D under the cut because there's a lot of rambling here LOL

some of the list is a bit boring because i cant really say i hate or even dislike any characters, and i don't wanna be mean about any characters just cause they're not necessarily my favourites so!

that being said lucifer pisses me off to a comical degree and he absolutely doesn't belong at the bottom but my feelings about him are so ridiculously complicated i don't know where else he belongs? i wish so badly that i could hate him in an uncomplicated way and move on but as an eldest sibling he's such a personal attack on me and i hate it. he's me, i'm him it's horrible. every time i start to think "ahh he's not that bad" he opens his mouth and makes me regret thinking that. i still think about the time i chose to kiss him on the ferris wheel and he held his hand out after and i took it and he said it reminded him of his dead sister, i will never stop holding it against him. he deserves to be loved and taken care of and he also should be thrown off a cliff. im quite certain if i had to assign myself a sin i would pick pride and i hate it >:( (this is all very lighthearted lol)

diavolo used to viscerally annoy me for no good reason when i first started the game, but over time he's grown on me and i'd say now i'm neutral-positive on him!! no idea why i hated him, i was just very salty for no reason hahaha i've recently come to appreciate his character a lot more, im very :( about how lonely he must be and i want him to have more genuine friends please solmare

i think mephisto really is just the kind of character i need to see more of to like, he's very interesting to read character analyses of (and kinda relatable tbh?) but i just need more in game is all! i love his silly lil poses those are real fun, and he is pretty

levi is another i also used to hate out of nowhere? i was neutral on him initially and then i suddenly hated him with a burning passion until one of my friends told me she really loved him and im physically incapable of hating a character my friends love so we're chill again HAHA slowly beginning to like him though! what a pathetic sopping wet cat of a man, it's GREAT

OUUGHH i so badly wanna be able to love beel more, it hurts me to have to put him here but unfortunately this is the way it is... i think it's more accurate to say i love the idea of beel? and ive noticed i really like him everywhere that isnt the game, which again is unfortunate :,)))

LUKE IS MY SON he is babyyyyyyy that's all i have to say <333 my precious lil sonboy he deserves the whole entire world

everyone loves mammon, and i am no exception :D he's not necessarily my type hence why he's neatly placed right in the middle but ugh i love a guy who tries and fails miserably to act tough but is super sweet inside, what a guy <3 ok i flip flopped between putting satan and simeon in the love tier because i am so very fond of both of them, but that's too many characters up there so imagine they're both in a weird tier purgatory between the 2 LOL

i am in fact going to marry simeon and then we will raise luke together it's a fact simeon is everything he's pretty and beautiful and a very complex and interesting character ahhh

SATAN MY LOVE he's a very interesting case to me in that i feel on paper he should be the kind of character who would be on the top of the list! he's smart and kind and unhinged and would kill for you and he likes cats!!! truly husband material i adore him

im going to marry thirteen, thanks for listening to my ted talk <3 my darling beautiful wife who would laugh hysterically if i fell down the stairs i love u thirteen <3333333 we will be wed tomorrow and we will live the dream in her silly lil cave of pranks and curses

i dont know what it is about raphael but i adore him??? is it the wet kitten swag? the done with life expression? his ridiculous outfit? i couldnt tell you but i saw him for the first time and i was immediately obsessed everything i learn about him just makes me more obsessed, i love the fact that he enjoys solomons cooking, the way he's good at sewing and is kind but kinda scary, what a fun character

i could talk endlessly about solomon oh how i love this silly househusband wizard guy i was pretty neutral on him in the og game, and then he swiftly stole my heart in nightbringer and now i would eat his terrible cooking any day of the week just to see him smile <3 if i die seeing him happy that's probably the best way to go out all his calls and messages are sooo cute and they make me melt im in love please just one chance...

barbatos and solomon are typically equal on the list i'd say? but the barbatos brainrot is hitting harder now so he gets to be ever so slightly higher this once hahaha barbs is another that took a while to grow on me, not that i ever disliked him or anything but i definitely overlooked him at first! design wise i absolutely LOVE him, his demon form is definitely one of my absolute favourites. the unique but still put together suit?? the ruffles?? the bone wing horns?? ugh he's just very pretty, and SO interesting as well love a calm collected guy who totally has the potential to destroy you if he so wishes but has a soft spot for you

and of course, real shocker im sure, at the tippy top of the list would be asmo and belphie my beloveds <333 i love them both equally and i could never put one above the other i actually started playing obey me for belphie because one of my favourite character tropes is The Tired One TM, and im absolutely not immune to a cute emo boy either. i've grown to really love his sass and the way he hides his manipulative nature behind his sweet and innocent appearance hehe i also do love how ridiculously forward and blunt he is at times, what a silly guy while belphie was very predictable, asmo was a very out of nowhere character for me! i distinctly remember seeing him initially and thinking "avatar of lust?? i guess he's pretty but he'll probably just be the fuckboy character who makes nonstop innuendos and has no character beyond that, and i'm too asexual for this" so i avoided him a lot at first, but i'm very weak for how kind and gentle and charismatic he is, and the way he puts his all into everything and everyone <333 it didnt take long for me to realise that he's almost exactly the kind of person i aspire to be more like

also miura ayme gives me so much gender envy its not fair send tweet

#if u read all this.... thank u sdfhjhd i am high fiving u right now <333 #AND THANK U FOR ASKING ANON this was fun to consider #i like overthinking categories and lists so this was delightful for me #ask box #obey me

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maggiedanikka · 1 year

Text

Superstar (Part 1)

Pairing: Rooster x f!reader, (blink and you'll miss it, unrequited) Hangman x f!reader

Warnings: ANGST, good ending promise

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 19.7k (holy sh*t)

Summary: “I’m no one special, just another wide eyed girl, who's desperately in love with you.”

Rooster is sure he's in love with this girl. Only problem is, he's never seen or face or know her name

No use of y/n

Based of off Superstar (Taylor's version) by Taylor Swift

Author's Note: It's me, Hi. This one shot is so freaking late y'all. In all honesty I started writing this August around the time I finished writing Naked, but life and school happened and now here we are. It felt amazing getting to stretch my writing skills again for anything other than research papers, and I'm on winter break so it seems as good a time as any. I'm not going to give anymore excuses, but I promise this is worth a read. This is the longest single piece of work I have ever written. It ended at 65 pages and almost 20k words in my drafts. Its so long that Tumblr won't let post the entire one shot in one post so im splitting it in two, but dw send part will be posted immediately after this is posted. I also didn't have anyone edit this, so I apologize for any grammatical errors (most likely tense consistency bcs i suck at those) I hope you all enjoy reading it as I did writing it and I hope it tide y'all over until I can write the next chapter of Let Me Go. Here is Superstar.

Bradley Bradshaw’s voice was an enigma to you. How could anyone's voice be so hoarse and yet so strong?

As an air traffic controller for the Navy, you’ve heard every type of voice imaginable. The gruff demanding ones from the Air Boss, the shrill screams of pilots having to eject due to a bird strike, the quiet dulcet tones of a shy WSO, and everything in between.

The first time you heard his voice through the comms, you weren’t exactly starstruck per se, just a bit thrown off.

“This is Dagger 2, asking for clearance for take off.”

It’s not like you didn’t know who the pilots flying this mission were. Everyone in the goddamn Navy knew who they were, they were the best of the best.

You even saw their pictures. And thought some of them were cute (especially the one rocking the Miami Vice Stache). But hearing their voices was different from reading their files.

Though most of the details of the mission were classified, you had a basic idea and knew that there was a good chance that someone wasn’t coming home.

“This is Dagger 2, asking for clearance for take off”

The voice repeated. You snapped out of your thoughts, the voice was smooth as honey and it had just a hint of fear but yet so heavily determined. Your heart really went out to the poor pilot.

“Dagger 2, you’re clear for take off.” You said, trying to convey as much sympathy as you could in those words.

The actual mission itself didn’t last longer than 3 minutes. Working for the navy, you should’ve been used to the high stakes situations that often go hand in hand with these kinds of assignments. But you couldn’t help but sit on the edge of your seat during the duration of the mission.

There were a few initial hiccups, you felt like you were watching a movie as you listened to the daggers communicate with one another. Their nervousness (and to be honest your own) upon seeing the SAMs and your both concern and irritation at Lieutenant Bradshaw’s cautiousness.

Yes, his by the book and precise flying is part of the reason why he was considered one of the best, but if he didn’t throw that shit out of the window and speed up he will end up getting himself killed. And even though you didn’t necessarily know him, this possibility filled your body with so much dread.

You felt relieved (well only slightly, they hadn’t made it out of the woods just yet) when Rooster finally got out of his own head and sped up. The two miracles were successfully pulled off and the 4 jets had made it past Coffin Corner. Now it was a dogfight all the way home.

You commended just how level headed and pragmatic the pilots were as they evaded the SAMs and attacks that were thrusted upon them. You knew if you were in the same situation you would’ve panicked and blown up by now. Your admiration was interrupted by the mayday call of Captain Mitchell.

A heavy tension set in the control room, everyone was shocked at what just transpired. It was interrupted by the voices of the other daggers. Notably Lieutenant Bradshaw and Lieutenant Trace.

Phoenix had announced that she and Lieutenant Floyd were heading back to home base, along with Payback and Fanboy. However, you were yet to hear confirmation from Rooster, with the last thing he said went along the lines of going after Maverick.

You held your breath as you heard Admiral Simpson demanded his return. The control room was met with silence, and you knew exactly what he was going to do.

It was less than 5 minutes when it was confirmed that Lieutenant Bradshaw’s plane had been shot down after attacking an enemy plane. His beacon went dark.

Lieutenant Seresin requested clearance for take off but was rebuffed by the Air Boss. You had to take everything in you to not shed a tear.

A thick silence fell over the entire ship. The mission was technically a success but you wouldn’t be able to tell based on the solemn look on everyone’s faces.

Even after the remaining daggers returned on the ship, no one wanted to leave the control room. The entire ship was at a standstill.

That was until a beacon marked “Rooster” started beeping on the screen.

No it couldn’t be.

“Sir, Rooster has gone supersonic.” You told Admiral Simpson with a gulp, trying to contain your hope.

“An F-14 tomcat has been spotted sir.” Another ATC announced.

“Maverick.” You heard someone say, not sure who but you did not care at that point. What’s important is that they were alive!

But it was not time to celebrate just yet. Two bogies were spotted alongside the F-14 Tomcat. And everyone knew this meant a dogfight was about to commence.

The situation looked more and more grim. An ancient F-14 against Fifth Gens? It was unlikely for the two pilots to make it out unscathed yet alone alive.

But by some grace of God (or possibly Maverick’s unbeatable skill, probably both) they managed to take down two bogies.

Rooster managed to turn on the plane’s radio to contact the ship. You felt relief which was instantly thwarted by the news that there was still one Fifth Gen, directly in front of the plane.

You knew they needed help. You looked at Admiral Simpson desperately, hoping that he would allow the Reserve Dagger to go assist. But Cyclone seemed frozen and you knew you had to take matters into your own hands.

“Dagger Reserve, are you ready for liftoff?” You spoke into the mic, the other people in the control room looked at you in shock.

“Finally!” The elated voice of Hangman came through the comms.

Admiral Simpson shot you a hard glare, if only looks could kill, you’d probably be as screwed as Maverick and Rooster. But you knew you had to do something.

“Yes this is Dagger Reserve asking clearance for takeoff.”

“Dagger Reserve, you are clear for takeoff. Bring our boys home.” You said with a small smile, if you get fired and discharged, possibly thrown into the ocean it’ll be worth it knowing what you did to save the aviators.

Hangman shot down the Fifth Gen with ease, earning him his second confirmed air combat kill. You knew that the other pilots would never hear the end of it. But all you cared about is he saved HIM.

Rooster’s laugh and banter with Hangman might’ve been the most wonderful sound you’ve ever heard.

Seeing him on the tarmac reunited with the rest of his team had to be one of the highlights of your career with the Navy, if this was the last moment you had in the branch then you were perfectly content.

“What you did was reckless insubordination! If there was another fifth Gen out there, we would’ve lost 3 of our best pilots and 2 planes worth millions of dollars!” Admiral Simpson had chastised you.

“I have half a mind to dishonorably discharge you!” You 're ready to accept your punishment with grace. You were however surprised at his next words

“But your actions saved 2 of our men.” He added with a gulp.

“You are clear from punishment, but DO NOT make this a habit!”

“Yes sir.” You told him with a steady voice.

“Thank you sir.”

“You are dismissed, go join the rest of the fleet.” He told you.

You ran down to celebrate the returning pilots, but so was everyone else. You could only see a glimpse of Captain Mitchell and Lieutenant Bradshaw past the dozens of bodies approaching to greet them.

But even from where you were standing you could see the beaming smile and bright eyes of the mustached pilot. And from that exact moment you knew you were a goner.

———————————————————————-

Next time you heard his voice was a few weeks post mission. Apparently he accepted a post to teach at Top Gun.

You were decently shocked to learn that the team assembled for the mission decided to stay in Miramar. Especially since they basically got their pick of post anywhere in the world.

But you figured Lieutenant Bradshaw, or rather Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw (remembering his promotion), decided to stay because of his recent reconciliation with Captain Mitchell.

“This is Rooster asking for clearance for takeoff.” He said through the comms.

“You’re still here?” Shit. You did not mean to say that out loud.

You heard back a chuckle from the pilot.

“Yes, I decided to stick around Fightertown for a little while.”

“Sorry sir.” You replied grateful that he couldn’t see the blush that was forming on your cheeks.

“You are clear for takeoff.”

“Thanks sweetheart. Roger that.” You felt your cheeks grow hotter as he took off into the air.

“ATC you still there?” He asked you once he was at cruising altitude.

“Yes Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw, I am still here.” Hoping that he forgot your earlier words and needed something official.

“Any reason why you were shocked at my staying?” He asked you.

You gulped at his question. Was this allowed? You’ve never had a pilot ask you a question before that didn’t pertain to instructions, both on the ground and in the air.

After a breath you answered his question.

“I heard about your promotion, and the offer to be posted anywhere in the world. Just surprised you chose to stay here.”

“Sometimes a family is worth more than any accolade or prestigious post.” He told you. You could tell he really cared about Maverick, but was not sure about the history of that.

Would asking him be crossing a line?

“Why do you stay in fightertown?” He asks you.

“Not for anything as noble as your reason Lieutenant Commander, just an assigned post.”

“Well I hope you’re liking Miramar. Actually grew up here.” You were surprised that he was still speaking to you, considering he was in the sky for a reason, and normally pilots didn’t maintain this much conversation with Air Traffic Control.

“I really like it so far, having some trouble with making friends though.” You don’t know why you admitted this to him, especially through comms that other people are definitely listening in to. And especially to a Naval hero who definitely would have no interest in the life of a lowly ATC.

“Well, consider me your first friend sweetheart.” He responded and he actually sounded genuine. You couldn’t help but smile at the aviator's words.

You were about to respond when you were interrupted by Hangman through the comms.

“Usually I would encourage this, but you can flirt later, Rooster, we gotta shoot down Mav.”

Your little bubble had been burst as you remembered why you had to clear him for takeoff earlier.

“That’s my cue, talk to you later, friend.”

“Have a good exercise Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw.” You respond with a smile you know he’d never see.

Your shift ended before they finished their exercise, so you didn’t get to give Rooster clearance to land (or maybe you just hoped to speak to him again). But from what you heard, it was the closest the team got to finally shooting down the infamous Captain.

You knew that one day they could surpass the pilot, but you were glad that they were able to learn and grow (and stay) a little longer at Top Gun.

In an effort to make more friends you agreed to go out with some of your fellow ATCs that night. Which is how you ended up in a bar on the beach called ‘the Hard Deck’.

Your co-workers were nice enough, and you were honestly glad that you weren’t spending another night with a plate of pad Thai watching yet another crappy Netflix rom-com.

Imagine your surprise when Rooster and his crew of pilots walked into the very same bar. They went straight to the pool tables and were currently arguing over who got to play first.

“God definitely has favorites, because they are so fine.” Your co-worker Laura sighs.

“I wanna climb Seresin like a tree.” She adds.

“I’m more of a Coyote and Payback kind of gal.” Your other co-worker Sara remarked.

“But I wouldn’t kick Fanboy or Bob out of bed, they look like they know some tricks.”

She said as she took another drink of her martini. You agreed with their judgements but couldn’t help but only have eyes for one of the pilots.

“Good choice.” Your other co-worker Lia tells you after following your gaze.

“Bradshaw definitely takes the cake.”

You blush upon being caught staring at Rooster.

All your co-workers nodded in agreement with Lia.

“He’s not as pretty as Hangman but he’s somehow more fuckable.” Laura comments.

You couldn’t help but feel possessive as the other women also stared at Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw with hungry eyes.

But it’s not like you had any right to that feeling, he wasn’t yours, he didn’t even know who you were.

The conversation moved on to other topics, it could’ve been anything from the weather or the latest Naval gossip but you were only half paying attention. You were honestly just glad that they were done ogling a certain pilot.

You really liked the Hard Deck. It was now clear that it was a Navy spot and it was really cool to see the usually serious people from work loosened up in civilian clothes.

The night was bustling and while you were glad for some company, you couldn’t help but feel a little awkward. All these women knew each other and had all these little jokes with one another, and you were an outsider that had a bit of a neurotic streak.

You were wondering if this was a pity invite, and you were slowly leaning to a yes but you were already here, might as well make the best of it.

You prepared yourself to jump back into the conversation, when the music from the jukebox had abruptly stopped. And while the men booed, you saw that the women all stopped and stared at the piano. Or rather the person at the piano.

Lo and behold, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw was seated at the decades old instrument, his fingers expertly playing an old Elton John hit. Of course he would have an affinity for the 80s, as shown by his mustache.

If you thought his speaking voice was beautiful, his singing voice was downright heavenly. He had this low tenor that was so strong and made “I’m still standing” sound sensual. How is that even possible?

Obviously you weren’t the only person that thought so, you saw women dancing in front of him, singing along and obviously trying to get his attention.

For the other women (and some men) that weren’t, were singing along and staring, were all bewitched at the pilot’s skill. And really, who could blame them?

He had this air of confidence that even the cockiest of pilots could never compete with, he was a superstar. In the air and the ground.

When he (sadly) finished his song, the entire bar cheered and chanted his name. He did a silly dance and seemed to have no care in the world.

You couldn’t help but fall for him a little more.

——-——————————————————————

“This is Rooster, in the air calling for Air Traffic Control.”

You just started your shift less than 2 minutes ago and did not know that Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw was already in the air.

“This is Air Traffic Control, what do you need, Lieutenant Commander?” You ansered, trying to keep your voice calm, hoping your little crush on the aviator wouldn’t show in your voice.

“It’s you!” Rooster exclaimed.

“I’m not sure what you mean sir?”

“You’re the ATC from the other day? The one that agreed to be my friend.”

A blush crept onto your face, you were surprised he remembered your interaction.

“Um yes sir.”

“You got off the comm lines so quickly the other day. I didn’t get to invite you to hang out with me and meet some other new friends at the Hard Deck.”

Your heart grew warm. He was serious? He wasn’t just trying to be polite?

“I was at the Hard Deck sir. Saw you there with your squadron.”

“Oh shit, really? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Seemed rude to just insert myself, sir.”

“Plus you seemed preoccupied with your adoring fans.” You said with a giggle.

“It was an amazing performance.”

“Oh yeah? Are you a fan?” You heard him ask, already seeing his smirk in your mind.

“Oh yeah definitely! Consider me the president of the fan club sir.” You quipped.

“So what does the role of “president” entail?”

“You know, make t-shirts, teach the Rooster 101 class, and of course host the weekly meeting where we talk about how hot and talented Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw is.”

“So you think I’m hot?”

Your face grew warm in response, and cursed yourself for accidentally flirting nonsensically. And prayed to whatever higher power that no one was currently listening to the comm line.

“Oh um-.” You began to respond.

“No! Sir-…um I just…”

“You know it’s frowned upon to lie to your superiors.” He said in a serious tone.

“Oh no I’m so sorry sir, I didn’t mean to-“

“ATC….”He interrupts, with an inflection at the end of the last letter

“Yes I think you’re hot Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw” You confessed with a gulp.

He let out a hearty chuckle.

You were completely mortified and you don’t think your face has ever been this hot before. If you thought you didn’t have a chance before, more so now. You were debating whether you should disconnect now and go back to your job (I mean this is technically your job, but not the flirting part).

You were broken out of your inner debate by Rooster

“Thanks sweetheart.”

“You know you don’t have to keep calling me Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw right?”

“You can call me Rooster.”

You were thankful for the subject change.

“Okay Lieutenant Comma-“

“Sorry, okay….Rooster.”

“Now that’s better.” He said with a slight laugh, you could already see his dazzling smile now.

“How about you ATC? What should I call you?”

“Oh you can call me-“ you began to say.

“This is Lieutenant Finch asking for clearance for takeoff.” You were cut off by the comm.

You sighed, back to real life.

“I’m sorry Rooster, I got to go back to duty.”

You cut off the comm lines before he could respond.

————————————————————————

Next time you saw him, he was walking down a hallway with Lieutenant Commander Trace by his side. He was talking so animatedly, his hands waving around as he delivered his point.

It sounded like he was gushing about a tail spin maneuver that Maverick pulled off, and god he’s so beautiful. When he speaks it’s like you couldn’t help but listen. Hell! you bet a reading of the F-18 NATOPS would sound like absolute sin coming from his mouth.

You were so caught up in his voice that you didn’t notice how close you were to passing him.

You felt your breath get caught in your throat as your shoulders brushed against his as you walked in the opposite direction. Even through your thick khakis, you can feel how muscular his shoulders were. Damn this man works out.

“Oops sorry ma’am” he stopped and turned to you. His eyes were concerned that he hurt you from a measly bump. This man could not be real.

“I didn't mean to bump you. And as put together as I seem to be, I am actually a huge klutz and a hazard to pretty girls.” He said with a chuckle and a wink.

You tried to respond to him, but only a squeak managed to leave your mouth. Starstruck that he’s speaking to you for the first time, not through a comm line.

Wait and he called you pretty! You were now fighting a blush creeping on your cheeks. But to the two aviators it looked like you were not amused

“Stop bothering her Rooster, she obviously has places to be.” Phoenix chastises him.

“I apologize for my bothersome friend.” She turned to say to you. And all your pathetic shy ass can do is nod.

“See you around! And sorry again!” Rooster says once more as Lieutenant Trace pulls him away and down the hallway.

———————————-—————————————

Okay, you were not doing this on purpose, well sorta. Sometimes in the midst of your constant daydreaming, your subconscious kinda just takes the reins and dictates your actions.

Which is how you found yourself coincidentally choosing a work schedule that lined up the most perfectly with Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw’s flying times.

You hoped for another conversation with Rooster, hoping to redeem yourself from your words (or rather lack thereof) during the hallway debacle.

But the Lieutenant Commander seemed very focused on the exercise that they’ve been working on for the past week and has not been speaking to you as much as of late.

You were of course sad, and you felt a pit in your stomach grow larger and larger each passing day that your conversations started and ended with “you’re cleared for takeoff”.

You almost wish that your stupid infatuation would go away so that you didn’t feel yourself crushed at the end of every single work day.

But you would catch a glimpse of his smile on the tarmac and your heart would fill with so much longing once again.

It had been almost a week since your last true interaction with the aviator, you were beyond pathetic at this point.

At last, he finally called in after he was in the sky.

“Is the president of my fan club there?” He called into the comms.

Was he talking about you? I mean who else would he be talking about considering the topic of your conversation last time.

Unless he talks to all the ATCs like this, flirting with them until they become flustered and red as a tomato. He’s probably done this with Sara, or Laura or even both! The thought filled your stomach with dread. Should you stay silent and pretend you didn’t hear him? Or maybe he actually needs something, it would be unprofessional of you to not help your superior or maybe-

“I know you’re there, I can hear you thinking”

Rooster has a habit of breaking you out of your anxiety induced thoughts.

“Are you calling for me Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw?”

You heard him clear his throat, expectant.

“Oh I’m sorry, Rooster.” You corrected yourself.

“That’s better” He said with a chuckle.

“Sorry I’ve been radio silent the past week sweetheart, have had a lot on my mind.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me! You’re one of the greatest pilots in the world, no need to worry about me.” You assured him, and maybe you were a bit self-deprecating but it was true.

“No need for all of that ATC, I’m just a guy in a plane. And were friends, remember? It’s not fair of me to leave you in the dark.”

Damn. AND he's humble? How can this man be anymore perfect?

“ Thank you Rooster.” You replied with a small smile.

“Sorry again for going ghost, this is a bit of a hard week for me” He continued.

In any normal circumstance, asking for elaboration would seem like prying, but your conversations with the Lieutenant commander have been less than normal as of late. You still had no clue where you got the courage to ask.

“Oh, why is that?”

“Wanna know all my secrets already sweetheart?”

He somehow managed to avoid the question AND make you flustered. He’s good.

“How about I let you know my stories over dinner?”

You just felt your heart jump out of your chest and into another dimension. There’s no way THE Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw was asking you out.

This had to be some kind of game, one that he’s no doubt played a million times before. Rooster had no shortage of women who wanted him and the fact that he’s asking you out of all people was unbelievable. There was no way.

“Um like a date?” You ask him nervously.

He chuckles at your response, amused at your edginess. But to you it sounded like the thunderclap before the lightning strike of rejection.

You just wished he’d get on with it. Hoping he lets you down easy so you can move on from this crush and actually do your job.

“What else would I mean?” He finally responded.

Your entire body felt like a cracked glow stick. You felt bright and overheated, but also cold as ice as you’ve somehow lost feeling in your extremities.

So he was asking you out! You were determined to apologize for every time you’ve said God’s name in vain because if Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw was asking you on a date, then there is no doubt that the higher power was real.

But the reality of the situation had set in. If he was this quick to ask you out despite not knowing your name, or what you look like. What’s stopping him from changing his mind and moving on to the next ATC or bartender or crossing guard who gave him admiring attention just as quickly?

You came to a swift realization.

It was against your nature and your better judgment, as your heart was beating out the seams to say yes to Rooster’s invitation. But you had to be smart about this.

You had to play the game.

“I’m gonna have to say no sir.”

You can feel the regret setting in already.

“Wow, I think that’s the first no I’ve gotten in…. That might be the first no I’ve ever gotten.”

Great, now you’ve bruised his ego, you had no idea if this tactic was working for or against you.

“Well, I think dinner might be a little further down the line, that’s if you think you can handle it?” You somehow gathered enough courage to (fake) confidently challenge Rooster.

“Oh is that so?” You can hear the intrigue in his voice through the line.

“How about a phone number?” He offers amused

“Hmm… maybe THAT I can agree with.” You responded matching his playful tone.

“In one condition.”

“Oh yeah? And what is that sweetheart?”

“Shoot down Maverick in the drill today.”

“Is that it? I can do that, easy.” There was the cockiness the top gun pilots were famous for.

“That’s funny, considering you haven’t been able to do it in the past 3 weeks.” You jested.

“Ouch, first you reject my invitation, and now you insult my skill? Way to kick a man while he’s already down sweetheart.” He grimaced playfully.

“Gotta give you some kind of challenge sir.” You couldn't hold back the giggle forming in your throat.

“Okay deal, anything to hear that laugh again, outside of these comm lines.” He chuckled.

Oh shit. You completely forgot that you are flirting with Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw though a military operated and very public comm line.

“I was wondering when the two of were going to remember the rest of us can hear EVERYTHING.” You heard the voice of Lieutenant Commander Seresin chortle.

You felt your ears burn red in embarrassment.

“Getting rejected over comms Bradley? And here I thought you had game.” Captain Mitchell added. Both of them were laughing at their fellow aviator.

“See what I mean sweetheart? I promise I’m a much better conversationalist when these assholes aren’t around.” Bradley insulted the other two pilots.

“Don’t listen to him ATC, I’ve known him since he was still in diapers , and I promise you, this is as good as he’s gonna get.” Captain Mitchell remarked to you.

“Don’t think I’m gonna go easy on him for you either.” He added jokingly.

“Trust me Captain Mitchell, I’m counting on it.” You replied with equal fervor. Maverick responded with a playful tone.

“Sounds good ma’am, hope I don’t disappoint .”

“I’m going to get into position, You two can join me once Bradley is done with his disastrous flirting.” He added before going radio silent, lifting his jet to prepare for the dogfight.

“Hypothetically, if I shoot down Mav, do I get your number?” Hangman teased.

“Walk the walk first, and maybe I’ll consider it.” You quipped, but you knew that the only aviator you’d want to give your number to was Rooster.

“Good enough for me.” Hangman replied.

“Watch me beat you Rooster, in the drill and with the girl.” Hangman chuckled playfully before going radio silent, presumably getting into position.

“Double timing me with Hangman sweetheart? Now thats a killing blow.” Rooster smiled, slightly annoyed at your flirtatious exchange with Seresin but happy that it was just the two of you once again.

“You know how bumptious Lieutenant Commander Seresin can be. I just said it to get rid of him.” You explained.

“Now for you, I am completely serious. Shoot down Mav and you got yourself a phone number.”

“Yours right?” He asked.

You let out a hearty laugh, one that had caused the other ATC’s currently in the control tower to look at you with concerned expressions.

“Yes. Mine.”

“You never know, you could very well give me Admiral Bates’ number. I just wanted to make sure.” He replied.

“Plus its always a bonus to hear you laugh.”

This man never seemed to run out of lines. You had to hold yourself back from melting into a puddle in your seat.

“Well lets see what you got then Lieutenant Commander.” Was the last thing you said as he finally went back up to position.

As much as you wanted to stay tuned into the dogfight like you were a suburban dad cheering on their favorite football team, you did actually have a job to do.

You were in the middle of analyzing flight patterns and putting together a presentation for your co-workers when you heard the sudden call on your headset.

“Hello, this is air traffic control.”

You were greeted with a loud thunderous cheer.

“I did it ATC! I shot down Mav.” Rooster howled.

“Is this true Lieutenant Commander Seresin?” You asked Hangman.

“As much as I tried to sabotage him, yes Rooster did somehow managed to shoot down the old-timer.” Hangman confirmed with a groan.

Shit. Now you have to actually give your number to Rooster.

“Soooo ATC, I’m waiting for the magic numbers.” You could already see the victory smirk on his face.

“Ughhh fine a deal is a deal. But I am not going to give out my private phone number on a monitored line. I’m just gonna have to get it to you another way.”

“Okay fair enough. How are you gonna do that?” Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw queried.

“Don’t worry about it, just know you’ll get it.”

“Or you know you can just give it to me face to fa-.”

“Goodbye Rooster.” You interrupted and dropped the line before he could continue.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You honestly did not know how you were going to get your number to Rooster. You wouldn’t dare to see him face to face. He’ll take one look at you and know that you were nothing special and he’d lose interest. The only reason he was this enthralled was because you were a mystery to him.

You could always go back on your deal and tell him you were kidding about the number, but you knew that was an asshole move and you were not the type to break agreements. You had to figure out how to get that number to him without him seeing you.

At least then you can speak to him and possibly flirt with him for a little longer before he inevitably loses interest..

You were sat in the comm tower, your head resting on the back of your hand, watching Rooster joke around with Mav and Hangman down in the tarmac beside their F-18s. Even from all the way up here you can see how bright his smile was. He was so beautiful.

You were snapped out of your admiration by the three aviators walking off the tarmac, probably to rest and sit with the other pilots in the hangar. You saw your window of opportunity, in the form of (no pun intended) Rooster’s open canopy on his jet.

If you could sneak down there and place a piece of paper with your number on his dash then you would have fulfilled your side of the deal.

If anyone were to ask, you were not a stalker, you were just very observant, especially if you’ve been watching these pilots for the better part of the last few weeks and knew that they were going to spend at least the next 15 minutes in the hangar until they returned to the tarmac. You had to make your move NOW.

You scribbled your number onto a piece of discarded paper.

“I’m taking a 10!” You announced to the control room before running out clutching the note to your chest.

You quickly ran down from the tower and quickly onto the tarmac, making sure to duck and turn your head away as you passed the hangar (just in case).

You couldn’t remember the last time you ran this fast, probably not since basic training. You quickly manuevered around all the F-18s until you reached the one marked with the label LCDR Bradley Bradshaw “Rooster”. You’ve never seen his jet this up close, you wanted desperately to run your hand through the marking of his name, to touch something that he has.

No. You have to remember you’re here on a time-constrained mission, and you had to get out of here not only before the pilots come out, but also before anyone in the comm tower can spot you down here.

You quickly flung yourself up the ladder up to cockpit of the jet and trying to place the piece of paper as rapidly and as gently as you could on the dash. When you finally let go of the paper and saw that it was securely in place, you hopped off the tiny ass ladder and started to speed walk back to the direction of the comm tower.

Your heart was beating a million times per minute and you did it without anyone seeing you. You could see the door to the tower in the distance, and were beelining towards it. That’s until you heard a clear

“HEY!” Coming from behind you.

You turned around and were greeted by the suspect face of Lieutenant Commander Seresin. He was standing probably a good 25 feet away and slowly walking towards you.

“Who are you? What are doing down here?”

You had to think of an excuse fast, with as little words spoken as possible. You couldn’t risk him recognizing your voice and telling Rooster. Then all of this would be over too soon.

“Just routine inspection!” You tell him, making your voice higher and hopefully indiscernible from your normal speaking voice.

“Goodbye!” You waved at him before sprinting away and around the tower so he couldn’t see that you were going into the comm room.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As much as you'd like to think that you successfully made it down and back from the tarmac completely undetected, you knew that running into Hangman could’ve ended disastrously. You needed to learn to be more careful especially now that your number could possibly already be in Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw’s possession. Which means you have to commit to this game.

You put your number in his plane almost 11 hours ago and even though the work day has long ended, and you knew that the pilots leave together at around 5pm and would inevitably end up at the Hard Deck for a few hours.

However it is now nearing 11pm and you still had no notification from anyone other than your mom. No texts, no calls, just email alerts and a few instagram DMs from some old high school friends.

You sighed as you stared at the clock. Maybe he didn’t see the paper? Or he’s still at the Hard Deck?

You knew neither was unlikely because the dagger squad flew out and ran a few more drills later in the day so was in his jet and all the Navy men (or rather the disciplined ones) promptly left the bar at 10pm to prepare for their early work days.

He could’ve and should’ve contacted you by now.

But what did you really expect? That he was going to drop everything and call a random ATC that he had a few indecorous conversations with.

You definitely let this fake confidence build up too much in your head. You had to remember your place. Because who are you other than just a girl, when he was one of the superstar’s of the Navy? The frontliner and the apple of all the admirals’ eyes.

You see the clock flashing 11:15pm and you had a shift early in the morning. There was no use continuing to feel sorry for yourself. Some sleep would do you some good, and hopefully avoid the waterworks that would inevitably come.

You were well on your way to slipping into a deep slumber when you heard the loud text tone originating from your phone.

Unknown Number: Sorry I didn’t get to talk to you today sweetheart. I hope I get the chance soon. Sweet dreams :)

——————-————————————————————————

There must have been some sickness barreling through the base because the normally filled comm room was empty except for you manning the main desk.

Being solo wasn’t too bad, as there weren’t too many pilots scheduled to fly today.

Of course one of them being Rooster.

“Miramar Tower, F/A-18E Super Hornet , 10 southwest at 2,500, inbound for landing “

Speak of the devil, and he shall come

“F/A-18E Super Hornet , Miramar Tower, report entering left downwind Runway 24R.” You responded, keeping yourself professional despite feeling the butterflies in your stomach beating your ass upon hearing his voice.

“Report entering left downwind, F/A-18E Super Hornet . . . . “ He responded before adding

“F/A-18E Super Hornet entering left downwind Runway 24R.”

He was all business today, with absolutely no hint of the usual playfulness in his voice.

“Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw, you are cleared to land Runway 24R.”

He let out a slight growl, one you would miss if you weren’t listening so intently.

He hesitated for a moment before finally responding.

“Cleared to land Runway 24R, F/A-18E Super Hornet “

You saw his jet successfully land and reached for the button to disconnect when you heard Rooster’s voice flood your headphones once again.

“Do you remember what I said about calling me ‘Lieutenant Commander’ sweetheart?” He asks steely.

Fuck, he sounds so sexy when he’s stern. No man’s voice has ever had this effect on you.

“Yes sir, Rooster.” You said with a longing breath.

You curse yourself for being incapable of being subtle.

“Normally I would say no ‘sir’ just ‘Rooster’, but I’ll allow it. Only because it sounds so good coming from your mouth.”

Holy shit. And you thought you weren’t subtle, you were usually clueless when it came to men flirting but even you could read that loud and clear.

“You sure you want to be hitting on me over comms SIR?” you said purring

“Would you rather me come up there sweetheart? So I can do it face-to-face” He said with the same gruffness. You can see him glancing up to the tower as he lifted his canopy and exited his plane.

“I dare you Lieutenant Commander.” You replied matching his salacious tone.

“Gonna have to teach you a lesson don’t I?.” The connection cuts off as he removes his helmet and rushes up to the tower.

You couldn’t hear anything over the sound of your pounding heartbeat, there is no way you just invited Rooster up to the comm room.

It couldn’t have been more than 2 minutes when you heard the door burst open and saw Rooster enter, his skin still glistening from sweating under the California sun.

He looked like a Greek god, and you had to stop your jaw from physically dropping at the sight of him.

“Finally done hiding from me sweetheart?” He greeted you teasingly.

You slowly approached one another. You opened your mouth to respond with a flirty response but the words seemed to be stuck in your throat.

You didn’t even notice how close you were to him. You could feel the heat radiating off his body. You were staring straight ahead and avoiding his gaze. Choosing to maintain eye contact with the lowered zipper of his flight suit. Giving you a glimpse of the hard planes of his chest underneath.

Your breath hitched as you felt him grab you by the waist and pull you bodies together. His hands felt so hot on your body and you still couldn’t bring yourself to look up into his gaze.

That is until he placed a hand on your chin and gently pulled it up to look into your eyes.

“Don’t tell me you’re all shy now sweetheart?” He said with a smirk and he tugged your bodies closer.

“Where’s all that talk from earlier?” He whispered as he kissed the skin beneath your ear, before moving his lips to your jaw and leaving soft caressing kisses trailing down your jaw, down to where your neck meets your collarbone

Okay, you have definitely lost the ability to breathe, let alone to speak several moments ago. If he wasn’t currently holding you so tightly your legs would’ve given out from under you.

All you could feel was him and all your mind can think of is Rooster. Rooster. Rooster.

He finally brought his head back up and stared at your lips. He licked his before he finally closed the distance between you and-

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

You woke up in your bed in a cold sweat.

Holy shit, it was just a dream. It felt so real.

You could’ve sworn you could still feel his hand gripping on your waist and his hot breath on your ear.

You glanced at your alarm clock to see that you overslept by 30 minutes!

You quickly got up and got ready, you swear to God you had never gotten ready faster in your life. But you still managed to be 15 minutes late.

Your supervisor was not happy. But you were normally punctual so they allowed you this one oversight. As long as you swore to never repeat it again.

You finally caught your breath and settled in your station. You were relieved that you didn’t miss too much.

But since you were late Rooster was assigned to a different ATC on his flight plan for the day.

This did make you sad but in a way maybe it was necessary for today.

First because you could not possibly hold a conversation with him after the erotic dream that you still hadn't physically recovered from, and second because you were actually becoming pathetic.

You had set 4 simple rules for yourself when you joined the Navy

Stay Focused

Always be punctual

Sleep early to be well rested, and most importantly

Do not get involved with Navy men.

You somehow managed to break all rules in the last few weeks.

You had a wet dream that caused you to break your perfect punctuality streak. A dream that was about a certain pilot that caused you to stay up late and has spent the better part of a month distracting you.

For the lack of better phrasing, you really needed to get your shit together.

But when you stepped into the mess hall after a fairly productive half of a day, and saw his face, you remembered just why you were so enamored.

A smile from him was worth breaking the rules you set for yourself.

——————————————————————————————-

You were probably home for less than 10 minutes when you heard the text notification coming from the living room.

You wiped your hands on a dish rag and walked out of the kitchen to grab your phone, which you almost dropped upon seeing who the text came from.

The text last night was completely unexpected and was definitely part of the reason why Rooster somehow made it into your dream. And even though you were half asleep at the time, you managed to save his number under “Rooster ✈️🐔”.

Which is how you knew you were staring at a text from said aviator.

Rooster ✈️🐔: Missed you today :(

You have been carefully analyzing the text for the last 30 seconds you laid eyes on it. He missed you??? What does that mean? He had your number for the better part of two days and he only managed to contact you when you were almost asleep, and after a day of ignoring him.

Asking him what he meant would be too obvious and would make you come out as naïve. So you did what any rational woman with a crush would do. Deflect.

You: Do you have a problem with emojis or something?

Rooster ✈️🐔: Huh? What do you mean?

You: I can’t remember the last time I saw someone use emoticons unironically.

Rooster ✈️🐔: Are you making fun of me? I personally think emoticons are neat

Rooster ✈️🐔: And I don’t know how to download emojis :/

You felt like a schoolgirl as you felt your face break into a grin at his antics.

You were formulating a reply when you were interrupted by the screen indicating an incoming call from Rooster ✈️🐔.

You stared at your phone in panic and let it continue to ring. Holy shit he was calling you. At least in text you can formulate a plan and have a carefully crafted response. You did not have that luxury with a voice call.

But what are you going to do? Ignore it?

You had to make a decision fast. Okay yes, it will be a little more nerve wracking to speak on a voice call but that's better than nothing right? And you spoke to him all the time over comms, even though technically it is different because those conversations can be hidden under the guise of carrying out your job and you did not have that safety net in this situation.

After a few seconds you thought “Fuck it” and pressed the green button.

“Hi” You answered with a breath.

“Oh thank god, you actually answered” He responded, teasing relief in his voice.

“What? You thought I wouldn’t?” You asked him as if it was the most outlandish thing in the world (even you were seriously debating it less than a minute ago).

“Well lets look at the track record, you rejected my dinner invite, doubted my skill as a world class pilot, left me on read last night, and just made fun of my emoticons.”

“The signs were all pointing there.”

You bursted out in laughter at his rantings.

“Wow! And now you’re laughing at my misery, a man just can’t win with you can they sweetheart?” He feigned hurt.

“I’m sorry Lieutenant Commander, I didn’t realize it was so easy to hurt your feelings.” You teased him.

“AND were back to Lieutenant Commander? You do not pull your punches, do you?”

“I’d like to think we’re past all those formalities, outside of work please call me Rooster, or rather yet, call me Bradley.” He asserted.

“Sometimes I forget your full god given name is Bradley Bradshaw. Brad Brad. I’m making that your name on my phone” You continued to tease with a giggle.

“Did your parents know what they were subjecting you to?”

“Ha Ha very funny, unfortunately they were the main ones who made the Brad Brad joke.” He admitted dejected.

This caused you to laugh again.

“Hey this is not fair! I don’t even know your name to make fun of.” You could practically hear the pout in his voice.

“You know I’m gonna find out your name eventually sweetheart, so why don’t you just give it up now?”

“But where’s the fun in that?”

You wanted to finally tell him your name, you did. But that just opens a can of worms that would lead to reality, which you were not yet ready to face.

“I can’t call you ATC forever sweetheart..”

“Well.. what do you want to call me?”

“Preferably your name?” He suggested.

“You only get one chance to choose so try again.” You warned.

“And make it good”

“Okay fine I’ll bite.” He finally gave in.

“Lets see, what to call you….”

“Well you laugh a lot, and most of the time at me, so I think I want to use something related to that.”

“It’s not my fault you’re so easy to make fun of.” You quipped.

“Fair enough. Just know I only let you because I actually like the sound of your laugh.”

You felt the blush creep onto your cheeks again.

“Clock is ticking, and you’re wasting your time flirting. What is it gonna be?” You goaded him.

“Okay Okay, but don’t think I won’t continue later.”

“I have no doubt about it”

“So something pertaining laughing…hmmm. Giggles?”

“If you call me Giggles, I’m hanging up and blocking you.” You threaten him.

He responded with his own laugh, and god if you didn’t love his as much as he claimed to like yours.

“Chuckles?”

“I prefered Giggles.” You grimaced

“Merry?”

“Too Christmas-y”

“Chirpy?”

“That sounds like a name for a bird or something you’d call your grandma. How are you so bad at this?”

“I’m trying!”

“Try to pick something better than all of those please, and do it in the next 30 seconds or I revoke your naming permissions.”

“Fine…Okay! I got it!”

“Cloud!”

“Cloud?” You asked

“Yes! Like flying on Cloud 9!”

His selection brought a smile to your face. You pretended to think on it.

“It’s acceptable.”

“Yes!”

“See? I’m not completely useless, and it fits because I’m flying on Cloud 9 whenever I know you’re my ATC.”

His admission caused your breath to catch in your throat. He really did know how to make a girl feel special, even though you knew you had no actual chance with him in the real world.

“I bet you say that to all the ATCs.”

“Well they are responsible for making sure that I don’t crash into other planes on the runway. Gotta keep them happy somehow”

You laugh at his joke, but holding some sadness because even though he was joking, in a way it felt like it held some truth.

“But seriously, you have no idea how much joy you brought me yesterday. Both with our conversation and seeing that you actually gave me your number. Which is why I was really sad that you weren’t my ATC today.”

He sounded sincere, but you tried to keep yourself from taking his lines to heart.

You smiled.

“Speaking of your number, how the hell did you get that piece of paper into my dash?”

“There was no one else I saw near my jet except my squad and they were with me the entire time. When did you manage to do it?”

“A girl doesn’t reveal her secrets Rooster.” You jested

“Speaking of secrets, pray tell why it took you over twelve hours to use it?” You asked him, you had to know.

“Yeah, sorry about that late text sweetheart… I stayed out at the Hard Deck with Mav a little later than usual. It was my dad’s death anniversary and I honestly spent most of the day sulking and dreading leaving my apartment.”

“Oh.. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” You responded sympathetically, now feeling guilty at asking such an intrusive question.

“No worries sweetheart, the minute I heard your voice on comms, it brightened my day, even more so when you gave me your number.”

“So thank you for the boost and the motivation to finally kick Mav’s ass in the sky.”

Your heart felt warm hearing that you had that effect on him, you woul’ve believed his words if you didn’t know better.

“You’re welcome Bradley.” You finally called him by his real first name, admittedly it felt right coming from your mouth.

You both sat in comfortable silence when you were interrupted by the smoke alarm in your kitchen. It hit you that your dinner was left on the stove forgetten during your conversation with Bradley.

“Oh shit, I’m pretty sure I just burnt my dinner. I gotta go before I set my entire apartment on fire.”

Bradley chuckled at your unintentional lapse of memory.

“Okay sweetheart I’ll talk to you soon.”

You ended the call.

You managed to clear out the smoke out of your apartment, but unfortunately did not save your chicken.

You had to settle for a frozen hot pocket that had been in your freezer for God know how long, but hey it did the job and beggars can’t be choosers.

You felt the tiredness from the busy workday hit you and you decided it was a good idea to turn in early. You showered and finished your nighttime routine and settled into your bed with your phone on your nightstand.

Your phone flashed once again to signal a text. Apparently, Rooster had the same idea about an early night.

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Goodnight Cloud <3 I’ll talk to you tomorrow

You: Goodnight Bradley :)

——————————————————————————————-

You were honestly pleasantly surprised at how consistently you and Bradley communicated.

It followed the same schedule. During the days, you were usually his ATC so he would of course flirt with you over comms, and you’d try to maintain come decorum of professionalism, but would eventually flirt black. Persistence is key and Bradley is nothing if not persistent.

When he wasn’t in the air during work hours he would sneakily text you his little random thoughts he had during the day.

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Have you ever noticed how small Hangman’s mouth is?

You: What?

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: No seriously look at it. His mouth is always scrunched up even when he smiles.

You: Why are you staring at Hangman’s mouth?

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: We’ve been stuck in this meeting and he keeps chewing that stupid toothpick, its distracting.

You: Didn’t realize you had a thing for Seresin, Brad Brad? 🤔

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: ???????

You: You just said his mouth is distracting

You: Its okay Rooster, just say you wanna kiss him, the tension between you is so thick you can cut it with a knife.

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: I don’t want to kiss Hangman >:(

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: You wanna know who I do wanna kiss though?

You: Let me guess…..

You: Bob!

You: Or better yet, Cyclone 🤪

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: No :(((

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: I wanna kiss you

You: Let’s Play 8 Ball!

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Ha ha you’re hilarious

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: If I beat you then can I get a kiss?

Read 2:13pm

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Ouch :(

On weekday nights where he didn’t go to the Hard Deck, you would have your nightly phone call at 7:30pm sharp where you would both stay on the phone while you both cooked dinner. You would catch up on the little things during the day that you didn’t text about and just mostly got to know one another.

You can admit that yes, what initially drew you to Rooster was his beautiful smile and his skill as a pilot. But the more you spoke to him the more you saw not just Lieutenant Commander “Rooster” Bradshaw. But you also saw Bradley.

You quickly saw that he was kind, humble, and so caring of others.

“Hey Cloud, I’m sorry for calling you so late.” You noticed his tone was more solemn than usual and checked the time, it was nearing 8pm.

“It’s fine Bradley, you’re not that late.”

“What’s wrong?” You asked him.

“Payback and Fanboy flew into a jetwash today….”

“They had to eject.” He answered dejectedly

“I heard about that. Are they okay?”

Laura told you about the incident a little earlier, she was the ATC for the flight. The ear-splitting static that hit her headset after the aircraft collided with the ground was enough to shake even the most experienced ATC. So you couldn’t imagine being the pilot and the WSO in that situation.

“They’re at the hospital overnight for observation. I stuck around to make sure they were okay.”

It was very strange for you to hear Rooster so despondent. You knew he cared about his friends, and he would do anything for them, but it felt like there was more to the situation.

“You’re very thoughtful for that Bradley.. I’m sure they appreciated it”

“It was my fault, Cloud.” he confessed.

You were taken aback at his admittance, but you would’ve heard if there was someone that was directly responsible for the accident, it involved aircraft worth millions of dollars after all.

“They flew into my jetwash.”

“Bradley, that wasn’t your fault, you couldn’t have controlled their flight path.” You tried to reassure him.

“But I shouldn’t have been so reckless!” He exclaimed.

“If I wasn’t so busy trying to outdo Coyote, I wouldn’t have almost hit a bird strike and had to slow down, and they wouldn't have gotten caught in the wash.”

You didn’t want to tell him he was being irrational for blaming himself for a situation that was clearly out of his hands, you knew there was something more there.

“But they’re fine right? Everyone is okay. No one was seriously hurt.” You explained to him.

“Yeah no one got hurt….THIS time.”

His statement piqued your interest, you were getting somewhere.

“What do you mean?”

He sighed, finally letting go of the pretenses.

“That’s how my dad died.” He confessed.

In a way you knew about LTJG Nick Bradshaw and his untimely death during his Top Gun training, but none of the sordid details. It felt disrespectful to dig into Rooster’s family without him knowing.

“Oh..” You couldn’t think of what to say.

“He and Mav flew into a jetwash and when they ejected…my dad hit his head on the canopy. Dead on impact.”

You kicked yourself for thinking he was being irrational. Now all his self blame and his aversion to throwing caution to the wind while flying finally made sense. It also made his relationship with Maverick a lot clearer to you.

On one hand, you were thrilled that he was confiding in you. But on the other hand you were also heartbroken for Bradley, he lost his dad so young and as much as you wanted to hug him, and let him cry on your shoulder, you couldn’t.

“Were you close?” You settled on asking him.

“We were, he’s the reason why I worked so hard to be where I am now.” He reminisced.

“I’m sure he is very proud of you Bradley. You are not only an incredible pilot, you are also an selfless, caring, and incredible man.” You reminded him.

“He would give all the credit to my mom.” He lightly chuckled.

“She raised me alone after my dad died.”

“She never remarried?” You asked

“No, she said that dad was her soulmate. She would never find another man like him.”

You can tell how much love Bradley had for his parents, and the love they shared for one another.

“It sounds like they were really in love.” You smiled

“They were. My dad would always serenade my mom. He loved the 50s and the 60s so everytime he saw a piano he would wail out ‘Great Balls of Fire’ while my mom would act embarrassed, but she would eventually sit on his lap and sing along.”

“That’s beautiful Brad, they really were soulmates.”

“I hope I can find a love like theirs someday.” You sighed dreamily.

“Who knows? Maybe you already have.” He responds softly.

A comfortable silence settled between you for a few moments.

“Hey Cloud”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for listening.”

“Anytime Bradley.”

You noticed that it was now getting late and exhaustion was starting to take over your body.

Bradley seemed to notice this as well.

“Do you think I can sing to you Cloud? Like my dad used to with my mom?”

“I would love that Brad.”

You slowly fell asleep to the sound of his voice singing ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You’.

And like that, there was no denying, that you’re falling even deeper.

——————————————————————————————-

You don’t know how much longer you can keep this up. It has been months since you and Rooster started talking regularly and you couldn’t help falling in love with him a little more everyday.

The problem is, you knew that his patience was wearing thin, as he was asking you more and more frequently when he can see you face to face or even know your real name.

You knew you owe him all of that, but how could you tell him? When you know in your heart that once he sees you and knows you. He would know you weren’t worth his time.

That realization kills you because he means everything to you. You’ve shared your hobbies, your stories, your dreams with him.

How can you go on living without him in your life once you know the feeling of him being there.

He has planted himself a permanent spot in your heart, and once he’s gone, there will be a gaping hole left in his wake.

He was being as kind and as patient with you as he could, but you couldn’t blame his growing anxiety about your identity.

It also didn’t help that you were constantly under the scrutinous eyes of Lieutenant Commander Seresin. After he caught you on the Tarmac, he seemed very suspicious of you. Like he knew you were up to something but just couldn’t put his finger on it.

Luckily you’ve been able to fly under the radar around him. Yes he could be a little ignorant and too much of a flirt for his own good but he was smart as a whip and you knew that if anyone could figure out what you were doing it would be him.

You were currently sat with ATCs in the mess hall, on the other side of the room from where the dagger squad has decided to congregate. You were trying to subtly sneak glances at Bradley.

He looked particularly handsome today, his sandy hair was slicked back and his tanned skin glowing. He even had his signature Ray Ban Caravans on. You normally hate when people wear sunglasses indoors but he made it work without looking like an asshole. And it looks damn good on him.

You sighed and as you moved your focus away to not arouse suspicion you noticed Hangman look at you with narrowed eyes. You pretended not to notice.

Your attention was diverted by the vibration of you phone signaling a notification.

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Is potato salad supposed to be green?

You smiled when you saw it was a text from Bradley

You: Depends, do you normally eat 2 week old potato salad?

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Mav said it was okay :(

You: Mav also thinks anything not cooked in a microwave is gourmet.

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Okay fair, its going into the trash.

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: You know what is gourmet though? ;)

You: Mav

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Not funny :(

You tried to hold in your laughter to no avail and it was loud enough for the other ATC s to look at you in confusion.

“Sorry, just saw a funny meme.” You explained, the ATCs accepted this explanation and went back to their previous activities.

You looked up again to catch another glimpse at Rooster when you saw Hangman staring at your phone in your hand with wide eyes. Then looked down at Rooster also smiling down at his own phone, and then back at you.

You could see the wheels in his head turning, and then he made a face that made it clear that he connected the dots.

Oh shit. You had to get out of here.

You quickly packed up your food and sat up, not bothering to say goodbye to your fellow ATCs.

You ran out the mess hall and down the hallway but before you could turn the corner a hand pulls you back.

You are now face to face with Lieutenant Commander Seresin. He looked at you for a few seconds

“You’re Air Traffic Control right?” he asked you with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes sir I am.” You said trying to disguise your voice the same as you did on the tarmac.

“Don’t play games with me honey, I know that’s not your real voice.” You gulped

He still had a grip on your arm so you couldn’t run even if you wanted to. Curse these Navy men and their workout routines.

“Tell me your name, and that’s an order.”

You were sweating under his gaze, you’ve never felt more panicked in your life.

You tell him your name in your real voice.

He finally released his grip on you and also seemed to drop his serious demeanor.

“I knew there was something about you! You’re the ATC that old chicken has been flirting with over comms aren’t you??”

You nod looking down at your feet. Damn it, there goes your whole relationship (if you can even call it that) with Rooster, because Hangman is definitely going to rat you out.

“You see, Rooster was telling the squad that he was in love. And so of course we ask him who she is.”

“But how surprising was it when he said that not only has he never seen her face to face, he doesn’t even know her name.”

He was now pacing up and down the hallway.

“Then I remembered that day where he bet you your number if he shot down Mav, he magically got a piece of paper with a number on his dash seemingly coming from nowhere.”

��But it wasn’t a magic trick at all, was it?” He asked you rhetorically.

“No sir.”

“Exactly! Because I caught you sneaking off the Tarmac moments before Rooster jumped into his plane and happily announcing that he got your phone number.”

“I saw your face, so you are both the ATC over comms and the girl he talks to, the one he says he’s in love with.”

You looked up shocked at his statement.

“He’s in love with me?”

You looked up from the ground with hopeful eyes.

“Yes he is.” Hangman tells you matter of factly.

“You’ve presumably been talking to Rooster for months, but you've yet to meet him in person, let alone even tell him your name.”

“What game are you playing here?” He asks you

“It’s not a game, I do care about Bradley.” You sighed.

“So then what is it?”

“Sir, can we not please talk about it here?”

You anxiously look around and see that people were now in the hallway exiting from the mess hall. And god forbid that Bradley was one of them.

“Fine.”

“Meet me at the Hard Deck after work.”

——————————————————————————————-

You were seated at the bar in the Hard Deck, your left leg bouncing anxiously.

You checked your watch, 5:47pm. Hangman said to meet him here right after work and you basically sped off the base to get to the bar on time.

You’ve been nursing the same beer for the past almost 30 minutes. You couldn’t focus on anything but the sound of your heart beating in your chest.

What was taking him so long? Did he forget? Did he already tell Bradley?

A million more questions swirled in your head. But you knew that if Hangman didn’t show up you were basically screwed.

Your self pity was interrupted by the booming sound of naval aviators strolling through the entrance, with one of them being Bradley and of course Hangman.

You were simultaneously trying to avoid Rooster’s gaze, while trying to catch Hangman’s attention.

When you finally caught his eye, you gave him a panicked questioning look. He gave you a subtle nod while continuing his conversation with the rest of the squadron.

The crew made their way to their usual spot in the back with the pool tables. Hangman excused himself from the group nodding towards you.

You kept your eyes on him as he made his way to you.

“Jimmy, can I get a beer?” Hangman asks the bartender.

“Lieutenant Commander.” You greeted him as he sat on the stool directly beside you.

He returned the greeting by saying your name.

“So let’s just get this out of the way. Did you tell Bradley?” You asked him, feeling a large brick settle in your stomach.

“You can relax.. I didn’t tell Bradshaw.” He replies

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. Relief flooding your body.

“But don’t think that you’re off the hook, you have some explaining to do.” Hangman added.

“What do you want to know sir?” You swallowed nervously.

“First of all, who are you exactly?”

“I’m no one, I’m just an ATC.” You told him, looking down at your hands.

“Well you’re clearly not ‘no one’ if you’ve caught Rooster’s attention.” He rebutted.

“You’re little avoidance tricks might work on Rooster, but they won’t work on me.”

“And I know all your excuses for not meeting him are complete bs.”

“So why are you hiding from him?”

Now that’s the million dollar question isn’t it? It has been months since you started talking to Bradley, you spoke to him every single day, and fell asleep to the sound of his voice every night. Why were you hiding from him?

“I-.....I don’t know.” You confessed to Hangman.

“Then whats stopping me from getting up and telling Rooster who you are?” Hangman asked you with a raised eyebrow.

You stared at him, the words lost in your throat.

“Nothing then I guess..” He got up and started his way to the back.

You pulled his arm back similar to how he did to you earlier that day. He looked at you and your hand on his arm.

“Please don’t…I beg you.”

He sat back down on his stool giving you a questioning look but gave you the time to get your thoughts together.

“I never intended for it to go on this long or this far..” You explained.

“Bradley is so important to me. I knew he was special the first time I ever heard his voice.”

“It was during the uranium plant detachment from a few months ago. I risked my whole damn career to save him.”

“I released the dagger reserve without Admiral Simpson’s approval.” You continued.

“That was you? You gave me clearance that day?” His eyes finally lost the skepticism and was replaced with admiration.

“I did, everyone in that control room was completely frozen. I couldn’t just let them die.”

“But that doesn’t explain this whole situation you have going on with him.” He questioned

“That was the last I expected to ever see of him, but you all decided to stay here in Miramar and I made the mistake of speaking to him a little too long over comms.”

“That’s to be expected honey, Rooster is a big ol flirt.” Hangman chuckled.

“Well not as a big of a flirt as me though.” He winked at you.

He was trying to ease your worries and you appreciated that from him. Especially since he thought the worst of you less than 10 minutes ago.

“And of course you and Mav have heard how he got my number over comms and thats currently where we are now.” You finished.

“Okay so thats the backstory, and you clearly care about him and he cares about you.”

“So it still doesn't answer why you haven’t told him who you are.”

“Think about it this way Lieutenant Commander…”

“You, Phoenix, Payback, Coyote, and Rooster. You are some of the most important and most revered people in the Navy short of the Admirals.”

“You are the first in command, you are the best of the best in the entire world.”

“What do I? A low level ATC, have to offer Bradley?.”

“I am just me, and he is who he is. I could never be a person whos good enough for him.”

“But didn’t I just tell you? Bradshaw is in love with you.” Hangman argued.

You smiled sadly, turning your head to glance at Bradley at the pool tables. His head thrown back in laughter at something Fanboy said.

“Maybe..he is.” You turned back to Hangman.

“But one look at me and he’ll change his mind.”

“I don’t understand. Do you think you’re-” Hangman’s response was interrupted by Rooster popping up behind you both.

“Hangman, I thought you were getting a beer?”

You suddenly felt lightheaded, the sight of Rooster standing so close to you making your heart beat a million times per minute.

“Whos your friend?” Rooster asked Hangman while looking at you with a smile.

You wouldn’t dare open your mouth and speak, risking Bradley recognizing your voice. You stared at Hangman with pleading eyes, hoping he didn’t give you away to Rooster.

Hangman looked at Rooster and back at you, pausing for a moment.

Hangman finally speaks telling Rooster your name. Fuck. You were naïve to think he’d keep your secret.

“We actually just met, she’s getting over a case of laryngitis so her voice is a little hoarse.” Hangman explained.

You smiled at him, silently thanking him for not revealing your charade.

“Hi, nice to meet you.” You let out in a hoarse voice, turning to look at Bradley.

He reached out and shook your hand and you can feel your stomach doing backflips for finally getting to touch the man that you’ve spent several months falling in love with.

“Well I’m sorry to hear that ma’am, I hope you feel better.” Bradley offered politely.

“I’ll leave you and Hangman to your conversation.” He excused himself and returned to the pool table, you stared at him longingly as he walked away.

Hangman looked at you in amusement.

“You got it bad, don’t you honey?” Hangman asked with a slight chuckle.

“That obvious?” You asked him

“Couldn’t be any less subtle if you tried.”

“Which makes it so funny that Bradshaw had no clue its you.” He chortled.

“Me personally, if I were him, I would know it was you the minute I saw you.” He added with a smirk,

Leave it to Hangman to be an insatiable flirt.

“Thank you for helping me out.”

As big of an asshole Hangman can be, he really did have a good heart.

“Your secret is safe with me honey.”

——————————————————————————————-

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#rooster top gun #rooster imagine #rooster angst #rooster x reader #rooster x y/n #rooster #hangman #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #jake seresin #Top gun #top gum maverick #top gun one shot

240 notes · View notes

mudhamster · 5 months

Text

Can he woo him with niceties?

30. November

Izuku stares at the small jar between his sweaty hands. It was filled with twenty-four small, rolled up pieces of paper. A calendar. Handmade. For Kacchan.

Initially, he had simply scribbled pleasantries on them. A kind gesture between friends. Good friends. Friends who are cool with each other as long as there are other people in the room. Friends who get along perfectly until they are left alone somewhere. But then...came the overwhelming desire for more. For some kind of clarity. For closure.

It's been years now. Years. Years in which he has streamlined his admiration for Kacchan and crushed it every chance he got, every time it got too big in his head, every time it got so intense that it made him almost brave and way too stupid. He feels like floating on waves of hope and terror as soon as Kacchan looked at him for a second too long. And he did. Often. It was horror. Emotional torture. For years.

But it wouldn't go on for another year.

Approaching Kacchan face to face with the 'issue' was out of the question. A no-go, his head, stomach and heart would instantly combust if Kacchan would just look at him, the moment Izuku confronted him with this plan whirling in his mind.

But with this jar full of possibilities... it offers the perfect opportunity to finally... FINALLY close the loop.

Now is the best time of the year to do it, because there comes a day for everyone when it's time to go home and celebrate Christmas. Time to fill the belly with pot roast and the head with carols and ideas for the future.

Sighing softly, he ran his index finger through the colorful scraps of paper. He wanted to do this. He really did. But it scared the hell out of him.

His original idea to gift Kacchan a nice little calendar had turned into a subtle plan to woo the other. He had crumpled up some of the harmless slips of paper and replaced them. Some of the notes were now of a more daring nature. The note with 'Hug', for example. If Kacchan drew it too early, it could ruin everything.

And the note for the 24th ... well, Kacchan was only allowed to open it after all the others had been used. Because on the last note, Izuku had finally thrown caution to the wind. It was all or nothing at Christmas, IF Kacchan used all the other 23 notes.

This was the only way he would survive the opening of this particular note. It was pure tactics. Assuming that he and Kacchan had already failed in the attempt to hug (and let's be honest: he does), Kacchan could simply let the 24th note go up in flames and both of them would still have enough dignity left to overlook this desperate attempt to get closer next year.

With a final prayer to the All Might, who looked down on him from his wall in poster form, he picked up the jar and left his room.

He knocks, twice, lowers his hand and steps back. The glass mists between his fingers, the skin between his shoulder blades damp. He is so nervous that he has to actively remind himself to breathe. To relax his face, to keep his shoulders from hunching under his ears. To appear relaxed.

Behind the door, he heard the creak of a desk chair and took a breath so quickly that black spots crossed his vision. Shifting his weight, Izuku raised the glass to his chest with both hands and forced himself to smile. Except... Kacchan hated fake smiles. The corners of his mouth turned down within a second. Footsteps could be heard. His little finger slipped off the glass. "Crap," he gasped, lowering the glass to his stomach and hastily wiping it dry on his sweater. One of the slips fell out.

"C-crap!"

He crouches, his knee barely touching the floor, as the door jerks open. A pair of black socks steps up to the threshold, the silence filled with so much unspoken dialogue that Izuku already knew how Kacchan was looking at him before he even turned his head.

The blond skipped his What the hell? and Izuku skipped his apology.

Instead, he picked up the small piece of green paper from the ground, threw it into the glass with the others and straightened up.

"This," he holds out his hands with the glass, "is for you."

Red eyes, narrowed in skepticism and annoyance, sink down to his hands over his insecure grin. Izuku follows his gaze.

To the jar of niceties.

The jar of risks.

If he gripped it any tighter, the glass would shatter. Now or never.

If Katsuki took it now, he would have no chance to change what would happen next. Licking his lips, he nodded encouragingly, "It's a calendar."

Murmuring something that sounded very much like "For what?", Katsuki simply took the jar from his hands, shook it and looked into it with irritation. "What are these notes?"

Izuku's heart stuttered heavily, for the jar had finally left his possession and his fate had taken an inevitable direction, the outcome of which suddenly seemed to him as if he were sailing without sails on an endless ocean, on whose horizon heavy storm clouds were already gathering, which his naked boat would surely...

"Deku"

His thought snapped and he jumped. What was the question? He stared back at the glass, searching for words that weren't 90% cheesy, then squeaked, "Niceties.”

Katsuki's eyes narrowed even more, even though he hadn't thought it possible, and before Izuku understood what was happening, he pulled out one of the pieces. He tucked the glass under his arm and was about to unfold the note when Izuku's brain caught up with him.

"Don't!" he shouts, "Not yet!" he grabbed Kacchan's hand, clutching warm fingers and the note and looking up with a pounding heart, "It's a calendar, Kacchan! You don't open the first drawing until tomorrow. Not - not today."

"And who's gonna stop me, huh?" he grunts and jerks his hand free, "You?"

The thought of taking the glass back from him pops into his head. He is at a loss for words. How could he make Kacchan wait until tomorrow? Should he appeal to his honor? His dignity? Kacchan's manners?

"Just please ...don't."

As always, pleading with the blonde was like a squirt of lemon in the eye. Kacchan winced and almost reluctantly put the note back into the glass, giving Izuku, who was still standing in the hallway, a last, deeply irritated look.

"Thanks or whatever."

And well. With that, the jar was indeed handed over. Ugh. Just like that.

Izuku takes a last breathless look at Kacchan's hands, in which the glass seems to be even smaller than in his own, before the door slams shut in his face.

"Good night Kacchan," he whispers, his nerves fraying faster than the fastest cycle of a washing machine, as he heads back to his own room.

The calendar for spoiler immune folks:

30 notes · View notes

ealvara7 · 8 days

Text

Watching the Tour Cast for the Very First Time!!! ✨

During a conversation in one of the Discord groups I'm in, one of my good friends shared with me a Beetlejuice Tour boot that included Jackera Davis as Lydia!

I'm still going to see the musical on May 22nd, but I thought this would be a really cool way for me to get better acquainted with how the Tour cast play their roles!

I'll leave my notes under a "read-more", so you can keep scrolling! Thanks for reading, regardless! ✨

Jackera's voice is beautiful... 💖

She doesn't linger on a lot of her notes, which gives off the impression that her Lydia is more angry about the situation she is currently facing. That's a nice take on her character!

Justin jumpscared me the first time I saw him! I've only ever heard his Beetlejuice voice on a couple of YouTube videos, so getting to see his face was such a surreal experience- (The initial silence when he pulls down the paper was depressing...)

I've actually noticed this on a couple of GIFs, but the area where the banjolele was thrown in The Whole "Being Dead" Thing was moved to the back! I'm not sure if this is consistent on all stages, but I imagine this was done in order to adapt to as many of them as they can!

Similarly, Sandy does not appear at the beginning in the Tour version. This I had been aware of for some time now-

In the Tour version, the house is hidden behind a curtain, which is something Beetlejuice mentions just before it opens.

In the boot I'm watching, Justin goes:

"It's a house!!!"

Then he does a little pose, which immediately knocked me out-

Also, I now see what people were talking about with the tongue thing Justin does... and now I can't unsee it-

Another Tour change that I had known for some time is the usage of electrical items for the Maitlands' death. Adam purchases an eletrical adapter, rather than Manchurian tung oil, in order to light up the new mobile connected to the crib. Some of the lyrics in Ready Set, Not Yet have also been changed to reflect this.

Jackera has to have my favorite characterization of Lydia so far!!!

I always imagine Lydia to be rather lively, like her cartoon counterpart, but still carrying the angst that she is going through in the musical, and Jackera does this! The only difference is that Jackera leans more on the angry side of Lydia, which gives her more of a punk teen vibe. I love it so much, and I feel like she plays off the rest of the cast so well!!! 💖

In Fright of their Lives, the chorus simply walk in rather than the set opening to reveal them. It's a little heartbreaking to see that change... but I get the idea at this point-

On a lighter note - Justin interacts with the chorus after they get interrupted and says:

"Sorry guys... I'll pay you for the full thing-"

Once again, knocking me out-

Beetlejuice's mood ring hair... is not present in the Tour version. I had been very well aware of this for some time, but out of all the changes made to the Tour version... this one was the one that hurt me the most.

In my heart, Collettejuice most certainly has mood ring hair, even if it's not visually presented on stage.

Speaking of Collettejuice... I've notice a ton of little things that make him distinct from other Beetlejuices. For example, he is very fidgety and fast - he usually apologizes more than once when it comes to a situation that he's in. He also appears to be more disconnected when it comes to his emotions - rather than being sad, he likes to make fun of his own misery. He'll also get really angry when things don't go his way.

During Say My Name, Jackera's Lydia is just absolutely not having it with Beetlejuice. Instead, she is very quick to turn down his offer and simply stands her ground.

Also, when the Maitlands appear, Colletejuice is just visually bitter and upset towards them??? Oh my god???

It makes his "old pals" statement feel more condescending, which is a very nice twist from other Beetlejuices, who usually look happy to see them!

I find it kind of adorable that at the beginning of Act 2, Jackera Lydia is much happier with Beetlejuice, but still not entirely sure about all the little quirks he does. It's like when you're getting better acquainted with a new friend, which is exactly what is happening here.

I love how Collettejuice is just absolutely embarrassed by his plan to have Lydia marry him. Like, it's the only option he has, but if he had it his way... he absolutely would not be doing that.

"If you wanna save Barbara, I need you... to marry me!"

"WHAT?!"

"..."

"It's a green card thing... guys..."

There are a couple of instrumental additions in the Tour version, but easily my most favorite has to be the violin addition in Home.

It's slow... and sad... and somber... It fits with the rest of the song perfectly, and I can no longer imagine the song without it.

Jackera also did a fantastic job with this song! Home requires a ton of strength when it comes to hitting certain notes, and she pulls it off perfectly! I'm so glad I got to hear her sing! 💖

In the Life or Death scene, the wheel has been replaced with stocks. Before Otho dies, he is carried off stage by two skeletons.

Beetlejuice's game show outfit in the Tour has the same yellow blazer. However, the outfit is now green at the top, and blue at the middle and bottom.

I... am personally not a fan of this design choice. I feel like having all blue in contrast with the yellow works wonderfully to create a bold look. Adding green at the top makes the outfit blend in a bit... and that just doesn't work for me.

That being said... I adore the addition of the lapel pin on Beetlejuice's wedding blazer! I'm a huge sucker for Beetlejuice wearing a rose or any other kind of flower on his lapel-

I feel like I've said everything that I have to say for this boot, except for one more thing...

Justin's wonderful addition to the last "This guy knows what I'm talking about!" will never stop making me go crazy whenever I hear it.

"Look, I only joke because I see myself in you... later tonight."

#rambles #beetlejuice #beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice the musical tour #lydia deetz #justin collette #jackera davis

9 notes · View notes

travellingdragon · 11 months

Text

Temeraire - Appendices, Short Stories and Deleted Scenes or the result of my unplanned crafting weekend.

It turned out much better than I ever thought??? So far I have bound two very simple booklets and a notebook with the help of my sister, so my expectations were not really high tbh.

progress below the cut

I started this project because I was annoyed by the lack of appendices in some editions of the Temeraire books and collected (hopefully) all of them with the help of the Temeraire discord, especially Maz and stargrazing 🧡 I also found some deleted scenes and added the short stories I know of. The typesetting was fun until word decided to fuck with the formatting but that honestly wasn't much of a surprise.

The next step was to print everything out, and then print out the first few pages again, since my sister found way better fonts than I did (thanks!), so I could get close to the Temeraire woodcut covers (though, yes, @nighttimepatrons the T could be mistaken for a J ^^).

After I folded all the sections, I had to think about just how I was actually going to bind this book. Initially I was thinking about something in the style of Japenese bookbinding, though the inner margin would have probably been too small for that. There's a very good youtube channel about bookbinding (called DAS bookbinding) that I went to and though I couldn't find anything about Japanese bookbinding, I found a video about Ethiopian two-needle binding. I decided to go with that since it seemed doable and looks fancy.

The next step was to make the front and back of the book. Luckily (since I'm an incorrigible arts/crafts stuff hoarder) I still had some cardboard notebook backs which came in handy. The question that then came up was what to cover them with. The nicest paper I could find was gift wrapping paper that still made me go meh. Then, however, I remembered that I'd taken three of the encyclopedia books my parents had thrown out (they are from 1975, slightly outdated, even thought they look very fancy) and kept them (again: arts/crafts stuff hoarder). One of those was the book with maps, because I love maps.

Originally I was going to just use the Great Britain/Ireland map - with Ireland, Wales and England on the front, and Scotland and assorted isles on the back - but my sister (again, thanks!) gave me the idea to put the map upright and cover the rift with the title. Obviously that meant that I needed a new idea for the back and for that I went with a map of the world since Temeraire does travel quite a lot.

Now with all the individual parts assembled, I punched some holes and went to find some yarn. I thought I was going to go with the thin yarn you can see above but that was really way too thin, even when I used three parallel strands. Instead I used embroidery yarn I still had lying around. Since bookbinding yarn is apparently waxed, I grabbed a beeswax candle and pulled the yarn I used over it. I don't know if it actually did something helpful, but it certainly smelled good.

Ethiopian two-needle bookbinding uses - as the name says - two needles, if you have two holes and two pieces of yarn. I made four holes and so I had four needles and four pieces of yarn. I guess you could also use just one (or in my case two) pieces of yarn, but if you use two (four) differently coloured pieces of yarn, you'll get a fancy pattern at the spine!

The spine is a lot broader than the front of the book but I can live with that. If I'd made the sections larger, I might have avoided that or it would have been less noticeable at least.

This was a really lovely project that that turned out much better than I could have hoped!!! I powered through this in a weekend+ (started on Friday, finished up Monday morning) and I had a great time :3

Now to wrap this post up, here's a photo of this book with the two booklets I've bound (the short stories are also in the book) and one of it in the shelf with the other Temeraire books:

#temeraire #bookbinding #crafting #my art #i'll count this as art #my tem art #tem: cover

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mymoonfearblog · 4 months

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"Side Two" Theory: The Web and "Protocol"

These are my admittedly rudimentary thoughts on what to expect of The Magnus Protocol. I'll note for starters that I have only just joined the online fandom so I have NO idea what kind of speculation has already happened and someone may have already said this somewhere. Not intentionally copying anyone though.

So it seems like the primary speculation starts with how the world of TMP is connected to the world of TMA...

One thing my friend Roxy @the-sound-and-the-furry had brought up with me on call following us listening to the TMA finale was the distinction between the titles of the two series', and how telling it could be. We know the Eye to be an entity not inclined towards any sort of direct action or interference - the dissonance between this and Jon's behaviors during the series being one of the main tells that he's not strictly in association with the Eye - and the title of Archives lends itself to this as well. What has happened has already happened, and you're a mere observer of it.

The title of Protocol, on the other hand, is a very proactive title, as Roxy pointed out. 'Protocol' is based around a simple question:

"What do we do if X happens?"

Within a week of this conversation, Roxy shared the following with me.

So I think this is a really sexy theory, and positing the idea of "is this the universe we came from, the next universe, or perhaps the PREVIOUS one" I think is key to answering the questions we all have about TMP.

But later on, in a similar conversation, something entirely different occurred to me.

In this instance, we were discussing the specifics of the TMA finale. Specifically, the Web's (alleged) plan and what about it did or didn't make sense. Here were my messages:

(I am very aware the Spider chose the Eye specifically for its foolish nature this is just talking about hypothetically while it was initially forming its plan).

Roxy's notions about this:

It was in the process of replying to this idea that I was struck by the larger theory.

"The Magnus Protocol".

"What do we do if there's another Magnus?"

We know the Institute at least exists in the world of TMP, so ostensibly Magnus would've been planning the same things here.

And speaking of...

I think that with the tone of Gwendolyn Bouchard in the trailer, we sort of naturally pegged her as a sinister counterpart to Elias as we knew him in the series. But it makes far more sense that she'd be a pissed-off relative to me.

(The Smirke Line doc is a separate theory doc I had created earlier in my listening to the series. Perhaps someday I'll get into it or discuss the specifics of the Web's overarching nature in other Powers' business. This is not that post, however. For the time being I think it's self-explanatory enough.)

There's also the fact that in this universe, modern technology is used to make the recordings, which given the Web's history with technology, and the incompatibility of the stories with it which created the necessity for the tapes, would suggest to me an entirely different type of plan for this universe.

I finally got the chance to go over the ARG results with some friends, and I won't say anything there particularly jumped out at me in terms of supporting or disproving this idea. But no loss is a win where I'm concerned, at least in the short term. I'm fully ready for this to be thrown out in episode one.

There was one other thought which did occur to me, though I'm not entirely sure I have the evidence necessary to support it, and it pretty much makes for just messy speculation right now. I'd be remiss if there's even a chance it's true and I didn't put it out there, though.

Throwing everything I just said about which universe we're in out the window, let's assume we ARE in the universe which follows the initial one from TMA - the one the entities were sent to.

Given that there are aspects to the Web's theoretical plan that seem confusing on paper, as well as one particular web-based episode I think didn't actually get explored further later in the show and its clues were never explained (hint: it's in season four), can we be so certain we know the ORIGINAL finale plan in its entirety?

This merits further investigation. But I do wonder if it's in any way possible that, should my idea about the Web's possible 'alternate route' be accurate, the original series was in some way meant to carry out this plan all along. That gets a bit red-string, I know. But for the moment, I'm not sure it's necessarily proven wrong. Feel free to comment or ask me about it if there are things that you think do, though. I'm very interested in unpacking this further and that's hard to do in a bubble.

Probably several other spider-based posts to come in the near future. I promise to occasionally talk about other things as well, maybe. There's several things I still haven't unpacked here that square interestingly with these ideas but I think it's too much for one post, and I don't want to go any further off the rails than I already have.

This post is already too much. If you did read it then cheers. Please come talk to me about stuff I've been waiting nearly a YEAR to talk to this fandom.

#the magnus archives #tma #the magnus protocol #side two theory #i'll see you guys on thursday when this all gets hardcore debunked in the first episode #statement of res regarding #magpod #tmagp

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n7punk · 11 months

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"Superzero" Fic Notes

Superzero, my secret superhero AU, is finally done! As usual, it went way longer than predicted, but I had a lot of fun with it so thanks for being along for the ride. The fic notes are… long.

Epilogue Life:

Scorpia takes longer learning her powers than is “typical” as a result of the crack in the garnet, but it does slowly heal over in her care. Her powers are also just a particularly dangerous set, but she learns to aim them at the technology and weapons of those coming at her rather than the heart. It takes a bit of training, but eventually she joins them in the field. The entire Alliance considers her the most likely to compromise them, but she’s one of the fold, so they take her in.

Catra continues to train alongside her and eventually the papers pick up on a secret member of the Alliance between some odd occurences and the name Ghost being thrown around. It’s still just speculation that’s never confirmed, but Catra is a part of the plan.

With the Horde dissolved, they do still see the odd supervillain or group attempting to rise up in their place (the Crimson Waste, for once) so they still have superheroing to do, not to mention natural disasters to help out in, but they aren’t as busy as they were before. They have more time for each other. And also studying. Catra of course finishes law school and passes the bar, eventually becoming a lawyer. Adora is stupidly proud of her. She works in a clinic for a while before becoming a full vet herself, but she gets there too and they do end up with that bayview apartment she wants eventually.

Chapter 1: Chance Encounter

⦁ Adora was Going Through It™️ when she fought Shadow Weaver, as the breakup was still fresh and she needed an outlet, which ended up being Shadow Weaver’s face. The Alliance had been fighting her for years, and she was personally responsible for the incident that caused Adora to miss their date, so the next time Adora fought her, she was pretty much screwed. Years of terrorizing the Fright Zone and one interrupted date gave She-ra all the motivation she needed to take her down.

Chapter 2:

⦁ Melog’s capture was originally the button on this chapter, but I didn’t want them to be captured for that long so I decided to imply the library attack’s purpose earlier

Chapter 3: Overworked

⦁ “Catra can’t tell she’s looking at her cleavage” Well she couldn’t until Adora’s eyes snapped to meet her and then she felt the change. She didn’t know where she was looking but like, come on. She’s so lucky Catra was so tired.

Chapter 4: Movie Night/Return

⦁ The mentions of the kitchen light are a reference. Even if you have good taste you probably won’t draw the connection though lmao.

⦁ Originally, Adora was always supposed to use the window. In fact, in the first draft of chapter one (which ended up almost entirely rewritten), Catra’s backpack got left at the library so Adora had to bring her in through the window and that’s what established the pattern, but then I tried to write that and realized how logistically dumb that was. I still intended for her to switch to using the window pretty quickly, but I was basically just waiting for a good time for them to have the talk about her neighbors possibly seeing and by then I realized that my early idea for roof meetups just made more sense.

Chapter 5: Rooftop

⦁ Initially the fic was supposed to start here. I really wanted to write this fic for The Scene™️ (more on that later) so it kind of made sense to start the fic with Catra already friends with She-ra and then I’d get a chapter or two of these secret meetings and flirting, and then I would get into the kiss. When I went to write the fic, though, I decided I should show the initial rescue in a prologue kind of thing and then do some skipping forward through their friendship. I started writing chapter 2 though and it just kept continuing “in real time” and I absolutely couldn’t skip that angst because it was fun, so I ended up just writing the whole thing and having chapter 5 be more like what I thought 1 & 2 would be initially.

⦁ Catra assumed She-ra was stopping by when she had Alliance business in the area, and that is partially true, but Adora was also swinging by when she could disappear for a few hours without her roommate noticing/questioning it, which was easier said than done.

⦁ There was a line all the way back in chapter one that I cut for being awkwardly phrased, not realizing it was the establishing line for the fact that She-ra has been missing for a few hundred years. It was only when it came up again in chapter five that I noticed, and by then I had already posted almost everything leading up to it and there wasn’t anywhere to put it back in early. This is one of those things were, if this was a book, I would fix that on the second draft but you don’t really get a chance for that with fanfic. I had already posted chapter three by the time I realized so the earliest I could have added it was chapter four, and by then I decided to just wait until chapter five, since the part where that would actually become relevant wouldn’t be for a few chapters anyway, it just should have been set up sooner.

⦁ Adora immediately assumed Catra was talking about her when she mentioned a breakup, but she was also kind of worried she wasn’t and there had been another relationship in the interim that she didn’t know about. The whole conversation was rough for her. She was trying to comfort Catra while subtly encouraging her to think more about what could have actually happened, and she completely meant it when she said Catra deserved better (…than she had treated her).

⦁ While “breakup haircut” isn’t a phrase I’ve heard exactly, the concept of cutting all your hair off when you go through a big change — often a breakup — is definitely one I’ve seen around a lot. There’s entire songs about coming back into an ex’s life as a blonde. I mean, how many of us shaved our heads during the pandemic. Of course there was the added factor of not being able to get a haircut, but trauma haircuts — or hair dyes — are a definite thing.

Chapter 6: Mistake

⦁ As implied in the fic, the spell-storm was a side effect of Shadow Weaver trying to drain Melog’s magic. She couldn’t control it and it manifested physically in the environment.

⦁ Writing this fic was a really interesting challenge because of the unusual dynamic between Catra and She-ra. It was so weird to write Catra falling for someone who wasn’t Adora, but also was; not to mention She-ra backing off at weird times because she thought she might out herself to Catra, etc. Catra was wary of She-ra and she would have been way more so if she wasn’t a) a literal superhero and be) reminded her of Adora. The whole dynamic was really complicated, but it’s part of what made me want to write this in the first place, so even if it was really hard and I had to rewrite a lot, it was a good challenge

⦁ … That was part of what made me want to write this fic. The rest of was The Scene™️, which was the kiss and fall out in chapter 6. Pretty quickly Catra finding Melog and then the smug introduction with the Alliance became the “secondary” Ccenes that I also pushed towards when the rewrites were getting to me.

⦁ I had so many different ideas for how the reveal conversation could go I couldn’t possibly hope to fit them all into one and not have it be like twenty minutes of extended arguing, so after trying a couple variants, I settled on the lines that worked the best.

Chapter 7: Hindsight

⦁ This fic is interesting because, while I never really mention it or make it too explicit, it is partially nonlinear. The scenes with Melog, especially, were never intended to be signposted as taking place right where the other scenes were in the story. Another example is the kiss scene partially playing out twice from each perspective, and the start of chapter 6. Catra’s spiraling lasts well into the night whereas Adora’s following scene with Glimmer takes place earlier, right after Chapter 6 cut off.

⦁ Initially there was supposed to be an extended beat in this chapter where Adora thought she was being quietly kicked out of the Alliance (not completely, but that they were going to stop trusting her with anything other than punching). It didn’t end up fitting with the timeline, so it got dropped to like one line of speculation on her part in the Netossa scene, but the idea was going to be that the team gets called to another emergency like four days later and they don’t invite Adora. Now, that was actually because she was just recovering from being sick and walking around like a zombie, but she thought it was proof they were done with her and thus she went down to the Alliance sanctum to punch it out. A relic of this plan that I ended up keeping is when Adora says “I don’t care. I’m not doing this,” in the scene with Glimmer. The second half of the plot beat was, at the same time as Adora thought she was kicked out, the Alliance thought she might be quitting. They were giving her space both to recover and calm down, but with how badly she broke then, it seemed like she might have decided that she wanted to be done with the thing that had totally ruined her life. No one thought she would actually stay away, but they were giving her room to cool off.

⦁ Speaking of the punch-out scene, that was initially written all the way back in chapter 2. Basically I wrote the very beginning (Netossa tells her to talk and offering her the easy way, ending with the “drop the goddess act” part) with the idea being Adora was angsting over Catra, but pretty quickly I was looking at the set up and going oh this would be so much better later when she’s really angsting so I cut it out from there, tossed it in my Scrivener doc, and then reused the structure of it for this scene.

⦁ April 26th is the day season 2 of SPOP dropped. November 13th is when the show premiered. The other dates are made up bullshit.

Chapter 8: I Like the Idea of You

⦁ Which name Catra is using for Adora (Adora vs. She-ra) is important in this scene. She is considering how she knew them as separate entities and using each name depending on that at first, and then she’s trying to just sink into the She-ra fantasy, and then she starts losing herself. She uses She-ra when Adora is especially confident, flexes her strength/powers, or Catra can’t see her face to contradict it — basically whenever Adora plays into her initial She-ra fantasies — and she uses Adora when she is being soft/gentle/meek, when Catra has an emotional connection to what’s happening, or sometimes just because she’s seeing her face and that’s Adora’s face, not the mask she pictured for She-ra. A weird example of this is the, uh, you know, spit string moment, where Catra is actually having an internal reaction to seeing Adora debauched/debauching her like she used to fantasize about. She’s also looking at Adora’s face again for the first time after looking away. I know there’s a lot of name-changing in this scene, but it all has a purpose, and part of my editing was making sure the right ones were being used for each moment. By the time Catra was really getting into it, though, the scene/Catra were getting away from me and taking control, and thus using Adora for every name, and I had to fix that in a few small places.

⦁ At this point I’m writing things in smut just based off the if I haven’t done it before. I’ve always written a range of stuff , but when writing this I found myself just doing things because they were new without much other reason as long as it still served the purpose I wanted for the scene.

Chapter 9: Ripples

⦁ The glamor is actually lowkey a reference to an earlier version of the fic idea where the Alliance just straight up didn’t wear masks and it was a Superman situation. The idea was there would be a glamor (similar to the Mist in the Percy Jackson series) that would make it really hard to recognize someone for who they are, but could still be fought through. It was one of the contender ideas but I quickly settled on just having them wear masks. The way the glamor actually works in-universe is that it makes it hard to notice similarities. So before meeting She-ra, Catra straight up couldn’t notice “hey, the Alliance is led by a trio that matches the description of Adora and her friends,” but once she saw She-ra’s face she had enough to be like “that’s Adora.” Conversely, if She-ra had been someone she didn’t actually know well like just one of her classmates she didn’t actually talk to, she still might not have been able to recognize her without the mask on. The glamor is not inherent to the runestones, but is a manifestation of their power that has come over the last four hundred years of the princesses living in secret. If a princess chose to be open with her identity, the glamor would ease as the runestone learned it didn’t have to help her hide. Basically, it’s a learned behavior of the runestones, not innate.

⦁ Usually in canon fics I have Adora tend to refer to She-ra as if she’s a third person (because Adora has a lot of issues feeling like she’s not living up to what She-ra should be, or putting She-ra and her duties above herself) and Catra reacts like she finds that weird. The truth is Catra partially does, but she’s also training Adora to recognize she is She-ra, she doesn’t have to do anything more to be worthy of being herself, and she is the only one who gets to decide what She-ra’s duties are. This only really comes up in post-canon fics, where they both have had some Realizations™️. In this fic, Catra starts off trying to distance She-ra from Adora, so she reacts completely opposite to how she usually does and refers to She-ra as a third separate person for herself. Adora does this too, just like she always does. Catra only starts coming around slowly and changes her mind later.

⦁ Micah had his suspicions and he probably would have come even if he had known just because he would have been worried and felt like he could handle himself. The other princesses trying to comfort Angella with that at the time is part of why Angella turned to Castaspella. She also felt like she deserved to know the truth about how her brother died, even though that context really had nothing to do with it. At the end of the day, Micah made the decision.

⦁ When the comms are turned on, they’re constantly broadcasting to each other, but the microphones are set to be partially muted so they (hopefully) mainly just pick up the person who is wearing them talking. When the button is pressed, it turns up sensitivity and also bumps the broadcaster’s volume up so their orders can come through clearly. Catra could just barely be heard over the comms, but of course Adora caught something, and then she saw Entrapta when Bow fired his arrow, who she recognized in conjunction with Catra’s voice (her hair is kind of distinctive). She asked Bow “What’s going on? Is Catra here?” and that’s when he said not now. After the robots were dispatched, she immediately landed beside him and gave him her Firm Commander look and he explained the brief interaction. Once the scene was completely cleared and they had teleported back to the sanctum, Adora agonized over Catra before ultimately deciding to text her. If Catra hadn’t responded, she would have had Glimmer bring her over to her apartment (which Glimmer would have done with minimal complaint, because there was a real chance Catra had gotten injured trying to leave the scene) but Catra texted back fairly quickly. She didn’t respond to Adora’s second message, which she would have liked just to know what was really going on, but she took what she could get.

⦁ Guesses for who Melog actually was were really interesting. I thought that either people were going to be onto me immediately due to the pronouns or be completely unsure due to assuming I was using they/them pronouns to obfuscate it. I saw a mix, though I don’t think anyone really guessed Melog by name in the first chapter. For the first couple chapters, guesses seemed evenly split between Melog and being unsure. Other guesses were DT, Shadow Weaver/shadow spies, Micah, and the First Ones worm (or maybe elemental?) from Glimmer’s coronation trial. Sorry to everyone’s Melog comments I ignored, but I wanted to maintain the mystery.

⦁ On a similar note of future guesses, no one commented a correct guess on Catra finding out the exact way that she did. There were some interesting theories that I enjoyed, and a few more along the lines of how she would potentially join the Alliance that were exciting to see so early on.

⦁ Catra started to say “Good boy” and then realized that was wrong for several reasons and probably demeaning, so she just pivoted.

⦁ Catra finding Melog under the dumpster was the second Scene™️ for this fic. It was one of the first things I outlined for it. Actually it might have been the first because I never wrote out an outline for the kiss scene, I just pictured it in my head a dozen times starting back when I was still writing AMLAIT. The Melog scene was, in the very initial idea, taking place after a chance attack Catra happened to get caught up in, but as soon as I started writing the fic and used that plot device in the opening I didn’t want to use it again, so the Entrapta thing formed because I already had the technopath subplot set up for later. Very little changed about the scene except how Catra got there and a little dialog tweaking, but originally Catra was supposed to hide Melog in a backpack she was carrying. I didn’t want to write one into the brief “chase scene”, so I gave her a gay flannel instead and had her wrap up them in that.

Chapter 10: Cause and Effect

⦁ Normally I uppercase krytian, but for this fic it was a species name like “human” so I (un)capitalized it as such.

⦁ Melog doesn’t know a lot about krytians due to a mix of their age when they were orphaned and the language gap. Melog’s parent never said to them “We are krytians, we were victims of a genocide by a human religious sect” they said “We are us, but others are dangerous. They hunted us, and now we must live in secret.” Krytians think of themselves as we and everyone else as them. They don’t have pronouns because they are I, you, or us. It’s combination of their culture and their communication method that makes it that way. Melog had no idea what the world would know them as until Catra told them. Shadow Weaver called them it a few times, but again, Melog didn’t know what that meant. It wasn’t until Catra found them and helped with their memories that they understood their jailer was named Shadow Weaver.

⦁ Okay this is something I had to cut from Chapter 10 because the whole thing it was included in dragged on, but I’m really SAD I had to cut it because it is, well, sad, so here it is, to hurt you with for posterity: “Krytians forms are so reliant on magic, they don’t even leave bodies behind when they die. They dissipate back into the area when they die. When Melog lost their parent, their tombstone was a slowly fading well of power. Melog was the only one to ever know that they lived or died.”

⦁ For this fic, I considered having Shadow Weaver just be a supervillain and Catradora grew up in some Anonymously Rough group home together to set up the right experience for their current insecurities and mental issues — I even went back and forth on some edits early on to leave more possibilities open — but once I had the whole Melog plot getting Catra into the Alliance, it only made sense for her to have someone to fight with them, and setting up Shadow Weaver as a ghost from their past worked perfectly for that. Plus, I couldn’t resist the “I was raised by a supervillain” line.

⦁ A big part of Catra’s struggle with Adora in this fic, after she finds out the truth about what happened, is neglect. She knows that Adora didn’t drop her and she had reason to be busy, but it was still a pretty shitty way to treat someone even before you get to the ‘lying about it’ part. Catra (as she later demonstrates) is capable of understanding and even sharing Adora’s commitment, but it wouldn’t be fair for Adora to continue to put absolutely everything first aside from Catra, and the fear that she would do that again was a big thing keeping Catra away. Adora loves her and she makes that rather clear, assuaging one of Catra’s fears, but loving someone and actually treating them well — especially the way they consider treating them well — are two different things. I brush up on this a lot in my Catradora fics (BFM comes to mind) but I feel like it’s especially important for this one.

Chapter 11: Peace Talks

⦁ The Swift Wind thing came from a comment exchange on Chapter 4 where I said that I wasn’t planning on it, but the way I would work Swift Wind in would be for Adora to “deputize” a police horse in battle and for him to then work on freeing all the animals used by the police. It would kind of be a random thing to include in the fic, but I really liked the idea, so it was kind of in the back of my mind and I formed the idea of it being a story the Alliance tells rather than a scene on its own. I was really happy to be able to work it in. I think sometimes I go “that’s a distraction/irrelevant to the fic” but like… it’s fic. “Regular” media can have one off jokes and this is fic where I can do whatever I want so communist horse it is.

⦁ As is… just expected at this point for my fics, half of the contents of chapter 11 were supposed to also be covered in chapter 10, but that thing hit 8k before they even explained anything, so it had to be broken up.

⦁ Chapter 11 is basically the end of my main planning for the fic. After that point, it was all new stuff I came up with to serve the ending of the story that had been written so far. My big outline point for everything after chapter eleven was basically just “take down the horde. Be superheroes. Kiss & make up.”

Chapter 12: Movie Night?

⦁ Given that I just said 11 was the end of my planning, it feels weird to say “12 wasn’t supposed to exist,” but it really wasn’t. My planning by then was for the story to shift into Catra and Adora cautiously taking up texting while she set Entrapta on the Horde’s scent — basically, Chapter 13. The first scene of Chapter 12 started as an ending button scene for Chapter 11, but then I got the idea for the movie night (which actually originated back in Chapter 10, where the initial draft of the chapter included them explicitly planning the horse movie thing) and — more temptingly — the secret kisses during it, so then I had to write it. The scene with Glimmer was also unplanned (when I first tried to write it, the idea was that Catra actually stayed the night because it was “too late” to go all the way back home, but then the gap between the movie and the morning was too big for conversations to not have taken place), but showing Catra open up a little to more members of the Alliance was important for when she joined them later, so I wrote it.

⦁ Catra says the new place “wouldn’t work with Melog” for two reasons: 1) it was another studio, and she needed more options for privacy, especially with Adora around, and 2) it didn’t allow pets. Now, she had no intention of paying the pet fee or ever revealing Melog’s existence, but if a neighbor was to hear Melog meowing or pawing at the door, they would just assume Catra had a cat and had paid for it, instead of possibly snitching about her sneaking one in.

⦁ “Princess isn’t a thing for her” *proceeds to immediately outline why it’s a thing for her when Catra says that*

⦁ Obviously Catra was worried about She-ra finding out Entrapta was a technopath before because her entire apartment looks suspicious as hell, but knowing it’s Adora, she knows she’ll listen to her if she says Entrapta isn’t with the Horde. Otherwise, there’s a very real chance of somebody thinking she’s the one building their bots.

⦁ If you’re capable of not crying during the train scene in Spirit then you’re heartless.

Chapter 13:

⦁ The line “[Trust] can be lost in [a year], too” is in reference to Catra and Adora, not the Alliance.

Chapter 14:

⦁ Glimmer stalled telling her mom because she wanted school to be busy so Angella couldn’t say or do much because it would distract me from finals, mom.

⦁ Shadow Weaver ran the home for every reason Catra listed and more. Maintaining a secret identity (as long as absences didn’t become conspicuous) helped her fly under the radar. It also made her not entirely reliant on the Horde (she didn’t trust Hordak, though if anything he shouldn’t have trusted her). When the kids hit their late teen years and were about to age out into the world, she knew exactly who, when, and where to target them (as Shadow Weaver, or via proxy with another member of the Horde) for a recruitment pitch. She was especially looking for magic children who might have a future in the Horde — or who might be capable of becoming princesses and inheriting/fixing her runestone, or using another one if they ever managed to track down She-ra and Spirit Ember (both runestones clearly lost, but Shadow Weaver didn’t know if that was permanent or a situation like how she acquired the Black Garnet and thus she hoped to find more). She saw that opportunity in Adora, which is a reason why she targeted her and Catra in particular. Finally, Catra is kind of right that she did it for her own “enjoyment”, but it was in a very different way — at least to her. Shadow Weaver legitimately saw herself as helping the kids who crossed her doorstep and thought the world needed her and people like her to prepare these poor, unloved, unruly children for the future. She thought she was a hero and any sliver of remorse she had for the Horde’s more extreme actions she could dismiss with “well look what good I’m doing with this home, it balances out.”

⦁ “It’s a nice dream” Yeah Horde Prime’s line like that still fucks me up and I had to slip it in.

⦁ There’s a dampening spell centered on the door so other people in the archive don’t hear it opening and closing (all the secret tomfoolery would be pretty ruined if people heard a bookshelf being dragged around in the next room all the time) but it also lets me surprise Catra, which is a rare opportunity.

⦁ The alarm at the computer goes off at the same time as a mid-level priority message to all their phones so someone will check the news/hub to see if it’s something they need to deal with, but since they were in the room with the alarm, no one heard/cared about their phones buzzing.

⦁ Melog’s ability to warp the world around them as they travel the paths is inspired by Little Nightmares 2 and that’s all I’ll say on that because it’s not a game that should be spoiled. I thought it fit well with their illusion magic, though. I think the official power is called something like object distance manipulation but relativity manipulation sounded like a better fit to me.

⦁ I was kinda surprised people asked about Netossa and Spinnerella’s codenames (which is a fair question) but no one asked for Bow since they’re all in the same spot as not having a runestone in canon. For Bow, I came up with the Cupid thing Catra mentions early on in the fic as a joke, and while I do think it’s a plausible thing for Bow to consider given his very “I love love” attitude, I don’t think he would actually pick it and it felt a little diminutive. Apollo was a late contender thank to the historical connection with his dads and his association with archery, but I thought about other bow/arrow symbolism and remembered one of the Zodiac had a bow and arrow and thus went with Sagittarius once I realized it was Glimmer’s zodiac. This meant I had to spell Sagittarius. So I fucked up there. For Spinnerella, I never ended up saying it in the fic so I kind of got away lucky, but her runestone is an amethyst. I had been calling her just “Cyclone” in my head, which of course didn’t match with a runestone so I had to add some kind of gem/mineral thing in there, but there’s a big range from the simple “Moonstone” to the slightly more descriptive “Sea Pearl” to “Fractal Flake” which is… nothing. I tried for a while to make some kind of alliteration with “Cyclone,” but there aren’t a lot of gems that fit that, so in the end I went with just Amethyst despite being a little unimaginative because I couldn’t come up with anything that wasn’t cumbersome to shout in battle. I really tried to work some kind of “Air Amethyst” type alliteration in there but it just didn’t happen. For Netossa, I thought about making her sapphire early on because blue, but that’s a Steven Universe character so I wanted to either find something else or add a modifier onto it. Coming up with modifiers related to nets is… hard. Star Sapphire and Cerulean Sapphire (bit of an oxymoron, but it felt like it fit with the naming conventions lol) were in contention. It was just hard to relate anything to nets of all things so I followed the simple route a la Moonstone and just went with Star Sapphire (the star pattern of which could represent the intersections of the ropes in her nets? Maybe? Listen that’s the best I’ve got). For Catra things were… more complex. Catra very well could have picked anything she wanted, similar to Bow, which made it a lot harder. I considered Wildcat immediately (especially with Scorpia suggesting it later and then Catra ends up stuck with it after the others pick up on it) but I didn’t want a name that reveals she’s a magicat, so I tested out a lot of things until I just settled on Ghost for the invisibility. Tiger’s Eye was my other immediate instinct for the runestone theme, because, well, obviously, but while that felt exactly like what SPOP would call the magicat runestone, I wasn’t naming “Catra’s runestone,” I was coming up with a superhero name for Catra while runestones also exist. Her name only had to match as much as she wanted it too, and it didn’t feel like she would want that. As soon as I decided on Ghost I looked up to see if there were any “Ghost something” crystals, which is when I found Phantom quartz and added it into the conversation. When I was looking at gems/minerals/elements for inspo, I saw Mercury and I thought that fit really well with Melog’s shifting powers, and as something related both to geology (okay, listen, it’s an element and that’s close enough) and astrology. Other contenders were things like Silver, Bismuth, and a red theme for/with Catra (I literally looked up a list of red shade names. Naming things is hard). Then I had to come up with joke names that were still something the character might come up with (for themselves and others), so I just made things worse for myself. I got to acknowledge that initial Tiger’s Eye instinct though, so that was good to fit in.

Chapter 15:

⦁ Sideloading an app is basically downloading it on your phone without using the system’s app store.

⦁ After Perfuma suggested Phantom, I thought “you know what, that sounds cool” so I went back and forth on using that instead, but there’s no way Catra would pick it knowing the context, so I played with it a bit more in the scene where they decide her official codename — as well as giving her perspective on that bit, and introducing the beginning of Netossa kind of being Catra’s superhero mentor, which is a relationship that develops after the fic ends — but ultimately let Catra decide. It also let me introduce how the system was coded around their aliases, keeping Entrapta from instantly realizing their identities when she hacked them, though it’s obvious once you start sifting through the general channel and see them talking.

⦁ Bow lives with his dads still since they’re close enough to campus for it and that way he doesn’t really need a job on top of school and (secret) heroing. That means he spends a lot of time in Glimmer’s dorm, though, because it’s the only private place he has to go on campus. He can go to George’s office, too, but students come and go from that so it’s not really any better than a student lounge.

⦁ Adora’s voice is strained after saying she loves Catra because she’s convincing herself that Catra just isn’t ready to say it back yet. She’s in total denial that hearing it is important to her.

⦁ Kadroh is, of course, Wrong Hordak, and the guy who runs the front counter.

⦁ Entrapta was basically shouting for the entire conversation with Scorpia, but since Scorpia also tends to talk loudly, she didn’t really notice it.

⦁ The scene with Scorpia is actually the first I conceived for the fic from a different perspective, which would eventually influence my decision to switch perspective around however I saw fit.

Chapter 16:

⦁ Adora mentions her academics a lot in this fic because I was playing with the idea of her dropping out and just becoming a vet tech to reduce her stress and wanted to leave that option open, but she was so close it didn’t end up feeling right, especially after the Horde became less of a threat with their scrambling following the arrest.

⦁ Someone on crew (pretty sure it was ND) joked that Catra’s “real name” was Elizabeth, so I pulled that as the bullshit name Scorpia said. I went back and forth on her actually saying Catra’s name in hopes of being able to tell if the Horde recognized it (and thus had at least seen her) but that would have been a whole thing to Shadow Weaver as soon as she heard it and there was too much going on in the scene already to throw that in. Plus, it risked endangering Catra’s secret identity even more than Scorpia’s mere presence already did.

⦁ Okay, so obviously my instinct when giving Scorpia an alias was to use… her fucking alias, lmao, but Linda is her mom and D’Ream is her last name already, so Lynda wasn’t going to work. Lynda D’Ream was originally a reference to Scorpia’s voice actress in the 80s (Linda Gary), so I used her SPOP voice actress’s name, Lauren Ash, and threw a fucking y in there because that’s how they did it lmao

⦁ Every runestone calls out a little differently to its holder (in the circumstance where it’s not immediately passed to them). Adora saw lights in the edge of her vision, just ephemeral enough to now be there, that led her towards the stone and then it pulled her in with a mental call. Scorpia couldn’t feel the mental call with the stone cracked, but it sparked to beckon her.

⦁ Scorpia’s mask looking kind of like Shadow Weaver’s was temporary. I don’t know if I ever squeezed the joke in because I’ve been writing this fic for like two months and have forgotten, but the first time Adora transformed, it was into her season one outfit. Both she and the runestone kind of freaked out and it was only on subsequent transformations, when she knew what was happening and could exercise some control over it, that the season five/current She-ra costume appeared. Scorpia is in a similar situation where her mask will eventually take a vaguely scorpion-like theme, with the hooks down her cheeks mimicking stingers and similar ones hooking up her forehead and back over her ears.

⦁ Scorpia didn’t notice any of Catra’s attempts to touch her. Catra kept them light because she was worried about startling Scorpia and giving away their best shot at getting out of this, but that just made them easier for Scorpia to miss them.

⦁ Melog was reliving some trauma and hiding out under the table made them feel better, so when Catra was okay they were busy taking care of themselves by hiding to recuperate.

Chapter 17:

⦁ Shadow Weaver genuinely isn’t entirely certain what happened that day. She remembers Lauryn showing up, but details are fuzzy. When Black Garnet debuts, she remembers that Lauryn was the new Black Garnet since it was Kind Of A Big Deal to her, but she doesn’t remember many details about what she looks like that aren’t already public, and she doesn’t remember her transforming because it all happened so fast and then she was electrocuted and unconscious. That electrocution caused her some issues beyond her memories of that day, and between that and having no magic herself, she isn’t much of a threat when it comes to breaking out of jail or something. With the overwhelming evidence of her involvement in the Horde and no evidence she was blackmailed as she claimed, she goes away for a long time. Everybody arrested turns on Hordak trying to get a plea deal, and between the testimony and physical evidence he was the only one who could have built the robots, he gets convicted of a lot of things, especially as an accessory because that’s easier to prove.

⦁ The rooftop scene was actually initially planned to go earlier in the fic, before the big confrontation, but even though I had been planting the seeds for it, I wanted a bit more hinting and I felt like Catra running off on her own would make Adora worry even more about it, so I pushed it back.

⦁ I ended up using gender neutral pronouns for Horde members a couple times because they often wear helmets or masks that make it hard, but sometimes I chose to use gendered pronouns because I tend to default to they-them pronouns and a nebulous appearance for rando NPCs and I didn’t want it to seem like I was doing that rather than it being a part of the plot that they were disguised and ambiguous. And of course physical appearance isn’t always and indicator of pronouns etc (it certainly isn’t for me lol) but it is usually the assumed default without indicators otherwise. Also sometimes it was just easier to have a random NPC gendered, which is why I had rando Horde members be male a couple times because it just made it easier to distinguish who was who during the fight scenes LOL.

⦁ The “I’ll stroke your ego if it shuts you up” “Wow that didn’t take much convincing” exchange was in my notes before I even started writing the fic. I didn’t have a place for it planned and it only ended up coming up here at the end, but I’m glad I got to use it finally.

Misc Fic Thoughts:

⦁ I’d written a little here and there, but I really got my fanfiction start (both reading and writing) in the comics fandom. I never had a superhero AU “planned” but it always felt like an inevitable thing I would do one day when an idea occurred to me. Superheros befriending(/rescuing/romancing) people they know in their real lives but who don’t know about their secret identity is something I’m a SUCKER for, so when that idea occurred to me in early March it was like of course. I absolutely have to do this right away. I had another thing I was excited for but this jumped the line as soon as AMLAIT was done. I was actually writing this simultaneously with editing that ending.

⦁ I’ve referenced the playlist a couple times and it’s linked below, but I wanna actually talk about it for a second. If you weren’t around for it, 8tracks was a website that was basically the Tumblr version of spotify playlists. It wasn’t affiliated with Tumblr or anything, there were just a lot of Tumblr people populating it and it had a tagging system, so you could hunt down all the playlists associated with your fandom. There were some licensing/copyright issues, and they had a profitability problem anyway, I think, so after a few years it closed down and no website has ever been able to capture the kind of playlists 8tracks hosted and the quality there. With it gone, I can’t go back and find the playlist that this AU is named after. However, it was a Young Avengers playlist (it was called something like “superzeroes — a young avengers fanmix”) that I still vividly remember the cover art for. I believe it was around 11 songs long (a pretty normal length for an 8tracks playlist), and the only two songs I’m pretty sure were on it were Superlove by Charlie XCX and Kick Ass by Mika. I think there might have been a song by FUN on the playlist too? But that — like both of the other songs, really — could have come from one of my other comics-related playlists too. I did my DAMNEDEST to find a tumblr post linking to this playlist again (and in doing so, dug up some nostalgia holy shit) but in the end turned up nothing. Shockingly for how long I’ve gone on about it, I wasn’t particularly attached to this playlist. I mean, I listened to it, but it just came up as a memory when I first got the idea to do a superhero AU, so when I created a file for it I named it “Superzero AU” just intending for it to be a play on superhero, and then that Became the AU’s name in my head and I couldn’t change it after this. I need to stop doing that to myself. The name does, however, have meaning, which is kind of two-fold. First, superzero is an insult aimed at Adora. I considered having Catra say it to her face when they were fighting, showing that she can try to be a superhero to everyone else but she is still a failure, because she failed Catra (they didn’t end up fighting a lot so that didn’t make it into the fic, but the idea of superzero being a term Catra snidely thinks about Adora when they were fighting is still there). Second, Catra is the superzero, specifically a superhero with zero powers. She’s using Melog’s, yes, but she has none of her own and yet she eventually joins the Alliance in throwing herself into danger.

⦁ POV for this fic is interesting because when I was originally coming up with the concept, most of the scenes where from Catra’s perspective, but I knew I wanted the kiss scene specifically to be from Adora’s perspective. I also knew, by the time I started writing it in earnest, that this was going to a long fic so sticking to one POV was going to be impractical. I then thought about switching POV by chapter and just having the Catra chapters be longer, but there were too many scenes I wanted both their takes on. I then considered something weird which was alternating Catra POV chapters with my usual back-and-forth POV chapters, but by then I knew I wanted a scene from Melog’s perspective and maybe even one from Scorpia’s, so I decided f**k it, free POV whenever and wherever I want. This is the first time I’ve really used a POV like this in a long fic, though I did it here and there in one-shots like the soulmarks AU and ‘dawn after the long dark’ in OotW.

⦁ I had fun with this fic, but it was also Struggle Bus to write (for various reasons, from plot-related, to meta, to my own indecision, to life). All my fics (at least long ones, and it can still happen in one-shots) include rewrites somewhere, but I feel like it’s something invisible to both readers and other writers. You only see the final result, not the six tries + editing it took to get there, but this one took a lot of rewriting. I think the final result is fun though so I’m really happy with it.

Original Outline:

The original idea for this fic was very brief. She-ra would have already saved Catra in the past and they were in the weird friendship phase, there was some will-they-won’t-they and attempted friendship tension, then the kiss and the reveal, then the booty call which would start turning Catra around and they would repair their relationship from there.

Then I thought “hey this is a magical realism au, I could have Melog in here” and immediately had the idea for the scene where Catra found Melog. Everything spiraled from there. Below is the entire outline for the fic by the time I finished drafting the first chapter (during which I had ideas about Shadow Weaver’s place in this AU and such).

- meet - friendship (adora learns theres a chance of rebuilding next semester) - return (health insurance, kiss it better) - “just checking in again” (law student) - rooftop - kiss/fall out - booty call - in limbo, find melog - bring melog to BMU - priorities conversation - some fight with the horde, taking down shadow weaver

In the end, the fic followed the outline, though not always the way I thought, mostly at the end where it was more ambiguous. I don't have much to say about it (beyond what I said in earlier notes) since it mostly turned out how I planned, but I thought sharing what one of my overarching outlines looks like might be fun.

Meta:

Superzero playlist

Upcoming:

Okay so I have like, four fics I’m weighing at the moment and I’m not sure with one is going to win, so it’s hard to say which will be upcoming. If I had to guess, though? City of Angels.

#superzero #ficmeta #fic notes #i can finally read those superhero au fics i drafted ages ago because i knew i would want to write my own eventually lmao #if i know im doing an au i avoid reading others of that au to avoid being influenced or whatever #also ive been low spoons for a while and lost control of replying to comments but i will try to catch up on the last week or two if i can #ive just been prioritizing actually writing over that

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hearts4juzi · 4 months

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do you have any ideas in mind for how swap!evans scrap baby design would look, assuming its different from regular scrap baby? (since yk, its implied(?) they rebuilt themself after getting kicked out of ennard)

oh and how did/do evan and circus baby interact/feel about each other?

-cross

I DREW THIS ASK TODAY AND CANNOT SHARE THE ART BC ITS. ON PAPER. AND I DONT HAVE MY PHONE

But i thought id answer anyways, ill rb with a doodle if i can manage one (maybe in my animation class?)

first of all, he'd not be half as smashed up as liz was. he wanted to be cute and whatever, and his goal is. not killing ppl lmao.

so he goes back and gets a discarded unused circus baby faceplate from the bunker. its old and the faceplates dont move well at all (rusty and stuck together, mostly) but its not horrible. its also cracked a bit but. what can you do?

instead of wires and whatever i think hed want something softer to use for hair so i gave him some sort of fucked up string. its thick and fluffy but falling appart :( poor dude he also got other discarded animatronic concepts that william and henry kept in case they wanted to use them elsewhere. evan still has the claw on one hand but the other is an unnecessarily large paw (he cant exactly remember why at this point, but he loves bears so the paw caught his eye)

his outfit is just cloathes he found in the garbage and therefore doesnt fit well. and his torso is just the usual circus baby torso if not a bit fucked up by all the time itd been left in the bunker. its also cracked and rusty similar to his mask

his feet r just whatever he could find, but those wont even be seen a lot bc hes in the vents so who cares

the big paw is also one of the same as what molten freddy dug up to replace the rubber hose esque hands ennard had (not REALLY rubber hose but meant to look the part yk?)

as for evs relationship w cbby, its complicated. he initially wants nothing to do with the animatronic or possessing it, but when he sees liz he suddenly wants to seize control (hence bouncing between circus baby and evan)

at that time, there was still a pretty clear line between evan and cbby, bc of how hed avoided her n shit in a way bc he cant. he cant leave her lmao but he just didnt try to BE her. still while SL takes place the line does blur between him and cbby.

post scoop he finds mike and tells him about elizabeth and for a while michael keeps him seperate from the other animatronics bc yk, having someone he KNEW was his sibling and who KNEW his identity helped him and michael is the most conscious of everyone. and so he once again was aware of who he was but when michael and the funtimes both dumped him they reallty merged and it became unclear who was who (which lead to his memories getting fucked wehn he was rebuilding himself) and just overall hes weird and Not Evan Anymore. especially because evan being rejected by michael compared to circus baby being abandoned by william and the funtimes and that pain of being thrown to the curb causing anger in both that ended with them having such similar ideas and feelings that they might as well be the same entity

as far as interactions go, they really didnt interact much for a VERY long time and when they did it was quick and uncomfortable. but when evan tried to wrestle control back its started a weird silent relationshi

Circus baby did not want to get rid of him, she didnt entirely know what he was ("I still hear her sometimes" yk?) other than shed killed him and sometimes shed say things she didnt think.

evan didnt like how everything was going with elizabeth, so he wanted to subtly steer her elsewhere. however, between his own bitterness at her leaving him alone and inadvertently causing his death, and circus baby and him becoming one, he eventually began leading her to the scooper.

and evan is a lot more convincing than circus baby was.

its not until he's set free that evan is actually evan again

#tzu asks #tzu rambles #swap au #evan afton #circus baby #THIS ASK HAS BEEN HERE FOR TOO LONG!!!!!#I NEED TO ANSWER IT!!!!!!!!!!#also yeah mike fucks evan over in every universe #<33

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streamingcolors-gvf · 1 year

Text

Boys of Summer - Part VII

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x f!reader, Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Summary: It’s the summer of 1986 and you find yourself starting your first job on your own. You were drawn to the beaches of Ocean City in search of a new start, expecting to fill the days of enjoying whatever the coastal town had to offer. You find yourself thrown into a world you couldn’t have anticipated and the memories made were sure to last a lifetime.

Word count: 7.9k

A/N: Thanks to all my lovely babies for sticking with me through this project. I love you all and I hope you enjoy this update ❤️

Shoutout to @allieboop for all her wonderful ideas, love, and support, and @jakekiszkasleftnutsack for her input

Warnings: cursing, LOTS of angst, toxic behavior, twin jealousy, alluding to sex, mentions of alcohol and drug use, marijuana.

Boys of Summer playlist

“Go ahead,” you announced after swallowing a bite of your food.

“What?” Cindy looked at you with confusion drawing over her features.

“Tell me ‘I told you so’,” you let out a throaty laugh through your confession as you chewed another bite of your waffle, “I know you want to.”

“Well, In that case, I told you so,” Cindy chimed in her snarkiest tone, but the way her smile spread over her teeth proved otherwise. She continued, “See what I mean though? Once you get past the fact that it totally feels like an old folks home here, you will find out that it is the best spot in town.”

She wasn’t wrong, and she sure wasn’t wrong about the fact you would initially turn your nose up at the establishment. You questioned it the moment you stepped into the place.

For a weekday morning, the compact diner was still bustling with locals and tourists passing through. Your roommate suggested getting out of the house to spend some time together so you could do some catching up, and insisted on coming here because they had the ‘best breakfast in town’. Looking around, you agreed that the outdated interior seemed more akin to a Floridian retirement community than a prime location on the beach front with the amount of tacky beach signs, nautical knick-knacks and vibrant, plastic pink flamingo decorations adorning the walls.

“I apologize for ever doubting you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

You both ate for a few minutes in silence, taking in the strong aroma of freshly brewed black coffee each time a waitress passed the booth with pitcher in hand. It mixed in with clouds of smoke drifting from the butted out cigarette from the table behind you.

“So it looks that you and Josh are on good terms again,” Cindy mumbled around a mouthful of pancake while fighting the grin tugging at the corner of her mouth, but her eyes were still focused on her plate.

You stayed quiet for a second, watching her as she cut into the food with the side of her fork. It was a surprise that Josh hadn’t been a topic of conversation yet, but you could tell she was champing at the bit to bring him up given the opportunity. After clearing your throat, you asked, “What makes you say that?”

A knowing smirk pulled at her fuschia painted lips before she snorted, “Well, for one - the dozens of messages I’ve had to take for you the last couple days…” She lifted her fork from her plate to point and wave directly at you, “And not to mention that I saw you two kissing by your car last night.”

Josh wasn’t a secret by any means, you just haven’t had the chance to process everything that has happened within the last few days. All of that, with her seeing you with Josh made you feel like a teenager that had been caught in a bad lie.

You bit at your bottom lip before letting out a defeated sigh, “Oh.”

Cindy giggled as she wiped the syrup from her mouth with one of the paper napkins from the dispenser, careful enough to not smudge her bright lipstick. Without skipping a beat, she prodded, “So what’s going on with him? Are you two like a thing now?”

A thing.

The idea of it made your heart skip, and you started to shift anxiously across the cracked, mauve-colored vinyl of the diner booth. Pushing around a cold bit of scrambled eggs across your plate with the tines of your fork, you asked, “I think so? We haven’t really talked about it yet. It’s still so new with him.”

She hummed to herself before taking a large sip from her glass of orange juice. Her eyes finally flicked up to meet yours as she swallowed, revealing a slightly judgemental expression, “But what about Jake?”

Since the night of the party, Josh had been successful at keeping the thoughts about Jake out of your mind - at least while you were with him. They never disappeared entirely and with the mention of his name, your chest began to constrict with that uneasy feeling. You were cautious moving along this conversation, “What about him?”

“Ohh…you know…” Cindy started, but then trailed off with her eyes breaking from you when she became unsure of how to approach the topic. “-Nevermind.”

That response only made you more uneasy. You didn’t want to drop it either, so you insisted, “No, tell me. What?”

She paused, and it was apparent to you that she was thinking over trying to choose her next words, “It’s just that…”

You pressed again, not letting her wriggle herself out of this one.“Come on, spit it out.”

She tried to hide the smirk that was trying to show through, “Uhm.. I might have heard from someone that you were sucking face with Jake at the party.”

That stole the words straight from your mouth.

You go silent and your eyes drop to your lap as you slink against the back of the booth. Cindy stared at you questioningly, taking your lack of an answer as a confession, and instantly squealed out in disbelief, “No way!”

By now you were sure that your face had taken on the hue of a vine-ripened tomato. Searching through the catalog of broken memories from that night, you only came up empty handed without an explanation. You swallowed, hoping to push down the lump that was forming in the back of your throat, “Who told you that?”

She huffed, “Does it matter?”

The question caused you to throw your arms up in frustration, “Jesus. How small is this town?!”

With a raised brow paired and a quipped laugh, she offered, “Do you really want to know the answer to that?”

You groaned while shaking your head knowing that it was probably better for you not to find out the details, and the fact it truly didn’t matter how she found out. Not only did you have to come to terms that it happened, you had to accept that others knew and that the knowledge was being passed around as the newest, hot piece of gossip.

“So is it true?” She kept her voice right at a hushed whisper.

“I don’t know, Cindy!” The volume of your sudden outburst was loud enough to garner the unwanted attention from other restaurant patrons. You offered a mouthed apology to those giving you a disgruntled look and once they turned back in their seats, you continued in a quieter voice, “I was so wasted that night, everything is such a blur.”

The state of your drunkenness that night had been plaguing your mind with embarrassment , and you threw your face into your hands while releasing a frustrated sigh.

“So you don’t even remember kissing Jake?” She cackled, but tried to catch the sound in her hand, hoping no one had heard. It still escaped, making you wince when another elderly couple turned around in their booths in the direction of the disruption. She muttered her own apology to them before turning back to face you. Despite her best efforts, she bursted into giggles as she took a bite of bacon, “Why am I not surprised?”

You didn’t feel the same amount of amusement towards your predicament as she clearly was, “Cindy, please.”

After hearing the seriousness in your voice, she controlled her laughter to collect herself, “Have you talked to them about it?”

“And say what? That I like both of them? At least I think I do. Shit. I like Josh so much. It’s hard to describe. Everything is just so easy and safe with him. He is so carefree and he makes me feel good. That warm fuzzy feeling that people always talk about, y’know?” You don’t wait for an answer, continuing after taking a deep, although shaky breath, picking at one of the peeling cracks of vinyl on your seat, “Then…there’s Jake. Hell, I can’t even put my finger on what it is. Is it the unknown? Is it that dark, mysterious bad boy thing that he has going on? God, That sounds so stupid. I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. What am I even supposed to say, huh? That I made out with one of them and then I slept with the other the next day? Who does something like that?”

Cindy just stared at you, wide-eyed and speechless. What she didn’t expect was that response from you. ”Whoa..”

“What am I gonna do?!” The exasperation was pouring from you like an unattended faucet. You’ve bottled it up, shoved it down and closed it all off until this point. You were stuck, yet still teetering on the tight-rope of denial. You were drawn to Jake, but you weren’t willing to give up whatever you had with Josh to pursue it. Now you were just left with the guilt from admitting that to yourself, and to Cindy.

She lifted her hands defensively as if she was trying to calm down a frightened, wild animal, “Okay, okay. Take a chill pill. Let’s think here…so you slept with Josh?”

“Not now!” You hissed, throwing your hands onto the table, resulting in an aggressive thud that rattled the dishes.

“Geez, alright.” She followed up with a pointed look to emphasize her next thought, “We are not dropping that though.”

You can’t hold back the heavy roll of your eyes, “I think that’s hardly the important thing here.”

She chuckled under her breath, “Oh, it’s important.” You understand that she wanted to bond over the experience, but this wasn’t the time nor the place. Instead, you shot her an annoyed look that made her correct herself, “You’re right. I’m sorry. So ask yourself, if you picture yourself with someone, who do you see?”

“I think it’s Josh.” You were shocked at how easily the answer tumbled out of your mouth before you could give yourself a chance to think it over.

“There you go. Besides, it was one simple kiss with Jake. A little smooch practically.” If what she wasn’t saying wasn’t enough to give away how she felt about the twin, the look on her face did, “And shit, I’m sure Jake has kissed a couple girls since then.”

The thought should have calmed your nerves, but the conflicting feelings you had for him were worse than before. You cursed at yourself for being jealous about him kissing someone else. If anything, it should have been a relief like Cindy implied. So why did it make you ache to think about it?

“Oh great. Thanks for that.”

“What?! All I’m saying is it's no big deal. The man can get over it.”

But could you?

“Do you think Josh knows?” If he did know, he certainly didn’t show it over the last few days spent with you. It worried you as you thought of how it could potentially ruin what you had with him.

“No duh!” She blurted, but when your face dropped, she scrambled to explain herself. “Uh…I’m sure he has because word travels fucking fast around here. But if he hasn’t brought it up already I probably wouldn’t worry about it.”

A part of you knew she was right about that. Josh finding out about it was simply out of your control, and you were convinced it would do more damage than good if you were to try to hide it from him. “I can’t tell if that’s good advice or bad.”

Cindy shrugged and gave a friendly wave to the waitress to signal for the check. “I guess you’ll just have to find out.”

A new batch of nerves were beginning to unravel with the realization you were planning on seeing him after this outing with your rooommate.You reached for your purse that was tucked in the corner of the booth, “That’s what I’m afraid of, Cindy.”

“So…what is Josh like in bed?”

—————-

You arrived at the twin’s place around noon after departing from your breakfast date with Cindy. It’s the first time you’ve been back since the morning after the party. The conversation with your roommate and being here at their doorstep only resurfaced those residual feelings. You shoved them to the back of your mind, adamant to keep them from spoiling your afternoon plans with Josh.

You rap your knuckles softly on the screen door to let him know you’re here. The two of you agreed the night before that you’d meet him around lunch time, so you fully expect his head to pop around the corner any second.

But it doesn’t.

You’re startled when it’s Jake shoving the screen door open with a dramatic push, causing you to stumble backwards on your heels. When you’re able to regain your footing, you caught the potent smell of alcohol, weed and cigarettes coming from him.

There was a growing patch of stubble forming across his upper lip, indicating that he hasn’t shaved in at least a few days. His long hair was unkempt, knotty and tangled all over his head. It was unusual to see him looking like a complete mess.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” the words come out slurred, yet still hostile as he spat them from his pouted, wetted lips. The dark bags under his eyes had worsened since the last time you had seen him. His eyes scanned over you, showing you their glassy and red state, revealing the fatigue of his current bender.

You huffed, taken aback by his offensiveness, “Excuse me?”

Unbothered by his own rude greeting and how it affected you, he snipped out impatiently, “What do you want?”

Unlike the times before, you stand your ground with him, “Is Josh he-”

“No.”

“Can you tell me-“

He tried to cut you off a second time by shutting the screen door in its latch, but luckily you stopped him with an extended hand.

You’ve been pushed to your limits with him, but even so, you’re shocked by your own shouting, “Hey! What’s your problem?!”

“Josh isn’t here, okay?! And I dont give a fuck when he will be back. So why do you just run along?” He spat out with a vicious sneer.

Before he had the chance to clear you from the door, you wedged yourself in with your knee. He threw the door open in irritation and stormed off into the house, leaving you standing in the doorway.

“Why are you being like this? I thought we were okay?”

He scoffed, taking his turn to be the one offended as he turned back to you, “Okay?! Why would we be okay?”

Blinded by your own emotions of rage, you closed the distance and pushed him with flattened plams against his chest, escalating everythunt ebtwen you, “What is your fucking problem with me? Why are you always such an asshole?”

He staggered back, but managed to find his balance surprisingly quick. Looking back at it, you should have prepared yourself for what he would say next.

Jake seethed, “Why does it fucking matter what I think of you?! We certainly aren’t friends and we are definitely not fucking lovers…what difference does it make?”

The volatility of his question stunned you out of a response. You stared blankly at him, frantic in your own mind to come up with something. Anything. He had only really been standoffish and rude up until then, but this was a personal attack directed at you. It hurt more than anything else, leaving a wound like he was a coiled up snake that finally struck out after a final taunt.

“…Jake,” the sound of his name left your lips in a pitiful whimper as the venom of his words seeped in.

He stepped one foot closer, infiltrating your personal space. You couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eye, and focused on the necklace hanging from his chest. His voice was harsh when it hit your ears, “And I’m not going to be the man you run to when things go wrong with my brother..I refuse to be your second choice. So you can just forget it.”

He recoiled back from his own words once he realized how much of his feelings he revealed to you in that moment. If you were this upset, he was hurting that much more. He was casting you away. It was his messed up way of letting you go, even if that meant making you resent him for it.

When you pulled enough courage to look at him again, you saw how his eyes said so much more than his words, they spoke to you as if to say “Why didn’t you choose me? Was I not good enough?”

Night of Party / Jake’s POV

With his face buried deep in your neck, his head was filled with the sweet, fruity scent of your shampoo. Your skin was silken soft beneath his swollen lips as they traveled along your collarbone to right below your ear. You were everything he had imagined and more.

He never really expected any of his flirting to go anywhere with you. He just couldn’t help temptation no matter how hard he had tried to scare you off since that day he met you. He really did try to make you hate him, even if Josh would accuse him otherwise.

So when you kissed him, even flicked your tongue against his for the first time - he let himself take the plunge with you. He dove right in after you without a moment to think or to second-guess himself. There had been nothing that could satiate the need of your body for him, and his hands roamed faster than his drunken mind could process.

Despite how much he had to drink, there was no mistaking for how much he wanted this.

“Jake…” you whined, pulling his face away from your throat to get a better look at him. He looked into your glazed eyes and smiled, captivated with your effortless beauty. Your cheeks were flushed, and the vulnerable skin along your upper body that peeked over the collar of your shirt was starting to reveal the marks he had left in his path. He panted against you, lost in this single moment of time with you and wishing it would last forever.

“Yes, baby?” He nipped at the thin skin of your jawline, breathing you in once again.

“I think we should go to your room,” you giggled breathlessly, pulling him tighter by the belt loops of his jeans in a need to have him closer somehow. He groaned at the feeling of being pressed against you while his mind raced with the possibilities.

“You sure?” He wanted you so badly, but the idea of actually taking you to his bed right now made his heart beat erratically within the walls of his chest.

It didn’t seem real, like he had been stuck in a dreamstate that he was sure to wake from at any second. The more time he had you in his arms, the more the reality of having you became. But he also knew you both couldn’t stay here in the hallway with wandering eyes.

He pulled you carefully from the wall and led you to his room by the hand, pulling you behind him through the dark hallway towards his bedroom.

You stumbled into his room and crashed into his arms, pulling him back into another kiss as he closed the door behind him. The excited giggles escaping your mouth as you explored his own drove him crazier than ever before.

His hand left your hip and grabbed your ass, making you squeal at the harsh feeling of his fingers gripping into the pillowy flesh through the denim.

God, you were fucking perfect.

All the times he laid in that bed thinking about you as his hand dipped below the waistband of his boxers, it would never compare to having you in his arms like this.

When the back of your knees hit the edge of the mattress, you fell backwards on the bed in a laughing fit, taking him down with you. He tumbled across your body, fitting perfectly against you like a puzzle piece. You fumbled with the buttons of his shirt because the feeling of his knee pressing between your legs was too distracting for you to focus.

He didn’t want you worrying about him. He was too preoccupied with needing you, feeling you, tasting you to care about himself. With your hands pinned above your head, he went back to kissing the side of your neck and biting his way down to the center of your chest. He licked at the sweet spot as he pulled the cotton t-shirt up over the swell of your breasts.

Your freed hands had found a place in the locks as soon as he released his hold around your wrists, and you pulled at the hair the second his warm tongue made contact with the skin peeking over your bra.

He growled against your sternum, taking note of every little thing that turned you on and made your squirm beneath him.

What he didn’t realize was that you were beginning to feel overwhelmed. Your senses were being thrown into overdrive and you couldn’t handle it with the amount of alcohol buzzing in your system.

“Jake.”

He knew something was wrong with the weak tone of your voice and how your body stiffened suddenly beneath his weight. He pulled his lips from your chest to look up at you.

“Is everything okay? Did I do something?”

“No. I mean…yeah. I dunno. The room is spinning so fucking much..” you trailed off as your breathing started to change, and then he noticed all the color drain from your face, “…I don’t feel good.”

You swallowed harshly, fighting the saliva that started to pool into your mouth from the nausea bubbling in your stomach. He saw your glassy eyes well up with tears as you stared up at the ceiling trying to compose yourself.

He scrambled to his knees above you, “Here, sit up for me,” He took your hands in his and helped pull you to a sitting position at the edge of his bed so that you had your feet planted on the floor. “Is that better?”

“Mmmm. I think so.” You hummed as you allowed your eyes to close, but you were starting to sway back and forth in his hold. He helped pull your shirt back down for the sake of your modesty and comfort. “I shouldn’t have taken those shots with Sammy.”

“Probably not,” He laughed, but there was still some concern in his voice while he rubbed over your back, “Do you think you might get sick?”

“I don’t think so,” you groaned through your heavy breathing as you placed your hands on your knees to ground yourself.

Jake looked around the room and spotted the wastebasket in the corner and grabbed it for you, setting it between your legs. “If you feel like you might, try to hit this. I’m gonna get you a glass of water and I’ll be right back.”

He wanted nothing more than to take away this feeling for you. This night was supposed to be an opportunity for you to be free and live - not hovering over a tiny trash can on a man’s bed.

“Okay,” you opened your eyes and looked up at him with an expression a sad, lost puppy might have. “Don’t be gone long, okay?”

“I won’t,” he promised as leaned down and placed a kiss on your forehead that was starting to become clammy with sweat. He brushed the sticky hair back to tuck behind your ears.

“Jake.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I ruined this.”

“Greenie,” He sighed, heartbroken that you would even think something like that. If anything, he felt guilty going forward with this when you clearly had too much tonight. “You didn’t ruin it. We can do this any time. I’m just happy to be spending time with you no matter what happens, okay?”

A small smile formed on your pale lips, “Are you sure?”

“Positive. Now don’t move. I’ll be back in a second.”

“Yes, sir.” You brought your hand to your head in a sloppy rendition of a salute, making him laugh before he exited the room.

Jake pushed past the groups of mingling people to get to the kitchen, hoping to dodge any late night drunken conversations that he could get trapped in. He felt relief when he finally stepped into the small kitchen, and grabbed a glass for the cabinet to fill.

“Hope you know what you’re doing,” he heard the familiar voice behind him as he turned the faucet on, making him look over his shoulder to see Danny leaning up against the counter.

“What do you mean?” Jake kept his question clipped and stiff.

“With her. You know how Josh feels,” Danny warned.

“Yeah? What about how I feel? What about how she feels?” Jake snapped back, catching his best friend off guard. Anger was starting to build in his chest and into the words leaving his mouth, “Hell, even you like her!”

Danny raised his hands up in defense, backing away slightly, “Hey, you don’t have to come after me about this. I’m just saying that this will get messy and I hope you’re prepared for that.”

Jake gave a disapproving snort, “Yeah, well, he fucked up his chance tonight. You heard what he said to her at work.”

“But-“

“No, Daniel. I’ve been standing out of the way long enough,” Jake cut off his best friend before storming off back towards his bedroom.

He knew Danny meant well, and with the history between him and Josh, he couldn’t blame him. That being said, the idea of someone interjecting themselves into his personal business tossed a blanket of annoyance over his night. He worked to shrug it off from not wanting to place that on you.

When he opened the door, he was met with an empty bedroom. He noted the indentations in the blankets from where you sat and the wastebasket kicked over on the floor. He looked behind to see if he could spot you in the groups of people hanging out in the living room, thinking he had missed you somehow. But he didn’t see your face.

Jake crossed the hallway and saw the bathroom light glowing out from under the crack of the door. He knocked softly, but with the volume of the music blaring through the speakers, he couldn’t hear a response even with his ear pressed up against the painted wood. Given the state you were in, he was worried about you being alone anywhere without supervision.

He debated just going back to his room, but thought he would just crack the door to see if you were at least okay. When he peeked in, he didn’t just see you in the bathroom.

Josh was sitting behind you, sitting on the edge of the tub with you between his legs. hovering over the toilet bowl. He was singing softly to you as he pulled your hair back from your face in a makeshift ponytail. The sight made Jake’s heart plummet into the pit of his stomach with growing resentment for his twin for taking his place.

He should have closed the door and headed back to his room that instant, but he didn’t. He stayed hidden behind the bathroom door to watch the scene between you and Josh unfold.

He heard you sniffling and watched as you wiped the tears streaming down your face on your sleeve. He desperately wanted to be the one to comfort you. It should have been him all along,

Josh hushed you gently as he rubbed his open palm across your back in large, calming circles, “Why are you crying, sweet girl?”

“Because. I just fuck everything up.” You choked out a sob, pulling back from the toilet, “This is so embarrassing!”

He let out a throaty laugh, but one that’s reassuring and comforting, “For getting sick? Greenie, I think that’s kind of standard for one of our parties. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. God only knows how many times I’ve puked in here alone.”

“Yuck.” You share a moment of laughter before going silent again.

“Josh?” You croaked, leaning back to rest on your feet.

“Hmm?”

“Are you mad at me?” Your voice was so meek and frail that Jake almost didn’t hear it. Josh’s brows turn up and pull together in concern, revealing his own sadness at the sound.

It’s obvious to him that you’re just running on the anxious thoughts that have been circulating around in your head for hours. All inhibitions and filters were gone at this point, and you were just blabbering out whatever popped into your mind.

“I could never be mad at you,” he assured you, hoping that’s all it would take for you to believe him. Jake could tell that Josh was holding back wanting to explain everything, to lay out the intricacies to the dynamic of their relationship to you.

You shook your head, taking in a heavy breath to control the nausea, “Yeah, but-“

“I know, I know. Shhh, we don’t have to talk about that now.”

You didn’t pay him attention, continuing through your thoughts in a mess of slurred words, “I don’t wa-want you to be ma-mad at me, Josh. I - I, I just like you so so much and-“

He hushed you again with a soothing hand over your shoulders, massaging the tense muscles, “I like you, too, Greenie. I promise I’m not mad.”

It took every ounce of will for Jake not to burst into the room, but he is able to somehow hold himself back. It’s not a surprise that you had feelings for his brother, he just didn’t expect the spoken words to hurt him as much as they did.

“You promise?”

“I do. Even with the pinkies,” Josh smiled and offered his hand with his pinky finger out, hooking yours as he placed a lingering kiss on your temple. You leaned into the feeling, allowing your eyes to close again.

Jake couldn’t take watching you anymore so he closed the door slowly to not make a noise. He set the glass on the floor and sauntered back to his room, defeated and cursing to himself that he let you slip out of his fingers that easily.

——-

“I refuse to be your second choice-”

His words rang in your ears. You shouted back, shocked by the screeching of your own voice, “How the hell was I supposed to know that you even were a choice, huh?! You’re so hot and cold with me everytime I see you. I never know what Jake I’m gonna get!”

Jake scoffed, throwing a humorless laugh into the air between you. He swiped a half-empty bottle of whiskey that was standing on the coffee table. The furniture’s surface was littered with ashtrays overflowing with cigarette butts, empty beer cans, and dirty dishes. He spun on his heels while lifting the arm holding out the bottle of Jack, pointing an accusatory finger at you, “You just don’t get it, do you?!”

You shot back defensively, “Get what, Jake?”

“I promised!” He spat through gritted teeth, “I fucking promised that this wouldn’t happen. You know that right? That’s all the golden boy wanted and I fucking made- I, I fucking made sure that it wouldn’t be, be this way,” he drunkenly rambled on, almost blubbering over his thoughts that he couldn’t seem to get out fast enough. He averted his eyes to the floor out of shame.

What did he promise?

He swayed in his spot, trying to shrug off the hurt, all the pain that he was feeling right now. He muttered under his breath with the intention of you not hearing it, “I always fuck these things up.”

You prodded again, shifting your weight on your feet nervously. It was probably a lost cause to get a more coherent answer from him, but you pushed anyway, “What are you talking about?”

“All I could do was make you hate me. Did it work?” He choked out a broken sob, the soft cry catching in the back of his throat. Without warning, he screamed, sending a piercing sound into the air as he hurled the bottle of Jack into the wall in front of him, “Do you fucking hate me now?!”

You covered your ears the instant the glass bottle shattered into pieces, flinching at the contents exploding like a bomb inside the tiny living room. A spray of amber liquid coated the wall, and was now dripping onto the floor into a growing puddle. He stood there heaving, staring at the aftermath of his rage.

You were too scared saying anything, fearful to upset him further as the overwhelming tension gnawed at you relentlessly. Uncomfortable and confused weren’t even close to describing the feelings you were experiencing. It felt like the dread was oozing up through the floorboards towards your feet, so it could pull you down into its unforgiving pit. There was so much you wanted to say, to ask, to let go of.

This was a side of him you weren’t meant to see- his loss of control. The desperation for what he couldn’t have. It was ugly and flawed, and here you were fighting the want to comfort him through it.

Jake rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes, almost painfully to wipe away the tears that had started to spill over. He stumbled backwards, falling into the recliner in defeat. He still wouldn’t look at you, and a part of you considered slipping out the door altogether.

After a minute of taking in the scene, you dared to step forward, crossing the short distance to stand before him. His eyes were boring holes into the floor off to the side of you while he clenched his jaw in distaste.

You opened your mouth, keeping your voice clear and calm, “I don’t hate you, Jake. I never did. It breaks my heart that you just keep pushing me away every chance you get.”

He softened at the sound of your voice, as if the anger had melted instantly from his entire frame. He met your eyes with his, looking at you with regret and sorrow swirling in the darkened pupils. He mumbled your name, the sound breaking from his lips in a weak whimper.

You knew in your heart that you couldn’t give him the answer or the outcome he wanted. There wasn’t anything left for you to say, and being here with him was the last place you needed to be.

With a few strides towards the front door, he called out over his shoulder, “Wait!“

“Goodbye, Jake.”

You whipped the screen door open, making it swing wildly against the wall of the house and slam shut in its latch without you there to catch it. The air draped over you like a heavy blanket with it already being so muggy and thick with the summer humidity. It clung relentlessly to your skin, causing beads of sweat to form on the back of your neck within less than a minute of being outside.

A few steps is all you can take in your emotional state before you end up sitting on the porch stairs. You sat with your chin in hand, watching in silence as the seagulls bobbed their heads in their search for food when they walked around the sparse patch of grass. Hot tears have started to stream down your cheeks while you replay Jake’s words in your mind.

This is all your fault.

That’s what your brain was on a mission to tell you, anyway - that you did something that made this all unfold the way it did, that you could have done something different to change it.

Maybe you deserved to have Jake react the way he did, to loathe you now in every sense of the word. You blink away the tears falling from the tip of your nose and onto the step, watching as the wetness bleeds into the concrete - each drop serving as a reminder for everything that has gone wrong between you.

Consumed by your thoughts, you’re not really sure how much time passed when you hear the sounds of footsteps approaching you.

You broke your eyes away from the ground to search for the source, and it’s no surprise that it’s Josh strolling up the stone path. He’s carefree, without a concern in his mind as he bounds closer to you. You want to smile at the slight spring in his step, but then guilt acts like a drop of acid as it starts to eat away in the corner of your mind.

“Hey!” He greeted cheerfully, but everything fell the second he realized something was wrong. “What are- fuck, are you okay? What happened?!”

He practically sprinted the last few steps to crash into the side of you on the steps. “Nothing, it’s nothing. I’m fine,” you mumbled into your palm before rubbing your nose through a poorly concealed sniffle.

Josh adjusted and inched beside you, adopting a more serious tone to his voice, “Greenie, I can tell that you’ve been crying. You can talk to me.” You guessed that his own mind was probably wandering with concern, “ Is it something that I did?”

“No! No, of course not. You’re perfect,” you reassure him.

He took your hand in his, squeezing it gently, “You should know by now that I’m far from that. What happened?”

You knew him well enough that he wasn’t going to let this go, so you give in by mumbling, “It’s Jake.”

You felt Josh’s body go rigid against you at the sound of his twin’s name. “What did he do?” he asked sternly. A twist of panic hit your gut, fearing that he would storm inside after his brother for what happened.

You settled for giving the answer, “He’s just an ass, it’s nothing new.”

It's a pathetic one at best, but you look up to see if he buys it. You saw the evidence of the day’s sun kissing the apples of his cheeks and bridge of his nose, telling you he had forgotten to put on sunscreen before he left the house. A glossy sheen of sweat had collected on his face from the exertion of his walk, but it only made him glow that much more. Despite the level of concern laden in his expression, his eyes glittered in the sunlight. Although, his usual beaming smile was now pulled into a frown, sending another pang of guilt right to your heart.

“I don’t think we are fooling each other by pretending we don’t know what’s going on with him. He’s my twin. I know when he’s having a rough go.”

Oh boy, here we go.

“I think it’s safe to say he hates me now.”

He took a steadying breath, but kept his hand wrapped around yours as he spoke, “Listen, underneath all that tough exterior is a delicate man, Greenie, But you’re probably aware of that now. And between you and me, he just doesn’t take things on the chin like he would have you believe. Jake is a bottler. He just shoves and shoves until it all just comes bursting out at once. This time you were the target for it, and that fucking kills me to know that. It’s taking all of my willpower not to go in and beat the shit out of him for it, actually. But hate is a strong word, and I know you know that’s not true. He just needs some time to come around.”

If he only knew everything that had just happened between you and Jake. You can only nod at the sentiment of Josh’s consoling words to you.

“I hope you’re right.”

His thumb rubbed across your knuckles to comfort you, but you could sense he was hesitant about something still.

“I kissed him,” the confession tumbled out of your mouth before you could catch it.

“I know.”

You weren’t expecting that response, making you gasp in disbelief, “You do? You’re not upset?”

“Yeah, well.” He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck while he chose his next words. “At first I was pretty upset, I won’t lie to you. That’s my fault though, from how we left things off at work that night, I deserve it. And it would have been a shame if a girl like you didn’t kiss someone that night. It would have been down right tragic. I just wished it would have been me instead. But no, I’m not upset at you.”

He allowed you to process his explanation in your own time. You were stuck in a whirlwind of emotions and disjointed thoughts that you end up just fixating on the ground as he sat with you.

You lifted your eyes up from your feet to look at him sitting beside you. He’s twiddling with the braided leather bracelet on his wrist, but he didn’t seem to notice you staring at him. You’re quick to spot something white sticking out from behind his ear. Reaching out, you pulled the stick-like item made of thin paper that had been stashed away in his mane of loose, sun-bleached curls. Upon further inspection with a closer eye, you realized that it is an expertly rolled joint, and you almost dropped it at your feet.

You stared down at it, twirling it slowly in your fingers. You glanced up at him, sporting the best disapproving brow you could form and teased with a light jab of your elbow, “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Am I dating a stoner, Joshua?”

His gaze caught yours, and you stared at each other for a few moments in comfortable silence. Time seemed to stand still as you found yourself getting lost in his golden, caramel irises. The doe-eyes flicked across your face, scanning over each intricate detail so he couldn’t possibly forget. You followed them, noting how the whites of his eyes were a hazy pink, giving away that he had probably partook in the activity earlier today.

Josh seemed like an open book to you when it came to his emotions, and in most cases he was. Now, with the proximity and the intensity of his focus on you, the desire to know the thoughts bouncing around in his pretty head burned in your mind.

As he looked at you, his bottom lip was drawn in by his teeth, keeping those confessions from escaping. The way they sank into the soft pinkened flesh made a giggle flutter in your throat.

Hearing one of his favorite sounds caused a full-blown grin to creep across his face, showcasing the dimple that indented his cheek. He breathed loudly with a hummed exhale, “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

“Are you trying to butter me up? Because you’re in trouble, mister.” You wanted to play it off, but the compliment had elicited a hot blush to bless your cheeks.

Josh chuckled at your poor excuse of a scolding, “Oh is that so?” He plucked the joint with careful fingers out of your own. “ And what if I am? I can’t help that I think you’re the cutest when you’re all flustered.”

You rolled your eyes, throwing them out to the street to watch the cars drive past on Coastal Highway.

He spun the joint around between gentle fingers, assessing his handiwork with a sense of pride.

“You were walking around town with this?” You scanned over the street with creeping paranoia.

He shrugged with little to no concern as he dug around his pocket, fishing out a lighter, “I guess I forgot all about it.”

“Josh!”

“Greenie!” He giggled back, stashing the joint back in its place behind his ear, “I’ll save it for our drive, okay? I think I need to get you outta here anyway.” He grabbed a hold of your wrist and tugged you onto his lap in a fluid motion. “And what did I say about letting go and living a little, huh?”

Your hands found a firm place around his warm neck as his own settled around your waist. You brushed back the fallen hair from his brow, “Yeah, but I didn’t think ‘living a little’ meant the possibility of getting arrested on your doorstep.”

His hand left your hip to wrap your chin, pulling you in so he could mumble across your parted lips, “I think you are a bit of a worrier, my dear.”

He broke away from the kiss to stare at your lips before bringing his eyes up to yours. There was no denying the new hesitancy in his body language, “Can I ask you something?”

The question made your chest tighten like a vice grip, cinching one notch more with each passing second until you eventually squeaked out, “Sure.”

He darted his tongue to wet his lips, this time out of anxiousness rather than just a mindless habit, “Are you having doubts about us?”

“No!” You blurted out, but tried to catch yourself, “I mean-“

“It’s okay if you are. This has all happened pretty fast and I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you into this. Especially with Jake and everything. We haven’t really talked about things since the other night-“

You cut off his rambling with your hands holding onto both sides of his face to redirect him, “Josh, I want this.”

“I want you, okay?”

It was undoubtedly true, but you can’t deny the internal war you were fighting with the feelings for Jake. You decide to bury them for the time being, wanting to stay locked in this moment with Josh.

He sighed in relief with his charming smile shining back at you, “Yeah?”

“Mmmhmm,” You placed a kiss to his top lip for good measure, making him melt with a flick of his tongue to meet yours.

“So we’re dating?” He chuckled teasingly, catching your bottom lip between his teeth. His other hand was dragging you closer into his lap, and you found yourself whining at the familiar feeling, even if it was still one you haven’t gotten used to yet. He took your soft moan as confirmation.

His lips parted away from yours to trail along your soft jaw, peppering it with wet kisses, muttering against the skin, “How about I take you to the boardwalk tomorrow night for an actual date? What’d ya say?”

You laughed, letting the pitched, airy sound mimic the feeling of your racing heart, “Isn’t that one of those dreadful tourist traps?”

He groaned when you caught the right spot on his lap, nipping at your earlobe, “I think I can make an exception for a pretty girl.”

You hummed, wanting to get lost in the feeling of him, “As long as you win me one of those giant stuffed animals.”

“I think I’m contractually obligated as your date to win you a stuffed animal.”

“If that’s the case, I’ll take the biggest, most ridiculous one we can find.”

“Deal.”

TAGLIST:

@josiee-gvf @weightofdreamz @sammyslappers @sammiejane22 @doodle417 @prophetofthedune @maverick-rose @weightofdreams-gvf @gretasmokerising @brokenbellz @gvfrry @gretavanfleas @baguettejuliette @jakeyboiiiiiii @welightthefire @dannyandthekiszkas @shesawomaninadream @ashabeannn @gretavanbitches @alexxavicry @luverleaver @kissthekiszka @milkgemini @freckledwonder @richjaaasss @dolceacquario @lvnterninthenight @daniellefersblog @strangersimp @mywaykiszka @gardensgatedaisy @jakekiszmyass @writingcold @ageofbrokenbells @pennylanefics @idk-anymore50 @jordierama @seventieswhore @greta-van-chaos @lek-gvf @sarakay-gvf

#gvf fic #josh kiszka #fanfic #josh kiszka fanfiction #gvf series #jake kiszka angst #Jake gvf #jake kiszka series #Josh Kiszka series #Josh Kiszka angst #jake kiszka #Josh gvf #gvf angst #boys of summer #josh kiszka x reader #jake kiszka x reader #gvf twin fic

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madsworld15 · 1 month

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Heal Me, Hold Me, Make Me, Know Me Chapter 3 Part 3: June

QAF, Brian x Justin, Asexual Spectrum Representation, Season 2 re-telling. Part 3: 2800 words

As always, thank you @winderlylandchime and @maryp50 for your support. There will be one more part to this chapter when I post it to AO3 on Wednesday.

Brian got back on Wednesday around 9:30 pm. It was later than he’d told Justin initially, but not so much later that it’d truly matter. Brian was more than ready to sleep in his own apartment and spend some alone time with the younger man. Despite talking to Justin each night on the phone, just meandering from one pointless topic to the next, Brian desperately wanted to sit on the couch and listen to him ramble.

During Justin’s OT on Monday, he managed to grip a paintbrush the correct way for the first time since before the incident. Brian tried to congratulate him, but Justin quickly cut him off by telling him it wasn’t worth celebrating until he was able to actually paint again. When he wasn’t talking with Justin over the course of those two days, he had heard from Debbie – about Justin’s increased anger issues – and Emmett – about Justin’s refusal to talk about that night at all.

Brian was concerned, but he also thought maybe he needed to give Justin some more time to adjust to each new development in his recovery. The doctors at the rehab center had incessantly reminded him and Jennifer that Justin was in a marathon, not a sprint. They needed to help him keep expectations low but motivation high. However, the fuck that was supposed to happen, Brian still hadn’t figured out.

So, when Brian arrived back from Chicago to find Justin in a rage, throwing things around the loft, he wasn’t overly surprised. He saw scraps of art ripped apart and thrown around the open spaces of his home. Brian quietly closed the door behind him and then leaned against it, waiting for Justin to come down.

Justin finally noticed his presence and paused, his chest heaving and pencils clenched in his fists so hard, Brian could see the whites of his knuckles. Brian raised his eyebrow at him and quipped.

“I see you’ve been busy. I like what you’ve done with the place.”

“You said you’d be back by late afternoon. It’s almost 10 pm.” It was when Justin uttered these words that Brian saw the fear in his eyes.

“I made partner,” Brian replied simply, in a soft tone. He silently wondered if he should apologize, but being late wasn’t something he regretted, so he opted not to.

Justin shook his head slightly and scoffed. But instead of calling him out for whatever misdeed Brian must’ve done, Justin went over to the corner of the loft where he did art. He wasn’t over his outburst, but the anger he must be feeling was no longer being directed outwards. It was as if Brian’s presence had pushed it back some.

After that, Brian went over to his desk, deciding he needed to make a dent in the number of emails in his inbox. All was quiet for the next ten minutes when Justin started to lose his cool once more.

The younger man was at an easel his mom had brought by for him that morning, attempting to make big brush strokes with his paintbrush. But, every time he went to do anything other than put the brush to paper, his hand would revolt and start to spasm. Brian watched out of the corner of his eye while continuing to work. He knew that if he interfered, Justin would get even more angry.

“Fuckin Hobbs!” Justin exclaimed before a paintbrush was lobbed toward Brian’s desk, almost hitting the man in the jaw as he crouched over some sign-on papers for Brown Athletics.

Brian looked up at him as he grabbed the brush, stood up, and crossed to the couch, where Justin had sat down, now rubbing his palm as he extended and curled his fingers.

“What was that?” Brian was thoroughly confused. He had no idea who this Hobbs person might be. Well, he assumed it was a person.

“Nothing.” Justin shrugged and shook out his hand.

“Who or what is Hobbs?” Brian sat down next to the blonde and took his hand into his to massage it.

“Hobbs was this guy I went to school with. He used to harass me for being gay.”

“What made you think of him?” Brian gave Justin a steady gaze that told the younger man he wasn’t going to drop the subject.

“Nothing.” Justin looked away, trying to avoid the truth Brian’s gaze was begging for.

“Okay. Don’t tell me. But just know that by keeping it inside, you’re going to keep getting angrier and angrier instead of moving forward.” Brian stood up and shrugged. “Then you really won’t ever draw or paint again.”

He went toward the bathroom to take a shower. From experience, he knew that Justin needed to be given the authority to pick and choose when he would talk about something. Brian was the same way. He was willing to talk about deeper subjects, but not if someone pushed and pushed until he felt trapped in a corner. So, Brian gave Justin his space and knew the blonde would come around eventually.

What he didn’t expect was for Justin to come into the bathroom just as he was stepping into the shower. Nor did he expect Justin to get undressed and join him under the spray of water. Brian was still trying to bring his brain back online when Justin grinned and spoke.

“I started to remember some stuff during group yesterday, but I didn’t tell anyone. Mostly because I didn’t know if it was real. But, then, last night in my nightmare, the guy who kicked me in the head had the face of my bully from high school, Hobbs.” Justin put some shampoo on his hands and started to rub his hair. When Brian reached forward to take over, the blonde let him without hesitation.

The two of them continued to wash each other's hair and upper body as Brian waited for Justin to lead the conversation further.

"I think he might be one of the guys who attacked me, but I can't know for sure." Justin looked up at Brian, a vulnerable look on his face.

"We could talk to the police if you want. They could look into it. But only if you feel comfortable." Brian wanted Justin to understand that he would always take his lead.

Justin just nodded and wrapped himself around Brian underneath the stream of water. Brian closed his eyes and hooked his chin on Justin’s shoulder. They’d been through quite a bit in the last few weeks, and he knew that the more Justin started to remember, the harder things would get.

“We should tell the police.” Justin finally muttered. Brian smiled as he pressed his lips to Justin’s neck. The younger man moved his head to expose more of his neck and allowed the most intimate touch for them since the bashing.

*****

A week later, Michael showed up at Brian’s office with a sheepish look on his face. Brian acted bored and continued looking over client mockups as he waited for Michael to start the conversation.

“I’m sorry.” Michael finally muttered. He moved further into the office and plopped himself down on the couch.

“Brian, I shouldn’t have said you’d never grow up or that Justin was the enemy because he was changing you.” Michael looked to Brian, but he refused to let Michael off that easily. “Growing up and being more mature isn’t a bad thing, even for you.”

“What made you realize that?” Brian finally made eye contact with Michael. He gave the shorter man a stony look that didn’t reveal any of the multitude of emotions raging inside him.

Michael scratched the side of his head and gave a small chuckle. It was his tell that he was nervous about something. Brian silently observed his friend waiting for whatever Michael’s epiphany-causing event was this time.

“I, um, was talking to Buzzy at the comic book store. And well, he talked about wanting a change in his life and that he might move away. Anyway, the thought of losing my favorite comic book store made me realize that so many things were changing all around me. Then, I thought, maybe Brian needed a change, and Justin gave him that. So, here I am.” Michael shrugged and looked at Brian with a hopeful expression in his eyes.

“Well, Mikey. That’s really insightful of you.” Brian rubbed his mouth to hide his grin.

“But…” Michael responded.

“No but. I just don’t understand how you couldn’t extend me the same courtesy I gave you when you started getting serious with the good doctor.” Brian shrugged. “You’re my oldest friend, Mikey, and yet you’ve done nothing but judge me.”

“What else was I supposed to think? You went from believing in fucking not love one minute and the opposite the next.”

“Who said I believe in love? I’m still very much about fucking, not love, with the added pleasure of spending regular time with a guy I like.” Brian flipped off his computer and stood up, gathering the rest of his things. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I still have sex practically every day.”

Brian left his office, and Michael followed him. “And Justin knows about it?”

“Yes. He encourages it.” Brian nodded goodbye to Cynthia on his way past her desk. ��See you tomorrow, Cynthia.”

“Tell Justin I said hello.” Cynthia smiled and waved.

Michael looked around as they walked out the front door of Vanguard. “Wait, you’re leaving already? It’s only 4:30 pm.”

“Justin still gets a bit freaked out if he’s alone for too long. I usually work a bit from the loft in the evenings.” Brian shrugged and climbed into his Jeep.

“We need to discuss our plans for Pride Weekend, which is this weekend. In case you forgot.” Michael almost shouted at Brian as he prepared to leave the parking garage.

“You’re welcome to come over tonight. Justin has plans to go to dinner with his mom later, so it’ll be just us.” Brian offered up an option.

“Sounds good. I’ll come by the loft in an hour.” Michael waved at him and headed off in the opposite direction.

An hour later, Brian was in the midst of letting Justin let out his anger when the door to the loft slid open. Today, Justin’s target of rage was his and Brian’s wardrobes. Brian had some music playing to keep the neighbors from complaining as Justin stormed about, ranting about people giving up on the cripple.

“Of course, my mom would value his needs over mine! She told me she forgot. Sure she did! My dad says jump, and she does it. No question. Even now.”

“Hey, Brian.” Michael came up next to Brian, where he sat on the couch. Michael looked toward the bedroom, where Justin was pacing angrily.

“You aren’t going to stop him? He’s throwing your Armani fall collection around.” Michael looked at Brian incredulously.

Brian looked up from the Brown Athletics mockup in his lap, looked at Justin, and then went back to Michael with a shrug.

“He’s not destroying anything. It’s easier on everyone if we just let him work through it.”

“But it’s your Armani Fall Collection.” Michael looked at Brian like he’d grown a second head.

“It’s replaceable if Justin somehow ruins it, which I doubt.” Brian shrugged again. Then he stretched and stood up. “Would you like something to drink?”

Michael followed him to the kitchen. “So, you just let him throw shit around until he’s calmed down?”

“Like I said, it’s better for everyone if I don’t try to stop him.” Brian poured Michael a glass of water. “So, what were you thinking for Pride this year? The usual, go to Babylon and find someone to bring home?”

Just then, Justin came into the kitchen, his chest heaving with each breath. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. He exchanged a look with Brian and planted a kiss on the older man’s cheek.

“I’ll put everything back. I promise. I just need a minute.”

“I’ve told you. You don’t ever have to apologize for getting frustrated.” Brian faced Justin and looked him up and down with a concerned look in his eyes.

“I know. I just hate that I do it. I don’t know why.” Justin looked down at his feet, defeated.

“You have a brain injury. Remember, the doctor told you that it would affect your moods and anger management.” Brian reached out and cupped Justin’s cheek.

“Yeah.” Justin took a deep breath and another swig from his water bottle. “So, what are you guys talking about?”

“Pride!” Michael cut in, surprising Brian. “It’s this weekend. Are you going?”

What little bit of normalcy Justin managed to regain in the last few moments went away, and a cloud moved in at Michael’s innocuous question.

“Why? What do I have to be proud of? That I got bashed in the head and didn’t die?”

“Well,” Michael started and then briefly paused, “Yeah. And to show everyone that you are still you.”

“But I’m not.” Justin glared at Michael, slammed the water on the counter, and walked away back to the bedroom.

Michael followed Justin’s path until he disappeared behind the dividers. Then he turned back to Brian in shock.

“You aren’t encouraging him to go?” Michael whispered.

Brian met him with a steady gaze, “Pot, meet kettle.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Michael protested.

“You know exactly what I mean.” Brian leaned his upper body onto his elbows, which were on the countertop. “You’ve never been to a Pride parade in your life. You’re too damn chicken shit to try.”

“That’s not fair. You know I can’t expose my sexuality at my job. I could lose it or any chances I might have at advancing my career.” Michael was getting fired up. Brian wondered how far he could take the conversation.

“Chicken shit,” Brian emphasized, trying to make his point once again. “Your mom begs you every year to march with her, and every year, you try to flirt your way into a one-night stand and go home empty-handed.”

“That’s not true! I get a good fuck. Sometimes.” Michael protested a bit loudly. “Besides, what about you? You never march in the parade either.”

“Maybe not, but I still go every year. And never once do I back down from being exactly who I am, no matter what time of year it is.”

“Yes, because you are the model of what we should all aspire to as gay men.” Michael rolled his eyes and muttered smugly.

“You should be so lucky to be me. I have everything I could ever want.”

Justin came back with an eye roll to Brian. “Yes, because everyone should aspire to be an uncaring man whore who fucks everything that moves.”

“You don’t ever have any complaints.” Brian rolled his lips between his teeth and playfully smirked at Justin.

“I complain all the time. Just not to you.” Justin winked and grabbed Brian’s landline receiver. “That reminds me, I should call Emmett.”

Brian swatted at Justin and muttered, “Smart ass,” under his breath.

“All kidding aside, Brian’s no apologies, no regrets mantra is actually quite impressive and worth aspiring for.” Justin shrugged, putting the phone back on its cradle without actually making any calls.

“If that’s true, then why aren’t you going to the Pride festivities this weekend?” Michael motioned his hands outward as if challenging Justin to find a way out of the non-existent hole Michael believed him to be in.

“Because I’m a coward. I didn’t fight off my attackers. Plus, I still can’t handle crowds of people.” Justin shrugged.

Michael and Brian exchanged looks before Brian reached out and grabbed Justin’s hand. “I’d be there with you. If you decided to go that is.”

Then Michael did the biggest show of good faith Brian had seen from him in a very long time. He extended an olive branch to Justin.

“Tell you what. If you brave the crowds to go to Pride this weekend. I will do the same and march with my mom. It’ll be a first time for both of us.”

Justin looked from Brian to Michael and back to Brian. Confusion was etched all over his face. This wasn’t the Michael Justin knew and Brian could tell it was unnerving him. Brian shrugged and gave Justin an encouraging smile.

“I’ll think about it.” Justin finally conceded.

Brian knew that was the most the young man could offer at this time. Braving the crowds at Pride would be well beyond his current comfort zone, even if he was surrounded by Brian and Emmett. Justin probably wasn’t ready to do something as huge as march in the parade, but if given the right level of motivation he could be convinced to stand on the sidelines and watch.

It was a huge step forward for the blonde, regardless of what he decided. Though Brian suspected Justin was leaning toward being an observer instead of being the only one to stay home.

#queer as folk #brian kinney #justin taylor #fanfiction #alternate universe #asexual spectrum representation

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fairystar111 · 1 month

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Two of a Kind

by: fairystar111

Rating: Gen

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia

Summary:

Everyone make mistakes

We all have our moments of weakness whether it be due to a bad headspace or loneliness

We try our best to rectify those misjudgment's

But some aren't as willing to forget

No some think that decisions are forever and aren't ever willing to let go

Lord help those stuck in their clutches...

Characters: Spinner | Suuichi Iguchi, Asui Tsuyu

CW/Tags: Kidnapping, Lima Syndrome, Dehumanization, Hurt no Comfort, Mutant Discrimination, Emotional Manipulation, Manipulative League of Villains, Brainwashing, Possessive Behavior.

All his life Shuichi Iguchi has never had someone truly understand him. He was born a heteromorph to two “normal” parents and was subsequently dropped off on the doorstep of an orphanage. They didn't even give him a chance when he was dropped off at a day old. The orphanage he spent his childhood in treated him sub-human because of his mutation. He was fed scraps off the floor like an animal while the other children were fed at dinner at the dining table with plates and silverware. While the other children were dolled up shown off to families looking to adopt he was hidden in the attic only allowed out once all the guests had left.

He was lucky the orphanage was required to send him to school by law; he doubted they would have ever let him go if not. Though school wasn't any better, he had an endless supply of bullies just for being born different and teachers who turned a blind eye to the harassment. His teachers treated him like he was stupid often not listening to a word he said or answering any of his questions. He often had to be his own teacher throughout his schooling. He struggled a lot but managed to get good grades in hopes that after he aged out of the system he would be able to attend university and leave his past behind him. He probably would have been able to pass highschool and get into a good university if it wasn't for the incident.

One day after a long day at school he had walked into his bedroom ready to pass out only to find the headmistress of the orphanage there. She had thrown a button up shirt and pair of slacks at him and told him to get ready. He had initially gotten excited thinking that they had finally found a family of heterotrophs that wanted to adopt since those are quite rare due to the low percentage of heteromorphs in Japan. He had gotten ready quickly and followed her to the main office where interviews are held only to find himself completely horrified.

The “couple” that wanted to adopt him weren't heteromorphs, they weren't even a couple and they didn't want him as their son. They were rich investors who wanted to put him in a new exotic animal exhibition they were creating. Apparently they have been all over the world collecting children for their exhibit. They wanted him to be part of the rainforest section. They explained to the headmistress, talking as if he wasn't there, that they find it easier to acclimate children into the exhibits rather than adults and would like him to be their gecko. The woman had found their idea delightful and had signed the papers without even asking his opinion. When he had spoken up and protested the decision all the people occupying the office acted like they couldn’t hear or understand him. After the pair left he was told to pack his belongings and that they would be here for him the following morning. That night he packed what little belongings he had and escaped through the third story window using his quirk to scale down the walls. He was done being treated like a pet. He was not going to grow up in a glass cage be cooed and awed at by rich elites in a foreign country. He abandoned the name Shuichi Iguchi and set out to start a new life as Spinner.

He spent a couple of years homeless resorting to small acts of petty crime to get by since no one wanted to hire a mutant and when he did actually want to buy anything at a store they would mark up the price once they saw his features. Once he was sixteen he heard of a group wanting to change the world for people like him and with nothing better to do he joined. It was the best decision he ever made. He helped win a war, changed society, and gained a family but sometimes he still got a little lonely looking at the others.

He never had a place to belong until the league and he doesn't want to sound ungrateful; he really does love them all. They're the first real family he’s ever had, it's just they don’t understand. And he's happy that they don't, really he is, he would never want them to be treated like he was. But they just don’t get what it's like to be treated like an actual animal as if they were a pet that could be bought or sold or they wouldn't be doing it to their kids. Hawks somewhat understands but the difference is he is pretty. He’s in the lucky percentage of heteromorphs that are pretty enough to be considered socially acceptable. He doesn’t understand what it's like for those like Spinner. That is why despite his better judgment he decided to take a child too. He saw the little frog girl and thought she would understand him in a way none of the others could. He never thought things would turn out this way. He was so sorry.

=====

When Asui awoke she found herself in a large plain room. She was in a large bed wearing the same clothes she was taken in. As she looked around the room she couldn't find anything particularly evil about it. The room was fairly unremarkable aside from the monitor on the wall. It wasn’t a concrete cell nor the lab of a mad scientist like she had been expecting; it was more like a plain guest bedroom. While that is good she can't help but wonder why she was brought here and what they were going to do to her. She decided to be rational rather than panic about what was to come and called out to her captor. Better to get things over quickly than stew in her anxiety.

“Hello? Is anyone there? Kero”

Soon after the door opened revealing the green gecko man that had taken her.

“Hi Asui, my name is Spinner. Um, I'm going to be taking care of you now.” The man spoke awkwardly, trailing off into silence and he fidgeted with his claws.

“If you don’t mind me asking: why me? Why are you doing this?” She asked. Her captor almost seemed nervous or uncomfortable in a way. It was strange.

“Well in your files I saw that you were also a heteromorph and thought we might get along. I’ve never had any siblings and wanted one so I picked you.” Spinner winced, when you say it out loud it sounds so bad. It sounds like he went shopping for a pet. It's not like that though he promises. It couldn't be. He would never do that.

“Oh…” While it is sad the young man never had any siblings of his own she can't stay here she has a family to go back to. Who is going to watch over her little brother and sister while her parents are working? Who is going to help her little brother with his homework? Who is going to take her little sister to her ballet lessons? She needs to find a way back to them.

“Anyway I left the room plain so you could decorate any way you want. I didn't know any of your preferences and didn't want to assume. We can order things together later if you'd like.” The man offered.

“Sure, kero.” The girl croaked moving her legs to rest under chin when she felt a strange tug. She lifted up the covers to see a padded cuff strapped to her ankle.

“Oh sorry about the leg. Shiggy and the others said it was mandatory to tie you guys down at first as a precaution.”

When he had first brought up the idea of taking a kid himself. The others had been very skeptical of his ability to take care of a child since they still thought of him as one. They lectured him about all the work and training that goes into having a child. And gave him a lot of advice that he is secretly going to ignore. He’s never been a fan of dehumanizing and demeaning behavior and would never do it to another person let alone to Asui. But they were very strict stating that if he did not follow their rules he was not going to be allowed to train the girl himself. So he decided he would follow them but just barely enough that he wasn't technically breaking any rules but also not being terrible to Asui.

“It’s…alright. kero” It's really not though. How is she going to escape with a chain constantly tying her down? She's not a powerhouse like Bakugo or Todoroki; she can't destroy the chain with her own power. She’ll just have to stay calm and wait for an opportunity to arise. Who knows how long that will take?

“I’ll take it off as soon as I can, I promise. I didn't want to restrain you in the first place but the others said it was necessary for me to do so or they would take over your training.” Spinner explained, emphasizing how much he did not want for that to happen.

The others tended to treat him kinda childishly and could be a bit overbearing. Probably because he joined when he was sixteen so they did help raise him a bit but they tended to treat him like a kid. If he was struggling with a task one of the others would always be happy to butt in and help him or do it for him. He did not want them touching his little sister. While he loves his family, their methods are harsh and borderline torturous. He does not want any of that near Asui.

“Can I be alone for a little bit? Please? Kero I’m still a bit tired from the sedative.” The girl lied, she just needed a moment to wrap her head around her current situation.

“Of course,” the man said as he walked toward the door before muttering a small “Welcome home.”

Huh she hadn’t expected him to actually say yes. Her captor is very strange.

=====

Over the next couple of days they settle into a sort of routine. Her day starts with her alarm going off at roughly around nine thirty each morning, signaling it's time to get up. She then either takes a morning bath in the huge bathtub, seriously it was like a pool, or spends time in the sauna hydrating her skin after hours of sleep. Spinner had said he had gotten it all specially made for her amphibian traits, so whenever she feels her skin drying out she can pop in and out of the water at ease. Then she gets changed into whatever she’d like. Since Spinner made sure the temperature of her room is always very warm even though it is winter she can wear a t-shirt and shorts if she’d like.

Then they have breakfast together and she does her online schooling. The man had told her that they have an actual school where all the kids they took will go once they are settled in. And that if it was up to him she would already be learning there but the others would be too suspicious of his training if he put her in school so soon. So for now she will be doing online learning until a believable amount of time has passed to convince the others she is fully trained. That was something she found quite odd about her captor. All her life she had assumed all villains were evil and found it easy to do evil things but Spinner doesn't seem to like to at all. In fact he’s very vocal about being against the behavior of the rest of his family. Despite kidnapping her and taking her away from her family he does not actually want to treat her badly. It hurt that she found it hard to hate the man. He wasn’t evil, he was just lonely and in search of companionship even if he went the wrong way about getting it.

After school she is allowed to do whatever she wants and if Spinner is not busy he’ll come over to hang out with her. They usually play video games together or bake something together. In the evening he lets her help make dinner most days since the young man is kind of a mess in the kitchen. He gave her lots of things to entertain herself with: a computer, tv, game consoles, a phone though it couldn't call anyone except the man himself. Despite having anything she could ever want she found herself longing for her real family more than anything.

The more time that went on with no chances to escape appearing the harder she found it to indulge in the man's whims. She wanted to get along with the man she really did. She honestly felt a little bad for him; the only reason he took her was because he was lacking connection with other heteromorphs. Which she could relate to up until UA she had been the only heteromorph in both her elementary and middle school.

She wanted to help him because at heart she is a kind person but it was hard to play and laugh along with someone who is holding you against your will. She wouldn't say she hated the man, he reminded her of her relationship with her little siblings except she’s the younger one this time. He was a nice caring older brother, it's just they aren't really family. This isn’t her home. He abducted her. He took her away from her siblings and parents. She just wanted to go home.

=====

As the weeks turned to months Spinner watched as his tadpole became more and more subdued. Whenever they spoke she sounded so sad and whenever he would check on her through the monitor when he was away she was always crying. He thought if he waited it out maybe it would get better but the longer she stayed here the more depressed she got. He thought she might be feeling a bit homesick, maybe UA had had better facilities that suited her amphibian needs he could copy. He decided to look into her past to see if there was anything he could do to maybe make her feel more at home.

Now he’ll admit his decision to adopt the girl was a spur of the moment kinda deal. He had been feeling lonely and saw her picture in the list of students and decided to pick her without researching her past. He had assumed she was just like him and that she probably came from a foster home like he did. He was so wrong, he thought as he stared horrified at the file.

He had made a mistake.

She’s not like him. She has a wonderful family with two mutant parents and two little siblings. He took her from them. His eyes filled with tears as he realized he was no better than the people that tried to buy him as a kid. He should have listened. He was not ready for a kid.

He had to make things right. He had to send her back even if it meant he would be alone again. Even if he loved his little sister. He had to let her go.

=====

Spinner paced around the room as he tried to hype himself up to talk to his family. He just knows they are never going to let him live this down. He’s going to be getting told I told you so by everyone for the rest of his foreseeable future. He honestly already knows how they are going to react to his request but he’s hoping for the best. His family are very serious when it comes to those they consider part of the family. Once you are in you aren't ever allowed to leave. But she hasn't been here for very long so maybe they won’t be too possessive.

Earlier he had asked Shiggy to call for a meeting so everyone could come listen to what he was going to announce. He didn't want any of them to assume Asui had escaped and have them drag her back to the mansion when he lets her go.

He felt like his nerves were connected to a live wire as he watched each member of his family walk through the door before seating themselves in the large sofas in the living room.

“So Spinner, what did you want to talk to us about?” Shigaraki asked, as the heir, all requests regarding his family have to go through him before they are finalized. A family is built upon order and it is his job to bring rules and structure to their home.

“Do you need help with Tsu-chan?!” Toga squealed hoping she could get a peak at the only other little girl in their family besides her and Ochaco of course. “Ooh pick me! Pick me!”

“Not quite. I wanted to ask if I could send Asui back to her family. I made a mistake bringing her here. She’s not happy and I don’t want to keep her somewhere she is miserable.” Spinner mumbled eyes falling to the ground not wanting to see the looks of disappointment he knew would be on their faces.

“You don't have to give her up just because she unhappy, dummy!” Toga giggled.

“Yeah we know an amazing doctor that can help with that if you’d like! He’ll make her brand spankin’ new, better than ever!” Twice added.

“Spinner dear, are you sure about this? We can always find a way to make her happy here.” Magne asked gently, concerned for both the young man and the girl.

“No thanks, I'd rather not keep her away from her loving family.” Spinner grimaced, he knew they would suggest something like that. Asui is not a pet, she will not be trained and conditioned to like something she does not. He won’t allow it.

“We are her family now” Keigo argued, mostly because he wanted to keep as many playmates as he could for his chicks. The more kids around the happier his babies will be.

“You can't just take our niece away from us. Give her away for all I care!” Twice shouted.

“We haven't even gotten to meet her yet!” Toga pouted.

“We could always just train her for you and give you the finished product. If you don’t want to see all the rough parts of training.” Dabi offered.

“Yeah I have time,” Hawks chirped.

“I’m always happy to help!” Mr Compress added.

“No! That's not what I want at all! You’re not listening!” Spinner shouted tears of frustration starting to accumulate in his red eyes. This meeting was not going at all how he planned.

“Alright settle down!” Tomura barked at the other member before continuing. “You guys know that Spinner has always been a bit softer than the rest of us. If this is what he wants then so be it.”

“Thank you Tomu,” Spinner answered, only mildly offended. He didn't think it was soft to not want to be a horrible person but whatever…

“How can I say no to my first little brother. I will allow this on the condition that she is monitored to make sure she won’t start up any trouble and sent through the rehabilitation program. She can complete it in her family home but she must do it like the rest of her classmates.” Tomura answered though he doubts she will be able to finish any of it before she is right back in their arms.

“That's fine I can send my guard to watch over her.” He should probably save the I don’t want to keep my guard conversation for next time considering how bad this went. For now he can send the red head away and pretend he doesn’t also belong to him.

“Anything else?” the pale haired man asked.

“No, that's all. Thanks again Tomura.” With that said the reptilian fled the room rushing back to his floor to make the preparations for Asui’s departure not hearing the conversation he left in his wake.

“Are we seriously just going to let him do this?” Dabi questioned his brother. In all his time staying with All for One and Tomura they have never just let anyone they consider family leave just like that.

“That girl is part of our family. We can't just let her go.” Mr.Compress argued.

“I don't want Tsu-chan to leave,” Toga whined.

“Spinner loves her like she’s his own. She can’t leave, he'll be heartbroken.” Magne added.

“He hasn't even put any real effort into training her.” Keigo pointed out.

“I know I've been watching him. He hasn't been listening to the rules we gave him. This whole situation is the result of that. This will be a lesson in itself. Once he lets the girl go she'll never come back willingly. He’ll have to resort to our methods and learn to listen properly to what we say to get her back.” Tomura explained. Family is forever you can never leave once you are a part of it. The girl will be back whether she and Spinner like it or not.

=====

Over the next couple of days the man dwelled on how to tell the girl the news without breaking down. He didn't want her to go but it's for the best. She actually has a family that loves her and must want her back. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves before he opened the door and walked to her room. He looked around the room for the girl only to spot a lump underneath a pile of blankets, gently moving up and down releasing a sniffle or hushed sob every few moments.

“Asui can you come out for a moment? We need to talk.” The girl remained a stubborn lump underneath the blankets.

“Come on tadpole, please?” he said resting his hand on the girl, “Alright you can stay where you are just listen.”

“I know you're sad, you're hurt, you hate it here and it's all my fault. If i hadn't selfishly decided to live out my fantasy of having a sibling this would have never happened. I’m so sorry Asui, I never meant to hurt you. I was reckless and stupid and didn't realize I was taking you away from your family.”

“Then why did you do it? Kero” The girl croaked, voice strained from her sobbing.

“I just wanted someone to understand me. I wanted to be close to someone else who knew what it was like to be treated like an animal. I didn't realize by taking you away against your will I was treating you like that.”

“Just leave me alone. I don't want your empty apologies.” The girl snapped; she was sick of this; she just wanted to go home.

“You can leave. I promise I won't stop you.”

“Just if you ever find it in your heart to forgive me. Which you don't have to forgive me. I know I was terrible to you. Just if you ever do please visit. I promise I won't try to keep you. We don’t have to be siblings. We can just be friends. Just…don't forget me please.” Spinner cried, despite his mistakes he really did come to love the girl like she was his own blood..

There was a long pause before the girl mumbled “Alright kero”.

And with that conversation over they started the process of moving her out and then in less than a day's time she was gone. He was alone again.

=====

Spinner hasn’t left his room in two months. The others come over every so often to try and cheer him up or offer solutions to his “problem” but he just ignores them. He deserves to be in pain, this is how Asui felt when she was here. Why should he get to be happy when he made her miserable?

He knows the others are going to start to get restless with him ignoring them but he doesn’t care. He doesn't want to see them or interact with their brainwashed pets. He doesn't care anymore, he just wants to be alone though he doubts his suffocating family will allow him.

He’s allowed one more month to mope before his family gets fed up and forces him out of his floor. He’s been forced to move into Magne’s floor so someone can watch over him and make sure he doesn't spiral. He continues to rot away in his new room despite his family's pestering.

Until one day Magne knocked on his door announcing that he had a visitor. He had initially been annoyed until he realized Magne would never refer to their family as a visitor and his family usually just barged into his space with no forewarning it had to be Asui. He ran out the door only to find a sickening imposter in her place.

“Hi Spinner-nii! I'm back to stay with you! I didn't like life on the outside and decided to come back home.” The girl spoke vibrantly but her eyes were foggy and glazed over like she wasn't quite all there. She had a couple of suitcases with her and a visibly uncomfortable Kirishima.

“What are you doing here?” He asked bewildered. The girl's tone and speech were completely different to what she used to sound like. It was off and almost robotic. This was not the tadpole he remembered.

“I couldn't stand being away from you. I hate the place you sent me to and the people that lived there. I wanted to come home with nii-san so here I am!” Asui pouted up at the man like she was taught.

He knows that's not true. The girl loved her family, especially her younger siblings. She would have never willingly left them behind like this. This has his family's “help” written all over it. For now he'll just swallow his pride and keep her until he can find a way to get her out. God this is all his fault if he had never put his mark on her she would have been able to live a happy normal life.

“I'm glad you're home,” The gecko man replied through gritted teeth and a tight smile.

I wish I never took you. I'm so sorry. I'll make this right, I promise. I’ll find a way to get you home…all of you.

Start/Previous/Next

#kidnapping #yandere #emotional manipulation #spinner mha #shuichi iguchi #tsuyu asui #lima syndrome #dehumanisation #discrimination #brainwashing #yandere league of villains #fairystar111

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satans-helper · 4 months

Text

Reaching for Stardust - Part XV

Read Looking for Space here / Playlists / Read RFS on wattpad

Word Count: ~3700

Warnings: none

Sorry for the delay, folks. I've been bopping between this series and my Sanny one and we're nearing the true climax of RFS, which has made me want to slow down posting a bit. The past few days have been very difficult and I will be struggling for a little while longer, so the next chapter may also be delayed. Thank you to those who are still reading along. I really hope you're enjoying this sequel <3

---

There was still so much to be jam-packed into the matter of what became just about a couple of months. No matter how much I ever tried to “relax” or slow down, it felt like there were still a hundred things I had to do. My focus was perpetually disconnected from work, although that felt more and more like a good thing–it was everything else besides work that solidified its importance. Namely family and friends, of course. Josh recovered completely, and quite quickly, from the little bout of pneumonia and then we were thrown into the midst of the couple’s shower. I discovered it really did involve being showered with gifts and with family being there, and I personally was spared from more sexual gag gifts and things that, generally, no parent or aunt or whoever needed to see. Josh and I could save all of those for ourselves.

Josh was the only boy–man, whatever. He would always be a boy to me, and I meant that with the utmost affection–there. We sat on the couch in my aunt’s living room, the female relative who had the most space for this flurry to take place. She was all decked out for Christmas, which was also right around the corner–a long, fluffy fake fir garland snaking around the white mantle with an array of shiny colored, round ornaments dotting it and reflecting in the mirror above it. Instead of any overhead or tableside lamps illuminating the event, we were all sitting and hovering in the glow of white Christmas lights wrapped around the mantle and strung over the windows, plus the white lights wrapped around the real pine tree in the corner between the windows that bounced off more glass ornaments. The scent of the tree was still strong with it being so fresh and I thought about how our woodsy lodge wedding would smell–hopefully a lot like that, I concluded, like sharp, cool pine and sap.

The mulled wine in my glass smelled excellent too, a warm, sweet contrast to the Christmas tree. I took a sip, a slice of orange bobbing against my upper lip, while Josh opened what felt like the hundredth gift. I had no idea where we were going to put some of this stuff. My aunt had given us a really nice looking toaster–sleek and white, brand new and shiny–but we already had a toaster. We’d been given a new coffee machine too, and it made me question if being an adult meant just tossing out old stuff and replacing them–sometimes unnecessarily–with shiny new toys. But as the unwrapping and revealing went on, the gifts got smaller and more personal, truly beginning with something special my mom had picked out for Josh.

“Oh wow, this is lovely,” he remarked, peeling the blue tissue paper away. “I’m stunned. Thank you so much.” He lifted up a white silk robe monogrammed with a gold “J” on the back. It was a small and tasteful touch, not a garish, giant letter smacked on the back, but just a subtle detail right below the back of the collar and then another on the front, stitched into the breast pocket. His hands moved over the fabric slowly, always wanting the most tactile experience–he cared about material far more than color most of the time, craving rich and fine fabrics against his skin.

My mom handed me a box that matched the shape of Josh’s next: “And this one's for you; you might be able to guess what it is.”

I certainly could, but actually seeing and feeling the coordinating black silk robe with my own silver initial monogrammed was a delight. “These are awesome,” I said. “Thanks, Mom. We needed new robes anyway, actually.”

“Yes, we did,” Josh agreed, carefully folding it up and tucking it back into the box. “Mine is unraveling into shreds.”

My sister’s gift came next–a beautiful black and midnight blue photo album, the black bottom fading up into a blue with tiny silver stars stitched into the canvas. In more silver thread it said, “To the Moon & Back” and, beneath that, it was finalized with our monogrammed initials. Josh and I leaned over it as I held it in my lap, mesmerized, and Kirsti told us that she’d already printed a few pictures and put them in to begin the album curation. I flipped to the first page and there we all were–Josh, myself, the boys, my sister, and all three sets of parents.

“This is so sweet,” I said, staring at that picture of all of us as one big happy family. “I love it so much. It’s perfect.”

After my aunt’s living room became full of torn-up wrapping paper, Josh and I took a breather on the back porch, drinking more wine and nibbling on crackers and cheese in the cold. A small layer of snow was stuck to the yard, the deck, the roof–the world was coated in it and the world was quiet. Bare trees held no birds, no wind whipped through the naked branches and there wasn’t even the sound of a single car rolling through the street out front.

“You know something?” I began and Josh looked at me, pausing, eyes bright, with a cracker between his lips. “None of our parents are divorced. Isn’t that pretty rare? Seems so against the odds.”

Josh chewed, swallowed, then dabbed his mouth with a napkin. “We have some excellent luck on our side then, perhaps. Our predecessors all succeeded–why can’t we?” He wrapped his arm around my waist. “Of course we will. It’s not even a question.”

“Soulmates,” I said, the puff of condensation from my breath covering the word with a little resolute cloud.

“Soulmates,” he echoed, squeezing my waist.

A little while later, Josh and I were pouring over some of the gifts again in front of the empty fireplace. My mom sat down on the arm of the couch next to me. “I know you two said you’re not really looking for houses at the moment,” she began, pulling out her phone. “But I saw one that I think would be really cute.”

“I mean, I think we’re open to it,” I said, looking at Josh, who nodded. “I did like the one I saw back in the spring. But it just wasn’t the right time. It sold, anyway.”

“Very quickly,” Josh added. “And for more than we could afford.”

“Well, look at this one.” My mom handed me her phone and folded her hands in her lap, watching me as I brought the phone between Josh and I. It looked nice from the outside, simple and cute, and it was in our price range at least according to Zillow, but it didn’t call to me. I could tell it didn’t call out to Josh either.

“I think we’re far more fixated on the honeymoon,” Josh told my mom. “We still haven’t figured out what to do and that’s where a good chunk of our savings will go.”

“Even with the help from you and Dad and Josh’s parents,” I added, handing the phone back. “I think maybe we’ve been so busy with the wedding planning, our brains haven’t had much of a chance to work out where we want to go or what we want to do.”

“We’re between something like a cabin in the woods. A nice little quiet retreat,” Josh explained, gesturing even more than usual with the aid of the wine buzz. “Or a hot, beachy getaway. It’s difficult to choose right now. The possibilities are sort of endless.”

“There’s no time constraint,” my mom reminded us. “Inspiration will strike you and you’ll figure it out.” She laid a hand on my shoulder. “I just know you two get a little cooped up in that apartment. If you want, we can always take the honeymoon money and put it into a house for you.”

It didn’t even feel that long ago that my mom was criticizing Josh, saying he wasn’t serious enough, thinking he was too silly. Now here she was, offering not only financial support but emotional support. Things really were all coming together. That, in addition to my own wine buzz, made my heart feel all warm and fuzzy.

Back home, I was fully sober and quite tired from the festivities. We unloaded the car and set boxes and bags in the hall and the living room and our space suddenly seemed so much smaller. It got me thinking–did we want a destination honeymoon, really? Did we want it to be something we’ve done before, like a winter cabin or a sandy beach, or something completely new? There were cities we’d never been to. We could go to Europe–maybe. That seemed expensive. Vegas, even. Seattle. There were options. Or did we want our funds and the financial help from family to be put into a house and, subsequently, would that new life project become the honeymoon itself?

“Alright,” I said, sitting down on the floor amidst the gifts. “I’m getting stressed out again.”

Josh sat down next to me, pressing his back against the couch. “By all this new stuff?”

“There’s that. There’s also all the decisions we have left to make.” I scooched back to sit right next to him, our legs touching. “Part of me feels like we really do deserve a break. Part of me also feels like we deserve a house, but then I know we haven’t even decided exactly where we want to live. Part of me also wants to say fuck it and just like, go on tour with the boys for six months or whatever.”

Josh chuckled, putting his hand on my thigh. “If we could both swing that, we would do it. As for moving somewhere else, like to the big city,” he said, waving his other hand around with each word. “That would probably take more time. I’d have to secure another job.”

“You could become the band’s professional photographer and videographer,” I suggested, only partially kidding.

“Let’s go to the desert,” Josh said suddenly, sounding sure and emphatic. “We have so much winter every year and especially this year. We’ve never been to the Southwest–what do you think? Cacti and scorpions and scalding sunshine?”

I’d written about the desert before for work–scanned images of flat banks of red sand with impossibly clear blue skies, the sky a backdrop to sudden, staggering, rocky mountains, giant cacti looming menacingly in the foreground, rattlesnakes and desolate highways leading to mayhem. I could picture Josh and I there. It would be like an entirely different world.

“Yeah. I’m into it,” I told him before I allowed my thoughts to unravel any further. I rested my head on his shoulder, looking out the window at the sky that was too dark, too early and the snow clinging to the glass. “Desert daydream. That’d be really fun.”

He climbed right over me, straddling my thighs. “Really?”

Hands instantly moving to his hips, I said, “Hell yeah. That’d be so cool, Josh. I was just thinking earlier how maybe we should do something totally different, right?”

Josh placed his hands on my shoulders, arching his back. “We can be cowboys–what do you think of that?”

I smiled, reaching one hand up to gently tug at his hair. “I love that. You’re gonna look so good in a cowboy hat and those fancy boots.” My other hand drifted to his ass, giving it a squeeze. “Want me to be your horse?”

He laughed, the sound like bells in my ears, and kissed my cheek. “You’re my partner,” he said, then lifted his hand to tip an imaginary hat on his head. “Howdy.”

I laughed too, hugging him closer to me. “Howdy right back at ya.” I closed my eyes and tucked my face against his neck, his hair brushing against my temple, my hands pressed flat against his upper back. “I know it’s almost all we do now–getting ready for all of it, making the plans–but sometimes I still can’t believe all of this is happening.”

“Same for me,” Josh said, reciprocating the hug in his own snug, determined style, like he never wanted us to be apart in any way. “It’s been a long and marvelous road. Some trouble along the way, of course, but we’ve just shown there’s nothing we can’t charge through. Always victorious, right, darling?”

“Always. Always, always.” I sighed, opening my eyes to peek at the gifts around us again. “So should we really get rid of our toaster? It’s been through so much alongside us.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure it’s choking to death with burnt bits we can’t get out,” Josh replied, eyelashes fluttering against my skin. “Perhaps we can give it a last hurrah with some cinnamon toast tonight but, yes, I think that new toaster was actually quite a poignant present.”

I hummed, closing my eyes again. “Cinnamon toast sounds good.” I gave him a squeeze before I patted his back. “If I could carry you to the kitchen, I would, but this horse just ain’t that strong.”

Josh chuckled sweetly and stood up, feet planted on either side of my thighs, to extend his hand down to me. I slid up in the scant space, our bodies still so close, and he twirled around to lead the way into the kitchen. Our too-small but lovely, comfortable kitchen, where he pulled out the old, tired toaster from its cabinet and began to cut thick slices of French bread. Another light snowfall was coming down outside, the fluffy flakes lit up by the lights outside our apartment, and I thought about how nice it would be to be spared from the inevitable upcoming storms that came with the dead of winter–those long, blue, dreary months that felt inescapable. Those months that dragged down even Josh. We could escape to bright sunshine and golden landscapes, bask in warmth on another adventure. The adventure that would punctuate the biggest adventure of them all, the adventure that would last a lifetime or, quite seriously, eternity.

With the night deep and dark, we laid in bed surrounded by the blue Christmas lights we’d both hung around the bedroom. I lifted my hand to my face, admiring my ring as it caught that artificial celestial glow: “You’re picking up your ring on Monday?” I asked Josh as I slid mine off to place on the bedside table.

“Yes indeed.” He rolled onto his side and snuggled into mine. “I think you’re going to like it.”

“I know I will,” I said, running my fingers down the chain around his neck. “It’s coming up real soon, Josh. Are you nervous?”

“A little. You know I’m going to be nothing but a bundle of nerves the day of.”

“Me too,” I said, thinking about the vows I was still working on. I felt so confident in every word so far, just not so confident in saying it amidst a large group of people. That fear still lingered, itched in my brain each time I went to work on them. “But it’s gonna be so good.”

“Oh,” Josh said, looking up at me, cheekbones cut with blue light. “It’s gonna be the best. We’re all going to have such a ball. We don’t have to worry about THAT.”

Forever feeling calm in his presence, his body so warm against mine, I asked, “Do we have to worry about anything at all?”

“Absolutely not,” Josh assured me, his voice getting a little rougher with sleepiness. “Never.”

And so I believed him.

I was, however, just a little worried about sledding. Although Sam had taken it upon himself to find the best, tallest, most majestic snow-covered hill for all of us to repeatedly slide down, the thick cove of trees down at the base seemed a little foreboding. Just far enough to be acceptable; just close enough to seem like a hazardous imposition. Even Danny, the birthday boy, eyed those trees warily as we all inspected the land from the top, bundled up as even more snow began to fall.

“Buckle up, buttercup,” Josh said, pressing a hand to my lower back. I could barely feel it through the thick layer of my coat. “It’s not like we haven’t done this a hundred times before.”

“That’s a little hyperbolic,” I replied, still gazing down the hill.

In honor of his birthday, we all came to the decision that Danny should ride with each one of us before deciding who was the best at steering the ship, so to speak. He hitched a ride with Jake first, who looked determined to make it the best sledding experience of Danny’s life. Josh and I readied ourselves in our own plastic sled while Sam took the far left, leaving Danny and Jake in the middle–the three of us held back to watch them go first, with Danny laughing loudly and joyfully as soon as Jake scooted forward, then shot right down at a high speed.

Josh and Sam shared a quick but poignant look at one another, then they were both kicking forward and we began to fly down the hill at the same time, me clutching Josh’s middle taut while he laughed wildly as if we were back on that tea cup ride and not flying down a frigid hill. I laughed too though, the slight rush of adrenaline quickly shooting up my spine, making me alert yet newly frivolous, and I laughed even more at Sam’s very focused, very serious facial expressions. He was seemingly doing everything in his power to navigate the sled like a ship, not like something that only had a rope handle and gravity to help it along its way.

At the base, Jake and Danny were already throwing snowballs at one another, red-faced and exhaling white clouds of breathless laughter. Sam immediately joined in and quickly opted to use Danny, the poor birthday boy, as a shield so he could try and pummel Jake. Never one to waiver in his loyalty to any of the Kiszkas, Danny settled for meeting them in the middle, throwing handfuls of snow at both of them while Josh gathered all three sleds in his hands.

“There will be more time for bruised faces later,” he declared, trudging back toward the upward slope. “Danny has yet to decide who’s the master–or mistress–of sledding.”

Danny and Josh went next; I rode down with Sam, who insisted that I take the lead so he could see what he was up against, although we both knew there would never be a contest. Sam was always going to be Danny’s number one whether it was in sledding, snowball fights, funneling beers, musical solos, inhaling dabs, whatever–they were two peas in a pod. I did not quite feel that way with Sam myself, who was all gangly, sharp limbs surrounding me in the literal plastic pod we were temporarily trapped in.

“God, your feet are like skis!” I remarked, grabbing the toe of his boot and jostling his foot around. “We should just slide down the hill on those with me on your back.”

“This is a more even weight distribution,” Sam replied, clapping me on the shoulders. “Now, come on–mush!”

“Alright, alright,” I grumbled, beginning to shove our way forward and then we were soaring, with Sam clinging to me and yipping in delight all the way down. We made it to the bottom before Josh and Danny but after Jake, who had to hop out of the way before I collided the sled right into his ankles.

Of course Danny declared Sam the best person to sled with, though there seemed to be no prize, unless we were all meant to count Danny throwing Sam over his shoulders and parading off into the pine trees as the prize. It was such a fun, easy birthday afternoon that I was sure none of us wanted to end–thankfully, we were all in the mood to keep things going beyond the long drive back to the more familiar plains of our hometown. We went back to the apartment to peel ourselves out of wet, clammy clothes and for boozy hot chocolates; we bundled in the spare, dry clothes Josh and I had to offer, nestled together under a couple throw blankets and sat on the balcony while the sun set in starkly warm hues contrasting against the blank white space beyond. The air was calm and still, not even all that cold–it helped that all of us were still recovering from so many excursions up that big hill.

I sipped my hot chocolate spiked with a generous amount of peppermint schnapps and looked over at Danny, who appeared to be totally content in this very quiet, relaxed mode. Sam was cuddled up against him, head on Danny’s shoulder, his face unusually sleepy while he cradled his own hot chocolate in his hands, Danny’s placed on his thigh in return. Josh, Jake and I were on the bench, with Josh in the middle. I realized it was one of those rare times that happens only once in a blue moon–where we were all together but no one was speaking a word and no one was bothered by it. We were as calm as the gently twinkling snow down on the ground, as placid as the imperceptibly moving clouds in the pink sky, yet as close and as comforted by one another as all coexisting animals were. I was always so unsure of what the future held–it didn’t matter how many things we planned, from every damn detail of a wedding to a honeymoon to everything in between. It was all still so uncertain but, as Josh had taught me time and time again, that was part of the beauty of it.

And one thing was certain, I concluded, pressing a kiss to Josh’s temple–all of us were a family and it would always be that way.

---

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