#there’s a reason I work two jobs and lately I’ve been working ZERO because of all of this.
Text
.
#I was going to write today after work since I’m feeling better#but now I’m crying instead because I can’t go in. I was literally on my out the door when surprise! my brother whom I live with just tested#positive for COVID. and our mother whom we also live with is still recovering from it herself. she tested positive a few days ago.#I haven’t earned money in weeks now and I am literally having a breakdown over this. I NEED the money what the fuck am I supposed to do.#there’s a reason I work two jobs and lately I’ve been working ZERO because of all of this.#✧ ; ᵃʷᵃʸ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵐʸ ᵈᵉˢᵏ (.ooc)
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi, I’ve been curious about Hercules Mulligan’s inclusion in the Rev Set ever since I have seen posts saying that one of the other aids like Meade and Tilgman or Tallmadge (if Herc was added solely for spy stuff) would have been a better choice. Id love to hear your thoughts on this.
Also, (terribly sorry if this insults any Mullette shippers) but do you know why people ship Mullette? (Correct me if I’m wrong) but these two have had zero historical relations. In addition, I don’t remember from the last time I saw musical but if you do, what was Laf and Herc’s relationship onstage?
So sorry about this super long ask. I just felt like you would be the best person to ask. Tysm and I hope you have a wonderful day!😊
Aw, this is such a cool question! And you're really nice, anon! I wish you the best! I would also like to make it very clear right now to anyone else who wants to send me a long ask. I love long asks. They give me more to ramble about!
When I was first getting into studying the real history behind the musical two years ago, this same thing confused me heaps. Mainly because we have no proof that Lafayette or Laurens ever even met Mulligan, let alone became good friends with him and he wasn't particularly close to Hamilton either for most of the war (I mean, in the continental army, he would've barely seen Hamilton, and the other aides would have been around him all day). Hamilton lived with him when he was in college, and they got along really well, had fun late-night conversations, just overall were great friends who influenced eachother in positive ways and Mulligan's chats with him definitely made young Hamilton more enthusiastic about the revolutionary cause. Additionally, Hercules Mulligan was part of his artillery company, The Hearts Of Oak or the Corsicans - Mulligan's the whole reason why we know the story of 18 year old Hamilton stealing British cannons with his volunteers is because of the recount of that night that Mulligan later wrote - however, for the rest of the war they just didn't interact with one another much.
They had their separate jobs, and they did them well. Hamilton was confined to his own quaters and the aide-de-camp tent, Mulligan was hanging around British camps and the battlefield doing exactly what Hamilton wanted to do. The relationship between the two was completely different from how Hamilton, Laurens, and Lafayette were through most of the war. Working together, seeing each other just about every other day, creating the same drafts and plans; Especially Laurens and Hamilton as Lafayette got some more 'exciting' jobs because of his rank as a Major General. But out of the bunch, Mulligan really sticks out like a sore thumb, historically the group was called the gay trio and for a good 3 quaters of the war it was just them all together. So why on earth would Lin Manuel Miranda add a fourth to the trio? It very well could be that like you said, he wanted everyone in the main group to have a different role that was integral to how the Continental army ran (Lafayette commanding, Hamilton writing, Laurens battling (?) and Mulligan spying) but I ended up reaching the conclusion that because the musical starts in 1776 while Hamilton was still in college - in the musical at least, presumably, but because of the way events are swapped around with eachother and happen at all the wrong times it's a bit difficult to tell what time things happened in the musical like I believe that when it starts Hamilton's meant to be in college and not yet a soldier however Hamilton left college to make his militia thing in 1775 and he stole the cannons in 1775 however the musical shows this happening after Aaron Burr, Sir and at the start if that song they make it very clear that it's meant to be 1776 which also means that Hamilton and Mulligan should've already known each other, I digress, I could ramble about how the way the musical timeline is makes no sense for years - , they wanted to show someone who was really important to him at that age, and they just kept him with the group for the rest of the show to avoid confusion as to why he disappeared or so that they wouldn't have to introduce another character (like why they used Jefferson instead of Monroe for the Reynolds pamphlet).
I don't know about using Tallmadge as a substitute though, given that I haven't read of any interactions between him and Hamilton or him and Laurens historically, I haven't read of any between him and Lafayette either, but it seems more likely that they would've spoken given Lafayette's position as a major general. It's entirely possible that the trio had heard of him but never actually met him given that I believe that I read somewhere that the whole trio knew of the Culper Spy Ring and a lot of what they would've heard to do with the Culper Spy Ring would have related to Benjamin Tallmadge in some way or other because he was the co-founder of the group. Meade and Tilghman would be good to swap Mulligan for, but then it doesn't make sense that he was talking to them in college (although Laurens and Lafayette didn't meet Hamilton when he was 19 either and like I mentioned earlier, Mulligan should have already known him so with the logic of the Hamilton musical they could be in the main group, yes). If my theory is correct then it would make sense why none of the more historically accurate quadrios were chosen, if they wanted someone who was close to Hamilton in his college years who still fought in the revolutionary war; then Mulligan would've been a great fit.
I'm going to guess that Mullette is one of those ships where people went, 'Hmm, I have ships for every other character but these too, and they seem close enough (in the musical that is), so I'll pair them together!'. Y'know, one of those pair-the-spares kind of things that people who are really into shipping do. Additionally. I believe you're correct; it has to have been an 100% musical fandom ship originally because if there was even just a little bit of historical evidence to back it up, then we'd know for a fact that Lafayette and Mulligan knew each other. Oh, and as someone who has seen the musical rather recently (late may last year) in the show, Lafayette and Mulligan didn't interact much, but they did come across as good friends and for some very creative people, those crumbs of interactions are enough to develop whole stories and relationships and I applaud those people, the way they create so much out of so little is amazing. Personally, I don't like any ships that don't have even a semblance of historical backing because I'm definitely an amrev fan before I'm a Hamilton musical fan (I still love the musical, I just value the real history more). People can like what they like though; I won't judge.
I'll always think Mullette's funny because here in Australia recently it's become a trend again for young boys and men to get mullets and I can't read the name without thinking of some crazy looking mullets that I've seen. Thanks for the ask, Anon! It was super fun to answer :D
Sincerely,
O-P/Milly
(I apologise if I come across as rude, I've struggled with tones my whole life)
#mullette#mulligan#hercules mulligan#lafayette#marquis de lafayette#hamilton fanart#historical hamilton#hamilton#amrev#american revolution#american revolutionary war#american history#revolutionary war#history
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
T-04-29: “Tickle-Me Wiggly” (Lobotomy Corp. x Hatchetfield Fan Abnormality)
So yeah, turns out the reason why I’ve been writing so little is actually because I’ve been writing fan Abnos!
I actually have a few more of these sitting in my notes- this is just the first one I finished. Naturally, it has to be Wiggly: Black Friday Wiggly, specifically! Might make a few more for his brothers if this gets popular enough.
Anyways, it’s getting late and writing all this really knocked the wind outta me, so without further ado:
“And those people, those sheeple, the tall and the small, will fall, and they’ll crawl, and they’ll brawl for a doll.”
The Abnormality takes the form of a small green plush toy with tentacles instead of a mouth, sitting on a shelf in the Containment Unit.
Basic Information
Risk Classification: ALEPH
Work Damage: White
Max. E Boxes: 30
Good Mood Range: 22-30
Normal Mood Range: 21-11
Bad Mood Range: 0-10
Max. Qliphoth Counter: None
Managerial Guidelines
1. When the Work Process ended, there was a chance that the Agent took Tickle-Me Wiggly with them outside of the Containment Unit.
2. The higher the Agent’s Temperance, the lower the chance of this effect occurring became. However, no matter how high it becomes, there will always be a small chance that the Agent is affected.
3. When Tickle-Me Wiggly was outside of its containment unit for too long, employees all over the facility began to suffer constant White damage, starting with the ones closest to the Abnormality. However, Agents with 100+ Temperance were immune to this effect.
4. When an employee’s Sanity Meter reached zero because of White damage dealt by Tickle-Me Wiggly, they began attacking everything around them while searching for the Agent holding the Abnormality. This state was designated as “Frenzied”.
5. If a sane employee’s Sanity Meter reached zero because of White damage dealt by a Frenzied employee, the same effect as above was observed.
6. When a Frenzied employee found the Agent holding Tickle-Me Wiggly, the two fought. If the Agent died, the employee took the Abnormality from them.
7. Once a Frenzied employee’s Sanity Meter was restored to its maximum by a sane Agent, they returned to normal.
8. The sanity of the employee currently holding Tickle-Me Wiggly could not be restored. Because of this, the Manager must order the Agents to execute the Frenzied employee.
Work Preferences
(I have no idea how I’m gonna make this layout work on Tumblr but here we go)
Instinct Insight Attachment Repression
I : High Very Low High Common
II : High Very Low High Common
III : High Low High Common
IV : High Common Common Low
V : High Common Low Very Low
Process Information (flavour text)
Instinct - The Agent tells Wiggly all about their job and life, trying to avoid admitting how unsatisfied they are with it at all costs to protect the company.
Insight - The Agent manages Wiggly’s preferred environment in the Containment Unit. Its lighting must remain dim, with most light stemming from fairy lights or glow-in-the-dark stars. Only then is the Abnormality at its most satisfied, claiming it reminds him of home.
Attachment - The Agent engages in what can only be described as a 20-minute tickle session with Wiggly as their target. No, this is not a joke.
Repression - The Agent sticks red pins in Wiggly while doing their best to shut out the death threats he curses out at them.
E.G.O. Equipment
Gift (Observation Level 3)
Feast or Famine (Helmet)
A golden crown endowed with small blue gems.
Drop Chance: 1%
Effects: +12 HP, -5 SP (+5 Movement Speed and Attack Speed when worn with the corresponding EGO suit)
Suit (Observation Level 4)
Feast or Famine (ALEPH suit)
A suit made almost entirely of dark green tentacles, with a red ribbon in place of a tie.
Red Defenses: 1.2
White Defenses: 0.2
Black Defenses: 0.3
Pale Defenses: 0.5
Requirement: V Fortitude, V Temperance
Cost: 120
Max. Amount: 1
Weapon (Observation Level 4)
Feast or Famine (ALEPH Whip)
A black, four-thonged whip with a green hilt. This weapon is a unique type as there are no other specimens of its kind currently known.
Damage (White): 8-18
Attack Range: Short
Attack Speed: Fast
Special Ability: Every five attacks, the whip’s damage range spreads to every target in the room currently facing the Agent. The attack will restore SP to not only Agents, but also any passive non-Agent entities (such as Rabbits and passive Abnormalities).
Requirements: V Fortitude, V Temperance
Cost: 200
Max. Amount: 1
Story
The Abnormality takes the form of a plush toy resembling a green tentacled monster. On its back is a tag identifying the toy as having been manufactured by an unknown company apparently named “Uncle Wiley’s Toys”.
The doll itself consistently remains motionless no matter what it is subjected to. However, when an Agent enters the Containment Unit, the Abnormality begins to communicate with them through telepathy.
It calls itself ‘Tickle-Me Wiggly’, and regularly engages in casual conversation with staff. It “speaks” in a babyish manner, as if addressing a child, and regularly asks employees how satisfied they are with their life.
When it does so, it is imperative that Agents always respond positively.
If it senses that an employee is unsatisfied with their lives at the moment, it will attempt to form a “bond”. It is unknown how this “bonding” works, but if it succeeds, the bonded Agent will become obsessed with Wiggly, revering him like a god and violently attacking everyone who speaks against him.
If you suspect that a co-worker has become bonded with Wiggly, report it to your department’s Sephirah immediately and they will be properly disposed of.
If an Agent has taken Wiggly out of his Containment Unit, dispose of the Agent immediately, burn the doll, and return its charred remains to the Containment Unit.
—
(The next two corresponding documents can only be access by Level 5 or higher employees.)
For a long time, nobody knew where Wiggly came from.
Agents thought he was just that: an unsightly, unsettling children’s toy that says violent things occasionally, but is relatively harmless.
Until the day came that, after a particularly successful Instinct work, Wiggly told an Agent a secret. They returned from the Containment Unit with a smile on their face, and even after suppressing a WAW Ordeal with quite a few casualties, showed a considerable lack of mental corruption.
Once the day was over, however, the company was surprised to see that the reports the Agent sent in regarding Wiggly previously that night were written in an indecipherable language.
The next day, the very same Agent constructed an alter in the middle of their home department, spreading misinformation and religious propaganda whilst constantly switching between English and complete gibberish suspected to be the aforementioned language, before finally opening the door to the Containment Unit and returning with Wiggly in hand.
All they had to do was make eye contact with it, and suddenly, the mental corruption of almost all employees in the department near-instantly became 0. When all was said and done, the Agent died, and we very narrowly avoided losing half of the facility’s total employees.
It took far more time and resources than we would have liked, but eventually we were able to roughly translate the previously-mentioned Agent’s final report on Wiggly into understandable text:
—
When I entered his prison today, he was looking at me with a smile on his face.
The process started out normally. He asked me what was wrong with my life, and when I answered truthfully, promised me he would do everything in his power to fix it.
He told me that he had grown attached to me in the time we had spent together. Asked me if he could tell me a secret, to which I obliged and leaned in closer. At first, I thought it was just some gibberish language… but once he told me his name, suddenly I understood, just like that.
With those words, a whole new reality was opened up to me. I saw Him. The face of God, ancient and welcoming. The Father, a beast. The Son, a doll. And the Holy Spirit, a beautiful, inky ocean enveloping this doomed world, ready to wrap it in His tentacles and cleanse it of all sin.
I haven’t seen this place the same way since. And I don’t want to. Now, for the first time in my life, I can work in peace knowing He will be watching over me, in all His holy glory.
The others aren’t so lucky. They’re still stuck in their cages, with no knowledge of Him or just how beautiful He really is. He has the power to set us all free, and yet nobody realises, because nobody believes.
Nobody but me.
In wake of this information, I have decided that I shall be His prophet. I shall set my darling coworkers free from their abyssal cages, and once they have all seen the light, we will depart this doomed world and join Him in the Black.
This company is doomed, as is this world. But with Him by my side, it doesn’t have to be.
The Lords in Black call us. All hail Wiggog Y’rath.
—
Flavour Text
During Work
“And those people, those sheeple, the tall and the small, will fall, and they’ll crawl, and they’ll brawl for a doll.”
‘A tag on Tickle-Me Wiggly’s back states he was manufactured by a company called Uncle Wiley’s Toys. Nobody recognises the name, but it’s clear he was made with a lot of love and care put into him.’
‘Tickle-Me Wiggly has a soft and squishy design unlike anything you’ve ever seen in a toy before.’
‘Tickle-Me Wiggly enjoys talking with Agents about their lives.’
‘Tickle-Me Wiggly came from a place deep, deep within a dark, drowsy void.’
‘Tickle-Me Wiggly starts telling <employee’s name> about his little brothers.’
‘To ensure the wellbeing of everyone here, it’s best to make sure a cautious employee works on Tickle-Me Wiggly.’
‘Just because something is still, that does not mean it isn’t alive.’
“Being asleep and dreaming is just being awake, but in another world.”
Spoken
(When the Manager zooms into the Containment Unit while no one’s working on it)
“Hello, Mr. Mani-wazz. Are you here to give me a new fwendy-wend?”
“We both know you can’t ignore me forever. Your pally-wals certainly don’t.”
“You have a job to do, don’t you? Why not send someone in?”
“Why don’t you get off that seat and come down here, with me? I’m sure we’d be very good fwendy-wends.”
(When an Agent is working on it)
“I think we’re going to be very good fwendy-wends, <employee’s name>.”
“I wish you could come back here more often, <employee’s name>. I always enjoy our little chats.”
“I’ve spent enough time in your home here. Why not, someday, you come down to visit mine?”
“You would get along just swell with my brothers, <employee’s name>. Let me tell you about them…”
“What wonders await you down in Drowsy Town…”
(When an Agent takes it outside the Containment Unit)
“So this is your quaint home. How charming… but I know a place you’d like even more.”
“I’ve only met a few of your fwendy-wends, <employee’s name>. Why not introduce these ones to me?”
“I’m sure I’ll fit in just fine in this place. Your pally-wals love me already…”
(When employees start entering Frenzy mode)
“*giggle!* See? They couldn’t love me more!”
“*cackle* CHAOS REIGNS!”
“So many sheeple, desperate to get their hands on me… I wonder how that happened?”
“Don’t hold it against them, Mr. Mani-wazz. After all, you never should settle for the lifetime that is handed to you…”
(When the Agent holding it is being attacked by other Frenzied employees)
“Take what you want, return what you get!”
“Thank you so much for taking me outside, <employee’s name>. But now, it’s bedtime… and not for me, that is.”
“Do you think you can take care of them, <employee’s name>? We’ll see how well that goes.”
(When a Frenzied Agent somewhere in the facility has their Sanity restored)
“You really think you can win against me so easily?”
“Resisting a Lord in Black is no easy feat, you know! Resisting me… is more of an impossibility.”
“*sigh* My brothers are probably laughing their asses off…”
(When sane Agents attempt to suppress the employee holding Tickle-Me Wiggly)
“What makes you think you can defeat me?! <employee’s name> can take care of your pawns with ease… erm, you can, right, <employee’s name>?”
“I know you’re watching me, Mr. Manager! When I find you after this, you’ll only wish the others got to you first!”
“You should feel lucky you even got this far. I’ll take my kingdom back easily!”
(When all Frenzied employees are suppressed)
“WHAT?! No… no, I haven’t lost yet! YOU MAY HAVE WON THE BATTLE, BUT THE WAR’S NOT OVER!”
“When I come back, I am going to shove my tentacles so far down your throat they come out your sorry ass. That’s a promise!”
“Rgh… fine. But just know I won’t forget this, Mr. Manager! I’ll come back! I always do…”
“Those little shits… YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, DON’T YOU?!”
(When the Manager uses a Reduced Mobility Bullet on the employee holding it)
“…Oh, you’re no fun at all.”
“Do you seriously think that’s going to stop me?”
“Boring. Maybe use the Execution Bullet, I’m sure it’ll help.”
(When the Manager attempts to use an Execution Bullet on the employee holding it)
“What? You actually thought I would let that work?”
“Oh, poor Mani-wazz. The creatures here must have seriously muddled your brain if you actually thought that would do something.”
“…You know, in all my eons of existence, I’ve never met someone with worse critical thinking skills than you.”
(When the employee holding it encounters CENSORED)
“…Oh! Hello, K’Gwijan-sycok. Didn’t expect to see you here.”
(When it encounters WhiteNight, its Apostles, or Blue Star)
“Yuck. And this is the work of a creature that calls itself a god? It doesn’t even know the meaning of the word.”
(When it encounters the passive-breaching Queen of Hatred)
“How disgusting. This woman genuinely thinks she can defy me?”
(When it encounters the hostile Queen of Hatred)
“Now this is something more my speed!”
(When it encounters Rudolta of the Sleigh)
“What’s this? A fellow holiday horror, come to wish me a happy birthday?”
(When all Agents are dead or panicking)
“Thank you so much for the help, Mr. Mani-wazz! I’m sure you’ll love it down in the Black…”
—
Whew. I… I think that’s all of it?
#hatchetfield#starkid#team starkid#lords in black#wiggly#wiggog y’rath#wiggog y'wrath#project moon#lobotomy corp#lobotomy corporation#lob corp#lob corp fan abnormality#fan abnormality#fan abno#black friday
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
tag games :)
Woooo thanks for tagging me @the-cloud-whisperer!! :) I’ve never done one of these before!
* Last song I listened to: Telephone Number by Junko Ohashi (classic city pop bop)
* Favorite color: Forest green - I painted my home office this color and it’s very calming (plus gives off hobbit vibes)
* Currently watching: Dungeon Meshi, didn’t expect to like it as much as I do but I look forward to every new ep and even binged the manga the other day :)
* Spicy/savory/sweet: Savory all the way, can’t handle too much spicy or sweet at a time T-T
* Relationship status: Married
* Current obsession: Strongest and longest running special interest is A:tLA since 2007, specifically Zukaang now ever since late 2021 when I had an epiphany about the ship and started writing The Avatar and the Fire Prince :)
-------------
🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨
* Take A Chance With Me - NIKI (literally fits Zukaang so well so I listen to it a lot)
* Lovegod - Sarah Kinsley (the piano in this makes me feel so nostalgic and gives me extreme Debussy vibes)
* Naked in Manhattan - Chappell Roan (sapphic bop)
* That’s Me - Gnoss (celtic music is just 🤌🏻✨ i love it so much)
* Bewitched - Laufey (I feel like im in an old disney movie when I listen to this)
-----------------
nickname: KJ
zodiac sign : gemini, but none of the gemini traits fit with my personality so I don’t much believe in astrology lol. if I’d have been born just a day or two later I’d be a cancer and much more inclined to believe in it bc it fits me way better
height : 5'4"
last thing I googled: tripleS members (a kpop group my sister recently introduced me to lol)
amount of sleep: usually 6-7 hours, I recently got diagnosed with mild sleep apnea so I wake up literally every hour or two and i have to use a cpap 😔
dream job: hmm well I guess I’m working it right now (I’m a therapist)? when I was a kid I wanted to be on broadway (I was big into musical theater/choir)… now I honestly kinda don’t really “enjoy” working in general even though there are parts of my job that I enjoy. I honestly get the most satisfaction out of doing things I like for my own enjoyment (like writing and drawing) rather than for monetary gain.
movie/book that describes me the most: uhhhhhh I guess I’d say LotR, I very much relate to Frodo lol (which is one of the reasons he’s my pfp on my main blog). I also love its portrayal of wholesome masculinity and kindness/goodness conquering all.
favorite song: hard to choose… there’s literally so many I like lol. I really love 1of1 (both the album and the song) by SHINee (my fave kpop group)
favorite instrument: I would say the mandolin or the fiddle
favorite aesthetics: I really enjoy the vibe of whimsigoth, though my personal style does not incorporate it. I attempted it a couple years ago but felt it was too femme - nowadays I wear “fashionable” men’s clothes (layers, button-ups, men’s jeans)
favorite author: Charlotte Brontë simply because I love Jane Eyre so much. She made me feel so many emotions with that novel 😭 I related to Jane a bit too much
random fun fact: hmmmm well I was the lead in two different musicals when I was in high school which was pretty neat! I mentioned somewhere above that I wanted to be on broadway growing up so that’s the closest i’ve gotten to that lmao
Gonna tag some of y’all if you wanna play (no pressure tho) :)
@finn0cchio @my-cabbages-gorl @veggiesforpresident @buncly13 @asukas-numberone-defender @zeno-zero @rennelelorren @gordielaweirdo @isthei @kirinjaegeste
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Been listening to a podcast with an episode on how the NHS establishment responded with opioid prescriptions controls following the discovery of the Shipman murders. Then a really interesting bit on how the US hadn’t had that in the late 1990s-early 2000s and thus kept prescribing strong opioids.
The original statisticians who noticed the “opioid crisis” in the US noticed it as accidental overdoses alongside alongside suicides and liver failure as skyrocketing causes of death amongst white USians aged 45-60. They referred to the trio as “Deaths of Despair”.
And I thought about just *how much* I’ve heard about the “Opioid Crisis” in two ways; to shame “addictive behaviour” and “junkie tendencies” amongst the poor in the US (with some particularly horrendous bits of racism in there) in the general news and culture, and from within the disabled community as it’s become basically impossible for chronically ill and disabled people to get the pain control they need to do anything, or just to live not in agony. And I’ve seen that attitude making it to the UK too - the idea that people using opioid medication for pain control and to enable us to do *some* things are clearly “addicts” or “drug seekers”.
I’ve never heard the term “Deaths of Despair” before now. And it’s *really* good copy. I’ve been a copywriter enough to know that when I hear it. It should have been all over the media.
So why isn’t it?
Is it just perhaps because it’s much easier to just make it impossible for disabled people to access medication that gives some quality of life and demonise poor people as “addicts” and “junkies” than to address the fact that the US healthcare system in particular is not fit for purpose, people living in poverty generally don’t have health insurance, and thus if they don’t work, they can’t afford to live? Let alone access healthcare? So so many people have zero choice but to find a way to work through any injury or illness, and strong opioids are one way to do so? And that because real wages have been falling in relation to housing and food prices, unstable temp work has become the only work available to millions of people, the need to work ridiculous hours in low paid jobs that destroy even formerly abled bodies, the number of people this applies to has only been growing since 2008?
Is it perhaps *not* coincidence that the only one that has a reasonably “quick fix” - make it nightmarishly difficult to prescribe opioid medication and up the War On Drugs - is focused on while the others are buried?
Drug (including alcohol) addiction is a symptom - sometimes of illness or disability where other treatments aren’t accessible to that person, or don’t even exist, sometimes of a life that isn’t bearable without them. Which usually means exploitation, inequality, marginalisation, isolation, lack of access to education, lack of access to a supportive community, and trauma. That can lead to ODs, suicide and liver disease.
Isn’t it interesting how those facts aren’t being focused on?
#disabled#disability#disableism#chronic illness#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#unfit us healthcare system#deaths of despair#societal disableism#addiction is a disease and you can fuck off if you don’t agree
17 notes
·
View notes
Note
I’m confused about something and you’re an mgsv expert so I’m asking you. when did kaz actually lose his limbs bc I always assumed it was during the torture by the soviets? I saw people saying that he lost them during the skulls attack in afghanistan and some were saying he lost them during the heli crash? (one might say he wouldn’t have trained the afghan fightwrs with two missing limbs but then again he did train solid snake or maybe he just gave verbal instructions) I at first didn’t like the heli theory but he did talk about the msf attack to venom while touching his sleeve so maybe it’s true? also sorry if it is a dumb question, I’ve only actively listened to half of the tapes so maybe I missed something
Hello Anon!
‘Expert’ feels exceptionally generous but thank you! It’s something I don’t think has ever been given a super clear answer here, but I will say I don’t believe he lost them in the crash. My guess is either The Skulls or torture, but I lean slightly more towards the possibility of The Skulls.
I’ll admit freely the reasoning I’m going to give for not believing it to be from the crash is open to debate but here’s an image from some of the MGSV Official Art:
The bio information of particular interest is this:
“Black Ops Field Work”. It is not impossible for someone to be in the field in Kaz’s condition but it would be exceptionally difficult. While you make a good point to Kaz instructing Snake in the mid to late 90s, I’ll point out acting as an instructor is different from being in the field. It’s not unheard of for military and military adjacent soldiers and officers to move to instructor, teacher, or desk job when the field is no longer an option, but they’re not bad off enough for an honorable discharge or early retirement. (I am not entirely certain how accurate this is these days however).
Moving further, I note that general reactions (from Kaz himself and others) point to a more recent incident. If he had been injured that severely, I don’t think it would hmm..feel as immediately ‘raw’ to him.
Also, note this information from the secret Zero and Kaz tape:
Zero: “You weren’t in hospital long, I had trouble finding you.”
If Kaz had been missing two limbs as early as this scene here (post crash video) I think he would’ve been in the hospital much longer than “Not long.”
Noting the touch of the sleeve when he is describing the MSF attack, I think he may possibly be associating it all as loss in general, or even because the arm is what Venom himself lost, but I will leave it open as something I currently lack the ability to answer this one clearly.
If the Skulls did it, this would align to how Kaz originally described the attack in the tapes, especially for his note of “their arms and legs rained down around us.”
There’s also the probability that, if they were attacked by them, they wield metallic archaea swords. Which we know is hot enough to eviscerate anything in its path. Could this also cauterize a wound? Not cleanly, not medically or efficiently. But could they in a horrifically messy, largely fatal way? Maybe.
Finally, as for it being The Soviet’s, this is possible for a few reasons. I’d ask you to refer to the post here about the capture possibly being pre determined by Kaz and Ocelot but for a more concise answer, ‘limb removal’ as a torture technique is not unheard of. However, it can go wrong fast.
If you’re familiar with gangrene, then you already know what I’m talking about. Torture amputations aren’t always going to end up that way, but it’s pretty hard to not get infected in this scenario. Especially if they’re wanting to keep Kaz alive for a certain point. If I had a better idea of the way his body was cut, I’d try a stronger theory, but from what we know I’ll consider The Skulls most likely, Soviet's also most likely and MSF attack I guess least likely? Ultimately we never got a clear response.
#mgsv#kazuhira miller#mgs#thoughts posts#nates headcanons#asks#answered asks#mobile posting#character posts: kazuhira miller
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
March Reading Summary
Another end of the month, another summary of everything I read this month--which wasn’t too much this time. I only finished 4 books, although I have two which are 60-70% read, and I’m going to include one of this month, just to make it seem like it wasn’t a reading slum :’D (I mean, it wasn’t, only compared to the previous month.)
Stephanie Garber: Caraval - I read it because of two reasons: one, some months ago I put a book on my TBR list that I later learned takes place in this universe, and two, because a good friend of mine had just read it, and she loved it. Which I completely respect, but damn, this was one of the stupidest books I’ve ever read. I mean, the aesthetics of the whole thing is nice, but overall the entire plot was basically built on twists upon twists upon twists until nothing made sense anymore, and it was just the heroine being lied to by person after person, and she somehow still didn’t throw a fit. It was bad, and made about zero sense, and I just wanted to slap everyone. Definitely not reading the sequels.
Jennifer Worth: Call the Midwife - I’m a big fan of the show, so it really was time I read this one. Many of the storylines from series one and two were based on the stories in this book, so there wasn’t exactly much new to me in it, but it was lovely and heartwrenching and I really appreciated the bits about the history of midwifery. She wrote two more books on the topic, and I’ll probably read those as well in the future.
James Herriot: Cat Stories – I love James Herriot and I love cats and James Herriot loved cats, so it was just lovely (honestly, when he went on and on about how great cats in the introduction, I almost teared up). A heartwarming little collection of stories, definitely recommend.
Ali Hazelwood: Love on the Brain - Look. It was fun. I like the snippy-funny language AH uses. It was an entertaining, light romance. But overall it was just too similar to The Love Hypothesis. I mean both of them are “snarky woman in STEM enters an unconventional partnership with a tall, dark, muscular, intimidating man, whom she believes hates her, only to learn along the way that he has been simping for her in secret for years, while she also battles the injustices a woman has to face in STEM.” Still, I really appreciate this last bit, and at least this one had cats, which is a big plus. Although I saw the twist coming from like page 30.
Ruth Goodman: How to Be a Victorian - This is the one I haven’t finished yet, but I’m at nearly 70%, and it’s not like the last bit is going to mess it up, so XD Anyway, it’s basically an in-depth historical study about the everyday lives of Victorian people. The book is structured in a way that we basically go through a day, with chapters starting from getting up, morning wash-up, getting dressed, getting to work... It’s fascinating and very-well researched (it also does a great job making a distinction between the early and the late Victorian period), but very, very dense - you are just getting bombed by information!
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
2.(✨)9.(🦄)10.(🍄)11.(🌻)12.(🦚)13.(🌿)14.(⭐) 17.(🧜🏿♀️) 18.(🧭) extra: 21.(🌈)What do you fall back on in times of uncertainty? Do you envision the destination, conjure up memories to give you strength or ______? Rivers!!! I loved reading your writings so I'll just go ahead and send in the rest of the ask game if nobody else has. Feel free to answer whatever you're comfortable with and I added a bonus just because I felt like it:
Looks like I’ll have to find myself another ask game now! I am happy you are so enthusiastic about my writing :)
2. (✨) - what was your first spell? Did it work?
It was a simple candle spell. A friend of mine was looking for a job and had no luck. He had been searching for weeks or months, I don’t remember exactly how long. So I carved Fehu into a green candle and prayed over it every morning for a week, asserting that he would find a job within one week’s time. And he did. He got a job offer from a friend of a friend after exactly one week.
9. (🦄) - what’s something that’s talked about too much in the witchcraft community?
This’ll have to be the same answer as its counterpart number 8, I’m afraid. I spend very little time online, so I’m not keeping track of community affairs.
10. (🍄) - do you use labels for your practice? Which ones?
I am a Buddhist, an animist, and an aspiring plant wizard! Sometimes a Druid too, though I’ve been a bit out of touch with Druidry lately.
11. (🌻) - post a photo of your altar or describe it if you’re comfortable.
No can do! In general I would advise against sharing any images that are important to one’s magical and spiritual practice, for the same kind of reason you wouldn’t want to leave your doors or windows open when you leave the house.
12. (🦚) - what does your religion or spiritual path mean to you?
Answered here
13. (🌿) - what witchcraft area are you super interested in but haven’t tried out yet?
If and when I have the time, energy and space for it, I would like to craft and keep spirit vessels. I love crafting – with thread, yarn, wood, clay. I enjoy designing sigils and writing poetry. I think these skills would come together quite nicely.
14. (⭐) - do you celebrate any sabbats/holidays? Which ones and which one is your favorite?
Unfortunately I am really bad at celebrating any kind of festival or holiday that occurs at certain times or days of the year. If it’s not something I can do everyday, any day, or spontaneously, it won’t make it into my practice. I would love to actively engage in seasonal celebrations. However I am very much guided by my own inner seasons and cycles. My body and mind also don’t align with the pagan wheel of the year. For instance, I feel most energised in spring and autumn, and find summer and winter quite draining. I also have zero interest in the fertility aspects of the sabbats. One day I’d like to design my own wheel of the year based on my personal inclinations. In terms of big Chinese holidays like New Year and Mid-Autumn Festival, my celebrations are pretty much “meet family, eat lots of food!”
17. (🧜🏿♀️) - how often do you meditate? Do you mainly do guided meditations or just listen to music/nature?
My meditation practice is currently rather sporadic. It’s a skill that still requires some work. At the moment I can comfortably meditate for 15 minutes without interruption, and on occasion for up to 30 minutes. My goal is to be able to meditate for at least an hour without getting too restless. I mainly practice samatha meditation (i.e. emptying the mind, non-attachment to thoughts and emotions). This is the main method of clearing psychic blockages and honing intuition. I’m quite a fan of the Druid colour meditations too.
18. (🧭) - where do you get most of the energy to do all your spells from?
There are two main things that drive me. Necessity, and inspiration.
21.(🌈)What do you fall back on in times of uncertainty? Do you envision the destination, conjure up memories to give you strength or __?
There is always one question that gets me through everything. “What can I do right now, with the resources that I have?” As long as I know the answer to this question, I will have a plan of action, and I will not worry. Even if the answer is “nothing”, in which case the action will be “wait and see how the situation develops” or “accept whatever happens and move on”. Knowing where I stand in any given situation calms me instantly.
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
Fanfiction writing ask, all the ones that end in zero goooooooo!
OMG THAT'S SO MANY. Thank you thank you thank you
10 -Do you work on multiple wips or stick to one fic at a time?
Multiple ones, but I "limit" myself to max 3 fic at a time. My biggest challenge is finishing things, so I’ve been really pushing myself to balance some short pieces with only one long one. That being said, I have an idea document that I keep updated, so I don’t lose anything that I really like.
20 - Do you prefer writing AUs or canon fics?
Canon is easier for some reason? I think that’s because I like working within confines of a pre-existing world rather than having A TON of possibility. That being said, I am warming up to AUs and have been trying my hand at them.
30 - How much do you edit your fics? Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?
A ton. I try and get everything out at once. Then I read for plot…does it make sense (hopefully)? Then I edit for specific word choice. Then I go back and do this bit over and over until I get so sick of the chapter that I would rather clean my apartment. THEN I run everything through grammarly and pray it catches everything. Then I post… and then I find errors. : )
40 - What is your favorite world that you’ve created for a fic?
I don't have a lot out but BITW is my fav...which is just ACOTAR 2.0. SJM didn’t give us a lot on Montesere so I basically built an entire nation/economy/politics for several months so I’d have something to work with. It’s not perfect but I’m proud of it.
50 - How would you describe your writing style?
I’m cheating here a bit. My writing instructor from when I took a class this year says that I like to write with visceral sensations err… like “feel it in your body” kind of things. I don’t know if my fanfics really embody that, but my original fiction definitely leans on sensations being a major component of my writing. I also am very plot driven.
60 - In [insert fic], what inspired the idea for the plot?
I’ll do a 2 for 1 on this one
You’re going to laugh at this, BITW was inspired by The Cruel Prince, Natasha, Pierre, and the War of 1812 (aka War and Peace), St. George and the Dragon, and my desperate need for Eris to get laid by someone who will give him hell first.
Heatwave is just inspired by Rockport, MA + My late cousin who had Elain’s job.
70 - Are you subscribed to any writers on AO3?
My friends @bennylavasbuns + @praetorqueenreyna, and GreenZeus and LadyTess (both not on Tumblr????? idk). I need to use this feature more often. I didn’t start actually “USING” AO3 until recently so I’m still discovering how this site works haha. I am certain that in a month I will have about 30 writers on this list.
80 - Free space - asker can come up with any writing or fic-related question they want!
You didn't give me a question so I'll ask a random one I just thought of <3: What's the longest thing you've ever written?
Back from 2015-18 I co-wrote a fic with a close friend. It was this very CW-style (like riverdale) queer drama about slightly supernatural-ish teens living in a mansion in the woods. I still have all of it. I wish I could do something with it one day, but the timing isn't right. It's two hundred typed pages...single spaced.
1 note
·
View note
Text
It’s been rough. My body is definitely catching up up with my mental state. I’ve had to take a day off or work from home pretty much three weeks in a row for different reasons. I feel like I’ve been juggling so many things mentally and I am exhausted. I’m at my limit and my body reflects that. My body is in pain, I feel like I’ve been on the cusp of getting sick but not really, and it’s been a wild experience. Newer parts of my body hurt. I took more pain killers than I ever have for my flares. Ya girl is pooped. I spent the weekend letting myself just cry it out and rest. In therapy, my therapist will be like “what does your inner child need/want” and mine wanted to just cry. I ended up having a nightmare as well that just wrecked me and I immediately called my boyfriend afterwards to validate I wasn’t stuck in the damn nightmare. I’m at a point where it’s just maxed out that I’m like meh about work. I love my job and I care about it but I’m also like “eh fire me. You’ll take 3 months just to get the balls to do so”. I’m at this spot at work where I know I do my job incredibly well and efficiently and they’d be fucked to drop me so I’m nonchalant about things. It’s also taking a toll on my relationship. Not really but a bit. I took some distance because I’m trying to navigate my healthy relationship with new concepts… like maybe I’m not a shitty girlfriend this entire time and the ways I might have been abusive was just me reacting normally to a controlling partner. I’m trying to find the lines, not default to certain reactions and not scare my partner off. I worried him a bit and I think he could tell I wasn’t myself and it made me even more sad that he was obviously bummed. I mean how can he not when I’m chipper all the time and then suddenly I’m just dragging myself and I don’t want to FaceTime him. It’s like a cycle of beating myself up for things I shouldn’t and it’s annoying. Like I tried to discuss my feelings with my partner over this nice lunch but the waitress interrupted me and I’m so used to just shutting off when I’m interrupted. It’s hard not to just stop in my tracks when it comes to voicing my opinions. Of course it wasn’t the waitress fault and my partner would have lent an ear but I’m so used to be in an environment where my opinion isn’t heard or treasured that my mouth just zips as soon as something gets in the way. Fighting my demons has been extra hard lately. It also doesn’t help that my ex reached out to my cousin who is basically my bestie and basically implied that even though I have a restraining order on him, that it’s “okay” to talk to him. This man is delulu and it angers me. The fact that in the first two months of the year, I’ve had to go to court over 4-5 times, talk to over 4-5 police officers, get scolded at by the same gatekeeping sheriff clerk about how I’m missing something, and pass out five million copies of everything…has just fucked me up. The system is exhausting. I will say though, that every single officer that I’ve had to talk to have been incredibly kind. From some officers telling me where to go, to my court bailiff guiding me, to the several officers dispatched to my house, and more. Not once did I come across a cop who was a dick to me for no reason or didn’t try to help me. Which is saying a lot because Americas cops are not in a good spot PR wise. The worst person in the judicial system was actually the goddamn gatekeeping bitch of a department clerk who made zero effort to be clear, concise or helpful. I feel like these past two months have aged my soul. Yes I got what I wanted but it came with the caveat of false security. Thankfully, we are moving for work. I feel like I’m in this bubble and I’m bursting because I just want more freedom. I just want to scream into a void. And also take a whole week off.
0 notes
Text
Gimme unhinged, gimme hot.. and gimme your soul while you’re at it!
Just starting my new RP account after ditching my old one for reasons. So what better start, with exactly ZERO prep work and posts on my blog but to do a brand new partner search?
There’s two kinds of scenarios I’ve been thinking about lately:
A hot suspect to my small town detective
My character (F) just started as the new detective of a small town full of secrets. First day on the job isn’t as clean cut and cozy as she thought her fresh start would be, with a murder falling right onto her lap. And the prime suspect? The smoking hot, annoyingly arrogant [your character] (preferably M) she had a one night stand with on her first night in town. She struggles to believe he’s guilty and through a series of circumstances, both the detective and her suspect have to work hand in hand to figure out who’s really killing people in the quiet town, and spilling out secrets too long buried.
A Howl to my Sophie, but not really?
Basically a Howl’s Moving Caslte-esque plot because I watched it this morning. But make it hotter, probably? My character (F), plagued with a curse she can’t speak a word of, after seeing an ad from a famously disreputable wizard-or-insert-other-magical-thingy [your character] (preferably M) looking for an assistant, decides to apply. Thinking spending time around him might lead her to find a cure to her curse she goes to the interview, even though she knows nothing of magic. The wizard-or-insert-other-magical-thingy is cocky, arrogant, insufferable and it’s a miracle he managed to keep himself alive without help before she came along. But amongst their adventures and constant bickering, the two seem to forge a bond stronger than either could imagine, as they unconsciously create their own little found family.
Just so you know, I’d like the roleplay to go towards a romantic subplot with (preferably but optional) smut here and there, and like I mentioned, FxM preferably.
Like this or BETTER, message me if you’re interested, telling me which plot tickles your fancy!
1 note
·
View note
Text
Is one of your favorite colors yellow?
Yes.
Are you into astrology?
No.
Was your last text an angry one?
It just said, “No.”
If you have a job, when do you work next?
I don’t have a job.
What color undies are you wearing?
Blue.
How old are your siblings?
38 and 23.
Would you rather wash your hands or use Germ-X?
I’d rather wash my hands, but I like to have hand sanitizer with me as well.
Are you a sanitary person?
Yes.
Do you consider yourself a model citizen?
I’m not going around breaking rules or causing trouble, so I suppose so.
Ever won school awards?
Yeah honor roll awards.
Have you ever had an eating disorder?
I have eating and appetite issues due to health related reasons. I don’t know what it would be classified as since it’s a combination of things.
Do you throw the word 'love' around a lot?
When referring to things I like, yes. Like, I love coffee, I love the beach, I love Stranger Things, etc. I don’t throw it around in terms of telling people I love them.
How many animals do you have?
I have one doggo.
When do you usually fall asleep at night?
Lately, it’s been around 1 or so.
When did you last babysit?
Not since my brother and a couple of my cousins were kids. They’re in their early 20s now, so it’s been awhile.
Do you have a problem with odd numbers?
No.
Ever had a fishtank in your room?
Yeah, when I was a kid.
Do you wear a lot of plaid?
No. I used to wear a lot of plaid during the fall. I don’t have any plaid now.
Have any friends with children?
I don’t have any friends.
Do you drink more soda than anything else?
No. I just have one can or maybe a 16oz bottle and either one will last me all day. The bottle could be two days.
Do you wear hats often?
Yeah.
Do you know anyone who wears camouflage often?
No.
What color pants are you wearing?
I’m not wearing pants, just this blue hospital gown.
How many jobs have you had?
Zero.
Do you listen to music while getting ready?
I used to sometimes.
Christmas or Halloween?
I like both, but Christmas is my top favorite.
Do you hate your last ex?
No.
Have you ever been in a choir class?
Yeah, in elementary school.
What's your favorite season?
Fall and winter.
Do you have decent grammar?
I think so.
Are you ashamed of any of your family members?
No.
Have you ever been attacked by an animal?
No.
At what age did you learn to read?
Started learning around 3.
How was your hair fixed during your last kiss?
I don’t remember, that was ten years ago...
Do you like animals?
Yes.
Do you think you're attractive?
Nooo. Especially not right now.... big yikes.
Do you curse a lot?
No.
Have you ever been in a courtroom?
I have not.
When did you last go to the library?
Wow, it’s been like 7 years.
What color car do you drive, if any at all?
I don’t drive.
Do people ask you for favors often?
No. I’m not of much use.
Do you think you're reliable?
I admit I’m probably not right now and haven’t been for a few years cause I’ve been too wrapped up in my own shit, but generally I would say so. And I’m not completely unreliable now, just probably not as much.
Are most of your friends older than you?
I don’t have any friends, but I have often been the older one in my friend groups by a year.
Do you ever wear cardigan sweaters?
No.
Do you dress formally often?
No, it’s very rare.
Do you still live in your birthtown?
I do.
Do you eat a lot around Thanksgiving?
I don’t eat as much as I used to in general, but yeah it’s a little more because of the appetizers. I used to be such a foodie... I miss that.
Have you ever been part of a study group?
Yeah.
What is your favorite day of the week?
I don’t have one, they’re all the same for me.
How often do you dye your hair?
I was dyeing it regularly for several years up until like 3 years ago.
Ever had a pregnancy scare?
No.
Do you have a busy life?
No. Especially not now as I’ve spent almost 3 months now laid up in a hospital bed. Prior to that, I’ve spent a lot of my time in bed as well for the past few years. I’d get up and around in the house in my chair and go somewhere sometimes like to the movies, grocery shopping, and doctor appointments, but otherwise I was in bed.
Is there a liquor cabinet in your house?
Yeah.
Do you enjoy family dinners?
I do.
Were you a chubby child?
No.
Favorite childhood movie?
Disney movies and Mary Kate and Ashley movies.
When did you last cash a check?
It’s been years.
Do you owe anyone any money?
No.
What is your favorite citrus fruit?
I don’t like citrus fruits. I like lemon flavored things, though, does that count? Ha.
Are you afraid to sing in front of people?
Uh, yeah you won’t see me doing that. I can’t even sing.
Do you enjoy your family?
Yes. I love my family and enjoy spending time with them.
When did you last dance with someone?
I don’t dance.
What's the last sweet thing someone told you?
I don’t recall.
If you have a significant other, do you love them?
I’m very much single.
Are you currently broke?
No. One thing about being in the hospital is that I haven’t been doing any online shopping or DoorDash, both of which I was doing a lot of before.
Do your eyes change color sometimes?
No.
Do you have any bad habits?
I have a lot of bad habits.
What are you currently wishing for?
To get better and go home.
Something you crave?
I’ve been really craving so many foods and drinks because I haven’t been able to have any for almost 3 months now and it doesn’t seem like i’ll be able to anytime soon. :( Everything sounds SO good.
Do you feel awkward watching sex scenes?
Yeah.
Did you ever have senior photos done?
I did.
Do you plan on going to college?
I did and got my BA. What good that was, though, since I haven’t done shit with it.
Are your parents protective of you?
Yeah, but not abnormally so. They’re my parents, they care about and love me and just want the best. I admit I sometimes felt they were nagging me about certain things and I’d get annoyed, but it truly was out of love and concern from them. I should have listened more instead and perhaps I wouldn’t be where I am now...
Have you ever been bullied?
No.
Do you ever help decorate during the holidays?
I’m the one who does most of the decorating. I love it.
Do you enjoy cooking?
No, I don’t cook.
Do you trust your head or your heart?
I tend to let my fears, anxieties, and emotions control me and it’s led me to a lot of problems. I logically would know better, but the emotions won. :/
Do you attend church regularly?
Via live stream, yes. I want to attend in person once I’m able.
Have you ever been to a concert before?
Yeah, a few.
What is your favorite television show?
I have several.
How many colors are in the shirt you're wearing?
Blue and white.
What are your plans for tonight?
Same stuff as always.
Do you have carpeted floors?
Yeah, our bedrooms do. The rest of the house is tile.
Can you count to ten in another language?
Yes, in Spanish.
Why did you last cry?
Depressed and frustrated with my current situation. I hate that this is my situation right now and I’m so angry with myself because it’s entirely my fault. I was so fucking stubborn and stupid.
What color cup did you last drink from?
I don’t remember.
Are you currently tired?
Yes.
What time did you wake up this morning?
I didn’t get any sleep last night.
Do you have to work tomorrow?
I don’t have a job.
What color shoes are you wearing?
I’m not wearing shoes.
How old are your parents?
Mid 50s, early 60s.
Are you wearing any jewelry?
No.
Where is your best friend?
Sitting next to me.
Have you ever been arrested?
No.
Favorite candy?
M&Ms (regular, peanut, peanut butter, crispy). Reese’s (regular and white chocolate), Kit Kats (regular, white chocolate, and a few other flavors I’ve had), Mr. Goodbar, Snickers, Twix, white chocolate.
Do you always lock your door at night?
Absolutely. Our door is always locked.
Do you get allowance?
No, I’m 33 years old.
Do you have a Facebook?
I do.
Favorite desert?
Ice cream, milkshakes, brownies, cupcakes, cookies, cheesecake, donuts, candy.
Are you talented at singing?
No, I wish.
Do you enjoy the presence of children?
I get too overwhelmed. I don’t have their energy. Or the patience right now.
Kittens or dogs?
Dogs.
Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
Yes.
When did you last straighten your hair?
It’s been a few years.
0 notes
Text
everything happens for a reason part 11 - zuko x fem!reader
Memories, where'd you go?
part 10 | masterlist | part 12
a/n: alternative name for this fic: y/n gets a crush on every pretty girl she meets. yue, katara, and now suki. she can't help it (and she questions why they're all connected to sokka in some way lmaoo)
anyways, this is kind of filler but it establishes some more with relationships and finallyyy gets us into ba sing se at the end. i know it's a lil annoying because there's a lot of episode-to-text writing, but i promise it'll get more freeform as it goes on
also i know that i just posted something yesterday but i have literally zero patience. like i cant hold chapters i have to post them as soon as i write them loll
wc: 5.3k
warning(s): some feels over zuko as per usual, but overall a pretty tame chapter
chapter title comes from memories by panic! at the disco!
Zuko could barely sleep anymore.
He didn’t know when his life became so complicated, but he wasn’t a fan of it.
Back when it was just him, his crew, and the open sea — it was simple. He had a job, a straightforward mission. Find the Avatar, capture him, return home to the Fire Nation and regain his honor.
Now, the waters were more muddied than ever. Now on the run from the Fire Nation just like the boy he was chasing, all he really felt nowadays was anger.
Angry at the world for setting him on this path, angry at the Avatar for refusing to see what was necessary, his sister and her friends for turning against him, angry at the waterbender for making things so damn hard.
He didn’t want to hurt her. A part of him wished that she had never come back into his life, if it meant he wouldn’t have to constantly be fighting against her. He hated himself for the thought, but maybe it would have been easier for her to remain a memory of a lover than his active enemy.
Late at night, when he was reaching fruitlessly for sleep that would never come, he saw her face. The carefree energy from their childhood morphed into the shock and disappointment from both the North and their fight with Azula, and…
It made him wonder what in Agni had happened to them.
He—
He didn’t know. The way he felt about her, it was different than anything he had experienced before. Zuko didn’t know what it was, but he understood that it was special. And now… it felt like he had just thrown it all away.
Zuko couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened with her in that town — what he had done to her.
He had burned her to try and get to the Avatar, and he hadn’t even allowed a glance back at the damage he had done. He had heard her cry out in pain, pain he had caused, and he didn’t even look back.
What had happened to them? What had happened to him?
He kept telling himself that the mission was the only thing that mattered. And it was, wasn’t it? Capture the Avatar, regain his honor, get his old life back and finally be enough for his father. He didn’t have time for friends, or for these feelings he had, or— or for anything but capturing the Avatar. Because the Avatar was the key to everything, to his honor, and that was all that mattered.
But now…
Now, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He didn’t know what was right, or what was wrong, or what path was the one he had to take.
Zuko just wished things could be like they used to be.
~~~~~~~~~~
She didn’t really know when everything had become a mess again.
It all started out fine, like it usually did. Toph had become fully integrated into the group, any past squabbles put to rest in the name of a stronger friendship emerging between all five of them. Katara continued to work on Aang’s waterbending (oftentimes Y/N joining them in their sessions) while Toph slowly but steadily beat earthbending into him — literally.
They had all been working hard for so long that, by decree of Aang, it was ‘vacation time’. They would all get to pick out places they wanted to spend as a break, and after it was over they would get back to work.
Aang had chosen some sort of field with musical groundhogs, and Y/N had opted to revisit an Earth Kingdom village that she had passed through on her journey to the North. Sokka had complained the whole time about how they were ‘wasting valuable planning time’, but had finally conceded after the promise of ‘all the planning his heart could desire’ from Katara after their mini-vacations were over.
Y/N was actually feeling somewhat relaxed for once, but she had forgotten the golden rule — never let your guard down. Everytime she let her guard down, something bad happened without fail. So it shouldn’t have been any surprise with what happened in the desert.
Because after one trip to the Misty Palms Oasis and a journey into the desert with a professor to a long lost library, Appa had been taken by desert raiders.
It was… less than favourable. During their escape from the library, Professor Zei had insisted on staying behind, and now the five of them were stuck in the middle of the desert with no way out and zero guidance. Add some brewing tensions between Aang and Toph because of her being there when Appa was taken, and they had a recipe for a huge disaster.
And a disaster they had. Multiple disasters, actually.
There was only so much she and Katara could do to hold the group together, but by some miracle, they made it out of the desert with only one Avatar State mishap.
(And an incident with cactus juice, but… she didn’t really want to talk about that.)
....at least they had the information about the Eclipse. That was about the only thing keeping her together at the moment.
They had to get the information to the Earth King so they could formulate an attack with his warriors, but without Appa, they had to resort to more traditional methods of travel. Add in one passport problem, and that was how Y/N found herself braving the Serpent’s Pass alongside a refugee family with a baby on the way.
It was… intimidating, to say the least. Despite being surrounded by her element, Y/N didn’t feel any safer from the challenge that faced them. She took a deep breath, trying to tamp down on her fear the way her mother had taught her, as she followed the group, but her thoughts were soon interrupted.
“Hey.” She turned to see who the voice belonged to and was greeted by the girl that had teased Sokka early — Suki, if she remembered correctly. “I haven’t seen you around; are you with the Avatar or that family?”
“I’m with Aang,” Y/N explained. “I’m from the North, and they offered me a spot with them after they helped us defend our tribe against the Fire Nation. I’ve been with them ever since.” Suki nodded as they settled into a comfortable stride.
“That’s cool. Are you a waterbender?”
She gestured to her waterskin and smiled. “Yeah. I’ve been training with Aang and Katara ever since I left.” Y/N then turned her gaze back to Suki, raising an inquisitive brow. “Your makeup — what’s it for? I heard you talking about the Kyoshi Warriors back there; is that some kind of thing with Avatar Kyoshi?”
Suki grinned, her every expression heightened by the sharp reds and blacks above her eyes. “We’re a group of all-female warriors that use the teachings of Avatar Kyoshi and her partner Rangi to defend our home and the place she founded, Kyoshi Island. I’m the leader of our village section.”
“Wow,” she murmured, her eyes falling to the ground for a moment before finding their way back up to the warrior. “That’s really cool. You’re really cool.”
She laughed and shrugged. “Thanks. I’ve been training as a warrior for almost my whole life, so it just comes naturally. I like being able to protect people, and there’s no better way to pay back my home for all it’s done for me like protecting the whole village.”
“Wow,” she repeated with a small laugh of her own. “That’s really brave. I gotta say, I’m kinda jealous — I would love to see what would happen if Master Pakku met you all. Katara literally had to beat the sexism out of him in order to train to be a master.”
Suki chuckled. “Sounds like what I had to do with Sokka. Guess it’s a thing with Water Tribe guys, huh?”
At the mention of Sokka, she internally laughed. There had to be some kind of connection between the two of them, the way their interests kept aligning. “Sokka… he’s had it hard. I can’t blame him that much for any kind of attitude he had before he met you. Pakku, on the other hand? He had to have had something better to do than fight teenage girls.”
“You would think so, right?” Suki agreed. “And Sokka… I know. He’s got a heart of gold underneath all that, he just needed a little push to get it out.” As Y/N glanced over at the girl, noticing a slight pink tint under the white makeup, she gasped.
“La’s fins, are you two a thing?” she exclaimed with a grin.
Suki flushed even harder as she suddenly became very interested in the ocean around her, but she couldn’t help the smile on her lips. “No! I mean— yes— but… but—” she stopped to gather her thoughts before making eye contact again with a sheepish smile. “We’re not… really a thing, but… I do like him a lot. I didn’t really think I was going to see him again after they left the island, so this is really nice.”
“Then what are you waiting for?” Y/N asked. “I can already tell that he cares about you — have you seen how careful he’s being with you?”
“Well—” Whatever kind of excuse Suki would’ve made up was interrupted by a rock falling out just under Than, one of the refugees they were with, saved in the nick of time with Toph’s earthbending.
“I’m okay!” he reassured, but no sooner had the words left his mouth before the Fire Nation ship in the distance started firing.
“They’ve spotted us!” Sokka yelled. “Let’s go, let’s go!”
Aang flicked his glider open and deflected the blast, and Katara grabbed Y/N’s hand as they all began to run. Another blast rocked the mountain, causing several boulders to fall just above Suki. Y/N didn’t even have time to shout out a warning before Sokka tackled her out of the way, but it was ultimately more of Toph’s quick earthbending that saved him.
“Suki, are you okay?” Sokka brushed dust and pebbles off of her uniform as he examined her, and once he was satisfied he grabbed her hand and helped her up. “You have to be more careful! Come on!”
As the two of them caught up to Y/N and Katara, she gave Suki a knowing look. The warrior only blushed once again and glanced away.
After hours of navigating the pass, they were only about halfway through. Sokka made the executive decision to set up camp for the night to give everyone time to rest, and then they would get up at the crack of dawn to finish their trip. It only took a few minutes for Y/N to get a fire going, and soon everyone had settled in with their sleeping bags. Sokka got up from his spot as Suki wandered closer to the edge, and Katara nudged Y/N with her shoulder.
“Hey. How are your hands doing?”
“They’re fine,” she answered with a small smile, flipping her hands over as proof. Where there were once red burn scars on her palms only tiny white marks remained — one benefit to healing via waterbending was that most injuries were able to fade away completely after enough sessions. Her burns weren’t very serious and she was able to heal them almost immediately, so both her and Katara were sure that the marks would be completely gone soon.
The mental scars wouldn’t fade as easily.
“That’s good. And you’re taking care of them, right? Like, you’re not beating up people while we’re not looking?”
Y/N grinned. “No. I think I’ll leave that to Toph.”
Katara chuckled and nodded, turning her hands over in a final examination before nodding. “Good,” she repeated. The silence between them, although comfortable, stretched out for a little too long before she spoke again, this time much quieter. “He did this to you.”
“Katara…”
“I know,” she said. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this from me, or really at all, but… I’m worried about you. Zuko isn’t good for you. Every time we’ve run into him, he’s hurt you. And you deserve so much more than that.”
“You don’t understand,” she countered. “You don’t know Zuko like I do. You weren’t there when I was. I know you think I’m insane for still believing in him, but I— I can’t let go of him, Katara. I know the Zuko I love is still in there somewhere, and I have to try and find it. For me and for him.”
Katara’s eyes were full of nothing but sympathy as she sighed — it was obvious she didn’t believe her words, but in true fashion she was still trying her best to be supportive.
“Okay. I don’t understand it, but… I don’t think I can change your mind.” Y/N chuckled sadly and nodded, Katara’s piercing gaze meeting her own once more. “It’s just… Why are you playing with fire when you know you’re going to get burned?”
And for once, Y/N didn’t have an answer for her friend.
~~~~~~~~~
The night went by quickly, which Y/N was thankful for. It meant that the nightmares didn’t last as long.
After a quick headcount to make sure no one had fallen off the pass overnight and an even quicker gathering of their things, they set off to finish their journey.
It went just as well as she had expected — a giant serpent, the namesake of the pass, had attacked them while crossing through an underwater section. Thankfully, she was able to aid Katara and Aang in defeating it with waterbending with no casualties
But in the wake of one disaster there was always another, and before Y/N knew it a baby had been born. She was mostly there for moral support — Katara had it all handled, and Y/N didn’t expect anything less.
But finally, they had made it across the pass, and they were so close to Ba Sing Se that she could almost smell the city air. Sadly, though, that meant it was time for them to part ways — Aang to find Appa, and Suki back to her warriors. After some sad but hopeful goodbyes with Aang, it was time to bid farewell to Suki.
“Are you sure you can’t travel a little longer with us?” Y/N questioned, apparently not above pleading to try and get the girl to stay. “You’re— you’re amazing, and we’d really love to have you with us.”
“I can’t even imagine what travelling with the Avatar would be like,” she smiled, causing Y/N to get her hopes up for just a moment before they fell back down. “But I can’t stay. I have to get back to the Kyoshi Warriors.”
Y/N sighed, her gaze falling slightly downcast. “I get that. I just really wish you could stay. Or that I could meet your warriors. You seriously don’t know how cool you are, Suki.”
“Well, if you’re ever in town on Kyoshi Island, find us. I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out and do you one better than just meeting them all,” she said with a grin. “I think it’d be pretty cool to have the first waterbending Kyoshi Warrior.”
Y/N was unable to prevent the heat rushing to her cheeks as she smiled shyly, once again averting eye contact. “That would be amazing. I’ll have to find my way back there after the war.”
Suki bumped shoulders with her, causing a startled laugh to spill from her lips. “We’d love to have you.”
“Wait, why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye to her?” Sokka questioned as he walked up to the two of them. Y/N winked at Suki and gestured at him with her head, walking off before Suki could protest to find Katara.
The conversation the two girls were sharing was an extremely thinly veiled excuse to eavesdrop on the lovebirds, and when they kissed Y/N actually had to hold back a scream.
Sokka deserved this. She knew how much he beat himself up over every little thing that went wrong, and it was about time he got to relax even for a moment. She only hoped that Suki would be in their corner of the world sooner rather than later.
What could she say? She was already fantasizing about life as a Kyoshi Warrior.
~~~~~~~~~
Although they had parted ways, they soon found themselves reunited with Aang to stop yet another Fire Nation threat.
“For the love of Kuruk,” Y/N murmured as she stared into the distance, her eyes wide at the sight of a large mechanical drill. “That was Ty Lee who just took down all those soldiers. And if she’s here, Mai and Azula are with her too. Guys, It’s one thing to stop this drill, it’s another thing to take those three down with it.”
“The question is, how do we do it?” Aang questioned.
“Why can nothing ever be easy?” Sokka lamented. His gaze remained trained on the drill for a moment before he realized theirs were on him. “Why are you all looking at me?”
“You’re the idea guy,” Aang said.
“Wait, so I’m the only one who can ever come up with a plan?” he protested. “That’s a lot of pressure!”
“And also the complaining guy,” Katara muttered, drawing a chuckle out from Y/N.
“Now that part I don’t mind,” Sokka admitted.
“Well, Sokka— you were a huge help in the North, and you figured out a way to defeat the Fire Nation during that eclipse at the library! Plus, there’s all that stuff that Katara told me you did before I joined.” She patted him on the back. “If anyone can figure out how to take that thing down, it’s you.”
He shrugged nonchalantly, his ego only slightly bolstered. “...okay. I think I can do it.”
“That’s the spirit!” she said with a smile.
Unfortunately, that smile faded as a young guard came running up to the wall. “Excuse me, Avatar and friends — I’ve heard that you’ve dealt with that… that pink girl down there before.” They nodded and he continued. “It would do us a great deal of help if you could come down and look at our injured soldiers, then.”
Y/N and Katara nodded in unison and started to follow the guard, the remaining three trailing after them. They ended up inside the wall, in what looked like an infirmary of sorts with all the cots and soldiers lying around, and the two waterbenders exchanged looks.
“You know what to do?” Katara asked.
Y/N hummed in acknowledgment, and they both knelt down next to separate cots. “This definitely looks like Ty Lee’s work,” she murmured as she bent water up from the pot and molded it over the man’s arm.
“What’s wrong with him?” the general questioned. “He doesn’t look injured.”
“His chi is blocked,” Katara explained. “Who did this to you?”
“Two girls ambushed us,” the soldier said, moving his arm as he regained feeling. “One of them hit me with a bunch of quick jabs and suddenly I couldn't earthbend anymore and I could barely move. Then she cartwheeled away.”
Katara sighed as she bent the water back into the pot. “You were right, Y/N. That was Ty Lee — she doesn’t look dangerous, but she knows the human body and its weak point. It’s like she takes you down from the inside.”
As if struck by lightning, Sokka lit up. “Oh, oh, oh! What you just said — that’s how we’re going to take down the drill; the same way Ty Lee took down all those earthbenders!”
“By hitting its pressure points!” Toph exclaimed with a grin.
The breakthrough brought a steely determination to Aang’s features as he looked out into the distance. “We’ll take it down from the inside.”
~~~~~~~~~
Like everything they did, it seemed so simple on paper. But now that she was actually inside the drill, it felt a lot more nerve wracking. Toph opted to stay outside where she could see and try to slow down the drill with the earth at her disposal, which left the four of them to somehow take it down from the inside.
Sokka led them through a hallway with a myriad of valves and pipes as he thought out loud. “I need a plan of this machine — some schematics that show what the inside looks like. Then we can find its weak points.”
“Where are we gonna get something like that?” Aang asked.
Sokka thought for a moment before he took his machete out and hacked a valve off a pipe. Y/N instinctively took a step back and shielded her face from the hot steam. “What are you doing?” she cried. “Someone’s gonna hear us!”
“That’s the point!” he exclaimed. “A machine this big needs engineers to run it, and when something breaks—”
“Someone will come down to fix it!” Katara finished with a smile at Aang, a sentiment the boy returned happily.
It was surprisingly easy to take down the engineer once he arrived — with a little bit of frozen mist on Katara’s end, they had the plans they needed. Sokka’s expertise combined with the blueprints got them to the beginning of the outer shell.
“Wow,” Sokka muttered. “It looks a lot thicker than it does in the plans. We’re gonna have to work pretty hard to cut through that.”
Katara crossed her arms. “What’s this ‘we’ stuff? The three of us are gonna have to do all the work.”
“Look, I’m the plan guy!” Sokka explained with a gesture to himself. “You three are the ‘cut up stuff with waterbending’ guys. Together, we’re Team Avatar!”
Katara and Aang looked wholly unamused while Y/N chuckled. “Team Avatar. I like it.”
“Thank you,” he smiled. “At least someone appreciates my genius.”
“Tui’s gills, why do you have to keep boosting his ego?” Katara complained. “Let’s just get this done before it gets worse.”
The three of them got in position — Katara and Aang on opposite sides so they could pass the stream of water between them, and Y/N making the point of the triangle to work on the other side on her own. They were hoping it would be more efficient being able to cut through both sides at the same time, but it was proving to be much more difficult than they had imagined — halfway through the three of them were already exhausted.
By some feat of strength they were able to completely cut through the brace, but their hard work didn’t pay off in quite the way they had imagined — when the beam only shifted a few inches she groaned.
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” she breathed as she wiped sweat off of her forehead.
“At this rate,” Katara paused to inhale deeply, “we won’t do enough damage before the drill reaches the wall.”
“I don’t know how many more of those I have in me,” Aang said sadly.
A large creak suddenly rang throughout the large chamber, and they all looked up for the source.
“Did you hear that?” Sokka asked, already backing up to make an exit. “We took it down! We gotta get out of here, fast!”
Just as they reached the door on the other side, a crackle followed by the sound of a man’s voice dashed their hopes. “Congratulations, crew. The drill has made contact with the wall of Ba Sing Se. Start the countdown to victory!”
A collective silence hung in the air between them, the threat now even more imminent as their situation sunk in. Mai and Ty Lee had proven effective in taking down any Earth Kingdom threat posed at them, and despite Toph’s skill they knew she couldn’t take down something like this on their own.
They either had to figure out a way to destroy this drill, or the Fire Nation was going to make it into the city.
Sokka ran back over to the brace and pushed against it, putting all his strength into the feat but to no avail. “Come…. on! Move!”
Katara started pacing around in a small circle, crossing her arms again as she tried to think of something. “This is bad. This is really bad.”
“Sokka, that’s not going to work!” Y/N didn’t mean to snap, but the grinding of metal on metal combined with her nervousness got to her. She sighed and ran her hand over her face. “I— I’m sorry. But it’s still not going to work.”
He groaned as he leaned against the brace. “We’re putting everything we have into busting these things, but it’s taking too long!”
Suddenly, Aang jumped up from the ground with stars in his eyes. “Maybe we don’t need to cut all the way through! Toph — she’s been teaching me that you shouldn’t put a hundred percent of your energy in any one strike. Sokka, get in a fighting stance.”
Sokka complied and as Aang talked through his points, he demonstrated it on Sokka. “You've got to be quick and accurate. Hit a series of points and break your opponent's stance. And when he's reeling back, you deliver the final blow. His own weight becomes his downfall, literally.”
As Sokka fell over from the attack, Katara lit up. “So we just need to weaken the braces instead of cutting all the way through—”
“—then I can go to the top of this thing and deliver the final blow!” Aang finished.
Y/N helped Sokka up from the ground, his spirits not dampened at all. “Then boom! This whole thing goes down!”
“Then what are we waiting for?” Y/N asked, flexing her fingers to refresh them for all the bending she was going to have to do. “Aang, Katara and I can handle the braces. Focus on getting up to the top before anyone sees you.”
He nodded and they all met each other with determined eyes. “Everyone inside that wall, the whole world — they’re all counting on us.”
“Here, take this. You need this more than I do. ” Katara took her waterskin off and handed it to Aang. “Good luck. And be careful.”
Y/N noticed a slight blush on her cheeks and she had to hold back her smile. That was definitely something she was going to tease her friend about later — when they weren’t trying to stop the Fire Nation from breaking into Ba Sing Se.
“I will,” he assured. Aang slung the strap of the waterskin around his shoulder and took off, and Y/N and Katara got to work breaking through the rest of the braces.
With the knowledge that they only had to cut through half of each column and the revitalization that came from having a plan, their work went by much quicker. Just when they finished the final brace, it all went wrong.
“Good work, Team Avatar!” Sokka cheered. “Now we— Y/N, duck!”
She didn’t question Sokka as she immediately dropped to the ground, something she was immensely thankful for as a blast of blue fire seared past her. Her eyes snapped up to the source of the attack and narrowed in recognition.
“Of course they’re here,” she growled as she pulled herself back up. “We gotta go, now!”
Katara and Sokka nodded and they all started running. Bringing up the rear, Y/N was able to hear Azula’s words right before they split off into an intersection:
“Follow them! I’m going to find the Avatar.”
Sure enough, when she allowed a glance back, Mai and Ty Lee were closing in on them. She flicked open the cap of her waterskin and bent some out, managing to freeze it at just the right moment to block the incoming daggers from Mai. Still running, she melted it quickly and let it fall to the ground before freezing it again, creating some ice on the ground that would hopefully give them a few more seconds of leeway.
“That should give us some time!” she yelled as they turned a corner, finally turning her attention back to the path in front of them. “Any idea how we’re gonna get out of this thing?”
“Maybe!” Sokka yelled back, slowing to a stop as they came to a dead end, a large hatch the only thing at their disposal. He started tugging on the wheel in an attempt to open it, and when Y/N joined in they were able to wrench it open.
“Slurry pipeline?” Katara frowned as she read the sign on the wall and looked at Sokka. “What does that mean?”
“It’s rock and water mixed together,” he explained as they looked into the rushing liquid underneath the hatch. “It means it’s our way out!”
Katara nodded and climbed in, Sokka following close after. The sound of metal footsteps got closer and closer, and Y/N ducked inside just as Mai’s knives clanked against the hatch. Never before had she been so happy to be floating in a stream of slurry.
The rest of their mission went by surprisingly easy — at least, on their end. All it took was some waterbending — earthbending, when Toph joined them — and encouragement from Sokka (though unappreciated by Katara). Whatever magic Aang was working at the top of the drill had done its job, because soon enough the drill had collapsed in on itself.
And now, they had reunited on the top of the wall overlooking the sunset. After the chaos that had been their day, it was nice to just relax for even a moment. And there was no better way to do so than with her friends.
“I just want to say, good effort out there, Team Avatar!” Sokka exclaimed as he threw an arm around Y/N’s shoulder.
“Enough with the ‘Team Avatar’ stuff,” Katara said dryly. “No matter how many times you say it, it’s not going to catch on.”
“I like it, Sokka,” Y/N smiled. “I’ve liked it this whole time.”
“You always appreciate my genius, Y/N,” he mused. “That’s why I appreciate you.” She laughed and leaned her head against his shoulder as he continued to list off names.
“How about… the Boomeraang squad! Eh? See, it’s good because it’s boomerang, and it has Aang in it—”
“Yeah Sokka,” Toph interrupted. “We got it.”
Aang grinned and scratched his head. “I kinda like that one.”
“The Aang Gang. Ooh, the Fearsome Fivesome!”
“You’re crazy,” Toph muttered as she walked away.
“Wait, Sokka—” Y/N pulled away from him and held up her pointer finger. “Aang Gang — what if we combine it, so it’s just the Gaang? But still with Aang’s name?”
And at that moment, Sokka looked more proud than ever. “Oh, you— you are a genius.”
“Oh, spirits,” Katara groaned. “Why do you insist on encouraging him?”
“You’re just jealous of our name-making abilities,” Sokka said haughtily.
She rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop herself from laughing. “You two are completely ridiculous, you know that? Let’s just get into the city before the trains stop running.”
Y/N and Sokka winked at each other as they all started walking, unable to keep the smile off of her face. She always thought it was amazing — they went through insane things every day, but at the end of it all she was always able to smile because of them. And as her gaze drifted towards the city in the distance, she hoped it would hold true.
She had no idea what Ba Sing Se had in store for her.
-
shit is gonna happen next chapter so i hope you all are READY bc im not
perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77
atla tags: @marianne1806 @brown-eyed-thang @akiris
ehfar tags: @chandies-sideblog @zacatecanaaaa @anzanity @randomthingssss @escapingthoughtsandsecrets @shanksfav @shephard17895 @ilovespideyyy @carisi-sonny @selfship-mishaps @i-belong-in-fandoms @ilistentotayswifttocope @i-make-questionable-choices @3leni
#zuko x reader#zuko x you#zuko x y/n#zuko#zuko fic#prince zuko#avatar#avatar the last airbender#atla#avatar fic#atla fic#avatar the last airbender fic#avatar x reader#avatar the last airbender x reader#atla x reader#sadie writes
300 notes
·
View notes
Text
Childe: First Kiss HCs
I tend to make things gender neutral by not putting in pronouns and just using “you” but you can definitely read this as female^^ But I completely agree, I love this boy so much. He’s my favourite character to play (im so sorry razor) until Xiao comes out. I literally have a genshin team named “waiting for xiao” and it’s just Childe and Zhongli haha.
---
Today’s appreciation post goes to childes-starconch. Fitting that this is a Childe fic but ty for your support^^ I always notice you pop up as soon as I post a fic and I really enjoy seeing you. Hopefully you read this since tumblr won’t let me tag people, for whatever reason I don’t know anymore, but just saying hey, I see you 💕💕
---
I’m just gonna piggy back off my last Childe fic. I’m sorry.
Semi Part 1: Fiance HCs [honestly, one of my favourites haha]
Xiao Ver: First Kiss HCs
Venti & Kaeya: Mistletoe HCs
Venti, Xingqiu, and Razor: Kissing HCs
[Masterlist]
---
[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.
@hanniejji @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover@youaskedfurret @snowy224
@youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @dandelily @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife @dokidokisama @simpygrimoire @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia
@tigerpriestess
For some reason I can’t @ certain people. I’m talking to tumblr about it.
---
Childe: First Kiss HCs
Childe was never one to shy away from affection, be it holding your hand in his or wrapping an arm around you, he was always happy to be close to you. He was always a bit territorial which lead to some embarrassing situations for you but it was from a good place in his heart. But when it came to public kisses, he preferred to keep it between you two. It felt too private of a moment that he didn’t want to broadcast to the rest of the Fatui, especially to the other Harbingers. That is to say, if he actually kissed you in the first place. For all the two braincells Childe had, one was fighting and the other was protecting his loved ones, just imagining kissing you was too much for him and he needed to go find some poor recruit and beat his inner problems out. The Fatui recruitment process would always dwindled down during his inner turmoil sessions that Scaramouche himself, had to throw his goddamn hat at Tartaglia, and yell at him to hurry up and fix his problem. It was clogging up the air.
When he tried to think about it, it shouldn’t be this hard to simply lean in for a kiss. But it was his first and while Childe might run into whatever danger or prospect of a fight without a second thought, he didn’t want to ruin it. What if he accidently bonked his forehead with yours? He should remove his mask then right? Just in case? He’s only given forehead and cheek kisses to his younger siblings so it should be the same right? Yeah he could do this, this was just another battle for Tartaglia to conquer!
But whenever he would see you or you would both sit and bask in each other’s presences. He couldn’t bring himself to initiate something or heck, even looking at your face made him a bit hot under the collar in sub-zero temperatures. He can almost hear Scaramouche and Signora laughing maniacally at him behind their hands. He’s the youngest of the Harbingers, he should get a “get out of jail for free” card that all youngest children have whenever they get into trouble. But in this case it’s murder. He quickly slaps his cheeks to get his mind off fighting for one second which startles you beside him.
The first time you’ve seen Childe shy was when he first confessed to you, stuttering that he liked you and just really badly wanted to hold your hand without using the frost of Sneznaya as an excuse. You flushed pink but nodded that you returned his feeling and slipped your hand in his. Whatever shyness Childe had was quickly wiped off his face and he cheered and brought you in for an eskimo kiss. Rubbing your nose with his as he laughed in joy, the tips of his ears and cheeks still coloured pink. You always hold that memory dear to your heart because not only was it the start of your relationship, it was the first time you felt you were staring at Ajax. Not Childe. Not Tartaglia. Just Ajax.
But now, you’re not to sure what to call this. Lately he seemed to be out of it, always staring off into space or frowning at some poor poor snowmen that did not deserve that much pressure. Was being a harbinger starting to take it’s toll on him? Did something terrible happen to his family or was the Tsaritsa being too hard on him? You were beginning to get concerned because you’ve never seen this much mental turmoil in him. This never really happened before and he usually bounced back pretty fast. Would it be better if you left him be and he sorted it out himself? Would it be better if you asked?
Childe is startled out of his thoughts of possible committed murder because he’s too scared to ask his own partner if kissing was something they could do, when he felt your hand slowly nudge his. No matter how many times he holds your hand, you’re always warm. It could be snow storming outside and the only heater he would need would be you. He offers a small but warm smile as he laces his fingers with yours. He remembers when you first started going out he was so scared about boundaries and what was okay. Brushing your fingers together and overall, not doing a good job at saying he wanted to hold hands that even he cringes slightly at his younger self - even though it wasn’t that long ago and he’s doing it again just with kisses - but now he borderline clings to you like some overgrown animal. Scaramouche’s words, not his.
It’s still evening in Snezhnaya and the Tsaritsa herself seems to be taking a vacation because there’s only a light snow falling down between the two of you. You’re both sitting outside his house while his family is inside, warm and having fun playing games. He breathes in, closes his eyes, and let’s the world fade away just a second. He slowly brings his other hand to cup your cheek, his hands are always numb and the tiny pin pricks are dancing on his fingers again before they fade away too, and guides you towards him so he can place a small kiss on your fore head. Then tilts your face to the side so he can kiss your cheek. Brings his nose near yours to nuzzle against. Then hesitates when his lips hover above yours.
“Ajax is there something bothering you?” you ask softly, you’re so close to each other that all you can see is him. The small puffs of breathe you both take bounce off each other’s face before evaporating into the air. You never really took the time to appreciate Ajax’s bright blue eyes. His pupil from this distance seems to be slitted too.
“Hm? Ah no, of course not. Where did you get that idea?” he tries to laugh it off and tries to move back before you quickly bring your hand to the back of his head and nudge him forward so he stays in place. It wasn’t like him to run away from something, it was really starting to bother you what could get Ajax of all people to retreat from something.
“You know if there’s anything that’s bothering you, you can talk to me right?” you asked as you brought both your hands to cup his face as you softly rubbed circles just under his ear. He closed his eyes and hmmed happily at your actions and nuzzled further into your hand before turning his head inward to kiss your palm. Before relaxing and parting his eyelids half way as he seemed to be back in concentration mode. Before awkwardly saying what was troubling him these past few days.
“So wait, you mean to tell me that this entire time I was worried about you. How out of it you were and how many fights you’ve been getting into. Was because you wanted a kiss?” you asked dumfounded as he pouted but nodded. You sighed but bonked your foreheads together softly, “You’re such an idiot....C’mere.”
“Wha-”
You grab the scarf on his harbinger uniform and tug him forward as your lips slot over his. You kiss him hard and for a few seconds as Ajax just stares at you as his brain tries to catch up, before his eyes seem to dilate and he kisses you back just as hard. All his past worries are quickly thrown out the window as slowly pushes you on your back, cushioned by the soft snow, as he basks in the feeling. It’s a bit sloppy given this is both your first kisses but that’s what adds to the charm. You both have to separate at some point for oxygen but Childe looks like he’s ready to dive in again.
“One more,” he pants as he goes in for another but you quickly place your hand in the way so he ends up kissing your palm. He whines but you chuckle at him, place a small kiss on the back of your palm of where his lips would be, and push him off you. You’re both still outside his families home and you aren’t in the mood to be caught in this kind of position. Especially not in front of his younger siblings. He rests his cheek on your shoulder and looks at you, trying to make his eyes bigger and look like a kicked puppy. You sigh as you give a small pet on his head, running your fingers through your hair. What a troublesome partner you’ve gotten.
“Alright, one more.”
---
My entire taglist was just made for the “Enemies” to “Lovers” post and I still haven’t started hehe. Trust me, it’s coming. I’ve got requests for it and we’re slowly getting there. The entire time I’m writing this I’m just thinking “honey..no, that’s not how this works.” God you’re so dumb. I hate you. You’re my favourite character. Pour one out for Xiao, I was going to make this a crack fic too but ended up making it somewhat serious.
So yeah, xiao is a cat and childe is a fox. In other news, water is wet. But I did actually google fox behaviors just for this shitpost. ALRIGHT TIME TO SPIN THE WHEEL OF “WILL TUMBLR BE NICE TO ME?” OR DO I NEED TO DOUBLE REPOST AGAIN.
#genshin#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin imagines#genshin impact imagines#genshin headcanons#genshin impact headcanons#genshin fanfic#genshin impact fanfiction#genshin childe#genshin impact childe#genshin childe x reader#genshin impact childe x reader#childe x reader#childe x traveler#childe x lumine#childe x aether#childe headcanons#childe imagines#childe#genshin childe headcanon#genshin tartaglia#genshin tartagalia
989 notes
·
View notes
Text
Luck On Tour
A/N: Soo, this is my little thing for @oh-honey-styles HSFICSLAM 2 challenge. I’ve been struggling to write something for a while now and this kind of just caught my attention because it seemed like fun. It’s nothing too serious or fancy. Just a little bit of fun. If one person enjoys it then I’m happy, bc I just had a good time writing again.
Let me know your thoughts, it would mean a lot!!! xx
WC: 2.7K // a cheesy story about good luck charms and love
“You’re jealous aren’t you?”
“What?”
You blinked and turned around to glance at Charlotte who was looking at you with a smug smile. She raised her eyebrows knowingly and nodded her head in the direction you had just been glaring.
“I told you this was gonna happen.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you told her, taking a deep breath, before forcing a strangled laugh from your chest. “Why would I be jealous?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Charlotte hummed and tapped her chin, pretending to be deep in thought before continuing. “Maybe because you two have been sleeping together for a couple of weeks now and you won’t admit it’s more than a ‘friends with benefits’ type of thing.”
You opened your mouth to tell her she was wrong, but Charlotte stopped you by putting her hand up and adding; “And now you’ve been glaring at poor Rosie for the last ten minutes for doing his hair - which, you know, is her job.”
“I have not.”
“Sure,” she chuckled mockingly and pressed her lips together to stop herself from grinning. “If you say so.”
Instead of replying you turned around to look at Harry again. He sat across the room from you, getting ready for the last and final show of his tour, with Rosie standing in front of him. Your eyes went to her hands as she ran her fingers through his brown hair and twirled his locks around her fingers to give him a little more definition.
And you had no reason to be jealous - but maybe you were? Just a little bit. Just the tiniest little bit jealous.
Because you now knew just how soft his hair was and that morning you had been the one to soothingly run your hands through it as he rested his head on your chest, cuddling up to you and holding you close.
Still, you really shouldn’t be jealous, because Rosie was only doing her job as his hairstylist and there was absolutely no reason for you to be jealous. None. Nada. Zero.
But then there was also that interviewer who, in your opinion, sat way too close to him and touched his arm a little too often. Laughing and flirting with him like no one else was around. It left a sour taste in your mouth, although you would never admit that outloud. Especially not to Charlotte.
It was only supposed to be a bit of fun. It was never supposed to get to this point. You were only supposed to be the tour photographer. Harry had liked the pictures you had taken of him during one of his Jingle Bell Ball performances a while back. And when his regular photographer wasn’t able to join him on the North American part of his tour, due to a conflict in her schedule, his team reached out and asked if you were available.
You were.
So a couple weeks later you were on a plane, traveling across the Atlantic, and ended up befriending one of the world's biggest pop stars.
How you ended up naked in his bed after the show in Chicago was still something you were trying to figure out.
It kind of just... happened.
One of the crew members had turned 40 and Harry had arranged a big birthday party for him after the show. You weren’t supposed to be working but you couldn’t stop yourself from pulling out your camera, the moment was there and you wanted to capture everyone's good spirits. Harry came up to you, a plate of cake in one hand and a drink in the other, forcing you to take it from him and telling you to put the camera away and have some fun.
One drink turned into another, and another turned into a third, and the third turned into a shot of tequila. It was all just downhill from there.
As the night went on you found yourself being drawn closer to Harry and when his fingers danced across the skin on your thigh you knew there was no going back. An hour later you stumbled into his hotel room, and his hands and lips were all over you as you ripped his shirt from his body before the door was even fully closed behind you.
The next morning you woke up with a raging headache and a belly full of regret because it was terribly unprofessional of you to sleep with the artist you were supposed to be working for. You were sure you were going to be told to pack your bags and go back home.
Of course that didn’t happen and Harry was nothing but sweet. He ordered both of you breakfast and let you sleep off your hangover in his bed while he got himself ready for the day.
Then it kind of just became a thing, because life on the road could be a little lonely and your pink vibrator wasn’t always enough.
It didn't bring you the same warmth Harry did.
And he didn’t seem to mind sharing a bed with you either, even if he sometimes complained about your cold toes rubbing against his legs.
So, really, who were you to say no?
But perhaps you should’ve because now the tour was coming to an end and you had no idea where the two of you stood and the uncertainty of it all was making you jealous of his hairstylist touching him - not ideal.
Which was why you decided to remove yourself from the situation and went to get your camera ready instead. You found yourself a quiet spot in a small corner next to the stage and tried to ignore the immature thoughts about Harry and Rosie running through your mind.
You shouldn't be jealous. It was stupid. Besides you and Harry weren’t anything exclusive. Sure, he made your heart beat twice as fast and made you feel things you had only ever read about in novels before, but you hadn’t told him any of that yet.
And you weren’t really sure how to tell him any of that.
Should you even tell him?
Telling him would make it real and what if he didn’t feel the same... that would certainly be the end of whatever was going on between the two of you.
But it was possible that the end of the tour also represented the end of the two of you, so, maybe you didn’t even have anything to lose by telling him?
You groaned to yourself and ran a hand over your face in frustration, eyes squeezed shut as you tried to drown out your thoughts with the sound from all the screaming fans in the already full-packed arena. The anticipation was high and usually it made your whole body itch with excitement as well, there was just so much love and adoration going around for one person. It was impossible to not be part of it, but tonight it only made your belly twist with anxiety.
You were going to miss it. The loud crowds. The anticipation. The joy radiating off of everyone in the arenas. The ringing in your ears as you got into bed hours later. The sparkle in Harry’s eyes as he looked through the pictures you’d taken and saw the happy faces of his fans.
You were going to miss him. Harry.
It was one of the reasons you hadn’t asked him how he felt about the two of you. If he turned around and said that your late night rendezvous was only a bit of fun while you were on the road... Well, it was something you weren’t ready to hear just yet.
Fuck.
It was also at that exact moment that Harry decided to show up, only a couple minutes before he was due to go out on stage.
“There you are,” he called out when he spotted you, your green trousers and matching striped blazer making you stand out from your little hideout in the dark corner. You watched as he said something to Jeff before making his way over to you. “Been lookin’ for ya for bloody ages - thought I’d have to go on stage without a goodluck from my little ladybug.”
You tried your best to ignore the way your whole body tingled from his little nickname for you; a nickname that started after he noticed the small little ladybug ring you always wore on your right index finger. You had had it since you were twelve and you just couldn’t get rid of it. Ever since you first saw it in the small thrift shop in your hometown it had been your good luck charm.
And once Harry asked about it and learned that you wore it every single day for good luck, he decided it was also the reason why the North American tour had been going so well and didn’t go on stage before you had wished him a good show.
“Well, here I am.”
Harry frowned and stopped in his tracks. You couldn’t look at him, the high waisted trousers and sparkling suit jacket he was wearing made your already racing heart beat even faster.
“Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just getting ready,” you muttered and nodded down to the camera in your hands. You didn’t mean to sound so bitter but the words fell from your lips before you could stop yourself. “Are you all set for the last show then? Maybe you should go find Rosie again to make sure the hair is good.”
You regretted it as soon as you said it, your cheeks turning hot as the last phrase slipped from your tongue.
That was stupid.
His eyes burned through your skin and you knew there was no way he was going to let your snide little remark go. Stupid stupid stupid.
For a moment you contemplated just making a run for it so you could hide in the lively crowd for the whole show and then simply just disappear into the night, so you wouldn’t ever have to look Harry Styles in the eyes ever again.
But something stopped you.
A low, almost inaudible, chuckle fell from the man in front of you and you glanced up at him just as his lips curled into a small smirk, his dimple appearing on his cheek, and you felt your face grow even hotter. “Don’t look at me like that.”
Harry held his hands up innocently.
“I’m not looking at you in any way,” he said, still smirking, and let his tongue poke out to lick his pink lips.
“Yes, you are! I don’t like that-” you started and waved your finger at him, “Whatever it is you're doing with your face.”
“Are you jealous?” Harry asked, ignoring your frustrated little stomp, and took a step closer to you.
“What? No, don’t be ridiculous,” you said, taking a shaky breath and a step backwards away from him, making both of you disappear in the shadows of the dark corner where you had previously been hiding as he followed and continued to come closer.
“You are, aren’t you?”
“I’m not.”
“It’s fine if you are.”
“You really need to stop or I’ll only snap pictures of you from your worst angles tonight.”
Not that he really had any bad angles but that was beside the point. It was absolutely infuriating how he could see right through you so easily.
Harry laughed and took one final step forward, trapping you between his body and the wall. His familiar perfume washed over you and you wanted to bathe in it forever. He always smelled so damn good, and for a moment you forgot about your childish behavior from a couple seconds ago and let yourself get lost in the green of his eyes
“You know you have nothing to be jealous of, right?” Harry told you and reached out to push a strand of your hair away from your face. His fingers gently brushed across the apple of your cheek, making your heart flutter and head fuzzy. He was no longer smirking at you but his lips were still turned upwards. Instead of the smug smirk he was now looking down at you with a soft smile - the same smile you had gotten so used to seeing first thing in the morning, and you were sure you wouldn’t mind if you got to see it every morning for the rest of your life.
“Do I?” you breathed out nervously.
“Well, when we’re back in London I'm gonna make sure to finally take you on a proper date and-”
“What?”
You didn’t mean to cut him off. It just took you completely off guard and the words fell from your lips before you could think twice about it. “You want to take me out on a date in London?”
That caught him a little off guard.
“Oh,” Harry faltered a little and scratched the back of his neck. For the first time there was a hint of nervousness across his otherwise confident features. “I kind of just assumed we would, eh, we don’t have to- I mean if you, um- if you don’t- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed you wanted to continue things back home.”
And you probably really should’ve said something then, but you were at a loss for words. It was the first time either of you had ever mentioned something about seeing each other after the tour was done. You finally had an answer to the question that had swirled around in your head for days and had created the uncertainty and jealousy in the first place. Just like that.
You had spent all day trying to decide whether you should tell him your feelings for him had changed and admit you wanted to see him more, and there he was -- already planning for your first official date.
You really needed to say something.
But someone else beat you to it.
“H!” It was Jeff. “You’ve got less than a minute until you have to get on stage, c’mon!”
Harry turned around and gave his friend a thumbs up, to let him know he had heard him, before he looked down at you again.
“Alright, duty calls I guess,” he said and gave you a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Again, I’m sorry.”
And you knew you had to say something because you couldn’t let him do his final show thinking you didn’t actually want to continue seeing him. Especially when it was the opposite of what you wanted.
“Wait,” you burst out and reached for his hand to stop him from leaving. “I do. I do want to see you.”
Harry’s dimple made another appearance and there was so much more you wanted to say to him. You wanted to tell him how thankful you were to have met him. How happy he made you. How safe you felt in his company. How you could always be yourself around him. How he actually had no right to complain about your cold feet because his own were even colder.
But Jeff beat you again.
“Harry!” He shouted. “Get your ass over here!”
“We probably shouldn’t talk about this right now,” Harry chuckled and pulled you a little closer, his hand still in yours.
“Probably not,” you mumbled and watched as Harry ran his fingers over your dainty little ladybug ring, before lifting your hand to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss to it. His warm lips lingered for a couple seconds on your skin and you could have melted into a puddle right there and then.
“Wish me luck then,” he smiled, his lips still brushing against the skin on top of your hand.
“You don’t need it.”
“Shhh, don’t ruin it now,” he shushed and shook his head lightly. “S’the last show. I need my ladybug luck.”
“If you need your ladybug luck,” you began quietly and pulled your hand away from his. Harry pouted and reached for your hand to have the little ladybug on your ring between you again, but you were quicker and put your arm around his waist. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”
A grin broke out across his face and he didn’t waste any time before pressing his lips to yours in a soft kiss that filled your belly with butterflies. Warmth consumed your whole body as you leaned into the kiss and Harry smiled against your lips. You really could’ve stayed in that moment forever.
“Harry!”
Jeff called his name again.
Harry let out an excessive sigh as he broke your kiss and leaned his forehead against yours. His breath warm on your face and as he pressed his lips to yours again in a short peck you realised you were still smiling as well.
Then he was off to do his final show.
And despite the thousands of ear piercing screams that filled the arena as he entered the stage the sweet little “Good luck” you shouted after him was the loudest one.
.
<3
#HSFICSLAM#Harry Styles fanfiction#Harry Styles fanfic#Harry Styles writing#harry styles x reader#Harry Styles concept#Harry Styles blurb#Harry Styles Drabble
245 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi love the writing! Could you do something angsty around 26 or 35 with max??
Summary: You found out Max cheated on you
Warnings: angst, swearing
Word count: 2.5k
26. “Those things you said yesterday, did you mean them?”
35. “What will you do if we break up?”
'Max is looking at you' you read what your best friend Anthony, an engineer at Red Bull Racing, wrote.
And you worked at Red Bull Racing too, you decided with Max Verstappen, your boyfriend, that this is the best way for you to travel with him. You didn't have a complicated job. You dealt with filtering the negative ad on the team and then you gave it to Victoria to deal with the articles as she knew.
'Okay, let him look,' you write on the piece of paper that Anthony wrote quickly on.
You were at a meeting with all the Red Bull Racing employees, to your bad luck. Being in the same room with Max Verstappen was the last thing you wanted at the time.
Sure, your relationship was beautiful, or it had been anyway. He was whatever you wished from a man and more. He looked like a bad boy but he was the cutest and most thoughtful man you knew and he made you feel safe even when you couldn't see him.
His words still resonate in your mind and you had to make a supernatural effort not to cry.
You knew Max Verstappen loved you. He told you that every day and showed you through the gestures he made. He never gave you a reason to doubt him, and you didn't look for scandal either.
But every time you saw her, a lump appeared in your stomach. Without wanting to, you became careful around you, looking for her or Max. When you saw them talking, you looked for any excuse to go near them.
But your fear was unfounded, wasn't it? Max loved you, you were together for two years and you were fine.
But you also looked at her. She had also had a long-term relationship with Daniil Kvyat, a relationship of almost three years and they have a little girl together. There can be nothing between them.
Anthony has told you several times that Max and Kelly have been spending a lot of time together, at least lately, and you said you weren't worried. Why would you be?
But last night all your worries and fears came upon you at once. Anthony told you he saw Max leave the paddock with Kelly and didn't come back for about three hours. He didn't want to pay attention to this thing but when Anthony went to the driver to show him some sketches he noticed a small bruise on the backside of his neck.
"Really?" he tells you laughing. "How old are you to leave hickeys on your skin? Only teenagers still do that."
You felt all the color drained from your face. Hickey? You never left anything like that on his skin.
Anthony probably realized that what he said was not about you.
"Y/N... I'm so sorry..."
"It's ok," you say and smile at him even though you wanted to die at that moment. "I need a little bath, I'll be right back," you say and get up from the chair.
You started crying in the bathroom. You were disappointed, scared, disgusted, and shocked. To learn that someone you trusted unconditionally had been lying, cheating, and had developed an emotional bond with another woman behind your back was not registering in your brain.
Yes, you weren't a model, you didn't look like one, but Max always told you that you were perfect and that no other woman compares to you.
You literally could not wrap your head around what was happening...
You hoped that your darkest thoughts would never come true, but they did. Max and Kelly. Together. Behind your back.
It feels like every nerve in your body has either frozen or left your vessel completely. Your body literally enters a state of shock; adrenaline. You are absolutely stripped. Vulnerability. Disbelief. Disgust. Horror. Anger. Confusion. Shattering, crippling, traumatizing heartbreak.
Trust, honesty, and respect are necessary for a relationship, and Max just shattered all three at once. You have been the victim of an emotional crime. You ask yourself, how could this person fuck me over like this?
I trusted them.
I loved them.
I was loyal to them.
I kept my end of the fucking bargain.
How could you emotionally manipulate me?
What was I lacking?
Am I the problem?
Truly sickening, reality-twisting, mind-fucking stuff. You just couldn't believe that this was happening to you. Infidelity is something you hear about quite often, in books, movies, the media, or to other people, but not to you. This was somebody you loved with all of your heart, who told you he loved you, who had never shown the slightest inclination of dishonesty or moral transgression or disloyalty.
"Y/N, are you okay?" you heard Anthony behind the door, the fear and worry present in his voice.
"I'm fine," you say, though no one would have believed you. "I'll be there in a moment."
You splashed some water on your face, looked in the mirror, and bit your lip. You looked like hell. The eyes were red, the small veins that irrigated the eyeballs were broken, the face was red, in a combination between the violent crying crisis and the anger you had.
What were you going to do? Will you pretend you didn't know anything? Will you tell him you knew? Were you going to break up with him or were you going to wait for him to break up with you to be with Kelly?
You finally came out of the bathroom and Anthony was waiting for you at the door. He hugged you tight and assured you that everything would be fine. But he had no way of knowing that. It was nothing more than his simple hope that his best friend would not lose her fucking mind.
The phone starts ringing. Anthony lets you go and he goes to see who's calling you. He gives you a worried look. You immediately realized that it was Max who was calling you. Tears began to flow down your cheeks again and Anthony took your reaction as an invitation for him to answer the phone.
"Hey, man," he replies, and you don't hear what Max is saying. "No, she went for a coffee and left her phone on the table. Okay, I'll tell her. Okay, bye."
You approach him after he's finished the call to make sure you don't hear Max's voice.
"He said to go to his room."
"I don't want to see him."
"I realized that. Let's go, we'll deal with this problem later."
You went for a walk. The fresh air calmed you down a bit, but you had all kinds of thoughts in your mind.
How many times has this happened? Did you really want to know that? You really wanted to know how many times he kissed her and then he would come to you and tell you that he loves you.
If Anthony hadn't seen the hickey, how many more times did he planned to cheat on you?
Did he love her? That would have hurt you the most, knowing that you failed to give Max the love he needed and had to look for it in the arms and bed of another woman.
"Just know that I understand your feelings. I've been through this myself." Anthony breaks the silence and you look at him. "To be cheated on, it's a feeling of helplessness and zero self-worth. You feel as if you didn't do enough for that person which is why they reached out for someone else sexually or romantically. You blame it on yourself half the time. You dig for answers in your memories to try to figure out where you went wrong, where things started to go in a different direction. You hope that it won't happen again. You hope that the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" it's just a myth. They broke your trust, how could you ever trust them again, right? You become paranoid when they go out at night or they don't answer your phone calls by the first ring. You find yourself having more down and depressed days than happy days. And a lot of questions will always replay in the back of your mind. Why? Why now? Why with them? How could this be happening to you? No matter how many times you get an answer, it won't be enough. Day after day, it'll get better but worse at the same time."
After two hours you returned to the paddock. You were immediately notified that Max was looking for you everywhere and he was worried he couldn't find you. Ironic, isn't it?
"Y/N!" you hear Max's voice.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" Anthony asks, standing in front of you to block your image of Max.
"No, it's okay. I'll handle it somehow..."
Anthony nods and leaves, staring angrily at Max.
"Hey, I was looking for you everywhere. Are you okay? Your eyes are a little red." he asks and if you didn't know better you'd think he cared.
"Let's go somewhere private."
You went to his room. You sat on his bed and thought about what you could say. You were thinking about what Anthony told you when you walked together.
Max hands you a dose of Red Bull and you take it, feeling your throat very dry.
"We need to talk," you tell him and you feel your eyes start to sting. It was not yet time to start crying.
"Okay? Is something wrong?"
"Is it true what Anthony told me?" you ask and you see that Max doesn't know what you mean; how would he know? "Is it true that you and Kelly spent some time together?"
His face went blank for a moment as he tried to understand.
"What you mean?"
You reach out your trembling hand to the collar of his polo shirt to lower it where Anthony told you it was the mark.
And Anthony was right. There was, in front of you, the hickey Kelly made on him.
Max didn't expect that. He looks at you with wide eyes and you hear his heart start beating harder. Sweat dripped down his forehead.
He looked away from you, numb. You discovered his secret. You didn't know if he was afraid of your reaction or sorry you found out his little secret.
"I didn't intend to hurt you," he says, and you realize he's telling the truth.
He had a guttural voice.
You smile at them. A broken smile that hid the primordial desire to cry and hit him with all your best.
"I don't care about your intentions. They're irrelevant. You didn't intend to hurt me? Well, you didn't intentionally try to keep me from harm either."
You don't know where you had the strength to look into his eyes and not cry. Max looks crushed. Because you found out? Because you're breaking up? Because he has to put an end to the affair with Kelly?
"How long was it actually going on before I found out?"
You see Max trying to think of an answer that doesn't affect you so much or destroy you at all.
"For less than a month," he answers.
One month? Where were you a month ago? In Spain. Did something happen there? Did you notice anything strange about him? To his behavior? No. You didn't notice anything.
Was he really that good at hiding his mistakes?
That, of course, if he considers the relationship with Kelly a mistake.
"Did you ever think of me when you were with her?"
He did not answer. You didn't even know if you wanted to know the answer to that. What would it be like to answer that he never thought of you and that his mind was soaked in serotonin that only Kelly could think of those moments?
"I never stopped loving you."
"I don't believe you loved me while you were cheating on me. Love and betrayal are incompatible. I don't feel safe with that kind of 'love.'"
"So? You're breaking up with me?" Max asks.
Although you still had so much to say, you no longer had the power. You were so mentally and physically exhausted that you just wanted to be alone and cry.
"There's nothing else to do, is there?" you say and leave his room.
Anthony was waiting for you. He noticed that you had no tears on your face and frowned.
"What happened? Did you guys make up?"
You hug Anthony hard and cry. At that moment you gave up being strong. You gave up pretending, even in front of you, that you were fine.
Fuck it, you weren't fine. You were far from fine.
You looked back at Christian Horner, who was presenting something on the video projector. You lost the whole meeting with the crew. You had no idea what was being said.
Honestly, you don't even care what they said. You only worked there because you were Max Verstappen's girlfriend. But for eighteen hours, this was no longer true. So what's stopping you from going to Christian and telling him you're resigning? What keeps you from going home and forgetting about Max, forgetting the last two years of your life and starting over?
"That's it for today, thank you very much, friends, and let's get back to work, yeah?"
Everyone gets up from their seats. Anthony draws your attention and beckons you to look at the garage door.
You could faint then and there. No one and nothing ever prepared you for the emotions you were experiencing then. Kelly Piquet was at the garage door, waiting for the meeting to end. She was staring at Max, but he was just looking at you.
"Can we talk a little?"
You nod to Anthony that you're fine and he can leave. You look at Max and you see that he doesn't look very good. He had dark circles and you're sure he didn't sleep last night either, just like you.
“Those things you said yesterday, did you mean them?” he asks, looking down at his shoes.
"Yes," you answer categorically, looking at his face, waiting for him to raise his head so you can look him in the eye.
“What will you do if we break up? You will leave here or-” you interrupt him.
"Not 'if I break up with you,' we've already gotten over it," you say and Max looks at you with wide eyes. "We already broke up last night. I'm still here because I haven't had a chance to talk to Christian yet to tell him I'm resigning."
"Are you leaving?"
"I have nothing to do here. I came to Red Bull Racing for you."
A tear runs down Max's cheek.
"What can I tell you to stay?"
"There's nothing left to say. Now go," you say and you feel a lump in your throat. "She's waiting for you."
Max turns to the garage door to see who you're talking about.
"I gave her a text message last night and told her it was all a mistake between us."
You smile at him. "Goodbye, Max," you say then you shout for Christian.
#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen oneshot#max verstappen#f1 fanfiction#f1 oneshot#f1 one shot#formula 1 oneshot#f1 fandom#f1 2021#f1#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#red bull racing#formula one oneshot#formula one imagine#forumula one#formula one#formula 1
300 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
yaboidom
That One Guy With The Hair
evan-hand-soap
Aloha and Salutations
callioeta
no constant aesthetic
elliewilkinson24
Ellie Wilkinson
shayankarimi5
Music