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bidisastersanji · 5 months

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The Old Guard x One piece AU got my brain going brrr and i'm gonna make it your problem now. Center of the matter is I want Zoro and Sanji to meet kind of like Nicki and Joe did (discovering their immortality by fighting on opposite sides and killing each other over and over and then becoming eternal lovers) so I went and did some research for the entire Straw hat crew. Main thing is I wanted to link them to historical events that will give them the right motivations and backgrounds! so here we GOOO

Sanji and Zoro: Because Japan has an isolationist past, the only battle I could find that would work is the Cagayan battles of 1582 in Jakarta between Spanish-Philippine forces vs Japanese pirates (a.k.a Wokou, which are basically pirate ronin) Sanji would thus be a reluctant "Rodelero" sent to South East Asia by his noble family (jokes on them he loves being in the middle of the spice trade and he hates being part of a noble family funding the conquistadores) who one day finds himself fighting a mysterious Wokou samurai Zoro. They're partly isolated from their respective camps when they first kill each other, and again, and again, until they realise they should by all means be dead but they keep healing. After a couple decades of -against all odds- running into each other everywhere, they reluctantly decide to try and figure out what the heck's happened to them together- struggling to communicate at first, then learning each others' language over the following decade, then falling in love and becoming inseparable. This makes Zoro and Sanji both over 400 years old, and they are the same age. Zoro learns about so many sword techniques and Sanji about different cuisines/ leg-centric fighting styles during this time.

all the other straw hats and their historical periods under the cut!

Robin as an Egyptian scholar who died during the burning of the Library of Alexandria in 48 BC/ was killed for researching something forbidden during the declining years of the Roman Period (early 200s) and found out she was immortal this way, making her around 2 millennia old. She spends her time recording history and traveling the world and encountering new cultures. Her long time enemy is religious obscurantism, and the Catholic church spends a lot of resources trying to kill her. (they have conspiracy boards about this immortal witch in the Vatican)

Brook: so ancient he doesn't remember much, other that he came from Kerma culture (2500 BC), loved music, and that his entire village had died from an illness, but he came back. His memory isn't great but if there's one thing he's loved in his Millennia of existence is discovering and learning how to play all the instruments that he could find. He mostly hangs in Vienna nowadays as a music teacher.

Jinbei is a Samoan chieftain from around 1000 BC who one day died during a battle with a Fijian chieftain. When he came back from death he assumed Tagaloa chose him. He loves navigating, sailing, exploring and going on voyages with his people. In more recent times (post european contact) he was forced to ally with the US Navy to protect his people.

Nami: Irish lass from around 800 who's coastal, tiny village was about to be raided by Vikings from Sweden. She made a deal with their chieftain Arlong to go with them and map out the British isles for them to help their raids be more effective and targeted, in exchange for not killing people in her village, and that she would make back the plunder they did not get from this town for them. She started to join their raids to try and make this money, but she died in battle. She came back and they believed her to be some kind of Valkyrie or Einherjer brought back to midgard. She took over the raider's leadership- also Norsemen always had women handle money, which works great here. During her time as an immortal she travels, seeks treasure, double crosses people etc.

Usopp a young double agent/CIA spy from the Cold War who died on a mission. He tragically could not return to his love Kaya because he was afraid of putting her in danger by revealing he was alive to the spies that killed him. He relocates and starts anew constantly, his entire life a web of lies. He's a great marksman/sniper.

Chopper died young of the Bubonic plague in medieval Europe. He resuscitated, tragically his father is infected as well and he's unable to save him- motivating him to get to the bottom of this disease, he decides to become a doctor. Looking like a 15 year old for centuries doesn't make this task easy and he has to hide a lot.

Franky is an American veteran of WWI who was heavily disfigured first, and died later (which is why he's not fully healed and needs prosthetics). He's heavily anti-government from having been sent to fight in such a meaningless war that sacrificed young men like cannon fodder. He learned to fix himself up and make prosthetics and masks for veterans, got into making tech stuff

Luffy is a modern, 21st century 20 something year old from Brazil's favelas. He dies in a gun violence incident (maybe linked to a drug war/gang war where he's been trying to protect his neighbourhood) and comes back, experiencing visions of others like him. He's resolute to find them and make a crew, thinking that with all of them together, maybe they can help liberate the world from opressors and inequality

#it's one am #but i couldnt stop #did all the research i could to match each straw hat with a nice historic period #one piece au #zosan au #zosan fic idea #one piece fic idea #zoro x sanji #i just want the star crossed immortal lovers with lots of lore and cool adventures as #new immortal luffy just goes around collecting these people who have no idea there's others like them #and them going around liberating people #like the scariest undying ten people army that they are #the old guard one piece au #the old guard au #immortal straw hats #straw hat crew #zosan

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the73rdpostscript · 1 year

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Excuse Me (Excuse Me)

Joe’s mood has been up and down over the past few hours. His energy took a big hit after the last song, but at some point in the last ten minutes Booker handed him a vodka Redbull. While Joe had called his dear friend some choice words at the drink selection, the caffeine is now buzzing in his blood, and he knows Booker is already forgiven.

Their victory in the match this afternoon was sweet. Fucking Stephen and his Northside team of assholes took the loss without an ounce of dignity. The rush had been heady, and now that the club music is vibrating in his chest, Joe feels free to do anything.

Somewhere beyond where he dances with Nile, the broad shouldered white guy he'd grinded on an hour ago is still dancing between a few other strangers. Joe watches him toss his head to the beat of an old 2000s song that they're both too old not to know. It might have been playing in the college parties where Joe had his first drunken hook-up. The memory moves like molten gold in his mind and he takes another swig of the drink in his hand, dropping his hips low as the beat ushers in a new singer for the chorus.

In front of Joe, Nile has turned her head away – paying more attention to someone else he can’t quite see yet. Soon, she spins away from him fully and loops her arms around a gorgeous tall brunette that must be twice her age.

Left alone on the dance floor, Joe keeps swaying to the familiar tune that he now recognizes as Pitbull of all things.

The lights of the club have changed from flashing yellow to pulsing blues and purples. In Joe’s peripheral vision he can see Shoulders has stepped back from his dance partner, giving them space to flop down and begin some fancy vogueing. The room erupts with a cheer from those who can see the show.

"For all we know we might not get tomorrow," Ne-Yo sings.

Smiling, Joe lets his head fall back and sings along as loud as he can while everyone is distracted by the impromptu performance happening among them.

Later, he will be deeply embarrassed about his next choices, but in the moment, he feels lit up from within. His mood is high with the heady combination of chemicals and nostalgia; the lights are mesmerizing; and the bodies around him are all as good as friends.

Shoulders is only a foot away from him, which means when Joe sings louder he knows he’ll be heard. Sliding up behind the other man, Joe wraps his hands around Shoulders’ hips and leans in close so he can croon along with the singer, "Grab somebody sexy, tell 'em hey!"

The man startles for a moment, leaning his head back to see Joe's face over his shoulder. The new angle highlights a strong nose and a quirk of the lips. Joe pulls their bodies closer, moving his hips to the beat and trying to keep from laughing. It only takes a moment for Shoulders to make a face that indicates he recognizes Joe, and as soon as he does, he spins around so they can properly grind in time with the beat.

Joe doesn’t remember the verses, so instead he focuses on the feeling of their bodies pressed together, and the happy expression on Shoulders' face as they move. Shoulders’ eyes are pale and intense under the lights, but they glow with satisfaction as he leans in to give Joe the best kiss of his life (or at least the best kiss so far).

Years later, Nicky will happily tell anyone who asks that they met when Joe called him Sexy in front of a crowd of people. Sometimes he will tell people that Joe hit on him using a Pitbull song. Every iteration of the story leaves Joe feeling mortified, but he still smiles like an idiot when he wraps around Nicky in bed at night and murmurs, “Hey.”

#kaysanova #yusuf al kaysani #the old guard #mine #joe/nicky #as always raedear was very supportive of this very silly idea and now you all get a fic #also every iteration of joe loves club music and i'm right and i should say it

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catofadifferentcolor · 6 months

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Terrible Fic Idea #76: The Old Guard, but make it Harry Potter

I've read a lot of Master of Death!Harry Potter fics over the years and one thing that struck me is how so many of the canon MoD tropes - never aging, inability to stay dead - also can be said for The Old Guard's flavor of immortality. So I thought, why not?

Or: What if Harry Potter was raised by The Old Guard?

Just imagine it:

Six months after Merrick, on the night of 31 October, 2019, The Old Guard is woken by dreams of Voldemort killing the Potter Family.

The Guard are not unaware of magic - it's their running theory that something about their magic turning inwards at the time of their first death causes their immortality, rendering them near-squibs who cannot age or die - but they live very much on the fringes of the magical world. And even then most of their contact is with the goblin nation, who couldn't care less about wizards. So it takes some time for them to realize what and who and where.

Their search is not helped by the fact that the child they come to realize is the new immortal is largely kept in a cupboard and rarely allowed to leave the house, rendering them only the tiniest of dream details to search with. They finally manage to track down Harry a year before he's due to start primary school, c. late 2022-early 2023.

Everyone is confused as to why the immortal Harry Potter is aging - and he's very clearly immortal, having survived both the Killing Curse and the Dursley's neglect - but figure he'll stop aging once he reaches adulthood. Which is good, because none of them had any idea what they'd do with an immortal toddler.

Joe and Nicky raise Harry, who is rechristened Hari al-Kaysani after it wins the vote. Harry Potter disappears from the Hogwarts Book of Names, but since only the incoming first year names are readable at any given time, no one notices for years.

(This is helped by Mrs. Figg being conveniently away on holiday when the Dursley's are found neatly murdered in their bed. Dudley is left with most of his memory wiped at a hospital in Plymouth, is taken into foster care, and is eventually adopted by a nice elderly couple. He takes over their antique restoration business when they retire - and is very surprised when the children he and his partner have via surrogate have magic.)

And so it is a very different Hari who attends Hogwarts in 2029 - still a little marked from his childhood traumas, but with a loving, supportive family who have taught him to do no harm but take no shit. His humor is perhaps more morbid than the average 11 year old's, but he is kind and stubborn and has a sense of justice that could double as a knife. He is, naturally, a Hufflepuff.

Hari's school years largely follow canon in plot, if not followthrough. As no one makes the connection between Harry Potter - portrayed in media as an Anglo Gryffindor child savior - and Hari al-Kaysani - hard-working international desi student - he's largely separate from what drama still exists.

First year has the school in a tizzy over Harry Potter's "disappearance", with a few details re: his placement at the Dursley's coming to light in the papers. All this largely passes Hari by until Quirrel decides to kidnap him to use to get past the Mirror. This goes as well as canon, with Hari having to kill Quirrel - and dying himself for the first time since his adoption. His parents are livid and threaten to pull him from Hogwarts unless safety measures improve.

Second year has the petrifications, which Hari doesn't mention to his family, wanting to stay at Hogwarts. This backfires on him when he more or less is dragged into the Chamber by a bewitched Ginny and ends up killing the basilisk. And dying again. Hari exits the Chamber to find his family in full battle gear, preparing to rescue him - and gets the lecture of his life. As does Dumbledore, for being even more careless with student safety. And Ginny, for writing in a cursed book.

This is also when Dumbledore starts to suspect Hari is Harry Potter and adjusts his plans accordingly.

Third year is fairly quiet despite Sirius' breakout. Most of the drama occurs outside the school.

Nicky, having managed to leverage the danger Hari has been in the last two years into a seat on the Hogwarts board of governors, starts ruthlessly pushing for a reform of Hogwarts' security measures and bylaws. He not only manages to block Dementors from Hogwarts, but get most of his concerns addressed. It is one his ward updates which identifies both Sirius and Wormtail on the school grounds. Both get their trials, with Sirius going free and Wormtail being imprisoned.

Nicky manages to use this and his family name to gain a seat on the Wizengamot, which Joe takes up with a more subtle brand of ruthlessness that have all involved ruing the day they agreed to it.

Fourth year goes well, until the Goblet names "Harry Potter" as the fourth champion. As magic is about intent, it doesn't matter that Hari has never thought of himself by that name - he hadn't known his name at all at the Dursleys - the fact that the person who entered him intended for The Boy-Who-Lived to compete in the Tournament and Hari once defeated Voldemort is enough for the Goblet.

Despite Nicky and Joe's best attempts, Hari is still forced to compete. As a result Andy takes up residence at the school as "headmistress" of Hari's unnamed fourth school and makes life a pain for certain responsible parties.

This leads to a lot of drama involving several people being angry he "disguised" himself to attend Hogwarts, "lied" to them about who he was, and/or failed to live up to their expectations. The most drama should come from Sirius, who is angry Hari "hid" from him after his trial.

The Third Task ends as with canon - but with Voldie a little less snakelike and a little more rational, thanks to the immortality in Hari's blood. (And Andy, ever suspicious, manages to catch out fake Moody and reveals him far more publicly, in a way Fudge can't deny.)

Fifth Year goes better than canon. Thanks to Andy capturing Crouch, the public is aware someone tried to revive Voldie. Most believe they failed and it's a fake wandering around causing chaos, but at least they're somewhat aware of the danger.

Fudge is ousted from office, Andy is put in place as the new DADA teacher, and Dumbledore slowly tries to rope Hari back into his schemes, not realizing the Horcrux in him died with Hari during his second death (age 24 months, the Dursley's having left him locked in a hot car) - indeed having no idea of Hari's immortality at all.

The more Dumbledore tries to groom Hari, the more his family makes life difficult for the Headmaster. This should include Booker publishing a better researched, less sensational version of Rita's biography - which has Dumbledore sacked from all his positions but headmaster, though not for lack of trying.

The Guard spends most of the year trying to figure out how Voldie achieved his immortality and what his Horcruxes might be. The Order continues their ineffective business with the prophesy, leading to a big battle in the Ministry in which no children take part but several order members are killed, including Sirius.

Hari, despite never having been close to his godfather in this AU, inherits all - including the Locket.

Sixth Year has Dumbledore try to pull Hari in to private lessons, which is parents refuse to allow. The Guard quietly finds and destroys all the remaining Horcruxes save Nagini - and the ring, which Dumbledore found first. Snape kills a dying Dumbledore at his request when the Death Eaters attack the school at the end of the year... while on the grounds Nile kills a snake and Andy beheads a newly-mortal Voldemort with her labrys.

As the public believe this Voldemort is a pretender, this only gets them limited fame. Which is better for all involved.

(Snape escapes Azkaban only by sharing his memories of Dumbledore's death at his trial, but is asked not to return to Hogwarts.)

Seventh Year is a normal school year, with the adults mopping up Death Eaters on the outside - until the very end of the year, when a rogue Voldemort supporter AKs Hari in the middle of the Great Hall. Andy, who is still DADA teacher, removes the body before he can revive, and thus ends their child hero as far as the Wizarding World is concerned. In "grief" his family disappears from public and in a handful of generations Harry Potter is largely relegated to the history books.

After his death at 17, Hari stops aging and his active magic turns inwards, much like the others. Becoming a near-squib is quite a change, but he has his family and is old enough to join them on their missions in the muggle world. It's not the destiny others hoped for him, but he's happy and loved and, in the end, that's all that matters.

Bonuses include: 1) An exploration of what it means to be desi in the British Wizarding World. Extra bonus points if Hari's background is Pakistani Muslim, simply because I don't think I've seen it done before and I think it could be fascinating, particularly given Joe and Nicky's own backgrounds; 2) An exploration of what it means to be squib or near-squib in the Wizarding World. This shouldn't be a straight linear things are so much better than the past, where we just killed our squibs, but include many ups and downs in treatment throughout history - and the acknowledgement that while squibs are treated much better than they were two hundred years ago, they're still treated much worse than they were a thousand years ago; 3) the Wizarding World being presented as deeply flawed, but no more so than any government of its era. Political polarization and unwillingness to compromise should be at the root of many of its problems. Joe, during his tenure in the Wizengamot, should be renowned for gathering opposing politicians in a room, sitting them down, and forcing them to talk about their issues like unruly children; 4) A misguided Dumbledore who genuinely thinks he's doing the right thing, and 5) Hari starting a societal revolution by being the first at Hogwarts to have a smart phone that works with magic, thank you Uncle Booker.

And that's all I have. As always, feel free to adopt this bun, just link back to me if you do anything with it.

More Terrible Fic Ideas

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artgroves · 2 years

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“To first blood?” Nicolo asks, but even as he says the words his mouth pulls down, rueful, at Yusuf’s raising brows. What is first blood to people like them?

For so universal a mixture by @wrenaspun - In which duelling to the death becomes the most intimate engagement in the world.

Thanks to the @theoldguardevents Reversebang <3

#Kaysanova #Joe/Nicky #The Old Guard #TOG #thank you spinawren for the gorgeous soulbond fic!!#when we were brainstorming this idea I knew we were on a winner #I love this fic so much

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swearwollf · 2 years

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I seriously need a fic where Hob rescues Dream but he comes in like the hardened soldier he is, like some kind of action hero. He’s too pissed off to be phased by things like being shot and such. Just some real Old Guard fight scene aesthetic where he brings a sword to a gunfight and kicks ass with it.

#the sandman #dreamling #come to think of it #sandman and the old guard would make a cool crossover #Will I stop complaining and write the fic I want myself? maybe #if I can come up with a whole rest of an idea and not just a cool fight scene

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dolphelecat · 16 days

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Prompt

So I have this weirdly specific scenario I want to read a fic about.

So Person A gets trapped in, like, a lantern or an enclosed table lamp. They don't remember or experience this. For them it's like they had a nice dreamless nap and then woke up. They just look like a light inside the lantern/lamp.

However, whatever rules trapped them there keep them there for a very long time. If the people involved are mortal, it will be sometime after Person B dies. If the people are immortal, it's long enough that it's a disconcerting amount of time for the people to be apart.

So Person B has this little lantern/lamp and tends to it and takes care of it, talking to it as it's the only bit of Person A they have, possibly with no expectation of ever seeing Person A again but still caring for them the best they know how.

Luckily, Person A gets out a LOT earlier than expected. It's short enough that the two can have a happy ending, but long enough that Person B was nicely traumatized.

A bonus scene is sometime after this, Person B is compromised -- just woke up from a nightmare or sick/injured and delirious, etc. -- and they can't see the lamp/lanter and freak out, and Person A has to calm them down and comfort them.

If you write this, no matter the fandom or pairing (I'm sure I'll regret that later), please send it to me.

Thanks!

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thisliminalspacedaydreams · 1 month

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The world contracts around him, time holding its breath.

CHAPTER 7

#rawdogging this fic like nobody's business #the old guard au #i have noooooo idea wtf I'm doing #but i'm certianly doing it

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negotiumcrucis · 2 years

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Hi! It is just me or the last Luca/Marwan pic is giving such an omegaverse vibes? pregnant Omega Nicky (with a great ass) basking in the Sun while alpha Joe is trying to protect him

Sorry, nonny! You sent me this a while ago, but life has been pretty chaotic, so let it be known that I have been thinking about this ask ever since then and, in short, HELL YEAH The Pic has e v e r y t h i n g

Not only did it assure us all that Joe's precious curls are safe and LONGER, but also reminded this whole fandom of how privileged Nicky is in the ass department and, of course, I have to mention The Tummy™ ~ so you're absolutely correct, the omegaverse vibes are *:･ﾟ✧perfect✧･ﾟ:*

I can so easily imagine a scenario where alpha!Joe and omega!Nicky became infertile due to the whole immortal business, so they went through centuries without ever contemplating the possibility of having kids of their own and that was fine by them for they always had each other... but after Kozak's experiments something drastically changed and Nicky goes through the first full-blown heat since 1099 (which, hm, is basically the plot of a super fluff Christmas fic I wrote with the amazing @instantpeach back in December) and maybe Joe's rut aligns with it and boom -- Nicky is pregnant for the first time ever!

And Joe is obviously besotted by the news, and he can't quite believe it when Nicky finally tells him -- of course, he had sensed something was off when Nicky's scent abruptly changed -- but then after his suspicions are confirmed, Joe is not-so-secretly trying not to freak the hell out. It's all too new, and he is happy beyond words, but also so, so scared and Joe starts reading everything on the subject (with Nile and Copley's help), and man, if only Nicky would just let Joe take care of him, because what if something happens to them...

But Nicky-it’s-not-our-time-yet-Di-Genova pretty much believes everything is meant to be so ALL WILL BE WELL and how can Joe argue with his mate? Obviously, Nicky doesn't put himself through unnecessary risks, but just imagine it... Nicky has let his beard grow so they can be incognito for this new mission (it took Joe and Andy some convincing they should even take the mission, but Nicky and Nile won the argument in the end), and it's summer and there's a heatwave and now Nicky has cravings on top of everything else, so at some point he just gets up from the shade and starts walking towards a gelato stand without a mask on because his beard itches like hell and again, it's so hot, so Nicky also begins to remove his shirt so he can free his arms and be only on his t-shirt...

That's when he picks up Joe's sharp scent as his mate catches up with him, carrying an umbrella, and Nicky has to admit the shadow is very welcome, but Joe's presence is even more so. He smiles when he feels Joe's hand on the small of his back, and he wishes they were alone so Joe could touch his growing stomach as well... Nicky's bump is barely visible yet, but he has started to feel some movement for the past week and Nicky simply cannot wait for it to become strong enough so Joe can feel it too... ◕.◕

Well, thanks so much for the ask! I know I spent a couple of months without sharing any new omegaverse content, but thanks to one of my TOG Reverse Bang projects (in collaboration with the lovely @pochiperpe90) I am happy to announce I am back on my omegaverse bullshit (◕‿◕✿) and no, don't worry, my other omegaverse wip isn't abandoned, I promise I will get back to it as soon as possible!

---

Also, in a related-ish note, you know I went through my blog's archive to retrieve the link for the pic in question... and just look at the number of notes the post had right as I checked it?

As a very wise man once said...

it's like destiny ♥‿♥

#kaysanova #joe x nicky #immortal husbands #the old guard #omegaverse #replies #ask #anonymous #tog: fic idea

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nowhere-to-go-but-here · 1 year

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Joe/Nicky meet-cute idea!

This adorable story from Twitter but as a Joe/Nicky meet-cute! 💕

Nicky is the plant dad with a ton of precious potted plants by his front door. Joe is the sleep-deprived sweetheart of a food delivery guy (an artist trying to nake ends meet) who knocks over the pot. He apologies so sincerely, all big, sad bambi eyes, that Nicky finds himself comforting Joe and telling him he didn't need to worry about it.

Joe is so moved by Nicky's kindness that he comes by a couple of days later with a replacement pot -beautifully hand painted, of course, because this is Joe! - with the sweetest apology note. Nicky, in turn, is so incredibly touched (and also, let's face it, smitten) that he insists he repay Joe by making him dinner.

And that's how Nicky ends up cooking for his food delivery guy and eventually marrying him. And they live happily ever after surrounded by Nicky's plants, all in beautiful hand-painted pots (which Joe now makes for a living and is pretty successful at selling!).

The end 🥰🪴🌷☘️

#joe x nicky #the old guard #the old guard fic idea #Tog fic idea #Joe/Nicky meet cute #I'm never actually going to write this but the idea was eating my brain so I had to put it out there!!#If anyone wants to write it i would be thrilled to bits to read!!

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fanficsforheartandsoul · 1 year

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My friend sent me this super long voice message about the movie The Old Guard and what a great idea it would be to write a fic about this in the cod universe and I’m so intrigued, imagine reader being an immortal like in the movie and they join taskforce 141 and try to hide it like omg the whump scenarios running in my head. This is definitely something for my summer break but rn uni is pulling me back into my exam phase like hahahha I’m gonna die next week

#istg i love torturing my y/n #don't ask me why #i don't know why #the old guard #cod #call of duty #fic idea #fanficsforheartandsoul #taskforce 141 #könig #ghost #soap #summer break where the hell are youuuuuu

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disregardandfelicity · 2 years

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(11) Neighbor AU 🏡 & (52) Marriage of convenience 💍

Ok finally have time to write one of these! This one's the easiest cause it's basically just an idea I already have (and that I think we've discussed a bit ☺️) but I fleshed it out:

The fic takes place from Joe's POV. He moves into a new apt building, this cute guy who lives 2 doors down the hall gives him a hand. Joe doesn't catch his name though, it's all just nice flirty banter before he disappears into his apartment. He meets their neighbor in between though, and tries to subtly ask if she's met whoever lives on the other side of her, though, and she says Oh, the newlyweds?

And Joe is disappointed, but let's it go - they barely know each other after all. He can't help but peer through the peephole sometimes though at them going by, although he never does more than casually wave to Nicky's wife.

Nicky though, he does keep chatting with. They keep similar schedules, they get their mail at the same time. Nicky ends up hanging out at Joe's place a lot. ("Won't... somebody miss you at home?" Joe tries to casually ask, as Nicky spends more and more time just stopping by. "No," Nicky says just as casually, and Joe decides not to pry. Maybe the honeymoon period is over already.)

One night, over at Joe's place, drinking some super fancy wine Joe won in a raffle at the office. Nicky knows something about wine and is pretty excited about trying it and they're a tiny bit tipsy on a half bottle each and also just having a good time, and Nicky leans in and kisses him against the counter. Joe goes with it for awhile, but then when Nicky tries to tug him back to Joe's bed he is like Nope wait no. I can't do this. It's not fair to your wife.

And Nicky is like 😳 how do you know about that. And Joe is like WOW you weren't even going to tell me you were married? Fuck off. And Nicky is like no no no, it's a green card marriage. I'm not even attracted to women. Also my wife is a lesbian, no one is being misled here.

And they all live happily ever after, defrauding the government! 🥰

#leaning towards Andy being the wife #inspired by real straight women who were lesbians for greencard purposes #yes most of my fic ideas are just real things that happen to real ppl i know and then i make it into a romcom #ask game #oh green cards are identity documents to let you stay in the US #the old guard #joe x nicky

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the73rdpostscript · 2 years

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This is a not-so-serious fic about not-so-serious things. I call it: Snakes In A Can.

(Inspired partly by that post about Nile having her own apartment. I originally wrote for @raedear and figured i’d share it)

Nile doesn’t tell them about her apartment until a few weeks after she buys it. They’re thrilled for her, naturally, and Joe immediately offers to help her decorate.

Nile waves him off with a smile, “The point of buying my own place is filling it up with all my old crap from famous dead artists, Joe.”

It’s another few decades before they’re able to see it for themselves. They’re running a mission in a neighboring country, and on the way to meet Andy and Quynh they need to stop so Nile can pick up a few things. ("At last," Joe mutters beside Nicky, quiet enough that Nile definitely can’t hear it but happy enough that Nicky smiles back and squeezes his hand.)

The apartment is homey and beautiful. There was never any question Nile would decorate it well, but seeing the touch of her personality in every choice is moving. Nicky tells her so - admiring the collection of records she’s amassed. Nile thanks him with a smile and the intense expression she gets when she’s focused on the thing at hand. “Make yourselves at home. I’m gonna grab a few things.”

“Take your time,” Joe says – already leaning in to study an old faded poster for a romantic movie. (The title of the film is about love and sports and Nicky shakes his head at the predictability of Joe’s interests. He makes a bet with himself that Joe will complain in the car about not having enough time to see all the art and the sketchbooks piled on the bookshelves.)

Nicky leaves Joe to the living room and wanders into the adjoining kitchen. He spends a few minutes poking around in her drawers and admiring her choice in cookware (La Crueset. She does listen when he talks about cooking) when Nile herself sails into the room with a bag over her shoulder.

He watches her rummage through a cabinet, saying something about her organizational system and something about time. He really can’t hear what she’s trying to tell him because he has spotted it: The 2 very large jars of Prego “pasta sauce” sitting innocuously on the shelves.

Nicky has taken bullets for his family, been tortured for his family, and he has witnessed their suffering when he could not prevent it. But right now, he feels like he is bearing a burden just as heavy by saying nothing while Nile continues to speak to him as though she is not aware of the horrors she has allowed in her home.

“Here it is,” She says suddenly, slamming the doors shut and waggling a thermos at him, “Give me another minute and we’ll get going.”

Nicky nods, still struck dumb with what he’s seen.

They take off in the car after another ten or fifteen minutes, and Nicky sits silently in the back seat – feeling no pleasure when he hears Joe’s complain that he was too distracted by the art and wanted more time with Nile’s sketchbooks.

By the time they get to the cafe he feels capable of smiling at Joe again, but the restraint he uses to stay silent must be visible, because Andy finishes hugging them all and then keenly observes, “Nicolo you look like you’re seeing Quynh for the first time all over again.”

“He saw my emergency food stash. I keep Prego in the cabinets,” Nile says easily, settling into the seat at the table and performing nonchalance with a traitorous dedication.

Beside Nicky, Joe lets out a loud laugh, and Quynh looks confused for a moment before smiling as Nile explains what Prego is.

Nicky shakes his head, muttering half-heartedly in Ligurian and finally allowing himself a small grin at the sly glance Nile shoots him.

By the time Booker joins them Nicky is once again laughing with them all, but his mind is elsewhere.

That is why Nile gets back to her apartment a month later to find a gift of Nutella on the counter. She lets out a very startled shout when she opens the jar and an old-fashioned accordion snake pops out at her.

It will take another 50 years before she figures out how Nicky got back to her apartment and in and out before her. And the year she figures it out is about the time that they all finally call a truce on the retaliatory prank war that had been raging all that time.

#the old guard #fic #mine #nicolo di genova #nile freeman #Yes that is a Love & Basketball reference. I saw a chance to reference Gina and I took it.#look me in the eye and try to tell me that Nile doesn't LOVE that movie. You cant.#also shoutout to of-scythia for the post that kind of inspired this #Nile's apartment is such a perfect idea and I think about it literally all the time

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catofadifferentcolor · 9 months

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Terrible Fic Ideas #60: The Old Guard, but make it Percy Jackson

I was not intending on falling headfirst into another fandom. Nor was I intending to come up with another crazy PJO crossover that somehow manages not to be crack, but I discovered The Old Guard last weekend and this is the end result.

Or: What if, post-movie, the Guard decided to lay low at the one place Merrick's people could never find them: Camp Half-Blood?

Bear with me:

For most of history, "the cradle of western civilization" has been in Europe, as befitting a throughly European idea. But Europe is a big place - and even bigger when you don't have modern transportation to fall back on. A common rule of thumb for medieval travel goes something like 1 day sailing = 7 days on horseback = 21 days walking.

Plus sending satyrs to scope out likely schools is a lovely idea in an era with compulsory public education, but less likely to work in an era where even universities are few on the ground.

All that being said, I imagine it would have been ridiculously easy for demigods to slip through the cracks and never make their way to CHB or CJ, not once suspecting they were anything other than fully human. This is especially true of demigods without spectacular active powers like creating hurricanes or summoning the dead.

As there's no canonical reason why the members of the Old Guard are immortal, there's no reason they can't be demigods who slipped through the cracks, died, and became immortal because of their divine ancestry. It's a rare quirk of genetics that shows up only in 1 in a 10,000 demigods, most often in those who lack any active powers and show only the passive traits of their divine parent - and, therefore, have no idea that they're demigods at all until much, much later in the game.

For the purposes of this fic: Quỳnh and Lykon are descended from southeast asian and subsaharan pantheons of which modern historians have only limited knowledge. Andy is the daughter of Dyḗus, the PIE sky god considered to be equivalent to Zeus, and thus is something like Zeus' stepdaughter. Nicky is the only child of Neptune born in the last two millennia, Joe the son of Apollo in his Greek incarnation, and Nile the daughter of Mars. I went back and forth for possible divine parents for Booker, but ultimately decided to make him a son of Dionysus in this AU. None of them exhibit anything that might be called a power, but have certain talents and personality traits that mark them distinctly as of divine descent.

Just imagine it:

Following Merrick, the Guard needs to lay low. They have many safe houses but no way of knowing how many are compromised. In the end, they decide to go to the one place Merrick can be assured not to find them: Camp Half-Blood.

They get halfway to Ramsgate before realizing the UK probably no longer counts as "the cradle of Western civilization". With a little bit of divine intervention, they find their way to Long Island.

CHB is not unused to people showing up bloody on their doorstep, but most campers have never seen one adult demigod, let alone five. The fact that two of them are Roman and one predates Zeus himself is startling, as I picture this happening in the summer immediately after TLO, before Hera kidnaps Percy.

There's some tension, partly because of the Greek/Roman thing, partly because some campers are bitter these well-trained adults didn't show up to help during the Battle of the Labyrinth/Battle of Manhattan. (The answer - that they just didn't know Kronos was rising - doesn't help much, but the masterclasses they give on various fighting techniques do.)

Percy spends more time at CHB during the next few months than he ever has - after all, who knows when he'll next get to see a non-monstrous half-brother? Nicky may be the son of his father's Roman incarnation - the only one born since Sextus Pompeius to hear him tell it - but he's still family. An ideal big brother really. This does not keep Percy from being kidnapped or the events of HOO from happening, but it does mean there are more people keeping an eye out for him, and when the Argo II runs into trouble in Europe a few people they can call for backup.

But otherwise I have very little plot for this and a lot of scenes of a long few months where CHB and the Guard interact, but then largely go their separate ways until the kids need to phone a friend. This includes: 1) Booker spending a lot of time with his father and remaining half-brother, which gives him both family and the therapist he needs. It's not a magical fix-all, but it starts the path of healing; 2) Nile freaking out over the demigod thing as well as the immortality, but finds comfort in her Ares half-siblings, and generally realizing that while she may have lost her mortal family she never has to be alone, even if she decides being a member of an immortal army isn't for her; 3) Andy teaching all the children all the weapons, because as much as he hates baby demigods having to fight she'd rather teach them how to survive than turn a blind eye to it; and 4) Percy worrying Nicky and Joe are camping out in a cave on the edge of camp because they've been made to feel unwelcome because of the Roman/gay/immortal thing, only to turn permanently red after they kindly explain to him why two adults in a loving relationship might want space for themselves after a traumatic event.

Bonuses include: 1) At least one long digression on how one goes from killing each other multiple times outside the gates of Jerusalem to immortal husbands who are still in the honeymoon stage after 97 decades. This should include a lot of digression on what it takes to have a healthy relationship of any sort, among other related subjects, and hopefully highlight the line between healthy desire to spend one's lives together and unhealthy codependence enough so that MoA's judo throw is avoided; 2) The drama of at least one divine parent beyond Dionysus appearing on scene at some point. Extra bonus points if it's Neptune, who honestly hasn't realized he fathered a demigod child in the last two thousand years. Extra extra bonus points if it's curmudgeonly victorian fisherman Neptune; and 3) Percy upon finding out about Quỳnh immediately offering to go out to Dogger Bank and ask the marine life about a woman in an iron coffin.

And that's it really - not a lot of plot, just a lot of disconnected scenes. As always, feel free to adopt this bun, just link back if you do anything with it.

More Terrible Fic Ideas

#plot bunny #fic ideas #the old guard #percy jackson and the olympians #tog #pjo #heroes of olympus #hoo #andromache the scythian #nicolo di genova #yusuf al kaysani #immortal husbands #sebastian le livre #nile freeman #percy jackson #crossover #percy x annabeth #yusuf x nicolo #joe x nicky

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stars-inthe-sky · 6 months

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For the fic meme! 3,5,18,29! 🙏

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

It's like choosing a favorite child! tell me where your strength lies is the thing I'm probably proudest of having written, just because of its sheer length and complexity and timeline. I think Every Part a Flame may be the most "me" story, in terms of bringing together, like, all my favorite things in a fic and showing readers what I'd learned in years of writing. And Days of Awe is easily the most personal, and also a deep point of pride for entirely different reasons.

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

Oh, the answer to that is always Star Wars Watergate, which I explained in detail almost a full decade ago here. Anyone who actually wants to do the research is welcome to the idea, just let me know so I can actually read it. In the meantime, I will think fondly on it anytime I see pictures of the original trio hanging out in the 70s.

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

From Hello, Flying Fatality (aka Rosa Diaz the Vampire Slayer): "Okay, we’ll call you Lady Van Helsing, mysterious and leather-clad defender of the night, and I will be Sir Jacob the Tenacious, killer of the vampyres and slayer of the ladies, if you know what I’m saying. Codename: the Fancy Garlic. No, wait—”

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

I've had this Old Guard/Leverage fusion in my head for a good few years now but have never figured out what the actual caper would be. Details under the cut, because I do feel strongly about them, and would be down to collaborate if anyone can tell me what the actual caper would be.

The premise is that Nate's backstory is exactly the same, right up until he actually does drink himself to death after losing Sam, and—lo and behold—he wakes up again. Being Nate, he figures out the basics of what's happening (if not why) and, based on the dreams, tracks down the others to meet up.

Hardison is the next-"youngest," having died for the first time somewhere in the American South in the early nineteenth century. He's spent his immortality leveraging whatever technology is available to fuck with wealthy people and empower those without—so, confounding bloodhounds with the Underground Railroad, robbing robber barons, eventually defrauding the Bank of Iceland, etc. (Part of the actual writing of this would be crafting that backstory in a way that's not, like, exploitative and flat-out racist, just for the record.)

Eliot died fighting in the American Revolution, on the side of the U.S. He's since been every kind of soldier for the cause, in and out of the light, but if Vietnam didn't break him than the Bush Administration(s) definitely did. He switched to mercenary work at some point but has always kinda felt he could be doing something "better" with this immortality thing.

Sophie was a traveling player in the Middle Ages somewhere, and while she probably did not die of the Black Plague, she and her troupe may have been accused of spreading it. Or perhaps she just got caught admiring some manor lord's décor by someone with a short temper. Or not. Who's to say? Since then, she's mostly been flitting around impersonating her own aristocratic descendants in several European countries, buying and/or stealing art, and doing a spot of wealth redistribution when it suits her.

Parker...no one knows how old Parker is, or how she originally died, or where she's from. It's unclear if she does. But she is the best of the best at what she does, which is stealing and hoarding and flying solo, and also occasionally teaching kids how to crime. (She did, for a short time, have a mentor whose name sounded something like Archie to modern ears, but that's how she knows they can die. So she doesn't get close now.)

Key here is that the others have never met before. They've all had the dreams, they've just had their own things going on and no real interest in the others. (Hardison: "And what, like I'm gonna be friends with the guy who spent the whole Civil War in gray?" Eliot: "Damn it, Hardison, I was a spy for Grant!" Parker: "Which Civil War?" Eliot: [sputters])

But something about Nate's journey to date has them all under threat. This is where the caper needs to come in. Presumably someone (Sterling? Dubenich?) found out about Nate, and by extension the others, so they have to work together to eliminate the evidence of their existence and con whoever into believing they are not immortal. But I don't know what that is in practice, and I don't expect the Leverage crew to leave quite the trail of bodies that the Old Guard does in the movie. Think more extreme hacking plus over-the-top performance kinda con—very Leverage, minimal actual non-Eliot violence.

Somewhere in the course of that caper, we meet Harry, who's pieced together the holes in history where these people fit in and realized they did some good, if not always on purpose. But he's given the information to the bad guys, and now he feels quite bad about it. I think Breanna is an enterprising intern (?) of some sort who has been quietly following all of this and is thrilled to pitch in in some fashion.

Once things are resolved, the team goes through the same "no repeats" routine that they do in "The Nigerian Job," and then they almost immediately realize that they all belong together and could do something special and meaningful with their collective talents. (Plus, the dreams have stopped now that they met, so they just might have to keep in touch the regular way. You know. If they want to. Possibly Hardison is already drawing up plans for their own Avengers Tower.)

#ask meme #fic meme #miabicicletta #star wars watergate #old guard leverage fusion #fic is a way of life #i do miss writing fic but i honestly just haven't had a good idea in YEARS aside from the one i just detailed above #and at this point if i can't figure out the middle i'm not gonna

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liesmyth · 1 year

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mutual of my heart, what is the difference between shipping the formula 1 guys and the nascar guys?¿?

the difference is that I'm a NASCAR hater. what's the point of having your local own league when you could be racing all around the world! it's like baseball, I know it's a thing but ??? not mine

otoh F1 is a cockfest (only just announced their ~female drivers academy this year. 2022) and NASCAR has a handful of female drivers. they're all hot, so if I was into racing RPF I would go for them

#ask #attentiondeficitohlookasquirrel #ty for asking the answer is: there is a difference TO ME #is the difference objective? idk i have no idea how nascar works #but i am following an old guard F1 AU fic where the main appeal is that they're falling in love all over the world #you can't do that with nascar #dearly hoping no one who's actually into racecar drivers shipping finds this

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wander-wren · 2 years

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Wren’s Concept Box

i always have a thousand ideas for different fics in my head, so this is where i keep track of them! since these are just ideas i’m throwing around, you’re also welcome to take them for yourself, as long as you tell me so i can go see it and hype you up!!

my current wips generally take priority, but i’m always down to just chat about everything here. i’m also a rlly big pushover and easily convinced to write things, lol, so do with that what you will. obligatory disclaimer that there’s no guarantee i’ll write anything here, and if i stop being interested in a concept i’ll delete it.

Upcoming Fics

these fics are almost certainly going to be written eventually bc they’re connected to current wips/completed fics, i just haven’t gotten to start them yet.

three of swords- power of three rewrite following my other rewrite fics. main changes: three are born in windclan, sol actually has a purpose, and their powers have been…reimagined. also hollyleaf has a power.

sign of the four- omen of the stars rewrite. main changes: dovewing is the fourth cat, not firestar. other changes TBD.

hold my hand (i’ll lead you through)- working title, third installment in the emetophobic!adam verse, but WAY fluffier than the others. more montage/character study style of the gangsey helping adam.

Other Ideas

everything not 90% guaranteed. ordered alphabetically by fandom, and in no particular order after that. a few have titles, most don’t.

BNHA

there’s beauty in the bleeding (at least you feel something)- touch-starved!todoroki who doesn’t know how to get touch except via sparring. eventually some?? people?? figure it out and there is fluff

snowed in- huddling for warmth/mission gone wrong bkdk with todoroki third wheeling, and potential ot3?

only time we’ve held hands (i threw a punch and you caught it)- the title is the concept i just Like It. definitely bkdk, maybe…soulmark fic? idk.

dabihawks old guard au- i wrote in this universe for whumptober and had a lot of fun, so i’m definitely down to write a full longfic with it at some point. when i have fewer longfics in progress lol.

The Old Guard

joenicky character study- them through the ages. for the express purpose of writing their final death bc i have Thoughts and Opinions on it but i don’t just want to write it by itself, yknow?

The Raven Cycle

gansey and the ship of theseus- the world needs more gansey angst! i imagine my guy has weird feelings about being resurrected twice. sarchengsey roadtrip era

pynch & possession- just adam post That Scene at the end of the raven king hating himself/being terrified bc he hurt ronan

cambridge, take two- a different version of ronan going to harvard in cdth, with no murder crabs but still angst. honestly i don’t remember what i thought with this and my notes have like no details but i’m intrigued.

soulmarks- au where people get to choose soulmates, and they can be unrequited. once you choose someone, a mark appears on the first place they touched you, like a tattoo, that represents them. if they choose you back, same thing. ik that destroys the idea of soulmates but i like the idea of the gangsey choosing to be bound to each other.

pynch mind reading- after cabeswater possesses adam, either he can hear ronan’s thoughts or ronan can hear adam’s, or both. then they fall in love, or something.

genderbent pynch- no thoughts i just rlly like lesbians. girl!ronan owns my entire soul.

Six of Crows

character studies- thats all, just. getting in their heads. a little series. i have a nina one i wrote for a friend as a gift but that was like two years ago and i’m afraid to check if it holds up. but i like doing them.

Warriors

mosskit lives au- i had this idea ages ago where mosskit survives and somehow manages to reach bloodclan? and becomes it’s leader instead of scourge? idk about the logic there. but they (they’re nonbinary to me) are obsessed with revenge on bluestar and become the Actual big bad of tpb, pulling the strings on everything.

swiftgorse- i was introduced to swiftpaw/gorsepaw and idk what i’d do with it but i’m very interested

Welcome to Night Vale

ripping at the seams- cecil finally cracks under the pressure of being night vale’s voice. the “stuck in my booth, only able to narrate and not to help” quote inspired this.

carlos 113 aftermath- i have a note about carlos learning about the events of 113 and freaking out but i don’t fully remember that episode or my thought process. i’m still intrigued.

#fic inspo #fanfiction #warrior cats #bnha #the raven cycle #six of crows #welcome to night vale #the old guard #i swear i have more ideas but my brains a little bit mushy #oh well i’ll update as things come to me

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