#then again i am a fan of writing characters with strengths more than just physical or magical | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ryuuaka713 · 3 years

Text

Bungou Stray Dogs Dead Apple: “You used corruption, believing in me? How Beautiful.” A “DISSECTION” OF THE SCENE

I mentioned before in one of the posts by @nataliaphantomhivesblog, where we were discussing about the corruption scenes in BSD, that the scene in Dead Apple is my favorite. So, I decided (like any SKK trash) to make an “analysis” of that scene, just to make a point why I like it the most compared to the other corruption scenes (as if this post is the definition of being productive like I’ll just wasting my time rambling here LOL)

I divided this post into two parts. Part 1 is the more difficult one where I am attempting to write some “character analysis”. While Part 2 is more about how the scene is composed (it’s pretty boring. I’m sorry)

I will NOT include the infamous Lap scene (I know. I know. We all love that moment. But I would rather focus on the scenes before that).

Side note: I do not specialize in film or literary critique, so really this whole post is just for fun. Thus, why I put quotes on the analysis. Take this is as my personal opinion where I’m attempting to make sense by making it sound “fancy”.

But anyway. Here it goes:

In every Corruption scene, the thematic notion is always Trust—as in Chuuya trusts Dazai well enough to use his ability so long as he is present to nullify it. It is a very life-threatening process, especially for Chuuya since Corruption, despite being one of the most powerful abilities, can cause self-destruction the longer he uses it. So, Dazai should keep a close watch on him at all times, and then even giving him a sense of comfort to compensate to Chuuya’s worn-out body and for his efforts. This is the same trajectory in all 5 episodes of Corruption, but out of all of them, what stood out the most (for me) is the scene from Dead Apple.

This scene has amazed me ever since I first watched the movie. And while it just shows their infinite trust, the whole execution of this scene evokes more than just that thematic concept. What I see in this scene is something that all of us have already witnessed, but there is something unique in the way Dazai nullifies Chuuya’s corruption, and their dialogue may be just them bantering and yet, their tonality is different. It is as if, we just touched a moment that is reserved only for these two and we just happened to have the privilege to witness it. In other words, there is a sort of familiarity (or intimacy) and gentleness going on at this very moment—it is cathartic. This is what I want to look into—like how did we come to this?

PART 1: His Proper Partner.

In the Japanese version, ever since the episode where Chuuya made his first debut, they call themselves “aibou” (相棒), referring to a one-on-one partnership. While “nakama” (仲間)can also refer to a partner, it has a different connotation in which the closest English equivalent of that term would be “comrade” or “acquaintance”. The closest English equivalent of “aibou” is, to no one’s surprise, “partner” (or “pal”). And it makes sense, considering that the first kanji (相) can mean “mutual”, “together”, or “each other”. So, to have Dazai and Chuuya referring to themselves as that, it just manifests their familiarity on each other.

And in their case, their “familiarity” is both their advantage and disadvantage. It is a “disadvantage” because they use it to get on each other’s nerves (both in comedic and serious situations).

However, it also serves to their advantage, especially when they have to cooperate in the battlefield. This comes into light in the Lovecraft Episode where they executed Operation Shame and Toad—Chuuya acknowledges Dazai’s tactical mentality, whereas Dazai (as he referenced Chuuya’s mastery in martial arts) let’s his partner do the grunt work. Interesting enough, this is the same episode we first see Chuuya’s Corruption (but not the first time he uses it).

Using Corruption stipulates that “familiarity”, especially in Dazai’s part who has to be present to monitor Chuuya’s physical state, therefore he is aware, not just the consequence in using Corruption, but also of Chuuya’s limit. This explains why Dazai declares that he is aware of Chuuya’s moves and “breathing pattern”, otherwise, as what he himself says, he “won’t be a proper partner”.

What is witnessed in the Lovecraft Episode is the standard protocol that Soukoku uses when they are at their last resort. So, it is not a surprise that we get to witness Chuuya using Corruption, again, when he saves Dazai in Dead Apple, except it is done differently.

Even though Dazai is ten steps ahead of the enemy, the situation is still risky and even more complicated in Chuuya’s part since he is using his ability WITHOUT Dazai present. And that he has to save Dazai first before he can get it nullified. With that being said, it requires a careful approach, one in which they know the other’s moves—Dazai knows too well how Chuuya would react. For instance, the manga version of Dead Apple demonstrates how Soukoku communicates in their operation using “codes”. As such when Dazai got himself kidnapped, no one knew about his whereabouts until Hirotsu mentions about Dazai buying a microscope (to which it leads them to a dead end). However, Chuuya—upon remembering that Dazai teases that he needs a microscope in order to see him—demands to see that microscope, breaks it, and finds the transmitter. It is a well-planned strategy in Dazai’s part where all it takes is to leave helpful clues for Chuuya to pick up and catalyze the operation. In the Dead Apple movie, he does it again:

Indeed, for the audience, it is not new to see Dazai planning ahead and having ulterior motives behind his actions. It is not new to see Chuuya executing his plans and understands his motives either. But seeing these two working together despite those four years of absence, and without physically communicating is beyond human comprehension. Almost like the microscope scene, Dazai is not there to directly tell him about his plan. Chuuya doesn’t know about the antidote until that punch as his only “clue” is that Dazai is working alone, so he sees that something is amiss.

Seeing the critical state of Yokohama, Chuuya knows that he will use Corruption, but seeing Dazai’s corpse, it gives this uncertainty on whether they can make it out alive or not. And yet, what did Chuuya do? He jumped off the plane and activates his ability, knowing that there is “no time to chicken out” or else Dazai’s plan won’t work, and they’ll end up dead. Even if it means doing the job to protect the city, it still takes guts for Chuuya to work and place his life on someone he “hates”. Despite those 4 years of absence, the scene in Dead Apple just manifests that they never doubt each other’s capabilities. And to further validate this, let’s check out their dialogue:

Dazai: You used Corruption, believing in me? How beautiful.

Chuuya: Yeah I did. I believe in your disgusting vitality and craftiness.

Dazai: That was a somewhat violent way to wake up Snow White.

Chuuya: Tch. You’re the one who hid an antidote your mouth knowing I would punch you.

Not only does this scene perfectly parallels to the Lovecraft episode where we see Soukoku bantering while still in a critical situation, it also emphasizes the degree of their trust and how that trust has taken root from their familiarity.

Dazai: You used Corruption, believing in me? How beautiful.

Chuuya: Yeah I did. I believe in your disgusting vitality and craftiness.

Dazai’s first line is the main idea of their partnership, echoing Chuuya’s quote from the Lovecraft episode: “I used Corruption because I trust you”. This is a vital aspect in their relationship since it has been stated before in Fifteen and Stormbringer that “no one has trusted Dazai”… until Chuuya comes into the picture. Ever since their first teamwork against Rimbaud, Dazai finally has someone he can rely on both in strength and assurance, even smiling at the fact that Chuuya doesn’t even deny his proposal but merely asks for his reason.

With that being said, then it is appropriate for Dazai to say that line, touched by the idea that Chuuya still constantly trusts him. It just reminisced so much from what they have as children that it seems to this day, they never forgotten about it.

On the other hand, in Chuuya’s end, he confirms that trust and provides a reason, which is appropriate since Chuuya is Dazai’s “reason-living” like in Fifteen:

Chuuya’s line—“I believe in your disgusting vitality and craftiness”—is very similar in the excerpt from Fifteen, and this just shows how that line from the movie indicates his familiarity to Dazai. By “familiarity”, I mean that he knows his partner’s mental process and motives (as I have mentioned above). In this case, it seems like Chuuya has seen something that he and Dazai have in common: the desire to live. Of course, the latter always craves for death, but with his new viewpoint on Death, his mission in fulfilling Oda’s wish, and the fact that he is tethered to someone who wished to live, Dazai just couldn’t die. And Chuuya, being his constant companion, knows this. This is why Chuuya “believes” that whatever plan Dazai has on mind, it will always work, and in the scenario in Dead Apple it starts by taking a leap into Corruption—which is ironically, the very thing that could kill Chuuya, and by extent, would cause Dazai’s death if the plan is not well-thought or if they don’t work together. By referring to his “vitality and craftiness”, Chuuya is acknowledging his familiarity on Dazai, admitting their “rotten relationship”, and justifying his trust on him.

Dazai: That was a somewhat violent way to wake up Snow White.

Chuuya: Tch. You’re the one who hid an antidote your mouth knowing I would punch you.

Another interesting thing I find in the dialogue is Dazai’s line: “That was a somewhat violent way to wake up Snow White”. Fans think that this is Dazai flirting, where he is implying that he wants to be kissed by Chuuya the same way the prince does to Snow White. For me, I think this little dialogue is more than just fanservice since it makes sense, not only in the context of the movie containing motifs of a “poisoned” apple. I think the reference of the fairytale in this dialogue not only foreshadows his “death”, but it also highlights their dynamic whenever they work together with Dazai acting childish and Chuuya knowing that he is actually being serious (or the fact that he cracks some jokes in most Post-Corruption scenes). This is still related to the whole “familiarity” theme that I have been rambling about; as mentioned before, Dazai and Chuuya would use whatever they know about each other just to rile each other up. These moments are generally meant for comedic effect, but these teasing and bickering can serve as their advantage.

Similar to the microscope scene I have mentioned, Dazai makes that microscope comment seem like a childish joke on the surface, however, Chuuya picks this up as a clue and sees his real motive. This kind of synergy is seen again in the prologue of the movie where Dazai jokes about Chuuya getting hit by bullets when he is in close range of the enemy, and yet, the latter takes it as a warning that an ability-user is nearby. We really don’t know if Dazai leaves a Snow White-related clue for Chuuya before the events in Dead Apple (it would have been pretty cool tho), but that dynamic in the microscope incident and prologue is very similar to that dialogue we see in the movie: Dazai is being playful, but Chuuya sees and calls out his ulterior motives. This is how Soukoku works!

PART 2: The Art of Catharsis

The relationship of Soukoku in the battlefield is one of the best teamwork we have seen in the anime. Both parties are synchronized in the way that Dazai’s brains and No Longer Human, and Chuuya’s fighting skills and Corruption perfectly compliment each other. Moreover, we also see the basis of that partnership, and this is something that the creators want to highlight in this scene (in other words, how did the animators deliver this dynamic?)

In my opinion, I think the words “gentleness” and “cathartic” fit in this scene. To start off, before this moment takes place, we have witnessed Chuuya fighting the Dragon.

That scene was intense! Chuuya activates Corruption, generates into pure destruction with him yelling Dazai’s name (despite the fact that he is not supposed to be in a proper mindset). The way this scene plays out is interesting; in the shot, we see the two main figures (the Dragon and Chuuya) mostly in red—which is a very vibrant color—in contrast to the blue and green background. By using the color that pops out, the attention is on them, and it is topped with the amount of action in that moment. Not to mention, the background music, containing a rock music and a rap, elevates that energy. It is a scene that heightens the adrenaline, so the audience can empathize with Chuuya—understanding him as a character that is full of life, and also his hastiness to kill it before he runs out of time.

When that fight is over, we notice that the music alters into a string orchestra. This is a very good change because the tempo is slower—a direct contrast to the rap music—as if it is slowly bringing the audience down from the hype in the fighting scene the same way Chuuya slowly goes down and hovers Dazai’s body. The music immediately stops right on cue when the punch happens, then the audience is left in silence. Usually in films, silence is used for the purpose of anticipation. In this case, the anticipation is placed on whether Chuuya’s punch and/or the pill worked and saved Dazai.

The transition from the white background into a blue background should indicate that Dazai is alive. And yet, the animators did this subtly rather than showing Dazai’s face (like in Season 1 episode 1), just so the audience is still in the state of anticipation (add that with the white noise in the background). Furthermore, there is a fairytale quality in that shot, like this is similar to when Sleeping Beauty (in this case “Snow White”) wakes up, that’s when the colors in the castle come back.

Getting close to that iconic shot, I love how the animators keep the “camera” in the same place (Chuuya’s face), that way we can further empathize with Chuuya by seeing a close shot of his state: he was at his limit! But as soon as the blood starts moving away from the screen, we can see a bandaged hand moving to his face. And then, finally!

Words cannot describe how much I appreciate the details of that scene, especially on Dazai’s gesture. He moves his hand slowly but quick enough to nullify him right on time. Not to mention, he does not just touch his cheek but rather cups it (look at the shape of his hand!). One can say that the gentleness in Dazai’s gesture is the exact opposite to Chuuya’s punch, and this sort of contrast further highlights the catharsis in this scene. In other words, after all of that intensity with the fight and seeing Chuuya’s bloody state, it is relieving to see that familiar hand touching him, indicating that Chuuya can rest. And seeing that we witnessed and empathize with him, we know what it feels like.

With that being said, that’s why the third shot above where the hand is fully placed on his cheek and he made a short gasp is my personal favorite. It is the contrast in Chuuya’s face where we can still see “Corruption”, and Dazai’s hand to which he activates “No Longer Human”. I have seen some people complaining about how they want to see Dazai’s face in this scene; personally, I think this scene is animated brilliantly as it is. It is only fair to see a close up of Dazai’s hand to indicate that he is nullifying “Corruption”, after all, “No Longer Human” is works through touch. To top it off, the beauty in “not seeing the face” is more powerful because it leaves more to the imagination—we don’t know specifically what kind of face Dazai is making, but the way that hand moves alone is enough to tell us what he is thinking at that moment. And finally, upon contact, we see Chuuya making a slight twitch—this is when Corruption recognizes No Longer Human and deactivates. This is when Chuuya recognizes that familiar touch and knows that his partner is finally awake, so he can finally rest.

Then we have that iconic shot! Like the one I mentioned above, the camera stays in one place, only this time, it is a long shot, so the focus is on them (thus they are on the middle). Interesting enough, there is no background music in this scene, and we can’t see their expressions. Usually, in this anime, when a character is seen faceless, in order to determine what they are thinking are feeling, the animators would usually make them do a gesture or a dialogue.

In this scene, where everything is silent and their faces “unseen”, our focus goes to their exchanges. Both Mamoru and Taniyama use their “bedroom voices”, and I think it is appropriate considering that their dialogue contains a deeper meaning in regards of their relationship. In other words, as mentioned before, it may seem like another day of bantering, but with their tone, there is something sincere and intimate in what they are saying. Also, the playfulness in Dazai’s comment and Chuuya’s response hits different compared to their other moments of constant yelling. You really don’t need the close up of their faces in order to see that they are at peace in each other’s company.

In addition, the color scheme of the scene is predominantly blue, which makes sense, not just because of Dazai’s ability, but also because it highlights the serenity in the scene. The blue color, the orb, and the bandages that glide silently are animated in a way that they buffer out the red that we have seen back with Corruption, and also indicates a sense of “protection” (which is later seen in the lap scene when Dazai has to protect Chuuya from the fog). In short, the ambiance perfectly fits with how Dazai is there to give Chuuya a sense of comfort in Post-Corruption, letting him rest so that he can compensate for all that he did.

**********

The scene in Dead Apple is something that lies in between of the familiar and the new—we have seen Dazai and Chuuya in this situation before, we know how they function as a team, and we know the level of risk they are taking. But this is something that we have never seen before; like subtleness in his gestures, the softness in their tones, and the fact that these two are in a position where they are saving each other, which becomes part of their instincts. They show how much they trust each other by knowing how much they knew of each other. They acknowledge the fact that their fates are tethered regardless of the years of absence. And finally, it is not just the Prince saving Snow White, but rather: the Prince saves Snow White and Snow White saving him in return.

OK, I just literally fried my brain. If you’ve read this far, I thank you so much for your time! I am so sorry if this is too long. I welcome for any critiques or discussions. So yeah, that’s my ted-talk

#soukoku #bsd #bsd analysis #dazai x chuuya #skk #Dazai Osamu #Nakahara Chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bsd manga #bsd dead apple #dead apple #bsd fifteen #bungou stray dogs #I dont even know if this makes sense #That moment when I said that I can make a five-paged essay of this and realized it's no longer a joke (*ﾉωﾉ)

489 notes · View notes

sarcasmandships · 3 years

Text

honey and glass ~ spencer reid

i am in love with spencer reid but he only has eyes for jennifer jareau

spencer reid x reader angst + hurt/comfort (sorta, it’s all in first person but with no names/no specific descrptions)

song fic inspired by ‘honey and glass’ by peyton cardoza

word count: 4.8k

disclaimer: i do not ship jeid or think they had any chemistry but it’s a good opportunity for angst x

you know those kinds of girls who look like they're made of honey and glass like sticky sweet ash

it’s a summers night in california and i’m on the beach at sunset.

the sand is rough under my toes and a warm, gentle breeze blows a strand of my hair across my face; he lifts his hand to brush it away. tucking it behind my ear he stares down at me and the sun hits his face at a perfect angle, illuminating his hazel eyes like pools of honey. he leans in and i-

“ow!” i yelp, as morgan launches the volleyball at my head, “what was that for?”

“come and play,” he laughs, waving me over to where he stands with emily and hotch.

i shake my head, “no, i don’t feel like it,” i mumble, massaging my left temple where the ball bounced off my skull.

morgan rolls his eyes and jogs past where i’m sitting to collect the ball, “what’s up with you then?” he teases.

i shrug, “nothing. I’m just tired,” i say feigning an unconvincing yawn, “ask one of them to play.”

i motion with my head towards spencer and jj, they’re down by the edge of the waves and she throws her head back and laughs at something he says. her sheets of blonde hair ripple through the wind and he looks at her in pure awe and amazement as she giggles at something he said.

“nah, don’t wanna interrupt the kid when he’s trying to make a move,” morgan shrugs, “come play with us, we need an extra person.”

an extra person.

right.

because what else am i but another body to fill the space?

“i don’t want to,” i say, forcing myself to tear my eyes away from jj and spencer as i stand up, “hotch said the jet is leaving first thing tomorrow, i’m gonna head back to the hotel and get some sleep.”

morgan says something, but i don’t register it as i allow myself one last glance at spencer and jj. she is trying to convince him to paddle in the waves with her, he shakes his head but when she takes his hand in hers i can tell he’s melting inside as he follows her into the water.

and i just know that he’d follow her so far out to sea that his head was underwater as long as she kept their hands intertwined.

i turn away from morgan so he doesn’t see the tears burning in my eyes.

and you can't get the taste off your tongue burnt sugar and a little bit of rum

we’re in a dimly lit bar somewhere.

hotch left hours ago, he wanted to take advantage of one of the rare nights he would be there to read jack a bedtime story.

rossi is at a table in the corner, sitting with a woman who has not-so-subtly draped her leg over him.

derek is out of my line of sight and i’m thankful for that.

emily, garcia, and jj are dancing.

i sit at the table with spencer, he’s drunk.

more tipsy than drunk i think, but he so rarely drinks anything that the sight of him swaying along to the music was an anomaly. i can’t ignore the fact that his eyes are firmly fixed on jj as she dances, and i grip my wine glass so tightly i half expect it to shatter in my hand.

he leans across to me and my heart skips a beat as i inhale the alcohol on his breath, “i’m in love with her, y’know,” he slurs.

“i know, spencer,” i smile sadly and down the rest of my wine.

he doesn’t even notice when i grab my coat from behind him and shuffle towards the door.

and she dances in the rain with her clothes on drenched to the bone never knows when she's all gone, she's the life of the party

spencer and i are watching the big bang theory.

neither of us particularly like it, but there aren’t many channels on our hotel room tv and spencer enjoys the physics references at least. i watch his face light up as a character mentions something about quantum theory that i cant understand, and spencer launches into a rant about the universe and the stars.

i don’t have the knowledge to keep up with him or the heart to tell him to stop so i sit and listen, admiring the way his eyes sparkle and his hands gesticulate when no one interrupts him with a deprecating comment.

we sit there like that for the rest of the night, in our respective twin beds with him telling me the secrets of the universe and me wondering how on earth i will ever get over him.

and deep down I know that nobody flinches when she takes off her clothes

“anything you like?” emily asks me through the dressing room curtain.

“i’m not sure…” i mumble in response, biting down on my lip as i stare at myself in the mirror, “i-i don’t think this is my colour.”

the dress looked so beautiful on the hanger, but now that it’s on my body the fabric bunches up in all the wrong places and i can’t recall a time that i’ve looked worse.

the lights are just washing you out, i tell myself.

you’re having a bad hair day, it would look better with your hair down, i tell myself.

you just need some lipstick, i tell myself.

but when jj announces she has found the perfect dress and i stick my head out of the curtain to see her, i am slapped in the face with the realisation that it isn’t the lighting or my lack of makeup it’s just me.

because jj looks beautiful as always, her dress hugs her waist and the skirt fans out around her as emily demands she gives us a spin. she isn’t wearing makeup, her hair is in a ponytail too, the lights don’t wash her out because she is radiant and flawless, and the lights aren’t the problem.

i am.

i cry in my car as i drive home from the mall, and when i get home i tear everything out of my fridge and fling it into the trashcan. i vow to go to the store and stock up on salad and chicken.

i go to the store but i don’t buy salad.

and I wonder what it's like to be one of those girls to sit in the sun and look at the world and never think, "wow, am i enough?" ‘cause life is easy when you know that you're the main character

i’m in hotch’s office as he grills me about a stupid mistake i made in the field. i can hardly focus on his words as i shrink back in the chair, counting all the reasons that i don’t deserve to be in this job.

i’m not as smart or fast or strong as the others. i don’t have an eidetic memory or hacker skills and i can’t even maintain myself as a solid average agent because i keep fucking up.

“i’m not going to write you up,” he says, and my heart soars a little in my chest, “but i need you to understand that if you do something like that again i won’t have any choice, you were lucky no one got hurt today.”

i nod silently and blink back the tears that threaten to spill over.

“go home, get some rest,” he says and i don’t hang around for a second longer, darting out of his office i crash headfirst into a tall frame.

“wow, slow down,” he chuckles, resting a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

“spencer,” i gasp, looking up at his sympathetic smile, “what are you still doing here? we landed hours ago….”

he shrugs, “i waited for you.”

my heart skips a beat.

“you didn’t have to do that.”

he shakes his head, “you’re my best friend, i wanted to. plus i thought you might need someone after being in there with hotch.”

i swallow and offer him a slightly forced smile.

best friend.

“thanks, spence, that means a lot.”

he looks at me quizzically.

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing, just only jj calls me spence…anyways” he holds out his arm for me, “shall we go?”

i have to restrain myself from seizing his arm, and settle for tentatively wrapping my own around it, “thanks spencer…you’re such a good friend.”

he smiles down at me and its almost enough to melt away the icy feeling in my heart as i call him a friend. the coldness in my chest in my chest is a feeling i’ve grown accustomed to but when i’m with him everything is warm and bright again.

he feels like yellow.

and i feel like maybe i am enough.

and I'm sitting here thinking this is not fair

i feel like blue.

i’m alone in my apartment flicking through tv channels, trying to find something that isn’t a medical or crime drama. because after my day at work i can’t look at any more blood or dead bodies, even if its as fake as the pep in my voice when jj calls to ask if i’m okay.

“hotch grilled you pretty bad, huh? you sure you’re okay?”

“yeah, spence – spencer – waited for me and we went to get milkshakes after.”

“aww that’s so nice, you know i think he has a soft spot for you,” she teases.

something acidic bubbles in my throat, but i can’t tell her that i know she’s wrong because he spent half the night telling me how much he loves her. i have to gather the strength to respond without the venom in my heart poisoning my voice.

“oh, i don’t think so,” i laugh, “anyways, i should go – my movie is about to start.”

jj tells me to have a good night before she hangs up, and i switch off the tv. at this time there’s noting but romcoms and i don’t want to sit through hours of pining when its on replay every day at the office.

i watch my own reflection in the blank tv screen as sobs wrack my body.

but her smile makes it hard to be mad it's not her fault that I'm so fucking sad

jj holds me in her arms as i cry into her chest, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay,” she coos, rubbing soft circles on my back.

i sniffle against her and i just know that my eyes are puffy and red but i can’t switch off the floods of tears that fall from them.

“do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” she asks.

i shake my head against her because how could i tell her?

how could I tell her that the man i love is in love with her?

and that i want to resent her for it but i can’t because she’s such a good fucking friend that she’s sitting here with me, unknowingly wiping the tears that i can’t stop shedding because i can’t be her.

she gives me one of those heart warming smiles that could bring peace to a dying man, and in that moment i am reminded again of why he loves her. there are worse people to love, i suppose. if spencer is going to cut out his heart and give it to someone it might as well be someone like her.

but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

and i hate myself for the part of me that hates her. she’s done nothing wrong. it’s not her fault that that spencer loves her, and its not her fault that she doesn’t realise.

so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun

i hate alaska.

my teeth chatter as we trudge through the snow filled field, and i pull the cuffs of my coat over my glove cladded hands. i hate the cold. i hate alaska. i hate the serial killer who dragged us all out here. i hate the impending snowstorm that was keeping the jet grounded for another night.

“should we even be out here?” i groan, “i mean if it’s not safe for the plane, then surely its not safe for us.”

“we aren’t 50,000 feet up in the sky though,” morgan says and i roll my eyes at him.

“it’s cold enough to make me feel like we are,” i huff.

spencer nods sympathetically at me, “i don’t like the cold either, not much snow in vegas.”

“i think we should have two behavioural analysis units,” i begin, “one to catch serial killers in cold climates, and the other in hot ones.”

he laughs, “i’d like that, but i think it’d just be us and garcia on the hot team.”

“we’d get by.”

he’s grinning at me, his messy brown curls are squashed down under his bobble hat but a few of them still manage to peak out. he’s wearing a multicoloured striped scarf and mismatched gloves.

a snowflake lands on his eyelash and i reach out to brush it off.

“thanks.”

“anytime.”

morgan launches a snowball at us, and it hits me in the back of the head, “hey! what is it with you and throwing things?” i snap.

morgan roars with laughter.

“not funny derek!”

he resumes his snowball fight with emily and jj and i draw my arms across my chest. i watch as they prance about in the snow, falling to avoid the snowballs launched by the others and laughing when they get hit. the sun is just starting to set, and it’s rays catch jj’s hair at the perfect angle, bouncing off the golden blonde strands as she dances around morgan. her and emily have joined forces to pelt him with snowballs.

i look up at spencer to see him starting at her in awe. his nose and cheeks are flushed from the cold, and the sun reflects against his own face, illuminating his eyes. they’re beautiful. like honey and glass.

“guys! come join us!” jj calls.

i shake my head, “there’s not enough money in the world.”

she pouts at me, “spence, please,” she says sweetly and before i know it he’s by her side and scooping up snow.

i watch from the side-lines.

spencer roars with laughter when emily hits morgan square in the face with a snowball, he wraps an arm around jj as she nearly collapses from laughter, something twinges in my stomach.

but he looks so happy, and that melts my glacier heart slightly.

maybe alaska wasn’t so bad after all.

and maybe one day, i can forget the past and be one of those girls of honey and glass

“nice to meet you, agent,” agent fitz says, holding out his hand, “we’ve heard good things about you up in the new york office.”

“really?” i say, shaking his hand and i can’t fight the smile that creeps across my face.

“really. give me a call if you ever fancy a change of scenery.”

“i’ll keep that in mind, agent fitz,” i give him a nod and a smile as he walks away.

new york was cold in the winter, but it didn’t seem like the worst place in the world.

but I think that it's hard for people to see that I love all these girls, and honestly it doesn't matter what you look like or how much you weigh

i wondered once how i’d ever get over my love for spencer reid, and now as he sits and sobs on my couch i realise that i don’t want to. it hurts me to love him, and something stabs my heart every time i catch him staring at her, but he deserves someone to love him like he loves her.

“i guess i’m just starting to realise that she’ll never love me back, and i don’t know why or what’s wrong with me,” he says and looks up at me, his eyes filled with tears and his face blotchy and red.

“there’s nothing wrong with you,” i say, wrapping an arm around him and wiping his tears, “sometimes the people you love just don’t love you back, but that’s not a reflection of you or your self-worth,” i reiterate to him the mantra i say in my mirror every morning.

he whimpers and my heart breaks for him.

“it doesn’t feel that way, it feels like i’m dying inside every time she talks about him or tells me about their dates, and i try to be a good friend but-”

his voice cracks and another sob escapes his chest and i tighten my grip around him; heartbreak doesn’t seem to get easier with age, because here we are, two fbi agents in our late twenties crying over our crushes like we are in junior high.

because before i know it the tears are flowing down my face faster than his and when he breaks away from our embrace to ask me why i’m crying, i can’t tell him it’s because i am feeling everything he is.

“i just don’t like seeing you like this,” is all i can muster up.

it's just that these girls know they're okay there's a beauty in knowing your place in the world in loving yourself and knowing your worth

“hey!” spencer greets me as he steps into the elevator with me.

“hi,” i mumble back, taking another sip of coffee from my travel cup.

we’ve been called in on a case, but i’ve barely had any sleep and i’m struggling to keep my eyes open.

“you look tired, are you okay?”

you look tired.

so the bags under my eyes were obvious then.

“yeah,” i say, swallowing the lump in my throat, “just a late night, y’know.”

“oh…oh! is that your way of saying your date went well?” he says with a coy grin.

“what?”

oh! something clicks in my brain and i understand what he means.

“no! not like that no…actually it didn’t go well at all, he turned out to be a total misogynistic creep,” i say with a bitter laugh.

“oh, i’m sorry….”

i shrug and take another swig of coffee, “it’s okay, you didn’t know. to be honest i’ll probably end up calling him again anyways.”

spencer stares at me, confused, “why would you do that?”

“well, i don’t exactly have guys falling over themselves for me, do i?”

spencer frowns and i can see his brain working overtime behind his eyes, “so you’re just going to settle for less than you deserve?”

“i don’t have many other options do i?”

he reaches out an arm to place a comforting hand on my shoulder, “don’t worry, you’ll find the right guy for you soon. it’s only a matter of time, you’re worth more than a misogynistic creep,” he squeezes my shoulder and before i know it we’ve already reached our floor and he’s gone.

you’ll meet the right guy for you soon.

what if i already have?

you don't have to be perfect or never get sad that's not what it means to be honey and glass

it’s late and i sit at my desk, sorting through piles of paperwork.

my eyes blur as i enter the gruesome details of our latest case, from fatigue or tears i can’t tell. i think emily and hotch are still hanging around the office somewhere, but the others had gone to dinner as soon as we landed, promising that they would do their paperwork tomorrow.

i knew i would have no appetite sitting across a table from spencer and jj so i had sat silently in the back of the suv as hotch drove us back to the office.

a singular tear rolls down my cheek and splatters on my page, smudging the not-quite-dry-yet ink. i let out a shaky breath and wipe my eyes, i don’t know why i’m crying really.

no one had necessarily done anything wrong. only when we were in the field and the unsub had detonated the bomb, spencer chose to push jj out of the way instead of me. i was lucky that one of the s.w.a.t agents had grabbed my arm in time and pulled me back to safety.

it had been hours and my ears were still ringing from the explosion.

maybe spencer thought he was closer to jj, that he had a better chance of saving her, we are trained to make difficult choices based on survival odds, i told myself.

only spencer hadn’t been closer to jj, and she was surrounded by three s.w.a.t agents whilst i only had one next to me. but no one had really done anything wrong, no one died, no one even broke a bone. and it pains me to admit to myself but had i been in spencer’s position and had to chose between saving him or morgan, i know that would pull spencer out of the way every single time.

i jump as emily creeps up behind me, “hey, you okay?”

i don’t even try and disguise my puffy, red eyes or tear tracks as i look up at her, “no. but i think that’s okay.”

and everyone has their highs and their lows the nights you spend crying, believe me, I know

it’s roslyn’s birthday.

i don’t think anyone else in the team knows because they keep exchanging looks whenever jj snaps at one of them and i can see the annoyance in their eyes.

when jj barks at spencer and snaps her pencil within the space of five minutes i drag her into a storage closet and wrap my arms around her.

“shhh,” i say soothingly, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.”

jj shakes her head, “i don’t think so, i thought this day would get easier with time but it’s just getting worse,” she sniffles.

i stroke her hair, “i know, i know its horrible and you deserve to cry as much as you want to. but you are so strong, and i know you can get through this-”

“i’m not,” jj shakes her head, “i’m not strong or brave or anything that you all think i am, i’m not like you I-”

“like me?” i question.

“you always hold yourself together, whenever there’s a case with a kid i’m falling to pieces but you keep it together. i mean i’m the one crying in a storage closet….”

i stare at her in disbelief, because jj is the strongest woman i know and i don’t understand how she can’t see that.

“i don’t have a sister who killed herself jj,” i say slowly, “you have survived 100% of the bad things that have happened to you because you’re a fighter, that makes you strong.”

she shakes her head and clings to me, “but i’ve lost pieces of myself, i’m not the same person i could’ve been if life had been kinder to me and that makes me sad. my sister is dead and that makes me sad, everyone thinks i’m this strong and perfect person and that makes me feel guilty because i can’t be that person.”

in a turn of events, she is crying into my chest, her hair is greasy, and her mascara runs and i realise that my best friend was never truly on the pedestal i placed her on. and i realise i am part of the problem, treating jj like she is the be all and all of perfection and unattainablity when i should just be treating her like a friend.

spencer loves her and that kills me but it’s not what’s important right now. i’ve spent too long inside my own head, struggling to view her as my best friend or the other woman but now i see that she is someone that needs my help.

i know what it’s like to cry myself to sleep so i don’t want jj to go through something like that alone. so i vow there and then, to push my own feelings aside and be whatever she needs me to be.

i don't want to be these girls for beauty or fame but for the confidence they have in their own damn name

“smile!” garcia says as she appears with a camera.

emily, jj, and morgan turn to face her and pose but i duck out of the frame. garcia pouts and morgan grabs onto my forearm to pull me back into shot. i wish that i had the self-confidence to let him, to fall in next to him and make a silly pose at the camera and not worry if my hair was sitting nicely or if i was breathing in enough.

“come on! i need pictures for my scrapbook and you’ve been dodging me all night!” she whines.

i stare down at my feet, “garcia i’m not photoshoot ready like these guys,” i say, trying to make my voice light and floaty but it just sounds like im choking back tears.

“come on, just one picture,” jj says kindly, waving for me to come and stand next to her.

i shake my head again and wring my hands. the last thing i need is another photograph of jj and i to compare myself to every time i’m feeling extra low and self-destructive.

i try and remember the vow i made, to be there for my friend despite my own feelings. but she isn’t sad anymore, she’s happy and smiling and drinking wine, me squeezing in between her and emily for a stupid photograph isn’t going to make or break her.

it’s just a stupid photograph.

“no thanks,” i choke, “i’m going to get another drink,” i scurry away to the kitchen before anyone can object.

i shut the door quickly behind me and press my back up against it, taking a deep breath. i can’t quite believe i was successful in escaping garcia again.

“are you avoid garcia and her camera too?”

“spencer!” i laugh shrilly, “i didn’t even see you there.”

“yeah, i’ve been hiding in here for a half hour,” he smiles sadly, “i hate having my picture taken, especially next to morgan. he makes me look even lankier if possible.”

i frown, spencer had no reason to feel insecure.

“why don’t we get garcia to take a picture of just us two?” i suggest nervously, “you won’t have any reason to feel insecure next to me….”

he looks at me quizzically, “what do you mean?”

i wring my hands again, “just that you’ll automatically look even better if i’m next to you…cos’ i’m…well y’know,” i say awkwardly motioning to my face and body.

he cocks his head to the side, “are you trying to tell me you think you’re ugly, so i’ll look better by comparison?”

i shrug.

“well, i think you look beautiful.”

so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun

we’re on the plane journey home.

spencer and jj sit next to each other, their arms pressed together as they share the arm rest. spencer is reading a book; his eyes scan down the pages at lightening speed and i know he’ll be finished soon.

i am on the opposite side of the plane, i sit by myself, i like the space.

i keep my eye on them throughout the flight; just as i predicted, it doesn’t take long for spencer to finish his book and he places it down on the table in front of him. jj picks it up and teases him for the long-winded title, i don’t catch what she says, something about astrophysics.

he starts to ramble, and she interrupts him with another teasing remark, he flushes when she gently nudges his chest. i turn my head to stare out of the window, biting my lip.

they aren’t even doing anything, jj is just being friendly. and i still can’t handle it. i lie my head back against the headrest as i gaze out of the window, admiring the new york skyline as it fades into the distance.

a nervous chuckle from spencer snaps me out of my trance, and i look back over to see him and jj giggling secretively as she whispers something into his ear.

“where are you going?” emily grumbles, she’s half asleep with her legs splayed out across two chairs when i accidently bump her foot.

“bathroom,” i say quietly with a forced smile as i shuffle past jj and spencer, my heart seizing in my chest as she teases him about how long his hair is getting, brushing her hand through the curls.

i’m already silently sobbing in the bathroom so i miss the pitiful look that emily and morgan exchange.

and I know it doesn't make sense to forget the past but I promise, one day, you'll be honey and glass

“agent fitz?” i say, clutching my phone tight in my hand.

“ahh, i’ve been wondering when i’d be hearing from you.”

i laugh quietly, “yes, well i’ve been thinking about what you said, and i think i could do with that change of scenery now.”

i wrote this in a couple hours and didnt proof read so apologies for an errors :))

part 2

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds imagines #jennifer jareau #jj #emily prentiss #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #David Rossi #Penelope garcia #the bau #angst #hurt and comfort #spencer reid imagine hurt

426 notes · View notes

postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 3 years

Note

So I watched 10.09 recently, and it has that part where Dean tells a story about him basically being almost roofied as a teen, but somehow it ends up framed as the funny joke and yet another proof that John "did what he could", and I kind of hate this? And it's the same episode in which MoC!Dean killed guys that kidnapped and tried to rape Claire, and you'd think writers would've addressed the parallels and acknowledge that Dean could've been triggered by this situation. 1/2

2/2 But in the end, it's never addressed, and the whole situation is framed as the proof that Dean is evil now. And I'm not even sure what I am trying to say, but with that being the show's approach back in s10, I'm not surprised about the finale anymore. Guess we should've known?

That’s an excellent angle to look at the issue because the Mark of Cain arc is a clear example of how people with different experiences will see the same thing in wildly different ways. There’s this phase of season 10 where everyone is like “oh no Dean is Getting Worse” and when you look at what Dean is doing... you actually go “...good for him”.

Let’s give Caesar what belongs to Caesar. It’s not “the writers” in this case, it’s Dabb. Plenty of other writers don’t fall into this John apologism thing. Just look at how the episode before Lebanon, written by Buckner and Ross Leming, says that sometimes John would temporarily kick Dean out because he was “pissed at him” despite Dean always taking his side to mantain the peace. It almost seems like a statement to sprinkle some salt given what Dabb does in Lebanon, you know? Maybe not, but there is a tension between “John was shitty” writers and “John did his best” writers.

In hindsight, we gave Dabb too much of the benefit of the doubt. We were like, weeell, that’s supposed to be way the characters perceive the truth, which is distorted by the trauma... But now it’s obvious that he truly believed in the John-did-his-best version. He brought him back and got Mary back with him. No matter what happened to the finale, the network didn’t print those pictures of John and Mary to hang on Sam’s wall. He never took Dean’s abuse seriously and it shows.

The “anedocte” of Dean getting drugged and “saved” by John from being raped is obviously there to parallel him with Claire. Which works! It’s so weird because it’s like. You are soooo close to getting the point. Younger Dean was assaulted just like this teenage girl is assaulted and Dean saves her... but apparently John yelling at those people is a good way of dealing with the issue, while murdering child traffickers is an overraction thus bad.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? That Dean’s murder spree is framed as an overreaction. Sam is like “tell me you had to do this! tell me it was you or them!” - the answer to which (by the narrative) is obviously no, it wasn’t self defense, he just killed them because he could. He just murdered those men for no reason except he felt like being murdery. And the audience is supposed to be like “oh no! Dean is murdery for no reason except for murderiness! That’s bad!”.

But it’s a power fantasy, isn’t it? Going on a murder spree on rapists and traffickers. I bet any people who’s been violated like that has fantasized of doing the exact thing Dean does here. Killing them all.

Dean had the physical strength and skill to kill them all, why shouldn’t he kill them? (I mean, in real life I’m against private justice because I’m a fan of the state of law, but the Supernatural universe obviously works on different principles than the state of law. Again, it’s a fictional narrative that plays out as a fantasy for the audience, so.)

So what was Dabb’s intention? I’m afraid it’s the worst one. “John Winchester’s not going to win any Number One Dad awards, you know? But, you know, damn if he wasn’t there when we needed him”. What the fuck, Dabb? It’s been established since season 1 that John WASN’T there when they needed him. Which... I’m afraid... leads us to the Cas-Claire plot in the episode. Cas has fucked off with Jimmy’s body leaving Claire on her own. Parallels how John wasn’t going to win wny Number One Dad awards. But! Cas is there when Claire Really Needs Him i.e. when she’s about to be raped by older men. Parallels how John was there when Dean Really Needed Him i.e. when he was about to be raped by older men.

I think the point is to say, Cas kinda sucked because he took Claire’s dad away but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Claire because he gets there in time to prevent her from being raped. Just like (ew) John kinda sucked as a father because hunting and stuff, but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Dean because he got there in time to prevent him from being raped.

It’s pretty yucky. Literally NOBODY wanted a parallel between Cas and John. But he made one. And he made one to absolve Cas from the guilt he carried for what he did to Claire (Claire’s mother is a mother so who fucking cares about her. She’s basically a Blurry Wife(TM), she’s only a tool for Claire’s arc, Cas apparently only cares about the harm he did the child, not the wife, for some reason.) and to absolve Cas from his guilt it absolves John too. Don’t worry, being a parent is hard. You often screw up. But you can *looks at smudged writing on hand* prevent the kid from being raped by predatory adults and everything’s fine now.

It’s not really important if the child suffered hunger or whatever, the only important thing is that they don’t get raped, because that’s bad, everything else is just a little detail.

All Dabb got with that scene was to paint Sam as extremely unsympathetic because he’s no longer a child, he’s a full adult now and still thinks of that episode at the CBGB as a funny story. That’s not a good look. It almost makes you think that the writer himself saw it as a funny story. Lol teenage boy biting more than he can chew. But then why the Claire parallel? The Claire scene onviously is not supposed to be anything but horrific. I'll give Dabb the benefit of the doubt on this specific thing.

It’s weird, yes, because Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon where he establishes that John was a bad husband/father even before tragedy hit the family. But apparently that’s the “not going to win any Number One Dad awards” part, I suppose? I guess he intended to write John as this flawed, ~complex~ figure who was imperfect but still brave and whatever blah blah did his best blah blah. I’m all for flawed complicated characters but a horrible father is a horrible father. A rose by any other name... parental abuse is still parental abuse even if the poor guy was complicated and traumatized and did what he thought he had to do to prepare his sons for a violent world.

Also, the story frames Dean’s escapade as a teenager being stupid. “You know what he got for that? Me whining about how much he embarrassed me. Me telling him that I hated him. But then he stopped and turned around looked at me and said, Son, you don’t like me? That’s fine. It’s not my job to be liked.” “It’s my job to raise you right.” This seems straight from a novel about teenagers doing something stupid that they’re too young to realize that their parents are right to be against them doing. But this isn’t just... a parent walking into a bar to stop their child to drink alcohol. Dean literally describes feeling sick from something that was inside the alcohol.

Sure, it makes sense that he’d lash out to John because of the shame and shock. But the scene is... off. Are we supposed to see this as a typical teenage mistake? Are we supposed to read it as something as horrific as what happened to Claire, literally sold into rape? Or, worse, are we supposed to see what happened to Claire as a teenage mistake, ah silly teenager, blindly trusting shady people, no wonder you end up in a situation where you’d get raped if a father figure didn’t sweep in and save you. I hope that wasn’t the intent.

To get back to Dean’s Mark-of-Cain violence, the writers clearly didn’t intend it to come from the Darkness up to a certain point. It was supposed to an arc about your own inner darkness (consider the Charlie episode, a couple episodes later). Then they came up with the idea of The(TM) Darkness, the suppressed cosmic feminine. While it caused a bit of dissonance in the subtext, it doesn’t really change Dean’s narrative, because his inner darkness is the trauma, and his trauma is inherebtly tied to the “feminine” i.e. the parts of him that don’t fit seamlessly into the scheme of toxic masculinity values. That the violence that comes from the Mark of Cain comes from Dean himself and that’s it, or is connected to the Darkness, it doesn’t change what it means for Dean. Dean and Amara have parallel histories, the feminine principle locked away, the trauma the anger stems from.

In 10x09 we’re still in the Before The (TM) Darkness era, before the suppressed cosmic feminine. The Mark of Cain arc is still about... well, Cain. But the shift is the signal that someone looked at Dean’s arc and said... you know what? “Lucifer gave me this curse so now I’m demonic and murdery” is meh. “Toxic masculinity suppresses the feminine and it creates trauma which rage and violence comes from” is more interesting. I don’t know whose idea it was, but it was a good idea, and surely the idea came from seeing how Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding.

Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding in a certain way, in fact, because of a pretty simple reason. There’s a fundamental tension in Dean’s MoC arc. We want him to go murdery, but it’s also our main character, so we don’t want him to do really horrible things because he still needs to be relatable. The audience cannot hate him, so he must NOT do something entirely unforgivable. He still needs to be somewhat relatable, even when demonic or demonic-adjacent.

So he goes on a murder spree... but it’s rapists and child traffickers. He’s demon, but he kills a misogynistic dude that wanted his wife dead for cheating on him. He’s a demon, but beats up dudes that harass women. He does a slaughter, but they’re nazi. He’s off the deep end, but works a case of kidnapped and abused young women...

Speaking of which. 10x23, written by Jeremy Carver. Dean works a case where a girl was killed while dressed scantily and Dean makes some slut-shaming remarks, and we’re supposed to think “whoa Dean, that’s bad”. But later he confronts the girl’s father and what does he say?

I’m just doing my job, Mr. McKinley.

By suggesting my daughter was a slut?

I’ll admit that thought crossed my mind. Then I came here, and I smelled the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervade this home.

You shut your face right now.

And you know what? I don’t blame Rose anymore. No wonder she put on that skank outfit and went out there looking for validation, right into the arms of the monster that killed her.

Back then the episode was super controversial and everyone hated the case because of the apparent slut-shaming but I loved it! Because it’s not about the girl. It’s about Dean. Dean doesn’t think that a girl gets killed because she dresses in a miniskirt so it’s her fault. Dean is projecting on himself and he’s not actually victim blaming the girl, he’s victim blaming himself. And when he absolves the girl by putting the blame on the father... well, subtextually he’s absolving himself by putting the blame on his father. On the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervaded his own home. He’s textually not ready to absolve himself, of course, he summons Death to ask him to kill him later, but subtextually he’s on the right path.

Rose McKinley basically did the same mistake Dean did at the CBGB when he trusted some older people who offered him drinks and the same mistake Claire did when she trusted a man who sold her for money because he offered him a place and stability. She trusted the wrong people (in this case, vampires, which adds the whole subtext of vampires and sexuality) who took advantage of her. Except Rose had no one to save her. (Her friend, Crystal, gets rescued by Dean, even if he causes the other hunter Rudy to die in the process.)

Carver’s writing is pretty brutal. The girl made that mistake because was abused at home, so she was desperate for validation and that desperation drove her into the wrong hands. (Rose even has a brother who blames himself for bringing her sister to her future murderers, destructive sibling relationship check.) It doesn’t actually even matter if Dean guessed right about Rose’s family situation, because what matters is what it tells us about Dean. He basically relates to a dead abused girl. Actually all through the season Dean is paralleled to “skanks” “sluts” and sex workers. Obviously this happens kinda all through the show, the whole “the business is based on absent fathers” thing happened much earlier in the story, so it’s not new. But s10 draws a picture of female suffering - abuse, manipulation and death. Season 10 was difficult to go through. In hindsight, it was probably on purpose because it was supposed to be darkest hour of the feminine. Summed with some good old fashioned misogyny, but hey.

The Carver era was wonky but Carver wanted to free the feminine. (I believe that Mary’s comeback, while written by Dabb because of the showrunner shift, was planned before the showrunner shift.) We thought the Dabb era wanted the same, with Mary choosing life and Amara being independent and so on, but it evidently wasn’t the case. Not a single woman arrives at end of the story. It’s hardly ~Bucklemming or ~the network or ~covid because it starts before the very end.

I’m not saying that dead sluts are more feminist than living women, but if the women die or disappear anyway (and they did) I’d rather have an exploration of trauma than nothing. And I definitely prefer a dead slut narrative that calls out parental abuse than a narrative where women live but abuse gets the you-did-your-best treatment.

Whoops! I digressed! But feel free to ask for any clarification or send me any observation or thought.

#anon #my spn thoughts #season 10 #spn 10x09 #spn 10x23 #dean and john #parental abuse #john winchester's a+ parenting #mark of cain #demon dean #spn #i love talking about season 10 uh

257 notes · View notes

cruelfeline · 4 years

Text

So, I was admittedly distracted by something a little more... distressing, back in season four. Y’know: that bit where Hordak gets... Well; y’all know. Yes. But now that I’m re-watching various bits and pieces, I’ve realized exactly how much Bow’s friendship speech on Beast Island bothers me.

Though I may be misinterpreting it? Am I misinterpreting it? I don’t know.

I kind of hope I’m misinterpreting it

But to me, it feels as if, upon learning that Entrapta is giving up on friendship because she’s had such difficulty with it, Bow kind of... implies that she needs to work harder?

Is that what’s happening? Because that’s what it feels like.

Again: I may be misinterpreting. But I don’t know that I am? I mean, even his claim that the Alliance never gave up on Entrapta kind of... implies that she’s the one who gave up on them? Is that... is that right?

not even considering the fact that they’ve kind of not really cared about her for a season and a half... until she becomes potentially useful via a mass of magic needing defusing

Because if it is, then I’m not a fan. I’m not a fan at all.

I feel like Entrapta works so hard, throughout the series, to be a good friend. She just does it in a way that makes sense to her.

Back in season one, she tries to provide the Princess Alliance with weapons and technology in order to cement their friendship. She participates in their attempt to rescue Glimmer and Bow after the Princess Prom. She does her best to work with the group during their foray into the Fright Zone, despite their less-than-respectful way of dealing with her. She does her best. She tries. She endures their lack of clear communication in an effort to be useful and belong.

And, for her troubles, she is left behind. Yes, it’s an accident. No, they don’t mean it. But, at the same time, they don’t go back to look. They don’t make sure. And Entrapta, whether intentionally or not, is left to her own devices in the Fright Zone.

Once there, she repeats her attempt at friendship-building. She again provides weapons and technological know-how, trying to use them as the foundation of a relationship because, well, that’s what she understands. That’s what she’s comfortable with, and that’s what she has to offer. So she does.

And it honestly works! She becomes friends with Scorpia. They seem to genuinely enjoy one another’s company: they talk about their (different) interests, engage in friendly physical contact, enjoy the anticipation of hot cocoa on one of their missions. Entrapta seems to make a legitimate connection with her, one that Scorpia canonically admits to missing.

Entrapta likewise befriends Hordak and develops a sweet, loving relationship with him. She connects with him in a way no one else ever has, owing both to her lack of fear and to her willingness to see humanity in a person everyone else writes off as a tyrannical monster. I don’t know that I need to say much more about this: we all acknowledge the wholesome, wonderful nature of Entrapdak.

She tries to befriend Catra, too, both by providing her with tech and by going so far as to petition Hordak to spare her after the Shadow Weaver incident.

My point regarding all of this is that Entrapta does try. She does work at it, attempting to be the best friend she can be. She enjoys an easy companionship with Scorpia (apparently being the only real friend the latter has had, by Scorpia’s own admission!). She falls in love with Hordak, entering into a mutual relationship that eventually gives him the strength to break from his abusive slavemaster of a god-brother. She tries to provide Catra with honest help, succeeding in helping her fulfill her Horde duties and actually saving her life.

And yet, with all of this effort, what happens?

Catra sentences her to death. There’s no way around this: it’s the only honest way to put it.

Scorpia ends up caring more about Catra than anyone else and subsequently allows Entrapta to be shipped off to Beast Island

Hordak... oh, by the gods, Hordak tries, but he ends up a victim of Catra’s manipulation and his own emotional pain. To his credit, he promptly loses his mind when he realizes what has happened.

In the end? In the end, all of Entrapta’s work has led to multiple functionally failed friendships (well, Scorpia squeaks out a save... eventually) and one romantic relationship put on hold because of a tragic misunderstanding. And it’s not her fault. It’s not that she doesn’t work hard enough. It’s not that she thinks friendship is easy. It’s not that she gives up on people. Entrapta does try. She works hard with the tools and the understanding that she possesses. And despite all of that effort, she ends up on Beast Island anyway because Catra doesn’t value her, Scorpia doesn’t value her enough, and Hordak is too wounded to realize what’s happening

So this moment when Bow gives her this talk, when it sounds like he’s telling her that she needs to try harder and really work on friendship in order for it to happen for her... I just... is that really what this scene means? Because, if so, then it just falls so incredibly flat for me.

It falls so very flat, right alongside that uncomfortable moment in S5E2 when all of the princesses are furious with her, and she just doesn’t understand why, because in her mind, she’s been trying to help in the only way she knows how. And no one has clearly told her any other way, so how is she supposed to know?

Agh. I just really don’t like this implication that Entrapta has failed at friendship because she didn’t work hard enough. I don’t like this implication that she is the one that needs to buck up and try harder, when she has been putting forth an honest effort to understand people and give them useful things and interact pleasantly, even when said people refuse to communicate clearly with her.

And for pity’s sake, she’s a wonderful enough friend that she helps Hordak find the strength to take back his memories and his life and his name so that he can free himself and kill his god for her. That’s pretty damned successful, isn’t it?

needless to say Hordak is exempt from this entire pseudo-rant because he actually respects and reciprocates her efforts

So why does the Alliance continuously put forth this demand that she “work harder?” Why do the princesses constantly imply that she’s the one not trying, when they never actually try to understand her even one iota? Why does it always have to be Entrapta picking up the social pace and adapting to everyone’s demands?

And why doesn’t the narrative call out this gross discrepancy?

I can understand the characters engaging in this nonsense, but why doesn’t the narrative point it out for what it is? Why doesn’t the narrative mark it as unfair and wrong?

It’s a major aspect of Entrapta’s “friendship arc” that just doesn’t sit well with me. I feel like there’s this constant theme of “Entrapta needs to work harder to understand people” when she’s already working hard. She’s already giving it her all, but she’s the only one who is. It’s all so uncomfortably one-sided. The actual problem, to my eyes, is that no one save for one (1) grumpy clone is meeting her halfway, and the story just completely fails to recognize that.

#entrapta #entrapdak

1K notes · View notes

edourado · 3 years

Text

Tagged by the lovelies @ejunkiet and @devilbunnyking. Thank you, my loves. I'm doing this instead of writing lol

how many works do you have on AO3?

gosh. 126;

what’s your total a03 word count?

328.661. I mean. Decent;

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Adopted (Fratt. Domestic. Very cute. I do love it);

You Behave (Kastle Smuttyyyyy. It was a delight to write this one);

Ordinary People (Kastle fixit fic. One of my personal favorites. Old married couple trope AU);

Second Night (Kastle. A beautiful prompt. A challenge, but I loved writing it)

Bodies Make it Perfect (Kastle. Smutty again. I got an amazing gift out of it, by @midnightmargaritaswithsalt ♥);

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! Sometimes one or two escape me, but I always make a point to reply. I figure if someone was nice enough to drop me a word, the least I could do is say thanks xD;

what’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Well that's a tough one to asnwer, because I am a sucker for happy endings. Most of mine end on a happy note, or at least hopefull. But I guess my favorite is Decaffeinated Pacifist. It was inspired by one of my favorite spots in my town;

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, karedevil reigns on this one. It's probably between Wall, Bloodstream and Never Had (which can be read both as karedevil and kastle);

do you write crossovers?

So far I've posted a few fics that feature the Defenders, but I am working on a Kastle AU based on that short from Jon, The Escape. I don't know if it counts, though;

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Thank goodness, no. Praying it remains that way. I've had some rude comments once or twice, but no HATE;

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Ha! Indeed I do. It's mainly non descriptive, leaning hard into the connection between the people more than the physical aspects. But there are a few PWP on my list muahaha;

have you ever had a fic stolen?

I have! Ages ago, when I was a teeny writer, one of my InuYasha fics was stolen and converted into a Twilight one. The person claimed that I gave permission, but I had no recolection and they had no proof. I am so terrified of confrontation that my baby sister had to come to my aid lol;

have you ever had a fic translated?

I'm pretty sure I have, but I can't remember which, nor which language it was translated to. I think German? Not sure - and now I feel bad;

have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have, early on in my fic writer career, and it was very bad lol;

what’s your all-time favourite ship?

I only ever write for ships that move me deeply, so technically every ship I write for is a favorite. Right now, it's kastle, and it's been for a while. Kalagang has a firm grip on my heart, too. But there are simply too many to choose from;

what’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have two or three Sailor Moon ones that will either remain as they are or be taken down. I can't seem to write the stuff I want to finish, let alone fics I wrote ages ago;

what are your writing strengths?

Huh. I think I'm good at grasping a charachter's voice - I've received many compliments on Frank - and describing the nature of different relationships;

what are your writing weaknesses?

Case solving. My writing has virtually no development and resolution on cases, I focus more on interpersonal development. Also kids and teens *shudders*;

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Yes, one thousand times, yes. I love languages, and love to write it into my stories. It's hard work, though;

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Sailor Moon, when I didn't even know what fanfiction was. My sister came to me one day and was like "hey, did you know that more people do this? And they post it on the internet?";

what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Ooof. Loaded question. As of right now, I'm a big big fan of Permanence. I really enjoy the "this one detail was different and it changed everything" trope. But, if I'm being honest, an AU I wrote for InuYasha when I was 16 and translated it to English when I was 23 was the closest thing to a book I've ever written - it was 100% original, I just borrowed the characters names. It's called Overpowering, and it can be described as a romcom. Incidentally, it was the one that was stolen. Maybe I'll turn it into an actual book someday (it would need a lot of work, though).

tagging @carry-the-sky @myletternevercame @ambrosiaswhispers @lpdwillwrite4coffee @ninzied

#writing #ugh plase fix my writing gear #tag time

20 notes · View notes

calliopecalling · 3 years

Text

Queen of the South 5x10 FINALE(!) Debrief

Well well well. WELL. Well.

I've spent much of today in a beachy daze. Like are we all living with our beloved QOTS characters inside a fluff fanfic? Or was that the actual end of the series? How did we get here? Are we happy about it?! Last night I felt underwhelmed, though that was I'm 100% sure tinged with just, that normal post-anticipatory letdown. That feeling of "was that it?" that the day after every favorite holiday brings with it. Like how could reality ever actually meet you where you swear you're not hiding your expectations?

As I've begun adjusting today to this New World in which QOTS is over (😭 it's only been my TV obsession since 2018 😭 what do I do now?!) I've settled a bit more deliciously into the hazy glow that the last 5 minutes of the finale brought on. Like wow, that long slow burn really paid off. These two people who've been dancing around each other for five years struggling to reconcile their feelings for each other with the world they're a part of -- finally giving that life the bird and deciding to lean into each other? When do we get TV that actually gives us that so wholeheartedly?! I'm digging it.

I'm also digging the many many opportunities this gives us to imagine new things into earlier scenes and seasons, and validate some of the things we've hoped we were correct in imagining all along. And I love that it's not shying away from romance in order to make some kind of depressing and cynical statement. Like there's this thing that "serious art" (of whatever medium) tries to do that can be all like, romance is "for girls." Like it's silly and unrealistic, demeaning, even. But what I love about Jeresa is that they didn't just have this electric sexual chemistry but they also saw in each other a mirror of their own values and strength; I so appreciate that the showrunners decided, you know what? That matters. That's important that two people crashed into each other's lives and made each other better people. Let's go with that.

So. I dig it.

AND, I don't think this season was well-written. I admit--I'm an academic--I like a well-written, even, consistent TV show, with a lot of attention to character development, and a keen attention to detail. Those things matter to me when I'm watching a show (or a movie, or reading a book, etc.). I'm not trying to be a snob; it's just that I take a real delight--like almost a physical sensation--in things coming together in a really cool way. I like word play and symbolism and subtle humor and body language. A lot of that, actors can pull off regardless of writing (and that's what I LOVED about Alice and Peter; they really do that so well). But a lot of my experience of this season, and this final episode, would've just been more delightful if it had been better written.

I really felt that the first three seasons of QOTS were pretty well-written. Yes, there were some scenes that required suspension of disbelief. (I will always wonder, for example, how the heck did Lil T get from Phoenix to Devon's mom at her church choir rehearsal in what I’m assuming was Chicago in the like, what, 45 minutes max lead time she was given, lol. Or are we supposed to believe his mom just happened to be in Phoenix?) There were some corners cut for the sake of moving the plot forward. But overall, those didn't outweigh the pleasure of watching Teresa's complex journey from the narco girlfriend who'd lost everything except her soul to the narco queen who was gaining everything but starting to lose her soul.

So the first three seasons I could just really buy into. If the first season or two had felt like the last two seasons have--rushed, inconsistent, and with way too many superfluous male characters (sorry/not sorry 😬)--I probably wouldn't have gotten as caught up in it as I did. (AS caught up in it, I said. Alice still carries it for me as Teresa just by herself, regardless of what crap they give her to work with, so I would have guaranteed still been a fan.) I think I liked this season better than Season 4 overall, because of how important James is as a mirror to Teresa's character, and because the tension between them creates a really interesting internal struggle for her. But it also felt even more rushed than Season 4 did and had way less Teresa screentime per episode than Season 4.

Especially this finale. I was discussing it with my coworker this morning (same coworker, unfortunately, who thinks Pote was "so stinkin cute" this season and loved his story line) and even though we will never agree on our favorite Teresa sidekick, we agreed that the finale should've given Teresa so much more. The writers set it up to try to convince us that James had killed Teresa, and decided to let that mystery be the final tension of the series, making us hold our collective breaths until the very end to finally collectively exhale when the 'big reveal' that she'd faked her own death was the big plot twist.

Only it wasn't that unexpected. I know there were people out there who legitimately believed James had killed her. And I definitely couldn't relax in utter confidence because TV SHOW WRITERS, MAN. They love to ruin good things. BUT. It just wasn't that shocking that it was faked. It was the right ending. Killing her would've totally ruined the show and while I couldn't put anything past these writers, most people I know were pretty sure it must've been staged. So what I wish they'd done instead of trying to force us all to believe she was actually dead and that everyone else was just trying to get out, was start the episode with flashbacks to when Teresa started forming her plan, and then let the central tension of the episode (and the final tension of the series) be: will they be able to pull it off?

And if they'd had Teresa be the one to kill Boaz, rather than Pote--or at least have her be the one doing the bulk of the work to track him down and stare him in the eyes one final time--then that "will they pull this off?" tension could've been pretty nail-biting. Then we would've found ourselves wondering OMG IS JAMES GOING TO DIE all episode rather than WHY THE FUCK ARE WE SEEING SO MUCH POTE. Plus, having flashbacks to the planning process start off the episode would have allowed us to actually follow along with Teresa's final transformation, the journey back to herself and coming to terms with what she really wanted.

Instead, we're going to have to fill in those gaps ourselves. You know what though? It's ok. Overall, I enjoyed myself this season. I am happy with this ending (though sorry again but I would've still preferred an ending in which Pote dies just because it's almost TOO happy). I am basking in the fantasizing about all the Teresa and Jeresa things they didn't show us that we now get to fill in--and the fact that we now know where they ended up!! And, I mean. THOSE SMILES. Smiles for days! Suggestive gazes! Sweet kisses! I die.

So it's the end of the series, sure. But I know I at least will still be around for a while, because I am a nutcase who is obsessed with these characters and now just has way more fodder to feed my madness.

#I also wish Teresa had been able to hand off the papers to her legitimate empire to Marcel personally #one more head nod of acknowledgement to him #that she owed him one #before beginning her new life #and now #let the theorizing commence:#what does Teresa ACTUALLY do now #to feed her soul #because we all know it's not just cooking classes #not just walks on the beach #not even just fucking James #though I'm sure that helps 😂#but she doesn't strike me as someone content with a simple happily ever after #maybe she's writing a book eh?#I'm going to miss you Teresa #you've made my life better #also ok I still don’t understand what Devon’s stake was in having her and her people all killed #and why Boaz got to run her business for four years lol #and how he even managed to not totally run it into the ground #questions questions questions #queen of the south #qots #season 5 #5x10 #finale #teresa x james #jeresa #txt post #qots meta #qots reaction post

34 notes · View notes

sinisteredgirl · 3 years

Text

Flower of Evil (2020)

Yeah I know, it has a lame-ass title (I mean really, show? Flower of Evil??) But don’t let it fool you, because the Kdrama ride has been one of the most enjoyable ones so far. Safe to say, ending aside, this drama made it to my faves list.

Flower of Evil is about a married couple who seems to be quite the typical happily married duo; the wife (Cha Ji-Won) is a detective who’s good at her job, and the husband (Baek Hee-Song) is a metal crafter/artisan who runs a business. They have a daughter (6-year old Eun Ha), and all is seemingly well for this happy family, until a series of killings open up a cold case—one which unravels the identity Baek Hee-Song as Do Hyun Soo, the alleged serial killer on the run.

So I started watching this show back when I was in a bit of a Kdrama slump. The one before this (Dr. Romantic Season 2) didn’t give me much joy, so I was really looking for something to perk me up. I then read the summary of this show on Netflix, saw that it was a Baeksang awardee/nominee, and then bam. And boy, am I grateful for that random algorithm that got me to this show.

For story, I’d say the writing would have been stellar had it not been for a few jumps in logic as well as that fucking ending. The pacing was beautifully done, and the way they made things connect and flow is so awesome to behold. The ending though is really a love-it-or-hate-it kind of deal, and for me it was the latter. But I didn’t dislike it enough for it to affect my utter love for the other episodes. It’s something workable—something that eventually you’ll go okay, alright, fine. Still not a fan but fine, show, fine.

The show shines, however, with its characters. And especially with our lead characters—the married couple—who the writer created with so much love and thought. They are nuanced and layered and have so many dimensions on them that it’ll probably take me another long post just to talk about it.

With Hyun Soo, who is adept at cognitive empathy but has a hard time processing and expressing emotions, the struggle is always determining what is genuine and what is manipulation. And Hyun Soo is aware of this, as he himself doubts any emotions that he actually genuinely feels and brushes them off as only part of his manipulative behavior. As he struggles to process and express his genuine emotions, it eventually bottles up and manifests itself physically through his chest pains, reaching tipping point during the magnificent bridge scene. Later on, when he is able to acknowledge that he does feel genuine emotions (through the help of Ji Won), the chest pain stops, and he becomes much more open to his emotions (he cries a lot, becomes more visibly upset, etc).

With Ji Won, the struggle is coming to terms with the fact that her husband lied to her for fourteen years. Fourteen years. The identity of her husband is a whole lie, and she even heard him say that he never loved her, not even once. I love love love the fact that she isn’t just Mother Teresa to her husband and welcomed him immediately; she had to process through the torment of the betrayal, the devastation, and the (continuing) lies, all the while trying her best to protect his identity as well. This push and pull strained her up until her breaking point in Episodes 9 and 10. Despite all odds, she places her trust in him again because she understands that he really does love her and that she’s all he’s got.

(Okay but let me rant more about Ji Won for a sec. Listen, I am extremely critical when it comes to leading ladies in Kdramas because a lot of Kdramas start with really interesting female leads who eventually fall flat just to make way for tropes like boy-saves-girl, etc. Worse, there are Kdramas that totally detach the female lead from the main story (yes, I’m looking at you, My Love From Another Star). In short, I’m very critical about the way a show handles its female leads/characters because they usually get the shorter end of the stick.

With this in mind, I totally fell in love with the character of Cha Ji Won. Armed with a sharp mind and excellent observational and deductive skills, she does her job as a detective exceedingly well. She pushes hard with her questioning while also being able to comfort those in need (like the kid during the 1st episode). The show always emphasizes how much of an asset she is to the police department, and her sunbae and superiors know this.

Aside from this, she also has the ability to inspire and instill confidence in people. Like what Hyun Soo said, she can be very convincing with her words. Driven and unfaltering, she is able to untangle the shadows and unravel puzzles. Arguably, the main antagonist was actually more afraid of her than any other character; he wanted to kill her precisely because she was too much of an unpredictable variable. So yeah, good job show for creating such an awesome character as Cha Ji Won.)

The dynamic of Hyun Soo and Ji Won is actually one of the most interesting points in the show and is also one of my fave aspects: one tries so desperately to maintain the web of lies, while the other tries so hard to unravel it. They move in a circle, like what Hyun Soo said in the final episode, but this dynamic is actually more apparent during the first several episodes when Hyun Soo was still trying so hard to keep his identity as Baek Hee Song. When the masks have been uncovered, however, it’s a delight to see them work together as a team. And they work efficiently well together, like how they worked on negotiating with the human trafficker and how they stormed the in-laws’ house for a confrontation.

I also love the fact of how Ji Won seems to understand Hyun Soo the best, at times even better than himself. She knows that he is very much capable of feeling emotions and is capable of love, and she helps him realize this. Hell, she even knew that Hyun Soo was held up just by the way he talked to her on the phone. But she also correctly said to him that she’s no fortune teller, and that he has to share with her his thoughts and plans so that she can understand him further. Yay for communication!

It’s going to be another long post, but it’s quite amazing to see how Ji Won has influenced Hyun Soo to be a better person. He didn’t have to save the trafficked victims and enter such a dangerous deal, but he thought about how Ji Won would not have turned a blind eye on the situation, so instead, he chose to save them. As mentioned during one of his hallucinations with his dad, he has been trying to mimic Ji Won and to live as a decent person—a good person—just for her. Throughout the story, we can see how much he actually depends on Ji Won for strength and support—waaay more than how Ji Won is dependent on him. In a sense, she really is his world, and we can see how he crumbled when he thought she was dead.

(Also something that I appreciated is the fact that they’re already married, so they’re past the awkward stage and is now on the happily-married, DTF stage lmao)

Moving on, another aspect of the show that I loved is the fact that the other detectives are smart as hell too, and that humor is injected appropriately and is not a separate from the main story.

For the other aspects of the show, I think the music is okay, and I liked some of the instrumental pieces (Flower of Evil and Someone to Remember).

Okay, at the risk of this post being too long, my tl;dr really is that this is a great show—not perfect of course, but its flaws (especially the ending) should not deter the viewers from enjoying the ride from the earlier episodes. Definitely one of my faves.

#flower of evil #kdrama #may edit later but I'm becoming too lazy

20 notes · View notes

aster-ion · 3 years

Text

Sylvie x Loki Might Not Happen and Here’s Why

***SPOILERS FOR LOKI TV SHOW***

1. They are basically siblings

Even though they have different personalities, backstories, and physical appearances, that doesn't change the fact that they are the genetic equivalent of siblings. No matter what Timeline you're looking at, both Sylvie and Loki are the offspring of Laufey and whoever he had children with. We know this because they are Variants of the exact same person, meaning that if either of them were born to someone other than Laufey, they would have been pruned as a baby. And since they weren't, that means they must be just as genetically similar as siblings are.

Because of this, the idea of Sylvie and Loki engaging in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship is extremely disturbing to a lot of fans. It's too big an oversight to brush past, especially when the show has continued to remind us over and over that they are, in fact, both Lokis. Maybe if them being the same person wasn't such a major plot point, it would be easier to ignore the facts, but it is, and that means that Marvel is basically pushing either an incest or selfcest (depending on how you look at it) type relationship. And that’s extremely risque for a corporation as large as Marvel, especially with a character as beloved by fans as Loki.

2. It is terrible LGBTQ+ representation

And before anyone says anything, no, it is not because Sylvie is portrayed as female and Loki as male. I've seen a lot of Sylvie x Loki shippers say that the reason people don't like the couple is due to it being one between a male and female, but that's not true. Loki and Sylvie were both confirmed to be bisexual, meaning that they can engage in a relationship with anyone of any gender. It would be completely valid for either of them to pursue romance with someone of a different sex and still be bisexual. No one is arguing against that, and if they are, I definitely do not agree with them.

However, the problem comes in when you take into account Marvel and Disney's (who owns Marvel) long history of queerbaiting. There have been countless times that Disney advertises their "first gay character!" only for it to be a single line of dialogue or a brief shot. Marvel in particular has used the popularity of certain LGBTQ+ ships and headcanons in their fanbase to generate media popularity that they don't actually follow through with in their movies/shows. So when Loki was confirmed to be both genderfluid and bisexual in Episode Three, lots of people felt like they were finally getting a win for representation.

But those people, myself included, appear to have been let down again. The first two official queer characters had so much potential to go off and be with anyone they wanted, but instead, the show has set them up to be in a romance with each other. Now, this wouldn't be problematic on it's own, but when you take into consideration the questionable nature of their romance from Point One as well as the fact that the show has explicitly referred to it as "twisted," it raises the question of whether or not this is actually good representation. Because the fact is, in one episode the writers went “look, it’s two queer people!” and in the next, they said “their relationship is disgusting and demented.” Marvel’s first bisexual characters being borderline incestuous/selfcestuous does not sit well with me at all.

All of this is made even more confusing when you take into account the background of the Loki crew, most notably, the director Kate Herron. She also directed the Netflix series Sex Education, which has quite a bit of very well done representation of all kinds. So how is she managing to fail so badly on this project? It makes me wonder whether she truly is just losing her touch or if this is all a misdirection. Personally, I'm hoping for the latter.

3. It does not send the "self love" message people seem to think it does

The writers, director, and cast of Loki have said multiple times that the relationship between Sylvie and Loki is meant to act as a metaphor for self love. And in a way, that makes a lot of sense. Despite creating different identities for themselves over time, they are still ultimately the same person and therefore share a special bond because of it. And there's a lot of potential that can be done with that concept.

Loki is an extremely complex and intriguing character. He has experienced a lot of trauma in his past that has shaped him into the person he is today. And that person is clearly very broken. He has never given away or received any kind of love, with the exception of his mother and possibly his brother, Thor. Other than that, he's had no healthy friendships, romances, or perception of himself. It makes sense for him to be confused by this pull he feels towards Sylvie, who is both alarmingly alike and vastly different from himself.

Something this series does exceptionally well is breaking Loki out of his comfort zone. He is finally forced to see himself from other people's perspectives. It started with the file Mobius showed him in the first episode. Loki was able to view his actions apart from himself, and was hit with the realisation that he had been hurting people, and he didn't like that.

Loki is also confronted by the existence of the Time Keepers and the TVA, who describe him as an antagonist and nothing more. To them, his role is to make those around him look better, even if that means he repeatedly gets the short end of the stick. Mobius mentions that he disagrees with this and that Loki "can be whoever and whatever he wants, even someone good," adding another layer of depth as to who Loki could be in the future of the series.

Another huge moment for Loki's character development is while in the Time Loop Prison with Sif. Though he starts out annoyed with the situation and recalls not feeling apologetic when he cut off Sif's hair, the longer he is in the loop, the more he changes. Loki admits things to himself that we have never seen him say aloud, such as the fact that he is a narcissist that craves attention. Sif telling Loki over and over that he deserves to be alone makes Loki question whether or not he believes that to be true, allowing him an introspective moment where he really has to think about who he is.

Now with all of that being said, I'd like to tie in why this is important to the writing of Loki and Sylvie. They act as a mirror to one another, representing both the flaws and strengths of "what makes a Loki a Loki." For once, Loki gets an honest, unbiased look at himself without layers of expectations or self doubt. On Lamentis, he calls Sylvie "amazing" and praises her for all her accomplishments. That's a huge moment for him because it shows that despite also finding her irritating, he can look past those traits and see someone worth being a hero underneath. And through that realisation, he begins to understand that he can also grow to love himself. That kind of character development for Loki is incredible to watch, and it's the kind of character development I want to see from this series. Unfortunately, them possibly engaging in a romantic relationship will ruin it.

Whenever I'm feeling insecure about myself and my abilities, the solution has never been to look at who I am through a romantic lens. Self love is an entirely different type of love from romantic love, so if the series tries to push this relationship as a romance, it will fail to truly represent the arc that they are trying to show.

4. Nobody likes it

This one's a little on the nose, but it's true. Almost no one likes this ship, and more than that, most people actively hate it. Yes, there is a small minority that like Loki and Sylvie together, but there is an overwhelmingly larger group that is disgusted and angry by the fact that the show paired them up.

After Episode 4 aired, I ranted for about an hour and a half with a friend about how much we didn't want them together. My aunt whom I have never texted reached out to me to say that she hated their relationship. My homophobic neighbour came over and told me that she would prefer any other romance to this. Friends that I haven't talked to much since school let out for summer have all agreed that they collectively dislike Loki x Sylvie. This ship has brought people together purely because everyone hates it more than they hate each other.

There is no denying that the general feedback for Loki and Sylvie being a couple has been negative, even if you support them getting together for some reason. So if there are so many people out there who don't like it, I'm confused as to how it would be approved by a team of professionals.

5. The contradicting information we have gotten so far

Before the release of Episode Four, Kate Herron said that the relationship between Loki and Sylvie was “not necessarily romantic.” During the interview, she continued to refer to them as friends and people who found solace and trust in each other.

However, after Episode Four, the head writer, Michael Waldron, and other members of the crew spoke up about Sylvie and Loki. They said things like “it just felt right that that would be Loki’s first real love story” and “these are two beings of pure chaos that are the same person falling in love with one another.” These kinds of comments very heavily imply something romantic, directly contradicting what Kate Herron said. Even Tom Hiddleston, the actor for Loki, has assessed the situation, highlighting the differing viewpoints. He’s also said before that the end of Episode Four ultimately has Loki getting in his own way.

Now, this could all just be a misdirection on either side to build suspense for the show, but as of right now, it is entirely unclear who is telling the truth. Though it is more likely that the statements made by Michael Waldron are more accurate (as he is the writer), there is still a slight possibility that Loki x Sylvie won’t happen. I’ll link the articles I’ve found on this topic below so you can read them and decide for yourself.

Kate Herron Statement - https://www.cbr.com/loki-sylvie-relationship-not-romantic/

Michael Waldron Statement - https://www.marvel.com/articles/tv-shows/loki-sylvie-in-love

Tom Hiddleston Statement - https://thedirect.com/article/loki-tom-hiddleston-sylvie-romance

6. It is still salvageable

The odds are not in our favour, I’m afraid. It is highly probable that the show will put Loki and Sylvie in a romantic relationship with each other. Yet there is still a way to salvage it and turn their bond into something incredibly satisfying. Like I mentioned in Point Three, the relationship between Loki and Sylvie has the potential to be incredibly empowering and provide both characters some much-needed growth. And I believe that while unlikely, it can still do that.

The only mention of them being romantically interested in each other came from Mobius, who at the time was angry, betrayed, and doing anything he could to get Loki to talk. Then, at the end of the episode, right before Loki is about to confess something important to Sylvie, he is pruned. This results in no explicit confirmation from either Loki or Sylvie that they are in love with each other. The audience is left not knowing whether Mobius was correct in his speculations, and honestly, I don’t think Loki knows either.

Loki is no expert on love, as I explained earlier. It is entirely possible that he doesn’t grasp how he feels about Sylvie and defaults to romance because of what Mobius said. There is undoubtedly some sort of deep bond forming between them, and I would love to see that being explored in the next two episodes. I would love to watch Loki’s journey of realising that he doesn’t want anything romantic with Sylvie, and was simply confused by the new things he was feeling towards her. Loki even says “this is new for me” when talking to Sylvie at the end of Episode Four. Him momentarily believing that he wants to be a couple with her then shifting into them becoming friends who help each other grow is still a reality that could happen. And ultimately, I think that would benefit them both as characters as well as strengthen the overall message of the show.

In a show about self love, acceptance of yourself, and figuring out who you want to be, Loki very much needs people who support him. He has that in Mobius already, and now he’s beginning to have it in Sylvie as well. I just hope that it is done in a way that resonates with the audience and subverts expectations, which just cannot be done through some twisted romantic relationship. I’ve spoken to others watching the show and seen people talking online, and everyone seems to agree that Loki and Sylvie work much better as platonic soulmates or found family than a couple.

Of course, my hopes aren’t that high up. While I’d love for this to happen, I’ve been let down by Marvel before and wouldn’t be surprised if they went for the easy route of pairing characters up rather than dealing with the emotions correctly. Still, I have hope for this series. Everything else about it is wonderful and perfect in every way. It has the potential to become a masterpiece and easily the best thing that Marvel has ever done. However, this romance would ruin it for me and so many others. We already feel incredibly disappointed by Loki x Sylvie being suggested, so I can’t even begin to fathom how people will react if the show makes it canon. I’m begging Marvel to please do better than this. They have a wonderful story to tell and a wonderful team to do it, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that they don’t throw that away.

#marvel #loki #sylvie #mobius #loki x sylvie #loki x mobius #kate herron #michael waldron #disney #lgbtq #representation #tva #loki tv

27 notes · View notes

ginkgomoon · 3 years

Text

Kiro’s Birth Chart- A Character Astrological Study

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIRO 💛

It’s already the 9th where I am so here’s another super long post for our sunshine Kiro! Unfortunately I couldn’t go in much detail in the end as much as I would like because of risking very specific spoilers as I want everyone to have a chance of enjoying his own astrological study among the other boys. However, it is very similar to how I did my analysis here which had lots and lots of spoilers, so hopefully this will make up for the parts where I couldn’t expand on. So if you would like to read it to enhance your understanding and don’t mind spoilers, you are most welcome to have a read! I did also update it on just a few more things so if you want to stay updated on that post, you can have a read of it too! Again, if there is anything you would like to ask or need clarifying on, feel free to send an ask and I’ll try to answer with the best of my ability!

What is Astrology?

Astrology is the study of stars- the placements and movements of different celestial bodies to correlate what’s happening on Earth. It comes from the early Latin word astrologia.

There’s a rule that we live by-

As above so below

This means whatever happens within our solar system will ultimately affect us here on Earth. For example, the moon governs our emotions, and since our body is approximately 70% water, why wouldn’t the moon affect us too? But it’s not just us, it's the moon’s gravitational pull on the oceans, in the same sense, it’s also the moodiness you may feel during full moons!

There’s many aspects to Astrology, and that would normally be too much for a single post so I’ll be elaborating on the major contributions to one’s birth chart. This will include the planets and the signs. Kiro’s exact birth time is unfortunately unknown, but we’ll have to do the best with what we’ve been given.

There’s the inner planets, consisting of the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Mars and Venus, moving quickly within the chart. Then there’s the outer planets, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Uranus and Pluto, the slower moving planets. And of course, the different signs of the zodiac with different personalities. They follow the order beginning with Aries, then Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius and finally Pisces.

Kiro’s Birth Chart

Sun ☉ The Sun represents our character, personal identity and ego. Your star sign is also known as your Sun sign. It is the “you”. The “Self”. It shows your creative force, confidence, focus and our will to live. It’s the driving force of our charts in many ways, like how it is centred in our solar system. It’s the part of us that is the “adult”, censoring the “inner child”, and overall provides information on our vitality, and what we came to do.

Kiro’s Sun is in Aries ♈︎ Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. They have big personalities, with lots of charisma and passion. They are fiery, energetic, active, direct and straightforward as the first set out to start something and first to finish it. They’re natural born athletes and leaders, naturally inclined to get as much done. They’re not big planners of the future, as the most important thing to an Aries is the moment of right now. They enjoy vigorous, motivational, brave and adventurous activities, and love trying out new things. Like Geminis, they can’t sit still and need the feeling of being able to move towards a goal. They generally know what they want and the quickest way to get it. They enjoy a challenge, and are the happiest when life is active and always on the go. There's a childlike quality to Aries Suns, and often quite charming, too!

Kiro is a natural Aries. He’s fun, full of vigour and loves life’s challenges through physical trials such as the 10km run with MC, testing his mental strengths with his quick adaptation and problem solving skills as well as his empathic skills as an actor. Kiro as an Aries Sun is still undoubtedly humble no matter what, as he appreciates his fans and cherishing the moments with the people around him (plus food) and especially as he had suffered a lot when he was a child, why he would want to live life the fullest.

This is very fitting for him to be an idol as this creates more opportunity to travel the world and experience more that other people may not be able to have (and he’s so naturally good at it as well.) He can be stubborn and hot-headed, like having to perfect his craft and wanting to strive to achieve his personal best in everything as fast as possible with purpose and drive. This definitely contributes with the other planets in his chart. Kiro is seen to be the “Sun” to everyone, who is very charming and youthful, captivating everyone with his fiery presence. “Stamina is necessary on stage. During concerts, you still need to maintain the quality of the singing while dancing, right? In order to have consistent breathing and to ensure that I wouldn’t be fatigued during the concert, I have to train for a very long time.” -CN Dessert Date

Although Kiro lives his life as an Aries, his other placements contribute to the deeper side to him that few know about. His hardships in the past enables him to become the passionate superstar we know today- not wanting others to feel the same pain that he felt. On and off stage, he can lead very different lives, especially when his moon is in Cancer.

“The Kiro on stage and the Kiro I knew were two completely different people. His quiet, laidback persona is the warm fire on a freezing winter night. His stage-self is that of a regal king commanding adulation of the crowd.”

Moon ☾ The Moon in our charts show what your home is like, your upbringing, the relationship between your mother, the unconscious, your instincts and what you need. It tells us a lot about a person’s emotions, how they deal with it and how they express it to others.

Kiro’s Moon is in Cancer ♋︎ This water sign opposes the fire sign of Aries. The Moon is "at home" in the sign of Cancer, as the Moon is the natural ruler of the sign. They have a tendency to be caught up in emotions, with it guiding their actions more than thoughts. Cancer moons are never detached, seeking familiarly, security, and comfort for their home and the people around them. These are devoted and loving people with nurturing personalities. However, it’s easier to feel more insecure and have more mood swings with this sign in their Moon. Their unique outlook in life is something to appreciate, especially with their sense of humour and fun. Another thing is that these people can be very protective of themselves and others, unwilling to trade secrets, crawling back into their shell like a crab- as the crab is the symbol of Cancer.

“Last time, there were numerous occasions when I felt I couldn’t create works that were good enough, and I’d start to doubt myself. I’d lock myself in a corner, and start having internal fights with myself.” -CN Inspiration Date

Behind the stage, Kiro feels things and experiences things on a deeper level than others, with a more mysterious side and life that rarely shows. Although he enjoys being on stage, he might prefer being behind the scenes a bit more, cosy and alone with MC. It can be easy for him to be swept up in his emotions, acting out on bursts of emotions and quick-thoughts. Cancers are also really good at reading and detecting lies from other people. They are great emotional comforters because they can intuitively recognise a situation well and how to help fix it. Kiro’s amazing at figuring emotions out and has done it on multiple occasions.

“Are you upset about something? Is it because of the stuff online? It’s hard to just ignore it, huh? I know a lot of people would just advise you to forget about it, but how could you just forget about it?” I thought Kiro would comfort me the way others did, but he didn’t. “Is there anything you want to do right now? Anything goes. Tell me.” -Movie Set Date

Kiro is also a great actor, as he can naturally be empathetic which effectively helps him in this.

After filming, Kiro jogged over to me, boating about how he finished his scene in one take. “I could hardly tell you were acting. It looked so real.” -Movie Set Date

Looking into his eyes, I seemed to find a very different side of Kiro. A side that is full of stories, but a struggle to protect something, a side of him even more dazzling and brilliant than when he’s on stage. -Livestream Date

Mercury ☿ Mercury is the communication planet. When you write, speak, absorb information and how rational we are, you’re using your Mercury. It refines our Sun sign and helps define how we take in and give out information. It also talks about short distance travelling, governing your thirst for knowledge, your wit and negotiating skills. If someone is an excellent talker, it’s thanks to their Mercury placements.

Kiro’s Mercury is in Aries ♈︎ Being in the sign of Aries means that Kiro is able to make quick decisions, can be direct and straightforward in speech, possessing an innocent charm, and can easily motivate others with his enthusiasm. Aries Mercury don’t have a lot of patience when it comes to communication, and are usually frustrated when people don’t understand or are disappointed when others don’t accept their opinions smoothly. There’s a certain sensitivity and defensiveness to Aries, with personal attachment to their many ideas, such as criticism or negative feedback takes effect on a personal level. Though, they aren’t afraid of mental challenges, with the visionary intelligence that is sometimes on the idealistic side. It’s never going to be dull or short of ideas with them, because of their quick mental pursuits and adoptions of many things.

A thing so obvious is that Kiro is so straightforward with his speech and flirtation towards MC! Kiro doesn’t bother hiding his love and thoughts to MC because he can be so open to anything with whom he loves (especially Moon in Cancer, here.) He knows he can charm someone- without his evol! Kiro speaks with so much excitement and joy, and enjoys a little banter on the side, too.

“What’s wrong? Infatuated with me?” -Banquet Date

“I’d be fine with someone taking a photo. It would be a great photo. Rowing with the person who I like.” I turned to stare. Kiro continued beaming at the lake, oblivious. The person he likes? Does he mean me? -River Lantern Date

“Your existence itself is a miracle to me. It’s not a line from a movie and it’s not a joke. It’s true.” -Miracle Date

“That was my confession to liking you. I like you – that’s for your eyes. I like you – that’s for your voice. I like you – that’s for your smiling face. I like so many things – can you tell the differences between them? -Whole Lotta Like Call

Bonus from River Lantern Date Both of our cheeks have turned pink under the sunset. MC: You’re blushing! Kiro: You’re blushing too. MC: That’s because I’m wearing blush. Kiro: Uh… I’m wearing blush too. MC: Wow, I didn’t know you were that kind of person. You’re just trying to find an excuse, huh? Kiro: Come on, so were you.

Venus ♀︎ The planet Venus is ultimately the planet of love, beauty, wealth, our material things and what we do with all that sort of jazz. It’s the pleasures, our sentiments, what we do for leisure and what we value. Grace, charm, creativity, entertainment are ruled by Venus. We can use this planet to see how we approach relationships of the heart, investigate our ability to attract and the attraction to others (or things).

Kiro’s Venus is in Pisces ♓︎ Venus in Pisces people project themselves as dreamy, soft-hearted partners. Everything about the way they flirt promises a lovely time. They’re charming, playful, and appreciate romance especially the arts of music and poetry. Pisces Venus want others to know that their love is unconditional, as they love and accept everything for that their lover is. They enjoy tender moments and romantic times whenever possible. However, they fear hurting others and may even want to escape from reality from time to time.

It is evident that Kiro genuinely loves music.

Kiro has his head half lowered, his lips moving from time to time along the harmonica. His expression has turned quiet, as though immersing himself in the world of music. Every time I see such a Kiro, I’ll always feel that he genuinely loves music with a fiery passion. -CN Memories of Summer Date

He has written many songs about MC, including “My Treasure” (which I am sure was a no.1 hit worldwide) and the song they wrote together on Christmas. He loves to express himself through music, as he knows it can very well move somebody’s emotions. Pisces is a water sign, which can allow more dreamier, romantic and more soulful expressions worth capturing through the art of his lyrics and songs! He would communicate his love to MC in his songs, and through the romantic gestures that he does (like singing “I love you” in the Confession Date) it’s always fun when being in love for a Pisces Venus. Even though MC and Kiro may not have much time to spend together, they would always make the most out of it for those times they can.

“There’s a song I especially wish to write, and I really like the concept and composition. I want to try writing a song on understanding and interpreting the theme of “love” from my own perspective.” -CN Inspiration Date

“I can remember all the important things, but it’s more difficult to remember the more trivial ones. But every minute and every second with you - I don’t want to forget them. They could even be left as family heirlooms! Next time, we’ll tell them that the box contains the dribs and drabs belonging to me and the cutest girl in the world. Each note records a story. And each story is an important treasure.” -CN Memories of Summer Date

“I feel this will definitely be my best song. But, this song was created with you. And you are infused in every part… even if it’s just a few words, no matter how small it is, I don't want to share it with anyone but you.” -Quiet Night Date

“I’ve been writing this piece of music since the day I met you, but I was never satisfied by it. It's the song that I wanted to play that belongs to you.” -Heartbeat Date

Mars ♂︎ Mars is the go getter planet. Full of fire and passion, nothing would be done without it. It can give insights on how we can chase our goals and what our desires and our plans of attack are. Aggressive behaviour, lust and anger fall under this planet.

Kiro’s Mars is in Leo ♌︎ Mars in Leo individuals possess a strong need to create in some way, determined that their lives have not only meaning, but significant meaning. Passions run high, and so does desire as Leo is another fire sign in Kiro’s chart. Though they enjoy the pleasures of risk-taking, they generally have a strong sense of reason at the end of the day. Rarely will you find a person with Mars in this position who lives life without a true sense of a "calling”, as they have well-defined ambitions (like how Kiro’s Sun is in Aries). They act upon their heart, with their ego tied up with their actions, so that anything they do becomes a source of great pride and self-righteousness. They act with authority and power, and their personal magnetism generally endows them with the ability to get what they want.

Savin told me that Kiro is deeply troubled. His new album is about to drop, yet he wasn’t satisfied with the first single. So he locked himself in the recording room (especially when his Moon is in Cancer, he feels things more deeply than others) and hasn’t slept for three days. -Treasure Date

“This is a handmade guitar given to me by someone very special. I wrote my first song playing this guitar. He once told me that no matter what I do, I need to follow my heart.” -Livestream Date

Kiro always does things wholeheartedly, especially when it comes to MC. In the Prayer Date, MC’s plans following the superstitions of how the couples staying together forever kept getting ruined and thought them to be bad omens. He prepared a surprise for MC which he tried to keep a secret from her. Turns out, he was thinking the same way as her too. Kiro always speaks from the heart, because he was taught to that way. “It’s because of you that I believe in stuff like this. I did it all because I want to be with you. Always.” -Prayer Date

“I was once told that daisies can convey one's heart. The sea of flowers is what I want you to know.” -Flowers Date

“I felt like… I had no direction. Everyone had high hopes in me and I was doing well but I didn’t know if I could live up to them. Sometimes I think, all those flowers and applause, were they really for me? And if I really did turn into a superstar, what would be the point? I’d still be… alone. But, I could find a flaw in anything. I thought they only liked Kiro the performer, not the real me.” -Old Friend Date

Jupiter ♃ Jupiter is the largest planet, a gas giant, known to expand as the “benefactor” of our solar system. Everything it touches is basically blessed. It’s the good luck, confidence, joy, freedom and adventure that it gives to one’s being that it’s so well known for. Jupiter is where you seize your opportunities, take a leap of faith and count your blessings.

Kiro’s Jupiter is in Sagittarius ♐︎ As a Sagittarius Jupiter, Kiro attracts the most good fortune when he is open-handed and generous, and practices what he preaches. These people can be inspirational, usually finding success in travel, education, teaching, sports, publishing, and foreign cultures. They can be philosophical, forward-looking, and enthusiastic to uphold their strong morals. Freedom of movement and expression is essential for these people.

Kiro is of mixed blood, and he is able to speak multiple languages. He’s a big influences as an idol, wanting to change the world with his passions and big heart. He stands up for his morals and expresses them in an open-hearted way towards those around him. It’s without a doubt that Kiro would be successful either way with or without his evol.

“That day I made the wish at the shrine just like today. I rode the streetcar out and just happened upon this museum. After looking at all the instruments and stories, I suddenly felt fine. At the time I thought, nothing else was important. I was making music and that was enough. Since I was inspired by the stories here, I felt that I should use my stories to inspire other people too.” -Old Friend Date

“I want to write a Christmas song about love that makes people feel warm and fuzzy. My wish is for people to hear this song and recall the moment they cherish the most and be happy.” -Quiet Night Date

“I always believed that by putting my feelings into a song, I could share my happiness with everyone.” -Quiet Night Date

“I wish that you will always have the courage to bravely face difficulties and setbacks. I know you can. Whether you’re moving forward or backward, my songs will always be with you, giving you the courage and strength to keep going.” -Heartbeat Date

Saturn ♄ Saturn is the planet of karma, life lessons, hard facts and the challenges in life. It governs structure, our fears, work and self-discipline. Saturn is cold and calculating, however once the challenges and lessons Saturn have been mastered, great wisdom with great rewards can be obtained.

Kiro’s Saturn is in Pisces ♓︎ Behind the scenes, these people like to live in solitude, in contemplation, preferring to work alone. They even may be suspicious of the intention of others and suspect that others' innocence or compassion is insincere. They may not even like showing or feeling any sense of vulnerability. However, if they don’t fully allow themselves to have these very human qualities, they ends up limiting himself. In the process, however, they subtly convey to others that they don’t need kindnesses, compliments, and support, and they could end up feeling quite alone. In time, as they recognise how they may limit themselves and their experiences, they learn to identify with the vulnerable, messy, or chaotic side of themselves step by step, slowly but surely.

Kiro is actually very sharp with his instincts and his alter-egos off screen. This helps him execute tasks however may be detrimental to himself or his relationship with MC (Stardust Date). This sets a whole new depth into his other personas, including his idol persona. If you would like to read more in depth into this side of him, here is where you can read my in-depth character study on his alter-egos. (Warning- contains lots of spoilers!)

Kiro doesn’t want people to see the “imperfect” side of him, only wanting to be known as the Sun without the sun-spots. Since his real life and idol life being shown is different, the differences in them will reveal great lessons to master in his lifetime.

“MC, I’m actually timid and childish. When it comes to things I don’t like, I’ll always think of hiding them and locking them up. I won’t see them. I won’t let other people see them. But if it’s you..” -CN Inspiration Date

“When I close my eyes, random notes fill in my mind and I feel so useless! I can’t make any more music if I can’t break through this. With no music, nobody will like me. No one..” -Treasure Date

“If I have a dark side, I should hide it from others, right? Because, I don’t want to show you and I don’t want to disappoint others.” -Light and Shadow Call

Uranus ♅ Wherever Uranus is in the chart, it’s where we want to break free, where we want to do things our own way, when you don’t care what everyone else is doing or thinking about. It’s where we express our ideals on freedom, innovation and experience great epiphanies. We strive for independence with the influence of the Uranus character. As a result, we learn to rebel, break traditions and authority. It shakes things up from our past and into the modern future. It is often associated with unpredictability, chaos and anarchy.

Kiro’s Uranus is in Aquarius ♒︎ These people are most interested in making changes, innovating, and updating traditions related to technology, community and individuality. They seek more freedom in or through these areas, and don’t feel the need to conform as they’re ready to rebel if need be. They’re compelled to break through some of the inhibitions or taboos related to cooperating, connecting, and interacting. Despite the need for progress, they can be very stubborn and set in their ways in these areas. However, they believe in openness to new ideas and free thought. Aquarius Uranus have a strong interest in new technologies, the power of science, and the importance of communication.

“At that time, I was actually a little rebellious. I was filled with curiosity about the world, and wanted to try everything.”

Kiro makes positive changes to the world around him as KEY in his mentor’s footsteps, exposing crimes such as an orphanage in the Heaven’s Home For Children Rumours and Secrets. Without a doubt that Kiro is on top with his technology, and is to be the unexpected surprise to MC when he reveals this persona to her. He’s been doing a lot of the behind-the-scenes work to protect and change society for the better, and with his intelligence and leadership, he’s ready to make history in whatever persona he chooses to hold.

Within three days, this orphanage that was built on the children’s blood and tears was destroyed, and all those involved were caught. Many large forums were discussing who hacker Key was, but no one could provide an answer. No one knew over ten years ago, and still no one knew now.

Neptune ♆ Neptune is the inspirational planet of dreams, inspirations, soulmates, enlightenment and sacrifice. It’s all about connection with the universe and the world around you, however can have the polar effect of deception and illusion, along with disappearances of sorts. It can also govern your music tastes and influence on how you can inspire others.

Kiro’s Neptune is in Capricorn ♑︎ These people are discerning, wise, and sensible. Their vision of an ideal world may centre around respect for rules, order, responsibility, and morality. Needing to believe in the realisability of their dreams means that their fantasies usually have a very realistic thread to them. Energy levels may not be high when they don’t believe in what they’re doing, and inspiration is not easy to find in the first place. However, they can turn a dream into reality more easily than most if they persevere as their visions are practical and also doable.

He is already a big inspiration to others as someone who is so out in the open in the spotlight with his own music that he writes. He believes in his passions, hard work and his higher purpose which is why he’s so determined to succeed in whatever he does. Kiro knows that his work will pay off in the end, which is also why he is so committed to making the world a better place- so that the world would be safer and happier place for MC. They met when they were children and they met each other again as adults, and we know that Kiro definitely feels very connected to MC on a deeper level and is committed to help her with her purpose (by disappearing himself? Neptune, wtf??)

“Hearing this from you, I can rest. The company put in a lot of effort for this plan, and I must definitely showcase my most perfect self, and not disappoint everyone.”

As the light gradually dims in this cold winter, I can clearly see the seriousness and resoluteness in his eyes. -CN Winter Tour Date

“After looking at all the instruments and stories, I suddenly felt fine. At the time I thought, nothing else was important. I was making music and that was enough.” -Old Friend Date

Pluto ♇ A lot of astrologers still use Pluto in their reports. Pluto is the Lord of the Underworld, and is not to be messed around with. It’s responsible for great destructible transformations and corresponds to the life, death and rebirth cycle. It’s the detoxing planet, for you to awaken and be reborn. It shows us where we can change the world, alongside right where we can go into the abyss of the cunning and controlling energies of Pluto. Its powers can be ever so subtle, however it can have the forces to trash you with the realisations of what you need to let go in order to transform. Think of it as the “healing crisis” moments that you can thank Pluto for.

Kiro’s Pluto is in Sagittarius ♐︎ They take beliefs and philosophy of life very seriously, more than most. They believe deeply in personal freedom and expression. Uncovering the truth can be a mission. They may want to watch for a tendency to move from one cause to the next or one project to another, perhaps as a result of this dissatisfaction or from inhuman expectations. However, their faith in humanity is strong, and they are moved and motivated by the positive vision of a better world.

Kiro is able to cultivate his own unique beliefs on the world based on his Mentor’s teachings with the hardships that he faced, alongside his determination to protect MC. Kiro executes his purpose in bringing positivity and hope into many people’s lives in all of his multiple personas, working in the spotlight and in the shadows. He believes in the greater good, such as having to leave MC so that she could save everyone, however, sacrificing himself and his freedom. Though this is one of the many things he values, he would do anything to protect the one he values the most- MC.

And the one sentence to sum up everything-

“We shall stand in darkness as we defend the light.”

#THE FIRST TIME DIDNT SAVE AND I HAD TO REDO ITJHRGEUK #kiro #mlqc kiro #恋与制作人 #love and producer #mlqc #mlqc translation #mr love queens choice #mlqc cn #mlqc analysis #mlqc en #zhou qilou #mlqc zhou qiluo #Kiros birthday #birth chart #astrology

38 notes · View notes

poppykru · 3 years

Note

I've asked this before and I'll ask it again (not to you specifically to the fandom at large): what would you HATE to see brought to the SaB adaptation... mine is Botkin dying and the way Botkin speaks in the books because his character was left on the cutting room floor for the first season then i hope we get him for 2 and 3 (especially with making Alina Shu in the show)

That is a good one! I think we could've seen more of Botkin in the books as well as the show. Seeing more of him in the show would make a lot of sense, given him and Alina's shared ethinicity. Yup, yup, I agree.

Honestly, there are more things that I would like the show to add to the story to make it make sense because I would change sooo many fundamental things about it lol. But there is one specific thing I would hate if they bring to the SAB adaptation and its the ending...which I know it's unavoidable, but a girl can dream. I really dislike the ending of TGT because it doesn't make sense. Many a people have said waaay better than me, but I will try nonetheless. Before I start, I want to preface that my dislike has nothing to do with ships. If you follow me, you will notice that I have a preference for darklina, but I honestly don't mind malina. In fact, I do find them cute. Ok? Cool!

Putting this under the cut cause it turned out looong. 😁

So almost all of my problems with TGT stem from Alina's arc, and since she is the story, it means it impacts everything. I am confused what Leigh was trying to convey with this character, what was her plan... It seems like her story is the typical YA arc of self-discovery, acceptance, empowerment, finding your place in the world--all the things young people deal with. And we see that in S&B. She feels like she doesn't belong anywhere (I believe even with Mal at one point, but i might be wrong). She feels different, she looks different. She is just small at the beginning of the story. Then she discovers her powers and her life changes. Suddenly, she is part of something, of somebodies, she is a Grisha. At first she doesn't fit in because she is resisting, because she isn't letting go of the past (Mal). But when she does, she is happy (which then honestly confuses her story with Mal tbh, but that's a whole other thing). We find out suppressing her power all these years is what made her frail and sickly, and unhappy. (In fact, we are continually hit over the head with the idea that her powers feed her and make her happy. In the beginning of Siege and Storm when they have to hide she expresses her frustration, her feelings of powerlessness (physical and emotional). In Ruin & Rising when she is trapped underground, she is weak, but the moment she is out, she literally glows with happiness. So Alina loves her power.) So now she doesn't have to hold back, she can be herself - self-discovery, moving to empowerment and self-acceptance. Now here is where it gets confusing. After the stag and the sea serpent amplifiers, Alina's story shifts from an empowerment arc to "power corrupts" arc. So the protagonist finally finds her strength, finally gains agency in her life, but now when more power was thrust upon her (cause let's be honest, how much choice did she really have in wearing those amplifiers), she is greedy??? You can't make a character greedy just completely out of the blue. Alina was never shown as greedy. Hell, she was never ambitious even. Quite the opposite actually!! She doesn't even have a choice. It's not like they have another viable solution to stopping the Darkling (which...don't get me started on the big flaw in this whole story). And yet, Alina taking those amplifiers and wanting to get the third one is framed as greed. But this is not the worst part--this is about the ending after all. Then Alina gets punished for doing the thing she had to do to survive. Alina finds her power, becomes powerful, makes tough decisions, and then gets severely punished for it by the narrative. This is made even worse by the fact that she seems to be the only. Nikolai doesn't get punished for wanting the throne. Him wanting to rule is never framed in this way. And I hate that so much askdhaslds. And to make it worse, Alina is not even ruling in any way. Alina, with her unique perspective as a Grisha, brought up as a mortal (mortal? otkazat'sya?), would have been instrumental to bringing actual change to Ravka. Nikolai doesn't understand Grisha, and as many years as he has spent as a privateer, he never was just a common citizen of Ravka. Zoya--look I will admit I'm not her biggest fan, and I haven't read KoS so this is an opinion more than fact-- has grown up amogst Grisha and we say her turning her nose up at otkazat'sya. Same with Genya-- like all of them have known hardship, but none have know the hardship of common people, so how are they really fit to govern them? How are they supposed to make Grisha accepted again if they don’t know the people they are trying to convince? N e way.

Not to mention the big question of what happens to Grisha now. They are still murdered by Fjerda, still experimented on by the Shu-Han, still enslaved by Kerch. What happens to Grisha? What was the plan? Where was the consideration for the constantly prosecuted marginalised group? I could write another rant on this tbh.

I think Leigh tried to pull a Hunger Games ending, but with none of the actual story to back it up.

Honestly, there are so so many things that are just wrong about Alina's character. For a protagonist, she feels the least fleshed out, and her story the least planned out to make sense lol.

To summarise, I think Alina's arc doesn't make sense, because from an empowerment arc, we made a sharp turn to "greed corrups", which doesn’t come with proper buildup. I find her ending unfeministic, as the narrative punishes her for her liking her power, while it never does that with any male other characters.

#sorry it took me so long to answer this 🙈#this is a little ranty but oh well #sab #sab wank #grishaverse wank

22 notes · View notes

lonepiper5758 · 3 years

Text

Royai Week 2021 - Day 5

Illicit Affairs

[Song prompt] illicit affairs, taylor swift

An essay exploring the ways in which Royai is not described by this song.

AN - I completely respect both the inclusion of 'Illicit Affairs' as the song prompt for Royai Week 2021, and the method in which it was selected by the Mods. When I first listened to it, and then listened to it again, I wanted to write something inspired by it. However it failed to give me any inspiration to write creatively about Royai. Instead what it inspired was the urge to write a critique of why this song is not reflective of Royai.

Please don't think that I am having a go at anyone who likes this song or feels that it gives off a good Royai vibe. I'm just responding to the prompt in the way that it prompted me to do so.

That 'Illicit Affairs' by Taylor Swift is a good song is not being disputed, as reviewed by Angie Martoccio in a Rolling Stone article -

"And on “Illicit Affairs,” she (Taylor Swift) expertly packs a tale of infidelity into just a few short verses, complete with abandoned perfume, secret language, and the lies that seamlessly stitch it all together."

Any song that includes the lyric 'A dwindling, mercurial high' has got to be given credit. It's musically beautiful and lyrically powerful. But is it Royai?

One of the intriguing things about Royai is that it's such a subtly expressed relationship within canon. We know for sure that Mustang and Hawkeye have known each other for a long time, and have a profound understanding of each other communicating at times with a mere glance. They share a deep trust of, and commitment to each other to the extent of risking great physical harm and personal hardship for each other. And they know each other well enough, despite their relative rankings within the military, to blow up at each other occasionally. Their deep care and love for each other is evident.

Extrapolating beyond what is explicitly expressed in canon is what fandom exists for, and many within the fan community see Mustang and Hawkeye’s relationship as also being a sexual one. Whether you see their relationship as expressing itself sexually or not does not change the premise that this song isn’t truly Royai.

'Illicit Affairs' contains some images which are no doubt reflective of Royai, a shared secret code language, and a relationship that has many details which are kept hidden. This gives the song a nice Royai vibe. However that vibe is superficial, and whether you hold to the more canon defensible position that Royai is a profoundly loving and loyal relationship with no sex, or that it is full of lustful moaning and sweaty bonking, either way the overarching sentiment of this song is far from expressing the nature of our beautiful ship.

There are three significant points at which this song not only fails to express Royai, it actually expresses the antithesis of Royai.

Firstly, Royai is not an illicit affair.

‘Illicit’ in this sense can have two meanings, illegal and relating to infidelity.

As for Royai being illegal, we all know, Arakawa cites the pesky ‘fraternization laws’ of the Amestrian Military as the reason why Mustang and Hawkeye can't be together in a physical relationship. If you take the view that Royai is a non-physical relationship, then there is no illegality and the song misses the mark.

The only place the song lands is if you hold to the idea of a sexual relationship, in which case Royai would transgress the ethics and rules of the military. It could also be argued that Mustang and Hawkeye have broken faith with their own morals as they would have sworn to be bound by those rules, and have broken that oath.

This is a pretty technical application of the term 'illicit affair’ and not really in keeping with the feel of the song, which is far more about interpersonal relationships than the keeping of rules and institutional ethics.

To quote the Rolling Stone article again 'Illicit Affair' is a 'tale of infidelity', and that's the meaning the word 'affair' evokes; infidelity, betrayal, adultery. An ‘illicit affair’ is most readily going to be understood as a relationship in which the participants are being unfaithful to an existing partner, in order to secretly be with a new partner.

This is the first point at which this song expresses a relationship that is the antithesis of Royai. There is absolutely no infidelity in the relationship between Mustang and Hawkeye. Neither of them has a significant other who’s trust they are betraying in order to be together. Rather, Royai is all about fidelity. The loyalty and trust these two show towards each other is the absolute bedrock of their relationship. If you take the view that their relationship is non-physical then it is their fidelity to each other that both defines and expresses their relationship. So to say that Royai is an ‘illicit affair’ is to completely mischaracterize their relationship.

Secondly, the relationship in this song is dying, as illustrated in the lines -

It's born from just one single glance

But it dies, and it dies, and it dies

A million little times

This is the constant theme of the lyrics from the outset, that what started as a wonderful thing is corrupting and dying.

Again this is the complete opposite of Royai. Exactly when the ship started is a subject for debate. Whether you hold that Royai started pre-canon, during Ishval or sometime soon after, there is no time at which we see it diminishing in its strength, let alone dying. Far from Royai diminishing over the course of canon, their relationship just gets stronger and closer. To illustrate two images from the Manga.

Chp 58

Above is the earliest point in the narrative that we see Hawkeye and Mustang together. Following is one of the last times. These two images indicate a relationship that is coming together and becoming stronger and more dynamic. Not one that is dying a million little times.

Chp 108

Thirdly, the last lines of the song pose some difficulty in accepting this as a Royai song.

And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times

If you interpret ‘ruin myself’ as to risk physical injury or endure a harmful situation for the other, then this is a plausible Royai sentiment. However times such as Hawkeye’s preparedness to shoot Mustang if he destroyed Envy, or Mustang’s acceptance of Hawkeye’s death in refusing to perform human transmutation, show both understand that holding to their shared sense of the right thing to do is paramount. If they betray those truths they hold most deeply, or ‘ruin’ themselves, then they will have ultimately betrayed each other and their relationship. So in that sense they would not ‘ruin’ themselves for the other because to do so would be the end of themselves and their relationship.

So while this is a really cool song, Royai’s qualities of steadfast loyalty, longevity and the character of the relationship being intrinsically tied to the characters of Mustang and Hawkeye mean that Royai is far from being an ‘Illicit Affair’

____________________________________

Resources

1. “The Godforsaken Mess of Taylor Swift’s ‘Illicit Affairs’”

By Angie Martoccio

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/taylor-swift-illicit-affairs-1033805/

2. Song Lyrics via LyricFind

Make sure nobody sees you leave Hood over your head Keep your eyes down Tell your friends you're out for a run You'll be flushed when you return Take the road less traveled by Tell yourself you can always stop What started in beautiful rooms Ends with meetings in parking lots

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And longing stares It's born from just one single glance But it dies, and it dies, and it dies A million little times

Leave the perfume on the shelf That you picked out just for him So you leave no trace behind Like you don't even exist Take the words for what they are A dwindling, mercurial high A drug that only worked The first few hundred times

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And stolen stares They show their truth one single time But they lie, and they lie, and they lie A billion little times

And you wanna scream Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times

Songwriters: Jack Michael Antonoff / Taylor A. Swift

3. Fullmetal Alchemist Manga - Images from Chp 58 and Chp 108

#royaiweek21 #day 5 #anaylsis #please don't hate me #lone but not lonely

22 notes · View notes

softie-bat · 3 years

Text

sebastian michaelis x reader songfic (epiphany)

[ inspired by the cover song epiphany by the piano guys - i encourage you to listen to it while you read ! ]

this had been plaguing you for days now, you realized as you laid in the neatly made bed, your (e/c) eyes gazing out the window a few feet from where you lay. the trees swayed ever-so softly in the breeze, a few leaves being carried off by the soft wind. the calmness of the manor almost calmed your nerves

it felt weird, you had to admit that much. when you first woke up here, things seemed so exciting, as if you were finally living out your fangirl dreams. that’s what every anime fan dreams of, right? waking up in their favorite anime, falling in love with their favorite anime character... but truly being here had begun to lose it’s charm. sure, you had some excitement seeing as you’d seemed to appear a good bit before the beginning of the first season, though that didn’t cause your excitement to falter. it was only after season one had begun that you began to grow weary. you already knew what was going to happen, how it would happen and when it would happen. rewatching black butler multiple times had seemingly ruined the genuine experience for you.

a familiar sinking feeling began to settle in your stomach. you weren’t surprised; it was made clear a long time ago that this serenity had never been your cup of tea. you thrived being kept on your toes, and laying in your bed at the phantomhive manor wasn’t doing a damn thing for you. so with all of your strength, you hoisted yourself up and out of bed before getting dressed in a simple beige dress accompanied by some white heels. you busied yourself with pulling your hair into a low, messy bun as you exited your room. maybe walking around for a bit might help.

as you passed ciel’s study, your attention was caught by some chatter.

“no, sebastian, i am not going to have you as my dance instructor.” ciel’s voice pierced the silence.

“but, my lord, it’s far too short-notice to request one of your usual teachers. the ball is tomorrow night,” sebastian reasoned, his voice causing a small smile to fall onto your lips.

“there isn’t even any music,” ciel huffed. suddenly filled with energy, you knocked on the already open door.

“i can help with that,” you giggled.

“ah, (Y/N), good afternoon,” sebastian said, physically relaxing as his eyes caught yours.

“good afternoon, lady (Y/N). how exactly would you like to be of assistance?” ciel inquired, obviously hoping to get out of going to another ball.

you slyly pull your phone from one of your dress’s side pockets. “i can play instrumental music on my phone and sebastian can lead you through the dance.”

“why don’t you and sebastian demonstrate?” ciel asked, his face as stoic as ever, though there was a playful glint in his cerulean blue eye. you glanced at sebastian as he let out a soft chuckle before extending his gloved hand to you. opening your phone and pressing play on your music app, you then took his hand as the calming sound of one of your favorite instrumental songs filled the air.

sebastian pulled you close to him, his warm and inviting smell calming your aching nerves as he held you. you gently placed your hand on his shoulder while the other slipped into his smoothly, as if two puzzle pieces had finally fallen into place once more. having been so lost in your own memories of your home and everything that you’d felt as though you’d left behind, you’d almost forgotten just how right it felt to be in sebastian’s arms.

moving as fluidly as the ocean, and each step as soft as a falling feather, sebastian led the dance, your elegance almost matching his. the dance lasted for a few more minutes before the song faded out, leaving you both in a comfortable silence.

ciel cleared his throat in a polite manner, glancing away from the two of you.

“right then,” he said in his usual business tone. “thank you for demonstrating, sebastian, (Y/N).”

“of course,” you responded softly as you both stepped away from one another.

“there is no need to thank me, my lord.” sebastian smiled at you before returning his eyes to ciel.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the day had went by as quickly as most days do in the phantomhive manor - you helped the servants around as you could, enjoying chatting with bardroy as you helped him make dinner. though, sebastian didn’t seem to be all that happy with how close you had seemingly become with the chef, which is something he brought up after ciel had been put to bed.

“may i come in?” sebastian asked after knocking on your bedroom door.

“yeah, of course, come in,” you replied, sitting up on your bed.

“what’s up?” you asked as sebastian shut the door behind him. a slow moment of silence followed your question as he kept his back turned to you.

“do you like it here?” sebastian inquired, a small hint of fear evident in his voice.

“of course i do,” you replied softly as you stood up. “sebastian, what’s wrong?”

“you’ve seemed so distant recently. i assumed i may have done something - or not done something - that caused you to begin to become so shut off. i saw how animatedly you were conversing with bardroy and i became... afraid.”

“afraid of what?” you asked as you now stood beside the tall butler.

“afraid that you have begun to no longer care for me as i care for you...”

“sebastian...” you breathed out before gently taking his hand, causing him to look you in the eyes. “i love it here, more than anything. i’ve never felt so safe somewhere in my life. you make me feel so safe. i love you more than anything in this world or the next. i’m so sorry for being so distant, it’s just easy to feel guilty for leaving everyone behind...” another moment of silence followed before sebastian spoke up once more.

“if you... wish to return home, i will not be the one to stop you.”

“sebastian... i don’t want to ever leave here without you, okay? you’re not getting rid of me that easily,” you teased the demon, causing a small smile to show on his lips.

“will you dance with me?” you blurted out. sebastian chuckled before taking your hand in his.

“nothing would make me happier.”

pulling out your phone, you once again played the same song you’d both danced to only hours before. this time, the dance was much more intimate than formal, however. sebastian loosely wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you against his broad chest as you draped your arms around his neck, leaning your head against his shoulder as you both danced elegantly across the floor of your bedroom.

as the moonlight spilled into the room in whispers, you couldn’t help but look up at sebastian, his maroon eyes fixated lovingly on your form. having been caught staring, the male could only smile before placing a soft kiss on your forehead. you sighed in content before resuming your position, your eyes closing as he held you. the song had long faded out before sebastian picked you up, carrying you to your bed and pulling you close to him once more under the inviting warmth of the covers.

a realization hit you as you began drifting off to sleep in the arms of your love, a realization that was much overdue. you may miss your friends back home, and even the life you’d grown so accustomed to... but nothing in that world could have ever felt as right as being wrapped in sebastian’s arms.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

okay hi ,, i promise i don’t write often ........ i’ve been feeling v down in the dumps emotionally and man oh man alive i needed to write something comforting ..... nyways the cover song epiphany by the piano guys makes me think of this kind of scenario SO MUCH gods i just wanna be held by sebby okay <//3

107 notes · View notes

aer-in-wanderland · 3 years

Photo

구미호뎐 | Tale of the Nine Tailed - Lee Dong Wook’s Early Christmas VLIVE 2020.12.23 TotNT Talk

In which Lee Dong Wook talks about the series finale, deleted scenes, behind the scenes, and what TotNT means to him.

This Year as Lee Yeon [1:16:20~]

The final ‘2′ is: ‘This Year as Lee Yeon.’ Yes, that’s right. Well, truly this year, after Wook Talk* wrapped, I lived as Lee Yeon for nearly the full year. As of this week, it's been.. What is it? Three weeks since Tale of the Nine Tailed wrapped, right? Still, to think three weeks have already passed…

At first, after it ended, for about one or two weeks, I was continuously listless; after it finished airing. But filming actually wrapped a while before then, so for nearly about a month, over a month, I've felt a bit empty, yes. And heartsick... (sigh) So, this year I lived as Lee Yeon. I received a lot of love, yes. And got to experience many new things; there were a lot of enjoyable things, yes.

Humans really are like that. We're forgetful creatures, aren't we? While we were filming, it was intense and exhausting. I would think, ‘Gosh, when are we ever going to finish? Seriously, when are we going to film all of this?’ But now that we've actually wrapped, now that a month and three weeks have already passed since we finished filming... (nods) Now that I'm able to calmly look back on things, ‘It was fun,’ ‘It was enjoyable,’ ‘We really had a great time of it. We really worked hard.’ These are the things that have stayed with me the most.

[*Note: This is the nickname for Lee Dong Wook’s 2019 talk show.]

Lee Dong Wook’s Affection for TotNT [1:18:18~]

[Reading the live chat] Do I have a lot of love for Tale of the Nine Tailed?

Yes. Most likely, of everyone in the world, I probably have the most love for Tale of the Nine Tailed. Of course, the fans of our drama that loved it, and my fans that loved me, probably have a lot of love for it as well, but it's possible that I love TotNT even more than our director and writer, yes. (nods)

(Sigh) Since there's so much that went on behind the scenes that I can't even begin to tell you about... (nods)

There's... Lee Seung Hwan, among Lee Seung Hwan hyung's songs, among Lee Seung Hwan sunbae's songs, there's one called ‘Even if I Write A Poem with Tears’ (눈물로 시를 써도). In the lyrics there's a line that goes, ‘A letter torn up for having far too many circumstances [to convey] / Do you know the meaning of that?’ Right now, that's precisely how I feel. There are so many circumstances, and since they're not all things I'm able to tell you about.. (nods) Yes, well, in any case, I believe of everyone in the world, I have the most love for Tale of the Nine Tailed.

Sense of Responsibility [1:19:51~]

Tale of the Nine Tailed is... to me it was one of the dramas in which I had a large burden, a lot of responsibility to bear; in which an immense amount rested on my shoulders. From the very beginning, the director, the writer, and I spent quite a lot of time preparing just the three of us. Mm...so, while I'm only saying this now, before we even began, from the very start, I began this project with the feeling that, whether the drama succeeded or failed, I would have to bear the full responsibility for that. (nods) It was a drama, and a character, that I felt that much responsibility, that much affection for.

So, yeah, we spent seven months filming, and the broadcast, too, ended well.

The Final Scene [1:21:10~]

There are an awful lot of questions about the final scene. ‘At the end, is he a gumiho or a human?’

Honestly, I hadn't thought that that was something to be that shocked about. ‘They'll just think of this as a bonus cut.’ ‘Whether he's become a gumiho, or he's human but his powers remained, Lee Yeon will continue to eliminate the demons (ak’gwi) of this world, and Ji Ah will be with him, encouraging him and lending him strength.’ I thought people would think of it as just that much of a bonus cut, but, ‘He's become human,’ ‘He's a gumiho,’ ‘He lied to Ji Ah,’ ‘He deceived everyone.’ There was so much talk going around. So, ‘Ah, this.. I may have been somewhat mistaken.’ I did think that, yes.

But that wasn't necessarily a decision made solely by the writer and director. My opinion is reflected in that as well, so, well, since it's all over and done with at this point, rather than blaming or not blaming someone, I think it would be best if we all just laid it to rest, yes.

Six Years Later [1:22:37~]

Rather, I thought the focus would be on the happy ending: ‘Lee Yeon returned. And so, he and Ji Ah became a happy family.’ (nods) And, there is a bit more to it than that, actually, yes.

Originally, hmm... We don't know if we'll be able to do the commentary [for the director's cut Blu-ray] or not, but if it turns out we do, we'll talk about these sort of.. yes, we'll talk about these things, so..

To tell you a little bit up front, originally, in the scene at the park where I meet Rang-ie, that boy who is like a reborn Rang-ie, that's six years later, according to the script. As to why we didn't add that '6 years later' in as a chyron... If we had, our environment would have needed to change completely. At the very least, the smartphones Lee Yeon and Ji Ah use; their car, like, the cars driving about on the roads, all these sorts of surrounding items; the house we live in - so, well, that would be a set, wouldn't it? - all those things would have had to have changed, but we didn't have the time needed to physically make those changes. And, honestly, none of us know what sort of smartphones we'll be using in six years, do we? What car models will be released six years from now, how people will dress and go about six years from now. So, in wanting to keep true to those details, we thought it might be fine to just leave it at, ‘some amount of time had passed,’ and go with that. But now, well, thinking about it now, if we'd just added in the chyron, I think maybe it might have been easier for you all to understand, yes.

Daughter [1:24:33~]

And, ah, there was really a lot [of talk] about that. That's...of course, we, since that scene itself was deleted it's only natural that you all wouldn't know, but, ‘Lee Yeon and Ji Ah have a daughter.’

So, well, there were these photos of this child actress going about [the internet], but.. she's not our daughter. (laughs) She's just.. As to what that deleted scene was, it was a scene in which Ji Ah and I happily enjoy a picnic, just the two of us, at the park. I’d made delicious kimbap...

And then, the little girl just passes by.. So, to put it simply, that little girl was an extra. But then, somehow, that scene ended up being deleted, and with all the curiosity over the ending, that just snowballed until people started saying, ‘That little girl was our daughter,’ ‘They had a daughter, but they didn't show her to us,’ that sort of talk was all over.

But, yes. (laughs) That's not the case. Well, for this, since there seems to be a lot of misunderstanding, I thought I might set the record straight for you just this once, yes.

[Reading the live chat] Yes, she's not our daughter! (laughs) She's a child actress who, yes, just came briefly to act as an extra for us.

Lee Yeon’s Thread Rings [1:26:08~]

Oh! The thread rings, yes. I said in my previous VLIVE that, yes, that the color of the thread rings was of no consequence. They’re just one of Lee Yeon’s accessories that I had come up with from the very beginning. But after I began wearing the couple ring I no longer wore them. Also, in episode 16, when I return from the River of Three Crossings as a human, at that time too I’m not wearing the thread rings. But...well, after the 6 year time jump that only I know about, I’m wearing them again. The thread rings.

So they were actually a mark just for me that symbolized my abilities. I regained my abilities, and so, at the end, in the bonus cut as well, I’m once again wearing those rings, as always. So that was what I was referring to when I said that. But at that time, the broadcast was still ongoing, so I wasn’t able to explain these sort of specifics; the meaning of the thread rings.

But that’s something that nobody knows. I’m the only one who knows that. The director, the writer, nobody else will know that. Because it’s something that I came up with all on my own, a detail I made all on my own, so that’s probably something that nobody knows. It was something that only I knew, yes.

‘Missing’ Behind the Scenes Footage [1:27:43~]

Well, I'm aware that there are a lot of other things you're curious about too. Regarding Tale of the Nine Tailed. But, well, I can't just go into each and every one of them here.

Ah, right! The.. ‘The kiss scene, the bed scene, why was there no BTS footage of that?’ I heard that people have been saying this, but.. (chuckles, sighs). Yes, there's a bit more to the story there as well.

So the thing is... that was the production team being considerate of us. They were being considerate of me and Bo Ah-ssi. As to why, it's because, before being actors, we're people. Of course, as part of acting we act out those sort of scenes, but there are times when we feel self-conscious. If a camera that isn't ours, another camera like a BTS camera or a still camera is filming that, the people who are taking that footage, those photos, are a bit, yes. They're hesitating for our sake. ‘Ah, is it okay for me to film this right now? To capture this?’ ‘Is this not, in some way, inconsiderate towards them?’ ‘Am I interfering with the filming of this important scene?’ Well, from that line of reasoning, they were being considerate of us.

But, also... It was something that I wanted. “I would like it if you didn't film the BTS for these sorts of scenes.” This goes for me as well, but also, the actress could feel even more self-conscious and uncomfortable, so. Well, it was that sort of thing, yes. It wasn’t as if we were filming some sort of x-rated scene with a lot of exposure or anything, but - I'm sure many of you are aware - when it comes to those sorts of specialized scenes, only the essential crew remain while everyone else goes outside, yes. They vacate the space. But, well, we also did that when we filmed these sorts of scenes. So you can just think of it in that context. Of course, I know that wasn’t what you meant when you said you were curious about the behind-the-scenes [for these scenes] but, (laughs) well, I'd I appreciate it if you understood, yes.

Behind the Scenes Story? [1:29:52~]

Tale of the Nine Tailed behind the scenes [stories]... There are so many. Yes. But, well, honestly, it's not as if each and every last one is coming to mind right now. My thoughts are all jumbled.

Inviting Questions [1:30:35~]

Since we're on the subject of Tale of the Nine Tailed, if you’ll send me some of the questions you had about TotNT, I'll take a look and answer a few. Using this time. That would be, yes, I think that would be best.

Iconic Scenes [1:31:03~]

[Reading the live chat] Iconic Tale of the Nine Tailed scenes?

Oh, I can't pick one. Iconic scenes, iconic lines, anecdotes that stuck with me, I can't pick these sorts of things. There were just so so many. Yes, so much happened. And well, yes, so many memories are coming to mind that I can't pick just one. (nods) That's a bit... I'd appreciate if you would understand.

But I’ll say this: from beginning to end, there wasn't a single scene, a single cut, that wasn't precious to me. Truly. (nods) Yes. Because I gave my all to the creation of every scene; because I had to take responsibility for more than I ever have in any other drama, all of it is precious, and all of it has stayed with me.

The First Scene Filmed [1:32:00~]

[Reading the live chat] The first scene we filmed?

The first scene we filmed was the one where, in episode 1, after exterminating Yeo Nui at the wedding hall, I'm sitting in the park and, yes. He's revealed later as Soo Oh. The scene in the park I filmed with that kid, that was the first scene we filmed.

(Sigh) But that day, there was a high wind warning. A high wind warning. The wind was blowing really hard, and even though it was mid-April, even wearing a long parka, it was cold. On top of that, our hair and clothes were being blown about, so even though it wasn't such a difficult scene, it took a long time to film.

So, although it was our first day filming, we really had a hard time of it, and it took a long time, and, conversely, it helped me adjust quickly [to what filming TotNT would be like]. It was that sort of scene. (chuckles)

The Red Umbrella [1:32:59~]

[Reading the live chat] You want to own the umbrella?

Ah, the umbrella. (chuckles) The umbrella. It's expensive. Yes. That's, but, as I mentioned previously, promotional items aren't something I can do anything about...

Wirework [1:33:31~]

[Reading the live chat] Did the wires hurt?

Ah, they hurt a bit at first. They hurt a bit at first but, later, after doing wirework for about seven months, I got used to them. (nods) Later on, doing wirework action was a bit fun. Well, that is, the people rigging the wires, our stunt team, must have had a hard time of it, but for me.. (laughs) I sort of enjoyed it later on. It was fun. I mean, moving about mid-air is something that, frankly, we can't normally do, isn't it? Flying about like this for a long period of time.. (nods) Later on it got really fun.

Imoogi SFX Makeup [1:34:50~]

[Checks the live chat and laughs] Hahaha Was the Imoogi makeup a sticker?

That's (laughter) that's really, really expensive special effects makeup. It takes an hour to do that (nods, laughs again). Yes, it's not a sticker. It's special effects makeup. Specialists in our country who are extremely good at special effects makeup came and took an hour each time to painstakingly apply that makeup.

[Checking the live chat] The questions are going by so fast. Hold on a second.

The Scene in which LDW Cried the Most [1:35:46~]

[Reading the live chat] Ah, the scene in which I cried the most?

Ah~ The scene in which I write a letter to Ji Ah. Mm....In that scene where I write a letter to Ji Ah......I really did cry a lot, yes.

And.... A scene where I cried when I wasn’t originally supposed to was...that, when I leave a video message for Rang-ie. Originally, crying there wasn't in the script. But, without even meaning to, tears came.

Ah, so, if you watch that scene again... The part where I go, ‘This message will explode in 10 seconds... I'm kidding. I just wanted to try saying that,’ and end the video, the camera draws back from me, like this. But I suddenly start crying, and sob. So this camera draws back, and stops. Originally it was supposed to zoom all the way out, but it stops, and goes back in a little bit, about this far. They used a camera rig to film it like this, but.. That’s how I remember it, yes. If you try watching that [scene] once more, you'll see. Yes. They were tears that hadn't originally been planned on.

Lee Yeon’s ‘Profession’ [1:37:51~]

[Reading the live chat] Haha After he's restored, will Lee Yeon really be a stay-at-home husband while living off rent money?

(Nods) He probably will, yes. (chuckles, nods) Lee Yeon has so much money that I don't think he'd bother working. And, I think he would focus all of his strength on protecting Ji Ah.

The Video Messages [1:38: 31~]

[Reading the live chat] In the final episode, in the scenes where Rang-ie and I cry while looking at each other’s video messages, were we really watching each other cry?

Yes. Rang-ie [Kim Beom] and I both actually recorded those messages on our phones. We really recorded them, and we each filmed while watching the video the other had recorded. So we really did watch them, and we really did cry. (nods)

Who Has More Money? [1:39:18~]

[Reading the live chat] (chuckles) ‘I heard that Lee Rang has more money than Lee Yeon~?’

Ah, it seems this was something Rang-ie said. (nods) That could be. I think that’s entirely possible.

[Note: This is a reference to something Kim Beom said in his Instagram LIVE]

End of TotNT Question Time [1:39:56~]

[Reading the live chat] I'm looking for a question I might be able to answer...but...nothing is really jumping out at me.

Hmmm Hmmm... Yes, well, it seems like I'll have to wrap up talking about Tale of the Nine Tailed here, yes. I had wanted to answer more of your questions but...yes. I'm not seeing the sort of question I might be able to answer for you. Well, in any case, thank you so, so much for loving Tale of the Nine Tailed, and for liking it so much even now.

Drama Memorabilia [1:42:12~]

[Reading the live chat] Oh! ‘Did you ever want to own any of the outfits you wore while filming a drama?’

Oh this one, yes. I can answer this one. While filming a drama, key items, things that are associated with me, like outfits, I have them. Yes. Ah... I think I have an item from just about every [project] at home, yes. So, come to think of it, hmm...from Goblin, you know, that grim reaper...uh...costume? From the fedora down to the shoes - the suit, shirt, shoes, fedora; I have all of them. Just as they were. The coat, yes. So I have my reaper costume kept nicely at home, just as it was. And when I was filming Life, the name tag I wore around my neck all the time, that, ‘Ye Jin Woo,’ yes, that, ‘Emergency Medical and Health Services, Ye Jin Woo’ name tag is also at home. It's hanging on the fridge. And that, when I filmed Partner some years ago, at that time, I had a nameplate that read, ‘Lawyer Lee Tae Jo.’ That nameplate is at home, too. So I always keep at least one prop, one item that's associated with me that contains memories.

I also have my grim reaper [death] list at home, even now. That list is really something that no one else will have. Yes. I'm definitely the only person in the world who has one. (chuckles) No, it's just, this is just another anecdote but, right around when we were nearly done filming Goblin, the staff had kind of made a lot of those lists, so there were extras. And they kept asking me to sign them. (laughs) But, originally, you're not supposed to write your name on there, right? You only, you know, write the names of people who are going to pass on, so I was like, ‘Even though I know this..is not the real thing, is it really all right for me to, ah, sign this?’ (laughs) Later I was like, ‘No, no I can't sign this,’ and turned them away. There was that anecdote. (laughs)

Oh, and that, that umbrella sheath that Yeon-ie wore everywhere. You know that umbrella sheath he wore like this? That's... I made that. I designed it. Should I have brought that today to show you? Well, later, if there's an opportunity. But even though I only ever wore the black one on screen, there was actually another one that was brown. So I had those made out of high-quality leather, very expensively, yes, two of them. Yes, it was my idea. It was an idea my styling team and I came up with. ‘Since he's always carrying that umbrella about, rather than carrying it in-hand, what if I tried wearing it over my shoulder?’ I thought. So we had them made, and when I mentioned it to the director he said, ‘Oh, that sounds interesting,’ ..yes. Naturally, I have those. Those too, as you'd expect, are in my possession. And... [Reading the chat] Yes, I designed them, yes. I paid for them myself.

And, oh. The umbrella that you all wanted so much. That umbrella, and the sa'ingeom, yes. I have them both. (nods) Ah, I should have brought them today. How much you all must have wanted to see them. I didn't think of it, I'm sorry. That umbrella case, the brown one that never aired, the umbrella, and the sa'ingeom, I have all of them. Later, if there's an opportunity, it'd be nice if I could give you a good look at them. Yes, well, from small things like the name tag to my reaper costume, these sorts of things, yes.

[Reading the live chat] You’re envious, aren't you? Yes (laughs) Yes, well, anyway.

~~~

For anyone interested, you can find excerpts from Lee Dong Wook’s earlier TotNT VLIVE that I translated here, here, and here.

#tale of the nine tailed #totnt #lee dong wook #king #구미호뎐 #이동욱 #vlive #20201223 #behind the scenes #bts #ldw is the true mvp of totnt #and I'm not just talking about this #he assumed a lot of responsibility and had a lot of creative input #way more than would be considered normal #gif cr: remm

77 notes · View notes