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aragornsrockcollection · 2 years

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Hello I’m here to talk about an opinion that isn’t so much unpopular because people don’t like it, but because it is splitting hairs and basically an argument based in semantics that sane people reasonably do not waste their time caring about it.

I am neither sane nor reasonable and therefore think about this a lot, and get ready to pull out a soapbox and type the Text Wall of China any time I hear people offhandedly contradict this opinion, and so I have come here today to die on this molehill, and write the over-long post of my dreams, because fuck it, it’s my blog.

Drumroll please:

Sauron is not The Lord of the Rings

The Lord of the Rings is the main antagonist though, so furthermore,

Sauron is not the main antagonist of The Lord of the Rings

I internally go insane every time someone says “Sauron, the eponymous Lord of the Rings” or “The antagonist never actually appears in Lord of the Rings” or uses Lord of the Rings as an penultimate example of having a flat ‘evil for evil’s sake’ villain. This is mostly in YouTube videos so I’m not calling out anyone here.

So who is the Lord of the Rings? Where do I get this shit? Why should anyone care?

I will tell you in far too much detail under this cut, because I told you I was gonna be extra about it and this is already long enough to inflict on my followers without their consent.

First and foremost, Frodo is not the Lord of the Rings either. Let’s get that out of the way. Gandalf explicitly tells us that in Many Meetings (the first chapter in Rivendell in Fellowship), when Pippin greets a newly awakened Frodo with quintessential Fool of a Took™️ swagger.

‘Hurray!’ cried Pippin, springing up. ‘Here is our noble cousin! Make way for Frodo, Lord of the Ring!’

‘Hush!’ Said Gandalf from the shadows at the back of the porch. ‘Evil things do not come into this valley; but all the same we should not name them. The Lord of the Ring is not Frodo, but the master of the Dark Tower of Mordor, whose power is again stretching out over the world! We are sitting in a fortress. Outside it is getting dark.’

So that’s my theory busted right off the bat! Gandalf straight up tells us the Lord of the Ring is Sauron (‘the master of the Dark Tower of Mordor’ which is Sauron).

But I already told you, this is a hair-splitting semantics-based theory! He said Sauron was the Lord of the Ring. Not the Lord of the RingS. Yes, this whole theory revolves around a single letter difference between the title of the series and Gandalf’s statement, WHAT OF IT?

But in all seriousness. Tolkien was a linguist. There was no way this choice was not deliberate, not on something so important to the narrative. And there is a very important difference between what he is referring to when he uses ‘The Ring” singular, and “The Rings” plural. The Ring that Frodo carried to Mordor has it’s singular nature highly emphasized by the language that surrounds it. THE definite article Ring, the ONE Ring. Just the One. Singular Singular Singular.

The Rings (plural) refers to the rings of power which Celebrimbor wrought, with Sauron’s help, but Sauron is objectively not the Lord of those rings. Not the three Elven ones at least, which he never touched and only suspects the location of. Without his One Ring he has no power over the Three, and a big problem with him regaining his Ring is that he would gain power over those rings, the ringbearers, and the safe realms that had been wrought with them, basically crippling those with the power to resist him.

Him NOT having the Ring, and therefore NOT having lordship over all the rings, is a pretty major plot point. Like, it’s not a reach to say Sauron not having the Ring is what drives the entire story. And he is NOT the Lord of the Rings without it.

And he never gains it, so is the whole series named after Sauron’s aspirations, that the main characters are trying to prevent? I mean, from an angle yes. But also no.

Because while Pippin and Gandalf’s exchange is the closest we come in the text to seeing the title, let me show you the only place within the covers that “The Lord of the Rings” is presented, at least in my beat up third hand 70’s edition. It may not be formatted like this in other editions, but I still think it says something about how we are supposed to read the title:

[Image ID: Masking tape can clearly be seen holding together my poor abused copy of Fellowship, open to the title page. THE LORD OF THE RINGS is written across the top of the page in all caps, directly below it is the Ring Poem, as if The Lord of the Rings is a the title not only of the series but of the poem. /.End ID]

The One Ring is the Lord of the Rings, not Sauron, who is the Lord of the Ring.

“What?” Say imaginary naysayers in my head, “How can a Ring be a Lord? And why does this matter, if Sauron is the Lord of the Ring, doesn’t that make him the Lord of the Rings by proxy? Why are you wasting your and my time making an argument about this?”

I’m glad you asked imaginary naysayer, let me speak to your first point. How can a ring be a Lord? Well, like any good first time speechwriter, I’ve turned to Miriam Webster, and asked it to define a word we already know, in this case ‘lord.’

[Image ID: Screenshot of the Miriam Webster definition of ‘lord.’ The ones that are relevant are 1: One having power and authority over others. 1a: A ruler by hereditary right or preeminence to whom service and obedience are due. And 1f: One that has achieved mastery or that exercises leadership or great power in some area /.End ID]

In the poem, it is the Ring that is spoken of as ruling, not Sauron. Sauron is actually listed in the same position as all the others who receive rings, “The Dark Lord on his Dark Throne” occupying the same place in the sentence structure as the “the Elven-kings under the sky” and “the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone” and “Mortal Men doomed to die.” It is the One Ring, not Sauron, who rules them all, fulfilling our first definition “A ruler by hereditary right or preeminence.” In this case it would be by right of preeminence, or superiority. The One Ring outclasses the other rings and thus dominates them, binding them to obedience and service. Gandalf calls it “the Master-Ring” when it is first revealed for what it is in Bag-End with the words appearing from the flame.

The Ring has it’s own will too. It’s repeatedly stated to be in control of Gollum when Gandalf is first telling us about it. I’m literally so spoiled for quotes about this that I was paralyzed with indecisiveness over what to use but let’s keep it simple with this one. It’s from Gandalf explaining why Gollum didn’t have the Ring allowing Bilbo to come upon it in the chapter “Shadows of the Past” from Fellowship:

‘It was not Gollum, Frodo, but the Ring itself that decided things. The Ring left him.’

So if Sauron is the Lord of the Ring, and the Ring is the Lord of the Rings, isn’t he Lord of the Rings by proxy? Yes, when he has the Ring. But also being the ruler of a lord doesn’t make the title of that lord your title, if that makes sense. People don’t call Aragorn the Prince of Ithilien, that’s Faramir’s title, Aragorn is King of the Reunited Kingdoms, he rules Ithilien, sure, but by proxy. Ithilien reports to Faramir who reports to Aragorn (I should be calling him Elessar since I’m talking about him as king, but whatever). If Aragorn lost the ability to contact Faramir or Ithilian, he would still theoretically be king there but he would have no practical control, just like Sauron with the Rings of Power.

Why does this matter? It mostly doesn’t. It does not change anything practically in the story at all.

But it matters to me, because it might help change perspective on the antagonist of LotR. It’s the Ring. Sauron is a force in the world, one the Ring is closely allied with, and from whom many of the obstacles come, but the entity that our protagonist is really fighting on every page is the Ring.

If Gandalf were the main character, or Aragorn, or almost anyone else on Middle Earth, Sauron would be the Primary Antagonist. But they are not. Frodo is the Primary Protagonist, and his struggle is NOT against Sauron, it is against the Ring.

If destroying the Ring had not destroyed Sauron, would Frodo have kept fighting in this war? NO! He had his task, and once it was done he was done, even if the world ended afterwards. Everything is driven by the Ring. The threat to the Shire comes from the presence of the Ring, so Frodo takes the Ring to Rivendell. The danger of the Ring is not neutralized by it being brought to Rivendell, so he continues his journey to destroy it once and for all. He doesn’t fight Sauron, he fights the Ring. He fights with himself to keep going in spite of the despair it levels on him, the poisonous words it whispers in his ear, the physical toll it takes on his body. He fights Boromir and Sam (not to the extent he does in the movie, but still a bit) and Gollum over the Ring. He negotiates with Faramir over the Ring.

And the Ring is SUCH a more interesting and nuanced villain to struggle with than Sauron. Sauron is representative of a force in the world. He controls events but never appears, because he acts as the source of all evil, it’s representation on earth (at least now Melkor is in the Void), but it is far more interesting to watch the effect he has on others than deal directly with a character that is so obviously in the wrong in every way. Making Sauron a physical character in LotR is like making the Devil a present character in basically any piece of media that deals with evil.

Evil at its purest isn’t that interesting, because it contains no conflict. Leaving Sauron as an offscreen player leaves us to see characters that are not pure evil struggle with that conflict.

The fascinating thing about the Ring is that it has no power outside of what you give it. But given enough time even the best people, like Frodo, will end up losing themselves to it, as it whispers in your ear with your own voice.

I want to go ballistic when people point to LotR and say it has a one dimensional villain. EVERYONE’S OWN VIOLENCE, DESPAIR AND THIRST FOR POWER IS THE VILLAIN OF LORD OF THE RINGS! Brought to the fore by a small unassuming golden trinket which just happens to also be the titular Lord of the Rings.

Honestly “The Ring is the Villain of LotR change my mind” should be its own big long post with lots of quotes and shit, the fact that the Ring is The Lord of the Rings just being a small point in it.

But unless you are a specific type of interested in story structure and stuff none of this is at all meaningful and it really, really doesn’t matter, so I’m gonna go.

Thanks for coming with me on this dumb journey.

#tolkien #jirt #lotr #lord of the rings #the one ring #Sauron #jrr tolkien #Frodo #story structure #long post… even for me!#hot take #Gandalf #look #I’m sorry ok #this is so inconsequential and I say this as someone who likes meta

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myuminji · 1 year

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Just a comic about two people catching up again [Angel AU]

[ID: A Trigun comic of Wolfwood after his death in Trigun Maximum.

Abbreviated ID: Wolfwood is now an angel with wings and a halo tied to his grave. He cannot be seen or heard by others, but Livio visited his grave and mostly filled him in on the finale, and Wolfwood waits for Vash to show up. When he does, Wolfwood is stunned and worried by his black hair, though he deems Vash fine when he pulls out drinks for them both.

Vash pours the drinks and talks. He confesses that he killed someone and calls himself a coward and the worst, apologizing for being selfish and not saving Wolfwood. Wolfwood angrily shouts that everything was his decision, and Vash is an idiot for blaming himself.

He says that Vash has done so much for Wolfwood and for others, and he calls Vash brave. Vash falls asleep with tears in his eyes, but he seems lighter when he wakes up. Vash leaves, promising to return, and Wolfwood says that he'll "watch him from afar... again." The title is "#1 'What happened to your hair?'". Full ID below readmore in 21 paragraphs.

The comic starts with a dark, noise-filter panel of the Punisher being used as Wolfwood's gravestone, with the quote "Nicholas D. Wolfwood has died" written over it.

Below that is Wolfwood, who has wings and a halo. He sits pensively and narrates, "At least, that's what everyone has come to believe, including me. Yet here I am, still roaming on this damn barren planet... But I wouldn't say I'm quite alive anymore. Since I couldn't feel hunger or thirst like I used to." He thinks, "'Ghost,' like those horror stories was it?"

He narrates over sketchy panels of himself frowning while floating next to his grave and yelling at Livio. "There, are other things I found that fits the term, like how I can't bring myself to far too far from my grave, or how others can't see me at all." We see Livio tearing up and saying "Nico-nii..." while Wolfwood furiously waves his arms and shouts, "I am!! Here!!!!"

Livio is shown speaking with a teary smile while Wolfwood leans against Punisher and listens. Wolfwood says, "Livio is the first and only person I've met so far. And luckily, he was quite a storyteller. I was able to get a grasp of the situation, and its aftermath. And what happened to him in the end."

Livio smiles and says, "It's been three months ever since... But even if we couldn't get ahold of him now, I'm sure he'll come back to you someday." Wolfwood narrates, "—And knowing that idiot, he probably would."

A close-up of Vash's coat in the wind as Wolfwood narrates, "So it didn't come as a surprise to me when he visited my grave. I'd even thought up of things to say when we meet again. Everything was thrown out of the window when he appears, of course. I could vividly remember the one question that burns in my head..."

Wolfwood looks shocked as Vash, hair fully black, waves cheerfully, "Yo! It's been a while, hasn't it? Wolfwood." Below the two floats the question: "#1 'What happened to your hair?'"

Wolfwood sweats, "Spikey, your hair. Doesn't it mean... Are you okay???" Vash smiles sheepishly, "Ah, I hope you're not mad I didn't come sooner, don't haunt me please..." Wolfwood shouts, "That's not the problem right now!!" Vash pulls something out and exclaims, "But look what I got for you!! Alcohol!!!" Wolfwood shouts, "What sort of person do you see me as!?"

Vash excitedly pulls out a bottle and two shot glasses. "It's not the only reason why I'm late, but it did took me a month to hunt this down... I recall you said you wanted to try them, right?" Wolfwood buries his face in his hands and says, "Where the hell are your priorities... You know what, yeah. I'm not gonna ask anymore since you look fine."

Vash smiles a bit tiredly and says, "Hmm,, I'm glad this place hasn't turn to ruins yet~ I've still got lots I need to tell you that's happened out there! And I thought it's better to talk about it with drinks on the side…" He clinks two glasses together. "So, cheers! ..."

He and Wolfwood are both awkwardly silent, and Vash sweats and frowns nervously. Then he pours a glass onto the ground, and Wolfwood furiously shouts, "D'ya really expect me to drink off the ground!? Stupid needle noggin!!!!!"

Vash laughs sheepishly, and he speaks via empty speech bubbles while Wolfwood listens, drinking with a small smile. Vash says, "... And when that happened I..." He drops his gaze and says between long pauses, "I..... When that happened......" Wolfwood watches him seriously as he says, "... Say. Wolfwood, is this how you've felt all the time?"

Vash looks down sadly. "You I see, I... killed someone in the end." He laughs, eyebrows drawn in. "I guess you're right. I am bound to choose someday." He takes another sip, then downs it and falls backwards. "Isn't it funny? That I've called you a coward once for killing... But guess who's the coward now~? It's always been me, isn't it?"

Vash lies on his back and laughs. "... Haha. I wonder if you're laughing too. I really am the worst, aren't I?" Wolfwood looks down as Vash continues, "You've done so much for me, but all I've caused you are troubles. I was selfish, always chasing after my own goals... That you couldn't ask for my help. That I couldn't save you. Just what kind of friend am I?"

Vash scrubs his eyes with an arm and says shakily, "Sorry... Wolfwood... I'm so sorry..." A close-up panel of his mouth shows Wolfwood saying, "... Just so you know--" Expression unimpressed, he exclaims, "There's no way in hell I'm accepting that lousy apology! You drunkard!"

He stands up and seems to kick Vash, who's still on the ground and mostly out of sight. Wolfwood demands, "Why are you even sorry for something like that, huh?? I chose my own path. It was all my decision! How many times do I say it to get it stick in that thick head of yours? Stop. Blaming. Yourself. For the things. You've not done. Idiot! Stupid spikey hair!!"

Vash's face is cut off, but a tear in his eye can be seen as he weakly says, "... oof.. wood..." Wolfwood looks tired and sighs, "... Ha... Don't feel bad about me. Until when will you realise just how much you've done for us? You've done more than enough for me, Needle Noggin."

The perspective zooms out to focus on the sky and two moons, including the fifth moon. Wolfwood's wings and the Punisher can just be seen at the bottom. Wolfwood says, "And you're brave, to go against what you've been taught your whole life. You're not a coward. You faced them until the end. So don't sell yourself short like that next time, okay?" We see Vash's face, smiling with tears in his closed eyes. Wolfwood concludes: "I'll get mad."

Wolfwood narrates, "—He passed out right after for the whole night on the cold ground. I realised how little I could help in the situation." He tries to drape his coat over Vash, sweating, and wonders, "Wouldn't it just pass through ...?"

Time passes, and Vash gets up with a sneeze and rubs his eyes. Wolfwood watches him with his eyebrows raised, and Vash laughs quietly and a bit nervously. Wolfwood narrates, "As if he'd heard my voice, a burden seems to be lifted off his shoulder when he woke up. That, or maybe he'd forgotten what happened last night. He was quick to take his leave right after.

"And so, Vash the Stampede went on a journey with a promise." Vash waves goodbye, turning to leave with his bag in hand. "I'll be sure to bring back more stuff next time!! See you later!" Wolfwood concludes, "While I watch him from afar... again." Wolfwood sits below the Punisher and waves back, saying with bemusement, "Has he never heard the phrase 'do not disturb the death?' He really throws me off..." The title is named, and it says "/ END." End ID]

[link to Image ID reblog post!]

#''if you can't go to see the world I'll bring the world to you instead'' post trimax vash who often comes back to ww bringing things he foun #and it piles up. alot.#i have up to 8 chp of these tho idt i can draw them all haha #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #trimax spoilers #trigun maximum spoilers #vashwood #centric #/p

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avelera · 26 days

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thesis about the sea peoples you say? may i request an infodump about the sea peoples?

Heya!

So, basically in college (undergraduate) I got really obsessed with the questions around the Collapse of the Aegean Bronze Age, mostly because I wanted to set my big Magnum Opus historical fiction novel in that time, and the deeper I dug into the rabbit hole the more it appeared that no one, absolutely no one, actually knows why the civilizations around the Mediterranean all fell from a state of pretty sophisticated internationally-trading civilizations to literal Dark Ages (all except for Egypt which was substantially weakened and never really recovered), all at once around 1200-1100 BCE.

The Sea Peoples are the names of the only contemporary (Egyptian) account we have that names who might have been responsible if this collapse was due to an invasion. It's a popular theory because a viking-style invasion is a much sexier reason for a civilization to collapse so we all gather around it like moths to flame. But the thing is, there's a lot of contradictory evidence for and against and shading that hypothesis.

Suffice to say, literally no actually knows what happened and almost every answer comes up, "Some combination of these things, probably?"

But what makes the Collapse even more interesting from a modern perspective is that if there was a historical Trojan War (and I think there was) as fictionalized in the Iliad and the Odyssey (and Song of Achilles, for the Tumbrlistas), then it would have taken place within a generation of the entire civilization that launched the Trojan War crumbling to dust.

So like, if you're Telemachus, your dad Odysseus fights in the Trojan War, some even manage to get home, and then like... everything goes to shit. Catastrophically. And doesn't recover for 400 years.

Seriously, they lost the written word, like how to actually write things down and read them and it took 400 years to get it back. That's how fucked shit got during the Collapse of the Bronze Age.

So my thesis was asking: what if these two things were related? What if the Trojan War either led to the Collapse or it was part of the Collapse or it was a result of the Collapse? Because the timeline is so unknown and muddled that it really could be any of those and again, that's if the Trojan War isn't entirely fictional (which I don't think it is, but many academics disagree, it used to be a whole thing up until Schliemann dug it up, and many doubted it was ever a historical event even after that.)

Ok, so at the risk of writing 75 pages on this again, let me just say:

My conclusion (more of a hypothesis proposal ultimately since there are so many gaps in our knowledge) was that the Trojan War took place before the Collapse of the Bronze Age. But, it might have been launched in response to a wider breakdown in trades routes and resources, causing the Greeks to launch the campaign basically as a bid to replenish their own coffers because they were getting squeezed by what they didn't know was the first rumblings of a global domino effect.

Therefore, since taking out Troy didn't solve those larger trends and forces, they all went home and then got slammed by the REAL problem, which was all the people who had been displaced from further away by this rolling drought or invasion or whatever that was disrupting these delicate international trade routes.

But the Greeks might have been part of the Sea Peoples too! Our only record of the Sea Peoples is from the Egyptians in a highly propagandistic text which makes them sound like this big fearsome foe but that might have been because saying, "We slaughtered a bunch of desperate refugees at our border who were looking for shelter," didn't sound as cool. If the Greeks (or Achaeans or Ahhiyawa) got swept up in this slow-rolling collapse/displacement of people, then they absolutely could have been among those refugees who crashed against the shores of Egypt.

A lot of my evidence was based on looking at how Troy was sacked (it was stripped literally down the nails and there was a lot of evidence of a long-term siege, like what we read about in the Iliad) vs. how Mycenae (Agamemnon's city) or Pylos (King Nestor's city) was sacked, where they were burned and stuff was stolen but they weren't stripped, it looks more like a standard looting hit-and-run type thing. Which led me to believe that it was different turmoil that rocked Mycenae and Pylos than what led to the sacking of Troy, despite the fact these things happened within about 20 years of each other. (Helen being a made-up reason for a resource-driven war would only be the oldest trick in the book, as far as propaganda goes, after all.)

But really, the craziest detail I'll leave you with is: we just don't know! And then it gets weirder. Because the Hittites fell at the same time so the Hittites scholars say, "Nah, the Sea Peoples weren't Hittites, they were probably Greeks." And the GREEK scholars say, "It wasn't us, it was probably the Hittites or someone else. " and the EGYPTIAN scholars say, "Yeah it was someone north of Egypt, maybe the Hittites or the Greeks." and the LEVANT scholars say, "It wasn't from the Levant, we know what was going on there, it has to be from somewhere else."

Literally every single possible source of the Sea Peoples has the scholars who specialize in that location saying it's not them and it must be the guy next door.

It's maddening!

And then there's a big ol' gap around Bulgaria and the Black Sea because, oh yeah, the Soviet Union forbade archaeology in those areas to quash any local pride so those places that were behind the Iron Curtain are decades behind on scholarship that would allow them to say, "Oh hey, it was actually us! Yeah, the invaders came from Bulgaria and got pushed down by a famine." or something to that effect.

We also have some histories from the time saying that the Sons of Heracles returned not long after the Trojan War to lay Greece to waste! And it's really evocative and sounds like it fits what we've got of all these burned cities that happened right after Troy fell! Except that's in doubt now too!

The latest theory is that it was climate change that led to a massive drought. You can read about it in the latest and most popular book on the subject, 1177 BCE which I highly recommend because if it had existed when I wrote my thesis, I wouldn't have had to write it.

But I disagree with the conclusion! Or rather, I'm skeptical. Because very decade, the problems of the day have been hypothesized as being the cause of the Collapse. Like, in the 60s, there was a theory that maybe it was internal strife around a labor strike, like the French Revolution. And y'know when there's a world war, they think it's an invasion. And there was a theory that it was 'cuz of an earthquake (I think that one is nonsense, Mediterranean civilizations famously bounce back quickly from earthquakes.) And now that climate change is on our mind, I'm a little weary to see that it's the new theory because it feels way too much like we're just projecting our problems onto this giant question mark.

Was climate an aspect! I think so! I think it might have contributed to the break down in trade routes that made everyone in the Mediterranean really stressed out and hostile and warlike and led to a lot of displacement. I'm not sure if it's the only reason though and I think the book just kinda reiterates everyone else saying, "I think it was this but in the end, we just don't know, and it was probably a lot of things." which we've known for ages so it's just repeating all the same conclusions. *sigh*

... Like I said, I wrote my thesis on this so yeah, I could go on for a while lol.

#ancient history #bronze age #collapse of the bronze age #sea peoples #lots of generalizations here for brevity so don't jump down my throat if you are also familiar with this era plz

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giac222 · 2 months

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I’m an Ashley Graves lover and defender till the end 🤞🏻🩷.

This is going to be a deep dive and a pretty long post, just a heads up! There’s a point in the beginning where I briefly discuss something else regarding TCOAAL because I felt that it ties in, but this post will mostly be focusing on Ashley + her experiences, and a little about how Andrew isn’t actually a doormat, not even close. 😶

Let’s get into it:

I adore her and I have the biggest soft spot for her, my empathy for her is through the damn roof. She’s a product of her environment, she wasn’t born the way she is (Andrew wasn’t either). It’s frustrating to see people claim she was born evil. I’d go as far to argue that she isn’t completely evil either. Her soul is the color of pitch black according to the demon in the game. But why is that? What caused it? The reason for this is because of how she’s been treated by everyone else around her throughout her whole life. It’s not like she asked or wanted to become a “tar soul”. Her environment made her sour, it made her hate people.. including herself.

After Ashley sacrifices the warden to the demon, when she’s thinking to herself, a text box comes up that says “You decide not to linger on the fact that your soul is apparently a vicious, pitch-black mess.” and after that we see another one that says “Guess you already knew that”.

I was thinking to myself, why the hell am I so attached to this character? Lmao. Why do I have such a huge soft spot for her? Then when I was thinking about it I realized it’s because I relate to some of what she’s been through. Especially her terribly low self-esteem that causes her to feel unlovable, ooo that hit home for me. For quite some time I dealt with that, and let me tell you, it truly is an awful feeling. It can make you very mean and bitter. It quite literally eats away at you. I’m 22 now and I’m able to reflect on those past experiences, that’s when I realized how bad it really was. When it comes to someone having poor self-esteem and not much self worth, it stems from somewhere. People don’t just randomly start hating themselves, there’s something that causes it to happen. It could be from a variety of things such as trauma, childhood experiences, comparison to others, and discrimination.

It truly sucks to see how many people online that seem to hate her (not on Tumblr, but almost everywhere else). Her backstory breaks my heart, it’s tragic, and it seems that people completely ignore what she’s gone through and what she STILL goes through.

I also hate that the game has kind of, in a way, become a meme due to the controversy. This game delves into very serious and depressing topics, so for losers online with 0 media literacy to water it down to “the incest game” is sooo agitating. This is just a personal opinion of mine, but I also feel as though the controversy made people play the game for the wrong reasons. Including a lot of “edgy” teenagers 😬. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that, I’ve touched on it before in a different post. I mean the amount of loud and wrong takes I’ve seen about the game… All I can do is shake my head 💀.

So, I’ll share my (maybe?) controversial opinion that some of the “fanbase” is part of the problem too, not just the people who hate the game that don’t even know what’s going on. I’ve talked about this before so I’ll keep it brief, but I feel it fits in the post so I’m including it. But on the game’s subreddit there are people who will reduce the game itself to fap material, and it doesn’t make sense to me because there’s quite literally nothing overly sexual or explicit in the game?? Even in the questionable route vision we don’t see anything explicit, we just know what happens. I’m like have y’all forgotten that this is a PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR game?? How some of these people managed to reduce Nemlei’s work that she clearly put a lot of thought and effort into that covers dark topics and serious issues to fap material is beyond me…. What a way… just what a way. Let’s hope they get weeded out of the fandom before ch. 3 drops 🙏🏻.

Just to clarify so no one gets confused, I’m NOT referring to people who create NSFW art/posts of the game, like duh you guys know I love Ashley and Andrew 🤭🤭. I know what I’m about! 😂. Seriously though, I’m referring to people in the Reddit community who will quite literally just take people’s NSFW art (any fan art in general really) and upload it there without the artist’s consent (edit: I think if they give credit it’s not a big deal, and some artists may not care regardless. Some probably care, some don’t). It just seems like the NSFW stuff is the only thing a lot of them care about, and the shit they say is so unhinged at times I’m like???? Seek help. (Obviously it isn’t all of the members, but it’s definitely a lot speaking from my personal experience there before I left). In a way, I can’t blame outsiders for side eyeing the fanbase if that’s their first impression.

Between the amount of haters TCOAAL has and some of the questionable “fans”…. Yeah, we’re in the trenches 😂. That’s part of the reason why I left the server and now only participate in the Tumblr community. Not even trying to gate-keep or sound like an asshole, but a lot of the Reddit community doesn’t fit the game. I said what I said! As I’ve said before in a previous post, most of the trash takes I’ve seen on the game stem from there, and YouTube too. 😬

TCOAAL is a game that requires you to think and dig deeper, that’s why I love it. It touches on very heavy topics. Tbh it’s not something you can simply take at face value, that just defeats the purpose.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about Ashley! 🩷✨

When you pay attention to all the details and look deeper into Ashley’s character, you see that Ashley has quite literally been treated like shit her entire life by EVERYONE around her except for Andrew. That’s why it’s so easy for her to treat people as disposable, because that’s how SHE was treated her entire life 💔.

This scene specifically proves that:

Andrew really is everything to her. That boy is her sun, her moon, and all of her stars. 🥲💚. We see that he’s her main, and basically only source of happiness. He’s the only thing/person she cares about. I find it genuinely heartbreaking that he has been the only person Ashley could depend on throughout her life. Due to this, it makes sense as to why Ashley goes to such extreme measures to keep him around. if she lost him, she’d have no one else. So of course she’s scared that he’ll leave her. Even though we know he’ll stick by her side no matter what, Ashley does not. She’s quite literally the love of his life but she doesn’t know that. 😩

Then again, Andrew doesn’t show it, so of course she doesn’t get it. He’s never said I love you back to her, the closest we get to that is when he says “I like you… but you’re so exhausting” after their huge fight. If you look closely at his face in that scene, you’ll see gray blush lines on his cheek. Ashley has been abandoned by everyone except for Andrew, she needs validation and reassurance from him to know that he’s there to stay. He doesn’t really give that to her though, but he needs to STAT! As I said, we know he’s in it for the long haul, but Ashley does not.

You see, Ashley operates under the idea that Andrew doesn’t actually care about her. She believes that he couldn’t love her of his own will and that she has to manipulate in order for him to stay. I hold the opinion that she doesn’t do those things because she necessarily wants to, she does it because she feels like she has to in order to keep him around. She manipulates, but she isn’t very good at it 🫣.

Thinking about their huge fight in apartment 302 after Andrew killed that lady (she definitely did not attack him first, but we’ll get into that in a minute). When Andrew’s choking Ashley she brings up the fact that she’s the only one who can make his nightmares go away, but guess what we see in ch. 2? Before going to snoop on the cultist, if you go back to their motel room and you interact with the bed. A text box pops up that says “oh yeah, you tooootally have nightmares as often as you claim.”.. So, we now know that Andrew doesn’t actually have that many nightmares, he uses it as an excuse because he wants to sleep next to Ashley and be close to her.

Back to the apartment 302 incident, when Ashley goes back to that apartment after completing the ritual, she sees that Andrew killed the lady that lived there, he claims she attempted to attack him with the nail gun, but the nail gun was in the same damn spot! People should’ve started side eyeing him at that point in the game. I know I did LOL, “doormat extraordinaire” my ass 😂. Btw, there are people who genuinely believe he tried to sleep with the lady in 302, but she wouldn’t do it so he killed her….. 🤦🏻‍♀️. I wish I was joking.

Anyway, in Andrew’s dream when we go over the justified deaths, with the lady in 302, the first reason he mentions is “Ashley would have wanted to kill this one anyway” then he brings up no witnesses. To me, the fact that the first reason he mentions is Ashley wanting to kill her anyway showed that he killed her for Ashley more than anything. I mean, It did make Ashley happy that she died. He didn’t say anything about getting attacked, although it was obvious that was a lie already lmao. I believe that’s why he got so frustrated, which led to him getting pissed off after Ashley started accusing him of trying to sleep with that woman. Especially because once she started, it escalated quickly and she just kept going.. He was like “girl??? I literally killed this woman for YOU.” I could be wrong, but that was my interpretation on the situation.

Another interesting thing I thought about was how during their argument, Andrew tells Ashley to butt out of his love life, and that she always makes up some bullshit crisis for him to leave/stay when he’s out or about to leave to go meet up with someone. But in the flashback with Julia during his dream, while she’s raising genuine concern and mentions that it could be good for Ashley to learn some independence for her own sake. Also for Andrew to stop cutting things short on her, for the sake of their relationship, and so they can spend more time together. Andrew responds to that with “If your sister needed something, wouldn’t you go?” 👀. Andrew likes Ashley being dependent on him, he doesn’t want her to become independent. During their heated argument he admits to knowing her so called crisis she has before he leaves is “bullshit”. Yet he still chooses to leave to be with her anyway. Because again, Ashley’s the love of his life, people can deny it all they want but the proof is right there lmao. Not to mention he looked so sad hugging Julia until he asked her to tie her hair up… I see right through you Andrew 😂.

Also, him bringing up Nina’s death (Julia’s best friend) and lying to Julia’s face about it like he had no part in it, that was actually scary not going to lie 🫢. Plus him lying about Nina’s death affecting Ashley…like you know damn well. After their huge fight, Ashley said she was glad that Nina choked, which Andrew responded with “I know you are”.

That’s the thing about Andrew, he’s very good at lying and we see multiple examples of this in the game. When they were at their parents house Ashley decided to stay quiet because she couldn’t keep up with Andrew’s lies. In a different post of mine I talked about how “Andy” was a facade, but Ashley doesn’t understand that yet. She thinks he’s changing for the worst, but in reality he’s always been that way. His true colors are just now finally coming out.

Andrew and Ashley both had a shitty upbringing. I mean Mrs.Graves made Andrew take care of Ashley when he was a child, and I remember in a flashback he asked Ashley if she wanted to go with him because their mom gave him money for groceries, like ma’am why are you making your child go out to buy groceries??? Also, at the end of the day, she sold them both to organ harvesters. However, Andrew was treated somewhat better than Ashley during their childhood. We see this through the plushies in the puzzle before the questionable route vision, if you set Ashley’s plushie down at the table she immediately falls off. At their parents new home during dinner, Ashley sat on a mini ladder while everyone else had a chair, and simply the fact that Mrs.Graves gave Andrew their new house address, but didn’t give it to Ashley. They always shut Ashley out, they never cared about her nor did they try.

Now, let’s talk about one of, in my opinion, the saddest parts of the game. The flashback of Leyley’s birthday 🥲.

We see that neither her parents nor her friends cared about her birthday, they didn’t even try. She looked so sad talking about her friends here 😭. The fact that she brought up how her friends are always busy when she asks them for something shows that this is a recurring thing, her friends suck. I am in tearsss. I’m sick rn, she deserves everything and more. Andrew attempted to make her birthday special for her at least 🥺.

Also, I know Julia seems sweet from what we’ve seen, but I’m suspicious of her tbh 👀. We know Ashley hung out around her and Nina. I remember seeing one of the screenshots from a progress report where Andrew asks them if they could invite Ashley to sit with them sometime at lunch, so I’m assuming that’s how their “friendship” started.

Nina had a crush on Andrew, and Julia ended up dating him later on. I think it’s possible they only hung out with her just to get closer to Andrew. Julia wasn’t a very good friend to Ashley it seems, so it makes sense that she wouldn’t be thrilled about them dating. Especially because Andrew is the most important, well, really the only important person to her.

Something else to think about when it comes to people in Ashley’s life outside of Andrew: After Andrew killed the warden to protect Ashley and before they left their neighbors apartment, Ashley tells Andrew “I don’t give a rat’s ass about mom or dad. Or any of my so-called friends anymore.” and “Not one of them felt it necessary to answer my calls…”. When she says this she looks very upset. So, even in present time, Ashley still gets treated like shit by everyone around her except for Andrew, this has been an ongoing thing since her childhood.

Next up is this scene with Mrs.Graves while setting up the ritual:

This was after Ashley says “Lookie ma! I drew a circle!”. Mrs.Graves immediately starts putting her down. Ashley’s response to what her mom said shows me that this is something that commonly happened. I’m sure there were many times in Ashley’s life where she’d attempt to impress her mom and receive praise, but would immediately get shut down by her instead. The more I think about how terribly Ashley was really treated, the more sad I get about it, what the fuck 😭.

Ok, last thing to dissect. I wanted to talk about this comment from a YouTube video that came up under the “all” section on there. Beware, it might make you lose braincells. 💀

“Ashley is heavily sexualized” let me stop you right there ✋🏻 lmao. No she is not. At least to me she isn’t, I never got the impression that the game sexualized her. A lot of male players sexualize her (because of course they do 🙄), but the game? I disagree. You could say Ashley views herself as a sex object, but that doesn’t mean she’s sexualized by the game. She views herself that way because of her low self-esteem and the fact that she doesn’t believe someone could genuinely love her. Not to mention her internalized misogyny. Source? I’m speaking from experience. Having terribly low self-esteem really does drive you to dark places. It can lead to you basing your self-worth on people finding you sexually attractive or just attractive in general, like your self worth is based on your looks alone. That’s how you get validation even if it’s from a not so good place. It wears off pretty fast though, and it leaves a poor after taste. It’s only a temporary “good” feeling. If you don’t like yourself, no amount of attention will be ever good enough for you or truly make you feel better.

“Goth-esque fetish ware”, first of all it’s “wear”, and the “fetish wear” in question is just shorts, a black shirt, and a choker 💀. I cannot lmfao. Does that mean Andrew has “goth-esque fetish wear” too? Bc him and Ashley literally dress the same 😂. Not that this matters, but Ashley and Andrew are more emo to me lmao.

“She’s definitely a manipulative psychopath”… opinion immediately discarded because of this part of the comment alone.

“Her heavily sexualized existence”…. Don’t piss me off 🙄 like??? I can’t believe they said that. People with a brain larger than the size of an atom know that Ashley’s entire existence isn’t sexualized, I’d argue that it’s quite literally the opposite. It’s almost like they want Ashley to be this seductive sex kitten, but she just isn’t that. They project that onto her. I feel like some people think that Ashley simply existing with a bigger bust means she’s automatically sexualized, some men feel this way about women with bigger busts in real life too, so them doing it to a fictional character doesn’t shock me. Worms for brains I swear.

The comment Ashley makes about her “big fat tits” in the motel room during her mini argument with Andrew was literally so unserious. There’s the scene where Andrew was lying on the couch in their parents house when Ashley wakes him up out of his dream, and we see him looking at her boobs from his POV. However, that was literally so mild, you hardly even saw anything lmfao. I feel like Nemlei added that in to show that Andrew’s sexually attracted to her, plus it was a little before the scene where Ashley playfully bites him, and (in my opinion) where they almost fully crossed the line (because of Andrew mind you) before their mom came in. We all saw that pillow placement 😂. There are other signs of him being attracted to her before that as well, like when we see him push the thought of hugging her to the back of his mind “where it may fester with all the thoughts he wish he never had” + that scene in the kitchen where he was sort of touching her butt and had his fingers through her belt loop, but when their mom came in he jerked away and looked as if he got caught.

People will claim that Ashley is the only one that’s incestuous and that she “forced” it onto Andrew, but in ch. 2, we see that Andrew is arguably more incestuous than she is. Ashley loves Andrew to death, but she isn’t exactly horny for him the same way he’s horny for her. Think about their reactions to the questionable route vision. Ashley was pretty chill about it, while Andrew was beat red and embarrassed because his repressed inner thoughts just got exposed. The demon clocked his tea 😂.

I’ve spoken about this before so I’ll keep it brief, when it comes to sex Ashley doesn’t care much about it and views it as transactional, as something she can use for personal gain. As I kind of said already, to me, her viewing herself as a sex object and having that view on sex in general ties into the fact that she has internalized misogyny and her personal belief that she’s unlovable. So, not only does she view herself as a sex object, but you could say that she also views other women as sex objects too.

This is my personal opinion which I’ve shared before, but when her and Andrew fully cross the line (because they’re definitely going to) and he finally shows her that he loves her as well, I think her views on sex may change a bit. That she’ll start seeing it as something out of love that they can both enjoy. As something they can experience together, instead of her ignoring her own desires and being his personal sex object to use to attempt to keep him around.

Do I think that Ashley isn’t horny for him at all? Tbh no. I mean she literally says she assumed it would happen between them eventually anyway, so she’s definitely thought about it before. However, it’s nowhere near Andrew’s level lmao. We know Ashley is a virgin and honestly, I think Andrew is the only one she’d happily lose it to. If she were to sleep with anyone else, I doubt she’d enjoy it and would only use it as personal gain for something. As of right now, she views sex as a way of keeping Andrew around, however, I feel this is because of the fact that she doesn’t actually think he loves her and will stay with her on his own. She loves Andrew and wants to be with him, she wants him to reciprocate her love. As I like to say, Andrew’s her boo 😂, that girl doesn’t want anyone else.

Alright, let’s finish dissecting that goofy YouTube comment.

“practically puts the usually male players protective instincts into overdrive.” I don’t know wtf this means lmao, but it made me cringe. Some men need to be banned from speaking on Ashley until we figure out what’s going on 😂. Bc every time they speak on her I lose braincells. “Protective instincts” yet they quite literally don’t understand anything about her character or her struggles 💀. Maybe sit this one out lmao.

Not to sound like a broken record, but a big part of Ashley’s character is that she has very low self-worth and that she doesn’t believe people, more specifically Andrew, could actually love her (💔). I mean think about how she’s been treated for her whole life, it makes sense as to why she developed those feelings about herself and others. Her mindset is “well people never cared about me, so why would I care about them?”. Having people regularly treat you like shit takes a toll on your self-esteem and impacts your world view. Especially if it happens in your childhood.

Ashley quite literally loves Andrew more than she loves herself. I want better for her :’( and she deserves better too. I don’t care about the Ashley haters opinions. There are people who believe that she’s faking her low self-esteem in order to manipulate Andrew….. 🤦🏻‍♀️. Have you even paid attention to anything in the game?? That’s one of the biggest things about her character like hello?

I should have added this in earlier oops, but I’m adding it in now. After her and Andrew first talk to the lady in 302 and they leave her apartment, Ashley asks why the lady got special treatment but they didn’t, and why she didn’t get any food. Andrew responds with “maybe you just aren’t pretty enough”, he wasn’t being serious, but she took it that way. It didn’t help that he said “I mean… wasn’t she?” After Ashley asked if he thought she was pretty. That’s why Ashley wanted to shoot her after the ritual. You can see Ashley looks upset when she asks “do you really think I’m not pretty enough?”. Then gets angry and says “So ugly am I, that I shouldn’t even be fed?”. This is her insecurity and low self-esteem kicking in on full display.

This is a similar situation to what happened when her and Andrew were looking for something to lock Nina in the crate with at the warehouse. She asked him what he thought about Nina and if he found her pretty. He said “she’s fine… I guess”, which made Ashley unhappy. Even though Andrew wasn’t into her, like at all. Ashley has been dealing with insecurity and low self-esteem ever since she was a little girl 😭. I’m so upset for her like you guys have no idea.

After Ashley traps Nina in the crate, there’s a point where she’s crying and says “It’s not fair!! Why does everyone like her better??” “I’m loud and weird and annoying and no one likes me at all!!!”. 😭. My heart is breaking as we speak. It’s hard for me to believe she said all of that just to manipulate Andrew in that scene. I know in ch. 3 we will be delving more into their childhood, and I have a theory that Ashley was also bullied in school. I mean to refer to herself as loud, weird, annoying, and to say that no one likes her at all. That absolutely came from somewhere, and I don’t think it was just from Mrs.Graves.

So, to see people with the emotional depth of a raindrop get online and say that she’s solely the problem, that Andrew needs to get rid of her, and that she’s simply just evil… is, to put it lightly, very annoying. I’m gonna say something, you know I love both Ashley and Andrew, but we need to be honest! People give Andrew too much of a pass. I mean they literally excuse all of the terrible things he’s done and blame Ashley for “making” him do it. They give him a pass for everything, but have 0 empathy for Ashley despite everything going wrong in her life since she was born. They completely ignore that she’s a product of her environment. When it comes down to it, what good experiences in life has she really had?

Also, Andrew is more violent than Ashley is. I think that’s self explanatory. People seem to forget that she quite literally just wants to live a peaceful life with Andrew. During the “quarantine” while they were still in their old apartment, she says “Aside from the starving, it’s not so bad here.” and “Aside from starving, I like it here”. Ashley doesn’t want to live a life of violence and chaos, and we see this in the room before unlocking the door that leads us to the two burial route choices. If you place the knife down (violence) nothing happens, but when you place the flower down (love) - (my bad guys originally I put heart instead of flower, I changed it!) - the door becomes unlocked. She also gets upset when Andrew tells her that they can’t live at their parents new house, she literally doesn’t want to be on the run and just wants stability.

On Pinterest, I see girls talk about how much they hate Ashley in the comment sections. They literally just do this because they think Andrew’s hot 😂. Especially when they call her a bitch, like grow up 🙄. I’ve also seen people refer to her as a “pick me”?? Literally how? Immature teens need to be banned from playing this game LOL. It’s giving those male celebrity fandoms that dig to find anything “problematic” on a girl said male celebrity is dating just because they’re pissed it isn’t them, they don’t actually care if she’s problematic or not.

It’s literally just misogyny, they do this a lot to women in media. Breaking Bad is the biggest example of this, the people that act like Skyler White is worse than Walter are delusional as hell. Sorry, but If you’re misogynistic, lack empathy and/or emotional depth, TCOAAL isn’t for you 🤷🏻‍♀️. Period. That’s why the game deserves a better fanbase than the one it has outside of Tumblr. It deserves better in general.

They don’t care to look into why Ashley is the way she is. If it wasn’t obvious already, Andrew brings out Ashley’s worst behavior and blames her for making him do bad things. In his mind he can’t be guilty, so he needs something on the outside to blame (Ashley). Mrs.Graves contributes to this btw, during the setup of the ritual before they sacrificed her and Mr.Graves she was pretty much saying “I know you don’t want to do this, I know she’s making you do it!” 🤦🏻‍♀️. She sounds like one of those boy moms that go “my son didn’t do shit!” 😂.

The worst are the people who reduce Ashley to fap material and a “hot crazy girl they can fix or make worse” 🤪, and basically fetishize her (unchecked) mental health issues that contribute to how she acts. Again, she’s had crippling insecurities and low self-esteem since she was a kid, Ashley has had just about 0 good life experiences outside of the ones with Andrew. So it is incredibly frustrating to see. I’m like I hate y’all I really do, read the damn room 🙄. They need to stop projecting their weirdo shit onto her.

People who fetishize mental illness and talk about how they want to “date a crazy bitch” are so gross. If/when they actually date someone with said mental health issues, when things get bad and they don’t fit the fantasy anymore, they’ll get disgusted and drop the person struggling with mental issues like trash. Anytime I see a guy say “crazy girls with mental issues are better in bed!”…. I’m like I know what type of man you are 🫥…. Perish 🗣️.

Ashley and Andrew both have unchecked mental illness, we know this. It’s quite literally not their fault. However, I personally don’t feel comfortable diagnosing them. Every time I see someone online say they were a born a psychopath, sociopath, etc. I lose brain cells. Mind you, I’m literally majoring in psychology and I still don’t feel comfortable diagnosing them.

To wrap things up because I know this post is LONG! I empathize with both Andrew and Ashley because they’ve both been dealt a bad hand in life. Their parents failed them in every way, and the society they live in is totally dystopian. However, when it comes to Ashley specifically? I have all the empathy for her in the world, especially because I understand some of the things she’s dealt with and how painful it really is. Digging deeper into her character shows you that she has quite literally been through hell and back. You can say she’s a victim turned villain, but honestly? I don’t really even consider her a villain, maybe that’s controversial to say but 🤷🏻‍♀️, I don’t think she’s irredeemable either. She’s someone who was hurt very badly, her wounds run deep, and she never really got to heal from any of it.

I just want her and Andrew to have a happy ending, it would be nice for them to experience genuine happiness for once. I would also like to see Ashley gain some self love in ch. 3, maybe Andrew will be able to help her with that in a way as their relationship improves.

Honestly, people who act like the questionable burial route is the “bad” ending are in denial so bad. Nemlei has said that “Burial” and “Decay” aren’t an indicator of a “good” or “bad” ending though. There will also be multiple outcomes to discover. I’m both excited, and scared lol.

I love Ashley Graves so much as a character, she’s so interesting and complex. I don’t play about her 😂. When it comes to defending her I’m on the frontlines lmao. The misogyny/hate when it comes to her is crazyyy. I’ll be the odd one out I don’t care, she’s my girlie 💕. It’s always refreshing to see other people who adore her and actually understand her as a character.

~~~~~~~~

Thank you so much for reading ❤️. I think this is my longest post yet 😳.

Also, a big thank you to everyone for all of the notes on my TCOAAL posts! I truly appreciate it. I’m so glad other people adore this game just as much as I do. :)

Unfortunately I’m not able to follow people back since this is a side blog. :/, but I do really appreciate everyone that follows me, I hope you like what I post. 💜

I’m currently working on creating an ooak doll of Ashley! 🤭💕. I’m SO excited to finish it and post her!

I plan on making a post about the Decay route at some point, because I realized I haven’t discussed it much. Probably because that route makes me sad 😓. However, it’s still incredibly interesting and I’m both excited and nervous to see where it goes.

#that one girl who don’t play about ashley graves #ashley graves’s defense attorney #tcoaal spoilers #tcoaal #the coffin of andy and leyley #nemlei #ashley graves #andrew graves #coffincest #gravecest #leyley graves #andy graves #kit9 #i hate reddit #i hate stupid people #this is a pretty long post oops #long post #longer post #just my thoughts

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merrinla · 6 months

Text

Lift the Shadow Curse. Cut content. Part II

In continuation to previous post. This part is mostly about the cut lines.

Upon arrival in the Shadow Cursed Lands, Halsin's comments about this place were slightly different from what we hear in the game.

You'd think all the years passed by would dull the pain of seeing this place again. But no.

An endless sea of silence and shadow. Except for one island of hope. [Last Light Inn]

Any words I could muster would underestimate the horror of this place.

This land has been flooded with shadow right from Shar's own domain. It poisons what grows and corrupts those who linger.

The shadow curse grips the land tighter than ever. It must be stopped. It will be stopped.

He also told you the story about Ketheric and the shadow curse.

He was once warden of these lands, a knight sworn to Selune. But he lost his daughter, and his broken heart proved easily tempted.

Shar embraced him, and he turned Moonrise Towers into a citadel in her name.

The druids and harpers formed an alliance a hundred years ago to put an end to his madness. But we only made it worse.

He was our target, the reason we attacked Moonrise, and we vanquished him. His death blow should have been the end of it.

Instead, Shar answered his prayers, and he unleashed her darkness into this world.

I was there when the curse was unleashed. Many of us marched on Moonrise Towers. Few managed to get away, because of Ketheric Thorm.

When he mentioned Thaniel there was some sort of explanation why he couldn't join us in the search. He tried to find the boy's trace through meditation. Better than nothing. Because in the game he stands and literally does nothing.

He is the heart of this land, imprisoned in the depths of the Shadowfell when the curse was unleashed.

While he suffered there, nature could not heal, just as surely as a man cannot heal while there is poison in his heart.

He must be somewhere out there. I need to find some trace of what happened, so I can bring him home and end this.

Now I must meditate. Listen for Thaniel's presence and beg the Oakfather's strength for what lies next. If you find anything, come to me. Please.

By the way it seems Thaniel had a different name in the early version.

His name is Elwood, but he is not a child as you would normally understand.

Just like in early access, you could argue with Halsin, but these lines were cut out. At first he tried to convince you calmly that you have common goals.

Getting what you need at Moonrise and lifting the curse are two sides of the same coin. You'll need to know what you're facing.

But if you were to take action, should the opportunity present itself? Then perhaps we can both get what we desire.

Of course, but your efforts to rid yourself of the parasite will no doubt further my aim as well.

Keep your focus on the parasite if you must, but please, if you learn anything that might help restore Thaniel and lift the curse. Let me know.

But if you kept insisting that the shadow curse wasn't your problem, he started to get annoyed.

This is everyone's problem. The shadows will find you wherever you hide and no matter how fast you run.

The point is that it's taken a century for me to even begin to understand this curse. Dismiss its power at your own risk.

The point is that ridding yourself of the illithid parasite will be all the more difficult thanks to the curse. Heat the warning or suffer the consequences.

Keep telling yourself that, Sharran. Pretend that your eyes deceive you. But the curse will hamper your search for a cure no matter your beliefs. [if the player is Shar worshipper]

And the last thing. I'm not sure if this is related to Halsin's quest, but I'll mention it anyway. According to some flags, Halsin and Jaheira also had disagreements. There should have been a dialogue in the game where they were arguing in the camp when you ended the day, but other details are unknown.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #bg3 spoilers #halsin #ketheric thorm #thaniel #bg3 datamine #bg3 voicelines

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thatgirlonstage · 2 years

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The sending stone died before Cerrit made it out. And Cerrit is a full-classed rogue. No Sending, no spells at all. With nothing but destroyed continent beneath him, he’d have no way to contact anyone.

His family had *no idea* he made it out. They very probably assumed he didn’t.

When the entire continent of Dunemas went dark, when the news started to filter back of its destruction, when the scant survivors started trying to reach their families…there was no reason to believe that Cerrit had escaped.

Survivors and their stories emerge—but they’re civilians, mostly. Regular people who escaped on ships, through teleport, through trees.

The ones from Avalir and Cathmoíra have one particular story to tell: at the end, the Herald told them that the ring of gold, the magisters, the leaders of the city would go down with the ship. That no space on what lifeboats they had would be taken from Avalir’s people.

So that’s the answer: Cerrit, too, would have gone down with the ship.

His wife probably had a difficult conversation with their children. Told them about sacrifice, told them sometimes we lose people but they will always love us just the same, told them that their dad sent them away from the city because he loved them more than anything in the world and then spent every last moment he could trying to save as many more people as he could because he was a good man, because he cared so deeply, because he found problems and fixed them. These conversations probably happened amidst panic and chaos, as news of the attack of Vasselheim spread, as the gods descended and magic raged out of control across Exandria, as the Betrayer gods wrought as much destruction as they could cause.

Were they still at home, when Cerrit finally found them? Did their home still exist after all those weeks he took flying across the ocean? Did they need to flee somewhere safer? Did Kir scrawl a note somewhere the wreckage — “Wingspan: gone north-by-northeast. Look for trail markers on the trees” because he’d promised, mom, he promised, and what if he’s coming but he can’t find us because we’re not here? Did Cerrit have to bring every ounce of his investigation and tracking skills — with no magic, no Avalir, no Patia to let him look back at memories, no Quay to inspire him, no Nydas to fund or enchant any helpful items, no partner to compare notes with, nothing but his sharp eyes and his brain and utter fucking determination — to follow after his family, weeks on an already weeks-long journey, slow and messy and fearing every day he might be too late?

Did he show up almost unrecognizable, head to toe in soot and dirt, some new scar from his near brushes with death, some fresh wounds still bound in bandages for want of anyone with healing spell slots? Did he find his family weary, grieving, scared, but whole and—for the moment—safe? Did they even believe it was him at first? Did they fear he was a ghost, or worse, some horror dragged from the wreckage of Avalir and reanimated by an enraged Asmodeus? Did he take off a bandage to show he still bleeds, and bleeds red, did he kiss his children’s heads and call Kir “Talon”, and see Maya clutching the sphere as if she hasn’t let go of it since it landed in her hands, and tell her—voice breaking at the reminder of Patia, at the first thing he has seen in months besides himself that survived Avalir’s destruction—that he is so, so proud of her, and more importantly he loves her so, so much, and then they knew, then they were sure: Cerrit kept his promise.

#critical role#cr spoilers #exu calamity #exu cerrit #cerrit agrupnin

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airas-story · 6 months

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Got Your Back

“You know what,” Tony said, making a displeased face at the weird temple-thing that Stephen had brought them to. Stephen resisted telling him his face was going to get stuck that way. “This is not where I want to die.”

“We’re not going to die,” Stephen said, exasperated. “Though, even if we were, I promise you, I’ve died in worse places.”

Tony gave him one of those looks that made it clear that, while Tony loved him immeasurably, Stephen needed serious help.

Which sure, might be true, but Stephen was a very busy person. Sue him if getting help for his myriad of issues was not on his priority list.

No matter what Wong had to say about it. Wong could keep his opinions to himself.

“You really need to stop dying places,” Tony said bluntly. “Period. There’s no competition out there about who can die in the weirdest places or the most number of times. And if there were, I’m pretty sure you already won and are only competing with yourself at this point.”

Which, okay, might also be true. Didn’t mean Tony needed to point that out.

“I’ll work on it,” Stephen said noncommittally; it wasn’t his fault that there had been so many times when the best way to win involved dying. That and time loops were a thing that Stephen had made excellent use of.

He’d always been creative.

“Don’t strain yourself,” Tony said dryly. “It’s only your life on the line after all.”

“Mmm-hmm,” Stephen agreed. “So how about you leave me to worry about it. And if you’re worried about dying, then maybe you should sit this out.”

“You said that this was an Artificer’s Temple, and that you suspected they dabbled in mechanics,” Tony pointed out. “And that you might need a mechanic’s touch to disable any traps. So unless one of your fellow sorcerers has gone and gotten a PhD in engineering, I’m your best bet.”

He really was Stephen’s best bet, and Stephen knew it.

It was the only reason he was bringing Tony along anyways. He hated endangering Tony any more than he had to, especially since Tony was pretty much retired at this point—for now at least—his vision damaged in his right eye and his mechanical arm mostly untested. Though given that it had been a collaboration between Shuri and Tony, Stephen had no doubt that the arm was more than up for the task of anything Stephen could imagine.

Stephen focused back on the artificer temple that they had only discovered in their attempts to track Mordo. Ominous, he decided, would be a good description. The stone was pitch black and seemed to absorb the light around it, making the whole area feel dimmed and shadowed. It reeked of darkness that reminded Stephen of the dark dimension.

He glanced at Tony, reassuring himself that Tony was okay.

Tony must have felt his gaze, because he turned toward Stephen giving him a reassuring smile that only touched the left side of his face.

Burned or not, he was still the most beautiful, most precious man that Stephen had ever seen.

“Hey,” Tony reached out, taking his hand and giving it the softest of squeezes. “This is going to be fine. What’s a temple going to do, come alive and swallow us whole?”

Stephen groaned. “Thank you, Tony. You’ve now jinxed us. Because let’s face it, we both have the sort of luck that would include buildings trying to eat us.”

It was absolutely something that a talented enough artificer could pull off, that or a large enough group of artificers aimed at a larger purpose.

“Well, it would be an interesting way to go, at least,” Tony commented blithely. “So, what are we looking for anyways?” Tony asked, ignoring the comment about jinxing them. Tony was always good at ignoring things he didn’t want to acknowledge. It was almost impressive.

And no, Stephen wasn’t a hypocrite.

“Not sure,” Stephen admitted. “We just want to make sure that Mordo isn’t causing problems here.”

“Right. Your old mentor who decided it was time to steal the magic from everyone who doesn’t agree with him. Sounds like a great guy.”

Stephen flinched a little, there was still a part of him that felt a deep sting of betrayal at the thought of what Mordo was doing.

“That’s the one,” Stephen said, keeping his voice neutral. Tony winced and sent him an apologetic look. “Now let’s go, I don’t want to give him any more time to find ways to cause the rest of us problems than we have to.”

“After you, doc. I’ve got your back.”

Stephen smiled at him, this one genuine. “I know you do.”

#ironstrange #fic #tony stark #stephen strange

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yurislotusgarden · 10 months

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Menaces in Love

ʚїɞ Nakahara Chuuya x Reader

ʚїɞ Keep in mind English is not my first language, so there may be mistakes!

ʚїɞ word count: 825

ʚїɞ Tw's: None! Just pure fluff, probably ooc Chuuya, you and Chuuya are married in this one loves, pet names used: doll, reader's gender is not specified in any way (hopefully), you both are goddamn menaces but in this one, it's mostly reader

It’s 3:07 am, a normal hour for the both of you to be awake. Chuuya was trying to fall asleep as he had to go out early in the morning, but goddammit are you not letting him do that. You’ve been asking dumb questions for the past half an hour, and surprisingly been quiet for the past 5 minutes. The ginger’s savoring it, to say the least.

Such a sad fact is that his dumbass of a spouse can’t stay quiet.

“Chuu?” A murmur came from behind, Your arms around his waist, a nice position, only if he could sleep.

“What is it this time?” The tone used by Chuuya is with no questions, showing being done.

“...I’m just thinking… what if aliens think that we are the aliens?” The [h/c]ette said with a for some reason serious tone, which caused questions in the gingers head, looking at the question asked.

Chuuya turned around, confused to hell and back “The fuck you talking about?”

Let’s just say there was a debate on that for over an hour and Chuuya indeed didn’t get his beauty sleep.

/////////////////////

It isn’t you.

The only thing on Chuuya’s mind were those simple 3 words.

Your dear husband has gotten sent on a longer mission, one that can take up to a week, and mind you, but our beloved short stack would want his routine cuddles right now. If there’s one thing he hates to miss, it’s those goddamn cuddles.

At the moment it was 4 am, and the short figure of his could be seen laying widely awake on the hotel bed, hugging a pillow, wishing and trying to imagine it was his beloved spouse.

“Goddammit, maybe they’re right, maybe I’m the clingy one”

///////////////////

5 am, that’s how late, or perhaps early, Chuuya came back to the apartment. He tried to be quiet, in case that you were asleep.

Wishful thinking.

The moment the ginger came relatively close to the bed, he was pulled down into a pair of arms.

“Missed you” A murmur from under him.

“I know, I missed you too” A quiet answer. A hand on your head, running though your hair.

The short figure chuckled, completely expecting something like this but still amused. A similar situation happens every time he’s on a mission longer than 3 days.

“Have you slept lately?” Came the question from him, brown eyes looking at your face as much as he can in this position.

“Of course”

Chuuya knew it’s a lie, after all, you always had problems with sleeping if you were unsure of whether the ginger’s safe or not. The distance didn’t help for sure, but there’s no sense in pointing it out.

“I have free today if that helps, we can sleep in” Chuuya indeed does, Mori gave him a day off. For what reasons? The male doesn't know, and he thinks he’d rather stay in the dark on this one.

“Perfect, because there’s no way in hell we're getting out of this bed until 12”

//////////////////

“Alright alright alright but what about this?”

The ginger groans, he just wants to sleep. “Go to sleep”

“Do you think that we would still be together in an alternate universe?” A teasing whisper, where the ginger can practically hear your smile.

“Go to sleep” “What if Chuuya’s a girl there?” “Go to sleep” An excited gasp could be heard. “What if we have kids there by now-”

“you’re about to sleep on the couch-”

//////////////////

“I have a serious question”

Chuuya looked over to the doorway from where he was sitting. “An actual serious question or is it serious in your eyes only?”

A frown could be seen on your face. “An actual serious question Chuu Chuu”

The ginger head only scowled at the nickname and stopped himself from making a comeback. He really doesnt know where you got the nickname from. “Then shoot”

“... Why me?” You answered in a quiet soft voice, making Chuuya confused. If there’s one thing he knows from all these years of knowing you, it’s that you don’t act like this unless you’re actually serious or truthful, just generally this kind of moments.

“Dumbass, it’s obvious” He couldn't stop himself from a small teasing while turning back around, just how dumb can his spouse get?

You groan. “Chuu! C’mon just answer my question!” Chuuya softly chuckles.

“Are you gonna answer or am I gonna stay in the dark?”

“...When I saw you, everyone else seemed to disappear”

////////////

“Listen Chuu. I can get your cereal-soup argument, but there’s absolutely nothing you can say or do in this universe to convince me that a hot dog is a fucking sandwich”

“Wha- What do you mean?” The ginger was confused, why do you not get it? “Doll, it’s simple! Imagine the bread around as normal bread and the inside-”

“No!”

Both of you sometimes wonder why you’re married to each other of all people.

Notes, comments, reblogs and anything else is greatly appreciated <3

#thinking of menace talking is hard #why #chuuya bsd #chuuya nakahara #bsd chuuya #chuuya x reader #bungou stray dogs chuuya #nakahara chuuya #bungo stray dogs #bsd #bsd x gender neutral reader #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd x y/n #gender neautral reader #chuuya x y/n #chuuya x you #fluff

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gamesception · 4 months

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Sception Reads Cass Cain #32

Batgirl (2000) #14 writer: Puckett pencils: Scott

Different inker this time, John Lowe instead of Campanella. I'm not enough of a connoisseur of comic art to really notice the difference. Honestly, I've been favoring pencil art in this series in general and not really mentioning inker & colorist. Should I be crediting/calling those out specifically? Let me know.

Anyway, we're back to the main series. Last time Cass was riding high after saving a repentant assassin from government agents. It fit more or less right in with the sort of one shot story we've seen a few times in her series, so there really wasn't a reason to expect any follow up from it, though the tone was a notable break from the usual Batgirl benchmark somewhere between sombre and miserable. This time is a return to form.

Before we get into the issue, that note about the tone does tie into that DCWomenKickingAss post that's been making the rounds again recently (link), the one with the interview with Scott Peterson where he describes the original instructions he gave to Kelley Puckett for designing the new batgirl as:

“Hey, new Batgirl. Young–late teens, I think–and Asian. And cheerful and chipper and always up and good natured and she has a complete and total death wish.”

As much as the Cass we got ended up being my favorite comic character ever, it's unfortunate that the 'cheerful, chipper' aspect - which is definitely there in the character, I've talked in previous posts about how much she loves being Batgirl and how critical that is to her character and to the overall themes of the book - is rarely the dominant tone of her ongoing. The quote from Puckett above implies book that on the surface is bright and cheerful, with a subversive undercurrent that fades into the background only to rear up and slap you in the face unexpectedly, where as what we got is an unrelenting 'long darkness of the soul' situation, punctuated by brief flashes of light that more often than not turn out to be the headlights of an oncoming train.

Which brings us back to the current issue.

We start with some government suits watching video of Cass and debating whether she's a metahuman or not, before being surprised by the fact that they have no matching info for her. Still pretty fun and lighthearted, but it does establish the idea that these guys are going to be a problem.

we also re-do the goodbye scene from the end of last issue...

Only this this time Puckett adds this bit where the assassin realizes he'll never get to see his family again, dampening the mood, setting up for what happens to him later, but also putting this divide between himself and Cass. Last time this guy could be read as a sort of self-surrogate for her, someone parallel to her situation as a former assassin, and by saving him Cass was sort of getting the chance to save herself.

Here, though, the guy establishes himself, however briefly, as his own person, with a life and a family. All the things that Cass's unique history and circumstances have denied her.

Things that Barbara is extremely concerned that Cass may have permanently cut herself off from ever having in the future by letting herself be recorded by the government outside of costume.

Cass, of course, can't imagine a future for herself. Because she's going to die within the year when Shiva returns. And because she doesn't want to be anything other than Batgirl. But mostly because deep down she doesn't believe she deserves a life or a future, and doesn't want to think about why that is.

As it is, Cass doesn't think she has any connections, so isn't afraid of losing them.

Bab's dialog implies that she's going to go to Bruce about this thinking maybe he could get through to her, but Bruce, consciously or otherwise, has been actively isolating Cass, so can he really be counted on to prevent her from isolating herself even further?

There's this transition page where Cass wakes up to find Bruce instead of Oracle in the Tower. I don't talk about color much, but Jason Wright does a good job here, the colors not just conveying a transition to night but also the switch to a darker emotional and narrative tone, despite still being all smiles, not knowing what happened.

Just like John way back in issue two, we have another guy who Cass thought she had saved, and let herself feel happy about, only to find out that the villains had come back for them later. And once again it's a pretty gut wrenching twist.

Cass asks Bruce's permission to hurt these people, not just take them down and capture them, but to personally punish them, and he grants it, which is a pretty gross dynamic all round.

Remember this bit from issue 4, when Bruce is talking about how 'perfect' Batgirl was?

Better even than himself, not just as a matter of skill, but more importantly for how she was untainted by any excess cruelty. It's why he was so shocked to find out she might have killed someone, despite knowing Cain had trained her from birth to do just that. It wasn't something that the Cassandra the he knew was capable of. But a few short months working for Batman and...

This isn't 'gentle'. This isn't someone you'd be shocked to find out had killed someone.

Remember this bit from issue 4? Bruce all high and mighty about what David Cain did to Cass. But for all the painful and potentially lethal extremes of his training regimen, and for all the evil he intended her to do, David raised a girl who, once she understood what killing was, chose to abandon her life and her father - despite loving both - rather than kill again.

A few months exposure to Bruce is eroding away the humanity and compassion that compelled her to seek atonement in the first place.

Bruce, his methods, the way he treats his friends and family, he's actively making Cassandra worse.

On the way home Bruce says he's sorry, but it's about what happened to the assassin, he's not sorry for what he's doing to Cassandra himself, what he's taking from her. He's not even done taking things from her this issue, as he doesn't take her back to the clocktower.

Of course. Of course he's fine with throwing away even the possibility of a future independent of him and his mission. You can just imagine how the conversation with Babs went too, at first trying to appeal on Cass's behalf, Bruce just not getting it, switching to practical threats to the mission, how Cass's exposure potentially exposes Oracle, in the hope that he'll respond to that - only for Bruce to respond by taking Cass away entirely, severing the one lonely link to someone who at least tries to care about her as a person in her own right.

When Babs was trying to appeal to Cass earlier, she brushed her off, convinced that she didn't have anything to lose anyway. You can feel the realization dawning on her that yeah, she really did have something to lose.

And the issue ends with this panel that makes her tiny to emphasize how completely isolated she is now.

This issue is a major emotional low point in Cass's early series, maybe *the* major low point. Bruce at his worst, Cass at her most alone.

Things will slowly improve from here, though sadly never in quite the way they needed to, with a direct confrontation of Bruce himself.

#cassandra cain #sception reads cassandra cain #batgirl

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deliciousdefendorinternet · 1 month

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comparing the writing in the first film overall with the writing of the Third so people can Hopefully see what my problem is with TBT.

first off lets start with the two films big emotional music numbers that are meant to showcase meaningful character Growth that being "" True Colours ""

youtube

and "" Better Place "" now the main Difference between these two is that despite what some negative reviews of the first film said at the time Branch's character Arc wasn't literally just wrapped up in this one song like Bro zone's was in TBT.

True Colours was the climax to Branch's arc but it wasn't literally the only piece of Branch's arc throughout the film we had small hints under his uncaring exterior that he was actually a good guy who just wasn't good at showing it.

like the fact he saved Poppy from those spiders and when he tried to help her come to terms with Creek's supposed death even if his way wasn't 100 percent perfect.

and of course after finally opening up about his grandmother he showed more signs of trying to change for the better helping Bridget by giving her his love poem to say to Gristle Jr.

afterwards attempting to join in on the Snack Pack's happy screaming over Creek still being alive and even pulling a little High five Joke on Poppy showing clear effort of attempts to change beforehand.

he also attempted to comfort Poppy and the others when they opened the locket and Creek was gone and they assumed he was dead and all this leading to True Colours which was the big moment for his Arc.

Bro zone didn't have any of this before hand instead all their moments prior to Better Place are either them being Jerky or its mostly comedic gags with not real flashes of posotive character moments for them that could help with their Arc.

anyway back to True Colours despite technically getting what he said he wanted at the start of the film ( that being for the other pop Trolls to finally stop seeing the world as all cupcakes and Rainbows and finally see the Dark sides of things )

he was actually disheartened to see them all this way and worked to help them get out of this state which he was all too familiar with.

anyway one thing that makes True Colours work better than Better Place imo is

1. Branch still has agency in the choice their all about to die and well his choice to try and lift up the other people's spirits doesn't effect that at all.

I find it very powerful how he still chooses to be happy in that moment and tries to lift the spirits of everyone around him despite the fact that for all he knows his worst fear is about to come true their all about to be eaten by Bergens aka the very thing he's spent most of his life terrified of.

but with Better Place his Bros don't have agency so it isn't a meaningful character moment their literally imprisoned and forced to take part in the Harmony in order to save their own lives its not even just about Floyd anymore.

its sorta like if Branch only sang True Colours to lift everyone's spirits because he needed them to all have access to their longer Hair Powers so they could lift the lid on top of the cooking pot in order for them to escape.

kinda lessens the impact of the scene a bit doesn't it? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

and as I said before True Colours would be a cute scene on its own but if it was literally the only scene that was meant to show Branch's character Arc and growth then yeah it would still fall flat imo but it isn't because the movie made sure to have lots of other little moments.

showing Branch making the effort beforehand so True Colours was just the final result and not literally the only action taken in his Arc.

unlike Better Place where

1. the Bros Agency was taken away so they literally did the Harmony for selfish reasons and

2. it was the only moment meant to show their character Growth which just isn't how character Arcs work.

you don't get to have characters showcase a whole bunch of flaws and frankly crappy behaviour and then have their Arc be wrapped up with a single action that isn't even all that noble no character Arc works that way.

the writing of the first film understood this and did a Fair amount of it Right but TBT didn't understand this at all.

I'm not an Expert writer but this is all fairly Basic stuff so yeah. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

#Youtube #trolls #trolls branch #trolls brothers #trolls band together #trolls bro zone #trolls brozone #trolls 2016 #Trolls #Trolls Branch #Trolls Bro zone #dreamworks trolls #dreamworks trolls 3

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trashpandacraft · 7 months

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ok, @craftychahuhu, this one's for you! but also for anyone else who might find it interesting. so we were talking about drafting fibre, and how to tell if it's hard to draft, and what it looks like when it's drafting well, and i was like, well, i have fibre and a camera, i can make this everyone's problem!

so: some fibre.

from the top left and going clockwise (ish):, the blue and yellow is rambouillet, the green is lonk, the dark blue is polwarth, the circle sort of in the middle is a merino/bond cross, the sausage is a rolag that i ended up not using in this but i'll talk about a little anyhow, and the dense white guy at the bottom left is corriedale.

let's talk about these fibres! i picked them for a couple reasons, but if i'm honest, the most pressing ones were that i had easy access to them and with the exception of the lonk, they're all fibres that i'd more or less group together into the 'very fine' category. no, they're not all identical, but for our purposes here, they're close enough. the lonk is a much coarser fibre, and it's here mostly to serve as a counterpoint to the rest—beginners are often pointed towards coarser fibres, and the lonk will make clear why that's the case!

(sidebar: if you have ideas about what i should do with the lonk, please feel free; i think i have about 300g and no specific plans.)

onward! let's talk about each of these individually.

blue and yellow rambouillet: this is commercial top that i dyed. i like rambouillet! it looks pretty ok! this fibre sucks.

green lonk: again, commercial top that i dyed. looks good. is actually good.

blue polwarth: wow, again, commercial top that i dyed. shocker. i love this and it's also actually good.

merino/bond circle: this is top that i processed from raw fleece and hand combed probably five minutes before i took this photo. again, it's good.

rolag: most people on tumblr are making rolags with blending boards and/or drum carders, and those are a very different beast to ones made on hand cards! handcarded ones are fluffy little sausages. i was going to show you this drafted out like i do the others, but honestly, rolags don't really draft like that. if there's a part two of this, i'll spin one to show the difference.

corrie: back to commercially processed top. it's also good.

because i wanted to show the difference between good fibre and bad fibre, i'm not actually spinning these, though i can do that if someone wants. instead, i'm predrafting them so that you can see how good fibre vs bad fibre looks.

i have to stress that this is a little subjective, but...uh, but it's my blog and i can talk about my opinions if i want.

more seriously, i've been spinning for over twenty years, and dyeing for probably ten of them, and i have a pretty good idea of what's reasonable to expect from fibre. that said, two things. first, i rarely predraft things, so what i'm doing in these videos isn't really part of my usual workflow. second, because of the limitations of my little tripod stand and the need for my hands to be in frame, i'm doing this in a very weird direction, so it's a little jerkier and less even than it would be under normal circumstances. i think it still conveys the point, though.

spare yourself the headphones—none of these videos have sound, because my neighbours who i hate are still doing fucking construction and the soundtrack to these is just like. clunking and whirring.

let's start with the corrie, which is pretty easy to find.

youtube

it takes me a minute to get started, but once i do, see how it pulls apart mostly smoothly? (the lack of smoothness in this and several of the other videos is the weird angle that i was talking about earlier.)

look at my wrists and hands. i have ehlers-danlos syndrome, so i'm more likely to use the middle joint of my thumb to pull, but other than potentially the weird thumb position, things are pretty loose. i'm not jerking on the top, my back hand is pretty loose, and all up, things move pretty smoothly.

this is what top should do. if you're having to really yank on it, if you have to dig your fingers into it, etc, it's not great top. it might still be usable, but you definitely shouldn't be using it as a starter fibre.

ok, so let's look at the polwarth, which for the purposes of this post we'll say is indie dyed. close enough.

youtube

as before, the weird angle isn't doing us any favours, but all things considered, this drafts out pretty easily. dyed fibre is almost always at least a little harder to draft than undyed is, but it shouldn't be that much harder.

again, you can look at my hands and fingers. the hand holding most of the fibre is still fairly loose—the thumb on that hand is doing most of the actual holding. it's more work than the undyed commercial stuff, but it's not difficult by any stretch of the imagination.

i also want to point out that i'm not a professional dyer! i'm just some guy who sometimes dyes things in their kitchen. if you're buying from indie dyers, it shouldn't be much harder to draft out than this is. (if you're buying from commercial places—ashford's dyed top, for example—it should draft more or less like the commercial corrie did.)

ok so next up, let's look at the handcombed top.

youtube

this drafts out so easy! handcombed top isn't as dense or as tightly packed as commercial top, plus all the fibres are going in the same direction, so it drafts out really smoothly.

last two. i think it's time to look at...the bad fibre.

youtube

fuckin yikes, hey. the weird thing about this one is that it basically looks ok—right until you get your hands on it. look how tight the hand holding the braid is. look how i'm trying so hard to get a grip on the part that i'm pulling out that my whole thumb flattens out, hoping to get more weight on it. look how my knuckles and my fingernails turn white!

the fibre doesn't want to move, and when it does, it's usually in a big clump that moves very fast, then immediately stops moving again.

fibre shouldn't be like this. this fibre is super compacted, and also a little bit felted. imo, if you buy from a dyer and get fibre like this—not just for the first few centimetres, but all the way through—you shouldn't buy from them again. this fibre is not being buddies.

but can you make it work? i wouldn't recommend it when you're learning to spin, but yeah, you probably can. i've used about half of this braid on various junk projects.

to make this more usable, you can split the braid in two (or more) pieces, unfold it as much as possible, and fluff it out. i've wondered if this would be a good application for steaming roving, but this is the only really compacted piece i have, so i haven't tried it.

it's still probably not going to be a joy to spin, but it can be usable, if you really want it to be. if you have the interest and tools, you might have better luck reprocessing it—i've used some of that braid practicing making rolags, for example, and it's been solidly fine for that, since i'm pulling it all apart anyhow.

if you're learning, though, and your fibre's behaving like this, please put that fibre down and try something else.

finally, let's look at the lonk!

youtube

again, nice loose grip, and despite being dyed, those fibres are totally happy to pull out pretty evenly. it drafts smoothly, and it requires very little effort on my part to do so. which is, i think, the big advantage to using coarser wools as a beginner, even if you don't love the texture of them. it's a lot easier to learn the movements on something that's not actively fighting you, and once you've got the movements down, it's a lot easier to do them on something that resists a little bit more.

i'm not saying you can't (or shouldn't) learn on the ultrafine merino of your heart or whatever, but if you're new to spinning and you're finding it a struggle, it's maybe worth trying some coarser fibres and seeing if that helps.

anyhow, hopefully that's an ok overview of how to tell if your fibre is actually doing what it's meant to do or not. if you think it'd help you to have a video of any of this being drafted while spinning, let me know—it turns out it's pretty easy to throw my phone in the little tripod thing and then clip out the bits that are useful.

#spinning #handspinning #hand spinning #fibre prep #fiber prep #anyhow #i hope this was helpful but lemme know if i was unclear!#smartest raccoon i know

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dira333 · 7 months

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Passing Peonies - Post War Touya Todoroki - Part IV

When the war ended, Midoriya Izuku had proven one thing: That Villains did not need to be killed to be defeated. That you could make friends from enemies.

Touya Todoroki, formerly known as Dabi, had been one of those taken into the rehabilitation program. After one year of intense physical and psychological therapy, he's got the chance to prove himself. To prove that he can be a part of this world.

Complete fic length: 30.600 words - Masterlist

Warnings: poor mental health and resentment against past actions is mentioned, burn scars etc. as well. There is angst but this is mostly soft Touya coming back to his family...

Part 4: (2,1k words)

You’re a good teacher.

He’d known before but it becomes clearer now.

He’s still got problems with fine motor skills, his fingers often too stiff to tie ribbons or cut the smallest branches without damaging the rest of a Bonsai but he’s learning so much, not just about taking care of plants but other things as well.

The old ladies that used to coo at your friendly gifts now flock around him, tell him about their grandkids and ask for his opinion on what to buy them.

He figures out quickly which students like his snarky comments and who’s appreciative of being guided toward a cheaper alternative.

The week after he gets his ZZ plant, he can choose between a bouquet or an indoor plant.

“You don’t even know if I’ve taken good care of him.”

“Well, have you?” You ask, pushing the sleeves of your cardigan up your arms as you prepare to dig into the roots of fiddle-leaf fig, the sight of your bare underarms distracting him for a second.

“Of course. But that’s not the point.”

“Bring him in tomorrow then if you want me to review your work.” You cheekily smile up at him. “Even if you’re just fishing for compliments.”

He picks a golden pothos for his therapist, knowing that he desperately needs a plant to light up that office while also knowing he can’t take that free bouquet and gift it to you, even if he’s starting to want to.

🌺.

Three months later you’ve fallen into a rhythm.

Every second Friday after closing you let him into your apartment where, after a grilled cheese sandwich and a shared bowl of soup, he waters your plants and renames them.

Bob’s doing so well, he’s already a parent, one of his kids now sitting on Fuyumi’s shelf.

Hawks has put in a request for more Bouquets for his agency, as well as his father and Shouto, who in turn has seemingly told all his classmates about this great flower shop downtown.

Touya would love how much more money you’re making now if all those customers wouldn’t cut into the time he gets to spend with you.

At least the purple-haired gremlin Shouto calls a classmate hasn’t shown up since he scared him off. He doesn’t like guys buying flowers as an excuse to check you out, especially when they’re too cheap to buy a proper bouquet.

🌺.

“No grilled cheese today.” You tell him one Friday evening as you close the door and turn the key. “I’m buying you dinner.”

His heart skips traitourously.

“You sure your plants can survive without my care?” He jokes and you grin.

“Positive. Now grab your jacket and let's head out.”

“What’s the occasion?”

“Oh, multiple things. We’ve got so much business now we’ll have to start dividing our orders into two different pick-up dates. What do you think of Tuesday and Thursday? We could use Monday and Wednesday to make the bouquets.”

“And the other reasons?”

You laugh, clearly figuring out that there’s no use in redirecting his thoughts.

“I don’t believe in anniversaries but I’ve heard people say that it’s always hardest after the third month, so I thought you could use a little celebration.”

He looks at you, calculates the slope of your nose against the curve of your lips, and cocks his head to the side.

“And the last thing?”

You sober up quickly, looking down the street into the dark night, the sign of a gas station glowing in the distance.

“Today’s the anniversary of my father’s death.” You look up at him, your eyes open and vulnerable. “I like to do something nice for someone else on that day. As a gift to the world, you know?”

He doesn’t know. But it fits you. Like green aprons and cardigans, white shirts, and grilled cheese.

“Do you want to talk about him?”

You walk in silence for a while, the same comfortable silence he’s shared with you since he’s met you, until eventually you open your mouth.

“We have the same quirk. It has been in our family for generations. My great-great-grandmother was a hero, actually. She made sure to marry someone who complimented her quirk and so on and so forth, until my father decided to marry someone quirkless, to not be a hero, or even a fancy landscaper. He just wanted a normal, comfortable life.”

You point at the door or the restaurant and he follows you, feeling like your story isn’t over yet, but not ready to push you to talk when you never do that with him.

The restaurant isn’t fancy, but it’s not fast food either, telling him that you’re spending quite some money when he’s seen how you live and knows how much the shop used to bring in.

When the waiter leaves your table and he opens his menu, you lean across the table to whisper, bringing along a scent he’s grown so familiar too. The scent of earth and greenery, of flowers and foliage, of you and your shop and your home.

“Sorry, what?” He shakes his head to clear his mind, realizing he missed every word you’ve just said.

“I said if you’re not against sharing they have this amazing combination of gyoza dumpling and melted cheese. They line the Gyoza up and when the cheese is melted you can dip the gyoza in. You can choose what the fillings are and if you want other dips for it but it’s usually a serving for two.”

He blinks at the giddiness lighting up your face. He’d never been especially inclined towards cheese until his mind started linking it to you and now, linking it to you being happy.

“Of course.” He hears himself say and sees you lighting up even more. “But if we order it, we have to go full in. Filled with cheese to dip in cheese. We’re not cowards after all.”

You giggle and he looks back down at the menu to keep himself from staring, glad that his skin grafts cannot blush.

When the waiter returns, however, he’s pulling a face that spells uncomfortableness.

“I’m sorry.” He says, clutching his notepad with both hands. “But I’m… well, I was made aware that we cannot serve you.”

“What do you mean?” Your face is full of confusion while Touya catches on faster.

“He means he can’t serve me.” He explains and the way the man cringes tells him everything he needs to know.

“It’s alright.” He says when he feels that it’s not, in fact, alright. “I’ll just see you tomorrow then.”

“No.” Your hand’s flat on the table and your voice serious. “Matsumoto-kun, you’ll be serving us.”

“I’m sorry, please, I-”

“Leave it.” Touya tells you, the hard line of your mouth something he hasn’t seen before.

“Is there a problem?” Behind Matsumoto, a new face appears.

“Yes.” You’re standing now, smaller than the two men, but standing your ground. “You’re taking part in the rehabilitation agreement, yet you’re not willing to serve a member of the same agreement. I don’t want to do this but I will have to make a formal complaint if you continue to refuse us service.”

“Madam.” The man behind Matsumoto, obviously the manager, is wringing his hands now. “This isn’t about the agreement. You have to understand what your companion did-”

“It doesn’t matter who he is or what he has done.” You tell them sharply. “He could be Tomura Shigaraki and it would still be your duty to serve him as a customer if he came in here as part of the Rehabiliation agreement.”

“This isn’t our decision,” Matsumoto whispers, eyes looking everywhere but at Touya himself who’s now standing himself, hand on your arm as if that would do something but ground himself.

“Come on.” He tells you. “Not today.”

And somehow he’s said the right thing because you nod and grab your purse and your jacket, following him out of the restaurant.

Five steps from the door he can hear you curse under your breath.

Ten steps from the door he can hear you sniffle and when he turns, you’re full on crying, fat tears dripping down your face.

“Hey. Hey, don’t cry about that. It’s not worth it.”

“It is!” You disagree wetly. “They shouldn’t treat you this way and now I’m mad and I’m hungry and I’m upset that I always cry when I’m mad, and-”

“If it would make you feel better you could let weeds grow in front of their door.”

“They would just pull it out, that’s just hurting the plants.” You complain but you’re almost smiling now.

He’s grinning back at you. “We could spray paint their windows. Egg the front. Put toilet paper over the door.”

“What are you? Five?”

He laughs and you laugh with him, frozen on the sidewalk in your shared little bubble.

“There’s a Kentucky Fried Chicken down the street, isn’t it?” He asks. “They have cheese fries. It’s not as good as dipping cheesy Gyoza into melted cheese but would it satisfy your cheesy needs?”

“You make me sound like an addict.”

“Aren’t you?”

“Maybe a little bit.”

He watches you pop another cheese-covered fry into your mouth and feels only a little weird about it.

“Feeling better?” He asks, chewing on his straw.

“A bit. But I’m still going to put in a formal complaint. It’s not okay.”

“It’s been a year. It’s going to take some time.”

“Still. God, now I can never go back there again and I don’t know anyone else who offers that dish.” You complain.

“I could learn how to make it.” The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them and he bites his tongue, regretting them immediately when you pinch your brows.

“I didn’t know you can cook.” You offer him an easy way out and he shrugs.

“I don’t. But it doesn’t sound that hard.”

You laugh. “Oh, it is. Why do you think I only offer you Miso soup and grilled cheese sandwiches?”

“Because that’s your favorite food?”

“True. But it’s also the only thing I can make. Well, when the sun’s in the right position and the moon’s not looking, I can also make a fried egg.”

He laughs at that.

“You seem so talented, I thought you’d be good at everything.”

Your smile wavers and you wipe your fingers, signaling you’re done with your food.

“Want to take a walk?” You ask and he nods, throwing away the trash and meeting you at the door.

Something in him wants to take your hand, make sure your pulse is still the same as always, that you’re fine and well and there with him, but he knows that’s not the whole reason.

He wants to take your hand because he wants to hold it and feels like a ZZ plant that’s been put in a dark spot, longing for more light and scared it might burn him at the same time.

He doesn’t put his hands in his pockets, lets them hang by his side loosely, hoping against hope that your hand will knock into his as if a ray of sunlight might accidentally come his way.

“My father died five years ago.” You tell the night sky above you. “He had a heart attack and died in his sleep. I miss him every day. And I know he’d be proud of me. Of what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. He’d love my apartment and my shop and even if he’d call every bouquet I make perfection, he’d still pluck around in it, because he couldn’t let anything go untouched. Isn’t that love, that you love something not only despite its imperfections but simply because of them?”

Heaviness settles in his gut yet again as your words sink in.

You look at him and he wonders if you’re talking about him too.

He thinks about his parents, his siblings, his friends - if he can call them that.

He wonders if they love him despite his imperfections and he wonders if he loves them.

“My mother remarried three years ago. And I’m happy for her, because her new husband is really nice, and she’s happy. But they moved, about two years ago, to America of all places. Plane tickets are expensive.”

“It gets lonely sometimes.” He says, not really knowing why until you nod.

“Yeah.” You breathe out. “Yeah.”

He wants to say that he’s here now. That you can lean on him. That he’ll be there for you.

But he doesn’t. Because he can’t. He shouldn’t. He won’t.

So he doesn’t say anything and it seems to be the right thing, allowing the two of you to walk in silence through the dark.

taglist: @misfit-megumi @shoulmate @pixiesavvy @the2ndl @neko-my-cat @chelseaquake

taglist is open, if you want to join, just mention it in a comment or send me a message.

#my writing #Passing Peonies #Touya Todoroki #DAbi #Touya x reader #Dabi x reader #Happy Todoroki #Todoroki family #Touya fluff #Dabi fluff #Angst to happy end #Soft Dabi #soft Touya

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blue-b-bro · 7 months

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Colour’s meaning in ofmd:

First rule is that brighter = more intense, and lighter = more open a feeling is. I’ll say more below, but it already says something about Blackbeard’s crew being all black and only black :’)

Yellow:

Yellow is a colour of truth. Colour of following your dreams and passions. Before the break-up gown, Stede is wearing the yellow one.

Teal:

Basically it’s a sea colour. It means sea and freedom. In e4 Alma has teal dress, while playing pirates with Stede, which also shows she was closer with Stede than her brother. There’s a lot of teal-ish colours around Stede, but most are actually “hidden”, darker. He was keeping it a secret from others. When he’s on his boat in s1 he’s almost glowing teal.

It’s the colour of sea and freedom, but more like an idea of it, not a realistic one, witch may be the reason many crew members have some teal elements, usually very small, and Stede is all teal and then, in e10 he destroys this idealisation to start something real. After his first “kill” in e1 Stede’s teal's never that bright again.

Pink:

It’s a colour of rejection. Not sure why, but it is. The moment Stede leaves, Mary’s wearing light pink. When Ed becomes distant and then leaves him to go with Jack, when Stede left Ed, they are wearing the break-up gown, which is bright pink. I’d say the difference between those two intensities would say something about the intensity of the feeling. Mary was abandoned, but she wasn’t so hurt by it, they weren’t happy together. But Ed and Stede were hurt very much.

Also all of the non-white crew wears pink/pink-ish in e1, while in disguise (because you know, to show racism) + Lucius’s very bright scarf & Black Pete’s light pink… something (probably because homophobia, and Lucius is very loudly queer). All the things white colonisers reject.

Red:

We all know, it’s a heart colour, Ed’s heart but not only. Ed hides his red, Lucius is wearing a lot of red, as someone who’s not ashamed of his love and usually helps with relationship’s problems, Stede, while destroying his teal is covering it in red and in s2 wears red scarf(?). At the end of e3 Stede is covered in red, even the background turns red, while meeting Ed for the first time. He's also wearing dark red when talking about his favorite horsie :")

Salmon/Orange:

It’s a colour of insecurity, feeling inadequate or incompetent, unsure. Stede wears light salmon/orange when Ed says he’s not ready for a fuckery, then very dark (almost brown, but still salmon-ish to me) when he feared Ed’s going to leave, because Stede’s wasn’t fun enough. Ed wears dark salmon in e4, when trying this new persona/thinking he was expendable to this Blackbeard legend. Stede is deprived of his salmon vest in e2, when he got more confident.

Purple:

I think it’s the creativity and adventure colour. I’m also not sure if it’s important that what Ed was missing after leaving the Revenge was a lavender soap (something something he wanted to feel clean and with Jack he wasn’t again, it’s a colour meta, let’s not go there). I mean we say it’s Ed’s colour, but I’m not sure anyone here has “their” colour. If colours are feelings, no-one has their own. For example, other characters wearing purple is Stede in e2 (when he has to use his creativity), Lucius (art), Frenchie (music, crafts and cons) and sometimes Oluwande. Characters get more purple when they need to figure out a plan or scheming something, get creative.

White/Beige:

Stede is all white in e3. He’s like a blank canvas (Lucius is immediately covered in red again), inviting pirate world, willing to learn. It also makes him stick out like a sore thumb of course. White is supposed to mean empty, nothing, bare, open. Stede made his white crew wear mostly white, to not be seen as suspicious.

Beige, as some kind of darker white, is not knowing what you want, figuring thing out.

Ed and Stede are white when discovering their love for each other, entering something completely new for them. Stede, at the end of s1 is colourless, but in s2 he gets a red scarf and later gets green/dark teal shirt. Jim is all beige while hiding and figuring out their identity. When being afraid that he’s not enough fun, Stede choose all beige for their adventure, showing he doesn’t really know what he’s doing but he’s ready to do it.

Beige is temporary.

Now, we have yellow&red-ish&teal ship, Stede’s dark red&dark teal at his wedding, Sted’s family portrait (everyone close and light yellow/orange, except Stede - dark blue/teal and distant):

But the real kicker for me is Stede’s pitch black cravat Ed wears on his neck. His feelings for Stede while always with him, hidden very deep inside.

I also recommend those meta: x x x x x

Edit: I'm rereading metas and now I remember why purple is thought to be Ed's color (Ed's red heart + Stede's teal freedom he offers -> purple) Still fits 🤟

#Behold the reason I don't sleep recently lol #Please give me some notes #Unless it's stupid #our flag means death #Ofmd #ofmd meta #stede bonnet #edward teach

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ggomos-maribat · 7 months

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6 | lost

Part 6 of Marinette Dupain-Cheng is Dead | Masterlist

CW: Depressive thoughts

After Alfred's badgering, Bruce finally retreated from the dark confines of the Batcave and brought his work up to the manor's dining room. The stack of papers rustled as he spread them on the wooden surface, and his laptop lit up again with the dust on the screen more evident in the light. Bruce rolled up his sleeves and began to read again.

In entered Duke.

"Hey B. Coffee?" His second youngest offered.

"A cup please, Duke. Thank you," said Bruce without looking up.

"What's that?"

Bruce let himself lean back a little. Perhaps Duke could give his thoughts on his search? "Remember the akumas from Paris?" He stretched his arms. "After Hawkmoth's defeat, the two heroes Ladybug and Chat Noir disappeared from the public's eye without prior notice. The League tried to track them down for a short while, but we came up with nothing."

"Why do you need to find them?" Duke quizzed.

Bruce stared at the photos of two blurs: one in red, one in black. It was no mistake that the two heroes had been on the younger side when they first started, and yet they lasted through the long battle with a terrorist. "Firstly, we barely know anything about the Miraculous and Hawkmoth's actual motives. Ladybug did announce that Hawkmoth had been caught and promised that he would be facing consequences, but she denied everyone of any other information. Secondly, we want to be allies with them, or associates at least."

Bruce heard the clinking of metal to ceramic as Duke stirred the drinks. "It's not the first time a set of magical powers are hidden away to protect those powers, right?"

"Right." Bruce nodded. "Our problem with the Paris situation is that it happened under our noses for years, and we hadn't caught on until it was over. We want to keep the same thing from happening again."

It's mostly regret. Guilt, Bruce wanted to say. It was too late when we noticed an entire city suffering. The things they dealt with were in the levels of world threats. He remembered waking up to the news that shook the entire world, not having time to register it since the Justice League needed to take immediate action.

"Is that the same thing Dick's going crazy about since he came back here?" Duke set down the cups on the table, pulling a seat for himself beside Bruce.

"It's a different but not completely unrelated issue," Bruce replied. He was also hoping some clue from the case would turn up for the benefit of his search. It was partly the reason he let Tim and Jason go to Paris.

"Hm. Any leads from Constantine?"

"Only chunks of indecipherable texts related to the Miraculi." Bruce showed him a picture of the strange symbols from a book called 'the Grimoire'. "He's convinced that the current Guardian of the Miraculous is Ladybug herself."

"What about Aunt Diana?"

"Her mother has had prior connections with the Ladybug Miraculous before, but they lost contact a long time ago. Diana's helping with my search as well."

"Sounds like a dead end." Duke sipped on his drink.

"It's not strictly an urgent case, but it's important nonetheless." Bruce skimmed over his notes. "Even with the thousands of photos of Ladybug and Chat Noir, the Miraculous Magic is able to hide their real identities very well and no existing accounts of a civilian contact exist. Well, briefly there was one about Lilia Ross, but she denied it after a while."

"What if you retrace the heroes' steps and try to figure out Hawkmoth's identity instead? If the heroes found him out, maybe that's an easier angle," Duke suggested.

It's a good strategy. But how far will it actually take the search?

"Thank you, Duke," Bruce cleared his throat. "I'll give Tim a call."

***

Meanwhile, deep under the manor, Damian strolled into the cave to find Dick finishing the call with their brother. The youngest Wayne took a seat in front of him. "What did you tell Drake?"

"I asked them to ask Adrien Agreste about his cousin, Felix Fathom," Dick answered. "He was in Paris on the day Marinette was found."

"Are you suspecting him for murder?"

"What? No," Dick said, "I'm just considering him to be someone with information, since he has been involved with Hawkmoth and akumas before."

". . . And what does that have to do with her death?"

"It's all part of Tim's theory, that maybe Hawkmoth was targeting Marinette. Felix had a lot of trips to Paris at the time with unclear purposes. Sure, we can say he's just there to visit Adrien but the timing is off."

Damian raised an eyebrow. "Would he not be comforting his cousin because Adrien lost a friend?"

"Call it a hunch, okay? It's a lead . . . aha!"

Dick held his breath—he'd just received a response from Barbara, from a request he made for the investigation. She was able to dig up the lost evidence and compile the translated file and send it to him. Oracle, you're a godsend, Dick praised.

"What's that?" Damian asked.

"I snooped around in the digital archives of the investigation team at that time." He anxiously tapped on the tablet, and sent the file to the Batcomputer for viewing. "Turns out they lost file of a key evidence to Marinette's death: her diary. The original copy went missing from the office some time ago."

The screen showed scanned pages of the diary—the words were written on lined pages in Marinette's neat handwriting, and the shape of the paper was somewhat curved. On the side of the photo was the re-typed French text, and then the translated English. The first entry was dated about three years before her death. Dick scrolled down to the last page and found that the last entry was on April fifteenth, just before her body was found by the bridge.

"Why didn't you tell Todd and Drake about this?" Damian leaned on the table to get a good look at the entry.

"I want to put together my findings here before I tell them." Dick sighed in frustration. "I really should've went to Paris too."

I have no choice but to help with the investigation from afar. He slowly and carefully read through the last entry, guessing that it should give them the most clues about her death.

15 April

These days I've been feeling 'free'. T says it's because I've been liberated at last and I've only begun feeling it now. I don't know if it's supposed to be like this. Maybe it's my way of adjusting to something new. Yes, it's a big leap, I know, but T will be there for me. T's strangely very optimistic about it. Years ago I wouldn't have thought that this will be the person I'll be. I guess time passes faster when you're older?

Dick stopped reading. Her writing is unexpectedly . . . heavy. It was like she'd already seen so much horrors in her life. He almost felt like an intruder in her thoughts.

He forced himself to keep reading.

'Freedom' feels a bit empty? Or lonely? T says it's the trauma. Adrien says that emptiness will get filled in soon. Apparently, it's the same thing he felt when his mother disappeared. If this is exactly it, I want to go back in time and comfort the younger Adrien. Maybe if you stay too long in chaos, you get used to it and find the calm strange. I hope that turns around for me soon.

The words cut off at that part.

"That's it?" Dick blinked a few times. "That's the end of it?"

"T . . . This 'T' person," Damian thought out loud. "There isn't anyone close to Marinette whose name starts with 'T', except for her father." He took over briefly and scrolled through the other pages. "But in other entries she only refers to her father as 'papa'."

"It could be 'T' for Kagami Tsurugi but the entries started way before they met," Dick added, "Also, she refers to Kagami as just 'Kagami' here, it looks like."

"So this person is another confidant of Marinette's that her friends and family likely had no idea about, and could be involved in her death."

"Assisted suicide? Is this why the police declared it a suicide?"

"It's not exactly a suicide note," Damian crossed his arms. "No farewell, or mentions of leaving possessions behind . . . If anything, it seems like she was actually hopeful for recovery, maybe from the emotional distress caused by Hawkmoth's actions in Paris."

Did we actually end up with more questions than answers? Dick wondered.

"Tim said something about Lilia Ross' transfer to their school having an effect on her that time. Let's see . . . " Dick skimmed through the entries to find a handful written a few years back:

8 November

They left me alone in downtown Gotham.

I can't believe they'd do that. I told them I had to fill out some forms in the museum and...they got on the bus without me. I wish Adrien were here. I had to ask help from the front desk and they kindly got a taxi for me back to the hotel. What is Bustier thinking? Will anyone be on my side if I speak up about it?

No.

Probably not.

It will be more of a burden if I do. I keep telling T I'll be fine. I just have to get through one more day and we'll be back in Paris soon. Someday I'll visit Gotham on my own again and dispel these bad memories.

"What the fuck?" Dick whispered. Even if the class or Lilia Ross had nothing to do with her death, this proved that they weren't faultless either. How could this have happened without anyone from WE noticing? Who the hell leaves a teenager alone in an unfamiliar crime-ridden city?

"Grayson," Damian snapped him back to reality.

He sighed and switched to another entry.

13 May

T says I have to go to bed but I almost forgot to write here. Nothing new happened today but my body feels so heavy. If I try to rest I either can't fall asleep or I end up dreading the days to come in my dreams nightmares. Hawkmoth has been getting ruthless each week, it's crazy. Why can't he just stop? How much do we have to give him? Yesterday I had to fend off a butterfly. Then the day before that. Then the day before that. Then the month before. I don't know what to do.

Is being brave something inherent or does it come after I face my fears? T says I look brave. I don't feel like it though. Each risk I take, I actually get very scared. I'm not actually sure what would happen. I might look confident but I'm not. I wonder what everyone would think if they found that out about me. What would they say? Will they sympathize with me or will they refuse to believe it?

21 July

I'm happy to have Adrien to talk to now. I know he still has his hands tied, but it's getting easier to talk to him since last week. We both told each other that it had been a huge weight off our backs. This feels too good to be true. The younger me would've been ecstatic. I'm ecstatic now too, but for different reasons. I hugged Adrien very tightly this morning and told him 'thank you'. He hugged me back and whispered more 'thank yous'. It was sudden but we both knew what it was for. T helped me wipe my tears after.

Things are going to change from now on. Is it bad that I feel ready to face those changes because I have Adrien on my side now? I used to think he put too much faith in me before. No, even now. I used to be scared I won't live up to his perfect image of me. But now his trust is something I really need. I'll put my faith in him too.

How can her words be so vulnerable but so secretive at the same time? Marinette didn't seem to be straightforward in her writing, and yet she completely conveyed her thoughts and feelings. How much more do we have to read to get a clearer picture?

"This mystery person is strange," Damian concluded, "Our best chance at figuring their identity is to ask Agreste."

Dick nodded in agreement. "Looks like he has the most answers right now. It says she was almost akumatized multiple times too, which supports Tim's theory."

"Wasn't Hawkmoth caught before her death?"

"He might still have other ways," Dick considered. "Ladybug never clarified what exactly happened to him. How was he punished? Imprisonment? Weird magic ritual? Death? We don't know."

His phone suddenly buzzed at the same time that a notification appeared on the computer.

Another Lilia Ross scandal has blown up.

***

The first few rumors were matches being lit, and the one that assumed Lilia Ross to be a killer started a forest fire. This one was gasoline, Tim thought. Just as the internet was getting quiet, posts showed up again, this time attacking Lilia's company.

"So, someone saw pictures of Marinette's old clothes designs that she submitted for competitions," Tim recapped, while Jason listened beside him and Dick and Damian watched from the screen. "And compared them to Lilia Ross' current brand's designs. They look like carbon copies, but with just a few tweaks. Now Lilia's being accused as a thief. Others are saying more of the designs were stolen by Lilia, based on the accounts of their old schoolmates."

"It should be recounted in her diary if there was theft," Damian chimed in.

"Diary, what diary?" Jason asked.

The screen pinged, receiving an encrypted file from Dick. "Babs found a digital copy of her diary that the police used to keep, but the original one went missing. There's a lot of things here, including accounts of what Lila did and said in their class."

"There. February first," Dick pointed out as soon as Jason scrolled to it on their screen.

1 February

My missing sketchbook returned to me in my locker. There were tears on the paper and burn marks and liquid stains and pages ripped out and pages crossed over with a black marker. It was one of the first sketchbooks I've ever completed and it's full of draft designs. How do I prove it's Lila's fault? I knew I shouldn't have left my bag in the room for that short while. I knew I shouldn't have brought it to school.

I want to throw it out.

T says I should keep it, and use it to finally shed the truth on her.

But what evidence do I have? Is this enough to make her face the consequences?

I locked it away under my bed. Whatever. I'll fill up another sketchbook. I'll remake the designs. If Lila sees me crying over it, she wins. If the world sees me crying, Hawkmoth wins. If I fight back, they get the upper hand anyway. I just have to be more careful next time. It was just hard not to let my emotions spill when I found it. Lila was nearby waiting for my reaction earlier, I know it. She seemed proud of what she had done.

"What the fuck?" Jason seethed, "She stole her designs!"

Tim's lips drew into a thin line. Was this what Marinette had been feeling the whole time? He couldn't imagine it . . . the suppressed emotions, the feelings of helplessness, the manipulation. She readily gave up.

"Who's 'T'?" Tim brought up the other point about the diary entry nagging at him.

"Some friend of Marinette's who's always mentioned in this diary," Damian replied, "They seem to be very close."

"Does that ring a bell for you?" Dick leaned in.

"No, not at all. Is it a codename? An online friend maybe?"

"Based on this diary, T is always close to her, like, physically."

"Is it . . . a psychological thing?" Jason said softly.

"I wouldn't immediately conclude that." It was already in Tim's jumbled thoughts—a guess. A wild guess. "With the Miraculi in Paris . . . " He sucked in a breath. "Fuck. Ladybug's kwami's name was . . ."

The others seemed to realize it too at that second.

A muffled buzz rang out.

"I got a message," Dick suddenly said, frowning. "It's Babs. She says she found who ordered the investigation to be closed."

"Who?"

"Adrien . . . it was Adrien Agreste."

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#maribat fanfic #dc x mlb #mlb x dc #maribat #maribat fic #character death #major character death #angst #MDC is Dead #dc x miraculous #tw mentions of suicide #tw mention of death #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressive

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