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the-lone-witch-and-secret-room · 3 years

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Camila Noceda and Flawed Parenting

A perspective by a flawed person with loving but extremely flawed parents

I’m genuinely baffled at some people’s hostile reaction towards Camila. Like… do any of you have flawless parents that always know the best solution instantly, make no mistakes and never get emotional?

My parents are great. They’re super supportive and I love them very, very much. Overall I think I got very lucky in the parents department.

But god, they are far from flawless. I still live at home, and despite all the good, there’s moments when I can’t take my dad anymore. He’s the kind of dad that stayed up until two am to help me with homework when I was in school, and he does so, so many things to make sure I’m happy. I know that. But despite all of this, I have told my mom in emotional moments before that I’m not sure if I can keep living with him, because for all his good sides, he has a couple of fatal flaws that sometimes make him unbearable.

My mom listens to me and is very open to being educated on certain topics, but she has her flaws, too. She hates when I fight with my dad, and gets so torn up about it that I’ve once apologized to my dad out of fear of her getting into a car crash otherwise. She’s very vocal about certain flaws of mine, and sometimes uses the things she does for me as leverage against me when she gets very emotional.

And both of my parents pay a lot more attention to my brother because he needs it more, because he’s more of a “problem child” while I “seem so capable” even when I’m not.

And guess what? I’m not a perfect child. I make mistakes sometimes, some of them pretty severe. Just like Luz, I’m the kind of person that struggles to communicate certain issues of mine to her parents. I’m stubborn, and when I get emotional, I say very hurtful things sometimes. So do they.

And this has nothing to do with my parents being horrible or abusive. They’re neither of those things.

The takeaway from this should not be that my entire family is made up of terrible people, but that we’re all flawed in our own ways, despite loving each other and trying our best. There’s things about my parents I wish I could change, and there are things about me that my parents wish they could change. And to an extent, that’s perfectly normal.

In our strengths and flaws and frustration with each other, we’re all human.

Specific, spoiler-y Camila and Luz things under the cut since this got very long.

We have no indication that Camila has a pattern of emotionally manipulating Luz. Her “emotional manipulation” as I’ve seen some people put it, is people for some reason thinking that the second you become an adult, you’re suddenly perfect and can no longer make mistakes, lest you’ll be dubbed horrible and abusive.

The whole concept is absurd to me. There is no perfect way to parent. There simply isn’t. Of course, there’s some genuinely abusive patterns that are horrible and inexcusable. But out of the parenting styles that aren’t, which one works depends on a number of factors, one of which absolutely includes that every child is different and has different needs. Camila is an amazing parent for Vee, giving the kid everything she’s ever longed for. She’s not an ideal parent for Luz. And that’s because Luz and Vee have fundamentally different needs.

Likewise, Luz is a pretty great child for Eda, but not a perfect fit for Camila. Luz relates to Eda a lot more than she relates to her mom, and that’s why the two of them have an easier time understanding each other. Both of these mother-child relationships exist, and one is not more doomed to fail than the other, but I think you’ll agree that the better you understand someone and where they’re coming from, the easier it is to communicate, pick up on certain signs, etc.

As mom and daughter, Camila and Luz are both flawed and have issues seeing the other’s perspective because of how different they are. And we should simultaneously acknowledge both of their roles in the issue and give both of them the space to learn and grow past those issues.

Luz struggles to communicate her problems. She doesn’t want to burden people in the demon realm, and it’s a given that this started out as not wanting to burden her mom. So she keeps quiet about her issues. Camila tries hard but can’t read her daughter’s mind, so there’s only so much she can do to understand and help the way Luz needs her to. Hell, Eda, who Luz is a lot more open with than her mom, struggles to help her, because Luz doesn’t tell her what’s wrong. I don’t see anyone calling Eda a terrible mom for that.

Camila tries her best, but she struggles to understand her daughter because of this, and because of how fundamentally different they are. She loves Luz’s creativity, we actively see her supporting it in the new episode—she keeps the weird stuff Luz made because she thinks Luz will regret throwing it away, and even plays along in what she assumes to be some elaborate role play because “she’s glad Luz kept her creativity even though it’s not made things easy for her at school”. But at the beginning of the show, said creativity got out of hand and people got hurt. Luz could’ve gotten hurt. So of course Camila had to interfere. I love Luz dearly, but she thought it was okay to bring snakes to school and set off fireworks inside a school building. Creativity is great. Doing reckless stuff that causes people to get hurt is not.

In sending Luz to camp, Camila tried to have someone else fix her issue because she didn’t know how to help Luz. That was a mistake, and a bad one at that, but she’s realizing that. She looks disheartened when Vee tries to throw out Luz’s stuff, because she never meant to change her daughter or take that part of her away. She just thought Luz needed a reality check—which, for the record, is something the narrative actually agrees with.

Luz spends her time in the demon realm getting reality check after reality check, realizing that even her ideal fantasy world where she has everything she always wanted doesn’t mean she’s free of consequences. She goes overboard constantly, causing:

-Eda to be forced to fly into a trap because Luz is chasing a fantasy (Witches before Wizards)

-Eda to almost be branded by her sister because Luz doesn’t think through why Eda doesn’t use magic to publicly announce her presence constantly (Once Upon a Swap)

-Eda and the twins to get kidnapped by a Slitherbeast because Luz stole Amity’s wand (Adventures in the Elements)

-Her friends to get hurt when she goes overboard trying to help Willow (Wing it like Witches)

-Eda to be captured and almost petrified because Luz thought she could just steal from the Emperor with no consequences in an attempt to help (Agony of a Witch)

I’m like 90% sure these aren’t even all. None of those make her a terrible person, for the record, but as all humans are, she is flawed and makes bad choices. She learns from these experiences and matures, just like her mom had hoped she would at camp. She’s also made friends there, which was another thing Camila wanted for her daughter.

You’ll probably realize that a lot of Luz’s behaviors I mentioned follow one of two patterns: 1. Luz’s idealized fantasy world causing problems, when she walks around with rose tinted glasses and gets people in trouble in the process because she hasn’t thought about the consequences, and 2. Luz trying to help someone she loves, but instead making things worse in the progress. The issue with this one is often that she doesn’t communicate her ideas/listen to the people she’s trying to help—like when Willow and Gus said they’ve had enough of Grudgby, or how she never actually talks to Eda about the healing hat idea before doing something reckless.

…does the latter one sound familiar to you at all? No? Because it’s the exact same thing that Camila did.

Some of the things Luz does are reckless and actively endanger others and herself, and that’s something that I think we need to acknowledge before judging Camila. As Luz’s mom, it’s Camila’s job to interfere in those situations. That she made a mistake while trying to protect Luz doesn’t make her a terrible person, especially as, again, the narrative proves her right to an extent.

I’m not saying her making Luz promise to come back and stay isn’t something that hurt Luz—it absolutely is. But it was born out of desperation. She’s emotional and in shock. She’s so full of pain and regret. She just wants her fourteen year old daughter home safe, and there’s nothing abusive or even morally ambiguous about that.

From Luz’s perspective, what she says is absolutely heartbreaking, but from Camila’s, it’s perfectly reasonable. I doubt Camila has the full picture, but even if she does, she’s had a full fifteen seconds to process that her daughter has not only been lying to her for months, but chose to leave her, and is in the demon realm of all places. Of course she’d be emotional and upset about that! Who wouldn’t? Camila isn’t a robot. If she’d been calm about this I’d be way more concerned, honestly.

My parents don’t get mad that easily, but if I would lie to them for weeks on end, they’d be pissed off too, not even taking the running away from home part into account. That’s a normal thing. People don’t like being lied to. Camila is absolutely devastated in that moment because she’s scared that Luz left because she hates her, when Luz actively states that her leaving wasn’t about her mom—which is another thing we should really be acknowledging.

Abusive parents suck and abuse should obviously never be apologized or trivialized, but saying something hurtful in the heat of the moment isn’t the same thing as being an abusive parent. My parents have done this. I’ve done this. And yes, those things can be emotionally manipulative, but there’s a huge difference in whether that’s a habit or a person speaking out of hurt and desperation in a very specific context. I doubt there’s anyone on the entire planet that hasn’t had a bad moment where they’ve said something like this because they were hurting. People lash out when they hurt, and they beg for reassurance when they’re scared. That’s something we all do.

The whole mindset of “all parents have to be perfect and can never get upset or make any mistakes” is harmful as hell, and honestly also very unrealistic. No parent is perfect, and especially people like me who have a relationship with their parents that’s very good overall should know that.

Once you have a child, parenting is a non-stop learning process, every day for the rest of your life. Taking away that room to grow and expecting perfection isn’t helping anyone, especially not struggling single parents.

And I see Camila as someone who is very willing to learn, because at the end of the day, all she wants is for Luz to be happy. Let’s give her some time to wrap her head around this whole situation. Let’s see what she says once she sees for herself how happy Luz is in that world, may it be via the videos eventually coming through or Camila visiting and meeting Luz’s found family, her friends and her girlfriend.

Ultimately, I don’t think Camila will force Luz to stay at home, but we have to give her some time. She wants what’s best for Luz, and she’s gonna need some convincing that a dangerous magical world is what’s best. I feel like that’s very normal considering the circumstances.

Her and Luz need to work on their communication on both ends, they both have things to learn, but I’m certain they’ll manage to fix their relationship in the long run.

If the bunk bed is any indication, I think Vee is gonna stay in the human realm permanently while Luz sleeps at home but keeps attending Hexside in the daytime. That feels like a solution that keeps everyone happy, and allows Luz to spend time with all the people she loves. I can’t see her being forced to choose at the end.

As a closing statement: Eda isn’t an ideal mom, Amity isn’t an ideal friend or girlfriend and neither is Luz, Lilith isn’t an ideal sister… but that’s because no one is ever an ideal anything. Being flawed is a big part of being human. Everyone has different facets to their personality. Their flaws are what makes them such great, relatable, believable characters.

And I feel the same way about Camila. She’s an extremely believable character that reminds me of my own parents, flawed but very loving nonetheless.

(Also honestly, I think it’s pretty telling that some of you guys immediately bash the black single mom that’s obviously trying her hardest while giving the benefit of the doubt to Alador, who has been portrayed as neglecting and threatened his six year old daughter on screen. This was already a thing before we knew much about either of them, and I’m disappointed but unfortunately not very surprised that it still is.)

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catharsis-in-a-bottle · 3 years

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My thoughts on Chernobyl (2019 HBO series)

I watched the entirety of Chernobyl, and I want to make a disorderly list about it. Okay, here goes:

First of all, holy shit. Holy fucking shit. This is easily the best thing I have ever watched, ever. I will give my reasoning below, I just want to get that out of the way: holy. fucking. shit. I have so many feelings.

Okay, okay. *Deep breath* Let's start off with the actual real-life event itself. Of course I'd heard of the Chernobyl disaster beforehand, but I had never learned about it beyond vague internet articles that I read years ago. This show knocked me away with the horror that holy shit, that actually happened, and it also re-strengthened my already skyrocketing fear of radiation / nuclear disaster / the works. Now I am obsessed with learning more, even with all that I've learned from the show itself.

Next: the acting. The goddamned ACTING!!!!!! There was ZERO cheesiness, and I felt every SECOND of terror and grief and the split-second, occasional relief that characters like Legasov got to feel. To put it simply, the acting felt real and authentic.

And as a side note, I liked that they didn't try to fake Russian accents. They didn't need to, and I am glad they did not, as that definitely would have made it feel cheesy with the use of non-Russian actors for the leads.

Valery Legasov. I want to learn more about Valery Legasov. I feel so sad for Valery Legasov, because he died without witnessing the reform of the RBMK reactors; he died thinking he was alone, discredited, and essentially wiped from existence. I am so profoundly glad that his story got recognized via his audio recordings, and eventually more so by this show. Jared Harris as an actor just blew this out of the fucking ballpark. I especially loved his nonverbal gestures - the constant head-in-the-hands, all the signals of deep stress, and the occasional smiles that signified a small amount of relief.

Because fuck, who would not be terrified out of their goddamned minds at the splitting open of a nuclear reactor? What scared me along with that was the initial denial - "Oh, the reactor isn't open. That's impossible." The signs were there, but so many surrounding people simply denied that it had occurred, until they actually saw what was happening. Even then, the explosion was inexplicable until the knowledge of the graphite-tipped control rods came to light.

Valery and Boris as a duo were fantastic, because truly, they could not have accomplished what they did without the other - Valery worked out the science behind possible solutions to the problem, and Boris used his political authority to actually work through those solutions and get the resources required to work through them.

Ulana and Boris watching Valery on that podium in episode 5, giving that testimony, essentially consigning himself to death - that hit me right in the gut. And even though Valery did not get shot by the KGB, they still ended his life, didn't they? From his perspective, he was no longer an influential scientist; by speaking up, he reduced himself to a nobody.

The fucking.... blue beam in the sky above the reactor??? The radiation ionizing the air????? This entire series is literally more nerve-wracking than any horror movie

Alright, now for the paragraph I've been waiting for: the MUSIC. Oh my fucking god, the music. How can I even describe it? All those wobbly bass notes that sound like a ship rending apart in the ocean... just... they did it right. They did it correctly. What I really loved was that at some points, I couldn't tell what was the music and what was the noise of the action occurring in the show. For instance, in the last episode, there was a sort of humming-buzzing noise in the flashbacks to the control room before the explosion, and I couldn't tell if that was the machinery or the music, or perhaps a blend of both. I looked on Spotify, and my favorite track is definitely the one titled 'Evacuation' - I think it plays in a couple of episodes, perhaps the end of the first / second? And the chord progression at the end there with those bass notes just fucking slamming in. Holy shit. Oh AND the choral composition at the very end of the last episode!!!!!! My brain's reaction to that was literally just exclamation points. !!!!!!!!!! Creepy singing chord progressions!!!!!!

The dogs in episode four - do I really have to explain the feelings of disgust and horror that just slithered within me the entire time

Really, the two scariest things were this: the disaster + radiation itself, and the inability to contradict the state or show any sign of weakness within Soviet Russia. Those were the two main antagonists presented, and though the first one more directly scared the shit out of me, the latter definitely contributed to an overall chill.

I could definitely talk more, but I choose to end here. I just. Holy shit. (I have said that a lot now). I'll say it again. Holy shit. I'm just going to stop talking and write the goddamn tags

#chernobyl #chernobyl hbo #hbo chernobyl #hbo #thoughts #brain dump #review #i suppose #valery legasov #boris shcherbina #ulana khomyuk

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pepsicup · 3 years

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Problems Of A Spaceman

Chris Beck x Stripper!Reader 6.4k words

Summary: Chris attempts to gain some confidence back after his fiancée leaves him, though, the journey is different than he thought it would be... (smut, mentions of cheating, self-deprecation, exotic dancing, space kink because duh, dope fucking music choice if I do say so myself)

Author note: yes I did write this four years ago, this is an updated version since I recently found it after deleting my other blog, enjoy.

2037

It shouldn’t even be a thing. Chris didn’t get nervous, this was something new for him. After thirteen years of education, five standard spacewalks and a back-to-back trip to the newly colonized neighbouring red planet, nothing should phase him anymore – but that was space. There were things significantly more nerve-wracking than his current situation; perhaps he was better at being an astronaut than fulfilling his social and romantic life.

While taking all the prerequisites required for NASA and in medical school, he didn’t have time for fraternizing with anyone, most people in the medical field experience that. It was a miracle that he could even keep the attention of his ex-fiancée during the mission to Mars since he didn’t exactly know how to flirt. No matter how intelligent he was, all of that did nothing to help him in his personal life and everything that came with it.

Furthermore, the sexual aspect was a problem for him, too.

He’s never had an opportunity to explore himself with another person, of course, he’s had plenty of sex but, it was nothing more than the standard modus operandi. Beth was hard to navigate, she was disengaged and blatantly selfish, eventually blaming him for her unfaithful tendencies and lack of interest when he was the only one making an effort. It ended as it began, a complete circumstantial shitshow and because of that, he is on a mission to gain self-confidence back.

Since she kicked him out, he’s been sleeping in the spare room of his good friends’ house for the last couple of months while his new apartment is being renovated. Mark Watney was a single man who knew what that position felt like, and who also knew the beginnings of a solution. The ability to pay women for their undivided attention did wonders for a man’s ego, especially at an exclusive gentlemen’s club rather than a regular strip joint. It is more of a candid transaction that was valued at both ends.

And it is very exclusive. It required a reservation to save a slot since it was so well-known and a general, but hefty, fee at the door as insurance.

He made it sound like the easiest thing in the world, but on the other hand, Chris was so fucking anxious to go that he could vividly feel his blood pumping in overdrive. He’s never, ever attended a place like that before. But as he looked up at the classy, luminescent sign of the building that lit up the dark parking lot, he started to wonder what exactly he’s getting himself into. Just as long as he isn’t awkward, maybe everything will be okay.

Don’t be weird, don’t fuck it up. Simple.

He repeated those words in his head as he was looked over by the heavy before being let in and did everything the lady at the front desk told him to. After that, it was time to be escorted through the big fancy door.

The initial shock passed through him quickly, the smell of perfume, cigars and liquor weren’t as bad as he thought it was going to be. But once he rounded the corner into the main lounge the nerves were back. The wild colours in the dusky lighting gave the atmosphere an alluring feel as he bared witness to scarcely clothed women dancing on stage, at tables with other men and walking around the floor.

He adjusted his ball cap to sit lower on his face and scanned the room for a free seat, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed and needing to sit down before he either collapsed or backed out entirely. Chris Beck was not good at this.

Could he perform surgery after surgery for 16 hours straight? Yes.

Can he proudly say that he is an award-winning astronaut that helped shape the future of space science? Fuck yeah, he can.

Can he say that he can bed anyone he wants and walk around like he owns the place? No, no he cannot.

The spaceman sat in a vacant booth near the left side of the stage, tucked away in a dark corner to observe as he planned. Yeah, he was good at observing. Watney reassured him before he left, stating that he did specialize in human anatomy and he should do what he does best...observe, evaluate and execute, which helped a bit. A doctor’s point of view was his only saving grace right now, he’d stick to that comfortable method for as long as he can.

Observe.

He found himself zoning in on different interactions that played out as time ticked by. Many lovely women took their turn on stage, very healthy and some men had been taken behind curtains and even thrown out for inappropriate behaviour. He made of a note of that in the back of his mind if there ever came a time. No touching.

He didn’t know how much time had passed since he arrived. There were a few nice girls who came over to talk to him, but he declined any offers they threw his way respectfully and chose to remain where he was instead. Although, just when he thought about turning in for the night, the lights suddenly dimmed until it was almost pitch-black. So dark that he couldn’t even see his hand.

The emcee bordered more background music that rattled his chest through the speakers above the circle booth, it increased slowly and he assumed it was building up to another track. The crowd of regulars and new attendees alike cheered loudly at the change of pace, Chris perked up and clapped along with them even though he had no clue as to what.

“Ladies, gentlemen and every-damn-one in between, we have a special treat for you tonight.” the man announced heartily.

He continued as the music came to a peak, then dissipated as he spoke the moniker of the next dancer, “Your house favourite has decided to give you a dance that I think is out of this world...please welcome to the stage, Ares”

The patrons went wild as Chris, on the other hand, went rigid – almost choking on his drink.

As the projected images of deep space filled the room in a flash, a dancer was now on stage walking around in something simple, yet sexy. No one could get enough of her or the choreography, staying for her performances that always seemed to have a different aesthetical essence every time she made an appearance.

The modest man couldn’t stop looking at her, she was the main focus of the room – but for him, the significance was completely different from the others. What were the chances that one of his biggest passions in life could be used as an exotic dance theme, materialized right in front of his eyes?

But when the music started...that’s when things even more interesting.

The song wasn’t one he anticipated, he assumed it would be the same club music that made his eardrums shudder, but this slow beat only made his senses buzz, and not just from the vibrations. He enjoyed the older music his commander played after years of listening to it. So, when he detected the beginning of this underrated 1972 classic by Harry Nilsson, this stripper had his full attention.

Bang, bang, shoot em’ up, destiny Bang, bang, shoot em’ up to the moon Bang, bang, shoot em’ up one, two, three (One, two, three, four)

The woman circled the pole as the song started to wind up, making little gestures to the regulars and letting the music guide her. She hit every deep strum of the guitar by waving her hips from side to side delicately, still holding on to the shiny metal planted at her side.

As the artist started to sing the corresponding words, she spun around the pole. The lights caught the small crystals on her one-piece and somehow, scattered like the night sky on her bare skin. Her hips moved sinfully as her body followed the fluid movements like Saturn’s rings, circulating with the natural orbit of the planet. Or pole in this case.

I wanted to be a spaceman That’s what I wanted to be But now that I am a spaceman Nobody cares about me

Next, with every distinct beat, she put her back to the pole, slid down and arose in one fell swoop. She twirled once, flipping her hair behind her head and rolling her lower body ‘round and around and around and around as the words called out above the hollering. The attention was now drawn to her lower body.

Highlighting her assets as dancers called it.

Hey Mother Earth, won’t ‘cha bring me back down Safely to the sea But ‘round and around and around and around Is all she ever say to me

She melted down on all fours to crawl across the platform, doing the next progressions effortlessly. She laid on her back, arching her body like a tidal wave entranced by the moon, rolling onto her stomach, and using her knees to sweep her torso across the floor until she was up in a kneeling position again.

The way she created a giant slip from her ass to her shoulders gave the perfect view of her behind to the men and women on the left side of the stage, money cascading across her body. It was quick yet elegant.

I wanted to make a good run I wanted to go to the moon I knew that it had to be fun I told ‘em to send me real soon I wanted to be a spaceman That’s what I wanted to be But now that I am a spaceman Nobody cares about me

She repeated similar moves to the first chorus but on her knees this time, feeling up her own body, wiggling her assets playfully at whoever she wanted – connecting with the audience. Chris was captivated by the way she carried her body like that, the slightly distorted music gave a sexy edge to her routine that caused his cock to throb in his jeans.

In his big doctor brain, he was trying to figure out how someone could be so graceful. Even if he felt ashamed of viewing her so strenuously, he justified it by observing her anatomy like the surgeon he was.

She didn’t wear high heels, opting to be barefoot, and the only extravagant makeup she wore was something that made her body sparkle. Her simple lingerie wasn’t something that stole the show, she just came as herself. The differences help him tell a lot about who she was, the little details sending signals to his genius mind.

Hey Mother Earth, won’t 'cha bring me back down Safely to the sea Around and around and around and around Is just a lot of lunacy (yeah, yeah)

The break in the lyrics gave a sense of anticipation, the echo prepared everyone for the next verse as the song swerved in and out of a muffled tone. Then, she was watching him.

Chris abruptly looked away as the mood changed, his breath hitching as he erratically glanced around before settling on her again. She appeared to be showing off for him now with a smile on her lips. He swallowed thickly as his mouth began to water and dry out at the same time, exchanging aggressive eye contact with the woman that had his undivided attention.

The music got lost in the background noise as they disappeared into their own world, his heart pulsed in his ear and his breath shallowed as everything around them was lost. It was like the earth had stopped spinning, the gravity giving out so the spaceman could feel weightless. There were faint pictures of the cosmos floating across his flushed skin, revealing his lip clamped between his impressively white teeth.

'Round and around and around and around and around (So bring me back down) 'Round and around and around and around and around Safe on the ground

He wasn’t trying to be sensual, Chris chewed his bottom lip when he was either content, uneasy or nervous. And nervous he was. Those eyes said innocence but the rest of him screamed sex fiend who could pound her into another universe if provoked, it definitely piqued her interest.

She never had the pleasure of seeing a person in tune with her like that before, it was refreshing. He looked like he was genuinely enjoying the way her body made him react but on a more personal level, something difficult to accomplish from 15 feet away.

Hey Mother Earth, better bring me back down Safely to the sea But around and around and around and around Is all she ever say to me, yeah

She had to be the one to break the intense eyefuck that was taking place, on both ends, in the middle of her set. Chris sensed the music drift back in, the planet rotating once more and coming back to himself after his mind floated away into endless space amongst many stars filling the void. As the song came to a close, she followed the rest of her routine with similar moves, collecting herself after a mere moment.

Everything was simply...simple.

But there was still so much of the unknown that came with the woman she was, remaining understated in this line of work and feeding a lot of emotion into her life passion. He could feel it.

That is the exact reason why she was a house favourite.

You know, I wanted to be a spaceman That’s what I wanted to be But now that I am a spaceman Nobody cares about me Say hey, you Mother Earth, you better bring me back down I’ve taken just as much as I can But around and around and around and around Is the problem of a spaceman

Evaluate.

That spaceman had a problem alright.

She just took him on a fucking cosmic ride that will be burned into his mind for the foreseeable future. His pants were now painfully tight, pressing his cock close to his body so that every time he moved his tip would be stimulated by his silky briefs. He was being forced to evaluate his current predicament.

He thought about the next step as the projections faded from the room and her along with them, completely vanished by the time the lights dimmed down and back up again.

Chris originally wanted to stay for a while longer to watch some more, not pushing himself to do more than he was prepared for; progress takes time and it depends on the person. He evaluated the options in front of him, either pursue the course that led him to the woman who just blew his mind or, stick with what he had been doing for the past five months – fucking his hand while he rested alone in his bed.

Eventually, after he gave into the disconcerted feeling picking him apart, he went with the familiar option and kept his head down in disappointment at his lack of confidence, sliding out of the booth. He just wanted to go home at this point, maybe he would try again another day. He nearly reached the exit when a security guard abruptly stopped him from leaving, he thought he did something wrong at first but as it turns out, that was far from what was the case.

“No, you didn’t do anything—you’re being requested by a dancer” the large man chuckled.

Chris looked up at the man that towered over him, questioning the authenticity of the claim. He clapped him on the shoulder.

“If I were you, man...I would take the dance. She rarely takes requests but offering...one in a million”

The security guard walked him into the back where the exclusive rooms were and into one with a large circular seat, gentle lighting and parlour cabinet full of assorted items. It wasn’t a suffocating space, but he felt like he was running out of oxygen

“Enjoy the show, man” with that final word, he left Chris alone in the room.

Once the door clicked, he rushed to rub his sweaty palms on his dark jeans and took a shaky breath as he sat down, pulling on the neckband of his sweater. In the meantime, he worked on not being so high strung, the door being behind him didn’t help as he waited for her to come. While the anticipation slowly drove him nuts, he ran the three steps Watney reminded him of in his cloudy mind.

Observe, evaluate and...execute.

Execute.

He was startled at the hands sneaking around his shoulders and lightly down his chest, making him jump in a bit in the big velvet chair. He was too deep in his thoughts to hear the door open behind him or her walking in on his stiff back facing her. Chris heard her soft chuckle behind him and felt the warm air caress his sensitive neck.

“Easy loverboy” Ares cooed in a low voice.

If it wasn’t before, his heart was racing at lightspeed now. She had such a strong effect on him.

“...you’re very tense. Did you know that?” she whispered behind his ear.

He shivered at the feeling and slowly nodded, not trusting his stupid mouth to not say something awkward.

She chuckled again, “You have the prettiest blue eyes...even from a distance”

The woman walked around his seated boy, keeping her hands on him but moving them with her until she was faced with the mystery man from the darkest corner in the lounge. He wasn’t looking at her, but around her, and trying to find somewhere to rest his relentless gaze. It was all in vain though, she trailed her finger along his jaw and under his chin, forcing his eyes to hers.

“Hmm, there they are—better up close” she bit her lip softly.

He looks so timid, with his big beady eyes and those perfectly pouted lips working in the evilest ways. Chris blushed at the compliment, feeling better about himself already.

Watney might actually be right about this whole excursion after all.

“I—uh, thank you” he murmured.

Chris cursed himself for already stuttering like a dumbass.

In his defence, she was touching him ever-so-gently and how can he not trip up his words with her looking like a holy goddess. Ironic, given the circumstance. And now, he couldn’t look away.

Especially since her hands travelled upwards to pull his NASA ball cap off, then leaning forward while maintaining that close proximity as she unzipped his sweater, helping him pull it off.

“We don’t need those” Ares whispered, tossing the garments on the floor.

But there was always some teasing before the actual contact.

As she put distance between their bodies, he was resting almost slack in the chair – legs parted, arms limp at his side and in his lap as soft music began to play. The apple of throat bobbed in his tight throat as she began moving slowly in front of him, full of grace and precision. She was like a supernova, its effortlessly soft edges melting into the black of space as her skin did with her bodysuit. The fact that he was the only one seeing it made the experience that much sweeter, all those feelings coming back from earlier.

He was also able to recognize that she was wearing subtle glitter and rhinestones that temporarily fused to her skin, causing the shine and sparkle of her body on stage.

Once she gave him time to get comfortable, she spread his legs apart and hovered her back over his chest, grinding her ass into his lap. The shampoo and light perfume made his sex twitch as he inhaled it in, trying his best not to give in and touch. He kept his hands on the edges of the chair, his fingers digging into it painfully – he remembered what happened to the other guys, how they got thrown out. Chris just wants to watch, that’s good enough for him.

No touching.

Ares leaned forward slightly, arching her back and hitting his private areas in all the right places, gradually making him break out into a small sweat. The woman rubbed her ass on his lap expertly and before he knew it, she pressed herself against him to lay her head on his shoulder.

“I hope you know, the way you looked at me...you really know how to get a girl hot and bothered.”

Of course, he blushed again. His face was burning like the sun at this point.

“I...I was just enjoying it—you are very talented” Chris laughed nervously.

He turned his face slightly, absentmindedly following the heat of her skin until he was fanning her neck, so close...but never touching. He was so, sooo close, but felt so far.

She stood up without warning and slowly turned around, pushing him back into the back of the chair more and watching as he widened eyes dilated further at her forwardness. He’d clearly never had a lap dance so he probably didn’t know about what happened during one. She set her legs on either side of his thighs, effectively straddling him to get on with the real deal. She smoothed her arms around his neck and left them to hang lazily off the back of the chair, never breaking eye contact the entire time.

“That’s very sweet, I can feel how excited you are...”

As she began to move, their heads fell back simultaneously from the direct friction. Ares righted her head after a second and pressed into his personal space, their noses touching every time she moved up his lower body and back down again. She circled her hips a couple of times and breathed out a sigh, it was nice not giving lap dances to the clingy regulars and giving a man like this her talented movements and motions instead. It was different this time around, the atmosphere was weirdly intimate – he just gave off that energy.

“Very excited...” Ares added.

Chris shuttered as she rested her entire body weight on his clothed erection at the sentence, now realizing how difficult it was not to touch. Though she picked up on his hesitation and demeanour instantaneously. She stroked all over his arms, chest and stomach for the first time, feeling how cut the guy really was, there were endless muscles. Very practical.

He gave her a shy smile, “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way—to, uh...to have my body behave this way, I mean”

“Ah, I’m turning you on?...” she asked, leaning in.

Chris didn’t know what to say to that, he’s never been good in these situations and more often than not resorted to the only thing he knows everything about. He’s starting to lose his cool and what happens when he loses his cool?

Well, he is not very smooth.

“I, um...it’s the body sending signals the corresponding part of the brain...neurons fire commands and simulate the, uh...ohh,” a moan cut off his rambling.

He could feel himself getting closer to his release, something he didn’t want but also desperately wanted at the same time. He was already on edge when he was in the booth, his brain constantly stimulating his sex to the point where his boner couldn’t go away. The way it was being dragged across his pants made him groan even more.

She giggled, “Has anyone told you that you’re a dork when you’re nervous?”

Chris shook his head, closing his eyes to try and fight off his orgasm until the lap dance was over. He had to swallow most of the breaths that became more and more erratic with every sway of her hips.

The way his skin flushed a dark pink and his breathing picked up confirmed she was doing a good job, but the only thing that threw Ares off was the fact that he was shaking violently, a straining vein on his neck making an impression in his flesh. She was unknowingly pumping his shaft along with his jeans, practically coaxing his seed to just burst out of him.

Chris felt his balls go stiff, cock pulse and tighten right before he lost control. The thing that pushed him to his limit was his balls compressing between his legs when she quickly swivelled her hips. He gripped the arms of the chair and thrust his hips upward, letting out a long mewl and finally giving up on holding back as pleasure took over his ability to think properly. Ares stopped moving while he continued riding out his orgasm that felt too goddamn good, cum seeping out of his boxers and down his thigh.

Once he found a way to maneuver himself back to Earth, he went completely limp in the chair as if he just ran a triathlon when the reality of what just happened hit him. That just happened, he hasn’t cum in his pants since his first year of university, and didn’t have a clue of what to do about it.

Why didn’t he just stay home? He could have avoided this if he just isolated himself in his room like he usually did.

“Huh...that’s never happened to me before,” she said in a tone he couldn’t quite decipher.

He glanced away after opening his eyes, still in a daze, “I...um”

For a moment he thought he made her uncomfortable and was getting ready to apologize, possibly leave if she wanted him to. But instead, he tilted his head as the embarrassment on his face was replaced by confusion at her smirk and gentle eyes. She dragged her ass across him once, making him hiss at the sensitivity of his half-hard cock still dripping with arousal.

Usually, she didn’t allow excessive touching and avoided any kind of sexual encounters at work, it wasn’t her thing – but there was something about this one that told her he should be pleased. To be honest, he wasn’t some run-of-the-mill scumbag or pompous prick like the usual attendees are, she’s starting to see he’s a plain, genuine guy. That’s why it took him by surprise when she leaned down and pressed a long kiss on the crease of his throat, sucking on it periodically.

“...I thought there was no, mhmm, touching” Chris stammered.

Ares held on to the baby hairs at the back of his neck, then ran his soft hair through her fingers as she kissed her way across his face. Their lips brush together as she spoke.

“Shhhh, let me take care of you...and this” she moved on him again, a mischievous gleam in her eye.

Chris whimpered out a noise of surprise when she finally connected both their lips together, she sucked his bottom one between hers and nipped at it tenderly. She grabbed his hands, placing them on her to encourage him to feel her, to touch her body. He was hesitant with his movements, still diffident even when she slithered her tongue into his soft mouth, twirling and caressing his.

When they disconnected he panted heavily in the shared space, she hummed at his expression, desire. After she climbed off his lap and kneeled in front of him as her hands began to unbuckle his belt and tug at his zipper.

“Okay, this is happening? Right now?...oh” Chris breathed out.

Everything was happening so fast, he didn’t have time to think about the repercussions of his irresponsible, but tempting actions. His voice of reason was screaming its concern and he couldn’t help but listen to it as he sat there, immobilized while she worked his pants, then cum-soaked briefs down his legs.

“You really don’t have t—” he groaned throatily as she pumped his shaft.

It was always the dorky guys who have the nicest and fullest cocks she had ever seen without fail – he was no different in that department, a decent length, thickness and fit for her. Ares stroked him until he was fully solid again, admiring the way he turned his hips up at the feeling of her hand around him – at least, if they stopped now, he’d have a good visual to fuel his lewd imagination late at night.

She quirked a wholesome smile, “We need to clean you up before things get too heated”

Chris would have mentally retracted the concept of using her as ammunition for his masturbation thoughts, but he was too busy with his eyes rolling back at the most damning sight in the universe. She began to lick the cum from where it was on his body, on his cock, all over his thigh and what remained on her fingers; swallowing everything before working him over with her mouth.

“Jesus Christ...” he growled, reeling in an abrupt lust. He held the back of her head as she sucked him off, “it’ll be over very soon if you don’t get up here”

Even taken aback by his tone, she grinned and gestured at him stand up along with her, encouraging him to pull the bodysuit straps down. Chris kissed along her collarbone faintly, tugging the lingerie down to expose her breasts and gleaming heat to his eyes. He kissed her neck as best he could, not knowing if he was making her feel good in the least but still giving it his best shot.

“God, you are beautiful...”

Luckily, she moaned at his rumbling words on her skin, relaxing him a little bit.

This was crunch time, they need to do it now. Ares rushed to pull his white t-shirt off, appreciating his abs, pecs and biceps as she pushed him back down on the chair forcefully – he looked like a complete stud but had the sweetest personality ever. She giggled as he squirmed out of his pants and kicked off his shoes so he could be fully naked like her, climbing on him again as he did so.

Chris didn’t want anything binding him while this happened.

“Do you have a condom?” she mumbled against his lips, kissing him again.

He made an affirming noise, gesturing for her to pick up his pants where his wallet held one in a hidden pocket. He quickly fumbled the leather out and tossed it with his pants to the ground, barely getting the condom out before she snatched it and rolled it down the length of him. She propped herself on her knees, coating him in her growing wetness as she prepared to take him.

But, he hesitated and held her just above him.

“Are you...are you sure you want to do this—with me?” Chris asked, his eyes held a sadness that she never wanted to see from him again.

Of course, she wanted to...now more than ever.

To reassure him, she cupped his cheek with her free hand and pressed their foreheads together. The woman revelled in the way his mouth dropped open, eyes becoming hooded and a gasp hitching in the back of his throat as she sunk onto him. Looking deep into his eyes and watching the sadness dissipate into satisfaction. He grasped her waist with one arm as she began to ride him at a steady pace, his cock stretching her.

Chris groaned loudly, choking on his moans every so often when she caressed the right spot. The speed increased as he began to enthusiastically meet her thrusts, causing them to both murmur muffled whines and whimpers into each other’s mouths. One hardy smack of his thighs to her ass pierced their ears when he gave a particularly harsh snap of his body, pulling her down as he kept up with his hard thrusts into her.

“Fuck, do that again...” she shivered as he fucked her so carefully, making her needier every second.

He had his brows furrowed in concentration, focusing on pleasuring her and tried to forget the doubts he had to live in that moment. This was more than spontaneous sex for him, he was making love to someone – feeling good for once. He has never fucked someone before but, if anything, he was giving her the most carnal, admiration-fueled sex he could.

She bounced faster as he, in turn, bucked into her harder. She was clenching, he was throbbing...it was too much.

“God, that’s it, just like that,” he grunted, continuing to manually move her slowing hips.

“Shit, you’re gonna make me cum...” she groaned, “...please tell me you’re close”

Chris nodded fervently, keeping his eyes locked on her for as long as he could. In the final stretch, as her clenching became more prevalent, he kept one arm around her as he trailed his hand down to her clit. Just when started to rub, his fingers caught the nerves underneath and made her cry out.

“Does that feel good for you? Is it okay?” he asked politely.

Ares sobbed her ‘yes’ in a pitchy tone.

He hugged her tightly against him as everything started to unwind, leaving his pelvis to stimulate her clit. The woman clenched hard around him as she lost her vision, the way her cunt gripped made him speed up his thrusts to continue moving. Her low whine near his ear did him in, his lower body ghosted on a final thrust as he stopped completely – his heaving was muffled by the clenching of his teeth, letting himself tremble in her arms as he filled the condom with his cum.

After a while of sitting there, Chris broke the silence, “I...I think my time is up”

She laughed at his witty remark, not realizing how much that boosted his mood and tugged at his heart, or how she just single-handedly repaired his self-worth. There was no way to process it, all he knew was he felt amazing, he felt...content.

Ares stood on weak legs, climbing off him and allowing him to dispose of the condom. Chris had a dopey smile on his face as he pulled his pants back on and did the fastenings quickly, she was already back in her bodysuit by that time. He appeared to be lost in deep thought as she handed him his shirt, smirking at him – his skin flushed a soft rose when he finally noticed.

She scoffed.

“Do I really make you nervous—after that?” she retrieved his sweater and cap off the floor where they were forgotten.

Chris laughed quietly before shifting back to his serious face, smiling somewhat. She wondered why he was there in the first place when he could have women lining up; well, if he wasn’t so humble that is.

He cleared his throat, “uh...thank you for that by the way. You didn’t have to do what you did...I just” then began rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“I’m not good at this stuff, one-time things and strippers—or, I mean exotic dancers, I didn’t mean for that to sound like th—”

To save him from himself, she curled her fingers around his shirt collar and pulled him in, kissing him thoughtfully. Chris cupped the back of her head right away and held her waist as she encompassed the modest stranger with her warmth. He chased her mouth after she broke away from his pursed lips, brows furrowing at his want to keep kissing her.

“You talk a lot, it’s sweet” she giggled at his actions.

Following that encounter, he felt like a new man. She let him make love to her, or fuck her, whichever it was. He couldn’t get over that woman, she felt authentic in his arms, unlike Beth who felt out of place and made him realize his ex was never meant for him at all.

Chris was walking away, leftover clothes in hand and messy sex hair weathered by her hands, but before he could slip behind the curtain leading back to the lounge, she called out to him. When he turned to face her, she was in a robe and leaning laxly against the wall, just as dishevelled as he was.

“For the record, I’m not good at this—” she gestured between them, “—either”

He drove home with a smile on his face and satisfaction coursing through him.

Although, he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling of having a mere fling. Not even knowing anything about her while doing something so intimate, something personal to him. He wished he would have asked her real name or her number, so he could thank her properly or even, possibly ask her out.

He had a feeling about her, the attraction was undeniable now.

Perhaps it was a god working some sort of miracle or the planet’s alignment giving him mystical energy, maybe something as simple as luck. But, as he started to get ready for bed that night, a piece of paper fell out of his jeans as he stripped to have a shower.

Curiously, he picked it up and looked it over.

xxx-xxx-xxxx Just because I knew you wouldn’t ask for it. Call me sometime. – Y/N

Maybe he would take her out.

After all, he felt as if they had this connection, even if it was unconventional from any other relationship he had before. One thing he knew for sure was he liked the sound of her name on his tongue, repeating it in front of the mirror and practicing what to say to her...thinking about her until he fell fast asleep.

The spaceman used to have problems, but now?

He has none.

#the martian #sebastian stan #chris beck #chris beck smut #chris beck x reader #chris beck x reader smut #sac writes #space daddy

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applejackofalltrades · 3 years

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Why Do I Like AppleDash So Much?

Literally nobody has ever asked me this but I'm going to answer this question anyway.

Intro: How I Got Into My Little Pony

Imma be real. The reason I started watching the show is because some of my old Twitter mutuals were interacting with posts about the Friendship Is Magic 10th anniversary. Some of them were talking about Rarijack and how it was a good ship, and others were discussing the implied canonicity of Appledash.

I had, at the time, just finished catching up on The Owl House that had recently been in the process of finishing up season one or had just gone into hiatus (can't remember which) and I was losing interest in my old hyperfixations fast.

See, I do this thing where I get really REALLY invested in a show and then as soon as it ends or as soon as I absorb every bit of media in it, I lose some of the interest or it fades. I don't usually lose full interest. For example, I still love She-Ra (my last big fandom) and I'm obviously still invested in The Owl House, but ever since both of those shows ended/stalled, I was desperately needing something to distract me from the trials and tribulations of my will to live that my daily life often forced upon me.

As you can guess, ponies was my solution.

I went into the show with a Rarijack mindset, but knowing that Appledash existed. I guess my mutuals just really liked Rarijack. I decided to give season one a chance. Actually, I felt quite silly for even deciding to watch the show. You see, back in 2018, I was still quite... trivial about watching anything that was seen as "girly". I didn't really have any problems with watching cartoons (ie. V*ltron, Steven Universe, Avatar, Pokemon etc.) but it was the fact that a show was "girly" that made me iffy. I had a very fragile masculinity, okay?

Anyway, so I actually was really afraid to watch She-Ra, even though the teaser images and trailer looked good. But I did and I decided that even "girly" shows could be good and that I was silly.

But, oh boy, cringe culture really messed with me. In mid/late 2020, I was ashamed to watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I said I'd watch one season just so I could laugh at it. I wanted to watch it as a joke, and who knows, maybe I found a guilty pleasure to watch while I waited for The Owl House to come back?

I loaded up Netflix and I hit play. Instantly, I was cringing at myself. Can you blame me? Early season MLP was obviously meant for kids. Not that it was immature or bad, but it was definitely a kid's show, especially considering the iconic storybook opening of episode one.

I watched the episodes, but they mostly were just background noise as I did other things. I remember watching them, but I was indifferent, although frustrated that I found myself chuckling at a few of the jokes and quips. I wasn't that invested, though. I thought Twilight was boring, Rarity obnoxious, Pinkie annoying, Fluttershy frustrating, and Rainbow Dash infuriating. I didn't really mind Applejack, I mostly kinda just thought she was the best one. (Nothing's changed, eh?)

And then....

Fall Weather Friends

Season One Episode Thirteen rolled around.

It starts (as y'all know) with Rainbow Dash and Applejack throwing horseshoes.

I don't know why, but this caught my attention. Of course, being only a few episodes after Look Before You Sleep, I had Rarijack on the mind. But I did think that Applejack and Rainbow Dash were probably good friends and would make for an interesting pairing, and a more interesting episode given their similarities, but also their differences.

I found myself fully watching this episode, and I dare say, it's the episode that dragged me fully into the show.

Maybe it's because I see myself in both of them in a way. Maybe that's why I connect so much with the pair, but them having an episode together? That was really good for me. I wasn't in the best state of mind, and something about seeing two characters that were in some ways reminiscent of myself interact and argue and have an endearing episode together made me smile.

It was then that I discovered the simple amazingness of AppleDash.

I mean, who doesn't love obnoxious, competitive girlfriends that are both prideful and headstrong?

I know I love it.

Anyway, so at that point, my mind kinda just clicked and I decided that my OTP was AppleDash. However, poly rights and Applejack has two front hooves *cough* Rarijackdash *cough*

But yeah so that's how I got into AppleDash. Fall Weather Friends, which was kinda the episode that made me love MLP.

How That Progressed

Well, obviously, I still love that ship I mean I live for it. If I could have any one single ship it'd be them. It just kept getting better and better as the show progressed, I mean their dynamic is great whether you want to see it platonically or romantically. They have a lot in common right off the bat (example, they are both incredibly stubborn, though AJ would take the cake for that) and seem to be close (I mean right from episode one they appear to already have a pre-established friendship), but they're also different. Applejack is a hard worker all of the time with anything she does, while Dash tends to be lazy but can be extremely driven when she is motivated (for example, when she wants to achieve her Wonderbolts dream). Applejack is immensely caring and family-oriented and does things for the good of everypony, while Rainbow Dash can be kind of a jerk and not mindful of her actions when she's wrapped up in the stuff she's doing for herself (not to say she isn't caring, but she tends to be kind of an ass, even to Fluttershy sometimes).

Their growth was immensely fun to watch and as time went on, they shared more and more screentime together. Even if it's not an episode that revolves around them, whenever one of them is in frame, most of the time the other is close by, and they often stand next to each other.

Now, in terms of why they work in the show's canon (in my opinion, either romantically or platonically, they do make a great pairing):

They are both competitive and enjoy competing with each other, though they know (especially after FWF when they've taken it too far)

They watch out for each other (AJ often holds Rainbow Dash back when she's about to rush into danger, especially in early seasons, and Dash always lifts AJ out of danger first [the two examples I can think of off the top of my head are in Best Gift Ever and My Little Pony: The Movie])

Their personalities even each other out. (AJ is a lot more calm than RD, and while they can both get worked up, Applejack is usually the calm one)

Their colour schemes are literally complementary. (AJ's coat is orange while Rainbow's is blue. AJ's eyes are green while RD's are pink/red).

They share a lot of cute moments. (You can just look these up)

THEY'RE HECCING CUTE.

AND FINALLY

I mean fuck, the finale. They're literally canon, you cannot tell me otherwise. It was absolutely intended and you cannot prove otherwise. (read the script notes l o l "we actually could do sort of a subtle wink to the idea that they are now a couple???" < RE Appledash). They live together, they have domestic arguments about chores, they are always giving each other fond looks throughout the episode, always standing next to or near each other, and well we all know Rainbow's iconic hoof on AJ's head in the last shot of the show.

Ashleigh Ball really was the OG shipper and fuck it, she was right. We all know they are in love, she knows they are in love. The only reason they couldn't explicitly state it in the show is probably bc Hasbro would have been against that at the time (I mean, Lyrabon had to be very subtle but hey we gottem).

Oh and, I know this isn't exactly canon canon, but it is an official game: The My Little Pony Magic Princess app. Future AJ and RD's descriptions allude to them being together.

You could negate this and say that this is just them being friends but I mean... come on. Come on. Sweet Apple Acres is Apple family land, and the only people who live there as of The Last Problem are Apples. (AJ, Sugar Belle and Big Mac and their foal, and you guessed it... Rainbow Dash).

You cannot tell me that they aren't canon. You'd really have to be grasping at straws because all the signs are there. They had build up, development, and it just makes sense.

If you don't think it makes sense... did we watch the same show??? It absolutely makes sense.

Anyway, AppleDash is canon. :)

#jay has pony thoughts #appledash #applejack #rainbow dash #i just like talking

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youwontlikethisblog · 3 years

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Picasso's Night

The previous post Adriana Arboleda brings you up to date with the analysis if you would like to go read it before you start reading this one :)

Now this day has been a pretty eventful one. For one: We witnessed Armando show contentment that morning when he saw Betty for the first time that day. Totally absorbed by her existence until Mario cleared his throat.

Armando screwed up big time when he made it seem and acted like spending some alone time with AA was a lot more important than Betty or the company. He yelled at her and said she got on his last nerve and since then Betty has been on a bad mood with Armando, who after Mario told him that Betty was jealous had a moment of realization and has been feeling pretty awful since then.

Interestingly enough as the night progressed and Betty was invited to the exhibition of Picasso's collection, Mario kept insisting that Armando go and speak with Betty since he was leaving to Miami the next day.

Though this time, unlike the last time he traveled, before Panama, Armando was a bit more hesitant to leave. It wasn't merely because of the new collection they were going to launch and it wasn't because of the state of company. Armando looked at Betty to see if he had any reason to stay, looking at his best friend for any excuse to stay.

After Marcela tells Betty to reserve two rooms at the same hotel they stayed last time and Mario agrees to them traveling he then starts to insist that Armando go speak to Betty and apologize for his behavior that day.

The one thing that Betty did begin to screw up on(aside from starting an affair with her hawt boss) is that now emotions begin to play a huge role, not in the personal part of her life but the professional.

Betty has always been good at maintaining a good separation of what is professional and what is personal(although most of the times when she didn't she was following Armando's lead or example) . At the start of their affair, the day after Armando kissed her for the first time, Betty stayed professional. Even afterwards, Betty stayed professional. When it has come to company time Betty has stayed professional except this time she didn't.

Her jealousy, her feelings took control of her, foretelling things to come, less than 24 hours away.

This also pushes Mario with this idea that Betty must be catered to by Armando in order to keep her under control, though Armando knows best and he knows Betty won't betray him, Mario keeps pushing this narrative and when Betty doesn't agree to it or deny she'll do it Mario understands this as her holding it over Armando's head because of what he did that day.

Writing this now has made me realize that that's the reason he wrote the letter to Armando, not as some stupid mistake or for Betty to find it, though that's a pretty good theory, is that he did it for Armando's sake. Here me out!

For one he truthfully believed that Armando would be stupid enough to screw up giving Betty her gifts and that it would ruin the relationship but the cruelty of this letter exceeded even his jokes behind closed doors, that Armando didn't find amusing anymore, even before he slept with Betty the first time. I'll explain this in the post regarding that fateful letter and from the point of view as a writer and why even that sequences of scenes was a bit choppy and had it's mistakes in execution.

Now here when Armando asks her if she will embellish the balance for him for the big board meeting she allows her anger and resentment to come above her labor obligations and she doesn't give him an answer, better yet she finds a way to ignore the subject. Yes you can argue that Betty was always motivated by her secret crush and her secret feelings for Armando to do all the things she did it in the past, like the first time she embellished the balance and while yes that is true. I have pointed out how Betty showed her love for Armando through her work. He had upset her as well in the past and she'd still do it because in the thick of it she couldn't see him fail when she had the "solution" in her hands but this time her feelings-though extremely valid since he did end up hurting her feelings not as his employee but as his girlfriend- come above everything because this time her ego, the one he was helping to build up, was crushed by the man himself and that is a mistake. Especially when it comes to something that doesn't only directly affect Armando but an entire enterprise where her friends happen to work in. This again foreshadows events to occur in less than 24 hours.

Later when he goes into her office to talk to her she tells him that she doesn't do that, but he interrupts her and tells her that he doesn't want to talk about that but that he wants to talk about Adriana and what happened in his office.

Again though Armando contradicts himself a lot when he is with Mario when we see him with Betty we know where the true nature of his worry or concern lies and it isn't the company but their relationship. The evidence in this is how he behaves when Mario brings up the company compared to his relationship with Betty.

After Betty leaves Mario explains why Betty was hurt and that he can't leave with Betty being hurt, angry, and resentful because she's got the company in her hands. Armando looks angry when Mario is explaining what his mistake translated to Betty. He's angry at himself, while Mario talks about the company Armando has his back to him, peaking outside of the blinds and then turns to him.

"What you're doing is throwing away all that work [we] put in the days before. You're practically telling her that the relationship is just a game. That for you the ninety sixties are a lot more important to you." Armando quickly looks at Mario when he says this, again he is maintaining himself composed and controlled with his emotions as his face doesn't give much of a reaction but the quick jerking of his eye sight allows us to know that this part, from all of what he has said, is a lot more important to him than the company, again because he trust Betty with it, and that he is more worried about the way he has offended Betty. "that this is made of paper and let me tell you something; an ugly wounded woman is more worse than a wounded tiger and that wound doesn't heal with pats on the back, no Sir."

This conversations motivates Armando, not to go talk with Betty since he already wanted to do that but to go searching for her so he could fix his mistake and clarify just how important she is to him.

At the exhibition Betty points out his needs with the models to which Armando tells her that she makes him feel like if he were some seggsually deprived man, which is true. This does make the assumption that Armando's conquests or what not where meant to be written as a borderline seggsual addiction behavior type of thing since she doesn't say "your infatuation, your affairs." she clearly says "your needs with the models".

The conversation here is important because it begins to open a can of warms. She tells him that he'd look good with her, that Adriana Arboleda and him would make a good pair. That their attractiveness complements each other.

"I understand asking for privacy for one thing only." We then see a frame of Armando(lol the painting behind him has to be comedic gold!) who glances away from her, lips with a slight frown but not tight or pursed, showing that he isn't mad or frustrated rather he is upset with himself. "You wanted to be alone with her. Besides I'm not asking for you to give me any explanations. At the end of it you are the president and I'm your assistant. Besides this all happened during work hours and since I've worked for you I perfectly know your needs with the models." She glances around and leaves as people get closer to them. Armando then goes after her.

Right now I'm going to admit that I was wrong, well somewhat. I wrote a post once saying that Betty was calling Armando Don instead of Sir as the relationship progressed but I was wrong. Betty uses the title of Sir as a term of respect for Armando. Even here when they've slept together and she's seen and felt the change of Armando towards her and their relationship she still calls him Sir or Don Armando, that doesn't change. However the somewhat mentioned does change when it comes to Armando. So I was wrong but towards who the theory fell upon. @el-moscorrofio-y-el-mercachifle was right and there isn't much of an importance when it comes to Betty and what she calls Armando. HOWEVER let me preference this that the person I was pointing this theory towards was my bad however the theory of changing names or titles is correct.

If you've read my untitled post regarding my OC and her relationship and how that helped me realize how I wasn't sympathizing with Marcela and that not only was A+M relationship toxic but as well as dependent than I gave you some glimpse into my original writing and how that process helped me be able to understand this part of their relationship and now that this is out of the way, let me tell you why these last two paragraphs are here.

My OC has a habit of never remembering peoples names on purpose, she does it as a power move. As if saying "You're not that important for me to remember your name." she does it especially to annoy people. Also because she's distracted half the time judging a person when they're first introducing themselves. Armando does something similar with Betty on her first days or weeks at Eco Moda.

Men tend to ignore women who they aren't attracted to. Armando did this to Betty. On a professional level he didn't ignore her but as a woman he did. We knows this because it was clearly presented this way at the start of the novela. However I really made my self take notice of this when I re-watched the first half of the novela(I haven't seen the ending bc I tend to avoid things that I cannot control or expect).

My OC is introduced to a guy who she can't stand and at first she calls him all sorts of names starting with the letter 'C' until she managed to remember his last name and calls him that for the remaining of the beginning of the story until they become friends, she switches between Caleb and Anderson, often times calling him by his name when they are having friendly conversation. When they become good friends and establish their friendship he no longer is just Anderson to her but Caleb, someone worth remembering. This is a small detail that I thought would allow the reader to determine the change of tonality between these two characters and their relationships and honestly one of my favorite details to write so when I first noticed this, I got too excited and projected it onto Betty when in reality it was Armando.

Now that I've spoiled my own writing(that I'll most likely never publish) let me explain why I bring this up, finally.

Armando called Betty at the start of the novela "Emperatriz". Once they became more familiar and Betty corrected him and told him he could call her Betty, he finally remembered her name. It's important to note this small detail because just like I intended to write it, so did Fernando Gaitan(I'm assuming lol). He did know her name but he didn't care to register it. Marcela called her Beatriz in front of him, Mario called her by her name, everyone did except for him, and she[Marcela] got upset at him when she heard him call her Betty because in her[Morch] eyes that was a cute nick name to have for an employee, especially for an "ugly" secretary. Now the switch between Betty and Beatriz did happen before the affair started, however the switch was a little bit more noticeable as Armando began to blur the lines of personal and impersonal.

In this scene though and the scenes before this, whenever emotions were heavily involved, especially when it was regarding their relationship Armando calls Betty, Beatriz, in fact even when she wasn't present in the room and he'd talk to Mario about his feelings and why he felt guilty(before he'd shut off this part of him bc Mario would start making jokes) Armando referred to Betty as Beatriz and not Betty but when it came to talking about her as an employee and not a woman he'd refer to her as Betty, it happens this day as well. When he gets upset that she won't let him spend alone time with AA and he yells at her and calls her Betty.

Why am I bringing up this small detail in this post? In this scene and the scene in Mario's apartment this is very evident and signifies the growth of his feelings and his conscious commitment to Betty as a woman.

Finally, after a bit of arguing inside the museum they leave together, of course, after sneaking out because Marcela went to the museum trying to catch him.

It's also important to note that when they found out Morch was in the museum that Betty asked Armando if he had anything to drink. It's pretty standard for him to be drinking, tipsy, or even drunk when he goes out with Betty. The one time I can remember him being completely sober was when he had to confess his feelings for her, soberly, the day after he kissed her for the first time. I broke that down in another post :)

Other times while he hasn't been drunk or tipsy he has had a few drinks at the office, however again it's pretty standard for him to drink and she knows this but why is it something that is brought up here?

Betty attributes Armando's behavior, especially when he is this...stubborn in doing things that could expose their relationship when he has been drinking. Not only that but also because the night they first hooked up they both had been heavily drinking, especially Armando and it is important as the continuation of the night leads us to Mario's apartment.

Outside, in his car, Armando finally gets to clarify his actions as he apologizes and tells her that he only wants her to know that she's more important to him than any other woman and he isn't shy to name the woman as he says: "than Adriana Arboleda, than Marcela or any other woman." This sounds a bit rehearsed but not like the previous times where we can even notice in his tone of voice and his micro expressions that he does so for manipulation. A great scene to use as a contrast to this attitude of his in this scene is the one where he makes out with Betty, the night he fights Roman and Co(wrote a post about it too). This lets us know that he really did think about how to apologize to her. While here his tone is rehearsed his micro expressions aren't a show, in reality his behavior is natural and goes along with what he is saying.

Now Betty in a teasing tone replies to him saying "That's not true." (also because she doesn't believe him)and Armando in a very serious tone and even a seductive tone, gazing his eyes down her body and back to her lips tells her that of course it's true and leans in, placing his hand on her face and they start to kiss.

This shows us that Armando once again isn't only feeling his emotional attraction to Betty, which is what moved his physical attraction forward in the past but now he can tell the difference between these two and he is okay with them! This is a huge step for Armando because he no longer is denying these things from himself. In fact he encourages himself and Betty to have these desires for one another and that as the days progress since their first sinful night his desire for Betty only continues to increase.

When they pull away his phone starts to ring, Betty asks if it's Marcela and Armando's facial expression and tone tells us it is as he looks annoyed and pissed that she's calling him.

This reaction is also standard for him because it's the exact same expression he pulls every time Marcela calls him. Especially when he's with Betty. However this small detail we've been given through the past episodes and this night also hold much significance in future episodes when his reaction to her call no longer is standard behavior from him.

While at the start of this phone call his tone is very forced in "lovingly" speaking to Marcela, his micro expressions again show us that he is just pretending. This tone is one we've heard a bunch of times before and it's one that is solely reserved for Marcela. Even on her part she tries to speak "politely" and just as if she were simply calling because she was curious but as this conversation goes both their dances of trying to keep things peaceful and civil subside and they basically start a mosh pit where they become more hostile until Armando implodes on her.

Marcela in a her standard of questionnaire routine asks Armando who he's with, hesitant he admits he's with Betty.

Her reaction to this however isn't standard of just guilt, taking into consideration the events of the day and that even Armando has told her that Marcela stops nagging him when she knows he's with her and because she's also eavesdropped and heard Armando say that Marcela doesn't consider her as a femininely threat, much less a woman, she once again gets hurt.

One could assume Armando did this to cover his tracks in case anyone told Marcela that they saw them leave together. It's also not hard to believe that Armando is stupid and says things without thinking them through in the heat of the moment however what is more obvious is that he probably wanted to take Marcela off his back so he tells her that he's with Betty. The small pause he takes before he says this helps me determine this. It could also be that he did so in case anyone did tell Marcela he left with Betty.

As Armando implodes on Marcela for insinuating that he lied to her i.e that he's going to go off with his mistress, Betty shifts in her seat and then she looks uncomfortable, returning to her guilt.

In this scene Betty experiences first hand this toxic side of Armando, one she has seen as a boss to employee scenario but not as a significant other. She has heard and even been in the middle of their fights in the past and while even then she behaved professionally, and also guilty this time she shows a lot more emotions raging from being uncomfortable to even being upset with Armando. This however is a small taste to what she will experience first hand not as the bystander of this side of his but as the target of his toxic behavior.

Later in the car, as he drives, Betty, with a broken heart tells Armando she believes that he should go on his trip and try to reconcile his relationship with Marcela and reconnect while they're away.

Armando, nervous and scared asks her if that's what she really wants and the hurt that it might be, he asks(really demands) for her to look him in the eyes and tell him this. Which Betty doesn't. In this moment his phone rings.

Why do these small details play such a huge role?

Less than 24 hours away, Betty finds the letter which plays the exact rhythm in which Armando and Mario planned her downfall.

For one: While in the past Betty agreed to embellish the balance for the meeting, this night she did not and because of this Armando went out to look for her at the exhibit and then took her to his best friends bach pad and slept with her all so she would embellish that balance which would keep the board members at peace allowing Armando to continue as the president of Eco Moda.

Two: That Mario called him this night, while they were together, and while Armando "played" it off that Mario wasn't aware of their affair, when she later questioned him about it and he denied it, these conversations begin to makes sense to her.

We know that's not the case. While Mario spoke about the company Armando didn't seem that concerned or even motivated to go searching for her but it wasn't until Mario mentioned how sever it was what that he implied to Betty that AA was more important to him than her[Betty] and what that meant for their relationship and how she was suffering because of it that he was motivated to search for her as he said, a terrible fear was settling in him because of it. While yes, Mario suggested that they hook up so she could be happy again and forgive him and that way the company would still be in their hands and not Nicolas, Armando didn't need any motivation for that.

In fact he hasn't needed any inspiration or motivation sober or drunk to desire Betty, often not being able to stop himself from kissing her and more. Was this based on Mario telling him to do this?

No.

It wasn't because Mario suggested it(At the office). Unlike their first night where Armando kept calling Mario and kept asking for help and advice, this time Armando gets annoyed at Mario for calling him. Even his behavior is different. While before when Mario kept insisting that he slept with Betty to get it over with, Armando showed disgust or being repugnant to doing an atrocity of that magnitude towards Betty, this time his face was poker. He showed no real disgust towards the idea of seducing Betty as in he'd sleep with her, more that Mario yet again was using something he knew was important and special to the both of them[B+A] as a weapon for the "good" of the company.

When he hangs up his phone Betty points out that the direction he's driving isn't towards her house, to which Armando tells her if she really wants to go home.

"I think it's for the best." He turns to stare at her and then pulls to the side of the road.

"That you want me to take you home?" He asks in disbelief. Betty swallows hard, the corner of her mouth look a bit downward and she looks scared. "Damnit!" He hits his steering wheel and though he is angry, his tone is completely different to that of his tone when he is angry at Marcela. "Damnit, Beatriz, all I want is to be with you tonight, I leave tomorrow, remember? I went to the museum, exclusively, to pick you up, to see you, to feel you next to me, to be with you. When we bumped into Marcela I risked my life and I am still risking it to this moment. Everything I've done is to tell you that I adore you, that you're above Adriana Arboleda, that you're above Marcela, of-of all of them!" We can determine he is honest here as he stares at her, exclusively even when she doesn't stare back at him, she looks pained and confused herself. "and the only thing you can tell me is that you want me to go to Palm Beach(I LOVE the way he says Palm Beach it's just ugh so nice) and have a marvelous honeymoon with her so that we can grow closer." He looks down, away from her and then ahead of him. His voice was no longer harsh at the end more so becoming almost a whisper. "That's what you want? Okay! Right now I'll drive you to your house because it's what you're asking from me. I don't deserve this." (BAWHAHAHA ARMANI YES YOU DO, MY BOY).

Now in a non-contextual way one could simply asume that he is doing this all under the bias of manipulation towards Betty, especially that final line of "I don't deserve this." but when you take all the context clues and you look at the bigger picture there's more that plays in here and I'm not saying that Armando isn't manipulating Betty in this exact scene, he is very much doing so, however it isn't like in the past. This time he does so to get what he wants, which is to spend the night with Betty so he guilts her with this final part of "I don't deserve this- because I've risked so much to spend this night with you."

However taking aside that guilt trip manipulation, why does Armando stumble once in his words showing he isn't rehashing this previous speech? and why does he take a breather before he tells Betty that he'll drop her off at her house like she asked?

While the first apology was what he rehearsed with himself, this second time around it took him by surprise to admit that she was above all the other women because this apology wasn't based on a "lets just make up right now." it was an apology based in heart and the self-realization of how true that statement was for him that while yes Betty was above Adriana Arboleda in her significance to him and even Marcela who he's engaged to, she is now also above all women.

How true is this statement?

Well we see a change of behavior of his with women in the future episodes which proves, yet again, that this confession of his wasn't just an apology so Betty could forgive him, but an apology that was sincere and heart felt.

Betty finally gives in and tells him to wait. With tears coating her lashes she stares at him "Sir, forgive me." She speaks solemnly. Armando's entire body relaxes just a bit as he sits back on his seat. "Sir, forgive me. I want you to understand that-that this hasn't been easy for me. [The situation] with Adriana Arboleda and now the conflict with Ms. Marcela; it's killing me, Sir." His anger and hurt begins to simmer down. "I don't know what to do, how to behave. I-I think I'm acting very bad." She looks away from him, touches the side of her face in a worried and embarrassed manor while Armando stares at her and timidly(in his nature) asks her what truly worry's him.

"But do you want to be with me?"

"Yes, of course, of course. It's what I want most." She caresses the side of his face, he leans towards her hand "in the world." and now he looks like he's come back to life. Staring at her with a soft glow and when she pulls her hand down he looks at it and follows it until he stares back at her, feeling the absences of her touch and missing it. "But you leave tomorrow." They both look away from each other but Armando only does so for a micro second before he stares back at her. "and I won't be complete without you, Sir." Again we get a frame of Armando's reaction to this. "Not being by your side will not be any easier for me." As she speaks her tone is soft, timid however not wavering showing that while she is nervous to confess this to him, she isn't scared of doing so.

"Betty." He says so adoringly towards her. "Betty" he whispers and touches her face and honestly I believe his favorite part of Betty's face is the side of her face, by her earlobe cause he's always touching her there. "Nobody said this would be easy. We knew this road was going to be a difficult one but you know what? I am going to be missing you so much. I'm going to miss you a lot."

Again the words here are lost in translation he tells her "Usted me va a hacer muchísima falta." which roughly is saying that there will be a huge lack of her in him, causing him to yarn for her a lot and feeling that absences of hers will make him miss her in a very profound way because he needs her. This separation they're both fearful of is what brings the forgiveness to shore.

Now the post for that specific scene will need an entire post dedicated to it because there's so much! Just so much.

For this episode I had to watch it on the NBC app so maybe there was some scenes missing.

I don't know if anyone noticed how important the story of Picasso and his lovers was for this and how they showed the similarities to Armando and his lovers, specifically how toxic Picasso was(all though if we're being honest that dood sounds more abusive than just toxic bc we all got a lil toxicity in our system but that foo was straight up kidnapping his lovers and locking them up while he had other's on the side? Nah man call a hotline.) towards his lovers. Though I am not saying that Armando is a saint, I don't think he is as bad as Picasso, that dood needed a restraining order against him so he could just stay away from all women.

In all seriousness though the similarity was that though Picasso had lovers he cared for each of them especially his last two lovers, i.e Betty and Marcela and it foreshadowed just how jealous and pathetic Armando would become in the future.

I mean I love Armando, I had to learn to love him bc at first I didn't, but the behavior he displays in the future episodes while yeah one could explain them are not justifiable and I will get into detail on that in the future posts and the post I am still writing regarding his abusive/toxic tendencies.

Overall this episode, which on NBC is episode 68, was pretty straightforward with a lot of small details to look at and not really for the leading on of the scenes in Mario's apartment but overall where the story continues to get pushed.

In this episode, the episode when Armando fights Roman and Co. and her birthday night celebration and the previous night of this episode are nights that Betty goes back to prove that what she reads in that letter are true, especially this night, before they got to the apartment and just how much Armando "risked" to spend that night with her.

While she tries to believe that it's all a joke because she's certain that Armando was honest and heartfelt with her through his actions and not words, she doesn't trust him. I'll explain that a lot more further in that post.

Pushing forward the plot of the story though we see just how these two have truthfully grown close together and not just as friends but as lovers who are exploring their feelings a lot more now and while Betty is learning to open herself up again, Armando is learning to love for the first time.

I say that Betty is learning to open herself up again because it's true. While in the past she asked Armando why he was interested in her, she shared poetic talk about how the moon inspired poets and how guilty she felt when she saw Marcela, she hadn't opened herself up, not until the night at the hotel and that wasn't much, she barely opened up when Armando was asking her about her first time. This night she was a lot more open. She called out Armando's behavior point blank and period, no hesitation, she spoke about her opinion and then she spoke about how she felt, not regarding her insecurity but regarding their relationship and the absences she'd feel from Armando not being there. While before she'd just say "I need you." or "You mean a lot to me." this time she goes on to further explain her feelings to Armando instead of just saying the words, this time she elaborates.

Armando is learning to love for the first time, being humble in realizing his mistakes, his limits and also understanding just how his actions affect others but the most important thing is that he is learning to be at peace with his feelings for Betty. We saw it that morning when he first saw Betty, later in the office when Betty caught him making out with the AA picture and just how guilty and embarrassed he felt because Betty saw him. Unlike with Marcela where he was scared that she'd cause a while scene, this time the problem for him was that Betty wouldn't cause a scene but be hurt and dump him for it, which would be a big deal for him. We saw it later when Betty forgave him after the letter and gift and when he realized the huge mistake he made with AA in the way he treated Betty. All of these behaviors has shown an Armando who has accepted that he cares for Betty, not love, but cares for her deeply and that she is important to him.

Thank you for being patient with me and sorry that I haven't been as active. These past days have been pretty busy and they'll continue being so. I'll probably only be able to post once a week but I hope that the post become better quality that way as well since I'll have more time to really break down the episodes.

Well 'til next time! :)

#betty la fea #betty pinzón solano #beatriz pinzón solano #beatriz pinzon solano #betty ysblf #armando ysblf #don armando #armando mendoza #analysis of ysblf #ysblf #mario calderon

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solomonish · 3 years

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Demon Brothers Helping a Struggling MC

CW for: eating disorders (alluded to but not described - discussed in the disclaimer).

so, i want to first state that if anybody believes anything in this post is more harmful than helpful, please let me know and i will delete it. I know that for things that I deal with, fics like this are comforting, but seeing as I’ve never personally had an eating disorder or known someone with one, it’s entirely possible I missed the mark. additionally: here is a tumblr post with a variety of hotlines you can call if you need to. There are eating disorder specific hotlines for the US and UK listed, along with suicide helplines for countries around the world. if you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out and get help - especially from the professionals who know how to give the proper care. you are so worth it.

Lucifer

He keeps an eye on you, even when you don’t realize it, so he’s the first to notice that something is bothering you. Still, with how much time he spends working, it does take him a little longer than he’d like.

As solution-oriented as he is, he prefers to address you the moment he figures it out. His words are firm and straightforward - he’s not the one you want to go to if you need things put gently.

Pride is who he is, and he takes great pride in you - he makes sure to make this known. This knowledge does not make him any less proud of you, and he wants you to be able to see yourself the way he does - certainly then, you might have an easier time with the recovery process.

Even if Lucifer cannot be there directly by your side, he is always with you - in the reminders he sends you, in the rewards he promises when you make progress, in the efforts he makes to assist your transition into the Devildom. He’s the best at creating a stable environment so that you don’t have as much to focus on while he works with you to recover.

Mammon

Mammon is a hard on to hide anything from, if only because he’s around you so much. he also spends a lot of time staring after you wistfully but shhh don’t let him know you know

Still, he’s also a bit oblivious at times, so it might take him a while to notice anything is up. once he does realize that you’re struggling, he panics a bit.

Mammon brings it up himself, but only after a short while of acting antsy around you and staring more pointedly at you at random points throughout the day. he’s clumsy in his approach, but careful to be sensitive: he’s used to being told how often he messes things up, and this is one thing he WANTS to get right.

Mammon has a way of making you feel in control - with the way he allows you to tell him what you need, with the way he isn’t too pushy in helping you through rockier days of your recovery. He wants to be able to be YOUR man, your go-to guy for anything, and he’ll make absolutely sure to get it right.

Leviathan

Levi has a million things to distract himself from the world around him, so bringing him into reality can take a while.

However, he can also tell when somebody else is uncomfortable - whether it’s a facet of his pact or he’s just in tune with his best friend, he isn’t sure.

He’s the type to go to sites like reddit and ask for first-person experience advice. The clinical advice seems stuffy and he isn’t sure if he can be trusted with such formal advice.

His strong suit is distraction, so if you’re okay with it, that how he’ll help you. If anything in your recovery gets too much, he’s there to help shift your focus. He’s also good with helping you stick to some kind of schedule, if that helps you out. After all, he sticks to one religiously to catch all his shows - he’ll rearrange it for you if you need it.

Satan

Satan is perceptive, but he’s not immune to overthinking. The fact that you came to the Devildom, something to be wary of yet somehow becoming something so treasured so quickly, catches him off guard and he still has to reconcile his feelings with how he watches you.

When he does find out and realizes how long he’s gone without noticing, he’s angry with himself. He’s supposed to be the smart one, the perceptive one, and he missed something so important.

He’ll read up on everything he can in order to give you the best support. Satan will also up his attentiveness, making sure to notice any little thing you may need that you don’t want to tell him about.

Aside from maybe having to let him know to back off a bit, Satan will probably be the most likely to just intuitively know what you need. He still communicates everything with you, and he makes for good company, whatever type you may need.

Asmodeus

Asmo’s favorite things to take pictures of are as follows: himself, you, and the most aesthetically pleasing desserts he can find. When you start shying away from two of those, he wonders briefly what made you so camera shy but normally turns the camera on himself and shrugs it off. maybe you feel like you’re having a bad hair day?

Once it does dawns on him that perhaps it’s something more serious, he’ll immediately ask you how he can help. He’s holding you gently as he does, using his softest voice - he almost sounds timid, and maybe he has to be, to deal with the amount of love he’s feeling for you and only you.

You might have to tell him to ease up on the overt compliments about how you look or talking about buying clothes and “form fitting” shapes, and thought he’ll have a learning curve he’ll find lots of different ways to make sure you feel loved! He’ll take a page from your book and start complimenting things like how sweet you are, or how smart he thinks you are - things about the you inside of you that have his heart racing when you say them back.

Asmo knows a lot about the pressure to look a certain way, so even though he lives by feeding into what those people want, he’ll always back out if it gets too much for you. If it’s alright with you, you can always be his favorite photographer <3

Beelzebub

When he’s eating, he doesn’t always focus on what other people are eating. (honestly, it only makes him hungrier). However, when he offers some of his food to you - a move anybody will tell you is the most affectionate thing he can do - and you refuse, he starts to worry.

At first, he wonders if you’re upset with him - and once he finds out the real reason, he doesn’t feel much more satisfied.

Beel’s best effort is trying to structure mealtimes more so instead of gorging himself throughout the day he eats meals. He also never judges or comments on what you do or don’t eat - he just does his best to make sure you have any option you want.

Beel’s strongest suit is comfort - he’ll agree with anything you do want to eat and will get rid of anything you don’t without judgement. He’s also pretty good with knowing the nutritional value of food - if you’re interested, he’d be more than happy to help you plan meals that have what you want and what you need, without making it seem too daunting a task.

Belphegor

Belphegor doesn’t pick up on a lot of things because he’s asleep most of the day. He does, however, spend a lot of his conscious hours with you, and eventually (maybe with some innocent prompting from Beel) he’ll realize that you’re starting to behave differently.

Will straight up ask you about it until he knows you’re being completely honest with him. What he lacks in tact he makes up for in dedication - he wants to help you, and his apathetic front allows him to help without seeming too involved to the point it makes you uncomfortable.

Belphegor can help you feel a sense of normalcy if you ever get overwhelmed or disconnected. He can continue conversations about really anything and help give you a moment to recuperate and breathe.

That’s not to say he isn’t proactive in your recovery. Anything you tell him or anything he brings to the table to brainstorm, he’ll say at the end of the conversation “let me sleep on it” and when he wakes up again he’ll have several game plans ready to see which helps you most in your recovery.

All

if one of them catches wind, it’s only a matter of time until the others notice how something’s changed between you and that brother

all of them will advocate for you to have easier access to the human world for therapy (in their own ways, some more helpful than others), should you choose to go. if not, they’ll all do their best to be a comforting ear when you need one.

sometimes you can find them all in the library, not discussing what you’ve told them but trying to figure out how best to communicate how much they care. (it’s one of the few times you can see them actually working together)

whoever had grocery duty or dinner duty will often check in with you to see if you have any special requests. if you mention wanting a specific snack or something throughout the day, you might end up with seven packages of it within 24 hours. (they’re all trying).

little by little, you’ll also notice how they stop fighting as much at the table. meals become more fun and enjoyable affairs, even if there’s been a disagreement earlier in the day. the brothers are all on their best behavior, and lucifer doesn’t even make any comments wondering why they won’t act that way for diavolo.

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yawpyawp · 4 years

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no one asked, but I feel like I’m constantly yelling about voting, so I just felt the need to clearly express my actual stance on it:

1. Not everyone can vote

Voter suppression and disenfranchisement are VERY REAL in the U.S.. Voter ID laws, voter registration restrictions, voter purges, felony disenfranchisement, and gerrymandering all work to suppress votes. This disproportionately impacts people of color.

2. If you CAN do it, you SHOULD do it

We’re in one of those situations where we should use EVERY tool we have at our disposal. Not everyone has the same set of tools. Voting isn’t the only tool, but if it’s available to you, you should use it.

Vote with empathy on behalf of the people in your community who can’t (this especially includes voting in local elections)

DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE TO PEOPLE WHEN THEY SAY THEY DON’T PLAN TO VOTE. It’s more helpful to make sure those around you who want to vote have the info/resources they need to do so.

3. Voting progressives into office can help influence policy

Through voting, the general population can have influence on government and policy, whether it’s at the federal, state, or local level. (Especially local.)

Biden is running on one of the most progressive presidential platforms ever, and it’s not because he is progressive, but because the platform is being pushed to the left thanks to consistent work and noise from activists like Sanders and his supporters, and because more progressives have been voted into congress. (Do I personally think the platform is progressive enough? NOPE! But some progress is there.)

We saw that progressive trend in the 2018 blue wave, which ushered in progressives like the Squad, and more recently, we saw it continue in the 2020 primary victories of people like Cori Bush and Jamaal Bowman, who both beat well-established moderate incumbents.

“Research has shown that, in general, members of Congress usually end up voting in accordance with promises made in their party platforms. So the platform is significant, because it is Democrats’ most concrete statement, as a party, of what they stand for. It shouldn’t be taken literally — but it should be taken seriously.” (x)

4. Voting is one step in a much more involved process, and is not the solution to the systemic issues we face in the U.S.

Voting Democrat is hard for many, because the U.S. only has two major parties, and neither adequately addresses immediate (and long-lived) issues. A lot of different ideologies have been grouped under the Democratic umbrella by default as the Republican party has gotten more extreme. This means it’s almost impossible to agree within the “same” party. This interview with Bernie Sanders on the Daily Show from August 21st 2020 is a great primer on using coalition politics for the present, and inside/outside strategy moving forward.

Voting, on its own, will not fix our government. The government under the Dems will be the same government that made it possible for Trump to be elected and pull the shit he’s pulling. His brazenness has just starkly exposed pre-existing cracks.

Therefore, if we end up with a Democratic administration, they have to be held accountable, their decisions and motives have to be examined and questioned, and they have to be made to deliver on the progressive promises they make.

#long post #void journal #HELLO?#I AM SORRY FOR THIS

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obeiii-mee · 4 years

Note

How will the bros react to MC self-doubting themselves? Like saying bad things about them or can't be serious someone give them compliment.

Supportive demon bois coming right up! Sorry I took so long to write this anon! Thank you so much for the ask! (Also, thank you all for the love on my previous posts!)

————————————

The Brothers with an MC who self doubts themselves:

Lucifer:

-As the embodiment of pride itself, Lucifer has an overwhelming amount of confidence, almost all the damn time

-So, he was flabbergasted to learn that you weren’t the same

-He always insisted that you aren’t anything but perfect, yet you always seemed to brush the compliments off with a shrug and an awkward smile

-Well, shit, we can’t have that

-Lucifer just got 10x more serious about the matter

-He pulls a really stupid concerned face whenever you insult yourself and he looks more and more like a 48 year old man/dad each time it happens

-He, as of late, increased the number of pet names he has for you and the amount of compliments he gives you each day

-He refuses to let you talk badly about yourself anywhere, at any point in time and encourages every little step you take towards bettering yourself like crazy

- Lucifer wants to prove to you that you are an absolute ray of sunshine and he will go to any lengths to do just that (do not ask)

-He’s even more affectionate than usual which confuses just about everyone in the House of Lamentation, yourself included

-His brothers are feeling a disturbance in the force and they don’t know how to feel about it

-You are possibly the best thing that’s happened to him since he fell as angel and Lucifer is ready to do whatever he can to help you realise that

Mammon:

-“You’re an idiot!”

-“*Sigh*, I know.”

-“Wha-Wait! Y-you can’t say thAT!”

-The Great Mammon is seriously worried about his human

-Being the dense motherfucker he is (i still love him tho) it took him weeks to realise you’re not all that confident in yourself

-At some point in your relationship, he jokingly called you annoying and you just went “Yeah I’ve been told. Sorry.”

-His jaw literally dropped and he almost cried

-He would have choked if he was drinking something

-Tsundere Mammon has gone bye bye and here comes the cuddling teddy bear that is your boyfriend

-He also doesn’t have as much self love for himself as he sometimes pretends to have so he’s kinda in the same boat

-Which means your boat is leaking and you’re perfectly fine with it while he’s panicking and trying to throw water overboard with his hands

-His brothers call him an idiot a lot but he’s a very sociable guy with people skills that he uses all the time in order to coax you out of your self pitiying shell

-Will whine every time you call yourself ‘useless’ or disagree with his compliments because what the hell, you’re literally the most gorgeous being ever let me love youuuu

-When it comes to you and your happiness, he ain’t fucking around. He will snarl at anyone that even looks at you in the wrong way

-Did that to Lucifer once, guess a what happened

-You’ve definitely helped him come to terms with the fact that he is loveable and not a good for nothing scum

-So now it’s your turn!

-Let him kiss your insecurities away please

-Your presence makes him feel wanted so he wants the same for you!

Levi:

-Well then

-It takes two to tango ya know?

-He is the KING of self loathing and no confidence whatsoever in anything he does so every time you put yourself down, he counters it with a self deprecating insult as well

-“I suck.”

-“Nah, you’re pretty awesome normie. I’m the shut in, disgusting otaku who can barely set foot outside his bedroom without having an anxiety attack.”

-It’s like you’re trying to outdo the other on who is worse

-Truth is, he really admires you, especially knowing you chose to date him; an anime nerd with no social life and no communication skills whatsoever

-It hurts a bit, every time he builds up the courage to actually compliment you and you not taking it seriously

-That’s because he recognises that he’s the same and just as harsh on himself as you are

-Levi knows self hatred is something that takes time to demolish

-But you are his Henry after all (also his partner but whatevs)

-He’s not gonna leave you hanging when you need him the most

-He also gradually stops calling you a normie as your relationship progresses, though it still slips through every now and again

-Basically, the first time he realised that you think negatively of yourself, his immediate reaction was: Haha lmao relatable

-But now, every time it happens, he gets all serious

-Puts his controller down and everything, it’s like witnessing a very rare phenomenon and it’s creepy as shit

-He’s also made an effort to be more physically affection though he is kinda shy about it because damn it he just wants to hug you every time you speak badly of yourself

-Probably writes a list at some point stating all the reasons why you are better than him and Ruri chan combined, it’s rlly sweet

Satan:

-He’s a bit curious as to where that mentality has come from

-What triggered you to be so self doubtful?

-He’s basically your psychotherapist and asks you a lot of questions trying to find different causes and solutions for your issues

-Honestly, he puts so much effort into trying to understand, reading books about it from the human realm and whatever he can find in order to help you

-He scrunches up his nose every time you call yourself an idiot or anything of the sort

-Satan knows that insisting you’re wonderful won’t exactly help you overcome this problem of yours

-But that doesn’t stop him from doing it

-It’s not like you can ignore his comments because he will keep complimenting you until you accept them

-He also repeats a lot of pick up lines but that’s just part of being his partner

-What do you mean you’re worthless?!! He would literally give away all of his books and his hatred for Lucifer in exchange for your well being!

-Satan is possibly the smartest out of all of his brothers, so he uses a tactical approach on this one

-Direct affectionate gestures don’t work on you so he’s gonna be more subtle

-Would slightly hint that you are amazing every time you do something for him, like fetching him a book or something

-“Ah thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you love.”

-He’s a lot smoother than he gives himself credit for

-He just appreciates your existence and that there’s someone out there that he doesn’t need to be act hostile or fake toward

-Satan is ready to sit down and listen to you talk about your insecurities for hours on end

-You would quietly say something bad about yourself and he would run through the House of Lamentation before bursting into the room you are in, shouting ‘No! That’s wrong!’ (going Danganronpa on your asses)

-“Welp, I fucked up again. I can’t do anything right.”

-And then, in the distance you hear boss music starting

Asmo:

-*Shocked Gasp*

-How could you say such things about yourself???? Is that even leGAl?

-Of course, the literally prince of Lust, with all of his narcissism, has never experienced things like ‘self doubt’ of ‘bad self esteem’

-Pfft, the fuck is that?

-He only uses the most positive of words when he describes himself

-So obviously he almost falls off the bed when he hears you insulting yourself for the first time

-But ya know, that would leave bruises on his beautiful skin

-“Oh darling, you’re not annoying or a moron! You’re not anything like Mammon!”

-That was a below belt fatal hit, press f in the chat for the second eldest

-At some point, he just genuinely believes you’ve been spending too much time with Levi and that his negativity started rubbing off on you

-But then you tell him you’ve always been like this and he almost has a crisIS

-He’s like ‘Haha, no, we’re going to get a spa day out tomorrow and a few shopping sprees so I can prove to you that you are magnificent in every way imaginable.’

-Asmo loves pampering you in general but on the days he sees you feeling extra sorry for yourself, he goes above and beyond

-Gets very hurt when you brush off his compliments because he just wants you to accept the fact that you’re beautiful

-He’s like a supportive mom lmao, whenever you’re feeling self doubtful, he goes “You’re doing great sweetie, keep it up I’m really proud of you.”

-It’s up to you to decide whether that helps or not

-He’s such a sweetheart in reality, it’s hard to remember that he’s supposed to be horny all the time

-Well he is but that’s not the point, you’re way more important

-Asmo is so much fun to write cuz I can make him so dramatic it’s hilarious

Beel:

-Oh no :(

-He gets very sad everytime you self deprecate yourself

-You can’t do it with him in the room because he’s going to start crying and give you this kicked puppy stare, it will break your heart

-Beel kinda comes over and goes “If I give you some of my food will you please stop saying bad things about yourself? Because it’s not true.”

-Well you can’t say no to that face

-He feels like it’s his fault you’re this self doubtful even though you’ve tried to explain to him you’ve always been like this

-He goes crying to his twin half the time because he doesn’t know what to do

-“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to drop it! Fucking hell, I’m such a fucking klutz.”

-“Sniffle no you’re not.”

-He’s like, giving you large portions of his food now

-Because food makes him happy so he wants you to be happy too

-🙂

-His brothers go in shock every time because the only other person Beel has ever shared his food with before was Belphie

-Physical affection goes through the roof with this guy

-Bone crushing hugs btw

-Your self worth is so immeasurable with him, you can’t even measure it

-W h o a

-I’m being serious, don’t talk badly about yourself in front of him unless you want to be hugged into next week

-You are a literal angel in his eyes, of course he thinks highly of you

-He’s just hoping his presence isn’t making your self esteem worse, that’s the thing that keeps him up at night

-Idk why but he does think that he is a bad influence on your mental well being since he’s a demon

-Beel gives you compliments all the time and it confuses him when you laugh them off uncertainly because he wasn’t joking or lying??

-He’s always supportive of your choices and encourages you to be more confident

-The same way you show your support everytime you come to his games to cheer him on

-Overall, he just wants you to feel special and appreciated

-Because you deserve it

-IneedmyselfaBeel

Belphie:

-He feels like absolute shit

-Becuase he’s well aware he‘s called you a few...not so nice words in the past

-Back then, he only thought he meant everything he said but now that he’s hearing you accept his insults and actually repeating them yourself?

-It hurts his brain and he wants to smash his head against all four walls of the room for being such a cretin

-You do tell him it’s not exactly his fault you think so badly of yourself

-But he still believes he fueled it

-So now he needs to fix it

-He’s tried everything and I mean everything

-It’s kinda working, slow progress is made which he’s really happy about but you know, it’s gonna take a while

-He finally settles on physical affection as the best way to communicate his gratefulness for you being youself

-Oh, he wasn’t hugging you before? He is now, get your ass next to him and let him cuddle you

-Handholding has increased by 69% in the last month, sorry for the loss of your right hand with how much he squeezes it

-Sometimes, he can’t help but a throw an insult at you in a playful manner, because he’s an asshole

-But he always makes sure you understand that he was just joking

-He’s such a little shit, you would be having a chat with him and you would subtly drop a insult at yourself hoping he wouldn’t notice

-But then he stops dead in his tracks, kisses you, says “Shut up, you’re stunning” and then he goes right back to the previous conversation like nothing happened

-Accept his compliments damn it otherwise he will continue to bug you about it for the rest of the day

-He’s an eboy and he’s a dickhead a times, but he just goes soft for you tbh

-If you’re feeling really bad about yourself, he won’t even say anything

-He will just big spoon you for the next 24 hours, good luck going to the bathroom or any meals during that time

-Because once you’re in his grip, you’re not getting out that easily

-He gets so pissy if anyone says something even slightly negative about you to your face

-One time, a random demon called you stupid in one of the classes at RAD and he was like ‘bïtch excuse me what?’

-Snapped his head around at him and everything

-He would have done something worse but he was lazy and feeling really petty

-So Belphie kicked him in the privates from under his desk like a damn spoiled brat

-And then he turned his head back to you, all smiles and rainbows and puppies

-I’m simping so hard for a fictional character wtf

-I had to write more protective Belphie cuz I can’t find anything of the sort anymore and I need flUFF

(Haha, I don’t know what this post is, my writing has officially taken a shit lmao. Sorry this took so long to finish, I kept going back to edit all of them)

Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #⭐️ requests #🌸 comfort #☂️ demon brothers

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lostsoulaltair · 3 years

Text

OnS Theories (23S). First Theory and Analsys - Urd and Rigr. The past and the future. Forgotten Present

Hello everyone, after so long, I welcome you to a new theory, I must say that after a long break, it feels nice to return to update theories. (To be honest, I’ve been busy with stuff, this time I wish it was slacking but it comes between getting busy along a bit of feeling not so motivated, but anyways, let’s pull through these theories to the very end!)

I hope everyone’s alright, make sure to stay healthy dear readers!

P.S: Theories are held within a neutral view and ships are excluded.

“People lament that there is always a precedent for trying something new. But everything that the future brings will be similar to something from the past. But nothing like the present will ever come again, nor has it ever existed “

-Kouhei Kadono, Inside the Apocalypse Castle

Back in the chapter analysis, I focused on the characters that made its appearance after so long, which of course, are the vampire Progenitors; of course, within this, there’s such a quote that truthfully applies to the main two Progenitors that took different paths, who do I mean?

Correct. Those are Rigr Stafford and Urd Geales.

But, what does the quote above have to do with them?

It’s well known that humans alone seek progress, they envision the future as promising, but, within the story, this is something that it’s not only applied to humans but vampires too, what do I mean?

Rigr Stafford - Saito: Vampire living in the future

Rigr Stafford who is better known as Saito is a fine example of that and that’s heavily reflected on the latest chapter:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 105

The very first thing Rigr understood within the amount of time he spent with Urd as the remaining two Progenitors that sticked together was, “what was the purpose of staying?”

The question alone seems like a rebellious phase even to some extend, but in fact, there’s something else behind; just like he stated after this panel, he envisioned an Utopia for vampires, but why?

That’s because the First Progenitor, by the time he sired the very first vampires, he made illusions for them, promising dreams that were a possibility but just like the phrase “Sometime it snows in April”, when a possibility is presented, it depends a lot how it’s handled down; in this case, all the vampires believed there would be an endless dream, a perfect world that is labeled as Utopia which at the very end, it ended up disappearing without notice.

But now, you might wonder, what does this have to do with him seeing the “future”?

Rigr didn’t want to stay behind and remain stuck with the old times, he wanted a change, he wanted answers; he wasn’t satisfied with the current life he had; and thus, he decided to leave, but within this, there’s something curious, what do I mean?

Among all the vampires that don’t know why they exist, that question their existance, Rigr technically bestowed his brother, another second Progenitor the key to what defined a human, what could it be?

Correct:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 105

Indeed, Rigr gave Urd a reason to live even if it meant making him have a negative view towards him for abandoning him after the First did. And thus, this was the first stone Rigr set into the future, and with the flow of time, he reached the current self, the one that diistortioned its own body in order to defeat the threat of the world, which is no less than the First Progenitor.

But why do I state that even between the two Progenitors there’s a forgotten present?

Before that, let’s talk about Urd.

Urd Geales: Vampire living in the past

Urd is well known to represent order which is something considered by many such as @black-sapphire57 , @mikaisyuudere, and @sonali6661.

But even still, even if Urd is a figure that decided to take care of the vampires, that decided to shoulder the responsibility the First had:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 105

There’s something rather interesting within Urd, what do I mean?

Urd Geales despite being a character that shows discipline, along the authority figure he is towards the Vampire Society, Urd is the type that doesn’t accept changes well, what do I mean?

After the First Progenitor decided to leave the Vampire Council along with his Apostles or chosen ones, the vampire society he managed to create entered in a phase of negation, expecting the First to eventually return and take them with him, but even with such dream, the First Progenitor never came back until 1 000 years later when he gave away his presence:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 74

Urd Geales took full responsibility of the Vampires that eventually left by their own, he might have designed them which territory to rule underground, without the sight of humans along the laws that were made by him and Rigr many years ago; and, within this, it wasn’t needed to say that many vampires thought the same as Urd; they were afraid of changes, they treasured a lot the past that used to be their lifestyle, even if it was a different path from humanity, they enjoyed their carefree life, that time wasn’t something that could worry them, the fact they had their sire with them to guide them against the world.

And the very fact that an opportunity of “change” presents, it has been reflected with doubt and a discret fear:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 68

Back in the old chapters when Urd, Ky and Lest attempted to interrogate Krul Tepes, they had a small clash of ideals, what do I mean?

Correct. For Krul, the ways and methods they dealt with the problems were obsolete to the point that even if they tried to find a solution, in fact, they wouldn’t; which, to surprise of many, the first one to take the step of taking action was Ky Luc.

This only allowed the other Progenitors to proceed into knowing what exactly happened in the past that was unkonwn to them along the actions they could take for the future that was bound to come.

But now, what do I mean by statingthat both Urd and Rigr have forgotten the present?

This question might seem to some point confusing but in fact, it’s rather simple; what do I mean?

Both Urd and Rigr decided to stay or choose their respective ideals; they decided what it was best for their own.

In Urd’s case, he considered that remaining the same way as the Vampire Council was made, was the best way to keep order, to keep old traditions and costumes in order; but, time never forgives, time keeps flowing despite inmortality, everything changes around the world, and this was something the Vampire Progenitors that decided to abide the Rules noticed.

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 68

They noticed that the World made a drastic change; that humans weren’t the same compared to those they met millenia ago; in contrast, they entered to forbidden zones, they even touched taboos that which for them were considered acts of violation of the rules made by the First, Urd and Rigr.

In Rigr’s case, he considered that the First Progenitor didn’t leave just out of interest, but rather, he discovered the secrets he hid from the Progenitors, what he considered to do, his goals and ambitions that would eventually affect the World he once knew but, why did he take the risk if he was a vampire?

Despite being a vampire, and just like Ferid:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 91

Indeed, he was seeking for an answer to the same question most vampires ask, which is their reason to live and the meaning of life.

Furthermore, this discovery of how the world was dancing in the palm of the First was revealed in the World Resurrection at 19 LNs, when Guren finally had a time to speak with Rigr Stafford, along learning facts of how the First Progenitor dealt with the world and chose what would prevail and fall; all together with the fact on how Rigr himself altered the Ichinose DNA.

But once again, why is it that both forgot the present when they’re living it?

Forgetting the present isn’t something literal but rahter, if the mind aims for the future and dismisses everything that’s going around, then the answers for what the present beholds are eternally lost, what do I mean?

The Vampire Progenitors and Rigr Stafford have an enemy in common to some extend; in Rigr’s case, his main target is the First Progenitor yet he dismisses the fact that the JIDA has self awareness that the monster they’re fighting is the very same enemy Rigr pursuits; so it applies with the squad and the duo of Mahiru and Guren along the integration of Krul, Ferid and Crowley.

In Urd’s case, he still can’t acknowledge the very fact that the threat is the First Progenitor and this is, to some levels understandable, he was fond of something that was built millenia ago, he treasured what was built at such time until everything was laid on his shoulders.

Urd considers as threat humankind and depending on the answer, the First Progenitor along Rigr Stafford for walking into the forbidden, for abandoning his duties from the Vampire Council and most of all, for all the things he has done, altering many things such as his body along those who decided to follow him.

It is to say that this lack of visualization of the Present isn’t something that’ll be permanent, in fact, it can be said that chapters will escalate sooner or later, they’ll make the world reach its peak and breakdown which only leaves for a future truce between those who want to keep seeing a tomorrow and possibily, a goodbye for the everlasting lifespan they were granted.

What do you think dear readers?

Let me know!

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andraaste · 3 years

Text

I am not your enemy - Lance fanfiction part 12

Chapter 12 is heeeere ! It's been a long time, but I sincerely hope you will like it 💕💕💕

Chapter 12 : Aengels are the most powerful breed Eldarya has ever known

" My angel "

My heart skipped several beats at the hearing of this unexpected nickname. I tried to regain my composure as I looked away from his, squeezing my legs a little tighter against me.

- It should not be so bad, I just need to learn to use it again. I don't want to bother Eweleïn for so little, I say more to try to convince myself.

Without a word, Lance stood up and patiently extended his hand to me. I hesitated for a moment, realizing my nakedness under the sheets I held tightly, as well as the light that now dimly lit the room, but his calm gaze finally decided me to trust him. Nervously, I let go of the thin fabric to wrap my fingers around his, still clamping an arm around my chest as he guided me to the large mirror that adorned one of the walls of my bedroom. Gently grabbing my shoulders, he turned my back to it and, taking another from the cabinet, he slid it into my palm made slightly sweaty by the anxiety that was driving me. The lump in my stomach, I inhaled several long seconds while plunging into his calm gaze, in which I saw the support I needed to finally face what terrified me. But my breath caught in my throat as my eyes drifted to the small psyche between my fingers.

With horror, I discovered that the entire center of my back was covered with bruises ranging from yellow to dark purple, running from between my shoulder blades to the end of my rib cage. My skin seemed mutilated, totally bruised. Since when had this become so alarming ? Tracing long uneven and voluminous lines, two misshapen bumps indicated the shape of my wings which had remained stuck during my nightmare.

I couldn't understand it anymore, it was as if my body categorically refused the blood of faery in it.

These marks repelled me.

A tear fell down my cheek again without my being able to control it, dark thoughts invading my foggy mind. But what the hell was I doing here? I was clearly not an Eldaryan and my body had reminded me of this every day since I woke up from the Crystal!

Lost in the murky stream of my thoughts, I didn't notice the dragon moving in my direction. With a slow gesture, he surprised me by coming to capture with his cold fingers the salty taste which descended the slope of my cheek.

- Please don't cry Andraste, he said softly before pausing briefly, his face serious. I am sincerely sorry that I did not understand everything that was happening to you, but I promise you that we will find a solution to all of this.

His eyes, not letting go of me for a moment, expressed a determination familiar to him.

- And I'm sorry if I hurt you earlier.

- You couldn't have known, it's nothing, I said with a weak smile at his sheepish look. And then, it was I who literally jumped on you.

An amused pout appeared on his face, which relaxed me slightly.

- It's true, I couldn't do anything to defend myself. I was helpless.

I burst into a frank laugh that Lance didn't seem to want to miss. Grinning broadly, he grabbed my t-shirt sent to the corner of the room and approached me before pulling the collar over my head.

- Let's go to sleep now, it's late.

I put the top wisely under his gentle gestures. Walking towards the bed, I watched curiously as he turned off the light.

Was he going to stay with me tonight ?

Slipping under the sheets, I felt him with some relief join me in the bed. Turned in his direction, I remained stoic not quite knowing what to do. Granted, we had kissed, but what about now that the moment was over ?

Answering my internal questions, Lance grabbed one of my hands and rested it on his chest, crossing his long fingers with mine.

My God, I didn't dare to move.

He then slipped an arm under his neck and lost himself for a moment in contemplating the ceiling. I took the opportunity to observe him. In the surrounding darkness, I could tell the white scar that marked his right nose. I detailed his features, both thin and hard, before dwelling on his full mouth.

I could still smell the fresh taste of his lips on mine.

Catching me off guard, he suddenly brought my hand to his face and kissed it, as light as a feather.

- Goodnight, my Angel.

I smile stupidly at the hearing of this nickname which I was already taking a liking to.

For the first time in several weeks, I think I finally fell asleep with peace of mind, slight tingling running through our palms coiled against each other.

***

Sitting on the infirmary's auscultation table, I nervously clenched and unclenched my fists on my removed garment as I guessed Eweleïn's eyes watching me quietly, her fingers tracing the same path as the dragon's for a few hours earlier. A violent shiver ran through me when she touched the sensitive part of my back, making me close my eyelids in the face of the shame that overwhelmed me due to my pitiful physical state. I couldn't stand those looks that reminded me of my alarming weakness.

Straightening up, my nurse sas silent for several long seconds, further increasing my stress level. The elf walked around the table and stood in front of me, looking serious.

- Andraste, why didn't you come to see me earlier ? she asked me, her tone both soft and bossy.

What could I answer ? That I was once again too fragile, too weak to bear the weight of my own origins ?

- I don’t know. At first it wasn't so alarming, but then...

I don’t finish my sentence. In truth, I had no excuse. I had only closed my eyes to the situation, no longer able to bear to appear so weak in the eyes of others as well as my own. It was grueling...

- You know that this is not your fault ? she said to me, reading me like an open book. You've lived as a human much longer than you did during Freezing, and all that time spent in the Crystal has completely disrupted your metabolism. It's not weakness, it's just your body trying to adjust.

- But why was it that before, I managed to use my powers and my wings naturally ? I almost got carried away. I hadn't been on Eldarya for a long time, yet it didn't hurt like it does now.

- I know my dear, she said with a sad look. You'll have to get your body used to it all again. I think your wit has a lot to do with it, too.

She pulled up a chair and sat down across from me, her slow, gentle movements decidedly appeasing me despite the circumstances.

- You just woke up after seven years of absence and you realize that people have erected you to the rank of goddess savior of their world. Isn't it quite normal to feel too much pressure from others ? The Crystal Hall, even since you both woke up, has become a hall of worship. In addition, you have experienced events that are very hard to bear psychologically speaking. You need to move forward at your own pace and I think your body is trying to make you understand it subconsciously.

I pondered her words. It was true that I felt the weight of people's gaze and that I no longer felt at all comfortable in the presence of people. I felt like something was constantly expected of me, that I had to show them that I was the one they had been praying for over the past few years. That I was worthy of their expectations.

Except that I was none of that. I had certainly fought Lance and had the blessing of the Oracle, but what more did I have as a person ?

Nothing. I had nothing more.

- Lance told me that you were able to use your powers again. It's a very good thing, soon you will be able to stick your wings out like a perfect aengel, believe me.

A gentle smile lit up her face as a result of those words. I wanted her to tell me the truth. That one day, I can feel this faery part in me as naturally as my human part.

Except that it wasn’t won.

The elf plunged her eyes into mine again and, grabbing my hands, she grabbed my attention.

- Honey, as far as we know, the aengels are the most powerful race Eldarya has ever known. You probably have a power so powerful inside you that you automatically reject it, but when you have learned to harness it, I can guarantee that you will finally feel completely yourself. I know how much you doubt yourself right now, and it's completely understandable given the reactions of your body, but I know that you will get better very quickly and learn to deal with your new condition.

She then slowly let go of my hands and stood up nimbly. Deep inside me, her words touched me more than I expected. I was amazed at how true she was about my condition and the way I see things now. Eweleïn was truly the most amazing person I knew.

- But for now, I'm going to give you a cream that will soothe your muscles and your back tension, she finally concluded.

Walking towards a table containing various creams and medicines, she grabbed a jar containing a mixture probably of her own making and, standing behind me, she spread with her delicate fingers the cold product all over the affected area of my back. The elf was right, the concoction immediately relaxed my tight skin, easing the pressure pulsing on my muscles.

- Thank you Eweleïn, I breathed calmly. I don't know how I will do without you.

- Indeed, I wonder how you would do without me, she laughs sincerely. You can go now, but you'll have to come back tomorrow for me to see the healing progress.

Replacing my clothes on my back made sticky by the cream, I was about to get up when the elf stopped my gesture.

- For the resorption of your wings, I'm sorry but I can't do anything more. It will probably be a while before this phenomenon stops, but I understand that Lance has volunteered for your training. You know, he has wings too, maybe he can help you with that problem.

At the utterance of the dragon's first name, a diffused heat ran through my stomach. I could feel my heart race as a thin smile stretched the lips of my interlocutor.

I was sure she suspected something. Nothing seemed to escape this woman, especially not my emotions.

With a much lighter heart, I closed the door to the infirmary behind me and huffed loudly. Despite everything, this interview with Eweleïn had done me the greatest good. I felt relieved, as if weighed down by a weight that had choked me for days.

Walking down the hall, I heard noise coming from the side of the Council Chamber. Catching my gaze, I found Nevra standing not far from me. The vampire walked in my direction, making my heart beat even faster.

- Hello, Andraste. Are you coming out of the infirmary again ?

My teeth gritted at his remark, to say the least, out of place, I was a little too upset to argue with him today.

- Hello, Nevra, I replied defensively. What is this sudden interest in my presence worth to me ? You seemed to rather avoid me, these last few weeks.

Blown away by my answer, he exhaled loudly before visibly trying to ease the tension.

- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.

- It's funny, I just thought that you were trying to be disagreeable. Finally, it is probably me who wins me again.

Turning on my heels, I started down the stairs when the vampire's hand grabbed my wrist.

- They weren't empty words, Andraste. I am really sorry.

I remained resolutely turned towards the hall of the room of the doors, not wishing to face his gaze when I already felt my tears ready to resurface. I really had to work on my emotional management.

- It's not the first time you've apologized, yet we're still at the same point, I said weakly. Let me go, please.

Despite my request, the young man didn’t move a millimeter. I felt he wanted to add something, but what ? He finally resolved to let go, changing his attitude yet again.

- Your bodyguard isn't with you, this time ?

I felt all the bitterness in his voice. No, he was not allowed to play it to me like that, not after all the animosity he had offered me after my waking up.

- At least, he doesn't spend his time pretending I don't exist.

Without a glance in his direction, I hurtled down the steps to the forge. I really needed to externalize all the conflicting feelings that were literally eating me up. I had to let off steam, find something to relieve myself.

Slamming the door open, I slammed into a chest that I now knew pretty well.

Lance grabbed my arm before I found myself knocked down by the force of his body.

- Everything all right, Andraste?

No, it wasn't.

Why did I want to kiss him every damn time I saw him ?

(Chapter 13)

#eldarya #eldarya new era #i am not your enemy #eldarya lance #eldarya fanfic #eldarya writing #writing #beemoov #ashkore #lance eldarya #lance

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flickeringart · 3 years

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Pisces Sun and Moon Combinations

Planets represent different energetic principals in the life of an individual – the signs show what filter these energies express through.

Having an inner planet (or luminary) in the sign of Pisces gives the personality receptivity, a boundless quality. No matter what other placements the person has, the passive and intuitive nature is going to come through.

To simplify;

The Sun represents individuation, ideal self-expression and conscious self-actualization.

The Moon represents instinct, emotional nature and personal needs.

Pisces Sun – Virgo Moon

The personal path of self-actualization is trailed with surrender. There’s great sensitivity, which if kept within a limited ego-structure threaten to drown the person. Life might seem threatening and vicious, there’s a desire to up-hold the belief in love but when adversity gets too real, the person might snap in the name of preserving goodness. The person is unwilling to forgive certain things, but they’re also incapable of holding toxic grudges for long. It does nothing but to prolong suffering and Pisces Suns can’t stand to be in atmosphere of friction. They are very forgiving in their evolved state, however, if they’re not, they might justify cruel behavior by reinterpreting it as mercy or care. “This person needs to learn a lesson and I am going to be the good person to teach them” might be the attitude. Needless to say, it can turn extremely manipulative. The personal comfort are very much dependent on keeping one’s life in check. The person craves order and puts faith in the intellectual faculties to feel in control. Getting one’s life on track is a pressing need, which is not a bad thing unless the details gain utmost importance and the big picture is lost. The person is more likely to trust people who are efficient and willing to adapt – it’s how they show their care and how they would choose to be nurtured in turn. Although there’s a tendency to get bogged down in the mundane and day-to-day routines, a proclivity to focus on what must be put in order - there’s also an awareness of the vast backdrop of the undifferentiated realm. The person might turn critical and nit-picky when needs aren’t met, but the overall personality is soft and giving. There’s great compassion for the self in it’s limited scope and ideally an understanding of the transcendent realm. The person might be a diligent worker but prone to get overwhelmed and stressed. Crowds, disorderly environments and chaos would take a toll on the emotional integrity but the person might keep quiet about it and be a bit ashamed to admit to this kind of sensitivity. Confusion makes the person feel very uneasy and unsafe emotionally, but in terms of identity it’s fine for them to be less concrete, more diffuse and undifferentiated. Personality wise, the person is more of an artist. Instinctively, the person is more of an intellectual.

Pisces Sun – Sagittarius Moon

Emotionally, there’s restlessness and a need to move about, to try out new things and experience as much as possible. While there’s a hot and fiery temperament to this individual, the overall personality wants to get lost and to be immersed in life as intimately as possible. The person throws themselves into experiences that hold the promise of consumption and freedom. The two might seem incompatible and to a certain extent they are. On the one hand there’s the transcendent perspective of everything being unreal and therefore equally worthy of reverence – the world is beautiful no matter what state is in and one sees no need to judge or define. On the other, the spirit sees potential for expansion and is not satisfied with passivity. Life is important and it should be pursued passionately through the highs and the lows. There’s definitely some friction that is felt within the person relative to these things. One is a passive victim but the victimhood is not void of meaning. There’s an optimist that lives within and it insist on adopting a casual attitude. The person craves constant movement and stimulation; they won’t sit around and dwell for long. There’s more to discover and find beyond the horizon. Having a good time and engaging in exciting activities is a must with a Sagittarius Moon – there must be something to look forward to, there has to be plans for trips, events or future happenings. With this combo, the person is prone to live in their bubble – to emotionally latch on to things and crave stimulation. It could easily be taken overboard if there’s no inner factor that works for caution and restriction. The person would want to take a large mouthpiece of life, to devour it with arrogance yet looking a bit zoned out while it’s all carried out. In general, Pisces Suns could benefit for surrounding themselves with more fixed or cardinal individuals to ground them and provide direction occasionally since they tend to plunge the emotional depths quite often. That being said, Pisces is really the sign that contains everything and is too mutable to get to. This is a great strength as much as it’s a great weakness. If one is can learn accommodate for separateness and unity at the same time one is on the right track.

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Pisces Sun – Pisces Moon

The person is the embodiment of a lucid dream. Looking into their eyes would be like looking into a deep well. Things are moving in the depths, they shift from dark to light yet one can see a mirrored image of the clouds in the sky on surface because it’s so reflective. There’s gentleness and softness and naiveté to the person, but somehow the thick mists of something else comes through. There’s unpredictability and a subtle uncertainty about the person. “Such a sweet person can’t hurt a fly” some would say, and ultimately they would be right – in a dream scape nothing can really be hurt because nothing is real. However, in a dream that feels very real to many people (physical reality), it is possible to experience real pain. This is where this person can cause real harm because they seek to merge. Sometimes it’s not the overt confrontations that are the most deadly, it’s the suffocating enmeshment labeled “love” that can passively and aggressively drown people out. A lot of covertly violent behavior can be justified through the Piscean lens although it’s usually unconscious. On a more positive note, the connection to the personal and collective unconscious could translate into inspired works of art. The person could be skilled at accurately reflecting the emotions of the times and provide humanity with something that is helpful and insightful. The person might think of himself or herself as more of a channeling vessel and avoiding taking individual credit for things that flow through. The logic of this person might not be completely comprehensible to people with a predominant intellectual temperament, but that doesn’t mean that the person isn’t intelligent. Intelligence is not exclusively reserved to the intellect. The intuitive abilities are likely very strong and they could be extremely informative and rich in value. One should be aware of confusing fantasies, feelings and projections with real intuitive guidance though. There’s likely to be a progression in navigating the emotional realm over time. Learning what to trust could be difficult, but the more the person self-actualizes throughout life, the surer one becomes. World-weariness and a longing for something ultimately true could prevail throughout life. There’s a feeling of having come to an end after many lifetimes, and one might finally be able to let go of all attachments to existence.

Pisces Sun – Gemini Moon

The emotional nature craves interaction with the environment. Without being able to engage in an intellectual exchange the person feels dissatisfied and unfulfilled. Having the opportunity to have fun and communicate with people is what lies at the core of the person’s emotional well-being. Mentally stimulating subjects or people are high up on the priority list whether the person knows it or not. The best solution to emotional discomfort according to the person could be to just change the subject, distract oneself or hang out with others to avoid being alone and isolated. Mental movement is what the person thinks keeps them afloat, but it’s really just an avoidance tactic. Over time the person would hopefully learn to be comfortable with solitude. The overall personality is quite receptive and absorbing which makes overload a likely situation. The person might try to cope by rationalizing and intellectualizing experiences, but with a Pisces Sun, it won’t work. The person’s path of individuation is supposed to go in the direction of feeling, of empathy and a genuine appreciation of all of life. This might prove a bit contradictory to the intellectual temperament, which is inclined to live life through keeping active and occupied with playing little tricks and making little jokes. The person’s emotional nature is the personification of a “naughty teenager” – too young to have any moral compass yet is fully capable to using the mind to get what they want. The double mutable combo makes it difficult for the person to define himself or herself definitely; life is movement, whether it’s mental or emotional. Life is not only in constant fluctuation, it is also double-sided and multi faceted. The person might have many faces within to choose from. Closeness could be a dilemma since the emotional nature is a bit wary of permanent binds that can grow stagnant while the path of self-actualization calls for intimacy and unconditional love. The conscious identity might claim that “I see myself in you and I want to be with you”, while the more unconscious lunar needs might recoil from the statement and find it too sentimental. The person might experience a dynamic where the more romantic identity is constantly criticized by an inner voice of sarcasm a wit. This could be very frustrating. In general, the person is very sensitive to the words of others in particular and the thoughts that run through the mind.

Pisces Sun – Taurus Moon

This combo produces a serene and deep personality. The basic needs revolve around being able to control one’s physical environment, to create comfort and sensory satisfaction for oneself. Being a good and solid physical entity in the world is what the person craves emotionally. Personality wise, the person is a dreamer, a soul before a body, and a soul before a thought. One might not derive a sense of self from one’s material welfare or stability, but it is certainly a pressing need in the person’s life. Identity wise, the person is quite passive as is characteristic of Pisces, but this doesn’t mean that he or she is weak. There’s a romanticism and idealism to the person that has an enchanting effect on the environment – people are drawn to the sweetness and innocence of the intangible that the person represents. A Taurus Moon loves to feel attractive, maybe not for their emotions but for their body and physical presence. Never the less it works well on both levels. Taurus likes to be in control of value and Pisces appreciates anything remotely close to an epic love encounter. The person is likely very sensual and feminine. There would be a stubborn streak imbedded in the adaptable and receptive personality, a need to live a simple but an honest life with integrity. This might work well with the path of self-actualization if the person can allow themselves to lean on others sometimes and not carry the load of living all by themselves. Instinctively, there’s the tendency to take control and be possessive and demonstrative. It’s wise to let intuition be one’s guide occasionally and not get blinded by routine. The art that this person should develop is to shift and change without fear, to allow for unscheduled breakthroughs and breakdowns and roll with them. It might make the person uncomfortable, but it is necessary to not get stuck in resistance. Too strong of an identification with the body and tangible reality could make the person cut off from the psychic realm and one might have to consciously work on opening up one’s eyes to the richness of the unconscious. On the flip side, too much identification with the psychic realm could make the person indifferent to instinctual needs and prone to gloss over the importance of physical safety.

Pisces Sun – Leo Moon

The instinctual nature is bold, dramatic and attention seeking. There’s a lot of energy to the emotional nature that doesn’t escape anyone’s notice. Pride and stubbornness could show up occasionally when the mood hits, otherwise the emotions are warm and inclusive. Everyone should be invested in one’s emotional happenings, in this person’s opinion, but it is rarely the case so the last resort is to demand attention. The person will feel very uncomfortable in his or her emotional displays because it is not what is sought or idealized. The identity is thriving of off embodying the undifferentiated, the background to the foreground. It’s a passive identity that stems from seeing the whole in the limited and loving the limited just as much as the whole. The egocentric drama of the emotional nature is too bold and dominant for the Piscean identity, it’s out of place and incongruent with the path of individuation. The personal needs are, however, not able to change or compromise. They’re impossible to suppress or reject without making the whole individual suffer, which is why the loving attitude of a Pisces Sun will have to accommodate for the need to stir things up, exaggerate and create a fuss around the emotional fluctuations. Emotions are very personal to this individual – preferably, the world should revolve around them. It’s important to develop a mature sense of self since the emotional nature will remain the equivalent of a child with a god complex that likes to boast about personal talents and skills. With detachment and compassion one can parent one’s emotional needs and give them healthy outlets. This combo lends itself to creativity, romance and artistry – perhaps even showmanship. The person craves entertainment and it would be a great way to satisfy the Piscean preference for fantasy and other-worldliness. One should be aware of the proclivity to use play and enjoyment as an escape – overindulging is never a good idea. That being said, it’s ok to live through one’s creations and be guided through inspiration. Beautiful creations that are emotionally and energetically potent could emanate if there’s enough room in the person’s life for spontaneity and feeling.

Pisces Sun – Scorpio Moon

The identity is striving toward transcendence and divine bliss. It’s a private and personal journey undoubtedly, the Scorpio nature has a strong self-focus of protection which would serve to isolate the person somewhat. Shutting the blinders to the world and retreating into an inner cave is what this person would prefer to do. The world might seem tough and inhospitable, yet it is loved immensely because one can’t bear to invest in fear over “God”. However, on a more unconscious, emotional level, there’s nothing that doesn’t justify attack to this person. The instinctual nature is quite primitive in it’s expression and might demand control. If the person isn’t aware of this side of themselves, the instinctual needs of power might disguise itself as a honorable quest for peace when it’s really just about achieving immunity to life. A Scorpio Moon is never invested in something out of purely altruistic motives – the fear of being used, abused and deceived is too great. This fear compels them to want to get the upper hand by “decoding” the complexity of reality, to see through the façade of innocence as to uncover the dirt underneath. No one is fully trusted which might cause him or her to turn to life (God, the universe, the divine) itself as an abstract source for comfort. A Pisces Sun has a predominately romantic outlook on life, whereas the Scorpio Moon leans in the direction of suspicion and apprehension. Emotional overwhelm is not unlikely but rather than it being wholly used for surrender it would could act as fuel for resentment and hatred. The person is likely to have little patience with ignorant and thoughtless people who think they have the “right” to behave however they want. There’s something ruthlessness about the person that might not surface until there’s actual danger present. There’s immense bravery and cold-headedness in crises. Outside of situations that require immediate action there’s a sweet personality that can be a bit shy, introverted and appreciative of solitude. There’s a great capacity for emotional endurance and resiliency that shouldn’t be underestimated. There’s dedication and seriousness to the lofty quest for eternity and love.

Pisces Sun – Aquarius Moon

There’s a whole other world outside of convention, and this is where this person can be found – up in the clouds and down in the depths of the ocean. What the mundane and human has to offer is not really worth much in and of itself, it’s nice to look upon as a phenomenon, but it’s not what is ultimately treasured. There can be appreciation for the mundane, but only in the light of a higher quest. Everything is divine creation and life is beautiful, but it can also feel like physical life is an exile from perfection and a separation from an original source. Emotionally, there’s a kind of general intimacy that is felt with the human condition. Everyone goes through the same thing more or less and the shared experience is beautiful – with sufficient analysis and understanding of one’s needs there’s nothing that can’t be overcome and used as raw material for progression. Feelings are abstract with this person and are not used for the purpose of creating an identity. Paradoxically, the instinct is quite intellectual and feelings are processed from the standpoint of a mental ideal rather than expressed with the backing of identity. The person can come off as cool and detached while delivering all sorts of preachy speech about how things ought to be, ideally. There��s little room for imperfection, and even if there are imperfections they are coolly understood from a distance. The mental plane is never personal, although it accommodates for the personal. The overall path of individuation is trailed with the longing for redemption. The instinct would be to look to society and people to find where things might have gone wrong, but one should take care as to not blindly choose a scapegoat or be too quick to judge something as bad just because it doesn’t fit with one’s idea of bliss. The person has a lot of compassion and love to offer, but it might be done from a more global identification rather than a personal one. The person would definitely be more comfortable on a general level rather than a personal and intimate level. However, even if love is expressed in person, it’s a universal love that is more of a symbol than actual feeling. The person might find that emotions are creating moods that color the person’s whole reality. They’re more like big waves than little tides and there’s no choice but to surrender to them and navigating from a space of allowing. Fighting won’t do this person any good and there’s probably an intuitive knowing that this is the case.

Pisces Sun – Capricorn Moon

There’s something very calming about this combo, even though it will have it’s stressors and overwhelms. The person is self-actualizing through loosing the rigid boundaries of the ego structure and being intuitively guided through life without imposing a separate sense of self. This doesn’t come without it’s challenges because if there’s ego left, there will be the perception of having to make sacrifices in the name of love and overall goodness. However, there’s the potential for being led through life seamlessly if conscious surrender can be achieved, without there being any hate directed at physical and psychic boundaries. In truth, the limited that appears in the unlimited is not really limited at all. Even though there’s receptiveness and softness to the personal identity, the emotional nature is quite restrained. There’s pressure to perform and live up to one’s potential, there’s a demand for conformity and duty, to provide something concrete and estimable in spite of innate insufficiencies. The person has an inner disciplinarian that won’t allow for complete satisfaction – ever. There’s futility embedded in the person’s temperament, a kind of pessimism that seeks to be cured through ambition. Human existence is a pitiful thing to behold; it presents a lose-lose scenario that points to the development of character as the only hope of redemption. The person is essentially put between a rock and a hard place – to try and or give up and lose the self to cynicism. Emotions are habitually suppressed with a Capricorn Moon, which causes them to come out in uncontrollable bursts or through bodily symptoms. The skepticism and selfishness of the inner temperament is just as much a recipe for societal success as it is for unhappiness. “I only do what will bring me status” is the dark side of this Moon. The tendency of Pisces to play the victim could play in to this dynamic and make it a toxic cocktail. To play on the heartstrings of people while carrying out purely self-serving actions could serve to reach the height of manipulation. The task is to dismantle the shame around failure and face the emotions of weakness. The ambitious strivings might never go away, but they can serve to honor the self instead of compensating for the self.

Pisces Sun – Aries Moon

Summarized in one statement, this person would be “the impulsive dreamer”. There’s a warrior spirit living inside the personality of a mystic. Needless to say, the incompatibility of these energies could be felt quite strongly. There’s a thick and bittersweet romanticism to the identity, world-weariness and a longing for relief from the burdens of life. There’s nothing more to be done, there’s little desire accept to make oneself and others feel connected, if not merged. The person wants to blend with something that is unlimited, to taste a little bit of freedom through pushing the limits. There’s a fiery temper that needs to be let-out, and if one is not careful it might turn self-destructive. There’s a strong sense of self that lies at the core of the emotional nature and it needs to assert itself. However, the Piscean identity might not be up for honest confrontation and outbursts and flaming anger is not in the least bit empowering. However, the identity can learn to use the powerful emotions in creative ways. By acting powerless and at the mercy of one’s own temper it’s possible to identify as a victim, which fits the Piscean profile to a T. Alternatively, one could use the warrior spirit to be a savior and a hero in other people’s lives, which fits the Pisces personality equally well. One should beware that one has a lot of energy and take care as to how it is discharged. This combo has the potential for love that is demonstrative and assertive, but there’s always the risk of blurring the lines between assertion and aggression – especially with a Piscean identity. Cruelty can be mercy, and mercy can be cruelty, what is what can be a little bit unclear. The Arien instinct is to act fast and impulsively, which might cause damage. The person is then pressed to restore the identification of innocence, shattered by the violent and “immature” behavior that was let out, unwillingly. In an attempt to do this there could be all sorts of manipulative blame shifting and justifications taking place. Instead of coping with it like this it is wise to own one’s potent emotions and recognize their power. An Aries Moon is not bad, although it’s quite direct, and the identity will have to accommodate for the more anti-social aspects of the feeling nature. Disruption doesn’t have to contradict harmony; it is sometimes just as healthy as passivity. Someone has to stir the pot and stand up for some kind of ideal even if it’s uncomfortable.

Pisces Sun – Cancer Moon

There’s a strong proclivity to shut the world out and get everything done from inside of one’s own private sphere. The intangible is familiar to this person and it’s equally real as anything else. There could be a lot of fear circling the person’s unconscious and conscious mind, intrusive thoughts and emotions could arise spontaneously and threaten to overwhelm the being. On one level the person is ok with being at the mercy of something bigger but on another there’s a deep need for protection against the unconscious. The wiser the person gets, the more value can be found in flowing with the tides. However, with an undeveloped ego it might be too much to navigate the experiences. This is why it’s very important to develop a separate self within the all-encompassing self, or connect to the all-encompassing within the little self. If this is done, there’s nothing to be feared anymore and one can live life to the fullest. The person’s emotions are the embodiment of a woman on her period (and this analogy applies to men as well). Irrational worries, cravings for specific things, hot and cold moods, clinginess and passive aggressiveness, and the list go on. Sudden exclamations of love could be followed by resentment and anxiety. However, there’s a capacity for offering unconditional care and empathy. There’s an instinctual understanding of emotional and physical needs while the conscious identity is more idealistic and romantic. Love is divine, not primal in the person’s eyes – yet the pull to have a physical home and the whole package of safety seems too be too pressing to ignore. It’s impossible to sacrifice everything for love – certain unconscious forces crave personal satisfaction and personal belonging. It is not enough to feel one with the universe or God. The Cancer Moon might instinctively want a home and a familial context to be satisfied and it could work well with the Piscean ideal and romanticism. The difficulty might lie in the effort it takes and the imperfections that come with the burdens of family life. The martyr complex might develop which might turn very toxic. The truth is that the person has enough to deal with regulating their own emotions and escapist tendencies. Individual strength is a necessary evil; it takes a lot of work for this person.

Pisces Sun – Libra Moon

There’s a strong focus on other people with this combo. Emotionally, there’s a thirst for balanced relationships, which causes an enhanced focus on what is happening with other people – what they’re doing and what they’re thinking. Appreciation of others comes naturally and is nothing the person has to work on. This being said, there’s a risk of desiring a world where everything is meticulously designed and perfected – which is bound to end up in disappointment. Nothing can really measure up to the standard that this person has set – it’s too fantastical. The divine could be sought through partnerships because the personal instinct is to navigate life through others. The path of self-actualization lies in the mystical quest for unity. Combining the two, one ends up with a person that is extremely idealistic and dependent on others to carry the self to new heights. The person can’t be without beauty; this is the most important component in life. To balance and adjust the atmosphere to suit one’s preferences is a constant work in progress. The restlessness and frustration that stems from not being able to make things be as one wants them to might not sit well with the Piscean identity. The divine essence shines through in everything, but the Libran perspective thinks that the divine is reached through modification and adjustment. Libra is the sign of the Arts, and art is form, first and foremost. The Piscean identity might claim that everything is art because nothing stands apart from the sublime source. Accepting everything as it is, is not an option for this person, even if the conscious identity might want it to be. Instinctually and unconsciously the person needs the new clothes, the pretty cake and the right music. Not to forget a socially estimable partner to cling to. Although the more instinctual needs are this superficial, the path of individuation is to see beyond form, to feel the aliveness within everything and merge with it yet remain separate without feeling disconnection from the greater Self. Life is an ongoing dance, yet it stands perfectly still at the same time. It’s fine to seek satisfaction in beauty, because it is not the ultimate, but it is expressed through it - as it is expressed through everything in existence.

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