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atruththatyoudeny · 1 year

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Happy 28th! Here are all the fics I read and loved this month:

Remember Me Before You | kingsofeverything | [293k] Desperate to find a new place to live after he comes home to find his boyfriend cheating, Harry moves into a loft with three strangers. A New Girl AU.

Eyes on the Horizon | yeah_alright | [12k] Freshly dumped, recently fired, and about to turn 40, Harry's friends insist on taking him skydiving to cheer him up. His younger and extremely fit instructor Louis makes him even more nervous than the idea of jumping out of a plane, but both may be exactly what he needs to turn his life around.

Late Night Talking | kingsofeverything | [54k] Louis Tomlinson has a new album coming out and a second world tour on the horizon. Promo season gets underway with a stop at Late Night Talking, the late night show hosted by Harry Styles, and Harry Styles just happens to be the man who blew a chance to date Louis a decade ago.

Unholy | wickedarcher_08 | [12k] When Harry Styles started acting different after his 26th birthday, Father Louis Tomlinson is the only one that may be able to save his soul. He has successfully performed exorcisms before. This should be easy. Until it isn't. Harry is more than he seems. The battle of wills test every bit of faith Louis has. And Harry? Well, he's just getting started. "Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."- Matthew 26:41.

Secrets, Santa? | indiaalphawhiskey | [20k] Right, okay, so Harry had confessed his deepest, darkest, dirtiest secrets to a stranger who turned out to be his boss. No big deal. This was probably just the beginning of Harry’s own hilariously heartwarming, wildly romantic Hallmark Christmas movie, come to life, right? …Right?

Moonlit Renault | softfonds | [38k] It's the early 20th century, and Louis Tomlinson learns just how much he is willing to do for a love that is considered wrong, but feels so right. A Maurice AU.

It's Thursday. Let's Get (un)Dressed. | bananaheathen | [9k] When Louis is peer-pressured into downloading TikTok over the holidays, he fully expects to hate it. And he does hate it. All of it. Well... except for aspiring OOTD influencer, @harrystyles.

Warm Chilling | Larry_you_know | [8k] Louis moves into a cosy cottage in the English countryside with his dog Clifford to look after his great-aunt's animals. His next door neighbour, Harry, is an eccentric young man who swims in the pond every morning, owns cats and chickens, grows his own vegetables and wears, according to Louis, grand-dad clothes. He's the opposite of Louis, who is a true city man and has tiny little troubles adjusting to life in the countryside. It's only a matter of time before Louis falls madly in love with his endearing neighbour.

baby, you're the end of june | disgruntledkittenface | [16k] “Up for it, Harold? We can go over the rundown when we get back. If you’re not busy then.” “Yeah, sounds good,” Harry says, closing his laptop and setting it on Louis’ desk. “It’s just Harry, though.” “You look like a Harold,” Louis says, standing up and brushing some brownie crumbs off his t-shirt. Harry briefly wonders how he’s still hungry for lunch after demolishing half the plate of brownies as he stands and moves into the hallway. “It’s the cardigan, I think.” “You guys can flirt on the way,” Niall says over his shoulder, beckoning for them to follow him as he strides down the row of cubicles. “Come on, I’m starving.” Harry looks at Louis, but he just laughs as they follow Niall. Oh. He thought he’d been picking up a vibe while they hung out, but apparently not. Well, it’s better to know how Louis feels now, so he can nip his growing crush in the bud. Louis is a great guy, at least they can be friends as well as coworkers. In which Harry courts Louis. Entirely by accident.

Something Blue & Someone New | littleroverlouis | [6k] Single Alpha Louis moves into a new apartment building and doesn't realize he misses courting someone until meeting his next door neighbor, a charming Omega named Harry. Louis is working up the nerve to officially ask him to court, but what if Harry secretly beats him to the punch?

These High Walls | LarryAlways28 | [69k] Harry Styles should have the world at his feet. Born to one of Seattle's wealthiest families, Harry was raised exactly as a Styles heir should be: sharp as a tack, witty, charming, and powerful. He was the ideal son - until he presented as an Omega. Now, barely a year after his old man dropped dead and running the family company, if he makes a mistake with the Tomlinson and Sons merger and acquisition, it's game over. ___ Louis Tomlinson is in over his head. After the tragic death of his older brother, Louis has no choice but to put his music career on hold and head back home to handle the family affairs. The family business is drowning and Louis doesn't know what to do. So... when the older, and wildly attractive Harry Styles offers him a deal in exchange for saving his family's legacy- how could Louis ever refuse that? But what happens when emotions get tangled and a good business deal turns into something much more powerful?

bitter ends turn sweet in time | me_her_themoon | [24k] “Are you…” Louis looks back down at the paper, voice almost getting caught in his throat, “Harry Styles?” Oh, fuck. Harry Styles.

Chicago | HelloLovers13 | [3k] They hadn't seen each other in four years, why was Louis still writing songs about Harry? Larry take on the song Chicago

I'm Weaker Without You | The_Halcyonic_Lachesist | [20k] Alpha Lord Louis Tomlinson is a rake who refuses to settle down. Will he settle down for the Society's most talked about Omega? What about the enticing scent that belongs to the Beta? How will he react to said Beta pursuing the Omega too?

Behind closed doors | bluegreenish | [10k] “You should ask that whoever he’s currently fucking.” Liam’s eyes grow wide. “No.” His tone is unbelieving, just like Louis’ would’ve been if you had told him what turn today would take. “Yes.” “How do you know?” Louis’ room mate’s eyes barely leave him as he tries to untie his shoes without looking. “Went to his dorm earlier, found a sock on his door handle. He’s such an arsehole.” or, the one where omega Louis finds a sock on alpha Harry's door handle that causes a big misunderstanding but is also the beginning of something new.

lost in the sirens | akatomlinson | [53k] abo fic where alphas and omegas can’t cohabitate as friends and harry ‘supposed-to-be-a-beta’ styles presents a few weeks before he and louis ‘hot/spicy-omega-bestie’ tomlinson are set to move into their new uni flat. featuring sephora louis, a world run by abo stereotypes, and harry who just wants to know what it means to be an alpha

#28th appreciation #fic rec #monthly reads #monthly fic recs #my reads #completed fics #larry fics

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starseneyes · 2 years

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Romitri - Rose / Dimitri - Vampire Academy - Season 1 - Ep 8

Welcome to my Meta for episode 8 of Season 1 of Vampire Academy on Peacock! If you’d like to catch up:

Episodes 1-5 Meta

Episode 6 Meta

Episode 7 Meta

SPOILER ALERT: I will spoil absolutely everything. So, reader beware. I haven’t yet read the books, so feel free to fill in the blanks, if you like!

All set? Great! Let’s dive in.

The Trials

Talk about a name of an episode having a million meanings. Yes, obviously there’s the Royal Trials. But there’s also the trial of Romitri, of Dragonzera, of Dimitri’s faith, of Rose’s resolve, and of how far a person is willing to go for what they want.

Look, coming into this episode, I was ready for bad. Like, really bad.

I actually predicted the “big minute 41 twist” based on telegraphing earlier in the season, and it was actually more tame than I expected. I knew this episode was going to hurt. And it did. Did it hurt so good? Or just burn away the last shreds of hope? Let’s dive in to find out.

“I’ll have another.”

We find Rose at the bar, the camera paying special attention to her Molnija mark... a mark left permanently on her flesh by the blood of her friend, and the ink of her almost-lover.

Rose is drinking away her sorrows. But her imagination is getting away with her, along with her liquor. Mason’s the one to find her and carry her out of there. She holds onto him as they go.

Now, I’ve seen some people compare this to Dimitri carrying her home. There are some parallels, sure. I think this week we’re going to see Rose seeing Mason there for her when Dimitri isn’t, and even though she doesn’t love Mason, it’s enough for her to lean into him. He’s something stable when everything else in her life has gone to sh*t.

“Lately I’ve been feeling... unmoored. Have you ever doubted any of it? All of it?”

Dimitri is feeling lost, and repulsive as Tatiana is, we know that she is manipulating him. She’s presenting herself as a “kindred spirit”, as someone to whom he can relate. She wants him to share information with him. She wants him to open up. She wants to get something she can use against him or someone else. This is what she does.

But Dimitri doesn’t see it. Because right now he needs someone to anchor him in his faith, again.

Belief systems are tricky, and when you come up in a very restrictive one, any step out of line can feel like the most egregious sin. I can speak to this personally, and I find it so strange that much as I relate to Rose, there are moments I actually relate more to Dimitri.

Trust me, he’s lost. He’s faltering and flailing, and without the foundational functionality of his faith, he finds himself wondering who he is. Who is he without his structure? He honestly doesn’t know.

“But if faith were easy, it wouldn’t need to be practiced.”

It’s exactly what he needs to hear. He needs someone to help him feel rooted, again. Tatiana is an instrument in his convincing himself that he can go backwards. He needs to believe that he can separate himself from Rose, that he can move on as before, that he can still be the golden boy.

Because a part of him needs this.

He needs the rigidity to convince himself he’s a good person. Dimitri’s faith and life negate the acceptance of gray. You’re either a good soldier or might as well be Strigoi.

Tatiana is filling a space in his life right now. We all know what she truly is. We all know what she wants, ultimately. But, he can’t see it, right now. Because she is what he needs her to be in this moment—a voice of reason. Or so he believes.

Rose Takes Off After Dimitri

Besides the convenience of Plot, I have no idea what Dimitri is doing over in this area, especially just strolling around, but Rose loses her thoughts when she sees him. She wants to talk to him.

And Meredith and Mason are so aware that something’s up. They’re both annoyed with Rose for taking off in the middle of something important.

But Dimitri is important, too.

And she wants to talk to him. But by the time she gets out there, he’s gone. It’s so indicative of where they are right now. They can’t even be together in the safety of the sun. She can see him through the glass, but she can’t reach him. He’s unreachable to her, now.

Rose Runs from Lissa

You can tell which one hurt worse.

Look, I’m not saying she doesn’t love Dimitri, but Lissa was her ride-or-die best friend, and Lissa’s rejection hurt a thousand times worse. Lissa took away Rose’s agency by trying to protect her.

And as Meredith and Mason look to one another, it’s clear they want to know what’s going on with Rose. They’re all growing closer as the season goes on, but Rose is shutting everyone out. Everything hurts and she can’t reopen wounds right now.

“I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I’m not talking to anyone else, because you are still the person that I trust.”

I love how she knows his routes. She could just join him, and know exactly where he was going to be. It’s such a nice detail.

“There’s more going on around here than you think, including possible treason.”

She’s trying to appeal to him, to get him to listen to her, to get him to help her. But he’s riding on the high of Tatiana’s affirmation.

Look, when you have a belief system your entire life that you’ve woven into the core of your being, it’s hard to know who you are without it. It’s hard to know how to exist if it’s not the center, any longer.

I’ve seen it happen with many people who grew up in a belief system that was constricting and confining, but felt like a snug embrace. Breaking out of that is not easy and it’s not instant. Sometimes, people balk and push back against it.

That’s where Dimitri is right now. He’s pushing back against Rose and her challenging of everything he knows. He’s trying to burrow back into his belief.

“Come on! I know you think we shouldn’t be talking right now, but-” “It’s not what I think. It’s what has to be.”

And he really thinks he has a handle on it—control. He thinks that if he can cut her off like a bad drug, he’ll be fine and she’ll be fine. But, note how he stopped when she called him out. All it took was her tonal shift, and he totally stopped in his tracks.

“I’ve put you at risk. I’ve all but put Lissa at risk.”

He’s keeping his distance, not closing the space between them like he ordinarily would (even before they became snogging buddies). He’s trying to rationalize all the things he has done wrong. He thinks he has a sin to atone for. He thinks that what he’s done is unforgivable and he needs to somehow atone.

All he did was fall in love.

But love isn’t allowed. Not between Damphirs. It’s a fantasy.

“I recall. I was there making my own choices.”

Rose is the one to step forward, to eliminate a little of the distance between them, to try to remind him that she’s a capable woman and that he didn’t do anything to her. She had a choice at every turn.

Their first kiss was mostly her, for goodness sake. She never asked him to stop because she wanted it all. She was the one drawing him out to dance.

“Were you? The only reason you think you have a choice is because you were raised by a powerful Moroi family who pretended that you being a Damphir didn’t matter.”

Ouch. I think of Alexei and Eloise... Alexei was “an influential Royal” so they looked the other way. They were allowed to marry. They were allowed love. But the second Alexei was gone, Eloise went straight to the Communes. The reality that she was a Damphir never disappeared... it only dissipated so long as Alexei lived.

Dimitri is right, of course. He grew up in a completely different way. Angry as Rose is at her mother, she had the Dragomirs. Dimitri had a single mother in the Communes with younger sisters to take care of. He had abuse. He had trauma.

His faith was the anchor to get him through.

“Maybe if I’d had that, I’d believe that I could do anything, too. But I don’t.”

I don’t believe in myself. I don’t believe I have a choice. I don’t believe I can be trusted with choice.

He’s so lost. Dimitri is lost.

Remember his words from the last episode, “I shouldn’t have let this happen” in relations to Lissa and Adrian seeing the Heretic... as though that would have changed anything or taken away their Spirit Magic and the truth of their Saints. Somehow, Dimitri makes everything his fault.

It’s a special kind of trauma... and he’s digging deeper into it, now. Rose wants to smack him out of it, but there are talons hidden beneath the sinking sand that hook into Dimitri, tearing at him with every one of Rose’s well-meant tugs.

“All I have is this life and the faith that has helped me endure it.”

He never dreamt of another life... until Rose... until she showed him he could find joy in freedom. He accepted the life he’d been dealt, and after seeing the slip of control in a moment’s hesitation... he’s clinging hard to this life, for better or worse.

“I can’t lose that, Rose.”

But can you lose her? Can you really lose Rose completely and not be fractured forever?

The stupid man thinks he can push her away, that she’ll be fine, that he’ll be fine. He’s so busy rationalizing his sins that he’s forgotten how to feel. He’s acting on reason while she’s appealing to his heart that he’s locked away, tighter than ever.

He speaks to her as an equal, here, which is significant. But, he’s speaking to a wall as much as she is. Rose is all emotion, right now, despite trying to have a reasonable conversation.

“It’s not that I don’t want to help you. It’s that I can’t.”

He’s outlining a blueprint for survival and she’s aching for poetry. She steps a little closer, and he almost imperceptibly pulls back... away from the temptation. Away from everything he truly wants.

“This faith that you’re holding onto with a death grip is supporting an unfair system that is never going to change. Maybe you should be the one who does.” “I’m sorry. Am I interrupting something?”

F*ck off, Tatiana. But, the b*tch knows how to choose her moment.

Sorry, y’all, I’m really saucy about her. (and she is BRILLIANTLY written and performed) But, she was most definitely listening in, because if Dimitri was going to consider any of Rose’s words, it might have been this. Instead, he’s redirected to his anchor.

Remember, he’s feeling unmoored. He’s looking for an anchor... even if it sinks him to the depths and leaves him to drown. He’s not thinking that far ahead. He wants the same comfort and solace he sought at the altar after the death of his best friend—and he’s found it temporarily in Tatiana.

All by her design, of course, but Dimitri’s being a bit of a stupid boy at the moment.

“I came to watch you train. I want to see what I’m putting all my faith in.” “Faith in what? What for?”

Rose gives no sh*ts about Tatiana being a Royal. Remember, she grew up with the love of the Dragomirs, so she’s probably long been aware of Tatiana being a venomous snake. She has no need to show her respect, despite the societal norms that demand she should.

“Guardian Belikov has agreed to be my champion in the second trial, the trial by Proxy.”

Dimitri’s looking away. He knows Rose and he knows she isn’t going to like this.

But Rose doesn’t understand my faith so she doesn’t understand why I’d do this for Tatiana.

It’s “the othering” that Tatiana does so well. She does it with the Royals and she does it here with Dimitri. She’s great at separating people and creating divides. She’s trying to divide these two.

“He won’t beat Dimitri, but I can. I know how he thinks, how he moves. I understand him better than anyone. I will win this, so pick me.”

Rose can’t let Tatiana be Queen. Dimitri wasn’t there when she and the other Novices overheard Tatiana’s plans for Damphirs on the Royal Tour. And Dimitri won’t listen to her. As far as she’s concerned, he’s drunk the Duty Koolaid, especially if he’s going to back a sniveling, manipulative, abusive, madwoman like Tatiana.

And—let’s be honest—she wants to beat the sh*t out of him.

The Fight

Why the f*ck are there clowns? I mean, just why!? As someone who grew up terrified of the things... that was jarring and bizarre. Royals are into some kinky stuff, friends.

“When are you going to tell me what she did that hurt so much?” “I have a fight to prepare for.”

Rose is playing off that it’s just Lissa that’s got her off, but we all know it’s Lissa and Dimitri that’s got her off her game. And Rose doesn’t tell these things to Mason.

Because, despite it all, Dimitri is still the one she trusts.

And I feel for Mason because he is all-in as far as Rose is concerned. He’s the one helping her get ready for the fight. He really is being there for her this entire episode in a selfless way. It’s very sweet, but your heart breaks for the kid because we all know that at worst, he’s the one she settles for. And he deserves to be with someone who sees him as he sees her.

“And Lord Dashkov has selected Novice Rose Hathaway.”

This is the first time Dimitri’s hearing this. Up until this moment, he’s been in a Rose-free headspace, prepared to fight for Faith and what’s right against whoever Victor chose. Choosing Rose has thrown a wrench in Dimitri’s plans for the night. Shrouded in darkness, he turns around to see her—completely still, bathed in red like blood.

Lissa looks to Christian in surprise. She didn’t see this coming, and last she knew these two were an item. Now they’re going to fight?

Dimitri tries to take a steadying breath, but this is his worst nightmare. For the sake of duty, he needs to harm the woman he loves.

F*ck duty.

“What are you doing here?”

Rose looks over to Tatiana who gives her a measured look. Tatiana didn’t expect this.

“I’m here to beat some sense into you.”

Not her. Do what you need to do. Do your duty. But if you’re going to do this, you need to understand the monster you’re doing it for.

Dimitri once said he wouldn’t bet against Rose Hathaway. I’m hoping everyone here who was betting was smart enough to bet on her.

Look, I know some have said, “Rose needs this fight”. But this is different. It’s not that simple. Yes, she wants to beat the crap out of him. Yes, she’s hurting. But she also needs to convince herself that he’s not her person anymore.

If he does hit duty, here, she can finally let go of him in her heart, right? She can finally see him as irredeemable. She can finally embrace Mason without feeling guilty.

And Rose throws the first blow, taking him off-guard.

They battle. They move. They grab one another’s chins, trying to gain control of the moment.

“Tatiana Vogel is everything I hate about this place.” “I do what I’m told.” “Right. Your fucking duty.”

Rose is raw, but she is trying to make a point. And he’s missing it. He’s clinging so hard to what makes sense to him that he’s failing to see how none of it actually makes sense. He’s convinced himself that it does.

“Why are you doing this?” “Apparently, it’s the only way you’ll listen.”

He’s horrified, here. Remember, his worst fear is that he’s a violent menace like his father. Rose hasn’t considered that when she decided to do this—or if she has, she’s pushed it so far out of her mind as to think her actions are justified.

But this is sending him spiraling worse than before while she’s trying so hard to pull him to steady ground.

“You want me to stop? Win.”

And there it is. Do your duty. If he does his duty, then it proves he’s too far gone... that she can let go. Do your duty.

“You’re taking it easy on me.” “Or maybe you’re just that good.” “Bullshit.”

This throws me back to the Benchmarks, when Mason told her that Dimitri went easy on her. And then Dimitri told her he was going to come harder for her the next time. She’s looking for the holes. She’s looking for justification. She’s looking for something to make the pain stop as much as he is.

He thinks he can anchor to Tatiana and find peace in his prayers. She thinks she can untether from Dimitri and find release in her wrists.

They’re both thinking past one another instead of working together, and we know that they need each other more than they know. They’re both spiraling in their separate cyclones, too scared and stupid to reach out and steady one another.

“What kind of champion refuses to fight?” “I don’t want to hurt you.”

He grabs onto her face, demonstrating the real control he could wield over her... He’s capable of it. He keeps it at bay. He keeps it locked up. He banishes it. But he is trying to make the point and get through to her.

But he touches a nerve instead.

“It’s too late.”

He has hurt her. He’s gutted her in ways she didn’t know she could still hurt after losing the Dragomirs and dealing with all the other sh*t of her life.

“Your honor as a champion is on the line here, comrade. Come on. Our duty won’t let us be together? Then do your fucking duty.”

She’s taunting him, pushing him, enticing him to fight. But that last bit touches a nerve. It hurts. It aches. It burns. And it bursts out of him before he can wrestle it back. He hits her with an uppercut, sending her flying and Tatiana cheering.

He’s watching Rose hurt... suffer... struggle. And somehow the physical act has finally broken through his understanding. I hurt her. Yes, you did, Dimitri. And Tatiana is cheering you on, applauding your efforts, as you hurt the woman you love.

Dimitri breaks.

He completely breaks. He closes his eyes and accepts his fate as she comes for him. Because he will accept whatever punishment she dolls out. He will allow whatever she wishes to make this right.

I deserve this.

He truly believes it. And he thinks that he can atone for it right here and now instead of working through the muck, instead of putting in the effort, instead of fighting for what’s good and right in the world. Because everything he believes and understands is tethered to a system of oppression and abuse that he’s embraced as gospel.

And it’s something that happens so often to trauma victims, especially those with childhood trauma. We sometimes grab onto something that gives us structure without realizing it’s constricting us, tightening around us like a serpent ready to snap.

“That’s what I thought.”

And Rose is so wrapped in her own pain that she doesn’t see his. Doesn’t realize it’s breaking him. She sees the man who hurt her and not the man who is also hurting.

The bell is rung. She’s won the fight. But it’s not enough for Rose. She wants him to fight her. She wants him to give her that excuse she needs to finally let him go. She’s pent up on anger, aggression, and heartache.

“Fight back!”

But he won’t fight her. He can’t. He won’t.

Because in this moment he chose Rose.

And he will always choose Rose... even when she can’t see it.

He shakes his head... he’s not fighting her.

She hits him. And hits him. And it finally hits her that she’s going too far. All eyes are on her... and on the beating she’s giving a fellow Damphir.

Lissa looks to Mason, as does Meredith. Mason can only mouth, “I don’t know.”

Because nobody knows. Rose doesn’t talk about these things. She doesn’t talk about her hurt. She doesn’t talk about her pain. If she had a person, Dimitri was that person... and her person is the one currently on the ground bleeding... and she’s the one who put him there.

“You’re a fucking mess, Rose.”

Poor Mason. He is being a good friend. And he deeply cares about her. And she does need help, whether she wants it or not. And he’s smart enough to realize he’s not the one to give it.

“I came to apologize. I should not have begun that fight knowing there was no way I could do what I had to do to win.”

Technically, Rose started that fight when you still wanted to talk. But, there it is. You knew you couldn’t purposefully hurt Rose. You couldn’t do it.

It’s not that I don’t want to... It’s that I can’t. His own words come back around in reverse. He wanted to do what he needed to... but he couldn’t... because it was Rose.

“My value here has been... compromised.”

He thinks he isn’t valuable. He thinks he’s broken. He thinks he can’t do the job. He can’t do his duty.

He’s so bloody broken.

And I get this. I get growing up with childhood trauma and internalizing it... thinking that everything is your fault because it has to be. It has to be you who caused the problem because you know you were the problem as a child, so you have to be the problem as an adult.

You’re the failure. You’re the problem. You screwed up. You did it wrong.

What’s wrong with you? How could you do this?

The negative self talk is deafening and damning. He’s so f*cking lost.

“You’re in love with that girl, aren’t you?”

I don’t think Tatiana realized it until now. And Dimitri knows it, but can’t verbalize it. That would be another sin.

But the look he gives her is so close to the one he gave Alberta when she called him out on the “extra training” he’d been giving Rose. He’s caught. The other person is right. Damnit.

“But you can’t be with her without sacrificing the duty you pledged to the Saints. So you’ve chosen not to be with her at all.”

Tatiana is, once again, acting as his anchor. She calls out “the Saints” specifically, pulling him closer toward the Faith and further away from Rose. She knows what she’s doing. He’s vulnerable and broken, and she’s preying on him.

He needs an anchor. And she knows it. She makes him feel wanted and seen without having to compromise his beliefs. She’s giving him an out... and he’s so broken that he takes it.

Because he needs this anchor to justify everything he’s ever been... because Rose challenges everything he’s ever known and believed.

Dimitri chains himself to the anchor as it drags him down... because he wants the safety of direction without taking into account the true costs to his soul.

And as they kiss, he can’t even touch her. Because it’s not about love. It’s about feeling something with someone who knows the proper order of things and can offer him absolution for his sins. He feels... seen and validated. Like, all the sacrifices he’s making are the right ones, and that his Faith is justified.

And he’s so lost, wafting in the wind without a direction. And this woman comes along with a familiar song that he’s heard a thousand times, and he listens to the siren who sings him to his doom because the tune is familiar and stirs in him something that resembles who he believes himself to be—righteous and true.

Never mind his true sins are on display, for his pride and stubbornness are blocking him from true happiness with the woman he truly loves.

“We both need to find our way without each other.”

As Dimitri sacrifices a part of his soul to find perceived absolution, Rose cuts off a part of hers in an act of self-preservation.

“I have to be loyal to myself for a change. I have to make my life count.”

And Rose finally lets Mason in a little. And it hurts. It aches. Because she’s doing the same thing as Dimitri, right now. She’s looking for someone who doesn’t make it hurt more. She’s looking for someone who makes her feel justified, someone who makes her feel like she doesn’t have to change, someone who won’t expect her to be anything more than she is.

But that’s the dance of Dimitri and Rose... they make each other better. Dimitri helps Rose to be more disciplined and to consider her actions. Rose helps Dimitri to set aside his rigidity and actually live and enjoy life a little.

They draw one another out in the best and worst ways, but growth is often intertwined with pain, because we don’t want to move out of our comfort zone. Dimitri and Rose are magnets, but to get to one another, they both have to move out of their comfort zones. Right now, they’re both desperate for them.

They’re both looking for someone else, right now, who can make it hurt a little less. And that’s what sucks for poor Mason, because he’s all-in. And Rose is trying to convince herself that she is, too.

And Dimitri is trying to convince himself that he was right and Rose is wrong, and that his Faith is enough to carry him through. But, he’s so blind in his agony that he’s oblivious to Tatiana’s true intentions.

I see a lot of people saying, how could you!? to Dimitri... and while I think his choice is abhorrent, he’s completely broken, right now. He wants to feel something besides the pain of losing Rose, the fear of his own faltering faith, and the darkness that he’s worked so hard to keep at bay.

Dimitri is digging in his heels.

And Rose is running away.

They’re so opposite and yet so the same. Stubborn to the core. And, we can only hope that someday these two realize what we already know—they’re so much better together.

WOW, I got this one out a lot faster than expected. But, I saw some abuse of Kieron Moore, and I think that spurred it on. Look, these actors are crushing it, but they aren’t responsible for their character’s choices. I’ve read the articles from Kieron about his struggles with the scene. He was honest. He was earnest. He worked hard to understand what would drive Dimitri there even as he’s shaking his head at the guy.

And I have a real big problem with abusing actors. I grew up on film sets. I grew up around young stars. I saw them go from actors nobody knew to international sensations, and I saw how their lives changed, for better or worse. These actors aren’t responsible for their character’s choices and don’t deserve any criticism or vitriol for what their characters do.

Alright, I’ll get off the soap box, now. It just really strikes a nerve.

As always, thank you for reading. Stay tuned for more angst and heartbreak next week courtesy of our favorite forbidden lovers who are too stubborn for their own good.

#Vampire Academy #Vampire Academy Peacock #Rose Hathaway #Dimitri Belikov #Rose x Dimitri #Dimitri x Rose #Romitri #Kieron Moore #Sisi Stringer

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crunchchute · 5 months

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need to know when exactly hw2 is taking place so that i can work it into my headcanons cause right now its just not fitting at all. a lot of "..unless?" but i wont know until i get the timeline (more under cut i guess. spoiler territory ahead 🚨🚨)

also i had 6 hours of copium for my sleeptime. if youre a hater just take this as if i was pulling this out of my ass, unless you agree, in which case youre welcome to comment or. nod in agreement.

so how does this help wanted economy affect the fazcoin?

but no for real now. to preface im very forgetful when it comes to fnaf lore and i sometimes miss some plot points and many times they affect my headcanons (once i remember them) but i cant check everything. im just forming my own little timeline with my own ideas i guess, but i still want it to be canon adjacent So!

i believed that its taking place post SB, pre Ruin. which i was super happy with as i was worried it would be pre-SB and not give enough lore that i crave. however, just as ive seen some people say, this didnt help with the lore much, and it just got more confusing for me. still a fantastic game but from a lore point it doesnt give us anything too big or a conclusion (well. maybe one) i also saw people say its post ruin, which i dont agree with but i would agree with during ruin. (when ppl say cassie is the player, i dont think so, need more arguments) its unclear once people bring in other arguments than the obvious roxy's mask or the state of the pizzaplex. but basically as an afton believer its hard for me to work around this, but i will try. never back down never what?

so my hc is iykyk, scraptrap->man in the room->ghost/amalgamation->latching onto tech and the mimic in the form of glitch and burntrap->mimic "shedding" him->wills ghost forming mxes; it also works without the frights books but the afton amalgamation and everything around it is too cool to not use. i fucking love ruinborn afton graaaaah *tears shirt apart* i also liked the idea of his spirit shattering and a piece of it forming glitchtrap for years, and i believe it can coexist with mimic, i think burntrap was real and is both mimic and afton.

now. this game. really messing it up for me as glitchtrap existing post or during burntrap just doesnt make sense, i dont want -trap multiples or something (sounds like the years old 2-3 purple guys theory lmao) but i will look into it as glitchtrap and mxes connection..? honestly, i really expected getting to see burntrap here (or at least mimic shown). was burntrap like retconned or something for real??? also still dont understand when people say burntrap isnt the mimic or whatever. no, it is, just with something a little extra on. and that extra is again, wills ghost or remnant or whatever you wanna call it, symbolized by the bonnie parts on his endo, but theres also flesh so yeah, as funny as it sounds i fuck with the afton homunculus growing over mimic theory. its stupid enough, he would do it.

but i wanna focus on mxes, i knew we wouldnt see the entity in the game, didnt expect it. but i also didnt expect the system to show up, which it did, but obviously not the entity yet as i believe they were formed only after burntrap has been "scooped" by tangle (comparing the scooper mimic ending and the burntrap one as a parallel) i just dont understand how glitchtrap is in here. thats the thing i cant figure out! this is 100% post SB so at that point glitchtrap is just gone. how did we get him back now? only ends up with me reaching with like MEGA SPOILERS the vanny ending crushing glitchtrap being a metaphor of her locking away or deleting the code. extreme reaching would be stuffing it into the mxes system where glitch would turn into the entity. but thats way too loose, but ive seen many people call the mxes entity glitchtrap, which doesnt even work with their theory that glitchtrap is mimic, because the entity is obviously not the mimic. like you have to consider this too, not just mimicmimicmimic but then agree that a glitchy rabbit is similar to another glitchy rabbit

lost my thread of thought. and thought of how this all is just, an end to glitchtrap era and only mimic in the future. well.. without an evil rabbit, fnaf will lose its charm for me, i dont know if vanny!cassie would save it for me, i only want wiwi. more wiwi, no mimi *starts glowing red and then explodes* anyway its not that bad. as long as i get to see the mxes entity again i will be good. and as long as im right about the clickteam game, i will be happy :D

also im intrigued by the fallfest showing up again, i really want to see how the maps look and look at all the details.. but in general the area is either underneath or next to the pizzaplex, the body of water in curse of dreadbear imo is the same as the underground water in ruin and hw2 to me confirmed that it truly is all in one place (goes nowhere with this). i love how the hw2 hub is in the pizzasim building. also, another thing, need to check it out again but i want to see if scrap baby is in a vr level or reality so i can theorize about scraptrap, as in, if at least tangle and scrap baby are still around and real in the plex, it would make sense for scraptrap to not show up because he has gone through digitization /j you know the whole pipeline. and so on and so forth

anyway im gonna pet my dogs and maybe read tse and then get back to hw2 in the afternoon. just getting this out of the system and my brain

#i love how when i write these thoughts my english just devolves into a 7yo writing an essay #but yeah. im like 7 and im writing about my favorite character :]#sorry i never have better words or think of better sentences i just translate my thoughts. bare minimum #crunching #gave up on writing more actually. would be longer but im facing reality 😔#i also accept counter arguments if youre civil #but id rather just stay in my daydream and think that bnuyy wiwi :]#thatse it #waffling about william 2 #<- will use this tag to find my rants later and laugh and lmao at them because i always get shit wrong in these #the one i did about the fnaf movie and my expectations for it was hilarious to look back at. what a naive little guy #wrote this in like an hour. maybe two. time well spent (lie)#long post

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see-arcane · 1 year

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👀 I'm Intrigued by the whole "I would sell my soul to do it" declaration coming into fruition due to doubt and desperation. However, I keep associating Mephisto with Faustus (I believe he's not a biblical demon and was created for that story?) so now I'm thinking of an 'existing' demon associated with Jonathan's, er, vices, that would be 'summoned' by these dark thoughts. In addition, I had that idea he'd ask to trade a life for a life, Jonathan offers his own but the demon takes Quincey instead.

First, while I know a demon would LOVE to pull a switcheroo with Mr. Willing Sacrifice Harker and take an innocent life to add to the guilt, I think if that were really the case, said demon would go for Maximum Bastard points and kill Mina immediately after she was cured of the unlife-saving vampirism. Since that didn't happen, I'll say Quincey was still chalked up to random rotten luck*.

(*And maybe some proof-positive to my genius loci theory about Dracula and him turning his chunk of Transylvania into a metaphysical place of his power and will. The heroes were never going to get out of there without shedding their own blood. Anyway.)

Yeah, I just used Mephistopheles as a placeholder demon name. Maybe there's a devil more closely associated with the Scholomance lore--you know, besides Capital S Satan himself~! (The guy is busy, I don't see him leaving Hell just to play tutor. He probably has a stand-in for him the way Santa does.)

Branching out to wider demonology or making our own homemade demon, ala Mephistopheles, would work too. Just so long as this tricky bastard turned up between journal entries, struck the deal with desperate Mr. Harker, and turned up sometime after the epilogue. Right after the book was finished? Or maybe after wife, son, and friends are all in the ground...with young-ancient Jonathan Harker still standing, haunted, beside their headstones.

"Well, I thought I was quite clear on my terms, Mr. Harker. A life for a life. I assume you were imagining your soul flying down to my coffers the moment the Count gave up his own rancid spirit and dear Mina was cleared of the wafer's stain. But the thing is, a soul is about as useful as your average paperweight down there. Pretty, fun to have screaming for eternity on your desk, but ultimately useless. But you! Here, in your oh-so-impressive flesh! That can get some work done.

"Oh, and don't fret over the cost of my little additions. The dye job and the internal anatomical renovations are all on me. Can't be said I don't take my fixer uppers seriously. That said, you are now clear of all the requisite happily ever after niceties. My sincerest sympathies on little Quincey, by the way. Terrible shame about that war. At least he won't live to see the second and dear Mrs. Harker will finally get to keep him company.

"I do hope that's some comfort going forward. Truly. You'll need such comforts while we buff out the last of your scruples in the centuries going forward. We have so much work ahead of us. I can't wait."

#someone better be taking notes on all these Fucked Up Jonathan Harker AUs #I can only write so many #jonathan harker #monster jonathan harker #doctor faustus #dracula #dracula daily #my writing

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talesofsonicasura · 2 years

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Hehehehe...

Suffocatingly cold. That's what it felt like to be under the control of Lady Bone Demon. A feeling Sun Wukong immediately despised as he foolishly fell under the foul spirit's hold. It felt like someone had tied anchors to his feet before shoving him into a freezing ocean.

The Great Sage was struggling for control as the fiend sent an order to his now uncontrollable body: Rob his successor of his life. Her words further taunting him as Sun Wukong reluctantly approach the young man.

'Such a bright and innocent soul. A candle light ready to be snuffed out by the one who strengthen the flame. Another person you have failed.'

And the worst thing is that she's right. Sun Wukong never fully committed to teaching MK. Not training him to handle his magic which lead to all the dangers that could've been avoided. Not being honest about the very demon that puppeted his body. The threat, how to destroy her and the ritual that could've taken the life of his student's best friend.

Sun Wukong had failed MK like all the other people he grew close to. But...his student isn't gone yet. He can still make up for his failures. To rectify the mistakes he has made and mend that broken trust. Ask for a chance to prove himself worthy of being able to change.

And he can't do that under this bitch's control. No way this monkey would grant this twisted ghost's wishes. He WILL WIN. Not as the Handsome Monkey King or the Great Sage Equal To Heaven. He'll do it as Sun Wukong, the real him.

"It seems you truly woken up." Pain. Head splitting pain shot through the stone monkey's mind. An intensity so true that the Lady Bone Demon's control felt small compared to it. But...this is somehow welcoming despite that.

So welcoming that he barely missed the sensation of something new on his face. A leathery texture reminiscent to shark or whale hide... Maybe a mask if it had what felt like teeth at the bottom ridges.

"Took eons for thou to admit such follies. To change by thy will than the wretched leash of others like a mutt. I believe it's time to form the contract."

This voice... Sun Wukong didn't know who or what it is nor the offer given. Yet... Deep in his stone heart, the monkey fully trusts them! Voice broken and raspy as the shaken words from his throat shook all around him. "S...ea...l...th...e...con...tract..."

"Then let's begin, pup! I Am Thou and Thou Art I. Tear apart the anchors of control off thy flesh! Let your spirit swim and drag those who dare hunt you to the depths! Show this scurvy wench that she has no control over the beast in your soul!!!"

Those very words gave the immortal enough strength to resist Lady Bone Demon's control. To shakily reach the mask that now burned his face... And tear it off as dark gold blood flew alongside the hot willed cry that roar from Sun Wukong's throat.

"Capsize the enemy, MOBY DICK!"

Does this answer your inquiry @sapphireflame? Truth be told, I had this idea for a long time coming. Just not a chance to fully air it out in some way. The right situation to be more precise.

Luckily Season 3 granted me just the specific opening I need. Moby Dick is a monstrous white whale and main adjective in the tale of the same name. How one's foolish stubborn hunt for this mighty beast dragged the hunter alongside most of his crew to their watery deaths.

Something very fitting when it comes to Sun Wukong's character. The captain whose actions dragged everyone around him into peril. Only makes sense for the white whale to capsize such foolishness before it could lead to the same conclusion as the book. I might write more of this. Just really depends on how I can balance it since this is Sun Wukong. A very deep and very powerful character.

That's it for now! Until next time folks, I'll see you back at Megapolis.

#sonicasura #tales of sonicasura #lego monkie kid #persona #persona series #fanfic #monkie kid #lmk #sun wukong #lmk sun wukong #lego monkie kid sun wukong #monkie kid sun wukong #crossover #ask based #mentioned characters #lady bone demon #qi xiaotian

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onewomancitadel · 1 year

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Ok. You are all stuck with me. If you have chosen to see my posts. So I'm going to preface this with the fact it's exploratory and generally accepts the storytelling idea that the way you introduce information matters just as much as the content itself.

(We can see this in RWBY if you pay attention e.g. Cinder's return to the story after her ostensible death is introduced at the same time and books the episode as Salem's true backstory with Ozma appears, asking us to think about these characters in combination - including with the mirrored imagery:)

I know that the average sceptic is going to be disinclined against this idea, and I think for the average thoughtless storytelling this isn't the sort of thing I'd expect. I'm not saying it's sophisticated, I'm just saying there's a lot of barren storytelling around lol. As a writer myself it's something I personally think about, that much I can say.

Anyway it's really fucking weird that the first mention of Cinder this volume is framed like this and especially with the opportunity of the last Relic raised. Everything is very intentional in animation because everything has the opportunity to be highly symbolic; it is intentionally and deliberately placed.

Jaune's basically in the forefront of the mention of the Relic and the fact its location is currently in question. Not just once, but for three whole shots.

It's just... weird... because... I think Jaune is related to the Relic of Choice. I think he's got a task related to it. I think he's going to be the one to have the verbal confrontation with Cinder there (alike to previous Vaults - Raven vs. Yang, Ironwood vs. Oscar). This is partly influenced by the matter of The Indecisive King RWBY fairytale for which this theory tag gets its name from.

Of course, this type of thing is often more concrete retrospectively. At the very least what we're introduced to is the visual association of the mention of the Fall Maiden Relic (and its unknown location) and Jaune. Only Ozma knows where it is, and that's begging to be subverted in some fashion. It's just as likely that as opposed to Jaune being connected to Cinder it's connected to this issue of the Relic, and because on the face of it, there is something mysteriously intriguing about the lesser important, cynically charged character ending up knowing one of the most important things in the story.

There is also the fact that to Jaune right now, the Relics don't matter. He's visibly frustrated. What is being communicated here is that he's so past the conflict that maybe he doesn't even want to necessarily leave Ever After. We don't know the full extent of his motivations and beliefs anymore, and given at the same time we're exploring Ruby's loss of motivation and idealisation, this is almost certainly connected.

I'm not trying to say this is some Jaune/Cinder business. I think it's just as likely connected to the Relic business as much as it's connected to the fact he's experienced a loss of purpose and fissure in his identity. I just think it's interesting and food for thought, because watching this I was all like ??????? first Cinder mention???? Relic??? Relic of Choice???? Does Jaune even want to be a hero anymore. He's practically a hero insofar as all of his physical qualities, but is the flesh willing and the spirit weak?

Or you know. Fall Maiden girlfriend. Up to you really.

#seraphina ruminates over V9 #rwby9 #the indecisive queen #jaune sadsack tag

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spoondrifts · 8 months

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i've thought long and hard about which locked tomb houses i would sort community characters into and finally i have a definitive list which i will now share with you all. enjoy

SECOND HOUSE: the house of discipline, order, and the military. the emperor's strength.

chang (non-necro). no question. chang's arc is characterized by his love for possessing authority and abusing it. he would thrive in a place where everyone is obsessed with rising the ranks and enforcing strict rules on those underneath them.

THIRD HOUSE: the house of gold, glitter, and gossip. the emperor's mouth.

craig (necromancer). are you kidding? craig is an ideal third citizen. he loves putting on a display, he loves baubles and shiny things, he loves to stick his nose into everyone else's business and he loves to throw a good party, all things characteristic of the third.

jeff (non-necro). jeff would fit right in amongst the shallowness of everyone on the third. underneath is a great font of intelligence and cunning, but people often don't see that because of the glitzy mask he puts on; all classic third.

britta (non-necro). now you might think that britta would hate how hollow & shallow the third is, and you're right, but she's also a huge hypocrite—she's the kind of person to rail about how cav/necro relationships are unhealthy & exploitative despite being neither cav nor necro and knowing nothing about it. she's just as fucked up and empty on the inside as any other drugged up third socialite. she fits right in.

FOURTH HOUSE: the house of fidelity, youth, and hope. the emperor's sword.

troy (cavalier). troy is exactly the kind of loyal & honorable young cannon fodder that the fourth would LOVE. he's willing to throw himself into battle to fight for what he believes is right, or to protect the people he loves. he's a warrior, even though he can be inexperienced and naive.

FIFTH HOUSE: the house of tradition, veneration, and culture. the emperor's heart.

pierce (necromancer). okay, hear me out. the fifth house is all about tradition & communing with spirits, and canonically pierce has the most direct connection to ghosts and death and the past than anyone else. he also loves the finer things in life, and the fifth is the cultural superpower of the dominicus system; he'd pride himself on belonging there.

SIXTH HOUSE: the house of truth, knowledge, and academia. the emperor's reason.

annie (necromancer). duh. the sixth is home to the largest repository of information in the entire solar system, she is right at home. her entire life is one big research project there. the sixth is also known for churning out wildly precocious necromancers, which fits her perfectly.

abed (necromancer). the sixth strongly values honesty and objective fact, which abed also holds in high regard. its general eccentricity means that abed is safe to be himself and pursue his academic film passions here to his heart's content.

frankie (non-necro). also a no-brainer, frankie loves truth, transparency, order, and careful deconstruction of ideas, all of which is supported by the sixth's academic proclivities. she can file and sort spreadsheets for decades in the bowels of the library and never be bothered.

EIGHTH HOUSE: the house of salvation, justice, and secrets. the emperor's judgement.

shirley (non-necro). the eighth is the most religious of the houses, as well as casting itself as the most forgiving even as it zealously condemns others. regardless if this is true in practice, the eighth is also known as the most merciful house, which shirley would resonate strongly with.

various side characters w/out reasoning given, since they're mostly arbitrary:

alan, magnitude, garrett, vicky, sean garrity, & starburns - third

ian duncan - sixth

elroy, gilbert, & cornelius - fifth

rich & vaughn - seventh

a/c repair people - ninth

that's all i've got, i'd love to hear if you would sort anyone differently though. also imagine trobed one flesh one end. that would go crazy. look deep into my eyes and tell me that wouldn't go absolutely insane

#may or may not be writing a fic. also.#community #the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #jeff winger #britta perry #shirley bennett #annie edison #troy barnes #abed nadir #pierce hawthorne #dean craig pelton #ben chang #frankie dart

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phantomskeep · 1 year

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On your post about Danny having a new form... wendigo isn't the best pick. I mean, there's the Jötunn from Norse mythology (often translated as ice giants but are not necessarily giant sized). There's all variety of demons too. Using parts of a still living culture that has been routinely oppressed and had pieces of its folklore (like the wendigo) used to make racist caricatures, especially when you're not part of that culture, is something to do very carefully.

Like, I know you don't mean to appropriate or mean anything bad by it, but you have admitted that you're not part of the culture nor spoken to someone who is, and I feel if you do decide to write this, using the term wendigo to describe Danny's new form will turn people off, especially if it feels very divorced from its origin culture.

Since you're into the ravenstag as a concept, you could lean into the "sick deer" aesthetic by making whatever Danny's problem is an actual illness causing him to waste away.

Getting into why this happened can help distinguish what you're doing from the wendigo folklore. Wendigo doesn't have a monopoly on "fucked up deer" or on "herbivore eating meat" (which are things that happen in real life), and I personally don't think the association with the folklore is helpful.

Also, I can't help but but notice some superficial similarities to the beginning of your post and my own fic "Danny the Hungry Hungry Ghost." In both, Danny has a new form, a ravenous appetite, raids a grocery store early on, has member(s) of the JL wanting to keep him as a pet, and he perceives all threats as the GIW.

I think it's interesting that your Danny has enough awareness to not eat people despite having cannibalistic urges, while my Danny couldn't understand that eating people just because they're edible is wrong. In that fic, it's very fortunate that he somehow managed to not eat someone.

Hello!! If I were to actually write this prompt (which, I'm not. It's a silly idea that came into my head while I was driving. Unfortunately for me I have a lot going on right now and I suck at one-shots so the post was the next best thing to get my brain to shut up about it.) I would consult the Algonquian speaking nations if I ever did decide to write this and for the fic that I am planning on using something at least similar in concept, I still am wanting to talk to a native about this.

I am going to say that chances are, even if I wanted to just use the concepts of the deer-like popculture wendigo in something, people would associate it with "wendigo" anyways. Over the Garden Wall and Hannibal are two great examples of this - neither ever said the antlered cannibals were wendigos, but the fans considered them to be anyways. Hell, in interviews they did say "oh yeah the wendigo" even when, in the actual content, neither are given a name. The Owl House and Centaurworld also fall into this category, as it's now become a bit of a writing symbol to have an emancipated deer thing be a greedy person's "true form". Not saying this is the culturally correct thing to do, but just showing where I stand on that? If that makes sense???

This is a Monster Art Theory post based on the artistic history of the wendigo, which I think explains the previous paragraph a bit better than I could ever hope to.

I know a lot of fellow writers, world-builders, DMs, ect. have started to separate the "popculture wendigo" (antlered deer, here to just eat your bones) versus the Algonquian speaking nation wendigo (evil spirit who will possess you if you did the greatest sin - eat human flesh). That's a distinction I edited to add in my post, but again - I'm planning on talking to a member of the Ojibwe soon just for my own peace of mind about this (if they're willing to, ofc. I know not a lot of people like to spread their cultures whereas some absolutely love to. I fall into the "oh shit you want to learn about my family's culture? fuck yeah let's do it right now, hope you have 16 hours to spare!" category myself. If the person I end up speaking to doesn't want to touch the topic with a seven foot pole? Then I'll happily fuck off.

Also, I myself am not Norse but I do want to touch on what you said about the Jötunn and how you implied it was part of a dead culture? That's not true - I have a bunch of friends native to the Nordic regions who do still worship the old Nordic religion, including all their folklore. It's still very much alive, and as such using Jötunn or something along that vein would just be the same issue that comes with wendigo, in the context you're talking about. Because of the context of wanting Danny to be at least similar to an animal to make him Damian-adoption bait, then I would not be sticking close to the Jötunn lore. That's not even touching the pagan side of things because my partner would have my head if I fucked that up.

I will say, I have not read your fic but now I am planning to absolutely consume it haha. I went back to the original post you did where you pulled from Bones' prompt, and I vaguely recognized it? If you were wondering if I pulled inspiration from it, I can't say that I did. There was a video going around about a moose walking into a McDonalds and freaking out the employees which is where I pulled the "hehe something everyone is scared of goes into a place to cause chaos" idea from. The GIW was just plot convivence but if I were to actually write it out? Nah, that boy's gonna have trauma from his parents.

To be honest having Danny not wanting to eat people is just easy plot convenience. I wanted him to roll up into a grocery store, employees see the camera footage when they get to work the next morning, and to have it go viral which is how the JL found out about it. That couldn't happen if Danny just decided to go Stephen King/Supernatural "time to murder everything in sight" mode. I didn't put it in the prompt because I just wanted my brain to stop thinking about it so that I could actually focus on writing the fics I have right now (one of which I am going to use the wendigo concept for, but as I have stated many times now - I was and still am fully planning on consulting a member of the Ojibwe nation about beforehand. I honestly just expected the original prompt I made to get maybe 1 note and disappear into the Tumblr Void, never thought I would've needed to pull out all the stops to show everything I've done to not culturally appropriate haha).

Anyways, all that being said thank you for informing me on all of this! I'm not planning on using the prompt I made in a fic (because ugh I just don't have that kind of time) but I appreciate you doing your part to make sure I'm not being a jerk about it. I hope everything I've put in here helps explain my viewpoint a bit more?

also sorry if this is a bit of a ramble or doesn't make sense, I just woke up and I haven't had any caffeine haha. Brain no worky

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lesfeldickbiblestudy · 2 years

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Through the Bible with Les Feldick LESSON 1 * PART 2 * BOOK 54 James Prepares His Flock - Part 2 James 3:7 - 5:20 Okay, let’s go back where we left off in the last lesson in James chapter 4. And, remember, James is written to the Twelve tribes scattered. (Acts 8:1) So it is primarily Jewish. Andthere’s no Church language in here. James doesn’t make one single reference to the blood of Christ, how that it was shed for the sins of mankind - or to Christ’s glorious resurrection, all of which we must believe for our salvation here in the Church Age. (I Corinthians 15:1-4) Again, James is probably the earliest New Testament book written. Maybe Matthew preceded it but all of these little Jewish books, I think, were written early on before they had an understanding of the doctrines revealed later to Paul. So, we’re going to be comparing, as we finish the little book of James and go on into I Peter, how it is so completely different (not contradictory) from what Paul writes to us as Gentiles; compared to what James and Peter and John wrote to those Jewish believers coming out of Christ’s earthly ministry. So always keep that in mind. All right, so James chapter 4, remembering now that he’s writing to Jewish believers probably scattered in the area of what we call Turkey. And he says in verse 4: James 4:4 "Ye adulterers and adulteresses,.…" My, does that sound familiar? You know I said, when we began the study of James and Peter and John, that you’re going to find a lot of likenesses with the Four Gospels and Jesus addressing the Jews in His earthly ministry. Well, here’s one of them. Isn’t this exactly what Jesus referred to with the Jews in their wickedness. James 4:4b "…know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is (what?) the enemy of God." Now let’s see how, again, Paul puts it. We’re going to be comparing back and forth because I think that’s the best way to see the vast differences in what we call the doctrines of Paul for us as Gentiles believers - as over against what the writers in the little Jewish epistles are saying. Come back with me to Romans chapter 8 and we might as well start at verse 5. Romans 8:5-7 "For they that are after the flesh (the Old Adam) do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit (in other words, they’ve become a believer and the Holy Spirit has now indwelt them, they mind) the things of the Spirit. (now here it comes) 6. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be." The carnally or fleshly minded, just like James says, is enmity against God. The two will not coexist. You cannot have the enemy’s attitude of the world as part and parcel of God. He’ll have nothing of it. You know I think way back when I taught the Book of Romans, probably in chapter 8, I gave a little illustration. If you’re living in a neighborhood of middle class people who have a half-way decent income and your neighbors are all in the same income level as you are and one of your neighbor’s kids comes and he approaches you and says, "Hey, I’d like to have a new bike. Would you buy one for me?" Well, what are you going to say? "Well, you’re not my kid! I don’t have to buy you a bicycle. Go ask your parents. You’re their responsibility, not mine." Would that be out of the way? Of course not. Well, you see, it’s the same way with God. The unbelieving world thinks that they can come and treat God like some Santa Claus and beg for whatever they need and expect Him to answer. But no He won’t! In fact, I think I’m on safe ground that God doesn’t hear the requesting prayers of the unbeliever. His ears are totally deaf to that. Now, for salvation, of course, He’s ready and willing to save to the uttermost. But see, the unbelieving world has got the idea that they can just sort of tweak God’s nose like a Santa Claus and He’ll jump to their rescue.

No He won’t. And never forget that. It isn’t until we become a child of God that God beseeches us to come into the throne room with our needs as well as our praise. All right, so reading on now in Romans, chapter 8: Romans 8:8 "So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God." If they’ve never experienced God’s saving Grace and the indwelling Holy Spirit, they can’t please God. It’s impossible. They might as well quit trying. Of course, the world would get worse than it is, wouldn’t it? And it’s bad enough as it is. But, the unsaved world cannot please God. Now in verse 9, Paul is writing to the believers, and so there he says: Romans 8:9 "But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his." (if not then he is God’s enemy). You’re not under the control of the Old Adam, but rather you’re in the Spirit, and of course here’s the delineating mark - does the Spirit of God dwell in you? Well, I think that makes it plain enough and, to a degree, James and Paul would agree in that area - that the unbelieving heart, following the desires of the flesh are nothing but enemies of God. Now back to James chapter 4 verse 5. James 4:5 "Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?" Now he’s not talking about the Holy Spirit - this is a small ‘s’ - and the human makeup is referred to as the human spirit. And so that’s what James is talking about - that the spirit that dwelleth in us, the human nature that we’re born with, "the spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy." Well, of course it does. Now let’s go back again to Romans chapter 7. I didn’t intend to do all this and I guess that’s why I trust the Lord to just give me the verses as we go along because I can work, and work, and work at home and it doesn’t fall together. But when I get up here, here it comes, and we see it all dovetail together. Romans 7:7 "What shall we say then? Is the law sin? (or sinful? Of course not.) God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: (the Mosaic Law) for I had not known lust, (he didn’t really understand that Old Adamic nature’s desire for lustful things. I had not known lust or that it was sinful) except the law (the Mosaic Law, one of the Ten Commandments) had said, (what?) Thou shalt not covet.’" You cannot break one of the Ten Commandments with out coveting first. That’s always the triggering mechanism for breaking the Commandments is an attitude of coveting. And that’s why it is so preeminent in the life of the unbeliever as you’re seeing in these verses. What causes envying? Coveting. What causes adultery? Coveting. What causes stealing? Coveting. What causes gossip, false witness? Coveting. See, you can just go right down the line. All right, back to James chapter 4. Verse 5 again. James 4:5-6 "Do ye think the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us (in other words, the Old Adam) lusteth to envy? 6. "But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble." Well that’s all well and good, but that’s still not what Paul teaches for us. Now verse 7. James 4:7 "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." Well, that’s appropriate up to a point. But you can’t do it in the flesh. The only way we can resist Satan is through the power of the Spirit that dwells within us. Do you see that? And James doesn’t mention that. See, this is all in the energy of the flesh. Now verse 8: James 4:8a "Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you...." Let’s stop there a minute. How many of you know John’s Gospel chapter 3? What did Jesus say about the unbelieving individual? He never seeks God. But, let’s look at what Malachi says in the Old Testament. Go back to Malachi chapter 3 verse 7, and you’ll see this fits perfectly with what James is saying. Malachi 3:7a "Even from the days of your fathers ye are gone away from mine ordinances, and have not kept them.

..." See, the Jews have always had these kinds of problems, as well as the rest of mankind. We’re not putting the finger on the Jews alone as being guilty but, as God’s covenant people, you would expect more from them. But they were just as guilty as the rest of the world. Malachi 3:7b "…Return unto me, and I will return unto you, saith the LORD of hosts...." Well, you see the unto me was left on the backs of the Jewish people, that they were to make the first move and return to God. And if they would make a move to return to God, He, in turn, would (I guess you would say), meet them halfway. But now stop at John’s gospel a moment, chapter 3 starting at verse 19. Now here, I think, the Lord Himself, in His earthly ministry, is telling it like it really is. John 3:19a "And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world,.…" And of course, He was speaking of Himself. He was that light that lighteth every man that cometh into the world as we see in John 1:9. Now continuing the verse here. John 3:19b-21 "…and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 20. For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. 21. But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God." So the point I want to make is that the unsaved person will never seek God. It’s just beyond him. God has to draw a person to Him, but James doesn’t express that. He tells them, "You put forth the effort, you draw nigh to God." James 4:8 "Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded." Okay, come back to Romans chapter 3 and again look at the vast difference in Paul’s language compared to what we have seen in James. Again, this not contradictory but rather a whole different scenario. Paul is speaking to the Body of Christ, and James is speaking to the believing element of the Nation of Israel. And the Nation of Israel and the Body of Christ are completely different - that’s the way God has separated them. For example, the believing element of the Nation of Israel had believed for their salvation that Jesus was the Son of God, (their Messiah); they had repented of their sins and had been baptized in water. (Matthew 16:16 and Acts 2:38) Whereas, Paul’s Gospel tells the Body of Christ that, for salvation, we must believe in our heart that Jesus died for our sins, was buried and rose from the dead. (I Corinthians 15:1-4 and Romans 10:9-10) Romans chapter 3 verse 23, which I always call the first step on the road to salvation. We have to realize, first and foremost, that we’re sinners, and that we are undone, and that we have no reason for God to let us into His Heaven. None. Romans 3:23-24 "For all have sinned, (every one of us. None of us have escaped the fall precipitated by Adam.) and come short of the glory of God; (now here it starts) Being justified freely (without any effort on our part) by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:" See, you aren’t seeing James say anything like this. Romans 3:25 "Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith (and faith is not works. Faith is simply trusting what God has said) in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God;" Now verse 26. My, the more I think about this verse, the more I love it. Romans 3:26a "To declare, I say, at this time his righteousness: (not mine, not yours, but rather His righteousness, and what does His righteousness bring about?) that he (God) might be (what?)just,…" What does that mean? Fair. Not cutting any corners. Not asking for bribes; only what is strictly fair and just. Romans 3:26b "...and the justifier of him which believeth.…" And in that justness he can justify the person that "tries to do better?" as James says? No. What person? The one who believes!!! I was just sharing an analogy this morning with our guests from Colorado.

Imagine you’re getting on a huge airliner (and Iris and I have been there). You finally find your seat and you sit down and buckle your seat belt. After about two minutes you unbuckle that seat belt, and you barrel all the way up front, find the pilot, and say, "Is this the plane that’s going to such and such a place?" The pilot says, "Yes, you’re on the right plane, just go sit down and relax." So you go back to your seat and buckle your seat belt and within five or ten minutes all of a sudden the sweat starts and you go back up to the front and ask again, "Are you sure I’m on the right plane? Is this really going where I want to go?" And again the pilot says, "Yes, just go and sit down and relax." Well, you see, that’s what people are constantly doing in the spiritual realm. They’re just trying to establish, am I on the right track? Am I really going to get into God’s Heaven? But you see, Paul makes it so concrete in I Corinthians 15:1-4, that when we trust what is called his Gospel, the Gospel that was given to him for us by the risen Lord, we can sit down and relax! And we don’t have to fret and fume. Now that doesn’t mean we sit down and not work. Now don’t misunderstand me. We’re not saved to just sit and do nothing, but I’m talking about the assurance of salvation. Once we have trusted that finished work of the Cross, hey – that’s it! There’s nothing more you can do except believe it in your heart! Now that’s simple! But most of Christendom has taken the simple things and complicated it. Unfortunate, but true. You don’t try to do this, and try to do that. You rest in it. And then the Spirit as we saw in the first half-hour, will create in us that nature to do good works. Back to James again - so the implication here in verse 8 to "Draw nigh to God" is just like He told Israel back in the Old Testament – "draw nigh to Me and then I’ll draw nigh to you." But under Grace that’s not the situation. God has already extended salvation freely and all we have to do is believe it. James 4:8b "…Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; (it’s something that they had to do) and purify your hearts, ye double minded." Now we’re purified by faith in this age of Grace! James 4:9-10 "Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. 10. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up." Don’t lose sight of the fact that these men - James, Pete, and John - are writing to Jewish believers who had not believed for salvation Paul’s Gospel of Grace. Remember all these believers had only believed that Jesus was the Christ - their Messiah they had been waiting for. Now you go way back to Peter’s confession in Matthew 16. You remember what it was, when Peter declared, "I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God." Period. You remember at the death of Lazarus, in John chapter 11, Jesus asked Martha, "Martha do you believe this?" And He had just made reference, of course, to His resurrection. And Martha’s answer was identical to Peter’s. And what’d she say? "Yes, Lord, I believe thou art the Christ, the Son of the Living God." Period. Not a word about death, burial and resurrection. Not a word about the shed blood. They just simply believed that He was the Christ! Well, take the Ethiopian eunuch in Acts chapter 8 - the same identical words. He says, "Yes, I believe that Jesus was the Christ." And even old Saul of Tarsus said that right up front, before he had even heard the Gospel of Grace (because it hadn’t been yet been revealed even to him). After he comes out of that Damascus road experience there in Acts chapter 9, he’s got his sight back, he’s been fed, he’s been baptized, all according to the Jewish program. And now he goes to the Synagogue of the Jew and what does he proclaim? "That Jesus was the Christ!" That’s all. But you see, then, God moved him out of Damascus to the backside of the desert and revealed these doctrines of Grace that you and I enjoy today. But, James is still on that same premise.

They are still under the Law, they’re all Jews congregating and, as I pointed out in our introductory programs, they were looking for the Tribulation horrors to be coming in short order. Everything was in view, and we’ll come to that probably sometime yet before the afternoon is over in chapter 5. They were all looking for the Second Coming, but they knew that, before Christ returned, they’d have to go through the seven years of Tribulation. So all of these epistles, James and Peter and John and Jude and Revelation, really, are all preparing these Jewish believers for the pressures and the sorrows and the Tribulation that was just coming in front of them. Then, you remember, I said that was all interrupted and I’ll show how when we get over there - that was all interrupted and now we’ve come full circle, 2,000 years later - and everything, even though it changes, is still the same. We now have the same scenario. We’re going to have Jewish believers going into and through the horrors of the Tribulation and these little epistles will be their road map. This is what’s going to give them comfort. And we’ll see especially when we get into Peter’s epistles, it’s that constant reminder to them -"you’re going to suffer – you’re going to go through pressure – but don’t despair, God is with you." As you read these little Jewish epistles, remember that, at that time (here in the 50’s and 60’s AD, before the Temple is destroyed in 70 AD), they thought the Tribulation was right out in front of them and then would come the 1,000-year Kingdom that is prophesied. But God intervened (interrupted), opened up the timeline for 2,000 years for us in this Age of Grace; but now here we are almost in the same place. Israel is back in the land. The Roman Empire is reappearing there in Western Europe and when my next newsletter comes out, read it, because that’s going to be my main article – how that Western Europe is so rapidly becoming the power that will usurp the world as we go into the Tribulation period of time. But, remember, the Age of Grace, the Body of Christ, will not have to go through this terrible time! James 4:11a "Speak not evil one of another, (he’s talking to congregations of Jewish believers who had professed that Jesus of Nazareth was the Christ) brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the (what?) law, and judgeth the law:…" What’s he talking about? Well, the Mosaic Law and Judaism as they were practicing it. And so they were not to speak evil of the law and judgeth the Law. James 4:11b "…but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge." Which, of course, they were to be - doers of the Law. But, if instead of that, they’re going to be judges of the law, then they’re on what? Thin ice! Even for those Jewish believers at that time. They were still under the control of the Mosaic System.

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wri0thesley · 3 years

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can i request arranged marriage with toji and corruption please 🥰

wedding rings - toji x fem!reader (5k)

the zenin clan just can't stop meddling in toji's affairs. what's he supposed to do with the nervous little virgin who shows up on his doorstep and says that her family and his have said they have to get married? not fuck her?

warnings: not sfw/minors dni. arranged marriage. corruption kink. virgin reader. light cunnilingus, fingering, coming inside. light dub-con by nature of 'arranged marriage'. afab reader, fem pronouns.

[a/n: writing toji is always so much fun ;_; ]

When you showed up at Toji’s door with suitcase in hand, trembling lip and eyes all wide and frightened, he had laughed outright.

It was just like the fucking Zenin clan to be meddling in his life even now, wasn’t it? Even though Toji has abandoned them and slaughtered their ilk, their bullshit about bloodlines still leaks into every facet of what they do; and clearly the idea that Toji, even with his flawed lack of cursed energy, might be able to pass on the technique and hasn’t got a pretty little wife to impregnate yet had rankled them so badly that they’d sorted the whole situation out for him.

If he didn’t hate jujutsu society so much, he’d almost feel bad for you.

You’re clearly in the bloom of life; fresh-faced and innocent, not expecting to find yourself in Toji’s messy shithole of an apartment (why bother making it nice, when he spends so long out of it for work?). He wonders who you’ve pissed off to end up here.

As it turns out, you end up telling him yourself, a frown on your face.

Turns out, you’re . . . not quite just like him, but you’ve been fucked over by your clan just as much for not being able to be useful. You can see cursed spirits, but you’ve got no cursed energy, no technique – despite your clan usually producing good, dutiful, powerful wives. Disappointment of the family. He can understand what that feels like.

So they were probably glad to get rid of you. Might even hope you’ll bear Toji’s kid and it’ll have no technique to speak of itself, too – so both families can forget about you.

(Well, Toji thinks to himself with a grin – his family can’t forget about him, much as they want to, considering both his nickname and his line of work.)

He takes a sip of the glass of water he’s holding in his hand, green eyes focused very hard on you. You’re not in traditional clothing, like most clan members he knows would be; you’re wearing a pale blue dress that you keep tugging uncomfortably down over your thighs. Toji lets his eyes linger on your thighs, too – he might as well appreciate the view, he supposes.

Your suitcase is full of, as well as a collection of clothes in modest cut and soft, pastel colours, documents. Toji flips through some of them, nose wrinkling at the boring jargon. He does linger on a caveat about if you bear him children, they all have to take the Zenin name, and Toji and you will be ‘compensated handsomely’ for handing over the kid’s education and raising to the clan--

Bullshit.

Toji’s about to crumple them up on the floor and tell you to get the fuck out of his house, when he catches sight of you over the edge of the paper. You’ve drawn yourself in; shoulders tight, pretty mouth pressed into a tight line, eyes shining with a mixture between hope and fear. You look so lost. You look so innocent.

A little curl of heat makes itself known in the very base of Toji’s stomach; the thought of you being a good little wife, on your knees. The thought of him telling you exactly how to suck his cock.

He knows how the sorcerer clans raise women like you.

He knows you’ll be eager to please and obedient, falling over yourself to keep your man happy. He knows, too, that you’ll be pliant and agreeable – and that you’ll be pure as the driven snow. That thought gives him pause.

You’re seductive to him without realising it, in the totally guileless way you act, as if you don’t know that he’s considering how your tits would fill his hands and how tight your precious, untouched cunt would feel around his girth.

If he rejects you, what will your clan do?

You’re as fucked as him. He can see it in the shine of your eyes in his kitchen; you’re afraid he will throw you out, like he was thinking of. Leave you to fend for yourself on the streets of Japan, because there’s no way your family will want you back after even scum like Toji’s rejected you.

Would it be so bad?

He lets himself look at you critically. He takes in the curves, the dips, the contours of your body; the way you’d feel beneath him. Your face, and what it would look like lost in pleasure.

Perhaps it would be pleasant, to have someone to return to after a hit; to have someone warm his bed, curl around him, cook for him and take care of him. Perhaps it would be pleasant to take a pretty little virgin and break her into exactly what he wants in a woman. To teach her how he likes to fuck, how he likes her to act, to condition her until he can crook his finger at her and she’s bending over, presenting herself already slick and needy for his cock to use however he sees fit.

“Alright,” he says, draining the glass. “Sure, sweetheart. We’ll get married.”

Later on that night, he creeps into the spare room. You’re asleep on top of the covers in a cute pyjama set that’s all frills and froth and pale pink; elastic in the shorts digging into the flesh of your thighs, top clinging to the curve of your chest. His cock stirs in his pants looking at you. You’re so . . . innocent. There’s no mark to you; Toji wants to cling to your hips until there are bruises in the shape of his hands, wants to worry love-bites into your neck like a necklace, wants to ruin you until you’re tear-stained and whimpering and arching your hips up for him--

Calloused fingers trail along your skin. You’re so soft. Where Toji is all scars and muscle, your skin is like satin. You moan in your sleep, pretty face furrowing, and Toji wants to see your face creased in pleasure too. Your mouth drops open and he imagines thrusting his cock in it; how pretty and shiny your lips would look wrapped around his shaft, almost too big for you to even take.

“Look at you,” he murmurs, thumb skimming the exposed stomach where your pyjama top has ridden up. “Ripe for the picking, ain’t ya?”

Your eyes twitch. Eyebrows, furrow – and you blink your gaze awake, sticky-slow, to see your fiancee looming over you in the dark.

“What’re you—?” You ask, still sleep-laced, but Toji just makes a soft noise in the back of his throat.

“Just lookin’ at the merchandise, sweetheart,” he murmurs. “Wanna make sure you ain’t damaged, that’s all--”

“I—I’m not!” The cute little burst of outrage is ruined somewhat by the yawn that you have to suppress in the middle of it, but Toji grins.

He didn’t think the Zenins would send you if you weren’t – they wouldn’t want to risk the precious possibility of a kid born with power and technique not really being one of theirs – but it’s nice to hear your mouth confirm what he’s been suspecting and hoping is the truth.

“Aw, baby girl,” he says, keeping his voice low and even, trying to comfort you even as his hand is sliding further up, cupping one of your breasts (his palm brushes your nipple and he feels it harden beneath his touch, stiffening to a peak – he wants to see what you look like under there so badly), “C’mon, it’s fine. I ain’t gonna hurt you--”

“M-Mr Zenin,” you say, and the tremble in your voice is so cute. His cock is straining against the boxer shorts he wore to sleep in. You’re wide awake now; your eyes meeting his. “I—I know, but--”

He’s on the bed. He doesn’t miss how your gaze strays to his veined forearms, where the muscles bulge in his biceps, the carefully sculpted and maintained abdomen and pecs – he sees the swallow in your throat, the way your cute little tongue reaches out to swipe nervously over your lower lip.

Thumb brushes your collarbone and you shudder, your eyes fluttering closed at the sensation. He sees your thighs twitch, squeeze together – he’s willing to bet if he dipped his fingers into your slit right now, he’d pull his digits back out with your slick glimmering on them.

“Just call me Toji.”

“T-Toji—” Your voice pitches, shuddering with arousal that you don’t know how to handle. He’s heard that note in women’s voice before; that desperate ‘I want to be touched, but I know I shouldn’t want it’ wobble. He’s been the cause of it more times than he can count.

“S’okay,” he soothes, his other hand rounding over your hip, his knees nudging your legs apart. “You’re savin’ yourself for marriage, yeah? We’ll get the papers signed in the mornin’, I promise, botha our families are the kind to make sure things can be rushed through quick--”

“I—” You’re a little breathless, all needy and hot under his touch. It’s adorable. “I shouldn’t, please, it’s only a few days--”

“You want to.” It’s not a question. It’s a statement, as he curls his fingers about your hip, as he settles his own muscular thighs between yours and he sees that there’s a damp spot on the pale pink shorts. Soaked through your underwear and your nightwear? He forgot how sensitive virgins can be. “Don’t lie to yourself, angel.”

He leans down, scarred lips brushing yours. You taste like his toothpaste; peppermint on his tongue as he swipes it over your lower lip and you sigh as you allow him entrance. It’s the first mark of him on you, but he knows it won’t be the last. He deliberately presses his knee against your clothed mount, grinding it just a little – and you whimper into his mouth, heated and desperate.

“We’ll be married soon as,” he murmurs to you, pulling back, looking at you with lust darkening his eyes. No man has ever looked at you quite as hungrily as Toji is looking at you right now. And he’s so handsome, his touches gentle-- “You wanna be a good girl for me, right? S’just what a wife does for her husband, yeah?”

“Yes,” you breathe, and Toji grins at you. It’s a feral, starving grin, that you feel deep inside of you as you clench around nothing and burn to be touched.

He kisses you again, hungrier. He nips at your lower lip, his tongue roughly demanding entrance – he dances against your own. You’ve never really understood the idea of kissing with tongues, but Toji knows exactly what he’s doing; hitting a spot on the roof of your mouth that makes you shudder and gasp, your hands coming up to grasp his biceps.

The muscle underneath them is so solid, and Toji can’t help but notice how soft your hands are on him. He knows you’ll be that soft everywhere else, and the thought spurs him on.

“I’m gonna undress you now,” he tells you, thick and throaty. His big fingers curve under the hem of the lacy top you’re wearing, gently tugging it up over your stomach and then your breasts. That sharp green gaze caresses every newly bared inch of you, a soft sigh escaping his lips. “Fuckin’ hell. You’re a sight for sore eyes, sweetheart.”

Your skin feels hot under the compliment, Toji’s flat palm sliding along the softness of your tummy to round over your breasts. Your nipples have pebbled and stiffened in the cool air of the spare room, and Toji flicks his thumb along one (making you shiver, again, he notices) before he bends his head to suckle the bud into his mouth, his tongue lapping at it in a way that has your back arching and thighs clenching.

He chuckles at the noise you make as his lips pop off, and he turns his attention to the other side.

“Responsive, ain’t ya?” He asks. “You’re adorable.”

You give him a trembling breath as a response, which he takes as a sign to begin a trail of wet, open mouthed kisses down from your breasts to your stomach, tongue tracing the shape of your navel, teeth grazing your hips so gently that you barely feel them. He takes the waistband of your shorts in his mouth and tugs those down using your teeth, and the vision of him between your legs like that--

“Ha,” he says, as his fingers reach to tug them, expertly manipulating your legs so he can get them off without moving from between them. “Careful there, darlin’. You’re gonna soak right through the sheets.”

His mouth, again – kissing firmly against the wet patch on your underwear, his breath fiery hot. His mouth is solid enough that you feel the jolt that goes through you as his nose pushes against your clit, even through the cotton. Toji almost smirks at how much of a cliché the white cotton underwear trimmed with pale pink lace is, but the scent of you is too heady for him to want to do anything but bury his head between your thighs.

Lower. He kisses all over your slit, hard enough that you jerk, ruing the barrier between you two. His thumb strokes circles into your inner thigh--

He seems content to kiss at you through the fabric – but really, he’s waiting for you to give in. To beg him to take them off. From just how wet his face is even with the barrier in his way, he doesn’t think it will be long – and you do not disappoint. You raise your whips, softly mewling;

“Please, I –”

“Please, what, darlin’?” He asks you. “C’mon, you can use your words – no secrets from your husband, right?”

“I—” You’re so cute, squirming and feeling like a slut for him. He loves it. He loves the tremble of your body and the fact that your eyes are glassy with need. “P-please take my underwear off, I wanna--” You swallow. “W-wanna feel without it--”

“Aww, y’should’ve just said so,” Toji says. Fingers pry beneath the gusset.

He doesn’t bother manipulating your body this time. He simply tugs hard enough to split the seams, the fabric delicate from being saturated in your slick.

(Doesn’t matter, anyway. While he’s home, you won’t be wearing underwear.)

You gasp at the display of strength, swallowing – and Toji grins at you again. Oh, you like that? He’s got more shows of strength where that came from, don’t you worry.

He props up your knees with his hands and says;

“Wrap your hands around these, keep your legs spread for me like a good girl, yeah?”

You nod, shyly averting your gaze as you do just that and the position spreads you open lewdly; your velvet-soft folds bared entirely to Toji’s hungry eyes.

You’re already absolutely dripping, but Toji can see that you’re nervous.

“Don’t worry,” he soothes you, again. He can’t help but notice how small you look; the pearl of your clit nestled between curling soft petals, your pulsing hole. He knows you’ll take him, but . . . fuck, he thinks you’ll be a stretch. Not that that’s a bad thing. “I’m gonna open you up, darlin’, alright?”

“Y-yeah,” your voice is tremulous, soft – and sends a throb right to his cock. It’s been straining against his boxer shorts since the moment he saw you, but your eyes all big and glossy with trust and the vulnerable position you’re in and the knowledge you have never been touched like this are really doing a number on it.

But fuck it, he’s not gonna hurt you more than he has to if he’s really going to keep you around. He gently spreads your plump labia lips even further apart with his fingers, so your clit stands swollen to attention. You shiver under his calloused fingers, as he leans in and a hot wash of breath fans over you.

Toji’s tongue darts out to lap a long, slow stripe from perineum to clit, and though he can’t see your face any more, he hears the way you whimper.

Another. He lets himself soak his face in your slick; lets his tongue get deep between your folds. You taste so good on his tongue; honey-sticky and sugar-sweet. The tip of the wet muscle gently flickers against your clit and your hands are suddenly wrapped in his hair, your chest heaving in sensitive gasps. You keep your legs raised, so he decides to be kind. He eases his lips off of you for a moment to mumble, amused;

“Don’t pull too hard, I’m too young to be losin’ my hair--”

Before he dives back in between your legs, once more licking and sucking at the tender flesh. Your stomach explodes in fireworks, your heart beating so fast you can hear it in your ears. Toji’s mouth and tongue against you is a wet, lascivious noise that at once makes your toes curl in pleasure and cringe in embarrassment. Is it awful and forward of you to be enjoying yourself like this? Your family have always drilled into you that a proper wife isn’t a slut, but still does what her husband wants--

Toji’s not your husband yet, but this is fine, right? To have him eating you out like you’re a desert oasis? His lips lock around your clit and he sucks and your vision whites out for a second, your hands tugging hard at the dark hair in your grip--

And he comes away with a light laugh that still manages to shiver with seduction. His face is shiny with you as he looks at you with eyes half-lidded and still hungry.

“What’d I say, huh?” He teases you. “Angel, I could have fucked you with my tongue all night--” He likes seeing how the crude words make you flinch, nervous but pleased but ashamed all warring within you. Your lips are pushed forward, the moue almost petulant. His voice drops a tone. “Don’t look at me with that cute pout. You don’t know what it does to me.”

If he didn’t still need to stretch you out using his fingers, he’d take a moment to kiss you so you could taste yourself and just how needy you’d been for him on his lips. But he’s still driving a hole through his boxers, so . . . the sooner you’re able to take him, the better.

You’ve gone back to holding your legs apart with your hands. Excellent.

Besides. He hadn’t finished what he was doing, and he thinks it’ll be easier to fuck you if you’ve already come once. Your poor, swollen clit hasn’t had all the attention it deserves. You’re being so cute, so well-behaved for him--

“Relax,” he says, softly, as he eases his fingers from spreading you open, dipping them in the mess he’s made of your slit. “This might sting a bit--”

One finger finds your hole; circles the sensitive entrance, making the muscles in your thighs tremble. But you keep your legs spread open for him like a good girl, and he’s able to gently push his index finger in, first to one knuckle, then to the second, and then to the ones at the base.

“Good girl,” he breathes, barely able to breathe at how tight you feel around him. Your insides are silky and hot and wet, clinging to him like a lifeboat in the sea. He pumps the lone finger in and out of you, rubbing the pad against the inside of your walls until he finds the spot that makes you throw your head back and give him a long, choked moan. “There we go,” he keeps talking to you, softly, like you’re a spooked animal. “’M gonna put the second one in, yeah? You’re takin’ it like a champ, sweetheart. You wanted this, huh?”

You babble something that he doesn’t care enough to listen to but overall sounds positive. This one’s a stretch, his middle finger and index finger even tighter. But he needs to get three in you, he thinks, or you’ll never take his cock. You let go of your thighs, and he sucks in a breath – but your feet clearly need purchase on the bed, your fingers twisting in bedsheets now they can’t twist in his hair, and you breathe through the stretch so he figures it’d be churlish to tell you off for it now.

He keeps hitting that spot as he fucks you slowly on his fingers, until he can feel your cunt sucking him in, pulsing around him.

“Third finger,” he tells you, his own throat dry. “Next time I fuck you with this one, you’ll feel my weddin’ ring--”

You tighten around the other two at that. Cute. Three fingers opening you wide, scissoring inside of you, aches – but you’re being so good for him, the most that’s coming out of your mouth sweet little whines. Toji rewards you by crooking them inside you against that spot, his thumb coming to gently rub circles into your swollen clit.

He’s been teasing you for too long, and you are a virgin – it’s no surprise that the stimulation proves too much for you too quickly, and you arch your back at the same time as fireworks go off inside of you, your cunt fluttering around his fingers, tightening and loosening as waves of euphoria wash over you.

You soak Toji’s fingers with the rush of your release; the gush of liquid.

He whistles, low and impressed. So you’re a squirter, huh? Toji doesn’t mind that at all. It’s not like he’ll be doing the laundry – and it’s kind of hot, to look down at you and see what a mess he’s made of your little virgin cunt--

“That’s it,” he says, guiding you over the last low crests of your orgasm. “I think y’can take me now, sweetheart. Let’s get you comfy--”

He shows off his strength a bit, because he knows it will get you going despite the sensitivity of your body from your recent orgasm. You’re man-handled by him higher on the bed, so your head is on the mountain of pillows you’ve slipped down. He can pick you up as if you weigh nothing at all, despite the creak of the bedsprings clearly saying the opposite.

Your legs are urged to wrap around his hips.

“Don’t worry,” he tells you, again. He doesn’t think he’s ever reassured a fuck as carefully and constantly as he’s reassuring you; but then again, he’s never intended to marry one of his fucks before.

You, though – you’re so adaptable. So untouched. So different from women and men who come onto him at bars and flutter eyelashes and make soft little insinuations. He can corrupt you into exactly what he wants, and the thought of you knowing nothing but his cock forever and serving him like he’s the only man in the world--

It’s enough to make a lesser man come in his pants.

“You’re tired, yeah? I’ll do most of the work. You lie there and take it like the sweetheart you are.”

He’s shucked his underwear off in the man-handling, and now he shifts so that you can see the full glory of what he’s packing. Your eyes widen.

He gets that a lot. Even for a virgin who’s probably never seen a cock before, it’s obvious that Toji’s the real deal – you swallow, nervous, and whisper;

“I—what if it doesn’t fit--?”

(There’s a tremble of fear in there, that you’ve fucked up; that he still might throw you aside if you can’t take him, and now you’ve been utterly ruined.)

“Hey,” he says, all comforting and appeasing, “I ain’t hurt you yet, have I?” You shake your head, but your bottom lip is still trembling. “I’m gonna go slow with you, I promise.” He shifts forward again, the head of his cock catching against your entrance. “Just keep your eyes on me, darlin’. I promise, it’ll feel so good . . . you wanna keep your husband happy, don’t ya? I’ve already got you all stretched and prepped. Just breathe--”

He keeps up the steady stream of talk as he urges his hips forward, your cunt swallowing the head of his cock first before he’s able to push more of his shaft in. You keep your eyes on his, green eyes locked against yours – and though he can hear the shake in your chest, you don’t make any noise louder than a huff when he gets two thirds of the way in. He pauses there for a minute, letting you adjust – he can feel every minute tremble of your body, swears he can hear your heartbeat.

“Good?” He asks, and you nod – and he slides the last third of himself inside you in the same unhurried pace, until he’s settled hot and heavy entirely inside of you.

His eyes map your stomach, pleasure rushing through him at how big he must be inside of you; there’s the lightest shadow on your pelvis, as if he’s big enough to make your stomach bulge. He takes in the sight of you with all nine inches of him buried inside of you; the sore, spread-wide stretch of your cunt around him, the creamy ring of your pleasure where you’re joined.

He can’t fuck you vigorously – he thinks he’d fucking breakyou - but you’re tight enough that he’s getting plenty of stimulation just from keeping his cock in there.

“P-please,” you manage to form, through your swollen lips and your glassy eyes and your dry throat. “W-want you to fuck me, Toji--”

Oh, fucking hell.

You’re perfect.

“I will, sweetheart, don’t you worry,” he instinctively leans down and presses a kiss on your sweat-soaked forehead, flexing his hips so they withdraw the smallest amount. “Just lie there and take it for me--”

You do.

He doesn’t fuck into you with abandon, though he wants to more than he can say; plenty of time for that in the future, as your cunt moulds to his cock and it isn’t such an effort to get it inside of you. Plenty of time for you to learn just how hard he wants to rail you, until you’re covered in his bruises and there are friction burns on your knees – plenty of time for him to show you every depraved thing you make him want to do to you and make sure that you enjoy it.

He fucks you with slow, shallow strokes, taking most of his pleasure from the way you feel around of him; your eyes, your mouth, your heaving chest. You’re hot and tight and wet and grip him perfectly – his fingers digging into your thighs where they’re wrapped around his hips.

He’s been hard for what seems like hours, so it’s no surprise, either, that he feels his orgasm come quickly up on him like a steam train – it’s not like you’re going to shame him for coming quickly, you’ve never even been fucked before. So he lets the heat all gather low in his belly until he can feel himself teetering on the edge – and then, he dips his head and pulls you into a heated kiss as he grinds his hips in a circular motion inside of you and feels himself tip over the precipice.

His cock shudders and judders inside of you, shooting rope after rope of his come deep into your body; thick and hot and full. His teeth worry at your bottom lip almost hard enough to draw blood, the groan vibrating through you as he comes and pushing you into another short, trembling orgasm as if trying to milk him dry of everything that he can give you.

(You like him coming inside? He can work with that too.)

Your thighs are tight around his hips, your arms draping loosely about his neck as he kisses you. Your tongue nervously probes at the scar; the slightly raised line bisecting his mouth, and though he usually doesn’t like it being noticed or touched (he knows it gives him an air of danger, but sometimes the events surrounding it’s acquirement sting), he finds that with you he doesn’t mind.

With you, his eyes flicker closed and he just enjoys the closeness and warmth of your body, even as he gently pulls his cock out of you (you leak slick onto the bedsheets, again. He’s gonna have to buy some more laundry tablets).

“How’s that, darlin?” He murmurs to you, not moving from his comfortable place on top of you. “Glad y’didn’t save it for marriage now, huh?”

Your cheeks radiating heat is enough answer for him, Toji’s smirk so wide and smug that it threatens to split his face in two. He flops to one side of you, pulling you in, cradling you against him like a little spoon. He can’t help but notice that the curve of your body fits perfectly against his.

The two of you will fit even better in Toji’s bed, he thinks.

“We’ll get all the paperwork and shit sorted tomorrow,” he tells you, as he feels your breathing begin to even out, the tremors from your orgasm begin to fade. He could get used to this too. Someone warming his bed. Someone to cuddle up to on cold nights. Someone soft, to ease the loneliness he hadn’t realised he was feeling.

He doesn’t want to get sappy on you, though. He lowers his face to the shell of your ear, breathing gently, murmuring in a voice that’s still dripping with desire for everything you represent to him;

“The other stuff that goes with a marriage too. I wasn’t kiddin’ about wantin’ to finger you with my wedding ring on, darlin’.”

#toji x reader #toji fushiguro x reader #toji smut #toji fushiguro smut #toji x you #toji fushiguro x you #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #not sfw #writing #afab reader #fem pronouns #dub con for ts #jjk writing #5555 follower event #jjk posting

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morgana-ren · 3 years

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Astarion going all possessive over the first human he ever feeds from is just so good. I like to think you're almost friends at the point he asks, at least to your eyes. He's definitely attracted to you, enjoys your spirit, the banter, but maybe he's feigning the friendliness just a little in order to see what he can get out of you. Its entertainment. This new freedom away from his master is exciting, even with the parasite. He's having fun.

After convincing you to submit for that first drink he starts seeing you as a food source. And like any good predator starts to get possessive over that food source. Starts seeing you more as a pet. A pet that he can feed from, tease and play with, and shove his cock into when ever he wants.

Wants to mark you up so those other irritating companions know you're his, maybe some of his old master's ideas and behaviours were not too horrific after all, they make sense now.

You're everything he needs in one cute little package and he's never letting you go

Oh, absolutely.

Astarion’s mind has absolutely been twisted after some hundred years of suffering under the cruel and sadistic wrath of Cazador. Think of it like repeatedly putting a burning hot metal pan under ice cold water over and over and over until it warps into a new shape entirely. What this means (to me at least) is that even if he is genuinely affectionate towards you- even if he legitimately likes you- you are still viewed as something to be coveted, something to own. He views things through a corrupted lens now, and his affections reflect that.

It takes 7 years to brainwash a human into believing something completely new. To take a healthy human mind and fully convince it of a new and undisputed reality. To lay low your defenses, to coerce you into believing something is true wholeheartedly, no matter how absurd.

Now imagine what Cazador can do with over a century.

Astarion clearly retained his mind and some sense of rebellion, but I think that was intentional on Cazador’s part. He liked the suffering, the unwillingness to submit mentally to his own torture and degradation. But oh, what it must have done to everywhere else in Astarion’s head. Left it rather a dark little mess.

It’s pragmatic at first. You’re willing to let him, a filthy vampire, drink from you. Willing. Astarion is cutthroat in his survival instinct, and he’d be a goddamn fool to not utilize that. Everything else- your wit, your charm, that you’re enjoyable company- is just a bonus. He’s made it clear that he prefers delectable human blood to that of the beasts, and he’s a bit spoiled because of you. You let him drink from you that one night, and now any time he’s sucking down a bit of boar or bear, he can’t help but lament that it’s not rich human blood he’s indulging in.

As time goes on, it becomes simply unbearable. Sustaining himself on swill night after night when you’re right there, sleeping peacefully by the fire with your tender little neck looking so inviting. He’s thought about partaking in the others, of course, but they’ve all made it clear that they’d rend his flesh from his bones if he tried. Besides, why bother with them when you’re right there, all sweet and pretty and willing.

He propositions you at the party, and damn you, you accept. It’s been hundreds of years since he’s had someone wrapped around his cock, and by the Gods, you’re happy to do it in every blissful sense of the word. He’s not sure if it’s just the sheer timespan and contrast of knowing nothing but cruel, torturous hands to your soft, little ones clawing across him or if it’s something about you in specific, but he decides on the cusp of orgasm that you belong to him. You offer him your neck with him buried deep in your hot, velvet insides, your thighs sticky sweet with arousal he’s coaxed from you and he vows that now that he’s sunk his teeth in, he’s not letting go.

He’s not sure exactly how you view your little tryst. You were eager to let him mount you, but not reluctant to let him go in the morning. It could just be meaningless stress sex between companions, or maybe a bit more, but if it’s not, that’s something he’s going to have to breathe life into. You have to want him, to need him, and even to trust him with your life because ultimately, if he has his way, it’s going to belong to him.

Of course he can’t just tell you this. This takes finesse. You’re not a pet that he can simply purchase from the store and claim ownership of... unfortunately. So instead he lures you slowly. Spends more time with you, shares little bits of his life to endear himself to you. Starts getting a bit more flirtatious openly (much to everyone else’s disgust). Occasionally he’ll pull you into a dark corner and steal a kiss or three. You seems surprised at this, but it’s not unwelcome, and you let him get away with these little trespasses even as Shadowheart makes her disappointment known and Lae’zel scolds you both openly for it.

At night by the fire, he’ll whine to you about how hard it is. About how once a vampire has had human blood, everything else tastes like rot. How taxing it is to hunt feral wildlife night after night, expending the measly strength it gives him only hours after. How bandit and goblin blood just doesn’t compare to the sweetness that sings to him from within your veins, enticing him and drawing him further into madness every time he’s near you.

He’s exaggerating, naturally, but it’s not far off.

You, sweet thing, take pity on him. You can’t sustain him fully- not yet- but you’ll let him take little nibbles if he promises to show self control. Just tiny little indulgences that get him through the day. Just enough to leave you a bit woozy, dizzy from the gentle suck on your neck and his hands that roam freely over your body.

He starts slinking his way into your bedroll more often- so often, in fact, that the others start demanding you take your little rolls in the hay somewhere else so they can get some bloody sleep. He, naturally, teases you about being such a noisy little thing, but obliges. Little do you know, getting you away from prying eyes as much as possible is the main focus here, as lovely as the fringe benefits are.

It’s there in the darkness far beyond the shadows cast by the fire that he can draw you more into him. Lure you with his blasphemous whispers and plant ideas in your head that he can tend lovingly until they grow. About how fearsomely he fights at your side. How he’d do anything to keep you safe. About how you don’t need his protection (of course not) but he gives it freely to you because you are so fragile, so small compared to him. You are mortal, after all, and he plans on being the most powerful vampire in the realms. You’re capable, but ultimately, can you really compare?

At first this makes you laugh, because clearly you are not fragile. You’ve taken threats that would make others flee in terror. You’ve faced down hags and goblin encampments and gnolls, even an ogre that one time he tempted you into interrupting its ‘private time.’ Surely, that’s proof enough that you’re not some damsel in distress that requires his saving.

He’s swift to remind you of his presence during all of these battles, and how many times did he place an arrow between the eyes of one threat or another to keep them from striking a blow on you? How often has he been there to cut the throat of some villain bearing down on you? How frequent has it been that he’s guarded you when Shadowheart had not the strength to heal you and supplies were running dreadfully low?

It’s a careful process, but he’s patient. Worth it, when you start to lean more into him. Start to look to him over others for council. Keep so, so close to him in dark places where monsters lurk in the dark that could spill your precious blood with a single swipe. You start to cling to him, both in and out of battle,

And aren’t you just the prettiest little prize? Obnoxiously so. Your presence demands respect- attention. Even from other members in your party that resent how he’s managed to monopolize your time and affection. When a small group works together for long enough, it’s a given that some might develop feelings, but this one is his. Still, they rudely seek to interject, to drive a wedge between him and his pet, and he simply cannot have that.

You’re hesitant to let him take the blade to your skin at first, as most would be. After all, you’ve seen him kill countless with it Seen how effectively he can wield it and shuddered at the violence in its wake. Doesn’t it hurt? Doesn’t it ache terribly?

But that’s not fair, he tuts you. You’ve asked about his scars, have you not? Wanted to know all the sorry, sordid details? And he told you, even as it pained him terribly, because you wanted to understand. Don’t you want to understand him? Didn’t you want to know everything he went through? Did he make a mistake in trusting you? Don’t you trust him?

He promises it will be quick and clean, but most of all, barely even scar at all. Much, much less than was forced upon him. A little memento of your time together, should you choose to part ways after all this nasty business is over. Hardly noticeable. A bonding activity, really.

So you let him. Far from the nosy members of your party, you dig your nails into his thigh as you lie across his lap as he traces it. First once, then twice. A third time for good measure. It feels bigger than he promised you it would be, but he’s already on edge from rejection, so you keep your mouth shut. What’s one more scar, anyways? You risk them every day when you venture forth, so this- this is nothing, right?

And oh, how he beams with pride when it’s finished. A lovely ‘A’ in practiced scripting stark red and weeping on your pretty skin. He leaves plenty of room for the letters to come, but he won’t push it tonight. You’re so tense, clearly in pain, but he licks at the wound until it’s clean and comforts you, asks you if you can imagine hours of that, like he endured.

That stiffens your upper lip, and it’s a bit of a shame. You’re awfully cute when you’re all trembling and weak beneath him. Still, plenty of time.

He rewards you with hours of pleasure for being such a good girl. For doing as he asked like an obedient darling should, even despite your initial reservations. He knows it’s about conditioning you to obey, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t finding reasons to crawl between your legs at this rate. Gods, you like him enough to let him do whatever he wants to you now. Hand on your throat, his teeth sinking into the swell of your breast, begging him so sweetly for more even if it pains you.

He can have you any way he likes, and he fully intends to do just that. A pretty, pliant little thing mewling around his cock, milking him dry with every hole you have. You’re dangerous that way, so easy to lose himself in the tight, wet swaddle of your body that constricts him so snugly every single time, your sticky, clinging insides just begging to be defiled over and over and over. He’s a glutton for pleasure, and aren’t you just an endless font of it?

Things like this, they do tend to take time. Time to break down your will, your confidence, the very proverbial bones that keep you standing on your own two feet. Clipping your wings until you can no longer soar and can sit pretty and tame like the pet you are inside the gilded cage he’s constructing just for you. He’ll keep you close always. He imagines you’ll make a ravishing vampire. Not a vampire lord like he’ll become, of course. He can’t risk you getting any ideas like he had with his old master, but he can’t have you dying on him from insignificant things like age.

Oh yes, things like this, they do indeed take time; Patience honed over centuries and a precise yet firm hand. Breaking someone isn’t for the faint of heart, but he’s learned for the best. So lucky lucky for him, he has both of those things in spades.

It’s all just a matter of time.

#Astarion #Morgana and friends #Astarion x reader #but make it dark #woohoo nasty man #evil timeline #evil again but wanna be loved #he just wont admit it cause love is WEAK #so he has to subjugate you and own you instead #cw manipulation #nsft too so

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sundayswiththeilluminati · 3 years

Text

What Cristabel Did

EXTENSIVE SPOILERS for Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth below. If you haven’t read both books, skip the rest of this post. In fact just get off tumblr and go read them instead. I guarantee they’re better than anything else you’ll find here.

I think I know why John Gaius didn’t tell his disciples about the perfect Lyctorhood, and I don’t think it had to do with sharing power or with AL. I think it’s the same reason why Augustine and Mercymorn hate each other, why Anastasia was the only one to figure out the Eightfold Word, and why Mercy doesn’t want to hear her cavalier’s name.

tl;dr I think Cristabel and Alfred tried to kill some number of the original disciples, forcing them to try for lyctorhood before the ritual was fully understood, and John kept quiet because he didn’t want to tell them they’d killed their cavaliers for nothing.

The handwritten note at the end of the sermon on cavaliers and necromancers says, “valancy says one flesh one end sounds like instructions for a sex toy. can’t stop thinking about that so can someone stop cris and alfred before the sex toy phrase catches on, thanks.” This early in the Nine Houses’ history the entire concept of necromancer and cavalier is still being figured out. It sounds like Cristabel and Alfred were the main drivers behind the idea of the cavalier-necromancer relationship as a formal, sacred oath, coming up with the phrase “one flesh, one end” in the process. Much much later Silas Octakiseron brands the ritual of lyctorhood a mortal sin and heresy as soon as he hears what it entails, because he treats the cavalier-necromancer bond as a sacrament akin to a holy marriage. To trespass against that bond, he declares, was to sin against the Emperor himself. The sermon before the handwritten note backs up that idea, talking about the combination as having all sorts of profound religious symbolism.

Therefore: what if the disciples were working on the ritual of lyctorhood and hadn’t yet figured the cavalier didn’t have to die, when Cristabel and Alfred decided they had to take action to keep any of them from trying? What if, like Silas in Canaan House, Cristabel decided the idea of the adept killing their cavalier was rank heresy and had to be prevented by any means necessary, and convinced Alfred of it as well? Cristabel was from the Eighth House, though early enough that it may not have taken on its hardline personality - then again, perhaps Cristabel’s actions are why it did take on that hardline personality. Augustine calls her an idiot, but also “a fanatic,” and his own brother someone who “regretted that he wasn’t.”

Augustine says that he became a lyctor “under scrambling pressure,” and when Harrow tells the Emperor that she became a lyctor under duress, he replies, “You aren’t the first.” Then when Augustine is talking to John about Alfred, he says, “I have built an entire myriad on the idea that I could’ve made him come around, given five minutes.” That’s in response to John saying, “No one could make him do anything he didn’t want to.” That could mean either Augustine thinks he could have talked Alfred into willingly dying to perform the ritual, or that he could have talked Alfred out of doing something else dire. The way John phrases it makes me think it’s the latter, because in the context of the conversation they’re discussing Cristabel’s influence, and John knows that the lyctoral ritual can be performed even if the cavalier is unwilling.

So: Cristabel and Alfred decide that they need to do whatever it takes to keep the other disciples from performing the ritual. Either by accident or design, they put Augustine in a situation where he’s facing imminent death - maybe not intentionally on Alfred’s part, but it happens. Augustine chooses to kill his brother and take in his soul to survive as a lyctor, becoming the first to ascend. This fits with Augustine’s loathing of Mercymorn, who in his mind forced him to murder his brother; of his own immortality, since it was gained at the cost of murdering family; and of necromancy in general. He has to convince himself that he could have talked Alfred into making the sacrifice if there were time to ask because otherwise the guilt will destroy him.

After ascension, Augustine’s probably fighting Alfred’s soul, but he’s a powerful spirit magician. Like Ianthe he may be scattered but he’s still present. So now he rounds on Cristabel and probably mortally wounds her. He means to finish the job but Mercymorn intervenes, alerted to what’s happening by all the chaos. She finds her cavalier dying. Cristabel asks her to avenge her and kill Augustine and, since she’s already dying, to use her soul to do it. Mercy finishes Cristabel off and swallows her soul, becoming the second lyctor. So from the very beginning Mercymorn is absolutely set on Augustine’s death and blames him for Cristabel’s death and, in an indirect way, forcing her to become a lyctor as well.

After that it gets a little fuzzy. Events could go several different ways and we just don’t have enough info. I favor the idea that maybe the rampage continues - or maybe Cristabel and Alfred had set all of them up to be in mortal peril (possibly in space, where an adept’s powers won’t work but a lyctor’s would) - because of Mercy’s quote at Cytherea’s funeral: “I never saw her cry except once. The day after. When we put together the research. When she became a Lyctor. I said, There was no alternative. She said, We had the choice to stop.” Mercy saying “there was no alternative” and Cytherea answering with “we had the choice to stop” makes me think everyone was in duress. Mercy saying, “the day after. When we put together the research,” makes me think that they hadn’t fully pieced together the ritual even though six people had already ascended; Augustine improvised. “The day after” also makes me think that most of the lyctors ascended in a single night. If Augustine through Cassiopeia ascended in a group, only Cytherea and Anastasia would be left. Loveday volunteered for the rite in hopes of curing Cytherea, so that’s a non-distress motive for them to ascend as well. That leaves only Anastasia, who now has plenty of time to figure it out on her own.

Where’s John in all this? Remember what Ianthe said when she was trying to regrow her arm? She thought John would tell her to try it on her own first to build her own skill. Maybe John was letting his disciples work out lyctorhood on their own, expecting that they’d figure out the full ritual in time. If they’d planned to try the imperfect ritual, he probably would have stepped in and said, “No, no one has to die, yes now you’re mad at me because I knew the answer all along but it was a learning experience okay.” But because Augustine had to make a scrambling improvisation, John didn’t get the chance to intervene. So before he can do anything, Augustine and Mercy, plus some number of the middle four, have already killed their cavaliers and swallowed their souls (meaning no resurrection). He’s faced with the choice of telling them that those murders weren’t necessary, or keeping the secret and letting Loveday and Cytherea go through with the imperfect ritual. John tells himself that it’ll hurt them all too much if he tells them they killed their cavaliers for nothing, and Loveday’s willing to die already. He stays quiet.

That leaves only Anastasia. With the benefit of time and the others’ experience, Anastasia realizes the ritual can be done without killing the cavalier. She plays this close to the vest, uncertain of her results and unwilling to traumatize the others unless she’s sure. Just in case she’s right, she bans everyone except John from watching her attempt. If she succeeds and Samael lives, they can figure out how to break it to the others. But something goes wrong - or John sabotages her - and Samael dies, leaving Anastasia thinking she didn’t have it right after all.

A myriad later, John and the other lyctors have yet to allow or invite any other adepts to attain lyctorhood, believing the cost is too high. But now they’re down to four lyctors and three Resurrection Beasts, and those four lyctors are showing the strain. So John invites the heirs and their cavaliers to Canaan House. He knows his first disciples left the necessary information behind to put together the rite - only the imperfect rite, but that’s okay because this time there won’t be anyone making the choice under duress. As he tells Harrow, “I intended for the new Lyctors to become Lyctors after thinking and contemplating and genuinely understanding their sacrifice—an act of bravery, not an act of fear and desperation. Nobody was meant to lose their lives unwillingly at Canaan House.” If the cavaliers are okay with it, he’s not on the hook, he reasons. He’ll keep his secret and get new lyctors without any fresh guilt on his conscience.

Except of course it doesn’t work out that way. As usual, John’s future plans are sabotaged by his past plans coming back to haunt him. He ends up gaining one and a half lyctors at the unexpected cost of one old lyctor, so that’s a net gain of half a lyctor with several heirs dead in the process. And then an even newer plan gets sabotaged by an even older plan, leaving him with one and a half, possibly two functioning lyctors. Meanwhile Camilla and Palamedes are out there probably as a functional lyctor-cavalier pair that he doesn’t know about, because Palamedes has been stuck in freeze-frame hell for long enough to come to the same conclusions as Anastasia. It’s not gonna go well for John, ey?

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