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streamingcolors-gvf · 8 months

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Skin Deep - Part 8

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x f!reader x Jake Kiszka

Word Count: 14k

A/N: This took forever. I’m so sorry, guys. I really struggled with repetition in this one so I apologize in advance for that. Hope y’all enjoy! (Also this is pretty filthy so 👀)

As always, I love and appreciate all the support and feedback ❤️

Special shoutout to my lovely girls Nessa and Hannah for carrying my ass through this chapter. I wouldn’t have been able to get it done without them.

Warnings: cursing, drug use (marijuana), smoking, angst, sexually explicit content - MINORS DNI! 18+ (oral f!receiving, oral m!receiving, unprotected penetrative sex, edging, dirty talk, breeding kink, public sex, somnophilia - scene has been edited out

Masterpost

“I think we need to have a serious conversation.”

You release your arms from him as if the surface of his skin is scorching hot to the touch. Your vision blurs, making it feel like you have blinders on — tunnel vision. The entire world you’ve been blissfully living in for the past hour shrinks to the size of his bedroom in a matter of seconds. That high, the euphoria, the oxytocin surging through your veins has been sucked away as soon as the words left his mouth. It tightens in your chest like a vice grip, turning your stomach sour with regret. You’re not sure what scares you more, him being upset with you, or your visceral reaction to it. With a flick of his lighter, he takes a heavy hit while you sit on the bed behind him still as a statue.

Things have been left unresolved since that afternoon at the tattoo shop, and sex clearly didn’t keep it swept under the rug for very long. This issue between the two of you weighs you down, keeping your body fused to the mattress.

“Okay,” you finally mutter out a meek response as he blows the cloud of smoke above his head. He stays silent for far too long, leaving you to stare at the muscles of his back — each petal of his inked mandala — contracting with each breath he takes.

His head falls from his tense shoulders, and he disrupts the uncomfortable quiet by sending his words to the floor between his feet, “Do you just want to fuck Jake?”

The distant sound of his voice causes the guilt to swell like an overinflated balloon in your chest. You haven’t done your best to convince him of different intentions, and while the question itself seems within reason given the circumstances, it takes you by surprise nonetheless. “What?”

A defeated sigh tumbles out from his chest before he answers you in a tightly wound tone, “If you don’t want to keep fooling around with me anymore, that’s okay.”

“No!” You blurt out, panicked that you’ve torched whatever this is and that all you’ll be left with is extinguished embers. “No. Wait…what?” You dip your knee into the mattress to move closer to him. You shake the thoughts swirling around in your head for a coherent explanation. “Listen, Josh, I’m sorry for how that went down in there. I didn’t think Jake was going to say all of that and—”

The razor-sharp edge to his voice cuts off your desperate rambling, “I didn’t fuck that woman.”

He’s slammed a proverbial door into your face. It causes you to shrink in on yourself, making you accept that you haven’t been fair to him. You haven’t been transparent, even if you don’t exactly know what you’re supposed to be honest about. Your voice weakens just merely above a whisper, “I know… I’m not sure why I said those things. I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t respond to your apology. Instead, he fiddles with the glass bowl of his bong, giving away that he’s just as anxious and uncomfortable. You dare another touch his back, but this time he relaxes to the feeling of your fingers. It’s the subtle reassurance you need for you to add, “I liked the flowers by the way.”

He peers over his shoulder enough to see you in his periphery. “You did?”

Your fingers slip into the fallen curls at the nape of his neck.“Yeah. They’re beautiful. I have them sitting on my table in my apartment.”

“I’m glad.” He smiles, but it fails in comparison to what it normally is. He stands and sets the glass piece on his dresser. There’s tension in his rigid movements like he has something else weighing on his mind.

You watch his unnatural demeanor, beckoning him to look into your eyes again. He avoids them by casting his own to the floor, making it feel as though you’re an intruder. It’s hard to ignore, like the grating hum of electricity through a poorly wired outlet. You decide to shimmy toward the side of the bed and ask, “Should I go?”

You mentally prepare yourself for his answer the best you can while he brings his gaze back to you. “No. I want you to stay.” The words are not as believable for you as they should be, and from the look on his face alone, he knows they’re not convincing enough either. Before you can make another move, he rushes to crawl back onto the bed to sit before you. “Really.”

He places a hand on your bare knee and that’s when you notice the red marks around his wrist from where the handcuffs rubbed his skin. You gasp, taking his hand to inspect them closer, “Oh my god, Josh! Are you okay?”

He glances down at them like you’re pointing it out to him for the first time. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

You rub your thumb over the tender skin apologetically. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put those on you.”

He laughs, giving you a sense of relief now that the tension is starting to finally break, “Don’t be sorry, baby. I liked it, actually.”

You quirk your brow. “You did?”

He watches you massage his wrist and shrugs, answering matter-of-factly, “Yeah, but I probably would have liked it a lot more if it was just the two of us.”

He slips his hand away from you only to lean forward into a kiss. You instinctively fall backward as he moves, laying across the pile of pillows at the head of the bed. “I’ll make a note of that.”

“Good. Add it to the list,” he hums, smiling into the kiss as his lips meet yours. His movements are soft and gentle — far more affectionate than the ones you had shared minutes prior.

Before the kiss has a chance to deepen, he breaks away to say, “Lay with me for a while.” There’s a vulnerability in his request that makes you ache from the need to comfort him. You answer by lifting your dress over your head and reaching out for him.

He lowers himself with your guiding pull until his head rests against your bare chest. You cradle him in your arms while he wraps his own around your waist. His body fits along yours seamlessly, and within seconds, his tight muscles begin to loosen. You lay in silence, listening to his rhythmic breaths as you draw shapes on his back with calming caresses of your fingertips.

Minutes go by, perhaps even hours without a single word spoken between you. Exhaustion is setting in and it doesn’t take long for the ever-changing patterns traced along the muscles of his shoulder to lull him to sleep. Soft snores flutter across your chest and as you run your fingernails lightly over his scalp, sleep coaxes you in as well.

The Sandman had been a little heavy-handed last night, keeping your eyes sealed with sleep. You exist within the realms of your dream and reality, lucid enough to be aware of Josh shifting his weight beside you. You don’t react to the dips of the mattress, letting the luxury cotton sheets swim across your naked skin as he settles between your legs.

You feel his warmth before his lips make contact with the top of your thigh. It’s a careful kiss, testing whether it's enough to wake you. You hum, permitting him to shower your legs with those barely-there kisses, so faint you wonder if you’re imagining them. That’s until he starts to suck his mark on the thin flesh of your inner thigh, dragging you into consciousness once again.

Your hips writhe as a sleepy groan rumbles in your throat. The tempting heat of his breath tickles you, making you spread yourself for him without a second thought.

You peek through your stubborn eyelids, mumbling while your eyes struggle to focus on him, “What are you doing?”

He answers you by licking a stripe up your pussy before sucking your clit into his mouth. The surprise of his pointed tongue and the strong suction jolts you awake. Before your vision has a chance to clear, you react by clamping your eyes shut in response. After hearing your hissed curses, he releases it, giggling against your throbbing skin, “Good morning, baby.”

The sleepy rasp of his voice drowns your self-control. You push out a forceful sigh as you fall back into the down-feather pillow, huffing sarcastically, “That’s one hell of a way to wake up.”

He chuckles to himself and skims his fingertips along your leg, giving you a few more kisses.“I’m sorry, would you like me to stop?”

The thought of him suddenly stopping is almost enough to cause panic in your lust-addled mind. You want it so bad you’re vibrating with anticipation. “Oh fuck, no. Please keep going.”

That cheekiness you’ve become well acquainted with reappears. He coos, close enough that the words flutter across your clit, “Do you need it, baby?”

The pet name has never sounded so sweet. You want to bask in it, clutch onto the way it bounces from his lips with your clenched fists. Your hips lift from the mattress in the blind search for his mouth. You find one of his hands resting on your stomach and grasp it with more strength than you intend. “Oh my god, yes. Just please don’t tease me, Josh.”

You claw at the sheets, wrinkling them by your sides to add emphasis to your plea. He smiles and brings himself even closer to you — less than an inch above you. His eyes fall, and as if he were sharing a secret, he whispers softly, “You like it when I spoil your little clit? Should I be nice to her?”

You respond with a whiny moan and reach for his head buried between your thighs. The tufts of his tangled curls act as reigns between your fingers. You pull him forward by their roots, guiding his mouth back to you. You brace yourself, expecting the same intensity as before, but all you feel is the blooming warmth of his mouth. It blankets you as his tongue pets your clit, lapping across the swollen bud with the slightest pressure. He gives just enough for you to notice the cold metal ball of his piercing teasing you with every roll.

He breathes you in, and licks his lips through a low groan, “Fuck, you taste so good.”

You mumble something, but it's incoherent. You’re too lost in the feeling of his lips sealing around your clit to even bother repeating yourself. He just goes on to create the perfect vacuum with his flattened tongue. He holds it there, babying the most sensitive part of you in the safety of his mouth — as if it was made solely to pleasure you.

It’s decadent — this feeling. Like that extra slice of chocolate cake eaten at some late hour of the night barefoot in your kitchen. It’s rich and heavenly, flooding your brain with oxytocin. He’s unlike any partner you’ve experienced, and it would be borderline insulting to even compare. There’s not a hint of obligation in sight. What he’s giving you is pure adoration. Unabashed, selfless worship. He’s taking his time, not even rushing a single second with you.

He’s making sure you feel. He’s learning your body more and more with each passing minute, maybe knowing you better than you know yourself. Like magic, the slow-building orgasm churns wildly in the depths of your belly. Only for it to be disrupted by him suddenly lifting his head, breaking the seal. “I want us to do something today.”

Your mouth is bone-dry, causing you to stutter, “W-what?”

He shifts his weight between your legs, propping himself on an elbow. Before you can complain out of frustration, he asks nonchalantly, “Where do you want to go?”

Your mind is too busy reeling trying to process the casual tone of his voice to think about an itinerary for the day. He doesn’t seem to mind your pause and waits patiently for an answer with a smile on his face. After a huff and a roll of your eyes, you throw your head back and comb your fingers through your hair. “Fuck. I dunno, Josh. I think I work today.”

His response is mumbled through the kisses to the inside of your leg. “Then call off. You can do that, can’t you?”

The trail of his tongue and the teasing nips of his teeth distract you. Just like that fateful afternoon the day you first met at the shop, he’s able to convince you of anything he desires. “Yeah…yeah. I think so.”

“Good.” His middle finger slips through your folds — rewarding you. He’s playing, exploring the intricate details of your body to see your reactions in real-time. He watches your hips lift off the bed from the feather-light touch, how your chest rises and falls with each panting breath, to the changing expressions on your face. With his hooded eyes completely transfixed between your legs, he asks, “How about we take some edibles and go to the aquarium today?”

Despite the overwhelming urge to close your eyes, you fight to keep them open. He’s breathtaking, so effortlessly beautiful soaking in the filtered morning sun. You doubt the fact he’s real like he’s a still from a movie that’s been locked away in a memory until now. There’s a fear that if you blink, he might disappear and you’ll wake up from this perfect dream.

You’re determined to capture the sight of him — a moment so natural it makes your heartache. The dark shadow of stubble growing back where his mustache draws your attention down to his kissable lips. They’re flushed bright pink, glossy with your wetness.

He swipes his thumb across your clit, watching how your body spasms at the feeling. You hum, finally allowing your eyes to close, “Mmhmm.”

His voice floats across the tides of your conscience, “Are you listening, baby?”

“Yeah,” you answer back through an airy sigh. In reality, you’re not convinced you even heard him correctly. The words evaporated into the air between you. They don’t matter in the slightest, he could suggest anything to you if it meant that he would make you finish.

He kisses your inner thigh before dragging the tip of his tongue higher up. “How does that sound?”

The kitten-licks along the crook of your leg make you choke on a breath, “S-sure.” He giggles at the broken sound, burying his laughter as he searches for your clit. “We can go look at some fish — ah fuck!”

He swirls his tongue, coaxing your orgasm into the refuge that is his mouth. You find his hand gripped across your hip. The contact serves as a substitute for the spoken words that are failing to form, touching praise that tells him you’re right on the cusp of your release. You feel across the dips and contours of his knuckles, tracing along the soft planes of each finger grasped onto the supple flesh of your waist.

If you were aware of your surroundings, you would notice his hips grinding into the mattress for friction knowing he could’ve easily added his fingers and made you climax minutes ago out of impatience. The whine laced within the ragged breath is the only indicator that he’s just as desperate as you. “Are you close, baby?”

You moan loud enough for the sound to pierce through the thin walls of their house. If Jake was here, there’s no question that he heard you. However, the thought of the confrontation he’ll have with you is fleeting. Josh, still hell-bent on maintaining the resemblance of a conversation, asks you, “What do you want to see the most?”

“Josh,” you groan, swallowing harshly to wet your parched tongue.

“Yeah?”

“Please shut up.”

He smiles, pressing the sharp edge of his teeth against your clit. As much as he loves to tease you, the urgency in your tone is enough to flip the last switch. The lazy movements are abandoned, replaced with the rapid flicks of his tongue.

“Holy sh-shit!” You cry out, clawing at his hands that are latched around your legs. Every muscle in your body tightens like an over-spun coil ready to snap any second. You fall past the tipping point as he drenches you in intoxicating bliss like you’ve been submerged in a warm bath.

He brings you down carefully, licking and kissing until your legs start to shake from overstimulation. Peaceful silence falls between you as your breathing calms and your heart rate returns to normal within a few minutes. You expect him to crawl up your body and slip himself inside you, but he doesn’t.

He lifts himself from the bed, throws the duvet off to the side, and stands to his feet. His nakedness sends your eyes to his obviously-hard cock bouncing against his belly as he moves. He catches you staring, and the confusion painted on your face.

You’re completely dumbfounded, as Josh doesn’t strike you as the type to pass on the opportunity for sex. The strange behavior might have made you question things normally, but the certain glint in his eyes tells you something is brewing in that brain of his.

A tiny smirk forms on his face as he makes his way to the dresser, giving you a direct view of his ass. The way jiggles and bounces as he walks is enough to distract you momentarily. You know he’s doing it on purpose, and you hate the way you fall for it. He digs out his clothes from the drawers, tosses them onto the foot of the bed, and starts to get dressed in front of you.

You wish you had your phone to snap a picture of him, even for your own selfish reasons. The collection of vibrant tattoos flowing with the lean muscles of his body deserves to be admired. The dichotomy of wanting to appreciate his beauty while wanting to ravish his cock that’s twitching with the steady beat of his heart wrecks your brain.

Realizing that you’re gawking, he looks up and flashes you a full smile. “So I was thinking we could grab a coffee and some breakfast on the way. My treat.”

Stunned, you watch him pull his boxer briefs up his legs with his cock standing at attention more than ever. Your pussy throbs for him, craving the full feeling he gives you. Unbothered, he grabs himself with a firm hand and tucks it away into the confines of his underwear. The heather-gray fabric does little to conceal it, taunting you with the prominent outline.

“Uh…about that,” You begin just as he slips on a pair of jeans that does nothing but hug his crotch in all the right places. It takes every ounce of energy for you to look away. “I need to stop by my apartment today. I have to check on my cat and get some clothes.”

He pauses with his t-shirt in hand. “You have a cat?” After seeing you nod, he scoffs in disbelief, “How did I not know that?”

You sit up, snorting a laugh as you scoot to the edge of the bed. “I don’t think we’ve spent our time actually getting to know each other.”

“Hmm,” he hums, making his way toward you. He steps between your legs and leans until he’s just about eye level. “I beg to differ. I think I’m getting to know you very well.”

You peer up, hoping not to fall headfirst into those amber irises. “So well in fact that you didn’t even know I had a cat.”

“Hey,” he scolds playfully while tipping your chin up with a finger and lowering himself even farther so his lips hover above yours. “In my defense, I was a little busy getting to know another kitty of yours.”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” you huff, but he catches the back of your neck before you can pull away.

He nips at the spot below your ear, making you suck in a breath.“Utterly moronic.” You whimper at the silken quality of his voice. “Now get dressed, baby.”

You want to tug him close by the collar of his white t-shirt and kiss him. Lost in the sheets until the sun sets again, but he straightens, breaking the hold you have on him.

He finishes getting ready while you dress and gather your belongings around him. You take a chance opening the door to his bedroom to see that Jake’s wide open. He’s nowhere to be found, but you spot your overnight bag sitting on top of his bed, reminding you how things were left off with him.

You walk into his room, taking cautious steps toward the enormous four-post bed. Once you’re a few feet from it, you see a garment wrapped in a plastic covering beside your bag. You recognize it immediately. It’s the dress you wore to your tattoo appointment with Jake, dry-cleaned and laid out neatly for you.

You’re not sure what to make of the gesture. It’s a level of care and detail that you weren’t expecting from him. It leaves you confused more than anything. There’s no note with your things, and a glance at your phone screen shows no messages from him.

You hear Josh’s footsteps approach before he knocks against the door frame and calls into the room, “You ready?”

“Yeah, I think so.” You snatch your bag from the bed and head toward him, leaving the dress behind.

He ushers you out of the front door of the house, locking it behind you once you step to the side. You follow him down the stairs, along the concrete path, and to the driveway where his beloved Camry sits.

Up close, and now that you’re paying close attention to it, you can see the evidence left by the years from a type of tough love that would blur the line of abuse. The car has stood up to the test of time, proudly wearing every scratch along the chipped red paint and every dent punched into its exterior.

As you walk around its battered hood, you note the metallic blue fender piece around the front passenger wheel well. You smile to yourself, as it's not a surprise that he’s the type of person to barely care if there was a fender attached at all.

You imagine each point of damage created by teenage Josh — each mark having its own ridiculous story for him to share with you one day.

You also know that there’s a strong likelihood that some of these could have been made within the week. The thought of it causes a giggle to break free, “How old is this thing?”

He chuckles, manually unlocking the driver-side door with the key. “It’s an ‘03.”

You wait as he slides into his seat, expecting him to hit the unlock button on the inside of his door. He stretches across the passenger seat and pulls up the locking mechanism.

You pop the handle, pleasantly surprised that it opens with ease, and peek inside. A pile of old cassette and CD cases litter the floor of the front seat. Layers of stickers that probably span over the years cover nearly every square inch of the plastic beige dash. The worn upholstery seats have been mended by hand and stitched back together in a rainbow of threads. Upon further inspection, you notice the tiny, circular cigarette burns that haven't earned their own patch. “Don’t you think it’s time for a new car?”

While you throw your bag into the backseat, he turns the key in the ignition. The idling engine emphasizes his answer. “Why? This baby runs perfectly fine.”

You scoff a laugh, “Josh. Your side view mirror is held on by duct tape and a prayer.”

“Hey!” He wags a pointed finger with his quirked brow before patting the center of the dash affectionately. “There’s nothing duct tape can’t fix. It hasn’t failed me yet.”

You glance over at him, watching him lift his ass from the seat so he can empty his pockets.“How much shit in this car is held together by duct tape?”

He bites back a smile, tossing his pack of cigarettes onto the dash, and sets his phone in the center console. After putting the car in reverse, he holds your headrest to look behind him, but his gaze lingers on you. “Do you want the real answer to that?”

“It might be better if I don’t know.”

Music plays through the speakers just low enough that the lack of conversation becomes noticeable. You’ve tried to distract yourself, but the plastic army men superglued to his dash can only keep your pestering thoughts from wandering for so long.

He appears anxious, picking aimlessly at the woven steering wheel cover and bouncing a knee for the last few miles. After stopping at the next red light, he finally reaches for his pack of cigarettes resting on the center of the dash. With his free hand, he flips the top and pulls one out with his lips before tossing it back. Your eyes follow the bent pack of Marlboro Lights sliding into the corner of the windshield. After rolling his window down and using his knees to steer, he lights the cigarette and pulls a heavy drag. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

He glances over at you and takes a steadying breath. “I know I said we should have a serious talk last night, and well, we didn’t do as much talking as we probably should have.”

His anxiety becomes contagious, infecting you in an instant. You stiffen, taking cautious verbal steps, “Okay. What did you want to talk about?”

Noticing your sudden change, he reaches out and gives your knee a reassuring squeeze. “Relax, baby. Everything is okay. I promise.”

“But something is still bothering you.”

You study his expressions and body language. He’s hesitant, thinking over each word carefully. The sigh he releases and the way he’s rubbing his thumb across his bottom lip makes your chest tighten. “I want you to know that I’m not trying to fuck around.” He quickly clears his throat to clarify his thoughts, “I mean, I’m not really looking to hook up with other people. And…and I think I wanted you to know that I’m just about you right now.”

You don’t answer him right away, letting each word replay in your head over and over. It takes a moment to process, deciphering what he’s truly saying past the surface level. You question if this is a conversation about exclusivity and the implications that go with it. He hasn’t looked back at you yet since he’s spoken, keeping his focus locked on the road.

“Josh?”

Your voice breaks his attention long enough for him to glance over at you. “Yeah?”

“Are you trying to say that you want me to stop sleeping with Jake?”

You try not to think about how much the proposition affects you because deep down you know the feeling will act as a stubborn stain on your heart that will never wash out no matter how much you try. You’ve thrown it out into the open and there’s no reeling it back in. It settles between you, more so than the iron weight in the pit of your stomach. You have to acknowledge your hypocrisy when you stood there in their driveway, holding your ground about not wanting to create jealousy between them.

He winces as he takes another drag, pushing out the question through the blown smoke, “Do you want to stop sleeping with Jake?”

You’re quick to snap back, “Don’t dodge my question.”

“I’m not,” he huffs defensively. “Look, I’ll be the first person to admit that our situation is…less than conventional. But I like you. I hope that’s obvious.” A smile breaks through the last part, but the expression stays controlled. “All I’m worried about is you being happy and comfortable. Knowing that you’re having fun, but I don’t have any expectations, okay?”

He waits for your nod before continuing to talk. “If having fun for you is hooking up with me, or with the both of us like we’ve been doing, or even if you just want to be with Jake… that’s okay too.”

Before you can open your mouth to reassure him, he adds, “It will be a bummer, but I’ll accept that.”

The pained flick of his thumb across the filter of his cigarette reveals more of his emotions than his chosen words. His exterior is calm and collected — an undeniable contrast to the outburst in the shop office. Out of the corner of your eye, you see how close you’re getting to your apartment building, and the last thing you want is to leave things off on a bad note. “You know I still want to sleep with you, right?”

His shoulders immediately relax and his face lights up as soon as the words leave your lips. That reserved smile blossoms into a full grin. “I might have had a feeling.”

As much as the sight gives you that fuzzy feeling, there’s still a tinge of embarrassment that you’re not handling this as well as you should be, making you confess, “This is new for me.”

Josh’s hand wraps around your thigh once more. “Me too. But we’ll figure it out.” His fingers and thumb begin to knead small circles into the bare skin. The touch is electric, sparking desire like lightning between your legs. “One last thing though. Can you just tell me you’re mad at me next time? I don’t know if I can handle much more of you fucking him to get back at me.”

Despite ending the last sentence with a laugh, it’s not because he finds it humorous. Guilt resurfaces, revealing your immaturity over the last week. You knew that’s how he felt, but to hear him say it acts like salt to the wound. You play it off, throwing in a touch of sarcasm. “So honest and open communication about my feelings?”

He bites at his lip before giving you that smile of his.“Crazy, I know.”

“I’ll try.”

Josh parks behind your apartment building in your designated space. To your relief, your roommate’s car is missing from its spot, giving you the clear to bring him up without having to deal with an awkward introduction. Before you can unbuckle your seatbelt, he snatches your bag from the backseat and slings it over his shoulder as he makes his way out of the car.

He follows you through the narrow alleyway toward the front door of the building, causing a new, unfamiliar feeling to brew in your chest. In the past, bringing people back to your place has always been a rare thing, especially in broad daylight. You’ve found that you’re more comfortable at their house, coming and going on your terms. Now with him, a half-step behind you, seconds away from your door, is starting to feel like this is developing past the casual hookup phase and you’re not entirely sure where to place that idea in your brain.

You unlock the heavy door and give it a strong push to break the seal of old paint that keeps it stuck within its frame during warmer months. Since it’s an older building, the musty air sticks to your lungs as you ascend the staircase.

“How long have you lived here?” Josh sparks small talk from behind you.

You keep your voice quiet to keep the sound from traveling into the other apartments. “About three years. It’s not quite up to code but the rent is cheap and my landlord is super cool so I can’t complain.”

Josh chuckles, “You know what they say, ‘A little asbestos builds character’.”

You laugh at his joke, stopping on the landing to search for your apartment key on the metal ring. “Can’t be much worse than all the cigarettes you smoke.”

He steps in front of you and blushes, releasing the strained breath he’s been holding in. “Hey, I’m trying to quit.”

You take the next set of stairs while throwing the bratty remark over your shoulder. “Oh? How’s that going by the way?”

Sarcasm seeps into his tone, making him exhale with a dramatic wheeze, “Fantastic. Can’t you tell?”

As soon as you’re standing in front of your door, a sudden wave of anxiety washes over you. This is the first time he’s going to see your place — a part of you that’s remained a mystery to him until now. Accepting that there’s no turning back, you turn the key in the lock, praying that nothing embarrassing has been left in plain sight.

“Well, this is it,” you announce into the empty apartment with open arms.

You drop your keys onto the side table while he walks in and shuts the door behind him. After sliding your bag off his shoulder and resting it on a nearby chair, his eyes scan over the quaint living room. “Wow. It’s quite cozy in here.”

Thankfully, your roommate had kept the place pretty tidy overnight. Crocheted throw pillows are propped up nicely, a folded blanket is draped over the back of the couch, and stacks of books and an unfinished puzzle sit on the vintage oak coffee table. The late morning light casts through the large plate glass windows, giving your family of houseplants their daily dose of sun.

The commotion wakes your sleeping cat, making him lift his head from his spot on the couch and give you both a welcoming chirp. With a childlike wonder, Josh beams with excitement, calling out in a soft voice, “Hey buddy!”

He slowly drops to a squatting position and holds out his hand. “Pspspsps.”

You stand back, pleasantly surprised that Josh can gain his trust so easily. The orange tabby does his post-nap stretch before jumping off the couch with a thud, landing on all four paws. He trots over, causing his low belly to swing with his stride, and rubs his face into Josh’s open palm. “What’s your name?”

Not knowing what his reaction will be, you answer sheepishly, “Tater tot.”

Josh throws his head back and lets out a loud cackle, filling the quiet room with his vibrant energy. “Tater tot. I fucking love that.” He scratches under the cat’s chin, earning himself a purr. “You kind of look like a tater tot, don’t you?”

You move through the living room, placing your stuff down as you reminisce over the distant memory. “I found him by the dumpster at work when he was just a tiny kitten. Poor guy was covered in fleas and so hungry that he ate tater tots that I had with my lunch right out of my hand. And the name just stuck ever since.”

He gives your cat’s rotund frame an affectionate pat. “What a cool dude.”

You linger for a few beats of time until you clear your throat. “I’m gonna go get ready. You okay out here with him?”

He makes himself at home on the lounge chair next to your couch and releases a comfortable sigh, “Take your time, baby. Ol’ Tater and I will catch up.”

You rush back to your bathroom and freshen up as quickly as you can. Not long after you left the twins’ house, you texted Katie about covering your shift this afternoon. Thankfully, she was able to without much of a battle, leaving your day wide open to spend with Josh.

After applying some makeup and doing your hair in a simple style, you repack your overnight bag and look for an outfit to change into. You pick out a simple, linen sundress from your closet that’s going to be comfortable enough for you to walk around in.

Josh doesn’t hear you come back into the living room, and keeps his back turned. In your short absence, he has scooped your cat up into his arms and started rocking him like a newborn baby. He hums a song that’s stuck in his head while pacing around the space, studying the art, little thrifted trinkets, and knick-knacks to the collection of books sitting on the shelf. You watch from the edge of the hallway, noticing how well he seems to fit in here — like he’s meshing seamlessly with your existing life.

The romantic in you pines for a different reality, because at this moment, seeing the peaceful innocence makes you wish that he had asked you out on a proper date the first day you met. That way, you could have gotten to know him under different circumstances. After weeks of dating, you could’ve introduced him to friends, maybe even brought him to meet your nightmare parents.

But the way things are with him seems as though it’s far too good to be true — an exciting fling that’s destined to fizzle out as soon as the summer ends. You’ve learned this lesson before. Don’t get too emotionally invested in a guy like him.

Before getting swept away in the emotions of it like an incoming tide, you interrupt, “I’m shocked he let you pick him up like that. Usually, he hates being held.” Josh is startled by your voice, turning on his heels with the biggest smile on his face. “He must really like you.”

Your beloved cat continues to rub his face across Josh’s defined jaw, purring so loud that you can hear it from across the room. Proud that he’s won his affection, he can’t help but crack a joke, “What can I say…pussies love me.”

You groan with a dramatic roll of your eyes and walk to the door with your bag in hand. Josh laughs from behind you, only to be followed by the sound of Tater Tot’s paws returning to the wood floor. “What? What’d I say?”

You let the smile creep across your lips as you grab your purse and keys. “Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you at all?”

He hums in thought, standing behind you as he watches you lock the deadbolt. “It could be the big dick and the free weed.”

You scoff and turn to the stairs knowing that he’ll follow. Before you can take the first step, he reaches out and hooks your upper arm in his hand, tugging you close. “Hey.” He abandons the teasing banter, taking on a calm sincerity in his voice. “You look beautiful, baby. Thank you for spending the day with me.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You’re right. Those flowers do look great in your apartment.”

With the weight lifted between you, the drive to the aquarium was far more relaxed than the one on the way to your apartment. Like a road trip planned with your best friend, the miles fly by quicker than you thought. The last hour was spent laughing and playing music from the scattered tapes and CDs strewn across the car.

Josh chooses a parking deck close by, but because of it being in the center of the city, the first three floors are filled. He eventually finds a spot on the last level, kills the engine, and digs around for something in his backseat. He retrieves a small plastic container, pops the lid open, and offers you a red gummy placed in the center of his palm.

You giggle, plucking it from his open hand, “You’re such a bad influence.”

“The peer pressure must be killing you.” He teases, tossing back three into his mouth.

Even though you’ve already started chewing yours, you stare at him in disbelief and snatch the container from him. “How strong are these?”

He chuckles around his own gummies, answering before you have a chance to find it on the label. “They’re only twenty.”

Your eyes widen as you swallow down the THC-infused cherry-flavored juice. “Oh, great.”

He gives your hand a reassuring squeeze and places a sweet kiss on your cheek. “Relax. You’re going to be fine. I got you, baby.”

“I fucking hope so.”

You both make your way through the parking deck and out onto the street. It’s early afternoon, and the summer sun is at its highest point in the sky. Thankfully, the trek to the aquarium is roughly a ten-minute stroll. You follow behind him as he walks up to the ticket counter outside of the building.

“Hello,” Josh greets the employee behind the glass. An older woman looks up from her computer and stares blankly at him. He waits a few seconds for her response, but when she doesn’t, he adds, “Can I get two adult tickets, please?”

You catch her glare before she redirects her attention to her computer. “That’ll be $105.89.”

Josh fishes his wallet out of his back pocket, waving you off when you reach into your purse. “I got it, baby.” He pulls out a credit card and slides it across the metal counter through the opening of the glass window.

The woman's judgemental eyes lock onto his hands pushing the card toward her. You’re confused as to why until you realize that she’s staring at his finger tattoos. A look of disgust contorts her aged features as she reaches for it. You glance over at him, seeing the same friendly expression he’s been wearing despite this woman’s blatant rudeness toward him.

She inspects the card between her fingers and looks up at him. “I need your ID to verify this card.”

You cut in, showing your frustration, “Are you serious? Is that necessary?”

“It’s okay,” He mumbles softly, placating you while handing the employee his driver’s license. He manages to keep his discomfort contained and hidden beneath the surface. Anger ignites and burns like wildfire within your body, but you stay silent as the interaction plays out.

The old woman compares the names on the credit card and license in front of her before finalizing the payment. She reluctantly pushes both back to him, along with the receipt and printed tickets.“You know those things are permanent, young man.”

Josh forces out an awkward laugh as he slides both cards back into his wallet, “I would certainly hope so with how much I paid for them.”

Being in this employee’s presence makes your blood boil, and you can’t fathom spending another second in it. You hook your arm around his and usher him toward the entrance until you’re out of earshot. “What the fuck was that about?”

“What?”

You shuffle into the line and turn to him. “The ticket lady? She was so rude to you, Josh.” He doesn’t answer, but shrugs his shoulders, clearly not matching the same feelings you have about the ordeal. “Do people treat you like that a lot?”

“It happens. Sometimes you can’t change people who think like that.” There’s a hint of defeat in those words, a hidden sadness that he’s trying to mask. The experience knocks you down because you’ve only ever seen the art inked into his skin as beautiful. His brows pull together when he sees your frown and the hurt in your eyes. “What matters is that you think they’re cool, right?”

You blush instantly. “The coolest.”

“Fuck yeah. Now let’s go check out some fish.”

Another employee scans your tickets and points you in the direction of the main lobby. You let Josh take the lead, following the trail of painted blue arrows on the concrete floor to the closest exhibits.

Walking through the open space, the recognizable smell of seawater from the rows of tanks drifts along the air and into your senses. Since it’s the middle of the week, the crowds are smaller — just a few people passing by every couple of minutes.

You find yourselves before this massive tank that wraps around a circular shaped room. The serene ocean hues drench you in its blue light. As you read over the descriptions of the animals in each enclosure on the plaques, the edible you ate in the car starts to take effect on your body. You’re becoming highly aware of Josh standing beside you, and your focus moves to him. He’s taking it all in, admiring life’s simplest and more intricate details captured behind the wall of glass.

The calm silence is making it hard for you to concentrate on the animals. You’re becoming more restless only to feel his fingers brush against yours. It’s a testing touch before they weave tightly between them. It’s not much, but the public display of affection sends your heart racing.

You’ve been questioning whether or not this is a date, or if it’s simply friends hanging out together. Friends that happen to have the wildest sex you’ve ever experienced.

He points to a large fish swimming by, but you don’t catch any of the words he’s saying. The only thing you can focus on is the feeling of his warm fingers squeezing around yours from his excitement.

You stand like this for a while staring at all the sea life, but the way his thumb rubs against your hand keeps distracting you. “Josh?”

“Hmm?” He hums but keeps his gaze on the tank. His hazy eyes sparkle as they dance from fish to fish.

“Do you come here a lot?”

He snorts a breathy laugh, “No. Can you believe that? But I’m glad we did.”

“How come?”

The question finally causes him to break away and look directly at you. You want to kiss him, snuggle up in the comfort of his hoodie, and stay like that for hours. He smiles wide, bringing out the dimple on his left cheek. “I think we needed to get away from the bullshit for a while.”

“The bullshit?”

He lets go of your hand and steps closer to the glass, now a couple of inches away. “Yeah. It’s healthy to step back from all the chaos and connect with nature when you can. Forget our problems for the moment to remember how delicate and beautiful life is. That we are just one facet in the great cosmos.”

You lean in, whispering so others can’t hear, “How high are you?”

He giggles with a sigh, “Pretty high.” You pull him back by a handful of his sweatshirt, making him bump into you. “I’m serious though.”

Even with the closeness, he keeps his touches appropriate. You stretch on your toes and give him a soft peck on his lips. “I bet, but I wanna check out the sharks.”

You look for the shark exhibit, following the path of blue arrows through several escalators and moving walkways. Everything is going well, but the aquarium is far colder than you anticipated, and now you’re cursing at yourself for not bringing along a sweater like Josh.

Your violent shivers are too difficult to hide, and he’s quick to notice. He pulls off his hoodie and hands it over, “Here.”

“Thanks.”

Although the look of it over your sundress isn’t the best fashion statement, it’s the least of your worries. It envelops you like a comforting hug. You nuzzle into it while he looks away, breathing in the fabric that holds his scent — a calming mix of his cologne, and laundry detergent with the faint smell of cigarettes.

A few minutes pass as you navigate your way to see the sharks. He’s fidgety, rubbing up and down the length of his bare arms. He then hugs himself as if to hide the tattoos without much success. You’re undoubtedly high, which only makes you hyper-aware of his uneasiness.

Josh has been nothing but confident since the day you met him. He’s never faltered, acting like the tattoos were simply an extension of him. His restlessness — whether it’s weed-induced paranoia or tucked-away self-esteem issues, affects you greatly.

The behavior is unlike him, and you’re sensitive about it. He holds himself like you’ve stripped him bare and left him completely exposed for judging eyes. You’re not sure what to do other than gently pluck his fingers from his arm that has been pressing into the flesh so hard they’ve created indentations.

Your touch breaks the spell he’s in, making him swap hands with the one that is closest to you. He squeezes your fingers tightly and gives you a grateful smile as he whispers, “Thank you.”

You study the expression on his face, but his bloodshot eyes zero in on your moving lips. “You okay?”

He leads you in with his hand, closing the short distance between you. The kiss is deeper, and richer than previous ones today. Even with the tip of his tongue ghosting across your lips, it doesn’t feel sexual. He eventually pulls away, and happily sighs, “Much better.”

After leaving the aquarium, you must have walked around the city for hours. Hand-in-hand, swept away by each other’s presence. By the time you made it back to the deck, the sun had fully set in the sky. Once nearly full to capacity, the deck remains borderline desolate. A few vehicles are scattered amongst the first few floors, but as you climb to the fourth, you spot Josh’s Camry sitting alone.

Now that the euphoric buzz from your cherry-flavored gummy is starting to settle in your system, the desire to have him is so bad that the hour-long drive seems torturous to think about. Besides the few chaste kisses placed on your cheeks, and the one shared on the escalator, he has yet to kiss you today with the same passion you’re used to.

You’ve been craving those risky touches, the curious grazes of fingertips under the hemline of your dress. You wished for the lewd, sexual comments whispered against your ear when people were around. Those memories of his mouth roaming across your body have been invading your mind ever since you walked out their front door this morning. His undivided attention, the pin-you-against-the-wall kind of attention is what you’ve been wanting all day. You just never would have thought that him on his best behavior would drive you this mad.

If he feels the same way, he’s been hiding it better than you. Unbothered from the casual stroll to the car, the goofy grin plastered across his face, to the way he’s belting out random notes into the open space just to hear them echo back.

After both of you step into the car and get settled, he asks, “Do you wanna go to the bar?”

He pops open the lid of the center console and starts searching for a particular CD to play. As he roots around, you realize that looking at anything other than his lips proves to be a challenge you can’t overcome.

You forget to answer. He’s still rummaging around the junk crammed in the center console, but your silence makes him laugh, “Or should we head back to the house?”

You shift in your seat toward him, whispering, “Josh.”

“What’s up?” His eyes flick up, meeting yours.

While you’re not usually the one to make the first move, giving in to a temptation that’s been gnawing relentlessly for hours never felt so rewarding. Your lips crash against his, abrupt and unrestrained. Your kiss is heady, starving for even the faintest taste. Impatience doesn’t even begin to explain what you’re feeling. You take the initiative by licking into his parted mouth, searching and demanding for what’s been so out of reach.

He meets your tongue with his, greeting you with a matched passion. That subtle sweetness, the crisp bite of mint gum — it cuts out any forethought you might possess in an instant. You know you shouldn’t be doing this, venturing further with him when there’s a possibility that an onlooker can walk right on by. The risk of being caught becomes meaningless, lost in the orange glow of the outside lamps.

The hungry kiss might have been the end of this moment — left with a palmed breast and a few nips of teeth. The whine through a bated breath with the following moan tumbling right into your mouth changes everything. It’s what propels you forward over the console and onto his lap. The crawl to him is less than graceful with your clumsy limbs knocking into everything in your path.

As you struggle to get settled on his legs, he leans back against the headrest with open arms. He watches with a prideful smirk, confidently basking in the knowledge that you were the first to break. You’ve already braced yourself on his shoulders and started to grind your ass over the rough denim in hopes of catching his hard-on. Amused, he tilts his chin up, keeping his lips barely an inch from yours. “Hi.”

Breathless, you scold, “Shut up and kiss me.”

A deep exhale bellows from his chest while his hands knead the flesh of your thighs beneath the bunched-up fabric of your dress. He ignores your request, biting back the lip you so desperately want for yourself. Frustrated, you roll your hips in an attempt to send his open hands closer to your ass.

Your sense of control wavers with the whimper, “Josh, please.”

A curious hum resides in this throat and his fingertips ghost the delicate edge of your thong stretched across your hip. At this point, you would do anything to have him. That gummy from this afternoon fails in comparison to the drug that is him. You bury your face into the warmth of his neck, sucking at the tender skin below his jawline.

He giggles as if the feeling tickles and sends one hand up the length of your back instead of between your legs like you want.“What’s got you so worked up, baby?”

“You,” you mumble, tightening the hold you have on the nape of his neck as if you could somehow bring yourself closer. The tight space of the driver seat confines you, heightening every movement tenfold.

“Me?” The cockiness in his voice reminds you of Jake more than you’d like to admit, but the single word spoken into your temple makes you tremble. Driving yourself further into his groin, you end up clenching around nothing but the memory. “I got you so desperate that you can’t even wait until we got home?”

The hints of his erection, knowing that it’s there but hidden from your grasp destroy every facet of your self-control. He’s right. The thought of waiting for him is truly unbearable. You lean back on his legs, giving yourself the space to reach between you and find the button of his jeans. You’re able to pop it open before his hand clasps around your wrist, stopping you. “Baby, I’m shocked. I didn’t take you for the public sex type.”

“Are we going to fuck or not?” It was supposed to leave your lips with power but hit the air between you as a pathetic plea.

Just like the words acting as the ripcord to his own urges, he tears apart your thong between his hands in a swift pull. After hearing your stunned yelp, he bares his teeth to the vulnerable skin of your throat and lets a laugh flutter across your ear, “Oops.”

He flings your shredded panties somewhere into the backseat and cups the curve of your ass with a firm hand, lifting you enough so he can work himself out of the leg of his jeans. Unlike the teasing banter seconds before, he wastes no time dragging the head of cock through your wetness.

The way his teeth sink into the thin flesh covering your collarbone gives away how badly he wants this as well. After a less-than-gentle pass and in a single thrust, he pushes his entire length inside you.

“Oh fuck!” You cry out, the sound low and guttural. He stretches you and crashes into your cervix before you have a chance to adjust to his size. He keeps himself there, allowing the stinging pain to subside within seconds, replacing it with that addicting full feeling.

If you’re being honest with yourself, you welcome that pain — a reminder of how you’ve been acting lately. It should be no surprise how quickly your body remembers him despite how long it’s been since he’s been buried inside you.

He sighs into the hollow point of your neck, muttering the sweet confession, “I’ve missed this.”

You settle your weight on his lap, only allowing him to rock his hips in the seat. You tighten around him, soaking his cock in your pleasure. “I missed you, too.”

He stops moving to drink you in, kissing and licking a path along your shoulder. “Fuck, I love your pussy so much…best I’ve ever had.”

Your heart skips a beat from the thought alone, but you’re greedy for his praise. You push yourself back with your hands placed on his chest, giving yourself room to see his face. “The best, huh?”

That smug grin reappears while his heavy-lidded eyes drift slowly up to yours. You take in the details of his face, how the shadows accentuate his sharper features. “Yeah…would I lie to you?”

He flusters you, making your line of sight fall from his glazed eyes down to your restless hands. You watch yourself play with the fraying neckline of his t-shirt, asking, “Would you?”

He tips his chin, keeping his focus solely on your lips before bringing his own close enough to whisper, “Never.”

In a matter of seconds, his hands skim across the fabric of your dress to find the thin straps. Hooking them under his thumbs, he slips them down your arms, taking the front of your dress with them. In a frantic need, he yanks the cropped, black t-shirt you’ve been wearing under your dress up over your chest.

Now that it’s freed and exposed, he sucks your naked breast into his mouth and licks a broad stripe across your hardening nipple. You force yourself to look up to check if anyone is walking by, only to see that the windows are beginning to fog from the heat of your shared breaths. They’re clinging to every inch of your skin, causing a sheen of sweat to collect across your furrowed brow. And yet, a chill climbs up the length of your spine from his tongue rolling over your bare tits.

The uncomfortable position is posing a unique challenge for you both. Since both knees are wedged and starting to ache from plastic digging into your flesh, you’re unable to ride him the way you want. Josh, however, doesn’t let the restrictions of the Camry ruin the moment if he can help it. The moans tumbling from your lips act as his cue to wrap his arms around the small of your back, locking you in place.

It should’ve been a warning to you.

Something animalistic suddenly possesses him, shredding any remaining innocence. He snaps his hips up, thrusting into you with a strength you didn’t realize existed within him. He takes on all the work, holding you above him while you’re left to brace yourself in any way you can.

Pornographic sounds — sounds you wouldn’t dare make in the past break free from your chest. He’s thriving off them, knowing that if he was fucking you without these limitations you would be reduced to an even more pathetic, incoherent mess.

He’s not shy about making his own noises. His rumbled growl vibrates between your breasts. Primal grunts are trapped behind his clenched teeth. It could be because he’s out of breath or that he’s closer than he thought, but he starts to slow his pace, shifting to more of a grinding motion.

“Oh my god. You feel so fucking good,” You pant. Half-whines, half-barely recognizable curses fall from your open mouth. “Please, please, please.” You’re rambling, blurting out any broken, strung-together thought you can. “Josh…I… I…fuck—don’t stop. ”

His raspy laugh pushes through strained vocal cords, “I’m listening, baby.”

He tries to move and adjust to get a better position, sending the edge of the steering wheel into your lower back. “Ow!” You hiss, rubbing the spot with your fingers.

“Shit. Sorry, baby.” Although he gives you an apologetic look, you can’t help but giggle at his expense. He returns it, huffing, “Fuck it. Get in the backseat.”

Without more protest than a pained groan, you lift yourself off of his cock and stretch out your weak limbs before clambering over the center console into the backseat. You’re not forced to live with your awkward tumble into the seat for long. He quickly follows, climbing over with far more agility than you.

His twitching, glistening cock pulled out from his unbuttoned jeans, and those sweaty curls sticking to his forehead is a sight you’ll never forget. You watch him as he reaches into the front passenger seat for his sweatshirt. He balls it up and places it under your head as a makeshift pillow.

“Acting like you’ve done this before,” you tease, clutching the golden sun that hangs from his neck.

He laughs, lowering his head with your guiding hand. “I’ve had to get creative a time or two.”

“Such a slut.”

He places a kiss on your lips, mumbling, “Don’t forget…” He breaks away, taking the sloppy kisses along your jaw to your ear, making your stomach flip as if it were an Olympic gymnast. “You were the one that jumped me.”

He kneels on the seat, kicking your open legs with his knee while pushing your dress to your stomach. Taking his cock in his hand, he lets a trail of spit fall into himself. With a few pumps of his fist, he shudders out a heavy breath, “Do you have any idea how hard it was for me not to fuck you this morning?”

He lets the head of his lubed cock slide across your clit. You lift your hips, chasing him. “I wanted you so bad.”

He lines himself with your entrance and glides in effortlessly. The gratification it gives you is instant. He finds a rhythm and braces himself with each hand gripped onto your thighs. “I know, baby. Trust me. I’ve been thinking about you all week… I’m so addicted to you.”

You let him stare, watching how his eyes bounce with your moving tits down to his cock sliding in and out of your cunt. As much as you love it, you need him close. You have to feel his warmth and the weight of his body on top of you, have his scent fill your delirious brain, and have those sounds fan across the shell of your ear.

You find his wrist and tug him to you, gesturing for him to fall forward. He repositions and hitches your leg around his waist while planting his foot on the floor.

He slides an arm beneath you with his other hand gripping onto the cushion for balance. The change in angle makes him feel deeper than before. You hug him, silently pleading with him to stay. A satisfied pur echoes in his throat, transferring the sound to your wet lips pressed against his skin. “You want it, baby?”

You reply with a hushed whimper, hoping that he can hear, “I’m so close.”

He breathes you in and sends his voice directly into your ear. “I can’t wait to fill you up the way you deserve.” You didn’t understand how spoiled you have become until he deprived you of it. So much so that it had turned you into a creature of pure depravity. You clutch onto his damp t-shirt, wrinkling it in your fists across his back.

“Please, Josh. I need it,” you choke out in a pitiful sob.

He comforts you with a reassuring shush, brushing the tacky hair from your temple. “Look at you. So perfect. Begging for my cum like a good girl.”

His cock slips inside your pussy with a taunting drag. He talks to you, peppering the words with a sweep of his lips across your cheek, “You’re gonna be so full of me, swollen and beautiful.” Being vocal with you is nothing new, but tonight he can’t seem to hold himself back. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.”

You say his name over and over like a mantra.

“Fuck, baby,” he groans through a deliberate roll of his hips that pushes the head of his cock against your g-spot. “If you weren’t on birth control I swear I’d get you pregnant so fucking fast.”

He says it with such conviction making you think that it’s not something he accidentally blurted out in the moment. It shocks you into silence at first. The incredibly slim possibility has never been brought to your attention before now. It’s a thought that should scare the shit out of you, but somehow it doesn’t. If anything, it nearly sends you crashing over the edge.

He lifts his head to look into your eyes, searching for your thoughts within them. “You like that idea? Me filling up your pretty pussy and getting you knocked up?”

You nod and smile at him— albeit a fucked out one. Maybe you’re too afraid to say the full confession, so you only respond with a hum, “Mmhmm.”

He kisses you, slipping his tongue over yours like an expertly-timed dance. A teasing flick of it followed by a nip to your bottom lip transforms you into a puddle beneath him. “Just say the words, sweetheart.”

“I…I…” You start to stammer before eventually stopping yourself. You know that there’s not a chance in hell you’ll be able to come up with anything coherent for him.

He draws the pad of his thumb across your chin while continuing to talk through his languid thrusts, “You’d be breathtaking. Belly round with my baby… those perfect tits of yours filled with milk. Fuck. I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you.”

The fantasy he paints for you overrides your mind. You have to look away and blink back the tears clouding your vision. For a second, the only thing you can process is the view of the roof of his old Camry.

“I’m so close to cumming just thinking about it,” he admits, bringing his hand between your legs to find your clit. His lust-drugged fingers slip through your slick in the blind search until you jolt at the feeling. The heat of your building orgasm has been pooling between your legs and now you’re mere seconds away from plummeting right over the cliff. All you can do is accept fate as he circles the bundle of nerves with a gentle pressure.

He traces your favorite patterns while gracing your conscience with that sinful lilt of his, “One word and I’ll give it all to you.” He pushes you to the tipping point by matching the rhythm of his fingers with the glide of his cock. “If it were up to me, baby? I’d have you full and dripping with my cum every fucking day of the week.”

“Please.”

Right as you claw at his flexed shoulder blades and drive him deeper with your locked legs, he gives a final request after speaking your name, “Let me hear you. I deserve that, right?”

He does, and you’re beyond willing to give it all to him — the embarrassing groans ripping through your chest, the pitched whines and the delicate moans that chase them. Your walls flutter around his cock, tightening around him through your orgasm.

“You’re so perfect.” Is his final praise into the tacky skin on your neck. It leaves his lips through a faint whimper as you slowly milk him dry. As the warmth spill into you, he continues to gently fuck you through the waves of your release.

After slowing a stop and carefully withdrawing his softening cock, he breaks the hold you have on him by sitting back on his heels. Looking down at your pussy through drowsy lids, he sweeps his middle finger through your slit and brings them to his mouth. You watch in awe as he passes it over his flattened tongue to lick them clean.

“You look so fucking hot,” he mutters with a ragged breath. Even though the words are crass, stripped of anything remotely poetic, they’re honest. He glances up, sending you a wink. “Better keep all of it in until we get back.”

You wish you could lay in his bed with him, letting the shared high come down peacefully. But reality comes crashing in, reminding you that time is not on your side. He takes a minute to collect his breath and collapses against the backseat, running his fingers through his soaked hair as he pushes out a dramatic sigh, “Well that’s new.”

You haven’t dared to move — not even a single inch from the fear of adding another stain to the cushion beneath you. “So…is that a kink for you?”

He blows a raspberry with a shake of his head, blurting out, “I guess…maybe. Yes? I dunno. Did I freak you out?”

You snort a laugh, “Surprisingly, no.”

He takes a long pause, and you can feel his eyes on you while he tries to decipher your reaction. “Interesting.”

“What?”

He buttons his jeans and plucks the pack of cigarettes from inside the cup holder of the center console. “I just— and don’t take this the wrong way — but can you imagine getting pregnant from this?”

Before you can think about it, quickly adds, “I mean, in my shitty car in a parking deck after we spent the day at an aquarium high off our asses.” You can only stare at him, which does nothing but make him more nervous. Embarrassed, he mumbles around the filter of his cigarette, “Forget I said that,”

You interrupt by extending your hand. “Lemme have one.”

You catch the surprised rise of his brows before he scrambles to light the one hanging from his lip. He then offers it between his fingers, and he watches you take a slow drag and cough out, “Jake would be so furious.”

You both burst out into a fit of laughter, releasing any tension that might have settled between you. Smoke starts filling the car, pressuring you to finally make the move to sit up. He shuffles around, finding another t-shirt from the floor before climbing to the front of the car. Once in the driver’s seat, he lays it out across the passenger seat for you as you make your way over.

You settle while he starts the car, pulling in a second drag now that the window is down. It burns, leaving a pungent taste that trickles down your throat. “You would be a terrible dad by the way.”

He looks out and drums his fingers against the top of the steering wheel. “I think I could hold my own? Teach the little tike a few things.” Silence falls as he drives through the levels of the parking deck. His voice softens with the following sentiment, “You would be an incredible mom though.”

“Really?”

He takes a hand off the wheel and reaches over to rub your shoulder. “No doubt in my mind.”

You could get lost in those words. The thoughts and the emotions that accompany them — they could all bubble up and spill out if you let them. Instead of falling into the depth of that rabbit hole, you choose to add levity like you always do. “Would be one helluva cute kid.”

A wave of attitude is brought to the surface, making him pipe up with a pointed finger. “I’d give you the cutest fucking baby to ever exist.”

You smack his hand down playfully. “Josh, you’re a twin.”

“Yeah, well, I’m the better looking one anyway,” he blows out the sassy remark through a cloudy exhale.

“You know you’d have to quit smoking if you ever became a dad.”

“I know, I know. I gotta quit,” he grumbles, flicking the ash off his cigarette out of the window. He looks over at. you, giving you an affectionate, knowing smile. There’s something in those eyes you can’t quite place, making your heart ache too much to try. “You hungry?”

“Fucking starving.”

TAGLIST:

@gretavanbitches @dannyandthekiszkas @jakekiszkasleftnutsack @asparrowofthedawn @ageofnations @welightthefire @garbagevanfleet @lvnterninthenight @pennylanefics @writingcold @alexxavicry @gvfficrecs @jakeyboiiiiiii @doodle417 @richjaaasss @pr41sethemoon @gretavanflowerpowerrr @joshskittytickler21 @jakekiszkasbabymama @tripthelightfatality @maddie-van-fleet @sarakay-gvf @josiee-gvf @milkgemini @sammiejane22 @gretavanbear @capturethechaos @welllauragvf @averagemisfit03 @myownparadise96 @givemeyourtots2 @gretavangroove @autopsy-im-ill l @objectsinspvce @myownparadise96 @feilores @josh-iamyour-mama @givemeyourtots2 @joshkiszkasbigtoe @lightmylove-gvf @mydarlingdanny @shutupdevvie @twinszka @busybeingtrash @carlybubs @demonrat444 @high-fidelity1

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sacredthethreadgvf · 1 year

Text

Sunshine On My Shoulders | Josh Kiszka x Reader

Warnings: SMUT!!! MINORS DNI! Josh being an asshole sorry, mentions of fearing thunderstorms, smoking the herb, fluff and angst..(if I missed any let me know)

Word Count: 11k+ get cozy friends

A/N: Hello. Hi. It has been SO long since I have had the motivation to sit down and write a fic but I wanted to share this little piece with you all. Who doesn't love a good friends to lovers trope with some spice in the mix? Go easy on me though, like I said it's been a little while since I have posted anything like this and it is so terribly edited…

Huge shoutout to @streamingcolors-gvf and @myfriendtheghost. Without either of you, I don't think this would have made it out of the dusty drafts in my google docs. I appreciate you both so very much.

Enjoy.

******************************************************************

The squeaky wheels of the shopping cart you were pushing were beginning to annoy you. The dull beep of items being scanned tuned out in your ears as a white noise to the god awful rattle of this stupid cart you had. How did you always manage to get the one cart with the broken wheel every time you went to the store? You hate grocery shopping. Too much noise, too many people all scrambling around to load up carts with fresh produce and frozen dinners for their families, and the gaudy white lights, ugh! You figured since you loved people watching so much you would enjoy being nosey and stare into people's carts to see what they had, I mean you may have missed something good back in the bakery aisle for all you knew. But you hated being here. You would rather instacart your groceries, or have curbside pick up than to venture into a store if you didn't have to.

But today was a last minute circumstance. A last minute circumstance for your best friend Josh. He had called you in a panic from a hotel room many states away a few days ago informing you that he had re hurt his already busted eardrum, and he had hurt it badly this time. Bad enough that he was coming home sooner than anticipated.He expressed to you over facetime how he felt he was helpless to take care of himself at times and for once, did not want to be left alone. So, he had asked you a favor. Deeming it the biggest favor he would ever ask of you and that he would pay you back at a later date to which you insisted against since it is what friends do for each other. Josh had asked you to come spend a few days with him so he could get settled back in at home. He had requested that you went to pick up some food for him on top of his medications that he needed to take for his ear. He had told you everything over the phone while you stood in your apartment and you tried your best to write everything down while he was rattling off specific ingredients for certain recipes. You had offered to make him his favorite soup for him that he had been complaining he missed so much these last few weeks on the road. He had swore it could cure all pain in an instant and you were determined to make it for him.

You two were going to be staying in the boy's vacation home, a nice little cabin in the hills of Tennessee so he could ‘get away from Jake and his amps’ for a while and immerse himself in nature. You of course happily obliged to his every request. Secretly pining on him for months now, you'd take any chance to spend time with him while he was home.

So this is how you ended up where you currently were, one of your least favorite places on the face of the planet earth. But if it was for him, you'd suck it up any day of the week.

With your car full of grocery bags and a packed duffle bag you began your trek to the hills of Tennessee outside of the bustling city of Nashville that you have been able to call home for the last couple of years. The drive was peaceful. You had made it a few times before after having the pleasure of being invited to a small weekend getaway with the boys and their lovers. Many memories were made in that cabin with your friends.

Pulling down the little dirt road that led to the cabin you weren't sure if you were giddy with excitement or if it was your brain trying its best to cover up your anxiousness. You were going to be spending the next few days with Josh alone. You've never had the chance to spend one on one time without Josh's brothers hanging out nearby or even just other people in general hanging around.

Seeing the cabin coming into view through the trees you saw Josh's Jeep already parked out front. “Hey Siri? Call Josh.” Even with the cabin being tucked away in the woods you were thankful cell service was still decently strong.

The phone rang a few times over the speakers in your car, “Hello?”

“Hey! I have arrived!” You announced as you put your car into park.

“Okay, the front door is unlocked. Need any help?”

“I got it Josh, dont worry about it!” You reached over your front seat to grab your purse and water bottle, preparing yourself to load up your arms with groceries and such.

“Okay, see you soon Sunny.”

Sunny..

Josh had given you the nickname Sunshine shortly after you two met and it had been shortened to Sunny after a while. He had told you that you reminded him of the warm sun on the first day of spring after the weather broke from a cold winter. That you lit up a room so effortlessly when you were around and had the ability to make everyone around you happy. And that's when you knew that you were in trouble. Your heart belonged to him but it felt so unrequited at times. His little touches he would graze over your skin when he thought no one was looking, the winks he would shoot your direction after he made a joke that caused you to laugh wildly, the blush you could swear would paint his cheeks when you would make flirty remarks..

And yet, whenever you felt like the line between friends would be crossed, he would pull away. The touches would become more sparse and you noticed he wouldn't look in your direction as often as he used to. But then he would jump right back in a few days later as if nothing happened. As if his cold behavior was just a minor occurrence. It confused you wildly. So you settled for pining after him and keeping him as close as he could be to you, as friends. As long as he was in your life, you didn't care.

You gathered up the grocery bags along your arms, clearly hurting yourself slightly in the process but you'll be damned if you had to make another trip. Unfortunately for you, you had abandoned your duffel bag back in the car and only realized it as you were pushing the front door of the house open. Josh had been spread out on the couch, writing furiously away in his journal as he had finally been able to put some finishing touches on the lyrics to a new song when he heard you. He saw you through the little archway in between the foyer, kitchen and living room.

“Sunny!” He beamed. “Oh my gosh, hang on, let me help you!”

Your arms were beginning to weaken at the heaviness of the bags but you shook your head wildly as he came bounding towards you.

‘You will do no such thing mister! Go sit back down!”

You tried to pull away from Josh's fingers grasping at the handles of the bags leaving red marks on your arms but didn't succeed as he pulled a few of them away from you.

“Sunny, don't be so stubborn, I feel okay right now!” He smiled widely at you, his dimple making an appearance on his cheek. You tried not to stare as you felt yourself redden in the face. Had you forgotten how he was so cute while he was away? How is it even possible that he came home more attractive..

You walked with him the short distance to the kitchen and after unloading the bags from your arms Josh walked towards you and gave you a side hug. “Thanks again for doing this for me Sunny.”

“Of course.” You smiled up at him.

“Did you hear about the storms that are supposed to happen tonight?” He asked, back turned towards you while you both started unloading the groceries.

“I did, yes! Are you prepared? I heard the wind might be bad and the power will go out because of that.”

Josh stopped and threw a cheeky smile over his shoulder at you. “And who said the power was going to go out?”

“Me! This cabin is in the middle of nowhere, I will give you $100 if the power does not go out.”

“Deal Sunny!” He smirked.

His smirk quickly diminished on his face as he felt a pain radiating through his ear to his jaw, you watched as he winced slightly.

“You okay?” You softly asked.

“Yeah..I mean, no. But it's okay.”

Josh turned his attention back towards the grocery bags and you. You were beating yourself up mentally for not really being able to carry on or start a conversation with him now that you two were alone together. There was easily so much you two could talk about right now. You were trying to rack your brain on whether or not you wanted to ask him about tour so soon because it was such a touchy subject right now. Or even bring up the state of his ear, deciding against that as well as it might add insult to injury. Just as you were about to ask him how his trip home was, Josh broke the silence in the room.

“Chicken broth?”

“Huh?” You responded.

“You got chicken broth?” Josh raised his voice slightly at you causing you to shrink back. Your eyes go wide at his tone of voice.

“I…- Josh..was I not supposed-...” You started rambling. Shocked at how he was speaking to you.

“Why the fuck would you get chicken broth for a vegetarian soup?!” You watched as he pinched the bridge of his nose and spun around. Your heart sank and started to quicken in your chest as your brain tried to comprehend how Josh's voice and attitude towards you changed at the flip of a switch. I mean you just got here..

He's never ever used that voice with you before with you and now..your arms began to stiffen at the rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins and you started to ramble.

“Josh I- I don't know why I didn't think of-”

“Of course you didn't think. I mean why would that make any sense!” He snapped, still facing away from you in the kitchen.

“I'm sorry. I don't know why I-..”

“Just..-stop..now we can't have the soup. The one thing you knew I was looking forward to for the last few days. You think I can have chicken broth?! Useless..” Josh whispered the last part.

Your heart sank heavy in your chest. You had positively ruined the one thing Josh asked you to do for him. Your head had snapped up to look at him at his last word he chose to mutter out, only to see his eyes wide already looking at you. You felt like the two of you were standing there for hours, neither of you making a move. He watched as your eyes began to fill with tears and your face turned red.

You snatched your keys off the counter just as the first shaky breath of what felt like a panic attack coming on made its way through your chest.

You had to go, you had to get out of this house before he saw you break down. You couldn't let him see you like this.

You hastily slipped on your shoes not caring if you even put them on the correct foot and pushed the front door of the house open making haste to your car in the driveway. All the while you could hear Josh repeatedly calling out your name from behind you trying to stop you. It wasn't until he had successfully grabbed your arm while you were trying to get into the front seat of your car did you stop. By now you had tears spilling down your cheeks and you refused to look directly at him.

“Y/N please, Y/N I'm sorry I didn't mean it-..” He pleaded with you, grip strong on your left arm.

“Josh, please let me go.” you let out a shaky breath, closing your eyes causing more tears to rush down your cheeks.

“No,” He paused to wipe a stray tear falling down your cheek. “No, I'm not letting you go. I'm sorry Y/N I didn't mean what I said back there. I need you here, with me, please.”

“But why did you say all that..why did you talk to me like that.” You let out a shaky breath, looking down at your feet.

“Y/N I promise I didn't mean it, I've been irritated with other things and I kind of took it out on you and I shouldn't have. Not that that is a good excuse to say anything like that to you. I-I'm sorry.”

Josh's chest was rapidly rising and falling as he was looking at you. “Please please stay. I didn't mean it.”

You pushed him away from you.

“You don't think I know that!” You yelled at him.

You watched his face turn white as you connected your now bloodshot eyes with his own.

“Josh, you don't think I know half of the shit that you've been going through?! We talk almost every single day! I know how you haven't been feeling good and for crying out loud and I know this set back on tour is a lot to handle.I come here to help you out because you asked me to and because you're my best friend and you yell at me and call me useless right after I walk through your front door? Useless?! Seriously get fucked.” You turned away from him again grabbing your car door handle only for his arm to reach past your shoulder and shove it closed.

“Y/N, please..!”

“Josh, let me fucking GO!”

He held his arm steady against the crease of the car door and you snapped your eyes at his face and glared at him the best you could. You hoped that your piercing glare would get the message across. You watched as he drew his lips together in a tight line and rubbed his nose against his white sleeve before looking back at you. You crossed your arms and continued to glare at him.

Just as he was about to begin speaking to you again you clicked the little red button on your key fob and the car alarm started blaring. You lifted your chin at him in defiance.

You watched as his face dropped, as if you could read his face saying ‘really?’.

He rolled his eyes. “Y/N. Seriously?”

“Yes seriously. Get off my car you fucking criminal.”

“Criminal?” He glared at you.

“Yes criminal! You're holding me hostage!”

He giggled, arm still perched against your car door, alarm still blaring.

“You know there's 3 other doors you can crawl into this vehicle through. I'm not doing anything.” You watched as the corners of his mouth were fighting off a smile, his eyes gave it away though how funny you were to him which only fueled the anger you felt.

“Fuck you Joshua!”

Your anger intensified even more as he laughed out loud. “I'm just saying Sunny! You're more than capable of getting into your vehicle right now!”

“You're so annoying!”

“Oh yeah? What else?” His stupid smirk was beginning to break through your tough barrier without you even realizing it.

“You're an asshole! A prick! The worst person I've positively ever met in my entire life!”

“Wow, Sunny. I never thought I'd see your true colors!” He finally threw a full smile in your direction which quickly fell as he watched your eyes narrow even further at him.

You turned your back to him then. Car alarm still going off.

You heard him sigh. “Y/N? Sunny? I'm sorry I yelled at you and said you were useless. That was totally out of line for me and I don't know why I even said it in the first place because you are the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time. I don't think I would be able to survive without you to be honest. I'd probably be stuck on the side of the road somewhere like a lost puppy if it weren't for you keeping me in check and taking such good care of me. Will you please forgive me for the horrid, horrid comment I made in the kitchen? Let me make it up to you.”

You didnt turn back to face him, but you clicked that little red button on your key fob and your car went quiet. You heard him let out a breath behind you. You began tapping your foot against the gravel. Were you really about to forgive this asshole? Probably. I mean he was right that he wouldn't be able to survive without you..and his stupid cute face, his smile and those dimples were your ultimate kryptonite..

“Fine Joshua. I will stay, but understand you have some major, major groveling to do.”

You turned back to face him and Josh whisked you into his arms faster than you could blink.

You felt his arms wrap around you and a hand immediately finding its place on the back of your head holding you tight like you were going to slip away at any moment. Your arms did not reciprocate, only loosely wrapping around his torso as he clung to you like his life depended upon it.

The sadness in your chest had dissipated. Not into comfort, warmth, or happiness. The anger stuck.

“Josh, why would you even say something like that to me in the first place though?” You pulled your head away from his grasp to look at him directly. You could see the remorse still painted clearly across his face. Just as he was about to open his mouth and respond, the sound of tires crunching on gravel cut you both short.

Josh sighed and looked between you and the car that was approaching. “My mom is here.”

He dropped his arms from around you and you watched as he opened your back seat door and grabbed your duffle bag, slinging it over his right shoulder.

“Hey kids!” Karen greeted you both with a wide smile stepping out of her car. “What's up!”

Both you and Josh put up appearances as if, whatever it was, didn't just happen between you two.

“Hey mama!” Josh walked around the front of the car to give his mom a big hug.

“Hey Mrs. Kiszka” You waved at her with a small smile.

“Did you just get here honey? I hope I wasn't interrupting anything.” She shot a wink at Josh, which to his luck, you had missed but his cheeks now sported a light pink color.

“Yeah, I was just helping her unload her things ma.”

“Oh perfect, then you can grab these bags from my car too!” She opened the back seat of her car. “I stopped to pick up some groceries for you since I know you've been on tour for so long, figured I'd help restock the fridge.”

Josh whispered a soft thank you. Neither of you made a move to mention that you had just gone grocery shopping for him not a few hours ago.

“Let me help too Mrs.Kiszka.” You smiled and held an open arm for her to place grocery bags into.

“Thank you sweetheart!”

*****************************************************************

You, Josh and Karen had successfully brought all 6 grocery bags into the house without an issue setting them onto the counter next to where the already more than empty grocery bags from your trip now sat.

“Oh! I didn't realize that you had already done some grocery shopping sweetie!” Karen said, beginning to unload fresh carrots from a brown paper bag.

Josh cleared his throat and glanced across the kitchen island at you, giving you a small smile. “Yeah, Y/N here was generous enough to go for me today. She even picked up my medicine that I needed since I still cannot really drive due to random bouts of vertigo.”

“Ohh how sweet of you Y/N” Karen said. “Thank you for taking such good care of Joshua for me. He always speaks highly of you and I can see why.”

“You're welcome Mrs.Kiszka, of course” You smiled at her sheepishly, your cheeks now sporting a red hue.

You had only met Karen a few times and had a few brief conversations with her. For some reason she made you nervous. I guess that's what happens when you are crushing on somebody's son who loves their mother more than anything. You constantly hope for approval from them.

You were blissfully unaware that Josh was watching your every move. He found it endearing how nervous you got around his mother, how you fidgeted with your fingers and blushed furiously.

“Joshua, stop staring and help me unpack these groceries?” Karen smirked in his direction.

You watched as Josh's face now matched yours in color.

Was he really just staring at you? What the fuck?

You were in the middle of unpacking eggs from the bottom of a brown paper bag when Josh dropped an item onto the floor. “Fuck.” He murmured.

He bent down to pick it up just as you snapped your eyes in his direction. You watched as he locked eyes with you and set the container of vegetable broth back on the counter as Karen was behind you clearing out space in the fridge.

“Joshua Michael, you have moldy fruit in here..”

Josh's eyes snapped behind you to look at his mom while she was scolding him.

You were focused on the container of veggie broth sitting on the kitchen counter now, almost taunting you.

You felt overwhelmed all of a sudden and you hastily finished clearing out the bag in front of you. “I'm going to excuse myself to take a shower if you two don't mind. I feel a little gross after running around all of Nashville today.”

“Of course sweetie!” Karen said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and giving you a light squeeze. You smiled at her and leaned into the side hug. Karen gave the best hugs.

Josh nodded at you. “Upstairs and straight back in the hallway is the bathroom. There should be fresh towels. If they're not out, the third cabinet on the left should have some fresh towels.”

“Thanks.”

Josh gave you a small smile and reached to grab the moldy blueberry container that Karen had begun waving around again.

****************************************************************

The hot water pouring from the shower head felt divine against your sore muscles. You took your time scrubbing, exfoliating, standing underneath the hot stream of water and letting the water cascade down your face or your back. You weren't in a rush to get out of the shower. Not when it felt this good, and not when you were trying to avoid being downstairs again. You were still upset that Josh had even spoken to you in such a way over something as small as Chicken broth. But as you mulled it over in the water some more, you couldn't really believe yourself but you started to empathize with his little outburst due to the recent events and you still felt slightly guilty that you couldn't deliver the one thing he kept bringing up over and over again the last few days. Almost as if the universe had a vendetta against you, you felt the hot water turn lukewarm and then almost ice cold instantly as the water reserve from the hot water tank drained in its entirety.

You let out a groan as you realized your time in the shower had now come to an end unfortunately.

You grabbed the white fluffy towels sitting on the counter next to you and wrapped your body up, trying to warm back up as the water had really put a damper on your skin temp. Thankfully, you had remembered to grab your duffle bag from the bottom of the staircase where Josh had left it before you came upstairs.

Putting on your favorite comfy clothes and taking the time to do your after shower routine, you realized you really couldn't stay upstairs much longer.

Opening the bathroom door, the smell of spices and comfort food filled your senses. It had been a long time since you had a good home cooked meal and your tummy grumbled loud to remind you of such.The frozen dinners and the take out during the week had turned into an often occurrence for you when you were in a pinch. And it felt like you were in a pinch very often these days.

You were about to start descending down the stairs when you caught hushed voices coming from the kitchen.

“...I was so mean to her mama, I really messed up.” You heard Josh plead.

“You know Josh,” You heard Karen hush back. “That girl cares about you. A lot. I can see that very clearly from the few times that I have spent with all of you. You are my son yes but you know I don't sugar coat shit. I am surprised she even stayed.”

“Me too.”

��You will have some making up to do no doubt. But I think you are off to a great start here.”

While you were doing your best to go unnoticed by the two in the kitchen, you hadn't realized the banister you were leaning against at the top of the stairs wasn't the steadiest unfortunately. Just your luck, one of the screws had popped out of the wall that was holding said banister up and rolled quite loudly down the wooden steps until it made it to the bottom of the staircase.

You rushed down after it, beat red in the face. Picking it up you looked up and made eye contact with Josh and Karen who were both trying hard not to laugh.

“Im sooo sorry Josh! I didnt mean to break-..”

Josh held his hand up, “Let me guess, top screw from the banister. That fucking thing will never stay in the wall.” He shook his head and made his way over to you. He touched your elbow as you put the screw into his extended hand and you two held each others gaze for a brief moment before you broke away from his touch.

“Well you two, I am out of here.” Karen said, grabbing her purse from the counter.

“You're not staying for dinner mama?” Josh asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“I do have other children, Joshua. Plus, I promised Jacob I would spend the night at his house since Jita is out of town currently. You're in good hands here anyways.” She shot a wink in your direction.

You flushed and watched as her and Josh shared an embrace before she approached you.

“If you need anything honey, my phone number is on the fridge.” She pulled you into her embrace and you two squeezed each other.

“Don't let him get into too much trouble now.” She whispered.

“And you two stay safe! Joshua if anything happens I'm a call away.” She said as she approached the front door.

“Thank you mama!”

“Thanks Mrs.Kiszka”

“You two behave yourselves!” She winked at you both as the front door shut.

“Hi” Josh smiled at you sheepishly.

“Hey.” You responded.

“I made my famous pasta dish if you're hungry.” He gestured behind him.

“I thought I was supposed to be making dinner for you tonight.” Your eyebrows furrowed as you made your way to the barstool directly across from him. “Also, was I in the shower that long?”

He laughed and turned around to spoon contents from the pan on the stove into a white bowl.

“Not terribly long, no. Also, I cannot promise this is the best thing you will ever eat but,” He set a bowl in front of you. “Consider this an apology?”

“Not the best thing? Josh, I thought this was your ‘famous pasta dish’!” You grinned at him.

“Oh shove it!” He matched your smile.

You brought a forkful of the hot contents up to your mouth enjoying the flavors of the sauce and the herbs mixing together in perfect harmony. It was easily one of the best things you have tasted in awhile. “I accept your apology, I think.”

******************************************************************

Not a few hours later you sat with bellies full of pasta, wine and the two of you were now picking at Josh’s version of a desert charcuterie board which consisted of graham crackers, fruit, marshmallows and chocolates that he scoured his cabinets for, minus the blueberries of course.

There was a comfortable silence between the two of you, John Denver’s voice filling the background. All that happened earlier was forgiven through bouts of shared laughter and talking through shared memories you had made together, and listening to the stories from the tour. The good ones only of course.

The first few notes of Sunshine on my Shoulders began to play through the speakers of the record player.

“Dance with me Sunny?” Josh asked, extending a hand out to you. “I know this is one of your favorite songs.”

You took his hand and watched as he gave you his signature wide smile that was only ever reserved for when he seemed to be truly happy. Josh pulled you softly into his arms, one hand laid on your lower back, the other holding your left hand. Your right arm comfortably lay underneath his left, feeling the strength of his back muscles through his yellow jacket he was sporting. You allowed yourself to truck your head into the crook of his neck, his smell consuming your senses. You could feel his steady heartbeat on the tip of your nose as you two swayed slowly in the kitchen.

If I had a day that I could give you

I'd give to you a day just like today

If I had a song that I could sing for you

I'd sing a song to make you feel this way

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

Your heart almost stopped in your chest at the sound of him beginning to sing softly along with the lyrics. Only a few hours ago you were mad at him and now those feelings of frustration have been whisked away with the sound of his soft voice.

Fuck you wanted this man so bad. And who knows, maybe he did have feelings for you too. I mean, who else would just wrap someone up, swaying in a kitchen after drinking wine and enjoying a nice meal like that. But then again, you thought of what everyone who was close with Josh would say at dinner parties or late nights out at the bars.

“Josh doesn’t date. Don’t get your hopes up”

“Josh is picky about girls.”

“Josh is good at stringing girls along and breaking their hearts, I’ve seen it! It’s true! He gets close to these girls, takes them on a few dates or has them over and then never talks to them again.”

“He’s not called the heartbreaker for nothing.”

You were no longer focusing on the song or Josh's soft humming, more on the intoxicating feeling of him, the smell of him and the thought that he could rip your heart to shreds in an instant. Everything about Josh invited you in and kept a strong hold on your heart. You felt the pang of sadness course through your heart at the thought that you could probably never have this man in your life the way you wanted. You would never be able to experience the feeling of being swept up in his arms after a long day. The feeling of his lips across your skin. How he looked in the morning all curled up in his bed right here at home.

Your body must have stiffened slightly in Josh's arms and of course he noticed the change immediately.

“Sunny? Everything okay?” He asked, pulling back away from you a bit to look down at your face.

“Huh?” You tried to play it off. “Oh, yeah, yes, I just…have a bit of a headache coming on. Too much wine probably.”

You knew he knew it was a lie, you could see it clear as day on his face. You two each only had maybe 3 glasses and this man has watched you pound tequila sodas and shots and still be able to function almost completely fine. But for some reason he didn’t press you for a further explanation.

“Want some tylenol?” He asked, disconnecting your bodies from one another. His hands rested softly in the bottoms of your elbows.

You shrugged, “Sure. I might head to bed though. These headaches can end up being bad if I don’t get horizontal soon.”

He nodded and gave you a sad smile. “I get it, trust me. Let me grab some water for you too.”

You felt the tension in the room peak at an all time high for the first time tonight as you watched Josh float around his kitchen grabbing a glass, filling it up and emptying two pills into the palm of his hand. You graciously took the items from him.

You watched as Josh began to clean up the items in the kitchen before placing the now empty glass of water into the sink where Josh was currently scrubbing away at a pot.

“Goodnight Josh.” You bumped his shoulder awkwardly.

“Sleep well Sunny.” He bumped yours back.

You wrapped your arms around your torso almost in a protective manner, or almost as if you were cold and began to make your way up the staircase. You stopped at the 4th step and turned around. “Hey Josh?”

A smile spread on your face as you watched just his head poke out from behind the kitchen wall. “Yeah?”

“Thank you. For dinner, a-and for letting me stay here with you.”

He gave you a smile, “Of course Y/N. Thank you for staying.”

You nodded and turned back around heading towards the guest room on the opposite side of the hallway from Josh's room. The second the door clicked closed you felt overwhelmed again and tears began to pool in your eyes again.

God, you wanted him bad. You'd give anything.

****************************************************************

You woke up suddenly to a pitch dark room and a thumping heart, completely unsure as to why at first. Maybe a bad dream? Your eyes tried to adjust to the darkness around the room and you pulled the blankets up to your chin. You hated to admit it but sometimes being immersed in complete darkness made you unbelievably uncomfortable. Especially when you were in an unfamiliar place.

Which reminded you that you had a salt lamp on when you fell asleep in the room yet it was off. Why would it be off? You definitely didn’t turn it off. Maybe Josh popped in and turned it off while you were asleep?

Suddenly a bright flash filled the room and your heart rate picked up again, immediately anticipating the crash of thunder that followed. Yet you still felt yourself flinch underneath the covers of the warm bed as you felt the thunder shake the wood of the house as if it were easily breakable under immense force. With your senses now heightened you picked up on the sound of the wind howling outside, the sound of the rain picking up against the window pane. You were so lucky that the foot of the bed happened to be just at the edge of the window and right up against the exterior wall.

Another boom of thunder and you were now completely buried underneath the blankets. You never were a huge fan of thunderstorms, particularly at night. With the conclusion that you were probably not going to sleep anytime soon, you reached out of the safety of your blankets and snagged your phone off the bedside table, disconnecting it from the charger as it had no use when the power was out anyways.

12:32 AM.

You sighed and opened up your messages and clicked on your last message bar with Josh.

To Josh:

Hey. Any chance you're awake?

You laid there for a few moments, pulling up the weather app on your phone as the storm continued to pick up intensity outside.

Josh:

Just so happens that I am awake. I am downstairs, care to join?

You threw the covers off of yourself and turned the flashlight on your phone as you opened the bedroom door. You could see at the end of the hallway a soft glow of flickering orange. As you descended the stairs and into the living room you could see Josh clad in nothing but a white t-shirt and a pair of boxer briefs practically bouncing around the room with a lighter, lighting different candles in various parts of the room.

“Overkill much?” You huffed a laugh as he jumped at the sound of your voice.

“I would very much like to see where I am going in my house, Sunny.”

Another flash of lightning cut through the orange glow followed by a large boom of thunder once again testing the sturdiness of the house. You had winced from the flash and the sound of the thunder and didn't catch Josh looking at you now from across the room.

“You okay Sunny?”

“Yeah, thunderstorms… aren't really my thing.” You said as you made your way to the couch in the center of the room covered in blankets and pillows that weren't there earlier.

“I was going to come wake you actually, I'm glad you texted me. Figured it might be safer to shack up on the first floor of this house during the storms in case of anything bad happening.” He said as he made his way to the opposite end of the couch mirroring your position.

“You think something bad is going to happen?” You asked softly, pulling the blanket up to your chin.

Josh sat up straight quickly grabbing onto your covered foot. “No Sunny, gosh no! We are very safe here! I just wanted you to be downstairs with me so I could keep an eye on you. Especially more so now that I know you don't really like thunderstorms.” He gave you a sympathetic smile.

“I do feel better being down here with you Josh, thank you.”

“Of course Sunshine, anything for you.”

The shrill sound of an alert coming from both of your cellular devices caused you to jump practically into Josh's lap to which he let out a small giggle and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. “Its okay Sunny. I can't promise this little piece of technological imprisonment won't ruin your mind but I will do everything in my power to make sure it won't hurt you.” You watched as Josh swiped the notification away on his phone.

“What is the warning for Josh?” You asked in a small voice, heart once again pounding in your chest. You couldn't tell if the rush of adrenaline was from the loud shrill of a government alert or from the feeling of Josh's fingers softly rubbing your shoulder and the feather of his breath across your forehead. Both were most likely a contributing factor.

“Just a thunderstorm warning Sunny. But we will be okay. We have a sturdy shelter we are in right now, we have each other, I stand by my promise that I won't let anything hurt you.” He pulled you further into his lap then. Wrapping his arms around your waist and dragging you up until you laid in between his legs facing away from him, his legs lay on either side of your body.

Your heart leapt in your chest again. You were happy you were facing away from him so he couldn't see the deep red blush painted across your cheekbones as he moved your hair from the side of your face and neck to give him room to hang his head on your shoulder without having any barrier between his and your skin. The feeling of his breath through his nose on your neck was causing goosebumps to raise on your skin. The sound of the storm battering the windows and the soft feeling of his lips now grazing the side of your neck ever so slightly. Or you might just be imagining the feeling of his lips against you. Either way, his actions were causing your heart to continue to leap in your chest. He must've noticed because you felt the exhale of his breath come out fast against your pulse point.

“Sunny, like I said, no need to be nervous because of the storm-..”

Yeah, because your heart racing out of your chest was now solely because of the storm.

“I may or may not have a few joints pre rolled for special occasions”

“This is a special occasion? Me being terrified of a storm?”

Josh barked out a laugh against your ear. “Exactly so Y/N.”

“Well, I haven't really smoked in a long time, but why the hell not.” You rolled your eyes.

“That's the spirit!” Josh said, tapping the outside of your thigh to signal you to get up so he can retrieve said joints.

You watched from the comfort of your spot on the couch where Josh was just sitting moments before as he padded across the living room to a bookshelf. You watched him move a few books around before an “Aha!” sound came from his direction and he turned back to you with a little container. You watched as he waved the little box in the air and shot you a wink.

“Flounder!”

You snorted. “I'm sorry, flounder?”

Josh jumped back onto the couch spot next to you, his thighs pressing up against your calves as you were sitting cross legged facing him, giving you the perfect view of his side profile.

“Yeah Sunny! Flounder! Like, I-found-her. Don't tell me you don't get it!” He sent you a dazzling smile as he was unwrapping the bag containing the joints.

“You're such a goober, oh my god!” You laughed again, pushing your hand against the side of his shaved head.

*******************************************************************

A few minutes later you were now in a slight haze from the joint, feeling more relaxed now than you have since you were rudely awoken by the storm and the pitch black room. You and Josh were silently passing the joint back and forth between you, embracing the soft flickers of candle light together and surprisingly the more you set in, the less and less you were fearful of the rain hitting the windows.

“Sunny?” Josh asked, giggling slightly. “You good?”

You hadn't realized you zoned out and Josh had been holding the joint out to you again and you had failed to notice. “Huh? Oh! Yeah, I was just zoning out I guess.”

Josh giggled again, “No problem.”

You leaned your head back against the couch as you listened to Josh start to softly hum next to you in between puffing on the joint every once in a while.

“Sunny, you greened out or do you want to try and shotgun? The joint is almost gone, no pressure though..” He sounded nervous and his suggestion put you on edge. You knew how intimate shotgunning could be and the thought of being that close to Josh made your head spin.

“I guess I could take one more hit.”

“Atta girl,” Josh said, tapping your knee motioning for you to angle your body towards him. “It won't be that rough anyways, you know.”

You nodded, head spinning and heart beating wildly in your chest as he mirrored your position now.

“So how are we going to-..how do you want to-..how..” You stuttered out.

“Sunny, it's just me, relax, follow my lead.”

You gulped as his hand rested on your knee now. You watched as he brought the joint to his lips and pulled harshly. Causing the end of the joint to burn a bright orange. Quicker than you anticipated his eyes snapped up to your face, nostrils flared and he pulled your chin towards him.His lips now grazed yours ever so slightly, and your breath caught in your throat as you parted your lips slightly. The smoke escaped around the both of you as you had forgotten to inhale, easily intoxicated by the feeling of him being so close to you now. Josh let out a silent giggle, you could feel his plush lips turning up into a smile against yours.

Josh pulled back slightly and smiled at you. “Sunny, you forgot to inhale!”

You blushed furiously looking anywhere but his face, suddenly your hands seemed to be super interesting as your mouth grew dry. You weren't sure if it was from the weed or all the stress you have been through this entire evening. “Yeaaahh..oops?” You let out softly.

Josh giggled wildly. “You're adorable when you get flustered.”

Your eyes snapped to his face now, you watched as he took another inhale of the joint. “Who said I was flustered!”

He smiled as he exhaled and reached forward to knock the ash off the bottom of the joint into the ashtray sitting on the table. He turned back to you immediately after, lips twitching at the corners of his mouth.

“You look so pretty in the candlelight right now..” Josh whispered, his fingertips grazing your cheekbone, his eyes following his fingers.

You're unsure of who officially closed the distance first in your inebriated state of mind but next thing you knew his soft, plush, wet lips were softly pressed against yours. The feeling of his hand buried in your hair was the only thing that you could really focus on in that moment. The joint abandoned between Josh's fingers on his other hand between you, burning away..

Josh's soft, pillowy lips were dragging you into the most intense high you have ever experienced. He tasted sweet and felt even sweeter. The feeling of your lips finally melding together after months and months of pining felt like a drink of cold water on a hot summer's day.

Your bottom lip was briefly captured between his teeth and you felt him slightly nibble and then pull back. A gasp type moan escaped from you and Josh flashed you a dazzling smile before diving right back in. Josh's hand slipped down now from your hair into your lap, giving your thigh a squeeze. His squeeze turned into him desperately grabbing at you trying to pull you closer as your fingers gripped his jaw, tongues fighting each other for dominance.

“Mmmm, come here..” Josh turned away from you quickly to put out the burning joint in the ashtray and like lightning he gripped on your hips bringing you onto his lap, straddling him. His fingertips were now brushing up the hem of your sleep shirt to graze at the skin of your hips as your mouths reconnected again in a fervent fashion. The feeling of his soft, cold fingertips against your delicate skin causing you to momentarily gasp into his mouth and goosebumps fly across your skin. You felt yourself becoming more and more turned on by the moment and he explored your mouth with his. As you gripped onto the back of Josh neck harder, dragging him impossibly closer, his hips rose up and you could clearly feel his hard on pressing against your core causing you to let out the loudest mona of the night in your throat. Josh quickly pulled away from you causing you to panic slightly.

“Fuck Sunny, Im sorry.” he said, brushing a piece of hair away from your face. “I'm clearly getting ahead of myself here.”

You grabbed onto his face, forcing him to look you directly in the eyes. “No, no you're not. I want this.” You pecked his lips lightly. “I want you.”

“Fuck.” Josh gasped out and when your mouths met again, it was clear you both were about to cross the boundary between friends and neither of you had a problem with it.

You felt Josh's fingers slowly begin to drag up your sides underneath your shirt. Slow enough that it was frustrating for you. You hastily grabbed onto the bottom of the shirt and tore it off of you causing Josh to giggle. “Slow down Y/N, I want to savor this.”

His eyes turned a darker hue in the candle light as he took in the sight of your chest, finally bare for him. He wasted no time grabbing onto both of your breasts and squeezing the supple flesh together moaning out another ‘fuck’ under his breath. His mouth finally attached itself to one of your nipples, pulling and rolling the sensitive bud in between his lips. You felt his teeth graze against your nipple causing you to throw you head back. He left sloppy kisses across your chest as he moved to give the other one some much needed attention.

“Fucking hell Josh.” You moaned as you felt yourself becoming more and more aroused.

He looked up at you with hooded eyes and a slight smirk on his lips.

That stupid fucking smirk again.

His fingers now grazing your nipples simultaneously as your mouths reconnected again. You felt him begin to pull and tug on your breasts causing you to toss your head back again and he watched you get drunk on the feeling of his hands and now his very, very obvious hard on through his briefs as you had begun grinding yourself along his impressive length once more. his right hand still on your hip encouraging your steady movement.

The feeling of him hard and tucked away between your thin sleep shorts and his thin boxer briefs started driving you mad. Your moans now freely flowing out as you focused on Josh's face watching yours. Your foreheads practically pressing together. Josh let out a soft moan, causing you to clench around nothing.

“That feel good, sweet girl? Are you making a mess of your panties on top of me right now? I bet you are..”

You watched as Josh looked down to where you were dragging yourself lazily along his length, both of his hands now pressed into your hips guiding you along. You watched as his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes snapped back up to yours.

“Y/N, can I please touch you? You're driving me crazy..”

“Please..” You said, dragging your lips against his right ear, pulling his golden hoop in between your lips and sucking softly.

This must’ve thrown him off the edge because next thing you knew, he was pushing you down on your back and he was leaning over you, finger tips grazing over your clothed core.

A fresh tingling feeling made its way to your lower half as his soft fingers grazed a small path right up your slit to where your covered clit was and all the way back down again. Josh watched your eyebrows furrow in pleasure. He couldn't believe he finally had you in the way he dreamed of but never admitted out loud. So many late nights were spent in the confined spaces of his bunk on the tour bus, fighting the urge to touch himself underneath the covers at the thought of you.

You felt his fingers now dip underneath the seam of your underwear and graze across your wet core. A shameful moan escaped you as you felt his fingers at first slowly graze against the wetness then switch up and apply more pressure, breaking against the dam to truly feel you.

“Oh my fuck, my sweet girl, youre so wet.” Josh let out what sounded like a painful moan.

“A-all for you Josh”

Your head snapped back as his finger came in contact with your swollen clit, swirling around it a few times. Watching how your body reacted to him in complete awe.

He ripped away from you then, causing a pathetic moan to come out of your mouth at the loss of contact. “I need to get these clothes off of you babe. I need to see you, and feel you even more.”

You watched from your spot as Josh pulled his own shirt over his head and then dragged your shorts and underwear down. Your legs clamped shut, suddenly feeling a bout of self consciousness.

“Hey,” Josh whispered. “It's just me Sunny, no need to be shy.”

His fingers tips slowly grazing a path from your ankles up to your knees. You nodded at him when he lifted an eyebrow at you and his hands made the move to part your legs. You watched as his lips parted and his eyes grow wide as he finally saw all of you for the first time.

“Oh my god,” he whispered. “Come here.”

Josh moved to kneel down on the floor in front of the couch, dragging your hips as best as he could along the way. You were now sitting up, hips against the edge of the couch as Josh began to trail sloppy kisses up one thigh and down the other.

“Josh” You moaned out breathlessly, diving your fingers into his curls on the top of your head as best you could as he was moving.

He nipped the inside of your knee ever so lightly, “Mmmm, I love hearing you say my name like that.”

“Josh, please..” You tried to drag him up to your core, desperate to feel him against you.

“I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have thought about you like this. In my bunk, in my hotel room shower, in the green rooms..”

You watched as he looked up at you and winked just before finally dragging his tongue along your slit. Your core clenched around nothing at the contact of his warm, wet tongue against you and a moan ripped through your chest as he did it again, only this time he stopped at the top of your clit and sucked lightly.

“Mmmm, you taste so much better than I imagined.”

Your body felt like it was on fire with the pleasure rippling from your core spreading to your toes and your fingertips as he continued this pattern between licking through your folds to your entrance and then dragging up to your clit again. He gave your clit a few soft kisses before diving between your fold again. Moans were freely flowing through your mouth by now and Josh was hanging onto your legs to prevent you from clamping around his head from the pleasure shaking through your body.

You felt as he pulled one of your lower lips into his mouth, sucking sharply before releasing and repeating on the other side. He then turned his focus to your clit sucking sharply there, thrashing his head side to side every now and then.

You were already teetering on the edge of your release, so much so that when you felt Joshs fingers push past your entrance and curl up a few times along with his assault on your clit, your body went aflame with white hot pleasure as you released all over his fingers, clenching wildly.

You couldn't hear your own moans through the contractions of your orgasm but you were pretty sure you were screaming his name.

Josh was still slowly dragging his fingers in and out of you as you were still clenching around him. You felt him kissing the inside of your thighs,alternating between both as he waited for you to come down.

“Holy fuck.” You breathed out, combing your fingers through the curls on the top of his head again. He chuckled against your thigh.

“Yeah?” He asked, looking up at you. “That was the hottest fucking thing ive ever had the pleasure of witnessing.”

You giggled as he stood up in front of you, pulling you to your feet as well, wrapping his arms around your waist to stabilize your shaky legs. “I almost came in my shorts.” he giggled, kissing your forehead.

You took note of how hard and heavy he was pressed against your leg. “Now its your turn.” You winked at him dropping to your knees and pulling his boxers down with you. You watched with wide eyes as his cock sprung forward in front of you. Your eyes widened and your core clenched again as you noted how long and thick he actually was. You looked back up at his face just as he was brushing your hair through his fingers, tugging you up lightly.

“Sunny, as much as I want that, I can't wait anymore, I need to be inside you. Please.” He cast doe eyes down at you, eyebrows furrowed as if he was in pain.

You smiled up at him, just as eager to feel him buried inside of you as you placed a wet kiss against his head watching his stomach muscles shudder.

“Oh Y/N..” He moaned and threw his head back. Just as you were about to repeat your actions, you felt Josh's hands under your arms, yanking you up to your feet again only to be pushed down into the same position you started off with him on the couch in the first place. Your legs hung open wide in anticipation for what was coming next.

Your lips connected once again, hot and heavy as you felt him start to drag himself along your core. Teasing your entrance, then back out and around the rest of your swollen core and then back again just teasing his head in and out of your briefly. Your body felt on fire again. The teasing from the anticipation of feeling him fully buried inside of you making the hars on your head stand at attention and goosebumps littering your skin. The feeling of lust driving you insane.

You pulled away from him, “Josh please please stop teasing me, I need you.”

“As you wish, sweet girl.”

With that, he pushed himself past the threshold of your entrance, slowly stretching you out. He was definitely bigger than those you had been with in the past and the feeling of him pressing against your walls made your eyes flutter shut. Josh let out a gasp as he finally was fully buried inside of you. Your eyes opened back again when he started thrusting inside of you only to see he was already looking down at you with that same pained expression on his face.

“Fuck Y/N, youre amazing. You feel so good.” His head dropped into the crook of your neck and he started placing sloppy kisses from your ear down to your collarbone, adding a few lips nips from his teeth here and there as he began thrusting harder.

You don't think you've ever felt so much pleasure and so full as his thrusts continued to become sharper against your cervix. His trimmed pelvic hair was adding just the right amount of friction to your clit with each thrust you were unsure how much longer you were going to last. His body, his scent, the way he felt was becoming so overwhelming for you. Tears began to prick the corner of your eyes as he leaned back on his knees dragging your hips up and changing the angle of his thrusts to now connect solely with your g-spot.

“Oh fuck, oh my fuck, right there!” You yelled out, hands grasping at the front of his thighs in desperation to stop his hard thrusts.

Josh smirked down at you, his dimple making its appearance on his cheek as he moved one of his hands from your thigh he was gripping onto tightly, to your lower belly and pressing down. Adding to the pressure on your g spot. “Is that it sunny? Is that the spot?”

You chanted out “yes” in time with his thrusts, brain feeling like it was going numb from all the pleasure that was spreading through your body. Just as you felt like you were about to pour over the edge finally, he pulled out and placed your hips down on the couch again.

You immediately pouted and thrashed your head side to side, “No no no come back no please..”

He shushed you immediately and rubbed the outside of your thigh, “Calm down honey, I just want to change positions. Come here.”

You watched him step off the couch and he guided you so you were leaning with your torso pressed up against the back of the couch, resting on your knees. You shook your hips at him trying to entice him to hurry and fill you up again. He giggled at your movements and brushed his hands along your hips down to your ass to spread you apart for him. You weren't sure why you were expecting him to be gentle but he was far from it as he roughly thrusted into you again. The new angle made your head spin immediately, once again you felt the hair on your head stand at attention as the only thing you could truly feel was how big he felt inside of you, his sharp unforgiving thrusts, and his hips snapping against you. “Oh fuck, you love it from behind dont you. Listen to you babe, you're a mess.”

You felt as Josh gathered your hair that was hanging down your back into a makeshift ponytail, pulling you back up against him so you were flush with his chest, his thrusts never fully slowing down. His teeth grazed your ear, “Do me a favor baby, I'm so close. Rub your clit, rub your pretty little clit like I know you do when you’re alone and wet and swollen. Show me how you treat her so nice, she makes you feel so good doesn't she?”

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you felt him push you back against the couch, one hand still buried in your hair at the nape of your neck and the other grabbing roughly onto your hip as his thrusts became sharper. Your fingers trailed down to give your clit attention like he asked you to and you began rubbing sharp circles around it, making you clench around him.

Josh moaned out behind you, “Such a good girl, listening so well. I'm not going to last long. I need you to cum.” Josh's words sent you over the edge faster than you anticipated. The ball of pleasure snapped again in your core and you were clenching wildly around him. “There it is, there’s my good girl. Cum all over me. Just like that.” He wailed out. You felt as he pulled out of you, spurts of his cum landing on your lower back. Moaning along with him. You both took a moment trying to catch your breath and come back down to earth after such an intense high. Josh made the first move.

“Don't move yet, Sunshine.” He tapped your hip and you felt him move briefly behind you, grabbing a cloth of some sort and wiping his release off of your back. Both of you stood briefly, redressing and giggling amongst yourselves. Once you were both dressed, Josh dragged you down on top of him as he laid back on the couch wrapping you both up in the blankets. You snuggled your nose into the side of his neck as his arm that was wrapped around you was rubbing up and down your arm. Your body felt weak from the recent activities.

“Well that was a good distraction from the storm.” You giggled, tracing shapes softly onto his chest. He laughed wildly. “I guess you could say that Sunny.”

Silence fell amongst you two again and your mind started to wander. What did this mean for the two of you? Did you truly just ruin your friendship? How were you supposed to move forward..Josh noticed you tense up against him and he brushed his lips against your forehead breathing your scent in deeply. “What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

You sighed, “I just, I hope nothing is ruined between us Josh. I don't want to lose you in my life.

“Hey, hey..” He pushed himself up so now he was leaning over you, hand grazing your cheekbone. “Nothing is ruined between us. I want you in my life. I want you in my life for as long as you will have me Sunny. If it wasn't blatantly obvious before I hope it is now,” He paused and pressed a sweet kiss to your lips which you gladly reciprocated.

“I want to call you mine, I want to walk into a room with you and show you off, brag about you until people beg me to shut the fuck up.” You giggled at him.

“You truly are the sky, the moon, and the stars. You are wondrous, and I find myself falling in love with you more and more each day. My celestial love. Please let me call you my one and only.”

Instead of answering him with words you pulled him back into you, kissing him as hard as you could.

He giggled against your lips, “I'll take that as a yes.”

“Take it as an absolutely. Josh you have me, all of me.”

“I'm so happy to hear that love.” His fingers grazed against your cheekbone again. “My sweet, sweet Sunshine. You are so beautiful.”

He laid back down pulling you closer than before, tangling his limbs with yours and tucking your head against his chest practically suffocating you. “Lets go to sleep. Hopefully the power will be back on in the morning and I can make you your favorite breakfast.”

You hummed against him and buried your nose into his skin, basking in the scent of his natural musk. He made you feel so safe and wanted. You found your eyelids growing heavy finally.

“Hey Josh?” You mumbled.

“Hmm?”

“Shouldn't we blow out the candles before we fall asleep?”

You watched as he pinched the bridge of his nose, looking around the room at all the candles still burning away, “Why did I have to light so fucking many Sunny..”

You two giggled and you watched as he got up and started moving around the room blowing out each candle.

How did you end up here and get so lucky? You're not sure, but you could not wait to see where this went.

****************************************************************

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this fic of mine :) thanks for sticking around and finishing it. Tell me your thoughts !

#josh kiszka #josh kiszka angst #josh kiszka fluff #josh kiszka smut

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littlemisslipbalm · 8 months

Text

Keeping Up With You

Josh Kiszka x gn!reader

Summary: “Mornings are meant to be spent with you,” Josh blurts out, nerves obvious in his voice. “Soft rock music playing while I bestow a thousand kisses across your body.”

A coming back together story

A/N: FLLUFFIEST AND ANGSIEST writing to date. The premise of this fic follows along the lyrics of tommy’s party by peach pit. One of my favorite songs so you should go listen as soon as possible.

Word Count: 8.9k | Warnings: breakup angst, alcohol consumption and weed consumption, swearing probably, ANGST and Happy Ending!

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You were running late. Not for anyone’s fault but your own. You didn’t want to go to Sam’s party, and yet, out of obligation or something like spite, you were dragging yourself there. You loved him and you loved all your friends that you were bound to see, but there was a nagging sense in your stomach that you were going to regret the entire night.

Maybe it was for liquid courage that you cracked a hard kombucha while you had gotten ready and then took a few (three) shots before stumbling out of your front door to the uber you had called half an hour after the start time of the party that was across town. Sam, like all the rich people in your life, chose to live in the nicest part of town and you couldn’t fault him even if it meant your uber cost an extra 10 dollars for the longer drive than if he had his party at a bar downtown like any civilized adult.

Walking into the party felt kind of like walking back into high school. Out of place somewhere you already didn’t want to be, searching for a lifeline. You saw the one person you’d probably know the best immediately upon entering. Sam was by the door, yammering about how the house needed more lights to the three unwilling participants in his drunken house tour. You called his name, getting his attention before getting pulled into a sloppy hug. You grinned and yelled over the bass-heavy rock “Happy Birthday, dude!”

Sam grinned back and yelled that there were drinks in the kitchen and to PLEASE help yourself. You bit your lip and gave two thumbs up to him and the people in his little entourage, before slipping past them to his kitchen, where you planned to help yourself, heavily.

There were more hard kombuchas sprawled across the countertop that were calling your name until a bottle of semi-decent-looking whiskey tucked in the back of the array of alcohol caught your eye. Scrawled messily across the label in black sharpie was the claim “JAKE’S” and you chuckled to yourself before pouring a double shot of it into the compostable disposable cup you had picked up from the stack at the far end of the counter. If it came to blows with that particular Kiszka, you knew you could take him.

You added in some root beer to the whiskey after checking that no one was around to see it and gulped at the drink, a little spilling down your chin with the amount of vigor you had used. You needed the alcohol haze on your mind to get heavier before you could face anything more at this party. The lights were dim and the music was thumping, people were talking loudly and laughing louder and you felt impossibly alone. And anxious.

The unknown hand that descended on your shoulder didn’t help the anxiety, but managed to placate the lonliness. You jumped, sloshing a little bit of your drink before whipping around to scold the owner of said hand.

“You swipe from my whiskey business, trouble?” Jake inquired with an arched brow.

Your eyes were wide on his face, before glancing down at your cup and back up to him, a bite of your lip overtaking your face. Guilt.

Jake’s usual casual smirk that he sported in situations where he was comfortable morphed into a grin. There was a tinge of sadness in his face, but he hoped the smile masked it enough. “Oh, c’mon, you know you can always take from my private collection. You’re the only one who can stomach it besides me, anyway.” He pulls you into a side-hug that is stilted but attempting to be comforting. “Wouldn’t have left it out if I didn’t want you to have some.”

You tried for a smile and took a sip. He’d left it out, hoping you would show. “Thanks, Jake. Your handwriting is atrocious, by the way.”

Jake’s smirk returns as he chuckles, his hair falling forward from behind his shoulders. It’s gotten long again since you’d last seen him. You didn’t want to think about the last time you’d seen him. Your eyes cast anxiously to the two entrances to the kitchen, searching and double-checking that no one else had come through the doors to surprise you.

Jake notices and leans into the countertop with his hip. “I was just about to go light up? Care to join?” He lifts up the joint she hadn’t noticed in his hand before.

“I don’t know…” You start, unsure why you would decline a chance to be away from the crowd already. Maybe how Jake was staring at you, the way he terribly hid his concern for you. Would he try to ask you how you were really? Weed always made him more earnest. But weed could help you, so long as you kept Jake away from certain talking points. All this going through your mind and what you swore was a certain head of curls pushing through the crowd at the far door of the kitchen made you say, “Uh, sure. Let’s do it.”

Jake went to say something in the way of how pleased he was, but just a quiet squeak came out when you quickly began to move out of the kitchen and away from the approaching curls. You grabbed Jake’s hand with the joint in it by the wrist and flipped on your heel, leading him out of the kitchen door you had entered through. You weaved through the people in the hallway, towards the closed door to the side yard where the light was off. It was unlocked thankfully and you quickly felt around the exterior wall for a switch you knew was there, before the empty outdoor space was illuminated. The music was muffled once the door was shut and you sat on the measly single concrete step below the door.

“Sam should really do something with this space,” you mumble, feeling capable of breathing and thinking and living once more.

Jake shrugged and leaned against the wall, looking down at you and then around the empty side yard. It was an afterthought, but why did you care? He was still trying to catch his breath from the sprint you had just performed to get you out of the house in what seemed like 5 seconds flat.

“I don’t think I’ve moved that quickly outside of a motorized vehicle in years.” Jake sighed.

“You should get a Peloton. It’s great.”

“I work out,” Jake says indignantly. “You just fucking flew, though.” Then he adds. “I didn’t know you had a Peloton.”

You shuffle your feet, staring at them as they move in no particular pattern. “Yeah…it was a gift.” You cough. “It’s a great stress reliever as well as a workout machine.”

Jake hums, a wave of realization washes over him as his eyes watch you, clumsily messing with your feet and your free hand. He doesn’t say anything else on the subject, though, and brings the joint to his lips, slipping his shiny silver zippo from his back pocket. It lights and he puffs on the filter.

There was no breeze tonight. No stars and no moon. It was like the sky had taken the night off–which you weren’t sure was allowed. And yet, there it was, endless black. Your hand expertly took the joint from Jake’s outstretched fingers.

“I’ve been on a T-break for the last few months,” you say when you hand back the joint.

Jake raises a brow again as he begins to puff on it again.

“Well, I said I quit, but here I am getting high, so it must’ve been a T-break.”

Jake chuckles and coughs a little on the smoke that catches in his throat from his laughter. You grimace in silent apology, accepting the joint back. Jake asks one single question for the remainder of the joint and for that you are grateful, even if it’s one of the worst questions he could��ve asked. After he asks it, he’ll leave you alone, but it’s killing him not to know. Or at least, try to know. You had been such a good friend to him and he missed having you around lately. He knew he couldn’t say that though. It wasn’t his place, but still one measly question couldn’t hurt.

He was lucky you were feeling so light and airy from the weed when he asked. If he had tried the question when you had first arrived or when he found you in the kitchen, you’re pretty sure you would’ve turned tail and run home crying.

“How are you really doing?” He inquires.

“I’m really high.” You laugh.

Jake sits beside you and turns his head, holding the joint out to the ground for ash to fall and the weed to burn with no lips around it to inhale the smoke. He says your name once and you know he’s serious.

You sigh and stick your legs out straight in front of you, your skirt flattens across your thighs nicely but you smooth your hands across it anyway and then grab at your drink beside you to take a sip. It’s almost empty. You look in his eyes for a moment and there’s that sadness and concern again.

“Did not want to come.” You say and Jake nods. “Came. For Sam.” You clarify and Jake nods again. “I know I’ll see him eventually. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Jake nods and pats a hand gingerly on your shoulder and you grimace at your lap. He was trying so hard to navigate a difficult situation and you admired his courage.

“Thank you, Jake. For the smoke.” You say and pause, mustering your courage to just blurt it out. You stare at the wooden fence across from you. “And for being my friend, still. You’re a good guy.”

Jake shakes his head and pokes out the joint, not interested in smoking it anymore. “And you are too. A good friend…who deserves happiness.”

Your lips spread into a smile and you look at Jake in the eye for a moment before knocking your forehead against his own shoulder. Something you always appreciated about Jake was his ability to understand non-verbal communication. He allowed you to do that and understand it was you thanking him. Even if you couldn’t say more on the topic. He knew.

Jake blew out a breath after a moment, “Jesus, fuck, I’m high as shit.”

You giggle and it feels louder and sillier than anything you’d done all night. Oh fuck. “Yeah. I think I am too. Good stuff.”

“Josh’s,” Jake mumbles, moving to crawl back to standing, he needed water. “Sorry.” He mumbled with widened eyes when he realized the word, the name, that had left his mouth.

You roll your eyes and hold your arms out for Jake to help you stand. “He’s not some super-villain. Just my ex and your twin. You can say his name.”

Your eyes matched Jake’s red and droopy eyes as you stared at each other once he brought you to standing, both of you taking in each other’s state. It’s tense and quiet, the thumping music heavy at the door.

You keep your hands in Jake’s, enjoying his warm caloused hands. So much like someone else’s, yet so different. “Do we have to go back in?”

“I mean…” Jake looked down his nose at you. His voice dropped lower to a raspy almost-whisper. “We should probably go back. Right?”

You smile lazily at Jake and then drop his eye contact, looking at your feet, how close the two of you were standing, and then taking a step back. He was giving you the option, but you both knew there was only one right answer.

“Back inside it is.” You add a laugh to try to not sound too bleak. “To face the gallows.”

“I still think you’d make it as a comedian, trouble,” Jake adds.

The tension dissipates. Whatever crack in the wall that was there, a tiny possibility that could’ve grown if you wanted, was patched over and covered. Forgotten. You and Jake were friends. A lot of shared history and a lot of understanding, but it was better this way.

“My one man show,” you say, shaking off the memories of when it was a duo act. You and Josh loved a good bit and would drag them out as long as you could, staying in character for entire nights out or, once, an entire week during a family vacation. “I’m good, man.” You reassure Jake when he looks at you concerned again, with his hand on the door handle.

The music grows louder but is more muffled than before as the weed and alcohol successfully contain you in their all consuming bubble. You were thankful for the moment to gather yourself and to remind you that facing Josh might not be all that horrible. You could do anything when stoned, this was something you truly believed especially when the high was in its starting area, when you were first plunged into the strange warm fuzzy place in your brain.

Jake’s hand on your back pushed you through the crowd and you heard the words “refill” and “water” leave his lips so you began to wander towards the kitchen again. Once back, you’re mildly disappointed to see it’s not empty. It’s not crowded, there’s just three other small groups of twos and threes getting refills or lingering after having gotten their refills. The night was progressing, meaning more inebriation caused more plans to be forgotten half way through. Expert missions of moving from one area of the house to the next were abandoned when the roadmaps slipped from the de facto leader of the small groups’ brain when they had another sip of their drink of choice. You knew because you used to come to parties like these with groups.

Now you were a lone shark, or maybe just the remora to Jake’s lone shark, attaching yourself to him, just along for the ride as he made the decisions. He expertly slipped past the huddled groups without interactions, just nods of chin and his smirk. You noticed some of the whispers and shared looks from some of the people in those groups as you passed by, but chose to believe they were about how handsome and mysterious Jake was and not how you were with him.

Jake looked between the faucet and the cups he had forgotten were at the end of the counter, debating whether he would go back for one or not. Shaking his head after a moment of weighted silence, he opened the cupboard to the right of the sink and grabbed one of Sam’s precious souvenir pint glasses and filled it with water. You watched in mild awe that Jake did not fear his little brother’s annoying nagging if caught and desire for water to touch your cotton-mouth-y, well, mouth.

Jake stuck the glass under the faucet again and refilled it before holding it out towards you and you smiled. Accepting the glass, you turned it in your hand, observing the etching of Snoopy and Woodstock dressed as chefs holding a gigantic sandwich with the word ‘Philadelphia’ in red bold letters above them. Sam was weird, but you respected his collection. You’d even gifted him a ‘San Francisco’ one for Christmas a couple years ago with Snoopy and the Peanuts dressed up for a Giants game.

You sipped at the water and let it wash into the various pockets of your mouth before swallowing, humming in satisfaction. “Good stuff.” You repeated.

“Only the best.” Jake responds. “Whiskey time?”

He doesn’t wait for your answer since you're drinking more of the water. He picks up your abandoned cup and his own and snatches his whiskey from behind the more popular liquors: grey goose vodka in multiple flavors besides the classic, a few okay gins and tequila–tons of it.

You take the cup filled with whiskey straight and you grimace. You weren’t in the mood to drink much more, feeling plenty fucked up, and you definitely weren’t in the mood to stomach whiskey on its own. You do an obligatory cheers motion with Jake and pretend to take a sip.

“I forgot to tell you,” Jake suddenly says with a burst of energy and you widen your eyes, startled. “We’re doing a set later.”

“What?”

“Sam wants to, for his birthday. Have a jam sesh.” Jake shrugs and slips his phone out of his coat pocket, checking the time. “Honestly should probably check the setup, make sure no one trampled the gear. C’mon.”

You would think professional musicians would want a break from their job for their birthdays, but these guys loved it so much it was hard to keep them away. Plus, knowing Sam, he’d probably insisted on choosing the set list, making Jake and Josh take a reluctant backseat to what they would play. Were you intrigued? Yes. Completely and utterly apprehensive to watch Josh perform? Double yes.

You followed Jake out of the kitchen and through the bodies in the living room towards the open French doors leading to the patio and backyard. Sam had a temporary stage set up at the back of the yard that no one was standing on or messing with besides Danny who was checking his drum kit was okay already. Everything on the stage was secondary personal stuff, none of it their expensive favorites, but it still wouldn’t be great if any of it got wrecked.

A boisterous and booming laugh took your eyes off of Danny and made you fall out of step with Jake. Right beside the stage was Josh, grin plastered across his face and beer can sloshing haphazardly as he swung his arms wide as he regaled his small group with a big important story he dramatized to be even grander than it had been.

Your eyes scanned the group surrounding him, focusing hard to make out the faces in the dim light as you tried to keep walking, following blindly behind Jake who was pausing at the edge of the stage on the opposite end from Josh. You swallow hard and debate taking another sip of the whiskey, but decide it won’t help. Your legs finally bring you to standing awkwardly beside, but slightly behind, Jake as he talks with Danny. You positioned yourself to be slightly in Jake’s shadow unintentionally.

Danny greets you and your eyes flicker to him for a moment before returning to Josh, just a few feet from you now, but he still hasn’t seen you. You mumble a ‘hi’ and Jake explains for you that you were likely on a different planet from the joint you had shared. You nodded perfunctorily and then stuck your cup into Jake’s chest.

“I can’t drink this,” you say, barely above a whisper, still watching Josh.

He was winding down from the story, you could tell. His audience was enraptured, with one particular girl close by his side that you didn’t recognize. She was grinning, shiny and bright as she watched Josh in all his inebriated glory. In his element. Entertaining. It was magic to be so close to him in those moments, how it felt spiritual when he caught your eye inches away. How his teeth seemed to smile just for you when he placed his hand on your shoulder.

And there it was. Josh rested his arm around the beautiful girl’s shoulders, palm pressing her closer to him as he laughed and grinned. She smiled at him and you swore you saw him wink. It was drunken and dopey, but you saw it.

You hadn’t felt Jake take the cup from your grasp, but your hand fell to your side, now empty. Danny and Jake followed your eyeline and then met each other’s eyes and frowned a little.

“How about you sit right here?” Jake huddled you towards a lawn chair that was close to the stage, but against the house wall so no one would bump into it.

“So I get a front row seat to it all?” You mumble miserably.

“Here,” Danny says, passing his hyrdroflask from behind the drum kit to Jake, who hands it to you, flipping the mouthpiece open and instructing you to drink.

You should’ve left once you could feel your legs again, but you couldn’t stop staring. Thankfully, Josh hadn’t noticed. You probably would’ve died on the spot if he had caught your intense eye. Instead he gives the girl a squeeze and mumbles something into her ear. She laughs loudly and stumbles on her feet a little as she steps back from him. Josh turns towards the stage and clambers onto the top of it. If it wasn’t clear to you before, his lack of agility cemented it. He was close to belligerent, but holding himself together well.

It would be laughable when he almost tilts over right after he’s stood upright finally, but you’re not the person who can find that funny anymore without seeming cruel. Instead, you decide to take a sip of Danny’s water and shut your eyes, tilting your head back against the wall, hoping to ride out the rest of this night in a strange detached state. If no one spoke to you for the rest of the night you would be happy.

You willed away the disparate images passing behind your shut eyelids. A different reality your mind had conjured up specifically to torture you it seemed. Where you were beside Josh just then and the two of you had tumbled up onto the stage. First you guide his hips up and then he pulls you up after him, the pair of you happily and drunkenly falling over one another, tangling yourselves up into a few cables in the process. You two were laughing through it all and then Josh would stop and smile the smile that was just for you, a special gleam of love in his eyes you’d grown used to. He’d cup your cheeks between his palms and pull your face to his, a big blistering kiss bestowed upon your lips quieting your own laughter. It would lead you to falling deeper into love with the man who really saw you and forgetting where you were. And then the boys would holler at the pair of you and you’d hide your face in Josh’s jacket before he’d help you up, with a pat to your bum before you inevitably made it back to the seat you were in now.

No. Now there was only this chair. And a borrowed water bottle to touch your lips. Fuck. You moved your mind to your escape plan.

The music would start soon anyway and then you could probably slip out to call an uber after a few songs. You heard Sam join the rest of the band on the wooden stage a few minutes later, his long legs thumping as he jumped up onto the stage and his drunken voice louder and whinier as he asked Danny to check his bass for him, since he was the birthday boy.

You peek out of one eye, too amused to miss the visuals of this exchange and see Danny shaking his head and muttering under his breath as he picks up Sam’s bass. Sam is smiling triumphantly with his hands on his hips, tapping his foot impatiently like the prince he was. Then your eyes slide to the right and see Jake and Josh huddled around Jake’s amp.

Just close your eyes. But you can’t.

Josh is all antsy. He’s waving his hands about and rocking Jake’s shoulders. Jake’s murmuring words below his breath trying to placate whatever situation his twin seems to be troubled by. You know it’s wrong to strain your ears to hear the conversation but you can’t help it.

“…just aren’t really my thing.” You catch the end of Josh’s slurred sentence. He’s still grinning as he complains.

Jake shakes his head. “They’re Sam’s thing since it’s Sam’s birthday.”

“I know we agreed to it but can’t we just, I don’t know, not?”

Jake laughed a little and tried to hide it with a cough, his eyes sliding to you for a quick moment. “Josh, it’s like 5 songs.”

“I’m slammed, man,” Josh stumbles on his footing, adding to his case accidentally.

“Just sing the choruses and then hit some high notes. He wants to jam anyway, you’re not on frontman duty tonight.”

“Oh please, Jake. I’m always on frontman—“ Josh’s train of thought runs off the tracks when his eyes finally catch yours.

You freeze. You weren’t moving anyway but you freeze all the same. Blood runs cold. Spine rigid. You don’t know how to breathe and you were right. You are going to die.

Josh is frozen too and Jake watches it unfold. Both of your faces were completely open with the pain. You could see it around the eyebrows and the lips and how it swelled through the irises of your eyes as you looked at one another.

Someone smashing a beer can followed by the electric thrum of a bassline makes you bring your free hand up in the air. It’s supposed to be a wave as it travels to the height of your head and then loses momentum, pausing for a moment as Josh’s eyes flicker to the movement before it falls again.

You drop your gaze to your lap while Josh stays on you. His similarly intense gaze burns you. He wants to come talk to you even though he has absolutely no idea what he’d say to you anyway. His feet even begin to lurch towards the end of the stage nearest you, but Jake pulls him back.

That succession of chords on Sam’s bass was his signal that he wanted to get the jam session started. It was followed by a verbal announcement from the birthday boy as well.

“Everyone come outside now. It’s time to hear me play sweet sweet music for you.” Sam says into the mic before handing it off to Josh.

Josh looks over at you one more time but you make sure your eyes are anywhere else on the stage but his face. He licks his lips and swaggers to center stage.

“Friends and family, loved and loathed ones, day trippers and moonbeam chasers,” Josh pauses for the roar of the crowd. Smaller than their concerts, obviously, but still spirited for the size of this party. “What a glorious fucking night to celebrate the birth of the youngest Kiszka.”

Maybe Danny expected Josh to say more because there’s a pause before the drum kicks in. Josh turns on his heel to face Danny and signals him to start. Danny counts them in and Jake walks them into a perfect cover of “The Lemon Song.”

Josh hated doing Led Zeppelin covers but Sam loved the bassline on this song. He’d been obsessed with it when he first started playing and Jake enjoyed the guitar on it too. So here Josh was, proving every critic correct that he could sound just like Robert Plant. Jake shredded away on Jimmy’s solo chords and then lowered his amp for an extended moment to give Sam a proper bass solo. And Josh admittedly got into the song, feeling the vibrations through his chest, getting lost on stage.

They transitioned straight into “Cold Cold Cold” and “Feel Good Inc.” Both with heavy basslines. Josh liked these two because he got to use his tambourine in the first and had few words in the second. He also skipped a lot of the words in the songs, not knowing them, but holding the microphone towards the crowd, telling them to sing along when it was the chorus or popular parts of them.

Then they took a break. Normally Josh might joke around. Tell a story about Sam when he was a weird little kid. Instead, he just took a swig from his beer beside the unutilized mic stand and talked in Jake’s ear until Sam signaled he was ready to continue. He had moved to the keyboard he had also brought out for the evening.

“This one’s a little on the nose but, hey, what little bro wants, little bro gets.”

Josh started singing the first verse of “I’m going to be a teenage idol” and you grimaced. You loved Elton John and if you thought more highly of yourself you would’ve thought Josh’s reluctance to sing this song was because it reminded him of you.

He tritely pointed to himself when he sang “it kind of makes me feel like a rock and roll star.” He paced around the stage, continuously sweeping his hands towards Sam as he expertly played the hard keys for the song. He sipped at his beer and belted one of the later verses with a passion that masked what you knew was sadness. Josh was a professional, so he knew how to keep his shit together even when he was drunk, but he wanted off this stage and you knew it.

Then the song ended. Your eyes watching Josh’s demeanor shift. “Thankfully this one isn’t…or is it?”

“Psycho Killer” started up and you couldn’t help the laugh that came past your lips. You pressed your hand to your mouth, feeling like you were betraying yourself. Josh hadn’t looked your way since they had started but somehow either his trained ear heard that or he had some psychic sense, because he stared at you again, faltering on the classic song’s lyrics.

Given the conversation you eavesdropped on, you weren’t sure if they had planned to play “Happiness is a Warm Gun” but they transitioned into it seamlessly from the last so they didn’t stop and Josh knew all the words. You two had listened to the Beatles’ white album countless times together. It was your favorite of theirs. You’d put it on all the time with Josh and he’d happily listen along, always acquiescing to your arguments about it even though he preferred Let It Be. On lazy Sunday mornings when you never got out of bed until dinner time. On the road, for tour or for road-trips you’d take together up to the cabin or little Airbnbs you’d found in cool spots.

This wasn’t your song though and for that you were thankful. You might’ve thrown up if for some reason Sam had added that to the setlist. You might’ve found a way to time travel and kill Paul McCartney before he could add a bassline to that song if that would’ve stopped that. You’d give up the existence of that song before Josh sang it in front of a small crowd where you weren’t the one he was singing it for anymore.

Again, your imagination was running wild tonight. Seeing Josh’s beautiful face brought back every memory you had with him. The last few years had been the best years of your life. Meaning that these past few months have been the hardest of your life. Half the time you weren’t even sure if it was life anymore.

So many memories were from nights just like tonight, but he wouldn’t be some distant figure causing building anxiety as you steal glances at one another from across the yard. You used to be the one keeping up with him, telling stories together and getting drunk to aid in your fun rather than to run away from your hangups. Stealing kisses and sneaking off to empty hallways or plain taking off early to be alone together again.

You couldn’t help getting lost in the sound of Jake making the guitar riffs his own, the velvet of Josh’s voice and how all four of them meshed their instruments so expertly, making any song something special. Your eyes had shut and you were swaying in your seat to the music. Loving it. This piece of connection could never be severed. All your silly feelings forgotten for one blissful moment before the music came to an abrupt and cruel end.

Sam took the mic from Josh who almost let it carelessly fall to the floor. “Thank you all for coming! Love you guys!” Sam quickly called before being pulled off the stage by his girlfriend who was eager to make out with her man.

You grimaced. You knew how she felt. Goddamnit.

Josh doesn’t immediately come up to you. Not that you were hoping for that. You actually were dreading the moment when you two finally spoke again. You two hadn’t had much contact since the breakup, so your last verbal conversation had been about you picking up the rest of your stuff from his place in December. Over the phone. You still had a key so you came when he was out.

You pinched the bridge of your nose and sat forward, willing those memories to stay put in the locked cabinet you were never going to revisit. Leaving seemed like a good idea now. You’d paid your birthday dues, shown up and even stayed for the show. Slipping off seemed ideal. You just needed to return Danny’s water bottle to him.

He was still at the bandstand, in front of his drum kit with Jake and another guy from their work, Brian (you think). You stood, feeling a little better but still pretty high given your major break from the drug prior to tonight. You blinked a few times, double checking that none of the guys in the small huddle transformed into Josh suddenly before you got to them.

Jake gave you a hand up onto the stage and you thanked him, before handing Danny his water and thanking him for it as well. He reassures you that it was his pleasure and then he thanked you for leaving him water in it. He was a wonder to you and you smiled genuinely at his kindness. You missed him. You missed all of them.

You rocked on your heels and fidgeted your hands to rest on your hips. “Well, I’m gonna head out I think. This was plenty for me and my old self.” You proclaim when the conversation lulls.

Jake nods, not even trying to get you to stay, whereas Maybe Brian protests, saying the night was still young. Danny shoots him a look with a subtle head shake and you smile at your feet. These guys still had your back and for that you were grateful. You hugged Danny and told him to tell Sam goodbye for you in case you didn’t bump into him on your way out. As you were leaning into Jake’s warm side for the second time tonight, a voice interrupts the farewells.

“Dan, have you seen my elf–” Josh stops talking again, eyes widening on your face.

You don’t freeze this time, immediately dropping away from Jake. It wasn’t wrong, but you also couldn’t face Josh while touching his twin. Josh must have missed you within the group, hidden among the taller men.

“Hey, I was just leaving,” You say, your voice quivering a little with nerves, barely aware of what you were saying.

“Hello,” Josh slurs after a weighted moment. His eyes slid along your face and down your entire body, as if they had been starved of you since he’d last looked at you. He looks away, back to Danny. “I think, perhaps, I left it in the kitchen. Thanks Daniel.” He flips on his heel and wanders off.

You can’t help but watch him go. It’s not your fault your eyeline is directly aligned with where the girl from earlier is positioned right next to the door to inside. Or that you catch how he pulls her back into his side and she laughs at whatever he has said just for her. It was right in front of you. What were you supposed to do? Tear your eyeballs out? Now that’s a thought.

His bright mustard jacket eventually disappears between the various bodies and his hair is obscured by the dim lights in the house. He’s gone, laughing with her just like you two used to.

“Well, if that’s not my cue,” You let the silence that follows finish your thought for you.

Jake apologizes for Josh and you tell him it’s not necessary. Really. It’s been five months. It was mutual. If anything it was you who initiated it. If Josh can’t speak to you or if he’s seeing someone new. That’s just fine. Fine. So fine.

Your uber takes you home and you don’t cry. You don’t let yourself. Something possesses you in the morning to type out an email though. You’re not sure why you don’t just send a text. The email feels less personal, less intimate than a text. Less risky. And somehow more private. It was almost like sending a letter, which you used to send Josh on occasion–of course, those were love letters.

Hey there bud… You look at the words and almost throw your computer out of the window. Bud? Bud!? You couldn’t write anything else though, anything less was too little, too strange, anything more, like his name, was too intimate, too much.

How’d it go last night?

Your love letters used to read like poetry and you guessed this was kind of like that, but it wasn’t a love letter. You still could just save it as a draft and never send it after all.

I saw you at the bandstand looking pretty slammed. You used the exact word Josh had described himself last night. It had been repeating in your mind all night. Did you see me feeding my drink to Jake? Probably not I guess, you were quite the mess. And that girl who tagged along there with you, I never caught her name, but she seemed fucked up too.

You read it over and thought that it was maybe too harsh. But it was the truth. You needed to get it off your chest. He hadn’t let you talk last night so you wanted to share your night with him now even if you hadn’t gotten to last night.

From where I sat, she looked to be havin’ fun, keeping up with you just like I used to.

How’d it go last night? I’m sorry to have ditched out but I was pretty high. Heard from Danny that on his stumble home, Jake was puking up all the shit he’d drunk.

Though we didn’t talk much, how’d your evening go? You barely spoke a word to me, besides that slurred “Hello”... I happened to see without even trying, how she laughed with you just like I used to.

You were rambling, you couldn’t get it all out. But you cut yourself off. That was all you could say. So you read it over about five more times and changed a few commas and added spacing and you wondered if Josh would think you had gone off the deep end with this one. Your first form of communication with him in months. By e-mail for some reason.

The thought of not sending it crossed your mind a few more times before you took a breath and hovered the mouse over the ‘Send’ button. Finally clicking it when you finished the exhale. You wanted him to know.

When Josh woke up, close to noon with an awful hangover and an unfamiliar bed, he groaned and covered his face when the headache pounded against his skull harder.

“Fuck my life,” he murmured. He rolled from his back to his side, his legs swinging to tether him to the carpeted floor. Where the fuck was he?

“You’re awake!” The girl popped her head in, her hair wet from the shower she had just taken. “Do you want breakfast? Or coffee?”

“Uh…” Josh stared at his feet, wiggling his toes to remind him of reality. “No, I should go home.”

She smiles, sporting her best look, as if last night hadn’t emotionally wrecked her like it had Josh. That actually made sense. “Yeah. See you again soon?”

“Yeah. I’ll call you…” Josh reassures, beginning to put his pants on. His words were an afterthought as he pieced together last night's events. “Have fun at your ceramics class today!”

He shuffled out of the door just as she responded, towel still messing with her tips. “It’s painting!”

Josh mumbled his apologies as he walked down the street hoping that his car would pop up among the different vehicles parked on the street. He definitely hadn’t driven there after the party but maybe he had brought his car to her place beforehand. He was still working through the night. And his mind was focused on all the moments where you had popped up.

He’d seen you disappear out of the kitchen with his brother. He’d seen you next to the bandstand a couple times and then he’d seen you when he’d drunkenly asked Danny if he’d seen his elfbar. Could he be more of an idiot? He rubbed at his pained forehead again as he looked up and down the street once more before deciding that he hadn’t driven his car to this woman’s house.

They’d gone out on a couple of dates, set up by mutual friends that were closer with her than Josh but he was trying and he wanted to try. Even if all he really wanted to do was call you and beg you to forget about the last few months.

Too focused on making it home and one to always dismiss his email notifications, Josh didn’t notice the message from you until he had made it home and successfully made himself a pot of coffee and had a necessary shower, leaving him in his sweatpants and curled up in his bed that used to be shared, ‘ours’.

His phone had been charging so he unplugged it and rolled to the other side of the bed, which he still felt guilty for. Like you’d walk through the door any moment and playfully grumble at him for being a bed hog.

Complete privacy and total boredom eventually made him check his e-mail. He might have a package coming after all, he couldn’t remember, and his headache had mostly cleared away but looming anxieties nagged at him. He couldn’t keep getting drunk and hooking up with his casual flings. It was going to catch up with him and he knew it. He just hated to admit it.

Your name on his screen was especially sobering. He had longed for it to pop up. Preferably in a phone call or text format, asking to meet up and talk over everything one more time that actually leads to you getting back together. But hey, he’d settle for an e-mail at this point. Because that is what he had received.

He took a deep breath and allowed his hovering thumb to click down on it. It was your poem/accusation and he read it over and over double checking that it was indeed your words and not lyrics from a song or someone else. No, he recognized your voice in the words and how you phrased it. The ‘hey there bud’ made him laugh. You were so weird. He missed it.

All the love letters were in his side table drawer still. Maybe it would’ve been healthier to move them to a box not so close to where he slept, but he couldn’t bear it. You used to post them from around town so that they could get sent to the house you both lived in. It sent him over the moon whenever he recognized your handwriting of his name on the front of a piece of mail and you’d giggle behind your cup of coffee, slyly slinking off to let him read it in private.

After he’d finish reading, he’d wander the house until he found you and press kisses all over your face while he repeated confessions of love, over and over while you shrieked and laughed at his attack of love.

This e-mail made him sad, but also hopeful. He was going to reply.

Hey there…How’d last night go for you? I know when I saw you at the bandstand, I said I was slammed to Jake. Did you overhear or is that just some strange coincidence? I probably should’ve given some of my drinks away. I was quite the mess, you’re right.

And the girl…she’s a part of the mistakes I’ve been making since the break up. I’m sorry you had to see that. And I’m sorry all I said was Hello. I didn’t know what to say…as you could probably tell. Josh smiled down at his phone, your eyes had been so wide with surprise upon seeing him up so close. The look on your face had been a dagger to his heart, twisting deeper when you said you were heading out.

I was thinking back just the other day, remember when we used to sneak out late to go and blaze after everyone else at the party had gone home or passed out?

Seems like loneliness is all we’ll ever do now. At least for me. Maybe you weren’t lonely, I don’t want to assume. I was surrounded by people all night, these past four months too, and I’ve never felt more alone.

I’m glad you messaged me. I’m sorry I didn’t do it first. He wondered if he should add the next piece. Was it wrong? Should he leave it at that. The stabbing pain in his chest returned and he wanted to be brave for you. Just for the chance, you could shoot him down but he’d know that he’d tried. I’ve been going to a new coffee place downtown. Northside CoffeeHouse. I think you’d like it. They make the cinnamon rolls just the way you like.

Josh swallowed hard and sent the email before he could think too hard about it. He hoped he wasn’t being presumptuous that you would remember his routine. Coffee out on weekends usually between 9 and 10.

You read over the email that came through from Josh a few times. His mention of loneliness made your heart sink, you hated to think of Josh carrying a pain like yours. The thought kind of hurt more than your own heartbreak.

You knew what he was saying with his mention of the coffeeshop. Tomorrow he’d probably be there if you went when he used to. Josh was secretly a creature of habit despite advocating for chaos most of the time.

Josh arrived at Northside at 9 am sharp, just in case you came on the early side. He patiently waited in the line for coffee and took a seat by the window. He checked his phone every few minutes, confused why time suddenly moved so slow.

He remembered the first coffee date you had gone on with him. You both had been late so he should’ve known then that you were the one for him. He showed up twenty minutes late (ten by accident and then an extra ten getting apology flowers) and you ran in five minutes later, out of breath, apologizing that you were so late. Josh was overjoyed to tell you he’d also been late and was so extremely worried about you not being there when he’d arrive. He picked up the flowers on the table and handed them to you, shyly explaining he’d gotten extra late grabbing these and you’d laughed, glancing between the plants and the strangely bashful guy in front of you. You’d been hooked ever since.

You had been introduced to Josh when you had gotten invited to tagalong with a work friend to a VIP section of a concert series in Nashville. Josh and his brothers had been there and somehow your friend had run into them a few times at stuff like this. You hadn’t initially realized Josh was hitting on you as you talked the evening away with him about all things music and your very different jobs so you were surprised when he asked you out on the coffee date, but you hadn’t declined. Afterall, he was Josh.

The rest, as they say, is history. Much to your chagrin. You replayed that first date over and over as you paced up and down the cross street for the coffee shop you assumed Josh was now waiting for you at.

With a single white Peruvian lily clutched in your hand, you finally turned the corner and marched yourself into the coffee shop. You didn’t look in the windows, you were too focused on getting yourself through the door so you had to look around the room for Josh after entering. Your hand was holding so tightly to the flower’s stem you worried you’d break it if you didn’t set it down soon.

His back was facing you, he’d been looking down the other side of the street and had no idea you’d entered as he was beginning to resign himself to the fact that maybe you didn’t want to see him. It was almost 10 am when you arrived.

“Josh,” you sigh, hand touching his shoulder as you turn to face them.

He looks up and the smile on his face almost brings tears to your eyes. It’s the one you’ve missed so much. You can’t help the frown that it brings to your face as you will away the tears.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” Josh says, standing to hug you because he knew your facial expressions by heart too.

You laugh and the stem in your hand finally snaps at his touch. It’s too much. Josh pulls back and looks down at your hand and laughs for a different reason. He motions to the table and your eyes sweep the two empty coffee cups he must have drank waiting for you, his phone and a bouquet of the very same flower, just like the ones he’d given you three and a half years ago.

“Can I go order you something?” Josh asks softly. “I didn’t want to order the cinnamon roll until you got here. I wanted it to still be warm.”

You bite your lip. He was still so sweet and thoughtful. You laugh again and nod your head. He knew you needed a moment to ground yourself so he let you have some time to yourself. He walked to the counter and ordered what you always got and a cinnamon roll to share.

You placed your broken flower with his bouquet, your hands ran gently over the pearly petals, careful not to cause any dents or creases. After studying them, you feel a little less overwhelmed and you lift your head to watch Josh. He’s paying with cash and you’re endeared how he still clumsily handles the coins despite how often he likes to pay with physical money.

He thanks the barista who was now very accustomed to Josh, considering it was his third time up at the counter in the last hour. You smile sheepishly at Josh as he smooths his palms down his khakis, coming back to you.

Your conversation is stilted while he waits for his name to be called. He doesn’t want to get into the nitty gritty when he knows there’s an impending interupter. You thank him for the flowers and apologize for your broken attempt.

He smiles down at the baker's dozen of flowers. “I like it. Here.” His fingers delicately move the broken pieces back into place and then moves your single flower into the center of the bouquet. “It’s all patched up now.”

You smile and meet his eyes, knowing the Josh metaphor he was trying to obviously make. His name is called saving you from saying more on the subject for the moment. He hands you your drink and places one fork facing you and one facing him on the edge of the cinnamon roll’s box. You thank him again and he hushes you, saying you didn’t need to keep thanking him.

You quiet as you try the treat. Josh watches your reaction with barely contained glee, knowing you’d loved it. You had missed this feeling. This feeling of someone knowing you so well. How Josh took care of you and how, in return, you took care of him. You grinned, reassuring him that yes it was great.

You quiet down again about the food. Josh and you smile at one another and it feels like nothing has changed. You want to believe it.

“Mornings are meant to be spent with you,” Josh blurts out, nerves obvious in his voice. “Soft rock music playing while I bestow a thousand kisses across your body.”

“There’s the Josh I know,” you tease but you’re beaming at him.

Flashes of the mornings he was referencing came to mind.

Josh curled around you or you curled around Josh, Velvet Underground and Grateful Dead records on. Sunlight filtering across the floral sheets you’d bought for him as a welcome back from tour present after Dreams in Gold. Smooth skin against skin as Josh presses kisses to your forehead and yours against his sternum. He’s laughing when you tickle him and you laugh too, happy to be keeping up with him. Just like you used to.

lmk what you think!

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obetrolncocktails · 11 months

Text

Deception | Josh Kiszka X Reader | Part 1

Warnings: This fic will include angst and smut. If those aren't your thing, don't read! Minors DNI!

Word Count: 2.1K

Authors Note: I had a hurtful, but oh so deliciously angsty idea for a fic involving Josh and a reader who was a fan, and led josh on to believe that they met naturally in a grocery store.

Summary: Be careful what you wish for. Wishes answered always come with consequences.

His sheets smelled of fresh linen, like fresh clothes pulled from a clothesline, crisp with the scent of sunshine. You’d burrowed yourself into them like a cocoon of welcome warmth, wrapping yourself in the swaths of fabric.

“For someone who claims to be so hot all the time, you sure look like you’re ready to hibernate,” Josh mused, strolling into the bedroom as he sipped from the lip of a large mug. He was prepared, having made you one as well. You offered him a gentle smile.

“I’m comfy,” you replied, satisfied with the simplicity of your response.

“Sit up, silly,” He said, lowering himself onto the bed, carefully handing you your piping-hot cup of coffee. Wisps of steam billowed over the top of the mug and you sipped tentatively at the liquid, feeling it instantly liven your body from head to toe.

“How does it feel to be twenty-six years and three hundred and sixty-four days old?” you asked him, eyeing him from over the lip of the cup.

“Geez, when you say it like that, you make me sound ancient,” he chuckled. You loved the way his lips curled upward when he grinned, revealing his brilliant, white teeth. The slight gap between his front two teeth always sent flutters through your body. You caught yourself admiring his delicate, but masculine features. “But I’m excited! I never thought I’d end up planning my own birthday party.” He looked at you with amusement.

“Come on. You mean to tell me you didn’t enjoy designing your own birthday cake?” You said, taking another long swig of your coffee before lowering it to your lap as you crossed your legs. “Only you would choose that symbol.”

His widening grin told you all you needed to know. “Yeah, that was pretty cool.” His eyes glimmered with child-like amusement, which sent a pang through your chest. “I’m just glad that everyone can make it, you know? It’s hard these days to get everyone in one place at the same time.”

You nodded, reaching to place the cup on the bedside table. “Sam, Danny and I made sure that everyone could make it.” You ruffled your messy hair with your fingertips, watching him finish off his coffee. “We threatened physical violence if they didn’t.”

“Okay, but who’s the one throwing the punches?” Josh asked, his eyebrows raised with amusement.

“Who do you think?” You answered, lifting your fists playfully in front of you. “They don’t want it, I promise you.”

“Put your guns away,” He chuckled. “I bet you Jake is gonna be so jealous,” He continued, setting his cup on the side table before moving back to lay on the bed and prop up his head on his hand. His eyes brightened, his cheeks filling with color.

“Of what?” You asked, taking another sip of your coffee.

“My party.” He said lightly.

“I mean, you are the more performative of the two, so…” You admitted. He turned to you, scoffing incredulously.

“Now what is that supposed to mean?” He asked, gawking. He couldn’t hide, though, that his features were fighting the urge to twist into a ridiculous smirk. His eyes seemed to glitter as he questioned you.

“Nothing!” You said, rolling out of bed with your empty coffee cup.

“No, no! You don’t get off that easy,” Josh said, pulling at the thin fabric of your sleep shorts, pulling you back closer to him.

“Oh , you want me to say sorry?” You asked him, biting your bottom lip as your eyes glimmered with mischief.

“I thought maybe you could show me you’re sorry instead,” he said. “Come here.”

You obeyed him, leaning closer to him. “Yes sir.”

The intensity in his eyes deepened as his fingertips pulled upward to gently caress your chin and jaw, drawing your face forward to meet with his lips. The feeling of his touch ignited the heat between your thighs. Josh’s boyish features could easily morph in the matter of seconds into something almost siren-like—He naturally honed the ability to unconsciously will you to do anything for him with just a look. He harnessed the power to peer straight through your soul like glass, like he could somehow see all of you at once, including your every thought, worry, and desire. At the beginning of the relationship, it had made you feel extremely vulnerable and unguarded, but now? Now, you found comfort in him knowing everything about you. Well, almost everything. There were certain things that you weren’t ready to tell him yet. You’d wait for the right time to come clean.

You gave in to the gentle caress of his velvet lips and folded your body into an innate dance, moving in an exact mirror to him as he explored you. “You want me to show you just how sorry I am?” You whispered against his parted lips, your voice barely more than a huff of breath as your instincts began to take over. His hands slid to your hips, pulling you against him. You took that as his answer.

“Go right ahead,” he purred softly. It was moments like these when you’d often felt most vulnerable in front of a man. In most of your previous relationships, you’d been so reluctant to let your partners in, to see the most vulnerable, insecure, and sensitive parts of yourself. You’d built your walls with an impenetrable defense, constructed by so many years of hating your own body more than anyone else could. Recently, it was becoming clearer to you that there was one thing that you knew for sure about Josh. He silently set himself apart from everyone else. Not once had he ever judged you for your appearance; for the extra curves, the extra pounds, the imperfect folds and creases that were so ugly to you, but so perfect to him. Even so, he didn’t feel pity for you, either. He treated you like a person, not the fragile pane of glass you had let yourself become in the hands of so many past partners’ hands. Not a single interaction was laced with unspoken judgment, because the truth was simple. Being fat meant nothing to Josh.

You remembered those first days when Josh all but begged you to stop apologizing for the things that you couldn’t and shouldn’t change, constantly reminding you that you were a beautiful woman. “You are allowed to take up space in this world. Stop apologizing for abiding in it, Y/n. You have nothing to worry about when you’re with me,” he had said to you after a few dates, when you’d make it a point to apologize or somehow discount your appearance or importance. You couldn’t help it. It had become the safest defense mechanism that you could create; you’d insult yourself before anyone else could beat you to it.

You let yourself fall after those first few weeks, and unsurprisingly, it was one of the easiest decisions you had ever made. The loop of his fingers around yours began to feel so natural and reassuring. You could count on him to encourage you to try new things, to leave you in stitches from laughing, and at the end of the night, you could rest assured that he’d leave you thinking about him for every moment he wasn’t with you.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked, the corners of his lips twitching upward in a curious smile.

“You,” you answered honestly, reaching forward to tuck some of his curls behind his ear.

“Oh no,” he answered, his cheeks flushing. “Should I be running for cover?” He asked, pretending to get up.

“No, no, come back here,” you said, pulling at his arm. You let the moment settle into contented silence as you both let your gaze linger between each other. “Can I tell you something?”

“Always. What’s up?” Josh asked, moving to caress your arm softly as you prepared to speak. You pulled yourself upward to sit straight on the bed, and he did the same, sitting in front of you.

“You are–” you paused for a moment, figuring out the next words before speaking again. “You are the closest thing I’ve had to a home in a very, very long time, and I think I’m ready.” You both had agreed that sex wasn’t expected in the relationship until you had told him so, and even then, with Josh, you knew that you wanted it to be special when it was time.

“Ready for?” He asked, his eyes widening slightly. You watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed.

“I am ready to be with you. I am ready to have sex, if and when you are.” You pulled your gaze upward to look him in the eye. “I want to be yours completely, Josh. You make me feel beautiful, and I think I am beginning to believe it, too.” The words spilled out of you easily, because for the first time, you believed them.

“You are truly marvelous,” he spoke, straightening to sit cross legged again on the bed. “I am a lucky man, and I gotta say. Thank God we love the same pasta sauce.” You couldn’t help but chuckle as he recounted your first meeting at Kroger. You had been choosing between pasta sauces, and couldn’t decide whether to stay with your tried-and-true selection or try something new.

“You want this one,” he had said, pointing to the one in your right hand–the one that was your favorite. You looked up, and were automatically struck by his natural beauty–the mixture of feminine and masculine features which were combined in an almost artistic product. You couldn’t look him in the eye, and you certainly couldn’t talk straight.

“What?” You said after a long moment, yanking yourself out of your daze. “Oh. Yeah, this one? You said, raising the jar in the air. “It’s my favorite. Don’t break it if it isn’t fixed–right?” You decided to keep your mouth shut rather than fix the saying that you had just butchered so badly. Josh laughed, reaching for a jar of his own off of the shelf.

“Something like that, yeah.” His dimples were huge, and his teeth were so white they almost seemed to sparkle. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. For a moment, you forgot how to swallow, how to talk, how to breathe. How are you real? You remembered thinking to yourself.

“Sorry, I’m just a little–frazzled. I’m Y/n.” you said, stupidly extending your hand to him.

“Don’t worry, Y/n. Grocery shopping can really take it out of us,” he said, taking your hand. You were grateful for his skillful segue. “I’m Josh.”

You nodded. “Nice name,” you told him before mentally kicking yourself in the head. You’d wished you’d worn steel toes, and also that you had crazy flexibility so you could kick yourself across the pasta aisle. God I’m so fucking dumb.

“I’d say yours is far more lovely,” he said, saving you again, and you couldn’t save the heat from filling your face. You were becoming intensely aware of your insecurities as you felt his eyes float over your body and back up to your face.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, feeling anxiety exploding through your system like a disturbed hornet’s nest.

“Well, I hope your pasta turns out delicious,” he said. “I can tell you’ve got great taste,” he said, putting the jar in his small hand basket.

“You too,” you said with a gentle smile. “Only losers eat Prego,” you said with a grin.

“That’s a bold statement, Y/n. We need to make sure that Campbell’s Soup Company isn’t listening to our every word.” You couldn’t help but snicker, accidentally snorting at the stupid joke.

“Stupid joke?” he asked, reading your mind.

“Yeah, I gotta admit. It was a terrible joke,” you said, your cheeks aching painfully from grinning.

“Ah well, I’m known for them, so,” he shrugged, adjusting his basket in the crook of his elbow. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around, Y/n. If I see you next time, maybe we’ll compare ingredients again.”

“I’m ready for you,” Josh said. “I’ve known it’s you for a while now,” he admitted, reaching forward to take your hands in his. “I want to make it special,” He continued. “Let me make you dinner. You already know what’s on the menu, besides you, of course,” he said with a soft grin.

“Josh Kiszka’s world famous Spaghetti?” You said, eyeing him with a smirk.

“You know it!” He said excitedly. “Come here, let me kiss you.”

You obeyed him instantly, leaning forward into his awaiting embrace, letting yourself be truly loved for the first time.

You heard a buzz from your phone on the side table, but ignored it.

You’re a whore for going after the celebrities you write such filthy smut about. I’ve found you, and it’s only a matter of time before everyone finds out about your little secret. Could be fun, don’t you think?

End of part 1.

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hearts-hunger · 1 year

Text

bringing me home to you || josh kiszka x reader

Read on AO3 | Cabin Fever Masterlist | Full Masterlist

Summary: You want to be happy when you see those two little lines, but Josh has been so distant. What if he's not happy too? || Standalone in the Cabin Fever universe

Pairings: Josh Kiszka x Wife!Reader, Jake x Sparrow, Sam x Danny | Genres: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff | Word Count: 4.8k | Warnings: pregnancy

A/N: Fair warning, I made myself emotional with this one. It's set 10 years after Cabin Fever (and 9 years after No Strings Attached). I hope you like it! ♡

The only thing you felt as you looked at the two little lines was panic.

You hated it; you wanted to be able to celebrate, to be happy that a new little Kiszka was coming into the world. You remembered the first time you’d seen these lines, a little over three years ago now — you and Josh had been over the moon. Your little boy was a blessing, and his existence had brought nothing but joy and wonder since the moment you found out he was on his way. It should be the same for this baby.

You set the test on the counter and sat on the edge of the bathtub with your eyes squeezed shut, hoping for a few seconds of peace as you pretended it didn’t exist. It made you feel worse, actually, and you swallowed around the tightness of tears in your throat.

“Mama!”

You straightened, wiping the few stray tears from your face. “I’m coming, buddy.”

You came out of the ensuite to see JD grinning at you from your bed, holding up the shape he’d constructed out of giant Lego blocks.

“Issa sword,” he told you.

You tried for a smile. “I see, honey.” You didn’t, really, but sometimes the only true interpreter of the art was the artist.

You climbed up with him in bed, taking his sword when he handed it to you.

“Fight, mama.” He held another oddly-shaped sword aloft, and you gently tapped yours against it a few times. He gave yours an enthusiastic whack and giggled when the Legos came apart.

“Oh no, poor little sword,” he said in his sweet voice. You’d started to hear hints of Josh’s unique accent appearing in his son’s, and you loved everything that made them alike. You couldn’t help but wonder how your new baby would take after your husband, and you tried to keep from crying as you brushed a hand through JD’s dark curls.

There was a knock on the front door a few minutes later, and JD looked up from his toys with a delighted gasp.

“Uncle Jake!” he whispered, his eyes wide.

You gave a soft laugh. “I think so. Let’s go see.”

JD had abandoned his Legos and was speeding down the hall before you’d even gotten out of bed. You knew he wouldn’t open the door without you, but you weren’t surprised to see him with his face pressed to the sidelight window, fairly jumping up and down for joy.

“Uncle Jake!” he all but yelled. “And Sa-row!”

Jake was ready when you opened the door, scooping up his little nephew as soon as he came running towards him.

“Hello!” JD cried with a beaming smile.

Jake grinned. “Hi, buddy. I’m so happy to see you.”

“I love you!” JD agreed, wrapping his arms around Jake’s neck. Jake gave him a few kisses on his baby-soft cheeks and let him down to run over to Sparrow when JD reached for his aunt.

“Oh, Sa-row!” JD said, hugging Sparrow's leg. “Hi!”

“Hi, sweetheart,” Sparrow cooed. “How are you?”

“Good!” JD said eagerly. He reached a tentative hand up. “I say hi to baby?”

Sparrow smiled. “Of course. Thank you for asking.”

You felt your chest tighten as JD put a gentle hand on Sparrow’s round belly.

“Baby,” he said appreciatively. He stood on tiptoes to give Sparrow’s belly a kiss. “Hi, baby.”

Your hand fluttered up to your mouth; you had the impulse to muffle a sob before it came out, but you managed to find some self control before you made a fool of yourself.

“Come see my sword,” JD said, taking Sparrow’s hand. You stepped aside to let your sister-in-law come in with your little boy, both of them chattering away like songbirds as they headed for your bedroom. Jake lingered at the door with you, pushing his sunglasses into his hair as he came inside.

“Hiya, kiddo,” he said, giving your cheek a kiss. “How’s things?”

“Good, yeah.” Your voice was tight, and you cleared your throat. “I’ll just go get JD’s bag for you.”

You turned to go, trying to escape to the kitchen for a moment to collect yourself, but Jake put a hand to your arm before you could.

“Hey,” he said, searching your face with a worried, loving gaze. “You okay?”

You nodded, all of a sudden trying desperately not to burst into tears. You wanted to tell him; you knew Jake would listen and try to help, and you knew he would be happy for you when you couldn’t seem to be happy for yourself. But Josh didn’t even know yet, and as much as you dreaded the thought of telling him, you knew your husband should be the first to know.

“I’m fine,” you said after a moment. You managed a smile to try and ease his worry. “Just tired. Josh and I have been...”

You trailed off before you said any more. Talking to Jake was a dangerous game, one you had plenty of experience with; there was just something about him that made it easy to be honest with him, even when you maybe didn’t want to be.

He raised a brow, a hint of teasing in his expression.

“You and Josh have been what?” he asked. “Gettin’ it on all night?”

You breathed a mirthless laugh. “Yeah, something like that.” Really, it had been weeks since you and Josh had done anything in bed other than sleep. He’d been so busy with getting the album finished, doing promo shoots and interviews and last-minute fixes to the recordings; he left home early and came home late, and his patience was shorter than you’d ever remembered it being. He hadn’t tried to be close to you, sometimes actively avoiding you, and you’d taken the hint.

The reminder of the current state of your marriage was a painful one, and you tried to get out from under Jake’s observant gaze before he knew you weren’t telling him the truth.

“Well, take a nap or something before you come over,” he said, thankfully not pressing any further. “Sam and Danny are coming around six, and I’ll probably start grilling whenever they show up. You got time.”

“Maybe I will,” you said. Jake and Sparrow were hosting a dinner party to celebrate the last day of recording, and you’d been looking forward to it, not least because you hoped it would bring your sweet Josh back from wherever he’d gone the past few weeks.

“Did Josh say when he was coming home?” you asked.

Jake’s brow knit. “He’s not here? He left the studio over an hour ago.”

You rushed to mask the surprise and hurt you felt at that news.

“Oh, right, of course,” you said quickly. “I forgot I asked him to pick up something I needed to make dessert. He’s probably just taking forever at the store.”

It was a good lie, since Josh was notorious for getting sidetracked in the grocery store, and you were relieved when Jake seemed willing to buy it.

“What are you making?” he asked, still a little hesitant to believe you.

“Apple crumble,” you said, saying the first thing you thought of. To be honest, you hadn’t decided what you were making, but you guessed you’d made your decision now.

Sparrow and JD came back from your bedroom, Lego swords in hand, and you took the opportunity to get Jake out of your house before you got any closer to a tearful therapy session.

“Let me get his bag,” you said. “Do you want me to move his car seat to your car?”

“Nah,” Jake said. “I got it. Sparrow’s got me practicing for the big day.”

He shared a tender smile with his wife, and you felt like your heart was being torn in two. You pressed a nervous hand to your collarbone to self-soothe as you went to get JD’s bag from the kitchen counter where you’d packed it earlier.

You heard Jake say something to Sparrow; then, to your dismay, he followed you into the kitchen.

“Thanks for letting us take JD,” he said.

You couldn’t help a breath of a laugh. “You’re doing me a favor, Jake.” You’d been meaning to catch up on a few chores this afternoon, and not having a three-year-old underfoot would make it that much easier.

Jake smiled. “Maybe, but I still really appreciate it. Sparrow’s in a kind of ‘nervous-nesting’ mode now, and she keeps freaking out about not having any practice with kids. She’s been begging me to get JD over so she can make sure she sort of knows what she’s doing.”

“She doesn’t need practice,” you said, looking through the open front door to see Sparrow leading your little boy outside with a gentle hand. “She knows what to do.”

“I know,” Jake said, and his voice was affectionate. “I keep trying to tell her. But she didn’t grow up in a big family, you know, and she gets more nervous every day we get closer to her due date.”

You thought almost detachedly of when your due date was. You felt an odd sort of panic; part of you felt like it was written on your forehead, that Jake would figure out you were pregnant any second now just by looking at you. The other part of you, the one you leaned into, distanced yourself from it until it felt entirely unreal.

You handed Jake the little backpack with a cartoon dinosaur on it.

“Sparrow is going to be the perfect mom, and you’re going to be the perfect dad,” you said, meaning it, teasing a little so Jake wouldn’t get emotional. “That’s why I won’t even remind you to make sure my three-year-old doesn’t get a hold of any kitchen knives or chew on any batteries.”

Jake laughed. “Scout’s honor, honey. No knives or batteries.”

You walked him out, leaning against the doorframe as Jake buckled the car seat in with plenty of hovering from his wife. JD gave you a happy wave and a sweet “bye, mama!” as they drove off, and you stood in the doorway for a long moment after they’d gone.

You didn’t bother to text Josh as you went inside. If he hadn’t felt the need to let you know he was going to be late coming home, you weren’t sure why you should bother. You felt numb as you went through the motions of starting the recipe, setting the caramel sauce to simmer on the stove. Maybe you’d decide not to go to dinner at all.

You leaned against the counter and looked through the french doors to the back yard. The trees were bright and colorful with springtime, birds flitting to and fro in their branches, sunlight dappled through the leaves. You and Josh had loved this house for lots of reasons, but the back yard was the big selling point; Josh loved to take JD outside and play, tramping through the woods that bordered your yard, pushing him on the swing Josh had put in one of the trees, lying on their backs in the grass and watching clouds go by.

You imagined Josh with another baby in his arms, one with a tiny fist wrapped around Josh’s pinkie, one who got plenty of whiskery kisses from him. You wanted to believe that Josh would be happy when you told him, but you weren’t sure of anything right now; his distance, his short temper, his apathy towards anything that didn’t have to do with work was a heavy weight on you. Would he be pleased with a baby neither of you had planned on? Or would he secretly resent that it hadn’t happened at a better time?

Those kinds of thoughts circled around and around, spinning like wheels stuck in a ditch. You looked blankly outside and barely registered the sound of the front door opening.

“Uh, holy shit?”

You startled at the sound of Josh’s panicked voice. You turned to see him rushing into the kitchen, grabbing the saucepan of scorched and smoking caramel.

Your eyes widened. “Oh, Josh, I — ”

He tossed the saucepan in the sink, making you flinch with the loud noise.

“What are you doing, baby?” he asked, frustrated and alarmed. “Trying to set the house on fire, or what?”

Your eyes flooded with tears at his tone, but you didn’t let them fall.

“No, I — I just — ”

“Where’s JD?” he asked, a little frantic as he looked around for your son.

You felt like you’d been punched low and hard at the thought that Josh didn’t trust you to make sure your little boy was safe.

“He’s with Jake and Sparrow,” you said. “He’s not even here.”

Josh relaxed a little, though he was still obviously irritated as he ran a hand over his face and turned the stove off.

“I’m sorry about the pan, Josh,” you said, your voice tight and small. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“You weren’t paying attention. Okay.” He brushed past you to open the french doors, trying to clear the smoke from the burnt caramel.

“That’s great, baby,” he muttered. “Leaves me with a lot of confidence.”

“I said I was sorry,” you said quietly. You couldn’t believe you’d done something as stupid and dangerous as completely checking out while you were cooking, but Josh wasn’t helping.

He sighed. “Yeah, it’s... I mean, whatever. The first thing I saw when I got home was you off in la-la-land and a house fire waiting to happen two feet away, but it’s fine.”

“Maybe if you had been home it wouldn’t have happened,” you snapped, unable to keep a handle on your anger and embarrassment.

He raised a brow. “I have to be home to make sure you pay attention when you’re cooking something?”

You flushed. “No, and I’m sorry I forgot you’ve never made a mistake in your entire life. Forgive me for not realizing I was married to the perfect Joshua Michael Kiszka.”

He rolled his eyes, knowing from your use of his full name that you were good and angry with him.

“Alright, baby. I’m not in the mood to fight.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I snapped at you about the pan, okay? Can we move on?”

“Where were you, anyway?” you asked, purposefully ignoring him. “Jake said you left the studio before everybody else. Why didn’t you come home?”

“I met Joe for a drink,” he said, unconcerned but exasperated at your determination to have it out. “Why? Did I have to be home for something?”

“No,” you admitted. “But I...” But what? You just wanted him home to be with you? Why? So you could keep walking on eggshells around each other until one of you finally snapped and started an argument?

You shook your head. “Never mind. You didn’t have to be home, so it’s not a big deal.”

You crossed to the sink and ran cool water over the pan so you could clean it, glad for a few moments with your back to Josh.

“You’re acting like it’s a big deal,” he said.

You scrubbed the pan with a little more force than necessary. “I said it wasn’t, so it isn’t.”

He sighed. You’d heard that tired, defeated, slightly annoyed sigh of his so much these past few weeks you’d started to think it was the only sound he made when he saw you any more. You bit the inside of your cheek and kept scrubbing that stupid pan.

“Can I help you with anything now that I’m home?” he asked. “Do you want me to help you make... whatever you were making?”

You could tell he was trying to smooth things over, but you were still too frayed to let him. The cycle would only start again the next time you crossed paths, just like it had done for weeks.

“No,” you said. The unspoken request was crystal clear — leave me alone.

He sighed again, and you felt your whole body tense at the sound of it.

“Fine,” he said. “I’m going to get a shower before we leave for Jake’s.”

“Fine,” you agreed. “I don’t think I’ll go, but you can go and bring JD home later.”

“Wait, you’re not going?” he asked, and you were surprised to hear a touch of hurt in his voice. “Why not?”

You gave up on the pan and set it to soak, moving on to the other few dishes in the sink. “I just don’t want to go,” you said. “I’m... tired. I don’t know.” You wanted to ask if he even wanted you there, but you bit your tongue before you did.

“Jake’s been planning this forever,” he protested. “He’s been talking about it all week. If you’re not gonna go for me, at least go for him.”

You felt the sting of tears again, the dishes and sponge blurring in front of you as you thought of how easily Jake had read that there was something off with you, how quick he’d been to try and comfort you before he even knew what was wrong.

“Fine, okay,” you said, just wanting to get Josh out of the kitchen before you started crying. “But I need to get a shower after you, so go ahead and go.”

Josh didn’t say anything else as he left, but you could feel his frustration and exasperation like a weight on your chest. You took a shaky breath and kept washing dishes, unable to think about doing anything else for the moment.

“Baby.”

You sighed. “Yes, Josh?” Why couldn’t he just leave you be?

You heard him shift nervously, that one creaky board giving a tell-tale squeak underfoot.

“Is this, uh...” He sounded anxious, unsure. “I’m not trying to pry, but... is this yours?”

You took a deep breath, trying to control the urge to snap at him to leave you alone. “Is what mine?”

You looked over your shoulder and saw him holding the pregnancy test.

“Um... this.”

You couldn’t have bit back the sob that escaped you if you’d wanted to. The tears that you’d held at bay since you’d seen those two little lines suddenly would not be stopped, and your expression crumpled as tears streaked down your face.

“Baby,” Josh said, heartbroken. He left the test on the counter and came over to you.

“I d-didn’t mean for you to see it,” you sobbed, overwhelmed and panicked that he knew. “I’m s-sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” he asked, completely at a loss. “Sweetheart, there’s nothing to be sorry for.”

He tried to turn you around to face him, to take you in his arms, and you pulled back from his touch.

“Your shirt,” you said brokenly. “My h-hands are soapy.”

“I don’t care about my shirt, baby,” he said softly. “Come here.”

You let him hold you then, soapy hands crumpling the fabric of his shirt, so desperate to be near him that you felt your heart would break with the pain of it. You had missed him so terribly, had needed him so badly; now that you had him close, you buried your face in the crook of his neck and cried.

“It’s okay, baby,” he said. He hugged you tighter. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“I just took the test today,” you said, your voice wrecked with tears and muffled against his shoulder. “I was going to tell you, but I — ”

“I came home and yelled at you,” he said, guilty and apologetic. “I know. I’m sorry, baby.”

You sucked in a hitching breath. “It wasn’t just that. I — I was afraid to tell you,” you admitted in a small voice. “I didn’t know if you would be happy.”

He pulled back from you then. You cried harder at the hurt and sorrow in his expression.

“What do you mean you didn’t know?” he asked. His eyes were glassy with tears. “Did you... did you really think I wouldn’t be?”

“Well, you haven’t...” Your voice was wobbly, pitiful. “I mean, we haven’t been...” You raised a trembling hand to try and brush away the tears that wouldn’t stop coming.

“You’ve just been so unhappy,” you said miserably. “You’re never home any more, and you’re so overwhelmed at work, and you don’t want to be with me. Maybe you don’t...” Your voice broke. “Maybe you don’t want another baby with me.”

He took a step back from you and leaned against the island, looking dazed and heartbroken.

“Josh, honey,” you said, feeling guilt well up to mix with all the other emotions raging inside you. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry. I know it's not true.”

He shook his head. “It’s okay.” He tried to blink back tears, but he had to swipe a hand over the few that fell; he was silent for a moment as he thought of what to say.

“I know I’ve been distant,” he said eventually. “I’ve been so wrapped up with work, and I let it affect things between us. It’s not an excuse, but I want you to know I haven’t been keeping my distance because I don’t want to be with you. The only thing I want is to be with you. I’ve just been trying not to bring all that stress home, and the only way I could figure out how to do it was to just... not bring myself home, really. It's stupid, and I know it's done more harm than good.”

He met your eyes, completely vulnerable with you.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, baby,” he said sincerely. “The thought that I wouldn't want more kids with you — nothing could be further from the truth. I hate that I made myself distant when you needed me, and I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t share something with me because you were afraid of how I’d react. Especially something like this.”

You took a shaky breath. “So you are happy?”

He gave a watery laugh and brushed more tears away, his cheeks flushed and tear-streaked.

“Yes, I’m happy,” he said. “Of course I’m happy. We’re having another baby.”

You could do nothing else but hug him then, wrapping your arms around his neck as you held each other tight. He buried his face in your neck and squeezed you to him.

“Oh, my god,” you said quietly, all of a sudden hit with the reality of it. “We’re really having another baby.”

He breathed a laugh. “We're really having another baby,” he said agreed. “Are you happy?”

“Yes,” you said, and for the first time, you knew it was true. Your panic had come from not knowing what Josh’s reaction would be, not from the idea of having another baby; now that you knew Josh was pleased with your news, you could let yourself be excited too.

You hugged him tighter. “I love you, Josh.”

“I love you too,” he said. He kissed your cheek, then the bridge of your nose, then the corner of your mouth. “I’m so happy and so proud of you, little mama.”

You looked up at him with a wobbly smile. “I missed you calling me that.” He’d called you that all through your first pregnancy, and you hadn’t even thought about him doing it again with this one.

He chuckled. “You don’t have to miss it any more.” He kissed you. “I love you so much, little mama. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you.”

You framed his beloved face with your hands and kissed him for a long while.

“I missed you,” you said when you broke apart.

He rested his head against yours. “I missed you too, baby. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

“Of course I forgive you. I love you.” You ran your fingers through his curls. “Just promise to bring every part of you home from now on, okay? Even if you're stressed and frustrated. I want all of you, Josh. I need all of you.”

He kissed you. “I will, baby. You have all of me, I promise.”

—

Later, in the warm evening haze of good music, good food, and good friends in Jake and Sparrow’s back yard, you let Josh tell your family the news.

“Couldn’t let Jake outdo you, huh?” Sam teased, clapping Josh’s shoulder. “Congratulations, man.”

Josh beamed. “Thanks, Sam. I know you and Danny like to get in all the practice you can at being the cool uncles.”

“Oh, we've already got that down,” Sam scoffed. “Right, Dan?”

“Sure thing, love,” Danny said distractedly, too absorbed in playing cars with JD to really answer. He drove the tiny race car around on the patio table, making your little boy giggle every time he “crashed”.

“Are you excited for the new baby?” Danny asked JD.

“Baby!” JD said excitedly. He put his little hands over Danny’s. “Crash the car, Uncle Danny!”

Danny chuckled and bumped the car into an empty beer bottle with an exaggerated crashing noise, making JD dissolve in giggles. You watched them with a fond smile, thankful that your new baby would grow up just as loved as JD was.

Jake opened two more beers and handed one to Josh, clinking his bottle against his twin’s.

“I knew there was something going on with you,” Jake said, pointing a stern finger at you, but he couldn’t hide his smile. He looked to Sparrow. “Didn’t I say there was something going on with her?”

She laughed. “Yes, honey. You’re a genius.”

You met Josh’s eyes; you saw a flash of guilt in his expression at the knowledge that Jake had known before he did that something had been off with you. You gave him a reassuring smile, and his returning one was thankful and apologetic.

Sparrow put her hand over yours, drawing your attention from Josh.

“I’m so happy for you two,” she said. She touched a hand to her baby bump. “I’m glad our little girl will have a cousin so close in age.”

You gasped. “A girl?” Your question was echoed by all three of Jake’s brothers.

Jake grinned. “Yeah, didn’t we tell you?”

“Oh, Jake,” Sparrow chided, but her sweet smile gave her away. She looked back to you. “We just found out this morning. I wanted to call and tell you as soon as we knew, but Jake said to wait until tonight.”

You squeezed her hand. “That’s wonderful news, Sparrow. I’m so happy for you guys.” You could only imagine how devoted little Miss Kiszka’s uncles would be to her, and knew the only person more wrapped around her little finger than Josh, Danny, and Sam would be Jake.

The guys insisted that the mamas sit back and relax while they cleared the table and tidied the kitchen, and you and Sparrow were happy to oblige. You watched Sam and JD play with Sam’s new puppy; Sam told his nephew to give the puppy “nice pets”, and both of them laughed when the puppy gave JD’s hand an enthusiastic kiss.

“I would absolutely kick your ass in rummy,” Danny said to Jake as they came through the back door. “Get me a deck of cards and I’ll do it right now.”

“You’re on,” Jake said with a grin. He looked to his wife. “Do you know where the playing cards are?”

“Look in the cabinet by the record player,” she advised.

He shook his head. “Already looked there.”

She got out of her chair with some difficulty, and Jake hurried to help her.

“I didn’t mean for you to get up, honey,” he chided. “Sit back down. I’ll find them.”

She smiled and patted his cheek. “You’d be in there for seven years trying to find them, Jacob.”

He huffed a laugh and offered his arm to her as they went inside. “You’re probably right.”

Danny went to join Sam and JD with the puppy, and you were alone for a moment until Josh came back out with a glass of water in his hand.

“Drink up, little mama,” he said, handing it to you. “We gotta start making sure you’re hydrating and resting more.”

You gave a dramatic sigh. “No more ragers and bar crawls, then?”

He laughed. “Sorry, baby. Both of those are out.”

“What will I ever do for fun now?” you asked, looking up at him.

He raised a brow when a John Denver song came on Jake’s playlist. “There’s always dancing.”

You grinned and took his hand when he offered it, letting him lead you a few paces away from the table into the soft grass.

“I’m bringing me home to you,” Josh sang, his voice a perfect compliment to the musician you’d both adopted as yours. He dipped you and brought you back up to kiss you, smiling at the shower of giggles that escaped you.

“It’s all I have to give,” he continued. “My life, my love, my everything — it’s you I choose to be with.”

You smiled up at him, showing him every bit of love and relief and joy you felt at being close to him in this beautiful warm night.

“I love you,” he said softly. “Thank you for choosing me, baby.”

You kissed him, all soft and tender touches, resting in him. “I love you, Josh. Thank you for choosing me too.”

josh taglist: @way-to-go-lad

gvf taglist: @malany-gvf @spark-my-nature @eearevee @madneedshelp @demonrat444 @josh-iamyour-mama @honeyandsweettae @mydarlingdanny @gretavandann @sacredjake @myleftsock @joshskittytickler21 @hellowgoodbye @watchingovergvf2 @fearfulspirit @mywaysoon @carbondancingthroughtime @caprisunsister @eraofstardustchords

@gvfrry @ohhey1293 @the-chaotic-cow @mountain-in-springtime @xserenax-13 @stardustjtk @brooke-gvf @weightofdreams-gvf @jakeydoesit @gretasmokerising @hayley1623 @doodle417 @finestoflines @brokenbellz @bowievanfleet @s0livagant @strugglingtodoshit @s-u-t @kay-jordan @gretavanfleas @jakeyboiiiiiii @gretavansteph @gretavanbitches @myownparadise96 @luverleaver @weightofdreamz @greatervanfleet @maedesculpaeusoubi @jakekiszkasbestie @pineapple-photographer @baguettejuliette @alexxavicry @levi-wants-ur-bones @carlybubs @cowboysamkiszka @dannyandthekiszkas @jordierama @slutforsteve @starshine-wagner

sorry if tumblr didn’t tag you — it’s stupid sometimes. but i’m real thankful for you, sweet peaches! and if you’re a new bestie and would like to be added to my taglist, check out the form right here!

#josh kiszka x reader #josh kiszka angst #gvf fanfiction #greta van fleet fanfiction #cabin fever fics #josh x baby #sam kiszka x danny wagner #jake x sparrow #josh kiszka fluff #josh kiszka fanfiction #maddie writes stuff!

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alwaysonthemend · 10 months

Text

Light My Love | JMK | Part 2

Author’s Note: Yall, I AM SO SORRY for the long wait for this one. I promise that part 3 will not take this long. I’ve been super busy lately but I’ve already got a lot of part 3 so it shouldn’t be too bad lol. Thank you for yalls patience. I hope you guys enjoy this part as much as you did the first one – and I’m sorry in advance for the angst. I promise it gets better soon. Part 3 will be the last part so you won’t have to wait too long for these two idiots to figure themselves out. As always, sorry for any mistakes.

Part 2 Summary: Playing fake relationship with Josh is easy – too easy. It feels so natural to be with him and you have to remind yourself that none of this is real. With the wedding on the horizon and well meaning (but unhelpful) family members all around, tension between you and Josh is on the rise. Things all come to a head the night before the wedding and you think maybe this is the start of this all becoming more real between the two of you. But does Josh feel the same?

Warnings for part 2: pining, idiots in love, shitty family relationships, blow jobs, fingering, wet dreams, angst, unrequited (?) love

Word Count: 5536

------------------------------

It was the sound of birds that drew you from sleep that morning. They were chirping loudly outside the window on the far wall. You blinked, trying to flush the sleep from your eyes as you took in your surroundings. It was light outside – probably around 8AM if you were to guess, and Josh was still fast asleep next to you. He was on his back, his head turned to face you. His hair a complete mess, and soft snores fell from between his parted lips. You couldn’t help but to stare. He looked beautiful like this, soft and warm in bed. The two of you had moved closer to each other in your sleep – close enough that your thighs were pressed together and you could feel the soft little puffs of air as he breathed slowly on your skin. You felt bad waking him, but there were things to be done and people to be faced and you definitely didn’t feel like doing it without him. You brushed some of his messy curls from his forehead, reveling in the moment for a moment longer before trying to wake him up.

“Josh?” You said, placing your hand on his warm chest and shaking him slightly. He grumbled, but didn’t wake. “Josh.” You tried again, louder this time.

“Wha-?” He cracked his eyes open and you watched as the confusion on his face bled into a soft, sleepy smile. “Oh.” He sighed. “Mornin’.”

“Good morning, sleepy head.” You giggled, leaning up on your elbow to look at him more closely. He looked far more rested now than he had the night before. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did.” He sat up too, leaning back on the headboard and yawning – extending his arms above his head and closing his eyes again. You fought to keep your eyes on his face, trying to ignore the tan skin of his chest as the muscles in his stomach rippled as he stretched. “You only woke me up once.” He giggled, cracking his eyes back open to look at you.

“Did I kick you? People always tell me that I move my legs around a lot.” You said, red painting your cheeks.

“Yeah, you did.” He laughed. “You shoved your freezing cold feet underneath me.”

“Sorry.” You said, feeling bad for disturbing his much needed rest.

“Nah. You’re fine. I run warm, so glad I could be of service.”

The two of you fell into silence and you suddenly felt awkward. Memories from your shower the night before clouded your thoughts. You rose from the bed, suddenly embarrassed to be next to him – like he could read your mind and see the thoughts you’d had about him.

“Do you want to get ready first? I hogged the shower last night, so you can go this time.”

You walked to the foot of the bed to dig around in your suitcase, not looking for anything in particular but hoping to hide the blush that you could feel spreading across your face.

“Sure. I need to shower and brush my teeth. I feel gross.”

He rose from the bed and you kept your eyes trained on the floor, not daring to look up at him – no matter how much you wanted to. He pulled what you assumed was his outfit for the day out of his bag and exited the room, turning the corner towards the bathroom. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding and shook your head. Get a grip, y/n.

Not bothering to change yet, you made your way down to the kitchen in search of some caffeine to knock the fog from your brain. You heard the shower start as you descended the stairs and tried not to imagine the sight that was waiting behind the bathroom door.

You walked into the kitchen to see your dad sitting at the table, coffee cup in hand, looking out at the backyard. He smiled as you entered and made your way over to the coffee pot.

“Good morning, y/n. Your mom’s still asleep.”

“Morning, Dad.” You said, grabbing a cup from the cupboard and pouring yourself a healthy amount. You took a seat in the chair across from him. He smiled and there was a wetness to his eyes as he looked at you.

“What?” You asked, taking a sip and closing your eyes at the warm liquid.

He shook his head and smiled.

“I just missed you, that’s all.”

“I missed you too, Dad.” You sighed. “I’m sorry I’ve been so terrible at keeping in contact, I just…” You trailed off. You didn’t really know what to say.

“I know. You and your mom have got some issues. I understand. She isn’t always the easiest to be around.”

You rolled your eyes.

“You could say that again.”

“In her mind, she thinks she’s helping you. She just wants what’s best for you.”

“Well,” you said in an angry huff. “I’m an adult, and all she does is belittle me any chance she gets. That’s not what I would consider doing what’s best for me.”

“I know, kiddo. I’m sorry.” He looks back out the window. “So.” He says after a beat of silence, mischief glinting in his eyes, “Josh, huh?”

You smiled shyly and looked down.

“Yeah. Josh.”

“He seems like a great guy.”

“He is.” You say honestly. “He’s the best.”

“He’s sure in love with you. That’s more than enough for me.”

Your eyes widened, and you looked up sharply at him.

“What?”

Your dad looked at you in confusion and you smoothed over your shocked expression the best you could.

“We haven’t really gotten to that point yet.” You clarified, praying that he bought the lie. He smiled, and you mentally slapped yourself for reacting like that.

“Well, the way he looks at you,” He shook his head and smiled, “He’s definitely in love. He wouldn’t stop talking about you last night.”

You blushed and looked down. You didn’t know what to say. You wanted to believe it – believe that Josh might be in love with you too. But you know better. He’s just selling the part – he’s an actor at heart, afterall. He’s just really good at leaning into the role. You should be thankful for him making this whole charade seem believable. You tried to come up with something to say in response but thankfully, Josh broke the weird silence – saving you from having to come up with something.

“Good morning!” He exclaimed cheerily, walking into the kitchen. He was wearing another pair of khaki pants – these ones a shade darker than the ones from yesterday, coupled with a deep green button up top. White mala beads completed the look, along with his usual silver hoop earrings and an ear cuff. You couldn’t help your jaw falling open slightly, momentarily speechless by his appearance. You tore your eyes away from him only to be met by the amused eyes of your father as he watched your reaction. You blushed and looked down.

“Good morning, Josh. I hope you slept well.” Your dad said, grinning from ear to ear in amusement at your obvious embarrassment.

“I did! Thank you!” Josh said, coming to lean against the back of your chair. He reached down and took your coffee cup from your hands and took a large sip.

“Hey!” You said, making grabby hands for it back. Josh grinned at you and took another sip.

“Payback for your corpse feet waking me up last night.” He said with a smile, earning a laugh from your dad.

“She’s always run cold.” He said, taking another drink from his own cup. The two of them laughed and you rose from the table, putting your cup down loudly.

“If you two are finished,” you said in mock annoyance, “I’m going to go get ready.”

Josh giggled.

“Sorry, babe.” He gave your shoulder a squeeze. You just shook your head and gave him a small smile before walking out of the kitchen to go back upstairs.

Babe.

You really wished he would stop calling you that.

Today, all you had to do was attend a luncheon with your mom. All the women in your family would be meeting at some little restaurant downtown around 11:30 for a little pre-wedding gathering. Sadly, you knew it was going to be awkward. You hadn’t spoken to anyone in your family other than your father and your aunt Carol within the last few years, so you knew that it was going to be slow going and weird. You wished you could convince your mom to let you bring Josh along, but you knew she would say no. It was supposed to be a girls only type of thing.

You sighed.

Just one lunch and then you were free to spend the rest of the afternoon with Josh – away from everyone else. He’d asked you to show him around your hometown since he’d never been before.

You pulled a flowy sundress from your suitcase for your outfit for the day. It was supposed to be warm, so you slipped on a pair of strappy sandals as well. You walked over to the vanity in the corner of the room and stared at yourself in the mirror – trying to decide what you wanted to do with your makeup. With it being so hot, you decided to forego any foundation and instead decided on a light coating of mascara and a little highlighter on your cheek bones. You styled your hair the way you usually did and gave yourself another once over in the mirror. Not half bad, you thought. Finally, you applied just a little bit of lipstick to complete the look. You could hear your mom speaking downstairs so you figured you should probably make your way back down.

You enter the kitchen to see Josh had taken your earlier seat across from your dad and your mom was already dressed and moving around in the kitchen. Josh was in the middle of animatedly telling your dad something when he looked up to you as you re entered. He stopped, mouth open, and stared for a moment. You smoothed your hands over your dress, suddenly self conscious. You didn’t often wear dresses, and this was one he probably had never seen before. It was a little out of your comfort zone, but you’d recently been trying to branch out in your wardrobe choices.

“Y/n,” Josh said, standing suddenly, “you look… really nice.” He finally said, and it seemed like he wanted to say more, but he held his tongue.

“Oh, really?” You asked, looking down at yourself and smiling. “Thank you! I’ve never worn it before.”

“Yeah. It’s, um. It looks good. On you.” He said and it was almost like it was painful for him to get the words out.

You stared at each other for a moment. It was weird. Your mom cleared her throat and for once, you were thankful for her presence.

“So, y/n, I figured you and I could leave here a little early and go pick up some things?”

“Yeah! That sounds good!” You said, before turning to look at your dad and Josh. “What about you two? What are you guys going to do while we’re gone?”

“We’ll find something to do, I’m sure.” Your dad said, walking over to where you and Josh were still standing awkwardly. He clapped Josh on the shoulder. “We’ll try and stay out of trouble.”

You laughed, and the tension from earlier slowly bled away. Bless your dad.

“Yep! We’ll be just fine here.” Josh agreed, smiling at you. “You two have fun!”

—

The two of you did not in fact have fun. Well, your mom did – she lived for outings like those. But you on the other hand despised them greatly. You’d sat mostly silent, wishing that the floor would swallow you whole in order to avoid the inevitable awkward questions about what you’d been doing and why you hadn’t been in touch with anyone since the last time you’d visited home. Your answer had been the same to each family member who asked – merely stating that work was very busy and that you’d just lost track of keeping in touch. Responses to your claim had been with tight smiles and doubtful eyes, and you’d promised each of them that you’d do better at keeping in touch. You’re pretty sure they all saw it for the lie it was.

By the time you climbed back into the car to ride home you were drained from all the socializing– and not to mention your mother had been frosty with you the entire time.

“Something you want to say, Mom?” You’d asked as the minutes of silence ticked by as she drove.

“Hm?” She’d asked, glancing at you from the corner of her eye. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been silent for about 15 minutes now… figured there might be a reason.” You snarked, crossing your arms and looking out the window. Was it petulant and childish? Yes, you knew it was. But you couldn’t find it in yourself to care, even as your fathers words from earlier that morning drifted through your thoughts.

“Oh no, nothing.” She said simply.

You waited a beat, saying nothing.

“I just wish you would actually talk to your family, y/n.” She continued. There it is. “It’s embarrassing for me. You’ve always been so selfish with stuff like this.”

“Maybe I would reach out more if you all weren’t so judgemental of me and my life all the damn time, Mom. Ever think of that?”

“We just want what’s best for you. Is it a crime to be concerned for you?” Her tone was bleeding into bitchy but you didn’t have the energy to match it.

“Whatever. I’ve got my life under control. I don’t need all this.” You said simply, still watching the trees breeze by outside the car window.

“Sure you don’t.”

It was a bait – one she used often. She’d say something like that to get a rise out of you, to provoke you into yelling so then she could play the victim later on. You didn’t give her the satisfaction and the rest of the drive went by silently.

You arrived home and you practically sprinted inside, desperate to be rid of the awkward tension. Your father and Josh were sitting together in the living room – your dad in his usual chair and Josh sitting on the sofa. They were watching M*A*S*H reruns and you smiled at the sight of them.

“Hey!” Your dad said upon seeing you walk into the room.

“How’d it go?” Josh asked, rising from his place on the sofa to come and greet you.

“About as well as to be expected…” You said, lacing your fingers with Josh’s as he extended his hand towards yours in a frustratingly natural manner. “Awkward as hell.”

“I’m sorry.” Your dad said honestly, giving you a sympathetic smile. “We’ve just been relaxing here. Watching TV, shooting the shit. Josh said you promised to take him out tonight?”

You nodded.

“Yeah. Figured I’d show him around since I have the chance.”

You looked at Josh and he gave you a smile so sweet it physically hurt to look at.

“I’m ready to go whenever you are. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to relax for a while first.”

Just as he spoke the words, your mom entered the living room. She narrowed her eyes at you as she breezed past.

“Nope!” You exclaimed, tugging him towards the front door. “Let’s go. See you guys!”

You heard your dad call a goodbye as you and Josh walked out the door. You let it slam closed behind you.

“Jesus Christ.” You said, dropping his hand from yours.

“That much fun, huh?” Josh asked, rounding towards the driver side door of his car.

“You wouldn’t believe.” You collapsed into the passenger seat as Josh climbed in.

“Where to, m’lady?”

You giggled.

“I was thinking we could just drive around a bit? I can just point out the interesting stuff when I see it.”

He smiled.

“Sounds good to me.”

Your home town wasn’t the largest, so most areas you were still able to recognize and navigate easily – despite the many years that had passed since you were last here. You took the opportunity to point out as many things as you could to him as you drove. You pointed to your old middle and high school, to your childhood best friend’s house, and all of the other little places that held some sort of meaning to you. Josh was mostly silent, listening intently to your words and stories, occasionally interjecting responses or laughing as you told a funny story from when you were younger. Before you knew it, the sun was beginning to set and your voice was tired from speaking so much.

“Here, turn right up at this light.” You pointed, interrupting your own story. Josh obliged and you pointed towards a little playground nestled on the corner of two neighborhood streets. “Park here. This used to be where me and my friends would come and hang out.”

Josh parked the car close to the curb and the two of you tumbled out.

“This way!” You called, happily skipping over to the old swing set that you used to frequent so much when you were a kid. Josh chuckled and followed, and the two of you took a seat on the swings. There was comfortable silence between the two of you for a long moment as you both watched the orange sun set.

��Thanks for listening to me ramble for so long.” You said with a sheepish grin, a blush overtaking your cheeks.

“Thanks for telling me so much.” Josh answered honestly, giving you a smile. “I love hearing about your childhood. You’ve never really talked about it all that much before. I like getting to know this part of you.” His words were genuine, and you couldn’t help the flutter that your heart did at his words.

“Never really felt the need to – especially with my relationship with my mom being what it is. It just brings up unwanted memories.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what that must feel like.” And he really couldn’t. His relationship with his own mother was one that you couldn’t help but envy. They were so close – a closeness that you could only dream of having with your family. You’d only met Karen and Kelly a few times, but you had quickly been able to see that the love that they had for their children was immense.

“It is what it is, I suppose. I’m just glad you’re here with me. This would be a lot more miserable if you weren’t here.” The words tumbled from your lips before you could really stop them. Though they were the truth, you felt embarrassed saying them out loud. A sentence like that coming from Josh was normal; but from you – given how much more closed off about your emotions you tended to be compared to him, the words sounded more intimate than you meant them to be.

“It’s my pleasure, y/n. You’re an amazing fake girlfriend to have.” He threw his head back as he laughed loudly, and you did your best to push down the sting of his words.

“Aww thank you, babe.” You said, finally huffing out your own laugh – small and unsure as it was. “Thanks again for agreeing to do all this for me.”

Josh just smiled and shook his head.

“Really y/n,” he said, voice becoming a little more serious, “it’s no problem coming here with you. It’s my pleasure to help you out. Besides, by the day after tomorrow we’ll all be home and things will be back to normal.”

It was like he’d dumped a bucket of ice cold water over your head. Back to normal. The phrase cut into you sharply, dampening the good mood that had settled over you. None of this was real: the pet names, the small smiles – none of it. You knew that his words had meant to be a comfort, but they’d done the exact opposite. They'd simply reminded you that Josh Kiszka was not (and would never) love you the way you loved him.You’d come to accept that a long time ago, but you’d allowed this trip to cloud your mind with false hope and you needed to get a grip.

“Well,” you said, rising abruptly from your swing, “I guess we should head back. Are you hungry? I’m still full from lunch but if you’re hungry we can stop and get you something. My parents have probably already eaten.”

Josh’s eyes widened momentarily at your sudden change in mood but he didn’t let his shock last long before he smoothed over his expression.

“Nah, I’m okay. Your dad and I had a late lunch and I ate way more than I should have.” You nodded once before making your way back to Josh’s car. He followed behind you, not saying a word.

The ride home was silent – different from the silence that usually fell between the two of you. This one was awkward and tense, and you were overjoyed when the car pulled into the driveway. The two of you entered, still silent, to see your parents cleaning up from dinner.

“Welcome back, lovebirds!” Your dad exclaimed happily. You had to fight back the wince that wanted to overtake you at his words.

“I just put the leftovers in the fridge if you two want anything.” Your mom says, probably in an attempt to move on from your earlier argument.

“I’m okay for right now.” Josh said, giving them a lopsided grin. “But thank you.”

“I’m too tired to eat. I think I’m gonna turn in.”

You didn’t wait for a response before you turned on your heel and ascended the stairs. You entered your old bedroom, grabbing your pajamas, and darting quickly into the bathroom. You didn’t feel like facing Josh.

As soon as you entered the bathroom, shame and anger filled you as you remembered what you had done the night before when you’d allowed yourself to come apart with Josh’s name on your lips. You shook your head and turned the water on.

By the time you made it back into your room, the lights were off and Josh was asleep. His back was turned away from your side of the bed. You sighed and climbed in next to him, shutting your eyes and trying to shut off your swirling thoughts.

—

You were awoken by something, you just didn’t know what. It was still dark, the moon casting pale beams of light through the open window. You shook your head, trying to clear the cobwebs before looking around to try and figure out what had woken you up. Josh had turned onto his stomach in the night, and he’d kicked the covers down to pool around his thighs. He was wearing nothing but boxers and a plain white t-shirt. It was silent and you furrowed your brows in confusion.

And that’s when you heard it.

A tiny, breathy whine fell from Josh’s lips. He was still asleep, and his eyes were screwed tightly shut as his chest rose and fell. You stared at him in the dark, just watching.

He did it again, this time a little louder and your eyes widened at the sound. There was no mistaking the noise this time. He was dreaming – a particularly nice dream if the noises falling from him were anything to go by.

He was silent for a long moment and you felt bad for staring; for watching him like this without his knowledge. You were going to lay back down and pretend nothing had happened when a tiny little shift of his hips caught your attention. He sighed again as he delicately rocked his hips into the bed, and you felt dizzy as your core flooded with heat. This was so so wrong to watch him, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away as he rutted into the bed next to you. His hips picked up speed slightly and he moaned again, this time seemingly loud enough to wake himself from his sleep.

His eyes snapped open and immediately locked onto you, staring at him in the dark. Panic overtook you as you realized there was no way you could play off what had just happened.

“Jesus, I’m so fucking sorry.” Josh said, voice still rough with sleep and husky from the remnants of his dream. “My God, this is so embarrassing.” He turned over onto his back, drawing his body away from you as he shook his head. Even in the dark you could see the flush overtaking his cheeks.

“Do you want me to help?” His eyes snapped to yours and your own eyes widened. You had no idea where your confidence had come from, but it dropped from you just as quickly as it had arisen. “I mean- that looks… uncomfortable.” His eyes tracked your gaze to the noticeable bulge in his boxers. “I could help.” You reiterated, adrenaline coursing through your entire body and wetness flooding to your core at just the thought.

“Do you… want to?” He asked you, voice quiet and unsure.

“Yes. If you’d like.” You breathed out.

The two of you stared at each other in the dark for a long moment – so long you were afraid he was thinking about how he could run away without hurting your feelings. You opened your mouth to apologize but he silenced you with a single nod.

“Sure.” He said. Your jaw dropped. “If you want.”

“Okay.” Your voice was hardly more than a whisper.

You sat up, settling your weight on your knees before you reached over to dip your fingers into the waistband of his boxers. You flicked your eyes to meet his, giving him one more chance to change his mind and tell you to get lost. He didn’t. He was staring at you with dark eyes and he only nodded to you again.

Steeling yourself, you slid his boxers down, just low enough to allow his cock to spring free. He was still hard, and the head was shiny with precum in the moonlight. Your mouth watered at the sight of him. You should have known that a man as pretty as Josh would have a pretty cock, too. You wrap your fingers around his length, smearing the precum over him to make him slick before you pump him slowly.

You watch in stunned silence as he throws his head back, exposing the hollow of his throat and you want desperately to lick the sweat that’s gathered there. He bites his lip as you pick up your speed, trying to hold in the moan that wants to tumble from his lips. Seemingly on its own accord, your other hand slips into your own panties, and you swipe the pad of your finger through the wetness that’s gathered in your folds. You begin to circle your clit in time with each pump of your other hand on his cock and a quiet moan slips past your lips.

Josh’s eyes snap open to look at you when he hears it, and his mouth parts and his breathing picks up even more when he sees what you’re doing.

“Jesus, y/n.” He whimpers, as you pull your hand off him. You crawl over to settle in between his legs, your hand never once leaving your own heat, before you stare up at him through your lashes. Your mouth hovers just above his head and you wait.

“Do it, baby.” He whispers, and you swallow him down.

He groans and your cunt pulses at the sound, need coursing through you at the sight and sound of his pleasure. He’s big, and his tip nudges the back of your throat mercilessly as you suck him off, bobbing your head and hollowing your cheeks.

“Oh, sweet Jesus.” He all but whines as you blow him, and you can feel the coil in your belly tightening as you continue to circle your clit.

“I’m gonna cum if you don’t stop.” Josh utters, eyes screwed shut and face contorted in pleasure. He tries to pull himself from your mouth but you stop him, using your free hand to press his hips into the bed with your forearm. You need to taste his release so badly you could scream.

“Give it to me, Josh.” You whisper, releasing his cock from your mouth with a lewd ‘pop.’ He stares, slack jawed and wide eyed at you. “Let me taste you.”

He nods and you descend back onto his dick, taking him as deep as you possibly can. Tears leak from your eyes and your jaw aches around him but you don’t stop. Moans and expletives fall from his lips like prayers as you lead him closer and closer to his release, and your finger circles relentlessly on your clit. It doesn’t take long before you feel his cock twitch on your tongue.

“Fuck.” He whines and that’s all the warning you get before his release fills your mouth. You swallow him down, drawing a groan from him as you milk him for all he’s got. The sight of his face flushed with pleasure the noises falling from his pretty lips sends you hurtling into your own climax. You moan around his softening cock and your eyes screw shut as you work yourself through it.

When you finally come down from your high, you release his length from your mouth and fall backwards, landing heavily on your back next to him.

“Jesus.” You whisper.

“Yeah.” He looks utterly fucked out and you know you probably look the exact same.

Tiredness overtakes the both of you as Josh pulls the covers back up and over you both. You want so badly to reach over and hold him close to you, but his exhaustion takes him over before you can work up the courage to ask. His soft snores signal that he’s out and you’re shocked to find yourself slipping back into the arms of sleep as well – the sound of his breathing lulling you back into slumber.

—

The next time you wake up, it’s light outside and Josh is already awake – this time, he’s the one staring at you. You sit up, the events from the night before flashing through your mind. You don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Josh, about last night-” You begin to say, but he interrupts you quickly.

“It was a mistake.” His words were sharp – not necessarily unkind, but blunt in their nature. No sugarcoating over them to soften the blow of his rejection.

You can feel your bottom lip wobble as you fight to hold back any signs of hurt, unwilling to show him that it had been anything but a mistake for you.

“Yeah. You’re right.” You finally answered, your voice sounding surprisingly steady for how upset you were on the inside.

“I’m sorry for letting us get carried away.” He said, and he really did sound like he was sorry. That hurt even more.

“I’m sorry, too.” Sorry you don’t feel the same. Sorry it was a mistake for you. Sorry it wasn’t a mistake for me – all the things you want to say, but you don’t. You just stare at your hands, willing the tears starting to brim in your eyes to go the fuck away.

“I’m gonna go take a shower.” He says, extracting himself from the bed and walking over to his suitcase to pull out his clothes. You don’t answer and he exits the room quickly.

You sit there, staring at nothing, for what feels like forever. It feels as if your entire life has just imploded before your eyes. And in a sense, it has. You already know that your friendship with Josh is never going to recover from this. You can’t just give your best friend a blow job in the middle of the night and then act like it never happened. Tears make their way slowly down your cheeks but you don’t make a sound – you don’t have the energy to. You wish suddenly that you could go back in time; go back and take back your bold words from the night before, take back asking Josh to pose as your boyfriend, take back the stupid phone call that started this whole mess. You almost wish you could take back ever meeting Josh – because there’s no world in which you meet Josh and don’t fall in love with him. You’d rather the two of you had never met. Anything was better than this.

The thought of having to show up at that god awful wedding later today makes you sick to your stomach – having to hold hands and keep up the ruse that you’re together when in reality, you’d just shattered your friendship with him. It’s all too much. You hang your head, tears still streaming down your face. There’s no coming back from this.

-----

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indigogvf · 5 months

Text

Need

Word count: 6.8k

Warnings: mentions of SA!!! smut (minors dni), alcohol. If I missed anything please let me know!

Summary: You and Jake have never seen eye to eye, but when a guy creeps you out at his house party, does that change?

A/N: awful summary lol sorry I’m so tired and have been wanting to post this for ages. This is not as good as I wanted it to be, or as long, but I do not have the patience for that. For some reason the ideas were just not flowing for this fic, so I feel like it’s kinda jumpy. Sorry about that!! Also, my requests are open!! Anyway, enough of me yapping. Enjoy!!

This was not your thing; parties. It’s not that you hated them, but a nine pm bed time meant a lot more to you. Drinking made you sleepy. However, parties are especially not your thing when Jake is there. Even more so when they’re hosted at his house.

Much like tonight.

You can’t deny Josh’s puppy dog eyes for very long though, and you weren’t going to let one person ruin your night. He’s hosting the party anyway, so he has much more important things to worry about than trying to piss you off. You thought.

You thought wrong. As always.

The night begun smoothly. You felt confident and sexy, your dress hugging you in all the right places. You weren’t planning on getting into anyones pants tonight, but it felt nice to know you could. With that being said, you also felt nervous. You and Jake couldn’t get along at all; you can be civil when needs be, but it never lasts long. If you can’t get along sober, you doubt adding copious amounts of alcohol is going to have a positive impact.

You made your rounds of everyone, making sure to say hi to the people you knew; also making sure to keep well away from Jake. You and Jake have been holding the battle of “who can be the meanest” for quite some time now, and you honestly can’t even remember how it started, but you strongly disliked him. You’re both extremely stubborn, so as much as you feel bad for feuding with your best friends’ brother, you wouldn’t be caught dead making amends. And neither would he.

Obviously your first point of call after saying hello was getting yourself a nice, strong drink. A necessity, in your opinion. Definitely a necessity when jake’s around. You’d already lost Josh, who you came with, and you were now left to fend for yourself. You did know a good amount of people, but everyone knew everyone else more than you knew them, so you weren’t really sure where to start.

You wondered back to the main event, scouring the room for someone you know well enough to join their conversation. As you were looking around, you caught the eyes of Jake. His shirt was buttoned up by two buttons, max. You couldn’t quite see due to the darkness of the room. Speaking of, he’s wearing sunglasses. What a douchebag you thought. I mean, seriously? Sunglasses? In an almost pitch black room?

His hair was falling nicely, though. The sunglasses were giving his hair something to flow against, and it was framing his face well. It doesn’t matter how much you hate him, you will always be jealous of his hair.

He smirks at you, mischief written all over his face. You roll your eyes and move on. You promised Josh you wouldn’t argue with Jake tonight, and you really did feel bad. You know how hard it is for them to navigate this.

However, Jake had other intentions. He started walking over; you knew you were well within your rights to walk away, but you also knew that this would happen at some point, so you might as well get it over and done with.

“You look cute.” He mentioned sarcastically, gesturing to your dress.

“Thanks. Wish I could say the same about you.” You retorted with an eye roll, taking a step away from him. You wanted as much distance between you as possible.

“Oh, c’mon. You and I both know you like what you see.” He suggested with a cocky smirk, pointing at himself. He took a step closer, closing the space between you that you had just made.

“Seriously? You have that big of an ego? Take a look at yourself for once. You’re wearing sunglasses in a dimly lit room. Could you look like more of a dick?” You replied, taking a sip of your drink. You knew he enjoyed this a lot more than you did; you were easier to piss off.

“Look at myself? Look at you! You look like you’re begging to take someone home in that dress.” He laughed, throwing his head back. ‘Always so dramatic’ you thought.

“Yeah? Well at least I could take someone home if I wanted to, which I don’t, for the record. You can’t, not when you look like as much of an uptight prick as you.” You argued. You felt like steam was coming out of your ears. He always had to dig deep. Every time.

He began responding, but you had already started walking away. Like you said, you’d promised Josh you wouldn’t argue with him tonight, so you really didn’t want it to go any further.

You spot danny and Sam and take this opportunity to distract yourself. “hey guys, you having fun?” You asked as you waved at them.

“Hey y/n, did Josh ditch you? Already?” Sam queried, turning to face you. Danny sniggered beside him in response.

“Well, yeah. But I promise that’s not why I came to chat.” You knew that whatever Sam was suggesting was just a joke, but you also knew that if Josh hadn’t of ditched you, the overwhelming joy you felt when you saw them probably wouldn’t have been as intense.

“Yeah, whatever. How’s things with Jake? I see you’ve continued your feud.” Danny joined, subtly looking over to Sam. They know exactly how to wind you up. You will never understand how they find the humour in this situation; if it was the other way round, you would’ve grown impatient a long time ago.

“Yeah, but that’s done for the night. I’m really not in the mood for it to carry on tonight.” You said as you grabbed your drink to take another sip, taking a seat next to danny.

“Are you ever in the mood for jake, though? You say that every time, and every time the feud continues.” Sam giggled.

“You know, he’s right. How did this ‘feud’ even start? I can’t quite remember.” Danny said. Him and Sam were now laughing a little too hard considering how unfunny their comments were. At least you didn’t find them funny.

“You know what guys, maybe I will carry it on. Just for you.” You remarked, pointing your finger at both of them to further emphasis your point.

“Oh, we would love to see that.” Laughed Danny, turning to face you completely.

“Maybe you should just fuck it out. I mean, if all of our mutual friends can agree on that, maybe we’re right.” Sam added, without laughing. He was serious. He seriously suggested you ‘fuck it out’. With his brother.

“You guys suck. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to grab another drink.” You began walking away as they laughed; obviously happy with themselves for managing to wind you up.

You made your way into the kitchen, your eyes landing on a guy stood in the corner. You smiled politely as you walked past him to make your next drink. “You on your own?” He asked. Are. You. Serious. You thought. You were not in the mood for this.

“Uh, no. My friends are just in the living room, where everyone else is.” You said bluntly. You hoped that gave him the hint that you were definitely not interested.

Obviously, it didn’t.

“Your ass looks beautiful in that dress.” He said boldly as he took a step closer, looking you up and down.

“Thanks, but I’m not looking for any of that tonight.” You smiled in an attempt to soften the blow, whilst taking a step back.

“C’mon, you can’t wear a dress like that and not want some attention.” He laughed, reaching his hand out to brush your arm. You quickly retracted.

You were starting to panic slightly as it was clear he wasn’t getting the hint. “I’m okay, really.” You reiterated, taking another step back. You were now against the counter, awaiting his next move.

As he started to take a step towards you, Jake walked into the kitchen, pausing as he witnesses the guy come closer to you; again trying to reach out and touch your arm. He flicks his eyes to you, and you look at him with pleading eyes. You really hope he can see what you’re trying to tell him.

“Hey, what are you doing, man?” Jake asked, flicking his eyes between you as he walked further into the kitchen.

“That’s none of your business, man.” He mocks, drawing his attention back to you.

“It is when it’s my house. Did she tell you she was interested in you before you cornered her?” He asked, his tone dripping with sarcasm. He folded his arms and leaned on the counter, raising his eyebrows as he impatiently waited for his response.

“Well, I- no, but-“

“Enough said. Get off of her and get out of my house.” He spoke with a steady tone, pushing himself off of the counter and moving out of the way, further prompting the guy to leave.

You breathed out, not even realising you were holding your breath. “Thank you so much.” You sighed, running your hands over your face as you tried to ground yourself.

“Yeah, are you okay? Did anything else happen?” He asked with panic laced in his voice. He walked over to you and moved his eyes over you to check that you were okay.

You looked up at him. His eyes were laced with concern and worry; they looked softer, It was different. He always looked at you with such annoyance, but you liked this. “I’m okay. Thank you, Jake.” You replied. You really were okay, but unwanted men coming onto you will never get less daunting.

“I’m sorry that happened. If you need anything, you let me know. My bedroom is upstairs to the right if you need some quiet.” He said softly as he ran his hand through his hair, letting it fall back into place.

You were taken back, to say the least. You and Jake were never nice to each other unless absolutely necessary, but even then you were still throwing dirty looks around like there was no tomorrow. It was a moment of clarity. You would see Jake acting somewhat similarly to others; always so kind and caring. But never towards you. You wondered what it would be like to not dislike him so much, and to actually get along with him. Although this only gave you a small taste of that, you liked this a lot more than hating him. You still hated him though. You’re way too stubborn to admit that you might like him, even to yourself.

“Thanks. I’m okay, I promise. I always get shaken up when this type of stuff happens. I just need another drink.” You laughed a little, trying to soften the mood slightly. You picked up your cup and started to fiddle with it. You felt too awkward just standing there.

“Yeah, sure. Help yourself. Do you want me to stay with you and then help you find josh? So you’re not on your own again?” He suggested as he walked past you to get a drink out of the fridge.

What the fuck? You thought. You knew Jake could be nice, but you never expected him to be this caring. Not in a million years.

“Uh, yeah, actually. Would that be okay? I don’t want to steal you from your own party.” You mumbled, starting to pour a concoction of various kinds of alcohol into your cup.

“Of course. I know where he is, so it shouldn’t take long.” He reassured you with a soft smile, brushing past you to find a bottle opener for his drink.

You grabbed your drink and went with Jake to find Josh. Once you found him, you said your thank you’s to Jake and walked over to Josh.

“Was that Jake? Were you just with Jake? Did you just smile at Jake?” He asked, an excited grin on his face. He got up from his seat, eager to find out if your battle with Jake has finally ended or not.

“Yes, yes, and yes. Some guy was being a massive creep and Jake saw and kicked him out. He was really sweet, actually. It was weird.” You said, taking a sip of your drink whilst stealing Josh’s seat.

“Does this mean you both like each other?” He said, completely disregarding the small mention of the creepy guy; you didn’t blame him, though. This was exciting for him. His smile widened as he got more eager by the second.

“No. I still hate him.” You said firmly. You were not admitted the fact that you maybe, slightly like Jake. Not happening.

“Ugh, c’mon, y/n. You know he can be nice, you’ve seen it yourself. He’s even been nice to you now. Without any prompting.” He pleaded as he sat on the edge of the table opposite you.

You leaned back against the sofa and sighed. You looked at Josh’s face and you could see he was desperate for this to finally be over. “Okay, fine. I don’t like Jake. However, I’m not as inclined to gauge his eyes out when I look at him anymore. Happy?” You reasoned.

He shook his head and smiled. “Fine. This is a starting point, then.”

“Sure. You can call it that if you’d like.” You giggled. It was clear he was a little frustrated, all he wanted was his best friend and brother to get along, but it was fun to wind him up sometimes.

As the night went on, people slowly startled to filter out the party, only leaving a few people. You were thinking about jake, and how he helped you. You wanted to repay him, so you took yourself to the kitchen and began clearing up some of the used cups. You figured he would appreciate this, since no one likes cleaning up the morning after whilst morbidly hungover.

You were nearly done when Jake walked in. He paused in the doorway, “What are you doing?” He asked, not moving.

“Oh, hi. I’m just cleaning up a little bit. Thought it might help you out tomorrow when you’re hungover.” You stated, smiling at him and continuing to throw away all the trash laying around.

“You don’t have to do that.” He began to walk over and attempted to take the bag from your hands. You pulled your hands away.

“You didn’t have to help me earlier.” You looked up at him and sent him a reassuring smile. You really wanted to help out.

“How are you doing after earlier?” He asked, ignoring your previous statement.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just glad you helped.” You replied, setting the bag down on the floor when there was no more trash left on the counters.

“How are you getting home?” He wondered, picking up the trash bag and moving it to the doorway so he could take it out later.

“Oh, I was just going to get a taxi.” You said as you fiddled with your rings, again feeling awkward with this new tone of conversation between you.

He shook his head, “No, you can stay here.”

“Why do you care how I get home?” You retort. It came out slightly harsher than you expected, and he took a step back.

“Why do i care?” He repeated. “Look, we might not see eye to eye, but what happened to you tonight wasn’t okay. He might not have done anything, but who knows what might’ve happened if i didn’t show up at the right time. I know you know that, and I also know that you’re going to have overwhelming anxiety about getting into a taxi, by yourself, at night. I’m not willing to let you do that whilst you’re also drunk and vulnerable. What kind of person would that make me if I didn’t care?” He said, raising his voice. He began to walk away from you, making his way out of the kitchen.

You rushed over to him, grabbing his hand to pull him back into the kitchen, “Wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, I guess I’m just used to keeping my guard up around you.” You apologised, looking up at him. You realised you were still holding his hand, so you hesitatingly let go. You’d never really been this close to him, and you weren’t complaining. You studied his features, moving your eyes around his face.

“I know, me too. I’m sorry for shouting, it’s just annoying because I was being nice, and you sort of threw it back in my face.” He said as he did the same to you; studying your features.

You wondered what it would be like to kiss him, or what his calloused hands would feel like against your bare skin, or how he would feel insid- stop. You still hate him. You thought.

He wondered the same about you. He wondered how soft your lips would feel; how you would taste. He was willing to find out. In a moment of boldness, he began to move closer to your lips. He was getting closer, closer, clo-

“Hey guys- wait a minute. Did I just interrupt something?” Josh said as he walked into the kitchen, a smirk beginning to spread on his lips.

You both moved away from each other, not wanting to let on that you were making up with each other; or whatever you were doing. You weren’t really sure what just happened.

“No.” You both spoke at the same time.

“I was just clearing up, and then Jake came in. That’s all. What were you going to say?” You stuttered. You fiddled with your rings again, looking down at your hands.

“Oh. Well, I’m going to bed. I’m staying here tonight by the way, Jake.” He turned around and made his way out of the kitchen and upstairs to the spare room.

You giggled at Josh as you turned round to face jake again. “So, am I staying here, too?” You asked. You felt bad asking, but he was pretty clear on his opinions about you getting a taxi.

“Yeah, if that’s what you want.” He responded. He reached his hand to the back of his neck, playing with his hair. He obviously felt nervous. Or awkward. Probably awkward, you assumed.

“Yeah, thanks. Can I take a shower?” You asked. You felt gross, you always did after drinking. You noticed his eyes move over you, sparking a warm feeling in your belly. You tried to push the feeling away, not prepared or ready to feel this way about him on such short notice.

“Yeah. The bathroom is upstairs, opposite the top of the stairs. The towels are in the cupboard next to it.” He replied whilst pointing upstairs. Neither of you moved, you just started at each other. You were both equally as confused at what happened before Josh interrupted. Was it a moment? Was it not a moment? Who knows.

After a few seconds of painfully awkward silence and staring, you left to go upstairs and take a shower. You found the towels in the cupboard that Jake mentioned, and turned the shower on. You adjusted the temperature so that it was a little warmer, and peeled off your dress. It felt good to get it off of you; you never found tight dresses as the most comfortable option.

You tied your hair up in a bun after seeing the stingy amount of options for shampoo. You also didn’t fancy sleeping in wet hair. You stepped in and immediately relaxed at the feeling of the water hitting your back, making every effort to not get your hair wet. You took your time washing yourself, not wanting to leave the warmth of the shower. Your mind wondered to Jake. You’d always thought he was attractive, but you were never attracted to him. Probably because he was never nice to you. But after tonight, after seeing the caring side you’d only ever observed, you felt differently about him. It was hard to dislike him as much when you had been on the receiving end of his selflessness and kindness. You wondered what this meant for your relationship with him. Were you still enemies? Or were you walking into new territory with him? You weren’t sure.

Eventually, you decided to get out and began drying yourself. You wrapped the towel around you and tried to find Jake to ask where you would be sleeping, and if he had any clothes for you to wear. Both questions which should’ve been asked before you got in the shower, you realised. You found him in his bedroom, sitting on the edge of his bed in just his trousers. You’d never seen him shirtless, and you’d never say no to seeing it again; that’s for sure.

You knocked gently on the door despite it being open, to let him know of your presence. He looked up and raked his eyes down your figure. You felt exposed.

“Hey. I was just wondering if you had anything for me to wear, and where I was sleeping?” You asked, speaking gently to not wake Josh up.

“Uh, yeah. You can sleep in here, if that’s okay with you. I’ll find you some clothes to wear, just give me a second.” He said, getting up from his bed and making his way to the chest of drawers to find some clothes for you.

“But where will you sleep?” You asked, feeling confused as you watched him dig through his clothes.

“On the couch downstairs. Here, you can wear this top. You can wear these pyjama bottoms if you want, but they’re a little big on me, so they’ll probably be big on you, too.” He muttered as he handed the pile of clothes to you. Your hands brushed together, the small amount of contact bringing back the warm feeling in your stomach. Stop. You thought.

“No, I’ll take the couch. I can sleep anywhere, it’s okay.” You responded, moving your hand to the top of your towel to stop it from slipping.

“Honestly, just take the bed. Take it as my formal apology for the last however many years of shit.” He smirked, attempting to make a joke out of the ‘however many years’ of torture.

“Oh, we’re apologising now?” You countered, returning his smirk.

“I think it’s about time, don’t you? Anyway, it’s your turn now. I just made my apology.” He said as he moved closer to you, leaning on the doorframe.

“Not to erase all of our progress, but that was not a very good apology.” You argued. God, he looked good without a shirt. You thought.

“I think it was a great apology. I’m offering you to sleep in a nice, warm, comfortable bed.” He retorted, gesturing to the bed behind him.

You shook your head and laughed. “It didn’t even include the word “sorry”, Jake.”

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry, y/n. Better?” He said, still sporting the same smirk.

You wanted to kiss him. You’d been trying to ignore this fleeting thought since you were in the kitchen together, but it was becoming insufferable. You squeezed your legs together at the sheer thought of him touching you.

“Better.” You responded, “I’m sorry, too. Truly.” You said, setting the tone to something more serious than before. You had less of an issue apologising to him now that he had initiated it, but you were so ready for this battle to be over between you.

He stared at you, not really knowing where to go from here. He also really wanted to kiss you; he thought you looked good in only a towel, and imagined how easy it would be to remove it. He imagined how you’d look underneath it, having to stop himself from finding out. He could see the swell of your breasts under the towel and felt himself starting to get hard. He saw your eyes flick down to his lips and linger there, before moving back up to his eyes. Does she want this, too? He thought. He took this as a signal that you felt the same and leaned in, capturing your lips in a gentle, yet passionate kiss.

You were in shock. You had been wanting this, but you did not realise he wanted it, too. You leaned into the kiss, feeding your hands into his hair. You tugged it at the roots slightly, earning a little groan from Jake in response. This felt so wrong; but it made sense. You wondered if all of your friends were right; maybe it was just built up sexual tension.

His hands moved round your waist, squeezing at your skin. His tongue swiped against your bottom lip begging for entrance, which you granted. You moaned into his mouth at the feeling and grabbed his arms, pulling him impossibly closer to you. You needed him, and he needed you just as much. You felt his hard-on press against your lower stomach. You could feel yourself getting wet at the thought of him inside of you, and reached your hand down and palmed him through his trousers. He sucked in a breath and pulled away, “Stop. Are you sure you want this?” He asked with concern and desperation written all over his face, pushing you away from him slightly.

“Yes, Jake.” You whined. You didn’t mean for it to come out like that; you were aiming for a steadier, firmer tone, but you found it hard to care, It’s not like you weren’t getting a little impatient.

He leaned back in, kissing you with more passion than before. He moved his hands to the top of the towel, silently asking you to take it off. You obliged, taking your hands away from his neck and unravelled it, letting it slide down your body.

He moved his eyes over your body, groaning at the site of you. “Fuck, you look so pretty.” He muttered, pulling you back into him and kissing you again.

You moved your hands to his belt a second time, undoing the buckle and chucking it on the floor. You undid the buttons and he slid them off, stepping out of them and kicking them out of the way. You saw his growing bulge through his boxers; you wouldn’t be lying if you said your mouth started watering at the sight. You wanted to taste him.

So you did just that. You got down on your knees, using his thighs as an anchor to ensure you didn’t keel over; that would be embarrassing. He looked down at you, his jaw slack and his hair draped around his face. He took his hand and gently cupped your cheek, slowly guiding your head forward. “You want a taste, baby?” He whispered, stroking your cheek with his thumb. You nodded your head yes whilst you took your hands to the tops of his boxers, he stopped you. Again.

“Words.” He demanded, tightening his grip on your jaw.

“Yes, I wanna taste you.” You muttered, still gripping his boxers.

He nodded, giving you permission to carry on. You slid his boxers down, revealing his hard cock. There was pre cum dripping out of the head, and you swear you almost started dribbling at the sight.

You leaned forward, his hand still pressed against your face, and licked up the side. He took in a sharp breath and closed his eyes, moving his hand so that he could grip your hair.

You took the head into your mouth, sucking gently. You wanted to tease him. You moved down slowly, hollowing your cheeks ever so slightly. “Ah, fuck. Don’t tease.” He uttered. His breathing was starting to get irregular as you continued down his length.

He was getting impatient. He needed to be inside of you, and you were taking too long. He moved his hand to the back of your head, edging you forward and testing the waters. You hummed around his cock, giving him approval.

He moved your head forward, forcing you to take almost all of him into your mouth. He was huge; to say the least. You hollowed your cheeks as much as you could as he created a rhythm for you. You moved your hand from his thigh to the base of his cock, jerking him off slowly as you took the rest of him in your mouth.

He hit the back of your throat and you gagged around him. His hand faltered as he threw his head back, “Jesus, y/n.” He growled, pulling your hair harshly. You could start to feel him pulsing in your mouth, and you knew he was getting close. He was panting, at this point. His hair was sticking to his face and his jaw was slack. He looked hot, and the need you’ve been feeling for him has just increased by an obscene amount.

Almost as if he could sense your increasing desire, he pulled you off of him. “I nearly couldn’t stop myself.” He admitted sheepishly whilst he helped you off of your knees, bringing you in for another kiss. He could taste himself on your tongue; he could’ve come if he carried on, the images of you on your knees flooding his head.

“Get on the bed.” He uttered, unbuttoning his shirt and throwing it onto the floor. You obliged, swaying your hips as you walked over to the bed.

He joined you on the bed and pushed your legs further apart, “Now it’s my turn to taste you. You want me to taste how sweet you are, honey?” He whispered as he placed soft kisses around your dripping cunt.

You moaned at the sheer thought of his mouth on you, “Yes, please.” You whined, moving your legs further apart as a way to prompt him.

He liked a stripe down you, causing your hips to buck into his mouth at the sudden sensation. You grabbed his hair in your hands, tugging slightly. “Eager, are we? I’ve barely even touched you.” He taunted, smirking to himself at the thought of getting you so worked up.

Your cheeks turned a crimson colour from embarrassment. “Please, do something. I need you.” You pleaded. It was getting too much now; you just needed something, badly.

“Be patient.” He muttered into you, pressing his mouth against you again. He circled your clit with his tongue, and with no warning, pushed his fingers into you; setting a relentless pace. The noise you made was inhuman, and as a reminder of the sleeping beauty next door, Jake smacked his hand on your thigh. Your hand flew to your mouth in an attempt to hide the noises coming from you.

The rate at which he was pumping his calloused fingers was sending you to the edge at an embarrassing pace; he could feel you squeezing his fingers, “You gonna come for me, pretty girl?” He asked, somehow pumping his fingers even faster than before.

He sucked on your clit, and you couldn’t take it anymore. You were trying to speak, but you were sure your words were incoherent. Your orgasm was imminent; you were bucking your hips, desperate to come. His fingers hit a particular spot within you, and a wave of pleasure crashed into you full force. You were chanting his name like a mantra, though you were sure it made no sense. He took his fingers out of you and began lapping you up, striving to collect every little bit of your orgasm on his tongue. “So sweet.” He groaned.

You tried to push his head away; but he was stronger than you and carried on. “Can you give me another one? I know you can, sweet girl.” He prompted, pushing his fingers back inside of you and, yet again, setting a relentless pace.

“I need you, Jake.” You begged, still trying to pry his head away from yourself. You threw your head back into the pillows as the slight pain of overstimulated faded, being replaced with pleasure. “God, Jake.” You moaned.

“You gonna come around my fingers again, hm?” He taunted, placing his mouth back on your clit straight away.

“Fuck! Yes, yes, yes.” You whimpered, feeling your second orgasm approach quicker by the second.

“See? I knew you could do it for me.” He remarked, “C’mon, sweet girl. You can do it. Just one more and then you can have my cock, yeah?”

His words of encouragement egged you on, and you pulled at his hair in an attempt to bring him even closer. He groaned into you; the vibrations sending you over the edge. You threw your head back, squeezing your eyes shut. You were beginning to wonder why you hadn’t listened to your friends because you did not want to wait any longer for him, and you were already half way there.

He pulled his head away, and slowed down the pace of his fingers, slowly working you through your high. He climbed on top of you, and the cold metal of his necklaces touching your chest sent a chill down your body.

You leaned in, starting a heated kiss with him. You couldn’t get enough of him; eager to feel him inside of you. He moved down to your chest, taking your nipple into his mouth and sucking harshly. You arched your back into him, “Please, Jake. Please, I need you so badly.” You cried, wrapping your legs around his waist.

You moved your hand down to his cock and stroked him softly, “you want my cock, baby?” He uttered, trying to conceal the groan he let out from such a delicate touch.

“I can’t take it any longer, I need you, Jake.” You demanded, quickening your pace on his hard cock. He could’ve come right there and then; the combination of your touch and your shameless begging making it hard to control himself. It was painful, and he wondered how he didn’t just fuck you up against the wall the second you removed the towel.

He removed your hand, replacing them with his own, giving himself a few languid strokes before guiding it to your entrance. “You sure about this?” He asked, his tone switching from demanding to concerned.

“Jake, if you don’t fuck me right now, I might go insane.” You stated, looking up at him with pure desperation. You genuinely thought you were going to combust with how impatient you were getting.

He needed no further confirmation, and thrusted into you. You yelped at the feeling of him; the burning sensation from his cock stretching you out catching you off guard.

“Shit, y/n. You feel so good. So ready for me.” He panted, setting an unforgiving pace. His thrusts were deep, and reached all the right places.

You wrapped your arm around his back and dug your nails into him, needing something to grip onto. He groaned at the feeling, gripping the sheets beneath him. You could feel yourself getting closer already, and so could he, “Are you close? I can feel you- fuck, I can feel you squeezing me.” He groaned into your neck, “I wont last much longer if you keep doing that.” He moaned as he started to suck on your neck, leaving reminders of tonight for tomorrow.

You tried to respond, but the immense pleasure you were feeling caused your mind to go blank. You were trying to hold your orgasm off; not wanting this to end, but to no avail, your third orgasm came crashing down. You dragged your hands down jakes back, most definitely leaving scratches for him to discover tomorrow. He fucked you through your high; not faltering once, whilst whispering sweet words of encouragement into your ear, “you’re doing so good for me, baby.”

You came down from your high, feeling utterly fucked out. “Can you do one more for me? I know you can- fuck, just one more, please?” He said, his steady facade slipping in an instant.

“Jake, I can’t. It hurts.” You pleaded. On one hand, you never wanted this to end. But on the other hand, you were exhausted and the overstimulation hurt.

He moved his hand down to your clit, circling his fingers around it quickly. “You said that last time, and you did. Stop being pathetic.” He growled, leaning his head into your chest to start sucking on your nipple.

Pain turned into pleasure; as usual, and your fourth orgasm was fast approaching. “You can do it, please do it.” He begged, his hips faltering as he tried to hold off his orgasm. “I need to feel you come around my cock.” He pleaded, quickening his fingers which were circling your sensitive clit.

He toyed with your clit faster, silently pleading with you to hurry up.

It worked.

Although not as intense as the last three, you were still sure you were sent to some other dimension as your fourth orgasm hit you. You could feel jakes hips faltering as he fucked you through your orgasm, whilst also keenly chasing his own.

“Fuck! I’m gonna come, y/n. Where do you want it?” He asked, his face screwed up and seconds away from coming.

“Inside! Please, I wanna feel you fill me up.” You urged as he tucked his head into the crook of your neck.

His hips stopped, and he let out a guttural moan that you wish you could play on repeat. You pulled his head away from your neck, trying to see his face as his come filled you up. His hair was stuck to his face with sweat, and his cheeks were a crimson red.

He collapsed on top of you, his heavy breaths heating you up even more. You brushed his hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ears, wanting to see his fucked out face.

He rolled off of you and got up to the bathroom, leaving you on your own to reflect on what just happened. When he came back, he had a wash cloth and kneeled beside you to clean you up. “You okay?” He questioned gently, stroking the outside of your thigh.

“Yeah. Just tired, is all.” You replied, smiling at him. He thought you looked cute; sprawled out on his bed looking all fucked out and tired.

He discarded the cloth and came to lay next to you, pulling you into his chest. You wrapped your leg around his waist, and absentmindedly started to draw patterns on his bare chest.

“Thank you. For helping me earlier.” You mentioned quietly. You felt bad. Now that you had seen, first hand, just how caring he is, you felt bad for the way you had previously treated him.

“Look, y/n,” he sighed, “I’m not a bad person. I know we haven’t gotten along for some time now, but it doesn’t feel good to think that you assumed I’d ever leave someone to fend for themselves in that type of situation; or any type of bad situation. I personally think I just adequately apologised by making you come four times, but I think you’d disagree. So, I’m sorry, y/n. I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you, and for all of the comments I’ve made towards you. I’ll be honest, I’ve seen the way you are towards others; the real you, and I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be on the receiving end of that. Now I know that you’re a great person, and always have been.” He confessed, stroking your hair softly. You were overwhelmed, to say the least. You never expected to make up with Jake so fast; let alone going from hating him, to having sex with him, all in one night.

“I’m sorry, too. I know, and knew, you weren’t a bad person. If we’re sharing secrets now, I’ve wanted to make it up to you for a while, but I was too stubborn. I would agree that you adequately apologised, but hearing you say the words made it a lot better. The best apology I’ve ever received, if you will.” You giggled softly, admiring his face. He always thought you were attractive, but seeing you in this knew light made it different for him. He wasn’t just attracted to the way you looked anymore, but you as a person, too.

You wondered what this meant for both of you. You knew you at least liked each other now, but you wanted to know him. The small taste of the real Jake you had gotten tonight was simply not enough.

“What does this mean for us? Are we friends now?” He queried, a frown appearing on his face.

“I’m not sure. Why don’t you take me out to dinner and we can find out?” You countered, your heart rate increasing at your sudden boldness. He stopped stroking your hair and looked at you with a grin.

“Deal.” He agreed, leaning down to press a gentle kiss on your lips. You pulled away, nuzzling your head into his chest with a giddy smile plastered on your face.

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mountain-in-springtime · 11 months

Text

lying eyes

pairing: jake x reader, josh x reader | word count: 1.2k | warnings: kissing (?), implications and mentions of nsfw, cheating/infidelity | my masterlist

summary: the reader is torn when she must choose between the two loves of her life

author's note: so this is way angstier than anything else i've written, but i hope y'all like it anyway. i really enjoyed writing it. also, this fic is inspired by the song lyin' eyes by the eagles (as well as love you goodbye by one direction but to a much lesser extent)

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Your eyes slowly drifted open, vision blurry with sleep as you took in your surroundings. The room was still and engulfed by the darkness of the night, but you could make out your discarded clothes on the floor, paired by Jake’s thrown beside yours. A smile drifted onto your face as you remembered the events that occurred just a few hours earlier, but it soon faltered as you felt a familiar weight begin to find its place in your heart.

You slowly turned your head, careful not to wake the man beside you. His arm was wrapped securely around your waist, pulling you flush against him, and his face was marked with the look of peaceful slumber. At this moment, you swore that he had never looked more angelic. You desperately wanted to reach out to him. You wanted to run your hands over his features and comb your hands through his hair, burning each one into your memory so that you may never forget how he felt.

But the longer you looked at Jake, the more you were reminded of why you shouldn’t be here. You contemplated pushing back your guilt and going back to sleep, allowing yourself to find solace in your love for at least a few more hours, but the sinking feeling in your chest grew until it became unbearable. You reluctantly peeled yourself from his grip, your heart breaking upon hearing a small whimper leave his sleeping form. As you crossed the bedroom floor, you tried to remain as quiet as possible, picking up your clothes and quickly getting dressed. Before you could leave, however, you heard the rustling of sheets behind you, followed by the voice of the man you were trying to forget.

“You’re leaving?” Jake’s question hung in the air. Fighting against yourself, you kept your back turned to him, willing yourself to answer.

“I have to, Jake. You know that.” Your voice was ice cold, and you hated yourself for it.

“No, you don’t,” was his response, barely above a whisper.

A long sigh left your lips as you collected yourself, forcing your voice to remain even. “What other choice do I have?” you asked him. The question sounded like a desperate plea as if you were begging him for a way out.

He fell silent for a moment before giving you the one alternative you couldn’t take: “You could stay.”

You shook your head as tears began to blur your vision. “I can’t,” was the only reply you could manage. You reached for your purse on the dresser and moved toward the bedroom door. You told yourself that this was the last time. As soon as you touched the doorknob, you would be a new woman, a better woman, but your hand stopped short as Jake’s voice filled the room again.

“So that’s it?” he asked, “You’re just gonna go back to him and pretend like nothing ever happened between us?” The hurt in his tone was undeniable, and it broke your heart to know that it was all your fault.

You finally turned to face him, and you immediately regretted it. Seeing the rise and fall of his bare chest paired with the soft expanse of his relaxed stomach made you want to rush into his arms and feel his touch against you, but one look at his face solidified why you could never do so again. Looking into his pained eyes, you were reminded of your other love, and you knew that he would feel the same anguish if he knew where you were. That was the thought that plagued your mind as you nodded at Jake, betraying your own heart, and answered him with a quiet, “That’s the way it has to be.”

“So it all meant nothing to you?” he murmured as tears threatened to shake his voice, “I make love to you and share a bed with you, and it means nothing?” The questions were absent of any animosity, instead carrying all the pain and desperation in his being.

Warm tears began to roll down your cheeks as you shook your head. “It meant everything, Jake. You know it did.”

He rose to meet you and began his plea, “Then why does it have to end? I love you. Can’t that be enough for you to at least try? I know things seem messy, but if we love each other then none of that matters.” His hands reach out to grab yours, but you pull them away.

“Jake,” you answered, your voice reverting back to its cold infliction, “I’ve made up my mind. There’s nothing you can do to change my decision.” You looked away from him, reaching for the doorknob until his hand gripped your forearm.

“Wait,” he whispered. You turned to face him, and his hand found the back of your neck, pulling you into one final kiss. Against your better judgment, you melted into his touch. One of your hands moved to grip his bicep while the other found its way into his hair, tugging at the locks at the base of his neck. Small whimpers left you as he devoured you, allowing all of his passion to flow out of him. His hands traveled across your whole figure, knowing each touch would have to be enough for a lifetime.

As you eventually pulled away, you felt him lingering against your skin, afraid to let go for the last time. Making the move for him, you took a step back, removing yourself from his reach. “I’m sorry, Jake,” you whispered as your hand finally turned the doorknob, “Goodbye.” And with that, you disappeared behind the door, leaving behind the man you loved.

After a long drive home, your vehicle finally approached your driveway. You looked at yourself in the rearview mirror, making sure to remove any smudged makeup that could reveal the tears you had shed earlier in the night. You pulled into the garage and took one final breath before turning the key and exiting the car.

For the second time tonight, you tried to be as quiet as possible, unlocking the front door and slipping into your bedroom to don your pajamas. Glancing behind you, you saw your husband’s sleeping form, his mess of curls unruly but his face relaxed and angelic. Your heart ached as you were reminded of your love left behind, and you prayed to yourself that you could save the love you had left.

Once clad in your nightclothes, you slowly climbed into bed. Your lover gently stirred as his eyes fluttered open. A small smile graced his lips, and his arms wrapped around you, pulling you into his bare chest. “Hey, baby,” he greeted, planting a sweet kiss to your forehead, “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, Josh,” you replied as you felt him nuzzle into the crook of your neck, “Sorry I’m back so late, me and the girls lost track of time.” The lie burned as it passed through your lips.

He softly shook his head, “That’s alright. I’m just glad you had fun.” He pulled you in for another kiss, his lips lingering against yours as they curled into another smile, “I love you.”

A moment of silence fell between you until you finally answered, mumbling a quiet, “I love you,” in return. You molded into his embrace, trying to find comfort in his arms as silent tears fell down your face, only stopping once you were fast asleep. And in the night, your husband found himself fighting back the same tears, knowing that your love was both one he had to share and one he couldn't live without.

taglist: @westernwoods @sunfl0wer-power @gold-mines-melting @alwaysonthemend @andtherestishistory13

#mal writes #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka x y/n #jake kiszka x you #jake kiszka #jake gvf #jake kiszka angst #josh kiszka x reader #josh kiszka x y/n #josh kiszka x you #josh kiszka #josh gvf #josh kiszka angst #greta van fleet #gvf fic #gvf angst

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builtbybrokenbells · 11 months

Text

It’s Never Over

A blowout resulting in an untimely breakup between y/n and her long term boyfriend leaves both of them broken. A year and a half later, after nothing but radio silence and unrequited love, they find themselves face to face once more. Both grown up, living completely different lives, but still hurting over mistakes their younger selves made, and still hopelessly head over heels for each other. They find themselves caught up in the struggle of choice; to allow history to repeat itself, or let the memory of their past fade away into nothing.

listen while reading: lover, you should’ve come over - Jeff Buckley

Pairing: josh kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 17.7k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, sweet soft makeup sex, oral (f!receiving), fingering, praise, pet names, body worshiping ig if you squint, breakups/breakup talk, angst (with a happy ending 😁), mentions of drugs, drinking, sad josh (needs a warning of its own), crying, some yelling, sweetness, tooth rotting fluff, sorry if I miss any!!!

so somebody requested some josh angst and i just couldn’t help myself 🤭 a very happy ending, pinky promise. you guys know me well enough to know I’m a slut for happy endings. also sorry it turned out so long, i HAVE to stop it with the literal novels. i just got super attached to the characters and got carried away (what else is new). i also wrote this mostly in one sitting so I had to trim a lot and add things here and there, but i hope this is satisfactory!! also not fantastically edited, cause I’m super lazy 🫣 as always, be kind, enjoy, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes!!

The silk of your dress clung to your skin, the slit in the leg just promiscuous enough to catch eyes, but not enough to be uncomfortably exposed. The deep emerald green was elegant, a fantastic choice on your part. Your hair hung loosely over your shoulders, the scent of your perfume radiating around you. You were dressed to the nines, much like the other women pooling into the lobby of the five-star hotel. Even so, you had never felt more out of place. As you anxiously awaited the progression to the main event, you couldn’t help but check over your shoulders every few minutes. You were hoping to catch sight of any familiar faces before they saw you, in hopes of a head start to hide away. You straightened your hair out and fixed the straps of your dress, trying to pass a few more minutes without focusing on your nervousness.

It was your first time back in Nashville after a year and a half of avoiding it. You’d moved to New York some time ago and hadn’t looked back since. Your hometown was greatly missed, but for no reasons that were obvious. You didn’t miss your family; you shared phone calls and texts, which was perfectly fine for you. They’d always been a bit hard on the head, raving about appearance and sophistication rather than fun and happiness, so the distance wasn’t terribly troublesome. Your siblings were scattered across the world, anyway, so the change in location really had no effect on the relationships you previously had with them. The town itself wasn’t troublesome to leave behind, either. You had gotten your fill of it in your first twenty-some years of life, and it was quite refreshing to get out into the world and see something new.

What you did miss, though, was the boy you left behind. Although, it wasn’t a choice to leave him; he’d made that decision for you, and without a hesitation, too. You never expected him to come with you while you followed your dream. It would be selfish to expect him to leave everything behind to chase you around the world. But, you did hope that there was a part of him that wanted to make it work despite the distance, like you’d done for him countless times. When you told him you had to go, that the move was something you desperately needed, all of the love he ever had for you seemed to disappear. He turned cold and distant, and ended things without a second thought.

“Please, Josh, just listen to me for one minute!” You begged, tears forming in your eyes. His usually joyous face was nothing short of indifferent towards you, now.

“I don’t have anything to talk about with you, y/n.” The words were equal to a stab to the chest. His eyes were looking anywhere but you, secretly afraid he’d break down and tell you everything he was holding back.

“You’re going to throw the last three years out the window over this? Without a compromise, or a conversation, or anything at all?” There was a few feet of space between you, both scared of breaking the invisible boundary.

“You’re leaving! You pack up all of your shit and move in with me, just to tell me a few months later that you’re moving across the country? You’ve known for a while, and you’re just telling me now?” He finally broke, the pain in his eyes clearer than anything you’d ever seen. The accusatory tone was infuriating, as if he was sentencing you with a crime you hadn’t committed.

“I haven’t known for a while, Josh. I just got the email today! I applied thinking there was no way in hell I would ever hear back, but I did, and I have to go. This is my dream, you know that. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted.” You pleaded for him to see reason.

“The only thing, huh?” You could tell the statement landed wrong, feeling guilty for even making him think that was what you meant. “I tell you all of the time you can come work with us, design for us; we’d be more than happy to have you there.”

“I can’t do that! I can’t always be in the background of your fame. I can’t backpack off of your success, live in the shadows of my boyfriend forever. I need to make a name for myself, to prove to everyone that I can do it on my own, without any handouts.” You explained. He nodded, barely responding to anything you had to say about it.

“That’s fine, y/n. Go, live your dream. I’m not stopping you.” He sounded defeated, like he was giving up.

“What about us?” You whispered, your voice hoarse from the hours of back-and-fourth yelling.

“Clearly you weren’t thinking about me when you made the decision, so why are you worried about it, now?” Your heart broke, the tears you were holding back finally falling down your cheeks. “You can go, but I’m not going to wait for you to come back.” Silence hung thick in the air, and for the first time in your long history, it was uncomfortable.

“So that’s it?” You snapped. “I can sit at home while you travel the world, wait for you to come home, not know if you’re sleeping with the millions of girls that throw themselves at you? That’s fine? But the minute I want to get out of here, escape the shitty 9-5 lifestyle and do something for myself, I’m the bad guy? I’m not asking you to drop everything and come with me, I’m just asking you to love me enough to support me while I do it!” You could see regret flash in his eyes, both of your emotions running high and clouding your judgement. When he remained silent, you got more than enough of an answer. “Okay,” you let out a small, humourless laugh. “I’ll get my shit, then. If this is how you want to go about it, fine by me. You’ll never have to see me again.” You turned towards the hallway, preparing yourself to pack up your entire life.

“Y/n,” he said, stopping you for a moment. “Just stay, please.” You could hear tears in his voice, too.

“So I can sit around and wait for you for the rest of my life?” Your voice cracked, effortlessly showing him all of the emotion you were trying not to let out. “I can’t put everything on pause because you don’t want me to go, Josh. I might never get a chance like this ever again. I don’t want to leave you, but this is my life. My dream.”

“I’m supposed to be a part of your life, too.”

“Not if you make me choose.”

“So you’ve already made up your mind?” The accusation fuelled a fire in you.

“I was hoping to have both, but I guess we can’t have everything we want.” He let out a long exhale.

“Yeah, I guess so.” He grumbled. “You’re leaving to chase after a possibility, y/n. You’re gonna move out there with no real offer lined up? You could get out there and end up at another shitty office job. Alone, away from everything you know. I’m here. I love you, and I’m certain about that.” Your stomach sank at his words, filled with dread knowing that he didn’t believe in you.

“You may be, but I’m not.” You scoffed. “If you love me, you’d support me. You know how bad I want this. You’re not being fair.” You waited for a moment, hoping he’d say something else. When you were met with another staggering silence, you stumbled away from him with your heart in your stomach and your head in your hands. You left your house key on the bed before walking away forever.

That was the last time you spoke to him. A few days after that, you got on a plane to New York and spent months trying to rid yourself of his memory. Now, over a year later, every essence of your being was still plagued with Josh Kiszka. You never got over him, you never moved on, and you never stopped thinking of him. He was the love of your life; the type of love that overshadowed any other emotion you could ever experience. Sure, you hated him, too, and a part of you hoped you’d never see him again, but there was a bigger part of you that longed for one more hug, or even just another smile. He was one of a kind, and nobody held a candle to him. He never texted, he never called, or even so much as liked a social media post. Sometimes, you wondered if you’d spend the rest of your life yearning for someone who barely remembered you existed.

As much as you still loved him, the hurt you held in your chest was debilitating. He let you walk out the door, no hint of hesitation. It killed you, because you’d spent years cheering him and his brothers on while they lived their dream, but he wasn’t willing to reciprocate for you. You hoped he would change his mind, but the only thing you’d received in your year away was radio silence. There was no solid proof that you ever existed to him aside from memory, and that’s what hurt you the most. You watched his life through pictures, his face gracing your phone screen with new press releases and album announcements, sending you spiralling down the Kiszka rabbit hole even further. You listened to their music every now and then, even watched a few interviews, just to remind yourself of what his voice sounded like. You were well aware that their new album was bound to release within the next few months. It served as another reminder of how great his life was going without you in it.

You hadn’t done too bad for yourself, either. The move to New York stemmed from a submission to be considered for a spot in New York Fashion Week. You’d applied as a model for the event, with slim expectations for a response. When they responded to your headshots, it kickstarted the fire in you to follow your passion. Once you arrived, you modelled and found that taste of life you’d been longing for so badly. You had the opportunity to meet big names you had been dreaming of meeting your whole life, and somehow even managed to pick up a mentor to help you achieve your biggest dream: design. After a few months of solely shadowing her, then a year of sleepless nights and some blood, sweat, and tears, you were finally set to release your own line of designer clothing. Of course, it was partnered with your mentor company, but it still adorned your name.

Most of your presale items were already sold out, giving you an overwhelming sense of pride. Big celebrities were in line to own your clothing, eager enough to buy it that they were ordering months ahead. As much as it hurt leaving everything behind when you moved to New York, your life was more than you ever could have imagined it, now. Still, with all of the financial success, a part of you still felt like it was missing. Somewhere amidst all of the fame, you realized that you may have given up a bit too much to get where you were. You tried not to focus on it, knowing that dwelling on the past would only limit you from the future. If Josh Kiszka was meant to be yours, he would be. If not, life would go on. You had to understand that, because if you believed anything else, you were sure it would kill you.

The crowd began to filter away in front of you, letting you know the doors to the event were opening. The cameras outside were still flashing, meaning guests were still arriving. You were thankful you had a room booked upstairs so you could avoid the paparazzi. As much as you loved your work, the galas and celebrations could be a bit much by times. You almost preferred the quietness of the design room over the runway, now. At first, the pictures and cheers and magazine covers were a thrill. They’d begun to lose their novelty almost as soon as it started, just the same as the parties. When your boss handed you a plane ticket a few days prior, you questioned why you were heading to Nashville. She’d wasted no time in telling you about the Gala you would be not only attending, but speaking at. Your stomach was sick at the idea. Some of it was due to the public speaking, but more so because Nashville was the last place you wanted to be. But, part of the job was to keep up appearances, so you had no choice but to oblige.

The question of Nashville in specific brought up a whole world of information. Apparently, the success of your line of clothing had caused some speculation of expansion. That morning, the company announced your own outlet store opening in your hometown. They thought it as a gift to you, but it was more of a nightmare. That meant a lot more time in Nashville, even permanently, for a while. Also, more appearances, and more of a chance to run into the boy you’d rather run away from. Still, your appreciation of the gesture was unmatched; knowing they had faith in you to have your own outlets meant more than anything in the world. You felt like the success you’d been searching for had finally rewarded you. So, you hopped on a plane and threw on your best dress. You left your hotel room with big smiles and the determination to forget any uncertainty. Still, you were well aware that a gala in Nashville would indisputably include musicians. That meant there was a larger chance of seeing Josh than you were particularly comfortable with.

You followed the sea of people into the large room, noticing it was decorated in hints of golds and silvers, really showcasing elegance. The stage was lit up with low lights, hinting towards the anticipated guest speakers. Soft music flowed through the sound system, enveloping you in a warm embrace. Music was the best way to drown out the other noise, and in your life, there was always noise. “You know, there’s more to life than caviar and blow.” You looked to your side, focusing on your company for the night. You laughed at her comment once you’d processed what she said. “I don’t think many people here know that.”

“It’s a tale of the rich, Liz. Most of these people were born on a bed of gold plated fish eggs and were shoved straight into generational drug addiction.” You smirked, eyes scanning the crowd. You knew your parents weren’t poor, but they were far from the families some of these people were born into. They had good reputations in the community, but not across the world. You weren’t impoverished, but would never have fathomed this type of money as a kid. As much as they cared about appearance, they were good parents. They raised you with love and strong morals, and you weren’t a stranger to struggle. They didn’t pay your way through life. What you got came from what you earned.

“Can you even imagine growing up this way? First birthdays spent at the Met Gala and graduation parties thrown in Venice?” She chuckled, but disbelief was present in her tone. Liz was a university student you’d hand picked to hire after her graduation. She doubled as an assistant and one of your models, but she was more than that. Over the months, she’d slowly turned into your best friend. She wasn’t much younger than you, only by about three years. Her resume caught your eye faster than any other, and you’d called her almost instantly. She just wanted experience in the fashion world, but you were certain that if things went smooth over the next few months, you’d ensure she’d be given her shares in the company. She worked extremely hard, had fantastic insight, along with being bright, kind, and hilarious. She kept you on your toes and brought you back to reality when you needed it.

“I suppose if you don’t know anything else, it’s completely normal.” You theorized. “I don’t ever want my kids to grow up that way. I don’t want them to be scared of playing outside and getting dirty. I don’t want money to be their main concern. And, if I had to suffer through the American public school system, they will too.” You laughed. She joined in, agreeing completely. You turned your head towards her, noticing the material of her dress was misplaced around her shoulders. “Mm, hold on,” you said, reaching over to her. She faced you, already knowing what the look on your face meant. You straightened it out, taking a small step back to double check. “There. Can’t have you in disarray, darling. Sure way to get us kicked out.” She grinned, picking up on your joking tone immediately.

“You just want your designer dresses to look perfect.”

“I’m nothing if not vain.” You both shared another laugh. You noticed a photographer making his way around the room through the corner of your eye. “Lipstick check.” You said, panicked. You flashed her your teeth.

“You’re good.” She repeated the action back to you.

“You, too.” You let out a dramatic sigh of relief. “Can’t wait to get the pictures and introductions over with so we can start drinking.”

“You don’t need any generational alcoholism; you got that all by yourself.” She chided. You chuckled, eyes searching for a server with champagne. That was one thing that was always for certain; no matter how mind-numbing the gala’s were, there was always high-end alcohol floating around somewhere.

“It’s not all pretty patterns and cross stitching, you know. Have to drown the demons somehow.” Your conversation was cut short by a camera being shoved in your faces. You gave your best public smile, the kind where your lips were upturned but you looked a little dead behind the eyes. Somehow in the celebrity world, that equated to elegance. You posed with Liz, giving the camera a bit of a show. Eventually, you broke and gave a real smile, but only for a moment. Once the photographer moved away, you relaxed your posture, feeling a bit more human.

“Does fame always entail looking soulless?”

“Yeah, pretty much. You’ll get used to it.” You mumbled, eyes falling to the table that was overflowing with food. Your eyes lit up at the sight of self-serve champagne flutes. You grabbed Liz’s hand, bringing her along with you as you advanced towards it. You picked up a glass, immediately taking a large gulp out of it. The nude colour of your lipstick stained the rim, claiming it as your own. Liz grabbed one too, also indulging in the bubbly liquid. “You don’t have to look soulless all of the time. Just when you’re posing, or on the walk, or if you’re walking down the street, or at the supermarket.” You listed, humour radiating from you. “Interviews give you the chance to show a little bit of life. Takes the world as a shock, you know, when they realize you actually have a personality.” You continued the earlier conversation.

“That seems a bit odd, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yeah, definitely. But it’s what I was taught.” You gave a shrug. “I think people find power attractive, and that’s kind of what you encase in pictures when you look like that. At least that’s what I picked up from it.”

“Makes sense, I guess. Also makes the interviews more memorable, too. People cling to the emotion ‘cause they feel like they finally get to know some part of you. Feel connected, even.”

“Exactly, sweetheart. See? You’re gonna have my job in no time.”

“Oh, don’t say that, you’ve got at least two more good years before people get bored of you.” You couldn’t help the cackle that fell from your lips, finding the statement hilarious mostly because of its truth. The spotlight only shines for so long before it’s begging to move on. “I don’t want your job. I’d like to work with you forever, I think.” She picked up an appetizer from the table, eyeing it suspiciously before popping it in her mouth.

“Don’t you think I’d be more fun when I go batshit crazy because I don’t know what to do with myself after the fame?”

“No, because I’d have to take care of you.” She said without missing a beat. “I know the rest of the ass-kissers at the office won’t. They just want their five minutes of fame. They don’t give a shit about you.” You hummed an agreement, knowing she was speaking the truth. True connection in the world of money and power was rare, and she was the only person you’d ever felt it with aside from your own mentor. It was a constant struggle of use people or get used, and it was exhausting. As much passion as you had for your work, you were always the first to admit that the industry was ruthless.

“Yeah, sometimes I feel like Julius Caesar walking in there. Waiting for the day they all get together and stab me.” You took another sip from your glass.

“Well, they’ll probably stab me, too. At least we can go to hell, together.” You raised your glass as a cheers to the statement. She gently clicked her glass against yours in response. “Jokes aside, you are a good boss. They all have great things to say about you, so you don’t have to worry about planned assassination, yet.”

“Fantastic news. I’ve been preparing for it for weeks, now.” You smiled. Just as you finished speaking, the lights dimmed a little further. You paid no mind to it, assuming it was just a cue for everyone to gather around in preparation for the first speech. “I want to be a good boss. I don’t want to be the person everybody is scared of. I do what I do because I love it, not for the money. If I can make people fall in love with it, too, then I know I did something worthwhile. That’s the end goal.” You drained the last of your beverage, placing your glass on the tray to be taken away. You immediately went for another, needing the liquid courage for when the stage was yours.

“You do a good job. That office is full of inspiration. I never felt out of place, even when I had no experience. Made me feel like I was meant to be there, rather than just meant to work for you.” You let a smile out, one laced with genuineness.

“Cause you are, Liz. I didn’t hire you because i thought you’d stroke my ego. I hired you because I knew you’d challenge me. There’s no pride in getting your way all of the time. We all need a little criticism to thrive.”

“It’s insane, y/n. I remember being in my grad year and hearing about the new model catching the attention of everyone at Fashion Week. Less than a year later, you were working with one of the biggest designers in America, and starting your own brand. You made the industry your bitch, and when you hired me I was terrified of you. I thought anyone who climbed the ladder that fast had to be evil. But you’re just a person. My friend, even. You respect everyone, from the big bosses to the janitors. It’s very admirable.”

“Don’t stroke my ego, I just told you that’s not why I hired you.” You chuckled. “I was the same as everyone else, too. I didn’t come from money, I had to do the dirty work, I got my heart broken, and knocked down a few times, too. I can recognize what I have now had a lot to do with luck, even if I do have the talent. That’s just the way the industry works. But, everyone plays a part in success, even if you’re the one changing the garbages, signing the legal documents, or have your name sewn into the tag.” She watched you in admiration as you spoke, almost shaking her head in disbelief. Despite the tiny age gap, she always felt like she could get the wisdom she craved from you. She looked up to you, even when you told her not to. In your eyes, you and her were the same. You wished she’d start to see it that way, too. “You’ll realize I’m just me when I get up there and stumble over all of my words.” You chuckled.

“You’ll look hot while you do it, though.” She gave you a nudge with your elbow. You laughed, feeling redness rise to your cheeks.

“You think so?” You appreciated the compliment more than she realized. Deep down, you were hoping to look good, just in case Josh happened to be floating around the event.

“Oh, yeah. That dress was the right choice.” You both fell into a silence, meticulously people watching. By the time the first speech was over with, you were buzzing with nervousness for your turn on the stage. You realized just how many people were there as you observed the crowed, understanding that if you messed up, you’d be the laughing stock of the event. Liz picked up on your anxiety, soothing you with small jokes and comments intermittently. It was helping slightly, knowing that you weren’t there alone, at least.

You’d done a lot of behind the scenes work over the last year. You did a few shows, not minding the camera in your face because you didn’t have to say anything. There was no worry of stutters or misplaced rambling. Only recently had you started speaking publicly, beginning with interviews and press conferences. Now, they were integrating you into a spokesperson. As your mentor told you, your work is nothing without publicity. You needed to create the illusion of connection, make people believe they know you, make them feel appreciated. That was the key to success. You spoke at a few gala’s, but this was the largest one to date with some of the most popular faces. The alcohol was giving you a bit of a sense of confidence, and whether it was fake or not didn’t matter; you had it, and you were going to use it.

A hand on your shoulder sent a jolt of shock through you, as it was unfamiliar, yet strangely comforting. Somewhere in your soul, you recognized it without even having to look at the face. “I always told you green was your colour, sunshine.” The tone, the dialect, formulation of the words, even the barely noticeable Michigan accent at the end of the sentence was painstakingly reminiscent for you. Your stomach plummeted, heart pounding against your rib cage as you turned towards the voice. Your gaze connected with his, sending a wave of emotion through you more powerful than most you’d felt before.

“Jake,” you breathed. His lips upturned into a smile, unable to contain his excitement to see you.

“I missed you.” He said, wasting no time pulling you into a hug. As much of a shock as it was to see him, you couldn’t help but melt into the hold. As angry as you were with his brother, Jake had always been your best friend through the years of dating Josh. When your relationship came to an untimely end, so did your friendship. You’d grown estranged from the boy in the same way you had with Josh, and it killed you just the same, too. You spent days deliberating reaching out to him, just to check in, but you didn’t want to overstep boundaries. Instead, you mastered the art of becoming a stranger with him, too.

“You had time to miss me with all of that music you’re making?” You teased, pulling back but not fully letting go of him. Your hand rested on his bicep, hesitant to release him in case he slipped away. “An album and another world tour coming up, I’m surprised you have time to think of anything other than that guitar.”

“Always have time to think about you,” he said, trying to pass it off as a joke. You could see a flicker of hurt cross his eyes, the small emotion feeling like a stab to the chest. “What about you, though? Your own brand and an outlet store here in Nashville?”

“So you keep up to date with me?” You grinned.

“Seems like you do, too.” He chuckled. “I, uh… I’m proud of you, Sunny.” The words settled in your bones like cement, weighing you down. As kind as they were, everything seemed to hurt when it was coming from his mouth. Maybe it was the way he said it, or the way his tone of voice reminded you so much of the boy you forced yourself to stop thinking about. Maybe it was his mannerisms, or the face, because when he turned his head a certain angle, all you could see was Josh. Whatever it was, it hurt, and it hurt achingly bad.

“I’m proud of you guys, too. The single was phenomenal. I always knew you guys were destined for something big. I think I can even see the rock and roll hall of fame in your future.” You smiled.

“One can dream.” He laughed. “I saw you were almost completely sold out of pre-orders. Everybody has been talking about you. It’s crazy.”

“You checked out my website?” You asked, a fizzle of excitement sparking in your chest. He scoffed at the question.

“I think we were the first to put an order in.” He was telling the truth, you could sense the genuine nature of his words just by his eyes. “The men’s line is super cool, by the way.”

“Oh,” you squeaked. “You got something?” Your cheeks were burning with embarrassment.

“Of course we did, y/n. We all got something.” You wanted to press further about his statement of ‘all’, but you pushed the thought away.

“I thought you guys would have forgotten about me by now.” You admitted. A bewildered look flashed across his face.

��Forget you?” He asked, unable to believe you’d ever think that. “Sunny, we think about you almost every day. We talk about you all of the time.” You swallowed hard at the new found information. “I saw your name on the program and I knew I couldn’t let you get away without saying hi, at least. I’ve been looking for you all night. Recognized you as soon as I saw you over here. Could spot you from a mile away. I know… I know things ended pretty poorly, but the love is still there. That’ll never go away.” You almost didn’t know how to answer, wanting to pry more from him, but also not wanting to know at all.

“Is… is Josh here, too?” You finally asked, knowing the answer before he replied.

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Is he,” you paused yourself, unsure if the inquiries were pushing a boundary. “okay? I mean, like obviously, but you know.” You rambled, embarrassing yourself slightly.

“He’s Josh.” Jake assured you, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “He misses you. He’s the first to check all of the fashion magazines to see if they’re talking about you. He hasn’t been… quite the same, since everything. He still laughs and drinks and rambles, but he’s a bit more distant, I think.”

“Oh,” you repeated your same proclamation from earlier.

“If you feel up to it, maybe stop and say hello. Even if you don’t talk to him, Sam and Danny would be over the moon to see you.”

“Uh, I don’t know, Jake.” A humourless laugh fell from your lips. “Some things are just better left as is.”

“I don’t think this one is,” he said, eyes boring into you. “It’s completely up to you, sunshine.” He said, smiling warmly to assure you he meant it. Before you could respond, the announcer called out your name; in the height of emotion, you must have missed your introduction. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?” Jake said, ushering you to the stage. You nodded, downing the last of your champagne before bustling towards the stairs. You were mindful of the skirt of your dress as you walked, fearing you may trip on it and ruin the entrance. Once you had both feet planted safely on the stage, you took to the mic stand.

“Thank you for that kind introduction,” You smiled off to the side of the stage at the host, assuming he had said something kind like he had for the other speakers. Otherwise, you would look a bit like a fool. “It’s fantastic to be here tonight.” You took in a breath, trying not to focus on the crowd staring up at you. “I spent a long time debating on what to say when I got here, tonight. If I’m being completely transparent, I’m still not sure. The boss told me to get up here and tell you about myself, so that’s what I’m going to do.” You started, eyes settling on Liz for some sense of security. You used her as a focal point until your comfortability grew. “It’s intimidating getting on stage and talking about success. Especially when I feel far behind in that department, sometimes. It doesn’t seem to matter how many sales are made, or how many congratulations are spewed; we always seem to be our biggest critic, and I haven’t been able to break that habit, yet. Growing up in Nashville, there was always buzz about the greats and the up and coming stars; this whole city, and state, is full of pride, and for good reason. To think that I can be considered part of it has been mind-blowing. Knowing the support I have from home and all over the world has been incredibly eye opening, and a bit of a confidence boost, too.” You flashed a smile, causing a chorus of laughter from the audience.

“Just over a year ago, I was packing my bags and riddled with anxiety at the thought of jumping on a plane and flying away from everything I’d ever known. Somehow, by the grace of the universe, I’d been selected to participate in New York Fashion Week. When I moved there, there was no true promise of a career, but the publicity certainly seemed like a good place to start. As I flew away from here, all I could hear in my head was a million reasons to turn around and stay home. There was one voice of reason in the swarm of negativity that pushed me to follow my dream, and I’m so thankful I listened to it.” You paused, regaining your breath before you continued on. “When I arrived, I got to meet people I’d been admiring for my entire life; names that I never thought I would get a chance to speak about, let alone speak to them. I walked with pride, even in my ignorance. I had no idea what I was doing, I was just happy to be there. Somehow, in my clumsiness and lack of grace, someone saw potential. I was lucky enough to be graced with a mentor who never gave up on me; one who taught me everything I know. She is my rock, and my mother away from home. I owe every success to her, and I have no shame in saying that.” There was an awe from the crowd, appreciating the sweetness.

“She taught me design, sure, but more so than that, she taught me dedication, pride and the true meaning of hard work.” Another laugh sounded. “After a few months of relentless effort, it started to pay off. A few small companies picked up my designs, using them for miscellaneous projects. But one day, in the dreariness of winter, I was given my most valuable gift; the offer to launch my own line of clothing. Of course, partnered with my parent company, but my own work, with my heart and soul stitched into the seams. I still struggle to believe it’s real.” There was a chorus of cheers at the statement. You gave a smile, rose dusting your cheeks. “In the time from the early stages of production to now, I’ve made incredible memories. There were hard times, lots of tears and challenges, and even a couple nights leaving me with the desire to give up. But I pushed through, persevering only due to the strength that my team gives me every day. Every person I work with played a part in me getting here, and it would be incredibly dishonourable to walk away without thanking them for their hard work, too. I was lucky enough to bring along my assistant, Liz.” You pointed to her in the front row. “She’s been my driving force, my best friend, and my motivation. I have no doubt that she’ll take over for me eventually, or even be bigger than what I am, now. If anyone deserves applause, it’s her.” The crowd gave another round of cheers, causing the younger girl to erupt in a blush, smiling and waving slightly. When the crowd died down, you continued.

“I’m beyond grateful to say the presales for the brand have nearly been sold out already. That is almost unfathomable for me to think about. This morning our company issued an announcement, which I’m sure some have heard by now. After months of relentless efforts, and the dedication from my fantastic colleagues, in addition to launching this new line of clothing, our first outlet will be opening here in Nashville. We thought it only right for my hometown to be the first place to have access to our store. I’m at a loss of words at the moment; I cannot express my gratitude enough.” A round of applause sounded. You couldn’t hold back your grin, looking around the room at all of the beaming faces.

“I want to sincerely thank everyone here for giving me the time to speak. Telling my story still feels very odd, like I shouldn’t have a story to tell. I never expected to be here in my lifetime, let alone at the young age that I am. To be considered a part of Nashville’s pride is an extraordinary feeling, and proof that hard work does pay off. I would be nothing without this city, and to see the love it has for me is a beautiful thing. I also want to say thank you to all of the friends of the past, ones who I don’t necessarily speak with anymore, but I always hold close to me, no matter the distance. There’s a few in the audience tonight, ones who will forever hold a place in my heart. They helped me get here just as much as anyone else.” You gave a soft smile, trying to locate Jake. You caught sight of him, making sure he knew who you were talking about. You ignored the bodies that stood next to him, unsure if you could keep going if you caught Josh’s gaze. “So with that, I won’t keep you any longer. Enjoy your night of festivities. The food is fantastic, and so are the drinks. Thank you for allowing me to share my celebrations with you all, and here’s to a hundred more outlet stores across the world.”

As you stepped off the stage, you were finally able to fully catch your breath. The clapping and cheering didn’t fully dissipate until you rejoined Liz by the beverages. “You did fantastic!” She raved, handing you a new glass of champagne.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up.” You breathed, fanning yourself with your hand. You grabbed the champagne with your other, wanting to drink away the feeling of standing on stage. “This is so stupid, don’t you think?” You asked her. “A bunch of rich people bragging about how rich they are.”

“That’s only some of them. Others are people who worked hard and want to celebrate the success. That’s where you come in.” She gave you a pat on the shoulder. “Thanks for the mention. Made me feel special.”

“You are special,” you laughed. “Takes a certain type of person to be able to put up with me all day.”

“Mm, you seem pretty widely liked. Who was that guy you were talking to?” She pried. You grimaced at the memory of the interaction.

“Uh, that was ex-boyfriends twin brother.” You explained. Her eyes widened at the knowledge, almost as if she didn’t believe you. You were surprised she didn’t catch on. Well, more surprised that she wasn’t eavesdropping. If you were her, you would be.

“Like ex-boyfriend who broke up with you because you moved to New York?”

“That’s the one.” You nodded. She knew about Josh, but mostly just the basics. She was well aware of the constant internal battle of still loving him and hating his guts. “Jake was my best friend, too, though. Just ‘cause me and Josh ended badly doesn’t mean I don’t love him.” You shrugged.

“So do we hate Josh today, or love him?” She raised an eyebrow.

“To be determined.” You grabbed a napkin off the table and one of the more appetizing looking foods.

“Is he here?” You nodded.

“Whole band is. I’m not surprised. They have an album and a world tour coming up.”

“So you keep tabs on them,” she smirked.

“Yeah, obviously. You wouldn’t?”

“Fair enough.” She conceded. “Are you going to talk to him?”

You didn’t answer, mostly because you weren’t sure yourself. You had no idea if you wanted to talk to him, and no idea if he wanted to talk to you. You weren’t mad at her for being curious. She’d been trying to set you up on dates the entire time she’d known you, but you always turned them down. She only clued in to why after you told her about Josh. You had no interest in dating anyone, mostly because you were certain nobody would ever compare to him. The other part of you was terrified of getting hurt like that again. When Josh let you walk out without as much as a shred of hesitation, it shattered you. He was everything; the one thing in your life you’d ever been 100% certain of. Leaving him behind was gut wrenching, but knowing he didn’t care enough to fight for you was worse. You always believed he loved you enough to not care about the distance; the few tours he’d done while you were dating never proved to be an issue. You had a hard time swallowing the truth that he didn’t mind the distance as long as he wasn’t the one waiting at home.

“I don’t know, Liz.” You sighed. “It’s been a long time. I think it’s better to just let it go.”

“If you still love him this much after all of this time, maybe you shouldn’t.” You placed the flute to your lips, tipping your head back and taking another long drink of champagne.

“You’ll learn soon enough not to listen to your heart all of the time. Brain knows best.” You reminded. “And stop being an instigator, you little shit.” You laughed. She smiled, but her eyes were following something behind you. You furrowed your eyebrows at her sudden disinterest in you, finding it odd.

“Better turn your heart off, then.” She let out a quick mumble of words. She’d recognized him just from the similarities to his brother. There was no mistaking who he was, or who he was intending to talk to.

“What?” You questioned, turning your head to look in the direction of her gaze. As soon as you did, you wished you hadn’t.

Your heart sped, stomach erupting into nervous butterflies. Your palms were sweating and your breath was stuck in your throat. Josh was there, approaching you with intent. He looked different; his hair was fluffier, shaved down on the sides. He had facial hair, too, although not much. He really looked like he’d grown up since the last time you’d seen him. But, if you had to admit it, you did, too. No more kids pretending to be grown ups with too many hopes and dreams; real adults with real professions. Adults that admittedly, had been very stupid. Adults that were still very much hurting over the mistakes their younger selves made. The difference 18 months can make was staggering, you realized.

His confidence faltered once he caught your eyes. He was certain he was going to fall to his knees, weak just from the sight of you in front of him again. As he walked, he debated turning around, pretending he’d never seen you at all. But, he was certain there was a gleam of hope in your eye, and that drove him to keep going. “I’ll catch up with you later,” Liz said, quickly shuffling away to give you a moment of privacy. By the time she was out of sight, he was in front of you. The scent of incense and lingering cologne hit you like a ton of bricks. It was a scent you’d been craving for a long time, unmistakably Josh. Unmistakably home. The both of you stood, unsure of where to start. The emotion was too intense for a simple hello, but the uncertainty limited you both from saying anything else.

You looked over his face, taking in his features, studying him as if you were trying to memorize him all over again. He did look different, his jaw a bit more prominent and overall looked a bit more serious than he used to. Still, under the new facade, he was in there. The Josh you fell in love with was undoubtedly standing in front of you, just rebranded. You realized he couldn’t change enough to take away the type of love you had for him, for it was undying. “Is this the part where we cause a scene and I throw my drink at you?” You asked. The corner of his lips upturned into a smirk.

“If you feel the need to, I suppose I could understand why.” You returned the expression, happy to know that the spark was still there. At least to you, it was.

“How’ve you been, Josh?” You whispered. You were certain a flash of hurt crossed his eyes as the words left your lips. It was one that told you he thought too much of you for such simplistic small-talk. One that screamed rejection at the formalities, especially considering you both knew each other better than anyone else.

“Travelling the world.” He shrugged, but that’s all he gave. “What about you, Sunshine?” The sound of the nickname coming from his lips could have sent you straight to your knees. You had to take a long breath before you could respond, feeling the need to recover from his question.

“Dressing up and pretending I fit in with these people.”

“Pretending?” He challenged. “Could’ve fooled me.” You gave a soft smile. “That speech was phenomenal.”

“Suppose I’ve grown into the part, now.”

“Crazy what a year and a half can do, eh?” You caught his eyes, feeling your heart ache at the sea of brown you’d been missing so much. “Not like anyone was counting, though.” He added, trying to pass it off as a joke, afraid to let the vulnerability through.

“Yeah,” you agreed. “You look good.” You finally said, airing out what you wanted to admit. He chuckled.

“Have you looked in a mirror, lately? Success looks fantastic on you.” He breathed. “I didn’t think you could get any prettier, but you always seem to surprise me.” Your heart fluttered at the compliment.

“You’re all looking quite spectacular, actually. I’d like to meet your stylist. Seems like they really know what they’re doing. The stage outfits are a masterpiece. Maybe I could work with them, if you’re willing to open up a spot for an old friend.” You smiled, a warm one without any dishonest undertones. He let out a small laugh, nodding along to your statement.

“I’m sure we could work something out. We’d all be pretty thrilled to have you on board with us.” A painful moment ensued, one where you clearly picked up on his refrain. He was talking in broadness to avoid letting you know how badly he’d enjoy having you around, again. “Did you maybe want to go somewhere a bit more private?” He asked, breaking the silence you’d fallen into.

“Yeah, that would be alright.” You nodded. “Think I need a few drinks for this conversation, though.” You finished the last of your champagne and grabbed two more flutes. He nodded, appreciating the idea, then grabbed two for himself. He was grateful you hadn’t turned around and walked away. A simple hello was more than he was expecting from the conversation.

He led you in the direction of a side door, opening it and holding it for you. You slipped out, noticing that it revealed a patio area. The night was cool, but clear. The stars twinkled few and far between, and the moon casted a low light over the ground. There were a few tables and chairs places spaciously around the deck, the posts adorned with swirls of string lights. It would have been quite romantic had the mood not been so sullen. He pulled out a chair for you, inviting you to sit down. You did so, placing your glasses on the table. He pulled a chair from the other side of the table towards you. He settled in front of you, a little bit closer than ex’s should sit.

He took a long look at you, drinking in every detail and finding himself intoxicated from it. He’d wished for so long to have you in front of him again that he seemed to forget the effect you had on him. It had only gotten worse with time. He looked to be waiting for you to speak first, so you did. “Why’d you let me go that night?” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

“I was stupid.” He admitted.

“Yeah,” you nodded, agreeing with him.

“Why’d you leave like that?” He asked, challenging your question. You looked up at him, disbelief clouding your expression.

“You made me choose, Josh.” You reminded him, not willing to take the blame for the situation.

“And you didn’t choose me.” He said, not in an accusatory fashion. Just in a simple sense, as if he was recalling the night as you spoke.

“I didn’t want to choose at all.” You explained. “You were asking me to pick between the two things I wanted most in life. It’s not like I walked into that conversation planning to leave you.”

“You chose a job over me, y/n.” You shot him a look, one that he knew all too well. It would take a lifetime to forget it.

“What if it was the other way around? You know you wouldn’t have picked me over music.” He kept his gaze on you, almost smiling, despite the situation being completely humourless.

“I certainly would have thought about it.” He answered. You could see he meant it, but you weren’t sure if he understood the implications of what he was saying.

“Okay.” You nodded, acknowledging his answer. “Come to New York with me.” You said, crossing your arms in front of your chest. You thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head.

“What?”

“Come to New York with me.” You repeated, refusing to back down. He didn’t need to know you’d likely be staying in Nashville at least for the foreseeable future. He didn’t need to know your bags were packed at your apartment, waiting for you to return just so you could pick them up. Your homecoming was set in stone, but you needed to see if he realized the extent of his answer.

“Things are different, now, y/n.” He said, dismissing the subject.

“Pretend they’re not.” You urged. “Please.”

“I would fly to see you on the weekends. Stay with you as much as I could. But I couldn’t move there.” He said. You nodded along to his words, begging for him to see the issue in his statement.

“What if that’s not good enough? It’s all or nothing, Josh.” You felt your anger that you’d suppressed for so long begin to surface. “It’s me or the band.” You leaned forward, catching his eyes as he tried to look away from you.

“I get it, okay!” He finally exploded, likely feeling the same way you did. “I know what I did wasn’t right. I’ve spent a year and a half trying to forgive myself for it. But you were so caught up in being mad that you didn’t even stop to think about how I felt!” Rarely did you ever see Josh yell, let alone expel frustration the way he was doing in that moment. You were taken back, but not distracted from your feelings.

“Then tell me!” You pleaded. “You wouldn’t even look at me that night! All you said was you didn’t have anything to say to me, but clearly you do, so say it!”

“Fine, you want to hear it?” He asked, leaning forward, too. “I love, but I don’t fall in love with people. Never have. Thought it was too much commitment for such a short lifetime. I spent my entire life completely fine with never settling down. Then I met you, and you changed everything! I didn’t even get to decide whether I fell in love with you or not. By the time I started to realize how much you meant to me, I was already head over heels. I spent every day of my life, for three years, falling more in love with you every day that passed; I changed my whole outlook because you showed up and made me realize maybe I just hadn’t met the right person, and that’s why I never wanted to commit. We moved in together, and I started picturing this life with you, one where you had my last name and we had a few kids. Then you left. You just came home one day and said you were leaving, as if it weren’t an earth-shattering idea. I was so mad because you changed my entire life, and then you took it away!” You understood better, now. He felt abandoned, and you caused it. He never would have admitted it to you then, and he barely wanted to, now. Still, the idea of him thinking you were going to walk away and forget all about him stung like no other.

“I didn’t leave you, Josh. I left Nashville!” You exclaimed. “I never pictured a life without you, and I still don’t! I sit at my apartment alone and hope that maybe you’ll text me, or call, or show up! But you never did, so I had to learn how to deal with it!”

“It was the same thing, y/n! You left me behind for a whole new life. If we didn’t break up that night, we would have anyway!” You’re recoiled as if he’d burned you. “I didn’t call because you were perfectly fine leaving me here! You jumped on that plane and got to start over, and I got to sleep in a bed that haunted me with your presence!”

“It wasn’t the same, Josh.” You shook your head. “I sat at home in that apartment every day when you were touring the world, watching you live your dream from the sidelines. Watching girls throw themselves at you, always wondering if maybe I’d wake up one day and you’d find someone new. I waited for you, watching your life through a phone screen while I worked my shitty 9-5 and settled for video calls whenever you had time for me. Not once did I make you feel like shit about it. But the minute I get a chance at the life I’ve always dreamed of, it was a choice? One or the other? It wasn’t fucking fair, Josh. How was I supposed to stay after that?”

“You started dating me knowing that was my life! I spent three years with you building one of our own, one that we were used to, and comfortable with, one where we were happy. You came home one day and told me you’re getting on a plane and leaving for god knows how long. There was no discussion, I just had to be okay with it!” He was leaning closer with every word. Your faces were inches apart, both of you radiating with anger and on the defensive.

“Of course you were, Josh! You were my boyfriend! I told you I got invited to model in New York Fashion Week, and you made me feel like I didn’t have it in me, like you were already waiting for me to fail and come crawling back to you! You let me walk out that door like the three years we spent together meant nothing to you. Like you were only okay with being in love with me as long as it benefited you.” Tears were brimming in your eyes, the ache of the pain from that night still as prominent as it was a year prior. “You knew how much it meant to me. It was my biggest dream, one that I thought I would never achieve. I finally had a chance to live the life I always wanted, which still in included you, by the way, but you were too stubborn to understand anything other than your hurt. I would have came home every weekend to see you, called you every night, I would have done anything, because you were my whole world! You were supposed to support me, and you left me! I walked out that night, but you made that decision!” The tears spilled on to your cheeks, finally shed after so long holding them back. In the heat of the moment, at the sight of your hurt, he threw the anger and the fighting to the side. Without hesitation, his arms shot out and pulled you into a hug. You didn’t fight, just held him, too. As upset as you were, you knew that his hold was something you’d been longing for the whole time you were apart. The way he felt wrapped around you made you believe that the world was okay; the comfort was an impenetrable force.

“I never wanted to make you feel that way.” He whispered, holding your head securely in his palm. He used his other one to rub circles on your back. “I will always be your biggest fan, even if we never speak again after tonight. I’m so proud of you, and I can’t stress that enough. I was selfish, and I know that. You did so much for me, you always supported me, and I took it for granted. I was hurt when you left, but I never should have let you leave like that. I should have been there for you, cheering you on the same way you did for me.” He hesitated, but placed a kiss to the top of your head. When you didn’t recoil, he took it as a win. “I’m so sorry, y/n.”

“I am, too.” You said, the tears finally slowing. You pulled back, although quite hesitant in the action. He let you, but didn’t remove his hand from you. Instead, his thumb drifted to your cheek to wipe away the tears that had fallen. “It was never from a lack of love, Josh. When it comes to you, that’s not even a possibility. Breaking up with you was never an idea in my head. The distance didn’t scare me, because I knew I loved you enough to work through anything. When you wanted me to choose, I panicked. I was hurt, and I reacted based on that. I shouldn’t have walked out without fixing things. That was my mistake.”

“No, y/n. I shouldn’t have put you in that position, and I never should have let you leave like that. I was hurting and I was scared, I thought you would leave and forget about me. I didn’t want to lose you, but I ended up losing you, anyway, and I still haven’t recovered. It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” You leaned into his touch, resting your head on his hand.

“Josh, I fell in love with you the day I met you. That never changed. I still walk around New York City, hoping I run into you, praying it won’t be like this forever. Your memory lives in everything I do; I couldn’t forget about you, even if I wanted to. Trust me, I’ve tried.” You laughed. “You’re the love of my life, whether it was only for a period of time or if we still have a chance. Nobody could ever replace you.”

“I never moved out of the apartment. It’s still decorated the same. It still has little reminders of you, everywhere. I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of them. Jake thinks I’m insane, or I’m torturing myself. I guess I just thought you’d come back for them, someday.” He confessed. “I still love you the same as I did a year ago.”

“Me, too.” You closed your eyes, hoping to hold on to the memory of his words forever. “So we’ve both been waiting for each other to come back this whole time? We’ve just been too stubborn to send a message first?”

“Yeah,” he laughed. “Both of us watching the others lives through social media, the most impersonal way possible.”

“You looked so happy. I was worried you were happier without me.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes at the statement.

“See? Impersonal. I’ve been miserable, mama.” Your heart soared at the term of endearment. You reached for your champagne glass, taking a sip, careful not to let your eyes leave him.

“Yeah, me too.” You eventually laughed. “We don’t have to be miserable, anymore. Not tonight, at least.” You said, wanting to blame the advance on the alcohol, but knowing deep down that it was wholly untrue.

“Are you saying what I think you are?” He raised an eyebrow. The Josh you knew so well was starting to make an appearance, again. You gave a shrug.

“I have a room upstairs with free room service. King bed, too.” He looked at you with intrigue, wanting to jump at the chance but still being afraid your judgement was clouded. He didn’t want you to regret it in the morning.

“There’s probably still a lot we could get off our chests. Did you want to talk more, first? I just want you to be sure this is what you want.” You stood, drinking the last of the liquid from your glass and moving on to the next.

“Fuck, Josh, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. We can figure it out in the morning. I haven’t had sex in a year and a half, and I’m tired of waiting. I want you.” He took a deep inhale at the words, fighting the urge to take your clothes off right there. He stood, too, grabbing his own champagne glasses. He had no fight left in him, because he wanted you just as bad.

“Lead the way, mama.” For a moment, things felt right. Like no time had passed and you were both the same people as you were before all of the hurt. You turned on your heels, heading back to the door you came through, earlier. He was hot on your trail, not willing to let you leave his sight.

You slipped back inside, noticing the speeches had come to a close and the lights were off. The music was louder and the mood lighting really set the tone for the rest of the night. If you weren’t in such an entanglement, you thought you might enjoy it. But, you were certain that the nights events would top whatever enjoyment the ballroom could give you. You dropped off your empty glasses on the way by, watching Josh discard his, too. You reached out for him, looking back over your shoulder. He tangled his fingers with yours, over the moon at the feeling after so long without it. You guided him to the exit, managing to sneak out without too many curious glances. Liz, however, noticed you as soon as you came back inside. Josh’s brothers did, too. All of them were well aware that it wasn’t over between the two of you, and it never would be. They were waiting for the reunion just as much as the two of you were.

You both ran down the hallway to the elevator, giggles slipping out intermittently. When the doors opened, allowing you inside, Josh jumped at the moment of seclusion. His hand found your waist, pulling you into him like it was the most natural thing in the world. His free hand guided your chin upwards, finally taking the chance to lean down and kiss you. You melted into the feeling, closing your eyes in bliss. It was sweet, no provocative nature present. Just both of you savouring the moment in which you’d been denied of for months. When the ding signified your destination was reached, his wandering hands were reluctant to pull away. Thankfully, your room wasn’t too far away, meaning he wouldn’t have to wait too long to continue.

You keyed into your room, barely getting the door closed before he was back on you. You both kicked off your shoes, leading him further inside before things got too heated. You parted from him to click on the lamp by your bedside. He took the chance to admire you, now. No more residual tension was clouding his vision. “You look stunning, y/n.” You turned to him, a smile on your lips.

“You look pretty good yourself, Joshua.” He approached again, slower and more cautious. He raised his hand to your cheek, brushing away all of the hair obscuring the sight of your face.

“Has it really been that long?” He didn’t need to clarify; you knew what he was asking. You gave a nod, hoping you didn’t have to dive into it too far. In truth, you didn’t want to hear a submission of guilt from him. If he’d been with other people in your time apart, it was his free will, and you couldn’t be upset about it. There was no disloyalty of any kind, but you certainly didn’t want to imagine it.

“I guess it never felt right. Always felt like I was still yours, I think.” You shrugged. He smiled at the words, overjoyed at the profession.

“Me either,” he said, running his thumb over your cheek. “I was always yours, too.” You let out a sigh of relief, almost feeling the need to cry again. The entire night felt so surreal, almost as if you were dreaming.

“God, please tell me this is real life. I don’t want to wake up disappointed.” You pleaded. He chuckled, finding the statement quite cute.

“It’s real, mama. Trust me, I feel the same way.” He leaned down, kissing you once more. Your hand reached for him, landing somewhere on his side. You didn’t care where it landed, only that you were touching him again. “Sounds like we’ve got a lot of time to make up for.” He stated, pulling back just enough to get the words out. A laugh fell from your lips, one that was quiet and still laced with disbelief. “Turn around for me.” You obliged, spinning to face the other direction.

His fingers drifted over your exposed skin, gathering your hair and pushing it to the side. He unzipped your dress, gently brushing the silk straps from your shoulders. He leaned forward pressing his lips to the spots they once graced. You let out a hum of delight, closing your eyes at the sensation. He let you decide whether you wanted to let the fabric fall, and you did. It dropped with as much elegance as it held while you adorned it on your body. He bent down, waiting for you to step away from it. Once you did, he cautiously picked it from the ground, gently laying it over the chair by the bedside. Once it was safely out of the way, he finally turned to look at you again. His breath caught in his throat, completely taken off guard at the sight of you naked before him once again.

“My beautiful girl,” he whispered, taking a step towards you. You were standing, completely naked aside from your underwear, at full disposal for whatever he chose to do with you. There was no worry in your body; the minute his hands found you again, you were certain you’d found home, again. After so long wandering through life, gaining success but never really feeling like you belonged, it made sense again. All of the money and the fame was satisfying, but never fulfilling. His touch reminded you of why everybody loved to say money can’t buy happiness. There was no financial value that would ever equate to the feeling of being loved by Josh. If you were put on earth for a purpose, it was to be loved by him, and to love him. Nobody could look at you and see right into your soul the way he could; he knew every part of you without even looking or having to ask. “Lay down, baby.” He insisted.

You allowed him to guide you down on the bed, your head finding home in the nest of pillows. He rid himself of his jacket, and his shirt wasn’t long following. You watching him in awe, not being able to comprehend how one boy could posses so much beauty. It was in everything he did, his words, his actions, his appearance. He was perfect. He slipped out of his pants, climbing in bed with you. He pulled you into his arms, just enjoying the intimacy for a moment. Eventually, you were both stripped naked and tangled in each others limbs. As heated as the journey to your room was, sex was no longer the most pressing thought in your heads. You found yourself lost in chatter, laughing and giggling at stories you’d been longing to tell each other for the last year. In between, there were stolen kisses; some short, and others laced with neediness. No sexual gratification would compare to the emotional connection you started to restore.

Eventually, he found himself laying between your legs, mouth exploring the spots on your neck he was aching to reunite with. Every so often, his teeth or tongue would grace over a sensitive area, pushing a breathy moan from your lips. The sounds were heavenly, ones he thought he’d never get the chance to hear again. “I want you, Josh.” You sighed, finally growing restless after the hours of relentless teasing.

“Tell me what you want, gorgeous.” He hummed against your collarbone.

“You. I don’t care, anything, please.” You sighed, not caring about the desperation. You felt him smile against you, clearly pleased with the state you were in.

“You want me to touch you?” He asked, fingers ghosting over your rib cage, sending a jolt of electricity through.

“Please,” he brought the pad of his thumb to your nipple, brushing it over you. He watched as you drew in a shaky breath. If there was one thing you knew about Josh, it was that he loved viewing sex as a marathon. If you were to let him, he’d go all night, dragging it out as much as possible. Tonight, you couldn’t take it. He could tell how you were feeling without you saying it aloud, not finding it in himself to push you any further. He let his hand drift downwards, shifting his weight onto one side so he had better access to you. He slipped his fingers between your legs, running them through you and getting a feel for your arousal. Your back arched at the feeling, it was familiar yet almost foreign.

“All of this for me, pretty girl?” He asked, running your wetness up to your clit. He slowly rubbed circles, just light enough to allow you to adjust to the feeling. You muttered a curse under your breath, almost having forgotten how acquainted he was with your body. His fingers kept a steady pace, gradually applying more pressure as he continued on. His eyes remained on your face, wishing to engrave your expression into every part of his brain so he could never forget it.

As his hand explored you, his lips did, too. His mouth drifted across your exposed stomach, trailing kisses all over the skin. Eventually, he worked his way up to your breasts, pulling a hardened nipple into his mouth, grazing his teeth and tongue over it, begging for a reaction. When he heard a whine fall from your lips, he closed his eyes in satisfaction. He slipped his finger down towards your entrance, moving his thumb to your clit in place. He pushed his middle and ring finger inside you, starting at an agonizingly slow pace. His thumb brushed over your clit with every pump of his fingers. The sensation was much more intense than you remembered it, maybe because of the depravity of the feeling, or because you missed him so much.

The sex was slow, much slower than it used to be. Both of you wanted to savour the experience as much as you could. But the praise, the words, even the way he worshiped you like you were the most beautiful thing to walk the earth was all the same. Neither of you allowed any of the negativity to change the way you appreciated each other. You’d been with plenty of people before Josh, but never any who loved you in the way he did. Every touch was sacred, filled with love and tenderness, even if the act wasn’t supposed to feel that way. As stupid as you felt about waiting so long for him, you were thankful you did. Nobody could make you feel the way he did. The wait just resulted in the usual pleasure being escalated by a thousand.

“Does that feel good, mama?” He asked, finally pausing his assault on your breasts. He looked up to you, eyelids heavy and lust clouding his pupils.

“So good, Josh.” You sighed, looking down to meet his gaze. He gave you a lazy smile, content at the confirmation.

“Did you miss me?” He questioned, his tone dropping slightly. He curled his fingers upward with the next movement, causing a gasp to fall from you. “Hmm?” He hummed, still waiting for you to answer.

“Missed you so much.” You admitted, eyelids fluttered closed at the pleasure he was causing.

“Think she missed me, too.” He muttered, eyes flowing down towards his hand working into your cunt. You swallowed hard at the words, taken off guard by the cockiness but knowing he was speaking truth. His jaw clenched, clearly pleased with the sight. He was good at putting his pleasure aside to ensure yours, but you knew him well enough to recognize what his expression meant. He’d been depraved of this, too, and the view was driving him insane. “Right?” He asked for clarification, his chest rising at his deep inhale.

“Yeah,” you whispered, a pressure beginning to build in your belly.

“She knows she belongs to me.” He hummed. Your face flushed at the statement, unsure where the possessiveness was coming from. That was something quite new; before, he always acted as though the access to your body was a gift. The simple statement dripped with entitlement, but you didn’t mind. He was right. No matter how much distance between you, or how much time passed, you were his. You didn’t mind the claim in the slightest. In fact, you enjoyed it.

“Fuck, Josh,” you let your head fall back on the pillows, the knot in your stomach tightening more with every second that passed.

“Yeah?” He beamed, knowing exactly what the warning was for. “Look at me, mama. Wanna see that pretty face while you cum.” He pleaded. You were in no state to deny him the request, eyes falling back on him. He was watching you, desperate to see your expression. His movements remained steady, gently coaxing the orgasm from you. Your mouth fell open slightly, a sharp inhale sounding as the pressure peaked and sent you into a down-spiral. You managed his name through the intense wave of moans, eyes squeezed shut and all of your muscles tensed. He rode you through it, whispering notes of encouragement as you were clenched around his hand.

When you relaxed against him, he let out a long breath. The tail end dissolved into a groan, absolutely floored at the sight he had just experienced. “Was that good, baby?” He asked, slowly pulling his fingers from you. You sighed at the loss of contact, still yearning for more.

“So, so good, Josh.” You didn’t mind fuelling his ego, because it was well deserved. At first, you wanted to blame the quickness of your orgasm on the length of time it had been since you had one. Deep down, you knew it wasn’t true. Josh had the ability to make you cum simply by looking at you with enough intent. It had everything to do with him, and you knew nobody else could ever affect you in the same way.

“Can’t believe you had nobody to take care of you for so long,” he let out a disapproving tsk, slowly sinking down further on the bed. “All of those New York boys really missed out.” His soft lips grazed over the inside of your thigh. “A woman like you deserves more than that.” His teeth sunk into the flesh, causing you to jump at the sudden sensation. “What was it, mama? Couldn’t find anyone to fuck you right?” Your jaw clenched at the profanity of his statement. You were well aware that he was only messing with you just for show, so you played into his game.

“Mhm,” you agreed. “Nobody could fuck me like you, Josh.” You told him, lowering your tone. The muscle in his jaw tensed at the confession.

“No?” He asked, lips dangerously close to your heat. “My poor baby.” He sympathized, his facial hair gently tickling the skin of your legs. “I’ll always treat you right, honey.”

“Mhm,” you hummed, agreeing with him.

“Y’know I’ll give you whatever you want, whenever you want it. Always fuck you like you just how you like it.” The teasing was torturous; you needed him more than you needed water. It wasn’t a desire, it was necessary for survival.

“I know you will, baby.” You breathed, your sultry tone quickly dissolving into whiny.

“That’s why you’ll always come home to me, right?” He asked, dipping his head even closer to your cunt. “You know who you belong to, beautiful.” You gave a nod of desperation. “Wanna hear you say it, mama.”

“You, Josh. I’m all yours. Only yours.” You promised. A smile graced his face.

“Sounds so pretty when you say it like that.” He was trying not to sound needy himself; his mouth was practically watering at the sight before him. He almost felt wrong teasing you in such a way, because he was certain he was more desperate for you than he’d ever been. “I’d treat you better than that. I’d fuck you every day if I could, just to make sure you know what you deserve. Just to make sure you were happy.” He explained, feeling his guilt resurface. You felt your heart ache at the statement, the words reminding you that as good as you felt, things weren’t the same as they used to be. He saw the emotion flash across your face, realizing how his statement may have come off in a context he didn’t intend. “I can, and I will, if you’ll let me.” He let down the act for a moment, fully letting you see into his heart.

“Yeah,” you managed to muster out. “I’d like that.” He couldn’t hold back the look of happiness that forced its way onto his face.

“Be mine again, baby. Promise I’ll make up for everything. I’ll never let you get away again.” He whispered, but he was pleading with you. There was no way he could walk away from you after this. It would kill him.

“Okay,” you agreed, no hesitation present. It wasn’t the alcohol, or the sex talking. You wanted him, and you were certain of that before you’d even spoken to him. Maybe everybody else was right, you thought. This wasn’t one of those things that you couldn’t walk away from. If you did, you’d be 80 years old and still wondering what it would be like to love him again. When it came to Josh, it was never over. Just a wrong turn that ultimately led you back to the same destination.

He let the thought settle in his soul; no more yearning for someone he wasn’t sure he would ever have again. The universe had granted him another chance, and he’d be damned if he took it for granted a second time. You were his again, and he was yours, as if that was ever untrue in the first place. He wasted no more time, slipping his arms under your thighs and pulling you down on his mouth. He let his tongue run through you, savouring the feeling and moaning against you. He was eating you as if he was a starved man offered his first meal in weeks. In his eyes, he was. Being depraved of the home he’d found between your legs was a terrible feeling, and he never wanted to feel it again.

You let a moan out, your hands snaking down to his hair. You noticed the lack of it on the sides, understanding that it would be hard to get used to. Instead of focusing on the difference, you tangled your fingers in the hair still atop his head, losing yourself to the familiarity of his tongue. You couldn’t help but admire him through the waves of pleasure, the way he got enjoyment out of making you feel good, how pretty he looked with his head nestled between your thighs. You noticed the way his hips would grind into the mattress, just enough to give him a bit of relief, or the way he was completely lost in you, not having a notice for anything other that what was in front of him. You had no doubt he would stay there forever, if you let him.

He pulled back for a moment, just to catch another look of your face. “Taste so good, baby. Even better than I remember.” He slipped his thumb in place of his tongue, just so he didn’t lose the progress he was making. “Missed having you like this. Thought about it every fucking night.”

“I thought about it too, all of the time.” You sighed, mesmerized by the emotion he adorned in his eyes. He returned his other fingers to you, pumping them in time with his thumb for a moment. He studied you for a while before he returned to work with his mouth. The combined feeling of him pumping his fingers into you, and his tongue focused on your clit was overwhelming.

You were nearing a second orgasm, desperate for him to keep going. He could sense it in your breathing, the tugs at his hair, and the profanities you were expelling every so often. He remained steady, curling his fingers every so often in attempt to find the spot inside you he knew so well. He hit a particularly sensitive spot, causing your hips to buck forward. He didn’t have to say it aloud for you to know he enjoyed it; a groan produced from deep in his chest, his fingers attempting to get the same reaction from you again. You closed your eyes, unable to focus on anything other than the knot tightening in your belly.

“Josh,” you breathed, a verbal warning that you were close. He hummed against you, encouraging you. Your head fell back, blissfully unaware of anything other than the feeling of his tongue. Soon after, you were coming undone again, crying his name and quickly dissolving into a mess. He coaxed you through it, more dedicated to making you feel good rather than getting the satisfaction of seeing your face.

When you came down, he didn’t ease up; his tongue was still determined, fingers never slowing. Even in the burning oversensitivity, you couldn’t help but still enjoy the moment. You were certain that after 18 long months, he could cause you nothing but physical pain and you’d still enjoy it, just because he was the one doing it. Part of you wished he never had to stop, because you never wanted to come down from the high of the intimacy. The overpowering sensation was driving you insane, the previous orgasm never really having a chance to dissipate before the next began to bloom. The noises you were making were filthy, pornographic, almost. Josh was almost praying the walls were thinner than they appeared, cocky enough to know how good he was making you feel and egotistical enough to want everyone to know it.

When your third orgasm was begging you to let go, you couldn’t even get the words out to warn him. Your knuckles were white against the hold on his hair, all of your muscles rigid and lungs aching for a full breath. It took little time for you to reach your peak, panting heavily and glistening with a thin layer of sweat. This time, he slowed his movements as your body relaxed. He removed his tongue first, followed by his fingers once he knew you were back to earth. “There you go, mama.” He sighed. His lips ghosted over your torso as he inched his way up your body. “That’s all you needed, hmm?” He hummed, sucking a few marks into your collarbone. “Someone to take care of you,” his head nuzzled back into the crook of your neck, mouth exploring the area once again. “Someone who knows how to make you feel good?” His moustache tickled the sensitive skin, causing a tired giggle to fall from you. You could feel him smile against you in response to the sound.

“I want you, Josh.” You said. As fantastic as he was making you feel, your patience was non-existent. It had been too long since you’d had him, and you didn’t feel willing to wait any longer. He lifted his head from your neck, eyes scanning your face for a moment. His lips upturned into a smirk, likely feeling similar.

“You want me?” He whispered, already shifting between your legs for a better position. You gave him a nod. “How bad, beautiful?”

“So bad, baby. It’s been so long.” You admitted, not willing to challenge him in the slightest. His fingers gently grazed over your hips, a moment of innocent love before such a dirty act. He pulled you towards him, grabbing your legs and guiding them over his shoulders. The excitement brewing in your stomach was barely containable.

“Been so good for me, mama. Won’t make you wait any longer.” He promised. You felt his hand leave you, moving down to guide himself towards your entrance. Without another word, he pushed himself inside you. You both let out a sigh of relief, finally feeling at peace with each other. The battle of experiencing so much pent up love with nowhere to channel it had come to an end; the solution to the issue being clear the whole time, but only now was it truly acknowledged. You needed each other, and no distance would change that. There was no separation or heartbreak big enough to rid yourselves of the connection you had. You both knew that before the night dissolved into the current situation, but it was only solidified further once you both felt what it was like to be reunited in such a way. There was no way you could walk away from each other again.

His hips moved slowly, the only motive being the need to feel the closeness. The movements were barely stimulating, but more than pleasurable to you both. “God, y/n.” He hissed, sucking in a long breath through his teeth. He pulled you closer to him by your thighs, thrusting as he did so and causing a gasp from you. “Feel so fucking good.” He picked up the pace, realizing he was only torturing you both. The memory of him inside you was nothing in comparison to the real thing. The angle allowed the tip of his cock to brush your cervix, sending a jolt of electricity through you each time. “Wish I could have you like this forever.”

“Me, too.” You groaned, your hand reaching out in desperation for his. He met your gesture, pulling your hand into his and resting them on your thigh. His eyes were closed, intently focusing on his movements, making sure he kept a steady rhythm. The low light of the lamp was casted over his face, allowing you to really admire his beauty. The slight furrow of his eyebrows, the tension in his jaw as he fucked into you, his lips that always looked so soft and inviting. He was a masterpiece, and you felt lucky to even be able to experience him in such a way. His free hand found your breast, at first just a gentle acknowledgment, but then he took your nipple between his fingers and applied a bit of pressure. The shock lit up your face, causing him to give you a small smirk. As much as he loved to please you, he loved to be an asshole, too.

It was all in the nature of the relationship; the time that passed didn’t change the dynamic. You both still seemed to be on the same wavelength, remembering what the other liked, incorporating small humorous expressions and actions to lighten the intensity. You were grateful that he was still so familiar to you. It took the nervousness away, and made sex feel lighthearted and carefree. There was never a worry of embarrassment or fear of judgement. He was your best friend, still, after everything, and he was making sure you knew that. The same goofy, sweet boy from the beginning.

You could tell he was growing bored with the position. As much as he loved the feeling, you knew what he wanted, and you were fully willing to give it to him. “Lay down,” you told him. His eyes connected with yours, an unspoken question of certainty. You gave a nod, and he didn’t wasn’t any time pulling out of you. He collapsed onto the bed beside you, turning towards you and practically pulling you on top of him. He had a grin plastered across his face, cheeks a bit rosy and eyelids heavy.

“You know me so well.” He said softly, almost as if he were talking to himself.

“You act like you’re the only one who enjoys this position.” You rolled your eyes.

“I know you do, but I really like it.” His excitement was clear in his face. You couldn’t help but smile, too.

“Yeah, ‘cause you don’t have to do any work.” You joked, securing your legs on either side of him. You lifted yourself up, reaching down to guide him back into you.

“No, ‘cause you look so pretty on top of me.” He answered, tone of voice matching yours. His hands found your hips, slowly bringing you down on him. “I’d be happy to do the work as long as I get to see you like this.” You couldn’t find the words to reply, already lost in the new position, revelling in the angle and depth he was reaching inside you. You began to roll your hips on him, slowly catching up to speed. “Oh, and because I can do this, now.” He reached around, pinching your ass between his index finger and his thumb. Your eyes widened, giving him a look of bewilderment. He gave a chuckle, keeping his hand there and gently running his thumb over the spot he’d just hurt.

“Not being very nice to someone who’s trying to get you off,” you grumbled. He erupted into a real laugh, giving his head a small shake.

“Don’t have to try very hard, mama. Never did.” He joked, but there was a hint of truth to the statement. “But, I suppose I could be a little nicer. Since you’re being so good to me.” He brought his free hand up to your cheek, brushing the hair from your face. You leaned into his palm, closing your eyes in content. You were still moving your hips, just enough to satisfy the craving while he joked with you. It felt so natural, so familiar. It felt like home.

“You’ll be nice for a while, then you’ll do something to piss me off again. It’s just what you do.” You giggled, remembering his constant antics to get on your nerves. It was intolerable by times, but always in the most loving and sincere way possible.

“You love me.” He stated, in a completely relaxed, natural way. Your breath caught in your throat at the word, surprised that it made an appearance again so soon. He said it as if he’d never stopped saying it in the first place. He finally noticed what he said, expression losing its humour almost instantly. “I hope you do, at least.” He mumbled.

“I do,” you whispered, nodding your head. “I really do.” You were overcome with emotion, swallowing back the tears begging to be shed at the statement. The high intensity of the emotions in the room were unimaginable, and they hadn’t subsided all night. A small smile graced his lips as a laugh filled with relief sounded from him.

“God, it’s been so long since I’ve heard you say that.” He guided your head down, connecting your mouths in a gesture of gratitude. “Too long.” He mumbled against your lips. You pulled back just enough to speak clearly.

“I’ll say it again, if you really want me to.” You grinned.

“Please, baby.” He begged, wanting to hear the actual words.

“I love you,” you breathed, happy to finally be able to tell him again.

“I love you.” He replied, bringing you into another kiss, much more desperate than the last. As he did so, he suddenly seemed to remember where you were and what you were in the middle of. Without breaking away from you, he thrusted upwards with force. The impact caused you to let a moan slip into his mouth, only fuelling him further. You raised your hips slightly, allowing him to move with ease. He took it as an invitation, repeating his earlier action and continuing with a steady pace.

You parted with him, catching your breath. You straightened up, placing a hand on his chest to support your balance as he fucked you. You let out a slur of curses, indirect praise for the work he was doing. You moved your hips in time with his, greedy for more. He dropped his hands back to your waist, fingers gripping at the flesh like he’d gone feral. As much as you liked to tease him, you liked the position just as much as he did. There was something that drove you crazy about him under you, the freedom of his hands in which he used expertly. Plus, the pleasure he got from it fuelled yours, too. You were certain you could spend the rest of your life doing nothing but pleasing him and be happy while doing it.

His hips stuttered and he let out a low groan, the telltale sign he was getting close. It had been a long time for both of you, the stamina barely existing on either part. He held you still, wordlessly telling you to slow down. You fought against the hold, not caring if he came or not. In fact, you were hoping he would. He’d been generous in the orgasm department with you, and you were eager to do the same for him. “Slow down, mama.” He warned.

“It’s okay,” you assured him.

“Don’t want it to be over yet.” He admitted, catching your gaze.

“S’okay, baby.” You repeated. “I have this room all weekend.” He eyed you with an emotion you couldn’t quite place, like he was already thinking about the luxury of fucking you again. Like he was making a list of how many places around the room he could have you in. In a split-second decision, his fingers shot to your clit, finding it without any issue.

“Gotta cum with me, then. You know the rules.” He ordered. You have a nod, a hum of pleasure sounding straight from your chest. He stopped your movements, allowing him to set the pace and ensuring his hand didn’t slip from you, either. You locked your hips in place, fully allowing him to do as he pleased with you.

You both knew it wouldn’t take long; the joys of knowing each other so well meant that you knew exactly what to do. He kept his movement steady and consistent, uttering small praise as you allowed him to work at you. The noises falling from your lips graced his ears and settled deep in his chest, begging him to never forget them. “Look at me,” he wanted to sound authoritative, but he was nowhere close to it. Still, you obliged. You caught his eyes, finding yourself lost in them as soon as you did. “Come on, mama. Cum for me.” He begged, both of you knowing he couldn’t last much longer. The intensity grew with each second that passed, your head spinning with pleasure.

“M’gonna,” you moaned, promising to fulfill his request. He let out a groan, the end dissolving into a bit of a growl. The sound alone seemed to be enough to do it for you. “Fuck!” You exclaimed, your climax hitting you hard. You kept a steady hold on his chest, your other hand reaching for his arm for support. He didn’t have the ability to coax you through it; his cock twitched inside you, the sight of you coming undone sending him over the edge. He held you down on him as he spilled his release into you.

“Fuck, y/n,” he groaned, fingers digging into your hips with a promise of lasting bruises. When he came back down from the high, you were both breathless and seeing stars. He released his grip on you, guiding you down to lay on him. “My beautiful girl,” he sighed, placing a kiss to the top of your head.

“I missed you so much.” You confessed, focusing on the drum of his heartbeat against his chest.

“You have no idea how much I missed you.” He admitted, letting his fingers run through your hair. He sounded tired, enveloped in comfort and peace. “I thought about you every day. You never left my mind.”

“I’m sorry I left, Josh. I didn’t want to leave you. Especially like that.”

“I know, mama. I’m sorry for trying to make you stay. It wasn’t fair. I should have supported you no matter what.” He gently scratched your head. You closed your eyes, fully immersed in the intimacy. “I promise I’ll never do anything like that again. I was lucky enough to get a second chance, and I want to do it right, this time.”

“Me, too.” You agreed. “I never want to lose you again. It was a horrible year without you. Yeah, I did great stuff, made a name for myself, but it didn’t really mean a whole lot without someone to share the excitement with. Everybody was talking about me, but I had nobody to talk to. It was lonely without my best friend.”

“I know what you mean. Great things happened, I’m proud of what we accomplished, but I just wanted to be able to come home and tell you all about it. Every time I realized I couldn’t, it all just lost its shine.” You smiled at the statement, thinking he worded it perfectly. Life was fine without Josh, survivable in the least, but he made everything shine. He gave everything just a little bit more novelty. It was dull without him. Lacklustre, even. “Was it too soon to say I love you again?” He asked, finally airing out his anxiety.

“I think I was shocked, hearing it again after so long, but I don’t think it was wrong to say it. We never really stopped being in love; all of it was still there, it just had nowhere to go. If anything, I’m happy you still feel that way, too. Made me feel less stupid.” He didn’t respond, but you could practically feel him smiling. “You never moved out of the apartment?” You remembered he had said it earlier, but you wanted to clarify that you’d heard him right.

“No. Never changed it, either. There’s still shampoo bottles in the shower that belong to you, clothes in the closet, our pictures on the wall. I think I always hoped you’d come back home. Wanted you to know it was still yours, if you ever did.” Your heart ached at his words. You’d both been so stupid, suffering for so long that you both forced yourself to believe you’d forgotten about each other. “And it is. I mean, still yours, if you ever want to come back.” His free hand drifted over your back, fingertips gently ticking the exposed skin. “I know you have a career in New York, and I understand if you can’t, or you don’t want to. If you ever do want to, or change your mind, I’d be more than happy.”

“Thank you,” you wanted to express it in the most sincere way possible. The knowledge that he still wanted you there with him was extremely comforting. You didn’t mind the idea, either.

“But, for now, I’m happy to fly out and see you whenever I can. I’ll call every night, just like I should have from the beginning. I’ll never let you think I forgot about you ever again, or that I don’t believe in you, because neither of those are true.” You placed a kiss to his chest, finally feeling ready to tell him the news. You would have, anyway, but knowing he was willing to make it work even if you lived so far away made it impossible not to tell him.

“Actually, I was wondering if you could give me my key back.” You grinned. His lax stature immediately changed, pulling back just so he could look to see if you were joking. “Now that the line is releasing, and the outlet store is opening here, I’m gonna be in Nashville for a while. On and off, sometimes, but here for the foreseeable future, at least.” The look on his face made it seem like you’d just told him he won the lottery. “I was kind of dreading staying in a hotel, or having to hunt for another lonely apartment.”

“Are you serious?” He asked, still catching up to speed.

“Yeah,” you laughed. “I’d really like to come home, Josh. If that’s what you want, of course.” You felt that the need to go through the motions of dating again were quite silly, especially since you’d spent most of your adult life with him. The brief pause when you were gone didn’t really mean too much. You’d both changed, but clearly not enough to become anything close to strangers.

“Of course I do!” He wrapped you up in a hug, holding you like he’d never get the chance to, again. You both dissolved into a fit of giggles, excited at the idea of building a life together, again.

“I know you have to tour, and that’s okay. I’ll have to be in New York sometimes, too. I can come visit you, wherever you are. If you get some free time, you can come see me, or we can meet in the middle. I don’t care where that is, because if I’m with you, I’m home.” If it was possible to hold you tighter, he did just that. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he mumbled, words muffled due to his face being buried in your hair. “So much, mama.”

“I do think we should probably get cleaned up, though.” You eased into the idea, realizing the state you were both still in.

“A shower?” He asked, hidden implications written all over the question.

“Sure,” you laughed, sitting upright. “But we should do it, like now.”

You both made your way into the bathroom, getting in the shower and cleaning yourselves off. The night turned into the early hours of the morning, but sleep refused to come to either of you. You were too caught up in the stories, the jokes, and the touches, and the sex to care about anything else. More than anything, you were both just content finally being back in each others company. The sunrise barely put a damper on your night of reunion, because you were too immersed in each other to notice it. Too immersed in the overwhelming feeling of finally being at home after an unexplainably long, tiresome day.

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anthemofgvf · 11 months

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Endless Summer: Josh Kiszka x Reader Fanfiction

Part Six

description: you and sammy have been best friends since you were kids, and being around his family was the norm your entire life. when invited to a trip to their family lake house during the summer, you find yourself spending more time with his brother than your best friend. and, one thing has been clear your entire friendship: brothers are off limits.

warnings for this series: alcohol and marijuana usage, explicit content (18+, minors dni), angst, swearing

word count: 8.8k

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There had been a few days that had passed since the movie night, leading into a new week and less time to confess to Sam about you and Josh. You and him had come up with new ways to see each other in private, along with continuing the nightly routine visits and early morning wake-up calls. To say you were a bit relieved you would have to stop sneaking around would only be considered partially true, but hey, it would be nice to let Sam in on your biggest secret yet eventually.

Josh had even stayed in your room once or twice overnight, setting an alarm in the morning to leave you and reside in his quarters. If you never stirred from your sleep when the ringing of the alarm from his phone went off, he would just pepper your face with kisses and let you know that he would be running off to his own bedroom. Although neither of you wanted to separate, you had to for the obvious reasons.

You two were enamored with each other. It was most likely to do with the exciting jitters of a new relationship and exploring one another after years of being unable to do. Even if you had known him for so long, you were still finding new things out that surprised you.

With the past few days, you all found yourself redoing the kayak trip, but you staying in Sam's kayak the entire trip instead of stirring him on about Josh again. You four even went to the local shops and took Josh where you found his mala beads. There were even more there when you all came back, and he ended up buying another pair of them, along with a shirt you told him that you liked on him.

This specific day of the next week was spent lounging at the lake, talking carelessly with the boys about anything that popped into your head.

"Only about two weeks left now, huh?" Sam took a seat next to you on the rocks that lined the lake. You both watched Jake and Josh splash each other like kids, trying to dunk each other under the cool, salty water at least once or twice.

"Two weeks seems like such a long time, but I know it's going to pass by quickly." You whipped over to him with your lips pressed tightly together. "At least that doesn't mean the end of summer."

He nodded at your words with a hum, taking another glance at his brothers before returning his eyes to you. "It also means we have the rest of the summer to do whatever the hell we want. Maybe take that trip to Chicago that you wanted to go on."

An airy laugh exited through your nose as you remembered the night you and Sam spent together that pushed your plans with Josh back to the next day. "You suggested Detroit because Chicago is a 'bit far'."

He shook his head and shrugged with a light smirk. "But you said you wanted to go to Chicago. I'll take you there, but you're gonna have to fork over some gas money." He nudged your arm.

"Fine, but we're going to the art museum." You pointed your finger at him.

"Deal." He nodded satisfactorily.

You two continued watching his brothers scramble in the water, talking and laughing with each other. You rested your head on his shoulder, folding your arms around your legs that pressed to your chest and allowing him to wrap an arm around your shoulders. You took in a deep breath, exhaling it with a pleased sigh that life was where it seemed to be exactly where you wanted it to be. Seemed is the key word, because Sam still hadn't been informed about you and Josh. But you had crossed the long bridge to confirming your feelings with Josh, and so far, that was enough to satisfy you. But as the weeks grew shorter, you began to understand how frustrated you truly were that you had to keep it all a secret.

"Are you excited to go back home, see your family and stuff?" You raised your head from his shoulder.

He met your eyes with his lips twisted as he thought. "I mean, yeah, I miss them, but nothing beats this." He flung his unoccupied hand out to the crashing waters. "Do you say that because you miss your parents?"

"No, I say it because you're always away from your family. Of course, I miss my mom and dad, but I get to see them all the time. Whereas I barely get to see you anymore."

He clicked his tongue and pulled you back into his body that had your head resting back onto his shoulder, rubbing at your arm. "Believe me, I miss you a lot when I'm on tour. But, hey, it's worth it when we get to go do stuff like this. We haven't done a trip in forever together, and we were granted the entire summer just to do whatever we wanted together."

"Who knows, maybe I'll get sick of you by August." You giggled to yourself and felt him squeeze you lightly.

"Rest assured I'm already tired of you. Think I'm going to join my brothers, who I get to see all the time and always annoy me." He patted your arm and left you on the ground as he strode into the water. You laughed with an eyeroll, watching him swim over to his brothers and join them in their madness.

They all called your name, motioning you into the water without telling you what exactly they needed your attention for. You walked into the waters that cooled your sun-kissed skin and swam over to them with a slightly concerned expression.

"Need me to settle some sort of dispute?"

"Quite the contrary, y/n," Josh brought his finger up as he wiggled his eyebrows at you, "we need your participation in a friendly game of chicken."

"Friendly is what you call that game? Sam can barely hold me up and I get dunked into the water every time." You chuckled and flicked your eyes over to Sam, who looked at you with a small, disapproving smile.

"I'm sorry you're not satisfied with your partner. I promise we'll win this time, alright? We can even switch it up a bit and I'll be the one to push you into the water."

To say you we slightly taken aback he would be fine with his brothers holding you on their shoulders was a small understatement, but it was for a "friendly game", so it didn't mean anything to him. That, you were thankful for. And it gave you an opportunity to get a bit close to Josh without causing any sort of suspicion.

"Alright, you're on. Save your strength - you'll need it." You pointed at him.

"Well, I'm not up to bat first." He shook his head with a laugh as he placed his hand over his heart. "Joshua is."

"You should take your own advice, y/n. You'll be eating your words shortly." He gave you a devilish smirk, followed with a wink, and pulled his brother to the shallower end of the lake that you all four would be able to stand in.

"You forget I have a height advantage, Josh." You said as Sam dove under the water to gain you access to throw your legs over his shoulders.

"He'll level the battlefield out for us, don't you worry, 'nervous nelly'." Josh reassured you with a toothy grin as he tapped Jake's shoulders to sink under the water.

Sam rose from the water and had his knees bent a little to keep the heights between you two relatively similar, and you let out an exasperated gasp at the name calling.

"Your first mistake was calling me that." You squealed as Jake gripped onto Josh's legs and holding him tightly on his shoulders whilst walking over to you and Sam.

"Am I making you mad?" He grinned at you.

"Alright, kids, on three." Jake began.

"If your tactic is to get under my skin, it's not working." You shook your head with a downturned smile plastered on your face.

"One." Jake dragged out slowly.

He sucked a breath of air through his teeth. "Seems like it is, y/n."

"Two."

"Not even a little bit, Josh." You glared at him playfully, beginning to raise your arms up in attack-mode.

"Three!" Jake launched himself forward and had Josh landing his hands into yours, both of you forcefully pushing each other back and forth.

You were a giggling mess trying to compose yourself. Sam had helped you fight against his brother, looking up to you and cheering you on.

"Stop going easy on me, come on. Use some of your strength." You teased at Josh.

He mouthed his next sentence to you. "You like force, huh? I'll take that note."

That caught you off guard, reserving to letting go off his hands and shoving his shoulders back. With your hard push, you had Jake stumbling back, but keeping his balance and walking back over to you as he forced Josh to launch his hands forward to land his hands on the sides of your shoulders.

"What was that for?" He struggled with you as you slapped your hands onto his arms and battled for the release of his grasp.

"Shut up." You laughed, teetering on Sam and tightening your grip around his head to lessen his ability to hear.

"What, are you going to make me?" He clicked his tongue and challenged you with a devious smirk.

"Thanks for telling me what you want." You nodded, pushing him back with all of your force and Sam helping you throwing Josh off as he rose to his full height. This had Jake shouting that the whole thing wasn't fair, and Josh falling into the water on his back. Sam tapped at your thighs and jumped lightly, exclaiming at your shared victory.

"Who's eating their words now?" Sam laughed at them. His reaction had Jake rolling his eyes, and Josh popping out of the water as he ran his hands back to smooth his hair.

"I demand a rematch!" Josh shot his finger up to the air. "This time, I'm not going easy on you."

"Alright, Josh." You said and waited for him to resituate himself back onto Jake's shoulders.

"This time, no cheating." He pointed at Sam, and Sam nodded. "On three."

"Hey, she wasn't going to win if-."

"Three!" Jake exclaimed and Josh had clamped his hands onto your shoulders and pushing you back. Sam had barely caught his footing, loosening his grip on you and having you fall into the water.

You sprung up to hear the twin's laughter, giving each other high fives.

"That was cheating." Sam pointed at the both of them with an annoyed grin.

"I didn't say I was going to count to three." Jake shrugged and tilted his body forward to allow Josh to slide off his body.

Josh popped out of the water in front of Sam. "You can take your frustrations out on y/n, though." He shot a glance up to you.

"Hey, I-."

Sam cut you off quickly. "Alright, I'll get onto Jake's shoulders then." He nodded and helped you off of his shoulders smoothly as you slid off from behind him.

You watched as Sam made his way over to Jake and telling him to go under, although Jake told him to give him a few seconds to readjust the muscles in his shoulders.

Josh looked at you with pure amusement. "A bit too easy to get him to allow me any access to you."

You rolled your eyes with a light giggle. "Because this is a friendly game, remember? Not the time to try and get too touchy with me, Joshua."

"Well," he brought his mouth closer to your ears, "it certainly won't be the first time I've been between your thighs."

You pushed his shoulders down, forcing him under the water and waiting for him to turn to give you access to throw your legs upon them. Once he did, he held your thighs tightly, raising up from the water and shaking his hair out of his face. He brought a hand off your plush thigh to wipe the water off his eyes and through his hair.

"What were you two whispering about?" Jake cocked his eyebrows at the both of you. He had kept his sly comments to himself the past few days, but now he chose to make a small one to throw you both off your A-game.

"Strategical tactics, brother. Sam won't last a second, I assure you."

"How much would you like to bet on that?" His lips curled into a smirk.

Sam began to speak. "Can we just-."

"A Jackson." Josh said to him with sheer confidence.

"Twenty? I'm not betting that much on a game. How about ten?"

"Playing it safe because you know Sam will lose, I see." He said, following with a knowing hum. "You got yourself a deal." Josh looked up to you with a wide grin. "Don't lose, alright?"

"Don't think I will." You patted his cheek, looking up to Sam and giving him a challenging look. "You ready?"

"Yeah, ready to shove your ass into the water." He raised his hands up and waited for his brother's countdown.

Once the number three escaped Jake's lips, Josh gripped tightly onto your thighs and pushed you forward with force. You and Sam intertwined your hands with each other, releasing light grunts due to using all the force you had in your body.

You both had fought with each other for quite some time, neither of you being able to overmatch each other's strengths. One of you was bound to give up eventually, but neither of you were prepared to do so.

You then remembered one trait about Sam that was considered a weakness in this situation: ticklish. He always was since you two were kids, especially in his armpits and the sides of his stomach. You began to run your mind through how you would swiftly move your hands to his sides without giving him the upper hand to push you down, so, you locked eyes with him and kept them there for a moment.

"Ready to give up yet?" He said to you with a light grunt.

"Not just yet Samuel." You spoke. He never really appreciated his full name in usage, so when it left your lips, it took him aback. You flew your hands to his sides and began wiggling and digging your fingers into the skin.

"Hey! That's not-." He tried pushing your fingers off of him, but his laughing fit had him unable to do so.

"Push him!" Josh yelled up to you. With a quick reaction, and Josh launching you forward, you pushed Sam's shoulders and had him landing on his back into the water.

Jake pushed your knee, causing Josh to lose his footing just a bit but being able to replant them on the ground in a firm position. Sam swam over to you and Josh and pulled at your ankles.

"I will be expecting my winning money soon." Josh looked over Sam's shoulders and to Jake, who flipped him off in return.

"You're gonna regret that, y/n." Sam looked up at you.

"Are you going to pull me down somehow?" You cocked your head to the side with folded arms.

"I will gladly help you with that." Josh said as his grip ran over his brother's hands and flung you back into the water.

You sprouted up and gave him a hard swat to his chest, only for him to burst into laughter. He just gave you a shrug, and you noticed Sam looking down at you with a light grin.

"You're a piece of shit for that." You pointed at Josh.

"Seemed fair considering you were getting some sort of winning streak. You had to come down one way or another, right?" Sam said from over his brother's shoulder, and your eyes flicked up to him.

"Let's go again then, huh?" You offered, to which you all looked over to Jake.

"Think my shoulders need a bit of a break. Lunch?" He looked between the three of you with his hand clapped at the back of his neck.

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The four of you joined back at the lake for a bit, choosing to relax in each other's presence for the remainder of the time spent outside. Basking in the warm sunlight that kissed your skin, although leaving your cheeks pink, it wasn't something you disliked. It was a reminder of the summertime, especially since your skin was growing tanner than it usually appears.

You all agreed to part ways and take showers to wash off the salty lake water, then join each other in watching the sunset around the fire pit. The usual routine of spending your nights outside became something you grew fond over, especially when it would switch up with a fun game included or Sam taking his turn in playing guitar. And on this night, he did just that.

He strummed the guitar for a bit, playing numerous different riffs that didn't follow a specific song. Just anything that came to his mind he played.

"Think Sam is giving you a run for your money, Jake." You nodded over to him.

He shot his eyes in your direction with a confused expression. "Yeah, he's pretty good, but he can't play guitar behind his head."

Sam scoffed as he stopped his playing. "Alright, well, maybe you can teach me, so we'll be even."

"A magician never reveals his secrets." Jake raised his bottle towards Sam.

Sam leaned in towards you, and said, "I'll learn it one way or another."

You giggled at him, patting his shoulder and edging him on to continue his playing.

The memories you were creating here with them would be unforgettable, whether that be the interesting events that took place every day, becoming closer with Sam and reconnecting after too long of time had passed, or finally being with Josh after years of wishful thinking and doubts.

The fire wasn't lit until an hour had passed in fear of it dying down too quickly. Sam ditched the acoustic and helped Josh get the flames lit ablaze, then both of them taking their usual spots around the pit once more. Jake had even brought marshmallows to roast, along with graham crackers and chocolate to make s'mores. It was like being a kid again, hanging around the fire at night with their family and stuffing your faces of the gooey sandwich.

"S'mores tonight? When'd you come up with that?" You pointed towards the bag that was filled with the squishy, white food.

Jake looked over to you and then to the bag. "When Sam and I were out shopping for groceries. Figured we could eat them while we watch the sunset."

The sun was slowly sinking down the mountainside. It painted the sky with hues of orange and pink while it lowered down into the lake.

Jake had the skewers at his side, standing up and handing two to you and Sam. After doing so, he handed the both of you your own bag of marshmallows, graham crackers, and Hershey's chocolate that he had stowed behind his seat and out of sight, making a sly joke that he was sure Josh and him would be able to finish their own bags.

You plopped one marshmallow onto the pointy stick, whereas they all followed your motions and began to roast them over the fire.

"So, you guys excited to get back onto the road?" You flicked your eyes between all of them.

Josh hummed for an answer, looking over to Jake as if he expected him to speak for him. Jake noticed his brother's eyes, then forwarded his direction to you. "Think we are all pretty stoked to get back out there. But it's nice to take time off and do whatever we want."

You gave him a small smile, followed with a nod, then whipped your head over to Sam. "You?"

He shrugged his shoulders as his eyes lit up in golden from the fire. "I always love touring, but nothing beats being here. It's like a sense of humanity. You know, feeling normal?"

"You don't feel normal all the time?" You huffed a laugh as you took your marshmallow away from the fire. You blew onto the small flame that overtook the top of it, putting it out and starting to make your s'more.

"Well, I didn't mean it like that," he rolled his eyes with a toothy grin, "meant it like, there's no feeling you can get from anywhere other than home." He turned the handle of the skewer in his hand, before lifting it up and examining his lightly burnt marshmallow. He lowered his voice a bit, flicking his eyes over to his brothers before he turned to you. "And I don't get to hang out with you when I'm gone."

You laughed at his slight change of voice. He was always shy when it came to his feelings, especially speaking them out loudly when his brothers were around. Fear of seeming too soft, seeming too vulnerable.

"Awe, you're getting sentimental with me." You giggled as you brought your s'more to your lips.

"Shut up," he breathed. He smushed his marshmallow between his graham crackers, ditching the chocolate and taking a bite.

You just rolled your eyes off of him and noticed Josh had completely burned his marshmallow to a crisp, taking it off with a satisfactory smile and beginning to make his s'more.

"I think it's still on fire, Josh." You had your fingers over your mouth as you spoke to mask any bits of remanent pieces around your lips.

"Just the way I like it." He gave you a nod, looking over to Jake who just gave him a quiet laugh.

"He likes to burn his mouth." Sam leaned in towards you as he spoke, laughing under his breath.

You exchanged in the laughter and seeing Josh shooting you both a disapproving look. He took a large bite and hummed loud enough for you all to hear, then turning his head over his shoulder to watch what was left of the sun fall down where he could no longer see it.

As the sun began to set, and the stars lit up the sky with the moon, you all went back and forth telling numerous stories from your younger years. Usually, the twins would be the leaders in the stories, but they eventually gave you and Sam the floor.

And there you were again, brought back in time for a moment and forgetting that time passed quicker than you'd like. It was like when you all were in high school, wide awake in their backyard or watching movies in their basement. Time never reminded you that it had taken its course with their lives and leaving you behind in these moments, and you guys aren't who you used to be: four innocent individuals unsure of what the future held.

And those thoughts captivated your mind as you focused your eyes on the fire, beer in hand. You were never much of a beer drinker until Sam and you stole a few from their fridge and drank too many in his backyard after everyone went to sleep. But you still drank it around them because it felt right. Hell, everything felt right when with it was surrounding the three of them.

"What are you thinking about?" Sam tapped your forearm, and you quickly shot your eyes to him with a confused expression.

You quickly gained your consciousness back. "Just, about life. How I'm going to miss the fuck out of you when you leave."

He nodded slowly, clanking his beer bottle with yours and raising his to his lips. "That's my least favorite part about tour."

He knew you were unbelievably proud of them for all that they have accomplished. He knew that you wish them nothing but the best in everything that they do. But he also knew how much you missed him, his presence, your best friend that you would be able to stay awake with for hours on end and fall asleep without realizing it.

He continued. "But hey, we're here together now, right? We've got now to focus on, not the future."

You gave him an understanding nod, taking a small sip from your bottle and relaxing your arm back onto the chair with your hand hanging over the plastic.

There was now another person you were going to miss: Josh. Yeah, of course, you missed him when he was gone before, but things were different. You were going to have to remember how it felt to be wrapped in his arms, to kiss him, longer than you had the chance to. But Sam couldn't know that was plaguing your mind more than him. Because you've gotten comfortable coping with Sam's absence, but not Josh's. Not ever. And now, you were unsure how long that would take.

"I don't think I ever thanked you for inviting me, Sam." You rolled your head over to him. He looked at you with a raised brow, and a smile creeping from the corner of his lips.

"Well, you're welcome." He shot his chin up in your direction. "I'm glad that you decided to come. Reminds me of our trips up here as kids."

"That's what I've been thinking about!" You resituated yourself in your chair to lean closer to him. "It's like being back in time for a moment, except we're all older."

He huffed a laugh, shaking his head and taking another sip of his alcoholic beverage. "That's how time works, y/n."

"That's not," you sighed, "you know what I mean. Like we're reliving past memories."

"Except we're creating new ones - better ones. Unfortunate that they're here to screw it up." He joked, lifting his drink over to his brothers who were caught up in a conversation. They both noticed your eyes lingering on them, so they acknowledged the both of you.

"You guys saying some mean shit about us?" Josh cocked his eyebrow comically at you and Sam.

"No, y/n was just talking about how it feels like we're 'reliving past memories' being here. And she thanked me for inviting her." Sam gave you a quick smile.

"Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say we're glad you joined us on this trip." Josh gave you a soft smile, keeping his eyes held with yours. Intention and meaning laid behind that look, but only you could decipher it.

"I'm just happy none of you have gotten annoyed with me." You sighed.

"Who said that we haven't yet?" Sam muttered, to which you gave him a back-hand slap on his chest with your free hand.

"Guess that's my cue to get ready for bed then." You said. You had noticed the night had bloomed fully, and you could feel your body becoming glued to the chair. You stood, finishing the last few sips of your beer before saying, "goodnight."

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You had fully gotten yourself ready for bed, laying under your covers and waiting for Josh's arrival. You never needed to ask him to come into your room after everyone went asleep, but you figured you'd shoot him a text.

Hey, waiting up for you. I miss you.

You stared at that text for a few seconds, deciding to delete it and let time be the fate of whether or not he'd come see you. You set your phone down flat onto the nightstand, next to a photo of a family photo of the Kiszka's. It had caught your eye, so you figured you would examine it while you waited.

You heard the door creak, loud enough to forward your attention to the noise, and you saw Josh smiling at you sheepishly, wearing a pair of brown shorts and a bare chest as he creeped into your room with minimal noise.

He turned his back on you two shut the door. Then, he pointed at the picture frame in your hand. "Whatcha looking at?"

You flipped the picture towards him, and he met you at your side and picked it up. A light smile grazed his lips as he began tracing a few of the faces that lied in the photo.

"Sam hated those braces." He chuckled, setting the photo back onto the nightstand and meeting your eyes.

"I remember him complaining about the bullying. I always felt so bad for him."

Josh crawled over you, making himself comfortable under your blankets before pulling you into his side. "I tried sympathizing with him, but he usually just went to his room in frustration."

You had your head rested in the crook of his neck, with one hand placed on his chest and the other tucked between yours and his's bodies. "He was never a fan of showing his emotions."

Josh just shrugged it off, unsure of what to follow it up with. He rubbed the side of your arm, then using his pointer finger to drag it down slowly. He pressed a kiss on the top of your head as he continued his motions. You were truly content with how you were with him, and the thought of Sam wasn't one that you wanted to plague your mind anymore with.

You removed yourself from his embrace and sat on your legs for a brief moment. He gave you a puzzled look, but it immediately wiped off his face once you straddled his waist. You brought the palms of your hands on his chest, running them up and down smoothly as you watched your motions.

Your eyes looked at him through your lids with a coy grin dancing on your lips. You were satisfied with the way his hands fell onto your hips the moment you sat on his hip. Then, he began running them up your sides from underneath your shirt. His hands were cool at first, but immediately melted into your skin once he ran them back down your body.

He leaned up and crashed his lips onto yours. His hand had tangled its way onto the back of your head with your hair looping through his fingers. You had one hand on his shoulder, the other on his face, holding him onto your mouth to keep him from breaking away. Who knew after a short period of time you would miss the way his lips taste?

Peppermint laced his tongue as he met your own, groaning with an open mouth and gripping on your hip harshly. You prayed his fingers would leave prints just as a reminder the next morning that they had grazed your skin.

His lips traveled to your jaw, then your neck, holding you onto his mouth with each kiss. He was sure to not wrap his lips around your neck too deeply and leave any trace of his whereabouts, but deeply enough for you to know he was there in that moment. You had found your nails digging into his shoulder blades, with your mouth hung open and releasing quiet sighs of pleasure. The way his cool lips hit your seemingly burning up skin was a sensational relief, and you began to rock your hips gently against him.

He wrapped his fingers around your chin and brought you back onto his lips hungrily. His hands landed back on your waist to help you steady your pace and feel each motion wherever he could. But you, you could feel him under you, growing harder with each movement of yourself against his shorts.

You found yourself slowing your hips to a halt and pressing your forehead onto Josh's. The question lingered of "should you" and "what if's"? You both seemed to have decided what you wanted, but there was your mind wandering again on worry and safety.

"Hey," Josh looked up at you with his eyebrows pulled towards the bridge of his nose, "everything okay?"

You breathed a laugh through your nose. "Yeah, everything is fine. Just..."

"Sam?" He said, free of emotion.

You gave him a look of disappointment, not towards him, but yourself. You just nodded, bringing your hands to his face and removing your forehead from his. You felt bad that you were still holding back because of your best friend, but that just meant waiting a little longer.

"I'm sorry, Josh. I just-."

He cut you off quickly as he cupped your cheeks. "No, no don't be sorry. Think it's best if we wait, anyways. Builds up more," he shook his shoulders, "tension."

You rolled your eyes, pressing a kiss on his lips with a downturned smile and looking at him with a sigh. "You've got to be the most understanding person I know."

"That's a good thing, right?" He gave you a toothy expression, mouth parted open.

You just gave him another kiss as your answer, then wrapping your arms around his neck while tilting your head to the side.

"Feel a bit bad I'm letting him get in the way of us." You gave him a light shrug. "We both kind of promised each other that he wouldn't."

He resituated himself under you, then wrapped his arms around your back and bringing you into his chest. One of his hands caressed your back, while the other massaged the back of your head.

"You shouldn't," he whispered into your ear, "but I understand where you're coming from. It doesn't upset me; in case you were worried about that - that you're worried about Sam. He's also right next door, so it's best we don't test out limits any more than we have."

"Just can't wait to tell him so I don't feel like a shitty friend for keeping this a secret." You mumbled into his skin.

"Thinking about sitting him down, like an intervention of the sorts, and telling him."

You leaned up and looked at him with your face scrunched up. "That's what you suggest?"

"Would you rather me be casual about it? Just go up to him and tell him like it's no big deal."

"I don't even know what I'd prefer," you shook your head with a short exhale through your nose, "but all I know is that it'll be...interesting."

"Interesting, indeed, my dear." He widened his eyes, then giving you a gentle kiss.

You removed yourself from on top of him and relaxed on the side of him, just like you were moments before you decided to sit on his lap. You sighed with slight relief, but thoughts running through your head of different scenarios of said day that would occur. How would he react? What would he say?

Josh held you close to him as the both of you relaxed with each other. It was going to be the closest thing to you sleeping in the same bed for the time being, and neither of you wanted to break from the moment. So, sitting in silence was comforting enough for the both of you.

You reached your hand out for him, and he intertwined his own with yours. His thumb rubbed the back of your hand as he hummed a soft tune.

"I've always loved your singing." You looked up to him.

He pressed a light kiss on your forehead and gave you a soft smile. "Well, I'm glad you do. Have yet to hear you sing, though."

"You're not going to want to hear my tone-deaf voice, Josh." You chuckled at him.

"Oh, I think I do." He egged on as he squeezed your hand. "A little duet, perhaps?"

"Not tonight, and probably not ever." You gave him a stern look with a quirk of your brow.

"Alright, alright," he sighed, "one of these days I will."

You rolled your eyes and relaxed your head back onto his shoulder. You could feel the usual pull your body had on you when you grew more exhausted, feeling as though you were unable to move from your position. His comfortable heartbeat was practically lulling you to sleep.

"I think I'm going to fall asleep." You groaned, letting your eyes rest shut.

Josh huffed a laugh, placing a light kiss on the top of your forehead. "Then I should probably leave for the night. I'd love to stay for another sleepover, but think I'll just use my bed tonight."

He shuffled himself out of the bed and waited for you at the door. You dragged yourself out from under the covers, coming over to him with your arms ready to be wrapped around his neck and pull him into a kiss.

"See you in the morning, alright?" He said into your lips.

You pulled away and gave him a singular nod. Neither of you liked saying goodbye, rather choosing to say when you two would see each other next. It was an odd sentiment that became some sort of tradition between the two of you. Because, truly, neither of you wanted to leave one another, but it was the unfortunate fate that was given to you both for obvious reasons.

He pressed his lips on yours once more before leaving you, holding your face in his hands with delicacy. The feeling of how soft his lips brushed against yours was one that you always missed, but moments like these were reminders that you’d get to wake up every morning and feel the same sensations all over again.

“What the fuck?” Sam spoke slowly, but annunciated every word from the now open door that you and Josh hadn’t heard creak from its shut state.

You pulled your lips off of Josh’s quickly. You didn’t push him away though, letting him act in his own actions by placing his hands flat on the sides of his legs and looking at his brother in near terror, the same expression you wore.

Your breath grew shaky, and your stomach began to turn and twist into a nauseated feeling. Your mouth was agape as you stared at your best friend witnessing the sight in front of him. Neither of you knew what to say, so you all reserved to silence. Frankly, you felt like you couldn’t move a muscle and were stuck frozen in place. Sam, on the other hand, tightened his grip harder on the door as his jaw tensed up, eyes still blown wide but eyebrows furrowed tightly. This was the most frustrated you’ve ever seen him, and that only made you more fearful of what was to come next.

You were caught doing something you never should have done in the first place, although it wasn’t his right to tell you what you could and couldn’t do. But it was wrong of you to be with his brother in the first place upon his request, and you broke that promise. That promise alone diminished every last ounce of trust he had in you and filled his entire being with disgust. Anger, hurt, disappointment; you name it. All of the negative emotions he could possibly have felt, he did now.

And you, you did as well. You had realized the mistake you made, and seeing how upset your friend was only made the reality of the situation worse. You had hoped that if you just shut your eyes, this would all go away, but that wasn’t how life worked. You had to own up to your mistakes, but you were afraid that if you opened your mouth, vomit would come spewing out.

Josh took in a deep, shaky breath. “Sam-.”

“Don’t say a fucking word to me, Josh.” He hissed; voice shaky as his finger pointed directly to his brother. He kept his eyes squinted at him, as a warning not to speak another word or else he would regret it.

Was he expecting you to say something? Did he want you to speak? If you were supposed to, you had to try and spill some words out of your dry mouth.

You swallowed the knot in your throat in hopes of being able to say something. A sentence. A single word, a sound. But all you could manage to do was stutter for a few moments, locking eyes with Sam as soon as your mouth began to utter sounds.

“I am so, so sorry, Sam. Please, let me-.”

“Let you what? Explain to me whatever the fuck it is I just saw?” He spat at you. His nostrils began to flare as his stare became more intense. “You are not fucking sorry. Don’t you stand there and lie to me, y/n. Unbelievable.” Your eyes began to well up with each word he spat at you. His eyes were already daggers, but his words were like bullets shooting into your heart with each slight raise in his voice.

Your bottom lip began to shake as you let out a choked breath, watching him suddenly stop caring about how you felt. In times where you were like this, he would be the one to console you. But now, that was the last thing he would do for you.

He turned his back on you, and without hesitation you followed him quickly out of your room and tugged at his arm the moment you were able to catch up to him. He whipped his head to meet your welled-up eyes and pull away from your grasp.

“I don't even know what to say to you right now, other than the fact that I'm fucking disappointed.” He stood in front of you, his pointer finger raising up shakily and shooting right into your face. He just watched your eyes become blurry, not even a single hint of sympathy in his face. You knew he wanted to see you hurt, because that’s what he felt. He wanted you to feel as shitty as he did, as horrid as it sounds. But he didn’t care. “And you,” he looked behind you and noticed Josh standing just outside your door, walking over and looking down upon him yet lowering to his level just so he could meet his face properly, “you fucking promised you wouldn't try anything with her. You knew how I would feel, know how I feel about this, but you chose to do it anyways.”

You watched the scene from your locked position, feeling as though you were unable to move. Josh’s eyes began to wrinkle at the sides as his lips pulled tightly into an aggravated look. Now it was his turn to be upset, and you were just a bystander choking on your mournful, regretful tears. “It’s not your fucking choice to make, Sam.”

He was challenging him. He had no fear pent up in his system anymore, instead, a blazing fire that was igniting into fury. And Sam let out an evil laugh, throwing his head back as he shook it. Sam knew that Josh was never one to back down, so this was definitely some game he intended to play until things got messy.

“So, you admit that you don’t give a shit about how I feel then, huh?” He raised his eyebrows loosely. A devilish smirk had coiled onto his lips terrifyingly. He was trying to intimidate his brother, trying to win this game that Josh had begun the moment he shot back at his brother.

But Josh wasn’t usually a fighter He didn't want to start something that would become messy and for you to witness, although you've watched them brawl each other a few times as kids. “I didn’t say that, S-.”

He cut him off quickly with his hands clapped on his shoulders, tugging his brother closer to him. “But you know that’s what you did, right? You disregarded my feelings, my words, everything I ever said to you about how I would despise if this ever happened.” He shook his head in astonishment, with a light scoff breezing out through his nose. He flicked his eyes over to you, seeing how your lips had been pressed tightly together to muffle your cries with a quivering chin. How your eyes were puffy and had begun shedding a few tears down your cheeks and staining them.

Sam turned his attention back to Josh, who rolled his eyes and began to speak calmly. “Can we be civil and talk about this instead of you trying to make me feel shitty about this? I know you’re upset, Sam. But, I think you can grow some common sense and let us talk to you-.”

“No.” He pushed his brother back lightly as he removed his firm grip on his shoulders. He looked at you again, waiting for another tear to fall from your face. “The fuck are you crying for? Surely you’re not because you feel bad about this.”

“I do-.”

“No,” he stomped over to you as he raised his voice, “you obviously don’t! You’re crying because you were too stupid enough to get caught, y/n! You don’t feel bad. If you did, you never would’ve done whatever it is you two have been doing in the first place. Are you happy? Are you satisfied that you did the one fucking thing you promised me you would never do? Congratulations, y/n, you really outdid yourself with this one.”

Your breaths were quiet cries to him, letting your mouth open as your eyes flicked between his own. He had never yelled at you like this, never talked down to you like this. It was the most gut-wrenching thing you could ever experience. You just wanted this all to go away, for this all to be a twisted nightmare that you could wake up from.

“Why are you being so mean to me, Sam?” It was a stupid question you were asking, but it was one you wanted to say out loud. There was the obvious reason why he was upset with you, but how he was dragging you through the dirt only made you feel like you didn’t know him. You never saw this side of him before, and frankly, you didn’t recognize who stood before you. It was mortifying to watch him just stare at you as if he could care less you were very much upset about this. In fact, you could even get the sense he wanted you to cry.

He just laughed at you, leaning his head back as he continued his laughter to himself. “Can’t believe-why am I being mean to you? Are you fucking kidding me?” He brought his hand to his head as he looked around the dim hallway with an evil, toothy smirk plastered on his face with disbelief. “You destroyed the trust I had for you. You think I wouldn’t be upset by this? Is that what you expected?”

You let out a choked cry. “No, Sam-.”

“And yet, you chose to sneak around with my brother. Disgusting.” He spat, pressing his lips tightly together with a light shake of his head. He looked towards Josh, who was breathing deeply by the way his shoulders rose with each inhale of air he took. “Fuck you.”

He walked back to his room without another word to you both and you grappled enough force to move yourself towards him, watching as the door shut loudly in your face. Your legs felt like jelly with each step, eyes barely of any help with how your tears filled your waterline and blocked your vision.

You banged on his door with the sides of your fists, screaming his name as you cried. “Sam, Sam please open the door.”

You continued your actions, calling for him again and again. “Sam, please. Please can we talk about this? Sam!”

You were growing exhausted. You could feel your legs wanting to give out with every harsh knock on his door. You were practically using all of your force. “Sam,” you choked out quietly, “please.”

You sunk your hands down from the door, lowering yourself to the floor as an uncomfortable knot bubbled in your throat. Your entire mouth felt dry, and it had you gasping for air as you fell onto the ground and relaxed your face onto the wood. Your cheeks were burning up - your entire body was with how your waling cries were bouncing off the walls. Your eyes faltered to the floor as your body reminded you of the nausea that sat in the pit of your stomach and tore it from the inside. As if you could feel so empty yet so built up with everything that was happening internally and externally. You felt lost.

Josh came to your side immediately, crouching down and waiting for the right moment to bring you into his body. He wasn’t sure if that was what you wanted, so he just relaxed his elbows on his knees with his hands hanging over the split of his legs. You met his eyes, and although you were utterly embarrassed by how unattractive you felt in this moment, that was the last thing you cared about right now.

“I shouldn’t have let this happen; this is all my fault.” He said in a low whisper, with his face fully in a regretful state. He didn’t regret anything he did with you, no, he regretted breaking the promise that he had everything figured out. That Sam wouldn’t find out this way. That Sam wouldn’t get in between the both of you.

You couldn’t find words to say, you just leaned the side of your head back onto the door and shut your eyes. You begged yourself to wake up, wake up from this. Wake up. Wake up.

You banged your fist against the door again, whether it was in an attempt to call out for Sam, or out of pure agony. You couldn’t pick out exactly how you felt, but you knew it was painful. You weren’t upset with Sam, or Josh, but yourself. It takes two for a relationship to happen, and you could’ve not let it occur. But you instigated the first kiss, telling Josh it was okay and that you didn’t care what Sam thought. It was you that started this. It was you that fell for him first. It was you that betrayed your best friend.

Josh had sat himself on his knees, pulling you into his chest and letting your head fall near his heart. Mucus began to drip from your nose as you choked on your own breath, practically hyperventilating from your cries of dismay. Josh held you tightly in his arms, looking down at you because he didn’t know how else to comfort you. He knew there was nothing to say to make you feel better, because what was there to say? That he was sorry? You knew that. That you two would figure it out? How? How could you believe that when that was all he’s been promising to you for the past weeks and a half?

So, he sat with you mute, listening to your loud cries that should’ve woken up Jake. Hell, it could’ve wakened up anyone in distance of the lake house if they were near. You tried to calm yourself, processing with every ounce of mindful thinking you could forge together to focus on your breathing, but to no avail.

Eventually, he wrapped his arms under your legs and pulled you up with him. A light grunt escaped his throat as he stood to his feet, but he managed to keep you in his grasp and take you back to your room. You didn’t fight it, mainly because there was no energy left in your body to do so, instead reserving all of it to continue your cries.

He rested you into your bed, throwing the covers over your body and stripping his shorts off his body once he reached the opposite side of the bed. Even if you wanted him to leave you alone, which you were sure that you didn’t, he wasn’t going to just walk out on you in your most anguished state. It tore at his heart to see you like this, as he’s only really seen you cry once or twice.

You shuffled yourself into his chest, painting his bare skin with your tears. He just rubbed your back slowly in hopes of relaxing you, and it helped to some extent. You cried to the point of near exhaustion, and as much as you felt the need to let out more upsetting whines, your body was unable to do so. So, you just choked up a bit, sniffling into his chest as you rested your eyes, pressing harshly onto them to release anymore tears your body could produce. But there was none. Your eyes were simply dry, puffy and red. You didn’t know if that would be the end of your sobbing, if you would wake up in the middle of the night and remember that Sam had cut you deep with his words and have you spiraling back to feeling sorrowful. You didn’t want to think about it anymore, because you know you needed sleep. And Josh was helping coax you with each circle he drew on your back, and with each trace down the side of your head he’d bestow upon you.

⊱ ━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━ ⊰

series taglist: @gvfleetwood @sacredjake @aureatopia @myeyehurtz @alexiagx @objectsinspvce @unhappycylinder @spinthehemmo @carbonwritingthroughtime @thecoldwind @ageofsophgvf @fakeplastiqtree @thepritchardscale @gvfpal @light-myluv @raviolilegs @jordierama @alwayskiszka

other tags: @ageofhearingloss @mountain-in-springtime @ignite-my-fire @gvfsstardust @jakesguitarsolo @fallonfatality @gold-mines-melting @digitalcalamity @demolitionndann @lipstickitty @lexii-nv-c @joopsworld @ryrybaby @hellowgoodbye << for all of you new here, welcome to my first series! tagged you in a interesting plot point, so you might want to catch yourself up a bit if you'd like! ;) and, thanks for joining my taglist! will be tagging you all in future works.

-part seven-

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madneedshelp · 1 year

Text

Redemption - Josh Kiszka x FReader

Summary: After an accident leaves you on the brink of death, the images of your life flash by while you’re in this limbo state. All the moments with the best friend you never got the courage to confess to consume you at the end. Now, all you can do is beg and plead for one last chance with him. Words: 3.3k

Warnings: Description of accident, language, mentions of death, alcohol use

Note: Ok so I know this fic is just super out of pocket, the idea came to me at like 2 am during finals week when my brain was fried, but I wrote it anyway. Also, I tried to not insinuate any religious afterlife specifications just because obviously not everyone has the same beliefs, so I promise I don’t want to offend anyone. I hope you all enjoy my weird fic!

There was no way to describe the way you were feeling except as saying you felt nothing. It was almost as if you were nothing. You were in an abyss of nothingness, but in a warm and bright way. It was comforting, not terrifying.

Still, you were vaguely conscious of the fact that this was…odd. Time didn’t seem to affect you, so you weren’t sure how long it took you to remember what happened to you.

There was an accident. It had poured so heavily the day before, but you and your two friends were on a hiking trip and determined to do a trail anyway. There was a small break in the rain and both you and Josh decided you should seize your opportunity. Jake had tried to be the voice of reason, but the two of you pulled him along anyway.

You were about halfway done when it was like the skies opened up and rain swamped you all. There weren't any good options for shelter, so you pushed ahead as fast as you could. By the time you made it to the final stretch, the downpour was thick enough that you couldn’t really see and mud kept trying to take hold of your shoes, but all you had to do was make it uphill and you’d be at the parking lot.

Jake and Josh were ahead of you, just far enough to be out of reach when you slipped. The path was narrow and slick. There weren’t any trees of substantial size along the edges. The combination of all those things ended with you sliding right off the edge of the cliffside.

The last vague memory you had is the sounds of screaming and the flash of fear as you plummeted toward a boulder below.

Despite the warm place you seemed to be in, cold panic started to seep into your veins. Were you dead? You must’ve hit your head on the way down, and now you were…no, no, no, you couldn’t be. You were a year away from finishing your undergrad, you had future trips planned with friends, and you hadn’t even told your best friend that you loved him yet.

Josh. What about Josh? You couldn’t die before you got to tell him how you felt. You had so many opportunities, but you never took any of them because you didn’t want to lose him if he didn’t feel the same. Hundreds of chances, but you always banked on there being a next time. Now you might've run out.

—--8 Years Ago—--

“Josh, I swear if you don’t put that back where it belongs, I will shave your eyebrows while you sleep!” You shouted, taking a good ten steps back from the curly-haired boy.

You should’ve known better than to agree to go to the creek with Josh. He and Jake had been begging you to come down here with you for weeks, but the weather hadn’t been very warm so far. Now that it was summer break, the three of you had ventured out here.

Not that you minded the extra time with Josh. Yeah, he was your best friend, but something was different lately. Though you had never talked about the feelings with anyone before, you knew it was a crush. You really liked this boy, even if he was kind of annoying and a bit of a weirdo.

He looked between you and the newt in his hands with false innocence. “What’s wrong? It’s not gonna hurt you. Don’t you like lizards?”

You held out an arm to signal for him to stay back. “I don’t love them, and also that’s not a lizard. Now please, just put him down.”

“It’s not? Here, why don’t you take a closer look just to check.” A mischievous grin spread across his face as he lunged toward you with the small creature.

You let out a small shriek and took off down the creek. He followed after you instantly while laughing maniacally.

At some point, he either dropped or let the newt go, but it turned into him just chasing you. With the threat of the best gone, your competitive streak started to come alive and you would be damned if you let him beat you. Your legs were just a bit longer than his and you were fast. However, Josh was a ball of energy and he was rapidly gaining on you in the rocky terrain.

Just as his hand closed around your arm you tripped on a slippery rock and the both of you went down with a splash. The two of you kept laughing for a minute until if faded as a silent realization fell upon both of you.

Josh had fallen to where he was on his hands and knees hovering over where you lie on your back. His face was only inches from yours.

Neither of you were sure why the other didn’t move. Whether it was due to actual feelings or simply the curiosity of 13 year old kids starting to wonder about what it would be like to kiss someone, you couldn’t tell. You were stuck with your eyes locked on each other.

Unfortunately, you never got to find out what would’ve happened. You both hesitated a moment too long and Jake’s shouting grabbed your attention. He must’ve returned from his trip back to grab some water.

“Josh! Y/N! Dad said lunch is ready!”

“Coming!” Josh shouted back, scrambling up from his position.

He offered you a hand, which you took shyly, and started to brush yourself off. Neither of you said a word as you made your way back to the grassy lawn where you left your stuff. Jake was already gone by the time you two climbed up the bank.

“Hey, uh, do you want my shirt?” Josh held up the article of clothing.

He was smart enough to have shed it before you played in the creek. Still, his question took you aback.

“What?” You felt your face warm slightly.

He seemed to get a bit more embarrassed as he explained. “Well your shirt got soaked when we fell, so I just wondered if you wanted to borrow it.”

“Oh, um, yeah thanks.” You grabbed the shirt from him with a small smile.

As soon as it was in your hand, it hit you that you’d have to take off your shirt to change. And you were pretty far from the house. And there were very few trees along the creek.

Even at 13 Josh was a good guy. His manners kicked in when it mattered. Without you asking, he swiveled to face the field away from you so you could change and made a playful remark about keeping watch, even though it was highly unlikely that anyone would turn up.

You quickly swapped out your wet t-shirt for his dry one and poked him on the shoulder. “I’m done now.”

“Great, let’s go.” He smiled at you.

He was still quiet on the walk back. Normally, you could handle a comfortable silence with Josh, but this afternoon things were different. The two of you nearly kissed in the creek, you were wearing his shirt, and now you were noticing that he smelt oddly good for a teenage boy.

You would never tell anyone how much you regretted not kissing Josh. He would’ve been your first kiss. You ended up wasting it on some boy at a school dance the following school year, and you didn’t even really like him. But how could you have kissed Josh back at the creek when you didn’t think he wanted the same thing?

—--3 Years Ago—--

“Babe, you look absolutely stunning!” Jake’s girlfriend beamed at you after she finished doing your hair.

You flushed and blew a playful kiss at her. “Stop it, you look gorgeous! I can’t wait to see the look on Jake’s face!”

You and her had become good friends in the time she’d been dating Jake. She’d offered to do your hair for prom if you would do her makeup, and the two of you even went dress shopping together. It was kind of refreshing considering most of the time you hung out with the twins.

“I’m more excited to see Josh’s face. Seriously, there’s no way he’s just gonna sit there all night and keep calling you his best friend. He’s got it bad for you and this is gonna break him.” She smirked at you.

You rolled your eyes at her. “Not true.” It was, though. She had figured out your crush on him a while ago, but you would never admit it.

You and Josh were going to prom together, yes, but just as friends. You broke up with your boyfriend a few weeks ago, and Josh and his girlfriend had ended things around the same time too. That left both of you single and in need of prom dates. It felt only natural to go with your best friend, especially when you’d planned on going with Jake and his girlfriend as a group anyways.

“You know I don’t believe you, but I’d rather go see the proof now, so let’s go.” She winked and pulled you out of her room and downstairs.

As expected, Jake found his girlfriend to be extremely pretty and told her so at least four times. If you hadn’t been paying attention to their goofball romance, you might’ve noticed that Josh was looking at you like you were a shooting star, bright and rare, like if he blinked he would miss you entirely.

Once you stepped over to him, he blinked and cleared his throat nervously. “You look really nice.”

“Thank you, you do too.” You smile at him, trying to keep your voice even. He really did look good. He’d done his best to tame his wild hair and he even got a vest for his suit that matched your dress.

He offered you his arm and the two of you followed behind Jake and his girlfriend to the front yard to take pictures. Everyone’s parents were present, and millions of pictures of everyone and every combination of each were taken. For the next few years you kept a picture of you and Josh from prom in your room, along with your other favorites.

After pictures and dinner, the four of you finally made it to prom and everyone scattered periodically to mingle. Jake and Josh went to talk to some of their other friends, and you and Jake’s girlfriend did the same. Eventually, you all snuck out the back and drank a bit from the flasks you snuck in and returned to repeat the cycle of talking and dancing.

Of course it wouldn’t have been prom without the cheesy slow song thrown randomly in the mix. The four of you happened to have already been on the dance floor dancing to the upbeat song previously played, so Jake and his girlfriend almost immediately switched into slow-dance-mode. That left you and Josh. You were just thinking it would be the perfect time for a drink break when Josh held out his hand.

“Dance with me?” He asked with a grin.

You returned it and nodded. “Of course.”

As the steady ballad crooned from the speakers, you and Josh drifted together. His hand on your waist, your arms around his neck, you looked like every other couple on the dancefloor.

“Crazy to think we’re already here and graduating in like a month.” He chuckled.

“Oh, don’t go getting all sappy on me now, Joshy.”

“Can’t help it, I guess this music is just getting to me. Can I be honest with you?”

You narrowed your eyes at him and nodded. “Yeah?”

He chuckled under his breath for a moment before he sobered up a little. “Relax, it’s nothing bad. I’m just glad that I’m here with you.”

You felt the seriousness creep back into you then. “Me too. There’s no one I’d rather be here with.”

The thoughts you had been trying to push away for the past few months were threatening to surface. Graduation in May. Summer break in June and July. Then you’d leave for college in August. After that you’d be states away from your best friends and family.

Just tell him. Say it now while you have the courage. The small voice inside you was screaming, but there was enough of you too terrified to act. You couldn’t ruin prom and the whole summer together if things went south.

Instead, you settled for laying your head on his shoulder and mumbling “I’m going to miss you.”

—--Your 21st Birthday—--

Nashville was a fun place to celebrate your 21st birthday. Since you didn’t get to see your friends often, the three of you splurged on the event and decided to take a trip. While you had all been drinking way before it was legal, being able to go bar hopping was still exciting.

Needless to say, you were all drunk and having a blast. You’d spent the earlier part of the day sightseeing and exploring the city, but tonight was the real reason for the trip.

At the last minute, you invited your college roommate out of nerves. You had gotten lucky to have been matched with Katie, she was now a close friend of yours. That’s why you asked her to come. You hadn’t seen Josh since your last break from school and you were more than a little nervous. You kept in touch over the phone, but in person was different. You were still in love with him, despite the fact that you’d tried to fall for other people, so you brought Katie in case you freaked.

Unfortunately, you forgot about Katie’s weakness for long-haired men and Jake’s tendency to be a bit of a hoe (which you meant completely lovingly). The moment Jake started tipsy-flirting with her, her buzzed self folded. They had been talking for a good part of the night.

However, things between you and Josh were good. You two were cool. You were friendly for the whole day, and now that you were on the drinking portion of the trip, your crush was scaring you less and less. It was definitely the liquid courage in your veins.

It was the dancing at a club that took you all out. The alcohol finally developed its depressant effect and tiredness was beginning to seep over all of you. Thankfully, the Air BnB you rented wasn’t far and you all were able to walk back home safely.

Katie and Jake were dangerously close to making out on the couch once you’d returned, so you and Josh escaped to the balcony. The night air was chilly and the two of you snuggled close to keep warm.

“This is nice.” You murmured, a dreamy smile on your face.

“What is?” Josh mumbled.

“You being here. With me.”

“Hmm I like being with you too, baby.” He hummed happily.

You snuggled into his side. “I love you, Joshy. I wish you were with me all the time.”

He wrapped his arm tighter around you. “I love you too. You’re my best friend, just don’t tell Jake.”

Even in your inebriated state, his words hit you. Best friend. Nothing more. You suddenly felt less buzzed and giggly. You were starting to remember that you were just a girl who had loved her best friend since she was 13 and he didn’t see you as anything else.

Except that he did. You didn’t know it, but he loved you so much. He wanted to tell you that too, but you looked so sad when he said it back that he got too scared to say more.

The trip ended two days later and you all went your separate ways, no closer to the closure that you so desperately wanted from him.

—--Now—--

You wanted to kick yourself as your life flashed past you. So many chances with Josh. Now he would never know that you loved him and you would never know if he loved you.

This couldn’t be it. It couldn’t end like this.

Please.

Anything.

I’ll do anything for one more shot.

I’ll be brave this time.

I’ll make it count.

Please.

“Y/N?”

It was fuzzy, like you were underwater, but you definitely could hear it.

“Can you hear me?”

You couldn’t quite form the words, but you could hear more clearly now. There was a woman speaking.

“Can you hear us?” Another woman spoke.

This time you formed a hum that you hoped was audible enough to be taken as a ‘yes’.

“Do you think you can open your eyes for me?” The woman asked.

Everything was so heavy, but you tried so so hard. You felt someone brush your arm lightly, and realized you could feel it. You could hear and feel and holy shit that meant you weren’t dead. That was the little push you needed to open your eyes.

You were in what was definitely a hospital room and two women in scrubs were watching you carefully.

“Glad to have you with us, Y/N.” The older one smiled. “I’m Dr. Jones and we heard you stirring a couple minutes ago. You’ve had a lot of people pretty worried.”

“Where…” Your voice was thick and raspy, but after a moment it came back enough. “Where are they?”

The nurse answered as she was checking your vitals. “One of the two boys that brought you in went to the cafeteria a few minutes ago. They said your family was on their way. You’ve been out for almost two days.”

That thought made you nauseous, but then your mind went back to her first words. “Josh?”

The nurse smiled at you. “Yes, I believe that’s him.”

“Y/N?”

You looked over at the doorway to be met with the sight of Josh. He looked exhausted. His eyes were rimmed in dark circles and he just looked…sad. But he was your Josh and it was the best sight you’d ever seen for that reason.

“Looks like you’re stable and doing well, so we’ll give you two a moment. Just take it easy.” Dr. Jones said before stepping out of the room with your nurse.

Josh was at your side in an instant, tears in his eyes. “Oh God, I’m so sorry. We should never have went out there. They didn’t know if you were going to make it. We were so scared. I was so scared. I’m so fucking sorry.”

You placed your hand gently on his arm and shook your head. “It’s not your fault. I made the choice to go. It was just an accident.”

“An accident on the trip I planned. On the hike I suggested. Baby, I’m so sorry.” The tears were falling down his face now.

You slowly lifted a hand to his face. “You didn’t do this, Josh. You actually saved me.”

“No I didn’t. Jake’s the one that carried you in. I…I was too hysterical, I couldn’t calm down.”

“No, not that. I kept seeing you. I had to get back to you. I think that’s what brought me back.” You smiled.

“What?” He wiped at his eyes.

“I couldn’t go, Josh. Not without telling you that I love you. I’ve been in love with you for so many years, and I know this isn’t a great time to say it, but I’m too scared to wait for something else to happen.”

“You mean that?” He croaked.

“I mean it. I love you.”

A fresh wave of tears slid down his cheeks. “God, I should’ve told you sooner. I love you too. I love you so much, and I never want to lose you. I need you.”

This time you took your chance. You pressed a light kiss to his lips and he leaned into it. Sure, you wished the circumstances were different and you could really kiss him, but you would absolutely take this moment over the alternative.

You would spend the rest of your life making the most of your second chance.

#josh kiszka #greta van fleet #writing #x y/n #imagines #jake kiszka #danny wagner #sam kiskza #greta van fleet fan fiction #fanfic #josh kiszka x reader #josh kiszka one shot #josh kiszka angst #josh kiszka x y/n #second chance at life #josh kiszka x you #josh gvf

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meetingthestarcatchers · 4 months

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Thunder and Lightning

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x Reader

Warnings: a little angsty mixed with fluff at the end

You stood in the rain, wrapping yourself in your soaked-through jacket, and waited for the face you longed to see. Slowly, the door creaked open to reveal Josh, his eyes squinting from the porch light. As soon as he realised it was you, you swore you saw his face soften a little.

You both stood in silence for what felt like eternity, thunder rolling gently, and the rain falling around you, perfectly replicating the scenes you would watch repeatedly with Josh on movie nights.

"I didn't know where else to go..." you mumbled quietly and he sighed and moved aside to let you in. He stayed silent as he shut the door and started to remove your coat off of you. You muttered a small thank you and he nodded. He walked into the kitchen that you remembered so well and filled the kettle up with water.

While waiting for the water to boil he turned to face you and leaned forward to rest his forearms on the counter. "We can't keep doing this..." he said and you could already feel the tears starting to well up in your eyes and you nodded and looked at the floor.

"I know..." you muttered and the two of you fell back into a comfortable silence again. The storm began to pick up slightly and a loud clap of thunder paired with a flash of lightning was enough to make you jump and look towards the window. You heard a quiet chuckle coming from Josh and you looked at him.

"I didn't forget how easy it is to make you jump" he said and you couldn't help but laugh quietly. You watched as he stood up properly and walked towards you slowly. He started to lift his hand and bring it up to your face but he stopped himself as if he remembered.

"It wasn't supposed to end how it did" he exclaimed softly.

"Then why did it end..." you asked and he sighed

"You know why. You have to understand that I did it for the both of us" he reminded you again. Replays of that night began in your head.

"Please y/n, I'm sorry but it was going to happen eventually" Josh said, his voice breaking slightly. You looked at him, your bottom lip starting to tremble and your eyes becoming red.

"Don't look at me like that..." he muttered, wanting to wrap you in his arms tighter than he had ever done before.

"You promised me" you cried as the tears began to roll down your cheeks. "You promised that you would never let me go, and I believed you." Your voice heightened and he nodded.

"You deserve better than lonely mornings and late nights waiting for me" he argued, moving closer to you and trying to take your hands in his. "I gave you everything I had and you decided to throw it all away as if you never cared" you said pushing him away and walking towards the door, slipping on your shoes.

Thunder snapped you out of your thoughts and Josh look at you regretfully as if he knew what you were thinking.

"I wish I could take it back"

"But you can't" you replied. Josh sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. "Let's talk about this more in the morning" he suggested and you nodded, fighting the oncoming yawn.

Josh took your hand, forgetting about the boiled water and led you upstairs. Once you arrived in his bedroom, he handed you a shirt and pants to change into, taking your wet clothes and throwing them in the nearby hamper.

You climbed into his bed and felt yourself relax between the familiar sheets. Josh lay down next to you and hesitated to wrap his arm around your waist. He fought off sleep until he heard your breaths even out and only then did he allow himself to fall into the hands of dreams.

#josh kiszka #josh kiszka angst #josh kiszka x reader

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littlemisslipbalm · 8 months

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Demonology: Me & My Dog

Series Summary: A new demon has come to Nashville. Josh and Jake's ways of life have been thrown off by her arrival. The angel and demon have lived with an understanding of one another, but with Y/N stirring up trouble and asking questions, they're forced to work out a new normal. And why is she so powerful for a human turned demon anyway, that's unusual, right?

Jake Kiszka x f!reader and Josh Kiszka x f!reader

A/N: This will be at least three parts! This first part is more about Josh and the reader, the second will be more Jake and then we will see with part 3 what is to happen. Please let me know what you think with comments and reblogs and messages to my inbox!! I want to talk about this bc I have been so excited to share it!!

Word Count: 5.4k | Warnings: alcohol consumption, strong language, allusions to sex - minor descriptions of sex but not descriptive smut (still 18+!!), dubious comprehension of angel/demon mythology, like this is fiction fr so if it does not make sense i am sorry but idc (but am also open to suggestions thx)

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Part 1: My & My Dog

When being told to stir up some trouble on Earth, Y/N was more annoyed that she had to go back at all than excited that she was moving up in the ranks. Afterall, she’d only died 50 years ago. It was already time to go back? She thought she had eternity down here.

From what she’d heard from other members of the underworld, it’d just gotten worse since she’d left. Prior to 1976 had been a riot for her (1976 was not her favorite, but dying usually wasn’t in people’s top ten greatest moments), but now it sounds worse than Hell itself.

Still, like a good little demon soldier, she trudged through the dim back rooms to find the dull office that would provide her with the necessary documents to take a corporeal form and inhabit the physical sphere for an extended period of time.

“Can I bring my dog?” She asks, kicking at a piece of garbage on the floor. It littered the entire ground around her feet.

“Dog?” The servant of hell inquired.

“Chupacabra,” She corrects.

“Sure,” Their eyes raise from filling out the paperwork to the little animal beside her. “Extra form you need to both sign. Says he’ll suck the blood of at least five animals per earthly week while he’s there. We don’t do ESAs here.”

“Fab,” She sighed in relief and scratched behind the ears of her dog that she had re-encountered shortly after arriving in Hell.

The chupacabra placed his paw in some mysterious blood that had formed in the pewter catch-all dish sitting beside the papers and then pushed it onto the form. Signed, sealed and soon to be delivered. They were getting out of Hell.

When she materialized on Earth, she wasn’t sure where she was exactly. The home office didn’t give that information, you just had to figure it out yourself. She had been hoping for her hometown of Los Angeles or another major city center she’d never been to before. Maybe London or Tokyo would be a fun change of pace.

After walking what felt like 20 miles, but was probably half of that given that she wasn’t used to physical legs anymore, she came upon a sign as to where she was. A mural to be exact.

It had only been woods and fields for the first half, but then there were more buildings. Coffee shops, bagel shops and something that was called a ‘Vape’ shops. Everything advertised themselves as historic music sites. But it wasn’t until 1504 Demonbreun St. that she fully ascertained she was in the heart of Nashville, Tennessee.

“Welcome to Nashville”

“Fuck yeah,” She smiled. A friend back in the day had been from here and told her about it a few times. It wasn’t a major capital city or home, but it was a city alright. And where there was nightlife, she was sure there could be trouble.

She spent the rest of the day checking around her surroundings. Finding the place Hell had given her to lodge in. It wasn’t much but she remembered earthly delights and planned to spruce it up, give it a vibe. She wrote a note on the wall with a deep red pen she had brought with her a list of items she needed. Couch, rug, bed, posters, an electric guitar and lots of wine and clothes. The ink dripped down the wall and she smiled, swiping at it and placing it to her lips.

She passed the rest of the daylight hours with great displeasure for the living people around her who barely seemed to notice her. Not that she looked any different than them, but it just bothered her that no one was as friendly as when she’d last been here. No one bothered to say ‘hello’, all they did was stare or talk into their rectangular devices she had realized were portable telephones half way through the day.

Broadway St. seemed to be the place Y/N thought she’d find the most possible trouble. It was lit up like the Sunset and if it weren’t for all the horribly dressed people surrounding her, she would’ve felt right at home.

At one of the bars, she got free shots from the bartender with a flash of her eyes. From the regular dark brown iris, they flashed an entire eternal glassy black. He smiled dreamily in the abyss and walked away after she winked at him. She swung back the shots and made her way to the dance floor.

Raising her hands above her head, she began to dance. Her black lace dress hugged her curves and shifted with her. Her silver jewelry glinted dangerously as she moved. The lights in the bar shifted to stay red instead of the flashing multi-colors that had bothered her when she entered. She moved her hips to the music and slowly it transformed from a poppy song she didn’t know to Led Zeppelin.

Robert Plant’s voice got everyone dancing the way they should and the vapes transformed into cigarettes and she smiled to herself feeling alive for the first time in a long time. Maybe being back wasn’t so bad. She drank more and danced more and saw people getting drunk and making out in corners and thought debauchery worked as trouble. Job done for the day.

She relaxed into the sway of the music, writhing around like a snake as her skin grew dewey with perspiration. A tug at her arm brought her out of her euphoric state. All night she had made sure no one would bother her, but whoever this was didn’t seem to follow her rules.

She opened her eyes, fully black once more as she stared at who was holding her wrist. She tugged back but his hold was secure. He pulled her to the side of the dancefloor, a space conveniently opening up.

“Get your hands off me! What the fuck, man?”

“You can’t be here,” He spoke calmly.

She narrowed her eyes at him. He had on a white plain t-shirt and light wash jeans, with opalescent beads hanging around his neck. His eyes were an oddly familiar light brown. His hair was shaved on the sides, creating a sort of mullet that she mildly appreciated if he hadn’t been so rude as to pull her away from her fun. That mullet exposed the golden earrings in his pointy ears.

There was something different about him. None of it was in his physical form but she felt it, vibrating and extending around him. As if he had invisible light passing around and through him even in the dark dingy bar lighting.

“Says who?” She finally tugged her arm free from his hold and crossed her arms across her chest, pressing her breasts up in the process.

His eyes flicker to the movement before pressing his lips into a thin line “Says me.”

She rolled her eyes, unimpressed. “And you are?”

“Joshua. I protect this town," he says. He wrings his hands around the gold bracelets on his wrists. “You can’t come into these bars and just mess with everything about them. It’s wrong.”

“Yes I can, Josh,” She smirks. “I’m a demon as you clearly already can tell. I can do whatever I want.”

“Oh my God,” Josh sighs, exasperated already. “There’s already a demon here.” He knew the other one quite well and was at least able to keep him in check. A newcomer would mean more work.

She shrugged. “Not my problem, angel. Hell sent me up here, guess they’re not happy with the other one’s performance.”

She moved to go back to the bar for another drink when Josh looked like he was a million miles away. He’d really killed her buzz. Josh’s mentioning of another demon made her stop and ask as an afterthought: “What’s this other demon’s name?”

“Jacob–er, uh, Jake,” Josh corrects himself. He hadn’t gone by Jacob since, well, since before, even if Josh wished he could just call him Jacob.

“Groovy.” Her smile is wicked, her lips painted a red so deep it resembled dried blood. “Displeasure meeting you, angel. Come find me if you ever want to have a real good time.” She kissed his cheek before disappearing behind a group of people.

Two weeks later, Y/N was seated on a bench in the park with her legs kicked up. She looked like she was a dead body–which more or less, she was, but the way she was sitting was unusual for someone who was supposedly alive. Her dog was perched unnaturally along the backrest, soaking in the sun he had missed. They looked out of place.

She had come out in the midday to see if she could start any fights in the park. She’d quickly learned that malfunctions with their little handheld phones really upset the modern humans so she liked to mess with wifi and electrical connections every odd day or so just to keep up the no-good work.

Her black RayBans covered her eyes as they surveyed the green grass for potential targets for a bit of a row. She sat as far away from the people as possible, so she had enhanced her vision as if using a zoom function. But soon something white blocked her vision.

“Angel,” She practically growled. Her dog actually growled, sitting up.

“Mind if I sit,” Josh asks pleasantly, eyeing the dog with caution. It looked like a normal dog, but a clip in his right ear and a strange red shimmer in his eyes made Josh think there might be something hellish about him.

She took her feet off the bench and pushed her sunglasses up off of her face. “Finally want a taste of what you’re missing?”

“No,” he states flatly. His eyes were still wandering between the creature and the demon. She was dressed in all black, typical. The dog was between cream and the lightest brown he’d ever seen, atypical. “Is this your dog?”

“Yeah.” She smiles softly for the first time. Her hand goes to pet him between his ears and down his small snout. “He was waiting for me in Hell back’n the day. They made him a chupacabra for me as a ‘Welcome to Hell’ present.”

Josh’s eyes widened in surprise. What had she done in life to receive a present in Hell? “They like you down there?”

“Eh…I think I’m just a descendant of many a troublemaker. They knew I’d be an asset, especially when I arrived so early.”

Her dog slipped into her lap. For a moment, he shifted as he stared at Josh. Big ruby eyes glowered at him, all his hair was gone, leaving something more resembling a pale soft dog-rat. Disturbing and wretched, nonetheless. He wrinkled his nose at Josh.

Josh tried to smile, feeling awkward. Jake had insisted he find this demon Josh had encountered, needing more information about whether he was really in trouble or if it was procedural. Why Jake wouldn’t do it himself, Josh never got as many answers as questions he asked.

“Do either of you have names?”

She grinned. “Is this twenty questions? Why so interested in me?”

“Just want to get to know my opposition,” Josh says lightly, praying for her to feel extra kind today. Afterall, she was a demon who was originally human and it was only a little while ago from what she seemed to like. He was pretty sure she’d only been down in Hell for 50-60 years, that was barely a human lifetime—and yet it was longer than hers. Far less than Jake. Maybe he could neutralize her, get her to see the bright side.

“His name is Rune, now, but it used to be Rori.” She rubs over the dog’s hair, happy that he was softer on Earth. “He responds to both–for me. Not sure what he should be called now we’re back.”

Josh waited patiently. The breeze was cooler than usual and looking at her, he had to assume it was her as well. She seemed far too powerful for a run-of-the-mill demon who used to be human. But she also seemed extremely unlikely to answer his questions if he got too personal.

With her eyes uncovered, Josh watched them move around as she thought about something. It was almost like she was tracking something or doing some long form math equation in her head. Like she didn’t know what her name was and was looking for the answer.

“Mine…well, now you can call me Sal.” She winks and Josh straightens in his seat, feeling strange. “Gonna write about me in your diary now, Joshua?”

Josh pretends to laugh with a clipped “ha ha.” She smirked again, sliding closer to Josh on the bench. Rori grew annoyed and hopped off her lap, slinking off to climb a tree in hopes of finding a squirrel. Sal extended a delicate hand to Josh’s shoulder, beginning to play with the fabric of his shirt. He smiled tightly, not having anywhere to go if he wanted more answers.

“You said you arrived early?” Josh’s voice is high as he feels her touch moving down his arm. Thankfully, being an angel kept him from feeling her entire influence, but her physical touch was enough to feel something…unholy. He didn’t want to imagine her abilities on mortals. “What did you mean?”

“You’re fun,” She beamed. “If I show you some tricks I picked up in Hell, will you show me something?”

“It depends what you want to see,” Josh tries to be diplomatic.

Her head throws back in laughter. “Not that. No, I want you to want me to see that.” Her hand wanders to his wrist and toys with the bracelet before slinking to his thigh. Her voice was low and sultry, lips pressed to his ear. “Desperately.”

Josh was starting to feel like he might have to leave. His breathing had turned shallow and he couldn’t stop staring at the carnelian stone hanging between her breasts. Her hand’s touch left him and she laughed again bringing him out of his reverie.

“Hell, you’re pretty cute…I was a 27 club member.” She shrugged, turning away from Josh to stare out at the people again. “Had my heyday in the late 60s/early 70s and went out the same way I lived. Fast.”

Josh thought about the 60s and the 70s. He’d admit those decades were a bit of a guilty pleasure for him. Nashville had been fun, not as crowded. He watched her again, seeing her eyes narrow looking at the couples and the groups of friends.

“You weren’t from here?”

“LA. Broadway’s kinda like the Sunset Strip, just a bit more loser-y…NashVegas, just like Liv said.”

Josh was about to protest, but refrained, letting her reminisce. She did miss her friends from back then. They’d gotten up to so much trouble. Sometimes too much.

“Best of times, worst of times kind of thing y’a dig?” She tapped the heel of her boot like she was trying to shake off something unpleasant. “Just glad I had my dog for most of the time. He followed me everywhere and everyone’d let ‘im in because he was such a doll. Died ‘bout three years ‘fore me.”

The more she spoke the more her accent of a bygone era of California popped up. Josh couldn’t deny how sweet she sounded when she spoke about that thing, demonic as the pair of them were.

“How long’ve you’ve been up–er, down here?” She asked, barely realizing she had to correct for him.

Josh cast his eyes to the sky, thinking. “Since the beginning. That’s like, 8000 human years, I believe.”

“Get the fuck outta town!” She exclaimed, jumping in her seat to face him. Her eyes were alight with hellfire. “You’re a proper angel then?”

Josh chuckled. “They don’t really take new hires upstairs, I’m afraid. Only very special occasions. It doesn’t happen much these days.”

She regarded him for a moment, inventorizing him again now that she deemed him far more interesting than before. “Yeah, I was on a special list when I came down. Only a few others in my line, everyone else had to wait in this huge waiting room. It was…repulsive and I’ve been in the alley behind the Whisky.”

Josh tilted his head, looking over her once more. He felt like he should know her, but he couldn’t understand from where. She looked so familiar. Her hair seemed to shift every so often and he couldn’t be sure if it was the light or mood dependent. He didn’t prod at her mentioning the special treatment in Hell, didn’t want to alert her to the fact, that from what he knew, that was extremely rare.

“Have you told your demon friend about me yet?” She asked.

“He’s not my friend,” Josh responds automatically.

Her eyebrows raise as she turns her head back to him, scanning him for understanding. A killer upon its prey.

“Secret lover?” She guesses.

Josh can’t hide his face of disgust. “Jesus! No!”

“Homophobic?” She asks with a look of distaste. Not being for the gays was so not groovy. Half the musicians she hung out with back in the day were gay. And she wasn’t one for choosing when it came to sexuality.

“No!” Josh cries. “I am more than an ally to that cause, not that angels really have sexualities…it’s just.” He sighs, rubbing at his neck confusion. “He was, is–I don’t know, my twin.”

“Oh!” She beams, eyes once again lighting up in intrigue. She enjoyed learning things, it helped for using it against people at the end of the day. “So he’s also a proper demon. Fell and all that.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me.” He sounded pained, as if he was reliving the entire thing.

“Wow…” She blows out a breath. “That must be funky.”

She continued when Josh said nothing. “Y’know ‘cause he’s your brother but also he’s–” She finished her statement by sticking her pointer fingers through her hair and wiggling them around.

“Yes, I am aware.” Josh shakes his head.

She stood up and stretched her arms over her head, revealing her stomach below the flowy lace top she was wearing. “Great catch up, I guess, angel. Wanna trade tricks later? I’ve already worked through most of the main bars here and I’m getting bored.” Nothing was keeping her interest, since every place she had to transform into her liking.

“You want to hang out with me? You want to hang out with an angel?”

She grinned, turning around herself once before dropping her arms and stalking back towards Josh, standing directly in front of him. She leaned over him, watching him straighten his neck and swallow thickly. His eyes flickered from her face to the carnelian again.

“Everyone else is too easy around here. I need a challenge.” Her lips were right in front of his. “You seem like the perfect remedy for a wayward soul like me.”

Josh wasn’t exactly sure why he agreed to meet the demon at some speakeasy she said she needed to try. He wasn’t fully sold on calling her ‘Sal’, something about it felt off to him. She didn’t even really seem to care for it either. Jake, he knew, was vehement that he wished to be called Jake.

Jake was probably why he had come to the back door of a pizza joint that was actually the door to the underground speakeasy. He’d asked for more information on her. When Josh had inquired why Jake couldn’t just do it himself, his twin finally fessed up that he was actually not currently in Nashville at all. Leaving the heavy lifting to Josh, like always.

Begrudgingly, Josh entered another bar with plans to meet a demon. Heaven forgive him. It was smokey inside the brick-walled cavern. Small candles lit the tabletops and narrow bar top. A small dance floor was packed as people danced slowly to a jazz band. In the corner of the room, he saw her hair almost glowing in the dark and he made his way over.

She was dressed in a black pantsuit, with no undershirt, just a black lace bra and her same necklace. Rori wasn’t present, from what Josh could see, but based on their conversation earlier he had a feeling the demon dog was around, lurking.

She groaned when she saw what Josh was wearing.

“Angel, man, do you have any other clothes besides that?” She shook her head in disappointment.

“Of course I do,” Josh huffed, looking down at his clothes not understanding what was wrong with them.

“Change.”

“I can’t perform miracles just to change my outfit. That’s wrong.”

“That’s wrong, it’s wrong,” She parrots what she thought was becoming Josh’s mantra. “God, Heaven sounds so stifling.” She rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers with impatience.

In an instant, Josh was dressed in a red velvet jumpsuit with sequins around the neckline. His arms were on full display, muscles bulging while the velvet hugged his torso and lengthened his height. He smooths at his hair and feels something come off his skin. On his hand, he sees glitter. He looks at her again and then down at his new clothes. She was eyeing the bulge veering to his right thigh.

“Much better.” She grins.

Josh rolls his hand in front of him quickly, almost like a benediction, and once again his outfit has changed. Now, he was in a cream and grey jumpsuit that was far less flashy of his own with his favorite sigil emblazoned on the chest. He left the glitter and sat down.

Her unamused look makes Josh feel a little hot with shame.

“A little miracle to make sure I don’t look like a demon can be forgiven.”

“You looked foxy but whatever.” She rolls her eyes and flicks a hand at the table, producing a bottle of red wine for both of them. “You drink, surely. C’mon, don’t act like your demon brother hasn’t corrupted a few of those precious angel feathers.”

Josh can’t help the smile that falls over his face. Not sure what was so endearing about her at this moment. The romantic jazz might have something to do with it. He loved jazz. He takes the drink gratefully and they sip in companionable silence. She was subdued.

With one bottle down, they start a second and this is when she offers to show Josh a trick if he’ll show her something again. He shrugs in compliance, feeling well on his way to drunk.

“But won’t the other people in here see?” He adds.

“No, they all know to mind their own business. Plus, it’s dark in here.” She winks and suddenly Josh is staring at only her head.

He can seriously only see her head and neck. She moves closer to him and now Josh is certain, she’s made her body disappear. She was a dishonest-to-god floating head. Her head glowed gold for a moment as she twirled in a complete 360 to really show herself off. Josh’s eyes were as wide as possible trying not to cry out in amazement. Then the rest of her body reappeared, straddling Josh’s lap. With her arms draped over his shoulder, her all black soulless eyes gazed into Josh’s, practically paralyzing him with her fiery warmth and intensity.

“So what do you think, angel?”

“I, uh,” Josh stuttered. He placed his hands firmly on her hips and moved her off of him. “That’s impressive. What’s it good for?”

“S just fun,” She shrugged, undetered by Josh removing her from his lap. “Let’s dance and then you can show me your wings or something.”

Josh didn’t have time to protest, as she grabbed his wrist with one hand and their second bottle of pinot noir in the other.

She took a swig before letting it float in the air beside them. Her body swiveled around the dance floor, placing herself in Josh’s arms as he swayed respectfully. She sighed and sunk into the movement, drinking from the bottle every so often. When the song changed, she turned to face Josh, handing the wine to him. He drank obediently, which she felt was a triumph.

Hands draped over his shoulders again, she pressed her body against his. He was strong, she could feel his toned stomach. Her regular eyes met his and she tipped her nose against his. He looked stoicly back at her, determined to be friendly but not fall into the trap she was so clearly laying for him.

“You’ve got so many defenses up,” She whispers. “Why not do what you want for once? Loosen up. Indulge.”

Josh smiles down at her and moves his lips to her ear. Polite as ever, he speaks soothingly. “I am having a lovely time with you, Sal.”

She groans, pressing his hands to her hips again, where the curve of her ass was. “I can gaurantee you’ve never had what I’m offering you…”

Josh smiles knowingly, unconvinced. “I’m afraid I’m above your temptations. Is seduction your main area of expertise?”

She glares at him, but there’s a glint in her eye. She loved the chase. The difficulty.

“Debauchery in general, but with how many people wanted to have sex with me in my first life I have a specialization in seduction and desire.”

He shrugs, moving his hands to a respectful place on her waist. His touch is light, but she feels the pressure of his thumbs pushing at the exposed skin. She smirks and snakes her lips up to his ear.

The gold hoop glints and she flicks her tongue over it. “I could just show you what you’re missing. If you’d allow me to put it in your mind, we wouldn’t actually do it. You’d be in complete control. Halo intact. C’mon just a few images…it’ll be informative.”

Josh sighs as the tug of her teeth on his earring. She was bad. Terribly good at her job. He understood why she was here. Jake wasn’t even in town. Damn him. If he did his job a little better, Josh wouldn’t be contemplating allowing a demon into even a small recess of his mind. But, Jesus, did he want to just see it. If it wasn’t real, it wasn’t really a sin to indulge.

She stares at him, waiting for his response. Her hands run over his shoulders and chest. The music swells and Josh’s hands tighten on her waist as he looks up to the ceiling, praying for forgiveness.

“For educational purposes,” He starts and she grins. “I will allow you to show me how you do your job. So that I may be able to thwart your wrongdoings better.”

“It’s just a little sex,” She licks her lips. “Igniting passion in people makes more babies for you to teach heavenly values or whatever. God likes sex, Josh.” Her voice is sickening, it was like she was dripping in a delicious scent that Josh can’t get out of his head. Twisting his values and her intentions into something evil that somehow made wicked sense.

He’s been careful to only open up a small piece he knows he can close, but he almost loses his footing when he finally feels her stinging lips on his. She licks into his mouth and he’s about to protest before the images begin to flow through his mind.

‘Good thing your brother doesn’t have to transfer information like this, huh?’ Sal says within Josh’s mind.

Guiltily, he feels himself laughing. Though his physical body is still locking lips with her.

The room she brings him to in his mind is dark, a red lamp in the corner where two bodies are rolling around. Sighs of ecstasy filling his ears. The smell of sex hanging in his nose.

‘You’re really missing out, angel. Could show you the best thing life, and death, has to offer.’ Her voice is softer in his mind.

The scene changes. He’s staring up at her above him. Her hips are working over him steadily as her naked breasts bounce in front of him, her necklace is the glowing light now. Her voice is sinful as she moans praises for Josh. How good he feels, how big he is, how strong he is. The scene changes and he’s driving into her with her legs over his shoulders, she’s smiling sweetly up at him with her mouth open, repeating his name like a prayer. It shifts and she’s pressed face down in the grey silk pillows, her body spread out for him as he grunts and growls, thrusting ceremoniously into her as she screams for him to keep going. It’s melodic, every bodily sound and the scene of their physical bodies uniting is hypnotic. Like it was pre-ordained that he would fit so well inside her. He feels euphoric as it shifts once more. She is back on top, his hips press up into her as she grinds down. Their faces are pressed together as Josh holds her body close to him. Arms enveloping her fragile frame. The room is quiet as they are pressed skin to skin, her lips meeting his gently. Sharp gasps escape their trembling lips.

‘Okay, enough,’ Josh pushes away from the scene, feeling both aroused and confused.

In the speakeasy, she pulls back from the kiss with a wipe of her lips. She runs her hands through her hair as she watches Josh. She had shown him every one of his fantasies, placing herself at the center of them. They weren’t particularly raunchy, it was all about connection to him and for once she didn’t tease.

“I like you, Joshua,” She says, truthfully, allowing him to pull their bodies a little apart.

He was flustered and confused and embarrassed, but he also didn’t want to run. She had kept her word, shown him a few things and left. He didn’t fully understand the words she had just spoken.

He shakes his head, an awkward smile on his lips there on accident, and she stares at him wistfully.

“I haven’t had someone in my mind in a very long time.”

“It’s okay,” She soothes. “You really are an angel. Maybe on this earthly plane for too long since you clearly have carnal desires, but they were sweet. Every man’s mind I’ve looked into had vile and cruel desires…” She paused, looking past Josh. “Even in my first life, all the men I knew wanted to hurt the women they supposedly loved.”

Josh’s eyebrows shot up in shock.

“The closest you got to dirty was having me in do–”

“Okay!” Josh cut her off. “I think it’s time to call it a night.” He turned and walked swiftly through the crowd, parting easily for him–definitely not a misuse of his miracles.

“Fine,” She grinned wickedly and whistled for Rori, sauntering after Josh.

Back on the street, it could’ve been daytime with all the lights compared to the speakeasy. She squinted her eyes in distaste, thriving in the dark and wishing she had brought her sunglasses.

Josh was turned away from her so she tapped on his shoulder, wanting his attention. Wanting to see him again. He turned slowly and the look on his cherubic face was troubled. She frowned, about to ask what got his wings in a twist.

A shadow stepped into Josh’s light. His hair was long and messy, in need of a wash. His silver jewelry shined heavy on his tanned chest. His black button up was almost completely open exposing his torso and he held a wide-brimmed black hat loosely in one hand and a guitar case more carefully in the other. His eyes flashed yellow when he spotted Y/N.

She straightened her posture under his gaze and gave him a defiant look. Rori growled, but stayed behind her legs.

Jake ran his tongue over his bottom lip, taking in the woman shaped devil before him. “You must be the new demon in town.”

She tilted her head at him and looked between Josh and Jake. “And you must be your brother’s keeper.”

He took a menacing step closer, narrowing his eyes at his angel of a brother before returning his gaze to her. “Something like that. Now, farewell…or don’t, I don’t care.”

She opened her mouth to speak again but no sound came out.

His eyes flashed again as he turned on his heel and said tersely, a command, “Josh.”

The pair disappeared into fog that had appeared as suddenly as the older demon along the nighttime sidewalk and then she watched it dissipate moments later, leaving no trace of the creatures. The men. The angel and the demon.

to be continued... join the taglist

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