#the worst thing you can call a gay trans or queer person
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"I don't want people offended by "f****t" as a "slur" following me" --homophobic asshole or 3edgy5u tumblr kweer?
#like sorry but that makes literally no sense#thats not a like. fun alternative edgy ID signifier#its hate speech and has been forever#some people will use it about themselves within gay spaces#but thats an extremely individual thing#what alternative universe are you from where thats not like#the worst thing you can call a gay trans or queer person#not because it indicates theyre ~deviant~#but because it indicates that you are unpersoning them#what the fuck
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One of the most generally useful things to come out of Hbomberguy's plagiarism video and Todd in the Shadows' similar video on misinformation is how they bring transparency to the internet phenomenon of "I made up a guy to get mad at".
Seriously, I've seen people make up a lot of stupid shit on the internet over the years and it's often just a manipulative attempt to paint a group of marginalized people in a bad light.
That's the TL;DR version of this post.
ANYWAY here is the long version
Those videos are mostly about James Somerton's plagiarism of other queer people's work. However I'd like to talk about that 20-30% of Somerton's original writing- and oh boy. It's mostly about complaining about White Straight Women and misgendering well-known trans creators such as Rebecca Sugar and calling Becky Albertalli a straight woman while it's pretty common knowledge that she was forced to out herself as bi because she received so much harassment over "being a cishet woman who appropriates LGBT+ stories".
One thing that irks me especially is how in his Killing Stalking and Gay Shipping videos Somerton brings up how straight women/ teen girl shippers exploit gay men for their personal sexual fantasies. This gets brought up several times in his videos.
Being all up and arms about Somerton being a "White Cis Gay Who Hates Women and Queer People tm" is not that useful because the kind of rhetoric he's using is extremely common in fandom and LGBT+ spaces on Tumblr, TikTok and Twitter. We really don't need to bring Somerton's identity to this since he is in no way an unique example.
It's hypocritical to make this about an individual person when I've seen A TON of posts, tweets and videos where queer people talk about these Sinister Straight Women who are supposedly out there fetishizing and exploiting queer men. It's pretty clear to me that this is just an excuse to shit on women and queer people for having any sexual interests. At worst these comments are spreading misinformation about BL, a form of media that has been excessively studied by both Asian feminists and Asian queer women.
This all sounds really familiar and I think it's good that people are calling it out as what it is: misogyny and transphobia. I'd also point out the potentially racist motives behind being this hypervigilant about Asian media.
People can absolutely be misogynist regardless of gender or orientation. I really don't know why we need to create some kind of made up enemy to get mad at. I actually think it's almost sinister how "anti-fujoshi" people call Slash shippers and fujoshi misogynists or claim that they have internalised misogyny while being dismissive about women's interests and creative pursuits under Japanese obscenity laws, China's censorship, book bans in American schools and various other disadvances that are part of being a queer and/or female creator.
I think we shouldn't be naive about the bad faith actors who want to turn queer people against each other. For example Fujoshi.info mentions anti-gender (TERF, GC etc) movement using this kind of rhetoric as well.
Anyway if you want to read more:
- about the false info around BL fandom fujoshi.info
-There is the scholar Thomas Baudinette who studies gay media in Japan. Here is a podcast with him and the scholar Khursten Santos
-James Welker is a BL scholar as well. Here is a podcast interview about the new international BL article collection he edited.
-I've already talked about this Youtube channel by KrisPNatz and his great Killing Stalking video that actually engages with the themes of the manhwa
- There is also HR Coleman's thesis DO NOT FEED THE FETISHIZERS: BOYS LOVE FANS RESISTANCE AND CHALLENGE OF PERCEIVED REPUTATION where she interviews 36 BL fans and actually breaks down why fetishization has become such a huge talking point in the fandom discourse. Spoilers, it's mostly about young queer people and women being worried that they will get judged and pathologized for their interest in anything sexual.
-Great podcast about Danmei and censorship with Liang Ge
#Also I don't mean that you can always tell if someone is a transphobe or a TERF based on a couple of things they have said.#My point is that sometimes ok people can have very regressive ideas too.#This is not a call out post about how we should go around accusing anti-fujoshi people#todd in the shadows#hbomberguy#sarasade text#even I've got those “Fandom is mostly straight women fetishizing gay men” comments once and it begins to sound kind of passive-aggressive#when you're a bi woman. Lot of fandom stats at AO3 show that fandoms are montly bi women. who are these people calling straight exactly hmm#also straight women are completely ok leave them alone. I know I know Yes I'm so brave for saying this#cw: transphobia
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I've noticed a rise in radfems/TERFs in feminism tags and more specifically trying to rebrand as The Real Feminism or True Feminism since it's "for the girlies" or whatever.
I am begging you all to help me bury them.
Because as a teen who grew up during the peak of exclusionary "bi/pan/aces aren't vaild" and "kill all men" era where the concept of misandry THRIVED I'm telling you this feels extremely similar.
And radfem/terf ideology got mainstream from those sentiments being so popular and so easy to tap into. It was framed as being righteous since men were oppressors.
"Women are good and men are just mean oppressors! Look at everything they've done!" is such a common sentiment in those circles.
It also completely lacks critical feminist thought.
And we're STILL dealing with the affects of it over a decade later.
.....So let's talk about JKR since she's currently the Figurehead and favorite of the movement that's trying to rewrite feminist history.
It's 2023. It's a year before a US election where Project 2025 and Trump would happily create a road for trans and queer folks to be imprisoned if not worse.
Which is I'm sure why JKR has been photographed and interacting with multiple members from The Heritage Foundation, people whove spoken for them, and people who attended theyre meetings. She even enjoyed watching Magdalen, who who she credits for becoming a TERF.
But do you know who Magdalen is? Or what else she was saying? What about any of the other people in the photo? Do you know the scope of what JKR was internalizing and how bad it was? Do you know she has ties to conservative anti-abortion groups?
Do you know what The Heritage Foundation? Probably not and they're the worst so let me tell you why it's such a huge red flag for her and other so-called TERFs and radfems to be associated with them.
Because I can tell you right now she heard a lot of things from those people and there is no fucking way in hell that it was just about queer people or just some sex-specific concerns. And it wasn't just passive bigotry.
Anyone who doesn't conform to the idea of a white, straight nuclear family (re: single mothers, leftists, immigrants, gay couples, etc) is made out to be an enemy of the state.
Anyone they can justify as a "national threat." Yes, they call us all a national threat on their site, their book, and the pamphlets they pass out to politicians. The details are listed on their website including the Mandate For Leadership which is their instruction guide for the next president.
I'm not exaggerating when I say it calls for genocide, prison camps, and eugenic cleansing.
Several people in that photo don't even support abortion, a basic women's rights that JKR claims to care about deeply.
JKR was consuming white supremacist dogma under the guise of feminism.
And she's not willing to admit or correct it which is where the problem lies. She won't even admit to herself that she was fooled or that it's bad or hypocritical.
My concern is that she is not the only person who's fallen for it and there are more everyday.
So it's very important to me y'all learn how to filter out what Actual Feminism is in this age where literal fascism is attempting to take its place.
Firstly,
Real, actual feminism will be welcoming to EVERYONE
Because the patriarchy doesn't only affect women or cis people or white women and it's an insult to every previous feminist icon to say otherwise.
Feminists have been fighting for decades to unite people under the concept that Patriarchy is a system that will be brought down with allyship and solidarity.
They've been fighting so hard and so long to prove that everyone deserves the same rights as men.
That women are just as capable as men and shouldn't be stopped from entering fields of study and sports dominated by men. They've been fighting to prove that women are just as capable and smart as any man is, that men would benefit from it dismantling patriarchy too.
Women fought side by side with the queer community to get Roe v Wade passed in 1973. You know why? Because despite what radfems and TERFs will tell you trans women benefit from protecting and standing up for bodily autonomy.
Do not let bigots tear drive a wedge between two groups that experience gender based oppression and would benefit from the same exact rights.
We have changed history together and they're terrified we'll do it again.
A screenshot from the largest feminist organization active right now, The National Organization of Women.
Notice how the T is included. They even posted this video two years ago when LGBT and specifically trans rights started really coming under attack in 2022.
Trans women are women.
Trans men are men.
ALL women deserve rights.
Every gender deserves equality and fairness.
And feminism is for all of us or it is for none of us.
Because nobody deserves to be treated the way patriarchy treats us.
#feminism#feminist#equality#gender#trans rights are womens rights are human rights#trans rights#womens rights#human rights#intersectional feminism#solidarity#leftist
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A Rant About Masculinity, Cisnormativity, And Cis Gay Men
I was going to write a longer post about my ex-mutual, but I feel no need to put him specifically on the spot here because the issue is so much larger than just him, and because I really hold no ill will against him that I don't hold against all the TEHMs that reblog from him in complete support of what he says despite him claiming to be a trans ally. I think that there are two main things that contribute to the existence of a blogger like him, those being the intersection of how society feminizes both gay & trans men, and how a lot of cis gay men will perform trans allyship to make themselves feel better while still participating in a deeply transphobic culture and taking no action that targets cisnormativity in the gay community.
This ex-mutual is a person whose opinions, actions, and activism (or lack thereof) exist in a weird position. He often goes between fetishizing trans men to erasing us, to policing how we talk about our history. When I asked him whether he was transphobic, he replied talking about how he wanted to have sex with trans men, but I saw that he also made a post around the same time where he tried to "call out" a gay trans man for "fetishizing trans men" by... replying to several photos of trans men with "they're just some guys."
As you can clearly tell by now, he seems to be far more interested in feeling right and in trying to find problematic subtext in the words and actions of gay trans men than he is actually protecting us and being an ally. This is quite common amongst cis gay men who want to be progressive while not taking a stance against the TEHMism and toxic masculinity that poisons the community. And the reason behind this pattern of behavior is really simple: these men, due to their relative privileges not just for being cis but often for things like being white, thin, and perisex, oftentimes have other friends with those privileges, and if you have a large group of privileged people with relatively few people who do not have those privileges, you will likely develop bigotry. So the simple reason that these types of cis gay men do not want to confront their transphobia is because they are surrounded by others who have fallen further down the transphobia pipeline who may abandon them if they call it out.
While things like cisnormativity and toxic masculinity among cis gay men definitely do them a lot more harm than good, many will still uphold these ideas due to the way that cisnormativity benefits them relative to trans men and their lack of exposure to intersectional queer liberation movements. In my opinion, this phenomenon is what is behind cis gay men's performative allyship. They'll go on and on about how valuable gay trans men are to gay culture, but will be actively hostile to gay culture that first developed among gay trans men. They'll go on long rants about how the "toothpaste flag" is the worst thing to happen to the gay community. They'll distance themselves from gay trans men in any way they can when we're real people and not just words on a screen.
And due to many cis gay men's performative allyship clashing with their personal interest in upholding cisnormativity, they'll try to compensate for that by policing gay trans men. They'll accuse us of being the real transphobes if we step out of line or if we tell them that they're being transphobic for using obvious dogwhistles. They'll call a vague group of gay trans men "women" and call us the real transphobes for "hearing someone say 'women' and thinking 'trans men.'"
This brings me to my next point. Due to a lot of cis gay men (especially mascs/gender conforming, though fem/gnc cis gay men aren't entirely exempt) feeling hostile to the idea of having their masculinity challenged, they may contribute to feminizing other gay men who they perceive not to be as masculine as them for any number of reasons. One of these reasons being transness. Not to vaguepost about my ex-mutual even more, but he literally made a post saying "isn't it annoying when women will comment under a picture of any man saying that he's trans and gay?" This guy literally calls himself a trans ally.
I don't think that headcanoning someone as gay and trans is particularly female behavior, [redacted]. but again, this isn't a callout post of my ex-mutual. This is merely an example of something I've seen quite a lot of. This is exactly the reason behind my statement "the transandrophobe/femphobe/misogynist venn diagram of cis gay men is a circle." Because it truly is a circle. Toxic masculinity and misogyny lead to wanting to separate oneself from women, which causes one to see trans men as potential women necessary to separate oneself from. And, many times, this will lead to a hatred of feminine men, as the misogynistic gay man will see feminine men as being like women.
I don't know if I'm onto something about there being something to do with severe, collective trauma in the gay community causing a sort of "crisis of masculinity" within the community. But as I keep thinking about this, I think I am realizing that there is a lot more to this issue than at first meets the eye. Something to think about.
#wentz.txt#long post#transandrophobia#queer discourse#tehms die faster challenge#this is one of my longest posts ever#intersectionality
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I think one of the worst things gay people on internet do is misappropriate language.
Things like "queer infighting" and "callout culture" are these things that get tossed around bereft of contextual meaning and turned into boogeymen and fear mongering items. Queer infighting is bad, callout culture is bad for reasons that make you go "oh, yeah! that does sound bad."
People say it unfairly targets trans people which is probably true but I find a lot of people seeming to believe that callouts and infighting regarding things like kink or online drama are the like, monolith culture of this sort of language.
I feel genuinely intimidated to talk about my shitty exes who raped and manipulated and lied to and fucked with me because they are trans, and the things they did are personal and real and have taken so much time to just normalize in the wake of. Cuz they're genuine predators, and I think it's probably a normal thing to want predators to get beat the fuck up. It's normal to hate the personal evil that people can heap upon others. I've spoken out about them because I felt it was called for.
I think a misappropriation of this kind of language over this shit is people referring to a kind of manufactured boogeyman that is masterminded by a fascist overmind with a goal of being mean to white online trans ppl about the pretty skeezy sex thing they like.
You look at complaints about cancel culture and they cite really inane callout posts about people just being rude or super tenuous garbage and gossip and yeah it's super stupid that we use the same language in those situations that we use to keep people safe from rape and grooming. I don't think that changes the fact that converting people wanting other to be accountable for their actions into a right wing ploy to make trans people unanimously into sex criminals is just fucking stupid.
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So I'm about to ask something that might be personal ? And it deals with some personal baggage that you as someone on the internet might not be interested in hearing about ^^' so you might not want to talk about it as is your right obv !! So uh feel free to tell me to fuck off, but, how did you know you weren't cis?
Ya see, I've been questioning my gender for a while now, and I can't really come up with an answer. I'm a lesbian, that's a pretty big part of my identity, I'm not overly feminine but not masc either, when people refer to me as female I feel super uncomfortable, but I ain't too bothered by some of my body parts, ive daydreamed about switching to they/them pronouns online or masculine pronouns in my native language.... But all of that wouldn't fit with what people might expect of me ? And I'm scared if I actually went through those changes people might think I'm performing a form of queerness I shouldn't be privy to. And the worst part about this is, most of my friends are queer, non binary, trans... Wouldn't they think I'm trying to copy them ? Even though ive had those thoughts long before we met ?
Kinda feel like I'm stuck, and I don't know how to be myself, because myself might not align with how i act or how i seem to be on the outside. idk if you feel the same, but it's especially shitty living in a country with a heavily gendered language you can't escape adjectives forever lmaooo
listen to me. i am holding your face in my hands. nothing and i mean nothing you decide in regards to your gender and/or sexuality will ever be anyone's business but your own. the idea that you can "appropriate" someone else's experience with queerness is a gross bastardization of the discussion on CULTURAL appropriation, which is a false analogy and can devolve into gender essentialism fast.
you have no idea how many trans people (gay people too, but especially trans people) locked themselves in the closet because of that same feeling. of "not beeing privy to those experiences", especially for trans women. i promise, as long as you stop at establishing what a certain label means TO YOU and don't try to decide what it means for other people, then you will never hurt anyone. anyone who says otherwise is a cop.
there are trans men out there who lived as cis lesbians for a very long time, and because that was such a big part of their life, they still think of themselves as such, at least in part. for some it's out of kinship. for some it's out of genuine attachment to the word. same thing with gay men who grew on to become trans women. and trans people in general who still carry their younger selves right by their heart. genderqueers who ended up being cis after all, but who still feel like that period of exploration was crucial in shaping their identity. butch and femme alone, while particularly dear as lesbian identities, encompass all genders and sexualities. wanna know something funny? i throw terms around a lot in english, but if you asked me in italian what my gender identity is, i would say "bisexual". because almost every person in my life who's ever called me bisexual actually meant "nonbinary", or "whatever weird thing those transgendereds got going on lately" (some of them probably meant intersex as well, which just for the record i am not. as far as i know, at least). is it an outdated definition? sure. but unlike the literal italian word for nonbinary, bisexual is actually a neutral noun lol. and after all, my experience with gender does inform my sexuality, just as my sexuality informs my experience with gender. it's not wrong, technically. but if someone somehow assumes I'm a lesbian (which happens a lot lol) i don't usually correct them i just... go with it too, y'know?
anyway, what it sounds like to me is that you're obviously going through a period of questioning your gender and or presentation, which you took notice of, but you also feel some kind of peer pressure or societal expectation from other queer people that is denying you a safe, healthy form of self expression in this new period of your life that you obviously wish for yourself. please, try not to pay it too much mind. try out whatever label or description calls to you. change it without notice if you find something better. and if anyone gives you trouble for it, eat them. good luck buddy.
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Read something this morning that made me really pissed off (and also is kinda applicable to the Grishaverse).
So, as I may have mentioned, my country is currently fighting for gay marriage. And at the same time, the homophobes in the government and parliament are trying to make gay marriage unconstitutional, because fuck us.
So, obviously, because the ruling coalition is mostly made up of conflict-averse liberals, a compromise has been offered: Expanding civil unions to have more rights but not calling it marriage. Everyone's happy, right? The f*gs get rights and the meaning of marriage is preserved. Hurray! Ignore the trans castration law we're adamant is necessary and don't look too deeply into what the compromise would really mean.
But "JsmeFér", a queer rights advocacy group, did.
Surprise surprise, the compromise would lead to passing gay marriage unconstitutional and the "expansion" of civil unions is minimal. Because we can't have nice things.
It would be a tiny step forward, but it would freeze us in that position for years, if not decades, to come, while leaving us open for regression.
Again, because fuck us and because liberals.
So, how does this apply to the Grishaverse?
Simple, really. The core message is: There's no such thing as a compromise when it comes to human rights. Not really. It only serves to preserve the status quo while appearing progressive on the surface.
When one side wants equal rights and the other side is a few drinks away from openly advocating for genocide (in the best case scenario), a compromise will always inevitably favor the already powerful side. They stall progress but keep regression as an option.
It's a message LB fails to understand, or at least convey, over and over again in the books. She shows us how bad the Grisha situation is in the different countries, how the default is seeing Grisha as sub-human, how the average person doesn't question their status as such and even supports it, how deep the prejudice runs and how intertwined it is with the world's religions.
And then she makes the only person actually fighting to change that the story's villain and mocks and shames anyone who decides to devides to see him as the good guy. Her protagonists support this system and the prejudices it creates and supports and are only allowed minor protests and changes to it, which are cosmetic at best and actively harmful at worst.
You can't compromise with a genocide cult. You can't compromise with people who see you as subhuman and unnatural - most won't change their minds just because you're nice. I mean, you can, technically, but it is a recipe for disaster.
Stop treating appeasing bigots as a solution. It does not work, on any scale. Human rights are not something that should be compromised on.
#grishaverse#shadow and bone#irl stuff#homophobia discussion#tldr#compromising with people who want you to suffer and/or die is a bad idea#and will inevitably end up hurting you
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I have...such complicated mixed feelings on the way we're kind of "rehabbing" older queer(coded) characters lately.
On the one hand, it's really, really unsettling to see people unironically holding up these characters who were, more often than not, the butt of jokes in their time as somehow ~great representation~ and ~ahead of their time~ - when, for the most part, no! No they weren't! They were VERY much products of their time, they could barely be MORE products of their time! Even most of the few who WERE portrayed sympathetically for the most part still had MOMENTS where their queerness was played as something to be laughed at, not with! And the fact that we're hearing these claims that they're super positive and progressive actually all over the place at the same time as we're all but bringing back "metrosexual" with how much stricter we're getting about gender presentation before we begin to Suspect Things, at the same time as "egg" has all but become the ~progressive~ way to say "I'm revoking your man card" (but we internally think that's a GOOD thing so it's FINE to hold people to that standard, right?), at the same time as we have an explosion of people treating stereotypes as absolute facts that can predict everything about a person from their REAL gender (because the problem with gender essentialism is ONLY that people apply it to genitals instead of presentation, right?) to their sexuality to their sexual position preference and it's TOTALLY not questionable at ALL that all of this lines up almost perfectly with the model from ancient Greece that acted like being a gay male bottom was only slightly less pathetic and useless than being a (cis) woman which was just the WORST thing you could be, and all that fun crap...that's really not a fun call to have coming from inside the house!
But, on the other hand, in the context of an even partially changed culture...sometimes, uh...in a sense, maybe not the same sense some of the people saying it think, but a very meaningful sense nonetheless...they're right, actually. Some older queercoded characters, especially comedic ones, really have aged into being a lot more positive than they were intended to be, just by virtue of surviving to see the culture stop seeing "being gay or trans or gnc or anything else is inherently bad and shameful and embarrassing" as being as much of a self-evident "fact" as when they were written. Like, the writers were often never MEAN about them beyond "oooooh the man is wearing a dress!" or "oooooh that woman is crude and unladylike!" or whatever else that large swaths of the modern population...no longer see as inherently shameful or even close to it. There may still be humor to be found in the fact that they're flying in the face of expectations, but who a good number of us read as the butt of the joke has changed.
And another important thing is, this approach as a reparative reading isn't actually new at all. Queer communities have reclaimed and celebrated these characters this way for pretty much as long as they've been produced, reveling in the fact that really, when you peel away the completely arbitrary social demands, the superficial stereotypes used in this coding literally aren't even bad - oh nooooo, the character is ECCENTRIC, call in the national guard~! Like, c'mon writers, did you just forget to actually be mean in your bullying attempt, or what? Of course, these characters ARE still funny as hell though - by virtue of being the one fucking interesting person surrounded by boring-ass normies who react HILARIOUSLY to anything even slightly off from their expectations, that is. Nothing new about that reading at all! We've always been doing it!
What is pretty new - and for the most part constitutes a wonderful sign about how times are changing, but also has aspects that are very, very worrying - is people not realizing that this is a reparative reading and instead assuming this is how most of these characters were meant to be read all along, nor realizing that most people did not read them that way. It is still very, very important to remember - lest we, well, put the exact same bullshit in a rainbow hat without a trace of irony or deconstruction like we have been lately - that for the most part, they were not in fact intended to be read this way. There were a few exceptions, but for the most part, these characters were meant to be the punchline themselves, and they performed that role very well to the mainstream audience, because they came about in a time where, if you had a gnc man (or "man"), or a woman who's not interested in men, or whoever else, you really didn't have to go out of your way to frame them as something shameful; that was just automatically culturally "understood" to an even worse extent than it is today. The framing may seem sympathetic by today's standards, especially by the culture set by LGBT+ circles, but at the time it really wasn't meant to be.
But, you know what? As long as you keep that in mind, as long as you're not forgetting the very loaded history here...go nuts! Fuck it, those characters ARE ours now and I am not sorry and you shouldn't be either!
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i don't hate gay people, i am a gay person and i.love gay people. i didn't smear her, i rightfully called her out on her transphobia, because people need to know she (and you) align yourself with those who smear people like me as pedophiles and rapists.
For context: https://www.tumblr.com/butch-reidentified/719311495708753921/pajrc1234-blocked-me-before-even-commenting-that
I'm not sure why you sent this anon; i thought at first that maybe @pajrc1234 is a side blog but its the one you replied on? In any case, since my message to YOU was off anon and you used "I" to address yourself, for transparency I'm keeping your information here.
Hey, i'm really angry about this but I'm holding myself back from being mean and sarcastic to make a point.
The whataboutism? Stops fucking here. There ARE issues in the gay community. There ARE issues with lesbophobia, misogyny, there is petty drama, there is stupid bullshit, there is every conceivable kind of human flaw and foible to be found in human beings under the LGBT umbrella. Do you know why that is? Its because we're human beings, with all the variety that that entails.
That means that, for a community to still be able to come together, we need to recognize we'll bruise some elbows and even come across Genuine Bad Actors in all areas of life. We deserve to look out for OTHERS in our community by calling out behavior - BEHAVIOR - itself that is harmful.
What that does NOT MEAN. Is that you start a witch hunt, targeting almost EXCLUSIVELY same-sex attracted woman. for THINKING or ASSOCIATING with the "wrong" ideas or people.
Do you notice what I did there? Do you recognize theres a difference between "BEHAVIOR" and "THINKING"? or even "CRITIQUING"? Because I don't know that you do! And i don't know if a lot of the loudest voices in "queer activism" these days knows that either. Because it seems to me its pretty clear the people who are actually COMMITING the hate crimes that target gay people (uhhhh including trans women, because thats the only demographic anyone wants to talk about when they go into a lesbians inbox), are NOT people IN the community sharing tragic and traumatic events from their own lives.
Lesbians are members of the LGBT Community. Lesbians have a RIGHT to to be here, and we have a RIGHT to discus the things that are hurting us, same as anyone else.
What you DON'T have a right to do, is police the lived experiences of lesbians on the internet or otherwise, to play out your own victim complex. If YOU BELIEVE that eeeeveryone is out to get you, and that SOMEHOW the worst participants are lesbians on tumblr, I need you to know that is pathetic of you.
Women to start with - Cis women even, if you want to be specific - have the lowest possible numbers for violence. Cis women have the lowest numbers for supporting conservative ideas - by voting records! We have that data. Add on top of that, lesbians are a TINY minority of all cis women. So, a minority of a population that is more frequently targeted for violence is SO SCARY to you, that you HAVE to defensively smear their name before they can get you?
Grow the fuck up. I don't actually believe you're "afraid" of violence from lesbian women. I think you just found a way to be a bully and have your victim cake too. Women aren't required to be extra special niceys to you, the only thing we have to do is survive amidst the other factors that make that difficult, and honestly if you have to turn any attempt at LGBT healing into "But what if you maybe someday possibly align yourself with my actual enemies?!" I think you're a wuss. If you actually cared about chasing out bad actors and right wing extremists, you wouldn't go after the demographic that is the LEAST likely to vote republican.
You don't go after the real enemies, because you KNOW that men are more likely to be violent and abusive and harass you and do all the things that you accuse "TERF"s of doing. You're more afraid of them than you are willing to face the problem, and women are an easy target to you because of that. That is the definition of a coward. Hell, that's probably what got you so mad! @butch-reidentified was in a horrifying situation and survived, WHILE helping someone else, and it triggered you so badly you just dug deep into your ugly woman-hating soul to immediately slander her name and make it about YOU.
You. Are. Pathetic. Get better or shut up.
#homophobia#pulse mention#sorry @butch idk if you wanted to be tagged in these? But i didn't want to seem like I was starting a fight behind your back#that wasn't my intention#anyway#the gay community can never fully heal as long as the automatic reaction people have to a lesbian saying anything#is *how can I make this about me*#(spits on the ground) tired of this cowardly bullshit#you're too afraid to go after republicans and organize to fight desantis#and then you feel bad when women ARE involved politically and otherwise in major events#so you tear them down for it#you see it in a thousand different areas of life there's no reason it wouldn't be the case in the LGBT but god#it feels like there's WAY too much of it lately!
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do you have any advice for figuring out if you're multigender? i think i might be, but in a kind of "both all and none" kind of way? (i actually use the term schrodigender like schrodinger's cat) but i'm really interested in hearing any thoughts you have on determining if you're multigender!
To give you a feel for what my personal journey of multigender discovery was like:
It heavily involved me going back and forth between identities, basically constantly questioning, since I first realized I was queer. I would identify as one thing, then start questioning it (often out of longing for another identity), and then be thrust into the questioning cycle, find something I felt worked, and rinse and repeat. I'd go from being a gay trans guy to a nonbinary lesbian repeatedly over months and years, and it caused me a lot of distress because I felt completely unable to understand myself on any level. At lot of this was worsened by the fact that I was influenced by a lot of exorsexist exlus rhetoric, so any connections I had to multigender identities (like omnique, for example, or even genderfluid!! exclus exorsexism was/is actual poison) was cut off and I forced myself into the idea that my identity had to Make Sense and Fit The Rules. At some point I started getting out of that worldview and accepted, on some level, that I was multigender, but I mostly identified as transneutral and kind of downplayed every part of my gender. It wasn't until I started learning about the idea of transandrophobia that I really started embracing my male identity strongly, which then allowed me to interact more strongly with my womanhood & really, truly accept the entirety of my multigender, multi-sexual identity.
If you have found yourself constantly going back and forth, never being able to be satisfied with one identity for long and continuing to find yourself envious or longing for other identities, that may be a sign you are multigender. For me, I've also experienced a weird mix of... every gender option, including neutral, feeling like a "technically yes, but actually no" kind of thing? Like, if I have to check a box, picking "woman" doesn't feel like the worst, but it also doesn't feel right. But the same goes for "man" or "nonbinary" (which is why I usually pick "decline to say"). Every option feels like its almost right, but the assumption that I have to be only one makes any one response feel like a lie. There's also a sort of feeling of never being entirely comfortable in any gender-based group, like you can never fully belong no matter where you go and will always be some kind of pretender. On a more positive note, I've found myself the happiest so far when I have multiple different groups of people gendering me differently. Last semester I had some teachers/classmates that called me Antonia and used she/her, some that called me Antonio and used he/him, and some that used either/or and would use they/them, and it made me really happy! Being able to be seen as one thing by one person and something totally different by another has been the most validating gender experience ever, far beyond any single incident of gendering.
This is all just my experience, but I hope it might be helpful to compare it to whatever you have experienced and see if anything strikes you. Gender is a messy thing & I wish you good luck <3
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Uranus Conjunct Jupiter - Hope Just Spat Out a Tooth
The Jupiter-Uranus Conjunction is a lot of things, but one way to think of it is basically the new moon of the way the two planets relate - the end of a cycle that started at the last Jupiter Uranus conjunction and the start of something new. I wanted to give a little time to thinking about what we’re putting down, and what we might be able to do with the new energy.
An Aries Cycle
Uranus entered Aries 27 May and stayed there till mid August before retrograde. The conjunction completed 8 June.
Here’s the astro-seek data:
For the first half of the cycle, the energy of the relationship was pretty intense - Jupiter aspected Uranus, then went retrograde and aspected in again, then moved on. It was a slow build up, reaching a pinnacle in 2016/7 before winding down.
Think of this in terms of a lunar cycle. While Jupiter is waxing, building upon the Uranus energy it picked up in its conjunction, Uranus was in Aries. The process was laborious, intense.
Uranus in Aries came with promises - it started with the Arab Spring. Uranus in Aries was a freedom fighter establishing itself. It had rebel without a cause vibes. It came in with riots in the UK over the London Metropolitan Police shooting a black man, the Occupy Movement, the student fees protests and anti-austerity. It came in, fundamentally, with the first Conservative government since 1997.
The last one is important. 1997 was the last election in the UK where power changed hands. Power didn’t change hands in 1983, but the structure of the system changed fundamentally. Uranus and Jupiter can oversee revolutions.
What house is your Aries in? Where was the energy of Uranus active in your life while it was there? Was there anything that took time to develop? Any lessons that had to be learned again and again?
It feels to me almost like Uranus in Aries built up power and worked and grew, then the waning end of the cycle was a release of pressure. For example, in 2010 Britain elected a Conservative government under a Jupiter-Uranus conjunction. The Conservatives got in under a plan to unify the right and temper it’s weirdest and worst aspects. Or at least make it palatable. In 2014, under the square, a right of conservative party group called UKIP became a major party. In 2016 as the opposition completed itself, Britain voted to leave the EU.
In 2018, Uranus entered Taurus - traditional, slow moving and comfortable Taurus is a weird place for Uranus. What happens when Conservatives encounter the nervous energy of Uranus with its connections to queerness and difference? They react with fear. Since the Uranus-Jupiter cycle reached its waning phase, mainstream conservative movements in Britain have been ideologically captured by increasingly deranged conspiracy theorists. This process has felt relatively easy, and fast.
Another example: in 2010 the Lib Dems confirmed they wanted to bring in gay marriage and they had the power to push for it. In 2014, the square gave us gay marriage, but also Time Magazine’s “Transgender tipping point” - the key issues and demands of queer activism started to change. In 2017, at the opposition point of this cycle, the government announced that it would hold a consultation on gender recognition act reform. Then in 2018 Uranus entered Taurus and Gender Critical reactionary anti-trans rhetoric really stepped up. The tenor of the conversation has changed. In 2017 the Tories wanted to be pro-LGBT to be on “the right side of history”. These days the prime minister jokes about murdered trans children in front of their parents.
Cycles and cycles
Of course, we haven’t lost every cultural battle since Uranus entered Taurus, and the Uranus Jupiter Cycle isn’t the only cycle that’s going on. But it has been a tough old cycle. Maybe it was tough for you personally, or maybe the area Uranus has been active in has been blessed with luck from Jupiter. Maybe for you it feels like on a personal level the hard work of Uranus in Aries paid off in an easeful period of Uranus in Taurus. Maybe you’ve even won your political struggles.
It’s worth considering the public and personal issues you’ve been through in this period, and whether they may be coming towards the possibility for something new.
The future
In the next cycle, while it starts in Taurus it’s not there for long - just the conjunction. Then for 14 years Uranus will be active in Gemini, then Cancer.
Taking the last phase as a pattern, the first part of this stage feels relatively easeful - there are no repetitions. In Gemini I wonder if we may find Uranus active in how we respond to, incorporate, and resist technology. This seems reasonable. We appear to have entered one of those periods where technology is shifting.
What interests me is the 2030s. Uranus enters Cancer and we do the work of coming home, nurturing, integrating something. Looking at the cycle we’re about to start - it starts with Uranus in a sign where it’s deeply reactive, and uncomfortable (arguably, Uranus has its fall in Taurus). But, I hope, it’s heading to a kind of integration and better wholeness. There’s the potential in this cycle to learn cool shit and, ultimately, to learn to live with it. To maybe even heal a bit, if we’re lucky.
But, more importantly, it’s a new revolution. Revolutions go around. We didn’t win every fight in the last Jupiter-Uranus cycle, but we won some, and we can win some this time, too.
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The most insidious thing about intracommunity transphobia is how much it still relies on stereotypes of someone's AGAB - trans women and fems and other presumed-AMABs are scary, creepy, burgeoning, sex-obsessed perverts; trans men and mascs and other presumed-AFABs are frivolous, selfish, shallow airheads who just want attention and can't handle REAL problems and/or gross ugly creepy girlfailures who are lashing out and preying on other people because it's the only way to get control over their lives -
And very few people are willing to acknowledge this, because they will SAY "trans women are women, trans men are men, trans people are who they say they are" until they're blue in the face - or rather, until they come up with justifications for these stereotypes that fit into that framework.
It's not subtle misgendering and deep-seated queerphobia to immediately believe the worst of any trans girl who happens to like My Little Pony and Sailor Moon and exists in the general vicinity of teenagers; no, it's TOTALLY a one-off, pay no mind to the fact that the person in question has uncritically believed every single one of these claims that's crossed their social media feed. If anything, it's fighting the idea that women are all weak, powerless, delicate flowers who can never actually hurt anyone! Right?
It's not subtle misgendering and deep-seated queerphobia to write trans men and mascs' issues off as a lesser, "diet" transphobia that's never done anything worse than making people sad on the internet, that's not a persistent stereotype of women from both outside of AND within the queer community; it's just a means of trying to get men to stop talking over women, nor is it transphobia try to talk trans men and mascs out of transitioning because "testosterone is poison" - nor does that idea rebound back around to hurt pre- or non-HRT transfems for that matter - it's TOTALLY true that T will cause roid rage but ONLY in trans men and mascs for, uh, some reason. Absolutely none of this "sit down and shut up and let people insist you're just confused or be written off as a screeching predatory harpy who's an inherent danger to women and children" is a recycled lesbophobic stereotype, how dare the person calling out this behavior misgender trans men by implying as much!?
But of course, pointing this out is just "trying to have it both ways", trying to claim the authority presumed of a man AND the fragility presumed of a woman, right?
Just. Fuck. On the one hand, I need to reiterate, as I always do, that queer people are NOT the primary source of queerphobia - these root ideas aren't born within the queer community, and in fact despite the loud minority, ARE less common here than within cishet society, however much it may sometimes feel otherwise because we're basically each other's captive audience.
On the other hand, we have to look at what's happening here. When this happens as an intracommunity thing, it REALLY fucking sucks because 1) someone who will double down into infinity on any of these ideas does, indeed, have basically a captive audience that they're free to abuse, and 2) it's all predicated on the idea that the MOMENT you come out as queer, you're totally incapable of holding queerphobic ideas, or at the very least you can't REALLY HURT people with them. "What, you're really accusing me, a flaming faggot/a whole lesbian/an actual trans person, of being queerphobic?" says the guy who insists on sticking to the narrative that most gay trans men are obnoxious screeching yaoi fangirl chasers who just want to trick him into straight sex disguised with one degree of abstraction; or the girl who's constantly trying to get her trans girlfriend to quiet down and stop asserting herself, flinching in terror the moment she shows the slightest negative emotion, despite never having acted this way with her cis exes; or the person who immediately pivoted from seeing their nonbinary friend as totally fitting into their "women and nonbinary people" community to seeing them as a creepy predator trying to invade the space the moment they found out they had a deep voice and facial hair. While these are NOT things that all queer people do, they ARE things that most if not all queer people will be on the receiving end of at some point or another if they spend enough time in the community, and that's a problem! Especially since people who have a queer-positive- and feminist-sounding justification, and especially who think of themselves as incapable of doing this kind of harm, are sometimes even capable of justifying saying and doing shit that, coming from anyone else, would be blatantly obvious as a hate crime.
And once again, in conclusion, I must repeat, this is not an identity-linked issue, because guess what - assuming it is is part of the problem!
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I don't think I've ever said this here but:
All my life I was called slurs like "queer", "fag", "faggot", and "tranny" despite staunchly saying I was straight and a boy and had people call me a "bitch", "prissy", "pussy", "girl", etc to insult my gender and insult my person. I'd try to be adversarial when insulted because that was the expectation: for young boys to fight. Of course, that never was my nature, so I couldn't back it up and always got the living crap beaten out of me at least once a week in highschool and it would still happen even if I backed off from the start. It was the same constant insults during the assaults too, I'm not a man, I'm a girl. I was beaten sensless in the woods behind the school by bullies I didn't recognise, left to bleed out unattended after getting hit in the face with a baseball bat, thrown off a second story balcony, kicked down a full flight of stairs so I'd roll down them and lay unconcious at the bottom (and no one stopped to help), ambushed and chased down the street getting shot at by stale paintballs (so they wouldn't explode and hurt more), had some bullies chase after me as I went home with a rope saying they were going to hang me, and had someone pin me to a desk and sexually assault me with a screwdriver just to name a few incidents. By far, not my worst, but up there. The reason? Everyone assumed I was gay and no one wanted to help me, not even the adults.
The comical part of this is the moment that I turned around to the world and said: "You know what? I agree. I am, as you put it, a "tranny fag bitch". I'm a transgender woman, I like women, enbies, and just one man in all of human existance, and I am tired about keeping that quiet and lying that that I never was this way." They turned around on me and went "You're the manliest man, everyone can tell you're a man, you'll never change that!" because the truth never mattered. They never cared if I was gay or trans or secretly a girl, I just didn't conform to their world view and because of that they wanted me dead. They legitimately tried to kill me, and let me die, because of percieved non-conformity.
They didn't teach about queer people in highschool when I went, and a part of the student body tried to openlyhurt and on occasion kill me and the rest of the student body and teacher staff stood by, watched, or pretended not to see because they felt weird about stepping in to help a POTENTIAL queer kid. I didn't conform in their eyes, and that was enough. That's all that mattered.
I see the world today, the slow walk back of progress for womens rights to bodily agency, bodily autonomy being questioned, queer protections and trans acceptance being systematically destroyed, etc. and all I can see is ... elementary school through highschool. All I can remember is the smell of iron, of my own blood, their enraged faces, their laughter at the suffering they cause. And I am beyond terrified.
They claim it's for protection of children, but I grew up living in that kind of "protection", watching it, being a victim of it. It's not protecting your kids, it's legitimizing violence and exonerating people of any age to violate other children on grounds of non-conformity. Your child will get accused of being some form of queer and abused because your kid might be a little different. Because I had ADHD, OCD, and right now, I'm looking to get confirmation I'm autistic, and they started calling me these things when I was 7 years old. I did things differently, in a way that worked for me, and that was enough to abuse me for something I never fully realized or admitted to until I was 26 years old.
It's not about protecting kids when they try to criminalize queer people, queer culture, and their access to healthcare. It's about causing harm for being different, and it won't matter if your kid is cisgender if they're suspected of being transgender. All they're doing is making convenient ammunition to target whomever they please.
If you want to know why I fight for acceptance and equality, that's why. I already know how this turns out, and it's safe for no one.
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I think one of the worst parts about growing up as “other” is the inability to have normal things be seen as normal. Because when you are other, everything you do must also be other
An unstable and shifting identity is characteristic of a teenager. Shifting friend groups, shifting styles, phases that last a few months before fading. But when you add in queerness, transness, it becomes an “obsession”. Because your unstable identity has involved you unsure if you’re genderfluid or just a boy, if you’re bi or gay or just queer, it makes you “other”. Your instability is not natural. It is an obsession, and when the authority in your life tells you that you are obsessed you have to think, what here is normal? what here isn’t?
But they won’t see the typical parts of growing up as natural, they will see it all through the framework of your atypicality. You’re only dressing like that because your obsession with your own identity tells you you have to. It could never just be teenage instability, and if the “other” parts turn out to be something that shifts and fades, rather than being a natural part of growing up, it’s seen as wrong.
Low self esteem and attention seeking behaviors to compensate are incredibly common. Pooling your entire personality into that one cool thing you can do, feeling insecure about the ways you socialize, clinging to a small group of those who have the same little “things” as you. But when your low self esteem is paired with the knowledge that your brain is different, you are neurodivergent, you are mentally ill, you are in danger. You need to be so solidly protected, need to be looked at as though being spoken to is treading on eggshells, need to realize that you can do the same things as the rest of your peers. It doesn’t matter if I’m insecure about the fact that you look a little bit more awkward when you’re dancing, if you’re insecure about the acne on your face, things you could pick from a coming of age movie, it all feels like it draws back to the parts of you that are “other”.
It doesn’t matter that you draw attention to yourself to regain some of that confidence until you seek attention by popping your shoulder out of it’s socket, misremembering exactly what would be considered a dislocation. “why do you feel the need to be such a freak?” When the attention seeking behaviors so common in teens just wanting to make their own way in the world turns into something that isn’t “I’m really good at drawing!” “I like to sing :)”, but is instead “haha look at this weird thing my joint does!” “oh shit that hurts actually- this keeps happening I want to talk to a doctor about it i don’t think this is normal”, it is seen as obsession. It is seen as obsession with the ways you are an outcast and everything you do is only seen as furthering that. Dye your hair wild colours and get piercings in your face? You’re only trying to lean into that outcast nature. It doesn’t matter if you think it looks good, if your friends think it looks good or if it’s in style, it’s a call for attention and because you are other, everything you do must also be other.
it doesn’t matter what you do. You can’t tell them that you don’t like how long your hair is getting without it being an immediate call to dysphoria. It doesn’t matter if you only wanted to cut it because it’s too hot out. You can’t talk about awkward interactions in your classes without it being immediately drawn to your struggles with social interaction and “well covid stunted your social development and you’re neurodivergent, so”. You can’t dress up in styles that draw the eye because you’re only seperating yourself to try and be a social outcast, not to stand out in the positive way you might feel like it is.
Growing up “other” is exhausting, no matter what. But not even being allowed to find comfort in some of your struggles being things that everyone faces just can make that worse.
I’m different to a lot of my peers. I’m queer and trans and neurodivergent and hypermobile and alt and a million other things that seperate me, and there are many ways that i am unlike the fucking majority of people my age. I am used to that, and diminishing those differences and assuming I can do everything they can is just as frustrating. But assuming I’m also completely unable to do anything that doesn’t draw back to one of the unique parts of me just pulls that sense of isolation even tighter around my throat.
#neruodivergent#autism#adhd#queer#trans#trans masc#transgender#long post#rant#neurodivergency#sorry if this doesn't make much sense#just annoyed about it#like. I want more piercings in my face because i think they fucking look cool#not because i feel the need to isolate myself from society even more than my otherness already does#i dont WANT to be a social outcast i just want to dress in a way that I LIKE
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Have you ever thought about doing Sherlock? A bit taboo i know, old fandom and such, but I feel like you’d be brilliant at it. Just a suggestion from having some nostalgia here, non the less hope your having a wonderful day.
TW: homophobia, racism, albeism (specifically against autistic people), transphobia, mention of jokes about rape
if you don't want to read this entire answer because the TWs are uncomfortable for you, then tldr no because the show contains bigotry and the main cast are gross/have said gross things. i don't want any arguments about the show, i don't think you're a bad person if you like the show, i just personally am very uncomfortable with it and with the lead actors so i will not make any fan content of it and would ask for no one to request this fandom again. i can not like the show and you can like it and we can get along these things can coexist.
all of this post is /nm , i am not angry at you anon, i am just explaining why i have the feelings i have about the show which you do not have to read if you do not want too, no hard feelings.
full answer under the cut, read at your own discretion:
i assume you mean bbc sherlock since you said taboo? and if so, the answer is no. and i don't think it's appropriate to call sexism and homophobic 'taboo' like it's a guilty pleasure. i'm not going to voice for a show that is at worst bigoted and at best a really bad adaption of sherlock holmes as a character.
this isn't meant as a mean attack towards you. when i watched the show when it came out i was a young teen and didn't see the bad in the show. and then when i was older and i got more familiar with the writers and uncomfortable with them i looked back on the show and realised how terrible it was. and look it's fine if you like it as an adaption of sherlock or like certain scenes of the cinematography or acting performances that's all fine. but.
but. hey maybe you're saying 'taboo' because you just think the show is cringe because of how the fandom acted or because of superwholock so sorry to burst anyone's bubble but this show and the people associated makes me so uncomfortable and angry so sorry you opened a can of worms.
irene adler's story is adapted terribly. in the books she's the only person to best sherlock. in the show? she doesn't. she loses. and then is a damsel in distress. oh and also is treat with such lesbophobia as the male writers have her be gay, literally say she's gay, but then falls in love with sherlock cos i guess she just hadn't met the right guy yet. that's such a gross narrative. and the queerbaiting. i know that word gets thrown around a lot. let me remind people of what it actually means. when a work of fiction purposely baits that characters will be queer while knowing they will never make the characters queer. so many people make comments within the show about john and sherlock being boyfriends, john being gay, etc, etc, while the writers knew they were never going to make them gay.
also the actor who plays has said disgusting things about autistic people, the actor who plays john has a consistent history of making racist and sexist jokes as well as joking about rape, and his ex wife who played his wife mary watson on the show is a terf. so. i mean she's claiming she's not a terf but she's following so many terf accounts and you don't do that by accident, said she supports 'legitimate trans people' which is a transphobic phrase as theres no such thing as an unlegitimate trans person, and doesn't think trans women are women. so. and the head writer, also has a history of sexist comments but when i searched to see if i was right they're mostly old so maybe he's grown up since then idk i don't follow him and don't want too.
anyway if someone is interest in a critique of sherlock in terms of how it works as an adaption hbomberguy has a video called 'sherlock is garbage and here's why'. it doesn't talk about the actors and what they've done or said, it's purely pulling the show's writing apart and how it adapts the characters and while the title sounds click baiting it's a really informative and well made video essay.
this is not meant to be me saying if you like sherlock you're a bad person, because i don't believe that. this is me sharing my stance on the show, as someone who as a teen was a big fan but then grew up and reflected and more stuff came out about the people involved. if you can still find things to enjoy about the show despite what i've said, go ahead. doesn't bother me. but don't ask me to make fan content for the show.
#ah the age old fear of wanting to tag the transphobia trigger warning so people who have that blacklisted wont see this post#and wont get triggered but also theres transphobes who target posts tagged with the transphobia trigger warning or there must be#because theres a pattern of me getting really terrible transphobic asks and threats every time i make a post using the trigger warning tag#the vampire vents#the vampire answers#tw transphobia#tw abelism#tw rape mention#tw racism
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well I just came to the gut wrenching discovery that the college one of my best friends of over six years goes to an actually super fucking conservative college and it may have actually gotten her to changed some views she had????
I’m going to really get into it here because I just need a place to vent because it’s 3:30 am and I’m not doing well and need to get this out
tldr for below the cut is I’m scared that my friend is now homophobic and/or transphobic because she recently converted to Catholicism and has not responded about visiting me since I mentioned that pride is that weekend
So this friend of mine, let’s just call her Jane, is someone I’ve been friends with since my sophomore year of high school, and we have remained friends to this day. She literally spent half her spring break at my apartment back in March.
We’ve been trying to see when we can meet up again because we both are never in our hometown at the same time anymore, so we were seeing if she could come to the city I’m in in July. I’ve literally given Jane an open invite of just call me and ask to visit because that’s how close we are and I’m always so happy to spend time with her
The thing is, something changed the last time she was here??? She literally told me she was converting to Catholicism, which to be fair I don’t know much about. But she got into it at her college and through her college friends so I was like ok what a bomb to drop over spring break but like I’m happy you were able to connect with your faith and spirituality
So like I said, Jane was supposed to come visit me in July, but due to some circumstances June works out better for her. So I was like yeah ofc come see me, June 8th - 12th works best. Also omg you can celebrate pride with me and my friends!!
(Jane has known that I’m queer for the past three years and it has never been an issue in any capacity. Jane had also met all my gay and trans friends here at university, and this has also never been an issue in any capacity. Jane has also once expressed that she doesn’t think she’s straight and often point out attractive men and women without prompting at all)
So Jane thumbs up my message of celebrating pride with me and my friends and then asks what day that is, and I let her know the events in my city are on the 10th. She’s then says awesome and that she needs to figure out travel accommodations and will update me
That convo took place on May 27th and she still hasn’t gotten back to me, even tho the plan would be she arrives in five days. The conversation kind of completely stopped after I mentioned pride and it’s kind of freaking me out
Cause I was talking with my best friend who is also friends with her, and how I want to give her the benefit of the doubt about the church she goes to and stuff and my friend (let’s just call her Kathy) was like yeah no it’s like pretty conservative. Kathy knows this because she has friends who are from the surrounding area of Jane’s school, and when they found out where Jane goes to college they were like oh that the really conservative college in the area
So I did literally a quick google search of [college name] controversy and I found out that jfc they literally do not discuss race, gender, or sexuality at her college and are super fucking catholic on top of that
So now I’m like I need to wait for her to get back to me (if she even does) and then call her and be like are you homophobic and/or transphobic now because if you are you cannot come visit because I fucking refuse to put the people around me at risk.
And on a personal level, she’s the only friend I had in high school that was on the same side of our fucked up friend group dynamics. Like I have known this girl for six years and she’s one of like three ppl from high school I still talk to and want to talk to.
I think I’m preparing myself for the worst case here, I hope she’s just busy.
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